#and for making it harder on myself by representing the doors with diamonds

[capriciouswriter207]

Caesar House AU, now with a floorplan of the Caesar House:

#caesar house au #now with floorplan #proportions might not be completely correct #but you get the gist #this is what i get for basing the layout of the house on the layout of the house in the series i stole the story's premise from #and for making it harder on myself by representing the doors with diamonds #after drawing the dinner table i was done adding details #so no details for the living room unfortunately

[dmsden]

Make It Mean Something - Making PC deaths meaningful to the other players

Hullo, Gentle Readers. Sometimes the dice are not in a player’s favor. Sometimes three death saves come up awfully fast. Sometimes a death happens, and everyone’s sitting around the table uncertainly, not sure how to react. It is that moment that daddydeputy raised in their Question from a Denizen. They asked if I had any thoughts on “How to make pc deaths more impactful and growthful for the others (and perhaps themselves?)”

DD, it’s a tricky balance to strike. On the one hand, you want the game to have real and dangerous consequences for the actions the characters take. On the other hand, the death of a beloved character can really upset a player or even crash a whole campaign. My players are very mature and accepting of the consequences (although they’ll pull out all the stops to try and stop it from happening to one of their own), but not everyone can be, even if they say they are. Sometimes you don’t know how the death of a character is going to affect you until it happens. I think of myself as a very mature player, but if a character as dear to me as Skittle, my mouse pooka from Changeling the Dreaming, died, I suspect I’d be devastated.

Some campaigns have a very revolving door attitude towards death. Oh, you died? Here’s a revivify spell, or a raise dead spell, or what have you. Other make it harder, possibly keeping those spells out of the hands of the players or requiring skill challenges for raising the dead (a la Critical Role). I suspect DD is wanting to lean more towards the latter, so let’s look at some ways to really make death matter.

Run lower-level campaigns: At low levels, death is a lot more difficult to overcome. By the time you get your fallen friend to a temple, the window for Revivify is long over, and who can afford the diamond for a Raise Dead spell, even assuming you can find a cleric who can cast it for free for you? But most NPC temples I’ve run in my games have been willing to cast Raise Dead for free if the PCs will undertake a quest on behalf of the temple. In a situation like this, the dead PC’s player could potentially play a cleric or paladin of the temple sent along to help, or the temple might cast raise dead in advance and take an oath that they will fulfill the quest. If the temple doesn’t trust them to keep their word, there are always geas spells to make sure of it.

Limit access to spells that return the dead: Maybe not every god grants the ability to raise the dead to their followers. Maybe diamonds are hard to find in your campaign. Whatever the path you take, you can make certain that death isn’t just a revolving door by making the spells difficult to cast. Maybe the deity will only grant the spells to their cleric once the party fulfills a quest or defeats a monster that has been plaguing the faithful. You could change the material component from a diamond to “the deity’s favor.” Casting the spell expends the favor, so now a new service to the deity would be needed before the next chance of casting it.

Make return from death uncertain: One of the things I really like in Critical Role that I intend to adopt in my next campaign (and I even know how I’m going to make the change make sense in my campaign world) is that returning from death via Raise Dead is by no means a certain thing. The Critical Role has a skill challenge like system in which up to three people can contribute to the ritual to return the dead by entreating the dead person to return. If people all want to use the same skill, such as Persuasion, the DC for the second and third people goes up. A PC might be coaxed to return via Performance, Persuasion, Intimidation, Deception...I’d even allow rolls like Arcana for magically coercing the dead spirit to return or Religion to remind a Paladin that their duty to their deity is not yet fulfilled. This had led to some dramatic moments in CR, and I definitely intend to put together my own system for my next campaign.

Make return from death limited: You could very easily put together a system that limited the number of times the same spirit could return from the dead. In older editions of D&D, returning from death required a “System Shock” check, and the body might not survive the attempt to reunite it with its spirit. If you wanted something similar, you could make a system in which one of your attributes represents your ability to return from death, even using Revivify. I would like base it off of your Constitution or Charisma score. You can return from death a number of times equal to 1+your Constitution or Charisma modifier (minimum of 1). That way, characters can die at least once and come back, but it can’t happen dozens of times.

Make the way someone dies directly affect their afterlife: For some players, this will really matter. I once had a ranger who despised dragons in a campaign. He found a dragonslaying sword, made it his business to get the party to face dragons, etc. When he finally died, it was facing two dragons to buy the party time to escape from a canyon where the dragons were in danger of TPKing them. He was killed, but he wounded both dragons quite a bit. The party managed to kill them, and they recovered the body. The ranger’s player absolutely had no intention of coming back from the dead. “How on earth would my character have a cooler death than that?” the player laughed. “That was perfect.” I described how he was received into the afterlife of his culture as a hero, and he was very happy with the end of the story for his ranger. To draw this along further, what if how a PC dies affects their standing in the afterlife? If they die in a super cool way, maybe they get a high place of honor in Valhalla, or whatever you use. A PC who then dies fighting a lich or saving innocents is likely to receive a heroes welcome. This might be preferable to them than going back to life and then possibly getting killed by a trap or a bunch of orcs. This then makes the heroic death more palatable and desirable.

However you decide to make death impactful, I strongly recommend letting story trump rules for dramatic purposes. Technically, a character who has failed three death saving throws is just plain dead, but what fun is that. Instead, consider the possibility of having them be beyond saving instead. Let them be briefly conscious, either to beg the others to find a way to save them (think Spider-Man in Avengers: Infinity War as he gets “dusted”) or to tell them that their death is welcome and to let them go (a la Theoden in Return of the King). I remember a Werewolf game where a beloved PC was dying and telling her beloved pack how much she cared for them. There were many real tears being shed around the table, including by me as the Storyteller. Giving the PC a chance to speak and interact, even though it’s not part of the rules, gave the group a moment that I know I personally will never forget.

The biggest piece of advice I can give is that you must make sure your players are onboard with this. If you want death to be more powerful, impactful, and difficult to return from, DO NOT spring this on your players mid-game. This should be something everyone’s aware of, not something that comes as a surprise. Let everyone know during Session Zero; make sure everyone is okay with it, and, if not, be prepared to either back off from the idea (or else find a different player who’s onboard.) Like the X-card, be prepared to modify this even mid-campaign if someone shows that maybe they’re not as okay with losing Damathran Darkwarden as they thought they were. In the end, it’s just a game. It’s not worth hurting feelings and losing friends over.

I hope that helps, DD. Thanks for the question!

[shedobewritingalittle]

Not A Team: Part 2- New World Order

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: The Reader gives a speech at the opening of Steve’s exhibit and has a talk with Sam following his speech.

Rating: T

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER, talks of death, talks of mental illness, feelings of isolation

Read Part One here

Listen to the playlist inspired by the series here

Y/N felt like coming here today was a mistake.

Her stomach tossed and turned like a stormy sea, threatening to send her breakfast all over Rhodey's shiny shoes. She was second guessing everything. Was her dress nice enough? Rhodey had told her she looked great, but she hadn't worn a dress since Steve's funeral-Oh God, what if he was lying to her? No, he wouldn't lie to her-but what if he felt bad? Jesus, dd her shoes look stupid? Maybe she shouldn't have worn heels-but then she always wore heels with dresses and if she wore flats that would look childish. Did her speech sound coherent? Fuck, what if she messes up. Would they think she was doing it on purpose out of retribution for what Steve did? No, they didn't know what Steve did, what he had done to her. What if-

"Hey, hey. What's wrong? You look like you're going to blow chunks." Rhodey cuts through her thoughts like a hot knife through butter. He puts his hand on her back, "Breathe, Y/N."

"Maybe this a bad idea, Rhodey. I mean they have Sam. I think Sam can handle this." She stumbles over her words, trying to calm herself down. Her heart was racing a hundred miles a minute and she swore her hands were shaking,

"You're going to be okay, but you need to relax. I've read and reread your speech a dozen times. It's perfect." Rhodey tries to soothe her, his hand rubbing her back. Y/N squeezes her eyes shut, working on slowing her breathing. In through her nose and out through her mouth.

"Hey pretty lady, I was wondering where the exhibit is. I'm supposed to be giving a speech there today." A voice calls out, sending Y/N's eyes flying open. She turns on her heels, being greeted by the sight of Sam walking towards them, holding the leather case that carries the shield. Y/N can feel the tension melting out of her shoulders as a smile spreads across her nervous face.

"Rhodey, I think they might be letting anyone speak here today." Y/N teases, the anxiousness slipping away, releasing its hold on her. Rhodey chuckles, shaking his head at his friend's antics. She hadn't seen Sam since the days following Steve's funeral and right now, he's a welcome sight. Sam rests his hand over his heart, feigning hurt as he gets closer.

"You wound me, woman." Sam jokes, smiling right back at her. They embrace, her arms wrapping around his neck as his go around her waist, "I missed you, kid."

"I've missed you too, Sammy." She murmurs back, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. They pull away and Sam smiles at her, the skin around his eyes wrinkling. Rhodey clears his throat, gently touching Y/N's upper arm.

"Hey I need to go talk to some people, alright?" Rhodey announces, almost as if he is asking permission. Y/N just smiles and nods, the smile staying on her face until he walks away from the two.

"How are you feeling, Y/N?" Sam questions, to which Y/N sighs, looking down at her shoes.  She stays quiet for a moment, feeling his eyes on her.

"You want the truth or you want me to tell you what I tell Rhodey?" She replies, looking back at him. Y/N shifts from one foot to another, glad they were far from the crowd that was gathering. He gives her a look, giving her an answer without opening his mouth. She sighs again, twisting her wedding ring around her finger.

"I don't sleep, not really. I get maybe an hour a night if I am lucky. I-The house is filled with boxes that I can't unpack because-" Her voice cracks, her chest rising and falling quickly. She bites the inside of her cheek, forcing herself to not cry, "I thought that leaving the apartment would make him go away, but it didn't."

"Well Steve was always stubborn." Sam responds, making a laugh bubble out of her throat before she could stop it. There was an "I'm sorry" buried in the joke and Y/N knew it, but decided to only focus on the joke.

-

The stage looked daunting.

She forced herself up those steps, the person who had introduced her still had his hand outstretched towards her. Y/N wondered if she could make a run for it. Sure people will be mad at her, but she won't be forcing herself through this. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, the clapping nothing but a ringing in her ears. For a moment, her eyes landed on the giant banner of her husband, a lump forming in her throat. He was watching over her, his face emotionless as his eyes seemingly followed her every step. Cameras flashed as she stood on the stage, striding over to the podium. Once she stood in front of it, a hush fell over the crowd.

Y/N Rogers had saved thousands of lives. She was an Avenger and had faced countless foes. Hell, her wedding had more people in attendance than this event, but she still felt sick to her stomach. Y/N gave them all a smile as she forced herself to calm down, swallowing hard before speaking.

"To say that Steve Rogers was a special man is putting lightly. He was a hero that many of us, myself included, aspired to be one day. And while many of you only knew him as Captain America, I was among the lucky few that got to know him just as Steve Rogers. Now I could stand up here and tell you about every battle he won, how valiantly he fought-but everyone else is going to do that. Hell, you can read about it in the exhibit." Y/N chuckles, blinking away the tears in her eyes as the crowd laughs.

Y/N finds Rhodey and Sam in the crowd, both of them giving her smiles of encouragement. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see the diamond on her wedding ring sparkling in the light. It's the first time she's worn it in a while, but it felt almost right to wear it. Once again, she's pretending like Steve didn't leave her. No, Y/N is ignoring that completely, almost blissfully. These people only know Steve as Captain America, as a god-damned American hero. She isn't going to tarnish that, won't ruin his legacy. And regardless of what Steve did to her, she is still in love with him and she wants to talk about the man she fell in love with, not the one that hurt her. Y/N inhales and exhales shakily before continuing.

"Steve was so much more than just Captain America. He was my best friend and my husband. He was the type of man to pick up flowers for you just because. The type of man to tell you that you looked really pretty even though you were covered in dirt and ash. He would let me go on and on about things that didn't even matter, but with the way he paid attention you would think that I was telling him the secrets of the world. Steve loved staying in and having movie marathons-he-he had a list he'd carry with him to write down things he needed to learn about. Before we dated, he would text me randomly, asking me why Jar Jar Binks is hated so much or asking me to explain what emojis are. He never quite got the hang gof the latter." A laugh comes out of Y/N's mouth, the crowd following suit. There was a smile on her face, a warmth spreading in her chest.

"He's the man I'll be in love with until the day I die, but then I'll fall in love all over again because I'll be able to see him again. Steve was the sweetest, kindest man I've ever met and while I will always wish we had more time together, I was lucky to have him as long as I did. We were all lucky to have him." Y/N pauses again, her throat constricting with emotion, "Even though he's gone, Steve lived a long life-a life longer than some of us get and I am happy that so many different facets of his life is going to be explored and shared with so many people. I hope you all enjoy the exhibit. Thank you."

The applause that followed was almost thunderous. Y/N smiled as her heart slammed against her ribcage, cameras flashing as she made her way off the stage. She was glad it was finally over as she moved to stand next to Rhodey and Sam. Sam kissed her cheek before he climbed up the stairs to the stage. Rhodey rubbed her back, telling her quietly that she did great. She just nodded in response, her eyes on her friend, watching as Sam leaned the shield against the plexiglass podium.

"Thank you Y/N for making my job a lot harder." Sam teases, causing everyone to chuckle. Y/N smiles right back at him, shaking her head as her friend carries on, "Steve represented the best in all of us. Courageous, righteous, hopeful. And he mastered poising stoically. "

Sam's a natural at this, standing up there like its nothing. And while Y/N should be focused on the speech, her eyes keep drifting down to the shield at his feet.

"The world has been forever changed. A few months ago, billions of people reappeared after five years away, sending the world into turmoil. We need new heroes. Ones suited for the times we're in. Symbols...are nothing without the women and men that give them meaning. And this thing," Sam chuckles, picking up the shield, "I don't know if there's ever been a greater symbol. But it's more about the man who propped it up and he's gone. So, today we honor Steve's legacy, but also, we look to the future. So thank you, Captain America. But this belongs to you."

Y/N feels sick to her stomach as she watches Sam hand the shield off. Her chest feels tight and she-she can't be here. There's a ringing on her ears and she can't breathe. Y/N pushes through the crowd, not bothering with pleasantries as she does it. A dozen emotions rack her body, causing her hands to start to heat up. She forces it down, deep down as she walks into an empty bathroom, locking the door behind her.

Sam gave away the shield.

He gave it away.

Like it was nothing.

And she wants to scream, wants to cry, but it won't come out. Y/N won't let it, not now when she is still in public. She walks over to the sinks, her hands gripping the counter. Her eyes are rimmed with red, eyes all watery. Her red painted lips press into a thin line as she forces herself to not cry, practically glaring at her reflection. What did her therapist tell her to do? Ah yes, breath in and out. In and out.

This was all too much way too soon. She couldn't handle this. She was being bombarded with memories and emotions already and now Sam giving the shield away? She felt like she was going to lose it. A part of her felt like she was overreacting. overthinking this whole situation. And maybe she was. Y/N did that from time to time. Tony had told her she was an expert of making mountains out of molehills. Maybe Sam just didn't want to be Captain America, didn't want to shoulder that burden. That was understandable. It was a shitty, shitty job-one that Sam didn't ask for. He shouldn't be forced to take on the mantle of Captain America, not when the previous owner had tossed it away so carelessly.

Yet, the bigger part of her was incredibly upset. Angry at the fact that Sam handed off the shield to be shelved in a museum. Overwhelmed by the amount of Steve that was everywhere. Confused over the multitudes of feeling that were swarming her body.

And there was nothing she could do about any of them. She just had to grin and bear it, just like she's been doing since Steve decided he much rather spend an entire lifetime with a woman he knew for a few months. So Y/N collected herself, blinked away her tears, and left the bathroom. Her feet had a mind of their own, carrying her towards the one place she didn't want to be.

The exhibit.

Steve's image is plastered on every single surface, telling the details of every part of his life. Scrawny Steve, bootcamp Steve, darling icon of patriotism during the war Steve, frozen Steve, Battle of Manhattan Steve, cartoon Steve punching Hitler, Steve during Sokovia, Steve on the run. Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve. He covers every single square inch, which makes sense because this is his exhibit. And while Y/N knows she should just turn on her heel and not put herself through it, she throws caution to the wall. She's already incredibly upset, so she might as well pour gallons and gallons of salt and lemon juice into that open wound.  So she forces herself deeper into the exhibit, running straight into the very last man she wants to see at this moment.

"You know I wasn't expecting to find you here." Sam tells her as soon as her foot enters the next room. She keeps her mouth shut, so he adds "Rhodey is looking for you."

"You know on his right sleeve of his suits, right near his wrist, he had my initials stitched. He told me he wanted to carry a piece of me into every mission, into every fight." Y/N announces as she looks at a picture of Steve on a mission, most likely taken by Natasha. Sam sighs, walking over to her, wanting her to see his point of view.

"Look I know you're upset-" He starts, but is immediately cut off by a dry chuckle slipping out of Y/N's mouth as she walks around the room. She wants to lay in to him, wants to give him a piece of her mind.

"Oh I am far past the point of being "just upset", Wilson. It wasn't yours to give away. I-I don't care if you didn't want the mantle, but..." Her angry words trail off once she realizes what part of the exhibit she has reached, her face dropping.

Y/N stops in front of a part of the exhibit labeled 'Two Heroes United'. Her eyes roam over the pictures of her and Steve's wedding and the pictures taken throughout the duration of their relationship, so much more than what the file Rhodey had left detailed. So many smiles, so much happiness filling each and every picture. Her facade is cracking, chipping away as she forces herself to study every picture, studying their faces over and over, trying to see if there was something she had missed, if-if there was something she could have said or done to hold onto him a little longer. If there was something hidden behind his smile, behind his touches, they don't reveal themselves in the photographs.

She's just a footnote in his life, a blurb at the end of a long story. A tool to make him look like an all-American family man. Bucky and Sam had much larger parts of the exhibit dedicated to their roles in Steve's life and who they are outside of being Steve's friends. Y/N-well Y/N gets this, a paragraph saying that she was on the team and then married Steve. She is just haphazardly tacked onto the story of his life, a cute story to make people feel all warm inside. He got his happily ever after, they'll say-or they'll whisper to one another God she was so lucky to have him. They won't ask if she got her happily ever after or if she feels lucky now.

Sam got to hand off the shield, got to throw away the title of Captain America. He gets to keep on living his life after this, but Y/N-Y/N will always be Steve's wife. And it doesn't matter how many people she saved or what she did with her time on earth, she will only be know for being the wife of the man who abandoned her. Y/N's tied to him for eternity, stuck loving a man who decided to love someone else.

And then, just like that, something inside of her just snaps. Her facade fully crumbles, leaving her unable to mask what she's going through.  Y/N's eyes fill up with tears and she's unable to blink them away before they spill over the edge, sending tears rolling down her cheeks. And as she stood there, crying in the middle of the exhibit dedicated to Steven Grant Rogers, a depressing epiphany popped into her mind.

The shield was the last part of Steve that she had that wasn't tainted in some way, a piece of him that she could still bear to see. And Sam had just given it away, leaving her with nothing but memories that would haunt her.

-

"I watched your speech. You did really good, Y/N." Her therapist praises, giving her a soft smile. Y/N nods, twisting her wedding ring on her finger. She had decided to start wearing it again, even though her feelings about Steve were still conflicted. While a part of her thought that this meant she was healing, Y/N knew it was more likely tied to the fact that Sam had given up the shield.

"It-It felt good." Y/N replies, shifting in her seat. She had thought it was a subtle movement, but Dr. Raynor gave her a look. After a few months of court-ordered appointments, the therapist knew Y/N all too well and she sure as hell knew when Y/N wasn't telling the truth.

"Something is upsetting you. What happened?" The doctor questions, clicking her pen. Y/N dreaded the noise. It meant a longer session, more bandaids being ripped off in order to force the wounds into the light. It would mean she would return to her home a little colder, a little emptier.

"Nothing happened. It-I had a good day. A good week." Y/N tries to reassure her, even going as far as to give her what she thought was a honest smile. Dr. Raynor held up her pad of paper, making a show of slowly bring the pen down to the paper. Y/N's smile falls and she looks down at her hands, letting out a small sigh.

"He-Sam gave away the shield. He gave it away like it was nothing." The ex-hero announces, feeling like a scolded child. Raynor lowers her pen and paper, settling back into her seat.

"And you feel like he shouldn't have?"

"No. No, Steve-Steve chose him. Steve gave him the shield because he knew that Sam was good, that Sam could handle it. And-And Sam just gave it away." Y/N stammers, picking at a thread that was hanging off her shirt.

"You know, I think that is the first time you have said his name aloud." Raynor mentions, causing Y/N to stop her movements. The thread is caught between her fingers, pulled taut. The doctor continues, "You always refer to Steve as 'he' or 'him' or 'my husband'. You never say his name."

"I don't think I was ready to be around...Steve. Not that much." Y/N tries to shift the focus, shame filling her, her face feeling hot. She knows she has her reasons not to say his name, but she still felt terrible about not being able to say his name.

"But you still spoke at the opening of his exhibit. I'm sure everyone would more than understand why you couldn't. So why did you decide on speaking?" The therapist asks, taking down a couple notes of her pad of paper. Y/N stays silent for a moment, letting go of the thread to start twisting her ring again.

"I-I don't know. Rhodey asked me and I-I guess I thought I could do it. And the speech wasn't bad I just-I wasn't expecting Sam to give away the shield." Y/N responds, her voice soft. She feels so small, sitting here on this charcoal grey couch. Y/N almost felt...stupid for being so angry at Sam. It wasn't his fault at all and as Y/N said everything out loud, she felt like such an asshole.

"If you would've known that Sam wanted to give the shield away, would you have stopped him?" Dr. Raynor replies, leaning forward slightly as she takes a few notes. Y/N feels herself sinking into the couch.

"I don't know. I-I wish he would have just told me so that we could've talked about it." She answers, looking out of the window. Dark grey clouds filled the sky, blocking out a lot of the sunlight that wanted to shine down on the city. Y/N didn't know if she would have actually forced him to keep the shield. That wasn't on him to have hold on to hat chunk of vibranium. It was wrong for Steve to have thrown that all on Sam. What would be the alternative? For her to keep the shield? Y/N highly doubted that the United States government would allow that.

-

Y/N was watering her garden when her phone started to ring in her back pocket. She quickly moves to shut off the water hose before she slips the phone about her pocket. Sam's name and picture appears on her screen, making uneasiness fill her stomach. Y/N exhales through her noise loudly before answering it, holding the phone against her ears.

"Have you seen the news?" Sam asks, not even letting her get a single syllable out.

"No, I've been outside-What's going on, Sam?" Y/N questions, making her way to the house. Something was definitely wrong. Sam never called her unless it was for emergencies. if they did communicate, it was mainly through texting. Her heartbeat started to race, as did her thoughts. A million different scenarios filled her head, each one worse than the last.

"You need to turn on the news right now." Sam replies as she opens the back door, quickly crossing the kitchen and walking into the living room. Her hands are almost shaking as she picks up the remote, turning the television on. Luckily for her, the last thing she had been watching was the news. Unluckily for her, she was greeted with a man holding the shield-Steve's shield, dressed in what looked like an off-brand, shitty version of the Captain America suit.

Anger filled her body. It had been four days tops since Sam handled off the shield and already, they had found their 'new Captain America'. The man in question was smiling smugly in the ill-fitting suit, waving at the camera, holding onto his shield tightly. God, Y/N wanted to beat the shit of the man and every single person who had okayed this. She could only hear bits and pieces of the speech as the news replayed it, but even that bullshit was too much for her to handle. She muted the television, tossing the remote on the couch.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?" Y/N exclaims, her hands getting warm. The Avenger was unable to get to anything articulate as rage filled her. She quickly put the phone on speaker, setting the device down just in case her hands caught flame.

"I know. I know. It's fucking bullshit." Sam replies, sighing. Y/N paced in front of the television, trying to calm herself down before she burned a hole through her rug. On the screen, the fake Cap was talking about something, a saccharine smile spread across his face. Y/N wanted to take that God damn shield and smash his teeth in.

"That asshole has my husband's fucking shield. They-He isn't supposed to be Captain America, okay? It's just not-It's not theirs to give away." Y/N's voice cracks towards the end, tears filling her eyes. While she wasn't Steve's number one fan, she hated that they had already chose someone to take up his title. If Sam wasn't going to be Captain America, then no one should be Captain America.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I wouldn't have given away the shield if I would've known...I'm sorry." Sam murmurs over the phone. Y/N covers her face with her almost glowing hands as she tries to control her breathing, not able to respond to Sam’s apologies. Her sadness and anger quickly shifted into something else. 

Something inside of her switched on, something that she hadn't felt in a long time, not since she was a hero, back when she was an Avenger.

Y/N wanted to go to work.

------

Not A Team taglist (if you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know!)

@lady-elena-adeline​ @simonedk​ @hersilencedscreams​ @rqmanoff​

#steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers #chris evans x reader #bucky barnes x reader #sam wilson #sam wilson x reader #tfatws #tfatws spoilers

[gaemkyuu]

Of Kings & Queens (Part One)

Warnings: none!  A/N: Here’s the first part! This is mostly context to the story, with a sneak peak of Prince Charlie! I’ll upload a little more tomorrow! AU!Prince Charlie Gillespie x Fictional Character Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece! In no way do I claim characters in this piece act this way in real life.

Masterlist *now taking requests ;)

Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4/Part 5/Part 6

Four Kingdoms stood strong.  North, East, South and West.  Four Royal Families would unite the land. The Blood of Gillespie would rule the cold North, bountiful with forestry and game. The Blood of Shada would rule the Eastern coast and land, mastering the stormy seas and its’ treasures. The Blood of Joyners would rule the hot Southern lands, gathering the resources for petrol that kept the Kingdoms running. The Blood of Lee would rule the golden coast of the Western lands, providing crops and livestock to feed the people. In each Kingdom, a Ruler to bring prosperity and peace to all its’ people.

Dawn was breaking and people were already moving busily about the Western Kingdom. As more people woke, the excitement in the air increased, for today was a special day. Festivities would start early in the day and go late into the night as the Western Kingdom celebrated the coming of age the Princess. Not only was it the Princess’ birthday, it also signified that the Princess was now officially on the Royal Market, searching for a partner to become King of the Western Kingdom. Tonight’s celebration at the castle would bring people from all over the nation, including the royal families from the Eastern, Southern, and Northern kingdoms. Farmers harvested and packed their crops and livestock, Bakers made fresh delights by the dozens, Florists put out their best and brightest flowers and the Merchants polished their wares. This special occasion would bring people from all over the Four Kingdoms to their stores in celebration and vacation. All the work that was being put into the celebration brought the citizens together and united them on this special day. 

Well... At least the citizens were excited...

The Princess was awoken by her best friend and handmaiden, much to her displeasure. She groaned and pulled the covers over her head as the curtains in her room were parted, trying to ignore the hustle and bustle going around her. She knew what day it was, and this made her want to stay in bed for much longer. She even debated not getting up at all. As her handmaiden made herself busy and gave directions to other servants that had entered her room, the princess pulled a pillow over her head, trying to make it clear that she had no intention of getting up. With a heavy sigh, her confidant gave the other servants orders and ushered them out before shutting the door softly behind them.

“Liv. I love you and you know how I feel about today, but I would really appreciate it if you would cooperate so we don’t have the queen on our butts this early” the princess groaned and her best friend pulled the covers off her body. She flinched at the bright sunlight streaming into her room.

“I’m not getting up today Sav. It’s not happening” Savannah shook her head and rolled her eyes at her friend. She knew that Olivia could be quite the drama queen, but today she needed her to cooperate so that she wouldn’t fall behind schedule. Savannah glanced at the clock, already knowing that the extra 15 minutes she allotted was now gone. 

“Liv, unless you want to bathe in a cold bath, you will get up or so help me I will dump ice water on you myself!” Olivia groaned and finally sat up looking at her best friend with disdain. “Listen, I know you don’t want to do Today. I get it. But you don’t need another reason to get on the nerves of the King and Queen today” Savannah’s voice sounded slightly distressed and Olivia felt a little guilty at her dramatization this morning.

Olivia and Savannah were best friends ever since she could remember. Savannah was the only friend she had growing up in the palace and was the only friend her parents let her have that wasn’t Royalty. Sure, there were the Duchesses and Countesses of the smaller lands in the Western Kingdom, but Olivia always found them snooty or rude. Savannah’s family had been helping the royal family for generations and they were integral parts of the inner workings of the palace. Naturally, when Savannah’s parents were busy at work Savannah would wander the halls until she found Olivia. The two were like sisters and the King and Queen appreciated the hard work her family put in to serving the Royal family. 

And while the Royal family paid them handsomely while providing them lodging, Olivia couldn’t help but feel a little guilty at times when the difference in their status showed. Olivia rarely wore the same dress twice, while Savannah had a very modest and small wardrobe. Olivia had a private instructor, while Savannah went to the school with other children. But Savannah never really cared and that’s what Olivia loved about her. She was a true and honest friend who Olivia felt safe confiding in.

“Sorry Sav. I didn’t mean to make this any harder on you than it already has been” Olivia offered her friend a smile, patting the spot beside her on the bed. “Think you can spend a few minutes off your feet? Debrief me on the day if you will?” Savannah greatly accepted the spot, giving her a knowing look and a big sigh.

“Well Princess-” Olivia glared at Savannah at the title. “You need to get into the baths and get clean so I can do your hair and make up before the lady the Queen hired arrives. There is no way I’m letting you face the neighbouring nations’ heirs with makeup and hair that I don’t approve of.” Olivia laughed at Savannah’s possessiveness.

“Do we know if the royal families are coming or just their heirs?” Olivia gave a stretch, preparing herself to start the day.

“To my knowledge, just the heirs... But I hear that Prince Charles is quite handsome!” Olivia rolled her eyes as Savannah winked at her. “What? I can’t help it! You hear the chitter chatter in the palace halls. They arrived yesterday and some of the other servants have already been gushing about him. He’s apparently really charming and great husband material” Savannah saw the look of defeat briefly cross her friend’s eyes, before covering it up with an annoyed sigh. “But enough of that. Let’s get you cleaned and dressed and ready to greet our guests.”

***

“Alright Liv, take a deep breath and hold it, I’m pulling up the zipper!” Olivia did as she was told, while Savannah pulled up the zipper to her dress. She was already dreading the fact that she would have to wear the elaborate garb for several hours. Although the light blue gown was absolutely stunning and represented her fashion sense too, she didn’t expect it to come in several pieces. After putting on two layers of skirt, she had a separate top that needed to be zipped up and a cape draped over her shoulders. She could already feel the weight of the material weighing her down a bit and she sighed at the fact that they hadn’t put on her jewelry yet. Savannah and her helpers busied themselves about putting on a bracelet here and a necklace there. Another girl was putting on her earrings while the other made small hems to her dress. Olivia felt like the dolls that her and Savannah played with as little girls.

“Voila! I’ve outdone myself!” Savannah exclaimed, admiring her bestfriend’s transformation, stepping away from her so that she could see herself in the mirror. As much as Olivia didn’t want to like this moment, she couldn’t stop the smile that graced her face. Her best friend had listened to her every request about her dress. Her mother insisted that her first dress be floor length, modest and a Queen Ann neckline. She requested that the dress be midnight blue with the lace accents to be gold. Her mother criticized her colour choice, saying that dark colours were for the evening, not the morning. Olivia argued that if she had no say in the dress at all, she would go naked, a response in which her mother glared angrily at her. However, as she looked at herself in the mirror, she realized that Savannah had taken her mother’s requests and her requests and blended them together. She had a high waisted, A-line skirt that held the princess look her mother wanted, but it wasn’t so big that Olivia felt like a pastry. The Queen Ann neckline was a dark blue mesh with gold lace accents that extended into long sleeves for her arms. Her bodice held very little decoration as the bottom of her dress held all the royal ornate details. The velvet floor length cape was held together by a golden broach.

As per tradition, Olivia wore her family jewels. The gold diamond festoon necklace sat proudly upon her collar and the gold and sapphire earrings were prominent but not over done. A small dainty gold bracelet sat on her wrist and her family ring decorated her right hand. Her hair was neatly pulled back into a loosened braided low bun with the occasional curl framing her face.

“You’ve done a fine job Savannah” the girls jumped at the voice of the Queen. Quickly turning around, Savannah curtsied to her majesty and Olivia followed with a smaller curtsy. “Savannah, could you please grab the tiara out of the case?”

“Yes, your majesty” Savannah hurried over to the velvet case on the vanity and presented it to the Queen. The small but simple gold tiara sparkled in the light of the room. As the Queen gently picked the tiara up, Olivia bowed, lowering her head, a gesture she was all too familiar with. Her mother placed her tiara upon her head and held her face in her hands. She kissed her daughter on the head, careful not to get any lipstick on her.

“The gods have been great to bless me with a daughter as beautiful as you.” Olivia smiled at her mom, not expecting the sudden emotional tenderness she displayed. “Happy Birthday my dearest. Promise me you’ll try to behave yourself today?” Olivia scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“I’ll try” her mother chuckled softly.

“Just like your father... All I ask is that you give today a chance to be great. You might be surprised at the unexpected events that may present themselves to you” Olivia could never see herself being as polished as her mother. She knew her mother had her best interest at heart, but Olivia couldn’t help but feel like her mother was forcing her to fit into traditional roles of the Kingdom. “If you’ll excuse me, I must be on my way to the throne room. I shall see you shortly Olivia. Savannah, please ensure that the Princess does not stall. I would hate to have her tardy for her grand entrance.”

“Yes your highness!” Savannah curtsied as her mother and the remaining servants exited, leaving the two of them in the room. “Ready to go my lady?”

“Savannah, you know you can drop the formalities around me.” Olivia stepped off the round fitting platform, Savannah catching her arm as Olivia stumbled for a moment, not used to wearing heels. “It makes me feel weird!”

“I know, but we are going to be around tons of people today and most of them would probably have my head if I called you by name in front of them. I’ll be at your side the entire time, but when others are around, you have to remember I’m your attendant” Olivia sighed in slight disappointment, but she knew her friend was right.

“How is it that you’re not the Princess and I am? You’d be way better at this than I am” Savannah giggled at her remarks and dusted her dress off before they opened the door. They knew that her royal guards were right behind it and that as soon as they exited the room, their dynamic had to change.

“Please, I can’t hide my feelings as easily as you. When I think someone is an idiot, it’s clear all over my face and I don’t even notice it!” they shared a laugh as they opened the door and officially started the day. 

But they didn’t expect to see a brown haired man zoom by them in hysterical laughter as a taller blonde man chased after him. 

“Charlie! Get back here with my crown!” and the two disappeared around the corner. Olivia blinked in shocked, trying to process whether the scene in front of her happened or not. As her and Savannah shared a look and shrugged their shoulders, they realized that today was going to indeed be very eventful.

tag list:  @ifilwtmfc

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie imagines #owen joyner #jeremy shada

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

What if (Construction worker/ high school sweetheart AU)

Summary: Life leads Y/N and Grayson in different directions after high school and they meet years later, rehashing the past. But life has its own plans for old lovers who just wanted one another.

Warnings: angst, fluff, death

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N - This was in my drafts for a long time, so if you guys like it and want more, let me know.

*           ***               *              ***               *

Two hearts, one valve, pumpin' the blood, we were the flood, we were the body. Two lives, one life, stickin' it out, lettin' you down and makin' it right.

Seasons, they will change, life will make you grow, dreams will make you cry because everything is temporary, everything will slide, our love will never die.

I know that birds fly in different directions, but I hope to see you again.

Sunsets, sunrises, livin' the dream, watchin' the leaves, changin' the seasons. Some nights I think of you, relivin' the past, wishing it'd last, wishing and dreaming.

Imagine Dragons - Birds

*           ***               *              ***               *

There are few big moments that make a person. Moments that bear the weight of a thousand suns that claim pieces of your soul. Some are love, a goodbye or a tragedy. For me, it was all three, all at the same time.

I left New Jersey six years ago soon after a tragedy claimed the lives of both my parents. I was only seventeen at the time, still a stupid teenager with a conviction everything my parents say is useless and only there as punishment. We were on our way home from my grandparents, arguing about a party I wanted to attend when a car swerved into our lane and dad had no chance of avoiding it.

I remember every detail of the crash, every single moment in slow motion, including the moment I realized I would be an orphan before darkness took me too.

After that, my life changed irrevocably. The only comfort I had was my high school sweetheart, Grayson Dolan and his big bear hugs I melted into.

We meet very few people who can shake up your world and still keep you steady. Grayson Dolan was all that and more. My heart always felt comfortable and safe in his hands. I believe we all encounter three different loves in our lives – your soulmate, the love of your life and eventually the one you settle for. Some people get to meet only one, some two, while others meet all three.

I don’t know which one of these is Grayson, after all, our story had an abrupt ending.

The funeral came and went. My grandparents moved to our house to take care of me, but I felt suffocated. Every inch of that house represented them and it haunted me. Survival guilt ruined me. The guilt was like gasoline in my guts. My insides died slowly in the toxicity, needing no more than a spark to set it ablaze. The fire burnt me out so badly there was nothing left but a shell, an outline of a person. Staying in New Jersey would have killed me, I just knew it.

The moment I turned eighteen, I set off to a new beginning.

I begged him to come with me. He begged me to stay. Things were said and that night I had to say goodbye to the only person that anchored me.

Alas, I said goodbye to Grayson Dolan too.

So here I am, six years later in the big city with my very own company. I never self-medicated with alcohol or drugs, rather worked harder to reach my goals. More work you put in, less time you have to think about what hurts you.

And this distance hurt me. Leaving Grayson destroyed me.

I never stopped thinking about what I left behind, about what could have been. But I learned to live with my choices. I had to.

Some people are meant to leave a mark in your life, but they don’t have to stay. No one ever does. People always leave, some willingly and some are forced to, but the end result is the same – you can only ever count on yourself.

"Your meeting at 2 is pushed back. Now you have the time to meet with the construction team that's gonna stand in for Fred." Lily, my assistant informed and I nod, sipping on my tea before rushing out the door. My company deals with architecture, building and interior designing and my usual construction crew bailed in the last minute, forcing me to look for another.

"You also have to meet the new architect. It took me two weeks to find him and we will not cancel!" Lily ordered, making me giggle. “I mean it. He comes highly recommended and his work so far matches your vision so perfectly.”

"I'll do it. Just point me in the right direction." Hands raised in mock surrender, I follow her index finger to the conference room and I nearly gasp at the beautiful man waiting inside.

With my head held high and back straight, I walk into the room, ready to meet this exquisite specimen.

"Sorry for the wait." I start with an apology, immediately offering a hand to shake which he gladly accepts.

"I'm Y/N Y/L/N, the owner and acting CEO of this company." I finish the introduction, noticing the man's smile growing which only accentuates his naturally handsome features.

"Pleasure is all mine." Bowing his head, angling my hand up ever so slightly, he presses his lips to the back of it like a proper gentleman. It’s almost impossible not to swoon over the gesture or the British accent I noted immediately when he spoke.

"Although, I must say I'm disappointed you do not remember me." He feigns hurt, letting my hand go slowly, reluctantly.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, wetting my lips and take a second look at the man. “Pardon?”

His dark blonde hair is perfectly curly, long enough for them to form but not to fall to his forehead as it would make it seem unkempt. His large, deep-set blue eyes bore into mine almost as if he’s looking for something he cared for dearly but lost along the way. A spark hiding behind his heavy look reminds me of a flame I once lost myself. The color is different, but the emotion remains the same.

His lips are set in a confident smirk, aware of my hungry, shameless gaze. His lips are rosy instead of pink, small instead of plush. His cheekbones are set high and defined, just as is his sharp jawline that could cut glass like a diamond.

He's tall. Much taller than I am. The broad shoulders give enough definition to his muscles so one can easily conclude he works out, but doesn't kill himself in the gym.

He is the epitome of beauty. Perfection. I can't deny that.

"I'm sorry. I don't believe we've met." I apologize again, wanting to keep this man around. For business purposes.

"It's Troy Lahey. We met when I was just an assistant. I suppose I didn't leave a lasting impression." Quirking an eyebrow, Troy brushes the awkwardness away as he helps me take my seat like a gentleman would.

Grayson used to do that for me as well. Opening the door, taking out the chair, even carrying my bag no matter how pink or flowery it is. A rare quality in men these days. Even after all these years, I compare everyone to Grayson. It’s involuntary, almost like a compulsive need.

"I'll make sure I remember you now." I muss, steering the conversation business wise. It didn't take long for us to reach an agreement as he is an agreeable man, very open minded and open to adventure.

"Have you ever hear about Rosie's?" He stops to ask just as I stand to take my leave. I turn around with lips part, possibly some worry passing my features. No matter how hard I’ve worked on my poker face, I still can’t hide my surprise. I can’t remember the last time a man as attractive like him paid any attention to me. More likely, I can’t remember the last time I paid any attention to a man, any man.

"Please don't tell me they're closing. It's my favorite restaurant." I frown, seeing his face light up as he stands as well.

"Nothing like that. I was just wondering if I could buy you dinner this Friday. Or any day you please?" He proposes and I nearly choke on my saliva. He's handsome. He's intelligent. He's everything I searched for and everything I avoided to find.

My heart is still bleeding. My heart still needs time. Six years isn't enough. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.

"Since we've just agreed to work together on a project, I cannot in good conscience agree to that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to get to." I say politely, noting his smile grow as if he took my rejection as a challenge and although I'm sure it bruised his ego, he won't just stop. He knows I like him and he seems like a man who fights for what he wants.

"I'm a determined man and I think you know that."

"Arrogant." I challenge, fueling the fire.

"Mhmm...I'd say confident." His charming accent can stop a women's heart and while I'd usually find the persistence annoying, he doesn't annoy me. If anything, he amuses me.

But I walk out the door regardless, waving over my shoulder.

Rushing halfway across town, I manage to get to my second meeting just in time. Still in a frenzy, I walk into the meeting only to find someone I never thought I'd see again.

Dropping my files, I feel my legs wobble as I stumble forward and lose footing.

Strong arms wrap around me, catching me in the nick of time and I open my eyes to find myself in a warm embrace of my first love.

"Grayson?" I breathe out his name, my hand instinctively cupping his cheek like I did all those years ago.

"It's really you." He says slowly, his eyes taking me in like I'm a mirage. His earthly hues glaze over with tears as I swallow my own.

Six years of distance between us. Six years of silence, of thinking what he must be doing and how he’s doing. Six years of picking up the phone to call him just to hear his voice. Six years and now he's here with me, holding me tightly like his life depends on it.

"Hi." I smile, feeling him slowly steady my body, but on the inside I'm fireworks and tsunamis, hurricanes catching on fire.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, not meaning to be rude, just curious. Leaning back on the desk as his hold relents, I interlock my fingers to stop my hands from shaking.

Grayson rubs the back of his neck nervously as he always did, shyly looking to his feet first before allowing himself to truly look at me.

He's scanning my body, looking for something that remained the same, something to cling to. I find myself doing the same.

His hair is no longer floppy nor falling in his eyes, making it seem darker, cropped almost. His eyebrows are a little less bushy and I can't help but wonder if he has someone plucking the extra hair like I used to do whenever I managed to overpower him long enough or bribe him with a tasty treat...or myself. His lips are the same plushy pink, perfectly smooth and kissable.

Instead of smooth skin, he bears a stubble, adding age onto his once young looks. His eyes remain the same, the understanding, and kind, gentle soul shining through and he still has the wing shaped earring I bought him. It was a gift for our first month anniversary where I promised I'd be his angel, one to keep him safe as long as the earring remains in its place.

Holding my breath at that realization, I swallow thickly, allowing the need for tears to wither away.

He's grown wider, there are more muscles and definitely more tattoos. I wonder if he had our matching tattoo removed.

“It’s going to be fine.” Grayson speaks slowly, his hands clutching mine as a grin replaces his smirk. “I’ll hold your hand and everything.”

Rolling my eyes at him, I raise an eyebrow. “My parents will kill me. This isn’t even legal, Gray.” Biting my lower lip, I cast my gaze down to his thigh and the unmistakable ink etched into his skin.

“I won’t force you, but I really think it would be cute, ya know? Couple goals and all that? Imagine telling this story to our kids!” The excitement in his eyes is overpowering, entirely enchanting and I’m not sure if he’s even aware of the effect he has on people. His smile, his happiness is positively infectious. He’s incredibly charismatic and charming, turning heads without even trying.

Sighing, I nod. “As long as I get a kiss every time it hurts.”

Pecking my lips, Grayson nods too. “You have yourself a deal, my angel.”

I look at him and still see my Grayson, just a little bigger and stronger, teensy bit older but incredibly beautiful.

Does he still see me as me? Have I changed? Does he find me attractive now? Did I ever even cross his mind?

"I, uh...I was just supposed to deliver some papers. I didn't know I was delivering them to you." He puts his hands on his hips, licking his lips. His gaze wanders, scared to make eye contact.

"Construction crew?" I inquire, unsure what to do when all I want is for him to hold me like we're teenagers again and tell me all he's done or seen since we parted.

"Yeah. Ethan and I started our own little business. This was actually his idea." Grayson frowns, suspecting Ethan had organized this meeting behind his back, but I don't think so. I would have known, would I not?

"It’s really good to see you." He focuses on me once more and my heart jumps. "I missed you." He adds and I know it's over for me. All my what ifs are standing before me, incorporated into one man I had never stopped loving and no matter how hard I fight it, I want to be around him longer.

"And I you. Is it possible for you to stay? Have dinner with me while you're here?" I offer courageously, terrified he might say no.

"I'd love that!" He claps his hands together, a wide smile taking over his face and I see his eyes light up.

Smiling too, I let my heart guide me for the night. If nothing else, I should at the very least have the courage to spend a few more hours with him. After all this time, it will either offer us a second chance or give me closure.

“I have a car waiting for me, it can take us to Rosie’s.” Without thinking, I take his hand only to pause, questioning if it’s alright.

In my moment of doubt, Grayson interlocks our fingers and I let out a relieved sigh. “Rosie’s? Is it your favorite restaurant?”

Giggling, I nod. “Yeah. I always have my faves, but you knew that already.”

Once outside, Grayson steps before me, releasing my hand and just as I’m about to protest, I find he did it so he’d open the car door for me. Fighting the urge to smile, I pray my cheeks aren’t blushing at the gesture, but my eyes are flooded with emotions regardless.

“Are you okay?” Grayson’s hand rests on my hip and I hold my breath, nodding vehemently.

“Yeah, the wind is cold.” I point at my eyes, forcing a smile. “Cold winds are ruthless to my eyes.” Sniffling, I sit inside and send Lily a quick text to get me a seat at Rosie’s. Leaving my phone aside, I tuck my shaky hands under my thighs.

“It’s been so long since I came to New York. I didn’t even know you’re here now.” Grayson moves a little closer, his hand nearly brushing my thigh and I couldn’t help but glance at it every so often.

“I moved back last year. Los Angeles was beautiful and I loved the climate, but New York…It’s the closest to home.” Licking my lips, I shrug. “I guess I needed a change of scenery.”

“Miss, Lily wanted you to know Rosie’s closed for the day, but she made a reservation down in that new restaurant she mentioned. She said you’d know which.” The driver explains and I nod, grateful for the interruption. The last thing I need now is to overwhelm Grayson with all the reasons why I wanted to be in New York.

“That’s fine. Take us there.” Glancing at Grayson, I swallow thickly. His eyes never left me. Though I could sense he wanted to ask me something more, something that would likely bring up the past, Grayson remains quiet for the next few minutes. Luckily the restaurant isn’t far.

“Wait up.” Grayson runs out, circling the car before opening the door, offering his hand.

Reluctant, I look up only to meet his gaze. He’s uneasy, just as I am. So, I place my hand in his and let him help me out.

Sitting, ordering, it all happened so quickly, clouded with awkward silence neither of us could break. But he does. After all, he was always the outgoing one, speaking his mind with no restrain.

“Why didn’t you come back?” The uncertainty in his voice grips me as does my guilt, my heart sinking. “I always thought you’d come back after you finished college and I…I really thought you’d come back to me.”

Rubbing my forehead, I break eye contact. He’s pulling on my heartstrings, each of them breaking as he insists on answers I can’t be sure of.

“I can’t go home. I can’t be there. I don’t feel sane in New Jersey. It’s too much.” I sigh, hating the tears rimming my eyes. “I always thought you’d come after me”, I chuckle with a slight shake of my head. “Every day, for years, I expected you to show up on my doorstep and tell me you never meant to let me go.”

“I’m here now.” Reaching out, Grayson places his hand upon mine and I tense up. I don’t know why.

“But you’ll be gone by tomorrow. You said you’d never leave New Jersey. You said that and I hoped you’d change your mind, but you didn’t.” Cocking my head to the right, I glance at his quivering bottom lip. “Did you?”

“No.” Grayson draws a deep breath before leaning back, taking his hand with him. “I didn’t. I didn’t even know you’d want me to after that night.”

“I can’t breathe here! Everywhere I look, I see them! How can you not understand that?!” My voice is raw from all the shouting, the argument seemingly never-ending.

“Why can’t you stay for me? Am I not important enough? You know my family is here! My twin, my mother and father! My whole damn family, it’s not my fault”, I interject, stopping his thought.

“That I don’t have a family anymore? Is that it? You’re really going that route?” I croak, shaking my head. Running my hands through my hair, I turn away from him.

“You know that’s now what I meant.” Grayson sighs loudly, annoyed. “You’re making me out to be a monster because you need a reason to leave and not look back, but I’m not going to make it easy on you. I won’t.” He steps closer, his presence undeniable. “I will not be a punching bag for you. I love you. I want to marry you some day. I want to have kids with you. But I don’t want to leave my life here. I don’t want to follow you across the country just for you to look at me the way you just did.” Exhaling, his hand rests on my shoulder and I step away, needing my space.

“I’m not pushing you away.” I turn back, wrapping my arms around me. I feel cold, not on the outside but the inside of my body. I’m freezing and I’m burning, just the air here is toxic and I can’t live here. I can’t spend my whole life constantly being reminded of the worst thing that ever happened to me. If I stay, I’ll be trapped in misery.

“It sure as hell feels like it.” Grayson spat and I understand. I understand he doesn’t know how to handle this, because we never had to deal with this before. It’s new and strange and scary and it changed me in ways we can’t still fully smooth over.

“I’m not pushing you away, I’m holding on for dear life!” I choke up, shaking my head as I struggle to inhale. The pressure in my chest is crushing my heart and lungs and I can’t breathe, I can’t think. It’s too much. “I’m asking you to come with me. I’m begging you to, but you won’t.” Wiping my tears I step away from him once again as I notice him reach for me. “You’re giving up on us. You. Not me.”

I walked away that night, left New Jersey the next day as planned.

“Of course I wanted you.” A small smile appears on my lips as I notice his eyes are swimming in unshed tears as well. “I’ve always wanted you.” I add, letting out a heavy sigh. “But I couldn’t stay there. It would have killed me.”

“I could have helped you. I could have been there for you.” Grayson insists, his tone sharp and yet it’s laced with regret.

Does he wish he went with me?

“No one could have helped me back then. The only cure was to leave and I did it to protect my sanity.”

“I could have tried.” Slamming his fist on the table, Grayson stood abruptly, walking toward the exit.

Putting a hundred on the table, I rush after him, my purse in hand. “Wait!” I shout after him, catching him on the street as he tried to hail a cab. “Grayson.” I breathe out, taking his hand in mine.

“Go back to your perfect life, Y/N.” He remarks, hurt written in every line of his tearstained face. He’s crying. Is that why he left?

“It’s not perfect,” I croak. “Not nearly as perfect as it could have been.”  

Cupping my left cheek, Grayson’s thumb runs from the corner of my lips to my cheek and back, drawing a gentle smile on my behalf. Leaning down, his forehead rests upon mine, his nose brushing against the tip of mine. His warm breath is tickling my skin, my lips parting and eyes closing in anticipation of his.

“I really want to kiss you right now.” He whispers and I open my eyes. His brown hues are closed, his lips are quivering. Tears are still running down his cheeks.

Letting go of his hand, I cup his face too, breathing heavily. “So kiss me.”

He licks his lips, hesitantly brushing my cold ones. We have feelings that are not visible, we do things to prevent ourselves from being miserable. Being honest is all we have left. Our need to have a taste of the comfort the other one offers is undeniable.

Grayson is the first to end the wait. He kissed me and the world fell away. It’s slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rests below my ear, his thumb caressing my left cheek as our breaths mingle. Running my fingers down his back, I pull him closer until there is no space left between us and I could feel the beating of his heart against my chest.

It’s perfect. It’s mind-blowing and sensual, forming worlds where we weren’t torn apart six years ago, where we could have made it. There’s no tears in those worlds, no aching desire and longing for one last look.

I never want it to end. But it does. It has to. Everything ends eventually. For us, the end began with a phone ringing.

“Fuck.” He grunts under his breath, looking at me with newfound uncertainty as he picks up his phone, taking a few steps away for privacy.

Wordless, I stand to the side, breathless even now. All I thought I lost before is right before me and it feels like a dream. I’ve been in pieces and with a single kiss, Grayson made me feel whole.

“I, uh, I’m so sorry.” Grayson mumbles, typing something on his phone. “I really have to go. It was really great seeing you again.” He manages a smile as he hails a cab, successfully so.

“Oh.” It’s all I can say, feeling dejected by the sudden change in atmosphere. A part of me expected for him to come home with me, for us to take tomorrow off and stay in bed, talking and making love. I wanted more time. Is it wrong I hoped we’d get back together too?

“I’ll tell Ethan you said hi.” He adds before pecking my cheek. In a moment, he was gone once more.

I couldn’t sleep that night. The moments we spent together kept replaying in my head over and over again and I tried to figure out where I went wrong. Did I do something to make him leave?

Dragging myself out of bed, I arrive at work looking like a hot mess.

“You look like a hot mess.” Lily reminds me and I groan, ignoring her as I enter my office.

“Oh, good morning.” Troy’s chipper tone makes me flinch and I stop, wide-eyed as I realize he’s standing in my office, a cup of coffee in hand and a dazzling smile to go with it.

“I didn’t realize we have a meeting.” I admit, looking around to make sure I didn’t walk into someone else’s office.

“We don’t, but I like to be proactive. I’ve made the initial sketches and left them on your desk.” With a smile as bright as the sun, he passes by me only to stop right next to me. “You look beautiful.”

Glancing his way, all I catch is his back as he leaves me alone in the room. Just me, the coffee he bought me, a stack of papers and…a bouquet?

Wild flowers bring some color to my rather old-fashioned office, breathing some life into the room. I smile, stepping closer only to find a single rose in the center of the bouquet as well as a note. It’s typed, not handwritten and there’s no signature.

“Lily?” I call out for her while opening the note with a hint of a smile adorning my lips.

She appreciated the beauty of a rose, the symbolism. But she never liked roses. No. Her love was always reserved for lilacs, violets and other wild flowers that painted the very essence of her soul.

“Yes?” Lily enters and I turn to her with a wide smile.

“Who sent this?” Was it Grayson? Did he want to tell me something? The words are so beautiful, and just right. I’ve never liked to receive roses, but wild flowers made my heart go crazy. Who else could know this but him?

“I don’t know. I didn’t see them delivered.” Lily frowns, stepping closer. “Must have been delivered when I was in the bathroom or something.” She shrugs, still a little troubled.

“Oh.” I furrow my eyebrows, biting my lower lip.

“Why, what does the note say?” Lily narrows her eyes as I smile. “What’s that smile for?”

“Lily, book me a ticked.” I decide right then and there. My what if’s will no longer dictate my future. Whether these came from Grayson or not, I have to see him again. “I’m going home.”

*           ***               *              ***               *

A/N - If you’ve made it this far, let me know if you like it and want more. It’s an old draft I polished a little which is why it’s written in the reader’s POV, something I haven’t done in quite some time.

#grayson dolan #grayson dolan x reader #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan angst #grayson dolan fluff #grayson dolan fanfic #grayson dolan fic #grayson dolan fanfiction #dolan twins

[bruh-haikyuu]

A/N: i am once again combining requests 😔👊 here’s that childhood friends au i’ve been dying to write, enjoy!!

lucida. | akaashi keiji

word count: 3307

warnings: none, just fluff for those bygone days

(n.) the brightest star in a constellation

It had been the night of a full moon the day you’d moved into the apartment building across Akaashi’s.

You were the Sun on that moonlit night. A meteorite hailing all the way from the distant countryside. Bright and unyielding (and adorably chubby at the cheeks). That time, he was a few months older than you, but that hadn’t stopped you from cheerfully befriending him.

It was because your mothers were awfully dear to each other, and that meant that you and Akaashi would spend a lot of time together by some means. But it wasn’t like either of you hated it.

Akaashi’s mother would cook you up some pancakes when you visited, and your mother would scoop him generous helpings of ice cream when Akaashi visited. It was a win-win situation for the both of you, but aside from the cordial feasts your parents offered, you really did enjoy each others’ companies.

“L/N-chan, it’s Akaashi-kun not ‘Kaashi-kun...” he mumbled gloomily as the both of you hiked up the subsided hill only a few meters away from the residential district.

“Ehh... it’s much shorter and easier to say though,” you said, eyes gleaming with wonder as you tugged harder on his jacket sleeve. “C’mon, hurry up, ‘Kaashi-kun! We’ll miss it!”

Reluctantly picking up his pace, he followed you through the spiraling tangle of trees and rocks. Akaashi mused on why he was doing this in the first place, when he could just be laying around in his room playing video games or the sorts. But you were so insistent that he had to accompany you to God-knows-where that he’d immediately rushed out the door before you could catapult more konpeitou* at his window.

Arriving at a barren lawn of grass and wildflowers, you stared up at the sapphire dome that stretched out across the horizon. The night was windless, unexpectedly so, considering it was already teeming into summer. Freckled with ivory motes, your eyes glazed over, reflecting the blue yonder in your childlike pools.

Watching you crane your neck upwards, Akaashi grew tireless at your unjustified antics. He wouldn’t find stag beetles here, might as well go home. “L/N-chan, what—”

You only shushed him briskly, pointing up at the unstirring sky. In a low whisper, you giggled. “It’s starting.”

And like the landscape had come to life, a blazing cascade of stars poured against the deep backdrop. Diamonds, Akaashi had thought when he saw the first one skid past his sight. It’s raining diamonds.

“A-Are the stars falling out of the sky?” Akaashi gulped, gripping your hand tighter.

Like always, you smiled at him kindly. “Nope! Papa said this is called a meteor shower. It happens on a special day each year—something like a birthday, I think.”

‘Like a birthday’. Whose birthday is it? Akaashi thought, his usual pout surfacing. “Why would the meteors need to shower?”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged. “Maybe they’re smelly or something after travelling a long, looong way to get here.”

Why would they need to travel? Where are the meteors going? All his questions made Akaashi dizzy. If he’d asked you, you probably wouldn’t know too much either. Letting go of your knobbly hands to crouch over the grass, the boy observed your marveled expression with sleepy eyes.

You looked so happy to watch the sky rain down on the horizon. He didn’t get why, but seeing your laughter as the heavens twinkled and glittered at you, he felt calm. Not the sluggish kind of calm, where he’d instantly fall asleep at the slightest touch, but sort of like a calmness of “heart”. Like how he felt whenever his parents mended one of his broken toys, or how he felt when he ate his favorite sweets.

And perhaps, like how Akaashi felt every single moment he spent with you.

“Wah!” Your sudden cry of alarm nearly made him flinch. “I forgot!”

Eyes widened as he watched you scramble to kneel amongst the grass, Akaashi timidly followed your actions and clasped his hands together as if he was visiting a shrine on New Years’.

“I thought you only made wishes to shooting stars?” he questioned.

“I’m not making a wish, ‘Kaashi-kun,” you murmured, pressing your knuckles to your forehead. “I’m thanking the sky.”

The boy’s lips flattened into a straight line as he saw you softly mouth your prayers. No wishes, huh? That was new. Awkwardly taking a deep breath, Akaashi tried his hand at expressing his gratitude to the heavens.

Thank you, sky. For being bright and beautiful and everything else. Although, I don’t really like when you rain, I think L/N-chan would want me to thank it too. Thank you for all your hard work. From Akaashi Keiji. Seven years old.

He hoped that would be enough. You were still praying; he wondered what sorts of things you were saying to the sky. You reminded him a bit of the stars. Night would come and Akaashi’s head would drift over to you. Bright and beautiful and everything else. He wondered if he was actually just thanking you.

Averting his gaze towards the fading shower, Akaashi let himself drown in the calmness that overtook his heart. The world was so much bigger to young children, and to you and your best friend, the doors to the great wide Milky Way had just opened up.

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

“Konpeitou look a lot like stars, don’t they?”

Eyeing the tiny bullet of candy between your thumb and forefinger, you let out a satisfied hum when you pop it in your mouth. A sweet and sour flavor spreads in your tongue, and you consider eating nothing but star candies for the rest of your life.

“If you eat too much sweets you’ll get cavities,” Akaashi sighs, tapping the side of your bento that you’d barely touched. “Eat your vegetables, L/N-san.”

You stick out your tongue at him yet reluctantly pick up a floppy slice of eggplant. “Geez, you sound like my parents. Can we trade, ‘Kaashi-kun? I’ll give you my carrots and fried eggplants for your sunny side up and three octopus sausages.”

“Just the carrots. And you only get two sausages.”

“Deal~!”

Promptly piling up your carrots into his lunch box, Akaashi watches your eager smile falter into a sulk. Your best friend sighs, propping his elbows up on your desk to cradle his face.

“You were barely able to focus back there in class. You didn’t stay up all night again, did you?”

“O-Of course not! I’m sleeping fine.” There you go again. Akaashi wonders what face you’ll make if he told you you were bad at lying. He decides not to touch on that today.

“But your bedroom light was on. I saw it through the window.”

“I-I just forgot to turn it off!” you flush. “And what were you doing looking through my bedroom window? ‘Kaashi-kun, don’t tell me you’ve turned to a pervert—Ow! That hurts, ‘Kaashi-kun!”

“Don’t accuse me of ridiculous things if you’re going to lie. Your bedroom window is right across mine, I’d have known even if I wasn’t trying to.”

Holding up your hands to the spot where Akaashi had flicked your forehead, you give him a faux pout of defeat. When Akaashi gets violent, you know you wouldn’t be able to get away with anything. No matter how much konpeitou you bribe him with.

“I was just trying to get a good look at the stars again,” you mumble, the candy in your mouth splitting in half with a roll of your teeth. “Lyra and Aquila are getting pretty noticeable this time around.”

Akaashi racks through his mind to recall the right information you’d mentioned to him from all those late-night talks through your balconies. “Hmm... you mean the Tanabata* constellations? The ones representing Orihime and Hikoboshi, right?”

“Yep~! Vega and Altair are going to be at a spotlight during this year’s festival, so I made myself a promise to track down it’s progress until it’s over.” Dreamily sighing into your palm, you smile. “Orihime-chan and Hikoboshi are finally going to see each other again, what a pain to be separated like that... Aah, I’m super lucky that ‘Kaashi-kun’s balcony is just a reach away...”

Your slip of the tongue doesn’t go unnoticed by your childhood friend as Akaashi’s face burns crimson. You nearly forget that you’re not children anymore—that you’re past the ages of bathing together nude in a flimsy inflatable pool smack in the middle of Akaashi’s living room. That you’re both hormonal teenagers and there’s a very high possibility that you’re very much past the feeling of “just friends”.

“I-I see...” Akaashi clears his throat. “But that doesn’t dismiss the fact that you’re skipping out on sleep! You have to rest up, L/N-san, even if there’s a planetary convergence out in plain sight.”

“A planetary convergence! I’d never miss something like—Ow! Okay, okay, I get it! I’ll try not to miss out on too much sleep next time.”

Leaning back on his chair, Akaashi’s lips wrap around the plastic straw of his strawberry milk. He tries to slurp something up to soothe his mind, but only a crackly noise erupts from the carton. His eyebrows twitch in annoyance; if he doesn’t get your sleeplessness out of your system soon, you’re in worlds of trouble.

Akaashi doesn’t want you to suffer. He hates it when you do. There’s only so much he could do as your best friend, but if there was a chance for him to let your mind off things for just a moment... that would do him ounces of favors. Just a moment for the both of you, like the olden days. A moment away from Bokuto-san and the Volleyball Club. A moment away from your collapsing Astronomy Club. If Orihime and Hikoboshi would listen to his wishes, he hopes they’re listening to him now.

Please let me be with L/N-san. More than anything else.

“Ah,” he perks up. “Your family has confirmed the meet-up point for this year’s Tanabata Festival, right?”

Beaming brightly, you barely notice the faint blush on your classmate’s cheeks. “Yep! Don’t forget to remind your parents, alright? It’s a nice tradition that our families get to hang out every year during festivals~ My grandma said she’s going to come this year!”

“How nice. I haven’t seen your grandmother in a while,” he says. “H-hey, L/N-san... you think that old observatory is still there?”

“Ah, you mean by the hill? I think it is.”

And Akaashi smiles. The softest smile that you think he could ever muster. Just for a spare instant you think you’re seeing another wonder of the skies. A blessing that takes the form of your childhood friend... until the bell rings, signaling the next period.

Akaashi taps your shoulder quietly as he turns towards his own desk. “On the day of the festival. I want to show you something, so... could you ask your parents if you could stay for an extra hour or so?”

You don’t even realize your heart is racing hard enough for someone to hear. And you can only nod at your childhood friend who’s not quite a ‘friend’ anymore at this point.

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

When you make a wish upon a star, how much are you willing to share them with another person?

Akaashi can only remember glimpses of what he’d wished for all those years ago. Better grades, a new toy, hope that onigiri would come down raining on him one day. It was always the normal wishes for him (and most of them didn’t really verge on being too weird) which is why he had no problems with sharing them with you.

On the other hand, you were more secretive about your wishes. But that didn’t mean you weren’t going to be so predictable about it...

“So you wished for that new telescope?”

“Aaah, ‘Kaashi-kun! Did you read my tanzaku* or something?! Rude!”

He sighed. “I don’t know. Probably has to do something with how much you’ve been saying ‘telescope’, ‘telescope’, ‘telescope’ in your sleep lately.”

He laughs at the memory of your beautifully flushed face. How old were you then, twelve? It was during this exact same festival too. Packed and stuffy just as always. You were radiant that night. A shooting star lighting up the universe with a simple grin. And Akaashi wonders if any constellation would ever be able to size up to you.

“‘Kaashi-kun! Sorry we’re late!”

Yukata*. A plum blossom-patterned yukata that draped over your body like a silk curtain. Akaashi has only counted two times in his life where he’d seen you wear something like that. One, the funeral for the old ramen shopkeeper in your apartment. Two, the cultural festival in your second year of middle school. Akaashi’s mind goes completely blank and his lips creep up into a smile as he doesn’t even hide his obvious blush anymore.

“‘Kaashi-kun, i-is my yukata okay?” you falter at his gaze. God, did he have to stare so much? “I probably look silly.”

“N-no! Y-you’re...” he shakes his head profusely. Beautiful? An angel? A gift to mankind? The only word good enough to measure up to your splendor was—

“Perfect. You’re perfect.” He twinkles. “I wouldn’t change a single thing.”

If you hadn’t dug your shoes so deep into the ground, you were sure your knees were going to buckle. Friends don’t normally call their friends ‘perfect’ with that expression, right? Particularly Akaashi with that comical poker-face of his. That’s unfair, ‘Kaashi-kun.

Right at the perfect second, your mother calls over to the both of you. “Hey, kids, want to write some tanzaku?”

“That’s alright, Auntie. I’ve already hung mine up when I got here.” Akaashi turns to you, still averting your gaze from him. Cute. “What’re you going to write this year, another wish for a supermoon?”

“Secret~” you wink impishly. “How about you?”

The boy hums quietly before returning your wink. “Secret.”

You grit your teeth. “Oh come on, you usually tell me anyway! Say, tell me? Is it something embarrassing? Where’d you hang it? I want to see!”

Akaashi only chuckles. Gently patting your head, he urges you towards the display of bamboos and streamers arching over the entrance to the festival.

“You’ll find out soon enough. Now let’s go and enjoy Tanabata before the stars decide to give out.”

Taking his hand, you gleefully lead him into the throngs of people. And he’s thankful that you do, because right now, it would be troublesome if you looked back to see the intense blush that covers him head to toe. Right now, he’s going to enjoy the festival with you. And later, well... There is always the perfect moment for everything, and Akaashi wants to make sure of it.  

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

It’s a bit ironic, to be fair.

Something nostalgic hits him in the back of his head as he drags you through the trees and rocks towards the moonlit hill. Funny. You had always been the one to take his hand and encourage him to try something new. Stargazing, making friends, even a small push for a taste of volleyball. There are so much things he wanted to thank you for and he hopes whatever he was going to tell you tonight is worth it.

Akaashi’s hand on your wrist is warm as you approach a large clearing. Just overlooking the slope are the luminescent lights of the festival, like crystals that make the night glow even brightly. When he turns back to check on you, your wrist tethers upon scorching, but you make no move to pull your hand away.

“I-is this—?” you gasp.

It’s almost ethereal. No, it is ethereal. Shards of the Milky Way spread beautifully against an azure curtain, presenting itself to the both of you in a manner reminiscent to a dancer in motion. Threads of purple and rose weaves through the stars and wrap together like the hands of Orihime and Hikoboshi, bound together by fate. This is the essence of Tanabata, and you’re here to see it up-close-and-personal.

You don’t even notice Akaashi’s hand slowly creeping down your wrist to entwine his fingers with yours. He watches your features contort into a smile that showers meteors in his stomach—he wonders how amazing it is that he’s lasted this long in your heavenly presence.

“Do you like it?” he murmurs quietly.

‘Kaashi-kun... He must’ve spent so long researching about the timing and the shortest path to get here. “Thank you, ‘Kaashi-kun! Thank you! Oh wow... I can see the sky really clearly from here. You must’ve worked very hard... It’s beautiful.”

Akaashi raises his free hand to slip a strand of your hair behind your ear. “Not as much as you.”

You hold in your breath, the feeling of your best friend’s fingers lingering upon the leaf of your ears burning. It leaves you shaking inside your yukata, and you wonder how long you’ve been reacting like this towards him.

“Don’t tease me like that, ‘Kaashi-kun,” you mutter, looking away from his rain-streaked pools.

“I wasn’t teasing. You really are beautiful.” Akaashi hesitates to bite his lip. Soft and kissable, and smelling sweetly of candied apples. “L/N-san, this entire time... I was jealous.”

The color of your cheeks must’ve been beyond a radiant red by now. Akaashi takes both your hands in his. There’s no stopping the torrent of emotions that overtake him as he continues.

“I was jealous of the stars. That you were always looking at them with amazement and love. I thought I was being stupid, but it’s really not. You’d probably get mad at me for staring at you instead of the sky during those times you took me stargazing. But I can’t help it.”

“‘Kaashi-kun...?”

“I like you, L/N-san. More than a friend.”

A lump grows in your throat, and you croak shakily. “Y-you do?”

Akaashi stutters but his words are as resolute as his gaze. “Of course I do.”

Silence hanging in the air, cold sweat begins to bead on the boy’s forehead. He’s still holding your hands—it’s warm just like you, and he worries if what he’d said might’ve ceased him the opportunity to experience such warmth ever again.

Then you laugh. Bubbly and absolutely pleasant. Resembling the coordinated twinkling of stars in the night sky. And Akaashi goes through a crisis, realizing that you’d finally seen him as a joke.

Clearing your throat, you beam kindly at him. “So do I, ‘Kaashi-kun. More than anything.”

“Ah...” he blushes deeply again and immediately finds interest in your shoes. “S-s-sorry. I thought you were going to reject me, so I didn’t really think of what to do next past this point.”

Sidling up closer to him, you let out a breathy sigh. Peeking down at you through your curled lashes, Akaashi’s chest pounds fervently against his dress shirt. And just upon his arm, he can feel the faint ba-dump of yours. How calming.

“I suppose while we’re here, we can thank the stars,” you say. “Like the old days.”

Akaashi chuckles, the rumble of his laughter buzzing under your skin. “That’d be nice.”

So you look up at the great vaults of heaven and expressed your gratitude. For each other, for konpeitou and boiled rapeseeds, for volleyball and the vast universe. Just for a moment, just for a peek, Akaashi feels the graces of Orihime and Hikoboshi shining upon him—Vega and Altair sparkling brilliantly on their stage.

The secret of your tanzaku isn’t much of a secret after all, you don’t have to admit it to each other either (much to Akaashi’s regard). It resonates within your congruent hearts like a reminder of the infinite sky that will always watch over you.

I want to gaze upon the stars with ‘Kaashi-kun forever.

I want to love L/N-san with all of my heart.

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

Glossary:

konpeito - Japanese sugar candy that look a bit like stars

tanabata - a Japanese festival, usually celebrated on the 7th of July, based on the romantic legend of Orihime and Hikoboshi

tanzaku - a narrow strip of card where wishes are written upon then tied on a bamboo stalk

yukata - a light cotton kimono

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #akaashi keiji #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji imagine #akaashi keiji scenario #haikyuu fluff #fukuroudani x reader #bruh haikyuu writing #sfw

[a-wandering-ghoulette]

MyRock ; issue n°44 (Jan/Feb 2017) A Nameless Ghoul from Ghost interview.

Photos: Manon Violence Interview: Mark Renton

2017 has been the year of all records for Ghost! After an exceptional concert at Hellfest, a nicely lead Download Festival (despite voice problems) and a France tour still in minds, the band then launched a triumphal American tour. Meanwhile, the satanic clergy also draw its awesome “Popestar”, EP lead with drums beating by the heady single “Square Hammer”. Telephonical talk with one Nameless Ghoul to take stock on the past, the present and future of this definitely fascinating band.

//Before continuing, note this issue is still available for international orders on their online shop. Direct link to this issue’s page in source! Don’t be surprised by the first cover shown there, it’s litteraly a two covered mag… The mag is meant to be read in 2 time: you start by one side, no matter which one, and when you reach the middle, you have to close it and flip it then tadaaa you have more to read on the 2nd side!//

(Read the full interview under the cut and feel free to point out mistakes!)

Hello, who’s calling? Nameless Ghoul: Hello! I’m one of the Nameless Ghouls.

Which one? Which instrument do you play in the band? N.G. : I’m our clergy’s official spokesperson. I’m also Ghost’s founder, main composer and, most of the time, I play guitar.

How do you feel at the approach of Papa Emeritus III’s end of reign? Because there’ll certainly be a new Papa Emeritus soon… N.G. : You’re right, we’re close to the end of a cycle. Personally, I always saw change as a good thing. It’s stimulating. We still have a lot of concerts to give in 2017, but I think I can safely say that at the end of the next year, all Nameless Ghouls will be tired of Papa Emeritus III! It’ll be nice to see a new leader coming to guide us.

How would you describe the personality of Papa Emeritus III compared to his predecessors? N. G. : First of all, Papa Emeritus III is an entertainer! He loves projectors, he loves the public, and he loves success. The first Papa Emeritus was someone very rigid, very strict, and very solemn. A real son of a bitch! (laughs) To be honest, we don’t miss him at all! Papa Emeritus II was a pervert a little bit sadistic, and, in hindsight, I think he wasn’t very at ease on stage. He wasn’t a showman, unlike Papa Emeritus III! Him, he’s the guide we missed to rise up the quality of our shows, to reach the step above and communicate with our fans. We will be eternally thankful for his work. I believe he have paved the way for his successor…

Precisely, what are you waiting from the future Papa Emeritus IV? N.G. : Well, I want him to be scary. That he bring back something more tenebrous, while remaining spectacular. Broadly speaking, I want the next album to come back to a gloomier atmosphere.

Fueled by ego

On a more personal viewpoint, what is your relationship with your character? N.G. : What’s exciting me the most with Ghost, it’s that the project is a real challenge for the individuals involved. Everybody is on an equal footing. Furthermore, there’s something really thrilling to embody a character which is a part of yourself, but never totally you. Traditionally, rock stars always reach the point where they fuse with their creature. In the end, rock’s always been fueled by ego. Even if you’re part of a fully honest and underground band, you’ll always have this desire to be under the spotlights, to be recognize, famous and loved. Those pretending the contrary are liars. Roughly, no matter the music you make, you all secretly dream to be a kind of Justin Bieber. (laughs) To be masked is something very different. It’s a kind of anomaly in the entertainment system. Because every day, you never receive the admiration you deserve. When I’m not on stage with Ghost, I’m going back in anonymity. It’s very positive for me. I would say, my character brings me some stability in my daily life. But I’m aware my case is a bit special since I’m Ghost’s main composer and thus I’ll always be linked in a way or another to this project. But being in the obscurity is sometime more complicated to manage for the other Nameless Ghouls…

This mystery surrounding Ghost inevitably attracts the fans curiosity. This year, some of them started a vast quest to discover your identities. We imagine it’s part of the game, but what are you feeling regarding it? N.G. : From the beginning, we knew it’ll be impossible to keep the secret until the end. It’s already a miracle we held this long. (laughs) Personally, it doesn’t matter. I think the work accomplished pays its own way. I mean, our albums, our concerts and our universes are that strong they succeed to supplant the reality. Today, people don’t care to know who’s under Papa Emeritus’ hat. When they come to see us play, they want the real Papa. It’s a bit like if our creature ended up escaping us to live its own life.

2017 has been a successful year for Ghost, with appearances in huge festivals, a colossal American tour and the worldwide success of the EP “Popestar”. How did you live that? N.G. : This year has been amazing on every points, really! We’ve been able to see how much the band has grown by federating more fans. However, I’m not someone who contemplate our success and congratulate myself. The past doesn’t interest me. But the future does. When we take a step forward I always try to have in mind the next one. 5 years ago, we played at the Olympia supporting In Flames and Trivium. It happens that on 11 April next we’ll come back, this time as the headliner. But instead of rejoicing, I like to tell myself: “OK, it’s cool, but what I really want to do is Bercy!”. And if one day we make it to Bercy as the headliner, I know in a corner of my head there’ll be the Stade de France. I’m ambitious. (laughs)

I come from extreme metal.

Ghost is one of the rare bands to link metal to the general public. Do you think it explains this popularity? N.G. : I think, yes. We see more and more diversity in the public at our gigs. Of course, there are metalheads with long hair and battle jacket, but there are also hipsters, girls who usually listen to pop music, and alternative rock lovers. I find it fantastic. You know, musically, I come from extreme metal. It’s been in my genes since my teenage years. I listen to many other things, but it’s where I come from. It’s my identity and it’s what forged my mentality. At the point that, when Ghost began to be successful, I started to feel guilty. I had that feeling I transgressed underground metal’s tactical rules, which are systematic rejection of success and popularity. It took me a lot of abnegation to understand success isn’t nefarious, on the contrary, it’s the reward for an hard work. And deep down I think I was scared to be rejected by my own community, to be treated like a sellout.

Have you ever been confront to animosity from fundamentalists metalheads? N.G. : Oh yes, mostly now! On internet, some start to let their hate flow on Ghost. But it’s OK, I understand. Myself, if I wasn’t in the band, I think I would hate Ghost. (laughs) Because in metal, once a band makes money, they’re sellout. It’s like this and I accept it. It’s also an old metalhead’s thing. People who were here during the rise of the extreme genres grew up with a certain code of conduct, with a more rigid thinking. By the way, I’m going to tell you a secret: some of my best friends abhor Ghost. They hate the band. They don’t understand what we do, they think it’s crap. But it’s nothing. They can. They stay my friends after all. (laughs) It’s different with kids, they are more open minded. But in hindsight, I’m figuring out that me too, in my daily life, I’m an old fart. (laughs) I listen to a small amount of new things. Nothing give me more joy than a good old “Master of Puppets”, a “Seven Churches” by Possessed, or a King Diamond, my hero!

King Diamond & Merciful Fate.

Would you say King Diamond was the biggest inspiration for Ghost, in terms of theatricality? N.G. : Indeed! As far as I remember, I’ve always listened to King Diamond and Merciful Fate. At home, my mother listened to a lot of 60’s and 70’s classic rock, like Beatles, Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin. My brother, him, listened to harder stuff like AC/DC, Sex Pistols, Rainbow… I liked all of this, but when my neighbor introduce me to King Diamond I had the feeling to be someone special. I was listening to this crazy stuff that no one else knew at home! I was 8 and, at this age, as you can imagine, I was very marked by his albums’ visuals. King Diamond is the one who open me the door to this gloomy universe which is now find in Ghost.

Kid from the 80’s.

We also guess an interest for the 80’s! If previously you made a cover of Depeche Mode, your EP “Popestar” offer us covers of Echo & The Bunnymen and Eurythmics. N.G. : I’m a kid from the 80’s, it’s the soundtrack of my life. I think it’s mostly thanks to the radio, which was always switch on at home. I like all classics: Mike Oldfield, Nik Kershaw, Eurythmics, Midnight Oil… When I was a teenage, I kind of liked to show of and act like a thoug one who only listen to extreme metal, but secretly, in my bedroom, I listened to Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet and Bronski Beat. (laughs) And, in the end, Ghost is exactly this: a mix of Kiss, Depeche Mode and Merciful Fate with a bit of Pink Floyd over it, especially “The Piper at the Gates of Dawn” and “A Saucerful of Secrets”.

On your last EP, there is the heady single “Square Hammer”. It’s the first time you embrace that clearly pop’s codes. Is this song representative of the sound you would like to have on the next album? N.G. : You know, album after album, each time we ask ourselves how far we can go. It was already the case with “Infestissumam”. At the time, we wondered if the song “Ghuleh/Zombie Queen” wasn’t too much. After a moment of hesitation we were like “Fuck! Black Sabbath made ballads so why not us?”. On “Meliora”, we wondered if there weren’t too many ballads. Then, when we composed “Square Hammer”, we found the title too direct, too effective. We were scared our fans wouldn’t understand. We’ve always had this metalhead consciousness tugging us. But in the end, we thought a good song is a good song, no matter the shape. So to answer your question, I think our next disc will wander further more into these melodies, indeed.

You have a break until the resumption of the tour, on March. Will you write the new album while you’re at it? N.G. : Of course! I’m already on it, I have some new songs…  And a good idea where I want to go with this album, but it’s too early to talk about it. The problem is the 2017 tour will extend and I’m not sure we’ll have the time to finish the recording before going back on the roads. I think we’ll finish it in late 2017, with a potential release in 2018. Earlier seems difficult to me! All I can tell you is that visually, the next album’s imagery will come back to something way darker than “Meliora”.

What can we expect for your next date at the Olympia, on 11 April next? N.G. : I saw today that our concert is sold out, it’s amazing! It’ll be very alike shows we gave in the USA this year. We have a stage structure more sizable compared to the last time we came in France. Visually, the show will be impressive, but we’ll also play some rare titles. The only deception is we won’t have the pyrotechnical effects, because they aren’t authorized at the Olympia. So it’ll has to work doubly hard! You know, we love to play in France. We are always very well hosted here. Moreover, what I most loved since the release of “Meliora” it’s to play again and again in France. I really saw our public grow out there when it comes to Hellfest or Rock en Seine. To feel appreciated like this is the greatest reward. Furthermore, the food is succulent in France, people are lovely and you have this attitude a bit impertinent which is rather close to that of Ghost. France, it’s our second home. We’re eager to be back at the Olympia and to party with you! (Translator note: Ooooh you and your sweet like honey words~ We love you too, dear.)

Bonus anecdote:

(Almost) naked with James Hetfield! Our new friend Nameless Ghoul is an ultimate fan of Metallica. Before becoming friend with James Hetfield, he met him in circumstances rather… embarrassing: “Metallica, it’s the greatest band in the world! I hadn’t have time to fully savor their last album but I’m so happy to know they’re alive and in great shape.  It also means they will tour, and thus we’ll get the occasion to meet on the road. James Hetfield has been one of Ghost’s first supports. I had the chance to meet him several times, and since we often message each other. The first time he’s been introduced to me, the situation was rather… surrealistic. We were in our lodge, changing ourselves, and here come James Hetfield suddenly appearing by the door to say hi. And you know what? I was in underwear! It was the most embarrassing situation of my life! I was there, in underwear, in front of my greatest idol! How embarrassing!”

#the band ghost #Nameless Ghouls #papa emeritus iii #special ghoul #tobias forge #interview

[surveysonfleek]

543.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 31

2901. have you ever written a letter to: a friend: yes. a lover: yes. a celebrity: yes, but i never sent it. congress/house/reps: only to the mayor, it was a task in elementary lol. the president/leader of your country: no. 2902. Why are cigarette companies allowed to manufacture and sell cigarettes when they are so unhealthy and dangerous? it’s basically the same as why do mcdonalds sell food? people will always buy things that are bad for them. 2903. Do you chat with people in an elevator? only at work because i know them lol. 2904. What's your favorite Jack Nicholson movie? i don’t have one.

2905. Who should play the part of Superman? never been a fan, so idk. 2906. Do you like when your friends and your mate's friends hang out? we have the same group of friends. 2907. Doritos or Cheetos? cheetos!!!! 2910. Do you brush your teeth three times a day? no, more like 1-2 lol. 2911. Should I stop making questions with multiple parts and just count each actual question as a question? yes. 2912. What gives your ego a boost? genuine unexpected compliments. 2913. What knocks your ego down? genuine unexpected critiques. 2914. Live and let live or live and let die? either or. 2915. What do you think of Damien Hirst's art piece Mother and Child, which is half a cow in formaldedhyde? i don’t know it. 2916. Why is it that 70 percent of americans Do Not want to go to war with Iraq and yet we are going to war with Iraq anyway? eh, not knowledgeable on this subject. Is this democracy? - 2917. Imagine you have two choices of what life you can live: One: You are provided with meals, medicine, clothes and shelter. You are always with your family. You can lie in the sun and smoke, drink, play, cook, etc.. There will be certain rules you must follow such as no killing, no hurting others, no leaving the commune you were born in, no stealing, no tv, no newspapers and no books. OR Two: You are turned loose in the world with nothing. You start out cold and hungry. You may stay cold and hungry forever but you also have the opportunity to try and make a life for yourself. This will take a lot of hard work and there is no guarantee you will ever live comfortably. Which life do you choose? it depends how much knowledge and street smarts i have, but i’d probably choose the second option. WHY? because i know the world has so much to offer. if i worked hard enough i could basically get all the benefits of option one and even more. 2918. Why is there no 'Mr. America' pageant? isn’t there? there’s a mr. universe right? Should there be? i’m not that fussy. What qualities would YOU look for in a Mr. America if such a contest were to exist (like miss america he would have to be a role model)? same qualities as miss america i guess. 2919. If something offends you do you feel that it has no right to exist? in a perfect world, yes. but life doesn’t work that way. 2920. Why do advertisers seem to believe that guys will buy any product that a hot girl in a bikini is sitting next too? well, sex sells. 2921. What would you do if your mom had a fight with a male aquantance and you heard an answering machine message he left her cursing at her, calling her names and being very disrespectful? i’d ask her wtf is going on and take actions into my own hands. i can’t handle the idea of people being rude to my family. 2922. What do you represent? myself? lol. 2923. What message does ___ send when given as a birthday present?flowers: a kind gesture i guess. i’m not a flowers kinda gal though. slippers: a possible regift? i’d use it anyway. candles: everyone likes candles so it’s a universal gift i guess. diamond necklace: a grand gesture coming from someone with money obviously lol. gift certificate: didn’t know what to get you, but here’s a gift card! cash: unthoughtful but very useful. books: tbh i gift books a lot i think it’s good for kids and stuff. 2924. Have you ever completed a paint by number? yeah most likely. If yes of what?/ i had a lot of these books as a kid, so i don’t remember a particular one lol. 2925. How long has it been since you colored in a coloring book? i’ve done it sometime this year. 2926. What have you been caught doing? smoking haha. 2927. Does temptation make you do what you love? hmm not really? 2928. Do you have an gadgets in the house that you don't know how to use? What? the washing machine lol. it’s all a guessing game. 2929. Do you read the instructions to things or skip them? i skim through them. 2930. Will you ever reach your full potential? i sure hope so. 2931. Who is your biggest fan? my family and boyfriend. 2932. Who do you take care of? my family and boyfriend. Who takes care of you? same ^ 2933. Do you think that lawyers should only argue cases when they feel like the client is in the right? i guess so but money is the motivation i guess. representing someone they wouldn’t necessarily support could also help their arguing skills idk. If you were a lawyer would you argue cases when you felt like your client was completely wrong? not sure... 2934. Is it sexy in here or is it just me? it’s just you. 2935. You are giving out your phone number to a HOTTIE by writing it on a napkin. Do you write a little note or draw a picture too? If yes, what? i would never do this. 2936. Can you fold paper into anything (a hat, a swan, a boat, etc)? What? yes, i can make little 3d stars haha. 2937. How can a girl get a guy-she-is-dating's mom to like her better? just be yourself. mothers of sons are always harder to please, just like fathers of daughters. 2938. What is one theory about life or anything that you came up with that no one else has? nothing haha. 2939. Do you like answering questions about: (bold) your life? your taste? tv? music? art? politics? life? religion? issues? sex? loved ones? favorites? objects? math? philosophy? hypothetical situations? things that require lots of thought? 2940. The mortuary science department is having a bake sale. Does this strike you as funny? pretty random. 2941. What would you think of a new reality tv game show where real life criminals on death row competed in life threatening tasks for the prize of a reduced sentence? pretty sadistic if you ask me. Did you know that they are considering making this a show? no idea. Would you watch it? probably not. 2942. What was the last song you looked up the words to? curve. 2943. What Saturday morning cartoons do you like? the only one i remember watching was saturday disney. 2944. If anything's possible, then is it possible that nothing's possible? no. 2944. What does the T in T-Shirt really mean? the shape of a tee? idk. 2945. Would you alter your routine if there was a sniper in your area? haha i guess so. If so how? head straight to my door as fast as i can, draw the curtains to all windows. 2946. Is castration a good punishment for extreme or repeat sexual offenders? eh... why not. idk. 2947. If you are a girl have you ever experienced penis envy? nope. If you are a guy would you still want to live if you had to be castrated? 2948. Imagine you are teaching a class of sixth graders. A the start of the year you tell them, "If you come away with class and have learned only ONE THING, I hope that you learned....(finish the sentence) idk. 2949. If you were being interviewed for a job in a clothing store how would you sell yourself to the prospective employers? obviously wear clothes that they sell at the store, research the brand a little and keep up to date with their seasons, promos etc. 2950. How do you stop pop up ads? adblock. 2951. You are alone. You take a bus to the mall. The stop is right in the mall parking lot. You window-shop. You don't buy anything. You want to get back on the bus to go home when you realize you have lost all your money. You have no cell phone. All the payphones are jammed with gum. You can not get it out. How do you get the $1.50 you need to get on the bus and get home??? i’d go to the mall, visit each store and ask them if i can contact someone to pick me up. 2952. How long would it take you to organize your bedroom? probably an entire day. 2953. Make up a nickname for your bedroom: no. 2954. What comes after: I've got a love-a-lee bunch of coconuts (diddly dee) There they are a-standing in a row. <--- this Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head... 2955. Where ARE the wild things? in our dreams. 2956. You get a six cd changer for the car, only problem is that you know that once you put in six cd's you can NEVER take them out. Which 6 cd's do you put in? i wouldn’t bother. as long as my car had an aux in, i’m all good. 2957. Let's play Jeapordy. (Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Dooooo-) I'll give some answers..you give the questions. Ready? Begin. The answer is: Purple what colour is barney the dinosaur? Yellow what colour is a banana? Candle what’s something you can light up during a romantic dinner? Pepsi who’s coke’s biggest competitor? Peace what does a dove symbolize? Lisa what’s the name of the eldest simpsons daughter? Cotton what type of fabric are most t-shirts made out of? Flag haha idk. 42 idk. 2958. Pick a letter. d. List some great words starting with that letter: no. 2959. Is eight days a week enough to show you care? no haha. 2960. Have you told your parents you love them today? no. 2961. What is the difference between a number two pencil and any other kind of pencil? its tone, thickness idk. 2962. Have you ever cross-dressed? no. 2963. Are we living in a world without end? probably not. 2964. What do you think of that couple that was just on the news who kidnapped a 16 year old girl for a week and forced her to be their sex slave? that’s terrifying and disgusting. it sucks to think there must be so many more undocumented cases like this. 2965. Wanna watch a movie about a cheerleading competition? only if it’s bring it on. 2966. Are you singing in the rain? no. 2967. Should the sopranos actors have been allowed to march in the St Patrick's Day parade? idk? 2968. Is oral sex, anal sex or regular sex more intimate? regular. 2969. Is it time to switch to Decaf? i do drink decaf from time to time. 2970. Why is it that the truth hurts? because some people can’t handle it. 2971. How do you feel about: ticketmaster? laggy. scalpers? it depends. we bought tickets from a scalper at an ice hockey game once for a fair price and they were the best seats in the house. i don’t think i’d ever do that again though. 2972. What are you guilty of? being lazy. 2973. Have you ever done any of the following in order to catch a buzz or get high? sniffed glue: i did this as a kid coz i liked the smell, not to get high. sniffed magic markers: nope. ate paste: no. drank Nyquil, rRobitussen or any other Over-the-counter drug: no. 'huffed' (inhaled or sniffed) any kind of fabric softner, cooking spray or other household product: no. whip-its: no. 2974. What gives you inner stregnth? inspiration. 2975. ::eyes you suspiciously::Where have all the COOKIES gone? idk. i don’t eat cookies. 2976. What is a good gift for someone you don't like so that it SEEMS to be nice but really 'gets' them somehow? haha no thanks. 2977. If you don't like the service at a restaurant would you skip the tip? yes. Why or why not? because tipping in australia isn’t mandatory. 2978. Apples or peaches or pumpkin pie? apple. 2979. What Race/nationality was Jesus? israeli?  2980. What was one evening you'll never forget? every night of coachella. 2981. Name 13 ways to look at a blackbird: no. 2982. Trick or Treat? treat. 2983. If you had money to burn, what 'toy' would you spend your money on (think monopoly game with real money, luxory boat, a train layout that takes up a house, etc.)? a tesla. 2984. Are you having trouble with aol 8.0? lol this is so old. Or if you don't have aol...have you ever been to a podiatrist? nope. 2985. If you could write your own ten commandments, what would they be? 1 no thanks. 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 2986. When people lose weight, where does it go? it’s been burnt. 2987. Your mate/partner/wife or husband/longterm boy or girlfriend/etc. has SOMEHOW gotten his or her FAVORITE celebrity's attention. Your sweetie has always thought this celeb was so sexy and now the celeb kinda fancies your sweety as well(although the celeb is not interested enough to stick around for more than one night). Your sweetie wants to have a one night stand with the celeb. Knowing that this is your sweeties one and only chance to bang (or even hang out with) a celebrity (ESPECIALLY their FAVORITE celebrity) you would say: lmao. i’ve had this convo with my boyfriend before. i’d let them hang, whatever. 2988. Have you ever seen an Ed Wood film? no. if yes, what one(s) and what did you think? If no, aren't you curious to see a movie by the person known as the worst director of all time? 2989. What kind of bread do you like to eat (white, rye, potatoe, grain, whole wheat, etc)? white. 2990. Are you emotionaly articulate? yes. 2991. Does everything happen for a reason? i’d like to think so. 2992. Do you take a piece of those you have loved and carry it around forever? eh, not really. If yes, than aren't they still with you even when you are gone? 2993. Is it true that the child is worth ten of the parent? never heard of that. 2994. Can you think of a door that has closed in your life? yes. Can you think of a window that has opened? yes. 2995. What does this mean to you: 'Necessity is the mother of invention'? Do you believe that necessity is also the mother of: courage? survival skills? independence? idkkkk. 2996. What helps you to get over a Major heartache? time. and things to distract yourself with. 2997. Can you depend completely upon yourself? yes. have you ever tried? yes. 2998. How can you tell the difference between the end of one part of your life and the beautiful beginning of the next part? i can’t. 2999. Have you ever read an stories by Kate Chopin? no. If not, I suggest that you do. 3000. Do you often make the best discoveries when you really weren't looking for anything (or anyone)? yes.

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

[supervillainproject]

This Story Behind SEO 2019 Will Haunt You Forever!

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[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Even if it hurts (E.D. AU)

Pairing: gangster!Ethan Dolan x lawyer!reader

Summary: When Ethan Dolan, the most dangerous man in New York walks into Y/N’s office in need of a lawyer and with claims of being framed for a crime he didn’t commit, their lives quickly become intertwined and the mutual attraction between them soon becomes impossible to ignore.

Warnings: violence, angst, fluff, swearing, drinking

Word count: ~11.1k

Heart pounding in my ears and chest, I find my breath halt in my throat. A hand covers my mouth, pulling me closer and I find myself unable to fight. Back against a firm chest, another arm wrapping around my waist, my wide eyes look around in panic as my first exhale fights its way to my nose. It clears my mind just enough to stop the lingering scream deep within my being from forming, just enough to recognize the smell that fills my nostrils. I know that smell, the expensive cologne that intoxicated me for the better part of the year.

It's him.

„Stay down and be quiet. Can you do that for me?“ He whispers in my ear, bringing about a chill that spreads down my back and takes over my entire body.

I nod, shakily turning to glance at him. If I were to die, I wanted his face to be the last thing I see.

Even if it is his fault I am in this position.

10 months ago

I've always been goal-oriented, ambitious to a fault some would say. I considered it my greatest value, something that allowed me to be a trailblazer despite obstacles I encountered in life. I've made several sacrifices to get to where I am today and although I have become who I always wanted to be, I had one thing left to achieve.

To become partner.

Being a lawyer specialized in criminal law is daunting, something many avoid for high profile cases, though rare, usually ensure you have a target on your back for the remainder of your life. I found it thrilling. I never expected to get a high profile case, satisfied helping those who needed my help and building my career as the youngest lawyer in New York City.

Little did I know that would all change.

„Y/N, we have a client and no one else is in. Do you mind taking the case?“ Spoke Katherine, the assistant and in a way the only friend I have. I smile and nod, giving her a go ahead.

„Sure, I'm not busy.“ Just as I finished the sentence, he walked through the door.

Now don't get me wrong, I am in no way, shape or size a hopeless romantic that falls head over heels for guys who walk into my office or any guy really, but it's hard to ignore the feeling this man imposed. With his height alone, this man attracted many unwanted looks and attention. He's tall and even under his classy clothes, his muscles are evident. I swallow thickly as my eyes fall to his toned chest and the white dress shirt covering him. The sleeves are pulled up to his elbows, revealing a couple of tattoos on his forearms. His arms fold over his chest, and with such a simple gesture his muscles bulge but that's not what takes my attention. It's a silver, bejeweled ring on his right index finger.

I dare to look up, finding his dark brown hair comely and perfectly tousled as if he spent hours on it, while it probably took a minute and a hand through the silky looking strands. His eyebrows are bushy and unusually arched, framing his deep brown eyes many consider basic, but there's something different in his. Looking into them there is a storm brewing, one that would turn the brown murkier and more dangerous, something many people I defend hold in their hues but none quite like this man. His jawline is sharp and his chin pointy, almost taking the attention off his plush and soft looking pale pink lips many surely lost their heads over.

„Please take a seat.“ I show him to the chair across from mine, just on the other side of my mahogany desk that served as a buffer.

„Thank you.“ The man says politely as he takes a seat, leaning back but his eyes never leave me. Not for a second.

„I am Y/N Y/L/N and I will represent you if you choose to hire me. Now, tell me why do you need my services.“ I have this little speech practiced to perfection, leaving no doubt or possible fear in my voice for clients to detect. I've learned quite quickly that showing fear is the greatest mistake one can make for it will get you either killed or kicked off the case.

I couldn't tell you which option is worse.

„Well, I am Ethan Dolan and I am here because someone is trying to frame me for a crime I did not commit.“ He explains as he crosses his legs, but not the way women do. It's that rest-your-ankle-on-your-knee kind of a way, a wide spread of confidence and yet I always found it to be the opposite. I've learned to look past cockiness.

„And what crime would that be, Mr. Dolan?“ I raise an eyebrow, taking a pen to write his name on a piece of paper for later use. Trust your client is what they teach us in law school, but I find my own background check to be more efficient in the long run.

„Murder.“ His reply is simple and short, passing his lips so effortlessly when in truth it puts my heart to a full stop for a moment before it finds a normal rhythm once more.

„Alright. I'll have to check with senior partners, but as far as I'm concerned I will do my best to acquit you of these charges. I do need more information, Mr. Dolan. An alibi would help.“ I tilt my head slightly to the right, catching a glimpse of a gold chain peering under his collar.

„I have one, I'm just not at liberty to discuss it.“ Ethan's face is stoic, as if none of this touches him. It's as if he's fearless which I'd snort at if this wasn't a business meeting and he my next paycheck.

No man is fearless.

„That's not a problem. It will make my job harder, but it's not uncommon my clients can't divulge their whereabouts. I'll make it work. Anything on the crime itself?“ I try to keep my composure, knowing the intensity of his gaze will start burning holes in my skull if he keeps his unblinking eyes on me any longer.

I'm used to being underestimated due to my age alone, let alone my looks. I'm aware I'm young and I'm sure I am appealing to some, but no one had ever studied me as closely as this man does. This man that doesn't look much older than I am, a man who is perhaps just as driven as I am.

„The murder happened at the docs last month on the 25th of April at approximately 10 pm. A man was killed with a gun and dropped into water. My contacts already warned me the police is building a case against me. From what I've heard, the gun found was mine and they claim to have DNA evidence on the scene.“ Ethan lays out the case with cold precision, his right hand now wrapping around his left ankle that remains atop his right knee.

I nod, scribbling details to check on later, distracting myself from his incredibly good looks. The way he talks is enough for me to know he's more than a petty criminal, but someone high up in rank, probably a gang member.

„I'll check on these myself with the station and a few of my own contacts.“ I chew on the pen cap, narrowing my eyes at the letters written before me. Putting the pen down, I look to Ethan once more.

„Y/N, I'll be honest here. If I would have done this, I'd never be stupid and leave a trace. They'd never find the murder weapon, let alone my DNA. I didn't do this and I expect you to prove it.“ Ethan stands, planting his palms on my desk as he leans forward. The proximity itself would make anyone jump, but I remain calm and in my seat. I face his hard gaze and keep my composure.

I can even see his one inch stubble, a couple of beauty marks and earrings – a stud-like diamond in each ear. There's a faint blemish on his left cheek, one I'd normally never see, but for some reason I'm studying this man as closely as he's studying me.

„Miss Y/L/N.“ I correct him, giving him a curt smile while his lips twitch for the first time since he entered my office, finally spreading into a smile. His smile isn't as cold as I expected it to be, but it's dangerous. Just as his eyes hold a danger I'm unaware of, so does his smile. A part of me thought he never smiles, maybe smirks from time to time, but this was a full, pearly whites on show kind of a smile.

It's alarming how disarming it is.

„Miss Y/L/N.“ Ethan repeats, dragging out my last name like it's the sweetest tune he'd ever heard. I'd like to say it made me melt or allowed a thousand butterflies to shed their cocoons and fly inside my stomach, but it didn't. It made sharks swim inside my stomach and a nauseating sense of discomfort take over.

„Right. So, I'll call you in a couple of days with information and until then...lay low. Lets not give them any ammo to use against you, because I'm sure they're watching you closely. Even a minor offense will be cause for arrest and we can't afford that just yet. So, lay low and wait for me to call. I'll try to make this speedy and get the charges dropped as soon as they're made.“ I stand up, walking around the table and standing in front of him. Each click of my heel made me cringe inwardly, but outside I kept a picture of confidence and peace.

„Lay low...I can do that. I'll be waiting by the phone...Miss Y/L/N.“ Ethan outstretches his hand for me to shake and although everything inside me screamed not to, I knew this might help build a relationship which would ensure his trust and that is always a good thing.

As soon as my hand touched his, his fingers curled around it and encased my hand. Ethan gently lifts my hand up, bending down as well until his lips touch the back of it.

I was right...his lips are soft and plush and oh so very kissable, but they also bring an unfathomable desire to run and hide.

No, I am not afraid of Ethan Dolan. I am afraid of the tingling sensation his lips left on the back of my hand even when they parted, even when his hold on it relented. Even when he smirked and passed by me and left my office. Even as I fell asleep that night.

„Do you know who that is?!“ Katherine whisper shouts, closing the door behind her. It startles me enough to turn around with a gasp, a hand over my chest.

„First: not cool! Second: who?“ I tap my foot as she approaches, nervously looking around.

„I googled him! It's Ethan Dolan, one of the most dangerous men in New York, possibly in the US.“ She speaks in a hush tone, folding her arms over he chest as she nibbles on her bottom lip.

„So? I don't care. My job is to make sure everyone has a fair trial and I'll do that, even for the most dangerous man in New York.“ I state, grabbing my phone to start making calls and get to the bottom of this case.

Sooner I'm done, sooner I can forget him. Even angels have wicked schemes and he's someone who takes devils to new extremes. It's best I'm far from the eye of that particular storm.

**

„You called, Miss Y/L/N?“ Ethan peaks inside my office, only a second after knocking.

I sigh, painting a smile on my face regardless of the disturbance. I had wished for a moment alone to collect myself and properly process the day's events. Ethan didn't know that, so he strolled right inside.

„I've made some calls and talked to a few friends in the force.“ I stand, ignoring the stinging pain shooting from my feet to my ankles, knees and back. Wearing heels all day is a form of torture.

I move in front of the desk and beside the chair Ethan had settled in. Leaning on the table, I fold my arms over my chest and look him directly in the eye.

„I've seen the evidence and it's circumstantial at best. The gun did have your fingerprints, however it's not registered to you. There was no DNA left on the scene, so your guys got that wrong.“ I list, unintentionally throwing in a jibe.

I realize what I said a moment too late. Ethan only clicks his tongue, almost entertained with my sharpness, but chooses to remain silent.

„I've found some things that just don't add up. They didn't use the usual coroner, the body itself might not have been examined right so I petitioned for an autopsy done by a trusted pathologist. They built the entire case on the premise you usually are at the docs at the same time every week and of course, the gun which we can always argue was stolen. I've already gotten a court order to get any video surveillance from the area to prove you didn't come to the docs that night at all, but it will give us a chance to see who did.“ My voice is tired and slightly strained, as if I'm going through motions. I know I'm doing a bad job covering it, which means he might pick up on it.

The way he holds my gaze, I know he's a perceptive man. He's someone who needs to be a good judge of character, to read people quickly and determine if that person is trustworthy or not.

But, so am I.

For some odd reason, I trust him. I believe him and I will defend him. It's ridiculous because this might be the only crime he didn't commit, but I plan on doing my job regardless. I don't know this man, but I think...I think I shouldn't write him off as the bad guy straight away.

„I'm impressed, Miss Y/L/N.“ Ethan chimes in, pursing his lips and I have to force myself not to give into my mind's sudden want to study his lips. They may or may not have some kind of magical ability to make me question my sanity, but I will not be unprofessional and give into what might be a simple case of curiosity.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but I will not let it kill me.

„You seem to have a good handle on the case. However, I do have concerns.“ Ethan furrows his eyebrows, pushing them closer until a single vertical line appears between them. He puts his right, ringed index finger on his chin, lightly touching his bottom lip and cocks his head to the side.

„If you have concerns, I'm always here to help clear them.“ Though I sound overly nice and too eager to please, I have to remind myself this is my job and I'd be the same way with any client, not just Ethan.

But if that were true I'd address him as Mr. Dolan, even in my thoughts.

„Well, you're here way past working hours which is a double-edged blade...I'm grateful you're working overtime to clear my name, but if you overwork yourself this might end up backfiring. I can hear it in your voice. You are tired, Miss Y/L/N and I hope you take the rest of the night and enjoy yourself. I'd be willing to drive you home and even pay for dinner.“ Ethan slyly suggests and I scoff openly. I don't bother hiding my reaction from him this time around and I sense his demeanor change instantly.

„Did I insult you in any way?“ His jaw clenches, his eyes darkening and I step back shaking my head.

„I can't accept any gifts from clients and I definitely can't involve myself personally. It's unprofessional and I expect you to stop blurring the lines here.“ My tired tone has successfully transformed into a stern one, unforgiving and he knows it too.

Ethan stands, folding his arms over his chest and furrowing his eyebrows.

„I didn't intend to blur any lines, Miss Y/L/N. I only meant to make sure you get home safe and have a warm meal. I didn't suggest I'd be joining you.“ His response brings up a volcano inside my head, the heat rushing to my cheeks.

He was trying to be a decent human being and I just bombed his attempts.

„I'm sorry if I got the wrong impression. It's been a long day and I'll keep your concerns in mind. I still don't think anything you suggested would be appropriate, but I do thank you for it.“ I smile softly, hoping to soften his hardened face.

His left eye narrows ever so slightly, like he's sizing me up and determining if I'm worth the trouble or not. But then his face softens and his arms fall by his side as he takes a few sturdy steps towards me. His right hand clenches and relaxes before he pockets it.

„It's alright. Many get the wrong impression. I know the rumors they spread about me. I just hope you can look past them. I make a lot of questionable choices, some many deem immoral or illegal, but I'm not a bad person Miss Y/L/N. I'll be waiting for your next call.“ Ethan sighs, his face falling as he walks by me, our arms brushing against each other and for a moment, in that silence that followed, I swear I heard electricity cackle at contact.

**

It was supposed to be a relaxing night of drinking my favorite wine and watching the latest episodes of my favorite shows on Netflix. It was supposed to be that way, but it turned into anything but.

„Hello? Yes, this is she. HE WHAT? I'll be down as soon as possible.“

That's how I found myself running to my closet to put together a proper outfit as my client, Ethan Dolan, was arrested near the border with almost half a million dollars in his trunk.

I rushed to the station, immediately greeting the officer who gave me a call earlier. We dated briefly a couple of years ago when I was just a law student, but he's married now and I'm still married to my job. We remained friendly and he became my greatest asset in the police force.

„I'm here, you can let up on Mr. Dolan now.“ I smile at Duncan, turning on the charm. Sure he's married, but I know how to read people and Duncan never stopped feeling that attraction he had for me.

It never hurts to put on a nice show, does it?

„Don't worry Y/N. You have him properly trained. The boy barely said a word since we took him in. The only thing he did say is to call you and that's all. I'm surprised you took on such a case.“ Duncan leaned on his desk, his hands behind him for support as a fond smile appears on his face.

I return the smile, cautiously speaking.

„I'm a lawyer. Anyone with a check can hire me to defend them in court. Why not try a challenge?“ I wink at him, pointing to the hall.

„Room two?“ I question, already taking off.

I heard Duncan's footsteps behind me, rushing with his keys jiggling. He surpasses me, managing to unlock the door on the first try. I nod in acknowledgement, walking inside and he closes the door behind me.

„Sorry to wake you.“ Ethan plasters a fake smile on his face, one that didn't hold any charm, only venom. He's pissed.

„I was awake anyway. So...“ I approach the desk, sitting in my designated spot.

„Why take so much money and be so close to the border?“ I ask without beating around the bush. He'll either be honest with me or he'll lie through his teeth. Either way, I'll know the truth and I'll know if he and I will have a good collaboration during the case.

„I can't tell you.“ He says, averting his gaze from me for the first time since I've met him and if that's not alarming on its own, then the bruise forming around his left eye is.

„Who punched you?“ I put a little more pressure, getting a sigh from him.

„Doesn't matter. How much trouble did this get me?“ He counters my question with another of his own and it's my turn to sigh.

„I'm sure you're aware this looks like you're running.“

„BUT I'M NOT!“ Ethan shouts, his usually mellow and calm voice now echoing against the walls.

„Is everything alright in here?“ Duncan opens the door, looking to me for answers. I just nod, letting him know I'm fine.

„I know you weren't running.“ I say quietly, just enough so he can hear me. For the first time ever, I see his poker face dissolve and shock register on his face.

„You do?“ His voice is quiet, but his tone is higher as the surprise passes to his vocal chords as well.

„Yes. You're not that stupid. If you wanted to run you'd probably take a jet and you wouldn't carry that much cash on you. You'd put it in an offshore account. You also wouldn't run when the crime you're being framed for is clearly not your fault.“ I list all the reasons I believe him to be innocent, each of the reasons making his initial hostility disappear and be replaced with awe.

„You're a genius.“ He whispers, his lips remaining parted.

„I just know your way of thinking. I also got more info on the body and I'm sure we can raise enough reasonable doubt for the jury to make the right decision. Ideally, we would have avoided this entire mess of a trial and I would have had the charges dropped, but this arrest made sure we'd see a trial. I'll try to get you out, but you'll have to stay tonight.“ I rest my elbow on the table, using my right hand to rest my head on it.

„You're tired again.“ He states matter-of-factually and I let a smile pass my lips. A true smile, one unadulterated and free of stiffness it's usually accompanied by.

„And orange is not your colour.“ I throw a remark his way, one that widens his eyes and pushes a chuckle past his lips.

„I think I pull it off!“ Ethan's cheery tone isn't lost on me, but I find myself melting in the vibrations his chuckle created inside my heart.

A smile remains on his lips, one I'd usually try to ignore, but I can't. Not anymore. Smiles are supposed to be soft and inviting, but his is charming and deadly. I used to think there is nothing more dangerous than a man with charm until I met him. Ethan’s smile has daggers in it, ones who aim to kill.

Is it so wrong I am a willing victim?

„Keep telling that to yourself, big guy.“ I chuckle too, standing up. I am tired, exhausted even. But I have a job to do and that's to make sure this guy never wears orange again.

„Sleep well, Miss Y/L/N.“ Ethan says fondly and I stop to look at him.

„Don't get yourself killed, Ethan.“ I accidentally say his first name, mentally kicking myself over it immediately. But then his killer smile makes yet another appearance this night and I don't feel so guilty about it anymore.

**

„So I called in a favor and we have a judge willing to listen today. All you have to do is say you're not guilty and let me handle the rest. Okay?“ I know I'm not supposed to coach him, but Duncan was kind enough to let me in for a single minute and I wasn't going to waste it. Ethan nods, quickly following after me and into the patrol car that's taking us to the courthouse.

**

„Not guilty.“ Ethan says just as I asked him to and I hold back a smile.

„As you can tell, my client here only moved his assets to the bank nearest to him. He had no alcohol in his blood at the moment of the arrest. He had no weapon and he definitely hadn't committed a crime. He's a rich man, your honor. If we arrested every wealthy person in New York for handling their own money, we'd need bigger prisons.“ I know the DA had already included the murder charges into the case, using this arrest as a steppingstone to charge him officially.

My goal is to get him out of prison and quickly, because he promised me to survive the night and not cause trouble, but I can tell by the bruises on his face, new ones forming, he had tried his best to do as I asked him to.

„You realize there's more charges brought up against your client?“ The judge raises an eyebrow and I nod.

„I am aware. However, that deserves a trial of its own and I'd prefer my client to wait for that trial in the safety of his own home. One look at Mr. Dolan will tell you exactly why. I'd like him to live to see the trial, your honor.“ I know this argument is compelling, especially because gang bosses rarely survive till trial and the media would be all over the court if Ethan died in jail because they were too stubborn to let him out.

„Fine. Mr. Dolan, until trial you will remain in house arrest with an ankle monitor to make sure you stay put. I also demand you leave your passport before we release you. Bail is set for a 500 000 dollars.“ Judge is about to use her gabble when I stop her, interjecting.

„If I may?“ I can tell the judge is annoyed, but she allows it.

„If the DA is alright with this, I'd like to speed this process up. I'm sure you'd like to wrap the case before the media gets in on it and sooner we get this done the less coverage it will get. Considering the new evidence I left for you this morning, you'll see a lot of bad police-work is involved and I'm sure we'd like to keep that on the down-low?“ I say coyly, looking to the DA and the judge who just furrows her brows.

„You do realize that means picking out a jury that might not be very open to sympathize with your client?“

„Only if he's guilty, your honor.“

„Fine. Jury selection in a week. Now get out of my courtroom.“ She hits the gabble, ending the torture for Ethan for now.

**

„You're really good.“ His hand brushes against mine as we move toward the patrol car.

„I know.“ I smile, nudging him.

„I'll be down to see you next week, okay? I'll have to set up office in your house for convenience. It will help us work faster and more efficiently, get it all done on time. Is that okay?“ I take out my phone to check the address. He lives upstate, while my office is in the middle of the city. It would take too long to travel back and forth, losing us precious time and I needed his input while I worked on the case.

„Of course. You're always welcome to stay, Miss Y/L/N.“ Duncan is the one that pushes his head down and forces him in the car, closing the door behind him. I notice the glare Ethan sends his way, just as I notice how his eyes soften when he looks at me.

„I'll set up his ankle bracelet.“ He states and I wrap my arms around myself for additional warmth as the cold September air begins to chill me to my core.

„Great. Thanks Duncan.“ I give him a small wave, feeling Ethan's piercing gaze on me the entire time.

I watch the car as it drives away, hoping I can get this case done quickly and quietly, ensuring myself a partner spot if I win. I've already had a good two months behind me.

It's been tiring, but I'm determined to win. For myself and for...for Ethan.

**

„You call this house arrest?“ I looked around, twirling in the foyer in shock.

„I've been going stir crazy. Tell me we can get this whole case over soon.“ Ethan walked down the stairs in a pair of shorts, ones that revealed numerous tattoos tainting his skin.

„You do realize a trial can't be over in a blink of an eye. We got you out quickly, but you'll have to deal with this mansion you have for a while longer. This is...this room alone is bigger than my whole apartment.“ I state, frowning and he chuckles.

„You're welcome to stay. I'll have them make you a bed. Loads of guest rooms to choose from.“ Ethan replies, winking and I roll my eyes at him.

„Oh, that's a first. You never rolled your eyes at me before. Are we becoming friends?“ He speaks fast, excitedly and I realize maybe he is going stir crazy.

„I roll my eyes at you all the time...In my head.“ I add the last bit, getting him to burst out laughing.

„That's a good one, Miss Y/L/N.“ Ethan points his right index finger at me, his booming laugh still bouncing off the walls.

„You can call me Y/N. We're not in the office anymore.“ I give him this little inch of ground, one single inch and yet I know he'll take a lot more than an inch.

„Awe, we are becoming friends Y/N!“ Ethan exclaims and I put my hands on my hips, looking up with lips pressed together.

I regret that decision already.

**

As months passed, I've gotten to know Ethan better than I thought I would.

I'd often catch him staring at me, even when he thought he was being stealthy. While he worked at his desk and made calls I pretended not to hear and held meetings I pretended not to acknowledge, I worked on his case in the same room.

I had a bulletin board, every single piece of evidence I could piece together on it and marked in order. I knew we had this in the bag as he'd say, but I needed to be prepared in case they had something new to present me with. I knew I'd have to look into the policemen who did the work as most things didn't make sense.

The footage showed a younger officer was on the job, a single cigarette bud left on the docks and it belonged to the same officer. Those same cigarettes were bought a block away.

Why would a cop be in a shady district he didn't belong in, buying cigarettes, smoking on docks? Why would he commission the autopsy be done by a different coroner?

Once I looked into his records, I found he had gotten his hands on a lot of money recently...Enough to buy a new apartment in Manhattan and a villa in Miami along with a yacht. No cop earns that amount of cash. I don't earn that amount of money!

I hired some help, a detective to follow the officer in question and he already acquired photos of him meeting suspicious men I didn't know.

„I know that one. It's Jacob. He's the head of a rival gang - Black mamba.“ Ethan stopped at my bulletin board, pensive.

„And they're your enemy, right?“ It's a rhetorical question, we both know it.

„Come with me. It's lunch time.“ Ethan takes my hand in his, startling me into a gasp. I don't pull away though, allowing him to guide me outside to the patio as he does every day now.

I know he's growing impatient, frustrated with his captivity and inability to be out there with his men. It's eating him alive that he can't be of help, that his people suffer the consequence.

„You never asked what it is that I really do.“ He states, taking a sip of his orange juice and I do the same, shrugging.

„It's not my business to poke my nose where it doesn't belong. My job is to get the charges dropped.“

„You're not curious at all?“ Ethan cocks his right eyebrow, swiping his tongue across his lower lip and if I wasn't seated already, I'd be swept off my feet for sure.

He has a way with words, his gestures always mean more. He is a charming man, one who is extremely intelligent and knows how to manipulate people to get what he wants. It's impressive how he works his magic on unsuspecting victims, but I knew how to fight him on it.

„I wouldn't say that. I just think you'd tell me if you wanted to. No pressure.“ I reply calmly, folding my hands in my lap as he leans into his seat.

„I'm not a criminal, Y/N.“ I'm still trying to get used to him calling me by my name. It rolls off his tongue like velvet, so smoothly and enriched with undefined emotion.

„I will admit to having a colorful past...I used to deal for money to get my dad proper treatment. But as time went on, I got enough money to buy my way to a better life. I own several hotels and clubs, most do have illegal casinos and fight clubs under, but we don't kill people. We don't allow for criminal activities. In fact, our policy is to let people have fun but not ruin their lives. I've always had a good relationship with the force and the city because of it before, but whoever is framing me had corrupted the police.“

„I killed someone.“ I stop his confession with one of my own. He stops talking, visibly curious and a little shaken up. To be honest, I'm not sure why I'm telling him this. It's crossing a boundary and I know once I do, the lines will no longer be blurred, they'll be erased. But I want him to know I'm not judging him. I know of his past, I just never told him I knew. I know he had a rough childhood...losing his mother and twin the same day he took his first breath. His dad being sick and his older sister taking it hard...He took care of them the best he could at the time. He did what he had to.

So, yes, I will let him know of my past if that means he can trust me. I want him to trust me.

„It wasn't intentional. Self defense and it happened while I was an undergrad student...My parents had always thought I'd marry their friends' son, Lewis. He was charming and could always convince the room he was right. He commanded respect and always seemed perfect...Until he tried to force himself on me. I pushed him off me before he could...“ I trail off, averting my gaze but before I know it, Ethan is crouching beside me, his hands taking my cold ones into his warmth.

„It's okay. You don't have to share anything more.“ He says softly, making me want to continue.

„He hit his head and it was instant death. My lawyer saved me from a lifetime in prison over a crime I didn't meant to commit. My parents cut me off after that and I had to work three times harder to get to where I am today as result. But I am proud to help others escape a fate I almost lived. I hope you know I'm not judging you, Ethan. I will get you out. I will.“

Ethan raises his hand, his fingers brushing my bottom lip gingerly and I hold my breath, refusing to move. My brain is screaming no, knowing this could get me disbarred, but I want to feel his lips so badly that I know should he make a move, I won't stop him.

„I know you will. And I promise to protect you during the process.“ He tugs at my bottom lip with his thumb before stepping back and I finally take a breath, letting out the pent up air flow freely.

That night, Ethan and I laid our souls bare in front of each other. He didn't spare any detail of his life, letting me in on the good, the bad, the ugly. And there was a lot more of the latter than I'd like to admit. But I understood him better, on a deeper level many would never.

Ethan soon began to notice things about me most people never knew. He knew how I take my coffee or if I need to be cut off. He knew when to make me take a break, because my eye would start twitching like I'm possessed. He knew when I'm too tired to make the drive back to the city and made me sleep in one of his guest rooms. He knew which pizza I liked and when I craved it. Hell, I think he even figured out my menstrual cycle as pads and tampons mysteriously appeared in the house a few days before I was meant to start my period.

It was both comforting and infuriating. Mostly because I had come to know the same about him.

He likes his coffee black (as he often jokes is his soul), just like he likes dairy free pineapple pizza we always argue over; I think it should be illegal and he disagrees. He likes to have a sip of whisky before bed to relax his mind, but he also likes a glass of wine with dinner. His favorite car is a Jeep and his favorite hotel is the one he owns in Hawaii. He loves to travel, but is a workaholic. He loves to goof around and yet, his work ethic is flawless. Ethan is creative, even if he hides that side of him. He isn't a playboy as many would believe for he made sure I knew the name of every girl he came in contact whenever I'd see him with one. I never asked him to provide that information, but he was adamant. Ethan likes yellow, although I could argue that's an understatement. His entire mansion is woven in golden colors intertwining with black undertones. Hell, even his socks are yellow if his outfit is black. I find it to be a true testament to his character – despite the darkness looming within, Ethan is the epitome of sunshine.

I've come to see a different side to him, one that had nothing to do with his occupation. When he's focused on work, Ethan is serious incorporated, but a moment away from the job, his true colors shine through and a goofy persona takes over – a man that is loving, kind and accepting. He's open to new things, experiences and people, never backing down from a challenge.

In all the time we spent together I have come to a conclusion: Ethan Dolan is not a bad guy, only a good guy that was put in a series of bad situations and he did the best he could with what he was given.

**

„Are you okay?“ Ethan speaks, breaking the veil of silence that had lingered in his study for hours. I stood before my bulletin board, aware that no matter what happens I'll make a lot of enemies once this case is over. The corruption ran deep and once I exposed corrupt cops, those above them – the very men that paid them to do their biding, those men will be coming for me. It's potentially a very dangerous endeavor and I've become far too aware of it as of late.

I always have a feeling someone's following me and no, this isn't just a woman's instinct. It's not about me walking home alone in the dark nor about the fact that I keep seeing the same man in my close proximity every day. It's about what Ethan told me only a month into this case.

„You're about to make a lot of dangerous people very angry, Miss Y/L/N. I'll understand if you choose to step down.“

„I'm aware of the risk it brings, but I cannot allow these men to continue obstructing justice. I have to believe things will work out for the better.“

„At least allow some of my men to accompany you.“ Ethan pressed, but I waved him off.

„I'm fine on my own. But thank you for the offer.“

I'm not sure I made the best choice, but a choice was made and I don't have a chance to start again. Either way, most my time is spent in his mansion as the case goes to trial tomorrow and we will either win or lose...whatever happens, we will do this together.

„I'm fine, Mr. Dolan. You should get some rest.“ I mumble, barely keeping my words and thoughts coherent. I stare at the board pensively, feeling him coming closer without having to look back. I can feel his presence, even when I'm on the other side of the room. I'm not a firm believer in auras, but if they are real, his is incredibly powerful and magnetic, alluring to the point of hopelessness sinking in when I try to fight it.

Working side by side with a man you're attracted to, not only physically but mentally as well...I'd call it torture. All I want is to press my lips against his, close my eyes and take it in. I'd be willing to let all my previously established beliefs burn to the ground, all for a single kiss and I'm barely holding onto who I was before I met him as it is.

„Ouch...Mr. Dolan. Back to that, huh?“ Ethan's voice is low and somehow still cheery. While he keeps his tone down, the emotion in his voice is palpable.

I think he feels it too.

Sighing, my right hand moves across my abdomen and clasps my left elbow. Turning around, first thing I see is his gold chain and it's much closer than I initially realized. He is so close I'm afraid he can hear my heart beating out my chest.

„Sorry, Ethan. I'm just tired.“ I emphasize his name, hoping it lessens the professional tone that had taken over me.

It's a constant fight really, the lawyer vs. the girl.

„Here's a crazy thought, maybe you should rest too.“ His tone is light and sweet, his arms moving up. With his right hand, he gently tilts my chin up to connect his gaze to mine. With his left hand he strokes my right arm, so tenderly I'm unsure if it's his touch or just a ghost of his touch I feel.

„You're right.“ I whisper, eyes flickering to his lips for a moment and they curl at the corners, forming an impish smile.

„Always am.“ He speaks, wetting his bottom lip. Ethan blinks slowly, reminding me of a cat that's expressing affection. He'd probably cackle if he knew I compared him to a cat, insisting he's a lion and anything but domesticated all the while not realizing he is both wild and domestic, a perfect combination of an adventurous dreamer and a professional realist.

The tip of his index finger remains on my chin a while longer, making me hyper-aware of the closeness between us. I feel my lips tingle, parting in need and his follow suit. Faint smell of whiskey hits me, but I don't find it foul nor do I step back.

Reluctantly, I put my hands on his shoulders and push myself to look into his eyes. In this moment they're anything but ordinary. His eyes are alight with desire and craving he'd been suppressing for a long time, the earthly tones twirling in a pool of lake green until they're hazel instead of his usual brown.

I liked the brown, they comforted me. But the hazel intoxicated me, captivated me.

„You know we can't.“ I whisper the last words my sanity had to offer, hating myself for even thinking about anything except his lips in this moment.

In that split second before his touch every nerve in my body and brain is electrified. It's the anticipation of being together in a way that's more than words, in a way that's so completely tangible.

Ethan leans in, his forehead resting on mine and the tip of his nose brushing against mine. My left hand moves around his shoulder and to the back of his head, fingers grasping at the short hair. He's breathing heavily, his eyes closed. And so I allow myself the comfort of closing my eyes as well. My right hand drifts down his collarbone and to his chest, stopping right where his thundering heart wildly fought the bony confines that kept it in place.

„Once this case is over, I plan on wooing you Miss Y/L/N.“ Ethan speaks suddenly, voice strained and yet filled with determination.

„I'm going to woo you so hard you won't remember why you ever fought this attraction in the first place. Your head will only think of me, your heart will only beat for me. You will crave every moment of your life is spent by my side and you will remember this sweet torture as time wasted...time you could have spent in my arms, in my embrace.“

God he has a way with words and I know I was right...he's a charming man, one I already want in my life, my bed and he knows that too. But he respects me enough to allow me to be who I am, a lawyer who values her principles. A person who never jumps head first, but dips her toes and slowly submerges. A person that measures five times before cutting and a person who needs to be absolutely certain before taking a step further.

It only makes me care for him more.

Painfully slow, Ethan moves back and away from me, walking to the door before casting me a look.

„Goodnight and good luck. I believe in you.“

Fuck, I want him so bad in every way possible.

**

A tight squeeze of his hand in mine is all I need to breathe properly again. The closer we are to the courthouse, the more press you see. Today the jury will be presented with all the evidence and hear my final argument why Ethan Dolan should be allowed to walk out a free man. Today is what the past ten months have all lead to – the intrigue, the longing, the emotional vulnerability we both shared. It comes down to this single day.

„Whatever happens, know that I am grateful for everything you've done for me.“ Ethan gives me a reassuring smile, one I barely return but I make the effort...For him.

The car stops and our hands part, no longer intertwined, no longer comforting.

We manage to get through the crowd, walking inside with a minute to spare. Once inside, we were no longer Ethan and Y/N, but a client with his lawyer.

I presented the findings, the photos, the connections and bank accounts of the officer who tampered with evidence and of course, my own coroner who served as an expert witness...Even Duncan agreed to testify for Ethan and against the cop who clearly sold his soul to the devil.

Expedited trials are always draining, some more than others, but this took a toll on me. Mostly because I couldn't deny a personal involvement.

„The jury will now retire to deliberate. Once they reach a decision, we will call you back.“

The gabble hit and I turned to leave, knowing Ethan is close behind. I kept a stoic face for the crowd, but the moment we walked into a private conference room, I turned around and slammed my body against his, practically jumping in his arms. My arms wrapped around him tightly as did his, sharing a bone crushing hug we both needed. I could feel him shake in my embrace, but so did I.

„You did great.“ He mumbles in my hair, making my heart skip a beat at the sound of his voice.

Ethan sets me down on my feet and I straighten my outfit, dragging my sweaty palms over the fabric to smooth out any wrinkles.

„Now we wait.“ I smile, trying to hide how anxious I am.

We sat in that room for hours, both bouncing our legs and hands, talking about the most ridiculous things either of us could think of. It's how I discovered he was a conspiracy theory enthusiast...ironically he is a part of one now.

„They've reached a decision.“ I look at my phone, my smile falling and I feel myself paling. If I'm this nervous, I can only imagine how he feels. I stand, quickly walking over to him and cup his face. I look into his eyes, trying to find courage to tell him what lies in my heart, but I fail to do so. The words simply won't form. The decision was made quickly which can go both ways: good for us or bad...very bad.

Instead of speaking, we share this one last look and leave the room as we came in – two people who have everything to lose.

If the charges are dropped, I promised myself to let myself love him. I promised to give him my all, even if it hurts. He makes me want to dive in, head first and for that I know I will not change my mind.

We sit, remaining silent as we can be while the room fills with quiet whispers and predictions of the outcome. The air is so brittle it could snap, and if it doesn't, I might. In seconds we will know, we will cheer the roof right off or pain will engulf us entirely.

My mind is closed to all outside influences as I stand, focusing only on the jury entering and the paper with their decision being passed to the judge. I can see, but the sound is off, the only sound being my frightened heart inside my chest.

„Not guilty.“ That's all I hear.  

Next thing I know I'm engulfed in Ethan's arms, swayed left-right as a heavy sigh passes my lips and is absorbed by his well tailored suit. I allow myself a few seconds longer in his embrace, knowing any longer would be suspicious and the last thing we need now is doubt.

The very moment we part, a single step away, that's when a loud shot sounds in the courtroom and panic settles in.

I find myself on my knees, hearing screams around me and numerous shots fired right after.

Heart pounding in my ears and chest, I find my breath halt in my throat. A hand covers my mouth, pulling me closer and I find myself unable to fight. Back against a firm chest, another arm wrapping around my waist, my wide eyes look around in panic as my first exhale fights its way to my nose. It clears my mind just enough to stop the lingering scream deep within my being from forming, just enough to recognize the smell that fills my nostrils. I know that smell, the expensive cologne that intoxicated me for the better part of the year.

It's him.

„Stay down and be quiet. Can you do that for me?“ He whispers in my ear, bringing about a chill that spreads down my back and takes over my entire body.

I nod, shakily turning to glance at him. If I were to die, I wanted his face to be the last thing I see.

Even if it is his fault I am in this position.

Ethan reaches out under the bench, grabbing a gun the guard held in his unmoving, blood splattered hand. Retreating, Ethan takes in a couple of quick breaths before turning to me with a faint smile.

He peaks over the wooden bench behind us, exhaling loudly in relief.

„Come on.“ He grabs my elbow, pulling me up to my feet. Swiftly, his left arm tucks me in his side, his left hand resting on my waist. He looks around carefully, slowly moving forward.

I can feel his heart beating violently fast, matching my shallow breathing. I hold onto him, trusting he'll lead me out safely. I had no doubt in my mind Ethan would protect me just as he promised. I can feel the fear in my chest waiting to take over. It sits there like an angry ball propelling me towards an anxiety I just don't need in this moment for it could be deadly.

„Y/N, are you listening to me?“ Ethan whispers, shaking me lightly to get my attention. I look up with eyes wide, seeing a flash of worry and anger mix in his brown eyes. But there's something else I see...

Fear.

I have never seen Ethan so afraid and I don't think it's his life he fears for.

„Yes.“ I whisper back, my lips quivering as my chin trembles in my own fear that I couldn't hide. Fear for myself...fear for him.

„When I tell you to run, you run. Do you understand me?“ Ethan speaks in a rushed manor, his words clear, but his command isn't.

„You want me to leave you?“ I ask incredulously.

„I want you to do as I asked and run. Okay? Don't look back, don't come back, don't do anything that will put you in danger.“ Ethan lists, cupping my face quickly before pulling us behind a pillar.

I can hear the sirens wailing outside, meaning more police, more help is on the way. Outside is safe, inside isn't. So why is Ethan insisting I run and he stays?

„I can't leave you.“ My voice cracks, even in a whisper. I feel the oncoming tears put pressure in my eyes, trying to blur my vision.

„You can.“ Ethan's tone shifts, becoming sharp and it's clear he's not negotiating with me. Not anymore.

„Do this for me, please. You saved this villain's soul, now let me save your life. It's my fault it's in danger anyway.“ His left eye narrows ever so slightly, almost like an involuntary twitch as his gaze focuses on my face. It feels as if he's studying every line of my face one last time, hoping the image of it stays with him.

„You were never the villain of my story, Ethan. Quite the opposite...You're the main protagonist and you have a role to play still. I'm begging you to come with me. Don't go chasing death when I need you.“ I'm pleading, praying he sees just how strongly I feel for him.

I never loved someone as I loved him. I know now love is more than just a physical intimacy, but a deep need to keep your lover safe. It's about building each other up, growing together and becoming better versions of yourself with someone's guidance. It's more than saying I love you, but showing it.

Ethan never said the words, but I knew. I knew whenever I'd wake up wrapped in two extra blankets in the morning or when he'd try to cook even if he burned everything, even water. I knew when he took my hand in his and kissed it softly, but never when I was awake. His respect for me was deep, so deep he never tried to steal a kiss.

I knew.

„I'll come back to you. I promise.“ Ethan smiled softly, pecking my forehead quickly before moving away from me and away from the protective pillar we hid behind.

„Run Y/N.“ He says sternly and I stumble back, my heart caught in my throat as I see a man on the other side of the long hall slowly approaching us, a man I recognize as Jacob.

„Y/N, please.“ Ethan begs and despite my heart screaming to remain by his side, I do as he asks and bolt for the front entrance. My heels click with each step, echoing in the empty hall. Reaching the door, out of breath and with a heart bleeding for the man left behind, I whip around and cast a look toward him.

Ethan stands calmly, his gun pointed toward Jacob who has his gun up as well. I can hear them talking, but my brain fails to process a single word as I'm grabbed and pulled outside by armed forces, screaming and kicking.

„You have to help him! Please!“ I shout, shaking the man who grabbed me and I quickly recognize it's Duncan.

„They can't enter because there are hostages. Y/N, you know the protocol.“ Duncan tries to reason with me, but the panic inside me rises to critical levels, breaking open every wall I've built to keep my emotions in check.

Gripping my hair at the root, I feel as if the world is spinning around me. I look to Duncan's gun, contemplating taking it and rushing back in.

„Just a little higher.“ Ethan adjusts my stance, his hands serving as support for my own as I clutch the gun in my grasp. His voice rings inside my head as his breath tickles my ear enough to distract me. I take a deep breath, heading his warnings and taking in consideration all the instructions before pulling the trigger.

„I hit the target?!“ I exclaim in question, shocked I have it in me. Jumping, I turn to Ethan who quickly takes the gun from me and puts the safety back on.

„New rule! No jumping with guns!“

I could do it. I could take the gun and if nothing, it will be a good distraction for Ethan to act fast. But it could backfire for it will distract him too.

Shaking my head, I decide to go for it.

In the same moment another shot goes off and I'm petrified, frozen solid with the ice spreading through my veins. I want to move, to run inside or scream and cry, but I can't. I'm stuck staring at the door with a large lump growing bigger inside my throat. I can hardly breathe, my entire body shaking, mind losing focus and time slowing down. I feel as if I'm going to pass out.

And I do.

**

Do you know that feeling where you're convinced your eyelids have turned into led because it's incredibly hard to even begin the process of opening your eyes? A single blink feels like lifting a stone from your eye and your mind just wants to give up, let the weight win and rest for a while longer.

„Y/N, please. I need you to come back to me. I kept my promise.“

I don't have the luxury to rest for a while longer. Not when I hear his mellow voice and the hurt laced in it. I can't rest peacefully when he's calling for me, not even for a moment.

Blinking my eyes open, I groan audibly and enough for his eyes to snap open too and his lips to form a smile I thought I'd never see again. When that shot sounded, I was sure he was gone for good. I was sure I had lost him.

So, how come I'm the one in a hospital bed?

„Why am I?“ Is all I can say, my sandy throat stopping all other words in my throat and I realize I'm parched.

Ethan brings a cup of water to my lips, helping me take a sip to soothe the scratchy feeling.

„You, uh...Jacob was a distraction. You were the target and one of the corrupt cops took a shot at you. A sniper got Jacob, so he's no longer a problem for us.“ I furrow my brows, trying to sit up in my haze. Ethan pushes me down gently and with little to no force as I am too weak to fight him.

„Duncan managed to tackle the guy, but the bullet still hit you. It severed your femoral artery and you lost a lot of blood, but you'll be fine.“ Ethan puts his right palm on my forehead, slowly gliding back and pushing my hair away from my face as my heart flutters.

„Should have stayed with you.“ I state, giving him a half smile.

„I wish I could have protected you. I feel as if I failed you.“ Ethan's head hangs low, but I shake my head a little too fast, finding myself lightheaded even in bed.

„You did great.“ I say the words he usually says to me.

„And I love you for it. In fact, I love you.“ I know it's the narcotics speaking, removing my filter entirely. I wanted to tell him that, but not today and not like this. It was supposed to be more romantic and yet, it brought a smile on his face. A real, genuine smile I'd die to keep steady.

„I love you too.“ Ethan doesn't hesitate to reciprocate, leaning in slowly only to leave a peck on my cheek as I fall asleep.

**

The recovery went well, no hiccups and I was soon released, staying at Ethan's until I was well enough. He took care of me to the best of his ability, hiring help for things he couldn't help me with. He never left my side though. It was his hand in mine and I never wanted to leave. Not ever.

So I didn't. I moved in, or should I say he did. His men did all the work and I just relaxed in bed, healing. We put the romance on hold until I was well enough, focusing on a way to use Ethan's money and influence for something better – to help people in need.

I made partner too.

In the end, the romance part began once more and Ethan insisted I join him for an event.

„You really meant a ball?“ I chuckle, looking at Ethan with a wide smile who held my hand and helped me out the limo. Met gala is the event he chose to debut our relationship and a charity we started together to help troubled youth as he once was.

Sure he didn't completely leave his business, but he tried to keep himself on the right side of the law most of the time. Many didn't understand our relationship, because who the hell expects a gang leader to date the most famous criminal defense lawyer in the state, but that's just it – our love is unconventional, but it works.

I keep him straight and he reminds me to live and not bury myself in work. He is the one that gave me courage and taught me how to truly love and allow myself to be loved. I've seen him cry, I've seen him smile and I know his fears just as he knows mine. I've had doubts, but I love him and I know that with him beside me, life will be full of challenges we will survive together.

„You're my girl. I want to show you off.“ Ethan whispers in my ear as we pose, his lips brushing my cheek before he presses his lips firmly onto mine and I find the world melting away. His hand clasped gently into the back of my hair, pressing in softly. Though his lips are pretty, it is the feel of them that sends my mind into a sensual state of intoxication. They are softness, passion and the promise of the sweetness to come. We pull back and smile. I lay my head on his shoulder shyly and even though I’m still filled with the warmth from the kiss, I shiver. I shiver for he’s been patient with me so far and this is our first kiss as a couple. At first it was his desire for me to get better and be independent again. He wanted me to be in one piece before deciding if I want to be his girlfriend at all.

Little did he know I had made that choice long before I got shot.

„You cold?” he asks but doesn’t give me time to answer. He pulls his jacket off and drapes it over my shoulders.

The cameras around us are flashing, blinding us, but he holds my gaze and I feel safe. He always makes me feel safe, even when a crazy mobster wants to kills us, so this environment is much easier to relax in. The hollow human being I used to be is filled with so much love and stubborn hope for the future and it's all thanks to him.

Kissing my forehead, Ethan and I move ahead with hands clasped together.

„I love you.“ He whispers and I feel my cheeks darken with the heat his words caused. I don't think I'll ever get used to hearing that.

„I love you too.“ I whisper back as he pulls me into his chest and starts to dance like a loon.

„What are you doing?“ I question, swaying with him, giggling.

„Just wanna dance with my girl. Is that a crime?“ Ethan teases, smirking down at me and I purse my lips.

„You're in the clear for now, Mr. Dolan.“ With that, he captures my lips in yet another slow, passionate kiss.

There was a depth in the connection that I was unaware that existed until I fell head over heels with the purity of stillness that arises from living within the internal embrace of this present moment. I gazed upon every inch of my being through the eyes of unconditional compassion and love, feeling as though I’m seeing myself for the first time, finally, loving myself for the first time. It's the moment when you suddenly become whole. Sloppy, lip biting, smiling in between make out sessions. It's knowing everything about them, their goals, future dreams, and what they want to name their kids. It's being there even though it's a forbidden love, and enjoying every moment.

That's love...the real thing. We are people who love fiercely; we are passion and fire - sparks and energy to last a lifetime. I hold my fire for him, but it burns not only in my heart, but in my blood, so it’s there in every part of my being. No matter what happens next, no matter the choices we make, Ethan had become the hero of my story.

A/N - I’m not a lawyer obviously, so it’s not the most accurate thing I’ve ever written from a professional view. Hope you enjoyed it and if so, feedback is appreciated!

Part 2

Tags: @xalayx @fallinginlove-16 @accalialionheart @heeydolan @heyits-claire @notanotherdolantwinsblog

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