#and it's supposed to be a big deal i guess

[loveyouanyway]

i'll kiss your scars

buck x eddie | 900 words | teen rating

prompt: trans buck for @steadfastsaturnsrings 🥰 💖

“But y-you like men.” “Yes I do. Particularly the amazing and gorgeous man in front of me.” Buck stumbles across his words, all flustered. “But Eddie, I’m not— like I don’t have a you know.” He glances down there. “That doesn’t make you any less of a man, Buck." or Buck tells Eddie that he's trans and things change between them, but for the better.

read on ao3 or below :)

Buck, Eddie and Christopher are enjoying their dinner together in comfortable silence.

Christopher finishes his plate of spaghetti and meatballs first and now that he’s not eating, the silence feels weird so he speaks up.

“I’m not the only Christopher in my class anymore.”

Eddie hums. “Oh new student?”

“Nope. His name used to be Chloe but now it’s Christopher.”

Eddie and Buck look to each other in understanding.

“So he’s…”

“Trans. Yeah, it’s not a big deal, Dad. Now people just call me Chris and him Christopher.”

“How did people react?” Buck asks curiously.

“Everyone was cool about it. Some people had questions though so Christopher answered them. Then Mr. Nolan told everyone that he will not tolerate any transphobia or homophobia but he’s happy to tell us more about it. And if we ever have to talk to him about it, we can.”

Buck blinks back tears thinking how happy he is that in school, kids can come out and people will be supportive or at least respectful enough that they won’t say anything negative. He thinks about how bad it would be if he came out in middle school. He’s so glad Christopher has a teacher like Mr. Nolan.

He should probably tell Eddie that he’s trans. It’s been over a year since they’ve been friends. He knows Eddie will be accepting and everything but it’s still difficult. He doesn’t want anything to change between them.

“Buck?” Eddie and nudges his foot with his own under the table.

“You okay?” he asks.

Buck quickly nods. “Yeah no I’m good.”

Eddie thankfully doesn’t push and instead asks what movie they should watch tonight.

—

They watch Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse and Buck suggests they watch the second one next movie night which Christopher enthusiastically agrees to.

Christopher gets ready for bed reluctantly and Buck reads him a chapter of Percy Jackson. Eddie watches them with a sickening fond smile.

Once the chapter’s done, he and Eddie both hug Christopher and tell him “good night” and Buck yearns for him to have this every night.

They walk into the living room and Buck plops onto the couch with a sigh.

Eddie sits down next to Buck and faces him.

“Hey, you know that you can tell me anything, right?” he says earnestly with his stupidly pretty eyes looking him in the eye.

Buck breaks eye contact and nods. “Yeah of course, uh thanks.”

Eddie doesn’t reply as if he’s hoping Buck will say more.

“Just give me a moment.” he adds and to that Eddie hums and rests his hand on Buck’s thigh. Oh god. This isn’t helping his nerves.

Buck takes a deep breath. “I’m trans.”

A second passes.

“Thanks for telling me.” Eddie smiles, trying to act like he didn’t know this but Buck sees past it.

“You already knew. How?”

“I saw your testosterone gel thing in the bathroom once. I guess you forgot to put it away like you usually do,” Eddie answers softly.

“You’re not mad I didn’t tell you?”

“Of course not, Buck. You don’t owe me anything regarding that.”

“We’ve been best friends for months.”

“Yeah well did I come out to you as cis? No. Besides gender is fucking stupid. Am I even a man?”

Buck sighs. He supposes Eddie has a valid point.

“Uh, while we’re talking about more serious topics, I have something to tell you,” Eddie admits.

Buck doesn’t have enough time to panic before Eddie calmly says “I’m in love with you.”

Is this a fucking dream? Buck doesn’t know what to say. “I- What do you mean?”

Eddie continues, “Yeah that was one of the factors in the whole me discovering my sexuality process. Hen called me out so many times about my gay panic for you.”

“But y-you like men.”

“Yes I do. Particularly the amazing and gorgeous man in front of me.”

Buck stumbles across his words, all flustered. “But Eddie, I’m not— like I don’t have a you know.” He glances down there.

“That doesn’t make you any less of a man, Buck. I know how I feel about you. I love you beyond your body but I mean, I really love your body and I hope I can make you feel safe and comfortable with it.”

Yeah this is a fucking dream come true.

Eddie lifts up the bottom of his shirt. “Can I…”

Buck has no idea what he’s about to do but he’ll let Eddie do anything to him. That probably should be concerning but he doesn’t care.

“Yeah,” he says with a shaky breath.

Eddie gently takes Buck’s shirt (which actually belonged to Eddie originally) and looks at him with such adoration, it makes Buck want to cry.

He lowers his head and brings his lips to Buck’s top surgery scars. He softly kisses along the two lines, whispering “I love you” after each kiss.

Now Buck is crying. He is just so overwhelmed with love—both his love for Eddie and feeling so loved by Eddie. He manages to say, “I love you” back before the tears make unable to speak coherently

Of course Eddie understands and doesn’t tell him “No it’s okay don’t cry,” instead he embraces him into a hug that makes Buck feel all warm and fuzzy — like all hugs from Eddie do.

They stay there, holding each other and Buck realizes things have changed between them but in the best way possible.

#also yeah at first i just put mr nolan and then i was gonna change it but i couldn't come up with anything so i am christopher's teacher 😌 #nolan writes #my fics #buddie fic #911 fic #911 abc #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #trans buck #buck and eddie #buck x eddie

[thr-333]

I just realized. I don't think I've seen anything about April in OaaHF. Where is she? What does she do in the resistence? How aware is she of Leon's situation?

Set while Leon is recovering from his first facial scar:

“No, no way!”

Leon groaned as the yell woke him, sound getting choked out by the bandages wrapped tight around his neck. Constricting his airway making it so he could never get a full breath, was always light headed. Although that could be the bloodloss.

“We need his portals, its not a-”

“I don’t care if it’s a transport mission, I don’t care if he’s at the very back line, you are not getting him out of that bed,”

Leon scrunched up his face so he wouldn’t have to deal with the light of day. Or the light of med bay. He wanted to go back to sleep and it wasn’t even the yelling that was stopping him. Pain flared along his face and shoulder in tandem with his heartbeat. Bandages pulled meticulously tight making every throb worse.

“It’s not an active mission, I’ve mapped out the points all Kraang will be avoided-”

“Then you do it!”

That voice, Leon knew it even past the haze pain. Probably helped that there were no painkillers available to keep him floaty. He sighed his big sisters voice was always soothing, well when she wasn’t yelling at him. Although he supposed she technically was.

“Ape’s I’m needed here,” Leo reasoned, his voice was deep and raspy. Huh Leon wondered if his voice sounded closer to it now, “I can’t up and leave the resistance without aleader for a minor mission,”

“So you admit it’s a minor mission!” April accused, Leon tried to open his eyes. The best he could make out was a couple of blurry figures until the light forced him to shut them.

“Minor but needed, lives are at stake here April,”

“His life is at stake!” Leon opened his mouth, but his throat was raw and the skin of his cheek pulled weirdly threatening to make him throw up if he tried. He tried anyway, why should be matter? “If he moves that wound, the wound you gave him is going to tear right open, he won’t survive that a second time,”

“April it was an accident, my hand slipped,” 

His future self was right of course. After all he had been the one to sacrifice his scarf to keep as much blood inside Leon’s body as possible. He had literally held Leon’s life in his hands. You didn’t do that for a person you were actually trying to kill… no matter how much it looked lik you wanted to seconds before.

That was fine. It was an accident. Leon shouldn’t have baited him.

“Bullshit, also I don’t give a crap, he’s not ready for field work!”

“The doctor cleared him,”

“Which you know they shouldn’t have!” April screeched, ugh Leon wished she wouldn’t, “Come on Leo you're a medic, just look at him!”

There was silence. Leon held still pretending to be asleep. Which was easy as he was teetering on the edge of unconsciousness. Only the jabs of pain and his sister keeping him present.

“It’s between him and them,”

“Him, everytime, my little brother should come first everytime,” Leon’s heart didn’t know if it should skip a beat or clench. It was the answer he wanted to hear- but one he was completely undeserving of.

“I can’t play favorites,”

“Plaaeesseee,” The pure amount of sarcasm poured into the tone would have shot three men dead, “Is that why Mikey’s locked up in the underground bunker within an underground bunker, deep fried and finished with magic?”

“April-”

“Or how about Donnie’s lab, which is enforced with thirty percent of our titanium stores?” Leo would have rolled his eyes if they wouldn't just keep rolling back into his head. Obviously it wasn’t a matter of favoritism, his brothers were simply more important than him, “And how me and Cassie keep getting shortlisted missions? Junior hasn’t left your side in months and you haven't left this safehold in a year? Yet guess who’s going on missions every other week?”

“It’s all a matter of circumstance,” Leo’s voice took on a cold and harsh tone, “I’m trying to keep everyone alive for the sak-”

“Everyone but Leon,” 

She called him Leon… when had he become Leon? When has he started solely thinking of himself as Leon? Why was his futureself exclusively Leo? The thoughts were to hard to capture, slipping through his hands like sand. He wasn’t sure he wanted to dwell on them anyway.

“Well sucks for you but I care about keeping him alive, even if you don’t,” 

That wasn’t fair, he cared about Leon he did, as much as he could. Leon didn’t make it easy, after… after everything he caused. He couldn’t blame his future self for being a bit weird. He cared where it counted. Leon would’ve been dead three times over now if he didn’t.

“This mission is needed-”

“I’ll go then,”

No, April

“April, No,”

“If it’s so important you need to drag him out of bed and risk reopening the slice you put in his neck then it’s important enough for I, commander O’Neil to take over,”

“You’re not who you are in the future, you’re not Commander O’Neil,”

“And I never will be if you keep coddling,” April spat, “Besides I don’t care about being a commander right now, I care about being a sister, so it’s either I take the mission or you cancel it,”

The silence stretched on. Leon grasped onto his threads of consciousness. Purposely twitching his shoulder to get the fiery pain to keep him awake. It was amazing how something could fill him with so much dread yet he still selfishly felt hope that they would go through with it. Because he was selfish, rather stay hidden away in bed in a back room of the stronghold while his big sister fronted all the danger.

“Fine,” Relief and dread, unfortunately not in equal measure, “You come back alive understand?”

“Oh darn, there go my plans,” April tossed back, a shade closer to her usual teasing tone but still tense.

Leo didn’t answer. Because he was Leo, even in Leon’s own mind. But the older turtle huffed. Leon listened to his footsteps fade as Aprils got closer. The dip in his bed bit him to open his eyes.

“Heya blue, you awake?” April’s hand gently brushed his forehead, Leon cringed as he opened his eyes, “How’re you doing?”

He couldn’t answer, not really. So he leaned into her palm. Flinching as the small movement pulled on his wound from neck to cheek. He hissed through the pain. Tight bandages around his throat feeling suffocating as he would have struggled to breath even without them.

“Sorry, sorry, just wanted to check in,” The details of Aprils face were hard to make out pain blurring them out, “I’m going away for a mission,”

“Do… t,” Leon tried to sound out, it didn’t come anywhere close, but hey look at that: His voice was raspy.

“Don’t worry about me, it’s my job to worry about you,” She pat his cheek, thumb rubbing soft circles under his eye, “Seriously, please, it’s ok to care about yourself, you should, once in a whil- actually all the time,”

Leon shook his head imperceptibly. She was wrong. He had done that, over and over again. Each time they lost so much. He couldn’t, not anymore. Why couldn’t she understand that? 

Leo understood that. He knew what it was like to sit with that guilt, that self hate. He knew how to work for others to ease that feeling even a little bit. As losses stacked everyday and crushed him under their weight.

“I bet your thinking something stupid right now,” April pinched his opposite cheek, the unscarred one that showed off his brilliant red stripe, “I wish you were better so I could beat my love into your skull, but we’ll have to save that for when I get back,”

Leon plucked up the strength to use his right arm. Greaspoing Aprils loosely. He needed to get his point across, even without words, he had to.

“I will be alright, you rest up,” April moved from his grasp to instead thread their fingers together, “I’m your big sister, I’m always going to look out for you, even if I have to do that by not being here,”

No, no that wasn’t what he meant. Leo jerked to grab her again. White hot flares shot through his shoulder. Fuck, wrong arm. Darkness clawed at the edge of his vision, plusing in time with the pain searing through him.

“You’re so………. Don’t let anyone convince you…..” April's voice faded in and out, “ We have always…….. None of this………… alright Leon?”

Leon, that was the last word he caught before his world faded to black. The last thing he heard his sister say. 

When he woke up.

She was gone.

#One and a Half Futures #oaahf #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #future leo #rise #tmnt

[dubiouslexism]

not to be a freak but i have no clue what i'm supposed to want to do for my birthday

#it's my 21st #and it's supposed to be a big deal i guess #it's a week away now #and literally all i can think is that my mom is going... #i was going to write is going to die #she already passed. she already passed. it's august second 2022 #it'll be my first year without her #she was in the hospital last year and i thought she wouldn't remember bc she was struggling with the months #kept saying it was june #and then the first thing she said was happy birthday to me #i remember. i don't know when. i can't remember when. but she said for my 21st we'd go to vegas #and play black jack in the swimming pools #i just want to wake up and this past year was an elaborate nightmare #even if i wake up and it's still august 2021 and she's still in the hospital #at least she's still here #goddamn it i made myself cry #i just feel so lost and disconnected #on the bright side i listened to mer sketiana's advice and got some allays and they. help. #somehow they help

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread

To Shape A Dragon’s Breath

YA fantasy

a young Indigenous girl finds & bonds with a dragon hatchling - the first time in many generations for her people - and is required to go to the coloniser’s dragon academy in their mainland city, to learn how to raise her dragon and the science of its magic

historical inspired setting on the cusp of industrial revolution with steampunk vibes

bi polyamorous MC, Black lesbian SC, nonverbal autistic SC

#To Shape A Dragon’s Breath #aroaessidhe 2023 reads #this is really really good i loved it! #the chapter titles are all like snippets of a story. or like sentence fragments that match up. which is cool #it is definitely more about being indigenous in a coloniser institution than Dragon School - not Super dragon heavy if you want that #I suspect the subsequent books will get into that when she gets big enough to ride and stuff #t’s also def YA! i’ve seen a few ppl assume it’s adult and be like its very young :( but like. I mean its perfectly reasonable for a 15yo m #definitely a Lot of racism and colonialism which is not fun to read! though it's still through a YA lens. there was def a part of me that #was imagining consequences of the narrative as if it were an adult novel #on that line of thought - at the end a lot of it is kind of solved by them going to the king and he's is like. oh no racism is happening? #that's bad i'll deal with those people! which felt like. a little simplistic. but maybe the easiest way to end the narrative for book 1 - #I don't think the author ACTUALLY is going to portray the king as a Good Guy throughout the series - it just felt conveniently like - #a simple YA solution to some very big and complex elements? if that makes sense? (but again - it is YA so it's allowed I suppose!) #some of the worldbuilding (like all the science learning) is probably setup for next books - we don’t really see any practical application #the romances are also subtle and not Overbearing In Book One which i like - leave some space for the series! #also her getting fanmail from a 10yo mixed race girl who looks up to her 🥺 #anyway. i really loved it! #oh also it reminded me a little of leviathan. i guess just the steampunk/time period/european culture.... #To Shape A Dragon's Breath

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#im still procrastinating so bear with me #ive just been thinking abt something. like the idea of a support system #bc as a 1st year grad student ppl around me r like: it must be hard being away from ur support system or ive left my support system when i #moved halfway across the country. and like i dont really feel that way bc idk the idea of a support system is sorta odd to me #like for me i guess it would just b my parents who i kno love me but im just so weirdly asocial that i never really talk to them #like i hardly ever text them. we talk maybe every couple months. so like i guess i theoretically have support but its a bit abstract #and like i have friends i guess but again im a bit weird and dont really feel connected to ppl so i dont feel that close to anyone #surface level friendships i guess. i dunno. i just feel weird not not having a support system but also having it b hollow #i guess i cant feel it more now. like i feel like getting diagnosed as bip0lar made my problems seem more realized to my parents #like i dunno i just assumed they knew i was doing awful most of the time but maybe that wasn't the case #its such a weird thing to b diagnosed with. like the conotations feel a lot heavier and i feel like im not supposed to talk abt it to ppl #bc theyll think im unreliable or something. like it wouldnt b that big a deal if i was just depressed but the sometimes buring out of my #skin makes me somehow scarier. and i still feel conflicted bc i do have a bip0lar mood profile but i have very very high impulse control #and even when im going high my mind is still super rational about it. which seems weird bc low impulse control is common with #the diagnosis. its also y i dont fit an 4dhd profile. not that it really matters. i fit the criteria enough to be on the bip0lar spectrum #its not like someone's gonna come yell at me for not being bip0lar enough. i just feel odd about it is all #still feels fake i guess. hard to imagine feeling any different to how i feel now. which is weirdly stable. so i guess the meds r working #sigh... ok enough i need to go to sleep at 7pm so i can get up at like 2 to finish reading a paper. for some reason my god forsaken brain #works better in the early morning rip #unrelated

[keepthetension]

i actually gave up earlier because yt was so laggy, but there was one more missing bit in part 4, prem walking to the cafe where he finds ten sleeping

i don't know why it was cut, because it's nice to see just how affected prem is by their big moment the previous night

and i like that dy is calling prem because dy needs support, but he's immediately concerned as soon as prem says he's not doing okay. i like how these pals support each other! (really wish we'd seen metha and ten giving fire the support he needed this episode, but you can't have everything i guess)

unrelated: anyone else fighting for their lives on yt lately? on firefox with adblock plus and HOLY SHIT it's SO FUCKING BUGGY and the algo recommends SO MUCH MORE unfiltered hot garbage :/

<prev ep 07 missing bit 💚

#cooking crush the series #cooking crush #cooking crush missing bits #idk i wasn't quite feeling it this week? maybe it is simply The Depression but something just felt kinda off #i think it genuinely bugs me that fire had to deal with his big feelings alone? the friend group dynamic is a big part of what i like here #like ofc it's realistic! people aren't always available! just feels unbalanced. and dy having to take care of drunk fire is kinda weak #plus so much of what made me curious about the show was the parent/child dynamics and what it means to be a Good Child #fire is very much a Good Child! but being gay does not a Good Child make! would've been nice to see him work through this with his FRIENDS #but i expected too much for a side character's storyline i suppose #not saying the show sucks ass like i'm still enjoying it and still along for the ride! #i just have some Feelings i guess #OMG ALSO ten's dad WILL slap him but won't take his phone away lollllllll like what a week for bl parenting

[freaky-flawless]

Yikes... I was a huge Pretty N' Punk Sasha defender but now that I actually have her doll...😬

People were right about her screening not matching the other girls. Which I suppose isn't a huge deal, but they could have at least given her darker make-up. And I love that they gave her curly hair, but they should have done something a little different, and made the color a bit darker. I like her outfits a whole lot, aside from the weird suspenders they put on her pants (cut those off first thing) but the silver boots are odd. Idk, all the other girls have black boots, and black suitcases, but Sasha's for some reason are different.

The worst thing, though, is that they lightened her skin tone. I did notice it in her stock photos that she looked a bit paler, but thought it was maybe just weird lighting. But nope, her skin is definitely lighter than her other dolls that have been released since the revival. Was really hoping MGA would have smartened about about that, but I suppose I was putting too much faith in them.

When I noticed that her doll was cheaper than the others, it brought me back to being a kid and seeing reduced prices on the Sasha dolls because she was less popular. But in this instance...it seems pretty justified.

#bratz #bratz dolls #bratz sasha #sasha bratz #pretty n punk #dolls #doll collecting #not mh #im disappointed to say the least #i like the web series but her skin tone looks off in that too #keep in mind that this is the first original play line doll that they've released since the come back #there's more to come im pretty sure but thats kinda a big deal...and yet they flopped #she was supposed to be in the original release back in the day but they dropped her for whatever reason #but she did have a design and people were wondering why they didnt just go for that #im curious what that would have looked like #aside from the quality i think the fact that she wasnt a reproduction is also why she was cheaper #text post #doll review #i guess #i still want jade bad #all the other girls looks are very out there and sasha's is just super tame #cloe has orange hair lol #and they all have dark lips #im def repainting her lips #they are a really pretty color tho so im gonna regret it a little bit

[holdharmonysacred]

Someone who’s an expert in Honkai and Genshin lore help me out here. I’m trying to figure out who the hell Zhongli’s counterpart in Honkai is supposed to be, because it is absolutely Buck Wild he is seemingly the odd man out when it comes to “the Genshin archons and some of their associates are wacky AU counterparts/deliberate knockoffs of some of the major characters of the Honkai cast”, and I’m getting stumped. The absolute best guess I have is that he is some kind of genderswap counterpart to Fu Hua, with his hair and earring combo resembling Fu Hua’s hairstyle + his whole thing as an extremely long-lived immortal reflecting Fu Hua’s character, but I’m having trouble convincing my friends who only play Genshin of this theory. I don’t want to think that Madame Ping is the Fu Hua counterpart because then that means they blew Fu Hua on someone who in-game is a generic NPC model, but the best other guess we’ve come up with is Guizhong, who would also be kind of a waste given that she’s a backstory character with no design. Is there anyone who knows All The Things about the literal hoyoverse lore who can help? Is this a thing, or am I being a dumb dumb here?

#honkai impact #genshin impact #i say all that fully acknowledging that they most likely blew their kallen reference on rukkhadevata #which is a massive waste because people would pay big bucks for AU kallen in genshin #but for real though like. venti is blatantly based on wendy. ei and makoto and maybe scaramouche are all based on mei. #nahida is based on the theresa and the mysterious pyro archon murata is most likely himeko #so if the cryo archon is based on bronya like everybody keeps guessing then that leaves the hydro archon and zhongli #and if the hydro archon also ends up being based on a honkai character then that REALLY leaves zhongli as the odd man out #+ miko being based on sakura of course #but like. if everybody else is based on a honkai character then what's zhongli's deal supposed to be????? #like i know everybody wants a genshin fu hua counterpart. and everyone jokes that she's MIA for genshin counterparts. #but i just have this absolute gut feeling that genshin fu hua was there all along and we just yeeted right past #either that or mihoyo will drop an AU fu hua out of nowhere and we'll have a new question of why wasn't she in the main story #given that all the honkai counterparts so far have been extremely relevant to genshin's main plot

[majormeilani]

tbh i never really understood the "oh no they started dating someone else ☹️☹️" conflicts in stories because like what if they don't work out? like especially with highschool romances and shit always do this and i can never relate because it's like girl this is a highschool romance it's not the end of the world. plus you can still just be friends with someone even if they love someone else it's literally not the end of the world. 😔

#i mean i guess heartbreak can be a big deal at a young age but idk i feel like that plot trend is over hyped #maybe it's the optimist in me too #but i suppose loving someone who doesn't love you back can be hard

[istra-ish-sucha-geek]

Question:

Do people talking about public transit cities/walkable cities walk regularly?

I was seeing some discourse started by @amtrak-official about walking cities, and then some people talking about 15-minute cities and someone said a FIVE minute access to groceries and work and everything.

I’m disabled; I have chronic pain.

I walk EVERY DAY (for the diabetes.)

After walking EVERY DAY for more than a year; I have a fairly average walking pace.

5 minutes is the end of my driveway and back. It’s like 600 steps.

Even a 15 minute walk (for me, and I’m slow-average) is barely any distance at all.

I can see how 15 minutes could work in an urban setting - especially if you stretch it a bit, since an average mile pace is about 20 minutes (although if the mile is the diameter of a circle from a central point, you’re gonna get a lot more bang for your buck, but you could also end up being 40 minutes from your desired destination if it’s on the wrong side of town).

But it’s all gonna be VERY. CLOSE. TOGETHER.

And 5 minutes is right out. RIGHT out. It’s just not enough area. Even if you’re working from home!

And if everyone is working from home, who is picking up all the garbage, and who is running maintenance on electricity, water, internet and other utilities? Plumbing?! Are manual labor jobs also getting to work 15 minutes walking from home, or do they still commute places? That’s too many people living in too small space.

And where is the PARK? And GARDEN? I can’t live without my garden.

Where is all the infrastructure like SUB stations going? Is that within 5 minutes?

Even in like Jane Austen time, walking to get places was more than 15 minutes.

Maybe I’m taking all this way to literally - I have a tendency to do that - but …

The maths ain’t mathing. Even just thinking of building footprints ALONE - what about religious communities?

And sure you can build UP, but the more people you have in 15 minutes, the more people you NEED in 15 minutes. Like say you got 20 people, maybe one doctor a nurse and an office person can deal with all their daily medical needs, but what that means you actually have 17 peeps + 3 medical professionals. Then you stuff 40 people in, but you really need 3 more medical peeps, so it’s 34+6.

What about religious spaces? What about religious spaces for different religions?

And how are we feeding this many people? Is all the food being commuted in? Or are we saving space for chickens and gardens and things?

(I May be weird for thinking of that, since I know most food in urban places IS commuted in; I just live in the country, we grow some of our own fruit and veg, and if I WANTED, I could buy eggs and milk and even all kinds of meats from farmers within about 5-8 miles.)

Saving space for chickens and gardens is going to cost space for humans and building UP cuz sunlight + fresh air.

My point is:

THERE IS NOT ENOUGH SPACE.

Transit and travel is still NEEDED.

And not everybody can WALK.

Heck some days *I* can’t walk!

Some days it’s not SAFE to walk outside because of FIRE or WEATHER or things.

I just.

Look: I really want BETTER than what we have. WhT we have is garbágê. But it’s not gonna get better unless we sit down and figure out how to DO IT *with* each other.

And I’m just a middle aged, disabled white lady who lives in the country with four cats, a dog, a hobbit, a 20x20 foot garden while their sibling does horse archery on three acres (animals need a lot of room. Do country places and animals just not exist in this walkable utopia?).

#and where are we getting water from #water is a big deal #I mean not in the PNW Willamette valley #there’s water everywhere #BUT OTHER PLACES #Is there water every 15 minutes #I just #I have questions #maybe this is supposed to be a nice dream #and I’m ruining it by saying but how #but I guess I kind of think nice dreams are supposed to become reality #and you get there by asking how

[weirdlizard26]

so bizarre to me that my love language is apparently recording music for people. how did this even happen

#wl26 #<- little weirdo #SORRY I LIKE MUSIC AND THE ACT OF SHARING IT!!!!!!!!!! #i feel rly guilty abt it sometimes bc it feels so selfish. like hi i made art and im showing it to you so you can look at or listen to it #and you might not like it but i made it for you specifically because its related to something you enjoy #but its not actually the thing you enjoy. its just something that i made about it because i also enjoy it #and im scared the ways we enjoy it are completely different which means youre gonna hate the thing i made #but i will show it to you anyways because i love you and its the only way i know to say it #n a couple of time ive wanted to write a song for someone and gotten so excited about it and then had the horrible realization that #this is so. so oddly specific to me and this is just something i do out of love for friends #and it really isnt any bigger of a deal than any other handmade gift #and i think it can easily qualify as a handmade gift even though it doesnt involve making anything with hands #except for sounds i suppose #but yeah its just something i do. but. outside of my tiny little world. writing a song for someone might seem like such a huge gesture #and i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable or have the wrong idea about me or think that im doing a big thing to get something in return #and idk why im so scared of that like ive never been in a situation where people misunderstood me like that #but i guess. the very concept of being misunderstood is so painful to me gdfkgjd #this wasnt supposed to turn into a big post sorry. just want a normal brain that doesnt make me feel guilty abt everything please #wouldnt that be so nice #this isnt rly abt anything btw i was just going through my music folder. listening to my stuff from 2018 #5 years... god

[xamaxenta]

It’s difficult to not feel discouraged sometimes when your partner is also an artist and happens to be faster than you in every conceivable way

This doesn’t bother me often because everyone is different and comparing production time and skill against each other or anyone is detrimental mostly and its ok to have your own workflow

but it does weigh on me vaguely sometimes sometimes that she can finish 2-3 full coloured pieces within a week and ive been painfully scratching out the same number but theyre only sketches that ill never revisit within a month

None of this actually matters in the long run, it just makes me feel bad on occasion

#like i should be doing more #im very sorry for complaining so much online #i just dont really have any other way to express myself #i know some of you have generously and kindly reached out to me to offer an ear #but my fatal flaw is i cant talk to anyone about my problems i just idk it was beaten into me that none of it matter #matters or my problems arent a big deal and i know ots healthy to think actuallt my problems are worth talking about or a big deal #but its hard to change a behaviour that was kinda literally beaten jnto you that talking about stuff likw this is a waste of time #i guess i just feel bad that i could do more and i dont because i dont want to #but i also want to if that makes any sense at all #i suppose it also doesnt help that alot of the work im doing right now i actually sorta hate like none of it is good to me personally #i want to stop being toxic towards myself #i just wanna stop hating me and who i am and what i do every step of the way #but that mean little voice inside me is like ahh. it wont shut up #I always say i need a break or more time but what am i gonna do with it #doing nothing at all isnt fulfilling #it sounds. sad like what teenager me did and i dont want to be or feel like that ever again but its fuckjng hard #this is so woe is me #im a liar bc i say the main text doesnt bother me but it bothers me alot im very envious of her speed prolificness and drive to create #and i have none like thats so unfair #this makes me sound ultra bitter god fucking damn it #i want to go to sleep and genuinely never fucking wake up again #please im done i just dont want to

[haaam-guuuurl]

#stranger things #lumax #byler #mileven #will byers #mike wheeler #lucas sinclair #max mayfield #el hopper #stranger things 4 #stranger things s4 #stranger things season 4 #stranger things spoilers #i guess? #i'm glad l/m are finally getting the screen time they deserve #and that there's finally any w/m content at all #but come on??? #aren't m/e supposed to be the main ship?? 😂 #i know there were couples maybe better suited #like s/n or h/j that were the BIG DEAL this season #but this is just focusing on the kids #my posts

[catboyfurina]

my early childhood education class is really driving home the developmental in developmental disability.... like i knew thats what adhd is classified as but they just keep dropping skill after skill that are standard for Small Children that i do not have D:

#attention span. is of course the one that is most noted but even like #theres that one adhd sway thing and i was like huh i do that guess theres another data point. not a big deal though it doesnt cause any iss #es #right. well. apparently one of the skills youre supposed to get is spatial awareness. and it specifically mentioned going around things #which technically ! i do but also sometimes. quite often even #i do not manage fully around. meanwhile its expected for Small Children to get able to do that. huh what HUH #beeep #like again not getting fully around isnt a Big deal i just get caught on doors and then uncatch myself its not Disabling like other aspects #and if i hadnt seen the youtube (the youtube referencing a study not just a youtube) #i wouldve kept on assuming its just a itty bitty side effect of weird eye #but like......... man. in nearly every area i was like wow i suck at this one wow i suck at this one w #its a good thing im an adult algebra is much easier than counting to one hundred . u can write it down and when u lose your place u just #look at the paper #although i havent gotten algebra in a while i miss it............ but i could go do algebra. if i had time. and thats what is nice #anywayyyyyyy ahaha

[allthatdivides]

whole dash in shambles cause its the night before valentines day and were all fucking gay as shit and lonely meanwhile im having a regular night because i just flat out refuse to remember valentines exists and is important to people

#i have never had a ''proper'' valentines day #i have had a valentine. once? twice? never been on a vday date i think the most i ever got for valentines day was a cute card #from my then-gf in like middle school #and then you know like my mom never celebrated valentines cause she was in a fucked up relationship and idk. its never been a big deal for #me i guess. its just like an aw :/ wish i was getting loved right now :/ and then i move on cause what the hell ELSE am i supposed to do #woag accidental life story in the tags !

[colognedecigarette]

welp. it's official: can't talk to either of me parents about issues pertaining to my identity. 🥲

#personal #me mum has more of a what i'd call ''defeatist outlook'' #which basically is just ''well that's just how the world works. no can do except to just take it as it is'' #like she doesn't see society as a construct and thus something that not only can we change but also we MUST change for the better #whereas me dad has more of a ''fuck em all!!'' stance #where he's like ''who gives a shit what anyone else think! live your truth to the fullest!!'' without understanding how fucking scary it is #like me mum understands the fear she just. surrenders to it i guess #while me dad doesn't seem to understand that at all and can't comprehend why i wouldn't do it #don't get me wrong i still love them both terribly and they're both very very supportive and accepting of me #without making a big deal out of it. which is already more than i can ask for #but they don't *get* it. both of them just have fundamentally different views of how the world works/how it's supposed to work than i do #i don't like fighting and even less so with my parents so i guess i'll just. have to find other people to talk to. #which is sad but. that's how it goes sometimes i guess.