#but for the most part I’m hoping they convey what happens in the story

[limarieb]

love is a double-edged sword

Pairing(s): Wanda Maximoff x Female!Reader (Past Wanda Maximoff x Vision)

Summary: Falling in love with your presumed-to-be-straight best friend could have been possibly the worst, most cliché thing you have ever done. But, it could also have been the best.

Warnings: internalized homophobia, coming out, occasional swearing used, brief mention of non-consensual kiss

Word Count: 4.5k

Author's Note: ahh my tumblr debut! this was the first mcu fic i ever wrote — i hope you guys enjoy.

Main Masterlist | ao3 | Wattpad

...

Since the age of six, if anyone asked you who your best friend was, you would proudly respond, “Wanda Maximoff”; she would do the same with your name.

But, you’re not exactly sure when your feelings for her become less friendly.

Maybe it was one of those times she had gone off on a tangent and explained the latest book she read, saying how much you’d “love it if you just listened to her and read the damn book.” You found her passion for stories endearing, perhaps even admirable. Maybe it was Field Day during the seventh grade; the outside air was plagued by blistering heat, but — with her long, brunette hair tied up in a high ponytail — she made sweating look good . Maybe it was the fact that, when you came out to your family last year, she had comforted you afterward; she held your face in her hands, wiped your tears with her two thumbs, and told you any girl would be lucky to have you.

You were sure at this moment that you did not want “any girl,” however, because the only girl you wanted was the one sitting in front of you.

You mistakenly let out a scoff. Of course, you would fall victim to the “lesbian falls for the straight best friend” trope. Wanda, on the other hand, thought the scoff was a response to her; thus, she pulled you into a tight hug, trying to convey how deeply she cares for you.

“I’m serious, Y/N,” she whispered into your ear. “One day, some girl is going to love you for you .”

You didn’t reply.

It was the second to last day of your junior year in high school. Thankfully, you had finished your exams, but the school required everyone to attend until the last day anyway.

It’s not like you could’ve done much for summer anyways; it has been raining all week, and it’s not like you got your license, nor do you even own a car. Additionally, you reasoned there could be far worse places to be in this moment, like home.

As you closed your locker, a mischievous brunette was lingering on the other side.

“Hello, Wanda. What can I do you for on this very fine day?” you said, sarcastically putting emphasis on the “very fine” part of the question.

She chuckled as she shook her head, “Nothing, at least not with that attitude.”

“Fine,” you gave in quickly, in pursuit of the real reason behind this conversation. “Seriously, though, what has Wanda Maximoff in such a chipper mood during school hours?”

Somehow, your question made her smile grow wider. “You’ll never guess what happened this morning,” she began. “Vision asked me out.”

Now, that caught your attention, “What?”

“Yeah, you know Tony, right? He’s that annoying rich kid in our class. Anyways, he’s throwing some sort of party for the end of the year and, since he and Vision are essentially best friends, Vision asked me to go to the party with him.”

You were only able to get one word out: “Wow.”

Noticing your lack of enthusiasm, Wanda turned her body completely towards you, “What? What’s wrong? Aren’t you excited for me?”

Truthfully, you were not excited for her. It’s not as if you did not know of Wanda’s infatuation with Vision; in fact, you could probably never forget the number of times she would talk to you about his “beautiful, blonde hair” and “pretty eyes.” Vision was not necessarily a bad kid, but you just hate that she just couldn’t like you like that.

It’s not like you could share this desire with your best friend either; ergo, you opted to put on a brave face and say, “Of course, I’m excited for you.” And, in case she didn’t believe you, you playfully elbowed her side, “If it goes well, I better be the maid of honor.”

You know that had convinced her, for she bit her lip and nodded excitedly.

“Oh,” Wanda started. “One more thing…”

As you looked at the mansion that stood before you, filled to the brim with a plethora of drunk teenagers, you uttered to yourself, “I don’t know why I let her talk me into coming to this. One day, I am going to have to stop agreeing with her on everything.”

You know you wouldn’t — if she wanted something, you’d make sure she’d get it. Nevertheless, that didn’t stop you from finding situations such as this annoying.

You walked through the front door. Immediately, your senses were overwhelmed by the strong smell of alcohol and the loud music blasting in the atmosphere. You attempted to push through to get through the crowd of people and find the person responsible for your presence. Before you could get much further, you felt another person grab and pull your wrist from behind, forcing you to turn around.

Wanda.

“Y/N, you came!” she tried to yell over the music. You could tell she wasn’t drunk, but she had definitely consumed something alcoholic. You failed to get a word in before she continued to pull you by the hand to venture further into the crowd of people, “Come on, let’s go dance!”

Moments later, you found yourself awkwardly “dancing” with your best friend. Although, she seemed to be having the time of her life. When she noticed your stiffness, she brought you closer to her, allowing you to hear her say, “Don’t worry about everyone else… Just dance with me!” 

So, you did. You let go of any apprehensions, allowing yourself to move freely with the music and the girl in front of you.

Meanwhile, Vision stood across the room with a drink in hand. Not really thrilled by what he was seeing occurring between you and Wanda, he decided to end it. Drunkenly strolling over to you two, he pulled her from your grasp and into (in your unbiased opinion) one of the grossest, sloppiest kisses you had ever witnessed. 

You weren’t exactly sure how to respond, partly due to the fact that there wasn’t exactly a reason to be envious of him anyways. So, you stood there awkwardly once more, pushing the jealousy down within you.

Wanda, on the other hand, was not thrilled by the action either. She knew he was drunk, tasting the alcohol the minute he forcefully placed his lips on hers. Quickly, she pulled away, “What the fuck, Vision? What was that?”

With a smirk aimed at you, he replied, “What do you mean?” She scowled, “You can’t just do that! Why would you ever think that was okay?”

“I should ask you the same thing.”

Now, she was the one in a state of confusion, yet hers was not fake, “What do you mean?”

“Y/N,” his retort made you look down at your old, worn-out sneakers. You weren’t entirely sure what direction this was all going, but you already knew that you did not like it.

“What about her, Vision?” “She’s obviously into you. I saw how you two were dancing together. My friends saw it, too. How is that supposed to make me feel, Wanda?”

Despite not being able to look up due to the embarrassment, you could feel the anger rolling off of Wanda’s body, “That is so not true, Vision, and you know it! Why are you acting so insecure about it, anyway? She’s my best friend, and I’m not even gay !”

You know she didn’t mean it like that , but something about the way she yelled the last part at the teenage boy came with a sort of venom — as if “gay” was synonymous with “bad.”

“You know what, Wanda? I’m done with this argument. You choose now : me or Y/N.”

That took Wanda aback, “What?”

“You heard me.”

“No, Vision,” she began. “That’s not fair, I refuse to choose between you and my best friend.”

“Either you choose me, and we can continue dating, or you choose her .”

A moment passed. In an attempt to not outwardly demonstrate the pain, you clamped your eyes shut. Honestly, you were about to walk away, accept defeat, and simply pretend this night never happened in the first place; you would have let her know later that it was alright, that if she wanted him, she could have him without someone like her standing in her way. Before she could move her feet to leave, however, she heard Wanda finally speak: “Fine, then. I choose her.”

Upon her decision being made, you finally looked up with wide eyes. Vision had the same wide eyes as you, but his face was paling from the initial rageful red that painted it moments earlier. Now, you shared two things with him: your love for Wanda and the visible shock that she chose you over him. It took every fiber of your being to not smile, as you knew now was not the time to celebrate such a victory.

Before another poisonous comment could be passed between the two, Tony stepped through the crowd that had surrounded you three. “Okay, man. That’s enough. Let’s go,” he ushered Vision away from the scene.

The crowd dissipated, leaving your best friend standing there alone. You took their exit as an opportunity to make sure Wanda was alright. You tried to reach out to her, to touch her shoulder. Maybe it was to pull her into one of your two’s infamously tight hugs; maybe it was to just let her know you were just there . You don’t know why you reached for her, but you didn’t really think before acting since it just felt like the most natural thing to do for you. Immediately, your hand was shrugged off by the brunette. Your body began to feel hot, and tears started to form in your eyes. You refused to cry, though, instead choosing to look down at your feet once more and begin your journey back home.

Within minutes you were back in the comfort of your own bed. With a harsh swallow, you continuously replayed the events of tonight over and over again. You laid there, reminiscing on just how utterly humiliated and alone you felt.

Even then in your state of depression and self-pity, you only hoped Wanda was doing okay.

Wanda left the party soon after you did. Similarly, she went home and found herself collapsed in her bed.

She didn’t bother changing out of her clothes, nor did she take off her makeup. Internally, she wishes that the bed would swallow her in order to leave the ramifications of tonight as a “potential” occurrence rather than an “actual.” She just doesn’t understand why: why he would do something like that; why the universe hates her; why she turned you away when she knew you did nothing wrong.

A brief, soft knock at her bedroom door removed her from her cyclical round of thoughts. “Come in,” she whispered, not trusting her voice to carry across the room like it usually does. 

The door creaked open slowly, revealing her twin brother standing on the other side. “Hey, сестра,” he began, approaching her bed with caution and sitting beside where her legs laid. “How are you doing?” [sestra | sister]

She doesn’t acquire the information about how exactly he learned about the events of tonight, perhaps from some friends of his that went to the party. Instead, she chuckled humorlessly, “How do you think I feel, Pietro? I think I just lost my best friend and the guy I liked in one night.”

“‘The guy you liked’? You mean, Vision?” he wondered. “Honestly, I didn’t like him anyway. You didn’t lose much on that front. But, what happened with Y/N? You guys never fight.”

“I don’t even know, Pietro. One minute, we’re just dancing and having fun because you know Y/N — she never comes to parties. I wanted to make the most of the night. As we were dancing, though, Vision walked up to us, stole me from her, and just kissed me. Not only was it without my consent and out of spite, but it was just gross.”

The latter statement made the twin brother laugh. She continued, “I pulled away quickly because I was just so angry , you know? Like why did he think he could just do that? So, I asked him, which caused us to have an argument in the middle of the party. In the end, he gave me an ultimatum: him or Y/N. Of course, I chose her because… I don’t know, Y/N is Y/N.”

He sat there next to her, listening intently. He sighed, “Yeah, but what happened between you and Y/N ?”

She closed her eyes, “I don’t know .” The statement wasn’t a lie because she truly did not understand why she reacted the way she did towards you, her best friend. The tears started flowing again, soon turning into a set of sobs that ultimately racked her body. Her brother swiftly leaned down, taking his sister into his arms; she continued to cry into his chest for what felt like hours.

After some time had passed, the sobs slowed down and transformed into sniffles. Pietro looked down at his sister, “What’s wrong?”

She refused to look up, but she knew she had to get this off her chest. “Pietro,” she released in a single breath. He affirmed to her to continue, “I think… I think I’m gay.” There was another beat of silence before she slowly proceeded once more, “I think I like Y/N.”

There it was: the beast of the truth that was unknowingly weighing her down was finally released. 

If it was even possible, Pietro pulled her closer in his embrace. Though he was aware that discussions of sexuality were becoming increasingly accepted and treated as an insignificant portion of someone’s life, he also knew that this was a big deal for her . He acknowledged such a fact, “I’m proud of you, Wanda, and I’m glad you told me, especially because I know it must have been difficult for you to realize and go through this on your own — even without Y/N… is this what caused the rift between you two? Did you tell her, and she rejected you?”

She scoffed, “Quite the opposite, actually; Vision accused her of liking me — which she probably doesn’t — but I just stood there, screaming at him that we were ‘just friends’ and that I ‘wasn’t even gay.’ You should’ve seen her when I shrugged her away after, Pietro. She looked so hurt . I hurt her.”

“You want to know how to fix this?” he asked, quickly followed by a confident nod from her. “You have to talk to her. Even if she didn’t like you, this is not something to lose such a close friendship over. For the record, though, she does like you. I’ve seen the way she looks at you, and that is definitely someone in love.”

Her head snapped up at the accusation, meeting the smirk that was plastered on his face. If he was right, she really messed up. She urgently needed to see you, to tell you once and for all how she truly feels about you; thus, she told her brother that she was going to find you and left him and his smirk behind.

Wanda didn’t have a clue about what she was going to say when she saw you; she didn’t have a script, nor did she have any guidelines to follow. She just knew she had to see you , only then would everything make sense for her.

You were on the verge of sleep when you could feel the vibrations coming from your phone. In a sleepy haze, you picked up the phone. The brightness made you unexpectedly squint your eyes, but the Caller ID was unmistakable: Wanda Maximoff. 

You weren’t sure what exactly to do in this situation. On one hand, you knew you could not face another rejection, specifically from her. It would probably break you beyond repair. On the other hand, you could never say no to Wanda, even if it meant answering her calls at the most random times of the day. 

So, you shakily tapped the green button and pulled the phone close to your ear.

“Hello? Y/N?” you could hear Wanda ask on the other side of the line.

“Hi,” you responded back. Wanda noted how soft your voice sounded. Normally, she would consider such softness an adorable trait of yours, but she knows the reason behind it. She knows it was her fault that you felt insecure at that moment.

“I’m– Um, I’m outside; can you come downstairs to open the door?” Wanda asked. Now, you were almost completely awake; the question made you raise your eyebrows in astonishment. 

Despite your initial surprise, you muttered a quiet approval that you would meet her at the door and made your way downstairs. 

To say you were nervous was an understatement. You don’t know what she’s going to say to you. You unlock the door and reach for the handle of the door, slowly turning it and pulling the wooden door towards you until you’re able to see Wanda on your front doorstep. Even with the low amount of yellow light coming from the bulb outside the door and the makeup visibly smeared on her face (probably from crying, you note), all you can think about is just how pretty she looks.

Her eyes look up to meet yours, causing your breath to hitch for a second. You weren’t certain about how to go about this, “Uh, do you want to come in? We’d have to go up to my room quietly because my parents are home.”

She accepted the invite, nodding her head hesitantly. The two of you walked upstairs, through the hall, back to where you had initially been laying in your bed and wallowing in your pity. You got back in your bed and crossed your legs as you sat against the headboard. Wanda, however, did not sit alongside you like she usually does; instead, she paced around your room. It was obvious that she was stuck in a state of stress and anxiety that you had never seen, even when she failed that one test back in sophomore year.

Your eyes trailed back and forth as you observed her pacing; suddenly, she came to a stop in front of the bed. Her body was not facing you, rather it faced the way that she had been walking moments prior. She started to play with the rings littered on her various fingers, which you had learned early on that it was a nervous habit of hers. You chose to remain quiet and to let her speak when she was ready due to the evidently difficult subject matter, but you couldn’t help your own anxiety rising. 

Without looking at you, she finally broke the silence: “I need to tell you something, Y/N. I need to tell you a few things, actually. I’m not sure how you’ll react, but I also know that you didn’t deserve what happened to you tonight, to be put in that situation. You deserve more than that; honestly, you deserve everything good, and I’m so sorry that I put you through that. I completely understand if you don’t want to talk to me or be friends with me anymore, but I would not forgive myself if I didn’t at least try to salvage us.”

You sat silently in shock but continued to let her speak: “I thought I knew myself. In fact, I was so sure I did. Yeah, I may not have known the answer to some stupid math equation in school, but I knew the kind of clothes I preferred to wear, my favorite food to eat when I’m sad or stressed out, my go-to karaoke song. I thought I knew myself , inside and out. But, I don’t, or at least not as well as I thought I did. And, honestly? That’s freaking me the fuck out because, if I don’t know myself , how can I know anything else? I know that probably makes no fucking sense, but… yeah. I’m just really scared right now, but I talked to Pietro, which helped a bit. Um, he was right. Vision was right.”

Your face fell. You thought this was it, she was finally going to reject you and leave you. 

In the deafening silence swirling around the two of you in your bedroom, she eventually decided to look at you. She saw the way your body sagged, how utterly defeated you looked; the brunette realized that you took her statement in the wrong way, “No! No! No! I didn’t mean it like that! Fuck ! I’m fucking this up. Okay, no, Vision is not right about anything other than the fact that I don’t like him. I don’t like boys… Truthfully, I’m not sure. I just feel so confused and stupid for not realizing such a big thing sooner. That’s what I meant when I said I thought I knew myself: I thought I knew that I liked boys, which I feel like is something that many people know from the beginning.”

“So, you’re… gay?” you quietly asked. You might be almost as confused as Wanda claimed to be.

You watched as the brunette nodded slowly, “I think so? As I said, I don’t know.”

“Okay,” you bit your lip, concentrating on forming something insightful to say next. “Thank you, Wanda, for telling me. I know how difficult and confusing it all is — believe me. Some people figure it out relatively early; others don’t realize it until they’re married with kids. There’s no timeline to any of it, okay? I know we’re kind of in this weird state right now because of tonight, but no matter what, I’d always support you.”

In a brief moment of confidence, Wanda turned her head to face you. You could see the water in her eyes that threatened to fall, her lip beginning to quiver. You rapidly stood up and walked over to her. With the two of you finally facing each other within a two-foot radius, she threw herself at you, wrapping her arms tightly around your neck. Your arms found their way to her waist, snaking around her and finding placement on her back. Both of you kept holding on tighter and tighter, afraid the other would try to leave. You could feel her chest rising and falling relatively fast as she cried into your neck and shoulder, repeating the phrase “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.”

You removed one hand from her back; instead, you placed it on her head. With a trembling hand, you tread your fingers through her long hair. In an attempt to calm her down, you whisper things of assurance like “It’s okay,” “You’re okay,” or “It’s going to be alright.” You’re not confident they worked, but you could feel her breathing begin to slow down again. You moved the hand from her hair to her shoulder and pulled back in order to ensure she was okay enough to continue; shifting from the shoulder to her hand, you grasped it and squeezed. 

You moved to sit on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to you. Wanda was noticeably apprehensive, but she sat anyway.

“Are you okay?” you inquired, your eyebrow slightly raised in concern.

“Yeah, I am. At least, I will be eventually,” she trailed off. “There’s one more thing, though… probably the hardest for me to tell you out of all of them.”

Your eyebrows raised slightly as your interest peaked, but you knew to stay quiet again. She proceeded, “I told you that I don’t like men, implying that I do like women, which is true to an extent, I guess. Um, but it’s not ‘women' as in plural. All I know is that I like one, but I’m not sure how she feels about me. I want to tell her so badly so that we could try to be more or something, but I don’t know if she feels the same. I just don’t want to ruin us.”

You nodded your head for her to continue, “Can– Can I ask which lucky girl caught your eye?”

She moved her gaze upwards, resulting in your eyes locking once more. You could tell she was battling with herself internally about whether or not to answer with the truth, for she was harshly biting her lip. Yet, what you didn’t expect was her quiet, albeit one-word, response: “You.”

At this moment, with your eyes locked and her confession having been spoken, you swear your heart skipped a beat. Wanda Maximoff, your best friend and untold love of your life, just admitted she liked you as more than a friend.

Her eyes grew concerned and her face paled since you weren’t responding. “Please, say something… Y/N?” she pleaded.

If there was a time to deal all of your cards on the table, this was it: “I like you, too, Wanda. In fact, I love you. I love you so much, Wanda Maximoff. You don’t have to say it back or whatever; I know tonight has been a lot for you to deal with, but I’ve just wanted to say that to you for so long.”

A toothy grin grew on her face, reaching from ear to ear, “Really?”

“Yes, really. Um, can I kiss you? You don’t have to say ye—“

You were stopped effectively and prematurely when a pair of lips touched yours. Not just any lips, though; they were the softest , purest pair that was owned by your love , Wanda Maximoff. It’s slow at first, neither one of you sure of the other’s boundaries and not wanting to cross wherever they lie. But, as your lips part further allowing her to deepen the kiss, you just think, Wow.  

You continue to kiss her for a minute or two before you’re out of breath and need to pull back for air. Before she can pull back completely, you give her a quick peck on her rosy lips that was probably filled with more intimacy and confidence than that initial kiss.

Pulling the brunette closer to you, you lean down and get the two of you comfortable in your bed. You’ve cuddled like this before during past nights where one of you spent the night with the other girl: you as the big spoon and her as the little one. You deeply appreciated nights like these, but you loved them even more so now that they hold a different context.

Your hand finds its spot on her hip, going beneath the shirt she wore. The two of you know it’s nothing sexual in nature, rather it’s a result of your need to just feel her. As you both began to nod off to sleep with your thumb continued to rub circles on her soft skin, you heard her voice call your name softly once more, “Y/N?”

“Yeah, Wands?”

“I love you, too.”

End.

#wanda maximoff x reader #elizabeth olsen x reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff #marvel imagines #limarieb #limarieb wanda maximoff

[headspace-hotel]

I think a critical flaw in the vegan’s user’s argument was that they clearly buckled down on how capitalist exploitation and overproduction factors into milk and meat markets… and then seemed to assume that vegan diets avoid capitalist pitfalls completely.

But you’ve already posted on your blog before about how crop production under capitalism has created huge environmental issues in terms of biodiversity, depletion of topsoil, and sustainability. Meaning even a non-animal diet can (especially on the scale necessary for every human being currently in existence) still create large-scale issues if that diet demands having specific foods in abundance to avoid eating meat.

Like, I’m sympathetic to what vegans want to do, it just feels like they’re ignoring a MASSIVE number of pressing logistical and environmental issues to push that agenda. There’s several intersecting problems here, and claiming humanity as a whole is poised to chuck eating animals completely seems to be jumping the gun.

This is basically exactly what I hope to convey to people. I feel like extremely pressing issues such as topsoil loss, pesticide and herbicide use, and pollution caused by nitrogen fertilizers, not to mention the severe biodiversity impacts of monoculture, are being disregarded in favor of a very simplistic "Meat is killing the Earth" argument.

And I think the "veganism to save the earth" idea is just...distracting, as a movement. I'm glad people are motivated to do it. I don't think it's bad. But we need people to take action beyond just Buy Product. Anyone telling you that the most important action you can take is Buy Different Product does not have your best interest, or the planet's best interest, in mind.

If you're eating a plant based diet, but your only relationship with your food is Buy Product, you are still alienated from the source of your food. You still don't know, and can't respect or care for, the ecosystem or the labor that gives it to you.

My agenda is far more along the lines of "society needs to be organized so more people are directly involved in growing food that feeds their community" than anything to do with animals, but it's clear to everyone who has studied it for 2 seconds that farming needs to change hugely and it's so, so much more complicated than "farming animals is bad, farming plants is good."

Also the fact is that veganism cuts you off from sources of nutrients that have been part of virtually every human society ever, a LOT of people have disabilities, allergies or nutrient absorption issues that mean going vegan isn't possible for them, and people who try to argue with me about this simply Stop knowing how to read when this is brought up. "Some people need animal protein to live" is a reality of the world but people who don't like this straight up refuse to consider it.

I have no food allergies or sensitivities, and I still struggle to eat enough food to live. I lost thirty fucking pounds in college because of stress, the dining hall being shit, and my roommate trying to control my eating habits (long story). Thats like...well over 1/5 of my body weight. Sometimes people Cannot restrict their diet safely.

Like, sure, I 85% agree with the vegans who like to comment on my posts, but the remaining 15% of things they say is completely insane.

And some of them are so out of touch with reality that they will swear up and down that it's impossible for humans to drink milk without someone having to murder a baby animal. They seem to think farming is exclusively some kind of horror show that happens in a warehouse somewhere, and don't understand the concept that "some people live in rural areas" or "it's not uncommon in some places to just keep a few dairy goats that provide milk for your family."

And if they admit this exists, it's like "well, that's not where your dairy comes from, because the INDUSTRY—" thats. that's my point, you can get milk from a farmer who keeps a small herd that is well treated, we should start doing this actually, you can even keep your OWN goat

my ideal world involves "backyard chickens and goats are legal in suburban areas where there's space" because there's literally nothing innately unethical about keeping a couple dairy goats or healthy heritage breed chickens and you can quote me on that and you can even fight me.

That one person (the one who kept bringing up eating poop) (Lord what a sentence to have to write) eventually turned to "Well those sources are wrong because governmental organizations want you to keep eating animal products" which is already well into "conspiracy theory" territory. No thanks.

#weight loss tw

[unquietspiritao3]

musings on rpf

Been thinking a lot about RPF since the CoC3 outtakes. I think because it’s brought me a very small bit of exposure with people who aren’t familiar with the concept, and I also know from talking to friends that for many of them, Taskmaster is their first RPF fandom.

There are a lot of misconceptions about RPF and people who write it, and there’s both healthy and unhealthy ways to approach it. All this stuff that I, as a Fandom Old and veteran RPF writer, know and take for granted, but that other people may not have worked out yet. So I thought I should write some of it out explicitly, as best I can.

(And, too, part of this is me thinking, What would I want to convey if someone who inspired one of my stories reached out to me for a direct conversation about it? Not that I think that would ever or should ever happen, but it’s hard not to think about when you’ve had an experience like this.)

The biggest misconception is that RPF comes from unhealthy parasocial relationships. (I’m specifying ‘unhealthy’ because there are actually healthy ways to have a parasocial relationship, and nearly everyone has at least one. Other people have written about this in more detail here and here.) I’m not denying that in some cases, this misconception could be true, but by and large, the circle containing the fans who have an unhealthy parasocial relationship with a celebrity and the circle containing the fans who write RPF about said celebrity are a Venn diagram without much overlap. By and large, RPF writers are not delusional. By and large, we are incredibly aware of the difference between the real person and the character we’re writing, and we do not want to violate that real person’s boundaries. (If they want to go to AO3 and read fic titles and summaries—and perhaps more—then that’s their choice, of course.)

Taking myself as an example, I’ve talked here before about how I jumped into writing in the Taskmaster fandom with a very basic knowledge of the comics’ lives off-screen. I don’t feel particularly attached to any of them. I don’t feel like I know them. Even with James Acaster, whom I know the most about (the majority of it learned after I started writing!) and whom I relate to the most, I don’t imagine that we could be ‘friends’ or whatever if we met. In fact, I sometimes suspect I wouldn’t like him much if I knew him in real life. That’s not what this is about.

Another misconception is that all RPF is porn. Okay, yes, almost all of my Taskmaster fic is rated Explicit, and a lot of it is kinky porn. But there is a reason for that, which I’ll get to at the end of this little essay. Also, yes, Taskmaster RPF in general is extremely kinky, but I don’t think anyone can seriously argue that we are projecting that energy onto an entirely sweet, innocent, wholesome show. Anyway, the point is, there’s plenty of non-explicit RPF. Including most of what I wrote before Taskmaster. That’s not what this is about, either.

What is it about, then? For me, ultimately, it’s about the same thing any creative project you make and put out into the world is about. It’s saying, “Here’s something of me. Do you relate to it?”

The celebrity it’s based on only provides a germ of inspiration, taken from something in their public persona which I relate to. To fill out the character, I water that little seed with things from my own life or simply musings on human nature, and then I put that character in a situation I find interesting and see what grows. Keeping the name/likeness/biographical details (to an extent) of the celebrity is simply a shortcut to finding the other people who might relate when I put it out in the world.

You see, my goal for my RPF is not to have the celebrity read it. If they’re going to be bothered by it, I hope they don’t read it. I certainly don’t want anyone sending it to them or anything like that. While it was hilarious for Alex to say what he did, and it’s been a positive experience overall, I never expected or wished for it to happen.

My goal, especially with explicit and kinky porn like ‘A big boy like you’, is to let my readers know, If you see yourself in this, it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with you. And to get that same feedback in return.

#meta #being perceived

[byclairs]

Lucas's arc seemed like he deserved to be put in his place and recognize that he was wrong for believing he could hope for better? And they did not even focus in his character that much. Most people say Mike has a spectacular forced conformity storyline waiting for s5 when we had a forced conformity storyline for Lucas but it was so sloppily written. I thought the forced conformity narrative is suppposed to be written good in any case for poc too, not just for your white character that you send a message with.

it feels like the duffers just don’t care enough to convey a cohesive message for lucas’ arc and/or don’t know how because on the one hand they’ve acknowledged several times the racism he faces both on and outside the show so they can’t even play dumb and yet they then constantly downplay what he goes through and so you end up with scenes like the end of s4 where he basically learns to know his place or whatever like..lucas is not in same boat as someone like mike who’s mainly bullied for being a nerd. he’s ostracized in a way that mike and dustin will literally never understand but the show almost never makes any attempt to show how he deals with that yet it’s explicitly talked about in an official book from his perspective (and i know lucas on the line is not technically canon but it’s still tied to netflix/st and if they had someone in the writer’s room who could’ve incorporated even part of the type of material from the book into the show i think it would’ve done wonders to flesh out his story) like i’m sorry if you’re gonna acknowledge that his situation is different than the rest of the party’s then you need to put more care into following through with that because the whole “i thought i wanted to be like you—popular, normal” scene was just..it felt like they were insinuating his main reason for joining basketball was just to be cool when we know it’s a lot more complex than that; he was trying to protect not only himself but his friends too even though they don’t face the same shit he does. and possibly even enjoy something new in the process god forbid. and you would think that he was ditching his friends and other interests for the basketball team when that’s not what happened at all? like he never started acting aloof with them or ignoring them, he was still very much in hellfire and he never turned his back on them he even used his status on the team to lure them away from where eddie was hiding even though everyone was saying he killed chrissy and lucas didn’t know what was going on yet. he never let his desire to fit in turn him into someone unrecognizable who needed to be taught a lesson and that’s why it pisses me off so bad that he was made to feel this deep regret in the end as if he made some huge mistake that he learned from because in reality he’s never been anything short of a loyal friend or strayed from his morals. and to top it all off mike and dustin get off the hook without having reflect on how they hurt lucas because apparently you should never support your friends unless you fully understand and agree with the things they want 👍🏼 idk.

i also think his conflicting feelings about helping his (ex) girlfriend deal with her grief for her canonically racist brother who traumatized and literally almost killed him would’ve been really interesting and important to explore especially since that most likely relates to the reasons he started feeling like it was urgent to fit in more in the first place but. none of that because this boy’s feelings are never taken into account

i also think everyone should read all of this

#and as far as mike stans go well if everything revolves around him in s5 and the writing for every other character was shit they’d still #call st the greatest show ever written and be dead serious about it so that’s what i’ll say about that lmao #so yeah this is all just my thoughts but i’d say the audience’s reception of lucas is equally their fault for not extending him the same #sympathy and interest as other characters and the writers for refusing to put more time and care into his storylines #*their own fault #asks #my brain is so fried for real right now sorry if this is super annoying to read

[imsickofpasswords]

A theory of the Ineffable Plan.

By elsamirrre5322 on YouTube

Realistic_Street1312 on Reddit

ParkSeo-Jun on Fandom

Imsickofpasswords on Tumblr

(Yes, all me!)

Book of Genesis 1–11: And God said: 'Let us make man in our image"

From Neil Gaiman’s MAster Class: When you tell a story, it is crucial that you completely believe in what you're writing

Hi, Good Omens's fellow victims! Like so many, I have been trying to cope with Eternity (I mean the dreadful period between season 2 and, either season 3, or my personal Armageddon.) That rotting brain of mine came up with a theory regarding the message that Good Omens (book and show) is striving to convey. What is it that Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman believe in so hard, as human beings and writers, that they want the whole world to understand it? Well, what I found, whether or not it is accurate, is at least beautiful. So I wish to share it with you.

Before I begin and you accuse me of pedantry, know that my every sentence begins with an invisible imho.

***

Since there is no way around it, I'll talk about the ship and the cruel, heart-wrenching, forever traumatizing, law-should-forbid-that-kind-of-things, cliffhanger. No matter how hard I think, this ship is the most beautiful love story ever (yes, imho). Is it because it doesn't involve burning passion, emphatic confessions and great sacrifices? It's about beings who harbor the same inner values but underwent such different trials that their personalities ended up diametrically opposed. Their love (and loneliness) pulls them together and allows them to rub off on each other, but they still retain their identities and won't go against their principles for the sake of the relationship. In the fight, they both proposed to each other, I mean proposed, like, let’s get married. And neither of them got rejected. They both wanted to be together, and made that part perfectly clear. What they declined was the terms of the contract. Either Crowley going back to pretending he trusts Heaven’s institution, or Aziraphale abandoning his faith. They both expect to be loved for who they truly are and believe in. And of course, this is exactly what they will achieve… True love instead of the illusion of love. First prediction in my Silly and Hopeful Book Of Prophecies.

***

Having taken the mammoth out of the room, I’ll explain my theory.

Whilst reading the book, I realized that the original story was never that of Aziraphale and Crowley (worry not, I have plenty to say about them…). It was that of Adam (originally, William the Antichrist) and the Them. More than that, it’s a saga about humanity achieving its full potential.

***

God

Of course, we should begin with God, since God created humanity, the universe(s) and the rules by which everyone and everything must abide. So. Who is God? Well if I could answer that, I'd probably know how to make a whale. I don't know how to make a whale. But certainly there are things we know, or can guess about God.

First, she (I’m a woman and it makes me obscenely happy to write “she” here) is the narrator. Second, she does not play dice with the universe. The first fact means that God can see everything, down to an angel and a demon drinking solidly for two hours, or a nightingale singing in Berkeley square. Second statement means there is no such thing as chance or hazard in that universe of hers. Everything happens for a reason.

It sounds like God wrote everything, everyone's destiny, like Gaiman and Pratchett did for their characters. Crowley says so himself. Humanity, Aziraphale, Crowley, everybody, they are all characters in the book called The Great Plan.

I think God injected herself in her own story under the disguise of Agnes Nutter. Only God can always be right.

So, here we have Gaiman and Pratchett hiding behind God, and God hiding behind Agnes Nutter. The Bible turned into The Great Plan, and then into a book of prophecies.

But what kind of person is God? Is She compassionate, loving, merciful? Yes. I firmly believe that. Err… Wait. Same God that drowned almost everybody, goats included, and wanted to kill Job's children… and goats!

“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why God? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off.”

― Stephen King, Storm of the Century.

Yes. Same God who never failed to prove herself a master torturer, a mass murderer and a serial killer in a single package. How do I reconcile both sides? Death… is only temporary! I mean, Jesus could bring Lazarus back, Adam resurrected a fuckton of people, and Crowley easily performed miracle escapes. Maybe death isn't the terrible thing we think it is… (except for Nazis? But Nazis aren’t really human, are they?) As for Job's children and goats, God knew that Crowley was around, up to no evil…

Having said that, I remember Stephen King writing something else. Whoever remembers that quote, let me know. Something like this: " If God created everything, then It must rule over both Good and Evil. If It only rules over Good, then there must be someone who rules over it all. I’ll worship that someone as the actual Almighty."

I agree. Good and Evil are like two faces of a coin. Death introduced Itself as the shadow of Creation and states “I’m neither of Hell, nor Heaven”. Evil must be the shadow of Good. And everything is a part of God.

***

The Adams

No, not the family, come on! What would they be doing here? Ah, attending the Second Coming. Come to think of it, it's indeed the kind of event they wouldn’t want to miss…

Anyway, their name is spelled Addams and I’m actually talking about the two Adams of the story. Old Adam, who ate the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden, and young Adam (I mean Adam Young) who steals apples in the garden of his neighbor. As I see it, they are allegories of Humanity.

As Crowley said, most universes come pre-aged, while this one will be allowed to grow. In the same way, Humanity is a species that will be allowed to grow. What ever for? Entertain God? Eternity does sound boring. Certainly a God could use a good laugh once in a while… But Nah. What do people do when they're bored with their lives? Hint: not their best idea? They have children! (or pets. Pets is a good idea…)

At the beginning, Adam and Eve are all of Humanity. They can't tell good from evil as they haven't experienced anything yet. Despite looking like full grownups, they are still babies. Crowley designed, not a star factory, but a fancy wallpaper indeed, for… a nursery.

Now, how is Baby Humanity supposed to grow? Crowley! Good ol’ Crowley! His temptation is the first opportunity to exercise free will. It’s the first lesson and the reason why the apple isn't at the top of a mountain or on the Moon. Choose for yourself, and see what happens. By eating the forbidden fruit, Adam and Eve don't actually get any knowledge of right or wrong. The first sin marks the beginning of the teenage rebellion that is necessary to grow beyond what was taught. Everything that comes after is like an initiation rite. A six-thousand year long initiation rite with angels and demons along the way as teachers and… the end of the world as a final test.

At the end of season one, Adam Young is back to being human. He represents Humanity at a later stage. An almost fully grown humanity that has learnt a lot (too much?) about free will. Once again, it takes Crowley’s intervention (just slightly motivated by the idea of Aziraphale’s threat never to talk to him again…) to push Adam towards the right path. Note that I didn’t write the good path. I meant the right path, the one that wasn't created for him even before he was born, I mean the path he made for himself.

The main difference between Old Adam and Adam Young deserves to be stressed here. Adam Young’s education was provided by other humans, his parents, his friends, Anathema… It means in 198X any random human is that evolved, already. The question is, how did Humanity reach this level of knowledge? And power?

Yes, power. Armageddon was stopped by… whom exactly? Humans! Humans only. Anathema, Newt, the Them. Meanwhile, Aziraphale and Crowley were gonna kill the Antichrist, a kid! A KID! And who stopped them? Madame Tracy, a stupid (I’m not the one saying), psychic, Jezebel-of-Babylon with a good heart. A nobody? No. A human.

***

The education of Humanity.

Let's stop to notice that Crowley and Aziraphale are adoptive parents from the get go, watching the kids anxiously from afar, wondering if they actually fulfilled their respective mission as an angel and a demon, not knowing that having kids goes way beyond giving them toys and feeding them applesauce. It's a life sentence. Your kids will always call you at ungodly hours, seeking comfort after a nightmare, no matter how grown up they are. There’s no escaping to Alpha Centauri, and forgetting about them!

What I find interesting is who Aziraphale and Crowley are, and how meaningful it would have been if God had actually chosen them to be the Godfathers of Humanity.

Crowley is the one who questions everything, right? And how does one learn? Through questions. Those who have children know what I'm talking about (no wonder God won't raise her kids herself, being humans or Jesus🙄). It is often said that Science (Man-made god) replaced God. And how does science work? Yes, questions again ! Goddamn, annoying, neverending, pain-in-the-neck questions… Curiosity is the first tool. It's curiosity Crowley injected into Eve, to tempt her into eating the apple.

Crowley is also the one who would suggest a suggestion box. Because he has… IMAGINATION…(here, you need to picture Aziraphale turning a turnip into… an INKWEEEELL… ). IMAGINATIOOOON…. That ability is very, very important. Should I say paramount? God being a writer, possibly a mixture of Pratchett and Gaiman, she can only treasure imagination. Imagination is what created Good Omens. Imagination is what allowed Crowley to stay in his burning car. It was Adam's tool to change reality. Human imagination brought War, Famin and Pollution to life and it's human imagination again, that of three quite ordinary kids, that destroyed them. Not a flaming sword, not an angel, not a demon, mere humans gifted with imagination. And free will. Gifts from a fairy godmother named Crowley.

Aziraphale? Aziraphale didn’t come empty-handed either.

Was he just passing by, fortuitously, when Crowley called out for help? Is it pure coincidence that they created the universe together in a no-sex-involved-whatsoever fashion? I mean, the higher-ups designed universes, universes, man! Big, complicated, extremely sophisticated things, but they couldn’t think of a system that’d be set into motion by a single angel? Come on… And was it just a hazard that Crowley and Aziraphale ended up together on Earth, with the mission of thwarting each other? (Balancing each other?)

No dice. What, then? Crowley is the darker shades of gray. Aziraphale is the lighter part of the spectrum. And God knows that. God knows that Aziraphale isn't as white as he looks, although he does look very white. How does she know that? Because she checked. And several times, if I were to guess. God sees everything. And yet, she asked Aziraphale what happened to the flaming sword. When he lied his way out, she could have punished him, but she just went quiet. She wanted to know 1) if he would lie, if he would dare stand up to Her to protect the children, and 2) if he would trust his inner compass.

Aziraphale has other strong suits. He’s very gay and bubbly, and fluffy, and fun, and embarrassing, and endearing, and adorable, and… yes, I’m in love with him, say you aren’t. At the same time, he is quite strong-minded and aware of being Crowley’s soft spot. He can have his demon do things to please him (to a certain extent), with just a cute glance or a frown. He is Crowley’s anchor.

What’s more, Aziraphale is very conservative, and not just where fashion and music are concerned. He has unwavering faith in God (I mean God, not the institution of Heaven) and nothing, not his love for Humanity, not his love for crêpes, not even his love for Crowley (not sure about the order here), will change that.

Last but not least, our favorite angel is intelligent. (Since it’s Pratchett and Gaiman saying so, it must be true.) He is the ONLY one to point out the existence of the Ineffable Plan. And the ONLY one to figure that it might diverge from the Great Plan. Without the need to hear it, he feels what the ineffable plan is. And that’s why he trusts God. Although he is able to admit the error of his ways, I don’t think he’ll be doing the "you were right” dance this time around. Third prediction. (Boy, do I wish that one isn’t accurate…)

Aziraphale and Crowley were chosen as godfathers because, together, they are the perfect balance, they are black and white and the entire spectrum in between. And somewhere in this spectrum is the most important thing in the universe. Although the ingredients may have been the same, I don't think Aziraphale and Crowley were created with the same recipe as the other angels. Neil just revealed on Tumblr that Aziraphale and Crowley together are a circle. They are perfection. This circle is what God wants for her children. A mind that has no beginning and no end, a God-like mind.

Aziraphale and Crowley intuitively know that. It’s the reason why they turn into an evil nanny and a good-hearted gardener, in hope their combined influences will make a real human being out of the Antichrist. It’s easy for them. Because, this is what they’ve been doing from the beginning! They spent their entire time on Earth playing the nanny and the gardener! For not one kid, but for all Humanity as a youngster. Aziraphale and Crowley are masters at it and it’s thanks to them that Humanity has learnt so much. Pay attention, it looks like they didn't do much, in the end, to prevent Armageddon. But they raised the kids who prevented Armageddon. Of course, the ineffable husbands got some help.

Earlier, I mentioned angels and demons being teachers. They’re all doing the same job, infusing humanity with both Good and Evil through temptations and blessing, having them make choices and watch the outcome. Here, I must say that in the story, (and in History) it feels like demons have all the easier parts, as their pupils seem to always be way ahead of them, from pretty much the beginning. “Yes, always this easy”.

“Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.” ― Terry Pratchett.

When Crowley creates the universe, what comes first? Darkness. He has to summon light into it to reveal the marvels it contains. Are humans like that? Darknesses that require some light (not too much, otherwise they’d go as blind as angels) to unravel their actual beauty? So. Angels bring light. And demons just have to make sure the darkness stays into place? Something like that. But… if angels and demons are both working towards God’s plan, how is it they keep bickering? Stop. Is there a scene, a single scene where they actually argue? I can’t remember a single one… They all want the same thing. Get the bloody job done so everyone can call it a day and go home.

Why then were demons demoted and casted away? Crowley doesn’t even seem to understand what happened to him…

I guess it’s time I talk about the rebellion and the fall.

***

The Principal

The Principal? Who’s that? The one above the teachers, of course! The Metatron!

THAT Metatron… You want to kill him right now, don’t you? You want to peel off his skin with a blunt knife, you… wait, he doesn’t have a skin… and he probably can’t die anyway. You want to drink his soul with the tiniest straw? Tie him to a chair in front of episodes of Dora the explorer? I feel you.

Not sure if the Metatron has a counterpart. In the novel, his counterpart is Beelzebub, but it doesn’t feel like they’re playing in the same league. I mean… God’s voice, right?

There is a theory going around in the fandom that the Metratron has been editing people's past/memories, using the Book of Life. That theory was written by an actual novelist and it did sway me. However, if it were completely true, it would probably bother me. First reason is I don't want what I already saw of Aziraphale and Crowley's first encounter to be fake, even in the slightest. Second reason is… If you have the power to edit people's lives, why be so subtle about it? Or does the Metatron think he can make surreptitious changes that God won't notice? Hm. I don't know. In the novel, The Book of Life doesn't exist. The one who can "arrange matters af is you never even existed" is Adam. Not sure if this goes against the theory or sustains it…

Here are my own theories. Plural. I gave that bastard a lot of thoughts. I’m afraid none of them involve the disparition of the eccles cakes, sorry.

At first, I had a theory in which the Metatron was instrumental in the rebellion and the fall. It went like this. The Metatron is the voice of God, the Spokesman, as Aziraphale put it. Only when God herself initiates a conversation do you get to talk to her directly. Otherwise, you have to go through the Metatron. (The reason why Crowly envies Job’s opportunity to at least "be able to ask the questions") The Metatron may decide to withhold your message AND answer whatever he wants. Could he have used his position to create a cleavage between God and some of her most powerful subjects? What for? To overthrow God and rule in her place. Demons were sent to Earth, of all the horrible places in such a vast universe, so they could draw strength from all the human souls they’d lure to Hell… So they would grow tougher, smarter and more dangerous.

But that doesn’t seem right. God can see everything, remember? Okay, she could be traveling between universes, leaving Metatrons behind, as governors. In that case, of course, things might happen that she doesn’t know of. Even so. She and Satan still talk to each other. They at least met once, when they made that bet about Job. Surely, any misunderstanding would have cleared up then? Besides, in the book, Crowley mentions talking directly to God, although She just smiled instead of answering. I don’t know. I do have another theory of the Metatron though. Way more simple. Everything was set up by God.

God needed teachers for her children, but with angels being all good, better and best, the kids would only have learnt half what they were supposed to know. Besides, how would they make choices? They would just become angels as well. Obedient, boring, sickeningly good angels. God has that already. So, how did God trigger the rebellion? By using the Metatron.

Let‘s take a moment to think about who, or should I say what the Metatron is. He is a voice. All he knows is what God can say. He is oblivious of everything God cannot or doesn’t want to say. By definition, he is that one part of God that can never be aware of the ineffable plan.

I came to think of the Metatron as an AI, with flawless logic. If SF has taught us anything, it’s that any purely logical mind would want to eradicate humanity, seeing it for the nuisance it is. The Metatron must think that God made a mistake. Maybe God went nuts? Eternity with Elgar… it kind of gets at you after a while… Luck of the devil, the Metatron is there to save the day! What’s that universe where angels go around falling in love with each other, anyway? Nonsense! It's all because of humans' malfunctioning minds.

The Metatron’s sacred duty is to destroy humanity, if it is the last thing he does. To achieve that, he sees to it that a certain number of angels go rogue. Then he sends them to Earth so when the second war breaks out, the entire human race will go as collateral damage. In this case, the Metatron is the one who picked the evil teachers. He did the dirty job, unbeknownst to himself.

Another scenario is that the Metratron has nothing to do with the rebellion and is only striving to stick to the Great Plan, after Armageddon went sideways. In that case, God herself picked the teachers.

In both cases, the question is, was there actually a war? We all noticed how vague Crowly is about the fall, even while talking to himself. "Next thing you know i'm going a million light-years, freestyle-dive into a pool of boiling sulfur." And he can’t remember the guys he is supposed to have fought alongside with. There is some memory tempering here, or I don’t know anything. Either no Great War at all, or a war without Crowley. My bet is a war without Crowley. I read something in the book, can't remember what exactly, but I jumped and said “There must have been an actual war!” Besides, one explanation for a disabled angel like Saraqael could be a war wound. I guess?

Crowley sounds like he loves God, as much as Aziraphale does. This scene, where he snakes around his executive chair, saying "You said you’d test them". Maybe it’s just me, but I read hurt and love in his eyes, love for the world? Love for Aziraphale? Love for God? The reason why Crowley is dead set against going back, isn't it because, or partially because he feels he was betrayed by the One he loved and trusted most? I don’t think Crowley could have gone against God and seriously, how much trouble can you get into, just for asking a few questions? But then, if you’re going to submit your questions to the Metatron, who can’t entertain the concept of a flaw in the system…

***

The final tests.

It's like shoving a knife into the heart of a cake to see if it is well cooked. There's no way around the knife I'm afraid. God needs to find out if her children are fully grown humans. But what does this mean for Her? What does it mean, should it mean, for any parent?

It should mean that the young adults are now able to think for themselves, elaborate strategies to survive on their own, fight and overcome whatever life will throw at them, and… become a better version of their parents.

This is no longer high school, lads. This is college. So exams come in two waves. Midterm. The students have to prevent/overcome/survive Armageddon. And they do.

Armageddon didn't happen. Free will happened. Adam refused to follow his predetermined path and asked both sides to stop meddling into people’s affairs so humans can start to think for themselves. His friends rejected the nightmarish world that was left to them as a legacy. Dog became his own dog and is probably playing hide and seek with cats right now. Anathema decided to stop living according to a book written by her ancestor, NO MATTER how useful and accurate the predictions.

Yet another message here. Don’t let people tell you who you are and what you’re supposed to do. Your life and every choice at every turn are yours to make.

Notice that both God and Agnes sort of vanish at the end of season one. Agnes’s book is burnt by Anathema, and God goes silent. As if something happened that changed the course of what was already written. It's like Adam said: what is written doesn't matter. You can always cross it out. The great plan stopped right there.

And the ineffable plan took over. The ineffable plan is written by human beings in a decade-long essay that will decide if they passed the final test or not. (Of course, they pass, the show is called Good omens! Another prediction, gosh I'm so good, this is beginning to scare me!).

At this point, I think God is satisfied already. I mean if God is a writer and her characters achieved enough self-awareness to write their own story, then… they're real! I suspect writers' secret dreams have always been just that. Playing gods, creating universes and bringing characters to life! Not as puppets, but as sentient beings who will do as they please once the author rests their pen (closes their laptop, let’s be modern… but without bebop). I'm sure Sir Pratchett, having tea with Death, is kicking his feet at this very moment, seeing how many fans have fallen in love with either Aziraphale or Crowley or both and are spending so much time imagining the rest of their adventures.

A clue in the book. When Anathema burns the second Book of Prophecies, the smoke takes the shape of a smiling Agnes who winks at the world. I will always wonder if anything was written in that so-called sequel… Agnes wrote her book for her descendants and God wrote the Great Plan for her children. They must both be very proud that their offspring have finally spread their wings!

Now Humanity has cut the strings and gone from puppet to real living being. And that's where the fun begins. Because there is more to being a human than meets the eye. And this is what season 3 will be about. Oh, I know, it doesn't seem like there is an invisible imho. It's because there isn't! XD

***

The Second Coming, or season 3.

The concept of the Second Coming confuses me a great deal. Because of Jesus. The story doesn't seem to really involve Jesus as we know him, the one and only, the miracle doer, the precious son of God. There is a Jesus who ends up on a cross, alright, but no one says anything about him being special or performing miracles or anything. At the same time, there is an Antichrist, miracles measured in lazari and a second coming ( of Christ, I presume?). I went and picked some people's minds on Reddit. They had several interesting opinions, involving the third baby, Greasy Johnson, Muriel being Jesus under cover, and angels not minding the boss's son who only got this far through nepotism.

We see Christ nailed to a cross in the opening credits of season 2 and we see him again on the banner of the resurrectionists. All this considered, it looks very much like Jesus will have something to say about what happens next. I hope not, for it would probably feel like a Deus ex machina to me. That said, I think that the most important thing about Jesus has already been stressed out, his message.

Anyway, Jesus or no Jesus, there should be, as mentioned in the Scriptures, mass extinction, resurrection, judgment and either punishment or reward. Unless… the Scriptures don't apply anymore, since the great plan went down the loo and the new writers certainly don't want to see the world go to ashes. Unless… Wait. Wait a sec. We're talking about… humans! Hh!!!! That's it. We're baked. Literally. Nice knowing you.💀

And so what? What if humans only achieve self-destruction? Their choice. At least they got to choose.

But that's not really what I expect from season 3. Again. Good Omens.

After not-Armageddon, humans were granted a little time to study further. What will they learn? I don't think there can be a not-Second Coming. That would really be underwhelming, not to say disappointing. There has to be a planet-size all-out war at the very least, with pupils going berserk against their teachers (serves them well for highjacking nuclear weapons designed by their students! ) Only when the teachers have bent both knees, can the students show… mercy, kindness, compassion.

Love?

Jesus's message was "be kind to each other". Neither angels nor demons know how to do that. Both are cruel, cold and unforgiving. Heaven wanted to kill Aziraphale just like Hell wanted to kill Crowley. God on the other hand, used Agnes's last prophecy to save them, from what would have been real death…

God is much more than the sum of her angels, Good and Evil. Mixing good and evil triggers a chemical reaction that is the actual secret recipe to God's purest, greatest form of power. Yes. Love.

Aziraphale and Crowley drew enough strength to perform a 25 lazari miracle because they became one AND risked everything to protect their former enemy. They showed compassion and granted forgiveness (not to mention hot cocoa!). Gabriel and Beelzebub only love each other. They're not perfect together. Aziraphale and Crowley grew feelings that go further and run deeper than just romantic love. They experienced and mastered every aspect of love.

Every day, it's getting closer, love like yours will surely come my way…

Love is the last lesson. And the last gift. Now I know it sounds like everybody will end up naked with flowers in their hair… I for one wouldn't mind such a scene… I mean, if it's for the sake of the plot, what can you do?👀

… Anyway, that's how the students, following the example of the masters, embraced both sides of their true nature to become more than Heaven incarnate or Hell incarnate. They learn how to love and pass the final test! Last prediction. Almost last.

***

“There was never an apple, in Adam’s opinion, that wasn’t worth the trouble you got into for eating it”. At the end of the book, (Warning! spoiler ahead!) Adam, "half angel, half devil, all human, is slouching hopefully towards Tadfield.

... for ever."

For. Ever.

Aw, I forgot a gift, I'm afraid… Eating the apple was the path not to death (for man was probably created mortal as everything else). Eating the apple was the path to immortality. Crowley did the right thing. And so did Aziraphale. Adam is immortal because he is a successfully completed human. He's not the only one. They who were created in the image of God, the children of God, have become…

new Gods.

After that? Well… I guess the Bentley will become her own car and go with yellow and the self promise never to play a Queen song, ever again. The new gods may throw Earth into the trashcan since it's worn out anyway. Or maybe they'll restore it? Somehow I'm not afraid for books. I have a hunch that books will survive… Perhaps some of the gods will join the distant lights that "may or may not be stars?" They'll be like seeds, they'll travel through darkness to create new universes, new god factories…

What? Aziraphale and Crowley? They don't have to choose sides anymore. They were always on the same boat. And God loved, loves, them both. They can just love each other and be who they want to be. Adam, who could read Aziraphale and Crowley's minds, said: “I know all about you, don’t you worry”. Everything will be just fine.

What are they doing right now? Not sure. They're writing their own story too. But I guess it involves flying at the speed of light (or the speed of darkness?) to find the best spots for having picnics and reading books and listening to nightingales. I'm sure they'll stop by Paris. Somewhere near my house? I know a nice place for crêpes…;)

#neil gaiman #terry pratchett #aziraphale #crowley

[rhaenella]

You & Me - Rhys Montrose x Reader - Part 19

Part 18 | Part 20

Summary: What happens when reader assassin is tasked with killing the possible future mayor of London; Rhys Montrose. Politician by day, Eat the Rich Killer by night. But he isn’t the only person wearing different masks. 

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Violence, murder, immoral sociopathic behaviour, mentions of alcoholism, drug abuse and neglect, smut

Word count: 5k 

A/N: at the end.

Song: One For My Baby – Frank Sinatra

You ran a hand down the front of your form-fitting black dress, smoothing out non-existent wrinkles, taking a deep breath as you heard the car with Rhys’ driver speed off behind you. Rhys caught your eye then, shooting you a reassuring smile. 

“No need to be nervous,” he whispered into your ear as he placed a hand on your lower back, guiding you towards the back entrance of the Natural History Museum.

Sotheby’s was hosting tonight’s event in the impressive Hintze Hall, inside one of London’s most famous museums. Because, of course they were. It was a blatant display of wealth and power that the aristocrats thrived upon. 

A sudden blinding wave of lightning illuminated Rhys’ handsome features in the dark alley, followed by a loud crack of thunder in the distance. The summer storm had at last arrived, a clear foreboding for a certain attending guest. You wondered if he’d take notice or if he’d be too preoccupied sipping his champagne as he bid on works of art with questionable stories of origin.

“I’m not,” you assured Rhys with a small smile of your own, entering the museum side by side.

And you weren’t, really. You just needed this night to go according to plan, there was no room for error here. Especially with all of the onlookers surrounding you. 

Which is why you’d decided to enter through the backdoor, avoiding the spectacle that would surely ensue if you and Rhys had entered through the front where there was a line of photographers waiting. There was no way you’d be able to stay out of the spotlight tonight, but you’d both agreed that entering in a less conspicuous way would be beneficial. For both of you. Rhys didn’t want to hide you any longer, but he also wasn’t keen to throw you to the lions like that. 

Once you were through the door, a young attendant with an adorable mop of dark curls on top of his head stood at the ready, clutching a tablet and nodding in greeting. 

“Good evening, Mr. Montrose.”

Inwardly, you chuckled. There was no point in even trying to hide. Every single person in this city would surely recognise the man beside you within an instant.

Rhys nodded politely in return and the attendant started scrolling through his electronic guest list. He tapped his screen a few times and that’s when he expectantly looked up at you.

You were about to provide him with your alias that Colin had managed to add to the guest list, quietly hoping that the alias wouldn’t find its way to the press, but Rhys was quick to cut you off.

“You’ll see there’s a plus one next to my name,” Rhys spoke with a knowing lilt to his voice that only you would be able to pick up on.

You stiffened, feeling Rhys rub your lower back in a soothing manner, obviously meant to convey a silent message for you to play along. Apparently all the trouble you had gone through to get Colin to hack Sotheby’s systems had been for naught as Rhys had already taken the assumptive liberty to put himself on the guest list, with you as his plus one, conveniently not telling you about it beforehand. You didn’t dare look at his face for you could literally feel the smugness oozing out of his every damn pore.

“Arrogant,” you muttered under your breath. 

But you knew Rhys had heard you, feeling him teasingly pinch the skin right above your bum. 

Luckily, the attendant hadn’t heard you as he’d scrolled back to Rhys’ invitation, looking up at you both with an apologetic smile. 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Montrose. My mistake, I had missed the annotation.”

“No need to apologise,” Rhys smiled, kind.

“Thank you very much, sir. Lola will lead you to the Hintze Hall. Have a pleasant evening.”

He gestured behind him to a young girl, barely eighteen, who was patiently waiting in the corner for a chance to be of service. You and Rhys thanked the attendant as you walked further inside, following Lola who had stepped out of the shadows with a “please, follow me.”

You walked through the unfamiliar dark corridors of the museum, passing through the Darwin Centre. Although you didn’t frequent the museum often, you still knew exactly where you were, having memorised the museum’s floor plan so you would know it by heart.

You kept your eye on Lola who was a couple of feet in front of you, making sure she couldn’t hear your next words.

“That was a little fucking presumptuous, Rhys,” you whispered accusingly.

“Was it?” Rhys’ eyebrows shot up, feigning innocence. “I figured you’d appreciate it that I eliminated the possibility of one of your aliases getting leaked to the press.”

You gritted your teeth, not able to counter that. You knew he was right, it had been the most prudent course of action. But the fact that he had done so likely days before you had even given your consent for him to join you tonight…

The only thing you could do was shoot him a scolding look. Rhys glanced down at you, amused. 

“Don’t give me that look. We’re in, aren’t we?”

“Right. But you were supposed to be my plus one.”

“Ah, that is true,” Rhys inclined his head. “But since we agreed to an equal partnership early on, I don’t think it should matter much.”

You rolled your eyes, but you were barely able to contain the smile threatening to spread across your features. He was arrogant as hell, but also charming beyond what was good for him, and you sure couldn’t stay ‘mad’ at him for long, or pretend to be at least.

Rhys, of course, immediately noticed the cracks in your facade, deliberately bumping his shoulder with yours. 

“Now, do you?” He added, smiling brightly.

“Oh, stop it,” you grinned.

Rhys chuckled, knowing he’d won. He held out his arm for you to take, which you did with a slight shake of your head just as you made a right turn into the Mammals gallery. 

You were glad Lola kept a brisk pace. You weren’t exactly scared, but the dim lighting did nothing to lessen the eerie feeling of being watched by hundreds of dead animals. Thankfully, you soon emerged on the other side, immediately being able to pick up the noise of a crowd accompanied by the low bass sounds of music. 

You crossed the final corridor, Lola signalling for you to precede her into the Hintze Hall, discreetly withdrawing back into the darkened corridor as she had successfully brought you to your destination. You thanked her with a smile, and you thought you saw a flicker of surprise in her eyes as she obviously wasn’t used to being acknowledged, let alone thanked, by one of the guests. 

It made your blood boil to think that all of these people working here tonight never received a proper thank you or compensation for all the hard work that they did. And it must be hard work, you thought. Dealing with all of these rich arseholes on a regular basis, never in a million years would you be able to manage that job. You’d likely get fired on the first day, unable to keep the scowl off of your face.

But the moment you stepped out on top of the Hintze Hall’s iconic staircase, you couldn’t help but be in slight awe of the striking Romanesque entrance. The partially barrel vaulted ceiling was intricately hand-painted and adorned with relief carvings of a multitude of different types of plants and animals. It was enclosed by a glass ceiling on both the left and the right side. You could distinctly make out that it had started raining cats and dogs outside, meaning you’d made it just in time before you would’ve been absolutely soaked to the bone from the ten seconds it would’ve taken you to get from the car to the museum’s entrance. 

The pelting of the raindrops on the glass ceiling, along with the occasional flash of lightning, contributed perfectly to create an idiosyncratic atmosphere in the hall. The ambient lighting helped with that as well, an almost golden haze blanketing the architecture and the attending guests, leaving space for dark, shadowy corners where one could easily disappear into. How convenient.

A single beam of light effectively accentuated the 25-metres long blue whale that was suspended from the ceiling in the centre of the hall, its length stretching all the way from the front to the back. About two hundred or so people adhering to the mandatory black tie dresscode were mingling beneath the majestic skeleton, sipping their champagne and laughing in that particular way only the posh can manage.

The first of two small stages was set up in the left centre of the hall, where a Frank Sinatra tribute band was playing some of the Rat Pack’s all too familiar tunes. You smiled fondly, always having had a soft spot for his music. And to be honest, it did fit the overall vibe of the event — classy, swanky, but most of all, sophisticated.

The other small stage was set up in the back with a few rows of folding chairs in front of it. Later tonight, everyone would gather there for the bidding. For now, most were still eyeing the pieces for sale. The works of art, ranging from what seemed to be an early Rembrandt to a life-size Bernini sculpture, were displayed beneath the several high arches on both sides of the hall. 

You knew Sotheby’s was one of the oldest and most respected auction houses in the world, but still you wondered about the legality of this event — the most exclusive one of them all. You glanced at Rhys who was busy gauging the crowd, trying to ascertain whether there were any familiar faces among them, friend or foe.

“Why does it feel like we just stepped foot in a sanctioned black market auction?”

Rhys looked at you, the corner of his mouth quirking up slightly. “That’s because we have.”

He nudged you forward and when you started down the grand staircase, it almost felt like you were Cinderella entering the prince’s ball. It was an accurate assessment really, because these people below all lived in a fairy tale world, completely oblivious to the real problems in the secular world around them.

“As long as you have enough money, you can make anything appear to be legal,” Rhys added, gesturing pointedly around him. 

“Yeah, I think you’re right.”

As you stepped foot on the main floor, Rhys effortlessly guided you through the masses, grabbing two champagne flutes off of a tray from a waiter passing by. He handed you one and clinked your glasses with a tip of his head. 

“To change,” Rhys toasted.

You playfully raised a single eyebrow, nonetheless saluting your glass before taking a tentative sip. The sparkling, fruity complexion of the alcohol tasted as delicious as you’d expect it to be served during an event like this.

“And what exactly are you planning to change, Mr. Montrose?” You asked as you sauntered past the various works of art.

Rhys licked his lips, eyes twinkling in the golden light as he leaned into you, pretending to let you in on a carefully kept secret.

“Everything.”

You stopped walking, fully turning to him with that same mischievous look in your eyes.

“Oh, that’s right. You have big plans for this city,” you quoted, spectacularly failing at trying to imitate the deep gravel of his voice. 

“Exactly,” he nodded, grinning.

Surely these big plans of his would have a bit of negative impact on the people attending here tonight. They didn’t know it yet, still rooting for the man who they thought would make them even richer than they already were — a man who was, in their eyes, simply sympathising with the working class to gain their favour in the elections. Oh boy, how they were wrong. In reality, it was the other way around. 

You laughed. “These people aren’t ready.”

“No,” Rhys answered, laughing with you. “They’re certainly not.”

That’s when you noticed you had stopped near the next work of art — a beautifully crafted, bronze statue of a young man. Like a crow catching a shiny object, you dragged Rhys along, trying to get a better look at it up close. Rhys didn’t object, following your lead. 

When you stood in front of the statue, intently reading the little label beside it, you scoffed. Just as you expected. The statue was estimated to date back to the last quarter of the fourth century BCE, around the time of Alexander the Great’s death, also known as the transitional phase of Greek art — the start of the Hellenistic period. 

“Do you know how rare authentic Greek bronze statues are?”

Rhys closely studied the statue in front of him, as if it would somehow provide him with the correct answer. He didn’t know much about Ancient Greek art. Not like you did. At uni, you had successfully completed a minor on the subject, which is why you currently couldn’t believe your eyes. 

“By the tone of your voice I can imagine they’re quite rare,” Rhys murmured. 

“Yes, they are,” you grumbled. “This should be part of a museum collection and studied by experts, preferably in Greece — not disappear into some private collector’s country estate.”

“I agree,” Rhys said, glancing around him. 

You followed his gaze and startlingly realised that the scattered group of people that once stood conversing with one another around the bronze statue, had all turned to stare at the two of you, some even whispering to each other. You froze, not really knowing what to do except for officially saying farewell to your anonymity. Thankfully, Rhys wasn’t so thrown by the sudden interest in you both and he merely raised his half-empty champagne flute in greeting, providing them with his signature, charming smile.

All of them answered with their own forms of greeting, smiling intriguingly, some even moving to make their way over to approach you. That and the stifling nature of their curious stares shook you out of your momentary frozen state. God, you didn’t have time for this. 

You mentally distanced yourself from the, in all likelihood, stolen art around you, as well as these vultures circling you to seize their chance at speaking with the one and only Rhys Montrose. 

You were here with a clear mission — to find Daniel Fernsby, lure him away, and kill him. And that’s what you would be focusing on.

“Rhys, we don’t have time for this. We’ve got to find Fernsby,” you whispered, turning your head so no one would be able to read the words on your lips.

Rhys glanced around him once more, his eyes landing on something behind you as he looked back over his shoulder to the larger hall. 

“I have an idea,” he smirked, taking both of your glasses to deposit them nearby before leading you away from the greedy vultures. 

At least, that’s what you thought Rhys would do. Instead, you quickly found yourselves in the centre of the hall, directly beneath the blue whale and right next to the Sinatra tribute band where people were slow dancing to the music on a provisional dance floor.

Rhys turned to face you as he chivalrously held out his hand. “May I?”

You forced a smile onto your face, begrudgingly accepting his hand, knowing you couldn’t possibly decline as you felt a growing number of eyes on you. What the hell was he thinking? 

Rhys placed his hand on your lower back, pulling you to him as he started to sway you to the music. You rested the hand holding your clutch on his shoulder, your other hand clasping his own. You looked up into his blue eyes that were sparkling with unobstructed delight, knowing full well there was nothing you could do now but follow his lead. 

Why had you accepted his company, again? Oh, that’s right…

“I knew this would be a mistake.”

“What? How so?” 

You warily examined the audience slowly forming around you. 

“We’re not supposed to stand out, Rhys.”

“Well, you should’ve thought about that before putting on that dress, darling.”

You fought the urge to roll your eyes at him for a second time tonight. Rhys clocked it, laughing softly at your exasperated expression.

“I do actually have a plan here,” Rhys said. “Would you like to hear it?”

“Does it involve you continuously finding excuses for us to dance tonight?” 

“No. Yes,” he admitted. “But that’s not what I was talking about.”

“Then, what?”

Rhys leaned in, his lips hovering close to your ear. 

“This is the easiest way to have him come to us. Look at all of these people gathering around,” he whispered. “I’ve already spotted Fernsby. Have you?”

You furrowed your brows, leaning further into Rhys as you scanned the crowd over his shoulder, trying not to blatantly squint at people due to the low lighting.

“Where is he?” 

“Your three o’clock.”

You let your gaze wander to the right, Rhys moving you in a little circle so you would gain a clearer view. That’s when you spotted him. Daniel Fernsby, in the flesh. 

He wasn’t looking at you, fortunately. No, he was seemingly far too busy checking out an attractive woman, at least half his age.

“I’m assuming that’s not Mrs. Fernsby,” Rhys quipped, having noticed the same lustful look in Fernsby’s eye.

“Definitely not.”

You felt kind of sorry for his actual wife. Poor Annabelle. You remembered Ms. Edwards telling you how she thought Annabelle was quite a nice lady — kind and very friendly. She was obviously not here tonight, accompanying her husband. 

“I suppose I’ll be doing two women a favour tonight,” you said, leaning back to look up at Rhys.

“Don’t forget the millions of people who’ll still be able to pay for their medication after he’s gone, as he won’t be able to carry out his egotistical plans to get richer,” he remarked.

“Very true, indeed.”

“So,” Rhys said, shifting gears. “Seeing as we’ve found him — let’s enjoy this a little while longer, shall we?” 

He emphasised his words by spinning you around expertly, moving you along to the languid beat of the music. Rhys didn’t give you time to object as you flowed across the dance floor, following his graceful movements with remarkable ease. He was a talented dancer, you’d give him that, feeling entirely in tune with the music.

Rhys twirled you around again, dipping you low and pausing for a moment before bringing you back up, a mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

You laughed at his actions, strangely starting to feel more relaxed by the minute. Or maybe you should’ve expected it. Rhys always managed to make you feel more at ease with him, to make you feel seen and safe. He smiled at you, bright and encouraging, just as the music shifted, the opening notes of the next song’s soft melodic piano reverberating through the packed hall.

Rhys’ smile only grew, dimples appearing as he moved the two of you in time to the new melody. You happily followed his lead this time, feeling a surge of joy at his infectious smile.

“So, set ‘em up, Joe, I got a little story I think you should know,” he sang along to the song the band was playing, his eyes dancing with amusement. 

You stared at him, eyes widening a little. Not simply because of his obvious, playful jab at Jonathan, but mostly because of hearing Rhys’ beautiful singing voice for the first time. You had no idea that he could sing, the deep vibrato of his voice instantly becoming a sound you longed to hear each and every day.

Rhys continued to dance you around the tiny little circle you had claimed as your dance space, humming to the tune of one of your favourite Sinatra songs, the people around you fading away to the background, forgotten. 

When he chose to lean in again, his lips grazing the shell of your ear, softly singing to you in a way that caused all the hairs on your skin to stand upright, you swore you felt your heart skip a beat.

“Make it one for my baby, and one more for the road.”

You gripped his shoulder a little tighter, hoping the poison filled bottle of Chanel no. 5 inside your clutch wouldn’t shatter. Swallowing thickly, you tried to keep your cool and to remember that you were in a very public setting. Together. For the first time. 

“You do like the classics, don’t you?” Rhys murmured in your ear, low, sending another shiver down your spine.

God, he knew exactly what he was doing. 

You didn’t know how much of your exploits in here tonight would eventually make its way to the outside world — to the media and the tabloids. But you certainly weren’t ignorant when out of the corner of your eye you saw a flash of a camera. Or was that just another burst of lightening?

“Not just the classics,” you replied, sounding way breathier than you’d intended. 

Rhys hummed in response, leaning back, swiftly glancing around him. Everyone was staring at you. Everyone. And a quick look around yourself confirmed that it also included Daniel Fernsby.

More and more people had started to gravitate towards the dance floor as well, inspired by the loving couple in the centre. But you found yourself caring less and less about the onlookers. These vultures couldn’t harm you, or harass you. Not as long as Rhys was there, protective over you like no one else had ever been before in the near three decades that you’d walked this earth.

Rhys had also noticed your more relaxed expression, your muscles less tense as you continued to dance, resulting in a pleased glimmer in his eyes. You could have stayed in this moment forever. But when he leaned down to press a soft kiss to your cheek, you caught a glimpse of a retreating individual over Rhys’ shoulder, one with salt and pepper hair, perfectly styled in a low quiff. 

It was Fernsby. 

Fuck. You couldn’t let him get out of your line of sight.

You reluctantly slowed down your steps, which got Rhys’ attention at once, only swaying back and forth now. He looked at you, puzzled.

“Fernsby’s on the move,” you whispered, hating to burst your little bubble. “It’s time to move.”

“Alright,” Rhys’ gaze sharpened instantly.

Neither of you wanted this little moment to end, but you were also aware that you were here for a reason. And that reason was retreating to somewhere on the other side of the hall where you, at present, didn’t have eyes on him.

“What’s the plan?”

“I’m going to catch his eye and lure him away. Then I’ll have my way with him in the secluded Attenborough Studio, which we passed by earlier before heading into the Mammals gallery,” you explained, the contours of your well-crafted plan reclaiming centre stage in your mind.

The increased amount of dancing couples allowed for the perfect opportunity for you to quietly make your way to the edge of the dance floor, and to hopefully sneak away unnoticed so you could go after Fernsby.

Rhys hummed thoughtfully, nodding once. 

“And where do I fit into this? I want to be there when you end his life, Y/N,” he said greedily, making sure no one else could hear him.

“I’ll text you once everything’s secure. But you’ll have to make yourself scarce in the meantime, I need to get him to come with me willingly.”

“Trying to make me jealous, are you?”

“No,” you shrugged innocently. “But you’re always free to leave if you want.”

He playfully narrowed his eyes, pressing your bodies closer together, still swaying you along to the music. 

“No way, darling. You won’t get rid of me that easily.”

You eyed him cheekily. “Alright, then. Let’s do this.”

You started to move through the crowd, Rhys following close behind, not yet letting go of your hand. People still turned to look at you when you passed them, but most of the initial boost of attention had subsided. You neared a small group of men standing around a high table who seemed to be deep in conversation. Initially, you didn’t pay them any mind, until one of them spotted Rhys. 

“Oi,” the man shouted, waving furiously. 

The rest of the party quickly joined him in the incessant waving and shouting to get you both to come over. They’d obviously been drinking, there was no denying that. Some had even discarded their suit jackets already. You paused, not recognising any of them. Although, the men of various ages and sizes seemed to be more focused on Rhys than you.

You turned to him, your brows raised in a silent question. Rhys sighed, audibly. 

“I know them. Kind of. They work in parliament,” he explained, already gesturing to them that he’d be there in a minute.

You laughed at his obvious reluctance to go over to them. “They seem like a quaint bunch.”

“That’s because they are. But you never know when certain connections can come in handy.” 

“I guess so,” you smiled, waving at the men who were openly staring at you.

“How about I’ll grace them with my presence whilst you,” Rhys paused, considering. “Work your magic.”

You cocked your head, pursing your lips. You weren’t exactly looking forward to flirt with your victim any more than Rhys was, but it was the most efficient way to quickly and discreetly lure him away from prying eyes. Fernsby’s wordless and one-sided interaction with the attractive woman from earlier only confirmed that.

“And what will you be talking about?” You asked, ignoring his quip, biting your lip as you stole one more glance at the small group. “They’re obviously gonna ask you about us.”

“Don’t worry about that, I’m going to be very coy about the stunning lady who will be too busy seducing another man,” Rhys smirked. 

You met his eye, shooting him a tight-lipped smile.

“If you don’t shut up, I might do more than just flirt with him,” you cautioned.

It succeeded in wiping the shit-eating grin off his face, Rhys clearing his throat. “Right. Message received.”

“I’m glad.”

You were quietly staring each other down before you huffed a laugh, unable to keep up the charade. In turn, his lips quirked up in another one of his charming and dazzling, little smiles.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“You can count on it,” Rhys vowed. 

He momentarily took you by surprise as he moved to kiss you sweetly on the lips, light fingertips lingering on your exposed neckline. Rhys was apparently completely unbothered by the battered looking group of politicians standing a mere ten yards away.

“Be careful,” he whispered against your lips.

“I promise,” you said, squeezing his hand.

––

Rhys watched as you walked away from him, following the path of Daniel Fernsby. When you’d disappeared into the crowd, he turned around to face the group of nosy politicians who’d clearly watched the entire exchange between you, unapologetically he might add.

Most were around his age, but a couple of them had already begun their political career in the City when Rhys had still been in primary school. You never knew who could turn out to be useful, so Rhys had decided early on to ‘befriend’ as many of them as he could. Especially those who could potentially help him move up in the world at some point in time.

He didn’t know the group extremely well, though. Not really staying in touch with them besides the handful of different events they’d frequented over the years. Albeit recently, Carson and Harris had participated in his successful charity run, and some of the others he’d seen occasionally at Sundry House. Which was reason enough to not become best friends with them as far as Rhys was concerned.

Still, the moment Rhys walked up to them, he was welcomed by a chorus of cheers and wooping. 

“She’s fucking gorgeous,” one of them called out. 

“Well done, mate,” a man named Rogers added, clapping him firmly on the back.

Rhys laughed, dipping his head in acknowledgement. 

You had been right though, they immediately cornered him with a straight-up inquisition, making Rhys wonder if they were secretly a group of elderly women who couldn’t live without their daily dose of gossip.

But just as he’d assured you, he managed to coyly deflect and circle around their questions. However, he definitely didn’t mention the man you were currently going after. Rhys had made a few jokes about it to you, mostly because he didn’t want to think too long about you spending time with another man, any man. A possessive dominance threatening to come to the surface. Even now, Rhys had to make an effort not to clench his fists and continuously look around to search your familiar figure, dressed to perfection.

The fact that Fernsby would be lying dead on the stone-cold floor tonight whilst Rhys would be able to take you home afterwards and take his time slowly peeling that immaculate dress off of your body, reassured him somewhat.

Rhys focused on those thoughts, as well as distracting himself some more with his current company, only half listening to their discussion on the Brexit’s influence on international trade, adding something to the conversation every now and then. They had quickly ceased their suggestive quips and questions about you when they’d learned that Rhys would only entertain them to a certain degree, shutting down anything that went too deep and personal.

So, therefore, Brexit. A wonderful conversation topic. Privately, Rhys sighed. 

In the meantime, he was also acutely aware of his phone burning a hole in his pocket as he not so patiently waited for you to text him. He was desperate to know how you were faring, eager to join you in Attenborough Studio — soon to be functioning as your private kill room. 

Rhys was about to take out his phone, to make sure he hadn’t accidentally put it on silent and inadvertently missed your text, when a bellowing, thunderous clap vibrated through the hall, followed by a tumultuous echo of high-pitched screams.

Then, everything went dark.

–––– 

A/N: Part 19!!! It took me a little while to actually finish this chapter so when I went back through my notes of what I wanted to incorporate, I noticed that I had literally written down ‘Location: Hintze Hall with the fucking 25 metre whale’

I mean it is kind of ridiculous, and also pretty sweet, that there’s actual events taking place in the Natural History. Definitely look it up online if you’ve never seen photos of the Hintze Hall events before, you’ll see how impressive the whale really is lol

Also, I lied about Run Baby Run being this chapter’s soundtrack, instead it’ll be next chapter’s soundtrack. I decided lastminute to split up this chapter into two parts, deleting half of what I had already written and opting to go a different route, which includes next week’s chapter being entirely in Rhys’ pov :) 

––

Tags: @artaxerxesthegreat

#rhys montrose x reader #rhys montrose x female reader #rhys montrose fanfic #rhys montrose fic #rhys montrose #you netflix #you season 4 #you season 4 canon divergence #jonathan moore #joe goldberg #goldrose #ed speleers #rhys montrose x original female character #on ao3 #you and me

[twig-tea]

Love in the Big City Part 4: Having Trouble Letting Go

Processing part 4 was so much harder than the other three parts, for me, and I think the clear and concrete shift within the narrator and how he narrates in this part is why. Young has spent the last 3 parts pretending he doesn’t really feel much of anything; in my Part 1 write-up I called him an emotionally unreliable narrator and this is the first part where it feels like the emotions are present in the text rather than inferred based on my own experiences with the situations he’s described. It’s telling that his descriptions of Gyu-ho are, in his words “preserved under glass” (love that we both felt compelled to call out this quote @wen-kexing-apologist)  but his descriptions of his emotions grieving Gyu-ho in this part are the closest we get to true emotional vulnerability from our narrator.  

This chapter is also “about” Young’s relationship with Habibi, but it’s very clear that this relationship is only important to Young in that he was involved with this person while he was processing his grief at losing his relationship with Gyu-ho. I don’t know that the narrator would say that, but it’s how I read this section. Young's interactions with Habibi feel much more reminiscent of his relationship with Hyung in Part 2; lacking in vulnerability.

This is about a Young who is grieving what he lost by letting Gyu-ho go. The grief is ugly, and messy, and doesn’t come to any real resolution. But the fact that he’s actually feeling it, like @lurkingshan discussed in her post,  gives me hope that Young is able to find happiness again in future, and this time allow himself to keep it.

This reminded me a lot of the ending of The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese, except we didn’t get to the part where the protagonist sits himself on the stool in the middle of the apartment, we’re still at the place where he’s looking at the ashtray in his garbage bin. This chapter left me so deeply sad for this reason, even while intellectually I see it as a critical step towards catharsis, processing, and eventually change. When I think about it, the ending of the book does give me hope for Young’s future happiness, but not with Gyu-ho, and not anytime soon. 

There are a few things that stuck out to me in this part; the way Young is ironically the most “present” he’s been in the whole novel and is also so dissociated from what’s happening in his present and is instead reminiscing about his time in Bangkok with Gyu-ho; The way Young tells the story about getting antiretrovirals in Thailand and how he wishes he’d known about the post-exposure prophylactic properties of PrEP (reminding me of my own sentiment about how I wished he knew about and had access to things from my Part 3 write-up); and the way Habibi feels so much less formed as a person than the other characters central to the other parts–which feels intentional and like result of good writing, rather than a gap. 

Regarding the adaptations and what I’m looking forward to as per @bengiyo’s questions, I keep thinking about the visual metaphors in this book and how well they’ll translate to screen: the blueberry stains on Young’s fingertips in Part 1; the pesticides and park grass in part 2; the bloody lip in part 3; and the crashing lantern with Young’s wish to be forever with Gyu-ho are all ones that come to mind. I’m also thinking about the many different ways Young managed to convey the concept that he was "toxic"–the latest in Part 4 being the dream in which Gyu-ho is taken over with dark ooze–and how heartbreaking I’m going to find those visually represented. With a visual medium so much more can be done with those recurring themes, and so I suppose the part I’m most excited to see in the adaptations is how the creators fill out the world that, by nature of having been a book written in the first person, does not have a ton of description. That gives the adapters a lot of room to have fun with the details.  

@hyeon-comb put it better than I could come up with, that one of the overall takeaways I’d love people to have from this book is that it’s ok to have made mistakes, to live with regrets. Like @bengiyo said in his post, I know Young, I love Young, and I see myself and many of my friends in Young, Jaehee, and the T-aras, and I want them to be happy (or, at least, happier) for their own sakes.

I loved the Acknowledgments and Translator’s Note (both of which appear at the end of my epub version of the book, which is why I’m discussing them now) and how both talk about the thrill of being depicted on the page. I want to call out how critical this is, and how much I loved that aspect of reading this book. This story felt queer, and queer in ways that were familiar to my experience (even though I’m not a man nor Korean nor ever been to Seoul). But I still share so many of these experiences, and have friends who have experienced even more. And the power in having those experiences represented accurately in a story is one that is still rare enough that it’s thrilling every time. I also love Young’s sense of humour and his devastating reads; I’ve loved his character since “you all have faces like rat dicks” followed by the table flip. 

I think this book does an incredible job of telling a story from the perspective of a character who have been the instrument of their own unhappiness and who is struggling with the result but thinks it was the right decision–and letting us, the audience, experience his emotions while also having enough distance to see where he’s not able to have perspective, where he’s made assumptions, and where he had value in the relationship before he gave it up. It’s not an easy balance to walk. I hope that this book gives others some perspective on the choices they may be making on behalf of others that they don’t realize they don’t have to make. 

#love in the big city #litbc book club #typed so that i can stop thinking it

[loumands]

After the finale i’ve seen a lot of posts both here and on twitter and reddit suggesting that we can’t trust anything we saw actually happened, and/or Armand brainwashed Louis and implanted and removed memories, and that Lestat was nothing like he was shown and nothing in this season was real. I really don’t think that’s what’s happening and how we’re meant to interpret the show for various reasons:

1) It would be bad writing. Like it would be textbook bad writing. ‘She woke up and it was all just a dream’ is often mocked and used as an example of what you should never do for a reason. Pulling the rug and saying what you earlier wrote never happened almost never works. It takes away your audience’s emotional investment, removes good scenes, creates incoherence and aimlessness in your narrative and basically renders your story meaningless. With Louis we know he’s an unreliable narrator and we’ve seen how that manifests: he emphasizes things that support the narrative he wants to convey and omits things that challenge that narrative, he wants to protect Claudia and himself, he’s uncomfortable talking about his love for Lestat, he’s a master of hypocrisy and self-deception, and trauma and the passage of time have influenced his memories. But i don’t really get an impression that he’s untrustworthy in that sense that he literally actively lies or his memories are literally false. Lestat’s version of the events will probably be rather different but that doesn’t mean neither of them is ‘wrong’. I believe that most of the events in this season need to be true so that emotional and narrative integrity is maintained. I think this show’s writers are too good to erase their own story for a twist.

2) I know that some fans dislike the decision to make Lestat more blatantly abusive and are hoping that Louis or Armand is trying make him seem worse than he was, but that doesn’t make sense to me when you consider how the abuse is portrayed in the show. You can disagree with Lestat’s characterization but the way domestic abuse itself is depicted is very careful, consistent, accurate and realistic. Lestat’s abusiveness is not some extraneous detail you can remove by cutting a couple of scenes; it’s an inherent part of his character and the whole story from the beginning. I would go as far as saying abuse if one of the most important parts of this story. If you somehow take it out it becomes a completely different relationship and different show. Again we come back to the point where it would mean undermining the whole narrative. I also think that since the writers have been portraying this subject so well they know better than to insinuate that abuse victims are lying or imagining things. The DV scene in 1.05 has been endlessly analyzed and i do think we’re going to revisit it later from a different POV because it’s edited in the way that implies that there’s more to it. But i really don’t think they’re going to pull ‘none of this ever happened!’ twist with that or any other scene depicting abuse. That would be just cheap and offensive. I think we will in later season see things from Lestat’s perspective that make him more sympathetic (for example revelation that he really loved Claudia like in the books is something i’m almost certain we’ll see) but i don’t see them erasing something that has been so central for Lestat’s characterization.

3) Portraying Louis as some kidnapped brainwashed slave for Armand is at odds with his character and the themes of the show and would also, again, be bad writing because passive characters with no agency are boring, and relationships based on pure mind control are boring as well. Louis at times comes across passive because of his depression and exhaustion caused by trauma and abuse but he’s never been without agency. One of the most compelling and realistic parts of the show’s depiction of abuse is that Louis, like many victims, seeks and stays in toxic situations and relationships by his own volition and ends up repeating the same patterns. Lestat doesn’t coerce him into anything in the literal sense. Louis chooses to get together with him, to stay with him year after year even though they’re unhappy, and to take him back after his assault. Louis is always the one literally and metaphorically locking them in his coffin. I think whatever Louis and Armand’s relationship is like it’s in some ways similar to his relationship with Lestat. I think if Armand is using his powers on Louis it’s relatively minor rather than total brainwashing and quite possibly he’s even doing it by Louis’ own request. I feel that Louis could leave that Dubai coffin house whenever he wanted and Armand or no one else would physically prevent him. But because of how his own mind works he chooses not to. He and Armand are each other’s prisoners in some way and i think that’s much more interesting than Armand just keeping him under psychic mind control.

#is this any coherent at all i'm so tired i should be sleeping #iwtv #interview with the vampire #mal watches iwtv #txt

[literaryspinster]

I’m on ch 3 of your limoreau fic and I’m struggling a bit with the decision to make Powerlad racist, why does every story about Black people have to involve racism as a plot device?

I don’t believe it does. I just made that specific choice because one of the big themes of that story (and The Boys itself) is toxic celebrity culture, and I wanted to convey that theme in a way that felt somewhat high stakes without getting into big conspiracy territory or putting Marie through what Starlight went through (or any other sort of physical violence).

A privileged celebrity having their problematic nature exposed, only for their fans and those in power to go out of their way to protect them, often at the expense of the less protected people in their orbit, is something I’ve witnessed online multiple times, and as a Black woman it’s exhausting to see. I can only imagine what that’s like for those more directly affected. That’s kind of what I wanted to explore with that plotline.

I also don’t think racism is a thing that just exists in media to make Black people feel like they can never escape it. It’s an actual part of our lives. I’ve been disrespected and hurt on account of my race, and while the fact that that’s happened doesn’t define me, or even figure into my day to day life as much as it once did, it is something I’ve felt the need to grapple with in various ways, including through writing. I also address queerphobia and sexism but racism is what I feel the most equipped to unpack because it’s what I’ve dealt with the most in my interactions with people (I’m a part of the queer community but quite straight-presenting, and am not a part of a profession or lifestyle that’s heavily associated with men or manliness, so sexism isn’t something I tend to feel on a visceral level).

Furthermore, I believe racism is one of the ‘isms that speculative fiction actually tends to be the shyest about. I’ve watched plenty of mainstream content where sexism is addressed repeatedly, meanwhile race is never commented on in any way in spite of the cast of characters being racially diverse (The Beauty and the Beast remake is the example that stands out the most to me). Or I’ve seen white women dealing with sexism and only Black men dealing with racism while the Black women in the story are just kind of there (i.e. Outlander, a show I could not finish in spite of all of the praise it received). Or some entirely fictional creature or concept is meant as the stand in for racism. I understand wanting to read about different things, but I do believe that there’s a middle ground between making our stories entirely about race and just pretending that it doesn’t exist.

All that being said. Fanfic is meant for escapism, I get that. I wasn’t trying to make anyone feel annoyed or let down or anything like that, I was just doing what I always do when I’m writing a fanfic that’s not a complete AU, playing in someone else’s sandbox with someone else’s toys. The Boys is all about satirizing topics like public bigotry (and yeah, it’s a Gen V fic but the point of it was to imagine them in The Seven so therefore on The Boys). I’m not always a fan of how they go about it, but I do appreciate its point of view a fair amount more than something like South Park, or even the show’s own source material. I doubt I would have stuck with it for three seasons if that wasn’t the case. So when writing for a show that frequently lampoons racists and other types of ridiculous people, the decisions made with Powerlad came pretty naturally. If I’d known I’d be disappointing people to this degree (you aren’t the first to comment on this) then I would have maybe gone in a different direction. To be honest the criticism has taken the wind out of my sails a bit.

In spite of everything, the rest of the story is planned out and partially written. Even though the fandom is understandably in a bad place right now, I hope the way everything plays out feels rewarding to people who choose to finish.

#limoreau #gen v #the boys #marie moreau #i didn’t mean to write a whole novel 😅 #fanfic

[theysangastheyslew]

Hey!!!

I want to share more suffering with you, homie haha *crying*

What do you think of the episode? Especially 132 part ofc!

Hi friend! :'))))))))) Ooooooh honey that gif is such a mood XD I’ve been trying to collect my thoughts and this is the best I can do atm. Sorry it’s kind of wordy but here we go 🥲

Ok! So ever-present pacing issues aside, the overarching story made for a solid episode and the animation was incredible. Hell, even the things I disliked objectively looked well-done out of context. Overall, that was no small feat to pull off, especially in such harsh working conditions. I truly do want to acknowledge that.

But in regards to 132, you guys already put into words how I feel better than I could. I may not have anything new to add, but I’ll say what I liked first and then put my issues under a cut.

As someone who actually really likes Yams’ art style, I loved that they consistently kept Hange’s face accurate to the manga. It was really inconsistent throughout the final season and they struggled to not make it too short a lot of times. Hange was always still stunning of course but the difference always stuck out to me. Here everyone was drawn well, but you can tell she got some extra attention.

The way they inched Levi closer to where Hange was sitting while talking with Yelena. Insignificant yeah but consistent with their past behavior. Also I’m glad they tweaked the position of his bandages so it looked less like they were painfully tugging upwards on his nose.

The pained expressions of the kids and Hange watching Levi struggle to even hold his gear

The “unrequited love” exchange. It had most of the softness and emotion from the manga even though the weight of that line will never be realized in non-written form. The camera lingered on each frame in a way that conveyed the sentiment. This is what got my hopes up that they would stay truer to the source material with DYH.

I'm so glad they left in Hange's lines to Flochroach about not giving up. Helps show—once again—that they wanted to live

The choked way Levi said “Devote your heart” + Hange’s widened eye and soft gasp at his words. Though not tearing up like in the manga, the shot still looked lovely for the half second it lasted. He doesn't pause halfway through saying it though so this one I'm still wrestling with.

Of course, the last stand. Onscreen, Hange took out at least 16 colossals (including the ones we see trip and get trampled) and definitely more offscreen (when they cut away to show other characters) and for the last few, did it while in the most pain a human body can feel. 7/10 for combat, my ass. Idk about y’all but I can’t stop hearing Romi Park’s screams in my head. I knew it would be nauseating and brutal but dear God. At the same time I cannot put into words how proud I am of them. That's my commander 💜

Ok “like” is definitely not the right word for this but I had wondered when I first read 132 how Hange’s gas tank was so well-insulated that it didn’t ignite, and.. well I got my answer.

I’m thankful that they didn’t show a glimpse of Hange’s bloody, crushed remains the way you see in the og panel. That at least felt respectful to me. This is wishful thinking I know but the defined charred outline makes me choose hope they fell more off to the side from where the titans were walking so at least there was maybe still a body left to recover someday.

The afterlife scene, the kids all sobbing their hearts out, Levi holding his own hand in the aftermath trying to process what just happened, and Onyankopon confirming the plane’s significance all really were appropriately gut-wrenching.

I really recommend taking a little break between The Rumbling and Sinners. It definitely makes the shift in emotion less jarring and less

When I did that with my rewatch it helped with the flow of things.

Ok, now twist me up and call me a pretzel bc here there be some salt :|

I’ll try to leave out my og issues with the manga chapter itself (like how painfully obvious it was all just to make Armin commander and how unnecessary Hange dying was IN THE FIRST PLACE and IF it had to happen at all how it could have been done at the final boss skelepalooza showdown, etc.) and just focus on the episode.

Goes without saying but it bears repeating: pacing. 75% of my issues with the execution of DYH would be gone if they just slowed down a bit. Just let the weight of it sink in a little. That this moment —all shreds of shipping aside— is the end of the line for these two heroes who have been supporting each other for ten years while bearing the weight of the world on their shoulders. But Mappa completely reversed the timing of the sequence of events. In the manga we had a longer, more intimate farewell followed by a last stand that was so short even when you knew it was coming it left you reeling from how fast it was from start to finish. Whereas here they hurried it along to get to the “main event”. Hell, it flows better in gif sets than it does in the actual show.

To me, it felt like Hange’s demeanor didn’t really change from talking with the kids to speaking with Levi, making their false bravado seem like less of a front. I know their tone was meant to sound like they were keeping up appearances, but with how often Hange just gets reduced solely to being a titan freak the way they had Romi say the lines made it sound like actual excitement, especially with the way they drew Hange's facial expressions (more on that next)

Hange’s little smirk after the salute. I kinda get what they were trying to do here but to me it came off as very flippant and dismissive of Levi’s choice of words, especially since they all but got rid of their lips trembling and eye beginning to well up with tears. I wish we’d gotten the big fake smile and laugh because that would have shown better that Hange was overcompensating by trying to put their brave face back on after starting to lose their composure. Their fear is obvious in the manga but it just simply didn’t come through as well throughout this entire exchange.

Sooo Hange almost tears up when Pieck said their words inspired her yet minutes later when their Best Friend tries to say goodbye there’s nowhere near that kind of reaction? Sure, Jan

Levi’s face. Ok look. It’s not a lack of emotion on his part that bothers me. It’s that it’s an entirely different one to begin with. He looks bummed at first yes, but then that changes to what I’m guessing is supposed to be determination which comes off as anger or annoyance (kinda like what changed with his scene with Armin on the stairs). They removed what made this parting different from previous ones, which was the sense of open vulnerability and the dawning realization that now he’s going to have to let Hans go too. See it's not like they were in the middle of the battle just yet. This situation came on suddenly and unexpectedly; it wasn't "supposed" to happen. One second they were on track and the next Hange is being torn away by fate. And yes, the highlights play a part in that transition. Anyone who draws eyes knows the importance of placement and intensity and the major impact they have over the final expression. And when drawing a comic you certainly don’t take up valuable page space with three panels focusing on the hope draining out of someone’s eyes if it wasn’t supposed to be the focus. I mean for fuck's sake, even the Final Season!Nendoroid Levi got it right. Plus, if they could make a point of getting Eren's eyes right during the raid on Liberio they could have gotten it here.

When the camera cuts to the kids watching the titans fall the angle doesn’t let you see that Levi can’t bring himself to watch for more than just a second

NOT MAPPA’s FAULT but since I’m being whiny right now I’m going to add that while ACWNR is a mixed bag to begin with, WIT’s adaptation not including Levihan’s introduction saddens me bc Levi asking Hange to keep watching loses a bit of extra oomph.

Really it just comes down to the fact that there was nothing wrong with the original page. It wasn’t overdone or dragged out by any means but considering many other scenes got shot-for-shot depictions I don’t think we were asking for anything outrageous by wanting a faithful adaptation. The couple frames we got that were almost perfect were so freakin fast you barely had time to process them before it cut away.

I wanted to like it, I really did. Especially since MAPPA did so many things so incredibly well as a whole. My expectations weren’t high, and I did want to give it the benefit of the doubt. But when it came to DYH, it felt both watered down and disjointed, like a completely different scene.

But so it goes. At the end of the day, Hange still dies a horrifying death for plot convenience, and Levi is left behind to suffer once again. It was always going to hurt and I was never going to be ready for it, no matter how it was done.

#gahhhh i keep seeing posts that better verbalize what im trying to say #words are hard #tldr: basically i agree with what you kleinzoe kachuusa warm starlight murdergiraffe nenithil glassesandswords and mcxynth all said #now imma go listen to voices carry by lights and the world is ugly on repeat bc if i see 1 more ‘hange was suicidal’ take ill eat my hand #le me #replies #ramblings #rantings #snk #levihan #analysis

[lathalea]

Hey, I'm the anon who was asking why people are writing Thorin with all these modern quips.

Thank you for your answer and your awesome pictures of Thorin!

I sadly think you may have misunderstood where I was coming from, though.

I never am against people being creative..I have no problem with people expanding their minds to come up with so many different ideas and scenarios. The people reblogging from you made me look like a complete heartless jerk saying that people should be free to write whatever they want and I'm just an oppressor, pretty well.

If anything, my point is, people are always writing fanfic with the same narrow minded ideas..they really aren't as creative as people think.

They are filled with utter political correctness and Marxism. This stuff is more narrow minded than being creative, as we see it in every tv show, movie and video games, even! It's everywhere! But, this is considered creative when this is all we ever see in storytelling? This is why I felt you misunderstood me, and so did everyone else.

If people are being truly creative, they wouldn't keep putting these same ideologies in stories. You know how many Thorin stories I couldn't finish cause the women are usually written as the same tropes over and over again? Always feminists, and just knows how to fight, somehow, or always has an attitude..this is how women are written in pretty well any type of entertainment, these days.

Hope this helps you understand more where I'm coming from.

(Mandatory Thorin swooning material here.)

Hi again, Anon! 

I’m glad you’ve read my reply. Rest assured, I understood everything very well – including the fact what kind of fanfiction tropes you like the most and the ones you don’t. As for the latter, I simply hope that doesn’t include the Thorin fans who have fun together with me whenever I open Thorin’s Ask Box and reply humbly ask our King Under the Mountain to kindly reply to everyone’s questions.

It’s good to know that you didn’t mean to come off like “a complete heartless jerk”. It happens sometimes that we write certain things under the influence of strong emotions and click “send” before taking a deep breath and re-reading what we wrote. I understand, no worries. But I’m sure you see how your words can be interpreted by others. And I’m certain you know — probably even better than me — that proper wording matters a lot, especially in English. Because it is not my first language, I’ve learned to be ultra careful when putting my thoughts into words here on Tumblr (or anywhere in the Internet) — otherwise I can come off as the aforementioned “complete heartless jerk” and no one wants to be that person, right? 

If anything like this ever happens again, I’d like you to know that you can always drop in to my ask box and clarify further what you had in mind. I will be happy to convey your reasoning to my followers as I’m doing it now.

Anyway, I’m glad that you decided to clarify your thought process and we went from the initial confusion of “strange gender ideologies” to the problem of the Original Female Characters and their portrayal in fanfiction — which is a very interesting issue worthy of a separate discussion (another one I’d love to have). But let’s dive into your ask.

(Just look at his majestic profile!)

“If anything, my point is, people are always writing fanfic with the same narrow minded ideas..they really aren't as creative as people think.”

(I have skipped the part about the main popculture categories because it’s a separate topic, but I’d love to discuss it with you on another occasion. I think it would be a very interesting exchange of opinions.)

Let’s focus on fanfiction for now, specifically, Thorin fanfiction because I see we both care for this character a lot.

I’m glad that in your ask you decided to challenge the fanfic writers and encourage them to broaden their horizons and try harder! It’s always good to improve. And speaking of improvement, remember when I said “proper wording matters”? I hope you don’t mind, but I’d like to offer you a piece of advice I got from a good friend once: I’ve learned that it’s best to avoid categorical statements containing words like “always” or “never” when discussing things in public to avoid being misunderstood or coming off as confrontational. Some of the people who will read this may think that you are either offending fic writers on purpose (which I’m sure is not the case) or have a limited knowledge of fanfiction (and you seem like a well-read person). It is much better to say “It feels to me that many people write fanfic with the same narrow-minded ideas because…” (I’d like to hear your reasoning by the way!) 

Let’s leave dealing in absolutes to the philosophers and theologians, okay? :)

Now, let’s get back to Thorin fanfiction.

(Just look at that hair!)

"If people are being truly creative, they wouldn't keep putting these same ideologies in stories. You know how many Thorin stories I couldn't finish cause the women are usually written as the same tropes over and over again? Always feminists, and just knows how to fight, somehow, or always has an attitude..this is how women are written in pretty well any type of entertainment, these days."

I must admit I’m a bit sad that you happen to find only this type of Thorin x OFC fics. At the same time, I have to agree with you that there are certain repetitive tropes and traits that make many OCs boring, or worse, make them look like a Mary Sue. In mainstream media, it is very common to portray a female character as “strong” by putting a sword or gun into her hands, but for me, it is much more interesting to see either this type of physically strong character, but marked by flaws or torn by conflict, or a more feminine type of character whose strength that comes from within. At the same time, I realize that this type of character (“badass girl with a sword”) has become very popular and perhaps that is why I get easily bored by it nowadays, because the world of popculture is oversaturated with them, as you said it yourself. But I believe that a good writer can write a character like this and keep me engaged if there is interesting depth to that OC. 

Either way, I totally understand that you may feel tired when seeing this trope, but I also know there are tons and tons of various stories available online though browsing through them may feel like a chore sometimes. But don’t worry, I happen to have read quite a few Thorin fics (it should be clear to you by now that I have no life ;)), and some of them were really good. I have prepared a short list of Thorin fics with interesting protagonists from many different places (ff.net, AO3, Tumblr) — you’ll find it below. I hope that after checking out these stories and reading those stories, you can perhaps feel a bit of relief knowing that there are quite a few interesting female protagonists around.

Here we go (a general warning, many of the fics below contain NSFW scenes):

💕 @technoelfie - check out the Thorin masterlist - stories like The Long Dark and its sequel contain an OFC that is everything but badass, even though she comes from the modern times. And the story is very much canon in all the right places.

💕 Kkolmakov’s fic Me Without You - a perfect example of how you focus on canon, provide the readers with a feminine OC (and Wren, the protagonist, is very far from a classic Mary Sue), and weave an engaging story inspired by Thorin’s works. Check out her other Thorin stories on ff.net, they are full of great ideas! 

💕 @legolasbadass - check out the Heart of Gold fic on AO3! The OC is a very complex character and the story of the secret love between her and Thorin in a restrictive Dwarven society relies heavily on canon. Dania, the protagonist, shows us a quiet, resilient type of feminine strength.

💕 @fizzyxcustard - see Fizzy’s Thorin fics here on Tumblr and A Rose at Twilight on AO3. This is a story about a young woman capturing Thorin’s heart against all odds. Again, far from a typical swashbuckling Mary Sue, it focuses on a rather vulnerable character who gets a chance at a new life.

💕 @middleearthpixie - this very prolific writer has more than just a few longfics under her belt. See the whole list here. Stories like In Time or Where I Belong, among others, contain well-rounded OFCs free from the repetitive traits you mentioned.

💕 @thorinstorieswoman - this blog contains a 2-part longfic where the OC is an elf from Rivendell and the issue of elf-Dwarf animosities is addressed in an interesting way without straying outrageously from canon.

💕 @frosticenow wrote A Thread of Life, a companion piece to my art (yes, I may be biased here) that includes another really interesting OFC, a seamstress, and Thorin falling in love with her. You will find great worldbuilding ideas here too and strong focus on the Dwarven culture!

💕 The Queen by Heloise Durin - the story of how the love between Thorin and Queen Heloise blossomed. It is somewhat inspired by real-life events, as the author admits, and the readers can see that a queen can be a strong female character yet her strength does not come from wielding a sword nor from sassy remarks.

💕 Other writers who are known for Thorin fics are @legolaslovely, @deepestfirefun, @dumbassunderthemountain, @fromthedeskoftheraven, @averil-of-fairlea, @xxbyimm, @i-did-not-mean-to, @shiinata-library, @scariusaquarius, @guardianofrivendell @ruthoakenshield and more (if you’re a Thorin fic writer and you’d like to be added here, please let me know!).

💕 Oh, and if you’re tired of the issues you mentioned, like “feminist OCs” and “badass girl OCs”, feel free to check out @lordoftherazzles stories. The main focus is Bagginshield and this is a ship based solely on canon characters free of those characteristics so maybe it will interest you too? Here is Razzy’s AO3 page.

And if you're searching for a classically feminine OFC whose greatest trait is being passive and ogling Thorin, see my story Springtime at the Lonely Mountain.

I hope you'll like at least some of these stories. Feel free to share your thoughts with me! I’m always eager to discuss fanfiction :)

(Well hello there, handsome king!)

Before I click “send” on this post, I’d like you to ask you something, if you don’t mind. You wrote: “They [fics] are filled with utter political correctness and Marxism.”  

I must admit, I’m a bit confused here. Would you be so kind and please explain to me how Thorin fics you encounter (because I assume you were still talking about stories containing this character here) are filled with Marxism? And if you could provide me with some examples/fic links, that would be great! I must admit I have never encountered a truly Marxist Thorin fic (or Dwarf fic) yet. I’m always on the lookout for fresh worldbuilding ideas and uncommon takes on social and economic issues in fanfiction, especially in stories where Dwarves are the main focus. Revolutionary Dwarves? Labor issues, capitalism and communism as concepts developed by the children of Aule? That would be a very interesting read!

The same goes for “political correctness”, by the way. I remember you mentioned earlier that it bothered you when people inserted modern ideas into Middle Earth fics so I’m guessing this is another example of this issue - please please please feel free to give me some juicy examples! I’d really like to hear your take on things and see how you would rewrite such stories or their elements to fit your tastes better! And apart from removing anachronisms from stories, that’s a great exercise in creative writing. By the way, forgive my curiosity, are you a fanfic writer yourself? If so, I’d love to read your stories if you’re willing to share them with me :) 

All the best,

Lathalea 💙

#thorin oakenshield #lathalea speaks #ask box #thorin #the hobbit #tolkien #fanfiction #thorin x oc #original female character #lotr #fanfic writing #character headcanons #Marxist anon

[novafire-is-thinking]

Ohhh the Dratchet thing is definitely a bold take, lol. To preface, I'm not a die hard Dratchet stan, but I am curious about your reasoning...

(You mentioned you were thinking about posting about it anyways, so I hope you don't mind explaining a bit more of your take here?)

I agree with you about IDW missing an opportunity to develop Drift more, but I think that applied to like... maybe 9/10 TF characters lmao. That said, I definitely disagree with him revolving around Ratchet.

I really hope this doesn't come off as condescending, it's impossible to convey tone over text—but how many of the IDW comics have you read? (Because if you're going off MTMTE alone, he's most assuredly Ratchet-focused, but MTMTE in general was sorta a bunch of different love stories.)

Outside of MTMTE, I think Spotlight: Drift did a pretty good job outlining his change of heart and new mindset/motivations. And I think All Hail Megatron (#15 in particular) did a fair job highlighting his other friendships. And none of that featured Ratchet at all...

Thoughts?

Yes, most TF characters are underdeveloped.

However, I expect more from characters who are part of the “main cast,” which JRo seems to have done with Drift.

As far as I know, I’ve read all of Drift’s major appearances, except in The Transformers (the ‘Chaos’ storyline).

I loved his development in his miniseries; that’s his peak as a character, in my opinion. I was devastated that his time with Wing was cut short.

As for his “friendships” being highlighted in AHM, they were just that—highlights. I can count on one hand the number of notable interactions he had with those “friends.”

To compare: In MTMTE & LL, even Nightbeat—a character I consider to be minor—had moments with Censere and Rung that were more memorable than what Drift got in AHM.

Drift has lost almost everyone he’s loved—either through death or drifting apart. (pun not intended)

Gasket was killed.

Wing was killed.

His potential friendship with Perceptor was never explored.

His friendly card games with Blurr were insignificant.

Pipes was killed.

Dai Atlas was killed.

Axe was killed

Rodimus drifted away.

His place in Megatron’s life was never explored. In any case, Megs was killed too.

Ratchet, Rodimus, and Wing were Drift’s most significant relationships over the course of his arc.

By the end of his story, all he had left was Ratchet, with whom he’d formed a codependent relationship, which happened to turn into something more.

So, except for that and a very dead Wing, none of his other relationships written did anything to enhance him as a character.

Whirl had Cyclonus and Tailgate.

Brainstorm had Perceptor and Nautica.

Nautica had Skids, Brainstorm, and Velocity.

Megatron had Ravage and Ultra Magnus.

Heck, even Swerve got Skids and Misfire.

In Drift’s story, every relationship was cut short until Ratchet was the “last man standing.” Of course he fell for him.

To me, Dratchet is somewhat of a last-resort relationship. Yes, it works. Yes, there’s love. However, there’s also a strong undercurrent of attachment and dare I say, defeat.

If any of the writers had done a better job of showing (1) how Drift’s other relationships shaped him and (2) how much he grew as an individual outside of relationships, I’d probably like Dratchet more. As it stands, I don’t fully trust Drift’s development near the end of MTMTE & LL, and I don’t find Dratchet very compelling.

Then again, I’m known to expect a lot when it comes to my blorbos. Maybe a bit too much.

(This is still a personal opinion piece. Nothing more; nothing less.)

#asteroid belt of asks & answers #drift ✧ deadlock #I might not need to finish that other in-progress post #I’m basically doing it here xD

[lightwise]

2 and 12 for the ask game please

Since you had to share one question I’ll answer an extra one here as well for you 😉 also wow these got really long and a little more intense than I expected. Hoping to not incite any violence with these answers but I did get pretty heartfelt here.

12. Name a common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing.

Since @heyclickadee covered some of the opinions I have about pro-Jedi vs Jedi-critical perspectives, I’m going to go with a Bad Batch peeve I have. Honestly, it extends to more of a general media critique and concern as well.

I get really sad when I see people choosing one of these three stances:

1. Hating Crosshair for what he’s done/claim he needs to spend the rest of his life making amends and that he deserves everything that’s happened to him,

2. Hating the rest of the Batch (and Hunter specifically) claiming that they didn’t do enough, that they abandoned Crosshair, that they are horrible people who left their brother behind with no remorse and that they deserve everything that’s happened to them,

3. Hating Omega and considering her a dumb little kid who took Crosshair’s place with his brothers, ruined the show, and is otherwise just a stupid girl character that they don’t want to take seriously.

Now, of course it’s everyone’s right to like or dislike any character(s) or parts of a story that they want to. But one thing that is always really beautiful about TCW and TBB especially is the amount of nuance they strive to convey through their characterizations and plot lines. Very few people in these shows are all good or all bad, and even if they fall squarely on the side of evil vs good, we’re often given reasonings as to why they’ve chosen the paths and beliefs they have.

In addition—family is complicated. The close relationships that are portrayed between the Batch members, the addition of the chip’s influence and circumstances outside of their control, and the twisted difficulties that can come when the people closest to us hurt us, is something that is not one sided and requires a lot of nuance to navigate. Everyone and no one can be to blame in a situation, everything can have gone horribly wrong and yet people can still be sorry over it and seek reconciliation, and people can seek to repair the mistakes they’ve made and it will never erase or make up for the harm that has been done.

All of those contradictions exist in real people, in real life, and I believe that these shows want to portray that as best they can. Broken people who care and who are doing the best they can with the information they have and the motivations that they carry, in a world that they did not create and don’t fully have control over. I think this makes good storytelling (even if the story itself doesn’t always go the way I expected or wanted), and I think it’s good to have compassion for fictional characters just as much as real people. That’s how I hope to approach stories that I love, at least.

Also, sorry, but I have to throw in this classic. Stop blaming Kathleen Kennedy for everything. Like seriously people. I am neither for nor against her, I really don’t have strong opinions one way or the other. But I do know how corporate structures work, and I do know that she may be atop the structure and therefore the most visible for disgruntled fans to throw their ire at, but in all seriousness, she does not know the details of every single tiny aspect of what gets put out there, and she is not the only person making decisions on everything. She either directly or indirectly brought us Rogue One as well as the Kenobi show as well as Andor as well as Mando and TBoBF. In other words, there have been critically acclaimed and fan loved content under her leadership, as well as fan hated and critically meh projects. She’s not (always) the problem that fan bros like to claim she is. Lots and lots of people work on these projects. She’s just doing her job as well as anyone in that position likely would.

3. What is the worst part of canon?

I’m going to go with something that I figured out today as I’ve been rewatching both the Sequels and the OT—I started with The Force Awakens and was trying to decide why some parts of this movie are so freaking great and others fall just completely flat, especially compared to the original it’s styling itself after, A New Hope. There are lots of points I could make here especially related to Kylo Ren and Finn, but I had this revelation today for something that bothers me.

In TFA, and other modern Star Wars projects, there’s so much exposition where a character is essentially explaining themselves to the audience via a monologue to another character, but the topic isn’t necessary to their interaction or the scene. Whether it’s bringing in “fan service” moments or trying to explain 20 years of backstory that we’re never going to be shown on screen, too many things are just spouted off and/or overexplained for the audience’s benefit.

Whereas in ANH, everything we learn about the Force, Anakin, Luke, Han, Han’s debts, who Jabba is….it all comes from natural conversations between two characters. It doesn’t just feel like it’s for our benefit, it feels natural for both characters to be adding in these details or talking about certain things. And if it’s not something that these characters would need to say to each other in a particular scene, we don’t find out more details until we need to know.

I wish that modern script writing took into account that audiences are intelligent, we can have patience, and we can watch a story unfold without knowing everything up front. (I know, I know, Star Wars Twitter would beg to disagree with me). I just want to watch a story unfold, not be lectured at or be patted on the head through a screen. The good old adage “show, don’t tell.”

#that got a little heated #I probably have more specific worst canon moments #but that’s what stood out to me today #asks answered #ask game #choose violence ask game

[sockgate]

I attended the premiere of My Policeman at TIFF yesterday so I wanted to share my thoughts on the film. I’m not a film major or a professional by any means, I’m just a fan of Harry’s who was interested to see how him and his costars would make the book come to life.

Most of my thoughts are spoilers for both the book AND film (no I will not differentiate because it would simply take too long) so the review will be under the cut. 

HUGE MASSIVE DISCLAIMER: these are my thoughts and feelings on the film. I read the book so thats the basis of where I’m coming from. I’m not an actor, a director, a writer, or anything of the sort that would make me capable of participating in the making of a movie. I haven’t read any reviews as to not skew my thoughts. This is solely my opinion on the film.

Things I liked: 

- I preferred the book, where it was Patrick and Marions back and forth about their relationship with Tom. I was worried that the film would make Tom/Marion the ‘preferred pairing’ but they made it very obvious Tom was never interested in Marion romantically. For example, in the couple sex scenes Tom/Marion had, he could never look her in the eyes. It was clear Tom confided in her as a friend (and they similarly had an affinity for Patrick). IIRC I believe there is a part in the film where Tom is explicitly stated as homosexual. 

- With all the controversy (and rightfully so) about Harry being casted as a gay cop, I found that they handled this story line very well. I never liked the fact that he was a cop in the story, and IMO his profession could have replaced with anything else and it would have held a similar socio-political effect in the story (for example, he could’ve been a teacher instead). Obviously this changes the plot of the film a bit but would have a similar effect (in the teacher example, a gay man at that time would be considered ‘unfit to work with children’). 

I can’t remember if this happens in the book but Tom burns his uniform near the end of film. And in that same scene, tells Marion he never liked it or what it stood for, what he had to do in the profession, etc. I didn’t find that the act and the statement made by Tom was shoehorned in, personally I found it was done very well with the progression of his character. 

- I found David to be the standout. He is such a wildcard in Tom/Marions relationship and how they treat each other, and their personal turmoil ultimately changes the trajectory of Patrick’s life. David did an incredible job showcasing Patrick’s story and I hope he gets talked about more!

- I also really liked Linus’ portrayal of Tom, considering what he had to work with and playing with the ‘grown’ version of Harry’s Tom. I think he made the character his own and it really came through on screen.

- I don’t know much about how movies are made but it felt like it was well edited in the first 1/3 of the film? A very clear separation between time periods, different locations and scenes were well set up for callbacks later in the movie, etc, etc. 

- The best scenes with that included Harry were ones were he wasn’t talking. I know, I know, but let me explain. Personally, I found lot of the scenes where he was with Patrick and Marion sensually/sexually showed a lot more of his acting. There wasn’t many of these (I’ll get to that later) but so many of the scenes with Patrick where they were just ~together~ showed off his potential. One of my favourite scenes was them (post-coitus) on Patricks couch with Tom lying in his lap smoking a cigarette from Patrick’s hand. So simple! Yet so effective! I just found these scenes more convincing and conveyed Harry’s character a lot more. Harry acts very well with his facial features, his hands, his eyes, his body, etc, etc. 

Things I didn’t like: 

- Harry’s acting. It felt like he was reading his lines a lot of the movie. I don’t want to call it bland because I truly don’t want to be harsh and I do think his charisma and charm works in some parts of the film. He was very... dull at times? And I know this is how he sounds, and how he talks, and who he is, but the point of acting is to work past that, and personally, I couldn’t see past ‘Harry Styles-in-a-movie’ because he just sounded like himself reading lines for Tom Burgess. In a film, I feel like your voice should have levels? Fluidity? Depending on the scene you should sound different and bring a different energy. And most times, it felt all the same level to me. In hindsight, it makes a lot of sense that most of the trailers include glances and touches and kisses because those were truly his best scenes.

I think the worst of it is the scene where Tom tells Marion Patrick was arrested. Tom returns home and is obviously freaking the fuck out, and for most of it Tom is just…. not on screen?? He is blabbing about rightfully loosing his shit about his circumstance, and the shot is on Marion the whole time. It looked like the scene was meant to go back and forth on them because Marion didn’t look like the intended focus, so I think Harry’s lines were literally ADRed in (and we KNOW he did ADR for this film)... such an odd choice and ultimately fucked up a very important scene that sets up the rest of the film’s plot. I am so proud of Harry and what he was able to accomplish with this film, though I do believe he needs more experience in the field. 

- I hated how Harry/Tom was portrayed as the most charming and handsome and sexy man and almost nothing else. Like Marion explains to Julia why she likes Tom over Patrick and Marions basically like ‘because he’s dumb and hot?’ It gave him little range as a character, and though the whole movie was focused on him, it felt like he had no personality besides being gay, closeted and sexy. There was this scene before Patrick draws Tom where Tom says “i’VE neVER mODeLeD BeFOrE” like 😐 was it really necessary for Harry Styles TM to break the forth wall like that..... hence why it felt like I was watching the ‘Harry-Styles-gay-cop-movie’ because thats literally what it was most of the time. 

- I didn’t really find this very poignant in the book, but the movie makes it seem like Patrick is taking advantage of Tom’s innocence and mentions their age difference a few times. From my understanding Tom was a “virgin” (I use that term very loosely) before meeting Patrick. I also disliked that in many of their first sex scenes, either Tom was drunk and making advances, or both of them were. I found the book was better at making them equals but establishing that Patrick has lived experience and trauma as a queer man in England, rather than the film’s subtext of ‘he’s taking advantage of someone who hasn’t come to terms with their sexuality yet’. 

- MANY important plot points that fleshed out the characters and gave a lot of context to Marion’s ignorance were only included in the movie for shock value. It was extremely disappointing. JULIA. They massacred my girl (figuratively). I’m actually so mad over this. Her role in the book was so well done and in the film she has maybe two scenes?? And in one of them she comes out as a lesbian?? Like the point of including her in the book as a close friend of Marion’s shows that Marion doesn’t realize the existence and importance of queer people in her own life. Having an established relationship between Julia and Marion ultimately showcases her ignorance later in the book for both Julia and Patricks (and Toms) identity. I also think they should have alluded to the fact that Marion’s letter was written while Tom and Patrick were in Venice. Aka show the audience she’s mad, show she’s trying to figure out what to do next (50/50, phone a friend, ask the audience, SOMETHING!!) If you give the audience a little something to go off of, kind of .. letting us know she was doing some scheming to get back at them while they were away, a reveal at the end of the movie feels earned and appropriate. Don’t reveal she’s the one who wrote the letter in fucking a 1999 scene 40 years later and use for purely shock value??? so disappointing. 

- There was a lot of sex. Which I completely understand, due to the context of the film and exactly how they decided to showcase and differentiate the relationships between Tom/Marion and Tom/Patrick. Though at times it felt as though there was nothing else for them to show of their relationships? Tom and Marion had multiple scenes where they were arguing or getting into petty fights with each other, which was in turn the basis for their uneventful sex life. Tom and Patrick were clearly interested and deeply cared for each other as they were risking so much as gay individuals in the 1950s, though not much was explored after their first sex scene. Sure Patrick was able to show Tom his interests in art and culture (which Tom would in turn show to Marion) though past that first Tom/Marion/Patrick focus of the film, and besides a mention of Patrick’s past lover that went to prison, it died out. I would have loved to see more sensual scenes between Tom and Patrick not post-sex, not pre-sex, as I think there was a lot more to unpack about who they are as queer people and aspects of their personality that they see in each other that are unrelated to sex. It almost feels like movie kind of places them together and then has them fuck each other just because they both like guys. Maybe it’s because you don’t see much of queer Tom outside of his relationship with Patrick 🤷‍♀️ idk.

- As mentioned before there’s A LOT of sex in this movie. And guess who the main focus is for most of these scenes? You guessed it! Tom. It didn’t surprise me obviously, because ‘sex sells’ is literally tattooed to every HSHQ employees forehead.. but like... after the fourth or fifth ~Harry orgasm noise~ I’m just not interested. I would have rather had a couple of those scenes replaced with Patrick and Tom drinking together, talking (not pre or post-sex), or eat a meal together. Literally anything other than fuck. To the anon who asked: it’s not p*rnographic but its not something I’d recommend watching with your parents (I’m taking my mom to see it Saturday, I’ll keep you updated). It’s HBO level sex scenes: so you can see peoples asses, legs, arms, chests/nipples, (feet if you’re Universals first gay romantic comedy BROS) and peoples faces while they fuck. Hence all the ~Harry orgasm noises and faces~. 

TDLR; not a bad film but not a great one. I preferred the book over the film, though I do think parts of the film were fleshed out better than the book (and vice versa). I think Harry has potential as an actor but should go for supporting roles first before taking on these huge commitments where he has big shoes to fill. Rating: 6.5-7 letters declaring your husbands lover is a closeted gay man out of 10.

#my policeman spoilers #mp spoilers #mp #my policeman

[piglii]

btw I have not finished Umineko (I’m literally on the last leg of Episode 8, shortly after an important jump happens) but I’m so gushing with things to say about that I feel like I need to type this all out now (will start with impressions that are non-spoilery and go into impressions that are big spoilers. there will be a dividing line which I earnestly recommend you do not cross if you have any interest reading it yourself.)

anyways

Non-Spoiler Section

Absolutely 10/10 for me. Can feel like a climb at times but that feeling increasingly goes away as you get used to the pacing. Any fumbles Umineko has for me personally are so small in the grander scope of what it’s doing that it doesn’t even feel worth acknowledging them. Literally a story that is going to affect my view on life. I really fell for the charm of Ryukishi’s goofy ass old sprites too after a while, it’s really compelling to me that Ryukishi was able to make such a good, earnest story while having kind of limited drawing ability. I’m dead ass serious, it’s really inspirational. The quality of the writing and voice acting especially is so good that after a short while you kind of don’t even process that the sprites look kind of silly-goofy at all. I highly recommend playing with the original sprites and voice acting if you can.

And the music! holy shit I can’t imagine getting through this story without the music! The fucking 1800′s pipe organ songs one minute, intense trance the next, distorted choir singing, a mellow beat that’s sampling that fucking ambulance siren! Probably my top faves are Infant Queen Bee, Golden Nocturne, far, Rain, Daydream’s End, Fall, Miragecoordinator, Melting Away, Dead Angle, Hope and probably like 15 more I’m forgetting. Absolute banger of a soundtrack. Virtually no misses and the ones that hit, HIT. I think I have spent nearly as much time listening to the soundtrack in between sessions as I have just playing the game itself.

I won’t go into detail about what the central messages of Umineko are because they could ostensibly be spoilers but they are pretty fucking hard to miss. If you have two eyeballs and a brain you will probably figure them out as you go because Ryukishi is NOT subtle about what he wants to say. He will smash you with a hammer making sure you get it. But it’s less of a giant metal warhammer and more of a little wooden mallet that he’s just hitting on your knee every 20 minutes to make sure you’re awake and following along.

The writing honestly can be very... it straddles the line between very straightforward descriptions and waxing very poetic about a particular topic. I won’t even say it’s particularly the best prose ever or anything - I think Ryukishi’s biggest talent is simply in how he’s able to convey the characters by always having a really solid understanding of how they react to things. Maybe his worst flaw is that sometimes he includes a scene or concept where I’m like  “oh Ryukishi just thought this would be super fucking cool” but I can’t even hate because most of the time it is super fucking cool actually. Umineko is so dripping with earnest cheesiness in a lot of its delivery and character interactions that I can’t help but like it most of the time. Granted I am biased because I do enjoy stuff that is earnestly cheesy like 90% of the time. The goofy ass anime interactions characters sometimes have are used just sparingly enough and contrasted with the serious scenes that I found pretty much all of it enjoyable for what it was. 

Be warned it is 150+ hours (faster if you are just reading but seriously those voice actors are top tier, big recommend) but it really needs... at least most of that time. I struggle to find a single exact point that I would shorten any part of Umineko because so much of it really is required to understand what the story’s going for but at the same time sometimes Ryukishi does love to sit you down and talk about the process of liquidating gold into cash money for 30 minutes. A lot of the worst of that is in the first episode to be honest so if you can get past that you’re probably golden. It’s got a hell of a hook by the end of episode 1. Go in as blind as possible and enjoy yourself.

 And now, for the spoilers.

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Spoiler Section

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Don’t Go Beyond This Point If You Haven’t Read It, Seriously Holy Fuck!!!

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Seriously, The Author Wants You To Go In Blind!

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Alright.

All the losers are gone let’s partay.

Heads up I’m a little blasted so this might be a bit scrambled and all around the place so sorry, just writing stuff as I think about it.

I really adore the way that Beatrice is in literally every layer of this story. Like the concept of the masses being in such a rush to figure out what the truth of the Rokkenjima Massacre is that they end up literally trampling over the deeply embedded and sad story of Beatrice really gets to me. Like, the people who are looking at the Massacre from the angle that she even “exists” at all literally only see Beatrice as a piece in their own constructed games, an explanation that’s just one step to figuring out what was really important. But of course, Beatrice IS the heart of the story. The whole family is arranged around her like a web and she’s right at the center. She’s in every possible layer of this story that she can be, she’s the connecting fabric of everything important.

Also I really adored Battler and Ange as characters. It’s rare that a main character feels so relatable but I ended up really enjoying his personality by around episode 2 or 3. He’s just so stupid but also earnest and flustered. Try to give him a slight pass on episode 1 because he is supposed to be kind of dumb and immature on purpose... even if it probably could’ve been toned down maybe just a bit. He gets better, I promise.

(btw literally been here. so relatable.)

anyways moving on. Ange. absolutely enjoyed the hell out of her story in episode 4 and was so glad to see that she’s basically the conclusion to the whole Ushiromiya family story in the final episode as well. also, her being the focus of this really inspirational message of what it means to move forward with your life was really well done. it’s insane to me that people are still out there trying to “figure out” the mystery when Umineko tells you as bluntly as it possibly can that it doesn’t really matter - finding out what “really” happened can’t bring closure no matter what and holding and walking this tenuous tightrope between belief and non-belief is a better way to live. her goodbye with the family and battler was about where it got me pretty good I could not fucking hold back crying at that.

and speaking of the family at large, I really like pretty much all of them! even the stinkers are fun to make fun of. also, Eva in particular is the milf of all time for me, personally. in fact thinking on it the only character I can really think that still rubs me badly (even though it is of course entirely intentional that the reader feels this way) is Rosa. good fucking lord the moments of episode 4 with Maria and Rosa’s relationship being explored (or rather, the complete lack of it except for the spouts of child abuse) really hit me. that... is probably the most I’ve ever been emotionally effected by a piece of media in a long ass time, it was a rough chapter to get through. that said ryukishi’s understanding of domestic abuse is fucking incredible, does not surprise me that he was a social worker before working on VNs. beyond even just that dynamic he clearly has an understanding of the kind of broken adults that come out of highly abusive households. the final game of episode 8 with ange getting to see this world that could theoretically have been real had kinzo chosen love in the future versus love in the past was so sincerely sweet to me. sorry I am a sucker for sappy shit, it got me.

anyways let’s talk about the illusions. loved them all too. feels obvious to say but Beatrice is one of the characters of all time. also really liked Ronove, his and battler’s occasional moments of being bros out of nowhere were really enjoyable to me. also sorry gamers Virgilia is another milf of all time. loved her tender and sweet personality. but as for beatrice and co as a whole - I do enjoy what Ryukishi has to say about fiction. Indulging too much of your life in fiction is ultimately harmful but it can be a valuable crutch to people who are dealing with life or even just people who could stand to learn and grow more. it’s also such a loving letter to mystery as a genre, you can really tell Ryukishi was going hog for mystery at the time. and it does work as a completely conventional mystery too - figuring out stuff as you go and putting the pieces slowly together is a huge blast! I loved the scenes where he’s clearly celebrating that with the readers who tried their best to understand the story.

I managed to avoid most spoilers - the ones I saw beforehand were really minor and didn’t really help me in putting the mystery together - that said, I really only figured out that Shannon and Kanon were being performed by the same person not terribly long before the game revealed it pretty directly - I think only a few hours ahead of time. that said, I really did give it my all, I’m just not super good at mysteries. I did pick up on some hints early on, like being able to figure out some of the early closed rooms but I didn’t have enough context to join them all together and realize the Truth before the game spelled it out for me. and tbh, that’s fine! I loved how the game congratulated people who simply try to figure it out for themselves, regardless of if they’re successful.

btw it also took me so fucking long to read because I was reading it side by side with a friend (who had read the manga but not the VN) and we basically set it up to auto play (with japanese voice acting + the original sprites of course.) we’d play intermittently roughly every few months in leaps and progress little by little. I can’t fucking believe I wasn’t spoiled on any of the major elements playing like that, it’s a fucking miracle. we started reading it on and off like that nearly two years ago now but honestly it was worth.

god I have so many thing I could spend rambling on about this manga but it genuinely is up there with, like, War and Peace and Crime and Punishment and I’m not even joking. there’s some of what I would call “Goofy Anime Bullshit” that happens (and it’s especially coated in that layer of stuff you only really got in the late aughts anime communities) but even that I found pretty enjoyably silly after a short period of time and just ended up rolling with it. if you know someone who can see past that layer of Goofy Anime Bullshit and enjoys reading 150+ hour long visual novels, this is the thing for them.

and speaking of the length boy fucking howdy. it’s worth it. the amount of time dedicated to fleshing out every character and making me understand what kind of person they are underneath everything else really makes me appreciate everybody in this fucked up family unit. it’s not something you could replicate in a movie or any reasonably lengthy manga. the magic of getting to know the whole family, flaws and all, really sells you on what a tragedy it is regardless of what happened. there are so many early scenes where I was like, “okay what’s the point of this” that I look back in hindsight and I’m either like "oh that was actually super fucking important and I just didn’t realize it” or “oh this was giving me time to become familiar with this character.” fuck man, I even liked Hideyoshi and he almost didn’t do shit!

btw I got the culprits in bernkastel’s game figured out in one try (with the help of my friend bouncing ideas off of eachother)

feels good, feels organic, thank you, etc

anyways... I think that about wraps it up for me... honestly just a stellar game. It feels like one of those things where I’m going to catch myself thinking about the themes and what it was trying to say, just like Disco Elysium or a lot of Wildbow’s works or EEAAO. It almost makes me wish this story was in a more conventional book form because I think you could tell the core of what’s there but at the same time I don’t think it’d be worth losing all the other aspects that make it so memorable. It’s going to have probably 1/100th the readers it could have just for being a long VN rather than a long book series but I’d honestly rather have it this way. It’s such a weirdly specific gem of that era of internet-anime culture that I think the time has already passed that anything quite like it could come out. What a special little piece of media.  If I have more to say after finishing out the ending proper I‘ll probably just edit my impressions on to this post and reblog again at a later date.

EDIT: It is now two days later and I have finished everything, including the last “????” segment. My thoughts on the ending - I liked it. It’s very sweet and depending on how you want to interpret certain facets of what you see, it can be read several different ways. Of course the way the narrative is set up, it very much wants you to pick the most optimistic interpretation but I like that there’s always room to explore just a bit. The point of whether Beatrice as a witch is real or not is entirely beside the point almost - there was a woman named Beatrice who brought happiness to her family (at least, in one world) as well as she could given her fucked up circumstances. That’s honestly all there really is to say on it. I can very much vibe with that message.

I was also earnestly expecting the last scene of Umineko to be even more bittersweet than it ended up being - I was really waiting for the very last scene to be Ange literally throwing away the key to Eva’s diary into the ocean. That is kind of what happens in a way, and the scenes in which they do explore Ange opening the diary and reading it are left deliberately obscure (as they should be) but I was really expecting it to be even more poignant than that. I was thinking Ange would literally never see the diary in any part of the story the reader saw at any point. It would’ve been very Titanic-esque in a way - Ange throwing away the only way for her to even possibly know what happened on Rokkenjima. The story does effectively do this, kind of, anyways, it’s just a lot more roundabout.

But yeah. Supremely sweet story. I will probably be thinking about it for much of my life.

#my posts #umineko #umineko spoilers #spoilers: I liked it #I'm thinking I'll have the last little bit finished literally sometime this week or maybe the weekend

[lightlycareless]

Chapter 37 - thoughts.

Heya everyone!

Here are chapter 37's notes!! The long awaited continuation of the Naoya's sick saga hehe.

As required of me, I highly recommend reading the chapter first, unless you want out of context spoilers 😂 which you can read right over here!

Without further ado, spoilers underneath the cut, and happy reading!

Now chapter 37… let’s start with the things that were not supposed to happen.

Y/N and Naoya getting along hahahah

I intended his whole sickness to be nothing more than her just pushing through it, not talking to him, not even looking at him—nothing. Tend him and then NEXT.

But when I got down to writing the chapter, it happened. I couldn’t keep Y/N and Naoya apart. And I don’t think I wanted to honestly.

My main worry when writing their dynamics was making it appear as if Y/N moved on so quickly from all that occurred with him. Like, just one situation that she’s forced to be in and now she’s forgiven him and back to being buddies—but I’d like to think I managed, and if anything, we got to see her perspective of this marriage.

I plan to expand more on it in the future, but for now I think I can say is: Y/N wanted the marriage to work. She wanted to see Naoya treat her nicely for a change, desperately so, that you can briefly read in the chapter how she’s trying to excuse his behavior just because she doesn’t want to be proven wrong again.

The way she goes on saying things like “well, if he didn’t have it in him, then he wouldn’t, right?” just to hold onto the hope that she’s truly going to see her family soon (and a brighter future for their union), and not his words being just a side effect of his sickness 😭 that ending scene was really, really sad. But very satisfying from a writer’s pov lol I think I managed to convey what I wanted to write in the end.

The other thing I wanted to show is the contrast between the two, and how ironic it seems to be. Like, Naoya is the heir, right, he’s essentially the next leader of the clan and is bound to get all them goods in due time, but the moment he makes a mistake he’s quickly dethroned, stripped of all those commodities as a way of punishment.

While Y/N, who has destroyed her reputation with most, is treated way better than him. We’ve seen them, how they act and whatnot. They don’t have alliances, not even with themselves. All of this must be so crazy for Y/N lol considering how close her family were, but oh well, different upbringings.

In the end I suppose Y/N never thought she’d actually find some similarities with Naoya—or anything outside of him being an absolute monster. Seeing him act like an actual human was baffling to her, MORE SO WHEN HE SEEMED TO TAKE THEIR MARRIAGE SERIOUSLY? I mean, only on the ring part, which took her by storm because Y/N didn’t believe him to be actually loyal to her.

And let’s not even get into the loneliness factor. (more on that later) Y/N can’t wrap her head around the fact that Naoya, as revered as he is, is completely alone. Like, throughout the days she’s been there with him no one has bothered to visit him outside of the staff doing their job. Not even Ranta! (Although he’s working—I was planning on writing a scene with him but I decided it was too much and doesn’t really add to the story; but yeah, he’s still a good friend, probably visited when she’s not around)

Anyways, someone of my readers commented that they were shocked Naoya was loyal, and I’m going to be real with y’all: Naoya might cheat, it’s like, super likely, HOWEVER, I like to think that with his one and only that is out of the question.

Also, he grew up seeing his father actively cheating on his mother, and we all know he does NOT like Naobito. So, he might engage into multiple relationships, but never formalize them, or keep them like one-night stands…. Soooo technically he’s not cheating?

This part of him is really intricate. In the way that even when he already set his eyes on Y/N he was going out with other women? But they weren’t together so there’s that. It’s just his need for affection motivating him to do that, once he was married, everyone else ceased to exist.

Either way, these things really opened her heart to be sensitive to him.  She’s taking these changes as an omen for the best; the light at the end of the tunnel. Let’s pray he doesn’t break that trust again.

Also, I took this opportunity to briefly mention what happened in the honeymoon hahaha I felt like I skipped over that part so quickly, it’s like it almost didn’t happen. But yeah, Y/N remembers that alright, although I don’t think she wants to 😅 I’m still considering whether to write more of it or not… I shall decide on it later hehe.

From there, their scenes together omg the fluffy ones I mean, my favorite one has to be the hand holding one. It was so cute!!! Or feeding him, or dressing him up in general; I really, really want to see more domestic stuff between the two, and fortunately, there’s a bit more in the next chapter :> heheheh (also I wanted to give y’all something sweet after chapters of angst. I was over the moon when yall told me you liked it 🥺❤️)

P.S. I wanted to reveal this later, but when writing this chapter my playlist just kept on putting this song, coincidentally, the one that reminds me the most of Naoya and Y/N.

There’s one more chapter left for the Naoya’s sickness saga and then… that chapter I think idk I gotta see how the plot line goes lol but yeah, we’re very close to something I’ve been wanting to show for the longest 2.0 I swear all was pointing to that!!! Kfgvakjsgajkgsajkgasjgaj oof. I just hope I played all my moves correctly.

And that’s it for this chapter’s notes! I don’t really have much else to add, since I think most of it was in the chapter anyways, but if you want me to go deeper into something I’ll be more than happy to do so! ❤️

Thank you so much for coming back for another update!! This story is my absolute joy and I can’t wait to go through the rest!!! Majkgkagjka I hope everything is satisfactory ❤️

Once again, thank you for your support ❤️❤️❤️ Take care, and hope to see you next update!!

#thought series: first it hurts— #naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader #naoya zenin x you