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ms-demeanor · 6 months

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I think the eight alarms thing is usually a maladaptation. You've trained your brain to ignore the eight alarms because you kept avoiding the training of willpower following the first alarm would require. I think some sleep therapy might help?

Hey so first of all fuck you, thanks.

Second: I love it when you read literature on sleep disorders, especially if it's on sleep disorders among folks with ADHD, and you see time and time again "when allowed to sleep on their preferred schedule subjects maintained healthy, normal, restorative sleep cycles" and "effects were not lasting without ongoing intervention; resetting the sleep schedule is a permanent effort."

Like, if I sleep *great* from 6am to 2pm and I wake up feeling rested and alert with no special help but I need to turn off the lights in my house and shut down all electronics at 8pm and beam a spotlight into my face starting at 5am to wake up at seven and feel exhausted all day, I think perhaps it is not actually my sleep cycle that is wrong it is perhaps society that is wrong.

BELIEVE ME, when I find the job that pays well and has decent insurance that lets me exist as a cheerful nighttime ghoul I am jumping on that with both feet. But until then I literally feel better getting six hours of sleep and occasionally sleeping so hard that i can't hear my alarms because of chronic sleep deprivation than I do turning off all the lights in my house and ceasing all activity two and a half hours after I get off of work.

Also: the eight alarms aren't all there to wake me up, it's just that sometimes I *also* sleep through the ones that are supposed to remind me to go sit at my desk and start work. One of the first three usually gets me up, but on a day when I sleep through all three of those I will be sleeping through all eight of them and usually a phone call and someone trying to shake me awake to.

ANYWAY after being treated with melatonin and light therapy and staring listlessly at the ceiling in the dark bored out of my skull with racing thoughts for sleep disorders that I didn't have for like twenty years the single most effective intervention that allowed me to get more sleep as someone with both ADHD and DSPD was to start hanging out and being active in places where it would be easy to fall asleep if the sleep caught me there instead of turning my bedroom into a dark, silent shrine of snoozing. Giving myself permission to fall asleep late instead of laying awake chewing myself up with guilt for not being asleep helped too.

Actually here's some tips for the sleepy bitches in the crowd:

1 - If you're laying down and not falling asleep in half an hour, you're not actually sleepy; read something or get up and do something because you're more likely to get sleepy faster that way than you are staring at the clock going "if I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and forty five minutes of rest when I have to go to work; If I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and twenty minutes of sleep when I have to get up, etc. etc."

2 - Allow yourself to be ambushed by sleep. Fall asleep on your cozy couch. Fall asleep in the comfy chair. Let yourself sleep where you fall asleep instead of dragging yourself to where you're 'supposed' to sleep if doing so will wake you up.

3 - The mythbusters thing. If you just lay down and close your eyes and pretend to rest you will feel more rested when you get up than when you laid down. Laying down to rest is better than nothing, it literally causes cognitive improvements similar to sleep in tests, and knowing that can help take off some of the pressure of not being able to fall asleep and can thus help you fall asleep.

4 - It's okay to "hang out" in the area where you're going to sleep. Read in bed. Play games on your cellphone in bed. If you want to go to sleep put on comfy clothes and bring a chill activity and hang out in your bed to do it so that all you have to do when you start getting sleepy is close your eyes.

5 - It's better to get some sleep than no sleep. Sometimes you look at the clock and it's six AM and whoops, fuck it. Okay, time for bed, don't stress that you're only going to get a few hours, a few hours is better than nothing. Lay down to pretend to rest at least and you'll probably feel okay.

6 - This one sounds silly and might not work for a bunch of people for a bunch of reasons but apparently there's some research suggesting that "well-rested" is a state of mind? I've had a reasonable amount of success with just telling myself "Yeah, I actually feel pretty good," and pushing through the day on a couple of hours of sleep. I don't *recommend* that and you should try to get as much sleep as possible, but yeah the next time you're low on sleep see what happens if you just try to decide to not be tired. It sounded like bullshit to me when I first heard it but I've found some success with it.

7 - This shit is cumulative. If you're doing a couple nights a week on low sleep that's not ideal but you're probably going to be pretty functional and you can work on it. If you overbook and overextend yourself for too long - I'm looking at you college students and new parents - it's going to add up. Try as much as possible to at least keep your sleep deficit nights spread out. (This message brought to you by writing 60k words of fiction in october and completely frying my brain because i wasn't getting enough sleep).

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helladventurers · 11 months

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Sleepy bitch mode going strong today 😪 am struggling to even stay awake despite the fact i slept for almost 12 hours

#having sleep disorders is fun #you either stay awake for 3 days unless you take meds or you sleep for half an entire day and your body goes 'not enough sleep another 12'#also thanks fate for teaching me the phrase 'sleepy bitch mode' it's my favorite combination of english words ever

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subparcarrion · 1 month

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CW//TW: kinda vent, discussion of tics and tic attacks (and some of the aftermath for me), discussion of high stress and anxiety situations, cussing/cursing, discussion of physical pain, discussion of pills.

(ACTUAL POST UNDER CUT.)

So... yeah,,,

Tic attacks, gonna have to go with ☆☆☆☆☆/★★★★★ (0/5). Especially at close to four in the morning at a sleepover.

Not really sure why I'm deciding to put it out on the internet, but I guess I wanna talk about it or smth. And with March break and my crippling social anxiety the closest I've come to talking about it irl is a quick "that was kinda traumatic ngl" to a close friend over text.

In retrospect it makes sense, it's the most stressed I've been in a while now paired with a lot of just having to be constantly "on" and feeling scared to say no.

For context I did a pseudo babysitting job for a family friend from around mid afternoon to nearly midnight. I then decided to go a sleepover with my friends late since they had been kind enough to move the date so I could attend. (Probably not the best idea for the future who has a bad anxiety disorder and probably a lot of other stuff, but when have I ever said no.)

The job itself was pretty stressful but the kid and her mom's are super nice and did their best to accommodate me, so that was really nice. (They also paid me really well when I would have honestly done if for free so I'm not gonna complain. Anything bad was kinda just unavoidable considering it was me who was doing the job.)

Im also not really gonna bitch about the sleepover too much, my friends are lovely, the timing just made things rough.

Since I was arriving so late we hung out for like an hour and then went to bed (at least tried to go to bed), a lot of tha time was just kinda spent getting ready for bed though. There's nothing wrong with that, I just ended up feeling a little like I had missed out on the best part of stuff. (Again, no one else's fault.)

Everyone else fell asleep pretty quick, however I was not tired at all. It wasn't unexpected though, going from one high stress situation to another doesn't really let you let your guard down. Let alone feel properly sleepy.

So I just kinda did some stuff on my phone for thirty minutes to see if I would get tired and then decided to finally turn in for the night still very much all to aware of everything.

At this point it's probably important to mention that everyone in my froend group has at least a passing interest in a game called "The Stanley Parable". And if you didn't know you can go into an elevator in that game, and it kinda just plays this goofy elevator music in loup until you leave.

It is thus tradition in my friend group to play the elevator music while we fall asleep at any and all sleepovers where it is possible and everyone is chill with it.

The elevator is kinda some basic lyricless pop-ish kinda techno song where you can occasionally, if you listen closely enough hear the narrator hum along with the tune. The song itself is a certified banger, but I was stressed as fuck and hyperaware of everything. It was safe to say it was driving me crazy, especially the humming part.

I didn't really have any means to turn it off though and I would feel bad doing it. After all, I had agreed to it any it would be distruptful to try since it was super late and the room was pretty packed. To move around too much would probably wake someone up. (Wow, foreshadowing or smth.)

I never really got to sleep and it was around late three in the morning, nearly four when shit really started to hit the fan.

(Another bout of context before I continue: so I've had what I'm just calling tics at this point for about a year now, maybe a bit longer. At least that's when they started getting really noticeable and causing real problems for me. Personally for me it's mostly motor ticks that get much worse in stressful situations. Stressful situations being an iffy description that could cover pretty much anything on acount of the anxiety disorder. Albeit over time it has developed into mostly motor ticks with occasional verbal ones.

I can have periods where they are happening very few times a day and then ones where they are happening several times a minute, either way they never really go away. I had been doing pretty good tick wise before this whole ordeal, now it's definitely leaning towards the worse, more disruptive and painful side.)

It started off with a ciuple of my usual motor tics, getting more and more aggressive very quickly. For the most part these would consist of things like my shoulders jumping up and hitting the vase of my head and neck or my hands doing weird shit.

By the time the verbal tics started the motor tics were so aggressive and frequent they were getting pretty painful. This would be the same time I would start making small squeaks as a verbal tick.

It became pretty clear after that this wasn't stopping any time soon so I sat up and used my pillow to cover my mouth in hopes to muffle the noise so I wouldn't wake anyone.

This was the point where something changed and my tics got the worst they'd ever been. It went from squeaks to small screams and loud grunts. And I was just sitting there in pain scared out of my mind for nearly and hour before the noise finally woke up my friends. Cuz despite all my effort a pillow can't hide constant screaming for very long.

When my friends woke up they were reasonably concerned, they knew I had tics that could occasionally get kinda bad but this was the worst it had been, and I could barely explain through the ticks that it had been going on for about an hour. There was definitely no way I was calming them down, and in all fairness I was freaking out too and they handled the whole shitshow remarkably well.

They probably spent twenty minutes or more trying to calm me down or help, but nothing was working, in fact it might have been getting worse. One of my friends also tried Google-ing it, but Google pretty much said drug him or ignore them were feasible options for yours truly, the little bitch boy.

My friend eventually got their mom and I regained enough control to pack my shit and got driven home. I downed as much sleeping and pain meds as I was allowed to take and continued ticking until I passed out.

Idk,,, not a particularly entertaining story, ig I just wanted to get it out somewhere.

As for me right now, it's been two days and I can't go five minutes without some sort of tic at most.

However, I'm feeling somewhat better, even if my neck hurts like shit.

I suppose that's all, thanks for listening to me bitch and moan tumblr. <33 /p

-carrion_

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thepaintedlady00 · 1 year

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If you feel up to it could you do a blurb with Dream and a narcoleptic Reader? BC I have it and I think it's funny that I took one look at him and was like 'it's destiny.' Luke I have Sleepy Bitch Disorder and I'm crushing on the Lord of Dreams it's perfect.

Of course only if you want to but the thought of Morpheus with someone who has a sleep disorder? Cute and also funny.

(Fun Fact: narcoleptics spend more time in REM sleep, and get there faster than other sleepers, which is when dreams happen. My body just likes the Dreaming too much lol)

Absolutely! Sorry it took so long for me to get to, my schedule has been insane! But I feel like Dream would make time for people with sleep disorders cause he's such a softie! 🥰😩 It'll be down below, please enjoy!

Meeting the great King of Dreams had been completely unplanned, though you suppose given your particular condition it shouldn't have been so surprising. It started off as an accident, you stumbled into him while looking through the books in the library. You still remembered the chill that swept over you when you ran into his solid back and stumbled backwards. "Sorry!"

"You should mind where you walk." He'd said coldly, only taking his eyes from the shelf to glare at you a bit.

However rude he came off, you brushed it off and started looking for your own book. Usually the librarian, a kind and beautiful woman called Lucienne, would be around to help you but she'd been absent this time. When you finally found the book it was of course just out of reach. You stood on the tips of your toes and raised yourself as high as you could to no avail. With a huff you looked to the dark haired man. "Hey, legs, you mind helping me out?"

The look he regarded you with was one of disbelief and mild annoyance, but there was a hint of something in the deep blues of his eyes that you'd learn later was amusement. He wordlessly grabbed the book for you and left with his own not even waiting for you to thank him. When Lucienne had returned and informed you of who the man was you smacked your head to the table and groaned, mortified that you had called the King of Dreams "legs".

You were worried that as punishment he'd send you bad dreams or bar you from returning to the library, and given you spent longer dreaming than normal people those options were not something you thought you could live with. When you returned the following night you found him again, actively seeking him out and introducing yourself to him. Lord Morpheus was surprised by you, both your fearlessness in seeking him out and at you acknowledgment of this all as reality rather than another dream as most other humans had done. Once you'd told him of your narcolepsy his glares and coldness had shifted somewhat and he'd assured you that he'd not cut you off from The Dreaming. In fact he spent the whole night giving you a tour, insisting that if you were going to spend a large portion of time in his realm you ought to know where everything was.

The Dreaming was beautiful, full of life and wonder and a peacefulness that the real, or Waking as Morpheus called it, world simply didn't. As you visits continued you became well known and liked among those that lived in the dream world, even Lord Morpheus. The two of you often ran into one another in the library. At first it was simple exchanges, a soft hello and cold reply good evening then the two of you read your books in silence. It wasn't until the appearance of his raven companion, Matthew, that your meetings turned into conversation. Matthew always started them, asking simple questions about you before Morpheus would eventually speak and the two of you would talk.

It was silly how attached you'd grown to him in the shirt months that had passed. Silly how you'd asked him to visit you in the real world, and absolutely ridiculous that he'd granted your request. The first time he appeared in your apartment you'd thrown a shoe at him, startled, and the second time you'd nearly punched him. "God damn I need to put a bell on you!" You'd joked before "inviting" him in. Now it was so normal you'd barely reacted to his unannounced appearances. He spent hours with you, reading, walking through the park, watching movies even going grocery shopping with you a few times. Morpheus, the mighty king of dreams, came to you so often in both dreams and upon waking that everyone else pestered you about when you'd tell the Endless being that you were hopelessly in love with him. Of course you'd scoffed at the mere thought. How would you, a human normal and plain, ever be what a dream god would want?

You had forced yourself to bury your feelings and cherish the friendship he offered to you. That was enough. Simply getting to see him, even not romantically, was enough. Or at least it had been... Until the incident.

The two of you were in the library, searching the shelves as you often did. You'd found a book you wanted to read and reached for it. Of course it was far too high up for you to reach, but before you could do much a cold presence slid behind you. Morpheus' chest pressed snugly against your back as he reached over you and grabbed the book off the shelf, lowering it into your waiting hand.

"Is this the one you wanted?" He whispered in your ear and just like that all notions of simple friendship vanished.

You blushed, hot and out of breath by the simple sound of his voice. Clutching the book to your chest you turned to him. "Yes, thank you."

His cold fingers brushed the hair from your face, tilting your head up. His starlit blue eyes net yours, consuming every thought. "I am glad to be of help, darling dreamer."

God damn him.

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friendlyneighbourhood-parker · 2 years

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Hot Sweet Cup

Pairing: Steven Grant x reader / Marc Spector x reader / Jake Lockley x reader

Summary: You have problems sleeping, Insomnia can sometimes be a bitch. But after the moon boys come home to find you sobbing they try to comfort you in the best way they know

Word Count: 3.4 k

Warnings: n/a

A/N: one of my biggest headcanons for the moonboys's system is that Jake loves hot chocolate so I wrote this!

the reader can be read as gender neutral but preciosa is a term mostly used for a feminine pressenting person and I couldn't find a gender neutral alternative

also If you want the translations for the Spanish parts I recomend you to go to AO3

It’s been years since your family moved to London and still the weather had a curious way of surprising you, the rain hitting the window was all you could hear inside the flat you shared with your partners, piles of books muffled the sound coming from the neighbours and you could smell the freshly made coffee from bed.

You looked to your side, on the table laid your favourite coffee mug with a sticky note on it

'Went to work, love you -Jake'

Of course it was Jake, he was the only one who knew where the coffee was hidden and would know exactly when to leave the mug on the bedside table so you could drink it from bed without it going cold even if Steven and Marc told him not to, yesterday you had trouble sleeping, it wasn't very uncommon for you to spend the night awake and even if Steven never really had a sleeping disorder you actually did.

insomnia, most of your childhood nights were spent with your mom drinking sleepy time tea and talking in the kitchen while your father slept upstairs but now you had nothing to do as your boyfriends spent their nights away 'working'.

They knew, of course they did but it didn't make them feel any less guilty when they came back home and found you wide awake. Throughout the years you developed new hobbies, ones you could do even at night without disrupting the people sleeping around you.

Knitting, crocheting, reading, drawing and baking where some of them and even if baking was one of your favourites you opted to wait until you were alone, not thrilled with the idea of accidentally waking someone up.

You’ve tried reading some of Steven's books before but in all honesty you prefer to hear him read it out loud with your head resting on his legs, laying there while one of his hands played with your hair. You could hear him talk or read you about ancient Egypt for hours until you would drift to sleep.

He didn't mind, always glad he could help you in any way.

Last night was no difference, you sat on the cold wooden floor, your back against the sofa while you read some of the books you brought when you moved in. it was late in the night when you heard the locked door opened, Marc coming through the door.

"Hi luv" you said when your eyes drifted to him

He noticed how tired you sounded and it pained him how your body still decided that sleeping wasn't an option.

"Come here baby" he helped you stand up "problem sleeping again?"

"Yeah, it's hard when you're not around" you cupped his cheek noticing the slight scratches on his face

The suit would heal them but tonight was a new moon and the little scars that shouldn’t be there at all remained still.

Marc asked how you spent your night, trying not to talk about the things that Konshu had them taken care of. You told him about the new cookie recipe that you found online and wanted to try, how in the midst of baking them you finished one of your books so you picked a new one and told him about the package you received in the afternoon with the new book that you had to review for work, he seemed almost as tired as you, trying to pay attention while his headmates talked into his ear, slowly starting to disassociate.

"It’s alright luv, you can relax" you placed your hand on top of his, closed your eyes and remained in silence for a bit.

"You still awake?" Steven asked a bit disoriented

"Unfortunately" you smiled and rubbed your thumb on the back of his hand "made you some cookies"

"Would you fancy some tea?" he asked you while standing up "we can have it with the cookies"

His movements were cautious and slow, you could sense just how tired he really was, probably running almost on the same amount of sleep as you.

"Yes please" he kissed your forehead and you yawned.

How late was it?? You checked your phone, it was hard adjusting to the sudden bright light, once your vision adjusted you saw how late really was ‘four am’

Bloody hell

It was almost time for them to go. Steven placed the kettle on the stove and went besides you to rub your back. Your elbows were on top of the table and your face rested on your hands enjoying the little backrub.

Marc had tried to make you tea before but every time he would end up tired of Steven nagging him about 'how bad he was at making it', the poor lad so stressed about Marc putting the mug with water and a tea bag directly into the microwave.

Of course he would still endure it if it meant he would see you smile at him when he handed you the mug. But after a long night of working for Konshu he wasn't thrilled to have Steven correcting every little mistake he made, granting him with control of the body for the rest of the night.

"Steven?"

"Yes luv?" he kissed the top of your head and you gave him a tired smile

"Can you stay with me?"

he knew what you meant and of course he knew it was pure banter, every morning you would beg for him to stay in and not go to work, just for you to feed Gus two and three while he was getting ready and then give him his set of keys with a kiss as he left for work. Your little routine made you happy and it gave him a reason to actually go to work.

You didn't want to admit it but sometimes it would get lonely in the mornings. Working in a publishing house was great, everything that you always dreamed of but there was so much joy you could have while reading manuscripts to write the little synopsis for the back or reviewing some of the new releases. It sometimes can get lonely.

"I'd love that darling" he smiled and poured you a cup of the tea "but tomorrow's a big one, can't miss it"

That’s right, after he joined a new museum and worked in the back for a while tomorrow was the first time he would actually work as a tour guide, you haven't seen him this happy since the day he got the actual job.

"I know you'll crush it" you leaned to kiss his cheek and took a sip of the tea

Steven poured himself a cup as well, he couldn't really stand the taste of coffee like his other two headmates. Every time he had coffee with you in the mornings he took it with an ungodly amount of sugar and milk, which would translate to his drinking tea habbits; Marc really couldn't bother, he preferred coffee over tea but wouldn't turn down a cup if either you or Steven had left one behind for him.

Jake on the other hand couldn't stand the taste of any tea. Only really drinking it if you were the one pouring him a cup, he'd endured the taste of sleepy time tea from time to time if it meant keeping you company in the nights where it seemed the only thing you wanted to do was talk after you finished patching him up. But what he actually loved was making hot chocolate, the aftertaste of cinnamon and the sweetness of the chocolate comforted him in a way he couldn't explain.

After finishing the tea Steven decided it was time to head over to bed, pulling you with him. You could feel Steven's body next to you, his warmth being enough for you to finally give in and fall asleep, never noticing when he turned to hug you and the light was never enough for him to notice the little smiled that formed on your face.

~☽☾ ~

"Hello luv, how's everything??" you cheered up when you heard your partner's voice through the phone

"Good morning Steven" he could hear the smile forming on your face

"Not quite luv, our bruv decided to take a quick break"

"Oh no, what happened??"

You still remembered the first time Jake imitated your boyfriend's accent, it was really spot on. That contagious laugh he only dared to let out around you kept interrupting him as he told you of the time he asked one of Steven's co-workers out, at that time they still hadn’t noticed his presence in the system and the poor lad was so confused when the girl reminded him of how greatly he talked about the steak from the restaurant they were supposedly meeting at.

"Nothing to worry about mi amor so calm down, Marc's taking care of it" there was his normal accent again, he tried his best to keep up the fake British one whenever he had to front at Steven's work.

Mark tried to do it once, when Steven forced him to front after getting really overwhelmed. Let’s just say an old lady got him in trouble because he was allegedly 'making fun of her'

"Couldn’t sleep more?"

"Not really, thanks for the coffee tho"

"You’re welcome preciosa" he smiled "I'll try to get home early today, because, you know what? yo también quiero dormir acurrucado contigo "

You laughed a bit "baby, you know I have no idea what you said"

"It means that I'm head over heels for you… all of us"

You knew that wasn't what he’d said but it didn't make the confession any less honest and it only made the heat rise all the way up to your cheeks turning them a lovely shade of red.

"I love you too"

"Good to know" you could hear him laughing from his side of the phone call "hey, would ya mind grabbing something for me? It’s on the kitchen table"

"Yeah sure" you crawled out of the bed carefully walking, trying not to bump into the piles of books laying around. There was a package laying on the table “Do you want me to stop by and drop you this?”

“No baby that’s for you”

“Really?”

“¿Me estás diciendo mentiroso? Just open it love” and as if it were more than a suggestion you followed his word, tearing the wrapping paper.

“Oh my days!” You saw the book you’ve been meaning to read for months but never actually found on stock, it was impossible for you to contain the little sounds of excitement and that only made Jake’s smile grow bigger and bigger

“Steven knew how much you wanted it, so we got it for you”

“Thank you!” you placed the book on the table and looked through the window “If you were here I would kiss you”

“I’m on my way amor” you laughed and rolled your eyes before hanging up.

There was a lot of waiting around before your boyfriends were back home and you knew how that time was about to be spent, enjoying the book laying on the bed.

~☽☾ ~

You looked through the window and saw the sun already setting, your felt your lip quivering as little hiccups fell from your lips, fuck this book was depressing. You’ve read great reviews online and the summary seemed pretty interesting, in no point was there mention of how hearth wrenching it could get. For the past half hour you’ve tried to keep your mind out of the story, trying to ground and comfort yourself but nothing seemed to work.

There was no use in knitting or drawing and even if you wanted to bake something you felt too bad to go out for the ingredients you were missing.

So you tried cooking.

Keyword, tried.

You’ve seen Jake making hot chocolate a docent times before so it shouldn’t be that hard, right? Or at least it wouldn’t be if you actually payed attention but your mind only could recall how good he looked on his T-shirt and underwear while cooking for you.

You took out a pot and placed it on the stove and then some of the chocolate that Jake often used from the cupboard, trying to recreate the sense of comfort that it would bring you but the smell wasn’t quite right and neither was the taste, the bitterness of the pure chocolate clung to your tongue. You couldn't even finish the mug you had served, rinsing it out and leaving it in the sink.

So that’s why you were back to reading the book when he walked in, you wanted nothing more but to be done with it already having only less than fifty pages to go. But when the light from the hall creeped in and he saw you sobbing on the couch wrapped in some blankets he couldn’t help but worry.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Marc’s hand caressed your cheek, cleaning the tears that rolled down

“It’s just…” you buried your head in the book and sobbed “I hate this”

He took the book from you and placed it on the coffee table before hugging you, he felt the way you trembled and clung to his clothes, some kissed were left on the top of your head as he rubbed it with love.

“Tell me what’s wrong?”

You tried, you tried to explain what about that book could be so upsetting and how even if it made your heart ache it was too good to put down.

“And then the chocolate” you leaned your back against the arm rest, cleaning away what was left from the tears laughing amused at your failed attempt.

His eyes fell into yours confused before you pointed to the pot still filled with the hideous chocolate that you made.

“Ay baby” He cupped your face his soft touch guiding you to look at him “Did you miss us?”

You nodded, you looked to the side, seeing the reason for your sadness. Your mind going directly to the story contained in those pages and new tears formed in your eyes.

“I want chocolate Marc” a whimper escaped from your lips and you leaned on his chest wanting to feel his warmth, he placed a sweet kiss on your forehead.

~☽☾ ~

"I can see..." both of you were on the kitchen, you sat on a stool while he stood in front of the stove, his hands on his hips as he inspected what was inside the pot "was it good?"

You shook your head. 'I can't believe that' he said before pouring himself a mug but once he drank it you saw how hard he tried not to frown, the unexpected bitterness from the drink being a little too strong. He poured the rest of the drink back to the pot.

He looked your way leaning on the counter.

"Ya ví por que" Jake looked at the mug and then back at you "did ya add sugar?"

You shook your head "the package said..."

"I know, but it usually isn't enough" he reached for the cupboard and took from it something wrapped in brown paper "this is called panela"

He cut a tiny piece of the brown triangle and gave it to you before adding a larger piece to the chocolate, you tried it and the sugariness of it made you smile. It was really sweet but not to the point of becoming disgusting and the taste was different from regular sugar.

"Can you reach for the spices?" he pointed at the rack to your left. It was filled to the brim, something he was really proud of as he gave himself the task of slowly gathering them "there's cinnamon sticks there"

"Need one or two" you looked at him, he noticed how your mood was improving already and it made him smiled

“I think we'll only use one" he looked at the pot and then back at you "it is small after all"

he poured a bit of water to it and you walked up to him, he backed down for you to reach the mixture and you thought he would stay there but then you felt him pressed on your back, his chin resting on your shoulder and guiding your hand on top the pot, near enough for it not to splash once you dropped the stick but not too close for the heat to burn you.

You could feel the little kisses he placed on your shoulder before backing once more, and you longed to have him that close just for a little longer.

"Do I grab the oat milk?" you pointed to the fridge and you saw him smile shaking his head while he continued to stir the pot

On a normal day he would make enough for Marc, himself and you, going to the extent of using that ‘God forsaken awful’ milk that Steven had in his section of the fridge, just so that he would also have some of it to comfort him while fronting. ‘incluso personas sin sentido del gusto merecen probarlo’ he would say often.

"Not today, this one's just for you" he pinched your cheek making you giggle and unconsciously rubbed your face on your shoulder “That’s right peque. We don’t want more crying, alright? Or I’ll throw the book out the window”

You gasped

“Don’t you dare!” you slapped his arm jokingly gaining a laugh from him.

“Try me” he winked with a smirk plastered on his face and now you were the one to laugh.

“Oh I will Mr. Lockely” you cheekily smiled and continued stirring the chocolate “A special thanks for this” you took some with the spoon and tried it. You turned around to look at him, so excited for how good it tasted.

“I’ll have to start waking up earlier” the wicked smirk still plastered on his face. “Para hacerte chocolate en las mañanas”

“And rob me from Steven’s breakfast? No way!” you cleaned your hands with the cloth you hung from the oven and sat back down on the stool

“You can ask him for coffee then” he took a mug from the cabinet and poured the chocolate, placing it in front of you.

“It’s just banter! Please, not you two” you took a sip from the chocolate and closed your eyes.

“That’s what I thought” he leaned to kiss you

“A tad chuffed, aren’t we?” you teased

He sat across from the table and covered his mouth, you saw the way his eyebrows quirked up and his eyes close amused.

“oi!” he said and it was enough to get the reaction he wanted out of you. Your jaw dropped amused.

“You are insufferable” you rested your head on your hand squinting your eyes

“I know and yet you love me” he squinted back

“I do” you said without thinking, you’ve told him a million times before but no matter what he didn’t seem to get tired of hearing it “I truly do”

You were being honest and he knew that, he knew because of the way your shoulders were relaxed and you didn’t nib on your lip. He knew because you showed him in the way you were around him.

He loved the company you provided. How even if you didn’t like watching the games you would still sat beside him while reading one of the books that the publishing house sent you or how you would lay on the bed while he leaned on one of the bookshelves that acted as a wall, he was pleased listening to you talk about what he’d missed the days where he weren’t around.

Like the time Marc had snooze off while watching one of those really old movies he liked when he was supposed to be cuddling you. Or the time Steven spent all day prancing around the apartment while talking your ears off about ancient Egypt after they told him there was going to be interviews for a new tour guide and he was too nervous to mess it up.

He got the job, of course.

Because even before you started dating him, when you weren’t even friends, just two strangers under the same roof who loved the same people. You demeanour towards him was the same, full of unconditional affection.

“Vamos peque” he got up and patted your back “finish off so we can sleep”

“But I’m not tired” you finished what was left of the chocolate and left the mug in the sink

“Then we can just lay there for a while” he kissed your temple and guided you towards the shared bed after turning off the lights.

Walking in complete darkness was hard, more in a flat as messy as yours but you managed to make your way to the bed collapsing on it. Your back was against his chest and his arms wrapped around you. You always slept better besides him.

Peque - little one

preciosa - gorgeous/pretty

también quiero dormir acurrucado contigo - I also want to cuddle with you

Me estás diciendo mentiroso - are you calling me a liar?

Ya ví por que - I see why

‘incluso personas sin sentido del gusto merecen probarlo' - even people with bad taste deserve to try it

Para hacerte chocolate en las mañanas - Make you chocolate every morning

Vamos peque - let's go little one

#Jake lockley x reader #jake lockley #moon knight #moon knight fandom #steven grant x reader #steven grant #marc spector x reader #marvel #moon knight fanfiction #moon knight fanfic #moon knight system #moon boys #oscar issac #Jake lockely fluff #slight hurt/comfort #hurt/comfort #fluff fanfic

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specksizedgoddess · 6 months

Note

I guess you might be touchy about gaining "worshippers" (don't want to regain too much of your divine influence, after all), but as someone with undiagosed Sleepy Bitch Disorder, I appreciate the loving care you've graced me with.

We don't have to call it an "offering" or a "sacrifice" but I'll leave out a thimble full of milk, a chunk of a cookie, and a cozy matchbox bed on my nightstand if you wanna stop by! Just ignore the little tangle of razor wire... surely you wouldn't get caught playing with that, right?

AHDHHSHDHHAH GAHGWHAH GOD EXACTLY EXACTLY PPLEASE <33333

I'm sorry, I know how silly it is, but I. I just need this <333

Hun, you are my target disciples... I just want to bless all the sleepy girls with warm, comforting rest, a brief alieve from day to day life- GOD I JUST. PLEEASE <333

ALSO THATS ADORABLE??? Just imagine waking up to find a tiny little goddess sighing as she enjoys the "offerings"... she doesn't need to eat, exactly, but she enjoys the feeling, and wants to show her thanks-

... and. no comment on the razor wire, I would never 😵‍💫

#thanks for the ask!#fgsjsjja i need a tag for this #diviniteve #yeah thatll do #fave

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fandom-hoarder · 2 years

Text

Caretaker!Dean in the Bunker

A Hurt/Comfort-ish Wincest Rec List Featuring Baby Brother Sammy and Domestic Winchesters

💜 My Only Home by non_tiembo_mala

Rating: Explicit | Words: 12819 | No Warnings Apply

Summary: Dean's been gone a while, running wild with a twisted soul and black eyes. When Sam finally brings him back, Dean realizes his little brother hasn't been doing well in his absence, and he has more important things to worry about than what he did as a demon.

Additional Tags: Wincest - Freeform, first time in a long time, Post-Episode: s10e03 Soul Survivor, Pre-series and Early Series Flashbacks, Eating Disorders, Thoughts of Self-harm, Pining, Angst, Masturbation, Come Eating, Hurt/Comfort, Bottom Sam, Anal Sex, Felching, Snowballing

My Note: flashbacks to Sam pining for Dean as a teen, but no underage sex with a partner

💜 Safe, Sane, and Consentual by TooOldToCare8353

Rating: Explicit | Words: 2808 | Chose Not to Warn

Summary: Fixing the relationship, the Winchester way. Not necessarily the right way to get there, but it works for them.

Additional Tags: BDSM, Breathplay, MOL Dungeon, Dom Dean Winchester, Sub Sam Winchester, Manacles, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Dubious Consent

💜 Dean does Not like a sick Sammy... but he loves her all the same. By Magnoliachild

Rating: Mature | Words: 3941 | No Warnings Apply

Summary: They get to town for a hunt, but the day after they get there, Dean notices Sammy napping...face down on a motel table.... in the middle of the afternoon.............. FUCK.

Sammy is sick. Dean doesn't like it when Sammy is sick, but sue him for liking how nice he can be when she is...

Additional Tags: Bathing/Washing, Sick Sam Winchester, Caring Dean Winchester, Fluff, Dean Winchester Takes Care of Sam Winchester, Established Relationship, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Always Female Sam Winchester, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural)

💜 lullabies by chiliscale

Rating: Explicit | Words: 970 | No Warnings Apply

Summary: Sam´s staying up late, Dean doesn´t care for that shit.

Additional Tags: Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Dean taking care of Sam, Domestic Fluff

💜 Steady by non_tiembo_mala

Rating: Teen+ | Words: 1441 | No Warnings Apply

Summary: Sam has an attack. Dean works him through it.Set somewhere in S11 because I can't stop thinking about strong, beautiful Sammy being all fucked up because of friggin' Lucifer.

Additional Tags: Wincest - Freeform, Nightmares, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sleepy Cuddles

💜 Getting Down And Out by verucasalt123

Rating: Teen+ | Words: 2299 | No Warnings Apply

Summary: “Hey, Sam, take a breath, we got all the time in the world”, Dean tells him, which of course isn’t true, is never true, but Sam needs to relax if he’s going to start using complete sentences.

Additional Tags: Sibling Incest, Kissing, Cooking, Witches, Episode: s10e12 About A Boy, Childhood Memories, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Child Neglect, Food Issues, Song: Shake It Off (Taylor Swift), Established Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Community: spn_j2_xmas

Podfic by me Here

💜 The Only Thing by non_tiembo_mala

Rating: Teen+ | Words: 1242 | No Warnings Apply

Summary: Sam gets mind-fucked and tortured by a British bitch who somehow manages to walk away from it all in one piece.

But he also gets back the brother he thought was dead, and Dean will always be enough.

Additional Tags: Wincest - Freeform, Episode Tag: S12E02, Post-Episode: s12e02 Mamma Mia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, bed sharing, Cuddles

💜 A Blind Fool's Luck by hellhoundsprey

Rating: Explicit | Words:3561 | No Warnings Apply

Summary: [summary is a really long prompt, so I'm giving my own here] Sam finds out he's really an omega when Rowena offers to set him back to rights. He doesn't tell Dean, but Dean can tell right away when Sam starts a heat; Dean's held guilt over not stopping John from altering Sam's body as a kid.

Additional Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Traumatized Sam Winchester, Omega Sam Winchester, Bottom Sam Winchester, Alpha Dean Winchester, Top Dean Winchester, Soulmates, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Barebacking, Hurt/Comfort, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural)

💜 Every Night by non_tiembo_mala

Rating: Mature | Words: 1585 | No Warnings Apply

Summary: Sam is struggling with nightmares after Dean rescues him from the Cage. He's trying not to worry Dean about it but nothing slips past his big brother.

Additional Tags: Season/Series 11, Wincest - Freeform, Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Brothers, Nightmares, Post-Cage, Sleepy Boys, Episode: s11e10 The Devil in the Details, Coda

💜 One Good Birthday by brokenlittleboy

Rating: Teen+ | Words: 3773 | No Warnings Apply

Summary: This year, nothing bad happens on Sam's birthday. Sam's on edge, waiting for that shoe to drop. Dean tries to give him one good birthday, and they both realize something along the way.

Additional Tags: Birthday Fluff, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Season/Series 15, First Kiss, Sleepy Cuddles, First Dates, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sam Has Birthday Trauma, Fix-It

Honorable Mentions 💚

💚 It's A Love Story by non_tiembo_mala

Rating: Teen+ | Words:1569 | No Warnings Apply

Summary: Brother cuddles, confessions, and sweet banter after the boys get back to the bunker.

Additional Tags: Wincest - Freeform, Cuddles, Hurt/Comfort, Spoilers, Episode: s11e17 Red Meat, Coda, Soulmates, Dean and Sam are Romeo and Juliet

💚 only this and nothing more by wincestgoddess

Rating: Not Rated | Words: 1611 | No Warnings Apply

Summary: Dean gifts Sam souvenirs. It's no big deal, except that it is.

Except when they're more than just souvenirs.

Additional Tags: Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Romantic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, lovestruck Sam Winchester, lovestruck Dean Winchester, Soulmates, Brief mention of sexual assault

#my rec list #wincest #wincest fanfiction #wincest rec list #hurt/comfort #caretaker!dean #moc!dean #mol bunker #big brother dean #little brother sammy #domestic!winchesters #sam whump #ish #these are mostly whump aftermath #aka it's that time of the month again #long post

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redtail-lol · 5 months

Note

heyey dw abt dykepridee

everything theyve sent was in assuming bad faith and theyre not worth arguing with. they're just trying to stir up discourse to feel superior about themselves

dont worry, dont waste your energy, Im sorry theyre bothering you. they came up to me and 2 other people as well, assumed I romanticised stalking with 0 proof past the gender itself, called faunic attraction 'no-dick attraction' which is super insensitive, and reblogged someone else assuming a term related to sleepiness must be romanticising... narcolepsy, out of every other possible sleep disorder?

I have no idea how someone is okay with being a pan lesbian while they constantly assume bad faith about identities theyre unfamiliar with, aka you know, the same thing people are doing to mspec lesbians.

@kirugorture

Thank you. I don't get why someone, especially someone who is nonbinary, sees a post that essentially boils down to "nonbinary people are not men or women and they shouldn't be misgendered by people calling themselves monosexual because apparently being attracted to nonbinary genders 'doesn't count' as mspec because they're not one of the 'REAL genders' and people who are attracted to women and enby genders only can call themselves mspec lesbians or just lesbians but by calling themselves mono they are saying those nb people are just women" and has an issue with it.

Also good to know about faunic, because I literally... Am faunic?? It's not "no-dick attraction" it's being attracted to people who are not men, and I'm actually favorable to dating non-op trans women and AMAB enbies. I'm a non-man and I'm attracted to non-men and I'm allowed to have a label to describe that. If it's a bad definition for lesbian then fine now it isn't for lesbian it's for faunic/daunic. Not being attracted to men, and wanting a label for that... Isn't wrong? At all?

(also genital preferences are valid so L + Ratio dykepridee people are allowed to not like dick or not like pussy and that's FINE.)

I don't think they even understand what I was saying. I wasn't excluding nb-attracted lesbians from being lesbians, or even exclusive lesbians. I am one! I call myself an exclusive lesbian all the time. It's just not mono. It will never be mono to be attracted to women AND to people who are not women!! Yet exclusionists constantly define themselves as mono even though they include nb folk, which is misgendering them, and my post was to call out the rampant misgendering of nonbinary people that these lesbians partake in, even some being nonbinary themselves, because otherwise they'd have to acknowledge that mspec lesbians make sense and are valid

In short: my whole purpose in writing the post was to call out the rampant misgendering of nonbinary people within the (exclus) lesbian community for the purpose of pretending lesbian is a strictly monosexual label. People never talk about it and it needs to be talked about.

Their "counterpoint" that no one cares in real life is so... Bad. It missed the point, it was pretty clear they had entirely missed the point, and also, "no one in real life cares" is a stupid counterargument in any "debate." For one, I exist outside of tumblr and I care. For two, I don't care what happens at pride parades. Misgendering nonbinary people (who do not identify as women at all) is not okay, no matter how much people at a parade care about strangers. If you can't actually prove why I'm wrong, your point is null and void.

Also "I'm almost 30, my back hurts, and I just woke up" bitch nobody gives a fuck about your back hurting, it's clearly too early for you to use your brain, and you're a whole grown adult arguing with a child online. That's real mature.

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citrusandsalt · 2 months

Note

I really relate to your posts and reblogs about chronic fatigue and practicing self-love. So if you’re willing to share, what are your specific disabilities?

Hi anon!

I have been really lucky to have a PCP who has gone with "well, you have the symptoms of fibro, and a family history of fibro, so let's throw some fibro treatments at you and see if they help and if they don't, we'll do something else" and they did!

So one way to look at my suite of disabilities is that I have chronic fatigue, chronic pain (especially through the top of my back and my neck), and chronic migraines with and without aura. That profile could fit a few different things, but I've gotten pretty far just by treating the symptoms and muddling through that way.

Additionally, I'm not clinically immunosuppressed, but I do get sick very easily - noticeably to my friends levels of easily, regularly hovering near my max allotment of sick days just because of having colds easily, buying and finishing the biggest boxes of DayQuil and NyQuil multiple times per year easily - and when I get sick I tend to stay sick for longer, especially coughs.

Another way to look at it is: something autoimmune is probably going on. I have a family history of RA, other arthritises, AND fibro. The symptoms I've had for a long time map to fibromyalgia, but newer symptoms also map to spondyloarthritis. So probably some combo of those! Testing is a slow process and nothing has yet come back definitive, but also nothing has come back ruling out either of them (or both of them!). Autoimmune diseases are poorly understood - especially fibromyalgia which many people suspect may "actually" be several different diseases we've dumped in the "girlies' bodies hurt, idk" bucket, so uh, stay tuned I guess.

Additionally, some people count mental illness under disability, and I have severe depression, moderate-severe cPTSD, and mild-moderate generalized anxiety.

And there's a lot of comorbidities in there! Many people who experience trauma also have autoimmune disorders because your brain and your body are actually the same thing and putting one under chronic stress puts the other under chronic stress. And many people who are chronically ill have depression because hey, when your body can't do things, it makes you sad about what you can't do. Being in pain sucks. cPTSD basically always comes bundled with depression and anxiety so that's basically a BOGO special.

A thing that I do think is interesting is the comorbidities I don't have. As far as I can tell, I don't have EDS, autism, or ADHD, and I'm not trans.

So! tl;dr: got the back-and-neck hurts disease, the heady hurt disease, the sleepy bitch disease, the bad childhood disease, and the sad bitch disease. I'm like a beautiful flower where each petal is "huh, that's kinda fucked up but not like, SUPER fucked up, so you can pass for normal enough most of the time. Good luck champ!"

#asked and #essays on essay #anon asks #disability posting

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chipped-chimera · 6 months

Text

FOR THE TIRED PEOPLE: Some new research about Chronic + ADHD(inattentive) related fatigue, and BCAAs

[DISCLAIMER // I AM NOT A DOCTOR. I AM NOT A MEDICAL PRACTITIONER. I AM NOT A DIETICIAN. I'm just a big tired nerd with way too much time on my hands who likes science. I am however, sharing this because this could potentially help others and BCAAs are already safe for human consumption, widely used and easily accessible. If you are uncertain about adding BCAAs to your diet please talk to your doctor first. There are also some medications which interact negatively with BCAA's. Do your research. Also generally be careful about taking medical advice from the internet! ]

I was going to post about something else but I went down the rabbit hole of explaining this study I read and decided that no, this needed it's own thing or it's gonna be a mile long.

So in one of my usual weekly fatigue breakdowns where I was scraping the internet for any kind of information that might point out something I've SURELY missed to explain why I feel the way I do, I stumbled across this study published last year (2022) -

[ The relationship between central fatigue and Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder of the inattentive type ]

The TL;DR on the paper - our previous assumptions about the tryptophan-serotonin system might be wrong (tryptophan being the precursor for a bunch of stuff, including melatonin which is the sleepy chemical - aka why people say drink warm milk before bed to help sleep, that's tryptophan) what was previously assumed was reducing tryptophan = bad because it could affect serotonin production.

Testing in rats (so grain of salt here) indicated that higher levels of tryptophan =/= higher levels of serotonin and when reducing the level of free tryptophan in the bloodstream it returned to baseline. High levels of tryptophan were associated with fatigue and inattention, and rats on a tryptophan deficient diet by contrast took longer to reach a state of exhaustion. I'm skipping over a bunch of stuff but basically - research is now pointing to both Chronic Fatigue and ADHD related fatigue being related to Central Nervous System Fatigue which up until now, has only really been associated with the fatigue athletes experience when exercising really hard (now just picture me doing jack shit and feeling like that every day. Yeah). I've only just stared to see bits and pieces pop up about this recently but nothing in relation to this tryptophan study.

Anyway, the thing about BCAAs: BCAAs (Branched Chain Amino Acids) are currently used to reduce the uptake of tryptophan in the brain for better performance in athletes, help with reduction of exercise fatigue (CNS fatigue) and muscle building. You can pretty easily find BCAA's added to protein-shakes or in it's own kind of supplement. It also occurs naturally in some foods (Beef, Chicken, Eggs, Lentils, Chickpeas, Brown Rice etc.) so it is absolutely safe to consume. It's also generally fairly affordable (especially compared to the lengthy process of treatment + medications that might not even work and you have to keep changing them, yes I am talking from personal experience).

Again, this is all very new and absolutely needs so much more research because up until now, no one has really been sure what causes Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but tests have shown that those suffering CFS demonstrate similar activation of their muscles as fatigued athletes - as in they could activate them but not to their full capacity. This connection is only considered 'possible' and it might take a good few years before we can say anything with certainty.

But as an extremely tired bitch who is extremely tired of being extremely fucking tired, I am sharing this because it's easy to get, safe, and affordable and if you're like me you're about ready to try anything. And it's not another goddamn pill (I'm on 14 a day).

Also for the ADHDers specifically: protein rich diets are usually advised for us because it helps with the metabolism of stimulants, and can help with softening medication crashes when they wear off. So adding a protein shake with BCAAs to your morning routine might be a good idea. Or just any protein shake in general.

There can be side effects to taking BCAAs, but it is considered rare and this depends entirely on the person. Cross check existing medications, talk to your doc etc. if you are not 100% certain adding BCAAs to your diet is possible. Stay safe peeps.

#science #ADHD #Chronic Fatigue Syndrome #did I put enough disclaimers on this to say I am just sharing research #NOT A DOCTOR #DON'T TAKE MEDICAL ADVICE FROM THE INTERNET #or at least look at what you're being told and go do your own research #basically what this is lmao - my extensive research #disability #the fact they're starting to figure out Chronic Fatigue and ADHD fatigue is related to CNS fatigue is amazing #it means we might be getting closer to a solution #but also science is slow as hell #and well ... BCAAs are right there #idk it's worth a shot to me?#only thing I'm gonna be watching for is mood shit given the serotonin interaction but I'm also on TWO antidepressants including a SSRI #so haha good luck trying to reduce serotonin in MY brain #I'm getting my protein with BCAAs order today and was gonna talk about other diet shit but it was getting too long talkin about this study #Long Covid #could also be a group that might benefit from this given it's considered to be basically Chronic Fatigue or highly related #yeah I am a fucking nerd. my nerd level - goes and reads research papers WHILE DRUNK. yeah.

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namazusreblogs · 1 year

Text

Would you like me to tell you about BPD?

Would you like me to tell you about BPD? This is borderline personality disorder. It borders on a psychiatric clinic. Like you're not normal anymore, but not bad enough yet. In Wikipedia, you can read about the accompanying mood swings, about other symptoms - a lot of things.

And I'll tell you what it is.

Everything you feel is not real (but it's not certain)

That was your average day. You did business here, you did business there, you messed around, you had fun, you walked the dogs… you got a little tired and came home. He went in, patted the dog behind the ear, put the keys under the mirror and …

Everything is terrible. Disgustingly bleak and hopeless. You are squeezed dry, you would hate every breath you take if there was strength for hatred. You slumped down to the floor and closed your eyes. Let it all end now. That's it, simple. Are you tired. Just tired.

You have sawdust from the cat's tray again under your feet - the dogs have taken it away. A stink wafts from the garbage bag waiting in line to be taken out. You just want silence - and one of the dogs jumps on you while another slobbering muzzle pokes your hand. Bitch! Fucked up! Get off me! Notification? Fuck you, notification and burn in hell whoever called it! I'll smash my phone against the wall! Again, you have a dick in your room, understand what ?! Which of you, big-nosed scum, spilled a bucket of water?! Bitchcats dropped a vase with carefully dried flowers, sprinkled again. It's annoying, it's annoying, it's annoying!

You are happy with your dogs. And also a cat sitting and blinking its eyes at the mirror. They greet you so joyfully - and everything else becomes unimportant. What soft fur they have, how good and wonderful they are, God, how good it is to finally be at home!

Nothing. You're just a little tired and sleepy. He stroked the dogs, poked the cats in the mustachioed noses, fed everyone and sat for a while in the kitchen playing a game or a simple serial for an hour - you can sleep. Sweet dreams)

You want to have time to do a couple more things, and the fatigue in the body is pleasant and warming - a couple of very small things: to vacuum the corridor or wash some of the dishes. then - to the bathroom, write some post or monitor the feed. You will watch the series until midnight again and fall asleep, immersed in the plot of your novel, which is just in the process.

Which of these states will be real? Will any of them be real? You sit exhausted at the door - you don’t even have the strength to take off your shoes. Is it time to change something in your life or “sleep and it will pass”? Is it really hard and bad for you and you can't cope or is BPD fucking? How to understand where the truth is - everything feels the same real, real, real and truthful. And if so … then which of the feelings you experience are yours? How do you really react to the world? For events? For the situation?

What are you? Who are you? Is this "you" still around?

What do you like? What are you striving for? Will you be just as excited about this idea a second later? What do you want to do?

Where do you want to go?

Do you want … But do you need to? Is there any reason? What you do is the result of a habit. You seem to have loved Japanese and Japan all your life, so you keep doing it. You seem to have been fond of this sport and these athletes for seven years now. So we continue purely out of habit.

Is your life really in need of change, or are you just feeling bad about BPD and these conditions don't matter? There is nothing you can vouch for that you want it, dream about it and love it. You are empty. No. You have nothing to say about yourself. You. Don't. Feel. Yourself. For you, you are not. Joy is fleeting and leaves no memories. Grief is destructive and has no significance, weight and meaning (it will pass when you sleep or eat).

Empty. 空っぽ。

#BPD #Borderline personality disorder

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torireactstohdgstories · 2 years

Text

HDG stories I have read so far

Human Domestication Guide, by GlitchyRobo : In a scifi space future, humanity has just lost a war to the Affini, a civilization of highly advanced plant aliens who really want to make cute, drugged up pets of their subjects. A human, the warship pilot Elvira, has just been captured & delivered to her new mistress.

The original~ What can I say? It introduces the universe very well, mostly through good dialogue, but the focus really is on the relationship between Elvira and Akash. And it's very fun to read! At least, if you're into noncon and brainwashing, do mind the tags! I like the fact that Elvira still has subconscious resistance, with her nightmares. Also, the appearance of Kazia in the latest chapters feels almost like a cool sequel or a season two, and I really hope we eventually get even more chapters!

Love Letter, by Darkfalli : A timid woman tries to hand over a love letter to her crush, a affini, and hopefully become her pet. The shy bean gets the unlikely aid of another beautiful affini with plans of it’s own.

When I got on the Discord server and asked for fluffy fic recommendations, I was told to try pretty much any of Darkfalli's fics, so I decided to read all of them by order of length. This one was the shortest, so I started with it; and b o y am I happy I did!!!

I adore this one-shot. It really is all fluff from start to finish, even though Violet (the human) is distressingly shy. The plot is funny and sweet, and I love the little plot-twist at the end! I won't spoil it, but I laughed so much x) I think it might actually be my favorite so far, because it's just so CUTE!

Anthology Domestication Guide, by Darkfalli : A collection for my smaller Human Domestication Guide stories.

I did this one next because technically each chapter is a one-shot so they count as short stories. Kinda difficult to say globally what I thought of all of them. They are all so very good, but in different ways!

This is pretty much where I started to realize the main pattern of the fandom : Human A feels bad for X reason, generally gender or mental health related => Affini B takes them in => Human A is eventually happy again

It makes me wonder if the Affini ever get tired of being dom/caretakers. I kinda want to see more about them, but I probably will in other stories.

I think my favorite of the stories in this anthology was the last one, Bird Cage. I liked seeing an Affini refuse a floret, it was a nice change and there was this good message about being aware of your worth even when people cannot return your feelings. Really liked that!

Sleepy Bitch, by Darkfalli : In the wake of an alien invasion, one woman with a sleeping disorder is too tired to care, thankfully the aliens find her very cute and are willing to help a sleepy bitch out and more :3

I found this one surprising and a bit scary, despite it all being depicted in a humorous light x) It is true that Scarlet had such a bad case of narcolepsia she was struggling to stay awake long enough to take care of herself, but her friend Faith is right, the affini should have helped her with class-Zs (sleep-related xenodrugs) and given her the choice to become a floret (or "flort" x) I loved that one). But as the author says in the notes, it was a "blatant and erotic disregard for the concept of consent in favor of uhhhhh gay" and we're not going to pretend like I have a problem with noncon x)

This was also the first time I found out about the thought-sharing feature of the haustoric implant! I really liked how confusing and yet comforting it sounded! I though it was a really cool idea.

Also, Scarlet and Faith are super cute as cat-girls!!!

Saving a Stray, by Darkfalli : A very sick young woman is saved from her illness during an alien invasion, the kind and very pretty affini who saved her offers to take her in and show her how much better her life can be as an adorable pet.

A classic one. Just a tad more sexual than the previous ones, but not by a lot. Alice and Lunaria are very cute and sweet together, and I like that Alice got her glasses back in the epilogue. Lots of bodymods too, and that's fun!

Unit 7.322 (aka Tess), by Darkfalli : In the twilight days of the Terran Accord, a bleeding edge military contractor creates an advanced war drone Unit 7.322 to fight the affini threat taking over terran space. The obedient drone is sent off to war to fulfill its purpose, to obey.

I really, really liked this one. I was expecting more violence, but it's just as good that it didn't go there. The premice is dark though. Like, dark dark. The thought of that woman's mind being almost destroyed, moreover by human scientists, to the point where she can barely have wants anymore is chilling. But it has a happy ending, like all the other stories.

The main characters are all very likeable. I especially like Penny, who was immediately compassionate and understanding towards Tess. Rain has a fun personality, and I like her bite x)

I really liked the more robotic style in writing. Of course, it makes sense, considering the POV but it feels very original.

Pet & Parcel, by Darkfalli : A dedicated rebel gets captured by the affini. Imprisoned in a pet carrier, can Vivian overthrow the Compact and restore the Terran Accord? (No)t alone, but with the help of her new beautiful loving Mistress, she might be able to defeat the aliens once and for all!

This one is still ongoing, and it's also very, very funny x) Vivian's obliviousness to the situation makes a delightful dramatic irony. It's heavy on the hypnosis, but I like that so yeah ^^

Vivian's intrusive thoughts are rather tragic though, the poor woman being constantly terrified of being eaten or sent to slave away in "the mine" is so sad, and it feels like no one is taking the time to actually convince her otherwise, even if her vet tries to reassure her several times.

The fox/horse plushie is the best character x)

Wildborn, by Darkfalli : An Anarchist Communist Commune at the fringes of Terran space gets discovered by the affini compact. A member of the commune going by the name Q and their friend Mary find themselves at the mercy of a loving but stern affini Mistress intent on breaking them into happy loving pets.

Now, I can't stop laughing everytime I think about pizza sauce x)

First one I read that isn't listed as a canon work. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it was written before there were canon guidelines, but that's just my guess.

I love the anarchist communists so much. I mean, I like communism (the concept, not the history of it, calm your political tits) and the community/family of so many different people is so lovely. I was so happy when they got to stay together!!! I kinda wish we had side-stories about Tix and Mira and Vince and everyone, but that's okay x)

Mary's fight and potty-mouth are the best and I am so glad she stays her funny rebellious self after she's "broken". The pranks she and the others get into are so much fun to read about, and the punishments are just as fun x)

Also yay, we got some part in affini POV and that was very nice!

More the Merrier, by Darkfalli : Signing up for Lab Rat for the Terran Accord ends with a gender confused individual getting two identical clone sisters. The affini that saved them has her eyes on three potential new pets that she is very intent on domesticating.

Another really, really cool concept! The fact that each clone not only loves the two others but also wishes to stay as close and similar as possible is new to me. I guess I haven't read much about clones and hive-minds before. I also really love the fact that they start learning self-love through loving their clones. I know for many people (including me), loving and taking care of someone else is a lot easier than doing the same thing for themselves, so I liked seeing how that played out.

Also, more Affini POV and I loved it! Calytrix is slightly different from most of the other Affini we have seen so far. She has to retrain herself in order not to be too controlling and respect Melanie's decisions, and it's obviously difficult, but she does! Even if she struggles with it! We're told that she even made mistakes like that in her past and that's why she's doing her best to grow past it. She feels both a little dangerous and very sympathetic, and that makes her so interesting!

Also, dollplay and dollification! I. Love. That!

Affini Compact Anthology, by Skadia : An anthology of all my shorter works set in the HDG universe!

Only two chapters so far, but I loved them so much! ^^ They are, however, very short, and everything happens very quickly. I would have loved to see Sarracenia take her time just a little bit more.

Lost & Found, by Darkfalli : A homeless, anxious, and lost woman on her way to find a job in the big city is interrupted by the terran colony getting invaded by aliens, the affini. An oddly friendly 10-foot tall plant alien finds and rescues her, and uh… wait, what’s this about human pets?

The classic story of a human being almost destroyed by the system and finding comfort through becoming a floret, but this one really takes its time to make you feel bad before the fluff. Evie, our main character, is literally crippled with trauma, to the point where she only truly becomes happy once her memories have been erased. I feel like that is pretty messed up, but it's so good to see her become happy and able to lift up others. There are also some really good moments of talk about gender and attraction, lots of good stuff. Not my favorite story, but definitely a good one!

#human domestication guide #potential hdg spoilers #list of stories #opinions

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