#and also the only artist that asked for a ceasefire | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

allamericansbitch · 6 months

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Listen I’m a big believer that celebs should shut the fuck up most of the time but the thing with neutral artists who never take a stance, especially white people is that they will unknowingly invite a very racist fandom.

As a poc in this fandom, I’m used to swifties being racist but my god over these last couple of weeks, seeing big accounts cyber bully a Palestinian swiftie for wanting Taylor to sign a ceasefire letter is so mind-boggling. They always make hypothetical scenarios where they’re like “It’s gonna put her in danger, what is they b0mb the stage?! You can’t expect Taylor to speak about everything!” And it’s just so tone deaf, rude, and insensitive.

We reach a point in this genocide that a lot of Palestinians no 1 ask for the rest of the world just to amplify their voice because a lot of the donation trucks are not allowed to enter Gaza and the ones that do, the UN are selling the donations instead of giving them for free. So why is it such a wild concept for racist swifties that a lot of people are asking Taylor to speak up? This is the biggest thing happening in the world right now, she literally wrote “It’s time to use your voice” in her latest story and we’ve seen time and time again how big of an impact Taylor has.

saying arguably the most famous person on the planet rn should not speak up about palestine is not only admitting they don’t care about what palestinians IN palestine are asking for but they also care more about a pop star than the life and death of millions

this is so well put and i completely agree. taylor's silence provides comfort and a safe place for hateful people because she does not give them a reason not to feel supported, her silence creates space for them whether she knows that or not. and this can apply to politics in general because she's gone fully silent and hasn't taken a stance on anything in like 3+ years, but specifically about Palestine.

The fans who are making up hypotheticals about the terrible things that could happen if taylor dares to say anything about Palestine are some of the most ignorant, unself aware people i've ever seen. 'what if she becomes a threat' 'people could get hurt' 'they could bomb a show', hey guess what... all of that stuff is currently happening. at this very moment. to Palestines. They are being bombed, targeted and threatened as we speak but thats not what they care about, they care about the hypothetical scenario of a billionaire not being safe. A billionaire who, within seconds of any hint of a threat has an abundance of resources to keep herself and everyone around her safe. Palestines cannot even imagine that privilege those fans are ignoring. Imagine looking at a Palestinian and saying 'sorry she cant speak up and support you, her safety might be threatened'. All of the worst hypotheticals they can imagine happening to Taylor are currently happening to Palestinians but they dont matter as much to them i guess.

Fans will really expose themsleves and how little they actually care about real life cruelty in order to defend a women who will never be their friend. 'her saying anything wont change anything', it might not, or maybe it will.... so human life isnt worth the chance of finding out? 'she's not a politician she's a singer' so singers cant care about genocide? singers are above the deaths of a nation? 'she might get hurt' so you care more about the hypothetical hurt of a stranger than the real life hurt of thousands, mostly children. Fans speaking on behalf of or dismissing the suffering of Palestinians to make their fav pop star not look bad is indeed a disturbing thing.

Taylor first hand knows how powerful her fandom is, with the re-recordings, breaking records, being on the biggest tour of her career and it selling out immediately all over the world. she knows her fans can move mountains, she saw it with voter registrations going up and spiking the second she finally spoke up about politics. she knows her words are some of the most heard around the world and her choosing to not denounce genocide says a lot about her, none of it surprising. that environment of indifference and silence invites hateful people and a hateful environment for those who want morality and change. people will bend over backwards to protect someone who doesnt protect others less fortune and privileged than she is. we know she probably isnt gonna say anything about this, she cant even take a stance on american politics, not even on a state level. denouncing a genocide is too much for her, it might make people mad at her, god forbid. she values ticket sales and her popularity over morality and change, it's that simple. And she’s found a fanbase that feels the same way.

#answered #anonymous

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luxurybrownbarbie · 5 months

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No bc people are really being obtuse about showing that movie in Israel. Did you see that video of the movie with a bunch of Israeli people and flags in the theater singing you won’t break my soul? Like she really built a brand around freedom and liberation and justice and going against the grain, then allowed people in a colonizing state to view it and proceed to associate themselves with it.

Idk I just really feel like this era of celebrity is done. I wanted to ask your opinion about that for a while, but took some time to myself to come to terms with what the future looks like for me. I can’t imagine being a fan of anyone so…nonchalant about genocides and human rights violations when they know that one word from them could mobilize millions. It’s not required of them, but it’s also not required of me to support anyone who is past the point of getting the benefit of the doubt. It’s been two months and all our faves have caved or stayed silent. All of them.

It’s so disheartening.

I haven’t spoken about this publicly here,only privately on my Substack; nor will I speak about it more on here beyond this, but one of my closest friends lost her entire family, 30 people, in these airstrikes. She has been inconsolable for almost a month, and there is nothing we can do to help her. It costs nothing for celebrities to post about wanting peace or a ceasefire at the bare minimum.

There are contracts and I know it opens the artist up to a long set of lawsuits to breach them, but a simple post advocating for peace is the simplest thing you can do. I wish she did, I get why she’s not. This doesn’t cloud my love of the tour or the album, but it does make me sad. I also wish people would stick to the plot when discussing this issue. I’ve seen reviewers try to bring in her deceased uncle to make a point, and that’s where you lose me. The matter at hand is what’s important.

And the problem isn’t with celebrities, it’s with the fans! Everyone is a stan now, and the art of critique is out the window. Stan culture is toxic and empty. It’s okay to be a fan of someone for their art, but when they become an intrinsic part of your being and personality? And suddenly they cannot do any wrong? That’s where things get messed up.

#I will expand upon this later!#this is a very high level post and I’m sorry anon :(#but talking about my friend losing her family still makes my hands shake and my chest tight #and big thank you to fromaseyewithlove for talking me off my metaphorical ledge that day! 💛💛💛#answered #.

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pinkishflowersilverycoin · 3 months

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Ok guys, in the recent news about one of the actors of The Chosen joining the IDF, along with Jenkins openly supporting Israel from the begining, I want to bring something else we can look at.

Despite not saying out loud (surely at the risk of been fired from everywhere when Marvel already fired him), in the twitter account of Jeff Loveness, the writer of the Judas comic, already liked posts of several Pro-Palestine accounts. Even liking the ones that asks for a ceasefire.

I don't have the whole picture but it seems that Loveness is in Palestine's favor. Just in a more subtle way considering his actual position.

As for the artist, Jakub Rebelka, there's no mentions of the conflict but it shouldn't be surprising. The man is a freelance artist. Getting a work this days is even harder than before. Who knows, maybe he supports Palestine too but could tell it at the open, considering how even the Zionists control the comic industry.

If they're supporting or even helping in between the shadows, I think it's also valid. True, they need to be paid for work, but also they could donate part of that money in secret, so no one could threaten their careers.

If all of this is true, support Loveness and Rebelka.

There's people out there who still go against the Zionists.

Support and spread the love for the Judas comic. True, maybe it doesn't have the impact of The Chosen in the internet, but gave us the perfect outcome for both Jesus and Judas, both trapped and doomed for the narrative.

And only love can set them free.

Please! Don't forget to support any other Pro-Palestine artist you can find and donate to any Palestinian charity you can remember. Gaza and it's people depend on our generous heart as Jesus could had wanted to happen.

#judas iscariot #judas of kerioth #judas comic #anti zionism #pro palestine

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alarrytale · 2 months

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marte, about the zionist thing. I feel like Harry never speaks out about stuff like that because he’s afraid to show support because it might kill his career. I also feel like he is too obsessed with his career that he is willing to suck up to the worst people to get it. This fandom always gave me the impression that Harry is a push-over or can't think for himself or easily believes everything (tattoo artist Black Carrot also said how his former friends Lou Teasdale and her bf had a bad influence on Harry) I feel like this might be the case since harry keeps hanging out with these people....what do you think?

Also, marte, always when zayn calls out people in his songs like "fake friends" a lot of zquads think he is talking about harry. A lot of solo zayn fans really hate harry and talk about how harry (and the other 1d boys) never stood up for zayn when he was being discriminated because of his color. This feeling only became stronger when Harry won a Grammy and Zayn tweeted about how awful the Grammy's are....I feel like Z also doesn’t like harry bc he sees H is kind loosing himself in order to become a hollywood supernova. Solo zaynies also say h wanted the hiatus for himself and was mad when z left first.

Final question (sorry😅) do you enjoy harry and louis' music?.....because I like their taste less and less....

Absolutely final question (😂sorry), do you also feel like the GP is starting to dislike harry more and more...because the moment somebody makes a nasty comment about Harry it gets like tons of likes (20k). Only solo harries like him, but I feel like the GP don't really like Harry....if you agree, why do you think that is?

Hi, anon!

I agree that one of the reasons he might not speak up is because of his career. The issue is polarising. If he speaks up he'll lose fans and if he doesn’t speak up he'll lose fans. He's in a bind though, because while some of the people in power, his management, coworkers and friends are zion*ists or zioni*ts-sympathisers, the majority of his fans are not. The majority of his fans wants him to acknowledge the genocide and ask for a ceasefire. It might lose him brand deals and opportunities if he does speak up. But if he's not in a postition to take that risk and be that brave i order to do the right thing, who is?

I think it's a big difference between being a 16 year old wannabe celebrity moving alone to London from a small northern village and being a well established 30 year old successful man. He might have been easily influenced when he was younger and powerless, but he should have some world experience now and grown to have his own values and opinions, and not just adopting others.

About Zayn. I think there is some jealousy there stemming from H being shown preference during 1D and groomed to be a star. H was given privilege not afforded to Z. I think fake friends is a general critisism of not being able to trust people's intentions in wanting to befriend you when you are a celebrity. H does have a lot of fake friends. And the Grammy's are awful, Z is right. I think the Zaynies (Zquad?) are judging H for things out of his control. He's is losing himself in order to become a superstar, but it's not of his own choosing.

I enjoy Louis' music, i don't listen to Harry's (only heard about five songs ever). I'm pretty sure the more they both move away from the pop genre and the less mainstream the sound is, the less people are going to like it. I don't care what their own taste in music is as long as they stick to making pop. I'm concerned about where Louis is taking his sound and image for his next album. It might not be as bad as i fear. We'll have to see.

I do feel a negative shift in how people in general percieve Harry. He's getting more and more critisism on social media and a lot of the critisism is warranted. It's from both his own fandom, other fandoms and the gp. He's got image problems, relatability problems, overexposure problems, an authenticity problem and a hypocrisy problem. He's not addressing anything so the rumours, false image and false impressions people have of him just grows and grows. He's not doing anything to manage any of it. I don't know where this will lead. We'll have to wait and see.

#zayn #fandom #harry image #zionism #onedee #hshq #solo louis #solo harry

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 5 months

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I've always supported Louis and Harry, as a unit and individually. Their silence regarding Palestine has made me want to distance myself from them. I am aware Harry has never tried to hide being a Zionist in some capacity and I feel I have been ignoring it for the longest time in order to stan without feeling guilty and that's entirely on me. I am also aware that Louis' politics are also pretty pathetic.

I haven't been sitting back doing nothing expecting them to do something about it, I don't think in the grand scheme of things their stance matters much. I have been doing what I can for the cause in my own way.

I know the obvious thing to do is step back when it is not giving me joy, that's not what I'm conflicted about. My question is what are your thoughts on expecting a celeb to sign a ceasefire letter, make their stance clear or even attend a protest? Is it unreasonable? Are artists required to do this or should fans just learn to separate art from artists?

I think it might be useful to separate two different questions - one what it means to be a fan and the other what it's reasonable to expect from a celebrity.

You ask 'should fans just learn to separate art from artists' - and one of my problems with that framing is that it puts a particular weight on fans - as if fans have some kind of special status and interest as a group - or even relate to artists in the same way. And I think it's important to understand both that calling yourself a fan doesn't give you a special claim to someone else (I talked about this yesterday). There are many different ways of thinking about celebrities - and you make the choice about what that means to you.

I think that opens up to my next point which is you start this by saying that you've always supported Louis and Harry - and I can see if that's how you see this then that does create a challenge. I don't really see what I'm doing as supporting Louis and Harry. There's a literal truth to that - I'll buy tickets to see them if they come to New Zealand, but I haven't bought any of their albums and I don't stream. It's not just that I don't see what I do as supporting them - in quite a literal way it's not supporting them. But it's also a truth about how I do what I'm doing - I am here for me and my pleasure (and mostly for what I find interesting). I'm saying this to demonstrate that you have a choice in terms of how you think of fandom and what you do. If you do enjoy it here - then maybe just start stealing stuff if you decide you don't want to support them.

There are lots of different ways of relating to a celebrity and I think the more options you feel there are the easier it is to figure out the response. There are definitely lots more options than seeing your relationship as one of active support and entirely separating the art from the artist. Could you move into a space where you can still have whatever gives you joy, but doesn't feel like actively supporting people?

**********

So the second thing - what is it reasonable to expect from a celebrity? And my answer is - the same thing that you could expect from anyone else on this earth.

I think it's very important to reject the idea that celebrities have special responsibilities or power. It leads to really bad politics. I've probably said this before - but collective action is based over the idea that each of us is only tiny - but together we can build something much stronger. The fantasy that there's someone who is already really strong and who matters much more than us and can do the work for us - is just nonsense - and it's nonsense that will make people focus on the wrong place in changing celebrities rather than taking their own action.

As for the direct question you ask - I don't think there's anything wrong with expecting celebrities to take action to oppose genocide. But it's important to acknowledge that not everyone will - that people have political choices and will take them. Artists are not required to sign cease fire letters - and that's what makes the decision to sign meaningful from the people who do.

The only other thing that I'd advocate is a little uncertainty. When talking about your expectations around protests - you're not actually talking about an expectation that they attend protests - you're talking about an expectation that they show that they attend protests. We don't know all the actions celebrities are taking. For me personally, I'm happy stating that I think that there is an obligation to take action in the face of genocide - and realise that I won't know who is meeting that obligation and who isn't.

#I'm not sure I agree #that Harry hasn't hidden the fact that he supports the actions of the Israeli state #If he still does support those actions #he's been pretty silent about it since 2014 #I think he's hiding his views

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rantsintechnicolor · 6 months

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I love music; the hozier concert at santa barbara bowl October 28.

There are not many concerts I can report back on that really, really touch me. Things I really like to see:

The headlining artist thanks the opening artist

The headlining artist brings that artist back on stage to sing with them

The headlining artist introduces the band, stage hands, engineers, tour managers, etc.

The headliner gets personal with us, speaks from the heart, is authentically weird, talks about their inspirations.

Audience interaction; the headliner singles out members and/or invites the audience to sing along

The headliner observes the encore ritual (there are only a few concerts that have not observed the ritual and when they don’t I find it devastating)

Oh sure. I appreciate good production value, too. Lighting and visuals and props are nice. It’s nice, but not required.

Who has done this for me in the last two years? Who has hit all the marks? Kishi Bashi. Not Muse and not LP, though I still love them. And Hozier. Oh my! Our husband delivered all the things, but I was also struck by how good a person he is. If not 1, 2, and 3, then number 4 is unlikely to happen. But, wow. Number 4 exceeded in expectations.

Other things. Half his band is women. There were nine musicians, and four were women. All musicians got a solo, but he called out the names of the women most often for their performances. I guess that makes sense; his stage name is his mother’s maiden name.

Funny things. (a.) The women screaming and losing their minds when this musical god looking like a haggard Jesus, tall and lanky and graceful, walked out on the stage. Like he was Elvis or The Beatles. (b.) His dark humor. He introduced a song by saying: “I’m going to lighten the mood by singing a song inspired by seeing an animal get hit by a car.” W said, if he didn’t have dark humor he would not ,be her husband. I do like his sorrowful, melancholic, morbid whimsy, and I suppose I should have expected dark humor as well.

Human things. (a.) He stopped the band mid song when he was alerted to one of the audience members that fell down in the pit. He held up his hand toward the band and very gently, he said, “guys if we could pause please. Let’s pause. Someone has just gone down in the audience and I want to make sure they are all right before we continue. A lot can happen when you hit the ground. We can’t be too careful. I want to thank our audience for their patience and compassion.” The lights came up, and it took a few minutes, but the audience became quiet. When Hozier got the signal all was well they all resumed mid song. (b.) Call to action for peace. Hozier is from Northern Ireland which has a history of all sorts of turmoil and violence. He asked us kindly and gently to consider contacting our representatives to support the UN’s call for a ceasefire in the middle east. Apparently, the US did not support this resolution. He reminded us how instrumental international assistance was to brokering peace in Northern Ireland, allowing him to grow up in a peaceful place. Though a few people were shouting at him to Play Music, he held up a hand, beseeching their patience, and finished his short speech. (c.) When he talked about his inspiration, he talked about Mavis Staples, who he was so pleased to have worked with on Nina Cried Power. Her music was the poetry of the Civil Rights Movement, he said. And it directly influenced a civil rights movement in Northern Ireland. (d.) He did tell us he appreciated those of us doing the Halloween thing. He said hello to and excellent version of Super Mario in the pit, pronouncing it mary-o. Should I ever get a chance to chat with Hozier, I might ask him if he likes Halloween and if his songs are inspired by zombies and witches and cults.

Finally, I don’t cry at many concerts. But I absolutely did at this one. I won’t say what song made me lose it, nor why. But I’m sure I’m not the only one that got emotional there. I can’t be. That’s the power of music.

#concerts #hozier #i love music #when the celebrity is also a good human

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officialtayley · 6 months

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The other day I was blocked from an IG account I’ve followed for a long time bc I merely responded to their post with facts describing how it’s not a black and white issue. Rule 1 is if you’re going to use your platform to take a position, be prepared to engage in a respectful discourse, not to fight or argue, just merely to learn. Blocking people that make you think hard about what you’ve said or the position you’ve taken, and enjoying the echo chamber created, is not the way forward.

This situation is the most gray of the gray. It’s been going on for years and it will continue. The problem is, like all the other anons said, it’s fucking complex. Civilians should not die—everyone can agree. That is not even offering a take, that is assumed. But You cannot ask people—celebrity or not—to take a stand on something that they may, admittedly, not totally understand. There is nothing wrong with holding your tongue until you understand what you’re commenting on. However, here, the more you read and watch and discuss, the harder it gets to take a position.

I’m a Jew, i believe Israel should exist. I disagree with everything Hamas stands for AND I think killing civilians is wrong, I think hunkering down underneath a civilian hospital is INSANE and I think hoarding supplies, food, and water is abhorrent. I believe women should have rights, I believe LGBTQ+ people like myself should not just exist, but thrive. I am not really in favor of any country, or person, who wants to kill me for being who I am. How does one reconcile these issues? It’s so fucking difficult. The only position to take is, try and save civilian lives. The rest is too much.

first off the workers at the hospital have done tours to try and prove that it is literally just them and civilians there. second, it shouldn't be hard to take a position when artists in particular can make it very known they also call for a ceasefire as there is a letter that many have signed, which would mean they do not agree with the killing of any civilians. almost 10,000 palestinians have been killed and people act like it's so damn hard for people with a voice, a platform, one they often use, to even do something as simple as agree with a ceasefire. it's very easy to simply spread links to call or email your reps, to sign petitions, links that direct people to protests and other things.

#aftalafta #answered

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linguaignota · 2 years

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soundtracks for the blind is such an insane piece of art. at its core it’s one of the most and raw and bleak collections of music, not dissimilar to a vignette in its composition. it draws on topics that are uncomfortable at best and unbearable at worst, but you can’t look away from the story because you can’t stop listening. the noise it incorporates is on the tipping point of heavy but is still so sparse when needed. the incorporation of found sound - the parents, the interrogation, the sex worker, the recollections of childhood - interspersed with jarboe’s equally guttural and warbling vocals and michael’s petulant and demanding ones keep the massive piece cohesive despite its scattered nature. the album becomes a patchwork of the human experience that is so cohesive because it contains so much that it can’t possibly be contained.

i also love the thematic span of the album. neglect, guilt, fear, and disappointment crop up frequently. but one thing the album does magnificently (that others attempt but ultimately fail) is that it does not cut away from unsavory topics. rather, it handles these without the overdramatic spectacle of horror found in other artists that often fails to deliver on the actual severity of the subject matter. soundtracks for the blind discusses rawly yet with few words topics like childhood abuse, pedophilia, addiction, and sexual guilt from one song to another. it feels like prodding at open wounds. over and over again, peeling back the scab then asking “what now? what now?” only there is no solution. at its core, that is what the album postulates. existence is pocketed with these horrors and the most real, absolute fears come not from the crescendos of total ear shattering sound but rather the gaps of silence, the ceasefire between them.

#soundtracks for the blind #swans #michael gira #jarboe #experimental music

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peppermintbuttlemon · 3 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/peppermintbuttlemon/741646939360280576/the-list-included-only-american-artists-but-you

The list did not just include Americans. Read it again, and better inform yourself before spewing incorrect information that fuels your bias. There are plenty of non American entertainers who signed it, who can’t even vote in the US because they aren’t citizens. It was a letter praising Biden for his efforts in aiding with Israel and condemning the terrorist attack while asking for the release of hostages.

The Red Cross is a neutral stance, it does not exonerate him from speculation. That said, it is possible that many of the people who signed that letter back in October have become better informed and have since changed their stance. Regardless his name remains on the letter and only he can dismiss the inquiries into where he stands in the issue or to confirm his involvement. The timing is also still questionable because in the same day a ceasefire letter was also being peddled around to celebs and many signed that one.

👆👆👆

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wonderfail33 · 5 months

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imma write here cause on another blog i have posted something in support of palestine and i genuinely want to continue with that.

however i am also tired. and ashamed of being tired. i am horrified and numb at the same time.

i fail because of "boycott fatigue" (i fall into old habits in a careless, tired, maybe ill moment) and my thought process is that this one time doesnt matter because i am still generally following the boycott, and it also doesnt make a difference because so many people arent.

such as my friends.

people that i love deeply have refused to sign a petition at the very start of the "war" for pur country to demand ceasefire.

people that i love dearly have confused palestine for pakistan and i was left speechless.

at moments i wonder: how can i care so deeply? one might argue that i dont care deeply enough if im imperfect with my boycott. one might argue that i am a privileged brat for being exhausted after so little.

but i care deeply enough for it to affect me mentally.

i cannot follow content to keep up with events because it makes me genuinely depressive (rightly so. everything is horrifying).

i cannot sit in peace if im not shown content about current events. i dont want to be complicit, but i am, by the fact that i am born in europe. i could be a literal saint and would still be complicit.

i cannot make peace with this.

and there are other things. and im depressed in general. today i was in the city centre, it was a bright day with fresh air, a blue sky, and i was waiting for my bus. i felt like my life is a mistake, beause my brain cannot be happy similarly to how i have seen other people be happy. i looked up at a seagull flying overhead, saw the way the sunlight lit up its feathers. the world is beautiful. and i wanted to cry.

a homeless man stopped to ask me if i was crying and why.

i feel fake, i feel alien, i feel useless and i feel complicit. who would i talk to? therapy is white supremacy.

my therapist has told me that i focus my energy on current events to escape my life and find emotional release. such a double bind

i want to care about current events, i want to help other people, and yet there is this question to it. do i are to avoid my own life? i don't do this on purpose. and i would hate myself if i had to force myself to not care.

my natural state is caring about this. and i wonder why. it feels broken, relative to other people. so many in my surroundings only care about themselves.

a tangent. i genuinely suck at feminine beauty. i wonder why. my mother is a beautiful woman. she was a beautiful girl. my father is handsome. my ancestors are beautiful. why do i fail at beuty, then?

i fail at skincare because it wasnt taught to me. i know my mother had beauty products, old makeup, that always felt like a treasure when i managed to get into it. she didnt use them. and she also didnt teach me to use them. my mother was busy with her mental health and with my brother.

she commented on how nicely i grew up by myself (while my brother had to be raised / developed because of his disabilities). and then she looks at me and wonders where her little girl is.

her little girl is so abandoned. she is so lost. she has been alone for 20 years. she felt ignored, she felt attacked, she felt that she was not defended, she needed to grow up, be smart, be responsible qnd needed to take it.

now that im all grown up she feels like she has missed out on being my mother. and she has!

my father has been physically abusive and i still feel more...attached to him. god i just realised why i have disorganized attachment.

[there is no intent, this is just emotion i want to express] i want to die at this point.

this is why so many artists have offed themselves at 27. at this loint, either you have grown into a secure person, or you may not be aware of your issues and compensate well...or, and i think this is the dangerous option, you may be aware of some of your issues and they just feel so overwhelming. you might think, my frontal lobe is now done. i am an adult. i can look back at my life and reflect on it and i see a lot of shitty events. i can look back on my childhood expectations and see that i have failed so much of them. i can look at my inner teen and they won't even look back. and i can look at my recent mindset and expectations and all this in one big pile feels like too much shit for my recently adult brain to handle.

i just think of how i'm only gonna get "older", of how i am a "useless" woman, if i were a man i would at least be a fucking bachelor or some shit but im just a lonely unwanted woman that doesnt even want kids so she will die alone...

oh god i am so fucked in the head.

so yeah its not (only?) that i want to take my mind off myself with current events but once i realise how i relate to current events, it's all just too much.

second tangent.

i started thinking about how i even knew about palestine. and the holocaust. i saw posts that american parents try to figure out when to tell kids about the nazis. and i dare not mention how poc kids grow up, with all the racism there. an i realised i did not learn of palestine, jewish people, or even the holocaust from my parents. no, i was a good little child, i read fiction, and i read my fathers medical biology textbook (idk, i loved it). i learned of these in school, from a teacher who managed to somehow speak to my neglected teenage heart who just wanted society to all play nice, and from her i learned of the palestinian people. in history calss i heard first of the holocaust, but this teacher mentioned it 2 years earlier and i had 0 clue what she was talking about. my classmates did, though.

i have always been behind on trends, pop culture, whatever else, partly because my parents took pg ratings very seriously. and partly because i was so isolated from other kids. i feel like i grew up in a tower, isolated, where visitors were allowed but never encouraged, and i... i wish i could undo that. i dont want to be the kid thats out of the loop and i dont want to learn qbout horrific things years after my peers have.

oh god i feel so useless.

"why do you feel useless, it was not your job as a teen to intuit this shit" idk man. i always felt so ashamed when i didnt know stuff that others did. not even because i was expecting to be better than them. but i didnt want to be less than them.

i am so done with the games i had to play as a human, as a girl. i wish i had been a plant instead.

my mother hugged me when i was little, and sometimes instead of nighttime stories, she told me about the "communist" dictatorship in our country that happened when she was young. why the fuck did she not tell me about the holocaust? or palestine? did i have to learn about hannuka from fucking arthur the animated series?

i also miss my grandparents. i know it has been very long since i talked with them. however i simply cannot make myself. i am ashamed of my grandfather, and i am angry at him. he is supposed to be an intelligent man! and he has such a bad worldview, he has prejudices that he himself days he had contrary experiences to, and yet he holds them! i am supposed to love him but his views disgust me! i am supposed to love my grandmother, who couldnt forgive my mother for divorcing my father once their relationship had become toxic, and who trusted her son so little that she wanted to get information out of me, the woman that made herself a pity party when i was failing at university! how can i love them? how can i hate them? why are these feelings so close to each other?

im pretty sure i have also hurt my family members. i dont wanna say these were justified, that would be fucking foolish. but i was a kid and it was their job to introduce me to living in society and in my opinion they have fucking failed at that!

did they fail because of their own malice? no! they were doing their best! but your best is not enough for 2 kids when one is disabled, no one has processed their own traumas and we are also living in a postcommunist country years behind "the west"! it was simply not fuckig enough! and i dont want to say that its my brothers fault because how the fuck would it be, it is also not my fault that i was born... but it was his appearance that stirred this cocktail the most.

on the other hand, i simply cannot die, being a daughter of witches, nazis, drunks and cheaters, i still was born and given the opportunity to do something! i just need a way.

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tf2-hellhole · 3 years

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can we get some fluffy tf2 headcannons? giving you full creative liberty over this one! :)

Idk if you meant tf2 x reader headcanons or just general head canons, so I did two sections for each merc; the first point is a general headcanon, the second is X Reader.

sorry this took forEEEEEEEEVER, I was just experiencing burnout and working on a prize for a contest on my server (BTW WE HAVE A NEW DRAWING CONTEST GO CHECK IT OUT)

Scout:

Scout is actually really self-concious about his intelligence. He’s not very bright and he knows it, and it makes him feel horrible. He had flunked out of high school and struggled in most of his core classes. He honestly feels really stupid and he hates when people point it out. But luckily for him, a lot of the other mercs understand what it’s like to be looked down upon and empathize with him. Quite a few of them help him relearn the skills he never mastered in school. Engie helps him with math, Spy sometimes helps him with writing, and even Pyro has him read children’s books to them to improve his reading.

Scout absolutely loves little casual dates. Stuff like going out to eat lunch, going to the movies, maybe just cuddling up in his quarters and watching a movie. He tries to plan one every week. His dream date is taking you back to Boston to meet his family and go to a Red Sox game. But obviously, since you’re both in New Mexico at the time, he’s going to have to shelve that dream for a few years.

Soldier:

Soldier is an excellent raccoon dad. At first, the other mercenaries thought they’d all end up dead by the end of the month when he first found them. But surprisingly, they are are very well cared for. They’re all fed regularly and basically have his entire assigned quarters to themselves. He loves every single one of them dearly, even the ones that hiss and scratch him every time. The raccoons, at least some of them, are kind of like weird, quiet dogs, and actually get along pretty well with most of the other mercenaries.

Soldier is a surprisingly very physically affectionate partner, and he’s not at all opposed to PDA. He loves hand holding, cheek kisses, cuddles, the whole nine yards. Whenever he’s particularly excited, he loves to run up to you, scoop you up into his arms, and press a hard, sloppy kiss to your lips. Of course, he’s careful to not hurt you, but he’s a very intense, emotional guy and he needs to express all that love he has for you!

Pyro:

Pyro is and excellent listener, so they’re a person a lot of the other mercenaries depend on to vent. Demo often comes to them to vent about his emotions, Scout, Sniper, or Medic will rant about what’s bothering them, and even Engineer will talk about his stress. And of course, Pyro doesn’t understand a lot of what is told to them, but they’re still happy to help them feel a little better, and they would happily do it a hundred times over to make their friends feel better.

Pyro has a hobby of baking and making candy/treats, and they love sharing everything they make with you. When they first gave you a treat, you honestly thought it’d be burnt or bad in some other way. But to your surprise, it was amazing! They’re actually and excellent cook, but they just love making sweet things the best. They’ll make you just about anything you could ask for without hesitation, but they’re best at making anything sweet.

Demo:

Demo obviously has the potential to pretty emotional when he’s drunk, there’s no doubt about that. But on the off-chance that he’s sober, he’s actually pretty sweet and considerate. Though he still is a rough-housing joker, he’s much more considerate of his friends’ feelings and has deeper and more meaningful conversations with them. He often likes to go to bars with his friends and co-workers on ceasefire weekends, having lots of fun conversation, drinking together, and generally causing chaos around town.

Demo, to put it simply, doesn’t like himself. He’s critical of everything, from his skills to race, because people have always put him down about them. His mother told him he’s lazy and unskilled too many times to count, just everyone makes fun of his eye, and many have made fun of his skin color. But you make him feel so much better about himself. Just the fact that someone so kind and gorgeous is actually with him makes him feel like he’s not as horrible as he thought. There’s been a couple of times where you’ve accidentally almost brought him to tears with a sweet compliment or show of affection, because he never thought in a million years that someone would love him and care for him like you do. He feels so blessed that he has someone like you.

Heavy:

I know the fandom’s decided that Engie is the Team Mom and makes the food, but I also think that Heavy cooks a lot too. He makes all of his own food, so he often makes a lot of extras to feed the team because a lot of them just eat junk food and Medic’s always complaining about their eating habits. Heavy often takes like half the food for himself (he does have a huge appetite and loves food, so he likes to take a lot) and just boxes up the leftover portions and leaves them in the fridge for the team to take. He says he’s only doing it because they can’t work properly if they’re unhealthy, but he also does it because he cares about their health. A little bit.

At first, you wouldn’t think Heavy’s the most cuddly guy. But surprise, he actually loves giving and receiving physical affection. He just doesn’t show it often out of respect for your boundaries, and doesn’t do it around others. His absolute favorite thing is to cuddle you against his chest. Sometimes it’s when going to sleep, or cuddling on the couch, or maybe just a quick hug. He just loves the feeling of your head resting against his chest and your arms trying (and failing) to wrap around his torso. It makes him feel like you’re safe. Nobody could ever get you when you’re wrapped up in his arms.

Engie:

You’d think Sniper’s the only nature nerd on the team, but Engie absolutely loves the outdoors, as well as animals. It’s because his father would often take him out camping every couple of months. It was often the only time he would get 1-on-1 time with his usually very busy father. So he does love the great outdoors, especially that of his home state. He especially loves animals. He was raised on a farm and helped take care of lots of injured wild animals with his mother. He absolutely loves pets and would like to have many when he retires. His dream is to have is own ranch, with horses and cows and a bunch of dogs and the whole shebang.

Engie absolutely loves playing the guitar, so of course he loves playing for you. He learns all sorts of sweet love songs to sing to you. He’s an excellent player and actually has a pretty decent singing voice (think Johnny Cash, he kinda has that singing style). I hope you like country music, because that’s all he’s going to sing to you until you give him some requests or he finds out your favorite artists or genres. You can tell how happy he is every time he gets to surprise you with a new song he learned, and he’d be a giddy, laughing mess if you sang along with him.

Medic:

You’d think this guy takes horrible care of his birds because of the environment he keeps them in, but his birds are actually exceptionally well cared for. He buys them only the best and most expensive bird food, gives them super high-quality water with vitamins n stuff in it, takes them to the vet regularly, the whole shebang. Yeah they get a little dirty from sitting around in his lab, but he always gives them a little bath at the end of the day to get all the blood and guts off.

Medic is honestly such a playful partner. Of course, around his co-workers he’s a little more professional; he still gives you soft touches, a kiss on the cheek, or a big smile, but that’s about it. In private, however, he’s such a sweetheart. He’s always sweeping you up into big hugs, kissing all over your face, and calling you all sorts of adorable nicknames in a variety of languages. It comes as a surprise, because you’d think he’d be a little more formal, but that’s really only for special occasions. It honestly brings him so much joy to have someone like you by his side, and every day he’s going to make sure you know just how grateful he is to have you in his life.

Sniper:

Sniper is an incredibly independent and self-sufficient man, but he’s also secretly a real mama’s boy. He loves his parents dearly and has a particularly close relationship with his mother. As well as sending them money every month, he sends them all sorts of gifts, letters, postcards, and souvenirs. He also makes sure to call them regularly. He goes home every couple of months to visit them, and one could see that he loves helping around the house and chatting with his parents. His mother loved gardening, so his number-1 favorite thing to do is help her in the garden.

Despite Sniper’s obvious lack of knowledge on self-care, he takes a lot of time out of his day to make sure you are happy, healthy, clean, and well-fed. He doesn’t hound you like a helicopter parent but he likes to ask how you’re feeling, if you’re hungry, stuff like that. It feels nice to know you’re taken care of or take care of you himself. If you switch it around and try to take care of him, however, he’s honestly baffled as to why you would care so much as to make sure he’s doing well. He does absolutely love the affection and attention he gets out of it though, it makes him feel loved.

Spy:

I’ve mentioned this before, but I have a head canon that Spy has a dog. Her name is Charlotte, and she’s an elderly Chihuahua. One would think he’d buy a French breed, but he found her out in the pouring rain one day and fell in love with her fluffy ears and spunky personality. She’s now 17 years old, extremely frail, missing most of her teeth, and extremely aggressive to anyone other than Spy, but he loves her dearly and pays for all of her medical expenses without batting an eye. And of course, she expresses her thanks with lots of kisses.

Spy loves dancing, and knows all kinds of dances, from flamenco to ballroom dancing to the Charleston to, canonically, disco. So of course, he’s dying to share all of the most romantic dances he knows with you. He’d love to actually teach you how to dance, rewarding you with kisses every time you finally get a move right and laughing softly when you make mistakes. But in reality, he just wants to use it as an excuse to dance with you against his chest and smother you in affection.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 x reader #tf2 x s/o #tf2 x y/n #tf2 x you #tf2 imagines #tf2 headcanons #tf2 scout #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro #tf2 demoman #tf2 heavy #tf2 engineer #tf2 medic #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy

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1ddiscourseoftheday · 3 years

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Tues 16 March ‘21

Zayn liked a post of singer Ingrid Michaelson wearing a Zayn shirt. How odd, I (and everyone else) thought, Zayn never publicly likes things what is going ON. Well SURE ENOUGH – Ingrid and Zayn collab OUT TONIGHT! WHAT! To Begin Again comes out Midnight EST tonight, omg, and not only that-- there’s a Zinterview coming out!! GQ (using a very cool aesthetic gif with the tag line Everyone is Watching) announced an interview with Zayn coming out TODAY (on newstands in Spain :| available everywhere else sometime later)- they say Zayn “discusses his latest album, his relationship with fans.” ZOMG!! We don’t have the whole thing yet, not being able to pop to a newstand in Spain personally, but there’s a cute picture of Zayn looking young and fresh in one of those gucci disney stripey shirts and his blue hair (so from last Dec-ish), and we got one teaser quote-- “I continually go against the grain when people tell me to do things a certain way, but my stubbornness and willingness to want to do things differently help me get through it.”

Niall is everywhere today in advance of his show tomorrow! He’s back on the golf (promoting) circuit, getting the word out about the Modest tournament- he says “I think some of the female golf professionals who currently play need to be celebrated more so these young girls have icons to look up to, and that was a part of the reason I was so passionate about making our event,” and that he wants to “educate these young girls and get rid of some of the pre-conceived ideas of golf being an old man’s sport.” He also mentioned the old Rio bread van story but with a twist, saying “often that was the only way of getting out of the hotel to see things or to get a bit of golf in” hmmm I feel like that was just your priority Neil but he does talk about how he used to play with Harry “out on tour for a bit of downtime” and says “Harry Styles was a pretty keen player at the time and the golf course was somewhere to chill out for us” (at least he doesn’t call him ‘grammy winner Harry Styles’ and I know it isn’t actually weird but the full name thing sounds so funny from him). There’s a sneak preview of him in the promo for Dermot O Leary’s new podcast series which looks awesome, and he congratulated Roman Kemp on his new documentary about the mental health/suicide crisis among young British men, calling it “eye opening and beautiful” and saying, “we must all look out for each other. The two ok rule, always ask twice.” And of course he’s promoting his SHOW, that’s TOMORROW-- he says he’s put together an acoustic set and makes a cute lil face and tells us “don’t you worry” about not going out this year “cause this little Irishman has got you covered”! THANKS little Irishman! But hey-- what about that Anne Marie collab from way back? Niall and Anne Marie both respond to a tweet asking just that to say… well literally nothing. They both just posted eyeball emojis. Hmph.

Grammy winner Harry Styles was spotted out to eat in Malibu in his favorite personal-time look, the bode ship jacket and floppy pants, and an official portrait with his grammy is up, very cute, an excellent Mona Lisa smirk and boa. Alicia Silverstone (Cher from Clueless herself!) took to twitter to compliment Harry on the “Clueless vibes” of his grammys look- “Cher would be so honored (and totally approve!!) of this chic look,” but backing vocalist India Shawn shows some regret after braving the world of twitter harries all week-- “some of y’all are annoying.” Very mildly put, I can only imagine, I hope Alicia doesn’t get any trouble. Oh and Brazilian artist Fiuk spilled that someone in 1D flirted with him back when they partied in 2014 and he now regrets not going for it (even though the reason he didn’t was that he’s straight). Pictures from that party of him being firmly gripped around the waist by a happy looking Harry circulated, but all five of the boys were there and drunk and of course there’s no reason to believe (knowing what we know about how they are, ie casually flirty) that whoever it was was actually prepared to follow through on any flirting, but who can’t relate to “I’m the wrong sexuality but is there really a WRONG sexuality to want to smooch a member of 1D?”

A couple of the guys from Only The Poets talk about Louis and how amazing Kill My Mind is (“that is a FUCKING CHUNE THOUGH”) and reveal that Louis agrees with me that Ceasefire is the OTP tune that matters. Twitter louies started Louniversity, an account that helps louies with school, so if you trust twitter stans to give accurate info that seems very sweet, and dusted off the Buy Defenseless push, which is always nice right, love that song- except when people are doing it to be dicks about Fine Line pushing back up in the itunes (and probably other) charts due to Harry’s grammy win, which is stupid. FFS if you’re not into someone just ignore them, not everything has to be so hostile all the time jeez.

#zayn #niall horan #harry styles #louis tomlinson #my friend gave me a like 2011 twink louis magnet she got at a thrift store today and guess what I LOVE IT SO MUCH #stripey shirt preternaturally pretty airbrushed smile the works #someone seeing a louis item in the wild and thinking I KNOW WHO NEEDS THIS is a yes from me #16 mar 21

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bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture · 3 years

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Time for the rest of the first challenge. Event. Whatever. Words hard.

[No. 26 - Chase Down The Leader]

We flashback just a minute or so from where we left off, in order to see just how Izuku pulled off his impressive launch across the field. He stands at the start of the minefield, watching other students pick their way through - and occasionally setting off mines with missteps - while having a veritable mumblefest over the mines and the general issue of trying to pick past them.

The general gist of the mumbling: The mines are the type that blow up when stepped on, and aren’t that strong, but can throw a student off enough to possibly cause a chain reaction and lose them a lot of time. It’s better to go slow to avoid damage, even for leaping types, and trying to slow others is a guaranteed time loss. Izuku then analyzes the field in front of him, noting the spots people avoid and that most students will be most on guard at the entrance, which means there are plenty of mines left for his plan so long as they stay frosty.

Izuku puts his armor plate to work digging up mines, muttering about how anti-personnel mines should only be 14 centimeters or so deep (about 6 inches). Jirou, just making her way into the field and using her quirk to… I guess disable mines in front of her? Anyway, she actually notices Izuku is up to something and asks what he’s doing, though I think it’s not one she expects to get answered. In short order, Izuku has a pile of about a dozen mines, and mentally claims he’s taking a page from Kacchan’s book. Meanwhile, Present Mic announces Shouto and Katsuki are still in the lead, and that they’re about to cross the finish line.

Not for long, though, as Izuku names his adhoc maneuver ‘great blasting turbo speed’, throwing himself on top of his armor sheet and onto the pile of mines, launching him over the field and right towards the two leading the pack. Pretty much everyone hesitates or stops to stare for a moment, shook by the sheer brass balls it had to take to literally blow yourself sky high. The two most shook, of course, are Shouto and Katsuki, who only just start moving again when Izuku actually flies ahead of them, forgoing their fight in order to catch back up.

Izuku considers the whole experience intense, and is even more focused now that he’s managed to gain the lead. However, there’s one huge issue - he didn’t think far enough ahead to consider how he was going to land. As if that’s not enough, Katsuki is throwing himself forward with more explosions, screaming at ‘Deku’ to get back there (presumably to fight). Shouto’s not far behind, giving up keeping the others hindered in exchange for the speed he gets from icing over the field ahead of him - he doesn’t have time to worry about those behind him now.

Present Mic announces the temporary ceasefire between the two in order to chase down Izuku, and how when a common enemy appears, people stop fighting - then tacks on that, well, actually they’re still fighting, just not each other. Aizawa wonders what his friend is even trying to say.

Izuku starts floating away from his armor sheet, the larger surface area causing it to stall and slow faster then he is. He grabs onto one of the wires as he recognizes this, and that if he loses time on his landing, passing the two again will be impossible. As the two just start to rush past him, Izuku swears mentally, telling himself to not let go - while he’s still ahead, this is his only chance. So, if passing them is impossible, then he has to maintain the lead.

Somehow, he manages to flip in the air, using the momentum to bring the armor plate swinging around and into the ground right between the two, the pressure enough to set off several more mines. The two are forced to stop from the resulting explosion, while Izuku’s newfound momentum throws him readily ahead.

As he falls into a duck and roll, Present Mic announces how Izuku blows off the competition with no time to lose. He goes on to marvel at Aizawa’s class, wondering what he’s teaching the kids. Aizawa says it’s not his doing, and that they’ve been spurring each other on all on their own. Present Mic rolls on with his commentary, asking who could have predicted such an incredible turn of events? Aizawa asks if he’s being ignored as Present Mic announces the first one back to the stadium:

Midoriya Izuku. The crowds go absolutely wild. Outside the stadium, Death Arms recognizes Izuku as the kid from a year ago. At home, Inko falls off the couch sobbing while repeatedly stumbling over Izuku’s name. In an unknown location, Shigaraki watches on while scratching idly at his neck.

Izuku looks around the stadium while breathing heavily, eventually looking at one spot in particular. Somehow, he’s found Toshinori in the stands, and the two have a Moment™ from across the stadium.

These fucking two, man.

While Izuku is trying to keep himself from crying, the other students start making their way across the finish line as well.

Toshinori thinks about how Izuku has the spirit of a savior hero to the core, but the sports festival is a competition that tests the exact opposite of that - your willingness to take down the enemy. Heroes nowadays depend on popular opinion so much. So many selfishly seek to beat everyone else. But that’s not Izuku - and that’s why Toshinori chose him, even as he thoughts that lack of selfishness would be his one weakness. He claps in the stands, happy to have been proved wrong and mentally apologizing for doubting him, even as he laments Izuku’s crying habits.

Some business students nearby catch Toshinori’s attention, mostly due to them discussing Izuku’s potential and how they’d market him. They talk about how Izuku’s stock is about to rise, but it’s hard to say what’s still in store for him since he didn’t show his quirk. They then start speculating about how a hero agency would market him if they took it on, with one pointing out how he’s not much to look at, so they’re have to push his skills and his unique, almost artistic sensibilities. When the resources you need aren’t there… Well, we don’t hear how that gets handled, but Toshinori does note how some things never change.

We get a brief narrative insert about the business course, most notably how they have nothing to gain by directly competing in the sports festival. Instead, they hone their skills as salespeople and run business simulations.

Back with the hero students, we see Katsuki and Shouto both catching their breath. Katsuki is furious at Izuku once again managing to wrangle a win right from under him, while Shouto is just staring after Izuku silently. Present Mic announces more racers reaching the finish line, and that the standings will be gone over later, so the students can catch their breath for now.

Ochako and Tenya make their way over to Izuku. Ochako calls Izuku’s strategy awesome, while Tenya is in despair over losing a race with his quirk, stating that he still has progress to make. Ochako states that she’s jealous of Izuku’s first place; Izuku flushes and hides his face behind his arms, stating that it wasn’t that impressive, and was still too close. Internally, he laments that he just got lucky, that all his chance strategies happened to work. They say it’s awesome, but it was just a lucky break, and that the real test of skill starts now.

Anyways, Midnight announces the end of the race, and we get the results:

Midoriya Izuku

Todoroki Shouto

Bakugou Katsuki

Shiozaki Ibara

Honenuki Juuzou

Iida Tenya

Tokoyami Fumikage

Sero Hanta

Kirishima Eijirou

Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu

Ojiro Mashirao

Awase Yosetsu

Asui Tsuyu

Shouji Mezou

Satou Rikidou

Uraraka Ochako

Yaoyorozu Momo

Mineta Minoru

Ashido Mina

Kouda Kouji

Jirou Kyouka

Kaibara Sen

Tsuburaba Kosei

Kaminari Denki

Bondo Kojiro

Yanagi Reiko

Shinsou Hitoshi

Kendo Itsuka

Shishida Jurota

Kuroiro Shihai

Kodai Yui

Rin Hiryu

Shouda Nirengeki

Komori Kinoko

Kamakiri Togaru

Monoma Neito

Tsunotori Pony

Hagakure Touru

Tokage Setsuna

Fukidashi Manga

Hatsume Mei

Aoyama Yuuga

I wasn’t able to find this list in word form anywhere online, so I made it myself. You’re welcome. I also calculated the points each of them had going into the second event, but I’m not gonna worry about that here. I’ll do individual and team points when we actually get to the teams. That way, we’ll know who has which teams’ headbands at the end!

Moving on with the chapter. Midnight announces that the top 42 from the qualifying round will move on, conveniently just including every hero student as well as the two non-hero students who managed to place higher. For those who placed lower, the sports festival will have another way for them to show their stuff!

(Not that we see said show, which I mean, makes sense narratively speaking, but also…)

[I was going to insert the server discussion about my thoughts on the arbitrary cut-off point here, but it’s getting long enough to merit its own post at this point. So look forward to that whenever it goes up!]

Anyways, Midnight continues on, explaining that now the main selection really begins, and that the press corp is going to be jumping out of their seats, so the students should give it all they’ve got. Now, onto the second event, which she already knows - which confirms these are predetermined by UA and they just do the randomizer for the sake of the crowds. Said event is…

the cavalry battle!

Kaminari is nervous at that, thinking about how he’s going to suck. Mineta is also looking concerned. Tsuyu notes they’re teaming up, but how, exactly? Midnight explains with a neat little graphic:

Basically, participants get in teams of two to four, and get into a horse-and-rider formation. The rules are the same as your regular cavalry battle - snag the opponent’s headbands while guarding your own - but with a twist. Each student has an assigned value based on their placement in the race.

Sato notes that it sounds like the points in the entrance exam, so it sounds simple. Hagakure comments on how this means the point value of each team is based on its members. Midnight snaps and cracks her whip at the students that she’s about to explain, so they should shut up already.

Individual point values start at five, at the bottom, so the student in 42nd place is forth five, 41st is worth ten, etc etc. However, the first place participant - that is, Izuku - is instead worth a whole ten million points.

That, my friends, is the face of someone realized they done fucked up.

Basically all the students stare down Izuku as he goes stiff from the internal panicking. Shinsou and Hatsume seem to be shown particular interest in it. Midnight finishes the chapter by noting that the higher-ranked students are the ones to aim for, and that this survival game is a chance for a comeback. It’s anyone’s game!

And with that, we end chapter 26… and volume three. Which means bonus content will be coming soon! See y’all then, and we’ll be back with more sports festival action in the next volume.

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yokelish · 4 years

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Worth millions.

Remember that? Back by popular demand. Reworked, improved, but only miserly so. And with chapter two coming soon~

✏ Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs ✏ Characters: Nakahara Chūya, Dazai Osamu ✏ Word count: 3,650 ✏ Warnings: swearing, smoking. ✏ Part I; Part II

Worth millions.

Chūya narrowed his eyes at the figure near on the pier. It was close to midnight and no sane or law-abiding citizen would wonder around those docks alone. He did not expect a fight tonight but would be willing if it come to that. It was, after all, his mess to deal with. And whoever was standing in the way would be crashed by gravity. Chūya took a minute to observe what the person on the pier was doing. If it was some vagabond scaring them away wouldn’t be an issue. At first glance it seemed the figure wondered around the pier aimlessly — looking around to satisfy their curiosity or satiate the desire to observe small beauty of the world, —but only at first. Nakahara didn’t have to waste another minute to understand the person on the pier was looking for clues, evidence. And that was Chūya’s job. Then, it wasn’t a simple-minded wanderer or a drunk wondering in the moonless night. This person had a purpose to be here.

“You better know how to swim,” Nakahara said with a dangerous cadence. With his silhouette shrouded in darkness, he knew and meant the danger emitted. There was no escape from the pier unless they wanted to swim. Or face him. He had no issues with either option.

“Shiiiiit,” the voice uncertain echoed. “I’m taking too long.”

Chūya smirked and moved closer, slowly, biding his time. There was no need to be hasty with this interesting encounter. It was rare for something interesting happening on the job in the dead of the night. Someone else was here with the same purpose. It couldn’t be boring. But he wasn’t planning to let them go. If they were a part of those thugs that dared to challenge Port Mafia, there was only one way out for them.

“Port Mafia, right?” the voice asked, refusing to move, standing their ground. Intimidation was only present in their voice, and Chūya wondered if he was carefully toyed with. Pretending to be frightened before making a move.

The stranger raised their hands in surrender. “I am not looking for a fight,” they continued talking to him confident that they were listened to. The pier wasn’t enough for the two of them. Nakahara came closer, close enough to recognize their features in the moonless dark.

“That’s unfortunate,” Chūya said, smirking. “I might be.”

The person didn’t say anything, didn’t back away from him or step close as if kept there by stubbornness, ignorance, or blind bravery. Instead, they reached inside their pocket. And if this stranger thought a gun could scare Port Mafia, they were both wrong and stupid. A figure dressed in black and wrapped in deep-red glow, For the Tainted Sorrow. Suddenly, the dark space between them brightened. It wasn’t a gun they were reaching for but a torchlight. The light was aimed at the sky enlightening them about this encounter. They didn’t even use it to blind the mafioso and make a run for it. Even more stupid than he gave them credit for.

“Well, damn,” they said with a bright and irritatingly unafraid smile on their face. “Nakahara Chūya, the gravity-manipulator and martial artist. I am not buying lottery tickets this month.”

Chūya tilted his head in question. A very well-informed enemy or… simpleton Dazai never failed to open his big mouth. “Dear Detective Agency,” he sighed with irritation. “Suicidal moron can’t shut up about me.”

“That’s where you’re right,” they confirmed, straightforward and facile.

“What do you want?” Nakahara asked, crossing his arms. The Agency was an enemy; however, fighting them here and now would do nothing for the greater conflict. Boss, too, proclaimed temporary ceasefire. Acting against Boss’ orders was equal to betrayal. Also, they didn’t look like a challenge or threat in any way with that too eager to please and appease attitude.

“Just looking for something stolen,” they replied, nonchalant. “My guess is that you are here for the same reason.” This openness of theirs was getting on mafioso’s nerves. He wasn’t known for a patient temper. The Agency member could have tried to dance around his questions, run or offer a trade-off. But it seemed like they were trying to work out some semblance of functional cooperation. As long as it went within the lines of his loyalty to Port Mafia, he could match this pace.

The smile grew on their face before they turned off the light. It was bright.

“We can help each other!” Agency’s detective offered in a chirpy manner.

“Can we now?” Chūya scoffed, amused. “Just say you need my help.”

“I don’t,” they shook their head. It wasn’t spoken in mockery or false confidence. While the darkness blurred their features, he still heard the smile on their lips. “But you need mine.”

Nakahara raised a brow, antagonized. Dazai must have been giving out lessons. Bandaged freak had an unmatched skill, but they were gravelling him fairly fast too. Chūya didn’t need help, especially from a detective of the Agency. Nakahara was a Port Mafia Executive; he was the merge of a human and a god Arahabaki. Help was the last thing he needed. He expected them to prove the point, but his patience was running dangerously thin each second.

“The smugglers,” the person started talking quickly as if sensing the heat, “didn’t finish their transaction. What did they do with the merchandise? It’s a pier. Not many places to hide things.”

“If they had half-a-brain, an airtight aluminum case would take a day or two underwater,” Chūya shrugged.

“I bet you don’t want to swim tonight, it’s cold, brrrr,” they rubbed their shoulders, mimicking the experience. “So, I will graciously save you from that.”

Mafioso crossed arms on his chest and smirked. There was no way of impressing him, less so of doing him any favours. But he was allowing for this to happen simply because it was quite fun. It didn’t last long, however. Soon, the sound of moving water filled the dark and silence around them. And something rectangular came from the water and floated into their hands effortlessly. It was the case, unmistakably, it couldn’t be anything else.

“I can beckon objects towards myself if I know what they are,” they succinctly explained. “Since I know yours, it’s fair that you know mine.”

Chūya didn’t ask but was given an answer. Perhaps, by some strange morality it was fairer for him to know their ability since they knew about his. But this wasn’t the world that cared about fairness. They were coming from two different worlds, opposing views. They were enemies. It wasn’t personal. From the wrong side, one of them for sure was, had to be. Yet the Agency’s detective continued with the task as if nothing were amiss. Chūya watched them take out a lock-picker’s set. He chuckled, amused. All that talk about morality…

“You are probably here for the valuables,” they continued to talk, unbothered, while trying to pick the lock. “Allow me take one thing. Our client has sentimental value attached to one of the objects inside.”

“They stole more than just valuables,” Nakahara replied. Wittingly or not, he almost said more than needed. Chūya had to hold his tongue from saying anything more. Speaking more than needed would be more than just unwise.

“Ah, is that an invitation to take everything else but what you need?”

“No.”

“Kidding, kidding.”

The case opened with a distinct click. A sound of a skilful lock-picking. From the Armed Detective Agency, indeed. But, true to their word, only one thing was taken. Nakahara had no clue why that would be an object of sentimental value, however, but Lady Luck was on their side. He didn’t need that.

“Thank you for your cooperation,” they said, standing up, and offering a polite and reserved smile.

“That’s it?” mafioso asked, unimpressed. There were a few things he could imagine being spoken, tastefully mixed into the conversation, to make a little sharper, a little more dangerous. “Nothing else to add, dear Detective Agency?”

“Gimme a sec.” There was a theatrical pause perfectly executed. Acting worthy of the effect it produced, with a finger to tier mouth and a thoughtful expression on their face. “Oh, no, Port Mafia! How could you! That’s not right, Port Mafia!”

Chūya shook his head. It was amusing it its twisted, overly dramatic way, but the comedy was too close to reality to be truly funny.

Their act was quickly dropped, switched for a more serious expression and tone. “You could have thrown me into the water the moment you saw me or a moment after when you realized who I was. But you didn’t. And agreed to cooperate.”

“That’s—”

“Hm?”

“Never mind,” Nakahara dismissed the protest. For one, defending his perfectly logical actions seemed foolish. Second, and most importantly, there was no need for him to voice it and neither it seemed to be heard. If that’s gratitude they were offering — to hell with it.

“Scatter,” Chūya commanded in slight jest. “I have work to do.”

The detective bowed to him in jest, most graciously bowing out of their encounter. He let them go and afterwards sighed. There was much a lot of work left to do.

One would safely and reasonably assume this one chance of an encounter was the only time he’d meet someone from the Agency outside of conflict. It wasn’t so. Sometime later he got to see them again. It wasn’t anything related to a job and happened in the light of day. He saw them with jinko and young murderess approaching the local shopping centre. At the entrance, however, they stopped and waved goodbye. The kids proceeded on their own inside. That would have been it: Chūya saw them, they didn’t see him. Such was his conviction, until they waved at him. From afar, sure, and it could have been anyone else who was in his general direction. But somehow, he had a feeling it was aimed at him and no one else. He didn’t acknowledge them in any way.

“C’mon out anyone who’s still alive,” he grinned maliciously into the camera. Chūya was having a bit too much enjoyment with this. After all, it was about time he’d get to play cat and mouse with the Agency. Ceasefire wasn’t much fun.

In the dark tunnel, finally echoed footsteps other than his. Playing the messenger was a boring beat, but a brawl wasn’t completely out of the question, ever.

“Just two of you? What an insult,” Chūya sighed. Just two enemies and not even the most intriguing ones. It all unfolded just the Boss’ predicted. The Agency cannot help itself but to be predictable this way. A confrontation was started to make the blood run hotter. He wasn’t a good match for a messenger job anyway. Everything was working out splendidly. Except for when the voice came from the speakers. The voice belonged to an enemy, the other side that Port Mafia will never reconcile with. He knew the voice — knew exactly who it belonged to — but still hearing it here and now was somewhat unexpected. Something he couldn’t even explain to himself.

“President, with all due respect, I’d like to say something,” came from the speakers. Nakahara stilled the moment he heard it coming from the speakers, he wanted to hear everything.

“I believe in the Agency’s strength just as much as you do, you know it. But we cannot take on the Guild alone. There’s one thing Nakahara was right about: we are short staffed,” the voice on the other side spoke with underlined worry. Mafioso wondered how it felt to speak rather defensively of your enemy. What he’d like to know even more is why even speak in defence of an enemy. But since it was serving Port Mafia’s purpose…

“But if you think such crude tactics would work on us, then Mafia is unfit for waging war,” the President’s voice spoke.

“Veiled threat from the enemy leader himself? Such an honour,” Chūya mocked.

“What are you hiding?”

“Not a thing.”

“He is not lying,” familiar voice interfered. The gravity wielder grinned devilishly. He wasn’t lying, they were correct in that assessment. But it was no good news for them. A shame, truly. For them. So bravely and insistently speak in the enemy’s support. That was the luxury or stupidity few could afford. He couldn’t.

“Why would we need to move?” Nakahara asked with the same smile on his face.

“Alright, fancy hat,” another voice spoke up. And then there was a snicker. Chūya never heard them snicker before but had no doubts it was them. Otherwise, it was the enemy leader and that was a far less appealing thought. Fancy hat?

It wasn’t because he had any doubts about Boss’ plan or because he didn’t trust in the abilities of his fellow comrades. It was because he hated Dazai. Because he wanted to see what was going to happen, what that schemer had pulled this time. And because deep inside Nakahara already knew what sort of deal the Boss would make given the chance. Mori wanted Dazai back in the Mafia, and while Chūya was perfectly content without the failed suicide around, it wasn’t for him to say so. Whatever cliché game he was asked to play, he’d play it till the end.

From up here he could witness the whole thing and, if something were to go terribly wrong, he’d be down there in seconds. But he had unwavering faith in Boss’ planning. Still, the cigarette in his mouth was burning. It was boredom. From up here, he could see everything but not hear it or be entertained by any other means. One, two, three, four…Number four is deadly, according to superstitions.

“Fancy seeing you here!” said the voice from behind. Familiar voice, sure, but it was not supposed to be heard here. Chūya turned his head. That very same detective of the Agency coming to him at such convenient time? It couldn’t be a coincidence. What a cliché, Dazai, especially for you.

A huff, a puff. The cigarette started to taste a lot better now. “What are you doing here?” It wasn’t a question but a warning.

“Don’t worry, no one knows I am here. If you throw me off this roof, it’s a perfect crime,” they quickly assured. And while there was a small laugh at the end of that sentence, he could hear it was filled with anxious tension. “I wasn’t invited for the meeting either but still came to watch. It’s not as concealed up here as you’d think.”

Mafioso kept quiet, feeling annoyed, feeling played for a fool. But before the right words to scare them off came to mind, the voice spoke once again.

“Here,” there was a nudge on his shoulder, “it’s a far better thing to put in your mouth.”

Nakahara looked at what was offered. Goddamn ice-cream? He raised a brow in question. This was more than just a little strange. This was getting a little ridiculous. And the idea of throwing them off the roof didn’t seem as alien as before. Nonetheless, under his murderous gaze, they didn’t relent, continuing to hold up the ice-cream in stubborn generosity.

He had to look away from them. “Damn it.” Agitated, he still begrudgingly put out the cigarette and accepted the ice-cream. The packaging wasn’t messed with, with drops of water from being in the freezer just recently. They, too, had one. An ice-cream for themselves with the packaging matching. Mafioso tore it open. Damnit. It was cold and sweet, vanilla flavour hidden underneath dark chocolate.

“See? I was right. It is a better thing to put in your mouth,” they grinned at him. Not malicious, not mocking, it was a cheerful, kind smile of a friend. They were enemies, people from different sides, fighting for different things. Reconciliation was not an acceptance — a strategy.

“Choose your words better,” Nakahara scoffed.

“Sorry, sor—"

“Or I will throw you off the roof.”

“I said sorry. So, um, what do you think? It’s going fine, right? Even if it’s just to defeat the Guild, we can come to an agreement of sorts? You’d help, right?”

“What are you getting at?”

“I am… worried.”

“About?” he asked without any interest whatsoever. But since this was a conversation — a very used play at social norms and small talk — he would indulge them only for the duration of this ice-cream. A shame to let a good thing go to waste.

“My…comrades,” the enemy answered. That was a delicate answer. Too delicate for such situation. Even Chūya could understand the worry one would have for one’s friends and comrades. Yet something didn’t sit right with him as if a gut feeling telling something he couldn’t yet understand.

“So, if you are fighting alongside one of them, would you help them?” they asked. It sounded so naïve and genuine. Terribly sweet, just like this ice-cream. Underneath the dark chocolate, something awfully sweet and innocent white in colour.

“Is that what their life if worth?” Chūya asked, thoroughly amused. Quite a conversation maker this one. “An ice-cream?”

“Nah, a life is invaluable. And smoking kills. Take care of yourself.”

Chūya laughed. Loudly, thunderously, profoundly regaled. He was pillorying them and their ideas. But, still a nudge on his shoulder, playful in its manner.

“I am counting on you, Nakahara Chūya!”

This was getting too ridiculous for Nakahara to comprehend as a sane person. “Scatter.” He didn’t even mean it maliciously or as a sincere threat. It was a reminiscent jest. And like before, they bowed to him and offered a polite smile, graciously leaving the situation.

Chūya hated Dazai. He hated all the faces Dazai had: arrogant kid, suicidal failure, scheming bastard, traitor, liar, and womanizer. It wasn’t even all the list of masks his ex-partner had. But Chūya would take out the trash once they were done here. The reunion was a temporary arrangement. After, he would be free to deal with Dazai as he wished. What else he hated? The number of body bags his people came back in. All at the fault of a child whose ability was abhorrent.

“Do it,” Chūya said with certainty. He would remember that number for a good while after this is all over and is but a history.

“Oh yeah?” Dazai sounded too chirpy for himself. “Well, in that case…” The knife Dazai conveniently snitched slashed the wooden cage Q was trapped in. Nakahara watched, and the mafia-black blood boiled inside him.

“Your hypocrisy makes me want to vomit,” he stated with sincere spite. The knife stopped chipping at wood as Dazai started to explain such hypocritical act. Excuses, excuses, that was the core of this traitor. Chūya knew for a fact what his ex-partner thought of Q’s ability. What a pathetic, lying bastard.

“It’s a logical decision,” Dazai excused his actions. “Plus, I don’t know how I would look them in the eye.”

“The Agency?” Nakahara shrugged, uninterested.

“Aren’t you curious, Chūya?” It was taunting. “Nosy about my personal life?”

“Personal life? You don’t have such a thing, womanizer.”

“People change, Chūya,” Dazai replied with a sickeningly familiar smile. The bastard meant what he said. Gravity manipulator hated him all the more for it.

Nakahara crossed his arms. “People? Maybe. What do you have to do with them?”

His ex-partner pretentiously pouted. “You know, Chūya, I know your moves down to pacing and breathing.” Dazai stood up. The knife remained plunged into the wood. “But I never knew you liked ice-cream.”

“Bastard, I knew it was your scheme!”

“What? No.” Ex-mafia shook his head. “What would be in it for me? But relationships are built on trust and honesty. So, naturally, I came to know of it. I was as just as surprised as you were.”

That sickening smile, that arrogant tone! Chūya had Dazai pinned down as well. The assortment of face masks of his once-partner…and the appalling pleasure to study them all. But the most abhorrent thing was that the hypocrite wasn’t lying. The bandaged bastard was taking pleasure in speaking the truth.

Dazai was slowly shortening the distance between them. “So, why did you behave like an obedient dog, Chūya?” The languid steps forward, putting them dangerously close together. The shorter mafioso pressed his fingers into a tight fist. The leather gloves squeaked.

“Answer me, Chūya, for old times’ sake,” Dazai continued to provoke. “I don’t think it’s because of ice-cream, was it? Could it be…? Oh.”

You are on thin fucking ice, Dazai. It wasn’t for any other reason than killing time. It wasn’t because he found them strangely intriguing in their passive acceptance of him being from Mafia. And it wasn’t because they spoke in his defence. To speak in your enemy’s benefit was the luxury or stupidity few could afford. He wasn’t impressed by their stubborn kindness despite knowing that he was stronger than them. That he could kill them. That he was an enemy.

“You never could hide your emotions, Chūya. Your face does say it for you,” Dazai was now grinning viciously. “You like them, don’t you? You like them.”

Chūya pushed forward, angry, provoked, with all the spite he could muster. The fist landed hard. The force of his punch sent Dazai stumbling backwards. But there was glee in those dark eyes. The delight Chūya rarely witnessed, but it wasn’t totally alien. It felt good for him too — to punch Dazai in the face like that. Yet his blood was still boiling hot. And there was a bitter and tight feeling in his throat, tasting of sweet vanilla ice-cream.

“Oh, the look on your face, Chūya,” Dazai mumbled, mocking, gleeful, and seeming to ignore the swelling on his face and the pain that came with it. “How did you say it before? “Better than a masterpiece worth millions”?”

#yokelishtorturesenglish #bsd fanfic #bsd scenarios #bsd imagines #nakahara chuuya x reader #chuuya x reader #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x reader #chuuya x reader x dazai #will it show in the tags a second time?

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