#as all the times he's been near me

[kitamars]

so it was valentines day yesterday huh

#listen. if miles doesn’t have to be at work at a reasonable time then he literally will not get out of bed willingly #at least until the sun is midway across the sky #they’re in love <3 ew #also maya pesters nick near constantly to upgrade his nokia brick and he just goes ‘oh maya you #‘how could i possibly get rid of walter he’s been through it all with me’ *uses it as a paperweight* #maya tries to explode the phone with her mind on a daily basis #anyways #IM SO OBSESSED WITH SLEEPY CUDDLES GUYS THEY ARE SO SOFT #also it is my agenda to now squeeze trucy wherever i can bc i love her and need everyone to look at her at all times #they are so family #warms my heart all the the everytime without fail #narumitsu #wrightworth #phoenix wright #naruhodo ryuichi #miles edgeworth #mitsurugi reiji #trucy wright #naruhodo minuki #maya fey #ayasato mayoi #(cameo but it counts) #ace attorney #gyakuten saiban #aa #ok bye

[ruporas]

pet names

[ID: Black and white comic of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. Vash overhears a conversation from a nearby table at the restaurant they're seated at, the unnamed character saying, "Honey, can you pass me that?" Their partner says, "Sure thing, angel." The unnamed character begins again, "Say, did you hear the news from earlier?" In response, "Haven't got the chance. Tell me about it?" Vash smiles fondly, listening in as the conversation continues, "You'd never guess, babe! The runner--" Abruptly, the conversation is cut in by a "Needle nogging", Vash's expression changing instantly and no longer smiling. The panel cuts to Wolfwood who smiles lop-sidedly, pointing at Vash's plate and says, "If you're not going to eat that. I'll take it." Vash grabs the plate and holds it away and says, "Mine" while Wolfwood clicks his tongue. He pauses for a moment before asking slowly, "Hey, is there any reason you don't use cute names with me?" Wolfwood lifts a cup of water up to his lips, looking confused. He says, "I do though." Vash cuts in, "Spikey and needle nogging aren't cute!"

Vash continues with a shy expression, "Since we're together now..." he trails off and Wolfwood picks up, taking a sip of water as he says thoughtfully, "Together, huh..." Vash pauses in his sentence with a look of confusion before reaffirming, "We are together, right?" Wolfwood nods, "Right." Vash says, "Right", before continuing, his shy expression returning, "Then you can use stuff like... honey or-" Wolfwood cuts in this time and says casually, "You're not a honey though." A panel cuts of Vash's expression changing again, shocked. He asks, "Huh? Then who is?" Wolfwood says immediately, "Milly." Vash exclaims, "Milly?!" Wolfwood continues, "She's sweet, just like honey." A bubble pops up of Milly smiling as Wolfwood speaks. Vash continues, "Okay, true... What about sweetpea?" Wolfwood responds, "Kids. Kids are sweetpea. And pumpkin too." Vash continues, "Okay... What about baby?" Wolfwood says without hesitation, "Meryl." Vash exclaims again, "Meryl?!" Wolfwood explains," Noisy, like a baby." Vash mutters, "Hey, that's a bit mean..."

Vash continues persistently, "Then what about babe?" Wolfwood shrugs with a grin, "You are not a babe." Vash looks at him, slightly frustrated before exclaiming with flushed cheeks, "Then what am I?!" Wolfwood points at his hair and smiles softly, "I told you. You're the one and only needle nogging." A panel closes in on Vash's widen eyes, cheeks still red, pausing before he ultimately resigns, planting his face into the palms of his hands and muttering, "I give up..." At the same time, Wolfwood sneaks and grabs the plate of food that Vash left unattended, saying in response, "You get up cuaght up about the dumbest things, y'know that?"

The comic then picks up again to a jump in time, after they've left the restaurant. Wolfwood muses to Vash, "You said all that about the names earlier, but I don't hear ya using them for me." Vash looks to him excitably and asks, "Did you want me to?" Wolfwood looks at him with an uncertain expression, "Not really, but I guess I am curious..." Vash beams, "Then let's try some, okay... dear?" He fingerguns Wolfwood with a grin, little hearts surrounding him. Wolfwood just looks at him neutrally and says, "Okay," while thinking to himself, "Cute..." Vash exclaims, "So unenthusiastic!"

The next comic picks up at a different time, but on the same theme of pet names. Vash hugs Wolfwood and says to him, "Thank you, my love." A panel close up of Vash steadily opening his eyes before he sees Wolfwood's reaction up close, his eyes glancing away, cheeks flushed, and the smoke out of his cig forming soft hearts as he mutters, "Sure..." In a smaller, cartoonish style, Vash has a comedically exaggerated expression of shock and widened eyes as he grips Wolfwood by the shoulders while Wolfwood still wears a shy expression. He then nudges his head to the side of Wolfwood's with a close eyed happy smile, hugging him close and says, "So, there WAS one you liked!" Wolfwood, still looking away, but now with an irritated and embarrassed expression, grumbles, "Shut up..."

The final image is a short sequence. Wolfwood is working on something, spacing out as he does, while Vash from off screen calls for him, starting with "Babeeee? Babe? Beautiful? Honey? My love?" All of which gets no reaction from Wolfwood. Vash pauses for a moment before piping up again, "wolfwood?" Wolfwood turns around, finally noticing that Vash was calling for him and asks, "What?" A box at the bottom of the page says, "Unresponsive to anything other than his names." END ID]

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #ULTIMATELY the most convenient is to stick to needle noggin and wolfwood because it just makes the most sense to them. i also think the way #they refer to each other is such a like.. distancing manner at first. #because i think wolfwood DID call vash by his name at first right?? i mean it was spiraling from vash the stampede to vash and then to #spikey in that one town near the beginning of maximum #i dont know how to word it but the fact they call each other these particular monikers that dont get regularly echoed by others #IN PARTICULARLY needle noggin being SO specific to vash from wolfwood really pushes in the special place wolfwood has in vash's life. #wolfwood doesnt get the name wolfwood used for him often too. hes been called priest chapel nicholas nico.... #but vash uses wolfwood out of all of them. kills me every time #its just like the safest name for him. the thing about wolfwood is that it still is universally used for him too. he introduces himself as #nicholas d wolfwood to others as seen from when he first met vash.... regular citizens or kids mightv called him mr wolfwood and stuff... #so it kind of settles itself as a name for the mundane for safety for comfort. #but then they call each other by their first names in vol 10 and i . shatter sfx. needle noggin and wolfwood are so Precious to them for #each other but they're capable of using each other's first names too in such a gentle manner. i mean when vash used nicholas #it was in comforting gesture too. nicholas is who melanie and the kids know and that nicholas is still very much there even pass #the bloodshed. and when ww uses vash so his family knows of vash and his identity and the safety the name vash reflects...

[royalarchivist]

Maxo: "GG Day 2"? Is it going to be all week? Do I really deserve this?

Maximus is a severely under-appreciated member of the QSMP, so recently some fans on Twitter created #GordinhoGostosinhoWeek to show him more love. Maximus is looking at the fanart right now on his stream, and the way he gets so excited about each one really warms my heart. :')

Quackity says it best:

#AgenteMaxo #Maximus #QSMP #Trumpet #Show Maximus some love! #He's nearing the end right now (I think) but he's been complimenting all the art and being real sweet about it #He's also been putting on sad music every time he sees art of his character and Trumpet. My heart... #Anyways clip from miss_luckity I completely missed the start of stream #He streams at a really bad time for me :( #Maximus is truly such an incredible storyteller #he's won awards for his RPing #he's AMAZING #oh he's being very emo rn over some fanart LMAO poor Max

[swordheld]

hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

#q&a. #birdsong. #wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3 #i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac- #in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai #after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really. #i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track. #and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy? #it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where #it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that. #how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love. #i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together. #i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too. #the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe. #so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc. #i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.

[135crow]

#some of my favorite photos i took and thought i should share #lots of people liked these #there's so much more and also some other towns but i'll stick to the green nature pictures #special shoutout to the cat #i petted him a little and he squinted his eyes at me and i thought woah we only just met but i love you too 🥹 #and when i went to take a picture he even posed for me all by himself!!! #so photogenic....born to model #travel #aesthetic #nature #cannot believe id ever have to tag this but #cottagecore #and all the other cores that are appropriate for this #spring #flowers #austria #daisies #europe #mountains #village #lake #river #trees #hallstatt #ive been here before and also in salzburg in december 2022 but visiting in spring is wayyy different #it was good to be back :) #also went to the same restaurant as last time and it was so gooood #everything i'd tried there was always elite if i lived near or in salzburg i'd try the whole menu

[moeblob]

Deacon willing to help people but doesn't recognize people so he doesn't remember what he did for who. So he just agrees and is like cool don't mention it then they mention it and he's like uhhhhhh.

However, that's other humans. He can identify the deities much easier because they have a unique glow. Like can actively tell Ymber "oh Lady Fulj just entered the city" and Ymber is like how the heck did you sense her that far away when I can't sense her that far away. It actually takes a while for Ymber to realize Deacon really doesn't know any of his coworkers and who he's talking to.

#my characters #based on me just not knowing which of my coworkers i helped with what or who asked me for what #so theyd bring something up and im like uh huh #deacon is a good bean who likes to be helpful to people around him #because hes lived a good life thanks to people around him such as #he had loving parents but after his mom died the neighbors helped him and his dad #then when his dad passed away and his neighbors would invite him over to make sure he wasnt lonely #and he appreciates those people but he doesnt recognize most of his coworkers #he can identify the neighbors based on oh the guy nearby has a hunched back and i help him with carrying stuff #so he notices those traits from people hes been near for a long time but then is baffled over coworkers #if someone changes a hair style that is a brand new person #based on holy crap my coworkers used to change their hair all the time i never knew who was who #dyed hair or getting a trim and dye or simply wearing it up one day but not the next #i have no idea who i worked with and it was v awkward for me but people were always nice #how has it been a week of pain im gonna go offline and suffer breathing pains

[oatbugs]

procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally

#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months #to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them #in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago. #(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought #i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are #and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it #its worth missing i think #i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over #(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year) #(hed come across the bridge on a lake) #we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared. #it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think #i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much. #and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat #they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand #how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much #i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around #something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode #arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully #last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing #and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets #and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably #have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused #blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like #i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much #my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to #music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads #i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says #what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine. #she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.

[megumi-fm]

.

#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn #but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one #so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot #i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks #they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary #anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place #and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot #and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop #now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg #a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context #point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop #and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty? #like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight #i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop #anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever #and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot' #see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation #and i was replying with one word answers #and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down. #then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?' #which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually' #and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then #after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me? #and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place #then i got too embarrassed and chickened out #yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way #i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny

[klonoadoortophantomile]

aww the skrungkly ☺️ double tap now to scrunkly the when 💕💕

#HELP #appreently i neverposted this last times i was able 2 post art #this is frm december . just been sitting in my drafts…. lol #scribbles #eyestrain #<- i think #giegue #thats all ill tag probbaly idk #i dont jnow why im so intimidated by the thought of tagging mother stuff but uhhhhh yeah #<- i say as if ive even posted a fraction of the stuff ive drawn. lmao #anyways. love this thang #smthn abt his boss fight in the first game just captivated me idk why #like its no where near as crazy as eb’s is but i keep thinking abt it #also his design is so silly hes just this fucking. Thing #edit from a few days later im tagging stuff now fuck yuooooo #mother 1 #earthbound zero #mother series #earthbound beginnings

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

sibling art pt 2!!!

second ask of the day and please do not feel obliged to answer either I just think you deserve to see this

they captioned this one "in honour of og Fairy being a dog"

The sensitive stomach of a dog girls VS the urge to eat whatever falls on the floor

#mdzs #equineswap au #xiao pingguo #little apple #lan wunian #fairy #Thank you and your sibling so much for this lovely art AND comic!!! Its incredibly sweet!! #I also appreciate you taking the pressure off of me posting (but also this comic is *too good* to stay hidden in my inbox/folder of joy) #Fairy is also such a mood. For me specifically. #I think most of my friends can attest to the fact I am notorious for eating things I should not #I've gotten food poisoning from things you wouldn't even think someone would attempt #There have been near scuffles as I make a dive for food that falls on the ground at the same time a pal is trying to say 'No thats Garbage! #Back to fairy...I'm hitting the gavel and declaring her both a 'tummy hurts all the time' girl #and also a 'will eat things without checking its edibility' girl. #jin ling is a dog that is so picky he wont eat anything off the floor. So someone's gotta do it.

[maskyartist]

*claps my hands together* if i say theres potential for an au where Clay ends up lost in the tunnels after the cave in, left behind by the Putt Putts as well, so hes either living in the walls of Bergentown or just trapped in the tunnels eventually being found/getting out near the village and just being more animal then Troll...

do yall see my vision or do i gotta go further??? theres drama potential im just saying (more in tags)

#masky says #trolls dreamworks #no i wont stop putting clay into horrible situations its too EASY >:( #if he didnt wanna be bullied he shouldnt have been overshadowed in his own reveal scene and given a surprisingly traumatic backstory- #-that was glossed over WAY too quick (then again trolls is just like that) #idk i like the idea of branch finding his brother and he wants to be angry he wants to be angry SO BADLY #but clay's been in the forest for who knows how long and he looks so rough #it takes time to recognize branch because hes grey and bitter #i feel clay would pop up near his bunker around when branch is like halfway done with it. probably teens by then its livable basically #and now this feral ass Troll is poking his head in stealing food and trying to find safety from rain #like the mental image of them NOT knowing its each other is so funny to me #but theres also clay living IN bergentown just running around trying to stay hidden #his entire life is panic hes paranoid every two minutes hes whipping his head around to make sure hes not being followed #loud noises make him hide sudden touch makes him hide dont hug him at all he's reminded of bergen hands gripping the life outta him #hes been through the WRINGER imma make it worse for funsies :) #i love clay brozone *violently flings him at a wall* see hes so fun :D

[bmpmp3]

guys being dudes

#art #traditional art #watercolour #fanart #virvox project #kurono takehiro #aoyama ryusei #voicevox #what the hell is their ship name. ive never been good with ship names. i always just write name x name LOL #also discovered 2 things while drawing this. 1) takehiros earring is gold I THOUGHT IT was silver for some reason #gold tone girlie. me too brother me too!! #and also 2) i thought ryusei was like a reasonable 5'11 or some shit until i saw the near 2 meter height on his profile #and i had to like. erase a few inches of takehiros height in the sketch LOL sorry buddy. its not my fault ryusei is some kind of #6'4 monster. where does he buy his jacket. that things oversized where did he buy it. where did he buy it #i love a good way too tall character tho its gonna be fun to draw him cut off by the frame all the time <3

[totheidiot]

i hate that the solar eclipse just now serves as a reminder that nobody loves me.

#🍂 arian's shit #IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND NOTHING HAPPENED. but yeah #i will always think of the solar eclipse i witnessed and think about that #two people one of them my friend the other i thought i could consider my friend but HE PROBABLY DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT. #they both talked and did their things and laughed and they are so damn close to each other it almost made me cry and reminded me that #it was such a profound moment too when i realized what was going on #they were in another world that didn't have me and i get that. i do. they have known each other for a year and i abruptly showed up #two months ago and one of them we are getting close she likes me around #at least i think #the other one he is nice he is supposed to be like this he is nice to everyone that is who he is #so what is happening: he is completely indifferent to me. most he did was remember my name and face. but he is nice. #i like them both so so much it almosg does hurt when i stood there awkwardly almost like i was intruding #and i realized that i have never not been close to anyone #no acquaintances all the friendships i have had they sre the reason why i live and i know that they live for me too #we have known each other since kindergarten. they held my face and cried and told me that i was love when i was leaving for the last time #they love me. i am sure of it. #but now i don't have anyone near whom i do love. people don't love me. i used to be love. #it also hurts that i am Average Person In The World #i am not funny. i do not have unique quirks. i do not have a single talent. #all i am good for is saying the wrong things all time. #even in my old life i was someone. someone who isn't the same as the person who saw the solar eclipse today and felt all this #i was the idiot. I WAS THE IDIOT. i was the writer person. #i don't feel like any of these things now. they had a thing in common: their capacity to love and be loved. #i love very easily but i am not an easy person to love. #vent post #god this is such a small little thing i am the most pathetic thing in the world #feel free to scroll away don't even read this shit #arian contemplates his universe

[fleshdyke]

hchkvgjvfj

#csa warning for tags #goddd being raped at 6ish and brutally bullied is a hell of a combination #i was the one kid in not only my grade but multiple above and below me as well that the boys would dare each other to 'ask out' #absolutely CONSTANTLY. like jesus #by the time i was raped i'd already been bullied pretty badly for a while. including being constantly told i was ugly by all the boys #which is like. a huge reason i was raped in the first place. i still dont know who it was but i can only assume he took advantage of me #being constantly bullied to abuse me. as child rapists so often do #but like i was always the one that would be 'asked out' as a dare bc why would any of them want to talk to me #it was so inconceivable that any of them could want to be near me let alone 'go out' with me. they didn't even bother trying to hide the way #they laughed. like they didn't try to hide it bc they knew no one would do anything #and this happening to me fucking constantly for years on end throughout my ENTIRE childhood. that fucks with you man #like i dont think its even possible for anyone to like being around me at all. let alone find me attractive #there's still never been a single person who's had a crush on me or whatever #like all my friends have stories about annoying boys having crushes on them when they were younger. and what does it say about me that im #the complete opposite. and like it's so stupid because who fucking cares what 10 year old boys thought in 2016 but it really really fucks #you up bad man. like if anyone ever does come to be attracted to me for whatever reason i dont think im ever going to be able to believe it #i'm always going to be waiting for the joke to end and them to start laughing. i'll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop #and the worst part of it all is that i fucking want to be raped again #being raped as a little kid is the only time anyone has ever wanted me. it's the only time i've ever been desired. and i dont even like sex #but it's just the only time anyone has ever loved me in a non parental way #like i have one crush story to all my friends'. and it was a grown man that raped me when i was little #and i want to be raped again so fucking badly not because i would enjoy it but because it would prove that someone actually fucking wants me #i want to be sexually harassed and not in the way i usually am. i want to be catcalled and have to be scared walking around alone #i want men to grope me and say disgusting things and rape me because then i would finally be fucking wanted #it would prove that i'm actually likeable in some capacity. that i still am #im so scared that now that im grown im just a lost cause. because i was only desirable when i was little. now im just nothing #and i know i shouldnt even care but its so fucking hard to shake. i just want someone to love me #and i love my mom so much but i want them to love me because they want to and not because they have to #rambles #vent

[yeonban]

If I speak.

#muse: dan heng. #There's SO much to say just about this tiny teensy bit of lore... #The way it's clearly been established that JY equals the sun in all of DH's stories. The way the dragon (DH) soars towards the sun. #The way DH felt immersed in the warmth of the sun after he was pardoned and allowed to see the outside of the Shackling Prison for once. #The way DH only then saw his own body for the first time ever and realized it's his own. /his/ own. not DF's. #God I WANT to write a meta about DH and JY sooo badly but I think tumblr would create a word limit just for me specifically #and where would I even start with it. Their shared lore is deeper than the waters near Scalegorge Waterscape #I still might though. My cray cray can't be kept under wraps for long I fear #While I'm at it I might as well close DH's romantic shipping now too bc frankly? no one else comes even CLOSE to what JY is to him

[sarcastic--knight]

Me run with letter: Dear Santa, please forgive me for the confusion, I know you are very busy, but I ask you to listen to me about the gift. I know it’s quite late but listen, 11 years ago on this very day...

Santa instantly climbs out of the pipe: I don’t know how to resurrect the dead understand already a stupid creature, dear deer save me

Me: Oh no, I already understood that I just need a little apocalypse so that Arthur can come back we people haven't ruined everything enough

#it is a shame that i didn't posted something about this day yet #It will always be devastating for me that Merlin still sticks around Avalon #literally he is the most powerful sorcerer on earth #he has been living for fifteen hundred years #can go anywhere in the world and not hang out near the place where all his family died #but he is still waiting for his “friend bro who trolled him the whole time they were together” #you can to not romanticize them (i understand good) but when someone call them friends... #like I annoying to wait for friends when they are late for the bus but he hung out there for hundreds of years #he already realized that he was screwed by the prophecy so where is the reason #and I'm sure Merlin doesn't like bank cards because COINS go out of use #the universe is mocking the poor boy #if you wanted Arthur to pay for his sins #you would have left him alive and let Merlin roast him every day in front of the people #with gwaine! we love “such a princess” nickname #arthur pendragon #bbc merlin #merlin #merlin bbc #arthur bbc #text post #merlin emrys #fandom