#but BORING bastards

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

there's just... there is no reason to make yet another cop show in this day and age. copaganda is not only bullshit, it is a failure of imagination.

you want to watch brooding characters with dark pasts investigate crimes in an official capacity? just use private detectives (cops have a miserable solve rate anyway). want eccentric geniuses & their sidekicks solving mysteries? i present you with armchair detectives & neighborhood busybodies. oh, you're craving a workplace comedy-drama starring overworked protagonists doing their heartfelt best to resolve community conflicts? social worker office sitcom! bitch this is ACHIEVABLE

#i lied the one reason to make a cop show is you want a mafia show and the cops are currently by far the most powerful u.s. mafia #BUT! i cannot emphasize enough: the police have none of the aesthetics or personality of the actual mafia so why even bother #The Sopranos but in an office setting with buzzing fluorescent lighting? and half your co-workers are weekend neo-nazis? come on #no. just no #from now on i want all tv cops to be villainous side characters #but BORING villainous side characters #i like villains as much as the next queer audience member but i cannot overstate the importance of portraying cops as not just bastards #but BORING bastards #they are so boring. they are boring and hateful and also neither particularly smart nor interesting #i need to emphasize: there is NOTHING to romanticize there #i am so passionate and supportive of anti-romanticizing cops. ANTI-ROMANTICIZE THE POLICE. #the police are BORING and HATEFUL and CRUEL and BASIC AS HELL #and we should be pointing that out publicly every chance we get #the police are BORING BASIC BITCHES and mocking them publically is a patriotic service

[britcision]

Hey when you move out on your own the most important food tip I can give you is “maybe you don’t hate x maybe your guardians just cooked it wrong”

The number of foods I have learned I really like if they’re Fucking Seasoned

The number of foods I’ve introduced friends to that they warned me they’d always hated til I let them try a piece of mine

Also marinade things for 24 hours the second you have your own fridge it is a GAME CHANGER you thought you knew food but you have never met her

#food tips #food #usually pork #you can’t just fry pork plain #it’s fucking boring #no #even just the tiniest bloop of teriyaki #a teaspoon of lea and perrins #or my preferred bastard mix: honey garlic honey mustard teriyaki bbq lea and perrins #leave it in that bitch overnight #i did a 48 hour marinade once and OH MY FUCKING GID #i wish i had energy to do it every day

[itsdefinitely]

c c caan you draw ted, , , pleas,e , ogugh ,, ,

even hatchetfield's resident asshole can find it in his heart to be kind sometimes

#this ask is so funny to me. here take your ted(s) please dont die on my front step #the property value will go down and then the hoa will hunt me for sport #id in alt text #ted spankoffski #hatchetfield #time bastard #definitely art #artstyle change i know but i got bored of the other one. let me live my life

[coastielaceispunk]

Pedro Pascal: But…what if I didn’t JUST sit in the chair??

*Proceeds to slide off, pick up the chair, or kick his feets in the air*

#sometimes he just doesn’t wanna #same here you hot bastard! #intended chair use is boring #none of it is good for his back #i love him your honor #pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal

[devildomresidentt]

I love the idea that all of the brothers can turn into their Representative Animals at will, and I’m 100% sure Belphie abuses this power the most 😭😭

Like just imagine you walk into the HOL Living room and the first thing you see is a big ass Cow slumped over in the middle of the floor while everyone else sits in silence minding their own as if this is entirely normal to them?!

And if you ask anyone of them what the hell is going on they’ll simply say, “Don’t mind Belphie, he’s just trying to get out of dish duty”

Because of course he’d rather turn himself into a damn near 4,500 pound Cow than wash 2 forks and a couple of bowls…

#DAMN THAT LAZY BASTARD #and you best belive he’ll stay that way until someone does it for him #or he’ll stay that way until he gets bored and decides to do them damn dishes #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #obey me #obey me swd #obey me! #obey me nightbringer #obeyme! #obey me drabble #obey me hcs #obey me crack

[renmorris]

I know fanon is stupid and takes on a life of its own

but I really don’t understand how other Jean fans just don’t…deal with the fact that he leaves Harry to die in the bad end.* Like do people just not know about the bad end? What’s happening here? I don’t get why you’d just toss out what makes a character interesting and replace it with a generic personality from a network police procedural my grandma would watch

like Jean isn’t loyal. he’s unpleasant and cruel. this is what makes him actually interesting and is the role he fills in the story as an antagonistic bigot. he’s the kind of person who doesn’t rush to his partner's side when he’s shot but goes to the guy he was working with to get more ammunition to have him fired. he's self centered enough to prioritize his own mental illness as an excuse above the wellbeing of the civilians around him.

his victim complex is fascinating and hugely realistic to cops irl! he’s a total prick to Judit and Trant! he is frequently saying things that betray his right wing leanings, calling Trant a lefty dink, saying the liberals are going to come down on them for the piss jacket, or complaining about how 'no one' gets married in Revachol despite that being demonstrably untrue.

idk idk he’s just a very vivid and realistic person and watching that kind of guy get ground down and sanded off until there’s nothing left so he can be a likable woobie who sticks out like a sore thumb in a cast of complicated characters is depressing

*unless Those Types of fans are trying to justify it by saying Harry deserves it for (having the audacity to be disabled or completely made up reason)

#I showed up to the I love bastards convention and instead everyone is being boring and or ableist

[harbingersglory]

can i req some arlecchino kink headcanons? no pressure to answer! there's just a lack of new knave content lately ahhh.. (￣ヘ￣)

{☆} characters arlecchino {☆} notes drabble, hc's, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings 18+ content

{☆} dacryphilia

arlecchino is a sucker for crying. doesn't matter if you cry easily or not– either she sees it as a challenge to make you cry in the first place or to see how much you can cry before you have to tap out. her absolute favorite way to make you cry is straight up overstimulating (or understimulating you, depending on her mood) until you're practically sobbing. if you cry prettily enough maybe she'll take pity on you.

{☆} temp play

arlecchino has a pyro vision and she is absolutely going to use it. especially prominent if you're both in snezhnaya– it provides prime opportunities for her to slip her hands under your clothes when you least expect it just to see you squirm beneath her hands. she'd never actually do anything too scandalous in public, but if you're a bit more hidden away she'll have no qualms playing with your chest. if you complain about the cold you're just giving her an excuse to "warm you up" and see you tremble like a lamb.

{☆} face sitting

nothing prettier to her then seeing you above her with her face between your legs. her tongue is just as warm as any other part of her, and she knows how to use it, too. she'll hook her arms around your thighs just to hold you down until you've doubled over from the intensity of it– if you start crying, oh, she just gets worse. absolutely ravenous. she won't stop even if her jaw starts to ache. if you don't want her to stop, she could go for hours without a break.

#genshin impact smut #genshin smut #arlecchino x reader #arlecchino smut #writing tag #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #minors dni #asks #anon #i would pref if men didnt interact w this but im not gonna go out of my way 2 do a background check lol #considered for the briefest moment on adding breeding kink to this but i had to physically restrain myself i add it to EVERYTHING #arle breeding kink but w/o the actual breeding she has enough little bastards 2 deal w u get me #its abt the Idea. the Concept. #if u thought id stop adding 300 random tags yapping ahahaha no. #also considered overstim but thats a given. BORING. #also me?? actually using this blog???? yeah lol #if my mutuals see this look away im having a moment #i havent slept at all its like 4 am if theres a typo or smth i forgor look away

[littlerosette]

i cannot believe that katniss everdeen became the “anti-bella” figure when the hunger games first came out. i cannot believe that she was widely known as someone who was “strong” and “independent” and “didn’t care about boys or romance” and was distinctly anything that’s considered “not feminine” (because that’s bad!) when in the books, she’s the most Teenage Girl teenage girl that i’ve ever run into in any medium. she’s kind, and compassionate, and nurturing, and moody, and angry, and occasionally verbally nasty, and she loves music, and art, and having picnics with the boy she likes. there’s nothing about her that’s stoic and unfeeling. for as subversive as the hunger games was in regards to gender roles, she never feels like someone who resents her own womanhood. she never sees being a woman as a weakness. as a defective state of being. suzanne collins never uses her to knock down traits that we commonly see as “feminine” the way so many other authors do with their “strong” female protagonists. she’s a complex, fully fleshed out teenage girl who thinks and acts like a teenage girl, and you cannot get away from that. and there is some part of me that is resentful that the movie franchise came off on the heels of twilight because i think katniss’s characterization would be so different if the movies came out today. i don’t think the directors would’ve gone so far out of their way to make her a stereotypical stoic badass instead of what she actually is: a kind, moody teenage girl.

#if you can’t tell i Love this girl i love her #and people who write katniss as someone who’s stoic and unfeeling STOP DOING THAT!!!!! #you fell for the propaganda!!!! #i can go off on how peeta was bastardized too but i really think tv and film haven’t figured out how to portray sweet cheeky boys without #making them completely boring #the hunger games #katniss #katniss everdeen

[gay-jesus-probably]

Seeing as the Gerudo turned on Ganon, he might not have been that much better of a ruler.

First of all, we literally have no idea, because the only ancient Gerudo that we actually get to interact with is Ganondorf himself, and he has nothing to say about his own people. The ancient Gerudo sage doesn't count btw, she doesn't have a name, we never even see her face, and she has literally nothing to say except repeating the exact same dialogue as the sages for the other races. The narrative does not treat the ancient sages as people; they are four completely interchangable weapons that are owned by the royal family.

And secondly, I don't care how Ganon ruled them; the Gerudo only get one man every century, if their king sucks, they've obviously got their own system of government to fall back on. I have no idea what kind of authority the sages had among their own people, but honestly I'd say if the four of them were in charge of their respective people, then they were just puppet rulers appointed by Rauru, given that all four of them happily agreed that to sell their entire race into servitude the second Zelda asked them. Say what you will about Ganondorf, but I fucking know that if he was told the Gerudo people existed for the sole purpose of serving the glory of Hyrule, he'd drop kick Zelda into the fucking sun.

And don't get me started on the implications of the cultural differences we see between the independent Gerudo and the annexed Gerudo. The background Gerudo characters all have their own models, and we can clearly see that the ones siding with Ganon have their own unique looks - for example, the amazing lady with the mohawk that summons the molduga swarm in that one flashback. And men are never mentioned in these flashbacks at all, which implies that the Gerudo genuinely didn't care about settling down. Ganon even speaks derisively about marriage, implying that it's very rare for Gerudo women to make serious romantic commitments with men. It implies that their culture is more along the same line as their portrayal in OOT - they are a closed culture. Men trying to force their way into their areas are arrested, and mocked for being entitled dumbasses. Outsiders are only welcome if they can prove that they respect the Gerudo as people, and aren't just there to try and pick up chicks. It's never outright said, but OOT also makes it pretty clear that the Gerudo women just aren't interested in marrying outsiders - close relationships occur with other Gerudo, Hylian men are only considered useful for making babies.

Meanwhile the Gerudo we see serving Hyrule are all trying to measure up to Hylian beauty standards, and appeal to their men. Their one goal in life is to meet a man and get married. Men are welcome in their lands, and only kept out of the town itself... and even then, there's a small army of guys trying to force their way into the town anyways, which is brushed off as just haha, boys will be boys. No men allowed isn't even about independence, it's just a silly romantic tradition.

Of course this is just a fictional culture in a game world, but it's still really fucking uncomfortable that the 'evil' Gerudo are the ones that have independence, both politically and socially, and display a unique culture that refuses to tolerate disrespect from outsiders. Meanwhile the 'good' Gerudo are the ones that canonically exist to serve a kingdom where 95% of the population is light skinned (even setting aside the unfortunate implications, just saying one race exists to serve a different one is super fucked up), they have classes on how to be more appealing to Hylian's, and their entire social structure is built around finding a Hylian man to marry, making them all inherently dependent on the goodwill of outsiders. Even their biggest value of 'women only' is treated as a joke; men trying to trespass in BOTW are just shoved back out the door, letting them keep trying all day if they want. The crowds of men plotting to force their way in are laughed off as a joke. Nobody cares that there's a guy running laps around their city walls and trying to trick women into being alone with him. I mean for fucks sake, in TOTK we find that the creepy guy trying to lure women away has taken advantage of a massive disaster to get into the town, and he's still there once things return to normal. You can't kick him out, or alert anyone to his presence. And the Gerudo just tolerate Hylians blatantly ignoring their boundaries. For fucks sake, TOTK even reveals that the seven legendary heroines they've been revering the whole time were actually completely useless and unable to achieve anything... because they needed the eighth hero, a Hylian man to teach them basic tactics and do all the heavy lifting.

TOTK does not respect the Gerudo people in the slightest. It doesn't respect anyone who isn't Hylian or Zonai.

...This got a little off track, but the point I'm trying to make is, no, I don't consider the Gerudo turning on Ganon to mean anything. The entire game does not feel like the real story of what happened, it feels like the propaganda version of history meant to make Hyrule look as good as possible. I genuinely cannot believe that we're being told the real story about the Imprisoning War, because none of it feels real, and we don't get to know any details that might have made Hyrule look even slightly imperfect. We're told that Ganondorf is evil because he hates Hyrule, and he hates Hyrule because he's evil. The Gerudo people followed Ganondorf and saw him as a hero of their people, then suddenly he was their worst enemy. Hyrule is a perfect kingdom that has strong, equal alliances with the other races, but also all of the non-Hylian races exist for the sole purpose of serving Hyrule, and their leaders are expected to swear eternal loyalty and submission to the Hylian royal family. King Rauru and Queen Sonia united all of the races in peace and equality, which is why they're sitting on the world's supply of magical nuclear missiles, and every member of the Hylian royal family is allowed to walk around wearing them as cute accessories, but everyone else only gets them at the last second, and they all need to outright swear to only use that power to benefit Rauru and his descendants.

There's just so many fucked up contradictions, and so many hints of something more nuanced going on... but the story refuses to acknowledge any of it, and just keeps aggressively pushing the narrative that Hyrule is the ultimate good and couldn't possibly do anything wrong. I don't even believe that Ganon was a bad king honestly; we never hear why his people stopped following him. We also never even see if the Gerudo people turned on him at all; all we know is the ancient Gerudo sage wanted him dead, and given that she also happily sold her people into slavery, she's not exactly the most trustworthy source of information. All we know is that Ganondorf was a hero to his people, only one of his citizens is ever shown having an issue with him (and her motives are never explained), and then he lost the war and was sealed away, leaving his people open to be conquered by Zelda and annexed into Hyrule. By the time we see any Gerudo actually opposing Ganon (apart from the ancient sage), it's been ten thousand years since the war, and all anyone knows is the Hylian version of the story.

#tears of the kingdom spoilers #tears of the kingdom #ganondorf #the secret bonus reason for me arguing about this so much is that it's interesting #on a surface reading TOTK is a really boring story. nothing changes nobody learns anything there's no nuance #the game explains the entire story to us in the opening cutscene. idk why they bothered with the rest of the game #you could walk down those stairs in the intro and kill ganon immediately and it'd be pretty much the exact same story #if i take the game at face value then there's literally nothing to talk about. i just straight up do not care. #but analyzing all the fucked up implications nintendo accidentally included? now thats a story to talk about #i dont think ganondorf is secretly a really nice guy. i think he's more interesting if he's actually a complete bastard #but he's a complete bastard that has a point and if the game wont acknowledge that then i will #sure the people he's fighting against seem nice. but they're not actually good people #i mean ffs zelda certainly doesnt seem concerned that she last saw link taking a fatal blow for her then jumping into a bottomless pit #she doesn't even consider that he might be dead. or just unable/unwilling to fight after being horrifically wounded #at least BOTW had the decency to ask Link if he was willing to risk his life to fight ganon

[w98pops]

i am, in fact, a normal human being

#i actually wanted to make 4 main faction leaders but kimball is so immensely boring #and oliver is a bastard #so heres papa cat instead #fallout new vegas #fallout #fnv #caesar #edward sallow #mr. house #robert edwin house #yes man #papa khan

[tabbyrocks]

Im an avid raidoapple enjoyer but if i see one more post ignore that alastor is aroace im loosing it. STOP SEXULIXING THEIR RELATIONSHIP SSSTSTSTTSOOSSPPPPPP. bro has been canon asexual for AGES when will you rats lay off that twink jesus christ.

#radioapple #appleradio #also why are yall saying its a spectrum and then not hcing where on the spectrum he is you guys are boring #hes so grayromantic asexual to me #also dont use the spec excuse to erase rep you rat bastards #im also an enjoyer of just aroace alastor im just hyperfixed on raidoapple rn #i need these dads to kiss to make up for my lack of one

[justwannabecat]

Broke: Dick becoming a police officer to try and bring a positive change from the inside

Woke: Dick becoming a police officer because it gives Bruce an aneurysm thinking about how easily people could tie that to Nightwing

Bespoke: Dick becoming a police officer because, on the off chance he ever happens to meet the Joker in uniform, nobody will bat an eye when he kills him

#don’t give me the normal good person answer #‘he joined the force to try and fix it! he wanted at least one trustworthy guy there!’ #THAT’S BORING #give me pissed off Dick #Yes he can help make it better #but he didn’t have to join to do that! #no! make it because he wants an excuse to murder the bastard who killed his baby brother!!! #and also so he could steal whatever he needs while destroying incriminating evidence… #yeah he’s a dirty cop too. just. a good guy dirty cop. #dc #dick grayson #nightwing #batman

[shibaraki]

I like ‘bad’ fanfiction I like crackfic and silly AUs I like fic that diverges so far from canon that it’s practically unrecognisable and fic that is blatantly self indulgent I like fanfics with no plot and cliches and predictable twists and repeated tropes! not every fanwork has to be a bestselling novel every single fic has a place and a purpose and sometimes I want to come home and read something that doesn’t require me to think! sue me

#thank you to every writer ily and I see the effort you put into your fics I just hope you know you’re allowed to play around and be silly #we have such range. masterlist be looking like fic one: emotional turmoil ✨ fic two: piss kink ✨ fic three: blorbo works at sainsburys #I enjoy each and every one 👍 #sorry I’m preaching again ig lol I just saw some shitty comments on twit #‘omg this is so bad it’s so far fetched’ so what! it’s fun!! boring bastard aren’t u #bro I read fic for fandoms I’m not even in. for tv shows I’ve never even watched. as far as I’m concerned it’s CANON 🕺🏻 #hell ​some of the best plots I’ve read have been ‘poorly written’ fics #not everything has to be good sometimes being bad is why it’s charming smh #and bad is subjective anyway #sorry I just love fanfic #and I’m still hungover #priv

[huanted-dennys]

take a prowl doodle i did on my phone

#I was waiting for my laundry and was very bored #the bastard #love himb #prowl #transformers #maccadam #maccadams #nyoooomart

[clownhonkbonk]

guys who was that person who said that ted could fix mark chastity, i completely agree

but what if he fixed him,,, yet also imagine if they had this beautiful thing happening then big argument and then one of them died in the apocalypse or something ,,, crazy,,,

#pls gimme drawin requests related to starkid or tcb im bored 😢 #starkid npmd #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #ted spankoffski #tgwdlm #starkid #holy bastard

[keldabekush]

Fox will later blame the entire conversation on the fruity green drink that Commander Bly had brought him from the bar, without his input.

"I miss hanging out with Alpha-Seventeen."

It smells malty, tastes sweet, and after three sips makes his mouth numb and tingly enough that he barely realises he’s said anything out loud until he notes that all eyes have turned to him.

Three CC-class clones he has only interacted with in a professional capacity outside of Kamino, and knows by reputation, mostly.

Commanders Cody, Bly and Doom had been kind to invite him to their table when they caught sight of him alone by the bar nursing a beer that was probably closer related to piss than alcohol.

"You used to hang out with Alpha-Seventeen?" Commander Doom is incredulous, Commander Bly is indignant.

"What? We never got to hang out with Alpha-Seventeen-"

Fox takes a few moments to consider lying, making out that he had a revered connection with the most admired trainer on Kamino. The little thrill of pleasure it would give him to obfuscate an undignified truth that no one had to know.

The open expression on Commander Bly's face stalls the urge. He thinks about the numb, yawning distance he has trapped himself behind, and the joylessness of being dignified. Of all the silly little things that no one will ever know about him when he dies, because he had never told anyone.

He interrupts.

"Well. By hang out I mean in my seventh cycle I would sit outside his door for an hour every evening,” he has another tingling sip of green juice to fortify him, and catches Commander Cody’s eyes deliberately “and tell him that if I was graded lower than you in the marksmanship exam, then I would strangle you to death in your bunk."

Bly laughs, startled, and beside him Commander Cody doesn't show any offense, but does raise his eyebrows as he sips his pink lemon drink, holding the sparkly decorative cocktail stick out of the way with his forefinger.

Fox eyes his non-response, and registers in himself a prickle of disappointment. He will examine it later, he assures himself, when the green juice has worn off.

"Did he ever talk back?" Commander Doom leans back against the sticky vinyl seating in the booth, and watches Fox's face the same way Fox has been watching theirs. He thinks he likes Commander Doom.

"No, i think he just started putting headphones in and taking a nap or something. I stopped eventually." there’s a shadow of a smile, which as far as Fox has been able to put together about the man is as good as a chuckle.

Commander Bly is far more ready with a grin.

"Fox, that’s not hanging out. That’s a symptom of something being very wrong. With you."

Fox, he thinks to himself. He had progressed to friendly address with Comman- with Bly, at least. It was promising.

"Yeah, i had no friends. He never told me not to strangle you though, Commander,” Fox twist the corner of his mouth in a wry smile, to hammer home to Commander Cody that there’s no intent behind the joke, even as he needles for a response, ”just want to emphasize that. I considered it."

"Why? I don't think we ever even spoke as cadets." the eyebrows are raised again, and still Fox can’t get a read on his expression

"Oh no, yeah, we didn't. I only knew you existed because you broke my record score in the flightsim in our fifth cycle and I swore revenge. You bastard. "

"This is why you didn’t have any friends, then?"

"Yeah. Pretty much, yeah. I worked on it."

"Do you still want to strangle me to death?"

"Hm. Remind me what your marksmanship score was in cycle seven, and i'll get back to you."

Commander Cody laughs, and the smile that breaks across his face is as much a relief as it is a victory. Fox lets the tension in his shoulders ease and rocks with the playful punch to the arm from Bly, barely rescuing the remaining half of his drink.

Later, he will blame the green juice for the small, real smile that wont leave his face for the rest of the night, when the three Commanders insist he drop formality and call them by name, for force’s sake, relax, and when he tests the water with a trivial gripe about paperwork and is met instantly with sympathetic noises and agreements, he feels on a firm footing at last.

See, he can make friends just fine, Stone.

#commander fox #kushwrites #fic #fox is a loser he absolutely sat himself down in their eyeline so they would feel obliged to invite him over #hes lonely and bored and has decided to stop being a bastard just to see what its like #hes very bad at making friends but thankfully bly and cody are much better at it #i did this last night nd i dont have time to do a second pass before work so tke it as it is sorry