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askaborderline · 1 year

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I feel like i always fall for people who are literally unavailable. Either they live too far, or they already have an s/o or both. I hate being 26 and being single my entire life. Everyone i know has someone. Theyre all happily in love and they have good jobs and are moved out and i have no one and nothing except a job that doesnt pay well and a family that constantly emotionally and verbally abuses me. Ive regretted every single time ive told someone i had feelings for them bc they reject me, ghost me, or they already have someone. Im so so lonely and its so hard for me to make friends at college bc im 7-8 yrs older than those kids. And its even harder at work bc i feel like everything is superficial. That no one there is actually my friend, they just talk to me bc they work with me.

They say that no one likes you when you’re 23…. or 24, 25, or 26 I guess…

I think everyone can relate to falling for someone unavailable. While the internet is great in part because it creates a culture where we can connect with people around the globe, that of course means that we can’t always meet people in person. While there are plenty of people who can work around this, and do, that really isn’t the case for everyone.

I’m sure everyone can relate to falling for someone who also already has a S/O. The polyamory part of my brain wants to yell “That’s okay! Date them anyway!” But trust me we understand that most people do not want to date more than one person, and we run into that as well a lot.

And honestly, even if you do find someone, there’s no guarantee they’re going to be a good fit.

I’m sure you can find 100 posts out there telling you that you’ll find someone, it just takes time, and while those are of course well-intended, it’s not always a helpful message to hear. It can very easily come across the same way some toxic positivity messages come off.

As does messages that say things like “everyone is in a different spot in their life, it’s okay if you feel behind”. But it still sucks. We know this.

It’s very easy to tell people “when you turn 18 (in the US) you’re free!” but… it’s very hard to actually move out on your own and a lot of times it comes down between putting up with an abusive and shitty household or quite literally being homeless. “At least I have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in and food to eat.”

People can’t help if you come to them about having feelings for them and they already have someone and are strictly monogamous. People also can’t help if they simply don’t have the same feelings for you as you do them. But it still really sucks, and so does people ghosting you over it.

I understand not making friends easily at college. While I’m not 26, I am 23, but also I look 21. I haven’t made any friends in college either, and certainly the few acquaintances I have made are not anyone who would date me or I would even want to date.

And yeah, work place friendships are certainly a real thing- I see my coworkers come in and hang out with each other off the clock all the time, and I know they text and snap each other all the time, etc. I, personally, don’t fit in with really any of my coworkers, and do not have that. My coworkers very much only talk to me because they work with me.

The solution I see most people talk about is either going to events or try online dating. Well, I’ve tried online dating and personally it does not work for me, but at this point I work and go to school so much I don’t have the energy to be going to places on a frequent basis. Not to mention going places cost money, and if you don’t have your own form of transportation then you really aren’t going anywhere. I’m kind of tired of these being the go-to answers when people ask “how do I make friends in my 20s”, but I personally don’t have any other answers. If anyone else has any suggestions that aren’t “meet people in school, get a job, go to events, and try dating apps” I would love to hear them because I too am in this situation and all ears.

And I mean really even if you DO manage to overcome these things, seriously sometimes the relationship itself is worse than being single. I quite literally managed to attend a concert where a guy started talking to everyone around him and ignoring his clearly awkward little brother so I made a point to ignore him and talk to his brother which led to him pretty much asking me to help look after said little brother to which I was like ofc this guy is way cooler than you and I don’t want to talk to you but I ended up getting a crush on him and we started talking after and ended up in some sort of faux relationship that was very up-and-down and overall bad for me and culminated in him going to a different state to pick up his kid and get divorced while sleeping with someone else all while I was… back home… so like YEAH even if you do overcome all that and find someone it could literally go like that 😳.

But like. Idk. I have to have hope at the same time? Do I really think I’m going to end up with someone in 2023? No. But I really think that I personally have to have hope. Because I don’t have anything else. I don’t haven’t friends here. I don’t have things to do here, or if I do I really don’t have the energy to do them while being chronically ill and working 20-30 hours a week + being a full-time student doing 12-15 credits a semester… just because I didn’t make any friends last semester doesn’t mean I won’t make any this semester. Just because none of my coworkers want to spend time with me outside work (and that’s fine because the feeling is mutual) doesn’t mean that perhaps some day a customer won’t come in and see me and think that I would make the perfect friend (or more). But, uh, yeah, it hasn’t happened yet. My coworkers are either in long-term relationships or are getting dating apps and getting dates within a week and then that same night they’re telling me this having customers ask if they’re single and I’m like wow! That’s great I’m getting misgendered by other trans people because people apparently can’t even tell I’m gay. And then I come on to tumblr to escape that crushing reality and see my mutuals all in healthy loving relationships with 4+ people or finding a new budding romance at also 23. So then I vent about it to my online friends who all also have partners. Or I text my irl best friends back home about it who are just as neurodivergent as me so 48+ hours later (or a month. Or never) they respond with “damn that sucks sorry to hear that”. And then I sit at home and my mom goes “I’m going with the friends I’ve made! See you later!” And I just. Sit at home. And probably sleep because I’m exhausted.

I’m not going to push anyone to have hope. If you really don’t have any hope that’s fine. You’re allowed to sit and complain about how lonely you are. I’ll listen, at least. Because I very much understand. And even if I wasn’t in the same boat, I would still listen. I understand the feeling of feeling like it’s not going to get better. It really sucks. I do hope it gets better for you though. And me too. Maybe 2023 will be our year. Statistically if we’re going to find someone then the older we get is another year closer to that. It’s just the waiting that sucks.

#aab #mod spooky

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kikioffe-prime · 1 year

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I'm in a mood to write sooo here is s2 au shit thing idk I have too many idea in my brain rot of a brain andYeas c! Dream will suffer

He rested on his bed slowly drifting away. This day was a pretty long one compare to most days. He was mining with Tubbo. The Ram is pretty talkative.Dream likes him a lot. They brought a lot of iron and gold, some diamonds and emeralds found theyr way too but not much for a set or three for them all.

He was resting. Letting his body deep into a state of unawarness. Then he found himself in void. Before him was someone. Someone Dream never saw before. They looked like a ghost from theyr lack of color. They looked awfull. The amount of scars on theyr body was awfull. But it wasn't whether got his attention. No. It was the eyes. The exact same he had. Shinning brightly through the mess of long hair. They looked defeated. Weak.

"Hello there, new me "

The voice was the exact same as his, but a bit more echoi. 'New me' . It made Dream confused. So confused

"... You don't get it do you? You will understand in no time.... No matter what you do, do NOT use the revive book it ma-

They were cut short. Dream was dragged deeper down. He felt hitting the ground. He was laying on obsidian. On flating obsidian. He got up looked down to see a place be bombed. People be murdered. Withers kill anything that had life in it. People fight, scream, cry. He watched. He couldn't get up. He could only watch. He couldn't do anything else. He turned his head around he saw a man in a green hoodie stand further away from him. He had a white mask with a smiley face on it. Dream wanted to leave. He wanted to leave so bad. He couldn't bring himself to listen to death. Death scared him, it scared him alot. Then he felt get ripped apart.

He shot awake with sweat and tears rolling down his face. Tommy run into the room holding a fire aspect enchanted sword. He looked around just to see Dream hyper ventilating , deep in panick.

Tommy put the sword into his inventory, slowly made his way to Dream. The man was holding his head, knees to his chest and eyes completely shut. Tommy took Dream hands. He was shacking. It must have been a very terrible nightmare.

"hey Dream .. It's okey you are safe. You had a nightmare okey? It was just a nightmare. I'm still here, Tubbo is still here too. Just breath okey? Slowly breath in and out. "

Dream listened, slowly calming down. He felt exhausted. He wanted to forget what he saw. It felt real, too real. Tommy was reassuring him that he was okey. That he was home.

"What.... What time is it? I must have woken you up... "

"Ehh I was actually working on a new potion recipe when I heard you scream. I thought you were in deathly danger that's why I grabbed the sword.Annnd it's 2 am.You might wanna try to go back to sleep. I can stay here if you need it. "

"... "

"What's up with that face? Come on, you want me to stay but you don't want to look weak? You aren't weak. You are tired, you are just tired.Thats means I'm staying here until you fall alseep"

"I don't think.... That i-

"Then I will try to find a way to get you to sleep"

Tommy stayed. It didn't take long for hi. To fall asleep though. Dream couldn't sleep. He had hi seyes closed, he was laying down. He was breathing properly but he just couldn't let himself rest. Even for a moment. He layed there for hours until the morning sun came up. He was tired. So tired.

It repeated for weeks. Similar layout. The "old himself" warning him of things he shouldn't do. "Do not trust Puffy, it isn't her" "be weary of AwSamDude" "Don't play with death" and so on, later was him being shown the same man doing everything to hurt everyone. Always a tragedy shown to be caused by the man.

One night was different. It was one of the last ones. The man was in prison. Dream thought it ment a happy ending. That it was the end. He was standing before him. He looked sad. Dream couldn't feel pity for him in the slightest.

Behind him was a wall of lava. It began to lower itself. In the distance he saw two people. One of them he presuems is the 'AwSamDude' but the other he doesn't recognize.The second man was very professionaly dressed, as if he was going on a business meeting or worked for the mafia. He had a big scar going from his mouth all over his left eye. The man scared Dream. He didn't know why, but nothing good was coming. He stood on a platform that began to move. He was holding a briefcase.

Dream's fear of him was very much justified. The only could watch as he tor apart the man Dream swore to hate. Once it was over he could only watch the mangle mess that he was turned into. He was breathing. Somehow he was still alive.

He shot awake. It was horrifing. What he saw was wrong, So wrong. The rest of the final nights were filled with slow decay of the man. From someone Dream feared to someone he began to feel pity for. He shouldn't. He know he shouldn't.

The final night was only him and the old himself. Over time the ghost of the other was fading. This time. Nothing was going to interfere. He saw what happened. He saw as him and someone who looked just like Tommy finnaly found a way out. He saw how the nuke hit. He saw the obsidian be turned to dust.

"It's the end. Sorry for the trouble. You had to know. I had no other choice. Hey.... Thank you for lasting. Thank you for listening. Take rest now"

There was a long pouse before the other continued

"Check your inventory"

He woke up as the sun was going up. He slept. He actually slept. The sky was blue. He heard a knock to the door. It slowly opened. It was Tubbo.

"Hi bossman.I made some food....Oh you just woke up? Did you rest well? The last weeks you looked like a zombie. "

"Yea, I did. I think. What did you make? "

"Oh some rabbit stew. Get up its slowly getting cold"

"I'm coming, just give me a minute. "

Tubbo left. Dream was now sitting holding his head. "Check your inventory" was repeating in his head. So he checked it. There was something new. A book. The revive book. It made him sick. He was being something he shouldn't use. He shouldn't know the knowledge in it. He was told that there are only 2 ways of keeping the book from anyone else. Memorize it Or keep it in a enderchest. If he was silent.If He just didn't tell anyone. He could memorize it and keep everyone safe. That thing was cursed. It was a curse.

He was silent about it. Never telling anyone. He could finnaly rest. He was sleeping more but he still was using the night as a way to leant without anyone watching. He was hundred percent sure that he wasn't seen. That no one knew. And once he was able to write it down anywhere. He burned the book in a lava pool. Never to be read again. Never to be known. He was going to take this knowledge to his grave it mental keep the server safe.

He was so sure no one knew. That no one saw it.Yet he didnt suspect Tommy.He didnt suspect the blonde.

#c! tommy #c!dream #c!tuboo #c! diskduo #c!awesamdude #dsmp season 2 #dsmp #dreamsmp

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hobbitos · 11 months

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My ongoing mission to turn call of duty (military propaganda and recruitment tool: the video game) into an anti-war love story. How do i do this? Simple.

Youve got some kids. They joint he army,. For one reason or another. Each more cartoonishly stereotypical than the last. It’s almost silly. here’s one: Lets call him. “GHOST”. Traumatic childhood. violently abusive father. battered mother. cruel brother. Poverty. the army - an escape. Maybe if i am soooooo tough. Nobody will be able to hurt me anymore. Hes in the war. He is betrayed and tortured by the very officers they re supposed to respect, and obey. People can still hurt him turns out!!!!! People can still violate his trust and his BODYYYYYYYYY. He escapes. Hes got no family anymore. Except the military. he goes back. What other choice does he have. Hes their perfect little killing machine. So are all the other kids who joined for stupid cartoon reasons! They are all perfect little killing machines. What is their lives outside of this? Soccer maybe. gymnastics maybe. U dont get to see that hough. U just get to see the death. And killing. they’re betrayed again! by the commanding officers again! by the government! Now theyre killing again. Except this time it’s people who were, as of yesterday, their allies. there is a grand total of. Maybe 5 people they can trust on the planet. at this point.

As of right now theres just the two guys though. Lets just say for instance there’s just the 2 guys. the one who got tortured earlier. “GHOST”. let’s say he’;s one of them. And another guy. Hes worked with him before. we’ll call him, “SOAP”. remember when i mentioned soccer earlier. he’s the guy who likes soccer. They get along OK. they like each other. theyre allies at the least. First time they met, there was a choiuce between going after the target, and helping some allies. they chose the allies. “GHOST” regrets it. “SOAP” says, are you saying we shouldn’t have helped...? “GHOST”: Actions have consequences.

Anyway. this is later now. where they’re stranded and being hunted rn, same place "GHOST” was tortured. He just wants to AMSCRAY. He does. He hides in a church. "SOAP” will get there eventually. "GHOST” works better alone. The "SOAP” is shot though. Maaaaybe beleeding out. And he’s got to get to “GHOST” through all these cunts who were two days ago their allies and are now trying to hunt them down and kill them . By himself while bleeding out. "GHOST”, in the church, talks him through it though. the entire time all night. instead of just leaving. there’s levity but also very real about the circumstances. Life expectancy. Wont live that long. also intimate. “GHOST” calls “SOAP” by his real name. “SOAP” calls “GHOST” by his real name too. ET CETERA. SHOCKINGLY, "SOAP” makes it out. “GHOST” runs to meet him. ‘They’re scaping. "GHOST” is like, You made it. "SOAP” says, WE made it.

they meet up with one of the 5 people. this third guy says, no man left behind, no? “SOAP” gets the idea now, actions have consequences. He’s like no, not always. No hard feelings about it or anything, just knows thats the way iut is. That’s the way it was that night. "GHOST” shoots up straight. He says . Yes. No man left behind. Searing eye contact. can’t trust anyone in the organization we’ve dedicated our lives to but me and you. we can trust each other. We can call each other by our first names. Nobody else does this btw. Nobody else is allowed to. only you can get away with that. even out of the 5 other people on the planet who we actually trust. Just YOU. ^EVERYTHING ABOVE THIS LINE IS 100% CANON IN THE CAMPAIGN OF MODERN WARFARE II. Completely bananas. Like that’s just it. You torment two people . you strip them of their humanity. And YET! they find humanity in each other. You make them kill but they find peace in EACH OTHER! For once a person to touch them without intending violence! intending SAFETY instead!!!!

now. will they quit the military. and stop killing. No. never. THis is part of the tragedy. their lives are there. With each other. With the 5 other people. Where else would they go. But there’s love in it now. They made it. The military , the war did not enable this love. It was actively campaigned against. but they have it. there is love in the war but ther eis no WAR in the LOVE! #WIN

BARA SOLDIER YAOI FTW

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20cm · 2 years

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long letter (varying degrees of vulnerability and embarrassment) to someone(s), but probably mostly to myself, because ive felt absent and like a ghost for so long im not even sure where i should start

the concept of writing this feels incredibly silly for many reasons, including but not limited to the fact that ive already started it twice and felt dumb about how im wording everything. its not a unique experience and i find comfort in knowing that theres connection in how people feel emotions. but im also aware that if i never actually talk about it frankly without deflection or downplaying it that no ones going to know. and maybe some of you dont need to know, or dont want to.

you can stop reading this if you want then, genuinely this is selfishly for me needing to feel understood, because right now im not even sure i understand. this is just my little blog with people who follow me who dont know me, and those who do know me.

this letter is for the latter because im not sure how to say it to individuals and make it sound real, and sincere, and like im not just making up excuses for things maybe no one is looking for explanations for in the first place. but i feel each gap of time without saying Something to someone like a deep personal failure. like its my failure that a gap cannot be bridged because someone reached out and the shell of the person theyre talking to doesnt reach back. i struggle with feeling real, i dont blame anyone for leaving the ball in my court, im just sorry that its still sitting there. its not your fault

im sorry for being gone. both physically (digitally?) and mentally...im probably going to continue to be gone a lot. these periods of mental absence come and go but fact of the matter is that theyre becoming more frequent, or maybe just lasting longer

theyre hard to. work around. get over. which sounds like an excuse but im incapable of giving them at this point. its laughable how much im aware that maybe i dont owe the internet my time, but all my friends are online now, and its become increasingly hard to come to terms with how to balance where this intersects

i dont know how to feel healthily removed when the life i live outside my silly little phone+computer is painfully limited by a hundred factors, most of which i do not control, and the loneliness is suffocating

im also unsure how to not feel like im a whining child about all this. or how to not downplay my own feelings when i wouldn't dream of downplaying anothers, because im aware theres worse issues and also that its ok to struggle.

the feeling like ive failed every friend ive ever made haunts me like nothing else and its something im reminded of daily

knowing that one of the base responsibilities in a relationship with any human being is being present, but i have long periods of time where i cannot do that feels like a base failure at the most deep level. i cant and don't expect people to wait around forever. i will go months without being able to hold any real conversation with someone. i just dont want anyone to ever feel less cared for because of it, i think of everyone fondly

i think its also funny that logically i know friendships and acquaintances dont always last forever and that's okay. people are in each others lives for the times they need them and can keep each other. and you can always come back together if its wanted, but sometimes theres a lifespan and its fleeting, and you need to be okay with leaving people behind, and being left behind yourself

i think im just always used to my friendships having timers on them. when friendships last longer than a year those people become like extensions of my heart. i want everyone im friends with even for short times to feel warm and loved, because i know that life finds ways to bring people together and apart when it whims

i think im used to living like im on a timer in general. i dont expect things to last. im never under any assumption something will stay static. life is change. change is guaranteed. change isn't something to be afraid of

but it does scare me. intensely. i know that sometimes i let things go because the fight feels pointless. i know thats not always conducive to keeping relationships itself. i try anyway. im not sure it matters, but i want people to know that i Try. i feel that tug to Keep and Try so intensely

the problem is when i dont feel real, its hard to try. its hard to feel permanent. its hard to feel like anything matters. i get so used to floating as a defense mechanism that ive somewhat lost the ability to hold onto anything. everything feels like its running through my fingers. i tell myself itll all work out eventually

and it sometimes does. i have many lovely people in my life that are patient with me, and care in their own ways, and it makes me feel incredibly grateful and incredibly unworthy. everyone whos ever been patient with me when i disappear on and off for a few months deserves far better than i can give. im aware its not always about giving, but i feel like that by failing one of the core tenets of Being There most of the time im already asking for too much. i just hope that being there when i can is enough.

its harder to feel like any of these fears and issues are worth talking about when theyve plagued me for years. when ive tried to work on and patch the shortcomings and be Better for those i care about when it feels like i keep getting damaged in ways that set me back and make it harder to get back up

its hard to constantly explain myself as just going "through it" again. another week, month, couple months. especially when i know i could blame a lot of it on the last 2 years but that doesnt feel fair anymore. i know it's also my fault

so im sorry. genuinely and wholeheartedly. i know that i hurt people when im not present, when i stop answering and im barely there. i know its potentially uncomfortable for others. or who just worry. im also aware that theres people who probably havent given this a second thought, because theres also a possibility im making Up people who are mad at me out of my own self-loathing. i have no idea, because i know its also incredibly selfish to think im more than a passing thought when someone sees my name in a contacts list or online, but thats very unfortunately not how the brain works huh. im covering my bases at least

i want people to know im trying, that i care deeply, that im sorry, deeper. its hard to give proof of this. its also time i feel silly for having typed 38 paragraphs to post online like im doing a one on one therapy session with my little keyboard. its cathartic to say it out loud though. i spend too much time trying to be quiet. it feels like a waste if everyones time to put words to an experience that is not new to me over and over.

i am not always a perfect friend despite wanting to be desperately. i cant be there sometimes, and its funny (how many times will i say this) that once again im aware that theres no such thing. and trying is all anyone asks, and people will have plenty of friends who serve different social needs they have

absolutely mental to me that it Somehow feels life or death though. it feels ... dramatic to be so worked up about it, for years and years. or why Right Now is the breaking point in which i voice my very dramatic little fears

i dont know anymore, frankly. im trying to be real. im trying to be present. trying to remember what it feels like to feel looser and happier, instead of tightly wound and stuffed with cotton

i have post traumatic stress disorder, the months of september through february are already incredibly difficult for me. the month of march felt like i got my hopes up for nothing and the month of april feels like trying to come up for air

i feel guilty, lonely, and incredibly pathetic. its sad in hindsight and looking inward im aware its not all my fault, and its also not permanent

change is, as always, the only guarantee in life

but it means for the last half a year ive felt incredibly.....inhuman. a shell of someone. i don't know how to explain this to others without it feeling like an excuse. i dont want others to feel burdened by knowing they might have to sacrifice any comfort by being friends with me. its their choice to, its not like there's a single person on earth that doesnt come with baggage, but i feel guilty nonetheless. its hard to get over that sometimes. it used to be easier. it'll get easier again

i don't know what the point of this was. in genuinely do not expect anyone to have read any of this, im posting it and putting it into the wind.

but it felt like i needed to out it somewhere, remind myself that i always try. late last month i felt like giving up for the first time in a long while. needed to remind myself that i try. thats who i am. i keep moving. change is guaranteed. nothing is static, for better or worse

i am more than my illnesses and disabilities and i am worth patience and care, etcetera. if anyone needs me ill be trying to deal with my manic episode and little hallucinations

sorry if i disappear again. thank you for reading if you did. maybe writing this means ill feel better soon

#i call this one. bipolar maybe ft. ptsd its a banger #uhm. tl;dr if you dont want to read this is i have self-worth issues and insecurities about personal relationships #that i thought i long dealt with years ago but have cropped up because of my relapse . so. hi #im alive and fine etc etc. this is like. long as hell #you genuinely do not need to read this if its too heavy . i needed to get it off my chest. i dont know how much i like the idea of a like #a reminder of these feelings tho so i might delete it when i get the immense regret of putting something so deeply personal online #but don't worry if i get rid of it im just like. on day 3 of an episode

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muwur · 4 years

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snapchat headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for using snapchat w ur boi toi ft. the pretty setter squad

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.1k words

a/n: kinda a combo of how they use sc and the kinds of snaps they send you! along w wat u send them, and uh... dating stuf n shenanigans? texting/snapping habits? my fantasies? IDEK ANYMORE EOFHEFJ

this was born from the recesses of my mind , which desired nothing mor than snapchats from suga , us sending cute selfies , others bein dumb n chaotic , no context videos , n him snapping me photos of some mangoes on sale he said he’ll buy for me DXX it’s too late for me now

doing research on hq bois and surfing thru sc features (im just now realizing theres quite a bit?? im hoping i address most of them at some point lolol) instead of real life tings aHHhhhHAHA

requests: open! will be working on a suga one i got, dw, requester!

sugawara

✧ sends good morning and good night snaps

✧ so he’s rlly good at keeping streaks, probs has the longest ones (one of them being y’alls streak)

✧ posts tidbits of volleyball practice on his story every once in a while

✧ snaps you pics of his sleeping teammates when they’re coming back to school after a long day of matches , adding a single ‘❤️’ as a caption

✧ he will also create colorful masterpieces on all of them

✧ gives daichi a santa beard, tanaka a squiggly stache (i imagine it to look like spongebob n patrick’s seaweed ones now that were mEN), n kageyama sum angry brows,,, wait he already has them lolol u good der kags

✧ posts a picture of you when you’re hanging out, captioning it: “🥰“

✧ has conversations with you purely via snaps

✧ ranges from casual chats and checking up on u to crackwhoring ( ** indicates the photo, while the “” quotes indicate the caption, all snaps are italicized, otherwise its regular dialogue)

✧ suga: *peace sign* “hey sweetheart, how r u?”

✧ you: *pics of homework* “ahh, drowning in school ;-; i cant wait for this week to be over fghjkl”

✧ suga: *close up with :o on his face* “let’s study together tmrw!”

✧ or

✧ suga: *complete darkness* “its 3 am n i cant sleep”

✧ you: *the top half of your head, laying on a pillow* “ ;( aw babe. do u want me to send something to help u sleep?”

✧ suga: *still in darkness* “y u still up?? go sleep. n 🥺 yes pls”

✧ you: *snaps pics of feet* “that’ll be 50 bucks, pay up”

✧ suga: *darkness remains* “can we make a trade instead? i promise to make it worth ;)”

✧ ok now u BOTH cant sleep (im sry my crackheading be acting up around 2am eeryday, i stan a mischievous suga--)

✧ video chats (in the darkness lol) instead until you both pass out (im not in luv u r 😭)

✧ super down to take filtered selfies w you

✧ does all the silly ones with you (things like ’angry face’ or the frog one)

✧ but also rlly digs lookin cute with you using some heart crowns, y’all an aesthetic (n crakhead) duo fosho

✧ def subscribes to life hacks and tries them out himself, has a 50% success rate

kageyama

✧ doesn’t rlly use snapchat too much

✧ but when he does

✧ will either send you a picture to indicate he’s at volleyball practice (wow wat a sexi lookin gym floor)

✧ or some random picture of whatever he’s doing at the moment (*drinking milk*)

✧ this is mostly in order to save streaks

✧ he’s so bad at streaks

✧ “why does it matter?? what’s the point of sending just black screens or whatever’s in front of you at the moment??”

✧ can’t keep a consistent streak for more than 3 days and also doesn’t care (until hinata challenges him to see who can have the longer one)

✧ when you send him videos of him playing, he really focuses on them to try to improve his technique. asks you to send those vids to him (assuming u saved them, which u did)

✧ but when you look over his shoulder when he’s watching a video and give him some compliment (“i recorded at the perfect moment! that was a really good set, kageyama!”), he gets a bit flustered

✧ gets even more flustered but pretty happy whenever you post videos on your story showing karasuno winning some points with captions like:

✧ “footage of the legendary quick >.>” or “karasuno crows flyin high!” or “these bois make my heart 😭 im so proud”

✧ you WILL catch him off guard in photos, using filters that surrounds his head w/ emojis like 🥺💖🥰💘

✧ you also put these on your story (to his dismay)

✧ ppl comment on these mor than anything else (n for those who dont rlly kno kageyama, theyre kinda surprised to him like this)

✧ hinata snickers “hey kageyama you look pretty good here--”

✧ takes some selfies with you, mostly cuz you want them

✧ saves them after u send them over (n secretly cherishes them)

✧ occasionally watches his subscriptions, they’ll usually involve sports, mostly volleyball (who woulda guessed)

✧ you use his bitmoji to test out random facial expressions you would never see him wear

✧ you: “can you smile and wink like this? act like you’re the obnoxious charming guy in a shojo.”

✧ will actually attempt, but it looks so bad that you die inside and he never wants to try again cuz of ur laughing outburst (you: “😭😭 bb im sorry i couldnt help it”)

oikawa

✧ literally sends you anything and everything

✧ morning bathroom selfie to show off how good his hair came out that day, saying:

✧ “he has risen”

✧ or “i woke up like this”

✧ and my favorite, “you’re lucky you get this content for frEE”

✧ selfies with iwa, who just looks annoyed and exasperated at the camera

✧ sends you pics of his lunch and snacks (“bet u wish u had milk bread too”)

✧ always packs extra milk bread so he could convince you to stay at his practice after school--

✧ FILTERSS

✧ I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENUF

✧ will either use the filters that make him kayooottt (cute)

✧ loves the ones named ‘hearts,’ ‘soft,’ ‘peach,’ ‘butterfly cheeks,’ vsco filters LOL, etc

✧ uses ‘big mouth’ when he feelin a bit sASSY; also loves to use this one when he rants, it channels his inner valley girl

✧ sometimes he’ll be snacking or drinking something while he does so (“hey guys today im gonna eat these milk buns from my favorite bakery and this bomb orange juice and complain about this little kid who talked smack to me earlier and almost made me cry--”)

✧ takes cute selfies with you, is an aesthetic selfie king, puts them on his story to show off he’s hangin with you

✧ but on your story you only post the ones he looks bad in LOL

✧ has separate stories for his every need, some r private (and lucky you, ur included in all of them)

✧ titles them ‘mean things iwa said to me today,’ ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ ‘a day in the life of oikawa,’ ‘volleyball 🏐,’ ‘unpopular opinions,’ etc.

✧ fitting room photoshoots lol

✧ “y/n, what do you think of this??” “and this?” “oOH WHAT ABOUT THIS??”

✧ ends up calling you through video chat so you can live critique his choices

✧ “oikawa, please no, i can’t be seen with you in public if you wear those--”

✧ also changes his bitmoji’s outfits from time to time, hopes you’ll notice, but you don’t LOL (oikawa: ;((((((( )

kenma

✧ uses sc usually just to reply to messages ppl send him

✧ indifferent about streaks, but keeps a few with ppl he’s closer to

✧ mindlessly plays the snapchat games with you, finds some of them kinda cute

✧ you both made his bitmoji for him, dressing his up in the orange cat suit

✧ you also helped make kuroo’s and put his in the black cat suit to match--

✧ snaps you every time he gets a new game, starts playing it, and once he finishes

✧ started to post some gameplays and reviews on his sc story (might as well add them to sc since he was already on other social platforms), and ended up amassing a large following

✧ follows the tech and gaming stories on sc

✧ as well as the ones with cute animals--

✧ open to selfies with you, usually wears a calm expression and holds up a peace sign

✧ even occasionally sticks his tongue out

✧ his story is occasionally heavily bombarded with candids of him w/ pretty sc filters, all taken by you

✧ but of all the filters, you love using the clout glasses on him

✧ especially when he’s just minding his own business

✧ “kenma, in his tru habitat” when hes cocooned in a blanket

✧ “kenma, on his way to steal yo manz” while on his way to the bathroom

✧ “kenma, next iron chef. watch out gordon” as he’s cooking instant ramen

✧ “kenma” n das it

✧ but he thinks it meme-y so he lets you do whatever you want, kinda digs it

✧ you end up dedicating your snap story to memes of kenma and the nekoma volleyball team. ppl are in it for the shits n giggles n hot bois

✧ you later discover someone else did the same thing with their volleyball team filled with hot bois from shiratorizawa, and you befriend tendou and share funni internet tings

akaashi

✧ 99% of his photos include either you or bokuto or both

✧ bokuto spams akaashi’s story and contact list with selfies and videos of himself using weird filters, often gets you to join him

✧ has several streaks, but will send something with more substance than a black screen or his bedroom window

✧ will usually involve smthng that just happened to him or smthing he saw, like:

✧ “a kind older lady offered me some apples in return for helping her”

-or:

✧ “how do i break the news to bokuto that the yaikniku place he’s been wanting to go to for the past week ,,, is closed today”

✧ o n let’s not leave out:

✧ “is it possible to conjure a ghost using a wooden spatula, ketchup, and a chalk drawn hexagram? bokuto’s been paranoid ever since he tried last night and i dont know what to tell him. seriously, help”

✧ looks through stories occasionally, comments whenever bokuto makes questionable decisions

✧ also comments on whatever you’ve posted. his words range from “you’re cute” to “why,” depending on the content

✧ ppl know when y’all are hanging out cuz he’ll post smthing to indicate he’s with you, usually it’s some candid and you’re not paying attention

✧ appreciation posts for you as well! esp if you got him something, like onigiri or his fav, Nanohana no Karashiae , for lunch! (akaashi: *snaps a pic of his food* “thank you y/n for feeding me”)

✧ prefers video calling over texting/snapping whenever possible tho

✧ occasionally reminisces thru his sc memories

✧ enjoys the flashback feature and will send them to you and bokuto (cuz they’re about y’all anyway lolol)

✧ also has secretly saved a bunch of selfies of himself, consists of him trying out a lot of the filters (he feelin himself)

✧ you, one day, looking thru his phone and discovering them: “akaashi, you’re so pretty wtf”

✧ akaashi: “...”

koganegawa

✧ sends you selfies of him before practice

✧ during breaks

✧ and after practice, usually makes a comment about how it went for him that day like:

✧ “i hit a decent toss today and futakuchi actually complimented me!”

✧ that, or:

✧ “i got yelled at 17 times today 😢😩”

✧ has quite a few streaks, his longest ones being with you and hinata

✧ def uses filters

✧ tries out every funny one he finds and sends you videos

✧ “look y/n im an aaaaAALlliiEEENnnNNN oo oo hoo hhhooOOh”

✧ “now im a chicky nuggy!!” (chicken nugget)

✧ also enjoys the doodle feature

✧ but he uses the filter with the clout glasses unironically--

✧ usually when smth good happens to him and he feels happy and/or cool about it

✧ “just beat the boss in this game on my 69th try B)”

✧ “kogane, that’s--”

✧ plays sc games with you and thinks bitmojis r cool

✧ kinda sad he cant find a hair option that matches him tho lolol rip

✧ you: “you hair’s just,,, unique,,,”

✧ subscribed to anything sports and fitness, as well as pop culture so he can stay in the loop

✧ also watches everyone else’s stories, pointing out whenever he sees smthing cool and/or interesting

✧ “woahh, karasuno’s at nationals right now! i wish we could’ve won, but next year for sure!!”

✧ you encourage him at all his games, hyping him up irl and online

✧ “koganegawa: best setter 😍!!”

✧ luckily you didnt record the parts he completely messed up LOL

semi

✧ before going out with you, snaps you a pic of his casual outfit like:

✧ semi: “does this look ok”

✧ you: “babe you look great, tendou was just messing with you”

✧ will make unwanted appearances on tendou’s snap and complains to you about them

✧ “i didnt consent to being part of his meme page” and

✧ “okay, but he didn’t only have to share all the moments i messed up--”

✧ also indifferent about streaks but will do them

✧ sometimes sends snaps/streaks indicating he’s practicing his music

✧ when you see these you usually ask him to send you vids or if you can come over n watch

✧ initially is a bit shy about it but he loves what he does and you and knows you’re genuinely interested and supportive so he agrees

✧ secretly rlly enjoys having you as his personal audience

✧ lowkey into asmr, like the soap cutting shit as well as chewing crunchy things

✧ also watches food porn and clips of mukbangs, then can’t resist going on youtube and watching the whole thing

✧ “y/n, can we try this, it looks so good--”

✧ will also often watch oikawa’s stories, especially his ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ and makes comments about him being an idiot

✧ “this kid he’s talking about is a savage”

✧ but admits they’re quite entertaining

✧ just looks serious in all the selfies you take with him

✧ you: “can you look like you’re enjoying yourself?”

✧ semi: “i look cooler like this tho”

✧ sc memories filled with shenanigans from you and the volleyball team, doodles, and mirror selfies with him experimenting diff looks (you: “tendou, you got him way too concerned about this”)

✧ also enjoys showing off he’s with you, taking a short video of you when you hang out

✧ you: “semi, i look bad right now”

✧ semi: “but you can never look bad”

✧ you: “🥺 bb”

✧ viewers: “aw”

✧ shiratorizawa: “can he be this nice with us LOL”

shirabu

✧ his main mode of communication with you is mostly through the regular messaging app, so he doesn’t use sc too much

✧ also doesn’t care for streaks and is bad at keeping them

✧ will answer to you or his senpais rather soon tho

✧ but lets all his other notifications pile up a bit before finally going thru them

✧ goes through the snaps he receives really fast, spending like 2 seconds each to look at them cuz aint nobody got time for dat

✧ doesn’t even rlly open goshiki’s LOL

✧ you have fun using filters on him and taking videos while he’s just doing his own thing peacefully like studying

✧ it takes him a second to notice and when he finally looks up, he just gives you an exasperated look

✧ cue you cracking up with laughter bc the filter finally shows up on his face

✧ his eyes and mouth are now on mike wazowski

✧ that, or his face becomes so disturbingly moRPhed like an alien

✧ caption: “ken-chan, my future medical man 😍”

✧ “y/n, please, this is like the 7th time in the last 20 minutes--”

✧ finally convinced him to take a study break and hang out with you

✧ which usually consists of snacking and light banter while you lay your head on his lap

✧ and scrolling through snapchat stories and showing him what everyone else is up to and cool things you’re subscribed to

✧ “loooook, dr. miami’s doing another butt job! is this the line of work you’re studying so hard for?”

✧ “no, it’s really not”

✧ is actually very soft with you and likes having the photos and vids for memories

atsumu

✧ sends you snaps where his brother looks bad, captioning it:

✧ “this is evidence that im the hotter twin”

✧ likewise, osamu sends you snaps where atsumu looks even worse

✧ like, the mans passed out, looking rekt and open mouthed, drool seeping into his pillow

✧ osamu: “u still have time to break up with him”

✧ also lucky for you, atsumu also loves to take unflattering photos of you and send them to you randomly at like 2 am

✧ you: “nani tf when did you even take this??”

✧ usually posts a snap while he’s out somewhere like at a match, the gym, outside on a run, a party, or just hanging out with you or his frens

✧ however, makes sure you look good if you show up on his story cuz he wants to show you off

✧ doesn’t really care for streaks, but has a lott

✧ but also has a tON of unopened snaps

✧ is the type to send just a black screen n call it a day, or maybe spice it up by sending a pic of the sexi gym floor (a comeback) w his shoe in the corner

✧ will, however, consistently respond to you and kinda looks forward to ur snaps (secretly hopes you show ur face)

✧ but when you dont:

*in class*

✧ atsumu: *a smirk on his face* “your content’s kinda dry today”

✧ you: *your sexi desk* “my nudez ain’t free, i demand compensation”

✧ atsumu: *grasped his chin in thought, but angled the cam up bc he needa hide his phone in class lolol* “what if i... take you out on a romantic excursion”

✧ you: * your face but with ‘sausage’ filter* “🥵🥵🥵🥵 yessir, what u want”

✧ rlly only wants to have pics of your face wat a closeted sOFTIE

✧ likes to have content on his flashbacks

✧ usually has other social media sources to keep up to date with things

✧ actually rlly digs using sc filters, mostly ones that’ll make him look like a queen

✧ captions a selfie of you two like: “me >>>>>>> y/n”

✧ but nearly everyone who comments on it is like: “i think you flipped the sign, bro 🤥”

✧ judges ppl who are into soap cutting asmr (you will never hear the end of it if you also like it)

a/n: sc kinda dying for me, my use went from suga to an atsumu to like nearly nonexistent LOL

also o gawd i already have ideas here n there for a pt 2 so stay tuned fjxnwfesd hope it takes me less long cuz this one took me fkin foreva LOL

idk y i made semi like mukbangs but i feel like he’d be rlly into them--

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu reader insert #sugawara x reader #kageyama x reader #oikawa x reader #kenma x reader #akaashi x reader #koganegawa x reader #semi x reader #shirabu x reader #atsumu x reader #haikyuu headcanons

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mcd-ms-rants · 3 years

Text

I wrote the whole post and TUMBLR DECIDED TO DELETE THE WHOLE THING

anyways it’s finally here

take

STUFF I DIDNT LIKE ABOUT MYSTREET SEASON 4:

• ok but the animations here are great. actually tho they're so fluid and clear. Credits to whoever made them!!

• and now let’s do the real thing

• ok so first off this is where the actual plot starts. I know that some people were getting bored of the monotony of the slice of life episodes so they liked it. Again there’s nothing inherently wrong with having it but you have to remember that these characters most likely weren’t written to be in a plot and I say this because their personalities are funny and lighthearted. Their clearly meant for comedy. This also makes them redundant for plot since most of them a few characters barely have any development which is probably why like half the cast was dropped. im not sure how far back jess had planned the plot but needless to say most of the characters wouldn‘t be able to fit there. Travis, Katelyn, KC and the sk’s just dipped for the whole season and even when kc, Travis and Katelyn do show up in s5 their personalities really took a beating

• WHERE DID LAURANCE AND DANTE GO?? We never see them after s3. its probably because their personalities were too funny for plot but laurance was a shadow knight in mcd and since the whole of mys is so hyped up on the whole ‘mcd and mys are connected’ thing by all means he should’ve been there too

• it makes sense that since the lodge is jointly owned by the Ro’meaves and the Lycans, Garroth, Zane and Aaron- and by extension, Aphmau- would come along. it make sense that they would ask Lucinda for help- she’s a skilled witch and has been their friend since high school. theyre literally neighbors. it makes NO SENSE to being Kim- a girl whom they’ve barely ever interacted with and whom they barely know- to a place meant for close family to go to. Ok from a plot perspective yes Kim needed to be there but Aphmau logically doesnt know that yet.

• how does ghost/emmalyn even exist?? We’ve seen emmalyn and kenmur in s1 and they’re ok. not dead or anything. Yes I know that this is mcd emmalyn and she is directly referencing mcd Zane when she says that’s the only name she remembers from when she was alive but that raises two questions- first, how can both mcd and mys versions of her exist at the same time?? and second, what exactly happened between her and mcd zane?? It sounds like she either hates him way more than she loves kenmur (or she’d remember him too) that it’s the only name she remembers or its Stockholm Syndrome.

• I feel that since the plot demanded a ghost vessel thing that was the only reason Aphmau brought Kim. it’s pretty clear that Dante and laurance wouldn’t fit the role because of their personalities so she just remade an older character and changed her completely right down to her skin to fit the plot. her whole personality changes with it- look at her I mean she even becomes more open when she talks. Again this only happened because none of the existing characters could fill that role because IT WASNT MEANT TO HAVE PLOT

• no one likes you michi girl take the hint

• seeing liochant brings back meMoriEs

• what was that potion that lucinda made and which Garroth threw on Zane?? its clear that it cured him from the effects of the forever potion but the bigger question is WHY DONT THEY USE THIS IN S6?? Ok yes in s4 Aphmau gets freed by the power of love(TM) but that doesn’t mean you do that for everyone

• as someone who liked Laurance’s character I miss him :(

• ok there’s WAY TOO MANY PROBLEMS with Ein and his villain shtick. Ein is basically some obsessive werewolf yandere boy who has an unhealthy obsession with aphmau and hates Aaron. and the cherry on top is that Aphmau is his HALF SISTER. THATS INC*ST. That’s GROSS. What is it with Aphmau antagonists and not having a clear motive or backstory?? mcd Zane and Ein both suffer from this and it shows. there were definitely better motives to give him- he doesn’t have to be centered around Aphmau all the time!! And even if you don’t want to go to all the trouble of rewriting the plot you could at least make it so that Ein knows that he and Aphmau are related. Maybe he wants a perfect sister instead and he’s willing to go to any lengths to get her there. it would still be dark and serious but it would be SO MUCH BETTER than the current plotline. Also showing the contrast between his pdh and s4 self and then not giving any semblance of an explanation really makes it difficult to imagine where it all went wrong. yes Michael definitely had something to do with it but to what extent?? How much is Ein actually in control of?? Is he under the influence of a forever potion when he turns Zane, Lucinda and Aphmau to his side?? Is he still under its influence when he fights Aaron?? look I get that they can’t reveal everything but leaving out THIS MUCH and not even revealing it in s6 makes it very difficult to accurately nail Ein’s character.

• how is Aaron even revived?? is that Irene?? how is she here and what is she doing here?? Can we have answers pls. also it makes no sense that she saves Aaron TWICE- once in s4 and second in s6. How does death even work here if Irene can just swoop in and bring them back to life. i feel like none of the villains ever count as threats then because you know that a cryptic mysterious goddess who somehow looks just like your girlfriend will revive you.

• how did Aaron even survive?? No seriously how?? We know that there’s no service or wifi up there at the lodge so using their phones is out of the question. i don’t think Lucinda would be able to conjure up a whole medical team for Aaron. and they're on a MOUNTAIN. It takes precious time to get down from it. for context, even if they sent Garroth (since he’s the fastest) down to get help they’d have to wait for him to reach the village area at the base of the mountain, get a phone, call for help, wait for said help to arrive and get Aaron to a hospital. meanwhile Aaron is bleeding out from multiple gashes on his chest made at like point black range that are critical at best and fatal at worst. (his only saving grace is the snow he’s on which would help to numb the wound because its cold but he has like FIVE deep chest wounds and the snow isn’t even on his wounds.) Ya sorry I don’t see how he manages to survive.

• did I mention that I miss Laurance?? • Why is Aaron not at a hospital I don’t even see a ventilator or oxygen mask near him. Listen I’m not a medical expert but those gashes landed straight on his chest which means straight on his lungs and dangerously close to his heart. how is he alive. how is he not choking on blood right now. we know he’s bleeding out- I’m pretty sure one of the doctors even says “Mrs Lycan, we need to draw more blood for your son.” yes he’s bleeding out why is no one trying to idk stop the wound through pressure with a cloth or something?? (Note: it’s been a while since I’ve watched s4, so if I do get anything wrong thats why!!) also why are the werewolf doctors so chill about Aaron’s ultima eyes? like yes they’re doctors they could’ve been sworn to secrecy or maybe they work for the Lycans but Derek is shown to be really paranoid about anyone finding out about Aaron being the ultima. how does he know they won’t tell it to someone else??

k imma head out now-

thanks for reading!! <3 <3

#zane ro'meave #garroth ro'meave #aphmau #aaron lycan #lucinda #aphmau kim #mystreet #s4 rant #ya this one is longer than the others but I feel like the more the plot the more the inconsistencies

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troop52 · 3 years

Note

do u !!! have any character theme songs for the troop boys? Like any songs you think really fits them (and why u think it fits)?

THATS A GREAT QUESTION!!

Before I get into it Im going to plug this collaborative Troop Playlist on Spotify, feel free to add onto it!! Continuing with my picks

I think a lot of the songs I associate with The Troop in general are just because I happened to listen to them around the same time I got into the book in the first place (So they could only be tangentially related BUT only if you squint hard) Example: Drunk by The Living Tombstone, cant really tie it into the story but in my mind its linked Some better, more fitting songs under the cut (Side note its LONGGG IM SORRY... Also its all YouTube links because some of these arent on Spotify :'^()

Disclaimer -Like 95% of my choices arent really a "These lyrics match up exactly 1 to 1" but more of an overall "the vibe/general idea its trying to capture lines up" type thing. If that makes sense.

Its Alright by Jack Stauber: Kind of self explanatory, I think its a perfect song for these guys. From "It's alright, I'm here, Everything's alright, Feels weird but calm, I wanna hear It's alright" to the whole sound of it- its all great. Equal parts distressing and sad with an almost eerie calmness to it. Despite it all theyre gonna be alright, right?

The Second Little Piggy by Worthikids: Another one that I think is sort of self explanatory- at least with the chorus. "If my brain turns to mush, If the shit hits the fan, Will you be my friend?" Kind of the falling apart of everything, specifically their relationships, in light of the incident.

Poor George by James Supercave: Another case of "listened to at the same time I read the book" BUT I was actually making a Troop PMV script with that song. I never finished it but maybe Ill revisit it... just for you

Cold Summer by Le Matos ft Computer Magic: I dont even think this takes place in the summer but the VIBES and also it came from Summer of 84, which is another good piece of murder boy media.

Treehouse by Alex G ft Emily Yacina: This is a Eef and Max type of song because they are bffs and thats final. Basic song because Im not creative, but I think its a nice heart to heart theyd have (with Eef doing the talking)

Fifteen Minuets by Nick Krol: On the flipside heres a song that goes with Eef and Maxs friendship fracturing, once again more from Eefs side than Maxs. THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGG

As far as songs for the boys as individuals hmmm thats a good one that I havent thought about as much...

MAX + The Ghosts by The Real Tuesday Weld: That survivors guilt... lyrics arent like a perfect match but I think it gets that sort of hollow feeling across. Hes haunted man... + Final Girl by Electric Youth: Ok its a little funny because har har Final Girl Trope but I mean HE IS ONE. ANd dont look at me its a nice song- "Others were gone, and you kept going on, You know they never really noticed, you were always different, One by one, They're all done, And you're the last one standing" + Going Grazy by Lonesome Wyatt and the Holy Spooks: HONESTLY this could go for all the characters but Im tagging it onto Max because hes the one who has to deal with the aftermath of losing everyone (sorry survivors guilt Max again </3) "Everyone's saying my mind is unsound, 'Cause I always see you when you aren't around" "They're gonna wrap me in a jacket of white, And lock me away in a room without light" is what cements it as a Max song for me

EEF + The Existential Threat by Sparks: Once again starting sad, I link this one specifically to his paranoia about the worms- especially with lines like "Can't they see the existential threat is on its way". Kind of exasperated no one else can see the danger (he thinks) hes in. + Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother: I know I know its basic but I cant help it!!! Eef anger issues arc we are shaking hands me too + Haunted by Laura Les: Eef struggles with people seeing him as "just like his father" and I think we can get some good angst out of this track if we keep that in mind. Especially the back half of the song with lyrics like "Do you think I'm frightening?" and "Mirrors shatter when I'm passing, broken glass and crashing" since he is just a reflection of his dad (to others at least). Also song good.

KENT + Goodbye Mr A by The Hoosiers: Mfw the disillusionment with authority sets in. I think the vibe fits when he had that little epiphany about how adults are fucked- not perfect but it gets the idea across me thinks. + I'm Gonna Win by Rob Cantor: Ties into his need to "win" aka be the best at everything, be in charge, all that jazz! Hell do whatever it takes to be successful, even if it hurts. That was a little emo + Toba the Tura by Forgive Durden ft Chris Conley: Not to be emo again but "They say you're gifted, well I just see a scared kid. They must have flipped it, your skills are latent. O, you snuffed the glow. Replaced it with coals. Threw away the throne... This mess that you've made, it's a six-foot grave. It's a home for your lonesome bones that remain. We'll disappear, but you'll stay here to rot" AND SO ON AND SO FOURTH representing his fall after it was revealed he was sick. He was referred to as "the uncrowned king" and was on top of the world but then POOF that all crumbled and it was made out that he basically deserved what happened to him. It would be fun to make a pmv of him with this song (Simplifying my thoughts a bit because Ive already written a LOT)

NEWT + I Earn My Life by Lemon Demon: Ok a little Kentcore but Im actually having a hard time coming up with songs for Newton so here we are, they can share. Newt existential crisis moment time I guess + Know How by The Crane Wives: POV Newt struggles with going through with the plans he makes to keep everyone safe (stopping Max from touching Kent, going back into the cabin, etc) "I am not brave, I am not brave, I keep my focus on what is safe, You drew a line, made up your mind, And now I'm struggling to realize" And also maybe struggling with his place in the group and as a person in general- all that living through his cousin thing. "I gotta wrap my head around, What my heart is telling me, I've been trying to drown it out, Just because I know what I am, I am supposed to do now, Doesn't mean I know, Doesn't mean I know how" + On The Outside by Oingo Boingo: Idk man. Hes on the outside lookin in!! Loner nerd!! Its ok though, we still love him

SHEL + Bad Blood by Creature Feature: The lyrics speak for themselves: "I can guarantee I will do evil things, The only way that you can stop me now, Is if you put me in the ground, Somewhere I'll never be found" + Frontier Psychologist by The Avalanches: Hinges on the fact that the principal or whoever was like "Your sons a freak" and Shels mom was like "HES PERFECTLY FINE" while Shelley was like dismembering an animal or something + Johnny by American Murder Song: The songs good but theres this ONE LYRIC that sucks so the link provided is an edited version and also a lovely Warriors oc video I think you should all enjoy and support <3 Anyway Shel would be Johnny I could see this song being a scene in the book. Field trip to Shels house and they find his murder garden

If anyone wants more for Im not opposed to making another post :^)

#SORRY THIS TOOK A BIT #I had to use my brainpower and I am very easily distracted #max kirkwood #ephraim elliot #kent jenks #newton thornton #shelley longpre #the troop #the troop nick cutter

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acaciapines · 3 years

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@mallowstep

woulda sent this as an ask but uh. moth ghost au wont leave my head and this got. long. hope ya dont mind i think about hawkfrost and mothwing A Lot.

under a cut bc. again. long.

bc see the thing is. if i were to do a moth ghost au. the kids are all young when she dies (at least, i think? idk their timeline, i’m assuming they’re like, 3-4 months, so, youngish), so it’s like...ghost sister? ghost sister. sasha cant see her because it’s no fun if she can, so we get hawk and tadpole, both who feel like they’ve killed their sister, both who are kids and cant deal with that grief. but like...moth is right there! she’s right there! she’s still their sister even if shes a ghost and as they get bigger and lose their kit-fluff she stays the same. she’s their sister.

but sasha....sasha just lost one of her kittens, nearly lost the other two, and now the remaining ones are talking to moth as though she’s still there? cats dont leave ghosts behind--cats aren’t trapped like that. humans are, sasha was a housecat and she’s seen how humans pace around their houses, but cats are sneaky lil guys. cats arent trapped to the earth like people are. cats die and leap into the sky and become the world.

moth isn’t stuck, moth is the world. so sasha tells her sons that their sister isn’t a ghost with them, but she’s the world around them--the prey and wind and sky.

hawk and tadpole look at each other, at their very-much-there ghost sister, and are like....yeah sure mom.

so we get a hawk and tadpole who refuse to let moth go. it’s hawk who clings to her the most, i think--he acts as though nothing happened, as though nobody drowned. tadpole is...starting to listen to their mom, a bit. he knows moth is there, but...should she be? nobody should be trapped like this. her spirit deserves to move on.

“we should help her,” tadpole says.

“she’s fine,” hawk says, “she’s right here, and she’s fine, and i’m not going to let you kill her again just because you have something against ghosts.”

and tadpole doesn’t ask again. he was the first one out out that basement.

eventually the kits end up in riverclan, and tadpole doesnt really talk about moth to anybody. like, he still acknowledges her, but only when they’re alone or it’s just hawk. hawk, on the other hand, doesn’t care! sure he’s like, 6 moons old, and moth is still stuck at 4, but! who! cares! and so while the clan teaches them their clan ways, teaches them about starclan, tadpole listens and he’s able to find some comfort in the idea. that theres a place his sister can go, can move on to. he’s always liked the stars. moth will, too.

but hawk...

well, the thing is, hawk’s not a clan cat. he’s got a clan name, now, he’s down a mother and he’s a very young kid staring up at these riverclan cats, but he’s nothing if not stubborn, and he’s clung to his sister thus far and he’s not about to give her up.

the clans dont think much of other religions. they tell hawk and tadpole that there’s no such thing as ghosts. dead cats go to starclan, and only clan cats, at that--your sister isn’t there, why would she be? she died a loner. but dont worry, now you’re here, in the clans, and when you die, you’ll be together in starclan.

“it’s stupid,” hawk says, to moth, alone in their den, “who cares about starclan? thats not mine, and its not yours. if you’re going anywhere it’s the wind, not the stars.”

“did you see that one thunderclan med cat apprentice at the gathering?” asks moth. “i thought she was pretty.”

“never change,” hawk says, fondly.

but he starts to think. as he starts to spend more and more time alone, with only moth for company. and moth is moth but she is...a ghost. she’s trapped. she doesn’t grow and change like a living cat does--at this point she doesnt even know why she’s still around. something about...drowning, maybe? it happened so long ago. she’s just happy to have her brother with her.

tadpole worries. hawk pushes him away. tadpole tells him they have to let their sister go. that they have to move on--that he loves moth too, and he misses her every day, but they’re clan cats, now. they have to be the best they can be, so nobody else is ever hurt again.

so i dont hurt anyone again, he doesnt say.

because tadpole doesn’t think moth’s ghost is around, either. he’s stopped seeing her. maybe he never did. maybe he was just a kid who lost his sister, who killed his sister, even if on accident. maybe he never was able to cope with that.

he wont see his sister in starclan. he probably wont see his mother, either. he doenst know what happens to loners. sasha told them, once. the wind and the sky and the leaves. becoming a part of the world, again. energy that can never truly die, just change shape.

but that was so long ago. he’s nearly a warrior, now. who remembers the stories they were told as kids?

anyways.

hawkpaw becomes the medicine cat.

he’s got two sets of beliefs rattling around in his head--starclan, everything the clans are telling him, and half-remembered stories from his mother, that moth remembers best of them all, forever trapped as a 4 moon old kit. and somewhere along the line these have been mashed together, into one big: starclan isnt letting moth in, because she died a loner. starclan wont ever let moth in but they’re going to take me when i die and i wont let them. i wont let them tear us apart.

it’s not easy. riverclan says he’d need a sign to become a medicine cat, but since when have the dead done that? they’re dead. moth is a ghost at his side, and she watches the flowers, and the bees, and remarks about thunderclan medicine cats that hawk can’t help but be begrudgingly fond of, if only for her.

but he can do this. he has to.

hawkpaw fakes a sign. hawkpaw becomes medicine cat.

hawkpaw goes to the moonpool, and the stars tell him the same thing the clans do: there is no place for your sister here. our heavens are for worthy clan cats only.

hawk is still the villain here, just...in a different way. if this were a warriors book he’d be a villain flat-out, a med cat turning his back on starclan, who lied and cheated his way into this role, who never cared about anybody but his dead sister. but this isn’t a warriors book.

tadpole is the hero. hawk looks at the stars and tells them to their faces if you wont let my sister in, then i’ll make you regret it. i’ll show everyone that you’re nothing. that they worship cats that arent even ghosts. cats that are trapped. maybe youre wrong. maybe moth isnt the one youre keeping out. maybe shes the free one.

hawk plays the long game, though. gets his full name. learns medicines, how to heal.

how to harm.

moth watches him from the shadows. tells him kit-stories about rebirth.

the clans dont believe in that. hawk doesnt know what he is. he doesnt either.

theyre all trapped. thats what he believes.

he sets a trap for mudfur. a fox-trap down by the lake. then he, hawkfrost, will be the only link riverclan has to the stars, and he won’t listen to a word they say.

tadpole is the one to find out, to intervene before mudfur dies. to say hawk, you betrayed us all!

you betrayed me first, says hawk. me and moth both.

moth is dead! says tadpole. you can’t let her go!

you follow the words of the dead, says hawk in return, thats all the clans do. all mudfur did. he didnt want me to be his apprentice. he needed the dead to tell him what to do. what kind of life is that? and if you agree with what he did, how is it any different than me and moth? at least i know she’s real. that she’s our sister. the clans would let her die.

and so tadpole kills his brother with a stake through the heart.

he thinks he can see moth for a second. a flash against the blood.

hawk dies. he doesnt die a clan cat.

was it worth it? tadpole asks.

im going to be with moth, hawk says. youre going to go to starclan.

why dont you answer that question?

...

yeah thats my moth ghost au. is this anything? who knows! its certainly not in any way fleshed out, just the barest bones of an idea. i want leafpool to still get her ‘blood will spill blood’ prophecy--maybe she and hawk become friends, somewhere in there. who knows.

ghost moth man. fun to think about.

#warrior cats #mothwing #hawkfrost #tadpole #i write #anyways time to go to bed its fully one thirty am #i have to wake up early tommorow #i have plans #this is what warrior cats does to you

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catravandece · 4 years

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Oh my god ok wangning au based on this incredible art by @alfheimr (cql canon cuz im most familiar w/ it)

Knowing that lwj would probably rather spontaneously combust than willingly return to koi tower it’s sizhui who comes back from a guest lecture at 11 years old and says “hanguang jun, jin ling’s family has a corpse chained up in the basement?”

A few days later said chained corpse shows up on his dads bed looking extra morose and tortured while lwj heals various cuts and pops his leg back into place

they try to keep sizhui away at first, stop his memories from triggering to protect him from the realization that the world he loves made him an orphan twice over. but the kid is doggedly persistent and after a few visits it seems like nothing will happen. lwj introduces wen ning as “someone who needs us”

(sizhui is newly seventeen when he makes the connection- this is wen ning. hanguang-jun was friends with the yiling laozu who controlled the ghost general. both hanguang-jun and wen ning act like they’ve lost someone they loved. sizhui dreams that night of a blurry, charcoal covered face feeding him soup but the hands are so familiar. he spends the next day in the cold pond and vows never to bring it up to either of them)

Wen Ning lives in a long forgotten shrine just inside the border of cloud recesses closest to the jingshi. it’s only big enough for a few mats and most of the roof tiles are broken but it’s safer than bringing wn to the jingshi. When they find out who the martial god is that the shrine was built for they take care to always make sure his idol statue has a white flower to hold.

in beginning visiting is mostly just sitting in companionable silence. its easier when hanguang-jun brings sizhui, who asks some hard to dodge questions but is content knowing his dad has a friend. wen ning helps him with talismans (all of wwx’s work that the cultivation world still dares to use).

wen ning makes a fire pit so at least lwj can have tea. maybe it’ll entice him to stay longer...

jin guangyao comes by soon after the stealing. he makes noises about visiting xichen but wangji sees his eyes darting around corners and past the treeline. A paper man trips the outer wards of the jingshi

lwj goes to the temple after escorting jgy out to find holes punched in every wall, broken tiles scattered over the floor and wen ning crouched terribly still amid the wreckage (a normal man would be heaving with sobs but wen ning is dead and can only smash out his feelings)

wangji sweeps everything into a pile and then starts playing his qin. he only plays wei ying’s songs. wen ning doesnt move for hours until he suddenly just falls over on his side.

wangji hadn’t known until then whether or not wen ning actually needed sleep. turns out he doesnt need it but can be persuaded into it

lwj lays out two mats and they sleep through the night (fitfully, wen ning reaches out in his dreams and grabs the front of lwj’s robes. lwj holds on to his wrist the rest of the night)

Lwj was never resentful toward wen ning. Wen Ning kept wwx safe when wangji could not. Wen Ning is obviously in love with wei ying but at this point it’s a blessing to be around someone who doesn’t hate the love of lwj’s life. It takes a few days to get the words out (which wen ning spends constantly fearful lwj is gonna kill him for real for failing to keep wwx from dying, which would be just what he deserves) but lwj knows now to tell the people he loves what is important. So he doesn’t let this misunderstanding lie for very long

lwj feels guilty. even though he was enthralled, if lwj hadn’t intervened then wen ning could have spent this time in blissful ignorance, unaware of the miserable fact of wei wuxian’s death. but at the same time lwj is comforted by having someone to weather the grief with. someone else who loved wei ying (he doesn’t know it for a long time, but wen ning thinks the same)

one night wen ning follows lwj out on a night hunt. he makes sure to follow unseen- but ends up intervening when lwj takes on many more ghouls than he can handle.

wen ning understands that this is lwj’s coping mechanism, throwing himself into the chaos, but he’s already watched one person he loved drive himself to ruin so he does everything possible to keep hanguang-jun in one piece, physically and mentally

so they night hunt together. wen ning gets to help a-yuan grow up (although he’s walking on eggshells the whole time). every year he helps lan wangji make a fire outside the temple and they burn joss paper. the rabbits love wen ning possibly even more than they love lan wangji and like to chew on his robes (wen ning lets them bc he is a noodle)

the art happens here bc only healing around the bunnies

grief and moving on family ;~;

Bonus wangningxian

lan wangji would never let wn accompany him on night hunts when other sects are involved, but something about both jiang cheng and jin rulan and sizhui being at dafan mountain makes wen ning follow. he felt a major disturbance in the world just a few days prior. worrying never did wen ning wrong yet

he pretends to still be enthralled so the others don’t suspect wwx summoned him intentionally (of course he knows it’s wwx under the mask bc power of love and also nobody else is strong enough in demonic cultivation to control him)

when wwx asks next time they meet in yueyang, wen ning pretends to not know who broke him out of koi tower. he can save face for lan wangji that way. and besides, anyone can see that lwj and wwx are the kind of soulmates wen ning will never be to someone.

lwj lets it slip anyway while he’s wasted. wwx accurately guesses at wen ning covering for lwj but is still an oblivious idiot

after the golden core reveal wangji and wen ning both carry wwx away

wei wuxian wakes up in a boat with his head in lan zhan’s lap and his feet tangled with wen ning’s boots. theyre nice boots- like something lan zhan would buy in white

they go to the guanyin temple. wwx is thankful that wen ning and lan zhan have had each other all the years he’s been dead. he wonders aloud if sizhui would be friends with wen ning now that they’ve all met, because obviously wen ning didn’t know any of the juniors until yi city

this is getting long so everything else happens as usual, wwx still goes on his lonely mental healing vacation, he runs into sizhui and lan zhan and wen ning on a night hunt on his way back and realizes watching the three of them interact that they’ve already been 3/4 of a family just waiting for him to come back

and it was all Gay and Good the end

#it speaks #the untamed #mdzs #wangning #wangningxian #god just let me die on this rock #i have a lot of feelings about wangning as u can see #pls no more lwj being aggro jealous of wen ning #the emo about wei wuxian alliance

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startwithbrooklyn · 3 years

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THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 30, 2019 // larkspur lane/the whisper box

this post is a double whammy cause they have 2 eps happen in the same day if u can believe it (thats how awful judging timelines in this show is!!)

-"hi josh..." LMAOOOOOOO

-BESS just breaking in lmaooo how many god damn times does bess just shit the bed in this show

-LOVE her frowny face at nancys closet ("my expectations are low" lmfaoooo but this would totally be me)

-"bet she meant it metaphorically" okayyy but then why did lucy say that at all? i feel like theres defo more to this story, combined with josh's cagey behavior (part of which is to get nancy to stop looking into shit d/t him and karen but still)

-"they dont accept visitors unless they're family" .....🙂

-ace "youre really good at that" to bess i fuckin love this friendship with all my heart (also love their talk at the claw mirroring nick & nancys talk in the last ep)

-also PINK AND ORANGE BESS ARE U BLIND (also 1) why tf would nancy own this and 2) where would she wear it??)

-okay wtf is vampire dip

-"boss??" see this is what i meant yesterday about nancy ruining everything for nick/george

-god DAMN she sucks at dealing with this news lmaooo that emotional competency babey + love george literally agrees to help bc she feels bad (AND nicks immediate look of "you just reprimanded me for helping her last ep and i know why youre doing this rn" lmaoooo)

-LOVE george noticing nick "shout out to jean valjean" lmaooo once again nancy would never have noticed/commented on something like that

-"get the hell out of here" was this foreshadowing for an epic dad joke for these two eps? "how do you make holy water? you boil the hell out of it" 😂😂😂😂

-so what i dont get about the whole haunting is the ball + kids' laughter but its all the emphasis on "mr roper" the adult? wtf like what kind of entity is this

-"how did you ever have a solo career??" 😂

-okay amaya's hair is gorgeous here (also "you feel like a snack" ....👀) *ahhh so the reason bess feels so off balance is bc its like a top vs a top scenario

-has anyone who's ever been to prison confirmed this is what it looks like?

-love how ace is the only employee there when they all leave so he had to fucking close the place when he goes

-why does she take the whole file? time constraints? it'd be smarter to take pics + replace it (better sleuthing) but this place is clearly not well run anyway 😂

-so this is a pretty decent cover she invents but theres no way she would get away with it so easily for a real guard

-love how ace recognizes ryan's car (+ is able to find it by driving around)

-"my father wouldnt do anything like that" LMFAOOOOOO SIS WHY ARE U DEFENDING HIM ironically, ace is actually the best person suited to engage w ryan here d/t the car accident + connection with laura being ryans SIL. its a unique set up

-i am fascinated by the concept of priests + holy water being so effective here combined with mcginnis' beliefs and basically nondenominational ghosts/seances etc after that. the show is very clearly big on diversity but definitely steers clear from too much WASP stuff yk? wonder if other stuff from christianity works against the ghosts/demons like taking refuge in a church "holy ground" or using silver etc

-"did this start after the night of sept 10?" *this is where you get the time line for the seance if you didnt know

-this is so fucking funny when u realize that patient sal talks to is actually a ghost so sal really is psycho i guess 😂

-bitchsplain/tall jar of mayonnaise 🙏🏻😌 2gether 4ever

-how did ace get this van? also heart attack when he yells at carson (but then grins at him like a goofball lmaooo)

-"for nancys sake and yours" damn she owes ace big time for all this shit

-"what do we do for 7 minutes?" ...ummm play 7 minutes in heaven lmaooo 👀🥵

-was not expecting ace to look this sexy holding an axe but okay (*ah, its his short sleeve shirt showing his arms. usually hes a sleeves guy)

-"desperate for attention" nancy (from gomber) vs "bc she's starved for attention" patrice --> lucy (and candace also...) we know nancys detective work makes her seem like an attention seeker, but what was lucy doing to make them all think that? she was trying to hide her relationship with ryan, not expose it. unless they just mean the rumors about her?

-so is patrice hiding lucy's "truth" talking about lucy being a whore or lucy being a ghost? what is lucy's secret? did patrice guess she was pregnant or did patrice's somehow garbled mind remember tiffany trying to show patrice the video with lucy on it?

-wonder what captain thom thinks of this stand off w ace lmaooo

-"like you do?" top v top shenanigans

-how awko for carson to talk to karen again like this

-"oh no" ACE 😂

-love how amaya says "be a human" like shes kind of admitting people in rich circles typically arent (^this is an interesting focus in s2 when bess's rich family rejects her, thus making her human again, but nancy embraces her rich fam and experiences subsequent moral struggle which is predicted with the wraith)

-wonder what ryan thinks he could get from the marvins (which he cant get now lmaooo)

-this damn whisper box. so many questions. who named it the whisper box? why are the ropers' old possessions still there? who decided to build a mental hospital on top of it? and patrice! she "hid lucy's secrets" hannah gruen thinks tiffany tried to show patrice video w lucy on it, which patrice then specifically says she hid in the thin mans book. so patrice knows of the thin man? can she see him? does she know he was a ghost/supernatural? she must have a supernatural sense to know about him (unless sal told or some shit) so then when tiffany shows up w/ lucy being supernatural in it patrice hides it to protect her? is this why she is "crazy" kinda like victoria? supernatural elements or ability to sense ghosts makes her unstable? this is why lucy being a ghost/nursery rhyme that she repeats makes patrice worse/"stroke"? how did patrice even get into the whisper box to put the key in the bible and get out without getting trapped? also, her dementia --> lucidity is really fucking off, some people mildly switch like that but usually with dementia they cant even register new shit anymore

-...so did bess take the ride? 👀

-interesting how celia says "your father will be disappointed" but nothing of her own opinion. wonder how much celia truly puts up with to keep everett calm and nonhomicidal

-like george asking nick follow up questions that nancy never really would have asked

🥞🥞🥞(ep13)🥞🥞🥞

-is this bitch just eating a plain pancake with her bare hand?

-"extra case load and excessive volunteering" ugh. nancy's family here are like, gross in how "good" of people they are // unrealistic, trying to paint carson in the best light/ no way ryan could ever compare (but the reality is theyre not that good of people for lying about nancy) **and shes arrogant to think shes better than everyone else ie the only one who truly lives virtuously, thinks she can do no wrong sometimes even tho using sex to cope, breaking and entering, etc is not morally "good" stuff she still thinks she is the only one who doesnt lie and plays fair (like in the pilot she lists everyone else as a suspect but herself- obviously we know she isnt guilty but no one else does. (i mean in theory we really dont, what if nancy was an unreliable narrator and was actually guilty, that would be a hella cool show)its reactions like that where she cant understand why others like the chief suspect her

-ooooh ironic that in the Good Place carson readily agrees to pay her for helping with cases as opposed to s2 in reality

-nick's house has "problems" so why does he need a lawyer? as opposed to an interior designer, plumber, or realtor?

-in the Good Place nick and george realize they are not going to work out after one date. does this failure in the Good Place predict failure in reality, or merely an easier way of figuring out the truth? does this mean that the "opposite" of the Good Place is reality, or only an opinion of what is better? (nancy says "you all like me" as her opinion of them liking her is skewed; does this then only reflect nancys version for what is the "perfect life"?)

-why is bess a hippie??? and love how george curls her hair and wears pink lipstick here

-if this dream is so realistic then why is the one thing it cant conjure smoke? like how random

-love the locket being a key realization bc with things like jewelry you dont notice the weight of them until theyre gone

-"you all like me" in her perfect life nancy means they "like" her objectively/regardless of circumstance even though liking her is still an objective choice (like they "like" her because of other reasons instead of her working at the claw? (like how you make friends with coworkers/people at school every day but after you leave the job/graduate you never speak to them again) and her "thanks for showing up!" as if theyre not doing exactly that in reality 😐like where is she getting this shit? she sort of acknowledges in earlier eps she is hard to like/that she puts mysteries before friends, but also pushing them away to avoid danger like the previous ep "why do u show up" etc

-is it just me or does the inside of nicks "house" look like the drews'?

-nick has a dick scar lmaooooo (or more likely was hit in the balls or smth)

-love how nick + george match their anger in confronting sal 100% on the same level

-so when did ace go back to work after having such a busy day earlier?? lmaooo

-damn father shane is a creep (casting defo hired him for his voice) and how tf did he just poof + escape? and what did he request???

-love bess's white hair bow here 😌+ her jacket, whole outfit on point as usual

-like how bess is right that nancy has to find her way out but thats kind of a nonstarter for a room full of panicked people wanting to help

-in the Good Place theres no bad blood between drews + hudsons bc nancy is really theirs

-"the only one who has the key is you" in the Good Place nancy has the key (smaller picture, to finding out what happened to lucy but bigger picture, post-reveal) but ryan has the clues nancy needs- following the Good Place's mirroring, this just means that in reality ryan will either be completely useless or an active hindrance (but you KNOW this is a dream bc in what universe would ryan remember clues like that 😂)

-so in a perfect universe ryan acknowledges his family's "criminal empire" as opposed to reality where he only makes under cover jabs about disengaging with being an "entitled corrupt legacy criminal" ie finding the bonny scot relics but does nothing about them, etc

-"strippers" 😂

-okay what is nancys obsession w her beanie?? bc her mom made it? "wear beanies do crimes?" idk

-making the call: nancy -unable to make up for lost time/both her mothers had to find out/suffer alone / in the Good Place nancy was able to be with kate while she called, and in reality she had carson; somethig about seeing the mother looking to the daughter for strength in the Good Place instead of the reverse (which is what reality sounded like, kate being strong for nancy through the illness despite the struggle)

-concept: nancy & nick "let's wait out the storm"

-"i believe that you believe it" nick in the Good Place + owen in reality both trust nancy when she says she's seen things (owen's is the teeth) but nick in reality (and not really knowing details) doesnt think much of their "moment" bc it wasnt real (so she had to leave the Good Place to save carson- but if she had known then he wasnt her real dad, would she have stayed to be w nick?)

-stranger - suede james 💙👌🏻

-"really anxious as a kid" v telling bc of her desire to know everything to remain in control of situations like she always does now

-"the medicine or the metaphysics?"/"you cannot beat supernatural with science"

-i love nancy playing with her pinky while saying goodbye 🥺

-"always seek out the truth even if it hurts" this is straight irony bc kate never told nancy anything. like does that include the truth about nancys parentage? they taught her to seek out the truth, but who taught her that the truth is the only thing to live by? ie things dont count anymore like carson and kate straight up raising her is tossed out bc she finds out its not "the truth" like all that work/stress to protect carson + she just drops him? with kate maybe shes just upset thst she spent all that time mourning for someone who lied. and would she do the same to ryan if needed? probably

-bess and ace head tilt 💙

-like how for all the time she spent there nancy only has a subconscious memory of blue curtains

-YESSSSS i LOVEthese beautiful overhead shots of hannah's hands. so out of character for the show lmao but so gorgeous

-i feel like future eps/grand future will be nancy going through the lock boxes to help people who asked hannah for help

-the video is officially dated Aug 22, 2019

-soooooo in the first ep nancy breaks into the hudsons house and finds tiffanys secret drawer w the nail polish and finds the amulet with a note that says "for your protection HG" yet on this video tiffany says she talked to a medium who gave her the amulet sooooo am i just confused? HG is hannah gruen obvi so is the address for the medium what hannah gave her? or was the address on the amulet which nancy dissolved in salt water to see? so how would tiffany know where to go? its chicken and the egg which came first hannah or the medium?

and lastly:

i close these two eps with a thought that everything in this show is sealed in death. all the lies, the imagery, the fake constructs people put up to get by all crumple the second someone dies- all the secrets come clean just like these doors have been unsealed.

#brooklyn's ND primer #nancy drew cw #the Great Rewatch of 2021 #you best start believing in ghost stories miss drew - you're in one

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mousehole5000 · 3 years

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wow i made this draft on november 1st i really took a break from this huh anyway tgcf chapters 121 - 142

i realize now this coffin scene was inevitable. feel kinda weird about hua cheng back and forth from Teen to Big Man but it is very funny that theyre having their “dude dont look at my boner” moment while in the jaws of a water dragon

pei ming: why didnt you guys make a bigger coffin so you didnt have to squish together like that? xie lian: haha yep!! anyways what brings you here?

“In the grand, spacious centre of the entrance hall sat a person. And this person, dressed in all black, its face snow-white—was a corpse! Instantly Xie Lian shut the doors soundly.” - king of minding his own business.

okay this is where i stopped putting notes here for a while but i did save some in my e-reader so here’s some of the highlights

“Guzi used to have a good sleeping form, but perhaps with his cheap dad’s bad influence, now he was also spread out on top of Qi Rong’s stomach like a dead fish. Lang Ying himself was curled neatly in the corner, and was covered by a few shirts. Xie Lian lifted the blanket covering Qi Rong, suppressed the urge to smother his face, and covered the two small children.” - xie lian funny moments. also it would be really funny if qi rong redeems himself by learning love through these misfit chiildren and it might actually endear me to him but i hope that doesnt happen

Every heavenly official was yelling, and even Ling Wen was throwing a fit. “DON’T THROW EVERY BIT OF USELESS INFORMATION MY WAY, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY DAY? DON’T YOU ALL KNOW TO USE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE BEFORE ASKING ME?!” - ling wen marry me right now

“An expression like “seen a ghost” that only mortals experienced was now showing on his face for the first time. Shi Wudu’s pupils shrank to the smallest they could, and he blurted, “You’re still alive?!” “I’m dead!” He Xuan said coldly.” - okay everythings going tits up rn but i did laugh

i did see spoilers re: ming yi/he xuan reveal + shi wudu’s fate beforehand so i dont have a genuine reaction other than oh shit

“He slowly enunciated each word. “I won’t touch your fate. But, here in this place, chop off your brother’s head for me.” CLANG! He threw a rusty blade onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan stared at that blade, his eyes wide. He Xuan continued, “Then, never show yourself before me again, and I will pretend you’ve never existed in this world.” - okay idk what else is going to happen but rn im concerned that this is like the 2nd biggest ship. i guess we’ll see?? i mean i am really curious whats going to happen to them. shi qingxuan keeps calling he xuan “ming-xiong” and i... sad

shi wudu im not really invested in you as a character but these next two bits... interesting

“If I don’t die but have nothing, then that’s truly a fate worse than death. If I’m not the Water God, I can’t take care of you. I won’t even be able to protect myself. I’m scared that we won’t even last two days…TAKE IT!” - damn. something about the wealthy losing everything and not knowing how to live without it bc thats their entire life and identity

“EVERYTHING I HAVE TODAY, I FOUGHT FOR MYSELF. I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I DON’T HAVE. I WILL CHANGE FATE I DON’T POSSESS. MY FATE IS UP TO ME AND NOT THE HEAVENS!” - okay so the whole committing spiritual fraud by tormenting a man and his family to get your brother a cushy title thing aside this was kind of badass. heretical? possibly. but still. also is he intentionally riling up he xuan so sqx doesnt have to kill him? if so damn...

also okay as long as im here im just gonna say it. the choice that he xuan gives shi qingxuan is fucking brutal but i actually think its probably as fair as it could be. sqx didnt know about or participate in what happened to hx but they did benefit from it greatly while hx lost EVERYTHING and i can understand he xuan’s thinking of “if you really feel bad for what happened to me then you have to make a sacrifice and understand the suffering and this is as clean as its going to get” and theres a bit where sqx is trying to beg for mercy but cant get the words out which im guessing is bc theres no good argument!! what happened was fucked up!!

“When Pei Ming saw that reinforcements had arrived, he didn’t appear particularly delighted; instead he threw the sword into the ground, then rubbed his nose and said, sounding grim, “You all just had to come just as I finished making these, what the heck.” - pei ming making coffins chopping down trees with his sword i love it #wastehistime2k17

“Xie Lian brought that basket of eggs along, and gave them away as souvenirs from the mortal realm. Many who received the eggs were overjoyed; some deciding to eat it along with their own blood, and some proclaiming they would hatch an eight-foot monster.” - GHOST CITY GHOST CITY

“Placing the brush down, he blew lightly at the ink and smiled. “If I like something, then my heart will not have room for any other, and I’ll always treasure it. A thousand times, a million times, no matter how many years, this will not change. This poem is the same." - thats nice and all but king... get therapy. i actually have further thoughts but tbh i dont want to put them into words bc they are simply too personal! moving on

didnt take any notes but somewhere in here was the bit with mount tong’lu opening and hua cheng losing it and kind of um. hm. that scene. thats another trope i really hate tbh i dont care for it as a way of including physical intimacy between characters and idk if it really ever adds anything but whatever moving on

The Half-Maquillage Woman - kind of interesting monster idea bc women and aging…. yeah. however i think this would be a lot stronger if there were a) more girls and this was b) discussed or illustrated at all prior to this moment. still interesting that its included knowing the author is a woman tho and there’s been comments on how ling wen is perceived vs pei ming. this book does keep giving me hope for interesting female character arcs i really want it to deliver something

quan yizhen..... i get u

lmao i have a note on a bit with lang ying that says “please dont be hc in disguise” and..... my clown nose was on but at least i knew that. for real this is bothering me how much he’s just. always. there. i know he’s a lead but we didn’t really need him around for a lot of this. oh well. okay now to my current notes

“Yet it was precisely because it wasn’t cooked that it had to be eaten quickly. Once Xie Lian cooked it, it wouldn’t be edible anymore” - fucking fantastic

“Xie Lian hugged his belly. “Of course! Only after having met you did I rediscover that it’s such a simple thing to be happy, hahaha…” Hearing this, Hua Cheng blinked. Xie Lian’s laughter quieted a bit, realizing what he just said was a little too revealing.” - okay i know i said what i said about being tired of hua cheng being everywhere but... the line…. the fact that theyre laughing together…. :pleading:

“It’s not,” Ling Wen said. “At least, I believe, there will definitely not be another in history who can create a dish called ‘Incorruptible Chastity Meatballs’” - and truer words were never spoken

“I, DO NOT WORSHIP GODS. “I, AM GOD!” - this was every bit as badass as i hoped but no one told me it was immediately followed up by a little bit of the ol dinner theater fjalkdsfjsd. also puqi shrine noooooooooo

“Xie Lian sighed as he thought, “Qi Rong has taken Guzi away, who knows if the poor child was eaten or abandoned. Wind Master...... ..... who knows if Black Water took him away. Pray they’re both safe.” yeah hey are we going to fucknig. find out what happened to the child???

and yeah i dooooont really care for the age regression? thing thats going on. i just dont like that trope tbh. but tiny hua cheng whipping out his fat ghost king wallet in the store was funny tho. it is really funny that hualian are just like wandering around some random towns while the heavens are in an uproar. i guess theres not much else to do but its funny

“Me too, me too. You all know of my shixiong, right? Talented, with an infinite future! He only had one small vice: he loved playing women. Decades ago, a little prostitute ghost seduced my shixiong and sucked him dry into human jerky, and that Hua, Hua, Hua, that ghost king dared shelter her.” - yes omg give me the forbidden hua cheng lore i love this for him for real it goes along nicely with xie lian’s principles about giving another cup. god i love shared values

“Hua Cheng poked again, and a small hole appeared on the wall, as if the wall was made of tofu.” - how’d he do that. why is this a ghost king power. its useful tho

*me shaking qi rong when he pops up* WHERE IS THE CHILD

mu qing fu yao is here okay im happy now. once again no one has a good grasp on their secret identity and i love that. this inn has descended into chaos and im delighted and im glad lan chang is back

“The good ol’ kitchen was suddenly squished and crowded, loud and noisy. Fu Yao was chasing that fetus spirit leaping up and down, Lan Chang was chasing after Fu Yao like she had gone mad. Half of Qi Rong’s face changed shape by the way Xie Lian was pressing him down on the chopping board, his back turning into a target for those yellow talismans Fu Yao hurled while being observed by a crowd, and Lan Chang would step on him from time to time.” - this is pure chaos. i love that mu qing was in that room when the mob checked and he didnt say a word didnt open the door just sent out a talisman as a warning. king your disguise is transparent

“Xie Lian remembered the way Feng Xin laughed until he was hoarse when he first heard that verbal password all those years back, and couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, even though it wasn’t the right time.” - awwwww omg im emotional about this... faithful friend feng xin laughing at xie lian’s stupid joke password and remembering it!!! ;_;

“They have, but they’re not effective,” Feng Xin said. “Usually they’re the most diligent in scorning the Palace of Ling Wen, like they could do the job way better if they had the position. Now that we need them to take up the task, not a single one can do even half of what she does.” - typical... typical typical typical

also emotional about the fact that feng xin contacted xie lian at all.....

also!! emotional about lan chang as a mom and wanting to help out sick lil guzi.....

xie lian forcing “fu yao” to let him help “his general” is making me.... what is friendship if not playing along with your buddies little shenanigans while also making them accept your help

“Someone like Mu Qing, even though he’s narrow-minded, petty, sensitive and skeptical, has a bad personality, constantly guessing, doesn’t say nice things, likes to nag, always offending people and has a lot of people who dislike him, has no friends, can remember small, unimportant details for a long period of time…” ”Xie Lian went on in one breath with a straight face, but in the end he concluded with, “...But I’ve known him since we were kids, after all, he’s still got principles.” - XIE LIAN PLEASE AFJDLKSFJDL omg ive seen this quote before but i figured he was talking to someone else not actually to mu qing himself fgjasdkfjsl. god thats amazing. hey im gonna help you out because i care but i will roast you first <3

waaaaaait so is lan chang aka jian lan that girl from book 2 we took a page to talk about and then disappeared? that has to be it why else would we have stopped to discuss her

“Jian Lan spat on his face, then choking his neck, she slapped him twice again. “WHAT SHITTY SUPREME! YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO BLOW YOURSELF UP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THINK YOU’RE EVEN WORTH TO BE THOUGHT OF AS EQUALS WITH THE OTHER THREE SUPREMES? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD AT? YOUR THICK SKIN? OF COURSE I DARE HIT YOU!” - oh this feels so good i cant lie. YES GET HIM!! CHOMPING AND VIOLENCE YES!!!!

okay this description of cuocuo.... im... that sure the hell is a creature

this book is so entertaining bc i already saw spoilers for the feng xin/jian lan/cuo cuo reveal and yet i could never have predicted the circumstances that brought it about. imagine being feng xin. the heavens are in an uproar and your only friend/enemy has been jailed for possible fetus spirit-related crimes but he escapes along with this female ghost who keeps causing problems. you figure “fuck it lets see if dianxia kept his old phone number” and he has but then he hangs up on you. you’ve got fuckall else to do so you go find him. mu qing is there but he’s in his disguise the two of you were using so you could watch over his highness while staying aloof. you think you see hua cheng only he’s a chiild for some goddamn reason but who knows at this point. the female ghost is also there and theres a fetus spirit climbing trees and biting your arrows in half. you realize the female ghost is your ex and the little demon is your son. it bites you. what do you do

amazing that despite everything going on everyone is still playing along with the “fu yao” persona when it would probably be easier to drop pretenses at this point. then again tbh if i could explain my actions to my friends while pretending to be a third party.... i probably would so.. carry on

“With all his devotees gone, only Feng Xin still treated him like the Flower-Crowned Martial God and His Highness the Crown Prince. ” “...his protection charms were all seen as trash. However, Feng Xin was still determined and tireless in handing them out; telling Xie Lian, look, you still have devotees.” “After all, he was the darling of the heavens since birth, high and mighty. Feng Xin so naturally spun around him like he was the world, so how could he possibly have his own life, his own heart” “Whether or not that fetus spirit was Feng Xin’s son, if it was that period of poverty that made Feng Xin lose the girl he loved, Xie Lian wouldn’t be able to forgive himself no matter what." ohhhh my god this relationship i. im...

oh my god i still have 30 more chapters until book 4............ its naptime now i think

#tgcf liveblog #so close and yet so far......#i keep hearing tell of this fabled book 4 i must press onwards......#but now im sleepy.....#mouse mumbles

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houseki-no-suffering · 4 years

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Pssst.... gush about some thing you’ve wanted to for so long but haven’t found the ask to do so! I really like reading your metas or off-the-wall posts.

aw ty!

mmmh usually i just crank out a random meta when i feel like it, which i havent had the energy to do in a while. so have a lot of hcs about gem language, gem society and how it resembles a totalitarian system cause why not, this is already a dystopia.

goes from cute to shady real quick, have fun

Gem Vocabulary

gems have no gender, they dont age, they dont reproduce. the whole vocabulary about relationships, aging and sex must be completely different in gem language. they probably lack a lot of words we commonly use, and have unique words for things we dont have (like winter duty, patrol duty... i wouldnt be surprised if gem language had unique grammatical features for those)

this is one of the reasons why its so unfair of aechmea to call cairn ‘wife’ and ‘princess.’ the gems have no concept of wife-ness, we dont know if a gem equivalent of marriage exists, but its definitely much, much different from what the lunarians (and us) perceive as one.

do gems have anything akin coming of age? this could be weird bc gems can potentially live forever, but they can also be abducted by the lunarians at any time, so who’s to say how long a lustrous will live? how do you calculate being ‘of age’? is it by calculating the average life-span of a gem?

how do they measure time and seasons? we know they have winter and summer and phos mentions ‘spring’ in chapter 20, but what about months and lunar phases? do they have words for that or are months just too small a timeframe for the immortal lustrous to utilize? how do they measure time? in hours and seconds? weeks? different units altogether?

Gem Relationships

similarly, gem relationships are codified in a completely different way. we know they have a concept of romance bc dia ships phos and shinsha and makes comments here and there about other gems being in love.

at the same time, the relationships btw alexandrite and chrysoberyl, padpa and rutile, ghost/cairn and lapis etc are little different from ‘pure’ sibling/sibling relationships or senpai/kohai relationships.

this is not to say that they’re all romantic in nature, but the way they’re codified in canon (especially in the way the characters grief for their partner) makes me think that even if the gems have no blood/physical kinship with one another they have a very articulated system of establishing family bonds.

dia and bort are clearly siblings, but the same can’t be said, for example, for rutile and padpa, even if they were partners and even if they display a similar junior/senior relationship. this means that relationships are predicated on something else in hnk, and kinship, family and romance are all codified in a different way.

think of vulcans in star trek: physical contact such as two fingers touching, holding hands and kissing is unknown of (save for very specific circumstances). and vulcan people have a completely different way of expressing intimacy and romance than humans.

this makes me think: just how many canonically romantic relationships are there in hnk (if any) that we’re simply unaware of bc the way gems codify and express romance is so different from ours? is romance even common? rare? perceived as weird? useless?

what about other relationships? the gems use ‘little brother/ older brother’ but what if this is just japanese approximations? what kind of relationships can lustrous language really express and how different are they from ours?

Imagination

as @ruddy-rutile pointed out some time ago, the gems lack a concept of fantasy. thats why i posted that panel about alex’s original lunarian designs. sure, it’s funny, but it also makes you think: these gems are not raised to think outside the box and they can do it without being told so only under exceptional circumstances.

of the vast library of texts that ghost (and lapis) used to take care of, just how many are novels and fiction? none of them? a small amount? a decent amount? in a society thats as focused on practicality, efficiency and conservatism as the lustrous’, how is fiction perceived if perceived at all?

is there art? red beryl’s craft comes very close to art when they express their feelings about ‘fashion for fashion’s sake,’ but it’s an exception that the other gems find hard to grasp.

phos is often told to stop fantasizing about the world and get things done, the only tale we know the gems are told is the actual story of how their world came to be. the gems always talk about real things, stuff that happened, and make and do things that have a practical use.

even bort’s jellyfish diary is just made up of a recollection of what happened when they tried to feed them. still, the fact that bort names the jellyfish makes you think that these rocks do have potential for fantasy, theyre just not used to it

Totalitarianism and Privacy

to make this even more shady, here’s your gentle reminder that:

- gems’ rooms have no doors. the only door ive been able to find is the one in shinsha’s room (ch 2) and that is because shinsha’s room is closed off to other people and full of mercury. its like putting a patch on smth you dont want to deal with (much like shinsha’s whole character arc tbh)

- the gems have little to no free time. or their free time can be revoked any time in case an emergency occurs, sensei is napping etc. the gems’ time is rigorously managed by jade, euc and sensei. each gem has a place to be and a time to be.

this means that a missing gem can be found at all times and slackers can be identified very easily. they all have a job and they have to follow it. this is not to say that they have no fun ever, but leisure time is rare and (at least as far as we know) its not contemplated when tasks are assigned each day.

the mere fact that there is a morning assembly and tasks are assigned each day makes you think. is this communism? is this totalitarianism? but most importantly, is this a scary dystopia that hits you in the face like a brick the third time you reread ch 2?

- sameness > equality. i already went over this in the past. gems society underlines sameness and conformity over anything else. the gems think theyre equal but theyre actually ‘similar.’

a system based on equality emphasizes differences so that every individual can do the best with what they have got and get back what they need, according to their personal needs.

these gems emphasize sameness: everyone is upheld to the same standards, even when those standards dont match with a gem’s unique characteristics (ie phos cannot be a fighter, no reason to keep saying stuff like ‘if only you were stronger/you’re useless’ etc. they’re a rock with an imagination in a world where dull reality is the rule. just make them write theater plays and play with slugs with shinsha, wth)

It’s real 1984 hours:

all of the above means that:

- your sense of self is subordinated to the group. if you dont belong you’re simply a nothing. at times, the gems almost display a collective consciousness (a pretty hostile one too): everything must be decided together and done together

- you are what you do. gems identify completely with their job. thats why a job is so important, thats why this system is so fucked up. self worth is not inherent, it depends on what you can do. talk about a breeding ground for mental health issues

- you dont have a saying in picking your career or deciding for you future. thats up to sensei (and maybe euc and jade). unless you have a very strong affinity with a certain task (like red beryl and alex)

- youre expected to follow orders all the damn time. no matter how much sensei wants his gems to exert free will, they still prefer to do what theyre told. ill admit, its much easier than taking your life in your hands and decide what youre gonna do with it, but damn if it isnt depressing. and childish

- euclase and sensei are the authority. sensei and euc are the powers that be. in the sense that they assign tasks, they decide on times and battle plans, on purpose etc. lets not forget that euc was the one to take on sensei’s role after he ‘resigned.’

i wonder what would happen if euc were abducted and the gems had no one to follow anymore, no orders. who’d be the new leader? would there be one? lets not forget that no matter how gentle euc is, phos is shit scared of them.

- thought police is a thing. to end this meta on what is probably the shadiest note: surveillance is a thing. the gems report on each other, it’s thought police, no sugarcoating this.

there’s no privacy, no secrets. even antarc reads rutile’s diary. this goes from cute and childish (’you did this one wrong thing, im gonna tell sensei’) to absolutely fucked up (’you did this one wrong thing, im gonna tell sensei’)

#houseki no kuni #land of the lustrous #hnk #meta #best #im a sociologist what did ya expect #pls feel free to add on this

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aux0rde · 3 years

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love love lvoe loveee ekekeek imma simpppppppppppp </3

i feel so horrible all the time and im mentally not in a good place and everything is just so boring and i feel like i fucked up everything over and over and it hurts.. it feels like nobody cares even if they do its not the people i want. i like someone but theyre not someone i can be with as they go to a different school and will be a senior next year they probably think im this dumb little kid. idk why i like them either. i think its because i feel like im romantisizing the fact that hes not mentally in a good place like me and i feel like i want to show him how he happy he can be but idk. it could be so perfect. nobody else likes him except me but i feel loyal to him as i do to everyone i like. i feel like this might be more real than my other “crush” but i barely know him as a person i just want to protect him and make him feel loved. maybe i just feel bad for him? but i wouldnt mind dating him idk. idec if hes too ill to make me happy i think making him happy is all i need and when he looks at me i sort of like breath heavy his eyes are so pretty and ahh his smile... my cheeks heat up thinking about it... its so embarassing because im getting butterflies thinking about it... nobody else seems to find him attractive so idek but when has anyone ever found the people i think are attractive attractive? idk i love everything about him. his face his eyes his smile what he says and it feels like we have a connection but idk maybe im overreacting and making things up again.. and even when he just taps my shoulder i get a series of emotions... hes probably too depressed to even crush but idk hes just this quiet dude. hes so respectful and its so cute because hes so oblivious to everything. he also seems so emotionless idk why i find this attractive god help me. and oh my god he looks at me in the eyes when im talking and its so nice and i feel like we both notice things.. and AHG idk what he is thinking about even. and the rest of my friends all like the basic “attractive” dude whos funny and outgoing and dorky but i like this quiet sad boy who makes edgy jokes where it seems like hes crying for help but no one seems to notice.. he likes animals too and it makes me so happy i just want to take care of him and tell him hes loved and that i understand... or is this just me wanting to treat someone how i wished they would treat me and idk what it is about him that i find attractive he has so much acne and is like this tall twig, but its all his eyes and smile and hair like oh my god. his eyes are so pretty like when he looks at you its like from under his lashes and theyre a light blue or a grey? and his smile </3 im not romantisizing mental illness i swear because ive liked boys who are the complete opposite of him... i think?? i cant help it im just attracted to people i feel like i can help or just smother?? maybe that makes me a horrible person.. I JUST WANT TO BE THERE FOR SOMEONE BECAUSE NOBODY WILL BE THERE FOR ME. i want to make sure this boy eats enough and gets enough love and sleep and i just want to hear his whole life story like idk why im like this. ive liked him since day one tbh just the way he carries himself he seems like he smells like ice or like something clean and just sharp like a breath of fresh air.. and hes so peaceful like. his touch is so gentle like when he touches me or my face its like hes scared of breaking me.. its just so endearing.. like idk why im simping but when jena and tori and zinniah are all checking out ian im like uh huh and just daydreaming about me and this boy in a field with like flowers and a breeze. idk i feel like hes the FIRST person EVER in all of my series of crushes even the one i would consider my first “love” where i wouldn’t get bored with ever like we could just talk about life and just anything and he makes me feel so comfortable and beautiful on the inside.. like i could be in a igloo freezing to death and id be like happy because hes there with me?? he makes me want to be all simpy and gooey and icky and just WOW literally the first time this has happened... and i liked him even back when he wasnt all that at all.. im so incredibly attracted to him istg. i dream about him sm. he doesnt scare me or intimidate me like alot of men do.. he makes me feel safe and hes like this towering gaurdian angel.. idk but somehow im the protector?? idk if i could relate him to an object it would be a pillow even though hes like really skinny,, i feel wrong when i think about anyone besides him to be honest. or maybe im just attracted him because he seems like he would be capable of so much love. and no i see it the way he looks at other girls is different i dont feel jealous he looks at them how he would look at anyone else so it feels like hes seeing something with his eyes like something beyond. i just know if he loved me too he would never cheat on me.. and hes never hurt me before EVER i have no negative emotions associated with him at all except for missing him and his absense.. and like those few encounters we have just feel so magical. like the first day when we were the only ones in the storage room and i was carrying a box i could like feel his breathing and hear everything and hes just so respectful ahg liek he didnt even do the weird checking out thing that guys do when ur walking in front them he just asked me how my day was and how i felt :,) </3 and it feels like he has his head in the clouds and like this soul.. im in love with his soul.. when he touches my hand or something it feels like electricity but gentle. LIKE IS HE MY SOULMATE?? how was i instantly attracted to him.. and just everything about him is so oooh my... and i feel like he notices the little things that i do that nobody else notices.. like things about my personality? it makes me feel so appreciated... like i feel like his love is beyond material things.. like he says some weird things and might be kind of loony but theyre weird in like a ??? way not like a creepy way... i just want to press foreheads with him not even kiss that seems to obscene. like he is god LIKE HES SO LOONY is he alright?? like he acts like hes on psychedelics 24/7 and i like this??? and he IS different from everyone ive liked before because he feels magical not like someone i get shy around.. or when im just standing and he walks up and stands next to me or sits next to me.. and he never makes me feel dumb.. hes like quiet but it makes me feel so safe and im not used to it.. like i would be okay with just sitting in silence and just being with him in a room idc i feel like we can telepathically communicate.. he makes me think of pretty things nothing grimy. like ice and just air and snowflakes and angels and just like pretty fresh things.. im convinced hes a supernatural being at this point.. he just appears and sometimes i look for him in crowds and i find myself missing his PRESENSE.. like hes so perfect to daydream about.. if he wishes to be mine i feel like all my worries will fade and i will be complete. his smile is so cute.. i just want to see it all the time and i think i would physically gasp or pass away to see him frown or be in pain.. like it would literally physically hurt me idk why i feel so connected to him and while i was writing this i just see angel numbers like 2:22 and its not even obvious i just looked at the right time... i could spend eternity with him.. as long as hes happy ill be good.. i cant stop looking at him theres something androgenous about him too like he could satisfy my need for feminity and masculinity whilst being really masculine... everyone also thinks hes weird and different but i think hes perfect and a beautiful creature,,, he has the embodiment of pisces eyes they are so pretty and AHHBD.. and the night we were all sitting around the fire area and everyone else was closing their eyes and its just me and him looking into each others eyes and i feel so complete and we share a laugh... and the fact that he chose ME he chose me and it makes me so happy.. i think i would die of embarassment if he actually complimented my appearance because his compliments are so meaningful like WOAH this magical creature thinks i LOOK good too?? can we just be two ghosts in love ahahdja just our souls tied together.. he reminds me of smoke like the pretty smoke... nothing like cig smoke maybe like insense? idk like a drug but without the negative consequences..

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zhuhongs · 4 years

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Here’s my long ass review of TGCF that literally no one asked for it i have opinions and I have no one to tell them too so i must write them out and post them. (also part of this is abt the mdzs novel bc i can’t not compare them and I have a lot of thoughts abt that too)

This is very very long so it’s going under a read more. Spoilers ahead!!

Okay so first off this book was a fucking behemoth i can’t believe i read all of that (minus the extras) in under a week.. what the fuck. I definetly got reading fatigue halfway thru book 3.

I’m gonna separate my thoughts into sections bc i have a few points that don’t all relate

firstly, overall writing and organization:

I said it earlier but tgcf is a lot more structurally sound than mdzs imo. My biggest criticism of the MDZS novel (minus the bad sex scenes, homophobia, and general I hate mxtxness of it) was the way the flashbacks were presented.

Like OH MY GOD they were presented so badly. I hated that the flashback was told intermittently and only when one of the characters invoked the past. For example, when WWX meets Jiang Cheng and a second time, Jin Ling distracts JC to release “Mo Xuanyu” bc he saved his life in the Nie Ancestral hall earlier. WWX then proceeds to be the self sacrificing dude he is and take away Jin Ling’s curse and put it on himself. When he escapes and returns to LWJ, LWJ offers to carry him.

If you watched CQL, you know exactly what LWJ is referring to when he says smth to the effect of “You once offered to carry me too, remember.” HOWEVER in the novel you don’t know what he’s talking about. This is because the flashback wasn’t been revealed to you yet. The next chapter goes to tell the flashback. I think that this takes away all of the emotional depth away from the scene. But in CQL, having the flashback already be known, you make the connection on your own and are like “awww wangji remembers that.. even 16 years later.“ Its a lot sweeter bc you know what the two have gone thru. At this point in the MDZS novel its barely the 30th chapter or so and you have no real idea what wangxian have been thru together or what reasons wangji has for loving wwx. You just think, well obviously they like each other bc this is a danmei novel and they are the two leads, ofc they have to like each other. But in cql, you learn through watching them that they’re in love. It’s not just like”well they have to be!! its a bl!!”

Okay that was a rlly long side tangent but it makes me so angry. So what did any of that have to do with TGCF?? well tgcf doesn’t have this issue. In fact, i believe that it gains a lot from having the flashback withheld from the reader.

I really liked how the flashbacks were contained to books 2 and 4 respectively because it adds a layer of mystery. Hua Cheng is a very secretive man so it makes sense for us to not know everything about him upfront. The way that the author teases and hints little things at you make you want to know more, making it all the more satisfying when the truth is revealed. Because in a way you Know that Hua Cheng meets Xie Lian before and you know that he’s the child XL saved during the God Pleasing Ceremony but you don’t know all the details. Like obviously since Hua Cheng is a ghost you know that he’s died and it was likely for Xie Lian or Xian le’s sake but you probably never expected that he actually died twice. Once on the battle field and second when he took the human face disease. I think the difference between these flashbacks and the flashbacks in MDZS result from the length. In TGCF you get two long concise flashbacks that make sense to be placed where they are. Book 2 because you already have a feel and hint at what the characters have been through and book 4 because the White No Face appears again so then you learn how he and Xie Lian met before. It wouldn’t make sense to place book 2 any earlier bc there is no emotional impact. And it doesn’t make sense to place book 4 earlier because you don’t know what the white no face’s deal is so it’d be confusing. In MDZS, you get numerous short flashbacks happening alongside the main story and it makes it hard to piece together the timeline in a way that feels satisfying. Ik a lot of ppl grill cql for having a confusing intro episode and having a rlly long flashback but its much better than the mdzs novel. However the mdzs donghua handles the flashback in the most concise way imo.

Overall i think the way the story is structured is very good and is a step up from mdzs. Also the horror aspects of tgcf are rlly enjoyable and honestly i think mxtx should just write short horror stories at this point. like enough long ass novels chock full of fetishization. just write some fun horror with no romance and call it a day.. pls

Side Characters:

okay so straight up, i think the side characters arent used as well as they were in mdzs bc mxtx wanted to focus on hualian and didn’t want to give the side characters as much focus. This is a weaker point of the novel.

I’ll get into it more below but i think hua cheng was done dirty as a character by having him rlly only care abt xie lian. Since he doesn;t have any real relationships with others outside of xie lian this takes away from having more depth in the side characters. They’re really only related as far as xie lian’s relationship with them. Though thankfully xie lian gets rather close with a few officials and the ones we get to see more of are rlly interesting. I especially loved the reconciliation of mu qing, feng xin, and xie lian at the end of book 5. honestly their relationship was one my favorites and i’m glad they finally said what they had to say to each other after 800 fucking years. Also Shi Qingxuan is a delight. we stan sqx in this house.

The characters i wish we had seen more of were yushi huang (although she didnt rlly want to be there, good for her), Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu. I very much wish yizhen and yin yus story happened earlier on and we had more time with them. It felt strange to have their subplot occur towards the end and it was sort of out of place but i liked them a lot!! i wish there was more to it. and that there was a reconcilation but mxtx hates happy shidi’s doesnt she, (glares at novel jc). Also man yin yu did NOT have to die like that i’m sad.

Also, honestly.. i don’t think qi rong added to the story whatsoever and i have no clue why he and guzi were there. qi rong just pissed me off the whole time and added literally nothing.

going back to yushi huang, i’d like to say for the millionth time that i hate how mxtx uses any of her female characters. like we get it.. u hate women being useful... im still pressed but what i want to say has been said many times before so ill leave it at that.

Hualian:

I really really did like hualian at the end. They had a truly epic love story and it was so beautiful, especially when hua cheng repeated his words as wuming to xie lian as he started to disappear. But, I said it once and i’ll say it again. I don’t think Hualian is a super healthy relationship. As fiction its fine (i firmly believe fiction impacts reality but let me finish), i guess bc literally nothing about their situation can be replicated irl and none of it ended up containing manipulation or abuse or anything bad but there was a potential for it to and i’m really glad it didnt go that route.

Hualian is a highly idealized and romanticized relationship full of some truly troubling feelings of self worth. While its “beautiful” in a way that hc really was xls most devoted believer, it wasnt healthy for him to live for xl like this. Nor was it healthy for xl to feel so unworthy of hua chengs love.

Hua Cheng’s devotion to Xie Lian is a little too extreme and it bothers me. When the truth was revealed abt the Temple of 10,000 Gods I had the same reaction as Mu Qing and Feng Xin. I was like... HEY WHAT THE FUCKK that’s a little uh... thats NOT HEALTHY,, dianxia PLEASE say smth. But ofc Xie Lian didn’t say fucking anything and and i was so pissed. Like the whole thing of Hua Cheng living his life solely for XIe Lian is really kinda fucked up and not romantic. I was holding out hope that at some point XIe Lian would sit him down and be like “Hey! I love you and i’m really grateful that all these years you’ve still believed in me when no one else did. But you can’t just live your life for my sake. You deserve love from many other other people and deserve to have a life and happiness outside of me. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you, but you need to not only think of me.” or something to that effect

It bothers me that after Xie Lian learns the truth he doesn’t once reassure Hua Cheng that he didn’t have to make Xie Lian his reason for existence. Like.. idk i just think that’s rlly kinda unhealthy. Like I understand why Hua Cheng is so deeply devoted to Xie Lian-- he saved his life twice and was the only one to ever show him kindness and he’s seen xie lian suffer a fate worse than death multiple times. I get that he wants to protect him and make his life easier, but to not let anyone else into his life and spend 800 years looking for xie lian is just overkill. Like if the whole 10k statues thing never happened i’d be 100 percent fine with hualin but the whole devotion to that extent... uhhh yea.. no that put a bad taste in my mouth. Obsession should not be romanticised. I don’t think any reader of tgcf is going out and deciding to live like hua cheng obviously but still.

Also Side note, the whole 100 swords scene.. bro i felt for hua cheng, the way he screamed seeing that, i don’t blame him. I was so horrified reading that chapter. i don’t think i’ve been so horrified by a piece of media like that in a while. Poor fucking xie lian.. oh my god. I understand the intense reaction he had and how seeing that prompted such a degree of loyalty but still.. 10k statues?? the cave that mu qing and feng xin saw... thats a little too much obssession... like please.. dial it back.. im begging u.

I was talking to mary (liviahyes) and she said smth abt how Hua Cheng doesn’t have a character outside of xie lian. And she’s right, he kinda doesn’t. If Xie Lian didn’t exist neither would Hua Cheng. I get that that counds kinda romantic but in practice i don’t think its a good things. Especially because Xie Lian has a story outside of Hua Cheng, hehas goals, he has friends, he has something. Hua Cheng said it-- his only dream is Xie Lian. Which is romantic but very very unbalanced.

THAT BEING SAID, i still rly liked their relationship and i think theyre cute they just have issues they need to work through. I mean they have time but yea. It wasn’t perfect but eh. overall i’m bitter bc they couldve been THAT COUPLE but theyre so many bad implications as mentioned above and i.. smh. They still have amazing moments. Like the lantern scene, the alter scene, the “what matters is you, not the state of you”, the end when hua cheng helps release the shackles on xie lian, the scene where hua cheng disappears, the way xie lian waited for him, like they were so close to being THAT COUPLE but then mxtx and her fujo ass just had to make it uncomfortable like that. i’m so bitter. Like the reason why i wrote out all of this is bc this novel could’ve been great but so many little things added up and made the experience far more sour than it shouldve been.

MXTX did hua cheng SO DIRTY by not giving him a character much outside of loving xie lian and being good at everything. Like when I first learned abt how Hua Cheng beat 33 heavenly officials at what they excel in best i was like WHO IS THIS LEGEND but honestly.. he rlly doesn’t have any motivations outside of helping xie lian and I wish he had more to him . Like if we had more situations like the one where hua cheng dug out his own eye to save the group of mortals on mount tong’lu then he’d have been a much more well rounded character. Honestly, that’s rlly the only instance where he seems to have taken xie lians ideals to heart. I wish we had more of that bc that scene was so cool. i wish it hadn’t been revealled so late and there was more than one occasion where he defends others (minus xie lian ofc) without anything for himself to gain that.

To contrast hualian with wangxian, i think wangxian work so well bc at their core, they have the same life goals and same ideas about people and the world. Where in hualian, xie lian has core principles and morals and hua cheng is just like, anything for xie lian. SMH they couldve been great but overall i think hualian falls flat for me because of my own fear of dating someone who doesn’t have a life outside of dating me. Moreso, my parents had this sort of unbalanced relationship towards the end of their marriage and it ended very badly and yea, i just can’t whole heartedly love relationships that in any way resemble this, even if it ends differently. that’s a personal thing tho.

I don’t think Hua Cheng has ANY bad intentions towards Xie Lian or ever will. I don’t think he’s ever manipulated xl or tried to force him to love him. But again, it’s my own personal feelings that makes me feel kinda.. ehh conflicted abt hualian. There was potential but again.. fujoshis ruin everything... smh. Overall i think the way it ended redeemed the issues it had but still there were issues and i really wish xie lian like,, reassured hua cheng about living his life freely at some point but whatever.

IN CONCLUSION

TGCF had the potential to be better than mdzs, it rlly did but it was bogged down by the authors own toxic mentalities abt love, and mlm relationships, and treating women like ppl and it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I enjoyed this book, truly i did (otherwise i wouldn’t have stuck through and read 750k words of it) but there are some flaws that cannot be glossed over. I hope that tgcf when it does get adapted, goes through the same miracle that cql did and makes the characters more like ppl and less like tropes but i doubt it. Also i highly doubt that a live action tgcf is feasible given the supernatural aspects of the series but we shall see. I’m excited for the donghua when it eventual comes out but i will continue to be critical of the novel bc..well.. you see why. idk if i’d reccommend this book tbh bc like yes i would, no i would... well.. </3. yea. overall, it sure was something that i enjoyed in spades. especially the last 5 chapters. I generally liked it but had many issues with it at the same time, but honestly, yea thats the standard fair for a mxtx novel.

#text heavy #'like rlly fucking text heavy #tgcf #tgcf lb #and with that... the lb is over #i dont think i'll read the extra but who knows #also i reread this twice looking for missing words and typos so i HOPE its coherant #anyways if u read this.. bless u and feel free to ask me anything abt what i've said #i legit just finished it and i havent thought back on everything so im v willing to hear different standpoints

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