#and I felt that so intensely yesterday. I’m not as sad today as I thought I would be bc instead I’m so grateful

[writeforfandoms]

Welcome to New York 6

Find the series masterlist

Things get better, and you discover a possible way to earn some favor with Miguel. Jess helps. Sort of.

Warnings: Swearing, mention of injuries from last chapter, stress baking, sass all around, Miguel is not quite as mean, he's getting better okay, reader has low self-esteem.

Word count: 1.9k

Eventual Miguel O'Hara x f!reader

Your ankle was not sprained, somehow. Just stressed. By Monday you already felt better. 

The myriad of cuts, on the other hand, had mostly scabbed over, ugly and annoying. 

But you were determined not to let this stop you from working like normal. So you headed up to work bright and early. 

“Hey! You’re here.” Lyla popped up as you were walking through the lobby to the elevator you had to take down one level. “Figured you’d be home today.”

“Nah.” You shook your head, flexing your fingers. “I can work. Not like it’s physically intense, y’know? I’ll be fine.” You shot the AI a grateful smile, tugging your sleeves lower over your palms. 

“Mmkay.” She lowered her glasses to give you a more thorough look. “If you overdo it, I’m calling Peter.”

“Which one?” The question was flippant as you started pulling up holoscreens. 

“All of them.”

You spluttered surprised laughter and shook your head, grinning. “Duly noted. Where did I leave off on Friday?” 

You would have loved it if the day passed quietly. It did not. Peter came in to drag you up to lunch, whining that his wife had Mayday for the day. You had very little pity for him when he tried to show you a dozen pictures on his phone. 

“Peter,” you finally said, gently pushing his phone away from your face (and your food). “I know she’s adorable. But you need to eat and let me eat.” 

“Oh.” He looked briefly crestfallen, then just abashed. “Oops?” 

You snorted at him and shoved his plate closer to him. “Eat your damn lunch and let me finish mine.”

Peter snorted but obeyed, taking a giant bite out of his burger. 

So of course his mouth was still full when you spotted Miguel approaching your table. You swallowed hard, not sure what exactly to do. He still didn’t really like you, and you didn’t want to do anything to make his opinion of you somehow worse. 

Miguel stopped a few steps away, mask up as usual. But you thought he looked at you, just for a moment. “Don’t be late this time,” he grumbled to Peter, one hand on his hip while the other pointed sternly at Peter. 

“Miguel, buddy, when have I ever been late?” Peter grinned, bright and absolutely full of shit. 

“Yesterday,” Miguel deadpanned, and then ignored Peter’s spluttering denials. His head turned again to you, and you swallowed hard, hoping you weren’t about to be in trouble too. But he simply looked for two very long moments before he nodded, no more than an incremental dip of his head. 

And then he was walking away again. 

Huh. That had been… painless, really. Well. 

“Such a killjoy,” Peter grumbled, though you knew he did it more for fun than because he was actually annoyed. The man had a very deep well of patience when he wasn’t stressed. 

“Gee, I wonder why,” you deadpanned, grinning at his affronted splutter. “I’d probably be going nuts if I was trying to corral the lot of you, too.”

“You’re so mean,” Peter groaned, one hand over his heart in a dramatic motion. While you snickered at him, he suddenly switched to a little more serious, eyeing you. “How are you doing? All your cuts?” He made a vague motion to the upper half of his body.

“Okay,” you answered carefully. “Sore and itchy, but there’s not a lot to be done about that. It’s fine, I’ll heal.” 

“Yeah.” Something sad lurked in his gaze. 

“Oi.” You gently kicked his ankle. “I’m fine. Stop worrying. I’m taking it easy, all will be well.” 

Peter huffed softly, shaking his head. “Just make sure you keep an eye on them,” he advised. “Don’t let anything get infected.”

“Peter, you’re a good friend, but if you don’t stop trying to mother me I’m gonna deck you.” You grinned to take the sting out of your words, and were rewarded with more dramatic clasping of heart and even a wrist to the forehead for an extra-dramatic faint. 

The rest of the day was easier, after that. 

“Hey, Lyla?” You paused the current video and leaned back to rub your eyes. It was nearly the end of the day on Wednesday and your eyes hurt, just a bit. “How many anomalies are currently here?”

Lyla appeared in front of you, tipping her glasses down. “Why?” 

“Partially torturing myself with how much work there is to do,” you admitted easily. “And partially curiosity.” 

“At the moment? A few dozen.” Lyla shrugged. “Plenty of work to go, especially since the anomalies haven’t stopped happening.”

You hummed softly, tipping your head back to look up at the ceiling, letting your eyes rest a little. “So I’ve got job security,” you joked. 

Lyla snickered. “If that’s what you wanna call it.” 

You rolled your neck, eyeing the work still to be done. But you were tired, your brain was fried for the day. “Think anyone will notice if I skip out fifteen minutes early?” 

“Nope. Peter might even shove you out the door if he found out.” Lyla smirked at you, amused.

“Thanks, Lyla.” You stretched and waved all the screens down for the night. You’d pick up again tomorrow. 

It wasn’t until you were on the train heading home that you really thought about what it meant to have dozens of anomalies in HQ. That seemed like a bit of a disaster waiting to happen. What if the containment fields failed? What if something attacked HQ? Just seemed like a bad idea, was all. 

But you understood the decision - it was smoother to have everything properly tagged and the information put into the system ahead of time, and then send the anomalies home in batches. The corresponding Spiders probably liked it, even. Kept one (or two or, in one universe, five) villains out of trouble. 

Still. You couldn’t shake the niggling thought that it was a bad idea. 

You ended up baking to get some stress out. Making cookies had always been a good stress relief for you - mixing up the dough by hand, checking the consistency, dumping in as many chocolate chips as you wanted (and always eating a couple from the bag). It was just soothing to you. And delicious. 

It also meant you had almost three dozen cookies to take into work the next day. Early mornings tended to be quiet around HQ - most Spiders were more nocturnal, and many of them went back to their home dimensions to sleep. (Not all of them - Peter had told you about a couple floors entirely dedicated to rooms for Spiders to crash in or keep as their own. Somewhere there was an actual register of the rooms.) 

All of which meant that you arrived early, walked to the mess, set the cookies on a counter with a post-it saying “Eat me!”, and went back to work without seeing a single person. Officially no longer your problem. 

At least until lunch time, when you emerged to get something more substantial than caffeine. 

Jess sat next to you, and you blinked at her. “Afternoon,” you greeted, a little cautiously. You liked Jess fine, but she wasn’t one to really chit chat. 

“Saw you left those cookies this morning.” She kept her voice down. 

“How–oh, the cameras.” You huffed soft laughter at yourself. Duh. “Yeah, I felt like baking last night but I sure don’t need to eat that many cookies.” 

She nodded, looking around briefly, as if checking for eavesdroppers. “I’ve been craving these cookies,” she admitted quietly, patting her tummy. “But I can’t bake for shit and my husband, bless him, isn’t any better.”

“Do you have a recipe?” 

Her grin was quick and warm. “Sure do.”

“Bring it by and I’ll bake up a batch for you,” you agreed easily. “Unless you want, like, hamantaschen, those are delicious but they’re also a two-day process.” 

“Ham–no, not asking. They’re easy, nothing fancy.” 

“Then yeah, sure. No problem.” You shrugged. It really wasn’t a big deal as far as you were concerned. “Once you get me the recipe–” You stopped. She had a piece of paper in hand, waving it gently at you. “...Did you go back home to get a copy of the recipe and then stalk the mess waiting for me?” 

“I really want these cookies.” She waved the recipe again for emphasis.

You snorted. “Yeah, alright, give it.” You took the paper, scanning it quickly. You had almost everything, and it didn’t look too complicated. “I’ll stop on my way home to get a few things and bring these in tomorrow.”

“You’re my new favorite non-Spider.” She looked distinctly smug as she stood, her mission accomplished. “Oh, by the way…?”

“Hm?” You blinked up at her, half of your brain already focused on what you’d need for the cookies.

“Miguel liked them too.” She smirked at you and walked away. 

Leaving you to immediately wonder why she’d told you, then wonder if Miguel might like other sweets, then wonder if you could subtly bribe him into liking you with cookies… And then cover your face with a groan because you were not some school girl dammit! You’d outgrown these ridiculous tendencies. 

“Apparently not,” you grumbled to yourself, shaking your head. “Pathetic.” Shaking your head at yourself, you finished your lunch and got back to work, recipe tucked safely away with your things. 

The cookies were easy, after a quick stop on your way home. And then, well, you were already baking, it was almost no extra work to make another batch of cookies, and they’d vanished pretty damn quick… 

Which is how you ended up with nearly six dozen cookies cluttering up the entirety of your kitchen. 

“I need… something,” you sighed to yourself, hands on your hips, a smudge of chocolate on your nose. 

You thought about it as you packed up the cookies to take in the next morning. Why were you going the extra mile, here? Did you actually want Miguel to like you, or did you just want him to not glare at you all the time anymore? 

Probably the latter. Which was fair. You had to work with him, not often, but you did. He was your boss. (At least, you were pretty sure he was.) Nobody liked having a boss that was angry at them all the time. 

Or, you didn’t like it, at least. You wanted him to relax a little around you. You were so far from a threat the mere idea was laughable. 

You just… didn’t want that animosity he’d showed you to be the defining factor of your relationship. 

Huffing to yourself, you finished packing up the cookies. This was fine. Not a big deal. At least you knew your own mind, that was always a good thing. 

You left the extra batch of cookies in the mess the next morning, and then hesitated. You knew where Miguel’s office was. You could just leave some cookies for him, no need to even interact with him. 

Mind made up, you walked towards his lab/office/whatever it was. (Honestly, you’d seen the floating platform once, and thought it was overkill, but that was just you.) 

The lights were all off. Looked like you were in luck. You hopped up onto the platform, currently grounded, and left two cookies on a napkin for him. There. Good enough. 

Jess could come find you for her cookies.

Satisfied, you hopped down again and left, humming quietly to yourself. Time to get to work.

#welcome to new york #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #f!reader

[rubyarrows]

Skating Confessions

As Seeley Booth made his way to the local ice rink, he couldn't help but feel a rare sense of excitement. The bustle of his daily life as an FBI agent was often filled with gruesome crime scenes and intense interrogations, but today was different. He had finally managed to secure a day off, and there was someone special he wanted to spend it with: his lifelong friend, YN YLN. 

Booth and YNN had known each other since they were kids, growing up in the same neighborhood, attending the same schools, and sharing countless adventures. While life had taken them in different directions, they had always managed to stay connected, even if their meetings had become less frequent. 

As he arrived at the ice rink, Seeley spotted the YHC haired girl lacing up her skates, a warm smile on her face. Her sparkling YEC eyes lit up when she saw him. "Seeley, you actually made it!" She laughed as he approached. “I’m so glad you could. Thought I would be skating by myself after all.” 

"Well, when my favorite author requests for me to have a good day off and to be on the ice, how can I refuse?" Seeley replied with a grin. 

They glided onto the ice together, the cool air and the sound of blades against the ice providing a soothing backdrop to their conversation. As they skated hand in hand, they caught up on the details of their present day lives that each other had missed within their busy schedules. 

"So, what's new in the world of FBI investigations, Special Agent Booth?" YN asked, making sure to be specific while using his title, her curiosity piqued. 

Seeley chuckled; his breath visible in the chilly air. "You know, same old, same old. Solving cases, dealing with bureaucratic nonsense, and trying to keep my partner, Dr. Brennan, from going too far into her 'squint' mode. Which I'll admit does, on very rare occasions, does happen. Rarely but I'll take what I can get." 

YN raised an eyebrow. "Dr. Brennan, huh? She's the brilliant anthropologist you keep telling me about, right? I've read a lot about her work over the past few weeks. Research into the next series I'm trying to work on. Very impressive." 

Seeley laughed at YN's teasing. "Very much so, though she can be a handful, that's for sure. Brilliant, but sometimes socially challenged. Anyway, what about you? How's the life of a best-selling author treating you?" 

YN's face lit up with pride. "It's been amazing! Got that new series I just mentioned in the works. Publisher said that the prints for the first book just landed on her desk yesterday and she’s in love. But, you know, life isn't all sunshine and rainbows." 

Seeley noticed a hint of sadness in her eyes and couldn't help but ask, "Did something happen that I should know about?" 

Her smile faded, and she sighed. "Jackson and I just broke up recently. It's been really tough to tell you the truth." 

Seeley paused, his grip on her hand tightening. "I'm so sorry to hear that, YNN. If you ever need someone to talk to or if there's anything I can do, you know I'm here for you. I know you guys were together for a long time." 

YN managed a small smile. "Thanks, Seeley. I don’t know how you do it, but you always manage to make me feel at home,” she said as she gave his hand a small squeeze which he returned. “You know, even with all the craziness of our lives, I'm really glad we can still find time for moments like this." 

They skated in silence for a while, enjoying the simple pleasure of gliding on the ice. As they continued to skate, Seeley felt the need to confide in his best friend, though he knew it would probably be a sore subject since she had just told him about her relationship with Jason had just ended after almost 5 years of being together. 

Finally, after a few minutes he mustered the courage to speak his mind. "Speaking of relationships... I've got something on my mind, something I've been hesitant to talk about with anyone to be honest." 

YN gave him a curious look. "What is it, Seeley?" 

He took a deep breath. "I think I might be falling for Bones, YN. It's complicated, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I mean we’re partners and people are always saying not to mix business with pleasure." 

YN's eyes widened, and she stopped skating, pulling Seeley to a halt. "Wow, Seeley, that's... a big revelation you’ve made there. Are you sure? You've always been so close to her according to what you’ve always told me, but you've never said anything about it." 

Seeley nodded; his expression serious. "I know, and I'm not even sure how to approach it. It's just... am I sure I'm in love with her? No but I'm sure that I'm getting to that point. She’s a great person with a big heart and, though you have never met her, you would like her. Minus her scientific talk all the time, she reminds me a lot of you." 

YN gave him a reassuring smile. "You'll figure it out, Seeley. Just take your time. And you have my full support, no matter what." The YHC haired girl pushed off to start skating, dragging Booth along with her. “Besides if she’s like me in anyway like you are telling me, then I like the woman already. Dr. Brennan would be good for you.” 

The dark-haired man shook his head with a slight chuckle. “That’s one way to put it.” 

#ruby arrows #ruby arrows imagines #bones #bones x reader #bones imagine #bones imagines #bones fanfiction #seeley booth #seeley booth x reader #selley booth imagine #seeleybooth imagine #seeley booth fanfiction

[rothjuje]

Today is my sister’s yahrzeit. Fifteen years. How?

Alyssa saw some pictures of me and my sister the other day and she asked me who my best friend was and where is she now. I told her it was my sister and then changed the subject quickly. I feel like it would be weird at 6 to know you were named after a kid you’re seeing in pictures. I don’t know. I was around that age when I found out my twin died in utero and it made me incredibly sad for a long time. Plus I don’t want her to have anxiety that her own sister/best friend will die. I am really bad with wanting to protect my kids from any pain or sadness, we still haven’t told them zayde (what they called poppa) died. We need to, Alyssa was just so hysterical when Hef died and he was just a dog she didn’t even like. She wasn’t especially close to her great grandparents, but I think she panics when she hears the word died and I’m just really dreading it.

We spent all weekend trying to get the chicken run up and not making much progress. In TX, we just dug a foot (2ft maybe?) underneath the hardware cloth frame and lined it with boards so nothing could dig under. Here Justin wants it a permanent structure, I’m not sure why. He is cementing 9 posts into the ground and digging the holes (tons of large rocks we had to chisel out) took a whole day alone. We tried to get the posts up yesterday and the math with uneven ground wasn’t mathing. Finalllllly got the posts up from 6-7 pm yesterday. Looks bigger than I thought and I am pleased. Plus watching Justin sweat all weekend and build something for me was pretty romantic/hot. He also made dinner both nights. It was a pretty great weekend actually.

While he was gone I thought about our relationship and why we felt like strangers and yeah part of it his trips, but the other part of it is young kids/not managing evenings/nights well. It feels impossible to sit and eat dinner with the kids, the planning to have all 5 of us sitting and eating at the same time is intensive. Alyssa is easy, but George and Gen are picky in opposite ways and someone always needs something and it’s just a challenge that I hadn’t been prioritizing. And the nights (especially over summer) have been late bedtimes, and all the laundry and cleaning and random tasks and my shower need to get done after the kids go to bed because G&G follow me everywhere/undo everything during the day. Then chicken chores for the 7 still living in the basement and it’s after midnight and Justin goes to bed at 11:30. Now when he gets off work I run around doing chores while he entertains the kids, we scramble to eat together even though not convenient, I shower and get stuff done for an hour, and then we have 10:30-11:30 together. And I’m getting to bed earlier. I don’t like to rush around but I’m not going to get the things done if I don’t so it is what it is.

Poppa’s yahrzeit is 10 days before my sister’s, July won’t be a fun month for us. I find it interesting how close Justin was to his grandparents, but I can see it. They both made it a priority to call and sing to me on my birthday and they called us every anniversary. They were warm, affectionate people. They always made me feel like part of the family, and honestly it was a loss for me too. Poppa was pretty much the only grandpa I knew, and he was always there for us. Not a perfect man by any means, but he was a good grandpa/poppa/zayde. Sigh.

I wasn’t going to garden this year, because after my expensive failure in TX I didn’t want to waste the time/money without a raised, fenced-in setup. But I did end up planting snap peas, strawberries, potatoes, and squash and they have all done fantastic. With zero effort. I did not amend the soil, I did not pick off bugs, no fencing, heck, I didn’t even water them! Just planted them in the rocky soil and off the went. Wow. I’m so excited for next year, I can’t imagine what an actual setup will yield!

[3terna15unshin3]

Then Because She Goes

Cry, I will love you, love you, love you

★ Chapter 13 of 15, 3498 words

★ Matty Healy x Original Female Character

★ warnings: angst, descriptions of grief and depression

<< 12

18 September, 2019

Matty was right. Everything was okay. Until it wasn’t, and Este got the call.

She dropped everything to catch a plane to London. A train would be too slow. She had to be with her family. The two weeks she spent there felt like some of the longest weeks of her life.

There wasn’t a moment that the universe let her mind rest—it was a constant buzz of anger, sadness, release. She was mad that bad things happened to good people. Sad that there was so little time left. And eventually, two Mondays later, it happened. Este thought that when it did, her emotions would peak and then she’d be on the comedown—slowly, she guessed. But it wasn’t. Every day felt like the worst of what was to come. And the worst kept coming.

The clothes draped on her body remained the same for too long. Even their musty stench that grew as time passed couldn’t inspire her to change, so Cate had to force her out of them. She’d been helpful through those horrid weeks, constantly checking up on her best friend, even coming down to London a couple of times to take Este’s mind off of things and attempt to bring her back down to earth.

Two days after the dreaded Monday, they came back home to Manchester to grab some more of their things. Enough to last them through the weekend and however long Este felt she would need to stay. Work was a worry, but it didn’t matter to her as much as it probably should have.

After helping her flatmate pack another bag and essentially petting her head to sleep, Cate considered how intensely Este’s life had been put on hold to make room for her grief. There was no time to make new memories when she was all consumed with trying to cling to the ones with Florencia. Este was terrified of the reality that one day she’d struggle to remember them as brightly as they once were.

Cate thought about the increasing number displayed in the red notification bubble at the corner of her Messages app, and the people waiting to hear from her. The plans Este must have had, and their inevitable rain-checks. That’s when Matty came to mind. She decided that sending him a text would aid in planning their accommodations back in London, in case of some small chance that he’d have time to be there for the rites.

Matty Healy (famous)

Yesterday at 20:50 PM

hey. i thought i’d let you know that the funeral is on saturday morning. wasn’t sure if este invited you out but i know she’d want you there

i also have no idea where in the world you even are rn

so if you can’t make it then don’t worry

Today at 06:04 AM

Funeral????

I haven’t heard from her since this past Saturday

What’s going on

oh my god. she didn’t tell you

i’m so sorry you had to find out this way and that it isn’t coming from este but her nan passed away on monday.

Shit

I don’t know what to say, I’m so sorry

Can I ask what happened?

she’s been in remission for a couple of years, but in mid august ish she got super sick again. everything happened really fast and there weren’t any treatment options.

so at the beginning of september este went down to stay with josé in the house. the whole family went. they at least got to be with each other for her last couple of weeks

Is she still there in London or are u guys in Manchester

she just arrived back to the flat to pick up more of her stuff and figure out her leave from work and stuff with sam

we’re staying the night but heading back tomorrow. wake is on friday morning and the funeral the next day

Was just trying to figure out if somehow I could make it but I’m in Auckland

Would take days on a plane and we have a bunch of Australian shows coming up

I don’t think theres a way

it’s ok matty. she’ll understand

sorry for loading this all on you out of nowhere

No, thank you for telling me

Please let me know if there’s something I can do. Even from all the way out here

Anything

Today at 11:29 AM

i will

but also, just as a heads up, este really is not in a good place. she’s in good hands, so you dont have to worry or anything, but maybe just wait for her to reach out first before saying anything. hopefully you can understand why i ask that of you

hope your shows in australia go well x

Of course I understand x

Thank you Cate

Matty’s heart broke for Este and her family when he read the texts sitting in his notifications after his long plane journey out to New Zealand. In the car ride over to the hotel, Hann took note of how unusually his mouth was pressed into a flat line as he furiously typed away on his phone, eventually asking him what was up.

“Cate’s just told me that Este’s nan just passed.” he explained, “She was just super vague at the start about a funeral and I haven’t heard from Este at all, so I panicked,”

“Did you think she was inviting you to Este’s funeral?”

“Dunno, really. ‘Funeral’ is just a scary word.” Matty continued typing as Cate’s responses came through.

“Shit. Sorry, mate.” said George, giving his condolences. “How old was she?”

“75. Cate’s saying it was cancer.” As he read more texts, the further it was explained.

“The nan with the gallbladder?” Ross asked, a contained amusement sitting on his face as he brought up the story he shared when the guys had first met Este and Cate.

Matty threw him a grimace. “Yes, Ross. I’m sure she had a gallbladder. But if you mean the one who was my nurse after I got mine removed, then also yes.” Despite how inappropriate his joke seemed, Matty was glad the mood lifted when it gained a couple bittersweet chuckles from the rest of the guys. “Este never told me about any of it, so I’m just a bit shocked,”

He’d been frozen with grief before, so he didn’t blame her for not saying anything. Letting her heal was necessary—and his feelings couldn’t matter less in this situation. Plus, the idea of sending a message was too scary. He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, or want to overstep. So Cate suggesting he let Este come to him first helped him with the internal dilemma.

She almost regretted reaching out to Matty after discovering that Este hadn’t told him about Florencia. It felt like crossing a boundary; like something that should have been shared on her accord instead of by her best friend over text. To clear her conscience, Cate confessed what she had done as they sat on the train back to London the next day.

“Hey,” she started, to break the silence and grab Este’s attention. Her sad eyes looked up to acknowledge the conversation and her curious eyebrows raised.

“Yesterday I was thinking about where I’d be staying this weekend and if there would be enough room at your grandparents’ house. Which I know you said there would be—but it just had me thinking about everyone who may need accommodations for coming in from out of town—and I thought of Matty. Which in retrospect, was stupid in the first place, since his literal house is in London. Impulsively I just sent him a text without even asking you first, and I feel really guilty for intruding, especially since he let me know that you hadn’t told him or anything. So I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking in the moment, I just—“

A reassuring and gentle hand was felt on Cate’s forearm. It was Este’s, as if to say, ‘It’s okay’. She gave a soft smile and Cate showed one similarly, still holding her breath from the anticipation of what reaction the fact she revealed may conjure.

All she did was swipe away Cate’s auburn hair before leaning her head on her shoulder—where the hair once sat—so that the weight wouldn’t pull on it, sighing quietly. Este didn’t feel strongly about anything at that moment, letting the clunky sounds of the train and the presence of her best friend envelop her numbness.

It wasn’t an active decision to keep Matty uninformed. It was probably due to her refusing to believe it would ever come to the point of relevance. That if she didn’t admit that Florencia was sick again, then the gut-wrenching inevitability couldn’t be real life. And once it was—as much as Este craved the comfort she knew he’d provide her—she couldn’t be rational. It was an all-consuming paralysis.

The air in the house was heavy. Endless paperwork screamed for attention from the dining room table, so her parents and granddad were busy dealing with that; not saying much to the two girls as they entered. A touch on the small of Este’s back was given by José, who didn’t usually use his words to show his love for her anyway. The warmth from where his hand brushed against her lingered for a couple of long seconds.

Before Cate and Este reached the spare room they’d be sharing for the weekend, her mother stopped them.

“You should look at the flowers on the counter, E. They’re beautiful.” said Percy.

Setting her bags down, Este agreed and stepped back out to the kitchen. The bouquet that came into her view was huge. They had received flowers from a couple of people since Monday, mostly dainty and affordable and easy to look at. But this one took her by surprise; its full shape made up of the most colourful foliage she could imagine. Her Lola would have loved it.

You could sense Florencia’s kookiness from the loud and maximalist decor throughout her house. Este acquired the hoarding habits from her. She could recall a couple of times her nan commented on how boring she found pre-made bunches from the supermarket, and how she wished she could combine every different type of bouquet to have one that actually interested her. If someone told Este that her grandmother picked the flowers sitting on the counter in front of her, she’d believe them.

“Wow, they are beautiful.” She mumbled, about to ask her family if they knew who had sent them.

But, a note card stuck out of the top. Este flipped it open.

‘For Este-

Life is just as precious and beautiful as it is unfair. I am so sorry it has been unfair to you. I feel both lucky to have even briefly known Florencia, and also terrible that I can’t be there to support you. Thinking of your family always.

All my love

Matty x’

Her shaky hand grabbed the card and slipped it into the pocket of her sweats for safekeeping—her question now answered. One day she would be able to accept how thoughtful his words were, and even send him a message to say thank you. But that day wasn’t today.

-

23 September, 2019

Sam knew he had to hire another employee at Greenhouse to make up for Este’s absences.

Over the years, there had been many occasions where time off was needed by either her or Oliver or even the owner himself; so there were a few solutions they’d usually jump to. A couple of close friends of the store had been kept on the store’s payroll to jump in when needed. But, Sam had a feeling that he’d be in need of something more. Meeting Este when she was a mere nineteen years old, he was aware of the tightly knit family she possessed—and he had never seen her in the state she was in now. This was clearly world-shifting for her.

She tried to insist on coming back to work that Monday morning, only a week to the day of her grandmother’s passing. Sam could hear the quiet quiver in her voice when they spoke on the phone, already in the process of sorting through CVs and inviting potential hires for interviews. Not with the intent to replace Este, but to ensure she could take the full time she needed off without the pressure of letting the business down. Of course, he refused to make her travel all the way back to Manchester and firmly encouraged her to stay with her family for as long as she wished to.

So, Este stayed in London—for much longer than she expected to. Weeks went by and she was still there. Her mum and dad were forced to leave not long after the weekend of the funeral; on account of some dodgy conversation with their bosses about time off. It didn’t feel right to leave José alone in the house. Este felt his sorrow through their silence. They slept under the same roof every night, both shutting their eyes to be able to see the sparkling memories of Florencia that were painted on the inside of their eyelids.

She did a lot of sleeping, for that very reason. And randomly got really good at Scrabble. Her and her granddad had played a couple of times which sparked her interest, but it soon spiralled into Este playing against computers through an app on her phone for most hours of the day. She thought to herself, After this game I’ll get up and do something else. But she never got up and she never did anything else.

Her vocabulary expanded. Este even considered ordering a Scrabble dictionary off of Amazon. She paid for Prime, so it could even come tomorrow. It’s okay, she reassured, It’ll wear off. I won’t sit here and play Scrabble until the end of time.

But what if I do? she feared.

-

Percy came to visit quite frequently. To both make sure her father and daughter were holding up, all alone in London, and to feel closer to Florencia. The house still smelled like her. Sometimes, she’d have to remind Este to go out and buy groceries after seeing that they were running low; or convince José to pay his bills on time. He had a hard time remembering what day it was.

She brought Dano with her whenever she was over. It helped spike Este’s mood, though temporarily. Her voice would reach its excited high pitch when she heard his paws tap on the hardwood floor and shower him in the only love she had left in her.

Este liked letting her family’s golden retriever up onto her bed, even though the fur that he left behind sometimes made her sneeze in the middle of the night. She liked how warm he was and that the in-and-out of his breathing helped punctuate her thoughts.

One night, she took a break from resting her face against him and gave Cate a call. She was nice enough to come back from Manchester a couple of times to bring more of Este’s belongings from their flat, helping to make the spare room feel more like her own. Cate saw her grief for what it was and gave Este the rigidity that others were scared to. The words she had trouble saying to herself felt easier to believe when her best friend was on the receiving line. Gently petting Dano’s coat, her voice escaped with a tremble.

She talked about how after seeing a trailer for a film called The Farewell (that was coincidentally about a sick grandmother) on the telly a couple of days ago, she hadn’t turned it on since. How she thought rereading Little Women might comfort her, but then she reached the part where Beth dies and couldn’t finish it. How she dreamt of her Lola every night.

But alas, the ponderous energy of the air around her lifted slightly. And when Cate hung up, after both girls lost track of time and realised the late hour, Este leaned back down onto Dano like he was her pillow, surprised to find his fur all wet with her tears.

-

29 October, 2019

Following the release of the third single for Notes On A Conditional Form, Frail State of Mind, Matty and the rest of the band had a couple of weeks off before playing Pitchfork Music Festival in Paris. Though they were still busy writing, the time away from performing left Matty thinking about Este more often. Sure, he was sort of always thinking of her; but it felt elevated during their first long break since he’d last heard from her.

He had sent a couple of texts to Cate to make sure she was alright, but never felt entitled to know more than just that. So, he was shocked to see messages waiting for him, from Este. The sheer anticipation made his thumb shake as it clicked to open it.

E ★

Today at 18:11 PM

I know this is more than a month overdue, but thank you for the flowers and sweet message. They were the most beautiful we’d received. The whole family loved them, and I’m sure my nan would have too

Pls don’t feel bad about not coming in for the funeral. I remembered that you’d be too far and that’s ok. It’s me that should be sorry for not letting u know what was going on. You deserved to know. But I’d be lying if I said i was doing better. Things are still really hard

I hope u can believe me when i say that I really do appreciate you Matty. I know you would be there for me if I let you in. But im sort of struggling to let anyone in rn.

Sorry for spamming you, I will text soon x

Este theres nothing you should be apologising for

Losing my nan was one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through

I’m never more than a text away, just remember that xx

Congrats on the new song too, you can imagine I relate to it a bit. Lol

After those few messages, Matty stopped hearing from her. They gave him a bit of hope, so Este’s radio silence hurt him a little bit more the second time around. He gave up reaching out after just over a month of no responses. Once in a while he would send a text to Cate, just to snuff his fear of something worse going on, and she assured him that she was alive. Not necessarily ‘good’, but alive. Matty guessed that it was a sufficient response and eventually stopped pestering.

It felt odd to mix the song he wrote about her in the studio while they weren’t even in contact. With it only running for a couple of seconds more than two minutes, they didn’t spend an overwhelming amount of time on it. But, as Matty listened back to his buried vocals that sang the lyrics he wrote about Este and their short bursts of memories between dragging months apart, he couldn’t help but yearn for her.

He liked that the song was so short, and that the lyrics were hard to pick apart. It felt like a little moment. The final line, ‘Will you stay or wait?’ repeated through Matty’s head as they perfected the song’s shoe-gazey production, booming in his chest through its painful relevance.

When they reached America for their final leg of tour that year, her name was sketched into Matty’s ear whenever they performed I Couldn’t Be More In Love. But what about these feelings I’ve got, he thought—too literally.

He would meet a fan that had a dimple and would think of her. Or one that had a septum piercing. And think of her if he ever drove past a small book shop.

Then, inevitably, Matty could feel the brightest element of his life slowly dim to darkness—fading into a fleeting moment of his past. But the memory stayed, along with a small glimmer of hope. And he knew he’d be at her feet the minute Este wanted him there again.

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#matty healy #the 1975 #matty healy fanfiction #matty healy x oc #the 1975 fanfiction #matty healy fic #tbsg

[iuteamstarcandy]

[INTERVIEW] CeCi (November 2013)

-Return of the Queen- The queen on stage is back. Not as a girl, but as a musician, with music different from others, more mature thoughts and with the name IU who is in her 5th year since her debut.

There are only a few days left to your comeback with your third full-length album, Modern Times’. How do you feel? (The interview was held on 2 October 2013.)

IU: I was fine until yesterday, but I just came back from a meeting for KBS Sketchbook and it suddenly feels very real. I think it's because it's my favorite stage and I want to work harder on it.

Does your heart feel heavy or are you excited?

IU: My heart feels so heavy. I've been controlling my diet for a few days ahead of my comeback, but I kept eating because I was on a roll today. After going on a food tour of tteokbokki, stir-fried spicy pork and stir-fried kimchi, I met (Yoo) In-na unnie at a cafe and we had cake, mixed grains latte and sweet potato latte. I really eat a lot. Sigh, I still have a photoshoot tomorrow, so I'm carrying a lot of guilt on my back right now. Later, I'm going to go to the practice room to relieve my sweat and guilt. (Laughs) I think I'm going to get more nervous every minute from this moment.

I didn’t expect you to be the type to get nervous before your comeback.

IU: I don’t really get nervous usually. However, the choreography of the comeback song ‘The Red Shoes’ is strong and the difficulty level of acting with my expressions is high. There is also the pressure of having to do many things that I have never tried before. Also, until just a year ago, I’m not the kind to get fat easily, but recently, I suddenly started to gain weight, which does make me worry. Looking back, perhaps that period was a rare exception instead though. I was always chubby, but I lost a lot of weight during the two years of ‘Good Day’ and ‘YOU&I’. At that time, no matter how much I ate for supper or stuffed myself, I was losing weight and I was stressed out to hear people call me ‘pitiful’, ‘starved’, or ‘elementary school student’, but now that I'm gaining weight, I wonder what’s going on. (Laughs) I started working out early this year, and I think I'm returning to my normal condition because my body is healthy. I don't know if it's something to feel sad or happy about.

I was surprised to hear that you're on a diet. You have a slim figure. Is it because as an artist, you want to be in the best condition before your comeback?

IU: Thankfully, I still benefit from the image of ‘IU is skinny’. But I’ve put on about 5kg more. (Laughs) If you take away the happiness from eating, you lose happiness, you know. Honestly, if I didn’t gain weight on my face, I don't think I'll ever be on a diet. I'm the type to gain weight starting from my face, so it's hard.

The <Modern Times> teaser was a hot topic. I thought the words ‘sexy’, ‘chic’, and ‘intense’ were far from the previous image of IU.

IU: I kept laughing during the shoot too. (Interviewer: It was funny?) There was no time for me to feel awkward because I was trying something I had never done before. It felt like I was acting as a certain character. I guess I just laughed when I saw someone I didn’t recognise standing in the mirror looking back at me. I kept asking the staff, ‘Is this good? It’s good? kekeke’ and tried my best to do as I was told. Seeing the reactions of people afterwards, some people liked it and some people felt that it was unfamiliar and got flustered, saying it doesn't suit me. The gap between the reactions was actually quite interesting.

I realized from your changing image that IU's ‘coming-of-age ceremony’ has started. You've had a big transformation.

IU: This time, people in each department of the company tried out new things and experimented freely. If I wanted to give it the grand name of a ‘coming-of-age ceremony’, I would have put more effort into it. Every teaser released has a different mood to it. ‘If I throw in multiple things, one of them would make it, right? It doesn't matter if none of them do, since we're having fun and the music is good.’ That's what I thought, so there isn’t any deep significance to the teasers.

People tried to interpret the change. Like it was supposed to be some kind of secret code.

IU: That was a trick, too. I wanted to draw attention and end it with good music anyway. The performance actually isn't exactly unconventional. I'm just going to perform with as much fun as possible and while working as hard as I can.

When it comes to making a choice, you gain something and you lose something. There will be people who want to stick to the existing image of IU.

IU: I don’t enjoy transforming, but I wasn’t nervous about it either. When it was revealed, I thought everyone would be like, ‘What’s this~ hahaha’ I thought it would be fun for everyone. If someone started laughing first, I would have laughed along while saying, ‘Is it possible for me to be sexy~?" It’s a relief that I didn’t become a joke, but kind of a pity too. My fans all gather because they like IU, but they are individuals, so they have different opinions. The reason they like me and the way they look at me are all different. It's hard for me when I talk to my fans too. I can't satisfy everyone perfectly, because everyone has different preferences. I feel especially apologetic towards those who like the cuteness or slyness that I showed in ‘YOU&I’ to the extreme, but I feel that it's time for me to embrace people with different preferences. I think celebrities should also know how to change little by little or transform deeply to satisfy people with other preferences. My fans know. Even the ‘girly’ look I have on stage isn't my real self.

Since you are a musician and a celebrity after all, do you want to become a different character each time to express your songs to the best you can and expand your image by showing that you can perform different types of songs?

IU: That's right. That’s the ideal celebrity, right?

If you are afraid of taking on a challenge, it will be difficult to expand your world of music.

IU: When it comes to my outer appearance, it's entirely up to my company, so that’s how I’m shifting the blame. (Laughs)

That’s unexpected. I thought you would be passionately arguing your way when it comes to music.

IU: When we’re recording songs, my opinion becomes stronger. I totally can't stand songs that I don't like being put on my album. Yet when it comes to things like the visual concept, which is outside of the music itself, there’s nothing I know about it, so I follow my company’s opinion. So if the reactions about things other than the music is not good, it’s like my ego leaves my body and I can pretend not to be myself and laugh along with others while pointing fingers at myself. Since it wasn’t my choice. (Laughs)

Thanks to the fact that you can objectify yourself, your can maintain a healthy mental state. The idea of borrowing from Charlie Chaplin's movie ‘Modern Times’ was also interesting. It was made into a silent film in 1936, during the 10th anniversary of movies with sound, and it was a work that encompassed the present and the past. In that sense, working with musicians like Choi Baek-ho and Yang Hee-eun becomes meaningful.

IU: The theme that my company wanted to included in the album since early on was the integration of the past and the present generations. In my previous album [t/n: Last Fantasy], I worked with Kim Kwang-jin, Yoon Jong-shin, Yoon Sang, Kim Hyun-chul, Lee Juck and Jung Jae-hyung, who are musicians representative of the 1980s and 90s. I also liked the analog emotions of that time period. I was really happy when we decided to collaborate with Choi Baek-ho and Yang Hee-eun, whom I respect a lot, in this album. In this way, I can work with people I respect under the concept of generational harmony? Oh yeah! Our company is the best! (Laughs) It sounds grand, but generational integration is great. I don't know if I will be able to achieve that.

It must have been such a meaningful project for you to be able to work with Choi Baek-ho and Yang Hee-eun, whom you respect.

IU: I learned a lot from them. When I looked up to the sky as someone so much their junior, I would only be able to see under their chin. I haven't even seen their eyes, nose and mouth yet. But even seeing under their chin was amazing.

Specifically, what was amazing about it?

IU: Choi Baek-ho was very passionate. During the recording, he went, ‘I’m sorry. I'll do it again.’ From my point of view, how could it be even more perfect than what I was hearing? I was so touched every time that it made my jaw drop. ‘IU-ssi, I really like your songs.‘ (t/n: in formal tone) He treated me with respect and I was so humbled that I felt like I was flying. If he spoke informally, I would have been happy thinking that we got closer. But it was like he respected a little baby like me. Not only do I respect him as a senior singer, I also felt a sense of awe towards such a wonderful adult. Yang Hee-eun is also very charismatic. I only felt frustrated, thinking that I failed, during the whole 3 minutes while I listened to the completed song, ‘Daydream'. My voice sounds so pathetic after seonsaengnim (teacher)’s voice. I was so shocked that my heart was in tatters. I know that I can't sing better than that even if I record the song again. That's the level of my skill. The depth of the song itself when we sing is different.

It seems that you've learned a lot.

IU: After the recording session, I received a heartwarming text message from Yang Hee-eun-seonsaengnim, saying, ‘I wish I could have put more sincerity in my voice.’ Actually, I don't know what sincerity is yet. I try hard to sing the song so that the composer, the lyricist and I, myself, will like it, but I don't think that's sincerity (t/n: authenticity). If I can sing like seonsaengnim, I want to try and be enlightened in that aspect.

Is that an answer that can only be found after you reach seonsaengnim’s age?

IU: No matter how long it takes, if you can find that depth, it's definitely a huge success. It’s conceited of me to try and compare my voice with seonsaengnim’s voice right now, but the difference is beyond the sky and the ground. It’s as enormous as the difference between the faraway ozone layer and the underground core of the Earth.

There are so many seniors who praised you. In particular, I remember Insooni saying, ‘Little baby, what's inside you?’ Compliments can even make whales dance, right?

IU: Of course, I think she was trying to encourage her junior. It’s scary if she really meant it. I'm afraid I’ll get caught and my real skill level will show, so I'm very scared of the moment that she’ll be disappointed when she finds out. I want to quickly improve my skills before I get caught.

Just like how she is curious about you, I wonder what words you would use to describe yourself?

IU: I think I have a high level of concentration within a short span of time. However, my concentration passes like a jet ski, so I can't stay awesome for more than a minute. I guess I was born as a human customised to cram things (t/n: within a short timeframe). There are also many foods that make me go out of my mind. I have a lot of loopholes. Also, I'm constantly hard on myself because I don't trust myself. I actually don't know what kind of kid I am. I change 120 times a day. I wonder what my real self is and whether someone has true colours. I'm different in front of my mom, brother and my friend. Depending on the situation, although I live through all those moments as who I really am, they're not all the same.

You wrote your own self composition, ‘Bad Day’, as a follow-up to ‘Good Day’. I watched the concert video and it was good.

IU: It was a song I wrote in my 3rd grade of middle school. I forgot about it for awhile and when I was wondering whether there was anything new I could perform at my concert, I pulled it out again. It was a very lonely time for me because I was a trainee back then. When someone treated me warmly with kindness, I felt like I've been twisted into inferiority and became colder on my own. It's like that when people are being foolish.

It's a stormy adolescence that everyone goes through right?

IU: I’m still like that once in awhile nowadays though. I don't like myself, so I don’t like other people either. I see everything in the world in a twisted way and lose my motivation. I ride that roller coaster once in a while.

It's okay as long as you can step on the ground and go up on your own (t/n: succeed with your own abilities).

IU: That’s right. Fortunately, I think that's why when I write songs, my emotions get expressed.

Thanks to your rollercoaster-like emotions, the lyrics must be quite dynamic.

IU: I started writing in a diary because of my loneliness when I was in middle school and I was a trainee. I still write everyday. If I don't have it with me, I have to at least type down a line on my phone to feel at ease. I feel like the day disappears when I fall asleep without writing a diary entry. It's very funny when I look at my old diaries. I could see my past, times when I was really pathetic and pitiful and moments that I thought were lovely. It's secretive and interesting.

In the lyrics of 'Everyone has Secrets’, the line ‘the truth isn’t important to people' left an impression on me. I wondered if it was something I felt in the commotion such as when a rumor news site caught you this time watching a movie with a friend, actor Lee Hyun-woo.

IU: It is something that everyone can relate to. ‘Everyone has secrets. How much do you really know about me?’ That’s what the song is about. When I sing the lyrics now, I think I would make them more powerful. "Did he write the song because of this?" or "Did he write the song for that reason?" I’ll have a lot more stories and better focus. I have no reason to oppose the effect that the lyricist wanted.

The title of ‘Love of B’, with lyrics that you wrote, was also interesting. Anyone can be ‘B’ (t/n: the one who tries harder) in a relationship, but it's a sad thing to hear from a 21-year-old woman.

IU: The one who gives more love will feel that he/she is in the position of ‘B’. In a relationship, it's best to be equal without ‘A’ and ‘B’. Everyone can't always be ‘B’ or always be ‘A’. One year later, the positions could be reversed. You can't be ‘A’ in every relationship either. But if you think about it, I don't think it's a bad thing for ‘B’ either. Of course, loving more can make you feel unfair and upset, but you’re experiencing the maximum feelings of love. There is a happiness that you are filled with by giving love. ‘A’ can't receive as much happiness from receiving the love that ‘B’ gives. When my fans heard the title, they expected it to be a very sad ballad. But the lyrics turned out to be childish and delightful. Someone wrote in a one-line review of the teaser, ‘I thought I was going to be hit and end up crying, but the slap flew away.‘ (t/n: The reviewer thought he/she was going to receive a great impact from the sad song, but it turned out not to be a sad song at all.) It’s a coarse expression, but it was a witty expression that explained the gap between the title and the lyrics.

It’s already your 5th year anniversary since your debut. How have you grown as IU or as a woman, Lee Ji-eun?

IU: I have a slightly higher self-esteem now. But compared to the others, I still seem to be lacking. (Interviewer: Why would you say so?) No matter how much people may belittle me, it can’t be worse than me belittling myself. That’s one thing I’m certain about. You could call it a complex, but on the other hand, because of that, I don’t become conceited, so that’s a good thing, right? It’s paradoxical, but I like the way I am. There are many fools who don’t realize they are fools. Whenever I meet such people, I feel really frustrated. Even if I call them a fool, they don’t realize that they are one. Anyhow, I’m a fool who knows I’m one, so it’s fine. Of course, it’s best to not do foolish things even though I know I’m a fool, but I think this is good enough.

In these 5 years, you’ve realized who you are. Isn’t that splendid?

IU: Also, there are many people who have come to love that side of me. In the last few days, I’ve heard from about 10 people that ‘I’m glad I’m a fool who knows you’re a fool.’ (Laughs)

That sounds like something people very close to you would tell you.

IU: Of course, I won’t show everyone that I’m a fool, but I’m very open in front of people I’m close to. 'I'm a fool, so please be understanding. My friend, you're a fool just like me.' (Laughs) Once we both admit that we're fools, it's a lot easier. Those who don’t know they are fools have a hard time, as they are always afraid of being caught messing up.

Does that bother you?

IU: I’m always feeling anxious. Even when I’m doing interviews like this. I might have a completely different opinion tomorrow. Recently, instead of ‘Yeah, that’s right’, I’ve been replying with stuff like ‘Yeah, I think so.’ I used to see that as being silly. ‘I think my name is Lee Ji-eun.’ I mean, what else could it be? But that’s actually being wise. The next day I might suddenly think, as if I had switched bodies, ‘Come to think of it, I’m not such a fool after all.’ If I go this and that, it’s like this or like that and end it like that, I’ll have to live with the responsibility of what I said. So from now on, I’m going to live with open endings. (Laughs)

Behind the Scenes

21-year-old IU did her cover photoshoot for 6 hours over a span of two days and a 1 hr 4 min 4 sec interview. The last question of the interview was, if the phrase ‘IU-ly’ appeared in the dictionary, what kind of definition would it have? "Someone might see me as a fool, or as a vixen. Each pair of eyes sees me in a different way. It’s just that currently from this viewpoint, I think I’m a fool who has a lot on her mind. That’s the way I see myself." The way IU smiles after she carefully considers and gives her response is really pretty. Just like she says, there are really many fools in the world. It’s unusual to find intelligent fools who admit that they are fools. This is an engine that will continue to be loved by many for a long time. A decent child, a cool person. Without a doubt, such a person will continue to shine brightly for a long time no matter what she does.

Translated by IUteamstarcandy

Source: [1]

#IU #ceci #nov 2013 #magazine interview

[strangerthingslover69]

Your Russian Professor ~ part 3

18+ minors do not read!

Warnings ~ swearing, drinking, smut ~

In class the next day you found it hard to concentrate on your Professor talking. Remembering yesterdays conversation, how close you were to one another, his voice in your ear. God you were horny in the middle of class. It didn’t help by how much Dmitri talked with his hands. You were hypnotised by his hands. They were large and he moved them so carefully. You imagined what those fingers could do to you. How they would feel holding your hand down as he rammed himself into you. How they would feel inside of you knowing he could hit the places you couldn’t. Your thoughts were cut short’ ‘Y/N, what is answer to number four?’ Dmitri asked. Shit you weren’t listening. ‘I-I erm’ Dmitri walked over to you. ‘Were you even listening to me?’ He lowered himself and looked down on you. His hands leaning across your desk. Damn those hands. ‘S-sorry sir’ you looked down not daring to look up. ‘See me after class please’ he said walking off. You nodded. You wondered what had happened for his demeanour to change

You waited for everyone to leave before you left your desk. You walked over slowly approaching you professor. ‘You wanted to see me?’ You said in a small voice. He looked up at you with a disappointed face. ‘Y/N, why are you not paying attention in my class? Do you not want to learn?’ He asks you raising his eyebrows. You take a step closer to his desk. ‘I do! I’m sorry. I just get distracted. I don’t mean to. I promise I’ll listen better Sir.’ You say sadly looking at your shoes. He stands up from his chair and leans across the desk lifting you chin up so you can look at him. His touch makes you gasp. He quickly moves it away and sighs, ‘I marked your assignment already. It was very good. You did well. I need to do to do that in class too. I’m sure whatever has you distracted you can leave it. No?’ He says to you. All you can do is nod. ‘Since I already marked your assignment you can go. I have to be somewhere tonight’ he tells you. You try not to show your disappointment as your shoulders slump down ‘Okay. I’ll see you Monday sir. Good night’ you leave feeling sad. He was so different to you yesterday. What had you done wrong? Where did he need to be? You decided to push those thoughts away, he had clearly changed his mind about you. Walking to your dorm you bump into some others from your Russian class. You haven’t really got close to anyone but still make small talk. They invite you to a party someone is throwing and with the day you’ve had you think fuck it and agree to go. You needed to forget about your professor. He clearly forgotten about you

Dmitri didn’t have any plans, he ended up staying and marking the work from that day and the rest of the assignments. But he was a stuck with his mind battling itself. ‘It was the right thing to do. She’s too young. Your her professor. But why did she have to call you sir! Why did she have to wear a cute blue dress today that he could see your nipples poking through.’ His dick strained in his jeans. After you left yesterday his boss was telling him how well he was doing and praised how much time he gives his students. She was proud of him. He felt happiness to hear this but guilt as the thoughts he’d been having about you. You both shared such an intense intimate moment yesterday. He loved his job and didn’t want to lose it. After his phone call with you and how he touched himself he decided there to push any thoughts and feelings away. He needed to treat you the same way. He did feel guilty leading you on. You looked so sad when you were leaving but it was the right thing to do.

You browse your wardrobe looking for something to wear. You wanted to look hot. You wanted someone to want you. You needed to fuck to forget. You’re not a whore but you were gonna act like one. ‘Perfect!’ You say pulling out a dress hiding away. Normally you wouldn’t dare such a thing but the way you were feeling you didn’t care. You looked at your self in the mirror. You look hot. Your dress was black and hung around your curves in the right places. It sat comfortably under your ass cheeks, if you bent down you’d definitely be able to see the black lacy thong you wore. It was low cut showing a very good amount of cleavage. It didn’t leave too much imagination. You did light make up. Eye liner, mascara and a dark red lip. You wore your hair down so it flowed loose and curly. You added some accessories of a cute blue ring -matches your professors eyes you thought, you quickly push those thoughts away - a choker and some thin black tights. You were not a fan of heels so wore you black laced boots. You were ready. A girl from your class called Hannah came to your door to walk you to the party. Before leaving you both had a couple of shots for courage. ‘Can I just say Y/N you look incredible!’ She says as you walk down the halls. ‘Thank you! So do you!’ She did. She looked lovely. Hannah wore a black dress too but longer than yours covering her chest. You felt rather exposed but you gave up caring. You entered the dorm room, it was pretty full. Technically no parties or drinking were allowed on campus but you didn’t care and neither did anyone else. You and Hannah squeezed your way into the room finding the closet alcohol you could get your hands on. There were plenty of cute and single boys here. And you knew some eyes were most definitely on you. You drank and you danced with Hannah for the start of the night but she got with someone, a girl to your surprise no judgment at all. As you carried on drinking from your cup you felt someone’s hand come onto your hip. ‘Hey there baby’ he whispered in your ear. You turn to face him and my oh my he was hot. ‘Hey there yourself pretty boy’ you reply, the alcohol definitely giving you courage. ‘What’s a pretty girl like you dancing all alone?’ He asks, his hand roaming further down near your ass. Your bodies pressing more closely to one another. ‘I was waiting for you’ -cringe- ‘The names Billy.‘ he says squeezing your ass. Making you squirm with excitement. ‘Y/N. Nice to meet you Billy’ you slur to him. ‘Y/N, wanna dance?’ He asks spinning you so your back is pressed against his chest again. ‘I’d love to’ you reply as you begin ‘dancing’ with one another.

Dmitri puts down his pen and stretches up. ‘Ну наконец то’ (finally) All work is marked up to date and assignments graded. He looked at his watch 10:45, it took him longer than he expected. Some of the wording was hard to read as they butchered his beautiful language. He gathered his things and locked the classroom door exiting the building ready to go to his car and finally go home. As he was making his way to his car he heard a gaggle of students outside, clearly drunk. He sighed making his way over. ‘Okay guys c’mon it’s past curfew. Time to go!’ He said moving them away. One protested, ‘C’mon professor! The parties still go- ow!’ They shout as one of their friends hits them. ‘Party? Where is this party?’

Billy and you were still ‘dancing’ okay so he was basically grinding his dick into your ass. You could feel the outline of his dick. ‘Baby you are so hot’ he whispers into your ear, his lips starting to move down to kiss your neck. Making you moan. No one can hear as the musics too loud and no one cares. Everyone including you is wasted. His hands start to slowly roam down your body. Stopping at the bottom of your dress. His hand creeping it’s way under when you hear a familiar voice shouting. ‘вечеринки закончились!’ He shouts over the music. No one knows what he’s saying not just because you’re all wasted. ‘I said PARTIES OVER. C’mon out. Unless you all want to be kicked off your course. GO!’ He cuts the music off. Some party goers leave right away, ‘I will be informing the head of year about this!’ He shouts as he makes his way into the room more to heard students away. He stops when he sees you. His eyes look you up and down. He thinks how sexy you look in that tight dress. You’re too drunk to tell but you think he’s angry. You forgot Billy was on you till he whispers, ‘wanna take this back to mine?’ You stand there frozen unable to move, you let out a nervous giggle and this brings Dmitri over. ‘Ahh Mr Hargrove. I believe you are on your last warning already with your professor no? I suggest you leave right now before I make a call to your parents letting them know about how you spend your time, no?’ Billy’s hand move off you and he moves back, ‘fuck. Don’t my old man will not be happy, please don’t’ Billy is pleading with Dmitri. ‘Go now and I will forget about this.’ Dmitri snarls. Billy exits without looking back at you. Dmitri watches him leave and turns to you, ‘Y/N. How disappointing.’ He says folding his arms. You have drank so much that you can’t help but giggle. ‘I-I’m sorry sir. - your feeling very brave as you take a step closer to him resting a hand on his chest - ‘I’m a naughty girl’ you say biting your lip. Not everyone has left yet so they give you some questionable stares. Dmitri notices and removes your hand off him, ‘you are drunk. Too drunk. I am tired. Too tired for this дерьмо (shit) Go back to your dorm room. Now’ he says with a serious look. ‘Can you help me there sir? I’m very drunk and *hiccup* don’t think I can make it there by *hiccup* myself.’ You slur your words and give him a smile. Dmitri rubs his eyes and let’s out a heavy breath. He knows he can’t leave you like this. ‘черт возьми’ (for fuck sake) he mutters under his breath. ‘Come on Y/N. Let’s get you back.’ He says. You smile eager as you follow him out.

‘Where is your room?’ He asks turning around. Only you’re not there. You’re on the floor, you’ve lost your balance and fallen over. You’re just laid on there laughing. Everyone had left now so it’s just you and Dmitri. ‘Seriously?’ He asks with his hands on his hips. ‘S-sorry sssir! The floor tripped me *hiccup* up’ you say attempting to get yourself up. You fail. Dmitri sighs as he leans down to help you. Your dress has lifted up and exposing your barely covered ass. You don’t notice but Dmitri certainly does. He finds it a challenge not to look. He helps you up and you instantly hook your arm around his. He moves your dress down for you. He wants to touch it so bad. ‘I-it’s just down the hall and and to the *hiccup* left’ you say giving direction to Dmitri. ‘I’m surprised you remember your way, you’ve clearly had too much’ Dmitri says harshly at you. ‘Well, w-why the fuck not! *hiccup* you you wanna know why? Why *hiccup* I drank?’ You say stopping your tracks and pointing him in the chest. He turns to you quizzically. ‘You. You professor A-Antonov. You are why!’ you say sadly stumbling off you your room. Dmitri is quick behind you. He reaches for you and pulls your wrist turning you around. ‘Me? What the hell did I do?!’ You move away rolling you eyes. You fumble in your bra, Dmitri looking down at your chest gulping. You pull out your key and go unlock your door. Making your way through your room before plonking heavily down on your bed. Dmitri follows you in locking the door behind. ‘You. You confused me! Y-you flirted with me. Y-ou almost touched me for Christ sake!’ You sit up saying it loudly l than you meant. He rushed over convering your mouth with his hand. You look up into his eyes, they are such a pretty blue. Your eyes are wet from being upset as you try not to cry. ‘I am sorry. I did not mean to hurt or upset you Y/N’ Dmitri says genuinely to you. He removes his hand and sits next to you. ‘Professor- I know I haven’t known you long *hiccup* time but I l-like you. I want you. I can’t stop thinking about you *hiccup* your my distraction. - still very drunk you are feeling more brave. You put your hand on his thigh moving it up and down. You can see him visibly gulping. ‘It’s so hard to concentrate when you wear those tight shirts and trousers.’ You hand goes higher near his growing erection. ‘I can’t help but imagine the things you’d do to me with those hands. They are so big, i bet they-‘ your voice is cut off by someone knocking on your door. ‘Y/N?’ You hear Billy’s voice. He tried the door handle, thank god Dmitri locked it. ‘C’mon baby, the commies gone now. Let me in’ he says through your door. You see Dmitri’s hand turning into a fist. His nostrils flaring.

Before he knows what he’s doing he’s pushing you back in to the bed climbing on top of you. Your head spins as he pushes you down. Dmitri’s eyes are filled with something you’ve not see before. He lowers himself to your bottom half spreading your legs open. ‘Блядь’ (fuck) he mutters to himself. He pushes your dress up and rips your thong off throwing it on the floor. You gasp taken by surprise if his actions. He looks up at you, ‘Y/N here is what’s going to happen. I am going to eat this perfect little pussy and you are going to be as quiet as a mouse. You don’t want your ‘friend’ to hear you, no?’ He whispers. You shake your head. ‘хорошая девочка’ (good girl) You don’t know what he’s says but it sends shivers everywhere. Dmitri latches onto your clit straight away knowing exactly where it is. You cover your mouth quickly to hide your moan. Billy knocks again, ‘I know you want me baby. I know you want my dick in that pussy’. Hearing him say this Dmitri gets angry. He latched his lips more intensely around you clit, sucking up your arousal. Without warning he plunges two fingers into your aching hole pumping them in and out hard. You can’t help but let a moan slip. Dmitri moves his mouth off your clit. ‘What did I say? тихая девушка’ (quiet girl) you sit up slightly peeling your dress off and bite down on it to hide your moans. Dmitri takes in your beautiful body. He must have you. Even if it means loosing his job. He goes back licking your clit in the figure eight making your hips buck up. He adds his pinky into your ass and fucks you with as well as adding another finger in your pussy. You were in fucking heaven. Billy still knocking not giving up. ‘Open up you whore!’ He shouts. Dmitri detaches from your clit but continues fucking your pussy and ass. ‘Okay Y/N. Show him how much of a whore you are then. Moan.’ Dmitri commands. You rip your dress out of your mouth and moan loudly as Dmitri’s tongue goes back on your throbbing bud. He’s eating you like a starved man. Licking, sucking and biting. You’ve never had such an experience. You hear louder knocks on the door but your too focused on the way you feel to notice. ‘Fuck fuck fuck s-so close daddy!’ Dmitri moans into your pussy as you say daddy. The extra vibration sending you over the edge. Your orgasm explodes and you cum all over Dmitri’s mouth and fingers. ‘You fucking bitch!’ Billy kicks the door and you hear him leave. As you come down from quite possibly the most amazing orgasm you have ever had Dmitri slowly pulls out his fingers and kisses your wet pussy before crawling on top of you. ‘How was that красивая?’ (Beautiful) ‘удивительно’ (amazing) you reply. ‘Ahh very good Y/N. Good pronunciation.’ Dmitri says with a smile.

You look at one another for a minute before you speak. ‘Will you stay the night?’ You ask quietly, you know he’ll say no but you just want to fall asleep in his arms. Dmitri is torn. He would love to but also knows if he’s caught you will both be in trouble. You move closer to Dmitri’s face, you can smell yourself on his breath. You go in for a kiss. Just a soft one. It takes him by surprise. Even though his face and fingers have been on your pussy this somehow feels more intimate. You pull back sighing as he didn’t kiss you back. Dmitri leans down and pulls you in for a kiss much more passionate than yours, tongues intwining with one another. It leaves you breathless and gives you butterflies. You can’t help but whimper into him. ‘I need you inside of me’ you whisper. ‘Y/N as much as I’d love that you are drunk. I want our first time to be.. -he’s looking for the right word - ‘особенный’ (special) You look at him and ask, ‘what does that mean?’ ‘I will tell you on Monday. Can be one of our key words.’ He tells you and you can’t help but smile. ‘Will you stay Dmitri?’ You asks one last time. Fuck it. ‘I will stay.’ Dmitri replies with a smile. You pull him in for another kiss. ‘C’mon you need to sleep’ Dmitri says as he gets off you. He helps you up off the covers, you go to the bathroom and wash your make up off. You shimmy your bra off and pull your boots off almost falling over in the process. You brush your teeth and go back into your room. Dmitri is already in your bed waiting. ‘Блядь’ (fuck) he whispers as you crawl in next to him. ‘You are truly beautiful’ he says as you nuzzle into his bare chest. ‘Goodnight Dmitri’ you say with a yawn. ‘Good night Y/N’. You fall asleep straight away on Dmitri snoring lightly. Dmitri however has a lot of things on his mind. The main one right now is the fact your naked next to him. He goes as hard as a rock. It doesn’t help you move around a lot. Your leg draped over his, feeling your bare pussy on his thigh and your bare chest next to his. Dmitri knew he was going to be in a shit ton of trouble if anyone found out but he couldn’t stop it. He was falling for you. You were falling for him too

#stranger things #stranger things smut #dmitri antonov fanfic #dmitri stranger things #dmitri antonov x reader #dmitri antonov #proffesor antonov #smut #billy hargrove #angst #enzo x reader #enzo stranger things

[killemwithkawaii]

Goretober 2022 Day 32: Soulmates (pt. 2)

[Major tw, see tags]

I woke up this morning to sunlight shining through the curtains, feeling groggy, and really, really stiff.

I’d slept heavily, but it hadn’t been at all restful. I’m so tired… I must have been dreaming, tossing and turning all night, and with how much my back and jaw and throat aches, I’d probably slept wrong, and with my mouth open….

I tried to remember what I’d been dreaming of. It seemed important, but all the details slipped away like liquid through my grasp… I remembered hope, sadness… giddiness, fear… feeling sicker than I ever had… an intense pleasure… being frustrated, at my wits end… forgiveness, acceptance, isolation, longing… having an epiphany, something about a betrayal… unclenching my fist, being cold, running around in circles… jealousy, satisfaction… this weird combination of relief and regret, like I’d scratched an itch I hadn’t been able to reach for ages, and when I did, it felt so good, I just kept going to the point of scratching it raw…  but mostly, I remembered something hearty and tender going down my throat. It went down so easily, it was almost like it had crawled in my mouth and slid down on its own. I could still taste it- sweet, and soft. Warm, comforting… familiar… 

I bit off a chunk, chewed it, and gulped it down. I felt so full, I was tempted to flop onto my pillow so I could sleep it off.

…….

….When did I sit up?

Slowly, the sweet taste coating my mouth gave way to something rich, and savory, and metallic. There was something stringy wedged between my front teeth, and bits of something chewy stuck in the crevices of my molars, which I tried to suck out, but could not get to budge....

 My face felt weighted, heavy with something caked onto my chin and nose and cheeks. My lips were so sticky, I had to stick my tongue through to part them. I’d drooled in my sleep, I thought, and went to wipe it away with my wrist, but found I’d only added onto what was already there....

My eyes gave resistance to opening, too, crusted and sore from sleeping for so long. I blinked hard to clear the blur, and saw that my wrist and hand and arm were covered in a new layer of pigment, flaking in some places, wet in others. My shirt and my hair clung to the rest of me, sweaty, stinking, moist and red, the bedspread beneath my shins in a similar state. 

A nosebleed, a bitten tongue, a split lip, I thought- no, there is too much. Much too much for a superficial wound. Much too much to be mine...

Beside me, a weight, a heap- sharp, yet soft, warm, yet cold. Stained bones, some gnawed and stripped bare, others broken open and hollowed, as if they were shells that had been sucked clean, and one or two still encased in raw meat, glistening with blood and marbled with fat, torn and chewed with rough edges. A ribcage, a pelvis, a spine, a skull, hollow save for scraps, and a single, smooth piece of blue glass….

 I stared at it, trying to make sense of the scene, until I caught a glimpse of my own hands, and the hand they held within them-  four-fingered, now that the pinkie had been reduced to a stump, large, blocky, calloused on the pads, speckled with rows of faded scars, and tattooed on the wrist with my name in a heart….

Another dream, I thought. A dream, just a dream, a horrible, horrible nightmare…. 

It’s alright. I don’t need to worry. Everything is going to be okay. I’ll wake up, any time now, and it'll be like none of this ever happened.

 Once I wake up, we’ll be together, in this bed, and he’ll be in my arms, or pressed against my back, and we’ll have slept in, just like we’d said we would when we’d laid down together and kissed each other goodnight before we turned out the lights yesterday. 

Today is the first day of our third honeymoon. I am staying home so that I can spend time with my soulmate, Sally. He came a long way to see me, and now, It’s going to be just the two of us, together, in our happy, normal home with a happy, normal life for the rest of the month. I am so, so excited, because today is our anniversary, October 1st. We’re going to have so much fun together. All I have to do now is wake up…

……

……

……

……

Wake up.

…… 

……

....................

Please, let me wake up…. 

....................

#goretober2022 #the staycation 🏡💙 #tw gore #tw corpse #tw cannibalism #tw death #tw injury #tw unsanitary #tw body horror #tw dismemberment #tw organs #tw torture #tw violence #tw yandere #tw delusion #meet the fishers

[kypossumlady]

All the feels today.

I hung out with Phoenix and rife the other day. It was nice to have friends that understand just being around each other is hanging out. They’re such good people. I love them.

I miss my other friends a lot. Life is busy and loud but I really wish I could have them close on days like today. I don’t talk to Alisha as much as I used to, so that’s a tough feeling. I know she’s a mom now and I know that she’s basically doing everything, so there’s no hate. Just sadness.

I told my parents about the new animals I bought, even tho I knew it would be a shit show. “How are you going to afford them? When are you going to stop?”

Showing the animals to them. “The hawks are going to eat them”

Telling them about the pig. “5! 5 pigs!!”

It’s always been like that. Their worries and constant negative comments weigh me down a lot. I know I have a lot of animals. I see that. I also see that they’re taken care of and happy. (I need to trim hooves tho and no one here will help lol). I will always say my parents raised me the best they knew how but their undiagnosed mental shit fucked me up in more ways than they realize. My anxiety was planted by them, tended to, watered, and nurtured by them my whole life. And then I hear “what are you anxious about? Other people have it worse. Look at the bright side”

Tony struggles with his mental illness too. I’m having a hard time being useful, or at least feeling like it. So I just clean and take care of the animals. It isn’t his fault but I get really sad when I’m feeling happy and talkative and he’s not. He needs his time to recharge and reset. It just feels like Deja vu. Suddenly I’m back in Lexington staring at Cody waiting to see if he was listening and then I’m disheartened when he’s not. He isn’t Cody. I know. It’s just hard to shake that feeling of being this big ass annoyance.

I just don’t know how to feel when I have all of this happy. I can’t handle it. I don’t want to hide it so I don’t. But I feel like I have to hide it unless everyone else is okay too. It’s just hard to not want to be happy when I’ve had so many intrusive and scary thoughts. I feel everything so intensely. It takes a big ass toll.

I’m just really sad tonight. I wish Tony would go to the aquarium with me and rife and p tomorrow. He doesn’t want to, and doesn’t want to really go to the dinner. He says it takes away from his ability to do stuff at the farm. He wasn’t feeling good yesterday and this morning. So I let him sleep and I did too. But he texted me at like 2p and asked why I didn’t come get him and why I let him sleep that long. He said he wasn’t mad at me about it, but he just felt frustrated that he lost a lot of the day. I wish when people said things like that to me, it makes me feel completely guilty for stuff that isn’t even my fault. I knoww it’s my trauma shit to work through but goddamn it. (Tony is amazing in every way. These small things will eventually be communicated).

I start my new job Monday. It’s not a lot of money so that’s a big stressor. But Tony says it’s okay because we can work it all out. So maybe we really can. I won’t have to pay gas as much. I just keep chewing on it over and over and over and

I also realize that angry yelling around me creates so much dread. I try to say something but I feel like it gets brushed off sometimes. I know it’s not at me. It’s just the volume.

Is any of this even valid lmao

I still have chores to do tonight. I have to rebox the bird babes, clean litterboxes, take laundry upstairs and sort, find clothes for tomorrow, take the dogs out. My gummy is kicking in so that will help.

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

8/8/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription

Jeremiah 4 - 6

Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological, I'm China, today is the 8th day of August,  Welcome. So glad to be here with you today as we come together around the global campfire. When we get to read The word of the Lord together, and maybe if you have felt a little Isolated  A little lonely. Understand that there are so many others who are listening right now with you, and maybe that brings you comfort and maybe you're like, Nope. Umm Which is to imagine that There's other people who are who are listening to the word of the Lord, and the Lord is speaking to you, He's speaking to me, and He's speaking to others that are listening, and he is uniting us all together. And his miraculous and amazing is that is may we be comforted knowing that we're not alone. We have the Holy Spirit With us, and we also have the assurance and the knowledge that, Umm, This community isn't small and there may be someone who's listening closer than you think, but. Also may just the comfort and peace of the Lord be with you and upon you and your home today. Today we continue the book of Jeremiah. We are in chapters 4 through 6. Continuing with the good news translation today or through the office week, and we're going to start with a call to repentance. It's a great place to start from where we left off yesterday.

 Commentary

Man that last little part really gets me. It is useless to go on refining my people because those who are evil or not taken away it will be called a worthless dross because I the Lord have rejected them. I I feel as like I have no skills in metal working or anything of this trade of sort, but for a material to be that needs constant refining. To just basically buy the Craftsman to be told this It's not doing what it's supposed to do. It's just it's better to throw this away. That's a great loss. And we're really hearing the Lord's heart throughout the book of Jeremiah. And it feels very weighting, it feels very intense and it is It's like when You know, you messed up. Or I guess really the Israelites are kind of still in denial here. But it is like that feeling of like, you know when you mess up and then you know someone is just letting you have it and you hear the heartbreak of what's going on and then you hear how they're.Gonna have to put up boundaries and how they're gonna have to, like, cut you off, basically. And there's that grief and that sadness in both people. And it's like, this is a breakup, this is heartbreak, and it is devastating and it's sad and it's awful. And so to read about this between the Lord And his people and calling them stupid and they don't know me and there's going to have to be a wiping out. I it's it's devastating to read that for sure. And yet we still see that the Lord is trying everything He possibly can to get His children, his people, his beloved, to turn back to him. 

Prayer

And so, God, I just pray that we would be a people who understand the Cause of our are though the weight of our actions, Lord. That we would be willing to understand that we are not a perfect people. We are not without blame. And I thank you, Lord, that your word is just calling these things to mine for us to be aware of, but also for us to take. Really, it's a good reminder to take action steps for our relationships. But our relationship with you That we would be a people who are not stubborn in our ways or in our hearts, but that we would just be willing to sit with you and your presence and say, Holy Spirit, would you show me the ways in the areas of my life that I need to be convicted and that need to change, That need to die, that need to grow, That need repentance. And may we sit in that and be parented through that or re parented and God, I just thank you that it's safe to trust you to do that. And so Lord, would we just enter into a time with you are we pray out our own prayers or journal on our own thoughts and just invite Holy Spirit to do what the Holy Spirit does, which is to comfort, see each exhort, honor, and to convict. And I pray that. And we would just be willing and whatever comes up, would that, would it not just be a quick process, but would it just be a a continued conversation with you today and for as long as you see that it needs to be. And it’s in your name we pray, Amen. 

Community Prayer Line

Good morning.Beautiful DABC Family, this is Christine, Pennsylvania. Just calling for God's butterfly. I I heard you this morning and I know exactly what you're going through. I had a mother-in-law similar. I'm unfortunately divorced. However, I have a neighbor who deals very rough with me and I feel like God was really talking to me to speak to you about this today. Umm, You have Jesus and he knows. He knows your heart. So he asks us to love other people, even our enemies, just as God loved us even when we were hostile toward him, we have to love and bless others and turn our other cheek. Umm So just keep that in mind and I know it's difficult, very difficult sometimes, but Just continue to pray for her, and maybe in a quiet moment, ask your husband or speak to your husband about how you know her, whatever she's doing makes you feel. And maybe have a, you know, a courageous conversation with her as well, explaining that you love her and you want to honor her and you want to respect her, but you need to you know the same as well. So just keep that in mind. I hope that encourages you on another side. I'd like to give a quick update on little Penelope. She's still in the NICU. She was re intubated or re ventilated because they had to do an MRI for possible definite mass in her nostril, which is causing her to struggle with breathing. So That added 8 to 12 weeks to her stay at NICU. So if we can just continue to pray for a little Penelope, I would really appreciate that and pray for my son and daughter-in-law as they struggle through this without Jesus. I just pray that they would see God's presence in in the blessings in all of this. Love You all, have a great day.

Hi DABC, This is Cynthia from Texas. I'm calling, First of all, my brother William had his treatment yesterday, so we're praying that that will work really well for his healing. But the main thing I'm calling for is my daughter, Alicia. And she's 11 months old and she's not gaining weight, so God has blessed us with the second baby. I'm pregnant.Um, but Alicia has not been really growing or gaining weight since I got pregnant about 4 1/2 months ago. So she's wearing six month size clothes and her percentile and weight has just plummeted and now she's 5th percentile. And the pediatricians getting concerned, Umm. And of course I'm getting concerned. So I'm asking for prayer for wisdom, for peace, and that she would gain weight and grow like she needs to and her body would get the nutrition it needs. Um, so yeah. Wisdom. I I'd really appreciate all of that. Thank you all so much. God bless.

Hello DABC, This is Aaron from Houston. I just have one major prayer request, and that is prayer for my brother in laws or my future brother-in-law 's mother who is right now in the hospital. She had a stroke and Is in a coma and has been for several days now. My understanding is that she's stable. But we're kind of now waiting and wondering, you know, when is she gonna wake up? And it's it's hard for bone for both my sister. As well as my future brother-in-law. So just be praying over her that that's really all there is to say about it. Be praying over her. Be praying for healing. Be praying for strength for them.And that they can still prepare for wedding and all that. Thank you very much.

Hey DABC family, it's Kerry, AKA Jesus Girl. I've got a couple requests today. First of all, a very dear friend and sister of mine has a teenage daughter named Maddie, Who has She's caught up in the lies of the devil and at this point she is extremely depressed. She is cutting herself. She is She has attempted suicide just within the last week and I'm just asking that you would please lift up Maddie to the Lord. I thank God that her mom, Ashley, is a praying Mama. And there are certainly those of us at church that are praying with her. But I'm just asking you as a community, would you please lift This girl up. Bring her before the throne, please. My other request is my daughter Ariel that I had called in for at the beginning of the year is due to have my grandbaby in a week and actually not even that long five days. And so I ask that you would pray for.Be safe and healthy delivery and I will be making the drive from Michigan to North Carolina completely by myself this time, which is the first time and I get road Verizon mesmerized and hypnotized and struggle to stay awake.So if you would cover us, my daughter.And myself in prayer. I would also appreciate it. I love you all so much. God bless you. Have a wonderful day. Bye. 

[julyofaugust]

Vignettes: String One

My face throbs, ever so slightly swollen and deeply flushed, a biological reflection of my deep state of frustration. “God help me, I may give up today.” Assumptions, I conclude, will be the death and doom of me. If it were welcomed by the unspoken rules of literature, I would dash my fingers across the keyboard and leave behind a trail of letters, asdfghjkl, foretold and concluded by nothing but the rage in my soul.

I am tired.

Yesterday’s sorrows and tomorrow’s joys pale in comparison with the heat that has now risen to the very lashline of my eyes. Suddenly, I understand the phrase, “eyes burning with rage.” It is, I now understand, a literal phrase as much as a metaphor.

Where did I stray? Let’s walk back to infancy.

My mother often complained to me during my childhood that I had been a difficult baby. I cried nightly, stopping only when she rocked me in a rickety little rocking chair. The moment she stopped rocking, even if she still held me, I’d burst back into tears. I needed the metronome-like motion. With my father, it was the beat of a drum, his heart, that lulled me to sleep. He would lay down on the shaggy carpet in the living room, place me on the left side of his chest, and together we would drift off to sleep.

I can’t help but think that even as an infant, I was desperate to be held in a steady, unending rhythm of love.

I’m walking now, grabbing onto everything as I make my way around the living room. I fall, giggle, and get back up. It’s a resilience that will stay with me, although the joyful spring in it rusts and breaks somewhere in my childhood.

My mother is exhausted, my father is breaking down putting bread on the table, and I find myself lost in the space in between it all. No longer the baby of the family, despised by my older sister for signifying the end of her 4-year reign as an only child, I whimper and reach out my hand. It grasps at empty air, and I feel myself begin to crumple into myself. An overly sensitive flower without enough sun, I’m not meant to survive in these conditions.

School somehow thrust itself upon me, and with it life’s chaos. Racist teachers and parents, my mother’s need for control now flaring, and the introduction of the concept of “being (un)cool.” I respond with a physical embodiment of my sadness: asthma.

Sure, it’s in the family. Sure, my mother worked in a factory producing car parts, often around powderized materials and chemicals. Sure, I was born in a bloodbath with my umbilical cord tied taut around my waist. (Clearly practicing fetal waist training in anticipation of patriarchal beauty expectations.) Sure, I had pneumonia at three years old.

And I also know that breathing felt laborious in a spiritual way as well. In ancient Chinese medicine, lung problems are thought to be strongly tied to sadness and depression. The vagus nerve runs through an opening in the diaphragm. This nerve is connected to the autonomous nervous system, the operator of our fight or flight (or freeze) impulses. Deep trauma can impede proper functioning of the vagus nerve, locking or entirely blocking the operation of those impulses.

I had trouble breathing. I also found it hard to smile.

I’m sobbing, trying to quietly release the waves that drown me from the inside out. My mother’s loud voice comes closer. I hear her look around the room, annoyed and impatient. The accordion-like closet door is pulled open. “Porque estas aqui? Ya deja de chillar. Ay.” She impatiently barks out a request, command, demand. I try to process the sudden burst of sunlight in my face, the loudness and intensity of her voice, and the palpable anger that seems to course through her waving arms and jutted hip. I’m afraid of it all, it is so loud. It’s almost unbearable, but I know I must face it lest it invades my personal space further, directly crashing into me in hand, an object, or spit-laced soundwaves.

My tears stop falling and I find in the clutter of my mind a mask to put on.

The pain rails against my spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical membranes.

I carry on.

In life, there is mortar and pestle.

There are those who break things down, for good and bad, some thoughtfully and others recklessly; they are active shapers of life.

Life’s many factors and elements are the ingredients being broken down. And sometimes, the world’s oppressed are “what” is broken down.

Holding all of that is the mortar. These are the people who passively shape the world. They are accomplices in the good and bad taking place. Either out of avoidance of decision-making, indecisiveness, or neutrality, they hold the space for and carry the fruits of pestle’s interactions with ingredients.

I strive to be a thoughtful, precise pestle, but often find myself a mortar that sympathizes with those ground and tries to reason with the pestle, or one ground that excuses the mortar and tries to reason with the pestle. In fact, in all honesty, it feels like I’m both mortar and ingredient, almost like I am the miniscule bits of mortar that gets broken down and blended in with the ingredients. At once, I am both passively present and helplessly transformed.

I had watched the chaos and heard the emotions thrown around. Like the winter cold that chilled my bones for hours after recess, both chaos and turbulent feelings began to seep inward, past my jacket. Before they could breach my skin, I turned and began walking past the tetherball court, towards the soccer field.

“Sarah, get back here!” My infuriated peer let out a string of objections in her lilting, almost redneck rendition of English. I began to turn my head, hearing Sarah’s voice boom toward me. Step by step, she got closer. My eyes widened, and like a deer, I froze in her path. Like a semi-truck, she barreled forward, her frenzied red curls jolting with every step.I suppose all she saw was red, and perhaps with my flushed cheeks, I blended right in.

Whatever it was, she didn’t see me and her left shoulder crashed into me just as I tried to step out of the way. Her path of motion was unswayed, but my frail little body flew into the tetherball pole, with the bony, tender place behind an ear being the metal’s point of direct impact.

I found myself in the office, being inspected by a nurse and the secretary. My head was swollen and my head throbbed in pain. My brows were furrowed, but not in concern for me. “Is Sarah going to get into trouble for hurting me? I don’t want her to get in trouble. I know she didn’t see me.”

And it’s true. I saw her face snap down towards me when she sent me flying. Surprise, then guilt, then shame flooded her face. She was a soul swollen and throbbing in pain from her life’s circumstances. Just like my head, she was hurting. And just like the ice, all the social workers in the world could not resolve the pain. They helped her soften her reactions, but they could not undo the impactful events she experienced. And while I made contact with the metal pole once, she faced impact after impact everyday, with compounding symptoms. I felt for her–arguably more than I felt for myself.

The adults chuckled in a way I was unfamiliar with at the time. I now know it to be nervous laughter. They looked at each other instinctively as they let this reaction out.

I think that was the moment they recognized me as a mortar, mortar fragment. They knew then what I was to find out in the coming years.

#vignettes #vignette #childhood #sadbeautifultragic #random introspection #autobiographical #sketch #freestyle

[ohfuckohfuckohfuck]

my life is procrastination

The last…

time you swore?: FUCK. right now

time you said something you regret?: i say a lot of things impulsively but i don’t know if i regret it

time you did something you regret? whenever i was last intimate with a man

time you got in a physical fight?: never

time you got hurt physically?: pfffffft i am accident prone

time you got hurt emotionally?: i can’t answer this without sounding really emo

time you had sex?: dude... SO fucking long... by choice, obviously

time you had oral sex?: same

time you said I love you?: earlier today

time you cried?: i am a crazy person i am always laughing or crying

time you lied?: uhhh... i suck at lying.

time you were sick to your stomach?: i make myself feel sick all the time but i haven’t actually thrown up since january 2011

time you had your heart broken?: years and years

time you hugged a family member?: i really don’t do hugs unless it’s with someone i feel romantic/sexual about. autism ;)

time you screamed?: a few days ago into a pillow but i don’t know why

time you laughed?: probably like 5 mins ago

person you hugged?: damn... i don't know, which is kinda weird

person you kissed?: some dude last year, would not repeat

person you had oral sex with?: n/a.

person you had sex with?: one of the most annoying people on planet earth

person you fought with?: i don’t really fight with people. my friends and i may disagree about shit but i don't know about FIGHTING

person you cried over?: everyone, always

person you cried in front of?: maybe my best friend?

person who made you cry?: myself, of course

person you hated?: i don’t hate people like i used to but i hold intense grudges. i guess i hate my r*pist?

person you loved?: hehe probably my r*pist. gotta love that trauma bond

person you said I love you to?: my dad

thing you regret doing?: i guess drinking lots of espresso again was probably a mistake

thing you ate?: i only eat at night so uh... half a hot dog bun yesterday

thing you drank?: sparkling water

shirt you wore?: i’m wearing a black hoodie

swear word you said?: fuck

song you listened to?: “failure is the best revenge” by the vandals

thing you bought?: sparkly eyeshadow

fast food place you ate at?:  it’s been so long, i don't know? maybe in-n-out or t bell

alcoholic drink you drank?:  i’m gonna guess beer

drug you did?: weeds

tv show you watched?: game of thrones

movie you watched?: don’t worry darling. so bad :(

country you visited?: germany?

shoes you wore?: my sick ass neon and black sneakers i got for hiking

thought you had?: man i love those sneakers

website you visited?: this one duh

gift you bought?: a boring lil gift card for makeup

gift you recieved?: i receive many gifts

color nail polish you wore?: oof, i need to get my nails done

person you texted?: jason

time you cried yourself to sleep?: i literally cannot fall asleep crying

person you had a crush on?: a human that is not a robot

dream you had?: i was having a huge party and somehow told people we were gonna take a bus to nyc but then realized we weren’t in NJ, we were at my house in CA and that would take days

nightmare you had?: it was bad and sad

time you woke up in tears?: not a thing

time you felt so happy you cried?: probably something duck related

laughed so hard you pissed your pants?: i have pretty strong pelvic floor muscles, so... never

felt like you couldnt breathe?: whenever i last had an asthma attack

movie you saw at the theatre?: NOPE

movie you cried at?: basically i get so excited when i watch my all time fave movies that i cry but in a happy overwhelmed autistic way

time you felt vulnerable?: always?

time you felt loved?: i know i am loved

time you felt needed?:  i am always needed

time you felt ashamed?:  i am always ashamed jk but probably semi-recently

time you hurt someone unintentionally?: that’s one of my cutest autism quirks

person who made you laugh?: me

person who made you feel loved?:  my friends

place you had sex?:  hm... i think it was just a bed. kinda boring. but i was bored anyway. men.

time you showered?: earlier today

person you slept in a bed with and didnt have sex?:  last fall, some person

time you blushed?: all the time

person who made you blush?:  cute people

person who made you scream?: me

time you thanked someone?:  today?

[madisonsfantasticfeatures]

Rowing Camp. Yay or Nay?

I’d better make this quick since I have only an hour left on this computer.

But recently this month I’ve tried out rowing camp, which is lasting till June for me. So far I haven’t been able to go out on the boats yet, so I obviously can’t bring out my full opinion on this activity yet. On the other hand, I can say how I feel about what we’ve done so far. 

During my rowing camp experience I stuck to my friend Maddison’s side. We both didn’t really talk to anyone else but each other, and it’s been fine doing that since. For some reason the rowing camp consolers love tearing our friendship apart, and purposely split us up so we aren’t together. I find that pretty rude, but I don’t think the camp consolers have a problem with it. 

On the first day of rowing camp, my mom was there....watching everything I do. (Kind of creepy if you ask me, I hope she didn’t take pictures.) You would think that on your first day of camp it wouldn’t be too hard, and they’d probably teach you some stuff about rowing and boats first. WELL YOU’RE WRONG. All of a sudden I go from scrolling on my phone to doing intense workouts with only a 2 minute break in between. I mean seriously! No warning first at least?

So the workout part was definitely a nay, would not recommended. I rather work on my own pace than others, and I’m sure practically most of you would agree. 

After all of that intense workout stuff, I thought I’d finally catch a break when I heard the word Yoga. What do you imagine when you first think of yoga? I think of a peaceful and relaxing experience, but in reality this rowing camp yoga was just the workout we did from the start but more “relaxed.” For the post part we were bending down 90% of the time, which hurt my back. Ouch. Though, I will say it’s much better than doing pushups for 30 seconds. (Trust me, it hurts.) 

After all the pain, (and probably child torture) I was let free after we finished the yoga session. At least in the end we were given oversized t-shirts. I would’ve complimented the granola bars but the ones they gave us on the first day were pretty disgusting, not going to lie. I’m a chocolate chip person, (luckily they started giving us that flavor later on.) 

Now, after all of this info. LET’S MENTION THE UTTER BETRAYAL I FELT ON THE DAY OF MAY 23rd, 2022. 4:25 PM (I don’t know the actual time it happened I’m just guessing.) 

Yesterday the rowing camp consolers told us that we were able to go out on the water today. Although, I think they forgot to mention that only SOME people could go out on the water today, but I unfortunately was not one of them. I won’t go too much into detail because this post is getting long. So long story short, the whole day was sad and boring. 

This is the first official blogging post! I would check every day after school to see if I updated, sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.

#madisonsfantasticfeatures

[mercy-burning]

Good Little Helper

Pairing: Season 5! Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader gets assigned to be Spencer’s personal assistant of sorts after he gets shot in the knee. Category: SMUT(18+) Content Warnings: fingering (female receiving), blowjob, praise kink, dirty talk, blink and you’ll miss it cumplay Word Count: 4.7k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: So, remember yesterday when I posted about how I wished new ideas would stop distracting me from everything I’m currently working on? Yeah. This wouldn’t leave me alone, and I couldn’t work on anything until I got it out of my head, so here! Have a fic! (It was supposed to be a blurb, but I got a little long-winded so now it’s too long to be a blurb oops 😙✌) Also, I apologize for any editing mistakes, I just wrote this out in one go, so hopefully it’s alright!

***

Being assigned to assist Dr. Reid with practically his every need after he was shot in the knee wasn't exactly how I expected to spend the past few months.

And that's, like... a huge understatement.

In fact, when Agent Hotchner came up to me in the break room and said he'd like me to do the job, I dropped my coffee and shattered a mug. I could tell he was a little impatient with me, even through his kind reassurances that it was quite all right as he helped me clean it up and waited for an answer.

In the end I'd said yes to the job, though the more I thought about it the more I wondered how much lust and naivete had clouded my judgement when I did.

Because there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to survive weeks, possibly months, as Spencer Reid's assistant. Not only because he was intimidatingly intelligent and there was almost nothing I could offer him in decent conversation, but also—and more prominently—the fact that I was pretty sure I was in love with him.

Maybe that was a stretch. I definitely had a stupid major crush on him that felt more like we were in middle school, but I could barely look at him without going warm all over. In fact, I think we had only ever made eye contact once and I averted my gaze immediately, afraid I'd give myself away. If I'd have held it any longer, I was positive I'd have burst into flames.

He'd tried talking to me once, a few months after I started working at the Bureau, and it was only to ask if I'd send some files over to their tech analyst, Penelope Garcia, but when I tried answering, I stumbled over my words and ended up only getting out a squeaked, "Uh huh," before taking the files from him and scurrying off.

I almost cried that day.

Basically every time I was in his presence, I was a total wreck. Even more so than I was on any other given day.

Being his assistant did get fairly easy pretty early on, though. I mostly just stayed out of his way while he worked, and if he need anything that he could've gotten himself if not for the injury, it was my job to get it for him. I worked on my own paperwork most of the time, and he was always busy working on geographical profiles and whatever else, we only ever really had to talk when he asked for something. And that only required a, "Sure," on my end, so I could just get up, get what he needed, and then go back to work.

Still, it didn't help that sometimes I'd get distracted.

He was very distracting.

I usually waited until I was sure he was so busy in work that I wouldn't get caught. And that's when I'd peek over my computer or hide behind a book and stare at him. I know that sounds creepier than it is, but if you had to spend almost every hour of the day with him, you'd have done the same. Even though for months he was put on rest from the field, he always showed up looking more like a college professor than an FBI agent. Which, I suppose suited him more anyway. Regardless, it was a damn fine look. His hair was decently long and extremely pretty, and when he got the cane?

I was a goner.

It was at that point, though, when I started to realize that he probably wouldn't need my help anymore. He'd been allowed back into the filed by then, and even when I went with them on cases it still felt like I was more out of place than usual. Sure, I'd picked up on some minor skills that aided in profiling and otherwise, but at the end of the day I was still only a desk clerk. Sooner or later, I knew there would be a time where Agent Hotchner would inevitably tell me that I'd done a good job and could return to my menial day job.

So, even though Dr. Reid and I had gotten into a pretty regular, non-awkward rhythm, I was being a little more squirrely than usual.

And of course, he noticed.

"Y/N, are you doing alright?" he asked, looking up from his stack of paperwork. That was another thing we'd ended up doing— late into the night after everyone had gone home, we stayed late in the conference room and quietly filled out paperwork.

I barely looked him in the eye when I answered. "O—Oh, mhm. I'm fine."

"Oh... You just seem... a little different today."

On any other day I would have freaked out on the inside like a teenager, excited that he'd noticed me at all enough to notice a difference in my behavior. But that was his job after all.

"Actually, you seem rather... sad."

I did look up at him this time, and the soft glow of the table lamp lit up his features— features that looked me over with concern. I could feel my face grow warmer with every second I looked at him, until I quickly looked back down at my paper and shook my head.

"N—No, I'm okay. Promise. Just a little tired, that's all."

Usually he would have left it at that, given we didn't ever really have longer conversations than that that didn't pertain to whatever case the BAU was working on. But he pushed further, and I swallowed.

"Are you sure? Because... You can tell me if there's something wrong. I'm a good listener..."

Did I dare tell him what was really plaguing me? That I was scared I wasn't going to be able to spend time with him every day, thus most likely giving away my crush? That is, if he hadn't already figured it out by this point... Truthfully it wouldn't have surprised me.

The thought made me go warm again, and still, I kept my head down.

"I'm sure..."

And then I did something I probably shouldn't have. I looked back up at him, just a quick glance, but under his intense gaze I crumbled, flitting my eyes back down and playing with my hands.

"Is it... because of me?"

Afraid suddenly that I'd made him feel bad, I straightened a little. "No! No, not at all I... Um... I—I guess I'm just... A little sad that I'm probably... not going to be of any help to you anymore. You know, now that you're healing up."

A small smile flashed over his face, and I inwardly melted.

"Oh... In that case I... I guess I'm sad, too."

"Really?" I asked softly, my heart jumping.

"Mhm," he answered back in earnest. His features were softer than they'd ever been, eyes wide and kind, smile inviting... "You've been a great help. And you're fun to be around."

I couldn't help but smile shyly at his confession, completely bewildered that he'd think of me as someone he'd enjoyed being around, though I'd offered just about nothing interesting to any conversation we'd had. "Y—You don't mean that..."

"I do."

"C'mon, really? I... I—mean... coming from you that's... that's too generous."

He laughed a little. "How do you mean?"

"I... Well, y—you're you... I mean, you're... smart, and nice, and cu— uh,... n—nice..." I stumbled hard on that last one, squeezing my eyes shut at the thought of almost calling him cute to his face... And then I realized I'd called him nice two times... in a row.

I hadn't even realized he'd gotten up and walked over to me until I felt his cane gently tap my leg. I jumped, looking up at him and almost crumbled again right then and there. He stood over me, tall and clearly amused, and I wanted to just curl up and hide where no one would ever find me.

I also didn't want to be craning my neck so far up to see him, so I stood up, sending my chair rolling back a foot or two. The added height was better, but he was still fiarly taller than me, and with the way were standing so close to each other?

Maybe I'd made a mistake...

"I—I'm sorry," I stammered.

Still amused, Spencer tilted his head a small amount. "What for?"

"I... I don't know, m—making this awkward?"

"It's not awkward."

"It... It's not?"

He shook his head, quiet for a few beats before he nearly whispered. "What were you going to say?"

I paused. "I... What?"

"Before... You said I was smart. And nice... And... What else?"

It sounded like he was trying to get me to confess something, and quite honestly I couldn't tell if it was for humiliation or amusement or clarification purposes. I mean, it was probably safe to assume he wouldn't go out of his way to humiliate me, but... it still made me nervous.

"I—I didn't... I..."

"Y/N... Tell me?"

I'd been cornered. Quite literally, too, as my lower back hit the edge of the table. My hands shook anxiously at my sides as I contemplated what to say. The truth? Embarrassing for me. A lie? I was no good at telling lies, and I'd still end up embarrassed, because he'd be able to tell.

So, after a very long silence in which he waited on me to answer, I blurted out, as quietly as possible, "Cute."

The word sounded juvenile coming from my mouth. Right now, standing under Dr. Reid's intense scrutiny, it didn't even feel like the right word to describe him. Not that it wasn't true... But it just wasn't an elegant enough descriptor for him.

And that alone probably proved just how different we were. How out of my league he was...

"That's what I thought you were going to say," he mused, slightly breaking me out of my self-deprecation.

I would have asked him something then, anything to keep myself from looking like even more of a fool with a childish schoolgirl crush, but all words escaped me entirely. All I could do was look up at him, slowly growing warm under the intensity of his eyes and praying he wouldn't think of me as silly.

Though, it wouldn't have mattered, because he kept talking anyway, his body taking up even more space around me as his arms came around to well and truly trap me against the table.

"You're right, you know... I'm almost completely healed, and pretty soon I think I won't need an assistant anymore."

I was scared that maybe I was wrong before, and he'd actually humiliate me now, though the look in his eyes suggested otherwise. I wasn't sure what to make of all of it. SO I just stood there, trying to breath steadily as Spencer studied my face.

"And I meant it... That makes me sad. You know why?"

I shook my head, afraid to make a sound.

His head dipped lower, close enough that I could feel his breath on my mouth as he spoke. "I probably won't get to see you every day."

"Y—you want to see me?" I couldn't help but ask.

He scanned my eyes, amusement and something else lingering there as he did. "Yes."

And then he kissed me.

It was a short distance, but it felt like we went far. And I hadn't even registered that I whimpered into his mouth until he returned it with a low groan that boiled my insides and absolutely melted me. I was helpless against him as he pressed himself further against me and used his hands to keep my back steady.

The whole time my mind was swimming with dizziness. It felt like my body was covered in butterflies from head to toe, particularly strong where his hands pressed into me and his cane rested firmly along the inside of my thigh.

I leaned forward when he pulled away, because I was afraid that he was saying goodbye. But one of his hands came up to my face and my eyes fluttered open, immediately taking notice of how messy his hair was now that I'd had my fingers in it.

I must have looked scared, because suddenly his eyes changed, and he removed his hands away from me altogether, putting distance in between us. "I—I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you without asking..."

The relief that rushed through my body must have gotten to my head, because I breathed out a demand I'd never have had the courage to get out before.

"Do it again."

One second I was staring at him, admittedly afraid that he'd regretted all of it, and the next I was seeing stars as he came forward and kissed me again. His hands cradled my face as he did so, coming on to me with gentle care while still maintaining that hunger that surprised and excited me.

I hadn't realized how much I missed his touch until he'd given it back to me, my body once again melting into him and allowing him to do whatever it is that pleased him.

Apparently that was lifting my leg off the ground and making me sit on the table.

My body went along with it easily, and I was glad for it because my brain was nothing but mush, unable to process fully how he'd decided that I was worth kissing. All I really knew was that I wanted him. Anything he wanted from me, I was willing to give. And that must have come across very clearly, because when he pulled away and spoke to me, I whimpered at his words.

"Y/N... You've been such a good girl, helping me with whatever I needed these past few months..." Meanwhile his hand danced along the hem of my skirt, the tiny brushes of his skin against mine sending me into a mess of shivers.

"I think it's about time I've thanked you for all your help, don't you think?"

The implications in his tone made me whine again, and I pressed my forehead into his, our noses brushing as I answered. "Please."

I was so taken by the way he groaned as his lips connected with mine once more that I almost didn't realize that his hand was now fully up my skirt, his fingers drawing gentle lines over my panties and practically making me melt again. His hungry kisses contradicted the softness he took to my clothed cunt, a fact that warmed me to my core and made me want him more than ever.

When he slipped the fabric aside and ran the pad of his finger through me, I whined hard against his mouth, something that must have excited him— He nipped at my bottom lip and took a deep breath.

"How long have you wanted this, Princess?"

If not for the kissing and the finger slowly sliding up through my arousal, the nickname would have done me in. By now I was an utter wreck, but I somehow still managed to answer, even through a little stammering. "F—Forever."

It was the best I could come up with.

He breathed a laugh as his finger circled my clit. "That's a long time..."

"Uh huh," was all I could manage in response. My body and my brain were too focused on the things his finger was doing to my body, involuntarily rolling my hips forward for more. I needed more.

Thankfully he picked up on my urgency and reciprocated with slipping his middle finger inside me, one knuckle, then two...

I cried out as my head lurched forward, connecting our mouths once again. My hands clutched around his neck and my fingers tugged at his hair to keep myself from falling, because the slow, searing pace at which he fingered me made me wonder how I'd still been able to breathe.

He added another finger soon enough, picking up the pace and rendering me practically useless in his embrace. Meanwhile I registered the sound of his own little whines, still deeper than mine but little enough to tip me off that he was enjoying this just as much as I was, and that alone helped get me further along in pleasure.

I pulled my mouth from his reluctantly, squeezing my eyes shut as I allowed my forehead to rest against his. "D—Doctor, I'm c... I'm so close."

"His honorific falling breathlessly from my mouth seemed to do something sinister to him, because his fingers sped up and his breathing got heavier.

"Yeah? You gonna come for me, Princess?"

My stomach tightened and I nodded as best as I could, relishing in the sounds coming from below us, wet and downright filthy.

"Go ahead...Be a good girl and come for me... You deserve it..."

Each little sentence was punctuated with a slightly faster pace, each one bringing me closer and closer until I squeaked into his mouth and shook violently around his fingers, my vision going white. My legs had been open wide since he'd started teasing under my skirt, but now they threatened to clamp shut from the intensity. But I wanted nothing more than to be good for him, to make this as easy as possible, so I held out and kept them open as wide as I could stand as my orgasm rocked through me.

Spencer whispered praises into my skin as his hand slowed and his mouth trailed down to my neck. And even though it was more than nice feeling him lick and bite over my skin, I felt rather sad when he removed his fingers from me.

That sadness didn't last long though, not when he pulled back and studied me for a moment, eyes lust-blown and purely ravenous before he brought his glistening fingers up to my mouth.

I didn't even have to think. I brought my tongue out and let him slip his fingers over it, closing my mouth around them and sighing as I sucked them clean. This only seemed to excite him more, his features displaying all sorts of desperation until he couldn't take it anymore.

He kissed me again, bringing both his hands to rest at my waist. And with his hands so low I wondered if maybe he'd take to ridding himself of his own pants, but it never happened. Rather, he pulled away after minutes of more kissing, and sighed quite sadly as his upper body pressed firmly into mine.

Something else pressed firmly against me as well—right along the inside of my thigh—and I gasped, mind running wild through all the possible outcomes of the night.

But Spencer only stood there, occasionally nudging his nose against mine while his hands gently kneaded my sides.

"D—Do you want to stop?" I asked softly, afraid he'd regret what we did.

He proved me wrong. "God, no... It's... It's just that I'm still not cleared enough for any... strenuous activity on my leg, and I don't..."

I didn't want to push him, obviously, but I thought I could make the mood a little lighter. "O—Oh, well on the bright side... I could stay your assistant for a while longer."

The laugh that rumbled in his throat made me smile, though from the way he stood there, I knew he wouldn't risk it.

"Um... Raincheck?" he whispered.

On the one hand, that meant he definitely wanted to see me again, and I was more than happy with that. But also, that meant our fun for the night was done...

Yet... Maybe not...

"Sure," I answered, pecking his lips once more. Then I brought my hand to his chest and slid it down until I reached his belt, and I leaned back to look him in the eye, a boldness I never imagined coming from me in a million years.

"But I can still help you..."

I watched the desperation and disappointment in his features slowly dissolve into a newfound hunger—and an amusement—that grew my confidence tenfold.

"Oh?" Spencer mused. "How do you suppose you can help me this time?"

He wanted me to say it. So, without second guessing myself anymore, I grazed my finger over his erection. "I'm very good with my mouth, Dr. Reid."

He grabbed me by the hand then, dragging me along to the chair I'd kicked back before and sat himself down, one of his hands still gripping the cane. Matched with the desire in his eyes and the swollenness of his lips and the tousled strands of his hair, the sight was truly something to behold. It was something that only ever existed in my dreams, nd now it was real.

Not wanting to waste any time, I sunk to my knees and nestled myself in between his legs. He reached out and caressed my cheek before lifting my chin with his middle finger.

"You like being my good little helper?" he drawled.

I tried to nod, but he clicked his tongue and held my chin in place. "Words, Princess."

"Yes. I—I'd do anything you asked. Anything you want, it's yours..."

He hummed then, removing his hand from my face and moving to undo his belt swiftly with only one hand. The action, the sound, everything... it was enough to make me wet again, and I subtly ground down onto the heel of my foot as I watched him pull himself free from the confines of his pants.

I didn't have time to marvel at him before I was drawn forward like a magnet, my hands crawling up his legs and my eyes batting up at him, ready and eager to please him however he wanted.

"Eager, are we?" he mused once more, gently stroking himself with his hand.

"Yes, Doctor," I breathed, inching closer and kissing the outside of his hand.

His movement stopped then, and it didn't take longer than a second for him to decide to let me work on my own.

"Then have at it, Princess..."

I started by kissing my way up the length of him, taking my time to gauge his reactions as I did so, occasionally darting my tongue out to taste him. Once I reached the tip, I sucked on it gently, using my tongue to swirl around it until I could taste the saltiness of his precum.

And then I started taking him slowly into my mouth, watching above me as Spencer's eyes started to shut, obviously debating whether or not to lay back and enjoy this or watch me intently.

Either way, I was more than happy to keep it up, finally getting him to the back of my throat. I flexed my tongue and held him there as long as I could, promptly gagging over him and blinking tears from my eyes as he let out a loudest sound I'd heard from him yet. His head flew back and his tongue quivered along his bottom lip as he cursed my name.

The act made me proud, so I retreated for air, sucked at his tip again for a few seconds, and then repeated it, taking him down my throat again and watching through teary eyes as he visibly swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Fuck, Y/N, you're so... Such a good fucking girl..."

The praise caused my insides to burn hot, and I ground down onto my heel again, lifting my mouth to start bobbing up and down.

His eyes opened then, and he looked down at me, using his hand to brush stray hair from my face and the other to grip onto his cane for dear life. I looked up at him the whole time, making sure to convey through not only my actions but also my eyes that I loved this. I thrived off of his praise, I enjoyed the feel of his dick gliding over my tongue and hitting the back of my throat, and I longed to feel him coat the inside of my mouth with his release.

I was so entirely into him in every capacity, it wasn't even funny.

I was so glad he could tell, a smile grazing his features as his hand gently gripped some of my hair. "So eager to please, Princess... And so fucking good at delivering..."

I whined onto his dick as he held me down, rendering me immobile. The only thing I could do was look up at him and choke, and of course, I was more than happy to do it. In turn, I was met with a deep groan and a tug of the hair.

"Hold it, hold it... Atta girl..."

My cunt throbbed at his words, and my throat continued to burn, tears falling down my face at ten-speed until finally, he let up and pulled me off of him.

I coughed a little and blinked away tears as I caught my breath, Spencer's fingers combing hair from my face as he smiled proudly.

He didn't even need to say anything then. I wanted to give him more. So I leaned down again and took him in my mouth, quickly making work of his tip while my hand came up and stroked the rest of him.

"Fuck, Princess, just like that... Make me come just like that..."

Rather than just continuing, I offered him a high whine and a wide gaze, hoping to exceed expectations.

I guess it worked, because he came right then, his dick pulsing over my tongue and in my hand as his warm release shot down my throat and over my tongue. I hummed around him, fluttering my eyes closed at the taste and the feeling, probably enjoying the fact that I'd done this to him more than I should have.

It was worth it to see the look on his face, though, after he'd given me all he had and I purposely spit some of it out onto the tip of his dick so I could lick it up and give him just a little more stimulation after the fact. His mouth hung open, eyes heavy and unwilling to leave me, even as I finished and sat back to wipe the tears and saliva from my face with a satisfied smile.

Though, the longer he looked at me, the more shy I became. Funny when I'd just had his dick down my throat, but I'd never been good with people staring at me for long periods of time.

"Was that... Was that okay?" I asked, suddenly worried I hadn't done something to his standards. "I know I don't do this a lot, so I'm sorry if it wasn't that g—"

"Y/N..."

I blinked up at him, still on my knees and unwilling to move. Not that I wanted to, but I couldn't even if I had.

"That was fucking perfect... I meant it, you're... so good."

I knew he was capable of better words, but after having the life sucked out of you, I could imagine 'better words' were hard to come by. Still, I laughed a little, playing with the hem of my skirt. "Good. I'm... glad I could help."

He smiled at me, readjusting his pants and then moving to help me off the ground.

"Hey, uh... Even when you go back to your regular job after I get better, I... I hope you know you're always welcome to come visit me if we're not busy."

The words warmed me in a different way, my heart swelling as well. "You... You mean that?"

Spencer nodded, grabbing my hand and dragging his thumb over my wrist. "Of course. I mean, you're more than just a good helper, you know. You're also kind, and smart, and cute..."

I laughed at his emphasis on cute, heat warming my face. "Ha-ha..."

"I really mean it, though," he said softly, removing his hand from mind and bringing it up to lift my chin, so I'd meet his eyes. They were swimming with sincerity, the epitome of warmth and comfort and kindness— the kind that always drew me to him in the first place. "And... If you'd want to maybe ditch the paperwork one day and grab a coffee or something, maybe—"

"Yes," I interrupted without thinking. My heartbeat picked up upon seeing the look in his eyes when I agreed, a mixture of amusement and relief. "Y—Yes, I'd love to."

"Good. Then it's a date?"

"Definitely."

PERMANENT TAGLIST:  @elldell1204 @muffin-cup @calm-and-doctor @slutforthegubes @rainsong01 @yourmisosoup @liveloudwriteloud @reidsconverse @la-vie-en-amour1 @edgycowboy666 @averyhotchner @centiaaa @lizziechaseee @coffeeandendlesswords @usuck @spenxerslut @g0lden-cth @emilyprentisslittlewhore @takeyourleap-of-faith @reidyoulikeabook @spencerreid9 @b-a-utiful @jareauswifey @big-galaxy-chaos

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#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader smut #criminal minds smut

[sixeyesgojo]

jjk characters handling your period

Summary: “What do you mean, no baby this month either? Okay, suffer then.” - your damn uterus

Pairings: Gojo/Megumi/Nanami/Naoya/Toji x Reader

Content warning: the monthly bloody nightmare your uterus puts you through and the whole shebang that comes with it, language warning, suggestive themes, explicit warning for Toji (you’ll see why)

A/N: purely self-indulgent because I suffer. @megumifushi and @sukirichi , my gals, I gotcha. Also dedicated to all readers who suffer from the same fate (may it be right now or not). Also: Yes, absolutely open the video I linked in Megumi’s part (it’s safe, I promise).

Gojo Satoru

You turn and turn in bed uncomfortably. Something isn’t right, you think and it’s not the fact that Satoru is missing next to you. Not knowing immediately irritates you. All of a sudden you become painfully aware of your lower region. Yes, of course it had to be that time of the month. You just knew you already stained your panties and perhaps the sheets haven’t been spared either. Getting out of bed, then realizing it was already past noon, you sprinted to the bathroom. Fuck, moving fast was not a good idea. 

Having changed the sheets and your stained panties, you made your way to the kitchen. Your stomach growled, signaling you were hungry, but at the same time you feared. Smelling food, let alone tasting too much of it, was a slippery slope – either your nose would protest or your stomach, no in-between. Regardless, you had to eat; or were you supposed to starve to death because of this? Not in this lifetime. “I AM BACK!” an annoyingly loud voice rang through the apartment. You groan and turn around. “Fuck off, Satoru,” you say. Your irritation flaring up for seemingly no reason. “Stop being so motherfucking loud. My head feels like it’s going to split in two and my pussy is fighting the crimson war right now,” you snarled at him.

“Oh honey, seems like I called the right shots then,” he declared proudly and held up a bag filled with... snacks? “I already called in sick for you for the next few days,” Satoru continued to explain as he wrapped his arms around you, “and I’ll be by your side 24/7 for the next two days. We’ll do fun stuff. How does movie night with lots of cuddling for tonight sound?”

“Why are you so nice to me right now?” you mumbled, tears welling up in your eyes. “Simple: I don’t want to be castrated by you,” he whispered back and planted a kiss on your cheek. “Fair enough. What will we do tomorrow?” He stayed silent but pulled out a black card out of his sleeve. You gasped.

Fushiguro Megumi

Ping. A notification. Quickly, you scrambled to get your phone to see what that was about. You desperately needed some distraction right now. The pain was too much. Your boyfriend Megumi had gone somewhere you didn’t know. All you knew was that your boobs were sore, the sensitive nipples rubbing against the fabric were already too much. In addition to that, you also experienced period cramps, resulting in back pain as well. Life was not easy at the moment but at least you could lay in bed for today, doing absolutely nothing.

Unlocking your phone, you saw a new message from Yuji: “omg look at this???” [Video link] It was a video of 42 seconds. There was a cute seal – probably the cutest and fluffiest seal you have ever seen – and background music. It may have only lasted 42 seconds but it definitely triggered some happy feelings inside you; it was so pure and you loved the energy of the clip. Perhaps these feelings were a bit too intense and overwhelming. Tears streamed down your face and you started sobbing uncontrollably. Why were you like this? It wasn’t even a sad video, was it?

You buried your face in the blankets, weeping as if someone just broke up with you. Through your loud crying, you did not notice the door opening. A jangling noise could be heard from your nightstand. Instantly, you shot up to check for intruders but luckily, it was Megumi. A frown spread on his face. “What happened?” he asked as his thumbs wiped your tears from your cheeks. You showed him the video, still sobbing, “Look at the seal... It’s so c-cute. I just... got emotional because it really t-traveled the world. This cutie deserves the whole world...”

“And so do you,” he bluntly stated, “now take the ibuprofen I brought you for the cramps and rest up.” As a matter of fact, he not only brought you painkillers but a hot water bottle and food as well.

Nanami Kento

“No, give me that. Lay down and rest. I can dust off the shelves on my own,” his deep voice commanded. If there was a man that screamed “male wife” it was definitely Nanami Kento, particularly when it came to you being on your period. You weren’t allowed to do anything in the house, except for very light chores. With good reason. “Kento, I can do–” Yeah, no, it wasn’t possible and Kento knew it too well.

You weren’t lucky when it came to period symptoms. Besides excruciating back pain, extremely sore breasts and headaches, you also had the luck to suffer from dizziness every single time you experienced the monthly nuisance. The first time you even passed out. In fact, it had happened several times. And that was precisely how Kento decided to not let you do anything. Still, you felt bad to leave everything to Kento. His work already demanded so much from him and here you were, being babied and even spoon-fed. You didn’t even have to cook your own meals or wash and iron laundry.

You had barely said those words when the unwelcome whirling sensation took you over again. Your feet wobbled, you were in danger of crashing to the ground. In a flash, Kento was by your side to steady you. “I told you not to overdo it.” He cupped your cheek with his warm hand. “Sorry, Kento. I’ll... just rest for a minute.”

Zenin Naoya

Period pain? Laughable. Naoya thought it was pathetic. A woman – these already weak creatures – having period symptoms was a mystery to him. What could possibly hurt about bleeding a little? He couldn’t understand. Your pitiable and sorry state was only another inconvenience to him. Not that you hindered him in any way – you were obedient enough to be quiet and complain as little as possible – but he absolutely despised seeing that annoying expression of pain on your face every time he had to look at it.

Hell, he didn’t even want to engage in sexual activities with you during that time, even though he had randomly picked up somewhere that it might help. Not that he wanted to help you, it was your problem and yours only, not his. “Stop looking at me with those eyes. It’s disgusting,” he remarked condescendingly as he got dressed for wherever he had to go. “When will you be back?” you croaked out but he totally ignored you.

“Women are so damn weak. It’s so fucking pathetic, I almost want to give you a hug,” Naoya gagged. He was about to leave the room but stopped in his tracks. Looking over his shoulder, he caught a glimpse of your face that was contorted with pain. In long strides, he made it to one of the cabinets, fished out a tiny box and threw it on the bed. “Tsk, you better get well soon so you can serve me again, dumb bitch.”

Fushiguro Toji (soft)

Work hadn’t been treating him kindly: not yesterday, not today, not ever. Although he was highly capable and never failed to exceed himself, all Toji truly wanted to do was to go home. When he finally made it through the door, he called out, “Am home.” Usually, you would come running to greet him but when nothing but silence greeted him, his hand instantly moved to the cursed creature lingering on his shoulder. It was suspicious. Did enemies manage to find this hideout? Where were you? His hands started sweating.

Stealthily, he approached the kitchen. To his surprise, he saw your form in front of the counter, hunched over in pain. Dropping his offensive stance immediately, he quickly strode over to check on you. “Hey, what are you doing there?” he asked, hesitatingly putting a hand on your shoulder. You looked at him, grimacing with pain, “Oh, Toji. I didn’t realize you were home yet. Sorry, I’m not done cooking dinner yet, I just feel so nauseous, exhausted and my entire back  and shoulders hurt so much. It’s so sore.” “I see.” He nodded, understanding what was happening. Suddenly, he lifted you effortlessly. You squealed, “Toji!! What are you doing?!” “Taking care of you,” he promised. “But dinner!” “Don’t care.”

Making his way to the bedroom, Toji laid down with you on top of him. Something about his warmth already made you feel better but as his large palms rubbed your back in circular motions, you felt as if you were in heaven. Toji’s ministrations soothed the pain so well, you almost let out a moan. Now that the pain didn’t overshadow all the other symptoms anymore, the drowsiness took over. “Toji, ‘m tired,” you mumbled; eyelids fluttering already. “Then sleep. I’ll take care of dinner later,” he whispered. You only hummed in response, already far too gone. Slowly but surely, his steady heartbeat lulled you to sleep. “Sleep tight.”

Taglist: @megumifushi​ @gojos-mochi​ @assbuttbaek​ @bleueluna​ 

#gojo x reader #megumi x reader #nanami x reader #naoya x reader #toji x reader #gojo satoru #fushiguro megumi #nanami kento #zenin naoya #fushiguro toji #toji fushiguro #jujutsu kaisen naoya #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #tw: period talk #tw: periods #tw: menstruation

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Part 2 baby, I'll put these up on my ao3 soon as well so they're in one place together

-------

"Dad... you're dead."

Jack laughed. He probably shouldn't have, Danny seemed to be very genuine in his assessment, and Jack recognised that he should probably take this more seriously. But still, dead?? It was laughable.

"Come on Danny be serious." Danny's face remained stoic, "I'm not dead, I'm right here."

"You're a ghost, dad." Danny's lips were pressed tight, his entire body tense. "You died."

Jack was feeling a little ill at this point, was Danny okay? Was there a ghost messing with his head? He leaned toward Danny and grabbed his hand, it was cold, Danny's hands were always cold.

"Listen to me son, you're not talking sense, there's probably a ghost somewhere tha-"

Danny stood up fast, impossibly fast, his chair skidded behind him and toppled over.

"No! Dad can you just- how did you get to bed last night?" He asked.

Jack hadn't been expecting the question, he'd gone to bed... the usual way right? Like he always did, took a shower, brushed his teeth, got into his pyjamas, kissed his wife goodnight, although for some reason the details felt a little fuzzy.

But before he could answer Danny continued.

"When did we leave the party?"

Party? Jack's brow furrowed, oh the party! It was his 50th, how could he forget his own party, had he had that much to drink?

Oh, oh of course. He'd gotten drunk and done something stupid, said something upsetting. That's why everyone was mad at him, that's why last night was foggy.

Danny kept going, he sounded frustrated, angry, but his voice cracked a little. He was upset, oh boy Jack must have done something truly awful.

"What happened after the toast?"

The toast... He had just blown out the candles on the enormous cake Vlad had bought for him, ah that's right, Vlad had been there! He'd hired the venue, planned the whole party, it had been a surprise.

He had handed him a drink...

Danny asked another question, Jack knew it was the last, it felt heavy and final, it didn't even sound like a question.

"What's the date today."

Jack knew the date, of course he knew the date, it was the day after his birthday why wouldn't he know? He'd never been particularly good with dates but not even he could forget his own birthdate.

He glanced over to the calendar on the wall, just in case, he had a sneaking suspicion this was some kind of a trick question.

Jazz was the one to mark off the days, she used it to keep track of her assignments and her tutoring sessions. Each day would be marked with a tidy little line, not an X because they had 'a negative association with failure' or... something. He didn't really understand a lot of Jazz's ideas.

The days were marked off up to June the 18th... the 18th, it should have been the 10th. His birthday was yesterday, on the 9th, today should be the 10th.

How could he have missed a whole week? Maybe this was a joke, a way to get back at him for getting drunk and embarrassing everyone.

But this... didn't feel like a joke.

Maddie's sobs hadn't felt like a joke, Jazz's silence hadn't felt like a joke.

Danny's eyes gouged into him. Danny had always been an awkward kid, he took after Jack in that way, he was shy when he was young, always had difficulty maintaining eye contact. He had no such difficulty right now. They were so bright, had they always been so bright?

It was unsettling.

Why couldn't Jack remember what happened after the toast...

The drink had tasted strange, bitter. He never particularly liked champagne, he assumed that it was normal. Vlad had been smiling, his teeth were sharp... his eyes...

Danny's hands were clasped together tightly, his knuckles bumping against his lower lip as they shook. His gaze had shifted from Jack's face to the gravy-stained tablecloth.

"You're dead. I'm sorry, I know this is hard, I know you still feel like everything is the same but it isn't. You... you're a ghost, dad. Not the kind you're used to, you're just a haunting spirit right now, nobody can see you, nobody can hear you. You can't interact with anything, not yet."

Danny dropped his hands away from his face and looked at him sadly. Jack felt as though there was more to his expression, but he'd never been particularly good at reading people. Vlad had always been better at that sort of thing, it often felt like Vlad could speak a whole other language Jack simply couldn't understand.

Vlad... something was tickling the back of his mind but he couldn't quite grasp it, like a word on the tip of his tongue.

Vlad had given him a drink. Vlad had smiled. It looked like a real smile, but Jack felt like... there had been something more to it, Jack had never been good at reading people... Vlad had smiled, his teeth were sharp, his eyes... red, they were red.

The champagne was bitter. He could almost still taste it.

Jack jumped to his feet, startling Danny as he balled his hands into fists.

"Vlad." he growled, Danny breathed a sad sigh.

"Yeah, it was Vlad, he-"

"He was overshadowed by a ghost!" Jack roared, "It's still got him doesn't it? Mads is out there looking for-"

"No! Fuck, dad- SIT. DOWN."

Jack sat. Without thought or question. Danny's command was loud, not deafening but loud in a different way, like he'd heard it through not just his ears but his entire body. It reminded him a little of the concerts he and Maddie used to frequent back in their college days, where the music was so loud it vibrated through them, head to toe.

It took him a moment to realise he was shaking, Jack always considered himself fearless, and that was generally true, so true that he almost didn't recognise the feeling as it swept coldly over him.

Danny closed his eyes and rubbed at them in frustration, Jack was almost certain he caught a flash of vibrant green beneath his fingers.

"I'm sorry I... I didn't want to use that- I didn't mean," he sighed heavily. "You just never listen."

He was listening now, if not simply because he felt too shaken to do anything else. His thoughts rattled around trying to piece themselves together, something within him was screaming like he'd just touched a hot surface or a live wire. Danger danger danger danger.

"Vlad wasn't being overshadowed," said Danny, leaning against the kitchen bench, his body almost sagging with exhaustion. "It's... a lot more complicated than that."

"I can't be a ghost." Jack muttered, indignant, "They're monsters, they don't even look human. They don't wake up and hug their wives, they don't want to sit down and eat breakfast with their daughters."

"Not all ghosts are the same." Danny's voice was quiet, it had none of that fierce intensity like before. What was that? It wasn't normal, it definitely wasn't human. Jack glared up at him as a hot flush of rage washed over him.

"How do I know you aren't the ghost. That you haven't done... something to my family, to make them think I'm dead!" Jack growled.

He wanted to stand up, but under Danny's icy stare he felt locked into his seat. His expression was mostly blank, but Jack could see a twitch in his brow and tilt to his lips. He could see it, but he couldn't read it. Ghosts were easier to read than this, ghosts weren't usually very subtle.

"Not all ghosts are the same." Danny repeated, his voice was so quiet now, tentative and fragile.

He walked over to the sink, Jack wanted to get up, wanted to keep his eyes on Danny and the ghost that might be controlling him, but he couldn't seem to make his legs work. The command still rang in his ears. Sit. Down.

"We aren't going to get anywhere like this." Danny filled up a glass of water and placed it in front of Jack. "Pick it up."

It wasn't a command, Danny's expression had softened once more.

"Please."

Jack narrowed his eyes in suspicion, but he did as requested. He could feel the cold glass in his hand, the condensation on his fingers, but as he tried to lift it... the glass remained as it was. His hands simply slipping over it.

He tried again, and again, it wasn't as though it was slippery, or heavy, or even that he couldn't grip it. The glass felt normal, his hands felt normal, the glass just wouldn't... move.

Gritting his teeth in frustration he grabbed the glass and squeezed with all his strength, it didn't break. The water didn't even ripple.

"This is a trick..." said Jack. "It's just a trick..."

Red eyes and a bitter drink, people stood around him, faces blurred. He was falling, someone screamed.

Danny started rooting around in a nearby drawer, he pulled out a ragged newspaper cutout. The ink had run in some spots, he placed it down in front of Jack.

It was an obituary. It was his obituary. Tear stained and rough around the edges, torn from the rest of the paper instead of cut, he skimmed over it, almost unable to take it in.

Jack Jonathan Fenton... age 50... survived by his wife Maddie and two children Danny and Jazz...

There was a list of his degrees, complete and incomplete, engineering, physics, mathematics, it listed the names of his high school and university, his reputation as a local ghost hunter, a blurb about his dedication to his work and his love for his family. Jazz had written it, he could tell. She was so good with words.

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be, please." Danny's voice cracked, his eyes were bright with tears as he righted the knocked over chair and sat back down across from Jack, gripping his hand tightly.

Vlad leaning over him, Vlad gripping his hand, he was smiling, his teeth were sharp. Glass smashed, he'd dropped the drink. It was bitter.

He could almost still taste it.

"No..."

Maddie running past him in the lab, like he wasn't even there, crying. Jazz at the breakfast table, not seeing not hearing, eyes red and puffy. They hadn't looked at him, not once had they looked at him. They couldn't see him, they really couldn't see him.

But Danny could.

"If... I'm a ghost," the words tasted foul and heavy on his tongue, "and you aren't... why can you see me?"

Danny sighed, still holding tight to Jack's hand.

"It's complicated." he said, staring down at the table.

"Vlad, he did this. I'm..." Jack whispered. "But his eyes were... he was overshadowed. It was a ghost that-."

"He wasn't overshadowed." Danny kept his gaze averted, his expression was hard and cold. "It was the accident with the proto-portal, it changed him. He-"

Danny choked up, tears were slipping from his eyes, he gasped a few unsteady breaths.

"He blamed you, he blamed you and wanted to kill you, he's been trying since the attack at the reunion. I tried to protect you dad I tried I tried I'm sorry, I didn't know about the poison until it was too late I'm sorry, I couldn't get there in time I couldn't-"

Danny's sobs shook his whole body, he buried his head in his arms, shaking hands still clasped around Jack's.

Red eyes, sharp teeth, the reunion...

"The Wisconsin Ghost," how had he not seen it? "He's the Wisconsin Ghost."

Then another thought struck him. He looked at his son like he'd never seen him before, sobbing loudly, painfully, his body wracked with spasms as he choked on every breath. He had been trying to protect him, all this time he had known and was protecting him, alone.

When Jack had been told to sit, compelled to sit, unable to move and paralysed with terror, had he imagined the glint of green in his son's eyes? He knew a ghost with green eyes, who could incapacitate someone with a single terrifying scream, who was mortal enemies with the Wisconsin Ghost, who claimed to be a protector, who looked just like a kid.

Danny had been in the lab that day, when the portal turned itself on.

Had the portal turned itself on?

Jack stood, his legs finally acting of his own accord once more, and he rounded the table to pull his son into a tight hug.

"Oh Danny, it was you, the ghost boy, it was you."

"I'm sorry dad, I'm so sorry." The words wouldn't stop pouring from his lips, tumbling over and over. Jack's chest grew tight from the pain in his voice.

He ran a hand over his son's hair and shushed him gently.

"It's okay Danny-boy, it's not your fault, you did your best. I'm so proud of you son, we should have realised, you did so much all on your own, I'm so proud of you." It was Jack's turn to start blubbering.

"I should have told you." said Danny, voice muffled against Jack's chest.

He and Maddie always talked about all of the things that they would do to Phantom if they had ever caught him, they'd talked about it during family dinners. Danny had sat there listening, the whole time he had been right there listening.

"I... understand why you didn't." said Jack.

Danny had stopped shaking, he pulled away from Jack and wiped his eyes.

"Vlad told mom that he'd been overshadowed, she's been out hunting for the Wisconsin Ghost all week." Danny sniffed, "I wanted to tell her the truth, I wanted to so badly but Vlad he... he said he'd go for Jazz next. Said if he got past me once he could do it again. I couldn't risk it."

Jack had never understood why a ghost would choose to remain tethered, why they couldn't just move on and leave the living to go about their business in peace. He always told himself that when he died he would never return, he would take what was to come with open arms.

But that wasn't what happened. He'd gotten up to start his day as usual, but he was already dead. There had been no choice, and were he given one now, he didn't think he could bring himself to take it.

His family still needed him, how could he leave them behind? It wasn't wrong if he stayed to protect his family, right?

Jack placed a heavy hand on Danny's shoulder, and gently knocked his chin with a large fist.

"Buck up kiddo, I might need to get a handle on this whole bein' a ghost thing but when I do," Jack's voice dropped into a low, dangerous growl and, for just a brief moment, his eyes flashed a vibrant green, "I'm not gonna let him hurt anyone else."

#lula's fanfics #danny phantom #Bitter #jack fenton #am I projecting my neurodivergant ass on this man absolutely not how dare you sir #I just find not being able to tell if people are lying to me super relatable #danny phantom fanfiction #thanks y'all who told me how to do the readmores