#also sorry guys will still be busy from socmed

[itsjustaninchident]

I feel like an interesting prompt for Lando would be being with/meeting a girl he likes who isn’t an influencer or popular, just a regular girl who stays more private. (Me for example, a girl who lives in the middle of no where Texas, with a regular business office 9-5 job) lol

You Are in Love

Lando Norris x Interior Designer!Reader

socmed au

summary: seems like mclaren's driver is not available in the market anymore but the real question is, to whom?

warning/s: none

author's note: hello! I am so sorry for taking so long to respond to this request 😭 I didn't know how I would create this and I am still quite scared to take requests but here we are and I hope you enjoy it! A little warning I'm not very knowledgeable about America so I might have overlooked some things and I am sorry for that 😭 and also lmk~ I also chose interior designer as the career for the reader I hope you don't mind >< 🫶 Please request more!

Part 2

yourusername

Texas, USA

liked by yourbestfriend, yoursibling, and 129 others

yourusername another tiring week but at least i get to be a passenger princess hehe :)

view 10 comments...

yourbestfriend tell him to watch his back i CAN take you back 😏

yourusername dont worry bae im all yours 😉

yourfriend is this the london boy 🫢

yourusername well...

yourfriend when will we meet him👀

yourusername he's a little shy😆

yoursibling mom says she miss him more than u

yourusername i guess i have been replaced in the family now

landonorris

liked by maxfewtrell, carlossainz55, and 320,478 others

landonorris another normal but lovely week

view 1,093 comments...

user1 this is so out of character of him😭

user2 fr why is this kinda lowkey of him to do though👀

user3 am i thinking what you're thinking

user4 is he yknow the d word 😭

user7 okay pack it up people he can have a life that does not concern us at all

danielricciardo 🤠

user9 what's with the emoji

maxfewtrell when will u be back here

user5 oh OH

user6 since when are you interested in architecture 🧐

user6 trying to connect shit...

user7 no you're not go get a life

user8 baes take all your delusional asses elsewhere 😭

yourusername

liked by yoursibling, yourbestfriend, and 218 others

yourusername golf isn't as bad as i thought

view 2 comments...

yourbestfriend am i really about to lose you to some guy who drives in circles???

yourusername nah still urs babe 😆😘

landonorris

liked by maxfewtrell, pierregasly, and 530,789 others

landonorris golf kinda day

view 305 comments...

maxfewtrell you got beaten up bad...

landonorris she was just lucky

maxfewtrell sure...

carlossainz55 i guess ill replace you as my golf buddy

user1 why are his pictures so boyfriend coded lately?

yourbestfriend that's really a nice pic i wonder who took it? 🫢

yourusername 🤐

user2 the comments from max and carlos😭 who's able to beat this man in golf😭 i need to pay my respect

yourusername

liked by lilymhe, yourbestfriend, and 137 others

yourusername fun week in canada :)

view 6 comments...

yourbestfriend I should've went with you!

yourusername definitely! 😭 It will be so much more fun with u around luv :'(

lilymhe hope to see you again !

yourusername looking forward as well! I miss u alr 🫶

lando.jpg

liked by danielricciardo, carlossainz55, and 834 others

lando.jpg canada you were fun 😏

view 1,456 comments...

user1 DID HE JUST HARD LAUNCH?!

user2 I AM NOT SO READY FOR THIS

user3 i genuinely think he has no idea what he posted....

user4 LANDO WHO'S THAT IN THE 3RD PHOTO

danielricciardo mate I think you're not supposed to post the 3rd photo...

carlossainz55 she will definitely kill him

maxverstappen1 im here for it

maxfewtrell so much for being lowkey

this post has been deleted

lando.jpg

liked by pierregasly, danielricciardo, and 234,598 others

lando.jpg canada you were fun 😏

view 5,405 comments...

user1 no way you're trying to gaslight us

user2 man really said nope not today

danielricciardo i saw nothing

carlossainz55 me too

maxverstappen1 me three

user3 twitter fans gonna have a field day with this 😭

to be continued...

#lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando norris x oc #socmed au #f1 socmed au #f1 #fluff #lando norris au

[wandering-across-aminos]

a little late, but happy birthday to me and best girls lumine and amber!!!!! i hold them very gently

#they are #CUTE!!!!!!!! #very much so #also sorry guys will still be busy from socmed #college is taking me tf OUT #genshin impact #gi #mihoyo #genshin #lumine #amber #genshin amber #genshin lumine #lumiamber #amberlumi #fanart #digital #my art

[tdystmr]

college student! jackson x sugar daddy! mark // sugar daddy x baby socmed au

b a c k g r o u n d i n f o 🍓

jackson is THE popular kid despite him having his own set of financial problems. he lives with a foster family because his parents died in a car accident when he was 11, but still grew up to be a well-mannered, cheerful boy

mature 21 year old who knows his strenghts and weaknesses. very motivated and hard working, but tends to fall for the bad type rather than good influences. is also too nice and sweet to point out other’s mistakes and flaws so he usually goes along with whatever his friends do. has always wanted to move out because as much as he loves his foster family, he knows that they struggle with their own swt of problems as well and feels like a burden now that college fees are piling up

mark is a millionaire, successful bachelor at the fine age of 29. recognised for his success in starting and building his own business at 22, took him only 7 years to reach his current success of a multi-million enterprise in Seoul trading and exporting goods.

is a very mysterious figure to the press because he is extremely private about his life outside of work. lives alone, has no known dating history, only known family is his family in USA ands seems to be completely disinterested in relationships under than a tight-knit group of friends. the press would love to get some dirt on this successful businessman.

jjp are mark’s close friends and a power couple of Korea ( lgbtq+ rs are supported in korea in this au ) and have always wanted him to look for a partner. yugyeom, mark’s other close friend, also wants him to not be so lonely anymore since he’s pushing 30 already.

meanwhile, youngjae + bambam are jackson’s best friends. youngjae’s fam is jackson’s foster fam while the three of them all attend Seoul University tgt. they’re close friends because they all share an interest in music and just enjoy each other’s company. they’re the same age in this au, so they met at the usual freshmen orientation drinking session and bambam almost puked on jackson’s crotch. ever since then, they’ve been inseparable.

youngbam are also well known in the school - youngjae for performing on stage every year at the annual talent show while bambam is known for his cool style and being the vice president of the dance club.

p l o t 🍓

jackbamjae are joking arnd in their gc abt life after college when jackson finally tells them his plan to move out of his foster home after they finish their second year of college. yj ofc objects because he doesn’t see js as a burden, but respects jackson’s decision because js insists.

bambam suggests a sugar daddy website to get money. ofc, both of the other two question him on how he got to know such a site existed. he tells them that ten ( pres of the dance club ) got to know his bf through this site. bam tells them that it isn’t super shady or wtv and the men aren’t so bad at all

js says wtv and gives it a go, so he signs up with the help of bamjae. he has a basketball friendly match, so he rushes off after that

at the same time, mark’s bday is approaching. jjgyeom are planning a surprise for him and hopefully, it’ll include some sort of a date that mark will agree to go on. yugyeom had also come across the sugar daddy website by simply lurking on the nsfw side of the internet and jjp have learnt not to question him too much on what he does in his free time.

he found js’s profile and knowing mark’s type, immediately suggested the idea to jjp. jb, who’s been mark’s longest friend, says that mark might not completely be opposed to it because he knows that mark has been stressed lately and a way to let out that frustration would be good. jy, on the other hand, cautions that mark might not like the idea because mark is the kind of guy to value genuine relationships over meaningless hookups, not to mention paying someone for sex and whatnot. despite that, the three arrive at mark’s place on the night of his bday to surprise him

yg suggests the idea to mark after they’ve all had some dinner and mark obv gets mad at first. he says exactly what jy had said, but calms down after jjgyeom explain that they’ve all been worried about how he’s coping and don’t want him to be alone and stressed anymore. mark sees that his friends have good intentions and decides to give it a go, starting the convo with jackson over the website that night after all his friends have left

after about a week of weird dms and some actually good interactions over the site, jackson is about to give up because he hasn’t found anyone truly interested in talking and not just sex. then, he gets mark’s dm

the two hit it off immediately and they end up texting till 3am. they exchanged socmed accounts before they went to bed as well, and js decides to tell bamjae in the morning abt it.

they obv know who the hell mark tuan is and are freaking out over this. jackson rmbs that mark had told him not to spread this and realises that’s the reason why. he warns bamjae not to tell anyone, even their other close friends. bamjae suggest for him to keep texting and to even meet mark on the weekend.

they meet and it goes well and stuff, them slowly establishing their own sort of relationship. they’re more platonic than sexual most of the time, but they do look for each other when they’re horny and in need of release

one day, the press captures mark waiting for js after school at seoul uni + js getting into his car. they post an article with a caption insinuating that mark has a secret relationship, which he fires down with an instagram post about invading his privacy and posting false rumours. he does this because he’s scared that js might be affected.

js is affected, because he realises that he doesn’t mind being in a genuine relationship with mark at all. he tells bamjae ofc, and they help him to realise that he might have developed feelings for the older man. he freaks out because that isn’t part of the deal of being a sugar baby but he doesn’t want to cut mark off either

it’ll end happily, definitely, but the angst will come right after this and i hope it’ll be good :<

e x t r a c t f r o m f i r s t c o n v o 🍓

Yien_duan_

Hey, is this Wangpuppy825?

Wangpuppy825

that’s me! you can call me jackson ☺️

Yien_duan_

Oh, okay sure. I’m Mark. How old are you again?

Wangpuppy825

i’m 21 this year 🤩 wbu?

Yien_duan_

I’ve just turned 30

What’s your major in college?

Wangpuppy825

just? when’s your birthday? 🧐

i major in Sports science studies at SNU

Yien_duan_

4 september

Woah, you sound like a pretty smart kid

Wangpuppy825

oh, belated birthday mark hyung 🥳🥳

i can call you that, right 🥺

also, i’m not that smart hahah i just study hard 😌

Yien_duan_

Yeah, hyung is fine

Thank you, by the way :)

Wangpuppy825

no prob, hyung ☺️

quick qn though, do you look really old?

Yien_duan_

Ummm.....no?

Wangpuppy825

do you mind sending a pic 😖

i’m sorry if this sounds weird it’s just i’ve gotten lots of dms from 50 year olds posing as 20-30 year olds and it’s creepy 😳

Yien_duan_

Okay but you can’t tell anyone about this, okay?

Wangpuppy825

why? is it embarrassing for you 😮

Yien_duan_

[image attached]

It’s not really about being embarrassed, I guess

Wangpuppy825

omg

Yien_duan_

Why?

Wangpuppy825

you look so hot wtf 🥵

and you look so young????? you look my age 😳😳

god is unfair for making you so pretty 😤

Yien_duan_

Oh

You mean you...

Wangpuppy825

i...???

Yien_duan_

Oh, nothing hahah

I’m just surprised you think I look good because well...

You’re really cute, Jackson :<

Wangpuppy825

wow okay you have no idea how different it feels to hear that from a hot person rather than just my friends hyping me up 😳😳😳

Yien_Tuan

Your friends? Did they persuade you to do this?

Y’know, my friends actually set me up with you as sort of a birthday present

Wangpuppy825

oh? then i guess i should thank them 😳

and yes, my friends did persuade me to do this hhahaha

Yien_Duan_

Thank my friends? What for?

Your friends did a good job with the basketball pictures. I think those were what made my friend Yugyeom choose you

Wangpuppy825

thank them for setting me up with such a hottie 🥵

oh! you play?

Yien_Duan_

Ahh, you’re making me embarrassed... 😳

Yeah, I played when I was in college in USA

Wangpuppy825

omg you used an emoji for the first time 🥰

usa? you’re a foreigner too?

Yien_Duan_

Hahah, I don’t really use emojis because I’m used to texting formally at work 😅

Wow, it feels like we’ve got a lot in common huh

Wangpuppy825

use them more 🥺

it does! you’re probably the most interesting person i’ve met on this site the whole week 😌😌

Yien_Duan_

Then I’m honoured I got your attention first :)

Tell me more about yourself? Unless you’ve got to go to bed already

Wangpuppy825

oh, no no hahah

i usually sleep way past midnight so this is fine 🤩

anyway, who would be crazy enough to turn down a conversation with someone like you 😖😖

Yien_Duan_

Flirtatious, are we?

Wangpuppy825

only because you’re adorable 🥰

t a g s 🍓

sugar daddy x sugar baby au

social media au

possessive mark

switch jackson

dominant mark

sexting / nudes

fluff / angst / smut

college student! jackson

friends with benefits-ish to lovers

#got7 markson #jackson wang #mark tuan #got7 aus #sugar daddy au #sugar daddy mark tuan #sugar baby jackson wang #got7 social media au

[wonderingarmy]

Prince Kim Taehyung Part 2

Part 1 Link

Guys, I love this story so much so I hope you guys like it too. Let me know what you guys think? No? Okay. Anyways, Part 3′s will be coming out soon after Prince Jungkook’s Part 2. Look forward to it. Thank you!!

The Illness

You and Taehyung became close friends as time goes by. You share the same interests when it comes to animals and paintings. You both hang a lot especially when he is on break after tour. You both would go to zoo and art museum and study paintings, sharing your opinions to each other and googling the story of the painting and the painter. He even help volunteer with you at your local animal shelter. You are starting to get to know him more and more.

Fans started rumors that you are dating and people hate it. When Big Hit made a statement that you guys are not together, a lot of fans were relieved but some still believed that you are dating because you are always together.

“Y/N, I am sorry people keep bashing you on socmed because of me” he told you one time, when you were visiting the new aquarium in town.

“Don’t worry about me Tae, worry about yourself. It’s your career that’s going to go down if you start dating me. I am just an ordinary citizen of the country” you replied “Plus it’s not even real, unless you want it to be real” you continued winking at him

“Ahh, Y/N you think you’re cute.” he said shaking his head smiling.

You smiled back at him and you realize how much you like being with him. He is really such a nice person when you get to know him plus, he is trying his best not to be rude to people he just met when he is having a bad day.

“I wonder what it’s like to date you?” you asked, while admiring the jellyfish inside a huge cylinder aquarium

“Lots of sex.” he said smiling but looking so serious. “Like wild, amazing, all day, nonstop, sex”

You both stared at each other and you have that disgusted look.

“You’re gross Tae. How do you even know that having sex with you is amazing? Ugh. I bet you’re still a virgin. You’re so full of shit.” you replied leaving him to go to a different tank

“How do you know I am a virgin?” he said trying to lower his voice down while following you

“You stopped and stared at him. The world doesn’t deserve his beautiful face. “There! It’s written all over your face. It’s saying ‘I am the Taehyung the Virgin. I still don’t know if I am amazing in sex’” you continued, laughing

“You wanna try?”

“Ah no. Thank you. You’re disgusting. I am leaving you.” you said now heading to the exit.

“Where are you going?” he asked running after you.

“I am leaving.”

“How are you going to get home?”

You stopped walking and looked at him again and said, “Duh. You’re taking me home”.

“Okay. So, you want to leave me but you need a ride?” he said, smiling. You didn’t say anything so he just followed you to the nearest exit.

This is what it’s like spending time with Taehyung. You bicker but you never had a serious fight. You always argue over small things, yet you always end up in his car laughing and making fun of each other. Spending time with him is never boring. And you love seeing his beautiful face.

It’s been over a year and you and Tae have gotten closer to each other. He would often take Yeontan to the salon when he is busy and most of the times you take him to your apartment so Tae can just pick him up there. When Tae is really too busy to pick Tannie up from the salon, you’d go to the studio and wait until he is done with rehearsals. When they’re on tour, he would always ask you to take care of Yeontan. You became so comfortable with each other, that you are starting to have feelings for him.

“Tae, I love you. We should foreal date and satisfy our shippers.” you teased, when you and him were having dinner at a quiet bar during his break.

“How sure are you that they ship us together?” he asked wiping his mouth dry

“Because, some say I am cute. I mean, I know a lot of people would say I am too ugly for you. But, you think I am cute so that’s the only thing that matters right?” you asked, you stopped drinking alcohol for less than a year now, but why do you feel like you’re acting drunk in front of him.

He laughed and flicked your forehead. “You’re so silly, Y/N.”, he replies. “You’re beautiful, and funny, and amazing human being, and the best dog groomer ever! But, you should stop saying we should date.”

“Am I not enough?” you asked, pouting

“You are more than enough, Y/N” he replies, too busy with his food.

“Ah Tae, promise me that if you don’t date me, you’ll find someone that will take care of you and love you for the rest of your life? Okay? Also, someone that will kick your butt when you are being rude?” you told him, now trying to busy yourself playing with the food on your plate.

“Don’t say such things. You know I’ll find someone beautiful, and kind, and not someone that acts like they’re always on their monthly thing, and someone I can have sex with all day.” he replies, you looked at him and he was staring at you and smiling.

The truth is, Taehyung loves you. He loves you too much that he is scared to tell you what he feels. He is scared that every time you tease him that you both should date, you were just joking. Because you’ve been teasing him about what it’s like to date him or you both should date since when you became good friends. He is scared that everything is just a joke to you and you’ll never take him seriously.

***

The next day, you were so busy at the salon that you forgot to take a break.

“Y/N, please go take your break. You haven’t eaten yet.” Miss Lee said coming from behind you while you’re busy grooming a labradoodle.

“I’ll just finish this up Miss Lee and then I’ll take my break.” you replied

“I’ll take over Y/N. Please take care of yourself.” she insisted. You can’t argue anymore because she is your boss.

You were about to stand up from the chair when you felt your chest tightening up. Your started to feel dizzy that your face started to look pale and you feel like you can’t breathe. Your surroundings started to get blurry and the last you hear is Miss Lee yelling your name.

The next thing you know, you woke up in a hospital, Taehyung sitting on the chair beside the bed you were laying on.

“Tae”, you said, still groggy from the medicines they gave you

“Are you feeling better?” he asked holding your hand

��Better.” you said, not looking him straight in the eye

“Miss Lee told me.” he said, you can tell that he’s upset. You’ve known him for awhile now and he always have a hard time hiding his emotions.

“Oh, it was a busy day today. I forgo---”

“How long are you going to hide this from me?” Taehyung interrupted

“Tae…”

Two months before you met Taehyung, you were diagnosed with a rare heart condition. The doctor told you to get a heart transplant so you can live a longer life, but you refused to. You were devastated about this news and it broke you into pieces. But you accepted it and continue to go on with your life taking all the required medicines everyday to make you feel at least better. “When it’s my time, it’s my time” you keep telling yourself. At least, I am trying to live my life like it’s the last and doing all the things I like to do to be happy. The doctor’s prognosis with your condition is that if you’re lucky, without the heart transplant, you’ll live up to five years.  

“Tae, I was planning to tell you. I just thought it’s not the right time yet.” you said, not looking him in the eye.

“Do you even know how much this hurts?” he asked now standing

“Tae, I don’t have enough energy to talk about this right now.” you begged

He threw his hands up to surrender and said, “Right. This is not the right time. I’ll leave you alone for now. We already called your parents and they’ll be here tomorrow.” He explained. He was about to leave when he came back and kissed your forehead and said, “I’ll be back.”

Your parents came the next day to visit you. They begged you to just leave the city and live in the province with them so they can take care of you. But, you told them you love the city and that you love your work. You told them not to worry about you and you’ll take good care of yourself from then on.

They took you back to your apartment after a three days of staying in the hospital. Taehyung never came back to visit you. Your parents left the following week to take care of their fish market business in the province. You promised that you’ll come back home when you know you can’t take care of yourself anymore.

Miss Lee and Lisa visited you after work one night. Miss Lee apologized about when he told Taehyung your condition. She said it just came out of her mouth because she was so worried about you.

“It’s okay Miss Lee.” you assured her,  “I am glad you told him. I wouldn’t be able to know how to tell him myself”

You were so bored at your home and you feel like your strength is back and that you can go back to work any time soon. But, Miss Lee told you to have a couple more weeks to rest more. She’ll take care of everything and if there is anything else you need to just let her know.

You were going to go for a walk one night when you got a call from Taehyung.

Y/N: Hi

Taehyung: Hey. I am sorry I didn’t get to visit you more often.

Y/N: I understand. I’d be mad at myself too.

Taehyung: Do you have time right now? Can I pick you up?

Y/N: Ahhh Taehyung! I have been waiting for a knight in shining armor to save me  in this dark dungeon. Please pick me up now!

Taehyung: *laughing* Be there in 15.

You hung up the phone and get ready.

He was a little late but he came. You got in his car and you were about to fasten your seatbelt when he pulled you in and wrapped his arms around you.

“I missed you Y/N.” he said

“I am sorry Tae”, you replied

“He let go of you, shook his head and told you that it’s okay. He understands.

He took you to an amusement that is already closed.

“Uhmmn.. Aren’t we late for the party?” you asked, curious on why he took you there.

He shook his head, smiled and said, “Amusement parks look more beautiful at night. When there’s no people around and when the lights are off.”

“It looks ghostly. Plus, aren’t you afraid of ghosts?’

“I am not afraid when I am with you. Let’s go?” he grabbed your hand and you both ran to the gates.

When you reached the front gate, you were out breath.

“Are you okay? Sorry, I made you run.” he said still holding you hand.

“I am okay.” you replied.

He helped you climbed the gate, though you struggled a bit, you managed to climb over it.

“We are going to get in so much trouble Tae and you’re an Idol. At least I don’t have nothing to lose.” you said as you head to the ferris wheel.

He helped you climb inside one of the buckets and he went inside after.

“So are you going to make this move?”, you asked

“Don’t be silly. This is not a movie you’re in. Plus, I am not getting myself in trouble just to please you” he replied, trying to swing the bucket.

“This is boring. We can’t even see the view if we just stay here at the bottom of this huge ass thing.” you complained.

“I like the view here.” he said, staring directly into your eyes.

Before you could say anything, he pulled you closer and pressed his lips against yours.

You felt butterflies, no the zoo, or the whole safari in your stomach. You felt safe and sound. You felt your heart beating so fast, that you feel your going to end up in the ER again.

When he let go of you, you both stare at each other.

“Tae…” is all you can say.

“Y/N, be my girlfriend.” it wasn’t even a question.

“Tae, you know I can’t.”

“You keep wanting me to be your boyfriend and now that I want you to be my girlfriend, you don’t want to?”

“Tae, you don’t even know how long I am going to live. I could die right at this moment, who knows. Plus, don’t do this because you pity me.” tears are starting to fall down your cheeks.

“I don’t. I love you Y/N. And I love you the first day I met you. That moment I saw you from outside the salon, sleeping with Yeontan on the couch when I picked him up late. I love you because you’re funny and beautiful and you understand me and because I just do. I have many reasons why I love you and I don’t think you even need a reason to love a person.”

“Please don’t say that just because I am dying.”

“I am not saying this because you’re sick or.. Please don’t say you’re dying! I am saying this because that is what I feel about you. I don’t care about how sick you are or how long you’re going to live. I just need to be with you.”

“Tae…. I don’t know what to say. I just don’t want to do something that I know is not going to last. I love you too Tae, I am just scared. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“Just say yes Y/N. I promise I’ll make us last. I promise I’ll make every second of us memorable.”

“Tae, I am going to need you more than you will need me, you understand right?”

“I don’t care Y/N. I’ll give up everything for you.”

“Tae no, please don’t say stupid th----”

“Then please just say Yes and be my girlfriend!” he said not realizing that he raised his voice.

“Tae..”

He hugged you and you gave in. You whispered “yes” in his and when he heard your answer he hugged you tighter. Both of you crying, happy and scared at the same time.

You saw a flash of light somewhere and heard a noise not to far from behind you. You and Taehyung let go of each other.You stared at each other for a few seconds, smiled and he grabbed you hand.

“Are you ready?” he asked

You nod, and you both ran before you get caught by the security, all the while glancing at each other and smiling. At that moment, you don’t care if you’re going to die at that moment, or the next week, in months, or in five years. All you care about is how happy you are with Taehyung and how happy he looks right at that moment.  How you’re going to make every last seconds of your life be memorable and different. As long as you have him, you know everything’s is going to be okay.

#bts #bts imagines #bts imagine #bts fanfction #bts fanfic #bts ff #bangtan boys #bangtan #kim taehyung #taehyung #bts v #v x reader #bts x you #v x you #v x y/n #bts taehyung #bts kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #taehyung x yn #bts smut #bts fluff #taehyung imagine #taehyung fanfic

[jepretpress]

Hi, It’s Been Long Time

Well, literally it’s been long time i don’t come to you, tambi. i think it’s been 3 or 4 years, right?

well in that period, many things happened. i got a new job in 2018 with office hour, and i was busied so that’s why i rarely writting again in here or there (yes the wordpress). My mom passed away in 2020, and pandemic begin, so a lot changing in our life. In 2021, my dad sick. He diagnosed there’s a problem with his motoric nerves, so i have to take care of him, but, before you judge me, i don’t mind it for to take care of my parents.

and now 2022, i became a jobseeker again. It just only 1 week after i became a jobseeker. I still processing and healing from what happened in last friday. i can’t tell you, but well it makes me down. 

In my freetime, i remember that i have you, tambi. Okay, i’m sorry that i was forgotting you, but when i remember that i have you, i’m visiting you, and try to read again what i was wrote here, and wow, years ago, i was overt enough about my feels. but, now, it’s hard for me to express what i feel to anyone, even the socmed (yes, the twitter). 

Everytime i rant, i speak up about my problems, my feels to my friends, i can’t tell the whole story or express my true feelings. i don’t know why. When i want to rant, my intention is, i let out my feelings to my friends, but in the reality, i only could tell them 75% of my feelings. I don’t know why, but my guess is because i’m getting older. people around me have their own life, so i can give them burdensome. So that’s why i choose to hid my feelings in my heart and my mind. And that’s why i feels so tired mentally.

I read my post, 24 and insecurity. Well, it’s still relevant or relateable to me. I still feel it. Overall, my life from 24 to now almost 28 in 2 months, still same, but my view about life is change. As I become older, i try to accept the reality and yeah just let it flow.

Now i don’t really look up to other person success. I realized that everyone has different path and different time. The Times will came for sure. Now, i don’t care what people said, what people expect, and what people see about me. Also i don’t set my standard by society standard. I’m too tired with my life and my problem, so i decided to not care about the others. I want focusing on my own life.

I’m still have a lot worries. The more getting older, of course, the problems getting bigger,so i have a lot worries. My worries is about present and future. I wish and I hope i can through it and answer the worries with good results.

To be honest, i still have a lot that i want to tell you, but as i mentioned above, it’s hard to express what i feels. I’m now not as the same i’m in the 4 years ago. So, until here. If i have something to tell again, i’l came here. maybe..... but well i’ll try.

i use english, but sorry for the wrong grammar, but to whoever read it, i think you understand what i mean, right?

I wish you guys stay healthy and stay safe :)

[theabandonedfeelings-blog]

The Infinites

Being a part of this instant family (to me) is one of the most precious thing that ever happened to me. Imo, to meet them was the best thing I experienced in my 2017. We consisted of  8 people. We may look normal, but actually we are real dorks.We have different characters and personality, ofcourse. But fortunately we blended and matched each other so well. I was always so quite and preserve whenever Im with new people, but with them, it is indeed, an exceptional. Being an introvert didnt even help me, but they did, help me. KKN era forced me to adapt faster than I usually did, because we only had 45 days, right? I wasnt even familiar with the idea of 'living with some strangers and doing things together with some strangers'. It was my biggest nightmare to live with people other than family. But KKN really changed the way I perceived something.

There were times when I just wanted to be alone. Whenever Im in my solitary moment, one of them would came up to me, asked, "What are you doing here all alone? Can i join?". Thats why I never been alone while at KKN bcs they always nongol one by one and joined my dont-disturb-me-i-want-to-be-alone-for-a-while corner. Whatevs I did and whenever i went, they could always find me. And somehow I felt thankful for that. That was how they invaded my personal spaces, and made me realize that no matter how introvert you are, you will find comforts if you are being surrounded by the right people.

We named our self The Infinite Team. We had a deep philosophy meaning behind that name. Our group consists of 8 people, eight means infinite. By 'infinite' we hoped that our spirit will be infinity to face infinity problematics that we had when KKN. Sounded cheesy, we knew. But we strived to meet the expectations. We hoped we exceed people expectation by carrying that name. Yea, that name meant alot for us. Others group would consisted of 9 or 10, but since we were only 8 we received less amount of money from uni. It didnt bother us that much. But, our concern was the amount of people we had. We were 2x more tired bcs we lacked of people, compared to others. We used to have double job, cover each other position while finishing our own jobdesk. The plus is : our posko was actually a small house with 3 rooms. By having 8 members we could save space and EVEN WATER (oh god thankyou). We didnt have to queue for too long to take a bath or shalat. We divided the household chores fairly, ex doing dishes (2 people in each meal time), doing laundry (2-4 people in a day), house cleaning, and cooking. We usually did the turn by playing some games. Tho its childish but we found it fun. We used to play UNO every night. Or when we got bored of UNO we switched to other card games, like bohong, werewolf, speed, obat nyamuk, and etc. We used to arrange our schedule every ba'da isya by writing some to do lists in the whiteboard. After Maghrib,I turned the TV and I got scolded alot bcs i always watched naruto. Its not because they dislike naruto, but it was bcs that Naruto eps was being replayed over and over again that they fed up with it. But they still watched it anyway lol, I know you guys would still like it, stop complaining.

Every Saturday noon, we sat together to watch master chef and ninja warrior (our life saver). In Sunday morning we spent some times by having breakfast and watching Doraemon. Every once in a week we went out to eat at some random warung by using 'uang kehidupan'. We would get 'scholarship' to eat gratisan from that uang kehidupan. Yeah we had this habit to give nicknames in every thing. We called a bunch of snacks with 'uang rakyat' bcs we bought it with money from uni. We named our family room with 'ohana room' bcs Ohana means family. We named our flashlights 'Sumber kehidupan' bcs idk?. We named one of our room the 'before after room' bcs we used it to do make up. We had a room called 'logistics room' bcs thats where we keep our logistics. We named a guling as 'Oji's boyfriend' bcs thats how jones she were. We gave a nickname to a middle schooler as 'elsa' because his hands were always cold. And oh, we even gave name to our lovely live safer, 3 motors that we brought along from solo. They are ABut, plat K, and dolphino. We also had 2 cats, named Mendes and Alex. And these are the infinites :

1. Amel

Amel is that person who was in charge of cooking. She liked to take a nap at 13.00 and woke up at 14.30 straightly. She went to sleep early than any other people. She is actually a year older than the rest of us but she is the most innocent. One day she copied Dimma's pick up line, "WTF", thinking it means "astaga" in bahasa indo. She used that word for a week straight until we told her the actual meaning of that phrase. Her favorite activity consisted of taking photos and selfie, and update them on socmeds. She is the softest from all of us tho. She was also in charge of some updates in our instagram. She always got the most numerous bullies but she always nevermind. She could always laughed even for some lame jokes. She likes Spongebob, even she laughed like spongebob. She always lost whenever she plays game. But she tried hard in every Zombie vs Plants game and even counter strikes. One day, i saw her cry in the backyard but i didnt approach her bcs i thought whenever someone's crying I want to give them their space. I thought I would asked her whe she's feeling better, but dammit I forgot, like at all. Im sorry mel, i love you.

2. Ayub

Ayub is our Koordinator Desa or Kordes. He is practically our leader. But he somehow didnt act like a leader. He is the laziest person in this team. We picked him only because his home is in Pati, the Kabupaten we lived in. Ayub is the most narsis person i have ever known. His personality in 16personalities proved that he had the most common personality (16% of the amount of population in the world). He is the antithesis of my personality. He is so extrovert and comfortable to share his thing. He was always plays music using speaker every morning. At first we didnt bother with it, but slowly it annoyed us because his playlist was so damn lame. I knew he was always a dork but, come on, who would download covered songs with clapping sounds in the background. You can just download the actual song instead, Yub, smh. We used to hid that damn speaker to prevent Ayub for playing his music in the early morning. They gave the speaker to me and hoped that I would play better playlists, but I dissapointed them right after bcs i only had 4 songs, and it was all Taylor swift songs. But aside from his weird music taste, he is good at cooking. His level is far higher than mine. He likes to learn new things like the cup song, english, UNO, and even being doctor (we had 2 medical students). He likes to play badminton and always criticized at how I play. He was also dumb at times. But overall, he is a good person.

3. Azis

Azis whose name is everywhere is the most receh person. His jokes were always so lame that sometimes it could make us mad at him. We had to pretend that we didnt hear him joking in order to stop his lame jokes. Aside from that, he is a hardworking person. He is in charge of being the most religious person but somehow he had the dirtiest mind among us. He once said to me that in his campus life, he's known as quiet and preserve type which is the vice versa of the personality he had in KKN. He always had me to do chores and force me to buy things like flour, egg, and etc. His motor is Dolphino. He is the one who always complain at everything. And always saying things that triggered us but ended it like, 'Guys why would you do something stupid like this, CAN I JOIN'. He is dork af but in front of childrens he always in serious mode activated. His works often being underapreciate but he never failed us, always treated us good. He was like our human-reminder. He remind us time to time for some small details. "Guys dont forget that tmrw we still have 100 things to do, lets sleep before its too late". Or. "Guys, did you remember what pak kades said about xxxxx?". Or. "Dont forget to buy this and that." Thankyou for your concern, zis. Just knew that we were bunch of forgetful people, without him, we'd be lost.

4. Bela

Bela was the only one who constantly doing her puasa senin-kamis while KKN. Thats why we gave her exception by ousting her from doing dishes. She might be the most sensitive person among us, but she was also caring and considerate. She is younger than me, but she's all matured. She was the alternate kordes whenever Ayub's not in good mood to talk. She had alotta secret admirers, from children to abang penjual pentol istimewa. She is good with elder people. We can talk about almost everything. Tho she spent the most of time doing make up, she's actually not that girly. She was my partner in magang, doing laundry, and dishes. She was my life saver whenever im lazy driving the motor. Her motor named ABut, and it was my fave.

5. Dimma

Dimma whose name is soooo long is the one who took his most KKN time by annoying others with his childish behaviour. Indeed he is the youngest of our team. He is lowkey soft and caring. He onced renewed ABut's oli, he brought us food even without us asking, he made sure that everyone got their rights. He's just our precious youngest. He's good at fixing electronical problems. He was my partner in everyday's life. He took me round the village and helped me filmed using dslr. He gave me input and critics abt my editing. He was my partner on doing dishes. He laughed with me tho its past midnight while we did our own works and the others were mad at us bcs they were sleeping. He was the one who accompanied me stargazing in teras. One day we had to begadang because it was almost deadline and we havent finished our works. He was doing his presentations and I was busy doing the after movie. We were working quitely on our own works bcs we didnt want to disturb the others bcs our sounds. At 01.00 am we got tired and i asked him random things but we ended up having a serious deep talk about life. He was the one who made fun of my name by calling me Karizzza. It annoyed me at first, but I was sorta get used with my name being made fun of. I once told them that my name is meaningless (i didnt mean to say like that, it was because im mad). But in the end, at his letter he told me this, "The name in which you think is meaningless actually have a great meaning, it is a hope and prayer from your parents. It defines how strong you were and what you will be in the future. Dont hate your name okay." And that was everyone, the first time he ever called me Karizsa.

6. Iim

I cannot find proper words to describe how grateful i am to be in the same team with her. She is, as everybody knows, my bestfriend in campus. We are in the same class and even in the same queer. She is so critical, open minded, respectful, thoughtful, and reliable + dependable. She is full package. She always ordered to be MC in everty formal event. She ate the most than the rest of us, but she didnt gain weight. She's known for her smol and short figure and always busy with her phone. She had her most time by catching up news and watching GOT spoiler on yutub. We had the same obsession with Blackpink's song As if it your last. We came from the same faculty, so our way of thinking were more in political way. Thats why sometimes our opinions were divided between them and me & iim. At the end, we'd find a way, we got this. Me and her, We spoiled each other alot bcs weve known for sooo long. We cursed at each other in everyday life bcs thats just how bestfriend works. That bij, i love her.

7. Oji

I think my team didnt deserve Oji. She is the kindest, the most humble and easy going among us. Tho she didnt understand javanese, she always takes her time by learning javanese phrases, even made effort by writing it in books so she can memorize later. She brought half of her stuffs to posko. She brought along her car which takes 4 hours long from solo. She is strong independent woman, even she rode a pickup car that none of boys cannot ride. She is true gamer and half eater. She always tell stories abt her family and her campus life. Her family is somehow looked like bunch of gag (based on her story). She got calls from her family time to time. She was my dumb & dumber partner. Oji is a lil bit crybaby tho. She cried the most while KKN. She is a medical student, but her acts didnt say so. Hahahaha. One day, he told us this : "Do u know what make me grateful to be in this team? Thats because you never say that phrase." "What phrase?", Asked us. " 'Im embarassed being your friend' ". We felt so soft. And thats it. I enjoyed being with them. Tbh it was the best 45 days I've spent in my entire life so far. Well spent. It was such an unforgettable story to live with these seven dorks. Even after our KKN life ended, im still bragging to my other friends about them. They did the same too. I learnt a lot from them. Thanks guys for making my KKN life better than it should be. I guess ‘thankyou’ is just an understatement word to describe how grateful I am to have them.

I should've disappointed bcs i didnt get to KKN in my own kabupaten. But instead, God came with a better plan. When i shared abt KKN life with my campus friends, they mostly complained about how bad their teamwork or any conflicts happened within their team. But thanks God, i've never experienced that, at all. We were so lucky to have each other. At the last day, we wrote a letter to each other. One of it said, "Im so thankful to be in the same team with these strong people".p>

And yeah, we all were thankful for having each other, dont we?

Let’s meet again now and in the future, guys.