#I'm just frustrated is all. I was genuinely hoping that it would be a switch around bait because it would be funny | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

plasticferal · 3 months

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hey queen! can you pls do an angst story with chris. where they get into an argument and chris said things he never meant. then he apologizes to her afterwards. ( basically angst to fluff)

damsel in distress | chris sturniolo.

i added my own twist to this ask. it's my favourite prompt so thank you! 18+ protective!ex-boyfriend chris x fem!reader. fighting, touches on themes of unwanted attention, mentions of alcohol, explicit language. reader discretion is advised. p.s inspired by the unreleased olivia rodrigo song 'prison for life'.

the house is filled with familiar faces and strangers. a small gathering turned into a full blown house party from the moment the word got out. where the sturniolo triplets are, a flock follows. you sigh, pushing and shoving your way through the unwanted crowd.

all you want is to make it into the kitchen, miraculously being the only place no one wants to linger. the last person you need to see right now is your ex lover. chris is standing ahead of you, leaning on the kitchen counter, alone in the room. you shut the doors behind you, needing to escape. even if it means with him.

“if you wanted to get me alone, you could have just asked." he speaks smug, before taking a sip from his red solo cup.

“i'm not in the mood,” you dismiss. you open the fridge, eyes scanning the shelves but nothing calling your name.

you know you're not actually looking for anything, you just don't want to look at him. the entire night has you shaking with anger. from the mess in your home, the lack of care everyone is taking, the noise complaint you know you'll be getting later, and worst of all, that one guy who won't leave you alone.

you've never seen him before tonight, you don't even know his name, but all he's done is make you uncomfortable. try to dance with you, try to give you drinks. he brushes your waist every time he walks past.

all of your friends have been encouraging you to go for it, to get over chris. and honestly, you consider it for a moment. just to finally move on, but you can't bring yourself to. at least not with some random creep.

the break up is still raw. he tells everyone it was 'mutual' but it was a part on your request. he'd never throw you under the bus like that. he knows why you made your decision, he's never questioned it.

chris feels like it's unrequited love. although, you haven't lost any love for him, no matter how much you try to push him away. he has every right to despise you, but he doesn't.

every time you close a chapter with him, you find yourself in a sequel. it's like you're re-reading different stories, but the ending stays the same. your heart wants him, your brain wants to hate him.

"what's wrong?" he asks, sensing you're genuine in your frustration.

"nothing." you refuse to let him know what's happing in your world, let alone your mind. you don't need to let in him anymore, even though you want to let it out. he's the one person who could just sit and listen to you for hours on end.

"alright, just askin" his words trail off into a hush. he switches the tone, not wanting the conversation to stop.

“your friends are nice” he speaks in a sickeningly sweet tone, because if anyone knows how to kick you while you're down, it's him.

"you would think that" you scoff, implying that you've seen them throw themselves at him all night. him pouring them drinks, smiling and frothing over the attention he's receiving.

"the fuck is that supposed to mean?" his temperamental side seeps out, and you grow only more irritated.

"chris, can you get out please?" you huff, hands crossing over your chest. an unintentional way to seperate yourself from him, a metaphorical wall being put up.

"such a party pooper. you really gotta let loose, relax a bit." his words come out a lot more nasty that you hope he meant them, and it makes your face hot.

you give him the benefit of the doubt and think he's speaking with resilience, at the fact you keep shutting him down.

"i wonder why we ever broke up." you reply sarcastically, a fake smile on your face. he rolls his eyes, finishing off his drink and letting out an audible "ah," like a child finishing a juice box.

"i haven't seen you all night, y/n" his voice softens, and it becomes clear he's speaking for the sake of talking to you. he always wants to talk to you.

looking at the counter quickly to place his cup down, he looks back at you, tilting his head to the side slightly. he's not being horrible to you, he never has been. he's still in your life whether you like it or not, despite your hostility.

"sorry. i'm just tired." you lie. he knows it.

"your poker face isn't very good. i learnt that the hard way," he bounces his eyebrows, biting the tip of his tongue, eyes a bit wider as he stares at the ground and you can tell he's having a flashback.

you chuckle at the reference. the one time he caught you faking an orgasm didn't end very well, and he's been able to catch you out ever since. he's never been afraid to pull you up on your own fibs.

"sorry, again." you hug your body tighter, avoiding his eyes. he pushes himself off the counter with a stretch like hum and walks over to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

"stop apologizing, you sound like matt," he rolls his eyes lightheartedly, and you let out a small laugh. that's always his intention, to make you smile.

"c'mon princess, let's get you a drink. seems like you need it." he nods toward to the door, rubbing your shoulder enthusiastically.

you let him try to fix your mood, because god knows you do actually need to stop stressing. you can't control what happens, just how you react. that's what chris always used to say when you were together.

feeling safe in his embrace, he security guard style moves you through the party. he hollers "excuse me!" and "coming through!" and everyone just listens, parting like the red sea. he's not the biggest guy in the room, but he sure is the most assertive. especially with you under his arm.

when you finally get to the drinks table, he makes you a vodka lemonade, saving the rest of the can for himself to finish off. it's not the most thrilling drink, but enough to keep you settled. ease the tension a bit. plus, it tastes good. no harm, no foul. as chris is mixing the liquids into cups, you feel an unwanted hand snake up around your hip.

"there you are. are you hiding from me?" your stomach drops at the voice of the mystery man towering over you, and you look ahead to watch chris's eyes snap up instantly.

chris lowers the cups, holding his eyes on the man behind you. you watch as he kinks his neck and his jaw tenses, taking a step closer. you shake your head at chris, holding a hand up subtly to tell him not to come any closer.

turning around, you stare up at the man. his breath reeks of liquor, and his shirt is drenched is sweat. it makes you sour your face and tense your entire body.

"i don't know what you want from me, but it's not gonna happen. i think you should leave." you speak sternly, trying not to let your voice shake with pure nerves. not even liquid confidence could help you right now.

"the party's just getting started," the man smiles, stumbling toward you in what you think is an attempt at a hug, but you begin pushing his body away from yours with a shove.

"dude, she doesn't want you. walk away." you hear chris's direct voice over your shoulder.

the last thing you want is negative attention on chris in a room full of people who would spread the news like wildfire. you never want that for him.

"it's okay, i got this." you dismiss chris in the nicest possible way, but you're being serious.

"come on, we'll have fun," the man hiccups through his words, mumbling them and tripping over toward you again.

"get the fuck away from her." chris's breath hits the back of your neck as he moves even closer to you.

"christopher, i'm serious. stop." you speak through grit teeth, so people can't read your lips, as he lingers next to you.

you try to be as inconspicuous as you can in your rejection to his advances, but he won't give up. the man appears more annoyed, and he grabs your wrist with a tight grip.

"let go of me." you grab the mans hand, trying to pry his grip without making it obvious.

you’re shaking at the thought of attention drawing. not for you, but for chris. eyes are already on you, being his ex. it's not what he ever wanted for you either. if he could make it all disappear, he would. it becomes more difficult when chris notices, and this time, has no intention of backing down.

"i'm not gonna repeat myself, back the fuck up." chris walks around your body, face to face with the guy who has a hold on you now.

"please, chris." you beg, voice quivering.

you know his temper can change in the blink of an eye. him and matt both have that in common.

"she doesn't need your help, pretty boy." the man splatters his words, a malicious smile on his face as he leans toward chris, almost nose to nose.

chris smiles criminally, flashing his teeth.

"you're right," chris puts his hands up in defence, a downward smile on his face as he chuckles darkly, taking a big step backward.

there's a feeling of relief, and intense fear as he actually does start to back away. but you know chris. unfortunately, it's unavoidable.

you try to catch his eyes, and speak through a begging stare without using words. he looks at you with sadness, and you mime the words, 'please don't'.

the moment the man tugs your wrist as if to leave with him, making you wince with the grip he holds. you regret your counteraction instantly, because chris reacts viscerally.

he flares his nostrils and squeezes his nails into his palm, balling up his hands by his hip. his knuckles are turning white.

before you can get pulled away, chris lunges forward with a tight fist, throwing a strong, perfectly aligned punch to the mans cheekbone. it throws the man to the ground in the blink of an eye, relieving the pressure on your skin. you stumble backwards, out of the line of fire.

chris steps heavily forward, shoving a foot into his ribcage before straddling his legs, completely overpowering him. the man projects forward to swing and hit chris's mouth. chris doesn't even flinch, like it was painless. you watch chris raise his arm up again to pummel down onto the now defenceless stranger.

the surrounding crowd gasps and yells, clearing the space that chris has created with his actions. iphone cameras flash, making you feel sick. the whispering and gossip you can already hear pounding in your head is overwhelming.

you feel so futile. chris is too in his own world to even realise the repercussions. you're not saying the guy didn't deserve it, you have no care in the world for him. you care about the aftermath.

in a fantasy world, a daydream, a fairytale even, this is attractive. a knight in shining armour, fighting for his lady. a world where there are no consequences, or social media, or fear. a reality chris has suddenly forgotten about.

he looks natural doing it, too. the veins in his arms so prominent, his tight mouth and huffed breaths as he gives it everything he's got.

you're frozen in shock, watching chris pelt another punch into the man, and you want to pull him off, you know you need to, but all your body can do is watch. watch the two men roughhousing and exchanging blows, chris taking every hit with pride.

you're numb to the feeling, screaming in your head.

appearing out of thin air, nick and matt are in your line of vision, hiding the chaos ahead of you. his brothers move into action before anyone else needs to.

they've obviously been summoned, but there's a part of you that believes they could just sense it. like they telepathically knew chris was getting himself into trouble by the lack of surprise they express.

nick grabs chris by the collar of his shirt, pulling him off. matt grabs his wrists, to stop him from using his fists. the fight comes undone, finally, but chris is disoriented. he spits onto the man as he's being escorted into the kitchen by his brothers.

your eyes burn with tears that refuse to fall, and matt sweeps your hand up, guiding you with them in a hurried manner. matt is trying to snap you back to reality, but it's just white noise.

chris hits his palm aggressively with frustration against the door frame of the kitchen as you all walk through, and you take a deep breath to compose yourself. your eyes are still welling as you choke back a sniffle, and you're not sure if it's shock, hurt, or anger anymore.

you're in a trance as you walk over to the freezer. your body is in autopilot, moving without you even knowing. you grab a frozen bag of vegetables out of the tray.

"so fucking stupid," you say nastily under your breath, slamming the door shut.

walking over to chris who's sat up on the ledge of the sink. you throw the packet at his chest, and he grabs it, questioning you for a second before matt walks over and shows him to place it on his bruised and red raw knuckles.

the room is filled with tension.

matt is biting his nails, you're leaning against the closed door, and nick finds himself squatting on the floor.

"what the actual fuck was that?" nick is too stunned to even yell, he just speaks aloud.

"i asked you not to, chris. i could have handled it myself." you shake your head, vision blurry as you stare vacantly ahead. you want to lash out at him, but for some reason you can't.

"yeah, it really looked like you had it under control." he crushes the frozen packet harshly against his hand.

"we'll leave you two alone." matt cuts through awkwardly, shooting nick a warning glare.

matt knows it's not his place to go off at chris right now. he'll do that later.

"but-" nick begins, and matt snaps toward the door. you hear nick sigh, knowing he would love nothing more than to stay and listen to you tear into chris. alas, they both leave promptly, matt flashing you a sympathetic smile on the way out.

you can hear from the other side of the door, both nick and matt are hustling trying to kick everyone out. it’s a weight lifted off your shoulders. the literal mess being left behind is the least of your worries now.

you're alone with chris in the kitchen again, the second time not being anymore pleasant than the first. you blame yourself fully for dropping your guard, even if for a second.

“i begged you not to, chris.” you repeat with a stern tone, laced with betrayal and genuine hurt.

he’s silent for a moment, staring at you from across the room with no emotion on his face. you know he feels terrible, he doesn’t have to show it. or tell you.

“did you think i was just gonna stand and watch?” he rebuttals.

“i would have preferred that, honestly.” you don’t understand how he can’t grasp the intensity of the situation.

"did you want him? go back out there then." he's bitter, pointing at the door. you roll your eyes, shaking your head in disbelief.

"chris," you start. he keeps talking.

“because i’m sure he’s still laying on the floor. go ahead. he might have a hard time talking now, though.” chris shrugs, speaking in a provoking manner.

“you’ll be lucky if he doesn’t press charges." you apprise.

“he should feel lucky i didn’t do worse.” he takes another step toward you, presumptuous in the way he carries himself.

"you've done a lot of stupid shit, chris. but that," you raise your hand as you speak, laughing in shock.

"that was unbelievable." you pinch the bridge of your nose, taking yet another deep breath.

"you know what's unbelievable is how you haven't even thanked me once" he ignores your words and bites back with irritation, face growing more twisted with upset.

"thank you?" you repeat, jaw dropping. you step toward him this time. you feel dejected trying to get him to understand.

"thank you for what? for causing a scene? for putting yourself in danger?" you step forward again, feeling like you could drive your heels into the ground beneath you.

"you're acting insane" he brings his hands to his head, tugging at his own hair with despair. his words sting, despite the back and forth arguing.

"you're the one that lashed out on that guy with no consideration for anyone else around you. that's insane" you speak with physical gestures unconsciously.

you're trying to reason with him, but with the state he's in, it's like trying to put a brain in a statue. you examine him, trying to search for his eyes but his body won't keep still, twisting and moving around.

"fuck, okay, i get it! i get it, y/n. you're not happy with me. you never fucking are apparently," his words trail off and he waves you away, turning his back to you. he sounds desperate for it to end.

you want to scream at him at the top of your lungs, and quite frankly, you could. your face burns and steam is about to shoot out of your ears.

"you don't need to protect me anymore, chris."

"i saved your ass out there." he speaks with his hand, four fingers direct to your chest. his words are like salt being rubbed into an open wound.

"saved me? that's a fucking stretch. your brothers saved your ass, because you don't think before you fucking act!"

"this is about YOU, y/n! what i did for you!" he slaps the back of right hand into the palm of his left.

"i'm not some damsel in distress that you need to sweep up and put in a tower, chris"

"yeah well at least in a tower you can't attract trouble." he speaks as if it's your fault, and of all the things he's just spit out, that's by far the worst. the most menacing and cut to the bone tone he's used.

"that was low, even for you." you huff, emotions at an all time high.

your breathing feels tight, but instead of reacting, you force yourself to seperate your emotions from the reality of the situation. you're both feeling very intensely, and expressing it the same way.

in hindsight, you could have redirected some of your emotions, but you also wish chris would take back some things he's said. there's no excuses.

chris re-collects himself and turns toward you again. he shrugs his shoulders, like he has nothing left to say. no fight left.

the closer chris is standing the more prominent his face is, and more specifically, his busted open lip.

you gasp in a mix of being upset, and shock. it feels like a piece of your heart is breaking off, seeing his delicate, pale skin so sore.

"your lip, chris." you exhale, stepping toward him.

he flinches when your hand raises to touch his face, and you know now that you've acknowledged it, it's hurting him. neither of you paid any attention to it amongst the turmoil.

"come here." you sigh, pulling his arm, bringing him over to where the paper towels are, in the corner of the sink.

tearing a white square into your hands, you rinse it under cold water lightly before squeezing the saturation out, leaving a damp cloth in your hand.

turning into chris's body, he looks down at you. he's still at last, and looks like he has no thoughts behind his now seemingly innocent eyes.

you cup his cheek gently, to turn his face downward. you bring the towel up to his lip, wiping his stained chin and mouth. he lets you, and doesn't even wince. he visibly gives into your touch. he's content.

"i need you to promise me you'll never do something like that again." you pull back, folding over a clean side and then wiping his lip softly, trying not to cause him pain.

"i can't promise that." he speaks in a whisper, as if he doesn't want you to hear his word.

with his lip no longer being red, you toss the damp and crumbling paper into sink, making it a problem for another time.

"why?" you look into his eyes, wiping your hands on your shirt.

his blue eyes are big but blameless, pupils dilated. holding his stare as your arm lowers.

"because if anyone lays a hand on you again, i'm going to prison for life." the piece of your heart that broke off earlier reattaches at his words alone.

chris's much shorter hair is spikey around his ears, and wet at the ends, turning dark brown from his sweat. you caress his messy curls, tucking it over the curves of his ears and taming the wispy strands. you hold his head in your hands, tiling him up and your mouths are inches apart.

"how hard did he hit your head?" you ask against his lips. he chuckles, genuinely.

he's an idiot, undeniably. but the gut wrenching, lawless love he has for you makes him that way. his low, smooth laughter, makes your heart skip a beat.

"i mean it, y/n."

"but i know, i know it was stupid." he admits.

"yeah, it was." you agree, shaking his head around slightly.

he grabs your hands with his own, engulfing them and holding them in his palms. he squeezes your hands, bringing them to his lips and kissing your knuckles.

"i'm sorry." he speaks on your skin.

"like really fucking sorry." he strains his head back with remorse, making his adam's apple more prominent, and he swallows hard. like he's swallowing his guilt.

"i said some nasty things. i wish i could take them back, y/n. i really do."

"i know, chris."

"no, you don't. i'll apologise to you everyday for the rest of my life if i have to. i've been horrible tonight."

"chris, enough," you hush him, the calmness in your tone making him understand you hear him. loud and clear. you need some time to forgive, but you absorb his words.

"i don't know how you didn't smack me in the mouth." he jokes, and you giggle through your breath.

"there's still time," you joke back. and he knows it by your tone.

"i could never bring myself to do that. as much as you deserve it." your banter eases the pressure, and you feel chris squeeze your hands in his again.

you rub your thumbs over his knuckles, looking at the little purple marks forming. he notices your face drop with stress, and he slips his hands away, moving to your hips instead.

"hey, i'm fine. i don't care what happens to me, i just need you to be okay."

"i am okay," you reply. he drops his face with a look that expresses he doesn’t believe you. you give a light eyeroll, and small smile.

"i mean it, i swear.” you raise your pinkie finger to him, to keep your promise. knowing it’s the only way he’ll actually believe you.

chris smiles, weak with his bruised lip, and wraps up your pinkie with his own, wriggling your hands around.

"i'm always gonna want to protect you." he pulls you toward his body. he's so warm, and radiates a magnetic energy that makes you want to collapse into his arms.

you know you don't need him to, but deep down, you would like his protection. his unconditional love. selflessness.

"i'll be sure to send you love letters in jail" you grin up at him, and laughs from the chest.

his voice is like a scratched record, fatigue taking over his body. you swallow hard, all of your senses coming back. he feels so real standing in front of you all of a sudden, like it's not just a dream you're about to wake up from.

"stay the night." you speak mindlessly.

chris brushes your hair from your face, cupping the back of your neck lightly to pull your forehead to his lips, kissing just above your eyebrows gently. he rests his chin on the crown of your head, pulling you tight to his chest in an embrace.

"i'll stay forever if you ask me to."

this is the feeling he fights for. requited love.

#chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo angst #chris sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo fic #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo blurb #sturniolo triplets #damsel in distress

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citrusandcyanide · 8 months

Text

Can't Lose You | L.G.

Pairing: Lip Gallagher x f!reader

an. This is my first fic since switching back to this blog and it's also my first Lip fic. I'm So happy to be writing again :,) . This idea won the poll but I'm still cooking up the rest. This will probably be 2-3 parts long. First part is mostly just background, but still got some angst. Would love feedback <3

Synopsis. College decisions are being sent out. Lip doesn't want to go to college unlike his best friend who has her mind set on leaving Chicago and her feelings for Lip behind.

words. 3k

Warnings. Unrequited feelings. angst, smoking, drinking, and angry lip.

Part 2 Part 3 (final)

“I got in,” Lip said standing in the doorway of his best friend's bedroom. You were laying on your bed with a book in your hand when he appeared suddenly in your room. Sitting up, you put the book down and turned towards the door. You gave Lip a confused look as he walks towards you. He sits on the bed beside you before continuing. “MIT. I got in.”

“Mandy’s application really worked huh?” You were shocked. The situation was almost amusing. Mandy had submitted five college applications in his name. She told you before submitting them, even going as far as asking you to look over them to make sure they were good. Of course when you went to tell her the plagiarism was evident, she cursed you out and left offended. It was funny that one of them worked, but part of you was genuinely shocked. This meant an escape for Lip. A real chance of leaving Chicago and the south side behind, to move on and up. You were genuinely happy, excited even. Lip, on the other hand, didn’t look excited. It was clear by his expression that he was shocked, maybe even a little proud. But he also seemed unimpressed by the prospect of what this meant for his future.

“You going?” You asked, hopeful that the answer would be yes. You contained your excitement, seeing that he was still unsure if this was good news.

“Nah. You know I hate the Red Socks” Lip replied, earning a scoff from you.

“That’s bullshit,” you replied, smacking him on the arm with the book you were reading. “Well, what about the others? Mandy said she was applying to five.”

“Got three rejections, but uh, UChicago let me in,” He laid back on the bed, using his arm to prop him up. “And I’ve been thinking of all the shit you said about College being important and all.”

“And?” you said, now looking down at him. You were hoping he would say he was going. Lip was one of the smartest people you know, but also the dumbest. He had an amazing brain but had no clue how to use it sometimes. It was the cause of the biggest tension in your friendship. You were just as smart as Lip, but it didn’t come so easy to you. You were a hard worker, but only because you had to be. It was the only way you saw yourself surviving. To get into college meant an escape from the Southside life and struggles. It was important to you. Lip knew it. He had to listen for the last two years as you stressed out over formulating the applications. He also had to witness a few panic attacks caused by it. College stood on an almost unreachable pedestal, but nothing could convince you you couldn’t reach it.

You tried your hardest to convince Lip to at least try for the dream, but he wouldn’t listen. He wouldn’t try. And yet the opportunity still was handed to him on a silver platter, like everything good in his life. Here he was, being handed salvation, and he was still going to deny it. A part of you was angry at that, but it was useless being frustrated with him.

You couldn’t help but think about Mandy. If he really was considering going to college, it wouldn’t be because of you. It was because of Mandy. Lip may be your best friend, but Mandy has had all his attention recently. You told him to apply to college. Lip refused. Mandy applied for him and now he listens.

It just added to how much you wanted to leave. Everytime you saw Mandy, you had to endure listening to her talk about Lip. The two of you were friends of course. You were thrilled to see her happy, but it still stung seeing her get to Lip instead of you. Lip, the boy down the street, your best friend since your parents moved in when you were young. The boy who stuck by your side through elementary and middle school when it was difficult to make other friends. The boy who took your first kiss in front of the whole school when other girls teased you for not having it yet. During middle school dances, the one who would sit on the bleachers with you instead of dancing. Who you’d spend all your time with. The one who’d sneak you out of your house late at night to smoke joints under the L. The boy you couldn’t help but love.

He knew it, and you knew he did. It became all too obvious in high school. Lip had started dating girls fairly quickly. He’d spend more nights busy with other girls. It interrupted the time you got to spend together. You understood he had needs and you weren’t exactly wanting to become fuck buddies. So you let it be, trying to ignore the jealous pit in your stomach.

It all boiled up until one day near the end of sophomore year. The two of you had made plans to hang out at his house, order some food and get high. When you got there, he wasn’t home. Ian and Fiona said they didn’t know where he was. You decided to wait awhile. Debbie had recruited you to play with dolls. When he got back, you had helped yourself to a bag of chips and a soda. He wasn’t alone. A girl you recognized from physics class was strung on his arm. He freezed when he made eye contact with you from your position on the couch. You heard him mutter “shit” under his breath. Your gaze shifted between the girl and Lip. You were beyond irritated, but you refused to show it. Instead you turned your head to the tv.

“You gonna introduce us, Lip?” You asked, breaking the silence. He didn’t reply. The girl did instead.

“Um, I’m Jenny… we know eachother from class,” Her tone was awkward, but you could tell she was genuinely trying to be nice. There was a small giggle when she spoke “I’m Lips girlfriend now.”

Your head shot back up to look at Lip. Your eyes were wide. He didn’t tell you anything about this. He hadn’t even mentioned her to you before, let alone give you a heads up that he was gonna ditch you to spend time with her. Lip avoided your eyes. You were boiling now and Lip could feel it radiating off of you.

“You could have told me you were bringing company. I would have brought more weed,” You said, the bitterness clearly evident in your tone.

“Gross. I don’t smoke,” Jenny replied disgusted. You raised your eyebrows and nodded.

“Real keeper, Lip,” You gave him a sarcastic smile. He scoffed.

“Just go home, kid. We’ll talk tomorrow, Okay?” Lip said before telling Jenny to go up the stairs to his room. You didn’t move from the couch.

“No, I’ve been waiting here for hours. You could have at least given me a heads up that you were going to cancel. I could have gone home.”

“Yeah, well, I’m telling you to do that now,” His voice had grown agitated.

“What is up with you lately? We’ve barely seen eachother and the one day you suggest we actually hang out, you ditch me. Not cool, Gallagher.”

“Give me a break,” He said running a hand through his hair. His leg was bounced anxiously. He kept looking back up the stairs to make sure Jenny was out of earshot.

“Like that isn’t what I been doing,” You sat up to face him properly. “I’m trying to be understanding, but honestly I feel kind of neglected. We’re best friends, I think our friendship deserve a little effort put in to it, you know.”

“Jesus, (Y/N). I’ve got a gorgeous girl waiting for me on my bed right now. Can this PLEASE wait till tomorrow?” Blood was starting to rush to his face. He wasn’t asking. He was ordering. It was like a hit to the chest, but it only fueled your anger.

“Could anything be more important to you than pussy, Lip,” You hissed. Your voice was getting louder with every sentence. “Certainly not your friends because you would have kept your dick in your pants for ONE fucking night to hang out with them.”

“FUCK OFF, (Y/N),” He was fully yelling at this point. “It’s your issue for waiting so long. I can’t spend every day with you. You’re not the only person in my life. You don’t get to control how I spend my time! Fuck, you’re not my girlfriend. Stop expecting to be treated like you are.”

“I am well-fucking-aware I’m not your girlfriend. You remind me every fucking day,” you screamed. Your vision blurred as tears began running down your face. You scowled at him. There was a moment of silence as you both realized what you said. Lip grew confused, his face contorted as he was trying to understand what was happening. Everything became dizzy. You took a deep breath and stepped back. You quickly gathered your stuff, wiping the tears away from your eyes. “Moments like these make wonder why I even want to be.”

Lip was silent. He stared at the floor now. You waited for him to say something. Inside you were begging him to say something. Anything, to cut your embarrassment. He didn’t speak. So you left, wishing you had listened when he told you earlier.

“God sometimes I really fucking hate you, Gallagher.”

He showed up at your door the morning after to apologize. You both sat on your porch steps to talk. “She dumped me after you left. She, uh, heard how upset you were. Said something about ‘girls support girls’ and left.’”

You laughed a little, but didn’t say anything. You were still really embarrassed about last night. An angry confession was not how you ever imagined Lip to find out about your crush. You let him speak.

“Listen, I’m sorry for how I acted last night. How I’ve been acting. I didn’t mean to make you feel neglected,” Lip said, fiddling with the pack of cigarettes in his hand. You both were facing the house across the street, refusing to look at eachother. “And I’m sorry I blew you off. I take responsibility for that and promise I won’t do it again.”

“Thank you,” You said quietly. This wasn’t your first fight with Lip. You’d have an argument, one of you would storm out, but by morning the other would always be waiting outside eachothers’ doors to apologize. This was just another one of those mornings. The difference was now he knew that you wished you were dating. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have said that… stuff.”

“Oh what? About wanting to be my girlfriend?” Lip looked at you and smirked. He took a cig out the box and put it between his lips. You groaned and put your head in your hands. Part of you was relieved he could joke about it. A bigger part of you was mortified.

“We can like erase that from our memories. Please,” You pleaded. “I really prefer it if we never bring it up again.”

Lip nodded. He offered you the box. You took a cigarette and reached for the lighter in your back pocket before lighting it. Lip took the lighter from you and did the same.

“You know I don’t think it’s a good idea,” He said after a moment of silence. You looked at him with a pained look on your face. You felt your chest tighten. “The dating thing. I don’t like the idea.”

“Way to rip my heart out of my chest,” You scoffed a little. You turned your face away from him. You didn’t want to lie. You felt your heart break a little at your words. There you were still hoping a part of him would like the idea. You should have prepared yourself for the rejection.

“I don’t mean it like that.” He was looking at you fully now. “You’re too good for me, (Y/L/N).”

“We’re good the way we are now. I don’t want to ruin that. If we date, we’ll break up, and hate each other. It’ll never be the same. This is better. Safer,” He continued once you looked back at him. “In short… I can’t lose you.”

With that, you never talked about it again. Your feelings never dissolved, but you also never did anything about them. The conversation left you with some hope he felt the same, even if it wasn’t as much as you liked him. He kept quiet too, respecting your feelings. He never joked about it again. He kept his promise and spent more time with you, all until Karen and Mandy. You stayed clear of Karen all together, not wanting to get messed up in her shit, but Mandy was your friend. You weren’t going to abandon her because she started dating your best friend. She didn’t know about your feelings. No one did except you and Lip.

Lip was the only thing tethering you to Chicago, but he was spending less and less time with you again as senior year was coming to an end. You tried to move on, but this boy was genuinely the only person you could tolerate in your high school. The prospect of college meant the chance to forget your feelings for him. If Lip left for college, maybe you’d both move on for good. You’d be too busy with college to bother with each other. High school was a nightmare with your unrequited feelings for Philip Gallagher and you were sick of it.

“Did you get any news back?” Lip asked you. He was fully laying on your bed now. You looked at him and shook your head.

“Few rejections, but I haven’t heard from my reach school yet,” you replied, shifting your position so he could lay more comfortably.

“They’d be stupid to reject you,” he responded. He picked up the book you were reading to examine it.

“Yeah we’ll see,” you shrugged. “I hear back from my dream school any day now. SAIC let me in though.”

“At the art institute?” Lip looked back at you as he asked. “I thought you don’t want to go to school in Chicago.”

“I don’t, but thought I’d give it a shot. I enjoy the campus, and the museum is a big plus.”

“You know I’d hate to have you leave me here, (Y/L/N),” Lip said, looking back at the ceiling. Your heart skipped a beat at his words. You shrugged it off and tried to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. He can’t say that shit. Not when he’s the only one who could convince me to stay.

“If you go to Massachusetts, you’d be leaving too, Loser. We’d be even.” You sighed. “Besides, I got my eyes set on California. No way am I tolerating another winter here.”

The conversation ended at that. Lip stayed over until it was dark. Before leaving, he brought up a new topic.

“You heard about the school dance next Friday?” He asked practically halfway out the door. You nodded. “Interested in going at all?”

“Are you not taking Mandy?” You asked back. Lip shook his head in reply.

“She’s busy that night. I thought it’d be fun to go just you and me, like we used to.”

“And get high on the fields? Can’t we do that anywhere else?” You asked, grimacing.

Lip scoffed and shook his head. “It’s the last dance of high school. I thought that’d mean something to you. For old times sake.”

You smiled. You liked being asked to go. You hadn’t gone to many dances since high school started. It would be nice to have a night with the two of you without Mandy. You could pretend that nothing had changed since you were kids.

—

Of course things had to change, and they were about to. You were at your mailbox holding your Berkeley acceptance in hand. The paper seemed to glow. This was it. Your ticket out of here. You practically fell to your knees reading it. Your hands were shaking too much to read anymore than the congratulations written at the top of the page. Time slowed as you began to imagine a life outside of Chicago. Your life away from the South Side, away from your school, away from your family, away from Lip. It was hard to imagine what that would look like. Lip had been by your side through everything. You grew up together. All your core memories involved him. Moving was what you wanted but you couldn’t help but grieve your time with Lip. But leaving was necessary, you couldn’t live ignoring your feelings any longer. You had to go.

You stayed at your mail box for a while. Your eyes stayed glued to the acceptance letter until you heard a familiar voice call out to you from a few houses down.

“You okay there, (Y/N)?” Lip shouts, standing in his front yard. His sudden presence snaps you out of your thoughts. You folded the paper up and shoved it back in the envelope before walking over to the Gallagher home.

“Totally fine,” You half smiled, opening the gate to enter his yard. You tried desperately to shake off your visible grief. You just wanted to celebrate and spend time with your best friend. “Great even. I need a drink.”

Lip let out a laugh and let you inside. With no further questions, you entered the house, grabbed two beers out of the fridge and made your way up the stairs into Lip’s room. Meanwhile, Lip’s eyes never left the envelope that you held in your hand.

#lip gallagher #lip gallagher x reader #lip gallagher x y/n #shameless #jeremy allen white #shameless us #lip gallagher imagine #lip gallagher x you #lip gallagher angst #shameless x reader #phillip gallagher

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linos-luna · 1 month

Note

Hi gorgeous 💞

I hope you're doing well (I was worried af)

If it's not too much to ask but my birthday is on 14th March so can you write a yandere hyunjin x f reader smut where the reader who is already held hostage is given a gift by hyunjin (just surprise me with your writing girl)?

I would seriously appreciate it from my heart ❤️

Wanna see a manipulative, toxic and delusional hyunjin in love with me 😩

Bye 👋

Sorry it’s late! I’ve been so busy! 😭

Happy late birthday 🎊

———————————————————

Work of Art 🔪

Yandere!Hyunjin x Reader

Warnings: Yandere!, 18+, slight Stockholm Syndrome?, Slapping, Hair pulling, Emotional manipulation

—————————————— ��

It’s been two months. Two months since you lost your freedom. Hyunjin was obsessed. He wants you to keep you in his home forever. If he goes out, he handcuffed you to the bed frame. Although lately he hasn’t done that. Probably because now you don’t move. You seemed to have given up on trying.

The days blended together so you didn’t even realize that today was your birthday. You stayed in bed until noon, only waking when some light from the window hit your face. You sat up, only to see Hyunjin standing at the door. Watching.

“Good morning, my love.” He said with a soft smile. “Today is a special day!”

“What….?” You mumbled.

“How could you forget?! It’s your birthday, silly!” He chuckled while going to you and leaning in to kiss you.

You were silent, actually surprised that you forgot your own birthday.

The man stroked your hair as he waited for your kiss although you didn’t budge. This seemed to frustrate him and he pulled your hair so your lips touch his. “Y/n!” He whined.

Reluctantly, you kiss him. He bit your lip and kissed you with lots of passion.

Sure you kissed back but not with as much vigor as him. This only hurts his heart.

“Y/n! I don’t understand…” he whined. “why…? Why won’t you love me like I love you!”

“Hyunjin, you kidnapped me!”

“Because I love you!”

“This isn’t love!!” You interrupted. “This… this is hell!”

“No no no… i-I’m sorry! It shouldn’t be!” Hyunjin frowned and dropped to his knees while holding your hand. “I only wanted to show you love and cherish you. I want to spoil you!”

“Hyunjin—”

“I’m sorry, y/n…” He pouts, giving you sad eyes, “I-i never meant to hurt you…”

“Hyunjin… you—!”

“No no I'm awful!” He interrupted while starting to cry. “I-I just want someone to love… I-I’ve never had someone love and care like you do. You’re so genuine and kind…”

He continued rambling. From his rough upbringing to his desire for love. He’s all alone in this world and it had your heart breaking for him.

“I-I have a gift for you…” he said softly. “Please. I worked so hard on it.”

“O-okay…” you nodded reluctantly.

Joy lit up his face and he quickly left the room. As soon as he left, the tears were gone. It was as if he flipped off the emotion like a light switch. Instead, he smiled to himself.

Hyunjin came back in the bedroom with a canvas. You were a bit confused until he turned it around. It was you. A painted picture of you sleeping. The style made you look angelic.

It was beautiful but also unnerving. When did he paint this? Was he watching you while sleeping? Every minuet detail of your features was there. Every mole and blemish was painted in great detail.

“Wow, Hyunjin… it’s very nice.” You said slowly while studying it. You couldn’t lie, it really was an amazing painting.

“Oh, my love. I’m glad you love it!” He smiled. “I worked so hard to capture your essence! You truly are a work of art!”

You couldn’t help blushing. You’ve never had a compliment like that and it was giving you butterflies in your stomach.

“Thank you, Hyunjin… I-I really do love it…”

“Oh good!” He was excited as he leaned in close. “Please, my love. May I kiss you?”

There was a moment of silence before you nod.

———— 💞

Dinner was a bit awkward. You sat in silence as he fed you.

“Do you like it?” He said suddenly.

“I do but… Hyunjin I can feed myself.”

“No darling. Don’t worry about that.” He said while putting more meat on the fork.

“No really—…” you grab the fork from him, about to raise it to your mouth before he suddenly slapped it away.

“Hyunjin—!”

Before you could finish, there was a swift slap to your face.

“No! Only I can feed you!” Hyunjin yelled suddenly.

You held your cheek in shock, too stunned to speak.

“Oh I’m so sorry!! My love, I'm sorry!!” He suddenly switched up and got to his knees, dropping the bowl of food to the ground, but he didn’t seem to care.

“No! Don’t cry! Don’t be mad!” He begged while grabbing into each side of your hair and pulling you close. “Please forgive me! I love you!”

“A-agh! Hyunjin!” You whimpered as he tugged harder.

“My darling. My sweet girl, please!”

He pulled harder, making you drop from your seat to the floor.

“J-Jinnie! You’re hurting me!!”

“W-what?!” He paused, still holding onto your hair. “No! No im not!!”

“Jinnie stop!”

“No you stop!” He yelled. “I love you! I’m just trying to love you!!” His voice broke as tears formed and it made you stop dead in your tracks.

“Hyunjin…”

“No! You don’t love me!” He sobbed. “I-I thought I finally found my soulmate… one that will love me as much as I love her!” Hyunjin wiped some tears while looking at you. “I-I’ve never had that kind of love. My M-mother left! A-And father would beat me! I-I only wish you give the love I never received!”

Whether this story was true or not -it’s not-, you wouldn’t be able to tell. But his vulnerability and tears tugged at your heartstrings.

“Hyunjin….”

“No! Just go!” He cried. “Just leave me! Leave me all alone! I’m used to it!” He pulled some keys from his pocket and threw them in front of you.

You were frozen in place. You felt awful. Pure guilt. How could you hurt him like this?? All he wanted was love. You felt like a monster.

Without much thinking, you hugged him tight. “I-I’m sorry, Jinnie.”

Hyunjin leaned into your hug, making himself look as small and vulnerable as possible while continuing to weep.

“It’s okay… it’s okay…” you whispered while rubbing his back.

“C-can I… can I give you a bath?” He asked softly. “I-I wanted to spoil you with a little… at home spa…”

You pulled away and looked at him. Here he was crying and expressing his deepest emotions and traumas, and yet he was still thinking of you. He was still wanting to spoil and shower you with love.

You only nodded and Hyunjin smiles before kissing your forehead and leaving to the restroom, getting some of the soaps and candles ready.

It made you feel guilty. Perhaps you have this all wrong. He really does have a good heart. Perhaps you’ve never experienced real love. Maybe… this is what true love is.

Hyunjin had no more tears. This face had cleared up so fast as soon as he entered the restroom. In fact he had a smile. A satisfied one, like a spoiled child that got his way. It was just too easy.

Hyunjin walked to the bedroom, grabbing a robe for you, stopping by the painting. He took a deep breath while running his fingers along your painted nude body.

He turned back to the restroom, mustering up some tears red cheeks before calling out to you.

"Come on, my love! The bath is ready!'

#kpop #kpop x reader #fanfic #kpop imagines #kpop smut #stray kids #skz x reader #stray kids smut #stray kids x poc reader #stray kids yandere #yandere stray kids #yandere hyunjin x reader #yandere hyunjin #skz hyunjin #hyunjin x poc reader #skz yandere #kpop yandere

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randomfandomblabdom · 10 months

Text

Fallen Order & Survivor Musical Themes

Has anyone done this yet? Here is a comprehensive list of all of the character themes/motifs found in the Jedi: Fallen Order and Survivor video games for anyone interested. I tried to give several examples of each and also included some of my own thoughts. You can listen to many or as few links as you want. If I missed anything please feel free to add on or let me know.

FALLEN ORDER CAL KESTIS - I'm giving Cal two separate sections because I'm pretty positive he now has two separate themes and in attempts to make it less confusing, I've decided to very creatively refer to them as Fallen Order Cal and Survivor Cal. I'm a genius, I know. Fallen Order Cal is consistently heard all over both games. It's his primary theme. It feels young and heroic and wide-eyed... Remember feeling like nothing could touch you when you were young? That's the sort of feeling I get from Fallen Order Cal. It's not happy per se but it's hope and optimism sprinkled with naive youthfulness and an undertone of solemnity. He's been through some serious shit but he's a kid, he's young. The grief and trauma are there for sure but they haven't encompassed him completely. There's still some hope behind those eyes, there's a healing journey to go on, and there's a chance to take on this Empire. It's only until Survivor that the theme starts feeling a little more grounded just like the transition from childhood to adulthood. Fallen Order Cal in Survivor feels a bit less magical, that youthful spirit has diminished, that hope has dwindled.

CAL KESTIS

THE PATH OF THE THREE SAGES

PEACEKEEPERS

A FRONTIER WELCOME

ABOVE THE CLOUDS

A STEP TOO FAR

SURVIVOR CAL KESTIS - So, I originally thought this was a minor key variation of a section of Cal's theme but I've since realized that it technically is a completely separate theme. That being said, thanks to @foxykatie425 in this insanely detailed reply to my frustrations regarding this theme that put what I was hearing into musical terms way out of my element in terms of explaining, I've realized that I may have been somewhat correct. I don't know if the two themes are actually connected, that would be a question for the composers but at the very least, it's definitely a secondary darker theme for Cal as it only ever plays in reference to him and I'd wager a guess that it's the main theme of Survivor as a whole. Compared to Fallen Order Cal, Survivor Cal feels drained, heavy, tired, burdened, and above all else, dark and foreboding. There is a genuine weight to this theme that just feels sinister. There is a hint of Fallen Order Cal there but as that post says, it almost feels like it's on the verge of falling apart. He's not the same man he was five years ago and the fact that this theme is the first thing you hear music-wise in the game and accompanies your very first view of him is an incredible way of subconsciously telling that to your audience right off the bat.

DARK TIMES

ABOVE THE CLOUDS - note: this theme and Fallen Order Cal switch back and forth constantly in this track and I find that so interesting.

NOVA GARON

NIGHTSISTER MERRIN - Merrin's theme is interesting to me because it doesn't sound anything like the type of music you might use to accompany a witch or magic user. It's not necessarily fantastical or whimsical or anything of the sort. In fact, it sounds more like something you might use for a superhero. It's a little bit timid or unsure or even afraid in Fallen Order but god damn has it built in confidence and strength once Survivor rolls around. The only time you hear that sort of timidness to it again is during the first kiss on Jedha which has such interesting implications for her being a nervous wreck in that moment. I also adore how it sounds as an action cue which you hear several times throughout Survivor. It sounds like it comes straight from the best MCU movies and yes, I do mean that as a compliment.

TO DATHOMIR

PEACEKEEPERS

MERRIN

THE WILL OF THE FORCE

TRIDENT

FLIGHT

CAL & MERRIN'S LOVE THEME - Look, I genuinely did not think they would actually go through with making Cal and Merrin canon, I honestly thought they'd chicken-shit out and I was certainly not expecting them to get any sort of love theme if they did but here we are... and we somehow got both. Cal and Merrin are canon and they got a love theme. Holy fucking shit. It just has all that warmth and sweetness of a friend-to-lovers romance too.

FIELDS OF DUSK - ORCHESTRAL VERSION

CAMPFIRE

A STEP TOO FAR

THE ABYSS

BD-1 - I said in my post regarding my thoughts on the Survivor score that these two video game scores are quite possibly the closest we've ever gotten to a John Williams sound from a composer(s) who is in fact, not John Williams. Not that every piece of Star Wars music has to sound like the big man himself, part of the reason The Mandalorian theme was so positively received was that it was such a different sound for Star Wars but I stand by what I said: this is the closest a composer has gotten to a John Williams sound and they have clearly done their research. Some people might not know this but R2 and 3PO have a very small motif heard throughout the films. It's not played very often and is sometimes not very noticeable but it's there and BD-1's motif is not only similar but definitely sounds like it exists within the same universe. I also love that droids are so often musically presented as very childlike, innocent, and mischievous. BD in particular has a very playful energy.

BD-1 AND THE BOGLINGS

MERRIN

THE WILL OF THE FORCE

TRILLA SUNDURI/SECOND SISTER - Trilla's theme legitimately activates my fight or flight response and when I say that, I mean mostly my flight response cause you won't find me messing with this shit. It's very much in lieu of the famous Psycho violins which were written to heighten your senses by emulating screams. I wish we got more of it cause it's intimidating as fuck and a piece of dark side art.

FIGHT AND FLIGHT

TRILLA

THE WILL OF THE FORCE

CERE JUNDA - Don't hate me but I haven't quite fallen in love with Cere's theme yet. That's not to say it's bad by any means, it's absolutely beautiful. It has such a deep melancholy vibe to it, like an inescapable sadness. It almost has a feeling of failure to me weirdly enough.

THE PATH OF THE THREE SAGES

DESERT RUINS

SIEGE

THE VISITOR

ENO CORDOVA - I've mentioned this before but again, for people who might not know: the music that is widely considered to be the main theme of Fallen Order - so much so it was primarily used during the recap at the beginning of Survivor - is Cordova's theme. It's such an interesting artistic choice because I think many people would've made it either Cal's theme or given the entire game its own theme in general. I listen to this one a lot honestly. It's so calming and safe feeling.

THE PATH OF THE THREE SAGES

FAILURE IS NOT THE END

ENO CORDOVA'S THEME

THE NARKIS ANCHORITES

BODE AKUNA - Yes, Bode does have a theme and you know what? It slaps. I really like it. It's very adventurous and feels quite friendly which is ironic as hell. It does get some heart-wrenching renditions nearer to the end of the game. It's the music that swells when he force-pushes Cal and everyone collectively shits themselves. Oh, it also has some dark renditions as well.

ABOVE THE CLOUDS

A STEP TOO FAR

BROTHERS

THROUGH DARKNESS

RAYVIS - As far as I can tell, Rayvis does not have a set theme but he is usually accompanied by high-playing strings and his boss fight music is the best example of that. I actually don't think a lot of Rayvis moments ended up on the score soundtrack which... how dare they.

WARRIORS CODE

DAGAN GERA - I thought Dagan didn't have a theme for the longest time but it turns out he actually does have a tiny motif that I do wish had been more thoroughly realized in the score because it's so menacing and I absolutely love it. It's most prominently heard during his last confrontation with Cal. He is also usually accompanied by low-playing horns. Not always but usually.

RELEASE ME

TO THE RESCUE

GRAND OCULUS

KATA AKUNA - I'm going to rant about this one for a second, okay? I have spent the last few weeks wondering what the hell the melody that plays throughout the track Through Darkness is. I was sitting here plucking out melodies on a piano app (cause I don't own a keyboard) and was like, "Okay, it's not Cal's theme, it's not Bode's theme, it's not Merrin's theme... what the hell is that series of notes??" Yes, I'm aware that not every note has to mean something but these just felt like they did. It's played at such an emotional point in the game and for two scores that already work heavily around themes and motifs and musical ideas, it didn't make sense to me that this little series of notes would mean nothing, especially at such a poignant moment. Funnily enough, it only just occurred to me while making this post that it's fucking Kata's theme. At least I think it is. Well, motif. It's not a fully developed theme but it definitely has the makings of one. That's not even me making a wild guess either, these notes appear in other places in the story that feature Kata.

NOVA GARON

THE ABYSS

THROUGH DARKNESS

GHOST STAR - I'm adding this for fun because I think it's gorgeous and I love it but it leads me to ask: why has there been no official release of Ghost Star? With or without vocals? This is a genuine question. It does not appear on the Cantina album nor is there even a snippet of its melody on the score album. It makes me wonder if the song was maybe added later into production? Trust me, I love the orchestral cover that has been going around and people are obviously seeking it out cause the track has gained thousands of streams in the months since the game was released. It was at 10k the last time I looked on Spotify and it's currently at 24k as of writing this. I'm just genuinely surprised EA/Respawn or hell, even Lucasfilm hasn't capitalized off that.

GHOST STAR

GHOST STAR W/ VOCALS

Thank you most sincerely if you made it all the way here :)

I liked this. I should do this for more scores lol.

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gorgeouslypink · 10 months

Note

Can you share the advice you gave to the SATS testers? I already watched Rita's videos on it and tried it for over a week, but wasn't able to wakeup in the void...

Also, one of the issues I have is affirming into unconscious. I waited until I was really sleepy, but I still wasn't able to do it

Hi love!

For all my testers, I started by asking them to tell me about their void journey (how long they've been trying, what methods they've tried, frustrations/vents). I did this for 2 reasons. First and foremost, I think that when you're trying to make a change (changing from someone who hasn't entered the void to someone who is), you need to get the old story out of your system. For anyone reading this, you are always free to vent in my inbox, just write somewhere in it that you are just venting and you don't want your vent posted. Secondly, I was checking for compatibility. Some people were compatible with SATS and some weren't and if they weren't, I would switch them to a different method that was more compatible with them.

Once we got the old story out and confirmed compatibility, I recommended reading this post, which I'm guessing you probably already did. I honestly think Rita's video touches upon everything that I myself would want to touch but she also did release this video recently if you want to watch it and see if any of the questions match yours.

For people who didn't really believe in loa, we had a discussion about it. Personally, I wasn't hard on loa during my void journey and I entered the void and I always say that I'm not a manifestation blog but a void blog because I genuinely believe that you can enter the void without manifestation/loa. However, if you've been struggling to enter the void for a while or you want to speed up your journey, the answer is loa. I always get all these asks telling me how they need to enter tonight and asking me for a way to get in, kind of expecting me to reveal this secret method that I've been hiding but the only"secret method" afaik is just LOA which so many people have been talking about already. It's also just a bit confusing to me when people want to enter the void but completely reject loa/manifestation. Like the the basis of manifestation is what the void state works upon yk? I never forced anyone to read Neville and start using other manifestation techniques but I just wanted them to all just accept that the law is real and to use what they understand about the law to their advantage in a way that is easy to them, which in this case was just SATS.

After that it was up to the testers to be consistent and figure out what works for them. In your case, maybe doing a SATS meditation would be more beneficial? I believe someone had succeeded with this.

Hope this helps love 💗

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0nlythrowharrybeaux · 2 years

Note

Angst 3, 10, 19, 22, 28 & 34 Famous H starts getting distant, cold and mean and everyone around them notices... while y/n is being attacked by the media and fans and he doesn't give af, she feels like everything is her fault and that kind of life ain't for her. Ps: Please make me cryyy, I need it, tysm

Hello friend! I'm not taking requests ATM so I'm not sure which prompt list you were looking at! But I hope it's this one I've just found through my old blurbs! But I truly hope you are feeling better soon! Sending you all the love and comfort <3 I hope this one shot hits the spot!

WC: 3.5k

Y/N just knew that there was more going with Harry than just stress from being busy, as he would tell her lately. Yes, he had a rather eventful year with tour and films and promos, but he was being absolutely frigid with her. Y/N had been with pretty awful partners in her past and they had wrecked her self-esteem and sense of worth. Harry had been someone who had started to make her feel worthy and strong and worth the effort and it was easy to fall in love with him and trust him, so seeing the way he was acting towards her now made her self-doubt and loathing far worse than before. The most painful part of it all was that even if the problem was on his end of things, which she knew it was, she felt completely culpable for it all.

It made sense though. She was always the common denominator when it came the issues. She could never seem to get it right and after seeing things slowly start to go to shit with Harry no one couldn’t convince Y/N that the one who was at fault was her. She was damaged goods, she was broken, she was unworthy of someone so full of light. Maybe she deserved the way he was icing her out and the way that everyone seemed to be turning away from her. She felt her stomach twisting with hurt and a lump forming in her throat as she looked through the comment section on her Instagram.

Harry looks so miserable with Y/N! I hope he dumps her.

H looks so happy and free when she isn’t at his shows! Like he’s having way more fun and interacting with the fans.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again… Y/N is Harry’s ugliest girlfriend LOL Sorry not sorry!

You’re such a try-hard! You literally copy everything H does for attention. Get a fucking life.

Obviously Y/N & Harry are a PR stunt! He would never get with someone that ugly LMAO

She looks like a stuck up bitch. So much for TPWK

Nobody likes you Y/N! Maybe you should just kill yourself…

Her eyes were welling up as she read the cruel words. People could be so horrible for no apparent reason. She hadn’t been OK for a while now, her mental health was suffering as people just tore her apart. The fans and the media. She wasn’t sure at what point she became the focus of people’s attention in that capacity but she wanted it all to stop. It had gotten to the point where even Jeff had pulled her aside to see if she was OK and she had mustered up the coolest smile she could and confirmed that she was fine. He didn’t seem to buy it, but he also didn’t seem to push it either and after that he didn’t ask again. She heard some foot steps approaching the hotel room and she wiped at her eyes quickly and locked her phone before switching on the TV. Soon enough the door was opening and in stepped Harry, all sweaty from his work out as he removed his ear phones.

“How was it?” She asked genuinely.

“Fine. Kinda dingy, lots of the equipment was missing.” He mumbled as he turned away from her to strip off his shirt while toeing off his sneakers.

“Oh, bummer.”

“Yeah.” He responded, “Are you gonna come to the stadium with me today?” He asked and she bit her lip for a second. The words from the comments lighting up in her head and she felt unsure.

“Do you want me to come?” She asked another question in response to his question and he sighed audibly.

“That’s not…” he paused, “Just do what you want.” He said, clearly frustrated at her response and she felt a lump in her throat.

“Sorry for upsetting you. I just don’t want to get in the way or be handful or something.” She elaborated and he turned towards her and sighed.

“Then why did you come?” He asked her and that question was like a kick to her stomach. The hurt radiated from the depths of her chest to her fingertips.

“I-”

“You’re the one who asked if you were able to come on tour with me and for what? You don’t even come to the shows! You just sit here all day watching TV on your own!” He defended his statement and she frowned, “It costs money, you know?” He said and that made her heart lurch even more, “Every date you’re here for we pay for extra food for you and I get a bigger room and shit. You don’t have to come to tours if you’re just gonna make it a miserable time for yourself and everyone else.” He said and she felt a tear slip down her cheek as he said that and she glanced down at her hands folder in her lap. That’s all she was… wasted money? Wow. It’s not that she didn’t want to be there, she definitely wanted to but the horrible things people would post about her were breaking her down from the inside out and as much as she wanted to be there to support him physically she felt it was unfair to her, she had done absolutely nothing to deserve the treatment she received. Harry saw as a few more tears slipped down her cheeks silently and sighed before approaching her.

“Hey.” He said softly as he grabbed her hand, “Look at me.” He beckoned and she glanced up at him, “Sorry, that came out wrong.” He said and she sniffled and shook her head.

“S’fine.” She offered a half smile and that seemed to appease him enough. However, it wasn’t fine, not in the slightest.

“I do want you to come tonight, by the way.” He said to her.

“OK, I’ll start getting ready.” She promised and he smiled before hurrying off to the shower.

Everyone in the band seemed to be happy she had come along and greeted her with so much warmth and kindness. Harry had just disappeared from her, as she expected. And honestly, she was doing what she would’ve done at the hotel while they sound checked - just sat there for several hours watching TV in a general area wearing a big, fat frown. Harry was in his dressing room getting fitted, he didn’t bother inviting her over or anything. She was there for a while and then got this strange feeling that someone was watching her and when she turned around she saw one of the venue’s staff member’s sneaking a video of her and then turned quickly to pretend to be busy stocking up a fridge. She really wanted to let it go, but she could already see the headlines of how she was unsupportive and didn’t want to be there anyway. She bit her lip nervously before standing.

“Ummm, excuse me?” She said to the young woman who then turned, looking at her with this feigned innocent expression.

“Yes?”

“I don’t… mean to be…” she fumbled on her words, “I ummm, I saw you taking a video of me and I would really appreciate it if you could delete it. Backstage is supposed to be camera free apart from the tour photographer and videographer. You crossed a line and on top of that, I didn’t consent to be filmed by you.” She said nervously and the girl looked offended with her.

“I wasn’t filming you.” She said with a straight face and Y/N nibbled on her lip nervously.

“OK, sorry.” She nodded and shrugged, “Maybe I just saw wrong. But it looked like you were filming and if it were someone else who saw this you could get in a lot of trouble. So just be a little more mindful so that you don’t get in any kind of problems.” She warned with a polite smile. The girl was obviously lying and she didn’t plan on telling Jeff or anything, maybe Harry after the show, but she didn’t want to get the girl’s phone confiscated or anything.

“Sure.” She said curtly before offering a fake smile and walking off. Y/N sighed and headed back to the couch.

She sat there for a couple hours until it was time for dinner and everyone was heading back to eat. She chatted with the girls and Mitch while Harry floated around. When it came time for Sarah to eat she grabbed the baby and played with him to allow her and Mitch the chance to settle down for a bit. She seemed very engrossed in that and trying to avoid Harry, it gave Sarah an odd feeling and she sat beside Y/N.

“It’s really nice to have you back.” Sarah said with a smile.

“Thanks, it’s nice to be here.” Y/N said and Sarah saw that her smile hardly even reached her eyes.

“Have you been doing OK?” She asked and Y/N nodded.

“Yeah, traveling really gets to me though.” She explained. It was odd for Sarah that Y/N was being so vague with her. They had a pretty good relationship, she just seemed so unlike herself and it was worrisome.

“You can tell me to bugger off if I’m being too nosy, but how are you and H doing?” She asked and Y/N focused her attention on the baby.

“S’alright… I mean he’s busy and tired from the touring and the traveling, and well you know how he sleeps for ages…” she said with a smile and Sarah giggled and nodded.

“It just… seems like you lot aren’t really seeing eye to eye.” She elaborated.

“Oh, definitely not today.” She huffed, “We had a bit of a tiff before heading out.” She explained and then proceeded to share with Sarah what had happened.

“Proper prick, he was.” Sarah scoffed and Y/N sighed, “I mean, yeah, but I have been a bit of a downer and just… yeah.” She accepted.

“Ummm, no. If anything that warrants him treating you far nicer than that.” Sarah expressed and she sighed, trying not to cry as Sarah validated everything she had felt deep inside, “Honestly, how’ve you been doing? I know that this can’t always be easy.” She expressed and Y/N sighed shakily.

“Honestly… it’s been rough.” She confessed, “I don’t know why, but all of a sudden the fans and the media just turned on me from one day to the next. They’re just being so cruel and making up rumors and telling me to die and I know that I should ignore it, but it just gets so loud sometimes.” She whispered painfully, tearing her attention from the baby to Sarah who was looking at her with soft eyes.

“Yeah, I can imagine.”

“People can be really cruel and it’s just been getting to me, I need to grow some thick skin or something…but lately I just… I can’t stop crying.” She disclosed sadly, “I don’t want to come around to the shows and bring gloom and doom, you know.” She sniffled.

“Oh, Y/N.” Sarah cooed and Y/N cleared her throat and blinked away the tears threatening to spill from her eyes, “Have you shared that with H?”

“Nah… we had that conversation at the start of things. He seems to get a bit frustrated when I willingly wade into it all so if you don’t mind, let's just keep that between us.” She said softly and Sarah nodded, but it made her feel uneasy to hear that. “Earlier today, when you guys were sound checking one of the venue staff was recording me back here… I asked her to delete it and she swore she wasn’t recording me, but I mean…”

“Yeah, we’re kind of trained to know these things.” Sarah said.

“Right. And I didn’t want to get her un trouble, so I apologized in case I had imagined it, but let her know to be cautious of bringing out her phone backstage because she could get I trouble. And now, I don’t doubt there’ll be some rumors about me being rude to fans or something in a few days…” she huffed in irritation.

“God…you should really tell Harry.”

“I don’t want to make waves and to get her in trouble. It’ll make things worse.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Sarah said, “But if you ever feel unsafe or threatened like that again please say something. It’s not allowed for a reason. OK?” Y/N nodded.

As always, Harry had done a marvelous job at his show and Y/N couldn’t have been more proud of him. Despite how hurt she felt by him from earlier in the day she couldn’t help but smile and kiss his sweaty forehead as he scooched into the car waiting to zip them away from the venue right after he ran offstage.

“You did so good, baby!”

“Don’t regret coming out, do you?” He chuckled and she shook her head and he grinned. They were pretty silent on the ride back after that little exchange and she pulled out her phone to kill a little time.

But the first thing that greeted her were shared posts from some of her friends. She felt her stomach drop, she knew what this would be about. She looked at the screen shots of the story recounting how rude she had been to the staff member back stage. There was a picture of her looking miserable on her own on the couch with a caption of how everyone was hanging out in another room and no one wanted to interact with her. Then there was a bit about her threatening to get the girl fired for allegedly filming her and other completely made up things that made Y/N want to scream. She felt her eyes start to well up as the vehicle came to a stop in front of the hotel, there were already fans lined up at the entrance and Y/N took a deep breath, she didn’t want to cry in front of them. Harry slipped out first, resulting in a cheer erupting from the fans and screams of his name. He extended his hand to help her out and she grabbed it to plant her feet on the ground and he let go and hurried off, thinking she was right on his heels, but he was a few steps ahead of her. However, as soon as she was within the fans’ line of sight she heard a few boos. That started to encourage some heckles of names and other insults. And then she felt something hard hit her arm and she looked down to see a cracker of sorts and she frowned.

“Ignore them.” He said to her, barely audible over the commotion.

“You’re a bitch!” Someone shouted and she felt her eyes start to well up.

“Harry deserves better!” Someone else heckled and she started to hurry towards him. She felt a few more things bouncing off of her and then suddenly she gasped as a far heavier object was making impact with the side of her head and the she just felt soaked. She glanced down to see a Starbucks drink all over her top and she felt it also dripping down the side of her face.

“Harry!” She shrieked and he turned back and gasped from the shock. She immediately started to cry upon the absolute humiliation of this. She expected him to at least say something, but he didn’t address it at all.

“Fuck, come on.” He mumbled to her and reached for her hand and pulled her inside swiftly. She only cried as they rode up to their hotel room and he squeezed her hand in reassurance. She felt worthless and stupid and she was completely speechless that he didn’t say anything to the fans out there about their abusive behavior. She was so disappointed in him and it seemed to complete break her as they stood there in silence. She moved her hand out of his as soon as the elevator opened and she rushed down the hall to their room.

“Y/N!” She didn’t respond as she keyed her way into the room, not bothering to hold the door open for him, causing him to rush in before it closed on him, “Hey, baby.” He said as she grabbed her toiletry bag from her suitcase and she didn’t respond, “Y/N!” He practically shouted at her only to be met with silence as hot tears continued to stream down her cheeks and then she hurried into the bathroom and slammed the door loudly. Harry hurried over to the door, about to knock on it when he heard the shower come on and then he heard the shower door shut after a few moments and then he just heard her start to sob. It made his insides twist up horribly as he heard her cries.

He knew she’d been having a rough time, but so had he. He didn’t feel like he needed to defend his relationship or justify it to people who really had no idea what he was truly like. He felt that if he talked about what had been happening he would just be fueling the fire and that was the last thing he wanted to do. And so he waited, but once her shower hit the 30 minute mark he was dozing off. Harry woke up to Y/N pulling on a crewneck over her wet hair. He squinted in the light of the room and groaned groggily before stretching a bit.

“Baby.” He mumbled and when she didn’t answer he sat up and he felt his insides sink uncomfortably when he saw that she was fully dressed and packed up, “Baby, where are you going?” He shot up and she sniffled and shook her head.

“I can’t do this anymore, Harry.” She whispered painfully.

“Tour?” He asked and she whimpered through her tears and shook her head.

“Us. I can’t do it anymore.”

“Baby, don’t say that! It’s just some stupid fans!”

“It’s not though! They all fucking hate me and it seems like you do too! You didn’t even defend me after they fucking hurt me!” She accused, “You just sit there and let it happen! I can’t believe you did this to me!” She cried and he pouted.

“What do you want me to say? What could I have even done to fix that after it had been done already?!” He questioned defensively.

“Your lack of involvement led up to this moment, Harry. You’ve been icing me out for months and I don’t buy the stressed and tired excuse anymore! We’re all stressed and we’re all tired! Especially me! For months now I have been cyber-bullied and threatened and harassed and told to kill myself! I am falling apart and you don’t even seem to give a shit and it fucking hurts! It hurts when the person you love couldn’t even be arsed with defending you!”

“It just makes it worse if I say something, Y/N!”

“Maybe, but it reassures me that you care about me and my feelings! You know what I’ve been through and you know that I like to feel reassured! This, whatever the fuck we are, I never wanted this.” She hiccuped through her tears, “It’s over.” She wept and Harry frowned.

“Y/N-”

“I can’t anymore, H. I can’t.” She gasped through her tears, “I hate how I feel when I’m with you. I hate it so much!” She admitted and that just about tore him apart. He felt absolutely gutted as the words replayed over and over in his mind.

“You’re ending this over some stupid fans?” He asked incredulously and completely overcome with hurt.

“Yes, so please get out of my way, I want to go.” She persisted and his face morphed from one of disappointment and disbelief to one of anger.

“You’re fucking someone else, aren’t you?” He questioned.

“No, what the fuck?”

“Oh please, why else would you just dump me this way? You’re incredible, didn’t take you long to move on from me, huh?” He asked and she scoffed.

“Harry, no! This isn’t about any other man! It’s about you and the fans and their attitude towards me.”

“Sure fucking thing, Y/N… sure fucking thing.” He countered and she shook her head through her tears.

“You are absolutely unbelievable and I can’t believe I ever fell for you.” She cried as she pushed past him to the hotel room door. He rushed after her as she wheeled her suitcase down the corridor and to the elevator and pressing the down arrow.

“Y/N, you can’t seriously be ending our relationship over this fucking prank! Please.” He begged, grabbing her hand and she frowned.

“Please let me go, Harry.” She whispered shakily.

“Baby, no.” he whimpered and she sighed.

“Let me the fuck out of your hold or I will scream.” She warned and he sniffled as he reluctantly let her go.

“You’re coming back, right?”

“No, save yourself some fucking money without me here anyway.” She threw back what he had said to her earlier.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I wasn’t-”

“Stay the fuck away from me, Harry. I mean it.” She warned as the doors slid open.

“Y/N, baby, please-” he whimpered and she sighed sadly.

“Goodbye, Harry.”

Read Part 2 here!

#0nlythrowharrybeaux #harry styles angst #harry styles #writing #harry styles fan fic #angst

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inkdemonapologist · 8 months

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I'm more curious about the personality of your Sammy!

I'm not too deep into the hole Call of Cthulhu thing and i'm still digging around. Besides personality I am curious about Sammy and the lost ones. What his relationship is like with them and such (if they are around. Or in general for Batim/Dark Revival what you think of it)

As far as personality goes, overall, I read Sammy as a counterphobic type 6, and this applies to basically all of my Sammy interpretations, haha. If you’re not an enneagram nerd, this is the “skeptic” type – I see Sammy as an anxious person deep down who wants (but finds it hard to believe in) something or someone he can trust to be stable. Understanding that little conflict is hugely important for making sense of his actions; Sammy subconsciously wants something to trust in so badly that he aggressively mistrusts to protect himself from that one huge vulnerability, one I don’t think he fully knows that he has. I've seen him described as a follower at heart, and that rings true to me; he comes across as cynical and unimpressed as a human, but when he switches to his blindly devout worship of the Ink Demon, it’s not as much of a personality change as you might think.

TIOL is actually a really good example of this. When Joey introduces himself as the head of JDS and tells Sammy and Jack he’d like to hire them, Sammy’s first serious question is the weirdly revealing “how do I know it’s real.” He doesn’t first ask what the job would entail or what kind of work the man’s theoretically looking for; his very first response is to bluntly assume this man they just met might be scamming them. But then as soon as Sammy sees the place, which is little more than a room with a piano in it, he believes Joey’s claim that they’re planning to expand without question, as if he was TRYING to be skeptical but isn't actually that good at it. Joey is mystified by him for most of the tour, but it’s actually apparent in Sammy’s wording that he’s interested and getting invested – which shouldn’t be a surprise. Sammy’s immediate mistrust and assumption that the offer was too good to be true was just as telling as Jack’s sparkle-eyed excitement: he already wanted the job.

Anyway, I see Sammy as someone who’s serious and cynical to protect a vulnerable heart that wants someone he can safely rely on and doesn’t think he’ll get it. He values stability and survival over happiness (better the devil you know than the devil you don’t) and doesn’t like taking big risks, but he’s also not careful; he’s not good at thinking things through or identifying his own feelings, and often acts impulsively towards whatever makes the most immediate sense to him. A lot of his rudeness isn’t intended to be mean – he just doesn’t see the point of social niceties and isn’t interested in worrying about them – but he is ALSO not always thoughtful, projects his stress and frustration onto others, and is not good at looking at things from someone else’s perspective. Sammy can be volatile, and between the ink and the overstimulation he's obviously experiencing on the job, some of that genuinely isn't his fault... but some of it is his own choice to lash out at everyone around him before ever looking within or trying to improve things.

The Lost Ones aren’t a thing in the Cthulhu AU. In Escape AU, none of them survived the escape, and Sammy’s relationship with them was something that kind of haunts him now – they were his flock, and he cared for them, but he knows he wasn’t a good leader. I’ve talked about this before, but I tend to interpret Sammy as someone who exploited his followers’ desperation and loyalty for his own protection; even if he did look after them and was the closest thing to hope and care they had. That’s a big reason why Escape Sam was convinced he should stay separated from Jack for a long time – it’s not just Sammy refusing to believe he deserves love (though it’s that too), it’s also Sammy recognising that he was a cult leader who destroyed Jack and then took advantage of his confusion and loyalty.

I don’t know if this answers your question but uh, THERES SOME OF MY THOUGHTS

#i love sammy dearly but also i think he creates a lot of his own problems #sammy lawrence #i know you have questions you always do #i feel like there's probably a simpler way to answer 'what is his personality like' than dissecting his subconscious insecurities but #unfortunately this is what im like lmao

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aihoshiino · 7 months

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What are your thoughts on how onk is handling ruby recently

So I've been rattling my brains about this since long before this ask – since the chapter 123 leaks dropped, if I'm honest and I think I'm at a place where my feelings are "I understand why these choices are being made, I just don't like that these are the choices they went with".

(I kind of talked about this elsewhere last week, by coincidence, so sorry to anyone about to see me repeat myself LOL)

As someone who really, REALLY loves Ruby, it feels like there's been a consistent failure to properly center her and give her focus and interesting things to do since around the start of Tokyo Blade. Black hoshigan Ruby (as I've mentioned in a previous post) was a really interesting and exciting opportunity to dig into Ruby's trauma and darker feelings that OnK is comparatively quieter on. But with the benefit of hindsight now that the arc is over, it's clear that the whole thing was just a plot cul-de-sac - if I were feeling particularly uncharitable, I would go as far as to call it filler to waste time until Aqua was back in revenge mode. She might not ping back to white stars until 123 but black hoshigan Ruby essentially ceases to be relevant once Aqua is back in the picture until she can be used to serve his arc again.

And the frustrating thing is - I was so, SO fucking excited to see how Ruby was being handled in the start of the movie arc! It felt like we were building up to a really fantastic examination of Ruby's relationship with all three of her mothers, and the way toxic motherhood in general trickles down and poisons someone for long after they're out of the environment of abuse. The incredibly strong and vivid depictions of Ruby literally triggering and retraumatizing herself by engaging with material that depicted Ai's own abuse and the way it dragged back memories of her own abuse and abandonment were so powerful and so scary - her pain absolutely overflowed out of every single page and the care and tenderness with which it was depicted made me feel so deeply for Ruby. This poor, poor girl who has been in so much pain for so long and has done her best to be happy and strong but is at last reaching her human breaking point - it was so fucking good!

The arc we were promised for Ruby at the outset of the movie arc was, no joke, exactly the sort of thing I had been hoping and praying for Akasaka to do for her ever since I got back into the series in April. I really, genuinely thought this was finally going to be Ruby's time to shine and achieve some meaningful healing and catharsis.

And then the arc completely switches tracks to be about Aqua instead and all we've gotten from Ruby since is incest bait and her simping over her brother.

To be clear, I am 100% aware I am being disingenuous here and that there is way more going on than my eyerolling dismissal of it, but I'm trying to get across how it feels for me as a Ruby enjoyer VS how my Themes And Characterization And Narrative brain logically understands what is going on.

It absolutely completely makes sense for Ruby to be behaving this way right now. Gorou was the first and only person in her short life as Sarina to make her feel safe and valued and cared for and having the miracle of their reunion granted to her after she was sure she'd lost him forever and just as she was at emotional and mental rock bottom? That shit was GUARANTEED to turn her brain into soup and Ruby developing confusedly romantic and unhealthy feelings for Aqua vis-a-vis projecting Gorou onto him when she is so desperately in need of comfort and support is maybe not pretty or flattering, but it feels honestly, authentically weird and messy and uncomfortable. Oshi no Ko's willingness to portray character relationships with enough of that honesty to just let them be weird and fucked up and icky and unhealthy sometimes is something I really, really appreciate about it.

My issue is not that this plot point has happened to begin with - my issue is with how it's been framed. This is partially exacerbated by the manga's schedule getting FUBAR'd just after this reveal dropped and thus forcing us to stew in what I imagine is still the relatively early stages of this new status quo for maybe longer than intended, but we have gotten little to no serious examination of how Ruby actually feels about any of this. Almost every interaction the twins have had since this reveal dropped has been incest bait jokes. The fact that Ruby was in the middle of a massively overdue bit of character development that was finally all about her and her feelings only for that to get thrown to one side in favour of her being all uwu oniichansensei and being treated like a comic relief character is just so, so deeply insulting and betrays such a huge lack of respect for Ruby and her feelings.

The relative shallowness and childishness of them is, I think, intentional and accepting this uncritically as yummy ship bait is clown behaviour - we are playing around in this space specifically to soften us up for when the twins finally have an open and honest confrontation about this, but all that means is that for the time being, I am being asked to laugh at and vicariously enjoy Ruby's unhealthy, fucked up feelings born from her deep trauma and to be perfectly frank that just leaves me feeling fucking insulted.

As a survivor of the little sister incest anime boom and a fan of Revolutionary Girl Utena, I simply have no patience for a series that purports to take itself and its characters seriously then turns around and plays sibling incest for nudgewink laughs and ship bait, especially when it has derailed and, in the short term, superseded and ruined what was shaping to be an exciting and deeply emotional character arc for a character desperately in need of focus.

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #ruby hoshino #hoshino ruby #this is a pro ruby post so i don't think it counts as haterade-y enough to exclude from the tags #onk spoilers #oshi no ko spoilers

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serioussali · 1 year

Text

Mayuri Kurotsuchi x Reader (Practice post)

As Mayuri's dismissive body language and irritated tone filled the room, you couldn't help but feel your anger rise. "Care to explain why you're standing here with that idiotic expression? I don't have time for your antics nor your hormonal disputes," he spoke with a sneer.

You tried to hold back your tears as you explained the effort you had put into gathering materials for Mayuri's research, hoping to impress him. However, he ridiculed your efforts and dismissed your gift as useless.

"I am reasonably upset, Mayuri! Why did you embarrass me like that? I got something for you and thought it would make you ecstatic! I spent years gathering the material!" you pleaded, trying to make him understand your intentions.

Mayuri's scowl deepened as he moved closer to you, making you feel small and vulnerable. "And? I was giving you my honest thoughts, even though your attempts at gifting me such a useless specimen was insulting. I still can't believe it's taking you so much willpower to understand this," he retorted. Feeling defeated, you turned away from him and stormed out of the lab, keeping your promise to avoid him. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you thought bitterly about Mayuri's cruel words.

You found yourself alone in the forest with nothing but a bottle of sake and your own lonely thoughts. The silence was deafening as you drank the alcohol in large swallows, staring up at the glittering stars above. The tears came and went in waves, leaving you feeling drained and hollow inside. You muttered to yourself, berating your own weakness.

"I'm stupid," you whispered to the empty air. "So inferior with my stupid emotions."

It had been weeks since your argument with Mayuri, and he hadn't even bothered to seek you out once. It stung, but you realized that he was right about you being insignificant, just like he had said countless times before. It was hard to comprehend just how much you had put up with for his sake. You had always been patient with him and held him in genuine affection, but now it was all over.

You sighed and placed the drink down, hugging your knees tightly to your chest. The only sound was the rustling of leaves and the occasional chirp of a cricket. You gazed up at the stars, wondering what your life would have been like if you had behaved differently. Maybe the gift had been a stupid idea after all.

I watched as the stars in the sky started to sway, almost as if they were dancing. It was a mesmerizing sight, one that I couldn't take my eyes off of. As the alcohol I had been drinking finally hit me, I started to feel a sense of ease wash over me. It was a strange feeling, being so upset yet feeling so relaxed at the same time.

But then again, it was always difficult to mourn a relationship that was kept strictly private. It was as if it didn't even exist outside of the two of us. I couldn't help but let out a small giggle at the thought, imagining how Mayuri would instantly flip a switch and show no interest in me when someone came around. It was almost comical.

But then the reality of the situation hit me. Was I really that bad? That dim-witted? To have fallen for someone who didn't even want to acknowledge our relationship? I couldn't help but feel a pang of hurt and frustration in my chest. It was a feeling that had been there for weeks now, and it didn't seem to be going away anytime soon.

As I thought back on my relationship with Mayuri, I couldn't help but let out a bitter chuckle. I had known from the beginning that he was a callous and unemotional person, yet I still pursued a relationship with him. I was fully aware that I was signing up for heartbreak, yet I couldn't resist the pull I felt towards him.

Now that it was over, I was left with nothing but regrets and self-blame. I couldn't help but wonder if I was the one at fault for falling in love with a man like him, who was notorious for devoting his entire being to his scientific pursuits. Perhaps it was foolish of me to expect anything more from someone like him.

Mayuri was annoyed that she had the nerve to question him like that. He was a respected captain, a brilliant scientist, and yet she dared to challenge him. He had made it clear that he didn't have time for trivial matters like her emotions, but now she was gone and he found himself wondering if he had been too harsh.

He would try to focus on his work, but his thoughts kept drifting back to her. He wondered how she was doing, where she was, and if she was thinking about him too. Part of him wanted to reach out to her. But another part of him couldn't bring himself to do it. He was too proud to admit his mistakes.

As the days passed, Mayuri found himself becoming increasingly restless. He couldn't concentrate on his experiments, and his subordinates noticed that he seemed more irritable than usual. He tried to push his feelings aside and focus on his work, but it was like a nagging voice in the back of his mind that wouldn't go away.

Mayuri was in his laboratory, focused on his work as usual. He had been keeping himself busy ever since she left, not wanting to dwell on the fact that he might actually miss her. But as he worked, he found his mind wandering to thoughts of her. He felt a strange emptiness within him that he couldn't quite explain.

As he was about to run an experiment, he heard one of his subordinates mention her name in passing. The mention of her name sent a jolt of anger through him and he snapped at the subordinate. "Don't mention her name in my presence again," he growled, his eyes blazing with fury.

His subordinate, taken aback by Mayuri's outburst, quickly retreated from the room. Mayuri continued to work, but he couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness that was slowly consuming him. He tried to focus on his work, but his mind kept wandering to thoughts of her.

As the days passed, he found himself growing more and more frustrated. He couldn't understand why he was feeling this way. He had always been a solitary person, never needing anyone else in his life. But now, he found himself missing her presence, missing the sound of her voice and the way she made him feel.

It was a new sensation for him, and he didn't like it. He was angry at himself for feeling this way, angry at her for making him feel this way, and angry at the world for being so cruel. But despite his anger, he couldn't deny that he missed her terribly.

He tried to bury himself in his work, but it was no use. The emptiness within him only grew stronger with each passing day. He knew he had to find a way to deal with these new feelings, but he had no idea where to start. All he knew was that he missed her, and that he was angry and upset that he did.

Mayuri was growing increasingly frustrated with the absence of his secret lover. He had tried to dismiss her from his mind, but something kept pulling at him, urging him to seek her out. Unable to resist any longer, he decided to track down her spiritual pressure.

As he made his way through the dense forest, his irritation grew. Why did she have to make things so difficult? But despite his annoyance, there was a small part of him that couldn't help but feel a sense of relief knowing that she was still alive.

Finally, he spotted her silhouette in the distance. She was sitting alone, hugging her knees, with an empty bottle of sake by her side.

Mayuri's heart skipped a beat at the sight of her, and he was suddenly filled with a mix of emotions that he couldn't quite put his finger on. He approached her quietly, not wanting to startle her. As he got closer, he could see the tear stains on her face, and his heart sank. He had never been good at comforting others, but seeing her in such a vulnerable state made him feel a strange sense of protectiveness.

"Hello," he said, his voice surprisingly gentle. "I've been looking for you."

She looked up at him, her eyes widening in surprise. For a moment, they simply stared at each other, both unsure of what to say. Then, Mayuri spoke again, his tone becoming slightly more assertive. "You can't keep running away from me like this. We need to talk."

As he spoke, he couldn't help but feel a sense of anger bubbling up inside of him. He had grown tired of her evasiveness, and he was determined to get to the bottom of whatever was troubling her. But as he looked into her eyes, he could see the pain and vulnerability that he had caused her. He softened slightly, realizing that he may have been too harsh in the past.

‘’ You told me to stay out of your sight.. I was just abiding by your rules so I don’t see that as running away ‘’ You spoke slowly as you tried to not feel overwhelmed from his presence .. you thought the gift situation bothered you but as time passed you realized it was how he treated you. Maybe you finally grew tired of the insults and lash outs he would dish out towards you.

Mayuri carefully analyzed the woman's expression that clearly displayed frustration from his words.. His eyes narrowed as he loomed over the women with a scowl on his face.. his paint would have creased even more if she furthered her speech about leaving him.. “ You think you can easily just leave? I’d easily transfer you since your wretched emotions are nothing but a nuisance! but since I made so much accommodations for you, I will not have that thrown to waste.. “ His large figure towered over the women as his eyes twitched from agitation.. “ Your modifications belong to me and now that they are apart of you.. well then I’ll gladly take them back, leaving you in a pitiful state that you came to me in the first place “

“ . . . “ You felt yourself trembling from his intimidation as you struggled to find the words and it made you wonder if you could truly leave him. He was very adamant on keeping you by his side.. but you felt the need to finally stand up for yourself.. “ I.. don’t care “

You spoke defiantly with a newfound confidence but it was quickly shattered as his eyes glinted with.. a familiar stare that you knew personally. You stumbled back from him as his silence worried you.. you were watching his actions carefully as his hand slipped into his pocket “ Oh~? Is that so? Then let me show you why you should care '' His voice was chilling as his eyes widened with glee.. he pressed some sort of device that made you gasp.. You fell to your knees as your modifications vibrated on your cunt. “ W-What? “ You mumbled as your thighs began to tremble from the vibration.. you could only stare up at Mayuri with a helpless pleasured expression as you parted your lips.. His eyes were glinting with a knowing smile as he watched you writhe on the ground.. you couldn’t believe that he added this sort of function to your modifications! “ M-Mayuri '' You whimpered as you crossed your legs and tried to keep some sort of dignity.

‘’ I have done my research.. Multiple times on your body ‘’ Mayuri spoke slowly with a grin on his lips as he walked forward and knelt down to meet your eye level ‘’ I know you better than anyone else.. I will exploit it to the fullest and show you why you mustn’t be so open to your superiors ‘’ He chuckled as his anger returned ‘’ You are one messed up harlot that continues to manifest in such inconvenient times like this. ‘’ He growled lowly.

Mayuri knew himself that he couldn’t toss you aside so easily but he deemed you worth the trouble as his hands reached lower to grasp your chin.. His golden eyes narrowed with his own lust emitting in his gaze ‘’ Now don’t give me anymore of your pathetic excuses Women.. The moment you decided to openly pursue me sealed your fate ‘’ His voice was cold yet.. So arousing.. You thought as you stared up at him with a glazed over stare.

You wanted independence from your obsession but with him always around.. You were no better off and it thrilled you on how much control Mayuri could take and give on the whim.

You didn’t know how to respond as your face was flushed heavily and you could only whimper softly. . he was right.

#mayuri kurotsuchi #bleach mayuri #anime bleach #mayuri x reader #mayuri x you #is this fandom dead?#bleach anime

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just-dino-maggie · 1 year

Note

"What the hell were you thinking?" "In all honesty, I'm not sure." With Cole Caufield please!

I love this prompt! Thank you for the request, I hope you like it!

Cole Caufield can only be described in one word, frustrating. We attend Northville High school together in Michigan. He’s part of the popular group of athletes. The USNTDP boys are a tight group, all the guys want to be friends with them and all the girls want to be with them.

I don’t blame anyone for wanting that. They are attractive and fun. Being apart of the coolest group at Northville would probably feel amazing for most people. For me, well I’m just trying to get through school.

High school isn’t my end-all be-all. It’s a stepping stone to get to college. The person who loves to get in the way of my plans is Cole Caufield. We are always in the same classes and for some reason he loves to sit next to me and bug me.

Today in English our teacher announced our end of the year project. It’s worth 20 percent of our grade so I need to do well. It’s a partner project and I’ve already decided that I want to do with my friend Amber who is acing the class.

In order to pick our partners we have to go up to the teacher’s desk and tell her who we want to work with. I walk up to the desk and say “I want to work with Amber on the final project.”

She throws me a confused expression, “I already have you marked down as working with Cole. He told me about the partnership last week.”

My eyebrows shoot up, “No I’m not working with Cole, I didn’t even know he chose me for this!”

“I’m sorry Y/n but unless you both agree to switch or there is a genuine issue then I can’t change it.” She looks apologetic, it’s not her fault.

I sigh and give her an awkward smile, “it’s fine I’ll figure it out.” I practically stomp back to my seat. I’m angry but I’m trying to calm myself.

The bell rings signaling the end of class. I grab my things and hurry to catch up with Cole. “Cole, hey can I talk to you?” He turns around. He has a big smile on his face, what a dipshit.

“Yeah Y/n what’s up?”

I take a deep breath, “Why did you pick me for the final project!? What the hell were you thinking?”

"In all honesty, I'm not sure." He replies scratching the back of his neck.

“Well you better start thinking. I know you probably thought you could just have me do all the work but I will make sure you do your half.”

Part of me hopes those words will scare him off but it doesn’t. He just smiles and says, “Okay, sounds good.”

“Put your number in my phone, I’ll text you my address. We can get started this weekend.” I huff shoving my phone into his hands. He types his number in quickly and walks off to his next class. I glance down at my phone and the name Cole :) stares back at me. It makes my face heat up, I’m not sure why.

Over the week we decided on a time for him to come over. Saturday at 11am. On Saturday I get myself ready, I even clean my room for him. Which is weird because I’m not sure if we’ll even be in there but my nervous energy had to go somewhere.

Suddenly it’s Saturday and Cole is late. At around 11:30 I begin to think he’s not showing up. I’m in a pit of my own anxiety because he’s not answering his phone. I’m trying to keep myself calm but it’s hard.

Finally at 11:45 I hear a knock at the door. When I open the door Cole is standing there. “I’m so sorry I’m late,” he says. “My phone died or I would have texted you. Practice ran late.”

“Right, okay.” I mumble. My mind mixing with anger and relief. “We can study in my room.”

He walks up with me and we are sitting on the bed together. We start brainstorming ideas and we are having trouble agreeing on anything. “Are you trying to be difficult? Why did you even choose me as your partner? First you’re late and now this.”

He sighs, “No Y/n, I’m not trying to be difficult. I’m trying to put in my input to make this work. I know you’re really smart but I also have some good ideas. I chose you because you’re really smart and I enjoy being around you. It’s the same reason as why I sit by you in class. Also I’m sorry I was late, it won’t happen again.”

I can’t but blush. It’s stupid how much I crave academic validation and him telling me I’m smart feeds into it. “Thank you Cole. How about we mix my first suggestion with your second. I think it could be really cool.”

We start working as a team instead of two bulls butting heads. It’s almost magic, he’s so much more dedicated and passionate then I thought he was.

After a while I’m starting to get tired of school work. “Do you want to call it quits for the day? We have a great start.”

“Yeah sure,” he replies. “Would you maybe want to hang out sometime? Like without all the school work.”

I smile, “I’m free the rest of the day if you want to watch a movie or something.”

“Yeah, yeah let’s do that!”

We sit down next to each other to watch the movie as we’re watching he gets a text from someone asking how it’s going with his ‘literature crush’. I’ve never felt better about a school project.

#cole caufield #cole caufield imagine #montreal canadiens #usa hockey #usntdp

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sysmedsaresexist · 8 months

Text

Here's the deal.

I have officially resigned from SN.

Here's my message.

@Moderator I am giving SN my resignation.

You've got until the weekend to figure out a public reply before I go ham.

This isn't about me, it's about my frustration over defending all of you.

I actually haven't been directly named yet. I could literally walk away unscathed, but my heart hurts so much and I am filled with so many emotions that I feel like I'm going to burst. I am internally imploding.

Keeping quiet has made me physically ill, I have lost twenty pounds, I have ongoing shingles from stress (the stress being unable to deal with strong emotions with no outlet), I am feeling ashamed of myself, who I am, how I handle things. I am full of guilt and self hatred over my feelings. Why can't I just be like you guys? Why can't I just let it wash over me and move on and ignore it?

I question everything I post and say now.

I am once again a child being told that everything I feel is wrong, that I'm wrong.

I'm not blaming any of you for that, but my mental health is falling apart.

Part of my healing was embracing my anger and not being ashamed of my feelings, and venting them honestly and openly.

I'm fifty feet back in my journey, and back to hiding and killing my thoughts and emotions.

I haven't switched since April because I'm so scared to let anyone else out that I can't control.

I'm not like you guys, I can't let this continue.

I love you all, so much.

Everything works out in the end, even if it's not how you expected.

Good luck, see you all on the other side.

Bois

I can't wait to make these people look like the fools they are

I can't wait to point out everything about all of this drama

I can't wait to show Sophie how fucking off the mark she is about all these accusations

I can't wait to drop screenshots of the two members that are complaining (yes, because there's only two, out of OVER 300 members) acting like absolute CHILDREN

I can't wait to state the real stances of mods on some of these topics so we can clear the air

To the members:

I am so happy to have met all of you, the community YOU all created is amazing, and I'm grateful and so honoured to have been a part of it. I have never met a group of kinder, more understanding people in my life, and I hope each and every one of you achieves your goals ❤️

I know a lot of you are going to ask why, wondering what I'm doing, but what are we supposed to do? What do they want from us? What's going to make it stop? None of you deserve this, and someone needs to point that out.

Let's cover the big ones

Was SN involved in the banning of Sophie? No. The server only opened that same day.

Was SN involved in the second banning of Sophie? No. That was only two days later, we still weren't fully open.

The few members in the server show complete confusion over her banning, and rules were added that first day that those involved in harassment or false reporting would be banned.

Was SN involved in the banning of eeveecraft? This one is actually hilarious because you'll see that no one knew who the hell eeveecraft was. It's genuinely hilarious the number of, "who?" Like, wow, you're really not that important.

The Sophie bot: it was a handful of uwus and a joke about balloon popping, THAT'S IT, I am LITERALLY looking at the members being upset over one of Sophie's posts at the time, members venting hurt and fear and upset, extreme frustration, struggling with feelings of powerlessness, and someone made a joke, and I'm looking at apologies and rule updates FROM BEFORE SOPHIE EVEN KNEW ABOUT IT

One user made a post and mistakenly or accidently implied it was still happening, but they weren't even in the server at the time it happened. It was not months of rping and harassment. I am still pissed about that post.

It was one person, one night, get over yourself

While watching the SN mods live rent free in Sophie's head was funny, it's just annoying now. Sorry one of the members did something dumb. Can we have apologies for all the baseless accusations you've slung our way, and the ACTUAL months of harassment?

SN harbouring a pedo?! Mods were very open and honest with members during the event. Multiple announcements were made as we investigated. We spoke with members about their comfort. In the end, the accusations were unfounded, confirmed to be false by the alleged victims themselves. We did our due diligence and we supported our members. There are zero safety concerns.

Their real name?! It wasn't their deadname, HOW THE FUCK WERE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW, WHAT WERE YOU SERIOUSLY THINKING WHEN YOU LEGALLY CHANGED YOUR NAME TO THAT, WHY

Also, see a therapist, your obsession with that person is TERRIFYING and you genuinely need to talk to someone

My past relationships: thank you for dragging that into this, low move, it's not like I had just gotten the situation to calm down and I was finally able to relax, but you're known to react before hearing both sides. Trust me, the damage was mutual, and I can't talk about it because I'm being blackmailed. That person has my name and address. To them, go ahead, post it, let the community decide if it was one-sided and if I blew off my apology.

#syscourse #survivors network #survivor's network #survivors' network #you're not allowed to know which is the real one

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blu-archer · 1 year

Text

Not A burden

Request: @parkjiminie951013

[Magic and hybrids exist, it's not a big part of the story but its that universe that I write about]

I rambled a bit so I'm sorry if it might be long.

I edited [with the cursed read aloud because I physically can't pick up mistakes] but they still might be there. I couldn't actually pay attention all the time...

Word Count: 5946

snz based

Sickie: Hobi

Caretaker: Taekook

Enjoy!

-Not a burden.-

He had successfully suppressed the fact that he was getting sick for three days in the hope that it would pass without genuinely thinking it – it was summer after all.

Who even got cold’s in the summer?

Him, apparently.

It was on day four that his cold truly sunk its claws in forcing to him leave for work early after coming to the realisation that he couldn’t stop sneezing and didn’t want to wake Kook and Tae – coincidentally it was also the fourth day since school had reopened, not that he was blaming his students or anything. Even if two or three of them had been suspiciously peaked and sniffly during dance practice. Now, half-way through day five, he was suffering in his office that he shared with the other dance instructors, grateful for the mostly quiet space so that he could mope without the headache he’d obtained getting any worse before his next classes. By the start of his second class he had taken to switching his water out for honeyed tea so that his voice didn’t give out on him while he taught, and he had managed to get some non-drowsy medicine during a break in his morning. So hopefully he would feel better later, or at least by tomorrow. It surely couldn’t be longer than that.

The timing was annoying, not that there was ever a time that getting a cold wasn’t annoying, but he was thankful that it only appeared to be settling in his head and not his chest. The last thing he needed was to be teaching dance classes while battling to breathe without coughing up a lung or something – if he had to choose between two evils, he could do a lot worse than a head cold.

Didn’t stop it from being uncomfortable though.

The days were warm, and the temperature only seemed to be rising. His excessive sweating because of it wasn’t helping in keeping his running nose in check and no matter how much he seemed to blow his nose – thankfully past him must have remembered to slip moisturised tissues into his bag at some point in the last few days – any progress that it made was destroyed by him sneezing. Sometimes, and this was becoming infuriatingly frustrating, he didn’t even sneeze. He would come close, so close, and then he’d lose it and be left a hot mess without even getting some type of relief out of it. He had spent the last ten minutes blowing his nose and still he could feel congestion building. His head was heavy, and his throat ached despite being practically coated in honey at this point.

If he could just go home, then he would be content. Sure he probably wouldn’t feel any better than he currently did, but at least he wouldn’t be dealing with hyperactive teenagers for the rest of the day. As much as he loved his students and loved the dance classes that he taught, the energy required was gradually killing him.

There was the creaking sound of a door opening, forcing Hoseok to glance up from his pity party of tea and tissues in case it was a student needing something during the break. Thankfully, it was just his best friend with a smile that was far too bright for the morning he’d just had.

“Seok-ah? Oh, there you are. We were supposed to meet in the contemporary studio like fifteen minutes ago.”

“Jimin, I couldn’t care less about reviewing that routine in this heat. It will likely be great with how much of a perfectionist you are.” He had meant for it to be just the right amount of teasing, but it had come out as more of a snappish retort. Like he had turned into some moody gremlin. Oh god, had he momentarily turned into Yoongi?

“Okaaay… Mr. Cranky, you could have just cancelled.” Jimin frowned, his tail swishing around his legs with growing annoyance. “I was waiting for you for nothing.”

Hoseok winced at the sharp look the hybrid sent his way as Jimin rounded the room to his own desk and pulled out his lunch. “Sorry. I should have messaged, but I honestly forgot all about it until now.”

“Really?” Jimin pouted, peering at his friend with wary eyes. “Is everything alright?”

“Mmm. I’ve got a cold and paired up with these heatwaves, it’s turning my head to mush.” Hoseok complained.

Jimin’s eyes softened with sympathy. It wasn’t often that Hobi got sick – literally out of their entire department he probably had the strongest immune system, but alas. Even the strongest of them fall at some point. “Why don’t you head out early?”

“It’s not bad enough for me to go home.” He shrugged, resting heavily in his palm. The hard wood of his desk was beginning to hurt his elbow, but he didn’t have the energy to shift into a more comfortable position. “Plus Jungkook is working on some commission projects at home, so I’ve been trying to stay out of his way.”

“You’d have to go home eventually.” The three of them lived together, it wasn’t like he wouldn’t see his partners at some point in the evening. “It might be better to just take it easy and rest.”

Hoseok sniffed meekly then gave a small head shake. “Taehyung has been swamped with his private studies with Yoongi – as in he sometimes doesn’t leave his little cave of spell books and crystals and herbs and all the other things that I’m worried might one day just collapse on him in that tiny study. I still have to go grocery shopping for dinner or maybe get some take out, I don’t think I can cook without potentially sneezing in it.”

Jimin looked like he was going to argue – his mouth pulling into that mildly angry pout – before he changed his mind, whipping out his phone and typing surprisingly quick with just one hand as the other grabbed chopsticks for him to start eating. “Get something delivered. There’s this really nice place that has the best soups, I’ll send you their details. They have other stuff too, but I usually order from them when I’m not feeling well or when Yoongi is away. It will open your sinuses right up and it tastes great – so like, a win-win situation.”

Maybe Jimin was onto something with that. He wouldn’t have to cook, and he could go to the store for groceries tomorrow when he would hopefully be feeling better. “That sounds like ..h’hh.. like a g- HA’shh’uh! H’ESHiuu!” he groaned, sniffling into his palm as he fumbled for his tissues. “Sorry. Good plad.”

“Best plan.” Jimin corrected, taking the moment to shovel food into his mouth while Hoseok blew his nose. Their break was almost over so he’d need the food if he wanted to survive the next three hours before school broke out. “Just.. take it easy.”

Hoseok didn’t think he really had a choice in the matter, his body was going to force him to whether he wanted to or not, unfortunately.

The rest of his day was uneventful. Boring yet still entirely exhausting. His classes had gone relatively smoothly despite the numerous breaks to blow his nose and him sounding a bit croaky towards the end, but they’d eventually ended, leaving him regretting his life choices for a few minutes before packing up his stuff. Then he’d made the drive home filled with teary yawns and blaring music to keep him from accidentally falling asleep. That was the last thing he needed to happen.

Once he had entered their apartment it was like he could finally embrace how tired he truly was, almost sinking to the floor when he struggled to remove his shoes for a minute. Then he shuffled straight to the bedroom, changing into some boxers and a loose shirt that probably belonged to Jungkook before falling face first into the pillows. He didn’t even bother to climb beneath the blankets – it was too hot to bother even if it was his exhaustion that had made the decision for him.

Vaguely he could hear Jungkook in the house, humming and singing as he worked on his paintings. It was unlikely that the hybrid would leave the chaotic corner of the living room that had momentarily turned into a studio and Tae would still be out for a few hours… Hoseok muffled a moan into the bedsheets before he pulled himself up once more just to collect his phone from his discarded pants pocket – going back a second time to collect his car keys as well to put on the bedside table before he forgot about them completely.

The ‘details’ Jimin had sent him earlier in the day was a single link to a website, but it was thankfully simple enough, even for his fogged mind, to put in a timed order that would arrive later. After setting an alarm two hours from now, Hoseok returned to his previous spot on the bed with just as much detachment in his fall as before.

He muffled coughs into the bedsheet, hoping it was quiet enough that Jungkook didn’t feel the need to investigate and then let his eyes fall shut with a final low groan.

And as quickly as they had shut, he was forcing them open once more. Although his eyelids did put up quite a fight, Hoseok woke up to his alarm cleaving a hole into his skull.

He wasn’t usually a grumpy person when waking up, but his head ached too much for him to not want to throw his phone across the room. He didn’t, obviously that would be outrageous, but as he managed to finally turn the alarm off he took a moment to breathe in the silence and just imagine how it would have felt to do it.

He cleared his throat with a cough that dwindled into a small fit that left him sniffling and swiping a wrist under his nose. Hoseok pushed himself to sit up all the while frowning at the thin throw blanket that someone must have draped over him during his nap. He hadn’t needed it, but his chest was warm at the thought of such small acts of care. He could almost imagine Jungkook having been the one to do so, he’d watched the hybrid tenderly care for an unaware Taehyung multiple times in the past already. It wasn’t hard to decipher how each one showed their affection.

Hoseok folded it up and tossed it onto his pillow before forcing himself to his feet. Immediately he could feel a shift of congestion in his sinuses that had him hitching into his palm before he pinched his nose, stifling three sneezes that left him breathless and unrelieved.

Thankfully he had some tissues in their bedside drawer that once he had used all of them he made sure to throw them away in the bathroom opposite their bedroom before washing his hands and splashing some water on his face. It didn’t help in changing the fact that his cheeks had lost some of their colour and his nose was beginning to capture a pink hue that was only growing more noticeable the longer he stared at his reflection.

“Hobi?”

Hoseok turned to the sound of Taehyung’s voice. The younger had clearly spoken from the bedroom so he took a final swipe at his nose, grimaced at himself, and then stepped into the hallway almost directly into his boyfriend. He had to turn last minute to avoid the full force of collision.

“There you are.” Tae sighed, moving closer until he could sink his face into Hoseok’s neck and wrap his arms around him. “You didn’t say bye this morning, I feel like I haven’t seen you properly in days.”

He tried not to feel too guilty about skipping out on his boyfriends before they woke up, but it wasn’t entirely on him that he’d missed Tae these last few days – the past week the younger had been quite literally burying himself in work until late. “Sorry. Jus’ had class stuff to do.” He cleared his throat again, flushing a little at how rough his voice sounded, but if Tae realised that it was from anything other than his recent sleep, he didn’t let it show.

“Must have been a long day if you decided to nap.” Tae teased, leading him to the lounge where Jungkook was still working, albeit with a cider in hand and a drying paintbrush in the other. “Jungkook said he didn’t even hear you come home.”

“Saw you on my bathroom break.” Jungkook murmured without taking his eyes off of his painting. “Do you think this is the right colour? Or should it be more of a peach? Damn, it should definitely be more peach.”

“I-hih- It looks good, Koo.” He shuffled a bit away from either of them and willed his nose to behave. They didn’t need to add worrying about him onto their list of things to do. So he lowered himself into the single seater chair and pulled out his phone at the convenient notification chime. “I –“ He smothered a yawn before he spoke again. “It was long. I ordered some food from this place that Jimin recommended because I was too tired to go shopping. ‘Says they’re good. It’s on its way soon.”

“Looks like you’re still tired.” Tae observed. “Thankfully it’s the weekend, so you can sleep in a bit and hopefully catch up on what you need.”

He had forgotten that he wouldn’t need to get up early. Relief flooded him at not having to force himself through studio classes for a third day of feeling like cotton had replaced his brain, because as much as he hoped, he definitely was not going to be better in the morning if he had felt worse after just a nap.

“Is it that noodle place?” Jungkook asked, finally twisting away from his work and letting Taehyung remove the brush from his hand to set it down in a paint splattered jar of water.

“Think so.” Hobi shrugged, his nose was threatening to run again, and he had to fight the urge to scrub at it. “ ‘Ordered a few things so we have a pick.”

Jungkook seemed pleased with that answer, pressing a quick kiss to Hoseok’s cheek before collapsing onto the sofa before downing his drink eagerly and proceeding to stare blankly at his work.

Tae joined him, laying so that his head rested in Jungkook’s lap and his feet barely dangling off of the edge of the couch. “We can catch up on some shows then while we wait. Come lay with me hyung.”

Hoseok brushed him off with a tight chuckle and settled back into his seat, running his hand through his hair with loose fatigue. “I think I’d start overheating if I cuddle with either of you furnaces.”

He hoped that they didn’t call him out on how the temperature had dropped drastically already. Thankfully Jungkook was too distracted, and Taehyung had learnt not to be too overly demanding, especially when it came to others space. So all he received as response was a heavy pout from the warlock as he fumbled the remote and turned their tv on to some nature show.

To be honest, he thought he was doing pretty well at keeping his symptoms hidden. Sure he was occasionally wiping his nose with his hand or wrist, which was frustrating because he couldn’t so much as sniff without Jungkook hearing him with how close they were, but he seemed to be getting away with it.

Or at least he had been.

It was about an hour into the mindless show Taehyung had chosen [some African wildlife thing that was all blurring together in a kill or be killed cycle] that Jungkook decided he was going to start painting again. No matter how much Tae complained about being slid off of his lap onto a pillow, the hybrid seemed obsessively fixated on getting his commissions done. It wouldn’t have been a problem, Hoseok usually loved watching Jungkook paint, but his nose had a different perspective the second he smelt the brutal stench of turpentine filling the space. Burning into his sinuses and making his eyes tear up with the need to sneeze. He would be able to excuse one maybe, but the building tickle was savage enough for him to know it wasn’t going to be an easy escape.

His breath had already stuttered audibly enough that he knew he wasn’t going to be able to hold back anything if he stayed seated there. So he hastily got to his feet, his hand hovering over his face as some type of shield and muttered a weak excuse of making some tea. As soon as his back was turned and he was heading for the kitchen, his nose was pinched shut and he was stifling a frustratingly wet fit between his fingers.

It was disgusting. He was disgusted with himself. Even as he actively tried to clean up by blowing lightly into his hand and letting the result be washed away in the sink. He tried to get his breathing under control, yet it seemed that the burn that had appeared in his sinuses wasn’t going to be rid of so easily and he was forced to try and hold back another as he dried his hands.

Only to pitch forward again with barely managing to stifle from the force of the sneeze. It hadn’t even helped; it had just left him itchy and teary eyed.

“Bless you, Hyung.”

Hoseok quite literally jumped at the soothing, rich voice. How mortifying. Tae smiled softly.

“You don’t look like you’re feeling well. Do you need a tissue?”

He rested a hand on his chest in a useless attempt to calm his racing heart while he waved the other in a vague ‘so-so’ gesture before catching two more sneezes into his palm. He was sniffing a bit more than usual after that but otherwise tried to regain composure. Not that Taehyung was believing him for a second with his bemused gaze trained on what Hoseok could only assume was his ever-reddening nose in desperate need of attention.

“Jus’ -snnf- sobething in the air, I thingk.”

“Hobi… You’ve been sniffling for days.” Tae said gently. “You don’t usually try and hide things, so don’t start being difficult about it now. Bun and I do that enough for all of us.”

“I-“ His breath caught in his throat, and he stuttered through it long enough to grow flushed as he twisted away. “H’IIEUSHH!”

Taehyung stepped close, so that his chest brushed up against Hoseok’s back, his arm coming around his waist to rub gentle circles over Hoseok’s stomach. The dancer jolted at his boyfriends cold hands momentarily meeting his skin as they slipped under his shirt, but he soon melted into it. So much for wanted to deal with his problems alone, apparently he was an open book. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to mind so much as he gradually sunk back into Tae’s chest. The younger had to strengthen his grip on his boyfriend’s waist to keep him from falling.

“Come lie with us. You know we wouldn’t do anything to make you uncomfortable, right?” Hoseok could feel Taehyung’s breath by his ear as he swiped his wrist under his nose – he definitely needed that tissue now. “We haven’t actually made you uncomfortable right? Because you can tell us if we do.”

“No. No, I just thought…” Hobi pulled out from the embrace just enough to turn and rest his head on the warlock’s shoulder. “You’re both busy. I didn’t want to make you worry when you have enough on your plates.”

“Yes, because having our boyfriend that usually tells us every aspect of his day and wellbeing deciding to suddenly hide it wasn’t going to make us worry at all.” Tae murmured but his voice lilted with humour. “You don’t need to do that. Now come… I can hear Kook shuffling around out there and he really needs to take a break from those paintings before he loses all sense of colour again.”

Despite his discomfort Hoseok couldn’t help but let out a small, tired laugh as he got dragged back to their couch, witnessing Jungkook gnaw at the end of his paintbrush without a care of the drying paint there. The turpentine was thankfully closed again but the scent still clung to the air enough for Hoseok’s sniffling to increase again.

“Hyung is sick.” Tae announced, forcing the eldest to settle in the centre of the sofa before he went to retrieve Jungkook’s paintbrush from him once more. “And you need to stop. It’s family time now.”

Jungkook sniffed petulantly at the latter statement, but joined Hobi on the couch, hugging his knees into his chest before leaning into the other.

“I had a feeling you were. I kept having to replace tissues in your bag.”

Replace… Ah. That makes sense. Of course Jungkook had been the one to hide the packs of tissues in his work bag, Hoseok was giving himself way too much credit by thinking he would ever remember to do that. “Why did you sta-ahh-rt ..snf.. doing that anyway? You did it before I even began to feel bad.”

The hybrid shrugged, pressing his nose into Hoseok neck which was seemingly becoming his favourite action. Jimin said it was something about his scent being ‘clean’, but he wasn’t complaining if sniffing him made his boyfriend at ease. Although he couldn’t imagine him smelling like anything but sweat and sickness right now.

“You were going to bed earlier and snoring a little.” Jungkook replied as if it were obvious. Which for some reason made Hoseok even more embarrassed about the situation.

Taehyung even hummed in agreement, nudging Hoseok in the side playfully as he sat on the other side of him, and finger snapped a tissue box into existence on his lap. He tried not to seem too impressed at how much better he was doing at simple magic like that, cutting Hoseok off before he could even think to comment on it.

“No need to blush, Sunshine.” Tae pressed a kiss to his check. “Your snores are very cute.”

Hoseok groaned, pushing them both away as they burst into giggles. “You’re hor-ih’hh…ugh. Horrible. Both of you.” He sniffed with annoyance and claimed a tissue, rubbing his nose with enough force that he winced at the liquid sound it made.

Yet his actions, despite his silent plea for reprieve, did nothing on helping the itch in his sinuses loosen and he was left to blow his nose with little relief. Not that blowing it did much either. He was still equally as congested and runny as he was before. He honestly didn’t understand the logic.

He went to blow again, managing to plough through at least four or five more tissues and only on the last one did the tickle become unbearable enough to tip him over the edge. Forcing him to rip out an abrupt sneeze into his already over used tissue.

“You don’t sound well at all.” Jungkook spoke softly, more to himself than anyone else. His hand trailing up Hoseok’s spine while Taehyung reached over with a new tissue, trading it with the one that was clutched in their partners grasp. “Tae’s right. It’s family time, so let’s go to bed. We can turn on the AC if you’re still hot and we can just relax together. I’ll wait up for our food if you fall asleep again and just bring it there for us to eat.”

He wanted to decline. After all they could relax here… Yet he couldn’t bring himself to mutter the words. He’d been dreaming of his bed the whole day; he’d be foolish to deny it now after the offer has been so easily presented.

“Delivery shouldn’t be much longer.” Taehyung mused, leaning back into his boyfriend. “How about this. You two go shower and wash off all that sweat and paint fumes. I will handle the food when it comes. That way Bun can’t sneak in and do more painting.” His tone didn’t leave room for argument and Hoseok couldn’t lie that he found it a little attractive. “I’ll also make some of that tea that Hobi so evidently forgot about a few minutes ago.”

“ You dragged me away.” Hoseok denied weakly as he yawned.

“Sure sure.” But the teasing grin’s only continued to grow on his boyfriends faces.

The shower was pretty much hell – even with Jungkook having joined him. The steam may have cleared his congestion momentarily, but it opened way for a string of continuous fits of sneezes that would have even put Jungkook in allergy season to shame. The hybrid tried his best to help though, soaping his boyfriend up before himself and then moving to quickly wash Hoseok’s hair while keeping a steady hand on the elder so that he didn’t slip or sway.

By the time they were finished, and Hoseok was on their bed in fresh pyjama’s having his hair ruffled and blow dried, his head was throbbing with the pulse of his heart in his ears and the pressure in his clouded mind was so heavy he couldn’t even keep from drooping against his boyfriend – probably making it a little harder to dry his hair but Jungkook didn’t utter a complaint. He just scratched at the dancers nape and tried to work faster.

Before he knew it he was being settled under the covers with a small display of some of the food he’d ordered being placed around him. Tae and Kook joined him on either side sipping steaming cups of tea that he himself didn’t have the will power to stomach. Instead he was slowly spooning a broth into his mouth despite his lack of appetite.

He had to give kudos to Jimin’s recommendation because even though he wasn’t at all hungry, the food was decent enough that he kept eating it. Every spoonful or so later Jungkook would slip him a bite of rice or meat to go with his own meal and Taehyung was quick to discard or hand him tissues when he couldn’t sniff anymore.

He didn’t participate in much else other than eating since his energy was depleting drastically even though it was barely 7pm, but he listened to Tae tell them about his day. Embraced the domesticity of him speaking about the new things he’d learnt or accomplished while Jungkook chimed in with praise and reassurance when needed. Taehyung even gave a swift example of summoning a portion of his magic which formed a bright purple orb in the palm of his hand, but let it dissipate when the light had triggered yet another exhausted sneeze from Hoseok when he’d lent closer to see it better. All that, embarrassment aside, had only prompted Tae to reach over and hold a tissue to Hoseok’s nose, telling him to blow and promising to show him again when he was feeling better.

“Are you tired hyung?” Jungkook shifted so that Hoseok was partially leaning onto his chest while they sat perched against their pillows. He continued after receiving a small, croaky hum. “Let Taehyungie get you some medicine first, then you can lie down properly.”

“Mm ’sorry.” Hoseok reached for another tissue as Taehyung gathered their dishes and leftovers before leaving. “Said I wasn’t gonna make you worry, but now you’re distracted from work.”

The hybrid frowned and burrowed even closer to his sick hyung, pulling him tightly into his arms so that his mouth could press gentle kisses against the side of Hoseok’s neck. “I’m not distracted. I need breaks too, as much as I hate to admit it. Plus Tae’s right, evenings are family time and that would still be the case whether you were at full health or not.” He watched as the other wiped at his nose with exhaustion weighing down his movements. “But you don’t need to feel guilty about it, Hobi. You look after us so well when we feel bad, it’s only natural that we do the same. That we want to, because it’s you and we love you.”

Hoseok let out a heavy breath and relaxed his body, his muscles immediately quaking at the realisation that he’d been beyond tense before. He wasn’t a burden. They loved him. Which he knew, obviously, but it was always nice to be reminded. Especially when he would start getting silly idea’s into his head.

“Do we have-!?”

Jungkook and Hoseok both turned to look at the door, trailing Taehyung’s booming broken question. Then the fluffy haired brunette appeared by the door with a sheepish smile and hands full of bottled medication. “Sorry, I momentarily forgot hyung’s headache.” He moved to set his findings down in Jungkook’s lap, sitting beside the younger while inspecting one of the smaller bottles labels. “I found some of that ointment that Jin and Namjoon made for us a while back. It was made for me I think, but it can be used with Hobi too so… “

“What were you asking earlier?”

“Ah, I couldn’t find any more of that herbal lotion that helped sooth pain. I got the cold medicine though, and some water.”

Hoseok mumbled a soft ‘thank you’ as Jungkook soothingly rubbing circles into his chest while reminding Tae that they hadn’t restocked what he had been looking for yet – no doubt the young warlock would now be adding it to his ever-growing list of ‘things to do immediately’.

“Koo, unbutton hyung’s shirt for me.” Taehyung spoke softly as he shook out two pills from one of the bottles and slipped them into Hoseok’s mouth, quickly following that by opening and pressing the bottle of water to his lips for him to sip and swallow. It was a bit rough on his throat, but Hoseok had never been fond of syrups, so he would deal with the little ache that the tablets would soon sooth. Jungkook worked nimbly, peering over his boyfriends shoulder to find each button as his arms still encased the elder. It was soft and Taehyung had to take the moment to watch fondly as Hoseok yawned and rubbed at his nose with the tissue that had still been in his hand. Taehyung couldn’t help but lean in and press a kiss the elders forehead. “You can go to sleep if you need to baby. I’m just going to rub some stuff on your chest. It should help you feel better soon.”

“Head is so heavy, I don’t kdow if I cadn.”

“Well this might help then.” Jungkook reassured, running a hand through Hoseok’s hair.

Taehyung didn’t hesitate in opening the small bottle he’d been reading earlier – an ointment that worked just a little bit better than the standard store bought VapoRub that Hoseok usually got. He scooped out a little, letting Hoseok blow his nose before he smeared it on the reddening skin. He took some more and started by rubbing it between his palms to warm it up then spread it all over his boyfriends chest. Usually he would take his time massaging it into the skin, but with how heavy-lidded Hoseok’s eyes were drooping Taehyung thought working fast was probably the best route.

He scooped out some more and lathered it from his boyfriends chest, up to his neck so that the familiar tan skin gleamed before he closed the bottle and Jungkook started buttoning up the shirt again.

“Do you-oh my..H’h.. Eh’heitch’uh… H’iitCHH’ew… Shit, sorry.” Jungkook sniffed, flushing at having sneezed into Hoseok’s shoulder. “That stuff is really strong. ”

“I cad’t smell id.” Hoseok pouted, not even fazed at being accidentally used as a tissue.

Taehyung waved his hands at them, shooing them off of the bed just long enough to drag the blankets down and help Hoseok settle into the centre again, elevating his upper body slightly with some pillows. “I can put some more on your nose if you want. Maybe you’re too stuffy for it to work fast.”

“Ha’d bme a tissue.”

Jungkook moved the box to his lap as he climbed in next to his boyfriend, handing him one before blowing his own nose quietly to remove the little itch that the scent had triggered. Hoseok rolled it into a point that had his partners both raising a brow, watching him fail at trying to get himself to sneeze.

“You don’t like inducing like that.” Taehyung stated with lilting concern as he sat down, and Hoseok groaned. He took the tissue away, folding it neatly in half before setting it in his lap. “Let me try to help.”

It started with a simple massage of sorts. It wasn’t something he did often, but he had read up on it before. Taehyung ran his fingers over Hoseok’s cheeks and forehead, working in small circular motions. It was definitely a longer process and his heart ached at how warm and swollen his partner was beneath his fingertips.

It must have been a combination of his actions plus the residue of ointment on his hands that had Hoseok soon frantically pushing them away with hitching breath. Nothing seemed to be happening other than a few gasps and a frustrated moan, so Jungkook took the tissue from Tae’s lap and let it over Hoseok’s nose. Forcing the sick man’s own breaths to heat his face while Jungkook began to massage and squish at his boyfriends full nose.

He had just moved to replace the tissue after having pinched and wiped up the mess they had coaxed out when Hoseok pitched forward, belatedly raising his hands as a congested sneeze ripped from his throat, only seeming to trigger more as his passages emptied.

“Bless you. Bless you.” Taehyung took some tissues from Jungkook and immediately took Hoseok’s hands to wipe clean while Jungkook dived in to hold fresh tissues to his face, catching the next round of sneezes.

“I-h’heh HE’ASHHU! Hh’h’ha..H’ATSHOO…H’Hh’hnn… …Htch’u-AT’CHH…h’h…uh’h.. H’ETCH’UHH-“

“Jesus baby.” Jungkook could feel the moisture seeping through the tissue. He switched for another, not quite catching it in time and forfeiting his arm to a bit of the thick spray before catching them in his shielding hand once more. “Breathe a bit.”

“H’h’HAH… …H’ih--HE’NGCHH’UH---H’ATCHEE…… A’TCHIEW-HA’GCHew… h’AGTCHU!!” Hoseok was panting. The itch was still there but it seemed like he’d gotten most of it out. Into the hands of his boyfriend, much to his own embarrassment. “So’ah..ugh. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise.” Jungkook smiled, moving the tissues again for Taehyung to now replace them with his own tissued hand.

“Blow.”

There was no point in hesitating, so Hoseok did as he was told. His head and throat throbbed, and he had to take a breather mid blow but eventually he was content enough to lean back and let his boyfriends curl into either side of him. Sure he still couldn’t breathe from both nostrils, but it was better than before. Taehyung even put a little more of that ointment on his nose and Jungkook was right, it was strong and had sent him into another small fit that was thankfully less severe than the previous one. But it had exhausted him in such a way that he was finally able to get some sleep.

The next time he managed to be woken up was by a heavy stream of midday light invading from their cracked open curtains and Jungkook’s jolting frame from where he was huddled beside him as the hybrid sneezed thickly into the deteriorating supply of tissues.

#bts snz #bts fanfic #bts sickfic #sick hoseok #snzfic #bunny hybrid jungkook #warlock taehyung #hybrid jimin #human jhope #magic exists #colds #dance teacher hoseok #hobi is a mess #caring taekook #they're good boyfriends #domestic boyfriends #poly relationship #anyway enjoy

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