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#but he means the WORLD to me. forever and always.
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shoot an arrow through my heart
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max verstappen x reader
there's something you need to hear max say, but you're not sure if he's actually going to say it. you do know one thing though, it was always gonna be you and max.
a/n: started this longer ago than i'd like to admit but here we are! a big thank you to my fave beta reader K and to @scuderiahoney who helped me figure out all the banner image stuff. based on prompt #966 from this list.
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It starts with Lando. Because doesn’t it always? 
Lando says shit he doesn’t mean, Lando says things just for the sake of saying them. Lando says things as if they are fundamentally truths when they are in fact are lies.
And so, one moment you’re hanging out with Lando, letting him talk you down from buying the little trinket of the week you’ve fixated on, and the next he’s saying that Max is in love with you, saying it like it’s a truth, and then moving on as if he hasn’t just tilted your world on its axis.
And then, before you know it, you’re banging on Max’s front door trying to figure out if it’s true or not. 
Trying to figure out if your best friend is in love with you.
“Max! Open the door.”
He doesn’t.
You honestly don’t know if you want him to, or what you’re going to do when he does. Or if he even will, Max doesn’t know you’re here and you don’t even know if he’s home.
You’re just about ready to search for the spare key, the one you told him to hide in the firehose down the hallway because having a fake rock in front of his door makes no sense when he lives in an apartment building, when the door is flung open and a very grumpy looking Max, headset in hand, is giving you just about the most fed-up, unimpressed, stare you’ve seen in your life.
“Are you in love with me?” You can’t help it, the words foreign on your tongue but there’s an urgency to get them out and into the space in between you. You’re so desperate to hear him say it back.
Max blinks at you, bewildered at your words. You can see the gears turning in his head trying to work out what you just said and if you’re being honest you don’t know if you should be offended at the fact that the answer isn’t an immediate yes.
His brow furrows and his lips purse, “what?”
A beat passes, and then another, and then the idiot actually has the audacity to close the door.
You roll your eyes, even if he can’t see it you know that he knows that you’re doing it. As you push the exasperation out of your lungs you knock again.
“Max, nuh-uh, that is not going to work, open the door and answer my question.”
Nothing.
You bang your fist on the door one more time for good measure, “Max, you know I know where your spare key is and we both know that I’ll let myself in if necessary.”
It’s true and he knows it. 
There have been many nights where you’ve verged on the edge of too far gone and walked from the club to his apartment. Nights where you didn’t want the fun to end so instead of going home you go to Max’s where you can cuddle and coo at Jimmy and Sassy and sit around in comfy clothes and watch as Max putters around doing whatever it was he was doing before you came over.
It’s true. He knows it. But still, he doesn’t open the door.
You sigh and softly thump your forehead against Max’s front door, through the absence of your knocking you can hear his nervous shuffling on the other side. The inquisitive meows from the cats, the faint scrape of the peephole cover as Max checks to see if you’re still there, if you’re still waiting for him. 
You would wait for him for forever, but that’s just for you to know really.
Max opens the door again, just the barest amount. Just enough so his eyes, wide and disbelieving can lock onto yours. 
They’re so blue, you don’t know how you never noticed it before, so classically storybook blue that you’re really starting to wonder if this is all some kind of weird dream where you’re standing at his doorstep begging to be loved by him, like some kind of cheesy romcom star. Because after all, aren’t you just a girl standing in front of a guy?
“You’re in love with me.”
The words stretch the impossible distance between the two of you. Even when he’s halfway around the globe he’s never felt this far away.
And still, somehow, you feel too close to him. Like somehow all the other versions of you and him have been false proxies to what you’re reaching for right now. Like all of a sudden, somehow, he’s been molded into your every contour of your soul and you don’t want anything else
The door edges open a little wider.
“Are you asking me that or are you telling me?”
He’s stalling, you both know it. But, you can’t really bring yourself to do more than give him a fondly smile and roll your eyes at him. Because you know, if the roles were reversed, if he was the one throwing pebbles like some kind of suave Dutch romeo, demanding to know if you were in love with him, you would be doing the same thing.
“You and I both know how much you like being told what to do.” With a sigh Max opens the door to his apartment a little wider once more to let you in, “and yet, you’re still here telling me to open my door.”
You can’t really fault him for that one can you?
You make your way to the living room where you settle down on your spot on the couch while Max flits around the living room. Sassy is meowing at Max, desperate for a taste of the outside she only ever gets when the front door opens, and even though he knows she’s not going to make a run for it he still takes the time to half-heartedly shoo her away.
Max does this, dragging his feet, until both of the cats have curled up next to you on the couch and it is only then that he makes his way over to you. Coming to stand behind the armrest on his side of the couch, putting a little too much distance between the two of you for you to not feel spurned by him.
You can hear it in silence between you, you can feel it in the way your body seems to ache from having him in the ways you have him now and not in the ways you want to have him.
You’re not ready to have this conversation.
There’s a part of you that almost wants to say nevermind and forget that you even said anything in the first place. But deep down you know that the two of you have been putting on this elaborate dog and pony show for far too long. You’re only delaying the inevitable.
“So,” you say, nervously running your fingers over the fabric of the couch. “Is it true?”
You try to catch his eye as you say it, not only to try to make sure he doesn't chicken out but to see the reaction he gives. You want to see his soul and know that he means whatever he says.
But Max doges your gaze at every move in a way that makes him look like a kicked puppy. And you’re not really sure what it means but you can feel the way the dynamic has shifted. All of a sudden the two of you are on shaky ground, not sure where you stand with each other. Even though two hours earlier you would have called him your best friend with your entire heart.
“Well?”
“Please,” he says your name, strained and with a weight to it that you don’t quite want to acknowledge, “don’t make me say it.”
You’re not above begging, you really aren’t, but something about the way he sounds makes you falter. Just a little.
“Max,” you say his name softly, “I think you and I both know what your answer is going to be.”
“Then why do you need to hear it so bad?” His words bite, tinged with an anger that you know he doesn't really mean. “So, I can say it back!” Your words match the sharpness in his and you can see how much they throw Max off kilter.
He blinks at you and then rocks on his feet, first a step forward and then a step back like he’s blown away by the force of what you said. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Why did you never tell me?”
You cross your arms and shrug your shoulders, “it was a personal issue.”
“You being in love with me kind of also involves me.” 
You really don’t want to admit that he’s right on with that one.
You huff and shrug your shoulders again, “well it goes both ways, why didn’t you say anything?”
“I asked first,” Max shoots back.
You groan at his response and launch yourself up towards Max in a play attempt to strangle him. “Argh, you’re so!” You drape your arms over his shoulders as you slump against him, head resting in the spot where his shoulder meets his neck, “God I hate you.”
Max laughs underneath you, his arms coming up to wrap around your waist, “you evidently don’t.”
“You're so silly,” you sigh, tilting your head up to look at him. "You want to hear me say it so bad."
Your nose nearly brushes against his, he’s so close you think you could count every single one of his eyelashes if you tried.
Max makes a noise that’s somewhere between exasperated and surprised and you know that you’re toeing the line with your teasing
You always know when to give in when it comes to him.
“Okay, yes, I love you! I love you,” you say, “do you love me?”
“Yeah, I do,” Max says as he moves to cradles your jaw in his hands. “I love you.”
You grin, “good. Now kiss me please.”
And he does. He does and it feels like all the cliche things people say. It feels like coming home, it feels like fireworks are going off in the background, it feels like you were meant to be, that he was made for you just as much as you were made for him.
And you just know. You know that there can never be anyone else but him. That there was a version of you before Max and now there’s going to be a version of you that’s with Max, but there’s never going to be a you after Max.
“I love you.” Softer, quieter this time.
You don’t dare look him in the eye, instead choosing to press your cheek against his and stare out the window of his apartment. Your gaze settles somewhere in the distance as you try to memorize the feel of his body pressed up against yours.
You curl your fingers around the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging absentmindedly as you say, “I’m glad that worked out, I didn’t even know you were home.”
He pulls away from you to fix you with a look that is so quintessentially Max, “you have my location on your phone, you’re always stalking me,” he says, punctuating his words with little jabs to your shoulder.
It’s true, and you honestly don’t know why you didn’t try to check his location in the first place, your logic getting lost somewhere in the panic of knowing that he loved you. 
“Mhmm.” You shrug noncommittally, trying very hard to ignore the rushing feeling of warmth in your chest that comes with the realization that Max was so ingrained in your life and you in his from the start. 
You try not to think about the fact your toothbrush sits next to his in his bathroom, about the fact that your hand automatically gravitates to his favorite spoon in your cutlery drawer, the one you can identify solely based on the weight of it in your hand. You try very hard to think about how you couldn’t separate the love from the friendship.
It was always gonna be you and Max. 
There’s a silence between you for a moment. You try to match your breath to his and let the sounds of outside filter through your ears. And for a moment you can hear how the rest of the world keeps turning, even when your world has stopped spinning on its axis.
“So, what now?” Max asks, turning his head to press kisses to your hairline, his hand squeezing your waist. You can feel his nose brush against your temple as he makes his way down, lips featherlight on your skin. The intimacy of it makes your blood sing with electricity. 
You pull “Mhmm, you could take me to bed?”
It’s half serious, half a joke. You’ve waited so long to have Max like this that now that you finally do you want him in all ways possible. But still, there’s some young and girlish part of you that wants it to be special.
Max pretends to think about it for a little bit and it’s so impossibly silly that you have to resist the urge to strangle him again for it, “it’s three in the afternoon, I think it’s a little early for sleep.”
“You know that’s not what I mean, stop being a smartass.”
Max smiles, taking your hand in his and lacing your fingers together. “Well,” he says, “how about I send you home so you can get all nice and pretty for me and then I’ll come pick you up and take you to a nice dinner, hmm?”
You flush, not just from the way he pours honey, slow and sweet, into your ear, but from the way it feels like this was always meant to be. Like you were always meant to have this, always meant to have him. 
“And then,” he says, dropping your hand to pull you in by your belt loops so your hips are press flush against his, “after dinner, that’s when I’ll take you to bed.”
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faraway-archive · 3 days
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In The Fox's Grasp
Yan!Fox x Immortal GN!Reader
Tw: yandere behavior, smut, mind corruption (being talked about), hints of manipulation
AN; This was made in relation to me making a new character which so happens to be a sly fox, and I made him into a yandere of course. His name is Kaiden, Kai for short.
✧༺♥༻✧
Your boyfriend couldn't help it, he just had to mark you and just take control over your body. It doesn't help that you've accepted to be his forever partner. Forever trap with him until the time ends (which means you and him are forever immortal). Now you're stuck here underneath him as he fucks you senseless. In his mind it seems like both are you are making love to each other, as partners should right? That's how he justifies it in his mind anyways. You would always lose to him and he would always have his way with you. There was nothing that could stop him or prevent him from making you his. No matter the amount of tear, pain or suffering you had to endure from him, he was determined.
His smiles terrify you, it looks so genuine but yet it gives off a controlling vibe. He had tried countless times to charm you and win you over naturally in the human world, but of course that didn't work with you. For whatever reason.
You tried to shake away the thought but it became difficult with his dick in you, phrasing you for taking him so well and making him feel so good. Ashamed at your body betraying you, you covered your face and tried to look away. Although it was hard with him right on top of you as he's just so immerse with your body. You felt so good to him and took him so well, he couldn't help it but keep going even though you are already worn out, while he still has yet to cum.
He chuckles at your attempt to hide yourself from him, even though that wasn't your intentions. It's so cute to see you squirm underneath him and taking his cock in you. He slowly leans to your neck and nibbles at it, making you jump and attempted to push him away. That wasn't going to work and why did you bother trying?
His cock felt so nice inside of you and just took up every inch in your hole. It felt so much better than a toy that's for sure. But you could never get use to his size no matter how many times he has made love to you. You can't get over his muscular hands as he moves them from all over your body, from your neck all the way down to your waist.
He enjoys seeing you go from being disgusted to being in pure lust for him. He loves the control that he has over you, even without his dick. It's so easy for you to submit to him as he knows every spot to make you feel good, like no other man has tried. He loves to hear you scream his name, to either hurry up and stop being slow or to stop being so fast and just hitting the right spots. He enjoys having your legs on his shoulders as he grabs your waist and forcibly fuck you senseless. It's so much for you that your legs began to shake again, you've lost count of how many times he has made you cum and how long it has past. You glance up at him and he makes eye contact with you, giving you a coy smirk as he knows what is about to happen. You shudder at his smirk and could only prepare for the intense pleasure he is going to bring to you.
Soon after that thought he slam right into your hole, tightly grabbing you waist and cums inside of you, meanwhile this isn't your first time cumming. You grab the bedsheets and moan as you arch your back, your legs shake as you slowly come down from the high. Painting heavily again as you try to calm yourself down and felt him slowly lay on top of you. His face in your neck has he takes a deep breath with your scent, he can't help but smile knowing how much control he has. Just a few more times he hopes and you will eventually break, becoming his own little toy to play with for the rest of eternity. Or maybe it would take a long time for you to break, but that doesn't matter to him at all. Because both you and him have the time in the world to do whatever you guys want. He will gladly use it to his advantage.
Sighing he slowly takes his dick out of your hold as you gasp from the sudden coldness. Craving that warm his dick gave you. He stands up and helps you move to the bathroom, to give you aftercare and to sooth any cramps or soreness you may have. He did go a bit harsh this time around compared to other times. That doesn't matter to him though because that means more time for the both of you to be together.
You will be his and he will eventually break your mind. It's only a matter of time before you give into him.
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Just remembered the fallen god reader thingy- what if reader just one day regains their power ;)) and then just leaves them, I'm like super offended ;(( I dont wanna be mistreated by them
ahaha this ask made me chuckle a little! unfortunately my version of yandere archons aren't sweet in every scenario, i do still hope you enjoy though! :D
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Warning: this post contains yandere-themes, including mentions of being held against ones will, mentions of manipulation, mentions of violence, and other potential topics. Please read at your own risk!
Venti:
Well, he certainly can’t just let you leave, not after all that hard work he put into nursing you back to health. No no, don’t you see, you owe him. You could try and claim he was doing it out of the goodness of his heart, I mean he’s an Archon, a god just like you, doesn’t he see how unjust it is to demand payment?
You could beg and plead all you want, but unless your powers are enough to break the elemental barriers he’s set up, then I’m afraid you’re trapped. He won’t mistreat you, he’ll be nice and sweet to you so long as you behave, but your freedom will forever be removed.
“It’s not fair you say? A lot of things in this world aren’t fair, it’s just how it is.” His bright smile and humorous laugh do little to settle your unrest. No matter how hard you begged, how fast the tears poured from your eyes, or how strained your voice became from constant pleading, nothing worked. Perhaps if you learned to behave he’d let you see the sun again, until then, think long and well about all he had done for you. Remember exactly just how much you owe him for the things he’s done for you.
Zhongli:
He finds it curious that your powers have suddenly returned, but it does little to change his authority over you. Regardless of the strength you show or possess, Zhongli has ingrained into your mind just how weak and pathetic you are. You are nothing without him, your silly little powers mean nothing if you aren’t here with him. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that you need him?
There’s little that would change about the dynamic between the two of you, if anything it just gives Zhongli an excuse to be around you more. His eyes seem to always be observing you now, watching keenly to ensure you don’t dare step out of line. There will be consequences if you should try.
“Dinner is done, come eat.” His tone is warm, but there’s a familiar sense of sternness in the undertone. Since the resurgence of your powers, Zhongli had made sure to remind you of your place below him. It didn’t matter how hard you fought, the elder god showed little remorse when overpowering you. It was astounding to think that even after the loss of his gnosis he could still hold such power over you, but then again, Morax wasn’t known as the God of War for nothing.
Raiden:
She doesn’t believe you at first, those who lose their divinity are not simply granted it back. It would take a long while and many displays of your capabilities to convince her. It doesn’t much change her opinion of you though. Raiden still thinks you are foolish and weak to have lost your powers to begin with. And for that, you should suffer the consequences.
Every escape attempt or effort put in to fight back is quickly shut down. She doesn’t even let you build up the hope that you’ll be able to land a hit before she’s got you disarmed, pinned, and once more shown your place beneath her. It gets a bit frustrating, having to always correct your silly outburst.
“When will you learn that you are nothing compared to me? You should be grateful I have enough decency to put up with this behavior, if you were anyone else I’d have tossed you to the streets like the pathetic waste you seem keen on acting like.” Her words are as rough and painful as her hold on you is. She has you under her, pinned to the floor in the living room of her home. It’s an embarrassing sight, your face held down to the hardwood as she scolds you like a child. This wasn’t the first time it had happened, but Raiden had hoped that by now you’d have learned your lesson. She is getting incredibly fed up with you.
Furina:
Your return of power puts her in a tough position because before when you were powerless, she had something to hold over your head. Now, you hold the power and she’s left to flounder.
There isn’t much she can do to keep you from leaving, sobbing on her knees as you walk towards the front door. It wasn’t fair, it wasn't fair that you got to get back what you lost, it wasn’t fair that you got to still be connected to divinity when she was cut entirely from it. 
“Please, please don’t leave me…” Furina kneels on the ground, hands balled into fists as she begs and sobs. She can just barely see the sides of your shoes as you walk past, disregarding her as you head for the front door. When she’s sure you’re not looking she ceases her crying, the tears were fake from the start. Reaching for the pipe she hid under the couch, she silently grabs it before standing. It was easier to hit you, having stopped in the doorway to admire your freedom, you had been too caught up to hear the soft patter of her footsteps behind you.
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lesbianphan · 1 day
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I know this is gonna be mushy and overly emotional and I'm sorry for oversharing a bit, but I feel like it's necessary to put into words what rewatching We're All Doomed means to me personally. I watched the kiswe premiere event live and it was one of the most fun nights I've had in a while, even though my life felt extremely hopeless at the time.
And, look, here's the thing: when the WAD premiere dropped, I had completely given up on improving things. In fact, I was very much in the 'doomed' mentality. I had long accepted that there was no way my life would get better. So Dan's message really resonated with me: it's easy to settle for being at rock bottom and thinking that's all there is for me. I was happy to see Dan doing better, but deep down I didn't truly believe his words either, not really. I did want to, but I wasn't quite there. And I don't believe them all the time, as he himself said he doesn't, and doing the show many times hammers the point home into his head.
After experiencing it, I thought maybe, just maybe, I could stop only embracing the void, but start having the courage to exist as well. Putting myself out there more, trying to make a world for myself in which I'm not the :/ emoji all the time. So I applied for the jobs, I wrote what I wanted, I unapologetically embraced the nerdy things and the fandoms I enjoyed. I decided I can choose happiness in the smallest of ways, even when it sounds silly and unimportant. Because it isn't unimportant really if it means something to me.
Rewatching the show last night showed me how much it changed my life and the big leaps it helped me take in life. I have so much more to learn, but I keep telling myself to be brave (lmao sorry had to sneak the Phil reference) and have the courage to exist. Really truly exist out in the world, not hidden inside my room. And sure, some days are harder than the others, some days I really don't like myself at all. Even in those days, though, I tell myself: all I have to do is have the courage to exist.
I went in to watch WAD with no expectations, and I feel like the message of appreciating the little moments was so monumental, it truly absolutely had a huge impact in my own life. I have a job now, and some financial stability. To be honest, I never thought I'd get this job, I might not even have applied if I wasn't in this mindset. In so many ways, Dan and Phil have profoundly changed my life, and I think WAD is just one of those big examples.
I doubt the real humans Dan and Phil will ever understand the impact they've had on this world, but I'll forever wish them the best. I'll always support them, because their creations have irrevocably changed me as a person, and as much as I like joking around and stuff, I'm just thankful that we share this existence, and we get to have fun and be forever changed by it.
Thanks @danielhowell, you'll never know how huge the impact of this show was, but I am truly crying writing this and I hope one day I get to tell you in person how much you inspired me to keep going when no one else would.
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avocado-writing · 2 hours
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Recently started play BG3, only on act 2 right now lol. I found your blog because this shit is my current hyper fixation and I love your writing. I was wondering if you could write how the BG3 cast would react to Tav haveing hanahaki disease.
Love you're writing!
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Astarion
Oh, when he notices, he feels an odd lurch in his chest.
You’re in love with someone? Who? It had better be him, he’s put effort into seducing you.
When he works out that he’s the object of your desire he’s over the moon! And then… ah. But it is a disease after all.
A lot of intense emotions flow through him. Of course he loves you, he’d be a fool not to. But can he admit that to you? Open his heart enough to let you in?
He sees you hacking up blood red roses and thinks, gods, if a few simple words are all this will take to solve it, why wouldn’t he?
He sits down next to you as you wipe your mouth, all awkward angles and longing gazes. Not his usual suave self at all. You go to ask him what’s wrong, and he blurts out that he loves you like he’s under duress.
You blink, amazed if slightly mortified by his tone, but then your lips curl into a smile. When you kiss him your mouth tastes of rosewater. Never does another petal pass your lips, and never does Astarion regret his confession.
Gale
When he sees you bringing up Sussur petals, he panics. It’s affecting your magic after all. Slowing your spells and causing lethargy in your casting.
He throws himself into research. Night and day he’s in his books looking for a cure. He rarely sleeps any more. Not until he comes up with a solution for you.
You’re getting worse and he’s being driven mad by it. If he could find out who you love he could help, but he simply has no idea…
Silly wizard has no idea the solution is right under his nose. Always has been. Because of course he loves you too, wants nothing more than to hold you and have you as his.
It takes the rest of the camp pointing it out to him before he realises, and doesn’t know how he could be so dense… but he knows he’s the luckiest man in the world if you love him.
He confesses in the middle of your coughing fit. The petals stop immediately. He would seal the look of adoration you give him into his heart forever.
No more Sussur. No more problems. Just joy.
Wyll
He’s seen this a dozen times in his youth. Time and time again people have perished from their courtly love in a flurry of flowers.
When he sees it happening with you? Oh, he knows immediately what is happening.
Doesn’t believe you’d be in love with him… but then he sees the loving looks you give him, the softness in your eyes. It clicks into place rather quickly.
And when he realises, you best bet he’s making a move to cure you.
An immediate embrace. A kiss where he tastes the petals on your lips. Your eyes are wide, but your throat is clear.
“I love you,” he states, no hesitations, just facts. There will be time for great romance later, but right now he just needs to make sure you’re safe.
When he’s certain your condition is cleared, no more coughing, he embraces you long and lovingly. Tells you what you mean to him. And when you plan your wedding… there will be no flowers.
Karlach
Panics when she finds you coughing petals. She might have been in Avernus for the past decade, but she knows hanahaki when she sees it.
Corners you one night and begs you to tell her who you’ve fallen for. She’ll help you confess!! After all, how could anyone not feel the same about you? Anything is better than this, this purgatory of petals where love is being kept secret.
Your smile is wobbly when you tell her there might be a time span on this person’s love. She thinks, oh, Gale? Because of the orb?
It takes a moment for things to fall into place. The way you look at her. Like she hung the stars.
“Oh, fuck. It’s me isn’t it?”
You go to leave, she grabs you and holds you back. Pulls you into a kiss. Only stops to tell you that she loves you. Goes right back to kissing.
It’s then she decides not to die. To find a way to live with you, even if it means returning to hell. How could she abandon you, when you love her so much?
Lae’zel
She is so utterly confused when you start hacking up petals. Is it a disease? Some sign of weakness? It is certainly nothing that a gith has ever experienced, nor would fall foul of. They are too strong.
Lae’zel mocks you at first, like she mocks everything, but it’s in order to hide how much seeing you suffer hurts her. She is a fool to have affections for someone so weak.
… isn’t she?
One night she corners Gale (quite intimidatingly) and gets him to inform her of your condition. He tells her all about hanahaki, and she says she must find out who you are in love with and get them to return your affections.
Gale blinks. “Lae’zel… it’s you.”
Oh.
It takes her a moment to digest this. She leaves Gale abruptly (“goodbye then?”), finds you, and drags you to privacy.
“I have been told to cure your disease you need a confession of love. This is my confession.”
The petals do not stop as you cough. With a small smile, a little smug, you tell her she has to be more specific. She huffs and you laugh.
She tells you she loves you in every language she knows. It works.
Shadowheart
The most perceptive of the bunch, Shadowheart knows you are in love with her from the moment you cough up Night Orchid petals.
It’s not subtle that you’re sweet on her. But she doesn’t say anything in return - she’s a sharran, after all, and doesn’t know how you fit with her future of being a dark justiciar.
And then… she finds selûne, and it changes. All of it. Especially her view of you. She can open her heart without fear now and she wants to welcome you in it.
She takes you aside one night. Sets up dinner. A bottle of the wine you shared on that first night by the cliff. Takes your hand and tells you she loves you, as easily as if she’s commenting on the weather.
You stop coughing. The petals cease. Your face lights up. She knows she wouldn’t change this for the world.
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pendraegon · 10 months
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why is pete wentz important to me?? like him, i was a non white kid who grew up in a very white neighborhood in the chicagoland area and it was exhausting and isolating and so so so lonely it could make your teeth hurt. like him, i’m bipolar and no one has ever quite gotten close to describing what my highs and lows are like, but he’s the only one who has gotten close. (do you know what it's like being so so so manic and you know you're not okay and everything rushes around you and you feel like you're on top of the world but you know it's all a lie? an illusion? do you know what it feels like to plummet down so so so so deep and dark and there's nothing but you and that gaping ache inside of you, reminding you just how hollow and fake you are?) like him, i grew up enthralled and obsessed with rock, punk, the hardcore scene of chicago, and there was nothing and no one there for people like me and people who looked like me in a place and sound that i loved more than anything on earth. i saw him reflected in me and in the most non creepy parasocial way possible, he has been one of the most incredible influences of my life. maybe even one of the possible sunshines of my lifetime for all he is still a stranger to me, and i to him.
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breezypunk · 7 months
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I was torn between the blue & purple top to put him in next, so we'll do purple next. but damn he is so beautiful, I will never get over him.
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sanchoyo · 3 months
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haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞
#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can#barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty#I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such#bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry#he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭#sanchoyorambles#I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN#GIRL MY PUBBY#if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now#he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else 😑#which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL#screaming.#and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects#im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault#I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away#they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!!#they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭#remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧#my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby#it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know
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talentforlying · 6 months
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@thicketville: meta: did john ever want to go to college? what would he have studied if he did? if not, did he ever want any sort of higher education, like a vocational degree or apprenticeship? — META TOPICS.
i think college was always a very distant concept for him growing up: more 'something that happens to posh people in the big cities' than a potential career path. john's father was a dock worker before losing his arm and most of their relatives did labor-intensive jobs in and around either the coal mines or the docks, so for anyone who actually thought john had a future — which was very few people, if anyone — it was sort of expected that he'd wind up in the same realm of work. they could never hope to afford college, so cheryl wouldn't have brought it up to him as a possibility, because john was a dreamer of a kid and would've gotten himself in trouble with their father if he insisted on pursuing it.
honestly, john's childhood was lived one day at a time, and nobody really thought he was going to survive past the teenage years (least of all john), so he really never considered a future for himself at all, other than "one day i'll get out of here". and even that felt like a pipe dream before he discovered magic. these days, i don't think he spends time considering what might have been anymore, because the past is the past and it eats him alive already without him helping it along, but in a perfect, perfect world, i think he would've loved college, and maybe gone into creative writing.
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breadandblankets · 6 months
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bruce is always trying and trying and trying but he's lost up a creek without a paddle and he's fucked up and he's fucked up and he's fucked up and he doesn't believe that he can fix what he's done so if he just keeps going how much worse can it be (so much, so much worse) so if he just keeps trying maybe at some point he'll get the answer right and maybe his family with be good even if it's in spite of him
happy and healthy and whole would be enough, it would be enough (it's not enough)
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sysig · 11 months
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Stupid sexy Narrator >:0 (Patreon)
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skywarpshydroflask · 13 days
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rescue bots brings me so much turmoil (LIGHTHEARTED) but I gotta admit it's such a cute show... AND this optimus feels like A Guy Instead Of A Cardboard Cutout without sacrificing the never shows emotion coolest guy ever vibe that hasbro is obsessed with for him.. I never knew it could be possible
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cleromancy · 3 months
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making up* the perfect robin for dickbats n then just. yoinking him away and giving him to bruce. hmmm. Sucks
*importing from a non-canon timeline story but the adaptation choices 100% set him up to be robin for dick ykwi FUCKING mean
#always conflicted bc. i never wanted dick to be batman forever obviously.#but ummmmmmmmm. sometimes. a little. as a treat#and he has to hate it the whole time except for damian pretty much.#(I Also Think the effect that would start having on damian as he started getting old enough to realize it#would be really interesting!!! like this is the most important thing in the world to me but it makes my favorite person miserable.#like i dont... delve into that in lbof bc damians not one of the pov characters buuuut in the as yet unpublished sequel#you do start seeing some of what that means 4 their relationship... hueheuehe)#and. lol. i only know the broad strokes of what dcs been doing with damian since the reboot but what ive heard i really havent liked.#and i absolutely have not heard anything that makes me reconsider my stance that narratively speaking damian makes no intuitive sense as+#bruces robin. smh#also while im complaining about like. the reboot taking away the existing structure that had been set up for damian as a character to play+#off of.#colin would have been SUCH a good supporting character for damian... he was in SIX ISSUES but the freakin. potential!!!!#everyone who writes damian with a hero bff with a nothing personality: it doesn't have to be like this. take my hand#dc#like specifically damian was this traumatized displaced abused child and the similarities and differences btwn him and colin aka abuse &#the way that damian latched onto him so fast n kept trying to impress him which like. alright damian was trying pretty hard to impress+#everybody at the time. hes the baby tryhard we know this.#BUT. LIKE. him seeing someone his age and not immediately wanting to write them off as a simpleton or whatever yk... like#was significant particularly bc colin Did think he was cool without yk. the relationship dynamic devolving into fawning or whatever#but like to HAVE the contrast btwn them their backgrounds their motives & demeanors but you still had damian recognizing that smth about+#them is The Same. ugh#whagever its fine. its fine. i have to do everything mysellf aroumd here but its fine.
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noriakicatkyoin · 2 years
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Diversity win! Guy i dont like no longer kins kakyoin
#outing myself as a moron making this post anyway i have been waiting a year for this guy to realize this why because im spiteful#how do u kin kakyoin and ignore that hes like a little mean spirited for the funnies. a little hatred pilled. are you insane#this is a case of me getting mad about him being mischaracterized but im sorry it will forever make me angry#kakyoin is like the worlds worst autistic bc hes not socially unaware. he is TOO socially aware in the WRONG direction#thinks he knows SO much about socializing to the point he GIVES UP because its pointless#and HATES anyone who blindsides him socially and plays stupid games with him bc he sees it as cowardly#like that is the thing ? kakyoin is a speak now or hold your peace while i kill you kind of guy lol .#hes not uwu shy damaged and hurt guy who wishes he knew how to make friends#bro is crazy and didnt realize he was suffering from self imposed isolation#bro overly percieved his own weirdness and couldnt see himself intrinsically tied to another person (cough cough aroace)#and was like wow nobody understands me and im aware of this i am so Different tm i need to never attach to anyone bc theres no point#he has to have that attachment almost forced onto him (tho to save his life i.e. jotaro deworming him) for it to register as a possibility#he never creates an avenue for others to truly get close to or understand him bc he doesnt think they can#but then whenever he learns its possible then its just a game of him slowly allowing his walls to fall back and his mask to peel#and then his mask for himself also begins to peel and he realizes how hurt hes always been bc he doesnt even Realize#bc loneliness is All hes known#i lost the plot but also i think i accidentally just got myself out of writers block i know the missing piece i needed to come up-#with my fic ending. ohhhh boy#ohhhh yeah baby#l8r#youve given me unnecessary feelings
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honksapling · 2 years
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IT’S KARL’S BIRTHDAYY!!!
It was about a year ago that I happened to watch a MrBeast video out of pure boredom and my eyes immediatly fell on a particular man, who I thought was 17 :} (As I am writing this i realise this is sounding like a rookie level wattpad romance fic but whateva :/)
Now after a year of watching his content it is that no other content creator had such a HUGE effect in and on my entire life. I know its cringe and parasocial or whatever but me brain constantly associates Karl with happiness and joy and safety....
During the covid lockdown I was at a very bad place mentally and the only reason I slip didnt into depression, that made me get out of my bed, exicted for the day were Karl’s streams on karlnetwork. Everyday I woke up in hope that there would be a Gang beasts stream, Golf w/ friends stream or a Psychonauts streams that would provide me a brief few hours of happiness, a safe place  away from the problems in my life at that time. Learning that Karl was on the acespec made me feel valid and loved than anything ever did
And it is beacuse of Karl and my besties that I am not in that mental state anymore...
Call it parasocial but Karl Jacobs means sooooo much to me. I dont know how different my life would be without him and I dont wanna know...
(^^^^This was very emotional post and i dont do emotions very well (this took so long cause i am trying to express my thought into words))
TL;DR: I LOVE Karl Jacobs and I am SO glad he exists!!
            HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KARLLLLL!!!!!
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zincbot · 1 year
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forgot i love sci-fi a normal amount
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