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jei-rifni · 11 months

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Whats this? I finally gave in and made a Destiny 2 DBH au? Yeah. I did. (Ima call it D2+DBH for short)

Bits of the designs (mostly Connor) are inspired by @ygreczed-3 ‘s TRGATSA au which I think is super cool (big fan of magic stuffs) thank you again for letting me use your design as inspo!

ANYWAY the idea is that everything is the same except the fact that Exos look like Androids. Exos creation by the darkness and Bray’s nonsense is still part of it (considering making Kamski as Bray, but i haven’t fully thought of it since who would be Elizabeth and all that yknow) so this au isnt very planned out yet, it was just mostly because I wanted to make Connor and Nines into some warlocks (I WILL MAKE MARKUS AND KARA AND THE WHOLE SHABANG LATER) so yeah the way Exos work in this is instead of just how fully and properly is in Destiny, Exos in this au work the same way as original, but they all have specific models instead of the different variety like in the game. So there would be lots of people who look the exact same because they are Exos, of course hair colour and eyes and such are different but overall theyre the same. So, say Kara right? AX400, thats one of the models, and thats what she looks like. Theres alot of other people who look like her, just like how in original DBH theres alot of her model. And the D2+DBH au Exo models, unlike the proper Destiny 2 Exos, were built with specific purposes, and Bray (Kamski..?) selected the person right before turning them into an Exo to see what model they’d fit best

Example, Kara was a simple woman who didnt come from a good family, so she left it to volunteer for Bray’s Exo experiment. Bray saw that she was nothing but a simple woman, and made her the average AX400 model. Simple. Just like her

Connor and Nines were friends when they both decided to volunteer for Bray’s experiment. They went by different names at the time, but neither of them in the present can remember anything. (Connor as a human being name Bryan would be kinda funny, and Nines would be Richard when he was human) Connor and Nines were part of the RK line, Bray made them specifically for helping humans with “detective” work and such so their pre-programmed minds are more intricate and aware, but with the Vex invasion at Bray’s Exoscience facility, they had to fight alongside Myrmidon’s, Trojan’s, TR400’s, TW400’s and WB400’s and a bunch of others as extra support. Hence why their numbers are 51 and 87. Thats alot of times to be reset. They remember nothing of their friendship. Or even eachothers existence. And when Connor woke up (previously 50, now awaken as 51) he was a guardian. Later on Nines will follow up and join the guardian crew (little funnies, Nine actually woke up as a guardian on his 86th reset, but he messed with some Fallen by accident and they learned to reset him, making him new again just as he was beginning to learn the light properly. His Ghost was not happy about it) Connor and Nines meet at the Tower and because theres not many RK models walking around (especially since most of them died during the multiple wars and their bodies were used up during the Vex attack at Bray’s facility) they easily noticed eachother like “oh my god, another me model, that’s something you dont see everyday” and it seemed they clicked easily like old friends. (I wonder why hmmmm)

Thats all I got for now. To the folks that know nothing of Destiny, or know nothing of Detroit Become Human, feel free to ask me. I know all i said probably sounded like nonsense to the other if you didnt know what even one side of the content was. Have a good day

I hope to be able to explain this better in the future, because this probably was frustrating for you to read with my bad explanation :(

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mcbeetlebeeb · 4 months

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I'm currently getting into a fandom that isn't homestuck, but I can't turn down a request :3

these will still be headcannons and- uhrm- yea

Gamzee Makara

He is, talking about some mystical shit dude

I think hed appreciate someone who just listens too him blabber

don't ask me why but he'd like to naw on you

not full fledged biting a chunk out of you

I think he's too aware of how sharp his teeth are to go biting down that hard, but yknow

nipping at you gently, but not before he was smothering you in sloppy clown kisses

this is real specific but I think hed have the type of eyes that you can't seem to keep eye contact with

he's just so much taller and just has this lopsided shiteating grin, that shows most of his sharp ass teeth

I'd like to think his eyes are always that half lidded gaze, especially when it's at you

but no intent behind the looks he gives, fuck- probably no thoughts either

lights on no one home

don't get me wrong, he's not dumb,

in the simplest sense hes a big ol airhead

yknow a dingbat, a bit of a scatterbrain

but he's not like- vegetable for a brain dumb as hell

and thats another thing, it's definitely really convincing to probably think that he's yknow, not all there

but it throws you off gaurd x2 when he'd get all close and murmur and mumble certain things too you

he looked like he had a maximum of 3 thoughts floating around in his brain

but here he is, mumbling in a low almost gravely tone, right by your ear

I love to think he's one of those tall people to rest his arm playfully on your head if your shorter, which you most likely are-

can't recall if I mentioned the last time sense I have a rubber ducky keeping track of my memory

but I think hed be cold all the time

not like, bothersomely fridged

but enough to make you shiver and squirm if he were to press his hand to your skin, noticeable enough for you to verbally go "Damn-"

also!! I think hed be a huge sucker for you just holding his face with your hands, letting him relax against you, eyes shut

still grinning a bit and letting that low rumbling purr come from him

and this also means playing with his hair,

pet him damn it he demands it

no, not really more like laying and being in your space, following you round until you pay attention properly too him

sense most trolls can't- yknow- go out in the middle of the day because of their intense asf sun, trolls are nocturnal

so like if you ever took a photo with him with flash his eyes would do that reflective thing that cats have

or for another example, yknow how in the dark the first thing you spot about your black cat is its eyes?

yeah that

like I said in the other headcannon thingy, he's just always lurking and looming, he likes knowing what your doing even if he's not involved

and this comes with him trailing around you like a dog that sees you have food and knows you'll give it too them at some point

wether it be from afar or close, don't assume he's not close by, him being a purple blood im sure he's well aware of how violent trolls can be,

but with you around! oh he can't let you wonder off too far- Alternia's atmosphere is dangerous and the fauna is even more dangerous-

so don't expect to go very far without him trailing behind you

but he'd understand if you explained too him you wanted time too yourself or with somebody else one on one

I dont think hed be a jealous person, maybe a lil possessive! but he's not overbearing with it

he just wants you safe and content, and he wants you too feel that way around him

have a song I think fits his uh? vibe towards? significant other? because 🎉

Dave Strider

mm have I said he's a genuinely a big goof?

but I think that'd be something someone gets right off the bat

maybe

if you can pick up on someone trailing off on tangents of meaningless words that can go on and on without someone actually ever responding

than it's pretty visable

I think itd be pretty adorable though (I know I'm gay, whatever)

like if he were to start talking about something, anything, and you gave a simple short response, he's gonna take that and run with it

especially if he likes you

I think hed definitely be one too stare

but how could you tell? he's always wearing those shades

probably a good reason why he wears them other than ironic purposes

so no one sees what or where or in this case who he's lookin at

constantly staring though, wether it's you having a conversation with you or, you doing something random he's just watching

no actual thoughts id like to say

just observing

watching you be you, do your own natural thing, picking up on the way you talk or gesture at stuff

I cannot urge this enough but I still firmly believe physical touch would be a very special thing too him

it's not impossible or looked down upon too be able to hold his hand or lean against him

but he'd be mentally noting each touch, each expression you make, listening intently too your tone, hoping your doing the same

but with these actions he'd be straight faced as always, but he can feel his hands tremble ever so slightly, he recognizes his heart beat picking up

unfamiliar with these feelings with how they're being presented yknow?

most times he ever feels this way he's in danger

but he knows he couldn't be safer right now, like he wants to believe that, it's not hard for him to believe it

but his body is just hardwired to tense up, clench his jaw and steady the shakey breathing

but being patient and respectful would melt those feelings away really easy I'd like too think

just sitting there and slowly showing affection, brushing thumbs against his knuckles, tracing over fingers

you focus on his hand, flipping it over and thumbing at his vaguely sweaty palm, hand still shaking faintly in your gentle grasp

he'd just stare at you, in disbelief and adoration, and realization that he doesnt need to be poker faced round you

that he doesnt need to put up a front to protect himself, the squishy parts of him he learned to shove away to get along with life

a big sigh of relief to say the least,

but once he realizes he doesn't need to be someone else for you, he can just be him, no expectations or demands, he can rely on someone else for once

you ain't ever gettin rid of him after that, he's not clingy but he's no longer keeping you at arms length, not now, not ever again

AND HE GETS MUSIC THING because he is my favorite right next too the crab man <3

author note: I feel this sucked a big booty buttload but I was already half way done with it when I dubbed it that, so have this anyway!!!

#Spotify #dave strider #spotify #gamzee makara x reader #dave strider x reader #homestuck #x reader #gay people #very fruity

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hypogryffin · 7 months

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genuinely curious by what you mean by "jewish (factual)" in your tier list. i can assume for a couple what you mean (sophia as an example) but i dont see how the others could be like jewish-coded! interested in hearing your thoughts

link to the first post for claritys sake, but this is the tier in question:

ok so for clarification: i made the tier list a little while ago and then scheduled it for later to keep uploads consistent, something i usually do all the time but am not for this discussion for now. this means that by the day the tier list posted, i was already a few weeks or so divorced from the actual creation of it, so some of my opinions have changed (as i said in the og post, i was unsure on a good portion of the characters even when i first queued the list), and some of my reasonings behind placements have been lost to time and my silly little goldfish memory.

bc of this, as of now as im trying to find a distinct line between "jewish (factual)" and "jewish (based on vibes)", the criteria for "factual" is sort of murky. some placements in the category were serious, but a lot of them were also entirely for joking reasons, and i had moved on as soon as i was done laughing to myself without coming back to it.

all this is to say, i have no idea how to summarise it, so im going to explain everything i can remember about my thought process at the time so you can see where i was coming from.

SOPHIA:

yup 👍.

ok so for the uninformed, sophia is the name of a gnostic figure and the specifics change depending on the context of which ur referring to her in, but in judaism specifically sophia was given as a translated name for chokmah which is like a being thats like really important in kabbalah and considered like. this sort of i guess personification of divine wisdom?

anyways this is a concept that i doubt im anywhere near the first person to bring up, so im not gonna spend a lot of time on it like i will the things i havent heard other people talk about. like the whole "good friend of humanity" thing! judaism puts a lot of emphasis on kindness and care for other people and i think its important that thats so big for her character and for how jewish she can be read as. she is also jewish because i like her :^).

TATSUYA:

suffers endlessly because g-d hates *him*, specifically, and he hates g-d right back. jewish.

that was a joke. ok so right out the gate i think the whole "fighting hitler" aspect of IS should count for something during the discussion of which characters are jewish. like just putting that out there. anyways tatsuya is jewish because of eternal punishment. specifically, you know how hes like super into "atonement" and repentance? bro would really have benefited from going to a high holidays service lemme tell you. and he does it in a specific way thats like. his atonement is actively trying to repair what hes fixed right like hes not doing what hes doing to be redeemed, hes doing it because its his responsibility to fix whats been broken. i just idk how to explain it properly but thats a thought process your rabbi talks you through in jew school yknow?

also theres this thing called tikkun olam, which literally translates as "repairing the world". so it means more like. doing ur best as a citizen to improve community and country, or general social work. but just considering it as taking the literal translation, then its just like... yep. that sure is what hes doing isnt it

also, killed hitler. hashtag work

KATSUYA:

placed here mostly because being tatsuyas brother, theyd probably be at a similar "level" of religiosity. however there are some unique things i want to point out here;

katsuya like embodies the idea of "tzedek tzedek tirdof" like. its unfortunate hes a cop but for a cop hes a pretty good person? hes pretty uncompromising on right and wrong, and in a way that totally lines up w tzedek tzedek tirdof as its described in the torah.

extra emphasis on his compassion, as in theres like that core facet of judaism, the tikkun olam, where people have a moral obligation to help others; not just do good as oneself, but also stop other people from doing bad. that last bit doesnt really matter, cuz im bringing it up so i can talk about katsuya as a police officer to clear his dads name and try and ensure a better future for his brother. he gave up his dreams for them.

i mean, when i say "giving up his dreams", im kinda laughing to myself bc theres no way he ran it past his parents bc if he looked his jewish mother in the eye and said "i want to be a pastry chef" he would not make it out of the room alive. hed go "my dream is to become a pâtissier" and his mom would immediately be like "no its not its to be an accountant" and that would be the end of the discussion

also, i think he would make some of the best fucking challah in the world. hed make matzo ball soup that could make you jizz your pants just looking at it. look me in the eyes and tell me that he doesnt actually go nuts at rosh hashana when he gets to make the round challah with the raisins in it and stuff or whatever else. there is such a crystal clear vision in my mind of him rocking this apron my dad used to have that says "real men make latkes". it was pink and ugly as sin and i think it would be katsuyas most prized possession.

LABRYS:

her name is fucking labrys obviously shes a jewish lesbian. next.

/j i will actually talk about this. like not mentioning the only survivor of her upbringing, which isnt a one to one considering the death match portion of her backstory but still close enough to feel um. relavant to jewish culture. she acts very...stereotypically jewish?

its not entirely the accent, but it is...part of it. so like i know its like a new jersey accent and that the stereotype is new york, i guess? but im not american and i dont rlly know the difference. they look close enough to each other on a map tho so i think it counts

but also shes like kinda confrontational in a way i specifically associate with jewish people or jewish characters? like not really bitchy but argumentative right, shes got this really sarcastic or mocking sense of humour. and girl kvetches with the best of them.

(also, side note: since i made the original list, i found out that the voice actress for aegis in p3 reload, dawn m bennett, is actually jewish! if i were to remake the tier list, aegis would be moved up from "vibes" to "factual" because of this. mentioning that here because of the sister thing :).)

JOKER:

kills g-d which is the jewish dream. this is a another joke.

someone in the replies of the tier list said something abt a possible reason being that he has an "abrahamic figure" as his ult. persona, which could be a good point if satanael was actually an abrahamic figure! but it is not. like ok im not a history guy but satanael is a name used in the 2nd book of enoch, which arguably could be part of jewish "canon" (i know this is actually the term for it but fandom has rotted my brain and it sounds terminally online to use it in terms of real life religiosity) but most rabbis agree it like is not, and theyre kind of who im listening to on this, and quick google search says even in christianity, enoch is debatable? idk

so like satanael isnt in the torah. and if anyone says "oh its just like another name for satan so technically--" shut up i know. satan isnt real in the torah either. ok like "satan" is used as a term, but not as like the specific dude that like rules hell. hes just like at most a specific dude who is not a devil/cast from heaven or whatever, but instead is a lawyer. more often its a concept, something representative of like the urge to go against g-ds will or a kosher life, this "evil inclination" which everyone is born possessing and grapples with when trying to be a good person. NOT THE SAME AS THE CHRISTIAN SATAN. WHICH IS WHAT P5 WAS GOING FOR. SATAN IN JUDAISM IS NOT A "super demon lord" or whatever they call it in the text of the game

satanael isnt an abrahamic figure and i dont think satan is either cuz its so different between religions and honestly i think calling things abrahamic religions, at least w the context i hear of it, is like kind of a misnomer or just kind of generally misleading cuz judaism christianity and islam are all so different and if were talking about this i think whoever invented the term judeochristian should eat a sheet of glass for it because whenever i hear those terms its very clear the person saying it means just christianity but theyre trying to be inclusive without actually putting the work in and thats not the point of this.

ok if im honest, as i think abt it joker isnt like. really... super jewish, in a way that you can point out? its just like... this overall vibe im having trouble explaining which is probably also like super influenced by how much i like him. i want to say that this strict sense of right and wrong that remains uninfluenced by the rest of society is something that clearly creates or maybe just intensifies this like. empathy for other people that reminds me of this concept in judaism which i cant remember the hebrew name of rn but i think its most commonly translated to english as "lovingkindness", one word? or that the whole idea of the phantom thieves can be contributed to tikkun olam. but, on the other hand, even if lovingkindness is what i personally consider one of jokers core character traits, the other one is pure, blinding rage.

im not going to go super into it, because im a few years rusty of torah study bc its only really consistently done in my community for kids preparing for bnai mitzvah cuz of how few people we have in our congregation. but from what i remember, my interpretation of the exact limit between righteous and sinful anger is a bit more... lax than the average jew's, or at least the average rabbi's, meaning mine, lol. either way anger is almost always seen as sinful because its an emotion that can like. turn you from g-d, its the same thing that invokes that "evil inclination" we just talked abt. so, joker textually feels this rage that arsene, his other self, literally refers to as "sacrilegious", something that very clearly states that he is willing to *knowingly* commit sins for this rage and is perfectly capable of causing undue harm to others for it, which is exactly the reason why judaism warns of anger. this means jokers anger is distinctly against jewish teachings.

again, im really lax, my familys reform (/lh) and i think there are some parts of this characterisation that make me feel this rage is overall constructive, especially considering that is what feeds his constant practice of lovingkindness and tikkun olam, but it being such a huge facet of his personality (made worse bc as a silent protagonist, you really have to search to get away from this trait) brings him down on the Jew Scale(tm).

in short, now that im really discussing this id probably move him to incredibly jewish based on vibes or even to just "jewish" no further classification. but even w the undying sinful anger thing i cant not think of him as jewish and i dont think its just bc hes one of my favourite characters of all time.

also that hair texture looking really familiar is all🤔🤔. all im saying that is in the tutorial, instead of "frizzy hair", morgana deffo should have been calling them blondie and jewfro /j /j /j

EDIT AND JOKERS KITCHEN!! JOKERS KITCHEN!! FOOD AS A LOVE LANGUAGE!! IN P5 YOU MAKE FOOD FOR YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU PUT LOVE INTO IT

MORGANA:

i know i put morgana before joker in the tier but i think in order to rlly discuss morgana we needed joker first bc part of my reason for putting them in the same tier is because they really are a pair, do not separate.

anyways, morgana does have a lot of the same problems as joker when it comes to being difficult to pin down. his inclination to tikkun olam is similar, sort of even greater than jokers depending on personal characterisation of joker, but instead of this discrepancy of his jewishness being anger, the ethical conundrum with morgana is sort of. arrogance? like, i have trouble figuring out how to really put into words how i feel abt morganas "lovingkindness", because it is so hard to understand where hes at in terms of empathy?? like. fucking. idk hes definitely a very caring person but its not exactly like

ok i cant figure out how to say it moving on. i used the word arrogance even though i dont really think thats right, because morgana has never seemed haughty. his "arrogance" is really just him making up for an inferiority complex caused by the amnesia thing, its not as if he genuinely totally believes himself to be above the others. but like no matter what it stems from, the way he behaves and his personal pride hurts people. ie the okumura arc, or his entire relationship w ryuuji. he speaks ill of others, belittles them to bring himself up, etc. arrogance and excess pride is as condemned as anger in judaism if not moreso, since its even less useful/constructive to be "arrogant" than it is to be angry. OH ok so what i meant with the hard to figure out his empathy thing is this actually!! hes very caring and has a really notable respect for human life but its always at war with his need to prove himself, so even if when you think about it its like Oh Morgana Is A Really Caring Person, which makes sense because he was created from human desire and as such is really in touch with what people need, the desperation he has to be seen as "worthy" comes off as wanting to be seen as "above", even if it means trying to get the people around him as being considered "below" him.

tldr so if it was just those two traits i think id have to move morgana lower on the list, alongside joker.

HOWEVER. speaking directly to the other jews in the crowd, but morgana is totally textually a golem, right? like not exactly, obviously, but think about it. morganas a being of the velvet room because he was created from "the dregs of human hope" (canonical line from yaldaboath that i think about more than what can be considered healthy tbh), whose job is was and always will be to protect and guide the trickster and his community, the phantom thieves. hes a golem right? am i insane? am i seeing things? i dont care, im not giving up on this interpretation, so morgana is factually and canonically jewish cuz of it.

ZEN:

i do not remember.

as of today id probably move him to either jewish no other classification or not jewish. my b guys. anyways

JUN:

life is indescribable torment, and then hes also got additional, mostly unrelated, mommy issues. judaism 101.

also his suspenders when he was a kid are the most young jewish lad shit in the history of ever like i have seen that exact outfit on a young boy every time i go to temple, and each time it is a different kid

ok more seriously, i really do think juns story-- specifically his relationship with memory-- can easily be extracted into a jewish narrative. like nyarlathotep messed with his memories and convinced him that the other members of the masked circle killed maya right. and so the way he fanatically reminded himself of the past was a mix of trauma and active manipulation. but if i think abt it a certain way i also can see it as like. ok so in judaism memory is really important and like a lot of the time during for example passover, youre meant to refer to yourself as being a jew in egypt, saying "we" instead of "them" and such. but im specifically meaning how important memory/remembrance is in grieving. jun in his grief for mayas perceived death "kept her alive" in a way. she was never forgotten, and so she never died. even though the entire masked circle forgot, from trauma or fear or guilt or whatever, jun held on, remembering her, and so she survived. joker took peoples dreams but his actions also caused them to be completely be forgotten. they were alive, but they were robbed of their ability to be remembered at all, and so they were as good as dead even still breathing and talking.

retroactively, this idea enforces tatsuyas jewishness, considering the entire story of eternal punishment. he refused to forget the masked circle, even though it hurts.

anyways back to jun, i also think the whole repentance thing is important too. he hurt people in his anger and sorrow and spends the rest of his life (until the world is reset at least lol) atoning for his wrongdoings.

also, i know i said kid him is super jewish looking, but he has not gotten better as hes grown up. 17y.o him is exactly the guy your bubbe will pull up on facebook and be like "this is the grandson of my friend or whoever! you should go on a date with him, hes your age! he looks a bit gay but hes a very successful doctor! ...and hes JEWISH YAKNOW...." and ur like "ok bubbe"

ERIKO:

i actually do not recall exactly why she is in this tier specifically. the only thing i for sure remember was that i at least partially placed her here bc of her fascination with the occult.

HIKARI:

ok this one was kinda me goofing. its the whole extended family thing like whats more jewish than being actively discouraged from a creative career for something "safe" and "normal?" bro the aunt might as well have dropped the "being a doctor is very respectable" line in the song.

but like even without that, wanting to be a director or associated with film? hitting her with the jew beam. mazel tov babygirl.

#not art #asks & requests

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pumpkinsy0 · 8 months

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idk how to describe this post, but just describing characters psyche lol

darry,dally, and tim- they have little to no genuine support system and have to harbor everything they go through pretty much alone and bottle shit up cause growing up quickly sucks

tim- his parents werent rlly parents, so he had to emotionally mature fast and understand what they did wrong in life and in having kids so that he could better take care of angela and curly, he learns quickly that looking out for ur own blood can save ur skin more than yknow it, his parents arent around rlly anymore and he doesnt exactly know where they run off to even if they come back home for a few days but he knows theyll never learn that

angela- she canonically had a break down about her life being actual dogshit and bryon says that in the morning she’ll go back to her own stone cold strong self cause thats just the way she is, that's just the way she's learned to go through life

literally every singular one of the characters LMAOOO- its self explanatory HOWEVER i will highlight darry here

curly- faces a shit ton of oppression (even if u dont agree w him being queer hes still black to me but if u dont see him as black hes still a poc and a greaser) so hes just learned to do whatever he wants bc no matter what he does hes always gonna b judged so y not live life to the fullest and in a way that makes him happy, he’ll still be shunned, but at least he’ll be happy

tim- i cant properly find the words to explain it, but someone needs to check up on this nigga fr, a good portion of the neighborhood is religious, especially the older ppl yet they always judge him for one thing and another, nobody is rlly genuinely hoping (or in this case praying) he gets better

curly- shameless reminder that i ship purly, so I thought about curly saying this to pony for a sec cause i think cures that type guy to just explore the world any way he wants and he'll do anything to get someone to join him in on it

this is also for very obvious reason two bit, soda and if u squint, steve

darry- he cares for pony sm it comes off to pony that he doesnt care at all, pony needs his space to breathe and darry doesnt wanna let em go

the shepards but most particularly angela- for some reason she held her parents in a high light cause unlike some kids in the neighborhood they had them both, curly and tim knew this wasn't rlly the case very quickly and as angela grew up, bit by bit she knew what they meant and would lay or even cry in bed over it

TAKE AWAY THAT THESE R COUSINS PLS ONLY PAY ATTENTION TO THE WORDS THATS WHAT IM TRYNNA HIGHLIGHT HERE IM BEGGING U

purly- either way u chose who's who the other has always felt like they weighted other ppl down (for ponys case) or like theyre just to far gone to be helped (for curlys case), they still love each others company because they see the other as being worth it/deserving of it

however if u dont ship purly or can't get over em being cousins this is literally darry and pony or johnny and pony for like the same exact reason

#curly shepard #ponyboy curtis #purly #tim shepard #angela shepard #darry curtis #sodapop curtis #dallas winston #darrel curtis #two bit mathews #johnny cade #steve randle #the outsiders fandom #the outsiders hcs #the outsiders headcanons #the outsiders 1983

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alstroemerian-dragon · 9 months

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Hi I saw your tags on that hajihiko art and that bit about your fic sounds really interesting if you don’t mind I kinda wanna hear more if not then I’ll happily wait for the fic!

youve activated my trap card aka asking me to explain my thoughts !!!! this might get long

my fic is basically a long form. uh. character study? relationship study? thats pretty much just hajime and fuyuhiko having Very Intimate And Personal Conversations (Five Times!) over the first. year? post wake up. and in one of them they have a lengthy discussion about the whole concept of any of them having kids

because hiko is like. hiko is the kind of person who is Very Practical And Realistic (though some may say Pessimistic). and he is of the opinion that things can only be calm and good for so long before shit hits the fan again right? so, in that case, having children with them is only going to make things worse. first, putting kids into an actively dangerous situation is pretty high up in his List Of Terrible Fucking Things Someone Can Do (which is fair, because it is, but also because. Yknow. Personal Experience). second, children being with them is, from a purely practical standpoint, going to be a Huge amount of baggage if they ever need to Leave Right Now Very Quickly. kids are also an ENORMOUS weakness if the enemy ever discovers their existence. so in his mind, theyre a huge disadvantage and just generally a Terrible Fucking Idea.

weirdly enough, though, in the conversation, this is not his argument. because in the circumstances, theyre both kind of in a very vulnerable and open place for this conversation, and so he comes at it from an emotional standpoint. and fuyuhikos emotions around them having kids are complicated.

theres the guilt, right? theyre all classified as war criminals, basically, and are guilty of some of the most heinous acts known to man. they may be being left alone, and they may be repentant and in recovery NOW, but the effects of their actions are gonna be felt for a long time, probably decades. do they even deserve the joy of childcare? of having their own children and raising them and seeing them grow? additionally, they have no idea how long theyre gonna be stuck on those islands. maybe even forever. keeping their kids trapped there when they did nothing wrong aside from. well. Being The Kids Of The Remnants. is almost cruel, right? but if they dont want that, they basically have to give their kids up at some point, maybe even to the future foundation to be integrated into the new world. but when do you do that? when theyre babies, so they never know who their real parents are and never have to reckon with the impact they had on the world? or when theyre young adults, with the full knowledge of what their parents did and who they are, and that the world, which will definitely be utterly fucked for a long time even after the tragedy is officially classified as ‘over’ (whatever that means), will despise them just by virtue of who gave birth to them?

either way, theyre gonna lose their kids at some point. and thats going to hurt. not just the kids themselves, being thrust into a world like that, but the remnants too. those are their children.

fuyuhiko also just… has a lot of guilt and fear around having kids because of his upbringing. you cant tell me he isnt so afraid of turning into his parents, of endangering his own kids, of being too angry and too volatile and too broken to care for them properly. so in his mind, the only real fix to the situation is to just never have them in the first place.

but hajime… hajimes situation is a lot different. first off, in my funny little brain space hajime is very very much a trans man, and though his relationship with identity and gender specifically is very messy due to The Horrors, he clings to his identity as a man in the same way he clings to the name hajime hinata, as an anchor to stability and purpose. if he is hajime hinata, then he is also a man, because hajime hinata was one. this is of course a huge simplification and i could make a whole other post about hajimes fucked up gender shit but its NOT THIS ONE so were moving on. anyway, his relationship with having his own kids therefore is very complicated, as many trans men will tell you, and this is… complicated by another thing i wont go into because its very sad and not really the point and also kind of a spoiler. anyway.

but aside from just himself, hajime is also extremely practical. the difference between his practicality and fuyuhikos is that while fuyuhiko’s practicality is rooted in a childhood of danger and violence and ruthlessness, hajimes is rooted in analytics, because thats just the way his brain works now. numbers and percentages and chance. on top of that, though, what balances out that practicality is that in hajimes brain, one of the most important things about Being Human is Having Human Connections. its how he fights the boredom, fights off the constantly encroaching emptiness in the back of his head. people are complicated and messy and a lot more unpredictable than his izuru conditioning would have had him believe, and he revels in that, in understanding that people have habits and recognizable traits while also doing the weirdest shit possible when you least expect it. having human connections helps him feel human, helps him feel his emotions the most strongly, and he clings to that.

so he understands, on a very base level, why some of them would want children. he understands that a lot of them probably will when they wake up. he understands that they will all adore those kids when theyre born, that the fifteen of them will be a village, will do everything in their power to make sure those kids are happy and safe and understand the dangers of the world while not being subjected to the worst of it until theyre ready.

but hajime also understands philosophy and psychology on a very high level. because you know. the horrors. so he also can reckon with the fact that its not an easy question to answer. should they have kids? would it be ethical to have kids? they dont have an answer thats going to satisfy everyone. some of them are going to stubbornly insist none of them should. some of them are going to be desperate for them. some of them arent going to care. hes skilled in medical knowledge (again, the horrors), and if there are accidents they can be dealt with, but some people arent going to want that. he and/or mikan could probably handle childbirth, as long as theyre not actively in danger, but again, theres the question of whether they even should.

thats. the basis of their conversation. they dont end up with an answer, and i dont think i honestly have one either. could they potentially have children at some point in their lives? probably, yeah. but the logistics of that, of when they would, when the kids would leave, how they would be raised, is a lot more complicated than just ‘cute domestic childcare.’

BUT THATS. yeah. its really funny that this ended up so long because that conversation is maybe a whole 18% of the total length of that chapter and thats. being lax on what constitutes as ‘part of that conversation’ fjshfjsjfjjsjs. the thing about me is that i can not shut the fuck up to save my life, so they discuss like. SIX different topics in that conversation. it makes me very afraid that people wont be able to follow it or will get tired of all the dialogue but. Thats Just Something I Will Have To Deal With.

someday ill post this fucking fanfiction. im trying to get at least. four? of the chapters done before i start posting because i have a long history of starting to post chapters/segments of a fic only for my fixation to crumble and then i never finish it. im hoping building up engagement w this blog will help so people will talk to me and keep my writing lmao. im glad youre interested though!!!!!! ive put a lot of love into all the writing ive done for dr so far

#oh no i need an ask tag #uh. uh. fuck.#answering machine #gunfr0st #personal #meta #danganronpa #super danganronpa 2 #im so sorry if you expected a short or concise answer. i have worms. in my brain #and ethical dilemmas are like fucking catnip to me #make me go ‘oohoohoohoo for me?? for me you say????’ and then i write 30k words of characters talking about it #sorry it took me a bit to get to this i wrote out most of this when i first got this ask #and then i had to go shopping and take the husband to work etc etc #took a hot minute. thanks for ur patience!#crossing my fingers that the readmore works #oh shit i should probably. main tag this huh. i totally forgot about that

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strawberrybabydog · 2 years

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seeing as you've checked out another carrd on it, can you go through this disaster i keep seeing? das (dot) crd (dot) co

(link)

TLDR: it's not as terrible as i've seen in the past but it's still not great. most of the misinformation on here is fairly minimal but misinformation is still.. misinfo. so. yknow. some parts are Really Bad Though, wow.

as the last post, images will not be described because i don't have the alt text editor and i dont want this to look longer than it actually is cuz then people wont read it lolz. everything under the cut!

right off the bat they they that delusional attachment is a term for only psychotics to use because they don't know the difference between psychosis and delusions/use them interchangeably. it's an easy mistake to make, but also a very important one. by saying "delusional attachment" is psychotic-only, they completely exclude people living with delusional disorder (which yes is a psychotic disorder, but is not really psychosis and doesnt really make a person a psychotic. it's a grey area, basically.) which, delusional disordered-people make up a huge chunk of people experiencing delusions

also they keep saying "D/A is an alternative to identity delusion" which is something i've never actually heard of before, so i cant comment on it

i like that one of the first sentences you read confirms it's not medically recognized: this is a very annoying part of the discourse, where psychotics will criticize D/As for being bad because they... arent medically recognized? which is such a dumb point for so many reasons. TLDR, things exist before they're coined/recognized, thats the least of the reasons they're bad, & it's a sanist criticization to say "this isnt recognized therefore it is bad." also it's just overall a really pointless criticism. so yeah, good on them for shooting that down before it even begins lol

unsure why they also keep saying the "psychotic community" coined it when literally only 1 person coined it and it was meant to be for personal use (not wide-spread use.) it makes me wonder if the person who made this carrd is actually delusional themselves, because they seem to remove themselves from.. all of this. the way they word this also makes it seem like the entire psychotic community is on board with D/As when that's not true at all; i'd say like 70% of actuallypsychotics online are not fine with them at all.

they claim there's little-no information accessible about grandiose delusions... which isn't true. it's one of the most common delusions (because it's usually non-bizarre) you just need to Type Things In On Google about it first. i guess it makes sense that they don't know anything about grandiose delusions considering every delusional attachment(-aligned) person i have ever met or seen has 0 symptoms of grandiose behavior whatsoever, but self-DX as grandiose. i know why they think it's grandiose, but it's not actually. it's closer to be a DMS of the self, but that's not Officially a thing, so it's really just a bizarre/NS delusion revision: later in the carrd they clarify what grandiose delusions are (properly,) & explain that most D/As display grandiose behavior but i have literally not seen this a single time. i've never even seen anyone talk about it.

their information on psychosis itself seems all correct, but i think it would be far more useful for them to put information there on delusions instead of psychosis, given that D/As actually have nothing to do with psychosis (only delusions...) the way they do this implies that psychosis and delusions are interchangeable which isnt correct

cringe alert! DO NOT EVER ATTEMPT TO GIVE YOUR FRIENDS ANY FORM OF PSYCHIACTRIC TREATMENT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.

i dont care if they said it's fine. ITS NOT. you are not a professional, you are not their therapist. not only will this ruin your relationship with them, but you are likely to cause harm. the harm could be extreme and permanent. i cannot stress enough how much you should not ever fucking do this. psychiatrics help isn't "recommended" for treatment of delusions: it is literally necessary. yes its very unfortunate if treatment isn't accessible to someone, but that's not an excuse to play-pretend therapist.

ok but this implies it's medically recognized. it's not, u already said this - this is just confusing. D/As please god PLEASE leave delusional misidentification syndrome alone challenge

i do like that they mention alterhuman at the end. i do believe D/As are alterhuman more often than not, regardless of whatever their diagnosis or identity or whatever is

welp things were okay until they recommend and detail how to offer psychiatric treatment to your friends. if the person who wrote this carrd ever reads this, take that out immediately please oh my god. that is so dangerous. instead it should just say something like "if your delusion causes you harm, distance yourself and seek professional psychiatric help if available. do not attempt to treat yourself or your friends."

#not dog #delusional attachment #misinformation #asks #undescribed

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jupio · 1 year

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tl;dr my uni house sucks absolute fucking ass and its been building but one things happened today and it has. tipped me over the edge. so its either write it out or scream

i just want. one fucking week in this house where noone does anything that makes me want to beat the shit out of them

we had a couple silverfish earlier this week so i put my houseplants on a window sill in the shared hall outside my room because of the damp. this was 4 days ago and i havent watered them since so they should be bone dry.

last night i went to bed first but the other people who live here decided to stay up and get drunk

i got my plants back in today because there havent been anymore silverfish and went to water and prune them but when i leant in closer to the first one i noticed two things.

1. the soil was soaked through and messy 2. it fucking stank of piss

so yknow i dont want to jump to conclusions but what other fucking conclusions are there here. someone in this god fucking awful house thought it would be funny to take one of my plants and piss in it for fucking what??? for the laughs???

theyve poured wine on my dishes, they broke my kitchen scales, theyve screamed and tried to break and kick in my door at 4 in the morning when high on ket, theyve made fun of me to my face, theyve made fun of my hobbies, they make snide comments where i can tell i’m being made fun of but i cant work out what i’ve said wrong, theyve slammed doors at every hour of the fucking night for weeks, they scream up and down the stairs at 3am, they call me boring, they call me stupid and autistic and unfunny and bitchy and nit-picky and overly sensitive and i am so fucking SICK of trying to live here

every day i am masking so hard that i’m even more irritable and i go to bed exhausted and full of anxiety because i know!! i know everytime i leave a room they all look at each other like oh thank god ollie’s gone we can finally be offensive and i’m not sleeping properly, and i’m always on edge in my own home. i cant relax here ever

and idk. someone else might take this less seriously and brush it off. but i cant and i’m tired of trying to explain to them that maybe its funny to prank each other but when you fuck with my stuff it’s not funny, it completely derails my expectations of things and especially with adhd my reactions to things can be out of proportion. so its not funny at all. im just so angry that im shaking and i want to beat the shit out of someone. so no, i dont take well to it, and im not gonna laugh and deal with it, im gonna cry, and react like a kid. and then noone is having any fun because everyone acts like its so awkward that im upset when really they could just be normal fucking decent people and leave me the hell alone.

and now i have to try and deal with this and i have no fucking clue how im even meant to approach it. “hi guys, just wondering who pissed in my beloved trailing ivy? it was £25 so would love some financial compensation and also for you to hold still so i can break your fucking nose!”

i dont even know if i should just leave it because its just not worth it. i dont even care if im a pushover at this point i am so. tired. of trying to make them respect me as a person. thats what it feels like, it feels like they dont even see me as a person they just see me as a fucking circus freak.

the plants still in my room. i dont even know what to do with that. i dont want to touch it because just touching the pot made my hands smell. so just everytime i look up i get upset and scared and angry all over again because its right there. and im 90% sure i know who did it but if i confront him about it he’ll do that thing where people go cmon its just a joke why are you being so sensitive? jeez, lighten up its not a big deal and ill look stupid and sensitive and different like i always do

ive got 4 more months of living here and then i am fucking gone and i am never speaking to these people again.

#you know its bad if its getting me to re-consider moving back in with my parents #this is. a kinda long and very angry rant but honestly im shaking right now so its warranted #local old man #vent post

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cistranny · 1 year

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its kind of a mystery how exactly the saints are selected. poseidon's mariners seem to be born with the knowledge (as in, theyve always known they were destined to serve poseidon, and when they elevate their cosmo high enough they can go through with it) and like i said before the specters are the same people being revived over and over. saints, on the other hand, are completely unaware of what their destiny is until it gets to them. from what we know, it tends to happen when theyre kids and their cosmos become too strong for them to control and they end up either hurting themselves or someone else (see: shun ended up nearly killing a group of kids when he was 6 because his cosmo got too strong) and that ends up calling the attention of sanctuary, who sends agents to pick these kids up, explain to them whats going on and teach them how to properly control their power and give them cloths so that their bodies dont yknow Die because of the power stored there. cosmo seems to be very closely related to a person's emotions (see: when seiya gets really fucking angry, his cosmo takes a physical form, giving him pegasus wings) and certain emotions are considered to be dangerous for a saint to have. unbridled rage and hatred seem to be the most dangerous emotions a saint can feel (see: ikki's initial character arc where he was completely overcome by hatred and almost died for it). basically, while the mariners know about their fate, the saints do not and are plucked off the streets when they get sanctuary's attention. its uhhhh its fucked up but thats how it works ig

tbh if some guys tried 2 pick me up off the street and I was some rageful little child I would just kill those guys but maybe I'm too rageful

#asks #autism blast n all

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lunatic-fandom-space · 2 years

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Ughhhhhhhh I wanted to save this post for a lot later in my project but fuck it,I just started episode 4 which means that the jack the ripper arc is starting and boyyyyyy will I have a lot to say about that as far pronouns go

So yeah, this is Me Pointing Out The Use Of Formal And Informal Yous In The German Dub Of Black Butler part 3 (feat. Actual Explanations This Time woaaaa)

Okay, basically we have du, which is informal you and you use it for like, your peers I guess and people you know well

Then we have Sie, which is formal and you use it with people who have some kind of authority and/or power over you (employers n teachers n stuff like that) and with strangers or people you only want to maintain a 'professional' relationship to. Also, yeah you have to capitalize it when you write it down bc theres also sie as in, she and sie as in, they

Last but not least theres Euch, which you also have to capitalize. I didnt actually know how this was properly used until I looked it right before I started writing this because Ive never heard it being used outside of fiction occasionally, and if youve read my previous posts I probably said something wrong about it. From what I can tell its used for like, royals, aristocrats, people with nobility titles or whatever you wanna call those leeches, so thats why Lizzy n Ciel use Euch to refer to eachother that makes sense. That being said, I still think its kinda strange that Lizzy uses it for Ciel while also trying to get him to be less formal or whatever. Like, I can buy that Ciel would do that but Lizzy ?? Then again, she grew up as a woman in victorian england so thats probably why. HOWEVER the mafia guy addressing Ciel with Euch is still funny like bro, youre kicking the shit out of him his stupid nobility title doesnt mean shit now

Anyway, now that thats out of the way, I have two things I would like to point out:

Number 1: when Madame Red gets pissy w/ Lau for pretending to know who the Undertaker was towards the start of the fourth episode she uses du, when she had previously only used Sie bc yknow, even though they seem to be on p good terms, their relationship is purely professional at the end of the day. Now, I was gonna go on this whole tangent about some incomprehensible bullshit in order to explain this or whatever, but the reason for this probably really simple: its weird when you get upset enough to yell at someone but still use Sie. Thats it. Now, idk if this is particularly common but I actually remember doing something like that with my therapist lol like, I usually address her w/ Sie because yknow, ~Profesionalism~ and when I got really upset during one of our sessions and started yelling at her I switched over to du

Oh wait, I just remembered in the second episode that scene where Lau insinuates that he would do something "indecent" to Ciel and Madame Red starts yelling at him, she uses Sie for him there ?? Idk maybe the script is just inconsistent and Im putting too much thought into all of this

The second thing I wanted to talk about is: Sebastian has been referred to as Sie pretty consistently so far and like, I know thats gonna change soon because theres no way Grell is gonna keep trying to be professional or whatever once shes out of diguise, but still. As of the start of episode 4, the only people to use du for him are Ciel and that mafia guy and thats weird to me. Like, it makes sense for the servant trio to do that because hes In Charge and all that, and it makes sense for Grell because even though theyre 'peers' in the sense that theyre both butlers, they are strangers and dont really know eachother. But like, why is Madame Red doing it isnt she a baroness?? This would make sense in the modern day because you would address like, your friends personal assistant or whatever with Sie, regardless of wether or not youre "above" them in some weird way, because youre strangers and you wanna be polite to the people sour friend employs but. this is the fucken victorian times man, Idk a lot about that era but Im pretty sure they were big on this kind of weird classism

I was gonna end it here bit then I thought what if no one wants to du him because theyre intimidated or smth. Like, I know he can be intimidating but is that supposed to be 'a part of him' in the same way that being really hot is or what. Does he have a strong aura that compells people to do that. does he have that sigma male vibe. Discuss. comment down below

#translation tag #black butler #kuroshitsuji

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m1lkt00th · 1 year

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rahh thinking abt how to write characters. like i dont want to just do i right i want it be perfect (still fighting against that because it's impossible)

one thing that constantly hangs me up is the ship After'Destructive'Death'Mare (Geno/Error/Reaper/Nightmare)

Error and Geno arent romantically involved, before you ask. if my words come to me properly id explain it as more? queer platonic type thing? but eh whatver

i havent really written anybody besides well... cross (whoops) so im a little nervous to write literally anybody else. ill try tackling geno first though hmm

geno's past involved witnessing genocide after genocide route to eventually ending up watching them all. so the guy became a little traumatized jaded and not including my own version of his backstory (just me projecting so dw abt it) geno is a pretty rough character. i understand him becoming more afraid of growing attached to people because well! what if they?? disappeared and all that. the guy has attachment issues and is probably clingy (dont tell him that) to anyone that gives him the light of day.

eventually, error and fresh (accidentally?) drop into the save screen. geno has no idea who these two are and is immediately defensive. he hadnt heard of any destroyer of worlds or body snatching parasite so these are just some oddly colourful strangers. after some shenanigans and visits fresh announces them all as bros (much to geno's amusement and error's horror)

at some point during this (also during life being missing perhaps? or is that way before??) reaper drops in to reap this overdue soul. geno puts up a fight against literal death but crumbles at their feet when his energy is spent. reaper brushes geno's head to kill him yknow and he doesnt die?? that send reaper into a panic and they teleport away. geno doesnt know abt this and just supposes theyll either kill him or wont. doesnt matter that much to him (lying)

error talks abt nightmare at some point and geno is admitedly interested. reaper and error are also being idiots and not addressing their obvious feelings for each (and reaper with geno) geno ignores his own feelings towards reaper and tells them to just tell error already so he can have some peace. during this reaper was trying to find a way to get geno out of the save screen with the help of knowledge (alphys). the entire thing comes out with some involvement from fresh. (not important but error has a small fondness towards ink that they dont address)

nightmare gets egged on by their boys and blue and lust probably. the whole confession is a mess with nightmare and error getting together and geno and reaper struggling. reaper and geno accidently confess over something dumb that makes them both go "finally". nightmare and geno meet over zoom call (error window im sorry) and nightmare and reaper hit it off funnily enough. error and geno groan over their shenanigans.

they have a bunch more dates like that, error making a portal to let nightmare and geno talk until they become comfortable enough for them all to just crash in the save screen. the boys dont see nightmare as much but thats okay because they have their own things going on

error works on their desire to destroy and also touch phobia. the pain they feel from touch never entirely goes away but they get better at ignoring it at times. the closest theyre able to get during their dating period is hand holding. hugs are still very very scary. turns out geno is incredibly touch starved! who wouldve guessed?? but yeah, two glitches. one desires touch while the other actively avoids it. fun

reaper is very flirtatuous with everyone and is usually taken aback by nightmare's flirts back which is always fun.

error and nightmare know spanish. error kind of always knew every language but actively practiced spanish and english. nightmare had to learn english and always speaks in a proper way(?) geno and reaper are trying to learn spanish too and i really really want to just. actually wait reaper would know all languages right? so many years might as well try to learn it right? boom, 3/4 are fluent in anything other than english (sorry gen) geno probably learned all the ways to tell someone to shut up so

oh!! error knows ASL and so does. maybe everyone else? family bonding activity?

on good days geno and error are usually really close to each other. they dont notice when they cling to each but it's incredibly amusing for the onlookers

error made hats for everyone or knitted a gift for them at least twice

nightmare likes carrying geno around.

tallest to smallest: error (5'7) reaper (5'5) nightmare (5') geno (4'5)

#imagine posting #tooth rambles #long post #afterdestructivedeathmare #geno sans #error sans #reaper sans #nightmare sans #shortass nightmare #tiny geno #text post #utmv #utmv headcanons #forgetverse

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indistinct-office · 1 year

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tw // uh nsfw mentions and suicide and general mental illness stuff idk

i love fukuzawa sm but idk if id rather him mentor me or fuck me

i think i should die to be honest im sad dude ill cry i wonder if i have a dissasociativive disorder like. depersonalisation seems concerningly familiar well like it makes sense of course derealisation and deperasalisation

idk how to spell but they make so much sense. on the other hand one must consider that i am evil and pathetic and dont deserve an explanation for my feelings nope im jsut bad and should die. but apart from that

im tired man. im very tired i want to cry. i also. cant seem to move

so idk if i have dpdr or im just tired or have executive dysfunction everythings very confusing im trying

why

and is it unreality or is it me philosophising or

whats going on i know no one else knows i dont i feel like i have never been a person i feel like a mirror more than anything i dont know and feelings are so complicated i want to cry and i dont understand whats going on and im so sick of myself but i cant seem to stop and everything i say feels like a lie and i cant remember anything i feel like im fading also how is it almost 11pm

i feel like i dont have any agency and

like if someone has moved the content of this image way to far off the edge

and i dont know if the whole "i dont feel like a person" thing is dpdr or succh strognly engrained self loathing or a combination of both or me making excuses for being lazy or i dont know and it always has always felt like there are too many people in my head. whcih sounds yk. not great. and it isnt but then what if ive convinced myself that i have dpdr/whatever because i just want a label and something solid or i dont know but no i think i do and who is i anyway who am i referring to ive been through this so many times before and nothing changes nothing has every changed and nothing will help

and i know it sounds like im having a panic attack because i am but this is how it feels all the time

i used to joke to myself that my brain was either so full of thoughts it hurts or completely empty and full of fog but that might be dpdr

like, anxiety/trauma or dissacociative

oh no

but idk i havent really had an trauma what if im making this up just because i want my friend to know whats wrong with me and me to get better and have a nice little storyline and get better

it feels like whenever im lucid im in pain

ha. well. thats a thing now i guess

im so tired of this. but its all good its fine. i cant even self harm properly

what if the reason im so anxious all the time is because im scared of why im doing something

it feels like im comingn to some big resolution but what if im just convincing myself of that so i can feel good but everything will stay the same? there are dried tears on my laptop and they look like stains of cum

oh no i think i might be dpdr. like. when /that/ happened. i distracted msyelf and felt "usual" and then i was reminded of it and it hurted so much

oh no oh fuck what

well. theres that i guess

yeah no im pretty sure i have uh depersonalisation/derealisation disorder. it makes a lot of sense. at last the puzzle of the self is completed and im better and everything is fine /s

no wonder i relate to will wood and jreg so much.

there is now the issue of

a) who the fuck am i

b) what the fuck do i do now

uh i need help i think ( yeah no shit )

it really does feel like there are hundreds of people living up in my brain

im scared about what i should do next.

i have to go to london tomorrow

no wonder i find it so hard to explain my thinking process and emotions. of course. it makes sense now

im posting this so theres some external record of what happened today. but this is basically a diary entry so yknow.

#depersonalisation and derealisation

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nalver · 2 years

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me when i want to have a hobby/interest but i just cant!

#rant #i really wish i could make something!#i just spend my time on my pc just staring into nothingness #games arent fun watching videos isnt fun #i try making mods yknow my brain is letting me have an interest #but no! i look for help while learning how to mod and someone tells me i need to know the language beforehand #i dont! but also there arent any answers to my problem! nothing i can do #i could try picking up the language beforehand right? no because my brain wont let me!#i have to sit and wait around until i get an ounce of desire to do something #i want to do something because its logical? no unable to!#i cant code unless i know exactly what i want to make!#my brain is literally scamming me im so fed up with this #my whole life is just gonna be waiting until my brain feels like doing something because i myself cant do things #i cant even explain it properly #i just want to go to sleep and never wake up #it makes me feel like i failure #i cant do this anymore #vent

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headspace-hotel · 3 years

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can i ask a really dumb question about books? it makes me feel like a total idiot and someone who deserves to be bullied on tumblr dot com but like im in my early 20s and i know at this point i should definitely stop reading YA books and move on. but im having a really hard time doing it cause i keep looking for adult books that fit the kind of genres i like and.... they end up not being that interesting to me. like. of the books ive read they all end up taking themselves very seriously or having these tense plots and characters which isn't a bad thing but like its all so??? based in real struggle and bleak and self important. even romance or thrillers i think look potentially great they end up boring cause of how i dont enjoy seeing these actions portrayed in such a grounded or gritty setting that feels all too real in a Bad Way. gosh how do i explain this properly so i realised ive mostly been reading YA books cause they thrive on melodrama and these ridiculously over the top ideas of what life and romance and stopping the bad guys should be. its fun! its a little dorky! but id love to see this in adult books and i dont know how to find ones with this same level of melodrama so all the ones i try end up being deeply uninteresting to me and it feels like im wasting my money. how.... do i help myself here? do you have any recommendations? is it dumb of me to wanna go back to the YA section just to have some fun? im not a total idiot i promise i read nonfiction intended for people my age i just want adult fiction to be more fun like that yknow!!!! im so sorry for asking this it does make me feel like something is wrong with me

(I’m sorry I know it’s been like a week but I’m going to answer anyway)

This is not a dumb question, anon. Be a lil bit kinder to yourself, okay?

I don’t think you’re an idiot! In fact you’re very articulate about expressing exactly what things you like about the books you read and why, which I think is a sign of a mature and thoughtful reader. I’m sorry you’ve been made to feel stupid for enjoying the books that you enjoy.

I will say that you don’t have to give up on YA books at all. I’m taking a YA lit class right now and many, many adults still do read and enjoy YA fiction. However, there are definitely “adult” books out there that you’ll probably like. “Adult” isn’t a category with specific bounds, it’s just…all books that are not children’s or YA lit.

I don’t have any specific recommendations right now but maybe my followers will be able to help?

#books #reading #young adult books #ya books

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obsessivelycapricious · 3 years

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Got an idea for a reader insert fic for the DC universe. I'm probably not going to write it so I'm putting it out there like this instead. Hell if anyone wants to run with this then brilliant. Just shoot me a message and we can talk. Its female reader insert and can be for many different pairings. Male/female/platonic. Mostly with villains.

Shes an artist and her paintings aren't really very popular as they tend to depict the underbelly of Gotham and usually feature a villain or two. the Elite don't like to dwell on such things so theres a bunch of canvases in her apartment unsold.

Shes also got a dark past and made some dumb romantic choices when she was younger. Sionis almost ran her out of town but Gotham is her home and she has nowhere else to go. Batman had to save her. It was a whole thing. She's still terrified of the black mask.

But then we reach an anniversary of Batman and his fight to protect the poor defenseless citizens of the city and someone picks one of her paintings to be on display at the gala. Its not even her favourite painting because to her it just isn't quite finished yet.

So she attends, rather reluctantly putting on a dress and everything. any interested potential buyers decide not to after hearing her describe the rest of her collection which is predictable but disappointing but at least she can admire the pretty people.

Just as things get interesting and she meets the one and only Bruce Wayne - did he just flirt with her? - disaster strikes as the joker and his goons interrupt the event with some typical scheme. Joker throws one of his blades into the heart of her painting during his dramatic monologue and she stares at the painting. Realising its finally complete.

She gets home safe from the gala after batman swoops in and saves her again. But at least this time its by proxy so she can keep some of her dignity. But when she gets home all of her paintings are gone and her apartment has been turned over. She finds out days later that the painting in the gala has also been taken.

A few weeks later she is walking home from work and is kidnapped and bundled into the back of a van. She's terrified its Sionis catching up to her again but they drag her into the basement of a seemingly random club and when they take the bag off her head she is sat at a table with Gotham's infamy elite. Cobblepot, the riddler, two face, mr. freeze, the list goes on. It could also include ivy and Selena kyle maybe harley too? At the top end of the table in command position sits the joker.

They explain, through no small amount of bickering and insults thrown between each other, that they have a proposition for her. They want to give her the opportunity to deal her paintings exclusively to them. First refusal goes to the villain that features in the painting and after that they'll arrange an auction. If no one wants the painting then it can be sold elsewhere.

Our reader is no meek and mild wallflower and can hold her own in the room negotiating a fee for herself for the paintings already stolen and future installments for exclusivity and convincing them to offer her protection. They laugh at first and wonder why she would need protection when the worse gotham has to offer is in the room with her now but she shudders and suggests that if Sionis is no match for them then they won't mind making sure he doesn't get near her again. Her one caveat to the deal is that if the batman shows an interest he gets first dibs. He did save her life after all.

And so begins an unlikely partnership with Gotham's criminal underbelly. Because they arent house trained and dont seem to understand how to use a door properly, her appartment keeps getting broken into when a new batch of paintings is ready to go. Johnny frost is usually the one who drops off her pay.

Sometimes she comes across her new clients in unexpected places. She meets Edward Nigma while out to buy the paper who spent his morning coaching her through various riddles. Sometimes she finds a car waiting outside to take her to Penguins club or on the very rare occasion she finds an errant joker in her apartment, constantly keeping her on her toes with his bouts of madness. She gets to know a few of them on an almost intimate level though she is vigilant enough to never cross that line. They somehow always keep her out of the mob business they conduct so she always has plausible deniability and so they dont have a good reason to kill her.

Meanwhile, Sionis hears from Victor Zsaz that our reader is flourishing rather than hiding away scared for her life like he left her. Whats more she is painting again and for other people?? This wont do. She belongs to him and only him.

So begins our final act where sionis carries out his diabolical plan and the readers favourite villian swoops in and saves the day. This could be a choose your own ending sort of thing where the reader can pick who she wants. Including batman and a version where the villians all team up and work together. Or yknow. Writers choice if youd rather just write one. Im a fan of it being the joker or batman or nightwing/robin (if you fit some interaction in between the plot so theres enough intent there)

Then the finale to it may be romantic and may end with the reader and their fave releasing the pent up tension between the two. Or if youd rather have a more platonic non relationshipy ending you could have the reader finish off sionis and take that step into villainy herself.

Ta daaaa! The end.

Message me if you wanna use the story! I would love to read it or see stuff about it.

#dc comics #dc fic #joker x you #batman x you #reader insert #fic idea #penguin x you #riddler x reader #joker x reader #batman x reader #nightwing x you #robin x you #ivy x you #catwoman x reader

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