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redstringraven · 10 months

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in wake of the "don can't cook" post, here're my personal hcs on the boys and cooking (with also @plantdonutwrites addition of why mikey got into cooking lmao).

don: generally not great with cooking due to being spacey/easily distracted/losing track of time. can easily follow a recipe up until it's time to put something in the oven, leave it on the stove, or otherwise let the thing idle for a given amount of time. that's when we enter the danger zone. will forget to take meat out of the freezer to defrost. might set a timer for something, the timer goes off but he's in the middle of working, turns the timer off, says "i'll get it in a minute" and then a half hour later the food is harder than bricks. doesn't "burn water" but will forget he prepped water to boil and return to find that it's all evaporated and he has to start over. might do it a second time.

leo: great cook (sorry, fanon, i can't side with you on this one) and enjoys cooking/general meal-making, especially for his family. finds the process kind of therapeutic and very rewarding. this is one of the bonding activities he does with mikey, actually, and the two of them will often cook together. is the person who might wander around asking "hey, i'm about to make [insert meal] do you want any?" because he prefers cooking for more than just himself. especially enjoys discovering new 'family' recipes, perhaps passed down to him by april, angel, master splinter, or even usagi if earth 2 and 3 ingredients are similar enough to be substituted for. wouldn't surprise me if he asked about recipes during christmas aliens, from the folks who brought food.

mikey: excellent cook. has always been a bit of a foodie but, per jenn: 'he woke up one morning and chose Petty Violence and got really into cooking because he realized humans sometimes have 'a thing' where the people who cook don't have to do the dishes afterward, and doing the dishes is mikey's least favorite chore. so, if he cooks, he doesn't have to do dishes. wound up genuinely loving to cook. i like to think s1 mikey was like "i can scramble eggs!" and post s4 mikey is like "check out this souffle that i set on fire to caramelize and i made homemade mousse whipped cream enjoy".' as previously stated, cooking's become a bonding activity between him and leo, with leo preferring to stick to the recipe and keeping on task/track but mikey being a little more adventurous and willing to experiment and cook intuitively--especially during the times they might be a bit more limited on ingredients. they can make a mean meal together.

raph: can cook, prefers not to. rarely cooks for himself, and when he does cook he dabbles heavily in the "comfort food" and savory foods. when raph cooks, it's usually because someone needs the warm meal. maybe he has a sick brother, a sad friend who needs an old classic pick-me-up, or just senses the vibes are off in the studio today. so, here's the best grilled cheese and tomato soup combo you've ever had. don't ask him how he did it or how he knew what you needed. it's not important. just shut up and eat. you're welcome.

#;hannah's headcanons #;tmnt #;donatello #;leonardo #;michelangelo #;raphael #[ not putting this in the actual tag because i feel annoying jfkld ]#[ unsure if i'll keep the hc tag either but whatev; i'm very tired ]#[ i don't talk hcs often but seeing mine for don be ''''confirmed''' even loosely made me happy JFKLDJ ]#[ GOOD FOR HIM ]

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kxmikomrade · 1 year

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hellooo! Not many people ever write for the promised neverland fandom especially the manga so may I request a Oliver x reader (any gender)? Just general relationship headcanons please, if you could then maybe how he or the reader confessed. I hope that it's not too much 😅 Feel free to decline though and take care Kim! 😊💞

✧˖࿐ Oliver Relationship hcs

Order: Caffe Latte, Medium serving ham sandwich Genre: Fluff with a grain of angst Gn!reader Pronouns: Y/P (your pronouns) Type: Headcanons Requested! by: Anon! Warnings/Genre: !MAJOR-ish TPN MANGA SPOILERS! mentions of d3ath i think, probably some swearing and dats it just pure FLUFF Waiter's Notes: Hello traveler! ^^ please take care of yourself aswell, i hope this order will give you energy! Authors Notes: I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW DIS REQ, also I haven't designed my materlist/req page for TPN since I keep on forgetting. I haven't read the manga in like 11 months? so he might be ooc. And i think when u said 'demon world' u meant the human world, if not, i could start all over again, no problemo. BUT ANYWAYS ENJOY! :dd

•HE'S BF MATERIAL

•Husband material too 😳

•Ur hella lucky to have his heart wrapped around your fingers

•You guys had feelings for eachother for awhile now (years actually)

•So when you guys arrived and settled in the human world, he took up all his courage and confessed to you

•In front of everyone 💀

•Gillian was so happy that she was screaming, crying- actually no, SOBBING her eyes off and clapping LOUD simultaneously.

•And you were really embarrassed and happy that he liked you back

•Gillian lowkey planning ur wedding already

•IF SHE HASNT ALREADY WHEN SHE FOUND OUT U BOTH LIKE EACHOTHER THAT IS

•When u got together, u guys are so cute istg

•Lucas crying from heaven and Yuugo patting his back

•Literally what every couple dreams to be

•ZACK TEASES YOU TWO SO MUCH

•GILLIAN TOO

•AND SOMETIMES U THREE GANG UP ON OLIVER

•poor oliver

•Since your flirty, oliver's face is often the same color of his hair streak

•Though most of ur pickup lines r bad, it still makes him flustered

•''I thought happiness starts with an 'H'?'' ''?? it is?'' ''Then why does mine start with u?''

•THOUGHHHH, when he starts getting used to them, he MIGHT comeback at u

•''Are you a camera? bcs when i look at u, i smile'' ''Good, your smile makes the sun jobless''

•I think he needs to work on some of his comeback lines

•His hugs r so warm, he's a human heater but BRO. his hands r SO COLD

•Big spoon, but i feel like he would be more of a switch bcs he also likes being held

•plus points for u bcs u get to play with his fluffy hair

•head kisses bro.

•it doesnt matter if ur taller than him, ur getting head kisses no matter what

•Also, i feel like u guys would adopt a cat together

•and name it Luca bcs :')

•SPEAKING OF LUCAS- hes so proud of u guys that he cries bcs of it also yuugo but hes too shy to admit it

•U guys visit their graves (made in the human world) every week or two and u have a moment of silence

•just talking to them in your minds bcs u know they can hear u

•its a comforting silence between u both bcs u know Olivers there and Oliver knows youre here

•OKAY ENOUGH OF THE SAD STUFF

•U call him so many nicknames but mostly alongside 'Ollie'

•He's basic and just sticks to ones like 'Love', 'Sweetheart', 'babe'

•bro im 100% sure his food is MMMM

•Like Gillian's jelly bcs u get to eat Ollie's food everyday

•He's the ultimate malewife but he can also be ur husband 😉

•wedding? yes.

(457)

THATS IT LMAO RAN OUT OF IDEAS SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG

#[🗒️✏️]orderserved!#TPN x reader #the promised neverland #the promised neverland x reader #oliver x reader #tpn oliver x reader #tpn oliver

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sketching-shark · 1 year

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Given the interpretations of JTTW/Xiyouji - what is your opinion on when media or even solo creators make a romance for Wukong?

Especially since most of Wukong's romances in media end up played for tragedy as well as the fact that from a textbook analysis he seems very no love/no sex/only friendship.

Innocent interpretations for their personal enjoyment or does it feel more harmful to the character of Wukong as a whole and fetishy?

Given Xiyouji and Wukong in general has such an influential swathe over culture/pop culture as a whole and the uh...quite gross mishandling of him at times from Western culture (Ex. Making him some musclebound meathead who only cares for violence which doesn't only devalue his character but the East-Asian view of masculinity as a whole.) or Anime culture. (Ex; making him a 'Yandere' style obsessive partner which may be interesting when played off his previous lifestyle as a Yaoguai - but most of the time isn't and is simply played to be a 'love me or else' danger boyfriend.)

What do you think of it all? Especially with the prevalence of a lot of this stuff propping up due to LMK?

Feel free to read more if you want to watch me complain lmao

Hmmmm OKAY so I do need to preface this by noting that I've now run across a number of retellings/presentations of Sun Wukong composed by eastern creators that made me deeply uncomfortable or even straight-up be like "well I hope I forget that exists forever!" because of the ways in which the monkey king was oversexualized and/or painted into extreme grimdark territory. So it's pretty obvious that western creators aren't unique in some of the ways that Sun Wukong gets flanderized to hell and back.

And while being very much aware that what one sees in the west for free on youtube is a very small sample size of big-budget retellings of Xiyouji, a LOT of those retellings with a Monkey King romance have an incredibly samey plot of "Sun Wukong is a dick-->he encounters some lady and is a dick to her-->she likes him anyway-->he softens up a bit-->she dies-->he's sad-->her death still gives him the powerup needed to defeat the big bad." I know that the angle is tragedy but oh my god at this point the 500 year old text that presents Sun Wukong as a communal grandpa that will do literally anything for his family including challenging the heavens & how this comes back to bite them all in the collective ass BUT they still love each other very much and Sun Wukong never stops fighting for them and doing everything he can to make them happy and safe speaks far more to tragedy that's balanced out with hope & is far more original than many a contemporary retelling in my opinion! tbh i wouldn't be surprised if this was one of the reasons why Monkey King: Hero Is Back became so popular that it basically revived Chinese animation; it's one of those rare retellings that puts the emphasis on dad/protector of children Wukong rather than lover Wukong, and as a result 2015 SWK still seems to have a special place in the hearts of many.

But turning back to western creators in both individual and big-budget productions, I guess my main gripe would have to be not so much that your meathead/yandere/destructive monkey presentations of SWK exist (you'll find such depictions across the globe), but that these often seem to be undeniably the most popular, the most common, and at times the ONLY ways that the Monkey King is understood in the west. As it is eastern countries like China do seem to have their share of such depictions, but there's also a abundance of other understandings/portrayals of the Monkey King, including those of him being a dedicated and quick-witted being, a tireless protector of children, and oh yeah a literal buddha! I've joked before about how hellbent many western creators seem to be in taking the "intelligent" out of "intelligent stone primate," but looking over the ways that SWK is commonly presented in the west...well, can you really say that this isn't the case? Honestly at times SWK really feels like he's become yet another victim of narrative monoculturalization in the west, where one version becomes the Official one and barely anyone deviates from it. Personally I feel it particularly sucks that this Official version seems to have become one where the Monkey King is routinely presented as a destructive idiot whose only worth lies in this weird frenemies relationship to the Six Eared Macaque :( (though I will say it's kind of fascinating how western creators so completely rewrote the True and False Monkey King arc that it's the Six Eared Macaque and not Sun Wukong who's become the definitely preferred individual. Dude finally achieved his goal of replacing the Monkey King lol).

In a number of ways this disparity does make sense. Besides Xiyouji definitely not having the same cultural impact in the west as it does in the east, there's very few decent English translations out there, and even fewer that give due course to the entire story. As far as I'm aware the Anthony C. Yu translation is the only one to do so, and yeah it's understandable that many people wouldn't or couldn't make their way through 1,400+ pages worth of narrative and footnotes. Plus there's the added fact that the east has more traditions of monkeys being understood as tricksters, whereas in the west primates have long been framed as man's poor imitation with ties to the Devil himself, so you can get some sense of why/how SWK's destructive tendencies would be emphasized above all else. Plus it certainly doesn't help that the two(2) primary ways that western audiences are learning about the Monkey King & co. are through cartoony retellings, which are fine in of themselves but when that's the ONLY popular version you have well you are not going to end with a complex or even a positive impression of the Monkey King. And it definitely definitely doesn't help that one of those versions--even while it is a silly lego show--consistently presents Sun Wukong as an absolute failure that basically everyone either has good reason to be mad at or just flat-out hates. And yeah you see this getting emphasized even further in fandom creations a lot, with many a popular fan work being all about how Sun Wukong ruined everything and/or getting yelled at & punched for being a cataclysmic moron. Like hell there's a very good chance I'm not looking hard enough but I don't remember coming across a single piece of recent fan work for Monkie Kid that shows Sun Wukong actually being a good mentor or actively doing something positive. The emphasis is pretty much only ever on his relationship with Macaque, and for that how thoroughly he screwed it up.

So going back to your original question anon, I would say that in it's abstract the idea of giving Sun Wukong a romance isn't inherently a bad thing. It's just that (and maybe it's just me) for a variety of reasons, in both eastern and western creations, in both individual fandom and big-budget works, I've pretty much never seen it done well lmao.

#anon answered #monkey critical #sun wukong #monkey king #also romance for sun wukong seems to almost always make him an abrasive jerk #can we please explore some facets of his character besides that & being a goofy monkey

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sparklingbluerose · 2 years

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1P!Hetalia x Reader x 2P!Hetalia

One day, you had come across a pet shelter in which, you wanted to adopt a single cat. But instead of one, it seems all of them didn't want to let you go...

A/N: LEMME TELL YOU I ENJOYED THIS SO MUCH–

☆

TW: None! Have some very fluffy crack XD

GN! (Y/N) 《Other Genders Will Also Be Made》

☆

Ahahaha...it's just pure chaos, you don't know how it all suddenly happened but it did!

You seriously just wanted to adopt a cat. A single cat.

But why do you have like– 22 cats in your house? Oh yes, there's a very simple answer to all of that. You see, the cats just couldn't let you leave them 🥺

We have some very clingy ones, apparently. The owner explained no one has come to adopt any cat there in ages.

And as the very kind person you are, as usual you took all of them in no matter how hard it must be. Wow, what a nice person you are 🤡❤️

Sometimes it's hard, but hey, it was fun naming them.

You find it funny whenever they try to race into your bedroom very loudly to have you give them a bath.

Your house seems a lot more lively than usual because of them, and of course you don't mind. It was better than being alone for the rest of your life–

Feliciano often hides from Luciano, which always knocks over some of your furniture which you're devastated at.

Not all of them get along well but you try to...💀

Lots of eerie staring with Kiku and Kuro. Everytime they do it you just freak out at the cold auras radiating from them.

...You once tried calling 911 but remembered they're CATS.

Just you sitting sulking in the corner with all of the crazy cats and Ludwig tryna comfort you— good boi 👏

You always lock your bedroom door before sleeping because...you wake up to ripped sheets and a broken window + a running bathroom faucet. So yeah.

Never again will you adopt these hoes in your next life 🤡

Romano both loves and hates getting picked up by you. Like he goes from "PUT ME DOWN" to "i love you thanks"–

Honestly...sometimes you also have to admit that the cats can get a little weird. One time you woke up and went to make some breakfast but..

FELICIANO WAS INSIDE THE FRIDGE– WHAT?? ✋️💀

He was resting with the tomato sauce too. Oh, did he want some pasta? You still couldn't wrap your head around this..

Often times you'd see Flavio sleeping in a pile of your clothes as well. It was adorable but how'd he get in your-?

Ah, whatever. You'd let him anyways, it always seems like he likes being around outfits or sewing materials. Though it was kinda weird you guessed he just liked fashion or smth.

LMAO HELP YOU ALMOST BURNED KURO ON THE STOVE BECAUSE HE WAS CHILLING THERE–

He was camouflaged on the black stove lmao...😭

You would never forget that day when he looked at you with his red eyes in such disgust and rage-

But hey, you're on better terms now. All because you gave him some sushi and watched pokemon with him...well, whatever. As long as things are better.

Lutz and Gillen always like going on the table for some reason. Probably away from the dumbasses fighting–

You won't admit, you love seeing them get along.

...Honestly it's refreshing because of the daily cat chaos, just having a break from seeing all of that madness.

Same is true with Allen and Oliver whenever you cook something nice or bake some desserts. They love the smell and just watch you be peaceful with yourself 🌮🍪

..You think Arthur hates you. No, he's just a tsundere babes there's no need to worry. Don't be sad the next time he tries to wriggle out of your fluffy hugs–

Luciano also once napped beside some kitchen knives of yours but let's not talk about that...👁👄👁

All of them are so strange but you love them anyway.

"waIT ZAO DON'T DRINK THAT, THAT'S ALCOHOL–" ...that was definitely a day to remember.

Sometimes Zao and Yao don't get along. But when you tell them to they gladly oblige because you're...

#thebestownertohaveeverexisted ❤️

Also, mind you but maybe it would be a better idea to never let Francis inside your room ever again. Once he takes a liking to napping on your bed he WON'T GET OUT.

You act like the mom of everyone. But it's still true because you have to stop Francoiş from scratching Matthew.

Poor little cat is scared for his life...and you always have to pull them away from each other before Mattheiu joins in.

Also you don't wanna be around Ivan or Viktor all the time.

Dudes have such bad aura's and it freaks you out so much. You just probably hide in your room when that happens.

But Alfred just runs beside you and hides with you. Heck, ALL OF THEM DO. It surprises you how much they're freaking out more than you...oh wait, they're cats too.

You feed them all the food they like, but if it includes something they shouldn't eat you just give them smth else.

KIKU CUDDLES YOUR FOOT AAAAA 😭💞

He doesn't liked being touched but maybe when you nonchalantly just say–

"If you want you can just sit beside me or smth.." Look if you just say yes you'll have the best cat in the world. I wish i had a pet like this. They're feral.

Cuddle nights! Happens every Friday and Saturday. You just put up a movie hugging yourself on the couch then boo–

Gilbert sits on your head. He's a light cat somehow.

Then you suddenly have like...everyone sitting beside you.

But aww 🥺 you love them so much, you know that you can't ask for any better.

"Look, you guys. Stop fighting i love you all so much and i could never ask for a better life i'm happy that ya'll are here and that i won't be alone the entire time–"

You said all that in one breath. The cats appreciate you, homie. Never let them go.

Love them please, they deserve all of it 💖

(THIS IS LONG– but it means i enjoyed it XD)

Taglist: @stygianoir

#hetalia #2p hetalia #cat boy #fanfic #nice #i love them #x reader

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nycteres · 6 months

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Ira Deorum

WIP Prologue for longer fic | Fandom: BG3 | CW: Mildly implied child neglect.

Trying to actually write my dumb little BG3 Protag fanfic. 😭 Idk how far I'll get but i needed a place to store this that was easier than google docs lmao.

Bards and poets alike - the egocentric windbags that they are - have often said, ‘Home is the first grave’.

Aphrodite walks down a dirt and clay road - one she hoped she’d never have to set foot on again - and tries to put the saying out of her mind.

Red road dust licks at her heels. It’s clumped along the straps of her sandals, adding new grit with every step for the last several miles. The hem of her skirt is similarly soiled, clay and linen tangled together, swishing around her ankles sad and deflated.

Half-buried before she’s even reached the doorstep.

By the time the farmhouse comes into view, her tail drags across the ground. It carves little furrows, kicking up more dirt; covering the vibrant purple of her skin with a layer of rusty brown. It hooks on stones and pebbles and she lets it. A yoke she must drag forward. Feeling less like a Tiefling and more like a workhorse with every step.

No one greets her, not when the steps groan loudly at her weight. Not even when the door swings open on tired hinges, with a protesting creak.

Her mother stands in the kitchen, in the same spot she always has, as if she’d never left it in all those years. Sorting beans with quick hands and a tired air.

“Oh,” She startles when seeing her. Bringing a hand up to her chest and letting loose a dramatic sigh. “You gave me a fright there, we weren’t expecting you till tomorrow.”

“I walk fast,” Aphrodite says, doing what she must. Laying her pack down on a nearby chair and folding her mother into a hug.

She’s just a small as she was last time. Fitting neatly into the space at Aphrodite’s shoulder, hands creased and rough as they fiddle with her blouse, fastidiously tugging at garments that are still well in their place.

Her mother’s complexion is of a similar color, if faded by time and sun. Not an eye catching, violent purple, that Aphrodite takes pain to contrast against fine silks and glittering metals.

Her coloration is almost dun. A muddy violet, chapped and wind worn, one that looks dull even against Aphrodite’s third best traveling cloak. The one made of sensible, dark brown wool. The kind that wont offend her parents with its excess. It’s only concessions to her tastes being the scarlet flowers one of the acrobats in her caravan had embroidered around the hood.

Everything in the farmhouse is muted and weathered. The hug is too, even if Aphrodite lingers out of the vague sense that this is what she owes, as a daughter. Whether she wants to give it or not.

They break away after long enough has passed. Counting the beats in her head until she can unwind her mothers arms, step out of their reach with pity and gentleness and relief.

“In any case, we’re always glad to have you.” Her mother says, going back to her beans with a gentle pat to her shoulder. “I could always use the help. You know how they are.”

“Hard to forget.” She says, sunny; with a drawling trill to her undertone.

Aphrodite’s sarcasm is deftly ignored. The shelled beans falling into the container in little stuttered taps, like rain on a tin roof. Echoes that fill the awkward silence.

“It’s worse than any of the others I’ve had.” Her mother offers. “You’re welcome to try if you feel that confident. He’ll be in the bedroom. It’s a task getting him to come out some days.”

“Really?” She can’t help but needle a bit. “A seasoned veteran like you, done in by a single child?”

“I said it to that priest so he could write it down for me in our letter. And I’ll say to you again now. He’s an odd one. There’s something off about that boy.”

Aphrodite hums, a soothing two tone sound she uses on particularly uppity clients. Falling into the usual song and dance, an worn groove of Deflect, De-escalate and Disengage.

“Why don’t you show me where he is? I’ll see what I can do while you finish up.”

Her mother shoots her a particularly nasty and tired look. One that says that Aphrodite knows exactly where the bedrooms are located and should need no guide.

She doesn't back down, but rolls her eyes. Leaning against the solid oak dining table. One of the few pieces of furniture that doesn't look like it’s old enough to have seen the second sundering. The one that she sent them money for, when their last table broke.

“It’s five steps down the hall, it’s not going to kill you.” She cajoles with a nasty and tired look of her own. “He’s - what? - three, he’d probably be more worried if a stranger came in without him knowing who they are.”

She gets her way in the end. Even if the acquiescence comes with a disgusted sigh. Her guide stomping down the hallway with ill grace.

The door to the third bedroom is thrown open with little fanfare. When Aphrodite steps through, it’s like swimming against a current of Déjà vu. Old memories superimposed against the current floor plan.

It looks different now than when she was last here. Housing one child instead of several. None of the triplets’ effects randomly clutter the floor. There aren’t lutes and lyres and badly whittled flutes to serve as a tripping hazard to unwary visitors. But parts of it are still same in the end.

Faded curtains, a rickety pallet bed. An endless pile of mended blankets to ward off the chill.

“I’m afraid I offended him by trying to get him into a change of clothes this morning. He’s refused to come out since then.” Her mother - their mother - gives another deep exhale. A new kind of weariness in her tone, surprising after eight children. But maybe it shouldn’t be, if one considers what little time she had actually spent with them.

“You’re welcome to try your hand at it,” She offers with a shake of her head, heading back to the kitchen. Not remembering or not caring that she had asked for an introduction.

Aphrodite shuts the door quietly behind her. Cutting off escape routes. Intimately familiar with which hiding spots a small child might favor.

She doesn’t find him in the chest of drawers, or behind the shabby little dresser in the corner. But the creak of a floorboard alerts her to her quarry. Taking pains to move slowly, she steps closer to the bed, sinks to her knees and shuffles under it as best as she can.

He’s wedged against the wall, pillbugged into a stiff little shape. Horns dusted with all the cobwebs that accumulate near the edge of the baseboards, where no one ever sweeps.

“Hello there,” She greets him, taking pains to keep her voice soft and pleasant.

Her brother doesn’t respond. Watching, waiting. With black sclera and bright pupils, a blazing orange that hearkened back to the eternal fires of Nessus.

Not even the shadows can hide the ridiculous coloration of the rest of him. As pink as she is purple, contrasting sharply against the cream linens and homey ginghams that cover their home.

“Well,” She says dryly, not bothered yet by his lack of response. “At least you got some of my good looks.”

“Fate has preserved you from looking like father, in any case,” Aphrodite whispers conspiratorially, knowing children love nothing more than being included in a good gossip session. “Cherry red is very passé I’m afraid.”

He doesn’t respond. But she can see his nails digging gouges into the wood. Still, tense, quiet.

Aphrodite switches tracks. It's the mark of a good conman, knowing when tailor your approach to the current audience.

“My name’s Aphrodite. I’m one of your sisters. Why don’t you come with me, and we can get you something to eat.”

She holds out her hand, dusty with the filth that accumulates underneath a bed. Prepared to wait for as long as it takes.

Which is a while, in the end. A long, expectant silence. Broken only by the roosters crowing outside.

“I promise I won’t make you change clothes.” She whispers conspiratorially. Playing her trump card.

Basking in the success of the moment. When that little hand folds into hers, and lets itself be shuffled out from underneath the bed, cobwebs and all.

His name is Adrammael. A name that is as predictably long and awkward as all of his other sibling’s names. To speak nothing of her own.

Their parents don’t even have the grace to remember which one of them came up with it.

“It’s practically child abuse to make you write that out, when you start learning your letters.” She says to him one evening. When they both sit inside the run, warming themselves in the sun.

“You look more like a Dram to me.” Aphrodite decides with firm certainty.

If Dram has any opinions on the subject, he doesn’t care to share them. Preoccupied with burying his face into one of the chickens that he’s coerced into sitting in his lap. Making one of those odd guttural, humming noises he seems so fond of, muffled by a mouthful of feathers.

Aphrodite would rather swallow a particularly hot coal than admit to her mother being right about anything, but in the privacy of her mind, she is forced to admit. There really is something off about that boy.

Dram takes to her easily enough despite that.

She takes to him too, despite the myriad of difficulties that have stopped their parents from doing the same.

Chief among them being that he doesn’t speak yet. No matter what sort of threat or bribe he’s faced with.

Dram does not speak, even though he’s of the age to. But to everyone’s annoyance - even hers - he has no problem with screaming. He screams when he’s angry and when he’s upset and when they make him wear certain articles of clothing.

He’ll run away if the dinner contains certain vegetables he’s not too fond of. Crawl under the table to hide when they have visitors. Press his hands to his ears and start up a slew of truly concerning vocalizations if he’s forced into a situation that isn’t to his liking.

He’s a terrible handful of a child - despite having practically raised her seven other siblings, possessing more than enough experience with kids of his age - and there are times where Aphrodite fantasizes about going back to her old caravan. Letting her parents sort this one out by themselves. Learn the consequences of not using any kind of protection for once in their lives.

It’s a beautiful fantasy. If one that falls apart pretty quickly.

Crumbling to pieces a little more every time she wakes up and finds him in her room yet again. Waiting to follow her around the house from dawn to dusk. Trailing after her skirts with a solemn stare that seems out of place on his round, little face.

The thrill of it wears down sooner than she thought. Banished completely when she gets him to sound out a word or two after trying for weeks on end. Realizing that it’s not that he can’t, but that he doesn’t want to.

The way he doesn’t want to try yams and the way he doesn’t want to be around their father any more than she does. Scurrying under furniture when he enters the room. The tip of his tail poking out from his hiding places like an over sized rat.

It doesn’t help that her parent’s fall back into old routines easily enough.

Aphrodite’s here after all. No need to look after your own child once the free labor has arrived.

A resentment that grows and festers. Bubbling over when she sees him scoot a stool next to the cabinets one afternoon. Clambering up to the counter in the stumbling, uncoordinated way children of that size navigate the world.

Clumsy, but practiced enough to manage on his own.

A child who had learned to get into the pantry to feed itself, since her parents were still in bed and she hadn’t thought to offer him lunch yet.

Aphrodite watches him gnaw on slightly stale bread. Letting a solid century of grievances darken her thoughts and spur on her pettiness.

Home may be the first grave, but she's not very inclined to bury the hatchet alongside herself.

“Dram,” She says carefully, setting him down from the counter. Reaching for that foreign power that perches on the back of her mind and delights in her rash decisions.

“How would you like to go on a trip with me?”

Dram doesn’t say anything. Keeps working on his snack with single-minded determination.

But his hand winds itself into the fabrics of her skirt easily enough. Tail twining around hers, more at ease with Aphrodite than he is with anyone else. Despite how little time she’s spent with him in comparison to their parents. Barely six weeks, by the time she thinks to start scheming.

“I think you’ll have fun.” Aphrodite pats his head, knowing he won’t mind too much in the end.

“I certainly won’t. Considering how I’ll have to give up most of my social life.”

She sighs dramatically - heartfelt and whiny - in a way she feels that befits someone going through great sacrifice. Letting it all out before she’s forced to move on more actionable concerns.

“But first, we need to eliminate the chance of any surprises of this kind happening again.” Aphrodite relishes the thought. Urging him towards the run. Letting him play with the chickens while she drafts an amendment to a particularly tricky contract, and tries to puzzle out the worth of a foreign body part.

Fae did have an unsettling lust for such things. One which she planned to exploit in her favor.

#oc: dram #oc: aphrodite #my writing #txt.wav #is this good #who knows #but its here #and thats enough

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miru667 · 11 months

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hi there, miru ! it’s surely been awhile since i’ve visited your blog , and i was always shy to directly interact with you, but this time, i want to say a lot of things, and i hope you’ll find some time to read.

i remember how i stumbled across your account when i was 8 or so, around the time when you just started posting about the lorax and the fandom was growing up. at first, i simply checked your blog out of boredom as a kid since you were the only person i followed here, but later on, i really got interested and often would go back home from school and run to read your new posts, no matter what was it, just because i liked them, and i guess my little mind wanted to explore more about the fandom in general. (: i grew up wishing i was as “cool” as you, and really wanted to talk to you, but guess the unknownness made me nervous enough so i always brushed it off. and no matter how cheesy it sounds ,just going through your blog at least once a day helped me with most of my sad days. you were a huge affect to my childhood, and going through your page again after so long made me feel such a bittersweet nostalgia , i nearly cried catching up with things haha. you were the reason i found out about the lorax in general and joined the fandom , as well as inspired me to try drawing ( i remember using your art as a base when i was 12 ,,, but shhh, let’s keep it a secret (; )

it’s been so long since then, and sometimes it’s hard to believe how much i’ve grown up, as well as you did too. i’ll never forget these days when being a young kid i would try to redraw your onceler fan art , or make a small silly slideshows with your drawings to some goofy songs, LMAO. (i still have them, by the way… eugh. cringeee) and getting to spend my growing up surrounded by such an amazing fandom and amazing people like you has truly built me up as a person, and i couldn’t be more grateful i’ve found out about you back then, because i don’t know who i would be right now if i never did. thank you so much miru, keep going, be happy, and no matter how time passes by , you’ll always be one of my biggest inspirations, and i’ll continue looking up to you. <3

•

now , ending the cheesy paragraph above, i’m a little curious about some things, feel free not to answer them if you’re uncomfortable! i’m not pressuring you.

1 ; i’ll start off with a simple one. how are you doing, how’s life in general? (:

2 ; did you know that your small onceler height headcannon you’ve made back in 2013 is showing up on google as an actual height of his , making a lot of people (especially on tik tok. boy, they’re going feral over that fact…) believe it’s his canon height ? they’re actually saying it’s his actual confirmed height and etc. , so i was always wondering how does it feel to have your headcannon being considered by the whole onceler fandom as canon, haha. :D

3 ; speaking about tik tok, you mentioned you don’t have it at all. why don’t you try to get it, and post your art in there? trust me, a lot of people absolutely adore your work in here and considering the fact onceler fandom is apparently biggering again , that could be a nice idea , since personally i think you’re really underrated and deserve some more recognition (:

4 ; what’s your actual opinion on oncest? because honestly , i remember how people drooled over this ship to death back in 10s, however i was never really fond of it and,, you know what i meaannn, it simply didn’t feel right for me at all. (,: did you immediately start liking it since you have some art about it , and what are your thoughts about it now ?

5 ; how old were you when you joined the whole lorax fandom?

6; you obviously have a lot of good memories with the Onceler fandom , as i do too, but there is also some bad memories for me, and some that i wish i could completely erase from my mind haha. how is it for you? like, were there perhaps some situations that happened to you in the fandom that make you shiver in a pleasedon’tremindme way? i’d love to listen if there is some!

7 ; and , the last one. i literally have been a huge fan of your for awhile now , and i was wondering if you’d ever want to maybe ,, talk, y’know? and become friends , perhaps? ;;;;; i feel like i’m being too pushy atp ,but i’m still a little nervous so i’m sorry if i act weird,, (,: but either way, remember you’re amazing, and i hope you have a good day/night !!

thank you for reading my non-sense to the end, lol. i hope i didn’t take off much time <33

Omg,,,Q_Q?? Thank you for sending this message, I wouldn't have known otherwise that I've made such an impact on someone's life, like...it's truly humbling. You were 8?? 😭 And I was really the only blog you followed?? 😭 Back then I did not think about how others might've been using my blog; I myself had always been the one looking up to others, and here you were all that time looking up to me...I guess it's really magical, the way we don't know who in the world might be thinking about us. I hope you're doing well. Your slideshows are not cringe. Or rather, you were cringe and free, and I think that's wonderful.

For your questions then:

I guess I'm doing okay. I have friends who care about me, and I'm able to support myself with my job, so with those two things alone, I'm already very lucky.

If you mean this post: [link] I didn't make this headcanon! As you can see on the post, tumblr user torikabori made it, and I simply reblogged it. I think there's been a few fandom headcanons that have mistakenly been posted on wikis and tvtropes as canon, and I really wish it didn't happen that way, because I don't like misinformation being spread. I've said this before but if it's not in the Lorax DVD, or in any official interviews, or in any concept art, then it's NOT canon. Do not trust google, wiki, tvtropes, or word of mouth.

I,,, reallllllyyyy don't see myself getting into tiktok ;w; Having to be a slave to algorithms and numbers really turns me off, and I can barely keep up with posting on social media anymore. I've almost completely abandoned my instagram, and I'm half a year behind in posting my art to tumblr haha. So I wouldn't be able to keep up with tiktok anyway. Thank you for thinking I deserve more recognition though! 🥺

I think in the early years of the fandom I drew it because it was popular, but since then I've been more true to myself and I only draw what my heart desires now. So now I can say that I've never shipped oncest, though I've shipped onceler askblogs together before. And I'll always be a fan of 7212, though that's not the classic oncest we're referring to here. But I still support whoever does ship it, I think that's totally cool!

I was a young adult!

You are not alone, so many of us from 2012 have gone through bad times in the fandom at least once. For me specifically, it's been 11 years that I've been here, so do you think I could have avoided every single possible bad situation? ;) I won't be sharing any stories, but the onceler fandom would not be what it is today without both the good AND bad, I guarantee you that.

You can feel free to message me anytime you like! I'm not much of a talker since I'm often busy, and I rarely ever message first, but I'll always be courteous to anyone who messages me. As for friendship, I think it should just happen naturally, if it happens!

#miruask #alicecaaaaat #thank you again for this sweet message!!!#okay wait but what were you doing on tumblr when you were 8 ksdjhgjkd AHHHHHH #i didn't even go on the internet until i was 13 it truly is a different world now #i didn't have any social media until i was 17 or 18 #oncelersapologist

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weirdthoughtsandideas · 2 years

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Alrighty so the final episode!

PLEASE say Maddox and Jet will be back next season. I need them to be. These siblings made the season tbh.

KOURTNEY!! Made me cry once again. The way everyone turned on their flashlights and she continued to sing 🥹🥹🥹 MY BABY

I could not care less about Rina or Portwell. I like all characters individually. I feel bad for EJ and I hope he gets to confront his dad. I am proud of how far Ricky has come. And I am happy Gina is starting to figure out what she wants. But I don’t care who dates who.

Fuck Channing 🖕🏼

Nini’s departure! Also the fact that she leaves opening night cards!!! I really hope she actually does do that in S4 too even if she’s not around

Why are they all so shocked over the trailer? They knew they were just acting bitchy and that they would make it more dramatic than it was.

DID WE EVER FIND OUT WHAT THEIR CAMP NICKNAMES WERE

So now we’re here with… my sweet and wonderful Ashlyn. The character that I think the fandom, to be honest, has been a little harsh on this season. Y’all started calling her annoying, ”out of character”, ”she’s gonna cheat on Red with Maddox/Val 🙄”. No?? What happened to you all being so happy and supportive for Ashlyn in S2 only to immediately bash on her?

I like Redlyn just fine. They’re very cute. ”I’m Ashlyn’s boyfriend and I’m bi” was the funniest thing I have ever heard, though I am slightly unsure why Red was even in the documentary lmao (and I don’t know if he was supposed to say something else and he said wrong/they cut what he actually said lol, but nonetheless it was very funny). I am completely fine with them being endgame - but I hope you all don’t forget that Ashlyn did have a self discovery this season.

Yes, Redlyn are cute, Redlyn are bicons, yes I agree. But what bothers me a little bit is the fact that many people have basically barely mentioned Ashlyn when talking about this season, except when they talk about Redlyn in the last episode. Where were you to say anything in ep6 with the firework hug? Where were you in ep7? 90% of what you seemed to talk about was Rina or Portwell. It leaves me a little itch when people just apparently don’t have anything to say except when she reunites with her boyfriend, and that’s when they even mention her. Even if I find Redlyn cute, this wasn’t a Redlyn season, it was an Ashlyn self discovery season.

Yes, you can talk about what you want. Maybe I am a hypocrite since I barely talk about Rina or Portwell. But this is actual WLW representation and it’s a little sad with specifically WLW representation, cause people are always so much more celebratory with MLM representation - like with Carlos and Seb, people immediately are like ”😍🥳🕺🏼❤️” but when it comes to WLW representation, it almost always feels like people are more like ”🤷🏼‍♀️”. This is why so many WLW shows gets cancelled, cause there’s not as much viewers, cause with queer rep people rather prefer two boys rather than two girls.

I often recommend the show ”Tudo Igual SQN” (All the same or not) on D+ for people who has watched HSMTMTS, especially people who likes Ashlyn and Maddox. There’s two characters named Pri and Trix who are very similar to them. But I feel like, if all of the HSMTMTS fandom would watch that show they would probably focus on the ”str8” ships a lot more than Pri and Trix. Probably focus a lot more on Trix and her boyfriend.

Did I want Ashlyn and Val to be together? No, Val is a lot older and in a whole other place in life. Did I want Ashlyn and Maddox to be together? I’ll… get back on that.

Maddox is another character people just don’t mention in this season, and often when they do it was either to go ”she’s annoying 🙄” or comment on her just saying something. Not a lot of people seem to comment on her storyline or the fact that she has a crush on Ashlyn.

What I want for Maddox is that she comes back in season 4 and talks to Ash. We see the documentary trailer and it seems like they will make it seem like Maddox is in love with her - which probably will cause some drama. I bet there’s gonna be drama for all of them over it.

Ashlyn seemed like she had some doubts with Red in the last ep, but she didn’t want to make him feel bad. We’ll see how it goes with that. The documentary will stear up some drama. If Redlyn stays together and is endgame, I’ll be happy for them. If they break up and Ashlyn ends up with Maddox I’ll also be happy (though, I also hope they can do it justice - I do want everyone to be happy). And if Ashlyn, Red and Maddox all end up single I’ll also be happy for them.

I also think Kourtney deserves her own little part here, because y’all were sleeping on her too this season. She plays ELSA and needs to be treated like the queen she is! Her anxiety storyline was so good. Her scenes were the only times in the entire series when I cried. When she climbed the wall. When Channing turned off the lights and she stood on stage, TEARS came for me when she started singing again and everyone cheered for her. I am so proud of Kourtney. She is so good. The only one who has gotten me to cry TWO TIMES in a show I barely felt a bit sad with last season.

Conclusion: For me, and me personally so this ofc does not apply to all of you, the characters who made the season the most for me was Ashlyn, Kourtney and Maddox. Everyone else was fine, but those three ladies really made it for me ❤️💜💙

#hsmtmts #maddox x ashlyn #maddox hsmtmts #ashlyn caswell #kourtney greene #high school musical: the musical: the series

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viola-halogen · 6 months

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Thanks for the tag @prince-rowan-of-the-forest (ignore how long it’s taken me to get round to this I kept forgetting about it lmao)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22! I think I’ve written a decent amount but I’m always hoping to increase that number.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

167,433

3. What fandoms do you write for?

There’s not really a proper answer to this question cause I’m not writing regularly at the moment (life has been very hectic as of late and I’ve not had the energy or motivation.) The latest fandom I wrote for was Good Omens, which is a fandom I would like to write for more in the future.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Away from Watching Eyes (57)

4. Time Well Spent (69)

3. Tensei Iida: What it Takes to be a Hero (70)

2. Here and There and Gone Again (93)

1. The Three Musketeers of Quirk-Related Chaos (206)

There’s quite a leap there from 2nd to 1st lmao

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes I do! Although often I don’t really know what to say, I’ve written so many variations of “ah thanks :)” in my time.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably my fic with the angstiest ending is Are There Still Beautiful Things? (from my oneshot collection Let There Be Light) although that one was sort of bittersweet too. If I had ever written the 2nd and 3rd parts to Everything We’ve Ever Done it would have caught up to Charlotte disappearing and the group falling apart so that would have had an angsty ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Tensei Iida: What it Takes to be a Hero. That fic was very angsty along the way but the ending I think was pretty feel-good (also it’s one of the only multi-chapter fics I ever actually finished.)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I’ve never got like, proper hate, but there was one regular commenter on a fic once who basically disagreed with every choice I made in that fic and would always try to debate my writing with me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope. I don’t think I’d be very good at writing it and I’d be worried about it being awful. I’ll leave that to people who know how to do it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

The closest thing I’ve written to a crossover was my BBC Ghosts vampire AU which was very heavily influenced by WWDITS.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of.

12. Does not exist apparently

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

As they said in their response, I’ve written a few things with @prince-rowan-of-the-forest, but none of it’s ever been posted.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Yeah I don’t really have one seeing as I tend to change fandoms every few years, and though I do sometimes get briefly sucked back into old fandoms they don’t usually hold the same appeal to me anymore. That said, I have to mention Will/Lyra from HDM because they were one of my first ever ships, back before I knew what shipping was, and there is still a major place for them in my heart now.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I am so sad I fell out of the MHA fandom before I finished TTMOQRC. I had so much planned for that universe that I really wanted to write and it will forever haunt me that I never got to get it all out there. I also wish I’d written more for BBC Vampires because again I had loads of ideas but that AU got so little engagement it was hard to keep my motivation for it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think my dialogue is pretty good, and I think I’m quite good at characterisation. And I think I come up with a lot of good ideas (specific, I know.) I think I’m good at writing characters’ thought processes too.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Coming up with coherent plots can be ridiculously hard sometimes. I’m also terrible at sticking with WIPs which is why so many of my multi-chapter fics are unfinished.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it’s really cool! And it’s something I’d love to do! When I was obsessed with 1899 a while ago I really wanted to write an Ángel/Ramiro fic with dialogue in Spanish because Spanish is probably one of my biggest special interests and I loved the idea of combining it with my current hyperfixation at the time.

However I do think it’s a really hard thing to pull off cause not everyone’s going to speak the language the dialogue is written in and I don’t want to alienate people. And having read some fics where the dialogue was in languages I don’t understand and the translations were included in the notes, I know that sometimes it just doesn’t work.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Shadowhunters. It was written in a notebook and was about a bunch of OCs I made up.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Probably Here and There and Gone Again because I was nervous to write for the Good Omens fandom because of all the amazing fics I’ve read and I was really pleased with how it turned out in the end. Everything We’ve Ever Done is also one of my faves because when I wrote it I was fixated so hard on those characters/that part of the story so it was a real passion project for me.

Tagging: @natequarter @ailendolin and anyone else who wants to do it cause I’m stuck for who else to tag.

#tag game #fanfic #ao3

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hekateinhell · 1 year

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human aus of tvc are so much fun idk why people don't write them more often! i've had this plot bunny of l/a living in a ramshackle paris apartm. armand lives above lestat and he has this ruggish bf (santino?) and the guy isn't scared of armand's friend/neighbor bc he's never seen him & only heard he's gay, blonde and a ballet dancer so absolutely no threat right? Well SIKE bc one time he yells armand a lil too loud & suddenly his door is kicked open and a blonde beefcake has him in a chokehold

I actually think about the why part of this question a lot, because (obviously) I love a good AU! In my opinion, it's because of our fandom's very complicated history with fic that has continued to influence VC creator culture today. I think a lot of people do want to be creative and experiment, but (and maybe it's just me, I don't know) I get the feeling like collectively there's this sense of waiting for someone else to do it first that will indicate it's acceptable to play outside of the box.

Whether it's beyond writing the juggernaut ships (Loustat and Devil's Minion) or exploring kinks (this is a very kinky series, people!) or the endless possibilities of AUs, there's a certain audience for everything and I find people do respond pretty well to something different! It's always with a sense of surprise too, which I find funny and interesting and little sad, because it's nothing that you'd be batting an eye at in most other fandoms from what I can tell.

But because we're a fandom that only recently has started writing fic in the open (recently in comparison to our almost 40 years of existing), I feel like we're only just now starting to be that much more adventurous in a sense. You can talk openly, exchange content openly, it's a very different landscape than it was before. So I'm excited to see what the VC fic offerings will look like in a year or five years from now—it feels promising!

I got carried away lmao I HAVE THOUGHTS, but let's talk about this plot bunny. I just have to say... the image of Lestat kicking down Santino's door like the Big Bird gif laid me the fuck out. Anon, PLEASE. 😭 (Also not a bad analogy for how he came barging into Armand's cemetery self-imposed cell, from Armand's POV).

It's very sweet to think about Armand and Lestat starting off as friends! I always imagine that Amadeo and mortal!Lestat would've gotten along beautifully (they would have both fallen into the canal lbr). And Lestat's so protective of him in canon, it translates well. 🥹

Of course, Armand isn't going to tell his abusive boyfriend much about his friends and what he does when he's on his own. For a bit of a darker theme... maybe Santino's also his pimp? Armand doesn't tell Lestat any of this, he's too ashamed and hates appearing weak, and he just wants to forget his problems in the few moments where they can hang out on the front steps and share a snack and a cigarette. And Lestat might have his head in the clouds sometimes, but he's not stupid. He hears things, sees how Armand shrinks into himself and ignores him completely if Santino's around, won't speak unless told to, etc.

Lestat's young though, and not thinking how he might be worsening the situation by acting so rashly. Even though Armand's going to be grateful later, he's horrified in the moment knowing that Lestat's just made himself a target of Santino's gang in the future. And that Santino is going to think Armand's been running his mouth to Lestat and he or one of his buddies be taking it out on Armand the first chance they get.

Insert lots of drama, hurt/comfort, sex... Lestat and Armand eventually run away together and start over in New York City. Similar crappy apartment, only they're safe and together, and they live HEA.

~ fin

#this was a smorgasbord of a post #fandom thoughts #au thoughts #armand/lestat #vc #you ask and hekate answers

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diabolikpersonals · 2 years

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I'm here to "bless" you with more Shuuma scenarios, so what if Shu accidentally made Yuma real sad maybe even cry (like they're were arguing and Yuma got a bit too frustrated or Shu accidentally said something that hurt Yuma a bit too much *gasp* maybe accidentally said something bad about his scars, Idk why would he do that but sometimes things just slip) now Shu has a sad Yuma and three mad Mukamis after him. What will he do? Since we all know that he really isn't the best at apologizing or it might take him a lot of time and all his pride away. Will he just drop his all pride apoligize (I mean he would do that for Yuma, right?), comfort Yuma and still get AT LEAST THE Death talk from the Mukamis OR will he pull it off as he usually does and not apologize but get attacked by the three mad Mukamis and make Yuma REALLY sad *gasp again* maybe even a bit insecure? ("what if I'm just not good enough to apologize from" or "He actually meant what he said/did he feels that way and maybe he is right) DISCUSS..

(also sorry if there are grammar mistakes English is not my first language)

OHHH shu apologizing to yuma??? anon you've picked a great topic!!!

you've touched on stuff that's happened in canon so if anybody is curious, I recommend yuma's LE route and the shu vs yuma cd! for all your "shu makes yuma upset and then tries his best to apologize" needs :) yuma even cries!

this is a very relevant thing that happens to shu and yuma frequently! shu, in his mind, has had a lot to feel apologetic for. he spends a lot of time feeling deeply guilty, but it's not really as simple as apologizing most of the time. for one thing, shu often feels that he can make up for the suffering he caused yuma by avoiding him (so he can't hurt yuma again!!) or torturing himself (he attracts yuma's hatred on purpose, because he thinks he deserves it!!). of course, we know these aren't good apologies, and yuma knows that too! I think yuma's tried to rid shu of these habits, but that's not so easy either

I'll point to some healthier apology attempts from shu, too, so you know that he really means it and he's trying: in LE, he does his best to revive the flowers in Eden's garden for yuma. and in the shu vs yuma cd, he tries to apologize using words! this only doesn't work because yuma cuts him off before he can finish.

...which is why there's an extra layer of difficulty to apologizing! yuma often just doesn't want to hear it!

I think there's complicated reasons for this. yuma is really frustrated by how guilty shu feels, in a way. yuma feels as if he's a new person now—Yuma Mukami rather than edgar—and he'd rather that shu recognize him as Yuma Mukami. this means letting go of the past and all the guilt in it, which is difficult for shu to do (I mean, he spent hundreds of years being guilty!!). at our current point in the dialovers story, yuma's already forgiven all that stuff anyway, so he says.

the good news is that yuma tends to just forgive people on his own. you'd be so surprised. I'm especially thinking of shu's LE route when reiji made this big deal of atoning for the horrible things he did to yuma and yuma's like "what the fuck are u talking about, I already forgave u for that" LMAO

OKAY........now that I'm done talking about canon...............

in the scenario ur describing, I think if shu made yuma cry, he'd start by giving him lots of space. I said that nicely, but really what I mean is that he'd avoid him. and go mope in bed forever. then he'd get hella yelled at by the rest of the mukamis, like "DUDE go talk to our brother right now!!!!!" but shu would rather, um, find something he can do rather than something he can say.

when shu's finally ready to make the big brave step of apologizing rather than running away, I think yuma would wave it off. change the subject quick. act like nothing happened. it's less awkward like that, right? it's embarrassing that he cried anyway, so forget it.

but I really like ur idea!! that even if yuma goes "eh, I'm over it" he's actually, deep down, still feeling hurt and insecure!!!! and right now they're in the middle of this misunderstanding where, like, shu can't apologize and yuma can't accept an apology!

in the end, I want to have faith in shu and believe that he'll get to the heart of the problem. he'll address the actual hurt that he caused yuma instead of just avoiding him, and he'll put real effort into something that will appropriately make up for it. and it'll be something that yuma has no choice but to accept. (I'll point to the "making flowers bloom" scene in LE, since it was so beautiful and so fitting :'D)

...then I think yuma will cry again ^^ but not out of sadness or hurt this time. he just didn't realize how badly he needed this. it's not always good to just brush things off when you've been hurt. then when he says "I forgive you" it means way more.

#text #shuuma #it's SO LONG I'm sorry

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birbfeeder2artisticboogaloo · 9 months

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I DID IT!!!! I FINALLY FECKING DID IT!!!!! I REWATCHED THE ENTIRE LOTR TRILOGY!!! and do i EVER have some tHOUHGTS hdosidhsaodi below the cut ✨✨✨

FIRST THINGS FIRST:

was it as good as i remembered??

short answer: yes!!!!!! long answer: oh my gfucijing go d soj shjues us god mother of shitw yEes yes yseeeessss 😭😭😭 (baby birb had better taste than present birb but don't tell anyone i said so 👀)

there are loads of things i missed before, as well as things i didn't understand, but i understand them now :'D it always gave me that wriggly weird feeling in my chest even as a kid, just like 'lilo & stitch' or the song 'reflection' from mulan, but i didn't know WHY. turns out, these things touched my heart and it scared me, bc emotions have always scared me. but ive learnt to appreciate them as well. not all tears are an evil. i know what gandalf meant now :'D

does it hold up????

in my opinion, it does!!!! some of the cgi may look a bit wonky to modern eyes, but for the most part it's totally fine, if not better looking than some more.....recent films 👀 i've never been a great fan of slow-motion, but it's used mostly effectively here, to enhance the drama as opposed to taking up space (sure the feckers are long enough without it anyway 🤣) the core message of the film is beautiful and timeless. there is hope and goodness and love in our world, and it's worth every ounce of courage in our hearts!! it's as true today as it was when the film was made!! as true as it was when jrr tolkien wrote his stories!! if i believe in anything at all (much as i often profess i don't) it's only that our world is worth fighting for.

are u still after shipping aragorn and legolas??

YEAH. IM BASIC SO WHAT??? i JUST LIKE IT OK. I JUST. LIKE IT ;A;

will u be making more bad jokes now??

OF COURSE I WILL!! do u even KNOW me it's like u don't even KNOW me wtf. there's just a lot this time so. OK HERE GOES 💪😤

i can't believe smeagol was always just. like that lol. baby birb did not realise it was the same character as gollum btw. baby birb was. silly 👀

THE CAIN INSTINCT PREVAILS ONCE MORE!!!

'wake up, sleepies' is how i greet my cats in the morning btw

lol merry and pippin look high as FECK. baby birb didn't understand that lmao, i thought they were just tired 🤣

well, at least the gang are back together!! (mostly ;A;) merry & pippin dancing on tables, eowyn bringing aragorn a drink....good for them :'D

also!! nice pyjamas, lads!!! they all look so cute omg ;A;

THE ORB!!!! that's great, we here on tumblr love orbs, this is-----oh shit is he dead?? *SHOVES MERRY*

omg when aragorn grabs the orb and falls over and then legolas grabbed him 👀👀👀 I JUST WANT THEM TO KISS OK

the third act break up btwn merry and pippin is so sad 😔

aaAAH!! A CHILD!!!!! D: scary!! ;A;

every time elrond says 'there's nothing for u here' i keep hearing 'this is a DECENT town and a LOCAL shop!! there's nothing for U here!!!' lmao 🤣

the king's hall at minas tirith could use a few throw rugs or sth tbh, maybe a couple paintings. bit sparse in there really :P

right i'll just say it: the witch-king's fell beast's head looks like a di--

YAAAS PIPPIN LET'S DO SOME ARSON!! :D

aragorn's arm-flail run is back and it sparks so much joy i love him i love him i love hi

i've counted THREE (3) BLATANT WILHELM SCREAMS across these films!!! one in ttt, and TWO in rotk!!! incredible

i can't believe denethor says 'yeah i wish u died instead of ur brother. rip i guess' 😐 TO HIS FUCKING FACE!!! evil. faramir's gonna remember that FOREVER. u got to be careful what u say to ur kids bc even if they don't bring it up again, they will never ever forget. my dad called me 'useless' once when i was 15 and i still think about it sometimes. DO NOT SAY WEIRD SHIT TO UR KIDS. IM BEGGING U ;A;

despite denethor's A+ parenting, faramir is a nice guy, totally willing to lead his men on a death march to a fight they can't possibly win, throwing away their lives (and their horses) on an impossible task for the futile hope of making his father love him. rip 😔

NICE SINGING PIP!!! reminds me of irish sean-nós singing, traditional music from ireland ;A; (here's an example :D)

ngl watching denethor eat is like watching the Dinner Scene from texas chainsaw 1974 👀

OH LOOK DAD'S HERE!! hi dad!! thanks for not giving us any facial expression as a hint to what dad wanted, theoden, ur so. helpful ._.

'hey so listen ur gf is dying and since she's my daughter that means i have to make sure U don't die so. here.' *SWORDGASM*

actually that sword was baby birb's fav bits. baby birb LOVED swords ;A;

THE WORST BIT. eowyn tries to confess her feelings and aragorn rejecting her is SO PAINFUL AND AWKWARD AAA ;A;

BEEG DRUMMERS IN THE ORC ARMY!!!! and SIEGE MACHINES!!

legolas squinting at the ghost like 'this guy SUS'

aragorn's 'u WILL suffer me 😠'

it never occurred to me when i was a kid, but the gang are doing a bit of fucking. NECROMANCY here aren't they??? like???

wait who tf is iorlas

OH is it that hot blond??? NICE. i like him >:3c

being a wizard is cool bc u can cast spells OR if ur gandalf u can use the staff to wHACK DENETHOR OVER THE HEAD!!!! he's got a shillelagh and i'm glad of it 😌 (baby birb used to listen to da's political music and one of the songs had a line about being 'whacked with a sprig of shillelagh' which i got a kick out of 🤣)

'we should TAKE the broken city pieces and THROW IT AT THE ORCS!!!' :D (read it like the spongebob meme pls)

'GROND! GROND! GROND!' ('grond' refers to the biggest door-knocker EVER)

gollum u need to stop fat-shaming sam, ur being #problematic and they're gonna cancel u 😩

'CRUMBS ON ITS JACKETSES' lol silly that's a CLOAK!!

OH FECK FRODO'S ALLERGIC TO SPIDER BITES!! ;A;

it might actually be easier to carry him in that cocoon

'don't go where i can't follow' FUCKING KILL ME 😭

[women screaming]

i still don't know what an eored is. or WHY i don't know. why

denethor re-enacts 'flashdance' lol (except he intends to burn himself and his son alive)

OH SHIT THE MAD MAX COSPLAYERS ARE HERE

oh no!! uncle's horse!!! (oh and uncle, oh no!)

HERE IT IS. THE LINE WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. I AM NO MAN!!! rip uncle tho lol.

can't believe he really pulled the 'u should smile more, ur so pretty when u smile' rubbish before 😒

WOW we should have hired ghosts AGES ago, they can go thru walls and everything!!! O_O

MERRY AND PIPPIN ARE BACK TOGETHER!!! yay~

sam is SUCH a badass, look at him go!! 'AND THAT'S FOR MY OLD GAFFER!!!' adding to his kill count with tears in his eyes :'D

sauron moving his beam around like 'EYE SEE U!! EYE AM LOOKING UPON U!!!'

aw feck frodo's doing the jesus thing where he falls down a few times but has to get back up ;A;

'a day may come when i stop memeing on this line....BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY!!!!!'

lol they're bullying gollum, u love to see it 🤣

SAM STOP BEING PERFECT FOR FIVE SECONDS CHALLENGE LEVEL: IMPOSSIBLE

DO IT KING!! TOSS THAT SHIT!!!!

'what are u waiting for?!' 'i've got to give it a chance to defeat me, it's only sportsmanlike, sam!!!'

LEGOLAS'S FACE. WHEN ARAGORN FALLS DOWN. u can see his mouth go like 'ARAGORN' but it's slow-mo and silent ;A; he just starts shoving ppl out his way to get to him hdoasdiasadisj im. gay

AND THEN THE VOLCANO. and pippin sobbing 'FRODO!!!!' ;A;

god all this lava and frodo and sam haven't got any shoes smh

'uhgh i had an awful dream where my finger got chomped off by this freakish little----OH HAI GANDALF!!!!'

his friends are so happy to see him, they are all so happy omg ;A; THE SHIRE THEME STARTS PLAYING WHEN SAM ;A;

tbh sam and frodo could have made out at ANY point and it would have been less gay than. whatever tf had been going on btwn them the entire trilogy 👀

aragorn singing all elfy adn handsome an di love him i love him i lo

legolas all done up as well, they do a mutual shoulder clasp and he's all demure they look like a fecking WEDDING ok they are getting married ;A;

lol arwen looking out from behind the banner like 'PEEK A BOO!!' always sends me 🤣

(another thing that always sends me: legolas and gimli keeping track of their kill count lmao 🤣)

AND THEN ARAGORN DOES A BIG SMOOCH ON HER IN FRONT OF EVERYONE??? INCLUDING HER DAD????? 😳

'my friends, u bow to no one' SIR UR FRIENDS ARE TERRIFIED (except pippin, he's ok with attention 😌)

THE LADS GO HOME!! SAM GETS THE GIRL!!! THERE'S A WEDDING!!! then the sad bit ._.

side note: galadriel is low-key terrifying and i love her for it. she is such a FREAK, idek how to explain it or why i think so but i just. do 👀 she talks and there's a reverb on her voice, she smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes!!!!! SCARY 👀

'not all tears are an evil' fuck u gandalf stop stabbing me in the heart over and over, ur bullying me ;A;

WOW NICE JOB NOT PREPARING UR FRIENDS FOR UR DEPARTURE AT ALL FRODO!!!! jfc u could have at least TOLD THEM, this is FAR more traumatic and shocking!!! >:V

awww he and gandalf hold hands tho omg 🥺

THEY'RE ALL CRYING AND IM CRYING AND IM UPSET AND BABY BIRB LEFT THE ROOM ALREADY ;A;

and then they SAILED OFF INTO THE SUNSET!! for some reason. (oh right!! great war allegory 😔)

TINY BABBY HOBBITS!!!

THE END!!

#aaaand that's a wrap!!!!#birb rewatches the lotr trilogy #just as good as i remembered if not BETTER #or well 'better' bc i understand more than i used to 😅#it makes me cry but im glad i watched it again #it's good for u sometimes :'D #it is ALSO emotionally exhausting and physically draining #i passed tf out and idk if i'll be much good for anything for a while at least #lmao im literally so weak that a 3 and a half hour film can bring me to the brink of DEATH #brb dying of victorian novel disease lmaooo 🤣🤣🤣#birb watch #thanks very much to anyone who bothered reading these btw!!!#hohoho how delightful #this was good fun 😊#now i needd a fecking REST OK ;A;#lotr #rotk #lotr trilogy

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papirouge · 9 months

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You know, this is pretty silly, but I'm kinda starting to dislike the term "PoC", mostly because its used so often when it doesnt make sense. Like I still recognize its usefullness sometimes, but many times I'll see phrases like "POC are usually considered dangerous and threatening". Like I'm sorry, but in what world are asians considered scary or dangerous, or light skinned hispanics and native americans? It's literally only black and brown people that are seen this way. I dont know why so many people like to group every single non-white together when our experiences are often very different. "POC tend to be more disadvantaged at any level of education and perform worse." Again. asians literally kick white people asses when it comes to academics and success, literally what the fuck are you talking about??? Just say blacks and hispanics, like its only a few words more."

That's why I'm pro black women. Not pro Black (Black men can choke and BLM was a pro Black MAN movement) and not pro POC. Asians are infamously anti Black and I'll never forget how glad they were to feast on the anti BLM/the 13% Black menace resentment to push their anti asian hate thing. There was a reddit threat with a asian man saying Black people had the blood of the asian women who got killed by that WHITE psychopath..... His reaction is everything you need to know about how Asians will always suck up whiteness to dunk on Blacks.

And yeah, I roll my eyes soooo bad whenever I see Asians pull out the bEing a MoDel MinOritY is HaRd.....hmmmm, shut up? 🙃 they have the same lack of self awareness has those millionaires complainzd about being stuck in their 1500 square mansion during quarantine..... Just shut up, already.

And despite their struggle of being the model minority, Asians never peep a word when the Whites are using them to diss Blacks and argue that the problem is that they're just stupid and need to integrate moar (of course they forget that Asian vs Black immigration story are entirely different, their racial stigma is not comparable (east asians are still PALE and phenotypically very closer to whiteness than Blacks and that definitely plays a role). So deep down, they LOVE being the model minority and stick up FOR THEMSELVES when the Whites don't on other POC. They just pretend being sad about it to sound relatable to other non White communities and rebuke the "Asians are white supremacy cucks" narrative.

That being said, I'm the first to point out how the Black community needs to get its shit together. Of course, rap culture got created by the CIA to destroy the African American community, this whole ghetto, baby mama, glorifying illiteracy shit got shoved to Black Americans.. None of those things are organic to Blackness, otherwise it would still be as much of a thing in Africa, when that's not the case (African immigrants do better in the USA than ADOS, that's for a reason) but there's still need to be accountability. I'm sick of some Blacks acting like Blacks dealing drugs and shooting each other were victims. They are predator and need to be treated as such. Candace Owens is insane but she's very right on that aspect. Black men are the main source of Black femicide yet those men expect us to mule for them against White supremacy..... Black women need to burn the cape and look out for THEMSELVES. Black men are emasculated bum and will always use their women as human shield than hold themselves accountable (they always blame their shortcomings on White supremacy, yet lust after the White man's women...the same women birthing their oPpResSor lmao). This realization made me snap out of that BLM shit (not that I was really into this anyway but I thought it was still a positive thing that more ppl grew aware of police brutality) and made me pro Black women. Other communities can choke big time.

And don't get me started on Latinos. Those people will clown gringos to sound cool but weren't they the one clowning France soccer NT and how full of Blacks it was so they possibly couldn't be french? Weren't Argentinian soccer fans bragged about their White passing team and how their country wasn't "like a Netflix movie"? lmao Those idiots have the tragic mulato curse written all over their butt. They milk their latin-ness at convenience but will ultimately always stick to the Whites like the brainwashed colonizer crossbreed spawn that they are. They are raging colorists for a reason.... That's why I only trust & claim Black looking latinos à la Dominican Republic or Brazil - the others are White idc lmao White Latinos are demented and I'm absolutely not surprised they were so cool to welcome nazi. Absolute demonic breed... Their lizard lineage can't seat at the POC table. We humans out here.

#answered

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maxverstepponme · 2 years

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I just can't believe you guys are "upset" and "surprised" that RB let Kelly participate in the celebrations and photos with the team after she openly supported Bolsonaro. LoL, they don't care she supports that prick. Please read the story of RB founder Dietrich Mateschitz and see how close RB has always been to the far right. He was a strong supporter of the far right and allowed ServusTV to give a voice to conspiracyists of the worst kind. He was against refugees, a supporter of Trump and probably Putin too, as he allowed RB Leipzig to play in Russia at the beginning of the invasion of Ukraine when everyone started to boycott the country. And other people associated with RB are the same. Marko has been xenophobic with Pérez several times, has made absurd statements about Lewis, and is a personal friend of Piquet, having defended him in the N-word episode. Horner is a Tory, and so is Geri, she was very sad when Thatcher died and said she was the first "Girl Power" in history, in the 90s the Spice Girls openly supported the british Conservatives. Regarding Max and his family, don't forget about Geert Wilders. Even Pérez and Carola are not far behind either. Pérez's father is a politician for a left-wing party in Mexico, but both Pérez and Carola have often liked posts of right-wing mexican politicians and supporters (most notably the pro-life posts), and at the Monaco GP this year, one of the his guests was former mexican president Felipe Calderón, who is right-wing and whose victory in the 2006 presidential election was suspected of fraud, and years later members of his cabinet were arrested for involvement with the country's drug cartels. If you guys researched the history of RB, you would know that it is totally on their brand to celebrate with Kelly. I talk about RB, but literally all teams are like that. In 2019, Lewis took a photo and got a Brazil jersey from one of Bolsonaro's sons, who is a senator and a fan of his. This son is involved with deadly paramilitary groups in Rio de Janeiro, and only brazilian fans complained about the photo, Mercedes didn't say a word about it, and at that time, Bolsonaro and his family were already known fascists. As already mentioned, in F1, only the fans care about associations with fascists. 99% of those inside don't care or support these people.

Still, why do they need to show her lmao, she’s not part of the team 💀

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skitter-kitter · 2 years

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Hi!!! 2, 4, 10, 13, 15 (His Living Legacy), 20, 30, and 44 for the ask game if you wanna??

Hi!!!! Hell yeah I’ll do it I love this ask game

Fic writer ask game

How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

I’m usually 80% writer, 20% reader because writing takes so much attention and time so I don’t really have time to read too many fics. I usually read outside of whatever fandom I’m in though. I read a LOT of BNHA fics

Link your three favorite fics right now.

Okay I just convinced my best friend to read this fic and now I’m gonna try my best to do the same to you. It’s called Runner and it’s a canon divergence AU of The Lego Movie where instead of Good Cop getting erased by Lord Business it was Bad Cop. THEN, after Good Cop has lived years without Bad Cop, he’s sent back a year before Taco Tuesday and has to try and fix EVERYTHING. The fic is all about trust and sacrifices and mistakes and I love it SO much. (There is one chapter where it’s heavily about self-sacrifice/suicide he doesn’t actually die but it’s very much about it)

OUGH I was scrolling through my bookmarks and I just remembered my favorite Teen Titans fic of all time: Deathstroke’s Apprentices. It’s a canon divergence au of the show where instead of being saved, Robin stays as Deathstroke’s apprentice. The fic starts like MONTHS into this situation and we watch as Robin changes slowly to cope with it all. Terra is also there and her being there is what makes it very hard for Robin to escape because he refuses to leave her alone. GOD. I love this fic so so much

I’m also gonna rec Welcome To The New Age because every single time I think about the line I go insane:

“In this moment I think I almost wish I were human again,” he mused, “So that I could experience a friendship with you.”

What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

I really like reading BNHA fics because there’s SO MANY of them and because I haven’t watched the show I have no scale of what’s in character or not and just enjoy the fics. However, there are a few characters/pairings I would KILL to have more people posting in

Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

Okay it really depends. If it’s a long fic I’ll leave MANY notes. It’s usually scenes or moments that are important to me that I don’t want to forget. But if it’s a shorter fic…

[my notes for His Living Legacy]

Robotnik dies at the end of sonic 2. Stone holds a funeral for him with the badniks. “Those who shine the brightest often burn the fastest”. He considers giving the same speech he did a few months earlier. He makes a coffee exactly how Robotnik likes it and leaves it on his grave. Engraved it says, Ivo Robotnik. He was loved. He was the brightest of us all. He will be remembered.

Tell the author your favorite fic of theirs. What’s your (the author’s) favorite fic you’ve written?

I have… a hundred and fifty one posted fics… why would you do this to me

I’m glad you like His Living Legacy! I was annoyed by how few actually sad fics there were about the open ending and I love emotionally destroying my blorbos so I did lmao

But. God. What’s my favorite fic I’ve ever written…

I’ve only ever reread and edited one of my fics and that was the most honorable thing. I love that fic and especially the title since it’s a cut off quote: the most honorable thing is to keep living. It’s a fic where Maul actually gets to be happy for once in his life and I love it

What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

I love daydreaming about fics. I love it so much.

Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

Haha alright

Lear crossed his arms, fuming with a soul-deep anger even Red couldn’t evoke in him. This was a special sort of anger reserved only for his father.

It was made up of quiet, cutting words. Knives smaller than the eye could see. Guilt and remorse warped into weapons.

Every time he and his father met, they fought.

This was the way of the world.

Rant about something writing related.

I hate how complicated writing numbers is. Like there’s no clear indicator for when you should switch from spelling it out to just having the numbers and like. It’s so painful for me. Usually if I encounter this issue in a fic it leads to me abandoning it halfway through and it’s so annoying

#skitty asks #7 birds in a trenchcoat #I’m very tempted to go into the stobotnik tag again just to see if any new angst has been written

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elliebear666 · 1 year

Text

Letter To A Ghost

So, in my quest for closure, I'm doing anything and everything I can to let go. Maybe this will help. I hope it does. Please feel free to ignore how absolutely pathetic and sad this is. But... I know I'm crazy already, okay? Posting this won't make anyone think I'm more or less crazy than they already do. This isn't meant to be read by anyone. I'm doing this for me.

Hey.

It's me.

Probably not anyone you want to talk to. And I get it. To be honest? I can't say I'd want to talk to me either. The way things ended leaves me with a pit of sorrow and grief inside my heart. I feel like I dug a hole to the center of the universe to find the key to your heart, all while throwing the loose soil into your face. Not intentional, to be fair, just an unfortunate consequence of me being a bitch and too obsessed with you to properly love you like I desperately wanted to. That's a... pretty pertinent issue of mine. I'm working on all of it. I considered going to an in-patient facility for a while, but I don't think getting in would have been easy. I guess I made due.

There's a lot I never got to say that I desperately wanted to say. I tried to get you to talk to me, but you wouldn't. I don't know why. I mean... I do, sort of? But not fully? I begged. I wanted to understand. I might have tried to convince you to change your mind, which you probably knew. If that was the case, I can see why you didn't want to. But... my intentions were pure. I would cut off both of my testicles and invert my penis to give you a massage tbh. In fact, hell, I'd probably have artificial breasts inserted above my pectoral muscles if I could give you another hug. Oh well.

I am consumed with overwhelming feelings of regret and guilt and shame, of grief and heartbreak and loss. I felt like my emotions - those great waves of feeling - were too much for you. That I cried so often. That I was so intense. I understand. I'm not easy to love... and I wish I had been able to look outside of my own pain and suffering to help you overcome yours but... I suppose, it's unfair to both of us that I felt I needed to. I become so consumed by what I'm feeling that I can't look outside of myself. It isn't that I can't or don't want to or don't try... I feel like I'm drowning in whatever I'm feeling and I have to swim to safety before I can be there for you more.

I never felt good enough for you, if I'm honest. Not that I was incapable of providing for your needs, but that you didn't think I was capable of doing so. I understand. My mom told you to remind me to take my medication lmao. That's... not your responsibility. It never was. I'm getting better at that now. To the point that I almost never forget. I'm rather proud of that progression. Um... I suppose, since I saw you looking for... "sugar daddies"? I immediately felt that I couldn't provide the life you wanted. I was poor... and disabled lmao. Which is pathetic. I wouldn't be on it if I didn't need it. The fact that I lost my shit and became homeless and had month long manic episodes? I mean, I get help for a reason. But I understand if my mental issues were too much. I do. And don't resent you for feeling that way... all that much I guess. Maybe a little.

So, back when I was breaking up with my first partner, I told her that I'd kissed you and she messaged you about it. I didn't intend for that to happen. To be completely honest, I think I told her that so she'd think I had moved on and she could move on. But... it made things worse. I didn't want to hurt her. I loved, and love her now. I actually regretted breaking up with her even when we first started like... pseudo-dating? Because I still loved her. But then... I don't remember when, it was you and only you. As if no one else had ever existed. That's kind of scary. I told you I was obsessed and... I'm sure you were honestly scared of me. I... I'm sorry I stalked you. Like a fucking psycho. I was desperately trying to prevent abandonment and, as I had done in the past, to no avail, I clung and frantically tried to say or do anything to keep that person from leaving me. And I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for what I did, let alone apologize to you in a way that matters. And I understand. As much as that acceptance has left me with an emotional limp and persistent literal panic attacks... even as much a... fucking jerk as you could be? You didn't deserve that. Ever. I wouldn't let me back in either. I'd stay away and keep to no contact. It's for the best. Which I fucking just... HATE to admit. Because I... idk. If you asked me to take a bus to fucking, idk, Rhode Island tomorrow because you were waiting for me, I'd do it. Which is kind of sad, but that's where I'm at.

I hope to get to a place where the love I had for you and the pain I feel about it not being fully reciprocated is... a sad, but distant memory. I don't think you ever be a forgotten memory. As selfish as this sounds, a part of me hopes you don't forget me either. I hope that, one day, you'll look back and think... "She loved me. But she couldn't love me properly." And you'll be right. I guess it's a sad truth that we tend to hurt the people we love the most. I will be honest that I... I failed you. I failed to control my insanity. And I'm sorry I said and did what I did. I will torture myself for years in repentance. I feel like I deserve worse.

But, honestly? The reason I said what I said on your Instagram was... I was so psychotic and unmedicated, that I'd crafted an entire paranoia universe in which you and your friends were torturing me. And hell, maybe you were. But... I shouldn't have tried to "give 'em what they want." What a petty, pathetic thing to do. Give them the villain they want! I... said what I said because I thought you had hired someone to rob me. Tbh. So I retaliated. But the shit I said to your and your friends as I split left and right? Disorder or no? It was unacceptable and crazy. My, ahem, shitty personality doesn't excuse abuse. I hurt you. And you had every right in the world to block me from your life forever.

I guess um... you know you were right, you know? When you said I acted like a 16 year old girl? Lol I uh... I did. Because I was. And I just... I desperately wanted to tell you. Especially when I met your trans friend. I thought maybe you'd accept me and love me anyway. But I didn't. Like a coward. I repressed myself so much I... got obsessed with shit that wasn't even an issue.

I would wish that I'd been getting the right help from the start. I worked for YEARS to mask quirks and... nervous tics. Counting and stimming. I worked to move beyond my issues with tactile sensations and different fabrics. I worked to cover up anything that screened "neurodiverse" because I didn't want to be. I wanted to be normal. And that level of masking? It was killing me. I just... I repressed and masked and buried everything so deep that I became even more of a shell. I didn't think people would love me if I was "weird."

I'm sorry posted negative stuff about you on my blog and Facebook. I hated you tbh. I hated you for breaking my heart and abandoning me and all the shit you did so I guess... for a while? I felt like I wanted to destroy you. And once I came down from that insanity? I fucking hated myself with every fiber of my being.

Maybe you never loved me. Maybe I was a practice relationship. But for me? For whatever reason, I'd chosen you as like... the one, so to speak. I've found many others I declared "The One" but I never really dated them. And honestly, a year or two after their rejection or perceived abandonment? I'd move on. But I haven't moved on from you for some reason.

I fear I will always want you. Even saying your name in my head is akin to summoning the pain of ten thousand moments we shared. I am tormented with what ifs and why's.

I haven't said all I wanted to say, but I feel like you probably didn't read all my paragraphs anyway. Sorry.

I guess.... if you ever wanted back in to my life? For whatever insane or self-destructive reason you can conjure? You will always have a lifetime pass. No matter what. I could be 78 and in a wheelchair and I'd get up and run to your before breaking a few bones.

But honestly? My advice is... don't even think about me. Because, as much as I may love you, and will continue to do so? I'm complicated. Even "healed", I will be complicated and intense and emotional. And I don't feel like that's what you want. I hurt you once. I fucking... I threatened you. I'm crying 😅 and I can never undo the damage I did.

I hope you heal. I truly, truly do. I will never ask for your forgiveness because, in my mind, I don't deserve it. I really don't. I'm just... my therapist says I'm a good person. But good people don't do what I've done.

I wish you could see how you hurt me, though... you really did. You made me feel worthless and small and weak. You hurt me a lot. I just... I was so sensitive but I hoped you would see how much I was in love and you'd decide I was worth it. But you didn't because I wasn't.

Wrapping up...

"Get back to me when you realize the world doesn't revolve around you." I understand. I wish I'd... fucked off and let you do your own thing. That I could have gotten into intensive therapy and healed... and maybe we could have been friends? I don't know if I could have. But... I did act like the world revolved around me. I was so self-absorbed, but!!! it was because my emotions were often all-consuming. I was such a cunt, though and there is not an excuse in the universe that I would ever use to justify my shitty behavior. I know I can't take back any of it. I begged for years for a way to go back in time and unfuck up everything. But I can't go back. I'll never be able to get back to you. I don't deserve to be in your life. This isn't some fucking... reverse psychology-ing the universe either. I'm being absolutely honest.

I wish I could get back to you. But I can't. And I won't because I was too idk, insecure or insane or whatever tf I was to be good for you. I will ask the universe time and time again to send you into my life. But I'll never see you again. And I understand and now have to live with that.

I guess, in summation, I want you to understand that, idk... despite my disgusting behavior? I may have been unable to love you right. Or hell, treat you right. But god damn it, I will always have love for you in my heart. Just... don't come back? Idk why tf you would? But I couldn't handle being in your life as a friend. Seeing you love someone else and not me will always break me.

I do wish you'd gotten to meet Ellie. I really love her. I used to mimic and emulate you when I came out. Part admiration, part love, small part envy, part wanting to keep pieces of you alive. But I'm not you. But I am finally becoming me.

I wish you could have met Ellie before you met Matthew. I think our relationship would have been immensely more healthy.

I miss you. I will continue to miss you.

I hope every good thing you ever wanted in life becomes true and that you can heal and learn to love yourself the way you are worthy of being loved.

Goodbye...

P.S. You have a perfect nose... please don't change it? But? If you DO? I hope it brings you the peace and self-love that you deserve. I always thought you had the cutest nose.

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