#I know what it’s like to lose someone prematurely and when I’m at such a young age

[ncteez]

charity f*ck (k.s)

Have you ever taken anyone’s virginity before? Well, yeah, your first time was both losing your own and taking someone else’s but, that was a long time ago. Have you ever taken the virginity of a twenty-six-year-old man who probably should have gotten laid by now anyway? Nope. Are you about to? Yep.

or the one where soonyoung has a streak of bad luck in bed and his friends make fun of him for it, you find him advertising himself on a dating app and decide to help him out.

ao3 | m.list | minors dni! | kindly leave feedback and reblog, i will kiss your forehead so fucking fast if you do. 

WORDCOUNT― 12.2k

PAIRING― soonyoung x afab reader 

CONTENT― virgin guy who lives with his parents!soonyoung, he’s not shy but he is very clumsy, a lot of texting so be prepared for that format for a lil bit (THIS IS NOT A SOCIAL MEDIA AU), facetime-sex, real life sex

SIDE CHARACTERS― Vernon as reader’s best friend and roommate, Seungcheol briefly as Hoshi’s friend.

WARNINGS― he’s made fun of by his friends for being a virgin, this is not an indication that you shouldn’t remain a virgin if you still are one! it’s fictional and i do not agree with mocking someone for their virginity in real life.

NOTE― i love him and i like the idea of him being clumsy during sex, i also like the idea of him being inexperienced but suuuuuuper eager to pretend he knows what he’s doing. shoutout to my redacted wife @onlyseokmins for proof reading this <3 

smut tags under cut:: 

smut tags―big huge dick soonyoung, phone sex (ish), face time sex,  masturbation, pet name: baby, making out, he eats you out twice, fingering, whining and whimpering, deep throating, premature ejaculation, desperate man wants his dick wet lmao, grinding, tit fondling/licking, clit stimulation, he bites the fuck out of his tongue to try and distract himself from coming too soon again,  no condom aka cream pie, soonyoung gets feelings like immediately when u touch him ~

“Check this shit out,” you laugh, presenting your phone to Vernon with a chuckle. “right or left?”

Vernon snorts, nearly spitting out the bite of food in his mouth as he reads the bio of the man you’re showing to him.

“Depends, you trying to take his innocence or are you trying to get railed so hard that the entire building can hear?” He narrows his eyes at you, making a point to call you out for keeping him awake last weekend. 

You wave him off with an apologetic look. To be fair, the dude from before knew how to make a girl moan, it’s not your fault that you managed to find a decent lay in this city. Even if he ghosted you, you assume you may have been a bad lay for him, if anything. 

“I wouldn’t mind trying something new, dude seems desperate.” You swipe through his photos, seeing that he appears to be just a normal dude with normal interests. “He’s cute too, so I’m swiping right.”

Vernon groans this time, slapping a hand to his forehead and glaring at you. 

“You’d better warn me if you end up bringing him home, I’m not about to listen to some guy start crying over a blowjob.”

You nod to him, sending a message to the eighty-six-year-old Soonyoung and feeling delighted at his near-instant response to you. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll make sure you’re out of the apartment if I invite him over,” You wiggle your brows as you stand to your feet and turn toward your room, eyes now glued to the open dating app’s messages. “Maybe you should go out and find a nice girl to rail to get back at me.”

“You’re so fucking weird.” Vernon laughs but feels kind of shitty because it’s not like he hasn’t been trying to get back at you for the loud sex. Guess he just doesn’t have the magic dick to make girls moan the way you do. 

Not that he wants to make you moan or anything, he definitely doesn’t. If anything, he wishes you were more like the girls he brings home.

~

You: i’ve never seen a virgin grandpa on this app before 

Soonyoung: ….i’m 26, it says that in my bio

You: I think you’re lying. 

Soonyoung: do u know how to change it, my bitch friends won't tell me lol

You: why would i help you lie to the women in our city

Soonyoung: i’m not lying!!1

You laugh to yourself as you text the new sex interest in your life, wondering if he’s lying about his presumed virginity. 

You: ok, twenty-six-year-old “hoshi” who is five miles away from me, you’re actually a virgin? Like for real?

Soonyoung: yea….are u here to make fun of me for it too? all the girls here just turn me down even if i offer to cook for them after

You: you’re really just looking to get laid for the first time, ever? and you’re offering to cook dinner too?

Soonyoung: yea

You: you’ve never had a blowjob or anything like that? you can’t seriously think I can believe you’re 26 and have never been laid, it’s not like you’re ugly or anything

Soonyoung: u don’t think im ugly? :) 

Soonyoung: and yea I’ve had a blowjob before

You: why didn’t you sleep with her then?

Soonyoung: can we stop talking about why im a virgin

You: for now, but im gonna ask again eventually.

You’re smiling at your phone, finding him charming and awkward in how he communicates with you via messenger. Of course, you’re curious as to why he’s a virgin, even more, curious as to why he’s on a dating app looking to lose said virginity. 

You: do you want my number? it’s embarrassing to have the app open in public if i wanna talk to you.

Soonyoung, on the other hand, is quite literally kicking his feet and checking your profile every few minutes just to look at you. He didn’t even think too hard about you calling him attractive then not following up on it, because the fact that you just offered your number to him in case you want to talk to him? Butterflies. Given, it’s juvenile for someone of his age to still be experiencing the typical high-school crush feelings, would anyone blame him? It’s just how he is, with or without having had sex. He can’t imagine not feeling giddy inside when he’s talking to someone that he thinks is pretty. 

Soonyoung: yea :) u can text me whenever [redacted phone number] 

You respond to him by texting his number rather than using the app messenger, screenshotting his contact info, and sending it to him with a sly smile. 

You: 

Grandpa Hoshi: :| 

Grandpa Hoshi: im 26

~

Okay so, here’s the thing. Soonyoung is undeniably funny, witty, and kind. Another thing, he’s wildly attractive. Especially upon fulfilling your request for a workout selfie from him. So, what gives? You read the texts he’s sent that made you laugh out loud, you look at his pictures, stare at the workout selfie, and you genuinely cannot understand how he doesn’t have women waiting in line to have at him. 

You: it’s been like four days since we started talking

Grandpa Hoshi: yep, almost five

You: four days of being friends but no mention of your bio on the app, yknow, where you’re begging to have sex for the first time ever?

Grandpa Hoshi: right, yea. you wanna do it? i didn’t wanna assume lol

You: not answering that til you explain why. i mean, it’s totally ok that you are but like, you’re a green flag all around so im a little worried you might have like a micropenis or something

Disclaimer, if he had a micropenis, you’d still let him use it on you. After all, hooking up is something you enjoy doing regardless of size.

Grandpa Hoshi: i do NOT have a micropenis

You: prove it

Grandpa Hoshi: right now???

You laugh to yourself but also like, it’s the first time the two of you have done anything more than bully each other. Or rather, you bully him and he defends himself constantly. 

You: answer my question first

It takes a few minutes for him to respond, but you’re doing coursework anyway so it’s not a huge deal. Totally not like your ears perk up and a smile creeps across your face every time your phone goes off or anything. Definitely not. 

Grandpa Hoshi: um… i still live with my parents and before u make fun of me for that pls understand that its not like i wanna be here 

Grandpa Hoshi: i have a job and everything!!! im not a mooch!

He’s getting off track again. You could honestly care less if he still lives with his parents. You wish you still lived with yours, to save money at least. 

You: they won’t let you have anyone over? 

Grandpa Hoshi: well, that too but 

Grandpa Hoshi: listen this sounds real stupid but it just never happened? even when i tried or things almost happened, it never did

You: damn, you’re unlucky. so what happened with the girl who gave you a blowjob?

Grandpa Hoshi: her boyfriend walked in

You: WHAT

You’re trying to pity him, honestly, but damn. Did he go for a taken girl? Yikes. You hate to admit the ick that just flooded your mind. 

Grandpa Hoshi: its not like i knew she had a boyfriend

You: phew 

Grandpa Hoshi: so yea. do u wanna help me out or not? 

The whole reason you started talking to him was specifically to help him out. Now that you know he’s not some weirdo, and is definitely super hot and funny, hell yes. 

You: yeah, sure. 

You: about the micropenis though, 

Grandpa Hoshi: right…um

A few minutes of silence, your coursework is long forgotten in the anticipation of receiving your first nude from Soonyoung. You wait, and you wait, and you wait.

You: i mean if you can’t prove it that's ok 

Grandpa Hoshi:  just give me a sec damn

He’s doing his best to get the most attractive angle. It’s not like he’s never sent nudes to anyone or anything, but like– this is you. The first person to actually agree to take his virginity. Should he hold it? Put a remote next to it for size? Should he have his face in the pic? Take a mirror pic? 

Of course, as he’s taking several pictures of his length to try and impress you, he had to get hard first. He can’t imagine you’d want a flaccid cock pic in your inbox, and that would also mean that he’s working himself up with the amount of touching, holding, and groping throughout the past sixteen photos he’s taken and deleted. It’s at the point that now it’s actually hard to care about taking a photo, pre-cum already dripping out of him as he continues to try.

He’s entered the realm of his regular horny self, only this time he’s texting you. Someone who wants to see what he’s packing. Taking a dick pic is insanely easy once he stops thinking with his brain, and he’s quick to send you a photo of himself this time. His chin at the top of the picture, face entirely hidden, hand wrapped around his thick and leaking cock, sweatpants shoved down. 

Grandpa Hoshi: [image attachment] 

In all fairness, you’ve never actually cared much for dick pics. Men always look too confident even with the smallest of girth being offered through the pixels. Soonyoung though. He looks a bit desperate even with his face hidden. His cock looks desperate, his fingers wrapped around it look desperate, the way his sweatpants hug against his thighs look desperate. And now, you feel desperate. You keep your cool though.

You: oh, you were jerking off, got it. 

Grandpa Hoshi: sorry can’t help it 

Then he doesn’t text you back. Which is kind of a drag because he looks to be quite big in the photo alone. Maybe you’d be okay just this once to look like the desperate one. Mostly because you’re about ten seconds from trying to figure out which direction five miles away he resides so you can go palm his cock for him. Plus, the idea of an absolute simp virgin like him seeing you act a little desperate would probably be one for the books. 

You: you know i can help you out with that, right? especially since you definitely don’t have a micropenis

You’re still being ignored. The silence from your phone makes your belly flip around inside of you at the image of him doing it too. He probably does it a lot. He’s probably desperate to feel good, you can imagine how he’d act if you were in front of him right now, the very idea of taking his virginity becoming entirely too attractive.

Shrugging, knowing full well what he’s doing right now in order to ignore you, you press the call button and wait. You’re a little bit nervous, mostly because you’ve never actually heard his voice before, or better yet how he sounds when he’s getting off. You’re shocked that he actually answers. 

“Hello?” He says, muffled through the phone and trying to sound not-so-out-of-breath. It’s not like he looked at who was calling him anyway. With his luck, it’s probably Seungcheol or some shit.

“Don’t hello me,” You gripe, narrowing your eyes at yourself in your mirror. “You’re just gonna jerk off without me after I agreed to help you fix your little problem?” 

The silence on his end is a bit nerve-wracking until you hear the frantic sound of his palm clearly wreaking havoc on him. You smirk, leaning back on your chair and sighing. On his end, processing that it was you on the other line sent his entire body into a state of burning with arousal. Your voice is sweet even when you speak with the same sarcasm as usual. God, this alone is enough for him right now. 

“Were you at least thinking of me?”

He hums into the phone, indicating that yes, that’s exactly what he’s doing. His voice is kind of soft despite only hearing one word and a hum, you want to actually hear him talk to you, or moan, whichever he decides. 

“Were you looking at my pictures?”

He nods his head, forgetting that you’re not able to see him and instantly responds with a small and breathy yes instead. It’s a bit difficult for him right now to talk, especially now that he can put a voice to the photos he’s been jerking off to. It’s a bit overwhelming, actually.

“Do you want better ones?” You ask, encouraging him to speak a bit more. 

“Oh god, really?” He asks through the speaker, his hand pausing on his length as if to hold off until you confirm. “Like, nudes?”

“Mhm, yeah. If you want.” You smile as you speak to him, already standing to shimmy your pajamas off of you and stand in front of the mirror. “Or, you know what would be better?”

Letting me come over and actually do it? That’s what he wants to say to you, but he doesn’t, he simply raises a brow.

“What?” He asks, still keeping his responses short because despite how into this he is, he’s a bit shy about it. 

“I can facetime you.” 

He panics. That means you’ll be watching him too, right? Sure he’s sent nudes, he’s received nudes. He’s sent videos too, and received them. But never has he like, you know, live masturbated on facetime so someone else can watch. 

“If you don’t want to, that’s okay.” You backtrack at his silence, but you’re cut off almost immediately. 

“No! no, we can facetime–”

Your stomach flips again as you fix yourself quickly in the mirror before setting your phone against your desk and rolling back a bit in your chair to determine if it’ll work this way or not. It’s not like he’s expecting you to do it too, he probably just thinks you’re gonna sit here naked for him to stare at. You’re kind of excited to see him in action, to hear him in action for you.

You hit the button to switch the call over to facetime and once again adjust your phone as you stare at yourself in the camera. Then you’re needing to catch your breath at the image of him.

There he is, his camera angled towards his face and not at all toward what's going on below his waist, but you don’t mind at first. Look at him, the lighting clearly shows that he’s a fan of mood lighting. You watch his eyes briefly, staring through the screen at you before moving your eyes to his arm, the one that clearly isn’t holding his phone because you can see it moving as he continues to jerk himself off. It’s an interesting feeling to have only seen him in photos until this moment, and it’s insanely attractive for some reason. Seeing him in motion, knowing what he’s doing, knowing that he feels good right now because of you.

“Let me see,” you say quietly, adjusting your bra strap and preparing to slip it off of you if he so much as asks. “Prop your phone up somewhere like I did.”

He nods, his eyes still staring straight through his screen at you as he moves around and the image becomes a blur of movement rather than his face. He settles in quickly, somehow looking even more attractive with the way his eyes no longer stare at the screen. You can almost sense a hint of shyness from him at this moment and it kind of floors you, given how easy he is to talk to and how easily he sent a dick pic to you.

“Feeling shy?” You ask, spreading your legs wide and cupping the seat of your panties, hiding the small spot of wetness forming there. “You act like I’m not going to be touching you at some point soon.”

You see him perk up, his eyes looking to you on the screen with more fondness than arousal. At the same time, his hand grips the base of his cock as he holds it straight up, erect and glistening proudly for you to look at. 

“You look pretty big, bet you could fill me up so nicely,” You try to compliment, boosting his confidence and ego as best you can simply because he looks pretty with a smile on his face. Especially when his cock twitches at the words. “Would you want to do that for me, Hoshi?”

“Oh god,” He groans, hearing his nickname come from your mouth for the first time. His hand jerks up his length once, almost aggressively as he winces at it. 

“This is going to be so embarrassing.” He admits, sliding his palm up and down shamelessly now as he watches between your spread legs. 

“Embarrassing, why?” You chuckle, tapping now at the spot between your legs. “Can you not see that I’m just as turned on right now?”

He groans again, releasing his length and using that same hand to swipe his hair out of his face, then immediately grimacing at the fact that he now has pre-cum in his hair. Embarrassing, all of it. 

“Well,” He tries to avoid you bringing up the fact that he just did that and only shoots his hand back to his cock in order to distract whatever off-hand shit you’re about to say. “You don’t even have your panties off yet, and I could probably get off right now.”

You laugh, not wanting to ruin the mood with the whole cum on his own face thing, so you save that for later. Instead, you instantly slip your panties off and present yourself to him much like he’s doing for you. 

“Better?”

Soonyoung watched with his breath stuck in his throat, now finding it harder to breathe at the image of your pussy and the way he hopes he can touch it one day. 

“Can you–” He pauses, not being used to dirty talk towards anything other than the porn playing on his phone. He thinks hard, and you can see it based on the way he, once again, neglects his cock with an unmoving palm.

“Can I do what?  Go on,” You urge him, running a hand up to your chest and fondling your nipples right there in front of him, but not yet moving the fabric. “What do you want me to do for you, baby?”

Baby. You called him baby. Not that he’s into that but the fact that you did it makes him wonder if he is now. Maybe it’s because he wants you to take him for all he’s worth at this point. One, to get rid of the virginity looming over his head, and two, because you sound so fucking smooth when you’re watching him get off. 

“Can you spread your pussy for me?” He whispers at first, boring a hole through his screen as he watches one of your hands tease at your hidden nipples, and the other hand sliding up and down the wet folds there. So badly does he want to see it. He wants to see your hole pulsing for him, leaking, needy.

His cock twitches wildly the second you do it for him. Two fingers spreading your pussy open and tensing your hips just to move it closer to the screen for him. 

“You want to fuck this?” You chuckle softly, slowly dipping a finger into yourself and pulling it back out to present the wetness for him.

“Oh,” he sighs, now fucking into his fist at a pace that proves he’s most definitely never fucked a woman before. “Fuck.”

You nod at him, urging him to keep admitting his attraction to you. You’re aware he doesn’t see it though, as his hips continue to move quicker and quicker each time you press your finger into yourself. 

“You gonna act like this when I’m riding you?” You ask with a tilted head, studying how hard he’s fucking against his hand. You can imagine how good it would feel if it were you, and quite frankly, this one finger isn’t enough at this point. 

“God. You’re gonna ride me?” He moans, eyes rolling only slightly as he imagines it. 

“Mhm,” you hum, now sliding in another finger and scissoring yourself open with them. “Would you want that?”

Before you can even work yourself up, and before he can even answer that question, you see him release. His cum shooting out in spurts across his stomach and nearly up to his chest. His labored breathing shifts the lighting against his abs and makes it look so entirely delicious. You’ve never wanted to lick a man clean so badly in your life.

You’re not even upset that he didn’t make it into the knitty gritty, considering he’s a virgin and all and you’re literally fucking yourself in front of him while implying riding him. You’re actually flattered. 

His release caused him to see white for several moments, forgetting he’s even on camera for you. When he comes back to reality, watching you continue to finger yourself as your eyes scan your screen, all he can do is feel bashful. 

“Shit, sorry,” He comments with a half laugh, looking down at his cum covered chest before looking at you again. Honestly, he could probably go again if you let him watch for a bit longer, but he’s embarrassed now. “I uh, didn’t mean to come that fast. It just kind of happened.”

“It’s okay,” You comfort him, slightly out of breath as you wonder if this is all you’re gonna get tonight. “It was cute.”

After a few moments, you sense his embarrassment and slowly slip yourself back into a sobering headspace, closing your legs and trying to ignore how wet you still are.

“Are you, um, done?” Soonyoung says, disappointed.

“Mm, no.” You smile. “But it’s okay, I’d rather make you come first anyway.”

His face lights up despite the disappointment in his gut of not being able to see you get off. 

“You still wanna see me after this?”

You nod with a smile, endeared by his need to give, but inability to do it.

“When are you free?” You ask, wondering if he’s ever going to clean himself up. 

“Whenever you are.” He laughs, scratching the back of his head with, once again, the same cum-stained hand. 

“I’ll text you later then,” You smile through the screen and give a small wave before your genuine smile turns into a smirk. “After I take care of my little problem though.”

You notice him sitting up in protest, but you hang up with a satisfied laugh and head to the shower to both finish yourself off and clean up.

~

Grandpa Hoshi: what about 3pm on thurs?

You: you want to lose your virginity at 3pm….on a thursday???

Grandpa Hoshi: my parents have plans so ill have the house to myself for a few hours

You: or you could just come here? 

Grandpa Hoshi: if ur comfortable with that? i thought u were supposed to come here lol

You: im comfortable, plus my roommate will kick your ass if you’re weird

Soonyoung contemplates hard on that last part but shrugs over it. Probably a girl thing, and it’s not like he’s an actual creep or anything. You’d be the one with power over him when the two of you are alone anyway. 

You: what about tomorrow, 8pm? 

Tomorrow. Hell yeah, tomorrow. Hell, he’d show up right the fuck now if you let him. He may live with his parents but he’s got a car. 

Grandpa Hoshi: send ur address, ill be there :) 

~

“Tomorrow, you’ll be a man.” Seungcheol croaks through the speaker at Soonyoung, totally assuming that this whole virginity loss dating app plan was actually just a joke. 

“Why do you have to say it that way?” Soonyoung groans back, slapping his hand over his forehead and rubbing his temples. “I didn’t think anyone was actually gonna come through, she’s the first one.”

“What makes you think she’s actually gonna send you her address?” Seungcheol laughs, once again placing more pity onto his best friend than anything else. “She’s probably not even a real person, you’re gonna end up at some old guy’s house.”

Soonyoung laughs, or snorts really. 

“Oh, she’s real.”

Seungcheol sits up in curiosity this time, switching his phone to the other ear with interest. 

“Hm? Have you already met her?”

“Kind of. We like, um,” Soonyoung pauses, wondering if he sounds way too excited to tell him or not. “We facetimed a few hours ago.”

Silence.

“She got naked.”

“Oh ho ho!” Seungcheol encourages him. “So you guys did some stuff on facetime and she still wants to meet you?” 

“That’s what I said!--” Soonyoung smiles to himself, about two seconds from kicking his feet before realizing what Seungcheol just said. “Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You’re kind of a loser, we’ve been over this.” Seungcheol laughs yet again. “Call me when you get your cherry popped or whatever.”

Then he hangs up. 

Grandpa Hoshi: do u think im a loser?

You: yeah kinda

You’re laughing at his text as you sit across the table from Vernon.

“That him texting?” Vernon quirks a brow, watching you smile at your phone and practically ignore him. 

You laugh again at Soonyoung’s string of defensive texts before responding with a short “it’s okay, i like losers”, and putting your phone down to finish telling Vernon that he’s gonna get kicked out tomorrow for the night. 

“So,” You clap your hands in front of yourself, glaring at Vernon. “You’re gonna have to be gone tomorrow at eight because I'm about to literally obliterate this guy.”

“Jesus, I’m scared for him.”

“You should be scared for me. Because, well…” You trail off for a second, scrolling up your texts to see the dick pic Soonyoung sent before the facetime call. “He’s huge and–”

“I did not need to know that.” Vernon sighs, scooting back in his chair and standing to his feet. 

“You act like you’re not curious nearly every time I meet someone.” You roll your eyes at him, smiling.

Vernon stands there awkwardly before shrugging and lunging for your phone. 

“How big?” He laughs, not actually trying to see the dude’s dick but always way too curious for his own good despite never wanting to be around to hear what the big dicks do to his best friend. 

“Stop prying, you’ll get jealous.”

He scoffs, brushing off his pants of invisible dust and crossing his arms. 

“I’ll have you know, my dick is perfectly sized.”

“I’m sure it is. Anyway, tomorrow, be gone.” 

He nods, sauntering to the living room and flopping down on the couch. 

“Keep it in your room, please. I don’t want to sit on his gross body fluids when I come home.”

~

It’s Thursday. It’s approximately seven in the evening on Thursday and you’re well aware that Soonyoung is probably bubbling with anxiety if his texts are anything to go by. 

So many are you sures, so many you can tell me to leave if you decide you don’t want tos, and even more i can’t wait to see yous. 

“Vernon, aren’t you supposed to be leaving?” You ask, opening the fridge to pull out a bottled water. 

You’ve already showered again today, primped yourself up for him really. Everything smooth, soft, and ready to be touched. You wonder if Soonyoung is doing the same, and smile.

“Hm, yeah. But I kinda wanna see him before I leave.”

You turn your head to him with a curious look, glaring only slightly.

“I swear to god if you scare him off, I’m kicking you out.”

Vernon laughs, patting the couch as if to invite you to sit with him to ease your own anxiety. He can smell the familiar lotion you use before dates, and he notes that you’ve really tried to look good today. 

“I think you might kill him, if I’m being honest.” Your best friend laughs softly, complimenting you. 

“Thanks, that’s the plan.”

And so, the two of you sit together laughing at stupid comedy shows until your phone lights up at around eight fifteen. 

Grandpa Hoshi: i’m a little early, is that ok? 

“Oh shit, he’s here.” You immediately feel nervous, which is pretty normal for you anyway so it’s easily overlooked by Vernon. 

He jumps up, brushing off his clothes and walking toward the kitchen to grab his keys and wallet. 

“Let him in then, I’ll leave when he gets here.”

You give him a knowing look before nodding. 

You: second floor, take a left when you get to the top of the stairs, third apartment on the left.

Within minutes, there’s a very gentle knock on the door and Vernon is throwing himself at it to get a look at him. Unfortunately it’s a bit more awkward than he expected it to be. 

Not only did Soonyoung think your roommate was a woman, but he, at the very least, expected you to answer the door. He was preparing himself all day for this moment, to knock on your door and have you open it. At first he thought that maybe he even got the wrong apartment. 

“Oh, I think I got the wrong place, sorry–” 

“Nope, you’re in the right place.” Vernon smiles, stepping to the side and opening the door wider for him. “You can come in.”

Soonyoung does, awkwardly. Avoiding eye contact with Vernon and barely even looking into the apartment before stepping inside. 

“She’s excited, don’t worry.” Vernon whispers, throwing Soonyoung a wink before stepping out and closing the door behind him.

Soonyoung still hasn’t really looked up from the floor yet, and you make quick work to make him feel more comfortable. 

“Don’t mind him, that’s both my best friend and roommate.” You say, making your way toward him and trying your best not to stare because, okay, wow. He’s kind of ten times more attractive in person, which is fucking insane considering how good he looked through a screen. 

“Have you and him ever like…” Soonyoung immediately starts, realizing he might have made things weird. 

“Vernon?! Oh, god no.” You laugh, reaching for his arm and feeling him lean into it with relief. “You’re allowed to look up by the way. You’ve been staring at that crack in my floor since you got here.”

Immediately Soonyoung moves his eyes up to you, the eye contact feeling more intense than it should, but you’re locked in too. The awkwardness dissolves almost instantly, he feels no need to question you further about anything really, especially with the way he feels his throat run dry at the very idea of this whole plan actually happening at some point.

When he made his profile on that app, it was kind of a half joke until like, people started talking to him. Given, no one ever followed through but you, he’s happy he stuck with it. Happy you came out of the works from said dating app, happy you picked him. 

Really though, he picked you. Part of you wonders about why you want to take this from him. For power, for control, to be praised, to feel like you’re his entire world of desire for a brief time? All of those things, but you can admit now that he’s in front of you that it’s a bit intimidating. He’s not shy at all, just a bit awkward. He seems confident, he seems ready, and you find yourself lucky for being the one to get to do this for him, or with him. If at all, Soonyoung is the type of man you could see yourself hanging out with often, with or without having sex. 

Given, upon seeing him face to face for the first time, the only thing you thought about was how attractive he is. Now though, as you look back at him along with the silence of this apartment offering nothing more than awkwardness, it’s not. Because you’re seeing him for all he is and he appears to not be able to help it. Is this what people mean when they say there’s an instant spark between two people? Despite how attractive he is, you find yourself thinking of how many times he’s made you laugh. How many times he’s embarrassed himself, and now for the first time he’s right there and all you want to do is…give him exactly what he wants, or needs. Whichever. 

“Okay, listen,” You start, swallowing around a lump in your throat as you feel your body heat up at record speed by just having his eyes looking into yours. You know by this point that you’re not going to be keeping your hands to yourself at all. And for his sake, he’d probably prefer it that way. “If I move too fast, just tell me to stop.”

Soonyoung tilts his head with a dopey smile, eyes still fixed on you, scanning you, coming to terms with the fact that you’re absolutely everything he thought you would be and more. 

“I don’t think that’s gonna be an issue,” He admits, feeling his length confined within his pants twitch wildly at the entire situation. “I struggled not to get hard just driving over.” He laughs, looking away from you for the first time with flushed cheeks. 

You find that painfully adorable. No man would ever admit that to you. Especially after just a few minutes of meeting in person for the first time, but this is Soonyoung and in the short amount of time you’ve known him, you’re kind of expecting him to be really forward and say things that will have you frozen in thought.

“Oh yeah?” You ask, grabbing his hand and leading him to the kitchen. You’re pretending that his apparent inexperience isn’t getting to you, but you’re not really fooling anyone. “Let’s get you some water or something, I can see you drooling.”

Soonyoung laughs, shrugging because yeah maybe he’s drooling a little bit. You smell fucking immaculate, your hand is small in his but still manages to overpower him, your skin feels soft and slightly cold. Honestly, it’s dangerous just having you stand in front of him right now because he could absolutely blow his load just by you looking at him. Embarrassing? Always.

He follows after you, very nearly crowding up to you as the comfort sets in and the last bit of awkwardness leaves his mind. All he can think about is how you sounded over that facetime call. He’s seen what’s between your legs, and during that night all he could think about was touching you, fucking you. Now he’s here, and you’re right there. It’s hard not to crowd up, it’s hard not to cling to you, it’s hard not to be excited. Seeing your hand wrapping around that bottle of water to give to him, seeing you lean just before grabbing it– of course he’s staring. Of course he’s crowding closer, almost to the point that he’s up against your ass when you lean back up from the fridge.

You turn after grabbing him the bottle and become shocked by his close proximity when you face him. He looks down at you with a soft face, one that shows he’s not embarrassed by how he immediately attaches to you. His smile is just as clumsy as he is, you can tell he knows exactly what he’s doing too. You’re glad, because it makes it entirely too easy to drop the water bottle, grab his face, and chase his lips all the way until he’s against the counter and kissing you back. 

He sighs instantly into it, wincing at the way the kitchen counter hits his back, you pressing against him so harshly just to get that first taste of his lips. He’s excited that you seem as eager as him, maybe even as desperate as him. 

For you, a man has never been this eager just to kiss you, nor has a man ever kissed you this good. You can imagine that he’s probably got a lot of experience in terms of kissing, not much elsewhere though. You can tell by the way he moves his hands to all of the right places, but his blatant virginity shows through all of it as he becomes a horny mess almost instantly. 

His tongue is warm and wet, small whining sounds coming from his throat as you press yourself against him briefly. His hands never leave your body and he shows no shame in touching where he wants to touch. Rubbing, groping, and caressing every inch of your waist, ass, and even moving up to your face to deepen the kiss. His hips press forward almost constantly, and all you can do is brace yourself on the counter behind him to try and tame his relentless hips and obvious attempts at rushing what he wants right now. 

If you’re going to sleep with him though, he’s gonna get the full experience, not a quickie. Plus, you agreed to keep it in your room for Vernon’s sake. 

“Hey,” you sigh, trying to pull back from the kiss but he isn’t having it. Still kissing against you and running his lips down to your neck when you continue to speak. “We should go to my room, your first time isn’t about to be in my kitchen.”

“Why not?” He groans against your neck, kissing harshly with faint wet sounds, his hands wrapping tightly around your waist now. “I don’t care where we do it, i just want you like, really bad.”

Still, his lips don’t leave you, nor do his hands. You find yourself giggling against him with a shake of your head at the way he protests when you pry yourself from his grip. Of course, though, he’s immediately clinging to you and chasing after you to your bedroom before practically throwing himself at you again.

You barely get the door closed before he’s pressing you against it this time, hand running down again to your waist and easily snaking up your shirt just to feel the warmth of your skin. You let him, enjoying the way he kisses you for just the second time, enjoying more the way you can feel him lose his composure every few minutes from this alone. 

You’re kind of in love with the fact that he doesn’t seem to want to pull back even for a breath. He seems to love kissing, and you wonder what else he’ll come to love doing tonight too. From the way he moves his tongue and his lips on you, you can imagine he’d be fucking heavenly at eating pussy.

Successfully you push him away again, rushing to your bed before he can make you melt against his lips for a third time, and you’re instantly trying to present yourself to him much like you did over camera. 

“You’re really going to let me?” He asks with a deep breath, brushing his hair out of his face and wiping his mouth. His brain malfunctions at your presumed answer to that question, watching you take your panties and shorts off in one go and leaning back to spread your legs for him. 

At this moment, you’re all his and you make it a point to spread your pussy out for him like he asked you to do before. You can practically see his knees buckle that very instant.

“To think I wouldn’t want to do this is insane,” You say, wiggling your hips for him to see. “Look how wet I am.” You pause, studying the hungry look in his eyes. “Do you wanna try eating me out?”

He doesn’t even nod. He’s immediately on his knees against your bed and grabbing your thighs to pull you toward his face. You yelp only slightly at the movement, a chuckle coming out shortly after as you sit yourself up properly to take in the image of his eyes sparkling up at you. 

Your breath is caught in your throat, a small groan coming out at the image alone before you’re able to process words again. 

“Can’t believe how good you look down there,” You say softly, brushing his hair out of his face for him like he did to himself earlier. “Have you ever done this before?”

He shakes his head, eyes shifting from your pussy to your face. Regardless of your shock at that, he seems like he’s waiting for a green light so you decide to cut the compliments short and raise your brows at him. 

“Go on then.”

You watch him and the way he doesn’t seem to think at all when he does it. Once again, he’s adorable. His tongue goes everywhere, only grazing your clit briefly every few licks, never staying on it presumably because he’s in the process of finding the clit based on how your body reacts. 

He has a general idea of where it is, but the feeling of having your pussy on his lips alone is enough to overwhelm him with arousal. All he can do is taste and smell the mixture of your warmth along with the soap and lotion you must have used before he came here. 

He’s quite literally tasting the entirety of you and loving every second of it. The way his hands grip your legs, both spreading them further open so that he can tilt his head and lick at different angles, and then hugging them to where they almost lock his head in place. 

It feels like he does this for ages, learning your body and what makes your legs shake. He sucks in different places, kissing your entire pussy to the point that it’s almost impossible for your legs not to shake in reaction at what he’s doing to you. 

Dare you say, a man who is inexperienced at eating a woman out somehow feels better than one who knows exactly where to go. 

“Fuck, knew you’d be good at this,” you compliment with a shaky voice, reaching down to his hair and holding his head in place. “Stay on my clit, use your fingers on me.” 

He hums, taking note of where you place his lips and reminding himself that this is the clit, just as suspected. He attaches his lips there, kissing it much like he kissed you in the kitchen. 

You can feel his fingers make their way into you, each bump of his knuckle sending a delicious sensation throughout your body. You’re tingling from your head to your toes at this point and your face heats up beyond what you thought it would. Your hips move on their own, experimentally fucking against his fingers as he keeps his tongue flicking at you. 

“Just like that,” you encourage him, running your hands through his hair and looking down at him. Seeing his head move with each little thrust of your hips is only more arousing in this moment. His eyes half open, watching you, tasting you, almost smiling around your clit when he makes eye contact with you. 

It almost seems like he’s asking if he’s doing well, and goddamn is he. He’s doing amazing.

“So good,” you say shortly, scratching against his scalp as a thank you, still fucking your hips up just to feel his fingers plunge deeper. 

He, on the other hand, is fucking feral right now. Tasting you, dipping his fingers into you, feeling that warmth for the first time, the small clenches— he’s swimming in a fantasy. Every time you move your hips up, he can smell the entirety of you, he can feel your pussy squeeze his fingers, and god. He doesn’t think he ever wants this to end.

All day, he could do this all fucking day. No wonder men make fun of other guys for not giving head. Why wouldn’t they? He can feel your legs tensing up around his head, your gentle fingers running through his hair, the sounds coming from your lips. He’s in love, he’s in love.

He doesn’t stop, tongue flicking your clit so beautifully, fingers slowly fucking in and out of you, not even in time with your jerking hips. Shockingly, you approach euphoria so fucking fast that you can barely warn him, you’re not even thinking when you put pressure on his head, pressing his lips so harshly against your clit— his moan sending a vibration straight through you.

“Faster, with your fingers—“ you choke out, curling your toes and feeling him do exactly as you say. 

There, you release with his fingers plunging in and out of you, the wet sound of your pussy only sounding more messy by the time you begin to release. In the midst of it all, you feel him pull his lips from your clit and lick around his fingers before coming back up and continuing his ministrations, working you through an orgasm you’re not even sure he knows you’re having right now.

Strings of curses, little tugs against his hair, legs shaking, all of it happens at once until the feeling of his fingers become sensitive inside of you, until his tongue is flicking a bundle of nerves begging to be left alone. 

You swat him away with a smile, leaning up quickly and grabbing him by the shirt. 

He doesn’t really know what the fuck is going on but he laughs with you, being pulled to his feet and falling onto the bed on top of you. You can feel his length in his pants, so fucking hard, probably leaking and feeling quite neglected.

“Did you…?” He asks softly.

You smile at him, leaning up to kiss him square on the mouth before you flip him over and get between his legs. 

“I did,” You laugh in a daze, starting to work on his button and zipper. You’re reeling from the recent orgasm and wanting nothing more than to let him feel the same way you do right now. “And now, you’re gonna finally get a full blow job.”

He chokes out a nervous laugh, holding your hand in place from pulling his pants down.

“Unless, you don’t want that?” You ask, tilting your head with a bit of a frown.

“No, no! It’s not that!” He reassures you, cheeks flushing more than they already were. “It’s just that like, what if I don’t last very long? I’m kind of sensitive.”

His eyes avoid yours when he says it and once again, most adorable man award goes to fucking Soonyoung.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing?” You lean forward, kissing him again. “You just gave me some of the best head in my life.”

The light in his eyes return and instantly he’s flashing a nervous smile at you. 

“Hoshi, I’ve never gotten off that fast from being eaten out.” You reassure him again, making a point to use his nickname. “If you don’t get off from me sucking your cock, I might actually cry.” 

Well, he can’t have that now, can he? 

He releases your grip on his jeans, allowing you to pull them down. For some reason unable to look at you despite knowing you’ve seen him jerk off before. It’s the fact that like, what if it’s suddenly not big enough? What if his cock is ugly or curved in a way you don’t like?

Before he can even start to doubt himself more, he feels your lips on the tip and instantly his eyes are looking down at you. You’re the one smiling now, using one hand to hold his base and the other hand already scooping up his balls for added pleasure. 

You make a point to look him in the eye as you let the saliva collect in your mouth. There, you let it fall from the tip of your tongue, all the way until you feel the wetness against your fingers wrapped around his base. 

He thinks he’s going to go fucking insane watching you like this, and god, does he. You don’t even show him your struggle of taking in the sheer size of him. Lowering your mouth until you’re taking in as much as you can. You try to keep eye contact up until you have to close your eyes. 

It’s not shocking that by the point you get half of his length into your mouth, he’s fucking up without full intention and letting out a choked apology. Still, you try to force your stretched lips to smile for him, even through the gag, through the harsh feeling of his cock hitting your throat. 

How the fuck has a cock this good not been worshiped before? By a mouth? A hand? A pussy? You’ll be damned not to choke on it. You’d rather eat glass than to let him leave this apartment without being completely emptied and praised for every drop. 

He’s actually struggling already not to come, holding himself back but failing each time his hips chase the warmth of your throat. Each time you gag, it stimulates the fuck out of him and he nearly wants to cry each time it happens. Even with that other girl who went down on him, she didn’t even attempt to fit this much in her mouth. Most of the pleasure came from her hand jerking him off while she suckled against his head, but you. You’re down there, slipping your mouth up and down on his length, gagging, tearing up, and still fucking smiling about it. 

Once again, he’s in love.

He holds his hands back at least, keeping them against your sheets and gripping them so hard that he fears he’s ripping through them. Everything feels hot, you look hot, you sound hot, your tongue still manages to move against the base of his cock with what little room it does have, and god– your other hand, massaging his balls. 

“Wait, wait wait–” Soonyoung groans, fucking his hips into your mouth once again until you pull off with a concerned look. 

“Were my teeth hurting you?” You ask, gasping a bit for air.

“No, i was just getting really close.”

“Hm?” You sigh in disappointment, this time going all in at once and not letting yourself stop until he’s releasing into your mouth. 

You feel his shaking fingers brush your cheek when you do it, hollowing it out just to fit more, more, more into your mouth before lapping your tongue against his base again. 

His groaning turns into frantic moans, his hips jerking wildly, unable to escape the clenching muscles of your gagging throat, and he’s honestly in heaven once again. 

Never in his life has he felt an orgasm so satisfying. His fingers go numb when he releases, pumping himself deep into your throat and not stopping until he’s dizzy. The fact that you kept your mouth on him through it, the fact that he could still feel you gagging, swallowing, and moaning all at once through it–how?

“How–” he takes a breath, pulling you off of him so you can breathe. “How did you do that?”

You shrug with a confident smile, wiping your tears and crawling up to meet his face. 

“I don’t normally do that for guys.” You say with a rasp in your voice, “I certainly don’t just swallow for anyone.”

He feels special, and fucking spent but god does he want to keep going. His softening cock twitching in a relieving way, probably glad to have finally been touched by something other than his own hand. Part of him wonders if you’re done though, because by now you’ve both gotten off and usually that’s the end goal, right?

But he hasn’t lost his virginity yet, and when he looks at you hovering above him, he already knows you’re not done with him. 

“We need to let you rest until you can get hard again,” You say, kissing him more easily than before. Letting him taste himself, letting you taste yourself mixed with him. “What’s something you wanna do to get you back into the game?”

He sighs out a laugh, fucking amazed that you’re his first. How lucky is that? He thinks hard, watching the way you lift your shirt off of yourself. God, he forgot tits existed for a solid part of this day and that’s a shame because instantly his sensitive cock throbs at the image of them coming into view. 

You watch him stare, trailing your hands down and lifting his shirt off of him as well. 

“I don’t even know at this point.” He admits, ignoring the fact that his hair is definitely sticking up all over from you taking his shirt off of him.

“I’ll just love on you while you think, then.”

He gives a short nod, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside at the way your gentle hands caress his chest and abs before you start kissing against it.

He relaxes his body, feeling your hands and lips on him. You were right when you said you’d love on him as he thinks about it. The hard part of it is actually thinking about what’s going to get him harder the fastest. You doing this could be enough, but your tits. And fuck, your pussy.

He lets out a whine, one that feels entirely out of character and it causes you to pause your gentle kiss against his nipple and pull back.

“Already?” 

He shakes his head, staring straight at your chest and then down to what's between your legs. 

“I want to, um, eat you out again…”

That’s new. Twice in one session? You’re not going to turn that down. 

“Oh yeah? Did that get you going?”

You receive a small nod from him before his hands are reaching out for your tits and warming them up. 

You relax into the feeling of his fingers on your chest only for a moment before you pull back again, this time adjusting yourself onto the bed face down, ass up. Might as well try a bunch of different positions for him too, right?

“Whenever you’re ready.” You sigh, already grabbing a pillow to hug through this. 

You can feel the bed shift behind you, the weight of his body dipping right behind you before you feel his warm breath against your core. Only now do you realize that you already missed the way he ate you out the first time, you can barely contain yourself knowing he’s going to do it again. 

His hands snake between your legs before his lips get any closer, spreading them before pulling his hand back up and spreading your pussy open with his fingers on his own this time. 

“You have the prettiest pussy.” He says in a clear and calm voice, watching the way your hole pulses at the air that hits it. “And I've watched a lot of porn.”

You’d tell him to shut up, but you’re not gonna because it’s cute how forward he is with his thoughts. If anything, he’s treating you right now by doing this, so he can say whatever he fucking wants right now. 

“Eat it then.” you try to urge him, and he does just that. 

You do your best to contain any rising orgasm, solely because you don’t want to spend yourself before you actually let him inside of you in full. But goddamn, he’s just as eager now as he was the first time…if not more. 

He thinks back to the things he did before, mimicking that and hitting all of the perfect spots without fail. Still, you hold back, pushing and pulling yourself away and toward him. He eventually holds you in place against him, licking you deeper than you’ve ever been licked before. It’s a different kind of sensation, and the way he groans into it is entirely too much for you right now. 

You need more, you want more. You want all of him by now, so aroused by every touch, breath, and moan that it’s becoming unbearable to just be eaten out. The thought that he’s doing this to get himself hard is flooring, and the feeling of his fingers replacing his tongue much like before is intense. 

After just that one time, he knows exactly how to make you come this way and it’s dangerously attractive to realize that. He goes straight for it too, pulling back to watch his fingers slip into you up to the knuckle. 

Given, he can’t reach your clit with his mouth this time so he thinks hard about how to fix this little dilemma and you’re floored even more by the fact that he solves problems without questioning. You feel his fingers leave you and land on your clit, and right then you feel his tongue again, just as deep, licking into you and all over you. 

He’s really going to not let you hold it in, he’s going to have you fucking unravelling again and it’s too good. Thankfully, when you try to lift to look behind yourself, you take note of his other hand working himself. 

He’s hard again, and god knows how long he’s been doing that. 

You pull your body away from him, his protesting moan doing nothing but heating your body up more when you flip over and watch him. 

“You were really just going to get me off again and not try to fuck me yet?”

He looks down at himself and then back at you, smiling and running his hand through his hair. 

“I like doing it, I wanted to see if I could make you–”

“You absolutely could have but I’m going to be honest,” You start, interrupting him and pulling yourself up to crawl over him. “I need more now, and if you’re ready, I’d like to live up to my promise.”

His eyes are much sharper than they were before when you say those words. This is actually it. He would have been perfectly happy just eating you out, getting head himself, or whatever. Over and over again. Any and all of it is better than being in his room alone, but you’re really–

“Promise?” He asks, knowing full well what it was. 

“Lay back, get comfortable,” You instruct, scooting up the bed with him, keeping yourself planted on his legs despite the discomfort. “You still want me to ride you, right?”

He nods almost frantically, landing his hands on your tits without hesitation and groping them in a blatant show of how ready he’s managed to get himself for this. 

Not that you want to rush, but you’re so fucking turned on by this point, the only thing you want is to be filled by him. His cock likely bigger than any you’ve taken before, and to be fair, you don’t even care if you’re the desperate one at this point. You’ve almost forgotten he’s a virgin.

“Wait,” He stops you when you slide over his cock, bare pussy coating his length in a languid grind. “Oh, fuck, wait- no, do that again.” 

You smile at his frantic thoughts pouring from his lips, sliding against him again, and again, up until he’s leaning forward and attaching his lips to one of your nipples and suckling against it hard. 

You groan as you grind, feeling the head of his now, fully hard, cock bumping against your previously stimulated clit. He groans with you, almost at the exact same time but continues to try and leave his mark on you. In love with finally getting your tits in his mouth, your pussy on his cock, and most of all, in love with the fact that you’re not laughing at him for any of it. You seem to melt into it much like he does and he can’t help but want to email the creator of that fucking app and personally thank them for this. 

You rub yourself against him until it’s even more unbearable than before. By now, you’ve completely soaked his length and he’s completely soaked your chest in saliva and tiny swollen bite marks. Not that you mind the biting, he did it and you didn’t stop him.

“Are you ready?” You finally sigh out, deliberately grinding against him slowly now, with almost your entire weight behind the grinds. 

He groans out a “please” before immediately gripping your hips and stopping you. Pulling his head back so hard and so quickly– he kind of forgot to unlatch from your nipple and it sends a sharp pain throughout your body, one that only makes you want to ride him hard. Right now. 

“Hold on, there’s a condom in the pocket of my jeans–”

“Okay, and?” You laugh, sliding forward again and grinding your clit against him. “I’m on birth control, and I’m clean.” 

He looks at you, his sharp eyes falling back into the sparkling doe eyes as his mouth falls open at the very idea that he gets to hit it fucking raw for the first time? 

“Unless you’re lying, and you’re not really a virgin?”

He’s quick to silence your doubt. He’s 100% never had his cock inside of anything other than his own palm and– malfunction. He’s blank again, staring up at you and wincing at the feeling of you pleasuring yourself on top of him. 

“Please?” He manages to get out, gripping your hips so tightly by now that he’s sure it’s hurting you. 

You smile, humming at him when you lift from his length, standing on your knees to grab at his and position him in the right place. 

“You sure you’re ready for this?” You ask, only now realizing that you’re genuinely about to take a man’s virginity, and it’s only fair that you give him one last time to decide if he wants you to take it from him. Despite how turned on you are, and regardless of how badly you want to fuck him, it’s not right to just do it without making him really think about it. 

“Fuck, yes. Just do it already.” 

You can’t help but smile at him when you do. Lowering yourself slowly on him and feeling the stretch of it. His face is something that you don’t think you’ll ever forget. He appears to be lost in it, eyes rolling back, his chest heaving, his teeth showing through a half-smile as he moans out at the sensation. 

He can’t get over how warm it is inside of you, the constant clenching of your pussy dragging along his entire length. He can’t help it when he moans, he doesn’t care that his voice cracks, or that it sounds like a pathetic sob. 

By the time you bottom out and sit like that for a moment, you almost feel like he’s the one who needs to adjust. Of course, you’re needing this moment to adjust too but god– just watching him made you that much more wet and it’s insane how into him you are right now. As if you haven’t been since you started talking to him.

“Feels good?” You ask, involuntary clenching around his size, letting out a small sigh yourself at the feeling of his leaking cock inside of you. 

He hums at you and then takes in a deep breath before fully opening his eyes again and looking at you. Technically, he’s no longer a virgin now. It’s fucking happening, and you’re hot? So hot? You feel so good? You smell so good. You sound so fucking good. 

Everything is overwhelmingly good, all he can do now is press his hips up and instantly moan out at the feeling. 

You take that as an invitation to absolutely obliterate him, much like you knew you would. So, you do. Lifting yourself up and sliding him almost entirely out of you before sinking down again. 

His hands shoot to your waist, then he lifts slightly to grab your ass from behind you, and then he flops himself back– seemingly unable to know what the fuck to do with himself at this feeling. 

You opt to grab his hands, intertwining your fingers with his and holding them above his head, all so you can lay chest to chest with him, lips right at his neck. You start kissing, riding him so smoothly and doing nothing but listening to his little sounds that he tries to keep inside. 

“You’re really cute, you know that?” You whisper against his ear, kissing there too before pulling back to look at his face.

That half-smile never leaves his face, and his fingers squeeze against yours so tightly that you actually start to worry that he may break them. Thankfully, he begins to relax after a few minutes. Adjusting to the overwhelming pleasure and now losing himself to the arousal rather than fighting it. 

You nearly squeak when you feel him release your hands and grab your face, pulling you up to him as he kisses you mindlessly. Breathlessly, moaning into your mouth all while moving his own hips now. You can feel him jerk his hips, imagining how he fucked his hand through facetime. This is better than that.

You prop to stand up on your knees, offering him the space to fuck you as hard as he’d like, and god. It’s hard. It’s deep, and it’s so clumsy. No rhythm, no thought behind it at all, you can fucking tell he’s purely running on adrenaline as he plunges into you. 

He’s actually going so hard, that your moans sound more pained than pleasurable, but that’s not the case at all. You actually can’t stop moaning, it’s just the fact that each time he slams into you, your throat lets out a broken sound. 

For a moment, you think you can actually hear him purr, or maybe growl against your slack lips as he does it. Already he’s lasted longer than you thought he would, especially without a condom, and you’re so fucking impressed by it. 

You slide your hand between your bodies, easily rubbing your own clit and drying out your throat even more with the consistent loud moans of how good he’s doing. After a few moments though, his hips stutter and you take that as a sign that you should take over again.

“I don’t know how the fuck you’re doing this to me,” You laugh out of pity for yourself, “I really thought I could last longer than this.”

He barely hears you through his ringing ears and rapid heartbeat, but he chuckles at the compliment. Feeling like he must be doing something right to have a woman say that to him. There’s one issue. He’s about two thrusts from coming again and he will be damned to ruin this for you. 

You take over, riding him harshly and rubbing your clit even harder. He takes a moment to try and distract himself from how good your pussy feels clenching him and takes it upon himself to bite down hard against his tongue. Something to hurt enough to keep his orgasm from bubbling over, but also not something so awful that he’d lose his arousal entirely. 

You continue, pushing yourself back up from him and watching the way he tries to focus on anything but what’s happening. You ride deliberately to get him off though, knowing that the second he does, you’ll let yourself go too. He doesn’t seem to be picking up the hints. 

“Are you close?” You ask, out of breath and riding him so consistently that it’s becoming more and more difficult to hold your own orgasm. “Let it go, come with me–”

Instantly, you hear him whimper out a moan as he releases the bite on his tongue. Shooting himself forward and hugging you so tightly that the pressure of your fingers against your clit is entirely unbearable. 

“Oh, shit. Wait– i’m–” You start, moaning against his hair as he hugs against you.

He’s so fucking relieved, already releasing into you as you say those words. All he can do is breathe through it, feeling your pussy come around him as he continues to empty himself into you. 

It’s entirely too intense, his ears popping and heart threatening to send him to a hospital. Never did he think having sex was this intense. 

Little does he know… it’s not. But even you, for some reason, find yourself wondering why the fuck that was so good. 

By the time you pull yourself off of him, both of you wincing and trying to ignore the mixture of cum running down your legs, all you can do is look at him with curiosity. 

He can barely open his eyes to look back at you, but he tries, he really does. 

~

He’s not going home tonight. Of course he’s not. Like, how fucking rude would it be to take his virginity and send him on his way? Absolutely the fuck not.

In fact, you made him some food, wobbling on spent legs throughout the kitchen as he lays on his death bed in your room. (Not literally, both of you are just dramatic.)

All he can do is listen to the sounds of you in the other room and think hard about how he just felt. Physically, it was a lot. Surely if sex is like that all the time, he’d rather not do it as often as Seungcheol does. Honestly, his sanity would be at stake. 

But like, you’re kind of amazing. Given, the two of you barely know each other past lame texts and bullying each other. Physically, you know him more than any other women and that’s a block he didn’t think would be an issue until it became one.

You made him come twice. And he thinks you did too, unless you’re lying just to make him feel better. There’s no way you didn’t feel the intensity of that though. There’s no way your wobbling legs were lying to him when you got up and told him you wanted to have a snack before bed.

There’s no way you would let him sleep over if you didn’t feel the same way he does right now.

And by the time you’re back, handing him a plate of food, he can’t help but believe that nothing will ever taste as good as you.

The thing is, that’s one of the main reasons you did this. To be praised, to have a man think you’d be the best he will ever have until he eventually meets someone else and they do better than you did. Now though, you feel weird. 

This is a one night stand. A charity-fuck, as it still stands at least. 

“So,” You start, taking a bite of your food still as naked as can be regardless of how stupid it must look to be eating in a come-soaked bed like this. “I guess you should change your bio in the app now.”

He looks at you, and then at his food.

“Yeah, I guess I should…” 

“I’ll help you fix your age on it. Now that you know what you’re doing with a woman and all.”

It’s silent for a minute.

“Is it too forward if I say that I’d rather just delete the app and keep calling you?”

Thank fuck Soonyoung is forward and embarrassing with it. You’re not ready to give up the single life but on the other hand, after that, you’re not exactly ready to share him with other women just yet. If he wants to attach himself for a while, you’re going to let him. Purely because, like, look at him. Everything is endearing, and when he’s not being adorable he’s just being fucking hot.

You nod with a smile, wondering if he expects you to delete the app too. Because you’re not so sure about that, but also you think you probably would if he asks with those stupid doe eyes. 

Strangely enough, he doesn’t even ask. He just starts eating the food with a content look on his face. Sweat having dried up but left his hair a mess, his skin is glowing– you think…oh no. Why are you looking at him like this?

“Hey, I should probably call Vernon and tell him not to come home until late tomorrow or something.”

Soonyoung nods, lifting his eyes to you and watching you take your phone out. 

“I should call my friend too, he told me to let him know when I get my cherry popped.”

You snort at him with a laugh right as Vernon answers the phone, and honestly, you’d rather listen to Soonyoung’s friend than Vernon whining about having to spend even more time with his overbearing parents. 

“Hey Vernon, don’t come home 'til I call you tomorrow, bye.” You say quickly before hanging up. 

Instantly you’re setting your plate on your table and launching yourself at Soonyoung and his phone. 

“Put him on speaker.”

#soonyoung smut #hoshi smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #hoshi x reader #svt fic #hoshi fic #soonyoung fic #kwon soonyoung smut

[wannabeschyulersister]

crazy

*takes place in season 4 but doesn’t actually have spoilers. gif is not mine. credit to owner.*

“Crazy, isn’t it?” Steve said softly beside you.

“What?”

He gestured his hands around, “All of this. It’s crazy. Just when you think it’s all over and we can live normal lives, we are thrown right back in.”

The others around the two of you were fast asleep. You were down in Mike Wheeler’s basement keeping watch over Max.

“It’s been a crazy couple of years indeed.” You agreed. All of the crazy shit that the group had went through should’ve aged someone by like a hundred years. Sometimes when you let yourself reflect on stuff, you didn’t know how you were able to process everything.

Steve scooted closer to you, “I’m worried about Max. I’m worried about everything and everyone. Especially you.”

You looked up to see that he was already staring at you.

“Dustin told me that he thinks I swing that special bat of yours better than you do. So, I don’t think you have to worry about me.” You told him playfully.

Steve rolled his eyes, “Of course Henderson told you that.” Dustin was sleeping not too far away from the both of you and Steve nudged his foot. The kid stirred a little before falling back to sleep.

You grabbed Steve’s hand and laced your fingers together. He brought your joint hands up to his lips and kissed your knuckles softly once. He always did that when you held hands. It made your heart do a flip in your chest every time.

“I don’t want you to worry too much,” you said, “I heard it could lead to premature balding.”

Steve froze, “Are you serious?”

You laughed a little, being mindful of your sleeping friends around you, “I’m joking.”

Steve nudged your with his shoulder, “Not funny.”

“I wish I could’ve taken a picture of your face.”

“I’m being serious though. I can’t-“ Steve took a deep breath, “I can’t lose you. I’d go absolutely mental if I lost you.”

“You’re not going to lose me, Steve. I plan on annoying you for many, many years to come.” You smiled and he did too just by the sight of yours. You had a way of easing Steve’s worries so simply.

“If things get too bad—“

You cut him off, “Then we will face it together. I’m not going to let you try and fight whatever monster we are facing by yourself.”

“You don’t think I could handle it?”

“Must I remind you how you willingly made yourself bait for that damn demodog?”

“You never let me live that down.” Steve mumbled.

“And I don’t plan on it for a long time”.

Steve leaned over and kissed your temple, “I love you.”

“I love you. Now, get some sleep. I’ll watch over Max for a while.” You weren’t tired in the slightest. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, would become very cranky if he didn’t get at least five hours of beauty sleep.

“Are you sure?”

You nodded, “Yes, I’ll wake you when I’m ready to nap.”

Steve adjusted his body so that he could lie his head on your lap. Your hands went to his hair and ran your fingers through it. You were the only person on the planet that he would let touch his hair. You were honored.

You didn’t know what lied in store for you, Steve, or the rest of your friends in the next coming days. As much as you tried to appear strong, you were just as worried as Steve was. However, it made things bearable to know you had someone that had your back always.

“You’re the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me, (Y/n).” Steve said.

“Ditto, Harrington.”

#Steve Harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington one shot #steve harrington #stranger things x reader #Steve harrington x y/n

[sleepingdeath-light]

TOH WITH A IMMORTAL READER!

Okay so this wasn’t a specific request or anything so I’m just going to answer here with how I think each character would cope with having an immortal significant other. This got very long as I included basically everyone that’s on my masterlist… oops!

Also, to reiterate, these are just my thoughts so they’re very biased towards how I interpret the characters — and your relationship with the characters can be romantic or queer-platonic or similar depending on your preference!

Thoughts below the cut!

Adrian Graye-Vernworth

doesn’t even remotely believe you at first and will probably assume you’re joking. but once he does recognise your honesty then he’ll probably have something of a breakdown for a while and step back from your relationship — equal parts jealous of the life you’ve lived and horrified at the idea of just being a blip on the radar of your infinite life. it’s 50/50 whether this is a dealbreaker for him and he’ll either slowly inch back into your relationship or just break up with you because of the stress.

Alador Blight

alador is mostly neutral to your immortality when it comes to your relationship. like he’ll call on you for a second opinion when he’s working on something and will draw on your experience to further help his fellow witches — but he doesn’t really think about it any beyond that. though he does sometimes worry about you and how you’ll cope when he’s gone (because he knows that losing you would break him).

Amity Blight

when you tell her it’s quite the shock to the system and she doesn’t really know what to say or how to react. she’ll freeze up and you can see her thinking as she considers her response before she finally squeezes your hands and thanks you for telling her. she’d want to stay with you and wouldn’t want to break up, but she’d definitely have a few crises over the fact that you’ve lived so long before her and you will live so long after — but she also finds a small bit of comfort in the idea that she’ll never have to live without you.

Belos / Philip Wittebane

he’s been alive for far longer than he ever should have been because of his mission, so the idea of immortal entities isn’t difficult for him to believe. so upon finding out about your condition, he’s amazed but not necessarily startled by it — asking you about your origins and if there are more beings like you out there. if he truly cares about you, he’ll stick by you for as long as he’s able to keep his form stable — but if he doesn’t then he’ll just use you to find a way to complete his goal and lengthen his life further.

Boscha

boscha is someone else who wouldn’t believe you when you told her — going from genuine disbelief to shaky doubt to outright terrified denial and then through the stages of grief as she comes to terms with your condition. as sad as it sounds, this would probably end up being a deal breaker and would end your relationship as she would struggle too much with your past and future to be with you beyond that.

Camila Noceda

she doesn’t believe you at first, thinking that you’re just older than her as she’s seen some strange things but immortality is just so far beyond that. it takes her some time to come to terms with this but you do end up bonding over the losses you’ve experienced throughout your lives — you, your various lovers and friends, and her, luz’s father. she insists on learning your native language and teaching you hers so that you have an experience to remember her by.

Collector

having an immortal significant other would be the best case scenario for collector given his own life span. they wouldn’t have to worry about losing you prematurely and you’d be able to understand the issues he’s faced throughout their long life — whilst also having all the time in the world to grow with him and together as a couple. so they would be hopeful to have a spouse with this trait.

Darius Deamonne

this wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for darius but he would have a serious, long conversation about where you both stand and how your experiences would impact your relationship. he wouldn’t necessarily ask about your past relationships but he would be curious about older ages of magic on the isles and how other realms function — and especially how that can help the rebellion against belos.

Eberwolf

they’re pretty chill about the whole thing, honestly — like it rarely ever comes up in conversation so there’s no real impact on your relationship. you two just continue vibing together and spending the time you have wisely (by having fun) without the stresses such a realisation often bring. really they’re the best person you could have told — they only bring it up once or maybe twice and it’s only to make fun of you (lovingly, of course).

Eda Clawthorne

your immortality means that you have more knowledge of the world before belos and, thus, wild magic and magic as a whole. this means that eda will be looking to you to learn more about the owl beast, the history of those like her and if you ever came to know others with similar curses. she’d also insist on you teaching her about the people you loved and she’ll happily talk about raine (she’s far from the jealous type, but she is something of a gossip). she doesn’t care about making scrapbooks or taking pictures and prefers living in the moment with you and your family — living in the ‘doing’ world rather than focusing on capturing every little thing. you’ll look back on this with king and fleetingly wish you had more pictures, but the memory of her laugh and smile is tangible enough that neither of you feel like you’re missing out on too much.

Edric Blight

he will probably have something of an existential crisis about his own mortality when you tell him and would insist on finding a way to make himself live as long as you do. he starts comparing himself to the people you loved and lost and you’ll end up having to talk him into getting some help for it. your relationship will be permanently changed by this, but you will grow and heal with time — it’s just such a shock for him that he takes a bit of a mental health wobble whilst he comes to terms with it.

Emira Blight

em tends to bottle up her feelings a lot and will initially come off as very accepting and calm about the whole thing — but make no mistake this poor woman is one mislabelled jar of seasoning away from a breakdown. she’s now very aware of her own mortality and that she’s one of the probably dozens you’ve loved and lost and she’s absolutely terrified of being forgotten and lost to the sands of time. she’ll insist on keeping thorough, reliable records of your time together and by the time she’s old and you’re young you’ll be spending your last days together looking over them and laughing and crying and holding each other — finally ready to say goodbye.

Gus Porter

he will bombard you with questions about your life nonstop. did you ever live in the human realm? how has it changed? how has the boiling isles changed? there’s so much he wants to know and he has all the time in the world to listen to you talk — and he will note down everything you say and look at you with complete interest. so yeah he’ll still love you just as much as before, he’s just very nosy and eager to learn.

Hunter Wittebane

hunter is someone that would likely have a few hang-ups regarding true- and pseudo- immortality given his status as a clone/grimwalker. he’d have to do a lot of thinking regarding your relationship once he found out and a lot of serious conversations would be had about his natural lifespan compared to yours. in the end you would stay together and he’d be with you for a significant period of it (a few hundred years given him being similar to palismen) with him insisting that you don’t bring him back once he’s gone.

Lilith Clawthorne

she’d be absolutely entranced by your condition and would start fangirling over everything you must have experienced. you’ll end up getting interviewed and documented in every way possible as she asks about your history in and beyond the isles. though she might spend a bit more time on the deadwardian period than anything else (she’s biased, okay!).

Luz Noceda

luz would be amazed with you and would be eager to learn your story — as well as just about everything about you. she wants to learn your native language and hear about the cultures and people you knew throughout the years, especially if it involves some form of magic. she does, however, insist on making lots of memories with you and recording them so you never forget her.

Mattholomule

another one that doesn’t believe you but in mattholomule’s case he never ends up believing you. in his mind you’re just making a weird joke and there comes a point where you just stop trying to correct him and just live your life out with him — watching him grow old and grey whilst you remain the same. it’s on his death bed when he finally realises, but the life you shared was full of laughter and love so neither of you find it in yourselves to complain.

Odalia Blight

she is the type to use your status to her advantage which means that your relationship dynamic would inevitably shift. like she’d still care about you and be as affectionate as before, but she insists on showing you off and presenting herself as the wife of an immortal being in order to put herself above her fellow witches. you can tell her to knock it off. it will not work.

Raine Whispers

raine is heartbroken for you when they realise just how much you’ve lost throughout your life and they insist on memorialising your lost loved ones however they can. they help you write ballads for deceased lovers and learn to play songs from your home (even if their pronunciation is very shaky) because they care so deeply about you. they don’t talk about their concerns often, but they do ask that you remember them — and they leave you plenty of songs behind to do so.

Steve

as he’s quite possibly the most chilled out person in the boiling isles, steve doesn’t really care about the fact that you’re immortal. like when you tell him he’ll ask you a few questions about yourself and your past, but otherwise your relationship will stay the same and he’ll keep on keeping on. might expect the occasional cool story from your past, though, when you’ve both been drinking some apple blood.

Terra Snapdragon

she will most likely treat this as an opportunity to gain more power through your relationship. like she does care for you as you are her spouse at the end of the day, but she’s also incredibly power-hungry and having a partner who is immortal and has more experience than basically every other living entity is the ideal opportunity for her to get what she wants. so she definitely wouldn’t leave you, but the dynamic between the two of you would definitely change.

Viney

this wouldn’t be the end of your relationship but it would change a lot. viney insists on the two of you continuing to live in the moment together, focusing on making lasting memories doing things that you both love so that you never forget her. that means frequent fun dates, time spent teaching as a team, helping everyone you can and just spending time together doing what you love and having as much fun as you can whilst doing so.

Willow Park

willow is shocked by the revelation of your immortality but she doesn’t make too much of a big deal of it. like she will sit down with you and discuss anything you want to talk about, but generally your relationship remains unchanged. the only change is that she starts writing letters for you and hiding them — wanting to leave something behind for you once she’s gone.

#sleepingdeath #gender neutral reader #immortal reader #toh x reader #the owl house x reader #adrian graye vernworth x reader #amity blight x reader #belos x reader #eda clawthorne x reader #edric blight x reader #emira blight x reader #alador blight x reader #odalia blight x reader #darius deamonne x reader #terra snapdragon x reader #lilith clawthorne x reader #eberwolf x reader #willow park x reader #hunter wittebane x reader #luz noceda x reader #camila noceda x reader #toh collector x reader #toh gus x reader #toh mattholomule x reader #raine whispers x reader #toh viney x reader #toh boscha x reader #toh steve x reader

[babytarttdoodoo]

kind of a rouge prompt idea but “i just told a story at work about my childhood that i thought was really funny but now everyone is super quiet and someone said i’m so sorry” but it’s jamie + the team edition. like he talks about a traumatising James Thing and has no idea how horrifying it is until they’re all like …… wtf

love your writing! <3

Thanks for the prompt (and the lovely compliment)!

I’ll preface this by saying I have next to no knowledge of dentistry and you should not assume any medical assertions made here are correct.

((I also feel like I should add that I finished this one off while more than a little tipsy.))

Enjoy the himbo chaos.

(Prompt Fill Masterpost)

—

“Ay, dios mio, it was terrifying.” Dani put an emphatic hand to his chest. “Earl. He still haunts me.”

“Thought you were over that, bruv.” Isaac frowned up at him from his usual spot on the locker bench.

“On the pitch, yes. But at night…” Dani shook his head mournfully. “I have dreams of being chased in the dark. I know it is him.”

“I used to have dreams like that.” Colin piped up, pausing in tying his laces and looking haunted. “‘Cept it was my nana chasing me, on her mobility scooter.”

A few people sniggered and Isaac clapped Colin’s shoulder. “That’s fucked up.”

“I never remember my dreams,” Sam mused. “But I have always been a very deep sleeper. My father says I was the envy of all other parents when I was a baby.”

“I have only ever had one nightmare.” Richard declared. “All of my beautiful little teeth fell out of my mouth and I was ugly. Who will kiss me if I have no teeth?”

“Who’s losing teeth?” Jamie asked, joining the conversation from the doorway with a furrowed brow.

“We are discussing nightmares,” Jan explained matter-of-factly, then turned back to Richard. “Dreams about losing teeth are commonly attributed to stress.”

Jamie shook his head, still looking confused.

“Nah, don’t get that one, mate. Your dentist can just stick ‘em right back in, can’t they?”

That sparked a round of horrified protests and Jamie flapped his hands like a conductor to quiet the rabble.

“Eh, eh, I’m right!”

“Actually…” Sam held up his phone, open on an NHS webpage. “Jamie is correct.”

The locker room erupted into disgust and outrage while Jamie grinned smugly and tipped his I,COG cap to Sam for the assist.

“Hold on, how did you know that?” Isaac demanded, staring at Jamie like he had two heads. That quietened the team a little as heads swivelled in Jamie’s direction.

“Knocked two of ‘em out when I were, like, 10.” He shrugged and tapped a fingernail against one of his front teeth in demonstration. “Mum’s friend were a dental nurse. Told her to put them in some milk and take me to hospital.”

“You were very lucky.” Sam commented, still scrolling through the information he had found. “A significant gap in your teeth can lead to premature ageing.”

“And what a tragedy that would have been, eh?” Jamie beamed, gesturing to his face. “To think I might have deprived the world of this top tier mug.”

Other players groaned and laughed, a few tossing socks or discarded shirts in Jamie’s direction while he ducked, sniggering.

“How do you know they gave you your real teeth back?” Bumbercatch questioned, with an air that suggested great suspicion of the dentistry profession as a whole.

Jamie considered that. “Fair point,” he conceded. “They feel like mine, though.”

“Wait, how do you even manage to lose two teeth at once?” Colin interjected, muffled by his fingers as he prodded his own mouth in confusion. “I’ve never lost any after my baby teeth.”

“Took a snooker cue to the face.” The team winced as a collective and Jamie nodded sagely. “Were pretty grim. Blood all over the pub floor and everything.”

“You were 10?” Thierry clarified, face scrunched up. “Do kids normally get into bar fights here?”

“Well, yeah, s’pose not.” Jamie shuffled in place, suddenly looking a bit uncomfortable. “Weren’t a fight so much. Dad took me in to watch a match and it all kicked off a bit.”

An uneasy quiet overtook the general hubbub and more than one face went stony at that revelation.

“Mate.” Jeff looked like he’d rather not be the one probing further, but had bitten the bullet anyway. “Your, uh, your dad wasn’t the one with the pool cue, was he?”

“Eh…” Jamie glanced around the room before answering. “Well, yeah. He was. But I’m, like, 90% sure it were an accident.”

Chaos detonated like a bomb.

Isaac and Richard jumped to their feet, one cursing in French, the other demanding to know how long it would take to get to Manchester. Colin seemed to be googling train times.

Dani had taken to rifling through his bag, looking for god knows what, and Thierry was strapping on his mask like it was war paint (he didn’t even need it anymore, he just liked looking scary).

Jan was a terrifyingly silent pillar in the middle of the storm and Sam… Well, Sam looked like he had been gutted.

“OI!” Roy’s bellow commanded immediate silence, players freezing mid-shout. He was framed by the door to the coaches’ office, arms crossed and typical glare set in place. “What the fuck is going on out here?”

“Close ranks!” Jamie all but squeaked, invoking a hallowed, sacred vow from the team to collectively shut the fuck up.

All eyes turned to Issac who, as captain, had the final say.

On balance, he decided it was probably best that their new manager didn’t get arrested for murder before the season even got underway.

“Agreed.” he finally acquiesced and the whole room affirmed their compliance sullenly. It just wasn’t worth the forfeit to cave in under Roy’s (very effective) glare.

“... right then.” Roy finally allowed, still looking at them all suspiciously. “Then get out on the pitch and stop wasting our time.”

Everyone clamoured towards the tunnel, eager to escape the intense atmosphere. All except Jamie, who was still hurriedly pulling on his kit.

He tried not to seize up when Roy sidled over.

“You’ll tell me later.”

It wasn’t phrased as a question and Jamie knew better than to take it as one. He slumped in defeat.

“Yeah. Probably.”

#is it crack!fic or is it just afc richmond #who's to say #fic prompts #fic prompt #my fic #jamie tartt #isaac mcadoo #colin hughes #sam obisanya #moe bumbercatch #dani rojas #jan mass #jeff goodman #richard montlaur #roy kent #ted lasso #richmond himbos

[absolutebuffoonery]

PT 3 (including finale): I convinced my dad to watch merlin with me and here’s what he has to say

pt 1

pt 2

---

“They’re loving that.”

“I don’t even wanna know what they’re doing in there.”

-When Merlin and Arthur get caught in the net booby trap

-

Arthur, to Merlin: You’re the only friend I’ve got and I couldn’t bear to lose you. 

Dad: *literally gasps and gapes at me in surprise*

Merlin: Really?

Arthur: Don’t be stupid. 

Dad: *laughs hysterically*

-

*uther emerges from the veil*

“Wow, of all the dead people, he got the right guy”

-

“Was that a reference to fisting?” -the horseplay scene when Arthur threatens Merlin with his fist 

-

“Okay that was pretty gay.”

(I don’t even remember what he was talking about here, but he was right)

-

“Arthur’s unconscious again, alert the media.”

-

“I really don’t know what to make of Mordred.” 

(whenever he said something like this I had to hold in an earth-shattering screech)

-

“Okay, this son of a bitch has to die” -About Mordred, s5e12

-

“I am OBSESSED with her.” -about Gwen after she runs someone through with a sword in s5e12

(same)

-

Arthur: “Just... hold me.”

Dad: *just nods his head*

(I think he was simply acknowledging the queerness)

-

Arthur, during That scene in s5e13: I want to say something that I’ve never said to you before.

Dad: Ohh boy. 

-

His thoughts after the finale (he wrote an Official Statement for his “tumblr fandom,” including the hashtags at the end):

Well, watching Merlin was a much more satisfying experience than when my kids made me watch Glee with them. Although it was difficult at first to accept the way they bent time to accommodate Merlin and Arthur being contemporaries, I got over it because they succeeded in creating a relationship between two boys-to-men who wouldn't normally exist in each other's worlds. In actual Arthur lore, Merlin is old and wizened long before Arthur is even born. In fact, you remember in an early episode when Gaius references magic being necessary for Uther and his queen to produce a son? Well, in Arthur lore, that magic was cast by Merlin, and Merlin was present during Arthur's childhood. But ok, let's give the BBC some breathing room because they did a good job showing the generational transition from the failings of toxic masculinity (Uther's reign) to the superhuman potential of unapologetic bromance (Arthur's reign). In fact, how many times did I furrow my brow when Uther did something stupid or said something weenie just because he thought he was being strong, but he was actually being...alone. When it was Arthur's turn to do something stupid or say something weenie, he had a posse of good bros by his side to prop him up.

Even in S5E3 when Arthur gets the opportunity to see the ghost of his father and be like, "Bruh, I miss you," Uther instead treats Arthur like shit and belittles him for not being a dick to his people. Respect through fear, I believe is what the ghost Uther was preaching. But that strategy was pretty much self-defeating, given that respect through fear got Uther prematurely dead. Luckily Arthur didn't give it too much thought and decided, "Yeah, nah, I'd rather hug my droogies and marry a servant woman and be respected for doing the right thing, so biyee douchebag." In fact I'm assuming the writers created this post-mortem meeting not as merely another display of magic, but as a tangible means of showing Arthur's wrestling match with his own conscience. Even the playful and boyish banter between Arthur and Merlin (and the way they gaze at each other adoringly) is an example of Arthur's determination to part with toxic masculinity, especially when he gives Merlin the opportunity to be right sometimes without getting his chainmail hoodie in a bunch.

  This could absolutely be a lesson to voters the world over, who have the power to put real leaders in office but choose crusty old assholes instead of fresh, young minds and hearts. All the Uthers in the world are giving AOC and Sanna Marin shit for dancing. Can you believe we actually live in an era when our leaders get chided for dancing? For fucking dancing! Meanwhile AOC and Sanna Marin are attracting loyal followers in New York and Denmark, who would follow them to the ends of Camelot, while the same old self-serving ancient curmudgeons who keep getting elected are busy pulling Agravaine after Agravaine out of their bungholes. Perhaps I digress.

  Their parting from lore that is a little less acceptable is what they chose to do with Lancelot. Love triangle with Gwen and Arthur, yes, but Lancelot's BBC fate was less than satisfying. There are many tellings of how Lancelot dies, both with and because of Gwen, but the BBC opted against putting Arthur's best knight at the roundtable through most of this series. How fascinating. And weird.

Anyway, the end: Avoiding spoilers, I'd say the series ended appropriately. My 20-year-old daughter is traumatized by the ending, but I know enough about Arthur lore to know that the end is appropriate and loyal to legend. Camelot enters a new era, Merlin finally gets the respect he deserves, and a strong woman rises to power (I hope she dances). Satisfying. My parting thought: Walking away from this series, I've discovered a new career aspiration. I don't need to be king of anything, but I really want a job that allows me to say, "Ready the men, we ride at first light" without getting bullied. I mean, that's just really damn cool.

Thanks for all of your comments and responses. It's been fun. 

#Merlin #ArthurAndMerlinOTP #ToxicMasculinityVsBromance #ArthurWasPan #TristanAndIsoldSpinoff

#merlin #bbc merlin #bbc #colin morgan #bradley james #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon #merthur #merlin x arthur #gwen pendragon #mordred

[threadsun]

Anonymous Asks: "I absolutely adore your swwsdj headcannons! Could I request some headcannons for the boys with an innocent virgin reader and maybe some aftercare?"

Thanks!! You absolutely can~

ngl I can’t even remember being a virgin so like, sorry if this isn’t super authentic

Content: Loss of virginity, accidental creampie, premature ejaculation, general patheticness on Ian’s part (god I’m so into pathetic men crying in bed), mentions of sex work, stomach cumshot, corruption kink, praise, oral sex, creampie, overstimulation

Jack:

Oh he’s in his element here

Someone naïve and innocent and untouched? Fuck he’s hard just thinking about it

He’s very open and honest about it all, he appreciates good communication

And hey, he’s Jack now, and Jack’s never had sex, so he’s a virgin too! A virgin who knows exactly what he’s doing, but he’s saved himself for you!

He’s so excited for you two to lose your virginity together!

He takes it slow and gentle

If you want it to be a big romantic thing, he’ll scatter rose petals and break out the nonalcoholic wine

If you want it to be lower key, he’ll just slowly work up to it with you

He’ll make sure to check in for consent every time he touches you somewhere new or wants to try something

He takes his time with it, using his whole body to work you up and up and up, until you’re burning with desire and coiled so tight your stomach almost hurts with the need to cum

And then he’ll hold your hand, look you in the eyes, and finally work his cock into you

He’s so slow, so gentle, and he keeps you on edge as he gets you used to the feeling of being… well, fucked is such a vulgar word for it. Made love to, that’s more like it

He’s making love to you. And when the time finally comes, he’ll make sure you both reach your peak together

He wants to watch you the whole time. To see the effect he has on you, to make sure you enjoy every moment of it

And when you’re done? He holds you. He kisses you. He assures you that it was even better than he could ever have imagined

His words are so soothing, and he eases the lingering tension from your body with a gentle massage

He won’t let you go for a long while afterwards. He just wants to hold you and bask in the afterglow of your first time

Ian:

It’s his first time too. I mean, have you seen him? He’s absolutely a virgin before you

He has no idea what he’s doing. He’s seen hentai, but… that’s about it. And that’s not really a good measurement for what sex should be

So your first time is full of endearingly innocent fumbling, nervous giggling, and a lot of apologies

He’s dedicated though, you can’t fault his enthusiasm! Or his determination to make sure you’re ready before he tries to actually get inside of you

He needs a lot of reassurance that you don’t hate him, and a lot of guidance about what you do and don’t like

When he finally is satisfied that he’s not going to hurt you, he tries to figure out the best position to be in

After a bit more fumbling, he’s finally pressing his cock into you. And… fuck. He’s never been so turned on in his life

He’s panting against your neck, rolling his hips slightly as he gets used to the feeling of your tight walls around him

He cums so fast. Like two thrusts and he’s shaking as he cums inside you. He can’t help himself, he meant to pull out but you just feel so good

And he’s whimpering apologies against your neck, crying a little bit as he clings onto you

But he’s determined to make sure you cum too! He won’t be that guy who just leaves you desperate!

It takes… a while. He still doesn’t really know what he’s doing. But he does eventually help you cum!

Honestly, he needs aftercare more than you do. He’s teary eyed and flushed and half tempted to run and hide under his bed

It takes all of his courage to stay with you, clinging onto you and hiding his face in your shoulder

He needs a lot of reassurance that you don’t hate him, and he promises he’ll last longer next time, make you feel better next time!

Please, just tell him there will be a next time…

Shaun:

Oh… Oh. Wow. He’s… stunned. And pleased that you trust him with this. That you want him to be your first, of all the people you could choose

He’ll make it the most romantic night of your life. He’ll wine you and dine you first, making sure you’re relaxed and comfortable with him before your clothes are even off

And when he gets you to the bedroom and finally starts getting your clothes off? Oh he’s kissing every inch of your body

He’s nothing short of worshipful. He’ll make you feel like you’re the most incredible thing on earth

He starts with his lips, kissing over every inch of your skin

His hands follow after, memorising the way you feel under him

He checks in with you every so often, breath warm against you as he whispers a quick question

“Is this okay?”

The way he says it is so tender, so gentle… you can’t help but melt every time

Once you’re ready for him, he checks one last time that you’re sure about this. He’s so genuine and earnest, making sure you really trust him with something so big and important to you

He makes sure one last time that you’re ready for him, fingers easing you open. Once he’s sure, he takes his time to work his cock into you

He listens to each and every sound, making sure you’re not in pain or uncomfortable

He’s the most attentive lover, making love to you until you’re melted in his arms and moaning his name

There’s the occasional joke. He loves to hear you laugh and it helps relax you. But for the most part, he treats it with all the solemnity it deserves

When he finally makes you cum, it’s a deep pleasure that rolls through you. He draws it out with long, slow thrusts

He’s not concerned with his own pleasure, only yours. And he’ll gladly stop without having an orgasm if you’re done

Either way, once everything is finished, he runs a bath for both of you

He’s so gentle as he cleans you up and carries you to the bath for cuddles

He’s reassuring and sweet, chatting with you like normal so you know nothing has changed for the worse in your relationship

His love is just so evident in every single action and word

Nick:

Nick’s experiences of sex are almost entirely in BDSM contexts

So when you want him to take your virginity? Well, his first thought is negotiation

He wants to talk. To sit down, find out everything you want from the experience, share everything he wants from it, and together come to an agreement about roughly what’s going to happen

He also wants to know what your limits are, what you do and don’t like, what you do and don’t want him doing

He’ll insist on starting off vanilla. It’s your first time. He doesn’t want to overwhelm you

Besides, it’s best to start off small and figure out your dynamic before you start getting freaky with it~

He just really wants this to be an experience you enjoy and get something out of

Especially if that something is a better understanding of your own sexuality and desires

Once he’s sure he knows what you want, he goes from professional to seductive

He’ll tease you, work you up until you’re burning for him

He knows what he’s doing, he knows exactly what he’s doing

His fingers, his tongue, his lips, his words

His voice is so smooth and deep, and his praise is constant the moment he gets you under him

“You’re doing so well.”

“You’re so good.”

“Does that feel good?”

“Use your words, baby, what do you want?”

He makes you say everything aloud. Everything you want, you have to ask for explicitly

Once you’ve asked, he’s more than willing to oblige

When you’re finally ready for his cock, he helps you bend into the perfect position to take him

It’s so smooth, so easy, the way his cock slides into you and fills you perfectly

The praise doesn’t stop as he takes his time to roll his hips into you, working you up to your orgasm

It’s mind-blowing when it finally hits you, and he eases you through it with his words and hips

When you’re spent, he helps you calm down from your high

He brings you water, a snack, a blanket, and then he holds you

He asked beforehand how you’ll want to be taken care of afterwards, but he still checks in with you about what you need

Whatever you need, he’s there to give, with the same patient attention he took your virginity with

Once you’re ready, he’ll want to talk about what you did and didn’t enjoy, gathering more information for next time

Joseph:

You’re his first virgin. All of his clients had been experienced and he’s not had a proper relationship before, so this is new to him

He wants to do right by you! You’re trusting him with something huge, he needs to be worthy of that trust

He’s nervous as he takes you out for a romantic dinner. He doesn’t mention it, he keeps the conversation light and fun

When he gets you back, he starts gently. Just some cuddling, some kissing, some loving words

He lets it progress naturally, hands slipping under your clothes and lips straying across your skin

He gets you to the bedroom, laying you down and stripping you between warm kisses

He’s almost embarrassed by how skilled he is. He wishes he’d been able to save himself for you

But he’ll put those skills to good use, making your brain melt with pleasure

He wants to find out what you like, so he’ll experiment a bit with where he licks, strokes, bites… taking in all your reactions to see what you like best

He’s not gonna try to fuck you until you’re begging for him

He wants you desperate for him, more than ready to take his cock

Once he’s sure you’re ready, once you’re clinging to him, whining his name, on the verge of tears if he doesn’t fuck you…

That’s when he finally lets his cock ease into you

He fucks you into a whimpering, mewling, gasping mess

It’s all you can do to keep clinging onto him, gasping out his name when you finally cum for him

He fucks you just to the point of overstimulation before sliding out of you. He finishes on your stomach with a groan, kissing you

Then he holds you. Kisses you. Mumbles the most loving words as he yawns

He’ll just relax with you and make sure you know how loved you are

Jean:

Oh this man is so fucking smug about it

You want him to take your virginity? Say no more

He’s got a bit of a thing for innocence. A corruption kink, if you will

Something about turning you from a blushing virgin into a desperate slut for him is just so appealing

Don’t get it twisted, he’ll be sweet and gentle about it when you’re starting

He’ll hold you so close, kiss you so sweet, touch you so gently

He watches every reaction as he slowly begins to introduce you to this sort of intimacy

He wants to hear every gasp and moan, feel your thighs tense around his head and your fingers tug at his hair

When he’s finally had his fill of tasting and touching you, he lines his cock up

He wants to watch your face as he enters you for the first time

One hand holds yours, the other cups your cheek so you can’t look away from him

He takes it as slow as he can stand to, pressing into you and admiring every little reaction as he fills you

Once he’s fully inside you, he waits and watches

He enjoys every look on your face, every shift of your body under him, every little sound that comes out of your mouth

When he finally can’t stand it any more, he starts out slow. Once again, he’s enjoying watching your reactions as his cock pumps in and out of you

Once you’ve adjusted, he finally picks up the pace. He fucks you hard and fast, his only aim to blow your mind

He wants you a shaking wreck under him as you cum with his name on your lips

He finishes soon after, fucking his cum into you with a few slow thrusts before he finally pulls out

He’s not great at aftercare, but he’ll hold you at least

He’ll sigh about how good you were, how much fun he knows he’ll have with you as he shows you all the ways you can have fun~

He’s much better at fucking than aftercare

#swwsdj #something's wrong with sunny day jack #sdj jack #sdj ian #sdj shaun #sdj nick #sdj joseph #sdj jean #sunny day jack x reader #ian duff x reader #shaun durand cofer x reader #nick herraras x reader #joseph haberdae x reader #jean laurent x reader #gn!reader #18+ only #sunshine

[mrs-snape5984]

“You've got the love I need to see me through…”

“Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough and things go wrong no matter what I do. Now and then, it feels like life is just too much. (…) But I know, I can count on you!” (“You’ve got the love” by Florence + The Machine)

Clinging to a comfort character over a long period of time can bring you both: Comfort and a feeling of desperate longing…

That’s exactly how I feel about Severus. I fell head over heels for him, when I read the “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” 21 years ago. I remember that I was almost forced to read the books, which I’ve thought of being only some overhyped children’s books. Oh, how wrong I was!! The first impressions of the bitter and sarcastic potions master were enough to convince me otherwise. It felt like a recognition…enlightening my heart. “Hey! You’re just like me!!”

Severus Snape has made himself a home in my heart, that he never left since then. From the first moment, I was hopelessly devoted to this raven haired, sassy man with his adorably crooked nose and those beautiful - and yet so sad - obsidian eyes.

Trigger warning: Whoever has problems with reading about traumatic events in someone’s life, please skip the next paragraph! After that, it’s safe again.

He was with me, whenever I struggled with my life, no matter what it was. And damn….there were a whole bunch of traumatic experiences in this mess, which I’m calling my life. Abuse, divorce, too many terrible health issues and operations (resulting in a defeated addiction to opiates and morphines), disability, miscarriages, terrible high risk pregnancies with months of being bedridden at the hospital, prematurely born children…and so on…

And now, that I’m losing all my grip on my life because of this terrible disease ME/CFS (seriously, what am I? A fucking magnet for shit?!?! Hey, god!! It’s enough!! I’m already done with everything!)…Severus is the only consistency in my life. Being trapped in my dark room all the time, only to be allowed to step out to my balcony to enjoy some fresh air at night, when the world around myself remains in silence, can only be endured because of my dedication to Severus. He’s everywhere in my room…every little piece of my collection feels like a comfort blanket, being woven to grant me solace.

Commissioning art became my passion, my way of consolation. My walls are plastered with framed artwork, which all those talented artists of our beloved Snape Fandom have made for me.

This time, I commissioned something different for the first time. I found the lovely @juanasunfall-blog on Instagram. She’s creating stunning and hilarious comic strips and I absolutely adore her way of drawing our fabulous dungeon bat. I mean, look at this silver strand of hair…I’m melting!!!! 🫠

@juanasunfall-blog, you did a wonderful job with this project and I enjoyed every conversation with you. I’m grateful for your kindness and for the connection, we’ve found to each other. You’re a gem of a human soul, my dear, and I hope, that we will stay in touch! 🥹

🖤 Severus & Julia 🖤

#i love severus #Severus x Julia #severus x oc #fuck me/cfs #he’s by my side for 21 years now #commissioning artwork is my goddamn coping mechanism #this is my red carpet for all the artists of snape fandom #check out her insta page #really do that she’s awesome #severus snape #i love snape #he’s my comfort blanket #i would kiss the ground he’s walking on #snart #severus fanart #severus snape art #snape art #he is my personal comfort blanket #snape #snape love #comic #hp fan comic

[chrisevansonly]

Ok imagine Sebastian Stan and his wife or girlfriend, reader has a premature daughter or son. Seb and reader are loving and protective parents over their child

Little Miracle

Sebastian Stan x Wife Reader

Summary: Being parents for some people was a dream come true, for you and Sebastian the arrival of your daughter Elodie was a miracle, for the first few weeks you both thought she wouldn’t make it, but she proved you two wrong

Warnings: talks of hospitals, depression, some angst, very soft and loving dad and husband Seb, just very sweet

A/N: Thank you for the request anon, this is my first time writing for Seb! I hope I did this request justice and that you all enjoy it!

Word Count: 914

Elodie spent those two first months in the NICU at the best pediatric hospital in New York City, being cared for by the sweetest team of nurses and doctors, you two would always be so grateful to them for taking such great care of El. Of course, the two of you couldn’t stay at the hospital with her, so everyday you’d wake up, go to the NICU, and spent the day with her, doing skin to skin, talking to her, and helping the nurses feed her. 

Elodie spent those two first months in the NICU at the best pediatric hospital in New York City, being cared for by the sweetest team of nurses and doctors, you two would always be so grateful to them for taking such great care of El. Of course, the two of you couldn’t stay at the hospital with her, so everyday you’d wake up, go to the NICU, and spent the day with her, doing skin to skin, talking to her, and helping the nurses feed her. 

It was a trying experience and one that Sebastian will never forget, he’d never seen someone as perseverant as you, his wife, who despite not sleeping, battling depression, and having a hard time eating, was getting up and taking on the day with purpose, and with strength and determination for the better days to come. 

“You just going to stand over there gawking handsome?”

You smiled looking over at Seb who was still leaning against the wall, a smile now on his face as he heard your voice 

“I was thinking about it yeah” 

The soft sound of Elodie letting out a few squeaks caught your attention, and you looked down, she was growing slowly but surely, and god she was looking more and more like her daddy everyday 

“Yeah, you want some attention from daddy too huh?” 

Sebastian laughed and finally joined you two on the couch, settling down softly in behind you, letting you rest your weight on his chest, his arms wrapping around the two of you. When he ran his fingers across Elodie’s little cheek she took his pointer finger in her hand and just held it there, you couldn’t help the tears that welled in your eyes

There were so many moments in the past three months that really allowed you to reflect and in turn feel so lucky that the universe allowed you to be a parent to Elodie. From seeing her tiny body in an incubator hooked up to wires and Sebastian watching her with a fierce protection, to now watching as she holds onto him gently. Moments like this still to this day bringing both the unwelcome memories as well as the new welcomed ones, you were so caught up in your head, you hadn’t realized the rush of war tears cascading down your face

“Baby? What’s wrong, does something hurt?”

You shook your head quickly, rotating slightly so you could look up at him, his eyes filled with worry

“No, I-I just was thinking a-about everything that’s happened, I’m fine really…promise”

He brought his free hand up to wipe your cheeks before holding your face gently 

“It’s okay to let it out pretty girl, you’ve been through a lot the past three months, even the strongest of mom’s need to feel and let go every once in a while”

Seb watched you carefully his eyes never leaving yours, he didn’t want to look away for one second, knowing he almost did lose you a few weeks after Elodie was born, you were his entire world

“I will always be behind you to support you, lift you up and remind you of how strong you are, how beautiful you are, Elodie is so lucky to have you as her mom, and I am even luckier to have you as my wife. You continue to amaze me every day with the strength you use to fill our days with laughter, smiles and pure genuine love”

He leaned down to press a gentle kiss to your lips as you sniffled, closing your eyes for a few short moments, his hand smoothing over your head a few times

“I love you Seb, I don’t say it nearly enough, but I wouldn’t have made it through this without you, Elodie and I are so fortunate to be loved by you, I hope you know that”

Seb smiled and nodded his head as you settled back down on his shoulder, his little bee still fast asleep on your chest, a mental snapshot he’d remember for life

“I love you too baby, you don’t always need to say it, you show me throughout each and every day, I’d bring you two the moon and the stars if I could”

The moon and the stars that littered the night sky, which was your ceiling for a lot of your first dates when the two of you met. It became a saying every night when he dropped you off, because if he would, he’d bring you and his precious baby the entire night sky and all it’s beauty. So, laying here, underneath blankets, wrapped up in an abundance of love, he made a promise to himself that he was going to do whatever he could to bring you both the whole universe, because you deserved nothing less.

#sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x wife!reader #sebastian stan x pregnant reader #dad!sebastian stan #seb stan x reader #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan imagine #rueswrites #sebastian stan x fluff #sebastian stan x you

[thesilliestsys]

YELLOWTUSK ANALYSIS CAUSE I LOVE HER

which is mainly me rewatching the special and analyzing scenes in order + explaining why it feels like share cares about azure more than macaque ever cared about wukong.

i know it’s bad to compare present yte to past macaque, but yte openly set aside her worries in trade for loyalty towards her brother, something macaque didn’t seem like he could do. she KNEW what would happen if azure failed, but stood with him anyway cause he’s her brother.

like macaque sort of took it whenever people would cut him off whenever he’d try to express worries and give advice but yellowtusk willingly set hers aside.

and i’ll elaborate more on her caring for azure (on it’s own, not in comparison.) from here down.. scene by scene, so major special spoilers

in the first scene we see yellowtusk sitting on a lower elevated platform near azure. she’s visibly crafting a new world order, one where — once further inspected — the underworld and heaven and the mortal realm are at their equals. she’s kept near azure because she knows that she can reign him in, and i feel like this relates sort of how right hand men used to be used in old war efforts.

i feel like this easily displays their sort of relationship, especially whenever she looks up to see azure struggling and lets out a hum, not moving to take a stand and help not moving to take a stand and help i him unless he asks for it — acknowledging that he may interpret the fact that she thinks he needs her help as “she thinks i’m weak and can’t handle this,” especially with the stress putting a strain on how he communicates and registers situations (which is seen in the scene with peng at the celestial’s dining hall.)

the next scene we see her in is in azure’s tainted flashback, and i like to take notice of how azure remembered the way that she was standing near him!!! there’s not much to analyze here besides the fact that he keenly remembers her resting her weapon over her shoulder and wukong putting his little hat on. it’s obvious why he remembered wukong in specific, but why yellowtusk and not peng or dbk?

when azure starts to lose control of his power, she was already standing in front of him — as though she was watching him through his power-addled flashback and waiting for a time to step in. she seals the power in an instant, voicing her worries in a carefully crafted way. she says that perhaps their ambitions were premature — she takes extra care not to hint that azure can’t handle this, or that he shouldn’t have done it, and i think that means a lot.

she addressed him by his name with such sincerity it scares me. she tells him about how the realm is damaged, again, carefully not mentioning azures own capacity or whether or not he was the right person to take on such responsibility.

the next scene we see her in is with peng, and the way that she’s trying to communicate her worries towards someone who can handle confrontation better than she can.

“this is not the change we dreamt of” to me, at least, is hinting further at “i did not dream of a future where my brother was struggling (to hold the universe together).”

she communicates to peng that azure cannot control the power in the way he intended, and that he’s tearing the world into pieces. this sort of approach greatly contrasts the way she addresses azure gently and with constructive advice, and i think that means a lot to depict their relationship. she says that she’s done all she can to aid in containing it, given all she has, but when he loses his hold there won’t be any more hope for this world. she knows enough about azure to depict his next move (losing control unwillingly), even when the move will be made without his input.

she then proceeds to put in her input in a more forceful manner, desperation for her brother to listen to her helping wipe away the usual gentle demeanor she keeps with him. she says “azure, you cannot contain this power.” and that is what sets him off, completely putting her previous dancing around the topic into a different context. she was trying to avoid setting him off with that specific wording, and it’s shown why here.

azure quickly reigns himself in, and, characteristically, blames his problems and his struggles on wukong.

azure tries to go off and finish off wukong and mk, and yellowtusk advises that there are more important issues than settling grudges. she’s trying to make sure he’s putting all he has into keeping the realms steady and in-tact, the way she’s given all she’s had into trying to steer him in the right direction.

when azure teleports them to the fight, she doesn’t complain — through it’s obvious she’s not as eager as peng is.

the next scene we see her in is attacking ‘B-TEAM’, and this is where the infamous dialogue comes from! tang informs her that “if we don’t stop them —“ and she cuts him off with “i know full well what will happen should azure fail. but he is my brother, i owe him my life.”

sandy explains that he understands where yellowtusk is coming from, and relates to him, but he doesn’t understand that yellowtusk would stand by azure at the cost of the world, and i feel like this highlights the difference between friends and sworn brothers.

the way she stutters when saying “but — but he is my brother.” shows that this is somewhat of a sensitive topic for her, and that this devotion doesn’t come easy — but she’ll do it for someone she cares about so deeply.

pigsy says “i’m sorry, pal, but nothing is worth that price.” and this further highlights the relationship difference mentioned earlier.

tang explains in the next scene that yellowtusk is shown that if nobody stops azure, there’s no winner — they all lose. yellowtusk falls into pessimism when she says that it’s too late, and that the damage that has been done is irreversible, and that there is no hope — and she’s known this for a while, i believe, especially with the way that she mentioned similar worries to peng earlier in the special.

sandy reassures her, and calls her friend!! not necessary to her relationship with azure, but a cute detail.

yellowtusk expresses that their unconditional hope is naïve, but that he’ll humor it nonetheless. it’s not like he has many other options.

the next scene we see him in is trying to help the others seal away the jade emperors power!!! not much to comment on here, besides the fact that macaque joins in after she sees yellowtusk join in. worry-warts working together 🩷🩷

the last scene we see her in is expressing that while she admits that what she and her brothers did collectively was wrong, she outright refuses to speak bad on azure’s memory — saying “i will not condemn the noble intentions of my brotherhood. we hoped to create a better world, to protect it with all our might — but it took me far too long to realize what real heroes looked like.” i feel like this show of loyalty and acceptance simultaneously is a beautiful way to conclude her current relationship with azure.

the way that she recognizes that their intentions were noble, but their execution resulted in nothing but hardship. she knows that her brother meant good, and will not lie for the sake of pleasing the main cast.

she’s such a gorgeously written character and i honestly need to see her again in season 5, alongside peng. i want to see her mourn the loss of her brother in her own special way — not necessarily crying and weeping.

this is probably trailing further into headcanon territory but i like to think about yellowtusk seeing azure in mk’s body language, in mei’s way of handling situations, in redson’s word choice. seeing him in every oceanic imagery. seeing him in the way peng softens when it’s just the two of them. she visibly cares so much about him and it means so much to me.

SHE means so much to me. i love her with all my heart

#lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk yellow tusk elephant #monkie kid yellowtusk #yellow tusk elephant #lmk azure lion #monkie kid azure lion #azure lion #yellowtusk x azure lion

[thepalaceofmelanie]

Martell Week: Character of the Day: Elia Martell

Tag list: @adriennegabriella @morby @wingsoftheangels @candycanes19 @tashastrange89 @elvinaa

(A/N: Going an AU route with this one. As someone who like Elia has, chronic illness; I wanted to write something on this. I’m not planning on having this as a self-insert but I’m basing certain things off my issues. Character won’t be named or described.)

TW: Medical talk, wanting to give up (not the hard S, you two are just tired.), mention of cheating and death.

Song inspired: “Aerith’s Theme” from Final Fantasy VII

Character of the Day: Elia Martell

__

“Elia, how are you?” I asked.

It was shockingly a good energy day for us both. We found ourselves at a Tim Hortons having something to drink. The smell of the mocha ice capp filled my noise, made sure to have extra chocolate in it.

“Hey you, I’m okay today. How about yourself?” She asked in returned.

The weather was warm, so at least our anemia won’t start making it cold for us. Elia took a sip of her iced tea and I could see she was trying to smile through a storm in her body. Both of us born premature, but our conditions differ a lot.

“To be honest, I’m just tired of it all. I don’t want to die, but I just want to sleep till they make a cure for everything. I can’t regulate my thyroid; I’ve only done it once… so now the Endo, thinks I have not just Hashi’s, not just hypo, but also hyper! Honestly, between the medication, the blood work, the side effects, and everything, I just…”

“I understand, and then when they tell you “it’s going to be okay.” a part of you feels like they’re lying. They don’t understand what people like me and, you go through every second of our lives. Then again, we don’t understand either. So, the point is moot.”

Elia, she must have had a rough morning though with the kids; she didn’t even braid her hair like she normally would.

“How’s Rhaenys and Aegon? I’m guessing their Father is watching them?”

Meaning Rhaegar, I don’t like using his name or talking about him. I mean he cheated on Elia, how does someone forgive that?

“Yes, he is. It’s his day to have the children anyways. So I guess it works out for me.” She semi-chuckled.

“Your heart?” I asked.

Elia’s eyes tried to give some spark of hope; I knew it was bad news.

“They still don’t know what’s going on. They tried an echo-cardiogram but they found nothing. I nearly dropped to the floor twice yesterday.”

Yikes!

They really need to find out what’s causing this and soon. I’m worried she’s going to hit her head and those children won’t have their Mom around. I feel her take my hand in hers, I could see her trying to hold back tears.

She’s scared.

I don’t blame her one bit.

“All I feel that I can do is say that “I’m sorry” but honestly, we both got to be fed up hearing that phrase. I don’t know what I can do for you to be okay as best as you can feel.”

“Just still be my friend. Knowing I’m not alone, helps at times.”

I nodded, if that’s what it takes, I can try. She knows we can’t make promises; some of us just can’t keep them. If we do, nine-times out of ten, we have to cancel last second. For us just to meet together today was a big thing.

We both drink our drinks in silence.

Moments past, the sounds of the shop filled our ears; the smell of the cafe woke people up and the two of us were thinking of what to say next.

Both of us probably already wanting to go back to sleep.

“What was your panel?” She asked.

“My T4 was normal, it’s the TSH was high. About 36.88.”

“How do you feel though?”

“Believe it or not, I’m fine. I feel “normal” I suppose. I’m not tired or losing hair any different or whatever else. I just been having a hard time eating and honestly taking the meds at times.”

“Please tell me you didn’t cause this.”

“Why my thyroid is effed? I can’t tell you anymore, I don’t know. I’m more worried about my mental health half the time.”

Elia squeezed my hand lightly, trying to get me to smile. I can’t smile at this, the fact that my body is ill like this and I’m not sure if I’m at fault or not, really does suck.

“Yours?” I asked.

“It’s a little under but I hope the new dosage helps.” She smiled.

“Yeah, for sure, you need your energy basically watching over the children. At least Oberyn and Doran are helping as well. They’re both good men.”

“I do love my brothers, Oberyn though is my favorite; out of all my family, he supports me the most.”

I felt a pang of envy in my heart, her family loves and cares about her. My Father...not so much at times. It took him years to believe in my depression and anxiety. Elia could tell something was wrong, her facal expression showed it.

Sorrow…

“I’m fine, I’m honestly happy for you. It just sucks that not everyone’s accepting like Oberyn and Doran are.”

“I agree with you; just because your Father doesn’t see your illnesses doesn’t mean it’s not there. It’s real just like us, it exists like us, but it haunts us.”

We both pause, feeling like time stopped. We both finished our drinks and tossed them into the trash, before sitting back down.

“Will you be alright?” Her voice cut gently.

“I will be, I’m just used to it by now. I’ve had certain issues from a young age and the thyroid didn’t get put on paper till a few weeks before my fifteenth birthday. Picture this, you get home from a wonderful vacation with your Father; you go into the doctors and they tell you, you have this issue and basically you’re stuck on meds forever, it messes with everything in your system. Seriously, this sucks, but I’m just so used to it by now; what people say to me doesn’t even phase me anymore.”

Elia didn’t say anything. I could tell she was taking in what I had said.

“But you’re here, you’re dealing with it.”

“So are you.”

She’s right…

We are.

“Your hopes and dreams matter, of course I could go into the whole “Life gets better” and such, but we don’t always want to hear it. That’s fine...do you remember how I asked if we could both do this thing? That list about reasons to keep going.”

“Yeah, I wrote mine on my phone.”

I take my phone out and go to note pad. I noticed she took out her notebook and sat it in front of her. She asked me to list at least three things before we met next, I guess we were both able to do it.

“Okay we’ll trade off. I’ll go first. First reason to keep going is to love my children and be a good Mother.”

“That’s a real sweet one. Okay first reason to keep going, to find a partner.”

I blushed, but I’m lonely. It didn’t matter if it was platonic or romantic at this part; but I knew that would be years later. I have to work on myself first.

“Second reason is to support my brothers when they’re dealing with something.”

“Elia, c’mon, you could have had the first one just be “family” and called it a day!”

The two of us laughed; she knew I had a point, but we both did need the laugh. I’m thankful for her friendship. Elia was always that person who would pour her heart and soul into life; she truly loved her family.

Damn you, Rhaegar, you fuck up.

“Reason two, to kick the ever living crap out of Rhaegar. Listen, if he wasn’t happy, he should have just told you and do something about it. That’s not right what he pulled; did he even ask for an open marriage or whatever before you found out?”

There’s nothing wrong with polyamory, open marriages, ect, but for the love of the gods!

“No, he didn’t. To say the least Oberyn and Doran want to throw hands,” Elia laughed. “Okay, seriously, last reason. To actually have a good life.”

Honestly, that was a reasonable thing. It would be hard but you know, sometimes we don’t know what life has planned for us. I just hope she doesn’t see her last sunrise before achieving this. With being chronically ill, it’s like our bodies are time bombs, depending on what’s going on with the person. With my thyroid issue, my thyroid is slowly dying because the white blood cells are attacking it.

“Yours?”

Oh right…

“To see my favorite band in concert for the third time.”

I could see her smile at that; to her it was a good one. The rest of the time, we talked; we talked about old memories, we cried, laugh and just tried to live for the moment. But little did I know was…

This would be the last time I’d see Elia.

#martell week #Elia Martell #AU #angst #wanted a happy ending but its bittersweet

[malimangle]

Pilgrim Aiden + Sentient Volatile Crane

AKA: I have a VERY long and convoluted explanation for how Kyle Crane could be a father-figure to Aiden that I shared with my two buddies, and I am now deeply entrenched in + committed to the bit. So I made father-son content, naturally. It’s mostly senseless gjfkdg

For this story, imagine that we open with Crane’s backstory. His perspective—this whole deal traces his life from Harran and upwards, his various fights and how terribly lonely he is as he travels through the slowly deteriorating world, searching half-heartedly for some half-baked cure for what he’s been reduced to. Like every other man on earth, buddy.

All the while, yes, he’s a Volatile that goes into a fit of what can only be described as insistent monkey brain at nighttime, but he’s still a man, dammit. He craves human connection, and as he always has, he wants to protect + help people. Unfortunately, he can only achieve the latter half. It’s a half-rate substitute for the foremost desire, but that doesn’t change that it’s better than nothing. 

As we go over his backstory, we view as he tries―and fails― to save a settlement. They didn’t listen to his warning about approaching Volatiles, and as a consequence, they get slaughtered, with many dying entirely and a solid third becoming infected. The lot of the survivors become Virals. He sorta leaves them alone after that, counseling the Virals as they, over time, begin to lose their human minds to the virus (there’s some INTERESTING world building where human facilities don’t fully shut down til at least a couple weeks into the virus, and Crane gets to talk people through the transition and watch them OFFICIALLY die.) 

Well. Some days later a kid comes LITERALLY falling into the settlement, provoking all 21 Virals, and Crane has to put them all down prematurely as they wail at him to just kill them so they don’t hurt this kid.

Aiden initially tries to run from Crane and actually gives him a run for his money, but Jesus, this kid can’t be older than 14, so when Aiden finally thinks he’s lost this ‘weird infected motherfucker’, that’s when Crane springs at him, lifts him by the scruff of his shirt, and--immediately uses his weird telepathy to essentially strip Aiden the fuck down for being completely fucking unattended in the wastes at ‘his age’ and demand that he goes back to his Settlement IMMEDIATELY.

(” Listen, kid--stop screaming, dammit, I get it, I know--LISTEN. Jesus Christ. I know I’m some monster to you but the real problem is the reason why your sorry ass is out here ALONE! What the hell are you doing, kid!?”

“...What the fuck are you????”)

Just imagine Aiden hanging there, mid-air, goggling at this fucking Volatile-adjacent man who is standing in broad daylight and chastising him after chasing him several hundred meters.

“I don’t know what fucking girl you were sweet on here, but I guarantee she’s dead now, and I guarantee that going to have a fucking booty call with her in this day and age is NOT worth your goddamn death. Go HOME.”

Eventually Aiden scrambles together some brain cells thru the shock and he ends up squawking, the picture of baffled indignance, “What the hell are you--I don’t fucking BELONG ANYWHERE, let GO of me, asshole!”

Yeah. Crane initially finds that very hard to believe, but eventually as their conversation continues, he’s forced to accept that, no, Aiden’s fucking serious. He sorta…bluescreens over it. What the hell, he thinks. This 13 year old kid only comes up to my fucking elbow, and he’s out here alone??? Trying to ‘find his sister??’ You must be joking. No way in hell am I leaving this little guy to his own devices.

So, obviously, Crane wants to take Aiden to a settlement to settle in and not be in the wastes anymore, because he knows trying to find anyone in this day and age is a Fool’s Errand, especially someone you haven’t seen in a solid decade. 

He feels a bit bad about it, but mostly has zero qualms about telling Aiden so, to which Aiden is like “fuck you no” but either way, Crane eventually “succeeds” in cajoling Aiden into talking to a Settlement. Problem is--Crane didn’t actually succeed. Aiden KNOWS this Settlement is Hostile to Pilgrims. Crane didn’t accept Aiden’s claim that they’d be mean to him because he’s not REALLY a pilgrim (yes he is—Crane doesn’t believe it! The fucking nerve!) and like…”wHoS gOiNg To Be CrUeL tO a KiD, AiDeN??”

Yeah, I’m sure we can guess Aiden’s plan, here. Crane, however, is blissfully unaware of the can of bullshit Aiden’s about to open. This is not going to be softened at all by the fact that, during the travel to the settlement, Aiden and Crane kinda become grudging pals (grudging in that Aiden is softening to Crane over time and VERY angry about it, and Crane is endlessly exasperated by Aiden’s teenagism but also unwillingly(!!) amused by it.)

Soon enough, we’ve got our day of Reckoning. They reach the bigger Settlement. As we and Aiden both expect, they are immediately hostile to Aiden when he reveals he’s a pilgrim—and our poor, previously unaware Crane, in turn, immediately realizes Aiden wasn’t being dramatic, actually, and tries very hard to get Aiden to get the hell out of there and come back over to him without revealing himself to the settlers, because showing himself would cause a panic. Guess who isn’t aware of that because he’s a dumb thirteen year old and the novelty of Crane wore off, like, a week ago? Ding ding ding. It’s Aiden. 

Yeah, so, with rising hysteria Crane is trying to get Aiden to bail. Alas, the teenager in Aiden is coming out HARD and, wanting to REALLY prove his point to Crane, who has NOT been listening to his judgment at ALL, Aiden is very showy about calling out to the settlement guards and basically begs for a crossbow bolt between the eyes while Crane literally screams at him mentally. 

Right, so. Consequences, here we come. Aiden is so busy being a jerkoff thirteen year old that he’s completely blindsided when one of the Settlers does, indeed ACTUALLY shoot Aiden, right in the front of the shoulder.

A stunned silence. The Settlers look amongst each other, wide-eyed and quiet, but then--as one--almost immediately they decide to commit to the bit. Ohhhh FUCK.

Crane doesn’t even hesitate once that group-decision becomes clear— with some unholy shriek, he leaps into action, and not only swipes the guards off the wall, but flings himself off the wall and seizes Aiden by the middle, loping both of them off into the distance while Aiden screams and shouts for multiple reasons, kicking his dumb little feet. 

They have an argument as Crane runs from the Infected he’s accidentally sent into a frenzy between his sudden energy and the smell of Aiden’s blood, and Crane doubles down—he’s like, kid, some people are just assholes, not everyone is like that and no one’ll turn away a KID--especially not one who’s bleeding profusely from the shoulder, now, Jesus Christ, we got to sit down and take care of that soon--and Aiden tells him once more, this time with incredulous insistence, that no, he hadn’t been kidding before and wasn’t kidding now, EVERY fucking settlement this way is hostile as hell to Pilgrims, and after the scene HE made, they were probably going to be on the lookout!

Crane doesn’t want to believe it, but now that truth is starting to actually dawn on him, and he’s just not ready for it. Instead, they eventually lose the Chase and Crane props up Aiden on a car to help him clumsily patch up as best as he can with the materials he’s got on hand from previous finds in hospitals and clinics along the road.

Obviously, it’s a pretty hackneyed job―especially since Aiden botches the fuck out of pulling out the arrow and he can’t give himself stitches. Unnoticed, while Aiden thrashed in pain over the arrow removal, he scrapes the fuck out of his shoulders on the rusty ass car door and gets some minor abrasions—IMPORTANT LATER. 

Story marches on. Crane tries to prove Aiden wrong about people being jerks to teenage pilgrims, but it’s pretty obviously a doomed venture when they reach settlement after settlement, and one by one, all of them box Aiden out. Crane gets increasingly frustrated, which comes to a head when he comes raring out and YELLING at the guards who won’t take Aiden in despite his injuries after the twelfth turn-away, which results in a BIG conflict that ends with Crane breaking in, wrecking some shit, and carting Aiden away over his shoulder. 

Well, Crane’s meltdown is just the precursor to Aiden blowing up on him, because Crane has only JUST understood what Aiden’s been telling him the whole fucking time! Listen--Aiden’s not sure WHY Crane has been so obstinate about getting him into a settlement, but what he DOES know is that he’s in pain, he’s thirsty, his shoulder and head are killing him, he hasn’t eaten in days, and he’s VERY pissed at Crane. So. While Crane tries to find them a place to hole up for the night and check in on Aiden’s shoulder, they get INTO IT.

This is The Fight. Where Aiden hammers home his goals, and how Crane can’t change his mind. This is the broad strokes of how it goes—this is NOT the dialogue, but essentially what is said:

“It’s not my fault you think it’s stupid, and it’s not my fault you don’t have a Fucking goal.”

“You don't think I have a goal? What do you think I’ve been doing this whole time!? Fuck, kid—I’ve been traveling with you for over a month, you think I’ve just been doing that for the hell of it? I want you to be SAFE!” 

“and I’m TELLING you that I REFUSE to be safe until I see this through, and there’s JACK SHIT you can do about it! Either you’re with me, or against me, and there is zero fucking in between. So save yourself the trouble and just LEAVE already! I know you’ve been dying to get rid of me anyway! (stroke of abandonment issue—Crane trying to foist Aiden upon settlements has come across, to him, as an adult he grudgingly trusts trying to abandon him. He thinks Crane is eager to get rid of him)” 

“I’m not—what?! Aiden, I’m NOT fucking leaving you, you’re injured and I happen to give a shit about you! You think I want to up and fucking dump you somewhere, that I’d just leave you for dead like this?! Are you joking?! (Crane has misunderstood, a little, but he sounds so earnest here that it throws Aiden off)”

“Well—! If you really gave a shit the way I NEED you to, you’d know just how fucking important Mia is to me, and you wouldn’t tell me over and over again that my one goal in life, my one reason for LIVING, is STUPID. You’ve been nothing but an asshole about this the entire Fucking time and I’m sick of it!” 

“… (Crane, being the adult, realizes Aiden is right and accepts ownership of his relentless, though inadvertent assholery) …You’re right, kid. I HAVE been an asshole about this. But fuck, man, look around you. EVERYONE is dead. I have lost so many people, people that meant the world to me, and if that’s pain I can get you to avoid—especially when pursuing it might KILL YOU, I just…I wanted to try.” 

“And I want to know what happened.” 

“(Crane realizes getting Aiden to give up on this is going to take a lot more time than a single month, and uneasily settles into ‘agreeing’ to help him, because this is stupid but he cares enough about this punk ass kid to want to stick around.) Okay. Alright. Fine. Then I’ll help you find her. For real, this time.”

With that cleared, they finally chill the fuck out. Crane awkwardly leaves Aiden to mope it out while he goes and gets them dinner, because Aiden hasn’t eaten in awhile and he needs sustenance. He goes and manages to take down a couple rabbits, raids a nearby settlement for veggies bcus they pissed him off, and Crane goes back to Aiden to find the kid miserably dozing in the big master’s bed, smelling like he’s in pain. He clumsily makes a rabbit stew and brings it to Aiden, who says in a surly tone, “I’m not hungry.”

Initially Crane assumes Aiden’s doing that classic teenager thing and—since he’s still feeling like an asshole about earlier—he’s gentle with it. He’s like, “Aiden, listen, dude. I know you’re probably pissed off. I would be pissed, hell, I’d be fucking livid if I were you. But even if that’s true, in this day and age, it’s never a good idea to refuse hot food. You can glare daggers at me the whole time, but please just eat something.”

To which Aiden says, with appropriate shame and a much softer face, “Yeah, you got me, I’ve done that before, but I’m not being a hardass for funsies right now.” He sounds a little troubled as he admits, “I’m actually not hungry.”

“Aiden, you’ve barely eaten these last couple days. I want to believe you, kid, but you’re a teenager--there’s no way in hell you’re not hungry, unless somethings wrong.” The rising anxiousness in Crane’s tone prevents Aiden’s hackles from going up entirely, so he just snips, 

“Didn’t we just argue about you not fucking listening to me? I’m serious, I really don’t want to eat right now.” 

Crane’s heart hammers a bit, “…Do you think something might be wrong?”

“My head just hurts, and my stomach’s in knots, probably over the argument.” Crane feels a distinctly hard twinge of guilt. “I just don’t like fighting. This is  probably nothing special. I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning.”

Crane eventually cajoles Aiden into eating—he pushes the stew around and manages to get down like half of it, which just worries Crane more. He puts it up in the miraculously still-working fridge and goes to settle for the night. Well. Some hours later—when it’s 2am and Crane’s still in stupid-mode (remember: that’s how he is as a Sentient Volatile—he doesn’t get bloodlust. Stupid Insistent Monkey Brain because I can’t handle violent Crane), he’s woken by the sound of his kid hurling over the side of the bed. 

He lopes into the room in a hurry like “!!! What ! The fuck ! hurt?!” and Aiden tries to wave him off like “I just don’t think the rabbit sat well with me.” But he’s trembling, sweating, listing a little bit, and pale as fuck. Crane immediately feels his face—he’s sodden with sweat, and boiling. Oh fuck, he’s feverish. He goes to manhandle Aiden out of the blankets and curls his hand carefully around Aiden’s injured shoulder, avoiding the front—but when he grabs the back of Aiden’s shoulder, the kid nearly Fucking convulses. 

Oh fuck.

Remember that scrape he got on his back from the rusty car door when he pulled the arrow out of the front of the shoulder? 

Yeah. Turns out one of the scrapes was a proper cut, and it got infected with bacteria. Aiden missed it because he doesn’t have eyes back there and, yknow, the front of his shoulder was in such overwhelming pain, and Crane missed it because he was so fixated on the front too. But now there’s visible pus in it and even though Crane is still in stupid-mode, he’s still got the faculties to think to himself a very emphatic, “Fuck.”

He’s like “we need! Pills! Medicine!” and Aiden’s like “so long as it’s not penicillin it’s fine” and Cranes like “?!?!? WHAT.” to which Aiden explains that, for some godforsaken reason, he’s allergic as hell to the one (1) antibiotic that is still around in abundance—penicillin. Cranes like “where! The fuck!! Am I gonna find an antibiotic that’s NOT ! Penicillin! Fuck!”

They start with the first Crane finds—Doxycycline hyclate. It was manufactured in 2022 — it’s 2032. Unfortunately, they don’t really do shit. They went over the expiry for them, and though SOME might still be effective, ultimately they just barely make a dent in the infection. Things are starting to look dire, and the area is starting to clog up with migrating infected and bandits, so they gotta move. 

Crane ends up rigging together, basically, a baby carrier for his back to keep Aiden hoisted securely on him using bungee cords and other materials he raids from a hiking store in a Volatile Hive mall. By this point, Aiden is so feverish he can barely speak, much less travel. So he gets Aiden secured, grabs their shit, and in a last ditch effort makes it to a Very large hospital-turned-hive, and basically sets Aiden up in a room, secures it, and fucking destroys all of the Infected in there while staying in tune with Aiden’s struggling heartbeats and deteriorating mind. 

Eventually the hospital is secure, Crane reboots the UV lights to keep the nasties out, and rifles through what remains. Blessedly, he finds not only proper I.V needles and fluid, but ALSO Ciprofloxacin, which can last 142 months after expiry before it really is dangerous. It was made in June 2024– it’s February 2032. Only 92 months, well within the limit. 

He sets Aiden up with the IV, and with the antibiotics―which he very carefully coaxes the boy into swallowing. By the time Aiden takes these, he’s dangerously close to death’s door, and not altogether there. So at some point he wakes in a hospital room, with shit shoved in his arm, very disoriented, woozy, and hot.

So. Very understandably he loses his absolute fucking shit. Which gives me the opportunity for some VERY heart-wrenching whumpy bullshit wherein Crane gets to cradle a very-nearly wailing Aiden and calm him down from, essentially, a post-traumatic meltdown. Just like I wish my parents woulda done with me, hahaha. 

Jesus Christ.

Well. Anyway. Between the IV keeping him hydrated, the antibiotics finally working to fight the infection and compounding on the mild effect the previous ones had, and the comfortable bed, Aiden’s condition does rapidly improve. By the time two days go by, the fever finally diminishes enough for Aiden to be fully coherent. He’s still absolutely miserable, but at least he’s back with it, right? Mmn. It would be nice if he didn’t have to contend with Crane’s deep and almost frantic doting concern, which was exponentially worsened by his flip-out over simply being in a hospital bed. 

Eventually: “So you, uh…I didn’t want to bring it up too fast, but I don’t know if you remember―you had a pretty strong reaction to being in a hospital bed, buddy. What uh. What’s going on there?”

Aiden puts down his comic book and squeezes his eyes shut. Fuuuck. 

So they’re having this conversation. Awesome. Well. Crane just saved his absolute dick and ass, and went above and beyond to care for him. And like…the guy’s alright. He’s clearly in this for the long haul, so Aiden guesses he sorta owes the dude the full explanation. So he gets into it. Talking about the experiments Waltz was running on the GRE’s dime for some fucking reason, and all the awful shit he was put through. 

Crane is.

AGHAST. 

 ...I’m not even going to comment on,, all of THAT, because there’s jack shit I can say to--well. Y’know. Just, holy fuck. Holy fuck. But uh. Make no mistake kid―not your fault, I don’t judge you for that―I mean, look at me, how am I gonna judge someone?--and--and those people fucking suck. I hope you know you’re getting babied forever now though. Fuck, dude.”

“...”

“ᴺᵃᶦˡᵉᵈ ᶦᵗ”

“Ur not my fucking dad, Crane.”

“Yeah, I’m glad! I got a bone to pick with that dude.”

“Jesus. Whatever, look―is babying me going to involve that weird baby carrier thing you were doing the other day?”

“...Holy shit, you remember that?”

It does, indeed, entail the baby carrier thing, though admittedly it’s more for the hell of it. They both come to realize that Crane can travel a helluva lot faster than Aiden can, and if they can trade off on who’s leading, they can travel way farther and waste less time. So they develop a routine―during the day, Crane helps Aiden scavenge―goes where Aiden cannot―while Aiden works on gathering info on his sister and Waltz, does errands, and basically does life maintenance. 

By the time sunset rolls around, Aiden and Crane pack up, strap Aiden to his back, pad him a lil bit, and essentially just let Stupid Brain Crane jettison through the night and get his zoomies out with Aiden secured to him. Aiden comes to sleep exceptionally well whilst having the Fuck shook out of him, and only really sleep good when Crane’s there. 

Aiden pretends to hate the baby carrier--he tries real hard. Crane figures out pretty quick that he's full of shit. He lets it alone tho lol

Wintering is kinda cute―they make, essentially, a gigantic soft nest to appeal to Crane, and they essentially hibernate together. Just like that, Crane acquires the human connection he craves and like, a weird quirked-up whiteboy of a son. And Aiden gets an adult who protects him and loves him like their own, giving him a parent. So cute. Wow. Love it. 

So obviously this gets a little fucked up once they get to Villedor almost nine years later. Aiden’s 21 now, going on 22. 

Crane has to make a very tough call―he’s not…going into the city with Aiden. At first, Aiden’s really betrayed―he came this far, just to leave him behind here? What the fuck? Crane quickly explains that he’d love to stay with Aiden, but this is a city full of people. There’s no way in hell Crane can fly under the radar here, and…Aiden has finally found where Mia is. But he won’t find her without acceptance from the locals. And the thought that Crane could fuck that up for him without even trying? Hell no. Crane couldn’t bear it.

And, well…Aiden can’t really argue with that. He wants to, desperately, because Crane’s been by his side for like, a third of his life! The thought of being apart from him after all this time feels weird, wrong, and anxiety-inducing. For BOTH of them. So Crane’s quick to assure― 

“Don’t worry, kid. I’m not going to up and lope off into the fucking sunset. You know this radio station we’re in, right now? I’ll just roost here. Make a nice nest and everything. And when you find her, and when you’re ready to either leave or stay, you can just come visit whenever. I’ll work on clearing the metro and putting in UV lights if you leave me any, just so your path out stays open, alright?”

“...And you’ll stay on the radio?” Aiden asks in this small voice. 

“Kid… you know I can’t actually talk, right? All I’ve got is this weird mind-link shit, and once you’re out of range, well…”

“But I can talk to YOU. And you―you can do clicks and stuff, yeah? I’ll just ask yes or no questions―two clicks for yes, one for no.”

And hey, that works. They get Crane set up, and while Aiden sets up the bed and gets ready to sleep for the night, Crane scopes out the metro at sunset and goes apeshit on the Volatiles in there. Sets up some UV lights and secures the area, if only so his boy doesn’t get his ass handed to him. Heads back. Now they usually share the bed―Crane’ll be a warm wall of flesh behind Aiden, cover his back and all. They usually reserve the Whole Ticket for winter when it's too damn cold.

For this last night, they indulge in the winter cuddle. Aiden curls up straight in Crane’s lap, head tucked into his neck, and basically sleeps sprawled across the guy’s chest.

As Aiden sleeps, Crane actually cries a little. Softly, with tear ducts that don’t work anyway. He’s really going to miss this kid, and the reality of not seeing him for awhile―possibly not ever again, if Aiden’s unlucky enough―is really starting to hit the dude. 

It’s hard to let him go the next day, but he knows this means the world to Aiden, so he doesn’t say a word to stop him. He watches Aiden head towards Villedor the next morning after one last hug. His slowly heaving heart fills with dread.

---

I'm not quite sure how I want to approach Villedor in this one: I DO want Aiden to go thru the story and all that, but I'm not sure how or when I want him to get Infected, nor how often I want Crane to come into play.

I DO want there to be a consistent subplot of Crane befriending a shitload of feral cats and becoming the ultimate catdad whilst he mopes about missing his kid. 

I do also really want Aiden to employ diplomacy and get the PK to retreat from Old Villedor without extensive bloodshed since being around Crane has given him the (in Dodger’s words, coconut-sized) balls to defy authority (especially because not being able to try diplomacy in the canon game makes me very sad--so many human lives wasted!)

And I DO want Crane to swoop in and save Aiden from Waltz at the electric car factory and basically scream something to the effect of, "GET THE FUCK OFF MY SON YOU FUCKING ANIMAL." @ Waltz before bailing and forcibly seizing Lawan in one arm, Aiden in the other, as Crane jettisons them to the Central Loop. 

(Lawan flips the fuck out over this random Infected, and it is utterly, comically side-burnered by Aiden reuniting with his 'dad', Crane, despite the objective insanity of the happenstance)

Aiden, sobbing: so much terrible shit has happened, a random man broke my heart, I fucking hate this city, I missed you so much, this sucks 

Crane, soothingly: If you want to bail for now, it's okay, you can come home with me and the cats for awhile and try again later. We have time. 

Aiden: Wait, cats? Cats, plural? 

Lawan:

Last but not least I ALSO know that I want Crane to eventually give up on totally behaving himself and instead venture into Villedor regularly--initially 'just to find cat food' but eventually just to sweep the Infected off the streets, throw useful shit into strongholds, and save as many people as possible. 

An urban legend starts to thrum thru all of the city--there is a talking Volatile man who eats other Infected, throws antibiotics at people, and gives absolutely fuckall 0 shits about UV light. Apparently he is usually toting around cat products--toys, litter, kibble, nip, etc--and is very friendly. People are terrified out of their wits at first, but the more he talks about his alleged four cats and doesn't rip people into ribbons, the more the fear fades. 

Aiden hears about this and, with a very amused nose-exhale, thinks to himself, 'oh man, wonder who that could be. what a mystery. so intriguing. Ah, good on you, old man.'

#this is long as fuck #yes i thought way too much about this #how did you know #god this is so cringe #unfortunately for everyone else i eat cringe like spaghettios #dying light #dying light 2 #dying light 2 stay human #dl2 #dl crane #Kyle Crane #Kyle Crane dl #Aiden Caldwell #Aiden DL2 #dying light 2 fanfiction #dying light fanfiction #dying light meta #sorta #i think it counts as meta #oaghdhg #the brainrot

[hockeyboysimagines]

Bitter

Chapter 8

Warnings: angst, language, mentions of sex and alcohol.

Sorry this is so overdue. I had Covid AGAIN. And I’ve just been feeling so unmotivated lately. Let me know what you guys think🤍

“Mat?” Ginny was hurrying down the hall, long hair tangled in the collar of her jacket. Various others were seated around and turned at her arrival, including Beau but she could care less about them.

“Hey you got my-“

“Is she okay?” She asked coming to a halt in front of him. Beau stood and came to stand with them as several teammates stood to listen to what he had to say. He looked grim and tired, but he smiled a little to reassure her.

“She’s okay but there’s been some complications.” He said eyes moving to his feet. His smile disappeared.

“What do you mean complications?” Ginny asked, eyebrows knotting together “You just said she was fine.”

“She is fine…right now. But the doctors said Leighton has a condition…” he began to explain. Everything sounded muffled but words jumped out at her. “Premature” “hemorrhage” “cardiac distress”

“But…but she’s okay right?” She could feel her heart bleeding and sliding down into her stomach, making it churn and a wave of nausea bubbles up filling her with cold dread and hot anxiety. She felt sick and sweaty, like she might vomit if her throat hadn’t closed.

“Yeah yeah she’s fine, the baby too. As long as everything goes perfectly and nothing else happens they’ll both be fine.”

“And if it doesn’t go perfectly? What then?”

Mat pursed his lips and blinked a few times before he cleared his throat “We could lose her Ginny. She could die. The baby too.”

Ginny felt fear drip down her like someone was drowning her in maple syrup. She was aware of a hand on her shoulder and knew it was Beau but she didn’t move. While she appreciated the gesture she didn’t care about anything besides her best friend. Even though he’d been the first thing on her mind the last few weeks, he was the last thing she was thinking about now.

“She’s asking for you.” Mat said touching her arm and nodding behind him “Go ahead.” He gave her elbow a squeeze and moved so she could pass him.

Her lip trembled but she nodded and walked wordlessly past him, Beau’s hand slipping from her shoulder as she tried to hold in her tears. She stopped outside Leighton’s room and took a deep breath, blinking the tears away as she stared up at the fluorescents. She let the breath out and turned the corner.

Leighton was in a hospital gown, seated in the middle of the bed. She looked tired, but relaxed, and the TV was playing lowly in the background. She looked up when she entered, and something like relief spread across her features.

“Hey best friend.” She gave her a tired smile and patted the bed next to her.

“Hey best friend.” Ginny said softly, a tear rolling down her face as she sat.

“What’s the matter? I’m fine.” Leighton smiled wider, holding her hand out and Ginny grasped it, sucking in a breath.

“That’s not what Mat told me.” Ginny said shaking her head, another tear rolling down her cheek “Your not fine.”

Leighton’s smile faded slowly and she sighed “He told you.”

“He did. But why didn’t you? We aren’t supposed to keep secrets remember? And here we are keeping all these secrets.” Ginny sniffled and Leighton squeezed her hand.

“Because I knew you would take this problem on as your own and I didn’t want to worry you.”

“The doesn’t mean you don’t tell me something this serious. I need to know these things. How can I fix it if I don’t know what I’m fixing.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. And I don’t know Gin but we’ll get through this. We’re going to be fine.” She squeezed her hand and touched her stomach, giving her a smile.

“You better be fine.” Ginny choked out, tears dripping down her cheeks on to the hospital bedspread. “We’re supposed to grow old together, and get wrinkles and Botox and grey hair. How would we ever go on without your stupid skinny ass?”

“Your not going to have to. I’m not going anywhere. I promise. No more secrets. And you already have wrinkles.” She said with a small smile.

“Yeah because of you bitch.” Ginny choked out with a laugh. Leighton opened her arms wide and Ginny fell into them still crying. Leighton rested her chin on top of her head.

“It’s all going to be okay.”

***********

Beau felt exhausted by the events of the last few days.

More had happened in the last week than had happened in a year of his life and he felt like he was 80 years old as he sank into his sofa.

First, he’d been sabotaged by a psycho bitch from hell, and had been caught sleeping with his best friends fiancé’s best friend. Then he’d had a huge blowout with said best friends fiancé’s best friend. Then best friends fiancé’s best friend ends up in the hospital with complications of a pregnancy he didn’t even know about.

His head was spinning.

He closed his eyes and thought about Mat, and Leighton and Ginny. He supposed to safe little bubble that held the 4 of them together would have to be popped eventually but he had hoped it would be a smoother process than it had been.

But what was really on his mind was Kaitlin.

He was less concerned with her setting him up and more concerned with how she even found out. They’d been so careful. They never met anywhere in public, they only met up after dark, and Ginny only ever used the back entrance to the building. They’d always deleted all texts and never talked on the phone. And then it hit him.

“That crazy bitch has been following me.” He mumbled sitting up straight on his sofa. He couldn’t believe it.

He grabbed his phone and dialed Mat’s number, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for him to answer.

“Hello?” Mat was speaking quietly from the other end of the phone, and he heard a door creak faintly in the background.

“Are you busy?”

“No. Leighton just fell asleep. Why?”

“Kaitlin has been following me. I think.”

Mat was silent for a few minutes before he spoke “What? Why would you think that?”

“There is no other way she could have found out about me and Ginny. Think about it. If you guys didn’t know how could she? We worked pretty hard to keep it under wraps and the only way she could have known is if she was keeping tabs.”

“Dude that’s insane.”

“No it’s not. Not really. Are you really saying she’s not crazy enough to do something like that?”

“Well…well no I guess she is but following you? I don’t know man. That just sounds…”

“Dangerous. We have to do something.”

“Do what? I don’t want to stress Leighton out anymore than she is okay?”

“How is she?”

Mat was quiet “I don’t know really. She’s okay right now but it’s not right now I’m worried about.” He’d never heard Mat sound so sad and defeated, except after Kaitlin left him at the altar. That had obviously worked out for the better, but Beau wasn’t so sure this would.

“Go check on her. We’ll deal with Kaitlin later. But watch your back.”

“Will do. I’ll see you at practice tomorrow.”

He hung up and leaned back, scrolling through his contacts till he found Ginny. His finger hovered over the call button before he pressed it. It rang three times before she answered.

“Hello?”

He was surprised for a second that she actually picked up before he spoke “Hey. How are you doing?”

“How do you think I’m doing?” Her voice sounded raw and congested, and he could tell she’d been crying. He couldn’t imagine how she was feeling. He loved Leighton and he was devastated to hear that her life was at risk, but Ginny had a love for her that ran deep. They’d been lifelong friends, and he knew that Ginny didn’t really know a life without her. He felt terrible for her.

“I would assume not very well. That’s why I called. I wanted to make sure your okay.”

She let out a breath “I’m not okay. I haven’t been for a long time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Just…everything I guess. Everything that your going through.”

“Thanks.” Her voice broke a little and felt his heart sink. He didn’t want to see her like this, and hearing the hurt in her voice hurt him.

“Do you need anything?”

“No.”

They were both quiet before she spoke again “I should go. I can’t talk about this right now.”

“Okay. If you need me or anything just call.”

“I think it’s best that I don’t call, even if I need you.”

“Ginny-“

“I have to go. Bye.” He could hear her voice trembling as she said it and then hung up. He was disappointed in himself for hurting her.

A tiny part of him had thought that maybe once their situation was put in the open it could evolve into something more. He’d been shocked obviously to find Mat and Leighton at his apartment just 24 hours ago, but he’d also been relieved. It was a hard secret to keep and one he didn’t really want to.

It had obviously crashed and burned rather suddenly, and he then felt stupid for thinking things could be different. But he still had a small glimmer of hope. It felt silly at the moment, with everything else going on, to even be thinking about his weeks of hooking up with Ginny. Things were so bleak, and the thought of her was a small, but shimmering bright spot.

He wanted to be with her, but he was also still pissed at her.

Which is exactly why he was about to do something stupid.

In an effort to forget about her for just a few minutes he scrolled further through his contacts and found the one he was looking for before he got the green call button.

“Hello?”

“Hey Kerry, it’s Beau.”

She was silent on the other end before she spoke “Hi. Long time no talk.”

He’d only went out with her a few times, if you could even call it that. She was a sweet girl, but he wasn’t looking for sweet.

“Yeah I know. But I was wondering if your free on Friday?”

“For?”

“Mat and Leighton are having a party before their wedding. I wanted to ask if you want to come with me?”

Even he knew how stupid this was. Bringing another girl to a party Ginny would also be at was absolute insanity. But maybe it would make her realize she felt something for him.

“You wanna take me? We haven’t spoken in over 3 months.”

“Yeah I know, but I’ve been thinking about you.”

She giggled and sighed. He felt bad, because he wasn’t thinking about her at all. He’d forgotten she even existed, but she was the first person he thought of. She’d pushed for a relationship that he didn’t want so he basically ghosted her. It wasn’t right, but then he’d gotten involved with Ginny and cut all the other girls off.

“I mean sure.” She said finally “What time?”

“I’ll pick you up around 5? It starts at 5:30.”

“Okay that sounds great.”

They chatted for a few more moments before he hung up and sat down on his sofa and turned the tv on. He was mildly aware that what he was doing wasn’t okay but he pushed it out of his mind.

***********

Across town Ginny was lying in bed on her side, eyes closed. A single tear slid across her nose and dripped in to her pillow.

She felt so many emotions. Anger, helpless, tired. But mostly she just felt sad.

She didn’t know a life that Leighton wasn’t a part of. The idea of losing her best friend gave her a sense of fear she’d never felt before.

And it was crippling. She’d been checking in with her every hour but was too afraid to go see her because she didn’t want to cry in front of her. Ginny was always Leighton’s strong thing to hold on to when life got stormy. Her safe place when things got scary. Her hand to hold when things got lonely.

And now there was absolutely nothing she could do to help her, except stand by and watch.

And then there was Beau. She’d been extraordinarily mean to him the past few days, and while she felt bad she also didn’t. The faster she pushed him away, the less it would hurt. When ripping off a bandage, it’s better to yank it from your skin and deal with a sharp flash of pain, than to peel it slowly and suffer as it pulled and yanked at your flesh.

Her eyes felt extraordinarily heavy as she took a deep breath, attempting to calm herself down. She opened them and caught sight of her favorite picture of her and Leighton.

Things would be fine.

She thought to herself as she took a shuddering breath and closed her eyes again.

Everything would be fine. Because it had to be.

**********

Beau knocked on Mat and Leighton’s door three times before he heard her answer on the other side.

“It’s open.”

He took a deep breath and opened the door. She was seated on the couch. She looked a little surprised to see him as he moved forward and sat down. He hadn’t talked with her since she and Mat found Ginny pants less in his apartment and while he didn’t want to stress her out, her friendship to him was important, and he wanted to explain himself.

“You know, you shouldn’t leave your door unlocked. Not with that psychopath running around out there.”

“I’m not afraid of her.”

He was quiet a moment before he met her eye “How are you feeling?”

She absently placed a hand on her stomach “Fine right now. I can’t say I’ll feel the same in an hour though. I’m on strict bed rest.”

“Good. You shouldn’t be overdoing it or stressing yourself out.”

“Stress is unavoidable in my life.”

“Yeah…” he ran the tow of his shoe across the floor and cleared his throat “I’m sorry for adding more to it.”

She sighed and met his eyes with a small smile “Beau it’s okay. I’m not mad at you.”

“You should be. I feel like I ruined our friendship by lying to you. It wasn’t right.”

“No it wasn’t, but I get it. You know I’ve known Ginny my whole life. And she’s the best person I know.” She smiled at him and shook her head “But she is not for the faint of heart.”

“Yeah.” He chuckled a little “I found that out the hard way.”

“She’s difficult, and stubborn, and wild but she’s also unbelievably kind, courageous, and the most beautiful soul. But she’s also fragile behind all of that. More than she’d ever admit out loud to anyone.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt her you know….it became…it became.” He frowned and tried to find the right words.

“More than a hookup? I’m not surprised. She’s always left an impression.”

He huffed and leaned back, slouching into the sofa “I feel terrible, but I also don’t regret it you know?”

“I understand.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I can’t give you the answers, but I can tell you this. If Ginny means something to you, you have to be either all in or all out. That’s the only way things can ever get better.”

He nodded and sighed “I tried to call her. But she didn’t really wanna talk to me.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised. She’s taking this-“ Leighton said, gesturing at her stomach “On as her problem. Now is probably the worst time to try and hash this out with her.”

“She loves you. I can’t say that I blame her for not wanting to talk right now. When we were in Manhattan, she talked a lot about you and her and your friendship. It was the first time I feel like I saw the real Ginny.”

Leighton smiled “You did, and that in itself is an impressive feat. Most people don’t get to see that Ginny, sometimes not even me. She puts on a brave face to hide her pain from other people, because she’s too afraid to let anyone in. She’s hid her problems from me for years, because she was too busy trying to solve mine.”

“I kind of admire her, her strength. And I think I have from the first time I ever really talked to her. I just wanted to know her.”

Leighton gripped his hand “Be patient. If she truly cares about you, and I believe she does, she’ll realize it and come back.”

He smiled and squeezed her hand back, forgetting for a while that he had invited Kerry to their pre-wedding get together.

*********

Ginny was in a bad mood. She angrily sipped at her drink as she sat at the bar, legs crossed at the ankles.

“What’s your problem?” She turned to find Mat seating himself at on the stool next to her. Ginny looked over his shoulder.

“She’s in the bathroom.”

“By herself?”

“Lauren went with her, so what’s going on?”

“Nothing.” She mumbled, stirring the ice.

“Uh huh. If that’s your story.”

Ginny stared at a spot on the wall, stoney faced.

“There is literally nothing you can do about this Ginny-“

“Stop. Just stop. You have no idea how I feel right now.”

“Oh yeah? I have no idea?”

“No you don’t.” Ginny snapped. She knew she was wrong, but she was angry.

Mat was staring at her open mouthed “Do you think this is easy for me?”

Ginny didn’t answer so he continued “You’re not the only one who loves her you know. I do too. And if you think for one second that if something happens to her, I won’t carry it around for the rest of my life, your out of your mind.”

She turned to him slowly, eyes softening “I know. I’m sorry. I’m just having a hard time with this.”

Mat reached forward and squeezed her hand “Me too, but you don’t have to go through this alone you know. You have so many people to talk to. The girls, me, Beau…” he trailed off.

She scoffed “Yeah. I don’t think we’ll be talking anytime soon.”

“Ginny I-“

But Ginny smiled broadly over his shoulder. Leighton had come out of the bathroom and was making her way over to them. Ginny pulled her into a tight hug, eyes closing. Ginny and Leighton had hugged a lot over the years, but this one was different. It felt like a hug you give someone when your planning to never see them again. Mat looked at his feet.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright. Just tired, but I’ve been stuck inside that apartment for days so I wanted to come out for a while.”

Ginny ordered her a water, Mat gave her his stool to sit on. She had just opened her mouth to speak when Beau appeared. Ginny felt a lump form in her throat as she looked him in the eye for the first time since she’d stormed out of his apartment. He gave Mat a slap on the arm, and Leighton a kiss on the cheek before his eyes landed on her.

“Ginny.” He said, lips pursed, hands stuffed in his pockets.

“Hi.” She turned away from him, for fear that if she looked him in the eyes any longer she might cry. It was silent for a minute until the rest of their friends made their way over, and the group fell into idle chit chat.

Ginny pushed her glass toward the bartender and slid off her stool, excusing herself to go to the bathroom. As she went to brush past Beau she froze.

Standing some feet away, was Kaitlin, grinning a mile wide. As the other caught her expression, and noticed Kaitlin, their group grew completely silent. Ginny felt her face get hot, and her blood begin to boil and before she knew it, her vision got dark and more rage then she’d ever felt exploded in her like a volcano, as she started to move.

“Ginny No!!!”

But it was too late. Ginny was already three steps ahead, reared her arm back and punched Kaitlin hard in the nose. Kaitlin screamed and she and Ginny went down in a tangle of arms and legs, profanities spewing.

Leighton made a move forward but Lauren caught her arm “Absolutely not.”

Marty and Mat both hurried forward and each grabbed one of the girls, separating them. Kaitlin was bleeding from the nose but Ginny was untouched.

“Don’t you ever come near my best friend again or I swear I’ll fucking kill you Kaitlin.”

Ginny was enraged, more angry than Mat had ever seen her, including the time she’d thrown the picture frame at him. She meant what she said. Kaitlin took off through the crowd and Ginny yanked her arm from his grip, turning to look at Leighton and then heading in the opposite direction.

Mat shared a look with Beau who nodded, and followed her outside. He found her behind the bar. She was leaned forward, hands on her knees, breathing through her nose. She didn’t look at him as he approached, but she knew he was there.

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly.

“Me? I’m fucking fine.”

Beau nodded and opened his mouth to speak again but she cut him off “Leave me alone Beau.”

“I was just-“

“I don’t care!” She snapped turning around sharply. She was angry, and rightfully so, though he wasn’t sure if she was more angry at him or at Kaitlin. Her eyes were wild, cheeks red, fists clenched at her side “I don’t fucking care.”

He supposed her deserved this treatment, it was him after all who told her to get out of his apartment, but he had hoped maybe her feelings for him would override any remaining anger she had.

It was evident now that he was wrong.

“Ginny can-“

“No we can’t. Leave me alone.” She said again quietly “ I don’t want to talk to you.”

She turned on her heel and disappeared back inside. He sighed and gave her a few minutes before he too went back inside. Mat and Leighton were saying their goodbyes, and Ginny was nowhere to be found. He glanced around before Leighton spoke.

“She left. And it’s probably for the best that she did.” Leighton looked drained, one of Mat’s hands on her lower back.

“Get some rest.” Beau said leaning forward to give her a hug. She nodded and turned away, giving him a tight smile.

“Well that went well.” Lauren said from behind him.

“You know what though? I can’t say I didn’t like it. I mean someone had to do it.”

“He’s not lying.” Marty said, leaning on the bar “It’s a shame it had to come to this, but I suppose it’s inevitable at this point. It’s gone too far.”

“It’s her own fucking fault. She’s the reason they found-“but Beau stopped himself.

“Found what?” Lauren asked frowning at him.

He sighed “Kaitlin is the reason Mat and Leighton found out about me and Ginny.”

They all swiveled to look at him, eyebrows raised.

“Are you kidding me?” Sidney asked.

“No. I’m not. She saw us together and set us up.”

“And how long has this been going on?”

“A few months.”

“And are you still-“

“No. But I don’t really wanna talk about it. I’m gonna just go home I think. Not really in the party mood.” He said his goodbyes and made his way outside. As he started to drive he lost track of his thoughts and soon he was parked outside Ginny’s apartment. He sat for a while, wondering if he should just go home.

Fuck it.

He made his way upstairs and knocked on her door. She answered and before she could say anything he opened the door and pushed inside, lips coming to meet hers in a heated kiss. She pulled him in closer by the arm as he kicked the door shut behind him. She pulled hurriedly at his jacket, shoving it down over his shoulders and yanking his shirt over his head. He hoisted her up and carried her to her bedroom, setting her down so she could removed jeans as he stepped out of his. She slip her underwear down and scorched back on the bed as he came to rest between her legs, firmly pushing inside her in one swift movement.

She gasped and closed her eyes, arching up against him. He kissed her again, slower this time as he had a came to rest on his lower back, fingers gripping his skin. He pushed inside her slowly, methodically. This felt different, he gripped each of her hands, fingers intertwining, and pulled them up over her head.

She was staring at him, cheeks red as he pushed deeper, eyes burning into his.

“Beau.” She breathed, eyes closing as he leaned down to kiss her very softly. He felt like he was about to burst, an emotion filling his chest that he’d never felt before. Her breath quickened as he gave his last few pushes, head falling into the crook of her neck.

He laid there, the feeling of her heartbeat and the sound of her breathing the only noise filling the room. And then he was kissing her, lips moving very slowly and softly against hers. As he pulled away and rolled off her, tears spilled from her eyes, and a large heaving sob came from her chest.

“Hey. Hey.” He said pulling her towards him “it’s okay. Everything is okay.”

He pulled her into his chest, and stayed with her as she broke down, not knowing what was going to happen, but being thankful that for right her and now, she was here with him.

#hockey fanfiction #nhl fanfiction #hockey tumblr #nhl fic #hockey fic #hockeyblr #nhl blurb #anthony beauvillier #mat barzal #hockey imagine #hockey tag #hockey writing #hockey smut #hockey fandom #hockey #nhl writing #nhl smut #new york islanders #nhl imagine #hockey fluff #nhl x reader #hockey x reader

[formulatrash]

What do you think of Juri Vips being with RLL at Long Beach? Is it likely that he will get a seat there? I don't know if you even know IndyCar stuffs but I don't know who else to ask 👉👈

I'm undecided of what I should think about him then again he did some sensitivity training and at least he apologised what other people Armstrong or Danny Ric never did. Do you think he should get another shot? You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable was just wondering.

the answer to this is: I don’t know. which makes me lean to the idea he shouldn’t. 

(to my knowledge Daniel actually did apologise, incidentally - I definitely remember it at the time; it wasn’t a stellar apology but it did happen)

with Jüri: a lot of what happened was not about him. Red Bull’s frantic response was not really about a junior driver doing something racist, it was about the fact they were increasingly getting a reputation as a racist team. the speed they acted about Vips was definitely accelerated by someone in Austria having realised there was a marketing consequence to the way the team had become associated with racist fan behaviour. 

that isn’t in any way to defend Vips or say that he shouldn’t have faced consequences: it was absolutely right he did. just that the consequences he faced weren’t particularly about him or what he did so much as they were face-saving for Red Bull to break its association to him. which means that, in addressing what he did or what it means to him, they weren’t necessarily very effective because that was never what it was about.

so a sensitivity course was a way of RB saying ‘we distance ourselves from this, this isn’t our institutional culture even though it is widely documented in the Hamilton commission report that in fact this is endemic to Formula 1′ rather than being something genuinely intended for educating Vips. 

he may have been undertaking more reflection and education since. he hasn’t spoken about it if he has but knowing how to speak publicly in a way that is useful rather than performative about that kind of thing is also not a hugely widely-available skill in motorsport and shutting the fuck up might be better, all things considered.

so the reason I don’t know is: I don’t believe the original consequences Vips faced were intended to teach him anything and I don’t know if he has learned anything since. 

even if he had: motorsport careers end all the time, prematurely. people run out of money and opportunities all the time. there’s always the call of becoming a hanger-on or a team manager or a driver coach (and those are the ones that stay in the industry) just the same cigarette-paper-width away as a barrier you either avoid or cause €180k damage into. 

so there’s no ‘fair’ about whether he comes back or not. it’s an unfair sport. being publicly racist is a better reason to end your career than a lot of the people I’m interviewing for my book who just ran out of ways to carry on. 

is he a good driver? yes, when he doesn’t lose his temper. even before he decided to drop racial slurs he’d been sabotaging his own results by making mistakes when he was in the lead and screwing up under pressure. whether that was the F1 seat being closer than before (I think he likely would’ve got the AlphaTauri seat this year if this hadn’t all happened) or the pressure of running simulator work and FP1s for F1 and then stepping back to the F2 car or the fact Hitech is a pretty aggro team or what, I don’t know. it wouldn’t excuse him being racist whatever it was - plenty of drivers have difficult seasons; Pourchaire’s last year in F2 was pretty mentally brutal but it wouldn’t get him out of dropping slurs. 

and an 11th place finish in F2 doesn’t at least showcase a generational talent, if there happens to be one in him. 

other people - well, person - disgraced for racism in F2 have found a home in IndyCar. Santino Ferrucci seems to have some sort bullet-proof cheque book that means he can come back from anything. I don’t think Vips is anything like as shitty a human being as Ferrucci (who terrorised his Formula 2 team mate with racial abuse, tried to run a Trump-supporting livery and then claimed he can’t be racist because he’s Italian before receiving a year-long PR tour from the IndyCar promoters)

the difference between Vips and Ferrucci - and also Vips and Armstrong, in terms of racers who’ve come out of F2 without stonking results and are looking for an IndyCar seat - is that he doesn’t have any funding. it was why he didn’t go to F2 a few years ago and had a sort of ambling junior career around anywhere Red Bull could find somewhere bargain bucket enough. so I don’t know that he’ll be outbidding anyone for an RLL seat, especially since his name isn’t going to be catnip to sponsors. I know he’s done some testing and is probably gunning for more, a way to impress enough to get seen. 

unfortunately - and I’m not saying this is right, it isn’t - the way that motorsport seats get allocated isn’t fair. it’s not about talent and it’s not about potential and sometimes it’s not even about money. I don’t call the shots on where Vips sits in that decision-making knot and I can’t read the minds of the people that do but there is a regular tendency for people to feel like they need to give white, cishet, male athletes another chance when they’ve faced any kind of consequences for something they’ve done that isn’t afforded to other people.

#cn: racism #motorsport asks #f1 asks #i guess somewhat

[rotationalsymmetry]

Sharing the last one without comment because I’m not sure I can add anything that won’t make the reblog chain strictly worse.

But. There is also a thing. About death. About disability. About inevitability.

Sometimes a thing is going to happen and you cannot stop it. Sometimes you have a terminal illness. Sometimes you have a permanent disability (or a disability where you don’t know how long it’s going to last, which is its own sort of agonizing.) Sometimes someone you love wants nothing more to do with you. Sometimes one nation invades another and you can’t stop it. Sometimes a species goes extinct forever and you can’t stop it. Sometimes your own fucking government does something that you know is incredibly harmful and you did everything you could to stop it and it wasn’t enough.

And one day the world will end, for any given definition of the world, and this is — tumblr, please, don’t make it possible for me to prematurely post things by sticking my thumb in the wrong spot once. I swear this didn’t used to happen what the fuck — not a thing people can ultimately stop. We may have some control over when or how. But not whether it happens.

And then again we may not control when and how, it may be like a wildfire that just burns until it’s done, it may be like cancer when the last treatment is no longer working, it may be like, well. Bad things happen. Things we don’t want to happen, happen, sometimes even when we are doing everything in our power to get a different outcome.

And for some reason people tend to read this sort of thing as “don’t try. feel sad and overwhelmed. curl up into a ball and despair and never move again.”

And how do you live your life that way? You are going to die one day. That’s not pessimism, that is a fact about reality. If “we may not be able to stop catastrophic ecosystems failure” means “curl in a ball and cry and do nothing”, surely also “I will die some day and I cannot prevent it” also means “curl up in a ball and cry and do nothing”, but you do things, right? You find meaning in transience and in tragedy, right?

And the idea that the end of the world hasn’t happened yet is very Western-centric because hey a lot of societies are in their post-apocalyptic period for some time now, and it’s traumatizing sure but “this sucks and is horrifying and many people in my family and community died younger than they should have had to” isn’t actually the same as “curl up in a ball and cry and never do anything ever again.”

I speak truth and you say despair. I am not saying despair. I am saying acceptance.

Sometimes you lose. That is truth. Do you need to be guaranteed a victory — or allow your mind to perceive no other possibility than victory — to be in the fight?

There is a place for finding meaning in what you do even when you do not expect your preferred outcome.

[mrs-snape5984]

Days like today are the worst. Since I’m struggling with ME/CFS, I cannot leave my house. I’m always in my dark rooms, often alone, always in silence. My children are absolutely worried about this situation, they need a strong mother…they need her mother, who I was before my disability made me weak…almost useless.

I’m always searching for medical help, for any possibility to get back some of my former strength. So, today I had another medical appointment…and I hate those days. It’s not just, that I can’t go there on my own, I need help and someone who helps me not to lose my orientation. I can’t filter light, different sounds and voices. And after that, I will have to come back to my bed, reuniting with the darkness and silence for days, or even weeks. Not able to talk or to hear any voices.

Today again, I lost control about the whole situation. It was too loud, too bright and all the people at the doctor’s office were talking in a mess. My body began to tremble, I had to close my eyes behind my dark sunglasses and I held my hands over my ears, desperately in need of silence.

I felt kind of embarrassed, sitting there like a crazy git! I felt the glances of the people on me. And then, in this situation, I did what I always do to distract myself from my environment: I imagined Severus behind me…embracing me. I imagined his caressing hands on my skin, calming me. I imagined his soothing voice, incantating a Muffliato Charm around us, excluding the world from our little bubble of safety.

I know, some people - honestly a lot - would find this behaviour strange for an almost 40 years old woman. But that’s what I do for 20 years now. When I’m feeling lost, no matter why, Severus will be there for me. When I fought for the life of my prematured twins 10 years ago, he was there. When I lived alone with them for the first 3 years, he was there.

In times when I feel surrounded from my own darkness, I think of this incredibly brave man, struggling with his own darkness. He gives me the strength to go on, not wanting to give up. He’s my inspiration, my friend, my everlasting love. He’s there.

PS: I’m sorry for any typos or if my text doesn’t make any sense at some points. I’m not a native speaker of this beautiful language.

#severus snape #snape love #me/cfs #disabilties #snape content #I love Severus Snape #i love him #me/cfs sucks #i want my life back