#and it feels so fucking weird

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[haunted-xander]

Well, I guess you didn't have much of a choice either

#sooooo fucked up being a teenage boy just messing around with friends one day #and the next weird monsters are after you #and suspicious guys youve never met before start telling you you shouldnt even exist #and even the gentle girl who seems to know SO much that you met #says you have to disappear #all for the sake of this one boy youve never heard of #who apparently everyone loves and wants back #even if it means essentially killing someone else(you) #and youre expected to just. follow along and sacrifice yourself for him #even though you are also a real perosn with real friends (or so you believe) #and at the end you do it #because youre tired and confused #and part of you feels like it should do it #that its the right thing to do #even though you still dont know anything bc no one will tell you #except for the girl but everyone always goes out of their way to stop her #anyway im rambling the kh2 prolouge is so fucked up when u think about it #roxas #sora #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 2 #kh #kh2 #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[transmascissues]

“trans men don’t have any real safety concerns to worry about” i can’t wear a mask when i go into public bathrooms even though i’m higher risk and bathrooms are some of the easiest places to get sick because i don’t reliably pass when my facial hair is covered and i can’t risk not passing when i use the men’s room, but i also can’t just use the women’s room for safety anymore because i don’t reliably pass as either binary gender anymore. so my only options are to risk getting sick, take my chances with the consequences of not passing, or just never use the bathroom in public (which has its own health risks).

and today, it almost didn’t even matter that i was putting myself in danger to ensure that i passed because, thanks to a faulty lock and a man who didn’t think to knock, i came very close to having my half-naked body exposed to a bathroom full of cis men. if i hadn’t been holding my coat on my lap because there was nowhere in the stall to put it, every single guy waiting in the (very crowded) bathroom would’ve seen that i didn’t have a dick. how well do you think that would’ve gone for me? my money’s on Not Well At All.

#it took me a solid hour to stop shaking after #like yeah maybe the guy who opened the door would’ve have done anything but what about all the other guys? #i feel like the chances that None of those guys would’ve had a problem with trans people is pretty low #i’m so fucking lucky it didn’t happen but even coming that close was Terrifying #starting to use the men’s room consistently is…a time #but when i do it right i get less weird looks than in the women’s room so it’s not like there’s a better option #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia #trans men #transmascs

[loser-jpg]

FUCK EVERYONE WHO SAID ANGEL WAS GONNA BE THE ONE TO DIE HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH THAT SILLY SPIDER BOYS GONNA LIVE FOREVER AND HES GONNA HAVE THE MOST SICKENINGLY SWEET SLOW BURN LOVE STORY WITH THAT STUPID GAMBLING CAT

#loser speaks #huskerdust #hazbin hotel #angel dust #husker hazbin hotel #i love them so much #i want them to be disgustingly in love #i want them to be so healthy it feels vile #i want them to take all the fucking time in the world slowly growing closer and trusting eachother until they get to a point where #theyre both like 'ok we both have known for so long but now we're finally both in a mental and emotional state where were good' #AND THEN I WANT THEM TO START BEING THE MOST IN LOVE COUPLE EVER #AAHWHGRIAHAVR #also fuck those who wanted nifty to die i fuckin love that weird creepy lil bitch shes psycho and i love that about her >:(

[inkskinned]

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

#this btw is not including toxic friendships this is legit just something ive experienced MANY times now #writeblr #you ever have a friend in one of those relationships where ur like #u don't HATE their partner explicitly #but ur like. what the fuck y'all #like the weird part of being an adult is that you can't be like . CERTAIN their relationship is toxic #and also if u move too fast or push too hard u can hurt someone who is already in a scary situation so you just are like #frozen there. laughing awkwardly. saying ''haha..... yeah..... couldn't be me....'' #and like u can't tell - is this banter or does he actually think like. he's better than her. #all you can do is be there for your friend and hope they wake up to it #or ... that it really IS good #and it's just odd to you #tbh btw id rather have my friends feel safe coming to me if they have a concern about my relationship #like yes it's not ur business but it also IS bc im making u hang out with them and also ur my friend #it's a weird thing to experience as an adult bc it is such a blurry line and when u spend time #around couples that aren't like ACTUALLY ur friends but instead ''extended friend circle'' ur like #.... i don't know y'all well enough and he just called you a cow. and ur okay with that . and i don't know how to respond. #so ur like :) okay. um. go to couple's counselling i think #but also you are NOT supposed to pass judgement so it's like.... this weird limbo of feeling like you SHOULD say something #but knowing you CANNOT #idk that there's a way to resolve it!!!!!!!! it's probably a different approach person to person #edited my tags bc tumblr's new system fucked em up #PS EDIT: btw i should have said: #the pronouns in this can work in any and every direction. every gender and every sexuality and every #type of relationship tbh. even non-romantic relationships where ur like ''what do u mean ur bff calls u stupid''

[creepycoffins]

Inspired by this post 🔫🔪

still (and grayscale) under the cut

#millions knives #vash the stampede #trigun maximum #trigun #my art #gif warning #cw eyestrain #ANYWAY THIS POST HAS HAD ME IN ITS FUCKING GRIP SINCE I FIRST SAW IT its not even funny #i havent finished something in a WHILE and i wanted to get a lil silly w it a lil experimental so...gif... #not ship #i always feel kinda sick having to add this as a disclaimer but. rolling my eyes!!! dont be fucking weird!!!

[macksartblock]

i want juice but there's none in this damn house

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #normal oak swallows garcia #normal oak #sparrow oak garcia #sparrow oak #anyway one of my post finale hcs just bc i think it's funny #no more teenie the teen tape/binder thank fuck it still haunts me #i gotta get over feeling weird posting past a certain hour like what is this twitter? i dont think so #my artwork

[softspiderling]

you know what really IRKS me.

how some readers are written so painfully oblivious and like shy and so uwu wdym your wallet is so hard it’s poking my lower back? STFU!! no grown woman doesn’t NOT know that’s a raging boner, why are you writing your readers like they’re children????

#it’s so weird and sus #i always get a fucking weird feeling reading and seeing fics like that #good bye #rafe cameron x reader #jj maybank x reader #coriolanus snow x reader #regulus black x reader #sirius black x reader #tobias eaton x reader #lisi talks #anyone x reader #tbh

[soups-archive]

Honestly, I don't think people give qCellbit enough credit. As much as he can be blinded by his own self depreciation, he knows his husband.

And there is something deeply wrong with "Roier."

Props to cc!Roier for his acting, because as someone who's been watching the both of them for almost a year now, the way he plays Doied with qCellbit makes my stomach churn a little bit.

It's an almost perfect impression of qRoier, but it's wrong in the ways that matter. He's a little too careless. A little too surface level in his portrayal.

He feels like if someone watched Roier's pov and took his attitude at face value without bothering to consider any of the nuances underneath. Which is, I guess, what Doied actually did.

He hits Cellbit with a sword when he's under-geared just "for fun". He stands back in fights when Cellbit's calling out for help. He nonchalantly brings up Bobby in order to convince the eggs and Cellbit to leave. He tells Pepito that he's Pepito's only parent and that Pepito is only his son. The small details all add up together and the result is something immensely off.

It's VERY well acted, and it's the kind of difference that only someone who spent a long time with a character could pick up on, which is exactly why I think qCellbit seems to have caught on so quick.

#qsmp #soup speaks #like dude roier is fucking KILLING IT #he is selling this shit so hard #and to be clear: #i dont think qCellbit has fully picked up that Doied is a different person yet #but i do think he can tell that something is REALLY fucking wrong #he felt a lot more distant towards 'roier' today #and with the shit he's already seen on this island its not gonna be long before he realizes roier's been replaced #as a viewer every conversation they have feels so.... uncanny #and that is as an outside observer #i cannot IMAGINE how weird it must be for qcellbit

[a-sketchy]

fine, i’ll will her into existence myself

psst, full version here

#hamuko arisato #kotone shiomi #wip #my art #uh. i guess? i’m painting directly over the p3r minato battle outfit art #so it feels weird taking credit for it #but on the other hand i’ve spent like 6 hours on this so far #rendering is soooo fucking hard. not having to vibe out the forms of an anime face is nice though #i should do paintovers more often they’re real fun #god i don’t wanna do her fucking bow and hands. and legs and skirt. and naginata #fuck. pray for me #p3r

[tariah23]

oooooo white people in my replies really saying ‘I can excuse racism but I draw the line at homophobia’

Not surprised since this is the site that only talks about racism and thinks it’s a big deal when they see it demonstrated in the cartoons and comics they like *coughs* dungeonmeshi *coughs* (for example at least. I haven’t seen THIS many white ppl talk as in depth about racism on here as much as these fandom nerds, man. I stg. Like “Ohhhh, so you all DO acknowledge that racism is real? Just not in real life even if you could feel it slapping you in the face at high speed. Gotcha.” It’s crazy.

Tumblr is like, 90% white and is extremely centered around them. That’s why you barely see stuff that’s important to black and brown people ever trending here or being talked about. It has to be something incredibly huge to the point where even white people can’t ignore it like they usually do, to talk about it here.

They only talked about George Floyd here because the topic of his death became world news. Even people in other countries were talking about it. Before him, it was probably Ferguson and Trayvon Martin… most of them are still trying their best to ignore the genocides because it’s a “touchy subject.” What do you expect from white people who live in their own bubbles of comfort and refuse to pop it with a needle??? They find comfort in their privilege and faux ignorance (they love playing stupid to avoid conversations about important things outside of fandoms like, are these mfs born with half a brain dedicated to fandom or what.) That’s literally all these mfs make a big deal out of, especially on this annoying ass platform. The ao3 mfs will go to war for the site that allows racist ff and cp like it’s no big deal. I wonder how many people here even donated to the site while actively scrolling past dono posts from folks who really do need help. They act like they’re doing a civil service by defending this site that makes over the amount of it’s intended dono goal in minutes.

Then you already know as soon as you even bring up racism in the stuff they like, they start ganging up and harassing black bloggers especially, calling them TERFs and the whole nine. Anything to make that person look bad for being concerned about the racism that they have such an intense aversion to. God, it’s absolutely exhausting knowing that these people would have no problem choosing a cartoon character over your entire existence if they COULD. Isn’t that fucking sad, man?

#:( #it’s like what can you do #as a black person I get why sm black bloggers here have ‘don’t follow me if you’re white’ in their bios #they’ll call it racist or whatever (it’s fucking not you guys just treat black ppl like shit here and most of us feel unsafe to interact #with y’all. you guys always turn on us at the drop of a hat) #i remember commenting on a HS post funny enough years ago #because the punchline of the post was literally the white mfs saying nigga #and I was so annoyed that I told them off and one of my white mutuals unfollowed meanjsjsjsl #like right after that #and another unfollowed me because I talk about racism and the like a lot like this is a really well known artist too so I was like 🧍🏾‍♀️? #because I talk about racism a lot??? it’s weird lol #like they’ll tolerate you for a while then when they feel offended they start to act weird and act like you’re not supposed to talk about #the stuff that effects you #tkf replies #karmelarts #they don’t give a shit about anything if it doesn’t personally Involve them #they act like they can’t relate to anyone or anything it they aren’t marginalized themselves (being gay or trans which they treat as a #personality trait) #notice how you never see movies/ shows about black and brown ppl trending here? it’s always white centered shit no #matter how hot and popular that show might be #you’ll never see something like the wire snowfall or power trending here #all of the black ppl are on twitter anyway so #sm black ppl got ran off of here by annoying white ppl

[pencildragons]

still insanely funny to me that ortus nigenad has canonically written 18 volumes of epic poetry about a bodyguard who was, in fact, Just Some Guy, and regularly quotes himself out loud in conversations on the regular. man had to die at the start of gtn because he was too fucking powerful to live

#ive been sitting here for like. a solid five fucking minutes trying to come up with a good comparison irl and i Cannot #like imagine if your bodyguard wrote what is basically a huge love song to your great great x10 grandparent's bodyguard and then #he just kept quoting himself in conversations #and then in the weird heaven afterlife you're using as the backdrop of a hallucinated memory sequence to justify the brain surgery you gave #yourself so you could forget the most important person in your life bc she killed herself for you #and you Cannot Conceive Of A Universe Without Her In It #and the dude the bodyguard wrote love songs about in question turns up and is like 'well i was kinda average actually #but thanks to the power of YOUR love songs i can now bend the rules of this liminal space to my will and beat this eldritch monster' #like dude what the fuck #ortus nigenad #harrowhark nonagesimus #tlt #tlt spoilers #htn spoilers #the locked tomb #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #griddlehark #it wasnt in the post but i had griddlehark Feelings in the tags so #words of wyrm

[sergle]

The unspoken part of that too, being called "soft squishy marshmallow mom shaped uwu" and then going, hm, no thanks. That's weird and uncomfortable. Is that people get SO TAKEN ABACK. And almost immediately switch straight into anger, because the idea of a fat person turning down a "compliment" is absolutely unthinkable.

#people HATE IT when you point out that it's weird. they don't even get embarrassed first they just get mad at you #Like these fatties should absolutely be grateful to receive any compliment at all type vibe #I was willing to tolerate you being fat but now that you've had an opinion I'm no longer on your side #don't listen to me I am insane #sergle.txt #and sometimes it IS attraction. THAT'S EVEN MORE FUCKED UP #When someone is attracted to a fat person but you can tell that THEY FEEL WEIRD ABOUT IT. So they ACT WEIRD about it #they don't treat it like they would treat attraction to a thin person #Would it actually kill you to just fuckin call this person hot!! you don't have to dance around it!

[spellbird]

(Read from left to right)

Had an intrusive thought about Kazuki's facial hair and just had to make a little comic about it! It's been a while since I've made comics, so sorry that it's kinda messy/ just sketches. I tried to clean them up as best as I could!

#buddy daddies #rei suwa #kazuki kurusu #kazurei #miri unasaka #comic #fanart #my art #(i feel like I should make a tag for my art that's a bit less generic since I rarely use my art account for things anymore) #anyway to the like 3 people still left in this fandom plz enjoy <3 #sorry if this formatting is weird #im hoping tumblr doesn't fuck with it and idk how to make comics #I'd ideally like to clean these sketches up so they look nicer but I don't have the time or energy tbh #this has been sitting in my WIPs for at least a month now

[leathfaic]

Every year around Easter Ghost hides somewhere on the training grounds. If you find him you get half of his leave.

Soldiers all around go fucking feral, Ghost never takes any leave and there's rumours that start around Christmas of how long you'd be able to go home. Weeks probably aren't enough maybe a few months? Some are sure it's at least a full year.

Except of course no one ever finds him.

He's the Ghost and if he doesn't want to be found he isn't. He's just taking the piss, enjoying how the event has people riled up for weeks. He's not one for practical jokes, but this has him cackling.

Enter Soap, the FNG, the man who brings Ghost to his knees. They do their whole song and dance, and come Easter Ghost is hugging his boyfriend before preparing to hide.

Soap promising with a cocky smile that he'll find Ghost and they are going to use that leave for a nice holiday. Which Ghost smiles at, his sweet naive Soap, as if he's gonna hand him a win just because he loves him.

Imagine Ghost's shock when a few hours later he spots Johnny from his hiding spot. He's still high in a tree but the other man is walking directly in his direction and after a few moments he looks up.

Once Ghost is down the tree, still incredulous, but also very much in love, he asks Soap how he did it.

"Let my heart guide me, L.t." is the answer he gets which he calls out for the bloody nonsense it is.

Takes him all the way back to base to make him talk. And even then Johnny just hugs him, reaching around putting a hand in his back pocket (not unusual) and digging around (definitely unusual). Producing a small piece of technology.

"You fucking tracked me?!" his jaw nearly drops at the realisation.

"Aye, slipped it in this mornin' when we hugged."

"You little shit." is all that his brain will allow, mostly hung up on the cocky smile on Soap's face. The same as this morning.

He should be fuming. His proud record broken, he actually has to make good on the promise that so far has been all but hypothetical. Price will be in hysterics about the amount of paperwork that comes with it.

But he can't find it in him to care. He's mesmerized at Soap outplaying him. Drunk on the weird sense of pride that Johnny is so observant and skilled. Most of all he's blown away by the fact that he never even considered the possibility. It would be easy to blame hubris here, but that's not the reason no-one ever pulled a similar stunt.

No, Soap was able to do this because Ghost let him get close. Because he trusts him.

The Ghost that met Soap a few months ago would've panicked at this point. Soap had not only seen his weak spot, he clearly was also cunning enough to use it to his own advantage.

The Ghost that has been loved by Johnny for months now doesn't. Because he trusts him. And because he's proud. And because the rational part of his brain realises that any enemy agent would never have exposed their advantage for a game.

"If you ever do anything like this again-" he doesn't need to know where he wants to end that sentence, but Soap's interjection saves him the trouble "No worries, I like meself alive too."

He'll still have to be careful next year. After all he found a worthy opponent and he can't just make it too easy on him. Probably can not let Soap touch him before the game. Maybe not even the night before. Just to be safe. A fortnight should do it. But that also means a fortnight of not touching Soap...

But he can consider that later. For now he and Soap have a holiday to plan.

#this devolved from purely fun to feelings I'm sorry #anyways this is unrealistic as fuck but also gave me a serotonin so i thought i'd share #i just love the idea of soap outplaying ghost like that #and ghost unable to be mad because hes got a whole thing for soaps competence #because he really wants soap to be better than him one day #ghostsoap #simon ghost riley #soapghost #cod mwii #johnny soap mactavish #cod #captain john price #cod hc #sorry for the weird hc