#and it is actually referred to as OCD in the script

[changingplumbob]

Foster Household: Chapter 8, Part 6

Carson continues his appointment after which he and Kayleigh meet up with friends for dinner.

Low level content warning: discussions of anxiety disorder

Carson: I guess... the asthma has been harder than I thought

Dr H: How so

Carson: Well it seemed to just come out of nowhere. I’ve got this inhaler for asthma attacks but I don’t think I’ve had one yet. I still keep it on me, just in case. I get worried about what could set it off

Dr H: And how do you cope with that worry

Carson: Not well I guess. But I can look after myself. I have a whole cleaning routine for my room to keep it dust free

Dr H: Tell me about that

Carson begins to explain the process he does to clean his room, when he wakes up and after dinner, just to be safe.

Dr H: Can I ask, what would happen if you didn’t do this

Carson: Well there’d be dust and it would make me have an asthma attack which would probably hurt a lot if it didn’t kill me

Dr H: Okay. Now when you’re outside of your room, how do you feel about the asthma triggers then

Carson: Home isn’t too bad, mum makes sure it’s vacuumed for me. And most of the places at school are okay, at least first thing. Mrs Tinker, my teacher, told me that cleaners come every night at 6. They wipe everything down and vacuum. But by the end of the school day I get worried about the dead skin in the air though. Like how much will actually end up in my lungs

The conversation continues with Dr Hanks asking more about Carson’s routines and his worries. Kayleigh sits through as best she can, trying only to say things when she’s asked, or if Carson looks to her for support. She’s a bit shocked to learn how much he actually does to try avoid asthma attacks, not all of them logical choices. All her kids have tended to be academically gifted so when she hears Carson is doing things that would have no actual impact on an asthma attack she does wonder where the behaviour has come from.

Dr H: Thanks for sharing all of that Carson. I know it’s not easy to talk to a stranger about inner thoughts

Carson: It’s tough. I just… I guess I don’t want to be worried about asthma attacks all the time

Dr H: Based on today it does appear that you have developed an anxiety disorder. In particular I believe you may have OCD. Do you know what that is?

Carson: It’s like when you need everything to be neat?

Dr H: For some. Those with OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, often find themselves developing obsessions or compulsions which they use to manage their anxiety. While it may work in the short term, it’s not healthy in the long term

Carson: So I’m broken

Kayleigh: He didn’t say that honey

Dr H: I don’t think you’re broken. I think you just need some extra help, we all need extra help from time to time

Carson: Can you get rid of it

Dr H: Psychological conditions are complex. They’re not like a tumour which can be cut out. What we need to do instead is work on strategies which will help you cope with the anxiety in a safer way that does not interfere with your life as much, so that you can enjoy life. We have a few options to help. One, which I would highly recommend, is going to therapy

Dr H: Talking through the anxieties can often help minimise the danger they present, and lesson the compulsions. However if your mood is already off balance I would suggest also starting on some medication to get you in a better headspace before starting therapy. How does that sound

Carson: Yeah, I mean… if it’ll help

Dr H: Now these medications can have side effects, and will take time to build up. Your medical insurance should help with the cost of them though

Kayleigh: Cost doesn’t matter, whatever he needs

Dr H: *smiles* I shall refer you to a therapist then, and send a script to the pharmacy for you to collect. We should meet up again after you’ve done that for a while to see how it’s affecting you. Does that sound okay Carson?

Carson: Do I… do I need to tell people

Dr H: Entirely up to you, perhaps it’s one of the first things you could discuss with the therapist. Do you have any other questions for me

Carson: Mum?

Kayleigh: How long until he can see a therapist

Dr H: It will take some time to match Carson with someone who specialises in OCD, more and more sims are needing our services lately, but you should hear from someone with an appointment in the next few months

Carson: Why do I feel like I need a nap

Kayleigh: You’ve had a big day, exams and then Dr Hanks. Are you sure you still want to do dinner

Carson: Yeah but… I probably wont tell them much until I’ve seen the therapist

Kayleigh: We will need to tell your dad, but apart from him it’s your health. You choose who you do or don’t want to know

Carson: So Charlie and Keira and…. Reece don’t have to know

Kayleigh: Not if you don’t want them to honey

Carson: Thanks mum, seriously

For dinner Carson and Kayleigh head to the Sulani Restaurant built by EA ID: VeronicaDumm. Onyx is here with their mum Eliza, Bob has opted to stay home and watch Fergus since Harvey won’t be there. Darwin and William are also invited to celebrate surviving the exams.

Kayleigh: Can we have a table for six please

Server: Mrs Foster? Of course! If you follow me we have a lovely table up here with the best view of the ocean… and the kitchen

Darwin: So bro how’d it go

Carson: Well they concluded I’m alive

Onyx: always nice to know

Carson: The dude we saw was pretty nice

Kayleigh: He was. Very good listener

Eliza: That’s good, our kids deserve proper care

Darwin: Did he like totally shrink your head

Carson: Does my head look smaller than normal

Darwin: It’s not a great light

Carson: *laughs* It was actually not stereotypical

Jimin: What can I get you to eat

Kayleigh: Oh I would love some Kalua pork, is that on the menu?

Jimin: It certainly is Mrs Foster

Eliza: I know we’re in Sulani but I don’t know about pork

Jimin: The chef does a fantastic Island Vegetable Feast if that would be more to your taste

Eliza: Yes thank you

Carson: And we’ll all have nectar

Kayleigh: We will not. Eliza and I can drink but the rest of you 14 year olds get rootbeer floats

There’s general grumbling from the kids but can’t be bending nectar rules when at the table nearby is top prosecutor Aaron dining with cop Amabel. They’re just tying up the case against Liam, Aaron would not be stepping out on his wife I promise.

Darwin: Go back to what you were saying Carson

Carson: Oh yeah so I was totally expecting some long as couch and an old white man telling me to close my eyes and imagine my childhood

Kayleigh: *laughs* luckily we didn’t get that

Eliza: No couch or no old white guy

Carson: Both. He was maybe 30’s and black. He did have three couches, but they were all short, I wouldn’t be able to stretch out on one

Onyx: But what if you really needed a nap

William: Nap before you go Onyx

Onyx: Don’t confuse me with your logic

William: Did it help

Carson: Yes, it did. He thinks it would be good to go see a therapist for a bit

Darwin: Makes sense. Oh yes! Food! Finally!

The various drinks and dishes arrive and everyone seated has a moment as they get excited about the food.

Eliza: Maybe I shouldn’t eat it all. I’m sure Bob would like to taste some

William: Thanks for getting us all dinner Mrs Foster

Kayleigh: You’re very welcome William

Eliza: Have you heard how your exams went yet

Carson: I did well

Darwin: Me too which is weird because I didn’t study

William: No, you just copied everyone else’s work

Darwin: Po-tay-toe po-tah-toe

Onyx: I did good mother so a horse-

Eliza: Yes but Onyx you did just get detention

Darwin: Don’t blame them Mrs Pancakes, Mr A was being Mr Arse that day

Carson: He gave me detention to

Onyx: See mother I told you

Eliza: *sighs*

Darwin: I better get home or my mums will wonder if I got killed

Everyone thanks Kayleigh and begins to head home.

William: I told you you’d be fine in the appointment

Carson: Yeah, it definitely helped. And who knows, therapy could be good

William: Well if you can’t talk to them you can always talk to me

Carson: Thanks Will. Hey is this an okay light for a selfie

William: You look great

Carson: Knew it

Kayleigh: Harv, we’re home! Are you-

Harvey: I’m here, I’m here

Kayleigh: Oh you do not look good. Did you rest properly today

Harvey: Of course I did. But then my muscles got stiff so I thought I should have a swim

Kayleigh: *sighs* That’s not going to get you better

Harvey: No but you’re going to get me better *kisses cheek*

Kayleigh: Did you get my text? I didn’t want to call in case you were napping

Harvey: I did, OCD huh

Kayleigh: Yep. But he doesn’t want to tell anyone about it just now so no blabbing

Harvey: I won’t, I won’t. Thanks for taking him,  wish I could of but-

Kayleigh: But you’re sick and need to rest

Harvey: Yeah. I think I’m getting better though, it’s just rough

Kayleigh: I know we can hardly call 11 an early night but let’s go sleep huh

Harvey: Yeah sleep sounds great sugar

This concludes the Foster chapter. Keira and Marta are here for now but next rotation will have their own home. Harvey and Kayleigh sleep and dream of retirement while Carson dreams of a clean room.

Previous ... Next (Nishidake)

#sims 4 #the sims #the sims 4 #R0808 #ChangingPlumbobStorytime #FosterHousehold #CarsonFoster #KayleighFoster #ElizaPancakes #OnyxPancakes #HarveyFoster

[bruisingrose]

Mercenary File

Temporary Reference Art by: LAS-T

FC:  WIP

Name: Rozen Vladimir 

Age: 33

DOB: February 14 

Nationality/Ethnic:  Romanian | Italian [Heavy leaning]

Hair: Wavy Brunette, Length as in reference art

Eyes: Gemstone Green

Skin: Mix between Honey and Honey Brown tone

Height: 5Ft 11in

Weight: 161 lbs

Body Type: Lean and moderately muscular

Mental/Physical health: Sleep Paralysis, Symptoms of Stockholm, Separation anxiety, OCD, mild PTSD

Spoken Language: Mainly English. Partly fluent in Italian with a very slight accent.

Class: Spy

Team: BLU

Weapon Loadout:  Big Kill [Alt Ambassador] | Your Eternal Reward |  Disguise Kit | Dead Ringer | Sapper

Cosmetic Loadout: Cosa Nostra Cap |  Business Casual

Personality: Rozen is both withdrawn and passive-aggressive towards everyone. Like 99% of the time. Being a spy fits his curricula as he likes to fade out when he cannot be bothered to deal with his new teammates. Although, while an anti-social snit, the Italian man can be found either cooking -in his own room thanks- or wandering outside of base. Well most of less sneaking out to RED after hours. His personality was pretty bland if not stereotypical for being an nasty person, but after a few long months of ‘taming’ Rozen has actually changed in various ways. If not more docile. Hardly means he wont throw a punch or hesitate to stab though.

Religious Stance: Was raised in an occult ran by his father who is an extremist, so he is not favorable towards such things anymore.

Combat Skills: Systema [Not on professional levels but good enough for defense] | Partly understands Eskrima [knife based]

Habits: Back talking and starting fights he might not be able to finish, scratching his arms and neck out of nerves

[Scar chart]

Tattoos: Literal skin embroidery of an amber-colored rose on his lower back [Courtesy of Stephan] 

Sexuality: None your damn business

Small history script: [Backstory is almost completely unrecorded but is very dark and would have to be revealed through interactions but not right away.]

[anonymous-gambito]

Disney: *Literally cuts out almost every bit of lgbtq+ representation that creators try to include in their movies from the final products*

Homophobic Disney fans: "Huhh No but I feel like these people's little queer headcanons are like, literally oppressing me??? Queer people of color existing is also racist, somehow... I'm literally shakinf– 😢😢"

(PS: If queer people existing makes you uncomfortable, if you feel that queer characters "ruin things" for you, or that queer friends or relatives "taint" the representation of latino families and characters of color... Then you say what you mean, outright. You tell everyone what kinda person you are, because there's nothing more pathetic than being a concern trolling coward)

#y'all felt too comfortable regurgitating homophobic talking points and I wanted to ruin that <3 #encanto #turning red #because this rancid behavior has spread #Also #since y'all do this shit with ND headcanons too: #Bruno IS excessively superstitious #to an unhealthy level #and it is actually referred to as OCD in the script #So if you or anyone else in your family acts like that #You should probably look more seriously into that #Just saying

[butchhamlet]

I posted 933 times in 2021

320 posts created (34%)

613 posts reblogged (66%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.9 posts.

I added 1,085 tags in 2021

#max.txt - 416 posts

#twelfth night - 135 posts

#hamlet - 122 posts

#asks - 110 posts

#lear - 79 posts

#julius caesar - 70 posts

#malvolio - 42 posts

#misc - 38 posts

#richard iii - 37 posts

#brutus - 36 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#can you imagine you walk into some gay bitch’s dorm and they have an owl next to their fake skull… i’m so excited to get no bitches ever

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

happy twelfth night, everyone! remember to leave milk, cookies, & your assigned gender out tonight; viola cesario needs something to eat when they come by!

394 notes • Posted 2021-01-05 18:04:52 GMT

#4

the way lear’s fool and feste both reference “the rain it raineth every day...”

539 notes • Posted 2021-01-16 02:47:53 GMT

#3

why does the taming of the shrew start with a scene that’s just a bunch of people deciding to gaslight a dude. where am i

556 notes • Posted 2021-06-21 00:37:21 GMT

#2

thinking about how in 1.3 laertes tells ophelia to consider hamlet’s favor “a violet in the youth of primy nature” (ie, young, not lasting) and the way that makes “i would give you some violets, but they withered all when my father died” hit particularly hard because hamlet killed her father and that’s the point of no return, you know? the break that causes between hamlet and ophelia can’t be unbroken.

755 notes • Posted 2021-01-29 04:02:13 GMT

#1

the hamlet ocd post

that’s right. only took me fifty years. here it is: prince hamlet of denmark of william shakespeare’s smash hit hamlet has obsessive-compulsive disorder and i'm right & about to prove it.

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER THAT YOU CAN STAGE HAMLET HOWEVER YOU WANT. (but i am right.)

credit where credit is due: this post (and this headcanon) was initially inspired by this post! because as soon as i read it, i was obsessed (no pun intended) with the idea. so here i am having re-read hamlet and jotted down actual line numbers as evidence, as if i am writing an essay and not a tumblr post, which is very obsessive-compulsive of me in general, actually. (yes, i have ocd; yes, i am qualified to make this post; yes, i will gladly accept additions/thoughts from anyone!!)

OBLIGATORY SECOND DISCLAIMER THAT I AM NOT THE END-ALL BE-ALL ARBITER OF WHAT OCD IS; THIS POST IS DRAWN FROM MANY OF MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES, BUT OCD MANIFESTS IN DIFFERENT WAYS FOR EVERYONE WHO HAS IT, AND I AM NOT A LICENSED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL, I’M AN EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLD.

under a cut because... dear god, do i have things to say.

ocd? isn’t that when you wash your hands all the time? isn’t that more of a lady macbeth type of thing?

getting this one out of the way because i do recognize that not everyone knows an inordinate amount about ocd. the answer is... well-yes-but-actually-no.jpg. excessive hand-washing can be a symptom of ocd! but it’s not even close to describing all of it.

ocd is a monster of a disorder to try to talk about in a tumblr post, because it manifests in so many different ways for so many different people (there are a GREAT many subtypes. blasphemous ocd, harm ocd, contamination ocd, relationship ocd... and you can have many of them at once overlapping, which is fun). but the basic core idea is that a person with ocd has obsessions, involuntary, upsetting, unstoppable, and anxiety-inducing thoughts, and then performs compulsions in an attempt to get rid of them. compulsions can be almost anything. sometimes they’re connected to the obsession (eg, if you have contamination fears, you might wash your hands a lot!), but they aren’t always (eg, worrying about your family’s health, so you turn the lights on and off); often they’re irrational. compulsions can also be entirely mental; pure-obsessional ocd happens when the compulsions are just doing mental backflips in your head all the time rather than having physical actions. (i have a few physical compulsions, personally, but by and large my ocd is mostly pure-o. i think hamlet’s is, too, if only because we only see his words/thoughts and not any physical actions in the script. that said, i do think a staging of hamlet where he has physical compulsions would be sick as fuck.)

like i said, ocd is difficult to describe succinctly in one post because it manifests in SO. MANY. DIFFERENT. WAYS. in my personal experience/awareness, at least, the central factor is the spiral of doubt. ocd is called the doubting disorder, and it’s called that for a reason. it’s an illness of what-ifs and circles. ocd causes you to doubt everything, particularly yourself, and especially your own morality. you question everything. you question yourself constantly. people with ocd are really good at convincing ourselves we are terrible people. and the cycle never stops - because the thing is that compulsions don’t actually stop the obsessions from happening. compulsions relieve anxiety for a brief while. then the obsessions come back. so you do your compulsions again. and then the obsessions come back. so you do your compulsions again. and then -

circles, circles, circles. a neverending downward spiral. a neverending sense of doubt.

hamlet folks, i think i could end this post here.

hamlet knows something is wrong with him (and so does everyone else)

but i won’t! because i have more to say! a lot more to say! before i get into the actual symptoms he displays, here are some of the most telling things, imo, that hamlet says about himself, and that other people say about him:

1.4:

so oft it chances in particular men that for some vicious mole of nature in them as, in their birth, wherein they are not guilty, since nature cannot choose his origin, by the o’ergrowth of some complexion, oft breaking down the pales and forts of reason or by some habit that too much o’er-leavens the form of plausive manners, that these men carrying, i say, the stamp of one defect... doth all the noble substance of a doubt to his own scandal.

now, it’s very likely that hamlet’s talking about claudius here; he’s just finished yelling about how claudius is making all of denmark look like drunkards. that said, the way he chooses to talk about this is very interesting - he focuses on the idea of one fatal flaw that grows and grows until it blots out everything else about a person. he might very well think this way about himself & his uncontrollable thoughts and doubting (the use of the word “doubt” here did make my ears prick up, i won’t lie, even if it’s used in a different context). additionally, this is very much how ocd feels: one thought will grow and grow until it blots out the rest of the world. also very interesting that he singles out the “breaking down... of reason” specifically 🤔🤔🤔

2.2:

okay, we all know “i would have fought god if He didn’t nerf me with mental illness” -

o god, i could be bounded in a nut shell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that i have bad dreams!

but let’s also consider:

for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

the emphasis on the power of thought & the instability of morality... & the mind as a centerpiece of what is good and bad, as if your thinking is both highly subjective and also the only thing you can rely on...

3.1:

this something-settled matter in his heart, whereon his brains still beating puts him thus from fashion of himself.

this is a claudius line (emphasis mine) but like come ON. come ON??? this is LITERALLY claudius diagnoses you with ocd asmr. (and speaking of claudius lines, “o limed soul” is said about himself, but the idea of being trapped in one’s mind, fears and doubts... oof.)

okay! so we all know something’s wrong with hamlet! even hamlet knows something’s wrong with hamlet, better than anyone else does, actually! but what, exactly, is actually wrong with hamlet?

obsessions and intrusive thoughts

not every intrusive thought is an obsession, but obsessions, generally, are intrusive thoughts: thoughts that come into your head involuntarily, that you do not want. intrusive thoughts usually go directly against one’s morality; our brains are always seeking out the worst-possible what-if, even if it’s something that would never happen, and the irony is that many people become terrified of doing what they’re absolutely least likely to do.

hamlet is constantly worrying that the ghost is a liar, that he’s hurting an innocent man, that he’s going to be damned for this. all of these are repeated, obsessive intrusive thoughts; so could be fears that he’s actually going mad, or that he genuinely wants to hurt the people around him, that he’s naturally a bad person, that he deserves to be damned. at the end of 3.2, right before he goes off to see his mother, he tells himself:

o heart, lose not thy nature; let not ever the soul of nero enter this firm bosom: let me be cruel, not unnatural: i will speak daggers to her, but use none; my tongue and soul in this be hypocrites; how in my words soever she be shent, to give them seals, never, my soul, consent!

what he’s doing is telling himself - coaching himself, almost - pleading with himself, almost - not to hurt his mother. not to draw his blade on her. not to put her in real physical danger. he says this as if he barely has a choice about it - as if he’s unable to control himself. and that, the fear of being unable to control oneself, of hurting someone without being able to stop yourself, of hurting a loved one, when it is genuinely exactly opposed to what you actually want - that has intrusive-thought written all over it.

i also think this is a much more interesting standpoint from which to characterize hamlet’s preoccupation with incest / his mother’s sex life than “hamlet really really wanted to fuck his mom.” sexual intrusive thoughts are common; among other things, ocd can give you unwanted vivid mental images of morally awful things, sexual acts among them. the first time he brings up his mother’s ambiguously-faithful ambiguously-incestuous remarriage, in 1.2, hamlet actually moans, “let me not think on’t,” and later asks, “must i remember?” forget the o*dipal complex, man. give me a hamlet who has uncomfortable and unwanted thoughts about his mother’s sex life that he hates and wishes he could be rid of because they must make him awful, but he can’t stop thinking and he can’t get away from it and every time he sees his mother with claudius the thoughts pour back in - does he have to remember? can’t he stop thinking about it?

religion

one of the ways ocd can manifest is as obsessions about religious/moral beliefs. this tends to result in 1) a very strict moral code and 2) a constant fear that you’re an awful person who’s constantly breaking said moral code. for example, someone might be afraid of doing or thinking something blasphemous. if they have a thought they consider “blasphemous” (obsession), they may try to make up for it by praying endlessly (compulsion). this tends to make religion a really anxiety-inducing topic! the moral side of this is particularly common in pure-o sufferers, who tend to constantly question not only their own morality but the Big Questions of the world. wow. boy oh boy. i wonder who else tends to do that. incessantly. without ever coming to a conclusion he’s sure about. wow. (REALLY good article on this here; i am realizing as i type this out that i do not have the space in this post to give a ted talk on this type of ocd.)

i’m no expert on Religion In Hamlet, but it is clear that religion impacts the way hamlet thinks. he’s terrified that the ghost is a demon sent to damn him to hell and he constantly questions what lies after death. in 3.4 (the closet scene), when he and gertrude argue, he puts heavy focus on the unholiness of gertrude’s marriage, emphasizing sin, corruption, and taint, ideas lots of obsessive-compulsives fixate on. i know these things are not exclusive to ocd, but in an ocd reading of hamlet, they have extra significance - particularly because it’s one of the rare times he seems sure. hamlet spends the whole play questioning the universe; to fall back now on the idea of sin, with a certainty he’s rarely shown, suggests that it’s something he’s almost trained into himself. you could also interpret the “there’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow” line - he’s putting on a show of certainty he doesn’t feel in an attempt to quiet the unquietable doubts. i’d call that a compulsion, for sure.

...and on that note. it’s interesting that in placing his life in the hands of god and walking passively into death, hamlet’s able resign himself to dying while also circumventing the action that he thinks would Definitely send him to hell - killing himself. (AKA, finding the loophole in your obsession/compulsion cycle, doing something that’s TECHNICALLY not against the rules you made up in your head.)

completion, repetition, & the way he talks

okay i understand that this one brings us dangerously close to “source: bro trust me” territory, but... obsessive-compulsive disorder affects everything about the way i think and speak. part of the reason, if not all of the reason, that this post is so long is that i am predisposed to Do The Most with everything, for two reasons: 1) the completion thing and 2) the proof thing. i hate leaving things undone or half-done, and i feel the need to prove my point to the furthest degree possible. hence the constant disclaimers, backtracking, and covering of all of my bases when i make posts.

hamlet does the same exact thing. out loud, he is constantly exploring his thoughts, discarding thoughts, second-guessing himself, doubling back on what he’s saying, elaborating to the fullest extent and then second-guessing himself again - he goes On and On and On, and it’s because he has to cover all of his bases. he thinks and talks himself in circles and circles and circles! spirals and spirals and spirals! even his analysis of his own thoughts is near-compulsive; ocd means you think and think and think and never STOP and you think about your own thinking, too! just as it’s a torment for us, it’s a torment for him.

“is this entire post an example of this repetitive circular thinking/speaking style?” yes. 4d experience <3

doubt, waiting, & the end

here’s the thing about ocd: it’s the disorder of doubt and what-ifs. it’s an illness that means you are never, never sure about anything. you are never sure. and that, really, is the most obsessive-compulsive thing about hamlet: he is never sure.

what do we think of when we think of hamlet? indecision. (whether that’s charitable to him or not - in the cultural psyche, he’s attached to indecision as a concept.) and indecision and ocd go hand-in-hand, because it’s so so very hard to make a decision or take a stance on anything when you’re never certain of anything at all. he wavers constantly. at the end of act two he’s desperately doubting; he settles on the play as the thing that will give him certainty! but the play, in itself, is a compulsion; it’ll fix his doubt briefly, but only briefly, and after that the uncertainty will seep back in, because the obsessions never go away and you never get to be sure! the first time i read this post about reason and deliberation in hamlet, it SCREAMED ocd to me (emphasis mine):

he wants so desperately to do something, but he only wants to do it if he’s 100% certain it’s the right thing to do, and he spends whole acts talking himself in circles trying to figure it out.

to do this thing - to kill a man, to kill a member of his own family, his mother’s husband and the actual king of his country, to do a real actual murder when he's already afraid of hell - he needs to be 100% sure it’s the right thing to do. but he can’t be. you can’t be! that’s the trap of ocd, is that it convinces you that you may, someday, be certain, when you never will be!

why does hamlet take so long to kill claudius? because he’s chasing the certainty he will never, ever have. even at the very end of the play, when gertrude tells him the drinks have been poisoned - hamlet must know it’s claudius’s doing. who else would it be? who else would want to kill hamlet this badly? who else has used poison before? and yet, what does he say?

villainy! ho! let the door be lock’d! treachery! seek it out!

he calls for the doors to be locked. he calls for a hunt for the treachery he MUST know is right under his nose. because even now, he can’t kill the king until laertes gives him undeniable indelible proof: he can’t kill the king until he’s sure, and on his own, he never will be.

silence; the end

when i think of ocd, i think of endless thinking. endless questioning. endless doubt. a downward-spiralling never-ending cycle. an inability to ever stop thinking. an inability to ever, for just a moment, have a quiet mind. an inability to ever, for just a moment, relax or think nothing.

“nothing. that’s a fair thought to lie between maids’ legs.” we all know this is a dirty joke; i know this; you know this; ophelia knows this. but at the same time - how nice it would be, to have just a moment of not thinking at all -

to have just a moment of silence.

the desire to stop thinking is by no means unique to ocd. but doesn’t it add just another painful dimension to the very last scene? for hamlet, a sufferer of a disorder that causes so much endless and agonizing thinking, that offers up the worst kinds of thoughts on a platter, to finally reach the end and find that the rest is silence - that the rest is a peaceful nothingness, that finally for once he can stop thinking and just meet oblivion -

and for horatio, who knows about hamlet’s obsessive problems, who knows about his fears, to hold him as he dies and tell him that he has absolutely no doubt that there are angels coming to sing him to rest, that he is absolutely certain that hamlet is going to heaven -

well. it fucks me up, i’ll tell you that.

the rest is silence. yeah. i guess it is.

869 notes • Posted 2021-02-18 00:38:02 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #HAMLET OCD POST IS MY NUMBER ONE LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOO OLET'S GOOOOOOOOO #WHAT IT DESERVES!!! WHAT I DESERVE!!! #long post #max.txt #no rb please

[esculentevil]

JSEgo (Shipping) Headcanon (8): Terms of Endearment

((Inspired by @a-septic-mind​’s Cute Gender Neutral Things to Call Your Significant Other post. Just wanted to brainstorm and list the pet names I think the Septics would use for each other. This is also being compiled as a reference for my future works, both ego shipping and not. =D))

Anti

calls Jackie “Láech” [only privately tho because it means Hero in Old Irish (sidenote: Anti usually uses the English translation, which comes out like ‘Ero, because my Jackie’s American and barely knows Irish, never mind Old Irish) and that’s embarrassing as balls to be caught saying out loud; in public, he uses Hero Boy because it’s easy to make it sound teasing, like a jab, or even crude; EDIT (because I’m dumb and forgot about this): sometimes Anti calls him He’rt, which is his accented way of saying “heart” and comes from that fact that one of the most popular terms of endearment in the Irish language is “mo chroí” which means “my heart”—and also the fact that it kinda looks like the word hero… ;3]

calls Jameson “Whiskey” [I explain this fully in Canti Cong (A Canti Script) but, basically, Anti calls Jameson this because of Jameson the Whiskey and because it lets him make the joke “Com’ere, lemme get drunk off ye!” lmao]

calls Chase “Teardrop” [for all the tears shed during Chase’s chronic depression, suicide attempt, and recovery period—a reminder that even Anti cried for him]

calls Henrik “Needle” [after how much he gets under people’s skin, even Anti’s; how many times he’s stitch them all up, including Anti’s forever neck wound; and h͜ow ̶per҉fec̕t̴l̸y ̧A͢nti’̛s͏ str͏ing̶s ̨were ͏ab̴l̸e̛ t͟o͘ thre͝a͡d̡ ͢th̷rouģh̛ ͟H͢e̸n͡rìk̴’s ͟fr̸a̶gi͘l̵e̕ ̢m̢i͘nd͢~̶]

calls Marvin “Cat C*nt” [it’s loving, I swear xD]

Jackie

calls Anti “Gorgeous” [this has been an ongoing thing since First Vibrations (although, the first time I called Anti “Gorgeous” in general was in Fowl Glitch), but never actually explained; so: I literally just do this because I think it’s sweet, it’s very similar to what my Mate calls me, and it’s a compliment starting with G! (this is important because Glitch starts with G and I’m OCD so they must match I’m soft for the idea that, although Anti takes great pride in being a Glitch, sometimes he’s hyperaware of how that might make him unattractive—constantly falling/breaking apart, being unstable to the point of disintegrating, etc—so, when Jackie rolls both words together... Gorgeous Glitch just kills him~)]

calls Jameson “Sheik” [which is actually a pun told in three parts! First, according to Flapperspeak: Dictionary of Words From the 1920’s and 1930’s, Sheik defines “A man with sex appeal (from the Valentino movies)” >=3; second, Sheik comes from the Arabic word for “Elder” and commonly refers to a leader; and, third, Sheik is a disguise used by Zelda in Ocarina of Time which I think JJ would have loved about her character and Jackie thinks relates to JJ’s Jaunts]

calls Chase “Switchel” [after the whiskey chaser of the same name made of vinegar, syrup, and ginger served in Brooklyn (because my Jackie’s a Yank)]

calls Henrik "Watson" [this is a reference to my Septic Holmes AU where Jackie is Sherlock and Henrik is Watson mainly because just “doctor/doc” is too plain but also because I generally see their relationship as constant help and support as in they can always rely on each other both in terms of heroics and medics but also in terms of friendship and general understanding (like if Jackie can’t make heads or tails of some coded message Anti left behind to flirt mess with him, Henrik can because it’s a chemical formula etc.; and if Henrik can’t understand why he, say, pissed off someone because he’s a touch emotionally stunted... xD) also, low key, this was going to be Iron Man until I realized that wouldn’t work!]

calls Marvin "MJ" [as in Marvel's MJ/Mary Jane(/Michelle Jones for the movies) because Jackie likes to think he's this world's version of Spider-Man xD;;;]

Jameson

calls Anti “Master” [because puppet play is THE thing with them, no matter what]

calls Jackie “Bo” [covered this during Inktober but that was a pandemic ago so: According to Al Capone’s 1920 Slang Dictionary, Bo means “Pal, buster, fellow.” and is also, obviously, (usually, not in all AUs) part of his name: Jackieboy-Man]

calls Chase “Daylight” [in a continuation of Jameson’s shockingly dark humor, this means “"fill him with daylight": Put a hole in, by shooting or stabbing” which, clearly, is a horribly dark reference to Chase’s suicidal self-shooting tendency; but, of course, it can also be taken as a variation of the much sweeter Sunshine]

calls Henrik “Croaker” [which Al Capone’s Dictionary says means “Doctor”; however, this is also an unintentionally dark pun because to croak is to die but also a choked sound people make as they die by strangulation or similar things and Henrik literally did both as Anti strangled him with that phone cord...]

calls Marvin “Cat” [as in “cool cat” but also the 1920′s Slang meaning of “Man”] or “Tom” [as in “tomcat” (but it’s only used when Marvin’s flirtations get uncomfy)]

Chase

calls Anti “Monster” [this is affectionate/loving, I SWEAR xD; it’s sort of teasing or even ironic; it’s like Chase is calling Anti his adorable sweet little monster]

calls Jackie “Queen” [after the New York borough Spider-Man’s from]

calls Jameson “Sweetheart” [because JJ’s the sweetest Ego in his eyes; also, there’s an old-timey feel to this endearment because it stems from swete herte (aka 13th century Middle English) and JJ loves history so much he finds it cute]

calls Henrik “Doc” [which sounds like a very boring cop out kinda nickname but is actually a reference to Bugs Bunny’s catch phrase “What’s up, Doc?” (because I have a never before addressed headcanon: Chase loves Bugs and Looney Tunes in general because it helped him through tough times in the 90s and is also the comfort show he shared with his kids when they were little; basically, Bugs Bunny/Looney Tunes is the fav of the Brody House #notspon)]

calls Marvin “Kitten” [I don’t think this needs an explanation. It’s just... obvious.]

Henrik

calls Anti “Eye” [which could be a reference to the “eye” in Antisepticeye, SepticSam (or SepticSuain), the “i” in Anti, or even two “i”s in Antisepticeye; honestly though, this is a reference to crochet and Anti’s nickname for Henrik: the opening/hole of a needle (that you put the thread through) is called the eye, so, in a way, Henrik’s acknowledging Anti’s power over him and his mind, but also pointing out that Anti’s both vulnerable due to the “hole” in him (neckwound) and Anti’s only as powerful as those he’s threaded/strung up/taken control of (because a needle only stabs you; it’s the string that prolongs your suffering)]

calls Jackie “Sherlock” [which is again, a reference to my Septic Holmes AU completely ironic in two ways: first, it’s like he’s calling him and Sherlock heroes; but then, second, he’s saying it with sarcasm like the insult “No Sh*t Sherlock”]

calls Jameson “Java” [in other words: Jameson Java; coffee; another drink joke]

calls Chase “Bugs” [yes: because Chase loves Bugs Bunny (and calls him Doc)]

calls Marvin “Felis” [which is the genus for cats (so yes another cat joke) and the first half of the species name for domesticated cats (which Marvin kinda is xD)]

Marvin

calls Anti “Circles” [partly as a reference to eyes, majorly a reference to my Anti’s agender identity (which is represented by a circle with a line through it; think of Mae’s shirt from NITW!), but mostly just because Anti hates them and Marvin wants to get back at him for this own endearment loves to see him twitch]

calls Jackie “Cap” [in his words: “No, I’m not calling you Spider-Man or Peter; you’re way more like Captain America with your leadership qualities, powers, and general outlook on life—no, stop staring at me like that; idc what you say: YOU ARE LITTERATLLY OUR SEPTIC SUPER SOLDIER!”]

calls Jameson “Ritzy” [this means “Elegant” according to Al Capone’s Dictionary]

calls Chase “Daddy” [because he is one we all know Marvin’d make this joke (however, it’s also in sync with Chase’s rather kinky nickname for him)]

calls Henrik “Vet” [to carry on the Marvin’s legit a cat theme xD; sometimes, however, Marvin switches things up and calls him “veteran” which is a reference to my personal headcanon of Henrik being a war doc like (John Watson was), my Septic Holmes AU, and my Hero’s Harem AU (lots of AU refs, I know xD)]

#antisepticeye #jackieboy man #jameson jackson #chase bro average #henrik von schneeplestein #marvin the magnificent #affectionate names #mywriting #headcanons #explainations #my thoughts #writingreference #ego shipping #morEGOsome #spiderman #sherlock holmes #looneytunes

[lyrazehedgieboiii]

Sonic catches Amy reading / writing sonadow fan fiction?

LMAO YES, THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING THIS ONE, I WANTED TO DO THIS SOOOOO BAD. ALSO SORRY THIS WAS LATE.

Sonic was over at Amy’s house, enjoying some cookies and tea, because goddamnit, her double chocolate-chip cookies were to die for.

  “Thanks for inviting me over, Ames. These cookies are sooo good!” Sonic moaned in delight. Amy giggled.

   “You’re welcome, Sonic. I made some for Tails, but the poor little guy was up all night working on an invention, so I put some cookies on the counter for him, and wrote a note, so he knows I made them.” Amy said, as she put the tray down on the coffee table. “Anyways, I’m going to change, you can turn on the T.V. Okay?” Sonic nodded. She went to her room, and Sonic watched as her sway her hips. He got a little excited, but controlled it. He turned his head back and turned on the T.V. Please be Comedy Chimp, please be Comedy Chimp-

And it’s a drama. Wait no. It’s a play. It’s Hamilton. Wait, wasn’t it supposed to be on Disney Plus on July 3rd? Oh welp, might as well watch this. Sonic remembered the time he and the gang found Amy’s script, and they acted to it. He looked in the drawer that it was originally in, only to find a book labeled ‘Sonadow.’ Curious to what it was, he opened it, and skimmed to a random chapter. It said ‘Pregnancy Test.’ He started reading until he realized that Shadow and himself were the protagonists of the story. Shadow was the pregnant one. This book was in Amy’s house. In. Her. Drawer.

   “Okay I’m back-” Amy stopped in her tracks when she saw Sonic holding the book. She immediately thought of excuses and stories to why she had that book. She wrote it, but was glad that she hadn’t written her name down in the book, otherwise it would get very weird between them. “That’s n-not mine...” Sonic appeared quite flustered.

    “Then who does it belong to?” Sonic asked, his eyes twitching in what seemed to be anger.

    “...Would you believe me if I said it belonged to Lyra?” Amy replied, hoping Sonic would actually fall for that.

   “Makes sense, I guess. I mean, I thought she shipped...well...us?” Sonic blushed deeper while saying.

   “S-she has many ships, so don’t expect her to have just one...” She knew that Lyra had OCD’s when even thinking about Sonadow, but it was the only reasonable excuse she had, she didn’t want it to become awkward between them.

  “O-Oh...y-you haven’t read this, have you?” He asked her.

  “I saw the title and understood immediately...” She said cautiously. She knew Sonic very well, but at a time like this, she was very confused as to what his reaction would be.

  “That girl is going to publicly humiliate me one day.” Sonic nervously chuckled. Amy repeated his actions, not sure of what to do now.

  “I-I’ll give it back to her later, why don’t you just eat the cookies and pretend you never saw that?” Amy said in a rushed expression. Sonic noticed and decided not to think too much of it.

  “...Okay...” He hesitated before saying.

- TIME SKIP!!!! -

Amy was sitting in her room, doing something on her laptop that had her complete focus, Sonic observed. He made some sounds on purpose to see how Amy would react, but she didn’t even seem to notice.

   “What is she doing? She’s never this distracted.” Sonic thought out loud, only to hear Amy giggle while typing something in. She looked like she was about to swoon. She started cracking up, and put the laptop on the edge of the bed, which was on the other side, and she got on her back and tried to take deep breaths. Sonic snuck in through her windows, which have no glass and are covered by tapestries. He started reading whatever she was typing and saw Shadow’s name.

  “Ah~ I just love Sonadow~ It has a better chance of being canon than SonAmy will ever have.” She said, completely unaware of the second person in her room. Sonic got up and cleared his throat. Amy’s eyes immediately widened, her eyesight never leaving the ceiling. “IS SOMETHING LYRA WOULD SAY HEHEHEHEH...” Amy nervously continued saying, before taking the computer.

   “Then how come you were writing it?” Sonic asked in a disapproving tone.

    “Uh...Lyra was asking me to edit it, so I was helping?” Sonic still looked unconvinced. he yanked the laptop out of her hands.

   “Why the fuck do you think that SonAmy has a less chance of being canon compared to Sonadow?” He questioned, waving the laptop in the air.

   “Well, you would never like me, and you’re always arguing with Shadow and you just seem like you enjoy his company more than when you’re with me.” Amy replied sadly, her ears drooping.

  “Ames, I enjoy your company! I just tease him that he’s slow, that’s all. No romantic feelings for him. Just rivalry and friendship!” Sonic exclaimed. Amy giggled.

 “But wouldn’t you like to be more with him?” Amy asked, scooting closer.

  “Eww, no. He’s too emo. I prefer girls.” Sonic said, dropping the laptop on the bed, and putting his hands behind his head.

   “Yeah, I know. I see how you always flirt with them...” Amy responded with a melancholy tone. Sonic noticed this and got an idea.

   “Welp, I gotta go...run, and stuff like that.” And with that, Sonic zips off to who-knows-where. Amy quickly grabs her laptop and clicks the publish button.

- MEANWHILE WITH SONIKKU -

Sonic went to Lyra’s house to get something, and he went back to his hut in less than two seconds.

  “Okay, Sonamy. What are lemons...” Sonic zoned out, wondering what on Mobius citrus had to do with Sonic and Amy. Sonic wasn’t a huge fan of having anything with lemons in it, and he knew that Amy doesn’t really make sour or bitter foods. He clicked on what said Sonamy boom lemons, and saw that there were a lot of chapters. He went to the first one, and started reading. “Oh. OH. OHHHHH MY CHAOS, HOLY SHIT! THAT’S A LEMON?! AND WHY THE FUCK IS MY DICK ONLY FOUR INCHES IN THIS STORY?! IT’S MORE THAN THAT-” Sonic stopped himself when he realized that he was upset over his member size and not the fact that Amy was taking control of him in this story.

   “I need something...AH! Here! This is perfect.” Sonic smirked at his idea, and then ran to Amy’s house to bring his idea to action.

  “Sonic?” Amy answered the door, and her face was showing shock. Sonic walked towards her, until she was leaning against the back of her couch.

  “My beautiful Ames, my gorgeous Rose, how would you like to go on a date with me?

   “I-I-I-I...what?” Amy asked flustered at the sudden and definitely unexpected question.

   “Did I stutter? If anything, you were the one stuttering. I know, I’d be stuttering too, if I were to ask me out on a date~” Sonic repeated himself, adding a witty comment in that.

  “Are you Sonic?” Amy cautiously questioned, hoping this wasn’t another prank by Morpho.

  “I am, Amy. Sonic the Hedgehog, Fastest Thing Alive.” Sonic proudly stated. Amy giggled.

  “So you are. Why are you asking me out on a date? Is this to prove that you’re not into Shadow?”

  “No. I’m asking you out because I want to, and you better say ‘yes’ or I’m just going to nag you until you do.”

  “Okay, okay. Yes. I’ll go on a date with you, but what’s up with your sudden flirtiness? You never act like this, let alone with me.” Amy inquired. That made Sonic smirk.

   “Why not? I have to be your dream hedgehog, otherwise you’d ship Silver with Shadow.” Sonic responded. Amy shook. Sonic got worried by her weird uncharacteristic actions. “Amy! Why are you shaking? Are you okay?” He saw that her eyes were glossed with tears. “Amy! Are you crying?” He honestly didn’t know what to do, hug her? That’s what Amy does whenever someone’s crying. He wrapped his arms around her, genuine worry crawling over his features. Amy flinched as soon as his hands touched her, and she backed away after taking in everything.

-----------STOP HERE------------------- There are two endings for this story. Right under this is the humorous one, and below that is the one for hopeless romantics.

      “Okay Sonic, game’s over. What do you want?” Amy asked after attempting to ignore the weird twitch and tingles in her body.

     “Whatever do you mean, Amelia?” Sonic responded in a dreamy tone. Amy rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips.

    “Do you even like me? You only flirt with every other girl, apparently not me...unless you’re trying to get or prove something...” Amy hesitatingly tells him, puzzled as to why he was acting charming to her. Sonic’s cheeks and ears turned a deep shade of red.

   “...Maybe, but I only flirt for a reason-”

   “Don’t give me that shitty excuse, Sonic the Hedgehog. You’re a terrible liar, and I don’t want to hear it.” Amy sassed out, which wasn’t surprising to Sonic, because ever since they all moved to Hedgehog Village, her attitude changed, as so her habits.

   “But it’s not...I actually like you! And if I have to chase you for the rest of my life to prove it, so be it! I’ll run everywhere just to look for you! I want you~!” Sonic whispered in her ear, after giving it a nip and kiss.

   “Please don’t. I don’t want our reputations tarnished because you decide to run after me like some kind of weirdo. Honestly, I should’ve written that you were the pregnant one,” (anyone noticed the fanfiction reference? :D) Amy stated bluntly. Sonic took two steps towards her. He leaned his face in her’s.

  “Say that again, Pinky.” Sonic warned as her arms went around his neck. He heard a ‘POOF,’ and sweatdropped.

   “What did you call me, Blue Boy?” She queried. Sonic started to sweat and blushed once again at the sudden closeness. His confidence then returned out of nowhere.

   “I called you, Pinky. What’s the matter? Don’t like it?”  Sonic smugly replied. Amy glared at him.

   “It’s not that, it’s just that I’m getting turned on by the second~.” Amy lustfully said, biting her bottom lip. Sonic widened her eyes.

  “W-WHAT?!” Sonic shrieked out, not knowing whether to pounce or to run away.

   “Why are you acting all jumpy? You literally just bit my ear in a seducing tone!” Amy yelled out at him, her sexy act forgotten. Sonic looked heavily disturbed at Amy’s choice of words.

   “Seducing?!” Sonic squeaked. Amy was trying her best not to swoon at how adorable she found that squeak to be.

    “Yes! Don’t you want me?!” Amy hollered, her own cheeks burning up.

    “Okay, fine! Yes! Now can we get to the part where we say how we feel and kiss?” Sonic uttered out.

     “I love you!” Amy exclaimed. You shouldn’t be shocked by her boldness, as she’s been like that all her life.

    “I-I l-lo-love you too!” He responded. There was practically steam coming out of their ears by the amount of blushing that was happening.

    “Let’s kiss!” Before Sonic could respond, Amy pounced on him and tackled his lips. They both felt fireworks soar through their body, shivering at the new sensation that they gave each other.

   “Give me a strip show, baby~” Sonic inaudibly murmured in her ear.

   “Only if you use protection.”

   “What’s the fun in that?!”

HOPELESS ROMANTIC ending----------

   “I-I’m sorry.” She breathed out in a troubled voice. She slammed the door shut, and ran to her room sobbing. Sonic was confused. What did he do wrong? He knocked on the door, before remembering that this was Amy Rose. She never opened the door when she was upset, she just wants to be alone.

  ‘Well, not today!’ Sonic thought, as he broke down Amy’s door. He was going to have hell to pay, but it would be worth it. He went to her bedroom door and heard her crying. He did the same thing that he had did with Amy’s front door, and saw her face-first on the bed. He tip-toed towards her, and crawled on top of her. She looked so fragile in this state, that he just wanted to hug her sadness away.

  “Ames, if you’re ready to talk, why are you crying?” Sonic gently raised her chin up and asked.

  “Haven’t you wondered why I even like Sonadow fanfiction?” Amy asked her love interest. Sonic thought for a moment, and realized that not even he knew why she liked it. It was probably the most random thing she’d be into, and the ship itself was very random.

  “Never really thought about it during the thirty minutes in which everything happened. It actually makes me think about it now.” Sonic told her. She wrapped her arms around his torso, which caused Sonic to stiffen. After a few moments, he began to rock her side-to-side to calm her down.

  “I thought you’d never love me, so I tried to keep my mind out of reality...” She said, sniffling in between. “At first, I started reading fanfiction. I saw SonAmy fanfiction, and it broke my heart seeing it. I read Sonadow, and it still hurt, but I just couldn’t get enough of it, next thing I know, I’m writing a popular story on Fanfiction platforms and the compliments and comments I get makes me feel happy. Even though it injures my heart too much...” Amy sobbed. Sonic lowered his eyelids.

  “Amy, if it’s giving you a heart-ache, then why do you still do any of that?” Sonic queried. Amy gave an emotionless chuckle.

  “People say that I make them happy writing the fanfiction. They smile, and I’m happy that I make them happy. Even if it pains me to do it.” Amy smiled. (Lmao don’t worry, it doesn’t happen to me) Sonic couldn’t tell whether it was because she was happy genuinely, or her clouded, closed mind was telling her that she was happy. She clearly wouldn’t be happy if it gives her pain.

  “Then stop it. It hurts you, so you should stop. You’re basically telling yourself to feel the pain.” Sonic told her while stroking her quills gently. He kissed her forehead and continued. “Start connecting with your friends and soon-to-be-boyfriend, please.” Sonic said, trying to keep a straight face as he felt her jolt up.

  “When you say soon-to-be-boyfriend, do you mean, you?” Amy asked, trying her hardest not to wag her tail in excitement.

   “Who else? Plus, don’t hide your tail, I wanna see it~.” Sonic lustfully whispers in her ear. She took her hands off her of her tail, letting it sway in happiness. Sonic, being a perverted, hormonal 19 year old, got an idea.

...

...

...

  “SONIC! WHAT THE FUCK-” Amy squealed as Sonic actually had the nerve to pull her tail.

   “I wanna see more~”

   “You wanna see more?” She mused. She raised up her dress a little more...

    “YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO MARRY ME IF YOU WANT TO TOUCH ME!” Amy exclaimed, taking Sonic off guard.

   “I JUST BECAME YOUR BOYFRIEND! ONE STEP AT A TIME, AMES!” Sonic yelled back.

   “SO?! IF YOU WANT THIS BODY, THEN YOU’LL HAVE TO VOW TO IT!” Amy continued. Sonic made a face.

   “WELL I LOVE YOU, MY BEAUTIFUL ROSE!” Sonic unexpected shouted.

   “ISN’T SCREAM THERAPY WONDERFUL?! IT MAKES YOU REVEAL YOUR THOUGHTS MUCH EASIER THAN JUST SAYING THEM! ALSO, I LOVE YOU TOO, YOU LITTLE SHIT!” Amy screamed.

   “WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?!”

   “ONLY IF YOU BE MY BOYFRIEND!”

    “GOOD!”

    “FANTASTIC!”

And they all lived happily ever after, (Eggman is in his lair fangirling with me) THE END.

#sonamy #sonamy boom #sonamy fanfics #sonamy fanfiction #sonamy stuff #fanfiction #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #lyra ze hedgie boiii #amy #amy rose #my god yes #amy is caught reading sonadow fanfiction #yes #YAS HONEY #for loafuwua #sonamy spicy~ #sonamy spicy #spicy sonamy

[iron--spider]

Worried that Tony Stark is going to die in Avengers: Endgame? Do you want proof that he logically shouldn’t and the citations needed to die on that hill in the event that the powers that be do the unthinkable? Well step right up, fans and friends, because @whimsicalethnographies and I have compiled everything you might need, from canon quotes to future promotional appearances, that prove Tony Stark is not destined to die, and if they do kill him, they are ignoring the path that they laid out themselves and are thus causing his character arc to fail.

Here we go:

Canon evidence

“Don’t waste your life, Stark”

“A man with everything and nothing”

Both of these quotes are referencing family. Yinsen was referring to his own loving family, and Tony revealed that he didn’t have one (of course it’s hinted that this is Pepper—she’s supposedly his frantic text when they’re first attacked—but he doesn’t explicitly have it or her yet). Yinsen’s sacrifice was not for Tony to become Iron Man. It was for Tony to have a life, to have a family. What he didn’t have in the beginning and what he wanted to stay alive for. Tony ultimately fulfilling Yinsen’s true wish for him to stop isolating himself and make a family would be the most satisfying way for Tony’s story to end.

Yinsen is able to die peacefully because he has family that has already passed, and he wants to see them again. There is no way Marvel can properly parallel this because Tony’s family (the ones he genuinely loves anyway, other than his mother) are still alive, or still in the future (his children). If he dies he will leave everyone behind. The love of his life will still be here, and he’ll never be able to have children. If Pepper is pregnant, this is even worse. He will have a child, as he wanted to do, as he was looking forward to doing, but he will never meet it. This is especially cruel.

This would be a gross subversion of Yinsen, and ruin any meaning the character actually had in Tony’s life. He wanted him to be more, to have more, and to Yinsen, more was a family who was waiting for him.

In IM3, a little boy in a restaurant ominously whispers, “How did you get out of the wormhole?” It’s heavily implied that that line is entirely in Tony’s head as he’s descending into a panic attack and represents his fear of the unknown, and his fear of how he’ll handle the unknown, essentially finding the man behind the Mandarin mask who is coming after the people he loves AND fear of what he’ll do if he doesn’t have his armor to protect him. He obsessively spent a year(ish) building suits (of questionable quality) to keep that unknown away. By the end, he’s faced *that* fear, the fear of who he is without the suits. His anxiety/PTSD shifts from that point to Thanos himself, but he doesn’t yet have a face or an actual explanation until Infinity War, even though the magnitude of it is ramped up in Ultron by Scarlet Witch using the power of the Mind Stone. This is the start of facing an unknown, and if it follows the narrative comparison, coming out on the other side victorious, better, and stronger as a person.  Rising above and moving on, not dying in the process, continuing to carry the self-inflicted weight of the entire universe.

“A famous man once said, ‘we create our own demons.’”  Dying when he comes into contact with and defeats his true demon—“my only curse is you”—is not giving Tony his good ending.

An article on Iron Man 3, arguably the most important movie in Tony’s arc https://filmschoolrejects.com/finding-the-place-of-iron-man-3-in-the-marvel-cinematic-universe/

“Tony is defined by his desire to set arms down and leave war behind; Steve is defined by his inability to do the same”

“If Marvel really wants to give Tony the ending he deserves, they’ll let him live. Fans will continue to push their predictions down the pipleline until they eventually come true, but the arc laid out for Tony, starting in Iron Man 3, is clear. He needs to let go, but he can’t. The conclusion of Tony Stark’s arc isn’t death; it’s learning to pass responsibility on not to an army of robots, but to the people he trusts. After ten years, Tony Stark deserves his time in the sun.”

Tony’s PTSD - it would be a punch in the face to those of us with anxiety/PTSD/OCD who identify with him. He's got one of the most realistic portrayals of mental illness in film, and the powers that be acknowledge that, and it would SUCK for a company like Marvel to rip it all away when he's almost to the point of letting go of the responsibility he's carried—rightly or wrongly, because Thanos would still be collecting those stones even if Tony had never been in that cave—since the beginning of his story. Dying? That's not letting go. That's saying "sorry you went through all this, it sucks and then you die, because it really was all YOUR responsibility and you have to suffer to fix it."

In Ultron, Helen Cho says Tony’s “bulky metal suits will be left in the dust”. Tony says that’s “exactly the plan”. He wants to retire. He wants to be able to stop being Iron Man so he can live his life.

“Isn’t that why we fight? So we can end the fight and go home?” Tony in Ultron. None of this has ever been continuous for Tony. He’s consistently been heading towards his future goals and fighting when he has to—he gets derailed because he feels it’s his duty to step back in. He does not seek out the fights, and he doesn’t necessarily want to be a part of them. He wants to make his life and that’s where his narrative is heading. If it doesn’t make it there, it fails. He fails.  

“Maybe I should take a page out of Barton’s book. Build Pepper a farm, hope nobody blows it up.”  “The simple life.”  “You’ll get there one day.  “I don’t know. Family, stability...the guy who wanted all that went into the ice 75 years ago. I think someone else came out.”  End of Ultron conversation with Steve. Tony wants to settle down, buy a farm for Pepper (representing retirement and the start of his family). He is the one, out of himself and Steve, that is actively seeking to “tap out” of the fighting life so he can be with Pepper, and start a family. Steve says “I’m home” when he hears the soldiers chanting.

Wedding conversations in Civil War, Homecoming and Infinity War. The amount of mentions this has is huge. It would be a major hanging thread if it never happens.

The original plan was for Pepper to be pregnant during CW, however this was changed to put Tony in a darker place. They are going for Dad-Tony eventually, and that wasn’t conducive with where he was in CW. Yet.

Happy has been carrying “that thing” since 2008. Would they really do that to Happy/Jon Favreau, perhaps the other father of the MCU as he directed Iron Man—have him carry the ring for 10 goddamn years just to cut that storyline off with no resolution? Happy deserves to see this man-child he’s chased around forever get married and settle down.

Specifically, “Wong, you’re invited to my wedding.” It would be a terrible subversion if instead he goes to his funeral.  

And per the writers (who also wrote the CA movies),

Markus: Things always shift in the writing, but I think we all knew where it was going and it was a matter of how best to get there so that it feels most satisfying or most earned.   What was that adjustment process like? How much did the script have to change from when you were breaking it in 2015 to when they went to film it? Were there big things that you had to account for that you just hadn't had any idea about? Markus: Because of the other movies? No. I don't think there was anything massive that we had to change gears for. There were things that became better because of the value that the other movie had acquired. https://www.etonline.com/how-the-avengers-endgame-writers-arrived-at-the-most-satisfying-ending-possible-exclusive-123477 That would be an absolutely collosal shift to wipe it away entirely

The baby conversation in Infinity War. Why set all this up so blatantly if they weren’t going to use it?  For a cheap emotional rug pull? Tony wants children, not just another set of his genes in the world.

And Pepper’s response; she doesn’t want children if he’s still Iron Man, for fear that he’ll be distracted, or something worse. If she’s going to have a kid with him, she wants him there. If the point was simply a baby, not a baby AND Tony, this is pointless exposition. Also, Pepper has thought Tony was dead at least four times: IM1, Avengers, IM3 and IW. Would they really make her watch it happen for real after that? Rob her of her family and make her worst fear come true, right in front of her eyes?

Tony as Odysseus - A lot of us—who've watched and identified with this character—realize that this is an Odyssey, not a Tragedy. Odysseus makes all kinds of mistakes while trying to get home, but he gets there, after 10 years. And then,

“As for yourself, death shall come to you from the sea, and your life shall ebb away very gently when you are full of years and peace of mind, and your people shall bless you. All that I have said will come true.” He makes it home. He got super lucky a lot of times, but he made it home, to his family. He found his everything.

“You’re a hard man, Odysseus. Your fighting spirit’s stronger than ours, your stamina never fails. You must be made if iron head to foot.”

Alternate translation- “You’re a hard man, Odysseus, stronger/ Than other men, and you never wear out, / A real iron-man.” (both quotes taken from starkravinghazelnuts, http://starkravinghazelnuts.tumblr.com/post/181064173168/so-i-did-more-research-about-tony-steve-and-thor)

Promotional

https://www.themeparkinsider.com/flume/201812/6461/ Tony Stark is heading up a new rollout in Disneyland parks. Speaks for itself, they’re making Tony have a very strong presence in the parks. Disney is for kids, kids love Iron Man, and they will be aware of his death and reminded of it when they see him and Stark Industries everywhere on their family vacation. Longtime fans will also have to deal with this. If they were actually going to kill him, why would they make his presence in the future of these parks so big?

“In California and Paris, Tony Stark is retrofitting two of his father’s Stark Industries sites into new hubs for training and innovation. Through partnerships with S.H.I.E.L.D., Pym Technologies, Masters of the Mystic Arts and the new Worldwide Engineering Brigade, The Avengers and their allies will forge new global campuses to champion the next generation of heroes.” We know Hank Pym hates the Starks because he feels Howard betrayed him by trying to replicate the Pym Particle.  As Scott says, “Hank Pym always said you could never trust a Stark.”  How does this work, unless there is something forward that allows them to establish a better relationship? This can’t be retrofitted to anything before a potential Endgame end.

https://youtu.be/0tW77VFKQC0 https://youtu.be/EVIu43xSeYY In the Ant-Man and the Wasp ride, they collaborate with Tony/Iron Man in their ride mission. You see him, they speak to him, and it seems like a new storyline. It connects to the Iron Man Experience’s storyline, the ride they already had there in Hong Kong.

https://www.playstation.com/en-us/games/marvels-iron-man-vr-ps4/ upcoming Iron Man VR game. It would be very morbid playing this game, from Tony’s POV, if Tony is dead.

That giant Iron Man statue for Endgame in Hong Kong (https://www.timeout.com/hong-kong/news/a-giant-4-5m-iron-man-installation-and-life-sized-avengers-have-taken-over-hysan-place-041219). Imagine coming across that thing if you just saw him die. It’s staying up until May 13th. Do they want it looking like a place of mourning? A monument with flowers and notes? Shit, that’s a spoiler in itself that I don’t think they want. It would also be incredibly depressing.

https://www.tmz.com/2018/01/12/avengers-4-wrap-party-cake-drops-clues/ Endgame wrap party cake. If Tony died, he would be on this thing. It wouldn’t even be considered a spoiler because Iron Man is literally the face of the MCU, so people wouldn’t look twice at it. But his absence does say something—that they didn’t think they needed to pay tribute to him here, because he is still around to pay tribute to later, if need be. This cake is implying different characters are in peril, with certain hands shooting up out of the ground. But Iron Man is only represented with his logo on the bottom, as are all the rest of the heroes. If he died, he’d be the centerpiece. More on this theory by starkravinghazelnuts http://starkravinghazelnuts.tumblr.com/post/180160474003/the-cake-theory-proposes-that-cap-nat-and-bruce

Cast quotes regarding Endgame

Gwyneth - (on a picture of her and RDJ) “you know I will be this guy’s Pepper any time he needs me” why would she say this if he’s dead? If he was dead and she didn’t want to spoil, she didn’t need to say anything at all.

And this wasn’t a one-off referring to playing opposite him, she was referring to Tony/Pepper, after an interview in which she said she was probably done, but would come back for a day if they wanted her.

Gwyneth again - https://www.etonline.com/how-the-avengers-endgame-writers-arrived-at-the-most-satisfying-ending-possible-exclusive-123477 “Pepper and Tony have had a real long journey together. She obviously starts as his dutiful assistant, and then the relationship evolves, and now this decade later they're married, and they have a child. Their relationship has evolved in all of the ways that great romances evolve.” Now, I always saw this as—Gwyneth was done filming when this quote was given. She was aware of the end of her character’s journey, so this is obviously something that happens at the END chronologically. Why would she reference something smack dab in the middle of the film, especially if it was just going to be erased by time travel/quantum realm shenanigans? She’s also wearing an engagement ring and a wedding band in some interview photos where she’s in costume. Plus, possible/probable spoilers…….Pepper is going to be suiting up as Rescue, which really knocks off the possibility of a mid-movie child for Pepper and Tony. It would be completely against her character to suit up and leave a kid behind, considering how much flack she gave Tony for his suits before, and how her hesitation to have a child hinged on Tony re-inserting his arc reactor. Plus, on a more emotional note, Gwyneth refers to Tony/Pepper as a great romance, and it is. But I feel like she and Robert combined would not be happy at all if the writers were to destroy this great romance by killing one of its members. That way it falls flat, it never finishes, it doesn’t get its rightful end. I feel like she and RDJ (who has significant sway over what happens to Tony) would argue against this happening. This is a great romance, and those end in happily ever afters. This isn’t West Side Story. This is a Disney movie.

Evans -  https://youtu.be/bH0frwdtmXM (when asked to describe the movie in one word on GMA) “Satisfying. It’s like TV shows, the final finale—how many times do they stick the landing? How many times do you walk away saying that went exactly how I wanted it to go? This movie—I think they deliver, I think they really do stick the landing in terms of, you know—addressing the arcs and really finding a completion.” I think this definitely speaks for itself. The arcs are important and we know what they are. One of our main concerns is them tossing out the true endings to these arcs for cheap, cruel emotional shocks. If Chris says specifically that the arcs are addressed, then we know what that SHOULD mean for each character. Plus, saying “that went exactly how I wanted it to go”? I don’t believe any genuine fans want deaths. Especially fans with children. People who genuinely care about these characters want to see them succeed and live to reap the rewards. So saying it went “exactly as I wanted it to go” and that they “stick the landing” bodes well for things ending up nicely for our heroes. Nothing in his speech here screams death.

Hemsworth - https://www.digitalspy.com/movies/a27110673/avengers-endgame-chris-hemsworth-interview/ also uses the word cathartic. Nothing about Tony dying would be cathartic. It would be sickening and depressing and we wouldn’t get anything out of it.

Taika Waititi https://www.express.co.uk/entertainment/films/1082838/Avengers-Endgame-Korg-Taika-Waititi-Thor-Ragnarok-Avengers-Infinity-War-MCU-Marvel “They keep their cards so close to their chests, but from what I’ve heard, it wraps up everything in a really great way." “It feels like the fans are getting rewarded for hanging around for 10 years and watching all these films.” “Because the more you know about the characters and the stories and stuff, the more satisfying this film will be.” These feel particularly important. A reward would not be killing the biggest character in the MCU. And he mentions the fact that really knowing the characters makes everything more satisfying. We all know where Tony is heading, and what he wants. These quotes particularly point to Tony surviving, and maybe everyone surviving.

Scarlett - https://wegotthiscovered.com/movies/scarlett-johansson-calls-avengers-endgame-beautiful-valentine-decade-madness/ “a beautiful valentine to a decade of madness” Not ‘my bloody valentine’. A gift full of love for the people that have been here for ten years watching these characters grow.

RDJ - https://twitter.com/our_rdj/status/1118891286763798528?s=21 https://twitter.com/caplovesfondue/status/1118764023397249024?s=21 https://twitter.com/MCU_Direct/status/1119043210553249792 “I guarantee you that this will pay off. This Avengers Endgame, I’ve said it before, is our finest hour.” “The last eight minutes of that movie are maybe the best eight minutes in the entire history of the whole run of them, in a way. Because everyone’s involved. So I was delighted.” Both of these quotes, from the man himself, the man who loves Tony Stark with his entire being, do not feel like a Tony death at all. Because if we know Tony, we know what a payoff for him is. It’s getting the life, the family he’s been fighting for since the beginning. And as for the second one, logically, eight minutes does not feel like enough time to send Tony off in an out-of-left-field death. And I think our final battle will be longer than eight minutes. So I personally believe he’s referring to the wedding. He loves Tony/Pepper enough to hold their wedding in extremely high regard. He’s always delighted with Tony’s happiness and Tony advancing in his journey, especially with Pepper by his side.

“Cathartic” - https://www.latimes.com/entertainment/herocomplex/la-et-hc-avengers-endgame-press-conference-20190407-story.html said by the Russos at the press conference

“Satisfying” - https://www.digitalspy.com/movies/a27110673/avengers-endgame-chris-hemsworth-interview/ , https://www.etonline.com/how-the-avengers-endgame-writers-arrived-at-the-most-satisfying-ending-possible-exclusive-123477

“Earned” https://www.etonline.com/how-the-avengers-endgame-writers-arrived-at-the-most-satisfying-ending-possible-exclusive-123477 When you think about Tony, you do not think his death is earned at this stage, because so much is left hanging that his story has been calling for since moment one. What would be “earned” for Tony is him marrying Pepper. He has more than earned that. She has earned this wedding, too.

Misc (POTENTIAL SPOILERS)

Tony has sacrificed over and over and over again, in almost every movie we see him in. Doing it in Endgame would be a rehash of the same storyline, and sacrifice is not something Tony has to learn. He already knows how, he’s already willing. He needs to learn how to live. Bringing him to that realization at the end of it all would be the most appropriate route to take.

Iron Man 1 - he implores Pepper to hit the button, even though she tells him, “but you’ll die.”

Iron Man 2 - while it could be said he would be killed by the presence of the reactor itself, JARVIS explicitly says the use of the suit is accelerating the palladium poisoning that is killing him. Tony doesn’t stop. Part of this could be attributed to his reckless end-of-life attitude, but it’s clear from the Senate hearing—he wouldn’t have stopped

The new element is obviously something in itself. While the IM2 novel called it vibranium, this was retconned in CA, and then set up for more in Captain Marvel when it was revealed the project involving the Tesseract was called Project Pegasus, first called that when Fury dropped off Howard’s things at Tony’s mansion. Tony withstood the power of the Mind stone in A1 with the arc reactor, and then again in IW when Thanos unleashed the power of the Power stone on him and the suit merely blocked it. The suit is literally powered by the Space stone, much like Carol is, and for IM2-IM3, the Space stone literally powers Tony, which is more than you can say for a Mad Titan. Even Hulk doesn’t have the power of the Space stone behind him. You don’t hang a gun on the wall unless you plan on firing it later.

Also tied into IM2 - “if you could make a god bleed” … Tony is the only one to actually injure Thanos.  

Avengers - Tony lays down on the wire. The arc set up by Steve’s comment is fulfilled when he flies the nuke through the wormhole. He knew it would probably kill him, which is why he tried to call Pepper.

Iron Man 3 - he sends his suit to Pepper first, when the “Mandarin” comes for him. Then in a deleted scene, he removes his arc reactor to save Harley’s bully, and nearly dies before Harley puts it back

Age of Ultron - Tony, despite wishing to go home and buy Pepper her farm, is willing to stay with Thor on the flying rock, even though he knows he could die, it’s his responsibility to fix this.

Civil War - this is a bit of subversion, as Tony is in a dark place and never needs to sacrifice his life. But as we saw in IM3, Tony IS Iron Man. And he’s willing to turn over power of Iron Man, which he wasn’t in IM2, to a higher power. He’s willing to give up his autonomy to keep the rest of the team out of jail and assuage his guilt (he’s starting to see the repercussions of bearing it all on his own). We can have discussions about who was right about which part, but Tony was willing to sacrifice a big part of himself.

Infinity War - duh. He got on that spaceship. He was planning on it being a one way trip (which incidentally, is why Pepper wasn’t keen on a kid). And then he took Thanos on one-on-one. And then, the look of despair when Strange gave up the stone to save him? He was more than willing to die.

Endgame - eventually, he will be willing to try, even if it means his death, because he’s always been willing to sacrifice himself. Remove that burden from his shoulders.

(It is interesting to note that the one time Tony is not in the position to sacrifice his life is in Spider-Man: Homecoming. When he is in the overseeing/mentor position, which could be his role in the MCU after Endgame, and when he’s starting to take up the role of “father figure”, which he should also be after Endgame, but to his own biological children as well.  He is however, appalled and terrified at the thought of someone else, this crazy Spider-child who’s just a bit too much like him, being reckless and willing to sacrifice himself.  Maybe Tony needs to take a bit of his own advice.)

The endings of the Iron Man movies are all tonally upbeat and to end Tony’s story for good on a “downer” note does not go along with his storyline --from starkravinghazelnuts http://starkravinghazelnuts.tumblr.com/post/181110494893/avengers-endgame-is-said-to-be-the-end-of-many-of

The Infinity Saga is Tony Stark’s arc. Every other character, including Cap, is ancillary. Every character is where they are because of a Stark. What happens to him will be the defining characteristic of the Saga, and it isn’t set up to be a Tragedy.  

RDJ says the last eight minutes of Endgame has “everybody” involved, which would obviously include Natasha, who is extremely important. Which contradicts the reddit “leaks.”

https://twitter.com/stevcrogvrs/status/1118853707280601088?s=21 Chris Evans says if Steve had a choice, he would go back in time to be with Peggy. Since he was able to say this, there’s no doubt that it doesn’t happen, as the Marvel spoiler snipers would have switched from Mark to Chris and put five holes in his head before he hit the ground. This contradicts the reddit “leaks.”

https://comicbook.com/marvel/2019/04/19/avengers-endgame-hawkeye-black-widow-relationship-jeremy-renner/ Jeremy Renner also says Clint and Natasha’s relationship will last “forever”, which seems to underline their closeness and how much they mean to each other. All of this contradicts the reddit “leaks”, which describe a horrible thing happening to the two of them that wouldn’t ever actually happen if they were to stay in character. Plus, Chris Evans apparently called these dudebros out and straight up denied their “leaks”, so these “leaks” have no veracity either way.

When asked to draw their favorite characters, Anthony Russo drew Iron Man and Joe drew Spider-Man. The Iron Dad relationship is obviously going to be important in the movie, and it would bode well for these characters to get a good ending in the movie if they’re the very favorites of both directors.

RDJ is screening Endgame at his house for family and friends on Easter Sunday. Would he really ruin a holiday with a movie in which his character dies an unwarranted death?

There has not been a wedding in the MCU yet. What would be a better way to end the MCU’s first romance than with the MCU’s first wedding? We’ve had a funeral already, for a side character, and that was bad enough. Imagine how horrible it would be to witness Tony Stark’s funeral as the ending for Endgame. That does not seem like the kind of feeling the Russos want to leave us with. The wedding seems far more appropriate for a movie of this scale and importance.

The chess theory (courtesy of starkravinghazelnuts) — “The last piece to discuss on the chess board is the King piece. This piece is the game winner. Once your king is check-mated, the game is over, and your opponent wins, regardless of the score. The king chess piece is the piece you must protect the most and the one you cannot live without. Many experienced players may find themselves utilizing the king in an attempt to gain an advantage over an opponent, something weaker chess players are leery of doing. No matter how you choose to use your king piece, he must stay alive at all costs.” Tony and Thanos are the Kings on opposing sides. The king must be kept alive in order to win, which is why Tony should make it to the end of the film intact. Thor also literally mentions someone “playing an intricate game” and says that person “has made pawns of us” at the end of Ultron when discussing the Infinity Stones. http://starkravinghazelnuts.tumblr.com/post/181491397743/starkravinghazelnuts-quite-frankly-this-is-the

Two very important meta pieces by starkravinghazelnuts, who has essentially been funding my positive attitude for a while now http://starkravinghazelnuts.tumblr.com/post/182086909963/looking-back-over-everything-i-still-feel-really http://starkravinghazelnuts.tumblr.com/post/182017989478/i-agree-with-you-the-rhodey-show-sounds-good-but-i

https://fanfest.com/2018/08/16/the-russos-reflect-on-iron-man-being-the-heart-and-soul-of-the-mcu/ “I think, in a lot of ways, he is the heart and soul of the Marvel universe,” Infinity War co-director Joe Russo said during a video interview with Wired. “He’s a fascinating character, a character that we love because he is imminently flawed and we like characters that are challenging and express their humanity and I think Tony Stark does that as well as any of the characters. He started off as a narcissistic alcoholic and grew into a hero which, I think, makes him imminently relatable and signifies what the Marvel universe stands for, which is character first and the heroes are defined through the choices that they make.” The Russos love Tony. And you cannot live without your soul, you cannot live without your heart. No matter what you say about Tony, losing him to death would leave a massive, gaping hole in the MCU. Keeping him available to return is the safer bet in almost every regard.

https://youtu.be/f0Ai05cUQoM “If there were no RDJ, there would be no MCU.” - Kevin Feige. RDJ started it all, and Tony shouldn’t die, his presence should remain. He should be able to pop in and out as he sees fit. They know his star power and how important Tony is to the MCU.

https://www.newsarama.com/39526-rdj-as-iron-man-irreplacable-but-will-eventually-leave-says-avengers-infinity-war-directors.html “One closeup from RDJ is worth another actor’s entire performance, he’s incredibly gifted and insanely talented” - Joe Russo. May be a weak reason, but would they really...make him permanently lost to them? They’ve expressed interest in coming back. Would they really banish their most talented and lucrative actor to the darkness of a character death for a cheap shock?

https://youtu.be/5ljluGA4dQU (around ten minutes in) In the Jimmy Kimmel interview, they show the clip they’ve been showing everywhere of Carol’s meeting with some of the Avengers. Jimmy points out that RDJ isn’t in the clip, and he asks if that means something bad for Tony. RDJ says “No, no, no. Not in the slightest.” He could and probably is referring to the fact that Tony is definitely alive at this point, sure, but his attitude and the way he says it points to an overall confidence about Tony that bleeds over to the viewer. In fact, Robert’s whole demeanor during this press tour has been one of pure joy. He is having the time of his life, dancing and laughing, moreso than we have seen before. It could be a man enjoying his last tour with a very special group, but, somehow, I don’t believe someone who loves Tony as much as RDJ does would be this happy if Tony died. Especially if Tony’s death was unwarranted and out-of-left-field, which it absolutely would be if it happened. And this is in contrast to Chris, who has been, while not sad, far more reserved.

Some on-point thoughts from some of the few sane people on reddit:

“After Infinity War went out of its way to establish Thanos as a physical embodiment of Tony’s PTSD (“he’s been in my head for 6 years,” “My only curse is you”, *author’s note:  see also above with coming to face an unknown fear like in IM3*), the idea of him ultimately defeating Thanos by killing himself is like... morally reprehensible as a message. I’d like to think Markus and McFeely would know better than that, but honestly, I’ve felt since Civil War that they don’t have the best grasp on his character. Edit: someone asked me in a PM to elaborate on this, so I’m just gonna go ahead and post what I wrote just in case anyone’s interested. Ok, this is gonna be kinda long, but I’ve been sitting on this for a while. so Iron Man 3 was the beginning of Tony’s new character arc that’s gone from phase 2 up till now. In phase 1, his whole journey was learning not to be selfish, and to be willing to put himself on the line to protect others. Avengers 1 completes that arc, and Iron Man 3 sets up a new conflict, where he’s driven entirely by his trauma from the events of The Avengers. He’s obsessed with protecting the world from threats beyond his control- we see it in Iron Man 3 with the house party suits being products of his anxiety, and in Age of Ultron with the Ultron program. He feels like it’s his responsibility to be everyone’s protector, and he’s desperately clinging to any sense of control he can still have in a world that he now realizes is much bigger than him. In Infinity War, he finds out that the event that left him traumatized was orchestrated by Thanos, and for the rest of the movie is driven by a single-minded need to confront Thanos directly and put an end to him, in order to finally be free of the PTSD that’s dominated his life for 6 years. By taking on that responsibility and ambushing him on Titan instead of reaching out to his support system (Steve + the other Avengers), Tony inadvertently puts everything he cares about at risk. In the context of Tony’s story, Thanos is his trauma- and Tony’s defeat on Titan is a direct result of his compulsive need to carry the burden of that trauma alone. So to then have him sacrifice himself to defeat Thanos in Endgame essentially sends the message that “yes, it is a good thing to bear that trauma on your own, and in fact, if you can’t see any other option, killing yourself is an acceptable solution.” It sends a horrible message in the context of the ongoing story, and it doesn’t tell us anything new about Tony as a character- we already know he’s self-sacrificing, it’s been his defining character flaw for four movies already. It’s just a really poor way to end his story.” — msg53

“This. Tony’s arc has been about letting go of his ego while learning to rely on others. His first step was handing Stark Ind. over to Pepper. He tried letting go with Ultron, but it failed cuz Ultron was just an extension of himself. Then he started seeing how being a mentor/father figure could help a kid in need of both (Peter) and the eventual next step should be family and real retirement while others defend/avenge Earth, once he’s done with his Thanos curse. Aside from Thor, His death would feel the most gratuitously out of sync with his journey of all the OG Avengers.” —VictorVonDoomBots

(special shoutout to cuddlebirb over there, consistently fighting for Tony rights)

The absolute nastiness to take out their main character, their cash cow, the one that started it all, when he’s got so much still hanging simply makes no sense. They would leave people with a sick feeling in their stomachs over this movie. People would not be happy with the turn of events, they would feel cheated out of a proper ending for the main character of the whole franchise. It would not be an event movie, it would be the movie that Killed Tony Stark. It would be tainted, and I don’t think the Russos want that. I know they say they think about their own reactions when writing these films, but they’ve gotta be smart enough to realize what a mistake this would be for the die-hard, longtime fans.

Plus, this is an ending to one generation and a lead-in to another. They don’t have Stan anymore to do their cameos, and some people will be on edge about whether to continue. Having RDJ hang around to do cameos and show up here and there to help the new heroes will put people in those seats for the upcoming films. His fifteen minute presence in Homecoming made many people go see the film that wouldn’t have otherwise. They need a hero that people know and love to remain a constant, even if he’s not in a starring role, and Tony Stark is the perfect person to do this. He always helped the younger heroes in the comics, and he’s already taken the mentor mantle with Peter. It’s a natural progression.

The amount of suffering that Tony has been through in the entirety of the MCU and in Endgame in particular, should lead to him finally getting something good in the end, a retirement where he gets to relax and let someone else carry the weight of the world instead of him, for once. Endgame will begin with Tony in extreme anguish, sick, hurt, sad and alone (save for Nebula). In the end, he should be healthy and happy, surrounded by the people who love him, with his future bright, full of possibility, and free of threats because Thanos is gone. That is simply good writing and good bookending. The writers shouldn’t be in the business of torturing Tony for torture’s sake. If he begins in such a dark place, he should end somewhere promising.

Happy’s behavior in FFH trailer. Tony is Happy’s best friend. Would the man be acting so chill, flirting with May, if his BFF just died? It is confirmed that FFH takes place minutes after Endgame. Plus, in a deleted Infinity War scene that featured Happy, Tony says that he and Pepper should set him up with someone. Would that someone be May?

Pepper is literally Tony’s endgame—he says it himself, “in the end, it’s always you.”

#tony stark #avengers endgame #avengers #marvel #endgame speculation #this is massively long but i think it really gets its point across #there is just way way too much pointing to his survival #robert downey jr #rdj

[eeveelutionsforequality]

(1) As much as I know of the self diagnosis vs self advocacy debate, I haven't seen anyone talk about how to self advocate when it comes to mental health. I strongly suspect I am bipolar, since I have a confirmed history of major depressive episodes, but I also have periods of experiencing symptoms of hypomania. I was also subjected to bullshit social skills classes in high school (I'm autistic), which among other things, taught me to communicate indirectly to avoid hurting people's feelings.

(2) I know it is caused me problems with communicating, but I am still in the habit of doing that, and I realized that may be why I'm not getting anywhere when I bring it up to my therapist. I'm not comfortable with resorting to self-diagnosis at this time, but I also think the lack of a correct diagnosis is why therapy has not been helping me cope as much as it could. How do I bring it up in a way that will let my therapist know I want her to address my concerns?

I praise self-advocacy as an alternative to self-diagnosis, because those ballsy enough to walk into a psychiatrist's office or a conversation and declare "I have [thing]" are probably able to more rationally approach the subject in a "These are my symptoms and I think it could be this..." way. But just like how autobiographies aren't the only kind of biography, self-advocacy is far from the only kind of advocacy.

You don't need to be your own advocate, somebody else can come along and advocate for you - a friend, a family member, a volunteer from one of the local advocacy groups, etc. There's a group near me that advocates specifically for autistic people, for example.

If your conversation skills are inhibiting you from being able to adequately discuss things with a professional, you don't have to do it alone - it's definitely worth doing some googling, popping into some places that have leaflets for that sort of thing, etc, and finding out what's available near where you live if there's nobody in your life that can do that for you.

I have two advocates - one is a family member and one is an honourary family member. I do research, send it to them, and they keep notes about my symptoms, fluctuations, things I've shown them, etc, so that my memory issues don't become a barrier between me and what I want to explain. It's a life-saver.

At my last appointment, one came along and helped me fill in the forms, meaning that I got about twice the information down that I would've got down if I was relying on only my own brain. When I had to go to a tribunal, one came along then too, and they were excellent at spotting how the judge was trying to twist my words and butting in to correct him.

If you're more comfortable self-advocating then there are a number of things that you can do to make the process easier.

Firstly, keep a diary. Every day you need to write down your symptoms, your mood, notable moments, things you want to ask the doctor, food, fluid, sleep, alcohol, etc. Take that with you.

Secondly, go over that before the appointment and write yourself a "script". It doesn't need to be detailed or word for word, just get down the most important points and the way in which you want to convey them (NOT the way in which the memory of social skills classes tells you to convey them, but what you'd want somebody to say to you if they were trying to convey this effectively to you). Take that with you.

What I did with my DID was write a draft script on a piece of A4 paper a couple of weeks beforehand, and then I let my alters add to it or make notes on it with their opinions - I took that in with me and showed the doctor, and the differences in handwriting and wording had a much bigger impact than I was expecting and really helped in getting them to seriously consider that possibility.

Thirdly, don't waffle. I know it's tempting to be like "I have to get all of the details out in the first speech", but the therapist is going to ask questions afterwards. Boil what you need to say down to its key components, the facts that you need her to understand as the foundation moving forwards, and work out how to effectively convey those in less time than somebody would get the urge to interrupt - no tangents, no innuendo, just "This. That. The other thing too." But don't skip important details for the sake of brevity - find the balance.

Fourthly, make sure that you have the right psychiatrist. The counsellor that I had in college and the clinical psychiatrist that I had in hospital were both able to pick up on the things that made me more comfortable and more able to speak, and both knew not to interrupt me - the two of them learnt more about me and made me more comfortable than any other professional, just by letting me drink a hot chocolate and doodle on my phone. The psychologist who did my mindfulness therapy, on the other hand, insulted me for using my phone and my wall became 87% thicker in less than a second. You have to be working with somebody who lets you speak and who understands the way in which you speak.

Fifthly, if you know what helps you speak, tell them; if you don't know what helps you speak, begin the conversation with words to the effect of "I'm really struggling to get this out, but I prepared really hard, so I'd really appreciate it if you'd let me say my piece, and then we can discuss it afterwards instead of you interrupting me and making it harder for me to get out what I need to get out." If they then interrupt you, remind them that at the beginning of this they promised not to do so.

Remind yourself mentally that this is your therapy, this is your recovery, this is for you, this is important, and you deserve to be heard.

Sixthly, do research but downplay how much research you've done... "I stumbled across something that accurately described my experience and they called it hypomania" sounds a lot better than "I heard of hypomania on tumblr and spent twelve hours researching it" because the latter says to a doctor "I convinced myself that I have this because it sounded cool".

I was seeing psychiatrists back when the emo fad started, I was talking to them at the height of "Teenagers are all pretending to have depression because they read about it on the internet and think it's cool" days, so I know first-hand how eager some professionals can get to jump to that conclusion - unfortunately, there were times when seeing doctors felt more like a test of my ability to word the truth in a more digestible way than an opportunity to actually talk about how I was feeling.

An essential part of research should be to get your terms right - I fucked up back in the day because I referred to my compulsion to mime slitting my wrists or shooting myself in the head when I'm panicked as a "suicidal gesture" (however there's a medical term, "suicide gesture", that sounds almost identical and it means when you feign a suicide attempt by injuring yourself in a non-deadly manner, typically for attention) and not as a compulsion, which is part of how my OCD diagnosis got wrongly changed to a BPD diagnosis. I had never even heard of the terminology, I was just saying "I have to do a suicidal gesture when I'm panicking" meaning "When I'm panicked I have the compulsion to mime ways in which I envision killing myself", it was just poor wording, I had no idea that it was a medical term with an entirely different meaning. That created a huge misunderstanding, as you can imagine.

Seventhly is some advice that a friend gave me and honestly it's one of the best things that I've ever heard and comes in two parts: 1) play to your strengths, and 2) use your acting voice.

So part 2 is the easy one, everybody has something called a chest voice - it's a deeper voice that you use when singing or performing that projects better. Look up some YouTube videos on how to use your chest voice and practice it - it conveys a confidence that most people's normal voices do not. You could also stand in front of a mirror and work on your facial expressions.

Part 1 is a little more complicated and probably something that people will frown upon me for saying but... in this world you gotta be a little manipulative sometimes, you've got to assess situations and respond accordingly, you've got to word things certain ways.

I'm a very small, quiet person with an accent that immediately halves my IQ to everyone who hears it, it is near enough impossible for me to convey an air of superiority and maturity, but it's easy for me to play dumb and sweet. I can't get the psychiatrist to shut up by being somebody who sounds like I know what I'm talking about, if I get annoyed or snap it won't look like anger (I'm too quiet and I physically do not possess angry face muscles, I hate it), but if I go quiet and stare sadly at the floor then people notice and ask what's wrong. I can't get somebody to inherently assume that when I name a disorder I know what I'm talking about, but I can pretend that I've never heard of it or heard it in passing, and lead them into suggesting it.

I'm an extreme case in this regard and it's usually not a good idea to hide your real emotions and act when you're in a scenario where somebody is literally monitoring your body language for signals... there are definitely hardcore disadvantages and risks to that, and I am most certainly not recommending misleading your doctor, in fact I'm actively advising against doing that (I'm just saying that I do that sometimes, because I'm a dick and because my voice trying to yell "Shut the fuck up!" when I feel that angry usually only earns an "It doesn't even sound like swearing when you do it, that's adorable." because I'm fucking cursed).

What I am saying though is that I can't tell you exactly how to act (in fact, I'd be encouraging you to do something that I literally just said is bad if I did tell you how to act), I can't tell you exactly what words to say, where to put your hands, etc. The tip here is that you've got to be able to improvise, to assess the situation, to adapt, to know what you are and are not capable of and work within that, to see when a path is either going nowhere or going off topic and figure out how to direct it back, you've got to know how to talk to that specific person (professionals are just people, at the end of the day, and every person is different in how they speak and how they like being spoken to - some respond best to you casually bringing stuff up, some respond to structure, some click with you, some really don't).

Eighthly and most importantly, don't let any of this get you nervous. This advice is almost a "How to survive some of the shittiest doctors I had" sort of thing. The most likely outcome is that they're going to listen intently to what you have to say, trust you, respect you, ask the appropriate questions, and help you make sense of what's going on.

I have no doubt that you can do this and that you will absolutely rock it - you don't need that confidence in yourself, but reminding yourself that it's going to go well, that you're badass, that the professional is there to help you, and that they'll want this information as much as you want them to have it, that stuff will help. Believe in the heart of the cards, or the power of friendship, or your Pokémon, or something.

So, to put all this into something vaguely actionable (although I can't really give you much specific advice because I don't know what's going on in your head, so this is just like... idk vague template example thingy), the foundation of what you want your doctor to know is "I have the symptoms of hypomania, I want you to seriously consider the possibility that this is bipolar and not just depression."

In your symptom diary, keep track of the symptoms of hypomania - irritability, sleeplessness, recklessness, elation, etc - note down when they show up, how bad they are, how they impact you, your food and fluid and alcohol intake, the times of day when certain things happened, how well and long you slept, etc, but also jot down the depressive episodes and other potential symptoms, in case you need to answer questions in regards to those.

Next, write down the key points that you want to bring up on a separate note: how often did the symptoms generally show up? for how long? which are the most damaging? what is the worst thing that happened as a result?

Now you're in the appointment with your note and diary, you've told the doctor "You know I have some communication issues so I really need you to let me say what I've prepared, because I feel like the fact that the things I'm about to discuss aren't being addressed is really inhibiting my therapy." The doctor has agreed to let you speak and you've got your notes in front of you, and you say (a more applicable to you equivalent of) "I started a symptom diary a little while ago, I've brought it with me - I made note of symptoms, food intake, medication, sleep, and so on. I noticed that I was getting exceptionally irritable and hyperactive, especially during periods of a few days when I wasn't exhibiting as many of the depression symptoms, and I've ruled out sleep, food, and other factors as causes. On the fourth of last month, I got so restless that I couldn't sit down and I actually gave myself blisters pacing back and forth for six hours - while during the depressive episodes I can barely even manage to walk to the bathroom let alone pace. I came across an article online while looking up ways to ease the irritability, and I found that a few people described things incredibly similar to what I was going through, and they used the term 'hypomania'. I was hoping that we could talk through the symptoms that I've documented, and you could help me get my head around what's going on and how to treat it."

Then the doctor asks her questions, you answer as honestly and fully as you can, and try to cite evidence from your symptom diary.

If you can't manage to say the words that you need to say to start off such a conversation, then instead of just writing notes you could fully write out what it is that you want to say, and ask them to read it - explaining that you feel especially anxious about your ability to vocally express this, but it needs to be addressed because it's negatively impacting your therapy and your state of life.

Or, as I suggested at the beginning, have somebody else come along as an advocate.

That's just my advice stemming from my own experience... for some people, this advice might be unhelpful. As I mentioned earlier, you need to assess your situation, assess what you are and are not capable of, assess how your doctor usually responds to you, what they respond well to and what they respond poorly to, and so on - everybody's situation is different, so there isn't a list of "This is exactly what to say and do to get a doctor to listen to you" (as much as the crowd of people who adore convincing doctors that they have the next fad would love for there to be something like that). Ultimately, like any conversation, it's about what works best for the two individuals involved in that specific conversation.

Since I've broached this less from a general self-advocacy stand point (heck, I may even have pissed off self-advocacy people because a lot of this was "tips on how to stop shitty doctors being shitty" rather than all of the stuff about keeping records and knowing your rights and so forth) and more from a "personalized tips pulled from Vape's ceramic jar of ways to avoid my shitty mistakes", I'm now going to give you a handful of links to some more professional self-advocacy sites, and I recommend that you do proper research on the topic for a few hours on google. As flattered as I am that you came to me, and as hopeful as I am that my advice helps in some way, me waffling about the ways I avoid getting screwed over again isn't professional advice - I'm very aware, as someone who's worked in a youth group, that I am not the fountain of all knowledge and that it is my job to pass you on to those more capable and to ensure that you know that my word isn't law.

So check out some of these and do more specific research and googling when you have the time (these aren't all about self-advocacy in medical care, some are about self-advocacy in other areas or advocacy in general, but I hope the advice may still be useful):

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/advocacy/#.WlaI26CnzqA

http://www.familyaware.org/how-to-model-mentalhealth-selfadvocacy/

http://www.cooltanarts.org.uk/what-we-offer/self-advocacy/

https://www.voiceability.org/support-for-you/self-advocacy/

http://www.dhs.state.il.us/page.aspx?item=39797

https://www.ncld.org/archives/action-center/what-we-ve-done/self-advocacy-5-tips-from-a-student

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/9767596

https://www.includenyc.org/resources/video-detail/10-self-advocacy-tips-for-young-people-with-disabilities

https://www.kidney.org/content/5-tips-self-advocacy

Also, full disclosure, I haven't thoroughly read all of these and I'm low on sleep and running on way more caffeine than I should really have had... I'm probably not in the best state to be imparting important information right now, but I really hope that somewhere in this jumble I said something that was useful. (I also love how the quality just gradually declines after I start craving a cigarette at the midway point... I'm so sorry.)

EDIT: PS I'm sorry that I got pronouns and job titles and stuff jumbled up all through this, uhh, my brain is running on super fast mode right now so it's not really accessing all of the important files or deeper processing. I'm sorry, again.

Alternatively, if your therapist is super great and trusts you "I think I've been experiencing hypomania, and I think this may be bipolar and not just depression" will work fine... but the symptom diary, that is a good tip for anybody and everybody, regardless.

~ Vape

#Mod Vaporeon #I really do hope this helps #also sorry if I'm acting a bit weird and sporadic #speaking of mania #I don't get many manic phases lately so I'm really not prepared for if this one lasts #and the caffeine is making it worse

[tardigreatest]

I was just in my drafts and found this draft from 2014 about a play that I hated. I don’t remember what else I was going to say about it but oh man this play was bad and fuck Eve Ensler:

Because I now have a full head of rage on about Eve Ensler and O.P.C., here follows Lynette’s list of Things That Were Bad (So Bad) About That Play, Like Literally My Friend And I Sat There And Stared At Each Other For A Really Long Time During Intermission, Our Faces All Like What The Fuck Did We Just Watch:

Design Decisions About Which You Should Feel Bad:

-If you want the audience to sympathize with your main character, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT MAKE HER A WHITE GIRL WITH DREADS (and I mean that might tell you all you need to know about that play, feel free to stop reading there)

-When you want the audience to accept that whatever work of art a character has created is great, the problem is that, if you’re going to show it to them, you actually have to make it great. Like, no, that is not a beautiful upcycled piece of art, it is a weird, weirdly lit, weirdly twisted, kinda jellyfish-looking collection of empty water bottles. Just… no.

Actual Script Things About Which You Should Feel Bad:

-Amazing up-to-date cultural references included in a real life play premiering in 2014: Freegans! Oprah! Barbara Walters! Drag culture! Haha EVE ENSLER IS REALLY IN TOUCH WITH POP CULTURE Y'ALL.

-Any supposedly-feminist play in which the most sympathetic character ends up being the white father HAS SOME ISSUES.

-So (and y'all, this is bad, and we will talk about this more), the title, O.P.C., stands for Obsessive Political Correctness, a disorder with which the main character is diagnosed. Part of her treatment: keep her separated from media which might expose her to news about which she will feel upset, specifically television, radio, and newspapers. DO YOU NOTICE WHAT IS NOT MENTIONED HERE, THIS IS A SHOW IN WHICH THE MAIN CHARACTER HAS A VLOG YET NOBODY MENTIONS THAT POSSIBLY THE INTERNET IS A PLACE WHERE SHE MIGHT BE LEARNING ABOUT SHIT GOING ON IN THE WORLD.

-While she is in a psychiatric hospital being treated for this (DEEPLY OFFENSIVE) fictitious disorder, two other characters show up, mainly as comic relief: one has OCD, the other appears to (though her diagnosis is never stated) be schizophrenic. HAHA MENTAL DISORDERS ARE SO FUNNY EVERYONE.

-

#belated theatre commentary #eve ensler #o.p.c. #obsessive political correctness #you are bad and you should feel bad

[whyspeakin]

How did Kim Kardashian become famous

How did Kim Kardashian become famous is the one question that everyone might be asking!

Kim Kardashian Height Kim Kardashian is an advertising and marketing genius. Kim Kardashian is known for SEX Sells, And what she markets is herself. She seems to be baring all, however, her picture is obsessively edited and scripted. Kardashian is a perfectionist, and he or she is a workaholic obsessive about fame and cash. She is completely obsessive and OCD relating to her fastidiously crafted picture. Kim Kardashian is known for her nude Pictures, her buttocks are featured above the caption: "Break the Internet" https://youtu.be/Ed3V1N19xAM Kim Kardashian Naked Post Sex sells. Kim Kardashian's rise to fame started in 2007 with a "leaked" intercourse tape starring our lady and rapper Ray J (brother of a pop star, Brandy, and first cousin of rapper Snoop Dogg). Again, many starlets have leaked intercourse tapes, however, few have gone on to turn into family names. Even fewer are price $100M. Kardashian epitomizes the trendy day Amerikan dream.

Kim Kardashian Born:

Kimberly Noel Kardashian on: October 21, 1980 (age 39)

Kim Karsashian Born At: Los Angeles, California, U.S.

Kim Karsahian Net Worth $370 million Kim Kardashian Height 5 ft 2 inch

Kim Kardashian magnificence, Kardashian is known for her KKW Beauty and KKW perfume, beforehand referred to as Kimono however the identify was modified as a consequence of speedy backlash. She is 100 most influential individuals Kim Kardashian can be well-known for Paris theft On October 2, 2016, whereas attending Paris Fashion Week, Kardashian was robbed at gunpoint within the house the place she was staying. Five people, dressed as law enforcement officials, sure and gagged her, then stole $10 million prices of the jewellery. The thieves obtained in her residence by threatening the concierge. Once they accessed Kardashian's room, they held a gun to her head, tying her wrists and legs and wrapping duct tape around her mouth as a gag. Kardashian, who was positioned within the bathtub, was bodily unhurt and reportedly begged for her life. https://youtu.be/YaTc2unDgBU How did kim Kardashian become famous just because of her Natural horny looks or its just a camouflage She is horny (to some). She is photogenic -- with the assistance of huge make-up, hair styling, photo-shop, and costly wardrobe. And she has completely no disgrace exploiting ALL of it. Kardashian is now married, and a mom and has continued to be sexually outrageous. It works. She lately posed bare in Paper ' s 2014 winter challenge. Paper ' s web site obtained 15.9 million views in sooner or later, in contrast with 25,000 views on a median day. Her husband, rapper Kanye West posts extremely sexual images of her on Instagram. He additionally raps about her intercourse tape, bragging about their lifestyle: "Eat breakfast at Gucci. My girl a superstar all from a home movie." She lately printed an e-book, "Selfish," crammed with selfies, principally in bathing fits. People are drawn to the glamour. Kim posts footage of herself on personal planes, on fancy holidays, on the MetBall, in beautiful seashores (in a scantily clad bathing go well with in fact), and on unique occasions. Viewers really feel like they get a style of what it's preferred to be a star, they usually click on her images to dwell vicariously by her. Again, all of those pictures are fastidiously crafted, and even when she exhibits an image of herself as she is simply waking up, she has full hair and make-up. Kardashian is in all places and closely diversified. She by no means went to varsity (she dropped out of High School), however, she is an extremely profitable multi-faced entrepreneur. Kardashian stars in a well-liked actuality TV present have printed books, graced the quilt of Vogue, launched a well-liked app, has a clothesline, a fragrance, and way more. The choose-your-own-adventure-style Kim Kardashian app— the place followers go on picture shoots, dates, and hang around with Hollywood stars, "in order to climb the ranks and become an A-list celebrity," — has 28 million downloads and 11 billion minutes of play because it launched final summer season. It can be on monitor to rake in over $200 million. It guarantees fame and fortunes the Kim Kardashian means: customers should pay fixed consideration to their wardrobe, social standing, romantic life, media presence, and accumulation of wealth. The objective is to earn digital money, and particular Kardashian branded Ok stars, within the hopes of changing into well-known. “Join KIM KARDASHIAN on a pink carpet journey in Kim Kardashian: Hollywood! Create your individual aspiring superstar and rise to fame and fortune! Read the full article

[ihealthlove1-blog]

Crazy Talk: My Therapist Suggested I Commit Myself. I am Terrified.

As somebody who’s been twice, I have lots of advice for you personally.

While he is not a certified therapist, he’s got a lifetime of experience living with the obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). He’s learned things the hard way to ensure you (hopefully) do not have to.

Content Note: Allergic hospitalization, suicide I’ve fought with treatment-resistant melancholy for a lengthy time, and that I really don’t appear to be getting improved.

I have been suicidal for weeks, although I don’t intend on murdering myself, my therapist recommended that I still go to a medical facility for longer care. I am scared, though.

Whenever people ask me about what it’s like to be psychiatrically hospitalized, ” I don’t beat around the bush: “It really is the worst vacation I have ever taken.”

It’s a vacation that, by the way, I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing double. And that I couldn’t even set my vacation photos upon Instagram, because they took my phone off. The nerve!

If I had, though, it probably would have appeared something similar to that:

(Could you tell comedy is just one of my own coping skills?)

If you are feeling scared, I apologize completely with all the worries that you’re speaking about. The media has never exactly done us any favors in this regard.

When I pictured’psychology wards’ (you know, before I was actually in one single ), I guessed them at precisely the exact same way you’d remember something from the horror film — together with padded rooms, yelling patients, and nurses strapping people down and sedating them.

As striking as that sounds, those sensationalized stories are my sole point of reference up until there.

The reality, though, was not the horror film I had imagined.

My walls weren’t padded (though that sounds comfy), patients were somewhat more likely to become more friendly than screaming, and the most play we’d was talking who had control on the remote every evening once we saw television.

That’s not to imply this was a delight. Being hospitalized was uneasy — and in most ways scary because it’s unknown in every manner. I tell you this to not scare you personally, but instead, to prepare one and also allow you to establish the correct expectations moving in.

The large alteration has related to control, which everybody has a different reaction to.

You don’t have complete control within the food that you eat, where you sleep, even when you’re able to use a phone, your schedule, and in some instances, when you leave.

For a few, having the ability to give up the day-to-day preparation and let someone take control of this really is a relief. For many others, it’s embarrassing. And some times? It’s only a little bit of either.

The area I enjoyed the least, though, was that the impression of being under a microscope. That feeling to be under observation at each moment (and with it, a lack of solitude ) wasn’t an easy task to handle.

I sensed pretty mentally prior to being confessed, but I felt like a full-on nut job when I noticed someone using clipboard-carrying notes about how much food I had left my own tray.

So yes, I will not sugar coat it: Hospitals are uneasy regions. That also did not stop me from moving back another time when I had to though. (and when you keep reading, I’ll give you a few tips to make it easier, I promise.)

Therefore why did I go willingly? And twice, no further? That’s a legal question.

Why will anyone, really, if it has such an uncomfortable experience?

The simplest answer I can offer is the fact that sometimes what we will need to perform and exactly what we would like to do will be two very different things.

And what we prefer over-rides our judgment concerning what we desire, which is the reason why outside remarks — like the therapists — are so valuable in retrieval. Few men and women are excited to visit your hospital for just about any reason. But basically just did exactly what I wanted to do, then I would be eating Sour Patch Kids for snacking and breakfast children’s birthday parties so that I could make use of their dream home and eat their own cake.

To put it differently, I would probably get arrested for trespassing.

I went into the hospital as the emotional and mental anguish I was experiencing had been much significantly more than that I could manage. I needed help, even though I did not need to receive it in a hospital, then I logically understood which was where I was likely to find it.

If you’re able to imagine this scene waltzed right up into the emergency room and said very quietly, “I wanted to jump in front of a train, so I came back here ”

It isn’t a conversation I ever imagined myself with, but then again, few individuals actually anticipate a mental breakdown or write a script to it.

I could have said it casually — and probably fearful the sh*t out of this attendant — but down deep, I was fearful.

It is probably the bravest thing I’ve ever done. And I have to be fair with you, too: I can’t promise you that I would still be living if I had not made that choice.

You do not have to be on the edge of death to visit the hospital, even though.

Maybe not knowing your therapist so I can not say for sure an inpatient stay was recommended (if you aren’t sure, you’re allowed to ask, you know!). I do understand, though, it’s perhaps not just a recommendation that clinicians create softly — it’s simply suggested if they truly feel it’s going to be on your benefit.

I know know, it’s tough to imagine that anything good could come out of it.

However beyond just”staying alive,” there are some important advantages to psychiatric illness that we should chat about.

In case you’re on the fence, here are some things to consider:

You will have to concentrate on you. I predicted it a vacation, didn’t I? No texts answer, no-work emails to juggle — that really is an occasion when you can concentrate completely in your self-care.

You receive an extra pair of health opinions. A brand new clinical team, and so, a pair of fresh eyes can result in a remedy program or even a brand new diagnosis that jump starts your retrieval.

Short-term handicap benefits become more accessible. In many places, short-term handicap benefits become much simpler to get when you are hospitalized (and you’ll have social workers who’re there to assist you to navigate this approach, too).

You are able to reset your regular. Psych hospitals follow pretty consistent schedules (breakfast at 9, art therapy in the time, group therapy AT1, etc ). Getting into a predictable routine can be simpler than you’d think.

Medication changes can occur faster. If something isn’t working, you may not have to wait three weeks before your next appointment with a psychiatrist.

You don’t need to pretend you’re not really a mess. Everyone else is sort of expecting you to be always a wreck, right? Go ahead, cry if you would like to.

You are surrounded by those who”have it.” In meeting other patients, I found kindred souls who could understand what I was going through. Their service was just as helpful since the medical staff’s, or more.

It’s usually safer than being alone. I couldn’t exactly jump in front of the train when I couldn’t leave the ward with a key, now could I?

That said, it’s difficult to know just how to get ready for a stay in a particular hospital, as each one is different.

But in case you’re declaring yourself these are a few basic tips which will make the experience better:

Packs a suitcase (or duffel bag)

This made my 2nd hospitalization therefore far better than my original.

Bring plenty of pajamas with drawstrings removed, more panties than you think you’ll want a light blanket, and also any soothing activities that do not involve sharp or electronics objects.

Designate a service team

Is someone willing to remain in your apartment and keep things tidy (and, when you’ve got animal companions, then keep them hydrated?). That would be communicating with your workplace updates are needed? Who is your”public relations” person if people start wondering why they’ve not heard from you in a little while?

Think about what you’ll need help with, and don’t be afraid to reach out and have your loved ones for support.

Write down the phone numbers you’ll need

More than likely, they’ll require your mobile off. So if you can find people you will want to call, however, you do not have their phone numbers memorized, it’s really a good idea to get them down to paper and have them.

Stop by way of a bookstore or library

What electronic equipment you can or can’t have varies by hospital, but many err on the side of a full-scale electronic detox.

Do not despair, though! Move”old school” along with your entertainment: Graphic novels, comic books, puzzle books, and self-help books were my very best friends when I had been hospitalized. I kept a diary, too.

Make (little ) programs for the future

I knew after my initial hospitalization I had been going to find a brand new tattoo to remind myself of their potency that I showed in my recovery. In case it will help, keep a running list of what you’d love to complete once you get on the other hand.

Outline your expectations

What would you like to get out of your hospital experience? It is helpful for you to have some vague idea of what you are searching for, and also to communicate it to your providers as best you can.

What improvements do you will need to find — logistically, mentally, and physically — for your own life to be much more manageable?

Plus one last thing, before I get off my soapbox: If you do go to the hospital, then do not rush your restoration.

This is actually the very best advice I will give but it is going to be one of the most counter-intuitive, too.

I know that the rush to receive the hell out of there because that’s just what I did the first time — I put on quite the show to become released early… well until I was actually prepared to leave.

But hospitalization is, quite literally, building the base for the remainder of one’s recovery. You wouldn’t rush the foundation of a skyscraper, would you?

” It was not a good year after I had been at the back of an ambulance, able to experience the process for the next time (with an increase of salary lost and medical debt accumulated — what I had been trying to avoid).

Give yourself the best opportunity for achievement. Arrive for every group, every semester, every meal, and every activity you possibly can. Follow the recommendations you’re awarded, including follow-up maintenance, to the best of one’s abilities, too.

Be ready to try everything — even the material seems dull or unworthy — once, if not double (just to be certain you have beenn’t only grumpy the very first time because, hey, this happens).

And trust me, your clinicians do not desire one to remain in the hospital no more than you need to be there. There’s no benefit in providing you bed when someone else might need it longer. Trust the process and remember this is temporary.

As with every other health struggle, some times more involved care is necessary. That is a fact of life and never a reason to be embarrassed.

If you end up hesitating as you’re stressed what others may think, I would like to gently remind you that nothing — and I mean nothing at all — is much more crucial than your well-being, especially during a mental health crisis.

[autpunk-blog]

oops, i think i’m autistic

this is a text for people who have just realized, or are beginning to wonder that they might be autistic. i will try to give you some keywords and language to describe and understand your experiences.

this will not be about pursuing a diagnosis or getting external help. these can also be very important steps, but in this text i will only try to shed some light on experiences that are often silenced by the neurotypical mainstream.

autistic burnout

being autistic is as wonderful as it is hard.

the fact that you are just now considering that you might be autistic can mean that you are experiencing what we call autistic burnout. it can occur together with or independent from a classical burnout. autistic burnout often includes the loss of abilities and increased visibility of autistic traits.

the long text “help, i am getting more autistic” explains many things that can lead to showing more autistic traits, like increased outside expectations, stress from other sources, autistic burnout and others.

communication

being autistic means that we struggle with neurotypical communication, both verbal and nonverbal.

we may avoid eye contact, we may not be able to read faces. we may not be able to understand or use facial expressions, body language or tone of voice in the same way neurotypical people do.

many of us use scripts to make communication easier. that means we have specific words or sentences that we say in specific situations. like saying “good morning” to your coworkers, we might have a script for “what to say when people ask me how i am doing” or “how to explain my health problems to doctors” or “how to react when someone is feeling scared”. some of us come up with scripts on their own, others use phrases they have heard or read somewhere else (this is also called echolalia).

we may use autistic body language that is very different from neurotypical body language. we may react very differently to any stimuli. many of us laugh or smile when we are distressed. many of us move rapidly when we are happy. these are just some examples - we are all wonderfully different.

our social interactions are markedly different from non-autistic social interactions. many of us prefer to be direct and honest over hiding our points in words that mean something else. we often use parallel conversations were 2 or more people talk to each other, but everyone is talking about something completely different.

social difficulties

those of us who are usually verbal may experience “going nonverbal”, that means losing the ability to speak for an amount of time. many of us struggle at keeping up conversations, finding the right words in the right time and getting other people to understand us.

many of us have a hard time trying to understand concepts that are important to neurotypicals. this can include problems with understanding abstract words or lacking the ability to understand other people’s intentions.

many of us have prosopagnosia, that means being faceblind, which means we cannot remember and recognize faces.

many of us have alexithymia, that means we cannot identify and name our emotions, even though we feel them very clearly.

our social difficulties often makes us susceptible to manipulation and deception. when we try to understand and mimic social rules, we are not always successful.

sensory experiences

many of us have difficulties with sensory processing. we may get overwhelmed by loud noises or bright lights. touch may be very unpleasant or painful to us. we may have sensory hyper- or hyposensitivities. we might struggle to remember images or sounds. we might have trouble interpreting what we are seeing or hearing, even if we do not have vision or hearing impairments. (another keyword is “auditory processing disorder”.)

we might be very sensitive to taste and smell - or we might need intense tastes and smells to feel comfortable.

many of us experience synaesthesia, that means we associate different senses with each other. numbers may have colours, sounds may have shapes or feelings may have directions.

stimming

many of us crave controlled sensory input. the act of giving ourselves this controlled sensory stimulation is called stimming. stimming can be thousands of activities - it can be rocking, pacing, clapping, fidgeting, chewing, touching or looking at good things, there are acoustic stims, vestibular stims, taste and smell and pressure stims, the possibilities are endless! stimming is wonderful and natural.

thought organization

we seem to have a different kind of thought process than non-autistic people do, but there are huge differences between the ways autistic people think as well! some of us think mostly visually. others cannot think in images at all. some of us think in words or echolalia, others don’t use words in their mind. there’s an amazing variety in the ways our minds work.

many of us have executive dysfunction. it can be hard for us to do even simple tasks. we may have to re-learn the same thing over and over again. we may get overwhelmed by tasks that are too big for us. we may have trouble figuring out the single steps that make up a complex task. we may struggle with initiating tasks or switching tasks.

on the other hand, many of us experience hyperfocus, where we just sink into whatever we are doing, completely forgetting about the outside world for hours on end.

routines

one of the ways we deal with both sensory processing difficulties and executive functioning problems are routines. having routines means doing the same thing in the same way always, it means having a reliable reference and a frame that gives our lives shape.

familiar surroundings and reliable planning are important for many of us. we may plan ahead meticulously. many of us react very strongly to change in routines or plans. having things and surroundings stay the same can be very important for our functioning and wellbeing.

special interests

being autistic often also means having one or more special interests. special interests are things that we get very excited about. we collect information on our special interest, or we have the need to do it as much as possible. it’s more than just a hobby - it’s a special and wonderful hobby. we may have the same special interest for all our lives, or we may have many different special interests, each only lasting a few days. we may find ever new things or come back to old favourites or we might be simply too tired to have a special interest again.

emotions and empathy

some of us do not experience empathy at all, others are hyper-empathic, others experience it only partially. empathy has many different aspects: you can “feel what others feel”, you can try to “put yourself in their shoes” to imagine what you would feel in their situation, you can react to their emotions with your own emotional response. however, all of this requires you to read their emotional state first, which can be very hard for us.

one of the misconceptions about autism is that we are supposedly “emotionless”. the truth is, many of us are extremely sensitive. we can develop ptsd from experiences that others would not even classify as traumatic.

another myth is that we are unable to lie or understand irony and sarcasm at all. while it is true that we often struggle with detecting irony and sarcasm, most of us can still understand the concept and use it.

it is also untrue that we lack “theory of mind”. we are well aware that other people have different thoughts than we do, which is exactly the reason why it is hard for us to guess what other people may be thinking or feeling.

stress reactions

many of us respond to sensory overload, emotional overload, routine changes or other stress factors with shutdowns or meltdowns.

meltdowns are an explosive stress reaction that can range anywhere from “i am upset” to “i am endangering myself and/or others” or “i am destroying objects”. meltdowns can be internalised or externalised.

shutdowns is when we go silent and become very calm. we may freeze or drop on the floor. we may dissociate.

sensory overload, shutdowns and meltdowns can happen several times per day or once every couple of years. severity and frequency can change for any given person over the cause of their life.

there is no one way to be autistic

autism is just the way our brains are wired. we still have unique personalities.

we come in all shapes and sizes, in all genders and sexual orientations, we exist in all races and cultures. we don’t grow out of autism. we are autistic from before we are born and stay autistic for all our lives.

our autistic traits are also influenced by other neurodivergences. personality disorders, ptsd, adhd, ocd, schizophrenia, and everything else can influence the way we experience or display our autism.

it is important to recognize that there is no hierarchy between different “types” of autism. people who were diagnosed in childhood are not generally better or worse off than people who were never diagnosed. we experience different kinds of ableism: dehumanization and dismissiveness.

functioning labels - that is, labelling autistic people as “high functioning” or “low functioning” - harm everyone. they are being used to deny “high functioning” people the help they need and to deny “low functioning” people their independence and humanity.

while it is true that some of us need more support than others, this does not mean we “function” at a different level. this classification is based on ableist notions about what abilities a human being must have in order to be seen as fully human.

autistic people often have very asymmetric skill development. only very few of us have real splinter skills, but many of us are far better in some areas of competence than in others.

if it just so happens that the things we are bad at are the things required for everyday living, we may get labelled “low functioning” - regardless of what we are actually able to do.

autism is not a one dimensional condition. there are hundreds of things we can be very good or very bad at. some of us have intense sensory sensitivities, others have strong social difficulties, yet others cannot cope with the slightest change in their routine. some of us are very musical, others excel at maths and science, yet others prefer to play volleyball.

autistic culture and identity

autistic culture has been existing probably as long as any kind of human culture has, long before the term autism had been invented.

we have always been a part of society. with our contributions we enrich humanity. we are teachers, artists, engineers, nurses, cleaners, designers, professors, bus drivers, activists, politicians, parents, doctors or therapists. capitalism likes to exploit our special skills while at the same time refusing to meet our special needs.

we are friends, we are family members and neighbours, we care and we help and we work in our own ways. not everyone of us can work in a way that is rewarded financially.

while it is true that being autistic can be a severe disability, or that this anti-autistic society can be very disabling for us, many autistic communities are seeking to establish Autistic identity outside of pathologizing medical definitions.

#lhmod #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #long read #autistic culture #autistic identity #resources #functioning labels

[kidkei]

Autistic Dogs: Can Dogs Have Autism?

Getty Images / George Peters

On a couple of event, folks have requested me if my dog is autistic. Charlotte, a former avenue dog, has behavioral particular wants, and I’ve misplaced observe of how many individuals have requested upon assembly her, “Is she ever going to be normal?”

I like to make use of these moments as possibilities to open up dialog about neurodiversity in canines: some expertise trauma and anxiousness and want behavioral administration, and never all canines course of trauma the identical approach. My dog Charlotte has come a great distance. She has psychiatric medicines that assist her with a few of her largest triggers, every day coaching, and behavioral administration that each one work to offer her an enriching, high-quality life.

Though Charlotte’s behavioral challenges are most likely on account of her rising up on the streets, these conversations all the time get me considering, “can canines be autistic?” The knowledgeable opinion is…possibly.

Does Autism Exist in Dogs?

Dr. Valli Parthasarathy, PhD, DVM, ACVB Resident and co-founder of Synergy Behavior Solutions in Portland, Oregon,explains that presently autism just isn’t a behavioral situation acknowledged in canines. This is partly as a result of there has not but been sufficient analysis into the everyday and atypical habits in canines for that sort of prognosis to be given.

Dr. Parthasarathy went on to clarify that sooner or later this may increasingly change, and there’s a risk we may see diagnoses of autism in canines. “As we are learning more about the complexities of canine neurology, behavior and neurodiversity, the more information there is to help dogs. As we learn more, we may be able to start more finely characterizing different behavioral disorders. We may find that autism is a condition in dogs as it is in people.”

Research on Autism in Dogs

Although autism just isn’t presently one thing canines can obtain a prognosis for, there’s analysis being completed into autism-like behaviors in canines.

Dr. Parthasarathy explains, “According to the Mayo Clinic website, children with autism have two key characteristics: difficulty with social interactions and communication, and repetitive behaviors.”

Studies have noticed comparable habits in canines. “For example, recently Tufts Veterinary Behaviorist Nick Dodman presented a study in which he assessed the behavior of 132 English Bull Terriers and found patterns of repetitive behavior (tail chasing), trancelike behavior, and episodic aggression similar to what can be seen in autistic children,” continues Dr. Parthasarathy.

Getty IMages / Alona Rjabceva

Is Your Dog Autistic?

If you could have questioned in case your dog is likely to be autistic, you aren’t alone. Quite a lot of behavioral challenges exhibited by canines could also be interpreted by their guardians as a type of autism. Dr. Parthasarathy explains, “When my clients ask me about whether their dogs are autistic, they are often referring to dogs that are not responsive to doing what they ask, and dogs that appear to become overstimulated in new environments, are performing repetitive behaviors or may be aggressive.”

A medical situation is all the time a potential underlier when canines expertise extreme behavioral points like aggression or obsessive licking. Canine compulsive dysfunction is one other potential rationalization to your dog’s challenges. At one time, canines who exhibited repetitive, compulsive habits have been thought to have obsessive-compulsive dysfunction (OCD), however specialists within the animal habits group have since recognized the situation in canines to be distinctly separate from that present in folks.

Again, autism just isn’t but a prognosis that may be given to canines. Autism-like signs similar to repetitive habits or episodic aggression might be very difficult for dog guardians to grasp and safely handle within the house, and it could be tempting to place the autism label on a dog if it suits. But Dr. Parthasarathy explains {that a} detailed historical past of the dog is important for professionals to give you a prognosis. “Many of my patients who present to me with these signs have underlying generalized anxiety that needs to be addressed,” she says.

Dogs who’ve anxiousness issues could exhibit signs that their homeowners interpret as autism and diagnose themselves. But in actuality, “anxiety in general can affect a dog’s ability to learn, problem-solve, retain and recall information,” describes Dr. Parthasarathy.

What to Do if Your Dog Shows Signs of Autism

If you assume that your dog is likely to be autistic, or in case your dog is displaying behaviors that appear to be the results of an autism-like situation, it’s a good suggestion to make an appointment together with your main care veterinarian. Dr. Parthasarathy explains that many situations associated to orthopedic, neurologic, gastrointestinal and dermatological points can lead to canines being unresponsive to cues, or exhibiting trance-like, extreme sensitivity or repetitive behaviors.

If your veterinarian guidelines out any bodily situations, they might refer you to a veterinary habits diplomate or resident for prognosis and remedy. “Treatment for these behavioral conditions can be complex and may involve the use of behavioral medications as well as a comprehensive management and behavior modification plan,” explains Dr. Parthasarathy.

Getty Images / Hartmut Kosig

There are fewer than 100 behavioral diplomats or residents within the United States, so this isn’t an choice out there to all dog homeowners relying on the place you reside. Many canine habits specialists are ready and keen to seek the advice of with main proactive veterinarians to help particular person sufferers, nonetheless.

Dr. Parthasarathy additionally suggested it’s a good suggestion to start working with a optimistic reinforcement, reward-based coach. Find a coach who has expertise working with canines who’ve behavioral issues; coach needs to be a part of the remedy crew for any dog who could also be exhibiting autism-like behaviors. Correcting or punishing undesirable behaviors in canines with extreme behavioral issues can truly make the issue worse or trigger different new drawback behaviors to come up.

There aren’t any quick solutions for working with canines who’ve what is likely to be thought of autism-like behaviors. Dr. Parthasarathy cautions that, “dogs with behavioral disorders are not trying to be ‘stubborn’, ‘dominant’, or trying to ‘get away’ with things. People who live with these dogs are generally doing the best that they can. Having compassion for dogs with problem behavior, as well as their people, is an important step towards helping them.”

If you assume your dog is likely to be autistic, an important factor is to like your dog, and decide to discovering skilled help to fulfill your dog the place they’re at this stage of their improvement. Be light together with your dog and your self. Just like we’re getting higher at accepting neurodiversity in folks, I hope that as a society we’ll develop to grasp that not all canines expertise and react to the world in the identical methods.

Sassafras Lowreyis an award-winning writer and Certified Trick Dog Instructor. Sassafras’ forthcoming books embody: Tricks IN THE CITY: For Daring Dogs and the Humans That Love Them, Healing/Heeling, and Bedtime Stories for Rescue Dogs: William To The Rescue. Learn extra at www.SassafrasLowrey.com.

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[agentmothman18]

Hell on Earth

So this is a story I started a while back. It was supposed to be like a creepypasta au but I went against it. I’ll only post the first chapter because I’ve only made 9 and I don’t even know how well this will do-

Chapter 1

   You're going to die.

   The end is near.

   The boy tugged on his long sleeve, ignoring the voices in his head. He had taken his medicine like he was supposed to but as always, it never worked. The voices still rung in his ears and his eyes still played tricks on him. By now, the people at his school were used to it. The sudden out bursts that had him leave the room, jumping at every noise, and avoiding everyone like they had the plague.

   There was really nothing Timothy's doctors could do. Having practically grown up in a mental institute, they've tried every known medicine. The medicine he had now was the only one that showed promising affects, although some days it was like taking a placebo.

   Timothy jumped at the bell but was still the first one walking through the doors. He hated being late, almost as much as he hated being alone. Though, by now he should be used to being alone. His mother always working with some government science stuff, two sisters dead, and the third one always at a friends house. He was almost always alone, subtracting the 40 hours wasted around hundreds of kids. Even in a room full of people he was completely and utterly alone in this world.

   You'll be the first to go!

   Death by the undead!

   Do us all a favor and end your miserable life so they don't have too.

Like usual, Timothy tried blocking out the voices. He tried focusing on his Human Anatomy and Physiology teacher as she went on about the muscles. Having already read the whole chapter, Timothy was the only one answering the teachers questions. Occasionally referring to things later in the chapters. Sure he was lacking a few hours of sleep and his medicine didn't help him much, but he wouldn't let that stop him from getting good grades. He liked being smarter than the others, something he had that they didn't.

   Timothy had more going for him than just his brain. He recently got his black belt in martial arts, strength he refused to use on anyone. The boy had bullies and even if they broke his bones or not he wouldn't fight back. Hurting others to help himself wasn't his thing, he did stick up for others though. Which usually ended in him getting beaten later, but he didn't care.

   Before Timothy went to answer another question, he registered what one of the voices had said. 'Death by the undead.' Usually he would ignore them, throwing everything they said to the side. But this was the same voice that had practically told him his sister was going to kill herself. For him, having the voices were normal, but having one that could tell the future seemed ludicrous. But then again, stranger things have happened to him in his seventeen and a half year life span.

   "Timothy? Do you not know the answer?" The teacher's voice startled him out of his thoughts. Laughing and snickering filled his ears, an embarrassed blush creeping up his cheeks. The boy had been so lost in thought he missed the question. The laughter shouldn't have bothered him much, and it didn't, it was the few comments whispered around the room.

   'Maybe he's gone stupid.'

   'I bet whatever medicine he takes wore off.'

   'Not as smart as he thinks.'

   "Um.. N-No.." He stuttered out, staring at his paper. To say the teacher was shocked would be an understatement. The only teacher that would not be shocked would be Timothy's Algebra II teacher. He wasn't that great at math but he managed to keep an A in that class nonetheless. Algebra was another reason as to why he couldn't sleep, late nights trying to figure out a three step word problem.

   "Well then." The teacher, Mrs. Davis, cleared her throat and looked at the whispering kids. They quieted down and she shook her head. "Seeing as none of you pay attention, I won't even bother asking." She then continued on with her lecture, relieved when Timothy started answering or butting in with facts he's read about in the book. To have the boy not answering questions or practically helping her lecture was like the end of her world. She enjoyed Timothy's intelligence and honestly thought he should have graduated early like his mother had.

   It seemed like no time had passed before it was lunch time. The good thing about that though was that he only had two classes left. Two hours of construction and almost one hour of algebra. Timothy entered the lunch room, looking for the two people he actually could call friends in the hell hole. Daniel and Sidnee, some of the weirdest kids in school.

   "Tell me it's not so!" Sidnee exclaimed as soon as Timothy had sat down. He could kind of guess what she was asking, and it had to do with this morning. "Tell me my little genius hasn't lost his marbles." She begged, looking at him with pleading eyes. At times, Timothy didn't know who was craziest out of the three of them. Sidnee with her crazy need to know everything and I mean everything, Daniel with his 'Lunar' side, or Timothy with his voices and hallucinations. It was probably a tie between them all.

   "I just wasn't paying attention." Was his short and quiet response, the embarrassment still pretty evident. Sidnee sighed in relief and completely changed the topic to his mother. Getting to work graveyard shifts in the research government facility that his mother works at, Sidnee was able to tell him when his mother would be home.

   "Oh! Call me later tonight, I need to talk to you about something." Sidnee told him while quickly standing up. She had chemistry this period and loved to be the first one there. Which always left Daniel and him to walk to the Vo-tech together. Sidnee took her leave and Daniel stood up, neither him nor Timothy ate school lunches.

   "How's the medicine?" The smaller male started the conversation first, like always. If he didn't then it would be quiet on their walk together.

   "Unhelpful and useless. Did they ever write a higher script for you?" Timothy questioned, glancing towards his friend. They both took medicine, different medicine but they both took medicine. Daniel's was focused more on depression and anxiety while Timothy's focused more so on his schizophrenia and paranoia. They both probably had more problems but the doctors haven't diagnosed them yet.

   "Of course not. The lazy bastards think what I have now is enough and that I only want more because I like drugs." He shook his head. It seemed as if doctors gave those that didn't need medicine, medicine, and those who need it, none. As messed up as it was, that's just how it is. The world is and will always be messed up.

   "Maybe when that 'Lunar' side of yours actually hurts someone then they'll realize you need it." The shorter male shrugged, he has hurt someone before and they still did nothing. To be correct, he's almost killed his ex and Sidnee because of that side of his. It was pretty much a split personality of a crazier Daniel. One that wouldn't hesitate to kill his close friends or family members. That side hardly came out, aside from the sudden comments at random times.

   "I don't mind him, I just don't want him hurting Sidnee again, my mother, or you. That's really the only reason to take medicine." Daniel explained and watched the only red head in school walk past them. He had a fascination for redheads just like Sidnee had a fascination with blonds and Timothy with guys taller than him. None of them would admit to their little types but it was obvious amongst them.

   "Yeah. Well I need to head to class, I'll see you tomorrow." They parted ways, Daniel heading to health and Timothy to construction. He would have been great in this class if it wasn't for the voices, hallucinations, and his OCD. It was mostly his OCD that got in the way though. If it wasn't perfect then he would continue until it was or until he had to give up because it wouldn't fix. It was also his OCD that kept his room and whole house clean, and a few of his teachers desks clean. If something wasn't tidy looking then it would kill him until it was fixed.

   As usual, construction seemed to pass by in a flash. Sometimes he wished that the other classes passed this quickly but wishing for something never worked. And the more you want something the less likely it was to happen, that's just how life worked.

   When the final bell rang, everyone bolted for the door. It was like they couldn't leave fast enough, which they couldn't. There was always one or two groups of kids that walked slow. Whether they did it on purpose or not, it still pissed a few people off. 

   Timothy walked to and from school. He wasn't allowed to drive because he was a danger to everyone and he refused to ride a bus. It was something about them that he hated and will forever hate. He didn't mind walking either, it was only a seven minute walk so it was nothing to him. On some days he would even run home, just because he felt he was being watched. But, whether he runs or walks, he's always happy to be home where he felt somewhat safe.

#apocalypse #story #zombies #lgbtq friendly #lgbtq

[ana-motion-nua-ba2a]

08/02/2019

My individual tutorial with Lynsey was on Monday, for which I did actually have a completed draft of my script. Most of the discussion centred on the character of Gwen - Lynsey felt that she was discordant, compared to the tone/ideas of the rest of the story, being a very literal element in a story where I’d been using magical realism. I agree in a purely critical sense, but I do worry about how easy it will be to edit her out. I think I might struggle to come up with any alternative ideas in the timeframe, since I have so much of my stop motion puppet still to do - and Lynsey did agree that it’d be acceptable to hand my script in pretty much as-is. 

Moreover, Gwen is tied to two important aspects of my story, and I put her in there in the first place so that I could represent parts of my own struggle with mental illness, as I’ve outlined in a separate post. On top of the taboo homosexuality angle, Florence’s reaction to Gwen is also a depiction of my reluctance to let anyone else find out about the intrusive thoughts I was experiencing while I dealt with my OCD. So, on a personal level, I think Gwen might be harder to get rid of than if I was looking at this from a more objective standpoint. I know authors are supposed to get used to killing their darlings, but this project is supposed to be a response to Jekyll and Hyde, and if I left out these elements of my response to reading the book then I wouldn’t actually be truthful about how I interpreted it. 

Most of the rest of the week has been taken up by model making - realistically, I don’t think I’ll have my puppet finished by Tuesday’s filming slot, so my aim now is to at least get it to a decently mobile state and run some motion tests, as I’ve booked another session the following Monday to be my final filming. 

On Friday, we had our final lip sync workshop. The feedback from my tutors overall now seems to be that the subtle, semi-realistic approach is working, and that I should focus on deriving humour from it by keeping to that style of animation. I’d originally intended to have my reacting character be annoyed at the speaker, as everyone else in my acting reference group had narratives where the listener was fascinated - but Kris told me that actually, most people are doing irritated reactions, and that something in the way I’d set up my listener’s face made them look intrigued already. We then discussed how to make the piece seem funny by keeping it genuine, rather than pushing poses all over the place for exaggerated comedy. After that discussion, I’m now revising the way I planned to animate my second character - I won’t have time to sketch out concrete plans, but I’ll be keeping it in mind when I’m next in the media lab. 

#weekly summaries