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nerdyadoptee · 1 year

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Mask of the Rose: The NerdyAdoptee Review

PUBLISH DATE: June 8, 2023 PLATFORMS: Windows, macOS, SteamOS, Linux, Nintendo Switch (launch); PS4, PS5, Xbox One, Xbox Series X/S (unspecified later, post-launch)

This is the game I've been waiting for.

Mask of the Rose is a visual novel from UK-based Failbetter Games, developers of Sunless Skies, Sunless Sea, and Fallen London. I've long followed Failbetter's work because of their commitment to worldbuilding. All of their games share a common universe, an alternate Victorian vision of the 19th century world, with generous helpings of the unexplained, the supernatural, and even dashes of Cthulhu-esque cosmic horror. London has sunk underground, and the residents of London have lost contact with the surface. In this dark world (nicknamed "the Neath"), we encounter things that are familiar (the Queen is still around, although she's become curiously reclusive) along with the less familiar (what exactly are the "Clay Men?").

This world has been built by Failbetter over three games and thirteen years, but Mask of the Rose doesn’t require any previous knowledge or experience with their games. A character creator allows you to choose your character's background, silhouetted portrait, and how others address your character, from "Captain" to "My Lady" to "Citizen." In addition to the gender inclusivity of the character creator, it's wonderful to see Failbetter give the player the option to specify the kind of romance they're looking for in this visual novel. You can pursue friendships only, seek romantic relationships, physical relationships, or both--and choosing any of those options doesn't prevent you from seeing certain endings or lore, it just gives the player agency in this quite personal choice.

From there, we're introduced to the world and its wide and diverse cast of characters. Going into almost any detail risks ruining the discovery that is such a beautiful part of Mask of the Rose, but I'll at least say that the characters in Mask of the Rose feel complex and unique, each with their own voice and desires. The gameplay loop revolves around choosing how to spend your time--like with other time-management-style games, you can't have conversations with everyone. In each conversation, you're making dialogue choices that have an impact on the people you speak with and on the character you're building over time. The choices are well-written, and show an insight into the complexity of conversation and tone that is often missing from less thoughtful visual novels.

Each day in Mask of the Rose is split up into a Morning and Afternoon time, adding weight and stakes to each playthrough: do I try to get the exhausted pastor to spend more time with a mutual friend, or do I cozy up to the streetwise merchant who seems to know what's going on behind the scenes? More importantly, WHOM DO I WANT TO SMOOCH?

Ahem. Excuse me.

Mask of the Rose has so much story to uncover that one playthrough isn't sufficient. You're trying to solve a mystery, you're trying to uncover more about London's peculiar new surroundings, and you're trying to matchmake your friends, and you might be looking for romance for yourself. A playthrough generally takes me about 3-4 hours, and although I've done multiple playthroughs, there's still more to discover. I'm excited to learn more about each one of the fascinating characters, and I'm further drawn in because Mask of the Rose weaves a tale that touches upon so many elements of 19th century English society, from British global imperialism and colonialism to class struggles and privilege.

While I love the writing and Mask of the Rose's visual novel gameplay (and unique "storycrafting" mechanic/minigame, which is another gameplay pillar), I did run into a few frustrations. I would've appreciated an option to fast-forward text I've already seen. Mask of the Rose helpfully provides a fast-forward option, but it's too easy to accidentally skip past new dialogue and lore. In a game that demands multiple playthroughs, a smarter fast-forwarding option is a really unfortunate omission. I also felt like the time management aspect felt very constraining; it could be my own lack of intuition and understanding, but I sometimes found progression dense or unforgiving. The subtlety of Mask of the Rose is a strength, so I’d love if hints or some kind of help could be an option that players choose to turn on. More days and levels of signposting to clues would go a long way to making me even more excited about future playthroughs.

Overall, I'm smitten by Mask of the Rose. It's the game I've been waiting for because I've wanted to explore this world for a long time, but have struggled with the gameplay and difficulty of Sunless Sea and Sunless Skies. If you share a love for evocative writing and thoughtful worldbuilding, you've got to get Mask of the Rose.

Be sure to tell me whom you smooch!

#review #spoiler free #video games #gaming #failbetter games #mask of the rose #fallen london #sunless skies #sunless sea #romance #visual novel #pc games #pc gaming #xbox #ps4 #ps5 #switch #nintendo switch

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nezu-mi · 3 months

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So today marks the 1 year since the tragic train collision in Tempi, Greece that caused the loss of 57 people, mostly students in their 20s. I never see stuff about my country on my dash so I thought I'd give a quick run down for the sake of it. I don't write such things often so I'll try to keep it short and informative.

Two trains collided and subsequently exploded on this day at Tempi, a location notorious for other mass casualty accidents. I don't know which international source to look to, the language barrier is big and we're the country with lowest ranking in the freedom of press index in Europe [x]. The reason for this collision that killed at least 57 people was that although the railway was equipped with automatic controls, the switching and signaling was done manually and a lack of communication led to the lines not switching, causing a head on collision to occur. They tried to point it on human error, that the stationmaster who had only been working there for a month was unqualified for the job, which may be true but also serves as a great way to absolve of any fault the higher-ups who were aware of the lack of safety in the railways, as evidenced by later investigation showing multiple warnings sent to the respective officials from the train drivers' official body.

The victims' families were understandably not satisfied by the official investigation and decided to file a criminal lawsuit against the Prime Minister and other politicians connected to the crime. I believed they also organized an investigation of their own.

Now I don't watch the news because they don't help my depression and knowing you're being lied to is also not a positive thing. Evidence has been lost, they poured concrete over the site of the accident and built a church on it, they took so much time to find the black box that it was unusable by the time they recovered it, the church is calling for the families to "mourn silently" if they want to honor the memory of their lost ones. The former Minister of Infrastructure and Transport happens to be from my hometown. Embarrassingly in the elections that followed the "accident" this same town re-elected him. I don't even wanna get into this.

I don't have much to say, I just wanted to spread some awareness around, it's the least I can do. As a side note, I don't know what kind of tourism propaganda our government serves outside of the borders but please don't believe them. Don't come to Greece, it's not the Mediterranean paradise you see in pics.

Thank you if you read this.

#i didnt want to get into details im mostly writing from memory #but if you need sources i can provide some #long #tempi train crash #τέμπη

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silverott-chevalier · 8 months

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So at the behest of a couple of friends, I've made this thing for what it's worth.

My name is Cooper Chevalier, and let's just get this out of the way now-- yes, I am, in fact, a Samurott. If you've heard about a Pokemon becoming a Trainer somewhere in the Johto region, that would be me. If you're wondering how or why this is even possible, then I guess I don't mind answering questions, but for now just know that the League had to make a few accommodations for me when I was first starting out and I've managed to take that all the way to the top and become one of the region's champions. Lance is still the guy running the Indigo Plateau, though--I mostly get called on to resolve issues in Kanto-Johto that he'd normally need to step away for. It's a nice little arrangement.

Anyway. I was convinced to make this by a friend in Galar, so I'm hoping this place is as good as they've made it out to be.

I'm also hoping that not having a Rotom won't bite me on the tail later... how the heck did those things become mainstream anyway--

EDIT: Saw a lot of people putting their Pokemon on these, too, and I'm finally sitting down and doing it. I could probably tell you about Shia and Pallas while I'm here but this should show up in the post they reblogged too so I can be lazy.

Anyway, here's my five mainstays-- they've been with me since near the start of my journey.

Mason (Gengar, M): Kind of a shy fella, but he's really loyal. Easily the partner I trust the most, and though I'm a bit sad to admit it, he's definitely gotten me out of a lot of sticky scenarios the painful way... I've been a lot more careful not to let that sort of thing happen since.

Sypha (Ampharos, F): Serious to a fault and speaks to the point. Proud of her power, but aware of her limits, though that doesn't mean she can't throw a mean Thunderbolt.

Juste (Togekiss, M): I raised him from an egg, and he's easily the most optimistic member of my team. He's also my ride around the two regions, usually, so props to him for carrying around a ~220 lb Samurott through the sky, ehehe...

Nora (Umbreon, F): Strong and steadfast, and fiercely devoted to her friends. She's usually serious, but she's got her playful side. Took a bit to warm up to me, though.

Katsuko (Dragonite, F): Hilariously, though I doubt she played any part in her upbringing, Katsuko is like if you took Clair's competitive spirit and put it in a dragon. Most eager to fight out of everyone, and was easily my second ace once she fully evolved.

Feel free to ask about them--I can ask them questions on your behalf if you want me to.

-- OOC BENEATH THE READMORE --

Hey! This is a rotomblr I made using my pokesona after a friend of mine held me at rotarypoint convinced me to try making one. I'm pretty new to this stuff in general, but we'll see how this pans out in the end. I'll be figuring things out as I go for the most part. I'll probably just label my ooc stuff with (ooc) or something of the like. Lemme know if you have any tips, tricks, or whatever that you'd like to share! I'll probably follow you from @kupkastdashboard since I don't have the patience to manually switch over to Cooper's dash anytime I wanna like or rb something--

Also! Any ask memes I rb are technically open forever, since I don't think they deserve to happen just once and then never again. Just be sure to post the question associated with whatever you're referencing so I know what I'm answering! Links to my specific RBs of my favorites are below. I've answered some of these with Cooper, but with Pallas and Shia on the board, they're also open to be asked things. Just specify who you're looking for, otherwise I'll default to Cooper being the subject or pick one of my muses at random if he's already answered something.

Pelipper Mail! (Malice Coming Soon)

Memory Meme (#cooper's memories)

Legendary/Mythical

Thought Bubbles (#cooper's thoughts)

Fossil Ask Game

Headcanon Asks (Answered OOC)

Major Arcana Reversed

Muse In The News

Posts that look directly into Cooper's headspace at any given moment are labeled [#cooper's thoughts], and posts that describe a memory of his that's already happened will be labeled [#cooper's memories]. Neither of these are canonically posted by him, so keep that in mind if you want to make reference to them or leverage them for better or worse!

#rotomblr #pokeblogging intro #pokeblog rp #pokemon irl #pokeblogging #dear arceus i hope these tags are right

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theinkbunny · 1 month

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hi inky!! i hope you're doing well!

it's unbelievably sucky that you keep getting nsfw content when you don't want it on your dash :(((

in case you haven't already, you can go to settings (settings themselves, not blog settings- i tend to mix them up lol), then scroll down until you reach this:

turning on the "hide [...]" switches could prevent at least some of it from appearing! you can also block any nsfw blogs that show up to stop them being on your dash again :D

i looked up the tumblr community guidelines & they say this about explicit material:

so while it is allowed here, it's also supposed to be properly labelled to prevent you seeing it when you don't want to! i'm pretty sure you can report it if it isn't, but i'm not entirely sure on that one :']

if the anons keep bothering you, it might be best to turn off anonymous asks altogether. i know they're lots of fun when they're with friends & generally nice people, but you also really shouldn't have to deal with perverts harassing you >:[

if you do decide to turn off anon asks, i'd be happy to receive (& filter through) any anonymous asks directed at you about the cookies/fandom things/lilarky on my blog instead! i just want to make sure you're doing alright and none of this is affecting you too much <33

you deserve better, and i'm rooting for you all the way!! i hope this has been at least a little help rather than me just parroting things you already know hjdhkgf. i hope you have a lovely day/night!!!

heya hun. Sadly I’ve done all of those that I can and every other possible thing but a lot of times it’s either anons sending them in, or untagged porn

like earlier today, because I follow the Captain Caviar cookie tag because he’s my fav, I got fuckin nsfw head canons of him untagged

#That was a wonderful way to wake up /sar

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softquietsteadylove · 1 year

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Hi! Had an idea for the actor AU!

Thena got curious what kind of a training he does when he goes to the gym so she decided to ask him if she can come with him.

Maybe you can do some fluff and cute stuff? Like Gil showing her a few things and comes very close? And of course a bit of a little thirst for Thena, I mean those muscles duh!👀

It just came to my mind maybe you can write something nice wit this prompt? :)

"Uh," Thena looked around, her ponytail swinging, looped through the back of the hat on her head. "Wow."

She knew that Gil went to one of the pretty hardcore gyms for people in show business. Of course there were still different levels of practice, and everyone was welcome. But she recognised several action stars just from their backs as they carried on with their own workouts.

"It's okay," he chuckled, nodding his head for her to follow him in.

She was the one who had asked to tag along to his gym for his usual workout. She was considering changing gyms and personal trainers herself, since she - since working more and more with Gil - was apparently just...becoming someone expected to do stuntwork. And she enjoyed it, really. But if it didn't include Gil, she wouldn't be signing on for it for fun.

"Today's an off day, so my usual trainer isn't actually here," Gil said gently as he led them to an end of the weight racks reasonably far away from everyone. "I was just going to come and do some light lifting and maybe a little boxing work done."

Thena nodded, feeling sheepish surrounded by people all with a certain level of ferocity to them. They were all either training for something particular or just had a certain physique in need of maintenance.

"What do you usually do for your workouts?" Gil asked as he grabbed some weights for her first.

"Nothing like this," she murmured, still self-conscious as she pulled off her hat and accepted the weights from him. "It's more some light weights, leg stuff. Probably more cardio, than anything."

Gil just nodded, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable about anything. Not that it would be possible for him. "That's a good routine to have."

Thena eyed him as he picked up his own weights--massive things that looked like she would have to two-hand them. His arms rippled as he picked them up. She dashed her eyes away, feeling silly for it. "I-I'm sure my usual stuff would be like a warm up for you."

"That's not true," he refuted, even as he started bicep curling with the massive weights in his hands. "We all have our own stuff. I'm terrible at cardio. You should see me when I get in the ring--I'm huffing and puffing, covered in sweat, it's not pretty."

Thena kept quiet about whether she thought that would be true or not. Maybe pretty wasn't the word, but she certainly thought it would be sexy...

Gil blew out a breath taking a break between his sets. He looked at her, easily lifting the weights he had given her. "Maybe you need heavier ones."

"Oh, no thank you," Thena laughed immediately, but Gil set his weights down with a shake of his head.

"No, really," he retrieved the next weight up. "You barely look like you're lifting anything. I know you don't want anything too hard, but there's such a thing as too easy, too."

Thena pouted at him as he exchanged her nice and light weights with slightly heavier ones. "But I like easy."

He chuckled, easily depositing her other ones on the rack before picking up his own again. Again, his muscles undulated under his skin from the movement. And again, Thena caught herself staring before forcing herself to look away. "Indulge me."

Oh, she was indulging, all right. Thena's eyes kept drifting over to Gil as he lifted beside her, focusing on himself and his movements, not imposing any need for conversation between them. He knew what he was doing. His arms looked massive as they moved, and as he switched movements with them, she could catch the ripple of his muscles in his chest under his shirt, in his shoulders, his back-

"Thena?"

"Hm?" she blinked, feeling herself blush. She had been caught staring, again (the evidence of her ogling him on the red carpet was bad enough).

"What training did you do when you were in that ballet movie?"

"Oh," she blinked. It had been a long time ago, fairly early on in her career. It was her first big dramatic role, and she had taken it quite seriously. She didn't think Gil had seen it. "I remember that. The training was fairly gruelling, as I recall. I went to an actual ballet academy for their expertise. They let me train with them to the extent I was able in the few months I had before we began filming."

"Hey, ballet is no joke," Gil grinned at her, some sweat starting to collect on his brow. He wore it well. "Dancing requires a lot of muscle, and even more control over them. I know better than to try and keep up with them."

"I know the feeling," Thena smiled, taking a break in her own lifting. "Trying to keep up with even the rudimentary practise they constructed for me was exhausting. I kept that in mind at all times when we were filming and I was allowed to take breaks as often as I pleased."

"It was a great movie, though," he smiled at her, and again, she felt herself blush.

"When did you have time to unearth that old thing?" she asked with a laugh in hopes of downplaying her fluster.

"Actually, it's one of the first movies of yours I saw," Gil confessed more quietly. He also set down his weights for it, swiping at his brow with a towel sitting out of his bag. "I can't remember how I came across it, but I saw it before I really knew who you were and stuff. I've always really liked it."

Thena smiled down at the ground as she set her weights aside as well. "I have fond memories of it. I still consider it my big break, of sorts."

"You got an award for it right?"

"A few," she admitted, although with a faint glow of pride to her as she said it. "Guild, the choice award, and even a globe."

"That's pretty damn impressive for your first big break," Gil chuckled, guiding them away from the handheld weights and towards the equipment. "I remember rooting for you for the globe. You wore that fancy black dress-"

"Stop it," she gave his chest a pat with the back of her hand.

"Fine," he accepted the friendly nudge with a laugh, patting the small of her back in a similar gesture. "What first?--rower or deadlifts?"

"Stairmaster," Thena responded cut and dry, already moving to the equipment that didn't require anything of her arms (already tired).

"What happened to wanting to see my routine in action?" Gil chuckled as he took up one of the machines directly across from her, able to talk to her without really having to shout.

"I can see you just fine," Thena huffed, starting her usual - agonising - climbing routine and shaking her head, letting her ponytail bounce behind her.

"I guess so," Gil raised a brow at her. She returned the expression playfully.

Thena nearly tripped on a step as Gil pulled up the bottom of his loose workout clothes to swipe at the sweat on his face. She stared down at her feet, attempting to banish the thought of his rock solid barrel chest and the hair around his bellybutton from her mind.

Gil happily turned his focus to his own workout, staring ahead of him and definitely not at the sway of her hips, or her legs in her skintight yogapants, or even the way her seductive little shoulders swayed with every step.

Just two people enjoying a casual, platonic workout together.

#Thenamesh Actors AU #but also idiots in love #because jesus these two are thirsty #I was saying earlier that I've gotten a lot of requests for Gil thirst traps #because someone has a big crush on him which I think is cute #and listen #Thena also likes Gil thirst traps and has a big crush on him and thinks he's cute #so like #can you tell I've never been to a gym in my life?#I should don't get me wrong #I'm getting to that age #anyway these two barely make it out of this alive #Thena little miss checking out her coworker platonically here #and poor Gil #sweet cinnamon roll GIl #Gilgamesh mister don't think ungentlemanly things about your costar #definitely don't think about making out all hot and sweaty #Thena don't think about jumping him while those arms of his are trembling after a workout #Gil don't think about picking her up and taking her up against the windows #y'know #normal things to have to tell yourself at the gym

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kalmeria · 11 months

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hey kori! how's your cold? are you feeling any better?

soo if you're in the mood to answer... what about 4, 5, 11, 14 and 21 from the enstars asks? sorry for asking so many, but i'm curious, haha ^^'

hello!! i’m feeling better, thank you for asking. still a bit sick but the brain fog is mostly gone at least~

answering these is fun so i might ramble on a bit haha

okay i ended up talking a lot a lot. so much that i’m putting a readmore here lmao

link to the secret codes that enable me to ramble about ensemble stars (aka the ask game)

4. what got you into enstars?

short answer is: wanted to play a new rhythm game!

long answer (i have a whole timeline lmaoo): my first encounter with enstars was watching the first episode of the anime when it came out (summer 2019). but honestly i didn’t enjoy it. the fact that anzu, who is such a central character, felt like a prop the others talked at… it was weird! i get that it’s because of her being the player character so to speak, but it still bothers me, and i find stories where she shows up a lot difficult to read.

fast forward to early 2021 when i followed a person on here who later turned out to be a big enstarrie. through them i was exposed to some wataei edits that made me go “wait this is gay?” but i mostly tuned it out as stuff on my dash i’m not that interested in. one mention of vampires did get my attention, and i ended up reading the tv tropes pages for a bunch of characters? the oddballs, valkyrie, switch, alkaloid. i could not understand what this “war” thing was.

then last autumn i got tired of the power creep in starira, my previous gacha game, and decided to try bandori garupa. found out i really enjoy rhythm games, so then i started playing d4dj and project sekai as well.

and then, around new years i think, i was sick and lying in bed, and ran into some enstars music related videos. notably one that was rating different rhythm games. and then there was a video of a bandori fan playing enstars for the first time that really sold it to me because of the shared point of reference.

i was still fighting my curiosity because enstars fans scared me, and i knew the immense amount of lore could easily suck me in and i didn’t really want that. so i decided to just watch the anime and see what the whole deal is… and then i did binge the whole thing and soon after downloaded the game (there was a minor setback of figuring out how to get an app that isn’t available in my region). i read the main story in like a week in february, and now i’m here!

(btw enstars replaced bandori in my mobile gaming, which i had kind of lost interest in at that time, and had just had the worst gacha luck trying to get a 4* moca card)

tl;dr (which is totally fair): wanted a new rhythm game to play, have heard about enstars and seen people be really into it, watched the anime -> it captured my interest

5. what's your favorite headcanon about the character you produce?

umm well this is not a fun one but it’s kind of an important one to me. i see tatsumi as someone who has dealt with being suicidal in the past, especially during his hiatus after the reimei incident, but before that as well. i think he processed it through his faith and through devoting himself to others, but it is also wrapped up in feelings of guilt about not respecting the value of a human life (his own) properly.

11. do you have a least favorite character?

i don’t really actively dislike any of the idols. the ones i like less than others are the ones i don’t really know well because i haven’t really read their stories. either because they didn’t manage to capture my interest, or in the aois case, i’ve just found that a lot of the ways identity and self comes up in their stories makes me uncomfortable, so i kind of don’t like reading them.

but i love seeing people who love these characters i’m not too focused on talk about them and why they love them. it’s really nice how everyone has their devoted fans!

that said, no one has managed to make me care about the two teachers.

14. what card are you currently saving for?

funny story!!!!!! (it’s not)

i am. saving for getto spectacle tatsumi.

and fs1 kohaku.

which will happen at the same time.

(pained smile) i know there is months to go until then, but in the meantime we’ll have fs mayoi, aira and hiiro, as well as ibara event scout. so i will have to make some decisions. oh and ariadne is right around the corner too….)

21. do you have a favorite story?

well. obbligato might be an obvious answer. and it is very high up there.

but i think in general i prefer the shorter stories? because the pacing of the long ones can be absolutely all over the place!

i quite like princess kaguya and ariadne. they do both have that typical enstars thing of having a central conflict that gets dragged out for quite a while and then very suddenly solved in a previously unforeseeable manner. but i’m giving these a free pass for having that conflict be interesting, as well as the character dynamics they explore.

oh and shoutouts to feather touch! i hadn’t considered it before as a favorite but as i was thinking about this question i realized that it’s a pretty solid story.

and i do just really love reading idol stories! they have a lot of fun casual interactions in them! (jun kohaku hiyori teatime, rinne praying to kanata, the runrun calamity, the ones where tatsumi and koga hang out, hiyori giving idol advice to kohaku, etc!)

#slow answer was originally bc i needed to make lunch #then it ended up because of the sheer length of this thing (i am very slow when it comes to writing/reading)#thank you for the ask and sorry about my rambling #i enjoyed answering :3 #asks #umilily #im too tired to read this back now #i could give you a tag of you are okay with that #ive been doing name + an emoji #lily🌊

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yellowpuppet · 11 months

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18+ .Indie . Mutuals Only. Yellow Guy of Don't Hug Me I'm Scared by S𝔞v𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔯 . Established 19th of October 2022

Highly Selective & can be gorey . Non-shippable . Crossover & OC friendly

Includes all cannon verses & non-cannon verses; Webseries, Pilot, TV Show.

Low battery & charged battery variants of Yellow Guy

Other blogs include: @funbonded & @moralpuppet

★ / affiliated with: @peskyduck

🌈 carrd . promo . ❣ ⋆

MINI BIO / go to my carrd for more. / verses etc. tw death mention

Doi is an ageless, yellow puppet. They are one of those guys with one of themselves. Switching between themselves depending on the condition of their batteries. For the most part their batteries are run low and it hurts to think. In that case they are more willing to go along with the lesson of the day despite the torturous outcome.

The other them is the one that runs on charged batteries. They are more aware of the horrors tm. It's easier to think like this and they are curious about the nature of their reality, to the point of beginning to question it. Unbeknownst to Doi they are very similar to a son of a higher power that was tragically struck down by his own mother in a car accident. Doi only merely represents said son but it may be the reason for their never ending nightmare of an existence. Perhaps they truly have borrowed his soul, leading them to be closer to his likeness while fully charged.

DASH RULES check my carrd for more information

One. General Roleplay etiquette applies, be respectful & don't even think about interacting me if you're a proshipper, terf, or racist. Please note you have to be 18+ to interact with any of my blogs mostly do to gore. & no I do not RP smut.

I don't always get things right but I will always try to be the best I can be.

Two. DNI I don't engage with people who practise unsavoury behaviour such as proshipping/pedophilia/ or you are a terf/ableist/racist or you show any kind of hate to anyone like that . If you see me interacting with someone unsavoury likely I haven't been informed yet and shall deal with it accordingly as soon as I am informed. I don't support anyone who does any of that nasty behavior and I never will and if you know you engage in such behaviors then please refrain from interacting with me. You're not welcome.

Three. FOLLOWING. I'm selective. If I haven't followed back please don't take it personally. If we are mutuals and you decide to unfollow then soft block please otherwise I will see you on my Dash and still think we are mutuals and I don't really want to have to browse a list of followers to check every time I go to interact.

Four. VARIANTS I don't mind variants or to word it better people who play the same character as me JUST DON'T STEAL MY HEADCANNONS.Five. TRIGGERS Warnings for you: This blog can be very gorey I also require you to be 18+ for this reason. Please do not follow if you're a minor. Gore , Death, Cannibalism

Six. SHIPPING I do not ship with Doi and I most certainly don't write smut here.

#⋆ ★ punish land . ooc #/ pinned post.

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zachsgamejournal · 2 years

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PLAYING: Omno

More like "Um-no" - Just Kidding! (Kinda). It's my kind of game, but feels like an un-optimized student game. Mostly that's felt in the framerate which is interfering with my ability to enjoy this simple, but charming game.

Nearly 2 years ago I looked up a list of highly rated indie adventure games. Omno was on that list, and for good reasons too. I'm finally getting around to play it and I'm having mixed feelings.

Graphically

I like the low-poly art style. The game is blocky and proud of it. But while each object is lowpoly, there's a lot objects in the environment. The characters and creatures have many more polygons. Closer to PS2+ level. And while AER also had high(er)-poly characters, these characters are "smoothed" over so the edges don't show. I prefer this. It's still low poly, but not distracting. The animations are really good, especially during gameplay--it feels very smooth and natural. While they went for low poly models, they did not skimp on animating them.

But there's a bad to this. While the game is lowpoly, there's volumetric fog, god-rays, and some other advanced lighting techniques. And unfortunately, the game doesn't seem to be optimized. My computer isn't great, but it handles Sea of Thieves better than Xbox One--so it should be able to handle this? It's like they flipped "make pretty" light switches but didn't do the work to keep performance consistent. At one point, I dropped my graphic settings with minimal effect. So I turned them back up. A few minutes later, the game suddenly started running at full speed again. No idea why.

Gameplay & Level Design

The gameplay is simple (no fighting...so far), move, jump, climb ledges, and interact with your magic pole. The magic staff you carry seems to interact on context. Frustratingly, some of the interaction has an animation attached: examples--activating a switch is a 3 second animation and moving a box involves a 3 second animation--no constant movement. It looks beautiful, but it takes up time I could just be playing.

So far I've unlocked two skills: dash and fly. Neat.

The level design reminds me of PS1. It starts off small, compacted, and simple. Then the areas get bigger and more challenging. It's not so bad. But I wonder if the larger levels are causing performance issues.

I've played this before...

The game most reminds me of Journey. It's a quiet game with a character on an unknown pilgrimage. There's also soft, ethereal music, and they want you to feel like you're in a beautiful place as much as challenge you. There's actually this flying stick move that is introduced during a sequence you have to travel down a long canyon. This is totally Journey!

It's not a bad game to rip from--but I don't feel it's really adding to it. Not a terrible thing, but you know...

Story

There's not much of a story. I keep finding these notes and it suggests there was a cataclysmic event and these pilgrims (whose footsteps were following) led people to a safe space. Pretty bare bounces and simple. I wasn't expecting anything great, but I'm almost offended. This is too generic. We'll see if it gets better.

#Zach's Game Journal #PLAYING #Omno #PC #Steam #Video Games #Gaming

0 notes

rahleeyah · 2 years

Note

I always loved fandom. I joined Twitter because I wanted to share my excitement and talk about the show (svu/OC) in depth. Now I'm really disheartened by the bullying going on between the fans (especially in the same fraction). I wanted to try Tumblr but it's so much harder to connect with people. Do you have any tips?

I'm sorry that Twitter got you down and I'm really glad you asked bc I think you're not the only person who's just come to Tumblr for the first time and Tumblr is a little different so I can see it being difficult to get started, esp coming from Twitter. I'm gonna start at the beginning and make like a primer, you have probably already done some of these things but I'm gonna throw it out there for everybody.

The first thing you're gonna wanna do is make sure you have your blog set up. Have a pfp, have a blog title and some description - doesn't have to be a description of you, could be a quote you like or anything, just put something in there so it's not completely blank. A lot of old timers will block a blank blog automatically bc it looks like spam.

Once your blog is set up, go to settings, dashboard preferences, and turn off best stuff first. When this is turned off, the posts from blogs you follow will appear on your dashboard in chronological order. When it's on, they'll appear according to how many notes they have, and you'll miss posts and no one wants that. Once you've been around for a while you may want to turn off "in your orbit" and "based on your likes" bc those add suggested posts to your dash, not necessarily from people you follow, but that may be helpful in the beginning. While you're in there make sure you have asks turned on so people can send you messages.

Once you've done that, go reblog some things. On Twitter if you like a post it gets pushed to your followers, and likes boost a post and put it in front of more eyeballs. Here likes don't do that. They add to notes, but note counts only matter for the features I just mentioned, and most people have them turned off. Reblog is the way to go.

To find things to reblog, go to the tags, and look for stuff you like. Search the svu tag, but search the characters too. Search Elliot Stabler, Olivia Benson. Search svuedit. Tags automatically appear in order based on note count, you can switch that to "most recent" so you can see everything.

When you reblog, add tags of your own! If you reblog a post and tag it svu it won't appear in the svu tag, only the original post will. But if you tag everything svu related you can go to your blog, and filter by just that tag, and see everything #svu you've reblogged. It's a curation system. If a gifset makes you feel something, put that in the tags, too! If you see a set and you're moony over eo holding hands, put that in the tags of your reblog. It'll make the creator feel good, and it'll make you stand out.

If there's a text post in there with some interesting points, reblog it and add your thoughts! Or check the notes, see if other people are having conversations in there. Once you've reblogged some things and your blog isn't blank, talk to people in the notes.

Pls reblog a fic post if you like it, the writer will love you for it.

While you're in the tags, check out who's posting. If someone made something you like, follow them! Go to their blog, click on their tags - a lot of people use special tags to archive their original content on their blogs. I use #my gifs. So if you go to my blog, and you see a gifset I made, and you click on the my gifs tag, you'll see all my gifs. Like as many as you want. Reblog as many as you want. People don't get suspicious if you interact with an old post; you're supposed to. Go through my whole blog and like a hundred posts in a row, I'll love you for it. Twitter is all about what's happening now; Tumblr doesn't care about immediacy. It's supposed to be an archive and you're supposed to scroll as deep and as long as you want.

When you interact with posts - like, reblog, comment, whatever - when you follow people, you're putting yourself out there. They may click thru to your blog, they may not. But if they do, and they like what you've reblogged, they may follow you back. If you aren't very active, fewer people will see your name, and fewer people will follow back, and Tumblr thrives off the dash. People interact most with posts from people they follow. To get followers, you gotta get your name in front of people.

In addition to interacting with posts you can put yourself on other people's radar by making original posts and tagging them. So say there's something you really want to talk about related to the most recent epi. Write up your thoughts, and then tag your post. Tag it "law and order svu" and "svu" and "Olivia Benson", or whatever, so that people who follow those tags will see it. If you don't tag it won't go anywhere. You'll probably have to make a couple posts before you get traction. There is no telling what will take off and what won't. If you can make gifs or graphics post those, but text posts can get just as popular, you don't have to make graphics.

You'll notice I don't tag my text posts or my ask answers with "svu". I use "s.vu" bc I like keeping those posts between me and my followers, I don't wanna fill the svu tag with all my ask answers. Some people do this; some people are blogging about svu but they don't show up in the tags. So look at who's commenting on posts you like. Look at who's reblogging them. Go to those blogs, scroll through, see if you like it, follow them too. If you've got a favorite fic author search them on tumblr and see if they're here. They probably aren't, but then again a lot of people are.

You want to broaden the base of people you're following and no one can see it, and unlike Twitter no one is gonna judge you for who you follow or how - follower count doesn't mean shit here, no one else can see it and most of us never look at our own counts, and if you follow a blog and then decide it's not for you and unfollow they'll probably never even notice you went away. You like flowers? Lingerie? New Girl? Go follow crazy. Fill your dash up, and then change it at will.

You won't get shadowbanned for saying fuck or kill. You don't have to censor yourself.

If you comment on some posts, if someone answers you back, if you start interacting with a particular blog, shoot your shot in the dms! I wouldn't do that if you haven't spoken to them at all before, but if you've had some previous interaction, go ahead.

But conversations are a little slower to start on Tumblr bc that's not really how it's structured. @andallthatmishigas is one of my very best friends in the whole wide world. We may not "talk" on Tumblr for days on end. We will reblog things from each other, and now that we're actual friends we may send each other links to funny posts over Tumblr dms, but we aren't having conversations in the notes on posts. We're doing parallel play; she's reblogging things she likes and I'm reblogging things I like and we're trading likes so we both know we're here, but we're not doing the same thing. And you know how we met? She said nice things about a story I was writing and I thanked her for it. Literally that was it, that was the start of our friendship. That was five years ago and we went to London together last month. Bc we communicated about a fic. So be open to interaction, be willing to pursue it, but understand that Tumblr isn't necessarily about a constant back and forth.

Tumblr is about curating things you like. It's about gathering shiny treasures for yourself. It will not do it for you the way Twitter will, you have to go out and find the blogs to follow and you have to push the interactions. Along the way you can make friends - @featherpluckn and I have been friends for over a decade bc of this platform, @racethewind10 and I became friends bc she commented on a post and I answered and now we talk every day- and you can have those conversations and you can build those relationships, but it's slow. It takes time. So do Tumblr for you. Write out all your thoughts, and tag them for people to see. Reblog everything that brings you joy and say so in the tags. Jump into the notes when you see people talking about things. Send asks!! People love getting asks. Send em anonymously if you're nervous, and work your way up to showing your face. This is often a better approach than just starting in the dms tbh, and it opens the conversation up to more than just you and that one person.

It can be hard to get started, and it can feel overwhelming, but just take it one day at a time. Say what's on your mind, reblog things you like, and play around with other people. Something will stick.

#anonymous

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phantomrose96 · 2 years

Note

I think tumblr puts posts in a tag if one of the tags even contains the phrase. Like I searched ‘tma’, and your post tagged ‘Chrissy listens to tma’ showed up. Tumblr sure is a website

Okay this one I do know!

Tumblr has a distinction between "tags" and "search". If you're already following a tag, then going to that tag will show you stuff specifically tagged with the phrase. (And also tumblr will put stuff on your dash specifically from the tag). But if you just go into search and search something at random, it treats it like a search and includes stuff that has that phrase. (There are ways to switch between the two. Also it's kind of hard to explain the difference, but I'm used to navigating it.)

So when I say I don't want to flood the #tma tag, that's for people who follow the tag so that A) tumblr won't like keep showing all my liveblogs on their dash and B) if they go in to scroll the tag it won't be flooded with all my liveblogs.

If someone just SEARCHES "tma" all the time......... then oops I think I can't help them.....

#also search tends to default to like 'most popular of all time'#so even with search people would have to go through extra steps to get flooded by me

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whitestaghere · 3 years

Text

Not your fault - Levi x reader

Just felt like it had been a while and came up with this. Hope ya'll enjoy reading!❤️

Warnings: none really. Mentions of death. Angst and a dash of fluff at the end.

Saying I was scared was an understatement. No, I was shook to the very brink of my existence. I hadn't expected it to be so nerve wracking as it was, now that I had finally joined the scout regiment.

I had expected this of course.

Who wouldn't? Specially when they were proned to fighting naked humans as tall as trees running at you like they were on their morning caffeine rush.

What was even worse was when the stoic captain of the special operations squad decides to pick you to be part of his squad. "I appreciate your skills," he said.

Well I guess there wasn't really much to fuss about that apart from the new mission we were setting up for and our very special rivalry.

Today, everything had gone smooth until that female titan had decided to come waltzing in.

She had managed to wipe out all of Levi squad and I felt my blood boil. My mind was in a blur, filled with thoughts of nothing but blood lust. Just from her.

Eren's screams played at the back of my mind and even as I caught sight of him shooting towards where I was, I couldn't find it in me to stop him.

As cruel as it sounded- I wanted her to feel the pain as I did.

I glanced down at Petra's body. The eyes that always greeted me with brightness were now looking at me blankly. Tasting the saltiness from the tears that streamed down my face unbeknownst to me- my cool demeanor finally broke. Snapping out of my trance I pushed myself off the branch I stood upon.

Shooting my hooks into the skin of the female titans shoulder, I zipped through the air screaming in anguish. I swung my blades over my head, aiming for the hand that covered her nape. If I could just cut through her wrist-

Just as planned, my blades sunk into the flesh of her wrist. Deep, but not deep enough.

If only I hadn't been distracted and just pushed away right then..

Her large hand came in contact with my body, swatting me off like as if I were some insect. Which in her case, I probably looked it. With a pained yelp, I was being thrown through the air.

"Y/N!" Eren.

My eyes shot open just when a bolt of lightning struck through the air. Ah.

I realised what was happening.

I tried to aim my grappling hooks at one of the trees before I probably fell to my death or by the slightest chances, fell straight into a titans mouth. But everything was in a blur and with the way the titan hit me, I couldn't quite direct my focus onto one thing. And before you know it, I had already inched closer to the ground, crashing straight into a tree. I doubled forward and my body slid down against the rough surface.

Cursing inwardly, I glanced down at my body; my lower half, sprawled out on the ground as I slumped against the tree.

I wanted to move, to assist Eren - but my body refused to respond. I couldn't budge and for a moment, I hoped I had died through impact because the thoughts that ran through my head were killing me.

My body felt limp almost like as if I was paralysed. I fought to keep my eyes open. The ground beneath me shook and my ears were filled with the sound of Eren's titan screaming. And with that, black filled my vision.

>>present<<

My body shot up at once and I winced at the sudden pain that shot through my body.

"You're awake."

That voice.

I snapped my head to my right and I was greeted by those steel eyes that belonged to none other than the captain. I had this urge to shrink and disappear out of existence under his icy gaze and-

Wait.

I was alive? Or no wait. Good Gods, please don't tell me he died too!

Without thinking, my hand shot out to grab his arm that was crossed over his chest. This took him by surprise and his eyes shifted between me and my hand with a hint of annoyance laced in his features. His body had tensed under my hold and I immediately pulled away with a gasp.

"I-I'm sorry sir. I just-"

"I found you not too far from the rest of the squad," he cut me off. My head lowered at the mention of the others. "I didn't think you were alive considering the amount of blood you lost. But that's when you coughed, splattering all your substances at me and well- you know the rest."

I didn't know what to say. Even if I did, I didn't have it in me to speak or make a snarky remark like I usually did. The thought of my fallen comrades made me sick to the stomach. But I couldn't cry either.

No. Just not with him here.

You remember how I said we had a special rivalry going on between us? Yeah.

Ever since Levi had asked me to join his squad- we'd always been at eachother's throats. Which I didn't quite expect considering how he picked me.

He'd say something sarcastic, I'd snap back at him and vice versa. It eventually came to the point that commander Erwin had to walk in one time, suggesting Levi that it would be best if I were switched to Mike's squad. But Levi had simply walked out of the room.

Just like that, Erwin asked me to make the choice and I said no. Why you ask?

I wanted Levi to accept me.

I couldn't even remember what started this rivalry to begin with and it was eating at me constantly. I had never seen him snap at people as easily as he did with me. Well he did occasionally, but this was on a daily basis and it made no sense at all.

Hanji said it was just his nature and that I'd understand him later. I realised that was she said was just ridiculous because this man, he didn't even dare to show me a little bit of respect. So I decided I'd leave him be and put up a mask whenever he'd target me but that's when things got worse. He always found reasons to argue with me and I caught up with it too.

Breaking down in front of him wasn't an option now.

Levi's chair scraped against the floor signalling that he was probably leaving.

"Thank you," I said quickly, making him stop in his tracks. I'd never said that to him before. But since he saved me, it was only right that I did.

His head turned around halfway and he eyed me narrowly. "For saving me," I finished. He clicked his tongue in response and left the room, shutting the door a little louder than I expected.

Cue the breakdown.

I flopped myself back on the bed. Grabbing the pillow that supported my head, I hugged it tightly as I screamed into it.

The tears didn't stop.

I couldn't save my comrades. Why did the captain even decide to pick me in the first place if I couldn't save my own comrades?

It was getting harder to breathe with my face stuffed in the pillow and the choked up tears didn't make it any easier. I felt so pathetic. But no matter how much I tried, it wouldn't stop. The guilt and hatred just kept coming back to me.

It felt like I had been crying for hours already as my body spasmed, signalling the next fresh batch of tears approaching.

The sound of the door opening and closing again made my body freeze.

I peeped up from my pillow and regretted it instantly seeing the captain standing at the foot of my bed, holding two cups in his hands. His eyes locked with mine again.

Maybe it was me just seeing things but his eyes widened and very slowly, he made his way upto the side of my bed.

"I brought you some tea," he said stoically. "Drink it before it gets cold."

I subtly wiped my eyes against the pillow and sat myself up on the bed like as if I hadn't been crying my eyes out just a few moments ago.

Avoiding eye contact, I thanked him silently and took the cup from his hand. Even though I wasn't looking at him, I could feel his gaze lingering on my face. Feeling too self conscious, I brought the cup up to my mouth only to wince as I burned my tongue. A weird sound came from me and I slapped my hand over my mouth.

"Tch. Be careful idiot. I didn't ask you to drink it that fast," Levi scolded. I face palmed inwardly, brushing it off with a sheepish grin. He cocked a brow and shifted his gaze outside the window.

Silence.

I didn't mind the silence, but with him sitting right there, it felt like my nerves were dancing. If that was even possible.

Eyeing him subtly, I noticed how his gaze seemed distant, longing. And that's when I realised. I was being selfish.

I wasn't the only one who had lost my comrades.

"C-captain-"

"Levi."

I tilted my head in confusion and nodded right after catching what he had meant. "Levi. I-I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"For everything."

"Be specific." I gulped. So he wanted a full on confession. Here it goes.

"Well for being.. for being a brat." He raised his brows and turned to look at me. I shifted my gaze to the floor at once, finding it easier to speak calmly that way.

"That wasn't a joke, I promise. I was being selfish. I didn't know how much pressure I might have been putting on you by always being snarky and uncooperative. And now too.. I was considering my own feelings without thinking about how you felt. I just- didn't understand why you hate me so much."

"I don't hate you," he said abruptly. I looked at him slowly but reluctantly.

"I-" he ran a hand through his hair, releasing a frustrated sigh. "I don't hate you. I was just worried."

"Worried?" I asked.

"Worried you'd end up like this. Or by the least, end up dead."

Ouch.

"You doubted my skills.. yet you picked me to be a part of your squad. I don't get it," I mumbled.

"Idiot. It's not like that," he barked. "I recall saying I respected your skills. I really do. It's just that you can be reckless at times."

I gasped in disbelief.

"Reckless?"

"Yes. Reckless."

"How could you-" he raised a brow and eyed my position on the bed. I followed his gaze and it dawned on me. Half of my body was wrapped in bandages and my arm was in a cast.

Yeah. Reckless.

"I had no doubt in your skills, keep that in mind brat. I picked you for my squad because I knew you'd be a good addition to it and-" He paused, looking like as if he were in thought before continuing.

"It was easier to keep an eye on you this way."

I shut my eyes tightly, guilt flooding through my veins little by little.

"But I failed." My eyes shot open hearing this.

"I failed you and I failed my squad."

"Levi-"

"No y/n. There's no denying it," he said. I noticed how his voice was beginning to shake and that just made my heart ache. I had never seen him this way. "I told you that I added you to keep an eye on you and look at you now. Even worse, I failed to protect the rest of my squad."

"Levi," I said softly. "You know, if I ever end up dying out there- I'd never blame you. I'd never say you failed to protect me. But what I would want you to do, is to give our sacrifices meaning. We devoted our lives. We chose to go down this path knowing the circumstances. Knowing that someday there could be a chance we wouldn't come back home. So just know, this is not your fault and they don't blame you either. Even if it is, we must make their sacrifices worth something."

Levi stared intently at me but this time, I didn't feel like shrinking away. I wanted the man in front of me to have reason to fight, to know he wasn't to blame. And that all of this- we were facing all of this together.

He didn't say a word. I didn't expect him to either and I didn't mind it.

His gaze was everywhere and for a second when his eyes met mine, I couldn't help my urge and slowly yet hesitantly- reached out for him.

"May I?" I asked.

He tilted his head, confused by what I was asking permission for. I opened my arms slightly for him and after a short while, he shockingly leaned in slowly (not before shifting awkwardly in his seat though). Wrapping one arm around his shoulders and one hand on his nape, I pulled him into my embrace gently.

I felt his fingers trace over my clothes slightly like as if he were contemplating what to do. After a few seconds, his body completely relaxed in my arms and I felt his hands slowly snake around my waist.

"It's okay Levi," I whispered and rubbed his back in attempt to comfort him. He tucked his head into the crook of my neck. That made a soft smile crawl up my face.

This man was a fighter but he was also human. A human with feelings no matter how stoic he could be. Hanji was right.

>>Third person's pov<<

It was at that moment, that a new friendship began to blossom between the two. A spark of hope and a reason to fight in their dark world.

Okay phew.

That came out a lot more angsty than I thought it would be haha. But I hope you all enjoyed reading it and have a wonderful day/night!❤️

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #levi x reader #levi ackerman #erwin smith #hanji zoe #eren jaeger #petra ral #aot imagines #levi x reader imagine #levi x reader fluff #levi x y/n #levi x you #aot x y/n #levi x male reader #levi needs a hug #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman imagine #levi ackerman x you

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kickingitwithkirk · 3 years

Text

Greetings From Austin: Part II

Pairing: Alpha!Jensen Ackles x Alpha!Jared Padalecki x Omega!OFC

Summary: Jensen and Jared are at odds over a monumental decision that changes their lives in a way they couldn’t have envisioned.

Word Count: 3985

Warnings: a/b/o, bisexuality, angst, cursing, self doubt, depression/anxiety, married life/disagreements, medical stuff, sexual dysfunction, infertility, surrogacy

*Jensen acting out of character

*additional warnings to be added in future parts.

A/N: series Inspired by this art.

A/N II: For this part I did some research & delved into a bit of reproductive/genetic testing-please don’t dink me on details, I altered it a bit to fit A/B/O verse.

A/N III: There is no intentional hate or malevolence intended towards any of the Ackles or Padalecki families. This is a purely fictional piece containing real and created persons/names/events set in the fictional A/B/O verse. Some dates/events altered to fit story.

Part I

*no beta-all mistakes are mine

*photos found online

One hour later

Jensen sets two sealed cups in the small niche shutting its door and grabs his jacket sliding it on, his inner Alpha purring with satisfaction watching his husband's fumbling fingers working at a button on his shirt, “Need any help babe?”

Jared’s all dilated pupils and glowing cheeks above his thick beard, “I’m good, I'll be out in a few.” Jensen leans in for one more soft, lingering kiss before leaving. Locking the door behind him Jared leans against it, closing his eyes, savoring the last vestiges of his oxytocin high.

He can’t stop recalling that mischievous glint in those luminous green eyes as Jensen slowly licked his plush lips before diving in to kiss him stupid, his long, sinful tongue doing things that’s probably illegal in twenty states, hands with ooh, so thick, talented fingers capable all sorts of magical things.

Shaking himself out of the memory he crossed over to the sink and caught his debauched reflection in the mirror. Shit, he can’t out looking like this.

Turning on the tap cups his hand to catch some of the running water splashing his face to cool off when his phone starts vibrating in his back pocket. Drying his hands and face he pulls it out checking the text. Glancing up he runs a hand over his thick beard, smoothing it down before leaving the room.

Completely preoccupied typing a reply he rounds the corner heading for the doctor's office slamming into a woman knocking her off her feet, the contents of the bag she’s carrying scatter loudly across the floor.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry!”

From her seated position she looks up...and up, his long, long legs clad in low riding jeans barely held up by a loosely buckled leather belt, his shirts rucked-up, a bit of his treasure trail and toned abs flanked by the sharp V of his hip peeking out.

“FuckI’mfuckingsorryFuckdidn’tfuckingsee....”

Jared, embarrassed, keeps apologizing, laced with fuck every other word, squats down gathering scattered items, dropping them back into the bag continuously babbling until she bursts out laughing. “And here I be thinking I said fuck to much,” a subtle lilt in her voice making it sound like she’s saying fook instead.

They move around each other picking up the last of her stuff. Jared reaches for a scarf when the central air catches a few loose strands of her hair, lightly dancing them across his cheek.

He inhales sharply as her piquant scent travels through his system eliciting a rumbling purr deep in his chest, “Fuck..” She breathes out gazing directly into his kaleidoscope eyes, watching mesmerized as they bleed into red with arousal as her eyes flash gold in response.

“I..I..fuck..I’ve gotta go!” She sputters, scrambling to her feet, grabs the bag hurrying away, leaving him holding the scarf.

Lifting the forgotten fabric to his face Jared deeply inhaled her scent, reaching down presses against his cock chubbing up the second time that day. He morosely stares in the direction she fled in once more, a low whine of loss escapes before he tucks the scarf into his back pocket and resumes heading towards the doctor’s office.

Dr. Rodgers, standing just inside in a doorway observing unnoticed, makes a mental note.

***

Jensen watches amused as Jared sits down with a slight wince, a not unpleasant reminder of their recent interlude, teases, “Did I make that much of a mess out of you Jay?”

Jared shrugs with a nonchalant “eh.” Jensen lowers his chin leaning close growling his displeasure at the flippant response, Jared internally shivers knowing he’s gonna pay for it when they get home, much to his delight.

Jensen abruptly stops growling, “You stink like Omega!”

Dr. Rodgers comes in carrying a binder saving Jared from responding, “We’ll get your test results in about two weeks unless we see something that needs further investigation.” He sets down the binder in front of them, opening it to the first page revealing a dossier and picture.

“Now, the next bit is selecting an egg donor. I’m sure you're wondering how we select the donors. I rely on a protein compatibility test, similar to the markers blood test used when matching Alphas and Omegas, narrowing down prospective candidates.

All of our donors are Betas and Omegas. Several of the Betas are willing to be the surrogate too. If you choose to go with an Omega donor we will have the extra step of selecting a Beta surrogate but that’s something to discuss later if needed.

We also take into account your personal preferences when it comes to physical traits, personality, etc. I’ll introduce you to the top three that are the best matches. If for some reason none of them work out, we’ll try the next most compatible candidates.”

Dr. Rodgers clicks his pen, “Let’s get started shall we.”

***

Flipping off the light switch Jensen walks out of the bath to find Jared already asleep. Crossing over to their bed he stopped at his side admiring him.

How had he gotten so lucky to have Jared as his? Over fifteen years since that life changing meeting he was more in love with his mate than ever, the ups and downs in their relationship that could have torn them apart made their marriage stronger.

Jensen took hold of the book Jared had been reading, gently pulling it out of his hand, slid in a bookmark and placed it on the nightstand turning off the lamp.

Easing into his side of the bed he leaned over pressing a soft kiss to Jared’s bare shoulder, who only wore bottoms since he always ran warm. Shifting, Jared buries his face into Jensen's neck, draping a long arm across his chest snuggling close, “Thank you.”

“For what babe?”

“Helping me today,” he could feel Jared’s breath warm against his skin, “I know you're against having more but please don’t decide not to, I want to have pups with you.”

Jensen mentality sighed, he’d be forty-three before they were born and didn’t want to be the old dad. Jared had argued that he'd never be, they knew lots of people were having their families later, look at Reedus, fifty when his daughter came and JDM, he was almost fifty-two when George was born.

“I’ll make you a deal, I’ll say yes if we find one donor we both agree on,” he felt Jared’s emotions shifting more positive, “but if you like one and me another, I’m not doing it.”

Jared pressed several soft kisses to the side of his neck, “Okay Jen,” he agrees, shifting to lay his head on his shoulder, “we’ll find the one, I can feel it.” he sleepily finishes.

Jensen rests his cheek against the top of Jared's head, not fallen asleep for ages. How was he going to handle Jared’s inevitable disappointment, knowing it will happen since they have always had vastly different tastes in females.

***

Five days later

7:00 A.M.

Jared was up to mile three of his daily workout on the treadmill in his office. He usually ran outside this early in the morning but a surprise thunderstorm altered his plans for the day when his phone rang. He dialed the machine down to walking speed to answer.

“Hello, Mr. Page, this is Sissy from Dr. Rodgers office, I’m sorry to be calling so early. He would like for you to come back in for a follow up about your semen testing.” Jared’s throat tightened, closing off his ability to respond.

He stepped off the machine and sat down on the large leather couch, “Sorry I..what time can I come in?”

“We have an opening at 8:45, will that work?”

“Yes ma’am, I can be there then.”

“Great, we’ll see you in a bit Mr. Page.”

Jared sat back not caring he was getting sweat all over the leather and started his breathing exercise to calm himself, telling his brain to knock it off, surely it wasn’t anything major with how calm Sissy was on the phone.

Ten minutes later he was still anxious but able to handle it. He glanced at his watch and knew he had to get his butt in gear to make the appointment.

Walking into the bedroom he found Jensen softly snoring so he moved as quietly as he could grabbing some clean clothes and headed for the shower. He left a note by the coffee pot saying he had an errand and be back ASAP.

He pulled into the clinics parking lot with five minutes to spare. Tucking his hair into his ever present beanie, Jared slipped on his mask and dashed through the downpour into the clinic.

After being temperature checked, Sissy walked him to the doctor's office. Knocking on the door she opened it and Jared saw the doctor on the phone gesturing for him to come in as he finished his call.

“Hello Mr. Page, thank you for coming in. I wanted to go over a discrepancy the lab found with your test, I'll try not to use too much doctor jargon.” He layed three pages on the table in front of him, a color printout of a sperm DNA strand broke down into segments and the others Jared recognized as chromosome mapping. “These are part of the Alphas sperm DNA sequencing. Normally, this one has a wide band in this segment,” he pointed to a circled area on the right page demonstrating a normal sequence. “This is your sperm's DNA. What I wanted to show you is a variant in the same section,” he circled a column on the left page, “which contains a narrow band instead,” he highlighted one piece of the chain.

“What does it mean?” Jared asked nervously.

“I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t know, I’ve never encountered this variant before. I looked at your previous testing from 2016 and it was also present on that test, not sure why it was overlooked. I’ve consulted with a few colleagues of mine to get their take,” he paused resting his arms on the desk watching Jared’s expression, “Mr. Page, I didn’t ask you to come in to upset you, I prefer to keep my clients in the loop if anything unusual does present with their testing. It’s possibly something that's genetically unique to you and affects nothing. I’d like to run a Tunel test, it’s a sperm chromatin structure analysis, it’ll give us more information to work with.”

Jared fidgeted, desperately wanting to chew on his fingers, “Umm…okay.”

“Good, it's not invasive at all, we just need some more sperm.” Dr. Rodgers says.

~~~

Jensen was stumbling around the kitchen working on his first cup of coffee when Jared walked in carrying a box from his favorite bakery.

“Those aren’t what I think they are?” Jensen asks as Jared sits the box down on the counter. He opens the lid inhaling the scent of decadent cinnamon roll goodness before pulling out one and taking a huge bite moaning pornographically, “Babe, whatever I did to warrant these remind me to do it again,” he says with his mouthful.

Jared chuckles as his mate continues making obscene noises before bending down taken a bit from the other side earning warning snarl.

“You are so not a morning person.” Jared chided sliding the box over to retrieve his own taking it setting down at the island bar pulling a chunk off.

“You wanna share what’s rattling around in that big head of yours?” Jensen inquires. Jared chews slowly before answering. “I got a call from the clinic, something showed up in my test.”

Jensen snapped fully alert, his roll forgotten, and sat down next to him, “Jared, what’s wrong? Are you sick?”

Jared fiddled with his roll, pulling it apart, “No, not that I’m aware of but they found something off and don’t know what it is. Dr. Rodgers said it’s probably nothing but wanted to run another test to see if he can figure out what it is what if something is wrong and turns out I was the reason Genevieve couldn’t get pregnant I don’t know if I can handle it the possibility of not being able to have pups I’ve wanted them for so long I can’t imagine our lives...”

“Jared,” Jensen sharpness interrupts Jared’s incessant rambling, making him go quiet, “I know you want to go to the worst possible outcome but let’s wait till all the tests are back. If it’s something, we’ll deal, we always do.”

***

August 3rd

“Jen, move your ass, were gonna be late!” Jared bellows from downstairs.

“I’m coming...dammit!” Jensen cursed as he tripped over the boxes left sitting by the bottom step. “You need to get the rest of this shit out of the way, about killed myself again!”

“I’ll stay up tonight moving the rest of this fucking shit if you’ll get a fucking move on!”

The sniping at each other had gotten worse since the house renovations were barely completed before heading back to Vancouver.

Jensen moved his music studio into the newly created space in the basement from the former guest quarters, now relocated to the spacious pool house. The empty upstairs rooms were converted into the eventual nursery/kids rooms with a Jack and Jill bathroom between them.

“You better start watching your goddamn language cause the last thing we need is for our kids to have a trash mouth like…don’t roll your eyes at me!” Jared threw his arms up in disgust before storming out to the garage getting in Jensen’s truck. They drove to the clinic in silence.

They were flying out tomorrow to quarantine for two weeks before resuming shooting on the eighteenth. Then the clinic called their tests were back and Jared didn’t want to wait till they got back for the results.

After their temperature check they were immediately escorted to the doctor’s office finding him already there. “Mr. Bonham, Mr. Page, pleasure to see you, please have a seat.” They sit next to each other not touching. “Is there something wrong gentleman?”

“Why do you ask?” Jensen barks, “Fuck man, don’t be rude!” Jared bit back earning a glare that makes most sane people back away from Jensen.

“Gentleman, no need to fight. It may surprise you but I actually see a lot of hostility between my clients. I’m sure the added stress of the quarantine while trying to start a family is putting your Alpha instincts more on edge, is it not?”

Jensen sighed, “I’m sorry sir, I was raised better.”

Jared gave an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry too sir, and you're right.”

“I’ve been doing this for a long time and understand the situation from your side, my wife and I had trouble conceiving. We ended up having two sets of twins within three years, now that’s stress.”

Jensen blinked, “And I thought mine were a handful.”

Dr. Rodgers laughed, “They are a blessing but honestly, it’s an absolute madhouse at times. So, let’s get back to you two. Mr. Bonham, everything looks good, you are in the top percentile when it comes to mobility and live sperm count for your age group. One of the advantages of being an Alpha, unlike us poor Betas who’s diminish with age.”

“Mr. Page, I also have your results and the Tunel tests which turned out to be something.. unique.”

Jared eyes widened as he paled, his breath hitching, feeling his stomachs spastic tightening making him about vomit. He knew it, he knew something was going to go wrong, his brain didn’t lie to him this time.

Jensen was out of his chair and utilizing his Alpha strength turned Jared’s towards him before kneeling between his legs reaching up to firmly grip the sides of his head forcing him to focus on him opens up his side of their bond he’d shut the other day when they were arguing to gauge how bad this one was.

“Hey Hey, concentrate on me, I need you to breathe with me,” he held Jared’s gaze for several minutes as their breathing cinqued up, feeling him relaxing.

“There you go big guy. It wasn’t that bad, focus on your breathing okay.” Jared nodded embarrassed as Dr. Rodgers sat a bottle of water in front of him, “Do you need me to get you anything else?”

“No, he’s fine, thank you,” Jensen answers, getting up retaking his chair as Jared took a long drink from the bottle, “he’s usually more aware of these attacks but since the damn lock-downs.” Jensen shook his head in disgust, “We're heading back to Vancouver tomorrow to finish our sh..job before his new one starts late October. I guess it’s really hitting us both that it's finally ending.”

“Mr. Ackles, you can say show,” Jared and Jensen stare at him in surprise, “my daughters are fans, I know more about the Winchester brothers than a man my age should.” Dr. Rodgers ruminates, “Mr. Page, are you ready for me to continue?” Jared nodded as Jensen wrapped both of his hands around his free one.

“After I received the results I spoke with a specialist in Alpha genetics. They looked at all your tests and came back with a conclusion I’ve never heard of before.” The doctor laid a printout on the desk, “This is a visual aid to help me in explaining.”

“Chemoattactants are what a female's egg releases to attract the sperm to it. You know how it works from there; sperm meets egg, sperm penetrates egg and viola, fertilization. Alphas sperm has evolved allowing them to inseminate all three sub-genders, whereas male Omegas sperm is sterile since they possess both sets of reproductive organs but only need to utilize one.”

The doctor sets all three of Jared’s tests and the normal example on his desk for them to see, “This chromatin structure you carry Mr. Page,” he points to the highlighted section, “has altered so that the eggs of Alphas and Betas are chemorepellent to your sperm, rejecting fertilization.”

Jared sat still-shocked, blankly staring at the results lying before him, vaguely feeling Jensen reaching across their bond again. “Does this mean he’s...infertile?” He can hear Jensen hesitant inquiry, like he's standing across a vast chasm.

“In conventional terms, yes. This is the reason you were unable to conceive with your previous spouse, being a Beta, and there is still no medical intervention available that would have helped. What’s unique is his sp...”

Jared was numb. His dreams of a little Padackles tearing around their home had literally been salt and burned before his eyes with those test results.

In the recesses of his attention he’s aware of the continuing conversation around him, the longer it goes on, the more his brain is tuning out.

~~~

The first thing he becomes aware of are fingertips caressing his face, softly wiping away wetness damping his cheeks. Slowly blinking the blurry shape in front of him comes into focus.

Jensen is sitting in front of him. More accurately, he’s sitting cross legged in between his own splayed legs on the floor. Jared frowns as his senses are coming back online.

He was sitting on the chair that’s now off to his right so how did he end up with his back against the desk?

“You passed out,” Jensen answers his unspoken question, “and scared the ever-living shit out of me! I thought you were having an aneurysm the way your eyes rolled back into your big head!”

“I..I..don’t know what happened, I was looking at the results, you were asking questions..then nothing.”

“Stress Jared, you are completely stressed out and it's fucking with your illness!” He opens his mouth, “No, I’m not done so be quiet.” Jensen’s voice dropped with his Alpha tone overlaying it,

“Between that final script having you nuts all year, this quarantine fucking up your meds, dealing with your businesses shutdowns, getting Walker started, you had to add pushing for pups, it’s no wonder you couldn’t handle the doctor explanation of...”

“Explanation of what?” Jared lashes back in own Alpha voice, leaning forward into Jensen’s space, his eyes flashing red, “That I’m infertile, sterile, shooting blanks..”

“Shut that fucking mouth for two minutes or I swear I’ll deck you.” Jensen’s normally warm green eyes bleed into a fierce red, becoming hard.

Jared’s mouth snapped shut in surprise. They had gotten into plenty of arguments over the years, gotten in each other’s faces a few times but this was a first. Jensen had never, ever threatened physical harm.

Well, somewhat that time Misha set him off during a panel and he went for him afterwards. Misha stupidly goaded him again before Jensen gave him a shove, ordering him to cool off before he had to do something.

Jensen’s jaw ticked as he mentally counted to ten, “Dr. Rodgers said that you couldn’t impregnate another Alpha or Beta right?”

“Right.”

“The part you zoned out is that your sperm wants to only fertilize an Omega’s eggs.”

Sighing heavily, Jensen crawls over a leg to sit against the desk next to him. Jared pulls his legs up and wraps his arms around them, resting his chin on his knees processing this information as Jensen reaches over and gently rubs his hand in random patterns over his back.

They had mutually agreed on a Beta donor. Now this threw a wrench in the plans.

“Maybe this is a sign we’re rushing into this again. Let’s take a step back and consider all our options.” Jared’s muscles stiffened under his hand.

“I’m not considering anything else and I’m not stopping.”

“Wait...what?”

Jared lifted his head, “I’m not considering anything else and I’m not stopping. I realize this isn’t what you want so don’t worry, I’m not gonna hold you to our agreement.”

Jensen exhaled sharply knowing when Jared spoke in that tone, that was it, end of discussion, mind made up.

Jared gets up, “I’m going to find Dr. Rodgers and see if he's still willing to help me. If you want to leave, go. I’ll get an Uber when I’m done.” He walks out quietly shutting the door behind him.

“Fuck!” Jensen closed his eyes thumping his head back against the desk. He knew he had screwed up and there was only one way to make it right.

***

Jensen asked Jared to let him stay, he was wrong for saying that and he'd be open to one of the Omegas as a possible donor too. Jared wasn’t completely appeased but he was happy Jensen didn’t take the out given him.

The three candidates were smart, attractive, lovely scented Omegas in their twenties that any Alpha looking for a prospective mate would seriously consider, leaving Jensen wanting something else.

“I like aspects of all three Jay, but honestly, I'm not feeling it with any of them.”

“Maybe you’ve reached the stage you’re looking for more substance, less aesthetic.”

“Did you just call me old?” Jensen gaped at his husband.

Before Jared responds, Dr. Rodgers enters, “I see from your expression Mr. Bonham that you haven’t decided on a candidate.”

“It’s not that I didn’t like any of them, there isn’t a..”

“Connection. It’s normal, just because your Alpha doesn’t mean you..desire every Omega you cross paths with. With some it takes time to find the right one.” He looks at his watch.

“We’re at the end of our appointment but I have one more donor I’d like you to meet today. She’s doesn’t exactly fit your personal physical preferences but this omega is...special..and she’s willing to be the surrogate too.”

The doctor opens the door gestures to someone. They stand up to greet her and as she enters they are enveloped by her piquant scent.

“Mr. Page and Mr. Bonham, this is Quinn.”

***

tbc

Part III

GFA: @babypink224221 @waywardjoy @let-me-luve-you @all-4-wincest

SPN: @donnatix @lyarr24

Sam/Jared @idreamofplaid

Dean/Jensen: @flamencodiva

#j2 #alpha!jensen ackles x alpha!jared padalecki #j2 fanfic #alpha!jensen ackles #jensen ackles #alpha!jared padalecki #jared padalecki #alpha!jensen x alpha!jared x omega!ofc #j2 au #j2 husbands #surrogate #supernatural

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writing-in-april · 4 years

Text

Bowling Ball Baby

Franklin x Female Pregnant Reader

(Franklin is MGG’s character from beginner’s luck)

Gif courtesy of the ever wonderful @imagining-in-the-margins

A/N: I have recently become obsessed with Franklin because of @httpnxtt and @sunlight-moonrise so I decided to write some fluff with a dash of angst for him. I also have smut upcoming for this character as well. Thanks to my beta readers @sunlight-moonrise and @definitelynotkatesblog y’all are amazing!

Warnings: Fluff with a dash of angst, marital dispute at the beginning (is later resolved, and a few swear words.

Masterlist Word count: 1.9k (this was supposed to be a blurb lol)

Fighting with Franklin always left me at rock bottom. We both had feisty personalities but still didn’t fight often, usually just scathing quips when we were irritated. On the rare occasions when we did explode into a fight it was full of screaming, crying, and hurtful comments. Our tempers had been close to boiling over for a while now, my pregnancy hormones were making me extremely irritable and Franklin’s feisty demeanor didn’t exactly mesh well with that.

My 8 month pregnant belly felt like I was lugging around a bowling ball constantly, my back felt like it was being broken everyday. I constantly felt like I was standing on pins and needles, plus the baby felt the need to show me just how strong she or he was by kicking me in the ribs.

The fight had started after Franklin came home from work, I was sitting on our couch with my feet propped up and covered in an ice pack to relieve some of the stinging pain. Unfortunately for my poor swollen feet the ice pack did little to dull the throbbing.

“Hey, Frankie?” I called, hoping I could convince him to swap out the thawing ice pack for a frozen bag of peas.

“Not now, I’m busy.” He answered shortly, his back facing away from me, not fully acknowledging my presence. He was usually extra irritable after work; he felt trapped in his job, like it was holding him back from his dream of bowling professionally..

I huffed loudly, not that he could hear it from the other room, doing god knows what. He returned in a rush with his bowling ball bag in his hand, headed for the door, his Big Z Tires shirt hastily thrown on. My mouth fell open when I realized he was leaving for the alley.

“You’re leaving?” I squeaked, watching him while he hastily shoved a bagel in his mouth.

“I’ve got to go to practice” he muffled around a mouthful, sounding annoyed. I always supported Franklin and his dreams of being the best bowler in Little Falls, but this time I wasn’t going to let him escape his responsibilities of our relationship so easily.

“Could you skip today?” Treading lightly by asking softly. “We haven’t spent any time with each other in like a month and even then it was at the alley.”

His face switched from being annoyed to enraged despite my asking nicely, he was still going to get pissed off- figures.

“How could you be so inconsiderate- you know how important this is to me and the whole town!” he yelled. I was spooked but quickly composed myself before replying.

“I’m not being inconsiderate, you're never here.” I stated in a deadly tone, I didn’t want to make this worse by joining in on his raised voice. “I understand it’s the most important thing in Little Falls, but shouldn’t our baby be more important to you?!”

All I got in response was a dismissive scoff. I could feel myself getting angrier, we’d both said we wanted a baby and for the past month he acted like he couldn’t care less.

“You might as well go move into the bowling alley.” I mumbled under my breath, fiery spite fueling my words.

“Even with the pins, it’d still be quieter than your nagging.” he shot back.

“Excuse me?!” Now it was my turn to shout; he just had to continue to stoke the fire increasing in my belly. I waddled my way to stand right in front of him, ignoring the pain of my swollen feet. I didn't want him to wiggle his way out, if he wanted an argument he was going to get one, he was the one who started it after all.

“All you’ve done is whined and complained these past few weeks.” He was acting like a hypocrite, whining and complaining to me about something we both agreed to do together. I had never felt more alone.

“How would you know? You’re never here to spend time with me!” The timbre of my voice cracked as my heart started to shatter.

“Just stop, ok? I get it you’re pregnant but come on Y/N it can’t take that much hard work!” That comment was the straw that broke the camel's back, my anger turned to melancholy as hot tears spilled over onto my cheeks as I waddled away as fast as I could back to our bedroom.

I could hear his desperate voice trying to get me to come back, offering any pleading or begging he could think of, but I wasn’t having it. As I got to our room I slammed the door shut, making sure to lock it tight so he couldn’t follow me. If he wanted to act like a dick, he'll sleep on the couch for the night. Knocks started to hit the door with his voice barely permeating through the wood imploring me to let him in.

Tears fell down my cheeks while I rubbed my belly, all I wanted was for us to be a happy family, but I needed Franklin to be fully committed. Sinking down onto our bed I contemplated where this left us. I almost packed a bag to stay with a friend for the night but I was too tired to go through with it, the fighting had taken all the energy out of me. The mattress cuddled my body but it wasn’t as good as Franklin, which only made the drops fall harder. My sadness deepened when the knocks stopped, the room now a void, offering no comfort to me. Dread sat in my belly as I drifted off into a restless sleep.

~~~

Physically and emotionally I was strung out, I was in no mood to talk or argue so I had been tiptoeing around Franklin all day, his behavior had made me seriously start to question if he was truly invested in our relationship. Once dinner rolled around I padded my way into the kitchen, the baby had been craving some sweets and I was highly considering just binging on candy.

I glanced over to the stove to find a ridiculous sight standing before me. Franklin had his bowling shirt on- he honestly rarely took it off and had about 5 of them. Covering most of the front of his yellow button up was a baby sling I had bought a few weeks ago in preparation, in it sat my old purple bowling ball I used when I was in Highschool. He must’ve dug it out of our closet as I hadn’t used it since our last competition senior year. A wave of nostalgia washed over me as I reminisced about the old team where we’d first met. I gazed at the 8 pound perfectly round ball, weighing down and stretching the fabric directly in the middle, it looked exactly like what you’d think a bowling ball in a baby sling would look- ridiculous.

“I remember you saying you’ve been craving something sweet so I decided to make pancakes for dinner, I even added chocolate chips.” He spoke, breaking me out of my memory. I hadn’t even noticed he was making pancakes, my focus on the bowling ball strapped to his stomach.

“We’re not going to talk about the bowling ball?”

“Well I was being a dick-” I swiftly cut him off. My rage was being stoked slightly by his whimsical attitude, I couldn’t tell if he was trying to cheer me up or was really that thick and couldn’t understand my frustrations.

“Yeah, that’s the understatement of the century.” I’m sure the steely edge to my tone was not lost on Franklin, and I still wasn’t giving him the satisfaction of eye contact.

“Like I was saying- I was being a dick and I was thinking to myself, ‘Frankie she’s carrying the weight of the relationship right now. You want to get inside a woman’s head? You become a woman.’ So I thought I’d join you in solidarity- as an apology.”

Silence filled my part of the conversation as I pondered his words. It certainly was an odd way for someone to make up a fight, usually people bought flowers, chocolate, or go on a fancy date. Franklin, however, always had a way of apologizing in the most obnoxious and ridiculous ways that were incredibly sweet, but also made me want to bang my head against the wall. He had stopped flipping the pancakes, anxiously awaiting my reply to his apology. The slight char they were getting wafted a burnt smell through the air.

“This is the first thing you thought of for an apology?” I giggled out breaking the tense silence, his shoulders relaxed as he let out an audible puff of breath. I may have found this funny but I wasn’t going to let him off the hook just yet.

“Well- you know me, I’m not very good at apologies.” He said in a regretful tone, turning back to the pancakes finally removing the almost carbonized pancake from the skillet. A cringe made its way onto his face after catching sight of the rubbery burnt cake and swiftly chucked it in the trash. “I really am sorry Y/N.”

“You’re saying that now because your back hurts- Am I right?” I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, still not fully accepting this apology.

“No, that’s not the main reason I’m apologizing, but yes, oh my god my back fucking hurts.” His right hand started to massage his sore back as his other poured in the last scrapes of pancakes, sprinkling it with an exorbitant amount of chocolate chips. My mouth was watering at the sight and delicious aroma.

“How long have you been wearing it?” I asked, trying to distract myself from the heavenly scent.

“Like 10 minutes, I totally understand why you waddle now” Flipping over the last pancake, he started to set the table, his waddles were even more awkward compared to mine because of his long limbs.

“Well now that you understand, you’d better be massaging my feet everyday to make up for it.” I sharply stated though I couldn’t help but slip in a few giggles in between. I had been carrying this baby close to 9 months and Franklin could barely handle 10 minutes without keeling over.

“Yes, of course. I promise.” He set the plates of pancakes down on our round table, then pulled out one of the chairs and helped me sit down. I noticed that he had even set up the silverware in its supposed proper place along with the napkins folded into little triangles, he did go all out to make it up to me.“You know, you're the actual god in this family.” He remarked as he slung off the baby sling, relieving the tension from his back. I wished I could do the same.

“I love you, you big weirdo.” I snorted in response. While his godliness was usually referring to his bowling skills, it was nice to have my literal creation and carrying of life inside of me acknowledged too.

“I love you too” He wrapped his arms around me from behind, pressing soft kisses to my neck and rubbing my belly, silently assuring me that everything would be alright.

#franklin #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler x reader #franklin x reader #mgg #mgg fluff #mgg x reader #beginner’s luck #franklin imagine #franklin fanfic #franklin fanfiction #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #matthew gray gubler fic

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xiyao-feels · 3 years

Text

Nie//yao (MDZS)

So NMJ/JGY is actually getting two versions, because my read on them is wildly different for MDZS vs CQL.

In MDZS I...don't ship it? I mean, there just doesn't seem to be to be anything there at all of a romantic or sexual nature. It's not that they don't care about each other, they clearly do, but it's in a way that is...NMJ as substitute father, JGY as substitute brother, and heavily, heavily inflected by their (current and then former) relationship as superior and subordinate.

Putting this behind a cut because a) it's me explaining at breath length with quotes why I don't think they have a romantic or sexual relationship and I don't want people to have to see that unless they want and b) accordingly it is REALLY LONG and I also don't want to clutter people's dashes, so.

Actually backing up a step, I don't see MDZS NMJ as being attracted to anyone, that's not really specific to JGY. I tend to read him as aspec, tbh. So theoretically he could have romantic feelings about JGY without being attracted to him—I think he may have some quasi-romantic feelings for LXC, though I don't think he conceptualizes it that way—but... honestly, it's not really clear to me that he even likes JGY as a person.

I'm not saying he doesn't like JGY! He clearly does, at least before MY tricks him and flees. But it doesn't seem to have anything to do with MY's personality, as opposed to like—MY being really competent and conducting himself well.

Some quotes about what exactly NMJ values about JGY:

'Nie MingJue interrupted him, “I promoted you not because I wanted you to give back anything out of gratitude. I simply thought that you should stay in this position, since you are capable enough and your conduct is to my liking. If you really want to pay me back, just kill a few more of those Wen-dogs on the battlefield!”'

'After [Meng Yao] left [for Langya], Nie MingJue switched to another deputy. Wei WuXian, however, felt that the new one was always a few beats slower. Meng Yao was an unusually clever talent. He could understand what wasn’t said, and perform to the best with the simplest orders. He was efficient and never slacked. Anyone used to him wouldn’t be able to refrain from comparing him with others.'

'Nie MingJue was never close to people. He rarely opened up to anyone. Though he finally managed to obtain a competent, trustworthy subordinate, whose character and capabilities he approved, he found that the subordinate’s true colors were nothing like what he had thought they were. It was only natural that his reaction was so extreme.'

'Wei WuXian had once found it strange as well. Ever since Meng Yao betrayed the QingheNie Sect, the relationship between Nie MingJue and him hadn’t been the same as before. Then why did they later become sworn brothers? From his observations, aside from how Lan XiChen brought it up, having always hoped that the two would reconcile, the most important factor was probably the gratitude of saving his life and writing the letters. To be precise, in his past battles, he had more-or-less depended on the information that Meng Yao sent over through Lan XiChen. He still thought that Jin GuangYao was a talented person whom one would rarely come upon, and intended on leading him back onto the right path. However, Jin GuangYao wasn’t his subordinate anymore. Only after they became sworn brothers would he have the status and the position to urge Jin GuangYao, like how he disciplined his younger brother, Nie HuaiSang.'

Jin GuangYao spoke with dejection, “But, Brother, didn’t you hear what he said in the oath? Every sentence meant something more. ‘Face a thousand accusing fingers, be torn from limb to limb’—this was clearly a warning for me. I… I’ve never heard of such an oath before.”

Lan XiChen replied in a gentle voice, “He said ‘if one were to think otherwise’. Do you think otherwise? If not, then why should you worry over it so much?"

Jin GuangYao, “I don’t, but Brother has already decided that I do, so what can I do?”

Lan XiChen, “He has always cherished your talent, hoping that you would choose the right path.”

You might notice a recurring theme here: there's a lot of focus JGY's competence and conduct. But anything about who JGY is as a person? Not so much.

They clearly had a good superior/subordinate relationship going on, albeit one in which NMJ was missing a lot of context (see just behave well and show people up, plus the you're missing a solid foundation thing). But it does seem to be basically professional. WWX describes them as conversing "peaceably, even impressively" in contrast to "his future self, always being scolded by Nie MingJue" and "those jokes of how 'LianFang-Zun fled whenever he heard that ChiFeng-Zun arrived,'" and.... that's kind of it. The closest we get to them as friends is them talking together with LXC after NMJ tells MY he will give him a letter of recommendation and send him to his father; as WWX describes it, "The three chatted back and forth, at times serious, yet at times light. The conversation was much more relaxed than when they had been in the living room. Listening to their chatter, Wei WuXian often wanted to get a word in as well, yet he was unable to do so."

That's definitely not nothing! But it's also the most we ever get, only shows up the once, and is explicitly contrasted with their conversation from earlier. Moreover, I'm pretty sure LXC's presence is a necessary part of things; NMJ tends to respond differently to LXC than to other people (even just earlier in this chapter, we're told that while "Nie MingJue had never been one for humour," "in front of Lan XiChen his expression eased"), and WWX explicitly notes LXC's conversation skills in the context of this conversation: "At this point in time, their relationship really isn't bad. Zewu-Jun is actually quite good at holding conversations, so why is Lan Zhan so bad at it?"

In addition, I'd say that looking at the early part of that conversation is quite telling; while LXC and MY are sitting together as equals, MY stand up at once the moment NMJ interrupts, and doesn't sit even after NMJ tells him to do so (I think he probably does take a seat at some point, but the narrative doesn't actually tell us when). Moreover, MY seems to be worried that NMJ will be offended by a possible lack of gratitude on MY's part ("Sect Leader Nie, if you heard everything, then you should've also heard me say that..."), and the only objection he expresses to leaving is precisely that he owes NMJ a debt of gratitude, not anything to do with, like, missing him. To me all the evidence suggests that while they had a close relationship, it was not a /personal/ relationship, but fundamentally one of superior and subordinate.

(For a close read of the scene where NMJ, LXC and MY are talking together, I highly recommend @confusion-and-more's post here)

Moving on, let's look at after JGY becomes JGY. They don't seem to particularly spend time together with each other, certainly not for the sake of it. There's a brief moment at the Flower Banquet where NMJ asks JGY why he's wasting his time with XY (who has not at this point in time committed his crime, he just has a reputation), but after JGY makes his excuse and scurries away, NMJ turns away and doesn't seem to seek him out or even pay him any particular attention for the rest of the scene; he only shows up once more, and that's following WWX. (And although JGY-as-replacement-NHS would be a post all on its own, I do think it's interesting to note that the exchange about XY is immediately followed by LXC and LWJ coming over, described in a way that highlights both their impressiveness and their status at brothers—their Twin Jade-ness, one might say.) During the guqin scene, NMJ only speaks once, and it's to address LXC—to protest the inappropriateness of LXC leaking exclusive Lan techniques. When JGY shows up to play the guqin for him the first time, NMJ asks JGY "what did you come here for," which suggests that NMJ is not generally expecting JGY to come by without a specific, concrete reason. The closest they ever seem to get after JGY becomes JGY is during these guqin-playing sessions, and as WWX describes it, "when playing the guqin, the way that the two conversed and got along even had a hint of the peace they had before they fell out"—which is certainly better than there being no peace at all, but which I think suggests there's still at least some tension, given that it's only a "hint."

Now, NMJ certainly cares about JGY, both in the sense of desiring his well-being, at first, and absolutely in the sense of being emotionally invested in him—even after his death, as a fierce corpse his only desire is to kill Jin Guangyao. But while they had a close superior-subordinate relationship—certainly NMJ seems to have felt close to MY—at no point was it a close personal relationship, and I don't think that NMJ even liked JGY (or MY, I'm using the name expansively) as a person, let alone was in love with him.

But mostly so far I've been focusing in NMJ's feelings. What about JGY? Is /he/ in love with NMJ?

Once again, I just don't read him that way. This isn't to say he didn't care for NMJ—he absolutely did! He goes to quite significant lengths to save his life from WRH in the Sun Palace, including quite a lot of risk to MY himself—I analyze that in a lot more depth in the first part of my post here, if you're interested, though I will also note now that he specifically sent for LXC to help NMJ. (You'll have to scroll down some; I'm responding to someone else's post.) Afterwards, he kneels to NMJ and apologizes, I think sincerely, for hurting him and for invoking his pain about his father's death. He certainly conceives of himself as owing a debt of gratitude to NMJ for recognizing him, and he's so overcome when NMJ offers to send him to his father with a letter of recommendation, saying that he didn't promote MY so that MY would owe him, that he quite remarkably can't even find words. NMJ meant a lot to him, and so did NMJ's not defining him in terms of his birth—until he did, of course, at the stairs kick incident. But as far as I can tell, there's nothing to suggest he has /romantic feelings/ for NMJ, and frankly—how can I put this—it does not at all surprise me that JGY isn't in love with someone with a violent temper who is noted at least twice to react to people explaining themselves when he is angry with even more anger, and that's even without the thing where he nearly killed JGY on multiple occasions and called him the son of a prostitute.

No, I think JGY's emotional journey with NMJ goes through three stages: first, he's deeply grateful to him and respects him a great deal, although he's also aware of NMJ's lack of awareness of certain social realities (see: the teacup scene, NMJ yelling at the other Nie cultivators about their treatment of MY and telling MY not to worry as long as his conduct is upright); second, after Sun Palace, still gratitude and respect but also a mounting frustration with his lack of awareness of the implications of JGY's social position and his hypocrisy re: acceptable violence; finally, after the stairs kick when NMJ kicks him down the stairs, almost kills him, and tells him what else can be expected from the son of a prostitute, he is completely done with NMJ, but is still very much scared of him. The gratitude, I've discussed; the frustration, I think is fairly obvious in the speech he gives back to NMJ at the stairs. But I think the fear is often undervalued, so I'm going to pull a bunch of quotes again:

Meng Yao shrunk immediately after his previous outburst. Watching Baxia slash toward him, he sprinted off at once, scared lifeless. Of the two, one striked with madness and the other fled with madness. Both staggered, still soaked in blood. In such amusing circumstances, as Wei WuXian chopped at the future Chief Cultivator, in his heart he split his sides laughing. He thought that if not for how Nie MingJue was under heavy injuries and lacked spiritual power, Meng Yao would probably have been dead already.

Baxia’s strikes were so menacing that Shuoyue had to unsheath. Lan XiChen stopped him, half to support his figure and half to block his attacks, “MingJue-xiong, calm down! Why bother?”

Nie MingJue, “Why don’t you ask what he did?!”

Lan XiChen turned around to look at Meng Yao, his face was full of terror. He stammered as if he didn’t dare speak.

Nie MingJue remained silent, while Baxia and Shuoyue continued. Meng Yao took a glimpse at the glares from the clashes of the saber and the sword, his gaze full of fear. After a while, however, he still took a step forward. He kneeled to Nie MingJue.

A moment later, Nie MingJue still raised his saber. Lan XiChen, “MingJue-xiong!”

Meng Yao shut his eyes. Lan XiChen also tightened his grip on Shuoyue, “Please excuse…”

Before he could finish his sentence, the silver light of the blade slashed down violently, onto a boulder on the side.

Meng Yao flinched from the thunder of the boulder splitting apart. Looking over, he saw that it had been sliced into two halves, from the top to the bottom.

Jin GuangYao nodded. Xue Yang had been infamous ever since he was young. Wei WuXian clearly felt Nie MingJue’s brows knit even tighter. He spoke, “Why are you wasting your time with such a person?”

Jin GuangYao, “The LanlingJin Sect recruited him.”

He didn’t dare to protest any further. Excuse being that he needed to care for the guests, he scurried to the other side.

[part of his speech to NMJ at the stairs] You think that I should be afraid of nothing? Well I'm afraid of everything, even other people!

Within the temple, three people called Nie MingJue’s corpse ‘Brother’ but the three tones were drastically different. Jin GuangYao’s face was full of a drowning fear. His entire body began to shiver. No matter dead or alive, the person Jin GuangYao was most scared of was none but this sworn brother of his whose temper tolerated no evil. As his body shivered, his hands shivered as well, and the bloody guqin string he clutched tightly in his hand also began to shiver.

Clenching his teeth, Jin GuangYao struck a few acupoints of his arm. Amidst the dizziness that came from a loss of blood, he suddenly saw Nie MingJue walk a step towards him, his eyes locked on him. He was immediately half-dead with fear.

Collapsed beside Lan XiChen, Jin GuangYao saw this scene as well. Whether because the bleeding and the pain intensified at his arm and stomach or from some other reason, the glisten of tears could be seen in his eyes. But before he had a chance to catch his breath or lick his wounds, Nie MingJue turned around after he pulled his fist back and stared hungrily in his direction.

The harsh, stern expression on his rigid face held a sense of judgement that was no different from before he died. Even his tears had been scared away as Jin GuangYao turned to Lan XiChen for help, his voice trembling, “Brother…”

I think the stuff with, you know, handling NMJ's fierce corpse and hanging onto his head is often viewed as evidence of JGY's continued emotional investment in NMJ, but... I don't really think so? First of all, NMJ's fierce corpse is completely obsessed with killing JGY. I'll spare you another round of quotes on that because this is already ridiculously long and because it's not at all subtle—it's all over the temple chapters, take a look! And second of all—well, there's ways of getting information from a corpse. In this case, NMJ's resentful energy is so strong that without the protection of his body, papernan WWX is actually sucked into NMJ's memories against his will! Sure, maybe no one would risk it, and maybe no one who risked it would survive, but especially given that NMJ's fierce corpse is completely obsessed with killing JGY, that's a heck of a risk to take. And look at the description of the protections around NMJ's head:

Suddenly, Wei WuXian noticed that one of the shelves were blocked by a curtain. The curtain was covered in sinister, blood-red runes. It was a talisman of forbiddance, one of extreme power.

Jin GuangYao walked over and lifted the curtain.

For a split second, Wei WuXian thought that he had been exposed. After the faint firelight made its way through the curtain, he found that he was enveloped in a shadow. A circular object just happened to be in front of him.

Jin GuangYao stood still, as though he was staring into the eyes of whatever was inside this shelf.

After a moment, he spoke, “Were you the one looking at me?"

Of course, there couldn’t be any response. He was silent for a while, then let down the curtain.

Wei WuXian quietly attached himself to the object. Cold and hard, it seemed to be a helmet. He then turned to the front. As he had expected, he saw a pallid face. The one who sealed the head wanted it to see nothing, hear nothing, speak nothing, and so incantations had been crowded onto the waxen skin. The eyes, the ears, and the mouth were all sealed tightly shut.

There's containment, it's suppressed to all hell and back, and JGY quite justifiably expects it to be murderously obsessed with him, but to me it doesn't suggest a reciprocal obsession—just more fear.

I'll also note that as a strategy for containing the information about his own involvement it's a very successful operation! It failed in the end /eventually/, but the failure needed:

someone who could successfully break into his private treasure room and escape without being caught

who could also perform Empathy or a similar tecnnique on NMJ's head and survive it

who could successfully recreate from memory the altered Empathy song

whom LXC would be willing to listen to

That's a heck of a tall order!

As to being done with NMJ after the stairs, well, listen to what he says to LXC:

[...]

Jin GuangYao, “It’s not that I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong, but that sometimes I really can’t help. Nowadays, I have it bad no matter which side I’m on. I have to ensure that I’m on everyone’s good sides. I wouldn’t care if it were someone else, but have I mistreated our eldest brother in any way? Brother, you heard as well. What did he call me?”

[...]

Jin GuangYao was almost sobbing, “If he could say such a thing when he was angry, then just how does he think of me on a daily basis? Is it that because I couldn’t choose my background, because my mother couldn’t choose her fate, I’ll have to be humiliated by others throughout my whole life? If so, then how is Brother different from the people who look down on me? No matter what I do, in the end, just a sentence and I’m ‘the son of a prostitute’.”

And then of course there's what he says to LXC, in his speech to him at the end: "You, on the other hand, ZeWu-Jun, Sect Leader Lan, are as intolerant of me as Nie MingJue—you refuse to spare me even a single breath of life!"

So—wow, this got very long—I don't ship them, and although I think they have very much mattered emotionally to each other, I don't really see them as ever having been in love with or attracted to each other.

A couple of end notes:

In MDZS, NMJ isn't the first (non-MS) person who recognizes MY's worth, although he is the first person to promote him; by the time NMJ promotes MY MY has already met, rescued, and exchanged intimate confidences with LXC, who respects him greatly and thinks he is highly talented (see again the conversation in Hejian which NMJ overhears/eavedrops on).

I've seen people talk about them not understanding each other, but while NMJ certainly doesn't understand JGY, it's not at all obvious that the reverse is true; he generally seems to understand him pretty well. I think he has two surprises overall: first, that he wasn't expecting NMJ to say he didn't promote MY so MY would owe him, and volunteer to send him to his father with a letter of recommendation—and second, he wasn't expecting NMJ, who for all his flaws did seem to ignore JGY's background in good ways as well as bad, to call him the son of a prostitute.

I definitely don't read the coffin at the end as romantic. Or I mean, uh, there's the romance of an obsessive stalker-murderer finally getting his victim, and that's not nothing (unironically; look, I'm a Hannibal fan), but I don't think it's usually what people mean. This is a shitty end for JGY, part of how thoroughly he loses and is destroyed. I think to some extent it might be that he doesn't want LXC to be the one who killed him, and to some extent it's an act of defiance—now that he has nothing to lose, not even his life, he's going to go out fighting. I would expand on this but this post is ridiculously long and I have way too many quotes, maybe I'll do it in a separate post later on—but if you look at the description of it in the text, plus the subsequent description of it in the coffin...yeah. JGY didn't want to die, he didn't want to be engaged in a mutually destructive thing with NMJ; he wanted to leave NMJ behind in the past, and move on. It's not, for him any kind of fulfillment, is my read.

All quotes are taken from the Exiled Rebels translation: ch 48-50 for everything about NMJ and JGY's past relationship, ch. 47 for the description of JGY's containment measures for NMJ's head, and ch. 106-108 for the quotes about JGY's fear of NMJ's fierce corpse. The description of JGY going into the coffin is at the end of 108 if you want to have a look, and there's more in 109 and 110 about the difficulty of sealing NMJ's fierce corpse/its power and violence.

#ship meme #ship negativity #this is so goddamn long #how many quotes can I fit in one post? dear god #also there's no way the coffin is actually staying shut for 100 years see ch. 113 #also I didn't want to rely on material that isn't in the final text but if you do look at the scene of JGY cutting NMJ's head off #the same theme of NMJ's fierce corpse's murderous obsession + JGY's fear are very much there #also I'm not sure I'd call it a notp exactly? like obviously I don't see it but there are versions of it I can kind of enjoy #but I figured I was being well by all accounts it doesn't make sense enough that I wanted to circle it as like. a warning XP #we can't change places #anger burned in his heart #more than one tag could contain #long meta

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