#IM GONNA BARK I STG

[emmyrosee]

AHHHHH I just found new brain rot! Okay okay. So. The Try Not To Kiss trend on TikTok where you're supposed to lay on your partner like you're going to make out, get as close as possible to kissing, and see how long you can last until one of you breaks. I can't even begin to choose from any of the HQ guys because honestly, I love them all. But I think Bokuto would cave INSTANTLY! Atsumu and Oiks would try to tease the absolute shit out of their partner but would be dying. I feel like Sakusa would last the longest? Maybe Suna because he's a little demon.

I don't know I'm losing it over here.

IM GONNA SHIT RAINBOWS DONT DO THIS TO ME MATE-

Also Suna/Sakusa got just the smallest, littlest bit heated, reader discretion is advised!!

Bokuto doesn’t stand a chance my guy. He’s merely watching tv, sprawled in his sweats after his shower and you have the NERVE, the AUDACITY, the GUMPTION to DO THIS TO HIM??? WHEN HE CAN BARELY KEEP HIS PAWS OFF OF YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE???

The minute you snake over to his side, an arm tosses over your shoulder to bring you close. You hum happily and gently nose at his temple, relishing in the smell of his clean skin. “You’re warm,” you murmur.

“I take hot showers,” he chuckles, turning his head to kiss you. You duck away slightly, and there’s a flash of confusion that crosses his face for a moment. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“I wanted to kiss you… don’t you want to kiss me?”

There’s no shot of doing this. Not when his mind revolves around kissing you constantly, always, feeling his lips dominating yours in eagerness, teeth clacking together with need and desire and-

Your thoughts are cutoff when he captures you in a kiss exactly so, one hand coming up to cradle the back of your head, the one around your shoulders pulling you close. You can’t help but purr, and even if now there’s a failed tiktok recording, it’s worth it whenever the Bokuto Koutarou starts kissing you.

“You think too loud,” he teases with a nip of your lip. “Hate when you hesitate. I just want to kiss you forever, babe…”

Who would you be to deny him?

-

Oikawa is a little different, same with Atsumu. Because he constantly craves you too, he’s obsessed with you. But who is he to back from a challenge? Especially when you swing your leg over his lap, settling against his thighs contently, and he looks up with an amused smile.

“Comfy?” He teases, and you laugh before lacing your fingers in his fluffy hair. He mewls and angles his touch, and when you start to lean forward to simulate a kiss, he leans over to meet you, but he’s confused when you don’t meet in the middle. One brown eye opens up to peek at you, and when you’re gazing back down at him with challenge glimmering in your eyes, he exchanges the kiss with a smirk and a bite of his lip.

“You wanna play this game?” He mumbles softly, and you snicker as your hands scratch at his scalp. “You don’t want to kiss me?”

“Of course I want to kiss you,” you assure, nudging your nose with his. His hands cradle your hips as they gently smooth up and down, thumbs stroking over the meat. “I want to kiss you so bad.”

“Then kiss me,” he pants. In truth, your teases only make you more tantalizing, and there’s nothing more that he’d like to do than make you mewl from his kissing, a complete putty in his hands just because he’s the only one who can. “I won’t tell anyone.”

You laugh out loud at his words, feeling the mood slip slightly, but he’s not budging other than his coaxing words. The hand in his hair moves to instead cradle his jaw, and he needs to kick it up a notch.

In faux submission, and in an attempt to make you crumble, he leans even closer and whimpers softly close to your mouth, panting needily and eyes flicking up to you as if you’re the bad guy here, denying him. And you gotta give him credit- he does look delicious.

“You’re evil,” You whisper, but you still try to hold strong, thumbs caressing his jawline. Your head angles and you sigh in return against his lips, biting your lip enticingly.

You’re not sure who finally connected the kiss. But what you do know, is it wasn’t appropriate for tiktok.

-

Sakusa. Sakusa and Suna. My beloved menaces. They would have ABSOLUTELY no problem withholding longer than you, sheerly because if you start something, he’s gonna make you finish it. Not to mention Suna having the knowledge of the viral trend HA-

If you want to break him? You gotta start before you film the tiktok.

He’s in the kitchen, literally just grabbing a glass of water, when you’re up against him, arms wrapped lowly around his waist and eyes peering up at him. He chuckles down at you and wraps his own arm around your waist. “Missed me that much?”

“I did,” you whine, resting your chin against him to look up at him, and you see a glimmer of dominance flicker in his gaze. “Always miss you so much…”

“I’m coming right back to the couch, my love,” he says, humming softly. “Come on. We can go cuddle.” You’re practically clinging to him as you make your way to the couch where he was reading. One of his legs folds over the other for a small perch for you to sit in, and when you settle in, he flips back to the page he was reading.

That is, until your hand gently reaches up for his jaw, turning his head back towards you with a needy whimper. He smirks as his eyes flick up and down, “are you demanding my full attention now?” He asks, and you nod softly. “Too bad. You can wait until I finish this chapter.”

That, certainly, wasn’t the reaction you’d been anticipating. “But… but…” your fingers slip down to fist the collar of his tee shirt, tugging softly. “But I want your affection…” to entice him further, you lean closer and bite your lip, internally cheering when he leans forward as well. But before you can connect the kiss, he purrs out a teasing ‘no.’

“You constantly have my affection,” he says softly, confidence in his voice. “You will live for five extra seconds without it.”

“You’re being mean!” You pout.

Then, you gasp when one of his hands shoots to the back of your neck, gently slipping his fingers over the shorter hairs and fisting the locks dominantly. His lips finally ghost over yours as he snarls out against them, and you know he’s not going to break but god, this whole ordeal was almost worth it when he speaks.

“I’ll show you mean if you keep acting like an entitled brat.”

You squeak and tip your head back to try and ease the pull, relishing in the excited rage that flicks in his eyes when you mumble back, the war now being waged.

“You promise?”

#IM GONNA BARK I STG #GOD GOOD ASK MATE GOOD REQUEST #bokuto koutarou #bokuto koutarou fluff #bokuto koutarou x reader #bokuto koutarou x gn!reader #bokuto koutarou x reader fluff #bokuto koutarou imagine #oikawa tooru #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa tooru x reader fluff #oikawa tooru fluff #oikawa tooru x gn!reader #oikawa tooru imagine #atsumu miya #atsumu miya fluff #atsumu miya x reader #atsumu miya x reader fluff #atsumu miya x gn!reader #atsumu miya imagine #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa kiyoomi fluff #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x gn!reader #sakusa kiyoomi x reader fluff #sakusa kiyoomi imagine #suna rintaro #suna rintaro x gn!reader #suna rintaro x reader fluff #suna rintaro fluff

[much-significant-harassment]

AGG

I CRAVE PHYSICAL AFFECTION

#AGG #GRR GRRRRR #BARK #SOMEBODY COME CUDDLE ME AND SNUGGLE WITH ME AND SLEEP AL COZIES WITH ME I STG #I NEED A FUCKING PARTNER NOW #IM GONNA LOSE IT #MY SHIT IS GOING #MARBLES SPILLING

[dergenflergen]

Me: my dog has separation anxiety I'm so worried about how she's going to respond now that I'm working at a job where I can't bring her with me everyday

My dog:

#jane talks #its me #im the anxiety #jk pls dont give me that whole youre the reason your dogs anxious #shes just Like That™️ #i have heard her slam face first into the door upon returning home #i crated her in the bathing room at my old job and could hear her barking her head off because she could hear me talking in the other room #her previous owner surrendered her and she dead ass broke out of the shelter trying to get back to her owner #i stg if that first picture doesnt post right im gonna kermit #anyway i would die for her

[sebsxphia]

CHARLIE CUMMING IN YOU AT WORK THEN YOU MEET HIM FOR LUNCH and he spots a lil white mark on ur skirt n he’s like 🤤

WOOF WOOF BARK BARK THIS HAS ME SO FERAL

he doesn’t make any comments, he just grins as he pushes his salad into his mouth. “what?” you ask him, noticing the way he’s just staring at your skirt. “got a little something.”

i stg im gonna hit him right then and there before aggressively making out with him again!!!!

thank you so much for this dear anon!! 💌

#💌you’ve got mail #charlie young x reader #charlie young #charlie young x you

[lqfiles]

no because… im already in love with the characters omg like you just outdo it every single time you’re so talented ily 🫶🏼

BUT YOU KNOW I AM GONNA SPEED MY WAY TO YOUR UPDATES I LOVE THEM (gonna be stuck on my phone even tho tomorrow i have a fair to go to here in my neighborhood BUT STILL)

you’re always so talented and you always eatttt and guess what? I EAT IT UP i was re-reading stg up when i was watching a stream and i was giggling like it was my first time reading it

but i just came to say YOURE SO COOL OMG KEEP DOING WHAT YOU DO BC YOURE SO AWESOME

- 🫧

(Also Bella is currently eating her food after she barked at me for baking) (she’s currently up for adoption 😒/j)

a fair sounds fun omgggg GO AND HAVE FUN THERE PLSS get off your phone 😑😒

hehehe thank you tho i’m happy to hear that, i don’t think i’m outdoing myself rlly but it still feels nice to hear so :3 THATS CUTE THO i need to reread stg too, it’s weird to probably say but i was giggling at some of the stuff i made too like woah.. i kinda ate with some of the things..

YOURE THE BEST AND SUPER AMAZING MY LOVELY BUBBLE ANON ILY and hope you have fun at the fair and nothing ruins your day and that your life is going well and that bella is doing well too (i’m crying at that ps message 😭😭😭😭 she really thinks she owns the place omg..)

#asks. #from 🫧 anon #( pay the price ) #bella makes me not hate dogs much

[microphones-and-cameras]

I stg im gonna have to fist fight my fucking brother for some.of the peppermint bark that Mal made-

#the jims ask blog

[tardigrade-train]

I stg if the dogs are barking at someone this late at night im gonna fuckin cry

#train rambles #im so paranoid rn #an i dont know what to do to stop that #the backdoors locked 2 which is good #gate doesnt look moved #Gonna lock my door 2 be sure ig #But the shed is not locked #and i cant lock it bc its an outside only thing yknow #Ugh

[mwagneto]

offense but if they dont redacted tomorrow im gonna go fucking insane

#ok this could be abt many things. but im talking about my real life here #god i cant wait another week i'm gonna go crazy. please. please #also redacted is coming up slowly but surely and i reaaally want it before then #just for the sake. #fucking. please. please #i stg im gonna ask someone to knock me out for a week if they say no tmrw #barking

[stunt-lads]

For the colors i tried to remember all the good ones: fuschia, auburn, burnt sienna, gold, yellow, dodie yellow, teal, cerulean - arthur

Yellow: You are such a sunshiney person and my dash is always brightened whenever you post

Teal: You make me happy ♥

Auburn: I love you

Burnt Sienna: I love you but it’s a different color

Fuchsia: Come catch these hands…with your own. I wanna hold your hand.

Dodie Yellow: You are literally my favorite person ever.

Cerulean: I would come to your house at 3 in the morning if you were sad bc you deserve to be loved and to be happy

Gold: I can’t believe you exist. You’re such a blessing to this earth

ARTHUR IM ACTUALLY GOING TO SOB BRO U ARE SO NICE AND I LOV U

also same @ u <33

Colors? For me? :0c

#ask meme answers #ask #cryptidbox #ecks barks back #arthur i stg im gonna write some four and chips and gameshow angst for u bc ilysm

[shigironki]

//

#i legit hate my work so fucking much #my co-workers are apparently talking shit about me #and now if i say anything bad about a co-worker it gets soread around?? #im just ready to keep my dumb mouth close #gosh when i get no sleep i say either the meanest thing or something stupid #i hate it #:’) #and i stg if one kf my co workers bark at me im gonna fucking loose it #i havent been feeling my tip top best and i feel like this night im gonna cry heavily when i get home #i dont even want to work here #i dont care anymore im ready to throw in my 2 weeks and call it a day #jas cries

[note-a-bear]

My immediate boss told me to leave if I was gonna curse AFTER he came raging at me over a fucking cardboard collection cage, while I was in the middle of working two days of product, breaking down the product that came in, and cleaning my area. But he came out immediately barking at me over this, I wasn't in the mood, and I just don't make enough to be someone's whipping boy.

And I stg if you reblog this im going to fucking find you and fight you

#work stories #i was scheduled for a short shift anyway #so fuck it #i didn't even want to come in

[captainpufferfish]

LIVE REACT LIVE REACT LIVE REACT

(this is my second time around watching this cuz first time I was screaming too much so eh but yeah)

i love the format already the art is amazing and adorable and I love it

ok I feel very called out with the you too thing

roman!!! virgil!!!!

oh no they angy

THE OLD JOKES IM-

ok ro virg lay off him

oh the Roman angst is kicking the fuck in

the chorus of liar I stg

"*insert Shakespeare here*" "what?" "cutie at 12 o'clock" I LOVE THAT

the amount of gay this episode radiates is me whenever im pining over a cute girl and I feel vERY ATTACKED

I love how the 'liar' goes from an accusation to just,,,, "I'm not interested." "liar."

"we don't know if they're not gay" me all the time because quarantine fucked with my gaydar

THE STICKER PIN SYSTEM AH YES IM WELL AWARE OF THIS

BUT THATS A STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME

the "oh. my. god" is so on point

ok mr sand I see your primary goal for this video was just to call me out

the way Virgil can't sit up straight really resonates with my soul or some shit

I may kin virgil now just because of this ep

for some reason this virg has big pre aa vibes and I can't really explain why he just,,,,does, u feel?

the art style is a👏or 👏a👏ble

TEH NEWS REPORTER DESK IM FUCKING DYING

"oooooohhh"...."ooooh" just the transition from yay to nay is so great

"good points guys! I don't want me to be doing this either!" ladies and gentlemen the volume in this bus is astronomical

I'm very familiar with the five second rule

"gay,,gay,gay,,,HES GAY" no shit sherlock

speaking of sherlock where the FUCK is my smart son

"no man!" "uhm, it's ro-man. with an r." CATCH ME KINNING ROMAN'S HIMBO-NESS

better listen to Virgil he's an xxexpert

ROMANS "EASY TIGER" OH MY GOSBDHJWNS

"gay eyes?" "gay eyes" honey those barely work hate to break it to you but I have tried and tested with no good results.

"you were tESTING ME?" "oh no I wasn't testing you I was just panicking" same virgil same

"I hAte To RaIn On YoUr BlAcK PaRaDe, GerArd gAy-" solid reference 10/10

oh my god the stand up sit down thing

"youre making a mistake!" "if I am, I'll add it to the list!" roman, honey, no no no stop if you keep talking bad about yourself im gonna physically fight you

"I don't know, pLAaNT" LSHAJDNDHAG

THE PLAY ALONG THING IM GOING TO DIE OH MY GOD

THE TRASH CAN OH MY GOD THOMAS

this is so sad alexa play despacito

can we get some likes for this fallen soldier 😔

the bird metaphors oh my fucking god

"that's like cyber stalking, but in. real life!" "so,,,stalking" "...OH YOU'RE RIGHT!!" don't worry Virgil I too forget that the outside world exists it's okay

THE SPEAKING FROM THE HEART THING AAAAAAAA

JSHDJSBBSJDBSHSBJSBHA OH MY GOD NICOS FACE WHEN HE COMES OUT OF THE STALL IM DEAD I AM DECEASED

the terrified gay look that they all have is so my aesthetic

terrified gay™

"I was just running lines in the mirror" thomas oh my god why no stop please like dude fuck stop

NICO CAME BACK FUCK YEAH

"AAAAA WHAT" "HE WAS AFRIAD YOUD LEFT?" "HE FEARS THINGS TOO???" yeah virg I think everyone fears things

the sheer gay panic of Roman and Virgil yelling at thomathy to do different things at once is so strong i could feel it thru the screen

"ANACONDA! THOMAS, HE'S A NIKKI MINAJ FAN!!" wow

no he left nooooo

NO ROMAN DONT BE SAD STOP IT WHEN YOU'RE SAD IM SAD

again, I am but a humble Logan kinnie waiting for my smart boy, but also as a Roman kinnie I'm getting the fuel I need

you can bet I'm writing some Logan angst about this tho

VIRGIL YOU HAVE GAINED SO MUCH RESPECT FROM ME

YOUVE MOVED UP IN THE RANKS OF MY FAVOURITE CHARACTERS GOOD JOB YOU LEVELLED UP

so proud that the purp man wasn't a bitch (virgil stans this is a JOKE please don't come for me)

i've only had nico for an hour but if anyone hurt him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself

BOYS ARE HAPY YES GOOD

I am respectfully fan-enbying very hard rn

SJZHSJSA THE BIN METAPHOR

the himbo energy of thomas accidentally outing himself as the one who ran into the bin is just me

hi yes mr sanders you stole my vibe give it back

ROMANS FACE WHEN THOMAS SAYS HE HAD A BRUISED EGO SWANSGKWW

"well let's not waste this one" hhhhhhh I want a girlfriend please and thank you

this has just become me making fun of c!Thomas's gay pining while gay pining

the chorus of "shut up" from red himbo and purp himbo makes me hapy

serotonin check

THE END BIT WITH LOWKEY PRINXIETY VIBES HAS ME SO SOFT

oh my god guys the prinxiety shippers are gonna go WILD I feel it in my bone marrow

"shut up emo" IM SO SOFT SKDHISNSD NO STOP IT THOMAS I WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING ANXIOUS AND FULL OF RAGE

roman's so happy when he says the old joke, I think to myself, momentarily forgetting that pof was a thing and that princey is still v sad

nice patreon promo

AAAAA THEYRE HERE

the happy flustered "oh my gods" make me happy because that's just me whenever I succeed at something

the screaming is just me after the wholesomefest that was this episode

OOOOOH V'S EYESHADOW IS PRETTY ANS SHINY AND PURPLE I LOVE

oh no I've claimed that I dislike virgil and now I'm going soft oh ew I'm going soft

I'm still angry at him for threatening my smart boy but he's better now

I need somewhere to direct my anger this is bad

ANYWAY

"huh! delete it now." ME EVERYTIME I TRY POSTING A FIC SKNXISBSHSA

oh no his eyeshadow went back to the void

I'm always up for some blackhole eyeshadow but the purp was pretty and shiny and crow brain went brrrrr

"yeah! join me, no thinking!" your local himbo, more at 9

"I'm gonna need you to shake your hands" my brain whenever anything good happens

"GAH, DEMON" Florida man thinks dog is demon, terrified every time it barks

"DONT TELL ME TO RELAX" me after this video

thanks for coming to my TedTalk

#ts sides #sanders sides #flirting with social anxiety #fwsa #the abbreviations have started becoming keysmashes but its okay #ts sides spoilers #jaz screams

[violentviolette]

woke up with a splitting headache over my one eye because my broken tooth is hurting again, that fucking dog *will not* stop barking and i stg im gonna strangle it, im on day 2 of shark week and i am almost completely out of weed

if i don't beat someone to fucking death today it'll be a god damn miracle

#jack.speaks #mmmmmmm this is why i keep myself so fucking sedated on the regular #really contemplating just rolling over and going back to sleep #ive been awake 20mins and im already fucking over it #🙃🙃🙃

[hcrofraid]

THE BLOODBATH / DAY 1:

hmmmmm im squinting mephiles wHATS IN IT FOR YOU... UR GONNA BE A JERK AND BACKSTAB HIM ARENT YOU...

DFKJGNDFJKGNDJGDFJGNDNGD MILES ??? WHAT??? LMFAO IM DEAD i dont think hs ok

RUN BARK RUN !!

sonic ): share. pls share.

I CANNOT BELIEVE PEARL IS BURNING A SKUNK. that sentence is not to be taken out of context dont you dare

WTF. SHADE?? SHADE HONEY NO... NO1!! gosh poor amy... she tried... T-T (although wouldnt shade be used to this kind of environment - )

off he goes

OH SHIT ORBOT’S GOT A SWORD

icb silver stole mimic’s knife smh. hes coming for ur life silver

buckle up boys we’re going ca MPING. bring ur marshmallows -

FORGET ALL THE GUNS I SAW EXPLOSIVES OVER THERE !!

good... good on you td. you gonna hide out there now??

you know - that’s... fair, working with your enemy. in tough bean times you do need the power of teamwork.

oh snap are orbot and bark going to swordfight now??? GIVE IT TO ME

gogogogogGOTTA GO FAST

cole what the actual fuck. also wow sonic died earlier on. AGAIN. THIS GAME IS DISCRIMINATING I STG. IM CONCERNED FOR LIGHTDASH SONIC THAT CANT LAST

thats fair. all ur friends are killing eachother you need time to chill

NO DROWNING YOUR SORROWS, NACK. SUFFER LIKE THE REST OF US!!!

zero those better not be bombs. for your sake i hope they’re not bombs. ZERO -

KGJNDGJDFGDNF WOW. i mean to be fair she did taunt his bro so

is... is infinite ok. i thought he’d be revelling in this kinda thing but... also rOUGH FDJKGNDJGNDFGNDFGJDFN

cryin is a huge mood today and that is literally so valid. bless orbot. hes trying

KGNDFGJNDD M EPH EVERYONE COULD’VE GOTTEN OUT WITH THOSE YOU REALLY WANT YOUR THEATRE DONT YOU

holy shit. amy was part of team hooligan??? THATS THE BIGGEST PLOT TWIST OF THE CENTURY

.............. 8I

toxic berries seriously - ... although maybe this is a metaphor since toxic is my pen name... hmmm but anyway ;; rip bbys

#.hunger games spam #long post #tw: death mention #tw: alchohol mention

[mitchsmarners]

when tomorrow comes (i’ll be on my own)

rating: mature

pairing: eddie kaspbrak/richie tozier

summary: Richie pushed himself up on his elbows and smirked. “You know, Eddie my love, we suddenly have great potential right here. Don’t you remember what it was like? Back in Derry… all the sneaking around, the thrill of getting caught all the time? What an adrenaline rush!”

“What a constant risk of anxiety attack you mean,” Eddie corrected, but he was grinning too. “But yeah, it was pretty exciting. What’s your point?”

“What if… and really hear me out here, Eds… we just let them think we were broken up?”

note: check AO3 for extended chapter ending!!

chapter count: 3/5

from king trashmouth<3: keep me updated on your date! bet he falls in love with you in 6 seconds! he’ll see how cute you are and he wont be able to help himself!

Eddie chuckled to himself and fought the urge to clutch his phone to get chest. He hadn’t realized how much he was going to miss his boyfriend. He really hadn’t given any thought to just how much time he and Richie spent together, until they were no longer able to spend every waking (and truthfully, most sleeping) moments together. The only reason they weren’t physically joined at the hip was because Eddie’s over bearing mother had refused pay for school if he was living with Richie.

to king trashmouth<3: he works with bill on the creativity news letter. im expecting him to be a huge fucking nerd

from king trashmouth<3: oh so totally your type! *kiss emoji*

to king trashmouth<3: my type is Richie Tozier, so unless my blind date is secretly you then he’s not my type at all

from king trashmouth<3: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

from king trashmouth<3: EDDIE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

from king trashmouth<3: HURRY OVER AFTER YOUR DATE SO WE CAN HAVE SEX

Eddie inhaled sharply, squeezing his eyes shut. He clutched his phone tightly in his hands and took several deep breaths. That was another thing he had learned about himself and Richie since this whole thing began: Eddie really liked having sex. He knew, of course, that he enjoyed sex but he’d never felt like he and Richie’s sex life was all that important. He hadn’t thought that it mattered all that much, sex or no sex, but once it became increasing more difficult to find time and place for them to have sex, Eddie had been practically gagging for it. Something Richie had been more than happy to point out.

to king trashmouth<3: stan?

from king trashmouth<3: meeting pattys parents. gonna be gone

from king trashmouth<3: all

from king trashmouth <3: weekend

Eddie swallowed roughly, truly being tossed back into the days of living with their parents in secret. It was rush, Richie had been right. Remembering hushed nights and how they’d practically be popping out of their jeans at the mere mention of Richie’s parents leaving town for even just one night. It was sharp and intense, and it left Eddie’s heart hammered in his chest.

“Eddie?” A voice called over to him as a man approached the table. Eddie looked up, blinking. Bill had quiet possibly over-sold the attractiveness of this friend, but Eddie had expected as much. Everybody oversold their friends for a date, even if Eddie had never actually been set up on a date before. Jake From Creative News Letter sort of had an…  Richie look to him, if he were being honest. The kind of person that if he and Richie had actually broken up, Beverly and Stan would probably been concerned for his mental health if he started dating this Jake dude. He had curly hair- a lighter shade of brown than Richie’s, but similar in texture- and thick rimmed glasses. His clothes were tamer colours, but still loose button up shirts over T-shirts with ripped jeans. Ugly boots.

to king trashmouth<3: not richie is here! ill text u when were done! love you!

from king trashmouth<3: ill give you 15 bucks and a blow job if you call him not richie at one point on his date eddie i stg

Eddie smirked to himself, and greeted Jake From Creative News Letter. He took the seat across from Eddie in the café and started asking simple questions. What Eddie assumed were first date questions, but Eddie had never really had a first date. Sure, they’d had their first date- and hundreds and hundreds after that- but they weren’t like this. There was no awkward questions, or getting to know each other process, or wondering if they were going to spilt the bill. Eddie couldn’t believe that people had the patient and strength to do shit like this regularly. Eddie never wanted to do anything like this again, and he was more than thankful that it was unlikely that he would have to.

Jake From Creative News Letter was a nice guy. Funny, objectively good looking, played soccer. Obviously smart on some level, if he worked with the journalism department. Eddie knew from living with Bill during first year that it was a hard as fuck process to get accepted to write anywhere with the department, let alone the creative wing. All in all, Bill had made a good call in a blind date for Eddie. Although Eddie was pretty sure if he’d actually broken up with Richie and Bill had suggested going out with some dude less than a week later, Eddie probably would have punched him in the face.

“Hey, Eddie, are you okay?” Jake From Creative News suddenly broke through Eddie’s thoughts, reaching a hand out to rest on top of Eddie’s. The contact lasted only a short moment, but Eddie had to fight off the urge to crinkle his nose in disgust and yank away. “You’re just really quiet, I don’t know if that’s normal, but I… You don’t need to be nervous. I know you just got out of a serious relationship and this probably isn’t your idea of a good time right now.”

Eddie smiled gently, wrapping both hands around his almost cooled drink. “Sorry I’m totally wasting your time, right now.”

Jake From Creative News Letter chuckled, ducking down to look at the table. “No, it’s okay, I mean honestly… when Bill was trying to set this thing up, he wasn’t actually all that convincing. Kept talking about your ex, how much he likes him. If he wasn’t so obviously straight, I think he was trying to get you out of the picture so he could go after your ex.”

Eddie barked out a laugh, shaking his head. “Bill and Richie? No, no, that’s… that’s a hilarious thought. They’re… I swear to God, Richie never seems more like a straight dude than when he’s hanging out with Bill. They’re pretty much the definition of bros.”

An odd smile came over Jake’s face. “Feel free to tell me I’m way out of line, but… you don’t really talk about this Richie guy like he’s your ex.”

Eddie’s gut tensed and he bit down on his lip. Richie had mentioned off-handedly something along the same lines; that Beverly was worried about how normal Eddie was being. That he didn’t seem like somebody who was working through a devastating break up, but Eddie felt that in his defense; he didn’t know how to behave as though he were going through a devastating break up and he prayed that he never would. “I guess…” Eddie said slowly with a shrug, knowing damn well whatever he said would be getting back to Bill. “It just doesn’t feel like we’re broken up.”

“You’re in love with him.” Eddie just smiled bashfully, knowing there was no damn way he could bring himself to deny that. It wouldn’t be fair to anybody, but Eddie wouldn’t have been able to pull off the lie even if he tried.  “Why break up then?”

“I…” Eddie croaked. “It be like that… sometimes.”

Jake raised his brow, almost smirking. “Yeah, I guess it does. But Eddie… it’s all over your face, you know? You barely mentioned Richie, but I could tell. I’m sure anybody could tell, so just… Don’t let this Richie guy get away from you, if you can make it work.”

Eddie swallowed roughly, blinking away tears that surprised him. Tears that didn’t need to be welling up in his eyes right now, because he wasn’t loosing Richie. His phone had vibrated three times during this date that were no doubt his boyfriend demanding attention. He and Richie were solid, they’d be solid since before they were even officially together in any romantic sense. Richie Tozier was the most beautifully constant in his life, and Eddie would never let anything come between that. “I… Uhm…” He shook his head, throat still a little choked up. “I’m sorry, I need to go. I… I’m sorry.”

“No,” Jake shook his head, smiling. “Nothing to be sorry for. Go work it out.”

Eddie pushed back from the café table, thanking Jake once more and rushed for the front door. He yanked his phone out of his pocket, ready to call Richie before realizing that Stan may not have left yet, and opened his text messages with a pang to the chest.

to king trashmouth<3: date over and i miss u blease tell me stan is gone

from king trashmouth<3: he and patty are getting ready to leave rn

from king trashmouth<3: just stop by your room give bill a short run through of the date and well be good to go ;)

to king trashmouth<3: i love you

from king trashmouth<3: i love you eddie always <3

--

Eddie let himself into his dorm room, not surprised to find Bill sitting on the bed waiting for him to come in. “So, how did it go?”

Eddie sighed, tossing his phone onto his bed and kicking at the carpet. “It was fine, I guess. Jake’s nice, we… we talked about Richie.”

Bill, to Eddie’s great surprise, beamed even brighter. “Good. I was hoping you would!”

Eddie choked on his tongue. “You set me up on a blind date in hopes that I’d talk about Richie? Why?”

“Because you won’t talk about Ruh-Rich to any of us,” Bill said with a shrug, suddenly seeming disinterested. “Which is fine, I guess, since we’re all friends. I get if you don’t want to tells us what happened, or what’s going on, but you need to talk about it if you’re ever going to get over him.”

Eddie’s stomach tightened a little bit at the casual tone in his best friend’s voice. Get over him, as though Eddie was ever going to do that.  He was pretty sure that if he and Richie ever broke up, he’d just take a pledge of celibacy and maybe join a cult in the woods. As depressing as that thought was, Eddie didn’t really have any plans to be with somebody who wasn’t Richie for the rest of his life. He’s known that since he was thirteen years old.

“Yeah, well.” Eddie shook his head, glancing sideways as his phone light up with a text alert from Richie. His heart beat sped up, realizing that it meant Stan and Patty were likely gone and he was in the clear to sneak over- as soon as he could get away from Bill. “Casting me into a date with Walmart Brand Richie who you’d told how great Richie was to the point where he thinks you’re a little bit in love with him definitely got us talking about Richie Tozier.”

Bill just laughed. “If I were going to go down on any rocking twink in this school, it would be Richie for sure. No offense, Ed.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw. “Yeah, okay. Well, I’m going to go out and-“

“Wait!” Bill jumped up, making a mad grab for Eddie’s phone. Eddie dove for it first, making quick work of swiping away Richie’s text notification. “Since you’re coming to terms with Richie and you being over, you nuh-nuh-need to download Tinder.”

Eddie shot his brows up under his hair light and his mouth dropped open slightly. “I’m not fucking doing that!”

“Come on, Eddie,” Bill sighed. “You’ve literally only ever had sex with Richie, you gotta get ouh-ouh-out there! Get some kno-knotches in your bed-bedpost!”

Eddie was pretty sure his actual stomach churned in that moment. “You’re disgusting, that’s not fucking happening. I have to go.” Eddie grabbed his phone and attempted to make a mad dash to the door, trying to ignoring Bill’s shouts of “juh-just think about it!” as he dodged out the door. He ran most of the way to Richie’s dorm, realizing as he stood outside the door that he didn’t actually read Richie’s text and had absolutely no idea if Stan was in there or not. Realizing that in this moment, with Bill’s suggestion of going out and getting laid by somebody who wasn’t Richie ringing in his mind, Eddie didn’t care if Stan was there or not. He’d exposed them willingly right now, even knowing that Richie would never let him live it down if it happened.

He knocked once, hearing Richie call for him to come in, and quickly tumbled into the room. Richie looked up from his textbook and his face, slamming the book shut and jumping to his feet. Eddie’s heart flipping inside his chest as he watched Richie stumble a little bit in his exactment and he couldn’t hold back the little happy noise that rumbled out of his throat. He slammed the dorm door shut behind him and launched himself at his boyfriend, leaping into Richie’s waiting arms and clutching his legs tightly around Richie’s waist the moment his feet left the ground. Sure, maybe Richie stumbled immediately and ended up flat on his back on the bed but Eddie wouldn’t have expected anything else.

Eddie pulled away from Richie’s neck and could only stare down at this face for a moment before his breath hitched and leaned in to press a kiss to Richie’s nose. “Fuck, this is such bullshit. Bill is an asshole.”

Richie’s over excited grin dropped to a look of concern in a single second. One of the hands that were wrapped around Eddie’s waist came up to cup Eddie’s cheek. “What happened, babe? If that fucking news letter bitch did something to you, I swear to fuck-“

“No,” Eddie chuckled wetly. “No, Jake was fine, he… he was nice, you know? We mostly just talked about you.”

“Were you telling him what an amazing dick he’d have to live up to?” Richie asked cockily, but there was a look of insecurity in his eyes that made Eddie’s heart sink. “Because I’ve been working real hard on making sure your dick only reacts to mine, so this Jake dude can just-“

“Chill, Rich,” Eddie laughed, leaning back to rest his head on Richie’s chest. He could feel Richie’s heart beating, a little fast, a little frantically and it made Eddie’s blood rush. “I guess Bill really upsold how great you are because he wanted me to talk about you. Guess he’s worried about how I don’t seem to be accepting our break up, or some bullshit.”

Richie ran his nails up and down Eddie’s spine, in the way he knew so well made Eddie’s skin break out in goosebumps and his blood boil. “Stan’s all worried about me, too. You should have heard him trying to convince me to come stay with Patty’s parents this weekend, like he thinks I’m going to off myself the second he leaves campus or some shit. Fucking ridiculous.”

Eddie rubbed small circles into Richie’s chest, feeling his boyfriend’s breath catch. “Bill wants me to download Tinder. Thinks I need to have some one night stand to get over you.”

Richie went stiff underneath him, silence ringing through the spared space for too long. Eddie’s heart was beating so fast now, he truly feared it might pop right out of him. “Are you going to? Download Tinder, I mean… I know you aren’t going hook up with anybody, obviously.”

Eddie sat up slightly, resting both hands on Richie’s chest and dropping his chin down on top of them. “Bill told me to think about it, but honestly? The mere thought of it makes me feel disgusting. Like going on that date was bad enough, you know? I already know I’ll never be with anybody except you, so I don’t… I can’t say you’re the only person I’ve ever dated anymore.” Eddie’s voice hitched and Richie’s fingers pushed through his hair.

“Hey, hey, no.” Richie’s eyes were soft in a way they only ever were when Eddie knew he seemed breaking vulnerable. When Richie felt safe to be just as open and emotional. “One stupid blind date that I pretty much fucking told you to go now does not count, alright? We’ve only ever dated each other, and it’s always going to be that way, okay? Fuck anything else.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Eddie said. “You’re not the one who went on the date.”

Richie hummed. “Would you feel better if I did go on one? If we both go on stupid dates that we both know don’t count, then maybe it won’t bother you so much that you did it.”

Eddie bit his lip. Would that make him feel better? Eddie’s original instincts said No, absolutely not. Richie going out on a date with some stranger would certainly only make Eddie feel worse about this whole thing, but then he came to a pause. One of his favourite things about his relationship with Richie was that since the beginning they’d experienced all the same things, and in truth- his issue with having gone on this date wasn’t so much that he’d gone on a date with somebody else… it was that Richie never had.

“Honestly? It might.” Eddie said a little wishfully, staring up at Richie with his biggest puppy eyes. “If you’d be comfortable with it, I think I’d be okay with it. One date, like I did.”

“I’d do anything for you, baby,” Richie assure him, pressing a singular soft kiss to Eddie’s lips.

Eddie smiled, nosing at the side of Richie’s face. “Kay, but I’m not downloading Tinder. Fuck that.”

Richie chuckled and reached down to squeezed Eddie’s hips. “Good. Because if some random dude sends you a dick of his dick, I really don’t think my ego could handle it.”

Eddie let out a small hum, leaning back so he and Richie were pressed together nose to nose. He let his eyes drop to Richie’s lips, knowing how it drove his boyfriend crazy when it did. “Okay, but can we have sex now or?” Eddie didn’t need to say another word before Richie was pushing up on his elbows to press their lips together.

#reddie #reddie fic #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it fanfiction #my writing #when tomorrows comes #re-posting bc i checked mobile and it wasn't :) in :) the :) tag :) #here's to hoping!

[inkth]

cream of the crop pt. 1

pairing → mygxreader

genre → angst (in future parts), fluff

warnings → for this part, there are no warnings

word count → 6.6k

okAY so fyi this is unedited for now and i might come back to switch certain things up but oh my god in bon voyage there was a part where yoongi got a strawberry milkshake and i stg this was in my wip waaaay before that so when i saw the gif i think i wailed a bit bc he made it literally canon my friends!!!! hope u enjoy this guys im chwishfsdkfhl

Yoongi just wanted a god damn strawberry milkshake to release work stress. not to be grabbed by the arm by a stranger begging him to role play as some perfect boyfriend or another.

There are a variety of absurd experiences Min Yoongi has been unfortunate enough to cross within his current lifetime.

Thinking back, there was that time Yoongi picked up the phone to his childhood best friend Kim Namjoon, who thought he was being robbed by foreigners on the side of the street at one in the afternoon, and frantically asked Yoongi to please come save him by the way its the sidewalk on 44th street bring a gun!

“What kind of fucking robbers let you make a phone call, dumbass?” Yoongi barked into the phone, pretty upset that his afternoon nap was interrupted by some nonsensical disturbance.

“Oh shit Yoongi, you’re probably right,” Namjoon exhales and stays on the phone with him though, as he tries to solve the mystery of the tourists who just wanted to let Namjoon know that he had dropped a couple bills. They were discreetly carrying knives because they were opening a wood carving stand a block over, Namjoon explained later. Yoongi was quite the unamused listener.

There was another time in his already awfully long life when Yoongi himself was found caught in the middle of a fight between a Minecraft gamer and a ballerina carrying a flower vase, but that was a long story where it finally ended with him being released from custody as soon as the police had determined his innocence.

Or that other glitch in his simulation of a life when he had to bring nine cats home with him after work. Yoongi never knew he had a cat allergy, but he learned it the hard way that night as he sneezed so hard for so long till he couldn’t hear anything out of his ears.

So when Yoongi is feeling something in the air tickle his nugget of a brain that he should skip his ritual milkshake tonight and head on home right away to avoid whatever this coming disturbance is, Yoongi does what Yoongi does best, and he ignores his intuition because who cares, what Yoongi wants is his McFreaking milkshake.

Everything goes smoothly. Yoongi successfully orders a milkshake at the bar. He successfully receives the right order. He successfully starts to drink the milkshake in the quiet serenity of two am on a Monday. 

But then he fails to leave as soon as she comes in the door, the same girl who legitimately flings the entrance open like some wild animal and he is so horrified he can’t look away from this scene and makes the mistake of meeting your gaze.

The damage is done, however. He knows you’ve selected him as your prey among the barren tables save for one lady picking up fries togo and the waitress staring at you in fear.

“Lady, please get off me,” he groans, pulling your fingers off his biceps as if they’re blood hungry leeches. His arm is free for maybe a second before your fingers fly back, grip stronger than before and this time Yoongi really can’t do much with just the one tired, exhausted hand; the one that isn’t holding the milkshake glass. 

He’s whispering a string of curses and damnations at One Week Ago Yoongi for slacking with working out. Or any of his past Yoongis, really. He rests his head on the tips of his fingers, weighing down on his elbow angled onto the table.

“You don’t understand,” you wheeze dramatically, eyes round with terror. Uh, hello? I don’t care enough to understand, Yoongi mentally comments. “My parents, they-“

Sure, you might’ve been exaggerating everything a little, but what’s a little show and extravagance when your damn life is on the line? A matter of life and death knows no tranquility.

He looks at you half lidded; boredom and ‘are you really still talking to me Ican’tbelievetheaudacity’ washing over his face doing a whole awful lot to create a grave aura around him. You can physically see the deathly ash gray energy come off him in waves like something from an anime.

At this point, Yoongi’s thinking he might just ditch you, make a run for it to never see your crazy ass again and the idea is so tempting but instead, he responds. He’s not too sure why, although it’s probably ‘cause he’s paid an awful lot for this deliciously overpriced milkshake that has yet to be completely consumed. But the fact of the matter is he does respond, even thought you’re clearly not in the right state of mind and he really should be telling you to go home.

“Listen, they’re not gunna care if your boyfriend’s a bum. It’s your life anyways, why would they care?” Yoongi notices he’s got about another sip or two of his milkshake and then he can hightail it outta this joint and a certain spazz grabbing onto him.

You let go of his arm, thinking maybe you came off a little too strong and run your hands over your hair to pat down the flyaways contributing to the messy, crazed look.

“Now, I really absolutely must get going… miss,” Yoongi has finished his drink with a content sigh, a little disappointed that the experience was partially ruined with your improv tug of war, but content nonetheless. “Don’t worry, I’ll go ahead and take care of your water,” he reassures you dryly and stands up from the bar’s long legged chair, grabbing his expensive leather jacket. The best purchase he’s ever made in his life, he tends to overshare this fact to anything or anyone with two ears and legs, seeing as how he wears it everyday through wind, rain and the scorching heat.

Your eyes flash in one last lunge of desperation and your integrity flies out the window and disappears into the sky like a balloon. Floating away… peacefully, gone forever till all that’s left is your soulless body embarrassing yourself like this on a Monday at two am.

“Please,” you choke out one last time and sincerity taints your voice, everything you’ve depended on relying on this thin line of his consent. 

There’s something about it that Yoongi finds himself hesitating for as his mind reels from the way your fingers grip the end of his jacket sleeve. 

“I really, truly only need your help for a couple days. I-I’ll even pay you.”

Your eyes dart to the floor from his face with your final push, unable to face rejection one last time from help you so ridiculously need. His body halts, and with this, you take it as a sign for your fingers to relax and stop holding his like some child refusing to let go of their lollipop. 

There’s one thing the weary should know, and it’s that one specific thing hits a chord with Min Yoongi that makes him who he is.

“Shit.”

Hana looks up at you in what seemed like concern and a bit of ‘damn, you live like this?’ tainting her face. You keep going back and forth between looking down at your most recent message on your phone and up to her face, still contorted in confusion unable to face the reality that is your life right now.

You’re not okay, this can’t be happening — everything you had worked up for up until this point, only to be destroyed by your parents’ wrath would be the endgame for your life. You need to lie down and forget this day even happened.

“Are you, okay?” She can’t help but emphasize the ‘okay’ with leaning her head in a tilt.

“Hana,” you squeak out, hands pressed against your eyes till you see stars. It’s late, you’re braincell-less from such last minute studying and you’re absolutely, completely fucked. And not in the nice way you normally would want to be.

“My parents are coming over and want to meet Jungkook.”

Hana lets out a strangled gurgle of terror from the back of her throat as she runs her hands through her dark hair and crawls over to you to peer at your phone screen. Now that she knows you’re fucked, you want to throw your phone out the window and run away. Or just throw yourself out the window. You stand up from your sitting position on the floor and take deep breaths counting to ten and back again.

“Oh my god,” she whispers. “You’re screwed.”

You twist your face and tell her, “Thank you so very much for the vote of confidence! I’ll just have to remember that while trying to explain everything to my parents.”

Hana’s pained smile emits an apologetic vibe as she continues to voice her thoughts. “Damn. Seriously though… what’re you gonna do, I mean. You still have… two days?”

“I don’t even know anymore,” you wail, falling back to the floor and hoping it’ll somehow open up, and take your body into the recesses of the earthy ground. “Is a day or two even enough time for him to come back from that trip?”

“Wait, you mean you would have your parents actually meet him?” Hana looks over at you incredulously. “Like, we’re talking about your boyfriend Jeon Jungkook, right?”

Backtrack – So, okay, yes maybe you had a few flaws. One of them was the fact that you were maybe a little too prideful. As in it’d physically pain you for your parents to know that your boyfriend was a bum who did absolutely nothing.

You had lied to your parents from the very beginning, pulling off the scam with a few explanations here and there saying, “Oh, no he’s too shy. He won’t take pictures!” when your parents wanted to see who this guy was. The occasional “He can’t meet up with us because he’s studying for his very big exam haha you know how these studious nerds are sorry!”

You wince from her tone, speaking as if he’s a demon sent from hell, and start collecting strands of your hair to comb through with worry.

“I mean, if he were here I could play him up as the guy I made him out to be,” you mused. “They don’t even know what he looks like. Probably think he’s afraid of cameras, poor baby.”

Hana looks slightly revolted from your gently verbalized “uwu” and snaps her fingers to garner your attention back onto the matter at hand.

“Wait- I,” you sat back up, all the blood rushing this way and that causing a weird feeling to consume you and you see black for a good three seconds before it dissipates. “Don’t judge me for what I’m about to say.”

“Done,” Hana nods. “I live with you and judge you enough already.”

You look at her unimpressed, lips curled into an unamused smile.

“How about I get a fake boyfriend? Like, right now?”

Hana doesn’t even know where to begin she laughs because she thinks you’re literally joking but then stops when she knows you’re not. “Uh, you do realize it is two am, Y/N. Where are you planning on going to look for an accomplice to role play your perfect boyfriend?”

“Honestly speaking, I’ll probably have to go to a bar or something.” Just saying this out loud was enough to acknowledge that you yourself were not thinking straight.

“You’re just going to walk into a bar and pick up the first dude you lay eyes on is what you’re implying…” Hana trails off, as she begins to re-evaluate the situation. “Are you okay?”

“No,” you sigh, brushing off your jeans as you stand up. “But this is my only option.”

“Well, you could always tell the truth to your mom and dad. You don’t have to be so full of it, Y/N. And listen, you’re 20 going on 21… how much longer are you going to hide this from your parents? You’re literally an adult.”

You frown and start walking out of the room, grabbing a jacket before you head outside and to the car. “I’m not full of it,” you defend your poor self. “I just need my parents to think I’m living my best life with the best boyfriend so they don’t rub in how they were right all this time or whatever overprotective shit they wanna pull on me.”

Hana holds up her hands as an act of surrendering and picks up your phone from the floor to hand it to you. Before it’s passed off however, a pinging sounds and she calls out the notification.

“Your mom texted you to say–“ Hana squints from how dark your phone’s lighting is. “They’re actually planning on starting to drive over tonight and should make it here by tomorrow evening?”

You start to panic, countless thoughts crashing the calm of your mind like stormy waves as you start to assess your problem at hand. You need to find a fake boyfriend, said fake boyfriend must learn what must be learned about you and said fake boyfriend will need to do a good enough job to keep your parents away forever and hopefully this will work because you don’t know what you’ll do the next time your parents come to “check up” on you because they think something’s fishy with this hypothetical fake boyfriend.

You let out what sounds like something between a sob and a groan as you snatch the phone from Hana’s hands and run out of the house, debating between driving to the nearest diner or running away from home.

See, the problem with your parents were that they were overbearing to the point that they even hated the fact you decided to attend college out of state. Mind them, it was only one state away, but it did absolutely nothing to soothe their constant fretting over your wellbeing and life. You were fed up with the relentlessly strict parental control and went crazy in college – finally dating, drinking and partying – although it was still at a good minimum.

To expose to your parents that you were dating an undecided major who spent the money he could scrounge around for on video games was a one-way ticket to hell so in order to save face and keep up the façade that you in fact were living your best life possible, you dreamt up of the littlest, white lie.

Your boyfriend was a perfect boy. One grade above you, one his way to graduating as a summa cum laude. He had an internship and was already guaranteed a job after college as a biomedical engineering major. You painted the perfect picture so you could present yourself in the best way possible to your parents.

The way your hard work was about to be shattered by the way so many coincidences piled on top of each other was a bit frustrating to say the least. You weren’t sure how you kept this a secret for so long and frankly, how your parents didn’t doubt you from the start but now they believed him to be a camera shy, facetime shy boy that only spent his time studying.

You didn’t even want to start on the numerous occasions you and Jungkook had ended a night fighting because of this ridiculous situation, that sure, you put yourselves in. You weren’t sure why you did this, but of course it wasn’t because you were too prideful.

Yoongi never lets money slip out of his hands. Call him frugal, call him thrifty, he doesn’t care. He just knows that if it’s worth the price, he’ll do it.

“Fine. I’ll do this. But I want cash and I want half of the end amount right now,” he knows he’s being demanding and it does look like you reek of eau de poor college student but with the request you’re making, he thinks it’s only fair.

You look teeny tiny and exhausted from the way you crumple your body on the seat next to him and it’s annoying how much work you’re going through because of a simple lie, but you can’t back out now. The way you’ve been explaining the situation to him is really making you sound a little crazy but hey, you’re only human and this isn’t the weirdest situation Yoongi has ever been in.

“How is this even going to work?” Yoongi looks at you as if you haven’t thought this far ahead. “Haven’t they seen his face? Is he even okay with this? Are you running a scam show? If this turns out to be a mess, I want no part of the repercussions.” He squints at you and crosses his arms, eyeing you suspiciously.

“I’m not stupid,” you roll your eyes and scrunch your face from irritation. “They’ve never seen pictures or anything of his face. I’m thankful my boyfriend doesn’t have social media, but I mean, even if he did my parents are technologically inept, anyways.”

“This is so extra, this is like, almost kind of idiotically stupid,” with a snort, Yoongi continues to doubt you. “I can’t believe I agreed to this. You better pay me the remaining amount as soon as this shit’s done. I’ve got things to do.”

“I’m sure you have so much stuff to do concerning your things,” you bite back and have to hold steady the urge to punch his weak looking noodle arm. Just keep thinking about how grateful you are that this sort of handsome spawn of the devil is agreeing to save your ass and livelihood.

He huffs and has the audacity to look offended, loosely crossing his arms across his chest. “Whatever, run this by me again.”

“Okay,” you sigh. You nearly teeter off the edge of the stool from sleepiness, an untouched glass of water in front of you and you watch the droplets trickle down the sides of the condensating cup. “My name is Y/N and yours is Jeon Jungkook. I’m 20 and you’re 21…”

You start to list off factual information and the details get a little blurry as they re-enter his mind because now it’s almost 3:20 in the morning and Yoongi just wanted a fucking milkshake but now it’s like he’s in college all over again, cramming all the notes and tidbits of information he can into his mind to purge it in five hours on the dreadful test. Even though Yoongi’s suffering, he starts noticing these things about you that’s definitely a little confusing to him and gets him a little worked up but in all the right ways.

He pays attention to the way when you laugh you move to cover your mouth with your hand, it’s kind of endearing. Sure, he’ll admit he thought you were pretty behind the air of desperation and super strange vibes you let out when you first marched into the door. Like, perhaps very pretty. He’s not sure but it might be something to do with the shape of your eyes and the pink of your lips. But the tendency you have to tilt your head when you smile is something that Yoongi starts noticing too and–

Yoongi catches himself thinking these thoughts that are so out of bounds and unnecessarily loud. It’s okay, he mentally argues. These are fake boyfriend feelings and it is late. I am exhausted, I don’t know what I am talking about.

And there you have it folks. Yoongi solves this problem of the Case of Weird Emotions with a simple answer. He’s just a really good fucking actor and can get into character so well that he starts thinking the way his character would. That’s all. And now Yoongi is mentally punching himself because he sounds really fucking weird. And fuck, he needs to stop cursing because he needs to be a well polished, dapper, perfect boyfriend.

He shudders and you see it, not because you’ve been looking at him but because he does it in a really obvious way that calls for attention in your peripheral vision.

“Are you alright?” You ask warily, eyeing him because what if he’s having a spasm attack holy shit?

Yoongi grunts with his absurdly deep voice and says, “Yeah, go on.”

“I wish we had more time,” you whine, rubbing your probably bloated face with sweater paws and something tickles Yoongi’s heart from the way you look and speak although he does his best to ignore it.

“It’s okay, I’ll remember this, I’m pretty sure… let’s just try and come up with a code word or something for me. Like, if I don’t know something I’ll say or do something and you’ll cover for me.”

You nod your head and for the first time that night it seems like you really smile and it’s cute, but not cute enough to swindle Min Yoongi’s heart. Of course not.

“Do you know how to crack your fingers?” You ask after a few moments of deep contemplation.

Yoongi suddenly looks small because he’s shoving his hands in between his thighs to cover them from the cold and you almost coo as he nods his head yes.

“Great,” you look away from his figure to calm yourself. “Just do that and then I’ll fill in. That’s the signal.”

“Does this mean we’re done now?” Yoongi’s voice has gotten raspy over the span of time you’ve spent with him because of how he spent most of it just listening to you and barely opened his mouth.

“I dunno,” you nervously gnaw on your lower lip, another habit Yoongi has picked up on fondly. Or not fondly, not at all… at least only fondly with fake boyfriend feelings. “I’m really not sure how this is going to turn out. Thankfully my friend is going to stay at a friend’s house to avoid more possible complications.”

“Alright then, give me a call tomorrow morning and I’ll get over to your place by two in the afternoon.”

You shake your head, “No, come earlier. We need as much time as possible to go over this. Remember? They’re arriving sometime that night.”

Yoongi groans from the revolting sentence he has just been forced to hear and he cries, “But I can’t! You’ve kept me up for this long evil lady, I should’ve been in bed falling asleep hours ago!”

“I’m sorry,” you feebly offer. “But I really need to nail in a lot more with you.”

Yoongi grumbles a wide variety of things under his breath comprised of but not limited to, “You’re lucky you’re cute”, “Fuck, I need a good ten hours of sleep to retain all this information, though” and “Damn it, I want my money”.

“Fine– 11 is the earliest I’ll be there. And are you sure you’re okay with giving me your freaking address? You’re going to let a stranger know where you live and you’re fine with it,” Yoongi lowers his tone towards the last bit in uncertainty.

“I’ll be fine because my roommate is a police force trainee who has armed me with a panic button along with pepper spray. You’ve been warned,” you wiggle your brows. “Plus you’re my fake boyfriend and you want the money. I’ll see you tomorrow at eleven.”

You both get up from your chairs, leaving cash tips and Yoongi’s expression changes into one of respect and newfound admiration.

“Duly noted,” he chuckles as he holds the door open for you to walk through, the brisk, autumnal air enveloping you.

Outside in the parking lot you head towards your car and see only a couple other vehicles, one of them being a motorcycle and you don’t think twice about it till Yoongi is waving goodbye to you as he walks in the direction of it.

“Wait,” you call out and Yoongi immediately halts, turning to face you with an expectant raise of his brow. “That’s your ride?” You point at the motorcycle.

He smirks and shoves his hands into his leather jacket as deep black as the galaxy and his hair swirls around from the wind above his twinkling eyes.

“Isn’t she beautiful?”

You groan, wondering if you have enough money to fork up however much it would cost to rent a car. You’re pretty sure you don’t, but if it’s for this boy, the best you could pick out on a quiet Monday morning at two, the cream of the crop, you’ve really got no other choice.

You just hope this cream of the crop has a license to drive a car.

The next morning you wake up at eight, sitting up in your plush bed as memories of last night flood your mind in horror. Restless sleep tightened your neck through the night, stress eating away at you and your ability to sleep peacefully.

You groan, peeking at your alarm clock and take a deep breath before you whip your hair out of your face and harden your resolve by sheer will. You pull of the covers and step out of your room, trailing for the kitchen in order to brew yourself some deeply needed coffee.

“Coffee first,” you mumble. Priorities.

Hana is sitting in the living room, a mug on the coffee table in front of her. She looks up as soon as she sees you enter from the short hallway.

“Mornin’ sunshine, there’s some coffee left for you,” she chippers cheerfully. “You got up pretty early. You’re meeting the man of the hour soon, right?”

“Meh, don’t remind me,” you grumble, shuffling into the kitchen and from the coffee machine, you see her kick her slippers off and finish the last of her homework. You pour the still hot liquid holy grail into your Totoro mug and start to mix in cream and sugar seeing as how you’re not as abhorrent as Hana with her love of black coffee.

“But damn, you were just a wreck last night,” Hana teases. “I can’t believe you really got someone to do something this crazy for a girl they just met.”

“It was the money,” you point out, sipping the first few tastes of coffee. It needs a bit more sugar. “I’m so fucken exhausted! Listen, I don’t even have that kind of money to pay him.” You can hear your stash of hidden cash for emergencies underneath your drawer already crying for help. This could qualify as an emergency, you doubtfully suppose.

Hana is still recovering from the surprise of hearing your insane plan worked, even if she found out last night. You remember how you entered the house, satisfied with how quote on quote smoothly the ordeal went even if you were about to be $600 short on money and stressfully sleep deprived the next morning. Hana walked out of her room with sleepy eyes and a bit of bedhead to you getting ready for bed so early in the morning, although she gained a bit of consciousness after hearing how your plan had indeed, succeeded.

Now that it’s the morning and your adrenaline rush had bled away and you’re in a clearer state of mind, doubt starts to trickle in and you are wondering what in hell you were thinking in the first place. You shake the thoughts away and focus on the task at hand.

“I’ll be getting out of the house soon,” Hana comments, starting to pack up whatever textbooks and notes she’ll need for the next day or two.

“You’re the amazingest,” you gratefully smile at her and try to convey your upmost sincerity. As best you could, at least.

“Yes,” she agrees mindlessly. “I am, aren’t I? I am so amazing—so amazing that I am literally leaving the apartment that I share with you for you and the stranger to bond and learn how to role play as lovers. It sounds crazy, I know, but here we are.”

Your smile fades away as you look at her in playful disbelief. “Go to your room, pack your granny underwear and your granny clothes, and leave this household!”

Hana scrunches her nose in distaste, “They’re not granny clothes! They’re retro! And thongs or whatever strip of fabric you claim are underwear are so uncomfortable, literally leavemealonegoodnightDevil!”

You laugh as she prances to her room to stuff her duffle bag full of clothes she’ll need in order to survive for the time she’s gone and you glance at the clock to see it read 8:30, and you go off to your room to get ready for the very. Incredibly. Extremely, long day ahead.

It is at ten that you have finished cleaning up your room, taken a quick shower and waved off Hana out of the home you two share. You walk back inside after seeing her depart safely promising to text you when she arrives, even though it’s the daytime and she’s just a good ten feet away, you never know what could happen. Even if she’s almost a police officer. 

Which, speaking of, she has reminded you countlessly about, telling you to pass on the message that she will personally come to fuck him up if anything happens to you. You appease her with saying you will, but you sure as hell don’t plan on doing so. 

Closing the door, you sigh deeply and it leaves you a little lightheaded as you lean your back against the door.

“Oh, shit.”

It hits you then that this is really happening. Like, your idiotic plan your brain thought up of that you thought was foolproof was really happening. There were so many holes that could expose you in a second and the thought of you being ousted in front of your parents tugged at your pride riddled mind.

The anxiety twitches your fingers as you pull up your phone and it leaves you staring at his message from last night.

yoongi: see u at 10:30

You forget he suddenly promised an earlier time at the last minute and you reckon you’ve got yourself about twenty or so minutes for him to show up at your door. It’s enough time for you to beat your face with makeup and put on some presentable clothes.

At 10:30 sharp he arrives at the door and it catches you by surprise because he doesn’t seem to be an advocate for timeliness. You tug down at your cropped sweater one last time before you open the door to see Yoongi in all his slightly bloated, freshly showered glory.

He looks a bit nervous, seeing as how he kept worrying over this very situation he should never have gotten himself into over the night not to mention what if you sent him the wrong address. Yoongi’s eyes flit from your face to the room behind you but he manages to keep his jittery 

“Hey,” you sigh in relief. “Thank goodness you’re here. And thanks for coming so early.”

Yoongi loses a bit of the nervousness in his system and seems a bit more relaxed than he was when you first met him, probably because he’s gotten a better grip of his surroundings than last night, when he was completely hit with a curveball. In the face. At 500 miles per hour. In the form of you. HIs face loses the tension in the muscles and his lips take on a nonchalant smile. You also notice he’s wearing the same leather jacket as last night and you wonder if he has anything else available to wear.

“No worries,” he says in that gruff voice of his but he clears his throat quickly and yeah, you notice he’s still pretty high strung. This whole tribulation is probably a first for him too.

“Come on in,” you gesture inside, and make space for him to make through. Not that he needed much anyways being the tiny man he is.

“Alright,” he mutters, stepping into the apartment and slipping off his shoes. He doesn’t really pay attention to the apartment anymore but rather your outfit. You wearing sweatpants that still hug your legs and figure looks really good with the bit of skin exposed under the hem of your cropped Adidas sweater and Oh my God shut up, he scolds his train of thought.

It’s just that psychology of attraction at first sight, or whatever. Sure, it’s not his first time meeting you, sure, but you two have only recently met. Yoongi is certain he is a man of strong will. He would never let himself start feelings these things for someone who is already in a relationship.

He tears his gaze away from you before you can notice his burning stare and starts to run his eyes over the layout.

“Well,” you laugh strangely, trying to cover your skittishness. “This is where I live. I guess we can run over what we talked about last night over there on the couch.”

You point at the black sofa and Yoongi nods, walking over to sit down stiffly.

“Did you want something to drink?” You ask, noticing the way he stays pretty quiet. This won’t do. Your fake boyfriend is a great conversationalist.

“No, I’m fine, let’s just go over what we have to. I don’t wanna mess up…” Yoongi trails off and a hint of concern tinges his voice as you smile.

“Sounds good,” you agree.

“Okay, first things first,” you start reciting the basics as you are sat next to him. Yoongi does a really good job of staying on task at first, he swears. He’s listening intently but all of a sudden he’s thinking about how sweet and pretty your voice is and next thing he knows he’s thinking about how hard it is to just even meet your gaze, because your eyes are just such a wonderful outlet of all your emotions it’s really hard to meet them and not just go on and dive into the pool that is you and then—

“We might have to gel your hair back,” you muse softly and Yoongi is shaken out of his schoolboy crush-like trance.

“Fuck no. No,” Yoongi is firm with his decision, holding his hand out to emphasize his stance. “The forehead stays covered.”

You can’t help but let out a laugh as you cover your mouth with your hand and say, “Fine.”

Yoongi notices once again how you have a habit of doing that when laughing and he hates how it’s pretty adorable. 

“How did you get here, anyways?” You ask suddenly. “Not with your bike, I hope…?”

Yoongi grins at you and you notice that he’s one of those gummy grinners and it does a little something to you but you avoid it at all costs and swallow it down.

“I Ubered here,” he said simply. “I figured I could say my car’s in the shop if your parents ask.”

You widen your eyes and nod in approval. “Brilliant! That’s really good Yoongi, thank God I don’t have to pay for a rent a car.”

“Speaking of payment,” Yoongi is reminded of your debt to him at the passing mention of money but is glowing from your praise. “Need I say more? Don’t worry about the Uber fee, I won’t be holding those against you, call it service.”

“How kind of you,” you grimace, hearing the cries of your emergency money once more, as you tell him to stay put. “I’ll be right back with half of it.”

When you count out 300 and carefully tuck the rest away, you turn around to walk out only to see Yoongi peering in your door, arms crossed and looking quite interested.

You jump at the sudden intrusion-like non-intrusion and scowl, asking, “What are you doing here? You scared me shitless and you’re very lucky I didn’t shriek.”

He shrugged, tousling his dark hair from his eyes and replied, “If I’m gonna be your fake boyfriend, I should know what your room looks like. As your fake boyfriend, of course.”

You groan and tell him, “Get a good, quick look around, because here’s your money and now we’re leaving.” You slap the wad of cash onto his unsuspecting palm and push his shoulders out the door.

“I know you kind of know me because of all the information I might’ve been burning into your mind the past 24 hours about yours truly, but I barely know a thing about you and we’re really acquaintences at best, still.”

Yoongi lets you lead him out of the hall into the living room and with a quick look at your lockscreen, you see that it’s still only 11:14. He stuffs the money in the back pocket of his jeans, which fit him quite nicely around the thigh area, if you may say so yourself. 

“Fine,” he mutters and you barely catch it with your already dull hearing.

“What’s fine?” You ask, sitting down on the sofa as he takes a seat as well.

“I said, fine. What do you wanna know about me?” He asks, finding interest in the boring coffee table.

“Uh,” you trail off, unprepared for this kind of a question. “Wait, do I want to know more about you? I should be thinking of you as my boyfriend Jungkook, putting history and information behind you would make it too easy for me to differentiate…”

Yoongi rolls his eyes with a condescending sigh that you somehow know isn’t very genuine. “Just ask three things about me, so we’re not complete strangers,” he offers a compromising deal.

You let it sit with you for a second. If you made a slip up would you be able to recover? It was already hard enough, calling him Yoongi—already so hard enough that it was weird to remind yourself you’d have to be calling him Jungkook in a few hours. Eh, screw it.

“Where do you work?” You ask your first question tentatively.

“I work as a part time server for now,” he replies as if it’s something of a bother. “At the barbecue place downtown.” You have a brief idea of where it is, having passed by it a few times while you were in the vicinity.

“Alright,” you huffed. “What’s your other part time?”

Yoongi looks a bit confused at first with the way you worded it, but he catches on quickly seeing as how he’s got a fast train of thought.

“Oh, yeah. You remember my bike? I wanna go into autotech service. Or something like that, like engineering,” he vocalizes his thoughts and grows a bit red.

“That’s really awesome,” you smile at him and he grows comforted by the idea of you approving his passion. Although he shouldn’t be so—

“Do you have a girlfriend?” This question takes you back by surprise too, and you swear it was a slip of your tongue.

“I—“ Yoongi wasn’t ready, didn’t even think you were one bit interested in his love life but he answers directly. “No.”

For some reason you like hearing that answer, something like satisfaction burns at your tongue and heart and you don’t understand why when you have a perfectly cute boyfriend named Jeon Jungkook (the real one) you can call yours.

“Sorry, I didn’t know where that came from,” you giggle nervously.

Yoongi brushes it off and breathes evenly. He’s not sure why he’s worked up uncomfortably like this and he wants to skip to the part where this is all over and he goes back to moping around, living out his normal, daily routine.

We are acquaintances, he keeps reminding himself.

You two end up talking about yourselves a bit more, because pictures of your dog reminds him of his dog and from there the conversation flows a little too perfectly because now you’re intrigued by the mystery that is Min Yoongi and you want to know more and everything about him. This goes on for the next six hours and it’s filled with so much talking and laughing and you’ve even cooked up lunch because oh my goodness you found ingredients to make pancakes.

Then dawn rolls around as if it’s only been a mere thirty minutes and to be honest, it feels likes you know Min Yoongi more than your own boyfriend Jeon Jungkook.

You shake that last thought off, startled from the way you so abruptly stated that. Internally, of course. 

Yoongi’s barely opened his mouth to ask you another question when-

The doorbell rings and it echoes throughout the inside of your home and holy shit it feels so intimidating and loud and Yoongi just isn’t ready, but can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now if he’s this scared of what’s to come. 

You glance at him almost as if you’re seeking refuge in someone’s comfort so he grits his teeth a bit because between the two of you, he realizes he’s got to stay the rock.

Yoongi narrows his eyes until they resemble somewhat to a feline’s. He’s the rock.

And not just in the Dwayne Johnson sort of way.

oooooookay oh my goodness this is unedited but i wanted it off my shoulders before i got to work so here this is please enjoy but send me feedback or anything you'd like through my inbox thanks!!!

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