#and feel good about my existence

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

[uncanny-tranny]

The thing that gets me about history and humanity is that you never know what is immortalized, and the things that will be immortalized are things you would never think.

I saw a person sharing a new tattoo, and it was one of Onfim's drawings. A boy who lived so long ago he is barely a blip now, but his drawings meant so much to people that somebody is now permanently marked in their skin with one of those drawings. Do you ever look at the things you make and just sit there and wonder if this is the thing that future people look at? Do you ever look at your art, your writing, your schoolwork, or anything that is yours and just wonder who will find it, who will fall in love with a piece of your humanity and become overwhelmed with emotion over? It's not unlikely. It's not totally unlikely that somebody will find a piece of you in the distant future and devoid of any other context of who you were will still love you because you were here. You were here, and you are still here, even hundreds or thousands of years later. Treat yourself with the same love that so many have for dear Onfim.

#positivity #gentle reminders #if anybody has ancient children's drawings beside onfim let me know they melt my heart #i have always wanted a tattoo of that kind of thing too and i want ideas #see if archeologists dig me up or whomever else they won't find significant tattoos or other things. they will see i have loss.jpeg on me #and i think that's just as important. these people must know that people are silly and weird and don't make sense and that's IMPORTANT #i'm just. so obsessed with this because it's instantly humanizing #what little child hasn't drawn humans with twelve fingers per hand #or those kids drawings where it's only a torso/head conglomerate with stick legs and hands #i just really lived seeing how their tattoo turned out because i wasn't sure if it would look good in ink and skin #i feel the same way about archiving the internet. i was looking for the written crochet pattern for something #and the person who wrote and created it passed away and their blog has been scrubbed #their blog only exists on the archives. their pattern is only accessible on youtube because somebody made a video tutorial with the pattern #it's an eerie feeling. they've been gone for two years but their blog has been tethered by the wayback machine

[ganondoodle]

me: finally im able to cope with how much i hate totk and can fuel that energy into other things :)

nintendy: the shiekah tech just dissappeared and no one knows why or cares enough to investigate it lol. lmao. its gone bc the calamity is gone or something even tho it literally isnt bc ganondorf is right there haha lol, stop asking, why do you care. just forget it existed and look at that sexy goatman and glue instead!! glue! isnt that wild?? also its totally a direct, 100% same universe and exact same characters, despite them act totally out of character, sequel to botw-

#ganondoodles talks #ganondoodles rants #zelda #totk #im just fucking!!!! at my limit!!!! #what the fuck do you mean #the calamity is the equivalent of ganondorfs farts trying to wake himself up and you say lololo is gone so the techs gone #then why do some parts still exist huh??????? #fuyking clowns #all the threads leading organically into another game WOOOP NOPE CUT THEM ALL WE DIDNT MEAN TO GIVE IT MEANING LOL #what is ancient energy and whys there a big concetration under these regions including hyrule castle? oh my god is it bc gan is there an- #NOPE forget we ever said that haha lol lmao even #can you really blame me for feeling like im being laughed at #like totk is mocking me bc i care about botw and thought theyd take up the interesting things they set up in it to expand upon??? #and no instead they backpedal like oh no we accidentally made it seem interesting quick get the iron out we need to FLATTEN this bitch #and they keep making it WORSE by insisting that its totally 1000% a direct sequel #just fucking say its some alternative bullshit again #i am begging them to let soemone else direct the next game #bc when the guy makes accidentally good lore he needs to immedaitely flatten all the good stuff when it comes to a sequel apparently

[botanautical]

'We all yearn for the woods. That's why every fellow on this island wants to settle down near a tree - just one will do.'

#dazai osamu #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #bsd fanart #it's dazai day!! #i wish this insufferable fictional man weren't so beloved to me #but as somebody plagued by silly brain issues he is oddly comforting and makes me feel less alone #and bsd introduced me to actual dazai osamu whose writing is honestly groundbreaking to me and i've barely even scratched the surface #it's something about the confluence of humour and tragedy... the desire to exist to bring joy to others at the expense of one's own #i feel like asagiri imparted this notion well onto bsd dazai - i know a lot of people dislike dazai and question his motivations #but i have faith in him and believe he's pursuing good #anyway excuse the ramble! the caption is from dazai's short story 'monkey island'! thank you to my dear partner for finding it for me!! #i'm really very happy with how this piece turned out - i wanted to depict bsd dazai but really pay suitable homage to his namesake #it's been a while since i've had fun drawing but this one and other recent pieces this month have really brought me back into it #happy birthday dazai #botanautical

[ecoterrorist-katara]

I kind of love how Zutara has two distinct ship dynamics

dynamic 1: “I will save you from the pirates,” enemies-to-lovers, Zuko is dangerous but sexy, bad boy x good girl, morally grey antihero, Dramione vibes etc

dynamic 2: Zuko is an awkward turtleduck, idiots-to-lovers, pining for your best friend, having each other’s backs, thinking she’s the coolest thing since sliced bread, Percabeth vibes etc

We can argue about which is the correct interpretation until the cows come home, but I love that the possibilities exist in the first place. From s1 to post-series headcanons there are such distinct stages in their relationship, and you can basically pick whichever point that appeals to you and run with it. There’s something for everyone. Yet another reason why they’re the best ship y’all

#In general I think women are shamed for liking the enemies to lovers dynamic bc toxic or whatever #And what I like about ZK is you don’t have to feel guilty for liking the bad boy x good girl because they get way healthier later on #but the belligerent romantic tension remains and that opens up a lot of possibilities for fan interpretation #Not that women should feel guilty for liking what they like in the first place esp in fiction #But fiction that allows you to reconcile what you should like vs what you actually like can be very cathartic #And ofc the fact that Bryke talk about ZK as if only dynamic 1 exists is baffling #I should embrace my destiny as a Bryke anti because really it’s getting out of hand #Zutara #Enemies to lovers #My meta #technically?

[girlwiththegreenhat]

oh my god they added a stanley cup to neopets

#liz blogs #stanley cup #neopets #i dont get it these cups have existed for years and there are so many insulated cup brands #but apparently they gave some to a few influencers and now everyone thinks theyre special?? #i mean they're nice cups but damn people will buy anything if an influencer has it #there's also like. yeti. and a few other insulated brands. they all work the same #god influencer trends are annoying just buy the damn cup and be normal about it whbjdfghjbdfg #i say this as someone who loves a good insulated cup. love that my coffee stays warm for hours in a yeti mug #i just feel insane when people Randomly go feral for some product ONLY because of some dibshit influencer

[darubyprincx]

to be, or not to be (romanticization of the inevitable)

#ray's tag #keys' art #undescribed #skeletons #ok to reblog #the skeleton model that i traced for this was provided by the incredible kiku @kikunai whom you can find right here on tumblr! #so uh. This is a piece about chronic fatigue although the original idea i had for it drifted a bit as soon as I started coloring the linear #(i really enjoy shading and lighting things and got a bit carried away here but i stand by my choice because this is my favorite thing #that i've ever drawn) #anyways. i often feel especially lately with school being back in season that my bones are leaden with this sort of. weariness. theyre heav #it weighs on our mental health and energy a lot and although there's a couple of reasons we have been given for it #that doesn't remove the fact that this is still a thing that affects us in a very real way day to day although we are good at masking it. #often i come home to find that i do not have the physical mental or creative energy to work on things i really want to #especially project: nexus which i feel extra bad about even though i can't help it because i just started it so recently #it is a mild to moderate struggle to make it day to day and i just. wanted to represent this somehow #my original concept for this was a skeleton with some black goop gunk whatever leaking from its joints #but as i started adding the cracks and coloring them gold (a personal touch; kintsugi is a concept that is very dear to us) #i realized that the focus here was less on the condition itself and more on the body that it afflicts. #so i put it into a spotlight. #ironic i know since very little people acknowledge this irl or even know it exists at all but i added rim lighting. I added color gradients #I colored the lineart and made it all fancy and even added a flare for the head to get the point across that even at its core; disability i #a performance. this is not implying that disabilities are fake in fact this is the opposite of that. i wanted to show that with disabilitie #especially i think in my personal opinion the invisible ones #we are all masking at least a little bit during the vast majority of the day. humans are social creatures and it is only when we are alone #or with someone we deeply trust where we allow ourselves to be who we truly are without fear and even then that can be rare #so i wanted to show this bit of the soul in as broad a limelight as i could. idk this is a really abstract piece and i dont know if anyone #will even get it but it matters to me at least. and even though we've been largely bedridden for the past week i think that's okay #we will get it figured out. all of us. okay? okay. i love you. i fucking love you. we are going to fucking make it #(also the xes over the eyes are because i thought they looked cool they have no deeper meaning at least i think they dont #actually i think they do but i cant put it into words idk. Art is subjective assign your own meaning i'm gonna go get a shower)

[seventh-fantasy]

圣人有情而无累

dihua + 情 | 莲花楼 mysterious lotus casebook

#莲花楼 #mysterious lotus casebook #asiandramasource #dailyasiandramas #cdramasource #asiandramanet #cdramagifs #cdramanet #gifshistorical #cdrama #cheng yi #dihua #lhlgifs #jielin's edits #my posts #情 sentiments (not romance or love) / 圣人有情而无累 a sage possesses feelings but is unburdened by it #sgm lxy was described to be cold and unfeeling to the extent he's likened to a ''dead person'' #not bc he was above feelings. bc clearly when he was made to face it...it went very badly #so llh ending at the point where he's so composed and at ease despite having to leave everything he cared about behind. yeah. #one would think llh would have been dead from bicha by then. but he's never been more alive tbh #very much a xianxia/cmyth narrative. by the theoretical definitions of xianxia/cmyth #it's a dihua thing to me also since it is them that evoked in one another each of their own ordeals with 情 #dfs said to lxy that 你的弱点就是喜欢当英雄. what is good pretending your motivations are so noble #bc dfs had lived his whole life for himself and only himself. he does not pretend to be more than that #and the interesting thing is when it's followed by 一个剑客不该有弱点 as if he's speaking as the 理 of wulin. #being weak is bad and it means you'll lose. that's just the rule of wulin #he is that sort of paradoxical existence... #lxy goes on to prove otherwise as llh. while existing to bring to surface the 情 in dfs #-> just know i do not know what i'm talking about anymore i just have lots of convoluted thoughts about these two im incoherent about #uhhh enjoy some nice gifs!

[rollercoasterwords]

yeah u can put "i hate jkr" and "fuck terfs" in ur tumblr bio but. can u listen + reflect when a trans woman criticizes hp fandom without immediately getting defensive.....

#if a trans woman says 'my firsthand experience with hp fandom is that it's transmisogynistic' #in what world is the correct response to get angry at her and demand that she reassure u that not EVERYONE is transmisogynistic in fandom.. #like either a) u have not been transmisogynistic in which case...just keep scrolling #or b) u have been transmisogynistic in which case. u should take such posts as an opportunity 2 reflect on ur own behavior #and whether or not a or b applies to u is a personal evaluation for u 2 make privately #but EVEN if u feel the post does not in any way apply 2 u. it's still good 2 reflect!!! we are all participating in a fandom #that is tied inherently 2 a virulent transmisogynist #the least we can do is be vigilant in our personal circles + spaces abt transmisogyny..... #also personally. i think trans women can say whatever they want about hp lmao #especially on their own personal tumblr blogs that u can very easily just block if it's so upsetting 2 u.... #anyway. valid critiques and criticisms of hp fandom exist + part of being in this fandom in 2023 is accepting that imho #txt

[canisalbus]

As someone whose entire extended family lives in Sicily irl and they're all super catholic i am delighted by Machete's place of origin??? I literally feel like that meme with the anime girl that's like "(Location) mentioned!!!" anytime it comes up lol

Anyways I love reading OC lore so your blog is always a treat 😎

.

#oh thank you! it's so good to hear you like him! #I hope I'm not doing a glaring disservice to Sicilians or Italians as a whole with my weird dog guy #to be honest I'm always worried about people taking him as serious representation of some trait they associate with and feel close to #and then potentially getting disappointed or upset when he's flawed and troubled and not always entirely likable #does that make sense? I'm an overthinking people-pleaser it's probably just all in my head #answered #anonymous #it's so funny that this [location mentioned] is a worldwide phenomenon #especially in non-anglosphere countries #because Finnish people always get hella excited whenever Finland is mentioned anywhere #it's became a well known inside joke (torille) #we're such a small quiet and remote nation it's always a pleasant surprise whenever one of the big guys remembers that we exist

[bigkickguy]

some daan marcoh doodles around some dialogue bits I hit in game haha - gave me some thoughts on how one could think of daan if you only bumped into him at certain points? I don't remember the lines exactly but there were a few like this? 'Are you moving on? I guess we'll split ways here.' 'Someone has figure out how to treat these people...'

'You were very heroic stepping in there.' 'In the dark, your thoughts can really get to you out here...' 'Am... I... still a good man? Or...'

#fear and hunger #daan fear and hunger #marcoh fear and hunger #kickdraw #daanmarcoh #keep getting dialogue and I feel like if you only saw certain parts of Daan he seems like a very noble doctor figure #trying to research/avenge his dead almost(?) wife - staying behind to diagnose the villagers #meanwhile marcoh has like only killed one guy and is trying so hard to be a good person but is sinking in that Guilt #if daan stepped in on the marcoh held at gunpoint bit - I feel like it would fit Marcoh's lines about 'being heroic' or whatever #maybe he would be comparing himself to him - like 'im not a good man cause thats what a good man looks like in this situation' #and later when marcoh has a reality check he has to be like ... oh.... he's actually like this... huh #I feel like daan would hate it if anyone thought of him like this hakfjghadfg - but that makes it crunchier in my mind :) #daan starts looking much less like a tragic romantic protagonist when he is bickering with the party and getting dunked on #this weird image leaves the second you take both of them into the sewer and daan just starts complaining at him about the smell too often #sorry marcoh your fantasy protagonist man only exists in your dreams :) I think he'd still like him after getting a more realistic view tho

[crescentfool]

the persona 3 protagonist 25th anniversary nui in food appliances!

#lizzy speaks #persona 3 #minato arisato #makoto yuki #guys friendly reminder that this is what adulthood is about dont listen to anyone who calls you cringe #hence why im putting these in the main tags. i mean they're not incorrect for what the photos are about. lmao #anyway this was a very fun birthday!!! i feel very loved and supported by so many people and i got to do very fun things (like this)... #i think... birthday is like thanksgiving to me. in the gratitude respect. #a reminder of all the lovely people that i have gotten a chance to meet and how i've learned from them #it makes me very happy to have been born... i think every day is a great day to celebrate life's grandeur + brilliance + magnificence #it's just a very poignant and strong feeling that i have that i'm happy to have met so many wonderful people #and while there are some people i've only known for brief periods of time or people who i havent really been good at keeping in contact wit #i do cherish it! im so grateful. so happy that there are people who cheer my silly shenanigans on #while there are ways in which aging makes me go “oh hmm” i think overall i'm happy that i get to keep on living and learning #i have so much fondness for humanity and people... like even if i dont get to talk to ppl directly i just get very emotional yknow #like wow.. you exist.. thats so fucking awesome... i hope you have an awesome day... im glad our paths could cross #if you have read up to this point of my tags.. thank you for reading and being part of my life #i will keep on being the silliest guy ive ever known! cheers to more shenyanigans and self-discovery :3

[eggplantgifs]

Yuma Kagiyama: Werther » 2023 Grand Prix de France

#yuma kagiyama #fskateedit #figure skating #gp france 2023 #program #caught up on some galas and i'm obsessed with this program #i have literally watched it so many times #it takes everything good about yuma's skating and elevates it #the gorgeous lines and long sweeping edges on the music the softness of his hands #it's a very classical program but in the best way and it suits him so well #i'm just continuously in awe of how much he's improved this season #he said he wants to use this as his olympic season sp and i can't wait #though part of me is afraid he'll have to water down the choreo to make it a competitive program #it's so perfect the way it is now #i am VERY in my feelings tonight #like wow i love fs i love that skating like this exists and we get to see it

[hindahoney]

I refuse to sell out my own people just because the conversation makes people upset and uncomfortable. I don't care if my opinions are palatable to non-Jews. I'm here for Jews and nobody else.

#jumblr #judaism #jewish #jewblr #i dont have the time energy or empathy to explain why someone should care about self determination #and im tired of feeling like i constantly have to qualify my opinions to non jews who dont want to understand in the first place #so im not going to lol #im also tired of being made to feel like i have to sanitize my judaism to be “good” for people on tumblr #i dont exist for you and the internet isnt real life

[puppyeared]

I love you when we haven’t talked in weeks and months I love you when I have 12 unread messages I love you when im not in the mood to talk. We’re still friends even when we spend time apart

#it’s like delayed parallel play to me.. or perhaps sending letters in the mail #when I wrote this it’s because I have this thing that is like. having too much of a good thing #like if I talk to someone and love them too much I burn out.. does that make sense?? is that a universal experience??? #so sometimes when I have to spend time by myself I don’t stop loving my friends I think #especially because when I burn out I feel miserable for no reason and my brain comes up with ways to hate people #like oh they’re probably spending time with other ppl you’re disposable.. they probably forgot about you #one time I thought that if my friends were getting married they’d forget to invite me and it became a fear I’m trying to get over #but the answer I came up with is to keep reminding people I exist to stay present in their lives #even if it’s not as often as I can manage or would like. idk #yapping #feelings

[jameszmaguire]

Not the kids. You can't kill kids.

#goodomendsedit #goodomensedits #goodomenssource #Good Omens #Aziraphale #Crowley #tusermyra #userfra #crowleyanthonys #tusermich #my gifs #fixing the one thing that really truly bothers me about the writing of a companion to owls #because any feelings about the mere existence of the pre-fall scene aside aziraphale invoking the angel crowley once was makes no sense her #because nothing we are shown of pre-fall crowley impacts this scene because pre-fall crowley doesn't (yet) care about the humans #he is devastated for the stars and the universe but not the humans but you know who is? the demon who takes a moment to reassure an angel #that his protection of the first two humans was the right thing the demon whose first reaction upon hearing of god's plan to drown humans #is to go 'not the kids. you can't kill kids.' the faith that aziraphale has in crowley very specifically in this very moment #according to what we've been shown in the show should not be build on the angel he once knew but on the demon that he now knows #and i understand that that line is there to show that aziraphale then understands that pre-fall and post-fall crowley are still the same #but like. if that's your message then write a scene where the continuity is actually between pre-fall and post-fall crowley lol