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#and could also be incredibly stupid with her
perdidosbucky-yyo · 2 days
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𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛
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Pairing: Exotic Dancer!Bucky Barnes x Plus Size!Reader (no mention of gender or ethnicity)
Summary: Hi, you've reached [your name]. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message after the beep!
w/c: 3.7k
warnings: cheating (on reader), lots of cursing, smoking, heavy drinking, weed smoking, body image issues (I'm sorry), this is a smutty fic (but there’s no smut), dry humping. Please let me know if I missed anything <3
a/n: This is the first fic I've posted in years lmao, I'm a bit rusty, but omfg I enjoyed writing this so much, it's very self-indulgent hehe I hope you love it just as much as I do.
this is not beta'd, any and all mistakes are my own.
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Likes, comments and reblogs are deeply encouraged🥺
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7:51 PM
“Baby please, You know I’m an idiot…she means nothing” Jake whined through the phone. 
As of 5 hours ago, he became your ex but kept on calling you, each call pleading for your forgiveness and saying the same stupid excuse “I felt you pulling away, what was I supp-”
Before you could interrupt him yourself, your best friend and roommate took your phone “Listen closely you little shit, if you don’t stop calling I’ll personally chop off your balls, fry’em up and feed them to your mother in a fucking salad… it’s Wanda by the way” she huffs as she hands you back the phone, “Colorful” you grimace.
Shoving you inside the car, with you and Wanda on the back, Bruce behind the wheel and Tony as co-pilot, “Why do you even answer his calls?” Tony asks while Wanda lights up a Marlboro, and gives you a drag “Because I want to tell him to go fuck himself… I- I just can’t seem to find the right words”, “That seems right” Wanda quips and you roll your eyes, “Don’t worry you’ll find the words when the time’s right” Bruce adds, “Dr. Banner is right, tonight is all about getting shit-faced” Tony adds.
You all clap and turn up the volume to the perfect song “I don’t wanna hear, I don’t wanna know” Wanda sings, the wind on her face, while Bruce shouts “WE LOVE YOU MADONNA”. 
They were right, fuck Jack, tonight you wanted to let go, you weren’t one for parties or clubbing but you couldn’t stay at home feeling sorry for yourself, partying with your friends seemed like the perfect distraction “LET’S FUCKING GO” you shouted at the top of your lungs.
9:05 PM
“The Hush-Hush Hideaway?” you laughed as you finished your first beer after two cherry vodka shots, sounds like a place where 50 year olds would come to have an affair, “Alright, alright before you keep on talking trash, there is more eye to meet” Tony argues, to that Wanda snorts “are you seriously drunk right now? after three piña coladas?”, Bruce laughs “they’re stronger than they look” Tony defends himself as he stands up, signaling you all to head to the dance floor.
You honestly loved the place, the lighting was incredible, the atmosphere was hot pink with hints of dark red and deep purple, the ceiling was decorated with hundreds of disco balls shining down on you, the bar had tables so crystalline and so red, it looked like solidified blood,  each one surrounded by the comfiest leather couches. There was also the dance floor which you were dancing on now, it had the perfect stage for dancers or any kind of show, the whole place had the perfect mix of chic and urban.
10:39 PM
“This round’s on me” Tony shouts over the loud music as he hands you what would probably be your 5th drink, stumbling around as you danced to a song that suddenly became your favorite, as you downed the liquid gold you took Tony’s hand and started giving him a lap dance of some sorts which made everyone laugh along with you. 
And then everything went pitch black, for 5 seconds the music was over, lights were out, for a moment you thought you passed out but then a huge white light shone straight into the middle of the stage, “Girls Gays and Theys!” a deep voice over the microphone started, “is this a gay bar?” Bruce genuinely chimed in, making you giggle.
“Tonight we encourage you to let that wild side of yours out! Please give a warm welcome to The White Wolf” the voice cheered with excitement and the crowd roared and cheered back, “he must be really good looking” you sassed, and in that moment, red ropes descended.
Not a second later a man dressed in a kevlar suit swirled down as if swimming in the red fabric, wrapping himself in a cocoon in the air so the next second he rolled down to the stage, the top of his leathery suit gone, leaving his gorgeous toned abdomen exposed making the crowd go wild. The lights enhanced his beautiful body. “D-does he have glitter on?!” Tony shouted in awe, everyone absolutely going crazy over this tall, brown-haired, thick oh so fucking thick specimen.
On the other hand, you were finding breathing a difficult task, especially because his eyes were trained on yours, maybe it was the several drinks in your system or the empowering song that heightened everything, but his stare was intense, the ice blue of his eyes chilled your spine and for a moment you thought he was going to stop the show, come down and rip your clothes off… yeah you definitely felt tipsy now.
This man knew the power he held, not only was he drop-dead gorgeous, he had autonomy of every nerve and every muscle on his body, your heart and pussy were practically pulsing as you watched him dance. The magic was broken when you felt your phone ring in your pocket, taking it out, you saw it was Jake calling AGAIN, you knew your friends would tell you not to pick up, but part of you wanted to hear him out and scream at him, you didn’t know which one you were going to do.
Leaving the dance floor and heading to the bathrooms where you hoped it’d be quieter, you swipe to the green bubble “Please please forgive me” is the first thing the man says, making you sigh in frustration “S-top stop saying you’re sorry” but it’s like talking to a wall, you’re not even sure he heard you because he just keeps on whining. 
??:??
You don’t know how much time you spent listening to him in the bathroom but eventually, you give up and hang up on him, splashing some fresh water in your neck you exit the room and bump into a rock-hard wall, but then unexpectedly the wall starts talking and you think maybe it’s not a wall.
“it was rude to bail” a grave voice rumbles in your ear through all of the noise, looking up you see it’s the white wolf, making you almost choke on air, but you were quick enough to react and raise an eyebrow in response “sorry?”.
Without even noticing, the man had cornered you into a wall “Don’t apologize, you can make it up to me” he said with a wild smile, “oh he’s good” you thought, then he looked at you as if he read your mind, “you look like someone in desperate need to have some fun… let me give you a hand” he whispered, his confidence made you forget he was a stranger, and oddly enough it felt like you knew him perfectly, the thought of spending your night with him made you shudder.
Taking out what looked like a big fat blunt from one of his pockets, he dragged the little bundle of joy from your exposed thighs, up your arms, slowly passing through your neck, and finally grazing your soft lips, his eyes never once leaving yours, he leaned in and the smell of cedarwood with a touch of french vanilla made your eyes roll.
Man, you’re really not keeping your cool, but he’s too beautiful for you to care, you might as well pucker your lips, but then he backs away, taking your hand and leading you to the backdoor between the kitchens. The sound of music and people dancing start to disappear until it’s muffled, “are we allowed in here?” you laugh as he lights up the joint and takes a big gulp, your heart pounds with excitement, this is exactly what you needed.
Your inner demons whispered that he really wasn’t interested in you, he looked like he was sculptured by frigging Michelangelo, he’d never want to be with someone as big as you, plus you felt sweaty from dancing most of the night, but honestly, it was more about the nerves you felt around him, but just as easy as the negative thoughts came, he batted them away with a single kiss to your cheek, near enough to the corner of your lips “lost you there for a sec” he teased.
As he handed you the joint, you took it with hesitance, “I usually don’t take marihuana from strangers, you got a name or does everyone call you the white wolf?” you teased, carefully eyeing him, realizing that he was still shirtless unconsciously making you bite your lip.
A lazy smile spread on his face “Waddaya mean you don’t know me? Pfft I’m your latest conquest”, it threw you off but he looked so sincere it made the butterflies in your stomach dance, “I’m Bucky” he laughed, he was so at ease with that pretty smile you couldn’t do anything but swoon.
Taking a drag of the blunt you breathe out the smoke through your nose as you offer him your name in return,  not wasting a second he repeats it, slowly, maybe he was high but it seemed as though he enjoyed the sound of your name on his tongue, he savored it, your legs pressed against each other and you had to take another drag so not to seem desperate as you were for him.
He might be a stranger but deep down you felt unbelievable attraction, in less than 10 minutes of knowing him he made you feel powerful, and free, like maybe in a past life or somethin’ he was your soulmate… Pfft, you wanted to crack up at your own thoughts, somehow Bucky knew and started laughing, slowly leaning into you and crashing his lips with yours, it was sloppy but fuck you’d never been kissed like that, it was passionate, you felt wanted, right then and there you were ready and willing to let him swoop you off your feet.
12:59 AM 
Bucky was showing you his best moves, his calloused hands gripped and groped your body as you both swayed your hips against each other perfectly in sync.
He was so smooth, the fogginess of the joint rumbled through your body, each touch, every one of his strokes felt like a wave, you were floating in a sea of music and his scent, nothing was wrong with the world, nothing could harm you because he was right behind you, worshipping you, telling you how he loved the feel of every roll and every curve, you couldn’t help but smile and he couldn’t help but kiss that beautiful smile.
Not long after your friends found you and you introduced them to the dancer who blew their minds, some of his friends joined you, and not long after you were the life of the party, shots and blunts came pouring, and just like you wanted you became one with bucky, you didn’t know where you began or where he ended, pain and misery were a strange and unknown concept tonight.
1:55 AM
Wanda had to drag you away from Bucky to chat with you a bit, she couldn’t hide that grin even if she tried “Dude I don’t even recognize you right now” you laugh with her knowing very well what she means, squeezing her wrist you stop the urge to squeal, “I don’t know how this happened but fuck he’s just so pretty I wanna cry” you both giggle, understanding the Rachel Green reference. 
Turning to see Bucky you caught him already watching you, it looked like he was chatting with his friends but he wouldn’t look away from you, you realized he was waiting for you, and honestly you were eager to return to his embrace and intoxicating scent “Fuck Jack, you have men waiting in line” Wanda practically shouts as she pushes you back to the dance floor.
2:12 AM
After a while your social battery was low and you needed a break, so now you leaned against the wall in the back alley of the bar, a cigarette lit, resting on your fingertips as you recalled the events that brought you here tonight.
You didn’t blame Wanda for reminding you of Jake and what he did, after all, she was just hyping you, but now your mind was plagued, you memorized with detail how you found them, as some sort of self-punishment, why? you didn’t know, after years of therapy, you were still trying to unlearn self-deprecating thoughts that your family and society shoved in your face.
Jake cheating on you with a leggy blonde who was quite literally a Victoria's Secret model was a kick to your stomach, it made you realize that maybe every bad thought you had about yourself was true, and that was terrifying… 
Realizing that the cigarette burned itself out, you stepped on it, but before you could come back inside Bucky opened the door and grinned “There you are, was worried I spooked ya”, to that you chuckled, somehow the laws of social battery didn’t apply to the handsome trapeze dancer “Never”.
Stepping outside and standing next to you, he takes your hand and starts playing with your fingers “What’s got my sweet doll so down?”, you expected the pet name to make you cringe but instead swooned. Lighting another cigarette you take a drag and blow it on his face, and he just bites the smoke, making you giggle, after a beat of silence you show him your heart.
“About… 11 hours ago, my boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend, cheated on me” you sigh, trying with all your might not to shed a single fucking tear, Jake didn’t deserve them, “Gimme his address” he deadpans, a look so deadly in his eyes, that spark was almost snuffed, but just as quickly his attitude changed, “I’ll kill 'im with my bare hands, I’LL FUCKING KILL ’IM” he shouts with foux determination, making wild animal noises that are making you laugh so hard you can’t breathe “you’re not funny” you say out of breath.
His thumb cleans away a single runaway tear, his touch is so gentle at first you’re not even sure he’s holding you, he’s so close you feel his breath on your cheek and his nose caressing your skin oh so lightly, “you’re dreaming”, you think incredulously. 
In a second his touch becomes rough as he grips your face with both his hands, holding you still so you can’t look anywhere but his eyes, “he’s a fucking moron” he spits out, almost insulted, “and I don’t mean a jerk or plain stupid, I mean he’s missing some fucking brain cells to let go of someone so insanely beautiful as you”.
Your heart’s pounding in your ears, you’re about to explain but he cuts you off “And I don’t even need to know him, to be sure of what I’m telling you right now” he scoffs,  “Hell, I don’t even have to know you to be sure, in the very short time I’ve known you, you’ve been everything” bucky almost can’t believe he’s saying this to you, suddenly the tension is palpable and neither of you can breathe… 
“You’re driving me insane” is the last thing he says before pushing you against the wall, with a grunt he grips your waist and your lips crash with his, in a fight for dominance your tongues swirl, it’s as if Jake or any other man never existed, washed away by the ocean that is Bucky. 
You loved how vocal he was being, he moaned into the kiss as you practically humped him, he bit your swollen lips as a warning to slow down but it only turned you on more. You could feel your hardened nipples rub against his chest, and it drove both of you nuts, with all his strength he pulled away, leaving you dizzy and pulling him for more, he’s never wanted anyone the way he wants you but he would never have sex with someone so drunk, even if that person begged as nicely as you were right now.
He laughs as you start leaving hot open kisses throughout his neck and jaw purring like a cat, “Bucky please” you mewled, asking him for more, his hand flew to grasp your hair in a tight grip, nibbling on your skin as he reached your ear “We aren’t doing anything except kissing the fuck out of each other doll” he whispered.
You made for a grab to his groin but he was able to take your hand and hold it above your head “I want you nice and sober when I get you to cream on my cock”, he groans as you make a final attempt to lure him in, but you know he’s right, so you huff in defeat, a pout on display to make your feelings known, “baby doll what’s wrong? you look flushed” he teases as you gasp in faux offense.
3:45 AM
The bar kicked everyone out but you still had some party left in you and apparently, so did Bucky because he’s already got you piggyback riding him to his car, you said goodbye to your friends assuring them you trusted Bucky, his place was less than 10 minutes away and you’d send them your location. 
Once you got to the car Bucky stopped in his tracks, “we’re drunk and high as hell” he stated, and like a bucket of iced water you realized he was right “Accurate statement” you snort, carefully dropping you on the ground he swiftly turned to face you “so we should… perhaps, maybe take a cab” he goofs around as he steals small kisses form you “or we can walk? your place’s near right?” you reply, everyone was already gone to ask for a ride but he liked the idea of having some alone time with you, so,  he picked you up and placed you on his back “To the Batcave!” he runs as you hold onto him as tight as you could.
4:05 AM
You peacefully walked on the side of the street as cars passed by, one thing that you loved about walking at night was the lack of noise, the night wasn’t completely quiet, you could still hear the cars in the distance, people coming in and out of bars or whatever, the breeze was the perfect temperature and the city lights of New York were shone beautifully.
Hand in hand you walked with your latest conquest as he so eloquently put it, conversation flowing, “I got cheated on once, it fucking sucks” You both laughed at the obvious statement “I thought we were going steady and she got bored” he shrugged, “it was a while ago, but it definitely messed with my head” he whispered as he squeezed your hand, it brought him comfort and you as well. 
“You know what’s fucking hilarious though? I was planning on breaking up with him…ok don’t judge me” you laughed, “but I just stayed with him because it was easier to stay in a mediocre relationship than actually fight for my happiness…plus he had a hot tub” you felt stupid for saying it, but he didn’t judge you, his face remained the same, attentive.
Bucky took your hand and kissed each one of your knuckles “I got a really nice bathtub” he murmured into your skin with a smirk, your heart fluttered to what he implied so you jumped and kissed his cheek, holding onto his arm for dear life, content with how the day turned out.
4:38 AM
After smoking yet another joint together you were now straddling your dancer’s lap on his bathtub “It really is a nice bathtub” You grinned between kisses and he laughed, his hands roaming your soft skin under your clothes, you were heaven on earth he kept thinking, he was about to kiss you again but was interrupted by your phone ringing, which made both of you sigh in frustration.
You knew who it was, Jake had been calling over and over for the last 20 minutes and Bucky had enough of the bastard, “Answer him” he ordered, to which you raised an eyebrow “I- can’t I- seriously?” you say almost shocked “You know what you wanna say to him, so say it” he encouraged with a soft smile.
Without thinking twice you pick up, “Finally! what took you so long to pick up?” Jake barks, you have the phone on speaker so Bucky could listen, and he already hated how the jerk talked to you, making him grip your waist with possessiveness.
“What do you want?” you ask almost uninterested, “Baby please forgive me” he cries as if you could ever believe anything he said to you, “I’m so so fucking sorry, what else do you want me to say?!”, to that you let out an unamused laugh “just stop fucking saying you’re sorry, time to put on your big boy pants and take responsibility” you snark, which oddly, turns on bucky beyond belief.
Like a magnet, his lips start leaving love bites on your neck, making you gulp, “Babe let’s be honest, in a month you’ll be begging me to get back together, we both know you need someone to take care of you, you can’t be alone, you need me” he says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and then you really were done with his bullshit.
“Listen closely you fucktard, stop saying you’re sorry, stop begging me to forgive you, you were a waste of my time and the only reason I didn’t break up with you sooner was because it was convenient for me to stay with your sorry ass” you bark.
You could keep going but now Bucky was humming against your pulse, finding it incredibly hot how you stood up for yourself, he peppered you with hot open kisses that made your mind even fuzzier than the weed, “And I can take care of myself ass” you hiss in delight, it was meant to be an insult but Bucky was making you feel so good…
“Fucking drop that call”, bucky growled into your neck loud enough to be heard over the phone, then sunk his teeth into your soft skin, making you moan, unintentionally into the phone, before dropping it and gripping Bucky’s hair for support as you rubbed against the bulge on his pants “Fuck I can’t wait to make you mine” he moaned, dreaming of all the possibilities, of everything he wanted to do with and to you.
Despite the chills you felt down your spine, despite feeling exactly the same way, you laugh, “Honey… do you think it’s gonna be that easy?” you coo, drunk in power, you devour his perfect pink lips.
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helloo, how are you doing today?? ror fam finding out that dyslexic teen reader s getting bullied at school for it :(
For someone who has number dyslexia, I know what this is like.
-When you arrived home from school, several hours early, you slammed the door shut a bit harder than you intended, quickly getting attention from those around you as you walked down to your room, your arm lifting to wipe the tears from your face, upset and furious.
-You didn’t even make it to your room before you were pulled into Hercules’ arms, hugging you close, “Y/N? What happened? Why are you home so early?” You didn’t respond, turning to bury your face in his shoulder, your arms winding around his neck, hugging him as your shoulders shook with silent sobs.
-Your family was instantly worried, seeing you in such a state as Adam carefully pulled your backpack from your shoulders, relieving you of that and as he pulled it into his arms, he saw papers inside.
-He was quick to open your backpack to see graded papers with low scores from your English teacher, red marks all over from misspelled words and a note on the top ‘learn to spell’.
-Anyone around could tell he was instantly angry, as the heat radiating off of him was almost stifling, “Y/N- all your teachers know you have dyslexia, so why-”
-You cut him off, showing that you were really upset, “She doesn’t care! She says I’m just lazy and stupid and should go back to the first grade and learn how to spell! And she encourages the other students to tell me the same, so I’ll do better!”
-Instantly the mood shifted from worry to anger, as you had provided the school with all doctor’s notes and documentation that you had dyslexia, and that all staff were to help accommodate you. To hear that a teacher was bullying you, they were furious.
-They looked at Hercules who instantly nodded and headed to your room while many of the others headed out, going to your school.
-Hercules held you, telling you that nothing was wrong with you, being dyslexic, you were just a bit different, but you were incredibly smart, talented, and a good friend to all you met, which made you smile, making you feel better.
-Once you were calmed down, he took you out for ice cream, letting you get what you wanted.
-Your principal and teacher on the other hand, as well as the students in your math class who were bullying you, as your friend, F/N, had secretly recorded the incident.
-Your teacher was handing back the project to everyone and in front of the whole class, she called you out, “And once again, Y/N can’t spell. You should go back to the first grade if you don’t know how to spell.”
-You had tried arguing that you were dyslexic and had documentation and she just rolled her eyes, “That’s just an excuse to get out of working hard. Everyone, point at Y/N, laugh, and call them a liar!”
-Several students remained still, not saying anything, but F/N captured those who were willing to do it, finding it fun, laughing at you as you burst into tears, grabbing your bag and running out.
-Adam looked downright murderous, seeing his child being treated like this, while the parents of the bullies were quickly yelling at them, that they didn’t raise bullies.
-Your teacher was sweating, being glared at by so many as the principal also glared at her, “I’ve told you this before, students with supporting documentation are to be accommodated. And to see you bullying a student and encouraging others to bully as well… I’m disappointed in you. Go and clean out your office. You’re done.”
-She was quickly panicking, begging him not to fire her, that she needed this job, and with someone like this she wouldn’t be able to get another teaching job again. She was quick to beg your family members, begging for them to do something, but Adam was the one to speak, his voice low, “You knew full well that Y/N is dyslexic, but you chose to ignore that, bully them, and tell others to bully them. You did this to yourself. No adult, especially a teacher, should ever act like this.”
-His words stunned her as it finally clicked that she had no one to blame but herself as she broke down as security came to escort her to her office to clean it out.
-Attention then went to the bullies, who all froze, having just witnessed a teacher getting sacked as the principal spoke, “Bullying is not tolerated, even if you were encouraged by a teacher. Other students refused to do so, so there’s no excuse. You’re all suspended until next Monday.”
-While their parents weren’t happy, they did agree with the principal, as they had all seen other students refusing to treat you so cruelly.
-It wasn’t your fault that you mixed up letters which made spelling hard for you, to you they looked right, so they shouldn’t be so mean.
-You were zonked out when they arrived home, full of ice cream, which Hercules found amusing. You were their precious child, and nobody treats their child like that, especially another adult.
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howlingday · 21 hours
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I just found this gem. It's crazy and bizarre, and I think someone can describe it as "radiating crackhead energy".
https://youtu.be/_8kaMEUkX70?si=8UwBQ5op-iR4Nqeq
I think Nora would not just like it, but jam to it. However, what do RWBY and JNPR think of it?
Link
We begin our story like any other. With a hot, young, sexy lady with an ass that just won't quit. I mean, as she was skipping down the lane with her cheeks clapping, you'd swear it'd start raining with how much thunder was rumbling. I mean, there's bubble booties, and then there's thunder-packed super buns~!
Unfortunately, such magnanimous mounds of meaty... butt... muscles could not be resisted from being slapped. And so they were. And by unfortunately, I mean unfortunately for the guy who slapped the butt, because that butt was attached to the body of a dynamite babe with an ass that won't quit.
An ass... and a hammer.
Nora swung her hammer round, knocking the pervert into the nearest distant wall. As he tried to recover, she then launched volley after volley of grenades from her grenade launcher at the lecherous butt-slapper. Smoke and pink mist surrounded and engulfed the rude dude. He stumbled through, finding his chin meeting the huge hammer head of her hefty helper in all things hurtful.
Nora then flew into the air and smashed her hammer down, catching and slamming the handsy creep into the ground, headfirst, leaving the dumb stupid idiot unresponsive on the ground.
She then skipped off into the sunset of the casino, her bouncy and bubbly butt cheeks clapping with every skip.
--------------------------------------------------
"Sooo.... What did you guys think~?"
"It's... an improvement." Jaune sheepishly shrugged. "But, uh... Did you really need to talk about your ass like that?"
"What's wrong with a girl being proud of what she's got?"
"Nothing, nothing!" Jaune waved his hands defensively. "It's just... kinda..."
"Off-putting?" Pyrrha suggested.
"Vulgar?" Weiss added.
"Kinda overrated?" Yang rolled her eyes.
"Oh, you're just jealous of my donk, and you know it~!" Nora stuck her tongue out. "What about you, Ruby? What'd you think?"
"I, uh... I'm kinda lost." The red-hooded girl admitted. "Was the guy really strong or were the grenades like flashbangs? Mixed with smoke grenades?"
"They're regular grenades." Nora answered. "The guy was just kinda strong."
"Kinda strong? I don't think anyone can survive normal grenades like that."
"Oh, sure they can! I did last week!"
"...Okay, normal people can't survive grenade explosions."
"Jaune can!" Nora pointed.
"Yeah, because I have a shield."
"And also aura." Pyrrha added.
"What about you, Blake? Did you like it?"
"It's a decent story, though I think the premise is a little self-indulgent. It really felt like you were writing this story more for yourself than for an audience. Also, the fact that you just waved off murdering someone in an incredibly graphic way is somehow justified by his sexual harassment on his part. This really felt more like a revenge fic written to blow off steam, something better kept to yourself than shared with others."
"...Wow! That's a lot of words for 'It's perfect, Nora!' What about you, Renny? Did you like my-" She turned to see an empty seat where Ren was previously seated, which was noted by the chains left ringed on the cushion. "Ah. I see you've already escaped at some point."
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renaultmograine · 3 days
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AU where Balnazzar isn't stupid and instead of killing and impersonating Dathrohan during the Third War, he impersonates Calia Menethil
Calia is missing, either dead or intent on never showing her face again, making a prime candidate for impersonation
Being the princess of Lordaeron and the heir to the throne, the remnants of the Silver Hand would fight to the death for her, and with way more conviction than just for one of the first paladins
The amount of damage that could be done wielding the face of a powerful woman cannot be understated. I wholeheartedly believe that Calia-Balnazzar could make them whipped up into the Scarlet Crusade frenzy like. four months tops.
She's the princess. What are you going to do, argue with her? Tell her no?
None of the paladins likely know her that well, so Calia-Balnazzar could bullshit damn near anything she wanted to, while Dathrohan-Balnazzar would be constrained incredibly.
POV you're ill from a ~mysterious illness~ and the big tiddy priestess princess herself tends to you and comforts you and agrees that your dad really is shitty :( you should do something about that :)c
Realistically speaking, they would have to arrange a marriage for Calia-Balnazzar for when they reclaimed Lordaeron, and there's so many good options to pick from (for Calia-Balnazzar to have an easily manipulated husband). (Also no one knows real Calia is married with a child).
Taelan: sad man but he's well respected and the Lord of Hearthglen, where all their operations have been based out of. Too depressed about his dad to be any real hindrance to any schemes but that also means he might lack that driving force of pure insane zealotry.
Renault: younger, more emotionally unstable, clearly wanting someone to validate him. He's going to destroy whatever you point to with some hyping up, but he's definitely going to destroy himself at some point if he doesn't calm the down, and you're not going to want to be standing next to him when that happens
Darion: fairly younger, but that makes him more manipulable, and this whole 'recovering Lordaeron' nonsense is taking a while anyway. Sad about his dad so don't mention you encouraged Renault to kill him, but like. This is Darion we're talking about. Mister "I will interpret whatever you say into 'kill yourself for me' and then do it." He's going to be ride AND die if you don't fuck it up. You will need another man after he dies though. Well maybe not he's rather committed.
Decent chance Sally smites her. This crusade is NOT big enough for two bad bitches--there's a reason why Brigette Abbendis fucked off to Northrend--and it defintely isn't when Calia-Balnazzar is cozying up to Renault.
I want to say Sally/Calia-Balnazzar for the fun of it but I legitimately cannot imagine Sally doing anything more than tolerating her, even with the mind control shit.
Real Calia currently larping her tradlife with her unnamed husband and child finding out that the Princess has been found and that she's to be wed once the kingdom is returned and deciding she's not going to touch that with a thirty foot pole >>>> the FUNNIEST Before The Storm scenes imaginable if the crusade does manage to reclaim Lordaeron
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hotwaterandmilk · 7 months
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😭😭😭
He's right and he should say it. Kiddy deserved her happy ending and I'm so glad he gave it to her.
Happy birthday, Kiddy!
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❤️
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babisawyer · 1 year
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Jackie realizing she’s gonna have to take care of shauna and jeff’s ghost baby
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#🐇#yellowjackets#truly it’s so interesting to me how much better this season is than the first that literally never happens for me#the current timeline is finally getting interesting. Jeff is still the best part#love how fast misty took to being a cult that is so her™️#Jackie liking poppies is interesting to me both in the Jackie is gay camp and also you know the whole thing with wizard oz and her death#the ending was so fucking depressing I need a nap now#like I’m so happy they didn’t eat the baby that would have been so incredibly cheap but glad to finally have answers#like do we think shauna was dreaming or had she temporarily crossed over because like where was Jackie and the French dude#I’d say it would make sense that Lottie could be there somehow#idk it reminded me a lot of Jackie’s death of course so I have many questions#I will say the cop story line is pretty stupid like no fucking way is any of this legal and also let’s kill that creep cop shauna#I will help you girl I will drive the get away car#I was also like wondering awhile ago if Lottie’a camp is near where the plane crash was#and my best friend and I were like no there’s no way and then they tell us it’s in New York so like possibly close to the boarder?#I tried looking up cherry hill but I couldn’t find anything idk it’s probably totally unlikely and they just also happen to be in the woods#I didn’t get a preview for next week is there a preview? idk#my complaint this week is where is Jackie lmfao where is her ghost why wasn’t she in sex ed give me something I’m not ready to move on!!!!
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wonder-worker · 1 month
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"[Elizabeth Woodville's] piety as queen seems to have been broadly conventional for a fifteenth-century royal, encompassing pilgrimages, membership of various fraternities, a particular devotion to her name saint, notable generosity to the Carthusians, and the foundation of a chantry at Westminster after her son was born there. ['On other occasions she supported planned religious foundations in London, […] made generous gifts to Eton College, and petitioned the pope to extend the circumstances in which indulgences could be acquired by observing the feast of the Visitation']. One possible indicator of a more personal, and more sophisticated, thread in her piety is a book of Hours of the Guardian Angel which Sutton and Visser-Fuchs have argued was commissioned for her, very possibly at her request."
-J.L. Laynesmith, "Elizabeth Woodville: The Knight's Widow", "Later Plantagenet and Wars of the Roses Consorts: Power, Influence, Dynasty"
#historicwomendaily#elizabeth woodville#my post#friendly reminder that there's nothing indicating that Elizabeth was exceptionally pious or that her piety was 'beyond purely conventional'#(something first claimed by Anne Crawford who simultaneously claimed that Elizabeth was 'grasping and totally lacking in scruple' so...)#EW's piety as queen may have stood out compared to former 15th century predecessors and definitely stood out compared to her husband#but her actions in themselves were not especially novel or 'beyond normal' and by themselves don't indicate unusual piety on her part#As Laynesmith's more recent research observes they seem to have been 'broadly conventional'#A conclusion arrived at Derek Neal as well who also points out that in general queens and elite noblewomen simply had wider means#of 'visible material expression of [their] personal devotion' - and also emphasizes how we should look at their wider circumstances#to understand their actions (eg: the death of Elizabeth's son George in 1479 as a motivating factor)#It's nice that we know a bit about Elizabeth's more personal piety - for eg she seems to have developed an attachment to Westminster Abbey#It's possible her (outward) piety increased across her queenship - she undertook most of her religious projects in later years#But again - none of them indicate the *level* of her piety (ie: they don't indicate that she was beyond conventionally pious)#By 1475 it seems that contemporaries identified Cecily Neville as the most personally devout from the Yorkist family#(though Elizabeth and even Cecily's sons were far greater patrons)#I think people also assume this because of her retirement to Westminster post 1485#which doesn't work because 1) we don't actually know when she retired? as Laynesmith says there is no actual evidence for the traditional#date of 12 February 1487#2) she had very secular reasons for retiring (grief over the death of her children? her lack of dower lands or estates which most other#widows had? her options were very limited; choosing to reside in the abbey is not particularly surprising. it's a massive and unneeded jump#to claim that it was motivated solely by piety (especially because it wasn't a complete 'retirement' in the way people assume it was)#I think historians have a habit of using her piety as a GOTCHA!' point against her vilification - which is a flawed and stupid argument#Elizabeth could be the most pious individual in the world and still be the pantomime villain Ricardians/Yorkists claim she was#They're not mutually exclusive; this line of thinking is useless#I think this also stems from the fact that we simply know very little about Elizabeth as an individual (ie: her hobbies/interests)#certainly far less than we do for other prominent women Margaret of Anjou; Elizabeth of York;; Cecily Neville or Margaret Beaufort#and I think rather than emphasizing that gap of knowledge her historians merely try to fill it up with 'she was pious!'#which is ... an incredibly lackluster take. I think it's better to just acknowledge that we don't know much about this historical figure#ie: I do wish that her piety and patronage was emphasized more yes. but it shouldn't flip too far to the other side either.
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pensymbols · 4 months
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if u believe that jason grace is lame gtfo this is NOT safe space for you
#everytime someone claims hes a boring character and a blank canvas i losd up a gun and#like jason ISNT a boring character hes actually incredibly interesting#but rick riordian fucking hates his guts and refuses to give him anythin#like genuinely#like first of all jason getting his memory wiped but hes never able to regain them???#so despite people knowing WHO he was and him having the general feeling of knowing who he is he genuienly cannot remember shit#and those memory problems persist all the way up throughout toa#second of all his general past??#like the grace siblings had such good backstories in the sense they were intriguing and actually defined everything and every choice they#-make#like jason who was proclaimed as heras/junos since he was born stolen from thalia who was raising him and she cant wver find him again and#-so she assumes shes dead and being reluctant to take in annabeth whos supposed to be around her baby brothers age#that shits peak#and then theres jason who was raised by wolves and then eventually found his way to new rome where he was only ever seen as jupiters son or#junos champion and he was only ever going to be the praetor and no one there truly saw jason for who he is#like thats PEAK#AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE JASON VS PERCY THING BCS A) I THINK ITS DUMB AND B) ITS STUPID#also rick DOES hate jason grace bcz they killed his character long before toa when thwy tried to make jason more like zeus so the rivalry-#-could make more sense#pjo#percy jackson and the heroes of olympus#jason grace#percy jackon and the olympians#heros of olympus#trials of apollo
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aq2003 · 7 months
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there comes a beautiful time in life where i have to ask myselg th question, "did i accidentally project too hard onto the character that i only relate to a little bit and in doing so hugely missed this one entire aspect/interpretation of the characters . am i stupid"
#ARE THEY STUPID!#dr who#this is about ten specifically his relationship w martha lmao#m being so serious i genuinely did not. see the 'ten was on purpose leading martha on to make her think her feelings were requited' angle#until going out into the wild and reading the tumblr posts. like i genuinely did not. at ALLLLLL. its like a brick hitting my head#bc the ENTIRE time s3 ten came off to me as 'doing stuff w no romantic intent behind it but would consistently get misinterpreted as such'#cuz IIIIIIIII have done this. IIIIIIII have run into this problem before. and it sucks so incredibly bad.#i actually do want to think my og interpretation still holds water cuz like. well i could gather all the evidence but#first one that comes 2 mind would be him going 'it's like when you fancy someone + they dont know you exist' to martha. in episode TWELVE#two routes; either ten is needlessly cruel and callous even after a season's worth of building up trust and friendship w her#or he is on super 'i dont think she has feelings for me and this is a very unhappy coincidence of a line' cocaine#Or the 'she fancied me' line in s4 to donna. either he is disregarding all the good and positive impact she did him. or the fact that this#went over his head the whole time made him look back on that time w discomfort <- I DID THIS. I MIGHT HAVE BEEN PROJECTING#THIS ONTO HIM. AM I STUPID.?.?????#you know how mikage rgu can either be read as an incel or a gay man lost so completely in the sauce#ten is like in this same ballpark. i think. of 'emotionally manipulative and disrespects women' or 'aroacespec and missed the cues'#funniest possible options to pick from. ten my brother how did you set yourself up like this#absolutely not denying that he was toxic and unhealthy during s3 in like 500 ways btw. but well. ths is the one concwpt that#flew over my head. so completely. and i can kind of see it now but i also still find it hard to incorporate into my belief system#bc its like. brother I'M aroace and missed the cues too lol#tangential note we can trace many problems down to a writer's room filled w white people not giving#martha's character the respect/agency she deserves for the existing narrative she has. bc they pulled this w mickey too both in series 1+2#if they wanted to portray ten as manipulative then him and martha should've been given more screentime#together where martha (or anyone else) calls him the FUCK out on this. and ten would need to suffer narrative consequences of doing smth#as fucked up as that rather than his happy stable dynamic he has w donna. if they wanted to portray him as oblivious then marthas character#shouldn't have constantly been boiled down to an unrequited crush (particularly her dialogue in the s3 finale - there's a LOT more reasons#why she would choose to leave/why their dynamic was unhealthy besides ten not returning her feelings)#if you read all these tags you may be entitled 2 financial compensation#ten and martha#aspec doc tag
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deklo · 2 months
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someone i’ve followed on here and insta used to take the coolest photos and maybe edit them a bit for a specific vibe :( but now all they do is post AI generated photos without disclosing it :(
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zipmode · 9 months
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I "like" my "job" but its so sucks that I can't have my phone on me while the show's going on and i can't even doodle and draw because im backstage and its soso dark... during our tech rehearsals i would slide my run sheet out onto the stage just enough so that nobody could see it but i had enough light to draw LOL. But now that we're open i don't wanna risk doing that... so basically i just pace around and zone out 😁👍
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microwave-core · 2 months
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I wish that music players on blogs still worked. If they did, I would put this on loop.
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britneyshakespeare · 2 months
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The shy bachelor Godwin thought that Mary Robinson was not only intelligent and "Rational," but also incomparably beautiful. His daughter Mary Shelley recorded that "Among his acquaintances were several women, to whose society he was exceedingly partial, and who were all distinguished for personal attractions and talents. Among them may be mentioned the celebrated Mary Robinson, whom to the end of his life he considered as the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, but though he admired her so greatly, their acquaintance scarcely attained intimate friendship."
Perdita: The Literary, Theatrical, and Scandalous Life of Mary Robinson (2004) by Paula Byrne, page 322, contained in the beginning of Chapter 22: Radical
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madfoxx · 2 years
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pov: you´re the second member of a reputable detective trio and your colleague (responsible for research and archiving) has just entered the room in his undecover outfit for the newest case so you turn into a braindead moron while your other colleague watches on in confusion.
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widevibratobitch · 5 months
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#vent post vent post lalalala#i wanted to post some pictures from my weekend trip with my friends before its too late but then i saw my fucking face and now i wanna kms#like oh my god. oh my god this is really truly the face im stuck with forever and ever and ever till the day im fuckin rotting in the groun#incredible how unfair life can be lmao (<- girl who is having such incredibly superficial stupid fucking problems but is otherwise#quite privileged but of course that will never be fucking enough for her because she's soooooo fckn stupid and selfish and annoyinggg lol)#i dont know why im so obsessed with it now#like i genuinely remember KNOWING that im kinda ugly (and fat) in high school and being like 'so what lol idc'#so WHY is it such an issue now?????#idk. i just kinda wish i was dead every time i look at my face and realise there's nothing i can do to change it#i can dress in ways that will cover my ugly ass shapeless body. maybe i can even go back to my ed properly this time#and lose some weight. for a time. before i gain back twice as much and the circle begins anew lol#but my face is not gonna change no matter what i do lmao unless i fucking scrape it off with a grater or smash my head into pieces#and like. even if i do get that rhinoplasty (its not gonna change my faceshape anyway. nothing i can do to fix THAT fuckin atrocity)#every time ill look in the mirror i will only be reminded that its fake. and that my natural face was disgusting enough it had to be cut up#to be fixed somewhat.#i just wish i had ONE. just ONE nice thing about my body. literally just one its not even funny lol#and its so fucked up when you look at my mom who was so insanely fucking beautiful when she was my age. like. i cant blame her#cause how could she have known that the genes she'll pass on will not result in anything good lol but also i feel like such a failure#like its not really my fault i got the genes i got. but yknow.#anyway im tired of always being the ugliest person in any group im hanging out with. my cousins? check. my hometown friends? check.#my uni friends? my GOD check (how ARE they all so pretty and skinny??? insane).#god i wish i were dead. like fr fr. im not actively suicidal since i cant bring myself to *do* shit anyway. but i just wish i never existed
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lecliss · 5 months
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I finished the special story in Connections and it got me to bawl my eyes out so bad. That story was so much more meaningful and emotional and impactful than the entirety of Naruto itself. What the fuck do you mean it was written by Kishimoto????? He did NOT write something for a side story in one of the ultimate ninja storm games and make it better than anything he's ever done before. There's just no fucking way.
#i fucking hate when filler and non canon side stuff is like. better than canon lmao#and not cuz like. filler doesnt deserve it ooo fuck filler whatever NO!!!!! BECAUSE IF ITS GOOD PEOPLE STILL DONT WATCH AND THEN CALL YOU#A LOSER EVEN BOTHERING WITH FILLER!!!!! FUCK OFF!!!! FUCK NARUTO AND FUCK SASUKE AND YOU KNOW WHAT. EVEN FUCK OBITO#NO THIS IS ABOUT BORUTO AND NANASHI AND HOW THAT WAS THE BEST NARUTO AND YES EVEN BORUTO CONTENT EVER CREATED#AND NO ONES GOING TO CARE BECAUSE WAAAA FILLER IS STUPID AND IT SUCKS WAAAAA SUCK MY COCK#the best most emotional arc in bleach is fucking filler. the connections side story is barely even filler when its for a fucking VIDEO GAME#ITS NOT FUCKING FAIRRRRRRRR!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#that was the best naruto content ever. better than even blood prison by a loooooong shot#it just fucked me up man. it really really fucked me up and REALLY got to me#i started getting pissed off how far down the rabbit hole it is of content people actovely DONT want#its an original side story in a game people play for the pvp. its boruto related. ITS FILLER as in no relation to the#plot written by ikemoto#its boruto and its filler and what could people possibly hate more? boruto filler.#but nanashi was an amazing character and bort proved once again that hes the bestest boy in the whole wide world#and not to mentiom merz was really really hot when he took the bandages off his face. im SORRY BUT ITS TRUEEEEE LOOK AT HIM!!!!! FUCK DUDE#and message was so so beautiful and so was the animation and the effects. and just. GOD. they could have made that a movie#MAAAAN i wish it was!!!! that woulda made an INCREDIBLE movie!!!!!#im not gonna get over this. i will always be obsessed with this. holy shit#also im sorry mitsuki but i ship BoruNana/BoruHika now.#at least with nanashi i dont have to worry about her whole character getting thrown to the wayside since her story's already over#now this is reminding me of the anime throwing ryogi away even tho his relationship with shikadai made me feral#just cuz that wasnt an arc in the manga!!! WHICH WAS STILL TOTALLY IN AN ERA OF THEM HAVING ALMOST NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER#thats what fuckin shoulda happened. the anime and manga should have stayed wildly different stories#i hate how all the original plots that the anime started with got shafted to follow the manga's story#ryogi didnt matter. KAGURA DIDNT FUCKING MATTER CUZ THEY KILLED HIM OFF LATER CUZ I GUESS I NON-MANGA CHARACTER DOESNT MATTER#FUCK OFF!!!!!!!#i hate it here. i fucking hate naruto. leave me alone i need to wallow. im going to wallow brb. i need a wallow sesh#personal
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