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#So... I'd really appreciate it if anyone could advice me on this / had any suggestion / thought

iamyouknow-yours · 1 year

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I've seen a few people trying to decide between getting a mobility scooter and an electric wheelchair.

Mobility scooters are cheaper but both are expensive. I'm gonna tell you about my scooter and my experience with it. I have the CTM HS-115 scooter. She is red and has 3 wheels. I'll include photos at the end plus a bonus photo of my cat sitting on it.

Things:

The turning circle!!! My house has narrow passages and it can be quite difficult to maneuver the scooter because of the turning circle. Especially when I'm having a bad brain fog day. I have gotten better at maneuvering though.

Wheelchairs have a turning circle of themselves. My scooter has one that is I think around a metre? I don't remember, my memory is bad.

Also it has this really annoying function where it can't be pushed even on pushing mode if it isn't on perfectly flat ground because the automatic braking system kicks in.

I'd also have a look at the amount of rise any mobility aid you are looking at can go over because when entering inaccessible buildings (like my house, I have to lift it up/get someone else to lift it for me.

Some of these problems would not be fixed by getting not a mobility scooter but some would.

My back sometimes hurts if I'm in it for a while (because the back rest is not very tall) but I've fixed this by having a cushion and remembering to lean back all the way.

To be clear though I love my scooter. She is very useful and has loads of benefits.

And I don't know any of the downsides of a power chair because I have no lived experience with one.

She can go on pretty rough terrain. She's pretty sturdy. I've taken her to the park near my house and round my friend's garden. As well as more obvious places like the mall.

Only time I've had an issue was when I went to this very hilly place where the ground sloped to the side and then she didn't want to brake.

The driving system means I can switch which hand I use plus my friend can walk next to me and maneuver me.

There's enough space by my feet that I can put my backpack there too.

It's fit in every car I've tried it in with just regular disassembly. Except my friend's dad's two seater car but then he disassembled it more using Tools™ and it fit.

It has good battery life, it hasn't run out on me.

The system for viewing how much battery you have left is bad though. It has 3 lights (red, orange, green) and supposedly the green turns off then the orange then the red and it's dead. But me and my friends can never figure out which lights are on and which are off.

It has a blue warning light which flashes in various sequences when something is wrong. I've had the scooter for several months and have never had it flash.

Fastest speed is 6km/h which is like someone jogging.

I got them to remove the beeping it makes when it reverses because that was Terrible.

The only customisation I've done to mine so far is put stickers that tell me which direction (forwards or backwards) the controls make it go. Because it's the opposite on the left and right. Which makes it easier if you want to swap hands or have a friend maneuver you but I need the stickers to tell me which way to push or pull the lever.

I am looking for ideas on how to customise her so please give suggestions. If anyone has suggestions on how to make the back rest taller that would be so appreciated.

Please include your own advice in the reblogs/replies. Looking forward to advice for future wheelchair users who need it.

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhADVL2AiGX-gwr9ekt_SJC-UcURkXCOP

That's a playlist from the british youtuber Jessica Kellgren-Fozard. It's 4 videos of her trying out and picking a mobility aid. Includes useful advice and tips. And then 1 excellent video talking about mobility aids and "giving up". That video was quite useful in convincing various family members that that was not what I was doing by getting my scooter.

My scooter's name is Atalanta after the woman from Greek mythology who could run faster than any man. I think I'm very funny.

My cane is in the background of some of the photos because I rest it next to my scooter.

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pluralpoke · 4 months

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( EDIT: the fictive has found a name that they are good with using for now! The source is kinda niche and not super popular so we had to improvise. Overall, the name is way better than the one we came up with and is distant from the source! We welcome Issac to the system and look forward to learning more about them! Also! Feel free to leave any more suggestions about how to help issac adapt! Thank you!)

Does anyone have any advice on how to help a newly formed fictive who doesn't wanna use their name from their source? they don't wanna use their source name out of slight embarrassment and worry that it will reveal their source. they've told me that they don't wanna attach themself to the source cause they wanna be their own person now.

the other fictives in our system don't mind being open about their source and use their names from their source so as the host, we've never had a fictive with this preference to be distanced from their source since I've been a host.

i wanna help them since they are pretty stressed about not having a name that we can comfortably use to call them... we came up with a somewhat basic name for them to use for now but I'm not sure how else to help them adapt here and I really want them to feel like they are welcome and that we respect their decision to not connect to their source, if that makes sense.

is there anyone who has any advice or any posts with some info about how I could help them? I'd really appreciate it, thank you so much! ♡

- Gar 🗑 + ✏️

#🗑 “gar”#endo safe #sysmeds dni #fictive #actually dissociative #did osdd #system things #plural gang

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mgc02 · 3 months

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Sorry I posted that without finishing it. Angel Dust tells the others and they team up to help Angel and Charlie.

Just wanted everyone to see the whole request. So sorry it this took so long. There's been a family emergency and not only has it kept me busy but it's been difficult on my mental health. But things have started to get back to normal so hopefully I'll be able to write more fics. I've mostly kept it to short fun jokes and theories to keep up my online presence. Anyway, thank you for the request. I did include Angel making her leave, I forgot that was mentioned but I hope that little change was ok.

Once a deal is made

Part 1

Tw: abuse, toxic relationships, angst, part one is in Angel's POV. I hope I handled this in an appropriate and delicate way. Advice is much appreciated.

What was she thinking? Showing up here!?! She thought she could handle Valentino? Well I guess it was my fault for suggesting she should fix my boss but it wasn't really meant to be an actual suggestion. I didn't think she'd show up in the middle of a shoot. I practically pleaded with her with my eyes but she was oblivious to the danger she put us both in.

I know she meant well. She was never exposed to this kind of stuff. She probably grew up in a castle where she got whatever she wanted and was taught we could all sing kumbaya and learn to get along. It was actually kind of sweet how naive and well intentioned she was. But now surrounded by fire staring at his demonic silhouette all I could feel was fear. And it wasn't the flames I was so afraid of.

His wings came out putting out the fire in one powerful swoop. He asked to speak to me alone. I couldn't look at Charlie. I didn't want her to figure out what was about to happen and interfere. She could get hurt. I have been exposed to this kind of thing. I was no stranger to it. And I knew I was strong enough to do what takes to protect her and anyone else.

Things did get ugly. I knew what I had to do. I did not want to hurt her feelings but pushing her away was the only way I could get her to leave. She left in tears and I felt my gut wrench with guilt before his hands were on my shoulders. I didn't feel as bad after that subtle reminder of why I did it.

I shot all night. I didn't see her come back in. So when I was packing up to leave you can imagine my surprise when I saw her and Val exit his office.

"Charlie! What-what are you doing here?" I had hoped my efforts weren't in vain. "It's ok. I've gotten Valentino to agree to give you some time off and you won't even have to make up extra time at work." I was speechless. How did she manage that?

The heaviness in the air and almost painful silence gave me a chill. "What did you do?" I asked with worry. "I've agreed to take your place for a while. Its... its only temporary. You need to focus on your recovery and its my job to help you in any way I can."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. You'd think I'd be happy to get away from him for a bit but I just felt sick to my stomach. And i knew it wasn't right. But there was little I could do once a deal was made.

I learned that myself the hard way.

#hazbin hotel #vivziepop #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin angel dust #angel dust hazbin hotel #hazbin charlie #charlie hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel charlie #charlie morningstar #hazbin hotel fanfiction

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raccoonhearteyes · 1 year

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Hey dad, I would like some sort of advice from you or really anyone of your many anons if that's okay with you? It's a little bit of a story, so i apologize in advanced for the length and potential rambling. So I have a gf, whom I have known for about 10 years, but we have only been dating for about 3 or 4 months now. We get along great, communicating is fantastic, and we play around a lot and it's just been good over all so far. So a few days ago I was laying in bed and she was sitting up, and as a playful thing I put a cold water bottle on her back and it startled her and we laughed and blah blah, so a minute or two after that I decided to do it again just being playful, except her reaction wasn't the same as the first time. She kinda got mad and turned with her fist in the air like she was about to punch me. I absolutely froze thinking she was going to do it, and coming from a house where physical abuse was common, I kinda didn't know how to react, I just sat there expecting a blow, that never came. So immediately after she realized what she had done she apologized snd hugged me and said she was sorry she didn't know why she reacted that way, and she never wants something like that reaction to happen again. Basically it seemed like she was genuinely sorry, like she started crying and she just kept saying she didn't know why she reacted that way because she had never done that before and she's sorry and she'll never do it again and she's ashamed of that reaction and she kept asking if i was okay and if I needed space and all this other stuff, so to me it seemed genuine. I thought about it a lot the day after and I could not get it off my mind, so after work I asked to talk and we kinda talked about her reaction and it wasn't her intention, and she enjoys play wrestling with me and she's just ashamed and horrified that she acted that way. I guess my overall question for you or anyone, really, is how much of a red flag is that? In the entire 10ish years i have known her, she never really reacted badly to anything like that, even when I've done stuff like that in the past. I get that I kinda startled her and she might not have expected it to happen again, but man that reaction just kinda freaked me out a bit. I'm not entirely sure how to go about it all though. SO I'd appreciate any kind of advice

Startle responses vary a lot and it doesn’t suggest that someone is a violent person just because they jump into a fighting stance. That’s self protection for some people, even if it seems like it’s over something silly like cold water. If I’m tickled I kick and it’s not fully conscious but it’s like an OH NO I MUST GET OUT and that’s what my brain does. The important thing is that she recognized that she got a fist up, reassessed the situation, and was like “this is not the appropriate reaction” and put it down. A punch stance for a scare is totally reasonable and not a red flag. Y’all wrestling for fun is also totally fine but that’s more of a mutual joking that leads to it and not a surprise. If you just tackled her to the ground with no warning/build up, you might get hit and deservedly so because I think most people would react like they were being attacked. It WOULD be a red flag if that was a response to something like an argument or frustration with you. But this sounds like a purely fight or flight response. The fact that you’ve talked about it, she has apologized, and knows your background to try and be more mindful of it for the future is all green flags.

#rhe spam #my partner has a huge startle response and is easily scared #even if I am just in the room and they didn’t expect it THE JUMPS

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youre-all-i-wanted · 1 year

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Hi!! I have a favor to ask, for anyone who's interested, please read this and give me some feedback on this steddie fic. I'd love to hear your thoughts about what I have going so far. (I am aware that some things are inaccurate to canon and the time period but please try to ignore it for the sake of story telling haha) Any advice would be amazing. Thank you to anyone who reads this. Oh and I know I really need to work on characterization but that's just something I need more time to think about. If anyone has any ideas of any plot points or headcanons to add to this fic I'd absolutely love to hear suggestions!!! I'm really stuck right now so it would be highly appreciated. Please don't judge too much, this is my first time writing anything like this in 5 years. To be honest I'm kind of scared to post this but I'm going to take a leap of faith.

A steddie fanfic (name undetermined)::

CW/TW// alcoholism, drug use, mention of a razor (nothing relating to sh), unhealthy coping mechanisms in general

(I also briefly mention what happened when Eddie got attacked by demobats if that bothers you)

It had been months since they defeated Vecna. Things had been rough for all of them, the nightmares, the flashbacks, the paranoia. They were all on edge, hoping, praying, that everything was gone. That the upside down was closed off for good.

All of them had a difficult time adjusting back to normal life, but seemingly more than others, Steve was struggling hard. The insomnia was getting to him. It had been three days with barely any sleep and he was starting to get nervous.

Fear struck him deep and his blood ran cold when he could've sworn he saw something out by the pool last night, but like any other time, there was nothing there but the wind whistling through the trees.

It was driving him crazy, any time he jumped too hard at a flicker of a light or a creak in the floorboards. Overall, beyond the fear, beyond the dread, was guilt. He felt like he wasn't allowed to feel like this. The empty cavern in his chest and the pit in his stomach always made sure to remind him.

Sure he had been battling these monsters from another realm for years now but that had become his new normal. He couldn't compare his pathetic panic attacks to Eddie almost dying there. Bleeding out, laid across Dustin's lap. Eddie was hardly breathing, the way he looked at Steve, with glossy eyes. He looked terrified.

Eddie didn't really want to die, and it was a miracle he didn't. They had gotten back just in time to haul him through the portal and speed him to the hospital. Steve couldn't imagine the pain and the fear he must've felt.

In fact, he couldn't stop thinking about it. For whatever reason, it stuck out to him. Most of Steve's nightmares consisted of him, Nancy, and Robin not getting back in time to save Eddie, or watching his eyes roll back just for him to start floating. Steve hadn't told anyone.

Whenever Robin would ask him about his nightmares he'd just.. shut down. He couldn't talk about it, hell he could hardly stand thinking about it with how it made his chest tighten and his breathing pick up. He felt awful that he couldn't say anything to Robin. The Robin who had always told him about what she was going through, what her nightmares were like, what had thrown her into a panic.

Every single time, she was willing to share so that Steve would feel less alone, and yet, every single time it came up, Steve felt like a stubborn child for not being able to talk about it.

Why couldn't he just spit it out? It was so frustrating to want to talk about these things, to feel the need to talk about them and then have the words get caught by the lump in his throat. He was so tired of fighting the tears back. It felt so humiliating to cry in front of anyone, even Robin, no matter how many times he'd done it in the past.

He needed to drown it out. He'd tried so much so far, but nothing soothed the burning ache like drinking. He hadn't told anyone. Too ashamed to admit he was running away from everything when everyone else dealt with the aftermath in healthy ways.. or at least he thought everyone else.

•••••••••••

Eddie hadn't gone a night without smoking since he ran out of pain meds from the hospital. Everything was too much all at once and he couldn't cope without being out of his own head. Being sober was like a nightmare, time ticking by torturously slow.

He just needed to get out of his head, his body felt too tense, restless. His limbs didn't feel like his own no matter how much he moved around, it was a fruitless effort.

He grew sick of it quickly and started rumaging through his stash. He'd had a good amount of weed when he'd started but through deals and personal consumption, he was running low and with Reefer Rick out of town for the next week, his access to more was temporarily cut.

He only had enough for one more deal, just for enough money to help Wayne with the bills. Since he knew he couldn't smoke anything, he got to thinking. Suddenly, it hit him. He shot up from the couch in the trailer he shared with his uncle, running for his room.

Wayne always worked night shifts so he knew he wouldn't get caught. Heart rate picking up and head spinning he dug around looking for something he'd sworn he saw the other day.

Just as he thought, tucked away in the back of his closet, on a shelf covered by Dungeons and Dragons character pieces, was a small black tin. Bingo. He cracked it open slowly, not knowing whether he had misremembered, but there they sat.

Just a few bars of Xanax. Relief washed over him from his head down to his feet in a misty wave. His eyes settled on the white tablets, he could finally relax. He quickly decided he needed sleep, so instead of just swallowing it down he'd crush it up and inhale it. He took a razor from the bathroom and crushed a bar on his nightstand.

Around fifteen minutes is all it took to kick in, but a long fucking fifteen minutes it was. Finally, the world went quiet. He started to feel sluggish, like dead weight. Slowly crawling into bed and collapsing, is all he remembers.

••••••••••

Rays of light peeked through the gap in the curtains, flooding the room with a dull glow. Steve cracked open his eyes and winced, even the small amount of light feeling like a jab to his brain. This is the worst headache he's had in the past few weeks.

He knew he had responsibilities though so he begrudgingly rolled onto his side, opening his eyes just enough to glance over at his alarm clock, it read 9:24 am. Not bad for having work at 10:30. He groaned dragging his legs off the side of bed, his foot immediately catching on something. He looked down. Right.. an emptied bottle of vodka sat next to the bed frame.

He knew he was going to have to tell Robin eventually. The worried looks she'd given him every morning when they opened was enough to wear him down day after day, the guilt was practically eating him. Working at Family Video was already tiring enough, he didn't need Robin nagging at him to tell her what's been going on too.

••••••••••

Steve pulled into the driveway at Robin's, a little late since he had got caught up making sure his hair looked right. He could at least try to look presentable, as much as he could with the dark circles under his eyes.

"Hey dingus, what took you so long?" Robin said, jumping in the passenger side of Steve's car, settling in quickly. She then noticed how quiet Steve had been. "Are you okay? Another nightmare? You can talk to me you know."

She looked at him expectantly. His stomach dropped but he waved his hand dismissively. "Just thinking I guess." Robin didn't buy it but decided not to push. "If you're sure.." The drive there was filled with silence.

Steve wasn't sure how to bring up his issue without making it sound like a big deal.

So he just.. didn't.

It was a slow day for the first few hours, a couple customers here and there but not nearly a steady flow, typical for a Wednesday. Steve stood staring into the empty parking lot from behind the counter when Robin suddenly appeared next to him.

"Hey, are you sure you're alright?" Steve tinged at the concern laced in her voice. The last thing he wanted was to see her upset. Afterall she would always be his platonic soulmate, "platonic with a capital P", he'd hate to be the source of her sadness.

"Yeah, all good, I just get lost in my head sometimes, you know?" Robin slowly nodded, "Yeah, I get it, trust me it happens more than you'd think. Do you wanna talk about what's going on in your head or,"

She examined his facial expression closely, it looked.. pained? Almost guilty? Fuck, that's not good. She felt her heart clench in sympathy. Sensing she had overstepped, she quickly backpedaled. "you know what? Why don't you just rewind these and I'll get back to stocking the shelves?" Steve took a stack of tapes from her hands, humming a response while avoiding her eyes.

#writing #writers on tumblr #stranger things #steddie #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 writer #ao3 #ao3fic #eddie munson #steve harrington #robin buckley

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orange-orchard-system · 1 year

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I am only anonymous because I am new, and our Host may not appreciate revealing our system to others.

But I had a question. I stumbled upon your post about appreciating the kindness between headmates. How does one get other headmates to be kind to each other? The Host (they) and another (he) are in a fight right now... you see, he developed a crush on a friend's headmate... who likes him back... but the hosts are not interested in each other in any way other than platonically...

They got mad at him for his feelings and behaviors. There is more to it than that, but, for simplicity's sake that is story. Both of them are stuck in this panic, guilt, and anger. This fight is damaging both of them and thus the system as a whole... I wish to help them. How can I? It is alright if this question feels too personal. You do not have to answer, by any means, but I would appreciate any advice you could suggest...

I'm going to give you a disclaimer and say I'm not sure anything I have to say will be very helpful. We've never been in a situation like this, and we don't completely understand the issue here. But we'll do our best to give you some advice.

Firstly, a bit of a blunt question. Your host does know they don't have to take part in another headmate's relationship, right? Just because one headmate is dating someone from another system, that doesn't mean their fellow headmates also have to date people from the other system. The system hosts in this situation don't have to date each other, even if their headmates start dating each other. Just because Headmate A likes Headmate B, that doesn't mean Hosts C and D have to date. You're different headmates with different relationships. Ask yourself: would this be absolutely ridiculous if you were all singlets? Would it be ridiculous for, say, a club leader to think they have to start dating the leader of another club, just because members of both clubs are dating each other? I'm pretty sure the answer is yes, that would be a ridiculous thought process. The same goes for systems.

You. Do. Not. Have. To. Date. Someone. Just. Because. Your. Headmate. Is. Dating. Someone.

And I'm honestly concerned about why and how your host thought otherwise. If the other person didn't know you were a system, and you had to hide your true self as separate from the headmate who started the relationship, I could understand the issue here. But given the implication that both systems here are out to each other, this problem makes no sense to me.

(Pardon me if this comes off as passive aggressive. That's not my intention. I am just so baffled that I don't know how else to communicate that this is such a weird relationship problem that I'd only expect to see it on a third-rate sitcom.)

Moreover, I'm given to believe that they haven't actually started dating, based on your wording. Your host should not be policing your headmate's actions and feelings like this. Especially the feelings part, because that's not something people can control as well as their actions – attraction is not action nor indicative of a person's future actions, and all that jazz. A headmate having a crush on someone is not a good reason to get upset with them. Again, would this be ridiculous if you were singlets? The answer is, once again, yes, it's ridiculous to be upset with someone just for having a crush. I'm starting to think your host just needs a chill pill and to learn they're not any more important than anyone else in your system, because they're really starting to sound way too controlling.

*deep sigh* In case it got lost in the rant, let me sum it up for you.

Headmates can have different relationships from one another. Headmate A can have a romantic relationship with Person B while Headmate C has a platonic relationship with them. You don't all have to have the same relationship type. It's okay to have different relationships.

Your host sounds overly controlling from what you've said, and I think they need to learn that everyone else in their system are not subordinates to be bossed around nor puppets to command. They're just another headmate in their system, and aren't automatically better or an authority of your system. Your host needs to step back and realize that everyone else in your system deserves the same respect they would give to any singlet.

Because, really? Respect is the basis of how we "get other headmates to be kind with each other." We respect each other's feelings, input, and desires. If one of us is upset about something, we listen to what they need. If one of us wants to do something, we make time for them to do it. You get kindness by giving respect. It's really that simple. Just respect each other the same way you would if you were singlets with your own individual bodies. That's a mistake I think a lot of baby systems make – thinking that they can bypass respect because they share the same body. News flash, that's still rude of you to do; you have to give your headmates at least some basic respect and common courtesy, because otherwise you just end up miserable.

So, as for what you can do... try to get your headmates to realize how ridiculous this fight is and respect each other, I guess? Sit them down and tell them they have to work this out in a civil conversation? That usually works for us.

We might make a post in the future going into more detail about how we work together to establish mutual respect between headmates, but I think this post has gone on long enough. I hope this helps, because your situation has confused me so much that I really hope you can figure things out.

(final disclaimer that again, none of this is meant to be passive aggressive. Except maybe towards your host, because wth.)

#asks #crime.txt #takashi.txt #blue.txt #silas.txt #seventeen.txt #kitten.txt #tarot.txt #rémi.txt #zéro.txt #earliglow.txt #long post

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cljordan-imperium · 1 year

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WRITING QUESTIONS TAG GAME

I was tagged by @writingpotato07

Tagging - @late-to-the-fandom @shipping-through-eternity @saltysupercomputer

:readmore:

1. What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you've ever had?

The Horsemen. I was struggling with what to do with Abriella and her friends until the idea of the Horsemen came up. Then making Abbadon the 5th Horseman just made it better. Several years on and there are no shortage of ideas now. Sometimes I have to make a list and prioritize what direction to go in first. It also brings new ideas and introduced the Princes. Combining different theological beliefs and creating some of my own just made it even better.

2.Is there a question you've been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

Do I think I'm disrespecting anyone's religion? My answer is no. I borrow equally from all and change all. I credit the religion with the origin and admit my changes. I believe you either have to be able to touch all equally or avoid all. My personal beliefs play a part in it, as I believe we are all connected and that religions are just different interpretations of the same thing, so combining them is logical to me. This includes belief systems that are no longer practiced such as Greek, Roman and Egyptian.

3. What is your favorite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

I feel like it was a born storyteller. So for me getting the story out there and weaving it in a way that others can understand and enjoy is what I love the most. Coming up with new ideas and making sure they're fresh and new, something that no one has done before or doing in a way that hasn't been done before.

I think that the editing process is my least favorite part. I am a natural talker, so I could be a oratory storyteller a lot easier than I am a typed storyteller. Which is one reason that a lot of the times I will dictate into my talk to text app and order to get things down rather than trying to type them in. And then I go back and edit things to add in details or to round out the story rather than typing in the rough draft.

4. What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

From the time I was a young child, I've always had a story in my head. And the fact that with modern technology I can share that with other people and they're appreciation of those stories that are in my brain as well. It doesn't hurt that all these voices that I have going on in my head are rarely silent and that there is always something new that they're coming up with whether it's an idea for a new story or improving on a scene that I have already had moving.

5. What is the best piece of advice you've ever read or been given as a writer?

"Just fucking write it."

I had a creative writing teacher who did not withhold his thoughts. And that was his mantra every time we started class and we're working on anything. He would say - just fucking write it. Don't think about it, don't worry about it, don't overanalyze anything - just fucking write it. Through the years, some of my best writing pieces have always come when I have just set everything else aside and just wrote what was in my head. The more I think about something or stew on an idea trying to get it perfect before I sit down in front of the computer, the worse it comes out. So now I just - fucking write it.

6. What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

This may sound weird, but I wish I'd known I wasn't alone. I started out writing because I was a severe introvert and have since been diagnosed as an adult with Asperger's. At the time no one had ever discussed such a diagnosis or even suggested any such thing. And I felt like such a oddity that I found such comfort and warmth in writing with these fictional characters and people that didn't exist. And as I have grown up and matured, and read the writing experience of other authors, I have seen that we have so much in common in our inspiration and the way the characters speak to us.

7. What is your favorite story you've written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you'd like and can!

I have never published it, nor will I ever. It was something I wrote to heal from childhood trauma. And I worked through a lot of emotions while writing it and it took over a year to complete and it will never be seen by anyone other than myself. But I am more proud of that piece of writing than anything that I could write before or after. Part of that is not in the quality of the writing, although it is the same as anything that you will see on my page, but it comes that the emotions that will work through and expressed in the writing or so raw and real.

8. What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

"Love isn't soft like poets say. Love has teeth that bite and the wounds never close."

Stephen King

9. Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

Oh, there is more than one. Leviathan, Gabriel, Damien, Asmodeus..I could go on with more than a few of the characters that you will meet. And what I say to that is that the world is full of evil people. They are irredeemable. There is no tragic backstory or explanation for why they are the way they are. They just are. I don't necessarily like them, I definitely do not approve of what they think or do. However to have a fully rounded story, not every character can be good and valiant and admirable. There are the evil and disgusting beings and characters. It doesn't mean I condone what they think or say. All it says is that there are these beings in creation somewhere. And I hate some of my own characters, and I invite any of my readers to hate them as well. Not every character has to be loved or liked, some deserve to be hated, and even more of them deserve to die.

10. If you when you first started writing met you now, what would younger you think?

I believe that she would be surprised that we're still writing. It was started as a way to cope with the way that life was, and it became something that I thoroughly enjoy and is a passion. I think that she would be proud of all that has been written, the hundreds of chapters in Abriella’s story and the story of others who are not published here on tumblr. I would also hope that it would give her hope for the future, because I know the chapter of my life I was in when I started. And that she would see that the darkness is not something necessarily to be feared, it is just something that you go through and that there is light on the other side.

THE IMPERIUM CHRONICLES TAG LIST - @ceph-the-ghost-writer @kjscottwrites @writingpotato07 @saltysupercomputer @careful-pyromancer @late-to-the-fandom @autumnalwalker @perasperaadastrawriting @fearofahumanplanet @jessica-writes22 @dogmomwrites @mjjune @verba-writing

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chosonore · 3 years

Text

infatuation

infatuation [noun. strong but not usually lasting feelings of love or attraction]

pairing: kamo choso/f!reader

summary: in a spurt of recklessness, you hire an escort to help you learn about relationships and intimacy. what you didn't expect was to fall in love with him along the way. [part of the kamo escorts collab]

wordcount: 23.3k

content/warnings: escorts au, slow burn, language, smut!!!, fluff, soft dom!choso, reader is very oblivious and painfully awkward, awkward firsts, dry humping, handjobs, oral sex (m + f receiving), fingering, uh somewhat public sex, loss of virginity, oral fixation, praise kink, lowercase is intended [VERY VERY UNEDITED]

a/n: hello here it is and finally done!!! i've been sitting at this for a week straight now and while i'm not super happy with it, it would've been a shame to just throw it out tbh. writing improvement is a slow progress after all! i'm dedicating this to @sukirichi who always hyped me up while i was writing this, happily welcomed me to the collab and who always supports my writing and i really appreciate it. thank you, from the bottom of my heart! (argh i have so many cut scenes that i ran out of space for dividers, sorry! hope the reading flow still makes sense though)

"that's what you were so worried about?" nobara looked at you incredulously, as if you grew two heads and asked for her firstborn. "you were scared that guys don't like you because you've never dated anyone?"

you let out an embarrassed whine, pushing at her arm in an attempt to get her to shut up. it wasn't your fault that she jumped to (multiple and very wrong) conclusions when you'd called her and maki, asking them to meet up so you could ask for advice. even maki looked mildly amused, patting your head apologetically. you were well aware of how ridiculous your issue sounds - the topic of dating had always made you anxious. you came from a very wealthy family that always sheltered and protected you from everything. you were their precious little girl after all; your father would rather drop dead than have you mingle with people who didn't treat you well and didn't deserve you. they meant well and it had never been an issue until you moved out to attend university (your parents had acted like you were leaving to travel the world and would never return, when really, you only moved two hours away from home).

even though nobara, maki and you had quickly become friends after you'd met at an event, you were wary to tell them about your background. it worried you, knowing how some people would treat you differently just to get on your good side and use you, so you opted to skirt around it as much as possible. it took you months until you opened up to them when you finally mustered up enough courage and trust to do so. they kept your secrets ever since, always protecting you and looking out for you. you were truly glad to be their friend. the two of them had grown suspicious when you kept declining their invites to join them for parties or to simply go to a bar and you were slowly starting to feel more and more guilty until you couldn't take it anymore and just confessed, asking them for advice.

"so that's why you're nervous even around inumaki," nobara concluded, propping her chin up in thought. "i didn't think your parents would be this protective. do they know that you want to start dating now?"

"no…" you confessed, fidgeting in your seat. "my dad, he um- he means well and usually has a good radar when he says that a guy doesn't deserve me. but i thought it was time to venture out on my own. it's good to have some experience, right?"

"i mean you're not wrong but i don't want you to be asking for advice simply because you feel pressured about dating since everyone else is doing it," maki retorted, giving you a concerned look.

you quickly shook your head. it wasn't that you felt pressured about not having any experience yet. you didn't necessarily want to admit to them that you were a hopeless romantic and liked the idea of being with someone; in the end, it was your own decision to venture. men made you nervous, you didn't know how to act around them and the thought of approaching a stranger by yourself was too scary. maybe it was a better idea to find someone to show you the ropes first, you felt embarrassed about your lack of knowledge and skills and - it wouldn't hurt to have some kind of dating training, right?

"i mean, technically, you could just ask one of the guys to take you out on a fake date. i'm sure megumi wouldn't mind," nobara was already pulling out her phone, making you grabbing her hand in panic and furiously shaking your head.

"i don't want to get them involved in this! it would make things pretty awkward and that's the last thing i would want. isn't there any other solution?" you explained quietly, playing with the hem of the dress. you felt bad for rejecting all their suggestions but you simply didn't want to be a burden to your other friends either.

"well," nobara and maki looked at each other grinning. "you could hire a fake boyfriend."

"really? you can hire tho-"

"escorts, y/n, escorts," nobara pushed her phone over to you, pointing on the screen. frowning, you read the little description. kamo escorts. you'd never thought about hiring someone, let alone knew enough about the topic. judging from nobara's face, she seemed to be well versed and it made you slightly suspicious.

"it's the easiest way for you and you have enough money to pay for their service. it's convenient, you can adjust it to your schedule and they'll send someone who fits your preferences. you choose the spot for your date and they'll make it happen, right? it's perfect and you don't have to worry about getting anyone involved," she explained, tapping at the bottom of the screen. "just give them a call, they'll walk you through the entire process. if you don't like it, you can find someone else or just abort mission."

"what do you mean they'll send someone who fits my preferences?" it did sound like an easy process, almost too easy. something was bound to go wrong, you could feel it. "i don't even know what my preferences are, so how could they possibly-"

"y/n, you might be blind but we are not," maki flicked your forehead playfully, she was more perceptive than you. "if you want, you can call them right now and we'll help you with the preferences, okay? maybe that'll ease your nerves a little."

"now?" you squeaked, eyes widening in horror. you weren't prepared at all; when you invited them over you were only planning to gather advice and then act on it.

"yeah! come on, it'll be fun and it's not like they can see your face," nobara grinned and was already dialing the number, moving away from you agilely before you could snatch the phone out of her hands. you wanted the earth to swallow you, why did they think that this was a good id-

"good evening, thank you for calling kamo escorts. my name is ijichi, how may i help you?" a male voice sounded from the phone, you instinctively dove behind the couch but maki was quicker and pulled you back with one fluid motion. curse her strength and speed.

"yes, hi, my friend here would like to hire an escort but she's too shy to do so, so we're helping her with the entire process. i hope you don't mind?"

"if it helps to ease the nerves, not at all."

nobars nudged you, holding the phone out. you pouted at her, shaking your head like a stubborn child. she rolled her eyes and pushed the phone into your hand forcefully, making you panic as you didn't want ijichi hearing your wrangling.

"um, yes, i- i'd like to hire someone but- ah nobara already mentioned that! it's for… for dates! i just need someone to go on dates with me."

"i see. is this a formal event?"

"n-no! i just need dating training of sorts, so casual is fine… if i do need to attend a formal event in the future, would that be a problem?"

"not at all, simply let us know when booking. our escorts are trained to be able to adapt to any situation and event, there is nothing you need to worry about, miss. do you have any specific preferences?"

"uh i-"

nobara leaned over your shoulder. "she prefers more mature guys! someone who's caring and attentive, someone who's not too outgoing and loud, it has to match her energy! since this is date training, there's probably going to be a lot of awkwardness so we'll need someone who is patient too. someone who can act like the best boyfriend to ever boyfriend. as for looks, i think she's fine with everything- although wait, maybe dark hair. yep, dark hair."

you couldn't believe her, she practically directed the entire call for you as if she'd made a plan beforehand, knowing that it would come to this. there was no doubt that she'd had this in mind, this was nobara after all. maki, on other hand, was watching you amused; she didn't usually engage in whatever shenanigans nobara was up to but she was always a bystander who very much enjoyed your reaction just now.

"miss, do you agree with the listed preferences?" ijichi asked after a moment of silence. you could hear him typing and occasionally scribbling on paper.

"yeah, yes, that's fine. is it possible to book him on weekends? i don't know if this is going to work out just yet so maybe once a week on fridays? i've never done this before so yeah."

"that is doable, yes. if you wish to engage in sexual relations, you may discuss it with your escort. these services come at an additional cost, of course."

"i don't-"

nobara interrupts you again, smirking at you cheekily. "it would be beneficial, so please take that into consideration when choosing the escort!"

"alright, thank you," ijichi went silent for a minute while he was organizing the files and schedules. "there are some possible candidates with whom i have to check with first. i will get back to you, should they agree to the job. after that we can exchange personal information and contacts so we can discuss the matter further."

"okay um. thank you, mr ijichi, i appreciate your help," you thanked him bashfully, giving him your number before thanking him again. you were already so deep in thought that you didn't even listen to his reply. now you've really gone and done it. were you crazy? what if your parents found out? they'd riot and be immensely disappointed in you. getting some dating experience through dating an escort, only nobara could ever come up with something like this.

"how do you feel?" maki inquired and rubbed your shoulders in concern, seeing how quiet you suddenly grew. weakly shrugging with your shoulders, you grasped the fabric of your shirt and nervously fiddled with it. the entire ordeal filled you with anxiety, a myriad of thoughts circling in your brain. it was the first time doing something "reckless" and it left you feeling nauseous.

"i'm not sure." you hesitated. "i'm curious to see how it goes but it just makes me really nervous. how do i act around him? and what if he finds me weird?"

"i don't think he's going to think you're weird just because you get nervous around guys. and besides, ijichi said he'd find the perfect guy for you, yeah? don't worry about it too much. if you don't feel comfortable after the first date, we'll figure something out."

"i guess so… um, but you guys don't mind accompanying me to it? just to make sure it's not some weird guy?" upon seeing your hopeful face, the two girls couldn't say no - of course not, you were their precious, innocent friend. as amusing as this situation was to them, they wanted nothing more than to support you and see you happy as well. you had already done a tiny step out of your little, sheltered world and much more was to come.

the ring of your phone nearly scared you to death, making you drop the book you were holding. quietly cursing, you picked it up and placed it on the table before answering the phone. who was even calling you at this time? everyone knew you were busy in the evening, slaving away on your assignments. it must be really important to interrupt your workflow like this- you almost dropped your phone in shock when you recognized ijichi's voice on the other side. admittedly, you forgot about the entire ordeal and didn't expect him to get back to you so soon. "good evening, ms y/n. i'm calling you regarding your inquiry so we can finalize all the details."

"u- uhm yes! thank you for calling!"

although ijichi was kind and patient, you were still nervous as you scribbled the details on a piece of paper. your escort's name was choso, he was a few years older than you and his schedule was very flexible. there wasn't more info, ijichi had announced that choso would call you as soon as possible. dread filled your stomach - it was nerve wracking to meet new people, not to mention someone you hired to be your fake boyfriend for the day. and now that you knew he was calling, all focus and concentration was thrown out the window. silently, you sat at the table and stared at your phone, waiting for the screen to light up. maki and nobara didn't need to know about this new development just yet as you wanted to navigate this on your own before telling them.

not too long after, your phone rang again, an unknown number flashing across the screen. it had to be him. even though you mentally prepared yourself for minutes, the anxiety came back full force. with trembling hands, you picked up, holding your breath as you waited for an answer. a deep, rather dulcet voice greeted you from the other side. you liked the sound of his voice, it almost put you at ease if it wasn't for your mind that constantly reminded you what was going on. you hastily introduced yourself to him and told him why you were requesting his services. the entire time, he was silent and let you speak - although you appreciated that he didn't interrupt you, every second that was passed in silence agonized you.

"hello y/n, my name is choso and i'll be your escort for the time being. ijichi told me you were looking for someone to pose as your fake boyfriend?"

"ah, uh yes sort of! i don't… have any experience when it comes to boyfriends and that kind of stuff. and i- i just wanted to learn what it's like to d- date and- and," your voice got smaller and smaller, until it was a mere whisper that was filled with all kinds of embarrassment that you felt. you couldn't help it, hopefully choso was still able to decipher what you were explaining. "you know, k- kissing and all that stuff. i've never done it with anyone before."

"i see," choso paused for a second, making your heart race. "i can't say i've had this situation before but i'm confident in my skills to guide you through this. before we first meet, let's set some boundaries so you feel comfortable at all times, okay?"

you hummed and nodded, although he couldn't see you over the phone. choso sounded like what nobara had described your ideal type - ijichi really had delivered and chosen the best possible match. choso knew what to say and how to steer the conversation in such a way that it didn't make you feel helpless or anxious. and you, in turn, felt like you could trust him with this issue.

"y- yes! uhm when i first called ijichi, a friend of mine helped me with the process and requested someone who was comfortable with sexual relations but… uh, to be honest, i never thought of requesting them. i'm not entirely sure if i want to do it either… i want to approach this in a slow manner, as slow as possible."

"alright, i can work with that. as for our first meeting, have you picked a time and location?"

you sighed in relief. choso seemed like a really nice and understanding person, leaving most of the options up to you. you knew it was part of his job but it felt nice to know that he was so forthcoming and accommodating. for the first date, you’d chosen a nice restaurant that had good reviews and little private booths. even though there was no way your father would ever magically appear and find out about your escapades, you were still trying to be secretive and cautious. the restaurant was situated in a widespread estate with beautiful gardens, the perfect spot to take stroll after dinner. in all the romance books you’d consumed, these type of dates seemed to be very popular - you thought to yourself why not? as you discussed your plans with him, you briefly wondered what he looked like. it felt weird asking him about it and you'd meet him soon anyways. maybe he looked like what you thought his personality was - like a prince charming? the prince that your dad had always assured you would come along. a small giggle left your lips at the thought of it; it was silly to believe it would turn out to be the love of your life. though it made you giddy thinking of your prince charming.

“is everything okay?”

“ah sorry, everything’s fine! i just had a silly thought a moment ago, that’s all,” reassuring choso quickly, you rubbed your cheeks in embarrassment. he must’ve thought that you were going crazy. “anyways, thank you for um, everything. i feel more comfortable now that i’ve discussed the details with you, thank you for being so patient. i look forward to meeting you!”

on the other end, choso hesitated, startled by your sudden enthusiasm when you were rather shy and timid before. it seemed that you were willing to open up a little more. he was curious himself, never having dealt with such a case before. usually, only experienced people who were looking for eye candy to accompany them to fancy events would hire him. he couldn’t imagine what you were like before meeting - it was nicer to get to know you in person after all, for the sake of a date setting. still, how were you able to afford the services? considering you were most likely a college student, he couldn’t fathom what lengths you went just to gain some experience. though he supposed, he shouldn’t judge you too quickly.

“i look forward to meeting you as well. see you on saturday, y/n.”

for hours you’d gone back and forth between outfits - casual? or more cute? maybe a mix of both? maki wasn’t much of a help either, mostly just giving you a thumbs up for every outfit while nobara had something to criticize about every outfit. you sighed, tossing yet another shirt onto the heaping pile of clothes. it was hard trying to impress someone that you didn’t know. the last item on your list was a simple, flowy dress and it seemed to be the best fit. you didn’t want to agonize over the choices any longer, seeing that the date was inching closer and closer. maki looked like she was bored out of her mind as well, scrolling through her phone as she was lounging on your couch with nobara. “are you sure you’ll be fine?” maki questioned you again. she was relieved about your good mood, how you were less apprehensive about the entire ordeal. when you first told them about choso after the phone call, you sounded slightly excited and were gushing about how nice he had been. you were hopeful that you could learn a lot from him. however, maki couldn’t help but worry about you, constantly making sure you were feeling okay.

“i’m sure i’ll be fine, don’t worry! we agreed to just have dinner today and let me test the waters… we’re really just doing whatever i feel comfortable doing for now,” you explained to the two of them, smoothing out the dress before grabbing your bag. “so yeah, i’m ready, i think. i mean if anything was to happen, i’ll let you know right away. i really have to go now though, you guys coming?”

nobara made a noise of protest, not wanting to get up from your bed which promptly earned her a nudge from maki. you giggled at your friend’s antics, grasping her arm to pull her up. as lighthearted and happy as you acted, you tried to hide your nervousness in front of your friends. worrying them did no good. as the three of you made your way to the restaurant, you checked your phone to see a text message from choso who asked to meet you in front of the building. you agreed, telling him that you would be there soon. the phone pinged again, choso had sent you a simple smiley. it made you grin a little, earning a suggestive glance from nobara whom you gently shoved.

"text us if anything happens, yeah? we can also pick you up afterwards so don't worry about it," maki reminded you again as you rounded the corner of the street, stopping mere meters in front of the restaurant so you could say goodbye to them. again, you reassured them that you would do as they suggested. you would be fine, because after all, choso was a professional. waving at your friends’ retreating figures, you slowly walked towards the entrance and let your eyes wander. the streets were busy, you couldn’t immediately make out anyone who was waiting in front of the restaurant. not that you really knew what choso looked like, you just hoped your search wouldn’t get more difficult with people waiting in the front. glancing at your reflection on the windows of a parking car, you made sure that you looked presentable and approachable.

“y/n?” your soul nearly left your body as you got startled by a deep voice behind you, now suddenly being aware of the figure behind you. whirling around, you almost hit the other person with your small bag with the swing. your eyes widened and you apologized profusely, fussing around to make sure the person was okay until you paused. wait a minute. this person knew your name. abruptly leaning back so you could look at the person’s face - they were very, very tall - you incredulously stared at them before spluttering: “c- choso? you’re choso?”

the taller male nodded, gently grasping your shoulders to steady you. on your bare skin, his hands felt scalding hot, making you painfully aware of how close you stood to each other. choso, for a lack of better terms, looked nothing like you’d expected but you couldn’t complain. he was attractive, very much so. he almost fit into the bad boy category, the type of men your dad would never let you close to. you felt inexplicably drawn to choso, like a moth to flames and you just couldn’t look away. he stared back at you, dark eyes glinting with concern as he took in your form. as your voice had suggested, you appeared to be a rather shy and timid person, looking at him like a deer in headlights. choso thought you were adorable, the way you were holding onto the sleeves of his shirt to not fall.

“i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to hit you! you just really scared me there,” you apologized again, letting go of the fabric in embarrassment. luckily, he didn’t seem to mind, patiently waiting until you were composed again.

“don’t worry about it, i’m okay. it’s nice to finally meet you. should we head inside?” he offered you his arm which you gratefully took and followed him inside. truth to be told, you were starstruck by him, still too flabbergasted to say another word. thankfully, choso had picked up on your speechlessness, silently chuckling to himself as he led you to your private booth. you sat across from him, quietly thanking the waiter as he handed you the menu. eyes flitting back and forth between it and choso, you fiddled with the hem of your dress. what would you even talk about? you felt awkward, not knowing what to ask him; your confidence had suddenly vanished with the earlier incident.

“you look like you’re about to faint,” choso teased you, giving you a cheeky smile. “i’m not gonna bite you, i promise. i’m supposed to be your fake boyfriend, right? ask me whatever you want, just act like we’re good friends. it’ll get better with time.”

you nodded eagerly, face heating up at the mention of boyfriends. how does one even act around them without prior experience? let’s not dwell on it for too long, you thought to yourself. fidgeting on your seat, you pointed at the menu. "do you already know what you'll be getting? a lot of people online recommended their signature dish so i thought we could try it… but all of their dishes sound really good!"

“how about we order different dishes and try from each other then?” choso suggested in response, amusedly watching how your eyes lit up at his idea. you nodded quickly, delving back into the menu to find your desired dish. glancing over to his side to see what he was looking at, you then pushed your menu over to him, pointing at the dish you would be ordering. choso nodded in understanding, skimming the pages until he found a dish that complimented it. not wanting to let you wait any longer, he gave the waiter a sign, ordering for the two of you. across of him, you stayed quiet, still contemplating what to ask him.

“feel free to ask me anything,” choso reminded you again, propping his chin on his hand and leaned closer to you. “when you first get to know someone, dates are really just to spend time with each other and getting to know the other person. if there’s something you two have in common, you’ll just go from there and bond over it, yeah?”

humming in thought, you nodded and looked up at him. “so uhm… what do you like to do in your free time? i’m still in uni, so i spend most of my days studying. but i really like reading when i’m free and i also volunteer at an animal shelter. the pets there make me really happy!”

“my job takes up the majority of my time, so i try to spend time with family and friends as much as possible. my younger brother has gotten me into surfing and paddle boarding, i really enjoy doing that. what do you study, if i may ask?”

“i want to become a veterinarian in the future! it’s been my dream ever since i was younger, so yeah… you said you have a younger brother? i have an older sister but we don’t have much in common since she’s a lot older than me. but um surfing! so you spend a lot of time at the beach, right? i haven’t been there in a long time.”

“if you still wish to continue after today’s date, we could go to the beach next time? i can teach you, it’s not that difficult.”

surprised, your eyes widened at his suggestion. he seemed to be confident that there would be a next time and you couldn’t even deny that possibility. so far, you were easing into the conversation more and more - the process was more natural than the whole setting suggested. though he still made you nervous, he had been nothing but respectful of your space and friendly. not to mention that you were attracted to him as well; if you hadn’t hired him, you could imagine actually getting close to him.

"i- i'd love that." as you told him more about yourself and listened to his stories, you didn’t notice how much time had passed until the waiter suddenly appeared in front of you, presenting you the dishes. your mouth was watering at the sight of the delicious dishes, you couldn’t wait to dig in. quickly thanking the waiter, you then took a bite from the dish after he left. you sighed in satisfaction, taking your time to properly taste the first bite.

“this is so good, you need to try it!” you gushed, pushing your plate closer to the middle of the table. choso chuckled, sharing his plate with you as well. as you took in all the side dishes, he'd already taken it upon himself to pick up a smaller piece with his chopsticks, nudging it towards you. you looked at him confused, then back at the small piece of food. was he trying to-? carefully, you leaned in and let him feed you, confusion and hesitation immediately melting at the taste. the food made you happy, but the unusual intimacy and closeness that he just showed you wasn't lost in between the myriad emotions.

as you had dinner, the previous conversation continued. choso was a few years older than you, has been working in this industry for two years now and preferred coffee over tea. he disliked early mornings and liked to sleep in until noon. his most precious and valued object was a polaroid camera, he wanted to have photos commemorating important occasions or moments that were special to him. all these little details made you feel like he was less of an escort that you'd hired but more of a friend. much to your surprise, the conversation ran smoothly and there were no awkward, silent gaps. you supposed it was only natural; you felt comfortable with him so it was easy to talk. had it been any other guy who didn't understand you or your intentions so well, you probably would've closed up.

"do you want to take a stroll around the estate? i heard the gardens are really beautiful," you asked choso, a hopeful glint in your eyes. dinner was finished long ago, silence filled with light conversation and teasing from choso’s side. you weren’t sure where to go from this or how to suggest being… more intimate. choso had suggested you would go slow - but how slow was too slow? and if you were to go with the flow, when would be the right time?

“i would love to,” choso’s reply pulled you out of your thoughts, focusing your attention back to him. lost in your thoughts, you nodded and called a waitress over to pay the bill. you felt choso’s gaze on you, making you queasy. what did he think of you? or this entire ordeal? you wondered. as he stood up and moved behind you, you nearly jumped out of your skin when he placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you out of the restaurant. the touch was unfamiliar, heavy and scalding even through your clothes, but not unwelcome. a strange feeling welled up in your chest, crawling its way up your throat, constricting it in such a way that it distracted you from coherent thoughts.

seeming to notice your conflict, choso stepped to the side, offering you his hand. you glanced at it, hesitating. “boyfriend experience, remember?” he grinned at you, patiently waiting until you took his hand. his hand was much bigger, almost entirely engulfing yours as you intertwined your fingers. gently swinging your arms back and forth with the flow, choso lead the way through the paths of the garden. having looked forward to it, you suddenly found yourself too distracted by him. the flowers and trees were beautiful and so were the statues but he was the one that caught your attention.

“my hands aren’t sweaty, are they?” you asked after a moment of silence, stopping to face choso. he laughed and shook his head, flicking your forehead gently.

“stop worrying about things too much, you’ll be fine. you don’t see me complaining, do you?”

“i mean that’s true… but i can’t help it! there’s just a lot to uh, think about…” your voice trailed off, you let his hand go to cover your face in embarrassment. choso inched closer to you, grasping your hands to pry them off your face. remaining stubborn, you pulled them back in, a giggle breaking from your lips when he tried again, playfully pinching your cheeks.

“want me to take your mind off said things?” he asked with a low voice, inching in further until your back hit a tree trunk behind you. he was so close, too too close. weakly, you pushed at his chest, trying to get him to back off. the sudden closeness that threw you off - your heart was racing at a million miles an hour, the endless possibilities dancing around your head. “how so?” your voice came out quiet and breathless, as if you were anticipating anything, something… his touch perhaps?

“do you feel comfortable with me?” without hesitating, you nodded in agreement. choso didn’t question you any further, simply gave you a knowing smile before diving in and pressing his lips against yours. instinctively, you stiffened, hands clenching around the fabric of choso’s shirt. breath caught up in your throat, you struggled to ease into it. you pulled away from him, squeezing your eyes shut in shame.

“i’m sorry that-”

“don’t apologize,” choso comforted you quickly, clasping your hands in his and intertwining them. thumbs gently rubbing the back of your hands, he lifted one of them to press a kiss against your knuckles. you blinked perplexed; your heart fluttered at the gesture. “don’t overthink it, there’s no science to it, yeah? just follow the flow, whatever feels good. we’ll go from there.”

giving you a moment to collect yourself, he leaned back in, silently waiting for permission. again, your breath hitched but this time, it wasn’t the nervousness. it was his eyes that drew you in, demanding all of your attention. dark, with unknown depths, that glimmered with mischief. ever so slightly, you tilted your head up to meet his lips. his warm lips pressed against yours, slowly testing the waters and letting you set the pace before deepening the kiss. now less hesitant, you kissed him back with more fervour, losing yourself in the feeling. it felt awkward and strange now that you let him guide you, leaving more space for you to ponder about the feeling that it evoked inside of you. you were glad he was holding your hands, otherwise you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. the kiss brought forth a pleasant, tingling feeling - the sort of feeling that pulled you in, lulling you in warmth.

when choso pulled away, you almost mewled in disappointment, chasing after him. he let out a breathy laugh, cupping your cheek. “how did that feel? was it okay?”

“y- yeah, i liked it. felt very strange at first but once i was able to ease into it, it was… more natural and felt really good,” you explained to him shyly, leaning into his hand. longingly, you gazed at him. would it be weird to ask for another kiss? you wanted explore the feelings more, the intimacy of it, wanted to feel more of him. as if sensing that you were craving more, choso leaned in again, stopping a few centimeters in front of your face. with a sudden surge of boldness, you closed the distance between you, leaning up to kiss him. choso's arm snaked around your waist, pressing you closer to his body. gradually your body felt hotter, a dull ache accompanying it, spreading across the expanse of your stomach.

before you could act on the urge, choso pulled away again, pressing an apologetic kiss to the corner of your lips. "sorry, i don't want to get too carried away and we're… uh in public," he laughed at your horrified expression upon realizing your mistake. "i take it that you're still comfortable with this? do let me know if it gets too overwhelming for you.”

“n- no, it’s fine! it was uh, an interesting insight. i just wasn’t expecting to really get into this, considering- considering i hired you for this and don’t really know you.”

choso hummed in agreement. “i guess there has to be at least a smidge of attraction for it to work, yeah?” you looked at him stunned, trying to decipher the look in his eyes. you couldn’t place it; couldn’t place the feeling of longing that was emerging in you. when he looked at you like that, it was difficult to remind yourself that he was just an escort that you hired for your personal problems. when he looked at you like that, it filled you with warmth, making you want to pretend that he really cared about you as if you were in a relationship.

“yeah… yeah, i guess so.”

nervously, you were twiddling with your phone, contemplating whether to text choso or not. after the last “date”, you felt confident enough in continuing your… relationship of sorts. he was great at guiding you, always making sure you were comfortable and moving at your pace. you did let him know that you would book another session, you just hadn’t set up a date or time yet. and casually texting him felt awkward. hey, how’s your day? oh by the way, i wanna book another session so we can make out haha? maybe calling was a better idea. there was no plan ahead, never did you think you would even get this far.

the dial tone made you nervous. you chewed on your bottom lip as you waited for him to pick up, bouncing your leg up and down. maybe he was busy? it was early in the afternoon after all, he was probably already out with other clients. “hello? y/n?” choso sounded groggy, his voice raspy and deep as if he’d just gotten up. it sent electric shocks right down your spine, raising goosebumps across your skin. never had you thought about a man’s morning voice before, but choso had you wondering, imagining. you spluttered: “oh hey uh are you busy? i’m not interrupting you with something, am i?”

“not at all, i just got up,” choso admitted with a quiet chuckle. “everything okay? are you calling in for another appointment?”

“ah, yeah! i thought that we worked quite well and there’s still a few more things i want to learn with you, if you’re up for it? if you’re comfortable with it too, of course!”

“mhmm, i wouldn’t mind,” choso pondered from the other side. sounds of rustling and a few clangs resounded before you could clearly hear his voice again. you were glad that he agreed to it, meaning that you weren’t entirely… hopeless in that department. for days, his words were ghosting around in your head, a constant reminder that he seemed to find you attractive as well. not that he showed it, staying professional despite the nature of your relationship. it was nice to imagine that someone would look at you like that, at your shy and timid self.

choso was meticulous about his work, working on every detail and concern until he was satisfied. even though he looked so easy going, from time to time he had to admit that he was a perfectionist and easily frustrated when something didn't go the way he expected. so when you rolled around, so innocently asking for help, it threw him off. the feelings of confusion grew when he first met you, unable to pinpoint the origin of this urge, possessive and demanding, reaching its tendrils out to you. the way you reached out to him for help, the fact that you wanted to continue, wanted him to teach you. it thrilled him to the core when it really should not. he had to remain professional. but he was curious, so curious. indulging a little wouldn't hurt, right?

to choso's surprise, the next venue you'd chosen was the own comfort of your home. you were barely acquaintances, more like strangers, and yet you felt confident to invite him here. at the phone you had told him that your friends thought you had weird ideas about dates due to only seeing glorified versions of them on tv shows and movies. it embarrassed you enough to take their advice, inviting choso over for a movie night as opposed to visiting another fancy venue with him. prior to the date, you went through movie suggestions and rented the ones that you thought were interesting and enjoyable for the two of you. despite your put together attire and look, your apartment did not reflect the sentiment. it was a little chaotic; books and paper stacking up in every free corner of the apartment, pens strewn across surfaces and here and there choso could spot memorabilia and photos.

you gave choso an apologetic look when you let him in. despite your best efforts to clean up, you were still not happy with the outcome. tidying wasn't your strong suit but you tried to make it as accommodating as possible. choso assured you that he didn't mind at all, telling you that it added to the charm of the apartment. it was unusual to have someone other than your friends or family in the apartment - your home was your sacred space that you rarely ever showed anyone else, let alone someone you had hired. choso took a seat on the couch, turning to look at you as you went to grab some glasses and drinks.

"i uh, told my friends about my plans and they just told me i have weird expectations of dates," you explained choso, placing the items you'd grabbed on the coffee table and rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly. "they said it would probably just be better to have a simple movie night since a lot of people do that. and it would… make things a lot easier i- if we go fu- further…" the implication was hanging in the air, you didn't dare to speak them out. choso gave you a knowing smile, patting the empty space beside him. gingerly, you sat next to him, squeaking in surprise when he snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you to his side. with wide eyes, you stared at him, still trying to wrap your head around the casual close proximity with the taller male.

wordlessly, you started a random movie, trying to focus on it. throughout the duration of it, choso would ask you questions about your day, how uni was going or whether you felt comfortable. you couldn't focus, not with him being so close. how you made it through the first movie you didn't know. you were hyper aware of choso's wandering hands, the ghost touches his fingers left, how he absentmindedly rubbed your legs that were resting on his lap. straining to keep your eyes on the screen, your neck already felt stiff from the tension.

"i can tell that you're distracted, you know?" choso hummed, hands squeezing your legs gently to catch your attention. pretending to not be affected by it, you shook your head. you didn't want to show him that you wanted to proceed, not yet.

"i'm trying to concentrate," you shushed him quietly, playfully pushing at his arm but still not looking over to him. silence. you assumed you'd convinced him that there was nothing wrong until you felt his hands innocently move a little higher, rubbing the top of your thighs. clenching your fists, you stayed put, unwavering in your resolve. choso's hands wandered, alternating between featherlight touches to using more pressure. he kept his eyes on you, gauging your reactions to him. you brought your hand up to cover half of your face. it was embarrassing, the way your breath came out laboured in response. without warning, arms were hooked under your knees, dragging you across the couch and seated you on his lap. you made a noise in protest, now finally paying attention to him. choso wasn’t sure why but it had bothered him that you were so adamant on keeping your attention on the movie as opposed to keeping your eyes on him.

choso wasn’t sure why but he craved your attention, wanted you to look at him only. his resolve crumbled when you looked at him with wide eyes, grasping the sleeves of his shirt to steady yourself. he couldn’t help but kiss you, swallowing your surprised mewl before you returned the kiss. pleased at your eagerness, he gradually deepened the kiss, licking at the seams of your lips. you gasp in surprise and parted your lips slightly, whimpering in anticipation. it felt unfamiliar and yet thrilling at the same time, fueling and flaring up the dull ache in the pit of your stomach. before choso could go any further, you pulled away and hid your face in the crook of his neck. “what’s wrong? did i go too far?” he questioned concerned, rubbing your back in soothing circles.

“no, no, not at all,” reassuring him quickly, you awkwardly turned in his lap, legs still thrown over it. “i uh just wanted to try to take initiative myself, figure things out without getting hints from you… if that’s okay?”

a sigh of relief left choso’s lips. silently, he gave you his approval and leaned back, watching as you shuffled clumsily. finally, you straddled his lap and placed your hands on his chest. in the dim light, you couldn’t make out his face expression - choso was glad that you couldn’t, otherwise you would have been able to see how much it was affecting him, how he was slowly losing his composure and control around you. but this was about you, he was there to help you explore this type of intimacy. releasing another shaky breath, you then leaned in and softly kissed him. you kept a languid tempo, slowly and surely cracking his restraint. trying to mirror what he’d done earlier, you pushed further, timidly licking into his mouth as he parted his lips.

seemingly not being able to hold back anymore, choso pushed against you with equally as much fervour, gripping your chin and tilting your head ever so slightly. his lips moved against yours, sucking your bottom lip, eliciting a whimper from you. again the ache in the pit of your stomach was flaring up, uncomfortable and yearning for relief; you moved against his lap, pressing your body against his when your crotch dragged against the bulge in his jeans. choso groaned, hands flying to grasp your hips and steady you.

dazed, you gave him a confused look. choso cleared his throat, lifting his hips ever so slightly so you could feel his arousal again. when the realization hit you, your face heated up - you were surprised to find out that he felt aroused… by you.

“oh.”

“yeah.” choso retorted dryly, hands rubbing at his face in embarrassment. “fuck, i’m so sorry. it wasn’t meant to get out of hand like this, i don’t know how far you planned ahead for today but i-”

“uhm if you don’t mind…” you hesitated. but curiosity simply got the better of you, you wanted to see him breathless and feel as hot and bothered as you did. “could i uhm. you know? give you a handjob? only if you don’t mind because i want to know how to please uhm, please people.”

choso swore under his breath. you had no idea how painfully hard you were making him. quietly encouraging you, he leaned in to kiss you again and guided your hands to his jeans. you fumbled with the button and zipper, hands trembling slightly. it took you a few tries until you were finally able to unzip his pants, a giggle left your lips at the thought of how clumsy you were. your hands gently rubbed at the tent in his boxers, breath hitching as choso’s hips jerked. gaining some courage, you slightly put on more pressure and watched fascinated when choso’s fingers digged into the fleshy skin of your hips in anticipation. slowly, you pulled the waistband of his boxers down until it revealed his cock. choso hissed at the cold air that was biting at his skin.

carefully, you wrapped your hand around the shaft, marvelling at how the skin felt on your hands. sensing your cluelessness, choso wrapped his larger hand around yours and guided you into a slow rhythm to get you used to the movement. sucking in a deep breath between his teeth, he praised you: “you’re doing good, y/n. fuck, you’re being such a good girl.”

your heart soared at the praise. eagerly, you leaned up to kiss him, still stroking him in slow movements. choso moaned against your lips, the deep sound spurring you on, eager to hear more of his reactions. when you finally felt more comfortable continuing on your own, choso pulled his hands away and instead settled them on the small of your back, sliding them down until they were resting on your bum. you wrapped your other hand around him as well and paid attention to his reactions, adjusting the pressure and pace accordingly. choso buried his face in the crook of your neck, whispering sweet praises in between his moans. eventually your name left his lips; it set your entire body in flames, desperate want clinging onto your bones.

“fuck, i’m close,” he groans against the skin of your neck, hips rutting up to meet your movements more frantically now. you weren’t entirely sure what to do, opting to simply match the pace. shudders wrecked through choso’s body as he came, warm cum painting your small hands and running down your fingers. he was panting, leaning back against the couch and watching you with hooded eyes. the sight in front of you stirred something inside of you - choso’s flushed face, the slight sheen of sweat on his skin, his kiss-bitten lips. with curiosity, you inspected the liquid on your hand. lazily, choso grasped your wrist, holding them away from you. “‘m sorry. do you have a tissue?”

you tilted your head, tugging on the sleeves of his sweater with your other hand. “uh i- i’ve heard from others… um. can i try?” you asked quietly. choso’s grip on your wrist weakened; he gave you an incredulous look, as if you few two heads. out of all things, he didn’t expect you to suggest that. fuck, he felt the blood rushing right back down to his cock. just the thought of you, doing that - it was enough to make him cum again. “go ahead, if you feel like it,” choso whispered in a low voice. dark urges overcame him again, begging him to give in, to make you bend to his will, to submit, to-

his thoughts came to a screeching halt when he saw you unashamedly pop a finger in your mouth, licking the come from it. there wasn’t any reaction from you really, you gave him a sheepish smile afterwards and gratefully took the tissue he offered you. he helped you wipe your hands, diving in for another kiss. “sorry, i think i just short circuited,” choso laughed embarrassedly, another kiss was pressed to your temple. “that was just… uh- fuck.”

“r- really?” you stammered, hiding your face in your hands. “it’s okay if it wasn’t that great for you, it was my first time after all, i-”

choso hushed you, going for another open mouthed kiss, eliciting a whimper from you. “yeah, really. fuck, the things i want to do to you,” he shook his head, not wanting to get sidetracked again. “but this is about you. we’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable. did you feel like you learned enough for today?”

“mh- hmm. thank you,” you leaned your head against his chest, closing your eyes as a sudden tiredness washed over you. choso’s fingers dancing across your skin were slowly lulling you into a comfortable slumber. “what is it that you want to do to me? will you show me one day?”

choso cursed, shivers running down his spine.

“if you want to, of course.”

-----------

now that you’d met choso a couple of times, it was pretty obvious that you took some liking to him. after that fateful day, nothing else had happened as you wanted to work on easing into relationship dynamics and feeling less insecure about things - choso had been nothing but sweet and mindful about it, even went out of his way to find suitable locations for your dates. somewhere along the way you had started to text more casually, the strictly business type texting long forgotten. gradually, the two of you opened up to each other, the lines between escort and client slowly blurring and intertwining.

choso had promised to pick you up after your shift at the animal shelter for your next date; for today he had suggested you come over to his place for a change. the thought that he was willing to let you in his home, let you have a glimpse into his personal life, it made you giddy with anticipation. despite getting closer to each other, he remained a mysterious person and you didn't want to pry. after all, you were merely his client. but what if you were more- patting your cheeks to put some sense back into you, you leaned down to pet the dogs. unbeknownst to you, choso had already entered the building and watched you with a soft smile as you gave each of the dogs their deserved belly rubs before you left.

you didn't take any notice of him until some of the dogs perked up and carefully trudged over to sniff at the stranger. turning around on your heels, your eyes widened as you took in choso's tall figure. you quickly apologized, telling him that you would be joining him right away to which he simply shook his head and reassured you that you were fine. your co-workers were eyeing choso curiously, one of them wiggling their eyebrows at you. in response, you waved it off, too embarrassed to set the record straight. choso looked so awfully much like a boyfriend in this moment - the way he was dressed in casual clothes that accentuated his physical features so well, the soft smile he gave you as he offered you his hand to take, the way he sounded genuinely interested and curious when he asked you about your day.

silently, you took his hand and followed him out of the building - you could feel your co-workers’ inquisitive gazes like laser beams on your back. while they were never particularly nosy about your personal life, it was unusual that someone would pick you up from work; much less someone that you seemed to be romantically interested in. surely, they would grill you the next time you would return to work. “they think you’re my boyfriend,” you explained to choso sheepishly, glancing down at your intertwined hands. choso squeezed your hand and nudged your side gently. “am i not?” he winked at you cheekily, making your face heat up. he had asked in such a serious voice that you’d briefly questioned yourself.

“n- no, not really,” you replied quietly, looking away from him. choso reached around you to open the car door for you. in the window reflection you could see his face expression; it was rather somber, almost as if your words had hurt him in a way. the emotion was gone from his face when you blinked. maybe you had just imagined it. getting close to him on that level was unattainable, no matter how you twisted it. it just wasn't right.

the car ride was mostly quiet, only the sound of choso's car playlist accompanying you. somewhere along the way he had reached out to intertwine your fingers, resting his hand on your thigh. holding hands was almost natural to you now, the way his hands automatically sought out yours whenever possible. in response, your heart was racing, filling with the all too familiar feeling of yearning. whether you were simply yearning for the intimacy and closeness of a relationship or for him, you weren't entirely sure. while choso had told you about himself for the sake of the fake dating, there were still unknown facettes. it was impossible for you to get to know all of him, not when he was selling a fantasy to you. and yet, you found yourself craving more of him, beyond what he was willing to show you.

choso parked his car in the garage, turning his body sideways so he could look at you. "you okay? you look like you were quite lost in thoughts," he hummed curiously, rubbing circles on the back of your hand. what could you possibly answer to that? hey i'm questioning our fake relationship and it's going beyond what i expected? abruptly, choso hoisted you across the seat onto his lap as if you'd weighed nothing. "a penny for your thoughts? or should i take your mind off things?"

"i- i think i would… rather not talk about it," you whispered quietly, gaze skirting away from his eyes. choso frowned, slightly irritated - he had a small inkling why he reacted this way but banned the thought to the back of his head. he understood that as a client, you wouldn't disclose details of your private life to him. but he found it difficult to circumvent your dropping mood when he couldn't tell what was going on.

"i understand," choso was about to open the door when you suddenly cupped his chin and dove in for a kiss. he was caught off guard - rarely did you ever initiate kisses, usually shyly asking beforehand. feeling bold, you pressed you pressed your hips down, grinding against his crotch. choso groaned, gripping your hips to guide you while thrusting his hips up to meet yours. he enjoyed how you shuddered at the newfound pleasure, the delicious friction making your toes curl. "does baby want me to take her mind off things?" he murmured with a raspy voice, peppering kisses across your jaw.

"please," you mewled needily, hands grabbing onto his shoulders, fingers digging into his skin. choso complied, sliding his hand up to tangle in your hair and gently pulled at it, tilting your head back. you were panting by the time he was moving down the column of your neck, nipping and sucking at your skin. lower and lower, until he reached the top of your breasts; with swift movements, he yanked your shirt and bra upso , pressing open mouthed kisses to them before wrapping his lips around your nipple. your voice cracked as you moaned his name, hands flying up to bury your hands in his hair. distracted by the ministrations, you didn’t notice choso’s free hand sliding down your front until you feel the coldness of his hands on your skin. you squirmed, giggling at the cool sensation - the giggle died abruptly when he dove lower, fingers rubbing your clothed pussy languidly.

“c- choso! we’re still in the g- garage, people can see!” you stuttered scandalized, tugging at the tips of his hair to grab his attention. choso simply hummed, carrying on as if you hadn’t just told him your concerns. rubbing circles on your clit, he watched with satisfaction how your legs were trembling, writhing in pleasure. just the sight of you - hickeys on your neck, slightly swollen lips, shirt pushed up to reveal your tits, his hands down your pants - it was so arousing and thrilling, he almost didn’t want to stop.

“the windows are tinted and no one’s around at this time… do you really want me to stop?” he murmured with a low voice, fingers pushing your panties to the side to gather the slick up on his fingers. “look at you, how much you’re craving it. the want is written all over your face, baby. do you want to stop now?”

before you know it, choso’s hand is suddenly hovering over your face, fingers glimmering with your arousal. you shot him a dazed look, confusion evident on your face. “open,” he instructed softly, slowly and carefully sliding his fingers in your mouth. almost instinctively, your hands gingerly grasped his wrist. your lips wrapped around them, tasting the liquid curiously. his breath hitched, blood shooting down his groin - fuck, you were going to kill him. tentatively, he thrusted his fingers, slow enough so he could gauge your reaction to it. you didn’t know what it was - the taste of yourself, the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the way he was looking at you with hooded eyes and a hungry expression on his face; it made you squirm, eagerly for more. choso immediately took notice of your sudden mood shift. barely noticeable, your hips were rocking back and forth as you sucked on his fingers, cleaning them of your slick.

with a pop, choso removed his fingers. you whimpered his name, gasping in relief when he slid them back down, moving your panties to the side. his thumb found your clit, rubbing the little nub gently in slow circles. as if he was in no hurry and unbothered by the prospect that someone could actually spot you, he continued his ministrations. your legs jerked, threatening to close when you felt his fingers prod at your entrance. excruciatingly slow, he sunk a finger into you. the feeling was unfamiliar, almost uncomfortable at first. seizing up, you clenched around the finger. “relax, ease into it,” choso whispered reassuringly, capturing your lips in a kiss. “it’ll feel good, i promise.”

choso inserted a second finger, letting you get used to the feeling of them. the kisses he was peppering on your chest were distracting you from the burning stretch, creating a confusing mix between pain and pleasure. “how are you feeling?”

“f- feels good, i- i-” you were struggling to form coherent sentences, too focused on how he was lapping at your nipples, sucking and kissing them gently. “y- you can continue…”

steadily, choso started to thrust his fingers into you - gradually, the burn was disappearing and replaced by a delicious stretch, pleasure that was spreading throughout your body and setting your nerves on fire. desperately clinging onto his shirt, you hid your face in the crook of his neck. choso placed a kiss on the crown of your head, whispering sweet praises and telling you what a good girl you were. it felt good, so good but something was missing, you needed something, maybe more. you started begging and despite blabbering nonsensical things, choso understood what you were asking of him. his fingers hit a peculiar spot inside of you when he curled them, making you jerk in surprise. “o- oh!” again and again, choso was hitting the spot, making you writhe on his lap.

something was building up in the pit of your stomach, like a tightened coil that was about to snap at any time. panicking slightly, you grabbed choso’s hand and tried to close your legs, wiggling away from him: “h- hey wait, i-” another moan broke from your lips when choso sealed your lips with his and wrapped his arm around your waist, locking you in place. “it’s okay, let go, baby. cum for me,” he whispered against your lips, sinking his fingers in you one last time. and then the coil snapped, the high crashing over you like a riptide, so blinding and intense that it took you a while to come down from it. your thighs were still trembling by the time you came back to your senses, ripples of pleasure still cursing through you.

you slump against choso's chest, exhausted from the intensity of your orgasm but feeling wonderfully blissed out. choso removed his hand from you, licking your arousal from his fingers before wiping them off on a paper towel. he brushed his fingers through your hair, pressing a kiss on your forehead. "how are you feeling? can you move?"

"my legs feel like jelly," your voice came out muffled, face still pressed into his chest. "'m feeling good though. that was… really nice."

"i'll carry you upstairs," choso declared matter-of-factly, hoisting you up so he could carry you. you slung your arms around his neck, pecking the side of his neck. his scent was faint but calming, lulling you into a sense of home and comfort. you wanted to stay close to him like this, just having him hold you in his arms. a myriad of emotions welled up in you, swallowing all your doubts until all that was left was the budding blossoms of your feelings for him, nurtured by his soft touches and adoring treatment. you wanted to cherish him, keep him close for as long as you could, as long as you could still have him.

"thank you."

"for what?" choso sounded surprised.

"taking care of me? i mean i pay you for it but i still wanted to let you know that i appreciate it."

“everything for you, baby,” choso replied softly, tightening his grip around you. as you got to his apartment, choso placed you on the couch and knelt down, hands wrapping around yours. “do you want to get changed? i’ll lend you some of my clothes, you can get changed in my room or in the bathroom if you want to freshen up.”

he was so so considerate, you couldn’t believe someone as nice as him existed out there. as you agreed, choso disappeared in his room; the sound of opening doors and drawers as well as rustling resounded from his room. you took the opportunity to observe his home. it was a small but cozy apartment, despite being sparsely decorated. in the back of the living room, you could spot some bags and boxes, presumably choso’s surfing equipment, as well as posters and photos cluttered on a pinboard. here and there, some little figurines and trinkets were spread across the apartment. although it was cozy, the apartment lacked some kind of presence, some warmth. you assumed that it had to do with choso’s job - he probably was rarely home between work and spending time with friends and family.

“here you go,” choso handed you a big sweatshirt and some shorts as he came back, patting your head teasingly. “go and get changed, i’ll start preparing dinner, yeah?”

you hid in the bathroom and got changed, neatly folding your clothes and stacking them on the counter. inspecting yourself in the mirror, you admired the size of choso’s sweater - it was a simple and cream coloured sweater that was entirely dwarfing and engulfing you. the sleeves were way too long and the hem almost reached your knees. but it was soft and comfy, coming close to choso’s hugs. you pulled the shorts up your legs, awkwardly securing them by tucking them underneath the sweater. choso had set up some boiling water and was silently chopping vegetables by the time you left the bathroom and tip toed towards the kitchen. “can i help you with anything?”

“no it’s okay, take a seat. do you want anything to drink? water? tea?” reluctantly, you sat at the small table on the side, pouting at him. choso simply laughed and shook his head, bringing a glass of water over. your heart jumped in surprise when he kissed your forehead as he placed the glass on the table. “i’ll take care of you for today. boyfriend duties, remember? the past times you’ve always taken us out on restaurants and incredible locations and now it’s my turn to show you the boyfriend magic.”

sudden dread filled your stomach. how could choso be so warm and kind-hearted to you, when you weren’t even in a relationship? you keep having to remind yourself that this was what he was doing for a living, that you might possibly never know the real him. that this might just be a mask that he kept on for the sake of your requests. you didn’t reply, deep in your thoughts as you stared at the glass of water. choso returned back to his previous task, cooking dinner in silence. your chest felt heavy with uncertainty and disappointment - you tried your best to push the emotions down. they were irrational, you knew full well what you were getting yourself into when you asked for his service.

thankfully, choso didn’t seem to have picked up on your sullen mood, even throughout dinner - you let no emotions shine through when you conversed with him, choosing to keep it lighthearted. you offered to wash the dishes, not wanting him to lift another finger when you could help him in return. as you scrubbed the bowls, choso creeped up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder. “you wanna watch a movie? or go to bed already? you’ve had a long day at work after all.”

“hmm, yeah. i think i’d prefer going to bed, if that’s okay for you?”

“i could never say no to cuddles,” choso hummed, capturing your lips in another kiss. you whimpered against them, not being able to resist him. he moaned against your lips, grip on you tightening. “please don’t tempt me, it’s so hard to say no to you,” he warned you with a strained voice.

your face grew warm at the memories of a few hours ago. you couldn’t believe you let him do that, let him finger you in his car in the garage. no one had seen you and you were thankful for that but you wanted the ground to swallow you whole at the thought of someone possibly snitching on you. your father would lose his mind. “is- is it not what you want?”

“of course i do, but not today. baby steps, remember? we have all the time in the world. and i can assure you that i very much want you,” with one last peck on your lips, he removed himself from you and disappeared in his room. he wanted you. your heart was soaring at his confession. you were relieved to know that he was craving you as much as you were yearning for him. maybe you would indulge, just for a couple more times until you would inevitably have to cut off the relationship. you felt at peace with your decision, you told yourself. nothing good would come from false hope.

after washing up, you joined choso on the bed, shyly crawling towards him as he opened his arms and welcomed you. he pulled you into his chest, nearly crushing you with his weight. it made you giggle and squirm in his arms, trying to wiggle out of his hold. choso was having none of it, peppering kisses all over your face as he trapped you in place. gasping for air in between your carefree laughter, you weakly pushed at his head, squealing when he dove in to blow raspberries on your neck. he showed mercy and let up, instead curiously inspecting your neck as he pulled the neckline of your, no his, sweater down. something dark was glinting in his eyes as his eyes zoomed in on the hickeys he had left on your neck and chest - he felt strangely satisfied, pleased with his work of art. a sliver of possessiveness overcame him as he traced the trail of red marks on your neck, humming quietly.

“something wrong with my neck?” you questioned confused, not having spotted the hickeys yet. choso shook his head, simply laid back on his side again to look at you. “not at all. was just inspecting the hickeys i left on you.”

“you left marks?” you gaped at him, mildly shocked at the revelation. though he was preoccupied with your neck earlier, you didn’t expect him to actually leave so many marks, much less ones that were visible. “is… is that a common occurrence?”

“for couples? i think so. but i can’t speak for everyone; if it was me, i would do it frequently. stake my claim on you, let everyone know that you’re mine,” choso replied and casually draped the blanket over the two of you, as if he didn’t just admit to doing something he would normally do with a lover. did he think of you as his? you struggled to decipher his actions, not being able to match it with a specific reason.

“that’s uh-” your stuttering was interrupted by another horrifying thought. “oh god, i can’t let my parents see this, they will kill me.”

choso shot you a confused look. you hadn’t told him about your parents yet or how you were hiding this from them.

“my parents… especially my dad, are very cautious about letting me venture out in romantic relationships. it’s mostly because he didn’t feel like anyone was good enough for me and because he didn’t want me to get hurt. sometimes i felt like those princesses locked up in a tower, you know? so i decided to explore and uh, hired you. i didn’t want to burden my friends with having to help me gain some experience,” you explained to choso, eyes widening when he suddenly grabbed your hand and pressed a kiss to it. he winked at you cheekily before leaning over you to turn off the lights. you felt him press a gentle kiss to your lips but you couldn’t make out his face expression in the dark. choso preferred it like this, so you couldn’t tell the vulnerable look on his face, the ache of knowing that he could never fully be yours.

“then i’m glad i get to serve a princess such as you.”

----------

“you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with choso,” nobara commented as she took a sip from her coffee, reaching out to grab one of the muffins you had ordered. you looked away in embarrassment. it’s been nearly two months since you’ve started to meet up with choso. your dates became more frequent, even the casual texting continued. and yet you hadn’t really told your friends about your progress or how you felt about him, either brushing it off or giving them vague details. it was only natural that nobara and maki grew suspicious, vowing to grill you about it the next time you would meet up. “have you done the deed?”

“n- no! not yet,” you answered hastily, the topic still making you feel bashful. though you had talked to choso about it; he had agreed and hinted that you might go all the way the next time you would meet up. it was weird, scheduling something like this. but you felt more at ease knowing that it was approaching and you could somewhat prepare your nerves for it. “we talked about it though… next time, maybe?”

“i see,” maki nodded slowly, deep in thought. “you’ve been skirting around this escort thing a lot. is there something you’re hiding from us?”

“nope! not at all!”

“y/n… we’re looking out for you as friends. i know you told us that you trust choso and that he’s the nicest person you have ever but is there something more?” maki gave you a gentle nudge. the serious look in her eyes told you that you better not give her a lame excuse. even nobara, who was usually playful in nature, looked mildly concerned. as much concern as she could muster up anyways. sheepishly, you stared at your mug, watching the milk swirl with your hot chocolate. surely, they would tell you to stop seeing him, to stay away. because catching feelings for someone whose true feelings and self you could never uncover… should have been something you could have prevented. if only it hadn’t been so easy to give in, so easy to develop feelings for choso.

“uhm. i just realized that i like him, like a lot. i know i shouldn’t and should have circumvented the issue somehow but now i’m stuck with my feelings. and it’s just confusing. before you get mad at me, i’ve already decided to cut it off after our next date. i can’t dwell on it for too long because realistically, nothing is going to happen.”

wordlessly, nobara gave you a hug, patting your back to soothe you. “is he really that great though?” maki lightly swatted nobara’s arm and gave her an eyeroll. her comment made you laugh, she knew how to lighten up a situation.

“i think so. very gentleman-like and just takes good care of everything. i really appreciate how well he’s been taking care of me this entire time. he just is the perfect boyfriend, you know?” nobara nodded but you could tell from her face that she was trying to put the puzzle pieces together. it made you laugh again, pinching her cheek playfully. you didn’t want to worry your friends too much. they always helped you in every situation and now it was time you would take care of everything yourself.

“i can’t believe this entire time we were trying to find you a perfect partner and you’ve gone and went the whole nine yards, boyfriend experience and heartbreak all together,” maki joked and ruffled your hair, giving you a reassuring smile. “you know we’re there for you if you need emotional support in this, right? we might not be much of a help while you go through the fake breakup but we can help you take your mind off afterwards.”

you sniffled a little at the thought. your next date was fast approaching and you were grateful to have such great friends, who would always look out for you and be understanding even if you made dumb mistakes. your next step would be to learn how to mend a broken heart.

everything had to be perfect. the entire evening you had been on the move, busy cleaning your apartment and room and spending time in the bathroom making yourself look presentable. you still felt nervous exposing all of you to choso, never had anyone seen you naked before. the thought of it had made you so anxious that you’d called nobara who promptly suggested you wear cute underwear and something comfy to ease yourself into it. chances were that choso didn’t really care and wouldn’t judge you anyways; he had always been generous with compliments, always telling you how pretty you looked, how cute you were, and what a good girl you were for him. you didn’t think you could feel so fired up from praises nor did you think that you would be craving to hear them so much until choso came along. the feeling of euphoria that overtook you whenever he praised you, along with the pleasure he gave you whenever you were fooling around - it was a deadly combination.

knocks at the door made you perk up, hastily racing over to the door to let choso in. he chuckled when you immediately wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face in his chest. “hey baby, missed me much, huh? i missed you too,” choso admitted, softly combing his fingers through your hair. you peeked up at him from below, closing your eyes as you leaned into his touch like a cat. “mhmm, missed you a lot,” you mumbled, humming in content as choso pecked your lips briefly before waddling inside the apartment with you in his arms, closing the door behind him

“what am i going to do with you?” he mumbled amused and sat down on the couch, pulling you onto his lap. he squished your cheeks between his hands, kissing your pouty lips with a broad smile. “you always make it so hard for me to leave.”

your heart sunk at his last words, remembering how you were planning to proceed by the end of this date. surely, it couldn’t be so hard and he wouldn’t think much of it since it was all business anyways. and yet, you couldn’t help but seize up with dread, not wanting to hurt him. if, and only if he would actually be affected by it. you placed your hands on his, sticking your tongue out at him. you teased him: “you leave but you always return, right? doesn’t that give you something to look forward to?”

“yeah, always come bouncing back…” choso trailed off, a faraway look on his face. you couldn’t tell what he was thinking - each emotion that surfaced was only fleeting and quickly wiped from his face expression as if it never existed in the first place. perhaps he was keeping his heart as guarded as yours, for baring the most vulnerable parts of yourself could be your downfall. he ran his hands along your thighs, rubbing the bare skin gently, fingers teasingly slipping under the hem of your shorts. your breath hitched in your throat, expecting him to move his hands up further. but by now, choso knew how to play you like a fiddle, what drew beautiful moans out of you, what made you whimper in anticipation and how to build up tension. he knew how to tease you and use it to his advantage; knew well that you would follow his instructions like the good girl that you were, never disappointing him. “gotta take care of my princess, hm?”

choso dipped down, brushing the strands of your hair out of the way, showering it in kisses. you mewled quietly, tilting your head to the side to allow him more access to your neck. he was still murmuring between kisses, telling you how sweet you were, how he was going to make you sing his name, how he was going to take care of you. the whispered praises were getting to your head, you easily melted into his touch. “c- choso,” you gasped, already drowning in him as his presence clouded your senses, wrapping around you as if nothing else but him existed. “please touch me.”

“your wish is my command,” choso lifted you up as if you weighed nothing, carrying you to your bedroom with ease. gently, he dropped you on the bed, simply hovering over you without saying a word. the look in his eyes knocked the air out of your lungs; you loved his eyes, his dark brown eyes that were filled with so much warmth and love, now darkened and filled with lust. he observed you, waiting for you to make a move - you stayed still, tense with anticipation. with every single intimate encounter you had with him, you gradually learned that choso enjoyed being in control, overjoyed when you were obedient and remembered what he had told you. he liked having you at his mercy, being the first and only one to discover the expanse of your body, to pleasure you in ways you were yet to familiarize yourself with.

choso’s tapped your lips, carefully sliding two fingers in when you willingly parted your lips and sucked on them. the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the dazed look on his eyes as he watched you - it was all so erotic, so arousing. you lifted your hips, grinding against his thighs for some kind of relief. it drew a slightly irritated click of the tongue from choso, gently pressing his fingers against your tongue. but he enjoyed the view, seeing how you wanted him so much, how you were seeking relief by humping his thigh. you could already feel yourself soaking through your panties and your thin shorts, arousal smearing across choso’s thigh and leaving a wet spot on his jeans.

pulling his fingers out of your mouth, he slid them down, lower and lower, smearing your spit across your skin. his fingers stopped right at the buttons of your blouse, playfully rolling them between his fingers. slowly, he unbuttoned the blouse, pushing the fabric off your shoulders to reveal your bra. you squirmed, suddenly feeling shy and embarrassed about being so exposed in front of him. “you’re beautiful,” choso reminded you. “don’t hide from me. i want to see all of you.”

reluctantly, you kept your arms at your sides, instead clenching your fingers around the fabric of your comforter. teasingly, his hands dragged across the tops of your breasts before dipping lower. “look at you, how soaked you are already. you’ve even left a spot on my jeans. i haven’t even touched you properly yet… has my princess missed me this much?” he mused, gently rubbing circles across your skin. he was careful not to move anywhere close to your crotch, resolutely keeping his hand near your navel.

“yes, please touch me,” you mewled, grasping his hand to guide him towards the hem of your shorts. his hand splayed across your mound, rubbing in deliberately slow movements, making you sigh in relief. choso tugged on your shorts, dragging them down your legs with ease. you clenched your eyes shut, hiding your face behind your hands. choso stayed silent for a few seconds and simply admired you in the dim light of your room. he could tell that you'd chosen a nice set of underwear to impress him - you looked so cute in it, like a present waiting to be unwrapped. he took notice of the dark patch on the crotch of your panties, how they were clinging onto your skin and how your arousal was glistening on your inner thighs.

"you look breathtaking," choso complimented you, gently removing your hands from your face. "i told you not to hide, didn't i? give me all of you, baby."

you blinked a few times, sheepishly thanking him. his praises overwhelmed you, making your chest swell with pride. but still, you didn't know how to react when he was singing your praises, too bashful to reply coherently. choso removed your panties in painstakingly slow movements, leaving trails of kisses on your inner thighs up to your ankle. throwing your panties to the floor, he then pulled your legs over his shoulders. you watched him bewildered, not sure what to make of it. the position made you feel oddly exposed; all of your senses were heightened, strained to focus on choso only. the oversensitivity caused your hips to jerk when choso’s breath hit your pussy, keen on receiving attention. the swipe of his tongue on your slit was something you didn’t expect - the sensation was new, uncharted territory, so different from his fingers. it drew a whimper from your lips, making your toes curl against his back.

languidly, he was lapping at your folds, taking his time to get you used to the feeling. it wasn’t until his tongue dragged across your clit, lips wrapping around it to suck gently, that whines and whimpers spilled forth from your lips. your hips automatically lurched forward, rocking against his face. you couldn’t wrap your head around the pleasure it provided you, how it rendered you into a babbling mess with only his name on your lips like some mantra. needing to busy your hands otherwise, you clenched your fingers around his hair, subconsciously pressing his face into your pussy. choso groaned against you, the slight burn turning him on beyond relief. you felt like you’re floating, higher and higher, rapidly approaching your high and it was still a feeling you’re trying to get used to, a feeling that you readily welcomed and craved.

it was a combination of all the touches that bring you closer to the edge; how he was sucking at your clit before flattening his tongue against your clit, paying close attention to it, how it was repeatedly and rapidly dragging across your folds. it made you sob, begging him to make you cum. choso pulled you even closer, fingers digging into your thighs as he lapped at your swollen clit, again and again until you come with a loud moan, barch arching from the bed, heels digging into choso’s shoulder blades. clenching your eyes shut, you attempted to push his face away from you, now feeling too sensitive. your legs were trembling uncontrollably, you gasped for air as your high washes over you and slowly ebbing away. choso sat up on his knees and only then you see the arousal smeared across his chin and lips. the sight sent electric shocks up your spine, breath hitching in your throat. he looked so fucking hot like this. he gave you no time to be embarrassed about it, wiping the slick off his skin and licking it off his hands.

“c- choso, what-” you croaked, voice all raspy from your relentless moaning. choso didn’t reply, instead kissed you open mouthed - the taste of your arousal was still present on his tongue. in the back of your mind, you thought about how dirty it was and yet so thrilling, eliciting a hunger for him. desperately, you were tugging at his shirt, trying to get it off. you were struggling, huffing in frustration as he didn’t budge. choso laughed, pecking your lips apologetically before taking it off along with his pants. even in the dim light you could make out the bulge in his pants, a testament of much he wanted you. the sight made you salivate, your pussy clenching around nothing. he took notice of your dazed look, grabbing your chin to tilt it up. “are you sure you want this? do you want me?”

you nodded quickly, eyes widening at his question. “of course, i want you, never wanted anything more. please, choso.”

“you have me, all of me,” he retorted, a tender look in his eyes. again, your heart clenched. just one more time you would get to see him like this, pretend he really was your lover. but when he looked at you with so much adoration in his eyes, it was hard to believe that there wasn’t a spark between you. unbeknownst to you, choso had always looked at you with stars in his eyes, hoping that you would return the sentiment. no matter how hard he was keeping his feelings at bay, the cracks were widening, allowing more and more feelings to seep through. with each touch, each word that you exchanged, the dam was weakening and threatening to spill everything that he was keeping inside.

choso gently pressed you back down onto the mattress, fingers fumbling with the condom that he’d pulled out of his jeans. you watched with fascination as he put it on, not being able to take your gaze of it. he grinned, deciding to indulge you, pressing his cock against you. arousal was still leaking from you, allowing him to easily slide against you. deliberately, he nudged the head against your clit until you couldn’t take it anymore. you wiggled your hips, signaling him to do something, do put you out of your misery. choso glanced at you for permission, suddenly seeming to be nervous himself. you gave him a small nod, leaning up to cradle his cheeks and kiss him. choso began to push, slowly slipping past your folds and- the stretching burn, it was there again and made you tense up.

choso grasped your hands, intertwining them and showered your face with kisses, whispering sweet nothings and encouragement. the feeling was familiar and yet strange at the same time, the girth of his fingers were nothing compared to his cock. it was a tight fit; you were aware of him, so aware of him. muffled, you heard choso telling you to relax, that he didn’t want to hurt you, to take your time. he was still pushing, distracting you from the uncomfortable pain with kisses. with one last thrust, he’s pushed the entirety of him in you. faintly, you could feel pain gradually ebbing away. the fullness of him, the throbbing; you clenched around him, a quiet moan leaving your lips as choso’s hips jerk in response.

“you okay? can i move now?” he whispered against your lips. you nodded, feeling choso smile against your lips. your breath hitched in anticipation as he pulls out ever so slightly before thrusting back in. you let out a whimper at the sudden thrum of incoming pleasure, hands squeezing his. choso thrusted his length in and out of you slowly, still wanting you to get used to it. the drag of it against your walls, the way his cock ever so slightly bumped against that spot inside of you that made your body sing - you sobbed out his name, hips tilting up to meet his movements. choso had no qualms obliging to your unspoken wants, upping the pace once he’s made sure you felt comfortable.

slowly, his inhibitions fell apart upon seeing you desperately cling onto him, moaning out his name as he pulled out and drove back in, deeper than before. you saw stars when he hit the spot inside of you, burying himself inside of you completely. it’s been a short amount of time but choso was quick to figure out what made you shake in pleasure in particular, memorizing every little nudge and wiggle that would have you gasp out his name. the closeness, the intimacy, it easily beat everything else that you’ve ever done before but it was now that you realized that no one could compare to choso. while your initial goal was to simply learn and gain some experience, somewhere along the way, you veered off the path. perhaps your goal was never to find out what it was like engaging in sexual activities but rather to experience it with someone you loved. it was then that you realized you didn’t care about these things unless you could experience them with choso.

while choso was no stranger to having people in his bed, the sight of you was one he would never be able to get out of his head again. how your moans and whimpers were getting more frequent with each thrust, how you were sobbing his name whenever he hit particularly deep inside of you, how your small hands were holding onto his, how you clenched around him whenever he praised you. he wanted to keep you for himself, to impale himself in you in such ways that you could never look at other people the same way anymore. “i- i’m close,” you hiccuped between sobs, back lurching from the bed. “choso, p- please, i wanna cum, i-”

“i’ve got you, princess,” he assured you, diving down to kiss you feverishly. relentlessly, his hips pistoned against yours, desperate to make you cum. choso couldn’t hold back any longer, he was close, so close. wanting to cum with you, he reached down to rub your clit. your reaction was almost instantaneous, legs pressing against his side as you came, his name on your lips like a prayer. he came with you, burying his face in the crook of your neck as groans left his lips, mixed with your name and curses. his hips stuttered as they pressed against you one last time, staying in place until he’s spilled all of him in the condom. you felt like you were floating, still dazed from the intensity of your orgasm. absentmindedly, you wrapped your arms around his neck, hand absentmindedly playing with the hair at his nape. choso let out a noise, akin to a cat’s purr, nudging his head against your hand. his gesture made you giggle and you strained your neck to press a kiss against his forehead.

slowly, choso removed himself from you, letting out a breathy laugh as you protested. you made grabby hands at him but he simply tutted, disappearing in the bathroom to dispose of the condom and came back with a wet towel. it felt comforting, the warmth of the towel as well as his gentle touches, lulling you into a sleepy state. it didn’t take long for him to join you again once he was done, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest like the countless times he’s done so before. “how are you feeling? i didn’t hurt you, did i?”

you shook your head, trying to find the right words. in the end, nothing came into your mind to appropriately tell him how mind blowingly good he made you feel so you just settle with: “felt good, really good. didn’t hurt, jus’ felt uncomfortable at first. but you made it okay, it’s okay when it’s with you.”

“i see,” choso let out a relieved breath, laughing as you blinked at him stunned. you looked adorable, still floating and coming down from your high. “i’m glad i was your first, glad i could do it justice. just wanted you to feel good.”

“mhmm, thank you,” you slurred sleepily, arms wrapping around his waist. you felt so warm and loved, not wanting to let go of the feeling just yet. “can we do it again some other day? you promised to show me what you still wanted to do to me.”

“y/n, sweetheart, when will you be coming to visit us again? i know it’s your summer break right now and you’re busy but we thought it might be nice to go on a short family trip. what do you think?” your mother pleaded over the phone. you could see her pout on the screen, her attempt at guilt tripping you into visiting more. truthfully, you felt bad about not having been able to see your family so much - the amount of assignments and final exams was swamping you and you just wanted to get through them before going on vacation. that and the fact that you couldn’t properly look them in the eyes anymore ever since being with choso.

you just couldn’t let go of him, nor could you admit your feelings to him, in fear it would make him uncomfortable. it was irrational, reckless even, to keep paying for a service you technically didn’t need anymore. simply to keep a person you had feelings for around for longer. nobara and maki didn’t know about this either, you knew they would have your head as soon as you confessed. it was irrational and you knew it. and yet it was so hard to let go. with every waking moment, you craved choso, his tenderness and loving gaze, the warmth of his arms, the domesticity that the two of you shared, how natural it seemed when you spent time together. and so you kept returning to him, over and over again

“i’m sorry, mum, i’m just really busy right now. but i promise i’ll let you know when i’m free, okay? i’m sure we can find a fitting date for the trip,” you attempted to soothe your mother, giving her an apologetic smile. she rolled her eyes at you playfully but shrugged it off, knowing that you didn’t mean anything by it. before you could tell her goodbye, your mother suddenly stopped you, waving at the screen.

“sweetheart, one of my friends- her son, i told him about you. he’s a very nice young man and i think you would get along well. when you come visit us, i’ll introduce him to you, yeah?” she explained, a giddy smile creeping onto her lips. “i’ve told him a little about you and your father doesn’t mind either. he has a good background too, i’m trying not to swoon.” she giggled as if she was the one who was to be set up on a date with him.

your eyes widened ever so slightly at her revelation but what shocked you more was that choso had seemingly heard what your mother had said. he was still sleeping when your mother had called you, so you hid in the kitchen to talk, not wanting to disturb his sleep. he stood in the doorway, blinking at you confused. you made sure to turn a little so your mother couldn’t see him. “mum, i told you i’m not really interested yet and want to go at my own pace-”

“honey, i know but the opportunity was just there. i couldn’t pass it up and you can still reject him, no? just try to meet him at least once.”

you sighed. “we’ll talk about it again when i’m home, okay? but don’t put too much hope in it, please.”

“i know, i know. i’ll talk to you again another day. love you, sweetheart,” your mum said goodbye to you and hung up. you groaned, tossing your phone to the side and buried your face in your hands. choso was not supposed to hear any of that. even though you two weren’t really in a relationship, and he had assured you that he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, keeping his work at accompanying clients only, you still felt like you were somewhat betraying him. you felt choso’s presence moving behind you, then his arms wrapping around you, his chin being placed on your head. you couldn’t see the slightly irritated look in his eyes, the jealous glint that told you he didn’t want you to look at anyone but him.

“your mum seems to be eager to find you a partner,” he commented amused. you groaned, swatting at his arm.

“i don’t know why they’re suddenly so persistent after not deeming anyone as suitable for years,” grumbling, you turned slightly, pressing a kiss to choso’s chin. “i’m not really in the mood to go on dates just yet, so she’ll have to deal with it.”

“not in the mood for dates?” choso echoed, pinching your cheek. “not even with me?”

you whined, burying your face in his chest. you didn’t want to let him see how his words excited you. “no, i’m always in the mood for you, for dates with you.”

“that’s good to know. we’re going out later after all,” choso laughed, combing his fingers through your hair. “i did promise to take you to the beach and teach you how to surf.”

one of the reasons you didn’t come visit your parents immediately when your summer break began was because you’d already planned a short trip with choso. weeks ago choso had proposed you’d go to the beach together and you were thrilled by the idea, not having been by the sea in years. you’d rented a little cabin by the beach for the two of you while choso had prepared everything for the car ride. the car ride would be rather long but you weren’t worried about it at all - in the beginning, you’d been apprehensive, rather awkward with him. he eased you into everything, showing you not to be scared of relationships and to just be yourself. conversation was easy with him as if you’d been long term friends, with no worries or restrictions. for weeks, you’d looked forward to the trip, to spend more time with him.

the car ride was filled with laughter and calming music, you shared stories and secrets with each other, you fed him the snacks that you’d made the night before. you felt blissful, happily ignoring all the consequences that might be coming your way - you wanted to enjoy your time with him as much as you could. the dance that the two of you were engaging in, it was romantic and felt so domestic, while skirting around the important issue. inspecting your intertwined hands, you clasped your other free hand around his, rubbing the skin gently. choso shot you a concerned, questioning look but you brushed him off, assuring that nothing was wrong. “i’m just happy to be sharing this uh… boyfriend experience with you, really. i wouldn’t wanna do it with someone else.”

choso shot you a wistful smile, lifting your hand to press a kiss on it. “i’m glad you feel that way. you deserve only the best, someone who treats you like the princess that you are.”

the feeling of the grainy sand below you, wind blowing your hair in every direction, sun on your skin, water splashing against your shins - you felt like suddenly all your worries were washed away. you were still running through the shallow water, giggling as you saw choso catching up on you. upping your speed, you jumped through the water until he managed to grab you by your wrist, pulling you into his chest. he lifted you up, twirling you around in his arms a few times before setting you back on your feet, leaning in to kiss you. “you can’t just run away like that, all our stuff is still stranded over there,” he scolded you, playfully flicking your forehead. you glanced behind you, seeing how choso had already placed all the towels, cooler and bags on the beach chairs.

“it’s okay, we have the beach to ourselves anyways,” you retorted cheekily. choso couldn’t argue, instead rolled his eyes. the beach house that you had rented for the weekend was on the outskirts of the city, a rather quiet spot that also had a private beach. the paranoia that your parents might possibly spot you somewhere was running deep and so you didn’t want to risk anything. choso could teach you how to surf in peace, without any bystanders or crowded spaces. but now that you were sitting on the beach chair, you noticed that choso’s mind seemed to be elsewhere as he clumsily fumbled with the bags. you gnawed at your bottom lip, hoping that your earlier conversation with your mother wasn’t on his mind.

“you okay there? can i help you with anything?”

“huh? yeah,” choso answered after a second of processing, shaking his head. “uh i just get distracted looking at you. you look good in that bikini.”

“oh shut up,” you retorted but hid your face from him, still growing bashful even though you were used to him complimenting you out of nowhere. he shot you a wink, resuming his work. “but… choso, you can talk to me if anything bothers you, you know that?”

“yeah, i know… but don’t worry, i think this is something i have to figure out for myself first before i tell anyone,” he padded over, kissing your forehead. “but i appreciate it.”

deciding to drop the topic, you joined him, watching how he demonstrated his surfing skills. if he didn’t want to talk about it, you would respect it; and maybe, just maybe, he would open up to you about it. you watched as choso surfed through the waves, the sight filling you with bright happiness. he looked so happy to be surfing again, the usual tired look on his face wiped away as if it had never been there in the first place. he looked like he was truly at home, comforted and surrounded by the crashing waves. you understood what he meant by being distracted - choso looked good in his trunks as well, the water drops that were rolling down his body, his exposed upper body, the way his loose, slightly damp hair was falling over his face. you very much enjoyed the sight and almost felt creepy for staring so much.

as per usual, choso was a wonderful teacher, remaining calm and patient while he gave you instructions, comforting you when you weren’t doing so well and was always right by your side encouraging you. you hadn’t had this much fun in a while, especially not with someone other than from your close friend circle. it was easy to lose the track of time when being with him, all your thoughts and anxieties washed away like the seashells at the shore. by the end of the day, you were utterly exhausted, your muscles feeling like jelly. as you laid on the bed, you still felt like you were rocked and swayed back and forth by the waves. it was relaxing, almost lulling you into a deep slumber if it wasn’t for the sound of the running shower and choso’s humming. you opened the window, before returning to bed, wrapping the blanket around you. the sound of waves sloshing against the shore echoed through the room, making you feel like you were actually sleeping at the beach.

it didn’t take long for choso to return; you felt the bed dip beside you before you heard him. pretending to be asleep, you waited until he said anything but were instead greeted with a kiss on your nape. you squirmed a little, the feelings of his lips tickling the sensitive skin. a giggle broke from your lips, unable to stay silent any longer. “did i make you wait for too long?” he asked quietly, grabbing you by the hips to turn you around to face him. you shook your head and gave him a smile, leaning in to peck his lips. “no but i did miss you. did i tell you that i now get what you meant by being distracted? you looked really hot in your trunks and so serious while giving me instructions.”

“ah, really?” choso hovered over you, placing his hands beside your head. you’d only offered simple compliments but he was already so fired up, making you grin. “you can’t just tell me that and expect me not to do anything. don’t you know that i’m always hungry for you? i’ll ravish you right here.”

“what if i want you to ravish me?” you bravely retorted, your voice slightly cracking at the end. rarely were you ever bold with him but at this moment, you might as well indulge him. as an reward for teaching you how to surf and being so patient about it. choso clicked with his tongue, pleased with your reply. before he could move, you suddenly felt an urge to go further, wanting to be the one to initiate intercourse for once. you placed your hands on his chest, pushing gently. he looked at you confused, cocking his head to the side. if it wasn’t for the hungry look in his eyes, you would’ve cooed at how adorable he looked. “uhm can i… suck you off for today? i mean you’re always the one who- who makes me feel so good and i know you said you liked it but i just wanted to return the favour…”

choso short circuited at your request, momentarily leaving his mouth wide open as he stared at you. “y- yeah of course, if that’s what you want,” he spluttered hastily, sitting up on his knees. feeling giddy, you shuffled off the bed, positioning yourself at the edge of the bed and waiting for him to move. choso gulped, slowly moving towards the edge. he leaned down to kiss you, your hands snaked towards the waistband of his sweatpants, some doubt overcame you again, slowing your movements. sensing your hesitation, he patted your head and ruffled your hair. “you don’t have to do it, if you feel too nervous about it.”

“no, i want to, really,” you assured him, grasping the waistband and dragging it down. choso lifted his hips slightly, helping you remove his pants. his boxers followed soon after. gently, you wrapped your hands around his semi-hard cock, giving it some gentle strokes. choso exhaled shakily, leaning back on his hands as he kept his watchful eyes on you. you leaned in, flattening your tongue against the underside, running your tongue over the underside, tracing it until you reached the cockhead. gingerly, you gave it a few kitten licks before wrapping your lips around it. hands still stroking him, you delved in, taking as much as much as you could. choso tilted his head back, moaning loudly. it spurred you on, eagerly you bopped your head against him, paying close attention to the sensitive head as you licked and sucked at it. curiously, you licked the slit, tasting the precum on it. the taste was unfamiliar, nothing like you’d ever had before but you weren’t sure what to make of it. but you weren’t grossed out by it, thankfully.

choso’s hips jerked when you touched a particularly sensitive spot, not being able to control his own body anymore. usually, he was more composed, holding himself back for the sake of you - immediately, he stopped and apologized, staring at you with wide eyes. “fuck, i’m so sorry, that wasn’t meant to happen. did i hurt you?” he cupped your cheek, guiltily examining you.

“‘m okay, don’t worry about it. it just surprised me a little, that’s all. but if it’s what you like… i uh, don’t mind,” you reassured him.

“f- fuck, you can’t just say that because i will and-”

“like i said, i don’t mind. i want to make you feel good too.” reluctantly, choso nodded and relaxed again, letting you proceed. you were eager to make him cum, enthusiastically moving your head along the shaft. you welcomed choso’s shallow thrusts, glancing up to watch his reactions. his skin was beautifully flushed, eyes were closed, groans muffled as he bit his bottom lip. you struggled to take his cock in deeper, instead wrapping your hands around the parts you couldn’t reach. when choso’s thrusts got sloppier, you could tell that he was getting close.

“y/n, fuck- i’m gonna- wait, you-” unable to finish his sentence, he moaned, hips stuttering again as you swirled your tongue around the sensitive tip. you suckled on his length eagerly, hands pumping the base faster and choso couldn’t keep it in any longer, coming with a loud moan. you continued suckling on the tip, helping him through his orgasm until he’s spilled all of him in your mouth. sitting back on your knees, you removed yourself from him.

eyes wide and glossy, you looked up at him as he pulled away slightly so he could look at you. choso brushed your hair back, then lifted your chin up, tapping your bottom lip. "show me," he said in a low, hoarse voice, patiently waiting until you opened your mouth and showed him. showed him his cum that was still pooling on your tongue. a few seconds passed until he finally reacted - just the sight of you on your knees, obediently following his orders and showing him your work had his insides stirring with something dark, possessive. "swallow," he whispered, adoringly cupping your cheek as you eagerly swallowed. your face felt hot, whether by embarrassment or pride, you didn't know. quietly cursing, he pulled you up while leaning down, meeting your lips halfway.

unceremoniously, choso dropped you on the bed, making you giggle quietly as you bounced on the mattress. hovering over you, he captured your lips in yet another kiss. you wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him to your body. choso pressed his groin against yours, experimentally rolling his hips to elicit a reaction from you. burying your face into the crook of his neck, you couldn’t help but writhe from the pleasure - and even though you’ve been sleeping with each other, you still felt too shy to ask him for… more. how could you express what exactly you wanted when you were craving all of him? when you wanted to engrave everything into your brain; the feeling of his body against yours, his touch, the sweet as well as the dirty words he whispered into your ear. it was almost unfair how easily he could draw a reaction from you, as if he’d memorized every little aspect about you already.

choso nipped at your neck, about to leave a mark when you frantically pushed at his chest. “no visible marks, i told you!” you reminded him, almost feeling bad when you saw his disappointed face. but rules were rules, you didn’t want your parents to find out you were sneaking around with someone; you were barely able to look into their eyes as is. he huffed against your neck, burying his face in the crook of your neck in frustration. seconds passed without a reaction before he finally sat up on his knees, hands reaching out to tug on your shirt. “but everywhere else is fine, hm?” he mused, dragging his warm hands across your chest to your shoulder to push the fabric off.

“i- i guess,” you spluttered, barely having any time to react as he’s already moved on, lavishing your breasts with kisses while leaving a trail of hickeys on them. you whimpered, hips rolling up against his. through your panties, you could feel the outlines of his cock; the anticipation of him filling you up made you salivate. choso was quick to remove your panties and rolling a condom on upon hearing your desperate whimpers that were urging him to move faster. no matter how many times you’d already slept together, he could never get enough of you - you made him feel like a teenager again, like he was constantly insatiable and hungry for you. judging from the look in your eyes, you seemed to feel the same way.

choso angled his cock against your entrance before sinking in, moaning in unison with you. he grasped your hands, pinning them against the pillows as you reached out, trying to touch him. you sobbed in disappointment, just wanting to feel him but choso was having none of it. the complaint was quickly forgotten when he started thrusting, the sound of his hips smacking against yours filling the room. he was diligent, hitting that spot inside you over and over again, enjoying how your legs that were wrapped around his waist were trembling. you were drowning, drowning in him, in the pleasure he so graciously provided you. choso painted your chest with marks, placing them dangerously close to where they would be peeking out underneath clothes. he knew you didn’t want anyone to see them but fuck, he wanted people to keep their hands away from you, wanted them to know that you were his.

you sung his praises, hips quickly bucking against his as he buries himself in you to the hilt. he filled you up so well, always dragging against your walls so deliciously. almost feral, choso fucked you harder, putting all his frustrations and emotions into the strength of his thrusts. it left you feeling breathless, clenching around him hard as you climbed higher and higher. never had choso fucked you like this before, like he was trying to prove something - you sobbed, tears springing forth from the intensity. it felt good, so good and you wanted to cum so bad, wanted to release. the pleasant warmth was spreading throughout your body, almost unbearably hot as you neared your climax. it erupted within you explosively, leaving you writhing in a babbling, incoherent mess. for many moments, your orgasm wrecked through you, making you see white and stars. in your euphoria, you didn’t notice how choso had cummed with you, whispering sweet praises in your ear as he rode you through your high. you didn’t notice how he disappeared, returning with a wet towel as per usual, how he kisses away the tears at the corner of your eyes. through your hazy mind, you could tell that he wrapped the blanket around you before disappearing again.

it took you a while to return back to your senses, marvelling about the sex you just had. what had possessed choso in that moment? could it be because you’d offered to suck him off? or was he so pent up the entire day? the click of the door made you lift your head towards the source of the sound, cooing when you saw choso padding towards you. he yawned quietly, crawling under the blanket and wrapping his arms around you. "exhausted?" you questioned him, nuzzling into him.

"mhmm, i feel like i could sleep in until noon tomorrow," as usual, he ran his fingers along your spine, drawing shapes on your back. sometimes you thought you could feel him spelling something out on your skin but the touches were always so fleeting that it was impossible for you to make it out. whatever it was, he must've been too wary or scared to share it with you. you were reminded of your earlier conversation - choso still hadn't said anything so you wanted to bring it up, not wanting any issues to arise between you.

"choso? do you want to talk about what was wrong earlier? i know you said you wanted to think about it, but i was wondering…"

choso interrupted you. "are you going to go on a date with the guy that your mum mentioned this morning?"

you shot him a bewildered look. so he had been thinking about it. you hesitated, not sure what to tell him. should you be upfront and tell him how you feel? or give him a mild version, so he didn't feel cornered by you?

"i'm… i'm not sure yet. the thought of going on a date with someone else is kind of daunting but i think i'll do it just so my mum's happy."

"i see." uncomfortable silence seeped between the two of you. you could tell that choso was irritated, the frown on his face clearly indicating it. and yet, he didn't elaborate, leaving you to figure out what he meant by that. not daring to move, you stayed still, waiting for him to continue. choso sighed, placing his forehead against yours. "i think this is selfish of me but i can't stand the thought of seeing you with someone else. i wish… i wish it was only me that you looked at."

"you don't want me to go on a date with him?"

"yeah. i- i can't tell you why that is. it's selfish and dumb, hence why i didn't want to tell you. and it's not something that you should worry about. i'm just your escort after all, there's nothing more between us."

his words stung. even though it was the truth, the words still stung, driving a knife right into your heart. it was the very thing that nobara and maki had warned you about. but here you were, heart breaking in a million pieces. perhaps it was the fact that choso didn't tell you the reason, didn't seem to trust you with it, that made you recoil immediately. the walls around your heart were immediately put back into place, safeguarding you from any further harm. he wasn’t obligated to tell you anything and you knew that - there was probably also another reason why he felt that way. any further digging would probably make him recoil as well, it wouldn’t do you any good. whatever was growing between you, it had to stop now. choso simply saw you as a client, probably had been this entire time. again, you were reminded of the fact that he might have been acting this entire time, none of the affection he showed you ever being real.

“i- yeah… i guess,” you replied dejectedly, looking away from him. “i’ll figure it out with him, don’t worry. i’ll just keep my mum happy with it, there’s nothing more to it.”

choso bit his lip, refraining from replying to it any further. you already knew more than you were ever supposed to, he should have never let it slip that he didn’t like seeing you with other potential love interests. it pained him to keep this hidden, keep it a secret from you - but the less you knew, the better. he couldn’t imagine you being okay with being in a relationship with him while he was still an escort, nor did he think that your parents would be thrilled about it. from what you’d revealed to him, he could tell that they treasured you and wanted to minimize any possible harm as much as possible. and that included hand-picking a suitable partner for you. he might never be what your parents envisioned for you and he might never become your love interest so every session that you booked was a blessing to him.

sighing, he placed one last kiss on your cheek before wishing you a good night. but even when he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, he was wide awake, not being able to stop the onslaught of thoughts.

weeks passed without you ever contacting choso again. your resolve would have never been this strong, hadn’t nobara intervened. while you were moping and still feeling restless, helpless even, she made sure to delete his number and made you take care of the bills before cutting off contact entirely. normally, she would have commented on it - but seeing how you were struggling through your first heartbreak, she decided to let it be. and because maki wouldn’t have hesitated to have her head if you’d ever snitched. maki had encouraged you to take your mind off things, dragging you along to some of the sports classes she attended. it did lift your mood ever so slightly, much to your surprise, it was more fun that you’d originally anticipated. maki attended so many different classes that seemed so intense that you were scared to join at first. in between the classes, you spent more time with your friends. gradually you opened up to them, explaining them the entire issue with choso and how you had struggled to let go. you told them one by one, until it was finally time to let megumi know.

out of everyone, megumi scared you the most - not because he was intimidating or violent but because you knew how he would react. he’d most definitely be upset about it because he was protective over his friends, not wanting them to be harmed in any way. you’d pleaded that at least nobara should tag along to knock some sense into him, should he snap - but megumi’s reaction surprised you. when you finished your story, he was awfully quiet. you assumed he was boiling in anger, reaching out to appease him but he was frowning, making a contemplative face. “uh listen, i think that choso’s yuuji’s brother.”

“he’s what?” nobara’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. megumi had recently started going out with someone that he’d met during work and though he hadn’t introduced you to said person yet, you did know that his name was yuuji.

“yuuji’s brother. i haven’t met him yet but he’s been complaining about his brother for weeks now,” megumi explained, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “choso’s an escort, right? it has to be yuuji’s brother. i’ve stayed over at yuuji’s place a couple of times… yuuji was venting, asking me about advice on how to get his brother out of a rut. apparently, choso’s been affected by this uh… somewhat breakup as well. yuuji’s suggested to him that he should reach out to you to talk but he said something about his work and your parents...”

“huh. what an interesting coincidence…” nobara mumbled but narrowed her eyes at you. “but you’re not going back to him, right?”

all the blood in your body froze. why had choso brought up your parents? they had never been a part of your relationship, you had only told him how overprotective they were and how they liked choosing your partners and friends for you. could it be?

“no, i don’t think so. i’m… very conflicted about our feelings to each other. it was stupid to give into my feelings for him in the first place. i hired someone to act as my fake boyfriend, someone who does this for a living. i think they know better than to catch feelings for their clients,” you sighed frustrated, shaking your head. there was no way in hell this situation could ever turn back around, even if you now knew that choso had also been affected. and still, he never reached out to me, you thought bitterly.

“i think you should talk it out though, if he does reach out to you,” megumi chimed in, awkwardly patting your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you. “from what yuuji’s told me, it does seem like his feelings are genuine. he didn’t outright push you away, right? who knows what could happen?”

in the end, you couldn’t help but confess to your parents. secrets were bound to be revealed one way or another and you figured it was better you opened up before they found out from someone else. the uncomfortable silence that spread through your apartment created a gloomy atmosphere; the tension was thick and palpable, making you shuffle in your seat in unease. your father hadn’t uttered any word while your mother had completely lost it, not understanding why you hadn’t instead chosen one of the boys she’d always introduced you to.

“all this time you were seeing this boy? and not once did you let us know. i could have asked my friend if they knew someone, their sons are so nice-”

“mum, i already told you i wanted to find someone on my own without having my options being presented to me on a silver plate. and you’re always so disappointed when i end up rejecting them after going through all of the hassle,” you interrupted her, giving her a defiant look. it wasn’t often that you opposed your parents like this but you felt like it was needed - your mother didn’t understand you, nor did she try. you were an adult, for fuck’s sake. you were very much capable of making your own decisions and mistakes to learn from.

“and yet you went to hire an escort! why didn’t you go and meet some of your classmates? i don’t understand why you went such lengths and then even ended up falling in love with them! how would you even pursue a relationship with them?” your mother seethed at you, knuckles blanching from how hard she was gripping her handbag. your father placed a hand on hers, whispering some soothing words in her ear.

“darling, i think y/n knows well that she’s made a mistake and is hurting from it. we don’t need to add to the stress, do we?” he assured her, then looking at you. “y/n, you know that i’m disappointed in you as well. but i don’t blame you for it, i think it’s partly my fault that you felt the need to hire an escort just to… gain some experience. i did take away all your possibilities of a relationship after all…”

“don’t encourage her! this problem won’t just be solved by you spoiling her again, do you know what kind of consequences it could h-”

a loud knock interrupted your mother’s rambling. you were confused - you didn’t expect anyone else for today. it was too late for someone to bring packages. who could it be? you excused yourself, padding towards the door to see who it was. you swore that you briefly suffered from a heart attack when the door swung open to reveal choso. he stared at you equally as stunned, seemingly not having expected you to open and greet him. “w- what are you doing here?” you asked, hating how shaky your voice sounded. how your heart soared, having missed his presence around you. the feelings had never been properly buried, only hidden by a thin layer of pretense that was now quickly being washed away.

“i’m sorry for just turning up unannounced… i was hoping- hoping to be able to talk to you for a bit? i wanted to explain myself,” choso replied, unaware of the two persons in your apartment that were straining their necks to be able to get a look at him.

you groaned. why now? the timing was just too comical, fate must really hate you. “i’m sorry, my parents are here right now. maybe, another t-”

“aha, so this is the boy my daughter has been sleeping with,” your mother appeared behind you, snarling at choso maliciously. panicking, your father had followed her quickly, holding her back by her arm. “you have some nerve appearing here as if nothing happened, what is it that you-”

“darling.” your father cleared his voice, shooting daggers at her. “there’s no need to be rude.”

swiftly, he introduced himself and your mother to choso, politely shaking his hand. choso remained calm, as usual, and introduced himself as well. if he was shocked by the entire ordeal, he sure didn’t show it. his face remained a perfect poker face, no emotions seeping through. “i wanted to talk to your daughter, ma’am. i assume she’s told you about our relationship and how we broke apart. there is no ulterior motive here, i just wanted to explain myself and talk it out.”

“that’s-!”

your father interrupted your mother again, not giving her another opportunity to spit venom at choso. “i think that is a good idea. though she has not opened up about everything, i can tell that she is hurting as much as you are. i believe a discussion would be very productive. but what is your intention? what are you going to do once you’ve explained yourself?”

suddenly, you felt like you were forgotten or invisible in the entire discussion. were they ignoring you? you were standing right there and yet no one was addressing you. you huffed, trying to pull their focus back on you. “nothing’s gonna happen, dad. there was nothing for us to work with and there won’t be.”

choso felt like he’d been slapped. he didn’t know what to make of your reaction but he came here for one reason only: to give you the closure that you deserved and he wasn’t going to leave until he accomplished just that. “i intend to apologize to her. judging from your wife’s reaction, you don’t seem to like me very much. i can’t imagine you would ever accept me, i know i don’t live up to your standards. i don’t deserve your daughter, she deserves so much more than what i can offer. and i’m aware of it. but if she’s willing to have me, i’ll try my very best to live up to your standards, to prove myself to you. i just want to be with her and make her happy. i’m in love with her and that’s what i intended to tell her.”

your heart stopped at his confession. all this time, choso loved you? megumi had been right all along. choso returned your feelings and he was here, so close and yet so far. dread filled you as you realized your parents could possibly drive him away, make him disappear from your life with just a snap of their fingers. you cherished choso more than you were aware of, the adoration running deep in your veins even when you were trying to reject him.

“i see. that’s reason enough for me. we’ve already let her have a piece of our mind, i don’t think she needs more telling off. my little girl has grown so much and it’s time to let her make her own decisions, growing and mistakes,” your father shot your mother a look. she’d calmed down, choso’s explanation seemingly having brought her back to her senses. she looked away, not wanting to look him in the eyes. “we’ll let you deal with this. but know that if she does take you back, i won’t go easy on you, alright? the bars are high and i don’t intend to lower them just because you love her. prove to me, that you’re worthy of her.”

“i will,” choso sounded so sure and confident that it made your father grin - you sure had found someone who took great care of you and wasn’t afraid to stand tall in front of your father. and that he liked, someone who wasn’t scared to back down from a challenge, someone who would be the perfect partner for you. as your parents said goodbye and left, he gave choso a pat on the shoulder before exiting the apartment, leaving the two of you to your own devices.

you didn’t know what to say, how to start. standing in the hallway was awkward but you couldn’t move just yet, instead wanting to hear what he had to say first. “you love me?” you croaked, your voice failing you. now that your parents were gone, you could freely show your emotions, not being able to hold the tears back any longer. choso panicked, fussing over you as you started to cry. furiously, you wiped the tears away with the sleeves of your sweater.

“i do. i uhm wish i had found a better way to tell you this. i figured that you probably thought that everything we did was simply a facade but i promise you that it was all real. i don’t know when exactly but i started falling for you along the way and it was hard… to remind myself that you were a client and i was just there to provide the service to you, you know? i had no right to get mad at you if you decided to go and see other people. and i wasn’t sure of your feelings for me, it was…” choso trailed off, struggling to find the right word but you knew what he meant and nodded, signaling him to continue. “i just didn’t want to tie you to me when you… when you might not like me back or even want to be with an escort.”

you sniffled quietly, wrapping your arms around him immediately, with such a speed that it almost knocked the air out of his lungs. confused, choso wrapped his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin and rubbing your back soothingly. he was relieved that you didn’t push him away at least and let him explain everything in one go. he felt more at ease now and was at peace with the decision to immediately leave and never butt in your life again in case you rejected him.

“all this time, i also loved you,” you mumbled, an upset frown on your face. “i- i just kept thinking that you’d never return my feelings and that you were just playing boyfriend because i hired you to do so and-”

you hiccuped, another sob tearing from your throat.

“when you told me not to go on that date and immediately followed it with you only being my escort and nothing more, it hurt me so much and i know it was stupid and childish of me to react in such a way but… i was just spiraling, i love you so much and didn’t know where to place the anxieties and negative feelings.”

choso shushed you quietly when your sobs grew more frequent and you let him pick you up, clinging onto him as he walked over to the couch and sat on it with you on his lap. “shh, you’re okay, we’re okay,” he mumbled against the crown of your head, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “i’m sorry i hurt you so much, i was not aware that you already liked me back then and that my words would have such an effect on you.”

over and over, choso apologized quietly until you calmed down, slumping against his chest. you stayed silent, trying to piece your thoughts and feelings back together so as to present him with a coherent and logical question. your mind was in shambles and you hoped that choso would at least get what you were hinting at. “so w- what do we do now? where do we- we go from here?”

“as i’ve already told your dad… if you’ll have me, i’ll make it up to you, all the hurt that i’ve caused you. i love you, so much. i want to be your boyfriend, and this time officially.”

“i like the sound of it,” you mumbled, tilting your head back to look at him. “will you be my boyfriend?”

“it would be an honour, princess.”

with a kiss, choso sealed the deal, easily catapulting you back on cloud nine. who would have thought that the escort you’d hired to be your fake boyfriend would turn out to be the prince charming you had always hoped for, surpassing even your wildest dreams and expectations. choso was everything you wanted and more - he was the person you wanted to wake up to every morning, the person you wanted to come home to. he was the person with whom you wanted to spend your life with, the person that loved you so unconditionally and never expected anything in return. you were lucky that he chose you, that he loved you back. out of all the persons in the universe, it was him.

he was perfect and he was yours.

p.s.: if you've made it until the end: thank you so much for reading!

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lokeanwelcomingcommittee · 2 years

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Hi, I'm sorry to bother you with this question but I'm very new to deities so i know no other blogs about the topic (it's just *almost* a year I've been honoring Loki but that's about it).

Lately I've felt a different presence around me and i was pretty sure it was Odin due to "hints" and my intuition but according to some tarot readings that i did it's not the case. Still, i have this feeling that tells me it's Odin or at least someone very similar to him so i wanted to ask if any of you had some deities or other entities correspondences with the three of wands card, I'd really appreciate it.

Also i take the chance to thank you for this blog which has helped me a lot and that is just awsome... And to say I'm sorry for my english, have a nice day 💕

Hi there! Thank you so much for the kind words, and I'm glad the blog's been helpful to you, and absolutely no worries on the language front.

One sec, let me dig out my wizard robe and hat orb for this one.

I'm actually going to start from the end, because I'm going to suggest if you're using tarot that a one-card draw to identify a deity may not be enough. Certainly for some purposes one card works, but to kind of give an example I'm going to be as generic as possible and just look at the Wiki page for the Three of Wands, which contains stuff like "fresh starts," "partnership," "pursuing a journey," all of which would be very easy to read as confirming there's someone new about-- but it doesn't really give a lot of clues as to who, and while people do often develop "significators" or other cards they associate with deities, people, or anything else, those associations aren't really set in stone and often rely on personal associations/elements, so it's another instance where I could imagine logical associations, but certainly it wouldn't be a card I'd limit to representing one thing without some personal experience or direction behind it-- it could really point to a number of entities. With that said, if tarot is a divination method you're more experienced and/or comfortable with, our deity identification tag has a number of spreads designed for that purpose that might be a bit more illuminating, along with more tips and advice on that process in general.

That does give us a nice segue to my next point, which is that while I don't know what exactly your divination or communication situation is with Loki, you may be aware that him and Óðinn often do seem to show up together in modern experience, but even if it's not him, there is the possibility he may have more insight. Also-- and to stress, this as always is an optional choice that you can take or leave-- but you did mention Óðinn twice in this ask, once after doing divination that said it wasn't him. Obviously I don't know exactly why that is (and you are of course not required to tell me or anyone), but while there are-- to be clear-- a number of shifty wizards with a penchant for poetry and perturbation out there, so there are other possibilities-- I speak only for myself, but I think it's at least slightly notable he's still in the running, and exploring why might be useful to you-- to stress again, depending on your comfort level, he is a god known for drinking and knowing things (Grímnismál), so you could try asking him. I grant you he's not a god totally averse to taking credit even if it wasn't, and the poem I just mentioned has him going by "Grímnir" which means something like "masked or shadowy face," so you will also run into the paradox of asking a masked man who he is, but... you do seem to be in that situation whether it's Óðinn or not. Again, who you approach (if anyone), and venerating or working with whoever this presence turns out to be, or anyone you might meet in the process of finding out, is ultimately up to you, and again, the deity identification and discernment tags have a lot of good information on ways beyond divination to figure something like this out, along with good advice on best practices while doing it.

I hope some of that was helpful to you anon, and of course best of luck. If you do end up having more questions about Óðinn (although again to stress: it could definitely be someone else), while it now functions as more of a library/resource horde I do also maintain @oldbastard101, and you're welcome to send an ask there or my personal blog.

-Mod V

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actualbird · 2 years

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OMG YOU PLAY DND!!! ive wanted to play it since forever but have a sort of logistical issue regarding the same, and any advice you could give would really be appreciated. i don't know anyone irl whos willing to play with me, and I'm never able to join online groups because of time zone issues (roughly GMT +6 hours) and they're all either american or european. If you have any ways on how to find other asian players online or anything else I could do instead I'd really appreciate it <3 even if not no worries ^^ hope you have a great day/night ahead

yeah, i do!!!! this campaign in particular has been going on for more than year now :DDD

and hmmm....im not sure how to find any dnd communities online bc the ppl i play with r irl friends and ive never been in like, a dnd server or anything. but i do have one thing to suggest:

check around if theres a local dnd community in ur area!!!

our DM (who also happens to be my cousin, HAHA) is p active in the local dnd scene here in metro manila, which is why i know it exists. another friend of mine is a part an organization that runs tabletop RPG events. all of this i had No Idea Existed until i Looked, so maybe ask around where u r and see if theres already a community near u!!!

hope you have a great day/night too :DDD

#asks #nerds r everywhere we're just hiding #anon

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dex-xe · 3 years

Note

Regarding the ficlet ideas :)

You don't have to do all or even any of these, these are just the things that popped into my head when I was scrolling through! Also if you want to write them romantically you do it, we love and support youuu!!!

Fluff: 7 (Mary and Robin, probably platonic) & 10 (Mary and Kitty, also probably platonic)

General: 18 (Julian and literally anyone, it'll be hilarious)

And General 45. With Alison and Cap (and maybe all the other ghosts) becuase I feel you'd write it really sweetly and honestly it's a scene I'd really like to see

Alison & Captain General #45: “Are you afraid to die?”

So there’s still one more prompt from this person (the Julian one) but I’m combining it with other ideas so expect that soon!! The others have also been done here:

Fluff #7

Fluff #10

But yeah,, this got no interaction at all on AO3 but that’s okay cause I actually really enjoyed writing this one there are some good lines I think. Let me know what you think either here on on AO3 I don’t mind. (Also there is a Doctor Who reference in here but I can’t remember which episode it’s from so if yall find it let me know XD)

TW:// in depth discussions of death.

The dark ceiling of Alison’s bedroom swirled in front of her as she listened to the soft rumbling of her husband’s snores beside her. The glowing red lights of her alarm clock served as a warning to her impending sleepless night: 2:15am.

Worries of life and family and the hotel and the unusual presence of 20 odd dead people inhabiting her home raced through her head as she begged for some kind of distraction from her thoughts. She tried not to set too many rules for the ghosts: whenever she did, they would work even harder to break every written order she laid down - and also every unwritten rule that common sense laid down. But one rule Alison was strict on was their nighttime curfew: do what you want around the house (as long as it doesn’t make too much noise, mess or irritance) but do not, under any circumstance, enter the master bedroom.

She’d originally given them the usual “only in emergencies” protocol but, after Robin had scared Alison out of bed at 4am having deemed a fat ginger cat on the front lawn an emergency, this had quickly been scrapped. But watching the dust flow through beams of moonlight while contemplating every life decision she’d ever made, the prospect of some inconceivable disaster interrupting the ghosts’ eternal deaths was seeming ever more pleasurable.

Alison sighed and sat up to look over Mike deep in sleep, jealous of his peaceful snoring. She swung off the bed being careful not to jostle the sheets but flinched at the freezing floorboards touching her bare feet. She tiptoed slowly through the empty corridors occasionally stopping to listen at the doors of the ghosts’ bedrooms: quiet snoring from Pat’s, mumbled sleep talking from Kitty’s, total silence on behalf of the others.

Every common room lay vacant, excluding Robin curled up in front of the dying fire, so Alison continued on to the kitchen - taking Nigel’s advice to fetch some milk when she’s stressed.

Upon entering the kitchen, she was taken aback to find it was not as empty as the rest of the house would suggest. Leaning back against the far tiled wall with his eyes shut and head resting back on the cold surface, the Captain looked as if he could be asleep standing upright. His eyes snapped open and settled straight on Alison frozen in the doorway. He blinked slowly before darting towards the corner of the room in his usual long-legged, gangly run.

“Captain?” Alison called as he turned away from her. “No, no! It’s alright!”

The Captain stopped. Still. Silent. In a moment of alarming quietness.

“Sorry for disturbing you, Captain. I’ll only be a moment!” Alison said quietly, making her way over to the fridge. “God, I hope Robin isn’t in here.” She pulled open the door with great gusto, fleetingly thrilled by the presence of broccoli, strawberry yoghurt, and half a pasta bake rather than the shouting menace of a caveman.

She shut the door with the milk carton in hand and turned to find the Captain still facing the wall, breathing heavily in what appeared to be a WW2 remake of the Blair Witch Project.

“You can just go back to… whatever you were doing, now,” Alison took a swig from the carton. “Plotting your latest hair-brained scheme to get rid of me?”

“Now, now, Alison,” the Captain said, turning back around to face her and swaying ever so slightly on his heels, stick gripped tight behind him. “I’m less inclined to dispose of you nowadays.”

“Yeah?” Alison raised her eyebrows with a knowing glance and took another sip. “Well, I appreciate that, Cap.”

“Hmm,” the Captain agreed.

“Why are you awake then? Are you awake or do ghosts sleep upright against a wall? Is this some mechanic I don’t know about? Do ghosts have to sleep?” Alison asked rapid fire.

“Of course we sleep! What did you think we do during the night?” The Captain pointed to Alison’s milk and frowned. “You shouldn’t drink it like that. That’s how disease spreads.

“It’s only me that uses it, just don’t tell Fanny, yeah?”

“Mum’s the word,” he murmured.

Alison smiled. “So why are you up, then? Shouldn’t you be getting that beauty sleep?”

“Sometimes it’s a little difficult to drift off, I’m sure you understand that being awake at this hour too.”

“Oh yeah,” Alison said quietly. She lifted her carton up in a small gesture of cheers and made a move to leave. “Well, got my milk. I guess… I’ll just head back to bed then. Good night, Captain.” She had barely made it out of the door before the Captain spoke up once more.

“You could stay for a while,” the Captain said. “If you wanted to. I mean, if you didn’t want to just lay in bed gazing at the ceiling.”

“I’d like that,” Alison pulled out the chair closest, scraping the legs across the tiled floor and interrupting the silence of the house. She left the chair open for the Captain and moved to sit opposite him, settling into the quiet comfort.

“Isn’t it weird to think the dead sleep?” Alison commented. “Doesn’t seem right, does it? Cause sleeping is a bit like being dead only without the commitment so it’s like you’re kind of double dead.”

“Death is nothing like sleeping, Alison. Don’t talk to me about death if you don’t understand it.” The Captain sniffed at her and leant back in his chair maintaining his usual stoic exterior.

“Sorry,” Alison said. “I didn’t mean-,”

“It’s fine,” the Captain said quickly. The pair fell back into silence, they had never exactly been the closest of friends and Alison certainly wouldn’t describe him as her best (undead) friend but they were friend-ly, for sure. Certainly more now that he’d ceased trying to drive her from the house at every opportunity that presented itself. Then again, death does strange things to people, Alison thought, her friends had proved that much. They showed little regard for the lives of the living, thinking very much of themselves and the Captain was surely the embodiment of that.

“It’s not awful, as such,” the Captain interrupted the quiet. Alison looked up from the table to find him watching her intently. “Death. It’s not as terrible as you might think. I know that’s what you were going to ask.”

“Oh,” Alison said. “I wasn’t- I wasn’t actually going to say anything.”

“I know. But you were thinking it.” The Captain said. “You’re in a rather unique position, Alison, I must say. Not many people can say they have a good understanding of death before it happens, but you know more than most.”

“I still don’t really get it, though,” Alison admitted drawing lines across the table with her fingers.

“If I’m telling the truth, neither do I,” the Captain confessed. “I don’t remember it too well. It was like- like falling asleep and then immediately waking up again. You know that plummeting feeling that happens right as you’re about to drop into sleep, like everything is calm and then suddenly you’re losing grip of reality, and then you’re wide awake again.”

“A hypnic jerk,” Alison quipped.

“Sorry?” He asked.

“That’s what it’s called, that falling thing. A hypnic jerk.” Alison said. “We did it in science class, I think. Your body thinks it’s dying so it does the jerk to make sure that you’re still alive. Makes sense that’s what dying feels like, I guess.”

“Are you afraid to die, Alison?” The question took Alison by surprise, it was unlike the Captain to be open about his emotions and even more unlikely for him to ask about others’ feelings.

“If I have to stay with this rowdy lot for eternity, then yes definitely,” Alison joked with a small laugh.

The Captain smiled and hummed in agreement: “Oh I’m sure I’d have agreed if given the choice before death. Not exactly the most peaceful post-death existence.”

“I’m a little bit scared,” Alison admitted.

“You shouldn’t be too worried, it’s not all that bad,” the Captain said with a shrug.

“Yeah, because you seem to be having a blast with your afterlife, Cap. Happy as Larry,” Alison said sarcastically, she threw the now-empty carton into the bin beside her and settled back towards the table, leaning forward closer to the Captain - their faces barely inches apart.

The Captain paused, his eyes boring into Alison’s sleepy face before he leant forward to match her and whisper in secret confidence.

“It is rather bad,” he reneged. “You should fear it, well done for being scared.” Alison chuckled. “Well thanks, Cap! I feel so much better now!”

“Now, you know that’s not what I mean,” the Captain said slowly, unsure of where he was going next. “As long as you die here, you have no reason to be afraid. We’ll care for you in death as you have for us in life. Be sure, Alison, we’ll teach you all we know.”

“You know, Julian has told me the ‘teachings’ you gave him when he died,” Alison chuckled.

“Somebody needed to give that scoundrel a good telling off; heaven knows no one in life ever did. Julian died much as he lived: with an air of superiority.” The Captain coughed and smirked across at Alison. “He waltzed in here as if he owned the place, demanding authority and respect and, as far as I’m concerned, those are qualities that are earned.”

“Like you?” Alison said pointedly.

“I’m sorry?”

“Did you earn the authority you have over the others?”

“That is beyond the point.” The Captain stated. “You’re rather lucky, Alison! You’ve met a somewhat tempered version of Julian, he’s actually rather bearable these days, likeable sometimes, you wouldn’t believe him in the early days.”

“Oh I can only imagine! And I’m better then, I assume? Seeing as I’m deemed worthy of your afterlife teachings?” Alison laughed.

“Indeed,” the Captain said.

“Were you afraid?” Alison asked. “Of death, I mean? Obviously like, before it happened.”

“No,” the Captain shrugged, finally heeling away from Alison and breaking their close eye contact. “A soldier is never afraid. When you enlist to serve for your country, you relinquish any right to fear your death. Service kills many who enter, you cannot fear the inevitable.”

“But you didn’t die in service?”

“I was a soldier. No matter if my demise happened during the war or 60 years later, I lived a soldier and I died a soldier.” The Captain said certainly. Whenever he spoke of his time in the military he straightened right up and masked any kind of emotion he had allowed to trickle through.

“Now that you’re not a soldier then, are you afraid of… you know, moving on?”

“Of being sucked off?” The Captain clarified.

“I refuse to say that,” Alison shook her head. “And frankly it’s cruel that Julian has kept this joke up. But are you scared?”

“I am still a soldier, Alison. I’ll always be a soldier.”

“Time has moved on, no more fighting and no more soldiers but you know that, Captain.”

“Doesn’t change anything. Time.” The Captain said, matter of fact. The darkness of the kitchen mostly shrouded his face but Alison could easily make out the outline of his sharp features and piercing eyes.

“Time changes everything.” She stated. “You should know that better than most.”

“I’m a soldier.” He repeated, mumbling it under his breath like a reassuring mantra. “For King and country.”

“Queen.” Alison corrected.

Allowing himself, for just a moment, to relinquish his solid, iron-clad grip on the past, the Captain softly whispered: “For Queen and country.”

#bbc ghosts #ficbymax

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witchysleepingbeauty · 3 years

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Hi lovely! Hope you are doing well. I don't usually discuss my manifestions but I thought I'd give it a shot. So I came back to my home country after the expiration of my UK student visa. Before leaving I had decided that I'm going to do another Masters and move back in September. However, I think I was too tangled up with my 3D because it's August now and I haven't seen any movement except recieving my acceptance offer. My father will be helping me out financially, however, given that I went in 2019 and it took around 20k pounds and Covid financial setbacks - he had told me in March that he can't help me until Sept 2022 so I might as well accept my fate and get a job here instead. But I resisted saying that I know the money will get arranged and I'll leave by September. But it's August and since he still hasn't arranged anything, I decided to defer my admission to January (since from showing financial documents to receiving visa takes atleast 8 weeks and even if it happened now, it would be hard to leave before mid-september).

I've listened to Dylan James financial and basic self concept affirmations for 2 months + keep a gratitude journal but I feel like manifestation got delayed because I was too attached to my family continually discouraging me + my attachment to current 3D circumstances where I didn't have the finances arranged. So, I took a step back 2 weeks ago, and made me own affirmations tape for 3 minutes which includes my desired reality and I listen to it every night while sleeping. I'm continuing with my gratitude list + 15 minutes affirmations before sleep with theta waves + breathwork 3 times a day. I'm stuck in my house since March as my mother doesn't let anyone go out due to Covid and I don't have anything to do, so I keep a vigilant manifestation routine. 😂 I read, listen to audio books, watch a film a day etc. to keep my occupied for the day.

The thing is, I would really appreciate if you had any suggestions for me. I was in a really anxious and depressive place mentally before this month as I was too attached to my 3D and was dealing with the pain of having to come back home - which I think delayed my desires. My family situation isn't exactly healthy and I would really love to go back to UK, so I can get back to being my happiest version, surrounded by my friends. I also was seeing a guy for 3 months before leaving, (only for 4 dates tho) and we still talk. I'd love for my visa situation to move forward so we can finally move on to being in a relationship. (I actually hardly date as I have a lot of PTSD due to my past. But this guy is my one, and there's nothing more either of us want than to be with each other right now. I'd love to call him my boyfriend soon.)

Now that I'm in a more neutral place, I have minimal to no anxiety attacks and breakdowns. I am more focused on my self-concept, and my mental well being. I keep a strict mental diet and my negative mental conversations have radically reduced. What I'm trying to say is that I'm way more stable now. 🙂

I've adjusted my plans to move back to UK in January. For this, I need to manifest 20K pounds + accommodation + getting a confirmed seat at the Uni + my student visa. I would really appreciate it if you could lend me any suggestions from an objective and outside perspective which I might not yet be seeing due to my emotional involvement.

I know this has been long but I really appreciate your help. I am building more self-confidence, trust and believe within my own operant power instead of giving my power away to 3D or the people around me. And I'd love any advice you would have for me! 💗

I'd also love it if you could answer this privately? (If that's possible) 💗

Thank you for all your help! Your blog has motivated me numerous time and actually came to me as a synchronisation event. So thank you for all that you do! 🌞

You’re getting way too involved with the 3D circumstances. “I need to manifest x, y and z to do this” NO you don’t need to manifest anything, you need to manifest moving back to the UK. Not the how, not the “steps”. Stop creating a checklist and trying to manifest that, you’re just losing time and creating resistance because you’re facing every day the reality that x, y and z aren’t happening.

You want to manifest moving back to the UK, you don’t care about money, visas or anything that involves the process. Shift your attention where it matters!

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sophiainspace · 5 years

Note

For the dialogue prompts, I'd love to see 82 with Mick, your choice who the others involved are

82. [Rephrased] “Look at her like that one more time and I’ll make sure you’ll never look at anyone again.”

Len could tell Mick and Lisa were home before they even entered the warehouse, and he was rather wishing they’d stayed away.

“I cannot believe you!” Lisa was screaming, out in the middle of the freaking car park.

Len winced. “Safe house, Lisa,” he muttered, but it had always been useless trying to explain such things to his teenage sister, who did what she wanted - cops, other criminals and the mob be damned.

He’d been enjoying a great nature documentary, too. He sighed, pausing the video at a rather dramatic moment where a lion was about to rip into a zebra. And folded his arms, and waited.

He didn’t have to wait long. There was the slam of a door, followed by a weak, “Oh come on, Lise,” which almost sounded contrite. And then the clomp-clomp of Doc Marten boots (that Len had stolen from a very expensive boutique) stomping towards him.

“Do you wanna hear what he did?” Lisa demanded, appearing in front of him.

He tilted his head. “Good morning, Lenny, how are you? Oh I’m fine, sis, thanks for asking, what about you?”

She stomped her foot like a child, the heavy heel of her boot echoing through the mostly-empty warehouse. “Do you wanna hear what he did?” she repeated, her face turning more sour by the second.

“Not really.” She scowled, and he rolled his eyes at her. “Fine. What did he do?”

She flopped dramatically down on the couch, her nineteen years perfectly embodied in her entire pose. “Ask him.”

Pretending this wasn’t stretching his patience to its limits, he called out to the guy who hadn’t bothered coming in yet. “Mick. Why does my sister have a face like a smacked ass, and what exactly was your role in this oh-so-terrible predicament that she’s dying to to tell me about but won’t?”

Mick’s face appeared in the doorway, but he didn’t stop - just kept marching straight down to the back wall, which held the cupboards where they kept the food and alcohol. Of course.

Len repressed an actual growl. “When you’ve got a minute, Mick, I need to interrogate you. Possibly with torture, depending on what you’ve done.”

Crouched down at the cupboard, pulling out packets of donuts, Mick shot back, “I ain’t done nothing. She’s just being a spoiled little shit.”

“I am not!” Lisa screamed.

Len stood up, pointing meaningfully at the broken office chair across from the couch. “Sit, Mick. Before I make you.” He annunicated every word in the latter sentence very carefully.

Seconds later, Mick was in the chair.

“Thank you. Now, what did you do that pissed Lisa off?” Len rubbed his temples. “And if you could try to tell me without screaming at each other, my head would appreciate it.”

Beside him, Lisa huffed. Mick glared at her. “I went with her to the bar like you said, right?” He kept glaring, managing to make it sarcastic. “Since she was so determined to stay out till six in the fucking morning when she ain’t even old enough to drink.”

Lisa snorted at the ceiling. “Oh right, because everything you do is so legal.”

Mick kept talking over her. “And I come back from the shitter, right, and this twenty-something fucker is hitting on her, ‘cause, I mean, look at her,” he added, indicating Lisa’s fairly impressive mostly-leather outfit and sniffing like it offended him. Len was hoping that particular argument wasn’t going to turn ugly again. He was of the opinion that Lisa could wear whatever she wanted. Mick was not. “And by the time I get back to the bar,” Mick went on, “he’s getting real handsy with her. And all I said was that the guy should get his fucking hands off my sister, and that if he looked at her like that one more time I’d make sure he never looked at anyone else ever again.”

“Ableist fucker,” Lisa added, with just a touch of glee, shrugging when Mick’s death-glare intensified.

“Not ableist!” he protested. “I didn’t say I’d discriminate against him when he was blind. Just that I was gonna make him that way.” He pouted, apparently taking the comment to heart.

Lisa sat up, scowling over crossed arms. “See?” she demanded of Len. “He’s a misogynistic bastard! He thinks I’m a child! He lost me a date!”

Len sighed hard. He made an ‘everyone calm, please’ gesture, his fingers and thumbs making zen-like circles. The other two ignored him.

Mick’s face was turning nearly as grumpy as Lisa’s. “What’s misog— That?”

“Misogynistic. Sexist. Women-hating. Crack a book, Mick - geez.”

Ouch. Len tilted his head. There were off-limits subjects in this house, and everyone knew it. The list included Lewis Snart, Len’s PTSD, and Mick’s dyslexia. Making fun of any of those things usually resulted in breakages and fires, both which Len objected to when not on schedule. “Lisa,” Len growled. “Apologise. Now.”

Lisa fiddled with a loose thread on her jacket. “Yeah, okay.”

“Okay what?”

Parenting. Simultaneously the best and worst job Len had never asked for. No wonder he was shit at it. Even now, with Lisa technically an adult.

“Okay, I’m sorry, Mick,” she muttered.

Mick grunted in lieu of acceptance.

“Right. Mick, are you gonna apologise for losing Lisa a date?”

Mick’s eyes got wider at him. “You telling me you think she’s right?”

Len let his head fall back against the couch back, already so done with this. “No, Mick. I think you’re both assholes. But she might have a point that you’re an overprotective misogynist who’s way too invested in what she’s wearing and who she’s dating.”

“Hah!” Lisa said, pointing.

“And you,” Len said, turning to Lisa, whose face scrunched into a scowl again. “What was the reason I made Mick come to the bar with you, hmm? Was it that I was being an overprotective brother?”

“No,” she muttered.

“Why was it?” he pushed, patiently. Useless advice was ringing in his head from the dozen parenting books he had speed-read during those weeks of panic after Lisa had... got hurt, and Len had gained very unexpected custody.

She was once again staring up at the spots of damp on the warehouse ceiling. Her voice was quieter when she finally replied. “Because you have a lot of enemies in this town, not to mention the cops, and any one of them could decide to use me against you, at any time. And then I could get really hurt.”

Len swallowed down the bile that came with that thought. “Right. And how would that make me feel?”

“Not good,” she said quietly, glancing at him and looking away again.

They didn’t talk about it anymore. The way Len had reacted when Lewis hit Lisa, when they still lived with the bastard. The things Len had done to protect her. The times he hadn’t been able to. It didn’t mean either of them had forgotten.

“Okay,” Len said, nodding. “So, will you stop complaining if Mick occasionally overreacts while he’s trying to keep an eye on you?”

“Okay,” she echoed, her voice now very quiet. She glanced between Mick and Len. “Sorry.”

Mick grunted again.

Len coughed to break the uncomfortable silence that followed. “Thank you, Lise. Now, don’t you think it’s time you got some sleep? Sunday morning or not. I seem to recall you have a job interview tomorrow.”

A smile flickered across her face. Len fought not to smile back. He would never tell a soul how happy it made him to see that look on his sister’s face. “The van driving thing. Right.” She got up, leaning down to leave an indulgent kiss on Len’s forehead. Then, with a still-petulant look, she shrugged and popped a kiss on Mick’s cheek.

And then she literally skipped away, towards the curtained-off space that served as her bedroom.

Blinking, Len turned to Mick. “You, uh, called her... your sister?”

Mick scratched his head. “Okay, yeah. About that...”

Len laughed. He pushed himself up, heading for the chair and straddling it. “Oof,” Mick grunted in surprise, which Len ignored while he leaned in to kiss his partner.

“Ahh.” Mick breathed a contented sigh when they finally pulled apart.

“You’re a good guy, Mick Rory,” Len observed, running his hand over Mick’s shaved head. “In your own way.”

Mick grunted. “Miso...gystic.”

Len shrugged. “You can work on that.”

“Nope. I ain’t gonna change,” Mick countered, glaring.

Grinning, Len wriggled off Mick’s lap and stood, offering him a hand. As he pulled Mick up, Len said, “Of course not.”

As Len led him to their bedroom, Mick didn’t let go of his hand. “I’ll apologise to her tomorrow.”

“Steal her a leather jacket,” Len suggested. “She’ll forget in minutes.”

Mick hummed. “She was looking at this yellow flowery dress in a store window the other day. I could get her that.” His face resolved into a sour look. “Ugh. She’s gonna wear it with DM boots, ain’t she?”

Len laughed. “She ain’t gonna change either.”

“Of course not,” Mick echoed.

And then they reached the bedroom, and that was the last time they thought about Lisa for a while.

Until she started screaming at them to keep the fucking noise down because she did not need to hear her brother and his live-in boyfriend having sex, thank you.

Which rather killed the mood.

Dialogue prompts

#greensphynx #dccoldwave #leonard snart #lisa snart #mick rory #the flash fanfic #rogues fanfic #my fic #can’t quite call this a drabble but close enough #humour #well that’s what I was aiming for anyway #cw referenced child abuse #none of us can queue this alone

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terrayoung · 5 years

Text

A Delicate Balance

A @dctvsecretsanta fic for @drnathanielheywood, who asked for: team legends stealing Christmas presents through time and Nate/Mick. It’s in Nate’s 2nd person p.o.v.

Fic is under the cut - I hope you enjoy!

"Pleeeeeeeaaaaaassssseeee?" Ray asks, holding out a bowl full of paper slips. "Wally and Mick already agreed - though Mick might've just done it to get me to leave him alone - and I'm sure the others will, too!" He widens his eyes. "I'd really appreciate it! Secret Santa is just the kind of bonding activity we need right now!"

You sigh. Damn those puppy-dog eyes. "Okay, fine. But you owe me an Indiana Jones marathon. And I mean all the movies - even Crystal Skull."

"That's fair."

Ray thrusts the bowl even closer to you. You close your eyes, pray that you get someone easy to shop for, and rummage around in the bowl for your lucky slip. Fingers on your free hand crossed, you unfold the paper. In scrawled black writing is two words and an emoji, "Mick Rory :)". Ray's looking at you expectantly, so you force a smile on your face.

"Didn't get myself, buddy, so I guess that's good," you say.

"Yep!" Ray beams. "Oh, and before I forget - Mick suggested being able to steal the gifts. Long as you don't take it/them from the less fortunate, it's fair game." He pulls you into a brief, one-armed hug. "Thanks, Nate!"

You watch as Ray leaves your room, then finally let the smile slip off your face. "What the fuck do I do now? Um, Gideon?"

"Yes, Dr. Heywood?" Gideon asks.

"Any ideas on what I could get Mick for the Secret Santa?"

"I'm afraid Dr. Palmer requested that I not give anyone advice about their giftees." She almost sounds regretful. "He said it would be considered cheating."

"Gee, thanks a lot," you mutter.

"You're welcome!"

"Damn AI."

"I heard that," Gideon warns.

You throw up your hands in frustration and flop onto your bed. After a few seconds, you roll over so you can scream into a pillow. You roll over again a few seconds after that since the lack of oxygen is getting to your head.

What on Earth could you possibly get - or steal - for Mick? You put too little effort into this and he'll burn you to a crisp, but putting too much effort in would be like a neon sign telling him about your crush. Anything fire-related is too obvious and you know nothing about what he'd need for crime. It's probably too soon to give Mick a new rat and he could just fabricate himself some beer. What does he even like to do?

...Wait. You vaguely remember Mick being super gung-ho about vampires - he was even reading a special edition copy of Dracula. Maybe that's something you can work with.

XxXx

You knock on Sara's door the next day. It takes a few seconds for her to open it, by which point you're already rocking back and forth on your heels.

"Can I help you?" Sara asks, rubbing at her eyes.

You nod. "Mind if I borrow the jump ship for a few hours? I think I know what to get my Secret Santa."

"Promise to never wake me up at..." She grabs your wrist, drags it towards her, and checks the time on your watch. "At 6AM ever again?"

"What if there's a life-threatening emergency?"

"If it's before 9AM, I don't care."

"Then, yes, I promise," you say, giving Sara a mock solute.

Sara releases your wrist and waves you away. "Fine. Go. Have fun shopping or stealing or what-the-fuck-ever. I'm going back to sleep."

"Sleep -" You're cut off by Sara sliding the door shut on you- "well." You run a hand through your hair. "Next stop, late nineteenth century." A few steps towards the jump ship remind you that you're still wearing your slippers. "After a trip to the fabrication room."

XxXx

You're barely out of the fabrication room - and still trying to fix your tie - when you run into Mick. Literally. Your forehead slams right into his chin. You stumble back, clutching your head, while he just stands there like a brick wall. A very well-muscled brick wall...

You shake your head - causing it to ache some more - to get your brain back on track. Mick raises an eyebrow.

"You okay there, Pretty?" Mick asks. His gravelly voice rattles through your bones. "Sounded like you hit me pretty hard."

You rub your forehead one last time, then let your arm drop. "Think I'm gonna have one hell of a headache, but I'll live. How are you not in any pain?"

"I am." Mick shrugs. "But I've lived through worse." He stops, stares at your chest, and then rolls his eyes. You have two seconds to blink before Mick's closer than you'd ever hoped he'd get.

"Umm, Mick?" You'll swear on every bible in the country that your voice didn't just crack. "What's goin' on?"

"Fixing your stupid tie," Mick mutters.

There's a spark each time his hands brush against your chest. Mick's face is so close to yours and it takes every bit of your willpower to not lean in for a kiss. You don't even realize that you were holding your breath until Mick steps back and it all rushes out of you.

Mick smirks, proud of his handiwork. "There ya go." He looks you up and down. "Where're you going? Didn't think we had a mission today."

"We - we don't," you reply. "I'm going to go get my Secret Santa's gift." You run a hand through your hair. "No idea how Ray managed to convince all of us to do that, by the way."

Mick just grunts and shrugs.

"Anyway, um, I'm going to go do that -" you gesture vaguely in the direction of the jump ship -"and I'll see you later?"

"...Sure." Mick steps around you and heads down the hallway. He calls over his shoulder, "Long as you don't get yourself killed."

You're not sure if Mick thinks you're likely to, or if this is his own way of showing concern. It's been a couple of years since you met him and you're no closer to having him figured out. Luckily, you've always been a fan of mysteries. Not as much as histories, but -

You shake your head. Now is really not the time for your train of thought to run off the tracks. You give yourself a few seconds to remember Mick's closeness, then return to heading off to the jump ship. You've got a gift to track down.

XxXx

"Why couldn't this have been a normal trip to Ye Olde Bookshoppe?" You mutter. "Oh, wait, normal flew out the window once I stepped onboard a freaking timeship!"

"Be quiet!" Van Helsing - Abigail Van Helsing - hisses. "Unless you want the vampire to get us!"

You hold up your hands, then mime zipping your mouth shut. Van Helsing just frowns before turning to look out of the alleyway.

You'd started out going to buy an original copy of Dracula for Mick, planning on getting it signed by Bram Stoker himself. But then a fucking vampire had literally crashed the party! Then Van Helsing followed it through, announced she would take care of the beast, and then chased after it. You'd declared your intention to help, and well, here you are now. Somewhere in the middle you've managed to figure out that Dracula was loosely based on a true story. Very loosely, if Van Helsing being named Abigail instead of Abraham and the vampire not having much in the way of sentience are any indication.

"It's coming," Van Helsing whispers. "You distract it with your "powers"-" how is she able to sound like she's miming air quotes a century before they were a thing?- "and then I'll stab it in the chest. Is that understood?"

You nod, then steel up. Van Helsing's eyes widen. As soon as you hear the vampire scuffle past, you step out of the alleyway. The sun gleams off of your silver skin and attracts the vampire's attention. You slowly back away to lure it closer and closer to Van Helsing. Once you've moved far enough, you give her a thumbs-up.

Van Helsing may not recognize the gesture, but she knows a signal when she sees one and jumps towards the vampire. There's a bit of a struggle - most of which is on the vampire's end - and then it's over as soon as it began. Van Helsing brushes the dust off her knife.

"Thank you," Van Helsing says after a moment. "That would have been a lot more difficult without your help."

You shrug before de-steeling. "No problem. Mind if I ask you a question?"

"I suppose I owe you that much. What is it?"

"Do you know where I could find Bram Stoker?" You hold up the now slightly battered copy of Dracula. "I've got a book for him to sign."

XxXx

Bram Stoker looks from you, to Dracula, and then back to you. "You want me to write a dedication to someone I've never even heard of?"

"Yes, please," you answer. "He's a huge fan - uh, admirer - of your writing, and would greatly appreciate your signing the book. I'm planning on giving it to him for Christmas."

"A rare thing for two unrelated men to do," Stoker replies, "but not an unappreciated one. What is your young man's name?"

"He's not young - or mine - but -" You take a breath- "Mick Rory."

Stoker nods. He thinks for a moment, dips his pen in an inkwell, and jots down a few words. "Here you go, Dr. Heywood." Stoker pushes the book back to you. "I hope Mr. Rory takes to this gift."

"Thank you so much, Mr. Stoker!" You barely glance at the dedication before snapping the book shut. "I have to get going, but it was very nice to meet you!"

"Same to you."

XxXx

The next person you literally run into is Zari, as you're exiting the jump ship. It affects her more than you, but neither of you get too hurt. Which is great - you still have a lingering headache from your encounter with Mick.

"Thanks for that," Zari snarks. "Long as you're here, though - any ideas on what to get Hunter? I've only met the man twice, so I'm kinda at a loss."

You snort. "That's a first." You sober up at Zari's withering glare. "Um, I didn't really know 'im too well either. Think I remember someone mentioning he's really into Wild West stuff? That and antiques."

"So shop for you, but lean towards cowboy crap," Zari summarizes. "Got it." She gestures to the jump ship. "Just leaving or just returning?"

"Returning." You step out of Zari's way. "Go right ahead." Before she can get too far, you hold up Dracula and add, "For Mick - what do you think? It's an original copy and it's signed."

Zari shrugs. "He should like it. May even get you that kiss you want."

"Kiss? Why would I want a -" You slump. "How'd you know?"

"You're nowhere near as subtle as you think you are," Zari answers. "Surprised he hasn't noticed - I'm aromantic and I picked up on it ages ago." She hangs in the doorway. "Good luck, though."

"Thank -" Zari shuts the door- "you." You run a hand through your hair. "Why does that keep happening to me?"

XxXx

Ray knocks on your door just as you're putting stuffing the last of the tissue paper into the bag containing Mick's gift. You tell him to let himself in, then scribble a note on the to/from sticker. Hopefully your handwriting isn't too distinctive.

You sit up, expecting Ray to start info-dumping about some new science fact or his latest project, but he's pacing silently instead. It takes about five minutes for concern to override just letting him be.

"Uh, Ray?" You begin. "You okay there, buddy?"

Ray hesitates before shaking his head. He then leans against the closest wall.

"What's up? Do you need some paper to write on?"

"Nah," Ray answers. "Just figuring out what to say - I'm not non-verbal atm." He sighs. "Um, I already got my Secret Santa's gift, but... ButIwasthinkingofgettingNoraagifttoo."

You stand up and rest a hand on Ray's shoulder. "I'm totally here for you, but would you mind repeating that for me? My ears can't process your words when you're speaking at a hundred miles an hour."

"Sorry. I said I was thinking of getting Nora a gift, too," Ray confesses. "But I don't know where she is, how to get it to her if I did, or if she even celebrates Christmas. Or how she'd react." Ray smiles sheepishly. "Y'know, with her being a former bad guy and all."

"Yeah, I had the same problem with Mick."

Ray jerks his head up so quickly, you fling your hand out in shock. You can feel a blush spreading across your cheeks.

"Okay, if you agree to ignore the implications there, I'll agree to ignore you implying that you still have a thing for Nora," you say.

"Fine by me." Ray smiles. "For what it's worth, I think Mick likes you back. I mean, he does call you "Pretty"."

You shrug. "Thinking I'm hot doesn't equal feelings, but thanks. And good luck with Nora. I don't think she's the best person to crush on, but you do you, Ray." You smirk. "Or her." Ray jokingly punches you in the arm. "Hey!"

"So, assuming I find Nora, you think I should get her something?" Ray asks.

"Yeah, man. You could always pass it off as a "just because" gift if she's not a Christmas person."

Ray pulls you into a brief hug. "Thank you for the advice and friendly ear."

"No problemo."

Ray shakes his head, still smiling, and exits your room. He gives you a wave as the door closes.

XxXx

A few days later, it's finally the moment of truth. Or to put it less dramatically - the day you all exchange your Secret Santa gifts. The result of you shoving in the tissue paper is a bag that's a little messy and half-hazard looking, but you feel it's appropriate. There's more to it than its rough exterior - just like Mick.

You're the first one on the bridge. You place your gift by the center console and then pour yourself a drink. Maybe it'll help calm your nerves.

"Great idea, Pretty." Mick's rumbling voice makes you jump - you hadn't heard him approach. Thankfully the glass didn't spill any more than a couple of drops. Mick brushes past you to pour himself... something. You're too busy trying not to shudder from that brief moment of contact.

"Hey, um, Mick," you finally reply. "Have any trouble finding a gift?"

Mick shrugs. "Wrapping it was the worst part. Ended up just shoving it into a box."

"Yeah, I -"

Whatever you were about to say next is cut off by a deluge of Legends flooding onto the bridge. Several different conversations overlap as people try to put their gifts by the console without tripping over each other. You decide to find a comfortable spot to sit before all the good ones are taken. To your surprise, Mick grabs the one next to you.

"So, who wants to go first?" Ray asks, once everyone has settled down.

Sara nods at him. "It was your idea."

Ray stammers and protests for a bit, but gives in once everyone starts chanting his name. He picks up a small, thin present that has dark blue wrapping paper with silver atoms. Ray tears through the paper less gently than expected to reveal a frame with a photo inside. It's a candid shot of him and a brunette woman - Anna, maybe - sitting on a park bench somewhere and laughing. Ray hastily wipes away a few tears.

"Thank you," he begins, "whoever, um -"

Rip raises a hand. "I always wished there were more photos of Miranda and myself after she..." he clears his throat. "I hope it's alright that I-"

Before Rip can finish his sentence, Ray all but tackles him with a hug. Rip awkwardly pats his back for a bit, then gently pulls back.

The rest of the gifts are less emotionally fraught, though no less meaningful. Ava receives two photos - one of her and Sara and one of her with the team - and a hug from Ray. Wally opens an awkwardly wrapped meditation fountain from Ava and gives Sara a set of throwing knives. Sara gives Zari a blanket with various video game symbols and characters, and Zari in turn gives Rip a hat and book from the Old West. Only you and Mick are left, which grants you both significant looks from everyone else.

"Guess it's pretty obvious who yours is from," you joke to Mick. He grunts and goes to pick up one of the two remaining gifts.

Your heart is in your throat as Mick carefully pulls out the tissue paper. He frowns at what's inside, but it smooths out once he picks up Dracula.

"Original edition?" Mick murmurs. "Nice."

You swallow hard. "Look inside the front cover."

Mick does so, his eyebrows lifting as he reads whatever message Stoker left him. "Huh. Thanks, Nate."

Hearing someone call you by your first name usually doesn't send butterflies fluttering in your stomach, but your thing for Mick isn't that usual to begin with.

"My turn, then." You stand up, grab the sole remaining box, and settle back down in your spot.

The box is wrapped in simple silver paper and topped with a red bow. You stick the bow to your shirt before unwrapping the gift. First in the box is a photo of Harrison Ford in full Indiana Jones gear, complete with jacket. Underneath that, carefully folded up, is the exact same jacket in surprisingly good condition.

"Is this -? Did you -?" You're at a loss for words.

Mick avoids your gaze. "Stole it off the set. I added the picture so you could tell it's the same one."

"Thank you so much." Before you can stop yourself, you pull Mick into the best sideways hug you can manage. Your skin tingles all over when you finally let go, which almost distracts you from noticing that Mick's cheeks are a bit red. Huh.

Sara pulls you from your thoughts by tapping something - a pen? - against a whisky bottle. "Now that the presents are done with, let's get drunk!"

Most of the team cheers and makes a beeline for the drink cart. Ray switches on some music after clarifying that it's secular Christmas/winter-themed songs only. Mick stands up and nods towards the drinks.

"You want anything?" Mick asks.

'A kiss' is what you want to say. What actually comes out of your mouth is, "Not right now. Thanks, though."

Mick grunts in the affirmative before leaving you alone to stew. Which lasts all of five seconds due to Wally zooming over to capture the newly open spot.

"Y'know, I could get some mistletoe over here without Mick noticing," Wally whispers. "Wouldn't even take two seconds."

You shake your head. "And make Mick mad at the both of us? Nah. I've known him for this long without him making good on his threats. A little longer would be nice."

Wally face palms, then leaves without saying anything more. He rushes back and - sue enough, there's a mistletoe hanging above where you're sitting. You roll your eyes and go to take it down. Unfortunately, tearing it off causes you to fall back from the amount of force you'd used. You're caught by strong arms before you can hit the ground.

You look up to find that Mick's your timely rescuer - hero, a part of you whispers - and hastily right yourself on your own two feet. "Uh, thanks, Mick."

"What was that about?" Mick raises an eyebrow. "You shouldn't be drunk already."

"I'm not! It's just -"

"Just...?"

"Wally was trying to play a prank on us," you explain, "and I nearly fell over trying to get it down." You hold up the mistletoe and feel a blush start to spread across your face. "Funny, right?"

"What's funny? You nearly cracking your head open?" Mick asks.

"No, um, uh-" you look down at the floor- "Wally thinking that making us kiss was a good idea for a prank. I mean, the idea of you and me -"

Mick catches your chin in his hand, tilting it up so your gazes meet. "'S not that bad an idea, actually."

"What - You - I -"

Before you can embarrass yourself even further, Mick pulls you into a kiss. You freeze for a moment, then surge forward to deepen it. Your hands settle on Mick's waist to tug him even closer.

And then someone wolf-whistles.

Mick sighs into your mouth, then gently pushes you away. "Should prob'ly continue this where we can have some privacy."

"My room's good," you reply. "Much closer than yours." You can't resist giving Mick another kiss.

"Works for me, Pretty." Mick steps even farther back, then gestures to the nearest door. The two of you all but run out as you try to ignore all the teasing from the rest of the group. Sara shouts out to not do anything she wouldn't do. Like that's even that long of a list.

...Which may have been the point.

XxXx

"Wait," you say, once you and Mick are finally in your room, "hang on a second, okay?"

Mick frowns but complies. "Y'not want to do this anymore?"

"For now?" You nod. "For now. It's just -" You run a hand through your hair. "I don't know if we're on the same page here, or if you even like me or anything."

"Would I kiss you if I didn't like you?" Mick asks.

"I mean, like me, like me. I mean -" moment of truth, here- "I'm in love with you. Have been for a while. Even when I was with Amaya, I think I felt something like that for you." Your eyes widen. "Not that I didn't love Amaya! It was just... both of you, I guess. Amaya and I were just starting to talk about it right before she, um, left." You pause to take a breath. "If you don't feel the same, that's fine, but - I don't want to do a friends with benefits thing if you don't. I don't think my heart could take it." It's a while before you can meet Mick's gaze. "So, that's where I'm at. How 'bout you?"

Mick folds his arms. "I'm not good at this feelings crap, but..." He sighs, then waves a hand around. "I feel the same. I think. 'm willing to give it a chance, anyway. Is that enough?"

"Yeah." You smile broadly. "Yeah, it is."

Mick shakes his head fondly - for him, at least - and then pulls you into another kiss.

#legends of tomorrow #steelwave #dctv secret santa #dctv secret santa 2018 #lot fic #mick rory #nate heywood

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thewhimsicalfairy · 5 years

Text

DAY 0 - a chronological documentation of this non-relationship

right from the start, i told myself, i told everyone who would listen/knew that i was just not gonna take this too seriously...

as with all online dates, they have a tendency to drop off or i have a tendency to lose interest very quickly but somehow you stuck around, yet i still refused to entertain the idea that there might be something...

2 May: we connected on CMB, you were very open about your history which i listened with an open mind and appreciated you for being open and honest about it...

we traded numbers since the chat was closing and then continued chatting from there...

22 May: met up ftf for the first time at Oasia Hotel's Marmalade Pantry, someone was in grey tee (knitted i believe) and camou pants haha the convo flowed and all but still it was just like any other first dates i've been on, always keeping my expectations in check... you surprised me with sandwich choices though, promising to bring me a jar of the infamous peanut butter from Amsterdam (from your upcoming work trip) and proceeding to hand me a box of 2 nicely wrapped sandwiches, one creamy and one non-creamy version, both with the crusts off. it showed me you were meticulous and caring...just noting your good qualities... before we parted ways you asked if we could be in touch...i said sure being the cool girl that i am...

1 June: we continued texting non-stop, rapid-fire style, playing 20 questions...asking all the right and wrong questions...we’d already escalated to sexting by then...and then you left for Amsterdam. truth be told i had this crazy urge to run to your office area to bid you farewell prior to you leaving for your trip...like give you a hug or something...but i reined in that crazy bitch. we continued texting all the way till you boarded your plane and then you asked me to send you my picture. i've received such crazy requests before and i was kinda wary but i took some anyhow (ok more like a lot) and then proceeded to ponder whether to send or not for the next 50min or so...as well as ask the Internet gods 'what does it mean when he asks for a photo' (to varying degrees of responses) you even noticed my absence when i was busy taking photos but i sent 1 in the end after i confirmed that u were not gonna be doing anything funny to it (not sure if i’m supposed to be flattered if anyone wanks off to my photo but anyway)

and then you sent me yours just like that (and it is still my favourite photo of you to date haha)...and promised to text the moment you land and all...you were very responsible with your words then...

1-7 June: you were in Amsterdam for work but it was as if i was just right beside you on this same trip cos the texting never let up despite the time difference. you would send me pictures of everything that you were doing, eating, ootds, everything and there was no stopping the conversations... and still you reeled me in...

13 June: we met up for a 2nd time, this time at Pagi Sore (100am) and depsite constant texting, it felt a little awks nonetheless to be meeting ftf after so long so everyone was still kinda on our best behaviour haha (but i'm always well behaved) and you presented me with the gifts you got for me at Amsterdam (the peanut butter as promised) and fancy chocolates that you picked up at the airport. confirmed mentally that gift giving was defo one of your top love language. and still you reeled me in...

and we texted some more, non-stop, impromptu lunches in between and i'd happily skip out of office just to hang out ditching the girls (resulting in the girls just saying how about i let them know when i would be next joining them for lunch =x)

20 June: dinner and drinks at Westin's Cook & Brew...this was kinda like the night you will provide a tell-all on your past relationships - and tell you did (a terribly colourful dating history if i may add) and the night went on... we continued on with more drinks at the outdoor bar area...normally it would've been a good idea but that night it was terribly windy and i was kinda chilly despite the alcohol warming me up so i was glad to have my jacket with me (the same one i wore to our first date you noted). and then it started to rain and we had to move back indoors but we didn't attempt to leave even though i was already feeling buzzed... not before long the bar had to close so i had to down my wine in a quick shot and we left...and took a roundabout walk to around the area on a bench and talked some more we both agreed the night would have carried on if not for the fact that tomorrow was still a working day... the question of what we were looking for came up (i asked this question first) and you said you were just looking around... we got home on separate taxis and i made a mental note of your response and that you hadn't made a move on me yet so i was relatively clear on where i stood on this (meh's advice, especially after watching 'He's Just Not That Into You') - you were basically not interested hah so i managed my expectations and thought well a least it has been interesting...when we got home...you did text to say you did notice my choice of outfit (my all time favourite slip dress really)...pity you didn’t manage to take a good look at the cowl back...

29 June: you finally asked me out on a weekend...actually i did casually mention to you that my mom was wondering why this guy i was seeing never asks me out on weekends...and if he’s got a family and all that’s why weekends are off-limits...(a mother’s intuition can be so spot-on but clearly it’s way more complicated than that...anyhow...) and i was ecstatic to say the least even if it was a date that was made that same day...tbh i was inclined to decline cos i don’t really do impromptu dates in general...(like please respect a girl’s time even if i don’t actually have solid plans...vegging at home and netflixing is kinda like a plan ok...)but i okayed it and just had to check what was the general plan cos a girl’s gotta dress for it you know...you brought me to the Ford Musuem having known that i am a sucker for museums covering the history of the war...even though you actually only went recently but you still accompanied me through it...it was also then you realised that i don’t carry my IC with me cos entry was free for SGreans...truth be told i have been to the Ford Musuem...but that was a few years back and i didn’t quite mind rehashing the place again (FOC why not right) they might have updated the exhibits and the experience would have been different with you...and rightly so cos there was so many times when you had your back towards me i wanted to give you a back hug...that you liked receiving them came up several times while we texting...but i never acted on it haha cos i didn’t want to seem i was throwing myself at you...a girl’s gotta to keep her pride in check you know...

after Ford you drove us to Punggol area just to show me the nice relaxing eating space...but we didn’t actually have dinner there lol...we moved on to Punggol Settlement to dine at White Restaurant...the only place you will eat bee hoon cos that placed is famous for it and with good reason cos the food is genuinely good...we had quite the spread, other than the bee hoon we had prawn paste chicken and sambal kang kong :))) happy camper that night cos i appreciate a good meal...i paid for dinner since you were so sweet to drive us around that was least i could do...back in the car you asked if i needed to head home...but i was up for anything...so you suggested a drive and asked if i had been to Jewel since it opened and i hadn’t so we ended up there...

and we continued texting...

1 July: we met for lunch at the Nasi Lemak place opposite Realty Centre (which has since died) and post-lunch i was saying how i was concerned that my hair would smell and all (cos indoor seating with the food cooking inside doesn't make for a great combination) and you reached out and smelt my hair...that was the single most intimate move that i'd ever received and then before we parted you pulled me into a hug and i just went for it... like i didn't do the a-hug or half hug kind of bullshit but a full on body to body contact hug...and it felt nice...i think my mind kinda stopped processing whilst we were hugging but yeah i really really liked the smell of your cologne since then another fact: i was so turned on from that hug my panties were basically soaked; i had to wear my dress the wrong way round so that it wouldn't look like i stained myself... you had that kind of an effect on me...and i think my walls came tumbling down...

4 July: dinner at a Suntec's Unagi place (your choice since we didn't want to deal with the queue at Man Man) and apparently you took off early that night to pick up your car... someone wanted to drive us to some place nice after... i saw that there was 1-for-1 happy hour on the highball and you okayed it even though you were driving

you drove us Marina Barrage and there you said that you liked me and wrapped me in your arms when you said it and i was in a complete daze i mean i was aware that there was something brewing but i wasn't sure of the signs and i've been very wary about 自作多情 so i just maintained whatever it was we had and then this confession...you said i clearly liked you otherwise i wouldn't be hanging out with you which was true and then you asked what was it that i liked about you as you wrapped me in your arms again and i was genuinely at a loss for words...i've received confessions before but never one where it was clearly mutual and in such an intimate setting...the wordsmith basically decided to quit on me and i struggled to find the right words i settled for ‘you make me feel safe’ and that was the absolute truth...i never doubted your intentions before as you were always so honest and forthcoming with the situation back at home and even when you said you couldn’t make this official not until your divorce is finalised in Dec...when in reality not many people around you know about us i accepted it...i trusted you completely... and you took your hand in mine and it was the interlocking kind...and my heart felt all kinds of things it has never felt before... another fact: again super turned on by the hug we shared, panties were soaking wet again but thank god for panty liners otherwise it'll be a different walk of shame for me... i really liked it when you placed your hand on my bum (it felt good somehow), and i definitely felt a boner somewhere...

5 July: dinner and movie (...) i was kinda sad when the night ended, i didn't want it to end cos i always enjoyed our time together, there wasn't enough time anyhow and i gave you a peck on the cheek cos that was all i could muster at that point before we parted...

(...to be continued...)

basically once the touch barrier was broken, i wanted to touch you so badly all the time. literally ALL.THE.TIME. even if it was just stolen moments at Donki i gave you backhugs and random kisses and hand holding...i couldn't get enough... i confirmed one of my top love languages was touch and i wanted to communicate that thoroughly...you meant that much to me...

x x x

and as much as you are wont to admit it, i was defo a rebound, all the signs pointed to it and and it still tears me up inside i basically became collateral damage as you tried to seek solace from the pain... the Heartbreak Spotify Playlist is definitely not helping my case but it’s like beating a dead horse right...you just keep going at it until you’re numb i suppose...but i had no idea how i could relate so much to these songs till now it’s pretty crazy...some favourite tracks that can set me off right now are: Camila Cabelo’s Consequences X Ambassadors’ Unsteady Birdy’s Skinny Love

#post break up #heartache #행복한 시간

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