pisces/virgo placements... it's about time you took care of yourself, too, ok?
you burn yourselves out allowing yourself to be pulled by so many people in all different directions. you exhaust all your resources and empty your cup - no, your entire well - to help those around you, even people you don't know. it's such a beautiful thing, and i know you genuinely love helping others, supporting people, seeing them thrive. it's such a beautiful trait! but you constantly end up neglecting yourself, right? you don't realize that you have permission to set aside time to care for you, to cater to your needs for once. you often feel like no one puts a drop in your cup, the favor is never returned - it's exhausting; you might think if you just keep giving your all it will come back; i understand. you will find the people that give the same energy back to you one day, but regardless of whether you've found those people yet, you need to learn to step aside and fill your own cup!
setting boundaries and saying no is the most important thing you will learn to do in this lifetime. it will not be easy for you, sometimes it will feel painful. but you cannot help the world if you're constantly drained and tired! you deserve to take care of yourself in the same way you do for others. be gentle to your kind soul, nourish yourself; do the things you love to do. learn to worry about others less, as hard as it is, and focus on yourself more.
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VERY RAMBLY BUT I think rose and martha are like the inverse of one another in terms of narrative, in that they both meet a doctor who is deeply deeply hurt, but the doctor interacts with them about it so differently, because of where they're at with that hurt, and the doctor is like "hey, I'm suave and vulnerable beneath the surface, which is quite attractive, want to travel in space and time in my whimsical timeship?" and they both go "oh heck yes!" and then it's like splintered glass from that point on, like martha lives in a funhouse mirror of rose's story -- up until she makes it her own of course and she does call the doctor out on it relatively early on, although rose continues to have that haunting effect
so rose has this bubble created around her that is perfect and unchangeable almost, in which nothing bad can ever happen (except for all the times it does but huuush, we'll be together forever forrealsies don't look at that big ol hurricane hurtling our way), which then inevitably bursts, but is always there-as-memory, because rose becomes something of an impossible ideal to some extent
and martha isn't protected at all, and has all the badness spilling out on her because the doctor is unable to contain any of it (and maybe is relieved to finally give up on being strong), and subsequently all of the promise of wonder has an air of sourness to it, and the doctor will always feel incredibly guilty about how it all ended
but crucially there's a lot they have in common, that is quite different to, say, donna (who is woven in in her own, interesting, way) -- they both become attracted to this powerful, interesting, and suuuper traumatised being, they're both taken along on a journey of promised wonders, they're both incredibly reliable to the point that the narrative is retroactively fitted around how much the doctor's belief-systems revolve around belief in their companions, with many others from the past given their dues (starting with sarah-jane), and they both do see wonders beyond their comprehension (and so does donna, but again, there's something a bit different there to poke at in another post...),
except where for rose this wonder helps her break out of the path that was set down for her and become who she always had the potential to be in a way that is mostly framed as a positive (although with some -- I think -- under-analysed caveats...) and she will be forever thankful for the doctor arriving in her life, martha's is more like an awe that the universe is so hostile and so lonely and so heartbreaking, and so she needs to become more resilient and more ready to make choices that are terrible (from travelling the broken world for a year to the osterhagen key....), and so there's another story about someone who becomes strong and tough (just like rose) but it's because the doctor wasn't really able to be there for her, and while I don't think the show (from memory) ever has her totally regretting the doctor dropping into her life, there for sure is some solemnity to how her story ends, a bit of a dampener in comparison (even tbh in comparison to donna, who yeah, gets her memory taken, but is suggested -- now confirmed perhaps? -- to get more of her life in order/feel more self-confident, also partially because of that subliminal influence of her time with the doctor)
and this isn't to say that it's all-bad for martha! her working for UNIT and Torchwood has a lot of very interesting facets to it, and she is fulfilling her potential to be this impressive, capable person, but the ways all of this was built up to is so heartrending
rose coming in and "saving" the doctor, except it was a bit of a lie, because the second she wasn't there they crashed even harder than before, and martha coming in with the idea that she could save the doctor and walking away when realising what it was doing to her life, and both rose and martha irrevocably changed to the point that the person pre-doctor is barely recognisable in them anymore, both take on the doctor's self-sacrificial traits...
and also the idea that rose gets the fantasy, but it's the fantasy a-bit-to-the-left (funhouse again) because there's always something a bit disconcerting about the lengths the doctor goes to to maintain the bubble, to the point of offering up the alternate-him/tentoo so that she can still have it, even though the actual physical doctor that shared it with her isn't actually there! and martha gets the glimpse of the fantasy, and then has to come to terms with the fact that she's not the person it's "for" and reassess her relationship to the idea of a fantasy in the first place (it helps that martha is an incredibly practical, pragmatic person, but it's still so... ouch)
I don't think it was intentional, but this also fascinating from the perspective of rose as a white woman and martha as a black woman -- who is the fantasy for, to the extent that strange and universe-breaking events go into maintaining it, and who has to be practical and pragmatic and self-reliant?
and also, it's got more tragedy in both cases -- rose as a spectre/haunter of the narrative is always a little bit intangible when she's looked back on (even though in the story she's in she's incredibly real and well-rounded, every time I go back to s1 I am struck by how grounded she is in reality), and I think that's something interesting in terms of her mother's warning in s2, how if she travels with the doctor "forever" she'll become something else, something not her
and martha's mother warns her as well, although she's not completely sure of what, and in contrast to rose this warning comes into very painful fruition, harming her entire family (except, maybe her brother? I wonder if there's anything written about that), but where rose is so omnipresent, martha tries several times to take herself out
(also something about both of their mothers being their anchor-points)
there's something there that's at the centre of both rose's and martha's arcs:
is the change they're going through because of the doctor... good? good for them? good for their families? good as in they're becoming better people than before? good for the world they inhabit? is it good for the person they used to be? did they become better than that person? can they ever truly deal with or even begin to comprehend how these events made them who they are? can they even connect who they are now to who they were then? was this good?
they both become these larger-than-life people, somewhat without noticing on both parts (but the narrative does notice), one of them a ghost, and the other a soldier -- one of them an increasingly intangible, ever-present idea, and the other someone who has to fight every step of the way
it's just a bunch of things I've had going through my head that I can't quite formulate in coherent essay-like sentences, but for sure it's there
opposite sides of the coin, rose tyler and martha jones
I do wish they'd had space in the story for them to talk
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Just woke up and I'm thinking about this AU I've been tossing in my brain for over a year now thanks to a Maid Cafe AU prompt over @priapus-at-the-gate. This isn't really a proper maid cafe fic though, like Armand's working there but he uses it as a way to meet clients for fetish work.
I had the idea to structure it as a one-shot with five different sections, one section per client. So there's Marius on Mondays, Santino on Tuesdays, Lestat on Wednesdays, Louis on Thursdays, and Daniel on Fridays. And I wanted each guy to correspond to a couple specific kinks!
Marius: I don't know if Marius and Armand ever actually leave the cafe but Marius comes in every Monday and all he wants is a private room where he can perch Armand on his knee in that skimpy maid outfit and order the entire sweets menu and two jugs of milk and feed him like a child until his stomach is protruding and sloshing. Not sure whether or not they fuck (uncomfortably - for Armand) afterwards. Armand views this as feederism but to Marius it's caretaking, perhaps even age play--the verdict is still out.
Santino: I'm going to have to consult with the Santino girlies (gnc) on this one but I'm thinking something to with flagellation and sensory deprivation. Maybe even breath play. But I can't decide if I want Santino doing to Armand or Armand doing it to Santino.
Lestat: Lestat's the young, bratty, famous rockstar who walked into the cafe one day and without even knowing whether or not Armand was inclined to do fetish work, offered Armand an obscene amount of money to step on him and degrade him, amongst other stuff. There will also be crying and mommy kink. Maybe Lestat will cry for his mommy, idk yet.
Louis: Louis is a bit of an echo of Santino's deprivation kink but he's nowhere near as extreme. Louis prefers to edge himself and he'll never remove his clothes or let himself cum or even be touched, but he's one of two of the clients Armand would trust in his home, and Louis pays a pretty price to spend the day as a silent, passive observer in Armand's apartment. Watching him clean, see a movie, cook, shower, masturbate, and sleep. Never interacting with him or saying a word aside from a warm 'Hello' and 'Thank you, see you next week.'
Daniel: I wanna open with Daniel as being the guy who pays Armand to spend the day with him and pretend to be his boyfriend aka The Boyfriend Experience™️! They go on dates, they cuddle, they play video games, Armand meets Daniel's mom, they fuck, etc. BUT THEN at the end it's revealed that Daniel really is Armand's boyfriend. Sometimes he even fucks him in front of Louis.
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Skelefam
Unfortunately, as much as I love this mod - I mean, it’s beautiful! Just look at it! - it does have a game-crashing bug D: For some reason skeletons can’t get jobs, it crashes the game lol, so as much as I’d love to have Gaster in the Science career, he is a stay-at-home parent! That’s fine, nannies suck in TS2 lol. There’s also only a few clothing options but I’m gonna try some poking around to at least expand upon what’s there already :D
I ended up using the stretchSkeleton cheat - hehe, skeleton - to make Papyrus a bit taller and Sans a bit smaller. It’s only really noticeable in their ankles, and their animations are a bit misaligned, but other than that it’s very cute! :D Sans is also chubby but it’s kinda hard to tell :0
Sans, stop breaking the fourth wall!
Look how little he is compared to his brother hehe
Also, and I did not edit or plan this - they naturally started falling into their relationship dynamics! Gaster and Sans have a much lower Short Term Relationship here than Gaster and Papyrus haha
Would that I could! I was still testing at this point and yup, it crashed. Sadge
Well even if I can’t get the jobs, I can still cheat-unlock the Career Awards! Scientist behaviour lol
Look at their delicate little haaands
Did you know that Gaster sucks? He does!
Oh what are skeletons not your type? Don’t be rude
Sans even rejected him when Gaster offered to dance together! I love them
Gaster’s POV - he was listening to Sans tell a joke and next in the queue Papyrus wanted to show off to him. So accurate haha
Papyrus’ POV, of course he’s friends with both of them, sweet boy
And Sans’, look at how much more he thinks of his brother over Gaster! What more could I ask for honestly
Only concerned with Gaster seeing lol, Papyrus is way closer! He doesn’t count haha
Racecar bed babyyyy
Retextured the outfit for Papyrus, so now they’re much easier to tell apart! :D
Crossover babies ♪ One of the Todds walked by and I just now realized I also gave them a red/blue twin aesthetic haha
And that’s all he’ll want and care about from now on :)
Hehe. He gets it!
Papyrus is bad at making friends! Sans there in the background passively ++ing with Todd lol, he’s a natural
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