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thoseindarkness · 3 years

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DtD News Nov 2020

Thank you to anyone who came back for this nonsense. For brevity I have an announcement that I want to make up front. I didn't have room for it last month so I pushed it back, but I can't anymore. I had to make one major revision to the published story. I want people to know about it.

This is the TLDR version. I tell a more in-depth story at the end.

ANNOUNCEMENT

The summary: I had a bad outline walking into writing Mistrust Goes Both Ways. I ran into a problem mid-story. Instead of stopping and taking the time I needed, I challenged myself to creatively solve my way out of my problems. I re-started with about half of what I'd written, published Mistrust Goes Both Ways, and restarting my outline with high hopes. I was proud of myself for rising to the challenge.

Despite my best efforts, it didn't work out. In the end, I had to scrap my outline. I was able to structure the end I was going for and spent the end of 2019 trying to link the first two stories to the ending I wanted. It wasn't working. Then TRoS. Then COVID. Here we are. In June, I started experimenting with scrapping Mistrust and restarting from Read Between.

Mistrust Goes Both Ways will not be part of the finished story when I'm done. I know some of you love it. I love it. I have no intention of taking it down. I might, for a short time, when I'm posting the final story. I'll let you know if that happens and it will go back up afterward. I don't have specifics as there's no point planning for it now.

For right now, nothing is changing on my AO3 account. Feel free to read and comment to your hearts content. I promise it will stay up forever to remind me that some mistakes are worth sharing with others. I learned good lessons from this mistake. It stays.

That being said I think I owe you an actual update on the progress of this story.

WHAT THE HELL I DID THIS MONTH

After my first update I needed to re-integrate with Reylo friends. Funnily enough, that pulled me into another fic. I've been working on that between following this election. Now that it's called I can get back to writing. I tried a couple of times since I voted on Oct 30th, but I knew it wasn't what I wanted to be thinking about.

Thankfully, I've also begun doing more social/political essays lately. I'm not sure what overall form or shape those may take and I haven't published any. Still, I was creative and I did plenty of writing. Interestingly, all this political focus is good for Deceive the Deceiver. Spinning and listening to conspiracy theories is a big part of weaving a world like this one. A great deal comes from my thoughts and perceptions of the real world.

WHERE DTD IS

As of right now I am in the process of first drafting the entire story with Read Between as the starting point. That is, every one of the short stories in the series. What I'm doing is somewhere between a history, an outline and random scene writing. All of these elements are currently strung together in one long, continuous, chronological, first draft. It's everything from the history before Read Between (which starts in the 1930's), all the way to the final scene of DtD.

I'm taking all the good ideas I've created in the last couple of years and re-organizing them into a first pass. It's the skeleton and some of the meat now. I'm slowly building out now that I have a blank-er slate. It's about choosing what works and what doesn't.

I call it accordion writing. It just gets bigger and bigger. This outline will later level up into the first full story drafts for each part. I've got so much history when I finish this I might… I'm getting ahead of myself. Don't want to give too many clues away.

Another interesting thing that's happened recently is I've started pulling bits of other fic ideas that I’m just not gonna finish. A big chuck of the history I stole from a modern/academia AU where Ben and Rey are history students specializing in the ancient Jedi religion. Another was a complication between characters came from a canon story where I wanted to paint the relationship with a new layer. We'll see if I can pull that off.

I spent a lot of time prior to this year focusing on the heroes but my villains hadn't gotten much love. Filling in the history has given me a chance to flesh out the villains. All their moves and countermoves, woven through the bits I already have, are spinning a pretty tapestry. Oh, the villains are so much fun to write!

This other fic came together in the same sort of accordion fashion and it's been fun working through the kinks in the process now that I've seen some of the weak points on a scale like DtD. I think I've mentioned, but this is a writing experiment for me and I'm most invested now in improving my process and clue-threading with DtD. This other fic is helping me test it on a smaller scale.

Not that this needs to get any longer, I'm just going to throw pretense out the window and go with complete vanity. If you don't give a wet shit about my life (and I don't blame you) you have reached the end of your journey. I hope to see you next month. If not, then I leave you with this parting:

May we meet again in our next fandom, through mutes and not as rival shippers.

The following is the ridiculous story of my ups and downs with Deceive the Deceiver. I figure if I explain to you how much I'm invested in this story some of you will stop worrying that I'm going to abandon it. Trust me. I'm not.

This tale stretches from NANOWRIMO 2018 and the prompt that started it, through the ups and downs of 2019 and 2020, to the writing of last month's letter. Buckle up. I love bumpy rides.

DtD: from NANO '17 to COVID-19

This story truly starts in December 2017 when I drenched the seat beneath me during Last Jedi. I'm a TLJ shipper. I got caught on the thirst train. It hit a time when writing was becoming a really big part of my life. I've been writing since I was a kid. I stopped for a while and came back to it. It's a long story. Ultimately, I'd started writing a lot a few years earlier. A mix of fic and originals but I was running into problems so I start reading a bunch of books to get better. TLJ lit the fires. NO joke TLJ came out on the 15th. I have pages of writing from the 20th.

2018 was Reylo year! I was already on Tumblr for my previous fandom (Batman comics). I found Reylo AU week which is in August. I submitted a story for that. It was the first fic I published for Reylo. Fast-forward August to November. I'm in the Writing Den on Discord and someone throws out this spy prompt. People start running with. Throwing ideas around. One of those was the snuggie in Mistrust! I have that conversation saved and story spots for each crazy thing they threw out. Finally, I said I'd do it!

Mind you, this is November 2nd. Nano has just started and the event is about "turning off your internal editor." This prompt consumed me. I was trying to keep up with SpaceWaffleHouseTM that first year. I did, btw. We both crested 100,000. It was my first Nano. Word count is not my problem. Organizing my crazy ambitious ideas is my problem. Some of that 100k was other stories, like Custard which I wrote half of in November and the other half Jan/Feb 2019. Most of it… probably 80k of it… was DtD.

Read Between the Lies is currently 33,710. I wrote at least 20k of that during that first Nano, as well as outlines and scenes for what I thought would be the starting point. I remember wanting to write Read Between to "get into their headspace" by writing their first meeting. I didn't think it would become a whole story. I was just going with it then. Any idea that came to mind.

I took December 2019 off for a few reasons. Some personal. Some burnout. I'm one of those people that can use writing to relieve stress, but I was so exhausted from that month-long writing sprint. By the last week I was dragging to get the final four or five thousand words to hit 100k.

Also, what I had by the end (no internal editor) was a bird nest of ideas that had too many beginnings, not enough middles, and endings to go around. I knew one thing right away: I knew I had more than one story. There were so many fun ideas. I figured, what the hell. I knew another thing right away: the prompt was at the end of the story. Like, the very end. Like, the last short story. Or the second to last short story, at the earliest. That hasn't changed. Ever. That's just where it ended up.

Between January and April of 2019 I touched DtD a few times. I kept coming back to it, reading through it, trying to untangle it. I made new notes on the stories. Expanded ideas. Tried to structure it. I figured out a bunch of good notes, but no real substance. The hardest thing was figuring out where to start! Did I:

(1) Start shortly before the prompt with Ben/Rey's relationship established and fill the story with the history?

(2) Start a lot earlier and build Ben/Rey's relationship from the beginning I'd written in Read Between?

If I'm being honest, Read Between was a lot better than I thought it would be and I didn't want to get rid of it. For a while I was thinking of publishing it last as a "prequel" if people liked the series.

Funny enough, the turning point happened May fourth weekend 2019…

In the week leading up, I was struggling through another story and decided to take a break for the weekend. I'd start writing again on Sunday when I met with my writing group. I met them through Nano. We used to meet at Panera. Now they meet on Discord. They mostly sprint though and I'm not a sprinter. I miss Panera. Anyway.

May 4th was a Sunday (look it up). I gave myself a writing break for the weekend and marathoned Star fucking Wars. It was nerd weekend. I was going to nerd out. I wore exclusively SW gear all weekend. I remember it well. It was the start of something fucking magical in my life.

Have I mentioned recently I really love this story. Trust me I will fucking finish it. Oh my god the demons won't leave until I do. Get them out of my head…

I had a pretty rockstar weekend. I believe the reason I skipped the PT that weekend was because I'd watched it the month before or so. Right after finishing the Clone Wars animated series (which is awesome and I strongly recommend both it and Rebels). I skipped them and SOLO.

Starting with R1, I went through in chronological order. I stopped at RotJ. I was with my family on Saturday and they were playing RotJ in the living room during the party. We talked about my marathon. My mom came over to my apartment after. We watched RoTJ properly. Then Force Awakens. It was too late by then to watch TLJ. I know I went straight to bed after my mom left on Saturday night.

Somewhere during or right after TFA I started thinking about Deceive the Deceiver. I don't remember what sparked it. I went to bed thinking about DtD. I know this with 100% certainty because I woke up thinking about again on Sunday and I thought it was quite odd.

I dream about this story in a way I have only dreamt about a precious few. Technicolor folks. It keeps me up at night.

I went to my writing group with (a) no plan for what to write, (b) a gordian knot that I had yet to untangle, (c) a sudden urge to re-read it. I opened my notes and read DtD through all our sprints. I read most of it during that writing session. We go about three hours.

That night I had Game of Thrones at my parent's. It was the (spoiler alert) episode where Arya kills the Night King. I remember because two minutes into the episode my brother's car broken down a few blocks from our apartment and we had to go help him. Derailed the whole night (this is foreshadowing).

Side note: I live with my younger brother and he's the best roommate I've ever had in my 35 years of life. Love you, Mo!

The episode was recording so we ran out. Had to leave the car in a parking lot. Someone had already helped him push it out of a puddle but my brother was soaked to mid-calf and the engine was shot. We dropped him off at home and I rode back to my Momma's crib to watch GoT. It was only the beginning of a wild night.

I went to bed late. I had to get up a few hours early to deal with the car before work started for either of us. I guess we were both hoping to avoid taking the day off. That wasn't going to happen. I drove home but I couldn't sleep. That crazy episode and the fact that my brain was already on fire with DtD.

I spent the wee hours finishing my re-read through the rough draft of Read Between the Lies. It saw my starting place. I started writing. I wrote through waiting in a parking lot, for the tow truck, in my car, at 6 am, with no sleep. I did a voice recording as I drove from the parking lot to the mechanic where the driver was taking my brother's car. I thought about it the whole way back. I sat on the sofa a wrote some more when we got home. I went to bed at 11 am and I'd written 10k more words for Read Between the Lies.

Somewhere between the chaos of May 5th and the official publish date on June 5th, Read Between got written. I know it didn't take too long. I remember sending it off to beta (by my amazing beta team on 1 & 2: Em, Jen, and Sai) and immediately pivoting to my outline. I slapped that together far too hastily and kept moving. I was going on holiday in the UK (I'm American and I'm ashamed) in early August so I planned on trying to publish Part 2 when I got back. At the very least I wanted it ready for beta.

Also some to admit, around the middle of 2019 I was fatigued with the fandom. We were hitting a lull. I was psyching myself up for the end and the exit. I was trying to clean house. I wanted to push out unfinished fics. To make them work. There was a lot of that mood from me in 2019. I was trying to make everything work. It's why Read Between came out, and that was a good thing. It's also why Mistrust came out, and that was a bad thing.

With that mentality looming, tough outline in hand, I started writing Mistrust before the end of May. I hit my snag sometime during the period I was publishing Read Between because by the time it was all done I knew I wasn't going to have a finished story by the time I left for London. I would figure it out when I got back. I picked up another project to distracted me from my problems for a little while. That is going to be an original if it's anything. One day…

At some point after I got back I started focusing heavily on problem solving. I had two stories already and a number of plot threads I had to resolve. I have heavy, heavy, heavy notes from September to December of 2019. Lots of possible ways to run this story. It sucks that a lot of that stuff isn't going to make it, but I'm recycling shit every day and I learned so much about the characters/story in that four month period. It really shaped the finished product in an important way.

This period is where I started to look at the bigger structure and how I was going to solve specific plot problems in each short story to bring the whole together. That focus on the different parts is important because it was the last thing on my mind when TRoS happened.

December 20th (the release date) is my birthday. My ass drove up to one of those Reylo-only screenings and I was surrounded by amazing people as I watched a movie that ruined my 35th birthday. Thankfully, I spent it in incomparable company. Thank you to all the hosts and super special thanks to Jen. Not only was she a DtD beta on both, she invited me. Thank you love! You are the reason I still remember that trip with joy.

Side note: I no longer hate TRoS. I've made my peace with it. I'm a far happier person now.

Needless to say, the only Reyloing I did in January of this year was venting frustration. Then I took a few weeks away from the fandom. I'd done my purging into the void. I knew other people still needed the space to vent but I had to get away. Once the toxin is out I couldn't let it back in.

What occurred starting in February of 2020 was a series of situations in which, every time I logged into Twitter I was faced with the kind of vitriol in the fandom that I don't need in my life. Some of it was still TRoS stuff, even as late as May. I'm not judging, I'm just saying, with the world on fire (literally), I didn't need it.

I don't think I have to explain why I've avoided social media like the plague since early this year. I live in America. If you heard anything about our recent President I don't have to explain any further what this year has been like. That has been par for course all over the world.

So here's my secret to happiness. I don't fux with the trolls. Do not engage. Sometimes that means radio silence. I'm breaking that silence because I want you to know 2020 has not destroyed DtD. It's only leveled shit up.

I have pretty much been working on this story consistently since March of this year. I go back and forth with reading, history, documentaries. I'm learning to wield many new weapons. They take time to settle in. DtD is the de-stressor I go to in between the real shit.

Sometime in June I was screwing around with the order of the parts. I had worked out the end but I was trying to bridge the gap between the ending I was certain I needed to get to and the two beginning stories I'd already published. I couldn't bridge the gap. It had been a year since I published Read Between and it wasn't working. Then I had an epiphany.

What if I got rid of Mistrust? Read Between is a pretty blank slate. I didn't want to re-write it and I still don't. I have no intention of getting rid of Part 1. I may clean it up and add some stuff at the very last minute, but it will be right before the new stuff drops as a pre-cursor to the flood of subsequent stories. I may add a few new clues or alter a scene or two, but I have plenty of room to move with it exactly the way it is.

What does that mean for Mistrust Goes Both Ways? To make a long story short, there was no good way for me to continue with what I'd published and still write the story in my head. I'm sure there are cool places to take the existing story, but that's not what I'm trying to do. In truth, I should have left 1 and not published 2 when I hit a snag. Lesson learned.

In June I basically threw Mistrust out and asked myself, "Now what?" I have months of great ideas rife for reshuffling and no restrictions on how to bridge the gap from 1 to the ending I wanted. But the end had shifted.

That brings us up to speed. The last thing I did before taking a much needed break was get through 90% of the history in my accordion outline/draft. I poured the foundation that was missing. I walked away in early October and let it set. I'm going to button up this other fic I'm working on and then go back to DtD and check the foundation I laid.

I'm very confident that not only will it hold, but that with fresh eyes and the fun side stories I've had the chance to lay to rest, I will finally be able to start building the finished products on top of it.

IN CONCLUSION

I'm still as excited as I've ever been for this story. It frustrates me all the time, but that means the medicine for my soul is working its magic. Change it painful, but pain is transformative. I've embrace changed. That ache is just a sign the muscles are getting stronger. Growing pains. As I learn to live with them in my family, my country, and my job, I find that life's lesson's often end up reflecting in every place in our life if we but open our eyes to look.

Growing pains exist in my writing process too. They are as transformative in this corner of my life as they are in every other. They have revealed as much about me as a person in my writing as they have in my politics. They have taught me how to compromise with my family as I learn to compromise with my characters. As I consider how people treat each other I am reminded that struggles in understanding our fictional counterparts may shine a light on our struggles to understand our truer selves.

Take care of yourselves. Once you've got that covered, if you can, take care of each other. Feel free to poke me and say hi. If not, until next month.

Fari.

#deceive the deceiver #reylo #reylo fanfic #reylo fan fiction #modern au #spy au #fan fic #fan fiction

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motleyfuckingcruee · 5 years

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I Think I'm Okay (Vince Neil x Reader)

Part 1

Summary:

You are hooked on hard drugs and you can't seem to escape them. You meet Vince at a party that your friend is throwing. He sees that you're struggling, and can kind of sympathize with you. He tries to help you in every way he can

Warnings:

Drugs, fluff, language, suicidal thoughts

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!! PLEASE SEND THEM IN!

THIS WILL ALSO BE A SHORT SERIES!!!

MOST OF MY ONE SHOTS ARE BASED OFF OF SONGS SO I WILL START LINKING THEM:

I Think I'm Okay

COMMENT IF YOU WANT TO BE ON A TAGLIST! OR GO TO MY BIO TO ADD YOURSELF TO ONE!

You do two lines of blow. You rub your nose afterwards, feeling the high hitting you. You feel like you can run a marathon. The music and the grinding, sweaty bodies are only background noise. The only thing you can hear is the frantic beating of your heart and every breath you take. You feel the couch dip beside you.

You almost expected it to be your best friend letting you know it's time to leave. Instead you find a gorgeous blonde man looking into your (E/C) eyes. Your eyes start to unfocus the longer you stare at him. You watch his mouth start moving, almost as if he's talking. Then his voice finally floats to meet your ears.

"Did you hear me?" He asks, laughing at you.

You shake your head. "Nahh, I didn't," You slur. You can't help but think about how beautiful he looks.

"I said, 'I'm Vince Neil and you're way too pretty to be sitting here all alone," He repeats, a smirk on his face.

You don't even blush at his words like you would if you were the tiniest bit sober. "I'm (Y/N) and you're way too sexy to be at this place," You respond. You aren't even sure if that made any sense.

"You're wasted aren't you?" Vince asks, his whole demeanor changing.

He went from "I'm going to try to fuck you" to "Do you need me to get you anything? Cuddles?" in the matter of two seconds.

"I might be a little," You answer, leaning into him without meaning too.

You've already shot up some blow not even an hour before. You're feeling pretty good right now. You highly doubt that you're going to remember Vince's name, or that this conversation even happened.

Vince starts talking again, but you don't hear him. You can only feel the vibrations coming from his body. You just realize that your laying on his chest. He's si comfty and warm. You just need to close your eyes for a few minutes. Yeah, just a few minutes is a all you need......

----

You wake up in an unfamiliar room and a pounding headache. You groan.

Where the hell am I? What the fuck happened?

The door opens, revealing a tall blonde man. You furrow your eyebrows. He looks familiar.

"Good, you're awake," He says, coming over to sit on the edge of the bed. You look at him with a confused expression on your face. "You don't remember me, do you?"

You smile, your face heats up from embarrassment. "You look familiar. I just can't remember your name."

"Glad to know you at least recognize me," Vince chuckles, looking down at his lap.

He really is gorgeous. You don't know what it is about him. He's just.....wow.

"Would you mind filling me in on what the fuck happened last night?" You ask, swinging your legs over the side of the bed. Your bare feet hit the cold hardwood floor. You don't remember taking your shoes off, but then again you don't remember anything from the night before.

"I started to talk to you, and then you passed out," Vince explains calmly.

"God, I didn't come onto you before I passed out, did I?" You ask. Your cheeks turn a deep shade of red.

Vince laughs. "You did say I was sexy." You bury your face in your hands. "But, to be fair, I called you pretty."

Your eyes widen. This gorgeous man called you pretty?

He' probably only saying that to make you feel better, That pesky little voice says.

"Y-You did?" You stutter, feeling even more embarrassed.

You get embarrassed a lot. The only time you don't blush every time a guy says a word to you is when you're drunk or high. . . .which is most of everyday now.

"Of course I did," Vince smiles. "I have to say, you're even more gorgeous now that I'm sober."

"You were high last night too?" You ask.

Vince shakes his head. "Nope. I was a bit buzzed from the whiskey, but that was it." He pauses, thinking over his next words. "You were high?"

You nod, feeling ashamed for some reason. What does it matter what this guy thinks of you? It doesn't, but it really matters to you for whatever reason. "I shot up some blow along with snorting it."

"You shoot up?" Vince asks, his face filled with worry.

"I don't need your sympathy or a lecture, alright? I know it's killing me, but I need it to be normal. I've been on it for so long," You explain, hoping you don't sound like a psychopath.

That's how you feel sometimes when you're off blow for even a few hours. You feel crazy. You feel like you're completely losing your mind, but no one seems to notice. It's not like you have many people that care for you anyways.

Vince sighs. "I just don't want you to ruin yourself, (Y/N)."

"Why are you acting like we've known each other for years? We haven't. We just met ladt night. A meeting I don't even remember!" You exclaim, throwing your hands up.

"I don't know what it is, but I care for you," Vince answers.

You know you're overreacting. You know you need to calm down. You take a few deep breaths, running your fingers through your hair. For some reason that always calms you.

"I'm sorrry," You nearly whisper. "You've taken me in and made sure I didnt end up dead somewhere because I was too fucked up to think straight. Thank you for that, by the way."

"It's no problem," He answers, grinning at you.

You sigh. "I guess I better get going."

"No!" Vince almost yells as you move to get up. You jump, staring at him. His face turns red as he realizes that he scared you. "Stay for breakfast. Please?"

You grin. You really like this guy. He's the sweetest man to be in your life since. . . .well he's the sweetest guy that's ever been in your life ever. "Alright."

Vince leads you down the stairs and into a grand kitchen. It's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen and probably the most expensive.

Vince makes you both breakfast. He would constantly look up at you, then look down when you'd catch him looking. It was like you were in high school again. Like you're having your first crush.

As you and Vince ate, he told you about his band, Mötley Crüe. You've heard their stuff before and they're really good. Vince has a great voice. You didn't even know it was him until now.

You managed to keep Vince talking about himself for the entire time you both ate. You really didn't want to talk about yourself. You just know as soon as you tell him about your past he'll leave. That's what they all do.

You both finish up eating, and you decide it's time for you to go. You take a peek outside and immediately know where you're at. It'll be a thirty minute walk back to your shitty apartment.

Vince walks you to the door with a huge grin on his face.

"I'll see you around," You say, opening the door.

"Wait!" He says, and you turn to face him. "Do you want to go out with me later this week? I'll be free on Friday."

"Yeah, sure," You say without hesitating. You mentally slap yourself for sounding so desperate.

"Great!" He says, his eyes lighting up. He hands you a slip of paper. "Call me later."

You nod. "Bye Vince."

"Bye, (Y/N)."

You walk out onto the porch. You look down at the paper. A grin pulls at your lips. You start to walk home.

Halfway there, the craving comes back. The need to get some blow. You start to sweat and you feel your hands get clammy.

Funny. With Vince you didn't even think about blow. Or any of the other drugs you take on a daily basis.

Maybe Vince will be the person to save you.

Tags:

All fics: @the--blackdahlia @sugar-content @sharon6713 @siliwanoel @charlyallise

Vince: @moon-beame

#motley crue #classic rock #rock #rocknroll #rock music #rockband #vince neil #fanfic #fanfiction #reader #reader insert #vince neil x reader #vince x reader

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wildernessuntothemselves · 7 years

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Manspreading (Part 3)

Word Count: 9k Summary: “Don’t bring the dog into this. He’s young and he doesn’t need this kind of stuff pushed on him. He’ll grow up to have issues.” “Very funny, Tae. You’re a real funny guy. You know what else is funny? Your chances of sleeping in the same bed as me this month.”

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4, Epilogue It wasn’t at all unusual for you to wake up smothered by the sixty-two kilograms of pure heat and clinginess that was Kim Taehyung. What was unusual however was how inappropriately naked the both of you were at the moment, and the suspiciously hard thing pressing against your side. You’ve been awake for a good while now having an internal breakdown and devising increasingly elaborate plans to get yourself out of Taehyung’s loving death-grip. You wonder if you could slip out of his arms for a quick reprieve in the shower before you have to really face him, because right now you couldn’t think very clearly when he was so close to you and his addicting scent was bombarding your brain. He was always a heavy sleeper, and you figured you had a fairly good chance of slipping away without waking him up. When your eyes opened up and met his entirely too awake ones, you nearly jumped out of your skin.

A screech escapes you and you struggle to get out of his hold, which only causes him to hold on to you tighter. “Whoa, hey, calm down. It’s just me.” His attempt to calm you down only sends you further into frenzy. You’re very much aware who exactly is in bed with you, that’s the fucking problem. His arms were around your bare breasts and the more you struggled, the more his dick rubbed against your naked body so you stopped moving entirely. “Um, Tae, could you please give me some space. You’re kinda…” You trailed off, hoping he would catch on, but all he gave you was a puzzled look, thick eyebrows knitted together and lips puckered in an adorable pout. Damn, was he always this kissable? You shake your head, “You’re poking me with your dick, Tae.” You could’ve been less blunt about it but you needed to snap yourself out of this as much as him. Taehyung’s eyes widen and you imagined that you could see the exact path of the blood vessels as they opened up to flush his face red. He jumps back and cowers into the covers so that only his eyes and the top of his hair are seen. “Sorry” He mumbles. You cover yourself with the sheets as well and reach out a hand to smoothen his messy bedhead. The color of his face gradually turn back to that golden bronze you love so much. “Tae, we need to talk.” You cringe at how cliché that sounded. Great, couldn’t you have chosen a more beaten-to-the-ground opener to start the talk that would break your best friend’s heart? Taehyung got up immediately, forgetting all about decency, “That doesn’t sound good.” “It isn’t, but I need to say it.” “No, you don’t. We don’t have to say anything.” “Tae, listen to me.” You sighed. “No, you listen to me. I know what you’re going to say. You’re gonna say that this was a mistake and that we should just pretend it never happened. That we’ve been best friends for years and we’d be fools to risk losing that for something that might not even work out. That all friends who cross that line think they’re gonna make it. They think they won’t allow themselves to be torn apart like many others before them, that it’s never gonna be them, that their love is strong enough… but they end up losing everything in the end all the same.” “That’s… exactly what I was going to say.” You were impressed. Here you were thinking of how exactly to break it to him and he was already one step ahead of you. Taehyung smiles at you wistfully, “I’m not as much of an idiot as you think I am, pumpkin. I listen.” You open your mouth to protest but you remember his request and close it again. He deserves for you to hear him out. He holds your hand in between his own big and warm ones, “I know you think that I’m just a hopeless romantic and that real life is nothing like my cheesy fantasies but I believe in us. I knew you were the one the moment I saw you.” You rolled your eyes and he hurried to continue, “The more I got to know you the more I became sure of it. We are meant to be together.” “No one is meant to be together, and we’re nothing alike.” “Opposites attract” “Yes, but they’re like fire and gasoline. They burn quickly and die quickly. Now people with similarities, those are the ones who last. Those are the ones who can build lasting relationships together.” “We’ve been friends for almost two decades.” He protested. “Yes, but friendship is one thing and relationships are a whole other thing, I could disagree with you on most everything and the friendship might still work but a romantic relationship is not as forgiving.” “Ok, fine, how about this... Do you love me?” You sighed, “Tae, It’s not a matter of love.” “It’s a one word answer, pumpkin, yes or no?” It was redundant for him to even ask you that. You said it with every look that you gave him, with every smile that he drew from your cynical lips, with every embrace with which he made you feel like there never existed a single human being who was ever loved more than he loved you. “Yes” “And I love you. Now tell me, will you really be able to end this today and go on with the rest of your life without wondering, every single day, what would’ve happened if you’ve just given us a chance?” Your eyes welled up with tears. He was right. Deep down you always knew this day would come, but all the years you had to prepare for it did nothing to quell that fear of something that was more terrible than monsters in your closet and more real than your fear of failure, “No, but I just don’t want to lose you.” “Pumpkin,” Taehyung cupped your tear-stained face in his hands and bent down to press a sweet kiss to your wet lips, “You’ll never lose me. I promise.”

The first days of your relationship were among the most nerve-racking of your life. It felt like you were a bride, all dressed up in your whites and standing on a curb with an ominous puddle lying just in front of you on the concrete, just waiting for a car to pass by to ruin your best day. Taehyung was ever the optimistic ray of sunshine he always was. He wasn’t dissuaded at all by your bleak prophecies. He was excited enough for the both of you… and maybe for a few other people as well. Having had no experience with dating before, he often surprised you –or rather scared and shocked you- with several grand gestures of love or meticulously planned over-the-top dates that he seemingly pulled out of a romcom marathon. After you’d confronted him about it one day, he admitted that that was exactly the case. You got so caught up in his strange antics and forced escapades that, for a while, you forgot about your perceived doomed fate. And when month passed and that car never came and your white dress remained as crisp and spotless as ever, you started thinking that maybe the reason you have such a hard time seeing eye to eye with Taehyung was because your stance is just as extreme as his. Maybe the real world lies somewhere in between your opposite ends of the scale, and one day you might be able to meet halfway and build on the strong foundation of love and trust a love that can really last. Well that was the plan anyway, until Park fucking Jimin stepped into your lives and stole your boyfriend from you. He slithered his way into Taehyung’s heart and charmed the socks off of him, and now he had Taehyung wrapped around his freakishly tiny finger. OK, so you may be exaggerating a little bit. Taehyung and Jimin are just friends and if you had met Jimin under any other circumstances you would’ve gushed about how he was a total sweetheart and thought he was downright lovely, but that wasn’t the case, and the fact remained that he was hogging up all of Taehyung’s time and leaving barely anything for you. Sure, Taehyung The Boyfriend remained. The one who gave you gentle kisses, took you out on fun (and no longer fantastical) dates, and made your nights so much sexier than they’ve ever been… but Taehyung The Best Friend was making fewer appearances each day and that pissed you off. Taehyung was your best friend for years upon years before that scheming goblin came along, but now suddenly he was the favorite? That was unacceptable. You can’t just steal someone’s best friend. There has to be an unwritten cosmic rule against or something. You turn around on the couch and press you face against the pillow you were resting your head on, using it as a muffling device to tone down your screams of frustration and anger. Fuck Jimin for stealing your best friend and fuck Taehyung for letting him. Speaking of the devil, Taehyung throws your apartment door open and proclaims dramatically, “Baby, I’m home.” And then he giggles, “God, I love saying that word. I will never get tired of it.” He says before he runs over and jumps on you, crushing you underneath him. “Ugh, Tae, get off!” Your voice was barely heard as his weight almost collapsed your chest in, and you considered the possibility that you might die one day from his uncontrollable affection. “Hmm, let me think.” He taps a finger on his chin in mock contemplation, “Nope!” He grabs you and smothers you in kisses like an excited puppy. You wanted to give in to him; he was so adorable it actually hurt, but you were too grumpy now for his cutesy display so you do the only thing that would actually get him off: you knee him in the groin. All breath whooshes out of him and he falls back screaming. “Oh stop being so dramatic” You roll your eyes. You didn’t even hit him that hard. He gives you a betrayed look and says, “Dramatic? You might have just broken my family jewels. How are we gonna have children? We’re gonna have to buy some random dude’s sperm now.” “God, you’re such a drama queen, and I don’t want your stupid kids anyway, but maybe Jimin does.” You huff and grab your phone, half-heartedly scrolling through your social media. “We’ve talked about it, but he wants to adopt. He says that it would be a tragedy to bring more children into this world when there are already so many who need homes. Isn’t he a sweetheart?” He bats his eyelashes at you, trying to provoke you, but you would never fall down to his level. “Isn’t he a sweetheart” You repeat in an exaggerated imitation of his voice. Well there goes your dignity. Taehyung stares at you in amusement for a second then says dismissively “Anyway… let’s go out! They built a new ride down at the amusement park and I’m dying to try it out.” “Why don’t you ask your boyfriend?” You resolutely continue staring unseeingly at the screen of your phone. He groans and plucks it out of your hands. “Hey give it back!” You reach for it but he gets up and holds it out of your reach. You stand up on the couch to reach it but he moves away. Without really thinking it through you find yourself jumping on his back, “Quit it, you jerk. Give me my phone back.” “Not until you say yes!” He says out of breath and struggling against your wiggling weight on his back. “Well now I won’t.” You seethe. This was definitely not the right way to go about convincing you to do something. You would never reach the phone this way, his arm was longer than yours so you think of another way to get it; you bite down on the skin of his shoulder that was exposed by the “fashionable” alterations he always cut through his sweaters. He grunts in pain and drops the phone, and you immediately unmount and grab it from the floor, checking it for any cracks. “What the fuck, I can’t believe you actually did that. This is so not the way I imagined you biting me.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you suggestively and you shot his innuendo down with a glare. “Jesus, and you’re calling me dramatic. This is why I always choose Jimin over you. You’re never any fun.” He complains but when he sees the genuine hurt in your eyes he quickly backtracks, “Joking, it’s just a joke.” He approaches you and tries to hold you in his arms.

You evade his hands, “No, you’re right. You should’ve asked him instead of me, you’ll have more fun together.”

This would be the part where he would normally stumble over his words trying to make you feel but instead silence fills the room. You look up to see Taehyung scratching the back of his head and kicking at the carpet and realization dawns on you.

“Oh my god, you asked him already, didn’t you? Unbelievable!” You turn around and head for your room, fully intending to lock yourself up and away from his face before you punch him, but he rushes before you and blocks the door.

“No, no, it’s not what you think.”

“Tae, you better get out of the way or not being able to have children will be the least of your concerns.”

“Just listen to m—“

“No! You know what?” You cut him off and poked a finger at him. “We haven’t had quality time alone together for weeks and when you finally think ‘Hey, maybe I should go out with this woman I call my girlfriend’ you decide to bring Jimin?! I have had it with you.”

“Ow! OK first of all quit poking.” He moves your hand away, and rubs his sore chest. “Second of all, I’m doing this for you, for us.”

You snort and turn away. What a load of crap. But he uses the hand he is still holding to turn you back around to face him. “Why don’t you ever listen to me?!” Taehyung says, exasperated. “I invited you both because I want you to get along. You’ve hated his guts since the moment you met him. I understand that you’re jealous but you’ve never even given him a chance, and honestly at this point you’re just being childish.”

Embarrassment descends heavily on you and flushes your face with shame, the heat bubbling the water in your eyes and threatening to spill hot tears over your cheeks. Taehyung, the guy who for all intents and purposes was still a six year old, was calling you childish, and the worst part was that he was right. He just didn’t understand your reasons and you were too ashamed to tell him.

Taehyung doesn’t notice the hundred-miles gaze in your eyes and you’re thankful for that. “I love you, ___. You’re the most important person in my life. Jimin is new but he’s quickly becoming someone I really treasure. I can’t have the love of my life hate someone so precious to me. So will you please give him a chance? I’m sure if you do, if you just open up your heart to him, you will absolutely adore him.”

Taehyung waits for your answer but when you take too long, he cups your face and makes you look at him, “Pumpkin?”

“Fine.”

“Yay!” Taehyung gushes and attacks your face with a kiss. “But when we meet up with Jimin later, can you maybe not look like someone who is expecting a date with the grim reaper?”

You give him an unamused smile. “Aw babe, don’t be like that. One day you’ll find your special someone too.”

“You little bitch” You scoff, “Are you the same guy who was begging me to date him in the first place?”

“I wasn’t begging.” Taehyung flushes.

“You were, and not just that one time. ‘Ooohhh, ___, You feel sooo gooood. Give me more, please. I need you, baby pleeease!’” You lowered your pitch and moaned out loudly.

“I don’t sound like that, and don’t pretend like you didn’t enjoy it too.” Taehyung protested but his cheeks were inflamed.

“Eh, you were alright.”

“Alright?!” If Taehyung was a cartoon character, smoke would be shooting out of his ears right about now. In all honesty, you loved sex with Taehyung. He wasn’t the most experienced partner but the intimacy was real and there were years’ worth of sexual tension that still hasn’t dissipated. “I’ll show you ‘alright’.”

He shoves you against the wall and devours your scream of surprise in an open-mouthed kiss. Well, this is new. Taehyung was never this forward before. He prods your mouth with his tongue but you refuse to let him in. If he wants to “win” this, you weren’t going to make it easy for him. Plus this was so much more fun. He makes a small sound of annoyance in the back of his throat then he starts moving towards your neck, his tongue making up for the rejection earlier.

“Baby…” He whispered in your ear, all airy and lustful, and you knees get weak. He was doing that on purpose; he knew what that does to you, but two could play at this game. You wound your fingers in his hair and tugged, knowing how much he likes that, and took the moment’s reprieve to attack him with your mouth. You couldn’t reach his neck so you went for his collarbone, sucking on it harshly. His head fell on your shoulder and he moaned into your neck, this time involuntarily. You smirked as it occurred to you that because of Taehyung’s fashion choices his collar bone is frequently visible, so you set about marking it.

By the moans that were coming from him you thought you had him, but then he suddenly groped your breast. You don’t wear bras at home so the only barrier between your sensitive nipple and his hand was the thin material of the shirt you stole from him, and he took that to his full advantage, his large hand engulfing your entire breast and squeezing it. Your mouth finally leaves his collarbone as you moan and he takes the opportunity to kiss you again, slipping his tongue in your mouth without any resistance from you, but not for the reason he thinks.

While he is distracted with the kiss, you slip you hand between your bodies, which was easy to do since Taehyung was careful not to get too close to you, or he might get weak. You massage him through his pants, and thank the stars for Taehyung’s aversion to jeans because he just made this so much easier for you.

He broke away from you with a groan, “You’re cheating.”

“How am I cheating?” You tease, tongue sticking out. He gets distracted by it and takes it between his lips, sucking on it before he pulls back with an adorable whine. “I don’t know you just are.”

“Fine, if this is how you want to play…” He slides his hand between your legs and under your panties, spreading the wetness gathered there and rubbing you slowly, leaving you gasping.

“Your pussy is so fucking wet from just a little kissing. You can’t tell me I don’t get you weak, doll.”

You tried. You really tried so hard not to do it. Taehyung’s fingers felt really good between your legs but you couldn’t take his dirty talk with a straight face, and you burst out laughing. Taehyung flinched backed, looking absolutely humiliated.

“Tae, I’m so sorry.”

He removes his hands from you and steps back, “It’s alright. It doesn’t hurt at all to know that the girl I’ve been in love with since preschool thinks I’m so unsexy that doing this stuff with me still makes her laugh. It’s cool.” He shrugs.

“No, you’re sexy. You’re so sexy.”

He scoffs but you continue, cupping his face in your hands and saying, “Your eyes are so sexy when you get horny and you look at me like you want to eat me up, and your lips…” You kiss him. “They’re so soft…” kiss “and when you talk and they get all pouty…” kiss “I could just kiss them all day…” You pull him in for a long kiss that leaves him breathless. “And your body…”

“Yeah?” He shudders, eyes still closed.

“You don’t know how many times I have touched myself to the thought of this body.” You took his shirt off and kissed down his body till you were on your knees. “And this cock…” You pulled his pants down and stroked him. He folded over, steadying himself with his hands on the wall behind you. “I can never see this cock without wanting to ride it until you cream.” You pull him in your mouth, circling your tongue around the tip and stroking the shaft with your hand. He moans and scrunches up his face.

“Look at me, Tae.” You look him in the eye as you swipe his dick over your lips. “I’m at your feet, pussy dripping on the floor just from the sight of your cock. How can you say I don’t think you’re sexy? Maybe this will change your mind.”

You take him as deep into your mouth as you can and give him a tap on the ass, giving him the permission to fuck your mouth. He thrusts slowly, mesmerized by the slide of his dick in and out of your mouth but he soon gets lost in the pleasure and sets a harsher pace. You try to breathe through your nose and relax your throat for him, but he was big and every so often you pulled away for breath, gasping and coughing.

You looked up at him, seeing him breathing heavily and looking at you with a hunger in his eyes that never died down since that first time. You snaked a hand between your legs and used the other one to stroke him, his dick wet from fucking your throat. “You still think you’re not sexy?”

“No, you’re very convincing.” He chocked.

“Don’t blow your load yet. I need this in me.” You gave him a final squeeze and got to your knees, pushing him on the bed and straddling him. You sink down on his length, and lean forward to kiss him, giving yourself a moment to adjust to his size. He grabs the hem of your shirt, but instead of taking it completely off, he pulls the front of it over your head so it was bunched up behind your neck, the sleeves still on your arms.

You give him a quizzical look and he says sheepishly, “I see it in porn all the time. I kinda like it.”

You bite your lip and smirk, “Grab my wrists.”

Taehyung looks confused but he does what you say. You move your hands behind you back with Taehyungs’ holding onto the wrists, “Keep my hands there and fuck up into me, baby.”

Taehyung could’ve cum just from that. You hover a little bit over him and he eagerly bucks up. You moan as he holds your body in place and his dick slides rapidly in and out of you. You didn’t even know Taehyung could thrust that fast, and his hold on your wrists was tight enough to bruise but you didn’t care.

“You feel so good inside of me, Tae. You fit so perfectly. If anything is meant to be it would be your cock and my pussy.”

Taehyung doesn’t appreciate your joke, but that only makes him thrust faster so who was the real winner here? His grip on your wrists was getting loose and you could tell he was close to his orgasm. You didn’t want him to finish before you did so you slipped your hands from his hold and planted them on his chest, bracing yourself as you hopped wildly on his dick, but you quickly realized that this was only getting him closer to release so you gave up, choosing instead to swivel your hips in sharp circles.

Taehyung let out a tortured moan, “Baby, I was almost there.” This must be hard for him. He was so close you could feel him shuddering beneath you, his hands trying to grasp your hips and make you ride him again, but you don’t allow it.

“I’m sorry sweetie, hold on, just a little bit more.” You just needed a little push so you wound your fingers in Taehyung’s hair and pulled him up, pushing his face against your breasts where he immediately got to work, licking and biting.

The slide of his cock against your walls, the brush of your clit against his crotch, and the sweep of his tongue around your nipple flung you into an orgasm that had you seeing not only stars but galaxies.

You continued riding him after you came, tolerating the pain of oversensitivity to give him what he’s just given you. It didn’t take him long to follow you over the edge, and you watched him try to keep his eyes on you even as the orgasm racing through his body fought to close them, until he was looking at you through the smallest slit in between his eyelids.

Was there anything you wouldn’t do to keep this man? No.

You swallowed down all your jealousy and anxiety, or as much of it as you could, and readied yourself to spend an entire day with Taehyung and Jimin. You are going to do great. You’re going to be so much fun to be around that Jimin would look like drying paint in comparison to you. You’re going to prove your fears wrong.

Taehyung is a fucking dork. You’re starting to regret ever befriending him, let alone being stupid enough to go out with him. When the both of you had reached the amusement park and met up Jimin, the atmosphere was a bit tense, not only because you didn’t like the guy but because he was aware of it, and the both of you knew exactly what the purpose of this outing was which put a lot of pressure on you, but you were still prepared to make an effort. You loved Taehyung and you didn’t want to be the cause of any awkwardness between him and his friend. Your goal was to at least learn to tolerate him so Taehyung would be happy. But that giant idiot hit the self-destruct button on himself. He was so eager for the both of you to get along that he took up the entire space with forced conversation and left no room for the natural flow of potential friendship between you and Jimin. He went on and on spouting off inane statements and questions like, “___, is so smart she used to correct the teachers. They used to get so mad at her. Isn’t that hilarious?” or “Jimin is the only son in between four daughters so he’s learned to be very sensitive and he really understands women. Isn’t he the best?” to which the both of you would smile politely and nod. ‘This is a disaster.’ You think to yourself as you stand in an awkward silence next to Jimin while Taehyung attempts to shoot for a prize at a game stand. You pretend to be really preoccupied with what he’s doing so you won’t have to face the awkwardness of making small talk with Jimin. You almost feel sorry for the guy. He is just as uncomfortable as you are, but then you remember that you have no sympathy for friend-stealers. “So um, Tae tell me that you guys have been friends for a really long time.” Jimin breaks the silence and you cringe. You thought you could do it. You thought you could come out, hang out with them and prove that you could have fun and play nice with Jimin, but now all you can think about is how much you’d rather put your head on the bottom of the histriker game and have the rubber hammer replaced with a real one. You gritted your teeth and gave out a “yes”. Not taking the hint, he kept on talking, “You know, Tae talks about you all the time.” “Really?” You smiled brightly. “He is never home anymore but gosh hearing that he talks about me sure is exciting.” You let the smile drop in his face, and you stare at each other tensely for a few second before you’re interrupted by a screaming Taehyung. “I won.” He says happily, waving around two dolls. “One pretty doll for my pretty doll.” He laughs at his own joke and hands it to you, “And one duck for my duck-lipped friend.” He teases. “Thanks, man.” “Whoa, you’re taking it without a fight?” Taehyung laughs and then he looks between the two of you, seeming to finally notice the tension. “Is everything all right?” You exchange a look with Jimin. You couldn’t handle this. All day you’ve tried to like Jimin. It shouldn’t have been hard. He was an objectively great guy, but seeing the way Taehyung acted around him made you realize that your worst fears about yourself were true, and with each passing hour you felt yourself become less and less friendly. You felt ill, from the realization and from the rides. You hated amusement parks. You were always stressed enough as it is, you didn’t need the extra adrenaline, but one look at Taehyung and the downtrodden look on his face, and you knew you would keep going for him. You put on your best smile and said in a peppy voice, “Nothing, we were just talking about how we can’t wait to try the new ride.” Jimin nodded along and Taehyung cheered, “Then, let’s go!”

This was a mistake. A terrible, horrible mistake. This wasn’t a ride, it was a torture device. The twists and turns had you nauseous, your screams of terror were drowned by the pair’s shouts of enjoyment and by the time the ride stopped, you were close to passing out. When the safety belts and harnesses opened up, you jumped down and fell to the ground, dizzy and relieved to finally be on a steady surface. When Taehyung saw you collapse, he almost passed out himself from worry. After sitting down for some time and having your nerves settle down from their down rollercoaster ride, you felt well enough again to function. You wanted to call it a day and go home but you could see that Taehyung, even though he would never say it, really wanted to stay. He rarely got a whole day off like this and he’s been dying to come here for a long time. He must want to go on that ride again. While you could no more put on the “fun” front, you didn’t want to deprive him of his fun, and it’s not like the act was working anyway. So after a dozen times of telling him that you were fine, he finally went away to continue his adventure with Jimin, promising to check back on you often. Which he did… a couple of times in the first hour, but then there was no sign of him. He must have gotten distracted with the games; he had the attention span of a child. Just from looking at the rides, your nausea was beginning to set in again. You called him to tell him that you needed to get home but there was no reply. You called and texted and called again but still nothing. After another hour of silence, you caught a cab and headed home alone, convinced he’d soon realize his fault and come rushing home to find you and cuddle up.

Three hours later there was still no sign of him, and you had broken the wine out. You weren’t supposed to be drinking, especially when you were anxious. It was habit-forming or something, but you couldn’t bear the anxiety gathering in your chest like a swarm of bees, clogging up your windpipe and stinging your heart. The world was spinning too fast around you, so you laid down on the floor hoping it would slow down but all that did was make you feel like your body was being pulled in different directions. Your lungs were held down by gravity and you barely got in breaths big enough to stay alive. Taehyung must be having a blast without you to weigh him down. He had Jimin after all. God, how you hated that name. You’ve never met anyone named Jimin that wasn’t a giant pain in the ass. You hated him so much that if he was standing there in front of you right now, you would smash the wine bottle in his stupid and entertaining face. You’ll even waste alcohol for him, that’s how much he sucked. Or maybe all this anger is just smoke and mirrors meant to hide the terrified girl who is afraid of losing her best friend to someone better. Taehyung and Jimin fit together like a lock and its key, like cookies and milk, like Chandler and Joey, like any fucking thing that was made to fit something else perfectly and doesn’t tolerate a third party. Funny how you and Taehyung are the couple, yet you were always the third wheel in this arrangement. You had sensed it the moment they first interacted. You and Taehyung were together at the national museum, a trip that you had planned to make on your own but that Taehyung insisted on tagging along in, spouting some nonsense about how he can “totally” partake in your interests and that being different doesn’t mean you couldn’t do stuff together. You were so excited to hear him say that. You always thought that the things you liked were boring to him because… well, because he often told you so, but now he was making an effort to get involved in them, and you couldn’t be happier. You were always the one who had to do the stuff that he liked, not that you ever told him that, and now he was finally reciprocating. Taehyung was finally maturing. Of course, you must have been thinking of alternate universe Taehyung because your Taehyung couldn’t handle forty-five minutes of the tour before he threw a fit. When he had whined for the 6th time about how “No one gives a crap, they’re all dead anyway”, you didn’t get a chance to chastise him because your bickering was interrupted by a stranger. “I know! I’ve been contemplating breaking the glass case and impaling myself on that spear just to get a single reaction out of that monotonous monument.” A short, chubby-cheeked guy said referring to your guide, “No offense to the actual statues.” Taehyung’s laughter rang out in the quiet section and bounced off the still relics of ancient times, imparting them with a split-second touch of life before he was promptly hushed by the severe-looking and frowning guide. “Whoops, you’ve angered it now.” Taehyung said and they both chuckled under their breaths. You scrutinized the pair as they exchanged names and started chatting amiably like two children who have just met on the playground and discovered that they both liked the same superhero. Something in your chest constricted painfully at the thought but you quickly dismissed it, choosing to try to shut up the chatty couple, “Guys, I actually want to pay attention here.” They made a face at you and started moving someplace else where they could talk. You watched their retreating forms and a heaviness settled on your heart at how easily Taehyung abandoned you. Maybe it was stupid, after all they had only just met and the bored Taehyung would’ve jumped on anything that was even slightly entertaining to escape the historical prison you loved so much, but it still hurt. Your train of despairing thoughts was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and slamming shut and pounding footsteps heading for your door. The door-handle jerked furiously up and down, indicating that the person behind it was trying to come in. “____! ____, baby, open the door. I’m so sorry. Please, open the door.” You stayed silent, hoping he would think you were asleep already and leave you alone. You couldn’t face him right now. If you opened the door to him and allowed him to talk to you, you might end up doing something stupid like say how you really feel, and you didn’t want that because what if it turned out to be true? No, you couldn’t handle it. “I know you’re not sleeping. You can never sleep when you’re anxious, and I know you’re really anxious right now, and I’m the jerk who made you feel this way. I’ll do anything to make it up to you, baby, just let me see you. Let me know that you’re OK.” There was no way to trick him, he knew you too well. He never stops knocking on the door; his fists must be bruised by now. You don’t know if his knocks have gotten louder or if your reeling brain is amplifying the noise but it feels like he is pounding on your skull and you don’t think you could bear it much longer. You stumbled to the door and threw it open. “Look it’s my loving boyfriend who finally remembered my existence.” You threw your hands out and the bottle dropped from your hand and shattered on the floor, painting your legs and the carpet red, but you paid it no mind and slurred on, “The light of my life, the shine to my stars.” “Are you drunk?” Taehyung exclaimed and rushed to you, dragging you away from the glass shards. “You’re not supposed to drink. The counselor said your anxiety makes you liable for addiction. You told me you weren’t going to drink again.” “Are you disappointed in me? Did I promise you something and then went back on my word? Do you feel let down? Gee, I wonder how that feels like.” You mocked. “I trusted you, Taehyung. I knew you had the ability to hurt me more than anyone else in the world but I still opened up to you, and you betrayed me.” “Pumpkin, I know what I did was wrong but don’t you think you’re blowing things out of proportion here?“ He said, not understanding your behavior. “You forgot about me for five hours to go play with your friend.” “You said it was okay.” “You said you’ll check up on me.” You fumed. “Something could’ve happened to me. I could’ve been lying dead in a ditch somewhere.” “Don’t say that.” He shrank away as if he could physically get away from the idea. “Is it because you already had me?” “What?” Taehyung didn’t know how to respond to the strange question. “You’ve had a crush on me since preschool, right? And over the years, you must have built up this fantasy version of what it would be like to date me, a version I can never live up to, and now that you have me you’re underwhelmed by how much it doesn’t compare to your imagination. So you can’t stand being around me anymore and you spend all your time with Jimin.” You explained, going off like a mad scientist. “What? No, what are you talking about!” “Or, or maybe I was just something that you needed to get out of your system. You’ve befriended me all these years so you could have me and now that you did, you have no use for me anymore.” “OK, sweetie, you’re losing it here. That’s not it at all. I love you, I still do and I always will.” “Then what?” “What?” “You just said ‘that’s not it’, then there must be an ‘it’. What is it?” “No, no there is no it. There was never an it.” Taehyung’s babbled. If you were sober, you wouldn’t have missed the way his face paled and sweat beaded at his hairline. “It’s just… it’s because Jimin is new, and you know how friendships are always exciting and fun when they’re new, but what you and I have is so much deeper. We might not have that need to see each other all the time like with Jimin but it’s more solid and stable.” “New?” You contemplated. “Yes, exactly, new.” Taehyung engulfed you in his arms. “New…” “Yeah, see, there is nothing for you to worry about.” He tucked a hair behind your ear, which did nothing to tame the wild mane you made with your hands, and lifted your chin to make you look at him. “I got it!” You exclaimed and he jumped from the sudden shriek. “We should take a break.” “A break, why?” He sputtered, not able to keep up with your whirlwind you were putting him through. “If the reason why you’re bored of me is because we’ve known each other for a long time and we’re always together then we should take a break so you’d miss me again.” You said in a happy tone as if you’d just suggested going out for ice cream. “I’m not bored of you! I love you. This is completely ridiculous.” “Yeah, yeah, you love me whatever. I’ll just be gone for a couple of weeks.” You wave your hand dismissively and turn your back to him, heading for your room. He reaches out to stop you, “No, I didn’t agree to this!” “You’re right. You’re completely right. I shouldn’t leave, that’s stupid” You smack your head, laughing. Taehyung laughs along, thinking that you’ve come to your senses. “You should leave. If you like Jimin because he’s new then you should go and spend more time with him so he won’t be new anymore and you’ll love me again.” You shrieked, eyes going scarily wide and ran for his room. By the time he caught up to you, you already had his suitcase out and were rummaging through his closet. He tries calling your name a couple of time but you don’t acknowledge him so he shouts, startling you and making you drop the clothes you were holding. “Ugh, Tae, you scared me.” You giggle then pick the clothes right up and put them in the suitcase. He moves in front of you and corners you between himself and the bed, “Sweetie, sweetie, hey! You’re being a little cuckoo here. Let’s just calm down and go to sleep.” He speaks slowly. “We’ll take about this tomorrow when you’re sober… and not a certified lunatic.” “I can’t wait that long. I want my Taetae back.” Your grab his head to try to kiss him but you’ve lost all sense of dexterity a bottle ago and you end up smashing his nose against your forehead. “Oh fuck,” Taehyung grabs his nose, eyes watering. “I’m so sorry.” You say with an exaggerated gasp and try to touch him again. “No, it’s alright. Stay there.” He backs away from you, “Hey, I know what would make this better, a gift! I got something for you on the way here.” You eye him skeptically, “If you’re bluffing just to get me to let this go then it won’t work.” Your face splits into a stupid, drunken smile. “I love you more than any gift.” You try to kiss him but he rushes to the door. “No, really I got you something you’ll absolutely love. Wait here.” He pounds to the entrance of the apartment and you hear the sound of the door being thrown open. You wait for some time before you got bored and followed him. “Tae, you’re wasting precious tim— what is going on?“ You found Taehyung dashing back and forth erratically from the apartment to the hallway seemingly looking for something. “OK, don’t get mad at me but I lost it.” “How can you lose a gift? It must be right where you left it. It’s not like it sprouted legs and started walking around.” The mental image of a gift box with human legs walking around made your inebriated self crack up. “It’s kind of an animate gif.” He cringes away from you, “I got a puppy.” “You what?!” “I see how you always stop to pet dogs on the street and how you gush over them so I thought getting you one would make you happy… but I guess not.” Taehyung was digging out imaginary dirt from under his nails and not looking at you directly. “See, this is exactly what I’m talking about. Dogs are living beings that need constant care and love. They’re not something you gift someone so they won’t be mad at you anymore. God, you are such a child.” You pinched the bridge of your nose. You were so angry you were starting to get a headache already but at least it was sobering you up. You push him out of the way and started looking for that poor dog. He must he so scared right now, alone and in such an unfamiliar place. Taehyung followed you like a second shadow, babbling any combination of sweet sentences that might get you to forgive him. “I’m sorry, pumpkin, I’m an idiot. You’ve always been the brains of this relationship, that’s why I need you. Please don’t be mad at me. I’ll take him back first thing in the morning.” “Shut up, Tae.” “No, really I fucked up and I’m—“ You clamp your hand over his mouth and hush him. You listen closely, and you hear the faint yapping sound again. It was coming from inside the apartment. You follow the sound to see that it originated from under the couch. Shinning a torch under the crack, you see the small brown-black mass of fur huddling in on itself. “Taehyung, lift the couch up.” He does what you say and you reach under it quickly and grab the puppy. “Aw, you poor little thing, did the bad, irresponsible man hurt you?” You cradled him in your arms and showered him in kisses. Taehyung kneeled next to you and patted the puppy, “Tell the nice lady that you’re fine. We were just having a little game of hide and seek you and I.” You slapped his hand off, “Don’t touch him. Haven’t you done enough?” You got up and headed for your room, Taehyung hot on your heels. “Don’t be like that, baby. I said I’m sorry.” “Did you hear that? He said he’s sorry, so everything is all better now. It doesn’t matter that he forgot about me for hours and that he lost you and put your life in danger. He said he’s sorry so it’s all okay now!” “Don’t bring the dog into this. He’s young and he doesn’t need this kind of stuff pushed on him. He’ll grow up to have issues.” “Very funny, Tae. You’re a real funny guy. You know what else is funny? Your chances of sleeping in the same bed as me this month.” “But I can’t sleep without you. I get scared.” He says referring to his childhood fear of the monsters under his bed. A fear that he quickly outgrew but has used as an excuse to continue sleeping in your bed as kids, and now he is using it to get you to go easy on him, and it’s working. “And you can’t sleep without me, not when you’re this anxious. We can take a time out and cuddle and I will play with your hair and sing you to sleep and it will all be better.” He cupped your cheek, softly caressing it and you found yourself unconsciously leaning into his touch. “No, I’m mad at you. You cuddles will feel like an iron maiden to me. An iron maiden!” You try to push him out and shut the door in his face but he was much stronger than you, especially in your current state. You grab random stuff from around your room and throw it in his direction, books and pens missing him by a wide margin. “Get out.” You scream but he just heads towards you, the closer range allowing you to get some actual hits in before he scoops you up in his arms and lays you on the bed. The moment your head touched the pillows, all strength went out of you. You were too tired to fight any longer, he would win anyway. You went to sleep that night with the puppy nuzzling into you front the front and Taehyung cuddling you from behind like his life depended on it.

Something wet and sloppy was lathering up and down your face. You backed away from the gross smell, but the moment you opened your eyes, bombs exploded inside your skull. You threw your arm over your eyes, shielding them from the assault of the much too bright light coming from the windows. Did a nuclear bomb just explode or something? The bed shifted as the warmth that was engulfing you disappeared. There was a rustling in the room before the light was mercifully cut off. More rustling ensued then the bed dipped down and someone removed your arm from over your eyes. Taehyung sat on the bed with a cup of water and a pill in his hand, “Here, take this. It’ll help with the headache.” You took them from his hand and swallowed the pill gratefully, emptying the rest of the cup to try to fight off the dehydration. Taehyung watched you cautiously, eyes and mouth wide with his signature blank stare. You cleared your throat and said, “I’m gonna go get something to feed the puppy. He must be starving.” “No, that’s okay. I fed him earlier and even cleaned up after the mess he made.” Taehyung made a disgusted face and you laughed despite yourself. He looked back at you, eyes sparkling with hope. “Then I guess there is no need for me to get out of bed.” “What about your lectures?” Taehyung asked. “I’m too tired and it’s too cozy under this blanket to leave it and go face the bad, bad world outside.” You pouted, snuggling deeper into the covers. Taehyung smiled, half happy that you were joking with him again and half nervous because he didn’t know what he was supposed to do now. You saw the struggle on his face as he contemplated whether he should stay or go. Making the decision for him, you pull him under the covers with you. “Will you stay with me?” “Of course,” He gushed, relieved. You smiled and nuzzled your forehead into his neck. He put his hand on your back, drawing wide invisible circles on it, making you hum contently. “I’m sorry.” “It’s fine. I was just emotional from the stress of the rides.” “No, I mean about not spending time with you lately.” “Tae… what is really going on?” You said in a whisper, almost hoping he wouldn’t hear you. There was a beat of silence, and then came his answer. “Nothing, I promise. There is nothing to worry about, pumpkin.” He kissed the top of your head. You turned your head up trying to look at him but you couldn’t see his face from this angle. It didn’t feel like nothing, but Taehyung never lied to your before and you weren’t about to start doubting him. “Are you okay?” Taehyung murmured. “Yeah, I am. It’s just…” You thought about just fessing up and telling him what was bothering you, but all you could think about was how pathetic it would sound to him. You always had a way of making a big deal out of the tiniest things and Taehyung was always the one keeping you grounded, but when the issue involved the very foundation of your friendship, it wasn’t as easy to just speak up. What if it just made things awkward between the both of you? You pushed it to the back of your mind and went with the next best thing. ”I’m just lonely, I guess. You’re the only real friend I have since preschool and now you have Jimin and suddenly you’re not always there around me anymore. I guess if I had someone too, I wouldn’t be feeling this bad.” You didn’t lie to him. That was the truth, but only a part of it. He pulled you closer and murmured, “You’ll find someone, pumpkin. Any person would be lucky to have you as a friend. I know I am.” Then why are you avoiding me? Those were his words then, but when the time came that you found that friend in Kim Namjoon, Taehyung had completely changed his tune.

Author’s Note: This was pretty disappointing tbh, but hopefully the next chapter will be much better. This is a pretty short series btw so it will only have the next chapter and then the epilogue.

#I can't find the person who made this gif #so if it's you message me and I will credit you #taehyung smut #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #taehyung scenarios #taehyung imagine #taehyung fanfic #taehyung!au #bestfriend!au #bestfriend!taehyung #bts!au #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts imagine #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff

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jaykvwords-blog · 7 years

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“I’ll miss you” Otayuri AU Fic

I saw THIS AU and I fell in love!!! This is also my first ever fic (after YEARS), so I hope it isn’t too bad :) I know I’m a little rusty.

Dedicated to @yurachkat, inspired by her artwork.

Yuratchka Plisetski has been the top student in his class since he began his education. As a child, he excelled, advancing far past his other classmates, skipping a year of school and finishing his secondary education at the age of 17. When it came time to choose a college, Yuri decided he needed a break. He was young. He wanted to travel. He wanted to take it slow, and do what he wanted to do for happiness, he hadn’t really taken the time to “stop and smell the roses.” In his break, he left Moscow to visit the states, where he discovered American universities and it's young people culture. Intrigued, Yuri decided to attend an American university; after all, he had the credentials. After turning 18 the following Spring, he applied to be a transfer student at the University of Detroit for the fall semester. He looked forward to the fall, to further his education and to experience the American college experience.

Otabek Altin was far from Yuri’s level of achievement. Unlike the Russian, the Kazakh struggled in school, at times wanting to give up and just drop out to be a figure skater or something. He loved the ice, it took his mind off the stress of not getting it and the pressures of attending higher education. As a teen, he would travel to Detroit to visit family. Seemingly these were just family vacations, but really, they were meant by his parents to show him the world, in hopes that if he wouldn’t want to go to a school in Kazakhstan, he would want to go somewhere overseas. And he did. He saw the party culture of University of Detroit. He was still young, aged 18, and had barely graduated from his high school, but the desire to go and experience that freedom is what pushed him to apply for the fall semester at the University of Detroit.

...

It was September, and all the young adults were flooding in from all over the country and across seas into their dorms at UD. A few weeks ago, Yuri was asked to apply for a roommate for his dorm. He wasn’t sure what to expect from this, so he marked “no preference” along with the characteristics that he described himself with.

Clean

Doesn’t mind tidying

Gets along well with people

Likes to study

Yuri was a very punctual young man.

So how did he get matched with Otabek Altin, the slacker from Kazakhstan? The young man who marked:

Sometimes dirty

Doesn’t study much

Private personality.

The pair moved into the dorm, but neither protested about their roommate. Instead, Yuri introduced himself and Otabek greeted him with a firm shake of the hand.

Despite each other’s differing personalities, the pair had no issues with each other. Yuri was constantly studying with friends, and running events for the various clubs he had joined. When he returned late at night, Otabek would be out partying with the frat boys, and flirting with the sorority girls; returning to his dorm smelling of alcohol and sex. Both were content with their lives in college. They had their own sense of independence and didn’t get in the way of the other.

Although they didn’t talk, Yuri did enjoy Otabek’s presence. Something about his slacker mentality motivated him to study harder, to continue forth with his education. Yuri didn’t know life without learning, all he knew was that learning was the key to success and happiness.

It seemed that this relationship was symbiotic. Otabek also enjoyed Yuri’s presence. Something about his do-all mentality motivated him to study more, making the most of the time he had at UD. Because of Yuri, Otabek saw that working hard usually paid off in the end.

…

It was in November, after Otabek’s 19th birthday where the two finally exchanged more than two words to each other.

“Okay, Yuri, why do you study so much?” Otabek asked.

Yuri was surprised that Otabek even noticed him. “Getting things done feels good I guess. Why do you party so much?”

Otabek had to think. “Going to parties makes me feel good.”

“What could make you feel good about being around a bunch of drunk Millennials? All it does is make you smell like beer and sex. And you’re 19, you can’t even legally drink!”

Who is this kid, my mom? Otabek thought. “Not everyone is a try-hard like you, kid.”

That left a mark. Otabek realized what he said, and he quickly excused himself to meet with friends. They were somewhat older, college seniors unlike him, a freshman. They welcomed him into their crowd and had planned him a birthday party that night.

That night, Otabek thought about what he said Yuri. He didn’t know where the outburst came from, he knew Yuri was a genius and worked hard to maintain his knowledge. He knew Yuri worked hard, and he secretly admired him for it. He thought about it and saw that Yuri was one reason he was still even in college.

That night, Otabek didn’t drink. He didn’t let a single drop touch his lips. He didn’t want to return to the dorm disoriented. He wanted to be sober enough to face Yuri and apologize. He wanted to talk Yuri for one last time and remember it, before he restored their previous relationship of living in each other’s silent presence.

That night, Otabek paid close attention. These kids were only a few years older than him, and within the next few months or so, they would be graduating and Otabek would be alone. However, he didn’t feel alone… he had Yuri’s presence.

Why was he placing so much importance upon a “kid” who was his polar opposite? A “try-hard,” as Otabek put it? He was never a people person, and he possible just ruined the friendship that could’ve been with the only peer he appreciated and somewhat admired.

He sat during the entire party. Everyone was getting drunk. Everyone was making out. Everyone was having a good time. Why wasn’t he? Maybe he needed the booze. Maybe one sip wouldn’t hurt.

One sip became one shot, one shot became two, and two shots became four. Otabek wasn’t sure how much he drank. He doesn’t remember. He didn’t even remember when he got home last night. Yuri remembered.

…

Yuri was deep into his studies when Otabek returned around 1 AM. His return was anything but quiet in the late night, as he stumbled through the door.

“What are you doing, do you have any idea what time it is right now?!” Yuri shouted.

Otabek’s speech was slurred. He was obviously drunk-- no, he was visibly wasted. “I’m here to study, aren’t I?”

“It’s one in the morning, and you come home like this,” Yuri’s frustration is showing.

“But you are still studying, no? I want to be like you, Yuri, I really wish I were like you,” Otabek drunkenly confesses.

Yuri is surprised by his drunk confession. “Why? I’m a try-hard, according to you.” “But you’re still hard working, and I’m a lazy bum.” Is Otabek crying? He draws out his words and wipes a few tears, “My parents would’ve been so proud of me if i were like you, but here I am, drunk.”

Yuri was touched. He forgave the words and wanted to be the one to help Otabek. But it wouldn’t be fair to Otabek to just be so sweet to him out of nowhere. “Just go to bed,” he told him. Going to his side, Otabek gets in, and Yuri tidies the room before going to bed himself.

…

In the following weeks, Yuri became more patient with Otabek, but also more demanding. It began with asking him to pick up this and that around their dorm, and eventually became kind orders to study. Otabek wasn’t sure why Yuri was bossing him around all of a sudden, but he allowed it anyway.

Eventually, Otabek learned to love studying. Especially with Yuri. Every Monday morning the two went to the university library, for a casual study session. Every Tuesday, they went to the local cafe to just chat about life with each other. Every Wednesday, Otabek tags along with Yuri for the next environmental protest he’s found himself in. Every Thursday, the two go out for some fun with Yuri’s group of friends; usually at the local skate rink. Every Friday, the pair would tune in for a marathon of their favorite shows, treating themselves to a little junk food. Otabek’s motivation was taking a turn for the better.

All this time he spent with Yuri, he felt this connection growing more and more. He wanted to be with Yuri all the time, despite the fact they are together all the time. With Yuri, he didn’t mind studying, and he didn’t mind going to class if it meant he could see Yuri again afterwards. We all need breaks from our best friends sometimes.

…

“What are your plans for these next few weeks?” Otabek asked the blonde.

It is now late December, and Yuri and Otabek have grown closer than they could’ve ever imagined. The time has come for a three week vacation from college life, and Otabek isn’t sure what to do while Yuri is packing to leave the next day.

“I’m definitely going to visit my Grandpa in Moscow,” Yuri replied. “What about you? Are you going anywhere for vacation?”

“No. But I’ll be here, keeping the dorm warm,” Otabek gave a weak smile. He was going to miss Yuri for these next 3 weeks. Even their beds being pushed together barely cheered him up.

“I’ll miss you, Beka.”

Otabek felt a rush of bravery push him into a kiss with Yuri. He pulled away, and hugged Yuri, burying his face into his neck and shoulder. “I’ll miss you too.”

That night, on their beds that were pushed together, sharing one more goodnight kiss, the two boys held each other until it was time for them to separate.

Quick author’s notes:

I made this American college themed because from what I can tell, the college culture is different from that of Australia or the UK (Frats, sororities, etc.) I also have more personal knowledge and didn’t feel it was my place to write about a setting I have no knowledge about.

The last time I wrote a fic was about 3-4 years ago. I know I’m VERY rusty, and I would rather not hear about it.

#otayuri #otayuri fluff #otayuri au #otayuri fic #otabek x yurio #otabek altin #yuri plisetsky #yoi fic #yuri on ice fanfic #yoi au

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