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emberfrostlovesloki · 2 months

Text

Sated [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@hotchbabygirl) Center (@psykopaths) Right (@aiirene)

Prompt: Aaron and the reader continue to have to postpone being intimate with each other, and when the jet breaks down stopping Aaron from being with the reader one more time, he takes matters into his own hands to get what they both desperately want.

Pairing: [established relationship] Aaron x non!BAU!reader. The reader uses she/her pronouns

Category: fluff/comfort/smut

Word Count: 8K

A/N: Content warning after the cut. Hi loves! First off, this story is 18+, minors DNI. Please respect this boundary. Content warning after the cut. I have had the idea for this fic for ages, and it’s finally here. Sorry for my lack of writing/posting. I’m trying hard to stop procrastinating at my real job, which takes away from my writing time which I love. I might consider this pwp if you squint, but let me know what you think. If you enjoy this fic, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! I hope you’re having a great start to your weekend and thanks for reading. Love Levi - ❤️

Content Warnings: Sex [Hotch and reader], shared masturbation, phone/video sex, use of sex toys [reader], hand job [Hotch] mutual pining, Aaron and the reader are horny, mention of poisoning and death [brief and case related], fear-mongering about the border, mention of drugs, mention of alcohol and food. Please let me know if I missed any.

List with all stories

y/n = your name

_y/f/d_= your favorite dinner

_y/f/s/s_ = your favorite scented soap

Aaron had been itching to get back to y/n for ages now. It had been issue after issue that had kept them intimately apart for weeks. The jet breaking down had been the last straw as he moved back toward his room in the hotel for yet another night without the warm and calming presence of his partner's body and pussy close to him. This desire to be sated had been building up for some time. Hotch wasn’t always so needy, but it had been a long road here. It had started with their last date when Aaron had come over, and they’d agreed to take a long walk and look at the fancy houses two blocks from y/n’s modest apartment. The contrast in wealth was often astounding to y/n, who every now and then complained about rents being raised every year without a change to her salary. And even though she could run her mouth about that kind of thing, she said it less and less often now that she was dating Aaron. He’d helped make her apartment much more livable by fixing the leaky faucet and putting up removable wallpaper that she could take down once she inevitably moved in with him. That was a conversation still to come, but something they were both thinking of. Aaron had done a host of other things for her around her one-bedroom unit as well while she watched him dreamily. y/n adored him in a plain t-shirt or even better, one of his faded academy shirts or hoodies from his law school days that barely held together anymore. Often after he was sweaty from a project, y/n would offer him some cold water and lead him to bed, where she’d have the pleasure of peeling off his clothes. They’d make quick work of making passionate love after they had both stripped bare, sometimes going two rounds.

But as often as they could be found in the sheets or the shower, or wherever the couple might find to have sex, they were also good at reading each other’s energy levels and not pushing for intimacy if one or both of them was not feeling up to it. Aaron realized pretty quickly in his relationship with y/n that she enjoyed him just as much relaxing on his chest on the sofa while he played with her hair as she did while he was pinning her to the bed and making her moan out his name so all of her neighbors could hear them. This was perfect for both of them because it gave them quality time to relax together and get to know each other outside the confines of sex and that side of exploration of the other. Hotch was a good bit older than y/n, and he worried that he wouldn’t be able to perform for her as much as he wanted or y/n expected. But as it turned out, they fit each other perfectly both in and outside of the bedroom. There had been no sex on their last date, as they both were exhausted, but they’d talked about the future and what they hoped to achieve this year personally and in their shared life.

Then a case had pulled Aaron away from y/n and it overlapped with Valentine's Day. He’d planned a nice dinner and to wine and dine y/n before they came back for some alone time while Jack was with a sitter for the evening. That didn’t end up happening, and y/n called the restaurant to cancel. Hotch had only had the chance to get about a twenty-minute call to y/n to tell her that he loved her before he got word that another victim had been found by Emily. By the time he’d gotten home from that case which dealt with heartache and murder, Aaron was too tired to do much else but collapse into y/n’s arms when he got to her place. She helped him to the bed, out of his oxfords, and then his tie and pants. Aaron smiled up at her and said in a quiet voice, “Sweetheart, don’t bother folding that stuff. I’ll get it dry cleaned on the weekend. I just want you in my arms, baby.” y/n turned to him and ran a hand down his jawline and dropped his clothes on the floor. y/n moved to turn off the lights in the entryway, bathroom, and bedroom before dropping into bed next to Aaron who had snuggled under the covers. Hotch pulled her close to his chest and buried his face in her neck and shoulder blades. y/n opened her legs enough for Aaron to slide one of his legs between hers. The warmth of her thighs around his leg grounded him, and y/n took his hand in hers and placed it on her side while asking, “Bad case, Aaron?” Hotch mumbled into the crook of her neck and replied, “Yeah.” y/n squeezed his larger hand. She wanted to be cognizant of his triggers, of the things that might make him relive things again either from his past or prior cases, but y/n also wanted to let him know that there was always an open channel of communication between them. So, y/n inquired broadly, “Kids?” Hotch nodded again and replied in a low voice, “Um-hm. Just two kids. Cousins. That was enough.”

Aaron rarely expanded on case details. One because it would break security protocols and two, and more importantly to him, he wanted to save y/n from the horrors of what he saw on the field. Sometimes, however, he painted her a vague picture of the team's exploits on their crazier cases without giving her any details on the unsub or the victims. Not that y/n was looking for the unsub or victims. However, she cared about Aaron and wanted to make sure he was okay physically and mentally. Dating an FBI agent did make reading the newspaper on the weekends more suspenseful. y/n would read a headline and look at Hotch and he’d come around to see what it was she was looking at and reassure her that he wouldn’t be involved in that, or that she shouldn’t be concerned. y/n’s mind snapped back to Aaron as his hand left hers and wrapped around her waist. y/n didn’t mind days like these when they were snuggled close and she let Aaron physically relax by her presence. Within a few minutes and y/n saying soft words and gentle brushes of her hand, Hotch fell asleep with y/n following shortly after.

This had all been fine and both y/n and Aaron were happy, but their anniversary was coming up and Hotch had planned another night for them to make up for missing Valentine’s. This time he had planned on making dinner for them both and then he had a vision in his mind of what would come after. He flushed at the very idea of what he had in mind. y/n was so excited about what he’d told her to expect. Something about a bottle of her favorite red wine, _y/f/d_, and some dancing in the living room with his beige couch and table pushed out of the way while their playlist was in the background. Then there was the comment that had taken y/n’s breath away when he’d whispered in her ear, “And let me add, that I’m just grateful you're on birth control too. We might need it after our night is finished.” y/n had been so flustered that Aaron took the opportunity to peck her mouth and pull back, saying, “Penny for your thought sweetheart.” y/n pulled out of her reverie and smiled slyly saying, “hmm. You’ll have to pay me a whole lot more than that for me to share. But, if you’re patient, and you wait till our anniversary, I’d be more than happy to show you.” Hotch flushed and was itching for that day to come sooner. He’d make a move now, but it was his weekend with Jack, and he wanted to spend some quality time with his son. He and y/n would spend that Saturday taking Jack to the rollercade where his son and y/n always managed to lap him and he somehow always ended up on his ass. It was going to be a fun day no matter how many times he fell.

That weekend came and went and Aaron didn’t anticipate seeing y/n again until that weekend on their anniversary because both of their weeks looked busier than usual. The anticipation only made Friday night more and more enticing. Hotch limped into the office and made it almost to his door when Rossi came out of his office and noticed Aaron’s odd gait. Dave couldn’t help but joke. “You and y/n try something new this weekend?” Hotch rolled his eyes in a way he only did when Rossi ribbed him. Aaron replied, “Unfortunately not unless you could falling while roller skating counts as something new.” He paused for a second and continued, “It’s actually been a minute since we’ve done… that.” Dave raised an eyebrow and asked, “Problems?” Hotch answered, “Far from. We’re just both busy and tired recently.” Aaron didn’t add on how he likes to be fully present and energized when he and y/n have sex. But to him, his stamina was essential so he could bring y/n to climax multiple times and in as many ways as they wanted. Aaron flushed again at the thought and said, “Now, any more questions about our personal life, Dave?” Rossi scoffed, and replied, “Nope. Grilling over. Someone has to check in on you.” Hotch rolled his eyes once more and unlocked his door to get out of Rossi’s mirthful gaze. Secretly Aaron was happy Rossi looked after him, and his sex life. It wasn’t exactly an easy topic for him to discuss with anyone apart from y/n, but it was nice to know that Rossi was invested in all parts of his life. The team was invested too, annoyingly sometimes. They all adored y/n, and she loved them too, but sometimes he caught them whispering and looking in his direction when y/n was around. He wasn’t so insecure to think that they were making fun of him, but y/n was younger than him and it could end up being a topic of conversation that he chose to ignore most days.

The day started as normal in the office but ended in one of the most frustrating cases he’d seen in years and yet another reason why he couldn’t get to y/n and satisfy their needs. When JJ dropped the case off on his desk he thought it would be a short affair. Murders in a small Texas border town normally meant that it was drug-related and the jurisdiction went back to Mexico or it was a local or personal dispute that could be easily figured out in a town of three thousand people. It turned out to be the latter, a wife wanted to divorce her husband, but the poison intended for him accidentally ended up at the family reunion killing seven people. As easy a case at it turned out to be for the BAU, as soon as the team arrived the town was swamped. The police of Procedio Texas wanted all the credit for cracking the case, but one of the victims was from Big Bend, so the Big Bend Police force sent two units to try and solve the case as well. Along with this and the constant media blast about the tension at the Southern border of the United States, State Troopers and Border agents had come as well hoping to push the narrative of fear about those immigrating and people allegedly flooding the country with cocaine.

It was a case of too many cooks in the kitchen. The precinct didn’t have enough space or resources for all of the people there, and the team was bombarded with fifty different angles and agendas upon arrival. It was annoying as if those trying to swing them in a certain direction did ‘t know full well that the BAU had to be fully unbiased as they worked. There were lots of wild leads and bad reporting and mostly it was hot. Hot and crowded. Something about the elevation and the Texas sun made sweat drip down Aaron's neck and back under his white shirt and suit in an uncomfortable way. It had been Derek who had finally cracked the wife who ended up telling Morgan and Emily that it had all been an accident. Everyone but the BAU seemed disappointed. The team was just happy they would finally be able to go home. No one could be more excited than Aaron. If the jet left in less than five hours, he’d be able to make it to the highly awaited anniversary dinner and his plans after. The thought had him a bit flustered as they finished up at the hotel and moved toward the small airstrip where the jet was being prepped.

It wasn’t until everyone was on the plane that the pilot stated after five minutes on the ground, “Hey everyone. I’m sorry but we’re going to have to disembark. There’s something wrong with the electrical system that’s just popped up and I’ll need to get it checked out before we’re cleared to fly. This made everyone groan, and Aaron ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Everyone got out but Hotch who moved to the cockpit and checked in with the pilot asking how long he approximated the fix would take. He asked for the team and himself. The man shrugged and said, “Depending on what’s wrong it could be an hour or it could be overnight. I’ll keep you updated Agent Hotchner. Sorry about the delay.” Aaron nodded and moved off the jet and onto the blistering tarmac. He knew it wasn’t the pilot's fault; he was just annoyed. Rossi had waited for him while the rest of the team went to get more vans to drive them back to the motel. Dave raised an eyebrow at him and Aaron replied to the unspoken question in a clipped tone, “He’s not sure. I have a feeling it’s going to be a while.” Rossi nodded and asked, “You sounded bummed about it.” Aaron rolled his eyes and replied, “You’re not? Tonight y/n and I had plans for our anniversary. I miss her.” Rossi got the implication and gave Hotch a pat on the shoulder as they moved toward the cars that were rolling toward them. Before they got in, Dave said, “Well, maybe it’s time to think outside the box.”

The team ended up having to get another night at the motel and after everyone had settled and put their bags back in their rooms, most of the BAU made plans to get dinner at one of the restaurants in town. Emily asked Aaron if he wanted to join them, but he politely told her no, that he needed to call y/n and let her know that he wasn’t coming home tonight. Prentiss saw the disappointed look on his face and said, “Well, I’ll pick you up something to-go and keep it in my fridge. You can come and knock on my door when you want it.” Aaron gave her a smile and pat on the shoulder, appreciative of how she looked out for him. Once everyone was gone, Aaron picked up his cell and called y/n. His mind wandered to what he wanted to be doing to y/n right now or had planned for later that night, and he couldn’t help but let out a small groan at his image of her spread out on his bed, legs apart and shaking for him as he licked her cunt and clit over and over again until her first orgasm had her thighs wrapped tightly around his face pulling him closer to her core. He’d let her rest for a moment before prying her legs open again as y/n was still panting. He’d tease her entrance before sliding his cock deep inside her to have another go and get off himself for the first time. The very thought had his member twitching in his black slacks. Aaron couldn’t hold back the thoughts anymore. He’d waited for what felt like so long to satisfy y/n and himself, but her pleasure always came above his own. The tightness in his crotch told him how badly he needed y/n, and Rossi’s words rang in his ears turning them, and the rest of his face red.

Hotch had an idea flash in his head as he waited for y/n to pick up. He wondered if he could even do it. He and Haley had been traditional, this idea would never fly with her. But y/n, either to due her age or just plain confidence was more adventurous than Haley had been. They tried new things in and out of the bedroom and Aaron wondered, for a moment, if she might agree to his wild idea. With the state of his cock pressing against his fly, he was going to need to do something to relieve the pressure, and if he couldn’t be there with her tonight in person, maybe there was another way for them to get off. Just as he was building up the idea, y/n picked up.

y/n picked up her phone from the side table as she was fixing up Aaron’s place for when he got home. She had bought Aaron a bottle of his favorite scotch for him to sip on after dinner and before the real fun would begin. y/n was tidying up Hotch’s room and just moving to clean the kitchen so it gleamed when her phone beeped to life. y/n wasn’t expecting a Facetime call from Aaron. Normally after a case, he would give her a quick call on the way to the tarmac or on the jet where the reception was choppy at best. So already, y/n suspected something was up with that. She quickly swiped the answer on the call and smiled as Aaron’s beautiful face filled the screen. “Hey sweetheart,” he said in a voice that was a bit deeper than y/n expected. She noticed that he wasn’t in the jet and that he looked flustered. His eyes seemed deeper than normal. y/n smiled at him and replied, “Hi love. Did something go wrong? Is everyone on the team okay? Are you okay?” Hotch let out a huff and ran a hand through the hair on the back of his head. He said, “Well, everyone’s okay, But… well the jet isn’t. I think it’s going to be down for the night.” Aaron watched as y/n’s face fell and his heart clenched in his chest. He tried to not let the frustration get to him. Life happened, just at unfortunate times. y/n swallowed back her disappointment as she realized that Aaron wasn’t coming home tonight. “Oh,” y/n let out, adding, “Well that’s frustrating, but your gift got delayed by FedEx so I guess it’s a blessing in disguise?” Aaron knew y/n was trying to keep a good attitude, and he appreciated that she tried to see the silver lining in things. He nodded and said, “Well… I had a few things planned that I thought you might like tonight too, and well… Maybe we could still do them in a way. Over the phone?”

y/n tilted her head. The way he was talking was the way he talked right before they had sex. Even though he was excellent in bed, he always got a little shy. y/n was slightly shocked that Aaron would come up with such an idea, but it wasn’t unappealing, in fact, y/n’s core clenched in the way it always did when they started kissing and heading to the bedroom. However, they’d never had phone sex before, and y/n wasn’t sure if or how it would work between them. y/n also didn’t want to read into the situation too much in case this wasn’t what he was implying. If it wasn’t, y/n would be mortified. So to ensure she wasn’t wrong, y/n said coyly, “What exactly are you insinuating, Aaron.”

Hotch’s face turning red told y/n that she was right, but she wasn’t going to let him off the hook. Instead, she smiled at him reassuringly as he said, “Well, I was thinking.” Aaron took a breath and continued with more confidence, “I was thinking that because I won’t be there tonight, we could come together, like if we were with each other, just on the phone?” y/n’s eyes glistened and Hotch’s flustered face made him so attractive. y/n nodded and replied, “Okay Aaron, we can try. I, I um, I’ve never tried that before, but I’d like to since we can’t be together. Just” y/n’s words faltered. She realized that she was now as shy as Aaron. y/n was going to say not for him to make fun of her, but he never would. Not in any scenario would he put her through that. That fact made y/n more confident, and she said, “Never mind about that last bit. So, how are we going to make this work? We both need our hands for what we’re talking about.”

Aaron paused. The idea had come so quickly to him and he wasn’t sure what came next exactly. His brain kicked in and he said with a sheepish smile, “How about I send you a Zoom link from my account? That way we can see and hear each other better and we’ll have our hands too.” He watched as the idea flirted through y/n’s mind. He could tell that she was a little hesitant to try this, and he said, “y/n, we don’t have to do this. I understand if you want to wait for me to be there. I just miss you in that way. I miss being with you.” y/n softly smiled at his reassurance and said, “I miss you too, Aaron. Happy anniversary by the way. I kind of forgot when you said you couldn’t come home. And, I want to try this with you. Could you give me a few minutes to just take a quick shower and get in bed? You can send the link and I’ll open it when I’m ready?” Aaron nodded, happy to know that they were going to try for something and that y/n wanted this like he did. It also comforted him that y/n needed a few moments to get ready and composed. Hotch wasn’t feeling that composed either as he nodded, told y/n that she could take all the time she needed and that he’d send her the link in a minute or two.

When Hotch hung up he took a long breath. He was surprised at himself for getting the idea out there and rather proud of himself too. That wasn’t a guarantee for what would come after they started, but it was a start. Aaron’s cock twitched in his pants again and he knew he’d need to calm down for a moment of risk coming all over his neither regions with just a few strokes of his hand if he heard y/n making the sounds he adored so much when they were together. His body was more pent-up and ready for release than he had realized. Aaron quickly pulled out his laptop and flipped to Google and his saved tabs. He kept Zoom pinned to the homepage because he often used it to talk to Jack when cases ran long and Jack needed a few minutes with his dad. Aaron always obliged his son when he could with this. He never wanted his absences to feel like a full departure for Jack and this was the easiest way for both of them if it was a longer talk. But what Hotch had planned here was nothing wholesome. Aaron tapped his fingers quickly and hashly across his keys and he brought up a new meeting and just titled it y/n. He sent her the link and access code and moved off of the bed. He knew that if y/n was just taking a quick shower and getting into something more comfortable, she’d only be about twenty or twenty-five minutes, so he took time to kick off his pants and get into a blue sweatshirt. He moved to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face and neck to cool him down slightly. He then moved back to the room pulled a cold water bottle from the fridge and took a few big sips. He was feeling warm already. Aaron turned to look at the image of himself reflected in the mirror on the wall across the bed. He realized that if he was facing forward on the bed he’d see himself and that didn’t seem that appealing to him. Yes, he and y/n might have liked to show off in bed, but the idea of doing that here in the hotel room with just him inside seemed narcissistic to him, so he pulled a towel from the bathroom and placed it over most of the mirror. He also decided to face away from the mirror just in case he could still see some part of himself reflected. The mirror did give him an idea for when he got back home to y/n and that sent another jolt through Aaron’s member and he stifled a groan.

y/n was did take a quick shower to just relax for what was coming and to feel a bit more confident before it started. She washed over her body with _y/f/s/s_ under the warm, steady spray of the shower head. When she got out, she spritzed on a body spray that she knew Aaron liked. y/n had bought new lingerie for the evening in hopes of making Aaron, well Aaron and it was a style that she thought would drive him crazy. For a second she considered saving them, but why not wear them now Hotch still had eyes, and he’d see them fine on Zoom. They were sheer were her pussy was already getting wet and there was lace on the sides that matched her skin tone perfectly. There was also an accompanying bra to match with similar sheer panels for her breasts and lace on the band that wrapped around her back. y/n hoped this wasn’t too much. However, she didn’t want to just pop up on camera nude, as she highly doubted Aaron would do so. He was too much a gentleman for that. y/n lit a candle on the side table, threw away the match, and turned on the lamps in the room for a more atmospheric environment that would keep her calm and let her body unwind to be able to do what she wanted to do. Finally, y/n pulled out her laptop and opened her email. The Zoom link was waiting for her and with a last hint of hesitation, she clicked “join meeting.”

Aaron was sitting on the bed with just the lamps on when y/n joined. His boxes were still on and he had pushed the laptop screen up so it was mostly his head, upper chest, and torso that filled the frame. When y/n’s camera turned on and he saw that she was wearing a new set of _y/f/c_ brazier and panties, his jaw slightly dropped, and his brain momentarily went blank. Suddenly his T-shirt felt incorrect for the occasion. He cleared his throat and said, “Oh my God, y/n. You look too hot in that. Did you get those just for me? Are they new?” From the screen, y/n smiled and tried to say something but her mic was muted. Aaron shifted forward and said, “Sweetheart, you're on mute darling.” When y/n recognized what Hotch had said, she rolled her eyes and moved forward on the bed so that she turned on her mic. This gave Aaron a much closer look at her beautiful tits, and he wasn’t mad about that one bit. There was a hint of embarrassment as y/n audibly said, “Oh lord, it’s all going South already. Why is forgetting to turn on your mic the most embarrassing thing ever?” Hotch chuckled and said, “Sweetie, there are a lot more embarrassing things than that. Now, would you let me get a look at what you have on. It looks fantastic on you.” y/n flushed and moved farther back from the computer at the head of the bed. She sat on her thighs with her knees open slightly enough apart for Aaron to get the whole package. y/n placed her arms behind her back which pushed out her chest a bit more for him as well. She could see his eye flash dangerously and his tongue slipped between his parted lips and wet them in a flash. Without saying anything, she shifted her weight up and turned to the side so he could see the details on the side and her profile lit by the lamp behind her.

When y/n was back in a more natural position on the bed, Aaron said, “y/n, do you have any idea how badly I want to strip those things off of you right now?” y/n smiled and replied, “What, these old things?” while stroking a hand over her chest and down to her center. Hotch let out a hot breath and said, “You’re being a tease tonight, aren’t you, y/n.” y/ replied, “Only as much as you. You still have your shirt on and I haven’t seen very much of you, love.” Aaron nodded and took the hem of his shirt stripped it off and threw it to the floor He also sat up a bit so y/n could see the large bulge in his underwear clearly in need of attention. y/n let out a little whimper at the sight and she wasn’t sure if the sound carried enough for Aaron to hear. y/n realized she’d have to be a little more vocal to make sure Aaron got all of her pleasure and moans of his name. Aaron swallowed back a little grunt. Her vocalization was barely audible, but it turned him on massively. He moved a hand to his groin and stroked over his underwear. His hips jerked a bit with the movement and he moaned slightly.

Aaron’s dark eyes looked at y/n as he said, “If I were there I’d slip my hands up your body and rest them on your breasts and massage them until your nipples got hard and begged to be played with. Instinctually y/n moved her hands up to her chest and did as he said even though her nipples had already become hard with his statement. The small bumps and hard center moved under her hand. They were sensitive and y/n let out a little moan when she pinched them with her fingers. Hotch kept moving his hand slowly up and down his clothed length as he said, “You sound so pretty like that, y/n. Keep playing with them for me love. You know how I adore your breasts.” It wasn’t long before y/n’s fingers slipped under her bra and she started tweaking her nipples the way Aaron liked to. All teasing fingers until his warm mouth got involved. The idea made her moan and her panties which were already wet, wetter. As hot as the idea was, her hands weren’t as skilled as Aaron’s large ones. Although Hotch had stamina and strength, he was always gentle with the foreplay. Helping y/n ease into whatever they had planned or innovated for the night. y/n knew she was being rougher than he was, but couldn’t find the right touch. After a few more moments of this, y/n slipped her hand under the right and then left straps of the bra and let it slide down her chest. Hotch took a deep breath like it was the first time ever seeing her like this. y/n had a way of memorizing him with her body that no one else had before. y/n undid the clasp at the back of the garment and tossed it aside.

Aaron cleared his throat and asked, “Are you wet sweetheart?” y/n whimpered as her fingers traced down her center line past the waistband and into her warm folds slick with anticipation. Aaron stopped his palm where it was midway up his dick as precum beaded at the top of his cock. y/n took in a sharp breath as y/n’s fingers traced her clit up and down from her entrance to her sensitive bundle of nerves. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head and she could hear Aaron groan her name. When y/n opened her eyes which were still half-lidded, she saw Aaron had pushed his briefs down his groin and they bunched around his hips and under his balls. His pubic hair was dark, and y/n wished she could push her mouth down this dribbling cock to the root. To feel him throb inside her throat as he guided her head up and down his length as he pleased. y/n couldn’t take waiting much longer and she knew her hand wasn’t going to be enough anymore. Not after she’d had Aaron for as long as she had. y/n pulled her hand out of her panties and Hotch asked, “Hmmm. What do you taste like, baby? Since I can’t be there to try you myself.

y/n pulled her dripping fingers from her pussy to her mouth and sucked them clean while Aaron watched, and his hand and hips started moving again. y/n pulled her fingers from her mouth and said, “It’s salty. Like your cum but different. Ugh. Babe, I’m going to get a toy if you don’t mind.” Aaron’s hips halted mid-way through moving up from the bed, and he replied, “Darling, do whatever you need to do sweetheart. I don’t mind if you use a toy at all.” y/n was a bit flustered. They’d talked about sex toys and getting off while they were both away before. Neither Hotch nor y/n often felt like getting off without the other, but sometimes the wait was long and instinct played out. Hotch had asked y/n if she used toys before him and bashfully y/n had nodded her head, though she admitted it was nothing compared to him pushing deep inside her until she could barely take any more of his length. He pulled out and pushed in again and again tantalizingly slow as he picked up to a furious pace; pushing her into the mattress with his strength and weight. Hotch had only once passed by her small basket of toys on a high shelf as he changed a lightbulb she could reach in her closet. He didn’t spend much time looking at her things, it didn’t bother him that she had them; he was fully aware that it took women a lot more effort than it did him imagining y/n undressed and seated over his cock while in the shower. But now that Aaron was going to get a chance to see y/n move with her own pleasure in mind, he was more interested to see how she acted and what she liked.

After a moment and some shifting from the closet, y/n returned with a vibrator. y/n set back down on the bed. She knew she was going to have to go wash the sheets after this, but it didn’t matter. They’d be fresh when Aaron came back at least. y/n felt a small pang that he wasn’t here in person right now but pushed it aside to focus on the fact that he was still there just on a screen. Hotch watched as y/n settled on her back and tipped the laptop so he could see her face a bit of her lower body, but getting the angle right seemed difficult for Aaron to see all of her. y/n turned on the wand pressed the head to her still hard nipples and let the vibrations course through her sensitive skin. y/n let out another moan before turning to Aaron and asking, “How are you doing baby? Are you feeling good?” Hotch nodded, absolutely absorbed by y/n’s every movement. He was working almost on autopilot now, but the feeling of precum on his left hand as he moved it up and down reminded him that he needed to pace himself. He cleared his throat and replied, “Good y/n. I feel so good watching you like that. Why don’t you take it slow y/n. You don’t need to rush. Do what feels good for you.” y/n nodded and a wistful smile played on her face as she saw the need in Aaron’s eyes and the way the tip of his dick was red and needy.

y/n pushed the head of her vibrator between her fold and slid it up her clit. The vibrations sent a jolt through her and Aaron watched as her face changed to one of concentration and pleasure as her body twitched. y/n increased her moans and she moved more to try and find the right spot to orgasm. y/n clicked up the intensity on her toy and looked as Aaron started moving his hand faster. y/n took a few minutes to run her toy up and down her pussy as her juices dripped onto the sheets. y/n was getting tired of getting close to the edge and losing it. Aaron watched with sympathy as her face focused on her task. He knew if he was there, he could help her get over the edge with his mouth, hands, and cock. He grunted slightly as he almost spilled over the edge. y/n pulled her toy off her body and slumped back on the bed. It felt good, and y/n had come in the past with the toy, but somehow having Aaron watching her seemed to affect her. y/n caught her breath and said, “Aaron, I don’t know if I can do it right now.” She sat up and Hotch’s eyes moved over her body that he could tell was tense for release. Hotch stopped touching himself again and said, “Sweetheart, would you try once more? What if I told you what I would do if I was there? Do you have a dildo baby? You can pretend I’m right there with you.”

y/n considered this for a moment and said, “Okay, I’ll try, but you must be so close. You look like it, Aaron. Do you want to get off first? I don’t mind.” Hotch chuckled and said, “It’s okay, y/n. Once I touch myself again I’ll come, but I can wait a moment. I might not be able to hold it until you climax, but I want you to have that rush that I can give you.” y/n nodded and got off the bed again. She pulled out her favorite dildo, which she never expected to be used in front of Aaron, and moved back to the bed. y/n felt for a moment like hiding it behind her back, but he didn’t. Aaron looked at y/n’s choice. The new toy was flesh-colored and not as wide as he was. For some reason, this gave him a small surge of pride which he realized was very silly. Nevertheless, he smiled. y/n got back on the bed and Hotch said, “Darling, why don’t you put the computer at the foot of the bed? Then you won’t have to worry about how you look or if I’m watching. You can relax and it will just be my voice here with you.” y/n quirker her head and asked, “You don’t mind that?” Aaron gave her that little toothy grin that y/n loved and she felt fully relaxed and confident again. y/n was going to give herself a hard time that this wasn’t easy and she kept feeling self-conscious, but she reminded herself that this was the first time either of them had done this and it was highly sensitive and just based on that, they were both doing well. y/n took a breath, set the toy down, and repositioned the laptop at the other end of the bed.

y/n lay back down with an exhilaration of breath and tried to let all of the stress go. Aaron could see her body relax and he replied, “That’s good, sweetheart. You look so pretty with your legs open like that and your pussy so swollen from teasing yourself.” Hotch swallowed before continuing, “y/n, are you ready to start with the toy or do you need some time.” y/n shyly replied, “I’m ready, Aaron.” Hotch smiled and said, “Good girl. Now just picture me there and run the head of your dildo up and down to get it nice and wet.” y/n did as he said and touched the tip to her cunt and moved it up and down. It wasn’t the same as Aaron, but picturing him doing this to her made her say his name aloud and Hotch said, “Yes. that’s it. Just say my name baby.” Aaron made y/n stroke herself a few more times before saying, “Now y/n, just put the tip in for me. I know you’re sensitive, but just push in a little and pull out for me.” He watched as y/n did as he said, his view was beautiful to see between her legs like this and watched y/n’s folds open as she slid the toy inside herself slowly. Aaron bit down on his lip to stop the loud groan from escaping his lips. Hotch told y/n “Now run it back over your clit again y/n, and when you feel ready put it back in as deep as you like. If it was me I’d slide myself deep into you.” Without thinking y/n slid the dildo back to her opening and pushed it all the way in herself. There was a small sting as the toy opened her up, but it felt so good pushing her walls open.

Aaron started pumping himself again and he knew he was going to cum as y/n started pushing the toy in and out of herself at a steady pace. Aaron matched his hand to her rhythm and said, “Ugh, y/n you’re so hot like this. Just pleasing yourself like that.” The pair worked in tandem for a minute and Hotch couldn’t hold back anymore. “I’m going to finish y/n. Ugh. Hmmm. I…I love you so much. You’re so… good for me.” Aaron moaned as his hand reached his tip again and his cum spilled out the top and over his hand in warm, sticky waves. His hips stuttered and his breathing hitched as he let go. Aaron’s sounds of release had y/n pushing her dildo faster and deeper inside of her. Hotch took a few moments to compose himself and wipe his hand over his thigh. y/n’s noises and the sound of her toy dipping deep in her wetness were louder. Hotch could tell she was engrossed and her body was nearly ready for her. He didn’t want to break her flow, but he decided to say, “y/n, slip your free hand to your clit and circle it until you can’t take it anymore baby.” y/n’s hand slipped between her folds and as soon as the tips of her middle and pointer fingers hit her bundle of nerves her legs started shaking and she let out a breathy, “Aaron.” Hotch nodded and replied in a low voice, “That’s it. Just keep touching yourself. It will just be a moment darling. Pretend my fingers are circling your clit and I’m pressing into you so deep.” Aaron’s words were all it took for y/n to press her slick fingers onto her clit and push the dildo into the base which hit her spot. y/n let out a loud, “Fuck. Agh Fuck Aaron.” Hotch watched her body, covered in a sweat writhe with bliss as her legs closed and pulled the dildo deeper inside her.

Waves of heat poured over y/n again and again like she was drowning for a moment. After the feelings subsided she relaxed back onto the bed which was slightly wet from her sweat. The cool feeling, though slightly gross did cool her body and mind down. She pulled out her toy and set them on the bed sheets which she would wash in a few minutes. y/n rolled onto her stomach so she could see Aaron’s flushed cheeks and wild eyes after he came down from his orgasm. She smiled at his blissed-out expression. y/n was sure she looked the same with her hair messed up and her stray ends everywhere. She cleared her throat and said, “Well that was something.” Hotch chuckled and said, “It sure was. Are you feeling okay. Was it alright for you?” y/n loved the attention that Aaron gave to her aftercare if not physically then always emotionally checking in. Sometimes when they got absorbed at the moment they went all in losing control of the other and he always checked in with her afterward. Of course, it would be no different over the computer. y/n nodded and said, “It was good. Thank you for suggesting this. It made me realize just how much I miss having you here. I’m excited for the real thing. So I hope you’re ready when you walk in that door whenever you come back tomorrow.” Aaron flashed her a toothy grin and replied, “Thank you for trying something new with me love, and don’t you worry. I’ll be ready.” y/n looked at the sheets and sighed before saying, “I guess I’m going to put these in the wash and take a shower to clean up. What will you do now, Aaron?” Hotch took a moment to think and said “I’ll shower and change. Emily got me some food when the team went out, so I’ll get that and eat and then sleep. But I’ll text you before then. Also, check the freezer, I got your favorite flavor of ice cream. I assumed I’d be there to share it with you, but it’s all yours baby.” y/n giggled at Aaron and how well he knew her. After they had sex she had a penchant for wanting a snack and the fact that he’d pre-bought her a sweet treat warmed her heart.

They both hung up shortly after this and spent the rest of the night thinking about the other until they went to bed. The next day the jet was fixed and everyone happily piled inside. As Aaron took his seat, y/n’s words rushed through him and his body started to react. He cleared his throat and pulled one of his files over his groin to hide his growing erection. He tipped his head back and couldn’t wait to be home. Together he and y/n would be sated in the most adoring way possible, and he was going to dream about it every minute of the ride home until it happened for real.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

Note

AITA for being frustrated with my dad's procrastination and finally calling him out on it?

I (25 f) live with my dad (50ish? Too mad at him rn to check, m) because of mental illness rendering me unable to work due to lack of treatment, until now.

Recently, after I had to be taken to the emergency room for a ruptured ovarian cyst that I'd needed checked out for years prior to it popping, I decided on a whim to bring up my mental illness during the follow-up with my doctor, which put me on a very fast track to getting diagnosed with severe ADHD and prescribed medication (more specifically 5 mg of Adderall twice daily). And let me tell you, holy shit, it was like a miracle, I didn't even know medication could act that fast.

Well, long story short, it fixed my time blindness and made me consciously aware of my dad's long-standing bad habit of perpetually putting things off until "next weekend", affecting several major things both recently and not, including my ovarian cyst that I knew I had for years but couldn't go to the doctor for on my own because my car was perpetually in use by my sister or broken down, picking up my prescribed medication for said ovarian cyst because my car broke down ages ago and he never taught me to drive a stick, fixing my car or paying someone to do it for that matter (I can't afford it on my own), teaching me to drive in the first place when I came of driving age, my prior autism diagnosis (which itself took years to ever get done), several attempts at homeschooling that fell apart because we both forgot about it simultaneously, at least one broken bone that I can remember, and yes, the ADHD that I could only get diagnosed because I piggy backed off of an actual medical emergency.

Needless to say, I am not happy about that, so with my new executive function in hand, I confronted him. I basically laid out that I didn't think it was normal to procrastinate that badly for years and that he should consider getting evaluated for ADHD too because it's hereditary and I had to get it from somewhere, and added that if they put him on Adderall too it might help him write his book.

However, my dad accused me of talking like an addict (it's only day 2) and threatened to call the doctor and make him change the dose or take me off Adderall (my dad can't do that and I'm contractually obligated to stop him if he tries). When I pointed out that the dose I was given isn't even remotely enough to cause an addiction this early and that it felt like he was upset with me for being able to confront him now, he told me to back off and that I was acting like a jerk, and he demanded I talk with my doctor about alternatives (my doctor very specifically had me start on Adderall because he didn't think anything else would be effective--and given my understanding is that the alternatives would make every other brain function as bad as my memory and executive function so they're not as bad in comparison and not even fix the lethargy and excessive sleeping, uh, I think I agree). Note, he doesn't usually act like this at all.

I know that Adderall's side effects include irritability and I've always been bad at self-evaluation when I'm mad, so I've decided to take to the Internet to ask--aita?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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stirthewaters · 1 year

Text

Spiders

Summary: After staying up to study for finals, your immune system fails horribly and you find yourself awake at night, alone, and in need of some serious assistance. Guess who comes to help?

Warnings: Minor angst

Word Count: About 1k?

(This was originally going to be named Stay but I changed the name due to context. Send in requests besties <3)

______________________________________________________________

Wednesday was never one for comfort. Or reassurance. When it had come to that it always repulsed her and she was not one to give in to foolish coddling. But...when it came to you...well...it was somehow different. Though she'd impale her heart on a rusty nail before admitting it aloud, when it came to comforting you it made her feel like there were spiders in her stomach, which, normally would be a sensation she'd welcome, but this time it was unpleasant. And not in the good way.

This week had been an especially rough week for you. Not that you had said it aloud, but she had noticed. Finals were approaching and you had done the foolish thing you did almost every time something important came up; you procrastinated. Hard.

It made Wednesday want to chain you to your desk to actually make you study whenever she saw you goofing off with Enid and Yoko in the quad instead of being in the library like you knew you should've been. You were always laughing or smiling, and the sight made those dreaded spiders return without fail every time.

It was during a hazy fall afternoon, about two or three days before finals that she finally decided to take matters into her own hands.

She approached you; you were in the dining hall, goofing off as usual. Not that that was important. You were eating a yogurt parfait while currently challenging Ajax to see who could eat the most blueberries in one sitting. She rolled her eyes. Typical.

"Y/N," Wednesday folded her arms over her chest.

"Oh, hey Wednesday," you responded automatically, eyes currently fixed on Ajax who was literally stuffing himself with blueberries. She stifled an impatient sigh. "Why aren't you studying?" she raised an eyebrow.

"I've got plenty of time."

This made Wednesday frown just slightly, and she had to stifle the urge to grab your chin and make you look at her.

"You have two days, Y/N. Do you have any care at all for your academics?"

This made you pause your redundant laughing and turn and look at her. Though your eyes still sparkled with laughter, you looked a tad more serious, which, she had to admit, was much appreciated. Her look softened almost imperceptibly, but her expression remained deadpan and firm. "I'll just cram," you responded with a little bit of a shrug. The spiders came back again; she wanted to smack you for making her feel this way.

"You'll overwork yourself. Go study. I'm sure Ajax has better things to do with his time then stuff himself," she said, not taking her eyes off of you. She wanted to smirk when she saw Ajax nearly choke on the blueberries.

And with a meaningful and stern glance at you, she turned on her heel and left.

______________________________________________________________

You were panicking. You were such an idiot. You knew that you should've been studying, but finals are tomorrow and you haven't so much as looked at a textbook up until now. It was about 10:45 and now that most of the students were already asleep in their dorms, you were in yours, pacing and fretting.

You couldn't say you hadn't been warned. Hell, even Enid had scolded you when she was finally a little fed up with your procrastinating. But still, you wanted to literally punch a wall for the amount of negligence you had shown.

Gritting your teeth, you got off your small bed in your dorm and pulled out the textbooks that you should've been looking over, placing them on your desk and putting some tunes on your phone to help the motivation. Things were off to a good start.

For about the first five minutes. You were the type to be easily distracted. You didn't have ADHD, but if you weren't having a good time or enjoying yourself it was often hard for you to actually focus. And, to be fair, you had tried hard to actually understand the words on the textbook but it was getting harder when you were so tired and bored that you almost wished you'd just pass out right then and there.

Hours passed. You realized with a small grimace that you were going to have to pull an all-nighter. Sighing, you returned to the textbooks, really only actually focusing for a span of five minutes at a time. In between you'd just browse on your phone and watch Youtube Shorts or something.

______________________________________________________________

Wednesday took one look at you the next morning and she knew. She knew. You hadn't taken her advice and you had stayed up all night. Though not a lot of people would be able to notice, she knew all your tells and she could see by the lack of anxious fidgeting, the tired look in your eyes, and your slow movements that you were exhausted. And she decided to test this theory; she knew it was a bit sadistic but she was never one to shy away from a scientific experiment.

"Y/N." She greeted you in the dining hall; it was midday and you had a break between classes before heading back in for more. She smirked only faintly when you raised your head with a sleepy nod. "Hey." "Did you do well?" She was never one to dance around with meaningless small chat.

"Ummm...maybe? I dunno," came the sleepy and unsatisfying response.

"Y/N. Focus. Did. You. Do. Well?"

When your eyes narrowed in actual concentration, she had to hand it to you that it was somewhat...cute...to see you struggling to answer correctly. It made her want to drive nails into her skull until the sweet release of losing her eardrums came upon her.

"I think so," you responded. Your voice was actually a little slurred, and your head dropped back down onto your forearms as you dozed a little. She gave a small impatient sigh, before sitting down next to you on the bench. "Show me." In response you pulled out the exams you had finished so far, placing the papers in front of you. She raised an eyebrow in surprise when she saw that you actually had decent marks. An A+ here, the occasional C+, mostly B's. She couldn't help but feel a little bit impressed that despite your foolish procrastination you had actually pulled through an all-nighter and come out of it with tolerable scores. Not that she would ever approve of it.

And those damn spiders came crawling back when she saw your sleepy and proud smile when you saw her reaction to the scores. God, she wanted to stab something until it stopped moving, those spiders. They made her miserable.

So technically it wasn't too bad.

______________________________________________________________

Your health was on the downhill. Unfortunately. You knew that taking an all-nighter would have a negative effect on your health but you didn't expect it to happen this fast. You considered it an 80/20 situation in the case of you getting sick.

The first day you had a sore throat. Nothing bad. You considered it to be just a coincidence.

But tonight, damnit, everything was going hard and you wanted to literally take the whole bottle of melatonin and down it. It wasn't that you hadn't already tried taking meds. You had taken the required dosage of benadryl and melatonin, but they were not having the required effect.

Your throat was aching, and there was this awful bile in your throat that was causing blockage and making you so damn nauseous that you were scared half out of your mind that you were going to throw up.

You stumbled to your feet, sighing with a bit of relief at the release from the stifling blankets as you walked to your window, opening it all the way. You let out a hoarse exhale of even more relief when you felt the bitter cold draft envelope your body and the heat being driven out a little bit.

With that taken care of, you grabbed the bottles of sleep meds and took more than the required dosage. Normally you had been known to do stupid things; hell, you'd once taken a sip of the ChikFilA drink you found in the fishing section of a Walmart, but when you were sleep-deprived and most likely feverous, it was even worse.

After taking the pills, you let out a soft groan as you crawled back into bed. Or, tried to. The once heavenly draft had turned too cold for your comfort, and your bones ached with every fiber of your being and this wave of tiredness washed over you. Sinking to the floor, you rested on the cold floorboards against the frame of your bed, eyes half closed with the mixed effect of the meds and the overall exhaustion.

And so the night wore on. ______________________________________________________________

Wednesday was, admittedly, asleep in her and Enid's shared dorm when she was awoken to a frantic tapping on her shoulder. Instantly her wrist whipped out and grabbed the disembodied hand. Thing.

"Speak now or I'll cut off your fingers one at a time. Slowly."

She frowned as she watched Thing tap out a mess of signals in a blur. "Slow down," she hissed, her voice low so as not to wake Enid.

Thing slowed down his tapping but the signals were still fast paced.

"Y/N? What's wrong with her?"

Thing continued signing.

She let out a frustrated sigh through her nose, taking a deep breath to stifle the utterly disgusting emotion of concern she had momentarily experienced.

Without a word, she stood up from her bed, pulled on her jacket, and crept out of the dorm, onto the balcony.

______________________________________________________________

"Y/N."

You barely registered that someone was speaking to you when you heard a muffled voice above you. Opening your eyes that wished to remain glued shut, your eyes widened when you saw Wednesday crouching on the floor next to you and you almost reared backward with visible surprise. You were almost grateful for the fact that your cheeks were already flushed with heat, because if they weren't then you'd be blushing like an idiot.

"In bed. Now."

"Wednesday? What are you-?" You struggled to understand why she was here, when you felt a gentle but firm cold hand enclose with yours as she dragged you onto your feet and then gently pushed you onto the bed.

Almost instantly you let out a soft whine, trying to push yourself out of the hot blankets, mumbling soft protests about the temperature. Without even a word, Wednesday knelt by her black backpack, pulling out a small icepack. With a cold and gentle hand, she lifted your head just slightly by the back of your neck and placed it underneath. You let out a soft inhale at the cool shiver that trembled down your spine before your stiff posture relaxed slightly and you leaned into it.

"Wednesday, I'm sorry-" you started, voice a little shaky despite the fever. She responded by simply giving you a look that told you to shut up and said quietly. "I know."

She took one look at the bottles of sleep meds on your bedstand and frowned just slightly before turning back to you.

"How many did you take?"

You sleepily let out a small mumble of "three", which made no sense to her but she couldn't blame you; you were exhausted and feverish and could barely comprehend anything right now. It made her cold heart twist a little.

She opened her backpack again and retrieved the bottle of ibuprofen and another of Tylenol. Her gaze shifted to the already half-drunken bottle of water accompanying the sleep meds and took it as well, emptying some of the pills onto her palm which she then offered to you. "Take them. Now." You sleepily obliged, reaching for the pills with a shaky hand. She frowned a little at the shakiness of it, and instead cupped your chin, tilting you head up just slightly. "Open your mouth." She quickly and easily slipped the pills inside and without hesitation brought the bottle to your lips, ignoring your flustered and half-awake protests.

"Drink." She watched carefully as you washed the pills down, and once done she took her hands away, noticing the faint spark of disappointment in your eyes when she did so.

Placing the water bottle and bottles of pills on your nightstand, she let out a faint sigh and gave a nod of approval to see that now you were in a much stabler condition. You were already drifting off. She turned to leave but stopped when she heard a soft whine come from you.

Turning slowly, she looked at you, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "What do you want?"

She watched as you simply held out your arms a little bit, as if asking to be held. Her gaze softened; it was imperceptible and subtle, and you surely hadn't noticed due to the state you were in as she stepped a little closer to the bed. "Use your words."

She couldn't ignore the spiders in her chest that were getting worse when she saw your blush as she spoke.

"Please stay," you mumbled sleepily, eyes half-open. "Sleep with me?" She couldn't not admire your boldness at just coming out and asking, and her gaze softened again, damnit. She slipped off her jacket, throwing it over the chair in the corner of the small dorm as she responded. "Just this once."

She felt the spiders get worse when she saw the obvious relief and bit of happiness on your face as she sat down on the bed next to you and knelt over, taking off her shoes and sliding them under the bed before pulling the covers under both of you.

She stiffened momentarily when she felt you sleepily and automatically start to nestle yourself into her, and she oh so slowly put her arms around you, pulling your flushed body against her cold one. She let out a soft sigh when she saw your body relax greatly and you almost instantly started to drift off.

And those damn spiders didn't leave for the whole night. (

Comment y'alls feedback I like the thoughts on my work :>)

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agent-cupcake · 8 months

Text

Éphémère

I’ve been attempting to fill short kinktober prompts with the Final Fantasy XIV cast to procrastinate the larger project I've been doing. We’ll see where it goes. Most of them are AU's of some kind idk.

Pairing: Aymeric de Borel x f!Reader Kink: Semi-public / Blowjob Tags: Explicit, light D/s dynamic, alternate universe: modern Word Count: 2.7k

“What are you doing here?” Aymeric asked, his blue eyes widening with surprise upon seeing who had been knocking. You hadn’t called, although you should have. You didn’t want to risk being turned away, to be told you couldn’t steal a few precious moments from his busy life. Besides, you had a good cause this time.

Given that your hands were full, you shut the door with your foot. His office was the same as ever. It was not quite as grand as someone might expect, clearly inhabited by somebody who favored efficiency over aesthetics. The air smelled like him and the corporate scent of floor polish and new upholstery. While the blinds covering the windows facing Ishgard were wide open, those over the windows looking into the main office space were closed. It gave a very strong illusion of isolation and intimacy, like it was just you and him. Emboldened by that thought, you fixed Aymeric with as serious a stare as you could.

“I heard that you’re working way too hard, and that your staff is worried about you,” you said, having decided upon a cold open approach so he couldn’t wriggle out of your accusations. “I’ve even heard that it’s putting you in a bad mood. The men are losing morale.” You waited a beat for his response, but he just looked at you, completely befuddled. Eventually, you prompted him with a prodding,“So?”

“So… what?” Aymeric asked.

“Is any of that true?”

“True?” he repeated, his dark eyebrows pinching in the middle. “Ah, no… No, it is not.” Aymeric finally forced a reassuring smile. He wasn’t very good at faking. “I appreciate the concern, but I am fine.” You gave him a doubtful look, slowly meandering over to his cluttered desk. There was nothing to be said, you both knew that you were right. He could try to downplay it all he liked, but even Aymeric had his limits. He sighed. “I cannot afford to take a break yet. I promise to rest once this matter is resolved. Perhaps I’ll take a day off. We’ll go somewhere—anywhere you wish.”

“We won’t be going anywhere after you work yourself into a nervous breakdown,” you told him flatly.

“Please, don’t say such things. I promise that I will be fine.”

You sighed. “Either way, I brought you something to eat,” you said, setting the bag of takeout on the tiny bit of space left on his desk. “I had a feeling you skipped lunch.”

“Lunch?” he asked, brow furrowing. “What time is it?”

“Past lunch.”

“I see. I must have lost track of the time, I… Thank you.” He placed a hand over yours and smiled, a real smile, and you felt your chest clench. Even overworked and exhausted, he was beautiful. Far more beautiful than any man had a right to be. “I dare not consider where I might be without you.”

You smiled, even knowing it was a platitude. He was the most resilient person you had ever met, and one of the most solitary. Aymeric would be just as okay on his own as with you, but you liked the idea that he needed you, if only for a fleeting moment. You liked to think that there was something only you could give him, something of value.

And, just like that, you came to the conclusion that he didn’t look like he needed a meal. He looked taut as a bow string and ready to snap, he looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He looked like he needed a bit more than lunch.

“Hey, while I’m here, maybe…” you began, faltering with embarrassment as you tried to figure out the best way to phrase it.

“Is there something else?”

“I know there’s nothing I can say to make you take a break so I won’t ask. Still, I want to do something to brighten your day and honestly you look like you could use a pick-me-up,” you blurted out, speaking fast to keep your nerve. “I’ve thought about it before and I’m pretty sure I can fit under your desk,” you said, leaning forward to double check. Yeah, there was plenty of room. Three cheers for long legs. “Think of it as stress relief. Like a massage or something but, you know, with my mouth. What do you think?”

Done with your awkward proposition, you looked back up at Aymeric with as innocent an expression as you could manage, meeting his eyes as if you hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary. It was always hard to predict how he might react to any given situation, mostly it was a question of whether or not his Catholic guilt and relentless sense of propriety would win out, but you pretty well expected the way his mouth snapped shut, a muscle in his jaw ticking as his entire body went taut.

And then slowly, carefully, “Are you…”

“Offering to give you head in your office at three in the afternoon on a Thursday?” you finished for him. “Um… Yeah, I guess I am.”

“I… I don’t think… That is,” he cleared his throat, “obscenity of that sort would be extremely inappropriate for a man in my position.”

“C’mon, are you going to tell me that you’ve never thought about it? Doing secret, naughty things is the best part of getting a big, isolated office with a big, roomy desk. Or so I’ve been told.”

Aymeric swallowed hard, his eyes flicking to the door and back. “Even if I were comfortable with such an egregious breach in etiquette, it would be wrong of me to do so while everyone else is working so hard.”

“You’re looking at it all wrong,” you argued. “If you work while you’re super stressed out, you won’t do as well, and you act all grumpy, and everybody is unhappy. If you take a teensy tiny little break to let me help you relax, you’ll work better, be nicer, and everybody will be happy... If you need an excuse, you can blame it all on me. You can say you got lured in by the irresistible charm of a succubus who would simply not take no for an answer.”

He let out a single laugh, dry and nervous and humorless. “Is there any truth in that?”

“I am pretty insatiable when it comes to you.”

Aymeric reached up to take hold of your chin, gently pulling your face towards his so you had no choice but to meet his eyes. And you knew that look. Conflict. Doubt. Desire.

“If you don’t want to, I’ll let it go,” you said. “But if it would make you feel better, I want to. I’d do anything… sir.”

Aymeric’s expression hardened, his eyes darkening a shade, and it was a stare that demanded your submission. It was the kind of look that was usually followed with orders like remove your clothes or don’t move unless I say or open your legs or-

“Get on your knees.” Even half whispered, even though he always left enough space in his demands for you to deny him if you were truly uncomfortable, that wasn’t the sort of order you turned down.

“Okay,” you said, your voice soft. His fingers squeezed your jaw a little bit tighter, his eyebrow raising ever so slightly. “Yes, sir,” you amended. Aymeric released your face and leaned back, watching as you fell to your knees. Although there was enough space under his desk for you to fit, crawling under it was kind of awkward. Good thing your skirt was flared, scrambling around like this in anything tight would have been impossible.

“Is that okay?” he asked. “Should I move back?”

“No, sir. This is…” You breathed out, steadying yourself. “Perfect.”

Knowing you had a time limit, you undid his belt and the button of his pants, slowly pulling the zipper down. Aymeric was kind enough to shift his hips so you could push his trousers down and out of the way. Wanting to savor things at least a little, you traced the outline of his dick through the dark boxer briefs, feeling him harden beneath your touch. Aymeric’s hips shifted and he cleared his throat, prompting you to slip your fingers beneath the waistband to pull those down too.

He wasn’t hard yet, but the choked noise Aymeric made and the way his hips jumped forward when you began to stroke his cock made you think that he wanted this at least almost as much as you did. He caught himself quickly afterwards. Always playing the stoic.

You realized early on in the relationship that, power dynamic notwithstanding, Aymeric was not the type of man to demand things of you sexually, at least not for his own pleasure. There was an element of trial and error to figure out what worked. It was all pretty complicated. So was he, for that matter. Pretty and complicated.

Continuing to stroke the base, you paid your respects, kissing and licking your way across his cock. Every inch of him was perfect, though you could admit a preference for this particular part. Perfect, and, as you liked to think in your wildest moments, yours. Alternating between using just the tip of your tongue and the flat, you traced the veins running the length of his dick, following one along the underside until you reached the head, lavishing extra attention at the point where they met. You knew that got him, one of his hands finally finding its way to the top of your head. Humming happily, you did it again before pulling back to swirl your tongue around the swollen crown. His fingers curled against your scalp, not grabbing or pushing, but very insistently there.

Now that Aymeric was fully hard, you couldn’t help but think about what he felt like inside of you. How full, how complete you were when he fucked you. The mere thought of it was enough to make you moan shakily, wrapping your lips around his cock and pushing forward, sucking and licking enthusiastically in the hopes that he would be able to feel your arousal. Your appreciation, your affection, your adoration.

That wasn’t something you ever told him, not with words. You knew better than to distract him with too many of your feelings. He was so busy all the time, distant in a way that often left you cold. Not because he was cruel, or unfeeling, but because he lived in service to others, to lead, there was only so much of himself that he could give. Scraps, moments, little fragments of the most magnificent man you’d ever known. And he had been clear about that from the start. You made peace with it. For such a self-sacrificing man, the very least you could do was live in his service. If it was Aymeric, you didn’t mind so much.

Finding a pace and rhythm that worked took a moment of experimentation, getting your hand and mouth to work together. Plus, you were trying to be quiet, and clean. That’s how these office affairs went, right? Top secret stuff. Aymeric’s hips pushed forward, throwing you off.

“You needn’t hold yourself back,” he told you, his voice slightly muffled from above. “The walls are quite thick and-” he sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth. “I know you can do better.”

You hummed in understanding, although it probably didn’t sound like much with his cock in your mouth. It was one of Aymeric’s many contradictions. No matter how neat and put-together he always was, nights with him often ended with you teary eyed and dripping with sweat, your thighs slick with cum and saliva leaking from your open mouth, blissed out and sloppy. He wanted to know that you were enjoying yourself so much that you’d be reduced to a swooning, helpless mess. And still, he insisted he wasn’t any sort of sadist. Pretty, complicated, and terribly repressed.

You gave him what he wanted. It sounded obscene, wet slurping and your little choked moans stifled by his cock, the slick back and forth of your hand working the base, the movements smoothed by your saliva. It was already messy enough to be dripping down your chin and onto your skirt. Probably onto his expensive trousers. He had spare suits at the office though, it was fine.

“If you’re going to hump my leg, move your skirt out of the way,” Aymeric said. Embarrassing, although he said it with a measure of warmth.

You stopped, pulling off with a slick pop and a shaky laugh. In your haze, you hadn’t even been aware of what your body was doing. “Ss-sorry, sir. I didn’t…”

“That wasn't a request.” You couldn’t see him, but you could imagine the imperious set of his sharp features, the way his perfect lips blushed dark pink and parted when he was turned on, how his inky dark eyelashes would flutter open so he could look at you with those gorgeous eyes.

You whimpered, a sound you couldn’t help. A bit awkwardly, you hiked your skirt out of the way, shuffling a little closer so you could better grind against his leg.

“Good girl,” he murmured softly. Sweetly, using the hand on your head to pet your hair. You shuddered hard, raising your chin and opening your mouth. Aymeric met you halfway, his hips pushing forward while you moved down, your saliva-slick hand jerking him off in tandem with each bob of your head.

Now that you were actively trying, the pressure between your legs was intoxicating. You wondered how much he could feel with the heavy fabric of his trousers in the way, if he was aware of how hot you burned for him, how wet every little catch of his breath or groan he couldn’t hold back left you. The friction wasn’t enough, but it was good. At this point, he was practically hitting the back of your throat with each thrust, and you couldn’t tell who was guiding the pace. It was all you could do to sneak in a breath here and there, to remember to use your tongue, to try and keep your voice down as you well and truly lost yourself in the hazy depths of lust and need, shamelessly grinding against his leg.

Aymeric clearly wasn’t concerned about volume control at all, the office was filled with wet squishing choking noises and your muffled moans. His breathing had become erratic and you could hear the low groans he tried to fight back. You wanted him to come. Desperately, desperately. You wanted to make him feel good, to make him relax, to narrow down his world until it was only you and him and the pleasure he could derive from you. You wanted him to throw you onto his desk and fuck you until you were screaming, to claim you because, God help you, you were his. Not just for a fleeting moment, a single afternoon, a day off, but always. Every second of every day, his.

“I… can’t…” was the only hoarse warning you got before his hips stuttered, his hand holding your head in place as he came. You braced yourself to take it. For any other guy you wouldn’t have, but Aymeric...

Aymeric. Every part of him was perfect, you would take anything he gave to you.

He moaned so prettily, even if he tried to muffle it, the sounds stuttered and choked. You swallowed and swallowed and swallowed, desperate to prove yourself, to take whatever he saw fit to give you. To be his good girl.

And then he stilled, his hand relaxing. His cock twitched in your mouth, and you pulled back with an unseemly amount of saliva. Like you thought, most of it was on your skirt. Not to mention your sore knees, stiff legs, and the lingering taste of cum in your mouth that was not nearly as pleasant when the act was finished. You needed to get up, the moment was over. He needed to get back to work. But, selfishly stealing a few more precious seconds, you rested your forehead against Aymeric’s knee, and he petted your head, and you let your eyes close. Just for a moment.

#aymeric de borel #ser aymeric #ffxiv aymeric #aymeric de borel x reader #ser aymeric x reader #ffxiv #final fantasy 14 #not sfw #this is very wholesome guys #he deserves it

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n0v4t33z · 3 months

Text

The Piece of Eight - Assimilate and Assault

Pairings: Capt. Hongjoong X Female Reader , Crewmate San x Female Reader (Overall not chapter specific)

Genre: Pirate AU, Romance, historical-ish (not really), Action, Angst, Non-Idol AU

Word Count: 5.1k

Tags/Warnings: For Mature Audiences, Violence, Language, mentions of blood and gore, Highly Suggestive at times (This is a warning for the whole story overall)

Chapter specific: Some suggestive conversations?, straight up violence for some of it (HERE'S YOUR WARNING IF YOU DON'T LIKE GRAPHIC VIOLENCE), enemy says vulgar shit to y/n, lots of blood, y/n's PTSD makes a small appearence, Mingi being a little weird (let me know if there's anything else)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

Spotify Playlist ⚓ | Masterlist 🏴‍☠️

Author's Note 💌: Hi I finally had some time to edit and post this lol it's very short but it gives you a peek into MC's first day with the teezers. Also I had to change the color scheme bc Tumblr wanted to be mean and remove the yellow text option so I chose orange bc ateez. Tbh I've been so tired from work I've been procrastinating editing this and i've just been working on the most recent chapter of the story which is easy writing but I decided I need to at least post something so I hope you enjoy this chapter and please look forward to the next one! - N 🌙

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A few hours later I wake up and it’s dark. Eledonia was also now gone from the horizon and as I look around at the endless dark sea I realize a blanket is wrapped around me.

It was most likely Seonghwa since Hongjoong did say he’d be coming by later to show me to my room. I keep my gaze fixed in the direction of Eledonia and now is when it sinks in that I will not be seeing my family in awhile. I sit there welling up in my own thoughts until a gentle tap on my shoulder disturbs them, it was Seonghwa.

He gives me a soft smile and says “Hey, you’re awake now. Let me show you to your room so you can sleep comfortably.”

I get up and he helps me with my bag while I silently follow behind him with the blanket still wrapped around me since It was quite chilly. We walk down to the crew’s quarters which is located towards the front of the ship. I walk down and I notice nothing was separated, everyone was sleeping in the same room.

I could see six figures fast asleep in their own beds then Seonghwa leans over and whispers “Go ahead and sleep on my bed, I’ll be keeping watch tonight up in the crow’s nest so I won’t be using my bed. Don’t mind everyone else, sleep well okay?”

He sets down my things next to his bed and gives me a smile and a nod goodbye. After I’ve quietly settled down on Seonghwa’s bed I notice it’s quite comfortable, more than mine back at home. Which led to me falling asleep pretty quickly.

In the morning I’m woken up with voices, all of them belonged to the six figures on the beds last night which obviously belong to my crew mates. Since I have a habit of sleeping with a blanket over my head I lay perfectly still and pretend to be asleep then I hear someone say “That’s not Seonghwa. Is that y/n? The Captain’s new protector?”

For some reason I’m terrified now that I’ve made my existence known. Someone then answers “Nah I don’t think it’s her, why would she be sleeping in here? I’m sure that’s probably Seonghwa being lazy.”

Suddenly, something presumably a pillow is thrown at me followed by “Get up Seonghwa or you’re not getting any breakfast!” Followed by someone pulling the blanket from over my head harshly then complete silence.

I open my eyes and and realize 6 men standing around the bed I’m laying on with some of them with their mouths agape. Then someone says “What the fuck? She’s sleeping in Seonghwa’s bed?”

Slightly irritated from how embarrassed I was I sit there in silence glaring at them. Followed by Mingi chuckling then reaching over to grab my arm “Hey let’s g-” Before he’s even able to finish his sentence I grab his wrist and twist it “Don’t touch me.”

Immediately he pulls his hand away and massages his wrist and says “She’s feisty.” The man with puppy like features looks over at the blue haired male “Mingi stop..”

I throw the pillow at Mingi who gets bonked in the head then manages to catch it “Look, just- can you understand how I was woken up? Like that was such an aggressive and rude way to wake up it was so uncalled for so, can you blame me? Especially your so called superior, you’re really going to disrespect him like that?”

San looks over at Mingi says “I agree with her, that was rude. Especially towards someone who’s not used to the way we play around”

Mingi playfully punches San in the arm “Loosen up San, it was a joke.” San turns and looks over at Mingi with a glare.

Wooyoung raises his eyebrow “Wait, so are you really the Captain’s protector?” I bite the inside of my cheek “Yeah, otherwise what else would I be doing here.” Mingi responds “Our-” Yunho immediately covers his mouth “No, stop. Quiet, no”

Everyone else erupts in laughter. I roll my eyes then I get up and grab my backpack “If you’ll excuse me I need to change.” Wooyoung smiles “Sure.” Someone in the distance then says “You pissed her off, she was so nice the last time we saw her..”

I walk out of the crew quarters and It just so happened that Seonghwa was walking in that direction and I’m stopped in the middle of the hallway leading to the stairs to go back upstairs.

“Hey, I was just about to go wake you and introduce you to your other crew members.” I stay silent for a few seconds then I respond in a low voice “No thanks.”

Seonghwa grabs my arm “Wait, why not? What happened?” I shake my head and pull my arm away from his grasp “I’m going to change..”

I walk upstairs towards the deck to look around and head towards the room the Captain walked into last night. Surely he must be in there right?

I knock on the door and carefully enter the candle lit room “Captain?”

He glances over at me and removes his glasses “y/n? Good morning, I didn’t think you’d come here so early. I heard you stayed up pretty late.”

“I did, but I’m a light sleeper so I woke up pretty easily.” I sit on the leather chair in front of his desk softly squeaking from my weight.

“That reminds me, can I tell you something? I don’t want to be worrisome on my first day here but this just kind of bothers me.” Hongjoong nods giving me a concerned look “Did something happen?”

“Yeah kind of. Your crewmates are assholes, they threw a pillow at me thinking I was Seonghwa, is that really how they treat your first mate?”

Hongjoong lets out a small laugh “Well, yes but the respect is there don’t worry that’s just how they get along. As for the way you were woken up..” he trails off and lets out a sigh “I’m sorry about that, if you want you have my permission to scold them if they get on your nerves as they tend to have their moments of not being the most pleasant to be around.”

What? No way he’s letting me scold them?! Is that how much he trusts me? I mean it’s a given the man trusts me with his life, why wouldn’t he when it comes to just standing up for myself and straightening out a couple of grown brats…

”Oh, um. Thank you for that.” Hongjoong’s eyebrow slightly raises “Anything else?” I awkwardly stipple my fingers for a few moments “Um, do you have food? I’m kind of starving”

Hongjoong smiles “Yeah, second floor below deck. Breakfast should be going on right now. I’ll walk you there.” I look over at his desk and notice he’s writing something immediately feeling guilty for making him stand “oh, uh. No captain, it’s okay. I should learn my way around the ship by myself.”

Hongjoong hums and I continue “Besides, you’re busy doing Captain things..I really don’t want to bother you.” Hongjoong puts his black polished index finger on his lips and hushes me “I promise you’re not bothering me darling, I’m more than happy to show you around. I’ve got plenty of time.”

I stand up and smile “It’s okay Captain, I think it’s best for me to learn things on my own. You are the Captain after all, I’m sure you’re quite busy erm…Being a Captain.”

Hongjoong smirks then looks at me fondly “Alright, but in case you need someone to guide you Seonghwa and I are here. Don’t forget that.” I quietly nod then he continues “Once you’re done with breakfast go ahead and head over to the crow’s nest and keep watch. I’ll put you in charge of that. If you spot anything let Seonghwa know immediately. ”

Hongjoong reaches into the side drawer of his desk and hands me a golden spyglass “Thank you Captain, I will.”

I glance down at it then back up at him where he then motions for me to leave “Alright, go. If you need anything Seonghwa will be there to assist.”

I bow, slightly intimidated by him not because he's scary but more or so because of how well he carries himself.

When I exit the captain’s quarters I carefully examine the spyglass. Must be brass or something judging from the nice weight to it.

Regardless it was so beautiful It had an engraving on it, the same one as the one on Hongjoong’s arm band. I guess this means it’s his, that’s cool. He trusts me even with his personal items.

While I walk across the deck my stomach growls then I sigh. If I remember correctly Hongjoong said the kitchen was on the second floor?

I head downstairs and as soon as I enter the mess hall it becomes dead silent. I knew it, I knew it was going to be this awkward. At least Hongjoong isn’t here it would have been much more embarrassing.

San pats the seat next to his and gives me dimpled smile “y/n, sit here. I saved this seat for you.”

This man is making me want to smack him. Pretending to be nice. Why is he so flirty? I can only imagine how cringe he was with the girls back in Eledonia. They probably ate that shit up too. Ugh.

I sit on the seat next to San on the other side to my right was Wooyoung who immediately stands up. To my recollection he's the cook, he was the one wearing an apron while cooking back in Eledonia and the one who gave me the delicious peach tart.

Seonghwa then brings everyone’s attention over to me“Evreyone, you weren’t properly introduced but this is the Captain’s protector Her name is y/n.”

The tall one with blue hair and glasses which was Mingi if I remember correctly says “Ah yes, the cute doll back in Eledonia.” Wow, he must have a thing with dolls but honestly I'm not mad at it.

“You’re cute, I know why Hongjoong chose you now. I think Hongjoong likes cute girls. Cute..” Everyone silently stares at him then Yunho looks over at Mingi in disgust. “Maybe you should stay quiet you’ve used the word cute one too many times for my liking.”

Yunho looks over at me and gives me a concerned look “He’s weird please don’t listen to him. Anyway, hello y/n It’s nice to see you've decided to join us.” I slightly raise my hand from the table to acknowledge his greeting and take a bite of a piece of bread from a basket.

From the corner of my eye I notice the guy with Jongho back in Eledonia, Yeosang if i'm not wrong. Looking at him closer now I notice he's got very gorgeous features, one of them being a cool looking birth mark on his left eye (which I didn't notice) , his face being almost too perfect to be real with soft brown hair that compliments him very well giving him a very princely and delicate appearance.

He stares at me without saying anything which is intimidating noting how gorgeous the man is. The stare wasn’t out of hate, it was more or so out of curiosity until he finally speaks “Who trained you?”

Slightly taken aback I almost choke on my bread but manage to play it off. He speaks Eledonian, like Hongjoong only much more fluent. “My grandfather, an Eledonian veteran. Why?”

He gives me a small smile and shakes his head “I was just asking, I’m Yeosang. My apologies for not introducing myself when we first met.” I shake my head “It’s okay, no worries. I appreciate you introducing yourself..”

San furrows his eyebrows “Hey Yeo, you speak Eledonian? I didn’t know that.” Yeosang glances at San while resting both elbows on the table and his hands laced together “Who do you think taught Hongjoong?”

Shortly after being gone Wooyoung comes back with a bowl and a cup of tea and gently sets it in front of me. “I hope you like it, it may be a little spicy depending on your spice tolerance but it should still be good.. ”

I silently nod and take a sip of my tea then Seonghwa says “So y/n, how’d you sleep? You didn’t get seasick?” I pick up my eating utensil and mix my food.

“Well, besides being woken up in the rudest most uncalled for way ever. It was actually pretty comfortable, more than my old bed so I fell asleep almost instantly.” The whole table stays quiet with exception of a few of them clearing their throats and awkwardly adjusting themselves in their seats.

Seonghwa looks over at the rest of the guys and forces a smile when he looks back at me “Well at least you slept well up until that point.” I shove a spoonful of food in my mouth and nod, San remorsefully speaks “So um, about this morning. Sorry we thought you were Seonghwa and we kind of ambushed you without your permisson.”

I shrug taking another sip of my drink “What’s done is done, it’s fine.” Jongho, the very well built dark haired male with a very friendly face says in an apologetic tone “We should have honestly checked before we pulled something like that. I’m sure that’s the reason you’re being so cold towards all of us which we understand.”

Woah this guy hit the nail on the head with that one. “You’re right, you guys were assholes but now with the Captain’s full permission if you ever cross the line with me again I have his personal blessing to kick your asses.”

Mingi says under his breath “Ah, that’s so hot..” San looks over at Mingi like he just insulted him and flatly says “No..”

Seonghwa glares at both males, something told that pissing him off wasn’t a good idea. As it is he’s already intimidating. “How about you both calm down and behave. You both act like you didn’t just meet up with women back in Eledonia”

Wooyoung giggles looking in San’s direction playfully nudging my arm so that I could watch the whole ordeal go on. “Seonghwa’s right, weren’t you two the ones who were flirting away and getting back rubs from Eledonian women later in the evening?”

San crosses his arms in front of his chest “They were just back rubs!” Everyone looks in his direction then Wooyoung fires back “You and I both know you’re lying about that, that's not the only thing that was getting rubbed”

I roll my eyes at how utterly embarrassing this whole conversation was getting and continue to eat my food completely tuning out the conversation happening. Everyone explodes in laughter while San sits there festering in annoyance and Mingi awkwardly laughs it off with the others.

Once they settle down a bit Jongho says “That’s true one of them didn’t come back until midday the next day so that says alot about what actually happened.” I eat the last of my food and drink the remaining tea from my cup and I get up not caring we were all in mid conversation.

“I’m done eating. Wooyoung, the food was delicious.” I give Wooyoung a smile and in return he blinks “Oh, you ate fast.. Do you want seconds?” I shake my head and get up “No thank you, I’m full.”

San turns to me and looks at me a bit sad “You’re leaving already?” I nod dusting my lap off from the leftover bread crumbs “Yep, see you around.”

Before anyone has a chance of saying anything else I excuse myself from the clearly very private conversation going on in the background. I guess I'm going to have to get used to conversations like this, men are so… Weird.

After that chaotic breakfast I find my way back to the crow’s nest, it was a nice change of environment. I wonder if this is the only thing I’ll be doing while we’re at sea, then again there is no one I need to protect Hongjoong from anyway so I guess it makes sense I’m in charge of keeping an eye.

After a few uneventful days of me keeping watch, which were either cargo ships or just other ships in general who weren’t of intrest. I basically lived up at the crow’s nest and only really came down to shower or use the bathroom since Wooyoung would usually bring up my food while on duty.

Today was a different story, on the horizon I could make out a ship in the distance then I look into the spyglass and notice a ship with a peculiar flag. Unlike our flag, theirs was red with a skull on it except this skull had two spears crossing behind it then my stomach sinks.

I quickly climb down then I run over to Seonghwa who was talking to Mingi and in between breaths I say “I don’t know who they are but we have company from the north east.”

Seonghwa quickly puts down the book in his hand and runs outside onto the deck then pulls out his spyglass, and stares at the ship for what felt like forever “The Scarlet Sailors… The Captain needs to see this.” He turns to me “Prepare for battle these pirates are quite tough, ring the bell.”

It’s like a switch instantly lit up I run over to the bell and ring it as loud as I can while Seonghwa runs into the captain’s quarters to alert the Captain. My first looting with the crew and I’m not going to lie but I’m scared. What if I die not even three seconds after stepping foot on that boat.

Meanwhile the whole ship goes hectic to prepare everything and a few minutes later Hongjoong steps out and looks through Seonghwa’s spyglass with a big smile on his features “Evreyone, looks like we hit the jackpot. We will strip them from everything.”

He hands Seonghwa his spyglass back then looks over at me and gives me a bright smile “Use this time to practice, don’t worry if you kill them. The government doesn’t care, so neither should we. Also, unless I call for you do your thing I’m not useless.” I hum and touch the gun on my holster then I smile. Here’s my chance to show off.

As the ship gets closer Jongho aims the canon at the ship and shoots directly hitting the ship in the front of the ship he then signals San and Yeosang to do the same permanently disabling the ship due to Jongho’s successfully being able to break the main mast of the ship.

Right as Yunho and Mingi begin to set up the plank a few people of the enemy begins to shoot at us causing us to hide.

Seonghwa gently squeezes my shoulder “Good luck, and please protect our Captain.” I turn and give him a smile for the first time in a while “No problem.” once the plank is clear I notice the captain of the ship immediately heads over towards Hongjoong.

He’s not useless he can fight, I just need to clear these people out then I can help him. I shoot my gun at any of the crew mates running towards me until I have no ammo left after that I pick up a sword from one of the bodies on the ground then I climb up one of the shrouds of the ship.

Before jumping I take a deep breath and jump down onto a crew mate who was about to shoot Yeosang in the back so I proceed to stab him in the back of the neck with the blade exiting through the other side of the man’s throat.

When I pull it out of the man’s neck the sound alone of the man choking on his own blood causes Yeosang to turn and notices the man on the floor then he looks back at me and smirks.

I pick up the man’s gun and shoot the man behind Yeosang and I smile. I notice a scary looking man about to gang up on Wooyoung who was already busy with a sword fight so I give Yeosang a two finger salute and while running to Woooyung’s aid I shoot the man on the side of the head causing him to fall to the ground limply.

While I look around to see if I could assist anyone I feel a hand pull me back by the hair and begins to crush my throat with the other then I put the barrel of the gun under the bearded man’s chin and I pull the trigger causing him to fall back. In the midst of me running away I see another huge scary bald man with a cigar in his mouth begin to walk towards me with evrey intention to kill.

“You can’t go around killing people like this little lady, you’ve been a bad girl.” I smirk then I pull the trigger of the gun only for it to be empty then I let out a frustrated groan so I grab the sword again then he lets out a laugh.

"You wanna fight with swords? Alright, I'll do you a favor before I kill you then although I can't guarantee I won't fuck you up pretty girl." He grabs a sword from the nearest body And does a few practice swings.

I run towards the man and swing to aim at his midsection but he successfully blocks my sword and knocks it out of my hand. The man lets out a laugh and grabs me by the wrist and pulls me towards him then he rests his blade on my neck, pressing just enough for me to acknowledge the blade on my throat drawing some blood.

The smoke from his cigar hitting me in the face while I lay completely still “What a shame I have to kill you I really wanted to fuck that pretty little face of yours-”

Feeling complete disgust by the vulgarities this man was saying I pull out a dagger hiding under my belt and stab the man once in the midsection then another right in the eye causing him to drop his cigar to the floor and scream in agonizing pain.

“You fucking bitch! I’ll kill you!” I pick up the sword I dropped and motion the angry man to attack "Come and get me you ugly troll.."

The man leans in and swings his sword in my direction grazing my arm only managing to rip the fabric of my sleeve. I parry the angry man and unfortunately for the man his anger combined with only having one eye grants me an opening to lunge and slash followed by a stab right on his stomach causing him to fall on his knees and drop the sword on the ground.

I pick up the cigar he dropped from the floor and push the end of the lit cigar into the wound in his eye.

The man screams in pain and clutches onto his face squirming on the floor until I pick up the shot gun off of a body and shoot the man dead. It's over, finally.

I slowly close my eyes and let out a soft sigh, when I open my eyes I look at the state of the situation and see the captain of the Scarlet Sailors had been defeated or more so shot in the face.

The rest of his crew only a handful were left alive and were are all tied up while San kept watch the rest of the guys were quickly hauling alot of supplies and money onto the ship.

A few minutes go by of me being confused and not really knowing what to do si I decide to help San keep watch on the rival crew mates. From a distance I hear a whistling noise only to realize it was Hongjoong, who was looking in my direction and motions me back onto the ship.

Both San and I walk back to the ship, leaving the rival crew on the boat. It still hadn’t dawned on me how brutal this whole situation is in reality. How my first encounter with true violence would be the one to light a fire in me that won’t be put out which will put a crack on my moral compass.

Once we get on the ship I begin walking towards the bathroom before Yeosang stops me “Hey, are you okay? That slice on your neck is bleeding.” I gingerly touch my neck then look down at my hand to see it coated with blood.

Of course internally i’m panicking but I can’t let anyone know that the captain’s protector is a wimp, so I hum quietly while looking down at the blood. “The bleeding will stop, I’ll be fine.”

Yeosang shakes his head “You have to go get that cleaned or else it’ll get infected.” I smile and wipe the blood with my finger on my inner wrist.“I’m going to shower so no worries the wound will get cleaned, thanks for your concern though.”

I give Yeosang a soft smile and before I even see his reactiom I walk over to the bathroom and close the door behind me and I begin to undress.

While I’m undressing I notice my hands are shaky, it must be the adrenaline still coursing through my veins. Growing slightly irritated because of how flimsily it made my hands feel I clench both my hands together and sigh.

Slowly a small smile forces itself onto my features “I did a great job today, for my first day. I can’t be entirely disappointed.” I stand in the warm water staring at the ground with the slight sting on my neck from my wound.

Suddenly I get flashes of all the people I’ve killed today and I will admit I do feel remorse for what i did as I’m only human but what Hongjoong told me keeps repeating itself in my head “The government doesn’t care, and neither should we.”

Which means technically they aren’t the government since pirates are anti government but they did begin to head straight towards us and willing to attack us so we were in full right to attack them back.

This wasn’t wrong was it? Am I just overthinking everything right now because of the amount of people I just killed? I don’t know honestly, all I know is my body is reacting to it.

I start to feel slightly dizzy and a bit light headed so I sit under the water to rest a little bit. How can I be so weak I’m reacting like this, what happened to my grandfather’s training? No wait, his training didn’t include how to cope with killing people.

After a long maybe 5 or 10 minutes of me feeling weird I eventually finish showering and tightly wrap the bathrobe around my figure and step back out onto the deck. It’s as if Yunho was waiting for me outside of the bathroom he hurriedly walks towards me “Yeosang told me about your wound.”

I brush out my hair with my fingers “Oh, I’m fine.” He rolls his eyes and puts both his hands on my shoulders and turns me in the direction of the crew’s quarters “Yeah, I’m not taking any risks then you die on us and the Captain will get mad at me for not doing my job which is attend all the injuries our crew gets.”

I sigh slightly rolling my eyes but not enough where Yunho notices “Yeah, okay then.” When we go down to the quarters he sits me down on the first bed entering the place.

“Sit, I’ll be right back.” He walks over to a small cabinet in the room and pulls up a chair next to me. He gives me an awkward smile and points at my robe.

"Can you um, pull it down a little bit?” I nod and grab the soft fabric of the bathrobe and gently pull it down exposing my neck but still covering my chest.

He clears his throat and silently begins to clean my wound up until he probably get tired of how painfully awkward it was so he breaks the ice and says “So, I saw you fighting and you’re pretty good. I now understand why the Captain was so hellbent on you joining us.”

I awkwardly smile at Yunho “Yeah.” He chuckles and awkwardly smiles back “You looked like a cat on top of those shrouds, weren’t you scared?”

Stiffly I nod trying not to disturb what Yunho was doing “A little but when you’re set to kill you just kind of forget evreything around you and you just focus on your task.” Yunho hums “I see, just remember to be careful. You’re meant to protect the Captain and if you get hurt you’re neglecting your purpose.”

Well that’s a bit.. Outright. What a strange way to tell me to be careful. “Okay, i’ll be careful. I'll try my best not to worry the Captain.”

After a few more minutes of awkward small talk and him cleaning my wound he finally finishes and dresses my wound then puts away his first aid kit. I pull my bathrobe back up and I head over towards the door.

I really wanted to say thank you but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to say anything until I finally manage to say in a very low almost indistinguishable mumble “Thank you.” Yunho turns back to me and says “Did you say something?”

Great, he didn’t hear me. I look so dumb right now. Immediately I shake my head and walk out without another word. I stand by the railing looking out onto the sea, unfortunately It hasn’t even been a month yet and I’m already kind of sick of seeing nothing but water.

I might as well learn to get along with everyone even if that means I have to fake my personality. They can all be afraid of me but if I keep this up and keep being so quiet and unaproachable I’ll not only get bored but I’ll be miserable. I also can’t latch onto Seonghwa and the Captain the whole time I’m here I need to make friends even if these guys are a bit…Weird.

I hear steps approaching me from behind and a familiar voice emerges behind me “I’ve brought you some clean clothes. I don’t know if they’re your style but Hongjoong chose them. I’m sorry we didn’t give these to you earlier and you had to go into battle with your personal attire. I am sorry your old ones got ruined.”

I turn and it was Seonghwa, skin with a slight sheen of sweat on his exposed skin which was just his neck and face with a small cut under his eye and a busted lip. “Ah, It’s fine. I’ll keep those clothes as a memento of my first battle with The Piece of Eight.” I shake my head and see his slightly worried expression shift to a small smile.

“Good job out there by the way. Yeosang told me you saved him twice and you helped out Wooyoung. I also heard you took out the juggernaut first mate of the Scarlet Sailors.” I nervously laugh “Thank you, I was only fulfilling my duty.”

He hands me my clothes and smiles “This might have been your first battle but it certainly won’t be your last.” I look down at the clothes and I couldn’t tell first glance if I was going to like them. It wasn’t until I actually tried them on I saw and could definitely tell Hongjoong chose them.

Very high fashion, it’s a very nice blend of their style just a bit more feminine. I like it. It was a black blazer with a beautiful pin on it the shape of an hourglass with silver detailing and a top that was a black fitted vest and some black pants , boots and.. A wide brim fedora.

Kind of an odd choice, I thought pirates wore those weird looking hats? Not Hongjoong though, I can tell this man goes against what everyone expects of him. He forges his own path even with the smallest of things as simple as clothing. Something tells me I'm working for right man, the right cause.

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#ateez series #ateez angst #ateez x reader #kim hongjoong x reader #choi san x reader #kpop imagines #pirate au #ateez imagine #ateez fanfiction

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thecryptidzenith · 13 days

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I was thinking today about a timeline where Midnight Oil Riz gets back to his mom and somehow ends up in a party with the rest of The Bad Kids in Junior year (ignore the logistics). Thinking about him having to interact with the Rat Grinders is so funny; I feel like he'd see Kipperlilly being mean to Kristen, immediately try to find something to blackmail Kipperlilly with to force her to drop the election, and accidentally uncover Porter's whole plot in approximately four days.

First of all, I'm delighted that my silly little fic lives in your brain enough that you're thinking of alternate timelines, that's incredible. And thanks for sending this to me! I love excuses to procrastinate and excuses to yell about my guy.

So obviously, I'm God, and there's a lot of stuff prior to where this would be on the timeline that would have an impact, but I'm going to keep my cards as close to the chest as possible, however I think the thing that would impact this the most has already happened: which is that Poxson Tiktaalik is a student at Aguefort. On that, Kalina says "I have contacts at Aguefort." and "There’s more than one conspiracy going on at Aguefort," (to which Riz's internal response is 'what a fucked up school,' a sentiment made extremely funny both because he's an Aguefort student in canon and because he'd be an Aguefort student here.) This will be said directly soon, but Riz has met Eugenia, he's passing rogue class. Logistics aren't a problem at all.

But here's the fun part: the second conspiracy Kalina's referring to is Porter's plan to take Ankarna's place in the pantheon. Him and Jace are her contacts who take care of the administrative aspects of Poxson Tiktaalik being a student there. And Riz has already passed freshman and sophomore year with flying colors, and Eugenia knows who he is. The only thing that would need to happen would be changing his name in the system, and that's not technically necessary. Porter knows Kalina, and he knows Kalina wanted Riz in Aguefort's system for some reason. Throw in anything he may have heard about Poxson from Eugenia or any other networks he may be a part of, and suddenly, he looks like an incredibly useful ally with a high likelihood of helping them. If Kalina did, surely her protege would too, right?

Plus, this is a super tumultuous time for Riz. His living situation has changed drastically, his mom is alive, and he only recently found out that his godmother--his closest confidant--kidnapped him as a child and groomed him to be her actor in the physical world. Kid's not doing great as a baseline, and this makes everything so much worse.

How much does he really know or care about the Bad Kids? He's not exactly a team player here, and these kids are directly responsible for his ability or lack thereof to go to college. In canon, Riz doesn't have any resentment for them, but here? That's likely to be a different story. The two people he actually cares about are his mom and Aelwyn, the later of whom is working for Kipperlily Copperkettle.

Would it be so wrong of him to be a little angry? After everything he's been through, would it be unreasonable for him to get a little mad?

This isn't to say he'd join--there's no way he wouldn't despise the Rat Grinders, especially Kipperlily. He'd find them incredibly entitled, petty, and incompetent. Porter and Jace would probably annoy him too, their final goal is just to make Porter a god, and that's not something Riz would find worth it. Maybe his complicated feelings about Cassandra/the Nightmare King have solidified into hatred and he just wants her to hurt when her wife's domain is given to a new god, but that's the strongest motivation I can devise. Compare this to Kalina, who gave him a personal reason to help her in bringing his parents back and a societal reason in using the Nightmare King's power to fix the ugly parts of the world Riz got to know all too well in Gravalvia. Porter and Jace just aren't that good. Sorry to say, but nobody's doing it like Kalina.

And then there's the Kalina of it all. Does he want to help them because it seems like the thing she would have wanted him to do? Or is he spiteful and works tirelessly to destroy them instead? There's no way he isn't curious about what in the hells she was up to with them, but what does he do with that curiosity? Maybe he plays both sides until he knows exactly where he stands. He could pretend to infiltrate the Rat Grinders for the Bad Kids and the Bad Kids for the Rat Grinders. It'd be hard to pull off, but he's Riz 'Poxson' Gukgak. He excels at hard things.

#also riz's reaction to kalina coming back would be insane #i don't even 100% know what it would be but *anything* having to do with kalina would be so fraught for him #if he saw that image of Kitten!Kalina at Cass & Ankarna's wedding...#i don't know it'd be something.#to be clear riz would care about the Bad Kids (mostly adaine. cause she's aelwyn's sister)#but care is not always enough #*especially* when riz is in such a bad spot emotionally & psychologically #poor boy #he's so messed up #<- is the one who messed him up #oh i should probably come up with a tag system for Midnight Oil in case I want to talk about it later #midnight oil fic #midnight oil fic spoilers #there that should cover me #fhjy spoilers

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sugdenlovesdingle · 4 months

Text

Here it FINALLY is, even though it's well and truly the 15th here, my @tarlos-secret-cupid valentines gift for @carlos-in-glasses

As usual time and my tendency to procrastinate aren't friends and it's way too damn late (or early) and I really needed to go to bed about... 5 hours ago... but I hope you like it!

It's a combination of one of the tropes you said you liked - Alternate first meeting and a pre-valentines date/first valentines day together.

Luisa gets her hands on Carlos' phone and decides to take matters into her own hands to fix her brother's love life.

Love online (AO3)

It wasn’t like Carlos hated spending time with his family, or even really minded. He liked most of his relatives just fine, especially his nieces and nephews and younger cousins. The problem was that all of them in one place at the same time was usually chaos and downright exhausting.

The kids always wanted him to play with them, while his mother and tías made it their mission to find out everything they could about his life.

Even his non-existent love life.

Still, he was nothing if not a good son, and he didn’t want to upset his mother by cancelling on her for Sunday dinner with the family, and definitely not one that doubled as her birthday party.

So he turned off his car’s engine and made himself get out and walk to the door.

He rang the doorbell and mentally braced himself for the usual madness that ensued whenever the family was together for any kind of occasion.

“There you finally are. Why are you dressed like that?” Luisa stepped aside after opening the door. “Are you moonlighting as a stripper?”

“Funny.” Carlos rolled his eyes at her and walked into the house. “I came straight from work. I didn’t want to drive home and then all the way back here.” He took off his jacket. “Where is mom?”

“In the kitchen, gossiping with tía Lucy and tía Carmen. And the rest of the family is…” she waved a hand around and Carlos nodded.

“I’ll go say hello to mom and then get changed.” He told her. “By the way, do you have a charger? My battery is almost gone and my charger is at home.”

“I think I have one in the car. I’ll get it and plug your phone in.” She held out her hand and Carlos reluctantly handed it over. “Don’t read my messages.” He warned her.

“Why? Got a secret boyfriend we’re not allowed to know about?”

“Yeah, right.” Carlos mumbled. “Just don’t go through my phone, ok? It’s called privacy. You might have heard of it.”

“Like you when you used to read my diary, you mean?”

“That was one time! I was seven!”

“One time I know about.”

“You used to read Ana’s diary all the time.”

“You have no proof of that.” Luisa said and slipped past him, out the door to her car.

Carlos sighed and went to greet his mother and tías.

“Hola mama. Happy birthday.” He said and leaned over to give her a hug and kiss her cheek. “Did you get my flowers?”

“Yes, they were delivered this morning, they’re beautiful mijo, thank you.” She noticed his uniform. “Did you come here from work? You work too hard cariño.”

“It’s fine mom, it was a slow day. And I’ll have a few days off from Tuesday.”

“Maybe you should talk to your father, let him talk to your captain to not make you work so hard.”

“I’m fine mom, I promise. Nobody needs to talk to anyone.” He insisted and let her fuss over him for a few minutes before making his way up to his childhood bedroom to change into his regular clothes.

By the time he made it back downstairs, his mom was distracted so he quickly grabbed himself something to eat and went in search of his sister, and more importantly, his phone.

He found her in the living room in her favourite armchair, scrolling through her phone.

Only when he took a closer look, he realised it wasn’t her own phone in her hand, but his.

“Hey, what are you doing? Give me my phone!” Carlos tried to grab his phone from his sister's hands but she quickly moved out of his reach.

“I will, when I'm done with it.” Luisa replied. “Don't you have any sexy pictures of yourself on this thing?”

“Why would I? And why do you care?”

“Nobody is going to be interested when you look like any random guy in the street.”

“Interested? What? What are you doing?”

“Wait, I think I have some cute pictures of you from tía Lucy's birthday party last summer.”

“Cute pictures? What do you need cute - oh no. No you’re not.” He tried to grab his phone again but she stuffed it in her bra and turned her attention to her own phone.

“Ana come here and look at this. What do you think of this one? Does this say boyfriend material?”

Ana came over and looked at her sister's phone screen.

“Are you trying to find him a boyfriend?” She turned to Carlos. “You can't find your own dates now?”

“I can but she stole my phone.”

“He needs to get laid.” Luisa explained. “He's way too wound up and stressed lately. A hot guy in his bed would take care of that.”

“And you're going to find him one?”

“I'm going to give him a push in the right direction. Come on, help me out, it's for a good cause.”

“To get Carlos a boyfriend?”

“Yes! If mom finds out he's seeing someone, she'll obsess over that and stop fussing over us. She'd stop making digs at your parenting style.”

Ana considered her sister's words for a second and then pulled out her own phone.

“I still have pictures from when we went to the waterpark with the kids. If we crop them out those pictures are definitely going to get him a guy.”

Carlos ran a hand through his hair and sat back on the sofa, wondering how this was his life.

“Oh that one is nice!” Luisa said, looking at Ana’s phone. “If you crop it like this, the guys will be fighting to get in his bed.”

“Have either of you considered that I might actually be seeing someone already?”

The two women paused what they were doing.

“Are you?” Ana asked.

“No he’s not. I ran into Iris a few days ago. He’s single. She told me.”

“Iris doesn’t know everything about me.” Carlos argued, wishing once again his sister didn’t know his best friend that well.

“Ok which one should I put as profile picture? The waterpark one?” Luisa asked Ana. “Or maybe one in uniform? Is that allowed?” She briefly turned to Carlos but didn’t wait for a reply.

“This one is nice. He’s actually smiling in it.” Ana said and sat down next to her sister. “We need to do something about that profile too. Just Carlos, 28, Austin, cop isn’t going to make anyone take an interest.”

The two of them spent the next half hour working their magic on Carlos’ profile until they were satisfied.

“Ok, so, what kind of guy are you looking for?” Ana asked. “Does he have to be Latino?”

Carlos shrugged.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

Luisa frowned.

“What kind of answer is that?”

“I don’t know, Lu, I don’t really think about that. If I like a guy, I like him, but not because he is or isn’t Latino.”

“Fine.” She sighed and turned her attention back to Carlos’ phone. “Oh ok this guy is cute! Originally from DC but lives in Austin now. What do you think?” she showed him a picture of a fairly attractive guy who looked like he’d just stepped out of a tanning salon.

“He’s ok.” Carlos replied with a shrug even though he could tell neither of his sisters were actually listening to him.

“Oh he wants an open relationship. Are you ok with that?”

“Does it matter? You'll decide for me anyway.”

Luisa rolled her eyes at her brother and went back to swiping through the app.

“Oh look at this one!” she quickly flashed him the phone screen again. “He's cute! And he has a dog! You like dogs.”

“Hmm.”

“Oh he's from NYC. Wow. And he's a firefighter and paramedic.”

“Good for him.”

“Wait, do I swipe left or right for yes? Never mind, I found it. Ooh he's swiped on you too! He likes you hermanito!”

“Let me see.” Ana told her. “Oh he is cute. Nice eyes and kind to animals. What more do you want?”

“To actually get a say in anything to do with my own love life?”

“Is that his name? TK?” Ana asked.

“Yeah. Looks like it. Probably a nickname.” Luisa replied.

“Who goes by a nickname on a dating app?”

“Someone with something to hide. He’s probably married with three kids and a golden retriever.” Carlos commented.

“You don’t have to marry the guy, Carlitos. Just hook up with him once. Or twice if he’s good in bed.” Luisa said with a wink. “Oh he’s messaging you! He’s keen!”

“He’s messaging you more like.”

“Should I reply?”

“No, no you need to reply yourself.” Ana said to Carlos.

“I said hey back.” Luisa said, getting up and dropping Carlos’ phone in his lap. “Thank me in your wedding speech. Or name your first born after me.”

“I thought I didn’t have to marry him?”

“You don’t. But this guy is your type and I know you.”

“What does that even mean?”

“That you should probably talk to the guy.” Ana said, pointing at the phone in his lap, before getting up and following her sister into the kitchen.

Carlos reluctantly picked up the phone and unlocked it. He looked through the guy’s profile and had to admit he was cute. He had a nice smile and there was a hint of mischief in his bright green eyes.

And he’d be lying if the picture with the big fluffy Bernese Mountain dog wasn’t one of the cutest things he’d seen in a long time.

Suddenly he remembered Luisa had started a chat with him and he tapped out of the pictures and back to the conversation.

So you’re a cop?

Carlos read the line over and over, not sure how to reply. He wasn’t interested in satisfying the guy’s uniform kink, or get a lecture on why all cops are assholes.

- Yeah. Is that a problem?

Not to me. I do have one question though.

- Have I ever shot anyone?

No. Do they let you take the handcuffs home with you? 😉😇

Carlos laughed and decided to keep talking to this TK guy. He told him about himself a little, and TK told him he’d only moved to Austin a few months ago and could do with someone to show him the best places to go in the city.

And I don’t just mean your bed. Though judging by your pictures, I wouldn’t hate that.

Carlos blushed a little but found he wouldn’t hate that either. In the end they decided to meet up for a drink that Wednesday on Carlos’ day off.

Which he was definitely not telling his sisters about.

He spent most of his Wednesday cleaning his house and his bedroom, and put clean sheets on the bed, even though he’d only changed them a few days ago. He didn’t want to assume, but it was in his nature to be prepared for anything.

Especially if that anything would turn out to involve TK in between his new clean sheets.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and when he checked the notification, he saw a new message from TK.

A picture of himself in front of a mirror in a bedroom with the caption What do you think?

He was wearing a black button down shirt with some kind of print on it and dark jeans. He looked great, yet all Carlos’ brain managed to come up with were three fire emojis.

Careful with those fires officer. You don’t want them getting out of control.

- It’s ok, I have a date with a fireman tonight. I’m sure he’ll keep me safe.

Carlos shook his head as he reread his last reply.

“Congratulations, that’s the worst reply anyone ever sent.” He mumbled to himself.

Though TK didn’t seem to mind. He sent him a laughing emoji and a firefighter one.

Firefighter. It sounds more badass.

- You run into fires for a living, you don’t need a word to make you more badass.

TK didn’t reply and Carlos decided to look through his own wardrobe to find something to wear. He’d just decided on a green t-shirt that was maybe a little too tight across the chest, when his phone buzzed again.

This time TK had sent him a short video of himself standing in front of the same mirror in the same bedroom, but undoing the buttons on his shirt with his free hand.

“One button? Or two? Or three? Or more?” the TK in the video asked and all Carlos could do was stare at the exposed skin.

- Two is probably the limit. Or else we’ll never make it to the bar.

And that would be a bad thing?

- We’ve never even met. I could be an axe murderer!

Good thing I know how to handle an axe.

TK sent him another winking emoji and told him he’d see him in a few hours.

Carlos got to the bar early, and found a table close enough to the door so he’d see TK when he walked in, but hidden from view enough that he wouldn’t get stuck talking to someone from work if they’d happen to come in.

When TK arrived a little while later, Carlos’ mouth went dry at the sight of him. He’d looked good in the pictures and the video, but he was even better looking in person.

He looked like a model and Carlos felt severely underdressed.

“Hey, Carlos right?” TK walked up to him with a smile on his face and Carlos got up to greet him, letting TK pull him into a hug.

“Actually, I’m Raul, Carlos is my evil twin.” He joked and immediately scrunched up his face and shook his head. “Sorry. I don’t know why I said that. That was my attempt at a joke. I’m not usually this much of an idiot.”

TK laughed and sat down at the table.

“It’s ok. You’re pretty cute, you’re forgiven.”

They talked for a while, sharing stories about their lives, jobs, families and friends, but the conversation soon turned flirty when TK noticed the mechanical bull on the other side of the bar.

“Have you ever ridden one of those?” he nodded at the bull.

“Once or twice. But I grew up on a ranch, I could ride a horse before I could ride a bike.”

“Really? So you’re a cowboy?”

“Yeah I suppose.” Carlos leaned over the table so TK would hear him without having to shout over the music. “I could teach you how it’s done.”

TK looked at him and the mischievous spark Carlos had seen in his profile pictures was back.

“Lead the way cowboy.”

Carlos managed to convince the guy operating the bull to forget about their one person at a time policy and let them ride together.

TK climbed on first and held out his hand for Carlos who wanted to climb on behind him, but the other man stopped him.

“I won’t know what to do if you sit behind me, will I?” TK said innocently. “You better sit on the other side.”

Carlos hesitated for a second but quickly climbed onto the bull when the next person in line yelled at him to get a move on.

And instead of facing the bull’s head, he sat facing TK.

“Hello cowboy.” TK grinned. Putting the hand that wasn’t holding onto the saddle on Carlos’ thigh.

“Hey.” Carlos replied, slipping an arm around TK’s waist, not bothering to hold onto the saddle.

“Ok, ready? 1… 2… 3…” the guy operating the bull said and pushed a button so it started moving.

Slowly at first, spinning around and bucking only a little.

“This isn’t so bad.” TK commented and Carlos laughed.

“It’s only just getting started.” He said and an unexpected movement from the bull pushed TK forward and had him grabbing Carlos’ hips with both hands for support. “Just go with the flow.” Carlos told him.

“Easy for you to say!” He protested but didn’t seem to mind when Carlos held him a little tighter.

“It’s all in the thighs. Just squeeze and let the rest of your body move with the bull.”

The bull started moving faster and bucking wilder, making TK all but move into Carlos’ lap, which neither of them minded in the slightest.

Only trying to hold onto both TK and make both of them stay on the bull proved to be too much for Carlos’ cowboy skills, and soon they were thrown off and ended up in a pile of limbs on the mats surrounding it.

The spinning bull had made them dizzy and they laughed as they tried to get up.

Carlos managed to get to his feet first, but when he held out a hand to pull TK up, the other man stumbled and ended up pulling them both down on the mat again.

TK had somehow ended up half on top of Carlos, but instead of trying to get up, he put his hands on Carlos’ face and kissed him.

Someone yelled at them to get a room but Carlos couldn’t even begin to care when TK was kissing him like that.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all night.” TK admitted when they broke the kiss.

“Me too.” Carlos replied, the dopey smile on his face matching the one on TK’s.

“Alright fellas, move along please. You aren’t the only ones wanting to have a go at taming this beast.” The bull operator said and looked like he was about three seconds away from dragging the both of them off the mats.

They got up and Carlos wanted to go back to their table but TK pulled him into a dark corner, pushed him against the wall, and kissed him again.

Kissed him in a way that wasn’t entirely suitable for a packed bar.

Especially not when his hands slipped under Carlos’ t-shirt and Carlos’ own hands had somehow undone two more of the buttons on TK’s shirt.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Carlos managed to clear his mind enough to speak when he felt TK’s hands on his belt.

“Don’t you want to?”

“I do… I really, really do… but… not in public.”

TK suddenly seemed to remember where they were and took a step back as he looked around.

“Right… sorry.” He looked embarrassed and Carlos swore his cheeks were turning red.

“My place is close.” He said and kissed TK again, hoping he understood everything Carlos was trying to tell him.

It turned out TK was really good at reading him and within half an hour, Carlos discovered that TK without any clothes and in his bed was by far his favourite version of him.

And he was actually really good at riding.

* 4 years later *

“Are you happy?” TK asked softly, wrapping his arms around his new husband’s waist and resting his chin on his shoulder.

Carlos smiled and turned his head slightly for a kiss.

“I’ve never been this happy in my life.”

TK moved to stand beside him.

“Me too. I never thought I’d meet the love of my life when I ended up here.”

“Hmm.” Carlos agreed, resting his head against TK’s. “I’m glad you ended up here and didn’t stay in New York.”

They watched their guests dance and laugh. TK’s dad was dancing with Ana, while Carlos’ mom was talking to TK’s mother and entertaining Jonah, and his dad in the middle of a serious conversation with Mateo.

Though Carlos had heard him laugh and call him chico a few times throughout the night.

“We should say a few words so we can get out of here and start our honeymoon.” TK said. “I’ll go drop Lou off with my dad.”

Carlos looked down at his husband’s hands and only then noticed the bearded dragon they’d bought a while ago, and TK had insisted be their ring bearer, looking more content that ever before.

“Wait, he’s part of the family, he should be here when we thank our guests.” Carlos said, grabbing his glass off the table and tapping it with a fork. “Can I have everyone’s attention please?”

“You can all go back to enjoying the free bar in a minute.” TK joked and some people laughed.

“My husband and I just want to thank you all for coming.” Carlos started and smiled at TK when a few of their friends jokingly booed him for being too cheesy. They hadn’t stopped referring to each other as husband ever since they’d said “I do” earlier that day.

“Really guys, it means a lot to us to be able to share our day with all of you. But we also want to get out of here and start fully enjoying the honeymoon suite.” TK said and laughed. “So shut up and listen.”

Carlos laughed.

“I second everything my husband just said. But I also want to give a special shout out to Luisa, since none of this would be happening if it wasn’t for my dear sister’s utter disregard for privacy.” Carlos said and paused for laughs. “She stole my phone and told me to thank her in my wedding speech or name my firstborn after her…” He paused and looked at TK holding Lou. “An actual child might be a while away… but our lizard child is proud to share a name with you, Lu. Only since he’s a boy, we decided to call him Louis instead.” He grinned and stroked Lou’s back with one finger. He wasn’t entirely comfortable around the animal, but TK adored him so he’d learn to love him too.

And he’d be damned if he was going to let a little phobia get in the way of getting one over on his sister.

“Wait… you named your lizard after me?!”

#tarlos #tarlos fic #911 lone star #tarloscupid #tarloscupid24 #my writing

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rickie-the-storyteller · 1 month

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Writing Share Tag!

Thanks for the tag, @theeccentricraven!!

Rules: Share some of your writing.

I want to share an excerpt from a brand new project I've been working on. It has no official title right now, but it's a teen romcom sort of thing, so let's just call it "Untitled Teen Romcom" lol.

Chapter 1 of Untitled Teen Romcom:

She and I actually go way back - she’s been in my life since primary school. I have known her since I was 5. Like it or not, she has always been there. So maybe her presence just takes me back to when I was a dumb 5-year-old chump.

She was the very first girl to ever break my heart.

What do I mean by that? Well, long story… It all started about 10 years ago. Flashback!

[ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO - ZEKE’S RECEPTION CLASS, TUESDAY, 2ND JUNE, 2009]

It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. Proposal day. I had been planning it for weeks, conferring with my best mates on all the finer details.

Sebastian was in charge of rounding up the rest of the reception class to be my "guests'' (whatever that means… I think I just wanted to have witnesses for some reason. Five-year-old Zeke just did everything loudly. I went out of my way to draw attention to myself back then. Thankfully, I have grown up since. Mostly). Jacob's job was to distract Miss Jackson so she wouldn't interrupt (he’s the king of distraction. Always has been, and likely always will be. Nobody beats him at wasting everyone’s time. Even the people he claims to like. Like me. He’s great, though - don’t get me wrong. A world-class procrastinator, but also one of the funniest people I know). Even bossy little Eshe Brown had a role - making sure Hope looked extra pretty that day (actually, her real job was to distract her until I was ready to come out to reveal my big surprise. The thing with Eshe, though, is that she’ll look for any excuse to give someone a makeover).

This was it - the moment I'd been practising in the mirror every night for weeks. I had my speech scripted in my head. I had it all meticulously planned out - get down on one knee, profess my deep admiration for Hope Kamani's unparalleled beauty, and pop the question for her to be my betrothed. Yep, you heard me correctly… I was going to ask Hope to marry me.

Well...in the way that a 5-year-old asks someone to "marry" them anyway. But in my mind, this was deadly serious business. I think it was just a matter of wanting to finally do something about it after spending so long keeping it to myself. After months and months of admiring the beautiful Hope Kamani from afar, I was finally going to profess my undying love for her and ask her for the privilege of being hers. Tell her that I loved everything about her, that she made me the happiest kid in our class, that I thought about her every single day, and that I wanted to make her happy too (I can’t believe I still remember that part of the script…). Simple enough, right?

She caught my eye right from the start, with her bright, friendly smile and her shining dark hair styled in braided pigtails (that was her signature look back then. Right now, it’s single box braids with blue hair extensions). To me, she was the most beautiful girl in our whole class. Maybe even the entire universe! That is honestly how I felt about her at the time (5-year-old me was so dumb, good grief). She had to be my bride. I had to win her over somehow… no matter what. Even if it meant humiliating myself in front of all of our friends with a heartfelt, soppy speech. I was willing to put myself out there. I was willing to do that for her. She meant that much to me.

“Now’s the time,” Seb whispered to me once everyone was settled for lunch. Everything was perfectly in place.

Go time. It’s now or never…

I fixed up my posture and puffed out my chest, trying to seem bigger and braver than I actually felt. Channelling every ounce of bravado and charisma my little body could muster (I believe I was trying my best to exude the confidence and manliness of one of those grizzled bachelor fellows proposing to his one true love... At least that's what I'd seen on the telly at the time. My mother was into that sort of thing back then), I took a deep, fortifying breath and strode over to where Hope was sitting with a bunch of other girls. I then awkwardly cleared my throat to gain their attention.

“Oh, hi Ezekiel,” Eshe greeted me a little too loudly. She was clearly nervous on my behalf. “What are you doing here?”

“Hey,” I replied with the same level of clumsiness. Trying to pull myself together for the big part, I pushed past the shyness that was slowly beginning to creep in, before continuing. “I have something important that I need to say.”

They were listening. She was listening.

"Hope Kamani," I proclaimed in my loudest, deepest and most mature and serious-sounding voice possible (which still came out an octave higher than intended). "You are the prettiest girl in our whole class. Actually, the prettiest girl in the entire world! At least, as far as I know.”

At that, a quiet smattering of "oooooh" sounds rippled around the room (because at this point, I had gotten the attention of the entire class). I noticed Hope's eyes widened in surprise, her mouth forming a little 'o' shape as she looked around at her equally rapt audience of classmates.

I went on with my passionate speech, unable to fight the big old grin spreading across my face at this next bit.

"And I don’t just mean that you look pretty. You do, but you are also funny, smart, so very nice, and just… really, really cool. I love you, Hope. I can't help but love you!" I grabbed her little hand in both of mine.

Here goes nothing…

“So… will you mar--”

I couldn’t even finish the sentence. You know why? Because I was rudely cut off. The bloody sound of Hope’s high pitched, piercing laughter cut me off like a harsh knife. The raucous peal of Hope's laughter drowned out all the words I was meant to say next, sending my soaring confidence into a spiralling freefall. "HAHAHA! Oh my days, Ezekiel! You're TOO funny!" She doubled over, not even trying to suppress the obnoxiously loud uproar, hands clutching her stomach as tear-inducing cackles of mirth poured out of her mouth.

That wasn’t meant to happen…

At this point, most of my fellow classmates joined in on the laughter. I felt my face begin to hot up in humiliation. Crestfallen, I opened and closed my mouth uselessly, trying to get another word in. I briefly glanced at Eshe, and she looked even more uncomfortable than she was at the start… Disappointed, too. And slightly apologetic. I looked across the room to where Sebastian and I were sitting, I saw that he was still there, but he didn’t look too happy at how things turned out. Even he knew this plan had backfired spectacularly. I desperately tried to regain control of this spiralling situation I’d suddenly found myself in.

"B-but I'm being serious!" I sputtered helplessly, my voice cracking with hurt and embarrassment as I fought back pitiful tears. That horrible sound only intensified from there.

Her mocking laughter reached fever pitch, each explosive bray beginning to feel like a physical blow. My vision began blurring as the salty tears escaped, the shame pouring over my face and burning my cheeks. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I pivoted on one foot and bolted out of the cafeteria, hoping my sudden retreat would spare me from further ridicule. But there was no escaping that awful noise. The sound of cruel mirth pouring out of that dreaded room. The mortification was too much for my fragile 5-year-old ego to bear. I hid by the coat pegs right outside our classroom. When I knew that I was finally alone, the dam broke. Broken sobs started coming out, wracking my tiny frame as the echoes of merciless cackles coming from the cafeteria chased after me, haunting my every step.

At that moment, I felt so small and stupid, like everyone was laughing at how pathetic I was for thinking a girl like Hope could ever want someone like me. I now refer to that feeling as “Kamani-ness.”

I cried for quite a while… right until I had no tears left. My face felt flooded with scorching embarrassment so intense I thought I might faint. What did I do wrong? Nothing went how I scripted it. Nothing went according to plan at all! This...this wasn't at all how I'd imagined it playing out. Where was the breathless joy? The teary acceptance of my gallant proposal? The swell of music and admiring applause?! Or at the very least, some basic dignity and respect. Like, she didn’t have to say yes to me. But there was no need to be that mean about it!

END OF EXCERPT.

Hope you guys enjoyed! I know it's a bit long lol. But I wanted to give the full flashback! I'm quite proud of it.

It leads to a full-on rivalry between the two kids... it's a lot of fun. They're sort of frenemies (like, they don't like each other, but they don't hate each other either. Plus, they're always hanging out. By choice).

Tagging these folks to go next if they wish: @mysticstarlightduck, @mjparkerwriting, @clairelsonao3, @gummybugg, @leisoree,

@isabellebissonrouthier, @fire-but-ashes-too, @winterandwords, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @sam-glade,

@toribookworm22, @sleepyowlwrites, @dragonedged-if, @yourlocalcryptidinthewoods, @soph1333,

@janec23, @jay-avian, @fayeiswriting, @rbbess110, @pb-dot,

and @the-stray-storyteller.

#rickie-the-storyteller #writerblr #writing #tags #writeblr tag games #writing share tag #untitled teen romcom

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itsaash · 8 months

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Hamptons Cubs continued....

We've got history together

The prompts from @noots-fic-fests have been invaluable in actually getting this AU written, with the character credit of course to @lumosinlove

Remember when personal chef Leo was invited by sweetheart Finn to bring his boyfriend up for the week to his house in the Hamptons? But then I left you on a cliffhanger on how Finn and Logan knew each other?? like 3 months ago?? Here's their backstory! (about 2000 words, rated T)

Read on ao3

Finn, for some unknowable reason, was taking History 1039: First Empires: Power and Propaganda in the Ancient World, and was actually looking forward to it each week. It was a smile in a crowd, a time slot highlighted deep green (which was the colour for good things, peaceful things), a moment to look forward to amid his absolutely manic final semester. And well, if he was being honest with himself, it was the time he saw Tremblay. Logan Tremblay. At a heavy wooden table, absolutely surrounded by reference books, he had learned Logan had played hockey as a kid, as Finn had too, and they’d traded hockey nicknames, seldom used now, and Tremzy had been a fixture in his colour-coded, highly precise day planner. Because if it wasn’t in the planner, it didn’t happen, and he needed those study sessions to happen.

Finn had known since freshman year that he needed another history class and had been putting it off, so here he was in his final semester, finally taking one. And the flutter in his heart whenever he sat down by Logan during the lectures made him appreciate his top notch procrastination skills.

The problem, one of the problems, is that history textbooks aren’t actually well written. Finn would find himself writing ‘we need to pick a theme here and stick to it’ in the margins. His book was marked up to the nines, comma splices fixed, bright orange highlighter over unnecessary details that only clog up the plot, and plenty of sky blue ballpoint pen notes of ‘where are we going with this?’.

But in this class he was expected to remember all those orange details? And had to write essays about the confusing dates and names and meandering themes? He should’ve picked a history class that covered a decade, tops. Any decade would do. This class was so broad it made his head spin. But, another class wouldn’t have had Tremzy in it, so.

So, their highly exclusive study group of two took up a permanent Wednesday evening slot of deep green in the planner. Logan could remember the dates and details and helped Finn with mnemonics so he could remember them too. They made up back-story and funny details to help Finn’s brain tie together a rambling plot. And Finn would read the textbook aloud to Logan on the days where he was too tired to read the English words and the scenes of ancient history would dance in the air between them as they helped each other learn.

The old fashioned study room had huge white candles in sconces around the room and the candles dripped their wax down the sides, within the glass containers. Finn stared at the patterns the wax made on the outside of the candle, tried to read them like tea leaves. Tried to remember dates and names and if that shade of green had always been the one associated with good things? The light from the candles sparkled off the glass holders and Finn knew that green would always mean good, now.

They were just weeks away from the end of the semester now, final essays in the final editing phase (the part Finn was actually good at. Logan may have learned quickly to send Finn his absolute earliest drafts, just to enjoy the sight of him opening his case of markers and highlighters with a flourish and smile). The sun was staying out later now, still shining as their evening study sessions went on into the night. They found themselves invited to a party at the hockey house after going to watch a Crimson game together. They had traded stories of their successes in junior hockey, and an injured player watching from the stands had joined their conversation and invited them to a party.

“Bruh, it’s gonna be summer vibes. We’re bringing on summer early. Wear florals or some shit. The chicks dig florals.”

Finn laughed, “I can probably manage that.”

“Make your outfit as colourful as your papers, Harzy,” Logan had teased. The player, Wags, upon hearing of Finn’s editing skills had desperately begged Finn to do just a quick edit of his last English paper. Finn agreed, laughing.

“Harzy, you’re a beaut! Fuckin comin through like a champ. Ok I gotta go join the boys for intermission pep talk but come by the house Saturday! Drinks all night for you two!” He pointed his crutch back at Finn and Logan as he walked away, “fuckin florals!”

Logan laughed and bumped Finn’s shoulder, “Yeah, Harzy, you beaut.”

Finn bumped Logan back. “Shut up. Roping me into editing in exchange for drinks. And you’re the one with flow,” he said, hitting the back of his hand into the bottom of Logan’s dark curls, which did flow just past his ears.

“Come on, as if your hair isn’t the nicest in any room,” Logan scoffed. He brushed his hand past Finn’s temple as if he was dismissing Finn’s thick red hair, but the touch lingered a bit longer than a dismissal would, and Finn drew his hand back as he felt the air thicken. Their eyes locked together for a long moment. Finn swallowed.

“I should head home,” Logan said, standing up, brushing imaginary dust off his pants. “Essay to finish. Colour coded editing to decipher.”

Finn laughed, tried to make it sound natural and not high and tight.

“Yeah, ok. If we stay here any longer we’ll start calling each other bruh.”

“Yeah, put a red line right through that shit, Harz,” Logan laughed. And the air settled back to normal around them, for now.

But they did call each other bruh the rest of the week.

~~~

The party was fun. Wags came through with the drinks and introduced Finn in every room as “a total lifesaver, bruh.”

They’d danced, and played beer pong (Logan was unfairly coordinated, even amidst a house full of athletes), and debated music and majors with the other students.

But by midnight Finn and Logan were happy to leave the hockey players to their ever stranger games, and Finn walked with Logan back to his dorm. They collapsed into one of the couches in the sitting room off the main entry, it seemed no one was partying here tonight.

“Have fun, Tremzy?” Finn asked through a yawn. Logan tipped his head back against the couch and was quiet for a long moment. “Yeah, it was fun. Do you miss it? Hockey? And the built-in friends?” Finn also tilted his head back, and turned his head towards Logan. He waved a hand in the air. “Yes, and no. The sport itself, I loved, would totally play some more. And I made some awesome friends. But the locker room culture overall isn’t quite where I wish it was? It made it hard, in the end, and I just stopped having fun.”

“Ouias, même chose. And I just wanted to focus on other things.”

They sat for a long minute beside each other, heads resting back and looking at each other. Something switched in the air, like one of the sconce candles had been lit, all of a sudden, on. And Finn leaned over and was kissing Logan before he even knew he was going to.

Logan was still for just a moment before he threaded his hand into Finn’s hair and pulled him closer. Finn held Logan’s jaw in both his hands, unbearably gently, and they settled into each other, the press and movement of lips against lips, jaw, ear, neck.

“I’m not gay,” Logan murmured against his mouth, after some minutes, and Finn backed away slightly.

“That’s ok, that’s fine,” Finn said. He kept his hand cupping Logan’s jaw, never wanted to touch anything else after this sacred skin against his fingertips. “I think I’m bi, but lately there have been more guys in my mind, so who knows.” Not guys, the inner editor in his mind corrected. Guy. Singular. Be specific with your words. It’s green eyes and broad shoulders that have been building a home in your mind. But Finn couldn’t make his mouth say these truths, not with Logan’s eyes looking that stormy and wild and worried.

He leaned in again, 80% of the way, ok maybe 95%, but then waited to see if Logan wanted more. Finn melted and felt like he might float away when Tremz leaned in to press their lips together again. It was soft and tentative but Logan’s grip against his bicep with one hand and side with the other transferred plenty of desire and care. Finn thought he might keep his hand on Logan’s jaw until his hand cramped, it felt so good and right there, the slight stubble soft enough to feel like the best texture toy in existence.

Their lips pressed together like a dance. For a while soft and sweet, just Logan’s fingertips on Finn’s biceps and Finn’s fingers in their new home. Then it turned hotter, deeper. They gripped tighter and moved skating fingers across each other’s chests and hips.

Finn slung a leg over both of Logan’s, still sitting beside him, not on him, but now turned fully towards each other so they could press their chests together in a gasp.

“I thought you liked girls,” Logan said, very unfortunately using his mouth to talk instead of kiss. “You talked about Hannah a lot back at the start of the semester.”

“I do like Hannah. I like a lot of people,” Finn said into the hinge of Logan’s jaw. I like you, his brain amended.

“Have there been, you said you’ve been thinking of boys? Have there been guys in your bed too?” Logan said slowly, accent heavy around the words, the sentence stumbling as his fingers traced up and down Finn’s side. Finn’s heart galloped ahead before he could answer. He pulled back slightly, feeling that Logan really wanted an answer.

“Well, no, not lately. I mean, I have … well I’ve had a lot of people in my bed honestly. But lately, no, no guys in my bed for ... quite some time.” At least two months, Finn thought. A bit more? Which in retrospect was not the norm for him, but he honestly hadn’t noticed the lack these past weeks. “Why? Are there guys in your bed? You haven’t told me about anyone you’ve hooked up with.”

Logan just shook his head, fingers gripping into Finn’s hips, but he didn’t lean in again. “No, there hasn’t been, I mean I’ve done stuff with girls, but I haven’t, merde,” Logan looked up at the ceiling before levelling his gaze at Finn. “Finn, you’re the first guy I’ve kissed.” Finn raised his eyebrows. “I honestly don’t know what, don’t know who I like,” he stuttered.

Finn traced his fingertips over Logan’s cheeks. “Do you like this?” He trailed his fingers down Logan’s neck. Logan nodded. “And this?” Finn leaned in to place a soft kiss just below Logan’s ear.

“Absolutely.” Logan tilted his neck to give Finn more access.

“Ok, well then, Tremzy, do you want to keep kissing me? You don’t have to. It’s so fine if you want to stop.”

Logan just leaned in and captured Finn’s mouth again and Finn let himself be kissed within an inch of his life.

Some time later they slowed, and stopped. They peppered small kisses across each other’s faces for a long time before actually stopping. Finn walked Logan up to his room holding hands. They kissed one more time at Logan’s door. Finn felt like the house around them may as well not be there, like he may as well be floating with Logan, under the stars, for as much as he took notice of anything other than the soft lips, the scruff of hair, the hard muscles under his hands. It felt a little bit like magic.

In the scheme of things, their history together included dozens of evenings together with books strewn about the heavy wood table, a difficult course that had been successfully navigated by the help of each other, moments of care and kindness and friendship. But that was one class, a handful of months, one kiss. Years ago.

They had continued to study after that night, proof-reading each other's essays. There had been more casual touching, a hand on a knee or a stroke across a back as they walked by, but they hadn’t kissed again. Finn thought maybe they would at the end of the semester. But then the semester ended in a whirlwind of exams and papers and best wishes from so many people and Finn had been travelling into the city to find an apartment on the weekends and doing job interviews at magazines and publishing houses. They just … hadn’t. And then he’d dropped his whole fucking bag onto the tracks that day in New York and he’d decided to switch to an android phone, and the kiss, and Tremzy, were a fond but distant memory.

Except, now here he was. Right in-fucking-front of him. At his house. For the next 10 days. With Leo. Leo was his boyfriend.

What the actual fuck.

#fic-o-ween 2023 #o'knutzy #Hamptons AU #characters by lumosinlove #harvard FinnLo

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favfics13 · 22 days

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Seventeen SMAU Recommendations

I Like You by @taeyegu

Summary — “i like you so much, i want to give you my everything, only for you…” (i like you, cho jung seok)

GAME DAY by @escapewriter

Summary: jeonghan was successful in getting you out of bed on a tuesday afternoon. what you thought was going to be a simple lunch that he would pay for, was actually a trick to make you finally go see him and the rest of your friends play their first game of the season. of course, the universe always messes with you so here you were at the nurses office with jeonghan’s teammate, treating your hurt ankle.

Iris Beauty ❀ by @wonunuu

Synopsis: you and mina have been best friends for as long as you remember. after your parents passed from a horrible car accident, mina's parents kindly took you in, tending and caring for you as their own. at such a young age, you have learned the meaning of debt as this is your constant feeling towards your best friend and her parents. to compensate, you have showed them undoubtable loyalty, respect, love and kindness, just as they have showed you; you do everything they tell you without question. so when your best friend asks you to pretend to be her in meeting a guy she has been talking to online, your loyalty and trust are tested when you unintentionally develop feelings for him.

AH! LOVE by @horangboosadan

Synopsis: by accident, you get added to a group chat where people are trying to find out whether jeonghan is in a relationship. five times they see you together and speculate, none the wiser you're in the group chat or whether you are dating or just really good friends.

Death By A Thousand Cuts by @ssssssssssssscoups

Synopsis: y/n loves books. she loves the way they make her feel any emotion, to get lost within the pages and words that suffocates her heart. jeonghan loves performing, loves the way his voice makes the public go wild. if they fall in love, will they fall out?

Pillow Talk by @goingneo

Yoon Jeonghan || in which the evil twins are truly evil... by @lololololchips

Synopsis: in which the evil twins are truly evil, or in other words in which joshua is truly evil when he decides it's a good idea to follow jeonghan around to "expose" his relationship, but things go the wrong way real quick

You Were Beautiful by @viastro

Summary: A modernized cinderella au in which you and joshua meet through your love for boba popsicles, but end up living out your very own complicated, mess filled, cinderella story.

Tom And Jerry by @leewonkyeom

Starstruck! by @cupidhaos

Summary: a university student and a renowned popstar encounter each other by chance one night. she thought that would be the last time they see each other, but fate had other plans

Little Secret by @haosvteen

Summary: joshua’s life was as ordinary as can be expected for an idol. that is until a girl drops her hat and he texts her only to discover she’s a fan…and he’s her bias. he likes talking to someone who doesn’t know he’s an idol, but he needs to keep it that way. she can’t find out he is actually joshua hong from seventeen.

Love Hard by @wondernus

Synopsis: kwon soonyoung loves too hard and falls in love too quickly, accidentally building a (very false!!!) fuckboy image that he can’t seem to get rid of. when his friends talk him out of proposing to a girl he went on 2 dates with, he finally realizes he has a big problem with love. signing up to appear on his university’s most popular youtube talk show to unload his baggage and fix his image? what could possibly go wrong?

Domino by @horangboosadan

Synopsis: A literature student with a procrastination problem and a dancing major who always says yes makes for an interesting combo of neither getting things done. It doesn’t help that there’s a best friend in the mix certain that the two will fall in love and makes sure they spend time together, only the two of them. Somehow, every deadline is still met. Even the amount of time expected before the start of a developing crush.

The Roomie by @zo-byeol

Summary: kwon soonyoung and his friends need a roommate. (y/n) just got evicted. It sounds simple enough, but really, is anything ever simple?

Retrouvailles ❦ by @wonunuu

Summary: happiness? are reunions always happy though? when you are reunited with someone you want to see the least, does it make you happy?

Bittersweet by @networkluvs

Synopsis: in which y/n and wonwoo are forced to share an apartment in secret.

To My Youth by @viastro

Synopsis: in a world where everyone finds out who loves them within a 10 meter radius through the app love alarm, confessing your feelings without the use of the app is no longer considered normal. however, you refuse to download it in hopes that you’ll be able to fall in love without being dependent on love alarm.

Clueless by @hanniedream

GAM3 BO1 by @horangboosadan

Synopsis: wonwoo tries his best to talk his noisy neighbor into being a little quieter. it just doesn't go exactly how he expected it.

My Melody by @networkluvs

Synopsis: in which you become the muse of the overly cocky rising rockstar on campus, kim mingyu.

I Just See You by @svtskneecaps

Summary: When an artist begins to frequent the café you do murals for, you know your life is going to get interesting. What you don’t know is that he’s also your favorite online artist. Shenanigans ensue.

Lie Again by @escapewriter

Summary: a world in which various types of the soulmate system apply, you just so happen to have one that is completely stupid; being able to hear what your soulmate thinks of. however, when your soulmate hums a certain tune, you cant seem to get it out of your head.

Two Minus One by @twogyuu

Synopsis: What’s a better way to find love in the modern day than through dating apps? Eight months after his breakup with his long-time girlfriend, Vernon is finally ready for the dating scene once more - or so he thought. Finding the new game of love more challenging than he remembered, he reaches out to you, Chan’s best friend and legendary wing woman, for help.

PANG! by @kkumawrites

Summary: You'd consider yourself a simple college student, a freshman who just wants to survive their first year - but things get complicated when you're suddenly falling for someone you definitely shouldn't be, especially since he has a girlfriend already.

Play It Again by @svtskneecaps

Summary: Every day is Friday, again and again. Time resets with the sunrise, leaving you stranded in a single day, over, and over, and over. Good thing you’re not alone.

Shit Show by @gamerwoo

💬🗯️💭 THOUGHTS ??? by @itadorins

one shot smau’s about svt being horrifically down abysmal in chronological order

Seventeen College Au Masterlist by @seventeen-teen-teen-trash

SVT Hospital by @taeyegu

WANTED : NEW ROOMMATE by @suhnshinehaos

Synopsis : when yn’s exchange student roommates leave, they are left with the unfortunate task of finding a new place to stay. lucky for them, a room just opened up at apartment 5c, complete with the most interesting group of people they could ever hope to meet.

REDAMANCY by @escapewriter

Summary: your best friend was lucky enough to have two boys pining after her. you on the other hand were unlucky enough to be in love with one of them.

Radio Star by @got-svt

Summary: when yn accepts a job at her campus’ radio station her first year in uni, she didn’t expect she’d be anonymously singing stressed out university students to sleep. now, a year and a half in, she didn’t expect that there’d be people trying to figure out her identity either.

Network Love + Without you by @cherrycheolliesc

summary: back from europe trip with a devastating heartbreak, yn tries to go through her junior year of uni with as little drama as possible, but still somehow ends up at the center of it every time.

Keep it Fruity by @cupidhaos

Summary: what other way to spend your summer but on an orange farm surrounded by cute boys?

Newsflash! + Move by @cupidhaos

Summary: university life can be hard when you get caught up with the SVT boys

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midnightdevotion · 2 years

Text

Name?

Hangman X reader

Warnings: uhhh none really? swearing I guess

a/n: This is part 1- hope you like it! 2k words

It's a hot end of summer day that you finally make it to your new home in small town California. Ready for a change of scenery and a slower paced life in a place where no one knows you or what happened to you.

You feel a simmering hope in your heart when you open the door to your new home. You're home. You knew you'd have your work cut out for you. Buying an older home at the steal you did, you were ready for the repairs of a lifetime. DIYing was about to become your new biggest hobby.

Shoving the old door open you grimace, the pictures definitely didn't make it look this bad. Shaking it off you decide that before you bring any of the minimal belongings you have with you, you should probably clean up a bit.

Running to the local grocery store, you find yourself slowly meandering around. Excited to start a new life yes, excited to clean up dust that has been collecting for 10 years not so much.

Truth is, you've always been a planner. You planned to graduate in marketing and start your career right after, you planned to buy your own home just out side of Boston, you planned to get married and raise you kids in that house, you planned every aspect you could about your life. It all went out the window the same minute you did out of that beautifully decorated Boston church. The minute you decided that Aaron wasn't what you wanted, the life you had started and were working so hard for wasn't one you wanted at all.

Your poor parents thought you were loosing your mind. To be fair not many people crawled out of a basement window in a church before marrying the CEO of Hansley Corp. You were supposed to be a Hansley by now, on your honeymoon in the south of France.

While you were thinking of how you ended up here staring at different dust sprays, you hear someone clear their throat.

"You know I never thought it was hard to pick out some dusting spay but you're making it look like the biggest decision of your life and I'm concerned I've been choosing wrong my whole life now" You let out a laugh before glancing over at the observant stranger.

"Well you know those pesky dust bunnies just piss me off" He raises a brow at your response, and you take him in fully. He's very attractive, with the whole blond hair green eye panty dropping smile thing he has going for him.

However, things in your life are complicated to say the least.

"no really I just got lost in thought- I may be procrastinating. You wouldn't blame me if you saw how much dust was waiting for me in my new house. "

"Now procrastination I understand very well, Can't be worse than some of the housing i've been assigned before" You glance back over him at that.

"army?"

"navy, I'm a Naval Aviator" If that is supposed to impress you, you can't tell, but you take note of it anyway.

"then yeah I can imagine the mess those seamen make" you find yourself cracking a grin at your own joke before you finish. His deep laughter coming from beside you has you filled with relief and something else you can't quite put your finger on.

"that was good-- You're new around here then" it's not so much a question as a statement but you find yourself nodding.

"Yeah, honestly I've been in town about an hour- You know where the hardware store is?" If he's shocked by your question he doesn't show it.

"yeah it's-- here I'll write the address down" and he flips the pad of paper he's holding and writing out an address for you. Are people always so nice in Small towns?

You're so use the hustle and bustle of Boston, that most the time you even look at a stranger you get a 'fuck off'.

"Thank you-- I have my work cut out for me on this new house"

"have you fixed up houses before?"

"Not even sort of, but now is a great time to start isn't it" you thank him again before diligently putting 8 bottles of pledge in your basket.

"Well uh- I'm new to small towns but I'm pretty sure it means I'll see you around..."

"My names Jake" You smile at that because it's so fitting.

"well I will see you around Jake" and with that you cart off, and it's not until your way out of sight that he realizes, he never got your name.

----

"No guys you don't understand she was gorgeous!"

"Oh we understand just fine hangman" Phoenix laughs

"Hangmans in looooooooveeee" is roosters reply, and he can't help but groan.

"I didn't even get her name" he sighs, Rooster and Phoenix share a glance, actually surprised how much hangman seems to be hung up on this.

"Look you said she just moved here right? So you will see her again and you can casually approach and see how she is settling in." and hangman could kiss rooster for having that idea.

"You're right" he plays with the toothpick in his mouth, refocusing on their game of pool, secretly hoping that he saw you again sooner rather than later.

---

"Motherfucking piece of shit" You kick the door that decided to get stuck, it doesn't budge. Sighing you look up to the lightly clouded sky, it's nearing 7 o'clock, you are exhausted, have a list a mile long to do and you can't even get inside your new home.

Kicking it one last time for good measure you almost cry out in joy that it opens. Hefting the box you had in your arms back up, you make your way inside the dusty entryway.

You didn't have much to bring in anyway- having chosen to sale all your furniture with your old house you had nothing more than a few boxes of personal belongings. Carrying them all into the master bedroom you decide to get to work. You start with dusting off the old countertops, which thankfully still look like a beautiful granite.

It takes you two hours to dust the kitchen and the living room, sweeping and vacuuming everything multiple times. Coughing when the dust kicks up and swearing like true sailor does.

It feels like the 90th time you've emptied the damn vacuum from how much you cleaned up. It's a solid 10pm when you decide that's all you can handle for the night.

You set up the cheap air mattress you bought earlier today in the middle of the furniture-less but very clean living room. Ordering a pizza and sighing as you think about the to-do list for tomorrow.

New door.

clean the rest of the house

order a damn bed

maybe buy some dishes.

You left it at four because you weren't sure how long cleaning the house would take you, or somehow taking off and putting on a new door? Can you even buy new doors same day?

You had so many questions and so many doubts about being able to do this, but when you think of the alternative- going back home to Boston, you decide you can do anything.

You get your pizza and eat in on your air mattress, watching some show on your phone like some sad frat boy. The ache in your back and tiredness behind your eyes is quick to catch up with you, lulling you into a sleep that despite being on an air mattress is pretty peaceful.

----

You awake to the sound of your door being knocked on. It startles you, you didn't know anyone in town why would someone be knocking at... 9:37 am? Groggily you slowly make you way to your door and fight it open. You don't expect to see a woman and her daughter staring at you.

"Hi! I'm Penny and this is Amelia, we live right next door- we've been waiting for a neighbor for years and we just wanted to welcome you" She thrusts a plate of cookies at you and you take it automatically.

"I um- wow that is so nice... I'm y/n it's definitely nice to meet you-- sorry for the groggy and unkempt look it's not how I usually answer doors" you almost grimace when you think how Aaron would've reacted to you opening the door like this.

"No worries- we woke you up, sorry for that by the way. We will get out of your hair but If you ever need a drink come down to the hard deck and it's on me for waking you!" you bid them a goodbye and shut the pain in the ass door. Shocked at the cookies in your hands and the politeness around town, but you like it, and it's definitely something you could get use to.

Placing the cookies on your counter you messily shove one in your mouth before heading up the stairs. You make quick work of dusting and vacuuming the master bedroom before you head into the shower.

You let the warm water slide over you and relax your sore muscles. Despite what one might think, climbing out of a church window- panic packing and driving 4 days to the other side of the country and then cleaning up an unholy amount of dust made you sorer than you could've thought. When you feel you've cleaned off any and all remnants of dust on your skin you climb out.

Quickly getting dressed and ready, you check your phone to see 42 missed calls from aaron and several from your friends and family. Deciding it wasn't going to be todays problem you lock it again and make your way down the stairs.

Finding jakes note for the hardware store you grin a little at his messy handwriting, it suits him. Giving the stubborn door a glare as you make your way out of the house.

Sighing as you stare at doors in the hardware store you here a small chuckle.

"we've got to stop meeting like this" you turn to see none other than Jake, who looks like he's working on a project of his own. His cart full of varying tools.

"if I didn't know better all those tools look like you might be ready to start serial killing" He laughs.

"No no, just helping my buddy fix his back porch- what did these poor doors do to you?"

"Nothing-yet. I just don't know which one I like better"

"I'd go with this one personally, it's strong and secure for safety and you could paint it any color once your done remodeling"

"hmmm that's a good point" you grin at him.

"thanks for being my small town savior once again" He gives you a cheeky smile right back.

"it's what I'm here for" you detect a small twang to his voice and decide to ask him another time about where he is from.

"Hangman!" his head moves to that, the shout coming from a couple aisles down.

"well I guess I should get back to the pain in the ass"

"Hangman?" you question before he makes his escape.

"Oh yeah it's my callsign- all pilots have one and it basically becomes our names after that."

"Oh well good to know, have fun Jake" be wishes you fun with the door picking process too- a strange sense of butterflies filling him as he makes his way to the stubborn mustached man, you still called him Jake.

and god dammit he forgot to ask your name again.

---

Taglist:

@captainmarvelnerd

@averyhotchner

@alanadetigy

@luckyladycreator2

@multiplefandomsmess

@tkmarvel-divergentbish

@ohh-to-be-a-frog

@roosterschanelslut

@americaarse

@malindacath

@atarmychick007

@trikigirl271

@lustfulseonghwa

@smoothdogsgirl

#top gun #top gun maverick #jake hangman seresin x you #hangman seresin x reader #hangman x you #hangman #hangman top gun #Jake seresin #hangman x reader #Jake seresin x reader #Jake hangman seresin

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subwaytostardew · 1 month

Note

I'm kinda curious, do you guys have a rough idea of when this mod will be released/when do you want it released? I swear to whatever God exists I'm not trying to push for anything I'm just morbidly curious XD ^^"

—Rando Anon

I wish I could say the year anniversary of starting this but that's in 4 days and I'm still sloughing through redoing the portraits to not be super blurry without HD Portraits (which still isn't updated yet...) It takes me about 1-2 days per portrait sheet. There are 10+ portrait sheets I still need to remake. Then I need to go back and fix the events that broke (rip Pokemon animations).

Aside from that, at the very least I'd like to get Emmet's 10 heart event done (I'm sorry Emmet), finalize Ingo's letters (been procrastinating on that... too many words), and finish the station repair events.

There's still a few side events in our drafts that I'd like to finish (I could start on the after-event for the second Saloon event now that I have Chandelure done...), but we were thinking about leaving some things for later updates so we can release the "base mod". This would include things like Elesa's events and Cilan being added as a roommate option. We'll probably do marriage events later as well since we have quite a few date ideas but no scripts for that just yet... Plus we want to work on platonic routes for those not interested in that kind of thing anyways! Wouldn't be fair to postpone a release for something half of their passengers don't want to pursue. As of right now though, it's still very unfinished even with later patches in mind.

"Main" events usually take me about a month to complete, so Emmet's 10 heart will probably push back release by a month alone (and we'll see how long that will be... we need to sprite a lot of assets for it). Station events aren't too bad since we aim to have them be shorter; the first bundle completion event took only a day to finish. Most of the work in the station is figuring out shops and such (need a cafe for Cilan).

I don't think we'll take another year to release since we have quite a bit done, but I'd say a few months...? That's not set in stone though! If another April 25th passes without a release, pretend I didn't say this!

▷ Station Steward Thylak

#mail car connecting line #Roommate submas will probably be worked on alongside the marriage events patch because... it's fun time together.#I don't want either route to feel like they're missing on anything

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dreaminginthedeepsouth · 3 months

Text

Sparrow’s Guide To Meditation BY SPARROW JANUARY 2020

The Sun

I HAVE MEDITATED twice a day virtually every day since 1974. That means I have spent approximately twenty-two solid months of my life in meditation. This alone qualifies me to write this guide.

EARLY IN MY meditation career, I scrupulously filled out a daily chart supplied by my meditation group, the Ananda Marga Society. For some reason I vividly remember these charts. In the late 1970s I would sometimes miss an evening meditation, I am ashamed to say. I would go to a party, get home at two in the morning, and fall asleep. But since 1980 I have meditated twice a day without fail. If I leave a party at two in the morning now, I meditate on the subway or force myself to sit for fifteen minutes before sleep. (Though I always meditate before bed, I procrastinate my morning sitting as long as possible — sometimes until 6 PM.)

I AM PROUD of my consistent meditation practice, but you need not be so obsessive. You may meditate for three minutes, skip a week, then meditate on a Thursday for five minutes. Be a rebel! Consistency is a virtue of bureaucrats, not mystics.

I FIND MEDITATION slightly excruciating, to be honest. It’s boring, frustrating — humiliating, actually. And even after forty-five years I can’t seem to “still” my mind.

So why pursue this treacherous path? For one thing, I’d be too embarrassed to stop. For another, I’m addicted to it. If I put off my first meditation until evening, I get a strange sensation in my brain, as if it were filled with styrofoam; as if all the images I’ve seen that day have cluttered up my head. After I finally do my meditation, I open my eyes and feel … normal. This is quite similar to how junkies describe heroin addiction. At first you feel an extraordinary high, but after two years you take the drug just to stop feeling awful.

MY GOAL FOR this guide is not to offer detailed, step-by-step instructions. (Luckily, Meditation for Dummies and The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Meditation both exist.) But here are the basics:

Sit comfortably, either in a chair or cross-legged on the floor. (You may wish to use a firm cushion.) Try to keep your spine as straight as possible, without being rigid. Close your eyes. Pay attention to your breathing, noticing the breath entering and leaving your nostrils (or your mouth, if that’s how you breathe). You’re not trying to breathe slowly — or quickly, for that matter — just noticing the flow of air in and out. After three or four minutes, stop. Unless you’re desperate to keep meditating; then go for as long as you like.

How was it? Sometimes the first sitting is extremely powerful. Most of the time it’s about as memorable as using an ATM.

QUITE POSSIBLY YOU shouldn’t meditate. But if you’re determined to try, it’s not terribly difficult. Just expect to waste time twice a day, and you’ll do fine.

MEDITATION TEACHES THAT change is constant. You fool yourself into believing that you are a fixed entity, but you are not. You are a river of transforming whims. This sounds like some Buddhist abstraction, but if you actually try to meditate, even for three minutes, you’ll discover that it’s true.

WHILE YOUR EYES are closed in meditation, you don’t actually exist. Your body has disappeared. Your social identity is gone. What’s left? Not much. Just a puddle of anxieties and a vague sense of continuity. You believe these disparate thoughts are coming from your “self,” but are they? Maybe they are somehow being placed in your mind by a creepy professor with a mind-control machine! Try not to think about this. It may lead to insanity. (There is a small danger of going insane from meditating too much, but your constant inability to concentrate will modulate that threat.)

MEDITATION TEACHES HUMILITY and patience, because you must constantly confront that most disappointing person: yourself.

THE INEVITABILITY OF failure is the main lesson of meditation. It is preparation for all the other failures in your life.

I SIT MUCH more today than I did in 1974, but I don’t feel that I’m making progress. If anything, I seem to be slightly more distracted. The only difference is in how I react to a crisis: If a subway train stops in a tunnel, I just pull out a book and read. If a fight breaks out in a bar, I don’t panic — or, at least, everyone around me panics more. Perhaps meditation teaches us to differentiate between problems we can solve and problems we can’t.

IN THE EARLY 1990s I met the poet Thaddeus Rutkowski in the East Village of Manhattan. We discovered that we had both attended Cornell University at the same time. In fact, we’d lived in the same dorm, Sperry Hall. Thaddeus, who has a remarkable memory, began naming residents of the hall, most of whom I’d forgotten.

“Did you know Mike Motel?” he inquired.

“I was Mike Motel,” I replied. That was the name I went by in college.

“But you’re nothing like him!” Thaddeus remarked. “He was a nervous, hyper guy, and you’re very calm and relaxed.”

This is the one piece of evidence I have that meditation works.

SOME BOOKS ON meditation imply that you’ll quickly stumble upon inner peacefulness. Actually the precise opposite is true. You may think you’re a fairly calm, centered person, but the minute you cross your legs and attempt to count your breaths, you’ll discover there’s an out-of-control 2 AM disco inside you — in fact, two discos, each playing separate songs at ear-splitting volume, each filled with frantic dancers in mismatched polyester.

MEDITATION IS SLOW — as slow as the moon crossing the sky. If you want to change quickly, use drugs.

THIRTY YEARS AGO I went to the beach with my parents, my sister, and my brother-in-law. At one point I sat in the sand and meditated. Afterward my brother-in-law said, “That was amazing! A volleyball player ran into you, and you didn’t even notice.”

“I felt someone brush by me,” I replied.

“No, that guy ran right into you!”

Maybe I actually am good at meditation, I thought.

AFTER WE REACH our forties, we begin to notice how swiftly time passes. We can’t slow its relentless pace, but with meditation we can come close. When you sit in silence with eyes closed, an hour can become seven, or occasionally open into a spacious eternity.

THERE IS A deep and hideous truth that we all spend our lives avoiding. That’s why we constantly chatter with friends, go to Lakers games, and spend hours on Facebook: we’re desperate to distract ourselves from this one heartless fact.

Meditation asks: Suppose we stop running from the nameless demon. Suppose we turn and behold its twisted, ugly face. What will happen?

OF THOSE WHO practice meditation, some give up, because trying to still the mind is futile and absurd. Others continue meditating, because trying to still the mind is futile and absurd, but they have a taste for absurdity.

IN 1984 MY girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I went to a Benedictine monastery near Elmira, New York, and meditated almost continually for two days. Was it better than weeping? I don’t know. I’m not very good at weeping. If I’m really miserable, I may cry two tears. This is the problem with being an American male.

MY WIFE AND I met at a poetry workshop in the East Village in 1985. The group met every Saturday from September until May. One day Violet and I both arrived early. We were the only ones in the room and sat on opposite sides of the table. For no apparent reason, we stared wordlessly into each other’s eyes, descending into infinite silence. This is a type of meditation called traspaso, because it “trespasses” the ego boundaries. Violet and I were not particularly friendly before that, but we’ve now been married twenty-eight years. This is the sort of bond wordless concentration can create.

MEDITATION IS A lot like marriage: You begin in pursuit of ecstasy and eventually settle for mild contentment. After twenty years you realize that contentment itself is a kind of ecstasy.

ONCE YOU COMMIT yourself to a meditation session, the room’s temperature suddenly becomes evident. You notice that you’re uncomfortably chilly or hot. But is it so unpleasant that you should stop meditating and get a sweater, or remove a sweater? A dialogue begins between the part of you that’s meditating and the part of you that’s never meditating:

Meditator: I’ll be all right.

Nonmeditator: You’ll catch a cold! You’ll regret this for two weeks!

Meditator: You worry about everything.

Nonmeditator: You worry about nothing.

Meditator: I’m not supposed to be worrying. I’m supposed to be meditating. [Grows silent.]

Nonmeditator: You’ll catch a cold.

Meditator: Shut up!

IN MEDITATION YOU become vividly aware of breathing. The rest of the time we don’t notice our inhalations and exhalations, but closing the eyes brings this mostly involuntary action to the forefront of awareness. Breathing is a quiet internal labor that never ceases. We are completely dependent on an invisible ocean of air to sustain us. Air is much like God: an unseeable, omnipresent entity that gives us life.

MEDITATION MAY BE viewed as an action or as an abstention from action. In the first case, its merits are debatable. In the second, they are indisputable. Quite possibly meditation will get you nowhere, but most of us have a desperate need to be nowhere. Modern existence is a constant contemplation of brightly lit screens. We live our lives on the edge of a headache, with no escape from ubiquitous stimuli. It’s highly salubrious to sit twice a day and search for the Absolute, if only because it forces us to turn off the fucking TV.

WE LIVE IN a visual culture. When a young woman wants to know how to tile a floor, she searches for a video on YouTube. To entertain ourselves, we stream a movie on the laptop or binge-watch TV shows. In such a culture meditation is radical, because it removes our field of vision. When you close your eyes, the world becomes limited to the sounds of passing cars, workers hammering in the distance, and muffled voices. Sound-reality is much more fluid than visual-reality. A mooing cow can become a laughing man.

IS IT POSSIBLE that everyone who possesses wisdom does some form of meditation? Yes. You can almost see in people’s faces how many hours they’ve sat in silence.

“STRUGGLE IS THE essence of life,” my guru used to say. And meditation is certainly a struggle. For eight years I was a substitute teacher. Meditating is a lot like forcing a class of unruly thirteen-year-olds to study irregular verbs.

AROUND FIFTEEN YEARS ago trees began speaking to me. I don’t usually hear words — I just have a sense of consolation and guidance — but sometimes there is a distinct message. A tree in Brooklyn said to me today: Most of the time we seek what we don’t have, but sometimes we seek what we already have. This tree is describing meditation.

AS I STUMBLED into the Church of the Most Holy Redeemer on East 3rd Street in Manhattan, the priest was giving a sermon. “Put Christ first,” he said. “If you put yourself first, your life will be troubled. If you put Christ first, your life will be full of blessings.” You can have all the pleasures of the world, he explained, so long as Christ still comes first. (What a deal!)

I’m saying the same thing: Put meditation first. Meditate twice a day, if only for three minutes. Don’t give up anything else in your life. Don’t change your diet. Just put meditation first, for six minutes a day.

NEVER TRY TO “live in the moment.” It’s like attempting to shrink your body down to the size of a molecule.

MEDITATION IS AN optimistic practice. The theory is that, by closing your eyes (or leaving them half open) and doing nothing, you can change your consciousness. Most people are too pragmatic to accept this harebrained notion, but scientific studies suggest that it’s true.

YOU DON’T HAVE to meditate upon waking each morning. You can wait till you’re in a doctor’s waiting room filled with frayed copies of Family Circle magazine. Or stay in the car while your husband goes into Best Buy. Close your eyes; count your breaths. Don’t expect inner awakening. Don’t expect happiness. Prepare yourself for boredom and mild exasperation. After a few minutes you’re free to return to the manifold distractions of earthly life.

MEDITATION IS AN elusive subject to describe. It’s like writing about the color blue.

IN THE EARLY 1970s, there were numerous slogans to summarize the spiritual life: “Be here now.” “Love, serve, remember.” “The universe is perfect.” “Everything is everything” was probably my favorite. They all seem archaic now, like Coca-Cola ads from the 1920s. In this apocalyptic era of hurricanes, mass shootings, Donald Trump, ISIS, and millions of refugees, no one wants to “be here now.” Everyone wants to watch Game of Thrones while simultaneously texting on a cell phone.

MEDITATION IS LIKE practicing the guitar, but without the guitar.

THERE AREN’T MANY synonyms for meditation in English. Ananda Marga uses the term sādhanā, which derives from the Sanskrit for “effort.” I’ve invented other phrases to describe meditating: “brain-cleansing,” “cross-legged nonthinking,” “silence-chewing,” “mind-yoga.” Sometimes I refer to meditation as “self-kidnapping”: you stick a revolver in your own ribs, throw a bag over your head, and drive yourself to a warehouse where you sit in silence, awaiting ransom.

IT’S A BIG mistake to expect joy and happiness from meditation. That’s like expecting bliss from a bag of pinto beans. It’s much more logical to expect bafflement: Why am I meditating? What can this possibly achieve? These questions recur throughout the decades.

I DON’T MEDITATE to achieve mystical heights, but rather to appreciate the rest of my life. I want to wash the dishes with gratitude, like a slow-motion dance.

Mostly, though, I meditate to “kill time.” (I like this violent, somewhat outdated phrase.) Once you have murdered time, you can continue with the rest of your day nonviolently.

MEDITATION IS LARGELY a pretense. Sitting with eyes closed and legs elegantly folded, you resemble an ancient sage. Inside, you’re still the same idiot you always were.

ONE VIRTUE OF meditating is that you learn to forgive yourself: each day you fail at pure concentration, and each day you compassionately accept your failure. Ideally this self-forgiveness will lead to friend-forgiveness, spouse-forgiveness, even world-forgiveness.

MY PARENTS WERE Communists, and my father used to tell this joke: A Communist is giving a speech. At a climactic moment he shouts, “Come the revolution, we’ll all have strawberries and sour cream!” A voice from the back of the crowd replies, “But I don’t like strawberries and sour cream!” The orator pauses, then announces, “Come the revolution, you’ll like strawberries and sour cream!”

This joke conveys a great paradox of political transformation: Just jailing all the capitalists and setting up an equal distribution system is insufficient. Individuals must evolve somehow. We need personal transmutation, what the Soviets called a “new man.” But how do we create this new self? The best tool for self-transformation I’ve found is conscious breath-awareness. Crystals are worthless. Incense is annoying. New-age music is awful. Most “spiritual” books are nonsense. What’s helpful is to sit still and observe the fretful mind.

WE ALL LIE to ourselves every day, especially about our emotions. We tell ourselves we’re happy when we’re actually anxious, dismayed, resentful. When you close your eyes and listen to your breathing, you discover what a liar you are.

THE BIGGEST SURPRISE about meditating — and it remains a surprise after four decades — is how ineffective I am at controlling my own thoughts. In normal life my mind seems to work fine: I choose words and say them. I tell my hand to move, and it does. But closing my eyes and attempting to quiet my thoughts is almost impossible. The mind is a formidable adversary! You try to shut out the world, and the world pours in. You go to a quiet room and close your eyes, and suddenly you remember your fourth-grade teacher, or a friend you haven’t seen in thirty-seven years, or a visit to Puerto Rico. The riches of this earth arrive, in disarray.

Sometimes, though, you can undress the mind — remove, one by one, the mind’s habitual garments. Afterwards the mind stands momentarily naked.

EACH OF US feels that we are separate from our environment, an island of ego looking out through eyeholes. In fact, our lungs are in constant dialogue with the atmosphere, and with all the earthly plants and animals producing that atmosphere. This dialogue literally gives us life. Separation is illusory; atmospheric unity is truth.

JOAN OF ARC heard celestial voices in church bells. Dr. Seuss wrote his first book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, after taking a trip to Europe and hearing the ship’s engines say the title over and over.

I suspect that invisible beings are constantly speaking to us: through a stream, or the wind, or the subway. Meditation may open our ears to these benevolent voices.

THERE ARE MANY arguments against meditation. One is that it shields us from the passions and grime of the world. It creates a manufactured bliss, immune to the oscillations of human emotion. Is it really better to stay in a middle range of emotion than to have highs and lows? Don’t we occasionally want to fall into a rage, burst out weeping, or scream at traffic?

As a prospective meditator — or a current one — you should consider this problem.

HAS MEDITATION IMPROVED my life? I can’t tell. There’s only one of me. If I had an identical twin who’d never meditated, scientists could examine the two of us and analyze the differences. As it is, I can only guess. I do suspect that, had I never performed sādhanā, trees would not speak to me.

IF MEDITATION IS addictive, is it any better for us than drugs? Undoubtedly. Old stoners ruin their lungs. Speed freaks die young. Cokeheads inflate their egos and eventually go bankrupt. Meditation makes one younger, not older. It “strengthens the immune system,” as we say nowadays.

INCREMENTAL PROGRESS APPEALS to me. I apply this method to books and records. I just finished the opera Gianni Schicchi, which I listened to in two-minute increments over the course of five months. Meanwhile I was nibbling away at Jane Austen’s Persuasion. Each day I tootle a brief improvisation on my plastic flutophone.

I enjoy the idea of slowly achieving mastery.

THE MOST PAINFUL place to meditate is in a quiet room with a ticking clock. I would rather do my sitting practice in the midst of the Russo-Japanese War than next to tick-tock, tick-tock.

MEDITATION IS SUPPOSED to empty the mind the way a pump empties water from the bilge of a ship. To be honest, I never quite feel empty after I’ve meditated. But I do feel emptier.

ACTUALLY ONCE IN my life I did feel empty. In 1975, the day after attending a retreat with Swami Muktananda in Ocala, Florida, I was walking down a sidewalk and saw an azalea bush. Suddenly I had no thoughts! I could see the azaleas lucidly, without any interference from ideas, concepts, memories. I felt fulfilled, timeless — and a little scared: What if I never had another thought again?

Since then, I haven’t stopped thinking.

ONE DANGER OF meditation is the “rubber-band effect.” My old friend Satyamundi coined this term in 1979 for the tendency to “snap back” after long periods of virtuous and selfless action. Satyamundi would be scrupulous in his spiritual practices for months, then suddenly run off to visit a prostitute. So don’t try to be perfect.

MY FRIEND BARIUM was telling me he had started to write a book about his sex life. “Then I realized,” he said, “I don’t have a very interesting sex life.”

“How do you know?” I replied. “You can’t see what anyone else is doing in the bedroom. And porn is no help — those people are just acting.”

Meditation is the same way. I have no idea whether my meditation life is exemplary or lousy. There’s even a meditational equivalent to porn: videos of swamis entering samādhi (union with the divine). But, just like porn actors, these swamis may be pretending. It’s as easy to fake spiritual bliss as it is to fake sexual ecstasy.

I’M CAT-SITTING FOR a phlegmatic tabby named Baby. Last night was the first time I meditated in the house, and Baby playfully rubbed her muzzle on my folded hands. Perhaps cats are drawn to a meditator because they sense it’s a person aspiring to be catlike.

MEDITATION IS THE closest humans come to purring.

AT SOME POINT your practice will be threatened — by a sudden emergency, a family crisis, a crucial deadline. Feel free to stop meditating or, conversely, to charge into the face of the enemy and meditate twice as long.

WISDOM IS FOUND not in books or intellectual lectures but in the struggle to hear silence.

I PROJECT AN unnecessary piety on my meditation practice. Meditating should be the same as taking a shower: an act of renewal without “spiritual” connotations.

IF YOU OFFER your meditation to God, it becomes a prayer. If you offer your meditation to the universe, it becomes an affirmation. If you offer your meditation to humanity, it becomes activism.

DON’T BE AFRAID of the word God, but don’t get too excited about it either.

BOB JACOBSON WAS an artist who lived in a trailer near me in the Catskills. The outside of his home was an art gallery of sorts, bedecked with paintings he’d made on aluminum panels. He also carved abstract wooden sculptures in his front yard.

“No one knows how to look at art anymore,” Bob once told me. “You should be able to gaze at a painting for an hour.”

A few months later he elaborated: “You can look at anything as if it’s a painting. Sometimes I’ll go into the woods and just stare at the scene in front of me as if it were a Cézanne canvas.”

Bob Jacobson died a few weeks ago. I just realized he was teaching me meditation.

YOU RECHARGE YOUR cell phone by plugging it into an electric current. You recharge your mind by plugging it into the Vast Oceanic Current of the Universe.

THE MESSAGE OF meditation is: “You already have everything you need — if not forever, at least for the next ten minutes.”

* * * *

SPARROW lives in a hamlet deep in the Catskill Mountains. After turning sixty-five, he modified his broccoli rabe recipe to include chopped prunes.

#Sparrow #The Sun Magazine #meditation #contemplation #humor #self-help #life itself

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