saiki angst hc because i need him to suffer more than i am at any given time
saiki rarely feels genuine emotion. not in the way its displayed in the show, but in the way that the most he feels at any given time (unless something is happening to draw a specific emotion) is discontent with himself. he doesnt like that he is like this, but he cant bring himself to care past that.
he also has really low emotional permanence, so whenever he DOES feel a stronger emotion it usually leaves within a few minutes. his whole life is spent either chasing something that he views as his last connection with humanity or praying that he wont have to feel anything ever again.
on one hand, feelings are something fundamentally average. fundamentally human. something saiki would kill to have, if only to feel less like an other
on the other hand, feelings are truly bothersome. he doesnt like the back and forth of it all, and he especially doesnt like how disgusting it can be sometimes. he would much rather remain in a very constant, very neutral, emotion rather than constantly having to worry about preserving a mental state that wont last forever anyways.
and deep down, so deep that he doesnt even think about it, he doesnt care. he doesnt care about the apathy, the desire, the repulsion; none of it. all he wants is a connection. a connection, to anyone or anything, just to be able to connect. he doesnt care what state it is hes found in, as long as hes found..right? someone is going to love him despite himself..right?