#Theyve like...vented about their life and im just

[nonbinarynerevar]

i dont miss them but i DO miss their ocs

#worst part abt no longer speaking with someone who you were really close with honestly #like your little guys were entrenched in my life. you told me every new thought you had about them #we shipped our ocs together and i drew you fanart and helped you brainstorm constantly #really weird to think that those ocs likely still exist but i just dont see them anymore. i wonder how much theyve changed #same goes for my ocs honestly. i still see the influences youve left on their personalities #when i check toyhouse i can see your art there still. do you miss them? #its weird isnt it?? i miss their ocs more than i miss them. sometimes i wish we were still friends so that i could draw that character agai #its strange to think about ig. im just musing about it #(and im ok btw! this isnt rlly a vent; just smth im thinking abt) #(and the person in question has been out of my life for a long while now so im not sad abt it anymore!) #adrian talks

[waporlock]

.

#while i do appreciate the gesture of reaching out to me - please dont #im not gonna do anything rn and i just needed to vent the emotions a bit #i dont usually feel comfortable venting at all so its like ... i think just as my life is unraveling my behaviour is too #so please just let me wallow in misery a bit. having attention in my askbox is kinda... it rly makes me uncomfortable #thats all. ill probs delete these posts since theyve gained reaction this time. mby its bcs i posted late in the evening. my bad #sigh. i rly shouldve just kept these things to myself. sorry about that

[xaeydnquartz]

Part of me kinda wants to stop DMing my first and current campaign? IDK just need to vent

So, brief expo. like many, got into CR during the pandemic (mainly due to "The Legend of Vox Machina" which lead to me actually bingeing the all 3 campaigns) During which time a friend (who was in my immediate friend group but like the rest of my friend group, i didnt really feel close to) told me that he was really into CR as well. As a fresh new critter, i was stoked. Was able to share my blossoming love of CR with someone (FINALLY!) during which we both mentioned how D&D looked so much fun and that it would be really great to be able to play and ooo what if we got our friends together and played.

After which we discussed, if we did, who would be DM? Seeing as how none of our friends really played D&D our talk lead to either my friend or me and after asking the question "Which do you think you would prefer more?" It was clear i would try my hand at DMing (i like lore in games, and i like storytelling, and im a tad bit of a control freak at times, lol)

Anyway, we eventually got in touch with our close knit of friends, and though i intended to be a standard 6 we suddenly had an 8 party party (and that was with me having to tell even less close friends there wasnt room).

Feeling it would still be manageable (as there was precedent that i could pull inspo from, CR) i began planning a rough idea of a campaign and working with my friends to create their characters and running a session 0 so we were all on the same page. You know standard stuff.

-Fast Forward to current date and time-

It has its stressful moments, but i still am able to enjoy the time with my friends for the most part (though theres a lot of times were ive never felt lonelier) Which brings me to the whole point of the post, my need to vent to the void about this loneliness. Nobody really gets in touch or interacts with me at all. Not to talk about the campaign or even collab on their characters. The most i get are occasional critiques about how i could have done something better couple sessions prior and request to add another person to the 8 person party. When we have sessions, people show up late quite often, leave early quite often, have to cancel as they have other things they are doing (even though we planned and scheduled weeks prior) and even when people are there they somtimes feel like they arent always present. i already feel extremely distant from all of them as they all live closer to each other while i live on the totally opposite side of the state and theyve known each other way longer than i have, but the minimal interactions they have with me, the DM/GM of all people, just continues to add to all of it I know we all are busy with our lives, and that compared to those things D&D is really not that big of a deal or important. And i get that, it is just a game afterall, but it still manages to hit pretty hard

I've communicated my feelings through our time of this campaign, if im being honest, maybe not this indepth. I mean, its partially because i barely see or talk to them (again life gets in the way) but also because i feel extremely guilty for putting this kind of tension to something we are all supposed to be enjoying and relaxing to. Its especially painful as most recently 2 players, who said they would get in touch with me about changes possibly being being made to their characters, never got in touch in anyway shape or form, and its been about a month now? And session is in a week...i didnt even get much as a reply back. Idk, its been almost about a year now and i felt i just needed to get this out somewhere other than debating myself.

Thanks for listening tumblr.

#D&D #Dungeons and Dragons #venting #vent post #its just a game it really isnt a big deal #feels pretty lonely though #not what i was hoping for

[just-sarah-xx]

tw vent

idek. i hate having to get up in the mornings and having to go out and be okay and im hurting inside all the time and im used to bottling it up except im not sure how good i do that and i just have the hurt and the everything stuck inside me and it really makes me want to die everything is the same and i really. dont think theres anything worth staying for anymore. there is nothing i want more than to die and disintegrate into ashes and dust and fly to sunlit forests until the wind sweeps me somewhere else again. im still telling myself, i have a future, what about our childhood dreams, what about moving out, what about giving my kids the childhood they deserve, what about living a better life and getting better for myself, what about being a psychiatrist and helping people, what about living with my friends, what about the things ill never get to do. but i really dont know if thats enough. i dont even know if hes enough to make me stay anymore. where did i go wrong? how did i go from young and naive and loving everyone and everything in my own little world to this? destroying myself with everything i do and constantly wanting to die? life is so underwhelming and overwhelming at the same time and im worried about everyone. like these 2 people are dealing with everything but i just want them to be okay. they dont deserve the hurt and negative feelings and i wish i could take it away or they could at least give it to me because theyre the best thing to ever happen to me and i really love them but theyre dealing with stuff too and i check in and do what i can but i dont think im good enough to be there for them. they have other friends and other closer friends i feel like but sometimes they vent or tell me about their problems and i wish i could make it all better. they deserve the world and i love them so much theyve both been through a lot and i just love these 2 people so so so much they mean so much to me except i dont know how to show it and i dont want them to think im being weird or anything i dont want to talk to someone about it because i feel so stupid when they comment on it and i feel like im being attention seeking and i just hate it and i hate how i even need to vent because why cant i be okay i didnt want this i feel so much hurt sometimes i dont even know why and its so much that it turns physical and into a pain in my chest and i feel like my heart is being clawed out and someone is squeezing my lungs and dicing it up into little pieces and some of them call it love and others are just like that and i feel like a puppet sometimes and i feel really fucking dead sometimes and i cant do anything well or at all and i feel so replaceable sometimes because there could be someone better because i feel like everyone hates me sometimes and i want to be better except i cant because this is the way i am and i really hate it because why cant i be perfect and good and be there for my friends and not mess up the relationships i have and maybe i wouldnt be left out all the time and maybe i would be the friend that walks with the other friends on the sidewalk and maybe i would be the friend that they tell their secrets to and maybe i would be the friend that makes their life at least a little better and maybe i would be the friend they trust with their life and maybe we would have that connection and i want it so badly but whenever i try it just doesnt work and i am so tired im so tired of life i dont know where i went wrong and i just want to go so bad and never come back but whos going to be the one taking everything that he throws at us so my siblings wont have to grow up with the trauma and end up how i did and who would be the one to check in on them because no one else will and who will be the one who teaches my sister that its okay to love and not be okay and who will teach both of my siblings that love is okay and being yourself is okay and who will be the one who is there for him when he needs it and i just sfkghj

#tw vent #tw suicide #tw rant #tw trauma #mentions of death #vent #irl people please ignore this whole thing im good #swearing cw #tw abuse #tw depressing stuff #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressive

[chronic-gastro-illness-culture]

not anything too serious,

my symptoms always get worse with stress, and when i’m about to go somewhere and have even the slightest symptom i get stressed about it happening while i’m out which then makes it worse, cycle repeats. recently this has led me to leave/cancel plans suddenly because i feel terrible and i panic about feeling awful while out and i’m worried my friends are starting to to resent me or that they will in the future

i never know if i should add in to these or if ppl just like talking into void but i thought id give u an affirmation n say i do think is p srs n that its the reality of chronic illness

stress is the #1 factor for all digestive disorders n most other chronic illness n stressing abt having a flare up at the wrong time is a part of chronic illness n it rlly sux bc it is like a self fulfilling prophecy n ppl do see it as a moral failing on the chronically ill persons behalf bc “well why do u have to be anxious abt it itll be fine” like its some sort of switch u can just turn off n on in ur mind

also ppl r a communal species n its nice having a support group n when ur going thru chronic stress n that chronic stress makes u sick n u develop a chronic illness if ur ppl start to leave u that can makes things worse bc now ur left to deal w all that stress on ur own which compounds the problem

but just bc ur worried abt ur support system leaving doesnt mean they will some ppl can be supportive n understanding

it can rlly suck to cancel plans bc it feels like the chronic illness is robbing u of ur life n enjoyment but just bc ur having a bad moment or bad episode doesnt mean thinks will be bad forever

one thing u can do is let ur friends know u appreciate them supporting u n being understanding of what ur going thru another thing u can do it make new plans if i have to cancel smth w friends sometimes we just change what we were gonna do if im feeling too bad to go out n am worried abt needing a bathroom randomly i usually invite them over to my place n we just chill in to make it up to them if they have a movie or show theyve been wanting me to watch ill watch it w them then lol but u might find ur friends r rlly supportive n thatll be less stress for u

it also helps making friends who also deal w similar issues i have a coworker friend who has lactose intolerance n ibs one friend also has gerd n one doesnt have a diagnosed stomach disorder but he has an anxiety disorder n his digestive system definitely is effected but we can all vent to each other n understand if someone needs to cancel or change plans or needs accommodations etc etc

thnx for ur ask btw i rambled a lot hahaha but u brought up important stuff abt chronic illness imho

#anonymous #digestive disorders #chronic illness #stomach problems #irritable bowel syndrome #gastroesophageal reflux disease #food intolerance #food allergies #irritable bowel disease #stomach ulcer #crohn's disease #gastroparesis #dysphagia #delayed stomach emptying #pancreatitis #gallstones

[starsambrosia]

Theoi and my chronic condition

I have a condition where if i get too emotional, my chest inflames around my heart sack, and it crushes my heart. If it gets too intense, i could die genuinely. So, I've lived a lot of my life learning how to emotionally regulate and such.

But some times i miss the gods so much it hurts worse than heartache, it aches so bad its misrible and i hated having to go crawling up to some one and grabbing on begging them to come back so it dosnt hurt so bad or to ease the pain with touch or even just a glance. (Now i take pride in being obnoxious/lh )

They are so kind to me with this, so understanding, i dont bother them i never have, they care about respect and they have opinions on me and what i do and what i should or shouldnt and when to speak about what and all that but then when im like this its like they set things down for just a moment and hold me, or speak, or comfort or take me somewhere to get my mind off it, encourage me to keep going and take deep breaths.

Before when i didnt reach out when i didnt know how or couldnt, Apollo still sat with me, he knew what was going on he always knew and he was so patient with me and my emotional outbursts over it, the beginning was hard with this condition but they made it less painfull and have saved my life by simply loving me.

Ive had this since i was 13, this crushing heart and these painfull feelings. Whats worse is its an abnormality of an existing chronic illness so a lot of doctors will tell me i just cant have it while my heart is actively being crushed, surprise surprise when they look for what i demand they find it is infact true (my heart leaks when its crushed thats how i prove it)

Having to live with that surrounded by doctors who didn't believe me even when i had a cardeologist for it was baffling. It was horrible, and because it was an abnormality, i was put through a lot of tests my god awful gardians signed me up for when i was too delerious to know and too young to care I was poked and prodded and fucked with and forced to run and push myself and hurt it hurt so bad. But Apollo was there later into it, listened to me cry about it, listened to me vent

He held me and helped me learn how to cope how to do better for myself

And Hermes runs to me to cheer me up when it gets so bad it starts to inflame again and i reach out.

The love i feel for them is immense. And i appriciate everything theyve done for me along the way.

This happened the same time as K showing up (personal note)

This pain is daily but my regulation and self care with it is good, im not as reliant as i used to be and i am really proud of myself, but i owe it to them mostly for helping me up on my own and giving me the stability and love i wouldve never recived in that hell hole.

#personal practice #helpol #theoi #witchblr #paganblr #ambrosia #deitys #personal experiences #journal

[roffmychest]

(cw fetish mention, long post)

when i was in the 4th grade i got REALLY into pokemon and conciquently i found.... pokemon transformations..... through deviantart, being VERY young and getting bullied alot i just imagined myself turning into a pokemon like those comics and wishing i could just turn into one and live my life alone.. and i got VERY fixated on transformation artwork NOT KNOWING IT WAS FETISH ART i drew alot of pokemon transformations during the after-school homework program and i assigned my classmates pokemon and id imagine them turning into them while were lost in the mountains and i magically didnt get bullied anymore or something i even requested like 5 different artworks, i used to speak to someone on discord who would have written for free the above story i had in mind and i had to block them out of nowhere once because they were making me uncomfortable, now again i was 10-11

i tired to get into it again, 2020 (before my bday, i was 12 at the time) i had an account on twitter (it might be still up), at this point i still did not know it was werid as hell and just thought the idea of shapeshifting is super cool! but just ended up abandoning it cuz i got into other stuff anyway

2021.. i was 14 and i was going through the WORST sad state of my life (not calling it depression or anything, just know i wanted to end my own life very badly) i had a now deactivated anon vent account on twt that id throw whatever and i tried to get into transformation again, at this point i FINALLY learnt that its seen as a fetish and i feel like ive been lied to the whole time even though i definatly have not been, i made the mistake of trying to show it to my old priv account with followers (in the end didnt use it) because i just, wanted to become a different character i liked and dissapear and to live their life and not deal with whatever i was dealing with, im so mad at myself, i just like shapeshifting and i wanted to , as i said, dissapear so to learn the thing that brought me comfort when i was 10 was ...fucking werid devistated me, before that i even wrote a story with a person my age (WITH THEIR PERMISSION, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE HAND) turning into our fave characters in a mobile game that we were fixating one

im now 16 and i have not gone back to thinking about it, i made a oc during my time as a 14 year old that can shapeshift into a dog and im terrified that people will associate it with that fetish, though its a oc in a kids game so probably not but the thought still scares me, i NEVER saw it sex appearing in any way, its NOT a fetish to me, but i never knew and it made me feel terrible

i hate myself for going down this path and beliving it was ok for so long, i hate myself, i hate the fact i tried to revive it, i hate the fact no one realised how werid it was i hate the fact i spoke to someone who made me uncomfortable and wrote free fanfictions for me i hate everything i dont care if i was at my lowest points of my life i shouldnt have looked at that at that age even if i had unrestricted internet beforehand, i do not blame myself for not knowing it was fetish art the first time and having to lie about my age because of deviatarts policy, but fuck deviantart and fuck myself for not realising it sooner and tried to get into it again and again

the only thing i dont hate is that it made me draw more, i wish i could just go back and throw myself warrior cats or something instead to grow up w something different, im sorry to the people on my old priv account if they my reblogs im sorry im so fucking sorry even if theyve forgotten by now i feel sick

.

#r/offmychest

[haunted-house-heart]

vent incoming and its tmi about medical stuff

so. i talk a lot about my chronic pain from fibro and ehler's danlos and shit but truly the last two months have been the worst pain-wise of my life.

august was just. bad. the nerve and joint pain, my back specifially, were just so awful that i cancelled most of my appts bc i couldnt make it out of the house most days.

when september started i thought the bad flare up was easing, right? then BAM. september 9th hits and i start bleeding. keep in mind that my aug period was aug 20-25. and my periods have never been anything close to regular, but they dont start within two weeks of each other. in fact, for the last couple months, theyve been coming later and later each month. aug was over a week late compared to july.

but i started bleeding the 9th. mostly light but w clots and as always, severe cramping. this goes on til the 20th, when i start bleeding excessively heavy and the cramps become debilitating.

i'm already a little bit anemic on a good day.

for the whole month i've been so fatigued that i've barely gotten out of bed. i havent been out of bed for more than 3 to 4 hours at a time. just in so much pain and exhaustion that i literally only left my bed for food and bathroom.

i had to cancel the labs that are testing me for *cancer* because i physically could not get out of bed.

i'm so depressed. im awake most of the night bc between insomnia and me sleeping all day, i just cant sleep during the night. so the only time im awake is when everyone else is asleep. not that id be up for talking bc im still exhausted, but still. its so isolating.

i finally stopped bleeding today but the cramping has gotten even worse. i managed to stay up a little longer today before legit passing out.

on top of all this, i havent had dnd in a month. granted, i prolly wouldve ended up canceling most of them with how im feeling, but still. my one single social activity has been gone compeltely.

also. i'm going to be talking to my dr about getting me fitted for a wheelchair. walking is getting harder and harder for me and its just time. esp with everything thats been going on lately.

anyway. if it seems like ive been distant or weird or anything its uhhhh. i'm literally trapped in a hell of my body's own making.

#emery.exe #vent

[goremet-chef]

vent. mind the tags

grieving with bpd is so... i wont say its worse or anything cuz im really not about that shit, anyone and almost everyone can and has felt this pain before, its a constant of life, but.. when im not actively sobbing and depressed and my mood switches up, it makes me feel so guilty. i should be spending that time in misery, i should be wailing and wiping more snot from my nose and my head should hurt worse like it was a few minutes ago, but yknow. emotional permanence n all that

its so funny, they keep trying to get me to believe in god, she says he'll show himself to me and ill find him my own way. i respect that she at least respects im not there yet (i dont think ill ever be truthfully but we can agree to disagree), but i just keep losing more and more, and any faith i had gets ripped away in an instant. there is no god worth worshipping, because someone worth worshipping would not put me through this pain again and again and again

3 pets dead within a YEAR. riley died june 29, 2022, talcum died in october of 2022, and now artemis, today. may 24. it hasnt even been a full year since riley died. i cant keep doing this man

i find myself less hopelessly despaired and choking on my spit wailing sad like the last two, only because im started to.. lose faith in everything. i feel cynical, it makes me MAD

because i did everything right this time. with riley, i made the mistake of even THINKING that it couldve been cancer, and then it was. i know that wasnt my fault, he had the tumor before i even came to visit and before we took him to the vet, but its still incredibly hard not to blame myself for that. talcum died of stress, because bruce kept jumping on his bird cage. i was so ashamed with myself that my MOM (who doesnt even view our pets as family, more like accessories) noticed talcum wasnt singing like he used to. i didnt even notice until the day after when my sibling was on the phone with every vet he could call to see if they took birds

i was optimistic this time, because it looked hopeful! it seemed like she would be okay, i told myself itll be fine and that we'll fix her up and she'll live longer because she deserves to. obviously that was completely useless because shes dead now, so none of that mattered. i didnt even get to say goodbye to her. i said bye when i left my grandmas house a few days ago, but.. its not the same.

i did everything right this time and obviously it didnt fucking matter because theres no fixing that. theres nothing you can do, death is the worst part of life and it never goes away. never gets easier, you can never outrun it. it makes me so sad that the ones who dont deserve it get it first. i know they were old cats but artemis wasnt THAT old. she probably wouldve lived happily for quite some time after, if everything turned out good. ive known them since i was 7. theyve been in my life forever, and now theyre both gone

god it hurts so much, it never gets easier. i just feel so hopeless right now. i wish i could freeze time, and we could just exist as we are forever. but i cant do that

#pet death #tw pet death #pet loss #tw pet loss #vent

[artemisbarnowl]

When you're not staying up past your bedtime tell us your thoughts about checking up on people via social media!

Thank you for indulging me this long weekend why would you do this

Warning I'm gonna be pathetic because i am still grieving a nine year relationship and grieving, especially in this context, feels so UNDIGNIFIED. Also its my grieving thoughts about the socials thing not like well srticulated thoughts about the socials with some grieving mixed in. I just have a lot of feelings and i need to get them out.

1. Like, ultimately don't. Its not helpful at all i think. Unless if literally is just idle curiosity about what happened to someone in your class from ten years ago and you actually dont care what you find.

2. I am experiencing the urge to check up on my ex CONSTANTLY. (They do not really use social media this doesnt amount to much btw). I understand why people be lurking on someones insta or whatever to see what theyve been up to. Sometimes you hope theyre failing and miserable because they did you wrong and you want to feel validated. In my particular case i am worried, and i miss them. There are no posts for me to see or wonder about so this is useless but i think i also want to see that my ex is sad (because i was important to him for such a long time) but also, not like, too sad. And I'm fantasising about him sort of DOing something about it. I want to see what he's up to. Is is dancing? Is he injured? Is he Making? Is he finding small joys in life like hanging out with friends or seeing a cute creature on a walk? Seeing posts about these things would not help me! Because i would likely assume he was not sad, then i would feel angry and bitter and disappointed in myself for wasting my time. We dont share when we are sad (or why) on socials. I am NEVER going to see a post that effectively says "my smart and beautiful and extraordinary girlfriend of 9 years left me, and I am sad i couldn't be what she needed. I miss her a lot and wish i could have showed her this garden i saw today, she would have loved it. I will never forget her and dont know how to be okay with this". No one is going to see that. But ultimately i think we check up on people because what we want to see is some variation of that, so we can feel validated and know that they UNDERSTAND how were feeling.

Because this is tumblr I have made stupid posts a bit like this! I miss him all the time, i made a facebook post about a doco that I watched in the hopes that he would see it and watch it, because i think he'd like all the adorable english woodland creatures. This is also stupid! As are posts showing how well youre doing in hopes ypur ex seems them and feels stupid. Devoting this much energy to a game in your head where you will never get an outcome that satisfies you cannot help you move on or heal. But i do think its weird that we look for any possible thread that tied us to people we are without, even the terrible online ones that can never retie us! We talk to gravestones like the dead can hear us. I am currently checking my mailbox every day for a letter that might not ever arrive, and even if it does it sure and shit wont contain any information that helps me live my new single life where no one thinks I'm special, and there's no one I'm 100% comfortable to be all of myself around and who I dont get tired of being with.

I will never know if he saw the fb post, let alone watched and had opinions on the doco I talked about. Knowing wont help. He knew i have a tumblr but i dont think he'd go through it as its a huge pile of memes and stuff he wouldnt understand to look for 3 things that say im sad. And again, knowing I'm sad won't help.

Normally im very good at being like "well this is unproductive/not the best course of action" and then, you know, STOPPING but unfortunately I will continue to wonder how he is and what hes up to and cling to actually unreasonable, unfounded fantasies of what happens IF he sees.

Anyway this is a long vent that basically says i think i get why people do it now but ultimately it will never bring the carthsis we hope for (:

He knew i had a tumblr but I dont think he's checking up on me coz. Whats the point. Its a lot of stupid memes for 3 im sad posts. Which accomplish nothing as discussed.

#its been...just under 3 months since the break up? #and I am still so so caught up in the fact thst the last weekend we spent together before he flew home was nice #he felt the pressure was off so he could just do what he wanted #which was talk more and answer questions and be more affectionate #which is all i ever wanted in the first place!! #and after all that time together he was still more scared of moving in any direction and it being wrong #than he trusted that i would treat him with kindness and respect and understanding no matter what he did #i dont think it'll ever not hurt that when booking plane tickets (a few months before) he couldnt decide between #spending an extra day with me and a ten dollar cheaper fare #not because he didnt like me but because he was frozen by the possibility of there being a wrong choice #and like there is if the reasoning isnt 'i have to be back for a significant event' and is IS 'i dont actually want to spend time with you' #then hiding that through indecision does no one any favours #unfortunately my biggest regret now is that i was uglu crying at the airport when we kissed goodbye for the last time #its very vain but i worry he will remember me like that #i could barely stand i was so upset!!! and i am concerned about my looks and keeping a man :'( #highly pathetic you were warned #anyway i miss him and i am afraid he is alone and sad and i cannot help

[princesstokyomoon]

no shade to the op of this post at all, and definitely not to people who DO genuinely like a lot of popular stuff....

but im sleep deprived, and its 4am, and seeing this made me need to vent... it took me a LONG time to feel Genuinely comfortable with my hipster tastes. its taken me 20 years to feel even Slightly comfortable telling people i dont like something popular.

i would KILL for the hipster environment you apparently grew up in, cus i grew up surrounded by people who would only spend time with me if i agreed to watch marvel movies with them, and pretended i was having fun. i grew up around people that treated me like an alien because i didnt like harry potter. i grew up around people that looked at me as though i had two heads because i didnt like beyonce.

theres no shame in liking popular shit. and if you struggled with feeling like you werent allowed to like things /because/ they were popular, then i do have sympathy for you.

but you know what? i /cant/ agree that just because something is popular that its good.

i just cant.

theres no judgement to people who do enjoy those things i think are legitimately bad - there are PLENTY of things i do love, that i think are masterpieces, that i KNOW others think are bad.

and thats ok too!

and even if something IS good, that doesnt mean anyone is under an obligation to enjoy it. beyonce IS a good singer, shes just not for me.

im ALLOWED to not like things that EVERYONE around me tells me i should. and im allowed to like things that no one else gives a shit about.

neither taste in media makes someone a better person.

im a hipstery snob. and im happy being a hipstery snob. and i honest to god wish i had more hipstery snobs in my life, because im exhausted with feeling like i cant be myself about media i love or hate or any other emotion.

and hell, even as a hipstery snob, i can still like popular things. its never been hard for me to admit when i liked popular things, because there was always PLENTY of people - whether irl or offline - who eagerly support you in your love for popular things.

its much harder to find common ground with people over things theyve never heard of, no matter how much you might yell about those things. even the most accepting and welcoming friends wont ever Quite Get It, cus they dont feel that same love for whatever your rambling about.

i dont expect people to ever love what i love. i made peace with that a long time ago.

but it does get lonely seeing people bond over media they love in a way thats basically not gonna happen for me.

because the things i feel THAT passionate about arent things that other people care about.

#long post #vent #ignore me that post just sent me spiralling back to teenage me feeling shitty and lonely #id put it under a read more but im on mobile and too lazy to look up how

[b0nywh0res]

hi life update bc a loy has happened. first off: toxic friend(ill call her S from now on lol) kissed me. i. she kissed me. she has a bf. i mean everyone expected them to break up after a month or so but i sure did not expect her to kiss me. im so confused. yeah shes always been flirty, she was my first kiss too, but i. like. what. i feel bad bc 3vetyone knows shes bad news. shes a horriblw person. but i feel so loved w her. she hugs and holds me and now shes kissed me? hate to say it but it feels like being in love. i hate myself for that.

my friends that i always sit with during school breaks have noticed too. they see im getting attached to her and scolded me for it but i dont car3 tbh. theyve been worried about my eating too. forced me to eat crackers yestetday.

i hate L. she never pays attention to me anymore. she knows ive relapsed, she knows im doing the worst ive ever done and she knows im so close to ending it all but she doesnt fucking care. she only vents to me. whenever i bring up my struggles, which i rarely do anymore bc ive lost trust in her, she just changed the subject. just like that. im so fucking conflicted. ofc i love her so much bc ive known her for so long. we were fucking soulmates. shes everything to me. i dont understand why shes treating me like this. am i not sick enough for her? she broke up w her anorexic gf so why do i feel like i need to compete with her. im tired of being dismissed and ignored by her all the time.

#ed vent #i wish i was thinner #ed diet #just pro for myself #not actually pro anything #i want to be small #eating diary #low cal restriction #tw 3d #tw ana thoughts #pro 4na diary #4na tw #4n0r3x14 #pro 4na #tw ed #tw ed vent #tw eating issues #tw ed diet #ed relapse

[edelblau]

i dont know. a common fantasy of mine is like. the childrens cartoon episode where someone notices their friend feels down and everyone comes together to cheer them up and reassure them and give detailed explanations of the good theyve brought into the world and theres cake and decorations and warm hugs

or like. when i attempted suicide i remember wondering if anyone would come, if maybe my parents or someone would bring me a card or something. i was only there for one day (lol) but my experience was instead being treated like a criminal by the staff and my mom and lying unable to sleep hearing my parents divorce drama, unable to sleep or open my eyes because i wasnt “supposed” to hear it so i couldnt even just. be awake in my own hospital room

i know these things arent really realistic obviously, its not a reaction most people have in real life and considering that im basically constantly like this theres a point where even words or trying to talk about it feel pointless. what response can be given to the same vent post thats made every 2 weeks, what reaction can you have to whats essentially a routine?

but i still cant help but fantasize about a world where all of this not only happens but a world where its enough for me. where just like in the cartoon i smile and hug them back and im okay, or at least doing better. where it all ends well and we learn a lesson about the power of friendship. where i can finally actively want to be alive for once

i dont think thats coming, though

[transdib]

re: learned helplessness post // (please know i am not intending rudeness)

the problem isnt that these people need specific instructions, its that they (for lack of kinder terms) make things harder for themselves, and also that instead of asking someone who can help them in person, they just quit and blame the online recipe. the blame of the online recipe is where the helplessness part comes in

to use the boiled egg ex., most recipes or guides online actually *do* tell you that you need a pot big enough for the amount of eggs, enough water just to cover them, and to set the stove on high until the water boils. there are specific instructions. asking what temperature to set the stove to needs only a follow-up "what temp does water boil" google search to know that water boils at 212F/100C

the point of "learned helplessness" (i do agree the term has become watered down from its actual meaning) is to frustrate the person helping you into just doing it for you, or to convince them youre too incompetent to do it and, again, do it for you

as someone who also genuinely stalls and gets overwhelmed when i dont have a specific process lined out and practiced, there comes a point where you do need to help yourself. ask to be shown specificly in real life how to do something. watch a how-to video if thats not an option. instead of just giving up and deciding not to do it because its scary and new (/not mean)

in conclusion i am not intending any snide tone or sarcasm or meanness or anything so please dont think that i am attacking you or your brother. that post is specifically about people who are unwilling to find a way to do the things they need to do, not people that need help in general

hey, thanks for such a respectful message and adding to the discussion! its really interesting hearing these different perspectives

i guess in the end we dont personally know the people in the screenshots. are they demonstrating learned helplessness? or are they simply venting a frustration that they experience in their day to day lives as a disabled person? i know in the end they chose to post those things online, instead of googling solutions or connecting with other people privately to find solutions, but i guess in the end we dont know who they are, what support networks they have/who they can reach out to, or if they're using the boiling egg as a vague example to demonstrate that some tasks arent as simple as abled people find them! and for the record, i have had my fair share of online recipes that really vaguely say "add a splash of" "use a generous amount of" and other really vague instructions, so i guess its a luck of a draw on what recipe you find haha!

but in the same vain i do see where you're coming from. i think it's important for people to challenge themselves. someone i know also has troubles doing "simple" tasks like boiling an egg, and they explained that they have learned to challenge themselves with these tasks, and overcomign the anxiety of fucking it up. and theyve fucked up a lot trying to heat frozen meals, or making toast, and like, its shit cuz it costs additional money cuz youve burnt the food and can no longer eat it, but if you are able to afford to make those mistakes, then yeah, go for it. especially if theres no financial consequence, i think its really important to self-evaluate, find your threshold, understand yourself and your limits, and push yourself in that compassionate way. like with my ADHD, i definitely dont do the "i have this thing, oh well guess im just doomed to do [symptom] forever". i try to approach it with "maybe i cant do all 10 tasks ive been putting off doing all in one day, but im going to make it a goal to do at least one today" "im going to forget and be overwhelmed, so im going to set 5 different alarms 5 mins after each other to remind me" doing things like that to set yourself up for success.

so in that sense, yeah, i definitely agree that it benefits when people challenge themselves, in ways that are practical. i do admit my brother for example struggles with confidence, but he also has some personality difficulties where he feels the world owes him. he definitely demonstrates learned helplessness in some aspects.

and i think my brain just went on a tangent, because i was mainly getting heated at the comments on the post, wehre people were being downright ableist and shitty. and i think i just see this rhetoric way too much, where when someone genuinely struggles with something, it's generally met with a "haha! how can you find that difficult? thats so easy!" and that always rubs me the wrong way. i interpreted the screenshots as the people talking about finding it difficult to boil an egg as them trying to provide insight into the idea that something seemingly so simple is actually really complex for some people.

but anywaayyy, as i said in the end we dont know who these people are, or their intention, but i personally interpreted them as just being very candid in explaining their struggle. and maybe, yeah, they could learn to take risks and attempt to boil an egg instead of talking about how much they cant do it to the online sphere, but i know i dont know the context, and therefore dont wanna make assumptions

#you dont have to reply to this btw i know its long and incoherent #it was my bedtime an hour ago and my meds have worn off nyooooooommmmm #so maybe ive missed the whole point but thats ok lmao #thats what makes a discussion fun #have a good night anonnnnnn

[isabella-111]

Hii lovley, hope your doing well. this is my first time ever asking someone something on tumblr so please dont judge😭😭!! im loving the ships youve been doing recently and grew curious to see who you'd ship me with so im gonna tell you a bit about myself.

-im a sagittarius sun, cancer moon, and libra rising and im a ESTP. Im a slytherin and i adore the enemies to lovers and theres only one bed thrope. Im 5'8 and have long brown hair and hazel eyes. Personality wise id say im brutally honest and can be a bit of a bitch sometimes but im a litreal softie with my close friends at times. Id do anything to help out my friends and im literally so bad at giving advice (like im literally terrible) id also consider myself to be clingy, i love hugging my friends and theyve all told me im a great hugger. In my spare time i love to listen to taylor swift and vent my thoughts in a journal, i also love late night walks and i love the color pink.

thank uu i look foward to seeing who u ship me with 💗💗

A/n : this blog is a judgment free zone love <33 also sorry for the late response i took a it of a break but im back

I ship you with Sirius black

- sirius definitely hated you at first (cause you were a slytherin and cause you were friends with his brother)

- Sirius would always argue with you and have long winded debates about everything and anything

- when you were at “ his house” ( the black manor” he would always snicker and make little remarks about you under his breath

- you guys were self proclaimed “enemies” till one day

james and remus were sitting on Sirius’s bed and listening to him rant about how annoying you are. You accidentally sat in his seat during dinner cause you had stayed for dinner and it pissed him off so he had been talking about that since dinner ended which was 2 hours ago

-Remus and James came up with a blame to lock you guys in Sirius’s room until you guys became friend or till you guys agree to never talk again wither way the feud would be over

James : * goes to reggies room * hey reg can i talk to you

Reggie: um sure

You : * gives reggie a thimbs up thinking it was james going to talk about they’re relationship * ( jegulus for life )

James : um babe i have a idea

Reggie : that is ? And about what ? Cause i already told you were not putting kreacher in drag at least if your doing it he doesn’t like the way you do eye shadow

James : um rude asf i need to talk to him about that but no its about y/n and Sirius

Reggie : they hate each other her i think or they’re inlove i can never tell

James : exactly so we’re gonna lock them in his room and see if they can work things out

Reggie : good idea whats the plan ?

James : * telling reggie the plan *

*later on *

Reggie: hey dude can you come with me to go ask James something it’s important

You : yah of course whats going on

Reggie : we’re having problems * lying*

You : oh no reg tell me everything

Reggie * talking (lying) as you guys walk to Sirius’s room *

* meanwhile in Sirius’s room*

Remus : be right back imma go get some water

Sirius : alright...you know you can just teleport it here right

Remus : yah but why risk the mess

Sirius * shrugs *

Remus : * goes and sirs in the hallway *

Reggie: * knocks on Sirius’s door *

James : * walks out *

You : * stand on the side of the door *

James and Reggie * kinda blocking you from leaving*

You : whatcha doing

Reggie: sorryy but this needs to end * gently but stoll pushes you into the room *

Remus: * casts a spell that makes it so no magic can be done inside the room *

James : * casts a spell that locks all windows and doors *

Regulus: you guys aren’t allowed to come out till you resolve your issues

Sirius: you cant keep us here forever

James : they’re a mail slot we can use for food , you have a drink machine in your room and its summer yes we can

You : * groans *

Sirius : im not happy being here either princess

After spending about a hour and a half argueing or being silent

Sirius: ok can we just try to fix things so we can move on with our lifes its so boring in here

You : ok sure what do we do

Sirius: umm idk whats your favorite color

You : easy pink

Sirius: nice its my second favorite color

You : first ones black huh ?

Sirius: gotta stay true to my name * chuckles *

You: * laughs *

You : ok umm favorite thing to do when you can’t sleep

Sirius: ummm i think go walks or listening to music

You : shit really me too

Sirius: thats dope

* talks for literally 3 hours *

Sirius: y/n can i be honest

You : sure

Sirius: the only reason i hated you was cause I didn’t know how to ask you out with out fucking shit up especially cause you my brothers best friend

You : * shocked * really ?

Sirius: yah idk its just tough

You : Sirius are you joking ?

Sirius: no y/n ik it sounds stupid laugh if you want bu-

You kissed him and all his doubts immediately left the room

( yes james eventually unlocks the door and Sirius is like “ i did not expect this !_!” )

- Sirius is clingy and you give amazing hugs its a perfectly match

- journaling dates ( you guys just write the entire date while being in each others presents ) >>>>

- although your love started off as “ hate” you guys are truly meant for each other

#mauraders #james & peter & remus & sirius #sirius black x reader #sirius black headcanon #sirius and regulus #james potter headcannons #james potter x reader #james x regulus #jegulus #remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #harry potter #hp headcanon #remus fluff #remus lupin headcanon #send requests #i also write for fezco and elliot #i also write for spencer reid and other criminal minds characters #peter parker x reader #andrew garfield fluff #kreacher #sweet kreacher

[guardian-of-the-sea]

DUDE I FINALLY GOT TO WATCHING THE NEWEST II3 EPISODE (EPISODE 8, BOTH PARTS CUS I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE BOTH PARTS WERE ALREADY OUT UNTIL NOW IJFHVIDUJNBK I HAVENT BEEN CATCHING UP) AND I RLLY LIKED IT!!!

im gonna talk abt it and my thoughts and stuff so!! SPOILER WARNING UNDER CUT!!!

BOWBOT’S ARC IS A TRANS ALLEGORY AND NOTHING WILL CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE!!!! them commenting on their own features like theyre venting abt their body?? LIKE THEY EVEN COMMENTED ON THEIR EYELASHES TOO IDK THATS MINOR BUT IT REMINDS ME OF HATING FEMININE FEATURES IDK LOL! and and and!! them telling test tube loud and clear that they arent bow..... THAT HONESTLY RLLY REMINDED ME OF WHEN BEFORE I DISCOVERED I WAS TRANS, I WOULD TELL MYSELF OVER AND OVER THAT IM NOT A GIRL

I JUST RLLY WANT BOWBOT TO BE THEIR OWN PERSON AND I WANT THEMTO LIVE THEIR BEST LIFE!! part of me hopes they have a different name and pronoun set than bow AND MAYBE TEST TUBE CAN MAKE THEM A NEW BODY??? i just think thatd be sick!!!! I ALREADY RLLY LIKED BOWBOT BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE I LOVE THEM EVEN MORE HFJBUDIBLKJNDGFNH

overall? i just love the direction theyre going with bowbot, its relatable to me which makes me enjoy and appreciate it even more :)

moving on now, i like the body swap idea! EVEN IF IT MIGHT BE OVERDONE IN SOME CASES THERES A REASON FOR THAT!! its entertaining to see characters youve grown to love having to get used to another body and its properties and quirks!!! i rlly like the growth we see here from like over half the cast pretty much UIJFHBUDFJHGB i esp love clover this episode!! i like when characters get eliminated if its done in a sweet way, bonus points if everyone voted against them not cus they hate them or anythin but cus they care about them, which is exactly what happened here!! AND I LOVE SEEING THAT NICKEL AND CLOVER WERE KINDA BUILDING UP A WEIRD SORT OF FRIENDSHIP IDK THEY BOTH CARE EVEN IF ONE OF THEM WOULDNT EVER BE CAUGHT ADMITTING IT UHJFIGVHYDFBJNDGF ITS SWEET!!!

thats kinda all i wanted to say i just. i love bowbot, and its no wonder a lot of ppl are bowbot kin now HUJGFVHUDFHGBJDB THEYVE GOT A HELLA RELATABLE THING GOING ON /LH

#inanimate insanity #inanimate insanity invitational #ii3 spoilers #ii3 #ii