#and theres a reason im the way i am

[redriverstyx]

turns out i have fasd (fabulous amazing silly disorder) 👍

#all the symptoms except the face thing #but thats actually a misconception and many people with fasd dont have the face #every single symptom matches up #every strength and weakness i have matches #which is kinda sad because it feels like my whole personality is just a Symptom lmfao #but its nice to know that there's a reason why i cant concentrate or do any studying and why im so forgetful n stuff #and im glad i found out so i dont hate myself for the rest of my life #and theres a reason im the way i am #and it isnt my fault #so yeah lol #hey guys im joining the neurodivergent gang wassup #it sucks though that theres no community for us #like with adhd and autism theres like a community because its so well known #but with fasd theres nothing #but there must be so many people who have it cuz all it takes is just a few drinks to fuck up the baby #but who get it misdiagnosed as autism or adhd because theyre similar #and cuz its such a bitch to get fasd diagnosed cuz no one wants to listen to you if you dont have The Face #i wont ever get it diagnosed probably or not at least whilst im a kid #because my mum doesnt want me to and doesnt listen when i tell her i have it even tho she has enough evidence that my bio mum drank #and i know she'll say theres no point because theres nothing we can do about it and itll just look bad on my resume blah blah blah #but it would be nice to and i would like to have it diagnosed just so its official and i can feel better about it a little #maybe one day ill do a campaign or something and spread awareness of it cuz that would be nice #and thats actually something i want to do maybe and get a purpose #and to help the kids like me who used to feel there was something horribly wrong with them and they couldnt concentrate or do anything #and who felt they were lazy and who were so miserable #because ITS NOT THEIR FAULT!!! #youre not lazy youre trying your best and doing so well #i want it to be more well known so people dont feel as awful about themselves and spend their life hating themselves #but for now ill just try to survive until adulthood #red meows

[hecksupremechips]

Akihiko becoming a cop is something that simply doesn’t happen in the coma route cuz Shinji would see that shit and be like Aki what the actual hell is wrong with you

#persona #persona 3 #akihiko sanada #shinjiro aragaki #akishinji #i guess #im making it that way lol #see if you know me you know i actively avoid p4 arena like the plague both cuz i hate p4 and cuz #i simply have no interest in how the p3 characters turn out if this is whats being done to them #i seen how akihiko and mitsuru look I HATE IT I HATE IT SO MUCH I WANNA EAT GRAVEL #the only character i care about is ken really i approve of him getting to be a funny teenager i love my baby boy so much #but i watched the akihiko social episodes for reload and he talks about becoming a cop and i was just like. of fucking course 😞 #we just cant escape this shit huh theres always gotta be a cop character for some reason #i consider this a bad ending for him cuz even though atlus and their copaganda loving asses would probably looove to tell me otherwise #theres literally no way shinji would stand for that shit like my guy has beef with the kirijos and was a homeless addict #so you know cops wouldnt like him and hes seen some shit #they had to kill him cuz hed tell the truth sldjks #i definitely am gonna explore this dynamic in my fic but you know. no way in hell is aki gonna be a cop on my watch lol #maybe he can be like. a PE teacher or some shit akskkls

[ganondoodle]

the worst part about finding more and more about totk that i dont like is that ... it seems like one of my biggest fears is going to become true; all of my previous hyperfixations died because a new thing of the franchise came out and i didnt like it, turned that strange, perhaps unhealthy, love and attachment into disappointment and sadness and im afraid thats happening to zelda right now, the one hyperfixation i hoped could last or at the very least i would just grow slowly away from in a good way if it was just totk that i didnt like, tho its hard to see all the love people have for it and just ... feel the opposite about it, it would be fine (heck i really disliked links awakening but ultimately i just regret spending so much money on it, it didnt impact my feelings about the rest of the franchise) but because it diminishes everything about botw too .. a game that i still love deeply, its not fine aside from me not liking anything they did with the zonau, it basically steamrolled botw too, damn near ignoring it ever happened, cramming in zonau stuff where it wasnt before just so its literally everywhere, taking its mysterious and answerign them in boring ways, implying that stuff i loved so much about botw was yet just another zonau thing (the three dragons possibly having been zonau ..........the ancient hero mystery being .. that.......) people basically claiming as fact that its somehow slammed into the old timeline despite it making no sense nor has any evidence aside from some names that happened to be used once before or them saying whats the point of ever looking at botw again bc totk does everything "better" ...

you cant ignore it really, even if i try to ignore what i dont like, i know whats revealed in totk, and others know it too.

and in turn it all makes me go back to that strange self hatred i thought i had finally left behind, the why do i care so much, its stupid to care so much about a piece of media i have no control about anyway, whats the point of caring so much, you have wasted so much time and effort and thought and tears about something like this, why are you so weird, why cant you just be like everyone else and love it all, why are you like this, stop being like this.

knowing i cant stop being like this, fearing from the start it might happen just like it has so many times, that i fall in love with a piece of media so much that when it gets a new thing that i dont like but affects every aspect of it it all flips into anger first, then disappointment and sadness and in end into wishing i wasnt weird like this, knowing i cant change it ... and it turning out true

#ganondoodles talks #i dont know how to feel #i dont want to lose interest i really dont #but im seeing it happen just like it has all these times before #on top of feeling bad for beign so negative #also feeling like the villain here bc so few people have the same criticisim as me #the only people that dont like it are those posting rants on youtube complaining about enemy variety or whatever #the game wasnt what i expceted nor what i hoped but weird thrid worse thing #that i dont know how to feel about #.... not to mention being afraid of making myself hated for being the way i am #probably the reason why so many popular zelda artists i liked and even talked to suddendly completely shadowbanned me #im afraid of losing everyone i got to know in this fandom #for being over emotional and annoying i guess #or maybe i am just a bitch #maybe they are right #maybe theres a good reason i never joined the ranks of cool and relatable popular artists #and maybe its better for me to stay in my weird lil bubble

[puppyeared]

i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim

#my meds just kicked in so im feeling talkative but truly idk how to explain it #its like. with anything else id be more than happy to introduce it to ppl like monkie kid and mp100. witch hat maybe but its personal to me #but skip to loafer is special to me. and i feel bad for saying this bc other ppl do deserve to watch smth they will enjoy #hell the reason i got into it was bc my friend was kind enough to lend me her copy and i got hooked #its so ironic im saying this esp given how insecure i am abt depicting characters wrong. but i really dont want to look thru the tags #and see them on a 'can i copy your homework' tier list. or ppl getting mad abt why egashira mitsumi and shima cant just be a throuple #its just!! i wont stop you if thats how you like to engage with the show or how you interpret it bc ill just ignore it and leave u alone!! #and theres no objective wrong way of doing it!! and i know that interacting with the work is what forms a community after all!! #but keeping it tight knit is just easier for me bc nobody has to worry abt making each other laugh and we can enjoy it for what it is #fully aware im saying this as someone whos drawn monkie kid art with text post memes and owl house draw the squad templates #but at the same time i just. dont want to explain myself or give ppl reasons why shima and mitsumi are ace coded just bc it 'feels right' #fandom is a communal thing and it feels so hypocritical thinking this. too many conflictng thoughts that idk what to act on #yapping

[randomminty]

Putting my iono and grusha here as well. They’re friends for streaming reasons

#Imagine getting a good atar score and it not mattering bc none of the courses you applied for need atar #Unrelated i got my atar today :) it was v good heheheheh #For non aussie ppl atars p much a mark for how you did overall in your y12 classes its important for most unis #But it can also not matter at all bc theres other ways to go to uni! And plenty of jobs that dont need uni! Idk! #I saw people saying grusha and iono are t4t. Ofc they are #Pokemon #Gym leader grusha #Gym leader iono #Oh my god i am yet to draw an actual pkmn and not just trainers god. I promise im a real pkmn fan #Oh yeah chongoblog replied to this art on twt i nearly had a heart attack #I woke up to like 12 new replies i and 40 follows i was like!!!!!! Aaaaaaa!!!!!!! #Todays been good so far. Only thing thatd make it better is if my dream uni got back to me….. they accepted my prerequisites i see you #Art tag #Only reason i posted this was to ramble abt atar. Farewell #oh my god i never replied to any of my replies on twt. im so bad at this. i cant think of things to say sjdbowwna augh

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

13/dhawan: too orange 12/missy: too blue 10/simm: too suits in offices

this is the burden of the thoschei shipper

#IVE COMPLAINED BEFORE AND I"LL DO IT AGAIN #aesthetically im fighting my way up mount perdition both ways in the snow or whatever the kids say #twissy is most fixable #13s era has some cool landscape shots #ten/simm are ON THE FUCKING PHONE OH MY GOD #im sure theres like some good meta or whatever good analysis good reasons for why they must be so fucking boring but Oh My God #how am i supposed to make this look nice boys!!!!! #im just back in the telepathy dirt scene every time how do i make the suits and offices look nice #thank god they invented whatsapp huh #the phooonnee!!!!!!!! #im not really mad im like giggling but just #do you ever watch last of the timelords?? #it's not pretty #why must one of the most heartwrenching thoschei scenes be iN SUITS AND UGLY OFFICES #they should be in like. gowns. on the moors. on the top of a tower like rapunzel. on a ship breaking up in a storm at sea #anything

[echo-stimmingrose]

I so desperately want to be this big multi-fandom person but I've been hyperfixated on the same thing for two years (PJO) and before that was a five year long hyperfixation for a series I don't post or read about anymore cause it makes me feel icky. Also getting into new fandoms makes me nervous cause I don't know how the people in the fandom are gonna be and I won't know anything about it going in, and it's always a fandom that's been around for years and I feel weird about joining it so late. It can also just be incredibly overwhelming, I so desperately want to be a marvel fan but the sheer amount of media there is to consume just makes me panic.

#idk i made this post. i just feel guilty that i only ever post about one thing fandom wise. #also all my irl friends are apart of multiple fandoms but im still stuck on one and am way more obsessed than they are #i also maladaptive daydream due to childhood trauma and i did that with the 5 year long hyperfixation #i ended up not being able to tell the difference between fiction and reality and when i came out of that i had to be hospitalized #its a horrible feeling cause i could no longer enjoy the series even without the author being a shitty person #i am apart of multiple fandoms but i can only focus on one at a time and theres not a lot i am apart of #i love #the owl house #arcane #pjo #nimona #but i really only post or think about one of them. i cant bring myself to finish toh for some reason and im waiting for S2 of arcane #echo's silly little rants

[chirpsythismorning]

Milkvans on Twitter < 48 hrs ago: Byler stans HATE El, they just pretend they don’t. At least us milkvans are honest about hating Will.

New tumblr account < 2 hrs ago: El is useless and she should die. Also Will has powers.

#byler #me a willel twin truther: am i a joke to you? #honey #sweetheart #if you hate will then hate him #no need to project onto bylers to feel better about yourself 😭 #we love el in these parts #get used to it #you aren’t gonna find anyone wishing death on el or anyone in the party here quite frankly #give it up #you ever think that hating Will vehemently is probably not the way the show was intended to be watched…? #and if you feel that way you’re probably watching it wrong? #same goes for el #theres a reason bylers don’t hate el to the degree milkvans hate will #you guys feel threatened over a ship… #ppl only get hostile and start harassing complete strangers when they are feeling insecure #unbothered ppl stay in their lanes and eat their food in peace #maybe go do the same instead of stressing yourself out by projecting hate with pettiness #im willing to bet the antibyler account and this new one are the same person..

[whack-patty]

So guess who completely forgot that chocolate milk and strawberry milk is such a big internet thing and made a poll in the heat of the moment and now my inbox is full of T H E funniest tags but also now i can't find any of the non chocolate/strawberry milk debate stuff in the chocolate/strawberry milk flood i am drowning in

GOOD GOLLY

#i genuinely dont mind how bad im getting smoked because it is CO M E D Y G O L D #i will gladly put my dignity on the line in public as long as its a funny story later #the person i was debating with likes to scroll through the tags while im ignoring my phone #and read through her favorite of the mean choccy milk tags #right to me <3 its a good daily routine #anyway please universe do not let this one become a ten thousand billion note one i miss having like 12 notifications all about the blorbos #FR IM SURE I ALREADY SAID THIS BUT IF YOU NEED ME FEEL FREE TO SEND AN ASK and ill see it. late #the seeing it late is unrelated to the choccy milk thing #ive already made this announcement right before the poll thing #im making it again because theres a new reason im not seeing anybodys stuff #it is; being overwhelmed #in a good way i promise its really funny #but also oh gosh i have made a tactical error #i am lying in bed typing this instead of sleeping #if you read this far heres a fun fact for you; the human eye can percieve more shades of green than any other color #neat right #🟩📗🟢🍏🥗🥬💚♻️🐍🍃🌱🍀🤢🌲🌿 #green :^) #ramblin

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought. #i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper #thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times #like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks. #nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she #was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled #a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where #you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder? #but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what #then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student. #everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have #and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my #leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but #i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying #my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound #by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting #better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that #and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path. #one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do #what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it. #maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for. #unrelated

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[jefferythejelly]

*long, deep, belabored sigh*

#discourse #<- except not really bc i am vagueing #idk im just tired. and sad #for a lot of reasons. some of which are i think v much not the reasons other ppl are mad rn lmao #like. yes it has problems yes i wish it could be better yes this absolutely sucks shit #and that is all v much part of the reason i am tired and sad #but the constant neg abt every aspect of the server also has started grinding on me. well always has i think im just reaching a limit #bc i like it! i do! theres good parts and i like them a whole lot! #idk it just rubs me the wrong way bc even if i do agree with a lot of the criticism whenever it comes from this side of the community #it always kinda feels like its in bad faith to me. like its in desire to watch it burn first and actually improve anything second #and its just like. argh #and like on the flip side. god i love this server but why does it have to be run by a guy who is the way he is #negative #yeah i think this needs that tag too lmao #idk ive been thinking abt taking a break for a little bit here and i dont think i am #mostly bc it would involve unfollowing 90% of my mutuals and i dont really want to do that #but i just wish casually sticking around like this didnt also involve. all the bullshit that comes with being in this fandom(s). lol. lmao. #anyways. i am going to go eat dinner

[delightfuldevin]

Why can people get away with horrendously overcharging older games

I don’t care how popular a game was, there is no reason a game that came out over a decade ago should cost more than twice as much now, and it especially shouldn’t be more than games coming out right now.

#i forgot that another reason why i dont play pokemon aside from my personal qualms with the gameplay itself #is that i cant fucking find a copy of black that isnt a bazillion dollars #i bought black2 without realizing that it was a ‘fake’ copy #the game works fine but i cant transfer my pokes to bank #which is important to me cause if im gonna play pokemon games then i want my babies in home at some point #i dont wanna just leave them in the game itself and never see them again #so i need a legit copy of black so i can transfer my pokes there then from there to bank and from bank to home #(specifically want black so i can get reshiram since i got zekrom in black2) #but as i was saying i cant fucking find a legit copy of black #people on ebay want close to $80 for it and theres no fucking way im paying that much for a game that came out in like 2010 #pokemon games coming out right now are $60 and thats already a lot #the pokemon games for 3ds were like $30 or $40 i think #theres just no way im paying $80 for a game that old #not pokemon but i had this same issue trying to get ttyd too #thank god its getting remade this year cause otherwise i never wouldve gotten it #people are charging like $50 or more FOR THE CASE ALONE #not the game. THE FUCKING CASE #i do not give a shit how popular or amazing or ‘ahead of its time’ a game is #that is just fucking robbery #i am so filled with visceral rage right now i can barely express it #the ‘you had to be there’ culture surrounding gaming is sooo frustrating i cant express it #its just soooo hostile to new players and im losing my mind #king sad sack

[aroanthy]

doing a literature degree is just thinking about revolutionary girl utena 24/7 and being too scared to float the idea of even flirting with it in your dissertation. i was like yeah i can write about utena as a gothic text that'll be fine (horrified at the thought of having to explain that this obscure and notoriously difficult anime that hates you as an audience member until you Get It is actually really good and cool and it is such a fundamental part of my identity to my tutors)

#IM RIGHT AND I KNOW IT BUT SHAME EATS ME ALIVE #in this way i am anthycoded. theres no other reason why shes just like me haha what #maybe ill just calm down and make an essay series in my (nonexistent) spare time about it/infiltrate academia and drop the bombshell later #litposting #ok but fr listen to me listen to me. ideas about the gothic and women's gothic and utena as authentically shoujo loving & celebrating shouj #also embracing and playing with gothic tropes aesthetics ideas methods of framing and representation #it's all there. im crazy. let my two special interests of all time merge into one please please please #dais.txt

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

I made a meme do you leik it :)

#i am SUFFERING out here #i have a presentation and essay for one module a presentation for another module and an object to make with a 1000 word explanation?? #for another module all due within the next two weeks #and i am unable to get out of bed 👍🏻 #fantastic timing dont you think #theres been trouble with my antidepressents so im off those too which ahahahahah doesnt help #and i cant got to the doctors for them cause ill have to fight for it and then that will give them reason to not give me testosterone in #december when im due to get it cause im 'unstable' and my doctors surgery isnt very fond of me starting anyway #im not about to give them a reason to stop me from getting the perscription #so ive just got to fucking raw dog life for the first time since i was 16 how great #no i cannot complete these very important assignments that count towards my degree im trying not to throw myself into oncoming traffic soz #and also trying to manage to feed myself and perhaps leave my bedroom for a total of five minutes at least a day #this has not been entirely achievable but yk im doing my best 😀👍🏻 #depressive episode #did any of yall see those two girls with a podcast that said i love my mental illness it makes me who i am #because i think about those two far too often and im so glad everyone was in the comments so much so they deleted the video lmfao cause bro #depression #can suck my dick #in a bad way

[side-b-bumblebi]

People will really let neurodivergent people go through years of feeling like absolute trash about themselves and like their very way of being is inherently wrong and then the second you get a word that helps you understand why you feel the way you do and find community they're like "I just don't get why it matters :/ you're just a human and that's okay <3"

#yall are the same people who made fun of me for talking too much as a kid and get annoyed at me for getting too excited about hyperfixations #like yeah?? sorry for being relieved that theres a reason i am the way i am when you always made it clear that i wasnt normal?? #im so tired #adhd #ocd #autism #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neuroatypical