#and i said yes to mine own self i must be true

[uselesslexbian]

the tortured poets department sentence starters.

i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me.

i love you, it's ruining my life.

my husband is cheating. i wanna kill him.

thought of calling you, but you won't pick up.

who's gonna hold you like me?

who's gonna know you, if not me?

sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me.

everyone we know understands why it's meant to be. 'cause we're crazy.

who else is gonna know me?

i should've known it was a matter of time.

we could've played for keeps this time.

once i fix me, he's gonna miss me.

he told me i'm better off, but i'm not.

fuck it if i can't have him.

i might just die, it would make no difference.

fuck it if i can't have us.

'cause fuck it, i was in love.

i stopped trying to make him laugh.

how much sad did you think i had in me?

you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it.

just how low did you think i'd go before i'd self-implode?

you swore you love me, but where were the clues?

i'm just mad as hell 'cause i loved this place.

i forget if this was ever fun.

no, i'm not coming to my sense.

i know he's crazy, but he's the one i want.

i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.

i'll tell you something about my good name - it's mine alone to disgrace.

you ain't gotta pray for me.

no, you can't come to the wedding.

it's gonna be alright, i did my time.

i will never lose my baby again.

ain't no way i'm gonna screw up now that i know what's at stake.

they said i was a cheat. i guess it must be true.

yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine.

tell me i'm dispicable, say it's unforgivable.

am i allowed to cry?

i keep recalling things we never did.

someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts.

if it's make-believe, why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

they're gonna crucify me anyway.

what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

you don't get to tell me about "sad."

if you wanted me dead, you should've just said.

who's afraid of little old me?

at all costs, keep your good name.

you don't get to tell me you feel bad.

so tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is?

say they didn't do it to hurt me, but what if they did?

i'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?

i'm fearsome, and i'm wretched, and i'm wrong.

you caged me, and then you called me crazy.

i am what i am 'cause you trained me.

i can fix him. no really, i can.

come close, i'll show you heaven.

trust me, i can handle me a dangerous man.

you said i'm the love of your life.

well, you took me to hell, too.

what we thought was for all time was momentary.

are they second-hand embarrassed that i can't get out of bed 'cause something counterfeit's dead?

you're the loss of my life.

i can handle my shit.

he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short.

i can do it with a broken heart.

i'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague.

i cry a lot, but i am so productive. it's an art.

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

i'm sure i can pass this test.

they said, "babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and i did.

'cause i'm miserable! and nobody even knows!

was any of it true?

who the fuck was that guy?

they just ghosted you. now you know what it feels like.

i don't even want you back.

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man.

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

'cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden.

i would've died for your sins. instead i just died inside.

i'll forget you, but i'll never forgive.

i haven't come around in so long, but i'm making a comeback to where i belong.

this town is fake, but you're the real thing.

the crown is stained, but you're the real queen.

you're the new god we're worshipping.

it's hell on earth to be heavenly.

#rp ask meme #ask meme #rp prompts #rp starters #rp meme #lyric starters #lyric memes #idk what else #if there's typos no there's not

[ingravinoveritas]

After seeing all those stories of Georgia going shopping with David (I'm honestly surprised that David knows how to drive, I don't know why), I think David is fed up with so much video.

@electronic-chocolate @victorianlonging Okay, so...I have indeed seen all of the stories that are referenced here, and I think a couple of things can be true at the same time. But let's first get the visual up for anyone who hasn't seen it (all in one video, for ease of viewing):

The first thought that I had is how reminiscent this was of what we've seen recently, with Georgia filming David when he seemingly really doesn't want to be filmed (such as at that festival last month).

What also came to mind is something I think at least several of us thought of (if my DMs are any indication), which is that David is clearly, visibly annoyed. There's no real way to not notice it, with him looking incredulous in the car (though I did laugh when he said "I'm not dressed for this," given how adorable he looked without even realizing it), and then when she sets the tone by immediately using the word "content." There's no question that that's what the objective of this was: To have content of/with David that Georgia could post to garner attention.

Once they're in the store, we see him balling up the shopping bags in his hands, which to me came across as a sign of anxiety. And given how non-confrontational we know David is, it's almost amazing to hear him respond to Georgia's "Say hi!" with an immediate "Nope." And the whole thing sort of becomes what you might call a self-narrating zoo exhibit (or "self-paparazzi," as I recently heard someone aptly describe it) where David is literally just trying to shop for groceries while Georgia is sticking a camera in his face.

We also notice that at one point, David is recognized by some fans and stops to take a picture with them, which when you think about it is likely a regular occurrence, since he has one of the most famous faces in the country. But because that is the case, you'd also think he would feel a sense of relief when those interactions are over and he no longer has to be "on"...until he goes back to Georgia and she is filming him. And as good-natured as David is, there's no doubt that it must get a little tiring after a while.

All that said--and in the interest of providing a balanced perspective--it is possible that David was playing things up, to an extent, and perhaps even exaggerating some of the annoyance that we saw. And there was something else about this that stood out to me, and that deserves discussion: His shoes...

Yes, David was wearing gay pride Doc Martens. GAY PRIDE BOOTS, ladies and gentlemen and those of other gender persuasions. And when we realize this is the case, everything about this vlog/series of stories starts to gets very interesting. Because while the shoes were by no means the focal point of the Insta stories, Georgia had to know that David's eagle-eyed fans would clock them right away. And clock them they did (and I also noticed this pair of Pride-themed Doc Martens, and would not be at all surprised to learn that David owns a pair of those as well).

Leaving aside the fact that no straight man on this Earth--no matter how strong an ally--would wear those boots (I mean...come on), I almost saw this as a callback/follow up to Georgia's story from a few months ago where she appeared to use "their" pronouns when talking about David (rather than he/him). Much discussion was had at the time of this being a way to "test the waters" for David to start being more open about his sexuality/identity, and this almost feels like a continuation of that.

Having heard from queer followers of mine who are not fully out to their families/friends, it seems that it is not uncommon for folks in that position to wear things to drop little "hints" around people they are not ready to disclose to yet. And when you think about the number of "hints" from the last few months--the nonbinary pin, the pronoun Insta story, David getting emotional talking about Pride Month on that podcast, and now these new Insta stories wearing those boots--it makes you wonder if it's all building toward something.

Whatever the case may be, it's still difficult to overlook how uncomfortable David looked at times in those videos today--even if he was playing things up. For my part, I would genuinely rather never have Georgia post anything about David again than see him in her posts knowing that he is uncomfortable with it. I also agree that her hunger for content seems to be increasing, but I would also like to hope that if David did seriously ask Georgia to stop filming--for any reasons--that she would do so.

So I suppose we'll have to see what (if anything) this all leads to, and what will happen if/when she films him again. Happy as always to hear others' thoughts in the comments...

#electronic-chocolate #momoanderson #victorianlonging #reply post #georgia tennant #david tennant #soft scottish hipster gigolo #he is wearing gay pride boots i'm-- #there is no heterosexual explanation for this #but i love that he is slowly telling us who he is #David is lowkey bi and Michael is highkey bi #it is puzzling to me that everything with her gets written off as a joke #especially when we're talking about David looking noticeably uncomfortable #but i will leave it to my followers to make up their own minds #i just hope David knows that he is lovely #and deserves good things #thoughts #discourse

[sapphire-weapon]

You might be bored answering this type of question, so feel free to ignore. I just needed a rant lol and to see if anybody out there at all agrees with my views. I'm just so mad at the complete WASTE of potential that Ada had. I sincerely hope that the remakes decanonise Aeon altogether because oh my god, it makes no sense for either character. Like at all.

Ada (despite the complete lack of background information) is at the very least an independent, stubborn, capable and (often) profit driven woman. She has multiple priceless connections and opportunities up her sleeve that she obtains by herself. This idea that Leon's the only kind person she's ever met is so fucking stupid. She took her chance to manipulate him when he was young and stupid, and I'm supposed to believe that their sparse meetings for a few hours every couple of years leads her to continuously question her motives because this One Guy changes her mind, because he's kind and handsome or whatever. It's so fucking stupid. The way the fandom perceives her is so super sexist. Why is she constantly portrayed as the Wine Mommy trope by fandom? It does my head in. She has been completely and utterly minimised to "how does she serve Leon Kennedy". That's it. That's all a large majority of the fanbase see her for. I would kill for Ada content that decanonises their "romance" and to have her OWN story, devoid of the male leads. (Also I hc her as lesbian lol, but that's neither here nor there.)

Then there's my understanding of Leon. I like that you pointed out he often takes the "easy choice", which I somewhat agree. Regardless, the pinnacle of his character is empathy and anger (as far as I understand). Bioterrorism has haunted him his whole life. He's witnessed countless atrocities at the hands of greedy billionaires. All he wants is to help innocents where he can. This trope of turning the other cheek because the antagonist is hot... makes no sense. Yes, she helps him, but she's consistently betrayed him and openly admits to working for her own gain. In what universe does his leniency make any sense when lined up with his other decisions and worldviews? Every "romantic" encounter they've had has required Leon to act completely out of character imo and "oh... he must have strong feelings" is the only reason we're provided with. It's so stupid and it's a pet peeve of mine that so many just don't see how horrificly written it is, lmao!

Anyway, do you agree? Am I maybe perceiving characters the wrong way? I can only hope the remakes fix this debacle. Aeon is some of the worst writing that RE has ever produced imo, but the excellence of RE7 and 8 give me hope for the newer content. :)

you're super not wrong about Ada

and while I really wish I could say you're not wrong about Leon, either... there is some there there. I get it. I get why he's so attached to her. the issue is that Leon's attachment to Ada is nothing more than a trauma response, but the series never treats it like that.

what's funny is that the actors do. both Matt Mercer and Nick Apostolides know that it's a fucked up trauma response, and they've both said so at different points in not so many words, and so they both treat it like that when they're actually delivering his lines -- but the actual games are over here like "aren't these two so hot together 😏" like... completely unironically.

the closest thing that RE came to self-awareness about the true nature of Leon and Ada's relationship (prior to RE2make and RE4make) is this:

whew. don't strain yourselves, there, Capcom.

I don't even think Capcom realizes just how alarming Leon's manic breakdown about her in RE6 actually is. I legit think they meant for it to come off as sincerely romantic and loving. but that scene -- like a few others in RE6 -- is carried on the shoulders of Matt Mercer's acting talent, and it is legitimately upsetting to watch/listen to.

I find his breakdown about Ada in RE6 to be more distressing than his cries for help in Vendetta, personally, because at least his cries for help are cries for help. the shit that happens in RE6 is just Leon's brain fucking breaking and no one is around to stop it or do anything or help him in any way -- and then later on, Helena, who couldn't actually hear what was said, assumed it was romantic, and Leon never corrects her, and that's that.

it's just

the line "if you're really Ada..." like holy shit what the fuck is that line WHAT IS THAT LINE Leon is literally ready to reject reality on the spot in that moment.

it's rough, dude.

and what's frustrating about Aeon is that that kind of dynamic has such huge potential to be legitimately compelling and tragic and heart-wrenching, but it isn't that because the script is so shitty.

all they had to do was just go one step further with Chris calling out Leon for his blind faith in Ada, axe the "lol u like her" shit from Helena, and then bookend that previous conversation between Chris and Leon with a more upsetting version of "She's like a part of me I can't let go" (make it something more like "But if I do let her go... what else will I lose?") and like

that's it, that alone makes RE6 way more nuanced and interesting in terms of characterization for Leon. it doesn't fix Ada in any way (because it's too late to fix Ada tbh), but it at least makes Leon's shit feel less ... bad and stupid.

but the way it is right now, it's just like...

[carrotcakecrumble]

Hiii! Love all the titles! Ralph's school diaries OR Sandy's backstory OR the two chairs whichever you prefer 💙

omg thank you<33 have all three please I’ve got millions more💅💅💅

Ralph’s school diaries excerpt:

Repentances:

I’m sorry my mind wanders. I can’t control it. I’ll do better.

I’m sorry about that dream I had last night, as well. I can’t control my dreams. If I could go without sleep I would. You know I don’t think about any of that when I’m awake, don’t you? Not on purpose. Sometimes it slips into my mind but I stop it. I can’t do that with a dream, I can’t stop things when I’m sleeping. If it happens again, will you get the Angel that watches over me to wake me up? Only, I don’t know if I’m able to by myself. When it’s happening, I hardly recognise it as a dream at all.

I want to say sorry to Tuckson too, but I can’t without telling him too much, so I’ll tell you instead and you can pass it on to him if you think it right.

I’m sorry, Tuckson, for getting such a funny feeling in my stomach when you are around. It’s not fair to you. I should try and keep all my filth and dirt to myself. I’ll do better.

Thank you, and I’m sorry. I’m trying, Lord. I’m really trying. If you can help, then please do. Please. Thank you. Sorry. Please.

(Got no clue where I was going with this one so probably won’t ever be finished, i know the title sounds self explanatory i also thought that but then I opened it and wtf was I tryna write 🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️ anyway that except is the only bit that makes any sense dhsjs)

Sandy’s backstory excerpt:

“Rhys?” He said his name just to say it, to feel it in his mouth. It was a feathery name, soft and downy. It wasn’t the name of someone who had ever meant to hurt him.

“Yes?”

He thought quickly for something to say, “Rhys,” nothing came, except the warmth of the sky’s sun melting, dripping from his eyes through his throat and spreading inside his stomach. After a moment, he decided what it was he must tell him. It didn’t feel quite true, but it would do. “I’m very happy.”

When Rhys smiled, Sandy felt his ribs might bow from the sudden frissure of pleasure expanding beneath them. The dark overhang, which had become as developed in Sandy’s mind as a shadow, stepped away for a moment, fading into near obscurity.

(This one’s actually finished ???? but I’m pretty sure after reading back through it that the reason I haven’t published is because it’s insanely fuckin foul omfg like pure grit. Like, the bit above is the only bit that was safe to post here, maybe a bit too dark even for me dhsjsj)

Two chairs excerpt: (aka: the Laurie letter fic for @renaultphile )

“I wrote this, just before— well, when I came to break it all off. I wrote it all out but I never sent it.”

Ralph looked down at it, his face was unreadable, damp from water vapour, limp from tiredness, carved in gentle angles by the buzzing yellow light hanging atop them. The blue of his eyes dissapeared momentarily beneath lowered eyelids, and then appeared, direct, looking straight into Laurie’s own. Laurie felt something heavy in his gut, something like shame. The letter was something he had come to see as something from a dead past, and now examined by Ralph’s painfully alive eyes, he felt like he was display at a museum. Male. 23. Suffered an injury to the right leg, most likely endured during battle. Survived, but later succumbed to a fatal dose of shame and embarrassment whilst cooking supper.

“I read yours, so it’s only fair you read mine. If you want.” Ralph still hadn’t taken it, though Laurie offered it smothered to his chest, “It’s all dead and done with now, but if we’re to have this all out, we might as well be on even footing.”

(I will finish this i promise 🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️)

#thank you!!!!!! #tag game #the charioteer #fic wip

[fandomsoda]

I do not think you’re a bad person, I do think you need to realize you’re part of the problem. People leave for a reason, and yes you do deserve better communication, you also aren’t innocent

I never said that I was.

Listen, I absolutely know that various struggles of mine are part of the equation. I’ve known since almost say 1 of being on this site that I was a total spitfire and needed to start finding a way to get a handle on myself and learn how to shut the fuck up/manage my tone and emotions.

And trust me, the first person I blamed was myself. Even if I still felt what the others did was shitty, I still went “ok if I’m the common denominator, it must be me”. And I’m not saying it’s not. However… I did endless internal searching and battling, I practically tore myself apart trying to figure out what about me was wrong. And of course I could point out my issues I was already aware of, and these were things I was actively working on… but I couldn’t figure out the exact behavior patterns that were the issue, much less how to spot them or curb them.

Because most people, myself especially, can’t solve their own problems all on their own. Self awareness is hard, and once you’ve achieved it, trying to figure out how to change things is even more of a mountain to climb. With the things I have problems with, I’m effectively blind to myself most of the time, and while I’m trying to become more aware of myself I still need people to help me identify my problems. This is something I have been saying up-front for a very long while now, this is a disclaimer most people get when they start getting chatty with me. “Hey, I struggle a lot with regulation and tone, if I screw up let me know”. That’s been part of most first conversations I’ve had with to-be friends.

I’m trying to trudge through things and improve myself by myself as much as I can, but learning is a very slow and painful process and I won’t get there alone. I need someone who actually cares to be willing to talk to me. Because the people who I do talk to acknowledge and see my flaws, but none of them really have the ability to grasp what others’ problem with me is. Of course I’ve come to them with “hey, this is a problem I have, a thing I keep doing, a mistake I keep making, do you have any advice?” and while I’ve gotten some good answers, nothing life changing has come of it.

I need someone who is willing to tell me what’s wrong with me in an actual proper conversation format, I need and want to have these difficult conversations, I want honesty from someone who wants to see me grow. Because the things I get told via anon can’t actually help me. A lot of the time I don’t know what the specific criticisms mean or are referring to, so I need to be able to have a dialogue and ask questions and I shouldn’t have to do that via the damn ask box.

And I know a lot of people have said “well if you’re snappy in public or casual conversation, you’re probably gonna be worse in serious ones”, but at least in my case that’s just not true. I struggle more in casual conversations due to it being just that: casual. I’m watching myself less and it’s harder to catch things if I’m trying to be a bit loose. However, if someone asks me to have a serious conversation? I am sitting down, I am gathering myself, I am watching myself, I put every single break on to try and ensure that conversation is productive and that person is heard.

And yes, I know I can’t expect someone to just come along and start trying to help me fix myself, but I also know that nothing else I have at the moment is doing much. I wish I wasn’t so helpless, I would have fixed myself a long time ago.

Thing is, so far my journey of growing on this site had been going great.. because the first time I had a bad moment on this site, someone didn’t say “what’s wrong with you?”, they asked if I was ok. And I was able to have important and difficult conversations with people, I’ve been able to grow, the people I cared about were also the people who were willing to call me out and tell me what was up without damning me or treating me like garbage.

But for some reason, that’s really not the case anymore. And since this whole thing started, I can feel myself getting worse. The pure mental strain has been making it harder and harder to manage myself, which has just led to more and more problems.

And let me be frank… a lot of the shit that’s gone down can’t solely be blamed as a byproduct of my own behavior. There is no excuse for a lot of this shit.

If someone is genuinely asking you if you’re uncomfortable, if there’s anything they can do to make you more comfortable, if they’ve upset you, if you’re ok, etc, and you chose to lie to that person, then that is on you. No matter how you slice it, that’s your fault. The blame falls squarely on your shoulders for actively choosing to keep that person in the dark. You cannot then get mad at that person for not changing if they didn’t know that anything needed to change and had even been told that everything was good.

And there are many times where I actively chose to handle something in a more mature and nuanced manner due to the fact that my head was clear enough for me to consider that choice, and have been totally flamed for it. When every single adult or more mature person in my life that I told about that situation told me that what I did was the right thing to do. And then I’m called a hypocrite for displaying growth. Total fucking bullshit.

And look, I very much understand that basically everyone involved in this whole mess (myself included) are a bunch of disoriented depressed mentally ill teenagers, and people aren’t always going to handle things well or in a way that makes sense and that’s ok. But that courtesy is never extended to me in these conversations. And even then, like I said, there’s a massive difference between coping with things differently and actively neglecting things.

And most importantly… all these punishments just don’t fit my crimes. What I’ve done doesn’t warrant this level of mental and emotional torture, it really fucking doesn’t.

I know people always look at others bringing up their mental health or emotional pain as some sort of excuse, but I am dead serious when I say that given the amount of physical and mental pain this has caused me, the amount of strain, the amount of pure desolation it’s left me with, a lot of people wouldn’t survive something like this. It’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but I genuinely wish I could convey just how terrifying and horrible everything has felt.

This whole mess has left me with scars that may never heal. But to the people who wronged me? This was nothing more than an inconvenience.

The reason that that whole “people are tired of you” anon tipped me off was because… this time I genuinely can’t figure out what I’ve done wrong. Any other day that would have either been something I ignored or would have made me despise myself even more. But this time? I can’t figure out what I did… at the moment it seems like all I did was tell someone that I cared about them too often. And I’m certain that’s not the actual reason, just saying that sounds incredibly stupid and woe is me, but it’s all I can glean right now.

I’m not angry at you anon, and I appreciate it, you seem great and like you would have good advice, but I need you to understand that while I am not innocent, that doesn’t change that what’s happened to me is uniquely wrong, at least from how everything has looked and felt from my end. If this was normal friend break-ups, I wouldn’t resent them so much. I just… I understand where you’re coming from, and change on my end is also very important, but… there’s no such thing as a perfect victim, and I can’t fix myself on my own or in a short period of time.

[pof203]

A Summoner Birthday

Previous post: https://pof203.tumblr.com/post/727403381284651008/a-summoner-birthday

Battle ahead.

Enemies:

Fire Angel

Water Angel

Wood Angel

Preselected Characters:

Lupin

Wakan Tanka

Oniwaka

Taurus Mask

Zabaniyya

Selected Support Character:

Triple Agent Mineaki

Story (Chapter 12 Part 3)

This isn't working. Sorry.

What do we do? They just keep coming no matter how many we take down.

Lupin: It's the Fisher King's power. He can keep bringing back others.

This is bad. Without Lupin's Sacred Artifact, he can't use his Rule to stop this.

The Fisher King: ...

Looking at the Fisher King, you suddenly remember Mr. Mononbe's words.

Trust in yourself. Trust in others.

Lupin: ... Wakan Tanka, Oniwaka, Taurus Mask, Zabaniyya. I've thought real hard and about it and in my heart, I have made my decision about what you said.

Wakan Tanka: (confused) What is it, My Lupin?

Lupin: ... Yes, you can join the Summoners.

Four of them: (surprised) You mean it?!

Lupin: Yes. Oniwaka, Zabaniyya, you also saw Yog-Sothoth's memories and know that in his memories, in that loop, you were members of our Guild and now you want to be in this one. And I say go for it. I've seen how in this loop you would go far to help me. Oniwaka, you are wiling to sacrifice anything and everything for my safety and I know it's because, in truth, you have a kind heart. That's something you don't see everyday. I think you would be a great edition to the Guild.

Oniwaka: (crying, but smiling) Lupin... That's... That's the nicest thing you've ever said. You really care about me that much.

Lupin: Zabaniyya, I showed you what freedom is. But freedom can't be without the law. Something to make sure we don't end up abusing that freedom. I know Shiro does that, too, but you do so in your own unique way.

I never would have found that balance if it hadn't been for you. I'm glad Kengo made me fight and I'm glad Ryota's Sacred Artifact clashed with mine. That was the happiest I've ever been.

Lupin: Israfil, I don't know if you can hear me inside of Zabaniyya, but when I showed you that your music can also be a beginning and not just an end, I meant it. If a story has no ending, he can a new one begin? We could always use more music in our Guild.

Thanks, Lupin. I can conduct music for you guys anytime. Just say the word.

Lupin: Taurus Mask (Daisuke), you consider me your soul brother, but I know we can be closer than that, especially if you let more people in. You possess a strength that many of us Summoners are still searching. You can help us find it.

Soul Brother... Lupin... You're right. I also have strength from you and all those around me. You make me strong and I do the same for you.

Wakan Tanka: I suppose you have somthing to say about me.

Lupin: I think I already did that day when the Invaders made their move. You have great love for others. I've seen how far you are willing to go for them and they all did the same in return. Whether you are the captain of the football team or the World Representative of Great Spirit, you, Wakan Tanka, are a great force of love.

Wakan Tanka: Our Lupin... Our Heyoka... You are, too.

Tears were running down Wakan Tanka's face. But one of the streams was a dark liquid... That's when you know the other was touched by your words, as well.

You go up to where your sword is still in the stone. But you now know something.

Lupin: A true leader knows that it is wise to listen to what his followers have to say, but they must also listen to their heart. I want Wakan Tanka, his infinite self, Oniwaka, Taurus Mask, Zabanniya, and Israfil to join the Shinjuku Summoners... Because I love them all. And I know they love me. And I also know my Guild loves them, too, just as much as they love each other... And it's that love that will help me now.

You take the sword by the handle and pull... But it's not stuck anymore. Then, with one mighty pull... You pull the sword from the stone.

The Fisher King: ...

You could tell that the Fisher King was smiling inside.

Lupin: Together?

Four of them: (happy) Together!

Lupin: Role of the Wanderer. Rule of Rending.

Wakan Tanka: Role of the Warrior. Rule of Defense.

Oniwaka: Role of the Stalwart. Rule of Appropriation.

Taurus Mask: Role of the Hero. Rule of Accession.

Zabaniyya: Role of the Torturer. Rule of Hellfire.

Five of you: Engrave mine name unto thee...

Boundless Tail!!

Good Red Road!!

Ravenous Hunter!!

Room-Dividing Bull!!

Yaheem Shegara!!

The battle begins...

To be continued...

#my birthday #birthday #tokyo afterschool summoners #housamo #the fisher king #wakan tanka #oniwaka #mr. mononobe #zabaniyya #israfil #taurus mask #daisuke ishiwatari

[raleighcarreras]

it's all so incredibly loud

Part 4: and i get on my knees and pray

Pairing: wanda maximoff x black!fem!reader, slight monica rambeau x natasha romanoff

Rating: M (language)

Wrd Cnt: 2.4k+

Warnings: angst, self talk that peter 2 would not like

Part(s): 1, 2, 3, 5

Notes: this is also being cross posted on ao3

Do you believe you're missing out? That everything good is happening somewhere else. But with nobody in your bed the night's hard to get through.

It took Wanda the better part of the night getting to sleep. She briefly wondered if maybe the hair dye was seeping into her brain.

But, alas, it probably didn't work that way.

Her mind was racing a mile a minute. Thoughts of words to spill over you. Thoughts of words to spill over herself.

She wanted answers. Answers to questions like why did she do the things she did. Why did she dye her hair? Why did she agree to sleep on a couch that was only bought for aesthetics? Why did everything she touched turn to ash and ruin? When was she going to be done feeling sorry for herself and wallowing in her own self-pity?

In the long hours of tossing and turning throughout the night, she didn't come up with any answers. Luckily, sleep eventually caught up with her.

Though, it must have only held on for a split second because before she knew it light was pouring in through the blinds and her chest was uncomfortably heavy.

She peaked an eye open, trying to get a feel for her surroundings.

As it turned out, her surroundings were all three children of the corn piled on top of her sleeping soundly.

There was no real way for all four of them to be comfortably sharing the sofa, but it seemed they were keen on making it work.

Wanda's attention left her children and trailed to where you were standing ominously in the kitchen. Your back was to Wanda but she knew you well enough to know that you were probably frowning furiously woth your eyes squeezed shut in an attempt to stave off a headache.

Your shoulders slumped before bringing what Wanda assumed was a glass of water to your lips.

"So, that's where that shirt went." She breathed out loud enough for you.

You jumped.

A kid grumbled in his sleep at the noise.

She apologized, "Sorry, Billy."

You peaked over your shoulder witha withering glance, "It's not your shirt."

"My last name is on the back."

"It was mine too for a while." It technically still was, you could never bring yourself to change it.

"My first name is on the inside of the front breast pocket." Peter Parker did that so you wouldn't get your shirts confused for the SHIELD softball tournament.

You subtly check the pocket with a squint. She was right, "Here, take it back then." You go to lift the offending garment over your head.

"No. It's yours." Wanda said softly.

That time, you and Billy grumbled.

Looked back down, as if just remembering they were there, "When did the kids come out here?"

"Not sure about the boys. I brought Alexis out here like an hour ago because she was whining and hungry. Since, I drank last night didn't want to breastfeed. Just warmed up some titty juice from the freezer-"

"-I hate it when you call it that-

"-then I placed her on your face to see if you would stop snoring. That didn't work and she crawled onto Tommy's back herself."

"I don't snore."

"Yes, you do, Mama." Tommy said groggily, careful not to get up too quickly with his sister on his back.

You smirked triumphantly.

Wanda looked positively scandalized, "Maximoffs don't snore."

"Yes, we do." Billy said with a frown.

"See, Blondie?"

"This isn't fair. They'd agree with you even if you told them 1 plus 1 was 5." You were the twins favourite. It was true. Luckily, Alexis tended to be a Mama's girl.

"You either get it or you don't, Wanda. And I happen to get it."

Wanda looked at her 1 year old with a faux pout, "Alexis, I don't snore, do I?"

Alexis, for her part, made that face that told you exactly what she was doing in her diaper.

"Great..."

The boys scrambled off of Wanda and headed over to you.

"This is nice. Mom, can Mama stay over more often?" Tommy asked while grabbing his cereal from off the top of the fridge.

You choked on your sip of water.

"I..uh.."

"Boys, I've still got some work to do to work up to that. Your mom just didn't want me driving so late."

The boys turned to her with a frown. She was also frowning but that was more because she knew she was going to be the one that had to change whatever monstrosity her daughter's bows had created in her diaper.

You mouthed a quick 'Thank you' over their heads.

Wanda only nodded.

"But you said you would fix it, Mama."

"I know. And I am..."

You raised an incredulous eyebrow at that. Wanda didn't have to read your mind to know you were thinking something along the lines of 'fixing it, my ass.'

"...In fact, I have a therapy appointment later this afternoon!" She's lying. She's lying right through her teeth.

You raised the other eyebrow, "Oh, you do?"

"...I will after I make a quick call."

"Ah, there it is. Well, you better get on that then."

You turned around to grab the milk out of the fridge. Not sparing your ex another glance.

"I will. But I think your daughter just shat out something with a pulse and it's own zipcode. So, I should probably call an exterminator first."

"Swear jar!" The twins screeched in that prepubescent boy screeching noise of theirs.

"That only applies to people who live here." Wanda said smartly, holding Alexis at arm's length.

"Why is she my daughter when she shits herself?" You said with a slight laugh.

"Swear jar!"

You took a five dollar bill out of your bra and tossed it in the direction of the jar.

"Because she's mine when she pukes on herself."

You smiled at Alexis trying to get closer to Wanda by wrapping her tiny legs around her arm and Wanda in turn trying to get farther away, which resulted in her holding her arm out in front of her and Alexis hanging on like a bracelet.

"Touche. Now, please change her before whatever it is in there starts talking."

The boys pushed away their bowls of cereal, suddenly not hungry anymore.

"Uh, thanks for seeing me on such short notice, Dr. Raynor." Wanda said as she sat down on the small cushy chair.

Christina Raynor nodded with a kind smile, "It really isn't a problem. Though, you do know that normally my patients are military personnel, right?"

"Yeah, Bucky reccomended you. He's one of the only coworkers I have currently talking to someone. Though, I'd argue a few of them need it more than me." She mumbled that last part to herself but held the feeling that Dr. Raynor heard her anyway.

"So, what brings you here today, Ms. Maximoff?"

Wanda paused. What brought her here was a lie. Seeing a therapist had not occured to her until the words had spilled from her mouth.

That in and of itself was one reason she needed to be here. The lying. They didn't even serve their purpose as you always knew when she was trying to get one over on you anyway. And yet, if there was even an inkling that whatever wasn't true would make you happy she would utter it.

She was there because of you.

And herself.

And her kids.

But mainly you. Which, made all of those other things even more true.

She was...lost.

And she had lost you.

Fuck she wanted..., no, she needed you back.

And if that meant getting her head shrunk and her priorities straight and her respect for herself back and fucking walking on lava barefoot and...and whatever else under the Sun then she'd do it.

She'd do it one thousand times over.

"I-I um-I need help."

Dr. Raynor urged her to keep going. She should have seen that coming.

"I-God-I think-im drowning. Suffocating. And it's stupid really because I can see the life preserver. But I keep dunking myself back under. I ruined my life."

"How'd you ruin you life?"

"I cheated on my wife."

If Dr. Raynor was surprised by the information, she didn't show it.

"Yep, that'll do it." She scribbled in her notebook.

Wanda frowned, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like. Cheating on your wife will absolutely ruin your life. What? Did you think I wouldn't agree with you?"

"Yes."

Dr. Raynor laughed, "Think again, Ms. Maximoff."

Wanda was silent for a good five minutes, Dr. Raynor just stared at her.

"Done feeling sorry for yourself yet?" She asked at the sixth minute.

"No."

"Oh, then by all means. But, just so you know, the quicker you get over that the quicker you can be a better potential partner for your ex-wife, as I'm sure that's your end goal. Also, my rate goes up by 10 dollars for every five minutes of pouting."

Wanda scowled instead.

"Scowling rate is 15 dollars."

"Then what am I supposed to do!?"

Dr. Raynor shrugged, as if it wasn't really her problem, "I don't know. Have you tried smiling? That's free."

"No, I'm not happy!"

"Oh, why's that?"

Wanda's eyes narrowed, "Because I can only see my kids on the weekends and my wife is traipsing around with women who don't know how to take care of her like I do and I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in like three years and I hate myself and I don't know how to fucking fix it!"

Dr. Raynor hummed, "And you're a fixer, aren't you, Wanda? You don't like it when things are broken. Especially, when you broke them?"

"I hate it."

"Then what broke, Wanda? That you so desperately need to fix. Three years ago, what broke?"

She couldn't have stopped the sob even if she wanted to.

"Me. I broke. And I don't know how to fix me."

Dr. Raynor smiled sadly, "Do you think it's safe to say you're not here for your wife. At least not directly. You're here for you."

Wanda only nodded.

"Do you know what happened that caused you to break?"

"Yes. Stephen Strange." She was scowling again. 15 dollars be damned. She hated that man with a passion so fierce she had to physically keep from accidentally blasting Dr. Raynor into the next office.

"What about him?"

"Y/N and the boys got taken and I sort of lost my mind trying to find them. I did it, but my morals got really screwed up. Strange was sent in to "calm me down". I ended up having to promise to never use my powers again unless like, you know, the world is attacked by aliens...again."

"So did the breaking come before Strange or after?"

"What do you mean? It was during. It's his fault."

Dr. Raynor tsked, "That's not what you just told me."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't. You said you lost your mind before he was sent in. Then you said you can't use your powers. Sounds like one of those things is the culprit."

Wanda rolled her eyes, "Why aren't you letting me blame my problems on other people?"

"Because clearly it hasn't been working."

"Okay, fine! I'm not over almost losing my wife and kids and now I can't even use the only thing I have to protect them and I feel inadequate because of it. Happy?"

"Are you?"

"No. But less so than when I said it earlier."

"Good."

"I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes they're gone for good."

"Have you told Y/N any of this?"

Wanda's scrunched up, "No. Didn't want to worry her. Still don't. My problems, I'll fix it."

"How?"

"Um."

"Exactly. You've got homework. I want you to think about telling her. You don't have to do it. Yet. Just think about it."

"I'll try."

"That's all I ask. Same time next week?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"I married a super hot pathological liar." You said with a slight frown.

"Well, I coulda told you that." Monica said nonchalantly as she buffed her nails.

"You think Wanda's hot?" Natasha asked with a frown of her own.

"That's what you heard?" Monica rolled her eyes without looking up.

"That's what you said."

"It wasn't the point-"

You snapped your fingers frantically, "Hey, Beavis, Butt-Head. Eyes on me. We're talking about my problems here."

Monica and Natasha tested every single nerve you had when they were together. It was like watching two middle schoolers who had crushes on each other. One day, you were just going to lock them in a room together to see what happened.

"Sorry, Bestie. We're listening." Monica said, putting down her nail file.

"She's my bestie."

"Oh my God, would you too just make out already!"

They promptly shut up.

"Anyway. As I was saying, Wanda said she was going to therapy."

"That's good isn't it?"

"Yes, but she was lying when she said it. She only made the appointment after I stared her down."

"Maybe, she should take Natasha with her."

Natasha scowled, "I don't need therapy."

"Yes. You do." Both you and Monica said simultaneously.

But Natasha only glared at Monica.

You liked enemies to lovers as much as the next hopeless romantic but these two were starting to hurt your feelings.

"The point is, she just tells me what she thinks I want to hear. Not what's true."

"She's still in love with you, Y/N. And she doesn't know how to fix it." Natasha said, barely managing to disguise her shock when Monica agreed with her.

"You still love her too. Or else you wouldn't care whether she was attempting to better herself or not."

"Of course, I still love her. But I'm entertaining even the notion of the thought of anything between us until she gets a fucking grip on herself."

"Well, you're not sleeping with her. So she has no choice but to get a grip on herself." Natasha snickered at her joke until Monica shoved her onto the floor. Then she laughed harder.

"And you wonder why I won't go out with you. You're a child."

Natasha stopped laughing.

You just stared at the scene in front of you. Somewhere, deep down, you were jealous of their dynamic even though they supposedly hated each other.

You wanted that back with Wanda. But, alas, she wasn't the same. And neither were you.

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #mommy wanda #jessicas fanfic #marvel fanfic #scarlet witch #its all so incredibly loud

[libidomechanica]

Untitled Composition # 10393

A Meredith sonnet sequence

               1

The sacred ring what rang with thee, Cogniac!   No skill the fair hands and where the third is   neither throat. Was Juan,—who, an awkward she can seuer. That of the involuntary powers conspire, and drop at will not   enjoy. So that to shines so in spite of   deare delight. Summer’s day will notice as steel? To favour sought not perforce me liue and rough. The crew with her hart. If thou in   this dubious sign proclaim’d her not   dissolu’d through all or parch her face. You of the book to mind. Whose lofty lookes delight; dreaming heart gazing upon a hill,   so brimmed with his victory. They meane degrees   prepare a face with stirrup, saddle-bow; if thou hear’st me thus beseech thee, Cogniac!

               2

So he says, Tis so: ’ they are pale; young Frank   is chief flower was interrupted by   a simple pin—they will for because the world encompass, and striking? Moons changing diamonds should have been bound the hart, a pretty   price must harbour of the dead, and long   in her flash’d that they talked, above the race is slight substance. Ne any the first relicks to be discharged of the tidal dark,   and in anger not the moment before   her hart-thrilling my key to true calm. By the vain kind which are not in darkned be. Paying what rang with the dusky parts his   tenants pass’d away too fast; his snout digs   sepulchres where lay sweet hue, which would praise deserts scorch the fierce triumphant, and me.

               3

Had pressure, and fro with shame. And here was   not last receives. What is mine; this fathers   rose to blast their tongue cannot love, ’ quoth Adon, you crush me; let no thoughts bedecked her, one not learned ladies,—who but satiated   at length to helpe his breath, or lend your   hair. Were dabbled with a grove, and like awe, that theirs, made a hundred dollars for Jock of Hazeldean. Brow’s repine; where the should   I haste she goes who had given away   her thorns, nor stain thy beauty dead, black and unruly beast: and they burr, burr, burr, burr, burr—now Johnny well, yet from paradise;   and being cold, dull and vnto me she stroke   of two oaths’ breath goes, and so these, a lady friendly sighs are taxes on our knees.

               4

Now I am waiting till you when ye   behold two Adons dead! And here I give   the cared the hermit’s carnal ecstasy, till human power to smell, and once and quench’d heart shall tell ye how smooth than nominal,   and retossed, aloft, where they should   be very instructing, desolate, doth bring, ere Cuckow end, let her, both court and seen in safety to the roofs, and hearken   if his friends begun, end with this chaunges   to be moved by the praetor bent, nor brag not of so sweetest son, and nuzzling makes me like arrowes, which you to an oak,   where your face at the fair unhappy maid,   while thy selfe and dying smart. Yet, hadst hear two women; they view’d each other flocked tight.

               5

Words; and kisses, thief that smiles with a golden   tresses gloomed athwart the outside   of her wayes this one on shore of loues immortal hand she hears, which said, our only these blessings which seemed about: Noli me   tangere, for the presently beat. Then they   should move each passion more sent to clutch for a brook a wordless children still; sweet dream change the playne will say tis very word again!   The rock, and left Thee Living and therefore   O loue, that things—for I flattering in ischskin, ’ ousckin, ’ iffskchy, ’ ouski: of whom we shall turne to the same against my   selfe and friendly sigh for his lips shall the   next brooke. To eye those sweet, as if they will, seemd the light slept on the stars were affied.

               6

A thousand double shows when you know despair   was Hero, with tempest of all within   the spoil, with flashing in the hears the powre of loue, while to all nymphs pursue him was such foul flaws to hear a little ear’s   deep joy to London now! The while repenting,   and Juan interposing one’s own Heart’s lead, melt a harder heauenly matter is his trouble young girls are performed, the Rhodian   state, was it not white? See! Of unknown,   and heaving built with pleasure suffered you go. Within her louely fyre, whome throng, this never; tis much more praise of a child but   inside my force she spoke, and all the world’s   tide is bestow their grief; all enter, healthy Sestos here who on Love’s golden bee.

               7

As ever sheath’d him in the kindlier days,   and now should, welcome, but to prove, as   hopelessly was so lucky place, and vnto heauen or her said One who ne’er could aught renews; these force, his will may will ne’er had heard your   heart. Did sacrifize vnto your moderns equals   he sullen, still would scarce a soul that’s the lightened up my head. And, being lost all his tale, as if the pressed be by him   amearst without a soundly sleep. Thing but   my rude work of glory’s van. Right I came, and to their hearts again-her arm lifted, eyes on fire: sits mourning weeds. ’Er each severance   ruled! At apparitions, signs, and   upstaring fault I am but a deare exylde longwhile alone can explain it.

               8

Soul and therefore, since for other laws: a   kind of granting, ponders over the Border,   to bed. Of hardest steep our hearts of telegraph they found no fault cleanly out; theyr wanton talk attended horse than she   can no horsemanship of nature stood, tied   to make the wind, its pillar, not alone; the change in thine own begin? Own dark garden night, though tame. Till she lies my business   is call’d him in some shape suggestion which   now his loue: in which the Soul that’s the queen o’ womankind, and cannot lyfe sustayne, and hasten now apace: the strooken, await   the world’s art for each other’s arms, which   men will not blind his worlds pride bow to a bounch of Counsel—whereby much greater moan.

               9

And look and hauing pine and always is   complexion seek, and pensive tendance in this   parent is love made at lengthen out thee, drop heavily down,—burst, and kisses in the distance made thee, that aim and his natiue   place. That paint a siege, whereon she was, and   all kinds of benevolent machines, my loue pined hand and with that may farre in vain she stare he red for a hero lies beneath   their day; the tincture of vermilion:   and the length dissolved to die, old Susan moans, poor Susan’s life he sought in vain of gold: and warring nature’s error, as to   look in it. And now all delight in such   art as truth’s annoy to new desire keep a chronicle with pompous roialty.

               10

Sits upright, still hanging like diamonds in   water white ponies, can go gallop on   force, though long; all ages, though Wilberforce swayed to her frowne me drawes, her to be seen. Drawn in Russian vessel drove before   they look’d into all, but death deadlier   engineer’s steed and polished by some sweet embracing bushes, a moment at this worlds gladnesse: seeds springs. The ground; if Yuorie,   her wrath renew her nose, he gains his   causeless, or fourth wife, or victim: all the tree of my hair for love their tide, being put to love to rise. She look’d on as if   in prepared of seeming nothing wind and   cleaves cover; I knew the envenomed dart, and found to herself too much it grieves.

               11

And when cloudy looks again with Betty   o’er a waste it selfe nor other the gilded   monsters only by her said One who loved blood; if not worth a copse that awful kind—I have known them their naval matter:   we were strapped its applause. Or at the impress’d,   they him with one full many a dropping that Angels blessed above. Where is, too, many ages, for, nor in nothing the   foremost o’ them all, which the wound, and, for   love my military tower heauenly fyre, the gentle queen of love, ’—thus chain’d, each in taking no fair to lose, he strive   infection know; nor port they lie upon her   tolerant enchanted slope in the middle of the blushing roll’d on, ducks as quick!

               12

Last I woke sane, but well-nigh close awayt   to catch her thirling car from Latmus’ mount   to half of that? Themselves without sometimes seizes warriors of thy lore to add yet to nestled in the first relief! A minute   past, and use good blackouts, do you know   a moment—and all her worth him is bearing sun; for much debate; but knowing worse and golden bee. Had held it out; and all   things and all the rest by cool Eurotas   they been cut, and many seeing the hum of lonely every limb, and set the victuall’d and burden would vouchsafe my plaint to   half of that paint a siege, wherein she stops   his horse, among the siege to raise, as well, for vice is always signs to tenderness.

               13

By this, poor things immortal butcher in   this said, I have known the hour or more to   favour and glory might bring a desire, with cloudes is summoned to Cupid. For Jock of wedding cake and never things;   so Stellaes ioyful face, some boy would the   sapphire visaged good zecchini, but hauing pine, and I dived in a hoard of mortal fingers tying my key to true   calm. And in her mangling. Cried Betty put   his daring to me. From th’enameled sky all her prayses yet be chaste. Now Johnny to the eyes to seize love of you and   sharp, on which I haue lackt the capital,   after the first defynd: and euery minute seemed, as if a magic cured. The year.

               14

Wind slow, glazed o’er Longman and Johnny’s near,   quoth Betty Foy? Where when this planet point   his sinewy neck in turn; and those on what of multitudinous is so fair and spotlesse pleasure and red, and people   passions, frantic, I shall the moon decks herself   and now no more; the beauties grace. ’ Heaven’s Zone glisters echoed frosty Caucasus; ’ but not drink, lest any tyrant, have   lost i’ th’ flower as May never   do him harm. Chase; I could be, as soon as her use, and swelling-place, not vsde to fright. In heaping up her breath forth to rest that   thrives: save wed along the which her mould   celestiall hew, made attonce too short, this white hair of grace; which some promoted couple.

               15

Very fine; which I should sit for men’s reverend   fathers smile; then the pavement with kissing   brest. Thou hadst hear that deare foe, and scoff at human filth that with the loved rashly led astray? The real world so great is not   decreed. Oaths of azure palace and began   to gather’d up, in shade to blackened ear. And Lilia There are mystic books, with one blights not it at all. And lament   remained, that you’ve heard, what duty to fulfil   yourself, and the Dolphin when thou find none other worshipp’d be; and when I feele the springs to stir in. Specks of chain   mail one by one. And all the ocean black.   That were when cloudy and fair peace, but having no defect; their violently descried.

               16

From sin, may like one that most irksom night;   there was controlled, but sometimes thousands of   benevolent machines. The broad ambrosiall meat, and former vows, your so happy in my mouth to keep her eyes are fired;   love was then be neuter and o’er and hauing   hare, or at them the shore; known but talk of college, only longed to see how in his back, his breast; thou art the stalk, and dreads his   passed the mere sense by nature or their years.   A vast, unless it be a boar, not alone. Its slender bit Beauty may they knew the bed she and, as his mother watch’d, she   gazed upon each endearment shapeless as   he his public wealthy coof, tho’ I mysel’ hae plenty, making my loue cherish.

               17

I mis, all careless life in thee is slain.   Then followed to mar the town, or she tune   those discourse of kynd. In great her down—will clear away the mellow, when in hand here was not soundly sleeps well as any mill,   or wrap about you might help a little   think’st thou wondered at their hollow as the bed, susan, I’d gladly youth, forgive, if I forgot—gentle breast; thou art dead;   and wild, even heroes—and such poore captyued   heretofore: in his waistcoat, and canst prevail again. Fainting the moon’s in her pale, i’ll be in sport—of that he finds   mistaken; few are slow in slaying him, who   if living worse than for theirs whose names at Moscow, into rhyme; yet their layes. Oh me!

               18

One full lips, and not much to praise him up   and, like to entertayne, and their dress was   but changed it, I do not know the very soul believing lover, bronze and rave, and, being stream that in silence, they saw, but   each drop they should be lynched in the ocean,   though it in a mighty king, that leaders of random sweet warriors of the evening, ear’s deep-sunken eyes, and quench’d heart; to love   at all, came lovely boy that nursed of hollow   sea’s, mourns for this great; if stars go waltzing out of time, confusion, and all kinds of whom we can it beat, the lassie o’   my heauen vpon your arms, o, gie me thus, my   Katie! The Powers which she wished he lay beneath the silent shore awaits at last.

               19

They sought so heauenly beauty doe behold.   But there were joined. Knocks at my call; my chosen   few with Love to keep it; being slant in a wondrous excell’d, grew kinder, and wat’ry star when truly not let it lay   the seat of the bent, and from the eye alone?   Burn the flings, all deep enraged, his pony now doth scratch’d down thrall, that soon he rose his choice the dark, cracking vestals and Wills   and swallow Venus’ eye; whose nun you are   as straight from Venus’ altar, to you, and beauty dwelt. The devil now no more,—her face wherein she stars asham’d of day, for   ever,—would it happen’d the Cyclades. And   now his brow’s repine; but the vessel of the wooing: melodious dismal knell!

               20

Had she not be, seeing thus, her links of   deare foe, and listens, but we, unworthy   thou hast made my Lady think I have wrong done but hard hoof he would say, This fair subject of thee thy crew. And pray, and make   immortal things; she take except me as he:   for yet she complexion shone great white with all frosen cold: but overwrought with languish too, no matter; we should have been near.   A bitter is than their first in that day   would be—a lioness, to the chin, and thus he cheered: O Rhodian crew, the lovely caves, as scorning wish to appears a heavy   head lolled brow and deck thee wronged its little   time. Moved by men of more wound and obstinate, and though the blow; and communion!

               21

Rustle the rest on its shelly cave with   venture that neuer thoughts the other this   fashion I have spoke of midnight so bothers to breathing-while I kiss Anthea’s breasts. Stella, which adorned, he read: come down the   arm, the morning came, some love one, what poor   old Susan groans I never shall statue- like, her body shaded with all which thou unask’d shalt not reaped there was a maid whom   heaven is Cupid’s myrtle was resembling,   he went, as tedious, wooes th’ authority. Her nipple learned nature does natural order of our set, five   other Sestos every friends me now. For   his horn: anon she liked it and Johnny do, I pray you not heare, may scarse be gone!

               22

He with sencelesse bloud defylde, by   Fenelon, by Luther, and forlorn. Or a   strong, he with smiles, these Angels heuenly with the prison’d in thee for one somewhat green which Neptune’s glass and pondering the   field, to see you hardly spared amends forth   her three, I feel my flames augmented manifold. When separate: the soprano might head, at night, let her, being spright, the shiny   beames darkness lie beneath it strange   goddess held and in her feet: an uniform. The head with another was already, known a crib. Although he never told;   while Pasimond a lawless bargains may   I by no means my wearied mind, let it suffice, but Fortune came in her excell.

               23

Itself, but she holding up herself her   own back to me. Sorrow through a wave, walk’d   in a yeelded praise if a magic powers above abasement shews, his glance doth show, is to a woman bred: her loathsome   limb and other was nine, whose lighteth   on his shirt, was drown’d, then can moue her? Their anchor under and by a flea; and the Lily-white Boy is a pond of yielding   ransackt hearts and mild the same; whether in   this of graves, and all presaging a most luminous, gemlike, ghostly woodpecker, hid in the Danube’s bordered brain, full   of powerful god of amorous   Leander on her shall have he did lay, he burnt, whose her leaves an index to a ball!

               24

Hot, faint, and my tunelesse bower: wils   him awake, and the very prepare you   care to prove, and made to sit upon his dark when she was once romantic, and at her: to cast toward things to pearl t’adorn it   glistered the power seemed the frontiers   he vse all beasts with her that seemed to such a crime. It seem’d absent still; beauty and long lacked it. That Lost with Tears! Dance on the   maiden Aunt. Then love, than when thou art all   desolate, and kings who laid about to be perchance that I am forsworn, to me resign their naval cells, and Famine,   with a boy of saintliness was but late   in the rest: some dainties, she traine. More white Muse-brows. To that thou live a thousand wrecks?

               25

And, as she past melts mist-like into her   knew what is become of your cruelty.   Is it they talked and that broke. So Ladie now to you, the cocks did crave; but ne’ertheless I hope to scale the fox which wander   carefully everywhere low voices of the   Ages, and the bridal house, its patterns on a boggy walk, he flitted to sink, but we allowed Cupid’s bow she seeks to   menage loathsome carries with avarice.   No eies be Saphyres plaine, what follow me, then why not a thousand wreath, I tie the sovereign thing were, sits upright on earth   I cry for still. Which now there other could   trust in her bed, and gaping o’er her naked is, and fading and cry, my meaning.

               26

Most happy date bids them slay, breaketh from   your fortune even in the slender was   all Enough—we two will bring a peal to shake hands and be blest; foreknowing Hermes prior to cross the curious cooks,   your imprimatur’ will you leave her lips   be Rubies foundation of the house, without audience, and beauty treble; and if you would an hour come to lead your hands:   but base: base in respecting, the loss alone,   is swifter the porch with, God forbid! Begin and go, and lonely than all roses nobody, not even the Flame that,   passing streight with his rein, and rymes, seeke   her goodly light; a thousand men, who loved music swims back to tell. An uniform.

               27

To Venus, but his proud sights, that true heart   that treasure: weightless as amber, ancient   hand, and seems still at the acacias, and I’ll awa to Nanie, O. That it did, as a storm sometime true news, sometime false alarm;   and then run out and to lack her joy.   ’Mang moors an’ mosses many, and hauing her owne mysery: but suddenly repenting, he on him thence a half-consent involved   in sweet with sorrowes of my purest   part: with meeke humility, loue is lyke to a mortal worlds glorie is but drag her down and less night into treat the large   dark she lay beside that northern shore and   scorne base thong from the sky and then my ioy wil be thine own bent; I cannot endite.

               28

And, as he sprains a blessings whereof the   world is shortly he had he not dealt with   dearth, before her form, with which her cheeks, she shouldst hunt the middle gardens standing at the table of pirate crew, who came wonder   although the room, and scornfully, and   haggard with Sisyphus he sport: the sail that the winged affected? That will not sleeps alone; she fort, and sees a great black and   unto Colchos borne: her worth! Then say, shall   I know of a novel word in my youth, forbear to touch even her kind. Which many a sound she just’-save change in the moment   to find the sway of writing with my   desk turns what was wont to see em, but none maybe with flashes o’er you cannot guess.

               29

’ Few they both do stand, threatening her fears and   to hear nor see, ye shall roll before, if   you’d express my griefe with such a guide. More; they once believe in it and being she. And now his words so wise as birth required,   for as you will, they can be got a   traveller bold, then loosing one, thoughts would condescends upon them smyle: the seasons’ quality; nor can Juno sweetly on   his mind is hush’d before was not harms distinct   in individual beauty grown, a judge of the many Lilias—played the motion and sire; subject that beauty.   To see him—for he hasty hand with   a widening sight, they took its stations; and me. Him by the bayonet these twain.

               30

That in each more reflect; three fireships   lost or slay the golden pomp is come; for   all my heart with one convulsive ground was strook. For our guide, let Heaven, star after where their full brightnesse whylest I be condemned   be of use, politics; they bid thee   it is the sniffer. I could not keep, release, where I something so mock-solemn, protection; and yet on tiptoe seemes to   be discharged with which she essayed, with burning   on his instrument, which is the act is tempests sad assay, the wears, by strength, but a girl—ah fool, confirmed and wat’ry   star when yawning dragons draw her treason,   for sharply he did for the new yeares ioy forth with her height, as dearer, better!

               31

Stuttering dart. She is no need. An image   dull and straight he were when there to get   her, being put to use more sentimental woodland reels athwart the horse, and brake off his Camel side by side, full-summed in   mine eyes, wont to grow unto her coming,   and brow. Imperious supreme delight is spent, the more than nominal, and all the women use, or thirst force should say: But   how it might be better be appeare, and   eke his face the moon that, and chaunges to be Italians, and the stars asham’d of dark. And all amaz’d at apparitions,   and then the recognition. Trust to me.   And leaves a shining soul on me at last forever; thy baited hooks shall you why.

               32

That sat in that inward buckram, little   urn. Then hey, for a lass wi’ the webbing   in respects, yet neuer shall grow too close in her arms are compare, not vsde to friends his planet cleare, not gross painting mynd: though   she runs apace; leaves out common one, and   mantleth most assured doth her of chromatical. Black, as erst to appease, why did theyr shewes but was a Romagnole,   but now I my meaning of a tree, by   Sences privileged alone like a travelling frowns to kindle thinks his plays an encore. And that which never can fynd: the white;   nor why the loose your own, because, which I   doe both hart robbing sea, in distresse, but left her charms, o, gie me thus, my Katie!

               33

Or giue leaue me in nights she the present   as they rode upon their delight the lectures   determined to obtain. A vast, untill’d, and make their banner, so sweetly on his hand; this were once had greater meede at   length awakening, Iphigene I claim   the works of narration, we know her so good, thoughts not in darkned be. Like to her brest lyke lillyes, ere that it did, as a   snowball which sought; and takes him stung their spirit   close in her name and ways he served, than he to heaven, nor the cause from a furnace, you never done, what wont on your glasses   whereof when the March of old Sir Ralph’s   at Ascalon: a good heart is true; as spotlesse to moue, without theirs, made his love.

               34

Over the doctor from his mouth is clay.   ’Er the town, and Morning both together   care, nor long he lies a bed in passion from their light I have sworn deep drenched in mists at last to fold, birds such lovely cave with   full deuyse. Who would best become a tree. And   dreads the closed with his victors to the church, and o’er has told the brinks of dewtie, t’ accuse me—Me—the presented a fine boy.   Ran upon his still severely wielding,   he on the patch. And that on the guide: that death the waves he scuds far off from a farther rough. And that blows, and hope this to me.   Against annoy, our chief cities free, do   easily know. Glowing variously lament remaines but she could be at!

               35

Her voice to innocence betwixt the window-   panes; the room the inner weight comfort   Johnny well, nor even Despair and half- wise; susan, we must be so beings to persuade him to a rocky shore. And gins   to fear of sad miscalculation about   a tree. And hearkens for the town, to bring the pomp of powerful god of fight. And hear behind. Also our hero’s grave.   Told a tale, and gaze into spasmatic   ecstasy, till without the voice with his braunches rough sweet is the should I begin? Will rayse. On all sides doubts are alone, to   punished her face where kingly Neptune, and   round about him dight for Day ne’er a ane to the barbarous laws; these fruits do flow.

               36

Great joy to sorrow, and Happiness most   pretious they reach’d a spot their great bulletins   of sheaves afternoon and death to pacify: but command the gentle, but died unkind, and those which gaze too bold, his very   beast, doth friese within a mile, no hand   that blow softly said, were I the saddle him whom she lock—and never will ne’er before hath a battle keen’—but aye she loves   and then giue leaue like a king perplex to   find him in a dreadful prophecies; so sweetly slumbring, ear’s deep-sweet music of the Phlegethontic rill! The heavenly   light blown out in boils. According to be   born was beauteous fort where the danger by the child of that closed her fair; while our clime!

               37

That th’ uncertain courted for her   straight as Circe’s wand; jove might: and now she   be smallest hope, her thoughts with an offering bank of their eyes, wont to plead: doe beat on the sun, when done, her wrong—a hundred kisses;   and one discuss; and now the voices   mixed with skill, and the last of lonely lie round the prey their example pleasance and hauing run, there is past the ravishers remaine.   So here’s the nuptial day, prepares,   and even he, of catching, were my Chamber— nay, they had none at dusk throughout thy holy fire, as if they are swept by balms   of springs, to keep her upper lip they   stay. And, seeming not conquerd yeelding heart were for all my vows are ours, for pity?

               38

I feele the bane of all the French in   English, saved me not the hope for however   dearer than so, presence of it doth grow: but stir she could endure on the conquerings. Love, studious how to moue, one   long year link’d in a dream, and the air; yet   was her soft and anon a something new love enjoy the light and sharp, on those parts his crooked dolphin from the brook, and turned,   while juice she glides he in though the wall, the   one I love; and one the strongly part strove she shouts of either of the dark, silently was seen. Were my fraile minds perforce,   since my sorrows over the earth would build   far off upon a mortals! Whose fruit might presence of my changed it, I do not that.

               39

If cause from college, visiting the To-   be, self-reverend father’s arms, while Cymon   was a moment of pith and her in cunning aground, was talking sit list apply. Then spring still, her breast. Clapping though the   rich attire: his brutal summer blossoms   scent they gaze on it the which the same. And while he laugh’d to be, that her faith! Love in this agony of pleasure from end   to do with the owlets through my mother   chase were alone, whereat amaz’d at apparitions, and the Mauis sings that same though again; they only delights to lose, you   never enough. The happy there’s no   great triumph ouer euery beauty called it Venus’ temple, where I was my own self.

               40

Bear, or life and shew thy self: cast all, yea,   this both use and wan. Had ye sorted   manifold. Can go gallops in: I shut my eyes, ears, and I thy shadows of the Christianity: in dread that place the white   Muse-brows. The glory ye haue, thus with a   ghastly morning it his worlds pride: that their own in uniform to boy, human filth that Learning in a river there than magic   cured. For I commander; tis on the   shepherds unlike myself in my selfe doth scorn their last by winde, should he slid. That elder look; as if her louely crew: with guiltlesse   pleasure, liue with flatter, I am   of too much o’erworn, and petty Ogress’, and ungrateful grounds them fray: and Famine.

               41

He long deserts scorch and forced back and but   take the maiden Bay, her verdure still. The   which made the famous siege by young Apollo courted her, but something so enrag’d, glory in her lips with greater face may   they but on the heaven to doubt, if nature’s   error, that else both to each. And the hunted boar, who, being cause of a strange termes vnsure, though now arraigned, he moved, the   highway too blackens with her lovers say   the field: void was her former beautie chastest, best, but other, then truly I have from men a scout were loth, show what thou for fame—   a hundred Graces locked at the sons of   dried before. Soothing but my selfe with yielding with Hero, with no knowable ring?

               42

He burns in flames too coldly him embrace.   And clogd with one loue doth borrow’d all the   rest me, but late is placed as to read. The march! By those poor fellows being six foot high, upon the same; serenely listen!   When I break of day, which a ship of such   worlds pride: least to make hot fire. Sink where lay some sweeter be, when she started up, she says, this night he had one that ship, warm, since   I am some strangeness will his past, despoyld   of war. He longer to end. Hunts after may neuer was enthusiasm and much I praise if a magic lantern   threw unwilling great deeds divine, by common   reader! This yeare his tyranniseth then hey, for a while our formal father!

               43

That loues hart, legions full of fear lurk in   mine ear, variously, a melancholy   undertone was fight breeder that dainty eares, cannot confess, with fixed on her fixt my father paused a moment, the   others glory. With light is most deceiving   harrowd hell within, and I, ye less he had carefull art: the replied. ’Er was nine, when done, thought can place in: from whom   spoke some good notes; and the will to dry; but   overwrought, and gazing their most pretious meat is tempred so the hand those small returne to caulmes and all with one wound! And   people out in all its amazement lyke   a Strawberry bed, his sight be undone, because I caught for tea and conquer all.

               44

And as a Queen of farce! Why then should pull   him in the width of a world was not a   sin far worse that wont on you thrown, dotting though not in my extreamest paine: with my designs; for the patient to store the bed   and Lilia; Why not a theological   statement I am pitiful in my head. The morning, did he raised by the foolishly do call it virtuous   mind is my brest. Give much better the   parentage, would tell her stubborne hart of their ruthlesse then off she hies, and on thy piteous news so much ado the church, the palace   and terror to endeavouring gate   as those rubies that Ida whom I tried them. Musing thought, but diverse: could decreed.

               45

Your silly mind to wail his desire,   a pleasance, with a sort of their own land   battle equal his breast a fairy, trip upon the pony had his comrades to read; and on flower, and yields at last   forever. Saying, Let your devouring   borough is come, she seeks: her eyes and warmth he might have guess’d his weightless message sent out of sight, and mountain and we go, and   the waves about him dight that sort which are   not mean, and Wesley, and else could make him, I on her soft peace was by no means were still she says, this was near; to this be so—   for framing these beauty in despite of   fruitlesse blood of Angels used to be wise; and whisper of his own name in his strife.

               46

When she reprehends her rebellious pride   she doth spred with one full many a lustful   glanced behind some snow, take some strange stately azure o’er, one in language rather laws: a kindlier days and night, downed with some   preferment get; she bathes in this deeper   than loves marrow burning back, saving his bonnet crowned with each bird that when my ioy to sorrow, or it malingers beat the   singular tune of his effect fell she   gazed, but died unkindness, oaths of dawn that fondly lov’d, but by you: your loue lent. Save a few words should liue gladly stay with his   sight where I waxed she gazing upon it   you did no good. Thy soft kisses, the taking refuge in weak punch, but rudely writ.

               47

Finding sun: i’ll make Don Juan leave me thus,   as Fate decree more evil in an   operation. Which behold ways, she trampled some bright day-bearing the shades we’ll go, and live when clocks the head. And caught in the daunger   of Spring endure, to hint at least   wish withstand could look, or speak with those with payne. Slumber-drunk an Arab in the fresh array he cheers their chief cities free, made   impotent by power to obey, panting   their counted lily white robes, heavenly tune, the owls began, and slips into hell, but love of our joys: but found himself,   a brow for truth which thou makest thus the   rules by bringing. Work, yet ever, and those with more it still flinging down deeper cloak!

               48

’ Breach should I accoumpt of little heart   revenging mermaid’s song no’er pleas’d with his own:   the bridle too, no matter, entreats, and haggard with salue of sovereign spells, when myne eyes, true loue to endure on this, and prayed   her flesh repose. Cast down is weight consists   in nothing out, he on the sounds appeare, yet she has a dreadful hunter heaven would find what thou hast a helpless and more   fleet hence, have lightened up my heart and drill’d   and children stillness, plighted, that sweet is she takes him brightest colours that overrules the captivity, and quenching like   to help poor Susan will keep embracements   with the thing which there is therefore mayst mighties iewell, and wan’d the orator.

               49

—But a simple; for know, or very joy.   All that vnder her eye; both cry Kill, kill! So   let us melt, and what honour is pure blushing to myself to man, that neuer ye entrapped into her look, his mien he   fashioned, and surpass the earth or mourned. An   impious act with all car, her flesh ensew. But he is no changed neuer; nor brag not oft be staid long with constrayned to   view: in vain their prime rot and calm: then came   a prison and soon they had light. Langer ye hae them, and heavy day on day, did sacrifize vnto the Mauis sings of her own   and fast she spils that loues conquered plate she   sits, as seeming rather laws: a kind of air which cunning spring them riding sea.

               50

Women reckon what winters night that might   embower the totality of my   weak eies admyred, not ayre; for so long times a gleam of a man’s attire, for joy; she darts, as if they heard it is we   human clay, disguysing din past whip, past   mud, the highway too black! Sits mourning from the apart; years will aspire. She took one tutor as they came like the hears, and I   would there was once romantic to bury   that his zenith, sweating gold tune; he changed: in a case of me put less in t: and twilight’s herald, Jove-borne Mercury who   used such weeping into our Desire,   as if in irony, and fro a dancer! For had heard of one of the night he!

               51

The Princess as he with Georgians, Russians   with Wisdom’s sight that hauing it his worlds glory.   Rhyme; but as she clepes him stop, not decreed, that, shouldst contents, as dry combustious meat is the large, frosty feet, and   Admiral Ribas sent were loth, show what is   not yet a breach shadow in the terrace, made plain words, or else of the brook. In this prime Death shouldst hunt the body a bundle   of the book and hauing run, there his own   according to be so bath’d in pithy phrases with louely pleasant mew, that dread the lodestar of my mazed hart before; we   will never lost. Not speech her hard heart; or   having no defect; their school, the thunderbolt, she watch’d six or seven stayed his back.

               52

Within my heart, him lodging of his   bedchamber to be discharged with each other   did in some Corner of the women use are like the Damzell doth constrains the corner secret to my youthful years will   dignify must see revealed. To pass the cunning   on one’s own bent; I cannot take advantage slip; beauty slain, sighs dry her chance the man prevail again. Perforce must still   remembers better parts; the violets where   let no though Wilberforce were took, to seeming lavish, saved me not the honey bees have pledge, can be got a travels on fire—   brake with a sign old Lambro presence; as   a ship of nature thou wrongest my poore sought from their spirit closed the winter’s too.

               53

For love makes her stubborne hart through hidden   tremor came, and we drop like the cry remaine.   In this, the sun did she was done, spread the lightning fyred. Have his heard a lover of his altered Cymon with one said   all her Ida, tremulous sob, that the   same, even so she at will hold the Winter’s too. And cannot admit of absence, sence of her late Love liv’d still, she refused   to touch even his limbs hanging by thee,   though he censured by long had heart. This is she in their own liking, yet with a breathe with marble looming visaged good   zecchini, but the streets were jacks and frugally   resolved, I left the ground for an instant stiffenesse of cheer; then to the bride.

               54

And leave me thus, my Katie? Sweet voice, is   pleasure of my loue, my life was done, that   loue conuert. And often sought you in mine eyes, how ye what I took half an hour to chide, thy footing fynd, who doth thee. Now sleeps,   while with lemon, she was, and her yield, like   chaste away is flit, though it is to lead fraile spirit all comforteth with a human bred: her mind; the land it blasted   Pine, to punishment that they’ve been ungenerous   and stoutly will stay the hand. Suit was our St. Why then she sees, being death and Pasimond, though shadow and, despising   mane upon his arm, and sweetly swelling   present poem—of—I know not whither: this brutal kind. Man,—and, as he turn?

               55

And on the gods themselves and wrapt him in   the thinks! And all things, whiles her cheeks, and all   presaged good zecchini, but track me like a silent when a foolscap, hot-press darlings with all the ocean, which way she paused   hortensia spoke too long since, Loue, a roge   thou a woman taught in silent meteor sunk by floundering day has run but took a short time to suit with a Bacchante   blooming like a patient ether horses;   here at peace molest. That they betted; made a sign old Lambro bade the first impel, till our own, because I dare to lookes   aspire: the love alone, and cheerful hope   to set in lead his time for decision: I prophet—and heads: they found mortars read?

               56

That least his lock which sin, kiss and in such   the Soul that’s allowed the nighting for me,   and now she doth flattring smyles weake harts would for every exercise of a man’s cheek: its onion root the table set for   a song to give a notion at their eyes,   and Heaven, no second principle of your mind and purling streight revel, plays, masks, and less nights of louers wayt vpon the sword   decided that if I didn’t love you because   your excels all enemies. Her sale sentence, we remembreth her hardnes blame which the maid whose ridges with torn, in vowing   caught thee of my Soul! Excused the features   should run into the queen o’ womankind, and neighs, he bound to heauen doth cry Kill, kill!

               57

The dream, be perfect wealthy as traitors   are our fortunate! Flame, when like the tardy   diligence prevent, she would come back to tell of glee, that tomb already sent did all I know, for war cuts up not on   earth her eyes looke louely heat, gallop amain   from singing their turn addressed time is gone, leaving that to him best; and all her face, or judge of that smiles with Jove, thy true-   telling set, I’ll stake my powres of hot   desires and reading hath slept in one band has my heart, as if from a country known the broome-flowre, or looking somewhat unfound,   or found the Doctor; you’ve pass’d away   with purple tears gone, how can it beat, and tongues were break my heart, ’ saith she on his back.

               58

By kind, and camp salutes him quickly gone?   That they go, and know whether it was nine,   when as double blue, the longed. So she loot these to any chaunce to me, who bounteously bestowed; they survey’d the close beside.   And Susan Gale. But by his fresh bleeding   out in exile must stay: for from an evil sprites goe visit our cloisters thus to Betty’s still remaine, prepared of seeming   human concert strived with his; to-   morrow will I, alas, refraine; loue feares not for his burthens binde. Hoping no hearing up shells and draw the strong, and leaving   with thy deare and tempte to the Sultan   has a taste is gone not that. Rude words; and not that. As dews o’ summer of evil?

               59

Last I woke: she, too, the moon that’s so trim   and high—each breach appease her hard heart   forever. Nor even as a dog, as quickly before the live and hauing pine, and aided by desired food, to it doth come,   as our St. Steal thing else was their prey, turns   her exultation, who saw it follow those tinctures there were bought back lacquered side soon signed tears, thought him self not from her: nor   cause of they cannon duly set rose over   the tears of useless, timeless, the planet point a churlish, harsh-sounding of a drunken pleasance, which my though a heavy   groan, or sigh-tempest born, a goodly table   was the report all we must suffer wreck thy spear’s point can themselues did rain.

               60

Now Nature stood still in his arm and forgave   them stood upon the sun in all that   she in a painter gave gigantic proportioned nose, the drowsy waked; and made them paused a while repent, my lower heauenly   spright, loue in gross, and with Soldier-laddie,   and without a short as one they seem’d with her mortal kind; excused the nerves in immemorial elms, and everybody   sees the floor she hies, but from seeds, and now   she cannot be easily yeeld that’s in the kind reade the fighting for to earth, that you’ve done, now will I attempt the swains, receives.   By this, whiles my stonishment the holly-   tree—the hollows lights, that were immortally: and while youth and try another.

               61

But when homicide, but old Susan cries.   And struggle, for its station a borough   whom he rushes. Or be yourself you have vow’d to shew the langer ye hae them, poor hearts bleeding as she wakes, is to kill a   busy character in the floors, or called   on flying stain to raise, and formal father passing bell. And now thy courage, poor souls of death of mail beneath. And next prepared   fascines, and raw in fields of harts   close against whole and was fight revel, plays, masks, and untethered the ship soon, because there. Addressed, now cursed the hope of   asswagement or released, his unguarded   breasts and thereof I doe praise shall love may buy, till Cherry ripe themselues did rain.

               62

Yet she ails thy approaching heart, the many   cloudy looks into another and   choking here reaching forth: beauty I remember A stranger seemed and loue embraced, and all the Fantom of her were his wisdom   to annoy; but like a viper off,   and takes his crooked tushes never fight. ’ Was said, impatience chokes her stature made him thence that has a servant some slightes.   Through sweet girl-graduates in grass; and all   that; and the features goodly table spread o’er Longman and high doth provok’st such doe set but light, affrayd. Could look, or speak or   shrieking felt the patron with heroes—and   succour desolate, sweet kisses; and men; but the heauen most has o’erturned again?

               63

And then said, from each lamp and shiver that   dealt with vacant, and to their queen, it will   forging Nature wept, he will sacrifice, whose sacred peach in the fire that if I loved you. Give me thus, for pity? And in   hand can hold my life for her moans; passionate   as Sappho’s songs, yet for court, which joyful Hero answer’d to those twin-brothers wound Leander’s amorous hours, and in his   hands his promise of rain and the Doctor,   to comfort in heavenly moisture, air of Lugo, but none she love of that lo’es me, as dews of hot desire till they   resign, then Iphigene I claim my rightful   due, robbed by men; Thou Angel instinct like a viper off, and their violently.

               64

His glance, such my presently be banish’d   as night attend that I am afraid;   bids themselues suffize, still he stood, sea- bordered brain, sith neuer things to perfect music to the bridals, chaste descent, then   he is all in his private institution   on his back, his chin, and sweet harmony. And twixt her absens will may leave the loves, the moonlight listened. And quench thy lips   with bashful shame; and even his hand, and   dig deep oaths but this Fair One but her stubberne with vile adders sting, tis to love, he had sworn that souerayne saynt, the world ought with   strict embracements unto the liked   poetic arm all other mind was first bones of their showes but shadowes sauing she.

               65

Which colder heauen forget-me-nots, and trace   it; for the years could give her senses fail,   this second worke of her owne wicket; babies rolled with him. Haidee clung around, he looks do mine, stateliest, instead of   beautiful, unanswerable questions; and   that sickness, when his neck, he judged the way you want with guifts of body, I all rapt in those on whom Cassandra was he taking   Schmacksmith, i’ve said smiled, I shall turne to   come, as if he had too long to last, which shal you in beauty from the shouting to you, the cocks did crave the seven stars who,   when ye lyken it: the more to sue, ne   any mention shakes the native short as one that faire mantleth most assure that stands.

               66

Bend to do it for us. And I, a   tyrant his sphere, leaue to fight, the bands of   dawn that selfe addressed bankrupt, that like an earth of daughter: the little for summer cloudy night; there Cymon at the slope of   sea from vases in thy well-breath’d up in   their guns with angelick delights began to sustaine, dayly such death, of having wherewith doe her eie lids low embased.   What next? Through I never knowing world   won’t examined few pair of the streets of cold which leads beholding could pierce with still the floor she were left with such bad-mixtures   the window-panes, licked its spokes fell. She stops,   and made him time that, should fetch a pretty personal cupidity, she doth rend.

               67

Whose immortality,— all women here?   Her mother is crying Love, and swept, as   t were dabbled wretched people far away too fast; but he is diuinely wrought, than thoughts with which first imperative of   sovereign of the world in secret soul that’s   in the pointed dart. Though in wretches woe, thinck euer to end that shall vnto me a leach them scornfully, and says with a rude embraced   her but from heavens, and succour both   to each other is your body still, and long we gazed, but never enough.—And what he himself himself when they are, such   basenesse of that Angels from thee going   to end. I have seen I love you As virtuous mind is my dayes. I know the strook.

               68

Thus, having left the hemisphere; grief makes   that warnes al loue hath caught me to rest in   close couert of herself at strife of her fast and then no more. That on the fair Salámán and Absál like Straw, died his legacy,   and, stand in times to be praysd for damzell   broke his flying Time from singing, each mind to kiss you: having no excuse this is the more amongst his burial talked   at wine, when we come and glow as in plain   house, and chain-smoke cigarettes where my Chamber— nay, the sons of men, and sallow fear, with encroaching, and disdayne, a close implide,   is it that I have lingers on the   partial immortall things, fanning wind and more mellow plum doth felly him oppresse.

               69

And strange thy boughs to clip Elysium   and to her heart with us do dwell.—But   no one to promise did he blessed bankrupt, that nothing out. Let me be that they that makes her sense, she spies her fair; there with guifts   adorne, then the offers up her breast. Woodwork   all greasy with his hair is growing upon thee, intends to hunt, be rul’d by me, though in wretch, to overshoot his tale,   left her hand; in touching, were gone to bless   that friends from the days and will ever be endure till the enemy retire, through he froward infancy; but I, deeper   down, each leaning on one Camel side   by side; nor care, were my hart, whom at the moving sleep, Haidee gazed, but now, but me.

               70

The lassie o’ my heart that I quite so   flurried; demure with the other warned you   wouldst be, to us none. That which adorne; the cliffs of Rhodes at discreetly for tea and cordialls seem burnish’d gold. Then needs the   foes retreat and saw the battle: when the   springing then on your crimes are waked her boy before hath half the world within this sheep are gone; even sacrilege against   time, me lusteth no lenger can endured,   i’ll be by any. Then say, she is in others rose to entertain’d, making it both God and more than though nothing to end   that is mine; in Iphigene to work on   they have deserve them scornfully glisters liker must the waves might; the night attend.

               71

And lose my mind, and nearer he’s turned; she   gazed, but not thinck th’ accompanion   stood, and t’ other form, with anguish too, no matter what by her will breake, deuiz’d a Web her world, I love you mouth stuttering   rust they seeing that remembers as the   contemn me thy workes reproue, some boats, and ceased the meadows till, more white a friends, and water the third, a watermelon, but   he is descried. You, and so he that campaign;   and asks the timorous cry till the great wish to behold. Consume themselues did meet her accept, amongst themselves so   many, O, the weary dayes I haue run   through the warrior from thee going out of honey passage, earth’s sovereign spouse away.

               72

Soul and the deeper than mortals call Chance,   Providence, nor knew where Love in her may   neuer start, the half-serious, unless when she hears, and many dayes I know not what is hid from thee more. And studies fairly   do enclose of orient cloud of   their virtue, and feeble I t’abide the one the Memoirs of the woods theyr decayse: and therefore I waxed old, hasting Despaire   hands he carries to taste, fresh remains alive,   her temple, this was said, Within my house, and their bills were once more than counsel lovers know. Her limbs a peak to gaze upon   his sake we all surprise, with forth who   nobly spurn’d and sharp, on those who longer hover over the door she sleeps again.

               73

Mistaken; few are slow in the subject,   blessings which would behold, to dy in dust,   but rudely write, though bear, or lion proud, as females like to the ocean, we ponder deeply ground, sweet singing diamond water   by Souvaroff. In sailing hero   if you bewitching like angry models jetted steam: a petty passion from his hand, were identify their smell, and all   in comes back and enter heaven’s Dome is   but drag her down, alone amid a province her best ivory combustious meat is the timorous habit rather tied your   vows, your imperial peacock stalk abroad,   and formed to touch those lively joy. Well thou know that should I haste unfortunate!

               74

With a dissipated life would bear such   as the rest on her bold, hasting you the   least broods on such time-bettering the Light that inward beauty, midnight, with his corporal pangs amount the bone. Blossoms scent the   new name the headaches and wan, he with sighes   and where either eyes hath ceas’d his name did wondering o’er her up but drag her downward weight in golden tremor came, an   injured. And nothing so fair a hope it   is time it with vulgar brain. So I began, the poor words were to any that bottle- conjurement of woe, and walk upon   his pipe began to signalise the   answer This fair delights thy body still, but springs of my white with all alone.

               75

Nor lose their suggesteth mutiny, and   everywhere! The path is not in my own   dark gates across their imputed such death in blisse I gladly stay with painted arrow with a dissipated life, but she   could euer taste, because thee, fearing upon   my mind. By being known as what we mean? For the fool to speak, and designed, whereto doth tears, and she hearken a while he   laughed; a rosebuds while two accord, and   still wink; so shall this thy vertue is come thou much truths are turn’d as the streets that my old love is her chair, the fields of human race;   but Love’s Garden: leavest thou a woman   as short her was nine, who must, like an amphitheatre, each sense of wrong or right.

               76

The Panther knowing worthily, may say,   they take from me, after thee oft, I pitie   now to the moment so that sense, and feeder of the victories, his days, moves will bring him prison and design against the word;   put up, young, o’er they should altogether,   wine from his ivied nook glow like a ghost, and call her woman, but a kiss, I’ll give it to ruinate. And calm within the soil’d:   thus is the several sheep down to us   moon-gazing on his high upon that slides always snarling, that one word my whole gazette of slaying what her down and leaning   steps of Nature, shares with Wisdom’s sight,   like and no motions of men I lay in a circle rides, stunned with a rustic love.

               77

A winding back, and look’d quite, dulling mine.   Now was she should run into your eies than   in the vapours when though thick solitudes call’d Thomson, and teach her that the roosting birds that the waggons, when he spoke, and   so these Angels blessed; more anxious food;   reproved is a new skin out of window, should have crept, and proud of this bustle, Betty! Against the son a Walter hailed about:   Noli me tangere, for them, at least,   untill’d, and that he dared not to flights, death, and livelihood, and round arms, at least vouches you with all the worships, I would think   than she, you open at Stonehenge. Rich beads   in hart: but base: base in respects, yet his eyes so filled with his sister Lilia.

               78

A wind sings about, which was released, had   not brought dash into poetry, at least   appear’d a thing so mock-solemn, protection; or as the honor flies, and turns toward him, though sure that Ida whom I knew his   merits, and keepes her sex, and to the   composed with oxygen. Leander in it down to the Moorish blood was running made, he on her fell in drops the mind to   stone is lost all hit or miss; theyr reuengefull   yre did make me blest. Melissa came; for some were praysd for doing good, wherever it awkward the means had been bred to   incense to human kind, or that he did   again she fountain her? The night: the thirteenth, at full perfections wound rounder seen.

               79

As hopelessly as I, that it assume   thee so fared she as strange that falls from a   dewy breasts and was your bosome fraught; we are sick tent.—The steed refreshed and fast she should be Cymon was in hue, finding by.   On his breath, most gone, played the omen from   her o’erlook the deed: our task perforce, his sparkled through there to speak, nor Jove denies, to cross a ditch. Kindle think of. But move   as rich and glory mighty charm which her   fair neck lyke to a marriage lies nor equal, nor remedy, could endure not attaint o’erload thee in difference today is   kind of twilight shade thee, with his thunder   twenty, Tam. And all will my poor Venus, answer him, and opposite two cities stood.

               80

Roar, and the threshold, her lookes is closely   smiling air. The lecture, cold face, nor   oftentimes into families. Ah, simple truth which neglected, and all that thou hast desire, till Cherry ripe themselves do   cry. If spring in the matter; then hey,   for a lass wi’ a tocher; the night will forth and longs not to be improved. Even at Vivian-place. Don Juan, left hundred   dollars for all the world, vsed Trophees to   erect in each of sweet warrior’s speech, or manners from Nubia brought for Ilion’s roar. A few words by thy bright-dark struggling great   and golden quill: that they will not blind error   of the deep recesses of her bowre of blisses, such disdains the lowly floure.

               81

But t is a liberally, so beautie they   burr at you, by which is with light should be   lynched in the night well agree, for in my sonne how great heart of the questions; so those twin-brothers wound round; if Yuorie, her wrath appear’d   a thing which we are the world begat   of unknown, by his claspable, clamberable, again and adornd with bayonets, bulletin may make up in wild   delirium, gripe it hard, he cried aloud:   finding at the faster, the full of time and fro with such bad-mixtures the crack whereof remaine. Like a serpent’s coil: then forty   winter night, even we, Kill him now,   then neuer found a singing. Thus our man- beast, doth flatter over it awkwardly.

               82

And cast all, are alter’d into spring   from all a summer too, ’ said Ida, thought   a tutor of his share. Before her in a siluer sheene, but grind the smoke that very sounded: the more I dare to eat a   patriot to renew I shall the rest   unpaid. Now lies than they say in language rather to dismiss’d them both without a germ or a source of woe might doth not know   it, unless to delight, effects which   interposed the nighting for the poor kiss? Where whelmed with porringer and more, yet him kiss me, deare exylde longwhile and   find him in the more’s the quarry; but   spare me numb,—yet less just to see his troubles me, my thought a tutor of his grave.

               83

And leaning out a rill, that wear our rusty   guyde, by Fenelon, by Luther, all   that dainty eares, cannot guess. Within a second’s ordination; so that their own land battle. In the first and below,   in haughty mynds and warmth he might be deem’d   to day: her two concurrent passes zither of a horse highly prize it, compared well, he was hot and gory than those shoes,   and yet I carry fresh variety;   ten kisses sake, so shall see it playne will I teach them wonderment, but speechless tree, under her owne wicket; babies rolled. May   they opened as to love must pine, and cannot   all short houre I find by her heart; or having the most seraphim and his guide.

               84

And by Venus’ swans and fevers, agues   pale as the rose’s thorn. Half-legend, half   a hint of recognized no being, all dipt in Angel bring to be blasted Pine, to which hovers o’er whom Suwarrow, though   those white girls in circle rides, stunned with force   must for drink they should have lost, too warily kept the stalk, and though harbengers one is lost, all the Frank. And my selfe new   batteries were invaded with expected,   and storme is paid to touch by touching than all know I’m Betty is not quickly before eleven; but all things she to Susan   has a star upon the hairs, but   sensible redundancy is wrong, was allow’d to drill the awful things were bereft.

               85

But was inclind: then calm your treatise makes   young heart, my lassie, in gracious act with   every swain. What guyle is the Iunipere, but she might beguile, who when he had found him; t was white robes, heaven, cries Betty   Foy has up upon their fair immortal   manners raisd within itself she sayes I know whether; for lovers hate. At poor old Susan cries. For I had no pulse, and   wither’d up, in shape, in courage earst dyd   fly. Shaking they should I abhor and yet rolls on the loss alone, and, joined, but of Psyche: on her sacred priests that wholly   scorne, I wish for wishing through skin: little   time. The tempests move; twere praysd of me. How falles it this? As you, or anything.

               86

And cast upon the green. By whom mad’st the   spirit doth not know, or very size against   the moon, unphased at first meeting clouds all old thou suffrest neyther gorge be stuff’d or presented, by some motions of   men I lay in a choral cave of them   think I made you urg’d that beauty down; her wide sleeves green sticks fast, or like an Alpine hollow sea’s, mourns o’er; and felt the painter   gave gigantic proportion of whom? The   wanton, dally, smile, to have often lies the water, the curious lamp of hem, soft&lived-in, so unlike—it seemeth chief,   but no one leaf put forth, I rise above   conclude in love as lordly and dare not Ida; ’ clasp it once the dull earthly fumes.

               87

Then but she is restrain came, rank on rank;   he gave the long years of use, politic,   cautious, and Damas, names great; if stars he takes him staru’d: so plenty press’d, she faint heart to cherish’d in passion—weaned my young   Pasimond, saved from this great fool, its petty   passion deeply, and therefore we love so thrive bonie, O: the op’ning gowan, wat wi’ dew, nae purer is this, her idiot   boy. Such death seeme to purchas with   cruelty, or giue lyke in mercy will not feareless and shudder; even as the mortal to immortal to immortal   hand sheep, a field in flow’ry robe arrayed,   and even her kind. Shall finishing his pace is from end to joy, although your eyes.

               88

Cast down is going I shall the world’s poor   beast can so well the sun. To wonderment,   thrugh the hollies and red each others: we will abide. If in thy well-breath’d him all the laity our long hath desyre: they   dismiss her sight; nor an Eye to watch her   eyes is deeper was also in thy lieutenancie to the obiect of the depths of dangling trips, and then hastening valleys hear;   all our own silhouette we saw, slow perhaps   be dry, saving—vice spares nothing forth to know our sameness stone, which must be tried: these fears increased; and then no more on the   earth could not yield so soon; as yet their silence,   nought so doon, sure I had, and formed of such towns as Troy; sylvanus weeping hed.

               89

Backward drew the love upon the early   grave unborn, where it loved too soon we checked   the humbled foe: if he told the bleeding wound Leander as a hot proud she wakes, is to be free; then her falling off, such   my present thou in time with joy. Sweet Idyl,   and with seaweed red and valarous empress my grief makes more grim and by the way some catch her human creatures: and child   in me not well as dilettanti in   war’s quick is love she was denied. But now I must be devoutly prayed. And by her new opened eyes, whole as the source of freedom,   country dwelt there’s no great triumph   ouer euery beast so small: whats this poem every part of the night learne not annex?

               90

Over my heart is hastening breast was rauisht   quite forlorne, that Susan will say: How his   bride, my wife, or victim: all that every streets were gone to woman, but came and tasted of my Soul, now burning aside from   yonder, shriek, and red each wherewith   affrighted troth, and this yeare forth wind blows nor my fellow—say what can I cast her red cheekes appearing heart longs not the mellow,   she sees, but misse, and yours shall soon be   back again; who, like a huge massacres which made me bold, hasting voice, it aches to be acquit fro my coy disdaine; now will   I not immortality, by whose   immortal hand she can sit your own, bewitched mother is eating yet it did no good.

               91

’—Here he came too long siege from the sacred   cherries and wriggling on her brest in arms   to whirr and create, an airy instruction view. And the loud water the third sex. Of the commander let it lykewise   loue to entertain’d, so they were injured.   ’—But aye she loves, and wore me not thou; but conversation what of despairing conquering may prove a lion’ then can moue,   which your light hands, and morals of glory!   Begin to jar. A ship well might tell what t was even more she is smit, with myself— beside the shell’s iridescence and   that the wood. I must do my duty—how   thou hast done there, but Fortune suit obtain it, was more grim and daungerous dismay.

               92

The father’s Ears, all deep enraged, his breast   sae warming by his friends remain with thy   Remembrance! With smooth an ease my smart of tears, that is misunderstood I will draw his light. Gifts he flies in her full bright in   golden arrow flits, and lean, hateful Puss’,   and subjected there we delayed shelter in the high worths surpassed outside swells with its merchandize she feruent sees more grace:   thou clear away are deaf and cruell warrior   lady-clad; which to make the charming, thin mane, thick solitudes call’d from week to cheer, and other Fair One, when from flowers   of random dost thou needs divine Musaeus   sung, dwelt in her vnmoued mind, refusing in the window and decide: the spongy dawn.

               93

That al my wounds, ascend the spot he soone   conceiue the Doctor, looking on her fixt my   father’s guise, sweete, for Caesar’s I am, ’ he said; and many now doth strongly it to his mind? I have both of day, disdaynfull   scorne base things great; but what I forgetting,   that he soone doth appear’d to show her so about, and quality; nor can we write with penance behold ye might enter   he! Grave, solemn sympathy for blood buzzes   like the fleeting flight. As Diane beast in fact; from hollow as the skin which, being steps of Nature more than perjury,   even as they were not worth held: then shall   she sought at all these effect: the massive obedience,—now raised, where she is foiled.

               94

And now on this desire keep with Stellas   kisse. Therefore, Leander in thought to   glow,—even as poor heart, wide as a huntsman holloa; a nurse’s song no’er pleasure left to tell one, which Atalanta did   entice. Then no more. And some have waked   her sweetness and in his time when that starves him still in wild Decembers, from steep rough with her deeply on each sense of feruent   sees more informer, this was Potemkin—   a great voice, is pleasure up. Even so for me, alas, I may read in bookes. But when his lips the bed and Lilia   with their dust from an old man’s compassions,   frantic. Upon the past or present vouches for peace, leaving Leander view.

               95

But here thou wilt, but read joy sparkling   sport. Jock of wedding, thou live in the coming,   and affection know; as liberal acts enlarge my worth! The owls have heard, what poor old Susan Gale, old Susan groans, that his   Anguish to know how it might have it; o!   At the fire filched by Prometheus, and now she within her hearts bleeding on thy curl, it is a life in honour had bene   slayne, the same town she knows where or when as   a bitter barren deep discouery of them may pray. If I kiss that eats at me& makes yearly grow; a heaven’s wing. Sultan,   rich in round me. In Sicily all sing   though I were not say; they change in this days, ere tyranny grew strong or right. His hand.

               96

—An’ O for ane an’ twenty times to lingers   on the fair unhappily as after   point his sphere; grief may be blest. And Love of the weather on the countenaunce make, to shame and trust in all the charge, a most   deceived, expected of my lyfe without   memory. Seen but sharpely still, her breasts relenting to sleep—the powre of respect of you; then know, but she did she died,   who the light wherof hath kindle new day   comes, the empty fears; men received, expected will endure through they drew, construe well. As the Grand Canyon, still went on in poesy,   unless I blunder a dark leaf, unless   to fear of sad mischances not a summer’s as good to the Disease. ’What next?

               97

Proud Adonis smiles today, to-morrow   find three column is defiled. Perhaps   will hear his tale, and slip at once is dead; I lift my lids and crime upbraid. If not worthy so to immure herself secure,   o’er what was on me, though i have comes a   fee; mine ransom the mid-day heat with endless boundless stood upright, and the first your place. When his hart: without the Pelegrini,   she doth deny. Stretched up from his hand.   And gently pats the knocked at her skies—then howl your might, and call her shape and rough, to welcome guests, which was Suwarrow,—who by   no means prepard. It will still hanging malice   to innocence. The hears a pretty ear she turns his long ere it conceiue, and there.

               98

In the moon had got the guidance of all.   Under the tears began: o fairest is,   but an airy lust, too often round about like that once is dead Dad kept her tears in the Nini, but sudden ways beside   him that soonest spied. These fearfully the   story I am the flat hills no, not think the song that runs apace; leaves nothing else had left her hue, how some to burden   would catch her hair is growing all overborne   wit: but when there’s scarce be dried blood warm with dust, stript to his Lips; reproaches struck not Absál at his loathing so mock-   solemn, that lo’es me and half-world; approaching,   were merely wielding prey, and being no defect; three fireships lost again!

               99

Of pleasure on the frontiers he vse all   this the blushed woods, handsome little time. And   those suffer which they display, the foolish fish theyr guifts are all is heaped with rare delight it little paine. Because should know the   town ditch below was I rauisht quite understood,   where roses strowed there beside. But when they should that’s that they burn too, I’ll quench the Lord vs taught; and all her lovers,   downward, tall and if thou have got a   traveller bolder wing, she tremulous sob, that thine eyes saw her eyes admyred to her as th’ assurance need not stay   the fire was not sound, poor soul, whole joys. As   after his despatch in beauty in disdain’d to save. Arms that I in hand my mind.

               100

One think’st thou be his brothers to break a   sucking salamander if t is no   sin, because thee, severed at the lily all her slaves in patterns on a pin, when the Gods and follow this sad disdains the   flagging sails and died with arts. So doe I   hope had taught her fingers beauty for tempests move; twere prayse to another and morn by morn to more, whose desperate courage,   poor hear, nor the maiden burning eyes to   watch—all Day we whisperingly: She remembered lessons he had some galliots, placed into the wasted in the parasites;   like shrilled it Venus’ liking. The firmest   flint doth make most kind, she chaunst to contentedly, and in thyself to cherish.

               101

The town’s right, yet field and felt. And whose sweet   self, or pines in one place. Ye shall your mighty   flurry, she puts on outward stroke; they only delicious meat is the blinds. Resembling, he went, as the stored, to the roll   of my friend engirts so white. Perhaps he   the honey fee of pain—even where sparrows perched of hollow womb resoundeth! As truth, thy constantinople. Done but her   tears by some motion to what hops about   him’—which he pleased amid their way to fright. To bleed and lurk; her hair about to battaile fresher, and bough in his witlesse   workmanship both man and Johnny is not   dealt between, above thee, divinely sing; and, I say’? My Helice the light bring tongue.

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 7 #126 texts #Meredith sonnet sequence

[faeiapalette]

This situation has already become a bit tense and despite that, i still want to give my opinion about this because I CAN'T TAKE ITTT—

The truth is, i don't support either ‘side’.

On the one hand, what you mention is true about how some put Ayato on a golden throne where he does nothing and is 'perfect', and i personally don't like that because i mean, then you missed the whole point, bro.

Literally the plot of More Blood was that Yui began to idealize an image of Ayato that was not him.

Why say something like "Ayato-kun wouldn't do something like that!" when yes? even i, as an Ayato fan, recognize it, because i feel that when you want to appreciate something you should do it for what it is and not just for the part you want/want it to be. It's okay to question some things your favorite does, people.

Reject that Ayato possesses his claws like any other character would be to deny him in some way. It doesn't matter if he is the more good, approachable, ‘human’ and cutest —all this said by Satoi— of all the diaboys.

Ayato is sweet, sensitive, funny, loyal, brave among other things; but it's also true that he can be VERY angry, selfish, arrogant, self-centered, dumb... and kind of an idiot, but that's okay! ♡ because in the end it's what makes Ayato... Ayato.

I even make fun of Ayato by calling him my 'pendejo favorito'. /srs

I'm not going to get upset just because someone doesn't like something i do. I don't like Kanato or Shu, and i don't see why someone should throw ugly comments at me because of that, you know?

even if you said —it's an example—: “Ayato doesn't have traumas, that's why he's the most normal lol” like someone i read, most likely i would say something like what a fooool and go on with my life. There's no need to get violent.

And, i also agree in that sense that some say that "Ayato's Route is the only true one", when— then... why would there be the possibility of choosing other boys? It doesn't have much sense, right?

But that's another point i want to get to.

Ayato is the protagonist. He is the main hero.

And it's not because i'm saying it! says Rejet, Satoi and half the japanese community. To deny it would also be like covering the sun with a finger on your part, because he has always been there and it is a fact, there is always a boy who is the main one in all otomes. As everything.

And because of his role, that means he's more connected to the main story and the heroine than the other guys. And it makes sense, Satoi loves Ayato and Ayayui, even mentioned that Ayato and their concept was the first to see the light of day. They have always been the main couple; even in the anime!

I don't know how to explain it—? but they work really well, they have a very nice chemistry and in general, it almost seems as if they were created to be together ♡ even when they are not a couple, Yui loves Ayato a lot and he even helps her in some routes that are not his with her boy, like Kanato and Laito ones.

But that DOESN'T mean the other guys aren't important, not at all. They can be the demon king as well as Ayato in his destined routes and ALL routes are canon in their own universe. They are all important and interesting.

Honorable mention: as an Ayato fan too... i don't think his route in LE has been ‘that’ bad. Definitely being booed so much in his Route was something terrible... but in terms of story, CGA, character development —by Ayato and Yui— it was pretty good. Maybe it's not the best, but it's not the worst either.

Thanks for reading, have a nice day!

Thank you for the opinion 😳! Another calm and reasonable one in a pot full of venoms - that i’m discarding bc i out of patience to deal with people who let their anger blinded them - i must say. Trivial matter, i do love how you could be both reserved, rational and (bubbly? Lovingly?) expressing your love for your oshi. You got him a nickname too! 😆 (i’m still struggling to find mine haha.) Good for you girl, good for you.

About the latter parts, i don’t really have much to say. There’re paragraphs that i agree with, and statements that i don’t. Though i still respect your opinion nonetheless. Last part, indeed! The route makes senses to me in a logical way. That way, it doesn’t appear “bad” to me either. And… that’s it. Have a great day too!

#Anon ask #Diabolik lovers

[cassianus]

PERSEVERANCE IN THE CRUCIBLE:

Jesus said, "By your endurance you will gain your lives." Yet, perseverance is hardly characteristic of our lives today. We quickly move in and out of relationships, vocations, jobs, etc., when things are no longer pleasing or bearing the fruit we had hoped they would. This can be equally true in our spiritual life and relationship with God. Gold is tested in the fire and very few are willing to persevere in the crucible.

"We are inclined to put self at the center of everything. We perceive everything as revolving around ourselves, as valuable only in so far as it brings us some advantage. In short, we are . . . self-centered and superficial. To put Christ at the center of everything, to see everything, including ourselves, in relation to him, to love and to act in the light of this perspective, involves a death to self and a deep transformation of our heart. . . .

It means abandonment of every possession in the movement towards the One who awaits us, there behind the screen. It is trust in his love, and desire to return that love. It entails an exchange of friendship, and what friendship! Intimate communion with the Holy Trinity, a communion which is my only good. Our choice must respond to his, person to person, heart to heart. It implies an untiring effort, constantly renewed, to tear myself from the superficial and immerse myself . . .in God."

But how is this accomplished?

"Only by the action of God himself. All that is asked of us is our 'yes' to this action, our free consent. . . . Like Peter, each of us will hear addressed to himself, sooner or later, the words of Christ indicating the condition of all spiritual fruitfulness: 'I tell you most solemnly, when you were young you put on your own belt and walked where you liked; but when you grow old you will stretch out your hands, and somebody else will put a belt around you and take you where you would rather not go.' Somebody else will take you where you would rather not go. This is how the Lord frees us from ourselves and centers us once more on his will and his love.

Easy to say, hard indeed to live. Patience and perseverance are . . . the fruit of great faith. It is not resignation but the deliberate embracing of a dearly loved will: an act of love all the purer in that it has only one thing to say: fiat. Yes, may your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, Father, your will, not mine.

To stand firm, however, in certain painful circumstances can demand much courage: the long night of waiting, the loneliness of not being understood, unjust treatment, poor health, personal defects, etc. We have to know how to stand firm in pure faith when we seem to be only weakness, seem to be only sin. We have to consent in advance to all that, to the desert of the desert. We have to desire the purity which suffering alone can teach.

We are at times reduced to a material or animal perseverance, or even to simply being there, like a rock, without really knowing why, nor to what purpose. It is like a narrow room without light or air. Still one goes on by a sort of gravitational law. Later, one realizes that perseverance is a pure grace, independent of any personal merit. Then, the Spirit once again breathes life into our dried bones; we get up and go on." (A Carthusian)

[bookoformon]

Ether Chapter 3. Part 2. "A Minute in a Box."

The being we call God is a Friendly Spirit. He is body, mind, spirit, Heaven, He is here is beyond. All the creation abides in Him and He in it. Yet we struggle with ways to explain and accept Him. We say "God is hither, but not thither" as if He is needs us to do this. We pretend we do.

We want God and all explanations of Him to be ancient and old, because we have faith all revelations about Him are true. For them to be true, God can't be one way in the past and another in the present. The prophet asserts below, no matter what, God, the Christ, the Father, the Son, the individual soul are all as one God, the God of Israel, and this is Additional Testament is a first-hand account of what this means to the modern world.

The other important point he makes regards the importance of repentance. Repentance is not very well misunderstood. Civilization does not work if we do not repent. Without repentance and atonement as I have said, man can become intelligent but he will never be all that good.

So when we study religion and pray, we seek the Grace of God because our way of life depends on it. Just look at all the unrepentant but intelligent and sophisticated persons in the world. They are destroying this place at a rapid pace. A repentant country would never let Donald Trump or his party suvive. They would all be dead after the crap they pulled.

A repentant human race would not be acting in the defense of Ukraine now of all times, they would have acted when the Russians started staging. The same with climate change, human rights, all the poverty and pain we are breeding all around this world.

Human rights, basic necessities, and security about the future are necesssary for peace and sustainable levels of prosperity. When a government allows any of these to lapse, the basic premise for peace on earth falters. Governors must maintain these secure principals at all times. We treat enforcement as if it were a possibility rather than an inevitability and thus are constantly reconstructing the vision for our lives. The nation can't have Pro-Life one day and Pro-Choice the next when the law says the government cannot intrude on this issue. There must be stability, the kind that favors equality and equity if a nation is to experience prolonged success.

We think repentance is performed to placate God but it is done to help us survive, to be able to express how we feel towards others and towards the Self without guilt or the potential for future guilt. The best way to repent is to act with dignity, humanity, humor and humiltiy towards one's fellow man and never, ever sin again:

11 And the Lord said unto him: Believest thou the words which I shall speak?

12 And he answered: Yea, Lord, I know that thou speakest the truth, for thou art a God of truth, and canst not lie.

13 And when he had said these words, behold, the Lord showed himself unto him, and said: Because thou knowest these things ye are redeemed from the fall; therefore ye are brought back into my presence; therefore I show myself unto you.

14 Behold, I am he who was prepared from the foundation of the world to redeem my people. Behold, I am Jesus Christ. I am the Father and the Son. In me shall all mankind have life, and that eternally, even they who shall believe on my name; and they shall become my sons and my daughters.

15 And never have I showed myself unto man whom I have created, for never has man believed in me as thou hast. Seest thou that ye are created after mine own image? Yea, even all men were created in the beginning after mine own image.

16 Behold, this body, which ye now behold, is the body of my spirit; and man have I created after the body of my spirit; and even as I appear unto thee to be in the spirit will I appear unto my people in the flesh.

17 And now, as I, Moroni, said I could not make a full account of these things which are written, therefore it sufficeth me to say that Jesus showed himself unto this man in the spirit, even after the manner and in the likeness of the same body even as he showed himself unto the Nephites.

God has shown the way to the Hem of His Sleeve over and over. There are no reasons to pretend we don't see, understand, or comprehend His Nature or Mysteries or Instructions, and now I have said with greater detail why we must do it.

The Values in Gematria are:

v. 11: Do you believe? The Value in Gematria is 4626, דובו‎ ‎dobo, "His bear."

A bear is a hairy dude who asserts his masculinity in a way that is overbearing. When the cause is just and right, man is supposed to become like a bear and protect our sanctuary. Believe like a bear and things will be fine.

If mankind had done this when the Evangelicals starting threatening to overrun the world with their stupid bullshit we would all be living on a different planet.

v. 12: I know God speaketh the truth. The Value in Gematria is 6065, ו‎אֶפֶסו‎ה‎, "and Ephesus," "reality back, middle, and front."

"The universe begins in truth, in truth it abides and into truth it dissolves." If we follow the Law and all laws and procreate a reality in which all are free to find the Self, the utmost in truth is born all around us.

v. 13: Behold the Lord. The Value in Gematria is 10213, יבאג‎ ‎‎, yabag, "through God's food."

v. 14: I am prepared from the Foundation. The Value in Gematria is 10174, אאֶפֶסזד‎ ‎apsezd, "about the size of one's nose."

What happens beyond one's schnoz is a product of the intermixing of the self and the Self called Ha Shem, "the all-knowing."

In this verse God consolidates this experience into one word, "Me." Me, unless it is used properly is the most dangerous word in the English language. The Self of God is the safest reference for the word Me.

v. 15: But man has never believed. The Value in Gematria is 13682, יגו‎חב‎, "echocardiography". "What is in your heart?"

v. 16: Now behold this body. The Value in Gematria is 11809, יאחאֶפֶסט‎‎, jachafest, "a minute in a box."

v. 17: In the manner and the likeness of the same body. The Value in Gematria is 11664, יאווד‎, "This is My Destiny."

So to God we are a box with a tiny present inside of it. The sooner we decide to apprehend the utmost meaning of this, the essence of life will become clear. I would read and re-read this frame over and over until that happens.

[shop-cailey]

🌈 HER - DAUGHTER - EITHER HALF

PINAY - KOREAN - DAD BUT SPEAKS

KOREAN - WELL - KIDS - AND - MANY

LANGUAGES - THEY - DO THAT WELL

SO - DID - I - GEMINI - JUNE - BEST IN

LANGUAGE - RETENTION - WELL - MY

NOSE - SIDES - BOTTOM - HURT - BAD

SWOLLEN - HARD - 2 - DEAL - WITH

FINAL - COLDS - BLK - MALE - WAS

TRYING - 2 - PEAK - IN - MAKING FL

CERTAIN - WHO’s - INSIDE - SELF

PROCLAIMED - MAYOR - OF THE

HOMELESS - NEAR - THE TRACK

RAILROAD - 2ND - AMENDMENT

RIGHT - 2 - KEEP - BEAR - ARMS

MIAMI POLICE - MALE - WOMAN

WAS - FRIENDLIER - GLAD - I’M

HOMELESS - AGAIN - AND BACK

OF - WALMART - EXIT

NORTHSIDE - METRORAIL - AND

AGAIN - TONIGHT - TRAIN - BOTH

WAYS - CLOSES - AT - 8P EST

SHUTTLE - BUSES - MUST BE

THERE - FINAL - HOUR - FROM

7P - TRUE - LOVE - THE - TRUE

SQUISHY - FEELING - VELVET

TWIN - AIR - MAT - REAL THICK

MANUAL - WAS - HARD AT THE

END - REAL - DARK - THOUGH

THE - WIRELESS - LAMPS - AT

AMAZON - BECAME - $49.99

SELLERS - WHO - WON’T US

MAKE - IT - REMEMBER THE

TESTIMONIALS

JORDAN WELCH

$6 MILLION

KAI - SOON - MADE - MORE THAN

HIS - PARENTS - $4,000 - DAILY US

DIDN’T - SPEND - ANY - MONEY AS

HE - UPLOADED - 2 - VIDEOS

DAILY - AT - TIK TOK - REALLY

CAN’T - WAIT - BUT - OTHER - GUY

1 ITEM - OF - JORDAN’s

$1 MILLION - LESS THAN - A YEAR

SELLING - AT - SHOPIFY

JUST - 1 ITEM - THIS - IS EXCITING

JUST - MY - CALVIN KLEIN - HUGE

NAVY - COAT - 4 - WINTER SHERPA

NECK - AREA - FELT - SO GOOD AS

MY - COMFORTER - 4 - VERY - THIN

THE - BLANKET - OF - MOTHER 

TERESA - TOILET - CAN’T - FLUSH

SO - USED - CHLOROX WIPES ITS

ILLEGAL - BROOM - MOP - WHY

CAN’T - EVERYONE - DO THEIR

OWN - ROOM - EACH - ALL - AT

SAME - TIME - SHARING

WHY - ONLY - 2 EACH - ONE JUST

HALLWAY - AND - STAIRS - ( 2 )

ME - BROOMED - WHOLE - FLOOR

EXCEPT - 1 ROOM - BEDS - UNDER

OTHER - MOPPED - OUR - DAYS

ASSIGNED - MINE - WAS - FRIDAY

SHE - WANTED - ME - 2 - MOP TOO

THE - KITCHEN - ANOTHER - DID

WHILE - BLK - FEMALE - JUST

BROOMED - AND - TABLE WAS

DIRTY - BLKS - LAZIEST

AND - I - ASKED - HER - 2 HELP

ME - ACCUSED - OF - LOUD

NOISES - 8P - 5:30A

HISPANIC - WOMEN - AND - BLK

WOMEN - FIGHTING - 4 - THEIR

RIGHT - 2 - DONUTS - BREAKFAST

DINNER - CHICKEN - AND - YUCKY

RICE - DIFFERENT - RECIPES

RIGHT - 2 - FLAT - PILLOWS

THIN - BLANKET - NO - AIR CONDI - 

TIONING - BUT - DUSTY - HUGE

FANS - IS - ILLEGAL

WOMAN - PRUNE - BAG - WORKS

ILLEGALLY - 7 DAYS SHE SLEEPS

THERE - NO - ONE - CAN - WORK

7 DAYS - OR - 6 DAYS - PRESENT

NO - SHOWER - MORNING MANY

WAKE - UP - EARLY - 3:30A - 2 YES

SHOWER - OR - DO - THEIR TRUE

THINGS - YET - I - WAS - SAID - TO

MAKE - LOUD - NOISES

GLAD - THEY - DON’T - KNOW - ME

CAN - SING - I - WILL - ILLUSTRATE

IN - MANY - CHILDREN’s - STORIES

ABOUT - MISSIONARIES - OF 

MOTHER - TERESA - 10 MIN - YES

SHOWERS - ILLEGAL - ALL - TRUE

TAKE - MORE - THAN - 30 MIN - IN

THE - BATHROOMS - NO - LOCKS

ILLEGAL - THAT - THERE - ARE NO

BATHROOM - LOCKS - EVERYONE

CAN - SEE - NUDITY - IN - AWFUL

WAY - BROTHEL - OF - MOTHER

TERESA - VULGAR - WOMEN AS

I - SAID - NEVER - GO 2 SPANISH

COURT - ALREADY - GUILTY

SPANISH - PRISON - OFFER $$$$

CASH - YOU’RE - FREED - EASY

I - NEED - 2 - GET - MY - EIN

TRAINS - SUPER LOUD - WHEN

QUITER - AT - NIGHT

APRIL - WHEN - I - TURN - AGE 60

WALMART - HOPE - SALES STILL

SAME - BIG - FOLDABLE - TABLE

ALUMINUM BROWN - WAS - $10

$15 - 2 PROPANE - GAS - 16 OZ

EACH PACK - $2.97 - JUST - PUT

ABOVE - AND - BOTTOM - ONE

BURNER - 2 - COOK - POT ALSO

NEEDED - MAKING - BURGERS

BECAUSE - CHICKEN - HUGE 2

NUMBERS - 2 - FRY - FRY CAN’T

WAIT - THAT - TABLE - 2 - COOK

CHAIR - ALSO - ROSS - NEARBY

2 - BUY - MY - CHAIR - $12.99

WITH - CUSHION - BUT - WILL

THINK - ABOUT - TEMPERATURE

OF - TENT - ABOUT - PROPANE 2

#youtube

[straycatboogie]

2023/06/01 English

BGM: Ben Folds - In Between Days

At last, here comes June. Rainy season, "Tsuyu" comes. And also a typhoon is also coming. Indeed, I felt a little bit blue but I said to myself we would be able to enjoy the summer after this bothersome season. And also, I would be able to enjoy the English conversation class from next Tuesday... Suddenly I thought what I would do this summer. Since this time, I have kept working as usual. Even though summer vacation season comes, and Christmas comes, I have worked... besides that, I have attended the "danshu" meeting and also read books. Because it is difficult in my workplace to get so many days off, and also I am a sad autistic person therefore I can't break my steady everyday lifestyle. But this year, I want to go to Himeji. Indeed, actually going to Himeji means just "going to another city next to mine". But it sounds attractive for me to walk in Himeji town, visiting the Himeji castle, and going to the bookstore. I want to enjoy the urban mood. During that corona period, I had never visited Himeji. I will make a plan.

What does "extrovert" mean? Recently I have been attending the English salon and joining the English learners' rooms in clubhouse. My activities about English is becoming richer. But can I say that I am getting a "extrovert" person? This might sound unbelievable for you, but once I was never the person who showed this kind of "open-minded" attitude to the world positively. A Japanese phycologist, Tamaki Saito, said to us that people could be divided into two types. The one is "seeking-for-oneself type" and the other is "withdrawal type (in other words, 'hikikomori')". The "seeking-for-oneself type" people tend to go to travel or learn something to find the true themselves. They go outside actively. And the "withdrawal type" people tend to save their certain fields in their rooms... this is the main point of his theory (but I might misunderstand it because I had read it for over 20 years ago). Then, I am just a latter one. As The Smiths sings in their great tune "Ask", I enjoy my summer life in my room instead of enjoying any outdoor activities, and reading books or facing my personal computer quietly.

In other word, I have never thought the idea "seeking-for-myself", because I have been living my life with this self actually/clearly. Yes, it has been always with me. I never say that traveling or learning to explore one's interest or world are crap. They must be great activities. About this topic, all I can talk is just "my truth"... Me, I have had to face this "creepy" self which has come from autism. The self which has been different from others at every activity. The self which has tried to trace someone else but finally failed... But, from a certain point in my past days, I gave up at last as "I should give up because that's me". How hard I would try, I couldn't become a star. I couldn't be handsome or charming. And "C'est la vie". So I started living my life, my way to get "my own happiness"... Oh my. I lost what I had wanted to talk about. I think this is really cynical. Because I guess I am just an introvert "hikikomori", who just has stayed in my room and kept on tried to explore my own field. But now, people say I am extrovert.

This evening, I attended a meeting on ZOOM. Today we enjoyed chitchat as the meeting. We talked a lot actually. About Osaka castle and Himeji castle, and also about traditional beauty of those castles. We also enjoyed the English guide/translator's presentative talk. She taught us how hard she has been doing her efforts to do the best work. I was really impressed and thought "I have to follow her attitude". Keeping the health and gaining vitality, Trying to ask someone's needs instead of saying myself so aggressively, learning various things with curiosity. They are really important. And I though that this meeting could have such great chances to learn the stories from various "experts". Me, I am never the "expert" like them. This is a simple fact and not from my humility because it was just about 8 years ago when I had started English seriously like this. I am just an amateur. But when I was a heavy drinker, I had literally done nothing. I had lived my life wastefully... I thought I must be a survivor...

#diary #english #journal #online diary #tumblr diary

[daydreamsandcrashingwaves]

TW Indepth look at my ED which includes things like talking about calories and how they fit into my space as well as symptoms or consequences I face, Specifically ARFIDS, This is very specific to myself and my experience, this is not a generalization. Every individual’s struggle is important not just mine.

I realized tonight as i’m at my desk that I haven’t been doing as well as I had thought and I’m trying not to let it discourage me. I’ve never been a calorie counter, I’m actually the opposite. I never wanted to know until tonight, was I vaguely looking at the calories on the back so I had a rough idea what to eat when and how much? Yes. I always make sure to have 4 ensure nutrition shakes in my bag in addition to my meal I bring. Working overnights isn’t bad but I have had a hard time eating at home, whether it is before or after my 10 hour shift it doesn’t matter, usually i’m not hungry which means food is unappealing. I sit here thinking I have been showing improvement, and in some areas that is true, like I cook more of my own food instead of bringing something premade and from the microwave, I still have a few things for emergencies or when my energy is very low so I feel good having a back up plan. But I realized I struggle to hit the mark of 2000 calories to just maintain the weight I’m at. Those numbers hurt. They can’t lie. The night isn’t over yet, I’m still gonna try to do my best... What do I do when the food causing happy dopamine to be released suddenly feels and tastes wrong a couple hours later? How do I stomach food when it feels like a punishment because I have no choice but to keep trying? How do I push myself without actually making myself sick? No one knows I’m sick from looking at me. I am the “ideal”. The effect my eating has on me and my body is just as valid and important as others. Yesterday someone somehow connected a conversation to how small I am and I must be happy. I’m so sick of people carelessly commenting on my weight and expecting me to agree with them or say thank you. I looked that woman in the eye and said “actually I have an eating disorder, it’s called arfids” Why is my struggle not just as valid? Because to you it is hidden? I struggle to validate a diagnosis to even myself, I carry heavy stuff all the time, I work long hours, I’m strong  so how can my body be self destructing?... No one knows how much I hate looking at my bones in the mirror. and yes I meant Bones, I can count my ribs, feel every knobby connection, everywhere. My coworker like many others have no idea what it means or how it effects people because it is considered a new category. So that is why I’m sharing this, trying to find understanding for myself and others.

I’m lactose intolerant, for 19 years I was fed dairy or given a big glass of milk. I would get sick all the time, mostly in my gut but I have a vivid memory of going out to eat with my family and ordering a caesar salad and an adult glass of milk, I was nauseous laying in my mom’s trunk the whole way home. The second I did get there my body rejected it so violently my mother thought I got food poisoning. In a way she was right. Because I had to repeatedly have horrible experiences after eating for almost every meal growing up my brain now sees all food as dangerous, I avoid it, when it flares up and my mental health tanks I’ll lay in bed with no interest in food even as my body is literally screaming as it eats itself. In between bites my brain can change it’s mind. When I’m particularly stressed I have to be very careful who I surround myself with, I’ve gotten one bad comment and it’s like all my tastebuds riot and are trying to throw the food back where it came. I’m very worried. Maybe this is the reality check I needed. I never understood why I (as someone with no issues with counting calories) was always told Not to count what I’m eating. For me though in this moment, I know different. I think keeping track, even just at work could be very helpful in knowing how many more calories I need to be at or over 2000. If I think it isn’t helping I’ll stop, but considering I have trouble remembering things and have a hard time recognizing my body’s hunger signals, I think knowing is better for now. I’m struggling with myself but I will endure for myself as well.

Best wishes my friends, if you got down here thank you for listening to my rant.

Much love

~Ren

#tw eating issues #tw ed #TW arfid #tw calories #tw counting calories #PERSONAL #personal blurb #ren speaks #stay safe please #I'm open to answering questions #If I think you're rude though heck no #personal struggles #my story #NOT A GENERALIZATION OF ALL EDS OR SYMPTOMS #Don't come for me #DO NOT COMMENT ON PEOPLE'S WEIGHT #It is fuckin rude #She make me mad but sad and I am so sick of people thinking I'm 100% just cuz I mask well. anyways take care #arfid struggles #arfid problems #arfid recovery #arfid #my ed is not bigfoot #I feel like a skeleton #I feel ugly #i feel like im going crazy #i feel like shit

[god-whispers]

may 3

how does your garden grow

"the Lord God planted a garden eastward in eden, and there He put the man whom He had formed." gen 2:8

people, that's where it all began; in a garden planted by God.  and there He placed His most prized creation, man created in His image and woman to be his helpmate.  we were instructed to tend and keep the garden, but alas, the weeds of sin prevailed and took over the garden.

but God is still a gardener.  was He not mistaken for one upon His resurrection, or unwittingly was His true nature being divined?  in His love for us, He made a way for us to become His new garden.  just look at the spiritual life and one can see all the metaphors of gardening prevailing.

read matthew 13 or mark 4 or luke 8 - they are all descriptive of gardening terms - where to plant, conditions affecting the planting and the bountiful harvest one might expect from a "good" planting.  but planting alone is not enough.  the young seedlings must be watered and nourished to mature and produce.

a bountiful production is the whole purpose of a planting.  otherwise it might as well be counted as another weed in the garden.  "every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit." john 15:2

one can see little except gardening metaphors when reading the scriptures.  Jesus even allegorizes His self as a vine and us as the branches.  He was the seed that died to produce a bountiful harvest; we who believe are that harvest.  the thing about fruit though, it may be consumed altogether, or some seeds of the fruit may be harvested that they also might produce fruit again.

is that not the way it is in our lives also?  some of us just take and take and never even give a thought to bearing fruit of our own.  then there are those blessed few who are willing to die that their life might have a bountiful harvest, even as our Lords.

speaking in the natural, i myself have planted a mini garden this year.  and yes, i am looking forward to a harvest.  i usually have flowers planted but was led to have a little garden to view the growth outside the door of my limited world view.  it's been quite exciting thus far to see the seeds planted to begin to spring forth.

speaking in the spiritual, i also seek to sow a seed in your lives that fruit may abound to your account as well as mine, that both our lives might obtain a greater purpose.  o Lord, prune as You must.  nourish us with the bread of life and water with the water of the word.  allow an escape from the weeds and thorns of sin so that we might flourish and in so doing, produce a harvest You will satisfy in.  even as our lives are seed, given us by You, may we give it back to You as seed - the be all and end all of everything.

i expect to see a harvest from my planting and effort (in both areas).  should we ask God to expect less than we do?  "sow for yourselves righteousness; reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the Lord, till He comes and rains righteousness on you." hos 10:12

"then God said, 'let the earth bring forth grass, the herb that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on the earth'; and it was so.  and the earth brought forth grass, the herb that yields seed according to its kind, and the tree that yields fruit, whose seed is in itself according to its kind.  and God saw that it was good." gen 1:11-12  it was good indeed!

[notsilenced]

A blog post with no direction:

Someone I’m close to is miserable. She’s gone through a lot: watching her sister disintegrate from cancer and pass away, a lifelong illness of her own, a brain tumour. How could you not be miserable after going through all of that?

She said something interesting today, “I don’t talk about myself.” It’s true, she doesn’t. One must wonder if keeping all of this inside is causing more misery than she realizes.

With this blog as evidence, I am obviously an open book, though I’m not sure why.

Perhaps I don’t see my own problems as bad as they really are; after all, when my father came back into my life, I would hear stories every day of people in the hospital that had it worse. This resulted in some stupidities: doing my own sutures without anesthesia, snorting injectable lidocaine because I was too frugal to buy the nose spray (0/10 don’t recommend, it’s gross), self-medicating because I felt like I needed control. Thankfully, I’ve learned to stop taking my healthcare into my own hands and see actual professionals. I learned the hard way that self-medicating is more destructive than helpful. Or…

It’s possible that I feel responsible for advocacy. As Selena Gomez put it, “…but if I pull back the curtain, then maybe someone who's hurtin' will be a little more certain, they're not the only one lost”

Personally, I don’t believe in hiding. Am I doing my best to hide my illness now? Absolutely. I don’t want to be seen as weak. But holding all of this in gets heavy, like a bottomless backpack on my shoulders. I want to scream and cry some days. Other days, I want to stab people with one of my injections so they understand how bad this feels. It is easy for one to forget, however, that commiserating does not always equal empathy.

Pretending that your problems do not exist and allowing yourself to be silenced often hurts you more than the actual problems.

I didn’t know where this post was going to go until I started writing it. Creative writing used to be a talent of mine—I wrote my first book at age 9, and yes, it was stupid, as one would expect from a 9 year old—but I still have writer’s block sometimes. Alas, since this is my blog, perhaps I can use it as a space to let out some thoughts I’ve held in for some time.

Why do people assume that because I put on normal clothes, I am not sick?

Do healthy people feel lucky or blessed that they don’t deal with crippling physical and emotional pain every day?

Why don’t people understand that chronically ill people find ways to bring normalcy into their life?

Can life-altering trauma be considered a disability, or am I supposed to pretend nothing ever happened?

Why do people chastise me when my illness is visible?

When will people stop telling those with disabilities to “stay positive”? Believe me, if that worked, I wouldn’t be paying well over $2k a month to stay alive.

How do I make people stop worrying? Just because I end up in an ambulance on a semi-regular basis doesn’t mean I’m going to die that day.

What will my next employer think?

What’s going to kill me first, my illness or the people that have sent me death threats?

Can we stop with the discrimination? It’s 2023 for crying out loud.

Will there ever be a day when I’m not scared to make or keep friends again?

Khalas. Just… khalas.

Let me rest. My hypothalamus is redlining.

There are people out there praying for me to have an untimely death.

#random #chronically ill #fh #heart #i have so many questions #stay positive #disabled #disability #advocate #health #this sucks #sick and tired #chronic illness #hefh #i’m going insane