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#does she feel comforted by them? does it feel like the people in those memories were always comforting HER specifically?
seospicybin · 2 days
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TOO HOT TO HANDLE.
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PART IV
Hyunjin x reader. (s)
Too Hot To Handle Masterlist
Synopsis: You and Hyunjin become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (13,8k words)
Author's note: Enjoy the last, LAST chapter of THTH8 and the final season of THTH. 🥲
"The person leaving the retreat is Hyunjin."
The first thing Hyunjin does is check for you, he cares for your feelings more than his own. He's crushed hearing his name being called out but he can't imagine how it feels for you.
The whole you both standing next to each other, you've been putting a brave face on yet you break into tears the moment he pulls you into his hug.
"You have continued to put your physical urges before emotional connections," Lana says.
He's hugging you so tight because it will be the last time for him to do so until you both meet again, perhaps, outside of the retreat.
"It's okay. I'll be outside there, waiting for you," he assures you, rubbing your back and kissing the top of your head.
"Trust me," he convinces you with a tender caress on your cheek.
He has to let go of you to bid farewell to everyone else, his heart is getting heavier for every moment he shares with these people rushes through his head as he gives them a goodbye hug. In the end, he doesn't even remember the bad, he only remembers the good ones.
"Hyunjin, please leave the retreat," Lana says.
He walks back to you for the last goodbye, he wipes the tears rolling down both of your cheeks while putting on a smile for you even though his heart is breaking for not being able to be with you to the end of the retreat.
He kisses your forehead and fondly holds you by the jaw, "I'll see you soon, okay baby?"
You nod with your eyes red and pooling with tears, not able to say anything back to him without breaking into tears again.
"I'll see you soon," he says again with another kiss on your cheek.
He takes a few steps away and then turns around to look at everyone for the last time, like it or not, he finds friends in them and thanks them in his heart for the memories he'll cherish for life.
Especially you, thank you to the lovely and the achingly beautiful you.
With a bittersweet smile, Hyunjin turns around and then leaves.
-
HYUNJIN: I feel like I've already won with her but at the same time, I've got to go, [heavily sighs] leave this retreat without her.
-
With your eyes blurry with tears and your knees trembling, you wouldn't make it to the bedroom without Edie's help. "Come lay down," she says, guiding you to your bed and helping you get onto it.
She then sits on the edge of the bed, puts a pillow on her lap, and lets you rest your head on it.
"Oh, my God. I can't believe this," someone else says with a shaky voice and you can tell that it's Vic.
There are so many hands rubbing your back as you keep crying, sobbing into the pillow.
To say that your heart aches from Hyunjin's departure would be an understatement. It feels like someone has stabbed you right in the heart and twisted the knife over and over again.
"Hyunjin's gone," you croak in between your cries, saying those words only makes it unbearably painful.
You roughly wipe your eyes open and can finally see the girls gathering around you, offering their presence and their comfort to you.
"And I can't do anything about it," you croak then drop your head onto the pillow and sob again.
Edie comforts you by softly patting your head and putting away the hair stuck to your wet cheeks.
"Oh, God..." you breathlessly sigh while clutching your chest, "I'm going to miss so much."
"I know," Edie says, wiping the tears pooling in the corner of her eyes.
Vic finds your hand and squeezes it so tight, she knows she can't help you with anything but being here for you.
"It's going to be okay," a voice says behind you and you look over your shoulder to see Saskia there, landing tender caresses on your back.
How is it going to be okay when your heart breaks into smithereens and Hyunjin takes the pieces away with him? How is it going to be okay when you feel like you're losing a part of yourself? Are you going to be okay at all?
-
YOU: Obviously, I thought I would have more time with him [sniffles]
-
In the morning, your heart breaks all over again.
Waking up alone on your bed not only reminds you of your heartbreak but also reminds you that it's real, he really is gone and yesterday was not a dream.
The pain is there, telling you that it's all real.
You drag yourself up and sit with your back against the headboard, and have a sip of water as if it would lessen the stinging pain in your chest.
Noticing that your eyes are blank and looking sad, Edie jumps onto your bed, snuggling up to you and putting her long arm across your chest.
"I'm so happy that you stayed," she mumbles.
Her words warm your heart, and you respond with a caress on her forearm and a smile.
The bed creaks as someone else joins the two of you, also cuddling you from the other side of the bed.
"All of us are happy that you stayed," Saskia says, correcting Edie's earlier remark.
"We'll have the most amazing time," she mutters to you.
It already feels weird waking up without Hyunjin but that doesn't mean you're closed yourself off from having fun.
"Okay?" Edie asks, her big eyes looking right into you.
And it's not fair for other people to have to deal with your somber mood which indirectly affects them too.
"Okay," you answer with a nod and a smile.
It's sweet that they're making sure that you don't feel alone or left out in the retreat. Your partner may have gone but you've been given a chance to continue your journey and time to progress.
"Thank you," you mutter to both of them with a grateful smile.
Edie nuzzles her head further into the crook of your neck, "I love you," she cutely mumbles.
After all, you're not alone on this journey of self-discovery, you have these people you're sharing the journey with.
-
YOU: I'm thankful that these girls are so supportive. I think everyone here has been very kind and wonderful, I'm lucky.
-
It does feel weird being here without Hyunjin.
He'd always find you when he has nothing to do and vice versa, and when you're not together, you would find him in just a turn of your head, not far from your sight. You feel each other's presence whenever one of you enters the room.
The connection you have with him is one-of-a-kind, one that you haven't had with someone in a long time.
If he were still here, you wouldn't be alone for the upcoming workshop this afternoon. It has a nice setting with the sunset in the background and every couple has a table for themselves, you end up third-wheeling Remy and Saskia.
There's a cooking station set in front of everyone and not long after, someone enters while waving her hands high at everyone.
"Hello, my loves," she cheerfully greets everyone.
Everyone welcomes her with a round of applause and some cheers. She looks vibrant in her colorful outfit and pink bandana, a smile never wears off her face as she stands in front of everyone for her introduction.
"My name is Rita and I'm a chef," she announces.
"I'm here to teach you how to heat things up," she pauses as his eyebrow raises in intrigue, "and cook."
Rita looks like someone who gets along with everyone just fine, she has that happy-go-lucky vibe going and an infectious smile.
"But I know all of you are more interested in the heating things up part," she says, having some wits in her too.
-
YOU: I like Rita. She's such a sweet person. She brought a wonderful energy.
-
The previous workshops were about touching, sexual energy, emotional connection, and now, cooking which is great that you get to experience something different, completely new but not less helpful and educative.
"I think when you cook for someone, it's a sign that they're nurturing their love for them. Nobody cooks for people they don't like, right?" Rita says as she walks around to see everyone face to face.
"Well, unless you plan to poison them," she jokingly adds.
You're not great at cooking but if you have to rate your skill, you can safely say it's average, below average even so it's nice that you have the chance to improve that skill.
"I also think it's important to know that when we cook, we also add our energy, our passion, our love to it."
You find yourself nodding and agreeing to her words, because everything comes back to the intention of why you do something in the first place, if you do it out of love, that person will feel it.
"Seducing through food is a great ace to have up to your sleeve," Rita says with a sly smile, making everyone giggle in response.
She walks back to her cooking station and gets behind it, she puts her hands on the shiny surface to continue talking.
"Me personally, I would fall in love with someone who says something like 'I'm cooking for you today," she says.
Rita starts by taking bowls of ingredients she has prepared and puts them on top of the station. She then scans everyone and her eyes stop at Vic and Edouard's table.
"Come here, you, love!" She points at Edouard.
Edouard looks around thinking that she's talking to someone else and awkwardly gets up from his seat once Vic assures that it's him who got called to the front. He gets picked to cook the appetizer with Rita.
"I will teach you to cook for her," Rita tells him, "Something delicious like you."
She's making Edouard stirring the ingredients she puts inside the big salad bowl all the while explaining the process to everyone.
"We need something crunchy," she says, walking to the back to get something.
She then returns with a bowl of peanuts and puts some into the salad bowl, "You know what? Peanuts make you horny."
Edouard chuckles as he carefully tosses the salad, "We can't get horny here," he says.
"Oops! More peanuts then," Rita cheekily adds more peanuts into the bowl.
Once they finish, they plate it together and have Edouard deliver it to everyone's tables. It tastes sweet and sour, so refreshing, and what you love the most is the whole texture of it. Rita is definitely making it easy for everyone because even if you followed the recipe and everything, there's no guarantee that it'll taste this good.
For the main course, you get the honor to cook it with Rita. You're more than glad to make yourself useful and put your mind off things, and also to let Remy and Saskia have the table for themselves.
The first thing you do as you get behind the cooking station is check the ingredients and try to guess what Rita is going to cook with them.
"Why are you by yourself?" She asks you.
You politely chuckle and answer, "Lana sent my man home."
"Why?" She curiously asks.
"We spent too much money," you shyly reveal.
"How much?"
You never really calculated how much money you've spent until she asks you, "About 70 grand?" You give her a rough calculation.
Rita lets out a gasp and her eyes widen in surprise like a cartoon character, "Girl, what did you do?" She asks with a gentle shove at your shoulder.
"Spicy stuff, mostly," you playfully respond.
She takes your hands and holds them as she looks at you, "You look like a good girl but you're pretty naughty, huh?"
You nod, admitting her words with a shy laugh.
Rita is a great teacher, she gets you through each step with so much patience and you try your best to keep up with her as she tosses ingredients as she pleases. She checks the food once in a while to make sure it's well-seasoned and thoroughly cooked.
"What's the key ingredient in all food?" She asks you out of the blue.
You have to stop stirring the sauce on the pan to think of an answer, you're torn between a philosophical answer and a forthright answer.
"Love?" You settle on the former.
Rita's smile wavers a little, "I was thinking salt but yeah, okay, that too," she jokes.
You continue with the cooking while everyone else laughing at your answer but you don't feel offended at all, if anything, it feels good to make them laugh.
"Love means salt in food," Rita says as she adds a pinch into the saucepan.
You finish your task by delivering plates of food to everyone while Andy and Remy deliver cocktails they made together.
Once you're done, you come back to your seat at the table and have a bite of the food you cooked. It tastes better than you imagined, it's even better because you cooked it, and somewhat rewarding.
-
YOU: I think we can apply a lot of what we've got in this workshop to our lives. I really believe that when you cook for your partner, they can feel what you're trying to express to them.
-
Since Edie is a vegan, Rita calls her to the front to cook her meal together while everyone is busy having their main course.
"I know you're vegan so I'm making something special for you," she says to her.
"Thank you," Edie sweetly mutters.
"Everyone deserves to eat. How could I leave you out?" Rita kindly says.
Frida is handed the task of preparing the desserts for everyone and gets to decorate the plates together with Rita. As for you, you just can't wait to have a taste of it because it looks so appetizing.
When the dessert finally gets to you, it's so beautifully plated that you don't want to ruin it, but at the same time, you can't wait to dig into it.
"Can I save some for later?" Saskia asks Rita who's watching everyone eating her food well.
You take a moment to look at everyone to see how everyone is truly enjoying their food and you believe it's because Rita cooked it with her positive energy, passion, and love as she said.
This one made it to one of the most memorable moments in the retreat.
Seeing that everyone is close to finishing their desserts, Rita gets to the front of the station and clasps her hands together in front of her.
"I'm here to talk to you about love and one of the most sublime lessons I've learned in life is to spread all the love I have inside," she says with a smile.
She looks at everyone from left to right and continues talking, "Some people paint, some people dance, some people sing, well, I... I cook. I found myself like this, and I think finding ourselves is a good part of life," she says.
Everything she said is so heartwarming that you find yourself smiling listening to her talking which is exactly what you need after a torturous day you've had yesterday.
"This is the only one of many beautiful moments you'll have from now on, whether it's around the kitchen, on the dining table, or lying on a bed," she says with a grin.
Rita takes a breath before continuing, "After all, the best thing in life is to love and be loved."
Everyone is applauding in agreement to her words and simply in gratitude for the food, and this valuable workshop she shared with everyone.
"See you, lovely people," she concludes the workshop with a hand kiss at everyone and her infectious smile of hers.
-
YOU: Food definitely brings people together. Everyone was laughing, everyone was interacting. They're enjoying the food and the company they're with.
-
The villa is empty since the couples are being sent on dates. Remy and Saskia left this afternoon, then Vic and Edouard left not long after them while Diego and Frida will leave later.
The rest of us are hanging out in the swimming pools and enjoying most of the retreat since it's getting close to its end.
"How are you feeling?" Andy asks, brushing his wet, blond hair to the back.
"Well, it comes and goes, you know," You turn over to lay on your back and stack your hands under your chin.
It's hard not to miss Hyunjin when you used to spend most of your days with him in every part of this villa. The pain comes whenever something reminds you of him and it goes when you remember his promise that he'll be outside waiting for you.
That's how your day goes with pain that comes and goes like the waves.
While waiting for everyone else to come back from their dates, you're getting ready for a party Lana is throwing tonight, probably the last one in the villa.
You're about to do your hair when you see Vic and Edouard coming into the room, holding hands and smiling ear to ear.
"Oh, my God!" Edie squeals in reaction to their return.
You put down your hairdryer and look at them, "How was your date, guys?"
Emilie abruptly stops curling her hair and joins in to grill the couple with questions, "Tell us everything!"
"We went on a boat, we had fun cocktails and talked," Edouard answers.
"It was romantic with the sunset in the back," Vic adds another detail.
Edouard glances at Vic before continue talking and licks his lips, "It seemed like the perfect opportunity to ask her something," he says.
Edie is flapping her hands in excitement, kind of guessing where the talk leads to.
"What did you ask?" Andy asks with his shirt hanging loosely on his shoulders.
"I asked her to be my girlfriend," Edouard answers with a big smile.
The girls are cooing in unison but you quickly hush them since the story isn't finished yet.
"And what did you say, Vic?"
Vic can't contain her happiness, she breaks into a wave of giggles and nods, "I said yes."
Cheers erupt in the room and everyone comes to the couple to congratulate them on their relationship.
"I've fallen for him so badly," Vic shyly admits.
Edouard is gushing hearing her sudden confession and pulls her close to his side. He then remembers something that he hasn't shared with everyone, "We also got a green light!"
As someone who has seen them from day one, you must admit that they've come a long way and you couldn't be happier for them. At the same time, it's hard to not get jealous of them, and even harder not to think of Hyunjin in a time like this.
-
YOU: I'm very happy for them but obviously, the only thing on my mind is Hyunjin. I just miss him so much [sighs]
-
Andy leads the toast to start the party, making everyone raise their glasses in the air, and shouts Lana's name out loud at the count of three.
"Here's for Lana!"
"Lana!" Everyone shouts and collectively takes a sip of wine.
You allow yourself to soak in this moment for you couldn't get it anywhere else, and these people you thought were strangers at first, now become your friends that you'll cherish for a long time.
It would be a lot more meaningful if you get to finish it with Hyunjin but alas, you're proud of yourself nonetheless to be able to get to the endpoint. You decide to sit the rest of the party and watch everyone dancing to the blaring music while quietly sipping your drink.
Frida joins you and leans in to ask you against the loud music playing, "How are you doing, my darling?"
You swallow your drink first to answer her, "I'm having a good time with everyone but I can't lie, I miss him."
Frida smiles and nods, "I can see that."
Everyone knows you're not good at hiding your feelings so it comes as no surprise that she can see it, "But it's normal, right? If anything it shows that my feelings for him are deep and real."
"Of course!" She shortly replies.
"I think about him and the memories we could've had. He's not only my partner, but he's also my best friend like... I don't even think about the physical stuff anymore. I genuinely miss him," you openly share with her.
You miss his cute morning greeting, you miss having conversations with him, you miss listening to his random ideas and you simply miss being around him. You miss him with your whole heart.
Someone lets out a scream and you almost jump on your seat, Frida is as startled too. Then everyone looks in the direction of the stairs that leads down to the beach and you turn your head to see someone appears.
"Who is that?" Edie asks in a panic.
No one can see who it is with the mysterious person wearing a hooded black cape and looking down to hide his face. The figure keeps walking and stops in front of everyone, slowly revealing himself by pulling his hood down.
"Oh my goodness!" You let out a loud gasp in reaction to his return.
It's really him, it's Hyunjin and he's coming back.
-
YOU: This is one of the happiest moments in my entire life. And he just looks so good in all black.
-
Hyunjin is ecstatic to see everyone's reaction to his return, especially you. You light up the second he reveals that it's him and you come running to him, throwing your arms around him to welcome him with a tight, warm hug.
He lifts you off the ground and holds you just as tight, feeling his heart getting less heavier the longer he holds you.
Realizing that there are other people, he slowly puts you down to give everyone else a hug as well.
"I can't believe it!" Edie exclaims, jumping on her feet while hugging you from the side.
Andy is still in disbelief as well, he roughly brushes his hair to the back and asks, "Are you staying, bro?"
"Yeah. Tell us what is going on?" Frida hesitantly asks.
Hyunjin uses the opportunity to explain what happened to him after he got sent home by Lana that day.
"As I got kicked out of the retreat, Lana decided to give me a second chance," he says.
"I went through a one-on-one workshop. It was intense but I learned so much about myself and it'll help me moving forward," he pauses in the middle to look at you, "especially with you."
You brightly smile as he points at you and you come to his side, hugging him with eyes that flicker as you look at him.
"Which is why I'm here," he says to everyone.
-
HYUNJIN: I'm back, baby! [Grins]
-
Hyunjin is glad to be back here.
He has had to work on himself, he changed his outlook on things but the biggest thing he's taking from the entire experience is that he has a genuine connection with you.
You take him by the hand to the bedroom to have some privacy so you can comfortably catch up with each other.
"You're back," you happily exclaim as you enter the bedroom.
You turn around on your feet and look at him, "Can't believe you're back," you say again.
He takes your other hand and pulls you into a hug, "I'm here baby," he assures you that his presence is real and not just your imagination.
"I missed you," you mutter with a long sigh, a sigh that lets out all of your worries and restlessness.
"Missed you too, baby," he mutters back. In fact, he never missed someone this much in his entire life.
You both stay like that for a moment until he takes you to sit on your shared bed. He endearingly brushes your hair to the side and holds the side of your face.
"How are you?" He softly asks.
"I felt like grieving a death these past couple of days," you answer with a sad pout, "what about you? You need to fill me in about everything."
"That day... So many emotions going through me. Confusion, anger, there was so much that I can't even explain it to you," he replies, letting out a sigh that describes how overwhelmed he was that day when Lana sent him home.
"Let me tell you when I was away, I missed everyone," he says, lacing his hand together with you on his lap, "but you were on my mind 24/7."
There wasn't a moment where Hyunjin didn't think of you, it was what kept him going and eventually earned his way back here.
A smile rises on your face and oh, how he missed it, that smile cures all of his sorrow away and replaces it with something that wraps his heart warmly.
"I'm so happy you're here," you say to him with a blissful smile that shows him how much you meant those words.
You crash yourself at him, burying your face in his chest as he hugs you close while putting soft kisses on the top of your head.
You look up at him and smile with your eyes closed, "It still feels like a dream to me."
The melodic chime shatters the tender moment and Hyunjin immediately breaks the hug to face the cone.
"What's up, Lana?" He asks the cone. He glances at you and you give him a puzzled look in return.
"Hyunjin, through your one-on-one workshop, you were able to access your true feelings about your partner, proving to me that your connection is more than skin deep," Lana says.
Hyunjin nods and keeps holding your hand on his lap as he intently listens to what Lana is saying.
"However, actions speak louder than words. Which is why you will both be put to the ultimate test."
Of course, the thought of being put into another test makes him nervous because the last time he had it, he lost everything. This time he's sure will be different, he has learned to control his urges and is more prepared now.
"A night alone in the suite."
However, a test is a test and it's not going to be easy.
"While I was absent, the total sum of your rule breaks was $90,000," Lana informs, "If you refrain from breaking the rules tonight, you will win back all the money for the group."
Finding out how much his reckless act costs him that night at the suite, he realizes how selfish and how big of a mess he made for the group. Now, he's given the chance for redemption and he has to take it.
He looks at you and says, "Time to repay our debt."
"I have gathered the rest of the group at the cabana. You must now tell them of your challenge," Lana orders.
He takes a deep breath and answers her, "Challenge accepted, Lana!"
-
HYUNJIN: It's going to be the hardest test for me but will all the stuff I've gone through in the workshops, I'll show how much I've improved myself.
-
As Lana said, everyone has gathered in the cabana and waiting for both of you. It feels so awkward standing facing everyone, it's like he's trying to admit a crime he hasn't even committed yet
"We have news for you guys," you start the talk.
Hyunjin takes his turn to continue while steadily holding your hand, "Basically, Lana told us that we've got a night at the suite," he announces.
He can see that they don't take the news well because the last time you and he were in that suite, all hell broke loose so why the final test has to be held there he guesses is what everyone reckons.
"This is the final test," he says, emphasizing the importance of it, "If we pass this Lana will give back $90,000 to the prize fund."
Everyone is cheering at the mention of how much money will be gained from it but the key to success here lies in whether you both pass the test or not.
"Lord, help us all..." Diego sighs loud enough for him to hear it.
He understands that some people are still skeptical about him if the workshops really worked on helping him with his physical urges. But that's the motivation he needs, it encourages him to prove them wrong.
"The only way to make you guys proud is to pay you guys back," he says.
"That's right," Remy says, nodding along to his words.
You look at him before looking back to everyone, "Wish us the best of luck?"
No one says anything and it's getting awkward with each passing second goes in silence.
"Well, we've got nothing left now so please, do us proud," Andy says, representing everyone as he said it.
You look at each other at the same time that you both crack into laughter, he takes your hand and waves bye at everyone to leave for the private suite.
"Oh, yay! We get to go to suite again," you lowly exclaim and giggle.
-
HYUNJIN: It'd be nice to pay the debt to everyone but when I'm with her, the tension goes... [whistles] through the roof.
-
It feels like a dream still that Hyunjin is here.
The second you enter the private suite, you turn around and hug him again, feeling the warmth of his body against yours and drinking in his natural scent that you didn't know you missed so much.
"Missed you so much," you tell him again and again because telling him once is not enough and even though you're with him, you're missing him still.
He hugs you back and kisses you on the neck, without warning, hoisting your body to take you to bed.
The suite is decorated similarly to the first time you got here, the room is dim and lit candles lined up on one side of the wall, rose petals on the bed, a bottle of champagne chilled in a bucket of ice, the sex toys and condoms are present and ready to use.
You don't need any more pointers to sex, the room itself reminds you of what you did the last time you were here. Not going to lie, you get butterflies from the flashbacks.
Hyunjin swiftly pops open the wine and fills the flutes with bubbling wine.
"Do you remember what we did the last we were here?" You playfully ask him.
He licks his lips after sipping his wine, making them wetter and redder like a ripe cherry.
"When I told you you were on my mind 24/7, our time in the suite is included," he shamelessly admits.
"Which one?" You ask with a sly smile.
"The second time," he shortly replies.
It's impossible not to think about it when you had sex in this very room, on this very bed and the person you did it with is with you. You can see that he's thinking of the same thing too and despite everything, it was special for both of you.
"It means that it's our third time in suite," you remark, hooking your fingers on the belt loop on his jeans.
He leans in and puts your hair to the side so he can place a gentle kiss on your jaw. With his mouth only an inch away from your ear, he asks, "And you know what they say?"
"What?" You lowly ask back.
"Third time is a charm," he replies with a smirk and another kiss on your cheek, a little too close to the corner of your mouth.
You refrain from sexual stuff just fine when you're alone but when you're with him, all of your senses and everything you learned in this retreat are out of the window. He has that much influence on you and that's what makes him dangerous.
"Should we make a toast?" You suggest, raising your glass to the middle.
"Sure."
You clink your glasses together and say, "The third time is a charm."
"Third time is a charm," Hyunjin repeats the words while devilishly smiling at you and his teeth faintly biting his lower lips.
-
YOU: We did it once but I'm afraid, it'd only make us crave it more [bites lips]
-
You stand facing the sink and carefully take off your earrings, then your necklaces next, unclasping them one by one while Hyunjin checks the bathwater.
He then walks up to you, noticing that you probably need his help, "Need help?"
"Help me with the dress, please?" You sweetly ask as you place all of your pieces of jewelry into the soap holder.
"Okay," he obeys, putting all of your hair to the side before slowly unzipping your dress. He parts it open, exposing your back to the cool night air.
"Want me to take it off of you too?" He offers with his knuckles lightly caressing your back.
"Yeah, sure," you answer.
Hyunjin looks at you through the mirror as he pulls the straps of your dress down your arms and instead of keep pulling it down, he pulls it over your head and you raise your arms to the air to make it easier for him.
You can hear his low sigh as he takes a look at the reflection of your naked body in the mirror and he doesn't hesitate to slip his arms under and around you.
"My baby is so beautiful," he murmurs with his plush lips on your shoulder and drags them to your neck.
It feels a lot more arousing as he's holding your naked body while still fully dressed, you can feel his rough clothing making friction with your skin with the slightest of his movements.
"Mind your hands, please," you remind him as his hands slide down to your thighs.
He immediately rests his hands on each side of your waist and kisses your neck before pulling away. While you're putting your hair into a bun, you quietly watch him taking his clothes off through the mirror.
He's a lot more attractive than the one you imprinted in your mind, you wouldn't say he's muscular but he has muscles in the right places and they contracted when he's taking his shirts over his head, sending his hair disheveled.
You hurriedly distract yourself, taking care of the bath and turning the faucet off. You check the temperature once more by dipping your hand into the water.
"Bath is ready," you announce.
When you look over your shoulder, Hyunjin is already standing behind you, naked. You suddenly get nervous at how close he is, you can feel the heat his body emitting.
"You need help to take it off too?" He teasingly asks, picking at the thin strap of your underwear.
"If you want to," you coyly answer.
Hyunjin surely won't skip the chance to get physical with you, you stand still while hugging yourself as he takes your underwear off for you. He slowly pulls it down until it's pooling around your ankle and you kick it to the side.
"Are you going to help me get into the tub too?" You tease with a sly smile on your face.
To your surprise, he lifts you newlywed style and gently puts you down into the tub, showcasing his strength and the muscles on his arms.
"Anything else I can help you with?" He sweetly asks.
You take his hand and pull him close, leaving only a few inches between your faces. Seeing him this close and not being able to kiss him is a real torture.
"Actually yes, can you get the wine, please?" You politely ask with a soft smile.
-
YOU: I know for a fact that we can't be close to each other because if there's a spark, we'll catch a fire.
-
Memories are coming back, you and him in the bathtub, the water is warm but the temperature keeps on rising and rising. It's a scene that was once very familiar to him.
He'll never get used to seeing your naked body, you'll always appealing, alluring, and irresistible to him, it takes everything in him to not follow the urge to put his hands all over you.
The plan is to try to keep himself away from you but it seems like he already failed on that.
"Want to come to you," you say, putting your glass away and crawling over to him.
Unfortunately, your hand slips down the edge of the tub, sending you collapsing onto him but he's quick to catch you and steady you.
"Are you okay?"
You laugh as you rub your elbow, "I'm okay."
To avoid more accidents, he allows you to sit straddling him inside the tub, your hands are around his shoulders and your eyes are boring into his, filled with filthy ideas just like his.
"Let's get to know each other," you say.
He keeps his hands gripping the edges of the tub instead of on you, "Okay."
Your head is hovering above him and beads of water are dropping from the end of your hair onto his chest, "What's your favorite position?"
He kind of expected that the question would be about sex and he was right. Instead of running away from it, you're going straight for it, leading him into it. He drops his head to the back and groans.
"We shouldn't even think about it," he grumbles.
You're chuckling and lifting his head back to face you by supporting the nape of his neck with your hand, "We're just getting to know each other," you innocently say.
Hyunjin touches his lips as he thinks of an answer. He can think of his favorite positions but he can't help but think of the ones he wants to do with you. Then he looks at you and how you're straddling him, the way your eyes look down at him.
"I think this is the best position," he finally answers.
You tuck your hair behind your ear and place your hand on his chest, "Me on top is your favorite position?"
"I said best position for you, not for me," he explains it to you with a grin, "But I know I'd enjoy it nonetheless."
You giggle in response and lean in to kiss his neck, he's not expecting you to keep going at it, making a trail of kisses down the column of his throat.
This is not good and if he lets you keep going, he's not sure he can restrain himself anymore. He puts his hand on your neck and turns your head to make you look at him.
"We're here to talk so let's talk," he softly says, he gently touches your cheek with his thumb.
You nod and smile, leaning in while tightening your arms around his shoulders.
"Well, I'm so happy for us," you bump your nose against him, "Can you see that I'm so into you?"
It's hard to focus on the talk when your nipples are lightly grazing his chest. He has to actively tell his brain to keep it together.
"I never thought I'd meet the one here," he mutters to you.
You slip your hand into his hair, playing with his little ponytail and twirling it around your finger.
"Am I the one?" You ask with a shy smile.
He stares into your eyes which slowly enchant him, "You are the one."
He can't even believe that he said that out loud and his mouth would get ahead of his brain, but that doesn't make it less true. You are the one for him.
"I'd love to kiss you right now," you murmur with your lips merely inches away from his.
He immediately stops you from following your desire, he holds your face with both hands and keeps you close, "I'd love to do a thousand things to you but..." he can barely finish his sentence, he ends it with a sigh instead.
-
HYUNJIN: She's not making it easy for me, especially in the suite.
-
Bath time is over doesn't mean the temptation ends there too. You're dressed in a flimsy night dress that leaves so little to imagination and you catch him staring through it yet do nothing to stop him from doing it.
Hyunjin knows you secretly enjoy being ogled on like this.
"I feel like I need to test you a little bit," you say.
He lets out a chuckle, "Why?"
You put your hand across his chest and hover above him, "I need to know that you can be around me and you know, be good," you say with a nonchalant shrug.
He puts his hands under his head to prevent him from touching you, "I think I can. That's why I'm back," he not-so-confidently says.
"Okay," you repeatedly nod and touch his chest, caressing his soft, warm skin, then pour some wine onto it.
"What are you doing?" He asks with a suppressed moan as the wine streams down his front.
"I owe you a body shot, remember?" You coyly say, leaning in to drink the wine right from his body.
Hyunjin watches as you lick and suck the wine on his abdomen, you don't even hesitate to use your tongue to collect the droplets of wine on his abs.
"Oh, look at you being naughty!" He murmurs, feeling aroused at how you give him seductive gazes once in a while.
You giggle in response and continue your trail of kisses up to his neck and start nibbling on his ear, making his eyes flutter open and shut, immersed in the pleasure.
He has to use his hand to stop you or else, he'll get too worked up and—
You pull away and sit on the bed, tugging the hem of your night dress to take it off and leaving only your silk underwear on.
"And what are you doing now?" He asks, thinking that he's safely made it after that kinky body shot.
"You're okay with me sleeping naked tonight, right?" You say, tossing the night dress at him.
This is unfair. He's trying to be good and here you are, making it hard for him, literally and figuratively, and it's like everything he learned in that workshop evaporated from his head the second he sees your naked body.
You crawl over to him and just stay like that, hovering above him, teasing him with your body and how your breasts hang close to his face.
Using his knuckles, Hyunjin caresses your sternum down to your abdomen, then rests his hands on each side of your waist. How did he get himself into this compromising position?
"I'm anxious," he mutters.
You slowly lay yourself down on top of him and prop your elbow against the mattress to support your head, "Why?"
"Because I'm able to do whatever I want with you," he murmurs with his hand continuously rubbing the soft skin on your back.
You swipe your thumb across his lips and turn his head to face you, "If it were up to me, we could just say fuck it."
He slyly grins and licks his lips, making them glisten under the dim light, "Should we?"
You place a hot kiss on his neck and another on the sensitive skin behind his ear, then you softly whisper to him, "I say let's enjoy ourselves."
-
HYUNJIN: Despite everything, I think we deserve this last suite.
-
In the morning, it rains down kisses on your back, shoulder, and neck. He stretches his arm out, gesturing you to rest your head on it so he can pull you closer and peppering you with more neck and shoulder kisses.
"Morning," he hums to you.
"Morning," you mumble with eyes barely open.
You both stay like that for another moment, cuddling each other and simply enjoying each other's presence in comfortable silence.
After a while, he looks over your shoulder and says, "I had a great night last night."
You hold his hand and clutch it close to your chest along with the duvet, "Me too."
The morning continues with breakfast, you borrow Hyunjin's shirts since you're wearing nothing but your underwear. It really brings back the memory of the first time you went to the suite together with him.
While you're busy chewing your food, he suddenly grabs your elbow.
"You have a bruise, babe," he informs you with his thumb gently rubbing on it.
You put down your fork and immediately have a look at it, there's a blossoming bruise right below your elbow.
"Oh?" You guessed it was from last night when you accidentally slipped in the tub.
"Does it hurt?" His voice is tinted with concern.
"Well, it's your fault," you grumble at him and pick up your fork to continue eating.
He looks so puzzled at your words, making you want to tease him more.
"You were so rough last night," you jokingly add with a grin.
"Not that you minded last time," He replies with a cheeky response, then aggressively throws himself at you and attacks your neck with kisses.
There's not much time left in the suite, you head straight to the bathroom after breakfast, wash up, and change into a new pair of bikini. You're brushing your hair and tying it into a ponytail since you didn't take any of your hair products with you.
Hyunjin lifts you by the waist and sits you down on top of the sink, deciding to seduce you at the last minute, kissing you all over your chest and neck. Moans are spilling out of your parted mouth as he drags his full lips along your collarbone, then kisses the base of your throat.
He cages you between his arms and slightly bends down to be on the same eye level as you. The way he looks at you fondly yet intensely gets your heart flips and your belly turning at the same time. You keep your hands on his chest just in case he tries to do something.
However, you're not sure you can restrain yourself too when he looks this good with his hair slightly tousled and his lips are merely inches away from yours.
He then leans in, bringing his mouth to the side of your head, "I can put it in for a bit," he seductively whispers with his breath tickling your ear.
If you were anywhere than here, you would have crumbled in front of him in a second. Thankfully, you remember the task at hand and immediately push him away.
"Come on, we have to go!"
-
YOU: [Chuckles] It's kind of hard to resist him because I'm really, really attracted to Hyunjin.
-
The two of you going to the bedroom since everyone else is still there, probably waiting in anticipation whether we win that $90,000 back or not.
"What are we going to say to them?" Hyunjin asks.
"The prize fund is zero so I guess there's no money to lose here," You jokingly answer.
Hyunjin pushes the door of the bedroom and lets you in first. You see that everyone is still sitting on their beds and the chatter abruptly stops when they see you enter the room.
You both keep your facial expression calm and plain as you take a seat on the bench sofa in the middle of the room with Lana sitting prettily on the table at the end of the sofa.
Hyunjin looks at everyone and then at you, "Do you want to start?"
Well, you haven't thought of what you want to say but everyone is looking at you in anticipation and waiting for you to say something.
You open your mouth to speak but the cone gets ahead of you, Lana chimes and lights up.
"Last night, you both faced the ultimate test," Lana goes straight into business.
"If Hyunjin could put what he learned into practice, and as a couple you could refrain from breaking any retreat rules, the prize fund will be increased from $0 to $90,000."
You keep looking at the cone as she speaks and at times, glancing at Hyunjin.
"However, what I did not see was that your partner would be the problem."
Lana doesn't have to expose you like that, you were just having a little fun last night. You dramatically roll your eyes at the cone then look away.
"Even though she was successful in sexually arousing Hyunjin, he was able to dig deep, hold firm, and respect the rules of my retreat."
The most important part of it all is that you did not break the rules but okay, you'll let it slide because Lana is going to give back that $90,000.
"Which means the prize fund now stands at $90,000," Lana announces.
"Oh, yeah!" Diego triumphantly shouts and punches the air at the same time.
Andy is loudly whistling in reaction while everyone else is applauding the two of you for successfully paying your debts.
"Proud of you, guys," Edie cheerily says with a big smile on her small face.
"This is what you called growth," Remy says with two thumbs up.
It does pay to be good and you're happy that you don't owe anyone anything now. You can't say that it was easy to pass the test but you're proud of yourself for not acting selfishly and proving that you both have grown personally and as a couple.
"As a reward for showing restraint and putting the interests of the group above your own, I'm sending you on a date this afternoon," Lana adds.
Hearing that gets you to jump up and crash yourself at Hyunjin, and thankfully, he catches you right on time. Instead of putting you down, he hoists you higher and gives you a spin.
"Aww, stop it! You guys are so cute," Vic says in jealousy.
-
YOU: The last few days have been so hard for both of us. We earned this date. [Squeals] Oh, I'm just so excited!
-
Hyunjin meticulously picks his outfits for the date.
He settles on a light blue shirt and dark swimming trunks, he ties his long, dark hair half up and half down, and he uses his cologne with the scent you like so much.
As he waits by the beach for you, he's organizing his thoughts and planning on the things he wants to say to you. He has a plan in mind but he hasn't figured out how to do it yet, but more importantly, how to get the best outcome.
There you are, looking so beautiful with a smile that is brighter than the sun, walking up to him and only him. He holds his hand out of you even though you're still out of his reach.
"Have you been waiting long?" You ask the second you take his hand.
"Not long enough, apparently," he jokingly replies.
A boat takes you to a small island where the staff has prepared a nice picnic, along with a basket of food and a bottle of wine.
It's such a nice date, the sun is about to set for the day and there's no one in sight, it's just you and him, enjoying each other's company.
"You look amazing," he compliments you and how you look in your floral sundress.
"Thank you, baby. So are you," you compliment back with a smile.
He still doesn't know how to start, he can't just suddenly talk his feelings out but he knows he has to consider that he has limited time to do it, this date won't last forever and if he doesn't do it now, he'd only allow himself to keep retreating.
"I'm going to be honest, it's your physical caught my attention first," he confesses.
You smile and keep your eyes on him, letting him finish his talk while holding your champagne flute close to your mouth.
"I can't even say anything bad about you. You're stunning, undeniably beautiful," he awkwardly raises his hand at you.
Your smile grows wider and brighter, flustered from his words.
"But what truly amazed me was what you have inside. You're beautiful inside and out, and I admire you for that," he sincerely tells you as he lovingly stares at your face.
He puts down his glass of wine so he can take your hand and holds it in his, he looks at you again with a facial expression that turns a little tense from a while ago.
"I learned a lot with everything we've been through," he says, his thumb lazily rubbing the back of your hand as he speaks.
"We've come a long, long way," he adds.
Realizing that the talk is getting serious, you also put your drink away and give all of your attention to him.
"Yeah," you agree with a light nod.
"And for as long as I can remember, my emotions have been so shut off. I never felt what I feel for you with anyone else, ever," he emphasizes every word to let you know how much he means it.
You tilt your head to the side without taking your eyes off of him, and a smile that never wears off even for a second.
"You've brought out a vulnerable side of me I never wanted to bring out," he admits.
You nod again to show him that you are present and listening to every word he's saying.
"You made me realize that I do have a heart and I'm willing to take whatever risks are to come," he continues.
The smile on your face wavers a bit and you ask, "Are you sure?"
He nods and confidently answers, "Yes."
His next question is the one that he dreads to ask you but he has to, he has to know what you think before he can continue with the most important of all.
He gulps air and bravely asks, "What do you think about doing long distance relationship?"
He thought asking it would be the scariest part but it's not, it's waiting for the answer.
"Well, that's going to be a big challenge," you honestly answer.
For the first time, you break your eye contact with him and add, "The thought of it is scary to me."
The answer is making him nervous and he suddenly doubts his decision to ask you the big question. He gets caught between two choices: continue his plan and risk getting rejected or abort the plan and try again next time?
Risk it or play it safe?
-
HYUNJIN: I want her to be my girlfriend but the one thing that scares me the most is the person I've fallen for lives on the other side of the world.
-
It seems like something you said displeased Hyunjin in a way, maybe you said something he doesn't want to hear and you understand if he feels that way, you just want to keep it honest with him.
Since Hyunjin has done talking, you take the turn to tell him about your feelings and more. It's impossible to put your feelings into words but you try your best at it.
But first, you close the gap between your bodies, you scoot closer to him, and put your clasped hands on your lap.
"Hyunjin," you softly call him to get his attention.
"Yes?" He sweetly replies.
"I loved meeting you and getting to know who you really are," you barely began but you're feeling emotional already, "I loved how we've fallen for each other so fast but at the same time, it was natural and nice."
He keeps his eyes on you and at times, keeps your hair tucked to your ear from the sea breeze.
"We got to talk about our lives and exchange thoughts and ideas too," you continue while trying not to break into tears in between your words.
"And the way you're always there for me, oh..." you let out a sigh with eyes closed, "it's amazing."
From what he said earlier, you get it now that he's dreading the same thing with you. Once the retreat ends, the two of you have to go back home and live far away from each other. You can't even bear losing him for those two days after he got eliminated so what makes you believe you can stand living far away from him?
It's hard but it's not about capability, it's whether you're willing or not. For him, you're willing to do anything.
"Someone a million miles away that's worth it will always be worth it," you tell him.
He looks so tense that you doubt he catches the meaning of what you said to him so you simplify it for him.
"No man I've ever met is worth it," you hold his hand tighter and continue, "Except you."
The warmth and the glow on his face return almost immediately like someone has turned up the brightness on his face.
"I've never liked someone as much as I like you and I'm willing to make it work," you remark.
Hyunjin looks relieved but you can see that he's holding something back, you sense he still has something else to say to you.
"Um..." he tucks a lock of his hair behind his ear.
You lean in close and curiously ask, "What?
He looks up and he immediately holds your eyes in an intense gaze, "I would like to go to the next step," he says.
It's like someone holds your heart and squeezes it tight, making you hold your breath without you wanting to.
"Will you be my girlfriend?" Hyunjin asks with eyes that are filled with hopeful glints.
You allow yourself to breathe to give him a confident answer, "Yes."
Hyunjin doesn't wait to put his arms around you and pull you into a hug, he buries his nose in your neck to drink in your natural scent that gives him a sense of comfort.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes..." you repeatedly say as you hug him back.
Without looking, you can hear him smiling close to your ear and you don't expect him to say those three words right into your ear.
"I love you."
You immediately pull away from his hug and look at him, "Me too," you whine.
You almost cry because all this time, you thought he didn't like you as much as you do or even had the faintest idea that he would be the first and this soon to say those three words to you.
"You love me?" He asks in disbelief.
"I've been holding myself back from telling you that 'cause I'm not sure if you feel the same so I waited for you to say it first," you can't hold it much longer, you let your emotions out and your eyes instantly get teary.
"Oh, baby," he coos, pulling you into a hug again. He holds your face with both hands and places a chaste kiss on your forehead, long and lingering, making your heart overflow with warm feelings.
"Say it again to me, please?" He sweetly begs.
"I love you," you softly mutter.
You thought saying it would lessen the ache in your heart but it's the opposite, your heart still aches every time you say it because it's real and it's true, and the pain is the proof of it.
There's that melodic chime and you look around to see where it comes from, not realizing that it's both of your watches turn green.
Hyunjin doesn't waste another second but bring your head close and slightly tilts your head upward. He flashes you a smile before leaning in and placing his soft lips on yours. You close your eyes to heighten the other senses so you can taste him more and feel him better.
The kiss itself is rewarding and exceptional, you feel like kissing him for the first time all over again.
He stops and pulls away for a second to ask, "Is it still green?"
You glance down at your wrist and nod, "Uh-huh, it's still green."
Hyunjin dives in for another kiss, putting his hand on the nape of your neck and deepening the kiss rather too passionately, sending you both to fall onto the picnic mat.
-
YOU: We've still got a lot to learn and there's going to be plenty more challenges for us out there but if he's by my side, I don't think anything can go wrong.
-
Some people are hanging out in the firepit, catching the two of you walking hand-in-hand, returning from the date. They are hooting at the sight of you and you can't help but smile, well, you've been smiling non-stop since Hyunjin asked you to be his girlfriend.
"Look at you, guys! Smiling ear to ear!" Saskia teases you with a pat on your butt.
You both sit on the smaller sofa facing everyone, "I know you won't believe it but we got a green light," you brag with a grin.
"Oh!" Saskia coos with her hands covering her mouth.
"Go on, spill!" Emilie demands the details from you.
"It was a beautiful date. We went to this beautiful small island, just the two of us," you make it succinct for all of them.
"And we're official now," Hyunjin adds with her arm around your shoulder.
"Man, you have a girlfriend now!" Andy proudly says, coming at him for an aggressive hug.
"Aww, I'm so happy for you guys," Emilie mutters with an envious smile.
The happy moment has to end with Lana assembling everyone in the cabana. You both successfully gained back $90,000 in the prize fund so you don't have to worry about the money anymore. Then again, you never know what's coming, all you know is she always makes you worry in this retreat.
The cone chimes and at this point, you give up on trying to guess what kind of news she's going to announce this time.
"Hello, everyone."
"Hi, Lana!" Everyone replies
"How do you feel knowing the retreat is almost over?" She asks.
"I'm happy we learned a lot," Andy answers.
"Yeah. Exactly," Saskia agrees with him.
"Sad that it'll be over soon," Edie says with a pout.
"Can we stay a little longer?" Saskia jokingly asks.
"As this is your last night in the retreat, I've prepared a special Cinelana with your best moments in the retreat," she announces.
All is cheering in response to this delightful surprise from Lana but Edouard isn't that delighted to hear it.
"Another Cinelana?" He asks with a weird look on his face, "I heard the last one wasn't very good."
While Andy is rubbing his hands together in excitement, "It's going to be awesome."
"Fuck. Everyone is going to cry," Frida says, already fanning her eyes in case it waters.
The TV lights up with the screen showing the word 'Cinelana' and then a video plays, a compilation of moments from the first time the group entered the retreat to the recent one where everyone had fun during the cooking workshop.
Everyone cheers whenever someone is kissing and laughs whenever it shows the goofy things people did, and for you, your heart bursts whenever you and Hyunjin appear on the screen, getting all sorts of emotions as you're watching it.
Edie puts her arm around you and holds you close as the video keeps playing, she's getting emotional as well the more she watches.
When the video ends, everyone takes a moment to compose themselves before applauding. Looking back at it, you can see that you have grown a lot as a person and you find yourself getting emotional by it, you carefully wipe the corners of your eyes and try not to ruin your makeup.
"Damn. I look that good on TV?" Andy playfully says.
"Play it again!" Saskia pleads with her hands raised in the air.
Lana chimes again and starts talking, "After reviewing your steps here at the retreat, I can see that you've changed a lot since you arrived here. Anything you'd like to share?"
Everyone shares their experiences in the retreat and how it changed them in a way. When it comes to your turn, you take a second to gather your thoughts and organize them into words.
"I feel like I had a lot of barriers and here, I learned to open up and really be myself," you share.
Hyunjin takes his turn next, licking his lips before speaking, "In here, I learned that the more honest you are with people, the more they become part of your life," he says with a smile and a glance at you.
It's only hitting you now that the retreat is going to end soon and you feel emotional all over again. Everything that you went through here, shaped you into who you are today and for that, you're grateful for this experience.
After all, everyone is really happy to know that we did our best and everything worked out in the end.
-
YOU: I'm having mixed feelings, you know? I miss everything that has happened here. It was really like a movie, it went by so fast.
-
The lights are on too early or that's what you thought. You stay lying on your stomach and dive back into your pillow, refusing to wake up.
Not long after, Hyunjin sneaks his hand under and rests it on the arch of your back. He lands gentle caresses on your back and softly murmurs, "Wake up, baby."
"Mmh," you hum in response to let him know that you're awake.
Dissatisfied with your answer, he hovers above you and slowly puts most of his weight on you.
"Wake up," he says again with a slobbering kiss on your bare shoulder.
"I'm awake," you croak with your eyes closed.
He gently removes the hair covering your face to place a kiss on your cheek, "Still sleepy, mmh?"
You lift your head from the pillow and nod with your eyes still shut.
"Cute," he comments and places another kiss on your cheek.
He lets you sleep more as he cuddles you in his arms, playing with your hair while chatting with Andy on the next bed.
A while later, the cone chimes for her usual morning greeting.
"Good morning, everyone."
"Morning, Lana!" Diego is the loudest to reply to her greeting.
"Welcome to the last day of the retreat."
It's kind of hard to believe that you're close to the end line and when you look back at it, it feels so short compared to the thought you had when you started it.
"I'll be announcing who the finalists are shortly," Lana announces.
Hoping to win the money too would be too much to ask, you already feel incredibly lucky that Lana decided to give Hyunjin another chance and make it possible for you to finish the retreat together with him.
"This is the last day! Let's make it count!" Edie cheerfully shouts to the room.
Hyunjin cups your cheek and looks at you, "Want to swim together?"
"Okay," you mumble.
"Okay?"
"Okay," you repeat with a chuckle.
You head straight to the bathroom to wash up and change into a swimsuit before joining Hyunjin in the swimming pool.
The morning sun heats the pool water, making it lukewarm and comfortable for you to dip your feet in. You sit and watch Hyunjin skillfully swimming in a backstroke style.
As he waddles his way to you, you hold your arms out at him, "Take me for a ride, baby!"
He brushes his wet hair to the back before turning around, offering his back at you, and lets you hop on it. You put your arms around his neck for support as he takes you for a swim around the pool.
"So, what's our plan?" You surprise him with a question as the two of you stand on the side of the pool.
"Uhm..." he takes a second to wipe the beads of water on his face, "You're coming home with me, that's for sure."
You prop a hand under your chin and slyly smile at him, "And?"
This time, he wipes the beads of water hanging under his chin, "You want to know?"
"Uh-huh," you eagerly nod.
"Come closer and I'll tell you," he says with his fingers gesturing you to come close.
You obey and lean closer, he leans in as well but his mouth gets way too close to your ear and when you think he's about to whisper something, he kisses your neck instead.
He keeps you close with his arm tightly wrapped around your waist and instead of trying to fight it, you cave in and hold him back.
It's a moment like this that makes you wish things remain the same once you get outside of this retreat.
-
YOU: I'll miss waking up next to him and just being with him all the time [sadly smiles]
-
A little after lunch, Lana gathered everyone for the finalist's announcement. They may seem calm but you believe, they anticipate the news on whether they have the chance to win the money or not.
Lana comes online and after all these times, that melodic chime makes you nervous still.
"Oh, I'm not going to miss that sound," you groan.
Hyunjin smiles and rubs his hand up and down your arm to comfort you.
"Hello, everyone," Lana greets.
"Hello, Lana!" Everyone enthusiastically replies which is very unusual.
"I've been collecting data since you arrived and have now conducted my final analysis," She informs.
You have accepted the fact that your chance to be a finalist is slim, close to zero so you don't anticipate the announcement as much as everyone else.
"As you are aware, there was a prize fund of $200,000 allocated to aid your development. Now, the prize fund stands at $90,000."
"That's a lot of money," Diego says even though more than half of the total prize money has gone.
"There are three places at the final," Lana reveals.
You see everyone is glancing at each other and probably, calculating their chances in their heads as they keep following Lana's further explanation.
"Following my rules alone isn't enough to win. The finalists are those who have shown the most personal growth during their time at the retreat."
-
YOU: Will I win the money? Probably not. But would I like to win the money? Yes, I'd love to.
-
Hyunjin doesn't hope much about winning the money, he's happy just to gain that money back for everyone to win in the first place.
"The first finalist is..."
He also believes that Lana will make the right choices so whoever gets chosen, deserves it.
"Vic and Edouard, I nominate you as a couple," Lana announces.
Vic and Edouard take a stand and hug each other, looking utterly happy to be one of the three finalists. As a couple, they blossomed from all the hardships they went through together and that makes them deserve a spot in the final three.
"The second finalist is..." Lana continues with the announcement.
Hyunjin sees that you don't seem that hopeful to be called as a finalist as well but not disappointed either. The most important thing of all is you got each other and that's enough.
"...Edie."
A round of applause is aimed toward Edie who gladly stands up to take the second finalist spot, smiling as Lana explains the reason why she chose her to be a finalist.
"The third and last finalist is..."
His guess is either Frida or Andy because they both have shown so much growth in the retreat and they've been avid followers of Lana's principles.
"...Hyunjin."
It takes him a minute to register that Lana called his name, well, his guess is off-mark because he didn't expect that he'll be a finalist, or even considered to be one.
You keep yanking his arm, urging him to stand up as Lana instructed. He quickly gets ahold of himself and gets up from the sofa as everyone looks at him with pride.
"Hyunjin, although you connected with your partner from the start, you struggled to change your player ways, putting your sexual desires first and breaking numerous rules that I have to take drastic changes."
You quietly hold his hand behind him and stare up at him with a proud smile on your face, shaking it in excitement.
"But when I gave you a second chance, you embraced the opportunity to grow and found the importance of emotional intimacy."
-
HYUNJIN: I'm just happy to be considered that I am worthy enough, really.
-
It's a privilege to see him grow, he's changed so much from the person you met on the first day of the retreat to the man you're looking at now.
As someone who takes a small part in his transformative journey, you're more than happy to see his growth being acknowledged and standing as one of the finalists.
"Hyunjin, Edie, or Vic and Edouard will walk away with $90,000 and the decision will be made by the remaining guests."
At the end of the day, it's up to us to choose who actually wins because we are there every step of the way and being with each other all the time. You can only hope that everyone is making the right decision.
"Will the shortlisted guests please leave the cabana while the voting takes place?"
You get up to give Hyunjin a quick hug before he leaves with the other finalists.
"See you later," he mutters to you with a peck on your cheek.
"Mmh. See you later," you say with a smile.
Edie waves her hands and blows kisses at everyone before turning around to leave the cabana.
"I've been with them since day one. I've seen their journey so much and it's hard because how can you compare them?" Andy says, torn in between three choices.
"It's a question of decision which one you think deserves it most," Saskia suggests.
-
YOU: Hyunjin may have broken the most rules in the retreat but I've seen him learn and grow from those mistakes so my vote goes to him.
-
The dressing room is crowded and full of chatters, everyone is busy getting ready for the last party in the villa.
You put on the white dress you've been saving for which fits the theme 'White Party'. For the hair, you get help from Vic, curling them into loose, soft waves while you're doing your makeup.
This is what you're going to miss the most, everyone is in one room and interacting, there is laughter and smiles, and all sorts of energy converge in this one room.
Since the finalists have to wait in the dressing room, you make time to have a few words with Hyunjin and come up to him for a hug.
"I'm so proud of you," you mutter low enough only for him to hear and ignore that there are other people in the room.
He doesn't even try to stop you but stays still as you place little kisses and leave faint lipstick marks all over his face.
"So, so proud," you say again while tightening your arms around him.
He carefully pats your hand without ruining your hair and then kisses the top of your head.
"We're going to win that money," he jokingly says with a sly smile.
There's a possibility that he'd win but you don't want to put on a high hope. You decide to laugh it off but secretly wish that it'll come true in your head.
"You'd better. Flight tickets aren't cheap," you joke back.
With another kiss on his cheek, you leave the dressing room and catch Frida checking herself out in the bathroom. You decide to join her to check your appearance one more time.
"Look at us!" Frida says, putting her arm on your shoulder, "We became new women."
You smile as you look at both of your reflections in the mirror, and you like the person that you're seeing, she's confident, she's emotionally available, and ready for the world.
-
YOU: I came in a player and now I'm leaving with my head high and a smile on my face. I just need Hyunjin to win that money [laughs]
-
You and Frida are the last ones to join everyone by the pool where the last party is held. Frida notices that everyone is already holding a drink in their hands.
"Is that Prosecco?" She asks.
Frida squeals even though no one is answering her, she quickly grabs two glasses for her and you with Diego filling them for both of you.
"Let's have a toast for Lana," Andy shouts.
Everyone raises their glasses in the air and waits for the cue to drink it.
"And cheers to our long, hard, sexless summer," Edie adds.
Not long after, the finalists join the party with a dramatic entrance. The moment you had with Hyunjin earlier was so brief that you didn't pay attention to his outfit.
Silk shirts seem tacky to most people but Hyunjin is not most people, he looks damn good in it. It's one of those moments that makes you wonder if he really is your boyfriend. Heck! You even forgot that he's your boyfriend.
"You look amazing," you whisper into his ear.
"Thank you," he shyly says, blushing.
For the first time, everyone is happy for Lana to interrupt the party, mostly because they can't wait to find out who's going to take home the money.
"Good evening, everyone."
It may be going to be the last time you hear that melodic chime and God, let it be the last time.
"During your time at my retreat, you have broken my rules 20 times," Lana announces.
You almost choke on your wine hearing that, feeling guilty for contributing to half of those rule breaks.
"Goddamn!" Remy exclaims with eyes widening in slight shock.
"Throughout your stay, I've observed people commit to the process and ultimately make a significant change," Lana continues.
Edie cups her hands around her mouth and loudly says, "You did a good job, Lana!"
Everyone feels the need to give Lana a round of applause because all the credit goes to that cone-shaped cockblocker.
"The time has come to announce the winner."
This is where things get tense and you feel nervous for Hyunjin no matter how much you convince yourself that he doesn't need to win that money, he doesn't need to win anything at all.
"Finalists, please stand up!" Lana orders.
Hyunjin looks at you and you hurriedly give him a sweet kiss on the cheek.
"You got this, baby," you mutter with a smile as he gets up to hear the winner's announcement.
-
HYUNJIN: We've all been going through so many emotions and pushing ourselves to be better.
YOU: So happy that we've been able to share this experience with everyone here [smiles]
-
"The votes have been counted and only one finalist can check out with a $90,000 prize."
Hyunjin still can't believe that he's standing as one of the finalists and possibly, wins the money. It's a little funny though, remembering he went through a lot to get that money back.
"The person in third place is..."
It would be funnier if he won that money too, right? But he should remain humble, the other two are as deserving as him to win it if not more.
"...Edie."
Instead of looking disappointed, Edie keeps on smiling, she blows kisses to everyone, including him, Vic, and Edouard. Hyunjin smiles back at her, giving her a round of applause for winning third place.
Then it hits him that he's on the top two and it feels real with you holding his hand so tightly behind him.
"The winner who will be leaving with $90,000 is..."
He can feel you hold his hand tighter and tighter in each passing second his knuckles turn white.
"...Vic and Edouard."
-
YOU: We may have not won but I still win because I have the best man here.
HYUNJIN: Money is easy to make, but love is hard to find [smiles]
YOU: [looks at Hyunjin] Well said, baby.
-
Even though you didn't hear the name you wanted to hear, it doesn't stop you from celebrating. You even come to give them a hug to congratulate them on their win.
"Congrats, Vic!" You sincerely say to her as you tightly hug her.
Looking at her crying in happy tears gets you emotional as well, your eyes start to water, feeling tremendously happy for both of them and for everyone too.
To fully celebrate the moment, Edouard pops open a bottle of champagne and sprays it at everyone. You're lucky that Hyunjin immediately shields you from getting wine all over your dress.
After Edouard and Vic take a big, triumphant sip of wine, Lana comes with one, last announcement:
"My retreat is officially over. The rules no longer apply."
The way you and Hyunjin immediately look at each other and waste no time to crash your lips together that your teeth almost collide.
The kiss is momentous, making it a special memory that you'll cherish for life. Dare you say, like a movie.
"Pool party!" Andy spontaneously shouts into the night as he runs and jumps into the pool fully clothed.
Everyone laughs at the idea but a moment later, following suit, jumping into the pool with their clothes still on. Hyunjin looks at you to see if you think of the same thing as him. You nod in signal and take his hand, walking with him to the edge of the pool to finally jump into the swimming pool together.
He emerges out of the water first and hurriedly pulls you out, he puts your arms around him as support.
He suddenly gets the urge to utter his feelings and goes with it, "I love you."
You put your forehead against him and smile, "You know I love you too."
Out of happiness, Hyunjin lifts you up and quickly brings you down once he notices that your wet dress is stuck to your body and exposes everything, and a crazy idea crosses his head at that moment.
"What?" You ask in confusion.
He leans into your ear and says, "Want to check the suite for one last time?"
You gently hit his chest in reaction and break into laughter, and he thinks he should be taking it as it is, a crazy idea and nothing more.
You look around before looking back at him and say, "We should go now before anyone notices."
And this is why he likes you, you're shy but bold at times, a bit crazy but that's how he likes it. But the best thing of all, you are his.
-
YOU: Any final words of wisdom, babe?
HYUNJIN: It was an amazing journey with a perfect ending [smiles]
YOU: [nods] Yes.
HYUNJIN: But if I have to be honest, I just want to take her home now so we can f—
-
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s-4pphics · 10 hours
Note
can i request making ellie choke on readers strap.. I’m talking gargling gagging drooling.. THEE SLOPPIEST head ever
I FORGOT HOW TO WRITE REQS IM SORRYDJDJD ITS BEEN SO LONG…. but ellie’s a finger sucker. a subtle invite to fuck her throat 🩷
ellie’s a fiddler, and it becomes more and more evident the more comfortable she gets. whenever she’s home and has down time, she’s messing with something; a pencil, balled-up pieces of paper that she didn’t have the heart to toss, a guitar pic. anything that fits in her hand… will stay there. she can’t help it. call it nerves or muscle memory or a tic; she doesn’t care. give her something to hold. 
and it’s the same whenever you’re present. on the couch, on her bed, in your bed, her hands are always somewhere on you. i don’t know why, but i feel like she’s one of those people that need to have a part of her body touching someone else’s while she’s sleeping… like her leg wrapped around her partner’s or something like that. she’s always cold and that's her way of staying warm… also uses it as an extra layer of security. wants to make sure you’re still there. <3
but when she’s horny… attached at the hip. grabs at your clothes, nuzzles her face in your shoulder and chest, pinches your legs. a literal pinchy-bug… she’ll be staring with your hand in her lap, hers enclosed around your wrist so you don’t pull away (and when you try to, her hold tightens). 
then she’ll start just mindlessly playing with your fingers. you’re used to her pattern at that point: she counts them over and over again in her head, massages them because they’re stiff… lightly kisses your knuckles. nothing crazy… just feather-like brushes of her lips with your thumb pinched between hers and index. her eyes bat in your direction when her lips smack on your skin. sadly, you never catch the beginning signs that she needs something urgently; she has to force herself not to bite your palm… (she’s a hand admirer… i could write a whole novel on that). it’s only when you feel a light nibble on your middle finger that your forearm flexes… so she does it again. it’s so soft, you’d barely catch it if you didn’t know your fucking girlfriend. 
pops the tip of it between her lips with the lightest suction, and your stomach flips. you attempt to mask the hitch in your breath, but you can’t, and she has the audacity to laugh… all while slowly glazing the tip in saliva before doing that to all your fingers (gives your pinky some extra lovin’). time blurs after that. next thing you know, she’s on her back with three of your fingers hitting the back of her tongue and slobber dripping down to her cheeks. you lay beside her while your other hand gets used like a stress toy; her hands just randomly clench around yours whenever she gags because she’s cute like that. 
when you finally get the hint and she’s done choking on your fingers, you whip it out (of the top drawer). she loves when you straddle her chest and fuck her throat like that. you never notice since you’re facing the opposite direction most times, but whenever you slide a tad too deep, her toes curl in delight. you’re always there to encourage the mess she's making. always call her a sweetheart when she gags on you; it gets her gears going! sometimes she wants her esophagus bruised. sometimes she wants you to scratch her scalp while she sucks the tip. sometimes she just wants to fucking play with it like a stick shift. 
if you own a strap, fuck your partner's throat! save a life and whatnot...
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nebulouscoffee · 5 months
Text
Me, attending the latest in a ridiculous number of funerals this year in the place of a childhood friend who couldn't be there, watching the lifeless body of an old lady who used to make me snacks in the kitchen when I was a kid be carted away forever while my friend's mother cries and tells me she's grateful I could be there because it felt like having the support of her own daughter, hugging her and talking reassuringly and not processing a single one of these emotions: ... I am going to write soooo much fanfiction about this
#''this'' being collective grief. because tbvh it's the main reason I haven't written very much this year (but will slowly start to)#I write to remind myself I am lucky. I keep telling myself this but even now when I feel awful I am so lucky#I am lucky that none of these funerals have involved very close family members or friends of mine#and I am lucky to be living in conditions with the space to write and space to grieve#and space to come together to mourn with dignity while people not that far away from me are not receiving the same privilege rn#I am lucky my dad was with me today and I spent the evening chatting with him on the terrace I am lucky he is alive I am lucky I am lucky#(apologies if this sounds like a robot malfunctioning lmao writing is just how I process things)#(and apparently I just don't seem to feel like I have the right to feel bad about any of this anywhere except my st@r trek blog hehe)#anyway. To stay on theme I shall say something about Trills :D#I imagine loss and grief must register very differently to them. very Non Linearly in the literal sense but also a highly abstract one#even I feel this massive sense of time warp between all these funerals; and this chest-crushing distance between me and my friends#how do Trills even exist#how do they wake up every day remembering all those friends and children and parents who loved them and they loved and are gone now#and still function#how does Ezri feel walking around with memories of parents that aren't hers (but were soooo much better than hers) taking care of her#does she feel comforted by them? does it feel like the people in those memories were always comforting HER specifically?#does it even matter who it belonged to originally if a memory is HERS now?#does Ezri mourn for any parents of past hosts more than she knows she will mourn for her own mother one day?#does having all this lived experience bring her reassuring amounts of perspective for a 20-something or just overwhelm her all the more?#idk; but I hope she learns to take comfort in her past hosts' memories of family eventually...#(...again. I am going to write sooooo much fan fiction about this lmao)#cw death
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zanarkandskylines · 18 days
Note
Hiii omg I love your writings so much!!
May i request texting katsuki while reader is drunk in a bar (maybe bc reader just broke up with her previous boyfriend or sth. It’s up to you but please make it spicy 🔥) (also 18+ please 🥹)
ohhhh the things swirling in my head about this!!! thank you for the request nonnie & hope it delivers! 💜
on the rocks
『 ♡ 』  k.bakugo x fem!reader ꒰ pro-hero au | age 24 | friends to fwb ꒱ ⇢ your week couldn’t get any worse. between a screw up at work and getting dumped out of the blue, you needed to desperately let off some steam. thank goodness the girls were more than happy to take you out for the night in the city and spoil you with a good time. everything’s fine until you receive a text that spirals into an unpredicted hookup.
꒰ tags & warnings ꒱ 18+ MDNI mentions of alcohol, mild/implied smut, suggestive texting, friends to friends with benefits, heavy flirting, sexually comfortable reader, reader went through a break-up, soft bakugo, fluffy ꒰ cross posted to ao3 | wc; ~2.6k ꒱ -`✧ katsuki bakugo masterlist
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The bartender hands you the drink you ordered, nodding a thanks when you smile at her. You’re not drunk, per se, but you’re definitely buzzed - that warm and fuzzy feeling dancing through your veins, letting you relax for the first time all week. Tonight's goal was to think about absolutely nothing, to let go of all the shit weighing on your shoulders. Even if it's just for one night, anything to shake away the pain you've been carrying.
But the alcohol seems to be betraying you, forcibly shoving those thoughts to the forefront of your mind instead of burying them.
Memories of your ex begin to haunt you as your mind wanders aimlessly, the dam bursting that was keeping it all at bay. You try and shake your head to rid yourself of the feelings, but they just wouldn’t go away.
God, fuck him and every false promise he made to you.
Some people would consider three months a short amount of time, but to you, it felt like an eternity. He seemed so sweet, caring and kind when you first met, but once he forcibly ripped off your rose-colored glasses? He was nothing but a walking pile of shit.
Suddenly, your phone dings on the bar, lighting up to show a text message notification.
'Who the fuck is texting me so late?'
You blink a few times, re-reading the contact name before it registers: Katsuki Bakugo.
That's rather...odd. He's notorious for going to bed by 9pm - it’s almost midnight. You two were friends, sure, but never the 'text you in the middle of the night' type of friends. Curious to know what he wanted, you open the text to reveal nothing but a picture. When you squint through your hazy vision, you realize just what you're looking at.
It's a picture of Bakugo from the neck down, laying on his bed in nothing but grey sweats that are tugged down and nestled at the bottom of his hip bones. The pose accentuates the delicious deep V below his abs and shows the blonde trail disappearing underneath the hem of his sweatpants. The shadows trace each well-earned muscle, perfectly outlining them in the dim light of his bedroom.
Was this meant for you? Did he send it to you by accident? Your mind goes blank, stopping your previous train of thought about your stupid ex.
…did he send it to you on purpose? Your core pulses at the thought, causing you to cross your legs defensively.
Right on queue, another text pops up, your phone vibrating in your hands.
[katsuki] fuck, sorry. that was an accident
That was a bold face fucking lie, and you knew it. Bakugo's not that stupid to send the wrong text by mistake, especially a selfie. There's no way in hell he would even take a picture like that for someone unless he wanted it to be seen.
Liquid courage does you a favor when you reply, loosely teasing him about it.
[you] damn, katsuki. who's the lucky girl?
You don't notice Mina approaching you with how intently you're staring at your phone screen, startling you when she taps your shoulder.
"What are ya doing over here?! Come dance with us!" she pleads, pulling on your arm. She notices how you're clutching your phone like a lifeline and the coral tint on your cheeks. She quirks an eyebrow at you. "Who are you texting?"
Oh god, find a lie - fast! She'll see right through your facade if you don't.
"No one, just a spam text."
Mina stares at you - shit, she knows you're lying.
"You're a shit liar, babe. Who is it?"
"I got a random text from Katsuki," you admit, the flush in your cheeks deepening at his name. Are you into him, or is it the alcohol in your system? It's no secret that he's attractive, he's always been effortlessly handsome. You'd be lying if you said you hadn't checked him out a few times, but never acted on it. The two of you were friends and you’d assumed he didn't think much else of you.
Mina grabs the phone from your hands, entering in your passcode (how did she know it?!) and reading the texts. Her eyes blow open, pinching the screen to zoom in on the photo. You scramble to grab the phone back to quit her oogling as she's squealing with glee.
"Holy shit!" she yells. "Accident my ass, Blasty. Damn, that's hot."
"Mina! Keep your voice down," you beg, locking the screen to prevent anyone else from seeing.
"No one is listening over this music," she squawks, punching you lightly in the arm. "Come back to us soon you minx!"
And with that, she leaves you at the bar, returning to the dance circle with the rest of your girlfriends. Your phone vibrates a few more times in your hand and recaptures your attention.
[katsuki] thought you'd like a distraction [katsuki] shit, if this is weird, just tell me and i'll fuck off [katsuki] i should've just asked instead
So it was on purpose. You swallow hard as you shakily type out your reply, trying to keep your cool.
[you] it's not weird, what made you think of me? [katsuki] mina wouldn't shut the fuck up about you earlier. sent me pictures of you in the dress you have on, couldn't get it outta my head
When the fuck did Mina do that?! You had thought she was taking pictures of herself earlier at your apartment. That sneaky bitch!
[you] goddammit mina, i'm sorry about her. why would she send them to you?
You see the typing indicator pop up and disappear a few times before his response arrives.
[katsuki] you know how she is, playing matchmaker and shit with everybody [katsuki] honestly? i'm not mad about it [you] oh? [you] so that's why you sent it to me. hell of a pickup line kats [katsuki] fuck off [katsuki] i can't deny that you're gorgeous [you] yeah? feelings mutual
Your face is burning hot, sitting at the bar in disbelief that Bakugo's flirting with you. And it was all because he was infatuated with what you're wearing? He couldn't get it out of his head?
You're still debating on whether you want to yell at or thank Mina for igniting this fire. [katsuki] where are you right now? [you] sitting at the bar, some club in the city
Another picture is delivered to you on screen and has your jaw dropping to the floor.
The picture is closer to his face this time, cut off at his cheekbones and barely illuminated as Bakugo's fingers are parted over his mouth. His tongue is lazily hanging above his bottom lip with a string of salvia attached to one of his fingers.
Your legs twitch as you bite your lip, imagining his face slotted between your thighs.
[you] holy shit, katsuki...fuck [katsuki] find a bathroom or some dark corner [katsuki] there's more where that came from. just say the word, princess
The pet name is doing things to you that you didn't think was possible. Your overloaded with a sudden rush of arousal, heat twisting in your belly at his promise. Grabbing your bag from the chair, you bolt to the nearest bathroom and lock the door behind you. Luckily, this club's on the nicer side, the bathroom not being as scummy as you thought it would be. You set your things on the counter and grab your phone, turning the camera on and pointing it in the mirror.
If that's how he wanted to play? You could play right back.
[you] that deserves a reward
The photo attached shows your breast pushed closed together, daring to spill out of the top of your dress and wearing the poutiest lip you could muster.
Bakugo’s response is immediate.
[katsuki] goddamn, your tits look amazing in that dress [you] would you believe me if i said they look better out of it?
You turn the camera back on and click the record button, sensually slipping the top of your dress down and letting your breasts loosely lay over the bust. Your nipples are pebbled from the rousing desire flowing through you, making them standing perfectly at attention. You give the camera a wink and squeeze one of your breasts playfully. Once you're happy with the video, you send it with no hesitation and readjust your dress. [katsuki] holy fuck [katsuki] you alone? That's not the response you expected, but you roll with it. [you] yeah, one person bathroom
- Incoming Call: Katsuki Bakugo -
You stare at the contact screen for a few seconds before picking up.
"Hey Kat," you greet, nervousness wracking your body, the thrill of the situation making your heart flutter.
"I wanted 'ta hear your voice instead," Bakugo groans, heavy breaths following his words. "I never thought you'd...want to do this with me."
You can't help but laugh under your breath. "Never thought you wanted to, either."
You're thankful that your not drunk off your ass after all - you want to remember this. You're tipsy, but coherent.
And turned on to high heaven.
Bakugo breaks the silence before you cut him off. "I know you're fresh outta-"
"Katsuki, he's not worth mentioning. I'm focused on you right now."
"Yeah? Tell me more."
"I'd love to see what you're hiding under those sweats, Dynamight. I'm practically a puddle just thinking about it. How do you think my lips would look wrapped around you?"
You can hear Bakugo exhale into the phone and groan. He tries to hide it, but fails miserably.
"Cat got your tongue, huh? Too forward?"
"N-no. It's fuckin' hot. Shit," he whispers with baited breath. "God, what club are you at again?"
"The one near Shibuya station. Crystal Crown, I think. Why?"
There's a pause before you hear various clicks and a beep or two from his side before he answers.
"Changed my mind, this ain't happenin' over the phone the first time. You're 15 minutes from my place, I'm comin' to get ya."
You can feel your panties soak from your excitement, clenching at the thought of him just ravaging you in his car and not being able to make it back to his apartment before touching you like a man starved.
"Coming to sweep me off my feet or to fuck my brains out?" The words spill from your lips before you can stop them, but you don’t regret it when you hear Bakugo moan in response - loudly.
"Fuckin’ - have you been stockpilin’ this shit ‘ta say to me?" He laughs. “You’re gonna kill me before I leave the damn apartment.”
“Didn’t think you’d be so easy to play with,” you joke playfully, twirling a piece of your hair in your fingers. “Better get here before I change my mind, find some other rebound in this stupid club.”
“I’ll be your fuckin’ rebound any day of the week, sweetheart. Ain’t no guy in that building better than me.”
His confidence makes it difficult to bite back the moan in your throat.
“Guess you need to prove it. Get your ass over here, I’ll be out front. You better be wearing those sweats.”
You’re about to hang up when you hear Bakugo say something quietly, too muted for you to make out right away.
“Kats?”
He clears his throat before repeating himself, his voice soft and low. “You sure y’want this? I don’t wanna fuck anythin’ up or whatever.”
“You won’t fuck anything up, nothing wrong with friends fucking with no strings attached. I already flashed my tits at you, no turning back now.”
You subtly hear him let go of the breath he was holding and a hollow chuckle, sounding relieved at your answer.
“Good. See ya soon.”
The line ends with a click, leaving you with your thoughts while staring in the bathroom mirror. You didn’t realize how badly you’ve been shaking until you attempt to walk, unexpectedly stumbling like a baby deer on your heels. Once you gather yourself, you exit the bathroom and hurry over to the dance floor. Mina spots you, rolling her eyes and placing her hands on her hips when you approach the group.
“Where the hell have you been?!” She shouts over the music. “I was starting to think you died in there.”
“I’m heading home,” you say while waving your hand, brushing away her worries.
“Oh…oh my god. Is Bakugo coming to get you?!”
“Mina!”
Jiro and Uraraka turn in your direction, yelling in unison. “Bakugo?!?!”
You palm your face, desperately attempting to hide your flared cheeks as the girls squeal and cheer for you.
“Stop it! We’re still just friends!”
Mina clicks her tongue. “Uh-huh. That’s what I said about Kiri a year ago, and now look at us!”
“You gotta let us know how it goes,” Uraraka winks, elbowing you in the rib. "Rumor has it he lives up to his hero name in bed."
Before the interrogation continues, you back away from the group with a smile and turn for the entrance. You slide through the doors and slip out onto the sidewalk and see Bakugo parked out front, smiling as his eyes spot you on the busy street.
Has he ever smiled at you like that before?
He gets out of the car and walks around to greet you.
“Hey Katsu-”
Before you can process what’s happening, Bakugo’s got one hand on your waist and the other on the back of your neck. He gently leans you against the car as he swoops down to place a featherlight kiss to your lips. You squeak before melting into him, wrapping your arms around his neck. Sparks are flying through your whole body - a sensation you haven’t felt for a long time. When the two of you part, his eyes are half-lidded, cheeks flushed and lips parted with shallow breaths.
“Ready to go?” He asks, removing the hand from your neck and stroking your cheek with his thumb. Your heart is in your throat, strangling any words you try to say, so instead, you just nod ‘yes.’ Bakugo walks you to the passenger side and opens the door for you, just like any other time you’ve hung out. When he shuts the door and goes to walk to the drivers side, you finally notice he’s wearing the damn grey sweatpants.
The entire drive back to his place, Bakugo’s hand doesn’t leave your thigh. His fingers danced over your skin, playing with the hem of your dress and gingerly squeezing the plush surface every so often. You return the favor, walking your fingers up the inside of his thigh a few times, stopping short of the growing tent in his sweats. Pulling up to his apartment complex seems to take the breath out of both of you. He turns the car off and you sit idly in silence, it's only a minute or two, but feels like a lifetime.
Bakugo gets out first, jogging over to your side to open your door. He takes your hand as you stand, closing the door behind you and swiftly sweeping you off your feet into his arms, bridal style.
"Wow, do all the girls you bring home get this treatment?" you tease, planting a kiss on his warm cheek.
"Never had the pleasure of bringin' a princess home, so no."
That shuts you up and makes you quiver in his hold.
"I'm honored, sir Dynamight. Take me to your castle!" You swoon, dramatically leaning back with a hand over your head.
Bakugo shakes his head and grins, starting to jog through the parking lot and up the stairs with you. You hold onto his shoulders while giggling uncontrollably, ecstatic to see where the night takes you.
One things for certain - you haven't thought about your ex once. And you look forward to keeping it that way.
tags; @slayfics @maddietries
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jellybuttons · 4 months
Text
Crowley's "oh" moment wasn't him realizing that he's in love
Okay so we've all talked about the scene where Nina asks Crowley if Aziraphale is his "bit on the side" or whatever and Crowley has that visable fanfiction "oh" moment on his face afterwards. And I know a lot of people think it must have been Crowley realizing that he was in love with Aziraphale, but that's never sat right with me. Crowley is emotionally repressed and oblivious, sure, but he's been down bad for that angel since the beginning. I just can't believe he didn't know it the whole time. That can't have been what he was reacting to. Hell, just the nervous swallow he does at the beginning of that conversation implies that he knows exactly what Nina is about to ask him, meaning he at least already has that idea in his head.
I think what he was reacting to was Nina's last comment, "other people's love lives always seem so much more straightforward than our own" (I'm quoting from memory but I got the gist of it).
Crowley has been in love for a long time by this point. He's also, for that entire time, understood that nothing can be done about it. Up until Armageddon failed, there was no universe where Crowley and Aziraphale could safely be together, and Crowley cares too much about Aziraphale to truly risk his safety (although he does have his selfish moments--that need to know that Aziraphale cares for him too, that he's not completely alone in this partnership). Nothing could change, so there was no point in doing anything about it.
In the few years post Armageddon, though, it seems like QUITE a bit has changed for the two of them. Remember, these are two immortal beings...a few years is milliseconds to them. But in those milliseconds, it seems like Crowley has become a regular establishment in the bookshop, glasses off and all. Aziraphale felt comfortable enough with him to ask to borrow the Bentley, Crowley's prized possession and his literal home. They've gotten COMFY in a very short amount of time, objectively, and I'm sure it felt like big change to Crowley, who knows better than to ask for things he doesn't think he can have.
But Nina's comment. "Other people's love lives always seem so much more straightforward than our own". A direct parallel to exactly how Crowley has been thinking about her and Maggie this whole time--two people who just need a push (romantic awning, anyone?) and everything else would fall into place. Easy. Uncomplicated.
Crowley's "oh" moment isn't that he's in love with Aziraphale. It's that maybe being in love with Aziraphale doesn't have to be complicated.
Other people's love lives DO seem more straightforward than Crowley's own. But if Nina feels that way about him, as sure as he is about her and Maggie...could it be that easy? Could he have that with his angel? I don't think at this point that Crowley has any doubt about whether or not Aziraphale feels something for him (whatever that something may be in Crowley's mind), but after all...Aziraphale asked him to slow down. So he's been taking it slow. Hanging around more. Leaning into his space. Soaking up every second of Az's smiles like a dying man, content with whatever he's given.
But Nina. She thinks they're together already. No doubt in her mind. She thinks it's so straightforward, that of COURSE they're together, two people who look at each other with that much love in their eyes must be, right? And I think that "oh" is Crowley's realization that maybe it IS straightforward. After all, they're them, right? No more Heaven, no more Hell, no actual reason they couldn't just...be together. In that moment, Crowley isn't realizing that he's in love with Aziraphale. He's known he's in love for a very long time. No, that moment was him realizing that, maybe, he can stop pretending not to be, that maybe all they have to do is stop pretending they aren't everything to each other. Does he need to slow down if there's no danger to avoid?
When Nina and Maggie confront him at the end, encourage him to confess...objectively, I don't think Crowley as a character would agree to anything nearly that vulnerable without a LOT more convincing. But he does agree. And you could argue that it's because of Gabe and Beez, sure, but when has Crowley ever used other angels and demons as reasoning behind his choices? No, consistently, Crowley has followed humans every time. Gabe and Beez are nothing but conveniently timed examples. I think that even without G and B running off together, Nina and Maggie could've convinced him after nothing but this "oh" conversation with Nina.
When Crowley is choking out his confession in the final 15 of episode 6, so desperate to make Aziraphale understand...he says "we're a pair, a group, a group of the two of us, and we've spent our existence pretending that we aren't". That's the point he's trying to get across. They can stop pretending, they can stop pretending, please, god, stay here Aziraphale and don't make him keep pretending.
Please, Aziraphale, he's saying. Don't go back. I only just realized that it doesn't have to be complicated. He realized that, maybe, finally, he was allowed.
Oh, he thought, out there on the sidewalk with Nina, there's nothing left but me stopping me from being happy.
Oh, he thought, while Nina and Maggie urged him to communicate, the couple that so perfectly mirrored his own wants, I could tell him how I feel.
Oh, he thought, as Aziraphale looked at him with excited eyes and explained that he wanted them both to go back to Heaven, that Crowley could become an angel again, that they could go right back to working for the very thing that had been keeping them apart for thousands of years. Oh, oh god. I thought it was over. I thought we were free. I thought that, finally, maybe, it could be easy. Maybe we can stop pretending.
And he kissed him. Because fuck, just like with Nina and Maggie, he thought it could finally be easy, but then communicating didn't work and nothing was easy and all he had left was one fabulous kiss and vavoom and he was desperate and off script and so, so scared and then he was alone in the Bentley, driving away from the bookshop, completely alone.
Maybe Crowley should've kept pretending. It would've hurt less.
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bouncybongfairy · 2 months
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Could you do a live action Zuko x reader, they were betrothed to eachother before his banishment. They frequently had visits and got along really well. First time they met he saw her creating a blue butterfly from her fire bending. The reader can produce blue flames but is a gentle, kind person. Zuko is reading the latest letter she has sent him, praying for his safety and health. How does he feel about them after all this time? Maybe this fuel his fire to complete his quest and get home.
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See You Soon
Prince Zuko x Fem Reader
Summary: Both Zuko and can't stop thinking about each other, after reading the most recent letters you sent to each other.
Word Count: 2.0k
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
It’s been some time since the last time you’d seen Zuko face to face. Ever since his banishment, so about three years. You’d think those wounds would have healed, a betrothal that was nothing more than a concept faded in time. Anyone who’d know you would say you were well past it, those people obviously weren’t paying close enough attention. Sending each other letters, drawings and pressed flowers. Detailing everything unfolding in his quest to find the Avatar. Her day to day life with school and helping your mom with all the tailoring for the Fire Lord’s family. A very important part in your life considering your family had been tailoring in the palace for generations. Every once in a while you’d send him an embroidered Lion to represent power and leadership, hiding his name tiny within the mane. Although you found comfort in the words of reassurance he gave through ink and paper, it only made you long for something more. Reminiscing on all the precious memories that now feel like they were taken for granted.  
The two of you met by chance, your mother worked in the palace. She made all the clothes for the royal family. Often having you assist, holding her pin cushion or any other request she may have. At first not paying each other much attention, one day Azula came in, berating both your mother and self like she did to all other staff. Hearing horror stories from others in the palace made you terrified of her. The last thing you wanted was to get your family banished for looking at her wrong. Zuko noticed this, and nudged your arm; looking over at her and then rolling his eyes. Giving you a reassuring smile, Azula then nudged your shoulder with hers as she walked out. 
“That girl may be a princess by blood line but not respect from her people. She rules with fear when it should be grace,” you mother grumbled as you walked into the house. 
“That may be true but it must be hard, growing up competing for the throne. Having your entire life mapped out for you even before you’re born. That must be so hard on someone so young, I think I'd break,” pulling your hair out of the tight bun. Your mother smiled, setting the bags on the table. Cupping your face in her hands,
“I love that in a nation so pitiless and jaded that you have kept your soft spirit. You know that, but that girl spoiled down to the soul,” your mother laughs before turning back to her bags.
You laugh and walk into your bedroom to change before heading back outside. The weather was perfect to practice your fire bending. One of the perks of having a mother who worked in the palace was better education for you. Now that you had been learning to bend from a master, you were able to do more than you could ever imagine. At school all you learned was combat or defensive bending. At home, you liked practicing making different shapes. At the beginning it was simple stuff like circles or hearts, with time they were getting more intricate. Being able to make things like flowers, birds and even butterflies. You were in the empty field behind your family's home, working on your bending. You’d finally learned to make the butterfly flap its wings and fly around for a couple moments at a time before dissipating. Taking a deep breath and creating the flames, putting all your focus into manipulating its form. Holding your breath nervously as you watch it fly around you. The blue light glowing off the flame lit Zuko's face up, where he was watching from a couple feet away. You gasped out of surprise and backed away. 
“Sorry I didn’t mean to- when Azula nudged you, this fell off your top. I just wanted to return it,” he said, holding out the embroidered patch of a crabapple tree that was pinned to your top. 
“Oh, thank you. Wow I'm really surprised you took the time to return it, as someone with so much responsibility; it’s an honor,” you say, giving him a quick bow out of respect. 
“I’ve only seen masters create such detailed shapes with blue flame, can I help?” he asks, you nod in agreement as he comes closer. He stands behind you, pressing his chest against your back. Nudging your arms up with his hands telling you to create the flame before continuing, 
“Holding your breath limits the amount of time your fire can stay in the air. Like suffocating a candle with its lid. Fire can’t be without oxygen, can you feel my breathing against your back? Match it to yours then try to make the butterfly,” he said. 
You were so nervous but took a deep breath in before matching the rise and fall of his chest. Immediately you could feel the difference, like you had more control over the flames. Being able to make the wing movements sharp and clean. Making the flame circle around the two of you, forcing your bodies closer together. 
“See, isn't that so much better?” he asked. 
“Yeah, I never thought I could have so much control over my bending,” you said, moving to face him. 
“I have to get back but i’ll see you around?” he asked, as he took off in a rush which made you chuckle. 
After that night, it was like fate just couldn’t keep the two of you apart. He was getting fitted more often for leather armor and things like that. Noticing each other in lessons and sneaking glances. This progressed until eventually Zuko became unbothered with who saw the two of you interacting. One day he slipped a note into your bag, wanting to meet later that night. Your heart skipped a beat of course, and for the rest of the day it was all you could think about. The day seemed so much longer now that you had something to look forward to. Practically skipping home from lessons, even though you still had a couple hours before dark. You were happy to be home daydreaming. Your mom was home, cooking komodo chicken. Giving her a kiss on the cheek before heading off to your bedroom. Originally you were going to wear what you always did but part of you felt like the night was too special for your everyday attire. Normally keeping your hair up in a tight bun, you decide to let it down. It took you a while to convince yourself to leave it down but eventually you did.
Everyone was finally asleep, the house dark and quiet. You sneak out the window of your bedroom. Zuko was waiting for you right outside which made you gasp, not seeing it was him at first. He had a big smile on his face, which was refreshing considering he’s been going through alot lately. On a night with such amazing weather, the main city and markets were busy with life. Zuko and you however prefer the peacefulness of looking over the city from the peak of a hill not too far. Zuko was pointing out different constellations in the sky to you. Or showing him new little tricks you were learning with your bending. He always acted really impressed but you knew he was doing it for your benefit. You loved that about him, that he cared so much about your confidence. 
“You know, my father says it’s time to start looking for a girl to betroth,” he says. 
“Oh? Any girls you had in mind?” you ask playfully. 
“No,” he says back in the same playful tone, which makes you elbow him in his ribs. 
“In all seriousness though, how do you feel about that?” he asks, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his side.
“I think I'm waiting for you to ask me properly,” you said chuckling. 
Zuko also felt like he took all these moments for granted. He was currently in his room on the ship. Looking around at all the notes and drawings he’d pinned to the walls. They’d just left where he and his crew were docked, following a lead on the Avatar. Reading the most recent letter you’d sent him, it pained him to know you were feeling the same grief he was about feeling apart. He never really talked about it to his uncle or anyone but it was one of the main reasons he was so motivated to complete his quest. He felt like he was missing out on the most important years of his life. Uncle Iroh always talks about how memorable his late youth was, before he had real responsibilities as general. He missed everything about you. Especially how sweet you were, always finding the good in people. Even finding beauty and grace in Azula; his own mother couldn’t find that in her. 
Often when Zuko was anxious he would think about you comforting him. He knew he could be hot headed both emotionally and physically. This never phased you, even when he was in full blown flames. Always finding a way to calm you down. Somehow reassuring him without making him feel small or stupid. You always used to tell him that anger is a form of passion. That you loved the passion and resilience he had, and that one day he’d be able to channel it without anger. He found so much comfort in you so being ripped away was hard but reading your letters helped. Made him feel like everything wasn’t as impossible as it may seem. Like once he returns home he’ll know you’ll be there to support him. 
He laid back on his bed, your letter on his chest. Worried that you’d grow tired feeling his love through paper and ink. That you’d yearn for love that’s more present in your everyday life. This fear was doubled by the fact that he assumed telling you about this fear would make him come across as insecure. Maybe he was but he didn’t want you to know that. He hated being seen as weak, you were too kind to admit but he knows that exactly what you’d think. Currently thinking about one of the last nights you had together. In Zuko’s old room, laying on the bed together. You were playing with his hair and he had his arms wrapped around your waist. Both of you were pretty tired from training and school. Just melting into each other, enjoying the comfort you gave him. There wasn’t any talking but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. You’d kiss him on his forehead every once in a while, finger combing his hair. Taking in your smell and leaning into your touch. He never felt so vulnerable in a comforting way with someone. 
Iroh came into the room, making Zuko jump up. Clutching onto his letter, immediately his uncle sensed something was off. His eyes were dark and puffy, not to mention quite red. The bruise on his face appeared to be swelling and it was obvious that he was beyond his limit. Iroh set down the wooden tray he carried in, handing him a cup. 
“I know you don’t want to hear this but mentally you are being strained. Bending and combat is easy for you because you’ve done it your whole life. Emotionally, some of your muscles are weak but I can see your slowly strengthening them. It’s important that you get lots of rest while you-” he went to look over at Zuko and stopped talking once he realized the boy was asleep. Iroh held back a laugh before taking the cup and letter out of his hands. Zuko gripped the paper and woke up but settled down once he realized it was him. 
“Rest now, and please truly let yourself rest,” he said, pulling the blanket over him and he laid down. Folding the letter gently and leaving it on the nightstand.
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ghouljams · 7 months
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I finished the medieval Ghost drawing and I drew what I imagined the Royal Crest to look like. The chainmail wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Fun to draw 10/10 would recommend.
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Let's fucking goooo, that's my MAN!!! I could stare at this for fucking hours, I'm going to stare at it for hours, thank you. Also the crest?? The Crest???? So good.
God!!! The hand on the leg(too far up to be proper I see u Ghost) and the way he's sort of bowing to her like I can feel the emotion in my teeth I want to eat this. Have some fic.
"You're wearing your helm," you keep your voice low, hardly moving your head to speak to the knight behind you. This is one of those tedious things you have to do sometimes. You stand with your seated parents as they hear the people's complaints, and try not to think about how you would handle things. You're supposed to be pretty, not smart. Although you are smart, and you do have ideas, you're expected to keep them to yourself.
"Didn't want to show you up," Ghost jokes, voice as monotone as ever. You smile a little to yourself.
"If you're so much prettier than me, you can take over being the show pony," you joke back.
"And rob the kingdom of seeing you all dressed up? Wouldn't dream of it," you can hear the slight chuckle in his voice, it's a comfort. Having Ghost nearby is always a comfort. He has such a way of calming you, keeping you from pulling to far into yourself. He treats you like a person, not a princess, when you need him to.
"I'd quite enjoy seeing you in a dress, something to emphasize your waist maybe?" Although finding something to fit his broad shoulders might be a bit more tricky. All that swinging a sword around has certainly built him a nice physique. It's silly, but the thought makes your placid princess smile a little more genuine.
"What do you know about my waist?" He asks, you can still hear his amusement in his tone. That's good, you'd hate to offend him.
"Only what I've seen of it," you hum.
"Sneaking peaks are we?" He clicks his tongue and the sound reverberates through your bones, you feel it like he's physically touched you the way it slides down your spine, "Naughty girl."
You tell yourself he's only joking, but that doesn't dull your reaction. Heat blooms over your cheeks, you swallow the feeling that wells in your chest, and wet your lips. Does he know he can take you apart with just those two words? That the depth in his tone, the growl in his voice, makes you want to melt where you stand?
You turn to tell him you absolutely were not sneaking peaks, and that even if you did happen to it would only have been while you were on the road together. Which you hardly think counts considering there's hardly any privacy when camping anyway. You catch your mother's glare at the first twitch from you. You keep your eyes forward and do your best not to pout.
"If you stand there nice and pretty like a good girl I'll tell you why I'm wearing my helm," Ghost never whispers, but he speaks so that his voice doesn't carry. You watch your mother for any sign that she's listening, and she hardly bats an eye. You suppose you're both far enough back, and her attention is far enough forward, to grant you some level of privacy. You give the barest hint of a nod for your knight, and he lets out a breath.
"Good," Maybe one word is all he needs, you like the way he says it, the way it brushes over your skin. He's quiet for a long while. Two people get up to air their grievances before he speaks again. It's long enough that you almost want to ask, to jog his memory. If you didn't know better you might squirm.
"Wanted to make sure I wasn't caught staring," He tells you finally.
"What are you looking at?" You smile to hide the quick twitch in your brows. It's not like Ghost to be distracted doing his duties, you wonder what-
"You're clever, what do you think I'm looking at?" His voice is so thick you wonder how he was able to speak at all. You take stock of the room, the throng of people and servants. His eyes should be everywhere, there's only one place they truly shouldn't be. On you.
You can feel them, the weight of his gaze as it travels over you. You can feel where it settles: your waist, your hips, your chest, your neck, your lips. You let out a breath and know his eyes have settled on the movement of it. How are you supposed to survive the rest of this interminable function with his eyes on you like this?
"I am clever aren't I," You tell him, knowing the way he hums in assent will do nothing to stop the heat that follows his gaze.
"You are."
It's strange how you can have so many eyes on you and never feel their pressure, but knowing your knight is watching makes you almost self conscious. You can feel every brush of your skirt, every shift in your posture that your breath brings, every little twitch in your body magnified under Ghost's watchful eye. You haven't wanted to fidget since you were a child, and yet here you are. Your skin crawling, your bones begging to move, if for no other reason than to give Ghost something to look at, some reason to watch you.
Suddenly you're not standing for your parents, or out of duty to your position, you're standing for him. And that's so much different isn't it? You can't move, can't directly speak to Ghost, and though your fingers ache to touch him neither of you would dare. What pleasure does he get from this?
More so, how is it so pleasant for you?
You wonder if he looks at you often, if he likes what he sees. You wonder if he has favorite dresses, favorite jewelry, if he ever hopes you'll wear something again. You wonder if he has favorite parts of you, if he likes your eyes as much as you like his, if he thinks about your hands as often as you do his. You hope he does. You hope he looks at you and thinks of you sweetly.
It's all either of you gets.
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thatfreshi · 7 months
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Possible request, one evening Astarion and Tav are cuddling, Astarion laying his head on their chest as Tav gently combs their fingers through his hair when they start softly singing an old elvish lullaby. Causing old and once thought dead memories to slowly come back to Astarion as he snuggles closer to them as he reminisces his past even shedding a few tears for the life he should of had and Tav is there to hold him and comfort him through it all
Recommended Song: Come Out and Play - Billie Eilish
It's well known between you and Astarion that he does not dwell on the past. After all, what's the point in grasping at something you can barely remember? Sure, he has glimpses of people, places, things, but they don't mean anything. If he tries hard enough, there are almost words to go along with the blurry faces, but nothing worth his while. You don't ask him much about those fuzzy thoughts, only when you're really truly curious.
One night, you're lying in bed after a 'family dinner' with your old companions, a little event you liked to put together every now and then. Astarion loves the attention, but it is in fact a little draining hosting your house, especially to your friends. The two of you are exhausted, and your sweet vampire nuzzles into your chest.
"I love them, but gods are they rowdy."
The two of you chuckle lightly.
"You know, I remember I said I thought domestic life would be boring, but perhaps I was wrong. Seems much better in our little world. Much calmer."
"I'm surprised you haven't gotten us into any more trouble yet. No stray crimes I'm unaware of?"
He doesn't answer for a moment.
"No... except for that necklace I got you the other day."
You feel the muscles in his face move, assuming he has some mischievous smirk across his lips.
"Oh Aster, whatever will I do with you?"
Your hand makes its way into his hair, slowly moving through delicate curls.
"Love me for who I am and never ask me to change, ever?"
You sigh.
"I suppose."
Sugar-coated words, soft hands, empty minds. Your mind wanders, the tired feeling merciless. The cozy, exhausted feeling reminds you of a song, and you begin to sing softly. At first, it's nothing but melodic little words, until you get a little further in. Something clicks in Astarion's head, something strange.
It's sunny, he's out on the docks, sitting next to an older woman. She's humming the song, and the two of them are just staring out at the water. He's fidgeting with something in his hands, some kind of charm. The sun is beating down on the two of them, but neither seems to mind. The melody fades out, and the woman puts a hand on his shoulder.
"Come, time to go home darling."
As fast as it came, the memory is gone, and he sheds a couple silent tears. You realize his breathing has quickened.
"You alright my love?"
"What... what's that song?"
You have to think on his question, unsure really where you'd first heard it.
"I don't know. My parents knew it, and I guess I just picked it up. They'd sing it during peaceful moments. I guess I do too. Why?"
"It brought back something. I think- I think I saw my mother."
Even uttering the words makes the tears fall faster. He's never had a vision of the past like that, nothing so substantial.
"Was it nice?"
He tries to catch his breath.
"Yes. It was."
"You want to talk about it?"
The emotions are confusing. Astarion can't figure out if he's happy, sad, or just shocked.
"We were just watching the water, and then she told me it was time to go. She called me darling..."
He continues to cry into your chest, and you just hold him.
"I guess you know where you get it from now."
A small smile takes over his lips.
"You're right. I guess I do."
That smile is quickly erased by guilt.
"Do- do you think she's still out there? Wondering what happened to her son?"
You frown, knowing he wants to hear the truth, but knowing it might hurt.
"I think any good mother would still wonder. Especially with a son like you."
His grip in your side tightens, as if he's afraid of something.
"Is it bad to say it's easier to think she's already dead? That she doesn't have to wonder anymore?"
"No, not at all. You can feel however you need to about it my love. I imagine with how long elves live, it would be a long time wondering."
He lightly laughs.
"It is worse to say I think I'd be too scared to look for her?"
"No. But why would you be scared?"
"Because I wouldn't be her son anymore, not the one she knew. Just some vampiric freak."
You trail your hand softly across his back.
"You're not a freak Astarion."
"You're probably one of the only ones who'd say that my sweet."
The two of you are too exhausted at this point to have a full conversation, just sentences traded back and forth, words you don't fully remember. But you do know he thanked you the next morning, for bringing back such a pleasant memory.
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luvvyouforever · 3 months
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headcanons: marriage and domesticity with acotar characters ♡
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↳ includes rhysand, feyre, azriel, cassian, morrigan, lucien, tamlin, and amren. unfortunately, those are the only characters i know well enough to write for but more will come in the future!
↳ fluff to the max and then more fluff. children, pregnancy, marriage, family, home dynamics.
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rhysand:
-strives to have a very welcoming, comforting home. buys luxurious throw pillows from stories in velaris even though you scold him for each one he adds to his already huge collection. he just wants every surface to feel comfortable so he also buys the best mattresses and couches and will spend hours in a store picking them.
-loves to have an occasional meal cooked entirely by your family. he puts on a silly apron and dances around the kitchen, sprinkling spices willy-nilly. "accidentally" gets food on your cheek which he will happily kiss away.
-feels so proud to have his own family that loves each other unconditionally and would do anything to protect that. you and your kids are the most important thing to him and he could be a very scary person if he ever feels that you're being threatened. is much more careful in his day-to-day life because he knows that there are people who wait on him to come home.
feyre:
-if you were pregnant, feyre would be as caring as she could be. she'd wait on you hand and foot and massage anything that hurt. she'd find you the best calming and soothing lotions for your tummy. every so often, she'd lay on your tummy and tell your kid all the the great things they'll be born into.
-feyre's paintings all over the house :(( she has a little art studio which is constantly messy but you proudly hang everything she does in special little spots everywhere. she loooooves doing portraits of you and the two of you together.
-her life is already very grand so she loves nothing more than having a peaceful night indoors with you. she holds out for the weekends when you can sleep in, cuddle all day, and read together. she makes the best teas and surprises you with them on cozy sunday mornings!
azriel:
-his home is immaculate, cleaned spotless, and a little minimalist. if this isn't your style, he will gladly give you the ability to decorate the space as long as it's clean. azriel scrubbing the kitchen in bright latex gloves is not a rare sight. he just likes the comfort it brings him after the gory things he does for his job.
-he gets you the prettiest, most personalized engagement ring ever. he listens to you so closely and is so attentive that he knew exactly what you would like. he had it designed by a jeweler in velaris and it's probably engraved with something incredibly sentimental.
-he loves matching clothes in the privacy of his home! like matching silk pajama sets? yes please! listen, i've said it before and i'll say it again, azriel lives for the fancier things in life and he just wants to share that with you! he encourages you to wear the same soft and comfortable pajama pants that he is.
cassian:
-destroys the house with his kids! makes a big mess while playing with them. like pillow fights and paints and water and intense acting with toys. you continuously scold him for it and he always cleans up all nice but he can't help it! he just wants to give his kids the most fun childhood ever.
-would lose his SHIT if his kids had wings oh my god. wants to show them how to fly and take them on flights above beautiful landscapes. is probably the dad to push the kid into the water to get them used to it and this applies to flying. "it's just how illyrians learn, baby!" "he's not even a full illyrian!"
-his house is colorful and full of memories everywhere. pictures of the inner circle, of you, of the kids, anyone. keeps anything his kids make him. keeps any gift you give him. tapes notes and invitations to the fridge. he's just so sentimental like that!
morrigan:
-cried like a baby at your wedding. no matter if you walked down the aisle or if she did, she was crying instantly. rhys nudged her shoulder and cassian and azriel laughed at her afterward but you only smiled at her and helped her touch up her makeup!
-is a little hesitant to begin a family. it's more to do with her past and her family than anything else. she doesn't want to give anyone that power over her. if you are really excited about starting a family, she would certainly hear you out and if it did happen, she'd be the best mother ever.
-comes home to you with gifts every day. you keep telling her you don't need them but you gotta let her spoil you! one day it is a new ring that perfectly matches the stone in your engagement ring and that you should totally put on your right hand pointer finger because it would look best!
lucien:
-would totally thrive with a big family. like he would know everyone's interests, what they're up to, their friends, their food preferences, everything. gives them all equal attention and can wrangle them all together with expertise.
-i feel like he really loves showers and baths with you. like unless he was super stinky or unless you were gone, he would just not shower unless it was with you. he loves the intimacy and the closeness it brings!! and he loves washing your hair for you or brushing it or braiding it for you!
-one of his hobbies is mixology! i can't explain it but just imagine lucien having this home bar cart with all kinds of syrups and fancy alcohols and he cares about the dates on them and pairs the perfect wine with his meals! you can give him any three words that'll describe the drink you want and he'll mix it all up and it will taste amazing!
tamlin:
-GIRL DAD! imagine him taking her out to buy dresses for anything she needs, putting little flowers in her ear when they go on walks together, doing tea parties with her. tell me you don't see this. i dare you.
-usually gets up pretty early to go and do his high lord duties but he will come and check on you throughout the day, giving you kisses and treats and notes! he always wants to spend meals with you and will stop anything he's doing if alis tells him that you're ready to eat lunch! you've never seen a man set the table faster and pat the seat next to him.
-any room in the house that you want will be yours! if you want one of the guest bedrooms to be turned into a craft studio, done. if you want a section of the library dedicated to romance books, done! i'm serious when i say he'd give you anything you want to make sure his home is just as comfy for you as it is for him.
amren:
-values alone time just as much as she values time with you. she likes when the two of you can spend time inside doing your own thing but then can come back together at night and talk about your days! she's not ashamed to ask if she can spend the night in her bed because she's had a long day! but she's always reassuring you that it has nothing to do with you so you don't worry!
-probably isn't a very big kid enjoyer but wouldn't mind adopting someone older! or, even better, a cat! amren would spoil the hell out of a cat that you raise together. "am, i don't think she needs another sweater. she doesn't like wearing them anyway." "but this one says be paw-sitive!"
-people don't believe you when you talk about how soft and sweet amren is when you're at home! they don't think that she's capable of hugging you tight and covering you in kisses but she is! she's a private gal and you respect that entirely! but you also can't help telling mor about all of the sweet things she whispers to you as you're falling asleep.
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yourelliewillms · 2 months
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i miss you on a train
ellie williams x reader
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angst !! also fluff but mainly angst. liiittle mention of smut.
summary: it's been a year since ellie and you broke up, you haven't spoken since then and she probably thinks you've forgotten about her. what she doesn't know is that you're thinking about her all the time.
the first months were the worst. every night you had a dream about her, the picture of her in your mind would be enough to wake you up in the middle of the night with tears in your eyes or, sometimes, with a smile on your face. but that was the one you hated the most because your dreams usually felt so real, you felt her near you but when you realized it had been just a dream, your day would be completely ruined. you couldn't stop thinking about her. even if you tried, your mind would randomly bring memories that would only break your heart into pieces again and again.
after a year, you can say you're over her or at least that's what you like to think. you really want to move on and maybe start seeing other people to try to take her out of your heart. but everytime you take the train and raindrops fall from the sky to your window like one of those dramatic music videos, the first thing your brain does is bring her back. those green eyes that once looked at you with sparkles in them, strings of her auburn hair falling from her characteristic bun and the heat of her body that used to warm you up during the winter. you can't help thinking about every single detail of her, even if you try to put on your headphones and look out the window to stop those unwanted thoughts, the sound of her laugh in your mind would be louder than the song playing on your phone.
the rain just made things worse, it reminded you of that time ellie and you were on one of your first dates. it was raining, you were soaked but you didn't care at all because you just wanted to be with her all the time. you were walking under the rain, holding ellie's wet hand, was it wet because of the raindrops falling on her arm or because she was so nervous that her hand would sweat all the time your hair was already wet and there were raindrops on your cheeks yet ellie was looking at you with so much love, you could swear there were hearts in her eyes before she gave you that kiss in the pouring rain. you felt your heart fluttering when her shaky hands brushed against your face while she took you closer to her letting your cold nose touch hers, it was only you and her in the world. you remember how soft and hot her lips were that time. you remember the way your hair was sticking to your face and how ellie would stop kissing you for a second to take out the strings of hair that would get on the way of your kiss and then her lips would desperately look for yours again.
you haven't forgotten about those nights when she would show up at your window at 3 am just to show you the pages of that private sketchbook of hers with new drawings that only you were able to see, or some new song she'd learned in her guitar, or just because she missed you. you had to shush her because of how loud she was, always laughing at her own dad jokes and screaming but never failing at putting a smile on your face.
or that first night you spent together. you remember how gentle her touch felt when your naked bodies met each other for the first time. kind and slow the whole night, ellie making sure you were comfortable. her skin burned against yours and you could tell she was nervous just by the way her voice was shaking and her heavy breathing. "just tell me what makes you feel good" you whispered on her ear and she let go a sigh of relief as she nodded. you stood awake all that night because after you touched and kissed every single part of your bodies, you felt the strongest connection you'd ever felt with someone in your life.
the freezing weather brought to your mind those cold nights when you wouldn't talk to each other because some stupid argument in which her words felt like knives piercing in your heart while you told her all her faults. long nights when you'd fall asleep with tears in your eyes and the next morning wake up with migraine, sick to your stomach and your eyes swollen. however, your mood would be completely changed by just one text of hers "good morning, babe" pretending nothing had happened. not a single 'sorry' from either you or her because that was they way your relationship "worked" (it did not).
when you come back to the real world and get out of the bus, you'd look around trying to find her but she's not there. the bus stop is empty and she's not with you there, she's not waiting for you like she used to. the weather is cold and she's not there to give you her jacket, the rain is falling but she's not there to kiss you.
meeting ellie was one of the best yet worst experiences of your life because even if you tried, you can't forget the freckles on her face and the smell of her natural body scent. you hate the fact that you'll never be able forget her.
thank you for reading <3 pleaseee tell me if you find mistakes or if you have any constructive feedback !!
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sebastianswallows · 1 year
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It's not like any other love | S.S. | Part 1
— PAIRING: dark!Sebastian Sallow x F!MC
— SYNOPSIS: In order to cast an unforgivable curse, you have to mean it. So how does Sebastian make himself want to hurt the girl he’s been harbouring a huge crush on?
— WARNINGS: angst, jealousy, unrequited love (or is it?), hurt/comfort, abstractly violent imagery, suggestive wand-work, and just an unfun time in the catacombs with Sebby and Omi and the MC that’s caught between them.
— WORDCOUNT: 1.3k
— A/N: Not beta read (except by remus-levioso 🙏 tysm) or existing with any sense or purpose. I just wanted to write something for this little troublemaker and I couldn’t stop thinking about how Sebby could hurt MC when he only seems to have positive feelings about her. I started to think about how he could hype himself up to wanting to hurt her, and just went down a rabbit hole of angst. Spoilers for the game, obvi. I hope you enjoy this, my lovelies 💞
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“It won’t work unless you really mean it,” said Ominis, or something along those lines… Sebastian was already a wreck of fidgeting and frets as he stood in front of that door of marbled horror, watching from the corner of his eye while his new friend tried to get Ominis to cast the unforgivable. He didn’t want to think that they were doomed to die here, even with Noctua Gaunt’s skeleton beside him — he couldn’t accept it. Sebastian would batter his head against this problem, like he had done with every other one before it, and prevail.
He tapped his foot on the floor and slid a glance to Ominis again. As expected, he was shaking his head “no” and physically distancing himself from the new fifth year. Coward, Sebastian thought before he could stop himself — because it wasn’t fair, he reasoned, to hold it against Ominis after what he’d been through with his family. He promised himself he’d understand his friend, would sympathise, would listen… But what a coward.
“Ominis won’t cast it,” said the girl once she was by his side again. “What do we do now?”
And that’s how it started.
Sebastian was soon placed in the uncomfortable position of having to give free rein to those parts of himself he had, especially as of late, try to restrain. He was striving to be softer, gentler, more understanding — for Anne’s sake if not his own, and Ominis seemed to appreciate it too, and it wouldn’t do to scare off their new friend either. How sad, then, that casting the curse meant that Sebastian had to dig up all those freshly buried feelings that caused him so much regret — and all of them about the girl before him.
He prepared to cast the curse. In his mind, with one quick force of will, memories of recent days were summoned to the surface.
First, he brought up that spark of envy from when she first defeated him, at the duel in Professor Hecat’s class — the twinge of shame as well, because he liked it, because he wasn’t even mad that she had bested him, because she was genuinely better. Better than him? Hatred, jealousy, resentment.
Second, their meeting in the Charms class — which didn’t happen because she sat next to a Gryffindor and why? Why? Did she think him not good enough to sit with?! He’d joked to Ominis about casting Accio on people, certain that his blind friend wouldn’t know who he was looking at, but from Ominis’ suggestive retort — “Well, you’d be using it on clothing to be precise, Sebastian.” — he couldn’t be too sure of that. And how cruel of Ominis, if he said it on purpose, to make him think of summoning the clothes off her, pulling her toward him, landing her naked and helpless, in his arms… Resentment, longing, complete and utter despair.
Third, the Library. After he offered to show her the forbidden section, after he waited for her by the stairs for hours like a lovestruck puppy, after he protected her and took detention for her… all she had to say was “thanks”? He’d never felt so stupid as when he realised he expected far too much for far too little — because the only thing he really had to offer to her was himself, his knowledge, his skills, his sacrifice. Was he just not chivalrous enough? Was he not impressive enough? Was he just not… enough, at all? Despair, shame, crippling self-pity.
But she was enough for him — or so it seemed to his stupid smitten head, his roiling heart, his swirling dreams at night like so many teasing mermaids tucked behind their algae in the lake, like her in her forbidden bedroom up the stairs that slid beneath his feet — after just a couple of duels and a nighttime escapade among his favourite books and a trip to Hogsmeade to the flutter of lacewing flies (and the thumping of trolls). Sebastian couldn’t remember the last time he was so smitten so quickly and he wasn’t even sorry, he gladly shared every secret with her one by one just to see the sparkle in her eyes and would go into the deepest dungeon with her just to show off and he caught himself saying the stupidest most barefaced lies just to see her smile.
But no, she was impressed with Ominis, and his ability to talk to snakes, his sad past, his Undercrof… What a fool. Ominis wouldn’t be the least bit interested, he was too caught up in himself, too distant, too troubled — and in his more humane moments, Sebastian felt sorry for him, which perfectly counterbalanced the moments when he wished he’d been born in Ominis’ stead and had parents that taught him forbidden spells and told him all the time about his great lineage descending straight from Salazar himself. Oh. Of course she’d like Ominis better. Ominis, tragic and handsome and kind, who knew all the darkest curses and a catalogue of hexes and worse, who would rather die than hurt her. Well, Sebastian could do better than that, at least — he’d hurt her eagerly.
She wanted to learn the curse, she said. So he taught her. He showed her the motion, took her cold and clammy hand in his and guided her wand from behind, whispered the curse in her ear until he was satisfied she did it right —
“You need to say it as your wand descends.”
“Now?”
“No, start from higher. Like this, arm bent… Toward me. Closer.”
“Now?”
“Yes. Like cutting through flesh. Strong, forward motion.”
“Like this?”
“Just like that. Perfect, you’re perfect. I love teaching you curses, you’re so good… so good at it. Now, say it as I told you to.”
— and then, once she was ready, Sebastian took his place before her.
For once, Sebastian forgot how he felt about himself, and focused his emotions — mixed and myriad and primal — on her. It was, unsurprisingly, very easy. With the warm and soapy scent from behind her little ear and the tickle of her hair against his lips still fresh, he said it. The curse was tinged with his resentment for her, his jealousy of her, his yearning and hatred and want.
The flash of red moved in such a way as to cleave her open, as if he could, with a bolt of light, break her apart and peel her ribs away one at a time until he could get right to her heart, cup it in his hands, and steal it away.
What a piercing cry she gave, high and frail and consummately feminine. From the side of his senses, Sebastian could tell even Ominis was shaking, there in his corner where he cowered from the act. He could hardly blame his friend, it made his skin shiver too to get her to sound like that, to bring her to her knees, to make her moan and tremble with the aftershocks of pain. He’d admired her before, but now he just desired her — she’d never looked softer, more mortal, more fleeting, her skin drained of all colour as blood rushed away to escape the pain, her bones looking delightfully breakable, her chest heaving with sinking breaths that choked her and strangled her from within and left her dizzy. Sebastian was by her side as soon as the curse was over, equal parts fascinated and contrite, hands burning with the desire to just hold her.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
Part of him hoped more than anything that she was, that she forgave him, that she understood he had to do it. But another part wanted to see her scarred and ruined and at his mercy, his to nurture back to health, his to sustain, his to hold.
She got up before he even got to touch her, his hand left hovering in the air just above where she shoulder had been, and beside them the door of muted screams melted away, revealing the Scriptorium.
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project-sekai-facts · 5 months
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the way i only JUST realized that in An's "The Overflowing Feelings" card behind her isn't An's reflection no that is NAGI.....
and im pretty sure there is a bunch more symbolism in it because like. i think nagi is wearing a hospital gown in that card instead of her regular clothes but it is kinda hard to tell
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sometimes i see an ask and think "i could make this so much worse" and this is one of those times.
that's not a reflection, that is straight up ghost Nagi. if you notice the grunge texture is actually overlaid over the entire illustration, not just behind the fence. it's not a mirror, it's a fence that separates the living (an) and the dead (nagi). i also like how everything except Nagi on the dead side is blurry even the plants that are right next to her. i can't give an actual explanation because annoyingly this set didn't get a blog post, but my personal interpretation of this is that it's meant to show how Nagi is still close to An even after she's gone (personally I like to connect it to An carrying her memory of Nagi in her heart becase she's clutching her shirt over her heart, but i think you could interpret it as Nagi watching over An from the spirit world too if you want).
i think it could be a hospital gown based on general appearance and the way it ties at the back, but as you said it's hard to tell. it would make some sense though since she died in hospital. but it could just be a generic black dress, since it doesn't look like the hospital clothes she wore in the story. also if you look closely you'll notice her lineart in in a white-grey color which makes her look more ghostly than An.
Also notice how all the other pillars have the red flowers on them (the ones from the gekokujo jacket). I believe these are gerberas, which are sometimes used as funeral flowers. i.e the flowers placed on the other pillars are to say goodbye, but she's actually right there with An.
i think i can still make this worse.
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contrast with An's card from Vivid Old Tale. y'know, the one all about her relationship with Nagi and the first time they actually implied that Nagi's dead (they subtly hint at it in BFBY but it was far more obvious in VOT).
This set actually did get a blog post so I can go on about the symbolism. The cards in this set were based on the theme of "warmth and nostalgia", which heavily connects to the event being about An looking back at her childhood and time spent with Nagi, and how much she loves her home.
Sunflowers obviously tie in to that warmth, but they also symbolise positivity, happiness, and hope (the color yellow does as well).
Also this part of the interview:
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The people she loves have seen her grow up and smile compared to when she was a kid and crying after running away. Now while people she loves who have watched her grow up could be her mom or dad, or even Taiga, considering the untrained card...
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The person she's smiling at is Nagi.
And that's what makes the LUTF set so fucked up because just LOOK there's so much contrast between them. Sunflowers representing VBS' hope compared to the despair in the LUTF set caused by their defeat to Taiga. The bright colors next to greyscale (and red), how cold the LUTF set is next to the VOT set. An holding flowers in both but in one they're flowers symbolising joy and in one they're flowers symbolising grief.
The fact that the POV in An's VOT card is probably Nagi watching her all grown up vs Nagi being dead and separated from An in her LUTF card, not to mention that Nagi is no watching her (but was she ever really with An in the VOT card in the first place?). An crying in both untraineds but in one she's being comforted by Nagi and in one she's crying because Nagi is gone.
this card fucks me up.
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leejenowrld · 3 months
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more questions for jeno!!!
what’s your favourite sex memory with her?
what’s your favourite position?
do you have period sex?
what’s your reaction if you saw her kiss someone?
what’s something cute that y/n does that no one else knows about?
what’s something slutty that y/n does that no one else knows about?
jeno - there’s a lot. we have a lot of sex. but i like the times where she rides me, love seeing her pretty boobs bounce in my face, sometimes i suck on them when she’s riding me and she cums so much. she eithers squirts all over my cock or in my mouth, when she cums in my mouth i make her sit there for hours, i love to lick her clean and have every last drop of her cum fall onto my tongue, i love eating her out until she falls onto me but she’s my good girl, she’ll immediately suck my dick afterwords. she’s so fucking good to me. also don’t tell her i said this but the softer moments we fuck are also my favourite, love when my baby rides me and our chests are against each other, i look into her eyes and tell her how much i love her. truly feels like we fall more in love in those moments.
jeno - love when she rides me, love doggy, i love just holding her hips and fucking her from behind, i love the control i can get, we also love the 69, reverse cowgirl is always fun, i love any position i end up with her in.
jeno - we do, it depends how heavy her flow is but sometimes she’s comfortable enough and she’ll initiate it. i won’t initiate it when she’s on her period because i always want her to know it’s her choice, i’m more than happy to do what she wants. i just want her to be comfortable. we go a lot softer when she’s on, always a towel underneath us and we just fuck a lot softer and intimate, it’s missionary and something switches during period sex, i think she gets a lot more horny and needy. it’s the time where i’ll always give her what she wants and needs
jeno - depends. if it’s cheating (which wouldn’t happen btw) then we’d be over, i don’t wanna think about it too much, it’s gonna make me cry. but if it’s for fun? like if she’s kissing heejin or someone who we both trust. i’d join in! but let’s be real, 2 minutes in and the third person will probably leave because it will always turn into a making out session with me and my girl. that’s why i don’t think we’ll be good at a threesome, listen, we’ve spoken about it and we have said we don’t ever want one but if the time comes around and it’s someone we trust, then why not? but the lovers we are… the third person will become completely neglected. if it’s a girl then i’ll forget she’s there, i’ll make y/n suck my cock and my mouth will probably be on her tits and nipples. if y/n sits on my face then she’ll also give me a handjoh at the same time, you don’t know how crazy my girl is, she won’t let anyone touch me
jeno - cute? idk if this counts as cute but i think it’s cute, she’s gotten so desperate before she’ll ride me when she thinks i’m asleep or suck my cock when she’s proud of me. and when i’m studying she’ll sit on my cock and she’s actually good, i tell her she’s not allowed to move because i need to concentrate and she actually listens to me, she’s patient and she always knows i’ll end the study session with bending her against the desk. she’s a good girl, she’s my favourite.
jeno - she’s squirted all over me before, she’s licked my abs, when people walk in on us she doesn’t stop, if anything she’s louder and wants people to see. she also likes slapping me and i see her smirking if i cry. once she needed to piss and she was so close to doing it on me… such a dirty whore i know. s
y/n - you kept telling me to just piss on you!
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aeoris4lovers · 11 months
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when caleb is talking to the nein about his past before the dinner with trent, he tells them that in the time he spent under trent, astrid and wulf never wavered in their dedication or willingness. after rereading his origins comic, though, i think he’s wrong. i think there was a pretty significant period of time where eadwulf specifically was having doubts about what they were doing right in front of his eyes.
exhibit a: the bodies
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this is the most subtle example of it, but it’s also the earliest and probably represents the very beginnings of whatever doubts were brewing in wulf’s mind.
in both of these instances, there’s a dead or unconscious body on the ground, and wulf is staring at it while bren talks to trent. it’s hard to tell where he’s looking in the second one, but a later frame makes it clear that he’s looking in the direction of a body.
in the first one particularly, he looks to me like he’s visibly upset — his face isn’t as stoic as the others, and his body language looks uncertain, not his usual crossed-arm stance.
these were the moments that first caught my eye. they brought up questions in my mind: what is he thinking? what’s going through his head as he looks at the people they just hurt?
exhibit b: the bath scene
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this comes immediately after the second body, and is what confirmed in my mind that wulf definitely isn’t entirely on board with the things they’re being told to do.
he closes the door behind them and just stands with his fist against it. none of them look happy by any means, but it’s clear that he’s upset to a point where even bren and astrid, in the midst of their own feelings, look concerned and go to comfort him.
bren in particular takes a long moment with him before the two of them rejoin astrid. i’ll get into why that — and bren’s role in general — is significant in a moment.
exhibit c: the morning after
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this is the most important point in all of this, and the significance of his reaction here really can’t be understated.
in this moment, trent has just drawn their attention to their “memories” of their parents defying the empire. these are, from their point of view, very real and undeniable memories. and yet, the reaction we see here from wulf is one of explicit and absolute rejection.
and he’s not just denying what trent wants him to believe — he’s angry. he’s standing up and slamming a hand on table and raising his voice. doubt has been simmering under the surface in him for a while now, and this is the moment that trent crosses a line. trent has presented something truly unthinkable to him and despite his own memories supporting it, he absolutely cannot believe it. on a very visceral level, he knows it can’t be right.
this moment is significant not only because it confirms beyond a shadow of a doubt that wulf is not completely sure of what they’re doing, but also because we literally never see another student of trent openly defy him like this, nor do we see any volstrucker do so.
let me repeat that: until caleb goes up against him with the nein, eadwulf is the only person we ever see look trent in the eye and say “you’re wrong.” even after all of campaign two, we never see someone actively working under him defy him that explicitly — it’s only caleb, who escaped his control, or people like the nein with no real connection to him. even when astrid acts against him, she does it very quietly and is clearly terrified of those actions being alluded to at the dinner. wulf is the only one we ever see who, while at trent’s mercy, dares to openly and completely reject him.
bringing his family into it was a step too far. at this point, wulf isn’t just struggling with what they’re being told — he’s absolutely not having it anymore.
so what gives?
we know that he ultimately believes trent enough to kill his parents, and is even the first of the three to do it, so how do we get to that level of agreement from such a powerful moment of anger and denial?
that’s where bren comes in.
looking back at that breakfast scene, we can also see how the other two react to their own memories coming to light.
astrid’s is one of betrayal. she’s confused and struggling to understand why they would do it, but she doesn’t deny it either.
bren’s, on the other hand, is one of defeat. he’s clearly upset, but he’s simultaneously totally certain that what they’re remembering is true. and of course he is — his memory has been impeccable his entire life. why would he start to question it now, even if he doesn’t want to believe what it’s telling him?
bottom line: while astrid clearly also struggles with it and may have her own doubts, though not as strong as wulf’s, bren takes it all in stride and never wavers.
and if there’s one thing we know about wulf, it’s that he trusts his people. throughout his scenes in campaign two, we see him looking to astrid for signs of what to do or say and deferring to her when he’s overwhelmed by or unsure of the situation at hand. when caleb takes his hand at the blooming grove, he follows, and when astrid takes his hand and leads him away, he follows her. where they go, he follows. he trusts them implicitly and he looks to them when he doesn’t know what the right call is.
so what is he going to do in that moment, when his own mind is telling him something that he absolutely can’t believe and he doesn’t know how to reconcile it? he looks to them for guidance.
astrid clearly isn’t in a place to offer much, and hasn’t been. she’s not as lost in doubt as he is, but she’s not certain enough to reassure him either. we can already see that in the bath scene — remember when i said it was significant that bren is the one to stay with wulf while astrid goes off on her own? she wants to comfort him and tries to because she cares about him, but it seems that her conviction isn’t quite strong enough to be a steady base for someone else. and in the breakfast scene, we see that again, with her not openly going against it but still struggling with it in a way bren doesn’t.
bren, on the other hand, is consistently certain that they’re doing the right thing, even when it feels bad. caleb says as much himself when he first tells beau and nott his story: “i was so sure, i was so sure, until i wasn’t.” hearing his parents scream as they die is genuinely the first time he ever has doubts. until that moment, he’s sure. he trusts his mind and he trusts trent and he believes in their cause.
so when he sees wulf struggling with it, what does he do? he offers that certainty, reminds him of why they’re doing what they do, assures him that they’re doing the right thing and he doesn’t have to feel guilty. he’s their rock, the one wulf and astrid can trust to be sure even when their faith is shaken.
and that’s exactly what i think happens in the time between that breakfast and the night they kill their parents: bren sees wulf angry and totally lost trying to make sense of the massive gulf between what he remembers and what he knows to be true, he sees astrid confused and not able to put the pieces together, and he reassures them because he trusts his mind and so do they and he doesn’t want to see them struggle.
and i think astrid needs less convincing, but once she’s sure too and it’s only wulf that can’t accept it, that’s when he starts to think that maybe the unthinkable could really be true. bren is certain of what he remembers and astrid is certain that bren is right, so how can wulf, who trusts and relies on them so much for guidance, not at least entertain the idea that his parents really are traitors? how can he deny it and, in doing so, deny them?
that’s how he can ultimately go and do what he’s told, with such a stern and certain look on his face as he does. because his people were sure that it was the right thing to do, and no matter how strongly he feels that something must be wrong, he trusts them even more than he trusts himself.
that’s not to say that his doubts are completely quelled, though, because there’s still more of this thread that we can follow.
exhibit d: the aftermath
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wulf’s move to knock bren out and save astrid is a quick and decisive one in the moment, but it’s clear that he isn’t at all sure if he did the right thing. he talks to trent — explaining himself, maybe even apologizing because he thinks he was wrong — and trent has to stop him and say that no, he was right.
this is significant for two reasons. the first and more obvious of the two is that this shows he’s still in a headspace of questioning what he’s doing almost immediately after doing it. that doubt was quelled long enough to allow him to complete the “exercise”, but not by any means gone for good.
the second, which i think is the most important to the person he ultimately becomes, is that this is the first time he’s had to look to trent for reassurance.
before this moment, it’s bren and astrid who comfort and reassure him. but now, bren is lost to them and astrid is in no shape to offer any comfort, much less give him the reassurance bren might have. and she might not want to do so even if she could — she wanted to save bren, not leave him behind, and may very well be angry at wulf for the choice he made. so what choice does he have, with neither of them able to support him, but to look to his mentor for reassurance?
and what happens once he gets that reassurance from trent? before, he doubted trent and even openly defied him, but can he continue to do that now?
if he wants to be able to live with himself after, to live with the choice he made and sleep at night, he has to believe that the reassurance trent offered him that night was right — he has to believe that trent’s judgment is right. if trent is lying or just wrong, that means he did the wrong thing that night, and where can he go from there?
that night is a turning point for wulf not just because he took his parents out of the picture, but because he made a decision that ended up forcing him to trust trent to an extent that he really didn’t before.
the new eadwulf
the wulf that we meet in campaign two as an adult is a far cry from the wulf who stood up at that table and said “no, they would never.” he comes across as largely apathetic to and even comfortable with the things they do — it’s just a job for him, not something to overthink or get hung up on. as far as he’s concerned, the lives they take are unfortunate but still necessary sacrifices, just like trent always said.
and if you ask me, his journey to becoming that person, to the doubt and the fire in him being all but completely stomped out, starts with the night he was forced to give up his one source of constant reassurance and finally put his trust in trent instead. everything we see him do to separate himself from his actions, from his belief in fate and his “good soldier” attitude to the drink he has ready after spending time with trent, stems from that moment. he is the way he is when we meet him not because he simply doesn’t care, but because he can no longer afford to.
caleb says they never wavered while he was with them, but i think it’s only because his vision was clouded by his own certainty that he never saw it. he just couldn’t believe that they might not believe in their cause as much as he did because it seemed so right to him, and how could he believe that the people he loved would doubt something so important?
but they did doubt it, especially wulf, and even as an adult, little bits of that stick around in him — he immediately gravitates toward caduceus after caduceus stands up to trent, and as soon as trent isn’t a threat anymore, he’s perfectly content to just stay with caleb (and probably would have if astrid hadn’t pulled him away when she did).
i think, if bren hadn’t been selected for the volstrucker program or just hadn’t been as confident as he was in all of it, it may very well have been eadwulf who found himself standing against trent in the end.
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