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#also very happy you sent this ask cause I am WORKING on stuff regarding her and that Old Man.
fujii-draws · 1 month
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i know i talk alot about aimilios in your asks and (on some occasions in your tags) but i think that out of the two ribbons is undoubtedly my favorite. my little eevee baby. my sweet girl who would call me a stinker. shes so awesome. (also ive been meaning to write a fic about her and amilios but thats for another time)
THANK YOOU. She is my silly little Eevee daughter aswell and I love her so fucking much.
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oh nono i wholeheartedly agree with you actually, like i said honkai story can be overglorified and the overglorification of literature can have horrible impact to its reader and others who feel like the story can be too heavy. it can also bait others if you dont have proper understanding of the lore, you can end up getting into it and well, feel empty. Honkai has triggering theme, you can love it but you can also set aside the themes that are too heavy and overglorified, like you have to admit the start of honkai is very messy and confusing, this can lead a lot of people astray so i defo wont recommend others to read honkai if they cant handle the topic or dont have enough time to read the full lore, cause without getting its theme and getting to the end you can take it as a very heavy story. its very context dependant and heavy on its triggering theme to amplify the end. which is why i sent the ask to you anonymously, it was more to me screaming to the void on my personal take and i never expected it to be replied, and it was also twisted to be seen in the perspective of elly headspace and eden romantical art philosophy, a deepdive to what they think about their story and end. they are very very mentally stable for people who lived in the end of the world and has personal struggle, they look at the world through rose colored lenses, partially as a way of acceptance. so i would never ever recommend people to read this take if they are in a bad headspace, or cant handle heavy and triggering topics. elysia eden rose colored view of their heavy story can be triggering to many and it also cant be overglorified too much, you dont have to honor someone else take on literature you like if its too heavy, you should always stop, your headspace and mental health is the utmost priority. personally I've been through many things which i wouldn't elaborate on since it can be TW heavy, but ive found people who loved, understood and accepted me, ive healed through them and im eternally grateful to them, which is why i could look at its theme and accept it as it is. i am very privileged in this way since not a lot can find this opportunity, fuhua character writting is especially moving to me because of this.
really sorry for the misunderstanding, sincerely much love from anon <333
hey hey anon— first you’re absolutely right about their rose colored glasses over the situation— but most importantly, I assure you the way I replied was healthy for me. You don’t have to worry or teach me about what I should or shouldn’t drop, I’m not a child and I’m decent at managing these topic in regards to what they do to me, the way I ended up answering you was the way that worked with my mental health.
I also answer all my good faith asks, if I haven’t replied to yours yet they’re in drafts (or didn’t get sent but I wouldn’t be aware of that). I’m okay! If I’d forced myself to engage in the way you intended I would’ve been hurt, so I didn’t do that, that’s all.
I think it’s important to acknowledge that different people have different needs when it comes to stories. I do love heavy topics, I don’t shy away from tragedy, zero problem with all the messed up stuff in this game’s lore, I just have this specific little broken thing in my brain that makes it so I can’t appreciate certain approaches, even if they’re in character.
Every human you’ll ever meet has been through some degree of bull and probably has a few little broken bits too, that’s just how life is.
That said I would not call Eden mentally stable?? She’s a chronic alcoholic who probably has ptsd and she was suicidal from months to years before her death. Like that is not what mentally stable is. Her circumstances are understandable but the way she acted was absolutely not “stable”.
Elysia is debatable, she’s got a pretty good handle on herself but she’s also prone to putting up a happy front to mask her grief and not expressing her negative emotions. This isn’t healthy at all, for all that she remains positive, acknowledgment of negative emotions is vital to remaining a healthy individual, you’ll run yourself ragged forcing happiness all the time. In ch31 when she tells Eden Dr.MEI is probably right and she’s most likely a Herrscher, she chokes up and almost cries before forcing it down with determination and her happy front. Like. That’s not healthy behavior. I need to wrap her in a blanket and let her cry her heart out
Basically I hate the message of “don’t be sad that we part” because it IS sad. Not acknowledging this means you’ll just repress your sadness and that’s just not healthy. It’s okay to be sad. It’s healthy to be sad. Sadness exists to help your brain process loss and grief. Unexpressed, they simply fester and cause you pain… so this is a PSA to let yourself feel sad and cry, you’ll feel better afterwards.
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moonbeam-writing · 3 years
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Request: “sugino's childhood friend is the student council vp + #2 student. they like e/o but have been on bad terms ever since he dropped to 3-e. she didn't have friends besides him + her cousin maehara so she's sad about it but hides it under a new cold personality,, chairman coerces her into being a student-teacher at 3-e to help kill korosensei + her cold attitude causes problems w/ the class. what if she eventually befriends everyone + makes up with maehara but stays hostile towards sugino 🤔 tysm!” + “ah yes it's the sugino requester here! yes i would like it to have a happy ending :)) thanks so much, i'm looking forward to it!” + “oh yeah it's the sugino requester here again! sorry for the third ask but feel free to add any jealousy related elements 👀 i hope you enjoy writing <3”
— Reconnecting
๑ Requested by a lovely Anon! ♡
๑ Characters: Tomohito Sugino (Assassination Classroom)
๑ Quick Note: Hello, darling! Thank you so much for requesting this! I had a bunch of fun writing this, sorry if it’s a bit long or not 100% like the request, but I feel like I got the major stuff. I really hope you like it!
๑ Warnings: None, really. Just fairly angsty, though, as always, there’s hurt/comfort vibes and a happy ending. :)
๑ Word Count: 3,562
(Y/N) (L/N) considered herself to be at the top of the world.
They were exactly where they were supposed to be so far in her life, getting exactly what they wanted and what they aimed for from how much work they put in. (Y/N) may have been one step down from the very top, but they were more than willing to take the place they earned. They were the top girl in the entirety of Kunugigaoka Junior High and there was nothing more satisfying than knowing that, aside from her place on the student council, but even that wasn’t quite the same. High grades came with high status, and in a school as ruthless as this one, she loved nothing more than knowing that the fruits of her own labor were what were keeping her safe.
Granted, it was lonely at the top. No one really liked anyone at Kunugigaoka for the most part. Sure, there were friendships, but all of them seemed either fake or hanging on by a thread. The admiration of others like her or the principal’s son wasn’t all that real, either. That admiration became jealousy and envy in seconds. People were willing to do virtually anything and use almost anyone to keep their grades up. Anything to avoid getting transferred to 3-E, that is. You were doomed if you managed to drop down to the “End Class,” no one had ever heard a story of someone being sent there coming back. It was like a story made up to keep everyone in line, only it wasn’t a story. It was very, painfully real and the stories served their purpose.
     (Y/N) had once had friends with her. She still did to an extent, but it wasn’t the same. Or, at least, they didn’t think it was. There was her cousin, Maehara, and Sugino, her best friend. They were thick as thieves, though, E Class brought separation, putting up a barrier between herself and the boys. The barriers were different for each boy, though.
Maehara was family, close family at that. He was (Y/N)’s first and best friend in the universe. The added bonus of sharing blood, however, was what kept them close. The two had to attend family gatherings, meaning that even if their academic endeavors kept them apart, their personal lives weren’t going to get in their way, either.
     Sugino, however, was a friend. A friend without any family ties or any true reason to seek (Y/N) out, or at least, that’s what he had thought. (Y/N) left things fairly open when Sugino had to switch classes, completely putting her reputation on the line for him. They had always sent soft smiles and friendly winks his way when they passed each other on campus, but they never got any sort of response or reaction. It just created shame and embarrassment on both of their ends.
After a month or two, (Y/N) worked to make herself move on. They couldn’t forget him entirely, nor would she let herself, but they also acknowledged all of the variables that came with Sugino’s new situation. His world was essentially being turned upside down. Everything he had and had known before being shipped up the mountain was being taken away from him and changed. (Y/N) couldn’t even begin to understand what he was going through, and honestly, she didn’t want to. At this point, (Y/N) just wished things could go back to how they were. They missed their best friend, and they missed not feeling hurt by him.
It was only a matter of time until the universe pushed the two back together, though.
Despite being one of the best students and having absolutely nothing to worry about, (Y/N)’s stomach and heart dropped, they were called to the principal's office. (Y/N) wasn’t sure if there ever was or would be a point in time where the man didn’t scare her, but that was the least of her concerns at that moment. They could have been asked anything in that office. They could have been told anything in that office. Anything could have happened, and the worst part was that it likely couldn’t have been something she could share. Even if they wanted to, or it  was deemed that it was something they could share in the first place, but wasn’t sure they’d even have it in themself to. Even though Principal Asano paraded himself as some kind of borderline neutral and caring man, everyone knew that he was the exact opposite.
“You wanted to see me, sir?” (Y/N) fought the shake in their voice, but it wasn’t quite enough to get rid of it. She may have closed herself off after Sugino and Maehara left, but the man’s intimidation factor was something that couldn’t be ignored. It was all too intense and the dark appearance and atmosphere of the room did nothing to calm her nerves.
“I did.” His deep voice sounded almost cheerful, more than (Y/N) would have liked to hear. She would have preferred his rumbling monotone over this. “I have been doing some thinking recently and as it turns out, you’re the only one I can think of to handle this job.”
(Y/N) stared at the man in front of them curiously. They weren’t sure what he wanted, and they didn’t like that. The worst part, however, is that (Y/N) knew she wouldn’t have much of a choice. “Oh yeah?”
“Yes. I believe Class 3-E needs a bit of extra help.” (Y/N)’s stomach began to twist. “Unfortunately, I need my son to stay where he is, but you,” he paused, peering up at her from his desk, “you are a bit more flexible in regards to things like this. You help people all the time after all.” 
(Y/N) felt herself swallow heavily. There were so many possibilities of what could happen that they felt like they might not be able to cope. Sure, Maehara was there, but that seemed to be the only bright side. (Y/N) knew going up the mountain would be rough, and she wished she could find even the slightest bit of wiggle room to decline his so-called offer.
Asano, however, did not appreciate (Y/N)’s silence. He hated the obvious hesitance to answer even more. For someone in her position, (Y/N) seemed to have more resolve than he expected; others would have already given in with panicked compliance. He had noticed (Y/N)’s change over time, however, it made her the way she appeared; unmoving and closed off. Then he thought of his best bargaining chips. “You know people there, correct?”
“Almost everyone.” (Y/N) replied, not answering with what he wanted to hear on purpose. “I fear that not everyone would appreciate my presence, no matter how nice I am, though.” It was the truth and (Y/N) felt it needed to be said. It was a genuine concern and (Y/N) didn’t want to overstep; they would have every right to not like her and (Y/N) would never be able to blame them.
“I’m sure that’s not true. You have family in the E class. A cousin, correct?” 
“Yes, sir.” (Y/N) knew at this moment that he had officially backed them into the farthest corner he could.
“I’m sure he’ll love to see you.” His words were final; there was no getting out of this. “Now, there are a few things that will make this arrangement different.”
(Y/N) ignored the memory that wouldn’t leave them alone in the last few days. They hated that they let themself  be cornered that way and hated that they weren't too surprised even more. Kunugigaoka was corrupt and heavily classist, they knew that, but it was still wild to them. That was the environment they were growing up in, and because of the principal, it was arguably getting worse.
There were multiple things that (Y/N) had to face that morning that they weren’t ready for. All issues varied in their severity, but (Y/N) viewed all of them as something to worry about. Once (Y/N) thought of them, however, they noticed that their priorities may have been a bit skewed.
The strangest part that (Y/N) had to worry about was the main teacher of Class 3-E. The teacher, who was named Koro-Sensei by his students, was actually an alien. Not only that, but an alien that destroyed most of the moon and planned on doing the same to Earth. As much as (Y/N) wanted to ignore it, the gun and knife tucked into the waistband of their skirt and meeting a government agent absolutely destroyed that option.
There was also the class itself. (Y/N) once knew all of them and was even on good terms with almost all of them, but things definitely change once you’re booted off the main campus. (Y/N) was sure that no matter how nice she made sure to be to them that they wouldn’t accept any of it. She was considered top tier while they were nothing as soon as they got transferred. (Y/N) knew she couldn’t blame any of them for how they might feel or react to her.
Then, of course, there was Sugino. In (Y/N)’s mind, Sugino was the scariest thing about that day and their foreseeable future. Would he be even a little happy to see them? Would he talk to them at all now that (Y/N) was in his territory? It seemed dumb to (Y/N) that this was what got to them the most, but it was what it was. They had been inseparable, and now things were different, so wildly different. (Y/N) didn’t think she was ready.
(Y/N) let out a breath as they stood in front of the door to 3-E. She wasn’t sure if it was something that had been held in because of nerves or the trek up the mountain, but it helped remind them to breathe. They rolled her shoulders back and took another deep breath. (Y/N) could do this. If they could talk shit to the principal’s son’s face, they could face their old classmates and friends.
They knocked on the door, waiting for the ‘come in’ before moving. Carefully closing the door behind them, they quickly glanced between their peers and the being in front of them. Bewildered by the teacher didn’t even truly begin to describe what (Y/N) thought, but they decided it was a good start as they continued to stand awkwardly by the door, purposefully ignoring all of the eyes on them. There were only two people (Y/N) felt they could look in the eye and they were Maehara and Nagisa Shiota, a boy who they swore didn’t have a mean bone in his body and reciprocated (Y/N)’s kindness. The fact that (Y/N) felt like they couldn’t look at Sugino definitely didn’t get past them, but they were absolutely going to force themself to forget it for the time being.
“Ah! You must be Miss (L/N)! Welcome!” The alien enthusiastically greeted. It was almost overwhelming if (Y/N) was being honest.
“Uh, yes, hello.” (Y/N) felt bad about their feeble response, but that was all they could seem to say. Honestly, (Y/N) knew the experience was going to be something else, especially as time past and (Y/N) closed themself off to the world. Everyone in the building probably saw her as two-faced, they were sure of it. “Truth be told, I’m not sure why I’m here.” At this point, (Y/N) figured being honest was the best and only way to go about things. “I know it had something to do with being a tutor or student teacher or something, but I saw your guy’s test scores, none of you really have anything to worry about.”
“You’re probably here to help off him more than anything, (N/N).” Maehara laughed. “He doubts us so much.” He trailed off sarcastically.
(Y/N) was grateful for it; they felt like it took some of the pressure off of them. “Right. I mean, nothing was said about spy work or whatever, so I guess it could be literally anything else.” (Y/N) tried joking along, though they knew it didn’t land as well as they would have wanted.
“Right, well, it likely was for the assassination, so good luck! I’m Koro-Sensei and I wish you luck in killing me!” Koro-Sensei’s face changed and (Y/N) felt their stomach drop in dread. 
---
A few days had passed and things were going as smoothly as they could in the End Class. (Y/N) was definitely feeling the pressures that came with the new environment and couldn’t help but mentally commend everyone for how well they all seemed to keep up with everything. (Y/N) was admittedly rather shocked, though. Everyone seemed to warm up to her again, despite the clear change in her exterior. No one knew how the change came about, but they didn’t question it much, other than Karma who took a fair amount of joy in poking at (Y/N) every chance he got.
That being said, not everyone really interacted with (Y/N) if they didn’t have to, and she was more than okay with it. It did hurt, however, that Sugino was one of those people. (Y/N) wasn’t sure whether they were shocked or not, but it still left them with a weird sense of being hurt, despite how it was presented as indifference. That was their best friend, someone they considered to be their soulmate, platonic or otherwise, and now he wouldn’t even spare her a glance.
(Y/N) was torn between wanting to move on and wanting to fight. They knew that Sugino was the only one who could truly change his mind, but (Y/N) still held hope that their bond could be repaired. That hope only grew as time went on and (Y/N) spent more time in 3-E with everyone. (Y/N) felt as though they could feel that Sugino still felt something towards her and hoped that it was something positive, or at least neutral enough to talk to her a bit more than when he needed to.
To outsiders, (Y/N) could understand how some of it may have seen it as somewhat ridiculous or weird that she was still holding onto something like this, however, there were things that no one else knew about the situation. Funnily enough, that just so happened to be the majority of the details. The details, truly, were as clear as day if someone were to think about it for a moment, however, (Y/N) supposed it was the fault of anyone who misunderstood, not hers, and definitely not Sugino’s.
Whether anyone thought about it or not, Sugino’s transfer really wasn’t all that long ago. Just long enough for their mutual dread to set in and become part of their routines. It was a shame how quickly everything came about, but there was nothing either of them could have done about it. Neither of them were sure where they stood with the other.
Another seemingly obvious detail is that the two never said anything to the other about the situation. Not obviously, anyways. The news of someone going to the E Class had always been something that spread like a wildfire. Even though Sugino didn’t say it, he didn’t need to and (Y/N) only had words of comfort to offer. Sugino hadn’t wanted to hear it, though. He stormed away and (Y/N) was so shocked they couldn’t calm their mind enough to consider any of the possibly things he must have been feeling.
It was all a fiasco. There were other details, but they were far more miniscule compared to the others. After thinking about it, (Y/N) knew there were things that they were missing, things that they were sure that only Sugino was really aware of. He was the other half of this, after all. Much like how (Y/N) didn’t know what was going on in his mind, Sugino didn’t know what was going on in (Y/N)’s, and they weren’t even sure Sugino would ever want to know.
That Thursday afternoon, however, things were going to change. Much like when (Y/N) was called into Asano’s office, their world was going to shift once again, and drastically.
(Y/N) had assumed that if Tomohito Sugino were ever going to speak to them, it would be because Koro-Sensei needed him to, or because Maehara forced him to. When (Y/N) saw Sugino storming up to them like a man on a mission, they were sure that Maehara was behind whatever was about to come their way. Regardless, they weren’t going to take this opportunity for granted.
“Uh, (Y/N)?” His voice was hesitant, yet strict with nerves. The small, petty part of (Y/N) wanted to ignore him or seem uninterested, but it wasn't as simple as that. Mainly because (Y/N) couldn’t hide their interest, even though they wanted to.
“Hey, Sugino. What’s up?” 
“Not much.” He answered stiffly. “I was just wondering if we could talk for a minute?” (Y/N) nodded at the boy and followed him to a quieter place where the two could talk. 
(Y/N) wasn’t sure whether Sugino genuinely wanted to talk or he would have rather been anywhere else. It seemed almost as though Sugino were fighting himself; like he wasn’t fully allowed to embrace the fact that since they had become slightly reacquainted with each other, he had become more comfortable around them. Their situation seemed to get weirder and weirder every time (Y/N) thought about it, making her head spin. 
“So… It’s been a minute since we’ve spoken.” Sugino awkwardly started, trailing off and not daring to look (Y/N) in the eye. 
“Yeah, it has. I mean, you kinda ran off and never even looked at me afterward.” The hurt and slight bit of spite was obvious in their voice. She couldn’t help it; their issues were finally being addressed, and even though (Y/N) was going to be polite enough about her feelings and take any of his into account, she still wanted Sugino to be aware of how badly they were hurt because of his lack of communication. “I’m more than willing to hear you out, but I also hope you know that what you did hurt.”
Sugino nodded his head, finally looking at them. “Of course! And- And I didn’t mean for it to happen that way, really.” There was a brief pause before he continued. “When I got the news and when the word got around and stuff, uh, I was honestly kind of a wreck, but it didn’t really hit until later in the day when I saw you. I know that sounds bad, but like, it wasn’t your fault.”
(Y/N) almost wanted to laugh, to reach a comforting hand out onto his shoulder. Despite their time apart, it almost felt like nothing had changed. (Y/N) still felt the immediate need to show him their support, to make sure that he knew he still had someone unconditionally in his corner. Just sitting there and listening to what he had to say made it feel like any pain that was there didn’t exist, as though it had never been caused in the first place.
“I just- It was dawning on me how my life was ruined, and it bothered me that people spread it around so quickly and so easily. My life was officially over, and all of our classmates and so-called friends were just laughing about it!” He exclaimed. “I was so scared and so ashamed that I felt like I couldn’t face you. I guess, I was just scared that you were going to reject me.” He quieted himself down, letting his fists clench tightly. 
(Y/N) finally broke, resting their hand on top of the closer of his hands. “Sugino, I’m so sorry.”
“I know it’s dumb. You just mean so much to me that I was scared that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I completely messed our relationship up, and I’m sorry. You mean a lot to me, (Y/N); that’s never changed and never will.”
A deep frown settled itself on both of their faces, their fingers now intertwined. The silence was heavy and thoughtful. Neither of them wanted the moment to end, however, they both wished for better circumstances. That being said, they were together and it felt like old times. By that logic, they were on good terms once again, at least to some degree.
“You’re dumb, Sugino.” (Y/N) laughed and gently bumped shoulders with the boy next to them, pulling a laugh from him too.
“So are you, (Y/N).” He answered back, finally letting a small smile rest on his lips. “Wanna go catch up over food?” Sugino sheepishly offered.
(Y/N) laughed, completely unsurprised. “Sure.” She laughed, pushing herself off the ground. They dusted themself off and held out a hand towards Sugino to pull him up, not letting go of his hand. “Let’s go.”
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thelightsabcr · 2 years
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Get to Know the Mun!
REPOST DON’T REBLOG
———  BASICS! ♡ (PEN)NAME  :    Ani. PRONOUNS  :    She/her ZODIAC SIGN  :    Libra TAKEN OR SINGLE  :   Single, and ready to get super awkward around anyone I find attractive.
———  THREE  FACTS! ♡ • My pen name derives from my real name. It’s just the three first letters. • I buy too much Star Wars stuff with my adult money .-. •My favorite animal is cats. I have two, and I dare say one of them is my platonic soulmate.
———  EXPERIENCE! ♡ I’m old. I’ve roleplayed for way too many years and I can’t seem to let it go. I don’t remember which year I started roleplaying, but I remember it being on a norwegian website for Harry Potter roleplay. That is where my oc Lucifer was made, and I played him for many years on there before I eventually decided to quit due to too much bullying. (When I first started rp I had no sense of what was right or wrong regarding choice of character so I played someone people on there didn’t agree with, which had them bully me pretty heavily. The character wasn’t Lucifer, it was someone else, but ugghh. Never understood people’s need to bully and harass people for stuff like that. Anyway, rant over). I’ve also rp’d on MSN, Skype and Discord as well as a few games such as Rust, World of Warcraft, Valheim etc. Oh, and LARPing, I’ve done that too. I started on Tumblr in 2016 (I think?) roleplaying as Widowmaker from Overwatch for a couple years, before I switched between a few other muses. Then I had the bright idea of wanting to roleplay as Obi-Wan since I’ve always liked him quite a lot, and then I ended up here. That’s just my roleplay experience though, not my writing experience which is more vast tbh. I started writing when I was seven, wrote my first finished book at twelve, sent it to a publishing company at sixteen (didn’t get accepted, but got a lot of advice and encouragment), and finally got my first book published in 2017. Now I’m working on three separate projects, two in english and one in norwegian. Gonna stop myself here, cause otherwise this post will be wayyyy too long, haha. Feel free to ask should you be curious about anything though. I’m more than happy to chat about this or anything else!
———  MUSE  PREFERENCE! I tend to write more male muses than female ones, simply because it comes easier to me. Always have for some reason. Don’t know why. Guess I just feel I’m not able to communicate a realistic female muse so I rarely tend to have them. It’s probably all just in my mind, though. I also always use a bit of time to get to know the muse when I start rping as them, but as soon as that’s done, they’re stuck with me forever!
———  FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡     FLUFF  :   Also a huge yes please. I mostly end up writing fluff I feel with romantic ships, since I love letting my characters be content and happy as much as I love letting them suffer. ANGST  :  Yes please. I love angst very much even if it makes me cry. I am often so connected to my characters that I can feel their pain, whether that be physical or mental pain, which again have had me crying as I write at some points. Still love angst though - maybe there’s something wrong with me xD SMUT  :  I don’t mind smut at all, as I find it a vital part of a romantic ship, though that does not mean that you have to rp smut with me. Not at all! I love romance without smut too. Sometimes when writing smut my brain just stops - probably due to my own trauma - so when or if you write smut with me I may reply slowly cause I need to restart the brain from time to time. Other than that I don’t mind it, though I do not rp smut with everyone nor do I write smut for the sake of smutting - it has to have some plot to it.
PLOT / MEMES  :  I encourage plotting, and I love memes so either is fine by me. However, more often than not I tend to go with the flow, letting Obi-Wan do the work while I just write down what he believes is right.
tagging: Any and all who wishes to do it! tagged by: @skysnipsw
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liusaidh-writing · 3 years
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Call it True - Chapter 3
[Prefer AO3?]
[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2]
Here is Chapter 3! I am sorry it’s so late. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy. Chapter Four is on its way soon, too!
*****************************
Claire and Jamie exchanged texts and phone calls in the following days and nights. Unable to connect in person, they did what they could to remain close. Claire's night shifts ended after a week, and she was relieved to be back in the world of daylight once again. She also hoped this meant she and Jamie could get together again. And soon. 
I'm free! Well, until my time rolls around again, anyway. Next two days off, and not a single thing planned!
She hit send with a grin and imagined what she and Jamie might do on her time off. Go to dinner? Watch a movie, preferably curled up on a couch. What movies did he like? She started compiling a list of possible options while she rode along in Lesley's car after her final night shift had ended in the early morning hours. They’d picked up a grumbly Harry at the sitters before heading to Claire’s flat.
Lesley, in the driver's seat, reached back to grab Harry's snack cup before it was flung to the floor by a frustrated toddler.  The car swerved slightly as she turned back in her seat, causing Claire to gasp before Lesley set it right again. 
Lesley thrust the snack cup at Claire, snapping, "Did you not hear me? I was asking you to grab it from him! Where's your mind been these last few days, anyway?" 
Claire grasped the cup in her hands, dropping the phone in her lap. "Sorry! I just...didn't hear you! I’d rather the snack cup take the hit next time instead of us!" 
"You're sitting right next to me, and unless you've gone deaf in the last ten minutes, you're just not paying attention," Lesley said in a sing-songy voice, ignoring Claire’s comment regarding her driving, but making an obvious effort to keep her tone light. She sighed, flipping the wipers on to clear the windshield of mist. It was annoyingly rainy, only a mere drizzle, but oddly cold for a spring morning. "Feels like winter outside, does it not," she remarked, attempting to change the subject.  
"Yep...pretty cold." 
Claire's mind wandered back to Jamie in the sweater he'd worn on their date. It had looked so cozy, and Claire wondered how it would feel on her. She blinked rapidly, forcing herself back to the present.
"So, you had been telling me earlier about...custody?" 
Lesley sighed, grudgingly answering Claire's question. 
"Yes...I told you everything, but you were off in lala land half the time. Not surprised you don't remember. If you're here with me now, I'll tell you again."
"Yes, please, I'm really listening." Claire shoved her phone between her leg and the seat, hoping that having it out of sight would help her stay focused on what her friend was saying. 
"Well, Frank has decided he wants full custody of Harry. Make me some kind of weekend Mum." Lesley gritted her teeth thinking about the very idea of it. "Like he's capable of taking him on full time," she said, gesturing at Harry in the back, who'd fallen asleep. “He wouldn’t last an hour before he was calling me, begging for help.”
"He doesn't have grounds, surely! He can't just...make stuff up!" Claire was indignant, knowing how great of a mother Lesley was, and how perfectly lousy Frank was at everything from keeping Harry fed when he had him to keeping promises to Lesley about drop off times. 
Lesley shook her head and rested her left elbow on the car door as they sat at a stoplight. "It's absolutely insane. He thinks because he makes more money that he should have Harry. That my schedule at the hospital isn't 'suitable for a toddler.’  He's just making sure I waste my money on legal fees fighting him instead of spending it on taking care of Harry so I'll look bad," she finished, glancing at Claire with an incredulous expression. 
"Well, you know I'll do anything to help, Lesley!" 
They had reached Claire's building, and as Claire got out she reached back and lightly ruffled Harry's hair, giving Lesley a smile and thanked her for the ride. She grabbed her things and headed to her door, feeling her phone signal that she had a text message as she walked. She quickly unlocked her door, slung them to the floor and hungrily unlocked her phone to see a message from Jamie waiting to be read.
Good to hear, Sassenach. I suppose you’ll need to go home and sleep. How about I come by later this evening? 
Claire quickly sent a reply and beamed at...well, no-one. She locked her door and dreamily waltzed to the shower, eager to strip off her scrubs and wash the night away.
“Jamie and I are hanging out tonight!” she squealed, raising her arms in victory over her head. She gave a little twirl as she moved past her bedroom. Taking off her top, she flung it on her bed. Claire felt like a teenager - she was sure her cheeks were pink and her mind raced with all the possibilities of the evening. She nearly replied to Jamie that she didn’t need to sleep, but...that wasn’t true. She was dead on her feet and her shift last night had been especially brutal with several stressful patients. She sighed,  realizing she deeply regretted not having made the effort to really meet Jamie earlier. Why had she wasted so much time? Now that they were friendly, she couldn’t seem to get him out of her mind.  Lesley hadn’t been wrong when she’d said Claire had been in la-la land. She reminded herself to thank Lesley for saving her ass more than once at work in the past week. If it wasn’t Jamie’s calls or texts, it was her own imagination getting her in trouble. Over the phone, Jamie had told her all about his family, his nieces and nephews and sister. He had a best friend named Ian, who happened to be his brother-in-law. And a father he clearly cared a lot about. Claire had never known that sort of reality, growing up as she had. She revelled in Jamie’s stories of his boyhood, clinging to bits of him that he unknowingly exposed.
For instance, Claire was sure that Jamie was secretly in love with his father’s farm, though he had claimed he didn’t care to run things when the time came, that he’d gotten his flat in the city to escape that reality. He talked of it with such pride, and Claire wondered why he didn’t live there full time, as much as he was there. It held fond memories of his mother, and it was his connection to his extended family, and she knew family meant a lot to him. 
She couldn’t exactly relate - though she had loved her uncle a great deal - but it was almost surreal hearing about hectic holidays or birthday celebrations Jamie got to experience growing up. Claire was rather envious at times.  Her holidays usually involved Uncle Lamb flat-out forgetting them, and though he always remembered her birthday, he wasn’t the greatest at remembering to mark the date in any meaningful way other than a sweet ‘Happy Birthday, darling,’ and a pat on the cheek.  She quickly made a mental note to ask Jamie about his birthday sometime. 
Pulling back the shower curtain, she sighed as the steamy hot water washed away the night at the hospital; it succeeded in making her drowsy enough to fall quickly asleep. 
---
Claire woke to a rather loud knock at her door. She rolled out of bed, hair all akimbo, eyes squinting as she opened her room darkening curtains. Padding towards the door, she quickly wrapped herself in the throw from the couch before turning the knob. There stood Jamie, a slight smile on his face that immediately fell when he caught sight of her. 
"Oh God--" 
"I'm sorry--" 
They both spoke at the same time, Claire wrapping the blanket more securely around her shoulders.  She had shorts and a small tee-shirt on, but no bra.  She began to speak again, wondering if she looked as horrible as she feared. Jamie grimaced and took a breath. 
"I am so sorry, I didn't wake you did I?" 
"Oh, no. It's fine, really! I must look frightening..." Claire carefully took one arm out of her wrap and tried to smooth her hair in an attempt to calm her curls. 
 "NO! You look...stunning!"  His eyes were wide, as though he’d seen a ghost.
 "Oh, God no.  Would you like to...?" 
She gestured him inside, and quickly caught that he was holding a few things in his hands.  A wad of blankets and a small thermal lunch bag were clutched in his arms as he shuffled inside. 
"Let me just...go change. Have a seat, will you?" She moved towards her bedroom as she watched Jamie sit on her sofa, placing his things on the cushion beside him. 
She closed her bedroom door, tossed the throw on her bed and leaned heavily against the door, her head making a distinct thumping sound as it hit. "Ow..." she muttered.  "Hope he didn't hear that..." 
She was jittery and her mouth was dry. He had that effect on her - one she couldn't put into words.  Her stomach was consumed by a swarm of butterflies as she got dressed, brushing her teeth and washing her face. She raised her arms over her head checking her armpits for odor, and swiped on some deodorant, finishing with a quick spray of her favorite perfume with a flourish. She didn’t dare go back out there smelling like a hospital. She wasn’t entirely trusting of the shower she’d taken.
Taking a few deep, but not-so-calming breaths, she went back out to her living room, where Jamie waited patiently, thumbing through a magazine on her coffee table. 
“I’m all for color in a room, but this shade of green makes me think of vomit.” Jamie was pointing at a photo of a painted room in some home decor article, curling his lip up in disgust at said shade of green.
He smiled at Claire, dropping the magazine and taking her in slowly, his eyes large and bright. 
Claire looked down at her outfit - Jeans and a warm, deep red top. She’d been told it ‘brought out her eyes’, whatever the hell that meant, so she figured it was a good choice. She smoothed her shirt down and gestured at the magazine.
“Well, we don’t have to worry about that - I asked if I could paint when I moved in and was told no. Can’t wait to be able to live somewhere without blank white walls.” She waved haphazardly around the room, devoid of artwork, save for several of her own photos from various trips, and a few of Uncle Lamb, of course.
“It’s good to see you again, Claire.” Jamie stood up, moving towards her with his hand out. She wasn’t sure what he was going for, so she moved with him, meeting him in the middle. He clasped her hand in his, and they both paused for a moment, Claire watching his eyes dance as he gazed at her. He gave a small smile with one corner of his mouth, and quickly kissed her cheek. 
“It’s good to see you again, too,” Claire sighed, her breath coming out in spurts. She felt him relinquish her hand, and she glanced at it, half expecting it to be bright red the way it radiated his lingering warmth. He stepped back just a bit, and gestured to the items he’d brought with him.
“It’s a little wet outside, but there’s a free concert at the park. Would you like to come? If you don’t want to sit on the ground, I have chairs.” He raked a hand through his hair and tapped the fingers of his right hand against his thigh. He hadn’t taken his eyes off her.
Jamie’s voice was shaky with nerves, and Claire quickly tried to put him at ease.
“I don’t mind the ground!” She figured Jamie could offer her spikes to sit on and she’d accept them if that meant he’d be there, too. “Let’s go, it’ll be fun!” 
Jamie nodded, picking up the blanket and lunch bag. “Brought some goodies for us to snack on, too.” 
“Oh, good. I’m starving! Haven’t eaten all day!” 
Claire grabbed her purse as they walked to the door together, slinging it over her shoulder and grabbing her keys from the counter. She didn’t know what kind of music would be playing at this concert, but she didn’t care in the slightest. She was also rather eager to find out what was in that lunch bag. Her stomach gurgled, and she made a face as Jamie hid a smile.
He took her hand again, pulling her toward the door and out into the damp night. It was about 7 in the evening, and though the days were getting longer, the rain clouds obscured any remaining sunlight. 
-----
Having picked the driest bit of ground he could, Jamie spread out one warm wool blanket, gesturing for Claire to take a seat while he unfolded the other one. It was as large as the one they sat on, and doubly thick. Claire shivered slightly as she watched him swirl the blanket around her shoulders. He sat down next to her - quite closely, so she could feel the heat coming off him, and he wrapped the other half of the blanket around his own shoulders, meeting the two ends in the middle between them. It was cozy, and the band had just started. She looked around, wishing they weren’t surrounded by other people at the moment. Claire looked at Jamie - who had been casually checking out the band. He glanced at her, then reached for the lunch bag.
“What do you have for us?” Claire’s stomach growled again, and Jamie chuckled as he unzipped the bag while Claire held the blanket in place. 
“Erm...not much. Some crackers, cheese, grapes. A small bag of chips, if you’re in the mood for junk food?” He held the chips out to her and she hungrily ripped it open, popping one in her mouth with a satisfied grin. 
“Mmmm...so good. I’ve not had anything to eat since about 6 this morning. I forgot to eat when I got home from work.” Because you texted me, she added in her head, and I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep quickly so I could see you. 
Jamie went for a few grapes, munching them as he watched her devour the chips. She offered him one, holding it up to his mouth. 
“Have one!” she exclaimed, wiggling it in front of him.
He went for it, and she quickly pulled it away. She laughed as he pursed his lips in mock irritation. “Give me that,” he said, pulling her hand towards his mouth again, taking the chip between his teeth. His lips slightly brushed Claire’s finger tips, and a shiver traveled through her body as they laughed together. 
Their bodies were touching entirely now, from shoulder to toes, and Claire didn’t want to be anywhere else. She leaned against him, and he let her put her weight against his chest as he held the blanket with his left hand. His right arm wrapped around her waist. Claire felt flush, slightly feverish, silently basking in his glow. The rain was cold, the ground was colder, but she wouldn’t have known it with Jamie securely keeping them both comfortably warm.  
The band played on, the bass pulsing through her. She didn’t know the songs, but nodded her head with the beat periodically. For all the sound, though, her mind was somewhere else entirely. She wanted nothing more than to turn around, place her lips on his, and fall into him. She glanced at the people around her again, most of them chit-chatting, drinking, or eating. She felt him squirm slightly, and glanced back at him as best she could in her position. She felt his arm leave her side, make its way up her arm to her shoulder, and then into her hair. He played with her curls as he stretched one long leg out in front of them, where his boot got wet with rain. Claire’s hands were in her lap - she was entirely unsure what she should do with them, so she clutched her middle as the swarm of butterflies (more like angry hornets, if she was honest with herself) engulfed her middle. Her eyes fluttered closed as Jamie continued twirling her curls around his finger.
“Hey, Sassenach, are you thirsty? I could go get us some drinks at the food cart?” Jamie gestured with his head, back behind them where beer and soda was sold at an exorbitant price. 
Claire turned slightly and looked at him, his brows raised in question.
She took a breath, swallowing all her fear and uncertainty. The hornets in her stomach faded to a dull ache as she turned some more, raising her hands to his face.  She’d caught him off guard, and as her lips enveloped his own, he was still for a split second before deepening the kiss with his hand still in her hair, clutching her curls now, tugging slightly. Claire breathed in deeply, the noises of the band and people around them fading into oblivion, a fuzzy mirage at the corner of her vision as she closed her eyes, unwilling to break their connection. His tongue danced with hers briefly before he pulled away. Claire, with her eyes still closed, felt him rubbing her cheek with his thumb. 
“Oi, if we wanted to see that, we’d have gone to see a movie!” 
Claire’s eyes snapped open, her head whirling around to her right searching for the person that matched the voice. A young teenage boy smirked in their direction, sniggering a bit as she eyed him. He held a full pint of beer in one hand, and cocked his head, daring her to say something in return.
“He’ll break up with ya tomorrow,” the boy said, laughing with his mates, one of them slapping him on the shoulder in congratulations for his stupendous observation. Claire’s brow knit in confusion.
“Why don’t you-” she was cut off by Jamie, who stood up quickly, pulling the blanket that was around them up into a ball. He put it down, and stretched his arms over his head, making himself appear even larger. The kid with the beer blanched, spilling a bit in his lap as he involuntarily jerked away at Jamie’s stone cold glare. 
“Come on, Sassenach. Let’s go…” He gathered up the lunch bag, and offered her his hand. She took it, letting him pull her up. She was shivering now, his warmth having left her. She moved so he could pick up the other blanket, and they slowly picked their way through the crowd. 
Claire was surprised to feel her chin trembling a bit. Was she going to...cry? God, not now, she thought. How silly. It had just been a kid trying to stir up trouble for a laugh. It wasn’t funny, though, Claire thought angrily. It made her feel ashamed, but for what? She’d simply kissed Jamie. She held her breath for a moment, as she wondered if Jamie had minded that she’d done that - in the middle of the park, surrounded by people. She let her breath out again as she felt him grab her elbow and tug her closer. Perhaps he hadn’t minded afterall. He wasn’t making excuses to leave, anyway, she thought with some relief. 
She felt Jamie put her hand through the crook of his elbow as he guided her back towards their building. She still shivered, and Jamie pulled her in, their shoes meeting the pavement in unison. 
“Don’t worry about him, Sassenach.” 
Claire looked up when he spoke, gave a small smile, and leaned her head against his shoulder. 
“It’s ok…” she mumbled, wondering what the rest of the night would hold. She’d be up all night now, and didn’t particularly want her time with Jamie to come to an end. 
“How about we get that full meal in you? You must still be hungry,” Jamie offered. “Let me drop these things by my flat and we’ll go, yeah?” 
Claire nodded. “Sounds good, Jamie.” 
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unforth · 3 years
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Hello unforth! Thank you for your wonderful blog, and the the untamed art blog!! I followed you years ago for destiel, and you were one of the people that got me into the untamed. I watched it last summer and have been binging various cdramas ever since!! I had a question for you about reading. After watching the untamed I read the novel, and didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I think you’re someone who prefers the show, but if not, sorry if I’m remembering wrong… hoping you understand. I want to try reading other novels but I found the romance in mdzs to be kinda off. I guess I’m wondering if you have a recommendation for the best novel you’ve read so far? It would be great if it’s one with fanfic but if not I’m still curious to try! I hope this didn’t come off as rude about the untamed, it’s just a personal preference. Thanks in advance, and thanks again for all your work in fandom!
Howdy! *waves*
You have not misremembered, I definitely prefer the Untamed to the novel of MDZS (and I'm with you, no shade on people with different preferences, of course!). I also didn't enjoy the novel of MDZS as much as I thought I would, though I think some of that was because I read the Exiled Rebels Scanalations translation which - again, no shade, translating that was a HUGE job and kudos to them - but I do here from native speakers that some questionable translation choices were made, which can detract from some people's enjoyment of the novel (and can enhance other people's, it just depends how those translation choices relate to each person's personal likes and dislikes).
Now, I can tell you what I've read and what I've thought of each one, happily - I don't know what turned you off about MDZS specifically, beyond an aspect of the relationship dynamic, so it'll be hard for me to say which of these might appeal to you more? But, here's a list of which danmei novels I've read, and my opinion. The list is shorter than you'd think - danmei novels are long and I read slow, lol.
Note that all of these end happy, for various definitions of "happy," and the main ship is canon in all of them. Also note that I tried to avoid spoilers, but sometimes it's hard to even talk about the ship dynamic without some mild spoilers.
These are (roughly) in the order I've read them; I just finished the last a few days ago. All art is by the official artists, but I'm not always sure what their names are, sorry - I've tried to figure them out for my art blogs but it's REALLY hard.
1. Mo Dao Zu Shi, by MXTX.
(since I'm writing this post for you, and you're already familiar with it, I'm not putting in TW and plot)
My take: I figure knowing my opinion of MDZS will help you assess all this? There are things I loved about MDZS, including the book, but MDZS is still obviously trying to figure out pacing. Whereas in SVSSS, the storyline doesn't always flow that smoothly and the ending is rushed, in MDZS in my opinion the biggest issue is that she clearly didn't plan some things ahead. For example, Miangmian and Wen Ning are both introduced within a few pages of when they'll be needed to Do Shit. It shows that she hadn't quite worked everything out as she was going, and every once in a while was like, "shit shit I need a character for this thing" and hastily added them. The plot itself is better paced, though, though I could have wished for a less talky denouement. When it was the only one I read, I also often thought, "this author doesn't understand consent," and, "this author has kinks I don't share." Now that I've read all three of her books, I completely retract the first one. MXTX absolutely understands consent, and was intentionally playing with it in MDZS. Not sure if the evidence of that got lost in translation, or what, but...yeah.
Relationship Dynamic: ...the second of those opinions, I still kinda feel. The consensual non-con is just not really my thing, like I'm okay with it in small doses? And I don't love some aspects of Lan Wangji's domineering attitudes and Wei Wuxian's act of bare tolerating it. And don't get me wrong, now that I'm more familiar with her work, I think it was an intentional writing choice and I also think they're both largely roleplaying it a lot of the time...but I still don't personally enjoy it much.
2. Scum Villain Self-Saving System, by MXTX.
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Genre: modern transmigration into a fantasy xianxia world.
Where to find it: English translation by BC Novels | donghua season 1
Trigger warnings for: graphic descriptions of suffering, non-con of the "fuck or die" variety, and body horror...I can't think of anything else rn?)
Plot: SVSSS is MXTX's first novel, and is a satire of classic stag harem novels. Shen Yuan, the protagonist and half the main ship, is reading a serialized web novel by "Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky" about a demon named Luo Binghe who has a harem of over 3,000 women and has done all kinds of ghastly awful things. He hates this novel but has read all, like, 3 million words of it or something, and trolls every chapter...until one gets him so angry that he dies...and then he wakes up in the book right around when the book starts, in the body of one of the early antagonists, a cultivator named Shen Qingqiu who abuses a young, innocent Luo Binghe physically and emotionally and, ultimately, is horribly tortured to death. Shen Yuan, in Shen Qingqiu's body, thus sets out to not be horribly tortured to death by Luo Binghe. Hijinks ensue.
My Take: In terms of my opinion of it...SVSSS secured for me that MXTX is a much more brilliant author than I thought when I'd only read MDZS. She understands tropes and subverts them brilliantly throughout the story, and from a writing standpoint, I was impressed with her. However, from a plot standpoint...she's got all the ideas but hasn't, imo, yet figured out how exactly to bring them all together. The pacing is off at times, and the ending felt abrupt to me. It's also the only danmei I've read where I ship a side ship more than the primary one (which is, of course, Shen Yuan (as Shen Qingqiu)/Luo Binghe. (also, oops...I read SVSSS after TGCF and just put them in the wrong order, oh well, not gonna change it now.)
Relationship Dynamic: In terms of relationship weirdness...it's hard to sort in that regard, because, like, it's supposed to be weird? I think it's a really interest book but I'm not sure I'd recommend it in your situation. Bingqiu's main dynamic is...uh...tolerance and obsession? They're kinda hard to describe. Shen Yuan often seems like he's just kinda putting up with Luo Binghe, whereas Luo Binghe is...god. So hard to describe, lmao. He's a big clumsy ox in a museum full of porcelain dishes and he really, really loves his Shizun. (also note that Shen Qingqiu is Luo Binghe's teacher. They don't get together until after they're not master/student, but if that's not your thing, another reason to avoid.)
3. Tian Guan Ci Fu, by MXTX.
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(art is by Starember)
Genre: historical China (loosely), xianxia (note that I'm still figuring out exactly how stuff gets classified so sorry if I get one wrong, but I think I kinda get it???)
Where to Access It: English Translation by the astonishing yummysuika | manhua (this is an official translation by Bilibili! It's a few chapters behind the actual release, but still...) | donghua season 1 is on Netflix | a live action adaptation is juuuuust getting started on script reading and filing
Trigger warnings for: MCD, temporary MCD, body horror, graphic violence, epic levels of mind fuckery, uh...genocide?...again, racism/colorism, probably other stuff, sorry, I can't take as long as I'd like to for this post so I'm not being as thorough as I oughta be.
Plot: TGCF is about Xie Lian, an 800 year old man, and it commences at the moment when, unexpectedly, he ascends to godhood...for the third time. Unfortunately, when he ascends, he accidentally does some damage in Heaven, and he has to repay that, so he gets sent back to earth to deal with a ghost who's been causing some problems. Hijinks ensue...and then fucktons of angst ensue...then more hijinks...then more angst...and basically it broke my heart like four times and I am grateful for it every day? The main ship is Xie Lian and a ghost named Hua Cheng, but it's hard to even talk about without some spoilers because of some identity shenanigans. (they're VERY mildly identity shenanigans, but still).
My Take: So, you asked what my favorite of the danmei novels I've read is? It's TGCF. TGCF is one of my favorite novels ever, and it has a growing fandom, a donghua that's on Netflix, and a live action that's just starting to film. TGCF is the culmination of the skills MXTX developed through her first two works, imo. She clearly plotted it out all from the start, and while Book 1 especially often seems kind of random - lots of elements are introduced and then kinda...apparently...forgotten? And never explained? But she actually DOES bring it ALL together and it's flat-out masterful. I'm a big fan, obviously.
Relationship Dynamic: it again depends on your preferences and what you didn't like about MDZS, and there's no way to talk about it without spoilers, so consider yourselves warned. Xie Lian ascended to godhood first at the age of 17, and right around then he also saved the life of a 10 year old boy...and that boy is Hua Cheng. Hua Cheng is a follower of Xie Lian's, in that Xie Lian is literally a god, and Hua Cheng is literally one of his followers. However, they're separated for almost 800 years, so the age difference is largely irrelevant, and while some people complain about Hua Cheng's behavior being stalkery and obsessive, I honestly think they're dead wrong. It's more like when you read a celebrity/fan AU, and it starts weird, and then they really genuinely fall in love. Like, the fan may have been in love the whole time, and how they felt about the celebrity before they really met might feel slightly ooky, but it's how they act AFTER they meet their idol that matters more, and...yeah, Hua Cheng is great, they're both great, antis fight me. Xie Lian is easily one of my favorite characters EVER, he is all my favorite tropes in one horribly, wonderfully fucked up martyristic idealistic sweet kind laid back package. I would kill for him, lmao. In terms of their relationship dynamic...they love and respect each other? There's really nothing that weird about it other than the aspects of the "fan" Hua Cheng that get revealed over time - and he's always terrified that when Xie Lian realizes what a fanboy he was, Xie Lian will be upset or disgusted, but of course Xie Lian never is. They adore each other. It's glorious. Highly recommend. :D There's also no explicit content in TGCF (unlike MXTX's other two books).
4. The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (aka 2ha) by Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat.
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Genre: original world, xianxia, time travel, dimension hopping, it's so many things, 2ha is so hard to describe lmao
Where to Access it: English Translation by the amazing yummysuika (things are complicated, though, and it's not finished) | a manhua is in the works and should be out this year | a live action called "Hao Yixing" or "Immortality" is already filmed and could theoretically air literally any time cause it's completely ready, but when will it actually come? Who knows!
Trigger warnings: all of them. Literally. MCD, temporary MCD, murder, suicide, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, rape/non-con, abuse, manipulation, gas lighting, torture, graphic violence, body horror, literal graphic onscreen horrible blood murder of a small child (I had to skip that chapter), teacher/student relationship sort of but not exactly, probably other stuff, this book is dark as fuck, and a lot of these tags apply to behavior of one half of the main ship toward the other, but...it's complicated, and there are reasons things happen, and those reasons aren't "well they're just a bad person."
Plot: This is another one that's hard to describe because there's sooooo much mind fuckery going on, but I'll try. 2ha is about Mo Ran, who rises to be the Emperor of the World, Taxian Jun, but slaughtering all who oppose him...and who is so miserable that he commits suicide, only to wake up in his 16 year old body. This is pretty much perfect from Mo Ran's point of view, because he's gone back so far that the love of his life, his fellow disciple Shi Mei, is still alive. He has a chance to fix everything that went wrong, starting with preventing his awful evil Shizun, Chu Wanning, from letting Shi Mei die.
Spoilers: the main ship in this book is Mo Ran/Chu Wanning.
Hijinks do NOT ensue. There are no hijinks in 2ha. It is all pain all the time (but I swear it ends happy).
My Take: ...well, from a structural standpoint there are some pacing issues. The book is incredibly long (over 300 chapters, over 1 million words) and there are definitely some chunks that could just be excised and it'd still be fine. However, other than that, it's pretty amazing and absolutely masterful how it's plotted. As a reader you'll spend 100+ chapters thinking you know what's going on, and who the good guys are, and who the bad guys are, and how they relate to each other...and then Meatbun starts in on revealing what's ACTUALLY going on and she then spends 200 chapters repeatedly punching you in the face! Like, I went in knowing a LOT of spoilers, because the tags were so dark that I felt that for my mental health it was important I have a general idea what was going on, and I STILL ended up sobbing my eyes out (and I am NOT an easy crier and don't usually cry at books) over something I knew was coming.
Relationship Dynamic: That's about the only thing that the title accurately conveys about this book. "The Husky and His White Cat Shizun," sounds so soft and fluffy, right? That's how they get you, ha. But, Mo Ran is absolutely a big dumb husky who wants to do the right thing (well, sometimes he does) but just completely fails depressingly often. When he sees someone he likes come in the front door he WILL jump all over them and bark in their face as his way of trying to communicate affection. And Chu Wanning is equally absolutely a cat. He is emotionally constipated, poor at expressing himself, uptight, touch starved, desperate for affection, and so lonely my chest hurts when I think about him. And for how they relate to each other...well, picture that big dog greeting a loved one at the door...except that loved one is the most hide-bound proud white cat you can imagine.
That's their dynamic.
(However, also...there are multiple timelines at play, and Taxian Jun does some truly awful things to "his" Chu Wanning in the original timeline, and many of these things are graphically described, and while it's ultimately all explained, it still all HAPPENS, so if you're going to have trouble reading fucktons of abuse between the main ship, I would not recommend this book)
5. Thousand Autumns (Qianqiu) by Meng Xi Shi.
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Genre: historical China (like, references actual people, as far as I can tell), xianxia
Where to Access it: ...reading Thousand Autumns is HARD, it's split over like four websites/translators. This Carrd can kinda help? I can get you the rest if you want | donghua season 1 | I heard there's a live action in the works? But I don't know more than that.
Trigger warnings: graphic violence, mentions/threats of sexual violence (but it's all stopped before things really go wrong), starvation, description of child death (from starvation), near-death, emotional/mental abuse, major semi-permanent character injury, god, minor character death, they're major characters depending on your pov, I can't actually think of others, after writing about 2ha it feels positively fluffy). Note that there's not really any explicit content, just implications of smut, and not til basically the very end and extras.
Plot: Yan Wushi, sect leader of a demonic sect, has just come out of an extended seclusion to improve his cultivation when he and one of his disciples come across a man who is wounded to the point of near death. This turns out to be Shen Qiao, the sect leader of Mount Xuandu. When Shen Qiao awakens from his wounds, he's lost his memory, AND he's blind, and Yan Wushi decides it would be great fun and an excellent use of his time to fuck with Shen Qiao by trying to turn him evil - because Yan Wushi is certain that ALL people are inherently evil, and shattering Shen Qiao's veneer of righteousness will just help prove that.
Spoilers: it's not a veneer.
Not spoilers: Not many hijinks ensue, but there are a few hijinks, and even when it's not hijinxed, it's still not that painful...usually.
My Take: despite that synopsis, a lot of the plot of Thousand Autumns is actually political, and I like political plots, so I liked that aspect of it. However, it has some serious pacing issues imo, and it's also hard to read in English atm because it's not fully translated; it's close, now, much closer than when I read it a few months ago, so it'll be easier to read soon. Or maybe I shouldn't say it's pacing problems, but rather, it's more of a sequence of multiple major plots, strung together, with the growing relationship between Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao playing out in the background. I think if I'd known there was no "one big plot" that would have actually helped me, because it kept feeling like, "Oh, THIS is the main thing," but it never was. Things would feel climactic...except then there'd be more. So it's probably better to actually think of it as more...episodic? And the episodes/stories build, and interrelate, and do have a culmination, but not all of them directly tie in, and not all the threads end up coming together/getting resolved.
Relationship Dynamic: early on, Yan Wushi is definitely abusive and manipulative, intentionally so, and I would argue that, imo, Shen Qiao falls for it. However, mid-way through, there's some big reveals, and after that when they're reunited Shen Qiao no longer takes any shit and Yan Wushi continues to act like he doesn't care even when he clearly does. They're not a typical ship in ANY WAY, and I'd say their relationship is more founded on mutual respect than on love. Indeed, in the author's notes at one point MXS actually says they doesn't see them as the kind of couple to ever exchange love declarations, and I thought that was really interesting and it really helped me to understand how they worked together because I'll own I struggled with at times. Yan Wushi is self-interested, often cruel, and ethically and morally dubious. Shen Qiao, on the other hand, could probably ascend to Daoist godhood, he's so pure. Yet...they DO work. I'd say "opposites attract" but that's ALSO not their main trope, not exactly. They're a VERY hard ship to explain, and I know some people who've read the whole book and still don't really...get them...and I've had to really think about them to wrap my head around them...but the more I've thought about them, the more I like them.
6. Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine by Man Man He Qi Duo.
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Genre: historical fiction set in either actual China or make-believe China, I'm not sure if this is directly incorporated any real people
Where to Access It: English Translation by Perpetual Daydreams | manhua (untranslated, I'm not sure if there's anyone translating it into English) | I think there's a live action in the works? Not sure beyond that though.
Trigger Warnings: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation, drug addiction, drug abuse, chronic illness (different character than the drugs), manipulation, abusive, awful parents and parental figures (not all, but definitely some), some homophobia (but way less than there could have been), probably other stuff
Plot: After 7 years away, Zhong Wan returns to the capital of the Empire with the three children of his benefactor, the seven-years-dead Prince Ning. Prince Ning was executed for treason against the previous Emperor, and Zhong Wan has done all he can to protect and raise the three kids, but he's got a lot of worries about returning to the capital and what could happen to his charges if they get pulled into the politics surrounded the Emperor. But, even worse, he's got even more worries about being reunited with Yu She, nephew of the Emperor, with whom he has more than a little history...and about whom he has been lying for the past 7 years, claiming that he is Yu She's lover, in a bid to help use Yu She's reputation to protect Prince Ning's children.
Hijinks ensue.
And so does a political nightmare.
My Take: TYQHM was a hard book to get into because there are just so many characters and it's all about politics - this is NOT a xianxia or wuxia novel, and these characters are NOT cultivators. There's basically nothing supernatural in the whole book; instead, it's about Zhong Wan and Yu She figuring out their own histories, and accepting each other, while trying to survive in a political world that increasingly wants both of them dead. However, I adore political plots, and when all was said and done I really enjoyed it, and I'm trying tooth and nail to claw other people into the fandom with me, so far with basically no success. It only has like 15 works in English on AO3. And so not only does it not fit that requirement of yours...
Relationship Dynamic: ...I think you would also probably not like the relationship dynamic? Zhong Wan is a bit like Wei Wuxian-as-Mo Xuanyu, except more...genuinely? Like, it's his actual personality, not an act, in quite the same way. I don't mean the "flamboyantly gay" part...usually...he definitely has his moments...but he's just...like, he's been through so much that he'll basically say anything, and drag himself entirely through the mud, to distract people who might hurt the three kids (they're like 16, 13, 13, now I think? It was never THAT clear to me, tbh...certainly, all are at least 10...) and, later, Yu She. He has zero face, and doesn't mind having negative face when he feels the situation demands it...and Yu She, on the other hand, has MAJOR depression issues, is sure he deserves nothing, and mostly wants to destroy everyone around him and then kill himself, at least until Zhong Wan starts giving him a reason to live again. But, more than that...Zhong Wan is like the fucking epitome of a bratty subby bottom. He wants to get fucked SO bad. And Yu She is an incredibly reluctant dom, hilariously so at times, uncomfortably/manipulative so at others. When all was said and done, I was pretty fond of them both, but there were definitely moments that made me grimace, and given what you say of how you felt about MDZS, I think this one is less likely to be to your taste?
Bonus 7: Guardian by Priest. I never finished the novel version of Guardian because the translation had some issues that caused me not to enjoy it, so I won't get into it too much, but again, Guardian is a very different book than any of the others, because it's modern fantasy(ish, like, it's still deeply embedded in Daoist-related tropes but it's more "magic spells" and less "cultivation." Like, in terms of what it's like, it felt more like Japanese modern Onmyoji style stories, to me, than it felt like the ancient Chinese wuxia/xianxia cultivation stories.). I'm not gonna get into lots of details, because I read part of the book more than a year ago, and have seen the show (which is VERY different) like three times, so I can hardly even remember what they're like in the novel. There was definitely some weirdness, though? If you're potentially interested, I'd suggest starting with the drama instead. The plot for that is...
Plot: Zhao Yunlan heads a Special Investigation Unit in the human world tasked with maintaining a treaty between humans and the dixigren ("undergrounders") who are (in the show) aliens (in the book...it's the world of the dead). While doing this job, he keeps running into this professor, Shen Wei, who definitely knows more than he oughta.
Hijinks ensue.
And then it murders you with feels.
The live action streams from YouTube - here.
(Warning: uh, I don't want to give spoilers, but my "guaranteed happy ending" does NOT apply to the Guardian TV show...but it does apply to the book, as I understand it.)
*
Anyway, this was a terrible use of my time but it was definitely more fun than what I should be doing, and it's probably way more information than you wanted or needed, but since I wasn't sure what exactly you had in mind, I figured...might as well be thorough?
(Today's hyper-focus fail: this post, ha...)
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OHSHC Rewrite: Episode 3b
Beware of the Physical Exams!
Host Club x reader
Summary: When the hosts convince y/n to get help, she finds trouble instead.
Word Count: 5.4k
Episode Masterlist
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"Y/n, we've come here today to talk about a problem regarding you."
You looked around nervously, and began your verbal diarrhea. "Okay, um, first of all, I want to say I'm sorry. I know it's our number one priority to make the clients happy, and I was side tracked, and that's on me. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have been unprofessional with Alarico and that's super my fault. I know I need to get 100 guests and I'm only at 39 but I can do better, and again I'm really sorry for everything about yesterday, and—"
"Y/n," Kyoya cut you off. "This has nothing to do with your quota, or Alarico Gonzalez's behavior."
"Oh." You said dumbly.
"This is about your anxiety attack."
"Oh." You grumbled, though you quickly regained your composure. "I'm sorry you had to see that senpai."
"It was no trouble, and I've read that they can be very sudden and frightening to those who get them." He stated.
"We're really worried." Hikaru said.
"Yeah," Kaoru agreed. "When Kyoya told us, we had no idea how to help."
"You have to take care of yourself y/n-chan." Honey clutched usa-chan.
"Yeah." Mori said.
"That is why," Tamaki said, pointing to you. "We've decided to set up an appointment with the school therapist today!"
"Woah, let's not take it that far. I'm okay guys, really."
"You didn't look okay when you had trouble breathing yesterday." Kyoya stated.
"That was just a little hiccup!" You explained. "Things happen. I'm okay now, which is more important, right?"
Tamaki stepped up to you. "You're going to therapy, and that's final!"
"No." You said forcefully. This struck his feelings, and he sulked in the corner. You sighed. "I'm sorry I worried you all, and I'll be careful next time. I don't want to waste time and cut any classes so a therapist can tell me depressing things. I just want to forget about sad stuff here."
You gave them a smile. "Well, she seems unmotivated." Hikaru stated.
"But how are we going to get her to agree?" Kaoru asked.
Mori then thought of something. "Squishy ice cream."
That struck a nerve. You gasped and carefully looked at them, and Tamaki then got up. "That's right~ You were so busy last episode that you never got to try any, did you~?"
"Did you hear that?" Hikaru whispered mockingly. "She's never even tried squishy ice cream before. Isn't that sad?"
"Talk about a tragedy." Kaoru whispered back.
You nervously laughed. "C'mon guys, you don't really think of me as such glutton because I'm poor and never had it that I'd force myself to go to some therapy for some ice cream would you?" You kept nervously laughing, and everybody else smiled at you. You then quietly asked, "What time is the appointment?"
"We knew it." The twins said.
You scoffed and smiled. "You guys are something else. Why do you even care about this?"
"Don't refer to yourself as this!" Tamaki exclaimed. "If you need anything, know that I'm always here for you."
"You mean all of us are here for her?" Hikaru asked.
"As I said before, you are all the homosexual supporting cast!"
You let out an involuntary laugh. "Really senpai? Supporting cast?" You asked, walking over to them. "That's a little self absorbed of you." You then thought of something. "Can you guys do me a little favor though? Let's keep the therapy sessions to ourselves. My clients get worried easily and I feel weird when they get curious and ask me about my issues."
"Well, your appointment is right after the physical exams," Kyoya explained. "So that might be an issue."
"Alright then," Tamaki announced. "Gentlemen, it's time to enact The Keep Y/n's Secret Safe Plan!"
Later that day you walked with the twins to the physical exam, though the line was going to be too long to not miss your therapy session. When you went in there, your mouth hung open. "What the hell is this?!"
"It's just a regular physical exam." Hikaru said.
"I've seen malls smaller than this." You whisper shouted, speed walking to hold each twin by the arm, timidly looking at all the people and fancy stations. "This is so out of place for me. I feel so awkward."
They paid no mind to you gripping onto them, or at least tried not to. "Seriously y/n, you need to stop being amazed and scared at everything here." Kaoru said.
"I was amazed and scared of the host club when I walked in. Look at us now." You offered. Neither of them said anything but looked down at you. You then saw Mori and Honey dressed up in doctor attire. "Wait, what?" They put their fingers over their mouths shush you. "So obvious." You muttered.
"I have those two for back up in case this plan doesn't execute properly." Kyoya came out and explained.
"Why are they in doctor uniforms?"
"It helps set the mood." He pushed up his glasses. "Disguises make our mission feel like a real espionage."
You watched the doctor encourage a girl as three other nurses clapped for her. "This is weird." You said. "All the staff here are actually nice."
"Of course." Kyoya said. "All staff is chosen by the chairman. It is a school, but it's also a business. He wants the students to be happy, and most students here already have their own doctors for their families. So this, is just a formality."
You quietly scoffed and shrugged, shaking your head. You and the twins kept walking when someone bumped into Kyoya, and Kyoya's gaze lingered on him.
"Huh." The twins then began taking off their shirts to do their exams, and girls started squealing. "See now?" Kyoya asked. "Physical exam day is quite popular with the ladies."
"Hm. My physical exams in y/c had us also do exercise. Everybody was rude and just wanted to get everything over with, and that makes more sense than this." You then shook your head. "But girls here would probably still be squealing for that too because sweat is apparently attractive too."
The twins were being themselves and girls continued squealing. Mori and Honey took this as an opportunity to push you into a corner nobody was in. Tamaki then caught you from behind. "I've been waiting for you princess." He said in your ear.
"Tamaki senpai?" You turned your head.
He giggled in your ear. "You're so cute when you're surprised." He then stepped back. "This is it, the inevitable moment."
"What are you gonna do?"
He shushes you with his finger. "Don't worry, I'll protect you." You felt your cheeks tingle. That was until he put on a wig and stepped into the exams area. "I am ready to take the exams." He announced in his best impression of your voice.
"Hey, is Tamaki trying to dress as a girl?" One girl asked.
Tamaki was shocked, as if he didn't realize people would notice. The twins then bursted out laughing. "He actually did it!" Hikaru laughed out.
"I can't believe he didn't know that wouldn't work!"
Tamaki blushed and angrily grabbed Hikaru. "Why didn't you tell me it wouldn't work?!"
"It's payback for calling us homosexual supporting cast!" He laughed out.
Tamaki looked over at you shyly with big sad eyes. "Um, listen y/n," he timidly said.
"Did you really think that would work?" You asked, and your tone showed that it was a genuine question. He said nothing but pouted, causing you to glare at him. "Big words senpai. Small execution."
"Come this way y/n," Kyoya said. "There's a private room waiting for you."
"Senpai, you look like your enjoying this." You smiled at him. Tamaki dropped to his knees in the background.
Kyoya was smiling as well. "Well, I did need to get my revenge too. I don't appreciate being called supporting cast, homosexual or otherwise."
You both walked away as Tamaki weakly reached for you while fading away. You then went into a room with a female nurse. "Good morning Miss Y/l/n. It's a pleasure to meet you. I've been informed of your circumstances, so we can hurry along this process."
"Thank you ma'am."
"Of course. Step right this way please. You can undress in there." You nodded and stepped inside the dressing area.
The boys were listening to this girl cry about a doctor who supposedly made a pass at her. "I've never been so terrified." She cried.
"How scary!"
"Do you think he was a pervert?" This girls were huddled around her for comfort.
"I had a feeling this might happen." Kyoya thought out loud. "Earlier today I saw a strange man in a white lab coat, though clearly not one of our doctors.
"Shouldn't you have said something sooner?" The twins asked in an annoyed manner.
"I'm sure it's no big deal. I'm sure the security guard will catch him." Kyoya offered.
They still listened to the group in the back. "Tell me," said a doctor. "Did you see where this man went?"
"Yes sir, he was headed towards the private clinic down the hall." The boys were all silent as they realized that he was going to your room.
You had just unbuttoned your shirt, leaving you in your bra. You were about to take off your pants when a man went into your changing room and was peaking outside. It was almost like he didn't see you. "W–um, excuse me, but—"
He rushed over to you and covered your mouth with his hand. "No, it's not what you think. Please just be quiet."
"Y/n!" You both turned to see Tamaki in the air. "Tama-chan~ kick!" He kicked the man in the face and sent him flying into the wall. Tamaki then spun in the air a few times before coming down to the ground.
The twins then appeared. "One. Good looks that attract the public eye."
Kyoya then stepped out of the shadows. "Two. More wealth than you can imagine."
Mori then spoke up. "Three. Chivalry that will never be able to overlook,"
"The hideous wickedness of this world." Honey finished.
As you hugged yourself Tamaki gently placed his own shirt over you. "That's what make up the Ouran Host Club!"
They posed, with an exception of Mori and Kyoya, saying, "We're here, watch out!"
"Please don't hurt me! Spare me my life!" He bowed as you buttoned up Tamaki's shirt. He then got back up. "I run a small medical clinic in the next town over."
You were taken aback by the sudden fact. You looked at Honey, whispering, "Why is he telling us his life story?"
Honey shrugged, and you all listened. "My name is Yabu." You suppressed your laughter, since Yabu is another word for quack doctor. "You see, I came to find my daughter. My wife left me a month ago and took my daughter with her! I know that my daughter goes here."
You sat down to be at the same eye level with him. "Well now that I'm invested into the story, I gotta ask. What happened to make them leave?"
He explained that he kept giving people money and they don't usually pay them back. The latest time was the last straw, and they both left. "I can never say no to anyone. I don't blame them for not wanting to constantly live in debt. But I wanted to see my daughter one last time, so I wandered through the streets and was pounded by rain until I came here. But once I entered I was mistaken for a doctor, here to examine students!"
You smiled. "You mean they mistook the guy wearing a lab coat as a doctor? That's... wow."
"And then it happened," He ignored you. He then explained how he asked a girl for directions and she ran away screaming. "And before I knew it, there were all kinds of people chasing me!" He was bursting with tears.
"So tragic!" Tamaki was also crying.
"Pardon me," Kyoya said. "But I think you may have the wrong highschool. Are you looking for Ouran Public Highschool?"
"Yeah?" He stopped crying and looked up.
"I figured that might be the case. This is Ouran Academy, private institution. Your daughter doesn't go to school here."
He looked shocked, and the twins began to voice their opinions. "Man, you don't even know where your daughter goes to school? That's pretty sad." Hikaru said.
"Yeah, I bet your relationship's messed up because you don't pay attention to them, not because of some stupid debt."
"Wow Kyo-chan, you figured that out pretty quickly." Honey congratulated him.
"Well, the daughter of such a small business man could never afford to go here." You scrunched up your nose I'm response.
"Kyoya," Tamaki said. "Could you make a map of the public schools in this area? I'd like to help this man."
Kyoya looked surprised for a second, but smiled and regained his composure. "Whatever you say."
As the man got up you stepped in front of him. "If you'll allow me to give some advice." He nodded. "If you get there and school is still in session, don't just go in. Wait until she's finished with school, or else you're gonna look like a creep and she'll be too angry and embarrassed to talk." He said nothing and nodded, bowing. He left soon after, and you were all still in the private room. "Well, sorry to do this, but can you guys please leave now?"
Everybody looked surprised. "Y/n, are you still angry with me?" Tamaki said. "You're not going to quit the host club are you?"
You turned to him and smiled, patting his shoulder. "Don't be silly senpai. I need to get to that stupid therapy sesh and you need to put on a shirt. I just gotta take the physical exams and I'll give it back to you." You then turned around and smiled. "Let's get this straight though. I'm not doing it for some food, I'm doing it for my debt."
You giggled, and Tamaki smothered you with a hug. "I can see right through you! I know you're doing it for some squishy ice cream!"
He was smothering too much. "Okay, stop it! The shirt's riding up!"
"Red card!" The twins said in unison. They then dragged Tamaki out and everyone else followed.
You finished your exam fairly quickly and was guided by your nurse to the room of your therapist. "Good morning." She grinned. "Please sit anywhere you'd like."
You had decided right then and there that this was going to suck. There was fancy decor and expensive looking items. There was a nice looking couch and even nicer looking chairs. She had a desk that looked like it costed way too much, and she wore expensive clothing. This was all too much. You didn't belong in this room.
You silently sat on the couch. "I hope you feel your most comfortable self with me, so we can talk about anything you want." Her grin was still on and her tone was still chirpy. You said nothing. "Do you want to begin the conversation?"
You hesitated before speaking up. "May I ask about your background?"
"My background? Well that's an incredibly boring subject, but go ahead! Let's not have any secrets between each other, okay?"
You were silent for a moment again. "How were you brought up? Was it surrounded by things like this?"
You didn't try to smile. You didn't want to be here. There wasn't anything wrong with you, so there wasn't a reason to be here. Besides, this room itself was giving you anxiety. "Things like this? Well, I'm not really the materialistic person, but if you're asking me if I was born into a wealthy family that helped paved the way to my position, then yes. I was born into this."
Her smile never faltered, and you didn't like it. You didn't like the feeling of any of this. Exposed, you felt so exposed. It made you put your head down in shame. "Then don't you think you're a little overqualified to be talking to me right now?"
She was taken aback, but began writing in her notebook. She slightly nodded to it, as if she had decided something. "My, is that what you think?"
What the hell would she even write from that? That you have self esteem issues? That you're self conscious about yourself here? You deserved so much squishy icecream for this. You only shrugged.
"You don't seem very relaxed right now. Maybe we could talk about why that is." You shrugged again. Her smile almost left her face, but she hung onto it. "We can't make any progress if you we don't put in effort dear."
You sucked up your annoyance and smiled, bringing your head up. "If you want me to be happy about this, you could've just said so. And the reason why I'm uncomfortable is because this room is making me uncomfortable."
She then wrote in her notebook again. "I see. Is it the atmosphere? We can go outside to the garden if it makes you feel any better."
"Is this session a one time thing?"
She chuckled. "That's not how progress works."
"Then we can stay in here so I could get used to this feeling."
It was like she cornered you. She knew exactly where to strike. "Do you always feel like you need to comply to things? Like you have to be the one to adjust?"
You frowned. "Where did that come from?"
"Please answer the question dear."
"I don't know, I guess. I have to though. It's not like everybody else has to change their viewpoints to accommodate only me."
"Do those viewpoints make you upset?"
"No."
"I'd appreciate if didn't lie to me."
She seemed to have every one of your moves calculated. She suddenly knew how to outsmart you. "Sometimes, I guess. I don't know. They'll say a comment or two about how different commoners are to normal rich people. It's weird. I never considered myself normal, but I'm different for another reason here than before."
You wanted to slap yourself for saying that. She only wrote in her notebook again. "How were you different before?"
"It just sometimes felt like us against the world. The four of us were unbreakable and we didn't care that it was that way. I felt proud to be looked down on, in this weird way, because my friends were down there with me laughing at everyone else."
"And now?"
"Now I'm down there alone. Everybody looks down on me, but there's no one else to share that with. It just sucks sometimes."
"You have two separate friend groups that you mention. Do you feel differently towards the one back in y/c than here?"
"I never felt ashamed with my y/c friends, I guess. I don't know. They knew everything about me, and they still loved me for it. Maybe I feel like my friends here will just pity me if I open up more?" You brought your knees up and buried your face in between them. "Ugh, no offense doctor, but this sucks butt. I thought this was supposed to help me with my anxiety."
"And you don't feel anxiety when thinking about your new friends finding things out about you?"
You couldn't help but let out a laugh and fall to lay of the couch. "Damn it, you're actually pretty good."
"People can be more complex than you might think. Just as you feel like they won't understand you because of your background, you aren't giving them a chance because of their background." You looked up at her. She was still smiling.
You chuckled. "You really do suck." You then sat up straight. "Hey, how are other people like with your sneaky forwardness?"
She waved off the question. "Oh, I'm usually not like this at all. I normally have to go through this journey with them until they figure it out on their own. I figured you weren't like that and would prefer someone who wouldn't baby you. It's actually quite nice to get straight forward answers back."
You genuinely smiled. "I'm sorry doctor, I think I underestimated you."
She had a different smile on this time. "Hm. Tell me something that your new friends don't know about you."
"That's kinda hard. One of them ran a background check on me."
She chose not to push her luck and not ask about that. "Well, it can be a small fact."
You let out a sigh and looked down again. "I mean, I was at the store the other day and bought them all keychains. Once I brought them to school I realized how worthless this would be to them. So I just kept them.
"Pushing for a better relationship with your friends will maybe let them push with you. They might like the gifts. You don't know until you try it."
"Thanks doctor." You smiled at her.
"One last question, how did you act with your old friends? Were you touchy feely or more to yourself?"
"Um, touchy feely I guess." You then thought about how you and your friends never really had respect for each other's boundaries, though none of you cared. "Really touchy feely actually."
"Try to work on getting to that level with your new friends." She then checked the time. "Oh, it seems we just ended our session. I'm glad we got this far, and there's so much more to talk about. I'll see you next week."
"Yeah, okay." You smiled and got up.
"Oh, dear,"
You stopped. "Yeah?"
"Why don't you give your old friends a call? You seem like you miss them."
"Okay." You said, chirpy. "Bye!"
You walked back to the physical exam area, and everyone was just about finished. All your friends stared at you as you silently walked over to them. You didn't say anything and looked spaced out.
"Y/n," Tamaki quietly asked. "Are you mad at us for sending you to therapy? You're making a face."
"I'm just thinking senpai." You didn't look at him.
"About quitting the club?!" He grabbed you by the shoulders.
You gently poked his face and pushed it away with your finger. "About whether or not I should give you guys something." The bell rang and you looked at the twins. "Oh, let's go guys. Bye everyone."
Nobody said anything. You went to your class silently. "Uh, y/n?" Hikaru asked.
"Hm?" You turned to them.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Kaoru asked.
You smiled and hugged them both. "I'm sure."
After school you decided to use your phone and call the one person you know who also has a phone. The other two were also there, and the three were planning to see you as a surprise on Monday. Luckily, Jasmine can't keep a surprise to save her life.
You entered the host club with a big smile, setting down your bag to turn and see all the boys staring at you. "What?" You asked, still smiling. "Oh! The gifts."
"So you actually did get us something?" Kaoru asked.
"Yup." You brought them out of your backpack and walked over to Mori. You handed him a keychain of a small black belt. "I heard someone say you were in kendo, so I thought this would be nice."
He smiled and patted the top of your head. "Thanks."
You excitedly nodded and bent down to Honey, giving him a bunny keychain. "I thought it would kinda remind you of usa-chan if you two were ever apart."
His eyes shown as he held it in his hands. "Cute! Thanks y/n-chan!"
You walked over to the twins, handing them a tweedle dee and tweedle dum keychains. You didn't know how to explain this one, so all you did was nervously chuckle.
"Get it?" They only stared at it and back at you as you awkwardly walked away and went to Kyoya. You gave him a paintbrush keychain. "One of my clients told me you could paint?"
He smiled and took the gift. "Hm. Thank you y/n."
You grinned and walked over to Tamaki. He was like a puppy who was excited to get a treat. You didn't take any notice in the blush on his face, nervous yourself that he'd say something about the piss poor gift. You put a small bear keychain in his hand.
"I know you have a teddy bear like this, and I've seen your dorky led pencil with the bear on it." An arrow went through him. "So I thought this would be a nice addition."
"No offense," Hikaru said, staring at the gift in his hand. Everybody turned their heads to him. "But you know these are kinda useless to us right?"
You frowned, but quickly replaced it with a smile. "Yeah," you nervously chuckled. "I'm sorry. It's stupid, I don't even know why I got them. Sorry." You then quickly began to walk away. "I'm gonna get my stuff set up."
You made some special tea for your first guest since she mentioned last time it was her favorite. While you were doing this, Tamaki stormed over to Hikaru. "What was that about?"
"What?" He shrugged. "It's true. I don't get why everyone's acting like this is some treasure."
Kyoya began writing in his book. "According to my sources, y/n also gave her friends back home keychains. It's a gift that she can afford, but it seems to only be something that she only gives to those she holds dear." They all looked back at Kyoya, who was still writing. "Don't you think it's peculiar that right after she talked to her therapist, y/n said that she felt comfortable giving us each a gift?"
Kaoru didn't know what to say, and Tamaki grabbed Hikaru's shoulder. "Listen to me." He said quietly. "You have to apologize to y/n. She wanted to do something nice for you, and you showed your gratitude like a slap in the face to her."
He looked over to you in an annoyed manner, walking over and tapping your shoulder. You flinched but still mustered up a smile. Before he could say anything, the host doors opened.
He didn't get the chance to say anything for the next three hours, as you were always busy with a new guest. Over the three hours guilt began to plague him. Why was he feeling bad? It was a harmless fact. His chest felt heavy.
Finally when they were all gone, you began cleaning as quickly as possible. He tried to slyly get closer to you, but you noticed and kept moving to a new area quickly. It was annoying him. "Hey," he called out to you in a demanding tone. "Are you mad at me or something?"
You didn't look in his direction, busying yourself with cleaning. "No. Why do you say that?"
"Tch." He didn't have patience for the feelings inside him. "Why are you avoiding me then?!"
You, as well as the other hosts, were surprised by the sudden outburst. You let out a sigh, turning to face him and giving him a smile. "Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry that you had to raise your voice at me."
"Why are you still being nice?" He said in a quiet manner, embarrassed for yelling at you for no important reason. "I just yelled at you."
"Um, I'm sure you're used to having people's full attention." You offered a shrug, your smile still sticking. "People who're raised by hearing a lot of yes's are usually bound to be more demanding. It's only natural, so it's whatever."
"No it's not!" He raised his voice again. "You should be getting mad at others being rude to you. Don't be such a pushover!"
His words stung, and you dropped your smile. "Don't call me that." You said a little forcefully.
"You know what? Next time you go to therapy, work on that!" You didn't say anything and angrily continued cleaning while everybody stared at Hikaru. Tamaki was being held back by Kaoru, while Hikaru was just staring at you. Damnit. This was supposed to be an apology, but he made things worse. "Y/n—"
"No."
Your simple demand got everyone's eyes to you. Kaoru and Tamaki held each other from how scary you looked, while Hikaru stepped a few paces back. After a few seconds he was ready to retaliate with another comment, but before he could he was pulled back by Kaoru.
"Hikaru, try to calm down." Kaoru offered.
This got him angrier. "I don't even need her to forgive me! It's always been me and you, and we never needed anyone else! Why should that change now?"
They both stopped when they noticed you sadly staring at them. You then looked back at your cart full of dishes and rolled it away. When you came back you only saw one twin bashfully staring at you.
"Look y/n, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things, and—"
You began to giggle. "Wow, I never knew people thought of me as so much of an idiot to really not think I can tell some twins apart. Nice try Kaoru." He looked at you, shocked. You kept walking, before stopping to quickly say "I appreciate you trying though."
You walked over to the other twin, who was tied up and squirming under Tamaki's foot. You motioned for Tamaki to back down, which he did as you sat down next to the tied up twin, pulling down the tie over his mouth. "What was that for boss?!"
"If you cannot respect a woman properly, you will have to handled improperly!" You flashed Tamaki a smile for the comment, and he began rolling on the ground and muttering about how cute you are.
You turned to look at Hikaru, who angrily looked away from you. "So, I get it now." You grinned.
"Get what?" He shyly looked over to you.
"Why you're so nonchalant about everybody. It's because you're used to only relying on one person your whole life." He looked at you in awe. You really understood that. "Honestly, it's pretty amazing to look at. I wish I had a life companion like that."
"But don't—"
"Nope, still not gonna talk about that anytime soon. The point is, I get why you weren't concerned about my feelings, and the important thing is that you're thinking about them now...kinda. As long as you're actually sorry then all is good."
He looked away from you and muttered a sorry. You nodded and untied him, standing up to face the others. You let out a sigh and bowed politely. "I sincerely apologize for the unnecessary drama I brought to the club."
You felt a strong hand pull on your arm to lift you back up. You looked up to see Tamaki gently smiling. "Don't think you have to put your head down for us, and stop thinking of yourself as an outlier. We all enjoy your company."
You smiled back, and remembered what your therapist and you talked about. Try to become touchy feely with them. They're all still your friends.
You wrapped your arms around his neck, quietly saying, "Thank you senpai." You pulled back and saw Tamaki as a blushing mess, causing you to quickly yank back. "Sorry! Ugh, I knew I shouldn't have listened to my therapist about being more touchy feely."
"Actually," the twins said as they came to each of your side, back to their flirty selves. "You can do that with us!"
You let out a breathy chuckle. "You guys are so bipolar and I love it." You then walked over the Kyoya. "Are we all still hanging out tomorrow?"
He wrote in his book. "Oh course. Have you decided where we'll go?"
"Yup!" You grinned. "The swap meet!"
"Swap meet?" The twins asked.
"Well, I think you guys call it a flee market here in Japan." You then looked back at the twins. "Call me tomorrow morning so we can pick everyone up and go."
"Roger!" They saluted.
"Wait, y/n," Tamaki said.
"I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable Tamaki-senpai. I'll be less touchy with you from now on."
"Wait y/n! I did like the hug, I promise!" He sobbed.
You giggled. "You don't have to lie to make me feel better. Well, gotta go. Bye guys!" And with that, you left.
"Mama~"
"Is there a problem Tamaki?" Kyoya slyly smiled.
"What if y/n won't hug me anymore?! Who else would she hug?"
"Hm. Well, she could always come to any of the other host members—"
"Are you saying you would let my little girl hug you and smother you with love?!" He barked.
"Hm, if it helps her, then I suppose." Everybody else left Tamaki crying in the music room.
---
Author's Note: Well, I don't know about you guys but this chapter felt like hot garbage to me.
---
Tag List: @krustykrabbspizza @animefan7420 @strangerthingsholland @the-dead-fucking-sea @blue-eyez-7 @i-bitch-you-bitch @sylumsart
236 notes · View notes
p1nkwitch · 3 years
Text
Ok, i did not forget tmastuck is still alive, i just had lots of other ideas, but.
Here we go again. 3 conversations.
@nonbinaryeye
SINNAMONROLL started pestering BEATINGHEART
SR: How long Jonah?
BH: As long as it takes to reach the new session, then I can just leave if my presence is so annoying to you.
SR: Not what I mean and you know it. They are both looking for you. There are just so many times I can lie to their faces. So many times Kitty kat has to lie to her humans, she is sad Jonah.
BH: Do not put our child into this.
SR:...
BH:Ughhhh stupid cat brain.
SR: Still its actually bothering them.
BH: Oh and what should I do, let them find me? How do you think that would end? Hm? I basically took away their powers Barnabas, I let the institute- my institute get destroyed. There is no coming back from that.
BH: Then there is the whole other thing about not actually being anything that a copy!! What do I do with that?
SR: Look, I'm a copy too! I'm not the Barnabas Bennet that was, but I have his memories still. So what? I like this new life. This new chance!! You can have that too Jonah.
BH: We could…
SR: Oh Jonah we both know that it wouldn't work, we already tried and it fell apart. Its not me that you want anymore and I'm… more happy with just being friends this time around. It was stupid of us to even try again, i knew it, but i was just… lonely, heh. Neither is what the other wants. Not anymore.
BH: Maybe if we work on it! I could... try to change.
SR: No, no you won't, and honestly ? I don't want you to. Mistakes happen, otherwise we wouldn't keep falling into each other.
BH: Not all of it was a mistake, it couldn't have been!
SR: … Maybe, maybe not before, I will admit that, but you want more than I can give. That's not bad, it just means I'm not the one you should be getting it from. We worked before, but you have more memories of a life without me and you aren't the same person I loved then.
BH: If i'm not that, and i'm not Jonah, then who the hell am i?
SR: Well, that is really up to you I suppose. To figure it out. I… will keep them away still for a little bit more. But Jonah, I can't keep doing this forever. We are barely halfway through on the trip.
BH: So? Have you seen them, i- they are in love. God why would- i dont even know what else to say.
SR: Try, speak with them, figure out something. You are clever. I need to go, I'm supposed to play cards with Martin. Its funny, he reminds me of Jonathan…
BH: Im sorry.
SR: I know, but its not enough.
SR: Talk to you later ok?
BH: Sure.
SINNAMONROLL ceased pestering BEATINGHEART
BH: …
BEATINGHEART started pestering SPOOKYARCHIVE
BH: How are you holding on?
SA: … Not sure. Its weird.
BH: Breakups are always messy affairs.
SA: You would know wouldn't you?
BH: Rude, do you want me to leave Jon? Because I can. I'm fairly sure i'm the only one you are even talking with at this point.
SA: Not true, I speak with Daisy.
BH: Aha, how does that go for you?
SA: … Its ok, she tries to cheer me up and its… nice, but sometimes she insists on me to stop moping and well.
BH: Tiresome?
SA: Yes, so much. The other just don't want me near, and its- i dont even have my powers anymore, i thought- well i assumed that perhaps like this it would be better, but its like someone cut off something from me.
SA: Georgie tries, but if I mention anything regarding my powers she becomes upset. Melanie is… herself, that bridge got burned a long time ago. Basira.
BH: Ah the detective, she is… impassive i have come to understand.
SA: Yes, and it's confusing, because sometimes we can get along but others I just seem like the enemy. I'm starting to realize that perhaps it was always like that.
BH: Mm, how does that make you feel regarding what happened with Martin.
SA: I- god i was so stupid, i thought we could just be better now that i was cut off, that we could be together but it became obvious that we had two different views of things and it was always grating, I could overlook it, but Martin did not. And it- its not a break up just some time to think.
BH: Jon.
SA: Hahahaha, it's actually funny i think, that's exactly what Georgie told me before breaking up with me.
BH: I do not think its funny Jon.
SA: Well what else am I supposed to take from it???
SA: That I'm terrible at keeping things? That the people around me dont care?
BH: Purrhaps, you confuse coworkers with friends, Jon. Have… Do you have a good frame of reference? To know what is normal or not? I'm trying my best to not sound pushy since you established that does not help you. So think of this as your homework of sorts.
BH: Try and think of behaviour that points to them being friends or coworkers. Hell just go with trauma victims if it makes you feel any better, take that. Make a list and tell me the results.
BH: As for Martin, as you said I don't have the track record to help. Asking Elias… well he has Peter. So maybe that is more helpfur to you. But I doubt it. Listen, divorce your feelings on the matter and think objectively.
BH: Imagine…. imagine someone else, literally anyone you know and try to put them in your place. Would you accept them to be treated like that? Do you think its normal?
SA: I… don't, I really don't. God i'm a mess.
BH: You are something of a mess, but the blame is not on you completely. That others see you as an easy target for their own insecurities doesn't make you the one to blame. Now, you did make mistakes from what we talked about, and we addressed that and their consequences on your relationships before, like with Tim. But, clearly there are also things they are not dealing with either and they use you as a scapegoat.
SA: Don't try to put them against me.
BH: Oh Jon, the sad thing is, I don't have to.
SA: I… will try to speak with Martin again later.
BH: Ok. Good luck, do try to do what I asked you, ok?
SA: Yes… yes, sure. Thank you Jonah.
BH: You are welcome.
SA: … Will you speak with them?
BH: I can't. Goodbye.
BEATINGHEART ceased pestering SPOOKYARCHIVE
WEBDESIGNER started pestering BEATINGHEART
WD: ::::)
BH: What do you want Annabelle?
WD: Can a friend not say hello?
BH: Considering we are not friends and you weren't supposed to make it here, I hardly doubt it.
WD: Oh buuu you sad, sad man.
WD: Anyways, I saw those two moving around trying to find you, very sad. Peter was looking grumpy. Elias was very annoyed. Do you want a picture?
BH: Why are you bothering me with this??
WD: … Its… the first time in years that I don't have the web controlling my actions. I always liked to play matchmaker, before my change.
WD: Its refreshing to be able to say what I mean without pain or speaking in riddles. The trip gets boring otherwise. I have been pestering Martin, but he is stubborn. Plus poor sad Jon.
BH: Leave him alone please, he is already messed up enough as it stands and im playing therapist for free. No need to add more trauma.
WD: That you caused him, or the other you caused him. Its perhaps a very interesting thing that he chose the version of you that did not harm him to be his confidant don't you think? There is something there to be said, even psychoanalyzed.
BH: Annabelle the point.
WD: Right pictures.
WD: sent (picture)
BH:... Annabelle, they are just making out??!!? How did you-??
WD: I have secrets. Have some more.
WD: ATTACHED (PICTURES1,2,3,4)
WD:??? Are you ok? Its been 20 minutes??
WD: Did I kill you? They didn't even get to lose more than the shirts calm down, I was sure you got into more freaky stuff in your years.
BH: How??
WD: Do you want me to get more?
BH: No!!
WD: Are you sure? Trip is long… maybe you need something to keep you… mmm interested?
BH: I will leave.
WD: Sure, sure. Offer always stands. Anyways. I will just say, because i'm fully capable of it now. They very much want you in there too. Its very weird, but considering the things i have seen and done for the web its the least concerning thing.
WD: So stop hiding and go get your throupe you coward.
BH: ANNABELLE!!
WD: ;;;;)
WEBDESIGNER ceased pestering BEATINGHEART
8 notes · View notes
soundwavefucker69 · 3 years
Note
Baby Tal'ika: Mace officially taking them as his Padawan
fhdskfhdkjshkjf okay let’s do this
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“If the honorable Senator Weezin doesn’t want us to investigate a missive from his own planet, perhaps the Senator should not be doing things that requires an investigation, Chancellor Organa.”
A headache was starting to grow just behind Mace’s eyes, a steady and aching pressure that was driving him to distraction, and today was not a day where he could afford a headache that set him off. He’d have to go to Vokara before heading down to the salles.
“Mace, I’m just trying to figure out what is actually going on here, because I’m getting conflicting reports. I don’t like Senator Weezin, either, but I also need to know what’s happening when it regards one of my senators,” Bail said, and rubbed at his eyes.
“Well, we aren’t sure what’s going on, either, and when I have information, I will forward it as relevant. Master Secura just left, and I have nothing currently to report,” Mace explained. “If he wants to pitch a fit, he can pitch a fit to the child king he made the mistake of trying to turn into a figurehead.”
“The reconstructionists want to order you all back to Coruscant. Again,” Bail said quietly, and Mace tried to bat down the growing irritation.
“And they will receive the same answer. You all signed the Palpatine Accords. You can’t void it now that you’re mad militarizing the Jedi has lasting consequences. We are beholden to the Republic, not the Senate, and it is going to remain that way,” Mace bit out, and Bail sighed, sunk down in his seat on the other end of the holo transmission.
“Is Senator Weezin corrupt?” He asked quietly, and Mace bit back the information he had.
“That’s what the investigation is for.” He was absolutely corrupt, but the Jedi handled their own investigations now, and only delivered their reports once everything had been fact checked at least four times, with independent consultants verifying their information. They had to protect themselves.
“Well. I hope Master Secura is thorough.”
“She has Bly with her. She’ll be very thorough,” Mace assured him, because there was nothing that got a Jedi going like showing off their competence to their partner. “Speaking of Bly, is Rizz doing alright?”
“Rizz has put the fear of the manda into Senator Tectate, and I am very much looking forward to them doing it again,” Bail said wryly. “I was worried you’d sent us a pushover when I met them, but they’re practically running the Senate at this point. I’ve never seen the reconstructionists so scared to take the floor. I think they’re going to be my replacement in another ten years.”
Mace was not satisfied with the assessment. He wasn’t, but it was a close thing.
“Rizz is made of firmer stuff than you’d think. I think they’re planning on making another committee.”
“The Senate is not going to survive if they make another one. Please talk them down,” Bail almost pleaded, but Mace knew he wanted it.
“I’ll have Fox talk to them. In the meantime, I have an appointment, so can we continue this discussion at a later time?”
“Tal’ika is twelve today, aren’t they?” Bail asked mildly, deceptively so, and Mace let his lips twitch in something that was almost a smile.
“They are, and I believe they’re in the salles,” he replied, and Bail looked extremely pleased.
“I look forward to your next trip to Coruscant,” he said, and Mace thought of Tal’ika in the Senate chambers. Force, that was going to be a nightmare.
“I’ll keep the theatrics to a minimum.” He wasn’t going to keep them to a minimum. He was going to encourage them.
“Please don’t. Rizz has been talking about today, and so has Padme. They’re excited.”
Rizz was going to be handling their political education. He wasn’t going to let Padme anywhere near Tal’ika. They were bad enough with Anakin.
“I’m sure they are,” he agreed, as serenely as he dared, and stood up to give Bail a severe bow. “Until next time, Chancellor.”
“May the Force be with you,” Bail said, and inclined his head.
“And with you.”
The transmission cut out, and Mace picked up his robe. A quick painkiller, and then he had a Initiate to locate in the salles. The exhibition was starting soon.
With a sigh, he rolled out his shoulders and shrugged on the robe before sweeping out of the empty Council chambers. Quick steps led him through the twisting labyrinth that was the new Temple, and he breathed in the serenity and clarity he had sorely missed. Five years since the end of the war, and fires were still being put out across the galaxy. The separation from the Senate and Coruscant had been sorely needed, and he found that he didn’t regret it as much as he possibly should have. It was better this way. Clearer. With firm boundaries, and actual treaties to keep their independence. The war had been hard, as short as it was, and painful. It had left deep scars on the Order as a whole, but here, they were healing, no longer held hostage by their beliefs.
All because of one time traveling impossibility. A flicker of fondness rose in his chest as he strode through halls made from trees and stone, and he let himself breathe in the reality that things were better now. Some things had changed, some things had remained the same. He didn’t necessarily think their monastic principles prior to the war had been wrong. Far from it. Jedi had families. They had lovers, and healthy attachments. But things had changed in an irrevocable way, and they had to move with the changes. They had sustained scars, and deep ones. The picture of a galaxy where the people had turned on them in such a vicious manner was a hard one, the future Tal’ika painted bleak, because it had all been a trap, and they were blamed for falling into it, despite the fact that they really had no choice. They’d come out with scars, and while they were luminous beings, not constrained by mortal flesh, they were not unlike a body that had sustained heavy damage, and needed to correct as necessary to survive it.
And now they had a new home, made of tree and stone, with a world removed from the strife and conflict, but still participating on their own terms. The world they came to had been renamed Refuge, and millions of refugees from across the galaxy had gathered there, seeking solace. A new culture had rose up, part Jedi, part clone, part bits and pieces of the shattered remains. It was a culture of healing and acceptance, with the leadership populated with clones and freedom fighters like Saw and Stella Guerrera. It was strange, monks existing in the midst of a hardened warrior culture, but it was a nice strange. Even Guardians of Jedha had come to help with the rebuilding. Two of them, Chirrut and Baze, were a fan favorite among the Initiates, and Tal’ika adored them, spoke of how they had hidden them and Plo once upon a time. A kyber cave had been discovered, and the Guardians stood watch over it.
He was happy. It was a strange thing. And now, today was a day to take another step into normalcy. Fox was very anxious to hear about how it went, like it was ever in doubt. It wasn’t like anyone was going to sweep Tal’ika up under Mace’s nose. Tal’ika knew who their master was. He’d already gotten the master-padawan quarters set up, not that they knew that. Fox had helpfully provided their favorite blanket from his house, and Obi-Wan had swung in to be present for it today, and Ahsoka was beside herself with planning for the confusing lineage dinner tonight. Anakin had helpfully broken into Yoda’s quarters with Caleb’s assistance to steal the ingredients for swamp stew. Mace needed to thank him privately for that one. He was turning Caleb into a borderline delinquent, but Mace wasn’t going to complain. So long as Luke and Leia didn’t follow in his footsteps. He wouldn’t be able to handle the twin terrors turning their attention onto him.
Depa was, of course, serene and above it all, but he had a feeling that she was the one that gave Anakin the idea.
The salles were drawing near, and he realized he was going to be late if he didn’t get a move on. The meeting with Bail had dragged out longer than he thought it would.
The open salles were a mess of prospective masters watching the new initiates. Tal’ika was stretching in the corner, breathing through the stretch and pull of their muscles, and Mace settled in next to Obi-Wan.
“Picking a padawan finally?” He asked mildly, and Obi-Wan gave him a side-eye, like he didn’t damn well know he’d had his eye on the tiny Zabrak Nightbrother Boil and Waxer had ‘liberated’ from Dathomir. Tenacity was cute, and an unholy terror when Tal’ika started their instigating, but he managed to get them to slow down on occasion. He was a good, calm, grounding influence. Obi-Wan, after all of the bullshit Anakin put him through, definitely deserved a calm padawan.
“It’s my child’s choosing day,” he said with a dignified sniff, but his attention was drifting to the tiny little brown child helping Tal’ika stretch. Anakin, the new fledgling Battlemaster, was chatting with Cin Drallig in the corner. Cin had been preparing him for the role over the past five years, and this was the first year Anakin had really been set loose on the temple and Initiates. It was a good role for him, and it kept him from causing more diplomatic incidents. Mace rather liked being able to nail him down to Refuge and not cause problems. Padme probably appreciated it, too. She loved her husband dearly, and loved their visits, but she also appreciated the Order keeping him in line and out of her work. After the fifteenth Ohnaka incident, Mace couldn’t say he was upset to have Anakin practically quarantined to the planet. The very idea of Anakin taking another bundle of padawans for a liberating slave run when they had Knights for that was enough to make him grateful for his lack of hair to lose.
“Have your friends made any more incursions into Dathomir?” Mace asked, and Obi-Wan went suspiciously silent.
“Well, if they did, they didn’t tell me outright.”
“... Obi-Wan.”
“They are simply not on the planet at the moment,” Obi-Wan sniffed, and Mace sighed.
“They’re not helping our reputation.”
“We didn’t snatch them. And they had the fathers’ permission last time.”
“They kidnapped the fathers last time, too.”
“And they are now in wonderful, fulfilling relationships. Boil and Waxer are quite taken with their husbands. Did you know they started a communal garden?”
“I’m sure it’s lovely.”
“Alright,” Anakin called and clapped his hands. “In your lines! Remember your blood circle!”
“Why does he keep calling the safety circle a blood circle,” Mace muttered, and Obi-Wan sniffed delicately.
“It stresses the importance of responsibility.”
And the Initiates were giggling. Again. But they were also lining up quite nicely, so Mace couldn’t be too upset.
“Let’s run through our katas!” Anakin called, and ignited his saber. Hisses broke out across the salles, and the Initiates all fell into proper form. A beat, and then Anakin started walking through their warm-ups, counting in time. Fifteen Initiates followed suit, and Mace’s attention was drawn to his future padawan adding in some excessive flourishes they were unashamedly not trying to hide. Ah, well. They were Obi-Wan’s kid, it was to be expected.
The warm-up lasted ten minutes, and he hummed as he watched Tal’ika comfortably fit into the flow of the proceedings.
“If you’re asking Tenacity today, bring him to the dinner,” he said, and Obi-Wan shot him a look.
“I didn’t say I was asking him.”
A nudge of the Force had the woven strips of leather to stand in for a braid shifting in Obi-Wan’s pocket, and Obi-Wan gave him an answering nudge to make Tal’ika’s beads clack in Mace’s own pocket.
“I had Depa bully Grey into making tiingilar. He liked it when Boil and Waxer made it,” Mace said, and Obi-Wan huffed.
“It’s rude to make them share the same day,” Obi-Wan sniffed, and Mace rolled his eyes as Tenacity’s gaze shot to Tal’ika as his wrist copied their unnecessary flourish.
“They share everything, anyways. Tal’ika is going to be miffed if they’re apprenticed before him, and he’s going to be disappointed.”
“Fine, yes, you caught me, I’m going to ask him,” Obi-Wan muttered, and Mace’s lips twitched up.
“Good. Fox is coming.”
“Did you invite the whole planet?”
“Absolutely not. Ahsoka did. Your lineage is going to make a mess of my quarters.”
“I’ll make sure Anakin picks up after himself.”
The warm-up came to a close, and Anakin ordered the little ones to take a water break before pairing up. Unsurprisingly, Tal’ika grabbed Tenacity and dragged him to the very center of the salle, like they somehow had something to prove, and Mace’s nose screwed up as the two shared a water bottle before Tal’ika gave a pointed pat to Tenacity’s horns and shot a deliberate glance over at Obi-Wan.
“I told you. They’d be mad,” he added, entirely unhelpfully, and Obi-Wan sighed.
“How many people will be at this dinner and do you have the space for another?”
“I already made space for him. And you, me, Tal’ika, Tenacity, Anakin, Depa, Grey, Yoda invited himself, and Plo followed, Wolffe is off world on the threat of swamp stew, Caleb, Fox, Cody, and Ahsoka. Anakin might bring the twins, so keep a close eye on your lightsaber. Leia has grown a penchant for blatant theft.”
“... Yoda is coming?” Obi-Wan looked downright pained, and Mace shot another glance at him.
“I have it on good authority that a mysterious thief pilfered his pantry.”
“Oh. Then that’s fine,” Obi-Wan said, and Mace snorted.
“He probably has a secret stash of ingredients, so put your negotiator face on, and you might survive.” Yoda was suspiciously absent from the proceedings, so Mace didn’t have much hope for escape. He should have really considered the logistics of lineage blending before he set his eyes on Tal’ika and decided on the spot that they were his padawan.
“Force spare me,” Obi-Wan muttered, and Mace bit back a smile. It was almost worth it to choke through the stew to see Obi-Wan’s reactions to being subjected to it for the umpteenth time.
“They’re starting.”
Tal’ika was giving Tenacity a bow, and Tenacity was following suit. A break, and then the exhibition started. As ever, Tal’ika was aggressive, in possibly the most blatant tease Mace had ever seen. Tenacity met it with good humor, his blade flashing as he smiled that quiet little smile he had perfected when it came to Tal’ika’s nettling. Elbows and knees Fox had unfortunately taught them were being thrown in, and Tenacity was blocking them with aplomb. Anakin had started an initiative for bringing in clones to help with training, and it showed. The initiates were not above cheap shots, and trained heavily to learn how to match and block them. It used to bother Mace, but he could see the importance of it, after the war. And the Initiates loved being encouraged to be sneaky and tricky. They got creative with it, and it showed when Tenacity caught a lunge by Tal’ika and flung them over his hip. Tal’ika went down, but their legs tangled up with his and the two twelve year olds ended up in a lump on the ground, laughing loudly when Tenacity’s face smacked into their nose.
The laughing abruptly stopped when Tal’ika realized that hurt, and then Tenacity just laughed at them again as he detangled himself and sprang back, blatantly baiting them. Mace sighed and rubbed at his eyes, and Tal’ika sprang into motion with a showy move, knocking his legs out from under him and pressing him to spring back, a wide swath of his blade putting some distance. Tal’ika pressed forward again, their sabers clashing, and their free hand grabbed his arm when he overextended himself in a lunge. They pulled him in, and a neat twist of their saber sent his hilt clattering away as they pulled him chest to chest, their saber teasingly placed in a way under his throat in a way that would have given Mace a heart attack if he didn’t know that at the most, it would maybe sting a little and irritate the skin.
“I win,” they said smugly, and Tenacity huffed.
“I want to go again,” he said, almost petulantly, and Mace idly wondered who had taught them that disarming move. It stank of Agen’s influence.
“... If we do joint missions, we’re going to have a problem,” Obi-Wan muttered, and Mace considered the merits.
“First mission we should unleash them on the Senate. Do you think Tenacity’s tooka eyes will be a devastating combo with their glares?”
“Absolutely. Rizz will love it. They might steal them.”
“I might let them.”
Anakin let them run a few more spars, where Tal’ika and Tenacity took turns disarming each other and winning, and Mace got a sinking suspicion that they had absolutely planned to take turns making the other look good. Like they somehow had anything to prove, but he’d let them show off. Both of them were advanced for their age, and it was definitely time for them to start receive targeted training.
The exhibition lasted a good hour, and at the end of it, Tal’ika made a beeline for Mace and Obi-Wan, dragging Tenacity in their wake, and Mace tilted his head at the beaming Initiate.
“That was a good show,” he said approvingly, and Tal’ika grinned up at him.
“Didn’t Tenacity do well?” They demanded, and color rose in Tenacity’s cheeks.
“Tal,” he muttered, aggrieved, but they shoved him at Obi-Wan without a shred of shame.
“Dad, you should give him pointers,” they said, and then promptly grabbed Mace by the hand to drag him off. “I’ll see you at dinner!”
The dinner they weren’t supposed to know about, but Mace had learned three years ago hiding anything from Tal’ika Fox was not unlike trying to hide things from Yoda. They found out, and nothing was ever a surprise, but he supposed he could be content with that.
“You’re in a rush,” he commented, and they hummed.
“Tenacity is nervous, so I gotta put on a good show,” they said, and Mace sighed. So they were nervous, and all of this confidence was for Tenacity.
“Obi-Wan already has his braid, so there’s nothing to worry about,” he assured them, and they smiled.
“I know. I put it in his pocket,” they said. “He almost left it in his quarters.”
“So that was you.”
“He was going to ask him next week! I can’t be a Padawan for a week without him! He’d feel left out!” They protested, and Mace thought about a lecture about attachments, but it wasn’t really an attachment. Just meddling to make sure Tenacity’s self esteem was at appropriate levels.
As soon as they were out of range of the milling Masters and Knights speaking quietly with prospective Initiates, Tal’ika sobered, and Mace patiently waited for them to stride through the halls.
“Have you been having dreams again?” He asked, and Tal’ika hesitated.
“Yes,” they answered honestly, and their brows drew together. “It’s... confusing.”
“Do you want to talk about them?” He asked. The dreams of the life they had narrowly avoided had plagued them since they first landed in the middle of a warzone, talking about how Obi-Wan was cooked in twin suns, and it had always confused them. Plo was meant to be their master in that time, and then maybe Obi-Wan was their master, and then they were dying in an alley under Krell’s blade, and then they were kidnapped by a man in black and raised a Sith, or they died at his mercy for crimes someone else committed. It was a rough subject for them, and led to a lot of confusion as to what they were supposed to do with their life and who they were meant to be.
“No,” they decided, and he let them continue to lead them through the twists and turns of the Temple, knowing full well where they were going. The gardens were at the center of their new home, and work was constantly being done on them. The two of them passed Knight Beleren and Padawan Qin, who gave them serious nods, and Mace gave them a suspicious glance, because Tibalt definitely looked too innocent. Hopefully, they weren’t about to go drag racing again.
Problems for later.
“Are you having doubts?” He asked, and Tal’ika was quiet as they stepped through the doors to the Garden.
“I don’t think...” They trailed off, and Mace waited them out as they followed the turns to their favored spot, a still pond with fish brought in from Mon Cala.
“It’s just that...” They trailed off as they came a halt at the tree that rose up next to the pond, and serious amber eyes locked onto the pond. “I want to be your padawan, but...”
Mace was silent. Sometimes, it was best to let them talk out loud, because they needed a sounding board more than they needed advice.
“I can see whole lives that never happened, and I almost want to mourn them, even though... I think this is the first time I had a choice. It feels like... before I had to fight to choose, had to dip into some kind of war just to be somebody, and most of my choices were ones I had to battle to have. Now, it’s easy, and it almost feels like a cheat. Because nothing was supposed to be easy, and now it is,” they admitted. “I don’t... I know everything is pre-destined, but how can it be pre-destined, when all of these things happened, I know they happened, and then they didn’t? It feels like mistakes kept being made, and the Force used me to mop them up, and now I don’t feel like...”
They fell silent, frustrated and a little lost, and Mace thought about their first meeting in a room he would likely never see again, sitting in the grass as they picked at his cuticles. Just a child, lost in a void, looking for guidance while firmly rejecting it at every turn. They had had a lot of meltdowns in those early days, had needed a lot of help to guide them through the confusion of their existence that had been ripped away from them, and he had always mourned a little when he looked at them. They had turned the tide of the war, and done it at seven, and Jedi had not known a single thing about helping them. It took the vode to settle them, those worn and battered soldiers that had been born and molded in trauma and knew exactly how to help a child that was terrified.
“There’s a lot of ideas about what destiny is,” Mace said finally, and they looked up at him with all of the vulnerability of a child. “All of us are a part of it, but what destiny is... you can’t quantify it. You can’t consider it. I imagine the confusion will never stop, but... all you can do in the face of it is make choices in spite of it. I think you made a lot of choices in spite of it, in all of the lives you lived and didn’t live, and I think you should just continue to do it. Anakin... he was meant to be the Chosen One, and he was, to a degree.” After all, it was Anakin that compiled the evidence, and it was Anakin that had delivered the killing blow, but none of that would have been possible in this time without Tal’ika. There was a lot of confusion in the aftermath as to who the Chosen One was, and what it meant, but Mace... “But his choices didn’t exist in a vacuum. Everyone made choices to put him in the place where he needed to be. I think he was just the point where those choices converged, but Chosen One is simply a chosen time, with someone existing in the middle of it. Destiny is nothing but the choices we make, and what we choose to do with them. So ignore who you are and what you want to be and who you could have been, and just... make the choice that will make you happy. There’s a lot of stock in choosing to be happy. People don’t give it enough credit.”
Tal’ika looked down at the ground, and Mace took a seat in the grass, just like he did five years ago, and they paused before slowly sinking down next to him.
“You won’t betray the masters that could have been if you choose me, and you won’t betray me if you choose them,” he promised, even though it hurt to say. “All I ask is that you don’t betray yourself, as you are now, and as you want to be. Can you do that?”
Tal’ika sniffled, and tears rose up in their eyes, and Mace took a deep breath.
“If you want me, you have me. So will you do me the honor of trusting me to guide you into being who you want to be?”
Tal’ika paused, and the silence stretched out, broken by the chirps of birds and the gentle hum of the Force. And then, all around them, the Force broke.
“Yes,” they whispered, and he smiled.
“Then, Tal’ika Fox, I honor your name as my padawan.”
A sniffle, and then they dabbed at their eyes and let out a halfhearted sob.
“Mace Windu, I know your name as my teacher.”
Mace smiled, and with a touch to their red hair, three strands gathered in his fingers, he accepted the next step into a better future.
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our-time-is-now · 3 years
Text
June 26, 2019: Solidarity, Brudis!
(previous play)
You can find more information about the authors, translators, content  warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on  our blog.
Attention! This play includes transgender topics. For more details see our interjection.
Wednesday, 11.36 am:
WhatsApp, David/Carlos:
David: Hi, what’s up? Are you up already? I just wanted to ask how things went with Kiki yesterday. Did you talk to her?
Carlos: Hi, brudi, yep, just woke up. Yep, everything was really relaxed with Kiki. She is completely convinced we’ll make it and all… it has calmed me down at least. And with you? Everything still clear in seventh heaven?
David: Sounds good! I’m happy for you! And maybe it will really work out that she can change to Berlin after a semester or two. I’m crossing my fingers! Here is everything fine. Matteo is playing Zelda right now – he probably took up the taste for it again last Sunday :-)
Carlos: Yes, let’s hope so! Ah, the little gambler, just be careful, now you won’t be able to get him away from the screen for a long time.
Carlos: I just wanted to say, I have read some more about dysphoria and all that. And in any case, I will shut up from now on, it is really different and dependent on mood and I don’t want to be the cause of you feeling miserable.
David: Ah, don’t worry – I have my ways to get him away from the screen ;-) :-P
David: That’s cool, that you’ve read some more. Thanks! But the offer still stands: when you have questions, just ask… I noticed in the last few days that being open about these things is not so bad as I thought earlier…
Carlos: Haha, nice, Brudi! *sends eggplant emoji*
Carlos: Ja, cool… I actually have some questions regarding those binder things. Can you wear your normal one to go swimming? And do they come in different sizes? And one more, but you don’t have to answer it because it has to do with dysphoria a bit: there are things you like to do, like sport… or sex… where you shouldn’t really wear a binder… isn’t that stupid? I mean, if you feel uneasy?
David: In theory swimming should go with a normal binder… but they don’t “bind” as well as swimming binders – they are made of weaker material and stretch more in the water. Yes, they come in different sizes, like shirt sizes, S, M, L and so on. Hmmmm… yes, that is rather stupid. I have to admit that I usually keep mine on during sport, but I’m not doing any competitive sport. For one or two hours it’s doable. And during sex… let’s just say that Matteo really tries to make things as easy as possible for me – I’m so super grateful to him for that! And in his presence, it’s getting better slowly – and if you tell anybody I’m talking to you about sex and Matteo I will unfortunately have to kill you…
Carlos: Haha, I’m not telling anybody. Brudi honour, man! So no killing, please. But yeah, damn, it sounds very complicated, all that stuff… and you think swimming with that thing is no fun, because people can really see it?
David: That, first of all, but also because I stand out from the rest so much… it’s not really normal for boys or men to go into the water with a shirt or a binder or a neoprene suit or any other item of clothing on top… people always somehow seem to notice and when you’re already uncertain about yourself, these extra looks bother you extremely much.
Carlos: Yeah, that’s understandable… but I still hope that you won’t let yourself be held back by those silly things… What does such a swimming binder look like by the way?
David: I hope it will be easier for me to overcome it on our holiday, because we will be amongst ourselves and you all know the situation anyway, but I can’t promise anything… we’ll see. *sends a link of the swimming binder he has ordered and adds* That’s what they look – I mean, that’s the one I ordered.
Carlos: Ah, okay, I see. Yeah, so, as said, if I can do something or not do something, just say so, yeah?
David: Will do, thanks!
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WhatsApp, Matteo/Carlos, 12.15 pm:
Carlos: Hey, brudi, mate, I have an idea! But I wanted to ask you first what you think about it and it has to stay a secret in any case, so not a word to David! Act normally! I know he’s sitting next to you right now.
Matteo: Haha, mate, act normally. You’re funny. How can you even read a message abnormally? Anyway, what’s up?
Carlos: I’ve just talked to David about these swimming binders. Or, well, actually about binders in general, but I got an idea about the swimming binders…
Matteo: Yeah, right, about binders… *sends eggplant emoji*
Carlos: In any case, he said that the most stupid part about it, for him, is that with his binder he stands out so much from all other men who are swimming without one. I understand completely. Just imagine if we suddenly had to wear a swim suit or something… Anyway, so I suddenly had the idea, what if we all order one of those things? Then he wouldn’t be alone. Do you think he’d like that or rather not? I mean, I don’t want him to get even more dysphoria because of it. You know him better than I do…
Matteo: Mate, who are you and what have you done to Carlos? That is a super idea, brudi! Truly! I think he would like that. Like, obviously dysphoria is somehow depending on the day and all that, but I really think that would help him a lot.
Carlos: (Matteo: Yeah, right, about binders… *sends eggplant emoji*) Really, man… no idea how you get to *sends 3 eggplant emojis*… you really think only about one thing, you pig!
Carlos: Yes, alright – I’ll make a group with the boys…
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WhatsApp, Matteo/Jonas/Abdi/Carlos, 12.42 pm:
Carlos: Hey, brudis, I have an idea for our holiday and I wanted to ask if you all wanna be part of the plan. I’ve chatted with David about the holiday again and then more precisely about swimming and dysphoria and that stuff and he said, the most stupid part for him is that he has to wear a swimming binder, because he is the only one and then people stare at him. So, I was thinking if it wouldn’t be cool if maybe all of us would wear one during our holiday… so that he wouldn’t be alone with one… What do you think? Are you in? Or do you think it’s a stupid idea?
Jonas: How do you even know what dysphoria is?
Abdi: I’m in! What are swimming binders?
Matteo: :-) Swimming binders are binders one can swim with ;-)
Carlos: @ Jonas: Haha, I can read, mate!
Abdi: Haha. What are binders?  
Matteo: You wear binders on your chest, they are tight and press everything down.
Jonas: I think it’s a super idea! We really should do it. Where can you get those things and how much do they cost?
Abdi: Ah, shit. But makes sense, yes…
Carlos: *sends the link David has sent him earlier* This is the one David has ordered! Would be nice if all the guys had exactly the same, or what?
Matteo: Weird.
Jonas: What’s weird?
Matteo: That Carlos knows which binder my boyfriend has ordered.
Jonas: <3 <3 <3
Matteo: What?
Jonas: You said “my boyfriend”.
Matteo: Idiot!
Abdi: Anyway, I have googled that stuff just now and it is really weird. It won’t be that we all suddenly can’t breathe or so?
Carlos: Well, David says, only after 8 hours or so does it become hard and painful because of air and back pains and stuff. And when doing sport or lots of movement. But we won’t be swimming for 8 hours in one day, right… and on top of that: solidarity, brudis! If David has to endure it, then we can too!
Jonas: Well, I think it’s really cool you’re so interested in all that, Carlos! *thumbs up emoji*
Jonas: Are we ordering together or everyone for himself?
Carlos: Everyone for himself. We all have Prime anyway.
Abdi: Will do!
Matteo: Uh, no… somebody should order for me too and also take it to Heidesee for me, please.
Jonas: I can order for you and pack it too, no problem!
Carlos: Yes, cool, guys! This will be great! We just have to discuss how it would be best to show them to him or something…
Matteo: Thanks, Jonas! *thumbs up emoji*
Abdi: I think it’s really cool we’re doing this. All the boys for David!
Matteo: :-) Super!
Jonas: Or wait… all boys? What about Alex then? Shouldn’t we ask him too? I don’t want him to feel left out or something…
Carlos: I’m not asking him!
Abdi: Oops, we completely forgot about him.
Matteo: I’m not so close to him either. And I have to keep to option to possibly kill him open. But you know him, because of Abi chacker clan, right?
Jonas: Well, if it’s okay for you, then I’ll ask him… would be cool somehow, if really all the boys would participate…
Carlos: If he even wants to participate… yeah, fine by me – if we must…
Abdi: Yeah, ask him. All would be better indeed.
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WhatsApp, Jonas/Alex, 13.24 pm:
Jonas: Hi Alex, the guys and I have come up with something for David. And we, through me then, wanted to ask you if you wanted to participate? David has to wear a binder and during holidays a swimming binder so he can get into the lake, but he feels a bit uneasy about it, because he stands out so much with it. We thought that we simply all could order one and go swimming with it and then David won’t be alone. You don’t have to do it, of course, I don’t really know how close you are to David, but I just thought I’d ask.
Alex: Oh, man… group things like that… not really my thing, to be honest. Would it be okay to think about and decide tomorrow?
Jonas: Yeah, of course. And as I said, no stress. You really don’t have to.
Alex: What does such a swimming binder look like? Do you have a link or something, so I can look at it a bit more in detail?
Jonas: Yep, one moment. *sends the same link* That’s the one we’re getting.
Alex: Thanks! I’ll think about it……
(next play)
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atopearth · 3 years
Text
Piofiore: Fated Memories Part 4 - Orlok Route
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I feel like Orlok and his "master" are really flexible characters lol, they basically do whatever they want in the other routes without really having a strict objective or I guess a belief they adhere to? I feel like all Orlok does is follow the guy and try his best to protect Lili, which I have to question whether it's really that much safer for her to be with the Lao-Shu than outside tbh lol, like I doubt Orlok is there for her 24/7 and the Lao-Shu aren't really dedicated to protecting her. It's kinda interesting to hear Orlok praise Rosberg so much and say Dante is a traitor, I wonder why Orlok is so devoted to Rosberg, I mean how old is Orlok that he seems to have been killing all his life (if needed) and being a dodgy informant for the Church? Considering how much regard he holds for Rosberg and the Church, does he not question the reason for someone like him to exist? If they got rid of the Mafia, would Burlone really work out better if the Church monopolised control? It's kinda amusing how Orlok says he prefers to not kill people if he "doesn't need to", but like c'mon Orlok, you say killing is not God's will, but I'm also sure God didn't delegate people or someone like Rosberg to decide who can be killed and who is okay to be killed as long as it's for the Church or whatever. Aside from being brainwashed, I find it difficult to understand Orlok's sentiments and beliefs.
I love how Fei and Lan are still pretty friendly with Lili in this route. Lmao at Orlok being ready to fight them if Lan wants to steal Lili's shrimp haha. Omgg, them eating congee and youtiao makes me crave it in the middle of the night lolll. Anyway Lili, just because Orlok isn't a bad person, that doesn't mean he's a good person or that the person he is following is a good person lol. Honestly, with how obsessed Orlok is with Rosberg, I don't know how to really trust him lol. Lmao at Orlok saying yep Lili must be the chosen one since the food she cooks is so delicious hahahah. It was pretty cute seeing Orlok playing with the church kids and sleeping on the grass with them, it felt so serene and peaceful. I didn't think they'd get to visit the church nearly everyday though! Lol, I guess maybe not for too long since Yang sent Lee and some men to "guard" them from a Falzone attack now and they're just scaring off other church goers. Mmmm, torta di riso (Italian rice cake?) sounds so good!! I can see why Lan and Fei were interested. I love how Lili got one to halve with Orlok just so he could try it, since she knew if she just asked him if he wanted one he would say no. Hmmm, so little Orlok was the one who killed Dante’s father back in the day? Well, Orlok is very naive to think that the Lao-Shu actually care and believe in Rosberg's prophecy, and omg he didn't even report to Rosberg something big like the Lao-Shu spreading everywhere that Lili saving Burlone is Rosberg's prophecy and implying that the Lao-Shu are on good terms with him by knowing it and protecting the holy one aka Lili. Like I don't care about Rosberg but if I was him, I would be annoyed at Orlok lol.
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I don't really see why Orlok finds it necessary to kill Dante tbh, rather than it being "necessary", it's simply more convenient for him to protect Lili if Dante wasn't chasing them around, but Orlok knows that Dante would never hurt Lili, so in the end, I find Orlok's reason for Dante needing to die dubious at most. On the other hand, Nicola dying to protect Dante was saddening, and I can't imagine how crappy Dante must feel now. First, he couldn't protect his father from Orlok, and now his big brother/best friend got killed by Orlok and it was because of him as well...he must be in so much pain. I think what's also making it difficult for me to like Orlok is his insistence on Dante and them being traitors towards God and needing to be punished, which I can understand is because Rosberg probably took care of him all these years blah blah, but when do you Dante's route before this, it just makes it harder to empathise and sympathise with Orlok knowing how much Dante sacrificed as the boss of the Falzone and the burdens he carries. Otherwise, every time Lili sees a bit more of Orlok's non-existent lifestyle, my heart breaks. The poor boy has only lived to follow Rosberg's orders and nothing else, he probably doesn't even know how to live without him. It was really sweet of Lili to thank him for protecting her all the time, I think Orlok really needs the human kindness from her that he's never experienced from anyone else. Their life in hiding is so nice lmao, Lili can still cook so many nice dishes and she even thought about making sweets lmao. It was really kind of Orlok to reassure her that she's not useless and can cook such good food. It's cute how much he likes it all haha. On the other hand, I honestly feel like Gil's motive for killing Orlok is so forced and petty for someone like him, even if the deal he lost was important and gives good money, it seems pretty weird for him to spend so much time looking for Orlok and getting back at him by killing him just because of it, and he's even going to kill or sell Lili as well? Yahh, I dunno, doesn't feel like Gil. At least I can understand Dante since he's always been an emotional person, and hearing Nicola say that he'll always be with Dante as his last words would be so heart-wrenching.
Lili feeding Orlok and staying beside him until he slept was so cute, it's nice that he's getting to experience "normal" things, it's saddening to think about the scars all over his body when he's so young. Anyway, I love how Orlok always appreciates Lili and everything she does, and makes sure to tell her that, it just makes you happy to hear it haha. I'm glad Lili finally told Orlok what she truly thinks of Rosberg after hearing Orlok's stories and stuff, but I guess she could have worded it better instead of just saying he seems like a liar lol.I guess it doesn't matter since it'll be hard for him to accept regardless, at least it'll make him think about it though and I think that's the most important. I think it's nice that Rosberg ordering Orlok to kill Lili is kinda what makes him start to question whether this is really right. It'll be hard regardless since if Rosberg's wrong, then that means he hasn't been killing people "in the name of God" all this time and that will be difficult to accept and swallow, but it's something he'll eventually have to face. I really liked it when Lili told Orlok that she isn't a saint and is just human, so she's scared of dying even if her sacrifice will save people, and she's right, she's not Jesus or something lol, she's going to be scared no matter what.
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Awww, I really like the little kid who lives on the street called Luca, he's so cute. I especially love how he's like a part of the Orlok and Lili family, and how he thinks they eloped haha. I think it would be so nice if they could really live like a family and eat meals together all the time. I knew Luca was going to die when they couldn't find him, but it was so heartbreaking to hear a little kid think he was going to go to hell because he stole things to survive. So I'm glad Orlok and Lili were there to make his last moments much more peaceful, even though it was still super painful, I hate having to see children die😭 Well, Yang fell rather easily lol~ Honestly, even though I'm happy that Orlok doesn't believe in Rosberg anymore, I would be so annoyed if I had a friend or someone killed by Orlok, like excuse me?! You only start to doubt the guy after he tells you to kill someone important to you? What about all the other people you killed that were important to other people?! It isn't even about logically realising that Rosberg is dodgy either, it's because Orlok doesn't think that someone like Lili should be killed and that's why he doesn't believe in him anymore. Anyway, I find it kinda silly that in the end the Key Maiden isn't even that important because apparently you can get the artifact if you have control over the land! I just feel sorry for Orlok though, since he's a kind person at heart. Also, I'm not sure what exactly prompts Emilio to start doing something about this whole thing, but seriously, he was waiting for Rosberg's compassion to awaken until now?! I don't understand where that compassion could have been if he's been using Orlok and maybe other disciples to do his bidding and kill people he thinks are in his way😶
Seriously, Gil pisses me off in this route lol. I feel like he's so silly and petty, aside from the stupid deal thing, he’s blaming it on Orlok because he caused a commotion and didn't give him any compensation unlike the Falzone lolll, he's also blaming Lili for not denying she was a Saint and that caused a lot of people to get tricked by the Lao-Shu. Okay, usually, I'm like don't blame the victims, and I still am, but honestly, people in town believe things so easily. Anyway, that's not the point I guess lol, I just wanted to say that Gil should know better than to blame Lili. Yeah, maybe she's got some responsibility for being a part of all this, but you can't blame her and say it's her fault. Firstly, he understands that the Lao-Shu threatened her with the church etc and he knows that it would be beyond her powers to go against Yang, but still blames her for running away to protect herself. Yep, like staying here would make her anymore useful? She's told these people she's not a Saint before, what do you want her to do? Can she control how brainless they are? Just as Gil is saying she should take responsibility for this, the victims also need to be taking responsibility for their own actions. I won't blame them for being dumb (even though I kinda do), but if he's going to blame Lili like that, he might as well blame the victims too. It's just so silly and I just roll my eyes every time I see Gil, it's like drama created just for drama. Anyway, I still find it funny that Gil finds the need to kill Orlok and Lili I guess because of all this hahaha, like could there not be a better reason?! You really have a lot of time on your hands, Gil... Also, if Gil really cared about justice for the elderly and the Visconti name being tarnished, shouldn't he be going after Rosberg since he's obviously evil and caused all this alongside Yang? But no, of course he won't because that's too difficult considering his position and influence, so instead Gil is just going to bully Orlok and Lili, the no-name scapegoats that no one cares about if something happens to them. It's ridiculous and I'm annoyed. Anyway, I also find it hilarious that Gil would sacrifice his men for this in the sense that he's willing to kill them along with Orlok if needed, like lmao, he's a full on villain now. He's nothing like the Mafia boss he's supposed to be. I always thought Dante was the compassionate one, Nicola would be a practical boss and Gil was the charming one that naturally got people to follow him, but there's honestly nothing charming about him right now and his reasons are dubious at most, totally not worth sacrificing their lives for this.
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Anyway, despite the hilarity of things, I do enjoy how Orlok is starting to understand the gravity of his sins and the repercussions of not thinking for himself. It's not his fault for being used and manipulated since he's a victim too, but it doesn't change that he's killed too many people and I think the first step for him is to accept all that. Anyway, I understand Orlok wanting to live despite everything, but after taking Nicola and his father, is it really justifiable to kill Dante as well just so that he can live? Maybe it's normal to be "selfish" when it comes to the desire to live, but I personally find it deplorable to an extent since Dante isn't wrong to say Orlok ruined his life. Killing his father was something that couldn't be helped at the time, but killing Nicola who was Dante's only support makes me mad that Orlok gets to go for his happy ending by killing everyone around him even though he's supposed to be "not like killing people anymore". Technically, I don't see why Orlok can't choose to run away. Dante technically gave him this chance. Sure, if Dante sees his face all the time, any person would be pissed off enough to want to kill him for revenge, but if Orlok ran away I honestly doubt Dante himself would chase him down. And even if he does, is that really worse than killing Dante? Why is Orlok killing someone who has already suffered enough from his actions just to save himself? You know what? I do like Orlok's conviction towards wanting to live a happy life with Lili, but at the same time I hate that in the end, the one who has to forgive Orlok is Dante as he dies by his hands. I'm sure Dante didn't really "hate" him in the sense that Orlok himself was an unforgivable human being (otherwise his last words would have been different), Dante just didn't know how to handle all these feelings of lost, of the truth with his father's death and how to not blame it on Orlok even though he understands how much of a victim Orlok himself is, and that's why I hate it, and I hate Orlok. I don't feel like he and Lili truly understand what it means to kill someone and live with that, because when people choose such a decision, it is because it's inevitable for one, and two because they truly regret taking this person's life but it can't be helped kinda thing. It doesn't mean you can kill other people so you yourself can be happy. What Lili and Orlok are doing are basically killing Dante to live an "easier" life for themselves and that pisses me off. Killing Dante also creates other societal repercussions, so it's not even what's good for Burlone itself. And what about all the people who love Dante such as Giulia? Lili and Orlok literally only cared about themselves. Honestly this best ending is the worst ending and I went from thinking Orlok was cute to hating every decision he made and being annoyed at Lili for always being like yeah that's bad but it's okay, we need to be happy. Anyway, seriously, if Emilio could take them in under the protection of the Church, I'm sure they could have done that without killing Dante. Yeah, he'll be pissed but I doubt he'd have the power to force them to remove Orlok. And honestly if their life just revolves around the Church, daily prayers and taking care of children etc, they won't necessarily have to even see Dante, Emilio could just as easily fake his death or just hide him, I'm sure Orlok wouldn't mind that. Yeah, I'm annoyed. Dante's route was boring but I didn't hate it, this one I legit hate.
As expected, the good ending had them on the run "forever". I guess it was a nice bittersweet ending? Honestly though, if they killed Dante in the church, I think I would have been able to accept that better in the best ending, because Dante really was pushing them to the brink and it would have been difficult to go easy on him there, but yeah I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. Anyway, for the tragic ending, I find it kinda funny how the Direttore tells them that if they leave Italy, then the Mafia can't do anything to them, but the church can since they're spread all over the world, and it's just like, this organisation that only has one church in the whole Burlone has branches all over the world?! Well, that was unexpected, is this what happens if Dante gets so consumed by his hatred that he doesn't even care about protecting Lili and his duty to the family? All he cares about is tormenting Orlok? Which I guess is pretty effective, but very cruel to Orlok, I feel sorry for him. It was so sad to see Orlok and Lili so close to each other but never able to be together. It was also terrible of Dante to have cut the tendons of their legs so they can never "run away". Even though it was cruel, I really liked how truly tragic it was for all parties. For Orlok and Lili who could never be together, but forced to see each other suffer, and for Dante a kind person to be imprisoned by hatred tormenting people and himself for all eternity because he's lost everyone important to him.
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Overall, I really like Orlok as a character but I really don't like his route lol. I've always had a soft spot for LIs like Orlok who are inherently kind even if they're being used, and I just love all the inner turmoil he has to go through when he's faced with his beliefs and learning to question them. I guess I just didn't like how things were executed after a while. Like, I think it was supposed to be romantic how his love for Lili made him go against Rosberg's orders to kill her, but it made me mad instead because his reason for going against Rosberg wasn't because he thought there was something wrong, it was because he felt that if Lili needed to die, then it can't be right. Maybe there's not much of a difference, but for me it felt like instead of Orlok learning to think for himself, he instead became reliant on Lili's existence. By wanting to be with her and loving her, he just kinda changed who he wanted to be with, and yeah Lili is better than Rosberg of course, but I personally wanted Orlok to grow, not be dependent on someone "more important". Anyway, the other thing I didn't like was as usual, how the other Mafia bosses died. I won't say much about it because I probably already complained enough about how ridiculous Gil was, but tbh Yang randomly dying was so anti-climactic lol. Although I do admit I've come to better terms with Dante's death in a sense because of what happened in the bad endings lol, but personally I still hate the best ending because honestly I don't mind it when characters want to be happy and try to obtain it even if it's selfish kinda thing, because I do believe that everyone deserves happiness and sometimes not everyone can be happy. But I do have a problem with when the characters are being selfish and then make it sound like there was absolutely no other choice and that they are bearing these "sins" when they really aren't (imo). Orlok and Lili killed so many people for their so called "happiness" and I honestly don't believe that killing anyone to achieve that happiness is the only or correct way. At least for Yang, he was a bad person through and through, but for Orlok, they try to make him redeem himself by not killing people, but in the end he kills all the most important people, even the person he owes so much to just so he can be happy and that really annoyed me. So honestly, even though I had more emotions towards this route than Dante's, I would choose boring over being annoyed haha. Otherwise, Lili and Orlok were really cute and pure, I enjoyed how innocent their love was, and how they shared happiness in such little things like just spending time with each other.
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omfgtrump · 3 years
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Bail to The Chief
With The Don banished, silenced on Twitter and other social media, and left only to spread lies about his golf game, this was the time to cut the head off the orange snake. After all, the snake was being served up on a platter with the sign: Convict and Banish.
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Mitch McConnell, a snake of different color, saw an opportunity to lead the beheading. In his conniving manner, he intimated he would be willing to consider bringing the ax down. But a funny thing happened. Talk of challenging his leadership role spooked him and he joined 44 other Republicans to try to cancel the trial completely. The “Grim Reaper” also wanted to avoid a scenario where his cronies would publicly be on record with their vote, as for now, big business has decided they won’t throw money into Republican coffers for supporting the “Big Lie” and failure to denounce The Don’s actions. (We will see how long that lasts!)
Though there is precedent for impeachment trials after a public official leaves office, the Republicans decided to continue their odious sycophancy. And anyway, what’s all the hubbub about instigation of an insurrection. Just a few dead police officers (two by suicide), 140 injured, confederate flags carried through the halls of the Capitol, a guy wearing an Auschwitz t-shirt, threats to lawmakers lives and and a lively chant of “hang Mike Pence” for good measure. As I said, what’s all the hubbub?
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In fact, The Don’s legal team decided to jump ship because he insisted that they use the “they stole the election defense.” Imagine arguing that the election was a fraud, stolen from The Don, so it was his right to incite a riot to take back what was properly his. So in other words, “Yeah, he did it, but you can’t steal stuff from people and not expect someone to fight back!”
Let’s face it folks, if many Republicans are still propagating the “Big Lie,” that Biden is an illegitimate president, and instigating an insurrection against your own government doesn’t rise to the level of convict and banish, then any hope of sanity and unity is gone.
When members of congress do not feel safe in their work place because of  menacing colleagues, we have arrived at a dark place.
At a press conference Nancy Pelosi, someone who was a target of the rioters, stated it very clearly: “The enemy is within.”
This quote from A.O.C. directed at Ted Cruz regarding their mutual support of the anti-Wall street populism of the “Game Stop” stock extravaganza says it all.
“I am happy to work with Republicans on this issue where there’s common ground, but you almost had me murdered 3 weeks ago so you can sit this one out,” she responded. “Happy to work w/ almost any other GOP that aren’t trying to get me killed. In the meantime if you want to help, you can resign.” Talk about speaking truth to power!
Cruz, the poster child for unity, response was to cry foul and state that A.O.C.’s anger stoked further division.
Mr. Unity, what have you got to say about fellow Republican, Qanon lady, Marjorie Taylor Greene, who, in an October 2020 video surfaced recently by Mother Jones,  said that the “only way you get your freedoms back is it’s earned with the price of blood.”
What’s that I hear? Umm! Thought so. So you can take your cry for unity and shove it up your ass. You are scum. A sniveling, conniving, morally bankrupt opportunist who gives a shit about no one but yourself and desire for power. And that goes for you too, Josh Hawley.
Lady Q has also repeatedly claimed in multiple videos and social media posts that several school shooting massacres were “false flag” events perpetrated by government officials in an attempt to drum up support for gun control laws. 
Lady Q has implicated anti-Semitic conspiracy theories that a Jewish owned international investment banking firm, Rothschild, Inc. was somehow involved in creating the devastating fires in California this past summer and suggested the fire was caused by a beam from “space solar generators.” 
Cori Bush, a black, newly elected congresswomen from St. Louis, felt so threatened by Lady Q, that she asked for her office, which was located next to Lady Q’s, to be moved.
And then there is Kevin McCarthy, House Minority Leader, making a pilgrimage to Mar-a-Lago, to lick the soles of The Don’s shoes to ask for forgiveness for ever turning against him. McCarthy’s response to the dangerous conspiracy theory Q Lady was to appointment her to the Education Committee, where she will promote curriculum that promulgates theories that the Jews are behind everything that is wrong with America and for that matter, the world. Heil Hitler, sister Q.
Let’s imagine that conversation K.M.’s conversation with The Don:
K.M. Mr. President.
The Don: It’s about time you showed up. I had you on my list of who to primary.
K.M. Mr. President, Mr. President, I don’t know what got into me. Maybe I was drugged by A.O.C. Marjorie told me that I must have been zapped by a mind control laser beam sent by some Jew that rearranged my thoughts. Do you forgive me? Please forgive me, Mr. President. We need you. You are our fearless leader.
The Don: On your hands and knees Kevin.
K.M. But Mr. Pres..
The Don: Shut up and lick.
K.M: But Mr. Pres…
The Don: Shut up and lick…thatta boy.
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K.M. Mr. President. Why are you pulling down your pants?
The Don: Remember all that talk about the pee tapes in the Steele report in the hoax Russia investigation? Well they were true!
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canyouhearthelight · 4 years
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The Miys, Ch. 66
I am happy to report that this chapter has been beta’d, by @satan-parisienne.  They didn’t tell me about any content I should tag, but if I missed something, please let me know.
Happy Thanksgiving Week to all my U.S. readers! Because of the holiday, I’ll have family in town, so there will not be an update next week on the 3rd.  Regular updates should resume on Dec. 10th, so keep your eyes peeled.
When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was how tired I was. “How does that work,” I groaned as rubbed my throbbing head. “I was asleep for hours.  Why am I exhausted?”
“You were lucid when you were supposed to be resting,” Grey answered as they came over to check my vitals and unhook the equipment from my little trip.
Tyche gave a grudging nod as she held a straw to my mouth.  I drank gratefully, and grimaced. Whatever I was drinking tasted like electrolyte drink and medication.  “Did you catch everything?”
Grey, my sister, and Antoine glanced at each other. Before they could say anything, a buzzing voice cut in. “There are gaps in the recording on your end, which were not unexpected.  The implants are not designed to broadcast outside of your auditory processing center, and I can only perceive vague intentions.”
On my opposite side, I heard the sound of chairs clattering across the floor and my berth sank as two rather heavy people used it to push themselves to their feet.  A string of curses in Japanese filled the air just before a thick, Irish accent boomed out. “She just let you drug her for ten hours so she could question a talking germ. While she is being constantly having her blood filtered to replace her hemoglobin so the same thing you want her to have a chat with doesn’t kill her.  She is sick, she is dehydrated, she is exhausted.  Your questions need to wait. She needs to sleep first.”
I held up a hand on that side without so much as glancing over, trusting that Conor would lean down so I could reach his face.  When I felt a beard press against my palm, I stroked his cheek with my thumb.  “Baby, they’re right.  It’s fresh right now.  People only tend to remember information for forty-eight hours without repetition.  So, it can’t wait, unfortunately.”  I finally turned my head and looked up.
Conor had not only pressed his cheek to my hand, he craned his head down so I could see his face easily. Tears filled his eyes, threatening to spill over. “Sophie.  I know I’ve been an ass, but this is the second time you have been close to dying in less than so many years.  And there is nothing I can do to protect you on this one…”
I tugged him down so I could hug him. “You’re sick, too.  We all are.  But answering questions isn’t going to threaten my life. I promise I will sleep after this.” I leaned as far as I could around him so I could see the scowling face of Maverick behind him. “You hear that?  Sleep. Lots of sleep. After I fill in the gaps, I’ll sleep.”
Maverick turned one baleful, dark eye toward me. He considered me solemnly before nodding “I’ll accept that deal.” He stepped forward, coming to stand next to Conor. “Sophia, we just want to make sure you take care of yourself.”
I nodded. “I know. But sometimes, it comes down to taking care of myself, or letting myself suffer just a bit so that I can take care of everyone else.” Smiling ruefully, I reached for Maverick’s hand. “But that is a huge part of me. It isn’t going to stop. You both need to know that. If you want to talk about it, we can do it after I fill in these gaps and get some sleep.” Once they nodded in confirmation, I turned back to the medical team plus Tyche. “Let’s do this. What do I need to fill in? Point me at your gaps.”
Noah waved with one vomu. “Most importantly, where did Else come from?”
My stomach sank. “Right to the tough stuff.” I swallowed thickly and resisted the urge to look at anyone except Noah. “They said that we, humans, accidentally made them. Here. On the Ark.”
Every voice in the room rose, all at once. I rolled my eyes and covered my ears, noticing that Tyche had done the same. Sure enough, a high-pitched whine filled the room. Judging by the sight of Grey and Antoine hitting their knees and the vibrations coming from the other side of my berth, Noah had employed their own special brand of crowd control. Once the whine stopped, I lowered my hands and Noah gestured that I should continue.
Clearing my throat, I obliged. “Else is… childlike, almost. They don’t mean to hurt anyone. They know us. They… like….us. Like, a lot. They were so, so sorry about what happened to Nixe.”
“You said we made them,” Grey exhaled, trying to get everything back on track.
“By accident. Yes.”
“Did they know how it happened?”
Now I knew why Else had gotten so short with me. “I only know how I was conceived because I was told by someone who was there, Grey. Why do we expect Else to know any differently?”
They nodded, somewhat curtly, to indicate their concession to that point. “If we can determine out how it was created, we can extrapolate how to combat it.”
“That makes sen – wait. What do you mean, ‘combat’ it?”
“Else is a bacterium, specifically one that has infected the humans on the ship and can kill us if left unchecked. By definition, it is a plague.”
Tyche’s eyes widened, then narrowed as she whirled around to face the head researcher. “You mean antibiotics.  As in, killing it.”
“Of course.” The tone was confused, as though this was the obvious solution.  Being that they were the closest we had to a head of medicine, I suppose the solution did seem obvious.  Except one critical piece of information…
Quickly, I flicked open my datapad. “Sophia Reid to Xiomara Kalloe. Xio, are you able to come down to my medbay?  I need you, right now.”
“Ten minutes out. Do you need me to send Miys ahead of me?”
“Noah is already here, and there is no immediate threat.” Not to me, anyway. “I’ll see you in ten minutes.”  Dismissing the screen, I looked back up at my friend and fellow Councilor already in the room. “Grey, it’s not that simple. Else is sentient.  I’m pretty sure.  Which means Galactic Law may apply, hence why I asked Xiomara to come.”
They blinked slowly. “The trials.”
“Yep,” I nodded.  “She’s been digging into Galactic Law ever since then, to make sure we don’t get caught flat-footed again. If Else is sentient, we have to treat them as people under the law.”
“Couldn’t Noah have told you that?” Maverick chimed in, bewildered.
I shook my head. “Unfortunately not.  ‘A similar species, regardless of what point of evolution, cannot make the decision if another species may be sentient.’ It’s to prevent sympathy from overriding logic.”
“Else is a bacterium,” Grey argued.
“With a hive mind.” I gave a pointed look at Noah. “Which means, if they are sentient, they could evolve into something like the Hujylsogox, given time.”
Noah made a gesture of confirmation, sweeping one vomu across its body.  That seemed to settle the matter of Xiomara’s involvement, and we all patiently waited for her to arrive.
Finally, she breezed in the door as though her skin wasn’t ashen from illness. Defiantly of any perceived lack of health, she crossed her arms and braced her feet as she looked at us.  “So, what’s the emergency? I could be lounging around with all I can drink Gatorade right now.”
Before Grey or I could say anything, Antione held up a hand to stave us off.  “Sophia just woke up from her conversation with Else, and we need to know if you are versed in the Galactic Law regarding determination of sentience in a new species.”
Comically, Xiomara slumped slightly, hands dropping and mouth gaping.  Almost immediately recovering, she cleared her throat. “I mean, yeah. I’ve gotten that far.  It’s fascinating stuff, actually.  But why?”
“They can talk.”
“Only with words previously used by you, and they do not retain the information.”
“Because several generations have passed for them!  Humans don’t retain language for more than one generation if there is no way to use it or pass it on.  You know this!” This argument came from my sister.  Tyche was getting as upset as I was, apparently.
“And they re-learn it very quickly,” I tried pointing out.
“So do antique chat bots.”
“Except that Else demonstrates that they know what the words and concepts mean, and can retain internal logic of the conversation.”
“Which makes sense if it is causing you to hallucinate the entire conversation.”
I sent a pleading look at Xiomara, but she only tilted her head from side to side. “Speech isn’t necessarily a criterion, but even if it was, there is no clear determination that Else is capable of intelligent speech.  That seems to depend solely on native communication.”
Damn it. I snapped my fingers rapidly, trying to think of a new piece of information, berating myself for getting into this position. Myself. “Self. Else demonstrates a sense of self.  One independent of its concept of humans. It… they pled for their lives. They apologized for hurting us, and understood what that meant.  Not only that, they corrected me several times on where they came from. Arguing demonstrates the ability to use logic, right?”
“Not necessarily,” Xiomara pointed out. “Conor argues with me all the time.”
“Hey!”
I glared at her.  Now was not the time for jokes.
Apologetic, she held up her hands. “On the other side, though, sense of self as a separate identity from others, along with understanding of the concept of death, are criteria for sentience.”
“What are the rest?” I asked, hope flooding my voice.
“Do they have any subjective experiences?” she asked.
“I’m honestly not even sure what that means,” I admitted, close to tears.
“Opinions,” Antione supplied helpfully.  “Experiences through their frame of existence and perception that they have opinions about unrelated to survival.”
I bit my lip as I thought. “The showed regret?”
“They also know we can kill them,” Grey argued, not giving up without a fight.
“They showed empathy?”
“So does your cat.”
Xiomara shook her head at Grey’s petulance. “Jury is actually still out on cats, so that’s not as definitive as you would like it to be.  But empathy doesn’t count – even among humans, several psychological disorders prevent empathy, but that doesn’t mean those people aren’t sentient.”
“They asked me to stop reciting scientific papers?” I asked in a Hail Mary attempt.
“They had what they needed,” was the suggestion from our self-designated Devil’s Advocate.
“Yes and no,” I said softly, realizing something. “They found it annoying and boring…  They also scolded me for using profanity.” Little things I had initially ignored rushed to the forefront of my memory.  “They knew Conor only gave the catnip to Tyche because he thought she would like it.  They knew Tyche loves me… they knew what that meant. And they actually told me how sick I was, the first time.  I didn’t realize it, but they told me my face and hands were injured.”
“That’s what the nightmare was that made you scream?” Tyche demanded.
Nodding vigorously, I clarified. “When I first came to the medical bay, there was moderate cellular damage in my hands, remember?  We didn’t think anything of it, because it was so simple to fix.  But in the nightmare, my hands were a horror show. I never would have even had them scanned if it wasn’t for that nightmare.  And the bruises around my eyes, from the anemia… they mentioned something was wrong with my face.”
“They told you out of self-preservation,” Grey supplied as the subsequent argument, but the staunch faith was wavering at this point.
“They didn’t know we were dying.  Not then.” I took a deep breath.  “And they make jokes, when I talk to them.  When I asked if they were deliberate or accidental, they didn’t just tell me they didn’t know.  They made a joke about my parentage.  Which means they took offense.”
Xiomara took a deep breath and ran a hand over her hair. “Boredom, annoyance… being offended.  Those are definitely opinions, and not related at all to survival.”  I held my breath and prayed to any entity that was listening.
“By definition of Galactic Law, Else is sentient.  Antibiotics are out.”
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marvelousbirthdays · 5 years
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Happy Birthday, lucifersbouncingballs
October 16-WinterShock with Darcy being connected to Bucky through the 1940s - either she got sent back to that time and then back or she started there, for @lucifersbouncingballs
Bucky Barnes is not having a good week. He's been drafted into a war he doesn't want to fight, his best friend is back in Brooklyn, probably getting beaten up, and now he's being called to Colonel Phillip’s tent. That can't be good. 
His commanding officer is waiting for him outside, bristling. "This is highly irregular, Barnes, and I want it sorted out."
Bucky salutes in response, confused, and at the colonel's impatient gesture, goes in. There, standing at the desk, is the prettiest dame he's ever seen. She looks a little battered and her clothes are odd, but her face breaks into a smile when he enters.
"At last, someone I recognise! Bucky, help a girl out here would you and explain what’s going on.”
Bucky frowns. He hasn’t heard his nickname since shipping out — most folks here call him Sarge — but despite her familiarity with him, he has no idea who this woman is. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"
At his question, her brows furrow. “Is that some sort of joke? Payback for how I kicked your ass at Twister last -” Her gaze falls on his left arm and she pales.
“I know your sister,” she says at last. “Has Becky ever mentioned me to you? Darcy Lewis?”
“Not that I recall, no.”
In the awkward silence, Phillips pushes through the flap. “Well, Barnes? Can you vouch for her?”
He’s about to say no, but they’re in the middle of a war. He knows — or at least suspects — what will happen to her if tells the truth. Besides, she knows his sister. Apparently. “Yeah,” he says instead. “She’s a friend of my sister. Don’t know what she’s doing here, though.”
The woman scowls, and it must say something about how long he’s been in the field that he finds that charming, too. “I’m as lost as you are. One second I’m at work in New York, working in a machine Stark swore up and down wasn’t functional, the next moment I’m here being interrogated by you lot.”
“Stark?” Colonel Phillips asks. “You work at Stark Industries?”
“Yeah, though my boss -”
“That would explain it,” Phillips mutters. “Man has the curiosity of an alley cat and the common sense of a gerbil. This sort of stunt sounds like something he would do.” He looks at the woman, who seems more calm now that she doesn’t seem to be at risk of being shot as a spy. “Now what are we to do with you? You understand that we can’t let you wander off, and Stark left for England. He won’t be back for a while.”
“A while?” She purses her lips, then sighs, as if coming to a decision. “Put me to work, then. I’ll go stir-crazy without anything to do”
“What do you do?”
“I’m an ...  administrative assistant. I transcribe, compile, and file the notes of others. I’ve been doing this for scientific research, but they’re pretty transferable skills.”
After some hemming and hawing, Phillips agrees to let her stay, ordering Bucky to show her around and shooing them out of his tent. Once they are outside and far away enough from curious ears, Darcy halts him with a hand on his arm. “Bucky, you really don’t know me?”
“How can I? I don’t think we’ve met before.” He knows all his baby sister’s friends, and this bombshell wasn’t one of them. Of course, if he was still thinking of her as his baby sister though Becky was in her twenties, it was possible that he’d missed one of her friends growing up as well. How else would she know his sister’s name?
“Becky and I aren’t close, if that helps,” Darcy says, and though something about this whole thing doesn’t quite seem right, he pushes his doubts away. After the week he’s had, he could do worse than showing a pretty girl around.
“Nice to meet you, Darcy,” he says, tipping his uniform cap at her. “Welcome to Europe.”
She tucks her hand into the crook of his arm and smiles up at him. “It’s not how I thought this weekend would go, but thanks all the same.”
She ends up being quartered with an Agent Carter, who Darcy seems to hold in high regard from the very start, much to his and Agent Carter’s confusion. Once the shine wears off, the two women strike up a firm friendship and can be found working side by side in total accord or laughing together in a way that makes the men near them distinctly uncomfortable.
Her spare moments, however, are spent with Bucky. Between her work and his training, they have precious few moments alone together. They spend them getting to know each other, bonding over a shared love of music and stories of dragging reckless friends out of trouble. From the knowledge she seems to have of his childhood, Bucky cannot help but conclude that she is his sister’s friend, though try as he might he cannot remember her.
It’s a few months before he musters up the courage to ask her about how exactly she arrived at camp.
“There’s not much to tell. I was headed out to dinner when my boss asked me to get something from a machine in the lab before I left. I checked with Stark, he said go ahead, the machine wasn’t working anyway. I’m in there, trying to work the component loose, when there’s a shower of blue sparks and I lose my balance and ended up here — wherever here is.”
She doesn’t make it a question. Phillips still doesn’t trust her, and while Bucky has passed that point long ago, it’s easier to stay away from those answers. “What was the machine for?” he asks instead.
She rests her head against his shoulder and he slips an arm around her as she answers. “I don’t know, to be honest, but my boss says it goes along similar lines to our work and we are looking at - at transportation, you could call it.” There’s probably more to it than that. Sometimes the things Darcy says (or almost says) range from unusual to downright impossible — but either Bucky is getting used to it or she is getting better at holding her tongue.
“I wonder if anyone found it,” she adds after a moment. “If it was common, I wouldn’t have had to go reuse that one.”
“You are working in logistics,” he points out. “Doesn’t that also include storage?”
She twists to look up at him. “You know, that’s a good point. Now I understand Officer Bryant’s storage system, it should be easy enough to find it.”
He follows her to the tent set up for general storage. It’s not the armoury, which is far more heavily guarded, nor the ration supply, which is watched over by the cook’s helpers. The Warrant Officer there gives him a suspicious look, but is familiar enough with Darcy that they are allowed in.
Darcy snags a clipboard from a stack of boxes by the entrance and pores over it, muttering under her breath. “Stack M,” she declares at last, and leads the way to the stack in question.
Bucky helps her pull the top box down and open the box below. After some digging around, Darcy pulls out a piece of metal, holding it up to Bucky with a look of triumph. “Here it is!”
“Are you sure?” It looks like nothing more than a piece of shrapnel, albeit with a few more wires.
“Yeah, though it wasn’t twisted like this when I was trying to get it out. This bit was over here.” As she speaks, she is tugging at part of the metal that seems to be hinged. With one final tug, it pops into place and Darcy stumbles backwards, disappearing into a shower of blue sparks.
His startled cry alerts the guard outside, but though they search the cramped storage tent high and low, there is no sign of Darcy.
There’s a lot of paperwork to fill out, but Bucky can’t bear to do it and Colonel Phillips is more worried about possible German movements near the Italian town of Azzano. One missing woman — who they never properly documented in the first place — well, they have bigger problems.
~~~~~ Seventy years later
His memories are still patchy, but images of the days before Zola are far more welcome than what came afterward. One day as he settles into living at the Tower, he catches sight of a brunette crossing the road below and a little voice at the back of his mind says Darcy. He is halfway to the elevator before reality comes crashing back.
As if the sighting was a key to those precious few months, more and more memories of Darcy start to surface. Her laugh, her biting wit, the little sway she put into her hips when she knew he was looking…
Steve decides he’s moping and at the next charity gala, resolves to introduce him to the entire population of Stark Tower, to ‘bring him out of his shell’. This tends to involve Steve springing strangers on Bucky while he’s having a perfectly lovely time interacting with the buffet table.
“Buck, this is Dr Foster and her assistant, who moved into the Tower last week.”
Carefully balancing his over-full plate, Bucky turns to face the new arrivals. “Nice to meetcha,” he says distantly, still calculating whether another spring roll would fit or cause a minor foodslide catastrophe. The women murmur polite greetings and Bucky almost drops his plate, because one of them is Darcy, blue eyes sparkling in amusement at the mountain of canapes he has amassed.
Despite the amusement, there is no recognition in that gaze, nothing but polite curiosity, and they soon move on to other conversation partners. Ones that are not alternating between shock, elation, and disappointment in equal measure, the sheer force of the emotions rendering him speechless.
Steve looks at him cautiously after they have gone. “You alright there, Buck?”
“That was Darcy,” Bucky manages to get out.
“Yes, that’s what she said. Interesting name —” Steve stops as realisation sets in. “Like your girl in Europe.”
Bucky shakes his head. “Not like her. It is her. Except she doesn’t know me.”
“But how can she be here?”
Bucky shakes his head. “I don’t know. I don’t even know how she ended up in the backwoods of Europe to begin with. She turned up one day, blaming Stark.”
“Stark —  you think Tony did something?”
“We assumed Howard at the time, but now — yes.” Bucky stuffs another dumpling in his mouth and chews mechanically, but the pile of food he has amassed is no longer so appetising. “I thought she was it, y’know? Right until she disappeared. Then we got caught at Azzano and none of it mattered any more.”
Steve claps him on the shoulder. “If it’s really her, then maybe this is a second chance. Even if she doesn’t remember you.”
“So?”
“So be yourself. Show her you’re the one.” Steve grins. “Be charming.”
Bucky thinks back to afternoons sneaking out of camp or finding a quiet corner of the mess hall, and a slow smile blossoms across his face. “I can do that.”
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fallout4holmes · 4 years
Text
Journal 56
We decided to head for Jamaica Plain, planning to reach it late in the evening to rest and move north from there. The party was quiet as we walked for most of the way. Cait was in a state of awe at the sensations assaulting her senses at first, unhindered by a haze of chems and/or withdrawal for the first time in years, but she adapted quickly. Eventually, her curiosity caught up to her.
“Holmes? I’ve got a… personal question.”
“Yes?”
“When you showed me your arm, back when ye tried to get me to go clean? I was wonderin’ what the chem was. I mean, you’re supposed to be pre-War, yeah? Can’t imagine a family man shootin’ up with psycho everyday.”
“I’ve tried a variety of substances, but I never had any desire to take anything that might make me exceedingly violent. And I didn’t become ‘a family man’ until much later.”
“Betcha were the type to eat mentats like candy.”
“Ha! Guilty as charged.”
“So, what’re the scars from, then?”
I sighed, “In my young and rebellious days it was a simple cocaine solution. As prescription drugs became easier to obtain with a variety of useful effects, I took to using Calmex, among others.”
She whistled low, “I heard of that stuff. Why?”
“It kept me from going insane, or so I told myself. Kept my mind from running itself ragged, the constant need for stimulation, kept black moods at bay.”
“Hell, a bottle of whiskey not enough?”
I smiled, “Depressants have their place, but stimulants were more… satisfying.” I noticed Valentine had changed his pace to match mine, walking close but trying not to hover. I reached for his hand. “Addiction nearly cost me my career, and my life. It took the efforts of my very determined and compassionate wife to clean me up,” my hand tightened around Valentine’s, “and my equally compassionate partner after my relapse two hundred years later.”
Cait thought about this for a moment. “Lucky guy.”
“Extremely,” I nodded. "I'm glad you were lucky enough to have Hancock and Piper looking out for you."
She scoffed, blushing. "Hancock was lookin' after an investment," she muttered.
"You don't truly believe that."
She shrugged, "Don't see any other reason he'd help."
"One way to find out," Valentine said.
Cait made a noncommittal noise, and the subject was closed.
We reached Jamaica Plain well after sunset, and were met by a Minuteman on guard. "Evening," he said, casting a confused look across our odd group. "What brings you to Jamaica Plain?"
"Tracking down the Mechanist." I held out a hand, "General Holmes. I haven't had the pleasure?"
"Name's Stills… General?" He was surprised, and a bit skeptical.
"Don't your own fuckin' soldiers know you?" Cait teased.
"I haven't met every single Minuteman," I sighed, "especially most of the 'old guard' who have returned."
"Ignore the Silver Shroud costume," Valentine drawled with a chuckle. "The Lockheeds still in residence?"
"Jane and Joan?" Stills asked, still wondering if I was truly who I said I was, "They're still here. Are you Nick Valentine?"
"In the synthetic flesh. Have we met?"
"No, but the Lockheeds mentioned you, and my patrolmates said…" his attention returned to me, dread in his voice, "oh hell you really are, aren't you?"
I laughed, "I am. Don't worry, it's my own fault for not being more present among the Minutemen. It seems Jamaica Plain is thriving, even after that Gunner attack a month ago?"
"Bounced back real quick, sir," Stills nodded. "Wainwright and her crew at the checkpoint were a huge help."
"Were you and your, ah, patrolmates sent from the Castle?"
"Yessir. Nash, Crosby, and I were sent down after the Gunner attack to help, and then stayed on as a guard against killer robots and potential Brotherhood conflict."
"I see. I've met Nash and Crosby, they're Danse trainees."
"Yes, sir," Stills smiled, "a fine pair. The Lt. Colonel can sure train 'em. We've some spare rooms you and your friends can use toward the center of the settlement."
We thanked him and found a place to stay for the night. Ada volunteered to assist with guard duties, as did Valentine. I was delighted to see Jane and Joan Lockheed both in good health, and Jane instantly engaged Cait in conversation regarding preferred methods of killing Gunners. Joan confided that Jane has been a bit on edge after her injuries during the Gunner attack. Cait was happy to compare techniques.
I sat outside by a low fire with my pipe as the night grew dark, Radio Freedom playing softly from within the house.
I felt a thin hand on my shoulder, "Might want to put some more fuel on that fire if you're planning on staying out here," Valentine said.
I reached up to lace my fingers in his, “I’ll come in, soon.”
“Good, wouldn’t want you to freeze. Might wake up another couple centuries later.”
“What a terrifying thought,” I scoffed. “Would you be waiting?”
“Well past my warranty,” he chuckled, and bent down to lightly kiss the side of my face, “but if I was still around, I’d be the first thing you saw when you woke up.”
I smiled, “My dear Valentine, you are the one fixed point in a changing age.”
“Hm. Are you saying I'm stubborn, or just too damn old?”
“I was praising your constancy of character.”
He was amused, “I'll take your word for it. What’s got you in a meditative mood tonight?”
I drew deeply on my pipe, savoring the sensation before watching the smoke on the chill air as I considered my answer. "There's still so much I haven't prepared for, Nick. So many possibilities I know I haven't considered. I feel like I have run out of time and I've only just begun."
"Despite what you seem to think," he said softly, "you’re only human. No one expects you to pull off a miracle, Sherlock, except maybe yourself. And I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by the people fighting in your corner."
I sighed, and nodded. He was right. I didn't like it, but I knew he was right. "My wife often said the same thing," I muttered. "'There are limits, even for you, Holmes.'"
"The more I hear about this woman, the more I like her."
I smiled, "You would have adored each other."
As I stood with a stretch, the Voice of the Minutemen came over the radio.
 "Good evening. This is Radio Freedom, the Voice of the Minutemen. We have just received word that Mechanist robots attacked County Crossing, but were defeated by Minutemen forces, with the help of the mercenary friendly to the cause, Mr. MacCready. Mechanist robots have also attacked Mass Fusion repeatedly, according to sources in Goodneighbor, but were defeated each time. A few robots made it to Goodneighbor's door, but we're taken down by Mayor Hancock's Neighborhood Watch. In other news, vertibird patrols continue—"
Valentine stepped inside to turn off the radio. "If we're going to get all the way to Goodneighbor tomorrow, then one of us needs a night of rest without worrying about vertibird air patterns," he said from the doorway.
I tried not to be annoyed. "Valentine, I recognize your intent, but please trust me. I will rest at some point, but I can't right now. I would love nothing more than to sit on a nest of pillows smoking all night in thought and meet tomorrow settled in mind."
He considered me a long moment. "You'd do that on a tough case, huh?"
"Particularly challenging matters were 'three pipe problems.'"
He smirked at that, but returned his thoughtful gaze. "Alright. Just do me a favor and get in here? Too damn cold out tonight, and we don't have any pillows."
I laughed a little in spite of myself, some small relief at his reaction as I joined him, "I'll make do without pillows."
"If you say so." He lit a cigarette, but it was more an action to fill time than any need, "Holmes, if I get too, uh… overbearing, let me know."
I was surprised. "I'd hardly call you overbearing."
"You know what I mean. Everything happening lately… I'm worried about you, that you're pushing yourself too hard and being too hard on yourself. But I also know you need space and your usual methods of staying sane don't always look like everyone else's. I'm not gonna stop worrying and trying to look out for you, but I don't want to lecture you on what you already know works best for you, either."
I was stunned, my answer quiet, "I'll do my best to listen, and to try to explain what I need. Thank you, Nick."
He shrugged, "Well, I'll try my best not to assume you're being a drama queen."
I rolled my eyes as we went inside, "Honestly."
"You're right, that's too much. I'll just keep telling myself you aren't going to freeze to death."
"... Are you implying the idea I might not be dramatic is ridiculous?"
"Said the man in a Shroud costume?"
"You are infuriating, Mr. Valentine."
"And yet you love me, Mr. Holmes."
I did not respond apart from a huff and holding his hand through the night. He laughed, and stayed by my side, content to let me spend the night in quiet thought and eventual deeper rest.
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the-kitteh · 5 years
Note
*pokes the Kitteh* You know those writer asks? *Grins evilly* Do all of them.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT’S UNHOLY, MEG!!!!
Also @journeythroughtherain, your questions will be answered in one heap. 
1.       What is your preferred place to write (notebook,laptop, cellphone, etc.)?
Laptop when I have access to one and notebook when I’m travelling.
2.       When did you start writing?
When I was but a wee, 15 yo kitling.
3.       What is your favorite thing to write?
Romance, though I’m pretty good with crach humor fics as well.
4.      Fluff or angst?
Tumblr media
5.       How would you describe your style?
Emotional soft with a sad and/or angsty edge. Depends on the day I’mhaving.  
6.       Where do you usually find inspiration?
It just comes and goes, like a goddamn wave.
7.       Do you listen to music to help you write?
YES ALWAYS
8.       What’s the biggest “challenge” for you as a writer?
Keep shit together. It stems from the fact I can’t write linear to save mylife so putting together a million or so scenes to make one coherent story isthe biggest challenge for me.
9.       Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, livingroom, etc.)?
I either steal some time at work or write in the living room.
10.   Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP?
Sure! Have some mer!AU:
“Until one day, somethingchanges. it’s almost closing time at the aquarium, and he’s been in the back ofthe tank, lingering in the shadows for the better part of the day. The visitorswere especially noisy today, constantly poking and knocking at the glass, thevibrations rattling his bones. 
He’s glad for the comfort the man-made structures ofhis tank provide, where the artificial lights aren’t as bright, aren’t aspainful on his eyes. 
Someone stops near his house and home and he grimaces,waits for the knocking to start. 
None does for the longest of time - the announcementto hurry up and leave blaring through the aquarium already - and finally, cautiously,he peeks out. There’s a boy in front of his tank, his image distorted by glassand water alike but he’s simply standing there, patient and silent andunmoving.
And so he swims out, shows himself as he is becausehe’s suddenly curious about this bubble gum-colored twig of a boy.
Once he’s up close, he sees that the boy looks likethe seashells he dreams about sometimes - he’s all cream and pink, with sharp,sharp edges he wants to test his fingers against.”
11.   How many stories have you written so far?
AO3 has 27 works, but there’s a bunch over at ff.net as well and over atlivejournal, not to mention the ones I never published anywhere. Consideringhow productive I was during my JRock phase and my anime/manga years, I think itcircles between 100-150 so not overly much?
12.   What’s your favorite thing that you ever wrote?
Ruins.
“and amidst the ruins, there was you” hands down. There are no words todescribe how much I love that story and how proud I am of both myself and thefic.
13.   How many chapters does your longest series has?
“Anywhere” takes that particular title with 24 chapters.
14.   What’s your favorite character/person to write for?
Aiveana Yumi are always a pleasure to write when it comes to OCs, and Tonyis just SO good to write for I want to die.
15.  “OCs” or “Reader”inserts?
OCs!!! I love those ;.;
16.   Can you tell us anything about your current WIP?
The one currently being posted? Soulmate AU where one part of the bondedpair believes he is soulmate-less and the other hates the concept of beingbonded with a passion.
17.   How long was the longest fic you ever wrote?
That’s…. that’s probably the Jointverse. That one clocks in with 149 528 words and I probably shouldmentioned that it covers about  half ofthe canon timeline so far….
18.   What fandoms do you write for?
Currently that’s kpop and Marvel (WinterIron). Other fandoms include MassEffect and Dragon Age, Final Fantasy 7. I used to write for Bleach, Weiss Kreuzand Magic Knight Rayearth, as well as a bunch of RPFs in regards to Jrock.
19.   What is/ are your favorite fandom author/authors?
…….. nope. No answering that, I wll not list half of the bloody server inhere!
20.   Have you ever written an AU?
Yes and I loved it more than I thought I would.
21.   What’s your favorite AU trope?
Apparently, dystopian AUs. I love all things soulmates too.
22.   A fanfiction cliché you can’t help but love?
Friends to lover with a pinch of mutual pining and misunderstandings. Watchme die slow and happy.
23.   For how long have you been a fandom writer?
Pretty much ever since I started writing, it was for fandoms, so 20 years?
24.   Have you ever had an idea for story and forgot aboutit?
Probably? I forget so many things I can’t say with all certainity this hasnever happened to me XD
25.   What do you do to motivate yourself to write?
I literally guilt trip myself into writing XD
26.   How did you find out you like to write?
In all honesty, I just … started writing, I thik it was Sailor Moonrelated? And it was so much fun that it just stuck.
27.   Are there any writers (fanfiction writers or not) thathave inspired you to start writing?
A polish criminal stories writer, her books accompany me tothis day and Iwanted to write just like her so I picked up a pen one day.
There are a few fandom writers that have inspired me to be better and paymore attention to my writing or who were there to support me when I wasdoubting my worth as a writer. I’ll be forever grateful for them
28.   What’s your favorite fandom to write for?
Currently, I love writing my WinterIron – because of the people there and becauseof how many story ideas I managed to come up with
29.   Describe your style in three words.
Soft Emo vomit.
30.   What would you say it’s the most “famous” fic you’veever written?
I think it’s the “Moments” series with @mistrstank cause I pitched in with akickass co-author there?
31.  Blurbs or drabbles?
Blurbs.
32.   Have you ever written smut?
Yup.
33.   How long does it usually take for you to write?
Depeeeends? Depends on my mood, on my work load and on the story itself.Ruins took me 9 months to write, while “pain and sorrow” was written in 2 days.
34.   What’s your favorite font to use when writing?
Cambria.
35.   Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics?
I think shorter ones. I’m rather good within the first 10K, but lately Ican’t plan for shit really cause a story I planned to wrap up under 10Kcurrently’s reaching 41K so….
Your mileage may vary I guess.
36.   How do you keep yourself inspired?
Uh. It just.. happens? I brainstorm sometimes, or see something that sparksup the urge to write something specific, or there’s a quote I particularlylike.
37.   Have you ever written something you didn’t like butposted anyways?
No I don’t think I ever did something like that.
38.   What is your “strong suit” as a writer?
I am very good at the emotional side of things.
39.  What’s your favorite trope?
I have a hugeass soft spot for all coffeeshop AUs. 
Shocking.
I know.
40.   How many likes do your fics usually get?
I literally have no idea how to measure that? Not as many as I would likeXD
41.   Have you ever used a prompt?
Sure, prompts are lovely!
42.   What is your weakness as a writer?
I’m impatient. I sometimes want to post before being really through withthe chapter or a one-shot and I sometimes don’t catch all of the mistakes ortypos. Having a beta ( hi @eirlyssa
43.   Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while readingsomething you wrote?
Yes. I wrote a death scene that sent me crying.
44.   Have you ever done a collab with other writer?
JointVerse in a way is a major collab and as previously stated  Moments
45.   One thing you love about fanfiction.
The freedom it gives.
46.   What’s your favorite emotion to cause on your readers?
If I make them happy when they finish a story or when I get a commentsaying how a reader held their breath.
47.   What’s your favorite thing about writing?
The way that it calms me down and makes me happy to be doing what I love.
48.   Do you post your writing in any other platforms?
AO3.
49.   What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad,etc.)?
Google Docs.
50.   One thing you don’t like about fanfiction.
Probably the fact that it’s downplayed as much as it is, because it’s not “original”.And that some people feel entitled to be demanding and rude about it, justbecause they get stuff for free.
51.  Least favorite trope?
A/B/O settings and high school AUs.
52.   Favorite words to use when writing?
I KNOW I have a pretty much  a trademark phrase or two, but currently, I amunable to cite any of them????
53.  Least favorite words?
 a little bit NSFW here, but I really dislike the word “cum”. 
54.   Do you usually like what you write?
I’ve been learning to love what I write
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