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dasher85 · 8 months

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Rain

He theoretically understand the concept of love

Neuvillette x Reader | y/n | you

short story

Part 1 | Part 2

sad theme (supposedly)

[ and all that I want is to finally be honest ]

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"Have you ever thought about how the world perceived itself?"

That same question has been haunting Neuvilette's mind for a while now. He couldn't find the answer to it. At least a perfect response to the person who has spoken of such a question.

The truth is, the question itself wasn't the only thing that lingers in his mind. If it was just a question he would've already thought of an answer within at least a few days and yet that wasn't the case for his heart was devastatingly shattered by the next thing that came after.

"...or how did I perceive you?"

Words you've said. What was so meaningful about it? He has heard a billion excuses and pleas in the high court and yet he couldn't easily let go of this. He was hurt but he didn't know how to admit it. You didn't give him a chance to realise anything or at least let him think of an answer.

'What was it again? The cause of it all?'. He questions himself as he recalled that day when he was left alone and his cheeks were damp not even because of the rain.

He stood up and picked up the stack of files on his desk. Important cases, criminal's identity and the jurisdiction records. Time does seem to fly in his office space but even after all this time his soul has been stuck in that same place.

'What could've happened if I had the correct answer right then and there?'. His mind has been occupied despite being monotonously unexpressive. He sighed as he arranged all the files accordingly based on alphabetical order into the shelves.

He doesn't know it either. He wasn't human to begin with so it's understandable if he lacks in these situations and yet he blamed himself for it.

Neuvilette returns to his seat and for a brief moment he stares back towards the front door. As if expecting someone to enter the door but of course no one did.

The weather outside hasn't stopped raining for a while now. The gloominess inside his office and the grey sky outside reflects his beating heart.

He then resumes to write down a record for today's court report. Just like any other day, he was busy. He used to feel obligated to do all these things because it was only natural for someone who holds the position as the Chief Justice.

"Neuvilette, how about a cup of coffee…". He snaps his head up and unexpectedly it was just his imagination. A soft melodic voice that has been ingrained in his mind. His expression unchanged but he felt disappointed because it was all a mere fraction of his memory.

'Why did I even say that?'. Neuvilette finally remembered or actually he finally realised his actions. It was all because of him. It wasn't anything harsh but he was just trying to be considerate. He didn't want to trouble anyone, especially you but why did things turn out this way?

It's true that he can focus with work and that things are a lot more progressive without distraction but why does he feel uncharacteristically empty? He didn't understand it either but somehow this feeling was more overwhelming than the times when a trial was over.

'What was it that I really wanted?'. He thought while exhaling heavily. His mind and his actions are purely contradictory with each other. He needs an answer, he needs a break and he needs to collect his thoughts but his work is important too.

"Where have you been?"

--------------------

You smiled softly at the nice smell of sweetness coming from the warm hot chocolate drink. The ceramic mug held in between your hands.

It's been raining outside ever since you stopped working for the court. So, the temperature is a little cold and having something warm was a really good decision.

Life has been quite peaceful without headaches or unnecessary expectations. At least that's what you thought about your previous ordeal.

You shook your head sideways profusely to remove the thoughts about those days. It was so childish and immature to expect anything more than working your job diligently. You should've stayed professional and not get caught into a one sided love. It was all too embarrassing when you think about it now.

'It's alright… My feelings won't harm anyone and I know there's always someone who'll be better for me'.

You nodded reassuringly to yourself as you slowly drank the sweet hot chocolate. Just the right amount to dissipate your lingering feelings. If time is forgiving, in just a few months you'll eventually learn to accept things as they are. As long as you keep yourself away from the court or that specific individual, your heart would surely mend itself.

The slight ambience from the coffee shop was quite calming as you calmly gazed through the clear glass window outside.

"Y/n… you're here". His deep voice was calm and yet a hint of excitement was evident as he spoke over your head.

You snapped your head towards the source who has called your name without notice. In that instant, you felt like your stomach dropped into a bottomless pit and a mix of overwhelming feelings returned into your heart.

Your once calm expression twisted into one that of pain and sadness. Out of all people, your heart is unprepared to meet him again. Not yet. Not when you're trying to forget about him. Not when you're trying to move on. Why did it have to be him?

He stood there with a small smile appearing on his lips but upon meeting your gaze, his smile slowly disappeared.

Neuvilette knew his presence wasn't how it used to be. It's true that he didn't know human emotions any better but he has seen human's facial expressions numerous times to the point where he can differentiate between happiness and sorrow.

He wanted to go and listened to your pleading stare, listened to your wistful unspoken wishes… He knew you didn't want him there and that his mere presence was hurting you.

Neuvilette knew that much… you didn't need to tell him. Even for someone like him, he would still understand that look on your face.

However, just like how he wished all the villains should serve justice, he still stubbornly stood there. Staying on his ground like a shattered fragment of glass in between a bleeding wound.

He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. He didn't know what to say to you. Should he apologise? Should he tell his feelings? Should he act oblivious?

"Y/n, I…"

You quickly stood up and walked away from there, leaving your warm cup of chocolate drink unfinished. You didn't want to get involved with him anymore for you only want what's best for your already crumbling heart.

If you stayed any longer, you would've broken into a crying mess. It's embarrassing and you've cried enough for your damn unrequited love. It was time to move on now. Your heart has suffered enough and it's your own responsibility to protect it from harm.

Unhesitatingly, you run to your heart's content without looking back. You didn't care if people would question your actions but you knew that'll keep you away from him.

Eventually you reached somewhere far, somewhere you thought he couldn't reach or find you. You just need time for yourself and anywhere is fine so long as you're away from him. You started to walk aimlessly as you caught your breath from your unplanned escape.

'I'll be alright'. You thought.

Suddenly, your wrist was grabbed as the person spun you around in an instant. You didn't have time to react as you met with his unwavering gaze once more.

You didn't say a word as realisation struck into your mind but you were quick to struggle away from his hold in an attempt to free yourself.

"Please… Y/n, let me just-"

He didn't let go. His grip wasn't hurting you but it was impossible to break free from the mere fingers that were encircling around your thin wrist.

"I don't want to!". You started to feel agitated by the situation.

He sighed, he didn't want to make things worse as it already was but a side of him was reluctant to let you go. If he did, he knew you'd walk away without hesitation and his effort would be in vain.

"Y/n!". He raised his voice just enough to make you stop from struggling.

Neuvilette was nervous. He was so scared that he'll fail to receive enlightenment for his own feelings. If he couldn't give a good answer, he should at least get an appropriate explanation from you.

"Listen…". His usual calm voice returns once he knew your attention was on him. Even if it was for a brief moment he needs you to listen.

"You asked me about how someone perceives things, about the world… about you". He reminds you of those questions you've asked him before you quit working at the court.

You quietly listened but you've averted your gaze away from him. Those questions were all just a useless bitter taste in your heart.

"I… I still don't know what you meant by that. I don't know the answer to that but…"

"I don't care anymore. I don't need your answer". You cut through his words so fast before he could end his sentence.

He was still holding your wrist but his calm expression instantly twisted into a pained frown. It reflects his heart deeply.

"...I'm sorry". He spoke almost in a hushed whisper.

"So stop talking to me! and just go…". Your rage slowly quiets down as your gaze returns towards him. Droplets of warm tears softly landed on your face as he looked down at you.

He didn't speak and neither did you. The both of you stood there in between the unfamiliar tension of emotions. You didn't understand why he was crying neither can he fathom the reasons behind your anger. It was confusing and yet laughable.

You sighed, the sight of the Chief justice crying himself because of you felt unreal to you but you knew he was just being honest. You knew you made him cry for simply being expressive of your anger.

"Stop crying… you… you don't look like yourself". You quietly mumbled under your breath as you tried to keep your cool attached yet a part of you wanted to console him.

He didn't, that didn't make him stop from crying. That grown man, who's taller than you, quietly cried like a small child being told to do their difficult maths homework on their own.

"Alright, I'll… I'll listen to you". You slowly added with a heavy sigh.

"Really?". He calmly questions. Despite sulking in messy tears, his voice seems to lack any unclear clarity. It was as if the voice barely belonged to a person who's crying.

You nodded and slowly returned your gaze to meet his enchantingly unnatural blue eyes. His sad gaze feels ethereal as the beauty of nature itself.

"Then could you please explain to me… tell me the answer to your question." His beautiful eyes still glistened with tears but he seems a lot calmer than before.

Neuvilette's innocent demands for your answer felt unnecessarily weird. How could he ask you that when humans not only have difficult unexplainable emotions but ego and pride?

Should you say it directly? You were so close to moving on from these feelings. If you explain that to him, would anything change? You didn't want to give a hint of hope inside your heart for that love anymore. It's unbearable if things stay the same. If you were being honest, you wanted more than just him to understand your feelings.

"It's alright if you don't know the answer. It means that my question was just a bunch of baloney"

Unlike his usual calm facial expression, his eyes widened in response to your remarks, "You're lying. Tell me the truth!"

His words struck your heart like piercing lightning in a thunderous rain. You nervously looked away from his gaze. He was right.

Despite that, you shook your head refusing to tell him. You slowly reached out a hand in an attempt to wipe away the evident tears on his cheeks but you hesitated. After all, who would've been so insane to touch a person's face without clear reasons. You're well aware that you're just a stranger to him.

Neuvilette didn't move away neither did he say a word but instead he brought his face to lean into the palm of your hand. His smooth clear skin in contact with your bare hands felt a little odd to you but somehow your restless heart feels startlingly at peace with the soothing warmth.

His eyes calmly closed, seemingly appreciating your touch. You noticed that he seems unusually happy because of such simple reasons or was it just your own imagination playing tricks on you?

"I feel-"

The moment his mouth started to speak you retreated your hands away from him. The conscience in you feels reluctant to be in a vulnerable state once more. You're in this constant battle of removing yourself from harm but at the same time you still want to place a glimmer of hope. Which you knew you shouldn't considering that he's unable to perceive you more than you wished him to be.

He opened his eyes to meet your gaze. As he stared back deep into your gaze, he could feel the intense rejection even before he tried anything. Where did he go wrong? He has so many unanswered questions but where should he start first?

"You should know that I feel suffocated with sadness when I can't see you anymore and it's unfair that you're avoiding me now"

Your disappointment slowly returned into your heart. To you, he was a lost cause but wasn't it too harsh to say it too soon? Your heart was torn in between.

"Unfair? What are you spouting about?". You snickered coldly with your eyes unwaveringly gazing up at him.

He looked away to the side at your distaste directed on him but he courageously kept his hands securely holding on to your wrist. He hasn't given up and he won't let go.

Neuvilette knew that it was better to keep quiet when humans were in rage but he still wondered if the things he wanted to say would change your mind. Even just a little, would it amend things between you and him?

"...because maybe after all this time, I thought things weren't bad between us". He turned his head towards you once more. A sense of calmness returned when he spoke his mind.

"It wasn't. I was the problem but you don't need to worry… just give me more time and maybe someday we can finally be friends"

"So now? What about now?". He spoke without much hesitation and dismissed the things you’ve told him.

His question pushed you like a tsunami. What was he talking about? Was he giving hope? You want to cry so damn much because it was still painful despite your efforts to move on. It's only been a week since your efforts to forget about him but obviously that wasn't even near to erase your lingering feelings.

"I… I don't know. Why don't you tell me?".

Admittingly you still want something out of this. Perhaps him being here holds something significant for you. It must mean something that he hasn't told you. Maybe you should give him a chance. But would you let him fix it? Would you dare to step into the hand he was trying to give you? Or can he even be that someone?

You're scared to hope and yet you still want him to tell you something more. Something that could at least make you feel better.

Neuvilette searched your face in an attempt to find a definitive answer from you.

"It was really difficult to find you". He starts.

It's true, you were extremely careful with your whereabouts despite the chances are already insignificant due to the nature of his busy schedule. You refrained from walking outside and purchased groceries only when you knew there was an ongoing trial. Such as today, it was said that he was supposed to be in an important court session.

"It's because you were busy". You simply added.

"But I get to meet you today". He replied with a soft voice.

You always thought why did you even fall in love with him in the first place? He barely even smiles or does anything besides his responsibility in the court. He was that boring if you were to compare him with your preferred ideals. What nonsense has had your heart trapped into this?

"Maybe I should travel somewhere else so that we wouldn't meet again". You sarcastically replied under your breath.

"If you do that then… I'll come with you". He responded without a second thought. Your words have yet again driven him into the corner of his own emotions. If he doesn't speak now it'll be too late.

You scoffed as you shook your head in complete disbelief, "Sure, even a child would believe you".

"You could do anything to me, you can run, you can hide but I won't let you escape my love". He suddenly spoke with conviction.

"You're bluffing, who are you to talk about love?". Those words came out of his mouth so suddenly that you became defensive.

"If you feel like leaving. I'm not going to beg you to stay because it's your rights". He calmly spoke but with a hint of confidence as he ignored your statements.

You took a step back and he took a step forward.

"This regret has filled me with a sadness that has haunted me for a week". He then admitted.

"I'm aware that I've been dismissing you whenever you want to help me but I never intended for you to handle my responsibilities.". He paused to look at you.

"Perhaps you didn't like that good gesture of mine but I'll make sure to listen to you from now on". He opened his mouth to say something but seemingly hesitated.

"So maybe I should hold my heart out for you to take but…". He gently held both of your trembling hands and brought it in between the both of you.

"...will you keep it?"

------[ yes | no ]-------

A/N: and so I shall see how this will go...

#genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin headcanons #neuvillette #neuvilette genshin #neuvilette x reader #genshin impact neuvillette

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beomglocks · 3 years

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colors ; k.th

part of the badlands series!

colors: “you’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece.”

based off halsey’s badlands album.

warnings and other: museum curator!taehyun, old money!y/n, mentions of depression and grass smoking, little bit of angst i guess??

taehyun sighed as he took down the 11th painting this week. the museum hadn't been very busy in the past couple of weeks, maybe because the weather was getting colder. one part of him figured that many people just wanted to be bundled up at home watching holiday themed movies and drinking warm drinks rather than appreciating enchanting artworks.

he couldn't fool himself though, he knew the truth. today's generation didn't care about the fine arts anymore. a shame, seeing as everything around them seemed to be inspired by it.

kang taehyun worked at his local museum. he had been offered the position by the owner one night while roaming the place. this should've been a red flag looking back. the owner seemed desperate for someone to fill in the position since the previous employee had left without notice. nonetheless, taehyun took the job and didn't regret it one bit.

open 24/7, the red haired boy was always working on the clock. not that there was much to do seeing as most of the people his age or even a bit older didn't hang around museums purely for the joy of it. actually, his only job was to exhibit the newly arrived collections, clean and dust them off, and conduct regular tours and workshops for the public. due to this and the fact that not many people even came by he would take regular breaks.

once in a while you'd see the occasional old person or art expertee roaming around the small museum. if you were lucky, you'd see the local edgy teens posing next to a piece they didn't understand just to get an aesthetic picture. taehyun would also have the unfortunate job of shooing them away or scolding them for getting just a bit too close.

recently his boss, who was the museum manager and maybe the only other person besides taehyun that worked there, had informed him that due to funds and unfortunate unforeseen events, the museum would be closing down in about a month from now. this caused taehyun to fall deep into a depression since this was his only job and he loved it here. the museum was like his second home. he found comfort in the silent images displayed throughout the building. they always told him a story and when new pieces came in he would sit and stare attentively at the new anecdote being told to him.

taehyun smiled sadly at the piece he had just taken down. it was a painting of 2 people kissing however both of their faces were covered by white cloths. this was his favorite and he didn't even have a clue as to why. probably because of the uncertainty of what the other was feeling or because of the fact that the other couldn't see each other's faces through the cloth, that would've made the kiss more exciting in his opinion.

he stepped out of the museum and into the frosty air of the outside world. it was only autumn so why was it so cold? he thought to himself. he discreetly pulled out a prerolled blunt and his white lighter from his pocket. he lit it and stuck in between his slightly chapped lips.

maybe smoking dope wasn't the healthiest thing in the world, especially for a boy so young, barely 19, but it helped taehyun get his mind off the inevitably of losing his job and being homeless for the winter. he shuttered at the thought. he would have to room with one of his friends, he sighed shaking his head. no, he didn't want to be a burden, yeonjun had helped him enough as it is.

he looked at his surroundings taking in the cold autumn afternoon. the trees had long lost their leaves and were bare. the sky was a murky gray color as if it were threatening to rain any time soon. he noticed a girl bundled up in winter clothes near the entrance of the building glance at him. he smiled at her and she jumped at the eye contact, thinking that he wouldn't catch her. taehyun chuckled as he watched her rush into the museum. "back to work," he said out loud to himself.

once the blunt had been almost gone, he smoked what was left of it and headed back into the empty museum. he was feeling light-headed, the effects of the blunt finally taking action, but taehyun was used to it so it barely affected him as much.

he made his way to the girl who was now starting to take off her jacket and scarf. taehyun tapped on the girl's shoulder to get her attention. "hi," he smiled at the girl, showing off his dazzling smile. "if you'd like, i could give you a tour of the museum." well what's left of it anyways, he thought to himself.

"oh...no thank you," said the girl. she smiled warmly at the worker. "well not to be invasive of your decision but it's sort of in my job description," taehyun replied as he rubbed the back of his neck. the girl sighed in defeat, "i guess i have no choice then."

taehyun laughed as he took her coat and scarf to hang up in the public closet, "yep, trust me. they say im not that bad of a tour guide, im quite fun to be around if i do say so myself. i promise not to bore you too much." the girl nodded, not entirely convinced. "if i do end up bored i will hold you accountable..." she took a moment to take a peek at taehyun's name tag, "kang taehyun," she joked.

as they walked through the museum the girl couldn't help but notice that it was fairly empty. "why are there almost no paintings in here?" she laughed hesitantly. "i thought this was a museum?" taehyun stopped walking, turning to her with a sad expression on his face.

"the museum is expected to close in about a month or so," he stated simply. "oh...that's terrible. may i ask why?" the girl responded. "my boss says we've run out of funds or something like that," taehyun chuckled bitterly. "people don't really give a shit about good art these days anyways."

"that's a shame..."

they continued to look through the various paintings that were still up and occasionally the girl would ask to see the ones that were taken down and left on the floor. it seemed the two were lost in each other's company as night started to approach.

"thank you for the tour of this lovely museum taehyun. it was fun but it's a shame such a nice museum like this is closing down," the girl said softly. taehyun nodded solemnly, he just wanted to get this day over with and crash at his apartment. he didn't blame the girl before him but talking to her reminded him of his harsh reality. a notification coming from the girl's bag made both of them jump as they were both lost in their thoughts.

"ah, that must be my father. he's kind of annoying when it comes to my curfew," she chuckled, digging her phone from her bag. taehyun watched her with a bored expression until his eyes reached her bag. he hadn't noticed this earlier but she had been carrying a louis vuitton bag. his eyes bulged at the expensive item that was so close to him, they got even larger when she fished out the latest iphone from it.

taehyun wasn't poor per se, he had just enough to get by since he was living paycheck to paycheck. however, he had never been in such close proximity to any luxury items. he suddenly felt weird being this close to this girl.

"what do you mean by curfew?" taehyun asks hesitantly. the girl sighs, "my father is one of south korea's richest chaebol's, maybe one of the big three at his point." she rolled her eyes as if this information was nothing. "he's super strict with me because i guess i'm just his show pony daughter whom he can show off to say he's a good father."

taehyun gulped, had he just been casually hanging out with the daughter of one of the richest men in korea? he felt sick at this. she looked up at taehyun's uneasy expression, "oh my god im sorry i just dumped that all on you! i just needed to catch a break so i came here, i didn't mean to drag you into my life story."

taehyun fixes his face, laughing nervously, "no- no its fine really. we all need a break sometimes right? im glad you got to have that time here." the girl smiled up at him, completely misreading his nervous laughter, "im glad i got to spend it here with you taehyun."

"oh before i go!" taehyun watched her pull out a checkbook from her bag and his stomach dropped. he silently watched her scribble some stuff onto the slip and tear it out, handing it to him.

"there's not too much i can take out of my account without my father flipping out but i hope this helps even just a little. whether it be in your personal life or with the museum."

taehyun eyes the check and chokes when he sees 50,000 dollars written neatly on the black line. he swears he can feel sweat going down his face like in the cartoons. "i- i cant possibly take this from you." he moves to hand the check back but the girl refuses to take it back. "taehyun, you love this museum with your entire being. i see the way to look at the paintings and the passion with which you explained them to me. i'd hate to see that taken away."

"plus, if you're gone who's gonna give me the tour when i come back?" she laughs as if this is something casual. taehyun's hands shake as he pockets the check, "i seriously cannot thank you enough...you don't know how much you just helped the museum and m-"

the girls phone dings again and she grumbles, "ugh why can't he just leave me alone. sorry but i think i really gotta go for real before he tracks my location or something crazy like that."

taehyun nods wistfully at the mention of her having to leave. he was really starting to enjoy her company.

"oh by the way," the girl giggles as she pulls her coat on hurriedly. "was that you smoking weed at the corner of the museum earlier?" the girl chuckled to herself again just remembering it. taehyun furrowed his eyebrows, "why would you say that kind of thing at out loud and at my job?!" he scolded in a playful hushed voice.

"i just thought it was funny and you also smelled of weed the entire tour, i didn't mind though so don't worry," the girl concluded. she was starting to walk away towards out the door now. "i'll walk you out," taehyun offers. "such a helpful employee. is this in the job description too?" the girl jokes, turning to him while a smile on her lips. "well, not exactly," taehyun says smoothly.

she shakes her head, "i'll see you soon taehyun." he watches her walk off into the darkness of the night when he suddenly remembers something.

"hey what's your name by the way?" he shouts after the girl. for some reason taehyun really was hopeful of seeing her again.

"y/n!" came the disembodied voice of the girl he had just met.

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the-breath-in-air · 3 years

Text

Fixing "Boy Erased" (2018)

I recently decided to watch Boy Erased (2018) again, now that we're a couple years out from its initial release (and hype). And I came away with some thoughts.

First, something I think worked. You know that scene near the end, when Jared (Lucas Hedges) is trying to leave the conversion camp and he's racing through corridors and whatnot. That whole sequence works, but there's one moment that really stands out.

Jared attempts to get his phone and Michael (one of the 'camp counselors') tries to physically wrestle it away from him. There's a bit of a fight but eventually Jared makes his way to the bathroom and he calls his mom to come take him away. He then emerges from the bathroom and says to Victor Sykes (who runs the camp), "If you, or anyone else puts their hands on me, I have witnesses." Victor puts up his hands and says, "Nobody's gonna put their hands on you. Why would anybody do that? Come and sit. We're gonna wait for your mom, okay?" Then there's a hard cut to this:

Victor Sykes and Brandon literally laying their hands on Jared and praying. And I love that juxtaposition because it brings to light the violence inherent in this situation. They're restraining him through enforced religious acts. There's violence in this prayer.

And on top of that, it serves as a pretty good metaphor for the whole film. Jared's parents (especially his mother) believe they're helping but really they're hurting. They can't see the violence of their actions in sending him to the camp.

If only the rest of the film was working on this level.

Problem the first: Audience as observer. The film is really about observing its subject, Jared, as he experiences these events. But it isn't about giving us any insight into his perspective or interiority as he does so. The camera is looking at Jared more often that it is revealing to us what he's seeing. Perhaps the most obvious example of this issue is with the perfume ad scene. Jared is on a run and he comes across a perfume ad on the side of a bus stop with a bare chested buff guy. The camera shows us the ad, and then the rest of the scene has the camera (and thus, the audience) placed some distance away as we see Jared first touch the ad, then throw a rock at the ad, and then scream "fuck you" at it repeatedly. The ad itself isn't salacious enough to illicit that kind of response in the average audience-goer, and the camera is so disconnected from Jared's experience that we aren't really gaining insight into why this ad is affecting him in such a strong way. It ends up making it so that scene really does not work.

This isn't to critique Lucas Hedges's performance in that scene. It's more to say that all the other elements of that scene make it feel ridiculous - because the audience has not been guided toward viewing that ad in the same way that Jared does in that moment.

The second problem: Casting. To be absolutely clear, this is not a knock against any of the actors performances. On the contrary, I think everyone was pretty dang exceptional. Rather, it's more a conversation about casting choices. Two of those choices really stand out as somewhat misguided: Xavier Dolan as Jon and Emily Hinkler as Lee.

Turns out Emily Hinkler is a nonbinary actress. Lee (the character) is a cis guy who is conspicuously unmasculine. (If you've seen the movie - he's the one who gets hit in the head with a baseball). Casting a nonbinary actress as a cis boy at a conversion camp feels a bit off on it's own in that a conversion camp would be forcing people to adhere to assigned genders at birth. But I could get behind it as a sort of statement, like, a casting decision as direct opposition to the enforced gender binary of a conversion camp. i.e. Why should the movie adhere to the oppressive gender binary that the camp would? However, by casting a nonbinary actress as the least conventionally masculine character - it actually feels like it ends up reinforcing the binary. Lee's defining trait is that he's small and unmanly and, afaik, he's the only one of the male characters who is not portrayed by a cis man.

My issue with Xavier Dolan's casting is much simpler: Jon feels like he was written as a teenager and Xavier Dolan was approaching 30 when this was filmed. Maybe it wouldn't have bugged me so much if I didn't already know who Xavier Dolan was when watching the movie? Like, maybe if you watch it without knowing the actor's age, it works better? But also, the character feels like a teen but isn't explicitly stated to be a teen. So whenever he was on screen I kept wondering if actually part of Jon's situation is meant to be that he is 30 but stuck in a sort-of adolescence due to his relationship with his abusive father. Or did they just cast Xavier Dolan to portray a teenager?

This brings me to the third problem: Not enough of the ensemble. Jared, and thus the audience, spends proportionally, little screen time with the other people at the camp. They are rarely shown talking to each other - especially outside the restrictive observation of the camp's 'counselors.' This could be part of the point - i.e. that the camp is so isolating - but that isolation wasn't really highlighted by the camera/scenes/dialogue...so it really feels more like it's just an oversight. The movie focuses on Jared and his individual story and so the rest just fell by the wayside.

This is really unfortunate because there are some (potentially) great characters in there, especially Jon and Gary. Jon went through the program once before and is now back for a second time. We don't know what happened to make him come back. He appears to be 30-ish but he's staying at a hotel with his abusive father. He is completely invested in the program and treats his sexuality like an addiction. He has even taken it upon himself to forego all physical contact with other men (not even a handshake). His self-loathing is at once horrifying and heartbreaking.

In contrast, Gary (Troye Sivan) knows the entire program is bullshit, but he's playing along for his own survival. He's over 18; he lived with his boyfriend for a year prior to coming to the camp. So that begs the question of how his family convinced him to enter to the program. Also, Gary's so invested in his own survival, that he stays silent and is complacent in the abuse and violence he witnesses against others in the camp. He is both a victim and a bystander (at times).

I think this film would've really benefited from spending more time with these characters (as well as Sarah, portrayed by Jesse LaTourette, and Cameron, portrayed by Britton Sear) in the camp and seeing how they all interacted with each other. Give us a sense of their different contexts and perspectives - and give us a better sense of the ways that conversion camps disempower the people sent there (even people like Gary, who knows it's bullshit). It's the thing that makes all the other movies about conversion camps work so well.

Which brings us to the fourth problem: the ending. If we spend more time with the ensemble, we'd either end up with a really long movie or we'd have to cut out something else. Well, folks, we can cut about 10 minutes off the end. Everything after the dinner Jared has with his mother post-escape can go. The climax of the film is when Jared finally decides to leave the camp. The resolution comes when his mother places herself in opposition to Jared's father (which she had never done before) and decides that she's going to take Jared home. And the emotional resolution comes when she admits to Jared that they made a mistake and that they harmed him by sending him to the camp.

Everything after that is extraneous. We don't really need to see Jared living in a city with a boyfriend, or see him begin to reconcile with his father. His relationship with his father was never the emotional core for the film. Boy Erased is, in some ways, a movie about self-actualization and that's the sort of movie that's best to end with something a bit open-ended. Y'know...a sort of end-that's-just-the-beginning kind of thing. Because the story of Jared falling in love and dating and moving out and gaining the self-confidence to confront his father - well that's a whole other movie. And here it gets shoved into the epilogue, which does the whole thing a real disservice.

Then there are the informational cards at the end. Two stick out as being particularly frustrating. One, "The real Victor Sykes left L.I.A. in 2008. He now lives in Texas, with his husband," feels irrelevant and unnecessary. The audience cares about what happened to Gerrard Conley (who wrote the story and whom Jared is based off of). But why do we care about what happened to the real guy who ran the camp? We don't...except for the jab about him now being married to a man - which feels like it's a more significant point for the cis straight people in the audience than for anyone queer. Turns-out-ex-gay-pastor-was-actually-just-gay-the-whole-time is not revelatory, I gotta say.

Then there's also this:

The emphasis about conversion therapy "practiced on minors," feels a bit disconnected from the film we just watched - which emphasized how abusive and traumatizing it is, even for adults. And in the U.S., all states currently legally allow conversion therapy for anyone 18+. Only Washington D.C. has banned it. And that, to me, is equally egregious, yet it isn't mentioned. The film itself challenges the notion that it's somehow okay for this to be practiced on adults because it's ostensibly their "choice," and then the info cards at the end shy away from that stance by focusing on kids.

I think the thing I find most frustrating about this movie, is the wasted potential. As I said at the beginning of this, there are some moments that really stand out in how they use the medium to convey meaning. There are some choices in how the film uses light and brightness (or lack thereof), that are pretty dang good, too. But ultimately, it's a film I feel so detached from and I think some of what I explained above is part of why.

#boy erased #lucas hedges #xavier dolan #emily hinkler #troye sivan #joel edgerton #nicole kidman #jesse latourette #britton sear

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codename-mango · 3 years

Text

Clarice's Story - Season 2

I recently finished Clarice's canon route in Season 2, and I'm currently replaying Season 3 to give myself a refresher on Seb and nail down the details of Clarice's story in that Season. So this will have a Part 2, but I want to write out the decisions made that ultimately led to The Least Satisfying Ending of Season 2™, and the reasons behind them that are informed by her past and personality. I know I care more about this than literally anyone, but I'm doing it anyway. So let's get started!

Before the Villa

Raised by Ursula, a famous actress with Antisocial Personality Disorder. She was very loving to Clarice, but wanted her to grow a hard shell like she did.

Ursula gets a participation trophy in parenting for trying her best, but alas, Clarice has severe anxiety that she can't properly express.

Didn't have any friends before going on the show.

Clarice applied for the show with the hope of finding someone nice, though she had very low expectations. She expected all the girls (and fans) to hate her because she went in planning to be ruthless. She was very aware that her mother will be watching, and wanted to make her proud.

Day 1

Friendly to Hope right off the bat - No reason not to be, right?

"I need to look after Number 1." - Clarice isn't underhanded. She tries to be as honest as possible, and this is no exception. The girls need to know where she stands.

"I'm more the quiet and mysterious type." - Outside the Villa, Clarice is much more reserved due to her upbringing.

Picked Noah - He's handsome and doesn't try some cheesy line right off the bat.

Objected to Hope picking him immediately - First day and she's already been screwed over. Her pride is hurt, and she's not going to take this lying down.

Thought Bobby was nice, but there was blatantly no sparks there. He didn't even step forward. She gave him no illusions that she's interested, and flirted with Noah and the other boys at every opportunity. Prioritized grafting over making friends.

However, she welcomed Priya and condemned Lottie for being unnecessarily nasty.

Clarice didn't make any outright enemies except Hope for stealing Noah.

Participated in Lottie's celebration of the Moon - Strategically important to be civil with the girls of course

Day 2

Stayed friendly with Priya, and tried to be with Lottie

Confronted Priya for stealing Bobby - Yeah, she didn't like Bobby herself, but this was the second time she'd had her partner stolen. She was angry and embarrassed.

Day 3

Helped Hannah during breakfast and encouraged her to toughen up - This isn't Friend Island.

Told Rocco to pick her - It wasn't enough to steal Bobby back. She didn't even like him. But there was no chance of getting Noah back from Hope. Rocco was her real second choice on Day 1, and taking him helps her save face.

Told Hannah that Gary won't choose her - She thinks Hannah is totally naive, but has been friendly thus far and respected her couple.

Day 4

"If there's no spark, you've got problems."

Insisted Gary apologizes to Marisol

Grinded on Noah during the Slime Challenge - She's not sure if she's actually interested in him yet, or if she's just trying to piss off Hope.

Spoke up for Priya doing the same thing, and ignores Lottie

Tried to keep the peace between Lottie and Priya, and helps them resolve the issue - It's easier to live in the Villa without needless drama. Clarice's anxiety is hiked up enough as it is.

Day 5

Clarice went down to the pool alone to meet Lucas and Henrik - Why wouldn't she?

While she never cheated on Rocco, she did connect with Lucas like she never had with anyone before. She found him charming and kind and admired his humility despite his obviously posh background.

She definitely suspected Marisol and Rocco having a thing, but hoped he would talk to her about it before acting on it.

Day 6

Clarice was furious about Rocco kissing Marisol during the Kiss and Tell challenge.

She confronted Marisol afterwards, but wasn't aggressive about it. Marisol was by far the girl she's closest to in the Villa at that point. Despite feeling hurt, she wasn't about to ruin the start of a genuine friendship over a man.

Day 7

Worked with Lottie to ice out Rocco, but does agree to speak with him privately.

She was honest about why the girls were upset with him, and unleashed a bit of fury upon him.

Helped Noah win Mr. Love Island - She started to genuinely connect with him and found him very sweet, even though she thought his devotion to Hope was over the top and completely irrational.

Day 8

Extremely worried about the Mean Tweets challenge. She's had more than her fair share of Mean Tweets outside the Villa. She was worried how she came across to the public. She was even worried the producers would throw in one of her mother's.

Oh yeah, Ursula livetweets every episode.

If I had to include one of her tweets in the challenge, it would be:

"It's like Bobby isn't even trying"

She hated that Lucas went home. He was the one person besides Noah that she could see herself having feelings for.

Day 9

Confused by why Lottie wants to get with Gary, but doesn't say anything discouraging. Agrees to not pick him at the next recoupling.

Picked Noah to go on the date - They turn out to have great chemistry, and Clarice was even hopeful that she might be able to choose him at the recoupling.

Clarice fell back on picking Henrik after Hope chose Noah. She didn't see herself with any of the other OG guys.

Day 10

Clarice agreed to work with Priya on Operation Nope - She wanted to be with Noah, and this was the perfect opportunity to really crack on with him. Obviously she knew that Priya fancied him too, but may the best woman win, right?

She didn't tell anyone about ON.

She actually related to Hope acting snappy out of fear, but Hope's insistence on focusing on her rubbed Clarice the wrong way. She tried finding a common ground, and Hope ignored the gesture. She used that as (very poor) justification for...

Clarice kissed Noah. She knew they were having a moment, and went for it. She regretted it after he panicked and left.

Clarice dodged Chelsea's first hug - Why would she want a total stranger touching her without asking?? Though she sort of regrets it in hindsight, because of how close they are now.

"So he's just going to pretend he's innocent then?"

Day 11

She downplayed the severity of Lottie's kiss with Gary - "Hannah only knew him for 3 days." Besides, she's not a hypocrite who would condemn someone else for doing the same thing she did.

Said no to helping Bobby and Marisol resolve the conflicts in the Villa - She didn't trust herself to not make things worse. If things get better, then they'll get better on their own.

Brought Hope the hot chocolate - She knew she was one of the biggest reasons Hope was miserable. They didn't get along, but Clarice never did any of it to hurt Hope. That being said...

She refused to apologize - That's not the kind of woman Ursula raised. She needed to remind herself that she is her Number 1 priority.

Clarice barely interacted with Jakub. He was never her type.

She did apologize to Henrik. She had an obligation to communicate her feelings to him, and didn't. So she apologized. She told him that she fancied Noah and wanted to pursue him, and they broke up.

Bobby was the one to come comfort her and start grafting. She shut it down pretty quickly.

After Marisol asked about it, Clarice told the truth and that she wasn't interested in him. Marisol asked who she is interested in, and she told her Ibrahim just to put a stop to the conversation.

Day 12

Clarice eavesdropped on Noah's conversation with Priya. She was so excited that Noah said he had feelings for her, and that it was all worth it.

No secret of Clarice's was exposed during the Down in Dirt challenge. But if Henrik had opened hers despite her insistence not to, it would've read:

"Clarice was once escorted out of her own great-aunt's pub."

Clarice insisted Priya apologize and make peace with Hope, but refused to back down herself after it came out that Noah wanted to pick her.

"Priya stirring the pot and getting away with it. Can't say I disapprove."

Day 13

Clarice ate the whole cake. Canonically. I don't care, it's one of my favorite parts of the game.

Clarice coupled up with Noah at the Disaster Recoupling.

She was so excited to finally be coupled up with him. She savored every kiss and every touch. That was it for her.

Day 14

Said goodbye to Noah before sneaking off to Casa Amor

The only guy who caught her interest was Kassam, but he clearly wasn't interested, so she never acted on it.

Arjun was basically the leftovers from the other girls, and he seemed like he would be respectful of her space, so Clarice ended up with Arjun for the entirety of Casa Amor. (Even though he didn't give her nearly enough space for her liking.)

Day 15

Clarice didn't volunteer for any extra Villa vs. Villa challenges.

Clarice insisted on remaining loyal to Noah throughout CA.

She enjoyed getting closer to the girls, but was otherwise very reserved.

Day 16

Clarice indulged in Lottie's tea reading, but refused to believe it.

Clarice was shocked by the video the girls received, but still refused to believe Noah would go and sleep with another girl. He wouldn't do that to Hope, and he wouldn't do that to her.

She tried to comfort Hope the rest of the time there. Hope was obviously still upset about the Disaster Recoupling, but she appreciated that Clarice had remained loyal during CA.

Day 17

Clarice spent breakfast with Kassam. She really enjoyed it.

Clarice stuck with Noah.

Day 18

Obviously, Clarice was hurt by Noah bringing back Blake.

Ursula had this to say about Blake's "trying so hard" comment:

"The cheek of this one. Good luck with your career after this, babe."

Looking back, she regards it as karma. Something she deserved.

She didn't really know how to handle it. She kept her distance from Blake as much as possible.

Agreed with Shannon that you get what you deserve in the Villa - She thinks about this conversation often, especially after how she finished the season.

Helped the girls figure out what happened while they were away, and sort of regretted it after...

Noah went back to Hope. Clarice's grievances were ignored and criticized. She was frustrated and hurt.

Clarice saved Elijah from the dumping. She thought maybe she could start to move on from Noah with him.

She said goodbye to Priya, and sort of hated Bobby for letting her be sent home.

She had her first anxiety attack at the Villa that night. Gary and Chelsea were the only ones who knew about it, because they were the ones who stayed up with her until she calmed down.

Day 19

Confided in Chelsea and Shannon that she wished she could've been with Noah

Rather than Shannon teaching her how to read body language, Clarice challenged her to another game of 2 Truths 1 Lie, claiming Ursula raised a perfect liar. (She lost. But Shannon said she should try poker.)

Day 20

Scrambled eggs! It was the only kind Ursula could ever make.

Clarice was nervous about the arrival of Elisa and Jo. Although Jo seemed friendly enough, and Elisa was someone she briefly worked with before.

Didn't agree to talk to Ibrahim for Shannon after the double dates - Shannon needed to talk to him herself. And if he lies, why waste your time with him?

Insisted that Jo be given some space; Defended Chelsea while disagreeing with her actions

Day 21

Had to take multiple breaks from the girls day out - Good lord the fighting was exhausting and nerve-wracking

Helped Hope untangle the mess

Laughed out loud when Jo called her a people pleaser - "I might just be adopted then!"

"A people pleaser! Good on you, love!"

Legitimately almost cried when Chelsea called her amazing??? And when Hope praised her for taking the high road??? She might actually be a good person????

Got the girls to all make up

Cooked 🌟creamy garlic pasta🌟 for the group with Elijah

Started thinking she might have a chance with Noah again

Day 22

Asked Elijah to choose her at the Recoupling - Gave no promises that they'd be the next epic love story

Pining for Noah...

Day 23

Agreed to help Rahim ask Jo to be his girlfriend - Mainly for Noah's sake, because they're best friends

Went shopping with Elijah - Got Jo's nachos, chocolate, and blanked Elijah's flirtations

First pillow fort!

Grinded on Noah's lap during the Heartrate Challenge, then went to Elijah

Went to bed early

Day 24

Excited and relieved to have Lucas back!

Hugged Hannah upon her arrival - Overall, she was proud of Hannah for coming back more willing to get what she wanted.

Named the spider Todd

Reassured Lottie about Hannah

Clarice reassured Elijah after her date, but went up to the terrace and kissed Lucas.

Later at the party, she went back and slept with him. - After he came back, she thought maybe she was finally over Noah. She can be with Lucas and finally be happy in a couple. And she definitely rushed it.

Day 25

She told Elijah everything, and she felt horrible that he was more into her than she was into him.

Confessed to the girls after

Obviously bombed the Happily Ever After challenge

Clarice was left to couple up with Lucas.

Day 26

She was noticeably distant from Lucas - She wrote it off as guilt for cheating with him, though she was still happy to be coupled up with him.

Lottie's snide comments about her cheating made her distance herself from Lottie too.

Became Bra Sisters with Chelsea! And made up a handshake!

Lost the Couple Trouble challenge, so she and Lucas didn't go on the date in the Hideaway

Talking to Gary about his body image and therapy inspired her to go to therapy herself once the show was over. She really related to him when he said this:

Helped Marisol pack - Marisol was still one of her closest friends in the Villa. And she honestly thought it should've been her and Lucas going home.

Day 27

Babies? P A N I C M O D E!!

Clarice does want kids in the future, but doesn't trust herself to not fuck them up.

Very irritated by Lucas's refusal to help with the baby. It stressed her out more than it really needed to, so their unsteady relationship took a hit.

The beach break was a relief. And by the end of it, she was really happy to have made actual friends on the show.

Sent Ibrahim and Jo home - Sure, they're a better couple, but Chelsea is her emotional support bra!

Day 28

Finally got to talk to her mother. She "praised" Clarice for not letting "peer pressure" stop her from getting the guy she really wanted. (It was really a reminder that she still doesn't have him, and she should still go for him. However, what Ursula called peer pressure is what most people consider respecting relationship boundaries.)

Felt awkward talking to Lucas's family

Said no to being his girlfriend at the Final Date - They hadn't been together long enough, and his text conversation with Ursula was fine, but cryptic.

Privately relieved that Noah hadn't asked Hope to be his girlfriend yet

Day 29

Dress shopping was... An experience. She's definitely not unfamiliar with formal wear, but she spent a long time deciding who she should dress for. She ultimately chose a dress she knew Lucas would like.

Hopeless at dancing. She never got any of the steps right.

She tried to be as lighthearted with the speech as possible - She has a hard time opening up, and really, there wasn't many deep feelings to express for him.

Jumped in the pool

Sent Hannah and Elijah home - It was a tough decision, and it came down to Lottie and Gary's relationship being stronger.

Went up to the terrace with Noah, but she decided she was done with him leading her on, struggling to make a decision. She ended it once and for all, as opposed to sleeping with him.

Day 30

Still reeling from the night before

Helped Chelsea make breakfast - She told Chelsea that she wasn't feeling confident in her couple and their chance of winning.

Clarice and Lucas made it all the way to the end, but Noah and Hope won Love Island.

Lucas acted happy to be with Clarice until they went back to the Villa for the After Party. Then, he dumped her. - Clarice was furious, but she felt as though she absolutely deserved it.

Noah decided it would be best if they stayed away from each other.

Clarice told Hannah about what Lucas did, and Hannah promised to give him hell. That solidified their friendship for after the show.

Clarice pulled Chelsea aside, Chelsea nicked a bottle of champagne for them, and confessed everything to her. Her thing with Noah, his lingering looks, the terrace, Lucas acting for the cameras, everything.

Clarice went home with her mother. And cried almost the entire way to the airport.

After the Villa

She faced backlash for her actions in the Villa, but the Islanders she befriended came to her defense.

She had a long talk with Hope after everyone had a chance to watch the season back. It was a miracle Hope and Noah won, considering how much of his time with Clarice had been included in episodes. Hope broke up with him shortly after, and she and Clarice started to repair what they could. They agreed that they absolutely would've been friends if Clarice had made different choices. But for now, they're just being civil.

Ursula apologized for all the biting remarks about people in the Villa, except Noah and Lucas.

Clarice managed to keep her from running a full on smear campaign against them.

Clarice started therapy, and even got anti-anxiety medication.

The producers of Love Island offered her a second chance.

#litg #litg s2 #clarice figg #long post #this took forever #but it's done

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tamagochiie · 3 years

Text

--would you be so kind [tsukishima kei]

genre: fluff/slight angst

pairing: tsukishima kei x reader

song: would you be so kind by dodie

synopsis: you’ve fallen for quite a boy and what’s the best way to confess to someone if not during the school festival?

wc: 2.37k

a/n: truth be told, i was inspired to write this when i was listening to dodie, and i tried to somehow tie the lyrics in with the story, but i kinda lost my flow in between, but the story still works!

"This might seem strange..." You should've known better than to reach out to Yamaguchi and Yachi the moment those words left his lips. You should've cut him off, stopped him before he could finish the thought and left, but you didn't. You had sat there with your attention wrapped around Yamaguchi's finger as he conceptualized your perfect confession.

I should've gone to someone else, you thought. But you didn't have many friends and the ones you did have had no experience with love. You were lucky enough to have been friends with the ultimate Karasuno High duo canonically known to the student body as: YamaYachi.

Though, you weren't entirely sure if you could even deem yourself lucky.

They were quite meddlesome since you've come to know them and let them into your life. Though for someone as quiet and kept together as you, their presence helped spice up it every now and then. Like when they volunteered you to be the new volleyball manager without your consent, or when they had found out your heart had unwillingly fallen for Karasuno's notorious jackass, Tsukishima Kei, and butt in.

They would crack a wedge in every small opening they found to get you two together and chucked you right through it. During practice, when it came to water breaks, they'd make sure Tsukki wouldn't be able to get his water bottle, forcing him to go to you to ask for it. Whenever they heard Tsukki wanted to stay behind to practice, without your consent, they'd volunteer you. When it came to walking home, oh, they'd make sure you were always by his side while they followed behind.

Though it had been extremely uncomfortable and embarrassing, a friendship did blossom. Eventually, Yachi and Yamaguchi no longer needed to manipulate the forces of nature, and Tsukki would just come looking for you on his own.

So here you were, determination shaking in your bones as you strode down the crowded corridor of your high school, going against the current as you ignored your friends' attempts to catch your attention. You took deep breaths to calm the persistent thumping of your heart and to the ease the miniatured yous dashing around in circles in your mind.

If it had been up to you, your confession would've been as toned down and discreet as you: sticking a note in Tsukki's locker and making a run for it. But your high school life had fallen into the hands of two people who shared the same brain cell, so of course, go big or go home.

At least that's what Yamaguchi had said.

He made it a point that it was their final year while you were still struggling in your second year. "If you're gonna tell someone you like them, you might as well do it facing them head on, right?"

As much as you hated it, he was right. But you shook the pompous image of Yamaguchi as you drew near your meeting place. You met Yachi at the corner away from everyone else. Her face softened when she saw the nervousness in your eyes and greets you with a hug."How are you lungs?"

"They're a bit in pain." You answered honestly, breaths shaky. "This so dumb, I don't think I can do this."

"If I could swap chests with you today, I would." She joked as an attempt to ease you; it was her silly way of saying, "I'd trade the storm in your heart for the stillness in mine," and though her odd one-liners would help, it wasn't working. "You don't have to do the funny stuff Yams said—just go up to him and tell him. That's all you really need to do...They boys are just over there by the ramen booth,"

You leaned to the side to catch a good look at Tsukki, but what you find tightly gripped your heart and squeezed out the little confidence you had been mustering the entire day.

Another girl—a pretty girl—who was glued to him by the hip, laughing and twirling her hair. But what shocked you the most was the way Tsukki looked at her intently as she spoke, like he was making it a point to actually listen to whatever was coming out of her mouth.

Yachi caught the pain etched in your face and turned to see what the problem was, "Oh shit."

You didn't exactly know what came over you, but before you brain could match the tempo of the rest of your body, you called out his name and marched towards him. "Tsukishima Kei!"

Eyes dilated and looking down at you, he blinked at the sudden sight of you. His lips twitched in a smile as if he was happy to see you, but before he could address you or even say hello, you cut him off, unintentionally yelling, "I like you! I-I know you know that I like you, b-but that's not enough...So, i-if you would—Please go out with me! "

Time was such a fickle thing; because though it had only been a mere couple of seconds, it felt like you were stuck in a forever as the silence lingered between you, Tsukki, and everyone else that was within range to hear not only your confession, but your unexpectedly bold decision to ask him out as well.

Holy fucking shit, you thought. Though the silence was a loud and clear response, the rapid thumping of your heart was louder; and you couldn't stand the thought of staying there any longer. So before Tsukki would even manage to part his lips, you bolted out of there.

You ran to the pool side, far from where everyone else had gathered, where you were supposed to watch the fireworks with Tsukki if things had fallen into place like it was supposed to. You plopped yourself onto bleachers and sunk your head into your hands as you wept. You felt in incredibly silly.

"There's gotta be some butterflies somewhere," Yamaguchi had said this when you asked if it was a smart move for you to confessing to someone when you weren't even sure if there was even the smallest possibility the feelings were mutual. You should've taken it as a sign that you shouldn't have done.

But you did.

Oh, god, you did.

The image of Tsukki looking at you dumbfounded by your confession bled through and all you could do was sob harder into your hands. You remember the teams' faces, how shocked they were to have heard you say more than three words in one breath.

Oh, shit, the team. You were gonna have to quit being manager because there as no way in hell you could bounce back from the depths of your embarrassment and pretend as if you hadn't done that, especially in front of that pretty girl.

You wanted to hate Yamaguchi and Yachi, to place the blame on them, but they never said to screech out a confession let alone ask him out. So, this was undoubtedly on you. In the end, you were the idiot and you probably just lost a really decent friendship with someone you didn't even believe could be a good friend to begin with.

Regardless of Tsukki's reputation, he was quite kind, considerate, and attentive; if you were struggling with math or life in general he was willing to listen if he couldn't physically step in to help. Thinking about it, he always seemed to match his pacing with yours. If you were in a good mood, he'd banter with you, but if you weren't he'd tread lightly and do something to lift your spirits.

During lunch, he'd buy food in pairs; one for him and one for you because he when he asked why you didn't bring food every day, you told him you didn't have time to do it in the morning and you were too tired to bother when you came home. He'd lend you his jacket if you felt cold. He'd always wait for you after club if you had to pack up equipment or do extra tasks.

All these small gestures made your heart stand on its toes, but maybe you were bold to assume he saw your more than a friend.

Maybe you were bold to assume anything.

"I wanna die!" You groaned as you finally lifted your head from your hands, your eyes meeting the sky. The sun had fallen into the horizon and it was beginning to grow dark.

"Well, if you drop dead now, I won't be able to give you an answer." You jumped at the disembodied voice, gasping. You whipped your head to find Tsukki stepping out of the tall shadow of the pool shed. A sly smirk played across his lips with this hands hidden behind his back as he waltzed towards you.

You frowned at him, not really looking at him, but rather the buttons on his shirt. Too tired to run, you accepted your fate and swallowed the little pride you surprisingly had left and decided to face the rejection head on.

"H-How'd you find me?" Your voice was strained from the crying, so you cleared your throat and tried to relax. But when Tsukki took up the space beside you, you couldn't help but flinch back into stiffness.

"Yamaguchi said you might be here..."You scoffed as you brought your knees up to your chest, still avoiding looking at him. You looked ahead at the backdrop of the night, your ears trained on the subtle chirping of the crickets nearby. This would've been an ideal date moment, thought. The embarrassment once again creeped in and you shiver at what you had done moments ago.

Why was he here? Shouldn't he be with that girl? If he was here to reject you, he should hurry up rather than spend another moment wasting it on silence.

"Hey—"

"If you're going to reject me, please do so now." You deadpanned, cutting him off. There was a tingling, numbing feeling that began to build in the tips of your fingers, and would later spread throughout your whole body. "I'd rather you be straight to the point and reject me now. I'd rather you be cold and straight to the point rather than sit here and pick at your words, so please just hurry and reject me."

Tsukki scoffed at you, pushing the frame of his glasses further onto the bridge of his nose. "Well, damn," He seethed. The way he said your name made your heart float, but your stomach drop. "What the hell do you want?"

"Excuse me?"

"You asked me to go out with you, now you want me to reject you? Tell me, which is it?" You looked at him, finally meeting his gaze. He looked annoyed—no, he looked angry and you couldn't tell why.

"I—"

"Because I came here with an answer and a bag full of that spicy ramen you liked so much," He leaned in, lessening the gap between the two of you. Though you should've been wary at the close proximity, you couldn't help but have your thoughts wander over to the spicy ramen. Did he really bring me spicy ra—" You're so annoying! I listened when you told me what you had to say, so shut up and listen to me."

"Tsukki I—"

"Yes." He said, firmly. He swung his leg over to the other side of the bench so that he'd be completely facing you. Your cheeks began to burn and you swallowed thickly at the action. "Yes, I will go out with you. I want to go out with you. Damn it, I was supposed to ask you myself, but you had to go ahead of me. I didn't even know you had that in you."

"...I didn't..." You muttered.

"Then why'd you go and do it?"

"I—" You were at a loss for words; partly because Tsukki had just said yes, but also because of his bluntness and the aggression laced in the words that so easily left his lips. "I wanted you to know before you graduated...and it would've been a waste if I stuck a note in your locker instead of facing you head on..."

"So you decided to yell it at me?"

"I panicked!" You retorted.

"Why?"

"Well," You caught your bottom lip between your teeth before you could let yourself finish. You remembered the pretty girl, how close she leaned onto Tsukki, and the bitter taste that followed. "I—Cause...That..That girl you were with...I kinda just...I snapped, okay?"

"The girl?...Oh." It was as if you heard a clicking sound the moment Tsukki had realized what you meant. "That's my cousin... She'll be an incoming first year next year, so I wanted to show her around."

Oh, my god, shoot me in between the eyes.

You buried your face back into your hands as Tsukki began to laugh. You wanted to die right then and there, you prayed to the deity's to grace you with some sort of blessing and hit you with a rock—maybe even get set on fire by a firework. Anything.

"Wooow, I can't believe I like you." Tsukki sighed as he leaned back with his arms stretched behind him for support. You peaked at him through the spaces between your fingers, watched as he smirked to himself.

"W-Wait you really like me?"

"Duh!" He spat, rolling his eyes. "Did you think I said yes to you as a joke? I would've said yes to you in front of everyone back there if you hadn't taken off like that." You sat there as you pressed your legs closer to your chest, resting your chin on your knees completely dumbfounded. You had many questions, but not enough time to take up in the night to ask it all.

You sat up straight before completely twisting yourself to face him. He furrowed his brows at you, watching you shift in your seat as you tried to regain the confidence you had lost. You cleared you throat and met his eyes, leaning in. "Then, would you be so kind to fall in love with me?"

A playful smirk tugged the corner of Tsukki's lips, "I already have."

#tsukishima fluff #tsukishima x reader #tsukki imagines #tsukishima kei #tsukki x fluff #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!!#hq!!#haikyuu #tsukki #tsukki x reader #tsukki fluff #mine #tsukishima imagines

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citree · 3 years

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I finished the golden deer fe3h route and i have. so many feelings. huge rambling mess under the cut lol

First off, I kinda messed everyone's endgame pairings because i was support grinding, so everyone basically loved each other which was fine but the amount of reknown needed by the wayseer to bind characters fates together is like, insane?? 10,000 reknown for one pairing?? in the end i had barely enough for one, and it went to lysynthia because she deserves to live an actual life... I like her with cyril, and they were paired in my blue lions run, but I HAd to make sure she got a long life this time. I just had to

in the end i had lysynthia/lindhardt, manuela/hanneman, Raphiel/ignatz, Lorenz/mercedes, catherine/shamir, dorothea/felix, and ferdinand/hilda... among others. a surprising amount of characters ended up being on their own, even after all the grinding it did. But I mostly just wanted to get pairings i hadn't before-- I did most of the big popular ones in my first run (and then redid manulea/hanneman &catherine/shamir a second time because i screwed it up last time) but one of the things that stuck out to me was how some of the fanon pairings were sooo much better than the canon ones. for example, Hilda/Marianne? I LOVE them together in fanon, but the supports in the game kinda left things to be desired, and it kinda sucked how often hilda said how useless Marianne was without her :/ like i get what they were going for, but i felt so bad!! If it were up to me i would've had hilda compliment her way more-- something she's reportedly good at-- instead of laughing and teasing her. Like sure it was cute, but still. Maybe that's why fanon's totally changed up their dynamic... aesthetically, they're like a 10/10, fanon-wise, 12/10, but i felt like their actual supports were like... a 6. i had high expectations and it left me a bit disappointed. im still probably going to draw them together tho Since getting the game i still think the golden deer route is best overall, answering questions and tying things up and whatnot. Claude's probably the most capable and charismatic lord and he really grows into his role over the timeskip, which I really enjoyed seeing. his relationship with byleth is solid, but I wasn't obsessed the romance like i was with dimitri... (Claude actually asks how byleth is doing after the timeskip and acting like Person though, so I have to give him that.) platonically they're 10/10. super good best friends to lovers vibe, very wholesome and healthy. with dimitri's romance, it felt a bit unbalanced and that byleth was the center of his whole world-- which is fine, but i really enjoyed how Claude still had things to do outside of just being byleth's partner. It felt a lot more real. I still feel like I enjoy the fanon shipping more, but maybe I've just been spoiled by a lot of great writing and art... regarding Edelgard, It HURT me to finish her off, like, way WAY more than it did in my blue lions route. In azure moon she's gone to such lengths its harder to sympathize with her, but in verdant wind when she says "I wanted to walk with you--" before being cut off... man. owch. i look forward to playing her route, but i disagree so much with her methods, i know it's gunna be rough. Double owch for how Dimitri is handled in this route too. He's like completely written off after appearing in one single battle. And seeing Dedue and Dimitri separated is just. so sad. Honestly its not a fresh take but the kingdom and alliance should've joined forces-- I know the writers didn't want that to happen, they wanted 3 separate routes with 3 separate forces, but in both azure moon and verdant wind, it just make so much more sense?? tactically?? A better writing decision to make at least would've been to have Dimitri have more of a presence so he actually feels like a part of the game, rather than a one-off extra boss thrown in for nostalgia's sake. Edelgard takes up so much of the spotlight (and i do love her for it) but it is called 3 houses for a reason...

I know in the end I'm just gunna be daydreaming about an AU where nothing hurts and everything is fine, but oof. if I could've dug my little writer's hands into the story I know I would've changed a couple things. I'm sure i'll feel even more strongly once i play silver snow, but that'll be a while still. For now, i guess it's back to support grinding in CF🤔

#fe3h spoilers #verdant wind spoilers #long post #WOOF remind me never to make a big rambly post like this again #i just felt like letting my thoughts out #part of me really wants to do a whole silver snow rewrite with an extra lord OC but i feel like that'd be a lot of work #i think its just up to how insane CF makes me wish for a happy ending #and then silver snow not delivering on that :/#verdant wind gave me basically everything i expected save for the nitpicks i made in this post lol #canon critical #txt #i should do some art huh

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carreraleigh · 5 years

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Dancing in the dark

A/N: This is a two-part story. In the first part me and @vienroose focused more on the romantic part of colt and mc. The second part is coming next week, and it will be VERY smut, so be prepared.

Pairing: Colt x MC (Ellie)

Book: Ride or Die

Summary: A few weeks after kaneko's death, colt and mc talk about their feelings and what they want for the future.