#anyways i think this is the first time i've been fully themed in years

[pawnguild]

new pc and mobile theme 🐸🐍🌱

#fighting for my life in photoshop (gave up but looks OK) #anyways i think this is the first time i've been fully themed in years #phone desktop and tumblr set-ups are all green/black now... you could say i have a type 🥴 #mars.txt

[imaginespazzi]

Here's To Eternity

Four times Paige brings up marriage and the one time Azzi finally says yes.

(In which an angst writer attempts to write fluff and it takes her far longer than it should have)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: mainly Fluff with a little bit of Angst

Words: 8K (I swear it was meant to be below 5K when I planned it)

TW: Implied sexual content, alcohol, swearing

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3. Gonna do this at the beginning instead of the end today. This took years off my life and I still don't fully love it but I'm tired of thinking about it so hopefully y'all still like it. Really quickly, I've never been to Minnesota or the state fair so if you have, pretend you do not see the likely factual inaccuracies. Also feel free to let me know what you don't like because as I've said, I don't really write fluff well so by all means call me out. And finally, I edited this I swear but I'm sure there are still mistakes, so let me know about those too. Anyways, I hope this is a good pre-game read and let's get another W!

i don’t know what love is (i’d learn for you) 

The first time Paige says it, they’re at the Minnesota State Fair. It’s all the way back when they’re just two young girls learning each other, carefree and completely unaware that this will become a tradition. They’ve barely known each other but being with Azzi already feels easy, natural, like home. And she doesn’t really know how she knows it, it’s just a feeling really, but Paige is convinced that Azzi’s meant to be in her life forever. 

They’ve been at the fair almost all day, with members of both of their families joining them here and there. Paige and Azzi had been competing at various arcade games all day, keeping a tally of who won which arcade game. They’d even turned going on rides into a competition of “who could hold in their screams the longest”. Their bickering, while endearing, had earned them more than a few fond eye rolls as their families eventually got bored of being third wheels and went on to find something more engaging. 

They’d intentionally left the pop-a-shot, a basketball arcade game, til the very end, knowing it would be the ideal tie-breaker. And as the day comes to an end, they are in fact very much tied although Paige will tell you, that she didn’t actually scream on the Skyscraper; it had merely been a quiet whimper that Azzi was exaggerating the volume of. And Azzi will tell you that she deserved a re-do on the ring toss because it wasn’t her fault that the wind had decided to pick up on that very moment. Ultimately both of their arguments had fallen on deaf ears when they had appealed their cases to some very exasperated family members. 

“Get ready to lose to the better shooter,” Paige gloats, rubbing her hands together in preparation to shoot. She’d lost two rounds of rock paper scissors to Azzi’s one, meaning she’d missed the chance to go second like she would have preferred but that hadn’t done much to deter her confidence. 

“We’ll see,” Azzi scoffs, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms as she stands back a little bit to give Paige the space she needs. 

Paige smirks at her friend as she shoots the ball, definitely showing off a little bit. The ball arcs in the air before swishing into the basket, all net and no rim. The blonde’s grin only widens as she repeats the motion, again and again and again. She gets eight of them in perfectly, the ninth hits the backboard but rolls in and then-

“You missed,” Azzi yells the minute the last ball is out of Paige’s hands and they both watch, one in excitement, the other in irritation, as the ball falls miserably far away from the net. 

“That’s not fair,” Paige turns around immediately, “you distracted me. That doesn’t even count.”

“Nuh uh, we didn’t set a no distracting rule and I only said something after you released it. I already knew you were gonna miss,” Azzi counters gleefully. 

“Bruh, how could you have possibly known that?”

“Because my basketball IQ is way beyond yours,” it’s Azzi’s turn to smirk as she bumps Paige in the hip, switching spots so she can take her turn. 

“You’re still gonna lose. I made nine, you’re barely gonna make,” Paige pretends to think, “hmm maybe seven”

Azzi doesn’t respond, choosing instead to reply by immediately making her first basket. Her arc is perfect as always, the same shot Paige had been awed by when they’d been at camp for USA basketball. She makes the next and the next and the one after that until she’s at her 10th shot, ready to go a perfect 10 for 10 and beat Paige. Maybe it’s the competitiveness or maybe Paige has lost her goddamn mind, but she barely registers the next words that come out of her mouth. 

“If you make the last shot, you have to marry me,” and it’s supposed to be a threat, a way to stop Azzi from making the last bucket and winning their silly little competition but it comes out giddy and breathless. 

“What?” Azzi asks, eyes wide as she turns around to face Paige and well, she’s said them now, Paige might as well own them. 

“You heard me,” Paige says, cocking her head, the arrogance in her voice a complete contrast to the rapid beating of her heart, “you make that shot, and we’re engaged. Or you don’t make it and you lose.”

Azzi’s eyes narrow, confusion melting away to a familiar fierceness.  The thing is, she knows she could miss it if she wanted to but the thought of losing is somehow worse than being engaged at fourteen. She tries not to dwell on why that idea doesn’t seriously frighten her, telling herself it’s because there’s no way Paige will ever hold her to that. Taking a deep breath, Azzi lifts up her hands and shoots the ball. 

Here’s the thing, Paige likes winning. She enjoys the effort that goes into getting a win and the satisfaction that follows after. But as the ball leaves Azzi’s hand, that same perfect arc, she thinks, maybe it would be okay if Azzi made this basket today. She thinks maybe it would be okay if she lost. Both girls wait with bated breath, as the ball hits the backboard and circles the rim. For a brief second, it seems like it might slide off the edge but it doesn’t. It falls into the net with a swish and Azzi wins. 

The brunette lets out a squeal of happiness as the arcade game lights up with “WINNER”, doing a happy dance and flipping her hair. And Paige is so mesmerized by Azzi’s infectious happiness, the fact that she’s just lost ceases to mean anything. She doesn’t know what this feeling is, isn’t quite ready to understand it, but she knows it’s slowly creeping up her veins and consuming every part of her. 

“What prize would you like honey,” the middle-aged woman running the booth asks, pointing to the assortment of gifts sitting in a booth next to the game. Azzi pulls a still-stunned Paige with her to get a closer look at the prizes, eyes roaming over all the fun things until they finally settle on one of them. 

“I’ll take that packet of rings,” she gives Paige a devilish smirk, "I think I just got engaged.”

Paige gapes at Azzi while the woman fetches the packet of rings that Azzi had chosen. As far as fake jewelry goes, the rings are kind of atrocious. Huge colorful stones are placed haphazardly on a silver ring that looks like it might rust the next seconds. Azzi picks out a pink one and hands it to Paige, before holding out her hand. Still slightly dazed by everything, Paige does as she’s gestured to and slips the ring onto Azzi’s ring finger. And she’s sure she must be going insane because the ugly ring looks quite pretty on Azzi’s slender fingers. 

“You better get me a real one eventually,” Azzi says and she’s joking, Paige knows that but she can’t help the part of her that takes it at face value, the part of her that subconsciously promises Azzi to get her a real one eventually. She’s only fifteen and she’s sure she doesn’t know what love is but standing here in the cool Minnesota summer breeze, getting fake engaged to a girl she feels like she’s known her whole life, Paige thinks, maybe she’d like to learn. 

2. crossing boundaries (taking leaps of faith)

The second time Paige says it, they’ve crossed a line in their friendship and she kind of wants to cross a couple more. By this point, Paige is pretty sure she’s at least a little in love with her best friend. It had been okay when she’d first got to UConn, the distance between them allowing Paige to ignore her feelings that had become unbearably intense over the covid year she’d spent with the Fudds. And then the thing she’d worked her ass off to make happen had happened and Azzi had come to UConn. It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy to have Azzi here. With her being injured for most of her sophomore season, there’s no one else Paige would have rather had by her side through it all. It was the playing platonic that drove her a little insane. Because somewhere between the arguing over nothing and the talking about everything, Azzi had stopped being her best friend and had become something more. 

It all comes to a head during a mid-April night at Ted’s. They’re partially still in mourning for their national championship loss and so it’s not really a surprise that the team is perhaps a little freer with the alcohol than they normally are. It’s definitely the alcohol that has Paige seething in jealousy at Azzi nonchalantly flirting with some random girl who had had the nerve to buy the brunette a drink. And it’s definitely the alcohol that makes her march over angrily and squeeze herself between the two girls. But it might be a little much to blame the half a glass of spiked shirley Paige had had for the way she wraps her arms around Azzi’s waist, leaning into the younger girl’s personal space in a way that is decidedly not platonic.

“Hi love,” she whispers, blinking her eyes up at a rather confused Azzi, who despite said confusion, doesn’t push her away. Instead, Azzi’s arms circle around Paige’s neck. It’s muscle memory really. But now they’re far closer than appropriate for two best friends and Paige swears she can make out every detail on Azzi’s face. Her eyes fixate on Azzi’s throat as the darker-skinned girl swallows, a sign of nervous anticipation, and she fights the visceral urge to bite down on Azzi’s neck and leave a mark so permanent, no other girl would ever have the audacity to look at what’s hers. 

“Oh, I didn’t know,” she hears the offending flirt say.

“Well now you do,” Paige replies before Azzi can respond, keeping her eyes focused on the girl in front of her, “she’s not interested.”

The sound of feet scurrying away makes Paige smirk. Azzi raises her eyes but doesn’t make a move to pull away. 

“You looked like you needed help,” the blond lies blatantly, “and I’m nothing if not helpful.”

“Is that what you were doing? Trying to be helpful?” Azzi asks, a coy smile playing on her lips as she presses closer to Paige, “because I could have sworn you were jealous.”

Paige’s breath hitches as she focuses on the way Azzi says those words, the way her lips quirk and her eyes sparkle, because it’s not the alcohol this time, no she’s pretty damn sure Azzi’s flirting with her. The realization sets her heart ablaze and she grips Azzi’s waist even tighter, trying to find something stable to hold onto. 

“And if- if I was-  if I was jealous, then what?”

“I’d tell you, you didn’t really have a reason to be. She wasn’t really my type.”

“Yeah,” Paige can’t help but smirk, suddenly feeling a surge of confidence, “what is your type Azzi?”

Azzi hums, her shy smile a response in itself. They’re so close now, with their chests pressed up against each other, that Paige can hear the erratic thrum of Azzi’s heart beating. It’s comforting in a way, to know that she has the effect on Azzi too, that she’s the reason Azzi’s breathing is so uneven. Subconsciously, Paige leans in, eyes tracing the outline of Azzi’s lips, her entire body wracked with want. 

“Azzi,” she whispers, knocking her forehead against the other girl’s, “tell me to stop.” 

Anticipation burns against Paige’s skin, the feeling of finally racing through her body. She’s hypnotized by the way they seem to be breathing as one. Her eyes close of their own accord and she can almost feel the taste of Azzi’s lips when the brunette presses a gentle hand against her chest. 

“Stop,” Azzi whispers. 

Paige’s eyes fly open. Stung, she lets go of Azzi’s waist immediately, the tears ready to fall. She’d been so sure she’d read the moment right-

“Hey, hey no Paige wait,” Azzi scrambles to grab onto the blonde, fully aware of the panic that has settled into the other girl's bones, “I didn’t- I just- I didn’t mean it like that. I- fuck sorry, I don’t- I want-” she takes in a deep breath, her brain unable to speak her mind, “I want to kiss you, I do- I just don’t want our first kiss to be in front of all these people.”

The last part is a little mumbled but Paige hears it clear as day. She gapes at her best friend, not sure if she wants to shake her or jump her bones (both, definitely both). 

“You couldn’t have just said that?” Paige asks exasperatedly, “I don’t really take rejection well in case you haven’t noticed.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I panicked, you were so close and I was distracted,” Azzi rambles incoherently and Paige is so ridiculously endeared by this girl. 

“Azzi,” she says slowly, stepping back into the younger girl's space, and holding out a hand, “you wanna get out of here?”

She’s rewarded with a bright smile and Azzi  grabbing her outstretched hand with no hesitation. As the two of them make their way through the crowd, hands locked together, Paige can’t think of a moment where she’s felt this ecstatic. They stumble through the street towards their apartments, giggling like kindergarteners who’ve just been given a sweet treat. After a year, longer, of holding it in, Paige feels like she’s finally free. 

They’ve barely made it to Paige’s room, before she has Azzi pinned against the wall causing the younger girl to let out an audible gasp. It’s sinful the way she looks up at Paige, as if she’d do anything for her. And god Paige wants to find out just how much she can push that. 

“Tell me to stop,” Paige repeats her words from the bar, her right thumb coming up to  lightly caressing Azzi’s bottom lip. She’s giving her an out, a last chance before they cross a line in their friendship that they’ll never be able to uncross. But her words evoke a new fire in Azzi’s eyes and Paige just knows. 

“Absolutely not.”

She’s not sure who kisses who first, doesn’t really care but she knows she’s never felt anything quite like this. It’s something beyond sparks, something more exciting, yet something ever so calming. All she knows is she wants more. Her hands roam everywhere, moving from Azzi’s neck, to her arms, to her hips before moving even lower. And Azzi fucking whimpers, the sound of it causing Paige to press even harder against her. She pulls away and Azzi chases her lips for a second, before Paige attaches them to the younger girl’s neck instead. 

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted this,” Paige manages to get out, biting against Azzi’s skin. She means to be soft, she really does but all she can think about is leaving a mark, a possessive bruise that would make sure everyone knew not to touch what was hers.

“Not longer than me,” Azzi’s hands are tangled in Paige's hair and she’s putty in the older girl’s hand. Paige could ask anything of her, and Azzi’s sure, she’d give it to her in a heartbeat. 

“I’m gonna make it worth the wait,” Paige pants, moving away from the brunette’s neck to kiss her again, “I promise.”

“Gonna show me what the hype is about?” Azzi says cheekily, as Paige pulls her onto the bed. She climbs on top of the blond, straddling her thighs. 

“Gonna show you even better,” Paige whispers and Azzi shivers at the promise in her voice. And then Paige’s lips her on hers again, desperate and impatient. Her hands work meticulously as she unbuttons Azzi’s blouse, leaving the young girl’s upper body bare. Azzi can't help the insecurity that creeps into her when Paige stares at her like that, like she’s seeing her for the first time. 

“You’re so fucking perfect,” Paige says, erasing away the doubt, “fuck, marry me.”

Paige doesn’t know why that slips out, doesn’t know why it rolls off her tongue so smoothly, doesn’t know why it doesn’t feel like a completely preposterous thing to say at the moment. 

“You say that to all your hookups?” Azzi asks slowly. It’s said light-heartedly enough but the hints of doubt aren’t hard to catch. In one swift motion, Paige flips them so that Azzi’s lying underneath her. Using her elbows, she hovers over the younger girl, making sure she can see the sincerity in her eyes. 

“No, no I don't. And you,” she says pointedly, needing Azzi to understand how she feels, “are not a hookup.”

Azzi smiles, arms wrapping around Paige’s neck, “maybe take me out on a date first and then we can talk about marriage.”

“Yeah, yeah I will but,” Paige grins devilishly, fingers dancing around the waistband of Azzi’s jeans, “I think I’ll fuck you first.

3. on the brink of destruction (maybe you’ll catch me)

The third time Paige says it, she’s desperately trying to save them from falling apart. They’ve always known this moment would come, known it even before they’d known each other. To play in the WNBA had always been the end-goal for both of them and it should be the happiest moment of their lives with both of them being guaranteed first-round picks who were likely to make a roster. But the whole thing comes with the caveat, that for the first time in almost four years, Paige and Azzi will have to learn to live apart from each other. 

Paige hadn’t even considered that it would mean they’d have to break up. The whole season, despite a thousand and one conversations about the draft, the idea hadn’t once been brought up. Long distance would be difficult, Paige knew that, but she’d figured they’d tackle it in the same way they’d faced everything else: together. Apparently Azzi thought differently. Apparently Azzi had been thinking about it for a while and last night, when she’d finally said the words out loud, Paige’s whole world had fallen off balance. She’d tried interrupting but once Azzi had her mind set on something, it was hard to deter her.

It’s been less than 24 hours since and KK and Ice have done everything in their power to distract her but Paige can’t stop thinking about it. If she hadn’t known Azzi for as long as she had, then maybe she would have believed the façade of coldness and practicality that her girlfriend had put on. She had spoken as if she was negotiating the end of a contract, her face set firmly on neutral. But Paige had seen the way she was fidgeting uncontrollably with the hem of her shirt, heard the little crack in her voice when she’d said the actual words out loud. 

“Was she at breakfast?” Paige asks, interrupting whatever spiel KK had been going on. The sophomore gives her a look that veers between irritation and sympathy. 

“Dude, we weren’t even at breakfast. We ate with you up here, remember?”

“Right,” Paige says, mindlessly thumbing at her sheets. She’s in unfamiliar territory, trying to navigate a world without Azzi. She can’t even remember the last morning she’d had that didn’t start with some form of communication with her girlfriend, a good morning kiss or a text or a call. 

“Y’all are being stupid,” Ice supplies unhelpfully. 

“Don’t even start,” Paige quips back defensively, “I didn’t do anything.”

“Maybe that’s the issue,” KK’s report is met with a well-aimed pillow in her direction. 

“Can you guys maybe just take my side for once please?”

“Children of divorce don’t choose sides,” Ice says solemnly. She has the foresight to duck and Paige’s water bottle hits the wall with a resounding thud, “aye no violence.”

“Fuck off and go away,” Paige groans, burying her face in her hands. 

“This is literally my room,” Ice replies and KK snickers. 

“I’m so glad my misery amuses you guys.”

Before either of the two underclassmen can reply, a familiar voice resounds around the room and Paige’s heart almost beats out of her chest. It’s been less than 24 hours but fuck, she’s missed the sound of it.

“Ice do you have- oh.”

“Hi Azzi,” KK says enthusiastically and Paige can already picture the forced smile Azzi gives her. She hates that stupid smile. 

“Hey KK. I- uh, Ice I was looking for the  necklace you borrowed. I- uh wanted to wear it with my dress for the draft, but umm- it’s- it’s fine. I’ll come back later.”

Paige scoffs, suddenly annoyed. She lifts her head from her hands and Azzi’s already looking at her but the minute their eyes meet, she looks away. It only irritates Paige further. 

“It’s fine Az. I can get it for you now,” Ice says, hopping up and rummaging through one of her. 

“No it’s fine, I should go. I have to go do…something.”

“You’re such a fucking liar,” Paige says before she can stop herself. The awkwardness in the air changes to a sinister tension. KK and Ice wear identical expressions of shock and worry, looking back and forth between Paige and Azzi.

“Excuse me?” Azzi says eyes narrowing dangerously. 

“All that bullshit you said last night. You said we’d still be friends. You said it’d be like we used to be before. You said things wouldn’t change that much and this would be for the better. You said we’d be fine. But fucking hell Azzi, you can’t even stand to be in the same room as me right now,” tears prickle in her eyes and she can’t tell if they’re from anger or pain or frustration. 

“I-It will be okay. We’ll be fine, eventually,” Azzi pauses, struggling to get the words out, “I just- we just- we need time to learn how to be just friends again.”

“I don’t want to be just friends Azzi,” Paige spits. 

“Neither do I,” Azzi bursts out, hands clenching, “but we have to try.”

“Oh-kay,” KK cuts in, noticing the rise in voices, “just because Ice and I call ourselves children of divorce, doesn’t mean y’all have to act like an actual divorced couple. All this yelling is not good for my heart.”

“Shut up KK,” they snap at the same time, and KK immediately raises her hands in surrender. 

“Why,” Paige turns her attention back to Azzi, “why do we have to try? You don’t want to be just friends. I sure as shit don’t want to be just friends. So what’s the fucking point? When neither of us want this, why are we fucking doing this?”

“Because I’m scared okay?” Azzi yells, her eyes widening as the truth slips out. She immediately cups her mouth, her anger fading away. Tears pool at the corner of her eyes, as emotions she’d been trying so hard to push down, bubble to the surface. She sees the way Paige eyes soften, can feel the sympathy in the way KK and Ice are looking at her, but before any of them can say anything, her feet are moving, desperate to get away from them, from Paige. 

“Paige,” Ice hisses when the blond stays rooted in place, “move.”

It does the trick, shaking Paige out of her trance. She doesn’t need to be told twice. When she gets to Azzi’s room, she stops outside the door. The goal is to fix things but she’s so scared of damaging them further. Taking a deep breath, she lets herself in and is unsurprised to find Azzi pacing the length of the room. 

“You have ‘got to stop running away from me. I’m not as young as I used to be,” Paige jokes. She’s not expecting a smile in return, the situation is far too tense, but when Azzi looks at her with nothing but sadness, all the humour leaves her body. 

“Please leave me alone,” Azzi whispers,  “please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

“You’re the one making this harder Az. We don’t have to do this,” Paige takes a step forward, groaning when Azzi immediately takes a step back. 

“We do because otherwise we’re gonna fall apart. You don’t see it but we’re gonna end up resenting each other because we miss each other so much,” Azzi says miserably, the tears freely falling now. 

“You think I’ll miss you less if you’re not my girlfriend? You think breaking up is going to stop us from falling apart?” Paige asks incredulously, “you know you’ve had some stupid ideas before Azzi, but this, this one might be the dumbest yet.”

“Well, do you have a better one?” Azzi asks, throwing her hands in the air. 

“Yes, let’s just get married instead! Then we’ll have to be stuck with each other for life and you can stop trying to break up with me,” and maybe it’s somewhat of an irrational thing to say but Paige finds that she means it.

“Paige,” Azzi grits out, “this is serious.”

“I’m being dead serious right now actually.”

“Marriage is not going to stop us from being drafted to different teams. It’s not gonna stop us from having to live in different states.”

“Neither is breaking up,” Paige yells. Frustrated, she marches over to Azzi, encircling her arms around the other girl who immediately struggles against Paige's hold but the blonde is in no mood to let this, whatever it is, go on any further. 

“Let me go-”

“No. It’s my turn to talk okay,” Paige says, tightening her grip, “get this through your head, we are not breaking up.”

She pinches Azzi’s waist when the younger girl tries to protest. Her girlfriend is nothing if not stubborn but so is Paige. 

“You know I barely slept last night? I’ve been so fucking miserable all day. I’ve spent every minute thinking about you, every minute missing you. And if we do this, that feeling of missing you and knowing I can’t have you, is how I’m going to feel for the rest of my life. And that, that might kill me. I know you think it’ll be easier being friends or whatever but I can’t do that Azzi. I can’t be your friend. I can’t be near you and not kiss you. I can’t call you and not tell you I love you,” Paige’s voice breaks near the end as tears begin to stream down her face. 

“I’m scared. I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose you,” Azzi confesses in a whisper and it’s heartbreaking how vulnerable the darker-skinned girl sounds. 

“Then don’t. Keep me and let me keep you. I know you're scared baby but,” Paige presses her forehead against Azzi’s, “but trust me Azzi, we’ll make it work okay. I need you to believe that. I need you to believe in us. Please Azzi, please.”

Azzi closes her eyes and Paige can almost see the cogs turning in her brain. Waiting for a decision is excruciating and the silence feels deafening as Paige’s intrusive thoughts drive her a little insane. 

“Okay,” Azzi breathes out finally, “okay we’ll try it your way. But if it doesn’t work-”

“It’s going to work,” Paige says determinedly. And finally, Azzi smiles, the real one that Paige loves. 

“It’s going to work,” she repeats back, leaning up to kiss Paige and letting out an ungraceful squawk when Paige dodges her lips, “excuse me.”

“You don’t get a kiss,” the older girl replies, moving out of reach and crossing her arms, “you just tried to break up with me. Twice.”

“I’m sorry,” Azzi whines, “please, I haven’t kissed you for hours.”

“And whose fault is that?” Paige accuses but there’s no true anger behind her words. 

Azzi pouts for a second before it’s replaced by a mischievous smirk. Before Paige can react, she jumps onto the blond, wrapping her arms around Paige’s neck. The impact of it causes Paige to stumble back a little bit before her hands settle on Azzi's hips to keep them both stable. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Azzi babbles, kissing every inch of Paige’s face. 

“Okay, okay, okay, you’re forgiven.” Paige laughs. She’s never been particularly good at staying mad at Azzi. The knot in her chest, which’s been pressing against her ribcage since last night, finally unravels as Paige tugs Azzi closer, finally pressing their lips together in a passionate kiss. A low wolf-whistle from the doorway breaks them apart far sooner than they’d have liked. 

“Y’all didn’t even last a whole 24 hours,” KK’s voice is amused but there’s a hint of relief hidden in it. 

“Should’ve closed the fucking door,” Paige grumbles as Azzi giggles into the crevice between her head and her neck. 

“That’s gotta be a record for shortest breakup ever or something,” and there’s Ice, looking equally as amused. 

“You know what that means though, parents are back together and,” KK smirks at Ice and Paige looks between the two of them questioningly, “you owe me 50 bucks.”

“Excuse me?” Paige asks with a raised eyebrow, although she’s pretty sure she already knows. 

“Ice said y’all would be broken up for a week. I gave y’all three days,” KK grins triumphantly, despite Ice giving her a dirty look. 

“I can’t believe you guys would bet on us,” Azzi shakes her head disapprovingly as she lifts her head, “actually no scratch that. I’m not surprised at all.”

“We were too generous with it though,” Ice gives them a knowing look, “can’t believe y’all thought you could survive for years.”

“Not y’all,” Paige corrects, “just Azzi.”

Azzi groans, “you’re never gonna let me forget this are you?”

“Nope,” Paige says happily, pressing a kiss to Azzi’s temple, who immediately grins. And everything in the world is right again. It’s not going to be easy being god knows how many miles apart, but Paige knows they’ll be fine. They have to be. She won’t let them be anything else. 

4. the high of it all (as long as you hold me)

The fourth time she says it, Paige doesn’t even fully remember it the day after. She won’t find out exactly what she’s said until a couple of years into the future when Azzi tells her the story with a fond look in her eye. It’s a month or so into their rookie seasons when their respective teams meet: the Lynx vs the Mystics, funny how that had worked out. So far, they’d both been doing well, locked in a competitive race for rookie of the year. As a result, their matchup is well-hyped, but no one’s more excited for it, than the two of them. 

The game ends with the Lynx winning and Paige shoots Azzi a victorious smirk which earns her a familiar eye roll. She loves winning always but this time there’s the additional reward of having her girlfriend back in her bed for the first time in weeks. The anticipation of it has her running her tongue across her lips, and with the way Azzi’s eyes glaze over, it’s clear they’re thinking the same thing. 

A couple of hours later, the Lynx team is spread out across one of the bars near their arena and Paige is definitely teetering on the edge of being drunk. She’d been a lot more reserved the other couple of times they’d done this, not wanting to take the chance of potentially embarrassing herself in front of her older teammates. But she feels freer tonight and the reason for it hasn't walked in yet.

“You two haven’t changed at all huh?” Dorka laughs, as she watches Paige pouting at the door. 

“Hey,” Paige whines, “I haven’t seen her in months! And now she’s taking too long.”

“One month,” Dorka corrects, shaking her head fondly, “and you talk to her every other hour.” 

“Same differ-”

“Hi,” an unfamiliar voice cuts Paige off, an auburn haired girl sliding into the stool next to her, “you’re Paige Bueckers?”

“Last time I checked,” Paige replies goofily, eyes still fixed on the front door. 

“I’m Shay. I’m a huge fan,” the stranger gushes, her smile radiant, “could I maybe get a picture?”

Never one to disappoint, especially not when she’s a little out of it, Paige nods. She wraps her arm casually around Shay’s shoulder, and makes a peace sign with her other hand as the other girl takes a selfie. 

“Thank you,” Shay takes a deep breath, “I uh, I was wondering if I could maybe get your num-”

“Babyyyyyy,” Paige lets out a shrill squeak as she spots her girlfriend finally entering the door. All else seems to fade away as the blonde practically skips towards her girlfriend. Dorka, who’d been watching the previous exchange, can’t help but give a very shell-shocked-looking Shay a sympathetic smile. 

“Hi babyyyy,” Paige croons again as she throws her arms around her girlfriend's neck, burying her face contentedly into Azzi’s neck. It doesn’t matter that she’s an inch or so taller than the younger girl, she fits in Azzi’s arms pretty perfectly. 

“Hi drunkie,” Azzi says fondly, brushing her hands through Paige’s hair and eliciting a happy sigh from the inebriated blond in her arms, “started without me I see.”

“You took too long and I was bored,” Paige says, snuggling further, her breath tickling against Azzi’s collarbone, making the younger girl’s breath hitch. Smirking, Paige bites down gently, knowing the exact effect it’ll have. Almost five years together, and the idea of marking her girlfriend still drives her a little insane. 

“Behave,” Azzi warns, her voice breathy, “we’re in public.”

“Then let’s get out of public,” Paige whispers as she caresses the mark she’s just left on Azzi’s throat with her tongue, clearly proud of her handiwork, “let me take you home.”

“I just got here babe,” it’s a weak response, they both know it. 

“So what?”

“I-,” Azzi stutters as Paige continues to pepper kisses into her neck, one of her hands sliding down to brush against Azzi’s exposed navel, “I haven’t even said hi to anyone else.”

“Are you here for anyone else? Or are you here for me?” 

It’s a blur how it happens, but one minute Paige is tucked under Azzi’s arms, the next Azzi finds herself pressed against the bar, Paige's hands barricading her. It's too dimly lit for anyone to be fully aware of what’s going on but Azzi desperately tries to stifle a moan when Paige shifts so that she’s filthily grinding against one of Azzi’s thighs, lips still attached to her neck. 

“Gonna make you feel so good baby. Gonna give you whatever you want. Gonna give you everything you need,” the blond promises, knowing, when Azzi’s eyes involuntarily close, that she’s close to getting what she wants, “just let me take you home.”

“Azzi!” The feeling of getting her way is short lived as Dorka’s voice echoes around them. Paige groans as her girlfriend’s eyes immediately fly open and she ducks under Paige arms to hug their old UConn teammate.

As the two other girls meet, Paige downs another drink, mumbling about “fucking Hungarians.”

“Ignore her,” Azzi rolls her eyes, still hugging Dorka, who lets out a laugh. 

“Alright that’s enough,” Paige frowns, pulling Azzi back into her so that her back is pressed against Paige’s chest, “go find your own Azzi to hug, this one’s mine and we’re leaving.”

Sober Paige does not get testy when Azzi hugs other people, especially not old teammates and friends, well not a lot anyway. But drunk Paige doesn’t like sharing her girlfriend, no matter how platonically that is. 

“Always so possessive Bueckers,” Dorka teases, but she complies  “it was good seeing you Az. Don’t be late to practice Paige.”

The blond point guard lets out a satisfied sigh, lacing her hands with Azzi’s, “see you’ve met people, now can we please go?”

“I’ve met one person,” Azzi rolls her eyes but doesn’t put up a fight as her girlfriend begins to pull her out of the bar. 

The uber ride back to Paige’s apartment is relatively silent with Paige tucking herself into Azzi, who can tell that despite her previous eagerness, her girlfriend is pretty likely to pass out the minute she lies down. It doesn’t matter really. Cuddles. Sex. Whatever. As long as it’s with Paige, Azzi loves every minute of it. Besides, there’s always tomorrow morning. 

“M’sorry, m’so tired,” Paige mumbles as she does exactly what Azzi had expected by flopping onto the bed the minute they tumble into the bedroom, “make it up to you tomorrow. I promise.”

The brunette shakes her head with a smile, taking both their shoes off, before lying down next to her girlfriend, who immediately curls into her, wrapping her arms around Azzi’s torso. 

“I’m glad you’re here. I missed you,” she whispers into Azzi’s skin, eyes closed. 

“Missed you too baby,” the darker skinned girl pressed a kiss onto her girlfriend’s forehead, squeezing her arm gently. 

There’s a pause and for a second Azzi thinks maybe Paige has fallen asleep until the next words come out her mouth and steal Azzi’s breath away. 

“I can’t wait to marry you,” Paige confesses in a whisper, “you’re gonna make the prettiest bride. We’re gonna have such a beautiful wedding. Outside. Maybe on a basketball court.  And Coach is gonna officiate it and everyone’s gonna be there. Our family, our friends and it’s gonna be wonderful. The best ever.”

Azzi can’t bring herself to speak, the emotions suddenly becoming a little too strong. She knows Paige is drunk but the words are so sincere, like they’re things Paige has been thinking about for a long time. 

“Gonna have two kids,” Paige smiles as she continues to babble, unaware of the effect that has on Azzi, “a girl and a boy. They’re gonna be the most loved kids in the world. And we’re gonna teach them basketball. And they’re gonna be perfect, just like you. Just like us.”

In the silence, Azzi listens to Paige’s breathing even out, a sign that the older girl has drifted into sleep. And she lets herself imagine the picture Paige had just painted for her. As she holds her girlfriend closer to her, she knows she wants that life too. The wedding. The kids. The perfection of it all. She falls asleep dreaming about it, unaware that hidden in the drawer right next to her, is a ring that has her name on it. 

5. finding forever (the inevitability of us) 

When Paige finally proposes, they’re back at the Minnesota State Fair. She’s had the ring for a couple of years now, waiting for things to fall into place so that they could finally play on the same team and actually be together. That hadn’t been an easy process and of course, they’d argued about it, perhaps going a little too far at times. But now, when she finally gets to wake up to Azzi’s peaceful sleepy smile, every single morning, it all seems worth it. 

The proposal, if Paige is honest, is just a formality. In her head, she’s been a married woman for a long time. Whatever ceremony they’d have, whatever papers they’d sign, wouldn’t do much to alter their already domestic lives. But she wanted that celebration, the moment with her family and friends where they’d become bound in the one way they weren’t yet: legally. And this proposal was the start of that. 

The list of ideas she’d planned out and discussed with their family and friends was long and had earned her plenty of sighs and eye rolls. Nothing had seemed quite right until she’d whined about it to both their mothers. They’d said to go back to the beginning and it had all clicked into place. 

As they have every year since they’d started coming to the state fair together, they’re engaged in a competition again. Every year, they get a little bit more competitive and every year their families' sighs get a little heavier. Something about it, makes the two of them reverse back to being fifteen. The ridiculous trash talk, the sticking their tongues out at each other, the exaggerated pouting when they lose, it’s all further proof of them still being children at heart. Except now, when Azzi pouts, Paige gets to kiss it off. 

They’re tied again this summer, as they seem to be most years. Though this year, there’s been a little bit of planning on Paige’s part. 

“Pop-a-shot it is,” Azzi sighs, “even though you absolutely cheated on that last hole in mini golf,” she turns to their families, who normally would have left by now but have stayed back today, with a dramatic spin, “and I can’t believe you all saw it, but you’re taking her side.”

“Not me Azzi, I’m on your side. I know she cheated,” Drew, the traitor, chirps with a smirk and Paige glares at her little brother whose loyalty to her girlfriend never wavers. 

“Thank you Drew. The only person who loves me for real,” Azzi puts one hand to her heart, and ruffles the younger boy’s with the other. 

“Save the dramatics for when you lose babe,” Paige says, rolling her eyes, “alright rock paper scissors.”

They play best of three as they always do. Paige wins the first round. Azzi wins the second. There’s momentary panic when Azzi technically wins the third because well, Paige sort of needs to be in control if this is going to work. The thing is Azzi likes to mix up whether she’ll choose to go first or second, according to her it keeps Paige on her toes. But today Paige really needs her girlfriend to go second. 

“Oh Az no cheating,” Tim cuts in, coming to the rescue, “you waited to see what she’d do.”

“WHAT?” Azzi squeals, “I absolutely did not.”

“Oh honey, I think you did,” Katie sends Paige a wink and she can’t help but smile at the family she’s found. 

“You’re not serious,” Azzi says with a betrayed voice, squinting at her parents, before turning to Paige’s mom, who gives her a consoling pat, “please adopt me.”

“Oh quit whining cheater,” Paige teases, “I’m going first.”

She steps up to the line for the game, feeling more nervous than she ever has really because this is it. There isn’t really a world in which she thinks Azzi will say no, at least not one where Paige continues breathing after. But she needs this to be perfect. Bouncing the ball for a second, she takes in a deep breath before raising her arms and shooting. It goes in, barely touching the room. So does the next. And the next one and the next one, until Paige has gotten nine shots in. 

As she goes to shoot the last one, Azzi's voice echoes around her, “miss it for me babe.”

And she does. It’s probably one of the weakest shot’s she’s ever taken in her life, the ball falling far below the basket. Behind her, she can hear their brother’s snickering. 

“Damn someone should send that to Coach,” Azzi teases, hip-checking Paige as she comes to take her spot, “better luck next time baby.”

“Yeah, yeah let’s see you do better,” Paige replies cockily, but her hands are sweating with nerves. 

“Oh you know I will,” her girlfriend responds with a grin, as she makes the first basket, that same perfect arc as always. Paige holds her breath on every shot, as the ball goes in flawlessly every time, their families cheering loudly for each one of them. As the last basket gets closer, Drew gives Paige’s hand a tight squeeze and gets a grateful smile in return. 

Taking a deep breath, as Azzi gets ready to take her last turn, Paige repeats the same words she’d said, the first time they’d been in this situation, “if you make the last shot, you have to marry me.”

“What?” Azzi whips around immediately, her eyes bright with confusion. Tongue-tied, Paige only shrugs and smiles, watching closely as Azzi lets the words sink in. A determined look crosses her face, followed by a mischievous smirk, and Paige’s heart swells. She knows the ball is going in the hoop even before the other girl's arms are in shooting position. And she’s right. The ball arcs in air and falls through the basket. And instead of the patent WINNER that normally lights up when someone makes the 10 shots, a new phrase appears on the dashboard. 

MARRY ME

Azzi gasps, hands flying to her mouth. When she whirls around, Paige is already on one knee and their families are watching with the biggest smiles. 

“I knew you lost on purpose,” Azzi breathes out, “you’ve never taken such a shit shot like that last one in your life.”

“Seriously,” Paige gapes up at her, “that’s what you get from this.”

“Babe, you hate losing,” Azzi emphasizes as if that explains everything and well, maybe it does.

“Yeah, yeah I do,” Paige nods, reaching in her back pocket to pull out the ring, “but if you say yes to me today, then it doesn’t matter if I win or lose in a stupid arcade game, or on the court or anywhere, if you say yes Azzi, no matter what, I’ll always be a winner because I’ll have you. And I had a slightly better, slightly longer speech planned but it’s kinda all gone from my mind now, so I’ll just get right to it,” she manages a watery smile in response to her girlfriend’s tearful laugh, “Azzi, my soulmate and the love of my life, will you marry me?”

“Yes. Oh my god yes, of course, yes,” Azzi manages to get out, before she falls to her knees and into Paige’s arms, pressing her lips fervently against the blonde’s, their happy tears mixing into each other. Behind them, their families burst into cheers, hugging one another in congratulations.

“Wait, wait,” Paige pulls away, her smile stretching across her whole face, “I need to put the ring on you.”

She opens the ring box, to reveal a silver band that’s designed with a large diamond in the shape of a heart in the middle with two infinity shapes made out of smaller diamonds on each side of the heart. Azzi holds out her hand, eyes shining as Paige slips it onto her ring finger. It sparkles underneath the glow of the moonlight. 

“You finally got me a real one,” she whispers, continuing to admire the ring, “fuck, Paige it’s beautiful.”

“Yeah, yeah it took me a couple of years but I always knew I would. Look at the inside,” Paige nudges and Azzi squints to see the inscription on the inner edge of the ring. 

Since Always

The meaning of it is clear and Azzi lets out something in between a sob and a laugh before throwing herself back into Paige’s waiting arms. 

“I love you,” she whispers into her girlfriend’s, no, her fiance’s ears, “I can’t wait to be your wife.”

Paige’s arms tighten around Azz as she repeats it back, the word wife, evoking a newfound feeling she doesn’t quite know how to put in words. Their families begin to crowd them, until they’re all just a heap of bodies, likely earning some odd looks from passers-by. But it really doesn’t matter. It’s odd to think there had ever been a time when Paige had stood in this same cool Minnesota summer evening breeze and not know what love was, not known who Azzi was. Because this right here, with her fiancé in her arms, and their family all around them, this, she thinks, is the definition of love.

#pazzi #paige bueckers #azzi fudd #wcbb

[katebeckets]

the tortured poets department

i have thoughts!! surprising, right?? this is for anyone who cares to read them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Before you read, note that this is going to be critical of things, so let me just start by saying I have loved and listened to Taylor since I was 8, so none of it is said lightly or without careful thought (in fact, this took me absurdly long to write). Most of the issues I have are very near to my heart, actually, so I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. If you don't want to read criticism, then just don't read more. DISCLAIMER that I did my best, but not even this fully captures the nuance I feel able my own opinions lol I recognize the other sides and points, I really do. I hold many conflicting opinions.

The short version is I will always love her music and her voice and she is capable of writing absolutely gorgeous lyrics (dare I say poetry?). I don't tend to think too much about the sound of it because if I like the sound, it's all I really care about—maybe it sounds the same as other stuff, but if I like that other stuff, I don't really care about whether she branches out or not. I think it's great and interesting when she (or anyone) does, but I also don't like change so it doesn't matter to me the way I know it matters to some people. That's just me!

What gets more complicated for me is the narrative, themes, and general trends that have been more prominent the last year or so, and that's what the rest of my thoughts are. It's me enjoying the music while also being acutely aware of all the grief tangled up in it because of how much less connected I feel in many ways.

Side note: this got soooo much longer than even I expected and it still just scratches the surface! so if you decide to read, 1. thank you, and 2. I'd love to keep talking to you. 🤍

———————————————————— 💭

I am an overthinker (shocking!) and will for sure be annoyed that I can't think of each and every thing I think about this album, but this is what comes to mind right now. Some things that have stood out to me more and more with each release:

a tendency to write self-aware lyrics that, in trying to be self-aware, betray somewhat of a lack of self-awareness

a frustration with never growing up that she expresses while also not realizing the way she is complicit in that and her own refusal to grow up

considering herself the victim, particularly after "overcoming" the accusations that she always plays the victim

venturing more boldly into the territory of serious mental illness/suicidal ideation/mental health treatment despite demonstrating a fair amount of ignorance regarding those things in the past

fame going to her head (in the sense of her becoming further and further out of touch) and the entitlement in a lot of the more immature attitudes that come across in these songs

self-awareness: for me, the first example that comes to mind is Anti-Hero: "it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me." It's a claim at self-awareness because she's poking fun at the fact that she knows people always say "maybe she's the problem." The reason why it feels to me like it exposes a lack of self-awareness is because she explores it mostly as a criticism to overcome and not a valid point of self-reflection. @jakeperalta's tags on her post explain it better than I do. Yes, there's an issue when you reduce every feeling to "well maybe she's the problem," but part of growth is admitting that maybe you are part of the problem and coming to terms with the fact that there is often some inevitable truth to that statement—and being willing to work on it. This example is from Midnights, but I think it ties into the next point.

immaturity/never growing up: I actually think these first two sections are just two parts of one section, but it's easier to read this way anyway. There are lots of references to not growing up on this album, the first that come to mind being "So High School" and "teenage petulance." Maybe it's just me, but as a 34-year-old woman, I wouldn't want to be feeling "so high school." I mean, as a 25-year-old, when I talk about feeling like my high school self, it's usually because I'm recognizing how limited my judgment and self-awareness was in high school (despite all the therapy and my efforts to be self-aware in high school). And I am aware of my own bias here—I absolutely hate the football game days because I didn't even like watching people act like that in high school, but at least they were high schoolers—but I do think part of what we've seen is Travis allowing her to be more immature and take less responsibility because that's also where he is at. Obviously I don’t speak to it with any authority since I don't know what happened in the relationship, but based on her behaviors and what I know about Joe (which is VERY little), I kind of get the feeling that part of what she didn't like about being with Joe is that he pushed her to grow. "Your integrity makes me seem small," etc. etc., but not in an “I want to grow” way, but not liking that feeling because she shouldn't have to feel small just because she wants to be able to only do what makes her happy. Just looking at the difference in her behavior and the fact that it seems like she's stopped trying to learn (Miss Americana-ish), it seems like she very much resents the responsibility that comes with being such a famous person and mainly considers herself a victim of her fame.

victimhood: to an extent, yes, she is a victim of her fame. No one should have that much fame and power, and of course she didn't sign up for it in this way. But wanting to have the kind of influence and reach that most artists desire is intertwined with fame. There isn't a way to separate it (in an ideal world, maybe, but that isn't what we're dealing with) and it's something that, to some degree, artists do sign up for. And I think she resents that she's expected to take any sort of responsibility for anything that she doesn't want to do, in a very, "but that's not fair!," teenage petulance kind of way. She even says in Sweet Nothing that "I'm just too soft for all of it." We're all too soft for all of it, but that doesn't mean we get to ignore it. It bothers me that she doesn't seem to feel any sort of responsibility to use this giant platform to do better. Everyone is aware of her influence, including her. I think that's part of the grief. No, it is not her job to use her platform for good, but I thought that it was something she valued and something she wanted. The other line that really stuck out to me was from Cassandra: "They say what doesn't kill you makes you aware, what happens if it becomes who you are?" You may be a victim of what doesn't kill you, but if it becomes who you are, that's not their fault. It reminds me a bit of the exhaustion of living with mental illness. For me in particular, it affects my relationships in a very fundamental way, and there are days that I sob because I am exhausted of things that are so normal being so, so difficult for me... but even though I didn't ask for it and it's not fair that this happened to me, it's still my responsibility to understand how my issues affect how I show up in relationships. It's still my problem, even though it isn't my fault that it's my problem. And if you're lucky, you find really beautiful people who are willing to help you and see that it's not their responsibility, but they want to make it easier for you—I recognize how lucky I am to have some people like that, but it never makes it anyone else's problem. If they decide one day it's not their problem, the truth is that it isn't (and then there's a more complex conversation about what you want to do to preserve a relationship). This is also very connected to something about Kate Beckett/why I identify with that character, and I can touch on that if anyone wants to know, but I don't really have cohesive thoughts about that prepared (it makes more sense if you already know the character). This also goes to other things, like her being upset that people always focus on who songs are about while ignoring the part she played in feeding that culture (like with secret messages).

mental health: this goes to a bigger discussion of how we turn to celebrities who are HIGHLY unqualified to have opinions on things for guidance (the nuance of the above discussion about using your platform), but the more she ventures into the discussion of mental illness, the more upset I get by some remarks she has made in the past. And yes, people grow, she may not feel this way anymore, but nothing in her behavior gives me any reason to believe that she doesn't still have this attitude. This is one that I know I have to be careful of because of how personal it is for me (I've been placed on a 5150 "danger to self" hold and I am a therapist), but one interview that has always made me so upset is that one where she talks about how she's never been to therapy, then ends it by saying "I feel like we just had a therapy session." She has said multiple times how she has never wanted to go to therapy when she has her mom, who already knows everything about her. And that is highly irritating to me because 1. that's why she's your MOM, not your THERAPIST, and 2. there's already so much stigma and apprehension around therapy and many people feel this way, so to have someone like Taylor Swift validate all the people who say "I'd rather talk to someone who already knows me" or "so and so is my therapist" is unbelievably frustrating. There's a reason it's unethical to treat people you know—that isn't therapy. And I think I wouldn't be so bothered by it if she didn't speak about it with such authority, like she knows what she's talking about when what she's saying shows that she doesn't (edit: this is specifically in regard to therapy, not mental illness. I am highly aware that anyone can be mentally ill). The other thing about this album is that it does seem to be an album about loving people with mental illness, and I've already seen a lot of interpretations that simply feed the narrative that people with mental illness are unlovable and mental illness is the reason people mistreat you (particularly the discussion about her lovers being blue all the time). And the issue with that is it's already a common misconception among people with mental illness, that their mental illness is an excuse or reason why they don't treat people right. It's disrespectful to the people who recognize that they have a mental illness that affects how they interact with others and choose to try to overcome it. I'm all for honest discussions about mental illness, but it's so disheartening when it happens on such a large scale and some of the loudest voices are people who don't know enough to know how to (at least try to) do no harm.

fame: I'm not really going to go into it because this has already turned out way longer than I meant for it to, but also because I feel like it's already been touched on. For me, it's the conversation about her feeling she should be able to just do what she wants. I think we all feel that way, but because of her fame and the fact that she's just about untouchable (as shown in how she came back from being cancelled), she can just tune everyone out. But one example was how uneasy I felt about this album being announced at the grammys. For one thing, it's not a fan-voted award, so even if it should, it doesn't feel the same. And regardless of your take on award shows, I do think it showed a level of insensitivity to the other artists who haven't won a bunch of grammys to decide that she would announce a new album at the grammys. Because even if she had a backup plan and said she didn't plan on it, the truth is that, to decide to have a backup plan, you did have to count on it happening, at least to an extent. You had to feel it was likely enough that you wanted to have a back up plan just in case, but it probably would go the way you wanted. To me, it just felt so... disrespectful. Because for many other artists, it doesn't happen more than once. (not to mention the many other things happening that got completely overshadowed, like Annie Lennox calling for a ceasefire)

So if you read all that... I don't even know what the point is at this point. These are just thoughts that, to me, don't feel right to simply ignore. I know there's an argument that you can enjoy music without enjoying where it came from, and it's true to an extent, but I also think part of the music is where it comes from. So... I don't know. Do with that what you will. And if you are reading this, I love you (I can't believe you're reading this).

#ttpd #tswift #low key mutuals you might not want to read this

[darknightsblog]

Hello! I think it is my first time posting but I really wanted to convey this feelings to you. I downloaded Dark Nights a few days ago and I swear I've been obsessed with the game since then. I can not stop playing it even though I already finished all the routes and got the achievements. I honestly hold this game so dear to my heart and I'm talking so much about it to my friends. When I read the news about a DLC and saw the art I was speechless. I think I stared at that page a whole day! I love so much how everything looks and can't wait for the full experience! It's the only thing I look forward the most this year. I also hope you're doing well and not pushing yourself too much, I can only guess how much work you're putting in, but please watch over your health as well!!

Secondly, I do have some questions. Will we get in the future some art of the characters in the form of like setting it as a laptop background or even phone background? And when the beta version is out, how can we sign for it? Or how would the whole process happen?

Then again, I thank you for your efforts and this amazing game and can't WAIT to play the DLC and see what it has the offer. Seeing the new routes include my absolute favs, I'm so excited for it!

Hi andee! Thank you for giving Dark Nights a try. It makes me happy that you enjoyed all of the game. Dark Nights is my first project, so there's a lot I can improve. I take feedback from the community at heart, so I hope the DLC will be a better experience. This year, I try to pace my workload. You're right about health is the highest priority. I plan to release some wallpapers for desktop & phone later. Perhaps some CGs that might be suitable. I haven't drawn all of the cast in their own theme yet. I'll get through it at some point.

A while ago, I released public applications for editor, proofreader and beta testing positions. Unfortunately, it's no longer possible to sign up for it. However, you'll get to enjoy the game fully polished upon its release. Anyway, I appreciate your kind words and I hope to hear from you again!

[tyrantisterror]

Well gang, it's Walpurgisnacht, a time when the veil is thin and the supernatural powers are at their strongest. That also means it's the two-year anniversary of the publication of the first Wizard School Mysteries book. I had hoped to have a third out by now but life has been... well, it's been life, and things are progressing if at a slower pace than desired, that's how it goes.

ANYWAY! To keep with the faith and tide over the five or so of my followers who are actually looking forward to a third one of these (and five more after it at some point), I thought I'd share something special: the Wizard School Mysteries Freshmen Year soundtrack! Yes, like ATOM and No Sympathies before it, I've made a soundtrack for Wizard School Mysteries. It's not fully complete, mind you - this is the biggest writing project I've undertaken so far, and things are constantly developing, but the parts of it that cover the first three books are more or less done - and today, I'm sharing the first two with you, i.e. the songs that cover the freshmen year of my eight meddlesome youths.

As with the previous books, I've made a youtube playlist of the songs involved, and will post the tracklist below along with what each track corresponds to in the books. So if this kind of thing interests you, dive in after the cut!

Book 1: The Meddlesome Youths

Prologue: He's Leaving Home - She's Leaving Home by The Beatles, which is a song about a runaway teenager escaping a family that refused to acknowledge their pain. This is, obviously, a song for James Chaucer.

Chapter 1: The Treadscar Path - We Are Going to be Friends by The White Stripes. This song's about kids going to school for the first time and making friends, and while the protagonists of the song are much younger than our Meddlesome Youths, I still feel it captures the spirit of the first meeting of James, Ivan, and Gretchen.

Chapter 2: Elemental Orientation - Pursuing My True Self from Persona 4. The Persona games are the biggest influence on Wizard School Mysteries out of all its inspirations, and the opening theme for Persona 4 to this day screams "teenage sleuths diving into a mystery" to me when I hear it, which made it the perfect song for our introduction to the AAAM.

Chapter 3: Academics and Absences - Beneath the Mask -rain- from Persona 5. Second verse same as the first where Persona and WSM goes. I consider this another James Chaucer theme, both lyrically and in its general vibe, and the "rain" version's specifically moodier, more contemplative arrangement really suits where his head is at during this chapter of the book, as James is exposed to the faults in the AAAM and how it's failing some of its students.

Chapter 4: Of Chariots and Fire - She's Actual Size by They Might Be Giants. This is a Margot theme, and also kind of a James theme since it fits his view of her really well.

Chapter 5: What No Student Has Done Before - Rasputin by Bony M. This is an Oomlowt theme, which I struggled to find for a while when putting together the early versions of the WSM soundtrack, until one of my friends pointed out that, as an Aitvaras, Oomlowt could be considered Russian - and, well, as the first book's sole "cool" teacher, I think he's earned the right to claim one of the raddest fucking songs ever sung as his unofficial theme.

Chapter 6: The Hoard of Knowledge - Magic by The Mystery Skulls. I wanted a song that captures the feeling I got when entering my college's enormous, jaw-dropping library of books back in the day, which is a feeling this chapter also tried to catch. The fact that the song is full of language dealing with magic spells also helps it fit a wizard book.

Chapter 7: Tea With Mackers - The Nuckelavee Song from The Bard's Tale. Listen, this is the chapter where a nuckelavee plays a big role, and that's as good an excuse as any to use this song.

Chapter 8: The Matter of Manners - Changes by David Bowie. This is a Rodrigo theme, and I try to give him glam rock songs as much as possible to fit his vibe as the most fashionable of our wizard youths. I think the song also fits what Rodrigo is attempting to do in this chapter - namely, help his friends figure out how to fit in with a "higher" class of people.

Chapter 9: Hobgoblin Poetry - Magic Dance Underground / A Labyrinth Medley by Aurelio Voltaire. As I've opined before, I think Jim Henson's Labyrinth is one of the best illustrations of what folkloric fairies are like in terms of behavior/morality, and so for this chapter, when we get some characterization for a normal fairy underling for the big bad, I felt a Labyrinth song would be appropriate, and this medley is like half the soundtrack condensed into five minutes.

Chapter 10: The Samhain Celebration - Love Is All by Dio. Speaking of characterizing the Fae, there's a manic aspect to the cheery 70's positivity of this song that I find subtly sinister while still being playful and fun, which I think fits the dance-scene in this book quite well.

Chapter 11: Traps and Treasures - God's Away on Business by Tom Waits. This is a Fafgander theme - like Oomlowt, I kinda struggled finding a good song for him. I knew I wanted his theme to be something by Tom Waits, but I struggled to decided on one song in particular. I kept coming back to this one despite having already used it on the No Sympathies soundtrack - I generally try not to repeat myself on these to make sure each book's audio accompaniment is unique to it. But I couldn't stop picturing a big dragon slithering out of the clouds to the opening beats of this song, and the playful cynicism of the lyrics just felt very Fafgander.

Chapter 12: A Wild Hunt & Chapter 13: The Summer Prince - Tam Lin by The Fairport Convention. Yeah, I know, kinda cheating to lump two chapters under one song, but Tam Lin is a long-ass song, though short by Medieval Ballad standards. A song about a clever mortal finding a way to trick a high-ranking fairy noble into releasing a person she was intending to use as a sacrifice is, I think, a pretty fitting song for the climax of book 1.

Chapter 14: The End of the Beginning - This Must Be the Place by The Talking Heads. A song about finding comfort and solace despite the uncertain future that lies before you, because you have people around you to help lift your spirits, which is exactly where our heroes are emotionally by the end of book 1.

Book 2: Tournament of Death

Chapter 1: The Dragon Tithe - Don't Let's Start by They Might Be Giants. There's a fan-made Adventure Zone animatic to this song that kind of cemented it as a Fantasy song in my mind despite there being no inherent fantasy elements to the lyrics. I mean, I already loved this song, They Might Be Giants has been one of my favorite bands since I started actively considering what my favorite bands are, but this just added to that love. Like a lot of TMBG songs, it's got a very peppy, upbeat vibe while having pretty dark lyrics, which feels pretty appropriate to the tone of WSM as a whole and Tournament of Death in particular.

Chapter 2: The Dragon Trick - Just the Right Bullets by Annabelle Chvostek. This is a theme for Juno Panopte, and was chosen for a couple reasons. First, Annabelle performs this song with just the right sort of gritty, vaguely sleazy charm that I wanted Juno to ooze. She's a charismatic teacher who nonetheless puts you a little on edge - you're never sure if she's fucking with you or not. Second, it's a cover of a Tom Waits song by a lady, and Juno Panopte, the character who represents the Empress arcana in WSM's tarot motiff, is a sort of equivalent to Fafgander, the Emperor arcana - and another character with a Tom Waits song as his theme.

Chapter 3: Curios of Calampen - Marketland by Lemon Demon. This is a song about people trying to hock weird shit to you at a flea market, for a chapter about our heroes buying weird shit at a flea market.

Chapter 4: Herring Lordred - Chaos King (with lyrics) by ManontheInternet. A theme for Lord Dhenregirr, and specifically for his duel with James at the start of the titular deadly tournament.

Chapter 5: The Sundown's Shine - Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In) by White Denim. Yeah, it's the version from the Fargo TV show. Obviously this is a song for Geoffrey Travers, out Dude-inspired wizard.

Chapter 6: Chivalry Dies - The Impossible Dream (The Quest) from Man of La Mancha. If there is a song that more succinctly captures the ideals of chivalry and gallant knighthood, I have not heard it, and no other song could make for a better funeral dirge for poor Gabriev Zelgad.

Chapter 7: Grudge Match - Barracuda by Heart. I looked for so many other songs for this chapter because Barracuda seemed like to obvious a choice, but nothing fit as well and, hey, this is me we're talking about, and more than that, it's Midgaheim. I am not one to avoid obvious, one might even say cliche, story choices if they appeal to me. And, like, this is specifically a song about confronting and telling off your abuser, very few things would fit this chapter better. A second theme for Margot, obviously.

Chapter 8: A Needlessly Gendered Night Out - Sandstorm by Danude. Ok, so, in every high school dance, as well as every dance club I went to in college (which was, like... three? I think? I did not party nearly enough when I was young) played this song at some point, so it's cemented in my head as THE song for teenagers/young adults doing stupid shit and getting into ridiculous drama, so I included it despite it being even longer than fucking Tam Lin.

Chapter 9: Lightning Struck - Under Pressure by Queen. A song that perfectly captures the teenager/young adult condition of, like, complete and total anxiety that any moment now you could ruin your life forever without meaning to. A song for Polybeus, but also for all the Meddlesome Youths, and really for all young people everywhere.

Chapter 10: Well-Timed Pranks - The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel. Once I remembered and accepted that being trite/cliche/obvious is very much my bag, I figured what the hell, let's use one of the most-overused songs about dealing with grief for the chapter that's about dealing with grief, because this song happens to be really fucking good at describing the process of dealing with grief.

Chapter 11: Wasp Under Glass - Woman!! Spirit of the Festival from Sakura Wars (2019). This song is a leitmotif for the most under-developed lady in the main cast of this game, which is a shame because the song itself is a fucking banger. Here it serves not just as a theme for Serena (hopefully more well-developed as a character) but specifically for her fight with Sadie Pineed. Can you hear the part where all the towers fall down? I can.

Chapter 12: Deadly Threads - General's Battle Song from Centaurworld. This is a song about a character who's seemed pretty affable and cool revealing his true colors as a total bastard, and on this unofficial soundtrack it serves as a theme for Richard Rainsford. If you read the second book, you know why.

Chapter 13: The Fury of Stars and Shards - Get Along from Slayers. This is specifically a theme for Margot and Serena's two-on-two fight with the saboteurs of the tournament. Can you hear the part where Serena gets the power up? Or when our two heroines, having dealt with the first saboteaur, bear down on the second and utterly curbstomp him? I can!

Chapter 14: Triumph of the Chariot - La Bete et la Belle by The Real Tuesday Weld. The Real Tuesday Weld is another of my favorite bands, and this song is actually a reprise of their song "The Ugly and the Beautiful" from their concept album I, Lucifer (which is in turn the official soundtrack for a novel of the same name by Glenn Duncan). The song itself is about a somewhat toxic relationship between two deeply unwell people, but this reprise differs from the first instance of it by being more sweet and mellow in how it's arranged which, combined with it being sung in French instead of English like its predecessor, softens a lot of its edges and brings the sweeter, more hopeful parts of the song to the forefront. I picked it as a song for James and Margot - two people who, while not toxic, are still a bit broken and unwell because of their life experiences - who are finding hope in each other and the people around them.

#Wizard School Mysteries #Tumblr if you tag this as “youtube” I'm stealing your kidneys

[neoyongz]

no body, no crime 🩸 | alex turner

you aren’t letting up until you dig into the reason alex cheated on your friend.

warnings: this is fully based in no body, no crime by taylor swift & haim, the fic is centered around alex but there’s plenty of louise mentions since a part of the plot revolves around her, no smut, no fluff, criminal theme & plot, death

words count: 2.4k

disclaimer: english is not my first language so, in advantage, i apologize for grammar mistakes 🤭

“Louise! here!” you said as you saw your friend enter by the restaurant’s door. Louise was your best friend, you two met some years ago at work but even after you both left the company, you kept in contact with her.

“There you are! How are you?” Louise hugged you as her pearly-white smile showed up between her lips.

“Pretty good, no complaints. How ‘bout you? Have a seat, please” After the hug, she took her seat in front of you right before the waiter came to serve the drinks. “I already ordered, don’t worry” It was always the same menu for the both of you: pasta and a glass of wine for each.

“Oh, many things happened” You both thanked the waiter and he left. “Remember what I told you about Alex? That he started coming home very late and acting very weird?” You nodded and took a sip of your wine. “Well, today I checked our joint account and he sent some very expensive jewelry. Woman jewelry” She sighed. “Not mine”

You gasped and opened your eyes like big plates. “Wait a minute. It could be… his mom’s? maybe?” Louise took a sip of her wine and took her phone out of her pocket.

“Nah, her mom hasn’t left any jewelry for him as far as I know. I guess I should start, you know… coming to terms with this situation. Since the merlot incident, he left a bottle in his car which neither of us bought and he also had the taste of it, I've been watching him very closely, and he’s definitely hiding shit” Louise never cursed but she was really angry at her husband. For her, it felt like throwing 3 years of marriage to the garbage.

“That ain’t my merlot on his mouth, that ain’t my jewelry on our joint account…”

“I’m so sorry about that… Are you planning on divorcing? I could help you with that, my sister’s a lawyer” You took her hand and looked at her with a sad expression. You knew Alex very well, enough to know that he wasn’t like that. He would never cheat on anyone, say less about someone like Verneuil. He loved her with her whole heart, how did this happen?

“Yes, but I know this is nothing more than suspicions and there’s no proof that he actually… cheated” That last word hitted Louise on her chest like a bullet to her heart. “I know about your sister though, no need to worry, I’ll call her if I need to” Her phone vibrated. The screen showed a message from Alex; are u coming home babe?

Louise didn’t even think about replying, she was sick of thinking about Alex. The man that had enough balls to cheat on her and call her “babe” every fucking night. She had so much remorse, but nothing could be proven yet.

“For now, I just think he did it but there’s no way to prove it” Louise turned off her phone and looked at you, searching for any excuse to change the way of the talk as she felt her eyes tearing up.

“I think he did it but I just can’t prove it…”

[ . . . ]

You opened the front door and took your bag and car keys. It was a sunny Thursday at 9 am, you were just about to go to work at your dad’s house to clean it and take care of him. You were unemployed but weren’t looking for a job anyway, you made your way to survive with your savings and the thing you were most looking for was a time to relax alone and maybe go on a vacation.

You entered your car and right after switching it on, you started driving. It was common routine to pass Louise’s and Alex’s house as both houses were very close, only 2 blocks away. You saw Alex carrying a big black bag with some tools, not his regular work tools and getting in his car too, an old fashioned red Ford Capri which was actually very dirty after the couple went on a trip to the desert less than a week ago.

Well, the bottom of the car was quite dirty but the tires weren’t: were they new? You drove slowly when you passed by his side to wave at him, and so he did. Actually, you were looking at his car’s brand new tires. It wasn’t too weird at all because it isn’t like no one gets new tires, but his old ones didn’t seem damaged at all… or maybe you were in your head a little too much trying to help getting proofs for Louise.

Once you passed their house’s block, you kept on driving while listening to the radio. Well, you couldn’t say you weren't mad at Alex for what Louise supposed he did, he claimed to be extremely loyal to her and the whole relationship was very good for both of them, they seemed really happy with each other. So, what was the reason behind him cheating? The whole situation was very blurry, and if you were already feeling that much remorse for Alex, you couldn’t imagine how heartbroken Louise would be feeling as you were thinking about them.

Thinking about the situation helped the time to go faster than usual and before you could even realize, you were already parking at your dad’s house. Driving there was a muscle memory thing for you to do. Once you left your car, you went inside the house and found your dad watching his old TV, as usual.

“Darling” He said with a smile and got up to greet you.

“Hi, have you been feeling well?” You left your bag on the sofa and approached him. “Did you take your meds?” He was sick and not able to go to work, so taking care of him was important for you right now.

“Yes, don’t worry. Want some coffee?” You said no before looking at the TV, it’s sound became a little loud as the news channel announced something important, or it seemed like so.

“Nah, I had breakfast. Thanks. Let me clean this for you” You took your dad’s cup, he had breakfast not a while ago. You carried the cup and the little plate he used for his biscuits to the kitchen while keeping your ears fixed on the TV.

“We are live from your local News Channel sadly reporting that a 34 years old blonde and short haired, slim and tall girl in Sheffield named Louise Verneuil went missing Wednesday’s morning. We have her husband on the line giving the first clues, can you hear us?”

“He reports his missing wife and I noticed when I passed his house his truck has got some brand new tires…”

The plate and the cup fell off your hands as soon as you heard Louise’s name. You were frightened. Your face was pale, your whole body started shaking and you walked to the TV.

“What?…” You whispered. Your dad looked at you, concerned.

“Is everything okay?” He got close to you and hugged you as soon as he noticed your eyes getting wet and filled with tears.

“Dad… it’s Louise” You whispered and bursted out crying while hiding in your dad’s chest, hearing Alex’s voice on the TV.

“I don’t know what happened, she left for work yesterday’s morning but hasn’t come back since and her phone is off. Her phone is always on, she is not getting the calls either… I’m scared, we’ve been married for years and I don’t know what could’ve happened to her”

You clenched your teeth as you heard his sayings, there was something off in his tone. His voice didn’t connect to his “scared” feeling. There was something wrong and you knew it.

[ . . . ]

You’ve been watching Alex very closely. You recently noticed a new woman coming to his house and your blood has been boiling since. It was true. He was cheating on Louise, but still no news about her. It’s been about a week since her going missing and your heart has been aching more than ever, you knew Louise wouldn’t do something like that, and that someone made her do it or even worse. Someone could have hurted her or something like that. But no news about that, only a few signs you saw Louise’s mom putting up on the street.

On the other side of the street, a few blocks away, Alex was setting himself to go to bed, calm as he has never been before. After having dinner with his former mistress, the woman he cheated on Louise with.

“Al, I just know you’re hiding something. Tell me right now” The woman followed him around the house.

“I have nothing to hide” He said, opening the closet. “Just stop asking, I don’t fucking know anything about Louise. Stop bringing her up”

“You act like you haven't been married to her for 3 years! You don’t even look sad” She screamed, even if she knew she was in the wrong position to be reclaiming Alex’s sadness towards Louise, it was impossible to not feel frightened by the fact that he didn’t shed a single tear in a week after her wife went missing.

“Let me cope with it alone. I don’t like showing off my emotions” His stupid excuse ended up convincing the woman. “Leave me alone” She sighed and left the room, going towards Louise’s former bed just to watch her own things all over the bed. Her heart ached at the thought of sleeping in that woman’s bed, and felt extremely guilty.

“And his mistress moved in, sleeps in Este’s bed and everything…”

[ . . . ]

You put on your latex gloves as you start to clean up the table, making sure to get rid of every little thing that would look off-putting. You were very meticulous with this cleaning, it was a very special case. You mopped the floor and once you finished, you considered it was enough, so you took the big and heavy bag that had been waiting for you at the backdoor for around an hour and opened the wood door.

You rushed through the backyard and threw the bag on your car’s backseat. You pulled the zipper all the way up and got on the driver’s seat, before slamming the pedal and heading to the river you visited last night. You were very calm even if your actions felt rushed: you just wanted the situation to end and just get over it.

You took the highway and drove for around 45 minutes. It was late at night and the stars were sparkling white, shining all around the dark blue sky above your head. The jazz music on the radio helped you relax even more, breathing slowly and even smiling while getting out of the highway to take a dirt road, heading to the entrance of the river. Once you arrived, you knew no one was there, so you took the bag out of the backseat and threw it to the boat you set up last night, and went even further on the river. It was loud as the water slammed your boat and the rocks around. After a few minutes getting deep into the river, you decided it was about time. You opened the zipper and looked at what you had in there for a few seconds. You doubted a little bit, but there was no coming back after this. After coming to terms with your own mind, you took the bag and threw it to the water. You watched the bag disappear before your eyes, feeling a bit of remorse. But never regretted it.

“Good thing, my daddy made me get a boating license when I was fifteen…”

[ . . . ]

The cameras followed Louise’s sister when she got out of the court, the reporters shoving their microphones on her face. “What happened inside? Any news about Alex? What did the mistress say? And Louise’s friend? What about her?”

“Guys, guys, stop” Louise’s sister stopped them and took a minute to breathe through the air gap the reporters left above her. “What we know so far is that the mistress was there the night Turner went missing. And Turner was the last one to ever put his sight on Louise” She sighed. “Louise’s friend has nothing to do with this case. She was with me the whole day Alex went missing”

“Good thing Este’s sister is gonna swear she was with me”

“Are you sure she was with you?” A reporter slammed her microphone into her face.

“She was with me, dude” She looked annoyed. “The mistress is just gonna get her payment for the life insurance. Really don’t know about her future in this case but all we can ask is justice for Louise”

“And good thing, the mistress took out a big life insurance policy…”

“Who is the main suspect?” The reporter didn’t seem satisfied with her answer.

“They think the mistress did it but there’s no actual proof. They both went missing but the only one found was Louise’s body, which had Alex’s DNA all over it. Pretty dumb of him if you ask me” She took a cigarette calmly, as if no one was around her. “It is clear that Turner killed Louise. But they don’t know how or why he went missing… maybe to not be held accountable” She lit the cigarette and took a puff. “Anyway, no one has found Turner, so the case will keep going for quite some time until they come up with a resolution. That’s all the news for today” She spoke now relaxed, and the reporters greeted her and left.

“They think she did it but they just can’t prove it…”

Once Louise’s sister was alone, she took her phone and called you. You were watching the whole case getting covered by the news, so even if you weren’t there, you were very updated with the info about it.

“Were you watching?” She said, and smiled as she heard your voice down the line, affirming. “It’s clear what that bitch is going for. She’s trying to get you involved in the Alex thing with a very weak argument in my opinion. But she’s not getting away with it” She took a puff from her cigarette.

“I know, I know. Don’t worry, we know what’s gonna happen next. Thanks” You said and took a sip out of your coffee. “I’ll call you later, gotta go”

“Okay, no worries. Goodbye” She said and after ending the call, she put her phone in her pocket.

“She thinks I did it but she just can’t prove it…”

“As they said… no body, no crime” You whispered as you saw Alex’s picture coming up on the TV screen. “You knew that I wasn’t letting up until the day you died”

[ . . . ]

haiii !! thank u so much for reading :p remember that this fic is purely based on the song and I added a few details to make it a little more realistic. I don’t think I will be doing any other fic similar to this one even if I absolutely enjoyed writing it hehe anyways, thank u for stopping by !! love ya xx

#alex turner #arctic monkeys #alex turner fanfic #alex turner x reader #alex turner x y/n #alex turner x you #alex turner imagine #no body no crime #taylor swift inspired #music fic #Spotify

[theneighborhoodwatch]

ramble about wally & home's codependent swag. do it. you know you want to /lh

sorry for sitting so long on this one, anon. it's good to let thoughts Ferment sometimes. anyway - [pulls up a chair to sit down on it backwards, facing you]

so, the way i see it: it all comes back to home, yeah? home is not just the house - home is also the name of the town, it is very likely the town itself, and that town may be (as far as we know) the entire world. the very Concept of the home been discussed by clown as a central theme of welcome home a few times on his blog. when i say that home is everything, i do mean everything, and i don't think there's anyone for whom that rings more true than wally.

i know i link back to my older posts a lot, but i swear this one is relevant bc i wanna elaborate on a point that i make in the first half of it: the way i see it (as of the time of this writing) home, in all senses of the word, is wally's top priority. which is not to say that his devotion towards home supersedes everything else, but that everything else sort of feeds back into it by design. the neighbors? they are there to inhabit home. we, the audience? we are there to perceive home and round out its population. the WHRP*? they said it themselves - they're there to make that fucking house a home. home is everything, and in turn, everything is for the sake of preserving home. wally cares for his neighbors, and he cares for Us, but would either of those still be the case if there was no home to preserve? i'm not sure.

there is a catch to this, though. of course there is. wally's identity already seems tied pretty heavily to other people; he learns from his neighbors, and he does so on the audience's behalf. given everything i've written in the above paragraph, this can arguably be an extension of his devotion to home, however genuine those relationships may be in their own right. in other words, home (more specifically the restoration/preservation of home) is not only wally's chief motivation, but as far as he's concerned, the reason he exists at all. i think a lot about these tags that @pretty-in-possible (hope you don't mind the tag) left on a post of mine describing their image of wally:

and i had something very similar in mind. if wally's goal truly is the restoration/preservation of home - in this context, his raison d'être, the basis for his entire sense of self - then i can imagine why he would be willing to follow his original role as closely as he could even 50 years after the end of the original show. i can imagine that outgrowing that role in any capacity would feel like a sin. i can imagine that watching his friends outgrow theirs, or at least express a desire to do so, would seem extremely reckless to him, if not an outright betrayal.

("wait," you might say. "doesn't tampering with the site technically count as him adapting/evolving past his original role as audience surrogate?" "yes 8]" i would say. i would not elaborate, and then we would move on.)

i've mostly been talking about wally's side of things, and the reason for that is mostly that wally is just easier to speculate about. home is such a mystery that some people aren't even sure if they're the same being that was on the original show; i've seen people posit that whatever home is now, it is Not what they were originally, either that they're undead or that they've since become a husk for Something Else to inhabit, or some third thing i'm forgetting. either way, i think it's interesting that as attached as wally is to home, even he doesn't seem to be able to assess whatever their needs are with 100% accuracy - if the duet audio is to be believed, there's at least Some guesswork involved. who's to say that wally isn't just hearing what he wants to hear, at least some of the time?

i wonder - how does home feel about being an Embodiment, not of just the town, but of the very word "home?" are they frustrated with the fact that even wally, their own inhabitant, can never fully understand them, and has become resentful? do they appreciate the effort regardless, but feel a growing impatience gnawing at them day by day? are they apathetic at best towards wally, but need him to fulfill some goal or another, since they're an inanimate building? either way, i can't help but feel that home also relies on wally in some way; perhaps not as heavily as he relies on them, perhaps not in the same way or for the same reasons. but there is something Mutual there, i think.

tl;dr: these two are hurtling towards disaster and i, for one, cannot wait to see every last bit of it. here are two songs that remind me of them every time i hear them, the realization of which is often accompanied by guttural wailing.

* wally doesn't seem to have any strong feelings towards the WHRP team outside of maybe sharing the same motivation as them (i.e. restoration) but this may be because he's either hiding from them and also doesn't seem like the kind of guy to Express negative emotions, or he because he is the WHRP team - we'll see how things shake out.

#anonymous #ask #welcome home #wh speculation #wally darling #home #finally. it's been a while since i've been publicly unwell on this blog

[minecraftbookshelf]

What does the word fae actually, specifically, mean in the marriage of the state AU? Because they’re not really a species, with faeries, elves, gnomes, and the deep folk all being fae/fae adjacent. Plus there doesn’t seem to be any fairy realm/feywild present in the AU, just the spring at most.

So like from a crystal cliffs, scientific perspective, what are they, what characterizes them, where do they come from?

Are faeries really animals at all or more creeperish (based on your creeper lore) or something else entirely? Can there be half faeries, with either elves or humans?

You’ve mentioned before they sort of dissolve when they die, so are they even totally physical, made of bones and fat and such?

What’s the deal with elves being half-fae, is there a biological-ish connection or decendantcy to/from faeries there? With half elves existing for sure, (hi gem) did humans and elves both from a common ancestor, or did one come from the other? Did the separation happen naturally, or was it like hybrids with the meddling of magic or spirits? (Or Aeor?) Are they maybe just totally unconnected, and being similar enough to have half elves just a handwavey/magic thing?

I love really getting into how fantasy world work and they’re history, so all of your Worldbuilding stuff has such a great hold over me, I love how deep you think into the day to day. I think that was the first period in this whole ask, lol. Sending a huge wall of vaguely related questions seems to be becoming a habit. Anyway, have a great day!

Hello! Sorry for the delay, IRL things kept happening!

And buckle up a bit because this is the one where the fact that I'm a massive Tolkien nerd really shows through, we're pulling heavily from the Silmarillion for this one. (Smajor did it first it is part of the canonical lore)

Also I have spent a long time (Since I was like, four years old. I was an extremely normal child and not autistic at all.) with a lot of versions and types of fairy tales, so I do sometimes forget exactly what knowledge of The Rules of the Genre people tend to be familiar with, so if something seems to be missing a few steps in the explanations please ask about it and I will do my best. Sometimes that might just be me pointing and being like "but that's the way it works" but I can try anyway XD

--

Basically, "Fae/Fae Adjacent" is both referring to a specific race, and is also the shorthand that I use to classify the Races That Came First. In Tolkien's work, you have the elves, who woke up an age before the first men. And by the time humanity even existed they'd had like, two wars and a massive migration. They are part of, I believe, the Second Theme of the Great Music, while men are part of the Third.

So when I say someone or a species is fae or kind of fae or any variation of that, it means that they are part of one of the races who have been on the Empires world longer, (several thousand years longer than the mortals) and share some of the characteristics of those races. (With one notable exception that I will get to)

These characteristics are mostly limited to longevity, of different flavors, and inherent abilities that would be classed as magical by mortals but that are usually very understated along the lines of having an exceptionally green thumb. I think I've said it in a previous post somewhere, maybe the Wool one, but Xornoth and Scott's elemental abilities are Very Unusual among elves and are a strong indication of the Divine meddling in their lives.

-

The Fae/Faeries who inhabit the Overgrown and are connected to the Spring, are the eldest surface-dwelling beings, and are the Actual Fae. They are most closely related to the Deep Folk, they just separated very early on and, as a species, they are incredibly responsive to environmental requirements and divergent evolution happened very quickly.

Fae are fully sentient. They are people, not animals, just Uncanny People.

The Overgrown and specifically the Spring's Grotto are a kind of Feywild. In that they are very heavily magical and tend to be difficult or impossible to find or navigate to anyone they don't want to be, and mortals in general. They don't tend to take up exactly the right amount of physical space they should. It's also kind of unclear if the fae have more of an influence over the environment or if it has an influence over them. (It's a little bit of both.) They tend to have a lot of variance, as individuals, though butterfly traits and cat traits are both fairly common, and Katherine specifically has both of those. These are less because of connections to said species and more environmental responses.

Some parts of the Overgrown are deliberately kept to be at least a little bit less hostile to visitors, mostly for diplomatic purposes, though visitors are rare for good reason.

(The other rulers, who tend to run in and out of Katherine's house with impunity, are something of an exception to this, and most of them have some level of magical connection to something or other that gives them at least a little bit of resistance or immunity to the surroundings. The primary exception to this is Fwhip, who has had to be extracted from Situations more than once by Gem or Katherine.)

There are also other Fae, besides the inhabitants of the Overgrown, the other three courts just have left. Whether that is just the geographical region or the specific plane of existence is fairly unclear. The Overgrown is home to the Spring Court, who are...not fully seelie or unseelie, though they tend towards seelie. (This does not mean they are truly friendly, or that they aren't dangerous)

-

Elves are younger than the Fae proper, though not by much. There used to be a lot more of them, covering the entire mountain range that Rivendell is only part of (this is totally not plot relevant at all :) ) and also some of what is now the edges of the Crystal Cliffs, the Grimlands, and the Spawn Lands. (Which would later become the place the first mortals woke up, thus its name and also status as a neutral location used for most meetings between empires.)

There were a few different peoples among the elves, though they have since been whittled down to two main surviving demographics, though the occasional traits do pop up from others from time to time. Both of these are mountain people, and are the ones that I shorthand as "owl elves" and "deer elves" or "mountaintop" and "lowlands and valleys" respectively, though these are simplifications and not entirely accurate tbh. They have two different, though related, languages. Xornoth and Scott are a mixture of both, which, while not super common in Rivendell, isn't unheard of either. Thus their wings and antlers combo.

Like the Fae, Elves as a species are fairly closely tied to and responsive to their environment, which is why despite the antlers and/or wings, they have a not undeserved reputation for stealth. (as opposed to the Fae, who do sometimes literally become part of the environment, Elves are just very good at blending into it.)

-

The Deep Folk, after they split off from the Fae and migrated under the surface, also evolved into a few different branches. Sirens are the one most well known to surface-dwellers, though there are few individuals left who can claim to be a full siren.

The Deep Folk intermingled with their mortal counterparts more than the land-based fae peoples, and so while the Sea Folk are for the most part mortal, some of them tend to be a little bit uncanny or have exceptionally long life-spans. This is incredibly normalized for them and the much stronger segregation between land fae and land mortals was a bit off-putting for a lot of the Sea Folk when they began interacting.

-

the Gnomes actually are not technically fae specifically because they are not native to this reality.

Shrub's description of her people and their own nature combined meant that she got classed as a fae race because she had enough in common, but she's not quite fae or mortal. The rules of their home dimension are a bit to the left of this worlds. The decision was mostly made based off of the depth of the connection that gnomes have with their environment, though as a rule they aren't especially long-lived or otherwise magical.

So Shrub isn't Fae, but they aren't Mortal either.

-

Allays and Vexes are about the same level of sentience as creepers. just less explosive. They grow from magic the same way creepers grow from the land. They're actually the same species, just different varieties.

--

The different Rates of Decay, for lack of a better phrasing have to do with the level of influence and connection to the environment. Also like, if Katherine, for example, were to die in the Spring Grotto, her body would basically disappear instantly; vs if she were to die in the End or the Nether, which are separate planes that are completely foreign to her Nature, her body would be perfectly preserved until it was returned to the Overworld. Even if it was thrown into the Void or the Lava Sea.

I think that answered most of the points? I would apologize for how long this is but I have a feeling you don't mind XD

If I did miss anything or if there are any follow up questions by all means ask them, whether in the notes, as a reblog, or my askbox.

Thank you, as always, for your asks. They are so much fun to answer!

#ask and it shall be answered #whoevenknowswhatshappening #rain rambles #marriage of state au #empires smp #empires s1 #long post is long #mos: asks #mos: ocean empire #mos: rivendell #mos: the overgrown #mos: the undergrove #mos: worldbuilding

[angel-of-hunky-doryness]

The Conflicts of Disney's Hercules (Part 1): Meg vs Hades

Long post y'all.

I promised my diva of a sponsor to get to this and since my last post gained steam, I thought I'd finally talk about one of my favorite Villain vs Heroine conflicts in Disney's canon. This will be a bit of a mini series as I break down and explore the conflicts in the movie, think Hades vs Zeus vs Hercules, Hercules/Hades vs the Fates, etc. As I continue the series if you have a suggestion for one you want me to deep dive I would love to hear it!

That's the fun part about Tumblr, the opportunity to hear voices and begin discussion about little things no one mentions in a 20+ old film. Also, bare in mind I will be exploring other Disney films eventually, but I've just spent too long digging in the Hercules trenches i can't help but gush about it even if it is far from my favorite Disney film.

Also fair warning ahead of time but there is a CW in one section of this post that can be easily circumvented if you so wish. There will be a space and *** symbols to indicate when it starts and when it ends as we discuss some dark themes and symbolism.

Now on to the evening's entertainment!

The history of Disney hero(ine) vs villain goes all the way back to Disney's very first animated film: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. In this film, we are treated to a classic clash between good vs evil with well-established background that fully explains the animosity the Queen has towards Snow White and to a lesser known extent of myself when I was 3. However, keep in mind, the Queen interacts with Snow White through indirect sources like the Huntsman and when the Queen disguises herself as a hag.

To summarize in case you haven't seen the movie, Snow White finally gets to the ripe old age where a person can finally be considered fair, which I suppose is 14 years old. The queen gets so frazzled her hair falls out and turns white and ages about seventy years or something.

Anxiety, hits at every age y'all. Even for the wickedly beautiful.

And so ensues the assassination plot of an abused princess who manages to escape and finally gets the love and life she dreamed about for so, so long.

The reason I'm using Snow White as a jumping off point is because we have the very first example in Disney's canon of a deal being offered to an otherwise naïve young girl.

And that naïve young girl accepts out of her own volition, no forcing, no pressuring, at the end of the day, taking a bite of a poisoned apple or in Meg's case taking Hades' hand sealing both Heroine's fate.

Now, while Disney's Hercules touches on how Meg got ensnared in Hades' plans, let's review what we do know:

Meg was at the end of her rope when her ex died. So much so that she was willing to do anything to get him back, and she meant it. While we do not know exactly how healthy Meg and her ex's relationship was before his untimely demise, the fact that her Ex ran off with another girl soon after tells me a lot on what the relationship was really like. It wasn't as steadfast or true as Meg had previously believed.

Oh yeah, weird side note, but we're completely ignoring Twisted tales: Go the Distance. Yeah, way to go. You took away Meg's chance to shine and connect with an unspoken minority in the audience. Do you know how many friends of mine found so much connection with Meg because she had been in a prior abusive relationship and still found love despite all the trauma she went through? Meg's iconic. Having Hades be the reason her ex took off is such a dumb move. I don't think he was that invested in her personal life to ruin it even further just to mess with her. He could care less, he's focused on taking over Olympus rn.

"Priorities, Jafar," - hey gifmakers of the world???

Anyway, tangent over.

So Meg's whole life revolved around her ex, and she was willing to put in the sacrifice and effort to be with him, but he snubbed her. The movie is very clear that the reason Meg is so cynical when we meet her is b/c she used to be a very openly sweet and loving person back when everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. And in that period, when she was so enamored with this Joe Schmo, she was probably starry eyed and saw everything in rose-colored glasses and thus didn't see the red flags of this chump. But she grew up and learned from her mistakes, but in a path that stopped her from ever trusting or loving someone else.

It's interesting, but Meg's ex comes up again at least referenced in I won't Say(I'm in Love), in the line:

"I thought my heart had learned its lesson..."

But when Meg sings that line, do you know what part of the garden she's in?

***CONTENT WARNING: R*pe. We will be discussing the setting of where I won't say (I'm in Love) takes place and picking apart at the various statues littered about in the Greek courtyard.

.

.

.

.

.

Now the garden is filled with statues of lovers and other symbols of love, but some that are not examples of love, specifically ones that revolve around scenes of r*pe.

The reference to her ex by the aforementioned lyric is when Meg's surrounded by scenes of r*pe: We have a centaur carrying off a lady and a satyr chasing after a girl. A common theme in greek myths, and I can't help but feel this was intentional on the writer's part. They are shouting and screaming at us that Meg's ex was a bad dude. Why would the only reference to her past dating life be when she's surrounded by the only sexually perverse imagery in this entire scene? Of males taking advantage of women? Carrying them off when they are not at all interested based on their body language?

-

-

-

***

I think that's why when Meg and Hades talk after her fake dating AU with Hercules their whole conversation is filled with so much substance. The song pushes so much character development for Meg that it enables her to face her trauma head-on and accept the past and still have the courage to move forward and try again with this budding new relationship now that the Muses helped support her- as her back-up chorus and her conscience lol.

But there's still one problem. One overhanging problem that's give or take 7 feet tall of abandonment and anger issues, permeating with the stench of sulfur and brimstone.

When the song ends, Hades almost immediately appears in the most on the nose way. By ripping apart a pair of young lovers as he emerges from the Underworld like the extra edgelord he is.

Thus begins my favorite scene of the movie. Songs don't count.

Now we've seen Meg and Hades interacting before and I will touch upon the scene after Zero to Hero later, but its poignant to get to the only time they really have a true clash first. The garden scene is the first time Meg is facing Hades as a heroine and not a reluctant minion.

Gosh, I love it when a girl goes feral, and Meg goes all out here. The interchange between Meg and Hades is written so tightly and neatly, everyone is dripping with so much character I just adore it.

But the most ironic part that isn't given much thought is why Hades says his most iconic and memeable line:

You bet this line is hilarious, but look at Hades' expression in the gif before. The exaggerated eyeroll, the sagging shoulders of disbelief as Meg is full of so much love and hope she almost forgets who's she's saying all this to.

The irony of Meg gushing about Hercules to Hades is this: Meg and Hades have had this exact conversation before. But now the guy in questions isn't her ex, it's Hercules.

And this time around, Hades is done beating around the bush and pretending everything is hunky-dory. Last time, he was fine with her going on about her ex and gushing about how "great" of a guy he was b/c he just wanted to take her soul. Hades probably had to fish her Ex out and knew what kinda guy he was once he read his record. In fact, I'm willing to wager, Hades has had multiple women similar to Meg who had done the same as her for some deadbeat.

And that's why Hades comes across as so annoyed by her being back in the same position.

Didn't she learn her lesson? Hell, even Hades knows guys can be pigs. And a small part of me has always wondered if his annoyance is also springing up b/c he knows that Hercules is a son of Zeus. While I don't think Hades ever had a soft spot for Meg- went lenient with her, etc, I can't help but wonder if Hades saw Hercules as someone who got around like Zeus and had a reputation like Zeus' other sons, ie, Apollo, Hephaestus, and even Hermes(yes Hermes had a lot of kids with tons of women). So Hades might legitimately be trying to warn her. I mean he's about to set her free, he's trying to pass on some good advice here before he disappears from her life

Btw, Ares is the only son of Zeus and the only god in Greek mythology who ever had a 100% confirmation rating of consensual relationships.

Be like Ares.

As the scene continues to play out, we start to see that as Meg continues to resist Hades' attempts for her to spill about Hercules' weakness, we see Hades for the first time lose it at Meg instead of his imps.

What little control Meg thought she had in her servitude comes crashing down and I think it's at that moment she realizes how much Hades had been holding back or really how good he was at pretending. He had been manipulating her into thinking she had a platform/control in her life. When Hades takes off his mask and Meg realizes when he had "convinced" her to seduce Hercules in a classic Samson and Delilah situation, it was never her choice. And now she's second guessing if Hades really intended to free her for the information she was undercover for.

He has all the leverage in the world after all.

That's why despite the threat Hades made on her life, she doesn't budge one bit. B/c she loves Hercules more than her own safety. And Meg triumphantly declares to Hades that he lost b/c Hercules can't be beaten b/c of his lack of weaknesses.

Only to realize too late that Hades possesses far more emotional intelligence to understand what's going on. Villains who understand that love is a motivator for people and don't dismiss it as a stupid chemical imbalance are some of my favorite. Not only does Hades understand that if someone like Meg had fallen so quickly then the other party had to have been a genuine person who sought her in the same way she wanted to seek him. Sure, he's taking advantage of it, but he's been around enough to know how much love can be used against people.

And I think that's why when Hades finally meets Hercules, old flame head decides to spill the beans to Hercules about Meg and her role in Hercules' downfall.

Yes, he wanted to hurt Hercules and taunt him and torment him with thoughts on how deep Hades and Meg's relationship went, but he did so to hurt Meg too.

Her show of loyalty to Herc was the last straw and Hades wanted to make sure she could never salvage a relationship with him for her slight against him. But also doing it in a way that broke her spirit and put her in a terribly guilty position that she would feel so undeserving of being with Hercules right as she is freed by him. And ensuring that she never faces Hercules again- maybe split town so she could avoid being harmed, idk.

And that makes Hades revealing Meg's complicity all the more personal. Bc Hades knows how much Meg wants to love and be loved again.

So when a powerless Hercules crumbles beneath Pain and Panic's taunting we see the first time this stubborn, hard-hearted girl cries. Not for her sake, but his.

We have seen throughout this movie that Meg and Hades have the most conflict, the most interactions, and the most character heavy scenes in the movie. They are very similar characters. Both are awfully cynical and sarcastic, both want to be free from some higher power's hold on them, and they're both bitter, bitter people who hate how their lives fell apart at the hands of someone who didn't care for them: Zeus and Joe Schmo.

Now, I'm going to backtrack and move to the Hades scene right after Zero to Hero.

Here, we get another facet of their relationship.

Hades finally realizes that he'd been sending so many beasts after Hercules, so to not be labeled insane, this time around he decides to send in a beauty. *Insert Susan Egan played Belle on Broadway joke here*

Which let's be real, should've been his first approach based on who Herc's daddy is.

But Hades doesn't try to convince Meg with yelling and screaming like he does with the boys, instead, he levels with her. Homeboy puts all his cards on the table, but does so by first empathizing with her and reminding her who helped put her in this situation.

For one second of this film, Hades shows some degree of humanity. And that is super scary. Out of the disney villains, Hades displays a huge, huge depth of emotional intelligence. I don't think any other villains compare and that's what makes him such a compelling villain. Most villains don't have that, and his ability to read the room and know how ppl work that really explains how he's able to manipulate ppl so easily. Even someone like Meg who's been putting up with him for quite a while was persuaded by him. And he does it by turning off the used car salesman persona and acting like an empathetic human being, albeit a flamed hair one.

Maybe that's why he doesn't bark orders to her, he has to appeal to her to let her be more agreeable for a better success rate. Or maybe Hades really is one of the few gods who uses consent.

When I first watched this movie as a kid I never saw the implications of Meg and Hades' relationship until I got older and watched the movie Casino (1995). James Woods, the voice actor for Hades, plays a pimp and that had a kind of whiplash for me when I realized why his role in Casino felt eerily familiar. In Meg's first scene, Hades had sent her out to recruit a centaur knowing full-well that centaur's really dig chicks. We all remember a certain statue in Meg's iconic song, I'm pretty sure the writers knew what was going on.

And that has some super dark implications right there about what Hades expected the scenario to come to and why he sent HER of all people to recruit Nessus without some kind of backup. Whether you agree on my analysis about this is something I really won't argue about. I don't personally see Hades as a pimp, but he does take on characteristics of one mostly b/c of his conman persona since they are rather similar in their manipulation tactics.

Just thought I'd put it here to give some food for thought and since I don't want to make a post on it.

In the end, after reviewing the most important scenes between Meg and Hades you can start to understand my perspective of why the conflict, the clash, and the antagonism feels the most vivid when its centered on Meg vs Hades. Far, far more so than Hercules and Hades ever had. And dare I say it? Even more than Zeus and Hades.

We only get the implications of Hades and Zeus, we don't see them at the forefront.

Everything boils down to Meg. In fact, b/c Hades drags her in, b/c she saves Hercules when he was powerless that Hades ever had the slightest chance of winning, but on the flipside, so did Hercules. If Hercules had remained a deity, he would've been lounging about too along with his parents and unprepared for the oncoming attack.

Throughout this film, Meg grows from being an unwilling participant to someone who's willing to risk it all, overcoming her fear and trauma to get the band back together to save Hercules and ends up helping him get his powers back. So it wasn't so much Hercules' actions that save the day, but Meg's.

At the end of the day, the conflict between Meg and Hades has always felt like the central conflict in Hercules more than what Hades vs Hercules was ever like. Every scene, every biting interchange, its quite obvious the two had a heated past and I can see why some ppl have shipped them even if I personally never did.

It's why I really don't see Hercules as the main character. After zero to hero, we start to lose focus on him since he has no bearing on the overall plot of stopping Hades. To me, Meg has the most growth, the most courage, and the best development in the film and that is because of how well she works as a foil to Hades, the film's antagonist.

If you made it this far, thanks for sticking around.

It's been a real slice.

#disney #disney hades #disney megara #disney hercules #hercules #hades #my rambles #greek myth #greek mythology #kinda

[hatosaur]

How exactly did you come to love TLOU? I have my own special interests that just happened upon me, so I want to know about how it was for others. also, any other games that you like?

you've asked the golden question so strap in because this is gonna be LONG:

i first got into tlou through part 2! admittedly i didn't play the og first. i did own it at the time because it seemed like one of those games you just gotta play (and i was right) and yknow ellie's gay and i dug that, but at that point i hadn't played it but knew the plot through a cinematic compilation video.

i was intrigued by part 2, specifically because of the teaser at e3 where ellie and dina dance and kiss. though i didn't have a BURNING desire to have the game, me being down for anything gay pretty much what sealed my fate. so i bought the game and played it on my older brother's ps4.

and MAN, was i obsessed pretty much immediately. looking back, it was a fever dream, just me playing the game from the moment i woke up to the moment i went to bed, nonstop...until i reached the point where ellie leaves and i stopped playing, completely distraught, and ended up watching the ending on youtube.

i was pissed, conflicted, legit fell into a deep depression after knowing how the game ends. after that point, because as we all know the shitstorm over the game was not pretty, i lingered on both sides of the fanbase for a while. because as someone who went in for the gay and had to witness the gay be destroyed, i was hurt -- but i realized after seeing anti-tlou2 people talk about their (weird and irrational) reasons for hating the game that i didn't hate the game, i was just that. hurt.

but the game is meant to hurt. there's a reason for the hurt.

and once i looked past the hurt that i felt, i analyzed hardcore, discussed with people (this is the nicest environment to do so), ate up every single detail discovered, replayed, and then i was making art, obsessively so, writing fanfiction, and now it's been 3 years and those fictional fuckers still live in my brain to this day.

and of course, i dove into the og! i remember playing the game while my online lectures (because covid lol) played in the background.

tlou is fully my biggest hyperfixation/special interest to date. i went into how but here's more of the reasons behind it:

i've talked about this a ton before but i love that though tlou has a reputation of being a dark game and people tend to read it as being about "the darkness of humanity", it's really not about that, but love and what people will do for it, as well as seeking and obtaining a purpose, even in the world's darkest conditions.

i love that it's about found family, that joel can't help but love ellie, because at the end of the day, he's not really supposed to be the heartless person he wants to pretend he is, but he's supposed to be a DAD. i love that ellie, despite never knowing the feeling of a parent, loves joel right back. i love that despite disliking him at first, she warms to him so quickly and she wears him down with her stupid jokes and her endearing weirdness.

i love that the themes of love persist through the second game even as it drags the franchise to darker places. that these are the lengths that ellie will go to not to get abby, but for joel. i love that part 2 says, "hey these bitches unhealthy" and that despite love being their motivation (abby for her dad, ellie & tommy for joel, dina for ellie, lev for his mother), it shouldn't be driving them to those ends!!!!

.....anyway for your second question, i'm picky about games but some recurring favs are apex legends, minecraft, breath of the wild, stardew valley, life is strange (watched the playthru only but loved the story sm), tell me why, and i just started horizon zero dawn! the way things are going, i think i'll like it a lot :)

#asks #talkies #not as long as i thought lol i've learned how to not go on and on about tlou unlike in 2020

[concerningwolves]

have to do some independent research for a current sensitivity read and I've just found this claim, which seems so grossly incorrect that i have no choice but to pause work and come be a petty bitch on Tumblr for a moment.

[ID: A Google search result excerpt from a web page, with part of the text highlighted. The highlighted text says: "In the time of the ancient Triple Goddess, women never went through the stage of menopause because they usually died before menopause had time to develop. That is why there are four phases of the feminine way (maiden, mother, maga and crone)." /END ID]

Okay, um. Firstly. I don't think there was ever some definitive "time of the ancient triple goddess". I know that the Triple Goddess archetype has become its own discrete thing in neopaganism and that's fine, but historically speaking there have been multiple "triple goddesses" or deity-like figures with a triple aspect. It's a pretty common theme, and they don't all align to a specific time period.

But fine, putting aside that a lot of the research into various possible Triple Goddesses is pretty damn controversial (*squints at Robert Graves*), let's say that this ~Ancient Time~ is... Ancient Greece? That probably sounds ancient enough, right? And you've got lots of mythical female trios around that time, so. The time period is about, uh, 1,500 years long. Lots of stuff happens! Most importantly for our purposes, Aristotle is born. Aristotle was writing around 2,400 years ago – and one of the things he wrote about was menopause. It's mentioned in the Bible, too. People definitely knew what menopause was! Also, if the "crone" was an ancient stage of womanhood, then someone who is old enough to be a crone must have gone through menopause first. Time is, after all, linear.

This claim contradicts itself anyway. If woman "usually" died before they reached the age of menopause, then how come they never went through menopause? To rephrase, this is like saying that most women died before they reached the age of menopause and even the ones who survived to that age.... apparently didn't go through it? for some reason?

"But Art! The internet is full of nonsense, why are you taking specific umbrage with this?" – Because it was the first thing that Google threw at me. It didn't answer my query about the origin of the phases of womanhood, and the website itself doesn't have relevant information. You know what it does have, though? Someone who is either very good at SEO, or who could shell out money for someone else to SEO-optimise that site. Why do that? Well, because essentialshift is run by a lady who claims to be a "multiple 6-figure serial entrepreneur and strategy expert" who promises to teach people (women, specifically) how to super-enhance their business by the power of.. *cleans my glasses to make sure I'm reading this right* connecting to "your intuition, your unique energetic blueprint and your own light" and then harnessing "your uniqueness, your inner-goddess energy". This will cost you in the realm of $500 per course.

It's bullshit! Worse than that, it's bullshit specifically designed to sell you a product; bullshit that fully utilises the absolute worst aspects of modern feminist neopaganism, including cultural appropriation, misinformation, gender essentialism and tradfem-adjacent rhetoric.

I need to go scrub my brain with bleach now (or at least have some cake and a cup of tea).

#to be clear i do not have a problem with neopaganism on its own #the movement has its problems but it is also genuinely meaningful to lots of people #that's fine! #but there is also a dark side. and that dark side either produces or is utilised by stuff like this #often to pull people into what's essentially a cult or scam them out of money (or both)

[titsgirlbuffy]

hey sorry if you've gotten a million alerts about me liking way too many of your posts!! i'm currently rewatching Buffy and Angel for the first time in over a decade (i first watched both shows between ages 10 and 13 so this has been an eye opening rewatch) and the hyperfixation has returned big time! I've been scouring the internet for meta and all of yours that i've read resonate with me a lot.

if you ever feel like writing them out (no pressure of course!) i'd love to read some more of your gay Wesley thoughts -- i've also always read him as gay, and i have such a strange time going into his tag on tumblr because soooo much of it is Wes/Lilah content. i'm particularly curious about your thoughts on how a gay reading of Wesley impacts his storylines with Lilah, Fred, and maybe Virginia. also sorry if all this is weird from a non-Buffy-blog stranger!!

Omg Thank You for sending this! It’s been sitting in my inbox for a while cause I needed to actually think about it in words rather than just. Autistic screeching. And also cause I wanted to see more of the Wesley/Lilah relationship to make sure my first thoughts weren’t totally baseless (if anything they’re being proven further). Just watched Apocalypse Now-ish so there’s probably later stuff I’d add in if I’d seen the whole show.

I’m really surprised by how many fans read him as straight (no offense but we have different eyes). Wesley’s coded as queer pretty often – part of it’s just the queer-coding of the Buffyverse supernatural in general (see This Old Gang of Mine for a questionable but really clear-cut example), but there’s also tons where it’s him specifically (in Sanctuary where the council’s kill squad call him out on his “perverted” relationship with Angel and also call him a ponce, Wesley stopping Angel in that same episode before the fight to make sure he knows he gave up a chance to go home and be accepted by his father and culture For Angel, multiple times in season one when outsiders assume he and Angel are together, that time Angel gets possessed by an old guy who assumes Wesley is his boyfriend and tries to let him down gently but freaks out when Wesley goes to touch him… etc etc etc). Plus the way he looked up to Angel in early seasons absolutely comes across as a crush, he and Gunn were So into each other but Wesley especially was repressed about it (running theme, man radiates internalised homophobia), and all his relationships with women… well, there’s Layers going on.

So his early relationship with Cordelia was the first time (if you don’t count just. Looking at him) I solidly thought Wesley must be gay, rather than any other label. To me that’s absolutely a comphet relationship on his part. The crucial parts of the Cordelia/Wesley relationship is that 1. He sees himself as “a bad, bad man” for wanting to pursue anything with Cordelia, and as such 2. She is completely unattainable, but 3. When it’s proven that she’s Not unobtainable actually, the relationship falls apart the instant they try to do anything about it. He’s attracted to Cordelia because it’s a safely straight crush where he’s not Allowed to actually follow through on anything (and panics the moment he does anyway), and to an extent because a relationship would give him a reason to stay in California.

I headcanon Wesley as actually working out that he’s gay between seasons 1 and 2 – purely because he’s the one who introduces the group to Caritas and was visiting it between seasons, which… do I need to explain why Caritas is a gay bar? Please feel to ask me to explain that if anyone doesn’t get it, but for now, trust me, as a frequenter of gay karaoke bars, Caritas is 100% a gay karaoke bar. This is also around the time he starts dressing differently, stops wearing multi-piece fully buttoned suits year round in California. He’s getting more comfortable being himself.

Which all makes his relationship with Virginia really interesting. They met when he was mimicking Angel’s Straight Man Persona (literally in the same episode where Angel was getting therapy and being told that his manly persona is an act and that it’s hurting him. Yeah), and I’m not totally sure if she was a beard or a purposefully chosen Public Relationship. She was a billionaire socialite – again, Wesley’s internalised homophobia is off the charts, and this is a relationship that got into the papers (and would definitely get back to his family, if they made any effort to look). Sidenote, I’m genuinely certain that he was just homeless until they got together. Wesley is established as Broke™, starts dating a billionaire, and suddenly has a large swank apartment? In LA? I am simply drawing connections. So yeah, while I’m undecided about how much Virginia knew this, their relationship reads as one based on public persona and just social climbing generally.

Fred’s the most complicated of his relationships with women. The rivalry with Gunn is probably a part of it, but actually I think a bigger part is Billy. As in, Billy, the guy who made any guy who touched him (or his blood, sorry Wes) become violently misogynistic. Side eyeing the writers for that one, but still, it Really fucked Wesley up. Fred was fine, she doesn’t blame him, but after the spell wore off Wesley literally hid in his room for a week then told her “I don’t know what kind of man I am anymore” then Cut His Hair Short Again. Some sort of closeness to Fred had been alluded to before this (protecting her in This Old Gang Of Mine despite her very much being able to protect herself, suddenly being given an interest in science despite being a linguist), but that was really the turning point for this being a textual Attraction. Even then, similar to the Cordelia thing, Wesley never makes a move (assuring everyone who asked that he would when he was ready. Okay), and when he talks about it, it’s an attraction to a Fred that literally doesn’t exist.

Fred doesn’t need anyone making a shovel talk on her behalf – she can and will just kill them herself (at the point I’m at, she and Gunn might break up because He killed someone when she’d wanted to do it on her own). There was a great moment when Lilah dressed up as “Fred”, complete with schoolgirl outfit and glasses, and the shot cut to Fred, hair down, glasses free, ready to hunt a ghost with Gunn. The irony is that the Fred who actually Does exist has way more in common with Wesley (it’s honestly just the gender that’s the issue here), but in a combo of self hatred and need to redeem himself post-Billy, Wesley’s created this sweet innocent young scientist who he needs to Protect™. Is that love? Well, he didn’t make a move when he thought it was.

I can see why people like his relationship with Lilah. They’re awful. Literally the first time they slept together it was because Wesley was So depressed and was hoping he wouldn’t regret it until the morning (didn’t work. Regretted it instantly). He doesn’t have a job, and Lilah’s trying to recruit him to W&H. I said, the second time we saw them on screen, that he was prostituting himself. I was joking! But uh. Canon jokes about how “giving” Lilah is. Expensive bribes (“gifts”, Lilah insists) Wesley could never afford. He makes a bet with her for ONE DOLLAR, loses, she MAKES HIM SIGN THE DOLLAR, and then LEAVES IT WITH HIM. They’re in bed for this. I just. I was joking. I wasn’t expecting an actual scene of them in bed with a dollar bill between them. What the fuck. Anyway, that aside, he really does just hate himself right now, tangibly depressed post-baby-theft, and Lilah is There. Caritas doesn’t exist any more and there’s no plausible deniability in a non-demon gay bar.

Thanks again for reading my stuff @lostupst8 <3 never apologise for spamming me, I crave attention

#ats #wesley wyndam pryce #I'm probably missing a bunch of stuff but I Will post about this again #do ask any clarifying questions #my ask box is forever open #buffyverse #meta #angel the series #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer

[sleepingjayy]

Guys, trust- I've been alive, I swear. Anyways. Erm here's some recent (Edit: this has been in my drafts for over a month now) art I made of some "creepypasta" (see: original characters that are by category online horror stories- but can be put into the context of something like the "Slenderman" side of creepypasta) characters. Here's one of them:)

Warnings for creepypasta typical violence and dark nature, especially that of cult themes. stay safe out there friends

First one is Reed (he/him). He was born into a cult that worshiped an unnamed deity that supposedly would save them from the endless dark. Their practices were that of a 'hidden utopia' among the 'corrupt modern day'. Adopting older ideals such as men would be powerful and women would take care of the home. Reed, since he was a young kid, decided he didn't feel like a girl and didn't like the path laid out for him, so he told his parents he wanted to be a boy (yippe:D).

This was seen as a great thing for the family, as male children were seen as a symbol of power against the darkness sworn to come. This means that his parents fully accepted him and even sent him off to school with the rest of the boys in the community rather than home schooled with the girls.

He was seen as weird at his school and ended up in a group of fun loving misfits who showed him the wonders of the outside world, queer identities and acceptance (Derek (he/they), Kate she/her), and Terryn (they/them)) One day, after a night of fun, hair dye and a piercing gun, and smoking Reed goes home and gets severely punished by his parents. After this punishment, it makes Reed realize how different things are from his home and the outside world.

Time goes on and Reed has gotten good at hiding his friends from his parents, and adjusting to the cultures of being a teenager in a 'normal' world. Come Christmas and the New Year, Reed convinces his parents over Christmas break to let him have a study session with his friends to keep their minds sharp for when school inevitably comes back. His parents allow this and he goes off with Derek, Kate, and Terryn to have some fun.

Eventually Terryn goes home to tend to their little siblings and that leaves Reed, Derek, and Kate looking for something exciting to do. They decided upon drinking as celebration (Terryn doesn't drink or smoke, so they weren't missing out) . They start coming up with ideas how how to get their hands on some drinks, until Reed pipes up, remembering the stash of Champaign that his parents kept for celebration.

They all go to Reed's house, Reed leaving Derek and Kate to loiter outside while he sneaks into his own house to steal Champaign. No one is home so Reed retrieves it easily. When he gets back outside to meet with Derek and Kate but they're both gone.

He wanders around his neighborhood until he gets to the woods, hearing people and the distant light of lanterns. He treks out there to find half his neighborhood as well as his parents in a ring around Kate and Derek. Kate is crying, holding an unconscious Derek. Reed pretends to join the cult, jumping in at the last minute to defend his friends as they dump a mix of alcohol and other flammable liquids on them.

In an attempt to get them to back away, Reed fishes a lighter from Derek's pocket and attempts to attack one of the members with it. He unintentionally sets him and his friends on fire. The members flee and Reed is left in the snow to burn. He manages to put him and his friends out, but his friends look dead, he leaves, grabbing a discarded sacrificial knife and running into the woods.

He knows he'll never be able to return to the commune, and he thinks his friends will never forgive him/are dead.

Thanks for reading if you did, I know it was long. There might be more art of him so I wanted to do a little post on him. :)

-Jay (host)

#art #creepypasta #original character #creepypasta oc #digitalart

[sareinadale]

please tell us more about this helsa series you are writing 👀💕

nonnieeee!! but it wouldn't be a surprise now, don't you think so?

okay honestly, i wasn't planning on working on a long helsa series, though i did have a similar plan with the 'marriage of convenience' trope as the core of the series.

what started out was really just a series of twitter banters with my friend that expanded into fully fleshed plots, with some spanning over a month or three depending on how far the plot develops.

truthfully, i've been yearning to find a writing partner who could match my writing style and be excited to write SO MUCH about a ship. while helsa initially wasn't my OTP ( yes, i started out as jelsa ), somewhere in 2022, i turned into an ardent helsa shipper thanks to my other friend.

ANYWAY, back to the series ( me and my big mouth can't hold it back anymore ):

the entire premise of the story takes place after the events of Frozen 1, but not until Frozen 2. her magic is still there, just not at the forefront as it did in the first movie. and oh, yeah, it's in the mid-1800s! there's also inspiration drawn from ( majorly ) the frozen musical, a frozen heart and a little bit of dangerous secrets.

others may have written something similar like mine, but this is really an extensive series of ‘what-ifs’ that mainly focuses on the aftermath of her coronation, her struggles of trying to be a good queen for arendelle and all the times she shouldn’t hang out with hans, who showed up on arendelle after serving his prison sentence for two years ( roughly ) – which led to her falling for his pretense like anna.

of course, there's a few original characters that we made for this series! besides that, i personally have a pinterest board dedicated to hans and elsa, alongside a spotify playlist that follows their entire journey :D

there’s also an element of hans’s morally grey side, which, as santino fontana said, hans isn't what he seems to be ( meaning he has personal motivations like any other people ) and my lovely friend who writes as hans has the most detailed lore on him and everything, and i honestly couldn't be luckier and so SO grateful to know them and write together ❤️

obviously, when we started plotting, we realized that their story's going to be LONG, and we've decided to break it down into three major acts. the second act is arguably going to be the longest and where we are currently.

so, the theme of the story is the title of the series itself: 'in hindsight'.

in hindsight is basically a sequel to a prequel titled 'shattering ice'. in this one, the story explicitly deals with her first visit to the isles and meeting the star-studded cast of the westergaards whom, again, my friend here has built – completely tragic, awful, and all things negative that shows who they are as a family.

also the prequel will serve as the starting point of their relationship because we don't want to jump on that chemistry building with haste.

right now, we're mostly focusing on in hindsight and pretty much pausing shattering ice. also, because the former became a full blown series, i had to upgrade my g-drive storage hahaha so all of their past plots and current ones are safely stored in there.

all in all, this series is arguably the most special endeavor i've ever done. it's got a TON of emotional realism in there, soft moments in the form of jane austen-esque longing touches kinda way, gut-wrenching angst and a bittersweet ending ( i'm not ready for the last part, but we've planned on how the series will end ).

even in spite of our busy schedules, we found time to keep writing out the replies, info-dumping personal headcanons of our characters and hyping each other whenever the ship had their fluff / angst moment. i seriously could not thank my friend enough, and i really appreciate her for all the helsa brainrots ❤️

and finally, the reason i've not put it up on AO3 is because i didn't want that invisible pressure of needing to update it. i mean, yes, it's still ongoing, but imagine if i just upload the complete series and voila? basically giving a delight to potential readers that the series is done hahaha.

i don't foresee we'll finish it by end of this year, even though we started out since june last year. but who knows, it could end well until the following year?

okay nonnie, there you go 🤓

#long answer #nonnie gave me a truth serum #i will die on this hill writing helsa until i'm old #i love them so much your honor #helsa #iceburns #sareinadale #prince hans #queen elsa #frozen fanfiction

[the---hermit]

Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton

I've had this book on my tbr since forever. It's not the first book I read by this author, a few years ago I had read Eaters Of The Dead, which I loved. Even though I have seen the Jurassic Park movies mutiple times it's been so long I didn't really remember much, which made the reading experience even better. I must say I really like Crichton's writing, but I have mixed feelings towards this book.

It's very unlikely that you don't know the plot of this story, but here it is anyway. Thanks to the developments of genetics and science a rich old man founds this project for a future amusement park, in which the main attraction will be actual real life dinosaurs. The Jurassic Park is set on an island, fully dedicated to this projects, that several characters will end up visiting before its opening. This is very reductive, but it's the base line for what then happens. I have two main things I didn't love, firstly the fact that so many characters in this book read as incredibly stupid? I will add a few lines in the spoilery part under the cut, but there's a few scenes that left me speachless. It makes sense for Hammond to be ignorant and annoying, because at the end of the day he represents the rich man who does not care at all about the consiquences of his actions let alone the advices people give him. He has a project, he wants to make money out of it, and doesn't care about the rest. It's frustrating to read but it makes sense. Other things that happen do make sense because if it wasn't for them there would be no book, but one in particular felt a bit forced? (as I said look at the spoilery part if you want more context). So, overall I liked few characters, but that's alright the plot was very entertaining and it did its job as a book. The other thing I don't know how I feel about is the ending of the book. For some reason it felt a bit rushed? I don't know why honestly, but I found it very sudden and it was done in very few pages. maybe it wouldn't have made sense in other ways but it left me a bit confused. Aside from these two elements as I said I really liked my reading experience with this book. I wasn't expecting the theme of "this has only been done for financial gain" to be so prominent, but I very much appreaciated it. It's an overall entertaining novel, and the writing flows very well. I feel like it's a great book to escape without needing too much energy. I am not sure yet whether I will read the sequel, but I'll see in the future.

I read this book for the minimalist cover prompt of the jumbo reading challenge

This section contains spoilers

The main thing I thought was stupid is that the incredibly intelliget scientist who literally makes irl dinosaurs possible doesn't know that some animals can reproduce non-sexually or find a way to against all odds. I will say I for some reason was more thinking of asexual reproduction, but it definitely makes more sense that some of these dinosaurs changed sex like some frogs and fishes do (also trans raptors yaay, I loved them). But in general it felt a bit absurd that a scientist such as him didn't even remotly know about this. Okay, you might haven't considered when you were creating these dinosaurs, but when someone hints about it you should realize what is really going on right away. At least this is how I felt about it.

#i don't know if i edited this #my brain is not braining lately #if it's not edited and there's typos i'm sorry #but f i don't post it now i don't know when i will and i already have a bunch of drafts #2023 book #book #bookblr #booklr #book cover #book rec #book review #book recommendation #bookish #reading #mine #the---hermit

[pauls1967moustache]

Hello. I am a fan of your fics and I'm trying to write my first fic now. I hope you won't mind if i ask you a couple of writing questions?

Did you ever take a class in writing?

How long do you take to write each fic?

Do you ever feel bad about your writing or read someone else's writing and think you arne't as good as them?

Do you use a beta?

Thank you if you answer!

Thank you! And I love this journey for you. Writing is fun :)

Did you ever take a class in writing? Nothing beyond English class in school, and googling Dan Harmon's story circle a million times and then never using it. But that doesn't mean writing is just something I fell into and was magically good at. (I feel like people who don't write always think this about writing, and then get frustrated when they are not magically good at it). I've been writing fic (on and off) since I was about 14, and before that I used to write little stories in my free time. It's something I've had a lot of practice in, and was probably very shit at when I started. So, y'know, unless you intend to write professionally I don't think you need a writing class, but you do need to actually do some writing, instead of just thinking about doing writing. You don't have to do it every single day (there were solid years where I didn't write more than like half an outline for anything), but if it's something you want to improve on you do actually need to make some sort of effort to do that. This was not the answer to your question, but I feel it answers the spirit of your question.

How long do you take to write each fic? Depends! The actual writing itself is usually about 3-5 days altogether (but I don't write anything very long anyways). The outlining before the writing can take anywhere from a week to months to years. I often start an idea, then leave it, then come back to it when the vibes are right in my brain. Some fics come out of me basically fully formed and some I have to shadow box into coherence. It is what it is.

Do you ever feel bad about your writing or read someone else's writing and think you arne't as good as them? Yes and no. Everyone who writes experiences this to some degree, because it is the nature of doing something creative. But also, as I've grown more confident and self-assured (in my writing, and just like, as a person alive), I find this happening less, or at least it feels less emotionally volatile when it happens. The trick to this, I think, is writing for yourself and not for others. Ignore every fic opinion you've ever read in your life, and write the fic you want to read, so that you like it enough that even when parts of it aren't that good, or when you don't get the response you want, you still like it enough to not let any of that affect you. The other trick to this is when you find someone whose writing you think is good and you keep feeling the need to compare yourself to them, get proper technical about it. What do you like about their writing? Is it the style? The structure? The themes? How did the writer do those things? How would you emulate that? (You honestly should do this for any writer you like, not just fic writers).

Do you use a beta? No, I never knew how to get one when I was younger, and kind of just developed a very self-contained writing process as a result. If you have a friend in the fandom though, it can help to have someone to chat to - not even as a beta, just to have someone to vent to who will cheer you on when you doubt yourself. I sometimes do this, and should honestly probably do it more so I don't get stuck overthinking ideas as much.

And lastly - again, you didn't ask - but the best advice I could possibly give you is that the creative process is a wild beast you will battle forever, so you kind of have to go with the flow here. You can use what I (or any other writer) does as a jumping off point, but there's no guarantees that any of that is going to work for you, so take what you need from whatever I said as a loose guideline rather than this is the way. If it's not working for you, try something else.

Good luck! Have fun! xxxxx

#asks #love when you guys ask me writing questions #i've said it before but i do always answer these like i'm being interviewed