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neurodihuegent · 3 years

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[PART ONE] Huey's character development: season 1 to season 3.

with ducktales 2017 coming to a close in less than two weeks, i thought that now was best of all times to create a post of how i think huey has developed as a character throughout all three seasons. please remember, this post is just based on how I see his character development, and you're free to have your own ideas and/or not agree with all of my points!

1.) learning to adjust to new environments/accepting failures: When we were first introduced to huey's character, one of the biggest take aways was that he's a very "by the book" kind of a person, and has a hard time adjusting to foreign environments or situations that he will need to go with the flow and what he already knows, rather than doing everything by the book.

This was mainly introduced in "The Terror of the Terrafirmians!" in season one, where we could literally see Huey scrambling to make sense of the situation, and at some points, spouting out B.S. to make sense of the situation in his head. While he did end up coming to terms that the Terrafirmians are in fact, very real, he still only decided to believe it once it was documented in his Junior Woodchuck Guidebook.

Progressively throughout the show, we see Huey being put in situations where he has to be able to think quick on his feet rather than anxiously try to sort out all that he knows from the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook. Because of his personality, Huey not only had a hard time adjusting to foreign environments, but it's also been shown that he has a hard time accepting set backs as well. From what we've seen, it's easy to infer that when Huey has his mind set on something, he will do nothing short of achieving that goal: And when said goal is not achieved, or is starting to look like it won't be achieved, he takes it very personally.

This is especially seen in "The Infernal Internship of Mark Beaks!" and "The Challenge of the Senior Junior Woodchuck!": Where in "The Infernal Internship of Mark Beaks", even though Huey was definitely more qualified for the position by a significant amount, when Dewey got the position, his first instinct was to get angry instead of congratulate his brother: Granted, Dewey wasn't completely deserving of the position over Huey, and at this point, Huey was just a kid still learning how to manage his emotions, but his instictive reaction tells a lot about his character at the time. Thankfully, we see this progress with "The Challenfe of the Senior Junior Woodchuck!", where Huey is once again put in a situation where the odds were against him, considering that this time around, Violet was more qualified and prepared for the position than he was. At first, Huey does take this badly, getting super anxious that he'll have to do a challenging, dangerous course that no 11-12 year old probably should be doing, on his lonesome without even the help of the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook, which has been shown to be a source of comfort for Huey. At one point, he is only surviving through the course by creating a talking Junior Woodchuck Guidebook in his head, but even that goes south as he gets so overwhelmed and anxious to the point where he sets it on fire in his head. Eventually, noticing how far he's fallen behind Violet, and realizing how deserving she is of the title over him despite his love for everything Junior Woodchucks, he is able to come to terms with the fact that he lost, and instead of getting upset or beating himself up for it, he gracefully allows her to be announced as the winner, and shows her his full support. This is meaningful, because if this was season 1 Huey, we honestly can not say that his reaction to his loss would've been the same: He probably would've gotten a lot more upset about it than he actually did in season 3.

"Quack Pack!", despite somewhat being more of a comedic episode, also sheds light on how Huey's learned to adjust with a change in environment: He was the first character (other than Donald, who was fully aware) to pick up on the fact that they are in an alternate universe, set inside of a 1990s sitcom, and becomes increasingly anxious about it as a result, especially since everyone was pretty much oblivious of it at first. However despite this, when the family confronts Donald about the wish, while Donald does make a compelling point of how this scenario gives them a sense of normalcy and security, Huey also brings up the fact that despite the hardships they may face, adventuring is an integral part of their new found family. Even though Huey has always been pretty enthusiastic about adventuring, especially in comparison to Louie and pre-season 3 Donald, there has been times where adventuring has caused him anxiety due to being confronted with new settings or situations that he doesn't immediately know how to handle, so considering this, I think that line alone has shown the great improvement Huey has made with adjusting.

2.) embracing "The Duke": in the first two seasons, while we always had somewhat of an idea that huey was the triplet that inherited the infamous McDuck anger, "The Duke" wasn't something that was necessarily explored much in the first two seasons, leading people to believe that it was just for comedic plot. However, in season 3, we finally got an image of what "The Duke" actually is and represents, alongside with how Huey truly feels about this side of him.

Based on my perception of "The Split Sword of Swanstantine", Huey sees The Duke as an entire separate entity from himself rather than just how far his anger can really go, decides to completely reject this side and keep it locked away in his brain. Of course, we've had our early season moments where The Duke "slipped out", but for the most part, leading up to The Split Sword of Swanstantine, we never really got a full glimpse of what exactly the Duke is: and given his personality, it makes sense as to why Huey was rejecting this side of him instead. Not only does The Duke represent one of Huey's most vulnerable states, but knowing how far his anger can go, goes completely against the side of his personality that he does allow to shine: Being orderly, being well put together, and being the brain of his sibling trio, which being blinded by anger would all deter. Despite the strength that embracing his anger gives him, Huey obviously still sees it as a weakness, because it's the side of him he doesn't want people to see, especially those closest to him, because before the events of The Split Sword, Huey didn't exactly have the greatest control of his anger, so while nobody would want to think of it, no one knows how far he could really go if he's pissed enough.

However, thanks to the encouragement of Lena, Huey was finally able to embrace that side of him, and fully gain control over his anger which is something we don't typically see with the infamous McDuck Anger, given that the only way he could defeat Steelbeak who had an obvious advantage, was to tap into his true strength. The biggest takeaway Huey got from this situation, is that his anger shouldn't be treated as if it's a separate entity, or as if it's something to be embarassed of, but to truly embrace that side of himself, and learn how to control it, all things that he was able to accomplish by the end of "The Split Sword of Swanstantine".

3.) building new relationships:

Since season one, it's been hinted that Huey does struggle a bit on the friendship aspect of things. He does have very close relationships with his brothers and Webby, but even these can be hindered by clashing personalities and differing interests. Even though it's fairly obvious that HDLW all love and support each other like family, Huey has never really exactly been shown to have a bond with someone where he shares completely similar interests: Now, this isn't really important in friendship, often times opposites attract even down to the friendship aspect, but it is nice to have someone where you can just sit and chat about similar interests, and do stuff together that you'll both enjoy.

The first time we've gotten a hint at Huey struggling with making friends was in "The Day of the Only Child!", where, if the Beagle Brothers didn't show up, Huey would've been out of luck with finding two other participants for the three-man cookout, considering that everyone else was already paired up and Louie and Dewey were already off doing their own things for the day. Also hinted in that same episode, is the fact that Huey make struggle with loneliness as well (Huey "Be horribly alone." Dewey: "For once!"), given that he's spent most if not all of his life constantly with his brothers and Donald, so even if him and his brothers did have fall outs every here and there, he could always rely on them to be there given that outside of them, he didn't rely have any other friends.

Now, this somewhat turns around in season 2, when we're introduced to Fenton, who Huey not only idolizes as Gizmoduck, but looks at like a genuine best friend and most likely, as an older brother figure. Besides Huey's admiration of Gizmoduck, it's been shown that they bond over their similar interest in science, and in general, Huey is constantly looking out for Fenton and always wanting to protect his best friend from any danger or hurt that he himself can prevent. Despite Fenton undoubtedly being Huey's closest friend, I think that it's also important to shed light on the friendships that he's made that are more in his age group.

Following the events of Astro BOYD!, we are introduced to Boyd and Huey's friendship, two characters that existed in the show prior but never had any interactions. Huey and Boyd bond over their interest in the Junior Woodchucks, something that we once again see Huey get backlash for from his fellow Woodchucks, for being too "by the book" and not just "relaxing and being a kid" (even going as far to label him as a "robot"). Even in Boyd's malfunctioning, Huey is determined to stay by his side until the end, not only because of their shared interests and the bonding they began to do at the very beginning of the episode, but also because Huey understood what it was like to be cast away and treated as less just for being different (or in Huey's words, "wired a little differently"). Even though Fenton is Huey's closest friend by a margin, I would consider Boyd's friendship with him really meaningful, at least given the circumstances of how they became friends in the first place: Two people who were cast aside, for not being what society considered the "perfect/normal kid", and instead of people working with them, they were just cast aside easily. Considering how fast Huey probably had to grow up given the circumstances of living with Donald who, despite being an amazing father figure, dealt with poverty pretty often, it's no wonder why he's very mature for his age and very "by the book", but it's also no wonder why kids who probably didn't have to grow up with those circumstances, would easily be turned off. Louie and Dewey are a lot more understanding considering they grew up in the same setting, but even they dealt with it differently, often leading to their personalities clashing, which is even lampshaded in this episode as another insecurity of Huey's when building relationships ("Are you sure you want me to continue? My brothers are usually *begging* me to stop.).

We're also introduced to another friendship at the very beginning of season three, with Violet. Even though at the beginning, things were a bit rocky considering how anxious Huey was getting from the Senior Woodchuck competition, and his determination to beat Violet, even to the point of leaving him behind when she probably needed him the most, by the end of the episode, we see both Violet and Huey not only reconcile, but start to actually bond. During this high stress situation, Violet was a great source of relief for Huey, using her own experiences of failure to inspire Huey to not give up, and that even if he does lose (which he did) in this specific situation, there'll be more opportunities because he is great when it comes to the Junior Woodchucks. Even when Violet wins, instead of being bitter which would definitely be expected considering that Huey is a child and how much he was anticipating winning, he is able to put his grievances aside and congratulate her because she helped him greatly during a point of weakness. Even if Violet and Huey's friendship didn't end up as closeknit as his and Boyd's, or as prominent as his and Fenton's, I think this was still a meaningful connection for him as Violet was great balance for the anxiety that he was feeling at the time, and despite him leaving her behind, she beared no ill will towards him.

This is only the first part, where I examined what I felt were the key component to his character development over the last three seasons, and the next post will focus on other aspects that weren't as focused on during the series!

#huey masterpost #huey duck #ducktales

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canonicallyanxious · 3 years

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taking a moment to think about how good i think druck new gen has been so far at maintaining character continuity across seasons... i think with a format where the main character changes every season it’s quite difficult to keep characterizations/arcs consistent across seasons as all the characters change the roles that they occupy in the story but so far i’ve been really impressed with the growth/development of the cashqueens and how much was established in s5 that is now being explored and deconstructed in s6!

Just a few examples I can think of off the top of my head:

1. In s5 it was well-established that Fatou avoids conflict as much as she can and will avoid engaging with difficult situations rather than explicitly expressing anger or frustration. we could see this in the way that she was very often the first to give Nora the benefit of the doubt, as well as the way she fully withdrew - going so far as to not go to school - after Nora hurt her at the end of ep 8. in this season this is a major part of her character arc. we see her many times throughout the season say/do what she thinks other people want to hear or need from her, which has already resulted in her taking on too much multiple times and subsequently neglect her emotional needs and internalize the idea that she should be able to stay the chill friend who doesn’t need help or support with anything. in this clip the line “i just want to do right by everyone” really stands out to me bc that’s been her main motivation basically the whole time we’ve known her. she just wants to do right by everyone, but in the process no one knows just how much she’s dealing with which means she has no support in the times she can’t do everything that is being asked of her.

[worth noting, i think, that the times we’ve seen Fatou get properly upset this season are often in response to Kieu My. “crazy that I couldn’t see how fake you are” and “you’re just too much of a coward to tell me i’m not good enough for you” are what come to mind for me. i find that really interesting because i think it shows the way her story arc with Kieu My has already helped her grow this season. in the former scene, that’s an important step in her laying down the line and saying “i deserve better than how you’re treating me”; in the latter scene it’s one of the few times the whole season she’s really put her own insecurities into words. also crucial to note how Kieu My responds to Fatou every time - with understanding, compassion, the implicit acknowledgement that she does need to do better and the consistent follow-up with her attempts to do so. so fatou has the space to express her negative feelings, but also work through them and process them in a healthy way. imo it’s a compelling way of developing their romance and giving it nuance and depth!]

2. back in s5 it was clear from social media and Mailin’s actions in the show that she is very passionate about doing the right thing [her main motivation for stealing the money from the instas was that it wasn’t right for them to waste the class’s money, for example]. she has a strong moral compass that’s quite admirable for someone of her age! but we also saw in s5 that she could be impulsive and a little careless with how her actions impact others [e.g when she broke into the campground], and also prioritize her activism over the feelings of her friends [e.g in the discussion of Thanksgiving, bringing up the fact that Thanksgiving is emblematic of genocide and oppression of American indigenous peoples when Ava mostly just wanted to recognize that she enjoys the holiday for the feeling of communion and such].

so to see them build on that thread here into a fleshed-out storyline properly addressing her performative activism and the way it can impact her marginalized friends is imo a really important story to tell. i feel like often when racism is tackled in mainstream media it often runs the risk of either being overly exaggerated/caricaturized or just completely glossed over, so there is a balance to be struck here with holding Mailin accountable for her actions while giving her space to grow and learn from her mistakes - she’s not some cartoon villain, she’s a teenager who’s still trying to learn how to navigate the world - and [hopefully] providing a roadmap of learning how to be a better ally. so far though it seems clear that druck is making a concerted effort to navigate that line with how carefully they’ve put in the pieces from s5 and earlier in this season.

3. for Ava, we saw pretty early on in s5 that she deeply values friendship, loyalty, honesty, and trust. this was established through the way she stood up for Fatou in s5 ep 9, as well as how she was more open to Nora as soon as Nora was more open with her. this continues in this season as well with the conflict b/w ava and fatou. the conversation bw them at the beginning of s6 ep 5 remains one of my favorite clips of the season bc i feel like it captures Ava’s character and their friendship very well - "friends always come first”, and the way that she opened up with Fatou when she intuited that Fatou was genuinely opening up to her as well. this aspect of her character is highlighted in today’s clip with lines like “have you even asked me how i’m doing?” and how she doesn’t always want to be the mature and responsible one. we’ve seen ava multiple times in this season try to put aside her own feelings for the sake of friendship, to be the “mature” one for the sake of keeping the peace, but she’s reached a point where she just can’t do that anymore. Reciprocity in friendship is very important to her in that she wants [and deserves!] the same support and energy from her relationships that she gives to them, but when characters like fatou and nora aren’t able to provide that reciprocity [for reasons that are of course extremely understandable from their point of view] that can cause a lot of hurt for Ava precisely because of the things that have already been established to be very important to her.

4. tbqh i don’t have as much to say about Nora as i do about the others but i will say that i think the way she reacts in this clip is understandable in the context of her character too, actually! we know from s5 that she’s another character who’s prone to glossing over her real feelings in an effort to keep the illusion that everything is okay. we also know that this is really the first time she’s been able to establish some independence for herself from her mother while also having a lot to deal with in terms of her mental illness and navigating a relationship with someone while coping with those things, which is probably a lot to adjust to and puts into context why she’s not been committing as much time to the cashqueens recently. like the other characters she has a lot to balance and reasons not to be totally open about what she’s going through, which complements the themes of her season and fatou’s season quite well.

mostly i just find it impressive how much work has been put into developing these characters’ arcs and making all their perspectives understandable to us in a clip like this. because their characterizations have been well-established and incorporated into their respective arcs, we are able to more deeply understand their feelings and why they’re reacting the way they do to a situation like this. it’s part of what makes conflict between them so difficult to watch, i think, but it’s also part of what makes their conflict feel so real, and i just think it’s really cool to see the writers of this show making a concerted effort to afford their characters compassion and empathy even in difficult times so that we can extend compassion and empathy to them as well.

#sarah.txt #druck #this show really has me out here writing fuckin dissertations about teenagers every week smh #i'm not even a little bit sorry #druck meta #story meta

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hajimes-erect-ahoge · 3 years

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Postmortem- Chapter 18

Shuichi finally confronts Kokichi.

ao3

Finding Ouma proved to be much harder than expected, Saihara’s few moments of hesitation seeming to be all that the other boy needed to get a headstart. After he dashed up the stairs, Saihara was left with an empty corridor. The rest of the boys must have made their way back to their rooms already, as there was no one in sight.

The apartment complex wasn’t necessarily that big, leaving only a few places that Ouma could’ve gone. That is, if he was even in the apartment complex to begin with. Allowing himself to make the assumption that Ouma hadn’t gone far, Saihara set off to check the common room and the dorms, as well as asking the others if they had seen the other boy.

The more time that passed, the more frantic Saihara became. The puzzle pieces slowly started to click in his mind, cementing the fact that Ouma was indeed being genuine with his confession. And of course, Saihara had to accuse him of lying, only aiding in making the situation more of a mess. Nonetheless, there was nothing he could do now but pray that he would find Ouma soon so he could apologize to him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ouma had discovered this place not too long after moving into the apartment complex, his natural inclination to explore the place taking over. Right at the end of the hall where the dorms were located there was a closet, similar to the one in the hospital. Anyone else would’ve just ignored this, but Ouma, being naturally curious, felt compelled to investigate it. His suspicions as to where this door led were confirmed when he was met with a staircase, presumably leading up to the roof. He filed this information in the back of his head, storing it there for later use.

Right now was the perfect time to use that information, he thought to himself as he sat cross-legged near the edge of the roof. It wasn’t nearly as high up as the roof of the hospital was, and he wasn’t as scarily close to the edge as he was when he sat there, but it fulfilled its purpose of giving him a place to be alone with his thoughts.

Belatedly, he recalled the time when Saihara found him up on the roof and reassured him that he wasn’t alone. Ouma found himself missing the warmth of Saihara’s hand by his face, lingering there after gently tucking his hair behind his ear.

But now all that he felt was cold.

In a way, he supposed that he deserved this. Being alone had always been his default state of being, and he was a fool for believing that he could live otherwise. It was his fault for allowing himself to fall prey to the delusion that he could be loved by someone else, be wanted by someone else. Especially when that someone else was Saihara.

The truth was that Saihara deserved better than him. He deserved someone who didn’t come with so much baggage and so many layers of distrust, someone who was capable of loving him like he should be loved. Ouma could never be that person for Saihara.

Maybe it was better this way. Having Ouma’s impulsive and heartfelt confession be dismissed as a lie was logically the best thing that could happen, as the two of them could continue their lives being just friends and nothing more.

...So why did it hurt so much?

Smothering his feelings and lying to Saihara about his feelings was the best course of action, so why did it hurt so much?

Maybe he was tired of lying, parading around and disguising himself as someone that he wasn’t. But lying was all that he knew how to do. When he wasn’t lying he was running away from his problems, ignoring the pang in his chest when Saihara called out his name and chased after him.

Suppressing his emotions, running away, ignoring the pain- it was a vicious cycle of suffering for Ouma. But if bearing this pain meant that others could be happy he would willingly do so, subjecting himself to this torment until the day he dies. As long as Saihara was happy everything would be okay.

The plan was simple: Ouma would act as if nothing happened between him and Saihara, dodging any of the other boy’s attempts to bring up his confession. As far as Ouma was concerned, the whole exchange had never even happened in the first place. The purpose of this was to make sure Saihara was blissfully unaware of Ouma’s feelings, allowing him to live in peace while Ouma suffered internally. Everything would be fine that way.

But of course, the universe had other plans for him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Saihara had been pacing throughout the apartment, having failed in locating Ouma. He knew that the other boy would have to return there eventually, so he waited.

And boy did Ouma keep him waiting.

It was long after Momota had gone to bed, the night stretching on uncomfortably. Saihara couldn’t sleep even if he wanted to, worry gnawing at his heart with every passing second. Had he really hurt Ouma so much that he didn’t even want to face him? Or was he just overthinking things and Ouma was completely fine?

No, there’s no way he isn’t upset… I’m almost certain that his confession was genuine.

As the implications of that statement became more apparent, the logical part of Saihara’s brain came to a screeching halt.

Wait a second… Ouma-kun has feelings for me?!

Eyes wide and face flushed, Saihara had to fight off his internal sense of doubt as he tried to calm himself down.

His brain immediately fired a plethora of responses to the conclusion he had just drawn, trying to convince him that he was wrong. But each and every one of these excuses was shot down with the logical facts of the situation.

If Ouma-kun was lying, why would he have run away like that? It just doesn’t make sense…

All feelings of drowsiness left his body as he was now alert, nervously chewing at his bottom lip as his brain frantically fired one thought after another.

But Ouma-kun having feelings for me doesn’t make sense either! Why would he even see me that way?! I’m so boring and awkward, and he’s so entertaining and smart… and cute…

Saihara was so engrossed with his thoughts that he didn’t even notice Ouma strategically opening the door as quietly as possible, slipping into the apartment without being detected.

Ouma had almost made it to the bedroom when the wooden floor beneath him creaked, signaling his presence. Saihara gave a surprised yelp, having been startled out of his thoughts of utter disbelief. He turned towards the source of the disturbance only to spot Ouma, who was standing there as nonchalantly as possible.

“Well if it isn’t my beloved Saihara-chan! I totally didn’t even see you there!” The sarcasm in his voice was evident, making it clear that he didn’t want to talk.

“Um… Ouma-kun? Can I-”

Ouma gave a theatrical yawn, cutting Saihara off mid-sentence.

“Wow, would you look at that! I’m beat!” He made his way to the bedroom, swinging open the door. “I better get to bed now! Good night, Saihara-chan!”

“W-Wait! About before-” Saihara desperately tried to gain Ouma’s attention, but it was no use.

“Oh, by the way!” Ouma drummed his fingers along the edge of the door, not even bothering to turn and face Saihara. “I’ll be sleeping in your bed again! Alone.”

The door to the bedroom was slammed shut, Ouma having no concern for the sleeping Momota. Meanwhile, Saihara stood there dumbfounded at how easily he was shut out.

With a sigh, he made himself comfortable on the couch, resigning himself to sleeping there as he was too cowardly to face Ouma once more.

This is gonna be harder than I thought…

~~~~~~~~~~

The next few days were filled with similar encounters, in which Saihara attempted to bring up their conversation in the game room and Ouma came up with increasingly creative solutions as to why he couldn’t talk at the time.

When Saihara wasn’t trying to bring up what occurred between them, Ouma would act completely normal. But as soon as he tried changing the subject, Ouma would hit the abort button and immediately leave to go somewhere else. It didn’t help that Ouma was exceptionally observant, being able to detect whenever Saihara was about to bring up what happened. The ex-detective was never particularly good at hiding his emotions, after all.

The amount of times that Saihara failed to confront Ouma was starting to get ridiculous, making him almost consider dropping the subject completely. Almost.

But Saihara had a few ideas of his own, having figured out Ouma’s pattern by now. Every time he would even come close to having a serious talk with him, Ouma would bolt out of the room with some extravagant excuse after dismissing Saihara’s statements completely. If he was able to corner Ouma and leave him no means of escape, then Saihara could successfully spring the dreaded discussion upon him.

Although trapping him somewhere and forcing him to talk about something he clearly didn’t want to talk about seemed a bit cruel, it was inevitable as Ouma had left him no other choice. While he couldn’t guarantee that Ouma would cooperate once they were alone, the fact that they would be talking in the first place would be progress, even if it was only Saihara speaking.

Ignoring what had happened was simply not an option. Not when guilt overloaded Saihara’s brain every time he spoke with Ouma, wishing that he had handled the situation differently. He was going to fix this, and he was going to do it now.

Saihara glanced at the clock, taking note of the time. It was almost noon, and Ouma was usually awake by now. Normally, Saihara would also be waking up around now, but he hadn’t been sleeping as well the past few days after what happened. After excusing himself from the living room where he and Momota were, Saihara made his way to the bedroom to confront Ouma.

He could practically feel his heart thrumming against his ribcage as he slowly opened the door to the bedroom, the prospect of talking with Ouma about this sending flutters down his stomach. While it was true that Saihara had tried speaking with him about this many times, the reality that it was actually about to happen made him even more nervous than before. Nonetheless, he forced himself to continue, stepping into the bedroom gingerly.

“Ouma-kun?” Saihara spoke barely above a whisper, not wanting to startle the other boy. “Are you awake?”

Entering the room, Saihara saw Ouma sitting up in his bed, staring back at him tiredly. After a few beats of silence Ouma perked up, plastering a fake smile onto his face.

“Gooood morning, Saihara-chan!” he drawled cheerfully, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “Man, what time is it? I don’t know about you but I slept like a baby last night!” He stretched his arms out in front of him, yawning theatrically.

“Good morning.” Ignoring his shaking hands, Saihara closed the door behind him, standing in front of it and blocking off Ouma’s escape route. The other boy immediately recognized his intentions, eyes widening and body tensing noticeably. “Listen, Ouma-kun…” With a sigh, Saihara continued. “I’ve been trying to talk to you for a while but you kept avoiding me, so-”

“Hmm? I have nooo idea what you’re talking about!” Ouma sprung out of bed, approaching Saihara with a glare. “Maybe Saihara-chan needs to go back to bed since he keeps imagining things!”

Although he was smiling, his eyes betrayed feelings of anger and resentment as he stared daggers at Saihara, silently telling him to drop the subject and move out of the way. But Saihara was surprisingly stubborn, having been fed up with Ouma’s constant avoidance and running away. He crossed his arms, unmoving.

“I’m not imagining anything. I know exactly what you’re trying to do and it’s not going to work.” Saihara refuted Ouma’s words, the other boy narrowing his eyes bitterly. “I’m not leaving until you hear me out.” Saihara allowed his gaze to soften, attempting to put Ouma at ease. “I understand that this must be hard for you but I can’t let you keep running away from your feelings. Not when…”

Saihara clenched his fists, staring down at the ground. A flurry of emotions had overwhelmed him, clouding his mind. Meanwhile, Ouma was silent, giving Saihara time to collect his thoughts and put them into words.

After having adequate time to piece his thoughts together, Saihara looked back towards Ouma. “I-I care about you a lot, Ouma-kun. I like you a lot, too. And I’m sorry for not believing you the other day. I just…” Saihara gulped, fighting the urge to cry. “I find it so hard to believe that someone like you has feelings for someone like me. I’m so boring and awkward and I just don’t understand why-”

“Shh, it’s okay Saihara-chan.” Ouma was suddenly by his side, wiping away his tears. “Just breathe, okay? I’m right here.”

Saihara gave a weak nod, leaning into the touch. Ouma wasn’t used to comforting others besides the standard affirmations, so he stood in silence as Saihara composed himself.

“Thank you, Ouma-kun.” Saihara sniffled, “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have accused you of lying when you said that you liked me. I just couldn’t believe it, you know?” He gave a small smile, a hint of sadness still behind it. “But I should’ve known better… You’ve grown so much since the killing game, you wouldn’t lie about something like that. And then you ran away and I just felt awful… So I’m sorry. Again.”

Ouma stared at him blankly, hesitantly speaking.

“Geez, Saihara-chan… You don’t need to keep apologizing like that…”

He was silent for a moment before continuing, his expression shifting into something more serious.

“I’m sorry too. For avoiding you.” Ouma sighed, looking over his shoulder, “I guess I could’ve handled this a lot better… But where’s the fun in that?” He gave a sly smile, breathing a sigh of relief when Saihara smiled back, shaking his head.

“But seriously…” Ouma’s smile vanished, his serious expression returning. “I do really like you, Saihara-chan. And that’s not a lie.”

“I like you too, Ouma-kun. I think it’s cute how you always cling to me, and I really appreciate you being vulnerable with me… So if it’s okay with you, I’d really like to pursue a deeper relationship with you… O-Oh, but only if you want to, of course!” Saihara stammered.

When he looked back at Ouma he noticed that his face was flushed, accompanied by a small pout. Saihara was worried that he said something wrong, but then Ouma smiled ever so slightly, staring at the ground.

“Of course I would like that, you dummy…” he mumbled, almost going unheard by Saihara.

“R-Really?!” Saihara nearly shouted, giving a sheepish smile.

“Uh-huh!” Ouma affirmed proudly, “But only if Saihara-chan promises to buy me all the Panta in the world!”

Saihara chuckled, “Anything to make you happy.”

“Great!” Ouma skipped over to Saihara, suddenly embracing him. Saihara froze momentarily before wrapping his arms around Ouma, holding him even closer.

Ouma pulled away much too quickly for Saihara’s liking, leaving him craving more contact with the boy.

“Well don’t just stand there! We’ve got to get ready, right?” Ouma announced excitedly.

“Uhh, sure…” Saihara agreed confusedly. “Wait, what are we getting ready for exactly?”

“Our first date, of course!” Ouma frowned, his bottom lip quivering as crocodile tears threatened to stream down his face. “D-Don’t tell me… Saihara-chan doesn’t love me anymore?!”

Saihara chuckled at the other boy’s theatrics, shaking his head. “A first date sounds great. What do you want to do?”

“Hmm…” Ouma thought for a moment before settling on the easiest and quickest option, taking Saihara’s hand in his. “Close your eyes and come with me!”

Barely having time to protest against the sudden action or voice his confusion, Saihara was suddenly being dragged out of the apartment by an overly excited Ouma, their destination unknown. Wherever they were going was fine with Saihara, as he was content going anywhere as long as it was with Ouma.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Open your eyes!”

Saihara did as he was told, opening his eyes and allowing himself to take in their surroundings. His eyes landed on a bench in the distance, surrounded by a plethora of green grasses as well as a walking path and even a fountain.

“The park?” Saihara wondered aloud, looking towards Ouma for confirmation.

“Yep!” Ouma chirped, “There’s a walking path that’ll take us through the whole park, so we can talk while we explore!”

“That’s right… We’ve come here for training so many times but we’ve never really explored the place.” Saihara added thoughtfully.

“Exactly! Now come on, let’s get going!” Ouma led Saihara towards the direction of the walking path, bouncing up and down eagerly.

Their hands still entwined with one another, they set about walking along the path. Every now and then they would pass some other couples or individuals walking down the path, who fortunately paid no attention to the two boys. The scenery of the park wasn’t anything particularly noteworthy, but it was a nice change of pace from being inside the apartment all of the time. There were bushes, trees, and various structures such as benches and small statues, the sun shining brightly and the breeze blowing ever so lightly.

As expected, Ouma carried most of the conversation, ranting to Saihara about anything and everything that came to mind, the other boy enjoying his company greatly. While the thought of being seen holding hands with someone in public made him quite nervous, the sight of Ouma’s brightly smiling face was more than enough to put his nerves at ease.

Being seen holding hands with Ouma wasn’t his only worry, however. Saihara couldn’t tell if it was due to his habit of overthinking or if it was due to his exceptional skills of observation, but he couldn’t help but worry about the other boy. Just yesterday he was avoiding Saihara at all costs, bottling up his feelings and avoiding confrontation. Although he definitely seemed to be enjoying himself right now, Saihara wondered if he was still holding back some of his true emotions. But now wasn’t the time to bring that, he supposed. They were having a great time together and Saihara didn’t intend on ruining the mood.

Eventually, the path they were walking on looped around and brought them back to their destination. The sun was just about to set, the breeze picking up as clouds gathered together in the sky. A few droplets of rain fell from the sky, interrupting Saihara and Ouma’s conversation.

Ouma stopped walking and stuck his hands out experimentally, not being surprised when more droplets of water landed on him. Meanwhile, Saihara gazed up at the clouds, taking note of how the sky darkened.

“We should hurry back… It looks like a storm is heading in.” Saihara observed.

Ouma nodded, quickening his pace as he and Saihara headed back to the apartment complex.

They had only been walking for a few moments when it started to downright pour, effectively soaking the both of them. Freezing in place due to sheer shock at the suddenness of it all, the two boys simply looked at each other, resigning themselves to their fate.

Then Ouma giggled.

“Are you…” Saihara blinked, trying to get water droplets out of his eyes so he could see clearly. “Are you laughing?”

“Nishishi, maybe I am!” Ouma stole Saihara’s jacket from him, running off with it. “But I think you have bigger problems right now!”

“Ugh, Ouma-kun, seriously?” Saihara gave chase, carefully avoiding the puddles that Ouma haphazardly stepped in. “Give that back! We need to get back to the apartment, now!”

Thankfully for Saihara, Ouma stopped running and held his jacket in front of him. Just as Saihara caught up to him he realized that he was holding it over a giant puddle that had formed, snickering deviously.

“Is something wrong, Saihara-chan?” he taunted, fully aware of what he was doing.

“Ouma-kun…” Saihara’s expression darkened.

“Yes?”

“Give it back.”

“Make me!”

Saihara lunged for his jacket, but he was too slow. His jacket fell into the puddle, and Saihara felt at least lucky that he had nothing in his pockets.

Rather than scolding Ouma for his childish behavior, Saihara smirked, feeling more playful now than ever. Ouma noticed this, feeling taken aback for a short moment before composing himself.

“You’re so gonna get it now.” Saihara pulled his jacket out of the puddle, slowly and ominously walking up to Ouma.

“Oh? What’re you gonna do, huh?” Ouma asked cockily.

His question was answered when Saihara quickly and swiftly wrapped the wet jacket around Ouma’s head, the jacket falling onto his shoulders and swallowing his small figure. Saihara laughed as Ouma peeled the jacket off of his head, tossing it back towards Saihara.

“Blegh! What was that for?!” Ouma complained, rubbing at his wet face.

“You wanted my jacket so badly I decided to give it to you.” Saihara commented slyly, causing Ouma to stick out his tongue at him.

“Fine, fine… You win!” Ouma pouted, “Just take me back to the apartment already, I’m starting to get cold!” He accentuated his words with a shiver, making Saihara feel a twinge of guilt for what he did.

“Sure… And I’m sorry for wrapping your head with my soaking wet jacket.” Despite his words, Saihara couldn’t help but smile at the absurdity of it all. Only someone like Ouma could bring out this side of him.

“You better be! Now let’s go!” Ouma took Saihara’s hand once more, the two of them making their way back to the apartment complex.

It may have been cold, rainy and dark out, but neither of them regretted coming to the park that day.

#postmortem #my writing #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #kokichi ouma #kokichi oma #shuichi saihara #oumasai #saiouma #ousai #saiou

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doux-amer · 3 years

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The reason Wandavision ultimately was a big disappointment was that it didn’t say anything new or add any depth to Wanda. Some people have argued that we shouldn’t have expected much because this is the MCU we’re talking about, but I hate that logic for two reasons:

Marvel is using the Disney+ series to expand upon characters and plots that they couldn’t/didn’t get to explore in the films

This dismisses the existence of MCU works that have, while dealing with the trappings of being a blockbuster/studio film or “just” a superhero film or show, tried to go beyond that with their stories and characters

You can’t ignore Marvel’s goal with D+ nor can you paint all the works with the same brush.

This was Marvel’s opportunity to give a side character who has been given such shoddy writing the growth she sorely needed. We didn’t get that. Wanda is very much the same person she was in Age of Ultron; we still barely know anything about her besides the fact that she’s powerful and traumatized. She is very much defined by that. Who is she outside of that? Who is she outside her grief? Why, for instance, does Vision love her so much? We know why she loves Vision. In fact, I’d argue that the star or at least the heart of Wandavision was Vision because we learn more about him and see him grow.

There’s no movement, either positive or negative, here. Wanda continues to behave the same way, never learning or truly being shaped by her actions for good or bad in any significant way, and the MCU refuses to commit to making her anything. She isn’t a good hero. She isn’t a good antihero. She isn’t a good villain. They want to make her someone complex, but we’re left not understanding if we’re supposed to root for her despite her troubles or see that this is a troubling evolution towards emotional and moral corruption. Is she a messy hero? Or is she a sympathetic villain?

As a recap, here’s what we’ve seen of Wanda and why I’m saying she hasn’t had any meaningful growth:

Wanda volunteers for Hydra. You know, Nazis? If you want to quibble about whether they’re “technically” Nazis, whatever; they’re still a terrorist organization, and Wandavision explicitly states it as such. Here was a chance to address the awful decision Whedon made, but we get a white woman nonchalantly excusing her voluntary involvement with the world’s most famous terrorist group with a blasé “We wanted to change the world.” This is the most we get from her about this.

Wanda mentally violates and assaults the Avengers. She forcibly traps them in their worst nightmares. She coerces Bruce into transforming into the Hulk against his will, ripping him of his agency and sanity. When Bruce confronts her about this later in AoU, she straight up refuses to apologize. Wanda has yet to apologize to any of the Avengers.

In her thirst for vengeance, she decides to use the Hulk to hurt innocent people, most of whom are black, in Johannesburg. The only reason people aren't killed is that Tony tries to get people out of harm's way, get Bruce away from civilians, and help Bruce regain control before subduing him when he fails. We never see Wanda thinking about what she did in Johannesburg.

Wanda knows Ultron is evil and follows him, standing by as he hurts Helen Cho, yet another innocent civilian POC. She only cares about Ultron’s destructive nature when she reads his mind and realizes he wants to commit global genocide. Wanda is also arguably one of the Avengers most responsible for creating Ultron. Without her, there is no Ultron. Without her interference, we get Vision. We don’t ever see her grappling with her culpability. This is not the case with the others who made Ultron.

Wanda therefore plays a huge role in the destruction of her home country of Sokovia and the countless resulting deaths including Pietro’s. We see her sad, but we don’t see any guilt. We don’t even see survivor’s guilt.

Because she can’t control her power, Wanda commits manslaughter, killing innocent black people in a Lagos hospital. Other than seeing her react in horror at the scene and turn away from the video that Ross shows later, we don’t see how this impacts her or the way people treat her as an individual. She’s briefly detained under house arrest, essentially grounded, a logical response to what happened.

Despite the damage she caused, she flees the compound with Clint to the airport even if Clint doesn’t give her a valid reason for doing so, not before slamming the person she cares about the most, Vision, through dozens of feet of concrete and earth.

Rather than seeing Wanda be reluctant to use her powers after learning she doesn’t know how to control herself, we see her chiding Clint for being soft and taking it easy on the other side. The Avengers are doing that because they’re fighting against their own teammates and friends; they’re acting to escape or subdue. She doesn’t care if she gets people hurt while trying to stop them as evidenced by what she says to Clint and her actions thereafter.

Wanda takes a whole town hostage and mind controls them. All of the people whose identities she wipes and whom she turns into her puppets are in extreme pain. While what occurred happened instinctually rather than as a deliberate, conscious choice, she becomes aware of what she’s done at some point (Dottie’s cry for help, Wanda’s refusal to listen to Jimmy’s message, Monica breaking free of her conditioning, Vision bringing it up, etc.). She doesn’t let them go. She refuses to believe that they’re in pain even when she’s told that. Only when she’s backed into a corner does she let them go. She then never apologizes or even speaks a word to them. (It doesn’t matter whether or not she thinks they’d accept her apology; you don’t apologize on the condition that you’re heard and forgiven. You do it because you should, even if it doesn’t change anything for the people you hurt. She only apologizes to the one person whom she knows will accept her apology/be lenient on her.)

When Monica starts to remember the real world, Wanda gets hostile and slams her through multiple houses, past the ends of town, and through the reality boundary.

When Vision becomes aware of the problem at hand, she repeatedly gaslights him and tries to control what he can/should and can’t/shouldn’t do. She gets upset when he doesn’t act the way she wants him to. She doesn’t apologize to him beyond saying she should have told him earlier which is only part of the problem.

Wanda tells Agatha the difference between them is that while Agatha did what she did intentionally, she didn’t. This isn’t true.

What Agatha says about Wanda is true; she’s cruel. For the third time in a row, Wanda decides to violate someone’s mind and control them. She essentially murders Agatha, even if it’s bloodless and reversible (and she only says she’ll reverse it if she wants to use Agatha).

After the fight is over, she decides to leave Westview rather than face any consequences or help clean up. She leaves the Westview residents with all their trauma and the destruction of their town without a word to them.

In the post-credits scene, she has fled the country and is isolated in a remote cabin, reading a book she doesn’t understand about concepts she doesn’t understand instead of seeking help when she has a terrible track record of self-teaching or understanding her powers.

When you put all of this together, everything screams “villain,” but as I said, the writers refuse to come out and say that she’s that. They refuse to say anything, and maybe you can argue that they don’t have to make it clear right this moment. You can argue that Wanda should be allowed to be messy, just like many other characters in the MCU are.

The thing about that line of reasoning, though, is that those other characters who are messy? The writing acknowledges that, and we see them deal with the ramifications of their actions and they’re held accountable to them. We see them apologize. We see them try to be better people. We see them work to make up for their mistakes or sins. We need to see Wanda do that if we’re supposed to see her as a hero. Or if she isn’t (and there’s nothing wrong with that! Wanda doesn’t have to be a hero, and in fact, she could be a compelling antagonist or villain which can be exciting), well, she still needs to face consequences.

She doesn’t. She is, by far, the uncontested champion in getting away with what she does; yes, we get some handwaving for certain things other characters do, but no other character has nearly all of their deeds and behavior ignored to the extent Wanda does. It’s extremely frustrating to see. We keep seeing a cycle:

Wanda is full of anger/vengeance and/or grief.

She acts from a place of trauma and prioritizes her desires.

Something bad happens.

Often, it’s something she didn’t mean to happen or she didn’t mean to go that far.

She’s horrified or sad.

Very occasionally, she gets a slap on the wrist, but it’s so brief and doesn’t actually change anything that it might as well not have happened. Most times, it’s as if she never did anything and the story never brings up what she did again (unless it’s to show how she’s sad or powerful).

She doesn’t do anything. She does the same mistakes/crimes again. Wash and repeat.

It’s so unbelievably vexing and tiresome. Despite all my issues with Wanda up until Wandavision and, most importantly her casting, I wanted to like Wanda, whether it was as a hero or villain or someone in between. BUT WE GOT NOTHING NEW. I don’t know anything about Wanda even now beyond “vengeful, sad, powerful white woman who is traumatized and clings to family because of that”! This is the SAME EXACT THING we’ve been dealing with since the beginning, and it’s so frustrating. Wanda deserved better.

#wandavision spoilers

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years

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February 13: Star Trek Beyond

Some attempted thoughts on Star Trek Beyond.

So first it was bad lol. It is the worst. I thought maybe it would be less the worst than I had previously thought but it really, really is just irredeemably bad.

Trying to keep up with what was actually happening and talk in the group chat was too difficult and I now feel very exhausted lol. And I’m not even sure what I watched.

I liked Jaylah a lot, including her back story, characterization, “house,” traps, and cool mirror tricks.

I also like Kirk in that emergency uniform with the jacket unzipped.

That’s it! That’s all I liked.

In the past I’ve also said I liked the Spock and Bones parts but I honestly wasn’t a fan of them either this time around!

None of the characters felt IC and none of the relationships felt true or were compelling. Which is particularly egregious given that the alleged theme was strength in unity.

The movie was especially lacking in K/S content or even K & S interaction, which obviously didn’t please me. And it’s definitely the worst Kirk characterization I’ve ever seen. There’s no excuse for that either because it’s halfway through the 5YM, which means he should be pretty close to TOS Kirk--yes, he has a different set of experiences, so there’s going to be some variation, but there’s comparatively less excuse for a radically different characterization than in STXI and STID. They should have had Shatner read the script and make notes lol because whatever else you might say about him he KNOWS Captain Kirk.

Like, he (Kirk) lacked humor and charm and, often, confidence. He had moments when he was very smart and moments when he had a commanding presence. But he had just as many moments when he was whiny or bored and his Captain’s log??? I deserve financial compensation for every time I’ve listened to that. Bored of space?? No, this man is bored when he’s stuck on Earth. He stagnates in desk jobs. He is an adventurer and explorer before he’s ANYTHING else; if you don’t get that, you don’t need to be writing Star Trek.

Also, as I have frequently complained, I’m tired of him having no internal conflict or emotional complexity past his father issues. First reboot movie: dealing with his dead father’s memory and his step-father’s abuse. Fine, that makes sense for how they set up the AU. Second reboot movie: entirely motivated by the need for Manly Vengeance upon the person who killed his father figure. And for this redundant story line (in many sense) we had to lose Pike? Third reboot movie: you’d think he’d finally be ready to move on to other conflicts but actually no this time he’s sad about his birthday and having a longer life span than his...you guessed it!! father!! Yet again.

What else has ever motivated him? Legitimate question.

The destruction of the Enterprise was truly horrific. Long, boring, unwarranted, and without any emotional punch. As if it were just any ship! No, she’s a character in her own right and she’s not to be sacrificed like that but please tell me again how Simon Pegg is a true fan who brought the franchise back to its roots?

B said he did like that they split up the crew into unusual units but I have mixed feelings about it. I don’t entirely disagree, but I don’t think they did a lot that was interesting with any of those separated units. Uhura and Sulu are a cool pair (but this would have been a good opportunity to include Sulu’s semi-canonical crush on Uhura but whatever... a different rant) and they almost did some interesting stuff with them. There were glimmers of a caper in that story line and times when I could tell they were straining especially hard to make Uhura, their Sole Female Main--now that they cut out Rand, Chapel, and even Carol Marcus--into something Feminist and Interesting. But it didn’t quite gel for me. Like, Uhura would be having almost interesting dialogue with the villain and holding her own...and then she loses track of her colleague and has to watch that person die, thus undercutting everything she just said about unity and seeming to prove the villain’s point. Is she competent or not?

Bones and Spock are a pair I care about and like but again I think their canonical relationship in TOS is more interesting than STB showed. I personally read them as like...reluctant best friends who originally just had one person in common, and then realized they also like each other too, but they’ll never really say it. They understand each other but pretend not to. They have fun with the barbs they throw at each other. They both deeply love Jim but in different ways. They enjoy their intellectual debates. (That’s one thing that was definitely missing from them here! The intellectual debates!) So again, there was something there but not enough.

And Kirk and Chekov just happened to land near each other; nothing was done with that relationship per se. They really aren’t people who have much of a relationship in TOS so there’s not a lot to work off of but then on the other hand there IS an opportunity to create something new. Maybe I’m being too harsh and too vague but it just didn’t gel for me. The only specific K and C moment I remember was that supremely un-funny joke about Kirk’s aim as he sets off the “wery large bomb.”

But like there are possibilities.. they’re both pretty horny and Chekov is a whiz kid and Kirk is also very smart and has always been smart... Like in other words people Chekov’s age don’t end up on the bridge crew, in either ‘verse, without the Captain’s say, so even though he’s TOS!Spock’s and AOS!Scotty’s protege, Kirk is important to his life. Something with that maybe??

I’m upset that Spock’s individual story line was about whether or not he should go off and make baby Vulcans because, again as I have complained many times before, that was a conflict he faced and resolved in ten minutes two movies ago, and it doesn’t make sense to me for him to bring it up again now just because the Ambassador is dead. Like... the Ambassador told him to stay in Starfleet!! “Ah, yes, I will honor him by doing precisely the opposite of what he wanted me to do.”

Also--if they had made his motivation different or gone into it more, I would have been more into it. Make it about New Vulcan! Say there’s news from New Vulcan that it’s not doing well. Or what if T’Pring got in contact with him? Or what if we used this as an excuse to bring in Sarek?

This is part of a larger point for me which is that STXI set up a really cool AU and STID tried to do something with it--a little hit or miss, but it tried--and instead of pushing even more at the AU and developing it more and doing more with it... STB just ignored it! Was that part of what Paramount was warning about with making it “not too Star Trek-y?” Was it SUPPOSED to be a movie you could watch without having seen the last two? If so they did succeed but like.. .why? They made the supremely ballsy move of blowing up a founding Federation planet two movies ago and now they’ve just forgotten about that and all the reverberations that would necessarily have?

But of course we got a call back to Kirk being a Beastie Boys fan so.... Guess it was Deep all along.

We all three agreed that the core story of this film was potentially interesting but could have been done as a 50-some minute episode of a TV series rather than a whole-ass 2 hour movie. First off, cutting or cutting down the action sequences would have shaved off half an hour easily.

I’m frustrated in large part because there are certain things that are interesting here. I do like the concept of the crew being pulled on to an alien planet by a ship of former Federation crew, from the early days of the Federation/deep space flight, who were presumed missing but are somehow still alive because they have turned into aliens/used alien tech to prolong life, and who have also captured other aliens, like Jaylah, for the main crew to interact with. All of that was cool.

I would even be okay with these old Federation crew being villains but I don’t think that’s necessary or even the most interesting take.

But...first of all, as my mom pointed out, Krall was basically Nero in his illogical motivations: feeling aggrieved because someone who couldn’t help him didn’t help him and then just maniacally wanting revenge. It made more sense to me with Nero in a way. Maybe that was because he was better characterized, maybe it was because his anger was more personal (the loss of his wife), maybe--probably--it was because he was angry at Spock and Spock had actually promised to help, so there was some kernel of logic in his sense of betrayal, even if it was out of proportion etc. Also, Nero’s mania was portrayed as mania--we were all supposed to recognize that the strength of his emotion was warranted but his logic was deeply flawed. I think we were supposed to think Krall had some kinda... real criticism of the Federation, but in fact he doesn’t! He’s wrong! So like if he’d been angry with the Federation for abandoning him but the narrative and the other characters explicitly recognize that he’s wrong--the Federation tried but he was just doing something very dangerous and he recognized that danger on signing on--that might have been more palatable to me.

I’m not sure I’m making sense here entirely or explaining myself as well as I could.

I just don’t entirely get Krall’s beef with the Federation. I don’t get that whole “being a soldier and having conflict makes you strong and having people you can rely on and connections and community makes you weak.” That seems pretty obviously false. It also doesn’t really seem, not that I’m an expert, but particularly in line with military ethos either.

BUT the idea that he had a life that was comfortable to him as a soldier and then the Federation comes in and forms Starfleet and says, actually, we’re going to pull back on the soldiering and up the diplomacy and the exploration and the science--yeah, I could see that. I DO think Starfleet is military but even if you must insist it’s not, it’s clearly based on and formed from the military, and it has certain military functions. So obviously the first people to join or be folded into Starfleet probably were more explicitly military.

So he’s one of those people. Now he’s supposed to be a scientist and a diplomat and an explorer and he doesn’t like that. He’s given this very prestigious and interesting mission and jumps at it. Starfleet warns him, you might go beyond where we can reach, we might not be able to help you. That’s fine. But then when his ship is stranded and he is lost, he gets angry--maybe somewhat irrationally, but understandably--why?? Why did the Federation do this to him? What was even the point? When he put himself in danger before, at least he knew why. But just flying around space for the hell of it, and this is the cost? So that’s what creates his anger.

I thin this could be tied into Kirk’s diplomacy at the beginning--if the scene were written to not be a comedy bit where Kirk looks like an incompetent buffoon and is completely disrespectful the whole time. He’s good at this job and we should say it. But we could emphasize that this IS a diplomatic mission often, just as often as it’s a military or scientific mission. Maybe we could include other bits of their missions, too, to play up the variety of things they do and roles they play.

Another thing I think could be interesting, going back to my point about Spock, Vulcan, and using the first two movies and expanding on the world building... what if Spock wanted to leave Starfleet for better, more well-defined reasons, and we used that? Paralleled the two? Connected the two?

Because I think Vulcan in the AOS verse is very interesting and the movies didn’t do nearly enough with it. First, we have the Romulans showing up way earlier, at least visibly: in TOS, no one knew what they looked like or their connection to Vulcans until Spock is in his late 30s. In AOS, it happens not long after he’s born. So he’s growing up probably with more anti-Vulcan racism floating around the Federation. THEN Vulcan is destroyed. Now it has nothing and it needs to rely on the rest of the Federation, which must be both humbling and frustrating to many Vulcans, on top of the extreme tragedy of losing everything. Most of their population, a lot of their history, their manufacturing, their scientific facilities, their resources, their animals, literally whatever else you can think of that a planet has--all gone. Now all of the survivors have lived some period on an alien planet, by definition, and they’re probably very dependent on the Federation not just to set up the new colony, but to replace all of the resources--natural and Vulcan-made--that they lost. And they’re a founding Federation member, Earth’s first contact. They’re especially important. And now they’re weak, and reliant on others.

So maybe Spock, early on, hears from New Vulcan and they’re not doing well. Maybe we hear from Sarek or T’Pring (...I’d just like to see reboot T’Pring). Maybe it’s not about, or just about, having children, but about being from an important and ancient family, and being seen as a hero for his part in the Narada mission, that makes him want to go and help rebuild their government (taking his mother’s place perhaps? she was on the High Council) or their scientific facilities, or the VSA, or their space travel capabilities--you know Vulcan had space ships of their own, outside of Federation ships. This would be the perfect place to showcase that tension between wanting to be independent--out of pride, out of fear, even--and needing help, because Vulcan could not survive without the Federation, probably less than 10 years out from the original planet’s destruction.

And then you feed it back into Krall.

So I could see like... well the tension, and then Krall comes in, and he's angry that the Federation "abandoned" him, but we actually explicitly address this. Maybe Spock gets to interact with him and say "I get it. You had a life and a mission and a purpose that was comfortable for you. Then the Federation came in and changed everything. A lot of my people are also feeling upset for similar reasons. But here's why actually you're wrong."

So anyway as you can see I’m smarter and more interesting than Simon Pegg.

I also hated, speaking of writers of this movie, the gay Sulu thing and HEAR ME OUT on this. It’s homophobic. His husband doesn’t have a name? Might not be his husband at all? Looks like he could be his nanny or his brother? As B said “at least grab his butt or something.” That was the most sanitized, no-homo depiction of a gay person I’ve ever seen. He’s gay (see, progressives and queers! gay! you like that right!) but DON’T WORRY STRAIGHTS--he’s in a monogamous relationship and has a child, he’ll show nothing but the most platonic physical affection with his male significant other, and the plot point will be so minuscule you’ll need a microscope to detect it. Also, we’ll throw in a no homo joke about two male characters not wanting to hug and we’ll make sure Kirk and Spock interact as little as possible, because we know they give off Big Queer Vibes every time they’re together.

Yes the last point is a little unfair but can you blame me for being angry about all the “look how hip to the times we are” back-patting that went on in 2016 when canonical bisexual Kirk is RIGHT THERE and we could have had ex-boyfriend Gary Mitchell instead of Unnamed Nanny??

Also Sulu is a hella random choice because again, like... he may not have had an s.o. in TOS but nor was there any indication he was gay. So it seems a LITTLE like they picked him because (1) his original actor is gay and gay people can’t play straight people duh so probably Sulu was Gay All Along I mean did you not get vibes???; and/or (2) asexual Asian stereotypes preclude giving Sulu any kind of love interest, male or female, that is actually... sexual, outright romantic, anything.

Anyway I can’t remember if I had any other thoughts, but I’ve said quite enough I think.

I miss Kirk so much... real Kirk... even my version of AOS Kirk who is probably not even characterized that well but at least I worked with love!!!

#the year 2021 #2021: star trek #2021: fandom thoughts #star trek aos #anti-beyond

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bellamygateoldblog · 5 years

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Raven in S1 and now

Anon asked: Character game = Raven Reyes

This is longer than I pictured, sticking it under a ReadMore!

How I feel about this character:

I adore Raven, especially in season 1. SEASON ONE - I love her softness and her toughness and the way she feels natural. She has really admirable qualities and also flaws. In season one I enjoyed her journey, we got to see her form relationships, we got to see the way her personality clashed with others, we got to see her struggle and get insecure and find things hard. She’s such a compelling character.

This is carried into season 2, but in come ALIE mind wipe and consequent “upgrade” and a lot of her allure and complexity was dimmed for me. Her brain is brilliant, but she sorta went deus ex machina somewhere along the way, it felt like she was turned a plot convinience and tool to drive it forwards or get them out of writing corners more than she was a character. Suddenly she was unnaturally smart and the way she would come through and solve everything with her “awesome” brain fell flat to me, it wasn’t as amazing watching her accomplish these tasks in season four as it was in season one. In season one she felt so special. Maybe because season one was more localised, because it felt more intimate, immediate, drastic? Not sure. She built a pod from scrap metal and travelled through space by herself and survived. She’s remarkable, but she’s not superhuman. She’s had no storyline of her own since early days, and she should’ve because she’s full of so much potential and interest and I think it was a real waste reducing her story to torture and big brain time. She feels pain, then she saves the day. Over and over again. Worse: she’s rarely actually credited for these feats in the show, attention isn’t put on just how incredible it is that she is able to do these things! It’s just another Raven thing. Flat, empty. She feels her most human in seasons one and two. So i enjoy her lots.

SEASON SIX - I mean…huh. She had another love interest ripped from her, she said some science-y words, got mad, reacted to another death, and saved the day…again. It took me such a long time to even remember that, that’s how bad six was. They don’t know what to do with her. They pushed her aside. I don’t feel anything for her character anymore because she isn’t a character anymore. There’s nothing there. She’s empty, like most other characters at this point in time, and I feel no more attachment to her.

Who do I ship romantically with this character:

…Nobody. I mean, I usually don’t do shipping unless it’s central especially for a show with constantly rising stakes like this one. SEASON SIX - Echo. Yea. Give me Spy mechanic. Give my two ladies a happy ending with someone who actually deserves them (hint: each other).

Non-romantic OTP for this character:

Oh yea baby here‘s where it’s at. Finn & Raven. I adore them still. Love love love. Wish i got more of it, but will cherish what I did get forever and ever. And also the bits I added because canon can’t stop me. Couldn’t even rip them from my cold dead hands. Found family is my weakness. Which brings me next to Spacekru & Raven. Unlikely set of personalities, bring out the best in each other, protective, my babies. Her dynamic with each spacekru member is so unique and fun— SOS take me back to season five.

Unpopular opinion:

I think some parts of fandom are particularly defensive over her, it always feels like someone’s gonna jump down my throat the moment I say anything remotely critical of her character. I think she can be selfish, and sometimes she acts without thinking from a place of love, pain or desperation. I think she’s more ruthless than she’s given credit for. She recognises the reality of what’s happening around her, she doesn’t like it, but she doesn’t stop it. She’s accepted that her station is to do the work she’s told to do, she knows she’s the only one who can and she’s prepared to do whatever it takes for herself, her loved ones, and her people. I think she’s absolutely capable of making hard decisions, and of doing what she thinks necessary. She doesn’t view anything she’s done as mistakes, because they weren’t. She has the balls to stand by her choices without throwing herself pity parties. She knows the weight of loss and I think she understands better than anyone what it feels like to have everyone and everything depend on her, on her brain, on her intuition and her ability to carry on no matter what. Yes she was barely a character in season six, but her stance on morality and leadership was in-character. It’s also understandable for a woman who’s:

• been tortured multiple times, sometimes being done by or because of people she thought valued and cared for her.

• seen her family tortured

• been threatened, seen her lover almost lose his leg, something extremely personal and traumatic to her

• almost lost her family in more than one situation

• was heavily burdened with blasting off a burning planet and consequently saving the entire human race

• lost two members of her family

• lost her lover

• seen her family die and be resurrected

• probably some other events I’m forgetting

• watched Abby die, someone she has a long and important history with

— just within the past fortnight. I think it’s ridiculous the fandom collectively demonised her for being the slightest bit upset. How dare she. It wasn’t the first time she’s confronted Clarke, and it was absolutely warrented.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened to them in canon:

Hmm…i wish she’d never been dragged into a love triangle. Never in my life have I actually liked a love triangle. I wish the Finn/Clarke relationship hadn’t continued after Raven got to Earth. It always felt unnecessary to me. Eventually, after much thinking, I got the whole Finn/Clarke situation to make sense, but i wish it’d never happened. It hurt Raven’s dynamic with her only family, someone who should’ve been hers, belonged to her story as well as his own.

She isn’t the protagonist, but I guess I wish she was. I find she has so much story potential, her dynamics are sweet as hell, her backstory could’ve been fully fleshed out, the true extent of her hardships could’ve been explored including her struggle with her disability, her relationship with Finn, Sinclair, her strained and neglectful relationship with her mother and how important being important is to her because of that, the back-breaking burden of being gifted in a world of survival. I love her. I love her. I love her. SEASON SIX - not entirely specific to season six, but I just wish she was treated well.

#the 100 #raven reyes #ro.answers

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goblins-riddles-or-frocks · 5 years

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Schumacher Phantom, Coppola Dracula, Black Swan, Labyrinth, Crimson Peak, IT 2017, Brides of Dracula, Moulin Rouge, Sommers Mummy, Sommers Van Helsing

Schumacher Phantom

A flawed adaptation of an already flawed musical. I’ll never not find it amusing that the self proclaimed Angel of Music can’t carry a tune in a bucket.

The movie’s gorgeous and I’ve watched it... an embarrassing number of times at this point. I first saw it when I was much younger and the issues I had with it then are pretty different from the issues I have with it now.

As an adult, I have a lot of trouble not focusing on Christine’s age and how much older her love interests are, but in an odd way that almost explains her glaring lack of agency (a carryover from the stage musical’s faults). If she’s so unassuming, so reactionary, it’s because of youth, etc. It makes for a fundamentally creepier and unsettling scenario, and actually, I would’ve been fine with the story exploring those themes... if they’d actually ever explored it. Or even deliberately invoked it in the first place.

Still, it’s beautiful to watch, and I definitely love to hate it.

Coppola Dracula

This is my favorite kind of awful film. Amazing cast and designers, grade A director, fantastic effects team... all working on absolute garbage. And hilariously (depressingly) enough, it’s just about the closest to canon adaptation we’ve gotten so far.

Of course the romance was predatory and awful, though as you mentioned before the first half is in some ways an excellent portrayal of an abusive relationship (even though that’s likely not the intended read of it)

I love how crass and awful Van Helsing is in this, even though it’s not really in character for his novel counterpart. He’s the best part of the movie for me. So delightfully awful.

Mina is unfortunately nothing more than a plot device. Her emotions and thoughts are entirely dependent on what’s convenient for the story. Though I unironically like the fraughtness of that one line in the blood sharing scene that goes something like “You killed Lucy; I love you.” It... doesn’t make sense in context but idk the concept of that kind of twisted, toxic feeling is intriguing to me.

Black Swan

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen it but I felt like my takeaway was far different from what the film makers intended. Regadless, Nina’s slow spiraling is difficult to watch and very well portrayed. Though given her work and home situation it’s not at all surprising, and just that much more upsetting to watch.

It seemed especially tragic that (iirc, again it’s been awhile) before the last show Lily reaches out to her and seems genuinely happy for her. All in all I wanted more from the movie, but what I did see was pretty thought provoking.

Labyrinth

It was definitely a favorite as a kid but I’ve grown out of it. The quote, “Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave,” has definitely stuck with me as the quintessential example of a conditional, impossible to satisfy relationship. I can’t say I even remember much about the larger context of the scene but I think about that one quote a lot.

Otherwise it’s a fun, over the top film. I’m still a sucker for that ball scene but the effects are kind of hard to look at now.

Crimson Peak

Yeah I have majorly mixed feelings about Crimson Peak. Killer aesthetic, most stilted script I’ve seen in a long time, appalling underlying message.

I love the concept but dislike every character in the story, except perhaps Lucille who’s pretty close to my heart. It doesn’t feel like a complete story to me, just a hastily cobbled together excuse for gothic romantic aesthetics and putting Doug Jones in more monster makeup.

It (2017)

I’ve read It before but lol I have the worst memory issues so I didn’t actually remember much of the plot going in. So I was somewhat surprised by the opening scene even though I could tell something bad was definitely about to happen. Even despite that clean slate expectation, it just felt too over the top and gory to get a real reaction out of me. I felt the same way about most scenes Pennywise was in. It was just... trying too hard.

The highlight of the film was definitely the scenes between the kids. And the more mundane peril they faced honestly felt worlds tenser than the haunting sequences. There was far more fear in that one scene with Beverly standing in front of her father in the hallway than in the entire film. Or even when the neighborhood bullies were chasing Ben.

Regardless the haunting scenes themselves imo were most effective when Pennywise was not himself visible. (The distorted children’s program, the sink scene, etc) I just... didn’t like him as a villain even though I suppose I get why, thematically, a killer clown preying on children could be compelling.

I had plenty of other issues with it but I can’t think of them off the top of my head.

Brides of Dracula

Technically I’ve seen it. But I can’t remember anything. Generally though, I love Peter Cushing, and even moreso him as Van Helsing. And I’m almost always a fan of Hanmer horror’s specific brand of cheesy.

Moulin Rouge

It’s very silly up until it gets sad. Definitely has a ton of issues and hasn’t aged that well but I can overlook it for the kitsch.

And honestly nothing beats out Tango de Roxanne in terms of sheer cinematic drama.

Sommers Mummy

I just remember liking it when I was younger. Don’t recall many details. Rachel Weiss’ eyebrows deserved better though.

Sommers Van Helsing

I actually only saw this for the first time around a year ago. It’s a great deal of fun and I’ll never get over how the comical brides’ hissing scene is near identical to the Coppola’s films. A good deal of my enjoyment likely stemmed from early 2000s nostalgia, even though I do usually like silly things.

Either way, an Indiana Jones type Van Helsing is just a hilarious concept. And I love how Dracula just went ham the entire time, complete with constant dramatic hissing.

Thanks for the ask!

#sorry if this is jumbled Im exhausted #apparently the running theme is I become more emotionally invested in the things that I dont think are good #i ramble sometimes #all the bendy punctuations #long post

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hoe-imaginess · 6 years

Text

Part 3

I’ll see you tomorrow, she had said.

But she doesn’t.

In fact, she doesn’t see Madara for the rest of the week. She avoids the library. She avoids the Uchiha neighborhood. She does all of this despite the fact she wants to see him, and somehow wants to forgive him of the bold trespass and act as if it doesn’t shoot chills down her spine even now.

She doesn’t even have the sense to send him a message and forewarn her absences from their library rendezvous. She can’t put her apprehension into words, let alone lie about it on a slip of paper.

She also fears that she may have angered or insulted him. And if that’s true, she doesn’t put it past him to come looking for her. For that reason, she explores the village. Remaining indoors will only encourage the stifling concerns, or make it easier for him to confront her, and that’s the last thing she needs.

Although she knows tending to paperwork could potentially serve as another distraction, she can’t force herself to endure it today. It will mean delaying a stack of documents waiting to be read, but she’ll allow herself the sacrifice just this once. As long as she can prolong a confrontation with Madara, just until she gathers her wits, she can face the consequences later.

She’s admiring a flower stall when a little voice catches her attention.

“Excuse me.”

She peers down to the girl poking her arm. Her full, bright eyes seem familiar.

“Hi,” the girl says, almost confidently, with an enthusiastic smile on her face.

She tries not to act as surprised as she feels. “Hello.”

“Do you know who I am?”

The naivety of the voice is amusing. She gives the girl a curious, long look. “You’re one of Tobirama’s disciples, I believe,” she recalls with a soft smile.

The girl’s smile brightens, and she nods. “I’m Koharu. What are you doing today?”

“What am I doing today?” she repeats, diverted by her charisma. She had met the girl only once, and in the briefest of encounters, but knows better than to question the endeavors of a child. “Well, nothing really—”

“Then will you come eat dango with me?”

She almost wants to laugh. “I’m sorry?”

“Tobirama-sensei won’t let us eat dango. If another adult comes, he might.” This time, the girl tugs on her sleeve and tries to lead her in the opposite direction.

“Is that what he said?” the woman asks, genuinely curious, but hesitant to surrender to the girl’s impulse.

“No,” Koharu admits. “But I’m sure he will. You should come!”

“Koharu—” She’s surprised by how tight her grip is. “I don’t think I can—”

Tobirama rounds the corner of the flower stall, ready to scold the young girl for wandering off as soon as he spots her. “Koharu. I said—” Then he stops when he notices the woman at her side.

She’s equally anxious, and doesn’t know why a greeting is stuck in her throat, but she can’t find the will to speak. They hadn’t actually spoken since the day before the academy meeting, and presumably, with an air of civility. Yet for some reason, she questions where they stand in that moment, almost like the caution is instinctive.

“_______,” he says first.

“Tobirama.”

The Senju is trailed by the two other members of his team. The Sarutobi catches her attention first. His arms are crossed, and he’s frowning. She can’t help but wonder if he idolizes Tobirama that much.

“Stop wandering off Koharu,” the boy snaps.

“I was trying to get dango for us!” she protests, then turns to Tobirama. “Tobirama-sensei, if she comes with us, we have to go get dango.”

Tobirama perks a curious brow, wondering where the girl conjured such an ultimatum. "I told you no, Koharu.”

She pouts, but her tight grip on the woman’s sleeve is unyielding. How persistent.

“What if _______-san wants dango!?”

“Don’t argue!” Hiruzen contends. And the two are in a shouting match almost immediately. Koharu even forgets her grip on the woman’s sleeve as she storms toward the Sarutobi boy.

The woman watches them argue, both amused and perplexed by the spectacle. She didn’t imagine Tobirama’s disciples to be so rowdy. But they are kids, after all. And judging by the way Tobirama has yet to reprimand them, his leniency is more predominant than he would probably ever admit.

“It’s their day off,” he’s telling her suddenly, arms crossed, expression hard. “Which they don’t deserve.”

Koharu pouts, attention momentarily drawn away from Hiruzen. “That’s not fair, sensei. We haven’t had a break in weeks.”

"You don’t deserve one,” Hiruzen mutters, and suddenly they’re at it again, like second nature.

"They really are quite unruly.”

Tobirama looks at her as she says it, surprised to see the lightest of smiles adorning her lips.

He had seen her briefly days before, not long after their academy meeting, rushing into Hashirama’s office for something he never quite figured out. Unfortunately for her, Hashirama was absent, which only seemed to fluster her further when she came face-to-face with him instead.

Her efforts to subdue herself failed. He could see she was a mess of emotions, and it didn’t take much to sense Madara’s chakra clinging to her either. That was upsetting in itself. He had wanted to ask her about it, but the idea of badgering her while she was already distraught kept him from inquiring. And even now, he’s unsettled to see that she’s still distressed. He can read it in her expression, in the tentative glint of her eyes. But his students seem to serve as a suitable distraction for her. For once, he’s grateful.

“Sensei.” Koharu turns to him when she runs out of fuel to contend Hiruzen any longer. “Will you let us eat dango if we promise to work extra hard tomorrow?”

Tobirama frowns. “You should be working extra hard regardless.”

“Yeah!” Hiruzen exclaims, but the determination and confidence in his face falls a moment later, even before Koharu can chastise him. “But I am pretty hungry.”

Now the trio look to their sensei expectedly. Even the quiet one in the back who has yet to speak, the woman notes.

And they all adopt that persuasive softness in their eyes that Tobirama hates. They pull his heart strings in an annoying way. He hopes his contriving talents aren’t rubbing off on them. They’re becoming much too proficient in the art of swaying him.

That, and it’s no help to his conviction that she’s still right next to him. Still smiling, still looking pleased and content with the scene before her.

He doesn’t care much about how she views him as a sensei. He would deny the trio, then command that they run laps around the village the rest of the evening, and with no qualms whatsoever. Whether or not she saw him as unfair or stern for that isn’t something that he would allow to bother him. Why should he care? She probably thought as much already.

Yet again… maybe he does care. Just a little.

“Fine.”

Koharu grins and shouts in joy, and Hiruzen looks awfully triumphant. Even Homura can’t stop his smile.

“Will you eat with us sensei?” Hiruzen asks.

“I have work to do.”

He frowns, then Hiruzen tests his luck and points to the woman at his side. “Will you come?"

Tobirama feels incredibly foolish for the way he listens in for the answer.

She considers it. "Well…”

Would it be unprofessional to agree? She doesn’t have the time, which could definitely serve as an excuse to decline. Paperwork remains as an annoyingly persistent reminder at the back of her mind. However, that seems incidental, considering she’s been wandering around the village procrastinating for who knows how long… and then she remembers why she’s there in the first place.

A dango shop is likely the last place Madara would ever think to visit. Or at least, she hopes. Moreover, the presence of Tobirama and his team is somehow comforting, no matter how unconventional. In the end, she decides there’s no harm in it.

When she agrees, Tobirama wishes he had never permitted it. But it’s virtually impossible to quell the team’s enthusiasm at that point, and he’s compelled to join them after insistent pleading.

The trio take their own table in the shop, and she shares the adjacent with Tobirama. They substitute tea for dango, observing the trio’s antics to pass the time. She doesn’t realize he’s also been observing her, until she catches him staring.

He would glance away, not liking that he was caught, but something stops him. Which is surprising, since their shared, unyielding gaze denotes an awkward silence that makes him feel odd. He’s the first to look away in the end.

He wants to say something, just to mediate the tension, a sentiment he finds so unusual. When has he ever bothered with the formality of conversation just to alleviate silence?

“Can I ask you something?” She takes over the task for him.

He looks at her, curious but apprehensive. “What?”

She probably shouldn’t say it. She knows it won’t welcome anything productive or pleasant. “You and Madara.” The second she says the Uchiha’s name, Tobirama’s eyes narrow. "Besides outdated clan tension… why?”

“Why what?”

She frowns. “You know what. Why the hostility?”

She already knows the answer, at least on Madara’s behalf. Losing a sibling is gruesome. Looking your sibling’s murderer in the eye day after day is even worse. But if Tobirama’s loathing is anything like Madara’s, there must be something more that encourages the ill will.

He works his jaw in annoyance. It’s frustrating that she would even ask. Not that he ever tires of disparaging Madara, but it’s unpleasant that she would meddle. He decides to press the responsibility on her.

“Why?” he asks. “What has he told you?”

And she knows what he’s doing. She should have expected him to take the opportunity and pry into Madara’s agenda. It’s only natural that he would be so shrewd.

“He’s told me a few things,” she admits. “But your dislike for Madara is well known. You don’t bother concealing it.”

“And what things has he told you?”

“I know you killed his last brother."

She says it with no hesitation at all, and can practically feel the frustration radiating off of him. The subject was merely beating a dead horse.

"Is that it? It was war,” he argues. “Was I supposed to let him kill me first?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then why run to Madara’s defense?”

“That’s not what I’m doing, either.”

Tobirama inhales a deep breath to dismantle his anger. If he had any ambition for their conversation to find a pleasant end, it was gone. “The Uchiha killed my brothers,” he tells her. “They probably killed your family, too. Your friends. Your clansmen.”

"The Uchiha. Not Madara in particular.”

Yet as she says it, she knows there’s logically no way to know for certain. She has no immediate family left. Only an aunt and a few cousins. The sting of that acknowledgement always eats at her. The idea of Madara taking a life that meant so much to her… it’s painful to entertain.

“You can’t blame Madara for everything,” she argues to repel the troubling thoughts. “Like you said, it was war. We were all fighting to survive. It’s only natural that some of us would kill, and die.” She takes a deep breath. “Even our families.”

“Then you can understand why I’m still sore about it.”

The tone irritates her. How is it possible to live in such ignorance? “If I treated you with the same contempt that you treat Madara, simply because of what happened in the past—”

“Are you suggesting that you don’t?”

She stops her next rebuttal, because she realizes it’s true. Even if her hostility has wavered significantly as of late, Tobirama makes it difficult to fully welcome cordiality. She can’t forget how strenuous he made her time as advisor during their negotiations. She hasn’t let go of the anger.

"My reasons are different. I don’t hold on to what happened during war. And I wouldn’t call it contempt. But the transition into the village was difficult for me and my clan, and you didn’t help that. Don’t tell me my anger isn’t solicited. With the way you treated us in the beginning—”

“That’s not what we’re discussing. And if you’re so adamant about forgiving past discretions, then speak no more of the negotiations.” The authority in his tone stops her from going on. “You asked me a question, and I’m answering.”

"You’re right,” she admits, but he can clearly see the frustration twisting into her expression. “So then answer my question. And truthfully. Because you can’t refute what I’ve told you. Even I can look past what transpired in war. So, why do you hate him?”

"I don’t trust him.”

It’s simple, but familiar. She feels like Madara is sitting across from her, spewing the same words, the same enmity.

“I’m not lenient with those I don’t trust,” he continues. “For my clan, and for the village.”

She doesn’t know what compels her. Maybe it’s because the little dango shop is void of the diplomatic restraint that always hangs over her. Maybe it’s because too much has been on her mind. But she snaps at him.

“The Uchiha are part of the village. And so are we, my clan. So am I. Yet you decided to neglect my clan and—”

“That’s not what I did—”

“How can you tell me that’s not what you did, when we were the ones suffering because of it?"

Her incredulous outburst is just loud enough that Tobirama’s team falls silent. It even draws the eyes of other customers.

Tobirama notices, but doesn’t feel ashamed. He only feels the ire grasping at his chest. Yet, he’s equally annoyed that it always comes down to this. A never ending contention he can’t seem to escape.

It’s a long moment before he wipes the scowl off of his face and exhales slowly. He forces down his anger, and realizes the calm is much more forgiving on his fatigued mind, even if his pride is compromised.

"I don’t want to argue,” he says quietly.

He takes a sip of his tea and enjoys the warmth that slides down his chest, before her next words bring that warmth back to his cheeks in the threat of irritation.

"Tobirama Senju doesn’t want to argue?” Her voice is softer now, seemingly inspired by the same composure. “I don’t believe that.”

He closes his eyes and frowns, ignoring the way his own conscience mocks his vulnerability. "I don’t have the time. I shouldn’t even be here. I should be at the academy.”

The mention of it brings her disconcerting memories. Madara defending her. Madara walking her around the village. The grassy field. His intense eyes. His hands on her.

She wonders what Tobirama had thought when Madara spoke out for her at the meeting, and wonders what he would think had he known what transpired between them afterward.

She puts down the shiver that runs through her and utilizes the change of atmosphere. “Have you had any luck funding the academy?”

He’s surprised at how easily she deserts her frustration, but decides not to comment, if only to encourage their little cease fire.

“A few clans back my efforts. But it won’t be enough if we want to put the academy into effect immediately. Without the resources and support we need, that won’t be possible. Building the damn thing was easier than stocking it.” She sees the lines of distress and prolonged anxiety in his face. She suddenly feels sympathy for him. "I can’t put nothing but Senju in this academy to serve as instructors. It needs to be a village effort.”

“My clan wasn’t opposed to it,” she offers.

“They didn’t agree to it either.”

That’s true. She had considered appealing to her clan heads after their obvious reluctance at the meeting, but hadn’t found the motivation to do so. At least, not until now.

“I can change their minds,” she says confidently.

He eyes her curiously, waiting for clarification.

“I think the academy is necessary,” she goes on. “Every clan that comes to the village brings children that need to be trained, trained the right way.”

That their ethics seem to correspond is unforeseen, though oddly pleasant. “Is that so?” he says, encouraging her to continue.

“It’s a comfort knowing the village as a whole can work towards a cause. No matter the differences between clans. If there’s anything we need right now, it’s an institution within the village to bring us together.”

And that’s when she realizes she’s used ‘us’ for the first time when referring to the village. Maybe the sense of isolation that weighed her down so vigorously those last few weeks was on account of her own obtuseness. It’s satisfying to actually acknowledge herself as a member of the village.

Maybe Tobirama notices the shift in her demeanor too, because he leans in, as if interested.

“At the meeting, you seemed more devoted to defending your clan’s grievances than promoting my agenda.”

“Yes,” she admits. “Maybe I just hadn’t thoroughly considered what you were saying.”

Or maybe she was distracted by Madara. As ridiculous as that sounds, it was probably true. She could hardly focus on anything except him that entire meeting. It makes her feel guilty, having not given Tobirama’s ambitions serious thought. She sees the value in his words, and finds the idea of the academy, the idea of collaborating with Tobirama, promising. Maybe even exciting.

“Also,” he begins, uncertain whether it’s relevant anymore, or if he should address it at all, but he’s genuinely and painstakingly curious, “you let the Shimura reprove you, and didn’t counter him at all. Why?”

“Well, Madara did that for me.”

She doesn’t like how that sounds, suddenly. It suggests something along the lines of fragility and weakness. He doesn’t like it either.

The second the Shimura opened his mouth, Tobirama had half the mind to demand that he leave. He wouldn’t tolerate any nonsense. Then Madara chose to play her knight in shining armor, which now that Tobirama thinks about it, is a product of his own hesitance. That’s even more frustrating. Never before has he withheld admonishing as he saw fit, especially at the expense of someone as idiotic and unpalatable as the Shimura leader. He was more than ready to upbraid the man, so why didn’t he?

“Not that he had any right to do so,” she murmurs suddenly, and catches his attention. “Madara is... a little more familiar than he should be, at times.”

“Is that so?” He can’t help but suspect that she’s equivocating the situation. “You two seem more than familiar.”

“No,” she corrects him almost too hastily, and for some reason, she feels like she’s betraying Madara by saying it. “Not really. I just consider him… more like my first true acquaintance here.” She realizes then as she speaks it into reality, that she hasn’t even admitted that to Madara.

Tobirama is giving her full attention, even if they are discussing the man he abhors. His sharp, scarlet eyes watch her with a casual warmth, comforting her in a way she can’t describe. If she could ever tell Tobirama Senju was actually invested in anything, it would look like this.

But that’s mostly a product of his fleeting guilt. For anyone to gravitate toward Madara Uchiha, they must be desperate. Lonely, even. Which is probably a direct result of the way he treated her and her clan in the beginning. Had he really left her with no other option but to turn to the Uchiha for solace?

“And what about now?” he asks.

“What about now?” she returns, a little too defensively.

His lips tug downward in irritated doubt. He’s no fool. It’s obvious there’s tension prevalent in her relationship with the man. The way she tenses up at the mere mention of Madara’s name is more than enough proof of that. He figures he might as well inquire while he can.

“You seem uncomfortable. Does it have something to do with him?”

“No,” she answers all too fast. “What makes you say that?”

Then he decides it’s no use, not at the risk of putting her in a position she probably doesn’t want to be in. He’s finally found a median between her fierceness and calm. Triggering her temper is not something he wants to entertain at the moment.

“It’s nothing.”

Before she can open her mouth to say another word, she stops. She probably shouldn’t pry into his curiosity. It would start another argument.

Besides, thinking about Madara and their current relationship for too long only sends a prickling apprehension through her. To make matters worse, Tobirama says nothing, dubiously inviting another silence, one only interrupted by the exuberant chattering and exclamations from the trio at their side.

“I think it’s about time I leave,” she says, and stands from her seat. “I have a ridiculous amount of paperwork to read over.”

She’s about to reach into her pockets to fish out money, but he stops her.

“It’s fine, I have it.”

Her mouth opens to thank him, but she realizes how awkward and unusually congenial that would be. For them, at least. She just nods.

Yet as she walks away, leaving him with the parting gift of tense silence, she realizes it can’t keep ending like this. Like it always does.

So she turns to him. “Could I stop by the Senju office sometime soon? I know we’ve already settled negotiations and there’s truly no need to pester you further. But perhaps to discuss the academy? I have some ideas. If you would even be interested, of course.”

Is it a little audacious of her? Probably. She had no reason to seek any further collaboration with him. Not after the disarray of their past negotiations. That in itself branches suspicion through him. Yet, the idea intrigues him in a curious, but confusing way.

After carefully examining her, he nods. “That’s fine.”

And then she nods in turn, even smiles, and walks out of the shop.

He watches her until she’s out of sight. The next moment, Hiruzen and Koharu are interrogating him about the entire ordeal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She’s so caught up in the myriad of enthusiasm that she doesn’t realize she’s venturing down an alley adjacent to Hashirama’s office. Then Madara is walking out the front door and approaching her.

Her steps falter. She wonders if she should turn and hurry the other way, but he’s already spotted her. It would be foolish of her to run away from it now. It’s probably what he expects, anyways. So she walks on, and faces him.

“You must have been extremely engrossed with work this past week not to come by the library once,” he says when he stops and blocks her path, voice full of smooth, pointed condescension.

His approach is so sudden she actually backs up against the nearest wall, a mistake she only acknowledges once he looms closer and leers down at her.

“Yes, actually. I have been busy.”

Madara has never heard her voice so laced with audacity. Normally, he would like it. Now, it’s just annoying.

He examines her closely, for a long time. “Do you want me to apologize for what I did?” he asks slowly.

“Madara, that’s not… I was busy, nothing else,” she assures, ignoring the question that flusters her so much, and finding it difficult to look into his eyes as he glowers.

She feels trapped against the wall, trapped by his powerful eyes. A genjutsu with no sign of his sharingan. Her eyes move down the alley to see if they’re alone. And they are.

“Answer my question.”

Her eyes return to his. Would an apology compensate for what happened? Would it make any difference when the impression he made won’t disappear? Besides, she knows imploring for an apology would make her look weak. That’s not what she wants.

"No. I don’t need an apology.”

“Good.”

Her eyes narrow. She grasps for a quick witted reply, hopefully something insulting. She thinks it’s only fair to repay him with scorn.

Nothing comes, but he gives her no opportunity anyway. A meaningful, sharp look is all he offers as he steps away and continues down the alley in the opposite direction.

She stands still, doesn’t even look to watch him depart. She wants to be angry, wants to be disgusted. But she can’t. She just can’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Days shift into weeks, and she finds herself seeking solace in the Senju. One Senju in particular.

Collaborating with Tobirama for academy details has occupied most of her time. She often comes to speak with him and discuss lesson plans, classroom organization, and school hours, among other things. She’s half convinced he’s only allowing her input because she was one of, if not the first, to jump on board when it came to the academy’s foundation in the first place. But she finds that she’s more than happy to take up the job when they seem to function so surprisingly well together.

It’s unusual, given that weeks before, she would have found Tobirama’s presence alone troubling. She couldn’t settle in a room with him for more than minutes at a time without trying her own patience. But now she feels… welcomed by him.

Despite these occasional clemencies that for some reason got her heart pounding with excitement, she knows lingering tension is still buried within the depths of their conversations, within the very ambience around them. She would be foolish to assume it could be erased in its entirety, and in such a short amount of time. It hangs over them, a bomb waiting to be triggered. But so far, there have been no incidents, no jumping down each other’s throats. It’s a grand improvement from where they once were. Tobirama proves that one day in particular.

She comes to the office he shares with Hashirama to deliver an inventory report about weapons, rations, even the forehead protectors they had discussed—but when she walks in, she can feel the thickness of irritability around him.

He’s stressed. Very stressed. More so than usual. She figures it’s better to leave before he snaps at her and they spiral into an unnecessary argument.

She leaves the report on his desk. “Here’s the rundown of supplies we have, and what we need.”

Without waiting for a response, she turns to leave, a little disappointed that she’ll have to forfeit their daily conversation on account of his choleric nature.

Then softly, almost soft enough that she doesn’t even hear it,

"I appreciate it.”

His tone is distracted, but purposeful. She looks back as soon as he says it, because it’s obvious he doesn’t know what he’s done, not until he stops writing and glances up at her when he notices the pause.

It’s then he realizes, but attempts ignorance. “What?”

“Nothing,” she says, doing an exceptionally good job of feigning innocence as she walks away. But he can practically feel the smirk radiating off of her as she leaves.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s his anniversary, but Hashirama forces himself to spend the entire day in his office. He’s determined to clinch the pile of documents he’s amassed that week so he can head home and spend time with Mito. He feels like he hardly sees his wife at all as of late.

She had swatted his shoulder playfully that morning and told him to finish work first before he tried to pull the anniversary card. Tobirama or Madara would undoubtedly upbraid him for even attempting it anyway, so he’ll keep his mouth shut. But certainly, there’s nothing wrong with a little incentive? Besides, he needs a break, even if no one but him thinks so.

Madara comes into the office a few minutes later, effectively distracting him from his work.

“Good afternoon,” Hashirama gushes, much too cheery for someone who looks like he’s drowning in scrolls.

Madara takes one look at the clutter on his desk and sighs. “What have you been doing all day, Hashirama?”

He pouts. “Don’t jump to conclusions! I finished all I needed to, and more. I’m trying to get ahead today.”

Madara is genuinely surprised, but also knows Hashirama doesn’t neglect village prosperity when it comes down to it, so it seems solicited.

He takes a seat next to the Senju, and aside from the normal brooding, Hashirama notes a gloomy air clinging to his friend.

“Is something wrong?” he asks.

“No. I’m only considering this academy business that Tobirama is promoting.”

Hashirama frowns. “What specifically?”

"Asking these other clans to contribute and compromise, when they had enough of that moving into the village. It feels rushed.”

"Well, maybe.” Hashirama has considered that, but he’s too hesitant to imply to Tobirama that something seems amiss in his agenda. That’s not an argument he wants to risk. “But it’s something the village needs. We want the future generations to be unified.”

Madara makes a strained huff of agreement, but his concerns aren’t gone. “Everyone is running around in circles trying to acclimate and supply for their own, Hashirama. Expanding and settling. How can they be expected to make significant promises to the academy?”

“It’s going to be slow at first,” Hashirama admits, flipping through a stack of unsigned papers. His stomach twists in impatience already. "And the clans who don’t contribute the required amount will unfortunately be held responsible until they can supply their part. At least, that’s what Tobirama says. It will all fall into place with time.”

Madara looks at him. “What do you mean?”

Realizing his mistake a moment too late, Hashirama flushes, and can only stare at his Uchiha comrade. “Well…”

He knows he shouldn’t have mentioned it at all, but it was inevitable. He can’t keep anything from Madara. That, and Tobirama’s harsh diplomacy has been pestering his peace of mind. It’s no longer possible to keep the waves of uncertainty under wraps. He needed to share it with somebody.

“Tobirama is convinced we should limit the amount of students from each clan that we allow to join the academy. The number will be proportionate to the amount of teachers and supplies that certain clan can offer. A give and take policy, Tobirama said…”

Hashirama is immediately disheartened, because he can practically feel Madara’s disgust with his brother growing.

He can’t decide if what happens next proves to be a reprieve from the burgeoning tension, or an incentive. But it does hinder whatever argument was meant to entail.

Madara hears her before he sees her. Outside the office resonates her sweet, familiar laugh, and by the time his eyes wander to the door, she’s already walking in behind Tobirama.

Strange enough, even he’s smiling about whatever had her so amused. It’s a genuine smile, too. One Madara doesn’t think he’s ever seen on the younger Senju before.

They quickly stifle their diversion after realizing that Hashirama is not the only one present. That they hide it makes it all the worse for Madara.

"Tobirama! ______-san,” Hashirama gleams. She smiles, but isn’t surprised when Tobirama brushes aside the greeting, and automatically takes the artfulness of diplomacy.

"Brother.” Tobirama glances away from Madara finally, attempting to ignore the Uchiha’s dark scrutiny. “I trust you reviewed the preceding requests from the daimyo.”

“Yes! I have.” Hashirama sounds so excited, so proud.

As he shuffles through a stack of scrolls, Tobirama realizes she’s not at his side anymore. She remains at the door, not daring to come closer. But he doesn’t have to guess why.

Madara’s eyes are firmly planted on her. She doesn’t break eye contact with the Uchiha, not once as the conversation between brothers continues undisturbed.

Hashirama is bragging about the work he’s managed to finish, and Tobirama is trying to focus, since his elder brother’s accomplishment is both surprising and pleasing. But he can’t handle the tension between the two others in the room. It stirs the pain of curiosity that has been eating at him since the night she came into Hashirama’s office looking flustered and anxious, with the Uchiha’s chakra all over her. What the hell had Madara done to agitate her that much?

Then Hashirama says something particular that breaks his train of thought.

“Brother,” Tobirama snaps. “We can’t establish trade routes until we actually have commodities to trade.”

"But we can promise something, at least,” Hashirama insists. “At least what the Senju have exported before.”

“Not yet. Before you even think of showing these to the daimyo, you have to budget our own goods to make certain you’re not blindly lending out your generosity.”

“Tobirama—”

“No. Our first priority is supplying for the village.”

“But—”

“No—”

"Enough,” Madara snaps. For the first time, his eyes leave the woman and hone in on Tobirama. “The Uchiha will contribute to the trade exports. That will be sufficient.”

Hashirama is startled. Madara is never that responsive to Tobirama’s attitude. He’s not usually one to antagonize. Hashirama hoped to never witness equal grounds of acrimony between them, and it’s fretfully unsettling that they’ve come to that point.

Tobirama glares, naturally. If there’s one thing he hates more than the Uchiha opening his mouth, it’s when he opens his mouth and addresses him directly. And to chide him no less? Tobirama is almost as disgruntled as his brother, ready to argue, until Madara breaks the thick gaze for a second. Just a split second, and he glances back to the office door, to her. Tobirama puts together the pieces almost immediately.

Madara is expecting him to fly off the handle. To make a scene. To embellish whatever unpleasant and heinous image of him that the Uchiha has tried to fashion in her mind. Madara expects him to be the bad guy.

So Tobirama bites back what he wants to say, though it’s quite the task. Hashirama aids his restraint, jumping at the opportunity of silence and trying to redirect Tobirama’s attention.

"Yes, I’ll make arrangements,” he promises quickly. “That was my mistake.”

Hashirama doesn’t often appeal to Tobirama’s whims so easily, not unless he’s uncomfortable with the tension and hopes to mediate it as swiftly and harmlessly as possible. Now that tension is stifling. Not just with his brother and his best friend. Now, Hashirama soaks up the new tension he has discovered—the subtle, grim looks Madara sends to the other side of the room not going unnoticed.

“Good,” Tobirama mutters, practically seething with suppressed indignation.

He doesn’t look at Madara again. He passes over a document to Hashirama, the entire purpose for the toilsome visit. “Read over these,” he says curtly, and makes for the door.

Madara’s eyes are still on her, up until the very moment she leaves the room with Tobirama, trailing him, like a loyal dog, he thinks heatedly.

“That was cold, Madara,“ Hashirama says as soon as they’re alone.

The Uchiha scoffs. “The myriad of times your brother has treated me with the same scorn, and now you admonish me?”

“I wasn’t talking about Tobirama.”

Madara doesn’t even blink, but notes the unwelcome feelings of irritation take over once again. “Why do you say that?”

“Why? Because I notice you hardly speak to her anymore.”

“I’ve been doing other things. So has she, apparently.” He adds the last part in only to appease his own spite.

Hashirama scratches his cheek. “She does spend a lot of time with Tobirama. Which I’m glad for. That whole ordeal with her clan and the treaty was a mess, and they seem to get along now. But you two always seemed so—”

“I have been doing other things,” he reiterates.

“Like?”

Madara looks at him. “You’re more persistent than usual.”

“I’m just curious.”

He sighs. “As I said, this academy dilemma is distracting. Hopefully we can alleviate the pressure on clans in the village, while at the same time reinforcing our hold on this land with trade negations. Then I will be at ease.”

He sounds honest. Honest enough that Hashirama wants to believe him. The idea of Madara juggling underlying tension outside of village negotiations is upsetting. Hashirama wants to know. He feels like he needs to. He wants to pry, but he knows Madara’s patience and willingness to open up is brittle. And if Madara says it’s only slight problems justifying his anxieties, then perhaps Hashirama’s own are unwarranted.

Besides, the Senju is reminded of the workload he’s burdened with when he looks upon his desk. He momentarily puts aside his concerns in favor signing as many documents as he can.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She meets with Tobirama the following day. It’s not a necessary venture, but she finds herself steering toward the Senju office as soon as she steps out of her home every morning, needing some sense of comfort to distract her incessantly busy mind.

Before she can take the first step toward the office door, however, Tobirama walks out.

He appears momentarily surprised to see her. “My brother and Madara are conducting a meeting with the Akimichi today,” he says almost immediately.

She realizes he means that the building is currently occupied. Tobirama is simply saving the both of them from being in the same vicinity as the Uchiha, possibly evading another awkward encounter. She’s grateful.

“Oh. I see.”

He expects her to leave, to tell him that they can discuss more academy business another day.

“Then perhaps you wouldn’t mind coming to my side of the village to talk about the academy?” she suggests.

His eyes narrow. He doesn’t like that idea. Not at all. Almost immediately, it shifts his mind into a discomfort of unfamiliarity.

“We have our own office that the clan heads rarely use. Also, our own library,” she adds, like she’s trying to convince him. “It’s smaller than the public library, but reserved only for advisors and the clan heads. We won’t be disturbed.”

He considers it, wondering why he’s so anxious. It’s definitely going to remove him from his comfort zone, if he ever had one in the first place.

Then he clears his throat without thoroughly considering his own verdict. “Fine.”

She smiles softly, satisfied that he put up no fight.

However, on the way there, it’s quiet, and annoyingly awkward. She also receives a decent number of quizzical looks from her clansmen when she wanders through the streets with Tobirama Senju at her side, but she tries to ignore them.

There’s no conversation, even though she has a setting suspicion that he’s trying to furnish one. She starts thinking about how funny it all seems. The Senju, so feared in war. Tobirama for his cunning nature on the battlefield, for his dexterity and quickness. Now he’s there, pretending to admire nearby buildings to avoid conversation with her. She would laugh if she wasn’t convinced it would start an argument.

When they arrive at the library, she realizes she hasn’t stepped foot inside of the place for far too long. She only frequents the village’s main library, and always with Madara at her side. That’s one of the most obvious differences—walking in and watching Tobirama take the farthest seat away from her, as if proximity is to be avoided at all costs. He even persists his silence, offering no casual repartee. It’s not what she’s used to, and not what she expected.

Eventually, she caters to her curiosity and boldly asks about the arrangements being made with daimyo, and reluctantly, Tobirama explains the situation, mostly prattling on about Hashirama’s impetuous enthusiasm, which she doesn’t mind. If slandering his brother is an outlet for his irritation, she won’t stop him, even if somewhere deep down, she feels guilty for allowing jovial, good-natured Hashirama to be shamed so freely. She should be coming to his defense, but Tobirama looks more relaxed as he continues. The calm is infectious, and she finds herself smiling more often than not.

Along the way, the conversation shifts, and they’re suddenly arguing about something completely off topic. Yet she notices for the first time, it’s a harmless dispute more than anything.

He’s convinced that beyond the valley where the village is settled, there’s no closer stream for fresh water than one that runs parallel to the village. Which means the capacity will become scarce if the entire populace depends on that alone. Any outside source of water is much too far, and requires an unnecessary commute that they can’t afford. And she’s convinced they can afford it, swearing by the fact there was indeed another source of water nearby. It leads to her searching for a map among the hundreds of scrolls stocked in the library.

“It’s here somewhere,” she says, sifting through the highest possible shelf, standing on the highest possible step of a dangerously aged ladder.

Tobirama is ridiculously nervous, for whatever reason. Like he’s watching a toddler waddle too close to the pointed edge of a table. Before he knows it, he’s standing at the foot of the ladder, waiting tentatively.

“Don’t you keep anything organized in here,” he mutters, glancing around at the shelves. "Nothing is in order. How do you find anything?”

“I manage. Besides, we’re still in the process of stocking it with all of our records.” And suddenly, the slit of her dress slips down her bent leg, leaving her thigh much too exposed.

He stares, much longer than he cares to admit, before shutting his eyes and turning away. “It seems impossible to function,” he says.

“Why do you think I settle for the public library?”

He frowns at the tease of a counter, but says nothing, too occupied with pacifying his thoughts.

“Here it is.”

She rises on her toes for the reach, then pulls out a scroll by her very fingertips. In the blink of an eye, as she descends the ladder, her foot misses one step by an inch, and she’s slipping.

Natural of a kunoichi, she catches herself just as quickly as she falls, but not before he reacts.

Were they in battle, his agile and intuitiveness would have proven admirable. But his quick reaction apparently serves no benefit. When he reaches out to catch her, he grabs what’s right in front of him, with no thought at all.

She doesn’t even realize the firm grip planted on her ass is Tobirama’s hand, not until he recoils just as swiftly. She goes stiff and doesn’t move. She hears his futile attempt at an apology, then he goes completely silent.

All she wants to do is laugh, but she can’t. That wouldn’t be fair to him.

When she climbs down the steps and turns to face him, she finds that he’s much more flustered than she is, arms crossed, stance rigid, refusing to look at her. She’s about to say something, but he beats her to it.

“Can I see?”

“I’m sorry?”

He holds out his hand. “The map.”

She comes back to reality with a muddled oh, and hands him the scroll.

He returns to his seat almost immediately, and as soon as he’s out of sight, she clasps a hand over her mouth and smirks. It’s almost enough entertainment to subdue the pressures of clan and village drama that constantly beat down on her. She doesn’t compose herself until he’s impatiently calling for her and insisting that they return to their work.

She goes to the table, choosing the seat closest to him this time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

During their midday break, they visit the academy. His team is there, along with a group of other students she doesn’t recognize. They’re training and sparring, but mostly goofing around.

She glances at Tobirama as they stand by and watch. He looks pleased, for once.

On the way there, and for the duration of the time since their little incident, he hadn’t been able to look her in the eyes. He still won’t, in fact. She finds it oddly amusing, though maybe a little ridiculous. But she can forgive it, for the time being. The genuine smile on his face as he watches his students compensates for the cold demeanor.

She joked with him once and told him how much nicer he looked when he wasn’t brooding. And he had responded, of course, with a brooding frown. But looking at him now, with his uncharacteristically soft and relaxed expression, it’s undeniably true.

It was what she imagined a village to look like. Standing with a Senju, watching children of different clans cavort with one another. Peaceful. Comforting.

Then it’s swept away.

Hashirama makes his approach known with that distinguishable, exuberant voice of his. “Tobirama!” he grins, then notices her at his side. “Ah, ______-san, what are you two doing here?” His presence would normally be a jovial addition to the fine moment, but it’s who trails him that throws anxiety back into her body.

As soon as he sees her, Madara’s disposition too seems to change. It goes unnoticed only by Hashirama, who falls into conversation with Tobirama as he comes to his brother’s side.

Luckily, Madara remains near Hashirama, and the Senju brothers serve as a strong barrier between her and the Uchiha. Yet all it takes is a swift glance across them to confirm that he’s staring at her.

In the blink of an eye, she returns her focus to the training children, though it’s impossible to shake the weight of his gaze.

She looks to Tobirama for help, hoping she can intervene on his conversation in an effort to distract her from the grievous anxiety, but no such look. Naturally, he seems to be chastising Hashirama for something she can’t quite decipher. When she confirms that they’ll likely remain occupied with their own dilemmas, she tests her fortitude, glancing over once again and hoping to find that Madara has abandoned his severe scrutiny.

Still, he glowers. It’s then she understands tenacity won’t help her.

She clears her throat just loud enough to put a pause to whatever protest Hashirama had for Tobirama’s scolding. “I have more business to attend to with my clan heads,” she speaks. “You’ll have to excuse me, I think I should head back now.”

“Of course,” Hashirama smiles. “I hope my brother hasn’t taken up too much of your time.”

“No, of course not. The fault is mine, actually. I just lost track of time. I have work to do.”

Tobirama’s eyes narrow imperceptibly. He knows that’s not true. When he had inquired earlier about her schedule, she made it quite clear that she had no matters to attend to, the reason she had been so accepting of their academy discussions in the first place. He knows there’s something amiss.

As she leaves, Madara calls her name quietly in passing, and speaks to her under his breath.

Tobirama is the only one outside of the pair to notice, but he doesn’t hear what the Uchiha is saying, no matter how he strains to listen. Hashirama has returned to his prattling, and it’s impossible to drone out that zealous voice.

Nevertheless, Tobirama gathers it’s not a pleasant exchange. He doesn’t like the apprehension that pools into her features as the Uchiha speaks down to her.

All that Tobirama hears is her response. In a clipped, low voice, she answers him,

“Fine. I’ll be there.”

Then she’s gone.

#i'm gonna say tobirama wins this chapter #Madara-1 #Tobirama-1 #sexist shimura who served as plot development last chapter -1 #madara #tobirama #tobirama senju #madara uchiha #hashirama senju #I need a tag for this fic what should I do #also thanks for all the feedback on the last two chapters kjahdfkjsdhfjkds #ima be on vacation so I may be MIA this weekend #madaramadrama

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sprnklersplashes · 6 years

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Season 7 Characters

I am a good bit of the way through season 7 now, so I thought I’d share my thoughts on the characters. Overall, there’s no character I outwardly dislike (except Gothel but I’m meant to dislike her), but I only really like two characters, Drizella and Robin. As in, these are the only two characters who engage me on an emotional level. Everyone else is just sort of..... there. I am leaving out Rumple, Regina and Zelena because I’m lazy as fuck I have made my opinions known about them already and nothing as really changed. I am also not doing Naveen/Drew or Anastasia because as much as I like them.... they barely qualify for characters.

Anyway, if that didn’t put you of, then let’s-a go!

Drizella Tremaine/Ivy Belfrey- Oh my precious, crazy Drizella, you stole my heart in episode 6 (Wake Up Call) and have kept it. I think the main reason she is so sympathetic is because she has a relatable backstory-I’m sure a good number of people in the audience can relate to the frustration of being the second favourite child and living in the shadow of an older sibling. And Adelaide plays her so amazingly, small upset, dejected looks at her mother’s indifference to her in Hyperion Heights so that you can’t help but be on her side, even when I learn she is evil I still sort of rooted for her to make her mother regret what she did. Even after she drugs Ana, her tearful “I don’t want to die” made my heart ache for her. Wrong decision, completely wrong decision, but I can so, so get where she is coming from with it. I like how her arc centered on family and making amends with her sister. And then her redemption came and sent such a compelling character to hell with “well you ended up not hurting your sister for your own gain so good for you, don’t worry about us,your victims, just go live your life.” Oh Drizzy, I wish I could have given you the redemption you so richly deserved. I also would have liked less focus on Henry, because their relationship felt sort of random. And more exploration of her relationship with Ella.

Robin Hood-Mills/Margot- I’m so happy with how they used Robin. I find her such an interesting blend of the LWM and the Enchanted Forest, like watching her use the word “jerkwad” to a troll hunting mob in the Enchanted Forest. And I find her to be the most realistic character; her struggle with finding herself and her identity, the contrast between the “popular girl” she was in high school which just gave her a superficial happiness, and then finding her true calling as Robin Hood, doing something worthwhile, was so nice to watch. I cheered when she picked up that bow! And same in Hyperion Heights, Margot’s conflict with her mother is something very realistic, they never communicated enough. I also like her sense of humour a lot. And how she stands up for her beliefs and fights for the little guy-or girl, Alice, in her case-like a real Robin Hood. However, I don’t like how most of her main development took place in flashbacks, an issue I have with most characters. And I do find her present day character to be a bit... two dimensional. But hey, I have more episodes to go, so I could be wrong. I’d like to see more of her as a character, but from what I have seen I feel like she mainly exists as Alice’s love interest.

After this I think my reviews/analysis/whatever we’re calling this post are going to be less in-depth because Drizzy and Robin are the only two I really care for.

Rapunzel Tremaine/Victoria Belfrey- Well damn if season 7 did one thing, it was make a sympathetic villain with Victoria. I did find her a bit “knock off Evil Queen” until her backstory was revealed in 7x09. The whole theme of that episode was Punzy’s love for her family and even as a villain she is still doing everything because she loves Ana. My favourite kind of villains always have a sort of code or justification that makes them think they’re in the right. In a way, she reminds me of s1 Rumple, who kept his love for his son, but was still corrupted and evil with it. A moment for her that sticks out a lot is when Gothel has kidnapped and bound her and yet her concern is still for Ana, the first thing she does when she sees her is ask her if she is okay. That right there is some complex characterisation; she’s evil but with a tiny nugget of goodness left inside her. Now her redemption is where she falls down; she starts to realise that she should have focussed more on Drizella and less on the deceased Ana, which was good, and she saved Drizzy at the cost of her own life, but like I said before, Drizella was one out of many victims who never got any closure, most importantly Ella.

Lucy Mills- I do think Lucy is a lot like her father and that’s why I like her so much; her belief, her drive, and her sass. She isn’t really the most complex character there is, btu she’s just so loveable. She sees the best in everyone, even Tremaine (even if I sideeyed that part because come on bb). I don’t know what else to say about her; I can’t really say I love her development because imo, there is not much development to love, but who doesn’t love a funny, heart of gold munchkin running around believing in people all the time?

Tiana/Sabine-Well she’s... a good person. I like her development in becoming “her own knight in shining armour”. But like..... That’s sort of all their is to her. I do like her, she’s cute, her relationship with Naveen is adorable. She’ confident and strong but.... there isn’t a whole load of depth to her. Or maybe there is and I just forgot. I would say “I can’t believe ouat messed up the Princess and the Frog” but... it’s OUAT. She seems to fulfil the role of “supportive best friend” more than she does her own character arc.

Ella Mills/Jacinda-Okay for one thing-Dania does not deserve the hate she gets. She is a fine actress. Leave her alone demons. That said, she’s kind of like Tiana for me. Yeah she’s a good person but there’s not much depth to her. I feel like her lack of a backstory is bad for her because it makes it hard to sympathise with her. Sure we know she had a hard life but we don’t see it. I like her more in HH funnily enough, despite overall preferring the EF flashbacks. Watching her fight for Lucy is pretty cool to watch. The narrative fucks her over a lot, especially when t comes to Tremaine and how she did not once factor into her redemption arc despite being hurt severely by her.

Wish Hook/Detective Rogers- Sigh. Like Ella and Tiana, he’s a good person who deserves a happy ending, but that’s really all there is. He gets a little bit of complexity in 7x13 and 7x16 (I think), which is nice. They did skip over his redemption arc, which works for story purposes, but part of what I loved about Killian was his redemption arc. My favourite moments of his were him showing how much he had changed so WHook doesn’t fit that for me. I sort of see him as fundamentally the original character but less-less flawed, less self loathing, less redemption arc (that’s not grammatically correct but let’s move on). They also seem to have taken away the cheeky and sarcastic humour, which may make him more appealing to some people but I miss it. Objectively he’s pretty unproblematic, which I think in a way makes him boring, but undeserving of all the hate the CS fandom throws his way. He also gets manipulated and used a lot, which does make me feel sympathy for him. His scenes with Alice, young Alice in particular, are cute. And I do like that he stopped drinking. He’s a good man who deserves happiness probably more than anyone else, but kind of a watered down version of OG Killian. Don’t get me wrong, I tried really hard to love him but... I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Who knows, maybe at the end of the day, I did jsut see Killian as a prop for Emma, which is why I feel little attachment to a version that isn’t with her.

Henry Mills Swan- Henry is one of my favourite original show characters, so what drew me to this season was a grown up Henry. I am glad that despite being an adult, we still have that cute nerdy wide eyed dreamer of a kid. He does some things and I just think “that is so freaking Henry” like his fist pumping and Star Wars references and using his lunchbox as a weapon. And a lot of his child personality is still there, still an optimist who believes in people, but I feel like he’s matured a bit now. At the same time, he wants to be like the kind of heroes he read about and grew up with. He wants to give Ella a special ring like his grandparents had. I’ll admit there re bits where I don’t feel that he is Henry, but I think that’s because there is such a big jump between Gilmore!Henry and West!Henry.

Alice Jones/Tilly- I went in expecting Tilly to become my favourite, which is weird now because I am fairly neutral on her. I find it interesting the way she sometimes acts like an overgrown child because I think it is a way of showing how emotionally stunted she is, which is pretty neat. She is definitely very cute and makes an eccentric, bouncy kind of Alice, which is what I do think of when I think “Alice In Wonderland” (although my Alice knowledge is limited to the animated film and the Tim Burton one so I may not be very knowledgeable in that respect). I like her dynamic with Robin a lot. She isn’t really that well developed but she is fun to watch. I also wonder sometimes if her eccentricity and “strangeness” for a lack of better word is just her hiding how upset she is. I don’t really have anything else to say about her.

Gothel-To be honest, Gothel seems fairly one dimensional. There is very little to her. She wants to kill everyone because people killed her family. I feel like the writers have kept trying to make villains “bigger and badder” since s5 and then Gothel was just overkill. She has pretty much 0 redeeming qualities, which is cool, she’s the bad guy, but I don’t know, I think it just comes off as pretty shallow. Maybe a “she was always evil” story a la Cruella de Vil would have worked better? I will give it to them that she is very very creepy sometimes.

Dr Facilier/Samdi-I love how on the one hand, he is so, so like his animated counterpart but with enough uniqueness to stand apart. Daniel plays him so amazingly, his movements are so fluid, he’s charming but there’s a danger to him. He is a slimy little bastard (kinda like a... frog. See what I did there?). He intrigues me but I don’t see much to him. But he does remind me of s1 Rumple with his deals and general tomfoolery. I’ll come back to this section ocne I have watched more of s7, but for now my general perception is that he is fun to watch but I don’t see much below the surface.

#ouat s7 #drizella tremaine #robin mills #rapunzel tremaine #victoria belfrey #lucy mills #tiana ouat #ella mills #wish hook #henry mills #gothel #dr facilier #lotta shit going on here #long post for ts #if you're on mobile

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rorykillmore · 6 years

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maeve, bernard, aaand while dc stuff is Tempting, how about One megatron or optimus!

maeve

How I feel about this character: there is something incredibly powerful about maeve’s empathy and compassion. i mean seeing a character who reacts primarily through anger and retaliatory violence, like dolores, can be very empowering too when it comes from someone who was formerly a victim, but maeve just... idk she really reaches me with that. i think part of it must be that, as she says herself, she’s literally PROGRAMMED to be a selfish survivalist so seeing her extend herself so far beyond that is really... moving??? idk she’s just such a great character overall, she’s driven by so much (sometimes ruthless) ferocity but also love

All the people I ship romantically with this character: i didn’t really care about her and hector as a ship that much in season 1, but this season their devotion to each other has really been growing on me. also... is it okay to ship maeve and akane... it’s okay right... god, what a powerful connection they already have

My non-romantic OTP for this character: maeve and her entire squad, honestly. maeve and her daughter, although i realize we have... no idea what that’s ultimately gonna look like when she does find her, but it’s probably gonna be upsetting. and i’ll reiterate that i’m really interested in her and dolores having a dynamic!!

My unpopular opinion about this character: people who complain that maeve’s character “isn’t that deep” because she’s “reduced to her connection to motherhood” like.... are you even... watching the show... like literally. but reddit will find a way to nitpick any female character’s arc, so there you go.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: much like dolores, i’m really not sure i have any complaints at all so far. i’ll be interesting to see when her narrative collides more with the revolution one, though!! and of course i want her to have a happy reunion with her daughter, but what are the chances of THAT, westworld,

bernard

How I feel about this character: is it even possible to like... not enjoy bernard or find him really compelling as a character? i mean the “[human character] realizes he’s a robot” twist isn’t really uncommon in this genre but westworld does it so well and makes him so sympathetic and real!!! i love it, i really feel for him but at the same time i think it’s so interesting that he’s in the situation he’s in now, in the middle of a revolution he kinda helped create without realizing it. i have no idea what direction they’re gonna take him in, he’s probably one of the most confusing characters rn, but i’m rooting for him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: idk if i really “ship” him with anyone, but i do appreciate his connection to theresa for what it was and i think ford is an absolute fuck for. well. “messing it up” seems like way too tame a phrase, honestly.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: i’m really loving the stuff he’s getting with elsie this season!!! i’m looking forward to seeing that continue, though i’m also kind of holding my breath because there’s clearly... an undercurrent of someone else’s agenda through all of that. i also hope bernard gets more stuff with dolores because i love seeing his connection to arnold explored and i think there’s a lot to be said about how they both feel about that. and how bernard’s feelings re: whether he’s more host or human tie into that dynamic.

My unpopular opinion about this character: i literally have no idea what kind of discourse surrounds bernard, actually. that’s basically like the one thing even reddit isn’t shitty about. everyone wants bernard to be happy!

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: mmm.... the only thing i can think of is that i would have loved to see him be able to have some kind of more firm confrontation with ford that takes place after he’s really processed things and come into himself more and made some decisions about where he stands. but i’m not sure that’ll ever happen, for obvious reasons... plus who even knows what’s going on with bernard this season

idw megatron

How I feel about this character: honestly... taking one of the most iconic and well-known villains and have him switch factions and pursue redemption is gutsy as fuck, tbh. i remember being intrigued by that even before i knew much about transformers. this is hands down the most fascinating and nuanced iteration of megatron that i’ve seen and most definitely one of the things i enjoyed most when i was reading mtmte. scenes like the conversation he had with ravage really got to me.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: i mean... i guess there’s still optimus... does anyone who loves these characters ever truly escape that ship?? not really in a way where i think they’ll end up together, i just REALLY love their dynamic and think there’s so much intense and complicated emotion between them and i love any time it’s explored.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: megatron and ravage.... whose fault is tHAT,, but i also love all the complicated history and hurt between megs and soundwave, and a lot of the decepticons tbh. and some of the bonds he forged with some of the autobots, like how interesting his and rodimus’ dynamic became

My unpopular opinion about this character: sorting out transformers discourse and which side of it i’m on and what’s more popular to think is too much of a headache for me to sort out, tbh

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i don’t keep up with the current comics At All tbh but last i heard about megatron he got an ending that, understandably, a lot of people didn’t find satisfying?? but that a lot of OTHER people contended was part of some bigger twist?? idk if that ever resolved itself or whatever but i hope it did, his redemption arc was so powerful and ambitious that it deserves an ending suited to that.

#thanks storm!!#an ask full of Robots #numinousbones

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mynewsblog21 · 4 years

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How Do You Really Make Money Online?

Isn't that the most posed inquiry? https://primewire.show/best-imdb There are so many "NETPRENEURS" scrambling to make a "lot of cash" online with their own undertakings… Everyone needs to fire their supervisor in their J.O.B., and respond to the call of working in the general quiet of their own house, working for themselves, and making pots of cash!

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whovianfeminism · 7 years

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Whovian Feminism Reviews “The Doctor Falls”

“The Doctor Falls” is an ambitious story, there’s no doubt about that. With two generations of Cybermen, two Masters, two Doctors, five emotional arcs, and multiple farewells, it seems impossible to pull it all into a coherent episode. And yet, it comes together in the end to create a moving story that lets Peter Capaldi shine and sends him off to his final episode with reluctant excitement. But in trying to tackle too much at once, “The Doctor Falls” can’t give all the competing story arcs the time and attention they deserve. And it’s Bill Potts who particularly suffers as a result. “The Doctor Falls” compounded many of the problems with how her character was treated in “World Enough and Time,” and her superficially happy ending was an unsatisfying end to an underserved character arc.

“The Doctor Falls” is a story about conclusions and farewells. Peter Capaldi’s regeneration lurks underneath this entire story, from the flashes of fire around his hands to his urgent, growling speeches. But he’s still got one more episode left to go. His friends, enemies, and frenemies take center stage here. The first to go are Missy and the Master, who rather appropriately exit the show by stabbing themselves in the back.

Michelle Gomez and John Simm have delicious chemistry together, and it’s a pure delight to watch them banter. But they both have very different relationships with the Doctor, which creates an interesting conflict for Missy. Throughout this season I had doubted that Missy’s attempts to be good were genuine, so I was a bit surprised by the end of this episode. And yet, it’s the perfect conclusion for her arc. At the end of Series 8, Missy tried to rekindle her friendship with the Doctor on her terms -- now she has to choose whether or not to stand with him on his terms. It’s unintentionally the ultimate test of whether or not Missy meets the Doctor’s definition of “good.” She does something kind, without witness or reward, even though it risked her own survival. But it’s a massive break from her past -- which is why it is strangely appropriate that a past regeneration shoots her in the back for it.

Now that Missy and the Master are properly together, Moffat takes the full opportunity to play with Time Lords, regeneration, and gender. Ironically in the previous episode, Moffat made a point of having the Doctor say that Time Lords were “billions of years beyond your petty human obsession with gender and its associated stereotypes.” And, yes, this episode did have it’s progressive moments to show Time Lords could get beyond those petty obsessions. But it also leaned further into those stereotypes too.

One blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment that got a lot of positive attention was when the Master took a quiet moment to fix his eyeliner. Make-up is expected but often unremarked upon for film, TV, and stage actors. We know that they all wear some amount, and yet, we never see any of them apply it -- unless it’s to mock the character or mark them as a queer character. But there’s something beautifully understated about this moment. Both he and Missy take a moment to reapply their makeup during this episode, and both scenes happen quietly and without fanfare, like it’s a normal part of their daily routine. It’s a nice way of challenging gender norms around makeup.

Although John Simm’s Master is pushing some boundaries, he’s also reinforcing them in other ways. He makes a cruel and unnecessary attack on Bill’s gender while he’s trying to rile her up, and continues deliberately denying her gender as a specific part of his attempt to dehumanize her. He refers to her as an “it,” says she “used to be a woman,” and makes a point of asking for her old bras for his future regeneration (implying that perhaps those parts of her body were also cut up and thrown away during her conversion into a Cybermen). We know the Master is a villain already, his credentials have been well established there. So it felt especially unnecessary to add a gross campaign of misgendering to his ledger.

When Missy refers to Bill Potts using her correct gender pronouns, the Master mocks Missy, saying “Becoming a woman is one thing but have you got...empathy?” You know, that trait stereotypically associated with women. Way back in Series 8 I talked about the way Missy’s characterization and motivations seemed to play into gender stereotypes, but for most of this season I had been pleased to see that she had a more complicated emotional journey that stayed away from those stereotypes. But now here’s the Master all but saying that Missy’s reformation is only happening because she’s a woman, with all those associated gender stereotypes. And no one refutes his assertion. A villain can say things that are wrong or that the audience isn’t supposed to agree with, but at some point they should be refuted.

The next character we say goodbye to is Bill Potts. And it’s especially bittersweet to see her go.

We were fairly certain from the get-go that Bill would be a one-season companion. With both Peter Capaldi and Steven Moffat leaving, it was unlikely that Chris Chibnall would hang on to Bill. And although I thoroughly enjoyed her for the time we had her, I’m left at the end of this season feeling like her story and emotional arc were really underserved. She had good moments in each episode, but they didn’t all add up to a wholly satisfying story. She’s faced with the choice of whether or not to travel with Heather in her first and last episode. In her first episode she refuses Heather, but by her last episode she accepts. And yet the only thing that seemed to change about her was that, instead of letting Heather lead, she wanted to be the one to show Heather the universe. The sum of her emotional arc is “I’ve been through a lot.” Or, to paraphrase, “Girl, I have seen some shit.” And that’s not really a compelling arc.

But boy, did she see some shit in “The Doctor Falls.” When we first truly see Bill again -- when we first see Pearl Mackie -- she's being kept in a barn, segregated from the rest of the community. Everyone is terrified by her, and she doesn't know why. Her perception of herself is that she is normal, human, exactly like everybody else. But they see her as a monster. And it's not just that she looks frightening, she is actually dangerous. Her anger is literally destructive, so she must never express when she's angry or upset. The fear of the community occasionally results in her being shot, but she’s supposed to understand their fear and not protest, even when she’s hurt and upset.

These are a lot of heavy themes to tackle, especially when the character in question is a queer black woman. But the story never really commits to exploring any of the challenges her situation raises. So it unintentionally leans in to a lot of problematic tropes and stereotypes about black women.

One of the most frustrating of these -- especially because it would have been so easy to fix -- is this episode’s approach to Bill’s anger. Black women's anger is frequently portrayed as irrational, dangerous, and destructive -- it's known as the Angry Black Woman stereotype. In this episode, Bill's anger is literally destructive. If she gets angry or upset, she will begin uncontrollably firing the weapon she's been given as a Cyberman. So the Doctor instructs her never to be upset. She has to endure insult and injury without ever expressing how she feels about it. And there's no payoff. We never see her release all of the anger and sadness building up inside her. She occasionally gets to fire her gun when the Doctor directs her to, and she gets to express her sadness over the Doctor's near-death. But there's never a moment that's entirely focused on Bill. We never see her anger portrayed as valid and necessary, instead of dangerous and destructive. Pearl Mackie's performance was incredible in those glimpses where she showed us what she was really feeling, but she and the audience deserved more.

By the end of this episode, Bill survives, has her body restored (somewhat), and gets to fly off to her happy ending with Heather. It's a remarkable ending that elicited a lot of complicated feelings. In the heat of the moment, I was almost crying with happiness. The importance of seeing women kissing women on screen cannot be understated. It was affirming, it was beautiful, and it was so necessary. It's so rare that queer love saves the girl instead of dooming her. I wanted this kiss more than anything this series.

And yet, those feelings couldn't last. I had no investment in Heather and Bill's relationship, beyond a desire to see adequate queer representation in media. They had a cute flirtation in "The Pilot" but hadn't really established a relationship. And the last time we saw Heather, she was barely herself anymore. It all felt rather superficial. We needed to see more of their relationship being built up throughout the series. This could've been accomplished by showing glimpses of Heather following Bill throughout her adventures.

There was also something very odd about Bill's last words to the Doctor, when she asked if he knew she was a lesbian. People I follow on Twitter couldn't agree on whether she was making a trolling joke or if this was an attempt to insinuate that maybe she might've had something for the Doctor if he was her type. Either way, it was clumsy and tonally off as they prepared to face their imminent deaths.

All of these problems could've been fixed had more time been spent on her story, both in this episode and throughout the series. I will always love Bill and adore Pearl Mackie, and yet I will always believe she deserved more.

But, of course, this episode is about saying farewell to Peter Capaldi.

And what a send-off. It’s a gift-wrapped package to the actor who’s still a fanboy at heart. He gets to have a story exploring the genesis of the Mondassian Cybermen. He gets a scene with the First Doctor, probably his favorite Doctor, who he has been emulating since the very first moment it was announced that he would be the Twelfth Doctor. And he gets Rachel Talalay, who has directed every single one of his finale episodes, to direct his final episodes.

And let’s take a moment to appreciate their collaboration and the stunning work Rachel Talalay did on this episode. They have built a wonderful creative relationship together that has given us stunning episodes and brought out the best of Capaldi’s Doctor. And Talalay’s dedication to the details of Doctor Who really stands out in this episode. The Fan Show’s interview with her about “The Doctor Falls” is a must-watch. She talks about how she achieved the switch between Pearl Mackie and the Cyberman in-camera with some clever work, and how they debated how the newly-converted Cybermen should behave in even the briefest moments. One under-appreciated moment I wish I saw more gifsets of was a small scene at the beginning of the episode where ash floats around the Mondassian Cybermen, like snow from “The Tenth Planet.”

But above all what I loved most about “The Doctor Falls” was the focus on kindness. It was the perfect sentiment to send-off the Twelfth Doctor. From the man who once said he needed his companions to care so he didn’t have to, to the man who cares so much he’d lay down his life for strangers, this Doctor has been through an incredible evolution. His final speech to Missy and the Master perfectly summed up everything the Twelfth Doctor stands for, and it epitomizes the man who portrays him. Peter Capaldi, above all, is kind. He shows as much care and dedication to the role he plays as he does to the fans who love this show. It will be hard to say goodbye, but he’ll leave behind an incredible legacy.

#Doctor Who #The Doctor Falls #Series 10 #Reviews #Feminism #Whovian Feminism

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what-soul · 7 years

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LFF: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

I went to watch FMA:B again because I watched a youtube video talking about its themes of religion vs science and the dangers of adhering to one philosophy without question. Really glad I did, because this time around I was able to appreciate it a lot more than last time.

It’s absolutely jam-packed. I couldn’t even begin to summarize it and do it justice, but here’s a brief overview of the themes:

Dangers of adhering to one philosophy without question

Equivalent exchange (you must give something to get something)

The human condition (good and bad)

You can win battles alone, but you can’t win wars

All is one and one is all - we are all part of each other

Nothing is more valuable than being alive

Emotional self-deception

Forgiveness ends the cycle of hatred, but doesn’t condone the cause

Practically every episode presents a new idea, but it doesn’t do so in a hammy way, like it’s lecturing at you. Instead, everything is organic and comes as you’d expect, exploring the ideas rather than telling you the answer. All of them were, at least to me, deserving of deep introspection and consideration.

Everything had layers of metaphorical meaning too. The philosopher’s stone is made of human lives. Thus it represents the product of the sterile, dehumanizing side of science - a literal object made of people as resources to be exploited. It’s also (initially) a symbol of hope for Ed and Al, a legendary item which will allow them to atone for their unforgivable past and ignore the consequences without cost (ignoring “equivalent exchange”), but the true cost is revealed to be their own humanity. To overcome human limitations, they must figuratively stop being human.

For me, the strongest ideas I could connect to most were the humanism aspects. The human condition is something I still struggle to fully understand because I feel somehow inhuman. The themes of family and friendship were totally alien to me, but for that reason the most compelling. I nearly cried when Envy died - he was jealous of humans’ perseverance and friendship just as I long for conviction and friendship. He died alone and humiliated by his own desires which he got a taste of with Ed’s empathy. It’s telling too that Envy is the personification of the Dwarf’s envy of humanity, so he too wished to be human on a subconscious level, but instead opted to destroy the mementos of what he (thinks) he can’t have.

Father’s death was also heartbreaking for me, though much less directly.

“My Stone... My Philosopher’s Stone... W-What...? What is this...?” “Go back to wherever you were born, Dwarf in the Flask, Homunculus!” “Why?! I wanted to know everything about this world! Without being bound by anything! Free, in the vast world! I...!”

We see Hohenheim become visibly upset by this, as he recalls that originally, all he wanted was to be free of his flask, which he readily compared to #23′s slavery. This came to define his entire outlook on life, with the very laws of physics being seen as an enslavement by Truth, and yet in the 400 years he had a human body, he never left his lair, a new kind of vessel that he stayed in willingly, perhaps out of fear. On top of this, his death follows a crowd of people cheering as Ed, a “mere human alchemist” bare-handedly beats him to death. He denied humanity despite wanting it more than anything else, and they denied him right back.

Need more thinkings. There’s too much to process at once.

#fullmetal alchemist #life lessons #personal

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mixedfeelingsproject · 7 years

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Anonymous

Where are you from? Seattle, WA

How would you describe your race/ethnicity? Biracial white/Japanese-American

Do you identify with one particular aspect of your ethnicity more than another? Have you ever felt pressure to choose between parts of your identity? When I was little I wanted to know more about my Japanese side. I think this is because my father, who is a third generation Japanese-American, didn't talk about his heritage a lot if at all, but my white mother pressed that that part of my family history is important. And even though I grew up in a rural white community, I was always told that my Japanese ethnicity was "cool" or "different"(in a good way), so I felt comfortable exploring it. But I also felt compelled to explore my white heritage too because my maternal grandfather constructed a family tree leading back to Norway, Germany, England, and Wales. In my teenage years I really embraced this and did Norwegian folk dance alongside taking Japanese Language lessons. But I always felt like I had to carefully balance the amount of attention I allotted each side of myself - not because of external pressure, but rather because I didn't want to make one side of myself feel more important than the other. I wanted them to be equal because I felt that was important. But as I've become more aware of issues like racism, cultural appropriation, and privilege, I've had times where I've waned in identity - on both sides. I remember being heartbroken and not wanting to continue studying Japanese because of how Japan conducted itself in China during WWII and race issues in the country today, I felt ashamed. But I've also been upset at the vicissitudes of white privilege and violence against POC (I was sheltered from that growing up). Whether I strongly identify as one or the other isn't fixed for me, it waxes and wanes depending on context and what I am feeling at the moment.

Did your parents encounter any difficulties from being in an interracial relationship? Lol, not that I know of? My dad is pretty Americanized in a heavily Asian area, so none of his behavior would come off as "different". I think that helped them blend in a little. But my mom told me that when she announced to her dad (my grandfather who happens to be pretty damn racist) that she was getting married, my grandpa asked what his last name was (this was over the phone): Mom: "It's Watanabe." Grandpa: "Whatta-what?! Janet K, what the hell are you getting yourself into!" At this point my mom was used to this kind of response from my grandfather as he was kind of a raging mess and didn't really deserve her attention anyways, so she just laughed.

How has your mixed background impacted your sense of identity and belonging? I grew up really damn white. And by that I mean really damn whitewashed. This is not only due to the location in a rural area outside of Seattle, but also that my dad is whitewashed, and my mom is white, and I'm white-passing (we were also very very Christian). But I always knew I was Japanese. I just never - NEVER - experienced racism because of it. Only until recently have I experienced any aggression towards me on the basis my race and most of it was online. I think something that helped preserve my Japanese identity in the face of all this whiteness I grew up around is the fact that my family hosted Japanese Exchange students, a total of seven from when I was a child and have no recollection to high school. I'm close friends with the two we hosted when I was a teenager. And they all marveled at the fact they were in America staying with ethnic Japanese, even though we were Nikkei (ethnic Japanese outside of Japan) and didn't speak Japanese (by the time the second Japanese student came along I had visited Japan and my Japanese was pretty good). And yet I knew I didn't really belong in Japan after I had gone there for the first time, since they called me Amerika-jin (an American), and not Nikkei-jin. But the Japanese people I do know are warm and welcoming towards me, and consider me a part of their culture, just not a part of their society (and that degree varies depending on the person and how well they know me). But I never felt this way in white circles - unless I brought up my last name. Then I was suddenly the Asian one, or at worst, the "exotic" girl. But this didn't really bother me much as a lot of that stuff flew over my head; I didn't realize how that could be damaging not just to myself, but to others and the community at large. Now I'm more sensitive to it because of that. In all honesty where I belong doesn't trouble me as much as others because I'm okay with just being myself. But lately I've realized that's part of my white-passing privilege, and furthermore I'm feeling alienated by my country because of the way it's moving.

Have you been asked questions like "What are you?" or "Where are you from?" by strangers? If so, how do you typically respond? Haha so many times! It never bothered me because they left it open-ended for me to answer. It was the rare that they were more rude about it, although I don't think people should keep asking us "what are you" as that's pretty demeaning and there are better and more nuanced ways to ask us about our background. The more far-flung guesses I more so laugh at because they are so off the map, and in all cases I just say I'm Japanese and White. However, now that I'm a full grown woman, I've been privy to the issue of Yellow Fever (which I have very much been a victim of), which when I'm talking with men makes me more keen on withholding my ethnicity as from experience I get the instant "ooooh you're an Asian woman" vibe. Bleh. At one time when I was living in the city I was debating on converting to Islam, and in my more serious phase I was wearing hijab more and more often. I got asked by one man who was from East Africa where I was from, and he was surprised (and a little embarrassed lol) when I told him I was from here. That's why I decided against wearing the headscarf at all unless I decided to take Shahadah and become a Muslim (that's another story for another place and time). Also, another story, a friend of mine who is French-Canadian and Alaskan Native often gets mistaken as my sister and vice-versa. We used to work together at a small store so we'd always laugh at this and joke that we were very very very very very very very very distant cousins from back during the age when the ancestors of the Native Americans crossed the Ice Bridge from Russia/Asia to Alaska. Lol.

Have you experienced people making comments about you based on your appearance? Nope, because most people assume I'm white through and through or if they have a suspicion, they typically keep it to themselves. UNLESS I'm wearing kimono; I hate Yellow Fever so much man... I also have a hair loss disorder and that's more noteworthy in gossip about me than anything else.

Have you ever been mistaken for another ethnicity? The most common guess is Chinese, Japanese being the second, Native American third. I've even had someone ask if I was Turkish (which makes me roflmao now because my current boyfriend is Turkish)! And no, that latter question was not while I was wearing hijab, and the lady (Fatima was her name) was super nice :)

Have you ever felt the need to change your behavior due to how you believe others will perceive you? In what way? In Japanese circles I change my behavior a lot, but I think this is due to how the study of the language has created a separate identity within me. This is really common for multilingual people, to have, say, a "Spanish" presentation of themselves alongside their "English" presentation, and even a "Turkish" presentation of themselves while speaking any of those respective languages. But I know I try harder to blend in when I speak Japanese. I don't pass as Japanese in Japan for the most part, but the minute I start speaking I do (I don't have an accent when I speak Japanese and hence I sound native lol). So that helps and I want that, but at the same time it's the potential of eliminating my white side and my American upbrining that makes me say "Hanbun Nikkei-jin" (half ethnic Japanese) instead of "Hanbun Nihon-jin" (half Japanese). If any experience I had in white/non-Japanese circles, I would have to say that I have to clarify that I am a Japanese-American, not strictly Japanese; the fact I have a Japanese last name makes this distinction difficult for the non-Japanese/Japanese-American. No, my mom isn't from Japan, she's white as hell and my dad is a third generation full blooded Japanese-American whose only voluntary tie to Japan is grilling mochi over the stove. This in turn makes the other (including my boyfriend's mom lolol) believe I'm somehow "less Japanese", not because I'm half, but because I'm not a direct import from Japan (see what I did there? No? Haha okay). To me that's not okay, so then I start speaking Japanese and they're like "oh you're really Japanese!" Which, okay, thanks, but I had to learn this - which leaves me back at square one. Honestly this is where I get pissed off, but it's an incredibly complex issue that most people - even the "woke" ones - aren't familiar or even open to discussing. So then I frame it as "I want to reconnect with my relatives in Japan someday," which makes the other party respect me more because of the noble aspect of it (and I do want to reconnect, that's one of the major reasons I have undertaken the language). But funny how I have to be a hero in order to be taken seriously and not be seen as a weeb.

What positive benefits have you experienced by being mixed? I love being mixed! I wouldn't have it any other way. I've always loved being different somehow, mainly different in mind and spirit, but I do enjoy the complex - albeit sometimes frustrating - experience I have because I'm mixed. I love my Japanese side and my white side, even though my Japanese side is more fraught with scars from the Internment and subsequent poverty/second-class citizen mindset from my father, I still prize it as a unique history apart from Japan and apart from white America. But I also know that that part of my family extends back into Japan in some fashion and that the history there is long even if it's undocumented - it's in our genes. Likewise with my white side. In a way being mixed has given me not one, but two paths of history to explore, connect, and learn from. It has made me more open minded and paved the way to understand that people don't have to be one or the other, they can be both. I love diversity. If I'm in a mono-racial/cultural/religious place, I get hella bored and even depressed. Diversity makes me alive. The fact that I'm racially and cultural diverse in my very existence makes me feel alive.

Have you changed the way you identify yourself over the years? I've realized that I don't need to "appease" any side of me internally. That also goes for externally. I've come to identify myself more as a human with a more interesting experience than some; the more you get to know me the more I'm apt to tell you my story as a biracial disaporic. So in a way I'm more conservative about how I identify myself to strangers, especially men. But I'm still proud of my Japanese heritage, specifically my Japanese-American heritage. And I'm still proud of my white heritage, the Norwegian (gimmie that krumkake), German (omg my grandma's apfelkuchen will forever be my downfall), English (I still see them as shitty colonialists sorry lol I leik tea and Jane Austen at least), and Welsh (the dragon is pretty damn cool not gonna lie) side no matter how much I knock white people, I'm proud to be part of that heritage. I think learning more about the bad parts of history on either side of my background (Like the xenophobic Japanese attitude and then the English colonial rape and pillage of Africa) has given me a more clearer picture too on how I identify with these parts of myself. Do I cherry pick? Absolutely. But I still acknowledge the wrongs of each side in history. We're all human. Let's identify as that first.

Are you proud to be mixed? Hell yes!

Do you have any other stories you would like to share from your own experiences? I want to share two stories: one about how my Japanese side holds me accountable, and then the Yellow Fever one. I'm gonna start with the latter as I want to end on a high note, but also because I think it's important for people to realize the impact of Yellow Fever has on Asian and Asian-American women, including those of us who are not fully Asian.

At my first job in a huge corporate company away from home, I felt kind of lost in a lot of ways. A company veteran who I will call James was always willing to help me, and in the beginning it was great. By the way, James was 12 years older than me, married (to an Asian woman), and was expecting a kid when this all started to go down. I told him I liked video games, to which he invited me over to meet his wife and play games. this was fun and dandy, we complained about work when we needed to and whatnot. He was overall a good friend, except when he started to send me texts with "you're my little angel" and some really suggestive picture of a nude angel. He also would talk about how hot Kpop and other Asian stars were, having photos on his computer and phone. He was also very crude and constantly talking about how what a cute little Asian girl I was. I got a lot of attention at that job - it was a male-dominated company as it was - but James was by far the most vulgar. He would even whisper "jokes" about fucking me and how he was sick with Yellow Fever shit into my ear. Being young and inexperienced, I was scared and felt that if I told someone, I'd be going behind this back. I now know that I should've done that from the get go. It all came to a head when I began dating a man I'll call Leo. Leo was the same age as James and I met him outside of work. When James learned about Leo - and the age thing - that's when the sexual advances became more lewd. By then James's child was born, a boy, and he would send me pics of his genitals saying "look it's just as big as mine". James eventually confessed he had feelings for me, despite everything he had in his life. "You like games and you're a cute little Asian girl!" He kept wanting to know about Leo and I's sex lives. One day I was called to the Manager's office: corporate was on the phone, asking me about James and his behavior. Soon after, I was whisked into the office next door to write some paperwork up, and there is a opaque sliding window in the wall that connects the two offices. I got to listen to James respond to corporate's questions. He denied all. The manager took pics of his texts on my phone as proof. Good thing I left soon after - I learned later he was fired. After more than a decade with the company, James was gone. Apparently I was not the only one; I didn't even file the complaint. But how James talked about me in the Asian fetish context not only made me feel scared but also that I couldn't trust men to not be attracted to the "Asian" part of me. TL;DR - Douche of a man helps me at my first job, but then makes sick, sexual jokes about Yellow Fever and how hot I am because I'm Asian, I was too afraid to speak up, but then someone else files a complaint and I give enough evidence that gets him fired after I leave the company. Yellow Fever has real consequences and they're all bad.

The second story will be shorter, it's basically how since I was young, I was obsessed with "gypsy" culture. I now know better to call it Romani culture. Before I realized the implications of how Romani nomad culture has been appropriated in the West, I eagerly latched onto the Boho embroidery on dresses, bangles, and crystal balls in an effort to be a "gypsy". I didn't realize the oppression these people faced and that the word gypsy is a slur, even though I still greatly respect their culture. Once I learned that the Romani were lumped into the Concentration Camps of Germany during WWII, and that the discrimination against them was bloody, horrific, and compounded by recent cultural appropriation, I realized what I was doing - and that I remotely knew how it felt. My grandmother was incarcerated in Minidoka in an Internment Camp during WWII, and the modern day cultural invasion of Japanese pop culture in spaces like Hanami made me realize how harmful my wanton taking of Romani culture was. In short, the struggles felt from my Japanese side help keep me accountable to other groups. I no longer say gypsy, or dress like their revered witches, or claim to be Romani simply by the way that I dressed - and to all Romani people, I apologize for appropriating your culture. I know better now, and I respect your history even more. Next time I want to partake in your culture, I will ask first, and respect you if you say "no". Because I know what it feels like when a group says "no" and the other party doesn't respect it. TL;DR - Young girl appropriating Romani culture realizes her wrongful actions because of how the oppression of the people mirrored her own Japanese-American family struggle, girl apologizes and now is more sensitive and respectful of the culture that she still is keen to learn about. Being mixed is awesome, I wouldn't have it any other way.

#mixed #japanese #european #identity

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