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#basically just someone i used to beef with
respectthepetty · 2 days
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Dunk and Joong could have offered me anything in 2024, and I would have taken it, gladly, no questions because my ass is a Jaidee fan first and a human second. But to hand me The Heart Killers? Oh! Let me list all the reasons y'all gonna hate me when this comes out.
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Joong plays Khao's older brother
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Khaotung is older than Joong, but in BL Land that doesn't matter because Khao is playing the hopeless romantic little brother while Joong is playing his stern older brother. Someone already wrote it was 10 Things I Hate About You/The Taming of the Shrew, and Shakespeare would be thrilled to know one of his masterpieces is getting the queer treatment and it's not Twelfth Night.
Dunk is playing the crazy seducer
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Boy wants a car and is willing to go to great lengths to do it, including distracting some dude, so his buddy can play house with that dude's little brother. But the whole point is they had to find a guy who was crazy enough to accept the offer in the first place >insert Dunk's character< so the guy isn't just wanting the car. He is doing this for the thrill of getting tied up, stripped down, and threatened.
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And I respect that.
Jojo is apparently directing
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I wanna have beef with Jojo after Only Friends, then I look at his resume and remember this is the man who gave me puppy play in The Warp Effect, poly in 3 Will Be Free, and a chaotic stripper named Judo in Dirty Laundry PLUS the YinWar trailer for their Partner in Crime concert which has now lead to YinWar doing Jack & Joker, so as a vegetarian, I'm gonna be like Elsa and let that go.
Which means Rath is probably the cinematographer
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I don't give men compliments easily, so when I state that Cinematographer Rath has never disappointed me, I mean it. The man knows what he is doing, and if he is in on this series, I know if anything, it will be visually stunning.
First and Khao being the Beyonce of GMMTV
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I'm in Jaidee's corner always, but I have eyes and First and Khao could really do whatever they want and I'd eat it up. I have believed them with whomever they have been partnered with in the past, and if they want to play high schoolers in an oppressed school system or a banker willing to see his ex and his ex's new man just to flirt with the boy from the market, I'm buying the tickets, I'm sitting in the front row, and I'm holding up homemade posters. Basically, I'm shutting the fuck up and experiencing whatever they want me to experience.
First and Khao tears
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This is its own category because when they cry, they are in a league of their own. They claimed this series was going to be lighter than their previous work, but what is a First or Khao series without tears? I hope they are drinking water right now because someone is crying in this series, and JD's faces are already wet for other reasons.
DUNK'S BODY!
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Not to objectify the man's body, but . . . it's a banger, and he has been done dirty by wardrobe for two solid years. His face card never declines. His arms are solid. His waist is snatched. His hair is perfect. Even Tay, New, and Jan were talking about him in the BTS for Peaceful Property because they were saying how New's character was based off of Dunk - pretty, fashionable, and COCKY! But wouldn't we all be that cocky if we were walking around looking like this?! Like shut up fives. A ten is speaking!
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It's high time that man got to stunt like Force always does just taking off his shirt for no reason. Good for him. And good for us.
Oh, yeah, and the plot
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Sorry, I mean the plot.
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SHIT, THE PLOT!
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You know what? Nah. I honestly do not give a fuck about the plot. Joong and Khao are hired killers. First is out to get them. Dunk gets involved (although, I think he knows a lot more than he leads on), and . . .
All will end well.
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Because if anything, Jojo ain't never been allergic to a happy ending *wink*
So just know this show hit its target audience
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ME!
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¡Salud!
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chiquilines · 11 months
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Currently obsessed with her. What's better than a cocky man? A cocky woman next question
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stag-bi · 1 year
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what a whiplash going to see my 2016 tumblr dash (as linked in that last post) and getting slapped in the face w full blown ace discourse 😭😭😭
#i was an exclusionist too lmao i was so pissed as if hordes of cishet aces were coming to Invade Our Spaces?????? CRINGE#i still have beef w the split attraction model when non-aspec ppl use it ON BI SUBREDDITS CONSTANTLY TO DISCOURAGE ANY SELF-REFLECTION#like telling newly out bi's their internalized homo/biphobia is just an inborn trait that cant be helped so dont bother looking into it :)#thats more of a personal pet peeve than anything though#honestly the whole discourse was so stupid and the fake stories and moral panic coming from it was ridiculous#u kno whats real and can be trusted? peoples own experiences and interpretations of themselves. and that needs to be respected and accepted#i got so fed up w the dehumanizing and circlejerky nature of the exclusionist side. not to mention the victimhood complexes and the#black and white thinking that were being normalized by the entire discourse. and the essentialist thinking and public shaming#identities are not inherently above examination and there needs to be a balance between inclusion and exclusion in any context#bc both have negative and positive sides when applied to any group or identity. it should be approached w common sense#i wanna veer away from any generalizations and approach things on a case by case basis#but when it comes to someones personal identity and their lived experience. thats none of my business whatsoever#no matter what. basic respect is believing ppl when they say who they are. thats the bare minimum of interpersonal acceptance#fighting against that in order to uphold some us vs them dynamic is straight up awful#if you cant respect someone bc you cant personally understand their experience youre stuck on the wrong thing#you shouldnt need to relate to someone in order to treat them w kindness and empathy#if you need to find someone relatable to accept their validity then youre not genuinely someone accepting of differences
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thedreadvampy · 1 year
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Seriously I cannot overstate how much the reliance of second wave feminist theory on Freud baffles and annoys me.
like ok. Freud is obviously a foundational thinker and you gotta understand Freudian theory to build on sociological and psychological ideas developed since. but I would say like 70-80% of white feminist academia from the 70s and 80s that I've read is so entirely and uncritically tied into Freudian frameworks as if they're obvious truths, specifically:
Penis envy and castration anxiety
The construction of womanhood as lack/void
Specific models of psychosexual development in childhood
and like. Ok a lot of the theory developed by these second-wave Freudians has very useful elements. Like there's a lot of interesting concepts to pull out. But the reliance on a pretty much unnuanced and rigid acceptance of Freudian theory (a good chunk of which I would uhhhhhh call a wild extrapolation of one man's psychosexual hangups to the entire human race) imo actively holds back a lot of these ideas slash takes them to some fucked up conclusions.
like the thing is a lot of the stuff in the THOUGHT PROCESS of these second-wave feminist works is really useful, widely applicable and reflective of lived experience. but when you couple it with Freud's "the world revolves around dick" framework it ends up with some weird conclusions, some of which I have found legitimately abhorrent.
and I kind of think that's a pretty probable side effect of tying your theory of female liberation so tightly to a theoretical framework which posits a biological predisposition of all people to just naturally centre and glorify manhood and specifically penises, and to from early childhood conceptualise womanhood as a void defined by the absence of manhood.
Which is a not super surprising framework to come from a man in an intensely misogynistic and gender-alienated society who was fascinated by psychosexual development, but it is kind of a weird conclusion for a bunch of women specifically building their academic field on the experience of womanhood and social misogyny to nod happily along with.
And the thing is like I can forgive a lot bc it's the first vanguard of an emerging academic field and there's going to be oversimplifications and broad-strokes thinking that's then fine-tuned in following decades and centuries of academic thought. that's pretty inevitable. but a) why FREUD though??? and b) there's a bunch of academics now who are still operating in the same paradigm and it's like. ok man. We had to start somewhere I guess but 60 years into this field could you maybe. just maybe. hop off Freud's dick (which he's so interested in) and try updating your reference points a bit?
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puppyeared · 1 year
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child of divorce moment
#just finished the shadow play episode. you alrready know where im going with this#i like how macaque was like yeah i was gonna torment you emotionally but youre already doing that lmao#its like when i was on call with my brother and cousin and our cousin was like 'im gonna steal your diamonds >:)'#andthen theres a pause and hes like 'wait wheres youre diamonds' 'dude we dont have any' and he was like 'damn thats sad. do you want some#DUDE LITERALLY BREAKSINTO OUR HOUSE FOR DIAMONDS AND HES LIKE DAMN BITCH YOU LIVE LIKE THIS? HERE#i really like how this ep makes it clear that macaque doesnt actually have a beef with MK and its really a beef by extension bc hes with#wukong lol. literally tells him hes a good kid and doesnt pretend to have a beef with him just because#doesnt stop him from using mk like he did in the first ep he appeared in which i cant remember the name of. but its there#maybe im reading into this too much but idk. does this say something about his morals like how he didnt go further with tormenting mk when#mk basically spilled everything to him? like he absolutely could have done it so?? this fucking show man#ALSO he might be right about mk just having a terrible teacher because he knows firsthand as a former friend of swk. so there are some part#that mk might not know of based on stories or what swk has shown to him. especially since hes supposed to be someone mk looks up to#this feels very obvious now that i said all that and something the show is probably trying to show me anyway i know#yapping#lmk
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tuiyla · 1 year
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i don’t know how else to tell people that the problem with Leighton’s story isn’t Leighton’s story, for which I would love to be so proud of her, but that it simply wasn’t written well
i’m sorry y’all can’t “Tatum was meant to represent this!!!” and “Leighton has realized that!!” your way out of this when the writing simply did not put in any of the effort. also lmao you wanna know why I’m salty over Tatum’s treatment? cause how she ended was literally not what they’d been writing for 3 episodes. not once did Leighton look like Tatum was reminding her of bad parts of herself, not once prior to the fundraiser was Tatum anything but chill, supportive, and into Leighton for exactly who she was
it just feels so cheap and like I’m still happy for Leighton and happy for y��all if you can run with poor writing but I simply cannot tolerate it, I have to hold the show to higher standards than Leighton kissing any girl at any given moment in time
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fabulouslygaybean · 2 years
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gerard way gender rant in the tags bc this is my blog so i get to talk abt what i want and it's been on my mind for a hot minute
#like... it just feels weird that ppl are taking them wearing a dress to mean that they've come out as transfem?#please tell me y'all haven't forgotten that clothes don't equal gender right. like a dress is not inherently Female#it just leaves a weird taste in my mouth. it would be 110% fine if he WAS transfem but it feels weird to just assume#he has talked abt how he relates to trans women and that he's struggled with gender and that's valid!! im not denying any of that!!#but they've talked about how they dislike applying labels to himself and i feel like im the only person who finds it weird that ppl are -#- so quick to jump to the nearest label the moment he wears something more gnc than he usually does#also like.. its one thing to say that they're probably not cis. which is very true#but another thing to be so adamant that he's a 100% binary trans woman that it comes off as more intrusive than anything#they probably aren't cis. they've struggled with gender and use he/they pronouns and use some typically feminine terms to refer to himself#and it's fine to look up to him when it comes to gender!! i admire the fact that he's so open about it and i find comfort in knowing that -#- in a way he's kinda like me!! they love their trans fans and don't rlly consider themselves cis but also hasn't said anything about -#- using the word trans to describe himself. and those things can coexist. there can be a gray area between cis and trans#idk man. it just feels weird. i dont like how ppl force labels onto someone who has made an effort to avoid labels.#are they probably queer? absolutely. im not denying that. is it still weird that folks are being oddly invasive about his gender? yeah.#we're allowed to talk about his relationship with gender/sexuality + how he's always been focused on making a welcome space for queer folks#but acting as if it's Written Fact to assume he's a binary trans person is just. weird.#to clarify: this isn't me being mad at anyone in particular. if you're one of the folks who talks abt them being transfem then whatever.#im too tired rn to have any kind of beef with y'all. in the end we all basically know nothing. the only one who understands his -#- relationship with gender is gerard themself. im no expert. im just some queer teenager on the internet.#ive just seen it being passed around and i needed to type this out for myself so i can figure out WHY it was making me uncomfortable#nobody's obligated to agree with me or to even pay attention to this. im rlly only writing it out for myself and myself only.#im keeping the reblogs turned off though bc i don't wanna start fights over it
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transfemzedaph · 3 months
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im thinking abt writing some rlly sad shit bc im in a weird mood but idk if i wanna be mean to joel or beef.
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headspace-hotel · 5 months
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I will write this thought about Veganism and Classism in the USA in another post so as to not derail the other thread:
There are comments in the notes that say meat is only cheaper than plant based foods because of subsidies artificially lowering the price of meat in the United States. This is...part of the story but not all of it.
For my animal agriculture lab we went to a butcher shop and watched the butcher cut up a pig into various cuts of meat. I have had to study quite a bit about the meat industry in that class. This has been the first time I fully realized how strongly the meat on a single animal is divided up by socioeconomic class.
Like yes, meat cumulatively takes more natural resources to create and thus should be more expensive, but once that animal is cut apart, it is divided up between rich and poor based on how good to eat the parts are. I was really shocked at watching this process and seeing just how clean and crisp an indicator of class this is.
Specifically, the types of meat I'm most familiar with are traditionally "waste" parts left over once the desirable parts are gone. For example, beef brisket is the dangly, floppy bit on the front of a cow's neck. Pork spareribs are the part of the ribcage that's barely got anything on it.
And that stuff is a tier above the "meat" that is most of what poor people eat: sausage, hot dogs, bologna, other heavily processed meat products that are essentially made up of all the scraps from the carcass that can't go into the "cuts" of meat. Where my mom comes from in North Carolina, you can buy "livermush" which is a processed meat product made up of a mixture of liver and a bunch of random body parts ground up and congealed together. There's also "head cheese" (made of parts of the pig's head) and pickled pigs' feet and chitlin's (that's made of intestines iirc) and cracklin's (basically crispy fried pig skin) and probably a bunch of stuff i'm forgetting. A lot of traditional Southern cooking uses basically scraps of animal ingredients to stretch across multiple meals, like putting pork fat in beans or saving bacon grease for gravy or the like.
So another dysfunctional thing about our food system, is that instead of people of each socioeconomic class eating a certain number of animals, every individual animal is basically divided up along class lines, with the poorest people eating the scraps no one else will eat (oftentimes heavily processed in a way that makes it incredibly unhealthy).
Even the 70% lean ground beef is made by injecting extra leftover fat back into the ground-up meat because the extra fat is undesirable on the "better" cuts. (Gross!)
I've made, or eaten, many a recipe where the only thing that makes it non-vegan is the chicken broth. Chicken broth, just leftover chicken bones and cartilage rendered and boiled down in water? How much is that "driving demand" for meat, when it's basically a byproduct?
That class really made me twist my brain around about the idea of abstaining from animal products as a way to deprive the industry of profits. Nobody eats "X number of cows, pigs, chickens in a lifetime" because depending on the socioeconomic class, they're eating different parts of the animal, splitting it with someone richer or poorer than they are. If a bunch of people who only ate processed meats anyway abstained, that wouldn't equal "saving" X number of animals, it would just mean the scraps and byproducts from a bunch of people's steaks or pork chops would have something different happen to them.
The other major relevant conclusion I got from that class, was that animal agriculture is so dominant because of monoculture. People think it's animal agriculture vs. plant agriculture (or plants used for human consumption vs. using them to feed livestock), but from capitalism's point of view, feeding animals corn is just another way to use corn to generate profits.
People think we could feed the world by using the grain fed to animals to feed humans, but...the grain fed to animals, is not actually a viable diet for the human population, because it's literally just corn and soybean. Like animal agriculture is used to give some semblance of variety to the consumer's diet in a system that is almost totally dominated by like 3 monocrops.
Do y'all have any idea how much of the American diet is just corn?!?! Corn starch, corn syrup, corn this, corn that, processed into the appearance of variety. And chickens and pigs are just another way to process corn. That's basically why we have them, because they can eat our corn. It's a total disaster.
And it's even worse because almost all the USA's plant foods that aren't the giant industrial monocrops maintained by pesticides and machines, are harvested and cared for by undocumented migrant workers that get abused and mistreated and can't say anything because their boss will tattle on them to ICE.
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piglinmyfeet · 3 months
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Rating all the poses on the new hermitcraft banner
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Bdoubleo100: 6/10 pretty average, covered up by the person on the end but he's just reaching his arm out. Not too special but decent.
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Xizuma: 8/10 "yippee" energy but not 😁 yippee, more chill than that, basically he just looks like he's cheering for something. I like it.
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xBCrafted: 7/10 only criticism is why are him and Doc holding that thing like that? It makes it very hard for xb to use his other hand.
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DocM77: 7/10 pretty much the same as xb, still a bit selfish of him to be trapping xbs arm like that.
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Welsknight: 8/10 looks like he's dancing but very chill. We can't all be busting out the big guns and grooving the night away. Nice work.
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TangoTek: 7/10 I like it, he looks happy and eager, however thats also the exact pose people made when I was in school and people were trying to fight each other. I do not think tango is trying to fight anyone.
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VintageBeef: 9/10 looks like he's trying to dance. I like it. Keep it up, beef ✌️🙂
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StressMonster: 7/10 looks a bit like she's running away from beef, or really badly trying to kick scar. Why are you doing that, stress? I want to see where you're going with this.
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Goodtimeswithscar: 6/10 he's just chillin'. Looks confident though, can't say I disagree, though the angle of his head and his eyes make things a tad bit confusing
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Rendog: 9/10, I love it, he's so groovy, plus he's got that slutty slutty neckline. Another day another slay
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Pearlescentmoon: 9/10 similar dancing to beef except I think she's pointing at something and I'm curious as to what
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Mumbo Jumbo: 8/10 what's behind your back, mumbo killsalot jumbo? I distrust him...
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Keralis: 7/10 unsure if it's just his face but his arms being up and him leaning back makes him look a bit scared. Someone help this man to overcome his fears
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Joe Hills: 9.5/10 he looks very groovy indeed, but what's that he's doing with his hand? Hmmm....
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Zedaph: 4/10 don't be selfish. Tut tut tut zedaph
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Zombiecleo: 9.5/10 and that's what Joe's doing with his hand! Love the high five, woohoo
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Jevin: 7/10 good job, but maybe try a bit harder not to abuse Grian perhaps
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Grian: 6/10 clearly trying to escape jevin, however, kee out of poor ethos personal space. Keep to your own bubble. Shame on you Grian.
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Ethoslab: 1/10. Why's he throwing it back... ☹️
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Hypnotized: 9/10 some real teehee energy with this one. I appreciate that. Keep up the energy
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ImpulseSV: 9/10 biggest yippee energy so far. Either that or he really wants to ask a question
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Cubfan: 9/10 I can imagine him saying eureka. That's a type of can or something
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Falsesymmetry: 7/10 also big yippee energy, but maybe slightly less than Impulse. Love it still
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Iskall: 7/10 I can't tell if he's using that hand to shout, or whisper something to false, but either way I want to know what he's saying
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Geminitay: 6/10 pretty much the same as bdubs. Very covered by mystery person two electric boogaloo, but simple can be good
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TFC: 10/10 best for last is TFC chilling behind the F o7
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backwardsbread · 24 days
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Hazbin Hotel Characters:
~First I love you~
Warnings‼️: use of pet names, a dash of angst for Adam and Lucifer (I’m sorry), swearing, GN!Reader, Lucifer doesn’t really say it but it’s still cute I think.
A/N:Okay I’m VERY into fluffy scenarios with these characters rn- MY HEART- thank you guys for all the love towards these and I hope you enjoy! This is sorta rushed because I’m TIRED and working on TOO MANY THINGS.;-;
~not proofread~
Vox:
I’ve mentioned this in previous headcannons with Vox, but dating someone was most definitely not part of his plan.
He views himself as this big bad overlord who would never go soft for anyone.
Dude thinks he’s too good for anybody, even Vel and Val sometimes. He’s very proud of his work and what he does and doesn’t like anyone getting in the way of that.
You’re only a slight exception.
Who he would literally do anything for
He tries to keep your guys’ relationship very much under wraps. He understands how dangerous of a person he is to be around.
Sharing your relationship to the public would basically be an open invitation for anyone who has beef with Vox,
Including a pesky radio demon
To target you.
So while he denies your guys’ relationship to anyone and everyone, it’s understood between the two of you what you guys truly have.
However, Velvette and Val are able to see right through Vox’s bullshit when he starts getting feelings for you. They see how he reacts to your messages, your affections, and your presence.
They know Vox has a soft spot for you, but since they like their heads attached to their bodies, they keep their mouths shut.
As his feelings for you grow, it became more and more obvious to anyone with common sense what was going on.
The man literally relaxes at the mention of you.
Unbeknownst to Vox, literally EVERYONE knows about your guys’ ‘secret’ relationship.
Vox doesn’t realize how easy he is to read. He’s an impulsive liar, and a good one at that, but his actions very much contradict the lies he spits.
He could literally be screaming at one of his employees for who knows what, and if you walk into the room, his eyes soften and his attention is on you.
He’s straightening out his posture, trying to look as if he wasn’t about to murder one of his employees.
(He would deal with them later)
Despite how obvious his and your feelings are towards one another, Vox still doesn’t make anything public, letting fans and overlords alike to speculate.
It was a poorly kept secret but one the two of you mutually agreed to keep.
You are in Hell afterall. Saying you were the TV faced overlords significant other was like sticking a paper on your back that says ‘Kick me’
Vox does his best to balance his life with you and his work life. Work was all he ever knew, so when you entered his afterlife, scheduling became a huge issue.
He would love to spend every moment by your side but he’s work too hard. His empire is too important to him.
So while the two of you didn’t go out too frequently on dates or outings,
(But trust me when you do, it is luxurious. He makes the limited time you spend together worth it.)
Vox was always making a way to communicate with you.
Whether that be via phone call or through text messages, he’s always making sure to make an effort to spend time with you. Even if it was just hearing your voice and seeing your words through a screen.
On your off days, he keeps you on an ongoing call in his TV room at all times. Unless you have something planned of course, then it’s back to the texting.
He would be in and out of his screen room frequently between meetings and whatever other things he had to do. The little lair of his was where he spent a lot of his time catching up on paperwork, checking up on the latest releases, and working through the insane amount of work emails he received.
All while talking to you. Whether it was ranting about his day or yours, or if it was talking about what your guys’ next date would be or even just enjoying each other's silent, distant, company.
That brought you to now; listening to your significant other rant about his overlord associates who had sprung a last minute meeting on him.
You listen to him shuffling around his office, grumbling as he put on his suit jacket.
He rambled on grumpily while you listened with an amused smile. He swore under his breath as he looked at his watch.
"Alright doll, I'll be back in about an hour."
"Boooo."
"I know, but once this bullshit is over, I just have paperwork so I'll be all yours, I’ll talk to you later."
"Alright, see you in a bit, I love you.”
“Mhm, Love you too.”
Vox hurries out of his media room without a second thought, zapping into a nearby security camera and appearing into the meeting room in a bolt of electricity.
He begrudgingly sat in his chair slumping into himself and mentally preparing for the chaos his coworkers were about to create.
As Velvette and Val went at each other throats, his mind drifted to the thought of you.
God, he would give anything to just be next to you instead on enduring this Hell within Hell.
He zoned out, thinking about how you were sitting on call in his office, waiting for his return. You were so loyal to him.
He thought about you, your company and your voice, the way you sounded when you said you loved him.
Realization hits him like a freight train, his screen glitching out a bit and his fans kicking into high gear as he replays the conversation the two of you had before his abrupt departure.
He kind of stays in stunned silence for a moment, in complete utter shock. Was he dreaming?? He said it back so casually! Too casually!
He whips out his phone, shooting you a quick text:
~“You said you loved me??????”
It takes a few seconds for you to respond, but it feels far too long for Vox.
~“Yeah? You said it back”
~“I didn’t realize I did.”
~“Oh. Did you not mean to?”
~“No!”
~“Fuck that came out wrong. Hold on.”
Vox went into panic mode, his screen glitching in and out. Velvette and Valentinos arguing becoming muted background noise.
He tried his best not to blue screen or shut down completely, taking a deep breath to regain composure before he texted you back.
~“I do. I love you too.”
And boy are you glad Vox can’t see your right now because you are sure he would be soaking in your embarrassment with that prideful grin on his face.
You knew you said it first and honestly it felt natural coming out.
But knowing Vox felt the same, hearing him saying it, or well, seeing him say it.
Seeing that he got over his own pride to just say it by himself meant a lot to you.
It made your chest feel warm with joy, your stomach fluttered with imaginary butterflies, and your face burned red from those words that somehow meant more coming from him.
But of course you couldn’t let him know how giddy he truly made you.
Please don’t boost his ego more-
So instead you respond with;
~“That’s pretty corny, flat screen.”
Your reaction to his admission completely catches Vox off guard. He finds himself smirking to himself, somehow feeling better with you not taking him too seriously.
He couldn’t even hear his coworkers screaming at him, wanting his input on the subject they were arguing about.
He just chuckles to himself, tucking his phone into his pocket. Giving fake hums and nods of acknowledgment. Replaying those three little words in his head over and over and over.
Adam:
Holy shit, this man is too up his own ass to realize how bad he’s got it for you.
Don’t get me wrong, the man’s stuck up. He’s selfish. But whatever you ask?
Yeah you’ve got it or it’s at least getting done by the end of the day.
He’s got it bad.
He usually denies your request at first. He’s ’above such things’.
But whatever request it may be, whether it be him stopping to get food or requesting a late night cuddle session. He’s a sucker for you.
And everyone knows it but he will deny it to no end. No way is he soft for you. Nu-uh.
Because of his status and massive ego, it stops him from acting how he wants to around you for a long time.
Like, he’d love to hold your hand, be with you 24/7 in the streets of heaven.
But deep down he’s super self conscious about getting into a relationship. Man lost not one, but TWO wives that’s were MADE for him.
You’re good at getting him to show his true colors though. Straightening him out when he’s pushed too far.
He definitely made a big show about asking you out as well. Mostly to make himself less nervous about doing it.
According to him ‘it’s an honor he’s even asking you’
Which lead to you giving him a death glare and ignoring his ask the rest of the day until he asked you genuinely.
(He then surprised you at the end of the day with chocolates, a romantic dinner, and a huge blanket fort, where you guys cuddled and watched movies until 2 am. Where he asks you again to be his partner properly this time, not letting his ego get the better of him.)
But that aside, you’re one of the few people who can see through Adam’s egotistical exterior.
I hc that he’s a big softie. So oh boy, when you utter these three little words to him, they gain so much more meaning.
I mean we already know the man loves praise. Hearing it from you is a whole different level of euphoria.
It was the morning of an extermination, and while you weren’t meant to know, Adam couldn’t keep anything from you. You ended up finding out about his yearly activities in killing sinners.
The two of you didn’t speak of it often. It’s not like Adam was supposed to speak on the matter anyways.
But when you heard about the exterminations now coming twice a year?
You couldn’t help but feel nervous for your significant other. Sure Adam was strong, but who knew what the hell spawn were capable of?
Adam had finished getting dressed, walking out of his room with his mask in hand.
He seemed like a giddy child, muttering excitedly how he ready he was. It was a way to get the adrenaline flowing and get him hyped for the big day.
Despite how gruesome it was, he did love his job and the praise he received for it.
You’re laying on the couch watching Adam, hearing only your heartbeat in your ears. You watch Adam put on his mask, looking towards you and giving a small wave.
“Alright babe! I’ll see ya later. Hey, you should order from that one kick ass pizza place tonight! Celebration dinner after I wipe out those fuckin’ hellspawn!”
You’re quick to blink out of your panicked daze, swinging your legs over the cushions and nearly tripping over yourself as you go over to him before he can get out the door.
You let out a breath, brushing off nonexistent dust off his pristine war outfit.
“Just.. don’t be stupid. Alright? Don’t go biting off more than you can chew.”
“Uhh. Babe. You do realize who you’re dating right?? I’m fucking Adam! The original-.”
“Original dick, first man, yes yes I know.”
He looked at you through his mask, his grin faltering at the edges when he saw your eyes drowning in worry that you hid behind a nervous smile.
You avoid his gaze, continuing to try and find things in his outfit to straighten out before he can leave.
If you’re lucky, you’ll find something bad enough causing him to have to stay home.
Where it was safe with you.
Adam puts a hand over your own, stopping you from brushing imaginary fuzz off the front of his shirt.
You meet his gaze, and despite his mask being on, you see a genuine soft smile. One of adoration and reassurance.
One that made you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding in.
You press a quick kiss against his mask where a projection of his lips were.
He always hated when you did that. You depriving him of your real soft lips against his own.
Just ask him to take the mask off, he would do it if it meant he could kiss you.
Before he can complain, you gently squeeze his hand, letting out a whispered voice. Almost sounding too nervous- no, too scared- to speak.
“I love you.. please be careful..”
You go to let go of his hand so he can be on his merry way. But he’s quick to process your words.
He tightens his grip on your hand, pulling you in closer to him. A look of shock is evident on his face.
He squeezes your hand, pulling you against his chest. He moves his face, almost uncomfortably close, with his mask causing forced distance between you.
“Say that again.”
Now you were a little confused.
What did you even say again?
Did Adam suddenly get cold feet with the whole extermination?
He kept your body in a sort of pose that looked like you were going to start dancing.
His one hand in your own, holding tightly while his other arm wrapped around your torso, hand pressed against the small of your back to keep you close.
Your body pressed against his, it seemed he only wanted you closer, keeping a firm arm wrapped around your torso while you waited for you to repeat your words.
You look up at Adam, repeating your own words in your head. The realization of what you said and, what he wanted to hear again from you, made your face flush from light shades of pink to dark hues of red.
Adam has a smug grin on his face, keeping his tight grip on you. Refusing to let you go until you give him what he wants.
You see the look on his face and roll your eyes a bit while smiling. In a sudden rush of confidence, you kiss his mask again, wiping that smug smirk off his face.
“I love you.. be careful.”
You repeat, once again before Adam can complain about your teased kisses.
Part of Adam is glad you can’t see his face, which was burning red from your actions and words. You speaking sweetness enough to make him melt in your arms.
Those three little words that seemed so cliche before you uttered them.
He lets go of your hand so he can lift his mask off over his head. As soon as it’s off, he’s leaning in to kiss you. Just before his lips reach yours, whispering back a small:
“I love you too, babe.”
And just like that, he’s kissing you in the most soft and genuine way Adam can be. How he always was with you.
You didn’t know that would be the first and last time you would get to utter those words to your partner.
You didn’t know Adam wouldn’t be returning back to heaven after his expedition.
You didn’t know you’d only be able to hold his empty halo, whispering the lost words you never got to say to him.
Adam never planned to leave you alone questioning your faith.
You didn’t know, but at least Adam knew you loved him before it was too late.
Lucifer:
Another big sap despite his title.
Of ya know. The devil.
He met you a few months after Lillith left. So you saw him at rock bottom.
You met him at rock bottom. Wallowing in sorrows and self pity, waiting for his wife to return.
You never did pry at the king, one because he was your superior, and two because he was never in the right mind space to listen to you.
You offered an ear when he needed, an occasional shoulder to lean on when Lucifer had downed too many bottles.
You made sure the king stayed fed and physically stable. Forcing him out of bed on bad days.
(Well i wouldn’t say forcing. You’d sit beside him, rubbing his back while he lets gentle tears fall down his face. Whispering reassuring words and asking what he wants to eat so he would get up and get his desired meal you serve)
(It’s more of convincing and encouraging)
Lucifer had spent his eternity with Lillith. Having been with someone so long, he couldn’t imagine his life without her.
He was angry. He was grief stricken. He was confused. He was sad.
Her departure tore him and the family they had made apart.
You made him feel normal again. Like he wasn’t a failure of a king, husband, and father. You made him feel okay about himself.
Slowly over the years, Lucifer was recovering. It was painfully slow, but you had patience. These things took time overall.
He would never truly be over his wife’s leaving, not really knowing the reason why she had gone, only blaming himself for it.
A part of his heart was torn out that day, but you worked to fill it with new hope.
Lucifer is completely blind to your doing for awhile. I mean he spent a couple years disassociated from everything.
You provided everything for him and he barely knew anything about you. What was your intent in the first place?
He did ask you this once, why you were helping him. Why you did what you did.
Your reason was simple but struck a chord with Lucifer.
You said he deserved to be loved.
Loved.
He had half the mind to burst out in tears right then and there
After that admission, Lucifer set a goal to become a sort of equal to you. To provide for you as you had for him.
The newfound determination to basically serve you got the king of hell up and moving again.
What the two of you had felt so domestic. Cooking and cleaning together, tending to the garden Lucifer had made with Lillith. He couldn’t bare to step foot in it after she left.
But when he saw you out there in the garden covered in dirt and mud, yanking pesky weeds from the ground.
He couldn’t help but go out there. He didn’t even know you had been tending to it.
Most life had died in the garden with Lucifer’s marriage. Painful and sad
It became a midday chore for you while Lucifer grieved indoors. You caught eye of the gardens beauty one day and thought to spruce it up a bit.
When Lucifer was on his feet again, he joined you in this chore. Trimming away dead branches, pulling weeds, picking fruit that had ripened enough.
While he could just use his angelic power to grow these things, nurturing the plants from the start and watching them thrive and bloom was something he enjoyed ever since creation started.
It was something so special to him. So pure and a reminder of home.
The two of you grew closer with this shared chore, it didn’t quite feel like a chore anymore. As it was something the two of you looked forward to now.
Lucifer could feel himself falling. It was what he was prone to doing. But he couldn’t bring himself to be that vulnerable again.
Everytime he had fallen it left him bruised and lost. And if he lost you, he didn’t know if anyone would come pick him up again.
He could only get so lucky so many times.
He was currently looking at an open space near the center of the extensive garden. Where several paths met up in the middle of the garden. Where large trees formed a sort of dome shape protecting anything beneath them.
Lucifer hummed to himself, sleeves pulled up to his elbows. He tapped his chin thoughtfully, spreading the dirt on his fingertips to his face.
He glanced at how much space there was in the center of the garden. He always thought the center was bland. Sure you could lay down and look up towards Hell’s blood skies, but after centuries of seeing nothing but red above him, the sight got boring.
Besides, his creativity was bubbling in him. Begging for something new.
With a point of his finger, golden hues shot out, a large fountain forming in the middle of the gardens. It wasn’t quite tall enough to reach the trees above, but it did challenge them.
The white cement water fountain had edges to sit comfortably, three tiers, with little ducks on the middle layer spitting out water into the pool below.
Gold accents decorated each layer of the fountain. The pool to hold the water having a ruby red color, making the water appear like blood when it sat at the bottom.
Lucifer walked around the fountain, looking over every detail of his work. Making sure it was pristine and perfect.
He enjoyed it for the smallest moment, leaning his hands against the base of the fountain, leaning in to look at his reflection.
He then grew frustrated, not able to enjoy his own creation. It wasn’t good enough, not if it was made from his hands.
He growled, slapping his hand through the water, causing it to splash out. He gripped the edge of the fountain, gritting his teeth.
“Goodness..”
Your voice made him quite frankly jump into the air, falling onto his butt. His head snapped in your directions.
Your eyes were blown wide while you stared at Lucifer’s newest creation. Hands gripping a basket of freshly picked produce from the garden.
The king sits up, stuttering over himself as you move closer to get a better look at the fountain.
“You made this?”
You ask quietly, gently running your fingertips against the designs of the sides of the fountain, feeling the smooth detailing.
“Yeah I know.. it’s uh.. it’s-..”
“It’s beautiful.”
Lucifer visibly tenses at your words, looking up at you with eyes wide in shock.
He was dumbfounded, he looked like a child sitting on the ground just staring at you like this.
You look down at him, seeing his eyes wide and his jaw practically hanging on the floor. You can’t help but chuckle, deciding to take a seat next to him.
You set the basket between the two of you. Picking up a peach from the basket.
“The produce is growing lovely this year.”
You compliment the gardens hard work. Lucifer blinks out of his daydream, looking at the basket between the two of you.
His heart swells with joy. A sense of accomplishment that his creation, something he made, you thought it was beautiful.
His eyes trail to you. The light peering through the branches above you casting perfect rays on your skin.
Your company felt like home. It felt warm and comforting.
And in this light, in the garden, you looked just like…
“I love y-..”
Lucifer starts to speak before his mind can stop him. When you meet his gaze, his voice catches in his throat.
His face flushes golden colors when he caught himself almost daring to say that to you.
He lets out a comedic laugh, awkward and loud.
“..youuurrr COMPANY! Hah! Wow what a nice day! Gee golly, can’t imagine it any other way haha!”
You stare at him for a moment. Of course you were use to Lucifer’s occasional awkwardness behavior, but often times you had to read between the lines to understand what he truly meant/wanted to say.
You kind of got at what he was trying to say, your heart starting to beat fast in your chest at the thought of it.
But it wasn’t the right time. You knew Lucifer wasn’t ready.
You offer her a small smile, handing the fruit to Lucifer. You reach a hand up to wipe the dirt off his chin.
“I love it too. Any day with you.”
Lucifer’s face flushed gold once again, shoulders relaxing. He instinctively leaned into your touch, looking up at the fountain.
Patience. So patient with him.
492 notes · View notes
thebearer · 9 months
Text
follow me |carmen berzatto x reader|
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prompt: the bear needs a social media rebrand. sydney hired you, and carmen gets more than just followers after meeting you.
an: bad descript i'm sorry lol. basically you're a social media manager and carmen likes you lol or how you and carmen meet <3 also thinking this will be a part 1???? lmk if you want a part 2!!!
contains: reader is a social media manager. language. carmen denying himself happiness ofc. mentions of mikey. fluff, fluff, fluff!!!
“What the hell is this?” Sydney’s voice raised, brow raised even higher to heighten her suspicions. Maybe her disgust. 
After Carmen looked at the snarl on her face, he decided it was definitely disgust. 
“What?” Carmen shrugged, looking at the screen in front of him. “It’s the, uh, The Beef’s old Instagram.” 
“Right.” Sydney said slowly, blinking at Carmen obviously. “The Beef, and we are not that anymore. We are The Bear.” She scrolled for a moment. “They also haven’t posted since twenty-twenty, which is-” 
“-Well, Mikey ran it, alright?” Carmen huffed, glaring at Sydney with annoyance. “I just found the fuckin’ password on a fucking gum wrapper in a folder labeled ‘important shit’ so I don’t know what to tell you.” 
Sydney nodded slowly, looking back at the phone, before sighing deeply. “I know what you should do.” She said, typing on her phone. Carmen grunted, still looking at the piles of order forms for produce in front of him. “You need a social media manager, because Carm, this? It's not gonna work.” 
“Social media what?” Carmen’s brows creased, shaking his head. “I don’t- no, I don’t need to do that. I’ll just, I’ll get Gary or fuckin’ Sweeps or Fak to run-”
“No, no, Carmen, seriously? Look at this. There’s- oh my God- there’s a thing here that says bring your own plate and you’ll get a free drink, Carmen… What the fuck?” Sydney sighed, shaking her head at him. 
Carmen nodded, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I-I’m thinking that was a, uh, a Mikey special.” He muttered, pinching his eyes shut. “I can’t afford to hire someone on the payroll for that long, ok? Not when I could hire another hostess or-or a runner.” 
“They only come in to revamp and get it started. Just a little kick start for now. To get us started.” Sydney explained, clicking on her screen. “Look, I have a mutual friend with this girl who’s really fuckin’ good, ok? She did Lobo’s that pizza place? Got them from two hundred to eighteen thousand followers in like two or three months.” 
Carmen’s eyes flashed, looking at Sydney with a raised brow. “Seriously? Fuck…” Carmen looked at the screen, the crisp photos, videos, fun and trendy- vibrant and alluring. He hated to admit it, but it was good. 
“Look, Carm, it’s free advertising, ok? You catch the influencers if it goes viral. Could really put this place out there.” Sydney countered. “It’d be a lot cheaper than paying for some shitty advertisement on the news that no one watches anyways. Could bring in a lot of business and attention.” 
Carmen’s fingers drummed against the counter, sighing sharply. “Fine, whatever, see if you can get her in and just… Just tell me how much I need to put aside, alright? I’ll push the new glasses until then.” 
Sydney smiled triumphantly, nodding at Carmen. “Yes, Chef.” She saluted, walking out of the office. 
Three days later, you were standing outside of The Bear, newly opened, freshly renovated, and steady but not booming. “Uh, excuse me?” You waved through the window at the man in the beanie, looking at you carefully. 
“Hey, we’re closed until dinner, alright? But you can-” 
“Oh, no. I, uh, I’m not here for eating.” You cringed, shaking your head. “I’m looking for Sydney? Or Carmen? I’m the new social media person?” 
“Social media?” The man repeated, pushing the door open further. “Oh, shit! You’re the girl who does the, uh, Lobo and Avec!” 
“Yeah, I am.” You blushed, walking into the restaurant. 
“I love watching those reels of the asmr cutting the bread. Ugh, I watch it every night before going to bed.” The guy laughed, locking the door behind you. “Oh, I’m Marcus by the way.” 
You took his extended hand, introducing yourself, while you took in the fixtures on the wall, the art, the overall ambiance. “I am going to get Carmen, but you can stay right here if you want.” Marcus grinned, pushing the sliding doors open. 
You set your things down, pulling out your notebook, and looking around the restaurant. You knew that this was once The Beef, Sydney had sent you a few things about Carmen’s credentials and you looked up the rest. Impressed was an understatement, a guy your age that had ran the best restaurant in the world? Quite possibly was the best chef in the world or at least Chicago and needed your help? You were nervous, to say the least. 
Marcus called your name, making you jump slightly as you turned around. “Uh, so this is Carmen. He’s the owner, the head chef.” 
“Hi,” You were met with piercing blue eyes, hidden under a stray blonde lock of hair. Carmen’s hand reached for yours. “Nice to meet you. Sydney, uh, she couldn’t stop tellin’ me about your work. Thank you for helpin’ us out.” 
“No, no, thank you.” You reached for his hand, strong, a little rough, trying not to stare at his inked fingers. “It’s a pleasure to work with you. She told me a little about you, about the restaurant. It’s very impressive. Surprised you needed me.” You grinned. 
Carmen bit back a smile, looking down to hide his blush. Fuck, Sydney said you were good at your job, she failed to mention that you were so fuckin’ pretty too. Carmen could feel his heart fluttering in his chest, taking flight like he was a middle schooler again with a school yard crush. 
“So, if you have time, I want to go over some goals with you?” You say, gripping your notebook tightly. 
“Goals. Right, uh,” Carmen looked through the back doors. “Sydney is on her break, and-and my sister, Sugar- well, her name is Natalie, she’s like our manager. Richie too, uh, shit- I’m sorry that’s a lot of people, I know.” Carmen shook his head, an anxious laugh pealing out from his lips. “Those are the people you need to talk to, basically. I can grab them, just-” 
“-But you’re the owner, right?” You asked, lifting a brow gently. 
“No, I mean, yeah, I am.” Carmen stuttered. 
“Then I need to talk to you, too.” You gave him a small smile. “I mean, you know this place better than anyone, right? All the ins and outs? And from what Sydney told me, you redid this entire place. Right?” 
“Yeah, I did.” Carmen nodded. Fuck, he kept staring at your lips, he didn’t mean to, he was just… he was distracted. 
“So, we can all meet if you want, or I can do it one at a time.” You pulled your pen out of your notebook, looking at him with a gentle smile. It had Carmen’s heart racing. “I just have a few questions about the vision.” 
“The vision?” Carmen repeated, swallowing around the growing lump in his throat. 
“Yeah, the vision.” You smiled. “Just… tell me about this place. Tell me about you.” You slid into the chair across from him. 
Carmen wiped his hands on his pants, turning to look at the doors, hoping someone would come to his rescue. He wasn’t good at talking, especially not to pretty girls, especially about himself. Still, he couldn’t leave you sitting there. He’d hired you after all, and you were here to help him. So he sat down across from you, hoping you didn’t see the way his knee bounced under the table, hoping you couldn’t hear how his heart pounded. 
“So, Carmen Berzatto,” You grinned, every syllable of his name rolling off your tongue so sweetly, Carmen was sure he was going to faint. “Tell me about The Bear. Why did you start it?”
“Well, it was The Beef before. And-And my parents owned it, then my brother Mikey did…” Carmen started, watching the way you scribbled, eyes flickering to him with a small smile.
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“Hello!” You called, pushing through the back door. They’d given you the code a week ago, so you didn’t have to wait or pound on the front door until someone took mercy and let you in. “It’s content day!” You sang, cheery and bright. 
Carmen could hear the pretty trill of your voice, trickling down the hall and into the kitchen. Tina smirked, watching the way he stopped, turning to look at you, blush rising under his white shirt. “Hey, Jeff,” Tina smirked, his head snapping to her. “Your girl’s here.” 
The staff had been teasing Carmen relentlessly about how smitten he was with you. Something he’d been so reluctant to do, he now looked forward to. Carmen swore it was because of your work. You had taken them from the measly six hundred followers they’d had since they started the account in twenty-eleven to six thousand, strategic posts and tags and tagging a few buzz accounts that were Chicago foodies. Business had gone up, reservations filling slowly. Followers poured in from TikTok, from the reels, from the posts. One tag from a micro Chicago influencer had brought in a good chunk and was still, all because of a photo with the pretty light features and the dessert. 
“Where’s the Bear?” You grinned, passing Sydney, camera in hand, bag slung over your shoulder. You pushed open Carmen’s office, dropping your bag in there. He’d told you that you could keep your things in there, since you didn’t have a locker, of course- and not at all because that meant he’d see you before you left. 
“He’s in here, baby!” Tina called, smirking at Carmen. 
“C’mon,” Carmen shook his head, a deep breath to keep him from looking so flushed. It worked for a moment, of course, until you rounded the corner. All bright smiles and fuck, you smelled so good. Camren wanted to drown himself in your perfume. “Good morning, Bear.” You beamed. 
Carmen grinned, cheeks heating with every step you took forward. “Mornin’.” He muttered, looking at the clock. 
“It’s content day.” You grinned, shaking your camera lightly. “Tell me you got something good for me, Chef. What's the special this week?” 
“A lamb tenderloin with a gorgonzola sauce served over pasta- house made, of course.” Carmen answered. 
“Of course.” You repeated with a tiny grin. You turned on your camera, taking a test shot, before you looked at Carmen carefully. “Ready whenever you are, Chef.” 
Carmen bit back his own grin, clearing his throat lightly. “How do I start it? The same as last time?” 
“Yep.” You nodded, pressing the camera to your eyes. “Tell me your name, name of the restaurant, and then just this week's special.” 
“On your mark.” Carmen nodded, picking up his clean utensil. 
“On yours.” You laughed. “I’m already recording.” 
Carmen spoke to the camera easily, trying to stay trained on the lens and not at you. How you’d grin and nod encouragingly at him, zooming in closer as he chopped, seasoned, pulled the already prepared and finished product out of the oven. 
Richie crossed his arms, leaning against the wall next to Sugar, lips pursed knowingly. “I know you’re thinkin’ the same shit as me.” 
Sugar hummed. “That Carmen’s into her?” 
“Way fuckin’ into her.” Richie grinned, watching as Carmen blushed, grinning back at you, genuine and a little shy at your compliment. 
“Fifty bucks says he doesn’t make a move.” Sugar looked at Richie. 
Richie snorted, scoffing with a shake of his head. “Alright. I’ll take your bet. I say he does.” 
“Get ready to be out of fifty dollars, Cousin.” Sugar said smugly. “This is Carmy we’re talking about. Not Mikey. Carmen’s not gonna make a move on her.” 
“Eh, not so quick, my dear, Natalie. Carmen’s changed a little since this place.” Since the horrendous freezer incident with Claire. “He really likes her too, look at ‘em.” Richie nodded, watching as Carmen held the spoon out for you, blushing when your hand touched his to take it, groaning before smothering him in compliments. Tina looked at Richie, amused and grinning from across the room. 
“Carmen will seal the deal. It’ll be last fuckin’ minute and it will be a mess, because it’s fuckin’ Carmen, but… I believe in him.” Richie nodded. 
Natalie snorted. “I genuinely hope you’re right, Cousin.” She looked at Carmen with a small smile, watching the way he looked at you, eyes cutting like he was being so cool about keeping his feelings underwraps. “I really do.” 
That night, Carmen lied in bed, scrolling through his footage from the day, seeing the video pop up from @/thebearchicago. Set to classical music, snobby and dramatic, the cuts, Carmen’s voice laid over describing the meal for the week, and a particularly good close up of his hands cutting the onions fiercely. Carmen was shocked to see the number of likes… the number of comments flooding in. 
“the cameraman knew exactly what they were doing lmao”
“New necklace available!!!” 
“I will give you my vital organs and let you chop them up like that if you let me watch chef please” 
“What the fuck?” Carmen snorted lightly, shaking his head, scrolling through the comments. He clicked to the main page of the restaurant, seeing you were just a few away from ten thousand followers. Fuck… Sydney was fucking right. You were good. 
Carmen’s face fell, mind racing and screaming with the reminder that you were only there for a few more days. He’d only hired your for two months- two glorious fucking months. You seemed… permanent now. Like he couldn’t imagine you not coming in on Tuesdays and Thursdays and after three on Fridays. You were a staple there. The staff loved you, you were good, and-
And Carmen really liked you. Liked having you around. Looked forward to talking to you. To get the chance to lean over your shoulder as an excuse to touch you when you showed him a preview of a post. Or when you’d send him cute text messages, a funny comment attached, your text reading: “you’re a hit, bear! they love you!” 
It was like you could read his mind, your contact flashing across the screen at him. 
To: Carmen 
‘told you this would be a good one! the fans love you berzatto!!!’ 
Carmen grinned, the faint twinge of a blush on his face. He could feel his heart racing, fingers dancing over the keyboard, and worst of all- he could hear Mikey’s fucking voice in the back of his head. A nagging tone repeating over and over and over, “Let it rip, Bear! Don’t be such a pussy! Ask her out!” 
Carmen looked at his screen, fingers typing out the message, a short, less than smooth invite to make you a special thank you dinner and his place- a date. He hoped you picked up on it. Heat hammering in his chest, he could feel his chest tighten, ribs knitting together uncomfortably, stomach twisting in the worst way. 
So, Carmen did what he always did. 
From: Carmen 
‘Never doubted you. Thank you. The video was great.’ 
He watched as the blue sent, the delivered turning into seen, and followed by your thumbs up over the text. Carmen put his phone on the table, lying back on his pillow, but he couldn’t sleep. His stomach still turned, unsettled with regret. 
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“Oh! Marcus stop!” You gasped, Carmen’s head turning at the sound of your voice. “You didn’t need to do all of this!” 
“Yeah, I did.” Marcus beamed. Carmen turned the corner, seeing a beautifully piped cake there, candles and icing cursive that read “thank you!” in the middle of the buttercream. “You’re cool and you got us on the map, girl. Plus, we’re gonna miss you.” 
“Yeah,” Sydney nodded, holding a small balloon that said that exact phrase on it. “We will miss you.” 
“I’ll miss you guys.” You grinned, hugging them both tightly. “This has been my favorite job so far. You guys have been so nice. Way nicer than a lot of these assholes around here.” You grinned. 
Richie stood on the wall, foot tapping, eyes darting back from you to Carmen. He could see his cousin’s stuttering movements, hesitant and careful, before retreating back into himself. C’mon, Carm, fuckin’ do it, Richie thought, shaking his head. Carmen wouldn’t though, wouldn’t let himself be happy. Richie took a deep breath, head shaking with annoyance. 
“Goddammit, Berzatto,” Richie muttered, pushing off the wall. “You know, sweetheart, it’s been so great having you. Seriously, you blew us all away.” Richie said, walking towards you. 
You smiled. “Thanks, Richie. I really appreciate it.” 
“And you know what, we want to really show how much we appreciate you.” Richie’s eyes cut to Natalie, a silent plea to help him out. “I had a cancellation for this evening, and I would love for you to come instead. Let us really cook for you, give you the whole experience. No bill, of course. All on the house, for you, my dear.” 
“Oh, I-I couldn’t let you guys do that.” You shook your head politely, eyes cutting to Carmen’s. 
“No-No, please.” Carmen nodded, finally speaking. Richie sighed silently in relief. “It would be great actually. Please?” 
You felt your heart melt, nodding softly. Before you could even reply, Richie was stepping up again. “And you know what? You gotta do one last post for us, right? The big chef spotlight one. The, uh, c’mon, Sydney what am I lookin’ for here?” 
“Oh, the one about the staff spotlights?” Sydney asked. 
“That’s the one. See, that’s it. And you’ve done everyone except the big boss.” Richie pointed at Carmen, ignoring the way the younger man’s face fell. 
“I didn’t get one-” Fak started, Richie shoving him out of the way. 
“You gotta end with Carmy, and it's funny because it’s gonna be real slow tonight anyways. Wednesday, ya know? And I think what better way to experience the night, really craft that staff spotlight thing, than with Carmen. The two of you, have dinner and get to talk.” Richie knew it was rocky, not at all smooth, but it was the best he could do. 
“What? Cousin, what are you-” 
“-No, you’re right, Richie.” Sugar added, stepping towards Carmen, and cutting him off. “And Carm, you were saying you wanted to see everything in action for yourself. You do the customer experience so you make sure everything’s good, and we’ll serve you both dinner. All the stops.” 
“How’s that sound?” Richie clapped his hands together, nodding at Tina, who grinned. 
“Jeff, it would be really nice to make sure we can work without your instructions. A good night for it too.” Tina added. 
“Yeah, and Sydney’s got it.” Richie nudged the girl beside him. 
“Totally, Carm- uh, Chef. I’ve got it.” Sydney nodded, catching on to Richie’s glare at her. 
Carmen felt like he could melt into the floor, face red and palms sweaty. His ears were ringing, tongue swelled thick in his mouth. You looked over at him with a small smile. “I mean, that does sound really nice. If-If it’s ok with you guys, you don’t have to-” 
“-Oh no,” Richie shook his head, walking over to Carmen to clap him on the shoulders. “We insist, don’t we, cousin?” Richie laughed, leaning down to Carmen. “Don’t fuckin’ stand there like a jagoff, say somethin’.” He whispered. 
“Yeah.” Carmen said, swallowing thickly around the lump in his throat. “It’s, uh, yeah. That-That sounds great.” 
“Wonderful.” Richie beamed. “Six o’clock sounds good for you kids? Give you enough time to get it together.” Richie looked from you to Carmen. “Maybe for some of us to take a shower.” 
Carmen could feel the heat rise from his neck to his cheeks, covering him in a furious blush. You giggled. “Definitely gives me time to get a blow out.” You laugh. “See you at six then?” 
“It’s a date.” Natalie added, practically bouncing on her toes behind Carmen. 
Carmen glared at her, before turning back to you. “Yeah, I-I’ll see you then.” 
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soulrph · 10 months
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chaotic unhinged lines from 2022-2023 (prompt edition).
basically in 2021 i made a list of prompts inspired by lines in tiktok videos and instagram reels that made me laugh so hard i cried! and now i have returned with another list! these may provide an alarmingly clear image of what my sense of humor is (aka broken) but i figure a little levity is always a good thing! more prompts are forthcoming, but in the mean time: bon appetit!
knowledge has always chased you, but you've always been faster.
no... no, that was mango apathy juice. from the farmer's market.
of all these people, you are the one i understand the least. i want to get to know you better, but like, not that much better.
i-i will CHEW YOUR MEAT!! WHAT are you doing?!
ooooh god, no, you wouldn't be long getting frostbit!
you are evil. like a hobbit.
WHY MUST YOU FAIL ME SO OFTEN?!?!!?
i have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
AHEM!! fill my cup.
may god ignore you like you ignored my greetings.
i will avenge you mister van gogh.
call off work bestie, we need you to solve a murder. here's fifteen dollars.
you're not in love. you may think you are, you dumb fuck, but you're not.
go ahead and put the ranch away.
sadly, "hopefully" doth butter no parsnips.
forget school, i want to be an italian sandwich.
you shouldn't skip work, you are a lawyer and he is a hamster.
you can stop roleplaying now. you're free.
her coupon game was so fucking raw.
i'm sorry guys... he's making a salad.
you could get a straight guy here if you learned to make a good pasta. i'll teach you how to make a risotto that'll get you married and out of my basement.
hey, do you want me to get together a plate of roast beef and hide it in our room so we can have night meats?
it's not the most ethical thing in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby.
no, children, you're wrong. once upon a time, there was a piece of wood.
and i'm not saying she deserved it, but i am saying that god's timing is always riiiiight.
hydrate or die-drate, ya DICK!
why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was DEAD.
new york city is a fictional place written up by someone with a sinister mind and a knack for comedy.
this is grindr my guy.
wait, i didn't finish teaching you the difference between human and wolf anatomy.
it's time to tell your grandmother that she was wrong. do not be afraid.
vanilla vodka... you fucking child.
without ash to rise from, a phoenix would just be a bird getting up.
you are fucking alive. do what you want.
why are you cradling me like a baby, friend? this isn't how guys of my generation hang out.
i hope a hedgehog shits in your cereal, you difficult person.
you know, i am not as mean as i would like to be. and i think people should appreciate that more.
see, i am not a kangaroo.
well, i'd like to help, but... you see... not as much as i'd like not to.
rest in peace you fucking onion fairy.
when god sings with all his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?
i fight for a seat in heaven, every. single. day.
map maker? can you find me somewhere on the map where this big man thinks he's the king?
you bald-headed demon...
so... there are 24 million pigs in australia... and 24 million people... so if you ever feel lonely, there's like, a pig out there that's sort of your cosmic twin.
remember, alcohol is god's apology for making us self-aware.
i'm straight!! stop CONFUSING me!!!!!
you guys want something to eat? because... i know we'll die if we don't eat.
he is a BIBLICALLY gorgeous man. i wanna feed him grapes. i wanna fan him with the frond of a date palm from the forests of Lebanon. i wanna find the alabaster vial of perfume oil that one woman broke for jesus and comb it through his hair. like... he's stressing me OUT.
i'm not sad! i'm freaking HUNGRY!
maybe, if we wait a little bit longer, a fuck will fall into my hand, and i can give it to you.
it's not my fault you thought you lived in this IKEA.
let's leave my mother out of this.
jason may kill people but he's not bad enough to kick a dog.
i run for LUMP!
oh no, i'm all out of caring, baby!
you don't think it mcbe that way... but it mcdo.
what is this enticing bowl of white?
serious question, do his nipples sparkle?
what in the reese's peanut butter fuck is going on here?
if your parents don't buy it, stop loving them!
i just hope you know just how much you've decreased productivity today.
that was poetry at its FINEST.
and if you let that motherfucker shenan ONCE, you best believe they're gonna shenanIGAN!
may god bless the dinosaur that died to make the fossil fuel that was treated to become petrol in the car that took her mom to the hospital to give birth to her.
that's modern milk for ya. what a time to be alive.
you have attachment issues. please fix it.
remember when people had secrets? we should bring that back.
the moon landing was an elaborate marriage proposal.
i don't like the cobra chicken.
i didn't know eggs were this expensive? it's time to lay my own, i fear.
so you're saying the reason i don't have a girlfriend is because i'm not a big enough threat yet.
god gave him a top lip, that's why he's so powerful.
it's a common mistake, but frankenstein was actually the author.
i finally got a pocket-sized diary!!! also i don't get the concept of life.
if a beautiful woman disagrees with me, i will immediately change my view. i've no principles.
how did you all end up married to such boiled potatoes?
if so much as one tear drops from their eye... i will slap you back into your mum.
you are ringing a phone that does not like to be rung.
look how Dr. doofenschmirtz had a fucked up childhood but didn't project his trauma onto his teenage daughter. he projected it onto a platypus.
it is mathematically impossible for you to get a wedgie.
i'm breaking up with you. i love you, it's just... i don't think you could protect me from a mummy.
if you can't do fractions....... you will fucking die.
that's right; in the year 1791, all of our bottoms were killed in a Big Bottom Massacre.
people always assume i'm mean. like CAN you BELIEVE THAT CRAP?! like WHAT would make you think i'm MEAN?! I'M THE NICEST PERSON ON THE PLANET!
the chocolate milk is strikingly overpriced and at the same time very easy to steal; another of god's little tests.
someone's gotta tell the waiter that i ordered mashed 'taters and it sure as shit ain't gonna be me.
if i had a week i couldn't list all the reasons that wouldn't work.
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weirdmarioenemies · 1 month
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SURPRISE! Did you think the day would come when we would cover Love Live on this blog? I didn't!
Yohane the Parhelion: Blaze in the Deepblue is the Metroidvania-style game based on the fantasy spin-off of Love Live Sunshine, but you probably don't care about that! Statistically speaking, our target audience is Bogleech readers who are deeply revolted by anime girls!
So why bring up? Why bring it up? The answer is 🐠 FUNNY FISH! It's Funny Fish Friday!
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Since this game is set in an underwater temple, the enemies this game are all based on sea creatures, and that's cool! Again, statistically speaking, you probably think sea creatures are cool. I really liked seeing the variety of enemies when playing through this game, so I thought it'd be fun if I could share them with an audience of people who otherwise wouldn't care! None of the enemies really have names, as far as I'm aware of. But I'll do my Rubesty...?
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Our first guy we encounter in the game is the sort of guy who emerges from the ground like the Zombies from Castlevania, and wow! A good first impression I think. It is sort of a squid mantle, if the mantle was also a cloak for a spooky sort of wizard! The way it doesn't really have a 'face' in the hood and the eye is below really makes it seem like a weird mimic creature. Cool!
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They also get a tough lategame variant which looks like a mix between a flapjack and a vampire squid. You don't often see flapjacks be designed as scary!
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Next is Barnacles! A whole clump of them, like a cake. They shoot Energy Balls at you. Is this what Barnacles can do if they combine their powers...? The top actually opens up, and it looks a lot like a sea urchin's mouth! So maybe it is some sort of naked urchin creature covered in barnacles? Game Theory!
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There are also barnacles with Ice Powers. Like real life!
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Let's give it up for Garden Eel!!!!
What a fine Garden Eel it is! Complete with the sort of grumpy face, and with the addition of two little arms that make it look like it's praying or maybe a bit shy. But it is mean! It also spits energy balls at you, then hides in the hole so you can't hit it. How very sneaky!
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SO sneaky, in fact, that these eels have mastered the art of ninjutsu! The ninja eel shows up for a split second in one single room, before smoke bombing away. You'd have to use a time freeze power to get him, but I never got around to doing that. I don't have any beef with a ninja eel! I respect him and his training!
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Did someone say CTENOPHORE? I hope you did, or my hearing has really gotten worse. This thing is a grade A ctenophore, only with a ring of Scary Teeth! A little scary to think of a ctenophore who could Bite you, but nonetheless this deserves a :ctenopog:!
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Let's not forget Fish Vortex! Fish Vortex was the first guy to make me go 'wow, this game's enemies really are awesome!' So of course I had to put him at the top of the post! He is my selling point! I am selling all these enemies to you. For 4.99 a pop!
Anyway. This design is just so funny and cool at the same time. A swirling school of fish that leads into an endless dark abyss, and in the middle, a big eyeball. Also covered in fish. It shoots fish at you! Yay!
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There is also a pink variant - it shoots fish that give you the Solitude status effect, which basically just makes Yohane too depressed to summon her friends. Meaning? They are Depression Fish! Maybe she just becomes so jealous of the unity and teamwork of these sardines. She's me like just for real! ^_^
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isopot :)
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This slug is an umbrella. That is ridiculous! Ridiculously EPIC! It does the opposite of shield you from rain, which is create rain, that kills you. But I would still want one as an umbrella.
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When I first saw this thing, I thought it was some strange round Echimoderm I had never heard of. But upon further inspection (I actually asked Mod Chikako shh), it is obviously like a Brittle Star, with each arm folded round to form a wheel! How creative and fun! It even has a bunch of eyes like a starfish!
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Last but not least- sushi! There are sushi guys and they are cute. They don't really do much and are typically found in their own rooms, so I'm not sure what the point of them is. But finding a funny walking sushi should be a reward in of itself, I guess! Look at their funny rice feet! Or the one with the roe eyes!
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I happened to use fire magic on one of them and this happened. Oopsies...
Now I am sure you are saying, thank you for showing me all these funny enemies. But are there any cool bosses? Of course there are, me! What's a Metroidvania without cool bosses? So I shall show you my favorites without delay!
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First is this freak (affectionate)! It is a sort of amalgamation of lots of different animals and I think it just looks plain cool! Two squid mantles combined into one, a bit of a sea angel shape, bug legs and of course a great big eyeball!
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If it is not freaky enough for you, let it be known that the bug legs turn into big green skeleton hands, and it also keeps getting pinker, and it grows new eyes and then extra horns grow out of those eyes. If THAT is not freaky enough for you then I am sorry but I cannot do anything about that.
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Now, how about a sampling of this Freaken Thang? It honestly doesn't seem that sea-creature themed, but it uses seashells so I guess it counts!
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What is really neat is that this boss has two different forms, upside down and rightside up! When it is upside down it looks a bit like a Magolor type creature. And of course, I really like the flame thing in the middle as well, that really feels like a Kirby enemy or something! Like a wisp made of plasma!
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Fans of Anomalocaris won't be disappointed by this one! It's a big Anomalocaris tank and boy is it cool! There's something for everyone here, whether you're an Anomalocaris purist or you've always wanted to see it turn into a sort of futuristic beast with a screen mouth that shoots lasers! It really is the future, zura...
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After covering all these wacky creatures, I'm going to have to end it off with the final boss! What could the big bad, the ultimate boss of all these sea monsters even be, I wonder? Well, it's...
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...a coelecanth. Just a big coelacanth! It is big and blue! And really, does it need to be anything else? It is such an honor to make the biggest ultimate boss a coelacanth. It is even pretty cute!! Think he's smiling! 😊
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Uh oh! Is it still cute? I guess so. My first thought seeing this was of course the world-renowned tongue eating isopod, so I really hope it was an intentional reference! It probably just wants to shake hands. Still, a pretty simplistic design for our final boss, right?
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Buu buu! Its true form actually looks like this! Actually, it's kind of doing too much. Like let's tone it down a little?
So!! We beat the mega ultra coelacanth, and now we can find out what his motivation is! And it is... that he is the memories of the people of the past or something. And they all didn't want to be forgotten, so they turned into fish monsters! But we forgive them!
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It doesn't really matter. All the girlies gather around and sing him a song. Look how happy he is! I forgot I was talking about a Love Live game until now, actually. All's well that ends well, the end, et cetera! Hit it, Yohane! [imagine this is like the end of a kids movie where all the Love Live girls are having a dance party and there is a shot of the big coelacanth in jail and he's tapping his mouth fingers along to the beat]
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weebsinstash · 3 months
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I hate when I start having an idea for one character and it turns into having that idea for multiple characters, but, basically, i started thinking of Bruce Wayne and then Lex Luthor creeped into my mind
One of my favorite yandere tropes is "helping you for your own good, even if it's against your will and you hate me for it", and, I was actually thinking about the whole red strings of fate soulmate trope again, and I started thinking of Reader almost immediately rejecting Bruce or Lex for, multiple reasons, but they won't take no for an answer, and then I ALSO started thinking, what if I throw ABO into the mix?
You're an adult Unpresented and basically a second class citizen in society and you've gone your entire life not knowing who to love or trust, growing up in an unstable if not outright abusive home, poor, not being able to be close and affectionate with people the way everyone around you is with their scenting and purring, and you eventually grow resentful of everyone else. You're constantly mistreated and called slurs and working shitty jobs, doing a catering gig at a high class party when your red string of fate appears and you think, "oh great, it must be another member of the waitstaff, if I cause a scene I'll lose this job and be even more in debt, maybe i should sneak off"
Cue you turning around and your soulmate is one of the richest men in the entire world and he even has a supermodel on his arm. Like you're either turning around and seeing unfathomably rich infamous man whore, 'is kind of a brat in his public persona' Bruce Wayne OR the guy who is equally as rich and is constantly beefing with Superman and does things like secretly cures cancer but waters it down to make more money as a treatment rather than a one-time cure
You're just instantly expecting rejection, not wanting any sort of confrontation, and also feeling more than a little humiliated. You finally meet your fated mate and you're working a service gig holding a tray of finger sandwiches while he's a billionaire in black tie attire eating caviar and sipping champagne. Not only is there this ENORMOUS class divide between you, absolutely daunting differences in how you live your life and the expenditures of wealth and flagrant flaunting of it, but he's also an Alpha, and you're... nothing. And you're not sure if you even want a mate anyways. You don't really believe in it. You don't want to give someone that opportunity to hurt you
You're just instantly wanting to run away, meanwhile Lex/Bruce is peeling the model off their arm and bee-lining for you IMMEDIATELY to introduce himself, not giving you any opportunity to slip away. Bruce would take the tray out of your hands himself whereas Lex would snap his fingers and have someone else do it, both of them expecting you to, essentially, immediately drop everything you're doing to get to know them, talk to them--
and your voice cracks as you reject them. Sorry, this clearly isn't going to work out. You need to get back to work, and the differences between the two of you and the worlds you live in are far too different--
But he won't take no for an answer. The arrogant Alpha is vaguely dismissive as he laughs off your concerns. The two of you just need to get to know each other! You're soulmates, how could you two not be meant to be?
But you refuse. You don't really want to talk to him at all. In fact, maybe you even dislike him. Bruce Wayne is publicly a playboy and Lex Luthor is infamously callous and outspoken about his hatred and distrust of Superman; you have genuine reasons to immediately dislike either man
But they know you're their mate now and you're in their sights. You could run away from the party and be back at your home, thinking you've bought yourself some time, and they're in their penthouse/basement respectively, using their supercomputers and superhuman knowledge to research every single scrap of information about you. No stone is left unturned. They'll hire a PI and private security to secretly follow you around while still researching the best way to approach you, concocting the perfect scheme to lure you in. All it takes is some hacking and some bribes and they'll know your rental history, your employment, your hospital records, old report cards from grade school, files from your last psychiatrist, EVERYTHING. They basically know your entire life story within 24 hours of meeting you, but they still want to speak to you, hear your own words, your own thoughts
Bruce is convening with the entire Batfamily, telling them about his new Unpresented mate, how you've had a harsh life and he wants them to have nothing but patience and love for you, with them fully intending to forcibly assimilate you into their pack while telling themselves you're just a little wild because you don't know your place in society, who you are as a person, and have never had your own proper pack to "socialize you", NOT that you're reasonably upset for being forced. Meanwhile Lex is over here making arrangements for a new luxury penthouse apartment in Metropolis for you to stay far away from the riffraff in the slums who harass you and threaten to burn your old beaten down house in the 'burbs down (and maybe even bribes someone to actually do it just to chase you into his arms), and begins legitimately actually genuinely researching how to "cure you"
and of course you guys know my cookies and creme is "whoops, now that you're obsessed with me and think I'm dumb and helpless and just a little uwu bean who needs to be rescued, turns out I'm an Omega! Sure hope you don't have any infantilizing if not outright misogynistic thoughts on how I need to be taken care of by other people and protected because I'm just SO delicate :)", so then you have Lex wanting to keep his oh so rare and elegant and pampered mate away from the rabble he thinks you're way too good for, and at the Wayne home you have like half the home thinking of you like their sibling if not ANOTHER PARENT and the other half convinced there's way too many psycho criminals out there for you to be allowed to be by yourself ever again
And I guess my final note is the juiciness of like, for Bruce specifically. Batman has to rescue you from being mugged or murdered or harmed in some way and you just start pouring all your stressed out feelings to him, about the mate you don't think you deserve, how scared you are, how you don't know how to love and he's so put together and successful, and suddenly here's the red string outting Batman as Bruce Wayne as you just sit there "Oh SHIT" realizing 1. You just told him like literally everything in your head including how you think he's an untrustworthy capitalist whore and 2. Oh God he's fucking Batman
Like... just imagine the excuse it gives him... criminals or let alone the Joker himself sees that red string between you and the Caped Crusader and soon every criminal in the city knows the face of Batman's mate and its never safe to show your face ever again. sure, he COULD potentially hide you away under a fake name on some island somewhere, but why do that when he can forcibly mark you and keep you as his house spouse? What, are you gonna break poor little Damian's heart that you AREN'T gonna be his new parent? But the pack is already so attached to you...
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carmyboobear · 1 month
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Blood Orange (Ch 1: The Walk-In)
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Carmy Berzatto x Reader (R18)
Rating: E (7.3k words)
links: fic playlist, pinterest board, ao3 link
Summary: Losing your job is the worst thing to ever happen to you. Getting hired by Carmen Berzatto is a close second. You tell yourself that The Beef is only temporary, that it's just a replacement until you find something better. It doesn't work. You've stopped listening. You've had a taste of Carmy, and now you don't think you're ever gonna be able to let go. No matter how bad it gets. 
Content Tags: secret workplace relationship/sex, friends/coworkers with benefits, they/them afab reader, miscommunication, mental illness (carmy and reader), dom/sub dynamics, dom carmy (for now), enemies to friends to lovers (eventually), unhealthy coping mechanisms, dysfunctional relationship
A/N: It's finally here! New series! We even get sex in the first chapter! In my other fic, I'm taking care of Carmy. In this one, I'm making him worse. Of course, here's a disclaimer that I DON’T condone or intend to glorify any of this behavior. It's just compelling to write. Enjoy!
You return to The Beef for the first time in years when you're at your lowest.
The only upside to this abysmal situation is that the job was shitty. The job you just got laid off from, to be exact. Retail was never your passion, and there's a certain relief in knowing you don't have to go back to that windowless place. You didn't play an important role in the ecosystem, but it played a pretty crucial role in yours. It kept a roof over your head.
You're sure you could’ve sued them in some fashion for letting you go without any warning, any parachute, but you didn't have the luxury of time. You needed to figure out how you were going to pay rent, and fast.
After the rage boiled over (not to say that it's resolved, the residual anger's leveled into an even simmer), you pulled your hair back, found your cleanest, nicest outfit, and started your job search. With your updated resume in hand and scuffed sneakers on your feet, you've trekked all over Chicago looking for a new job. You weren't optimistic, nor were you hopeful. 
You suppose the only word you could use to describe yourself was desperate, and it was a matter of finding someone that was just as desperate, if not more desperate than you. To put it politely, the odds of that were low. Very low. 
You got laid off that very morning. The rest of your afternoon has been spent walking from door to door to every establishment you could spot. By some cruel twist of fate, none of them were hiring. The ones that were hiring looked unenthusiastic, even adverse to taking your resume. 
“When would you be able to start?” Some of the workers asked. 
“Tomorrow,” was your desperately honest answer. 
“If all goes well, you'll hear from us in a week,” was their response. The unspoken was, of course, the fact that radio silence was more likely than an email or phone call. Places didn't even send rejection letters anymore. 
“Thanks for your time,” you'd say, bringing out a bright smile from a complete lack of reserves, and as soon as you turned around, your face would drop. 
Your hopes were low, nearly non-existent, but damn. Damn. It wasn't looking good for you.
That's why you enter The Beef. You vaguely remember visiting this place a couple years ago, back when you first moved to Chicago. The owner was…pretty nice, actually. You don't remember his name, but you remember having a pleasant conversation with him. Of course, there's nothing you can do if he doesn't have a job opening, but it wouldn't be bad to see a friendly face. Even if that face is from someone who's basically a stranger. 
The doorbell rings when you enter. It catches the attention of the man standing behind the counter, and with how his head jolts up, you'd think the bell functioned as an alarm instead. 
“Welcome,” he says. Your first impression, other than the fact that he seems very, very, tired, is that he's irritatingly attractive. If anything, the eyebags and the greased back waves only add to whatever the hell he's got going on. 
“Hi. Um…” You're briefly caught off guard by his biceps, but you catch yourself. “I was actually wondering if you guys were hiring.”
“We are,” he replies, and it's the best thing you've heard all day. He lights up like the spark of a lighter, bright and instantaneous. It doesn't shake the pervasive exhaustion that radiates off him, though. 
“Thank god,” you mutter, and you want to take it back (it's far too casual), but he cracks an amused smile that makes you want to dissolve like a pinch of salt in a sea of sauce. “Sorry. Do you mind if I talk to the owner? We met a while ago, and—”
“I'm the owner,” he interrupts, and any other words you had planned fall away.
“Sorry?” You repeat. “I swear it was this guy—he had short dark hair, I think—”
“Yeah, he left the place to me. Didn't want it anymore, so.” He shrugs. The light you just saw from him has fizzled away like the end of a sparkler, short-lived and ultimately disappointing. 
“Oh. Got it. Uh…” To your credit, you don't fumble for too long. You have a lot of questions, but you've got more pressing issues. You pluck out a resume from a file folder. “Here's my resume, then.”
He takes it from you, flips it to face him. He's quiet as his eyes lower down the page, and you wonder if it's going to be a guillotine or a pot of gold at the end of this. The only sounds in the entrance are the passing cars outside, the rickety air conditioning, and muffled chatter from the back. 
“You worked as a prep cook.” He says it like a fact, but you know it's a question. 
“Yeah, nothing fancy. Just at some chain restaurants.”
“Right. I see you worked as a line cook at another location. Which one did you prefer?”
“Uh…” They both came with their separate pains. Your honest answer is that being a line cook was one of the most stressful experiences of your life, but if he has a position open as a line cook, you don't want to fuck it up. “They were both fine. I think I was a little better as a prep cook, but I didn't mind either.”
He hums, satisfied by your answer. At least it’s only half of a lie.                                                                                                                    
“How do you work under pressure?”
“Good,” you answer quickly. “Well enough.”
“Willing to learn?”
“Obviously. I mean…” You think you see a flash of a smile, but you're unsure. “Yeah.”
“When'd you be able to start?” You're surprised he's already asking this.
“Tomorrow,” you say, just like you’ve been, and his reaction is different from the others. He nods. He doesn't smile, not like he did earlier, but you can tell this is a good sign. 
Before he can get a word out, there's a sharp, metallic explosion of noises that resounds from the direction of the kitchen. 
“Uh,” he starts, eyebrows pinched in irritation, the voices come in. 
“I told you, you have to say behind!” A woman's voice. She sounds young, but there's no real way to be sure of that.
“How the hell did you not hear me coming?” A Chicago accent, male. Older, maybe. “I was in the middle of having a conversation with Tina—”
“Great, I'm so happy for you, I don't give a shit, now this has all went to waste—”
“Well, who's fault is that?”
“Who's fault is that? You did not just—”
“Guys!” The man you've been talking to gives you an apologetic glance before walking to the back, pushing through the folding doors. You catch a glimpse of the two people arguing on the other side before it shuts. “I'm tryin’ to talk to a new hire here. We can't be like this right now. Not ever, but especially right now.”
Finally, the first sane person I've met all day, you think. 
“Carmy, talk some sense into her,” the older guy shouts, and it gives you a name to the face. “All of this on the floor—”
“You didn't say behind,” the woman repeats, except with more fury in it this time.
“You didn't say behind,” he imitates back. “Carmy—”
“She’s right. Richie, step out,” Carmy says. “Syd, you clean this up.”
“But—” You hear her start to protest. 
“You spilled it, you clean it,” he cuts through, decisive and firm.
“I know, but Richie—”
“Clean it,” he repeats, firmer, darker this time, and there's a beat of silence. 
“...Yes, chef.”
“I told you to step out,” Carmy tells who you assume is Richie. 
“You're just gonna let her—”
“Step the fuck outside right fucking now!” Carmy screams, his patience shooting away like a gunshot. You feel something shrivel inside you, and not in a good way. “Do the one fucking thing you're good at and get out of the fucking way!”
Yeah…definitely not in a good way.
From what you hear, it sounds like Richie has to get wrestled outside by someone, whom you're not sure. After another minute, Carmy returns to the front. 
“I'm sorry about that. Fucking—” He drags a hand across his face. You swear his eyebags have grown heavier in the 5 minutes he was in the kitchen. “What was I saying?”
“Um, I was saying that I could start tomorrow,” you remind him, although the vigor you had just stated it with is a bit fizzled out. 
“Right. Okay. Uh—” He pats his hands on his apron, searching for something. A pen and paper appear in his hands, and he scribbles something on it. This is when you notice his tattoos. A flower on the back of his hand. Surprising. “You're hired. Here's the paperwork you need to fill out, along with the number and email you'll be hearing from me at.”
“What?” You take the sheets, but the smooth paper doesn't feel real in your hands. His handwriting is hasty and dark, like he was running out of time on a test. “I mean, I'm just surprised.”
“Do you not want it?”
“I want it,” you promise, and you feel your cheeks flush. This is a bad time to yet again notice how attractive he is. His pretty eyes, his nose. The little moles under his left eye. “Y-Yeah, I want the job.”
“Good.” He motions towards the sticky note again. “Come in at 8 am tomorrow. You'll be starting as a prep cook, which you've done before.”
“Okay. Okay, yeah, I'll be there.” The reality is setting in now, and an odd cocktail of relief, apprehension, and excitement is settling in your stomach. “Thank you so much.” I just got laid off from my job this morning, so this means a lot, you want to say, but it's too soon. You don't want to say anything that'll make him change his mind about whatever he sees in you. 
“Thank you,” he echoes back. “We need the help. I'll see you tomorrow.”
“See you,” you reply, and with that, the door rings behind you. A customer comes up to the counter, peering up at the menu. You figure this is your cue to leave. He's not looking at you anymore anyway. 
So, I got a job now, you update your friends, texting them on your way home on the metro. As the relieved congratulations come flying in, another remark seems to resound amongst all of them. 
I can't believe you got the job just like that. That place must be desperate, too, is roughly what they've all said. The thing is, they're not wrong. 
You managed to find someone more desperate than you in the job economy. Just one, but that was enough. It makes you think, though. You think about Carmy's weary blue eyes, his brief smile, and his hand tattoos. You wonder if it's just the restaurant that gives him that bone-deep exhaustion, or if it's a smaller part of a bigger picture. 
You think about it for the rest of your commute, you think about it as you smoke on the porch, you think about it as you lay in bed. You think about it as you fill out the paperwork, fingers tracing where Carmy's written his name, number, and email.
Carmen Berzatto
773-555-0901
So Carmy's a nickname, you think. Not about what type of boss he's going to be, not about what it's going to be like working under someone you are obviously attracted to. 
Maybe you should be more worried about this.
If it's bad, I'll just find another job, you tell yourself, and you foolishly believe it.
. . . . .
Your first day on the job starts with introductions. 
At least, that's about as much as you've figured out so far. When he sees you upon arrival, he pauses and stares at you like he's forgotten. Not a great start. Granted, he does snap out of it. That's when he tells you to follow him, which is where you currently find yourself. You're not sure where he's leading to, only that he's introducing you to others as you pass them by.
“They’re working with us starting today,” Carmy tells everyone. “They’re gonna be on prep.”
Right. So that's what you'll be doing. At least he told you that much yesterday.
The catalog of coworkers expands exponentially. You remember Sydney from yesterday, and to her credit, she apologizes about having you witness her fight with Richie, who conveniently isn't here yet. She seems the nicest out of all the bunch, so you decide to let it slide. 
Marcus is pretty nice, too. So are Ebra, Sweeps, Manny, Angel—everyone seems to be pretty alright. It’s obvious they’re standoffish by you being in their space. You find it hard to hold it against them. You’re not really sure how your relationships with them are going to pan out. There are only three that you’re particularly unsure on.
The first and obvious one is Richie. He came in eventually and didn’t give you the best impression, immediately talking over everyone and oozing arrogance. The only salvageable thing is that he’s not even a chef. At least you won’t have to be in the kitchen with him much. You want to avoid the honor of talking to him as much as possible.
Tina is next. She clearly doesn’t enjoy having someone new in the ecosystem, and she’s spent more time ignoring you than talking with you. As you understand it, she’s close to the rest of the staff since they’ve all been together for a while. Minus you and Syd, as you learn she’s only been there for a week. You think Tina will warm up to you…eventually.
Carmy is the last one, and he’s…he’s…
He’s something else.
He has you doing prep for most of the day. After introducing you to everyone and giving you a brief tour, he brings you to your station, scratched up stainless steel.
“You’re going to be cutting onions and carrots today for the stock. The vegetables are in the walk-in I showed you earlier, and when it’s done, it goes on the first shelf.” Carmy’s to your right, set up at his own station. You swear you keep your eyes focused on the vegetables, not his biceps in that shirt, but… “You should already know this, but label everything. I don’t want to see anything without a date. Got it?”
“Yes, chef,” you confirm, snapping out of it. He’s been flinging new information at you like it’s a war and he’s gunning to survive. But so are you. “I’ll do my best.”
“I expect as such.” He slides over a peeler for the carrots and some plastic bins for trash. “It’s just a stock, so don’t worry about an even cut. Just salvage whatever you can, cut off anything that doesn’t look good.” You nod. “Been a year or so since you did this, right?”
“Yeah. I cook regularly, but I’ll need to get back into the groove of things. And I will,” you add hastily. “I’ll combine them into this one when I'm done, right?” You ask, nudging a large plastic container. 
“Correct.” A brief smile flashes across his face. “You're already following quicker than I thought you would.” You’re not sure if he means it as an insult or a compliment, so you decide to take it as the latter. 
“I haven't even chopped anything yet.”
“I know.” His expression is flat again. You resist a laugh.  He plucks an onion from the bin, puts it in front of you. “Show me a rough dice.”
The knife is sharp. You notice this as you place careful cuts into the onion. It's not quite as sharp as his unnerving gaze, which layers pressure upon pressure. It builds up like a pastry puff, thin multitudes of layers expanding upward. You need to be good. You need to be perfect. You don't want to disappoint him, not this early, even though you've barely been here for an hour. 
It's just a shitty old sandwich shop, you tell yourself, but your dicing is uneven and you briefly think about accidentally chopping your fingers off. 
“Not my best work,” you admit, vaguely breathless. Carmy hasn't said anything yet.
“It'll do.” You're waiting for him to say something else, give you some tips, but he doesn't. Irritation prickles to the tips of your fingers. “I'll be back to check in on you later.”
You stand there, motionless and shocked in the aftermath. You're not sure what you expected from today, but being abandoned an hour in was not at the top of your bucket list. 
Man, what the fuck, you think, the thought clear in the silence around you, and that's the last time you can hear yourself think for the rest of the shift. 
There's a prepared stock from yesterday simmering on the stove behind you. It's flanked by boiling potatoes and reducing tomato sauce. The heat from it’s searing your back like a steak, slowly drawing lines of moisture all over the surface of your shirt. Your coworkers constantly invade your space to check on them. You suppose it's not their fault that the kitchen, but it's still irritating. They're also all shouting over each other like it's a competition.
“Who the fuck touched my stock—”
“No one touched your stupid shitty stock—”
“I am trying to find this cutting board, will someone please—”
You move on from the onions with only a thin layer of sweat collected at your hairline. 
Your hands are shaky as they peel the carrots. You know you're not getting as efficient of a shave as you could be, but the caffeine crash from your morning coffee is getting to you. You don't remember the last time you drank water. A cigarette sounds nice. 
“Clean your station, chef.” Carmy materializes next to you. You hear him before you see his hands scooping carrot shavings into a plastic container. It shocks you so much that you almost cut yourself. 
“Sorry, chef,” you reply reflexively. You look down at your station, straightening your tools. You want to ask if you can take your break, but you don't want to look any weaker than you do already. “So, uh, do we get 30's here?”
When you don't get a response, your head snaps up, irritation on the tip of your tongue, but he's not even there. 
Fucking hell, you think, annoyance simmering into something akin to anger, and you go back to finishing your prep. 
You don't see him for another hour after that. It's not even him that tells you to take your 15, it's Syd, who noticed you were half-way through your shift and on the verge of…something. 
“You finished the prep he gave you, right?” Syd had asked. You told her you finished and put it back in the walk-in. “Yeah, then go take your break. Did he not tell you we get 15's here?”
“He didn't,” you say, too annoyed to bother hiding the disdain in your face. Sydney just sighs, rolling her eyes, and you think you love her. 
“Asshole.” She makes a shooing motion at you then. “Go, get a break from this madness. It'll get better, I promise.”
You're not sure if you believe her, but you do step outside to take your break. 
As you stand outside in the back, you take note of tightness in your body that you weren't even aware of. The cigarette smoke calms you, loosens you. Or maybe you owe that to getting out of that hot kitchen. 
This time, you see Carmy before you hear him. You turn to the door to see him stepping out, a pack of smokes in his hand. 
“Hey,” he says. 
“Hey,” you reply.
“Everythin’ goin’ okay so far?”
“Yeah. It's fine.” Other than everything.
“Really?” His surprise just pisses you off further. “Well, that's good.”
“...Yeah.” You decide if your mouth stays unoccupied, you'll start cussing him out, so you put your cigarette back in your mouth. 
“You're bleeding.”
“What?”
“I said, you're bleeding. Your hand.” 
You look down at your hand holding the cigarette, and sure enough, there's a thin, shallow cut oozing blood near one of your knuckles. 
“Shit,” you mutter, quickly sucking the skin into your mouth. When you pull it back, the red refills. “I didn't even notice.”
“Let's get a bandaid on that.” He puts his unlit cigarette back into his pack. “I have some in my office.”
That's how you end up in the enclosed, dark space of his office, seated on the only chair as he leans back against his cluttered desk. The dingy first-aid kit is propped on top of a shaky stack of papers. Carmy takes out a bandaid from it and peels it open.
“Thought I gave you a sharp knife, it shouldn't have cut you like that,” Carmy comments. 
“It was sharp,” you correct. “Guess I just fucked up.”
“It happens,” he says, which surprises you. He keeps surprising you. You just can't seem to figure him out. “Let me see the cut.”
You only realize that he's putting the bandaid on you when he cradles your hand in his. His hands are warm. 
He has so many hand tattoos. You notice the letters on his fingers first, the SOU curled around your palm. You notice the other tattoo on the back of his hand next, since that's the one carefully placing the bandaid on you. 
He wraps it around your finger just right. Not too tight, not too loose. 
“Is that too tight?” He asks, almost in a whisper. He's so close, and he smells like kitchen oil, cigarette smoke, and a faded cologne you can't place. 
“No, it's okay.” You don't mean to talk so quietly back, but you do. You can't stop staring at his fingers. They're long and marked up with silver scars and burns. If you look carefully, you can place the locations of his callouses. 
“Good.” You don’t know why he does it, but he runs his thumb across the seams of where your bandaid overlaps. Surely it’s just to secure it further…surely.
“Thank you.” He’s still holding your hand. You’re unsure if you’re imagining the tension in the air or not. Everything feels more intimate behind closed doors, especially in low light. “I could’ve done it myself.”
“It’s easier if another person does it.” He lets go, finally, and you try not to mourn the loss. “Did you finish prepping for the stock?”
“What you gave me, yeah.”
“Alright. Let’s go take a look at it, then,” he says, like that isn’t the most anxiety inducing thing you’ve ever heard. 
“R-Right now?”
“As opposed to?” He opens the door to his office, and the muffled noises in the kitchen become sharp and clear again, like emerging from underwater. “Come on.”
You don’t know how it happens, but Carmy gets into five separate arguments on the way to the walk-in. FIVE. To be fair, two of them are from Richie.
“I’ve been telling you guys to sharpen your knives, don’t fucking treat them like this,” Carmy shouts, trudging over to someone’s station. “You see this? This is exactly what we should not be doing! How many times have I said this today?! Don’t—“
“Stop going into my office when I’m not there,” Carmy hisses at Richie next. “You keep fucking up where the papers are put, and I can’t find anything! It’s enough of a mess as it is! No—I said—cousin, listen to me—“
“Everyone shut the hell up, clean your stations, and get the fuck back to work!” Is the last thing he shouts before slamming the door to the walk-in behind you. He slams it so hard the wire racks rattle. You decide not to comment. 
The difference in sound is eerie. You’re always surprised by how sound proof these walk-in fridges are.
“Is this the prep you did today?” Carmy asks, touching one of the clear plastic bins. Sure enough, it’s the one you placed there a moment ago.
“Yeah, it is.” You chew the inside of your cheek. You were hoping he would be in an okay mood when he checked your work. It seemed like he was at first, but now?
“It's on the wrong shelf.”
“What?” You stare at it sitting on the first shelf, just like he told you to. “You told me to put it on the first shelf.”
“It goes on the second shelf.” He's pissed, and there's ice in your veins. He huffs as he takes the container and moves it one shelf up, slamming it down unnecessarily. “I told you—second shelf.”
“You literally said it went on the first shelf.” The ice has melted, and it's boiling. 
“No, I didn't.” You wanna punch him. Badly. You know what you heard. “And you forgot to label it.”
“Shit.” That, you did forget. You’re not above owning up to your mistakes, unlike him. “I'm sorry, I was—”
“We always need stuff like this to be labeled,” he interrupts, rude and abrupt. You can hear the thinly veiled anger in his voice. “I told you.”
“I know, I just—“
“Don’t make excuses. Just do better.”
“It’s my first fucking day!” You snap, finally, and it’s like a firecracker in the dead of night. “I don’t expect to be coddled, but I’ve only been here for a couple hours, and you’re just—“
“I told you to put a label on it, to put it on the second shelf, and you didn’t do either of those things.” This is a different type of anger. It’s quiet, contained. Dangerous. And with your outburst, it’s trembling at the edges. 
“You literally hired me yesterday!” You’re exasperated. “You looked at my resume for like two seconds before hiring me, and you’re mad that I’m messing up?”
“You had enough credentials on your resume. You told me you could work well under pressure and learn quickly. Is that true or not?”
“It is true! You just have to give me a chance first!”
“I just gave you a chance,” Carmy snaps back, “and you fucked it up.”
“Oh my god. I just—“ You take a step back. “I don’t have to take this shit.”
“Are you quitting already?”
“I wasn’t going to.” You move towards the door. “But maybe I should, before you fire me. Doesn't seem like you want me, anyway.”
You were planning on exiting the walk-in after that, to leave on cue, but the door doesn’t budge. You and Carmy notice it at the same time. 
Suddenly, there is a new problem.
“Fuck,” Carmy curses under his breath. The two of you are pushing against the door, but it won’t budge. He slams his fist on it and calls out. “Guys, the walk-in door is stuck! Can any of you open it from out there?”
“Carmen?” Richie's voice is muffled from the other end. There's the sound of frustrated efforts on the other end. “It's not fuckin’ budging!”
“Fuck,” Carmy repeats, seething, and you agree. “Call Fak!”
“I already did! He’s gonna be here in 20!”
“20 minutes?!” Carmy shouts. You close your eyes and sigh, audibly. “Don't we have a screwdriver in here or something?! Just take the hinges off!”
“Why do you think I called Fak?! Shut the hell up and be patient!”
“Tell him to hurry the fuck up,” Carmy barks, and that's where their conversation ends. 
“Just what I needed right now,” you mutter under your breath. Carmy's not looking at you, eyes boring into the door that's trapping the both of you in here with each other. “To be locked in a room with you.”
It's quiet for a minute before he speaks, cutting the silence open.
“...I do want you, y'know.”
“You—huh?” He said it so quietly you're not sure if it was a hallucination. 
“We need you here.” He's still not looking at you. “This place—it's fucked.  We don't have enough hands.”
“I can tell,” you say, and you mean for it to come out bitter, but it's soft. Naively so. 
“I want you here. I do.” He doesn't need to say it like that. You don't want to believe it, neither his words or the way hearing it makes you feel. “I need you.”
“Can you at least look at me when you say it?” 
You’re not sure why you say it. You instantly recognize it for how needy it sounds, but you don't get the luxury of embarrassment. Carmy's already turning to face you. 
“I want you,” he repeats, voice low. You think about the paint you'd need to mix to match the color of his eyes. Blue, white, and the slightest bit of orange to desaturate it. You're not sure what type of orange, though. “I need you.”
“Fuck,” you mutter, despite yourself, and it's too late.
“Are you gonna do better?” You didn't even register him moving closer to you. When did your back end up against the shelves?
“I’m gonna do better,” you whisper, “if you stop being such an asshole.”
“It won't happen again,” he whispers back, and you recognize it for the lie that it is. 
You don't really care, though. 
His face is so close to yours that you can see the separate specks of colors in his iris. You watch his gaze fall from your eyes to your lips, and it lingers there before rising again. Any shreds of self respect or control you were clinging onto disintegrate. It doesn't matter if he really means what it says. All that matters is getting your mouth on his.  
“Okay,” you say, a whisper of foolish acceptance, and you're kissing him. 
Or is he kissing you? You don't know who leaned forward first. It's not important. 
“I saw you staring at my hands today,” Carmy says against your lips. Spit makes your mouths slide easily against each other. “Yesterday, too.”
“What the—no you didn't,” you gasp, appalled, heat rising in your face, “how did you—?”
“You're right. I didn't,” he admits with a cheeky grin. You’re really gonna punch him now. 
“God, you're just,” you mutter, “you're such an asshole.”
“I know.” At first, you think he's being smug, but there's a surprising sense of remorse under it. You don't have time to think about it, though, not when his hand is cradling your face. There's no way he doesn't feel how hot your face is. 
“What're you…?” His thumb passes over your lower lip, and the words fall away. 
“Tell me you want this.” Your eyes flicker to his hand, then to his face. His other hand is at the top of your jeans, fingers resting on the edge of your waistband. Excited arousal hits your gut, sizzling like browning butter, warm and toasted. His eyes are dark, caramel on the verge of burning. “If you don't, I'll pretend like this never happened. I'll never touch you again.”
I'll never touch you again, he says, like it's not the last thing you'll ever want. 
“I want this,” you murmur. “Touch me. Please.”
“Good,” Carmy praises, one quiet word enough to sear your insides with heat, blue flame on the underside of a pan. “That's what I thought.”
His hands slip behind you to untie your apron. The strings fall to your sides, and you tug it hastily up and over your head. It falls to the floor next to you. Surely that's a gigantic health hazard, but Carmy's the one who throws it there, so you don't say anything. You lower your gaze to his fingers unbuttoning your pants. The sight of it makes you woozy. You take note of his other tattoos, noticing the letters on his fingers. You watch as the stabbed hand made of ink on his right disappears under the cloth of your underwear.
“Oh,” you breathe. You didn't expect his hand to be so warm, even though you had just felt his heated palm gentle on your cheek.
“You're wet.” The tip of his index finger dips into where your hot folds separate. It strokes at the fluid that's pooled at your entrance, coaxing it out. “When did this happen?”
“Fuck you is when,” you bite back, but it's all bark. “I don't know.”
“Sure,” he agrees, but not really. His condescending smile shouldn't be hot, it really shouldn't, but your pussy throbs against his hand, and he smiles knowingly. “All you need is me to talk and you get wet, is that it?”
“I—” His finger rises upward, splitting you open and flicking at your clit. You buck against his hand. “Don't ask me a question and then touch me like that,” you hiss, horribly turned on.
“Mm, sorry.” It's barely an apology. You throw your head back in frustration. “I didn't mean to.”
“I have a hard time believing that,” you pant. He's pushed your slick up your pussy to your clit, two slick fingers sliding back and forth on your stiff nub. The pads of his calloused fingers are rubbing you almost where you're too sensitive. 
“Then don't. I don't care what you think of me.” You think he's about to get his fingers inside of you, and your breath hitches, but he pulls back. You regret the frustrated whine that is just audible enough in the back of your throat. He does it again, just barely pushing the tips of fingers in before pulling away.
“You—why—do you want me to beg or something?” Your clenched hands raise by your sides to grip the collar of his white shirt and yank him forward. The shock that flashes across his face gives you a sick sense of satisfaction.
“It wouldn't hurt,” he mumbles. Seeing him stagger like this, even if briefly, sends a rush through your head.
“Is that what it's gonna take for you to get those fucking fingers inside me?” 
Like a coward, instead of answering, he leans an inch forward and kisses you. Or maybe that was his answer. That's when he sinks two fingers inside you, long and thick, pushing until your wet pussy's pressed tight against his palm. 
You moan, a pathetic thing, and Carmy swallows the sound of it.
“You're already begging,” he says quietly. He pulls his fingers out. You whine in protest, desperate and angry pleas on the tip of your tongue, but then he's pushing inside again.
That's the last moment of reprieve you get. His fingers start thrusting into you faster, dragging out slick each time he pulls them out. Paranoia suddenly screams that you’re gonna wet the front of your pants at this rate. The aching pleasure is louder than your fear, though. You can’t help the way his fingers are making you moan.
“More,” you plead, “give me another, I can take it.” Your hips are thrusting forward to meet his hand when they push inside. Your clit slaps against the heel of his palm, and you chase the friction. He must notice, because when he obliges and stretches you out with a third finger, he grinds the heel of his palm into your clit.
“You have to be quiet,” he says lowly when you keep moaning. “They’re gonna hear you.” 
“I—I’m trying,” you whine. You’re squeezing so tight down on him. You feel so full. “Your fingers—“
“You’re the one who asked for more.” He slaps his other hands firmly over your mouth. It silences your sound of surprise. “You said you could take it, so here’s what’s gonna happen.” His fingers are slamming into your now, and your hole spasms around them in pleasure. “You’re gonna come on my fingers, and you’re gonna be quiet. Understand?”
You know how soundproof the walk-in is. You had just witnessed it moments ago. But Carmy’s warnings do something fierce to you, bypassing logic straight into anxious, desperate arousal. He’s right, you think. You need to be quiet. You nod quickly in response, so he takes your consent and sprints with it.
To your credit, you try to be quiet. You said you would. But there’s only so much you can do when he’s fingering you so hard your legs are shaking. You’re whimpering into his hand, the sounds muffled.  Your own moans, his heavy breathing, and the slick sound of your pussy getting railed by his fingers—that’s what you listen to as you come.
“Fuck, you’re squeezing down tight,” Carmy hisses, and for an irrational second  you’re afraid you’re hurting him, but one look at his starved expression changes your mind. His three wide fingers are fucking you slowly through your wildly contracting orgasm. In one of his palms, you're oozing slick, and in his other palm, you're smearing with spit.
You should be thinking about how bad of an idea this all is, having sex with your boss. It’s too bad your orgasm is so potent you can’t think at all.
You lean your head back against the cold metal railings of the wire racks behind you. It’s uncomfortable, but a part of it feels good against the coiling heat that’s unraveling in your stomach. The air around you is cold, but you’re hot, far too hot. You don’t remember the last time you’ve finished this hard.
He finally pries his hand off your mouth once you've stopped clamping down on his fingers. His hand lingers at your face before wiping it on the side of his jeans. His expression has this unreadable, unnamed intensity to it, and you can't tell where that ends and where the hunger starts. Although he is looking very, very starved.
His hand that's tucked into your underwear tugs it upward as it leaves, pulling the fabric taut against your pussy. It sticks like paper mache with the glue of your orgasm, molded to your shape. You make an aroused noise that's a mixture of surprise and annoyance.
You're about to complain, something along the lines of “was that really necessary”, but then your eyes are zeroed in on the sheen of his fingers that were fucking you.
“Don't,” you start, suddenly worried he's going to wipe them on his jeans again, but you don't get to finish. He's pushing his index finger into your mouth, and you taste yourself on his skin.
“Good,” Carmy whispers when he feels your tongue wrapping around him. Fuck, hearing him say it like that does awful things to you.
You don't know why you accept it without a fight, but if you're being honest with yourself, this is exactly what you wanted. You start to suck, but he doesn't linger. When he pulls his finger out, your parted lips expect the other two, but he sucks them into his mouth instead. 
God. What do you even say to that? He even has the nerve to look you in the eyes as he pops his cleaned fingers out of his mouth. 
“Let me touch you,” you decide to say instead, because if you think about him and his fingers in—anyway. 
“It's fine. I don't need it.” He's oddly cagey all of a sudden. 
“Let me return the favor, please,” you insist, even adding in some good manners. It seems to still him for a moment, giving you enough time to lift his apron.
Fuck, you think to yourself, the word resounding like an alarm inside your head. His jeans are tented so tightly it looks painful. All this from touching me, you realize. You can see the shape of his bulge under the denim. The silhouette is vague, but...
It's big.
“Carmy? You still in there?”
A voice you don't recognize calls out beyond the door. As soon as you both hear it, Carmy jerks away. You mourn the loss only for a moment before you remember yourself. You're scrambling to get your pants buttoned and your apron over your head. 
“Yeah, I'm still in here,” Carmy shouts back, instantaneously irritable. His back is turned to you, and you want to feel those muscles tensing under your palm. “About fuckin’ time!”
“You're welcome, by the way! I could've left you in here to freeze and die a tragic death!”
“It's not just me in here, Fak.” A beat of silence. “Are you opening it?”
“Am I fucking—Jesus Christ, Carmen, just give me a second! I'm working my magic!”
That shuts Carmy up. Almost. He sighs before turning to look at you. 
“Sorry for getting us stuck in here.” The apology is equally as surprising as the softness of which he speaks. “Shitty first day, huh?”
“It's cool. It's not your fault.” Other than all the shit that was completely your fault, you think, remembering the way you were shouting at each other just a moment ago. “Kinda shitty though, yeah.”
“Yeah.” He sighs again. “If you wanna leave, I don't blame you.”
“I thought I wasn't getting fired.”
“You're not,” he says quickly. “But I'm—this place is a shitshow.” You're not sure which he really means to say, but you hear both. The restaurant, and him especially, are both complete messes. That much was obvious from the beginning. “So if you wanna take off, just…” He shrugs. “Just go.”
Maybe that'd be for the best, if you left. As far as first days go, you've already broken every rule in the book. You messed up your first task, got into an argument with your boss, and then had sex with him. Nothing about this place is particularly inviting, either. This restaurant wears its dysfunction on its sleeve, unabashed in all the ways it lacks. You had left the kitchen with ringing ears from all the noise and a cut on your hand you didn't even notice. 
But here you are. You're not running. Maybe it's because of the fact that you need to pay rent. Maybe it's knowing that just one more pair of hands here could really make a difference. Maybe you're just desperate to keep food on the table. Maybe it's Carmen Berzatto, beautiful, haunted, and angry. Maybe it's all of that, a combined whole that's become greater than the sum of its parts.
Or maybe it's just that now that you've kissed him, had a taste of him, you refuse to let go. Maybe the reason is as shallow as that. 
Carmy's been waiting for you to speak, tired eyes searching your own. You're still not sure what exact colors you need to perfectly recreate the blue you're staring at. 
“Almost done!” Fak shouts. “Just one more hinge!”
“Heard,” Carmy shouts back. He hasn't taken his eyes off you. “So? What's it gonna be? Are you staying or not?”
Blood orange, you think all of a sudden. That's the orange you would need to make the perfect blue to match his eyes. Just a little bit—that's all you would need.
“I'm staying,” you tell him. “I need to pay rent, after all.”
Yeah. That's the reasoning you're settling on. Rent.
“Right. Of course.” There's a glimpse of that gentle smile you've seen flashes of today. It fades away as quickly as it came. “After this, I'm gonna have you learn how to check produce next.”
“Okay, sounds good,” you say as naturally as you can, given the tonal whiplash.
“There should be some that's about to get washed. I'll show you where that is.” The door's shifting. “But before that…” He lowers his voice, leans in close. Is he about to kiss you?
“W-What?”
“Get a new apron from my office. That one's dirty.” Beams of light stream through the entrance of the walk-in, forced wide open. “You need to keep your apron clean, chef.”
YOU WERE THE ONE WHO THREW IT ON THE GROUND, you want to scream. Just when you thought he started being nice, he does something that makes you want to grab him by the collar and shake him.
But you can't. The walk-in's open again, and you see your coworkers crowded by the door. 
“Yes, chef,” you reply, and the words taste bitter on your tongue.
~
@zorrasucia
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