#I don't want to be alive | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zebraaddictsh · 1 year

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i’m actually so depressed rn i don’t have the energy to kms or relapse. the urges for both still suck tho :/

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torifuckingspring · 6 months

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i need to get a haircut but hairdressers are dumb and don't know how to cut my fucking hair and i don't want it too short bc my face is ugly lol idfk what to do

#i'd shave it but #my face #also if i don't cut it at all i am in for an even larger mental breakdown over my gender #and i fucking hate it and i don't feel like it so i might just cut it myself #this makes no sense #and im tired #i don't want to be alive #fuck this shit

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hero-in-high-tops · 1 year

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I'm no longer holding on by a thread, it snapped years ago

#i don't want to be alive

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suicidal-demon-stuff · 2 years

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Death is all I can think of, as the days close till I leave. I don't want to be here conforming anymore. I want to be free. I feel so trapped inside this body and mind that I don't think there's ever gonna be a way out. I'm so tired and scared I can't e think straight anymore.

Have I lost my mind??? Am I losing my mind??? Is it lost already???

I'm sorry to all those that loved me...That do love me... That were going to love me..

I'm nearing my end I can feel it.

Help is such a strong word that I've come to realise that my childhood has taught me, crying help is attention seeking, and I don't want help.

I want support. I want someone to GENUINELY fucking be there for me... You put of their own heart gives a shit how I feel and how I will be.

I sense fake everywhere and anywhere in people, I see how we go from one subject to another, it not making any imprint on anyone at all other than to keep talking. It's the little things I realise that helps me understand people REALLY don't give a fuck.

And now I'm screaming into a void where no one is gonna hear me or see me.

I'm sorry, I haven't given up... I just can't take it anymore

#relatable #tw su1c1d3 #su1c1d4l thoughts #su1c1d4l #tw death #I don't want to be here anymore #I don't want to be alive

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uncanny-tranny · 3 months

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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

#mental health #mental health support #positivity #if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it #i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive #unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better

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snickerdoodl3 · 9 months

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maybe i just need to start selling content on onlyfans again. it’s only fair.

if that’s the type of content he’s going to follow on social media, then it’s only fair that i get to post that type of content.

if he’s going to give other women that attention, likes, follows, or even “just a view”... then it’s only fair that i receive the same from other men.

i said i’d never fucking fall in love with a man ever again because i knew it would be like this and here it is. here i am upset and hurt just like i’ve always been because i never have been and never will be enough or good enough.

and i can’t even talk to him about it because i don’t want to be seen as crazy. i don’t want to be seen as controlling. i don’t want to scare him away. if i lose him it’ll be the worst thing to happen to me.

so instead nothing will change and i’ll just continue to feel like shit and try to shove it down and ignore it.

the worst part of it all is that i fucking feel GUILTY for feeling this way. he treats me so well, he’s so good to me, and i love him so deeply. no one has ever treated me as well as he does. but i just end up feeling undeserving for not being enough or good enough but also for feeling like i’m not enough or good enough.

i literally can’t win. why can’t i just be normal?

i know i’m triggered. i know i’m experiencing flashbacks. i know i’m reliving my past. i know this is a result of trauma. but knowing that doesn’t at all change how it fucking feels.

i refuse to act or react when i’m feeling like this. i refuse to self destruct. i refuse to let my anger and sadness control me. i know i just need to get out of this spiral. i feel like i’m drowning. the only option is to just break down and cry at work and hope it passes before anyone sees me.

#i don't want to be alive #i'm so upset

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ruporas · 9 months

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the blank ticket in your hand is just waiting to be filled in.

happy birthday vash! (ID in alt text)

#vash the stampede #trigun #trigun maximum #trigun maximum spoilers #trimax spoilers #vashwood #i actually made it... im crying... was devastated for a bit bc i thought i wouldnt had anything for vash's bday!!#but happy birthday to the twins.. vash and knives...#no matter what i was going to make a vash centric post im sorry knives... i have a comic in progress also but it was taking too long T_T #that one would celebrate both of them slightly more fairly! but anyway.#birthdays to someone like vash must not mean a whole lot. even the first one - him and knives were like oh what... cool.. i don't think the #had the chance to celebrate much after that :pensive: and vash probably spent most of his birthdays like any other day so i kind of just #wanted to celebrate him living and being alive - living for as long as he did and the people that eventually made living worth it #keep counting the years vash!!! even if you dont have birthday parties - it's still very very special #quote is directly from rem’s speech in ch 41 also #ruporas art

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phoenixcatch7 · 7 months

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Dp x dc twin au where Danny and Damian were in fact conjoined/siamese twins, but the most dangerous type - one head, two bodies.

Their early removal from talia being because their shape would not have allowed for natural birth, they were written off but talia begged for the chance to send them off in the lazarus pit.

By some bizarre miracle, before she turned to leave, two small bodies bobbed to the surface - identical in every way, except for the eyes. The previous blue eyes now split in two, one left, one right, and the new eyes, pit created, a bright green.

She took her child, her two children, and together, they survived.

Being removed prematurely, their early years were tough, but soon they blossomed into promising heirs for the league. In sync with every step, the closest of brothers, the league was certain the old fairy tale of twins being telepathic had been granted by the pit that separated them, the remnants of being born as one mind, one brain, one skull.

But then Danny had to flee, and leave his other half behind. Stretched by distance for the first time, the bond grew thin and stretched, and Damian grieved his brother as dead. When he started being sent on public missions, he hid his distinctive heterochromia, choosing the green in memory of the pit that had given him and his brother life.

Danny, hiding his pit aura in the ocean's worth that was Amity park, took to blue, the colour that he and Damian were born with.

Damian moves to Gotham, and continues to mourn his brother as dead, right until one day when he is twelve, when he learns what the death of your other half truly feels like.

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Their reunion is a thing of family legend. Violence runs hot in both bloodlines, ghosts are highly emotional and prone to fighting a the drop of a hat for bonding, playing, testing, every reason under the green sun. Their training and play often consisted of friendly spars, competitive spars, furious spars, venting spars. Both have been exposed to unhealthy amounts of ecto since before their birth.

There is a long, long minute of staring, before they rip themselves away and lunge at each other like wolves.

The bat family are horrified by their brutally efficient youngest suddenly barreling towards a clone (?) and trying to claw his throat open with his bare hands while openly sobbing.

It ends with them wrapped around each other crying into the others shoulder as their minds finally meet again and relax from the painful stretch for the first time in years.

But nobody else has any idea what to do.

#Idk I just really like slightly codependent twins #Talia and ras had to put so much work in to prevent them from developing separation anxiety like dogs from the same litter #Also I like Damian thinking Danny is dead until he very abruptly finds out he is now via soul mate agony. Someone did a fic with that idea #It was really good. Let's dial it up to eleven #Danny and Damian having different eye colour and it being the fault of Damian's extra exposure to the pit is awesome too #But I wanted to see if there was a way they could both have the same eyes. Well. Close enough.#Same eyes + twin telepathy + the birth complications people like to give Danny = siamese twins #Also the portal accident happens two years early so there's that #I can't decide whether I want the first meeting to be alive Danny or dead Phantom #Or whether it be a summoning or something #I just need Damian and Danny to lay eyes on each other and immediately go feral #They still don't want to share a room though #dc x dp #dp x dc #dpxdc #dcxdp #danny and damian are twins #twins #twin au #dp x dc crossover #dp x dc prompt #dc x dp prompt #dc x dp crossover #It's not like telepathy it's more if one twin has seen it so has the other #It's not conscious on their part. They don't choose to share things usually. It's been that way since they were born.#That's what they think twins are for the longest time until talia realises and explains #Ras genuinely thinks Danny died because of how devastated Damian was and how he stopped knowing things he shouldn't #1k

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starsicklez · 1 year

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sitting alone at lunch again :/

#i asked will to sit with me but they said they sat next to me yesterday so.#i don't want to be alive

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cappycodeart · 5 months

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CONCEPT DOODLES for an AU I dabbled in with a few friends after the winter king episode but kinda forgot about after the Fionna and Cake finale... I decided to revisit it and explore a little more after coming to terms with everything LOL... So, it's another "Winter King doesn't die immediately after his crown gets nuked" AU, but THIS TIME he's just dying really slowly (like Simon in the Betty episode) and ALSO joins Fionna, Cake, and Simon on their search for magic crowns. There's no logic behind this tbh, we just wanted to put him through The Horrors. And make them all friends. But mostly The Horrors. :) (he only gets to live as a treat, because I think he's funny).

Bonus (old screenshot), because this is still funny to me:

#adventure time #atimers #fionna and cake #winter king #simon petrikov #fionna campbell #cake the cat #shared custody au #winter stowaway au #fan art #digital art #flat color #2023 #this is my blog so whatevers man... ima just post what I want now... and what I want rn is silly simon AUs LOL...#so expect more of me releasing my stash tomorrow #this AU makes the story like 500x more messy but it's fine it's funny that's the point don't think too hard about it #this is their fault for killing him now I gotta make up scenarios where he is alive #his design is inspired by some doodles my friend crayon did #ALSO I wanted to keep some of his features different from default simon so they're easier to tell apart...#like YEAH they're the same character... but also I just think it'd be fun... if they had subtle differences... because alternate universes #ALSO HE'S PALE BECAUSE HE'S DYING. JUST MAKING THAT DISCLAIMER... HIS SKIN TONE IS KINDA CLOSE TO DYING SIMON IN THE BETTY EP #BUT IN NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES HE'D BE CLOSER TO SIMON'S COLORS

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assassinregrets · 11 months

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#what a time to be alive #i don't ever want to get the news any other way #put that thing back where it came from or so help me

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gay-otlc · 8 months

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The people who think gay trans man have straight privilege because they have the "option" to "escape" homophobia and live as straight women are blatantly disregarding the fact that for a lot of trans people, the options aren't "gay trans man" or "cis straight woman." It's "gay trans man" or "dead."

#this post was inspired by my friend (mostly stealth trans man) who has dealt with a lot of homophobia from his bf's parents #and transphobes might make the argument that the homophobia he faced doesn't count because he could have just lived as a woman #and then dated his bf more safely #but i genuinely don't think he would be alive right now if he hadn't been able to transition #so yeah. just being a woman to escape homphobia isn't really an option for a lot of trans men #transandrophobia #apologies if this is not my place to speak about as a straight trans man. i was just having thoughts and wanted to share

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duckzz · 5 months

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