#because it could change again tomorrow

[theskywaslookingback]

if you dont mind talking about it, do you identify as an asexual lesbian now or aroace? both?

I don’t mind talking about it.

The short answer is that I identify as queer.

The long answer is that I have complicated feelings in regards to my own sexuality and gender.

Some days I’m pretty comfortable with calling myself a lesbian because I’m majority female presenting and I don’t feel much dysphoria about being perceived as a girl (most of the time) so it’s comfortable. Some days I don’t feel comfortable with calling myself a lesbian because I don’t know if I have any actual attraction to speak of, either romantic or sexual. Some days I don’t feel comfortable calling myself a lesbian because I don’t feel like a girl (I know non-binary lesbians exist and are valid, this is a very personal complication, not how I view others). Some days I only prefer asexual, because I’m pretty sure that’s the most correct. Some days I wonder if I’m actually demisexual, or gray ace, because while I wasn’t clamoring for sex I also didn’t really hate it either. Some days I know I don’t want anyone or anything at all to touch me. I never want to call myself aromantic because I’m worried it will make me broken (again, personal, not universal). Some days I think I might be bi because I’ll think a man is pretty. Some days I wonder if I might be a gay trans man or gay and agender or gay and non-binary.

The long answer is, I don’t know. How I identify could change from one day, or even one hour, to the next. If you asked me tomorrow I might even have a different answer for you.

So, both? All? None of the above. Not allosexual, I’m pretty sure. Not cis, I think. Maybe aro. Maybe sapphic. Maybe gay.

Definitely queer.

#anon #statement ends #sorry i know that’s not really an answer but i don’t have a good answer for you #i could try and give you the bullet points of…well me i guess #i know i think women are pretty #i know that i don’t like kissing with tongue #i know that i don’t mind sex in the moment but immediately after it makes me want to vomit #i know i don’t really like to be touched or held by other people #but even saying ‘i know’ is disingenuous #because it could change again tomorrow #i just get older and learn more about myself is all #and sometimes i wish I’d had the words to explain myself to myself as a teenager #but i really don’t know what would have changed #and more importantly i don’t know if i would have wanted it to

[quietwingsinthesky]

what if. Amy “fix-it” because hallucifer makes sam so paranoid about dean leaving for no reason that sam gives in and follows him and is witness to the whole thing

#hallucifer: wow. big brother really trusts us. (beat) so something’s up right? we know it’s never this easy. #sam: (visibly restraining himself from saying shut up. about to grab his scar.) #hallucifer: (aware he’s about to be banished) don’t listen to me if you want but. I’m just trying to help. #don’t blame me if you look in the papers tomorrow and find a obit for your brain-eating girlfriend. and… what was her kid’s name again? #sam: (touching the scar. not pressing down. face all screwed up.) || hallucifer: :3 it’s not like it’ll hurt anyone #if he really does trust you he doesn’t even have to know we’re following him. *and* you’ll know your brother still trusts you. #even when I’m here. maybe he won’t even punch you again. that still hurting? #sam: (grimace. because yeah. it does.) || hallucifer: door number two - he thinks you’ve lost it and he’s going to stab that woman to death. #so what’s it gonna be Sam? ready to gamble your friend’s life on if Dean gives a shit about your opinion? #[and that’s the point where sam goes to follow dean. still doesn’t talk to Lucifer. not there yet. but oh hallucifer is sooo pleased with #himself about this. because he’s Sam. and he picks up on what Sam doesn’t. and he could see all of Dean’s little giveaways that Sam was #turning a blind eye to. and now here’s the perfect opportunity to put a wedge between them and get sam to trust him more <3) #GOD. FUCK. IM UPSET NOW. WHY WASNT HALLUCIFER IN THAT EPISODE. MOST OF THE EPISODES? #such a good fucking concept. squandered. #anyway. idk if sam saves Amy but he DEFINITELY here’s Dean’s little speech to her about how she can’t change. #hallucifer with faux sympathy like (sigh) damn. well. i always told you what he was like. Michael. Michael-sword. no difference. #both of them want us dead the moment we step out of line. #and Sam just frozen there in horror with Lucifer’s voice sinking in. and he believes him. how can he not. with dean proving him right #hallucifer #spn #sam winchester #amy pond

[filet-o-feelings]

I usually hate getting my oil changed because there's too many noises at the dealership, but it’s quiet today and I got an iced coffee for the first time in weeks AND I got to pet a dog! It's shaping up to be a pretty good day.

#I almost didn’t get my oil changed even though I'm due and driving halfway across the state tomorrow #but I'm being responsible and it paid off #hell yeah cute fluffy dog! #and finally getting use out of the gift cards my brother gave me over a year ago lol #gonna get another iced coffee and a bagel for tomorrow morning before my drive #since the dunkin near my house is temporarily closed ☹️ #I could go to the other coffee shop down the road I guess #but I always forget about it because I always somehow end up spending like $20 on coffee and a sandwich #but they do have really good coffee and sandwiches #i'm rambling again #I blame boredom sitting in the waiting room #ignoring my history of rambling in the tags

[disdaidal]

I do love that I'm both freezing and having the worst back pains.

But at least I still have a roof above my head, right?

#personal #so here's the thing: #i don't think any of the radiators in my apartment are currently working #which kind of sucks bc it's winter in northern europe lmao #one of them had blown a fuse. which i changed yesterday. and now it's cold again. so there's definitely something wrong with it #two of them. which are located in my bedroom/living room combination. have red lights on #but they are both cold and not heating up my apartment. which means i'm freezing here #so it could be a thermostat or something. i don't know #but because my place was a mess. after having worked for a few months and not having energy to do anything else #i had to clean up here yesterday. because i couldn't call my landlord who lives closeby in case he decided to drop in and see #the mess i was living in. to you know. check on those radiators #so anyway. my apartment is pretty okay now. stuff i still need to clean though but it's mostly minor #but i seem to have strained my lower back doing it. or from sleeping in an awkward position because i was cold #the kind of pain i haven't experienced in months which must be a record for me now #but yeah now my lower back hurts. i can't properly crouch or even twist my body to the side without my knees trying to give out #and i've already taken painkillers for it today. which kind of put me to sleep again and had a lovely little nap a while ago #but this is bothersome #i hope my back feels better by tomorrow so i can finish my cleaning and then message my landlord #because i don't want to freeze here anymore xD and i also don't want my houseplants dying because of it so

[delicateimage]

Hey girlies update time… I’ve been sent to a clinic for my weight and it’s been really stressful and my life is kinda falling apart lol there’s defiantly good aspects to it but ughhh I’m like :( bc my diets had to change so much and I feel so unproductive now and I’m really scared about gaining weight but they’d said I’d like die or whatever if I didn’t which um. I genuinely feel so disgusting heavy and sick and disgusting and DISGUSTIGN eww and my disordered eating brain is coming back in full force after silently controlling me for like nearly years at this point and it’s all so much. the hardest thing about this is that I don’t want to gain weight at all and particularly I don’t really even care to live anymore. I’m scared everyday I’ll fall deeper and deeper back into disordered eating I’ll get lonelier and lonelier I’ll get fatter and fatter I’ll lose everything I’ve ever built for myself… ugh this is a mess but ong.

#it’s hard because I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging like HEYYYY I GOT HOSPITALOZED FOR BEING A SKINNY QUEEN YASS but omg I can’t #this is so sickening I feel so fat and disgusting there were two days where I could feel like I could eat the calorie count they gave me but #now I feel like a FAT FUCKING BEKUGA WHALE I feel like I gained 40 pounds in a day I feel so hulking and disgusting I’m eating so much ew #the self harming intentions came back because I lost my only form of control over my autonomy. I feel like there’s no other way for people #to hear me other than harming myself and depriving myself #I feel like such a waste #it’s like tomorrow I want to go back restrict restrict restrict restrict eat 5 calories exercise for an hour #but I just can’t. #I don’t have anyone to talk to because no one understands. #I feel so lost #the one thing I enjoyed about the diet change is the snack kinda… it gives me motivation to keep going. #everything is so stressful though and I don’t know how to encapsulate everything AT ALL ugh #I’m so tired and I just want to fall over and die already but… idk #I want to restrict really badly. I want to purge and fast again. I want to become anorexic. I was at to scream out and cry and say that I’m #hurting and I’m weak and I can’t take it anymore #ugh #omg I haven’t made a huge tumblr rant in months omg I haven’t USED tumblr really in months omg #my ED loves tumblr like girl hey

[zevrans]

.

#so i finished my 4 out of 4th 12 hour shift in a row last night and i'm literally so exhausted and i was glitching mid simple tasks 🤡✌️ #my coworker asked to change shifts so he could have that one specific day as off #and he managed to do some very critical mistakes in his 4 days prior and that's considering his gf is often with him there #and i was the one suffering the consequences even if it's literally not my fault #ever since i've got this job i've been fixing so many mistakes of his i kept wondering who's the newbie here?? #like i try to leave my shift as good as possible i clean everything check everything and do all my duties #and when i come here after his shifts it's.. a fucktonne of work mistakes and literal dirt like dude!!! #4 shifts in a row never again man never again i am so tired my brain is nerfed and i can only rest for 1 day today because tomorrow i'm #going to a doc; #my social battery is not just dead it's nonexistent at this point #i just want to lay in bed and not be percieved or interacted with for at least the same amount of days 😫 #i really thought i could take a socially demanding and rather multitasking job without it taking hugest toll on my mental state huh??? #and i had such a bad sleep too i had a very graphic and sickening nightmare which woke me up 2 hours after i fell asleep #and then i woke 2 more times after that and i feel so exhausted and not rested at all and so fatigued i can't even do anything #man for me my sleep being interrupted is the worst like i function better if i have a smaller amount of sleep but it's uninterrupted #than longer in hours but it gets interrupted and i wake up even once #sorry i come here once in few days vent post and then dissapearvckfkv 😭 i miss tumblr but have no energy currently to even rb anything 🥲 #tbd

[maulfucker]

AS PROMISED.

Songs I am considering as titles for this fic

I am translating here part of these songs that I find relevant - to some it'll be just the chorus, to others it'll be almost the whole song. The bolded bits are the ones I like the most as potential titles from each of them

1. Amor Distrai (Durin) by Carne Doce

"Tonight I just want to fuck And not make love, Love distracts From finding out every possibility to satisfy me I want to feel in one spot I want to feel the whole thing I want you wild, And a new way to moan You look great In a new way to fuck And don't turn off the lights And don't close the door And let's find out what excites me, what excites you, What to do to make it better Because I only come like this, Loud and clear"

2. Garoto by Carne Doce

"Boy, I get it, let's not pretend You want me and can barely wait And I want you too, it's plain to see I looked at you with that look Easy Costly Gluttonous Vulgar Hungry Eyeing you up I can already feel myself get wet"

3. Me Beija Com Raiva by Jão

"Throw your whole truth in my face And before you leave I catch you, stop And kiss me angrily, kiss me angrily..."

4. Pilantra by Jão & Anitta

"Lie to me, run from me We swear it doesn't count In this way of ours But it's not because I hate you That I can't kiss you anymore"

5. Escorpiano by Jão

"After trying everything Kissing anyone I found in the world Drinking in parks, calling and hearing you on mute I know... After I swore to forget you Lied to myself until I was convinced When I managed to not think only of you Then you show up [...] 'Wish you well' my ass I'm gonna fuck you up You will remember me 'Wish you well' my ass I am not your friend But you made me like this"

6. Quem Te Fez Rainha? by Lupa

"I closed my eyes to not see you I crossed my arms to not want you But my lips tremble from hearing you arrive My feet take me somewhere else My bones scream for you [...] Everything I did, everything I wanted Everything I am, everything that's left [...] I loved in secret so I wouldn't hear I cleaned up my dreams so I wouldn't remember But this knot doesn't want to be untied The ground starts to quake My bones scream for you Ah, if only I wasn't crazy for you..."

7. Tangerina by Tiago Iorc & Duda Beat

"My destiny Suicidal desire Divine death Sweet tangerine..."

8. Hater by Carne Doce

"You are my favorite coward, My pet hater Who loves me in reverse, Hates me with adoration"

(that's just my favoritest from each, you can specify different bits in the comments if you want)

#hm i should make an original post tag #long post #obimaul #for reference currently the title is throw your whole truth in my face #i tried to use smalltext but i couldn't because it's so fucking broken whyyyyy is it so broken!! #i just want my long post to not look THAT long....... #anyways. wahoo it's midnight!! #i'll reblog this again tomorrow for more people to vote #so sad that poetry is so hard to translate. because how the hell do i translate 'te secando eu já me sinto molhar' #(eyeing you up i can already feel myself get wet) in a way that preserves the dry/wet parallel from the original #(secar means to dry up but it also colloquially means to look with desire) #though not necessarily with dry/wet. could be up/down. or something. but i couldn't think of anything. #hater by beloved hater by carne doce is last because it is sweeping in my mind but i wanted to give the others a fighting chance #i might change the series name to that

[cosmicdreamgrl]

.

#it's 4°C tonight and all i can think is tomorrow is exactly 4 years we've been together #sometimes it doesn't feel like that much time has passed and other times like now it does #i met him at such a strange & sorrowful moment in life #if you had told me 8 months later that i'd make the choice to try loving someone again i wouldn't have believed you #yet here i am #and honestly i can't imagine what my life would be like or who i'd be without him #so many of the best parts of me came from finding someone who helped me understand that i wasn't difficult to love/too much or not enough #it hasn't always been easy but if i went back in time? i'd change nothing #i doubt i'll ever be able to fully articulate how i feel in full #but more than anything i wish he was here now so i could actually tell him all these things #and not cry behind my screen as i type this out because i miss him to my core #so yeah happy anniversary in advance to me & happy being alone on yet another one #insert weary sigh here #steph.text

[todayisafridaynight]

confession: sometimes I come to look at your art as references because you have noted details like moles + looking at what colors u put down in my quest to find what something looks like under neutral lighting I know the shit here has been thoroughly researched

i will be normal upon learning this news.

#fave #snap chats #JUST KIDDINGLAKJVKLE I CANT EVEN MAKE A FUNNYMAN™️ COMMENT THAT'S SUCH AN HONOR THANK YOU SO MUCH #especially when i'm such a fan of your own work... i love your lighting and shading and how Shaped everyone is so much... #just the FEEL yk i cant explain it but your art just feels super great to look at.. #the funniest thing bout being sent this today is ironically i was gonna make more 'model sheets' for myself like how i did with y2 daigo #dunno why i just felt compelled to do so.. just so i could draw bitches without having to think ACTUAL Rotating Like An SSBB Trophy moment #except this one i'd make more note heavy..... cause idk i always wanted to do that tbh.. #if my arm didnt hurt i probably would ☠️ maybe tomorrow or if im too stubborn later tonight i will ☠️☠️ #but wow... again thank you that means a lot. new favorite compliment achieved thank you... #i do spend hours looking at these bitches so im glad. im glad thats apparent i pay attention 😫 #in truth i dont even draw EVERY mole on every character- daigo is esp awkward because his moles change throughout games #the moles i draw are specifically for the ps3 era/y3-75 #he has different moles in the dragon engine- they're actually on the right side of his face opposed to the left: theyre entirely different #AND IM GOBSMACKED BOUT THE COLORS BIT people tell me my colors are nice but its still ?? for me to acknowledge that sometimes #like not BAD OF COURSE NO NO IM REALLY HAPPY im just.. hm... i didnt think i was doing anything nice.. #in any case again. thank you. ive made it clear this is a big compliment I Will Can It now ☠️

[suchine-toki]

The names of Gintoki and Tsukuyo’s children

Art by 温度計

I’ve been thinking about the names of Gintoki and Tsukuyo’s children and I know it’s the typical shippy stuff and I should be doing something productive BUT ANYWAY please listen:

It’s fanon that they’ve twins since Red Spider arc. Preferably a boy and a girl.

Tsukuyo and Gintoki’s names are based on myths/legends (Tsukuyomi and Sakata no Kintoki respectively).

Therefore, their children’s names should be based on myths/legends that are siblings.

After some research I came to the conclusion that the two gods of Japanese mythology that fit the best are Haniyasu-hiko and Haniyasu-hime for the following reasons:

They’re the children of Izanagi and Izanami, one of the most prominent gods, creator deities of life and death, paralleling Gintoki and Tsukuyo’s ties to those elements as hardened warriors and protectors.

Haniyasu-hiko and Haniyasu-hime are siblings. One is known as the God of courage and strength while the other is the Goddess of love, devotion, and spirit, embodying both Gintoki and Tsukuyo in their desire to protect the people they care about.

They were born from Izanami's feces, so apart from having a deep meaning it’s also a poop joke lmao

Since all names have little variations in Gintama, I would change the previously established names to (sorry if I mess up the kanji) Haruhiko (春彦) and Hanahime (花姫).

#Gintama #Sakata Gintoki #Dadtoki #Tsukuyo #gintsu #Gintsu family #Decent names for Dia and Block #I’ve a presentation tomorrow and here I am procrastinating again #There are other things like them being earth clay and pottery deities which could apply to their future role in protecting the Earth #I also wanted names that were similar for the twins #They’re considered a couple as well as siblings (just like Izanagi and Izanami) but I conveniently ignore that #I know everyone has their headcanons so feel free to reply or tag the names you imagine for them and why if you want #It would be interesting to see :) #Headcanon #Text #my post #yes I changed the boy's name #because I forgot Madao's wife was named Hatsu lol #But now it's Haru (spring) and Hana (flower) so it fits better #let's say they were born in spring

[faggling]

Hopefully we'll have heating tomorrow because it's about to start getting below freezing this weekend 🤞

#also they found our car!!! #its damaged but nothing too crazy #the big thing is finding a way down there #we have an offer to go tomorrow but if there arent any shops able to take us that soon theres not much of a point #ignition got punched and window busted so we cant just drive it back home #so dumb but thank fuck they found it #gonna get that bitch insured now #also might still buy this prius from a friend of a friend because its good condition and price #and if we had two cars again it could change a lot #... i still have to contact the cops here and ask about the old car they snatched #i just hate cops and also do not want the car #cant put it off forever tho #god only knows how much money i owe them

[girlscience]

the fact it's been five fucking years and i still sob like a baby any time some character comes out and their parents accept them fucking sucks

#i did not expect to be so tense i started sweating and my jaw started hurting just from watching a silly episode of schitts creek #but here we are. #i do not like coming out stories. they are constantly stressful and i avoid them as much as possible #but i didn't know that's what the episode was going to be and then it was #and like i knew they weren't going to have his parents Not accept him but all the nerves were there #and then he told them and they just told him they loved him and wanted him to be happy #and i started crying #it just fucking sucks. all my friends know. day to day i don't think about it #but like earlier my mom asked if i wanted to do something with her tomorrow and i got nervous #because what if i do the wrong thing. what if i say the wrong thing. what if this is the day she decides i'm too queer and she brings it up #what if this is the time church gets talked about again and i can't hold it in #i have been on eggshells my entire life and i'm so fucking tired of it #i'm scared to even looking into transition. i don't feel like i can even try to date. i can't buy things i want cause what if they see them #what if i do and they stop talking to me. if i don't wait till my grandma dies will she disown me? #will i still get to see my cousins if my family finds out? will i get to go to holidays and birthdays and family dinners if they know? #it would be easier if i didn't care about them or i knew they didn't love me #but i do and i they do and so i'm scared #and i could just get it over with and be done with it and tell everyone #but i don't have a girlfriend and i'm not transitioning so what's the point #it seems stupid to tell them when i'm not changing at all. so why change my relationships with them #i don't know. i'm just fucking tired of it

[tortademaracuya]

... :)

#about to rant so ignore me #but like #okay. i have gotten over my assigned professor being changed. its okay. if she says this is better i trust her decision #and the forgetting to tell me and my new professor not having understood he had to read my stuff now is just an unfortunate accident #it happens. im unlucky like that i should be used to it #but now i still havent gotten even a single 'read' or whatever like they do with all my other classmates #if i go to class tomorrow just to find out no one still hasnt read what i have been working on for the last 5 weeks im #im going to explode #i already feel like shit for not meeting my self imposed goals #and its not like they could forget i have had no revisions BECAUSE I REMINDED THEM AGAIN TO PLEASE CHECK THEM OUT ON THE EMAIL I SENT #im just. so desmotivated #im already having the shittiest fucking weeks. maybe months. trying to get myself to work and do stuff #and this makes me feel like im that forgettable or that im gonna get hit with a 'change EVERYTHING' in the worst last possible moment #im so tired my intentions are good please someone for the love of god remember IM HEREEEEEEE #nothing is enjoyable i have no energy i just want to sleep everyday!!!!!!! i feel like im a burden and a bore to anyone!!!!!!! #im not wanted anywhere!!!!!! im fucking painted in here!!!!! #i have begun to talk about stuff unrelated to what i was originally saying 🙃 but oh well #its too much too many things all at the same time #i just want one fucking time where im not forgotten by literally everyone and made feel like a last fucking choice i want good things!!!!! #and im so tired of coming to terms with me never being anything to anyone just for someone to come and make me think maybe im wrong #just for everything to go to shit again!!!!!!! #i want to scream and take space and say how mad i am no more fucking 'dont worry its okay' 'sorry' no fuck off!!!!!!! SCREAM!!!!! #haunted.txt

[dilfcherricola]

Trying not to resent my roommate/coworker for things that are not in faer control but damn if the things aren’t making my life harder

#I’ve already done this rant in tags before scroll back if you’re curious it was like two weeks ago #almost nothing has changed except fae’s been late to work ever single day for the past two weeks #including today. i knocked on faer door at 8:55 to make sure we could leave at nine. not awake. #i leave at 9 and work for an hour mostly doing cleaning in the lab because it takes two people to do most other things #i come back at ten to check up bc I’m like. did you fall into the toilet. #knock on the door again 10:05. wake faer up AGAIN #i say ‘we have to go collect samples and I’m leaving at 10:30 with or without you’ #because I’m a little pissed at this point #and at 10:15 the fire alarm goes off (no fire it’s been broken) #so I go sit in my car instead of in the lobby. because it’s loud. #at the Stroke of 10:30 the door to the building opens and put comes roommate. #carrying a cat kennel. with a cat in it. to go get samples. #we go get samples. the cat yells the whole time. it’s annoying and I turn the music up because at least that’s noise I can control. #(we were collecting crabs and I caught all of them because fae didn’t want to touch the seaweed) #roommate turns the radio off because it’s too loud so we just sit in silence and cat yowling. #get back at noon and that’s all the work for today apparently so we go home. fae gets back in bed Immediately #and I do not hear from faer until 9:45 pm. #fae had a zoom meeting at 3 that’s already been rescheduled like twice #and has another one tomorrow that is somehow exactly at high tide. which means I have to get the samples myself. in a canoe. #so like. i think it’s not unreasonable of me to want a 21 year old coworker and roommate to also help with being a functional adult #and not have to have me drag faer along like a middle schooler #also I do all the cooking and fae has the AUDACITY to complain #in summary #I’m pissed but I’m not gonna say anything because I’m afraid that fae’d kill faerself #so! having a great summer so far #shush up jj #personal #mine

[the-busy-ghost]

Ah yes, nothing better when you’re sleep deprived than wrestling a dirty sash and case window at 1AM, three stories up. 

#We got there in the end and at least now I don't have to fix it tomorrow or call out someone professional #But I got covered in decade old spider corpses and dirt (and I'd JUST deep-cleaned that windowsill) #And what's possibly even more dangerous is that I'm now wide awake and Excited To Learn How Windows Work #I need sleep not more reasons to stay awake #Look on the one hand I strongly recommend period features #If that had happened on a modern window I wouldn't have had any chance of fixing it #But my god they can be a pain to keep clean #Especially if it's a sheer wall on the other side and you're on the second floor (third US terms) #And someone painted the top of the sash shut #So nobody has cleaned the outside of that window in a LONG time #Mind you now that I know how to take the bottom section off... #NO #As if I wasn't already sleeping badly #I'mm trying to sleep on my back again because I'm getting a very sore back from sleeping on my front #But the reason I started sleeping on my front is to fend off hallucinations #Which could come back at any time ESPECIALLY IF I'M SLEEP DEPRIVED #So yeah #Great evening all round #Just glad I made the decision to change out of my pyjamas before tackling it that could have been messy

[starpros-sunshine]

I exist in this weird personality limbo where i somehow have so little sense of an individual self that that over time warped into. whatever this is. I have something going on here i'm sure but I am 99% sure that it's either indescribable or just very difficult to define beyond "Nice with an interesting sense of humour"

#talked to someone today and all I could think about after was how off that felt #the whole experience I mean #not the person I like the person #I was meant to sit alone in a room and do my own thing honestly that's what life keeps signaling to me #but I like being with people is the issue I enjoy being out and about it's a change of something it feels like the normal thing to do #i mean what normal teens get up to and all that it doesn't feel very normal to me but you understand #I enjoy doing stuff i can talk about afterwards is all I mean #but at the same time it's very...like...I know if I behaved off protocol right now you would not enjoy me #I have nothing of relevance to say I have a lot of half-knowledge nobody can actually do anything with #I'm a little dull but it works for me so i don't mind #but on protocol is literally just basic curtesy rules and polite behaviour thats. well. nice. #people say they enjoy talking to me but I dont think a lot of them really do i think they just think I'm pleasant company because I'm polit #and don't really have a set opinion #but again it works for me #I do wonder sometimes if people can sense that #that I'm not all there I mean #i wouldn't want to seem like I don't care I do kind of I don't like the thought of getting very attached to people but it's nice #to have something like friends I mean #or rather people you get along with very well #It's just a bit of a strange experience is all #boy I'm going way out of my comfort zone here with the introspection sebastian sir since when were we so willing to self reflect #that sounds wrong it's not like i have a problem with that #ahhh I need to do my art thing.... #sigh the deadline is tomorrow and I am not done yet it's 11pm and -i have to get out early tomorrow #I just want to sleep #and then sleep in. let me have my twelve hours of cozy in bed time :/