#and it's october and i'm still contract for reasons completely out of me and my managers control | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cynocardia · 5 months

Note

hey, I’m fascinated by Sasha and the way you draw them, do you have any stories or info you want to share about them?

;_; i'm really glad you like them

god um. some of this may still be incomprehensible because it's missing context, they have literally so much lore

they're a contract negotiator for a pharmaceutical company, which they've been an employee of since the 1950s, because the company technically (though it now does its best to not be associated with that) started as an organized crime ring, which sasha worked as a cleaner for because they couldn't... get any other job, other employers just kept turning them away, so when a guy asked them if they wanted to do some janitorial work, they went sure! and then found out "janitorial work" really meant "cleaning up bodies"

the thing is that even after this, they didn't leave, because 1 they were scared 2 they were getting paid, which after being cut off by their legal guardians (something something no help for people with congenital disabilities in adulthood) they needed money for medical supplies, because i don't care that the mitrofanoff procedure didn't exist until the 1980s, i'm trying to make a point

eventually they graduate to enforcer due to "no one else left because their boss keeps killing their coworkers" but they're extremely adverse to it, and after their like kind of father figure i guess gets killed their final straw snaps, this aligns with morgan sniffing around, and when they're sent to quiet him they instead ask him for help because like at their heart sasha doesn't want to hurt people themself and doesn't want people to be hurt by others either, they are fucking literally terrified of themself due to both being a violent child and being treated like they're evil their entire life

anyway they never manage to "take walter down", he gets killed which is what puts an end to the group, and his son forms an actual pharmaceutical company out of its skeleton as an "apology to the public", due to the fact that walter was using a pharmacy he bought from small time business owners as a front. so the company becomes the fucking monster it is now, and sasha still needs the money, so they stay

and after a few years this like... leads to sasha and morgan to start clashing over issues of morality, until sasha gets morgan fired, at which point they split completely, because morgan realizes sasha is just... a corporate lap dog now

...... also that's all just pre story but it's the foundation of their character i guess. one foundation. help

whereas the actual story is just, um, "things get worse and worse relentlessly". idk how to do plot summaries. dr colt has been working on what would be a revolutionary heart medication for years with her team, and marie (... current ceo) freezes it for bullshit reasons, but then the company starts to go bankrupt until she picks dr colt's project back up, which secures a bunch of investors, she promises them they'll get their cut of the deal in another like 10 years, but they're not satisfied with that so she gets dr colt to find a way to speed up the process. dr colt discovers this way is dangerous. really bad things happen

i'm just using them as a device to rant about medical capitalism, though they're just one facet of it

and i was originally actually writing this but i am just... not well enough so i'm choosing alternate means of telling this story

and i do have so many like written scenes because "writing ahead" was one of the ways that helped me figure out like, sequencing, and i have had a comic sketched since october, i just need my like, hand to work

because writing is still one of the ways i want to do this i think, it's not the easiest but it's easier for me than like, comics

if i /had/ the ability to do so and i definitely don't i really do wish i could do an actual webcomic because i /know/ exactly what happens in this story and there isn't any real ending because it's just... i don't like, like stories where they take down the evil corporation especially when i'm trying to make a point, i like, like, just idk people surviving? because that's how it is irl, but

anyway um. yeah

#also um. sasha morgan and sid are all weird like... anomalies with different relationships to mortality #i hate the fda and also johnson&johnson #and the cdc. am i missing anyone #united states of america healthcare system #the government also #i might... post a snip from the original first chapter if my brain lets me make sense #i have been thinking about it because it introduces like #marie sasha dr colt and mr ferrier specifically. also todd i guess #todd is marie's husband he's a stephen king wannabe and he makes both me and sasha want to eat rocks

2 notes · View notes

candle-jill · 2 years

Text

UPDATE What the eff is going on with Hit Me, Baby! and where the eff has candlejill been?

Hello to anyone reading this! Right. So... a lot has been going on. My last update of Hit Me, Baby! was in October. I've had the story nearly finished since then... but... some things have come up which I'm conflicted about, preventing me from posting. One is my lack of time. I had surgery and was recovering most of October and November (things are still a bit tender). The holidays hit and I became incredibly busy. Then my daughter and SO both got covid (they were vaccinated - it was mild and they both recovered but it was pretty stressful). I also started some new meds (holy fuck, Yaz fucked up my shit - but it's chilling out now). Those are the negatives for why I haven't updated because, while HMB! is nearly complete, it needs some thorough editing. Buuuuuut on to the positive, which I'm extremely excited to vaguely announce— A friend of mine and I started a publishing company! 🎉🎊🥳 I'm really excited and nervous! It feels a little premature to mention at this point, but I wanted to address the reason for the radio silence. Though we are officially formed (at least in the eyes of the IRS), we're mostly focusing on behind-the-scenes necessities before fully launching and marketing our company; website building, developing contracts with our authors, figuring out the breakdown for in house editors and artists for covers, making logos — those kinds of things. I've personally been doing some graphic design too. It's all been very exciting and extremely time consuming! So, needless to say, I've been busy. And while I don't intend on being a primary author represented by our company, I am considering the option of repurposing some of my fics into published novels/novellas. Hit Me, Baby!, FMF series, and Physical Education being the main ones since they're the most original. Obviously they would need a complete overhaul (and so—so much editing), but the bones of those stories are mine and I have ideas for strengthening the plots. Because of that, I've been hesitant about publishing the next chapter of Hit Me, Baby! and I feel like a complete dick about it. Everyone has been so supportive. You can't possibly understand how much I appreciate it. I feel like I owe you all so much because of everything you've done for me over the years. But I also know how much time and effort I've put into providing entertainment while simultaneously not receiving (or expecting) financial compensation for it. With the success I've seen others in this industry find transitioning from fanfic to original content, I feel like I owe it to myself to try. On top of that, I'm torn between pulling my all of my AO3 content (and "candlejill" in general) entirely, leaving it on AO3 but abandoning my work to "anonymous," or just leaving it all up. Right now, I'm leaning towards a version of finishing Hit Me, Baby!. Posting the complete story to AO3 for a short time so those of you who have been so supportive (and are somehow still around), aren't left with an unfinished story. After some time I'd probably take it down. I've also debated posting only the next chapter, which isn't the full end of the story, but it is at least more complete than what's up now. How the next chapter is written (and it's a fucking long one), it could be an ending - the final chapter is more of a coda, which I might leave unposted. I don't know. I don't know what to do and that indecision has paralyzed me into doing nothing and I'm sorry for that. But, anyway, that's what I've been up to these days! I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying spring (if you're on the side of the world finally breaking out of winter).

#personal #me #update

9 notes · View notes

averykedavra · 3 years

Note

"He hasn't cared to share that with us" your point is right, but that phrase is literally just such a common excuse for cancel culture and you could have explained your point better. For all we know a video about it is coming and still being prepared since it's a really serious thing, and stuff like that already happened. I'm already thinking for example of projared, who was completely destroyed on the internet for not apologizing for what people thought he did that he was canceled, while he was taking the time to seriously respond to accusations. Just...people need time to reply about stuff this serious, that's really not the excuse to use when theres proof and shit y'know?

Okay, I hear your point, and I get where you’re coming from. It is true that we wouldn’t want him to dash off an apology in three seconds. This is definitely a serious subject that should be discussed with seriousness. And I don’t think you’re entirely wrong to raise this point.

However. I’m going to give you a timeline. The Storytime video was posted on October 24th. Prince Alex’s video was posted on December 12th. He had held off on posting it, partly because of the contract, and partly through anxiety about the whole situation. That’s already a gap of more than a month. And during this time, animators were reaching out to Thomas and Co, and getting no response.

The information began to spread around December 16th. The @storytimediscourse blog was formed on December 17th. This was five days past Alex’s video. Since then, Thomas and Co have communicated with the animators, and the animators received an explanation about the low pay. A week ago, Prince Alex made his video public again, saying that explanations had been given but there was no public apology.

It is currently February 4th. It has been almost two months since Prince Alex’s video. It has been more than three months since the original video.

Yes, maybe Thomas is making a long, extended video about the subject. Maybe the editing situation has held him up. I suppose it’s reasonable to speculate. First of all, I’m not sure I’d like that--such an “apology video” could easily go downhill. I definitely wouldn’t prefer a long-winded video like that. But that’s irrelevant.

The real point is that we’ve seen no evidence of that occurring. Thomas has not mentioned filming such a video. He’s been occupied with Patreon livestreams, the editing issue, and other things--which doesn’t mean he’s too busy to remember, and that we should leave him alone, just that it’s doubtful he’s squeezing in another project on the side.

Furthermore, if he is doing that, that’s still wrong. I’m not trying to make a blanket statement about every situation, but in this case, he needs to handle it better. A long video is fine, I suppose, but it shouldn’t be the first acknowledgment of this in two months. He hasn’t even tweeted about it. He hasn’t apologized to the animators directly. He hasn’t done anything.

Maybe Thomas and Co need time. But this has been a lot of time with no results. How long do you think it takes to make a small video? How long does it take to contact a team of animators? How long does it take to write an apology statement, even a short one, and admit to his mistakes?

All he needs to say is I’m sorry. Look, I’ll even write him a little apology, if he wants to copy-paste it: “Thank you for speaking out about the animator abuse that occurred. I deeply apologize for myself and on behalf of my team. Our budget issues were not an excuse for the way we treated the animators, and we will endeavor to compensate them and apologize to them directly. We will learn from this, and thank you for holding us accountable. A longer video is forthcoming.”

That took me two minutes to write. And it’s probably not the best apology, especially if it’s not backed up by any real change, but it’s a start. And I wrote it in two minutes. And Thomas has an entire team.

“He hasn’t apologized yet” can be an excuse for cancel culture, I’ll give you that. But it’s been two months. It’s been silent. Animators are still left without answers, support, or acknowledgment. We’ve given him time. We’ve gotten nothing. And if we continue to wait, instead of pushing him into action, we’re gonna end up with nothing.

Some of the animators were forced to finish the project in two weeks. If inexperienced animators can finish their work in less than two weeks, Thomas can write an apology in less than two months.

#sanders sides #madlibs animators #fandom problems #thomas sanders #long post #asks and answers #anon #look i get where you're coming from #but it's been a while my dude #it has been a good long while

86 notes · View notes

pantstomatch · 3 years

Note

I love your writing, and (the cliche, it burns) one day I'd like to publish too. But a lot of things have changed since the last time I was confident in trying to do this, and I wondered if you would talk about the process (getting an agent, that sort of thing) if you're comfortable and have the time. It's also cool if you privately respond, if you'd prefer, I'm just trying to figure out how to get started again? And so many tips are "publish on Amazon!"

Thank you!!!! Okay, so here’s the thing. I’m probably not the best person to ask about this, because I’m actually really bad at being published, but I can tell you some stuff that I’ve learned? That might be helpful? I ended up being long-winded, so (if tumblr works right here) everything is under the cut...

1. Querying!

So in general, querying sucks balls. Like… it’s probably the worst thing you’ll ever have to do. You’re gonna want to research what agents are looking for the kind of stuff you want to write or have written. Some are looking for certain genres or what they think is marketable, and you want to send your query to someone who’s open to what you have, or it’s a waste. Most likely the agency website or the agents “I’m looking for…” page or whatever will give you specific instructions on what to include in your query email - how the subject should be written, what they’re looking for, how many pages of your manuscript they want to see, how to attach it to the email and in what form, and if they want a synopsis of your novel. Some agents use Query Manager, which is basically a form you fill out and attach all the things they want, and you can go back in and edit it and it’s a nice way to keep track of your query. Next, they’re gonna (hopefully; some just never respond) either say no thank you very politely, or ask you for the full manuscript. Most of these agents will also give you a general timeline for a response, and if they’re open to a nudge from you or not. After that, they’ll either say no to the full manuscript, or welcome you aboard!

Most places allow you to send multiple queries out for the same work, meaning they’re not “exclusive,” except within their own agency. If they ask for a full manuscript, but before they get back to you, another agent has snapped you up, they’ll want you to let them know so they don’t waste their time on it. Occasionally, if they want to see your full manuscript, they’ll ask for you to not send the full manuscript to someone else until they’re done, or for you to tell them if someone else is looking at the full manuscript. You can also change your mind! You can email them and let them know you’ve decided to pull the novel out of consideration, maybe if you think it needs more editing.

I have never successfully queried. I found the whole thing demoralizing, and I did my first contract on my own, without an agent. This is something I don’t recommend because I had to figure out a lot of confusing shit on my own that I still don’t fully understand. And it also made me doubt my writing after the fact, because agents don’t give a shit if you’re already published, they’re focused solely on whatever you’re presenting them with. And then after that, I figured if I got another book out of my current editor, would I want to present that to the people who already didn’t like my writing? I have an agent for another project I’m working on, and the only reason I have her is because someone introduced us and told her I desperately needed help.

1a. So you found the agent(s) you think you like!

Other than the instructions/guidelines written out by the agency/agents that you’re interested in, you’re gonna need the most complete and fully edited version of your novel in hand. If they ask for your full manuscript, you absolutely should not say it’s not done. Make sure it’s finished, and preferably edited, before you send your query in. If they ask for a synopsis, hard pass. Ha ha ha, just kidding. No, really, arguably, this is going to be the hardest thing to write. A synopsis will suck your soul out of your body and make you weep blood. The only thing worse than querying is writing a synopsis for that query. I have never written a synopsis that I didn’t think was utter shit. I hate them.

Querytracker is a cool place to look up agents that you want to query and see how responsive (and nice) they are. It took me a little bit to figure out the abbreviations, though.

2. Pick your genre carefully

Unless you are a best selling author, they are never ever ever going to let you change genres. I mean, maybe if you wrote under a different name. Maybe. But they’ve bought your book based on how they think it will sell, and they’re going to want to sell you, too, and genre jumping is usually a no-go. This is, basically, one of the biggest things I hate, and one of the greatest things I love about fanfiction, that I can write whatever the fuck I feel like writing. So, you know, make sure you really really really want to write about what your first book is going to be about, because you’re going to be writing about that forever. And I don’t mean just YA vs New Adult vs Adult, although you need to take that into account too. I mean if you’re writing about high school regular kids, you probably can’t write about supernatural high school kids. You can’t write about high school kids in space. You can only write about regular high school kids. So.. think sci -fi vs fantasy vs historical vs contemporary, etc.

3. I hope you don’t hate people!

Do you want to go to a bookstore and talk in front of a crowd? Do you want to go to cons and network with other authors? Do you want to call up publications and volunteer for interviews? Do you want to talk about your books with strangers? Because I sure don’t. Publishing houses do the bare minimum of publicity for you for your book. First book, they’ll probably help set up some store signings. Going forward, if you weren’t proactive the first time around, they’re probably not going to do anything. If you’ve got some really good advance reviews, they’ll do ads. They’ll probably do the rote social media posts. But basically, you’re going to have to advocate for your book. You’re going to have to create your own brand. You’re going to have to make swag and send it out, call up bookstores, post constantly about it on twitter, buddy up to other authors, go places where you can network. And I will tell you that all of that is my nightmare. I don’t want to do any of that. I don’t like meeting new people. I had several panic attacks leading up my book signing, and the book signing itself was pretty bad. I’m just… not good with people. And, honestly, at my age, I don’t want to be any better. All it does is give me stress and hives, and to get over that I’d really really have to want to do it.

4. Personal perks?

Editors! I’ve worked with two awesome editors, and it’s amazing having someone to tell you how to fix things in a way that makes sense. By far, one of the only perks of being published for me. I absolutely don’t know for sure, but I always got the feeling that they expected more push back from me with their suggestions, but nope. I was open to everything, and that’s probably why the books worked so well, because editors absolutely know what they’re doing and only want what’s best for the book.

Holding a solid book of my work! Always awesome to hold that first book in your hands, with the beautiful cover work and everything. The fact that other people can read it and know it was me who wrote those words only counters that by about a half.

Money! Advances vary drastically, but, listen, the money kind of made the panic attacks worth it. A little.

5. Advances and royalties

The things I’ve read about advances is that too little, and you might think they have less confidence in you, and too much and you’re panicking about selling, because if you don’t earn out your advance, there’s a chance they won’t want to invest in you in the future. Generally, the way they work is they offer you a contract with the amount they are willing to “advance” you. This is basically saying, we think this book will give us this amount of money, and this is your share of that amount of money. You earn this out with royalties. When you sign the contract, you will get a certain amount of money, usually half of your offered advance. When you deliver the finished manuscript, after your editor and you have gone over it and it’s been approved, you’ll get the other half. A two book deal would be split into 4 parts, and you’d get the first 2 parts for signing the contract (1/4th for each book), the next part for the first finished manuscript, and then the last part for the second finished manuscript, generally after the first book is already published. After that, you won’t see any money until your royalties reach the amount they already paid you in advance. Unless otherwise negotiated, you’d get a royalty check twice a year. Your earnings from January to July would be sent to you in October, and your earnings for July to December would be sent to you in April. Since any books sold to bookstores and online stores can be returned to the publisher if unsold, they will usually “hold back” a certain amount at first, to make sure you’re really earning that royalty. Royalty statements themselves are a hot mess and I’ve never been able to read them, which is also a good reason to have an agent. An agent will get your money sent to them, make sure it’s the correct amount, take their cut, and then send you a check from them.

6. Self publishing

Okay, I know nothing about self publishing, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it if you have the right support system (ie editors). If you’re going to have to do a lot of the marketing yourself anyway, I don’t see how this is much different. Biggest thing would be the upfront cost, and making sure you make that cost worth it. Independent author S Usher Evans has some good advice for self publishing - Sush’s worked very hard at it, and started her own publishing company. Also, @qwanderer might be a good resource, I think they use Lulu, which is a really cool self publishing site.

Uhhhh, so that’s a lot of info and also not a lot of info, so please feel free to ask me anything else, and I really hope I haven’t made this harder for you to get started ha ha ha. I think the best thing to do is to figure out what you want to write and write it and just… go from there. If you really love what you have, someone else is going to love it, too.

And if anyone’s had a different experience or thinks I got something wrong or has more/better advice for @heyninja, let me know!

#heyninja #replies #publishing advice #my two cents #writing

18 notes · View notes

swanlake1998 · 3 years

Text

Pointe Magazine Article: Chloé Lopes Gomes Speaks Out About Racial Harassment at Staatsballett Berlin

By: Chloé Lopes Gomes As Told To Laura Cappelle

Date: December 1, 2020

(tw: racism, anti black racism, abuse)

In November, the French dancer Chloé Lopes Gomes went public with accusations of institutional racism against Staatsballett Berlin, first reported by the German magazine Der Spiegel. In the article, several anonymous dancers confirm her account. Lopes Gomes, 29, who trained in Marseille and at the Bolshoi Ballet Academy, danced for the Ballet de l'Opéra de Nice and Béjart Ballet Lausanne before joining Staatsballett Berlin as a corps de ballet member in 2018, under then co-directors Johannes Öhman and Sasha Waltz. After the company told her in October that her contract, which ends in July, would not be renewed, she shared her story with Pointe.

I didn't know I was the first Black female dancer at Staatsballett Berlin when I joined the company in 2018. I learned that from German journalists who came to interview me almost immediately. I grew up in a mixed-race family—my mother was French, my father from Cape Verde—and I was educated to believe that we all have the same opportunities.

My brother and my sister also went to prestigious dance schools [her brother, Isaac Lopes Gomes, is now a dancer with the Paris Opéra Ballet], and I didn't really think about my skin color while I was training. I spent four years at the Bolshoi Ballet Academy. I didn't necessarily feel safe in the streets in Russia because people stared at me, but I was still awarded scholarships and my teacher loved me.

I quickly realized that auditions and company life were a different story. The day after my audition in Berlin, in early 2018, one particular ballet mistress told a colleague of mine in the company that she didn't think the Staatsballett should hire me because a Black woman in a corps de ballet isn't aesthetically pleasing. This ballet mistress was in charge of the corps, and for over two years, she discriminated against me because of my skin color.

That colleague warned me before I started, but I was hopeful I would also work with other ballet masters. No such luck: I was under her supervision 90 percent of the time, and we started with Swan Lake. I was one of six new women, and the ballet mistress immediately took a dislike to me. She bombarded me with corrections, and when the premiere arrived, she told me that all the women needed to color their skin with white powder. I told her that I would never look white, and she replied: "You'll just put on more powder than the others."

I spoke to Johannes [Öhman, co-artistic director at the time], who decided I should stay as I was. The ballet mistress took the fact that I went to him as an affront, as if I'd undermined her authority, and she started saying overtly racist things.

Since I didn't speak German and she didn't speak English, we communicated in Russian initially, so my colleagues didn't understand when she would say casually: "You're not in line and that's all we see because you're Black." And then, when she was handing out the Shades' veils for La Bayadère, she got to me and laughed, in front of other dancers: "I can't give you one: The veil is white and you're Black."

I again told Johannes, who said it was unacceptable but explained to me that she had a lifetime contract, which means you're untouchable in Germany. Johannes asked if I wanted him to talk to her, and I said no, because I was worried it would get even worse.

I was so anxious and unwell that I ended up with a metatarsal fracture. I should have been back after two months, but six months later, I was still in pain, and the doctors didn't know why—until a neurologist told me it was linked to stress and prescribed antidepressants. Suddenly, the pain went away completely.

Johannes left Staatsballett Berlin abruptly last January. On the day he announced it, the ballet mistress told me that now I was going to have to use white powder. I ran into the current interim director, Christiane Theobald, in a hallway while in makeup for Swan Lake. She asked why I had whitened my skin and said that I wasn't supposed to do it, but the ballet mistress was in charge of rehearsals and didn't leave me much choice. I felt like the company's ugly little duckling.

This ballet mistress also had me and a few colleagues re-create a painting of a Black dancer surrounded by white dancers. When I asked what the photo was for, she said she wanted to show her friends that they had "one of those" too in the company, as if I were a zoo animal.

My colleagues didn't want to take the picture, but there is an atmosphere of fear in the dance world. The ballet masters are the ones who are in the studio with us all the time, who hold the keys to our evolution. If you're on a one-year or two-year contract, it's very easy for the company not to renew it, whereas some ballet masters are employed for life. They're more privileged than even some directors, and that creates a power imbalance: We should be on an equal footing contract-wise.

The Staatsballett doesn't have a safe way to report discrimination or harassment, and there was still blackface in the repertoire when I joined. In Nutcracker, some children were required to paint their faces black, while I stood in the corps behind them.

I was called to a pre-dismissal meeting with Christiane Theobald in October. She did not dance professionally, so she said she relied on the ballet masters' advice. I was told that they needed to let some dancers go due to COVID, and that I would be happier in a smaller company, because I hadn't been onstage much. I explained why that was, and what had happened to me. She admitted it was terrible but said my race wasn't the reason they were firing me.

I know I was fired because I'm Black. From the beginning, I didn't stand a chance. Christiane Theobald is part of an old-fashioned system: She has worked for the company's administration since 2004, and she let me go even after I told her about the racism I encountered. My contract runs through July 31: I've been cast in reduced, COVID-friendly versions of Giselle and Swan Lake and I still want to work.

There is still this idea in the ballet world that you have to suffer to make it. We—the younger generation—can't accept that anymore. Ballet must reflect society. I don't want to be abused just to be able to dance. I want to be happy in my life, not just when I step onstage.

Editor's note: In a statement to Pointe, Theobald, who cannot comment on personnel matters, says that an internal investigation into Lopes Gomes' allegations is underway, and that the company plans to conduct antiracism training and workshops for all employees. "I am sorry to see that there is an employee at the Staatsballett Berlin who had to endure a very stressful situation for a long time and that the situation could not be resolved beforehand. Discrimination and racism is a highly sensitive issue that is of importance to society as a whole, including the Staatsballett Berlin. It is very important to me to live a discrimination-free corporate culture and to implement it where it does not yet exist 100 percent."

#chloé lopes gomes #article #ballet #ballerina #pointe magazine #racism #anti black racism #abuse tw

31 notes · View notes

jeasthetic · 3 years

Text

May 2019

Deolinda Kalila,

A girl with a beautiful face, who if you look from the outside will look fierce, arrogant, and also harsh. But if you know her more deeply, you will see her gentle and tough nature. So tough, that no one could match her toughness. A quiet girl who doesn't have many friends, also doesn't have many memories. Her life isn't full of happiness, but she never complains of circumstances.

Deolinda Kalila,

The girl who has been teaching the meaning of life, where you shouldn't complain just because of circumstances. If you feel desperate for your life, look back, see how many people were struggling to survive. Look at those who have so many burdens, but never complain about circumstances, never blame God.

The girl opened everyone's eyes, that the real world is not as cruel as people say. It's just about perceptions and presumptions. If you always think that the problem is too big, then that's how you will feel. Let us consider all problems small, because every problem must have a solution. It's all about timing, and how we live it. Stay optimistic, and always give thanks to God. Surely God will bless our every step.

Deolinda Kalila,

Her name has stuck with me, in the depths of my heart, filling every empty space in me. The girl who was strong was incessantly floating in my mind. Her is funny, sometimes spicy, but motivating chatter always rings in my head.

I feel like crying when I remember the memories we have spent together. Kalila is strong, who always looks tough, who always advises me, always supports me, and teaches me about the beauty of being grateful.

However, it turns out that Kalila isn't that strong, she isn't an incarnate angel, she's just an ordinary human. Someone who is already within her limits. Kalila is tired. Not tired in heart, but body.

*** *** ***

October 2018

The stars scattered in the sky indicate that the weather is sunny tonight. I invited Kalila to see how beautiful the scenery in the sky was. The stars still look beautiful even though we only see them from behind the window. Well ... Kalila's health isn't very good, she isn't allowed to go out at night, so I think this is the only way to comfort her when she is missing her parents.

"Kal, someone said if there is a shooting star, we can ask for one request and be granted," I said to Kalila.

"It's a hoax. The only one who can grant our request is God." she said seriously. Huh, even though I'm just kidding.

"If God gave you one wish, what would you ask for?" I asked.

"I want to live a little longer," she replied with a smile.

I shuddered in horror, "it's not like your age isn't that long. Anyway, no one knows how old you are."

"It's not that long," she replied lightly, "I don't know how old I am, but with my condition like this, the possibility of living a long life is very small." she continued.

I was stunned, I think her words were too .. too much.

"How bad is your pain?" I asked a little annoyed.

"Um ... btw, isn't it ridiculous if I ask to stay alive when it's time to go?" she asked back without heeding my question earlier.

I sighed heavily, "It's ridiculous, but 'how about it? Everyone has their own reasons why they want to live longer, including you." I replied. Forget my question earlier, Kalila won't want to answer it.

"Yeah, I want to be successful and be happy for Grandma, as well as the people around me." she said. Yes, it's that simple the reason.

"Nice." I gave a faint smile, lightly patted the top of her head. "Btw, it's already at this hour. I'm home, huh? Afraid that my mother will be angry." I say goodbye to Kalila.

Kalila just nodded limply with pursed lips.

"Alright, don't be sad. Don't cry anymore, your mom and dad need prayers, not tears. Okay?" I said.

Kalila nodded again, "be careful on the road."

***

Kalila absent from class for one week, without explanation – alpha. This certainly makes me anxious, I'm worried about the situation now. The reason is, Kalila is completely unreachable, and her house is always empty. Where it is now, I don't know. Even if I want to search, I don't know where to look, there is no clue at all.

All I can do now is visit her house every morning and after school, to check whether she and her grandmother are home or not. Even though I myself don't know whether they left to come back again or ... ah, I don't know. Besides, this is the only way I can do it.

I walked along the path to Kalila's house, hoping that this time I could meet her. When I almost arrived, I saw from a distance an old woman had just gotten out of a taxi and walked towards her house. There's no mistaking it, it's Kalila's grandmother. I immediately approached Kalila's grandmother, who was now at the door and prepared to open the doorknob.

"Excuse me, Grandma." My greetings to Grandma Kalila, make her fail to open the knob.

"Ah, Jeno-ya." she said, her expression sad and tired.

"Grandma, where is Kalila?" I asked without preamble.

"Ah, Kalila ..." Kalila's grandmother's sentence was interrupted, the sad face became more visible.

"Grandma?" I took Kalila's grandmother's hand, then held it.

Grandma Kalila cried, "Kalila..." she muttered a little sobbing, "Kalila is hospitalized."

I was flabbergasted, "Hospitalization? What disease does she have, Grandma?"

"A lot, kid. The virus is running rampant now." replied the grandmother between her tears.

"What? What virus?" I keep asking, really, I don't understand at all. What's going on here?

"Looks like it's time for grandma to tell you the truth, son." she said, I was just speechless.

Grandma Kalila told me everything about Kalila that I didn't know at all so far. She was really telling the truth, it made me disbelieve. Kalila, who has been looking tough all this time, turns out to be bearing a lot of burdens, one of which is to bear the disease she is currently suffering from. And how shocked I was when I learned of Kalila's illness.

Kalila contracted the HIV virus from birth. The doctor said, this was a fortune because Kalila was still able to survive today. The reason is, Kalila's father died after several years of contracting the virus, as well as her mother who died after giving birth due to an indirect infection from the HIV virus.

So far, Kalila has to take ART drugs or antiretroviral treatment, to prevent the virus from multiplying, and stabilize her condition to stay healthy. But lately, she didn't consume it due to cost issues. So that the HIV virus is increasingly spreading and causing various kinds of complications.

Kalila's grandmother's statements were so stifling, they filled my eyes with tears, which I just spilled. My heart feels very sick, really can't accept the harsh reality. In fact, from the start I thought that Kalila was indeed a HIV sufferer because some of the symptoms she had had did refer to the disease. But I always deny it, I always hope that my guess isn't true. And the worst will not happen.

"Why did you just say it now? Why did Kalila never tell the truth?" I asked in a slightly choked up voice, my tears have broken now.

"Sorry, son. Kalila didn't allow me to tell anyone about her illness. You must understand Kalila's feelings."

"But this is me, Grandma? I'm her best friend."

"Precisely because of that, Kalila doesn't want to lose her only friend. Kalila is afraid that you will stay away after learning about her illness."

Alright, so that's the reason. I don't understand why Kalila thought that I would leave her after knowing the illness she was suffering from. I'm not that bad, no thoughts of leaving her, at all. I thought Kalila was very familiar with my nature, but not. A little angry, but much disappointed.

"Grandma, I went to the hospital, right?" I asked Grandma Kalila.

"Yes, son. Jeno, wait here first, I wants to take Kalila's needs."

Kalila is lying weak with an IV in her hand and various kinds of tubes stuck in her body. Her body was too weak to simply change her sleeping position. Looks very tired, but still awake from sleep. I hold Kalila's left hand - the hand that is free from the IV - intending to strengthen it.

Actually I was angry and also disappointed, considering Kalila's attitude was so closed to me. But I don't have the heart to take it out on Kalila. She's too weak to argue with. So, I tried to throw away my anger, and excused Kalila's actions.

We haven't said anything since I came. Though usually she was very enthusiastic about welcoming me, even though she was sick. Kalila continues to daydream while staring at the hospital ceiling. Many times I called her name, but there was no response at all. And maybe she also didn't realize that all this time I was holding her hand.

"Jeno?"

Finally Kalila opened her voice. She called out my name without taking her eyes off the ceiling.

"W-what?" I stammered, a little surprised. I guess she didn't even notice that I was here.

Kalila turned to me, "when I go, you will not forget me, right?"

I rounded my eyes, "What are you talking about? Where are you going? You're still here." my pressure.

Kalila shook her head limply, "no, Jen. I took what I said yesterday, when it's time to go, I won't have much hope."

"Kal–"

"Please promise me, Jeno."

"W-what?"

"Don't ever forget me, even though I'm not beside you anymore." said Kalila, her eyes filled with tears.

"Never. I'll Never forget you." I replied firmly while holding Kalila's hand tightly, trying to look fine.

"And ... You have to visit me often, even though you're already married. Invite your little family to meet me, OK?" she said again.

I smiled bitterly, "Yes. But later, in a few years. Because I don't want you to go out anytime soon. I'm not ready. And again, what the heck, married ?!"

Kalila chuckled, "ready or not, have to be ready .. Ah ya, one more thing."

"What else?" I asked embarrassedly.

"Please take care of my grandmother." said Kalila with a sad smile, making my heart feel sliced.

"Yes, I will take care of your grandma. Your grandma is my grandma too." I answered.

"Thanks, Jeno." Kalila smiled again, "Thank you for accompanying me for this one year. You're my best friend, not because you are the only one, but because you are really valuable." My feelings warmed after hearing the words that Kalila said.

"Thanks also to everything you've taught me, Kal. Including about how to respond to a world that is sometimes not on our side. So far, I have learned a lot from you. I feel ashamed if I remember what I was, why I was so easy to give up, even though my burden isn't much. And since I know you, I feel like a stronger person. " I replied.

Kalila nodded with a shady smile, tightening her hand, "I love you, Lee Jeno." she said, then she closed her eyes.

"Kal!" I screamed. I immediately stood up, then checked her breath and pulse. My breath was caught, my body suddenly felt weak, my legs felt numb. I lowered my head to face Kalila who was helpless.

"Kal ..." I groaned. I closed my eyes, squeezed my chest which felt so sore with the tears pouring down.

"I want to go to Cambridge, the best university in the world."

"I want to be a successful person, Jen. I want to make you happy."

"Don't be stupid, your future is still long, Jeno!"

"Your parents must be fine, don't be sad."

"Don't be afraid to face problems, problems won't kill you."

"You have to promise, you can't even try to commit suicide again."

"You have to be strong, Jeno. You're a boy."

The sentences that have been spoken by Kalila ring in my head, as well as the sweet memories we went through together. Which now feels so painful. I hate this goodbye, but I never regretted our meeting. Met, then separated. Isn't that a natural thing?

As much as possible I try to let it go, even though it's so hard. But I also don't want to add to Kalila's burden, she has to go quietly. The struggle has been quite up to here, it has reached its peak.

Kalila's suffering in the world is over. Finally I have to let it go, because then Kalila will leave in peace. Hopefully she will always be well. I don't need to worry, because there will be many angels guarding it.

Goodbye, Kalila. May God reunite us in His heaven later.

END

Find me on wattpad: najaesthetic_

#fanfic #wattpad #writers on tumblr #lee jeno #nct fanfic #nct dream #jeno nct #kpop angst #idol au #neverforget #my love #true love #friends

4 notes · View notes

breadclubrising · 6 years

Note

As the preiminent Golden Lovers Scholar I was wondering if you had heard of the Truepenny Conspiracy theory and your thoughts in it? I'm horrifically butchering it but I believe the essence is that one of the reasons Kota went on his NA/European excursion was to allow Kenny the time and space to become huge enough in NJPW to be able to have greater control over how the GL story was told and presented.

(I would not use the word “preeminent” but go off I guess.)

Interesting. You know, I haven’t heard of this theory and five minutes of Googling didn’t net me much. The closest thing I found was a wrestling podcast called Truepenny that has talked about the Golden Lovers, and I wasn’t going to like… listen… to things. I have ADD. Feel free to send me links! Or get me on the horn with whoever has that theory, because tl;dr: I disagree.

Edit: Uhhhh the person with the theory read this post… so that’s a thing. And apparently the original theory has Gedo being involved in this whole thing, which, yeah, if the guy calling the shots is calling the shots… then those shots are all part of a plan. Like if you’re like “this is all part of God’s Plan” and you genuinely believe that God made said Plan, then, yeah, literally everything ever makes sense. So this is an excellent conspiracy theory in the sense that I cannot refute it, as literally any argument could be countered with “but that’s because Gedo planned it that way.” I’m still not sure that Gedo would be like “Kota, get out there and be fuckin’ weird as hell at all times because it’ll make people care about the Golden Lovers, which they will have to do a lot of research to figure out and also it happened mostly in DDT so they’ll have to learn that too and probably watch some DDT to understand the significance of it all,” BUT I ALSO CANNOT SAY THAT HE WOULDN’T DO THAT! GEDO IS A FUCKIN SLICK MOTHERFUCKER! So the theory lives!

It won’t surprise you that this made me write a thing, so I put it under a cut. But there’s also some gifs of Kota’s butt being given the recognition it deserves.

Going off of what you said, I don’t think this sounds very likely. Just logistically speaking, that means they would have had to be banking on Kenny rising to greater stardom in NJPW, which he was only just starting to do when Kota left due to injury in November 2015. Kenny’s takeover of the Bullet Club and monster push started in early 2016, which is still before Ibushi was even cleared to wrestle again.

So the timing kindasorta matches up, but Kenny certainly wasn’t at the point where he’d have that kind of control over his own booking. He’d only just moved up to heavyweight. To me, Kenny didn’t really start having that kind of clout until his WK 11 match with Okada helped bring NJPW to a much bigger audience in the west. And that’s definitely not the sort of thing you can plan for.

Not only that, but once Ibushi was cleared to wrestle again, he resigned from NJPW and DDT. If this theory is true, I can’t think of a reason for him to resign from NJPW, let alone DDT. In fact I’d think, if the goal was to have control over the GL storyline, it would make sense for him to also try to gain prominence in NJPW, so they could both exert pressure on their booking directions.

I actually think Ibushi genuinely was burnt out, like he says. And going by interviews he gave around that time, it really seems like the burnout and injury had taken a huge emotional toll on him, and he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to do with himself anymore. So doing random shit like going to the UK and flirting with WWE makes sense to me as something he’d do because all he desperately needed to try something different.

And Ibushi still wrestled for a bunch of other Japanese promotions here and there, DDT included, between February 2016 when he came back from injury and July 2017 when he entered the G1. Even after the G1, when he was in NJPW pretty regularly, he still made appearances in DDT and other Japanese promotions. And of course there’s the tinhat theory (*wink*) that Ibushi was the man behind Tiger Mask W, who debuted in NJPW in October (??) 2016.

Basically, I’m saying that it makes no sense for Ibushi to utterly and completely derail his career for over a year in hopes that Kenny might become a superstar and help them revive the Golden Lovers. And if he had wanted to do that, he didn’t do a very good job of staying out of Japanese wrestling (which would make him less “loyal” to NJPW). Ibushi seriously damaged his standing in NJPW and risked wandering in the wilderness for a very long time. I know the Golden Lovers story is central to both his and Kenny’s career arcs, but he actually risked ever being able to revisit it by doing what he did.

Right after WK 11, Kenny mentioned in an interview that he and “an old friend” were going to try to do something special in 2017. Ibushi, too, said “I do have plans in Japan” when he talked about declining the WWE contract. So clearly they were trying to do something with the Golden Lovers storyline even back then, but it didn’t come to fruition in 2017 as they’d hoped, even with the clout they both had (my kinda crackpot guess is this is because Jericho threw a wrench in everything).

In kayfabe, I think Ibushi was being erratic and lost because he was unsuccessfully trying to put the Golden Lovers part of himself in the past. His character also got increasingly serious and “professional” during this time, to the point where when he was called upon by Taguchi Japan to do a hip attack on Chase Owens, he looked conflicted and concerned, as if he hadn’t spent 6 years in DDT doing butt stuff of so many varieties.

the cinnamon tography of this moment

I don’t know guys, that seems kind of unprofessional, don’t you think?

God-I-wish-that-were-me.jpg

(This was just an excuse to use these gifs again. I need to re-upload the whole set post-Deletening :/ )

I’m always very curious how much contact Ibushi and Omega actually had post-Golden-Lovers, but I think that when Ibushi was shooting fireworks of his chest and high fiving Vince McMahon, he was genuinely trying to find his own way in the world. Whether that was with the loving support of his friend (?) Kenny Omega, or to the chagrin and concern of his estranged acquaintance Kenny Omega, we’ll never know unless they tell us someday, but either way it had nothing to do with the Golden Lovers IMO.

#golden lovers #golden lovers trutherism #kota ibushi #kenny omega #anon did you just get me to do your dirty work for you?#apparently kota's butt has its own hashtag on twitter #which IMO it did not merit until he came back to NJPW for the G1 #but i should figure out what it is and use it #seems important to my brand

24 notes · View notes

shieldsmusic92 · 3 years

Text

So it started in my GCSE years so year 10/11. I originally wanted to be an electrician for some reason! The only reason why I would think I wanted to be an electrician is because I was told that Trade jobs are the best to have as you get paid well and it's a safe industry. By this, I don't mean I was pushed towards it as my family/people around me never pushed anything on me. I guess I didn't know what I wanted to do and just chose that, I remember my Grandad saying to me to be a decorater which I honestly could not think of anything worse.

So anyway I chose to do Electronics as one of my GCSE's which looking back, well no even then I knew it was a waste of time. The teacher did not seem to care and the only thing I remember is making a pencil holder which had little L.E.D Lights, I remember drawing up a design, I wanted it to light up and spin, my teacher said that it was possible to do and got my hopes up to then tell me half way down the line that it wasn't possible. I just think he couldn't be bothered to show me how to do it...

I don't remember the exact moment I realised I didn't want to be an electrician anymore but during my time doing my GCSE's I started listening to a lot more music and thus began my deep interest in music. I started playing guitar, going to gigs and playing in bands.

The end of GCSE's came and I went into sixth form where I studied Music Technology, I didn't know what I wanted to do career wise in Music but I just knew I wanted to be in the music industry. Learnt so much in the 2 years of studying with a great teacher. I learnt about all the technical side so how to record music but also I learnt the theory side of music like composing etc. I really wish I had started music from a young age so I could have learnt more theory based stuff about music.

After Sixth Form I went to University, Leeds Metropolitan University, where I studied Music Technology. I finally knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a sound engineer for Theatre, I am a major musical theatre fan, me and my family love going to see shows on the West End in London so this career would be perfect for me. I have to say University wasn't for me, I believe it is a hell of a lot of money and I unfortunately know a lot of people who are in the music industry who haven't studied at University. Although I developed some skills at University and learnt very few new things, I really think it was a waste of time. I did not make the most of University to be honest, I didn't have the typical student life but at least I got a degree out of it.

My first job was at Debenhams, I worked there as a part time sales advisor for 4-5 years but during University I left and started at New Look (fashion retailer) still part time but just wanted something new. I graduated from University and was set free into the real world! I worked more hours at New Look while I decided what to do with my life. I was in bands and was gigging and my dream was and still is to be in a big touring band full time so I decided against the sound engineer for theatre career as it would take up my evenings when I could be gigging but that didn't matter anyway because shit was about to go down.

I met my ex girlfriend through JoinMyBand in my final year of University, I joined her band at the time. We started dating and I stupidly moved in with her after a few months, she didn't work due to health issues and she had a child who I loved, all fine until she got worse and I quit my job to look after her full time!

Let's skip ahead 2 years because that story is for a different time maybe, maybe not.

We broke up on Christmas day 2016. I was jobless but bloody happy to be out of there.

February 2017 I started my job at New Look again except this time in a different store, luckily my old deputy heard what happened and offered me a job as she was Store Manager in the store which I worked at for about 2 years, I was so grateful to her and still am! It was here where I basically realised shit I need to get my life together now, I worked so hard and decided I would try and make it in retail, I wanted to get to the top! I progressed to Supervisor, step 1 complete. I also would like to mention that I met my beautiful wife to be here so that's another step of getting my life together complete.

After 2 years, I moved stores as working in different stores helps to progress in retail. This store was the White Rose store which I worked in after Debenhams so it was nice to be back there again. I was eager to progress but I didn't seem to be getting anywhere, October came and a position came up in York for Deputy Store Manager just Maternity Cover so I took it which was the best decision ever, as stressful as it was, I learnt so much from it.

The maternity cover contract came to an end in February and by this time COVID19 had started unfortunately cutting my time short at my next maternity cover deputy Store manager position at Doncaster, I worked there for 3 weeks then we went in to the dreaded first lockdown!

Lockdown ended and so did my maternity cover at Doncaster so I was unfortunately forced to go back to White Rose as a Supervisor but I owned it, my demeanor had changed and I had a name for myself.

Another lockdown was on the way during the Christmas period of 2020 I progressed to Sales Manager (promotion from supervisor) but only because our Sales Manager was off sick. It was all good, I was on good money and doing well for myself. Lockdown 2 came and I had a feeling that I would be stepped back down to Supervisor during this time, my January wage came through and my payslip said I was getting Supervisor wage again! Knew it...

Therefore I knew this was my time to start looking for a new job. I had done all I can at New Look I did so much for them, worked in many different stores, worked so hard but there just wasn't a higher position for me anywhere and I want to successful and just think New Look would not have been able to give me a position for a very long time especially in the current climate.

I started looking for jobs on Indeed. I applied to at least 100 jobs! I still wanted a Customer Service job as I'm good at it. I came across a job that was for a company called JHS which is a music instrument/accessory distributer, I thought oh this would be cool as its customer service based and its on music so everything I love! So obviously I applied.

We come to an end of my blog, this is what this blog is about, I went to an interview for this job, it was my first interview in a very long time....

I got the job! I officially start tomorrow, I have left retail and I am finally working in the music Industry, no it isn't the sound engineer career but to me it's better. It's Monday-Friday 9-5 all to do with music. My life now literally revolves around music and I wouldnt have it any other way!

Thanks for reading, wish me luck!

#Career #Job #Music industry #JHS #New Look #Fashion #Retail #New career #New job #Life

0 notes

tales-of-a-chronic-pn-insomniac · 6 years

Text

Why I'm dreading the potential privatisation of the NHS

I have lived with chronic pain for the last eight years. In those eight years, I have had numerous consultations, x-rays, MRI scans, surgeries and prescribed medications. The only expense I have faced over those eight years has been my monthly £10 payment for my prescription pre-payment certificate (don’t get me started on my feelings about disabled people having to pay for medication – that is a whole other story in itself!) However as that is the only expense I have incurred over this time period I consider myself very lucky. Had I had to pay for each and every one of my consultations, x-rays, scans, blood tests etc etc. I would very likely be bankrupt and begging on my local street corner (not for money but for someone to put me out of my misery). There are plenty of horror stories that we have all read over the years about our NHS hospitals. From stories of needles being left in babies arms, to Gynaecology Consultants being stricken off for malpractice. (the latter being one that I was personally affected by, but again that is another story). Sources: Cornish Guardian, Western morning news, BBC spotlight. What we rarely hear about are the good stories about our NHS, about the thousands of lives they save every day. The thousands of patients they care for every day and the real difference the NHS makes in our lives. To give you an idea of what I would have to have paid were I a private patient I offer the following information: Neurologist consultation £250.00 Pain specialist consultation £250.00 X-rays £99 each MRI scan £500 each Spinal decompression surgery £5930.00 each Spinal Fusion Surgery £5930.00 each Pain relieving procedures £1395.00 each *prices sourced from private healthcare UK. Now let’s consider the total cost of my healthcare over the eight-year period of my chronic pain battle; which has included approximately nine Neuro consultant appointments, 16 pain consultant appointments, four pain relieving procedures, two decompression surgeries and two fusion surgeries. That would make a total cost of £66,958.00. This total doesn’t even include the other health issues I have had surgery for, this covers just the health issues pertaining to my chronic pain. It also doesn’t include the many consultations with my GP (which I couldn’t even begin to remember how many of which there have been.) That figure amounts to more than what my husband and I paid to purchase our house in 1999! This highlights just how dire our circumstances could be were I having to pay for my healthcare. So, this brings me to the whole point of writing this. If the NHS in the UK is privatised fully in the next few weeks, months or years it means that my future will become financially unstable. I was told by my employers in October of 2016 that I simply “wasn’t well enough to work anymore” and they promptly terminated my contract of employment with them. Now although my own GP and family members had been telling me for the last two years that I shouldn’t have been working I had ignored them for many reasons. 1) I wanted to financially continue to support my household income. 2) I enjoyed the job I was doing immensely 3) I had worked and trained hard to get my position 4) As I was working in the NHS I could see the privatisation happening with contracts for porters and cleaners going out to tender. So, I could see the writing on the wall that full privatising was and is on the cards for our beloved NHS and that prospect terrified me (and still does to this day). You see the issue I face is this. I have degenerative disc disease which has resulted in chronic pain. Yet there is no cure, only pain management programmes, surgeries (some that can leave you in more pain than you already have so trying them is a gamble), and chronic pain groups for emotional support. Nothing takes my pain away completely (apart from the times I have been under general anaesthetic and I cannot spend the rest of my life comatose!) Therefore, I will always need prescription medications, regular GP appointments and ongoing MRI scans for as and when my other discs degrade. My husband is a 4 x cancer survivor who sees his consultant and has an MRI scan on a six-monthly basis. My eldest daughter has Reynard’s disease. My youngest daughter is asthmatic and highly allergic to dust mite which means she must take daily medication to keep it under control. Taking these things into account can you imagine how much our ongoing healthcare would cost us? That is if we could even get covered by a private healthcare insurance policy. I worry the premiums alone would far exceed our monthly household costs. But somehow, we would have to try our best to find a plan that would cover us and help with the costs that we would be faced with. There is another solution though, one that we are already striving to put in place. In the latest general election, we used our votes wisely. We didn’t vote for the person who wants to continue with the privatisation, instead we chose the person who is fighting to save it. Along with all the doctors, nurses, HCA’s, paramedics and GPs in the UK. We have signed every single petition out there that is against privatisation. We have supported the nurses and doctor strike actions. If enough of us get involved with this and use our voices, our votes and our actions we can together, stop this from happening. You never know if you or a family member is going to be diagnosed with a chronic illness, a terminal illness or even an allergy that will affect them for the rest of their lives. Take it from someone who has had all the above happen. You may not need it right now (and I hope you never do as chronic illness is a nightmare to live with) but at some point, you or someone you love may need the NHS; and instead of having access to free treatment you will be faced with a bill, that must be paid, sometimes upfront ahead of a scan or a consultation and you may not be in a position financially to afford it. Join the fight to save the NHS before it is too late. So me and others going through chronic illness will continue to have access to free medical care, and not be crippled financially as well as physically.

#saveournh s#nhs #chronicpain #illness #finances #privatisation #health #talesofachronicpaininsomniac

0 notes

essypan-blog · 6 years

Text

why I'm dreading the potential privatisation of the NHS

*prices sourced from private healthcare UK. Now let’s consider the total cost of my healthcare over the eight-year period of my chronic pain battle; which has included approximately nine Neuro consultant appointments, 16 pain consultant appointments, four pain relieving procedures, two decompression surgeries and two fusion surgeries. That would make a total cost of £66,958.00. This total doesn’t even include the other health issues I have had surgery for, this covers just the health issues pertaining to my chronic pain. It also doesn’t include the many consultations with my GP (which I couldn’t even begin to remember how many of which there have been.) That figure amounts to more than what my husband and I paid to purchase our house in 1999! This highlights just how dire our circumstances could be were I having to pay for my healthcare. So, this brings me to the whole point of writing this. If the NHS in the UK is privatised fully in the next few weeks, months or years it means that my future will become financially unstable. I was told by my employers in October of 2016 that I simply “wasn’t well enough to work anymore” and they promptly terminated my contract of employment with them. Now although my own GP and family members had been telling me for the last two years that I shouldn’t have been working I had ignored them for many reasons. 1) I wanted to financially continue to support my household income. 2) I enjoyed the job I was doing immensely 3) I had worked and trained hard to get my position 4) As I was working in the NHS I could see the privatisation happening with contracts for porters and cleaners going out to tender. So, I could see the writing on the wall that full privatising was and is on the cards for our beloved NHS and that prospect terrified me (and still does to this day). You see the issue I face is this. I have degenerative disc disease which has resulted in chronic pain. Yet there is no cure, only pain management programmes, surgeries (some that can leave you in more pain than you already have so trying them is a gamble), and chronic pain groups for emotional support. Nothing takes my pain away completely (apart from the times I have been under general anaesthetic and I cannot spend the rest of my life comatose!) Therefore, I will always need prescription medications, regular GP appointments and ongoing MRI scans for as and when my other discs degrade. My husband is a 4 x cancer survivor who sees his consultant and has an MRI scan on a six-monthly basis. My eldest daughter has Reynard’s disease. My youngest daughter is asthmatic and highly allergic to dust mite which means she must take daily medication to keep it under control. Taking these things into account can you imagine how much our ongoing healthcare would cost us? That is if we could even get covered by a private healthcare insurance policy. I worry the premiums alone would far exceed our monthly household costs. But somehow, we would have to try our best to find a plan that would cover us and help with the costs that we would be faced with. There is another solution though, one that we are already striving to put in place. In the latest general election, we used our votes wisely. We didn’t vote for the person who wants to continue with the privatisation, instead we chose the person who is fighting to save it. Along with all the doctors, nurses, HCA’s, paramedics and GPs in the UK. We have signed every single petition out there that is against privatisation. We have supported the nurses and doctor strike actions. If enough of us get involved with this and use our voices, our votes and our actions we can together, stop this from happening. You never know if you or a family member is going to be diagnosed with a chronic illness, a terminal illness or even an allergy that will affect them for the rest of their lives. Take it from someone who has had all the above happen. You may not need it right now (and I hope you never do as chronic illness is a nightmare to live with) but at some point, you or someone you love may need the NHS; and instead of having access to free treatment you will be faced with a bill, that must be paid, sometimes upfront ahead of a scan or a consultation and you may not be in a position financially to afford it. Join the fight to save the NHS before it is too late. So me and others going through chronic illness will continue to have access to free medical care, and not be crippled financially as well as physically.

#save our nhs #nhs #chronicpain #illness #finances #privatisation #health

0 notes