#but fucking HELL I wish i was normal

[the-yearning-astronaut]

.

#tbd #☉ #lemme start by prefacing this with I KNOW there's no real normal way to be human #ok i get that #but fucking HELL I wish i was normal #i wish my health was normal for my age #i wish i wasn't fucking. neurodivergent #im fine with being queer but ffs why am i in between normal queer and accepted Aroace-ness #why am i abnormal in that regard too #i wish I didn't alienate people i wish i didn't have to explain why im extra quiet and moody and minutes from a meltdown #i wish my hands and feet wouldn't swell up and hurt and burn and I wish i could take a fucking shower without feeling dread #because i had the water temp set to hot and now im dizzy and my heart is racing and im overheating -- alternatively I wish #i didn't feel so self conscious because i DONT shower every day or even every other day like i dont like when my hair goes limp either! #and i use deodorant everyday and wipe off when i can but i have fuckin Let's Sweat Buckets For No Reason Disorder so i always look and feel #like a drowned rat. im tired of being tired but not being able to sleep. im tired of not being able to explain that yes its really not you #its me. me wanting to be alone has nothing to do with you ok its my brain deciding to fuckin shut down because everything is too much rn #& idk how to tell you that im at my wits end but if you treat me with kidd gloves i WILL go off like a fuckin bomb. just treat me NORMAL ffs #just treat me normal 😭 i just want to be normal. i want to be able to sit down and just do my application stuff instead of #staring at a blank document for weeks and then wanting to throw things as the deadline approaches ( #its due friday and i have absolutely nothing written lmao) and idk if its executive dysfunction or anxiety or my tendancey to self sabotage #but either way im so fuckin fucked. im NOT in the headspace rn for writing a graduate school application letter. #trying hard not to cry rn bcs my friend and her parents are sleeping already bcs they have a 9-5 sleeping schedule to fit their 9-5 jobs #like i dont even have a normal sleeping schedule lmao mine's 2-10. i just don't understand why im so broken or whatever. not normal. #& i feel bad for bitching about it all bcs objectively i have a pretty decent life. i have a home i have food i have a family that loves me #im just back to feeling like im too much and also not enough and im so fuckin lonely. im tired of feeling lonely. and i think #ive got a platonic crush or two. or something. and idk how to handle that anymore. if i ever did. #idk idk i feel like im back to looking at the world and passersby through frosted glass again.

[danwhobrowses]

What's this? My skin, cleared? My crops, watered!? My heart, soaring!!??

Callowmoore softness, comfort and sleeping beside each other my FUCKING BELOVED!

#at the same time Zathuda motherfucker you BACK THE FUCK OFF #kill that bastard! kill him dead! or let me kill him: I'm ready I'll fucking do it! #is Fearne on 2 or 1 points of Exhaustion now? Kiki got rid of 2 but was it a long enough rest? #if 2 maybe sneak in some Ashton carrying Fearne next ep since she'll have half speed - also returning the favour from her carrying them #regardless both still need a rest to get rid of the last one before Aeor - another chance for cuddles #Essek glad you're back but you need to be very calm about the dunamancy in Ashton's head a lot is going on rn #maybe gently inform him that the hells have like 7 potions of possibility too... #damn I wish my skin was clear in real life XD but I got all the comfort I wanted from the two and more #Zathuda interruption and shadow fight with evil Fearnes though was not ordered #this is still the same night as FCG exploding let them rest Matthew! #I am not normal about them and I don't want to be normal about them I'm just AAAAAAAAAAAAA #callowmoore #fearne calloway #ashton greymoore #fearne x ashton #ashton x fearne #rockwild #ashley johnson #taliesin jaffe #critical role #cr3 spoilers #cr3e94 #bell's hells #bells hells #cr3 #cr campaign 3 #thank you tal and ashley #tag reader bonus hc: the hells all get FCG's grass logo tattooed on them

[homoeroticgrappling]

GCWrestling sold out tonight in Rochester. Watch MDKHAUSEN Vs VIF on FiteTV app.

#I cannot pretend to be normal about this #logically I knew he played the drums #but seeing it is like getting hit round the head with a 2x4 I'm seeing stars I feel DIZZY I need medical assistance #sorry I looked at his arms and I feel like I'm dying oh mY GOD #the way he's staring into the camera 95% of the time. fucking hell he's attractive #this is life ruining to me personally #barking whining howling scratching at the door #wish I was a drum kit so he'd bang me on camer-I MEAN WHAT. who said that #watched this more times than I care to admit #GCW #Danhausen

[causeimanartist]

unemployment hell 🤝

on all levels but physical I am gifting you a hot chocolate and a soft blanket, beloved

I would love nothing more

#my art #causeimanartist #drawing of me #thank you for the sweet message 💙 #I wish this was physically me but it was like 80 degrees today and I'm a sweaty bitch #I want sweater weather so I can look cute and drink hot chocolate from my extensive mug collection #have I ever revealed that fact? that I collect mugs? #99% of them aren't even for drinking - I have them sitting on my dresser and book shelves #holding trinkets and scrunchies #ya know - normal mug tasks #hopefully we both escape unemployment hell soon #I had an interview last Friday but then haven't heard anything since so :( #back to LinkedIn my fucking enemy #all it suggests to me are either legal assistant roles (never again please - I'm over lawyers and law firms) #or perfect jobs for me that aren't in my state #like sir #stop suggesting museum positions in dc #that's the wrong side of the country

[hannahwashington]

okay yeah im gonna start being abnormal again. have you guys heard that i am fucking obsessed with time loops

#the fact that ive only written ONE fic w it... i should do an until dawn time loop. #wish i knew more movies that utilised them too i only know FOUR and one is a SEQUEL #(groundhog day. day after tomorrow. happy death day + 2u) #which is to say if you have recs lmk #ANYWAYS. THEYRE SO. OOUUGGAAAHHHHHH. THEYRE SUCH A DELECTABLE CONCEPT. #SUCH A DELICIOUS STORYTELLING DEVICE #guys when they see someone endure the same horrors over and over and over again trying so hard to break free in vain #whether those horrors are being stuck in an average town you couldnt care less for or a killer stalking your every move #but in the end they learn. they grow. they come to love the mundane. learn the name and life of every person in that town. #come to find love in an unexpected place. a softness you would have rejected before it all started. #and it is through this growth that the curse is broken. through love. IT ALL CIRCLES BACK TO LOVE BABY FFFUCKING HELL #yeah im very normal about them :) #EDIT WAIT FUCK NO ITS EDGE OF TOMORROW. THOSE ARE VERY SIMILAR MOVIE NAMES OKAY

[srldesigns6277]

.

#personal #sometimes i wish i knew what it was like to be someone people want to talk to #or at least had students who could listen to what i say for just five minutes #god i hate yelling then they say thats all i do when if i talked normally no one fucking listens #then i take it way too hard when they say they dont like me when at least i stepped up to take their class #a class that had already ran off one teacher #but no im too useless because i actually make them do work and tried to have rules #last year was hard but at least i felt fulfilled by the end of the year with all my classes #i have never craved the end of the year so much or as much as i have this year #its not even both classes either its just this one that makes me dread working with them as much as they apparently hate me #sadly i can understand why their teacher left #and i know im not the best replacement since im learning how to teach them as they learn from me #but im just tired #its only a month left but i am so ready to never see any of them again #but depression does as it does and makes me question if im even good enough to get another job #one actually teaching my correct subject that i love #i hope like hell that i get a job and one i really want because i dont want to have to come back to this school #*it has the most substitute jobs #i dont like being loud even if no one believes me i dont like being mean though i know when i have too i just dont feel good enough #if i was i think i would have a job by now i mean im 28 and its been 5 schools in 5 years #sorry being sad on main #if you read this #thanks

[torchickentacos]

#vent post #ok to rb without screenshotting the tags but idk why you'd do that anyways #I'm once again wishing every fellow adult living with their parents a very 'I'm sorry o7' #mom's getting on my case about 'not wanting to be part of the family' #but if dinners are always silent and uncomfortable with all of us not talking then I think it's normal for me to leave the table #when I'm done eating. it's not 'not wanting to be part of the family' it's just not wanting to be somewhere awkward as hell lmfao #like oh okay sorry let me sit here for another fifteen minutes silently bc y'all ignore every conversation I try to start. jesus christ. #goddddddddddddddddddd fuck the housing market lmao #I love my family but I'd like them a hell of a lot more if I didn't live here #a little distance does wonders #anywaysssss sending love to everyone else who is perpetually stuck at home. esp oldest siblings and ill folk 🤝 #we'll get out eventually #no more silent dinners and people who find your optimism and attempts to lighten the mood to be juvenile #stay miserable and pragmatic and 'realist'. no joy or whimsy. fucking whatever. I'm not sinking down to cynicism. #what's the opposite of being the moody black sheep of the family lmao. I'm the only one who seems to enjoy being unserious #ok. vent over but fr anyone else stuck at home when they don't want to be: i love you and we'll figure it out in time. things WILL work out #delete later???

[pennamepersona]

worst thing that ever happened to me wrt reading ace attorney fic is learning the difference between a cravat and a jabot

#ace attorney #my life is fucking over #if i could stop being pedantic i would. #i have to live this way all the time #but it's too late it's incurable #i know edgeworth wears a jabot and as a result i suffer every day #worst part is that a jabot and a cravat don't even look similar #apparently cravat can mean a few different things depending on where you're from #esp wrt ascots and like. normal ties #but generally it's like #a thick tie with some kind of fancy knot i guess #vs a jabot which is lace or frills #literally edgeworth's frilly thing is not even CLOSE to being a cravat #and knowing that makes my life a living hell #it's a jabot and i wish i didn't know and i wish even more that i didn't care #but I'm stuck this way

[arvoze]

the power i will receive in a matter of days will be astounding. watch out

#i am making this post to ramble. idk if it will actually change anything but i am trying 2 be hopeful . #ive been very. Rough all month thus far both physically and mentally and occasionally both at the same time #i am just hoping tht wat i am getting soon will help me do things bc ive rly had no energy to do anything at alllllll #and i rly dont want to like. Explode i would like to get things done #i have things i owe to people!!! i just dont have the spoons to do it Ever and it piles iup and up in my head #it fucking blows dude i have been stuck in a horrendous loop for like almost 6 months #i just want 2 be normal u know . i am hoping something will change soon #if it does not change in the nesxt few days when my shit arrives i think im like. Done For in general #like if im unable to get anything done in the next few days then i am going to very seriously have to reconsider #literally everything i do online i think. its a bit fucked up #ik it sounds like an exaggeration bu there is noooo way in hell i am Surviving like tihs !!!!!!! slash srs #i wish twitter circles did not die so i cold blow up in there bu back to ye olde norm of tumblr tags will have to do #also it feels less invasive so like. win for me ig. i do miss rambling nonstop in tags #i miss tumblr!! i miss a lot of old stuff. reminiscing for reasons both good and bad. the tumblr stuff is the good side tho #anyways i have been slowly chipping away at writing thigns this month and ik its like. not a lot at all. #but its a lot to *me* and when youre someone whos only capable of doing so mch its like. a big deal #(im writing pmdnd stuff finally getting back into gear nd stuff i have been trying to slowly draw the npcs #that ive made whilst trying to recover in other areas bu rghghrghgrgr i dont ewant to draw #i havent wanted to draw in a long long time blows up) #i shuld. stop typing actually i am rambling too much i jsujt have nowhere to mindlessly ramble anymore technicaly #i dont want to bug my friends w me being unwell all the time DFJKGHDFKGFG #mayne i will try to ccontinue with the npcs. we will see based on if i post again in the next 30 minutes

[sodalite-lite]

win for prettyboys that name their knives

#soda draws #soda cringe comp #i'm the king of drawing characters on blank backgrounds #taleblr #i'm so upset that i can't do my work this weekend #like i've only been able to sleep and read assoep. fuckin hell #<- not that that's bad i just have things to do #fucking. wish i could have my 3-4 day of recovery in 2 or 1 so i could actually do the things i'm required and expected to do #sorry for venting a little in the tags. i generally only really draw jimmy when i'm upset or having an Illness moment #unless there's an Event or something. because i'm normal about him #i'm going to bed

[hershelchocolate]

Oddly enough I feel like now is the perfect time to write my next Lyf fic. I've been wanting to do it for a while, but Whisper Court has kept me too busy to write anything else. Now that that's mostly done, I'm free to write some fic and my cold is mostly gone so my brain isn't melting anymore

I'm still hurt I am still Injured but oddly enough. It makes writing the fic I have in mind more appropriate. I just still, after all this time, cannot come up with an excuse for why Monsters Lyf would be injured for multiple days in a row

#i gave them regenerative abilities AND the ability to numb pain if they need to #how the hell am i gonna write a fic where their arm Remains injured for a long period of time (like a week #randy rambles #a little bit of personal stuff past this point but. being injured sucks ass #i hate it here man i fucking hate it here i injured myself AGAIN in a desperate bid to feel normal again #which. is exactly why i feel like i need to write this #everything im thinking and feeling right now is exactly the kind of thing i wanted to explore in this fic #i just. kind of wish it didnt have to happen to me to get me to make it #i just want to go through a day without pain again. at least lyf gets that choice #edit: i wrote oddly enough TWICE in this post im going to fucking explode

[princemick-archive]

2022 Abu Dhabi GP // AT All Access

#god how I wish this was filmed normally and not in the back of a car bc fucking hell this man is hyperfocused on yuki #f1 #formula 1 #pierre gasly #alpha tauri #kyle.gif #f1edit #tauri.pierre #yukierre

[franeridan]

nah man I get hancock I really do if I had to pick a single man in the whole history of the world to fall for I'd pick luffy too, who are we kidding

#i love kuja island its a cool spin on the amazon myth and all the designs for the girls are extremely fun #i wish luffy had spent more active on screen time there the girls are fun #also i never spent too long thinking about it but it makes sense kuma would send him there #since he was trying to hide him and that's like #the only island that's completely off limits for anyone who's not a resident #smart thinking ! #also during the fight with the sisters they talk about conqueror haki and i thought about how zoro has it and #UGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he loves luffy so much!!! HE LOVES LUFFY SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! #it's LITERALLY in his very nature to stand at the top and follow noone and he still loves luffy so much he'd follow him to hell #he said so!!! on page!!!!! he would!!!!!!!!! #they repeat it a whole lot during the manga too #how a man like zoro could be a captain himself #how it's weird there's someone above him #he loves luffy so much he goes against everything anyone would expect of him to stay by him....... p l e a s e 😭😭😭 #on a slightly unrelated not just before being sent away nami looks at luffy and Cries and Asks for Help and luffy can't save her and I just #AUUUGHHHHH the callback!!! to her arc!!!!! and how while he tries to get back on the sea luffy thinks about her specifically!!!!!! #FUCK!!!!!!! #I'm fine I'm normal I'm not crying about something i first read 14 years ago what are you talking about hahahahaha

[saintsarefake]

tiktok and tumblr stop stalking the ex victim of a stalker to send him photos of his stalker and re-traumatize him challenge

#also stop saying he's the one in the wrong and stalking his ex-girlfriend to harass her/traumatize her challenge #also also stop glorifying the show challenge #(99.9% of people fail this challenge :00) #bruh it was the most liked comment on a tik tok video saying that he purposely made her uglier than she was (she was an ugly fuck to start) #i don't fat shame normally but i will 100% fat shame that bitch to the point of body dysmorphia and hope she suffers horribly in the future #never the actress tho she was great #if i see ANYONE coming for the actress i'm throwing hands #also darrien i hope he steps on a lego and overdoses on his drugs #actually i wish both experience what it was like for donny all the fear all the pain all the trauma everything i hope they know the sufferi #anyway i just finished baby reindeer and holy SHIT i have never related to a character more since i first saw angel dust #fuck martha and darrien #there's a special place in hell for them #and when i die and go down to hell i'm going to make them wish they were with them six limbed devils #psa; THIS IS ABOUT REAL PEOPLE THEY'RE NOT CHARACTERS #end of my rant now this pissed me off with how people are so hyper focused on martha and everything about her that it makes it seem like sh #+e is the only good person here and the only victim because OF SOME SOPPY FUCKING DUMB STORY AT THE END WHERE HER PARENTS FOUGHT FUCK HER N #+O ONE LOVES YOU AND I HOPE NO ONE EVER LOVES YOU TIK TOK SHE IS NOT THE VICTIM DONNY IS AND YOU ARE ALL TOO DUMB TO REALISE PAST YOUR HYPE #+R FEMENIST ALL MEN ARE EVIL BULLSHIT #*sigh* #i'm fine i swear #i'll delete this later maybe #if i remember it

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy #been feeling weird as hell these past few months #like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days #or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day #idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this #just thinking #meposting #I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying #I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult #I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad. #whatever #I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that #dissociation #me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though #she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety #and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’ #I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time #I’m so solid now #so stuck in the ruts of capitalism #fuck capitalism #I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled #sorry I love talking #and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn? #it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing #I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence. #like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5. #overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names. #can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school #bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude #I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time

[rainbowpufflez]

Not being known over here for the other horrible men I’ve drawn is such an interesting experience

#time to fucking out myself #like y’all don’t know me for Pitch Black?? #not even like Silco? #hell even like Obake #or Morpheus #real ones know me from FNAF #or Junkrat #or like Mal #(iykyk on that last one) #BATTER I JUST REMEMBERED BATTER #all of these are from 2022 and back #Ik some people know me from my ocs which is even stranger /hj #everyone after fnaf is from like high school and middle school #I don’t mind being known for the PokeVillains #it’s just a funny experience yall not having the rest of the evil old man lore /gen /lh #me when bad dad 🤯 #looking at you Pitch Silco and Morpheus u know what u did #<-forgot Batter he belongs in this category too #I pray that no one finds my old Mal art #wish I could be normal #but no I chose the worst people as my blorbos #November might cause a rehyperfixation on two of these fucks #anyway that’s enough rainbowpufflez lore for y’all #rainbowpufflez rambles