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alwaysmicado · 6 months

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Trouble

5.3k | 18+ MDNI | fwb!Joel Miller x f!reader | pt. 5

Warnings: no outbreak AU, implied age gap, D/s dynamic, rough oral (m receiving), spitting, cum eating, leg humping, degradation/praise, humiliation kink, pet names, aftercare, feelings Summary: After you’ve distracted Joel from work with your explicit texts all day, he decides to teach you a lesson. A/N: Consensual degradation & humiliation – my beloved. This one's for you if you're into unadulterated filth with feelings sprinkled on top hehe. Let me know what you think, I love hearing your thots! 🤍

pt. 1 ・ pt. 2 ・ pt. 3 ・ pt. 4 ・ series masterlist

“You sure you got nothing else to say to me?”

“I’m—sorry?”

“No,” he tilts his head and you see the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. “But you will be when I’m done with you.”

---

“Sneaking out for a hot date?”

Busted.

You sigh and turn around to face Kristen’s triumphant grin. Beautiful Kristen. The only person at your job with a bearable personality.

If you only had Janice from accounting and her incessant yapping about her feral kids, or John from HR and his never-ending tirades against “modern women”, you probably would have burnt down the building already.

Kristen’s been your lifeline over the past two years at this job. She’s upbeat, fun, a gifted painter and the closest thing to a female friend you have.

Her only flaw: she’s so nosy it’s not even funny.

After your get-well-fuck with Joel three days ago where he left multiple marks on your neck, you not only plastered a bunch of foundation over the purple reminders of his fever-fueled nipping, you also wore a silk scarf which, in hindsight, was a dumb idea.

The first thing you were welcomed with when you came in that morning was an enthusiastic “You go, girl!” followed by giggling after Kristen saw your unimpressed face.

You shoot her a half-hearted smile and raise an eyebrow. “Who says it’s a date?”

Kristen’s grin widens. “Oh, come on! You think I don’t notice the way you giggle at your phone like a lovesick idiot?”

“Oh, shut up,” you protest in mock offense. What the hell is she talking about? You don’t do that. “I got a doctor’s appointment. Nothing hot about that,” you say nonchalantly.

Kristen leans in, lowering her voice dramatically. “A doctor, huh? Do you have an ache only he can cure with his special tool?”

“You’re a pervert, you know that?”

“Yeah, duh. That’s why you love me,” she chuckles, causing the corners of your own lips to twitch.

“Well,” she smirks, “I hope the doctor will take the best care of you.”

You roll your eyes at her teasing, grab your bag and blow her a kiss before heading out. You leave the office with a grin, reveling in the sunshine that greets you when you step out.

The warmth of the day feels refreshing against your skin as you stroll to the parking lot. Your dress, despite being a result of prolonged laundry procrastination, is surprisingly comfortable, allowing you to appreciate the light breeze that rustles its fabric.

The sun casts a golden hue on the cityscape and you can't help but smile at the small pleasures of life – the sun on your face, a staff meeting getting canceled earlier, finding twenty bucks in an old pair of jeans this morning.

Life is okay at the moment.

Despite work kicking your ass, your mother trying to guilt-trip you into coming “home” and the last hookup you had throwing you out in the middle of the goddamn night because his wife came home from her business trip early.

You’re feeling good.

One might even say you’re happy.

If only there wasn’t this nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach.

You take a deep breath and straighten your shoulders when you see your Uber pull up. Get yourself together.

The car winds through the city streets, and as you give Joel's address to the driver, you can't help but feel a flutter of anticipation. The engine hums softly as you navigate the familiar turns, presenting the perfect background to lose yourself in a daydream.

As you settle into the comfort of your bed, the world outside fades away. In the gentle embrace of your imagination, you feel a figure appear behind you. Their warmth is a soothing balm, and as they pull you close, a profound sense of security envelops you. The weight of the world, of your being lifts, replaced by the tender reassurance of this ethereal embrace.

In this imagined sanctuary, sleep finds you easily, cradled in the arms of solace. The whispered promise of warmth and safety lingers, allowing dreams to unfold like petals, undisturbed and serene in the soft glow of moonlight.

The notification sound of your phone pulls you back to reality. Glancing at the screen, you see Joel's name. You open the message and involuntarily press your thighs together, your pulse quickening instantly.

Door’s open. Get naked, then come upstairs.You’re in real trouble, angel.

---

The familiar scent of Joel’s home greets you when you step inside. It smells more like home than your apartment or any other place you’ve lived in since you were a child. Safe, warm, comforting – like its owner. And it’s a surprisingly well-decorated and welcoming home for a bachelor.

So much so that you asked him flat out if he had a wife on your first night together.

You take your shoes off and put your bag on the couch in the living room before heading to the downstairs bathroom to wash your hands and quickly check if you look presentable. Your eyes are a bit swollen from lack of restful sleep, but other than that, you’re good to go.

As you take your dress, bra and panties off, you somewhat fondly remember the last time Joel ordered you to his home because you were sending him filthy texts and photos while you both were at work.

You spent thirty minutes sitting still on his lap while he worked on his computer, his throbbing cock buried deep inside you. Every time he would shift in his chair a little, you would whimper into the crook of his neck and he would whisper into your ear how well you were doing for him and draw soothing circles on your back with his palm.

You hated and loved every torturous second of it.

The office door is open when you come upstairs. Your eyes widen when you see Joel sitting at his desk. It’s incredible how handsome he looks. He’s wearing a black t-shirt, blue gym shorts and his glasses as he’s staring at the computer and typing something with his index fingers.

Your heart starts beating faster as you take him in, the domesticity of this scene giving you an unexpectedly warm feeling deep within you.

“You just gonna stand there and stare at me?” Joel asks with a swivel of his chair, his body now facing yours. He saw you out of the corner of his eye before but now that he’s getting a good look at you, his jaw almost hits the floor.

He will never get used to seeing you naked.

“God, you’re so much more beautiful in real life,” he murmurs, his pupils blown wide and the admiration in his voice unmistakable.

You give him a satisfied smile as you lean against the doorframe. “I sure hope so,” you tease.

“Do you know why you’re here, darlin’?” Joel asks with a tilt of his head, his brow slightly furrowed.

“I’m assuming it has something to do with the silly little texts and pics I sent you to brighten up your day,” you say, feigning innocence. “Did you like them?”

“You really think now’s the time to be a brat, huh?” He chuckles and shakes his head. “Alright, then.” His eyes sparkle dangerously as he sits back in his chair and spreads his legs wider.

“You sure you got nothing else to say to me?”

“I’m—sorry?”

“No,” he tilts his head and you see the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. “But you will be when I’m done with you.”

You bite your lip as your eyes focus on the visible bulge in Joel’s shorts, and try to suppress the huge grin that’s threatening to spread across your face. This is exactly what you wanted and you both know it.

“Hands and knees, baby,” Joel orders calmly and puts his hands on his thighs. “C’mere.”

You lower yourself on all fours without hesitation and crawl towards him slowly, making sure to sway your hips and never break eye contact. Joel’s the only person you’d put yourself in such a submissive position for and you revel in the exhilarating feeling it gives you.

Joel keeps his eyes trained on you, subtly rubbing his thighs as you come closer to where he’s needed you all day. His eyes are dark and full of need as he licks his lips and follows the mesmerizing movement of your body. He likes how you, despite your brattiness, know perfectly well where your place is.

“Look at what you did,” he says, once you’re kneeling on all fours between his spread legs. He palms his throbbing cock over the fabric and your eyes widen a little, your pussy clenching around nothing.

“That's right, baby, you did this. And now you need to take responsibility for your actions.” He gently caresses your cheek, tracing your lips with his thumb.

When he presses on your lower lip, you instinctively open your mouth enough for his finger to slip inside. He presses on your tongue, admiring the feeling and your willingness to submit.

“Look at you,” he chuckles, gently rubbing his cock. “Such a little slut, always wants something in her mouth.”

He moves his thumb further along your tongue, causing you to furrow your brow and gag a little. “You couldn't help yourself, huh, just had to put on a show all day like the needy whore you are.”

He takes his thumb out of your mouth and pulls his shorts all the way down, letting them fall on the floor next to his chair. His heavy cock flops against his lower belly, causing you to swallow and part your lips instinctively. Joel smirks at your reaction, enjoying the raw need sparkling in your eyes as he strokes himself slowly.

You start squirming, pressing your thighs together to alleviate at least some of the uncomfortable ache between your legs, and let out an almost inaudible whine as Joel continuously strokes up and down his length while looking at you curiously.

He leans in and tilts your chin up, his dark eyes boring into you.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” He asks softly, feigning concern. He looks from you to his cock and back, raising an eyebrow. “All of this just because you’re a pathetic little cockslut with nothing else in her dumb little head than my cock. Isn’t that right, angel?”

You nod slowly, your lips slightly parted, hypnotized by Joel’s big eyes and filthy words.

“Use your words, slut,” he growls, gripping the back of your neck to tilt your head up even more.

“I just—wanted you so bad, I–”

“Aww, of course you did,” he teases you, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Tell me your safeword, angel.”

He looks into your eyes intently as you say it out loud, then puts a soft kiss on your lips. You whimper when he withdraws, the feeling of his warm lips lingering.

“Open up,” he orders with a tap of his fingers to your bottom lip. “Stick your tongue out for me.”

You obey and do as he says, looking into his eyes expectantly. You watch in awe and pure need as the thick glob of saliva makes its way down from Joel’s mouth and lands on the back of your tongue. A shiver runs down your spine as you feel it run down your throat.

“Swallow.” He gently puts a strand of hair behind your ear as you show him your empty mouth. “Good girl.”

You moan softly at his praise and furrow your brow when your eyes find his cock again.

“You really want it, huh,” Joel purrs, trailing your neck and chest gently with his hands. When he brushes your nipples, you wince a little, eliciting a low chuckle from him. “Spread your legs, baby. Let me see your little pussy.”

He sucks in a sharp breath, his cock twitching impatiently when you sit back on your heels and present your glistening folds.

“Fuck me,” he murmurs, tracing your belly all the way down to your mound and stopping right before touching your clit. “Must’ve been uncomfortable to sit in that all day, hm?”

He gently pulls your lips apart with his thumbs and index fingers, inspecting you closely. “Your little clit is so swollen, baby, does it hurt?”

“Mhm,” you whine, his touch so close to your neglected bundle of nerves torturing you beyond belief. “It–it hurts so bad, Sir.”

“Hmm,” he searches your eyes, “and that’s why you thought it was a good idea to send me all those naughty messages?” He spreads your lips apart further, eliciting a long moan from you. “You thought I’d fuck you if you did?”

“Y–yes,” you stammer, your legs trembling, “I’m sor–”

You’re cut off when Joel lets go of your lips and swipes his fingers through your dripping wet folds agonizingly slowly, once, twice, three times, barely brushing your pulsating clit.

Listening to the noises you make and feeling your hot cunt on his hand is enough to make him almost come, despite his cock not having any contact at the moment. His eyes never leave yours as you whimper desperately, his barely there touch enough to build your long overdue orgasm.

“Go on, angel,” he withdraws his hand and holds his hand up to your lips, “clean up the mess you made.”

He pushes his wet fingers into your mouth, forcing you to suck your own juices off of him. You do so eagerly, sucking and licking his fingers, moaning around them.

“You would’ve sucked my cock in front of everyone if I had let you, huh.” You let out a desperate moan, feeling your pussy get wetter at the thought. “That’s right, baby,” Joel chuckles. “Show everyone you’re my little cockslut.”

He pulls his fingers out of your mouth, satisfied with the job you did, then grabs your chin hard, his wet fingers pressing into your hot cheeks.

“You want it so bad, baby? Then beg for it.”

“Please,” you whine. “Please let me suck your cock, please, I–I want your cock so bad—”

“All yours, baby.”

He leans back in his chair, clasping his hands behind his head, looking at you through lidded eyes.

“Fuuuck, that’s it,” Joel groans as you start licking and sucking at his balls, then lightly trace the veins of his cock with your warm tongue, swirling it around the tip, licking up the salty precum. You look at him expectantly as you lick up and down his length, fondling his balls with your hand.

He smiles at the needy look in your eyes, finding it unbelievably hot that you want to, need to hear his praise so badly even though it’s obvious that everything you do to him is and feels beyond perfect.

“Good girl,” he says softly, eliciting a little whimper from you. “Now stop teasing and take it.”

You immediately hold him up by the base and take the tip into your mouth, sucking on it eagerly. You take him further, inch by inch, bobbing your head up and down his shaft until he’s nudging the back of your throat. Your eyes well over with tears as you gag around his cock. Joel groans in response, his whole body tensing as he tangles his hands in your hair.

You make a surprised sound when he leans over you and pushes your head down until your nose is rubbing his pubic hair, giving you no chance to move your head. He keeps his length buried deep inside you for a few seconds before pulling you up, a thick string of saliva mixed with precum connecting you two, only to push you right back down.

“Fuck, I love the sounds you make,” Joel pants as you choke and whine loudly.

He pulls your head back up to let you catch your breath and make sure you’re enjoying yourself as much as he is. He knows from the look in your eyes that you are, but he wants to make sure before you continue.

“What’s your color, angel?”

You look at him with bleary eyes, but give him a dazed smile and whisper, “Green.”

Joel nods and caresses your wet cheeks, wiping away some of your tears with his thumbs.

He traces your swollen lips with the head of his cock, loving the way his precum sticks to them.

“Breathe through your nose, baby,” he pants. “Can’t have you passing out on me.”

You wrap your lips around his head, swirl your tongue around it, then bob your head again – messily, sloppily, just the way he likes it.

“Good girl,” he breathes, thrusting his hips to slide in and out of your mouth, smiling at you and petting your hair. “Such a perfect little fleshlight.”

You tremble and moan around him, not entirely sure if his filthy mouth, his groaning, or the fact that he’s using you for his pleasure is turning you on the most. You just know you love it when he holds your head steady and fucks your mouth roughly, taking what he wants from you, making you gag and choke, saliva and tears running down your cheeks, chin, neck, and body.

You look like a masterpiece.

“I’m close, baby,” Joel pants, your perfect, wet mouth and the admiration he sees in your big, wet eyes making him tremble every time he thrusts his hips into you. You push him right over the edge when you squeeze his balls hard.

He comes with a strangled groan, shooting rope after rope of warm cum down your throat and onto your tongue. You welcome it with eager moans, so far gone that you don’t realize what you’re doing until after it’s too late — you swallow it all without his permission.

Fatal mistake.

Joel grabs you by your hair, pulling you off his pulsating cock, still breathing heavily.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh?”

Your eyes widen in shock, your lip quivering. “I–I'm sorry, I–I forgot.”

“You forgot?” Joel sighs and raises his eyebrows. He loosens his grip in your hair and looks at your eyes welling up with tears. You stumble over your words as you keep apologizing over and over again. You’re so perfect like this.

“What’s your color, baby?”

“Green, Sir,” you sniffle. “It’s green.”

“Now what am I supposed to do with a fleshlight that doesn’t work right, hm?” He tilts your chin up and rubs it softly with his thumb. “Do you think you deserve to get fucked?”

“I’m—please, I'll be good, I promise,” you choke out through tears and hiccups. “Please, I’ll do anything you want, just please—”

Joel smirks and leans back in his chair. “No need to tell me that, angel. I know you’ll do anything.” He lifts his foot between your thighs, eliciting a small, needy noise from you when he presses it against your swollen cunt.

“You’re so fucking wet, baby. All from being used, hm?”

“Yes, Sir,” you whine, wiping your cheeks and trying your hardest to stay still. “Thank you.”

“Such a pathetic little slut.” He rubs his foot against your folds, and you moan, closing your eyes, your lips trembling, your face hot from embarrassment and arousal. Joel presses harder and you cry out, your hips jerking instinctively.

“Pathetic enough to hump my leg?”

He snorts when he sees the stunned look on your face. You are definitely startled, but you don't protest. Joel can see a mix of hesitation and need in your eyes, and he understands that he needs to push you.

“I’m not going to fuck you,” he says, gently petting your hair, “so you better thank me for letting you come at all.”

He sighs and pulls your head back by your hair when you don’t answer fast enough.

“Use your words, slut.”

“Th–thank you,” you whimper. “I–I just–” You trail off, too shocked and embarrassed to finish your sentence, your voice trembling as you babble unintelligibly.

You hear Joel say your name and feel him cup your cheeks. “Look at me, sweetheart.”

You sniffle and try to focus on his eyes. “Tell me your color,” he says gently, his deep voice soothing your nerves.

“Still green,” you breathe, swallowing hard.

He searches your eyes and nods before sitting back up and extending his leg a little.

“Go on, then.”

You look at the satisfied smirk on his face before taking a deep breath and scooting forward, adjusting yourself against Joel’s leg. Gripping Joel’s thigh for balance, you tilt your hips forward until your clit makes contact with his hairy leg. You shudder at the feeling, a needy little moan escaping your lips.

Joel’s pupils are so blown, his eyes are completely black now.

You slowly drag your hips upward and duck your head, embarrassed that you’re actually enjoying this – and that you’re this wet. After slowly rocking your hips up and down a few times, you can’t keep yourself from moaning anymore. It feels to fucking good.

You shift a little and allow yourself to set a pace that will make you come. You nuzzle your face against Joel’s thigh and don’t hold back anymore, rutting against his leg with abandon, chasing your release.

“That’s it, angel,” Joel purrs, gently brushing a wet strand of hair out of your face. “You’re doing so well for me.”

You rock your hips against his leg over and over again, your brows furrowed, whimpering desperately as you grind your wet folds against Joel’s leg, the friction causing your whole body to shudder.

Joel fucking loves seeing you like this; pliant, obedient, wanting to be good so badly that you’d do anything to please him. Most of all, though, he loves how much you trust him.

“You’re such a good girl,” he praises, tilting your chin up to look into your glazed over eyes. “My good girl.”

You moan at his words, your fingers digging into the flesh of his thighs, your hips jerking frantically, desperate for release. Joel smiles softly at your reaction, reveling in the fact that he's ruining you for anyone else.

He fucking delights in it.

“That’s right, angel. Keep looking at me with those beautiful eyes.”

You barely hear what he says as your breathing comes out in noisy, deep gasps, too far gone, too overwhelmed to feel embarrassed at fucking yourself on Joel’s leg. There are no thoughts left in your brain, your only focus now is chasing your climax.

“Feels good, huh? Such a spoiled brat, aren’t you,” he taunts, marveling at your blissed out expression and the sheen of sweat glistening on your naked body.

“You think you deserve to come, hm? Even though you’re just a dumb little whore, only good for taking my cock in all her holes?”

That’s almost enough right there to tip you over the edge.

“Tell me what you are.”

You let out a choked sob, fresh tears making their way down your cheeks. Joel wipes them away with his thumbs as you stutter, “I’m–I’m your dumb little whore, Sir. I’m all yours — please, please–”

He gives you a warm smile as his dark eyes bore into. “Come for me, angel.”

You press your throbbing clit hard against him, humping his leg feverishly until the tension finally snaps and shockwaves grip your whole body, your legs trembling as you moan uncontrollably. Your walls contract around nothing as you collapse onto Joel’s thigh and start sobbing.

It’s all too much right now.

He immediately draws you into his strong arms, lifting you up and cradling you. “Shh, sweetheart,” he purrs, holding you tight and stroking your hair, “you did so well. Are you alright, hm? You want me to go get you a towel?”

Your eyes widen at the suggestion of him leaving you, causing you to shake your head fervently, your tears flowing freely now as you gradually come down from your high.

“Shh, it’s okay, baby” he coos, putting soft kisses on the top of your head and rubbing soothing circles on your back. “I’m not going anywhere.”

You're still naked and Joel wants you to feel comfortable and warm, so he swivels you two towards the couch to snag the blanket and drape it over you. He holds you close, whispering into your hair how well you did and how good you are, intermittently pressing soft kisses on your wet face.

You feel the steady rise and fall of his chest with each breath, a comforting rhythm that wraps around you like a protective cocoon. The warmth emanating from his body seeps into yours, making you feel calm and protected.

Joel’s not surprised that you need physical affection and closeness right now, knowing that humiliation is one of the most effective ways to make you fly – and crash.

Falling apart in front of somebody, allowing them to see you in such a raw, uninhibited state, is an incredibly vulnerable act.

Joel is not taking your trust lightly.

When he sees you wipe your nose with your arm, he swivels you back to his desk and opens the drawer to get you some tissues. Your heart skips a beat when you see what else is inside, but you keep quiet.

“Was I really good?” You mumble after listening to Joel’s calming heartbeat for a few minutes.

“You were perfect, baby,” he says softly, pressing a tender kiss on the crown of your head.

“So, can you fuck me now?”

The vibrations of Joel’s chuckles reverberate beneath you, making you laugh yourself.

“How about we make sure you drink enough and eat something first, hm?”

“Just say that your refractory period is getting longer, old man.”

“Why, hello,” he laughs and pinches your sides, making you squeal, “the princess is back.” You lift your head to look into his eyes. His beautiful, warm eyes. “You think I’ll fuck you if you keep being a brat, hm?”

“That’s exactly what I think. Because you always do. Because you love it.”

“Wow,” he chuckles and shakes his head. “All this just now and you’re still sassing me?”

“Just admit you fucking love it, so we can move on and decide what we wanna have for dinner,” you murmur.

Joel can’t hold back the beaming smile that’s spreading across his face.

Save for last time, you usually leave shortly after you’ve come down. He’ll sometimes ask if you want to stay a bit, but will never pressure you into doing so – even if it hurts him.

And it does, sometimes, if he’s being honest.

“Alright, alright,” he sighs deeply, his smile betraying his mocking tone. “I fucking love it when you’re a little brat and torture me all fucking day, making me sit in a fucking meeting for hours on end with a hard cock, listening to some rich fucks who want me to build some bullshit building for them.”

You giggle at the description of his day and kiss his dimple. “I really am sorry, you know.”

“No you’re not,” he shakes his head. “Now, what are you in the mood for?”

“Can we, um, can we go eat the fattiest, unhealthiest junk food ever and then wash it down with huge cups of pure sugar, so we’re both gonna have a stomach ache for the next three days?”

“Have I ever told you you’re perfect before?”

---

You step out of the shower, dry off, wash your face with Joel’s face wash and drink a glass of water. Joel put your bag outside the door when you were in the shower, giving you space to do your thing and going downstairs to take a shower there himself.

You’re kind of tired now, feeling a little burnt out.

You put on your panties and retrieve the comfy gym shorts you were smart enough to bring with you from your bag. They’re the only other clean piece of clothing besides the dress you could find in your drawer this morning.

“Joel?” You shout from the top of the stairs.

“Yeah?”

“Can I borrow a t-shirt?”

“Sure, darlin’. Just grab one you like.”

“Thank you.”

You smile and make your way to Joel’s bedroom. Opening the drawer, your eyes fall on a white shirt you’ve seen him wear many times. Don’t do it. You sigh defeatedly and lift the shirt up to your face, inhaling the unmistakable scent.

Then you suddenly remember it. Fuck. You need to make sure.

You put on the shirt and quickly walk to the office. Taking a deep breath and making sure Joel’s not watching you snoop through his things, you open the drawer.

The polaroid feels strange in your hand as you lift it to take a closer look.

It’s one of Tommy, you and Joel in it, from the night Tommy introduced you two. You don’t even remember taking this one, but now that you’re looking at it, you see something. It’s the way you’re smiling.

You turn the photo and read the handwritten note that catches your eye.

when I met her

You swallow hard and put it back. It doesn’t mean anything. You hung the other polaroid, the one of only you and Joel, up in your apartment and that doesn’t mean anything either—right?

“Babe?” Joel’s voice pulls you back.

You turn around and look at him, startled. “I, uh, was just looking for some batteries. Couldn’t find any though.”

“I got plenty downstairs,” he says with a tilt of his head. “Come on, let’s go.”

---

You’re sitting in a booth, munching on your burger, intermittently sipping your soda. You don’t even realize you haven’t answered Joel for the third time.

“Are you sure everything’s okay, sweetheart?” Joel touches your arm, his brow furrowed. You look at his concerned face, his cute little frown, before putting down your burger with a sigh.

“I, uh,” you start but can’t think of the right words. “I’m just feeling a little off these days, I guess. Work’s been stressful and, um, you–you’re gonna think I’m weird,” you murmur while picking at the fries on your plate.

“Darlin’,” Joel sighs, taking your hand into his, “you’re the weirdest person I’ve ever met.” He chuckles when he sees your offended face. “And I wouldn’t change a thing.”

He rubs the back of your hand softly and searches your eyes. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“It’s, um,” you clear your throat. “Do you ever get this feeling that there’s something looming?”

He tilts his head and looks at you curiously. “I’m not sure I follow, darlin’?”

“Like if you’re happy, do you ever feel like it’s not real, it can’t be real, and there’s something looming? Like there’s something just waiting to fuck everything up?”

When he doesn’t answer, you avert your gaze and try to withdraw your hand. “I’m sorry, I’m killing the vi–”

“No, sweetheart. Hey, c’mere.” He extends both of his hands to you on the table and you give him yours to hold. “I’m sorry, darlin’,” he murmurs, “your question just caught me off guard a little.”

You softly rub his hand with your right thumb and study his features. He looks gorgeous with his tousled hair and his big cow eyes.

“Look, I know that happiness is hard to accept sometimes because we’re afraid of it not lasting. It may even seem easier to sabotage it preemptively, so we’re not disappointed or don’t get hurt when something bad does happen. And I also know that we sometimes don’t think we even deserve to be happy.”

Bingo.

“But sweetheart, I need you to understand something,” he squeezes your hands gently, his sincere eyes boring into you.

“If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you.”

You try your best to blink away the tears that are forming in your eyes.

---

Thank you for reading! 🤍 part 4 || part 6 || series masterlist

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number1rizgukgakstan · 7 days

Text

FANTASY HIGH JUNIOR YEAR EPISODE 19 (PART 1) LIVEBLOG

HERE WE GO FOLKS! THE BEGINNING OF THE END!

Spoilers below (under the cut)

FANTASY HIGH JUNIOR YEAR EPISODE 19 (PART 1) LIVEBLOG

HERE WE GO FOLKS! THE BEGINNING OF THE END!

Spoilers below (under the cut)

"Re-ANKARNATE" Brennan Lee Mulligan the man that you are!!! Excellent pun

Fig Faeth and Gerard Neigh are my favorite animal companion duo ever <333

"Kristen Applebees might be class president in her senior year" crying laughing. Yeah the world is ending but isn't THAT the real thing to stress about??

So do we think that the Thistlesprings are watching the world end from their front porch? Or are they driving the fucking tank across the town to go fuck shit up? I hope they show up.

"This ship isn't actually flying by the way" insane.

"FABIAN DO YOU HAVE A PLACE YOU'RE HOPING TO LIVE?" GORGUG I LOVE YOU

they're putting the seacaster manor by the school's campus I'm crying. Fabian's mom IS going to kill him.

ASK FOR ALLIES! ASK FOR ALLIES! DO NOT BRING K2 BACK AT THE EXPENSE OF BETTER OPTIONS NOOOO

KRISTEN NOOOOOO KRISTEN I GET IT YOU HAVE BIG SISTER HEART BUT I'M CRYING.

ARE THEY ALL MOVING INTO SEACASTER MANOR??? SCREAMING.

Zac Oyama's comedic genius is insane. This man is so fucking brilliant give him a season as a DM

"zelgug fans are finally recovering- WHAT'S THAT? IT'S GORGUG AND UNIT WITH A STEEL CHAIR?????"

"107 degrees farehenheit" average summer temps tbh.

MAZEY! MAZEY! MAZEY! The fact that she's taking everything in stride is brilliant. She's definitely an honorary bad kid now

Ragh + Jawbone flying is a great picture. They're so cool.

I love their strategizing. They're right- Oisin first because wizard's are excellent at crowd control. But Mary Anne needs to go down or be persuaded to not fight ASAP because a powerful barbarian can do massive damage. Gorgug is one example of that- if Mary Anne is allowed to fuck around as much as she wants she'd wipe them out.

Ruben is a lesser threat, as even a high level bard isn't the strongest fighter on the field, but his spell list matters because shit like Irresistible Dance and the higher level buff spells can turn a fight very quickly. Ivy as a Gloomstalker is a problem, but if they can get her to burn her abilities quickly she might be easier to manage. If Buddy's still a Life cleric, he's easier to deal with, but if he switched subclasses upon raging out, a War cleric in particular is a HUGE problem. Offensive clerics are stupid busted.

Honestly is the Ratgrinder's are ACTUALLY level 20, they're going to need a miracle on their side, because level 20 pcs have insane hp and damage outputs, and some of their class skills are busted. Rogue's 'stroke of luck' alone is fucking scary. Not to mention that KLCK might have Elusive if she's level 17, which means RIZ CANT GET SNEAK ATTACKS OFF ON HER. This is INSANE.

ICE FEAST IS REAL!!! FUCK YEAH!!!! 1 level of exhaustion and 1d12 ice damage is insane but the benefits are CRAZY. Holy shit why the FUCK did Kristen never used this before

'Only 1 person needs to be exhausted' and it should be Fabian, actually, because if they only have 1 person on counterspell Jace and Oisin are going to fuck them over so hard.

K2 WITH THE UNION JACK IS ABSURD.

"Fuck it I'm playing the pipes" the most hilarious bit ever especially when they immediately stop being able to fight with the party as soon as he stops concentrating on playing them. 10/10 gag gift

SQUEEM SHOWS UP FOR THE FINAL BATTLE???? HUH??? SQUEEM SHOWS UP??? INSANE ENERGY

Ruben: "why are you so yoked"

Gorgug, in the deepest voice imaginable: "I'm a wizard"

You know what? PEAK Bad Kids energy tonight. We're winning.

"Loser says what" GORGUG IS FUCKING GOING OFF TONIGHT. THE FACT THAT PORTER FELL FOR THAT IS WILD

No one recognizing Fig is so funny. Wanda Childa, the secret seventh Bad Kid

I never noticed Riz has a 6 in strength- no wonder he had to have people load canons for him. Absurd.

PORTER HAD TO BURN A LEGENDARY RESISTANCE??? BEAUTIFUL.

RUBEN's COUNTERSPELL BEING ROBBED BECAUSE OF SLOW IS THE BEST FUCKING MOVE EVER. That takes them down to 2 counterspells a turn, assuming Jace and Oisin both have it prepared, since its a reaction. The ability to prevent multiattacks, slow spells, and force them to use either an action or a bonus action

IVY'S TARGETING HIS FUCKING DOG??? :( EVIL!

Oisin is getting his ass beat by Fig and the Vultures and I love it. Fucking GET THAT BITCH!

"That bitch in the back? I'm gonna skin her alive. She said she was going to do it to Maisey, so I'm gonna do it to her" THATS THAT SEACASTER BLOOD IN HIM!!! Bill would be so proud.

26 AC is wild. Fucking- this battle is going to go so hard I can't wait.

If Ivy dies in 1 turn I'm going to laugh so hard. Most cringefail ranger ever. I love her and hope she gets to come back Aelwyn style.

HOLY SHIT HE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO USE THE ACTION SURGE ATTACKS. HOW LOW WAS IVY????????

"I'm Going to Lose My Virginity to That Girl" FABIAN ARAMAIS SEACASTER, THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND.

DOES OISIIN NOT HAVE SHIELD???? WHY DOES OISIIN NOT HAVE SHIELD????? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED THERE???

Kristen leaping under the disintegrating gym is such a beautiful idea and I need to see fanart immediately.

God, Porter's such an intimidating villain. That's some scary ass shit.

I forgot how fucking powerful Psychic Scream is. Bards get insane shit.

NOOOO THE HANGMAN :(

The party has been doing so well in combat it was bound to take a bad turn at some point

"YOU SUCK AT PVP! YOU SUCK AT PVP!" That was Murph possessing Riz for a brief moment.

The fact that they all have low HP but level 9 spells is fascinating. That's not a natural curve to end up on. They must either have shitty con, or level 10 or so stats but access to higher abilities?

"You're a WASTE OF MY TIME" OUCH. OW! OUCH! GET HIM FIG! That whole speech at Ruben fucking HURTS she got his ass good holy shit.

"BUDDY, BAKARATH IS! NOT! REAL!" I love all of them actually.

They all got clustered together because of Riz's slow and now Adaine is casting SYNAPTIC STATIC??? holy shit. This was the most brutal set-up ever.

HOLY SHIT I FORGOT HOW OP SYNAPTIC STATIC IS. GET FUCKED JACE!!!

HOW the FUCK IS JACE CONCENTRATING ON 4 FUCKING SPELLS??? I WANT WHAT HE HAS

This battle is, again, super fucking scary. They're clearly fighting for their lives right now and they just do not have the numbers or the spell slots. I have to have faith BleeM wouldn't give them a fight they didn't have the resources to win,,,, but oh god is it a nail-biter.

Maybe if we're lucky, Arthur Aguefort will come in with the steel chair? Come on man come back and DO YOUR JOB

FABIAN DROPS???

Jace splitting into multiple versions of himself makes this fight brutal. They just don't have the manpower to fight this many spellcasters.

Kristen should have picked allies </3 it makes sense to pick K2 but god yeah

Gorgug's clutch NAT 20s coming back!

OISIN + IVY are both defeated, meaning that they've gone 2 for 2 so far on main party deaths.

"Make sure to cut his head off so he can't be revivified" CANONICALLY SAID BY RIZ??? THIS IS HIS MOMENT.

Holy shit, Gorgug manhandling Porter is maybe the coolest fucking move ever. Gorgug is the world's GREATEST WIZARD!

OISIN DIDN'T EVEN GET A TURN??? LMAO GET WRECKED DRAGON BOY!

What they need is some kind of powerful magic of their own, but none of them have high level spells left. It sucks ass but they're going to get through it cause these are the BAD KIDS!!!

RIZ IS IMMUNE TO FIRE???? OH MY GOD. LAVA SWIMMING TIME!

Brennan not taking into account what full fire damage immunity would do is maybe the funniest bit of this episode. He's essentially given them free range to play lava shenanigans with his battlefield. He has essentially built a battlefield where ONLY HIS VILLAINS have to worry about the hazards.

The army of spellcasters being unable to counterspell because the Bad Kids are being tactical wizards is so fucking sick. I hope Jace and Reuben feel as useless as they fucking are.

"all the jace's waste their reactions' PEAK CLOWNERY!

NOOOO GORGUG WENT DOWN :[

"What's my name?" The SASS! I love Adaine so much

Mary-Anne is my favorite character forever and ever. "Jace, I don't feel well" GIRL ME TOO!

"I counterspell his counterspell" WIZARD BATTLESSSSSS!!!! AND SHE CRITTED THE SAVE FOR FLESH TO STONE??? HELL YEAH!

"STUPID IDIOT! HAVE WE EVER HAD A CONVERSATION?" THEY ARE BEATING HIS ASS!

THE RAGE TOKEN MECHANIC WAS FOR THE FINAL BATTLE??? HOLY SHIT THEY LUCKED OUT!

"No one wants to engage with the temptation of my sort of philosophy- You're juicing and we can all see it" DEVASTATING. Porter keeps taking hits that would kill me instantly

There's only ten minutes left in the episode right now so I have to ask- how did they cut this? What cliffhanger am I going to be left on? Should i be fearful? I'm gonna be fearful.

Riz's mindgames are so fucking brilliant. This man is just as much as a Mastermind as KLCK, he just has better motivations. (They're real

The music kicked up? What the fuck is this music? Hm? Hm? Is this a good sign or a bad sign? Whatever it is, I'm fucking with it.

FIG SURVIVING BY THE SKIN OF HER FUCKING TEETH! SHE IS THE CHOSEN ONE BITCHES!!!!!!

"YOU DON'T KNOW HER LIKE I DO!" FUCK YEAH!

That moment with Ankarna was seriously sweet. They are the best friends forever to me.

NOOO MARY-ANN'S STRAWBERRY D: BRENNAN THAT WAS THE CRUELEST THING YOU COULD HAVE DONE.

BUDDY LOST CONCENTRATION!!!!!! HELL YEAH!!

Fig is THE plan-slayer. The bit-defeater! THE SCHEME-FOILER!

RUBEN FUCKING DIED! FIG FUCKING MURDERED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM? HOLY SHIT???? SHE SENT HIS ASS TO THE BLACK PIT!

THE OUTFITS IN THE PREVIEW ARE BRILLIANT AND I LOVE THEM!!!

ARTHUR SHOWING UP AT THE LAST SECOND IS BRILLIANT!

I'm SO EXCITED FOR THE LAST EPISODE!!! :D

#fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy liveblog #fhjy #d20 spoilers #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 finale

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verosvault · 2 months

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🚨SPOILERS FOR FANTASY HIGH JUNIOR YEAR EPISODE 7🚨

Dimension20 "Fantasy High Junior Year"

Episode 7 "Stress Tested"

Timestamp: 1:42:13

Video Length: 2min. & 36sec.

Fig tries out Paladin Class + gets Multiclass Paladin tutoring from Porter (Pt. 1 | ‣Pt. 2)

Brennan: "As you move into Paladin classes, there are some conflicts. If you don't jive with Halo, there are actually some teachers at the school that are multiclass like you. So you have multiclass advisors. And you actually see that Porter is one of the multiclass advisors for Paladin."

Zac: "You've gotta be ****ing kidding me." 😭✋

Fig: *kicks in the door*

(Ally laughing)

Brennan: "Porter goes,"

Porter: "Huh? What's that?"

Fig: "Nothing, I just wanted to say, hey."

Porter: "I'm weird?!"

(Emily laughing 😂💀)

Porter: "So, you trying Paladin classes out?"

Fig: "Yeah, I'm trying it out because you know, I've been an artist for a while, but what I really wanna be is a tough German Shepherd just monitoring the perimeter. And that just doesn't feel like an artist does it?"

Porter: "No, I don't think so. Expression is something primal."

Fig: "Yeah."

Porter: "You wanna defend your friends."

Fig: "Yeah."

Porter: "You wanna be that German Shepherd, yeah?"

Fig: "Yeah."

Porter: "The difference between an oath and rage is about that thin. I think what motivates us to make a promise, and this is what Zara was talking about. I spoke with her a little bit, right? Agreements, promises, oaths."

Fig: "Yeah, that's what I like."

Porter: "Look, if you wanna take classes with Halo, you can. But Halo, it's gonna be all about questing and gallivanting. Do you wanna be a German Shepherd?"

Fig: "Yeah. I wanna be the best security detail my president has ever seen."

(Ally's laugh as they put their head down! 😂✋)

Porter: "Well, the best defense is a good offense."

Brennan: "And you see here, Porter takes a sword off the armory and Divine Smite slashes through the stone pillar and obliterates it. And the top of the pillar crashes into the bleachers and sticks out."

Fig: "That's really ****ing cool."

Porter: "It's time to stop ****ing around and get in shape, Miss Faeth."

Fig: "Okay, sir."

Brennan: "And he starts to tutor you in the multiclass Paladin angle. And he really focuses on rage. Rage as like a principle of devotion to doubt, of teenage rebellion. It's all of a piece. The swearing yourself to the toppling of falsehoods and bad structures."

Fig: "Kristen, I think down the line, I'm gonna need you to knight me."

Kristen: "I would love to. Can I wear the salsa hat?"

Fig: "What do you think you're gonna knight me with?" 😂😂💀💀

Kristen: "Exactly. Chips." 😂😂

Siobhan: "On each shoulder." 😂🤣💀

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cjlinton · 9 months

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2023 Reading (So Far)

For the first time in a couple years I'm actually on track to finish a book each week, which is always one of my yearly goals. Below is a list of what I've read so far and which books I particularly recommend.

✨ incredible, recommend without exception ☕ I quite enjoyed this but your mileage may vary

Novels & Novellas The Candy House by Jennifer Egan Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin ✨ Interior Chinatown by Charles Yu Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun All Grown Up by Jami Attenberg Swamplandia! by Karen Russell Any Other City by Hazel Jane Plante ☕ Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor The Guest by Emma Cline Turtles All the Way Down by John Green Mostly Dead Things by Kristen Arnett Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld ☕ Finna by Nino Cipri Pet by Akwaeke Emezi ✨ Harlem Shuffle by Colson Whitehead ✨ Fiona and Jane by Jean Chen Ho Crook Manifesto by Colson Whitehead ☕ Luster by Raven Leilani ☕ Counterweight by Djuna

Short Stories Night of the Living Rez by Morgan Talty ✨ God of Want by K-Ming Chang Manywhere by Morgan Thomas ☕ Cursed Bunny by Bora Chung Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory: Stories by Raphael Bob-Waksberg

Nonfiction & Essays Bad Jews: A History of American Jewish Politics and Identities by Emily Tamkin Tanqueray by Brandon Stanton and Stephanie Johnson You Sound Like a White Girl by Julissa Arce Side Affects: On Being Trans and Feeling Bad by Hil Malatino ☕ Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning by Cathy Park Hong ✨

Poetry Bloodstone Cowboy by Kara Jackson ✨ Homie by Danez Smith ✨ Tits on the Moon by Dessa ☕

Comics/Graphic Novels The Boondocks: Because I Know You Don't Read the Newspaper by Aaron McGruder ☕ The Boondocks: Fresh for '01...You Suckas by Aaron McGruder ☕

#book recommendations #recommendations #just started When the Angels Left the Old Country which comes strongly recommended by my sister #have accepted i'm not going to stay on top of a roundup / recap every month but maybe i'll do separate posts abt plays or games or somethin

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elliebartlets · 2 months

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veronica mars rewatch 1x04: the wrath of con

• so I never actually thought about this, but were Veronica and Logan friends at one point? Like back when Lily was still alive and dating Logan, and Veronica was dating Duncan and still had her popular friend group.

• the captions say “Japan animated” but Wallace said “Japanimated” and I like that a lot better

• alright nevermind Logan and Veronica were friends. For some reason I got it in my head they always didn’t like each other.

• literally could not figure out where I recognize this Grant guy from and it turns out he was in 6 episodes of Gilmore girls lol

• oh hi Keith

• “so you won’t mind that I cancelled your reservation at the four seasons?” Keith 💀

• I loved all the flashback scenes to homecoming

• it’s very telling that when the limo comes back to the kane’s house all of the parents are there and worried about their kids except for logan’s

• Celeste is soo obnoxious I hate parents who clearly favor a child

• also sorry but the memorial video Logan put together of Lily was not risky or offensive at all. it showed the fun side of Lily and how she’d want to be remembered. Celeste is just being a butt about her “appearance”.

• I like that Jake Kane liked it tho

• wait…….was weevil sleeping with lily???

• yayyy skinny dipping

• Ok random but I went to look up the actors ages and Kristen Bell, Jason Dohring and Teddy Dunn were all 22-23 playing a 16-17 year olds which is like typical (or even older) in Hollywood but Amanda Seyfried was 18 playing a 16 year old??? That’s wild and the closest gap I’ve ever heard of for an “older person” playing a teenager

• I should probably start rating these episodes. overall I liked this one. I didn’t really care for help someone at school plot with the computer hackers but I loved all the homecoming/lily flashbacks and the memorial scene. So 8/10?

#veronica mars #vmars #vmars rewatch #the wrath of con

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e-l-forever · 1 year

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What is your opinion on Smallville Lana and Clana?

Oh wow a Smallville question! And what a question at that, right? I feel like I should preface this with a lot of stuff, because I actually have huge history with this character and the ship (which, believe it or not, I used to ship at some point).

First of all, I LOVE Kristen! I adore her, I've seen several cons with her and she's the sweetest and kindest and is stunning inside and out. And looks like she's also aware of the problems with her character's storylines and wasn't much happy about it.

Second, I watched Smallville as it was airing in.... god knows what year.... meaning, I was very young at that time and coming straight out of Lois & Clark TNAOS series, which turned me into a Clois shipper for life. So once Smallville started and was a huge hit right away I was hesitating about getting on board, because: "How do I, a Clois shipper, watch a series about Clark and another girl's big love?" And I vividly remember reading an article in a magazine with one of the producers, who was promising that this was about school years ONLY, that there would be no Lois, so we were all free and safe to root for this cute young couple. So I trusted them and started watching and just loooved early Lana and Clana, it was adorable and just age-appropriate cute teen love for me at that time. (I keep mentioned my youth because I think the show aged with the viewers and the early seasons/ships were more younger viewers-appropriate, while the more adult and mature Clois relationship was more for the older viewers, like you would grow out of one ship into another. And I think that's also how the different age groups gravitate towards these ships). After the first couple of seasons it started to get a bit tiring but I was still holding on, to the point that when they announced Lois's arrival after S3 I felt so betrayed 😂, I was like "you promised!" and I tried not to like her, but nobody could resist Erica and I fell for her in 1(ONE) episode 😂

After that it just all went downhill for Lana/Clana. Storylines kept getting worse and more unbearable. The back and forth and the constant will they won't they was super tiring, especially compared to the breath of fresh air that was Lois/Clois. Whenever Clark and Lana were sharing screen it was sheer misery and they were just bringing out the worst in each other. Their plots separate from each other were so much better (whenever Lana was allowed to have one, that is, which wasn't often). I remember genuinely loving Lana with Jensen's character until he had to leave and went psycho, and - unpopular opinion - but I even loved her story with Lex and their own love-and-war twisted games they were playing, at least it made her interesting and exciting as compared to the horrible stuff she was given with Clark! Basically with time I could stand her less and less.

I also think she overstayed her welcome, because the writers had no idea what to do with her anymore, especially in an adult Superman's story. In S7 I felt they were nicely building up to her exit and showing in excruciating painful details how Clana just was NOT working at all, no matter how much they tried (and GOD, they tried gazillion tiring times!!), and even the characters were saying it like a million times how maybe they weren't meant to be, but sadly the Arc of Suck in mid-S8 shit on all over it obviously... That was the worst written, most offensive, character destroying bunch of episodes I've seen in any show and I'm embarrassed on behalf of Smallville producers and writers for doing that. That exit and the horrible taste retroactively ruined all my fond childhood memories I had of the character and of shipping that ship. I can't stand either anymore, sadly.

I think I would have loved if they had kept her as just a friend for her last couple seasons, like Oliver was with Lois, I think her character could have been redeemed that way and could have been made likable again. Because I know they brought her back in S11 comics as a friend and that was pretty nice. But oh well.

#smallville #anti clana #I guess?#just to be safe

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dopaminergicaddictions · 3 months

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Once my birthday is over I'm killing myself. For a lot of the reasons.

1) I'm never going to stop hallucinating...

2) I'm never going to find a girlfriend..

3) i was delusional about Elise...

Why won't I find a girlfriend?

1) I'm trans

2) I'm on disability

3) I have ocd that makes things difficult household wise.

4) once I tell them I hear voices/ have auditory hallucinations no one will date me... I mean unless it's another voice hearer such as myself.... they are the only people who understand that the content varies and its not like, "kill them, Skin them, kill yourself, cut your mothers head off..." thats what people think when you tell them you hear voices.

You immediately go to less of a person. Not a real option. A danger to society and people look at you and treat you differently. They don't feel bad for you. They are scared of you. They look at you like the voice chants, kill everyone you know. Voice hearers and mental health professionals are the only people who understand that the voice could legit say "bounce on a bouncy ball," all day.... sometimes it can be amusing... generally my voice is just repetitive...

I hear, "happy birthday," "I have a birthday present for deadname blanchette," "successful right now," or "successful deadname," "successful Nathan," " this is special," "this is a special place for a reason," "don't Kill yourself," "you love yourself too much to kill yourself," "Elisha Blanchette," and my own thoughts repeating as an auditory hallucination. Rarely does it say anything else. It may say, "I only told you to hug your mother bc I'm psychosis not schizophrenia".... or, "internal peace/silence is coming" but to everyone else on earth I might as well be hearing, "kill them. Catch them, capture them. Skin them. Dismember them."

That's the problem with society and people not understanding mental health issues and especially auditory hallucinations... my voice was never fucking violent. It's mean to me but only so mean it won't say, "I want you to kill yourself." It won't bring up trauma. Although psychosis used to make me see mental pictures of my dogs dying in front of me.... like the very beginning.....but it wasn't the work of the voice... just to state that... it was actually just that all my mental pictures were trauma or sexual in October-December...

But to girls I might as well be a drooling psychopath.... My sister was like maybe you should focus on finding friends cause of your current situation... most people won't be willing to date you. That's why I'm going to kill myself. She thought she was being helpful... how is it helpful to bring up another flaw I have, that I know is on most people's lists of deal-breakers...

And now my dating pool has turned into queer voice hearers. Or queer mental health professionals..... I low key think my current therapist who is a voice hearer with either schizoaffective or schizophrenia wants to end client/therapist and be friends. Her friend request on fb remains. It was submitted 6 week ago when I messaged her to be her client but left her on read for like 4 weeks... she's pretty but yea who knows maybe she just wants to connect socially. She recently asked me when I talked about elise, "do you think you should have any female therapists right now?" I took offense to it cause like I have no feelings for any of my therapists... Erin is older and not my type and tbh she's been texting a lot recently during my sessions and I want to stop seeing her. Yes she's somewhat pretty but I feel nothing for her romantically...

Danielle is pretty but I mean I see her as a therapist. Kristen was gorgeous... and I kinda wanted to be her friend but I wanted her as a therapist more. I didn't want to date her but the elephant was smashing us against the wall making shit awkward. And now I hate her cause she didn't catch it before it turned into this....

Maybe Danielle wants to know me socially.... but Elise is the only therapist I've had feelings for. I don't view her as a therapist. But in terms of Danielle's question... there is only one person and it's bc of the close personal relationship we shared which boundaries were crossed... the boundaries being crossed isn't why I have feelings for Elise... but it is the reason I'm still fixated on her... I mean sorta. If everything ended the way it was suppose to I would still think about her but I wouldn't be writing on tumblr. I would probably be with Katie again becuase i would have shown up for the bunny picture she posted on fb in July and she would have taken me back bc her dog tries to eat them and it traumatizes her. I only didnt show up because I have feelings for Elise and I knew me and Katie would be together if I did. And be hopeful one day Elise would show up and we could be friends.

Either queer voice hearers have now become my only dating option other than mental health professionals. Or people who have a brother or sister and get it's not, "kill them," people including my Dr's write me off and talk to me like I've lost my personhood.

So yea. I'm pretty done with my shitty life. I doubt elise is going to show up for me. I mean when I think about those eyes I think she will, but then I look at actions. Blocked nearly everywhere. And she didn't respond to me professionally.... so I guess I'm meaningless shit to her. But who knows. All I know ow is actions speak louder than words. I remember her previous actions and they speak very loudly... but as for right now her actions say you're a drooling psychopath and I may be keeping you unblocked bc I'm worried you'll use it against me. WHICH I NEVER WOULD. Cause I love her.

Either way Danielle's questions was offensive cause I never talked positively about Kristen. She might as well be the devil to me. Also I never talked about Erin other than thats she's my therapist. Maybe it's bc she finds me attractive and wants to know me socially and we are only 3 weeks in... the only therapist I've talked about romantically or even in terms of attraction is Elise..... and it's very clear I don't see as a therapist... it'd very clear i see her person to person... that's the thing. Nonetheless it was offensive. Bc of all these facts

Factually- i have never had feelings for a therapist.... never. Not one of them. Attraction is a little different... but Attraction is meaningless to me. I'm about love. I think Megan fox is pretty but I don't want to have sex with her. I especially don't want to be with her...

I have to love you to want to be with you. Elise i saw as a peer... not day one but by the year mark we were person to person. Not therapist to client.

The sad thing is- Before I met Elise, therapists were just asshole who sat on their ass and made money off your problems and couldn't give a shit about your life or your feelings and you were just money in their wallet...

Then i met Elise and- that fucking changed. I started to see therapists as person to person. I started to see they do care about you personally and you're not just money.

I fell in love with her but that besides the point before that happened-shes the reason I feel that therapists do care about their clients. That they see me and anyone else they see as a person.

Although I do think generally the therapist sees the client as a person but on a lower level.. not that they are better than them but that they have a professional duty to them.. and that makes ot less person to person.

When I talk to any therapist now thanks to Elise-I see it person to person.

However-me and elise were different. Part of doesn't want to force her hand and make her meet with me Profesional despite the fact that it will help but--->

The reality is we really were person to person. Different than anyone else. The dynamic changed and we changed. There was something there. And it's only her. But anyways I'm crazy and she doesn't read this but writing helps. Tbh I'm prob going to stop writing here soon. I've been hopeful she might read it but If she sees me as dangerous or crazy. Maybe i should commit my writing to paper and pen and keep it from the world.

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handicappedbuenchico · 10 months

Note

Think about some strong opinions (about anything) that you have. Could be about RP, life, school, work, people. Where did that come from; what happened to make you feel or think that way?

I'm going to use this question to share some of my horror movie opinions here, specifically my A N.ightmare o.n E.lm S.treet franchise hot takes (mainly Freddy's Dead because WHOO BOY 😩) because I have a lot of those I feel. Also, I am fully prepared to lose my N.ightmare franchise fan card, as I know damn well that these are very unpopular opinions. All of these opinions will be under a read more because like I said I have a lot, and if you want more in depth explanations for my opinions, I'll have to make individual posts about them because Tumblr hates multiple in-depth explanations in one post apparently.

The original A N.ightmare o.n E.lm S.treet from 1984 and A N.ightmare o.n E.lm S.treet 3: D.ream W.arriors are extremely overrated - I always found them to be extremely boring. Also, Nancy's death was really underwhelming when you look at it in terms of the rest of the series.

F.reddy's D.ead is NOT a feminist movie in the traditional sense (it actually makes the female characters, specifically Maggie, look worse when you really think about it) - The only "feminist" things about it was that it was directed by a female, R.achel T.alalay, and that almost every victim in the movie is male with the exception of L.oretta K.rueger. The main female characters within the movie itself are written horribly while being given the protection of plot and main character armor even though they didn't really do much within the narrative to really earn it. No not even Tracy. The male characters that aren't Doc and Freddy himself are treated like they have no agency/autonomy in the story, and they're only there to narratively serve the female characters their purpose in the story on a silver platter until the narrative erased them from existence when they were no longer useful because why the fuck not. *cough* John Doe doing basically all the detective work about Freddy for Maggie and spoon feeding her the info that Freddy had a daughter and not a son as HE was dying *cough*

F.reddy's D.ead's portrayals of child emotional and physical abuse are disgustingly offensive because it treats those types of abuse like jokes, while they give all the seriousness and tact to the child sexual abuse survivor - Yes, I know they couldn't make a joke of child sexual abuse. Even still, Carlos and Spencer's REAL trauma and abuse should have been given the same care and attention as Tracy's. Tracy didn't have to go on a cringy exposition dump on the type of trauma she's supposed to be suffering from, nor did she feel the need to point out any physical reminders of her abuse and trauma when the movie thought the audience would forget about it. Carlos and Spencer shouldn't have had to either. Also, if you couldn't make Freddy joke about sex abuse, maybe don't have him making entire comedy routines out of physical and emotional abuse, just a thought.

Dr. M.aggie B.urnham is fucking terrible at her job and should have never gotten her license to practice - She also didn't deserve the final girl role, as she did LITERALLY NOTHING OF FUCKING SUBSTANCE the whole movie except acting like an NPC that can only say three phrases. Hell, she was LITERALLY GASLIGHTING John Doe the entire time they were in Springwood. She was a selfish, self-centered bitch who used her job as a means to her own end when John Doe was brought to the shelter. Since everyone loves to compare F.reddy's D.ead to D.ream W.arriors, Maggie is the Dr. Simms to John's Kristen and Doc's Neil AND Nancy.

Carlos, Spencer, and John's deaths in F.reddy's D.ead were literally pointless from a narrative standpoint because of Freddy essentially playing God and erasing them from existence - Spencer's death in particular creates a giant plot hole when they use Spencer's pipe bomb that he had made earlier in the film to finally kill Freddy, despite Spencer himself no longer existing.

The original shooting script of F.reddy's D.ead, along with the comic that came after the movie, is actually 10x better than the movie we actually got - Specifically with scenes like Spencer's death sequence and the beginning of Carlos's death sequence. The shooting script also gives us some more info on Carlos and Spencer than the movie did, so there's that.

The main plot of Freddy's Dead could NEVER work - Not only does it not work from a logical standpoint, as the basic math required to figure that shit out already destroyed it, but also the way the Freddy sets the plot into motion makes literally no fucking sense? Why is Freddy suddenly trapped in Springwood? If he's this damn near omnipotent dream God from killing every single child in Springwood, shouldn't he have the power to break through some bullshit barrier that's just arbitrarily placed around Springwood? Also, the main plot of Freddy's Dead is so nonsensical and pointless that almost every major streaming service spoils the weak "twist" of Maggie being Freddy's daughter.

F.reddy's R.evenge and F.reddy's D.ead are a part of the original ANoES canon, no matter how much the fandom tries its hardest to erase them - Get over it, fandom.

Kristen was selfish and dumb for passing her powers (and the inevitable headache known as F.reddy K.rueger) onto Alice. - Like, why couldn't she let the fear of Freddy die with HER? Was she not the true last E.lm S.treet kid? Wouldn't Freddy's thirst for vengeance technically end with Kristen? I mean, I know that there's always that possibility of him coming back organically, but Kristen...girl...come on honey. Why would you put your friend through that torment? She literally lost her brother and later her boyfriend-turned-baby-daddy because of you.

W.ill S.tanton and S.pencer L.ewis would have been absolutely unstoppable in their respective movies if the narratives had let them live.

All the original parents of E.lm S.treet should have been charged with murder when they lynched Freddy, and then charged with child abuse/neglect with how they treated their children years after the fact - Look, I understand why they did it and all, and I know they couldn't have possibly predicted that Freddy would return as a dream killer. However, they still broke the law, and are continuing to break more laws. The treatment of their children, including having them forcefully institutionalized/imprisoning them in their rooms and drugging them against their wills, are literal forms of child abuse. Why were we supposed to root for them again? I also have no sympathy for Freddy, by the way, he absolutely deserved to get locked up for his crimes too. However, maybe whoever was in charge of the warrant should have made sure all the proper T's were crossed and I's were dotted first before going all gung-ho.

#trashcollected

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 1 year

Audio

Last week, I posted a clip of Kristen Schaal calling into Daniel Kitson’s radio show in April 2008. A while before that, when I first listened to that radio show, I mentioned in a post that in another episode, Phil Nichol called into a radio show at about 3 AM for the express purpose of telling Daniel Kitson that he loves him. You know, Phil Nichol, that comedian who does the song about the Only Gay [word that I wouldn’t use to describe the Inuit Peoples, and I realize it has different connotations in different parts of the world and in some places is even the term that’s broadly preferred by the people it describes, but Phil Nichol’s from Canada where it definitely isn’t, I know it’s from about 2005 when people were less sensitive to these things but as a Canadian I’m pretty sure even I knew in 2005 that it’s not a good term to use, and I was a teenager then, though also we did somehow have a major sports team by that name until very recently because turns out it’s not only America that does fucked up things like that, and anyway I guess it's cool that it’s a song from about 2005 with the word “Gay” in the title but I don’t think anything in the content is offensive to gays, so well done on being only half as offensive as one would expect, and to be fair to him he does do very amusing Bob Dylan and Billy Bragg impressions in the middle of it].

Anyway. I was going through that episode in Audacity for other reasons – reasons that involve me definitely making productive use of my time on this Earth – and cut this bit out just to prove that I wasn’t joking or anything when I said Canadian comedian Phil Nichol called into a radio show at 3 AM in April 2008 for the express purpose of telling Daniel Kitson he loves him. That’s what actually happened. It’s fucking adorable. It’s so cute that it makes you say, “Aww, let him have his mildly offensive song.”

@my-excellent-bicycle, this is one of the two guys who interviewed David O’Doherty on that podcast recently. Where he was very well spoken, he seems to have calmed down and/or sobered up at some point since April 2008.

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kiingocreative · 3 years

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The Structure of Story is now available! Check it out on Amazon, via the link in our bio, or at https://kiingo.co/book

Whether I’m writing or reading, I personally love a story that portrays the full complexity of the human experience, in all its glorious intricacy and wonderful contradictions.

As we as a society become more open to talking about the hard stuff, the things that might have been swept under the carpet are starting to emerge in modern culture and literature. We’re more receptive to hearing about those challenging and vulnerable experiences.

In this, however, lies a common trap: as hard topics become more common and popular, how can we as writers ensure we treat them in a way that’s respectful, authentic, and non-trivialising?

What’s a Hard Topic?

First things first, when I talk about ‘hard topics’, I'm referring to those challenging and traumatic experiences people go through that have a profound impact on their lives.

Here’s a non-extensive list, in no particular order: physical, emotional or sexual abuse; assault; trauma / PTSD; suicide; addiction; depression; mental illness; terminal illness; eating disorders; grief; miscarriage; racial or gender-based prejudice; etc.

Why the Need for TLC, You Ask?

Engaging readers emotionally is the best way to get them hooked onto the story you’re trying to tell. And for readers to become emotionally invested in your story, you have to give them a plot and characters that are plausible, convincing and relatable.

As someone who has suffered abuse and depression, I find nothing worse than reading a story that treats those topics too lightly or portrays a limited or romanticised experience of it. I find it alienating, and almost offensive.

3 Ways to Deal with Hard Topics

Through my own writing experimentation, as well as conversations and interviews with fellow writers, I’ve identified three main ways of dealing with hard topics:

1. Draw From Your Own Experience.

The best way to paint a plausible picture is to draw on your own experiences. Yes, different people go through different events in their own, unique way, and we can’t claim to paint all traumatic experiences with the same brush.

That said, even though your individual experience may not be the exact same as the next person, drawing from your own life will give your retelling of it a sense of authenticity that other readers will more easily be able to relate to.

Author Lauren Dow says she started writing her semi-autobiographical book *In Body I Trust* as a therapeutic endeavour to help her navigate through her own experience of depression and battling eating disorder. Through her writing, she ‘turned her eating disorder into a living, breathing person with a face, a story, and a name’ that other people might be better able to relate to and engage with.

Suffering can be both incredibly unique and widely universal. Sharing your own story through your writing, even when fictionalised, is a great way to give others a chance to realise they’re not alone in what they’re going through. They’re more likely to connect with some, if not all, facets of one’s genuine experiences, which in turn instils a sense of trust between writer and reader and creates a bond that will make them want to keep reading your work.

2. Put Your Research Hat On.

This isn’t to say writers can only ever write about trauma if they’ve experienced firsthand — as much as the world likes to paint traditional writers as tortured, broken souls, thankfully we know that’s not the case.

If you’re writing about a topic you haven’t yourself experienced yourself, the best way to go about it is to educate yourself on it, ideally by hearing other people’s real life accounts.

In an interview I conducted with author Kristen Granata for The Indie Writers Collective, she explained that although some of her writing is inspired by her own difficult experiences, she’s always ‘looking to talk about topics [she hasn’t] experienced [herself] to give people who have had those experiences a voice and a platform to tell their story’.

This involves a great amount of research, she says, to make sure she doesn’t get it wrong. In What’s Left of Me in fact, she asked people she knew had gone through domestic abuse and miscarriage to share their stories and then weaved in unaltered chunks of their narrative into the storyline to make it more raw and authentic.

3. When in Doubt, Don’t

If you’re unsure about how to handle a hard topic, my golden rule is to avoid it entirely.

No, going through depression is not the same as being sad or feeling blue. It’s a state of mind that both numb you to the extreme and bring you on the verge of imploding with a burning intensity you never knew was possible, and leave you wondering what the point of going on living even is.

No, experiencing grief isn’t just difficult. It’s soul-crushing and life-ending and heart-breaking in ways one cannot begin to comprehend unless they’ve gone through it.

No, facing abuse isn’t only about the physical ‘logistics’ of the act. It’s a state of constant and long-lasting fear and agony that can permeate every moment of your waking life. It comes across in the way you speak and breathe and hold yourself physically, and it shapes the person you become.

Some writers actually choose to steer clear of some of those more challenging topics unless they have experienced them themselves. Dealing with any one of these issues too lightly, romanticising it or trivialising it runs the risk of alienating your reader. It risks leaving them feeling betrayed and angry, and turning them away from your work entirely.

I cannot stress this enough: howsoever you chose to handle those difficult topics, you absolutely have to treat them with the utmost care. You need to give them room in your story to paint the right picture. If you’re not able or ready to draw on your own experience, or not willing to put in the work needed to do extensive research, then it’s safer to give those topics a miss entirely.

Keep this all in mind, if not for your own sake — readers will rarely give an author they didn’t like the first time around a second chance, which impacts the reviews they’re likely to leave and ultimately your book sales — then for the sake of the people out there who have had to live through incredible difficult and traumatic episodes and deserve to have these topics handled with respect.

#writingtips #creative writing #screenwriting #writers on tumblr #writers #writing #writerblr #writing advice #writing community #writing resources

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jacobsbadwig · 2 years

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dumb thought but like, i rmember some1 basically making an essay that boiled down to 'jakeward was a thing because taylor and robert are fun to watch argue' and i think thats a take to share

The thing about the whole Romeo and Juliet situation Twilight falls flat because Bella and Edward aren’t really separated because their families are feuding or anything of that nature. They’re not starcrossed lovers either because the audience learns about several humans who were turned to be with their vampire lover. Edward is just a self righteous prick in the context of the OG canon. (I will mention Midnight Sun but it’s not canon because it’s a sad cash grab and it is a sad attempt to retcon an already completed series.)

Look….when I was a dumb teenager I definitely shipped Leah and Edward (don’t at me. I get it) because it fit in more with that theming. You have two peoples from factions/families who are feuding with each other. Unfortunately (mostly because of Midnight Sun and rereading the series with a deeper understanding of implication that a fourteen wouldn’t necessarily grasp in its entirely), It’s hard to do something of that nature in the context of Twilight but absolutely other series have/probably will handle that werewolf/vampire Romeo and Juliet thing better.

As for the Jakeward aspect, no offense to Kristen Stewart (except for the fact she’s a Woody Allen supporter and should be held accountable for that and that’s why I mainly don’t fuck with her and the fact that her fans have been racist as fuck to FKA Twigs when Twigs and Rob dated) but the script didn’t do her justice. But honestly, that’s mostly because Bella and Edward don’t have romantic chemistry at all, nor did Kristen Stewart have chemistry with Rob Pattinson on screen. She has amazing chemistry with everyone else, though.

Jakeward is really a matter of the Romeo/Juliet aspect actually existing and being fueled by their hatred and that is the type of chemistry that can translate easily into a full plot and on screen. But with an interesting reflection on those themes of duty, love, separation, family, and hostility with the added turmoil of two people in a certain (and recent) era that was and in some case still hostile to the LGBT community. Those are strong enough to carry a story. While some people may disagree and Jakeward is a dumb ship (ignoring the problematic writing of Smeyer at this point), I think it can and does work. That’s just my opinion.

#wig asks #koyoakizuki

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d20trashcan · 3 years

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It's interesting that I've been asked multiple times why when I draw Adaine, I draw her as a black girl. They usually ask from a place of curiosity and not exactly some sort of offensive nature. Alot of the times, they think its a fandom thing, that there is some sort of meaning. IDK about the fandom but I do it because it just is nice and I like to see POC.

There is no real reason to only have light skin high elves but that's the trend. Rarely do you ever see a dark skin woman represented as an intelligent wizard? Personally, I headcanon Adaine as half Black and half Viet. Even for my own enjoyment, Fig is half indigenous Puerto Rican/Taino and Korean. I even know some people hc Fabian as half Japanese for certain cultural reasons.

I like to think Kristen is the only white person in the Bad Kids, the token white person if you will.

Not to say they are bad for asking, but it does question why is it so easy for people to question the decisions I make with my art and how I portray certain characters as POC. Is there really a reason I need to be able to draw Adaine as black? Why don't you draw her as Asian, I've been asked, apparently because I'm Asian. To that, I say, wtf.

I've had enough of "smart" Asian characters. Like yeah I headcanon Adaine as Viet but that's because her mental health struggles and the treatment of her parents and her mending relationship with her sister is parallel to my own life, the Asian experience if you will.

So am I a bit hypocritical for saying I am tired of smart Asian characters but technically Adaine is smart and part Asian in my head? Sure if you squint and don't understand nuances. Am I trying to state that the physical appearances of characters tend to define representation more than the details in writing because visuals are the essence of representation so by having her not look like the typical Asian person I made the previous statement void? Yeah, kinda.

TLDR; I'm an artist of color and Kristen Applebees, while we love her chaotic gay ass, should be the only token white kid in the group.

#adaine abernant #honestly annoys the hell out of me that people only think black artists will be the only one allowed to headcanon characters as black #its a literal racist idea and also white people tactic to alienate black artists from other artists of color #like no one is should stop you from making headcanon art and displaying characters as different ethnicities #its only how you portray those ethnicities and when you do that matters like art you doing because you think some characters are deserving #of course when it comes to blacktober that's exclusively for black creators #anyways im done mini ranting reflecting #i literaly just finished physics class

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wigwurq · 2 years

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WIG REVIEW: SPENCER

So I finally got around to watching this trash for free since it’s on Hulu now and I still feel like I spent too much on it because it wasted a good 2 hours of my life!!! If you like super pretentious snoozefests, pearls, FASHION, lesbians, haunted mansions, mean staff, ghosts, scarecrows, pheasants, paparazzi, and actual barfing this movie might just be for you. Otherwise: congratulations - I watched this so you’ll never have to! But how are the wigs? Let’s discuss.

We begin with the image of a dead pheasant in the road which will later come to represent Princess Diana and already the pretentious imagery of this movie is eyeroll inducing. It’s Christmas Eve 1991 and Di is driving to some castle WITH THE TOP DOWN AND NO WINTER COAT! If this doesn’t already tip you off that Diana might have some mental health issues....BUCKLE UP.

I don’t like Kristen Stewart but honestly she is the least offensive part of this movie? Her accent is fine. Her wig is ghastly. From the get-go, my mother WAS VERY UPSET about this wig because it’s not as full or thick as Di’s actual hair and that is a legit complaint. Anyway, Di is lost both emotionally and literally and ends up in some truck stop to ask directions to the castle but no one helps her because she’s famous. POOR DI!

She realizes that she’s actually kinda near where she grew up and despite having no clue where she is, can spot a coat on a scarecrow from an entire field away and identify it as her father’s old sport jacket. SHE THEN PROCEEDS TO GO GET THE COAT OFF THE SCARECROW AND TAKE IT TO THE CASTLE. This movie seems to want to portray Di as legitimately deranged and this bent ass wig isn’t helping.

Anyway, hours or possibly days (?) later, she finally drives herself and her scarecrow coat to the castle where she is greeted by rude butler (???) Timothy Spall who has completely deflated, I assume because this movie is actually life draining. In any case, he makes her weigh herself before going to her drafty room which apparently is an actual royal Christmas practice of the damned. Also apparently Timothy Spall’s character isn’t a real person and basically none of this movie is based on actual facts beyond this royal scales shit.

NO ONE TOLD ME SALLY FUCKING HAWKINS IS IN THIS MOVIE! I love Sally Hawkins. I love that she seems to be the only person involved in this movie who realizes it is trash. I love that she is basically playing Edith Head (????) and is Di’s only friend/kind staff member who is tasked with all of Di’s FASHION and also tailoring her outfits to accommodate Di’s shrinking body due to bulimia. THERE IS SO MUCH BARFING IN THIS MOVIE YOU GUYS AND NOT JUST BY ME WATCHING IT.

Things at dinner are not great! NO ONE LIKES DIANA! Also apparently Charles gave Camilla THE SAME DAMN PEARLS (I googled this and that is absolutely not a fact!) Still, the pearls are another stupid metaphor for suffocation and self harm AS IS THE JOHNNY GREENWOOD SCORE which my mom almost wrote an angry letter about because it is so distracting and stifling.

Also distracting and stifling? The movie itself. ALL OF IT. But also this goddamned wig which is just never feathered or full enough and neither is Di because the pearls break into the soup and she eats them and yes this is a dream and yes she barfs out the pearls and OMG WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MOVIE I HATE IT.

Sometime later, Di confronts Charles about the pearls and their marriage or whatever and it’s all incredibly tedious and boring and no one looks like who they’re supposed to look like.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE PRINCE CHARLES WHAT. THIS WIG! YOU GUYS!!!! NO! You may recall this dude from another movie my mom is mad at me for making her watch - The Lost Daughter - and his name is Jack Farthing which is basically the most British name ever. He is incredibly boring, also.

Blahblahblah, shit gets even weirder when this wig magically gets shorter and also a completely different haircut and Di confronts the Queen about I dunno...SOMETHING....and I think it was around this point where my mom just decided that she hates Princess Di now because this movie makes her look like a completely insane and selfish asshole (IT IS SEEMINGLY NOT BASED ON ANY FACTS THOUGH?!?!)

AT SOME POINT DI WEARS THIS OUTFIT! I’m sure this is somehow based in something she actually once wore but really: it is so upsetting that it might have given my hives. The mood of this movie is OPRESSION and it delivers that through awful wigs, awful music, awful pearls, awful casting, and AWFUL FASHION.

THIS WIG IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!! It is constantly shifting in length, texture, and fullness. Also it appears that Timothy Spall is trying to kill (?) or at least gaslight Di by putting a biography of Anne Boleyn in her bedroom which leads to...

THE ACTUAL GHOST OF ANNE BOLEYN. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MOVIE. I don’t have a still of it, but at one point, Kristen Stewart is also dressed as Anne Boleyn. Whoever greenlit this idea should reconsider their life choices because it certainly made me reconsider mine in watching this movie at all.

Anyway, after leaving the castle in a full ballgown, Di USES WIRECUTTERS TO BREAK INTO HER OLD HOUSE WHICH IS NOW A HAUNTED MANSION AND ALMOST THROWS HERSELF DOWN THE STAIRS! In case you are wondering if reality has broken off into some other timeline, I did you the favor of googling this and no - Di’s house was never a haunted mansion; the Queen donated it to a charity. LIES!

AND! THEN! In the middle of the night, Di wakes William and Harry (WHO ARE CHILDREN!) up to make them have a candlelit seance where they get to open their Christmas presents which absolutely felt like child abuse and also a scene out of THE OTHERS and I was truly sad for these kids. LET THEM SLEEP!

AND. THEN. SALLY HAWKINS RESURFACES AS A LESBIAN IN LOVE WITH DI. This has no basis in reality and also there is no need for it in this movie AT ALL other than to have this wistful scene in the dunes where this wig has never looked more awful and I cannot believe I’m still watching this movie.

Whatever motivation Sally Hawkins’ love might have given Di, she decides to interrupt a pheasant hunt whilst identifying herself AS A PHEASANT so that she can leave with her sons (again: this feels very troubling for those kids!) and then puts her outrageous yellow patriot outfit ON THE SCARECROW FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE. THE METAPHORS IN THIS MOVIE ARE SO DUMBFOUNDING THAT I HAVE ABSOLUTELY LOST MY MIND.

But the hits keep coming! In the form of Mike and The Mechanics song “All I Need is a Miracle”, specifically. Di puts the cassette in her convertible (WITH THE TOP DOWN AGAIN IN THE WINTER - I FEAR FOR THESE CHILDREN) while they all bop along to a song that I completely forgot existed and will never get out of my brain now. AND THEN THEY DRIVE TO A LONDON KFC AND DI GIVES HER NAME TO THE CHECKOUT AS “SPENCUHHHHHHHH” AND THIS MOVIE ABSOLUTELY NEEDS TO BE ABANDONED ON A SCARECROW. NO. RUN DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE.

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

#wigwurq #spencer #princessdiana #princessdi #SALLYHAWKINS #kristensteweart #oscarbait #SCARECROWS #pearls #ANNEBOLEYN #BARF

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