#I remember when I was the baby in most situations and now I’m older than most of them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

readyplayerhobi · 1 year

Text

Because, I Love You | 07

; Jungkook x Older!Reader

; Genre: Fluff, angst,

; Word Count: 2.6k

; Warnings: Mentions of blood, implied beginning of miscarriage

; Synopsis: According to society, Jeon Jungkook should not be with you. He should be with a younger, hotter and thinner girl instead of wasting his time on you. It’s a good thing Jungkook doesn’t care what society thinks then.

; A/N: This chapter may be uncomfortable for some people - I don’t go too in-depth with it, and I don’t describe it too in-depth. The next chapter will deal with the aftermath mentally, not physically. For anyone who’s experienced this, I’m so sorry and I hope you’re okay now! Please remember to take of yourself physicall and mentally! I hope I’ve handled this carefully and with respect for anyone who’s gone through it.

; Masterlist

“Y/N!” Jungkook calls from the bedroom, his voice slightly muffled by the walls between you both. Absentmindedly, you call a response you stand up from the couch and begin to head up the stairs, wondering what he’s wanting you for.

He’s been busier than usual in your home lately, mainly because he was still half in the process of moving into your home. The two of you had decided that it would be best for him to move in with you to prepare for the baby, and given you were the one who owned a home, it made the most sense. What had taken the longest to sort out the bills situation.

You’d been happy to invite Jungkook into your home, and you were looking forward to no longer being alone but having someone to share your life with. But you were also proud of the fact that you’d been able to buy your own house through hard work, and even if you were going to have a child with him, you weren’t willing to put his name on the mortgage.

Thankfully, he hadn’t wanted that. In fact, he’d explicitly said he didn’t want to be added before you’d even properly started the conversation. He wasn’t comfortable with taking away your independence like that, and he knew how important it had been for you to afford to buy your own home. So instead, he’d offered to pay for three-quarters of the utilities, leaving you with your mortgage and only a quarter of the bills.

Given you’d never lived with someone before, you weren’t sure if this was considered fair but you appreciated that he wasn’t being toxic about it all. Still, you’d recommended that he save money if he could because you didn’t want him to be stuck if anything happened in the future. Not that you wanted that, but still.

That had been when he’d shyly and very awkwardly admitted that he had a trust fund that he wasn’t touching. You’d rolled your eyes at that, affectionately, and just gently pushed his arm. Of course, he had a trust fund, and of course, Jungkook was such a sweet person that he wasn’t using it and instead let it build interest.

What had made you want to cry, though, had been him suggesting that he split his trust fund in half for the baby. The thought of your little one being secure in the future financially was especially soothing, and you’d just given him a crushing hug and kiss in response.

Jungkook moved in officially last week when you had hit the 9-week pregnancy mark. Or that’s what the doctor had told you, anyway. And given you didn’t have a degree in medicine, you had to believe him. Because Jungkook had been living with his parents, he hadn’t had a huge amount to move over.

Most of it had been clothes, which he’d brought over in two trips. It had surprised you how many clothes he had, especially given he seemed to just always wear monochrome and baggy. Alongside that had been his boxing gear, which had gone in the garage, his gaming computer set-up which had gone into the office that you didn’t use and then his extensive collection of collectable figures.

That had been a struggle to figure out where to put them, but you’d just ended up telling him that he could have the office as his so they’d all ended up in there.

You’d wondered if he’d wanted to bring Bam and moved his dog with him, but he’d left Bam with his parents. When you’d asked why he’d pointed out that his mom was attached to him as she’d taken early retirement and he didn’t want to separate them. Plus, he wasn’t entirely sure how Bam would react with a baby, so he didn’t want to risk it all.

You knew it had made him sad to leave his dog behind, but you understood his reasoning. His parents spent far more time with the Dobermann than he did, and they’d understandably ended up very attached. The subject of his parents remained a bit of a sore spot for you, and he’d been nice enough to avoid it.

They’d been confused as to why he was suddenly moving in with you from the little he'd told you. His dad had been supportive, telling Jungkook that he was just happy that his son was happy and had found someone he loved. His mom…well, Jungkook had tried to twist it into nicer words but you’d read between the lines. She was furious he was moving out, and even more angry that it was with you. She’d argued with him and told him that it was too early, that he was rushing and he’d regret it.

And Jungkook was too damn sweet to tell you, but given everything you knew about her so far, you’re pretty sure she had some nasty words to say about you as well. His reluctance to talk about it all made it obvious.

It hurt and you wouldn’t deny it. You wanted his mom to like you and to be pleased her son was with you, that she was content you’d look after him. Her dislike and sour attitude made you feel small, and it gave you anxiety for when you finally told her about the pregnancy.

Both of you had agreed that no one would know until you’d passed the first trimester, and even then you were reluctant for his mom to know. If she’d reacted like this to him moving in with you then you couldn’t even begin to imagine how she’d react to finding out he was having a baby with you. No doubt she’d start throwing horrible accusations around about trapping him with a baby or something.

Heading into the bedroom, you pause for a moment to take in the sight. Jungkook is sat cross-legged on the bed with a whole mound of fresh clothing next to him and various smaller piles of neatly organised clothes around him. Of course, he was doing laundry, the man was odd and found it relaxing.

Not that you’d complain, you were more than happy to let him take over if that’s what made him happy.

“You rang?” You said in your best Lurch voice, causing him to smile as he looked up at you. Just as you’d already said, he was wearing a baggy plain black shirt with equally baggy grey sweatpants. It was annoying how pretty he looked, his hair curling ever so slightly at the ends as he hadn’t cut it in a while.

“I’ve sorted out your clothes already,” He says, gesturing with his chin to the piles of more colourful clothing. “I’ve put all the ones with holes and that here, I’m not sure if you’re wanting to keep them or anything?”

Jungkook sounds a little uncertain like he’s not sure if you’ll get offended. This is the first time he’s taken complete control of your washing, and there’s a part of you that feels embarrassed he’s been dealing with your crappy underwear but another part is endeared that he’s being sweet about it.

Crawling onto the bed behind him, you lay out between him and the pillow before reaching out for the top piece of clothing. Lifting it, you note it’s some underwear you’ve probably had for years. The colour is faded and the elastic at the waistband is coming away with holes doting the area. Not something you’d wear to seduce him, but still comfy and useful.

“Hmm, they can probably last a few more times. These are just the stuff I wear during my periods, I don’t care if they get stained or anything.” It’s then that you noticed one of the underwear with a dark stain on it, the evidence of a period long ago that still hadn’t properly washed out yet. Maybe if you were better with laundry, but you didn’t have the finesse of Jungkook.

There’s a brief pause before Jungkook takes the underwear from you and carefully folds it again. You get the sense he wants to say something, so you press a hand to his back comfortingly.

“Are you still spotting then?” He asks quietly, and your breathing freezes for a moment. It’s something you’d been trying not to think about too much, and you’ve been telling yourself it’s normal.

You’d started spotting in your underwear two weeks ago, which had made you panic and call your doctor. He’d confirmed that it was common during the first trimester, especially in the early weeks as a sign of implantation. To ease your worries, you’d been checked out and they’d confirmed that everything was looking good.

The fact it hadn’t stopped was a worry though. It went away for a little, but the last few days had been more frequent.

“Yeah.” Is all you say to him, letting your hand fall and rest under your cheek. It feels like your heart has taken root in your throat now, and you can feel your eye heat as you finally let yourself think about what you’ve been trying to ignore. What you’ve been desperately avoiding because you don’t want to acknowledge it. To acknowledge it is to accept it’s real.

“Are you…I mean…do you think we should go back to the doctor?” Jungkook asks quietly, still not facing you. He’s not moving though, his hands remaining where they are on the bed and you know he’s probably thinking the same things you are.

“He said it was normal to have it, and it’s not been all the time. I’ve looked it up, it’s common for early pregnancy.” You say, your voice light and airy in a way you don’t feel. It doesn’t take a genius to see that Jungkook doesn’t believe you, not with the carefully blank face he gives you over his shoulder.

“Okay…but please go if anything changes, please?” He begs softly, twisting and taking your hand. It’s an awkward position, but you wrap your fingers around what you can and give him a reassuring squeeze along with a soft smile. Giving him a reassurance you don’t quite feel.

Because even if you’re trying to ignore it, there’s something deep inside you telling you that you don’t think something is quite right.

Two days later, you come home from work early to find Jungkook sitting in the office with his chunky neon pink headphones on. His new job lets him work from home more and given he has a pretty introverted personality he’s been taking full advantage of the opportunity. Another reason why you’ve let him take over the office for his own space.

His head is bobbing slightly to whatever music he’s listening to, and you take in the lines of code he’s working on. It turns out that Jungkook’s computer set-up includes three screens, with his high-powered work laptop making up a fourth screen.

Moving over to him, you gently run your fingers through his hair and smile as he jolts in surprise before twisting and looking up at you. Those big eyes you love so much widen in shock before narrowing in happiness, his entire face lighting up as he smiles. It feels like a blessing from the universe that you’re the reason he feels so happy, and you’ll forever treasure the way he visibly brightens at seeing you.

Pushing off his headphones, he spins the chair around and smiles even brighter at you.

“Hey baby, fuck, I lost track of time. I was gonna put dinner on but I’m working on this cool code that Khalid sent over, it’s gonna look really cool and it’s so complicated-” He pauses then, looking back at his screen and taking in the time, before looking over your expression and posture before his face drops in concern.

“What’s wrong?”

You love that he loves you so much and he knows you so well, that he’s taken the time to learn your micro-expressions until he can tell there’s something wrong just in the way you stand. And right now, you need that love more than ever.

You try to give him a weak smile but it falters as you wince slightly, your hand half raising towards your stomach. He notices it immediately and his face pales, understanding instantly without saying anything.

“Is it…is there…” And then he stops trying to even say anything, instead standing up and wrapping you in his arms tightly. His head rests on your shoulder and you sag into him, letting a tear fall and soak into his shirt.

“I’ve made an appointment, I’m booked for a scan tomorrow.” You whisper, the words almost silent as you press your face further into him. That feeling of dread, that something wasn't right that had haunted you for the last few days, had proven to be true.

You’d woken up this morning to more spotting, which had left you feeling anxious but you’d just told yourself that it was just like any other day. So you’d gone to work and thrown yourself into your tasks, but even that hadn’t been enough. Not when you’d feel a sharp cramp at noon. It had been just the one, and it had left you cold with fear. Nothing had happened after that, and you’d wondered if it had just been an anomaly.

But then you’d gone to the toilet after lunch, and had seen the evidence that something wasn’t right. There wasn’t any spotting this time, or at least, not what you’d been used to. Instead, there had been a dark red stain on your underwear and bright red blood on the tissue. Much more than spotting, and you’d known.

A quiet word with your manager had allowed you to leave work early, and you’d already made an appointment with the doctor on the way home. You needed Jungkook there with you. Even though you knew what they’d say, you could feel the knowledge deep in your bones. But you needed confirmation.

Pulling away enough for him to see you, Jungkook gently runs his fingers down your face before kissing your forehead. All his earlier happiness at seeing you has faded away, and it makes you want to cry even further when you remember how quietly happy he’d been about being a dad. Even if he’d obviously been terrified.

Not that it mattered now.

For a moment, Jungkook’s face crumples and you know that he knows too. That he knows he doesn’t need to be worried or concerned anymore, that he doesn’t need to read anything about pregnancy or being a parent and he doesn’t need to shop for cribs or any of that stuff. That the two of you will go on as just that, the two of you.

You don’t need to worry about how his mom will react, or anything of that. Because there won’t be a baby. Not in the near future, at least.

“I’m sorry.” Jungkook whispers as he hugs you once more, holding you so tightly as if he could transfer some of his strength to you. How you’re meant to carry on when you know what’s happening in your body is beyond you, but you let yourself feel small and safe in his arms.

You let yourself cry and release all the pain and loss that you’ve only just started to feel, which will only increase in the days following. And he holds you, feeling lost and useless in the knowledge he can’t do anything else to help.

#armiesnet #networkbangtan #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #bts fluff #bts angst #jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader

194 notes · View notes

marvelmusing · 2 years

Text

Rescue Mission

Pairing: Billy Russo x Fem!Reader

Summary: During a disastrous blind date you reach out to your best friend Billy, and he offers to come to your rescue.

My Masterlist

»»---------------------►

You: My blind date at the bar has offered to take me home, thoughts?

Billy’s response arrives as soon as you’ve shut the toilet lid, so you sit down and look at your phone.

Billy: Considering the fact that you’re hiding in the restroom texting me, I think you’re leaning towards a no

You: I’m not hiding

Billy: Sure you’re not baby

A blush warms your cheeks, as it always does when Billy is so casually affectionate with you. Karen insists that it’s because he likes you, but you’re too scared to ruin what the two of you have. You’ve never had a best friend before, and Billy means the world to you. Frank has told you that Billy isn’t open with anyone like he is with you. But isn’t that what best friends are for?

Billy: So what’s he like?

You: Older

You: Keeps telling me that older guy’s are more experienced

You: And did the classic ‘age is just a number line’ and winked

You: So it isn’t great tbh

Billy: Jesus

Billy: I’m on my way

Billy: Just stay in the restroom until I get there okay?

A well of emotion catches in your throat, Billy knows how awkward and anxious you get in certain situations. You feel like you can breathe a little easier now that you know Billy is on his way.

You: Thank you Billy

Billy: Don’t mention it

Billy: I’ve got Jim driving me so you can keep texting me

You shake your head at the thought of Billy turning up at this dive of a bar with his chauffeur. But you’re glad you can continue texting Billy, instead of sitting in the restroom alone with your thoughts.

Billy: Keep telling me how awful he is so I have an excuse to beat the shit out of him

You: Thank you

You: But please don’t

You: Don’t want you getting in trouble over me

Billy: Alright princess

Billy: A clean in and out rescue mission it is then

You: I don’t think I can afford an Anvil bodyguard

Billy: I’m sure the CEO could offer you a discount

You: How generous of him

You: Sounds like a nice guy

Billy: If you say so princess

You frown at his words. He always doubts himself, and he accepts compliments even worse than you do.

You: Billy

You: A bad guy wouldn’t be ruining his night to come and rescue me

You: You’re one of the good ones

Billy: My night isn’t ruined if I get to see you

Your heart skips a beat as you read his words. Seeing Billy will most definitely improve your night as well.

Billy: Do you want me to sneak you out? Or do you want me to show him you’re unavailable?

You: *Tell

Billy: What?

You: You said show him instead of tell

Billy: Oh no I’d show him

You: ????

Billy: By kissing you for the whole bar to see

Your jaw drops, and you breathe out a stunned laugh. Billy had that natural confidence that always put you at ease, and the audacity he had often made you laugh.

You: Billy!!!!

Billy: What? Don’t tell me you’ve gone all shy

Billy: We’ve kissed before

You: Yeah during spin the bottle or whatever stupid game you wanted to play during drinks night

Billy: You didn’t think it was stupid when we played seven minutes in heaven

Your stomach flips, and your cheeks warm even further as you remember the night he’s referring to. You and your friends had all met up at Billy’s place for some drinks, and somehow you’d ended up roped into a game of seven minutes in heaven. Which led to you and Billy being pushed into a closet.

The two of you had sat cross-legged facing one another in the low light of his closet, and traded several long, slow kisses. Just to play the game of course.

You: You promised not to mention that ever again

Billy: Why?

Billy: You getting flustered baby?

You: No

Billy: I think you are

Billy: I think you’re squirming with that adorable expression on your face

Billy: What are you wearing baby?

You: Are you seriously going to sext me while I’m sitting on the toilet lid in a bar?

Then he sends a photo. And you stop breathing as you take in the image. He’s still dressed in his dress pants from work, and his thighs are spread wide. His ring clad hand is settled on his thigh, allowing you see the bulge in his pants. You swallow hard at the thought of his size.

You: You wore those rings to work?

Billy: Yeah they’re new

Billy: You like them baby?

You’re still warm from the heat of the crowded bar, and a shiver runs through you at the thought of Billy’s fingers trailing down your side, with the cool metal of his rings bringing goosebumps to your skin. You chew on your lip, and manage to type out a rather diplomatic response.

You: They’re nice

Before Billy can make any sort of comment about your reply, you type another message.

You: I’m wearing the dress you bought me for my birthday

Billy: You picked my dress for your date?

You: Yeah it’s my favourite

You: Gives me a confidence boost

There’s a long pause as you wait for a response from Billy, and you worry that you’ve said something wrong.

Billy: I’m here

As soon as Billy’s message appears on your screen, there’s a knock at the door. You type out a quick text to Billy.

You: I’ll come find you

Then you slide your phone into your purse, and unlock the door.

Only to be greeted with the sight of Billy leaning against the door frame, the glow from his phone screen lighting up his face. He smiles widely when he sees you.

“Not if I find you first.” He teases, pulling you to his side immediately.

“Billy.” You breathe out quietly, fingers curling into the fabric of his suit. He’s still dressed for work, and as the scent of his cologne fills your nose the tension leaves your shoulders. You smooth your thumbs up and down the material, allowing the feeling of it to ground you.

Billy also breathes a small sigh of relief at having you in his arms. He runs a hand down your back, before settling it at your waist. He rests his chin on the top of your head, breathing in the unique scent that is solely you. Your shampoo, sharp and fruity as it clings to your hair, as well as the soft, sweet scent of your perfume. You’re warm in his embrace, chasing the chill of the evening away from his body.

Billy’s lips brush against the crown of your head for a brief moment, before he murmurs,

“Let’s get you home.”

»»---------------------►

Billy Russo Tag List: @blackbirddaredevil23 @restingbitchsblog @tiredbeebo @rafaelakelley @theysayitscrazy @hummelmi @nyx2021 @skybridgerton @dragon-of-winterfell @profoundme444 @misstimeless @booksandbenbarnes @blanchedelioncourt @chickensarentcheap @katedrexel @stardust-danvers @sweetwritingfanficfriend @witchcraftandwit

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo x female reader #billy russo x y/n #billy russo x you #billy russo fic #billy russo fanfic #billy russo imagine #billy russo oneshot #billy russo fluff #billy russo the punisher #the punisher au #ben barnes

833 notes · View notes

spicywhumper · 2 months

Text

febuwhump '24: 19. "please, don't" + @femslash-february bingo: unrequired

series: untitled | rating: mature | trigger/content: captivity, chained, implied future dub/noncon

Krystian isn’t sure when her life started to go wrong, perhaps when her twin brother had the audacity to die merely a week after his birth. Right when her father said “I need a heir, so I guess I don’t have a daughter”. That’s a simpler way to explain how she has never been this lucky (even if she does like the fact she never had to marry a man and carry his babies).

She sighs, captivity is even more boring when you don’t need to sleep.

She shackles aren’t heavy, but with the carved runes on the metal, they’re quite uncomfortable, the collar’s a lot worse .

For decades, now, she has been using her charm and mildly awkward flirting to get thinks she needed. A place to ‘rest’, supplies like clean clothes and warm bathing water, and blood. The unintentional thrill had helped her to get blood so many times, makes her miserable lonely life a little less miserable. Not very, but enough to make it bearable. She prefers a calmer way to get blood than hunting. The human dies anyways, but makes less of a mess and means she can stick around for a little longer.

Perhaps she should have followed her gut feeling when the woman smiled at her with too many teeth to not be dangerous, eyes with a predator glint.

She didn’t, she allowed the woman, call me Karr, dear, to take her into the inn. Vampire, cold-blooded, Krystian still likes warm rooms and soft beds. Maybe it’s the human in her, maybe it’s growing up as a Prince. She accepts the wine, like she forgot that humans are the most dangerous creatures on earth. The ones with poison on their voice are even more dangerous.

So, maybe it’s her own fault that she go herself in this situation, in a cage, it looks like the inn’s basement, shackled to the wall. She tested the chains multiple times, they’re clearly built to be unbreakable. Or they make a vampire weaker, she thinks that’s more probable, considering that whatever the woman has put on her wine, it took her out for long enough to be dragged down here.

Krystian hasn’t been in such an unpleasant situation in decades.

“When we met for the first time,” she looks up at the sound of her captor’s voice. “I suspected you’re not human, with those red-ish brown eyes.”

“So you gambled by giving me something that would definitely kill me?”

“No,” she tilts her head (it reminds her painfully of Savina and her carrying over wolfy ticks.”You don’t remember me.”

“Apologies, I’m an old woman.”

She steps even closer, Krystian feels the back of her throat burning, sweet metal pulsates under delicate-looking skin ,throught easily broken veins: “It has been a few years, feels longer for me than to you, of course. I was in the business of getting a couple copper coins for a night of pleasure.”

“I mean no offense, but I don’t exactly commit people ot memory. In general, really, not specifically sex workers,” she looks her up and down. She can almost feel her blood pumping in her veins, she wants to taste it. “I imagine you could still make some coins that way.”

“I don’t do that anymore,” she licks her lips, Krystian recognizes the lust in her eyes. A mixture of sexual and violence urges. “I’d enjoy it with you,” her predatory smile reminds Krystian of those weird older women in the court, the ones that really, really wanted ‘him’ to marry their daughters – nevermind the Prince already had a chosen bride.

“You’re quite attractive,” and she’s not lying, the woman might look like she’d be older than Krystian’s mother (if she was human), but Krystian not the type to lie about this. “But I’m not interested. Let me go before I make you acquainted with my fangs.”

“I’ve been looking for your for thirty years, that’s longer than the time you’ve been alive, correct?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Why not? You’re the last of your bloodline, that’s tragic, Prince.”

“I haven’t been a prince in a long time.”

“I thought it was a rumor, you know? The runaway prince’s a woman. Even a hundred years after the death of the disgraced king, people were still interested in the prince that has never been a prince.”

She grits her teeth, the rumor has started over an incident she’d like to forget: “Why don’t you come in, do whatever you want, and let me go?”

“Sex with a vampire is not nearly as satisfying if the vampire doesn’t want it.”

“You won’t make me want you if you keep tainting me about my past.”

“Oh dear, there are herbs and such for this kind of thing, aren’t you aware of that?” She leaves for a moment, only to come back carrying a simple metal cup, a glass vial with a brown-ish liquid and a dagger. “I promise you’ll have a good time.”

Krystian frowns, tries to find what that could mean in her admittedly small general vampiric knowledge. The woman enters the cage and kneels in front of her, just far enough that Krystian can’t try to reach her. She watches with apprehension as the cup is put on the floor, the woman pulls her left sleeve up, and thirst burns on the back of her throat, hot like an inferno, as the woman digs into her wrist. Blood flows easily into the metal cup. Not much, maybe two sips, perhaps a third. She’s not sure where the bandage comes from, but she sees that the woman wraps it around her wrist too easily to not have practice doing this.

Whatever’s inside the vial, it smells absolutely fool and she almost gags as the woman mixes it up with perfectly appetizing blood.

Then she remembers of stories about vampires bounded to humans, to witches or simply people that have minimal knowledge of the type of magic that does more harm than good. Vampires that get addicted to their captor’s blood and become their personal puppet, their sex slave more often than not.

That finally makes dread and fear.

She has escaped too many things to let it happen to her. Krystian pulls at the chains harder, so abruptly that the woman in front of her is startled by the noise. Krystian snarls at her, teeth coated with venom, eyes bright red.

“Don’t you fucking dare!”

The woman snarls back. Faster than she appears to be, she grabs the chain attached to the heavy collar around her neck. She pulls back, the choking’s uncomfortable even if Krystian doesn’t need to breathe. And her body still responds like a human that does need to breath would. The woman adjusts the chain, pulling her closer to the wall, she did the same with the others chains, Krystian’s skin would be raw and bleeding if she was human by now.

“Don’t-” it’s half begging and half growling. “Please, don’t- I-” that’s way more pleading as the woman grabs her jaw and forces it open.

She begs again, sounding more pathetic than she has ever sound in her life, human or not. The liquid tastes foul, corrupted and wrong, it’s thick as it forces its way down her throat. It feels like ice, she wouldn’t be surprised if there’s frost forming on her neck and down her chest.

It hurts, she hates how it makes her whole body feel ice cold. The woman’s touch burns, her fingers are soft but they don’t feel right as they run through her hair.

“Shh, you’re mine now, you’ll be fine.”

#febuwhump 2024 #femslash feb bingo #whump #vampire whump #whump community #whump blog #whumpblr #lady whump

4 notes · View notes

mukamibabe · 2 years

Note

If the S and M boys would meet their childhood self somehow then would they say something to kids about what will happen to them in the future? Like about their mothers or about the sacrifice brides

spoiler tw??? idk? also tw’s regarding things that happened in each diaboy’s pasts idk /////

under the cut because it’s long. if you’re new, or don’t remember, i type a lot. i have too many words and repeat myself way too much. i also think i’m too funny for my own good so there’s that lol anyways mwah!! thank you anon for this ancient ask. this was a fun concept ❤️

Sakamaki’s:

Shu:

it would be something like ‘don’t get attached’, i imagine.

he really doesn’t have much to say. it’s not like he can stop his mother and father from pressuring him into doing ‘future king things’

and he also can’t stop his friend from dying,,

which i mean. yes, he kind of can but rule 1 with time travel: don’t change fate. or something like that lol (true quote stolen from shu. i swear

anyways, he feels like the best advice he can give is to not get attached to anyone, if he hasn’t already

and if he has met edgar already.. he tells his younger self to be prepared for him to disappear one day. he has no clue how to put it nicely, as.. he’s telling a child that his best friend is going to die, but.. to at least be prepared is nice, right?

also, he might warn him about the whole schoolwork thing; unless he wants to get sent to antarctica or whatever, but i think shu wasn’t exactly young when that happened? i can’t remember honestly

anyways yeah; shu doesn’t tell his younger self about much, other than the not wanting to mess with time but also because he doesn’t really feel like anything bad happened to him? besides his friend dying and the pressure of being a future king but i think that he'd think compared to others, his past wasn't that bad but - trauma is trauma.

he might even get a little dark on him and say ‘things don’t get better.’ unless! current shu is happy, and not so depressed. idk. otherwise, he might be a little cliche and tell him to ‘be patient. in the end, things will be worth it.’

now for the perspective of a young shu: or ririe, whatever that means??

i genuinely think younger shu would take his older self’s words to consideration. no matter the age, shu is a lot smarter than how he comes off, so..

yeah, it definitely would be tough to hear. it would actually hurt a lot, depending on how close shu was to edgar at the time. and of course, there would be at least a little disbelief but the scenario of meeting his future self is already unbelievable as is, so.. i imagine afterwards young shu would be wary for the most part. would that stop him? no. but it’d spook him, at least.

Reiji:

um.. well, he’s kind of rattled about this entire situation, and he’d really rather not mess with anything from the past because he doesn’t want to hurt the present and/or future?

so if he were to talk to his younger self, not only would he feel like he’s going insane, he’d probably.. not be the nicest about it?

he’d tell the kid to study harder, and that it is useless to continue to worry about things

also, edgar doesn’t die. you don’t know who edgar is, little baby reiji? oh well, you’ll figure it out eventually. if you’re smart enough, you’ll be able to remember this.

ALSO big warning about his mother’s death.

'for beatrix.. make sure she suffers. do not let her death be quick.’

he knows it’s pretty gruesome to talk about his mother’s death to a child, but.. this is reiji we’re talking about. even though he’s a child, current reiji believes that his younger self shouldn’t let things get to him and to stop being so childish

basically it’s along the lines of ‘if you don’t push yourself harder, you’ll never be good enough.’

for younger reiji’s perspective, well. ouch, honestly. young reiji is already hard enough on himself as is, so for his future self to just pop in and tell him to work harder?? .. yikes

at least they both have the same thought of : this should not be possible. please go back to your time or i’ll start thinking i’ve officially lost my mind, thanks.

also love how reiji is like : nah i don’t want to mess with different timelines but also continues to tell young!reiji how to mess with fate lol

Ayato:

kill the bitch as soon as possible. it’s really not that hard as you'd think.

except don’t be surprised when she comes back in some other girl’s body because your uncle removed her heart or something??

i feel like he’d be really reassuring to his younger self, and tell him that he’s already the best, and doesn’t need to worry about what anyone else thinks

i mean, look? look at what you grow up to be like!! a badass that’s what!!

ngl he kinda feels like a father figure to his younger self? or like.. the nice, cool big brother he never had. probably the latter.

also warns him about how his brothers grow up to be. don’t even bother with shu, get ready to deal with reiji being !!!mean!!!, kanato is crazy, laito...-

he actually pauses for like... a minute, before continuing. even young ayato is able to tell that something’s wrong

he doesn’t get into detail, because as horrible as ayato feels for it (”psh, pity for me? no, youre stupid”) he does feel bad for his younger self. it’s weird, and it’s complicated, but he can’t help his feelings.

so ayato tells him to either kill cordelia if he ever gets the chance, or make sure she never gets near laito. never. and once she does, stop her. never let her near your brothers.

it’ll hurt and it’ll suck, but for the sake of protecting them, and preventing them from a shitty life, it will be worth it.

basically, he kind of just tells him that life is shitty, but you are the coolest, and the greatest guy to exist, and some day, you’ll kill your piece of shit father too. yay!

now: young ayato.

he definitely would see it as a lot to take in. because it is.

yes, young ayato isn’t like. . living in a world with sunshine and rainbows because of his mother, but she’s doing it for a reason, right?

he has to be the best, if not for her sake for his own, at least.

seeing his older self.. well, i don’t think it’d be what young ayato would expect. young ayato would 100% expect his older self to be a king already at that age, but.. he’s not.

so we have yet another awkward situation, lol

i don’t think young ayato would heed his older self’s advice then, but it would definitely stick with him, i think. especially the things regarding his brothers.

like, do his brothers die or something? does his mother end up killing them?? why does he have to protect them?? he already does that, doesn’t he? besides, his mother barely pays attention to them, so what’s the issue??

young ayato doesn’t receive any answers, but again, he does take older ayato’s advice, considering they grew like. an instant attachment for like 10 seconds lmao

Kanato:

tbh.. idk who would handle it more maturely lol

this one is genuinely hard for me to think about. i dont think anything would be very serious or deep compared to the others.

i say this because i don’t think kanato sees himself as having any issues? unlike some of the others who at least know morally some things are off (that doesn’t mean they care though) but kanato genuinely thinks nothing of it.

if anything, i think both older kanato and young kanato would be comforted at each other's presences, as weird as it may be.

kanato, as a child craved attention, and while his older self doesn’t necessarily yearn for that affection as much, there’s a comforting feeling to be near, and to get along with someone else who isn’t your mother and/or brothers. yea, it might literally be himself, but neither of them care.

older kanato is actually pretty nice to his younger self. there's not much to say because i dont think kanato, both old and young, would have anything to say about it

seriously, if you were to directly ask kanato like. “why didn’t you tell your younger self about anything that will happen to him?” he’d probably be like “what is there to tell?” because,,, that’s what he thinks. it’s almost like shu, where it’s like ‘oh my trauma wasn’t that bad’, except kanato doesn’t even recognize the trauma.

if for whatever reason he was forced to share something about the current times, or young kanato’s future, it’d probably be about their mother’s death. current kanato is unbothered, though. he coped with it fine ig??

they'd get along at the very least. honestly though i think young kanato would have more feelings about older kanato, if that makes sense?

that being said, younger kanato. younger kanato loves older kanato, and feels comforted by it because despite everything, he sees that his older self is doing just fine.

it’s a strange situation for sure, but young kanato can’t complain because he’s grateful to even have such a comforting moment. even if it’s an odd concept.

Laito:

hm. ok, well honestly im stumped on this one as well-

correct me if i’m wrong but cordelia started abusing laito later in his life, right?

so in this situation, it’d probably be before the abuse from cordelia, at least abuse that isn’t emotional/neglect.

in that case, i think laito would probably tell his younger self something along the lines of ‘love is not real.’ or ‘don’t believe what.. your mother says to you.’

honestly laito is such a complex character. we know this. i’m stuck between what he’d actually tell his younger self though

because does he regret anything during his past? no. was it his fault? no, and he knows that, too, but for his younger self, there’s really nothing he could do about it.

also, i can almost see his response being similar compared to ayato’s, regarding two things:

one, being, kill that bitch

two, being, yes yippee my younger self now has the sweet older brother he’s never had, yay

i honestly don’t know if laito talking to his younger self would do more harm than good for the young vampire.

poor younger laito would first of all be seriously confused as to why he’s seeing and interacting with himself from the future. he’s never heard of that before?? shouldn’t that be like.. impossible?

regardless, he’s excited by the idea at first. like woo! i can’t wait to see what i’m like when i’m older! you know, to give him at least something to be hopeful for.

...older laito completely blows it. perhaps it’s just his younger self’s innocence and naivety but he wasn’t expecting to hear something so.. sad.

i mean, his mother loves him, right?? she doesn’t show it all the time, in fact, it’s closer to never showing any affection but.. she loves him. he knows this.

he does, in fact, not know this.

yeah so old laito isn’t beating around the bush or anything. he’s not throwing out details or anything but he will do his best to convince his younger self that his mother, or their mother, is no good.

also young laito be like?? oooh where can i get that fedora though fdkgjdf

Subaru:

again, i don’t know if this would be better for young subaru, but current subaru would probably go over some things with his younger self, with a lot of hesitance.

subaru thinking so lowly of himself wants to tell his younger self to get used to being a monster and whatnot but he’s not entirely heartless. at least, he’s got some pity for the small child who he can barely recognize as himself, so innocent and gentle.

that being said, he’s stuck between telling him things will get better, as cliche as it is, or he will remain an awful being for the rest of his life.

the truth is, subaru isn’t really an optimist, but!! he does feel bad for the kid, who just so happens to be him. from years ago.

he’d end up deciding to just lay it all on him explaining how his mother is broken, if young subaru hadn’t known already he did but.. it’s the thought that counts?

older subaru would like to say yet another cliche thing, being something along the lines of ‘stay strong’, and ‘some days with your mother will be tough but it’s not your fault and it’s not her fault’.

who’s fault is it, then? his father’s.

outright, i think older subaru will tell himself that karlheinz is utter garbage and that his younger self should never trust him. in fact, i can see him telling his younger self that he should seek whatever way he can in order to rid of him for good.

young subaru kind of already has a good idea of like.. how things are currently, such as his mother being a literal hot mess, to put it lightly, so it’s not much of a surprise to him compared to the fact that his future self is a time traveler???

his older self in the end does impact him in a way that no one else has, that being his only support system at the time but i imagine he wouldn’t always believe in what his older self’s words.

that being said, like the others, seeing his older self provided a bit of comfort for him but not enough, unfortunately.

Mukami's:

Ruki:

well. this would be awkward lol

older ruki would give his younger self a lot of warnings. but, at the same, and whether you want to see this as a wise act or not, ruki wouldn’t tell his younger self about everything that happens.

i say this because .. a lot of the others have done opposite? anyways

ruki would tell his younger self first to not believe any words from his mother from that point on and to completely lose interest in her while he can.

also, probably mentions how his father doesn’t love him as much as he claims, either.

i think older ruki knows for a fact that young ruki is too much of a pompous brat to accept what his older self is saying, in fact, i bet younger ruki doesn’t even believe it but.. i mean. ruki will straight up tell him like ‘it’s up to you whether you want to believe me or not. to be clear, i don’t care whether you do or not, i’m simply providing a warning for what’s to come.’

young ruki is such a brat lmao it’s kinda funny, oops

so does this kid believe ruki? hell no. does he want to believe his older self? hell no

again, ruki knows this. after all, whatever weird timeline current ruki got thrown into, he doesn’t want to mess things up. he knows telling his younger self is really going to go through one ear and out the other, but. whatever.

pushing all the bad stuff aside, ruki will tell his younger self that everything is worth it.

does younger ruki have any idea what older ruki is talking about? no, not even the slightest idea.

and older ruki is correct by assuming his younger self wouldn’t listen, because immediately, other than the ‘what in the world this isn’t possible??’, is like okay, liar.

even if older ruki told him something only ruki would know? still, no, you’re a liar, and you’re wrong.

does he look nearly identical to yourself? yes. but still, the stubborn little thing he is, refuses to believe it. again, this is exactly what older ruki expected.

though after a bit of like.. shut up, i’m done talking to you, older ruki remains patient and coolheaded. probably says something like “what, you’re trying to fool me into thinking you aren’t curious?” to which young ruki is like eugh whatever spit it out, grandpa.

he does, and young ruki still doesn’t care. he’s too good for it, no offense but also like. offense

so, before his older self is gone, he shares that he will be much happier in the future because that is : the truth.

Kou:

both kou’s don’t even know where to begin

ouch ok honestly this one is hurting me a bit HAHA

first, getting the whole “woah this is weird” thing out of the way, it probably hurts older kou more than he’d like to admit.

while he can’t deny the fact that he was once a child and unfortunately did not have the best beginning in his life, i imagine current kou kinda wants to push all that to the side and pretend it never happened.

that, however, is easier said than done and kou knows that. so instead, he tries to just.. avoid thinking about those times. again, easier said than done.

regardless, kou meets his younger self. and it hurts him. he can’t even imagine going through his experience at the orphanage again, so to look his younger self in the eyes and just knowing what’s going to happen to him?

yeah it doesn’t feel very nice.

in fact, i think kou would be the one most likely to fuck up timelines, honestly.

the way he wants to get his poor young baby self out of the sewer (assuming he meets his younger self before all the orphanage stuff) and just take him away to see the big blue sky and all the beautiful things and to eat such wonderful things like vongole bianco??

honestly, either ruki, karl or some unknown being needs to remove kou from the situation before it’s too late. or, maybe he’ll have the small voice in his head that tells him he shouldn’t mess with time because he will for sure feel tempted to just.. take his little baby version of himself to somewhere safer.. ugh.

ngl the urge to see papa!kou rn?? 😩 he’d be such a good parent when he’s at least sane

so, in a scenario where kou isn’t ruining timelines and different universes, at the very least kou would allow his younger self see the sky. and to see cats. and to eat good food, and to feel love.

he wants his younger self to know that he does have something to hope for, and that in the future, things will be perfect.

now, young kou.. sweet little thing doesn’t know how to respond. again, i don’t know if this would be one of the cases where it does more harm than good, but in this case, i think it’d work out for both of them. i’d like to think so, at least

it would give young kou something to look forward to, it’s just.. how long can one hope, really? but he holds on to it.

Yuma:

this one is definitely interesting but also kind of like kou’s where it just.. isn’t as deep?

also, it really depends on what younger yuma old!yuma is talking to, being edgar or bear?

either way, older yuma will tell his younger self that like.. honestly life sucks but work hard enough and you’ll be okay.

reaffirming big bro yuma? yeah

he really would be super nice and chill about it, again, once you push aside the whole ‘this is weird and impossible’ thing.

not much to say, honestly lol rip

regardless if whether or not older yuma has a bit of recollection about his past before being ‘bear’, it doesn’t affect his words. i mean, he looks at it like well. this happened and it made me who i am today.

and at the end of the day, he’s just a simple farmer vampire dude who likes to eat. jk im sorry iknow this is my first post since being back but im on crack. always sorry

i don’t think he’d be upfront about some of his friends dying or anything but like i said, older yuma won’t sugarcoat the facts of life- it can suck. young yuma isn’t completely unaware of this, though, whether he is edgar or not.

that being said, i think yuma might be the only one, or one of the few who is actually like.. excited to share information about himself currently to his younger self.

i mean, is there really harm in telling your younger self all this stuff? idk and yuma doesn’t know either

but he’s really happy to give his younger self a nice moment of peace and quiet where it’s just . them.

in fact, young yuma please ask questions about your future because older yuma is more than happy to share.

like “yep, you’ve got a HUGE ass garden that grows the best crops, and you’ve got the best brothers, too.” you could probably hear him mutter “even though kou’s a little shit..” Fhjsdf

young yuma’s like what?? ?? i don’t? i don’t have any brothers?? but okay i guess.

honestly like some of the other diaboys, yuma grows a nice tight bond with his younger self, despite not knowing each other for long and despite the fact that like.. it’s unusual.

now, onto young yuma’s reactions;

no matter who young yuma is at the time, like pre-amnesia or anything, i think, like some of the other young diaboys who meet their older selves, feel a sense of comfort and hope at the idea.

actually, young!yuma seeing how .. lively his older self is? he really can look up to that.

there is a sense of disbelief, especially for ‘bear’ because how can things get that great?? did he strike gold at one point or something??

either way, it probably does make young yuma feel hopeful about his life. thanks big yuma youre epic i loev ou

Azusa

hmm.. ok

i hate to say it but i feel like azusa’s response might be a bit like kanato’s where like.. azusa doesn’t have much to say, at least

again, like kanato, i don’t think azusa has the brightest concept of like.. hurting himself and getting hurt isn’t good but also he is at least more.. self aware compared to kanato

although, i , once again, think kanato’s and azusa’s reactions would be really similar.

i think i’m kind of stuck because azusa likes pain. and sure, i think azusa might have an idea of it being not so much of a good thing but that doesn’t stop him, nor does it convince him because for him, pain is good.

to azusa, i think he can’t help but think his younger self should get used to the pain if he hasn’t already.

other than that, i’m really not sure.

i think he’d be kind of like yuma where he’d actually be more open to sharing things about himself currently, such as how he has a nice happy family with his bros and stuff like that.

i can also see him wanting to warn his younger self about what happens to justin, christina and melissa but i don’t actually think he would.

current azusa/older azusa is pretty content with the way things are and, similarly to yuma, thinks everything he has gone through made him the person he is today, and he’s okay with that.

now, for younger azusa? well, i think he’d be curious, at least.

i also want to say younger azusa would be a bit freaked out by his older self’s appearance but i don’t really think he would. would he think it’s different? yeah, probably, but at the same time he can immediately recognize himself as. himself.

also, i mean, his older self has clean clothes so?? that’s good? he’s also got a fancy little hat, too.

in the end, i’m not sure if younger azusa would really consider their meeting as important as it should be, i mean i think he knows this isn’t some ordinary thing but.. should he care??

i don’t know if he would. but older azusa would, and would really like to interact with his younger self more if he could.

65 notes · View notes

badlydrawnmanic · 1 year

Text

i used to dislike antoine and bunnie as a couple because i didn’t really understand but now that i’m older i can appreciate their relationship and that they’re good foils to each other. i don’t think they should be married (gonna choose to interpret them as just dating) but they’re still good. i think they’re great foils for each other

i feel like it’s easier to describe what she provides antoine on a surface level, like… she’s very supportive of him and is a great grounding force for any anxiety he might be feeling at any given moment. she’s there for him when he needs it. she calls him cute names and makes him very happy and it’s frankly adorable. she’s his rock and is incredibly gentle and understanding when he needs it most

meanwhile i do think antoine provides some similar things to bunnie. iirc she kinda has a hard time accepting who she is because of her roboticized parts, but like… antoine would jump at the chance to help her feel better, like it isn’t a flaw or a tragedy, nor is it integral to who she is as a person. she’s simply her and he’d think she’s wonderful either way. she also sparks this inherent loyalty in him where like… in normal situations, he often freezes up when something stresses him out, taking a moment to actually jump in and help, but with her, he won’t hesitate. she brings him clarity and he’d 100% take a bullet for her

there’s also more mundane things, like… what better couple than the girl who’s wanted to be a hairdresser since she was a child and pretty much the only dude in knothole who’s fussy about his appearance, especially his hair (they can’t do anything about the little baby cowlick i keep drawing on him tho lmao)

antoine strikes me as neurodivergent (as do many characters i get attached to) so just imagine him going on and on for hours on end about swordplay or culinary arts or stuff he remembers from his childhood and bunnie just listens. she might not have much to add, but she likes seeing him talking about stuff that makes him happy

i hope i’m remembering this correctly but unlike the rest of the gang i don’t think she got unreasonably cross with him or poked fun at him in any meaningful way. i feel like she’d be the one who gets the others to let up on their teasing and leave him be. she feels like she’d be his defender and frankly he deserves it

#Sonic the hedgehog #sonic #sth #Sonic SatAM #SatAM #antoine d’coolette #bunnie rabbot #not an ask #ooc

44 notes · View notes

ceruleangold · 1 year

Text

When I was a teen, I worked at Walgreens. People love forming parasocial relationships with retail workers and so I was asked with great regularity what I wanted to do when I was older.

I’d tell them I wanted to be a social worker.

I’m sure I got positive responses from time to time, but I only remember the negative. I remember the person whose sister or cousin or friend of a friend’s friend was a social worker and “it destroyed their life!”

Inevitably, I quit that job because I heard it one too many times and couldn’t take it.

I went to college with the aim of eventually venturing to law school, but I could never fully orient myself in that direction. I didn’t want to be a lawyer. I wanted to be a social worker. I even double minored in social work & family studies from the very start.

I graduated college eleven years ago. I’ve worked in shelters ever since. I treasure it. I like relationship-building, I like cheerleading, and I like being a safe space for clients to be whatever they want to be.

I’ve dealt with a lot of horror through my years in this work. I’ve heard stories I could never imagine. Stories wilder than fiction. I’ve seen things go wrong so many times, but I still move forward, and still love client work today as much as I did at as the baby-faced 21 year old who went to work with a ribbon in her hair.

Bureaucracy is exhausting. It can become soul crushing. Bureaucracy takes ten times the toll than some of the worst client situations I’ve encountered.

Today we had a meeting about our campus laundry room. They’re going on & on about the remodeling, and so finally I pipe up and ask if the laundry is finally going to be free. In our prior housing model, it could be justified to have coin laundry. But emergency shelter is an emergency intervention. It meets emergency needs. Because it’s for an emergency.

Our head of fundraising immediately combats, “I think we need to ask why the clients aren’t getting a job.” And this is the shit I hate the most. I hate that I become some sort of banshee just trying to get our families their basic needs. I tell him without missing a beat that housing first models cannot and do not require employment. Why is that your response to me telling you there are people who literally cannot afford to wash their clothes?

Later in the conversation, he mentions that our CEO is telling donors that our hygiene/food pantry is a one-time service. I was so flabbergasted with that response that I couldn’t even form a complete sentence and literally just said “No.” He continues to talk over me, because this miserable man is only here for the sake of his own ambition and not actually to support the work of this agency. I pretty brusquely explain that it’s impractical to expect a family to pick themselves up within a month or two, and that again as an emergency shelter we meet emergency needs.

My boss, who might as well a tumbleweed floating outside the web of our agency’s org chart at this point, makes only one comment. Her comment is that we’re not like other shelters and we offer all sorts of other services and have better unit accommodations for the families. Again, the banshee this job requires me to be has to remind her that just because they have a kitchen doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be able to wash their clothes, and just because we are different from other shelters doesn’t mean we don’t accept them from the same coordinated entry referral agency.

Inevitably one of the other c-suiters has to jump in to attempt to de-escalate because big mouth, short stature fundraising man has made a remark that we should refer clients out for these services and I’ve now told him I don’t think it makes sense to send our clients on a wild goose chase on the bus around the 11th largest city in the god damn country to meet their basic fucking needs. She then intervenes to say we should bring these services here (but not free laundry services, naturally) and so I immediately task it to my supervisor because I literally do not have time for this.

When I was 23, I helped a client look for a casket for her newborn after supporting her through her at-risk pregnancy for months and hoping for a brighter outcome. That wasn’t as taxing as trying to convince the literal people I work with that our residents deserve clean clothes, body soap, and housing.

#in which I just yell

7 notes · View notes

cocoartistwrites · 10 months

Note

Hi Coco 💕 I have a bit of a situation right now. I don’t know if it’s going to be huge problem. Please share me your words of wisdom 🤍

I’m 26 years old and I have a girlfriend who I adore very much. She’s incredible. An angel who put up with all my bullshit. I’m bi and she’s my first girlfriend. We’ve been together for a year. However in our relationship, she’s the one that is spoiled by me. Which is fine bcs I love her, but yeah I put more effort.

I just started a new job and I work under this COO. He’s very smart and he’s only a month older than me. He’s a really really really nice guy and he has a girlfriend. We’ve been going on working trips with 3 other people for some weeks. We’re professionals but also casual.

These past few days I kinda realized I might have a crush on him. Just kinda noticed how he is such an attentive listener. He’s very attentive in general. Even though he’s the COO, he’s very humble and doesn’t think of himself as a boss. In fact, I think I consider him a friend.

With him, I feel like I can talk about anything. Which is worrying bcs he is actually my boss. He gets my weird sense of humor. He’s also very funny and it’s worrying how much we joke around with each other privately. We used to only talk in group now he’s sending me memes via work chat.

So far nothing ‘out of place’ has happened. He would randomly send pictures of his lunch or dinner. Or he would send me pictures while he was in a traffic.

What makes me worry is he just sent me a picture of sunset from his place (we are working remotely). And he only said ‘I just remembered you like sunset 😁🌅’ and I only responded with ‘omg so beautiful 😮🤩’

He would also ask me whether I’ve had lunch or not. Asking me why I’m still online at 9pm. All harmless things.

But those things did something to my heart (very corny I know).

So sorry for the long text. I don’t know what to do.

I don't know that you need to do anything about this. It feels like something that will either come to a head in its own way, or pass and you'll feel nothing. Like yes it's complicated - but are you both just at funny points in your relationships and finding something in each other, or are you really making a connection? I'm not sure we know yet which one it is. If you want to know, you can ask him but you risk a lot and only you know if it's worth it I think.

It's a really tough one. But the other option is working out what you're getting in this and raising it with your partner. I think being with someone isn't just love, it's choosing someone over and over again and you don't always know when to stop choosing them... but if you want to keep choosing your girlfriend, tell her that you'd like it if she did whatever it is that your boss does that most particularly feels good. If you think it's time to stop choosing her, think about if you're just looking for a getaway car.

There isn't an easy answer. But love isn't just there. It's an action and a choice and all of that.

Best of luck baby.

2 notes · View notes

coochiequeens · 2 years

Text

These is a long read but it describes what happens to women when they don’t have access to abortion.

Elle doesn’t find it easy to talk about her abortion, not because she regrets it – she would do the same again without any hesitation – but because the memory of the terrible, almost overwhelming, fear and isolation she experienced at the time still makes her feel so angry. “I’m privileged,” she says, twisting the ring on her index finger. “I could afford to travel. But what about those less fortunate than me? I know of a woman who felt so desperate when she found out she was pregnant again, she put her three children in front of some cartoons on the TV, and went straight upstairs to the bathroom to begin launching herself from the toilet on to the floor in the hope of inducing a miscarriage.” She’s fighting tears now. “That woman almost killed herself. What about her? Does anyone want to hear her story?”

Elle, who is 40, works in the culture sector, in a job that she loves. Three years ago, she found herself pregnant, something that came as a terrible surprise: “I’d always been told by my doctors that I couldn’t have children.” Had she ever wanted them? “To be honest, I never really did. I don’t need a child to define myself. But it wasn’t only this that made me afraid. I’m from a single-parent family – my father has a wife and children elsewhere who don’t know about me – and my relationship with my mother is complicated. When I found out I was pregnant, I felt strongly that I didn’t want history to repeat itself. My heart had only recently been broken, and now I was in an on-off relationship with this foreigner who was planning to leave soon. When I saw the result, I freaked out. I didn’t need to make a decision. I knew straight away that I wasn’t going to have a baby. It wasn’t something I felt I was able to do.”

She was, she admits, “very ignorant”. Of course she knew that in Malta, the country where she was born and has lived all her life, abortion is illegal. But until that day, this was not a law she’d ever had to consider breaking. Where could she get information? With whom could she even discuss her situation? Her gynaecologist, booked for a confirmatory scan, was in celebratory mode. Miracles like this didn’t happen every day, she told Elle, offering her congratulations, ignoring her patient’s tears. When Elle suggested that she didn’t want to be pregnant, a veiled threat was made: there would be paperwork; her pregnancy would be noted. Her GP was no better. “Oh, he’ll change his tune when you talk to him,” said this man, when Elle told him she wasn’t in a stable relationship. “At least now you’ll have someone to look after you when you’re older,” he insisted.

What was she to do? But if she was frightened, she was also determined. Somewhere in the back of her mind she remembered something she’d read, and this led her, eventually, to the Abortion Support Network, the charity that used to help Irish women to travel to London for terminations (abortion in Ireland was legalised in 2018). The ASN referred her to the British Pregnancy Advisory Service, but she also ordered abortion pills from abroad (a number of women’s organisations offer this service to those in the first trimester; it normally takes a fortnight for them to arrive). “I was clueless,” she says. “It was taking weeks to get everything sorted: to get an appointment, to arrange leave from work. The pills were my insurance policy.” This, for Elle, was the worst part. The waiting was unendurable. “I had to use my work address for the parcel. I was absolutely terrified. I was obsessed with the fact that someone would intercept it, and call me out.”

In the end, Elle didn’t have to have an illegal abortion in Malta. She travelled with her mother to the UK, and took her pills there, under the supervision of a British clinic – and in this sense, she feels she was lucky (most women dare not risk talking to their mothers, and go through the entire experience alone). But she was also extremely unlucky. The World Health Organization now believes that the safest way to terminate an early stage pregnancy is by using medicine rather than surgically (during the pandemic, it was the only way Maltese women who were less than 10 weeks pregnant could do so – and those further on had no options at all). However, in rare cases, there can be problems such as excessive pain and bleeding; on occasion, the pills may not be effective, and another dose must be taken.

Elle was one of these cases. Quite soon, she was in agony, her temperature rising rapidly. “I thought I was going to die,” she says. “I only managed to stay conscious by thinking about what it would be like for my mother to lose me, her only child. My God. I remember leaning on the side of the bed. My mother would put a cold towel to the back of my neck. The pain was blinding. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I could hardly speak.” She had to take two lots of pills; after the first dose, she didn’t bleed. But eventually the clinic told her that she could now return to Malta: “They advise you to have a follow-up appointment. But this is impossible. You can’t tell anyone what you have done. You just have to take the risk.”

Back at home, Elle had a new respect for her body; she felt superhuman, she says. She was also radicalised. “Afterwards, I suffered from a lot of anxiety,” she tells me. “It wasn’t to do with the abortion. I only felt relieved about that. It was to do with the situation. To have to go through that so far from home. I wanted so much to talk to someone. But I didn’t find anyone, not for a long time.” A veil of silence prevails in Malta on the subject of abortion. No one knows who to trust. Three years on, she dreams of going public: of talking about her experience, the better to shame a government that makes criminals of women; that discriminates openly against half of its citizens, forcing them to take such risks with their health. But right now, she doesn’t dare.

The openly pro-choice regularly receive death threats in Malta; they are murderers and butchers and baby-killers, and should be lined up and shot. Those who have had abortions are sluts who should learn to “keep their legs closed”; if they’re unable to do this, it’s their sacred duty to become mothers, irrespective of their circumstances. Not so long ago, an anti-abortion government minister was informed of the numbers of Maltese women who each year travel to have a termination. “He said that in his opinion, they needed to be hunted down and prosecuted, even if they’d had the procedure abroad. Eventually, someone put him straight. You can’t prosecute someone for something they did in another jurisdiction. But for three or four days, I was absolutely petrified.” Across the table, Elle takes my hand and squeezes it hard.

Malta, which joined the EU in 2004, likes to boast of its liberal credentials. After the (long overdue) legalisation of divorce in the country in 2011, it has since become possible for gay couples to marry, and for transgender people easily to update their birth records to reflect their chosen gender. But this is not, by any means, the whole story. “The LGBTQ community has more rights than women, and I say that as someone who used to be in a same-sex relationship herself,” says Elle. Malta is the only country in the EU where abortion is illegal for any reason, including rape and incest (even in Poland, where restrictions on abortion have been dramatically tightened, a woman who has been raped is still, in theory, entitled to an abortion). If a foetus is found to be unviable, or the baby likely to die at birth or soon afterwards, the pregnancy must continue. If the health of the mother is threatened – as in the case of an ectopic pregnancy – doctors will act, if at all, only when it may already be too late.

Campaigners often cite the example of a Maltese Canadian, Marion Mifsud Mora, whose waters broke prematurely – she was only 17 weeks pregnant at time – while she was on holiday on the island in 2014. Mora begged doctors to abort her foetus, but they refused. Her temperature began to rise dangerously. Believing that her life was in danger, again she asked them to end the pregnancy. Again, they refused. She was saved only by her Canadian health insurance, which paid for her to be airlifted to France for the procedure. Had she not been in possession of such insurance, she would, according to Prof Isabel Stabile, the only gynaecologist in Malta who is openly pro-choice, almost certainly have gone down in history as Malta’s Savita (Savita Halappanavar died of sepsis in 2012, doctors in Ireland having refused to perform an abortion after her waters broke at 17 weeks).

Mora’s doctors may have been anti-abortion. But even if they weren’t – some pro-choice doctors keep their views private – they would have known they were practising in a grey area; they may have been unwilling to take the risk. In Malta, a person who supports a woman who is having an abortion is also deemed to be breaking the law, which makes it extremely difficult for doctors properly to treat their patients (there have been successful prosecutions). “I feel very angry,” says Stabile, when we meet for coffee at my hotel. “Some of my colleagues have tried to argue that even providing information is aiding and abetting.”

Women who use abortion pills in Malta are advised to take them orally rather than vaginally, even though this is widely considered to be less effective, the idea being that should anything go wrong, they are not detectable by doctors. “What do I tell a patient if she tells me she’s taken the pills, and that she’s bleeding too heavily? I have to tell them to lie,” says Stabile. “I must tell them to go to casualty and to tell the doctors there that they are having a miscarriage. Can you imagine having to tell a patient to lie like that? It’s immoral.”

What makes this situation all the more vexatious is the fact that contraception is neither free nor easily available in Malta – and there is widespread ignorance about conception (sex education in schools tends to focus on abstinence and marriage). “Some doctors are still very uncomfortable about prescribing contraception,” says Stabile. “What do you think is the most common form of contraception here? I’ll tell you. It’s withdrawal, because it’s free.” During the Covid pandemic, the Maltese government deemed contraception to be “non-essential” and supplies, which came from abroad, at one point ran out entirely.

How many Maltese women are currently having abortions? In terms of unsupervised illegal abortions using pills taken in Malta, some data exists. In 2021, for instance, 350 packets were shipped to the island. But these numbers do not include pills already in Malta, passed on by friends or well-wishers, or those who want or need to travel (either those who do not want to break the law, or whose pregnancies are too advanced). “On average, 55 women travel to Britain every year,” says Stabile. “But this is the only country we have data for.” Thanks to its booming economy, Malta’s population now comprises a high number (about 20% of the total population) of immigrants and expats. These women may return to their home countries for treatment. Others, particularly those whose papers are not in order, may be completely stuck.

Many women are known to travel to Sicily, which is close to Malta, where a small tourist industry has sprung up around the procedure (“packages” include a driver to pick you up at the airport and, if you require it, a villa). Not all of the operations performed there are, however, fully safe, or performed in professional settings. “We have heard of botched abortions in Sicily,” says Dr Lara Dimitrijevic of the Women’s Rights Foundation. “Some women have had serious medical issues afterwards.” In 2020, an organisation called Doctors for Choice set up a 24-hour helpline for women in need of medical advice. “Four people have called just today,” Dr Natalie Psaila, a GP, tells me, when I meet her one Sunday at her home. Put all these things together and, Stabile estimates, it seems likely that at least 400 women have an abortion every year, and probably many more. “One happens every day,” she says. This isn’t an insignificant number. Malta’s population is only about 500,000.

Those who seek help are of all ages and social backgrounds. The mean age of those ordering pills online is 29.3. Fifty-two per cent are mothers; 24% have two or more children. While I’m in Malta, I meet several women who have had abortions, either on the island or off it. Mary is 26, single, and a teacher, and took pills she ordered to Malta when she fell pregnant. Sophia is 38, an entrepreneur and a single parent to her daughter. She was lucky enough to have a friend who had pills to hand. Clare, a secretary, is a 43-year-old married mother of two who had an abortion in Amsterdam 20 years ago (long before she met her husband).

But however different their situations, they have the same things in common: a fierce sense of outrage at the risks that they and others have had to take; a shared determination that things must change. “The government is exporting a problem,” says Sophia. “It’s always saying we’re No 1 for human rights, but we’re not at all. How can we be when women are treated like walking incubators?” Mary agrees: “The least we deserve is decriminalisation, because women will go on doing this. If you really, really need something, you will find a way of getting it. We’re talking about healthcare, not recreational drugs.”

Malta is a patriarchy, they tell me, one that silences women, and which always “knows best”. There is no equality, they say, not while the influence of the Catholic church remains so powerful. It begins in schools (where the controversial discredited 1984 anti-abortion film The Silent Scream is still sometimes shown to children), and continues from there. Those under-16s who get pregnant are described as “young mums”, not children. In cases of domestic violence and femicide, women almost always take the blame in the court of public opinion (Malta was obsessed by the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard libel case, which confirmed many people’s ideas about victims). In one recent study, 20% of respondents said that rape can be provoked. Women continue to be largely absent from public life. Even after the implementation of a mechanism to enable political parties to appoint women directly to parliament, only 27.8% of Maltese MPs are female.

meet Sophia at an old hotel near the San Anton Gardens, a park that surrounds the official residence of the president of Malta, and after our meeting is over, I wander into it in search of peace and shade. What happens next is almost too perfect, given all that we discussed. A first communion has taken place nearby, and the paths are crammed with small girls dressed as miniature brides: Minnie Mouse shoes, bouncy white veils, pale posies in their hot little hands. The children’s parents look on proudly as professional photographers strain for the right shot, and I watch them, too, from a bench by a fountain. They look so innocent and adorable and happy, but it’s also very hard not to think of what might lie ahead for them, these girls who will form the next generation of Maltese women.

Across Europe, there has been a tightening of abortion laws. “Any country is only one election away from losing abortion rights,” says Mara Clarke, the founder of Abortion Support Network. Poland controversially imposed a near-total ban in 2020; it is now so difficult to get an abortion in Hungary and Romania that ASN is to extend its services to both. There are also a number of places where paper and practice don’t match up. Italy, for instance, has abortion on request up to 12 weeks, but in 2016, Italian health ministry data showed that 70% of gynaecologists refuse to perform the procedure; the ASN doesn’t think the situation has improved since then. In Ireland, women achieved a great victory when abortion was legalised, but many are still travelling to London: there simply isn’t enough provision. Meanwhile, in the US, worry grows following the leaked revelation that the nation’s highest court had provisionally voted to overturn Roe v Wade, the 1973 ruling that effectively legalised abortion in the country.

Malta’s laws mean that campaigners at least have nothing to lose. “Things can’t get any worse,” says Dimitrijevic. “The status quo is the worst-case scenario.” But there are, she believes, tiny chinks of light. Women’s rights groups are increasingly organised. The word “abortion” is no longer so taboo (conversations like ours would, she says, have been unimaginable even five years ago). Activists take succour, too, from the fact that legislation has been passed that will allow foetuses that are the result of IVF to be tested for nine life-threatening genetic diseases, including Huntingdon’s (though such embryos will not be destroyed). The language around this change has pushed the debate forwards.

But still, the fight ahead looks to be long and hard. Last Wednesday, the Women’s Rights Foundation filed a judicial protest on behalf of 188 women, a document that says the Maltese government’s blanket ban on abortion breaches their right to health, privacy and equality. This move replicates the approach the same group took six years ago, when it filed a judicial protest on behalf of 102 women who were campaigning for emergency contraception to be made legal on the island. In that instance, the activists were successful; within months, the government had acquiesced. This time, they do not expect the government to act. But if it doesn’t, they will be free to take their fight to the courts. Most believe the case will end up in the European court of human rights and that there, they will win.

On my last night in Valletta, Malta’s capital, I head out to meet Dr Andreana Dibben, an academic at the University of Malta, the chair of the Women’s Rights Foundation, and the person who passed me all the telephone numbers I needed to do this piece. It is Sunday, and every church I pass – there is a different church for every day of the year in tiny Malta – is full of people celebrating mass. At a bar by the harbour, we talk for a long time, and every word she says is interesting and vital.

A teenage mother herself, it was only when she became a social worker and met victims of domestic violence that she became pro-choice. Violent men use pregnancy as a control mechanism, she says; in Malta, they’ve also been known to use its abortion laws to prevent their partners travelling. Does she feel there is any political will to change? She isn’t sure. The ruling Labour party would, she says, win an election even if it lost the votes of older voters who are anti-abortion. However, politicians continue to speak one language in Malta, and another to their European counterparts, playing it both ways. (The human rights commissioner for the Council of Europe and the human rights committee of the UN have both told Malta the situation must change; some MEPs are also pushing for abortion to be included in the EU’s charter of rights.)

But she won’t be pessimistic. The first time she went on television to talk about abortion several years ago, she was trembling. Even to say the word in public felt momentous. Now, though, she feels strong. There is such solidarity among activists, and she knows how badly women want change, even if many are too frightened to make this public. Sometimes, it gets her down, hearing women’s stories: the suffering, the loneliness, the fear. To listen is to carry a heavy burden. “But then, someone will recognise me, and they’ll say thank you. And then they’ll say it again: No, I really mean it. Thank you.” Behind her fabulous glasses, her eyes narrow. She’s smiling now. “It happens all the time, and it makes all of it worthwhile.”

Some names have been changed

#Malta #Women’s lives without abortion access #reproductive justice #Men who say “but rich women will have access to abortion” don’t really care about poor women

5 notes · View notes

simgrump · 2 years

Photo

Gen One, Day Twenty-Eight

“What do you think?” Robyn asked Johnny when she got home. Johnny had listened to the suggestion, seeming to think it over, but at the question he lifted a brow at her before a small smile spread across his lips.

“It’s your body,” he told her. “I don’t think I can tell you what to do with it.”

She sighed, slightly irritated but it wasn’t really at him. It was the situation, the predicament. Another expense to their wallets that she was considering. Was she overreacting to a few aches and pains? Was this something every woman had to deal with and she was just being a baby about it?

“Yes, but...” she trailed off, pointing to her chest. “Do you think they’re too big?”

Johnny’s brow raised and it was the first time she could remember being annoyed at the look of playfulness that crossed his face. “This is dangerous territory.”

“Johnny, this is serious,” she protested, sounding more desperate than she meant to, but she also had to admit that the prospect of surgery was scary to her. She had warring voices in her head telling her to just man up and get it taken care of so she could get on with life without the aches and pains, and a voice in her mind telling her she was vastly overreacting to just getting older. That what should she care? Most men would love the size of her breasts.

“Okay, okay,” Johnny said calmly, reaching across the table for her hand. “I’m sorry.” The genuine look on her face had her forgiving him immediately and she pouted slightly to show she really wanted his opinion on this. “I think that no matter what my opinion on your chest size is, you should do what makes you happy and healthy. Because that will make me happy and healthy.”

Robyn thought about the words, because they were perfect and for once, she didn’t want them to be. She sighed. “You like them the way they are.”

Johnny scoffed. “Did I say that somewhere in there? I thought I was doing good.” Robyn groaned, leaning her head back because she didn’t know what the right decision was. Johnny laughed, pulling her forward again like he wasn’t going to let her out of it that easily. “Look, Robyn, I did not ask you out for lobster rolls solely because you had a great rack. Yes, I like them. I liked them then, I like them now, I will like them when you’re eighty and they hang down to your knees.”

The comment made her laugh, even if it shouldn’t have and she bit her lip, looking at him sincerely. He leaned forward to speak softer to her. “Do what makes you happy.” She sighed, nodding her head. He always knew how to get her out of her own negative thoughts.

Legacy Page

#ts4 #ts4 legacy #ts4 story #legacy challenge #sims 4 #rrl #rrl01 #rrl01w4 #rrl01d28 #robyn #johnny

2 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 2 years

Text

1529

How old were you when you met your first love? I was 13 when we were first introduced, although I knew the person way before that - since kinder, to be exact.

Are you taking this survey in a place other than your home? Nope, I’m home this time. I’m currently in my room. Did you get ice cream from the ice cream truck when you were little? Do they still have an ice cream truck where you live? We don’t have ice cream trucks here; they come either in tricycles (if it’s branded ice cream) or in these colorful pushcarts (if it’s dirty ice cream). I will hear an ice cream jingle go around the neighborhood every once in a while, but I never buy because I’m not a big fan of ice cream anyway What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you? It has to be that incident with my grandpa and my cousin who was still a baby at the time, when the former got super intoxicated. I don’t want to narrate it all over again ever again, but things escalated very fast. Fortunately I was the sole witness so I was able to call on my relatives to run over; unfortunately I was the sole witness and I feel sorry towards my 9 year old self for having that miserable responsibility of making sure the situation didn’t worsen.

Yes, I think it will forever stay with me. I love my grandpa, who’s now passed on, but my feelings will always be conflicted one way or another; and I visit that cousin every weekend, so every time I see him I will be lying if I said I don’t get taken back to that incident.

Who was the last person in your family to graduate high school? Was it you? It was my brother and the above ^ cousin. Both graduated this year.

Have you ever been to Disneyland? Nopes.

Your last ex finds out you’ve fallen in love with another person? I haven’t, and I can’t give a hoot what she would think if I did. That ship has sailed a really long time ago and we lead our own lives now.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had? Coffee that I actually made last night, lmao. But I fell asleep too early with the mug barely consumed, so I’m drinking out of it now instead. What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? It wouldn’t be possible.

Has the last person you kissed met your family? My entire immediate family and some extended family, yes.

Why are you doing this survey? It’s been bookmarked in my likes for a time and I wanted to take it. Don’t you hate it when your cell phone dies in the middle of a convo? It gets bothersome but the irritation is more towards myself than the phone since it’s my fault that I waited long enough for the phone to die anyway.

When people fill out your surveys, do you read their answers? I don’t make my own surveys, but yeah most of the ones I take these days are lifted from what others have taken so I take the time to read the answers.

Have you ever had to cancel a bank account? Nope, but I think one of my bank accounts has been automatically cancelled since I had emptied it out at one point and stopped using it after. I have no way of knowing if it’s been cancelled, though, because I’ve forgotten my password LOL

Was the last conversation you had an argument? Nope, I was just mentioning some of my work to my sister.

If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? No. I don’t feel nowhere near ready to be married at 24.

Would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $15,000? Yeah, I don’t think being naked is a big deal lmao especially when there’s that amount of money involved.

Would you date someone three years older than you? I’ve no clue if I would; I don’t really know what my preferences are, honestly. My only experience is with someone who’s the same age. But if we vibe well and I’m really into this hypothetical older person, I don’t see the issue in dating them.

When was the last time you had Starbucks? Last week.

Who was the last friend you added on Facebook? A high school classmate who must’ve made a second account, because I remember already being Facebook friends with them in the past.

Are you in love? Nope.

Where was the last place you got completely wasted? My birthday weekend with Hans, Angela, and Reena at Zambales. Not only did I end up really drunk, I also sprained my ankle and had to be nursed by the same people we ended up having a good time with the night before (who, very fortunately, happened to be members of a rowing team and had a first aid kit ready).

How long was your longest make out? Idk man. And I’d rather not look back.

What if you were pregnant and the last person you kissed was the father? I kissed a girl last.

Do you want to dance? Erm not right now, no.

How has the week been? Great! Work was on the lighter side - still busy, of course, but manageable - and I get to enjoy a day off today because my workplace declared a company-wide mental health break day. I’m seeing a friend for dinner later on so couldn’t be more excited for this long weekend.

Have you ever changed the prices of items at a store? No and does that even work tf?

In your opinion, which hurts more physical or emotional pain? Both hurt the same, just manifested differently. I’ve never found it fair to compare.

When did summer break start for you? I’ve stopped looking forward to summer breaks/vacations since ending school two years ago.

What else are you doing right now? I’m listening to music and occasionally patting Cooper and taking a sip from my coffee.

When was the last time you drank alcohol? What was it? Two Thursdays ago when I was in the afterparty for one of our events.

Speaking of toast, what do you eat on yours? Continued from the previous morning. Not a big eater of toast; I only ever have it at breakfast buffets in hotels as far as I know lol. In any case, just butter is fine. I find more satisfaction in the burntness(?) of the toast rather than the toppings.

Do you own an iPod/mp3 player? What kind? I used to use an iPod Nano, the 4th gen one. I still have it in that I haven’t thrown it out, but I haven’t used it since high school.

Are you going to any concerts or festivals this summer? No. I wanted to go to the Seventeen concert in October, but I LARGELY underestimated how intense the ticket demand was going to be. I’ll let the bigger fans and those more deserving enjoy the show.

If not, are there any you really want to go to? I really want to go to Jessi’s concert next month but I don’t think I’d be able to give myself a good time (and act as good enough a fan) because I only know like 3 or 4 songs of hers. It’s the same sitch as Seventeen where I’d be happy letting the bigger and more deserving fans attend.

When’s your birthday? April 21st.

When was the last time you got drunk/high? What happened? I drank last night but I did it so slowly I don’t think I ever got even tipsy at any point hahaha. That being said, the last time I felt a legit Buzz was sometime in May I think was it? Early June? when my workmates and I went to this speakeasy.

#survey #surveys

2 notes · View notes