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nehswritesstuffs · 1 year

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Double-Date from Hell

Y’all ever think of something so hilarious that you HAVE to write it, and then it just spirals out of control? Yeah, this is it.

8941 words; I’ve seen versions of this general joke going around and it’s still pretty funny in my brain so please just humor me; I guess it’s a Modern AU w/No Devil Fruits, but Brook is still a skeleton and Minks and Fish-men exist… somehow…? idk; SO MANY PEOPLE ARE ALIVE IN THIS AU THAT SHOULDN’T BE but you know what this is my story too damn bad I mean it’s already set in a quasi-Midwest metro; this took me so long to write because I kept cracking the fck up and I’m sure you’ll be able to tell where

Double-Date from Hell; Law has a new girlfriend. Cora-san’s got a hot date. Nami’s shagging a doctor. Things might be easier if Bell-mère had mentioned to her daughters she’s actually bi before she reconnected with an old flame. [modern!AU, LawNa, Bellazón]

Shuffling into the kitchen, Law blearily went into the fridge and began to poke around almost absentmindedly, hunger the only reason as to why he was currently existing on the mortal plane. What had supposed to be a twelve-hour shift in Logue Town General’s emergency room—as a favor, no less!—had turned into a twenty thanks to the perfect storm of call-offs and reckless pieces of bullshit trying to copy a social media trend. It reminded him of why he never wanted to stay down in Emergency full-time—fuck… doing clinicals there had been bad enough…

“Oh, there’s the sleepy-head!” Law jumped at the sudden confirmation that his father was in the room as well. He took a container filled with leftover noodles and popped it in the microwave oven with a bit more aggression than was necessary. “Rough night?”

“I remember when social media was used to share pictures of cats with poorly-spelled captions and complain about the accuracy of the fantasy book-to-movie pipeline, not to show off doing handstands in dangerous places and getting high off lip balm.” He glanced at his father to see he was dressed rather nice—that was a risk, considering how clumsy the older man was—though most things were better than his current pajama-pants-no-shirt-tousled-bedhead-at-four-in-the-afternoon look. “Cora-san, you know what happens when you wear a tie.”

“I know, I know, but I need to look nice tonight. What do you think?”

“That you look like a man about to turn forty who can’t so much as wear a tie without catching it on something every five minutes.”

“Well, yeah, but the shirt’s nice, right?”

An extremely pale pink with a red heart pattern; the tie was black, though his trousers were white.

“It’s… you.”

“I’ll take what I can get.” The microwave oven beeped at Law and he took the container out to stir. “Probably won’t be back until late, if I’m back at all tonight, so don’t worry if I’m not in.”

Law stopped mid-stir and stared at Cora. “Why would you both be alright, but also not come home tonight?”

“What, you can’t tell?! Your old man’s got a hot date!”

The silence that fell over the kitchen was simply unbearable. Law did not currently have the reserve mana to process that the grinning goofball he referred to as his foster father—foster roommate, on particularly irritating days—had anything even close to a potential sexual encounter lined up. He put the noodles back in the microwave oven and turned it on again.

“You don’t have to lie to me, you know,” he grumbled. “You know I don’t care what you do—we’re both adults now.”

“Oh, come on… you aren’t even the least bit happy for me?”

“I can’t legally be happy until I get at least six cups of coffee and these noodles in me, then we’ll talk.”

“Fine, fine; spoilsport.” Cora sat at the table and pouted, watching his son put together some coffee. He knew he was tired when he brought a mug of it over, as well as the noodles still in the container he heated them up in. “It’s not like I’m an old man—can’t I take inspiration from the fact my son got himself a cute girlfriend?”

“You’ve never met her, so there’s nothing to get inspired from,” Law replied dully. He twirled some of the long pasta on his fork and scowled. “No, this is not an offer for you to meet her either. I want to make sure of this one before that happens.”

“You make it sound like I’m embarrassing.”

“You picked me up from school in clown makeup.”

“It wasn’t that bad…”

“Multiple times.”

“It kept things interesting.”

“Kids recovering from near-terminal illness don’t exactly enjoy being interesting.”

“The assholes that were scared of clowns never bothered you after that.”

“Okay, that I’ll give you.” Law shoved more pasta in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “You know, I think I’ll go out tonight too—bound to be something going on.”

“There you go,” Cora beamed. “Here we are: a couple of young stallions, ready to make the night theirs!”

“Never again say those words in that order again, by all that is good in this world.”

“Spoilsport,” Cora scowled. A devilish grin then flashed across his face. “We should double-date!”

That too was a resounding, firm no.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It was the generally-accepted consensus that there was no party like a Straw Hat party.

They weren’t all rowdy affairs that got the cops called at two in the morning—they reserved those for when the on-duty officers were ones likely to just turn the music down and bring their own drinks—but it was always the collection of people who were there that boggled Law’s mind. He had only started attending such shindigs recently after a weird series of events led to him pulling the charismatic teen out of the bay and helping make sure he was still alive. Luffy had declared them friends and that he now had an obligation to hang out, which would have been a one-and-done thing if it wasn’t for the people he collected in the nearly-rural house hidden amongst trees and actual property.

The East Blue kendo and archery champions? A world-class chef? A teenaged medical prodigy? The preeminent Void Century historian turning academia on its head? One of the most sought-after mechanical engineers in the world who also moonlighted in architecture? A living rock music legend? The man that kept literally all the trains in the region running smoothly? That didn’t even get into the kid’s brothers, or people outside of his innermost circle…

…and it certainly didn’t get into Nami.

He had originally begun talking to the redhead after observing her at that first party he attended. She was very level-headed—especially compared to Luffy despite that not meaning much—and knew precisely the situation they had going. It was the modern equivalent of the Enlightenment salon, where people got together and exchanged ideas and made changes happen. It was a counterculture hotbed with significantly fewer hard drugs and way more bellyflop competitions between people who couldn’t swim in the backyard’s in-ground pool. It was the next generation figuring shit out, getting ready to usher in a new age. Except, not only did the weather-and-surveying whiz keep everything running, it was very easy to say that she was the brains of the entire operation, making Luffy’s natural charm work for something. The next thing he knew they were chatting amiably, then kissing, and—after a considerable blackout—woke up very naked in bed with her the next morning.

It was a little awkward as they put everything together after that. They both thought the other was older than they really were (he thought her only a couple years younger than him instead of the actual six, and she thought he was well into his thirties (to be fair, he did say he was an actual surgeon while flirting)), and there was the wolf whistles that came out of some of the other Straw Hats as they went down to breakfast, but they settled into something… comfortable after that. The “crew” generally accepted him and he found their antics… tolerable, he guessed, especially considering what putting up with them meant for his love life…

“Oi! Witch! We need you to stop sucking geriatric face for two minutes and rein in Luffy!”

Nami groaned into Law’s mouth in frustration before breaking the kiss to glare at Zoro from across the large, open-concept living room that thankfully only contained the main Straw Hats crew aside from the man beneath her. Law knew to not remove his hands from her waist and rear, else she get pressured into something more involved. “What happened to someone saying he could handle him?”

All she got in response was a one-eyed glare.

“If she’s not back in two minutes like you said, Roronoa-ya, I will make you regret that age comment,” Law warned, voice dripping in sarcasm. Zoro flipped him his middle finger, which he returned.

“Boys, behave,” Nami sighed as she left the room. Law took it as his opportunity to see if there was any food available yet, shuffling over to the kitchen island where Sanji was working. A mug of coffee was already waiting for him as he sat down and watched the blond at work.

“Thanks,” he muttered, drinking the coffee gratefully.

“Just keep her happy,” Sanji replied. He and Law were in a tenuous sort of agreement, both men recognizing they were from the same Blue from the moment they met. Neither of them talked about it much, but it was clear that they were both in the East because it was not the North, and that was all they needed.

“If not, then you know it won’t be from lack of effort on my end.”

“True. Oh, Nami-swan told me the other day you don’t eat bread. Is it a gluten thing, or…?”

“Nah—just don’t like it. I physically can eat it, but just haven’t wanted to for a while now.”

“Not since home?”

“Something like that.”

“Okay, good, because I remember you eating breaded things the last few times you were over, but I have a special coating I can use if it’s a gluten issue.”

“Nope—just a preference.” Law sipped his coffee and watched the other man work, his hands nimble as he prepped and cooked. It reminded him of himself at his own craft, in a way, mesmerizing him until he felt a pair of arms warp around his midsection from behind. “Luffy tamed?”

“For the time being,” Nami murmured in his ear. “He’s going to be a handful next week when his brothers are over.”

“Not entirely sure how you do it,” he admitted. “Then again, I don’t know how any of you do it.”

“Luff just has that magnetism, you know?” Sanji chuckled. “When we’re all together, it’s because he knows we need to be in order to move forward. It’s why we’ve even got old-timers with us, as you know.”

“Nami, your friends are childish.”

“People wonder why I don’t date boys,” she replied. “That would just set both parties up for disappointment.”

“How true your words are, Nami-swan,” Sanji crooned. “We are all but mere amateurs compared to your beauty and grace. The fact you decide to honor us with your presence is more than we deserve.”

Fuck… to be that idiotically horny again. Law tried to remember the last time he said anything as stupid as the heart-eyed cook and, to be honest, couldn’t remember anything of the like. Seas… was he really that old…? No, he decided… just… busy during those years. He would take busy… as though busy was having an impact on him now…

“Sanji-kun,” Nami said sweetly, “I’m going to bring Torao upstairs for a little discussion before dinner, if that’s alright with you.”

“As you wish, Nami-swa~a~n,” the blond swooned. He blew her a kiss as she winked and pulled Law onto his feet.

This place was so fucking weird.

Heading up the stairs, Law silently followed Nami as she led him through the house he was already strikingly familiar with. They slipped into her room and she locked the door behind them. Finally—peace and quiet.

“Don’t you think you were a little rough on Blackleg-ya?” he asked as she unbuttoned his shirt. “I only meant it as a joke…”

“Don’t you worry about Sanji-kun,” she hummed, pressing kisses along his neck and collarbone as her fingers went over his toned abdomen. She guided him down to his knees before sitting on the edge of the mattress. With his hat long-forgotten in the living room, she was able to gently card her fingers through his fluffy hair as he turned his attention to her legs. He gently massaged her calves with his expert hands, wandering up her thighs. He went under the hem of her skirt and his eyebrows rose at what he discovered.

“Nothing…?” he smirked. “Naughty.” He lifted her leg to hook her knee on his shoulder before slowly tracing a line of his own kisses down her inner thigh and towards her hot, wet core. Hiking her skirt a bit higher, she let her other leg fall a bit more to the side, opening up for him. He lapped at her experimentally, smiling smugly at the noise she made.

“Fuck me good, Law-kun,” she ordered. “Make him hear me scream.”

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It was quarter past four in the morning before Law actually left the house at 1000 Sunny Road, dragging his ass into his car and wishing it was quieter as he pulled away. The only consolations to his pre-dawn walk of shame was that he slipped out when all the other Straw Hats sans Nami were asleep and that he could still taste his girlfriend the entire drive back. She had seen him out after some additional, varied rounds in her bedroom, kissing him through the open car window.

“Don’t be a stranger now,” she had smirked. Fuck… she had him on a leash and they both knew it. Her taste had almost faded by the time he pulled into the driveway at his dad’s. He killed the engine and leaned back against the seat—a few hours of sleep and he could be back into something of a normal rhythm for when he went on day shifts the following week. It was all he could do to haul himself out the car and into the house, blaming his exhaustion on the twenty hour ER shift from hell messing with him and not his girlfriend fucking his brains out.

As Law walked through the dimly-lit house, he heard a snore come from the living room. He took a peek and saw Cora-san laying on the floor again, having passed out after some sort of fall. Again. Law hefted the other man onto his shoulder and helped him up the stairs to the main bedroom, where he deposited him on the mattress with little fanfare.

Wait a second… were those bite marks…? He looked closer at the bit of Cora-san’s chest that was exposed—buttons undone while his tie hung loose around his neck—and sure as shit, there were bite marks and smeared lipstick on both his chest and neck. It was a burnt-orange, which was definitely not a color that was in the house, lending credence to the “hot date” theory as much as Law shuddered at the thought.

He left a container of salve on the nightstand and made sure the other man was at least fully on the bed before going to sleep himself—with any luck, he wouldn’t have to hear a thing about the date and they continue on with their lives in peace. The less he could think about his father and sex, the better things were going to be.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“So… this old man you’re fucking… he at least cute in some weird geriatric way?”

“Ugh, what has Usopp been telling you?” Nami groaned. Her sister Nojiko chuckled at her from across the table, drinking her tea smugly. One of her rare mornings home and she was already being grilled. It was too early for this shit. “I’m not fucking an old man. He is in his twenties, thank you.”

“Turning thirty next month, is he?”

“He is twenty-six, for your information. He just looks a little rough because he’s got tattoos and is already a surgeon. Med school, clinical rotations, and residency are all vampires.”

“Sounds fishy to me,” Nojiko frowned. “I can’t be worrying after both you and Bell-mère now.”

“Bell-mère is a lesbian who just started reconnecting with an old flame from her Marine days,” Nami reasoned. “The circumstances are completely different.”

“You keep telling yourself that, sis,” Nojiko teased. “I still have on great confidence that he’s older than dirt, and that’s despite the fact you hang out with a man so old he’s a skeleton.”

“I am going to kill Usopp!”

“It wasn’t Usopp…”

“Who the fuck are you talking to behind my back?!”

It was then that their adoptive mother shuffled into the room, still half-asleep from the looks of things.

“I was woken by the sound of mockery; show me the object of ridicule,” Bell-mère grunted. She looked at her daughters and knew instantly what was going on. “We calling out the Old Man Fucker for what she is?”

“BELL-MÈRE!”

“Honey, if you’re planning on becoming a young widow, then at least make sure he’s loaded first,” Bell-mère said, unfazed by her youngest’s ire. She poked her head in the refrigerator and frowned. “Nojiko, sweetie, did you get more milk?”

“Haven’t been to the store yet,” her elder daughter said idly. “Will take care of it on my way back from work.”

“Since we’re currently in the habit of wanting to know about each other’s love lives,” Nami growled through grit teeth, “how’s Cora? That was your date’s name from when you went out the other night, eh?”

“That tongue still knows its way around a clit, let me tell you,” Bell-mère grinned devilishly. Both her daughters grew pale at the admission and immediately excused themselves from the table, neither in the mood for the conversation to go from zero to a hundred in less than a sentence.

Fine—ask about details, then run away at the details. Bell-mère chomped on dry cereal and wondered how she got two prudes for daughters.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Please don’t embarrass me more than they already do,” Law warned. He had his three best friends piled into his sensible, bright yellow crossover—Polar Tang—in the middle of making the huge mistake of driving them to the Straw Hats’ lair on a Saturday morning. They were already on the freeway, headed from the city towards the outer suburbs.

“We get it, we get it: you’re in it for the tight-ass pussy,” Shachi scoffed from the back seat. Penguin hit his shoulder in jest.

“If he was in it for just pussy, he wouldn’t be bringing us to the weirdo, sus-as-fuck party house in the middle of buttfuck-nowhere he goes to get said pussy in,” the other backseat gremlin said, tone rather matter-of-fact. “We’re a nurse and a couple of techs—how would we be embarrassing to a surgeon?”

“By talking about pussy the entire time,” Bepo stated flatly. He looked at Law and saw his grip on the steering wheel was unusually clenched. “Do you want me to drive?”

“No… I just need to remember this conversation for the next time I get asked why those two don’t just bite the bullet and get full nursing degrees instead of being the most overqualified nursing techs in the East Blue.”

“This,” Shachi said, pointing at himself with the first two fingers on both hands, “being able to sign off on patient care-related shit, would be dangerous and you know it.”

“It’s best for everyone involved that we stay Bepo’s gofers, because that makes us available as your gofers, and if we suddenly have to worry about shit like responsibilities, then where would you be?”

“Able to have competence on all my shifts?” Law snarked.

While tuning out the indignant protests in the back seat, Law turned off the freeway and headed towards Foosha Township, where Sunny Road was located. It was generally a tranquil road, with clusters of houses now and then to breakup wooded areas and the occasional farm. The car was thankfully quiet as he turned down a wooded drive, with Penguin breaking the silence as the conspicuously large house came into view.

“Law? Is this Straw Hat kid, like, loaded?”

“I don’t ask, so you don’t ask,” Law sighed. He parked the car on the front lawn next to Franky’s turquoise muscle car and turned to fully glare at the hooligans in the backseat. “Strawhat-ya’s not fully legit, but I don’t think he’s technically breaking any laws, and the cops here like him for some reason, so don’t fuck it up.”

“I thought you said the kid’s nineteen,” Penguin frowned. “How are you not wholly-legit at nineteen?!”

“Like I said: don’t ask.” Law then unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the Tang, getting some cloth shopping bags and his backpack from the trunk before heading around to the back of the house. It was just Luffy and his brothers there, all three splashing about in the shallow end of the pool while wearing arm floaties and inner tubes.

“TORAO!” Luffy squealed in delight. He jumped out of the pool and ran towards the surgeon—floatation devices and all—who got a sopping wet hug whether he liked it or not. “I was hoping that you’d come over today! Ace and Sabo are here! And Auncle Iva’s coming later! Grunkle Rayleigh can’t though because Grauntie Shakky made him promise something, and…”

“Strawhat-ya, I want you to meet the friends I was telling you about,” Law said, turning so that Luffy could get a good look at them. “That’s Penguin and Shachi, they’re nursing techs on my floor, and Bepo there’s one of the floor and hospital’s best charge nurses. We’ve known each other for ages.”

“Any friend of Torao’s a friend of mine!” Luffy grinned. He wrapped the two techs in a noodly hug, making them gurgle. “Oh! Yeah! Ace! Sabo! Say hi to Torao and his friends!”

“Luff, you’re going to kill them with affection,” Ace smirked.

“Yeah,” Sabo agreed with a laugh. “I don’t think we have enough space to bury more bodies in the backyard.”

“Please tell me that was a joke,” Shachi squeaked.

Law opted to not respond to that and instead left Penguin and Shachi in Luffy’s clutches while he and Bepo brought the bags in. Sanji was already in the kitchen prepping, while Usopp, Franky, and Brook played a racing game on the television.

“Did you get the goods?” the chef asked, pointing at Law with a knife. Law put one of the bags down and pulled out a bag of white powder covered in Wanolese script, which he threw at the man.

“I feel like I just watched a drug deal,” Bepo deadpanned.

“Even better than drugs,” Sanji claimed. “I don’t use a lot of it, but I’m practicing dishes from Wano for whenever it is Luff makes good on his threat to temporarily kidnap the consul’s son again.”

“Say the word ‘borrow’; it’s less incriminating,” Usopp shouted from the living room, not even taking his eyes off the game once.

“It’s just MSG,” Law shrugged.

“Yeah, but the good shit,” Sanji emphasized. He helped Law and Bepo unpack the rest of the bags and put everything away—odds and ends that weren’t of much consequence, but would be dangerous if missing later. “Nami-swan’s with Robin-chan picking Chopper up from school, by the way. They won’t be in until after lunch.”

That made Law’s eyebrows raise. “Sakura U is in Drum County. Four hours just driving round-trip.”

“Yeah, I know; I helped move the kid in freshman year.”

“Nami never volunteers to go get Chopper… unless…”

“Sounds like her mom’s getting some speecy-spicy dating action this week and she doesn’t want to hear about it,” Franky laughed. “I give the woman credit; she’s super feisty.”

“My dad just started dating again too—I get it,” Law said. “There are just some things you don’t want to hear… or learn… or think about…”

“If my old geezer started dating again, I’d die,” Sanji admitted with a shudder.

“Saaaame,” Usopp chimed in. The race ended and the teen groaned. “Brook! You are literally older than video games themselves! How did you beat me?!”

“I guess I’m a gamer down to my bones… which is all of me!” Brook cackled. “Law’s friend! Would you like to join us for the next round?”

“Uh… sure…” Bepo said warily. He sat down next to Usopp and accepted the fourth controller. “Are there any bear characters?”

As Usopp explained the game mechanics to Bepo, Law took his backpack up to Nami’s room and began to set himself up for later that night. He took care of the shit like condoms and lube because he wasn’t a goddamned barbarian and didn’t want his girlfriend to get worried if in the chaos of everything she forgot her medication for a couple days. It was just part of being a responsible adult and not some skeezebag looking to fuck how he wanted and whom he wanted without thinking about repercussions. The thought of a physical consequence crossed his mind as he shut the nightstand drawer and shuddered—Cora-san as a grandfather of all things would be something he’d need more than a few months to brace for.

“Law, there you are, holy shit.” He looked over his shoulder to see Penguin and Shachi both standing there, looking precisely the amount of moist that would be appropriate if they had been dragged into the pool against their will. Not only that, but they appeared to be absolutely flabbergasted by the entire situation they found themselves in. “That’s the second-in-command of the Revolutionary Army in the pool… the national-level political party, not state-level!”

“I know, Penguin.”

“…and the other’s one of the lieutenants of the Moby City mayor!”

“I know, Shachi.”

“…and apparently the host of Impel Drag Race is ‘popping by’ later?!”

“…and the straw-hat kid’s referring to the former state lieutenant governor as his grunkle?!”

“…and the one in the kitchen you had us go to six specialty import stores for is sous chef and heir to the Baratie?!”

“…and apparently your girlfriend is currently on a fetch quest to haul over here one of the few who can out-prodigy you when it comes to medicine?!”

“…a kid, may I remind you, whose grandparents are part of the reason why we even have world-class medicine in Greater Logue Town, let alone the state?!”

“…and Bepo’s getting his ass handed to him in video games by the Soul King himself…?!”

“I get it: we stick out the least despite the fact you two hold multiple state-level swimming records each, I’m the youngest surgeon in all departments at Logue Town General by at least a decade, and Bepo’s a bear,” Law reminded them casually. “To consider this as anything close to a normal party house is sort of a disgrace to the very concept of a party house.”

“This place is batshit,” Penguin stated. “It also might break physics because it feels like it’s bigger on the inside.”

“That’s your crisis to work through, not mine,” Law said. He reached into the nightstand drawer and pulled out two single wrapped condoms, throwing them at his friends. “Be careful; if Hancock-ya shows up tonight, she’s going to bring the whole team, and I know how strong of a will you two have in front of a pretty face and thick thighs.”

“Wait, what…?” Shachi gaped. Law shrugged.

“The captain of the Amazon Lily roller derby team out of Kuja has a weird crush on Strawhat-ya that he doesn’t quite recognize and when she’s here, the entire team is here.”

“Law, have we ever expressed how much we truly appreciate your friendship?” Penguin said, his and Shachi’s demeanor clearly changed. They were in such awe that tears were beginning to well in their eyes. “This could honestly be the best night of our lives!”

“Step-on-me-pussy is literally the best pussy,” Shachi added with a sniffle. “We are in your debt.”

“Remember that next time I need changed dressings, blood draws, and vitals from everyone in the unit half an hour before shift change,” Law warned. His friends didn’t hear him—they were too busy imagining the possibilities for later on.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“What does it say about everything that you still don’t strike me as an adopt-into-single-fatherhood sort of man?” Bell-mère asked. She was at Cora’s for the evening, glad that the mysterious kid of his was gone with friends for the weekend. Picking up a picture frame from an end table, she looked at the image of her former comrade-in-arms hugging a sullen tween with Reverse Mountain National Park in the background. “Cute kid though.”

“Yeah, that’s from not long after I became his official guardian,” Cora said from the kitchen. “He was sick when I got him—didn’t think he’d make it past thirteen.”

“No shit. Now you said he’s in his twenties?”

“Yeah—went into medicine; his birth family was full of doctors and I think he wants to honor them that way. Works at Logue Town General and everything.”

“Who knows? He might know my youngest daughter’s beau.” Bell-mère went into the kitchen and sat at the table, watching Cora cook on the electric range—the only reason he wasn’t spontaneously bursting into flame while cooking their dinner. “She’s fucking some doctor who’s got to be closer to our age than hers if the intel we get from her friends is anything.”

“Possibly, though there’s a lot of doctors in LTG.”

“True.” She watched as he splashed some sauce on himself accidentally. “Sure you don’t need help?”

“I’m sure,” he winced. “So, what about you? Still never gave me an answer about the girls.”

“Something just clicked in my brain, you know?” she shrugged, taking it upon herself to pour the wine instead. “I’m sure you had a moment like that with your son.”

“Yeah, but Bell-mère the Beast? Adopting two little orphans while out on deployment?”

“You blew your cover on a covert job when you left, and the only reason you’re not dead is because it involved infiltrating your brother’s criminal empire and you both are worth more to him alive and unperturbed.”

“Technicalities,” Cora scoffed. He brought two plates of food to the table and sat down. “Things are still a little frosty between Sengoku and me for it, but I’d do it all over again and I’m sure you feel the same.”

“Beyond a doubt.” She ate some of the rice on her plate and chuckled. “At least fatherhood made you a decent home cook.”

“I’ll show you what else I’m still decent at after dessert,” he teased. She snorted in laughter—of course he would, because of course he was.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It was late that night as Law and Nami both laid in bed, curled up together with their naked bodies flush against one another. The house was finally quiet and they could both just relax—a rare treat for the place they were currently occupying.

“Hey�� Nami…?” He could feel her smile against his chest at the dropped honorific; something he did only when they were alone.

“Yeah…?”

“Is this… what you want…?”

She sat up and stared at him, raising one perfectly manicured eyebrow in a curious arch. “What do you mean by that?”

“Having the extent of our relationship being sneaking off to fuck in the middle of a house party?” He tried to shrug aloofly, but was too taken in by the sight of her in the moonlight to do more than twitch. “Would you like to be… I dunno… more involved…?”

“Depends on your definition,” she replied. She hugged her knees as she looked at him, the very sexy and very naked man in her bed bringing a tattooed arm up in order to rub circles on her back.

“Seeing one another without any of our friends needing to be there,” he mused. “Showing up at one another’s workplaces as a surprise, meeting my dad… your mom and sister…” He exhaled heavily, avoiding eye contact by staring at her shoulder tattoo. “I’m not saying commitment, but…”

“I get it; you want to know what’s on the table, if you need to keep future options in mind.”

“I guess.” He paused, trying to find the words. “I don’t mind if we’re a temporary thing…”

“You can say ‘fling’. I won’t be insulted.”

“Okay, fine: I don’t care if this is a fling and we drift apart or we’re actually friends with damn good benefits or I’m just what you’re into for now and you drop me like a rock next month. I mean… I’m getting sex out of it… sex with you…”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” she reminded him, patting the bit of blanket covering his dick. “This is working for more than just you, trust me.”

“What I’m saying is…” he swallowed hard, “if you’d like, I’m willing to start exploring what a life together might be like.”

“See if we like what’s being laid down?”

“Pretty much. We’d need to meet each other’s parents first—hiding you from my dad any longer than I have to will be torture.”

“Well, I’ve never tried the meet-the-parents routine with anyone except for friends, so if you want to try, I’d say it’s worth a shot.”

A small smile twisted the corner of his mouth upwards. “Yeah…?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Law exhaled, only then he realized he had been holding his breath. “Okay. We can do this…? We can do this. I mean, we’re adults.”

“We are.” She then laid back down, settling herself between his arm and his chest. “Let’s talk about it more after some sleep. Then I’ll tell my mom when I get home.”

“…and I’ll tell Cora-san.”

“Wait…” she giggled incredulously. “Your dad’s name is Cora?”

“It’s an old nickname,” he grumbled, “but it is what he prefers to be called. I’ll break that down for you later as well.”

“No, it’s just funny because that’s the name of the woman my mom’s dating. Sorting through the Two Cora Situation is going to be a group bonding exercise in of itself.”

“I guess so.” He closed his eyes as he felt Nami bring the blankets around them again, taking in the wonderful silence of the night.

Well, it was silent for people without really good hearing, as he could have sworn he heard Shachi sob through an orgasm in another room. Only his friends could ruin a moment and not even be there.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The following morning went the average amount of well an after-party morning could go. Most of the house denizens were some version of worn-out thanks to either staying up late, copious amounts of alcohol, or both. The pair of Kuja that stayed the night with Penguin and Shachi both left early—Law had still been on his first cup of coffee when they did—dragging along the smitten Hancock with them. The surgeon watched as his friends found their way into the back by the pool, plopping down at the little table next to him as he scrolled through news headlines on his phone.

“You’ve been holding out,” Penguin scolded.

“Yeah,” Shachi said, expression to be too relaxed to be anything but blissful. “We got them on social and everything. What took you so long to bring us here?”

Law shrugged through his coffee, which his friends refused to accept for an answer. They both glared at him, waiting for whole minutes until he cracked.

“I wanted to make sure of it… you know.” He contemplated his next sentence, thought better of it, and went through with it anyhow. “I’m having her meet Cora-san.”

“Oh, fuck,” Shachi cringed. “That’s… that’s a hell of a step for you.”

“The number of people that have both met your dad and seen your dick is extremely small, and the list even exists in the first place purely due to changing rooms and nothing sexual,” Penguin noted.

“Yeah, you think I don’t realize that?” Law fired back. “Nami-ya and me, Cora-san and his… lady-friend I’m surprised actually exists, and Nami-ya’s mom with her lady-friend—just going to tear the bandage off and get us all together.”

Shachi let out a low whistle. “Oooh… you got it bad.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Law grunted. “I’m putting up with Strawhat-ya to be with her, so might as well.”

It was then that Luffy, almost if on-cue, ran out of the house and did a cannonball into the pool, splashing water all over Law, but not Penguin and Shachi. The latter two tried to hide their giggles as a now-familiar shishishi echoed through the yard.

Yeah, he had it bad alright.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

As it turned out, it didn’t take long for Law to get a hold of everyone’s schedules. After looking at the family calendar and swiping her mother’s phone while she was in the shower, Nami was able to confirm that three weeks from that Tuesday worked well. He felt a sense of triumph as they coordinated the event, all the way down to the thumbs-up emojis that were sent his way when she asked her mom to join them.

Now, for the big one. It was luckily Law’s turn to make dinner that Monday, which meant that he was able to have everything ready by the time Cora-san came home from work. The older man raised an eyebrow when he saw his son in the kitchen with food nearly ready.

“Anything the matter?” he asked.

“Nothing’s wrong; just sit.” Cora did and Law brought over two plates of carbonara. “I just want a nice dinner for once.”

“Not complaining,” Cora nodded. He twirled some pasta on his fork and took a large bite, proceeding to talk with his mouth full. “So… you gonna tell me what this is about…?”

Fuck, busted.

“Okay, I’m going to need you to listen to me and not get too excited,” Law frowned. Cora perked up, his attention piqued. “Since we’re both dating someone…”

“…yeah…?”

“I thought it would be nice if we took a very non-committal step to clear the air and all meet one another.” Sparkles formed in the older man’s eyes and Law almost instantly regretted it. “She’s inviting her mom and mom’s girlfriend, while I’m supposed to invite you and… whatever it is that you consider a hot date. You know… be adults.”

“A triple date! How social of you! This young lady of yours must be doing wonders for your tolerance levels!” A thought then came to Cora and he instantly grew serious. “The crew isn’t jealous, are they?”

“Shachi and Penguin were both ‘stepped on’ by tri-state roller derby champions over the weekend and Bepo has decided that he’s determined to mentor this kid who we hang around now so he also doesn’t get the life sucked out of him by being a teenager in med school.”

“Then they approve! Excellent! Let the appropriate parties know and we can set up a day and time! Oh, this will be fun!”

“I was thinking three weeks from tomorrow, at a place near the hospital so it can be for lunch. We double-checked your schedules.”

“Not a dinner-date here…?”

“No, because I want to keep your shenanigans to a minimum, and that’s usually achievable when you’re trapped in a booth seat.”

“Well, you’re not wrong,” he admitted. “I’ll pass the word along tonight.”

“Thanks—let me know if anything comes up.”

“Oh, not a problem.” Cora couldn’t stop his wide smile as he looked at his son across the table. “You’ve come a long way, you know.”

“Yeah,” he blushed, “I know.”

“They’d be proud.”

“I know.”

“Now: does this mean I’m getting grandkids?”

It honestly took all Law had to not fling pasta in Cora’s face.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Later that night, Cora found himself having his final smoke of the evening before turning in for bed. Law was already asleep—kid’s circadian rhythm had always been fucked—and that meant that Cora was able to take his cigarette on the patio in peace without hearing his boy nag him about emphysema and other such things. He was nearly done when his phone buzzed: The Beast.

“Hey,” he answered, applying a suave tone to his voice.

“You said you wanted to talk about something?” Bell-mère asked. The text was actually a request to call when she was free, but he wasn’t complaining. “Is this about phone sex? Because I am actually in the mood for some phone sex…”

“We can do that later—there is something I want to get out of the way first.”

“Who’s dying?”

“No one,” Cora said cheerily. He stubbed out the cigarette and made his way back into the house. “It’s just my boy’s decided to coordinate something between us, so we can meet his girlfriend and her mom and mom’s girlfriend!”

“A triple date? With mostly people he doesn’t know? Kind of a lot for a kid that only tolerates hanging out with three people aside from his girlfriend.”

“Well, rumor has it that he met her at a party, and he tolerates her friends, so who knows?” Cora was beaming brightly as he looked at himself in the mirror next to the door—this was the sort of thing that was a rite of passage, wasn’t it? Meeting your kid’s significant other? Her mom? Oh, it was exciting! Was this a sign something more was on the horizon?! “He was thinking of going and doing something low-key: lunch at this restaurant that’s near the hospital.”

The line went quiet for a moment. “…Don Silver?”

“Yeah! I guess he and his friends go there during and after shifts a lot. It’s the kind of place that doesn’t need a reservation, but he’s asking them to set aside a table for us anyhow since he’s such a good regular.” Cora then paused, expression falling “How did you know?”

“My daughter wants us to meet her old-man-doctor-boyfriend, his dad, and dad’s girlfriend for lunch there. Tuesday at one?”

“…oh.”

Both Cora and Bell-mère were silent—no… it couldn’t be…

“Belle…?”

“Yeah…?”

“Did she tell you what the reservation was under…?”

“Her old-man-doctor-boyfriend’s name, but it’s not Donquixote…”

“I never gave him my family name, Belle. The adoption papers went through too slow for it to take effect before he started med school, even if he wanted to change it.”

“It’s a weird name, hold on, she wrote it down for me…” He heard a rustling of paper and then her grunting as she attempted to figure out how to pronounce it. “Tra… Tra-faye-el-gar?”

“Trafalgar; my son’s family name is Trafalgar.”

“Huh.” Cora began to chew at his fingernails and pace the kitchen as his mind began to race and the woman on the other end contemplated. He then began to pace and tug at his hair.

“Belle…?”

Nothing.

“Belle, answer me.”

Silence.

“Belle…?!”

“So,” she chuckled, “wanna fuck with ‘em?”

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Don Silver was a well-patronized family restaurant within walking distance of Logue Town General, which made it the perfect location for Law to slip out to during his shift, but also to slip back in should an emergency arise. He left Bepo in charge of his patients until he came back, promising to stay late if he was out so long it threw everything off. When he walked into the restaurant, the owner simply gestured to the usual back booth he normally haunted with his friends, seeing that Nami was already there.

“Ah, there you are,” she chuckled, exchanging a quick peck as he sat down next to her. “Everything seems like it’s going as planned. Nojiko was a little irritated that she wasn’t invited, but she’ll get her chance.”

“Yeah, she will,” he agreed. Law felt as though his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. “I still can’t believe we’re doing this.”

“I know… kind of exciting, isn’t it?” She leaned in close and pressed a kiss to the back of his jaw, smiling as she saw how confused the owner was at the scene. “I should have you know that you might not be on the list of favorites after this.”

“Your mom that big of a menace?”

“More like Gin over there and Sanji have had beef since culinary school,” she chuckled. Law caught that the owner was staring at them and he shrugged—how could he have known? “Oh, hey, there’s Bell-mère!”

“…and that’s Cora-san,” Law noted. He watched has his foster father held open the door for Nami’s mother. “Wait a second… where’s their dates…?”

“That is… huh…” Nami trailed off as Cora and Bell-mère made their way to the table. Both parents decided to slide directly into the booth seating, with the leggy, clumsy one on the inside. “Do we need to wait for the others, or…?”

“There’s no others; what are you talking about?” Bell-mère scoffed. A waiter came over to deposit some glasses of water—a handled mug for Cora, as they were warned beforehand—and battered menus, leaving the four to their own devices for the time being. “It’s just us and our manfriends, although I’m honestly impressed you went as old as you did considering mine’s just a year younger than me…”

“Nojiko and I have been under the impression you’ve been seeing a woman named Cora…”

“Short for Corazón,” Bell-mère shrugged. “That was your codename out in the field, right hon?”

“It was, wasn’t it, Law?” Cora smirked. He tried very hard to not notice the deep sense of confusion his son was radiating. “You’ve been here a lot; what’s good?”

After some awkward deliberation, the waiter came back and took their orders and the menus while depositing a breadbasket. A silence settled over the table once the waiter left, one that made the younger couple hold hands underneath the table for strength, while the older couple decided to put their plan into action.

Operation Fuck with the Brats was a-go.

“We want to thank both of you for meeting us like this,” Cora said seriously, deciding to be the one to break the ice. He nearly couldn’t stop himself from bursting into laughter as he watched panic settle in on his son’s face. “It’s not exactly the sort of thing we want to talk about when I’m liable to trip while wandering around the house.”

“What…?” Nami wondered, cocking her eyebrow.

“Man’s a complete klutz,” Bell-mère said before Law could explain. “Let’s just hope it’s not inheritable.”

All the color left Nami and Law’s faces at once.

“What… erm… do you mean by that…?” the younger woman asked. Bell-mère shrugged.

“Eh, just putting shit down in the right places,” she replied. “Should’ve done it years ago, but never had the reason, until now…”

“Cora-san…? What is she talking about…?” Law asked, his voice faint. His foster father grinned widely.

“We wanted you two to be our Best Man and Maid of Honor!” he beamed. “You’d be perfect for the job! It doesn’t even get into being Emergency Guardians…”

“Oh I’m going to be sick,” Nami grimaced.

“Don’t you dare, you little shit,” Bell-mère warned. “I would think it’d be an honor. You did always want to be an older sister growing up.”

“…and we’re already on the older side for a baby, so having their older siblings be the ones to take care of them in case we can’t is perfect!”

Law sank into the booth, completely dumbstruck. Cora-san…?! And Nami’s mom…?! He was almost regretting not making this meeting at the Southern Blue pub down the street—at least they had a liquor license. “Does Doflamingo know about this…?”

“My brother wouldn’t know what to do with a kid if he had one walk in his front door,” Cora scoffed. “I know because I watched it happen. Multiple times.” The mortification on the younger couple’s faces was definitely worth the ruse; the kids seemed to be inventing new stages of grief. “Speaking of front doors—Bell-mère’s moving in since there’s more room, so you have the choice of staying in your current room or out elsewhere.”

“Nami, you and Nojiko get to fight it out over what to do with where we’re at now,” Bell-mère added. “Just don’t rent it out to any of your weirdo friends—I’d like the place to stay intact, thank you.”

“You have to be fucking with us,” Nami decided. She dug into her purse and whipped out her phone. “I’m calling Nojiko.”

“Go ahead, be that way,” Bell-mère said. She watched as Nami hit the button to dial her sister and held the phone up to her ear.

“So…? How’s it going…?” Ah, fuck, she sounded too smug.

“Nojiko, did you know anything about this?”

“…about what…?”

“…about why the hell our mom decided to meet my boyfriend so easily…”

“Ooohhhh, that,” Nojiko replied, a grin on her voice. “Yeah, she should have told us that her kinky reconnect was a dude before she got herself all prego. She offered me Maid of Honor first, but I said you can have it since you’d actually want to sleep with the geriatric Best Man…”

“I fucking hate you all,” Nami said before ending the call. She put her phone screen-down on the table and glared at her mother. “You are absolutely mortifying.”

“I am what I am,” Bell-mère shrugged. She then wrinkled her nose and looked at Cora with a frown. “Oh… the kid’s gonna be a Donquixote, isn’t it…?”

“Unless you’ve got a better idea.”

“Then how do you suggest we tell your brother? Ease him in gently or just let him discover on his own?”

“I honestly don’t know which would be worse.”

“Your brother—that’s up to you. Oh! Food’s here!”

Sure enough Bell-mère did notice their food coming out the kitchen as the waiter dropped off the plates cheerily. Both Law and Nami really didn’t feel like eating anymore, while their parents both began to pick at their fries…

…and laughed.

“Ah, fuck, we really had you going!” Bell-mère snorted.

“Your faces are priceless,” Cora added.

“So… you’re not having a baby…” Nami stated.

“…and you’re not getting married,” Law continued.

“Tch; don’t think I’m ready to settle down quite yet,” Bell-mère scoffed. “Besides, this klutzy nightmare? Fuck baby-proofing—I’d have to Rosi-proof.”

“Then you’re not seeing one another…?” Law knew it was dangerous to be hopeful. He was anyhow, only for his hopes to be dashed against the floor unceremoniously like a slippery water glass.

“Sorry to burst that bubble, kids, but I am one-hundred-percent fucking this goober despite all logic and reasoning telling me that I probably shouldn’t,” Bell-mère shrugged. “Didn’t think I’d be with a man again after we last hooked up in the Marines, but I have to admit he’s improved with age.”

“Belle…” Cora giggled, blushing furiously. “That’s still my son and his cute girlfriend…”

“…and that’s my daughter and her geriatric manfriend,” she replied. “They’re adults; I think they can handle it.”

To be honest? Neither Law nor Nami wanted anything to do with anything at that very moment.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It was actually a fucking gorgeous day as Law laid face-down on the grass in the backyard at 1000 Sunny Drive. He hadn’t thought it was particularly appropriate to show his face at Luffy’s sus-as-fuck party house in the middle of buttfuck-nowhere after what had happened earlier in the week, but Bepo and the goons insisted. While the bear chatted amiably with Chopper and Kaya (how the fuck did Usopp of all the kids got himself a girlfriend? That he wasn’t having sex with yet? No one really knew), Penguin and Shachi were biding their time before the Amazons Lilys showed up (and let’s be real: the nursing techs knew they were the lay-conquest), while Law… he was just trying to not die of embarrassment.

“So…” a voice said, almost consolingly. “You fucked your sister.”

“She is not my sister, Roronoa-ya,” Law replied. He didn’t need to look to see the kendo genius standing there, nor that it was the chef who nudged him in the side with his foot.

“Well, your parents fucked before you did, so that makes you siblings.”

“That does not make them siblings, mossbrain,” Sanji scoffed. “Come on, Law. What do you think you’re going to achieve by doing all this sulking?”

“I’m touching grass; go away.”

“I don’t think that’s what they mean, but keep telling yourself that. Besides, you know the marimo never learned about sex-ed, birds or bees. I bet his old man would have reproduced via budding if he could and skipped the adoption paperwork.”

“Yours probably wishes he could bake himself a less pervy son.”

“Fuck off, you overgrown grass stain,” Sanji hissed.

“You realize none of this is helping, right?” Law said into the lawn.

“Eh; worth a shot.” Law heard Sanji flick open his lighter and the familiar smell of cigarettes hit his nose—the man smoked the same brand as Cora.

“Get away from him, you vultures,” scolded a very familiar voice. Zoro chuckled lowly as Sanji pulled him away. Once the clowns had dispersed, Nami sat down on the grass and sighed, hugging her knees.

“I blame Bell-mère for getting Nojiko in on it,” she reminded him. “She’s the reason any of these morons know anything… well, that and Sanji not having Gin blocked on social.”

“I know—it doesn’t make it any less embarrassing.”

“True, but it does mean that we’re probably going to spend holidays together at the very least, whether we’re fucking or not.” She reached over and began scratching his scalp, eliciting a heavy whine. “Look at it this way: they could have not been joking.”

“Doesn’t mean it can’t still happen,” he replied. “Pregnancy can occur all the way until post-menopause, and many are accidental.”

“Shhhh…” she soothed, smoothing his hair. “Don’t think about it.”

All he could do was squeak out a pained groan—he was a doctor… all he could do was think about it.

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scriptlgbt · 3 years

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My story has both a trans guy and a cis guy who are bisexual. The trans guy has generally always been into males (even as a little child) and found out he liked girls as well. How possible that the cis guy would be the same? I mean I could buy it if the cis guy had bi or gay parents and were completely open from about sexuality from a young age, but in this case he has two straight parents and they've never mentioned LGBTQ unless it got mentioned by someone else.

First, not everyone is the same and I'm not trying to claim anybody is less valid in what I'm about to say.

It is not uncommon for people to have some level of knowledge/understanding of who they are and how they feel before they can put words to it.

Something I dealt with a lot growing up was schoolyard people throwing around "gay" as an insult or accusing me of being a lesbian, or being intersex. (Only... with a lot more slurs.) I, and probably a lot of other people around my age, learned about queerness by having it be the butt of jokes, by other kids I knew, and sometimes adults.

Very young children also frequently hang out with other kids their age, and sometimes there are older siblings or other neighbourhood kids a bit older who might mention it or say something.

But that's just kind of the labels aspect of it.

I still told a lot of my friends that I loved them, and made little handmade Valentines for classmates as young as age 3 when I first started school. I have distinct memories of making a construction paper heart and not being able to spell this girl-I-liked's name for it. So I asked her to write her name on the Valentine and then give it back. I then finished making it and then gave it to her (I think, anyway - that part is fuzzy).

I don't know if it occurred to me at that age that there was anything weird about it. I was to the impression I was supposed to be a woman one day and marry a man and have children (I literally thought it was a legal obligation and I would go to jail if I didn't, for some reason). But I still made this Valentine, I still expressed kinds of warmth and intimacy that I know words for now. I still always kind of felt these feelings.

I did suppress them somewhere around puberty though, after I tried coming out to my mom the first time at age 12. She tried to convince me I wasn't, thinking this would be reassuring somehow. (Instead, it caused me to never trust her again. We haven't spoken in many years now, but it wasn't anywhere as bad as her reaction to my transness.)

There were some things that kind of made me realize over the years that maybe I shouldn't consider myself straight. I thought a lot about coming out as a lesbian but always rationalized, "but what if I want a boyfriend?" etc. I had a teacher in 7th/8th grade who gave us a basic rundown of the Kinsey Scale during sex ed once. (This wasn't part of the curriculum, she just felt the need to teach it, which was pretty cool for 2007 or so.)

one of the things that really clicked into realization for me was when I was 14 or so and a friend came out to me as bi. My response was something like, "I think we're all at least a little bisexual" but... current me @ past me: no honey, that's just you lol. (Not to dismiss that there's a gradient of sexualities - just that some people, like me, say something like this before really understanding/exploring stuff.)

Anyway, my point is: these feelings still happens before you come out to yourself.

Sometimes also, kids just assume it's completely normal unless they are told otherwise.

I can't emphasize that last point enough. I've heard so many stories over the years of children "marrying" each other at recess and they happen to be the same gender. Sometimes kids do need to be told the possibility is there, but not always.

- mod nat

#mod nat #kids #childhood #bi #bisexuality #self recognition #writeblr

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do-y0u-have-to-let-it-linger · 3 years

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hi!!! can i get an x-men shift please? i’m bi (but hetero leaning) and use she/her pronouns. i’m a sagittarius, INTP, and am super into pop culture, movies tv shows music stuff like that. i’m an introvert, pretty shy at first but once you get to know me i’m pretty funny and kinda an asshole. i’m 5’7”, plus size and curvy, with longish wavy brown hair, blue eyes, and wear black glasses. i dress pretty comfy, jeans and t-shirts, sweatshirts, but i also have a leather jacket when i want to look more put together. mostly wear vans and converse. i love taylor swift, star wars, and all the superhero movies out there. i honestly don’t know what my mutation would be, i’ve never found one that fits right i guess. can’t wait to see who i’m paired with! love your blog, and thank you :)

I ship you with Peter Maximoff!

Warning: ✨contains swear words, mentions of being high, and grammatical errors probably✨

Peter is the type of person who thinks of bold and outrageous plans, but is horrible at executing them.

This is especially apparent now that he is part of the X-Men, because of the high stakes that often come hand and hand with these plans.

Yet at this moment, standing in front of you, attempting to respond to your simple and reasonable question, he feels as though the stakes of this plan are higher than any other he has previously made.

You and Peter were very close, most of you X-Men were. Shared trauma bonded you all like a family. So you were very comfortable around each other, like the: "We literally laugh at each other's farts and say 'love ya!' When one of us leaves a room." comfortable, so it concerned you that he seemed so nervous. You repeated your, as previously stated, simple and reasonable question.

"Peter, what the fuck."

You were mid-way through Empire Strikes Back when he first appeared, standing in front of the TV. Generally, when someone is watching a movie alone with the volume level barely audible, at 2 AM in the morning, they do not expect to be interrupted, but there he was. Interrupting you.

So you had asked him if he wanted to watch the movie with you and he said no.

Then you asked him if something was wrong and he said no.

But after he had stood in front of the television long enough for you to have paused the movie, you had come to the conclusion that he was messing with you. Hence the two "what the fuck"s.

He finally responded, seemly returning to his body after his brain's small vacation to who knows where.

"I need to talk to you about something important, and I wanted it to go a certain way but that way never actually happens so I'm doing it another way." Well, that was even more incoherent than his usual sentences.

"Wait- are you high again?"

"No! No. Well, maybe a little- but that's not the point."

"Sure, now what's going on."

"We're like... technically co-workers because of us being X-Men and shit, right?"

"If Bat-Man and Robin are co-workers, then yes."

"Don't be self-deprecating, you're way cooler than a silly side-kick."

You raised your eyebrows at him, "I wasn't Robin in that analogy, but thank you."

"Wait, I'm Robin?"

"You are a grown man who just used the world silly un-ironically, and I feel like that's something Robin would do. Just to clarify I don't know shit about Bat-man."

"Hey I'm barely a grown man- I'm not 25 yet, that would entail being a grown man, and I've got time 'till then! Anyway, stop going off-topic."

"Then move on from being weirdly defensive about being an adult in the eyes of the state."

"Touché. So, we're co-workers."

"Correct. What's the point."

"That's a problem."

"Why?"

"Well, ok this needs to be prefaced so consider this me shushing you in a respectful and not sexist way. You have been shushed."

"...Ok?"

"Shh! Now I get to ramble. So you know movies?" He gestured towards the school's collection of movies that sat next to the tv, and you nodded confused. "So in these movies, things happen certain ways, but those certain ways seem just as scary as the opposite of those ways." Yeah, he was totally high. "So, wow I'm starting so many sentences with the word 'so'. Anyway- I want to tell you something but I don't want it to be like a movie but I don't want it to be like not in a movie either. So I just want to say it then leave. Like- I'm going to run after I say it. Is that okay? You are temporarily un-shushed."

"If you're dying it's not, but if it's basically anything else then yeah. Go for it, you speedy coward."

"Cool. I mean- the nickname hurt but cool. Cool." He looked at you for a second. "Can you like... turn around?"

"Turn around?"

He now acknowledged that that was an odd thing to ask. "...Yeah. Is that dumb?"

"No, no, I'll turn around." To lighten the awkward mood, you made a joke. "A reasonable price for your terrible secrets to be revealed to me." It was not a very funny joke, but you tried your best and earned a (pity) scoff from him.

You were now both sitting criscrossed on the couch, facing the same direction. You were staring at a wall you found very uninteresting, and he was staring at the back of the head belonging to a person he found very interesting.

"So- basically I think you're... pretty..." He said the word intending to add another adjective after it, like 'cool', but he decided against it because that would be stupid. "And I have this problem where when I figure out I want to, quote-unquote, date someone, which is a gross word, by the way, I'm always friends with them. That means it has to be this dramatic thing. But I don't want it to be! You know? I just want to tell you that I have a stupid crush on you like a normal person. And- that's why I suddenly started hating training, because who likes to see people they want to smooch almost fake die, huh? No one! That's who! And I want to explain why I like you, but whenever I talk to Wanda about you, I always end up describing you the way a first grader describes their crush! Like: she's pwetty and smawt or whatever but that's fuckin' dumb. I guess that makes sense because I don't have crushes on people ever, and I barely dated in school, so I have no idea how to do this and I just want to pass you one of those 'hey, do you like me?!' notes with the fuckin' checkmarks!! And I am an adult person who is kind of afraid of kissing! What?!? Also, I don't have abs like Scott! Or boobs, and I know you like people with or without boobs and boobs are great! Also, to backtrack, don't think that I think you would go for Scott, even though if you were to, I would be supportive of you, but also sad because I would prefer if you went for me! So I want to be normal. Normal like the people in movies who meet someone cute and ask them out and not like the movies with the big stupid confessions. Trust me, if I had noticed that I whatever you like a year ago, I would have asked you out! Well no I wouldn't of because I would be too afraid to talk to you. But anyway I made you this," He reached around you and handed you a folded-up note. "Don't open it until I run away, but just leave it here with your response. If you check no, I bet if we paid Jean enough money she would erase this interaction from our brains. I only have seven dollars but I'm betting on a 'friends and family' discount. But.. if you say yes, I can ask you out like a dick in a movie, knowing you'll say yes because I am a speedy coward. I want you to call me a speedy coward when I do cowardly shit speedily, then do this cute thing where you'd be like 'but you're my speedy coward''. Anyway, I'm going to leave now. Love ya, but in the way we always said it beforehand, not in a dramatic confession way. Sorry I delved into my childhood there. Bye." You felt him awkwardly pat your back.

There was a gust of wind that ruffled your hair, and you knew he had run away.

You lifted the note up, mind empty, still processing everything he had rambled to you, and started carefully unfolding it.

It was one of his previously mentioned "Do you like me?" notes.

You willed yourself not to straight-up giggle like a 12-year-old at his note. It was messily written, and clearly on the back of a mission briefing.

Shit, you didn't have a pen. You looked under the couch cushions but there was no form of a writing utensil in sight! The audacity.

You knew Peter well enough to know that he was probably not too far away, waiting for the result of his question and trying not to spy.

"Hey... uh... Peter? I don't have a pen."

Peter hit his forehead with his hand, where the fuck was he going to get a pen? It's not like he owned pens that were actually in a designated spot! How ridiculous would that be, who did he look like, Charles? Charles! Charles has pens in designated pen places!

So Peter ran into the headmaster's office and found a pen. He wrote a small note stating that he borrowed a pen and that he would return it. Looking at the note Peter found it did not fully encapsulate the desperate need for the pen. The note ended up something like this:

Hey Charles! It's Peter! I took borrowed a pen because a very serious situation manner situation has arised. arisen. From, Peter. You can't get mad at me because if you could legally marry my dad you would be married and I would basically be your step son! Thanks half dad!

He thought the addition of the 'step' in stepson effectively hid the fact that Charles was a father figure of his. What was he doing here again? The serious manner!

In an instant of you telling Peter that you did not have a pen, one appeared.

"Thank you!"

You checked the yes box, but had a want to write something adorable. You couldn't think of anything so you just wrote "This was weird." under your checkmark. Well played.

You entertained the idea of resuming your movie but decided against it, you thought it would be more dramatic if you left the room.

The minute you made your exit Peter sprinted into the room. He opened your note, jumped, pumped his fist in the air, realized that was nerdy, and tried to make a cool pose to recover.

Now he just had to figure out how the fuck he was going to ask you out.

#me 🤝 juxtaposing fancy words with words like stupid and cool and nice because i think it's funny #the muse has been gone for a few days so i hope this is good #screw you muse i'm writing anyway!#peter maximoff x reader #ship request #the ending is weird and the pacing is off but ily so forgive me

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knightofameris · 3 years

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As someone who has zero knowledge of who Kate Bishop is because I've only seen Marvel films, who is she and why do you love her :)

oH MAN NONNIE AM I SO GLAD THAT YOU ASKED LET’S GET STARTED ON WHY SHE’S THE BETTER HAWKEYE.

i mean, this is kinda definitely relatable, especially with doing school online recently >:/ and just a mood overall when it comes to doing research or any type of work—god

*except she’s not an avenger and unfortunately people still just call her the female hawkeye that even clint redacts all the “female” on papers and forms. he also claims she’s more talented than himself, probably.

yeah that’s the spirit, we’re back in the times of limewire and all that fun stuff, steal music off the internet kids, it’s good for you (for legal reasons this is a joke)

I MEAN COME ON, SHE’S JUST SO RELTABLE?? LIKE. I WOULD FEEL SO BAD AND JUST AJFLSKDJFLAJF WITH THAT EXACT FACE TO CLINT IF I CALLED SOMEONE’S FACE A COOL FREDDY COSTUME. luckily deadpool is funny buT STILL.

okay fine kate bishop grew up a rich kid, but now she’s poor because her father’s an asshole and also a villain so she no longer has access to said money so, yk. she’s figuring out how to make her way through the world as a hero. also, the fact that she can pull off hip holes???? amazing.

also i wanted to add in two clips of hawekye from the comics because he’s better than hawkeye from the movies :p and also just as relatable

HNNG just in general, when it comes to the Hawkeyes they’re my favorite characters of the marvel comics? maybe it’s because i’ve only read their comics + a few spiderman issues (of different spidermen) so i only really have one say. but their comics were the only ones that i’ve even been interested in, none of the others really. and i LOVE MCU Tony Stark and Steve Rogers LOL

i think it’s just fascinating that the two of them are just normal people, nothing special, no powers. just got really good aim. and it’s consistent that each generation for the avengers need a hawkeye because they’re the glue of the group. when the bad guys try to tear apart the avengers, as they’ve done so many times, they always go for the Hawkeyes. no matter what.

and i think it’s great that marvel still casted someone who’s mixed race because i always saw kate bishop as asian, and at the very least, half asian half white given her last name “bishop” (though that can easily be changed because she was adopted [if she was adopted, she’s not, but it could be a plot point lOL]) and hailee steinfield as kate bishop? YEAAAAA

i have admittedly not touched the West Coast Avengers, BUT, from what i’ve seen and what I know KATE BISHOP HAS TO BE BI. like she FUCKIGN FLIRTS WITH AMERICA CHAVEZ, who, by the way, is LESBIAN AND SHES AFRO-LATINA and i think the first in the comics to be both??? and America even mentions that Kate’s not as straight as she seems ughfhlfg. i love America too because she’s,,,, she’s kinda hot,,,,

anyway, i don’t know if i want to be kate or if i want to date her but. you know.

also look at her with Lucky the Pizza Dog 🥺🥺

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peachyromanoff · 4 years

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Say So (Remix)

youtube

Huh, would you look at that, the moment we’ve all been waiting for has finally come to fruition. What moment have we all been waiting for, you might ask? Well, while these remix-centered blogs were initially inspired by the Beyoncé x Megan Thee Stallion “Savage” collaboration/remix, it’s this specific remix that really sealed the deal for me. Before I continue— yes, I’m well aware that I sound like a boomer trying to fit in with the cool kids, but bear with me here. As I was saying, the music gods have yet again blessed us with another remix—but this one is just a tad bit different from yesterday’s. You see, in a blog prior, I mentioned the spectrum that remixes tend to exist on, and on what side they fall, in regards to how they changed the song. For example, did the remix: improve the song, add nothing of worth to the song, or make the song considerably worse? In my opinion, the “Savage” remix fell somewhere in the middle. It wasn’t the worst remix to curse the earth, but it took away from the song it was remixing, which unfortunately took away from the song itself—though I suppose that was the point? Overall, it was... different. Today’s remix, however, has managed to fall near the “improved” side of the spectrum. But enough of me promoting this remix—oh boy, I haven’t even told you the song that was remixed! Which means it’s time for—drumroll please—a helpful backstory and a quick refresher! Hey, wait, get back here, I said a quick refresher not a quick refreshment—now’s not the time for drinks, it’s the time for learning, and inevitably inflating streaming numbers, but that’s not important right now. Today’s remix is brought to you by Doja Cat and Nicki Minaj. Yet another collaboration between and up-and-coming artist and someone with a net worth of over a hundred million dollars—but who’s looking at the details? Now, I’ve already covered who Nicki Minaj is in a previous blog, and I honestly believe that her name alone is enough of a reminder. Does that mean that she’s on the same level as Beyoncé, in regards to status and overall talent? In my humble opinion, yes. She’s Beyoncé with less illuminati ties and more radio hits—for legal reasons, that was a joke (please don’t send the illuminati after me, I loved Lemonade). As for Doja, I’ve only covered her music once on this blog—which is shameful, honestly. Maybe time will lead me towards writing more Doja Cat focused blogs, as she steadily progresses her career and releases even more hits that will hopefully hit the same amount of success as “Say So.” Maybe I’ll cover her next hit, maybe I won’t, who knows? Definitely not me—but let’s get back on track, shall we? As you may already know, Doja Cat is a hip hop artist best known for her experimental style, both musically and aesthetically. Her songs, “So High,” “Tia Tamera,” and “Say So,” are what boosted her to where she is today. And today, she managed to give us the collaborative effort we always wanted, but never deserved. The “Say So” remix is, in my own opinion, possibly the best remix to come from this decade—if not the best song, alone. It compliments both artists well, without abandoning one to uplift the other. It also manages to respect and effectively improve the original song, keeping it’s original charm and radio-hit potential in tact. Though, Nicki’s verse is... interesting, to say the least. The lyrics are, somewhat comedic, if not a little sad. And yes, I’m talking about the “used to be bi, now I’m just hetero” line. To be fair, it’s a memorable line, if not a little funky. If we’re being honest, only Nicki Minaj could come out in a song, just to moonwalk back into the closet moments later. Overall, it’s a solid remix. Though, you can expect a think piece from me on that specific lyric sometime soon—maybe. Tune in next week to see if I’ll actually over analyze a single lyric from a Nicki Minaj remix and write my unnecessary thoughts in a blog posted onto Tumblr.com—the only place where that kind of post would be accepted and, honestly, expected. 10/10

#Youtube #doja cat #nicki minaj #opinion #say so #music #remix #review #my writing #hip hop #rap #moo

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geejaysmith · 5 years

Photo

Kat and I have amazing conversations sometimes and I felt they had to be shared. Also, alienfuckers, dad jokes, Maxwell’s alternative lifestyle and other headcanons, and Ace Attorney: Doug Eiffel edition. Full transcript under the cut.

Gill [Yesterday at 6:05 PM]: On an Unrelated topic: after the finale the crew remembers "OH YEAH, EIFFEL ACTUALLY HAD A FACE-TO-FACE CONVERSATION WITH ALIENS" and now in addition to all the other reasons to want him to Remember they're really freakin' curious to know how that went

Kat [Yesterday at 6:11 PM]: Minkowski: so what did they look like Eiffel: me (They do seem to like his body, they had a few models to choose from when talking to Cutter.)

Gill [Yesterday at 6:13 PM]: Eiffel, probably: at least the aliens think I'm cool I know what was meant by that but your phrasing made me think "In a shocking turn of events, it is the aliens who are attracted to the human." The aliens... are alienfuckers

Kat [Yesterday at 6:17 PM]: I don't think that's their jam but that WOULD be just his luck

Gill [Yesterday at 6:18 PM]: It is unlikely, but also: it would be hilarious

Kat [Yesterday at 6:21 PM]: the aliens keep sending me mental sexts and i crave death

Gill [Yesterday at 6:22 PM]: And lo another shitpost transforms into a fanfic concept, like a humble irradiated lizard becoming Godzilla: "would you fuck your clone?"

Kat [Yesterday at 6:28 PM]: leave him alone has the man not suffered enough

Gill [Yesterday at 6:28 PM]: No

Kat [Yesterday at 6:29 PM]: sigh

Gill [Yesterday at 6:29 PM]: Dance for my amusement, Douglas And also because I earnestly suspect that in the case of Eiffel and an interested alien-consciousness-in-the-form-of-a-Xerox-copy-of-him the answer would end up being "yes"

Kat [Yesterday at 6:34 PM]: idk i feel like it'd be more like "Oh what you spend two fucking years trying to drag us into the star because you can't be assed to make an appearance but you'll teleport across the galaxy for a booty call? Fuck you and I mean that figuratively" later sluts

Gill [Yesterday at 6:36 PM]: Bob is a bad datemate Is this entire train of thought brought on by the fact I still think of the person who expressed they shipped Bob/Eiffel in the tags of the "Take your double to Disneyland" post? Perhaps

Kat [Yesterday at 6:39 PM]: i don't know that you can have this at the same time as 'what if the aliens' bodies are still the people suppressed' without it getting Fucked Up but that's your perogative I guess as long as I don't have to hear about it family can't walk w me tonight so i need to hit the treadmill for a bit. ttyl

Gill [Yesterday at 6:41 PM]: See u in a bit! But ah yes, I hadn't thought of that til you brought it up Points at one explanation of Dear Listener manifestations for some ideas, points at a different explanation for ideas that would become unintentionally Pretty Fucked Up under the first explanation Although there is comedy potential to be found in Eiffel and Eiffel-2 having the "are we down with this" conversation In the /Justin McElroy voice, "someone just discovered they have ~the world's worst fetish~" sense

Kat [Yesterday at 7:33 PM]: a different terrible concept: eiffel with his pop culture references restored will likely be called upon to testify at the united nations

Gill [Yesterday at 7:37 PM]: O h g o d Ace Attorney: Doug Eiffel edition

Kat [Yesterday at 7:46 PM]: i mean they're gonna have to tell the world SOMEHOW and i'd think the international court would want to know and he's the one with the subconscious recall implanted sidenote if the DL can do that mental transfer could they have just... asked them to reupload whatever their most recent scan of eiffel was there are so many ways around this that's why it failed to get much of an emotional rxn from me

Gill [Yesterday at 7:47 PM]: Minkowski and Lovelace trying to get him to practice his testimony bc if they hit enough subconscious recall triggers they can at LEAST get thru an explanation of the aliens without Eiffel going off into a tangent Once they're off the Dear Listeners' script though all bets are off

Kat [Yesterday at 7:48 PM]: here's a list of preplanned questions your honor we're not responsible if you ask anything else

Gill [Yesterday at 7:51 PM]: Eiffel, maybe: now Goddard didn't send up us there to bring home any xenomorphs but let me tell you, with the Decima project? They might as WELL have let a facehugger get up close and personal with me The translators rapidly swapping notes on late 70's sci-of cinema because a handful of them actually know what he's talking about

Kat [Yesterday at 7:54 PM]: Minkowski headdesking behind him Eiffel English isn't most of these people's first languages

Gill [Yesterday at 7:57 PM]: The news cameras are all dead-focused on Eiffel. He's hit his stride and is picking up steam. "And it was right around the time I was coughing up my liquefied respiratory system that I thought to myself, gee, I'd MUCH rather get a face of alien wing-wong than deal with this!" Minkowski is off to the side. She is visibly restraining herself. No poker face in the world can hide how hard she is longing for death. Whether it is hers or Eiffel's is a subject of contentious debate.

Kat [Yesterday at 7:58 PM]: someone at an elementary school: hey Garcia, is that your dad

Gill [Yesterday at 8:01 PM]: Anne, who was four the last time she saw her father in person, gets one look at the man weaving an intricate Star Wars metaphor out of crimes against humanity and recognizes him instantly, but signs back "I have never seen this guy before in my life."

Kat [Yesterday at 8:04 PM]: good call kiddo

============

Gill [Yesterday at 8:10 PM]: Honestly I love the concept that no matter how much Eiffel may drive them up the wall sometimes the rest of the crew would meet Anne and immediately be ready to kill a man for her sake

Kat [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: as far as we know he's the only crewmember with kids women in the military... it wouldn't be easy even if you wanted one, which idk if any of them did

Gill [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: Wait wait, brainwave: it is actually AMAZING that Minkowski had no idea Eiffel had a child because... does he seem like the kind of guy. Who would ever resist a Dad Joke.

Kat [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: haha fair

Gill [Yesterday at 8:16 PM]: Eiffel: Actually, I have amazing self-restraint when I choose to exercise it. (Various noises of disbelief.) Eiffel: have you ever heard me tell a dad joke? No? I rest my case

Kat [Yesterday at 8:21 PM]: biggest plot hole of the series more like it was too painful a memory but still

Gill [Yesterday at 8:22 PM]: If he ever patches that connection it'll open the floodgates

Kat [Yesterday at 8:26 PM]: He'll become the Maes Hughes of the gang, except with fewer war crimes

Gill [Yesterday at 8:27 PM]: ...has anyone on this crew done war crimes? SI-5 excepted of course, they have obviously done war crimes

Kat [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: yeah SI5 is war crime central I'm not sure about some of the other stuff executing a prisoner? idk about Minkowski

Gill [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: Also my thought

Kat [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: she wasn't a formal pow though it was an ongoing engagement I don't know the rules

Gill [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: Minkowski Has Done One (1) War Crime (Goddard Futuristics attempts to bring that against her in the court case only for Maxwell to stroll in like lol what's up gang)

Kat [Yesterday at 8:37 PM]: does Goddard in its current incarnation last long enough to sue anyone i mean i think you could sue them for attempted genocide

Gill [Yesterday at 8:38 PM]: Look I have had one semester of business law You were the one who almost went to law school Also re: other characters being parents, the only one I could see going kiiiinda either way on the subject is Lovelace and it wouldn't have been terribly high on her priority list prior to the Hephaestus mission I can see characters having the opinion that they could see Minkowski as a mom but she and her husband both strike me as understanding themselves and one another as being more career-oriented

Kat [Yesterday at 8:44 PM]: yeah if she wanted to rise in the ranks of the military... that would probably be a strike against her

Gill [Yesterday at 8:44 PM] And the implication she's got a Complex about her parents having both left promising careers to raise her Also, Lovelace: Well I always said I could see myself settling down someday, maybe have a family if I met the right person, but when I took the job with Goddard it was legally dubious whether I could actually do that- Eiffel: Because you're an alien? Eiffel: Eiffel: ...wait a sec

Kat [Yesterday at 8:54 PM]: ha It's ok to be gay in space

Gill [Yesterday at 8:56 PM]: Alternatively it's Hera who said that bc didn't connect those dots right away, meanwhile Eiffel saw Lovelace in a flannel shirt once and Knew Immediately Eiffel may be dumb but somehow his Bi-Fi has yet to fail him

Kat [Yesterday at 8:59 PM]: Hera doesn't grasp human sexuality nuances

Gill [Yesterday at 9:01 PM]: Funny addition to above thought: Eiffel put together that Jacobi was gay after like three days on the Urania, was the only one on the Hephaestus crew to do so, and just never felt it was relevant to bring up Hera, my child... you have much to learn (Also, Hera, probably: I'm experimenting at the moment, I'm looking for a torrent so I can download lesbianism)

Kat [Yesterday at 9:04 PM]: I don't know which option is funnier, that Jacobi is just Really Fucking Obvious but Eiffel was the only one paying attention or that it was super subtle and everyone's like How Did You Do That lovelace's righteous fury overwhelmed her gaydar, she was too mad to go 'same hat'

Gill [Yesterday at 9:07 PM]: Eiffel: I have something to confess to all of you... Jacobi: Eiffel literally not a single person on this ship is straight Eiffel: Oh I was just going to recount a PG version of my wild younger days, let's just say I know a thing or two because I've seen a thing or two.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:07 PM]: Jacobi on Earth: Just matched with myself on Grinder a-fucking-GAIN

Gill [Yesterday at 9:10 PM]: Jacobi: Oh I definitely picked up on it but who wants to go playing into stereotypes by speculating on what may or may not be a promiscuous history? Eiffel: Promiscuous? Look I've got notches in my belt but mostly I just ended up laying in somebody's bathtub at a house party while just conscious enough to nod along to someone else's relationship drama. Eiffel: to several sororities, I was the Gay Bathtub Wizard.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:11 PM]: Maxwell on day one of orientation: So if SI5 is paramilitary what's their stance on alternative lifestyles? Jacobi: I was recruited in a gay bar.

Gill [Yesterday at 9:12 PM]: Her asking the question has my brain going in several different directions

Kat [Yesterday at 9:13 PM]: I think she was recruited right after dadt was repealed... if obama exists in this universe fantasy obama

Gill [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: One part of my brain: Maxwell is also gay Another part of my brain: Maxwell is exclusively attracted to nonhuman persons Yet another part of my brain, most adjacent to number #2: Maxwell voice, who in their right mind would build a robot that can't fuck? The 4th part of my brain: Maxwell wants to know how chill they'll be with her living exclusively off energy drinks and frozen yogurt for weeks at a time

Kat [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: honestly I figured whatever it was it was MUCH weirder than just being gay

Gill [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: Maxwell: I have plans to take over the world with my army of battle bots and rule as their robot queen.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:16 PM]: Maxwell: wait if you were recruited in a gay bar does that mean our boss frequents those or did he just go there to get you Jacobi: Believe me the question haunts me also Jacobi: sounds great i'm in

Gill [Yesterday at 9:16 PM]: Or, Maxwell: I am not joking for an instant when I say that I for one welcome our alien overlords "When I was 13 I tried to get myself abducted by aliens" except it's not a joke it's an actual minor headcanon of mine Also I almost typed "adopted" rather than "abducted" which shows you why Alana would probably want to do that

Kat [Yesterday at 9:19 PM]: she did say she's on bad terms with her family

Gill [Yesterday at 9:20 PM]: She grew up a pastor's kid in a tiny rural town in Montana, hearing that they don't get along is the furthest thing from a surprise to me. The surprise is that Maxwell has a restraining order against them

Kat [Yesterday at 9:21 PM]: tht implies the court found reasonable cause to issue one wack anyway i had a long day, i'm gonna call it a night

Gill [Yesterday at 9:21 PM]: o/ But yeah that Maxwell empathizes with nonhumans, apparently more than with most regular humans, that makes perfect sense to me I can see her frustration with the AI Ethics board in her last job Expressing Their Concerns and her suppressing flashbacks to many a Creationist rant, and trying to keep her eye from twitching visibly, and no I am not projecting I am just coloring in blank spaces in the narrative with my relevant life experience

#wolf 359 #conversations with kat #deliverusfromsburb

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amethyst2900 · 5 years

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I Got My internet back!! So that means Hamnoir time. I hope you all like it!

Read on Ao3

Noir sat on Gwen’s bed, leaning against the wall that her bed was pushed up against with his hands behind his head, just listening as the Gwen explained how her week went to him and the rest of the spider-family who were littered about the room.

Noir wasn’t really paying attention to her though, not because she was boring or anything like that, in fact, she was usually the opposite of boring. But right now Noir was more focused on the colored flag on her door. The flag was pink, or maybe it was red Noir couldn’t really tell. Then the flag had a thin strip of purple a thick strip of blue.

Noir squinted his eyes at the flag, he could have sworn he had seen the exact flag in Miles room under all his posters and the sticker on Peter’s laptop.T his flag had to mean something to them right? Was it some kind of spider thing that he didn’t know about? Maybe it was something from the future that everybody had.

“Noir?” He snapped out of his questioning daze and turned his head to look at the spider-family. They were all staring at him with either worried or confused stares.

Noir pressed his lips together, fuck, they noticed that he wasn’t paying attention. “Yes?” He said glancing between each of their faces nervously.

“You alright there bud?” Ham asked from on top of Sp//dr. Noir quickly nodded. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine I was just wondering what that flag on Gwen’s door is,” The room suddenly filled with an awkward tension, like Noir had said something none of them wanted to say. “Well um you see,” Gwen started before burying her face in her hands and groaning in frustration. “I can’t so this, Peter you explain,” Peter turned to look at her.

“Wait, why me?!” Peter said furrowing his eyebrows. “Because you’re the oldest one here so explain it or something,” She hissed at him.

Noir rose his eyebrow, whatever this flag was it was something sensitive something they didn’t want him to know about. But he would find out about it if it killed him to do so, he was technically a detective after all. He would even use what they called ‘the internet’ if he had to.

“Well Ham is around my age so shouldn’t he be in the running to explain this to Noir?” Peter said gesturing wildly to Ham. Ham crossed his arms and glared at Peter. “I’m a pig Peter, I think it would be better if a human explained to him.” He said pointedly. “I agree with Ham,” Peni said.

“So do I,” Miles said. Peter looked down and sighed. “Fine,” He mumbled. He looked back up at Noir. Noir leaned forward, ready to take in what Peter was going to tell him.

“Um well so you know what homosexual means, right?” Noir definitely knew what that word meant, to most in his dimension being a homosexual was one of the most horrible things you could do but he didn’t really care who anyone dated, as long as they both liked each other. Hell at one point he had questioned if he was a homosexual, but he couldn’t be since he liked girls and you can’t both dames and men

Noir nodded. Peter nodded back at him, fiddling with the sleeve of his t-shirt.

“Alright good well in the future we celebrate homosexuality and we have more sex than straight and homosexual or gay as we call it here now,”

Peter said then stared at Noir like he was expecting something to go horribly wrong. Noir, on the other hand, was happy, he liked to see people get their equal rights. It was one of the reasons he was so happy to become Spider-man.

“Okay,” Noir said. “So does that flag mean you’re gay or..?” Noir asked. Peter blinked, clearly surprised before shaking his head. “No uh that’s the Bisexual flag, it basically means that you like both women and men, so Gwen likes both of them and so do i,” Peter explained easily as Gwen nodded aside him. “I’m Bi too,” Miles said with a smile. “Me three,” Ham said raising his arm up a waving it around.

“Me forth!.” Peni said excitedly. Bisexual, the way Peter explained it made it seem like he was bisexual, he liked men in the past a little more than friends usually would but he would just brush it off and currently he felt like he preferred Ham over the rest of them. Hanging out with him more often laughing at his jokes more than anyone else. Fuck, he might have a crush on Ham, hopefully, Bisexual also covers pig in it.

“I think I’m Bisexual as well,” He mumbles, just loud enough for everyone hears.

“That’s great!” Ham said with a smile. “Because now we can call ourselves Bi-der people,” Everyone in the room groaned except for Noir and Ham who were snickering at the joke.

“So since we’re talking about sexuality,” Peni starts. “I have a question for Noir,” She said with a cheeky grin. “Go ahead,”

“Okay so have you ever like had sex with anyone?” Noir choked on air as his face turned darker. Gwen and Miles started to laugh.

“Peni!” Peter yelled, looking at her like a disappointed parent would. Peni giggled.

“What I was only asking since he’s the only one of the three of you guys that can legally have sex that hasn’t mentioned having a girlfriend at one point,” When Peni put it like that it sort of made sense.

“Still you shouldn’t ask anyone that,”

“It’s fine Peter,” Noir said reaching up to adjust his glasses. “And to answer your question Peni,” He took a quick breath. “No, I have not,” He said then he immediately glances down as Miles and Gwen stopped laughing.

He didn’t like telling people that he had never experienced sex because it usually led to them trying to hook him up with somebody and he really didn’t want that.

“Oh um okay any reasons why?” Peni asked. Noir took a deep breath, he had never told this to anyone because he was scared of being judged but these were his friends he could trust them.

“It feels wrong,” He said. “I never get the whole thing about sex and I just think it’s weird,” He explained then immediately shut his eyes, not ready for the judgment they could give him.

“Oh, so you're asexual?” Ham asked. Noir looked up and blinked at him.

“Asexual?” He repeated in a questioning tone. “Yeah it’s where you don’t experience sexual attraction,” Ham explained. Noir nodded. “I think I’m that then,” He said and his chest nearly exploded from happiness. It felt so good to know that he wasn’t alone in not wanting to have sex.

“Could guy explain some more sexualities?” He asked because now that he knew that he was part of all this he wanted to know more about it.

They all happily agreed and the next hour or so was spent explaining to him what the LGBTQ+ community was and the different genders and sexualities and it was amazing to him. The fact that the had managed to gain so many rights in so little time was astonishing to him. Gwen even gave him her spare Bisexual flag to take home.

After they were done with that Miles,Gwen, Peter, and Peni went to the kitchen to get something to eat, but Ham and Noir decided to stay back in the bedroom since they weren't that hungry.

“So how’d you like your little gay lesson today?” Ham asked as he climbed onto the bed.

“Great,” Noir answered with a smile. Ham hummed happily before climbing up onto Noirs chest, making Noir’s heart beat hard in his chest.

Noir I was wondering,” Ham starts, ”Since you like men and all I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date?” He asked. Noir’s heart skips a beat as he stares back at Ham, holy shit Ham liked him back.

“I mean I totally understand if you don’t want to go on a date I mean I am a cartoon pig after all,” Ham said. “Ham I want to go on a date with you,” Noir said smiling just a bit.

Cartoon-like hearts appeared around Ham. “Really?” He asked with a toothy grin.

“Yeah,” Noir said. Ham leaned in and kissed his cheek. He laughed and swore that he could stay like this forever.

#hamnoir #spiderman into the spiderverse #spider noir #spider-ham #amesfanfics

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nekojitachan · 5 years

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OK, so after spending a frustrating half an hour while the cats circled for food (THEY ARE SO NEGLECTED) assembling Adirondack chairs (which the husband oh so ‘lovingly’ points out that I keep mispronouncing), I figured I’d share some of the crumbs of wisdom I’d gathered so far on a long term relationship.

Why? Because those damn chairs are a bit of a goal, you see. I’ve wanted them for a while - we finally have a house, we have this nice deck that should be used more often, but I don’t do well in the sun and the heat. BUT, I wanted these chairs, these nice, sturdy, comfortable chairs, at least for the cooler days and nights and so forth. A step up from the cheaper ones we have out there right now.

Ones that will last through the years.

Yeah, there’s a symbolism there.

So when some came up on sale, we went back and forth (because we’d spent on various other things in the past month, so the husband asked me if we really needed them RIGHT NOW, and did that ‘you decide’ thing which anyone in a relationship might recognize... and then came back soon after that and said ‘you know what, I know you want them, and it’s a good price, yadda yadda... so get them’.

So we got them. They arrived. They’re actually good chairs (middle of the path, not the cheapest, not the highest end) and he built one and I built one and there was the familiar joke of how he had to go back and tighten everything for me because I never do that enough, but it’s a thing with us at this point, when we have over ten years together. Wow, ten plus years.

I still can’t believe that.

So, those crumbs of wisdom?

Find someone who recognizes what you want and accepts it. But be willing to recognize what they want, too. There’s give and take, ALWAYS. You don’t want either of you to be a doormat. See above, where he was all ‘you think about things’ at first, but then he also realized that I wanted something and then said ‘never mind, we’ll get them’. At first, yeah, he wasn’t ready to just say ‘yes’ because we are trying to keep an eye on the budget right now (we still are, if these hadn’t been on sale then we wouldn’t have gotten them), but he took into consideration what I wanted. When he comes to me for things, I try to balance out what he wants and what we can do - if it’s possible and it doesn’t mean something that’s going to make us or me miserable? Then it’s an easy yes.

It’s important, that ‘not make me/him(or her, or their) miserable’ part. You should never do something that’s going to make you miserable just because you think it’ll make your partner happy. Respect both of you, and demand your partner respect the both of you, too.

Respect each other’s space. We each have an area we can retreat to when we need it. We each allow the other time to go do what they want. We don’t freak out if the other goes off with other people on their own (we let the other know where we’re going/what we’re doing, but we think of that as common courtesy and let’s be honest, considering the state of the world, important these days). I honestly don’t care that he talks to ex-girlfriends. He broke up with them for a reason. He, knowing that I’m bi, doesn’t care that I spend time away with other women (or with men, to be honest, but I spend most of my spare time and vacations with other women). We chose each other. We trust each other. If you don’t trust each other, then you need to seriously re-evaluate your relationship.

Once you’re in that relationship and you think it’s long term? Financial stuff is very important. Discuss what you owe and your plans to resolve the debt. Are you going to buy a house together? You need to start planning. Seriously. Square whatever bills you have (and it’s fine if it’ll take a while), start building a savings account for a deposit, any possible retirement funds, all of that if you’re going to go into that together. Talk about this. I know it’s frightening considering how messed up things are because of college loans and the job market, but you need to be honest with each other, and you can help/support each other. Figure out if you’re going to do this together or if just one of you is planning on shouldering the burden (you still need to plan it at some point). Deciding on if you’ll do it together and getting serious about it sooner rather than later is best (not saying you have to be married, but the more prepared you are, and the sooner you get everything ready for the background checks and down payments, not to mention the legal documentation, is best).

Once you have that house? You need budgets. They’re going to try to get you to buy more than you can really afford (watch out for the monthly payments), and you have to factor in taxes and upkeep and monthly bills. The better you budget, the less stress you’ll have together (and there will have been enough stress just finding the damn house, trust me). Work it out, and leave room for some fun is my recommendation. Doesn’t mean you have to splurge on fine dining and extravagant vacations (unless you both agree to it), but you never know what’s going to happen so enjoy life a little. Take advantage of as much local free and cheap stuff as you can, do that budgeting, and spend wisely.

Don’t let anyone tell you how to live together. I’ll be perfectly honest, we each have our own bedroom. Between my migraines and VERY early work hours, it’s just best. It also goes back to that ‘own space’ and when we moved in together, he had a slight allergy to cats (and I came with two cats, no question or other alternative) so it was best he had a room w/out any cat dander. It doesn’t impact our relationship (it probably helps since we each have very different sleep schedules and habits) and intimacy, though I know some people can’t understand the concept of a married couple not sleeping together each night. But that’s just it - there’s not a ‘one size fits all’ when it comes people in relationships. So don’t let people tell you that you have to share a bed or a room, that it won’t work otherwise.

Be prepared for setbacks. Shit happens, as the saying goes. That’s why you budget, that’s why if at all possible, you put away a little each month for a new dishwasher or new brake pads or whatever. Why you enjoy life but don’t go overboard. Why you support each other, be honest with each other. Life will rarely be perfect, so be willing to listen to each other, receive the honest criticism and help. And if one of you needs space because of what’s happening... accept that but don’t take things for granted. Not to say you don’t watch out for your partner slipping into depression or something, but that again, a relationship isn’t static.

Ah... I think that’s it? At least for now. I’ll probably feel stupid for this later, but for now... but I think this is something I’ve thought about for a while and wanted to put out there for people. I know some friends who also have been in relationships for a while, so if you can think of anything I missed or want to suggest? Add on, please.

#relationships #would like to know others thoughts on this #my weak wisdom on life so far

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sofreakinmanyfandoms · 5 years

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November 14 - We’re Gonna Go Flirt with Superheroes

Some important notes:

1. Thank you to my amazing friend Dean for letting me use their delightful self as a character in this fic. You may all be jealous that I actually know this person.

2. Because Dean does not have the cleanest of language, this fic has significantly more swearing than anything else I've posted here. I still only put half as much language as normally spews from their mouth. Love you, babe.

3. I've never actually been to a hipster bar and it's been years since I've been to Portland. Please forgive me for any obvious errors.

4. I normally shy away from describing the reader too much, but honestly? I needed this. I needed to explore a bit what it's like being straight but looking gay, because while it's nothing compared to what the LGBT+ community goes through, it's something I get a lot of grief for from my conservative Christian extended family. I needed a fic where the main girl has short hair, okay? Okay.

Thanks for letting me vent myself in this fic.

Word count: 2416

Warnings: Language, mentions of cheating, if you’re homophobic you’ll hate this one so go suck an egg

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X short haired!hipster!Reader

“Ah, Portland,” Sam said with a sigh, looking around at the bar that was definitely owned by someone very hipster. “Remind me again why we’re here?”

“It was the closest city with the material Stark needs to fix the jet,” Steve reminded him. “He’ll have it ready by morning and we’ll be on our way back to the compound.”

“Friends,” Thor declared cheerily, throwing his arms around their shoulders, “despite our transport’s destruction, we have won a great victory this day! Let us celebrate, even if your Midgardian drinks are weaker than mother’s milk.”

Bucky followed behind them, feeling out of place as he took in the décor. The floor and ceiling were concrete, but the walls had been coated in what looked like disassembled pallets with wooden booths build out of the walls. The free-standing tables were giant spools and he was pretty sure no two chairs in the whole building matched. Whoever had been in charge of decorating had even taken the chalkboard menu trope to the extreme, making the whole wall behind the bar a blackboard instead of just hanging one up. Everything was decked out in old – sorry, “recycled” – netting and buoys, presumably ones that had seen actual use based on their condition. Also, Bucky had never seen so much flannel in his life.

He settled into a booth with Sam as Steve and Thor went to get their drinks. The other man was looking around, a determined expression on his face.

“Here’s where we get to the hard part,” Sam whispered to him. “Now we’ve gotta figure out which women are gay and which are just fashionable.

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows at his friend. “I don’t understand.”

Sam leaned back and nodded to the bar. “Well, normally you see a woman in skinny jeans, a plaid flannel, and a beanie? She’s a lesbian. But we’re in Portland, where that’s everyone’s style, so it gets harder. Like the chick on the end of the bar? Pixie cut, slouchy beanie, band tee that’s probably for some local group her friend is in under her open flannel, black jeans that look painted on, and totally ignoring the prime male specimens currently ordering our drinks in favor of her cell phone? Definitely gay. But that chick over there,” he subtly pointed to a nearly identically-dressed girl, shorter and with longer hair, who had definitely noticed Steve and Thor’s presence, “is either straight or bi. I can work with either of those.”

Snorting at his friend’s explanation, Bucky flashed a quick look back at the woman at the end of the bar. Sam was probably right. Too bad; she was beautiful, and he wouldn’t have minded getting to know her better.

----------

You sighed at your phone and shifted on your seat at the end of the bar. Your friend was late again; they were always late. According to the text chain you were receiving nearly non-stop, they were also probably already drunk, not that that was surprising anymore.

“Come on, Dean,” you muttered under your breath. “I need you here before he shows up.”

Five minutes later, your friend stumbled through the door, giggling madly at, well, you didn’t want to know what. They stumbled their way over to you and collapsed onto a stool.

“Why are we here?” Dean immediately began complaining. “I stick out like a sore thumb. I’m more goth than hipster, you know that.”

“We’re here because I nanny for the owner part-time so the drinks are free,” you pointed out, rolling your eyes. “You know fully well that any place becomes your scene when you don’t have to pay for alcohol.”

“True,” Dean replied with another giggle. “I didn’t have to pay at the last place either, because I’m fucking hot. Three guys and two girls bought me drinks.”

“Aaand, that’s it, you’re cut off for the night,” you sighed, asking the bartender for a coffee for your definitely drunk friend. “You did kill your makeup tonight, though. It looks great.”

“Damn right it does,” they slurred. “Hey, how come you didn’t tell me? I’d have gotten here a hell of a lot sooner if you’d told me there were Avengers in the building.”

You followed your friend’s line of sight to where there were in fact four members of the Avengers seated in a booth.

“Oh… I didn’t notice them.”

Dean scoffed and gave you that knowing look that you really hated. “You got lost in your phone again, didn’t you? Just in case he showed up.” The blush on your face was enough of an answer. “Damn it, woman, he’s a fucking asshole who never deserved you and I’d have killed him already if you weren’t so fucking concerned with whether or not things are legal.” They downed the rest of their coffee with a grimace and pushed themselves off the bar, grabbing for your hand. “Come on. We’re gonna go flirt with superheroes.”

Your eyes widened in horror. “Oh no. I am not going to talk to the Avengers with you while you’re drunk.”

Dean’s eyes narrowed as they looked at you. “Then you have to promise me you’ll sing karaoke tonight. You haven’t done it since that bastard criticized your voice, and I miss hearing it. You’re fucking good, and you let that fucking moron rob us all of your beautiful songbird-ness.”

“I hope you realize how drunk you sound.”

“Do we have a deal or not? Because if I’m going to give up a shot at fucking Thor, it had better be for a good reason.”

You sighed. Your friend was always stubborn like this. “Fine, we have a deal.”

“Awesome! I get to pick your song.”

“Aw, hell, no…”

----------

Your ex showed up right before karaoke started as he always did.

“Look at the smug asshole,” Dean muttered into the drink they’d somehow managed to get despite your best efforts. They put on a comically feminine voice and mimicked, “I must sing every chance I get, for my voice is God’s gift to mankind and to deprive people of the joy of listening to it would be blasphemy of the highest fucking order!”

“Dean,” you sighed, “please behave. You’ve already gotten me to agree to singing again. You don’t need to start a scene with him, too.”

“I should cut off his fucking dick for cheating on you.”

Because you knew Dean, you were concerned they meant it. “Don’t. He did me a favor, helping me realize he wasn’t worth it. Now, did you sign me up for karaoke already, or do I need to do it?”

The grin they flashed you was even more concerning when paired with how much they’d had to drink. “I signed us both up. After you sing your mystery song – yes, you’ll have enough of an intro to figure out what it is and come in on time, they put the lyrics up anyway, you’ll be fine – I’ll blow your performance out of the water with a spectacular rendition of ‘Bang, Bang.’ Your ex won’t know what hit him.”

“I’m sure he won’t,” you said dryly, only to be horrified when your name was called first as karaoke started.

Dean laughed at the glare you threw them. “Go blow them all away with your magical voice, darling!”

“Y/N,” the bar’s owner said into his mic when you stepped up on stage. “It’s been far too long, m’lady! Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in a few months, it’s the lovely Y/N singing ‘Shake It Off’!”

“Really, Dean?” you asked, picking up your mic. “All the songs in the world to choose from and that’s the one you picked for me?” The regulars laughed at your teasing as Dean raised their beer in salute. Almost before you had a moment to collect yourself, the music was off and you could feel your ex studying you from his seat near the back with his new woman draped across him. You shut him out of your mind and focus and launched yourself into the song, determined to have fun even if you weren’t really drunk enough to do a Taylor Swift song for karaoke.

----------

Bucky hadn’t been paying attention to much other than his beer until the karaoke started. Their booth was set up at the perfect spot for watching the stage, and he chided himself for the way his heart jumped when you stepped on stage.

“Really, Dean?” you joked, shooting a look at your friend who did not look like – he? She? Bucky couldn’t tell which – would be interested in hanging out in a bar like this. Then you took a deep breath and wow, your whole demeanor changed as you started singing. It was like the song took over you and you had an entirely different energy about you.

“I go on too many dates, but I can’t make ‘em stay,” you sang, and Bucky watched you work the stage, using the mic stand to your theatrical advantage even as you held the mic in your hand. He’d say you were hamming it up for the crowd, but there was something about your performance that said maybe some of the words were hitting a little too close to home for you to be too flippant with them.

“My ex man brought his new girlfriend,” and he didn’t miss the way your eyes flickered to a couple in the back. “And to the fella over there with the hella good hair, why don’t you come on over baby? We can shake, shake, shake.”

He almost choked on his beer, because he could swear that during that last line you had looked over and winked at him in a very “I’m not a lesbian and I want to climb you like a tree” type way. Bucky’s eyes quickly flickered to Sam to see if the other man caught it, but if he had, he wasn’t giving any indication of it.

It had to have been the performance, right? You were just working the audience. When the song ended, he made sure to applaud, and soon your friend (Dean, the announcer called them) was on stage singing like they were, well, as hammered as they looked.

----------

“Come ooooonnnn,” Dean whined, tugging on your sleeve. “Y/N, they’re in town and they’re in this bar and Thor’s so hot I’m surprised I don’t have a sunburn yet. I can’t talk to them alone. Come flirt with me.”

Your friend wasn’t going to give up anytime soon, so you slammed back the rest of your drink and stood.

“Fine,” you said, “but if you look like you’re going to puke on an Avenger at any point I’m dragging you home.”

“Yay!” they cheered, immediately pulling you over to their table and sliding into the booth next to Thor. “Hello, gentlemen of the Avengers. My name is Dean, I’m genderfluid and pansexual and would gladly climb any of you. This is Y/N and she’s a straight prude but if you give her enough alcohol you might be able to get a nice make-out session with her.”

You groaned and rubbed your face with your hand. “Sorry for my friend here. They passed merely being drunk an hour before karaoke started.”

“Pleasure to meet you both,” Captain America (YOU WERE TALKING TO CAPTAIN AMERICA?!?) said. “I’m Steve, and this is Bucky, Sam, and Thor.”

“Hi, Thor.” Dean batted their eyelashes and you choked back a snerk.

Bucky pushed at Sam and the two slid a little further back in the booth, making space for you to sit next to the soldier. He motioned to the seat and you slid next to him hesitantly.

“Sorry for interrupting your evening,” you apologized quietly, although Dean had long since tuned you out in favor of attempting to seduce the god of thunder. “Dean gets an idea their head and I’m basically stuck along for the ride.”

“It’s no problem,” Sam said smoothly. “I do have one question, though. Are you really straight?”

You couldn’t help but laugh, and Bucky thought that might be the nicest sound he’d ever heard. “Yes, I’m really straight. Most people are surprised, but my sense of style wasn’t enough to keep jerks from hitting on me so I got a haircut and fell in love with the style. It’s let me fly under the radar a lot more frequently, which is nice.”

“I can’t imagine how,” Bucky said, a blush creeping up his cheeks. “You’re beautiful.”

Before you could thank him, a voice to your left made you freeze.

“Y/N.”

Dean’s attention was snapped away from Thor and they stared down your ex. “Listen, asshole –”

“Dean.” You held up a finger to stop your friend before they made too much of a scene before entirely turning to your ex. “What do you want, Daniel?”

“It’s free karaoke time,” he crooned, ignoring how unwanted he obviously was. “I thought maybe we could do a duet together, for old time’s sake?”

You affixed him with a glare that would whither a plant. “Why on earth would I want to be reminded of our time together?”

That seemed to shake his confidence a bit. “I’m just being friendly,” he snapped.

“You don’t know how to just be friendly. We’re over, Daniel, so get over it already. If you really wanted me, you wouldn’t have cheated.”

“I believe you heard the lady,” Thor cut in before Daniel could reply. “She wishes for you to leave her alone, and I suggest you abide by her wishes.

For the first time he seemed to notice who you were sitting with, and he sulked off back to his date.

“Well,” Sam broke the silence that had fallen over the table, “I’m guessing that relationship being over is a good thing?”

You nodded. “Thank you,” you told Thor. “I appreciate the support.”

“Anytime, m’lady.”

----------

“Do you want to talk about it?” Bucky asked you softly a few minutes later when you had yet to join the table’s renewed conversation.

You shook your head. “He was a jerk who cheated on me so I got out. It was a long time ago.”

“How could anyone throw away someone like you?”

The earnest way he said it made you blush.

“His loss,” you whispered shyly.

Bucky only paused a moment before asking, “Could I make his loss my gain?”

“I’d like that,” you said with a smile. “I’d like that very much.”

#30 days of avengers one shots #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #Winter Soldier #reader #reader insert #portland #portland oregon #hipster #bar #karaoke #taylor swift #language #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #masterlist #i still suck at tagging

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nightcoremoon · 5 years

Text

So I finally watched Deadpool 2. long post. very... very... very long.

back in 2009 my then 7 year old sister really got into avatar the last airbender and I hadn't really watched it but I had to share the tv with my four sisters and honestly between the kids television and disney sitcoms it was a breath of fresh air, and for a year and a half we would wait for reruns of episodes we hadn't seen yet. avatar was the show that got me into fandoms. alas, time passed and by the time korra was playing we'd moved to a different house and lost cable tv because the stepfather refused to pay child support and we were on a one parent income. we didn't really do anything together anymore either because I was in high school now. but then she got super into comic books. and I mean SUPER into them. especially harley quinn and deadpool. so when they announced the first movie and suicide squad we had both collectively lost our shit in excitement. alas, mom said she wasn't allowed to watch it since it was rated R and she was only 14. so one late february afternoon I was gonna take her out to see a movie. I told mom we were going to go see zoolander 2. in the car, I looked at her and said

we're not watching zoolander

and she screamed

and we watched deadpool

AND IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME

anyway more time passed and I heard that a second one was coming out and I wanted to do the same thing but that didn't happen and I lost my chance to see it in the theater. and then as I got enraptured in transitioning and working and a whole bunch of other stuff I just never got around to it. I did watch all of the supporting videos and trailers and stuff though. anyways, my sister (yes the same one) just rented it on dvd from a video store and watched it with her boyfriend today (actually yesterday but shut up), so I just sat down to watch it after work and

Was

...

a little disappointing at first, don't get me wrong. there were a lot of plot contrivances and I LOATHE fridge stuffing. I literally made a joke, "if she dies I'm gonna be mad" and then BOOM she fucking died and I was so pissed off I almost just turned it off. but I decided fuck it might as well watch the whole thing. it was a huge step forward from a technical perspective and all of the cinematography was on point and I could tell david pulled his a-game and did so much better than tim did (sorry tim, I love mass effect 2 and scott pilgrim if it's any consolation) and felt so much more fluid of an action movie considering the man did john fucking wick. of course ryan was fantastic too, as he always is. everyone was great: rena, tj, karan, leslie, BRI AND KUTSUNA-SAN, zazie, and stef's voice plus the cgi crew. also I always love terry crews, bill skarsgard, matt damon, alan tudyk, and the two seconds that brad pitt was on screen, even if their appearances were for comedic effect. I wasn't really sold on julian though but he's a newcomer on the scene and he did pretty well for all intents and purposes. I could tell which scenes were filmed first thought but this isn't a scathing attack on a child's acting abilities. I'm just angry that the actual plot for getting to the end was so weak, that they're aware and had ryan lampshade the fuck out of it, and the last half hour was such a trip.

okay so first of all how in the FUCK did sergei figure out who deadpool's secret identity was, track down wade wilson's apartment, get a hit crew together, and make his way downtown in the amount of time it took dopinder to drive wade home, wade and vanessa to bang, and them to start watching a movie? oh yeah sure there's nothing saying that their talk about his daddy issues was the same day let alone the same hour as the previous scene except for the simple fact that there was no fucking indication that any time had passed. either way, someone fucked up, and it was for the sole purpose of fridging ness to cause wade manpain. although frankly the only thing I hate worse than killing off the previous waifu for the next is breaking them up for zero reason whatsoever from out of nowhere (or doing both: if you do both then you're no better than paul blart mall cop 2 and that movie is a steaming blight on humanity that's only saved by perfectly syncing to pink floyd's dark side of the moon album). and to be fair THEY ACTUALLY USED THAT AS A PLOT ELEMENT AND MADE ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND HAUNTING SCENES I HAVE EVER SEEN IN A MOVIE. and also a hilarious one. so that sucked at first but then redeemed itself later. I'm still a little salty that he killed francis for nothing. MORE ON KILLING LATER.

(actually upon reflection maybe wade didn't hide his secret identity at all so it's perfectly reasonable that sergei just went after him but that would awaken a whole swathe of problems like why the fuck are wade and ness livin in the middle of the city full of crime and shit??? and more on that later)

dopinder killing his rival in love. come on now, that's just unrealistic. dopinder is too fucking incompetent to successfully murder anyone who isn't a pedophile. MORE ON THAT LATER.

the suicide. I can understand going out with a bang but are we supposed to believe that wade bought all those barrels, wheeled them in, and arranged them all and never once thought "well gee maybe I'm overreacting a little bit"? okay, he was depressed and not thinking clearly, but he was constantly getting drunk, doing coke, and god knows what else. he somehow didn't have the clarity to not kill himself but had just enough to arrange such an extravagant death? yeah yeah I get it, rule of funny and cool, and I can forgive it because it's deadpool, but god damn it that's really lazy (AND GODDAMN IT THEY EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE IT TOO. ITS LIKE THE ROYAL RAT AUTHORITY BONFIRE HERE). it's also indicative that weasel and colossus and dopinder are just bad or at least distant friends. and at least althea has an excuse being that she can't see. but as for the other two? bruh he is suicidal and unstable as hell. the last thing he needs is SPACE. but well maybe he hid it well, like kurt cobain, robin williams, chris cornell, chester bennington, okay writing this sentence maybe that actually does make sense. fuck.

negasonic thought that wade "flamboyant pansexual" wilson was lesbophobic? what? I understand it was for a joke but like come on now. surely she'd know that wade legitimately wanted to fuck colossus but wouldn't because he loved vanessa. lesbian gaydar works well, okay? then again the writers are not lesbians so I mean they can't be faulted for not grasping the raw power lesbians exude. (and if there's canonical evidence negasonic is actually bi, the same rule applies because wlw solidarity and stuff). and that's more than made up with the interactions between wade and yukio. whom I love and would die for. she's delightful and I hope she gets plenty of screentime in DP3. (also lmao 'pinkie pie from my little pony'. the real pink pony would be proud)

now, I get that this is purely because of license issues and budget constraints but THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF THE X MEN COEXISTING WITH THE PEDOPHILE HOME AND THE ICE BOX IN THE SAME UNIVERSE IS SO FUCKING ASININE. even if I made concessions for everyone being dead despite the timeline being fucked up the ass without lube, and admitting to never having watched literally any x men movie past X3 and yes that means I've not seen origins, japan arc [wait shit yukio's in that WTF SONY], first class, days of future past, apocalypse, or logan so I'm not an expert on the field but like. FUCK. I know there's jurisdiction, things change, erik is away and charles is dead (I think) and logan is dead (I know), and there's six whole movies I'm lost on, but jesus christ, none of that segment had any work done to make sure it was logical. so here we're supposed to believe that colossus and negasonic took wade as a trainee in the X Jet to Allegorical Racist/Homophobic And Literal Pedophile Central to... do what, exactly? What was the fucking plan? Because it sure as fuck looks like the plan was to distract him enough to force the Devil May Cry (sorry but I see DMC I either think of the rap duo or the game series) to haul him off to fucking prison to the fucking nth power. Colossus who seems to be the head honcho and sole decision maker of the X Men just stood by and watched until bullets started flying. Was he recruiting? Was he the damage control? Was he the cheap plot moving device whose sole reason for showing up at Essex was to punch Wade out before he killed headmaster touchykids allowing for the hamfisted climax? Clearly if we were to derive any conclusion from this circlejerk we have to assume that not only Colossus but the entirety of the XMansion just don't give a fuck anymore, or that it isn't important to make sense because hey this is a Deadpool movie so fuck you for using logic. Excuse the shit out of me for being confused as to what the fuck actually happened, because if Colossus is willing to let Wade get thrown into prison for killing a pedophile but he's not gonna TAKE ACTUAL LEGAL ACTION AGAINST ESSEX HOUSE FOR TORTURING MUTANT CHILDREN FOR DECADES (Domino admitted to it being the same when she was a kid), either it's just a Public Relations nightmare to not let the Run-DMC haul him off, Essex is a legal powerhouse on the same level as the Westboro Baptist Cult with lawyers up the ass, or they changed a lot of shit from the trailers and cobbled together what they could from what remained (which is the most likely suspect because Bedlam and Shatterstar had scenes in the trailer where they were not dead and were actually fighting with Wade and Domino). Regardless, the scene however dumb and nonsensical was necessary I guess, and established Russell/Firefist as a character. I'm still gonna be pissed about that in particular but HOLY SHIT is that stupid. But that's not all that's stupid. More on that later.

Cable's motivations are grief. His hypocrisy is understandable. Killing kids is wrong so I'm gonna kill a kid so he doesn't kill other kids. Why doesn't Russel deserve life? Because he's a mutant? Wow, Thanos is racist AND mutant-phobic! In all seriousness though, all Cable had to do was nothing to prevent his family's death. If he had stayed in the future, nobody would have broken Russel out so there would be no way in hell he'd have killed the headmaster let alone everyone else he did. Although according to the laws of time travel, the timeline Cable came from was the timeline that he went back in time and did everything exactly the way it happened up until Wade took that bullet for Russel. Because that's the moment the teddy bear lost its bloodstain. Because literally not a goddamn thing changed the course of history up until that exact moment, THAT IS THE EXACT FUCKING MOMENT IT BUTTERFLY EFFECTED ITS WAY TO HELL AND BACK. Cable's dead family is a direct result of him going back in time to kill Russel to save them and failing miserably. And god I love time travel paradoxes UGH I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH. We have to assume Cable failed and that's why he succeeded. THATS SO FUCKING STUPID.

And you know what else is stupid? Wade made it back to New York after breaking out of DMC. How is that stupid? Well, first of all, the facility wasn't looking for THEIR MOST DANGEROUS INMATE. Black Tom said it himself, Wade is the toughest cunt in there. Although Juggernaut is way more powerful but whatever. More on that later. Anyway, the facility got the riot back on lockdown despite Cable decimating most of the staff, and got everyone in line enough to get them to start convoying to the more secure location. Did they see that Wade was missing and decide "hey, fuck it, what can the literally most unkillable man in the world with the most enormous boner for revenge in the universe POSSIBLY do to us who forced him to slowly die of cancer all over again in a hell prison???" Fucking stupid. Even dumber is the actual X Men themselves not giving a shit that there was an attack on the ice box which is apparently Mike Pence's wet dream, not lifting a finger to so much as offer assistance TO ENSURE THE SAFETY AND REHABILITATION OF ALL OF THE MUTANT INMATES, or even so much as being like "hey guys is Wade doing okay dying from cancer in your Guantanamo Bay?". And dumber still than that is Colossus deciding that Wade deserves to slowly die of cancer since he killed a pedophile who abused a kid so bad he used his powers for destruction and murder and evil and eventually became one of the most deadly sociopathic murderers in the fucked up future world, rationalizing it because Wade broke the rules of being an X-man by killing, even though Wade didn't wanna be an X-man in the first place. Colossus dragged Wade from his suicide directly to the X manor to get his body healed, forced him along to a mission he didn't wanna be a part of, and then punished him for killing a pedophile by forcing him to die slowly from the cancer while getting the shit kicked out of him by convicts. AND THEN WADE APOLOGIZED TO COLOSSUS? ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL HERE? WADE WAS SUICIDAL AND COLOSSUS FORCED HIM INTO PRISON. Bad friend, 0/10.

Seriously, a queer military vet with ptsd and a fucked up past replete with daddy issues who developed cancer and was then tortured by a shadow organization went on a revenge spree followed by a murder spree as a mercenary, and expressed that he's a violent psychopath who won't hesitate to murder sex traffickers or pedophiles or people who threaten his girl, and watched said girl (the only good thing in his fucked up life) die right in his arms immediately after his life was about to go in a good direction and start a family and probably give up all of the murder business and just be the best dad in the world and give a good life to someone to make up for the one he never got himself, did a cocaine bender, and literally committed suicide. But his godforsaken mutation wouldn't let him die, so he couldn't even see his Vanessa again. He clearly has severe clinical depression and needed a FUCKING MENTAL HOSPITAL STAY, not being shoved into a planless feeble attempt to get him to join the Xmen (using him for an extra hand for missions), and he was allowed to BRING THE GUNS, and he was confronted with a physically and sexually abused CHILD with mutant powers he probably didn't ask for that ruined his life and got him sent to Essex, a BIG KNOWN HOTSPOT FOR PEDOPHILES, and he has a big problem with sex criminals (oh yeah and the girl he loved so much he killed himself when she died? sex worker with a life full of being sexually assaulted herself. let alone the fact that wade has been sexually assaulted as well). You take a queer, mentally ill, suffering man and push him past his breaking point, and let him bring guns to a pedophile nest, HE IS GOING TO KILL THE PEDOPHILES. Colossus is a fucking cunt in this situation in every single conceivable fashion. He dragged Wade out of the frying pan, and out of the fire, and into the fucking woodchipper, before stepping on him. The situation is so far behind fucked up that I don't even think the crew fully grasp the full gravity of the situation described. But I digress.

Things weren't all bad from this point on.

The recruitment was funny and full of people. Dopinder's reaction at Peter was amazing and I love him. Domino was fucking phenomenal and I loved her. I knew that everyone else was dead from the moment I saw them, though, but I still loved them anyway. Brad. fucking. Pitt. Great action scene all around. Josh Brolin is just the baddest of asses. Murphy's law is supreme.

Juggernaut's reveal was well done. Still dumb but not quite "AHM THE JUGGANAUT BITCH" dumb. Cool dumb. And then he Megatron'd Wade which was even cooler. I thought Russell joining him was a little dumb but it was quite a callback. Although it begs the question: Wade knew it was foreshadowing something and he knew that Juggernaut existed but he just isn't omniscient and the inconsistency is driving me fucking bonkers. This isnt the Deadpool of the comics. This is the movie Deadpool. And while I do like it I can't say it's without flaws. That's ok but still annoying as fuck. And then more flaws.

It's stupid that Colossus would react the way he did when he learned Wade was back. Well if Colossus was moping about because an entire convoy of mutants literally fucking died except for Juggernaut (PROFESSOR X'S BROTHER IN THIS CHRONOLOGY) and Russell, that's even dumber. If he learned Wade was back at that moment then he's not even paying attention to anything considering Deadpool was out and about. Negasonic and Yukio didn't look too surprised to see him. Lazy writing, lampshades, whatever, blah blah who even fucking cares.

The heroes show up just in time. Shocking. But of course if they didn't it'd be a boring movie.

The action scene was FANTASTIC. It balanced four different fight scenes all at once. Why Jug didn't rip Cable in half like he did Wade I won't ask, maybe because he's half robot I guess idk. Still, Wade/Cable, Domino, and Colossus kicked ass, and Russell's advance to the headmaster was beastly. Julian's acting wasn't the best and neither was Eddie's but I got what they went for and HOLY SHIT THE SCENE IS SO CHILLING, especially for queer youth. Bryan Singer could only dream of that level of subtle analogues.

I thought it was dumb that Cable was all like "if Russell kills then he'll be an evil monster since killing is wrong" even though literally every one of the people there have killed several people that fucking day. Cable killed many, Wade killed many, Domino killed many. Granted they killed mostly pedophiles but they also killed a lot of DMC people & innocent civilians (accidentally). But again he was grieving so whatever.

Negasonic and Yukio had their moment too, I just wish there was more. But that's what the threequel is for. WE WANT MORE LESBIANS!

Wade has balls, I'll give him that. Where he kept that power nullifier I'll never know. [also... fuck that noise. they just have a collar that turns off mutant powers? ORORO WILL HAVE A FUCKIN ANEURYSM. and marie will have an orgasm. for once in her life. hahaha references]. But it was still a great scene. Russell is actually a really good character, if he is a bit Woobie, Destroyer Of Worlds. But I like that trope. Simon from Cry of Fear is one of my favorite characters in that respect; sympathetic even to the very end if he kills Purnell and Sophie (god that monologue is so haunting... "have fun cleaning my brains off the wall. FUCK YOU."). He's basically just a mini Wade but a mutant first. And it allowed Wade to have a defining character moment.

And what a moment. There's a quote that was said about The Princess Bride that I feel works here. It was about the Inigo fight with Rugen. "A comedy is only as strong as the moment when it stops being funny." And the moment when Inigo stabs Rugen, and says "I want my father back, you son of a bitch." is just permanently etched in my mind because the entire movie you watch with a smile up until right at that moment. And when Wade finally bites it, you think "oh, he'll just wake up again and make another joke" but he doesn't. He doesn't move again. He shows up on death's door. And you hear the acoustic version of Take On Me. And he walks through the fog door, and he's got his skin back. He did it, he's finally reunited with Vanessa. And Cable looks away, and you start to piece together where they're going with it, and he goes back, and you wonder wtf is this, and it returns to the present day and Wade digs in the wound AND PULLS OUT THE SKEE BALL TOKEN HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS OH MY GOD THATS THE COOLEST SHIT IVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE JESUS CHRIST ON A STICK.

THE ENTIRE ENDING SCENE IS SO ICONIC.

And the whipped cream on top of the sundae is the headmaster getting creamed in the middle of his tirade. And then Dopinder's reaction is the cherry.

After that it kinda does the sappy ending which is fine for what it is. And then it brings in all the fourth wall breaking time travel shenanigans, drenching it in sap and Ryan Reynolds' brains.

The music is just OH MY GOD amazing. Yeah there's the pina colada song and skrillex and celine dion and ac/dc and enya and pat benatar and peter gabriel and cher and steve miller and for some reason diplo/french montana/lil pump but THOSE ARE ALL ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD OKAY???

The movie is chock full of amazing lines.

The fights are all really fluid and visceral.

The cinematography is always on point.

The plot formula is shaken up a little bit.

Several pedophiles die incredibly violently.

ITS A REALLY GREAT MOVIE, FOR REAL.

I'd literally say it's better than the first one.

All of the plot contrivances in the first half are negligible and are barely even problems unless you overanalyze them too much. Like I do.

And I also watched all of the extras... Celine Dion is such a good sport, really, and honestly kind of a dork and super endearing and I love her honestly and think she caught too much flak for being a) a woman b) popular c) in the worst 'romance' movie ever made tifuckintanic god I hate that movie so much despite loving kate winslett, leonardo dicaprio, and james cameron as much as I really loathe to admit it. And Ashes is a really good song.

And I never thought I'd say this but... Lil Pump has really nice flow. I really kinda hope he isn't the dead one. I despise French Montana but I love Sia and by extension Diplo (because LSD), and the song they did for the movie was... bad. But I'll probably be checking out Lil Pump soon.

And anyway the winter solstice mtv unplugged acoustic version of take on me? Beautiful.

I enjoyed this movie a lot, despite the nitpicks.

Thank you Canada. 🇨🇦

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savage-angel-was-a-mistake · 6 years

Text

What’s the Worst That Could Happen? Chapter 5 - How Do We Know He’s Not A Gay Communist?

Summary: The questions people ask in the conferences are typically predictable, until the turn sour and begin to attack both Naruto's sexuality and Sasuke's nationality.

A press conference was to be held later that day.

The whole two weeks they were given to prepare was filled to the brim with Sasuke shoving Naruto’s various forms of affection away in an attempt to write a speech and create responses to his hypothesized questions. Naruto pouted endlessly. Sasuke did not care.

Their marriage became a hot topic on social media as well as the news. Mr. Uzumaki² was, for some odd reason, a shock to everyone. Many claimed they saw it coming but most were upset at the discovery, whether due to Naruto being unavailable to women (he’s bi, but that doesn’t matter since he’s also Sasuke’s) or to the fact that he’s a homosexual (again, bisexual, but he is in a homosexual relationship). The current pool of voters in their favor was diminishing very quickly.

Sasuke had to come up with some way to take people’s minds off the fact that Naruto Uzumaki was married to another man. It irked him that it was such a big deal, but what he believed constituted as big deal wasn’t the same as what others constituted as a big deal, namely the voters.

There was this… intense fear that Naruto would lose everything because of Sasuke in some way, shape, or form. Sasuke didn’t want to cost Naruto this victory, this dream of his he had at 2 o’clock in the bloody morning. Naruto was always passionate about everything, and it was Sasuke’s duty to make sure he got to where he wanted to be.

So currently, Sasuke was trying to find a way to soften the aftermath of the blow the voters had received.

“What are your views on the drug problems in this country? Are you for the legalization of marijuana?”

“Honestly, the drug problem is a bigger deal than it needs to be since the government is stepping in so much,” Naruto explained, “marijuana isn’t going to hurt anyone. Alcohol tends to hurt more than a little weed does. The decision to make it illegal was not a step in the right direction – people are being incarcerated everyday for something completely ridiculous. This ruling on the subject hurts more people than it will ever help.”

“What about vaccinations causing autism? What will you do to stop that?”

“…well, seeing as vaccines don’t actually cause autism, nothing. Besides, I would prefer having a living, autistic child than a dead child killed by a preventable disease. Autism is not some horrible thing, and the fear around it is ill-informed.”

Sasuke examined his nails as he listened to Naruto’s answers. They’re good enough – not the wording Sasuke wrote for him in the least sense, but he got the gist. Sasuke was pleased thus far with not only the predictability of the questions posed but with Naruto’s serious answers to the questions as well.

“How can we know you’ll be a good president if you’re married to a man?”

Sasuke’s heart dropped.

“I don’t see how the gender of my spouse decides how well I’ll do as president.” Naruto replied.

“How do we know you won’t try to change everyone to gay?”

“All I see here is you attempting to convince me to not be gay.”

“Are you attacking me?”

“Are you attacking my spouse?”

Sasuke stepped up to Naruto.

“What are you doing?” Sasuke hissed quietly.

“This question is absolutely ridiculous.” Naruto whispered back angrily.

“You’re running for president, you’re going to see some ridiculous things.”

“I don’t like them talking about our marriage like that.”

“Excuse me, are you consulting your husband?” A reporter called out.

“Why, yes,” Naruto turned back to the crowd, “as a matter of fact I am. He is my campaign manager as well as my spouse, so consulting with him is always a must.”

“How do we know he’s not trying to impose some foreign ideals on this country?”

“Why would he?”

“Because he’s foreign.”

“Sasuke has lived in America for a very long time, he’s not some spy sent here to brainwash me and make me president or something.”

“He’s going to try to make us communist.”

Naruto laughed, “I wasn’t aware the French were communist, Sasuke.”

“That’s because they’re not.” Sasuke replied.

“See, we can’t even understand what he’s saying!”

“Just as some people cannot write nor read cursive, some cannot hear nor speak cursive.” Naruto joked.

“I don’t feel comfortable with the idea of another foreigner in the White House.”

“I don’t understand where this hate is stemming from,” Naruto began, “because this country isn’t going to get anywhere when we hold onto beliefs such as this.

“Sure, I can help enact changes in the laws and encourage an improvement of society, but I cannot change society myself. That is a group effort, which includes people that aren’t originally from here. Hey, we’re not originally from here, either. It’s not beneficial to the wellbeing of society to continue to accuse people of crimes they haven’t done due to their origins, color of their skin, nor accents and the like.

“Society may not be able to fix itself while I’m in office – heck, I’m fairly certain it won’t – but I’d like to see to it that that ball gets rolling, and that there is a visible shift in how the people of this nation act towards one another.

“I’d like to see some of that change here and now, starting with you apologizing to my spouse for wrongly accusing him of something he’d never due based on the fact that he wasn’t born in America and still has an accent.”

The crowd grew quiet in the presence of Naruto’s serious demeanor. The demand for an apology hung in the air unanswered for many long moments.

“I’m not apologizing.”

Naruto looked the reporter straight in the eye.

“Then you’re not helping to enact the change.”

“Naruto, that was stupid.”

“I’m not about to let them judge you or talk about you like that.” Naruto grumbled.

“They’re going to say what they’re going to say – I told you they’d look at you as Mr. President with a foreigner at his side.” Sasuke walked briskly to keep up with Naruto’s larger stride.

“The fact that you saw this coming is overwhelmingly depressing – this country is absolutely fucked, and I’ll only be able to do so much.”

“But you will be able to do something, Naruto, and alienating even more of the voter pool isn’t going to help our cause.”

“He wouldn’t even fucking apologize.”

“He doesn’t have to, Naruto.”

“You’re a citizen and yet they still treat you like this. How are they going to treat non-citizens, huh?” Naruto turned towards him.

“You already know that.”

“But maybe I don’t want to.”

“Naruto,” Sasuke said softly, “this country is a broken and heavily fragmented one, it’s true, but you have a vision, and you have the determination to see to that vision.”

Naruto smiled slightly.

“Chin up, Mr. President.”

Naruto chuckled, “Aye, aye captain.”

Navigation:

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, You are Here!, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9

Read on AO3 Read on ff.net

#narusasu #fanfiction #Presidential election AU

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thestoryweneededtowrite · 7 years

Note

A javid fic that's sickeningly sweet and fluffly,

Weddings are super fluffy, right?

Shoutout to @timetogoslumming for letting me steal a couple of her ideas from when we discussed this fic

Davey went into the weekend hoping nothing could possibly gowrong. Not truly wrong, at least. Things could be left not packed and forgottenat home, mistakes could be made by the florist or the caterer, or their friendscould cause havoc at the little hotel they had chosen to get married in, butnothing was going to be able to ruin the weekend of his wedding.

Then the receptionist had taken one look at them, with thedifferent surnames on the check-in form, and smiled sweetly.

“You’ll be wanting a room with separate beds, I assume?” sheasked, bright and happy as anything.

Davey felt his stomach sink down to his toes. Eight yearstogether and they still got mistaken for friends or, worse, brothers. It alwaysmade a quick burst of shame bloom deep inside, but it had gotten easier andeasier to stamp out over the years. All he had to do now was grab Jack’s handand clear his throat.“I’d rather not spend my wedding night in a different bed to my husband, no,”he answered a little coldly, taking a step closer to his fiancé.

At the same time Jack just scowled and informed the womanthat ‘we’re gay’ in as few words aspossible. It was one of the few times he never bothered to make the point thathe was bi and in love with a man, and not actually gay.

Flustered, the woman was quick to apologise when sherealised that she’d just offended the grooms of the wedding they had booked forthe very next day. She was clearly embarrassed about it as she checked them inand showed them to their room but even though she was still saying sorry as sheleft them alone, Davey felt uncomfortable about it. He tried to appreciate the fancyroom with its beams and ornate arm chairs and huge comfortable bed, but he justsank down onto the ottoman at the foot of the bed. He couldn’t believe that,even on the day before his wedding, people couldn’t tell how happily in love hewas.

“Babe, are you okay?” Jack asked, getting concerned when hetook in Davey’s sad pout.

“Yeah,” Davey sighed. “Just…” He gestured over to the doorthe woman had left out of and Jack suddenly understood.

“Come here,” he mumbled, pulling Davey up and into a hug andhating that heteronormativity was still a thing.

Davey relaxed against Jack’s shoulder, enjoying the comfortand the closeness. He was going to marry an incredibly empathetic man who feltlike home and safe and a hundred other things he never thought he’d find, andthe reminder of it had him cheering up already.

“I’m honestly surprised she couldn’t tell we’re togetherbecause I’m so in love with you, David Jacobs, that it feels like I’moverflowing with it. I don’t know how she couldn’t tell just by looking at me,”Jack whispered, right beside Davey’s ear so the warmth of his breath hadpleasant shivers running down Davey’s back.

“Nerd,” Davey replied, starting to smile again. All he everneeded was Jack.

Jack pushed back on Davey’s shoulders gently until he gotthe message and fell back onto the bed, cushioning his fall with the elbows –although the plush duvet could probably have managed the job alone. Jackcrawled up over him and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. This was more likethe weekend he’d been hoping for.

“Your nerd,” he offered with a grin.“Yes.” Davey nodded, pulling Jack down for a much longer kiss.

They couldn’t spend the whole day making out, of course.Eventually they had to abandon their huge, comfortable bed and go and greet theguests arriving at the hotel for their wedding. It was better to not have thetemptation of privacy and a large bed, anyway. They’d agreed on no sex fromwhen they got to the hotel until their wedding night; it was less than 40 hoursbut Davey was already starting to regret it. Sex helped when he was feelingstressed and he was quickly realising there was nothing more stressful thanplanning a wedding. He was just grateful they’d shot down his mother’s idea ofspending the night before the wedding apart. She’d insisted it was traditionbut the idea of having to sleep somewhere that wasn’t right beside Jack on thenight before what was supposed to be the biggest day of his life sounded likehell to Davey, so it was one tradition he was happy to abandon. It wasn’t likethere was a bride to not see before the wedding.

All of their friends and the majority of their families hadmade it out for their big day, and Davey loved having everyone he cared aboutin one place. It was easy to forget he was anxious when he had so many peopleteasing him about becoming a married man and pointing out how sweet it was thathe was marrying his teenage sweetheart. If things ever started to feel a bitmuch then all he had to do was look for Jack and the smile he’d get would keephim going.

With all the people to greet and talk to and all the plansto finalise with the hotel, Davey didn’t much time to let his mind run. When hefinally lay down in bed that night with Jack his brain start whirring, flashingthrough event after event that could go wrong until he was fidgeting restlesslyand letting the stress take control.

“Regretting the no sex rule?” Jack asked, feeling the wavesof tension emanating out into the room.“Little bit,” Davey huffed. “How could you tell?”“You’re stressed,” Jack shrugged, rolling over so he could face his fiancé inthe dim light that filtered through the cracks in the window from the lightsoutside. “You don’t need to be, because everything’s going to be perfect, butyou’re worried anyway because you wouldn’t be the guy I loved if you weren’t.And when you’re stressed, I know exactlyhow to get you to stop overthinking everything,” he teased, rubbing Davey’scalf with his toe under the duvet.

“We said we wouldn’t,” Davey tried to reason, but his heartwasn’t really in the debate. He wanted Jack to make him feel so good that hedidn’t have enough brain cells to panic about forgetting vows or not trippingwhen he walked down the aisle, or someone actually responding and having areason they couldn’t be married.

“Mmmm,” Jack sighed, kissing Davey’s cheek. “Past Jack andPast Davey were idiots. Let’s not listen to them.”“Okay,” Davey agreed, rolling over to pin Jack to the pillow and press kissesdown his jaw.

“Maybe no hickeys,” Jack laughed. “You’ll never forgive me ifI have hickeys in our wedding photos, even if it was you who put them there.”

Davey rolled his eyes but Jack did have a point so he movedhis ministrations lower, kissing a trail down Jack’s chest until he got to hiships.

“Here okay?” he asked cheekily, grinning when Jack noddedwordlessly, his fist in his mouth to stop from moaning when Davey pushed downthe waistband of his boxers to work on leaving a hickey on his hip bone. Anyoneelse who ever saw their wedding photos would be none the wiser, but they’d bothalways know. And that, to Davey, sounded perfect.

***

Davey realised pretty quickly the next morning that they’dmade the right choice the night before. He was already stressed beyond belief,stopping for deep breaths or kisses from Jack every few minutes, even withhaving relieved some of the pressure that had been building up. Their weddingwasn’t officially until five in the afternoon and Sarah and Crutchie, asdesignated ‘best men’ were technically in charge of organising everything, butDavey still found time to fly around and micromanage and panic about everythinguntil Sarah marched him and Jack to their hotel room and told Jack to pleasekeep her brother sane and also make him get dressed because he couldn’t get marriedin Jack’s old sweatpants and a t-shirt that read ‘Atticus Finch, Attorney AtLaw’ that Les had gotten him several Christmases back. Jack had good-naturedlyargued that he thought Davey looked dapper already and he’d have married him inanything but he dragged Davey inside and handed him the garment bag with hissuit in with a kiss.

***

Most of the wedding was a blur. Davey remembered Esther andMayer walking him down the aisle and Jack following with Medda. He rememberedgrabbing Jack’s hand as soon as he was in touching distance, just so he hadsome way to ground himself. And he remembered hearing the words ‘you may nowkiss the groom’ and knowing that Jack was finally and officially and legallyhis husband.

“Sarah, I married him,” Davey whispered several minuteslater, unable to look away from where Jack was shaking Mayer’s hand with a grinand accepting a hug from Esther.“Okay, Jane Eyre,” she snorted, patting him on the back.

Her brother had been waiting for this day for years, sheknew that. She’d seen seventeen-year-old Davey’s scribbles of David Kelly and DJ in the margins of his notes. She still had the textmessages of very un-Davey keysmashes from a little under the year ago when Jackhad proposed. At the time she’d been vaguely concerned he was having some kindof stroke but eventually she managed to tease of the words ‘ring’ and ‘marry’from the mishmash of letters and work out what he was saying. This was Davey’shappily ever after and she was so happy that he’d gotten it.

When Jack came back over to free Davey from Medda’s hugs andcongratulations, he kissed his new husband’s cheek and then pressed another tothe back of his hand, rubbing his thumb across the ring on Davey’s finger.

“So, party?” he asked, grinning. “I think we have somethingto celebrate.”

***

Davey spent most of the reception not leaving Jack’s side. Endlesspeople seemed to want to talk to them, to congratulate them or give them tipson a long and happy marriage or make jokes about how it was a nice firstwedding and that was always good practice for the second (courtesy of one ofDavey’s slightly too drunk uncles). They both just smiled politely and bit backresponses that they knew this was forever and that they didn’t need advicebecause they were going to figure this whole thing out together and that wasall they needed.

Throughout the evening everyone seemed to get steadily tipsier.Davey didn’t drink and didn’t particularly like being around drunk people, soJack only had one or two glasses. He figured that, if he was buying alcohol fordozens and dozens of people, he deserved a little himself and Davey didn’t mindso long as he was still himself. After the toasts, though, Davey found himselffeeling a little left out with his glass of nonalcoholic bubbles and reachedover to steal a sip from Jack’s, pulling a face at the bitter taste and handingit back with a screwed-up nose, shaking his head.

“You know you don’t like it, so why try,” Jack laughed,kissing his husband gently because he was just too cute not to.

“I felt like I should,” Davey shrugged, leaning againstJack’s side as he put his arm around him.

Jack just laughed again and tickled playfully at Davey’sribs through his dress shirt.

“David Jacobs bowing to peer pressure? You shock me,” heteased.“Jacobs-Kelly,” Davey corrected with a smile, leaning in for another kiss.

Jack hummed happily; this was all he’d ever wanted. Meddawas his family and Crutchie was his family and he knew that adoption didn’tmean his mother and brother were any less to him than they would be if theywere related by blood, but there was something about this tradition, thisformality, of having a husband that he couldn’t get over.

“Are Spot and Race here together?” Davey asked, settlingback into his own chair and watching as their friends were having what lookedlike a very intense conversation at an otherwise empty table, everyone elsealready on the dance floor.

Race and Spot were the most dysfunctional couple Davey knewand he wasn’t sure how they’d managed to keep it up so long. They were stilltrying to convince people that there was not and had never been anythingbetween them and that they were just friends, but no one was stupid enough tobelieve it. Neither of them had formally dated anyone in four years, and theywere constantly sneaking around together. Still, if they wanted to continue tolie to their friends and themselves then Davey wasn’t going to stand in theirway.

“Officially? No,” Jack sighed. He’d given up on trying to talksense into Race when it came to Spot.

“And unofficially?” Davey pressed.

“What do you think?” Jack snorted, gesturing back over tothe couple where it looked like they were playing footsie under the table andsitting far closer than friends usually would. Alcohol was particularly good atbreaking down Race’s walls – he’d been caught making out with Spot by prettymuch every one of their friends at parties or previous weddings – and right nowhe was mumbling something in Spot’s ear that was obscene enough to make even theirstoic friend blush.

“I think Race is one vodka and Coke away from climbing intoSpot’s lap,” Davey laughed. “Are they sharing a room?”

“Officially, no,” Jack shook his head, but then he smirked. “Unofficially,they gave Race’s room to Les so he doesn’t have to sleep on a camp bed on thefloor of your parents’ room and Race is sleeping in Spot’s room.”

Usually most of Jack’s intel on Spot and Race’snot-quite-a-relationship came from Race himself, who had to talk to someoneabout how he felt so he didn’t explode, but this time it was Les who had beentoo excited about getting his own room to keep quiet.

“Are we talking about the idiotic lovebirds?” Les asked,coming over and slumping down into a chair beside Davey and putting a champagneglass onto the table in front of him.“Speak of the devil,” Jack groaned, but he offered Les a smile. They werebrothers now, after all, and he was fond of the teenage whirlwind that was LesJacobs.

“Les,” Davey began skeptically, “how many glasses ofchampagne have you had to drink?”

The one in front of him was half full and he seemed morethan a little tipsy. “Um…” Les giggled, looking at his fingers as if he was trying to add up.“The fact that you even need to count is not promising,” Davey growled. Hislittle brother was seventeen, he just wanted him to be sensible. Technically heshouldn’t have been drinking at all.“Definitely not four…” Les trailed off, clearly lying.

Jack stifled a laugh as Davey groaned and put his head inhis hands.

“Jesus Christ!” he complained.

“You’re Jewish,” Les pointed out, laughing. “And anyway, Meddagave me the first one!”

Davey narrowed his eyes. “And the others?”“I took from the table at the side…” Les laughed again.

There wasn’t a lot Davey could do about it, he knew that. Hislittle brother was old enough to make his own decisions and the hangover he wasgoing to have in the morning was probably going to teach him more of a lessonthan a lecture ever would.“Do not let Mom see you,” he warned, knowing that somehow he would find atleast part of the blame for it and he didn’t want stern words from Esther onthe day of his wedding.“I’m not an idiot,” Les snorted, picking up the glass and taking another gulp.

Rolling his eyes and leaning back against Jack’s shoulder,Davey just ignored Les’ bad life choices and tried to focus on how good it feltto know there was a weight of a wedding band on his finger. He didn’t even haveto look at it to know it was there.

***

Davey made it to ten in the evening before starting to flag.He’d danced with Jack and Sarah and his mum and watched as Spot and Raceslipped away and came back an hour later looking particularly pleased withthemselves, trying not to feel jealous that they managed to sneak away for somealone time when he was stuck talking to aunts and cousins and family friends.He smiled as Sarah and Katherine danced slowly together at the edge of thedance floor and watched in disbelief as his little brother tried, somewhat drunkenly,to flirt with one of the waiters. That was something they should probably talkabout – if Esther and Mayer had managed to raise three queer kids then he wasgoing to enter them for some kind of record – but it could wait until Les wassober and Davey wasn’t quite so tired. Hosting a wedding wasn’t easy.

He ended up sitting down in the chair next to Jack with a groan,giving it a second’s thought before he shuffled until was lying sideways on thechair, his head resting on Jack’s thighs as he looked up at his husband.

“You doing okay, love?” Jack laughed, brushing his fingersthrough Davey’s hair fondly.“There’s a lot of people…” Davey mumbled. “I know we invited them all and I dolove them it’s just there are so many of them and they all want to talk to usand they’re drunk and I… It’s a bit much,” he admitted quietly, Jack having tolean down to hear.“Want to get out of here?” Jack asked softly. They could always see theirfriends another day and right now he wanted Davey to be comfortable and happy.Preferably in their hotel bed.“Please,” Davey sighed, reaching up to link his fingers with Jack’s.“Say no more,” Jack promised.

He gently nudged Davey out of his lap and climbed to histired feet, holding out his hand for Davey to take.

They made it three steps before Medda’s sister wascongratulating them on their marriage and on such a lovely ceremony and sayinghow she still remembered a scared little Jack who had just been adopted and howhe had grown into a wonderful young man. It was all compliments but they’dheard them time after time all day and they were starting to lose their impact.Davey hated to be ungrateful, but he just wanted to be alone with his husbandafter entertaining for hours.

Five minutes of polite, if slightly strained, conversationlater, they finally managed to get away and make it several more metres acrossthe room before one of Davey’s cousins came over.

Jack loved Davey’s family, really he did. But right now, hewished Davey was estranged from them all. The entire room was full of obstacleswho wanted to prevent them from ever leaving and they needed some sort ofescape plan. Looking around, he caught Race’s eye and sent a silent help us across the room. Responding witha nod, Race grabbed Spot’s arm and pulled him over to play bodyguards. Theymanaged to successfully escort Jack and Davey to the door, fending off anyonewho looked like they wanted to start a lengthy conversation, and wave them offinto the night.

They rounded the corner to head towards the trail that wouldlead back to the annex their hotel room was in, and Davey almost tripped overLes where he was sat with his back against the wall. Before Davey couldquestion exactly why he wasn’t back inside with everyone else, Les looked upand smirked when he realised where they were going.

“Have fun, big bro!” he teased, raising an eyebrow.

“Shut up, Les,” Davey groaned. He didn’t want to hear thatfrom his baby brother.

Jack just grinned and wrapped his arms around Davey’s waist,kissing him on the cheek and looking down at Les over Davey’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry, he will,” he laughed, earning himself ahalf-hearted elbow to the ribs.“Shut up, Jack!” Davey yelped, turning red. This wasn’t a conversation hewanted to have in present company.

He made the decision to usher Jack away and leave Les to hisown devices. His brother wasn’t his problem tonight and he was going to leaveit to someone else to talk to Les about why he was sitting outside and why hewas flirting with male waiters and where he’d gone a couple of hours earlierand why he felt the need to drown whatever he was feeling in alcohol, but forthe next two weeks he couldn’t – and didn’t want to - deal with anything butJack. His honeymoon was a break from being the Mom Friend, although he did makea mental note to get Sarah to talk to their little brother.

Les didn’t seem too downhearted as Davey walked away, andthat was a good enough sign that he didn’t need his brother right now, so Daveytook Jack’s hand and tugged him down the trail and aware from the weddingreception.

“Jack, please don’t talk about having sex with me to mylittle brother,” he hissed as soon as they were out of earshot.

“Who mentioned sex?” Jack teased, laughing. “I didn’tmention sex. I was talking about card games. We’re going to be playing athrilling round of Gin.”

Davey wrinkled his nose and shook his head. There wasn’tanything he could imagine to be worse.

“I really don’t want to play Gin on my wedding night,” heargued. Whenever he’d envisaged his wedding night there hadn’t been any cardgames in sight – just him and Jack and a night of heat and intimacy and touch.

“Well it doesn’t have to be Gin. How about Snap?” Jack saidplayfully, pulling Davey to a stop so he could look at his eyes and brush hisknuckles down the line of his jaw to make him shiver.

“Jack!” Davey whined, pouting.

“Go Fish? Poker?” Jack suggested, running his thumb across Davey’slips to smooth away the pout.“No!” Davey protested, the word a little muffled under Jack’s finger.

Jack took a step closer and straightened out Davey’s suitlapels, loving that his closeness still made Davey’s heart skip.

“Strip Poker?” he breathed,low and suggestive.

Davey shivered. “…Better.”

Anything that involved Jack in very few amounts of clothingsounded like a wonderful idea.

“Ah, so you want me out of my clothes,” Jack smirked. “I canrelate. But first, let me sketch you?”

Davey paused – that wasn’t quite what he expected. He lovedit when Jack drew him, being looked at like that made him feel valued andloved, but that could happen any time. Right now he wanted Jack to take himapart, not construct a new version of him on paper.

“You want to draw me like one of your French girls?” heasked, raising an eyebrow.

Jack just shook his head.

“I want to draw the first picture of my husband,” he replied,deadly serious.

“Jack, there are going to be hundreds of photographs,” Daveytried to reason. They’d had official photos taken and everyone had had theirphones out snapping pictures all day. He was planning to collect the best onesfrom everyone and format some kind of collage or photo book – this day wasdefinitely something he wanted to remember.

“It’s not the same,” Jack explained. “I need to draw you. Ineed to remember exactly how I see you right now, forever.”

The words sunk deep into Davey’s bone and he was speechlessfor a long moment.“Oh,” he managed, fighting back happy tears. “Yeah. Okay you can draw yourhusband for the first time, but then I get to sleep with my husband for thefirst time, yes? Because this is our wedding night, Jack, in case you’dforgotten,” he said, forcing a laugh through the wave of emotions crashing overhim.

“I could never forget,” Jack promised, pulling Davey in fora quick, deep kiss that he felt all the way down to his toes and leading himback to their room.

***

Davey sat impatiently on the bed, his jacket and tiediscarded and his top few buttons undone. Jack had kissed him and ruffled uphis clothes and his hair and his sanity, and then stepped away and left him turnedon and pouty. But Jack had wanted to draw him and he was planning on being asupportive husband so he let him collect a sketchbook and stick of charcoal andstart to draw.

He was used to sitting for hours for a detailed drawing sowhen Jack put the book aside after only twenty minutes, Davey was convinced itwas too good to be true.

“Done already?” he asked hopefully, reaching out to pullJack closer to him when he left the armchair and joined him on the bed.“The sketching is done, I can finish it tomorrow. I just didn’t like being sofar away,” Jack hummed. It had only been a couple of metres of distance buttonight that just felt like too much.

Davey wasn’t about to complain. He tugged Jack to him andkissed him enthusiastically, letting his hands undo Jack’s tie and shirtbuttons before pausing and pulling away just a little.

“Does it creep you out that people know you’re having sexright now?” he asked. It had been bothering him since Les had spoken to them asthey’d been leaving. Their absence would probably be quickly noticed at theirown wedding and people were going to jump to the obvious, and correct,conclusion. It felt weirdly voyeuristic and he wasn’t exactly comfortable withit.

Jack just sighed.“I’m not having sex right now,” he pointed out, gesturing down to theirpractically fully dressed states. He very much wanted to be having sex but thatwas going to take far longer to happen if Davey was going to interrupt them.“You know what I mean. Everyone knows we’re in bed together,” Davey complained.

“Yes,” Jack laughed, “I believe both the Queen of Englandand the Pope are currently being informed.”Davey scowled and hit him with a pillow, flopping back to lie on the bed andexamine the ceiling until his husband decided to cooperate in the conversation.Jack lay down beside him and pressed a kiss to his cheek with a grin.“Come on, babe, it’s not like everyone thought we were celibate until now.Neither of us has exactly been saving himself for marriage,” he pointed out. They’dbeen sleeping together since their fourth date, and neither had been the other’sfirst time. This wasn’t some ceremonial event.

“My parents don’t know that,” Davey shrugged. He didn’treally talk about his sex life to anyone besides Jack, except when Sarahdragged some details out of him, and especially not to his parents.“Give Esther and Mayer some credit, love,” Jack snorted. “They probably knewyou weren’t a virgin anymore the moment you walked in the door after your firsttime.”

Davey wasn’t good with secrets, especially not when they relatedto emotions. If he’d been anything like the Davey who Jack knew now then itwould have been all flushed cheeks and uncontrollable smiles. Any adult withhalf a brain would have known he’d had sex.“They’ve probably never given it much thought before,” Davey grumbled, but evenas he pouted his fingers went to Jack’s chest, toying with the buttons on thehalf open shirt.“And they’re not giving it much thought now, I guarantee,” Jack laughed,catching Davey’s hand and twining their fingers together. “Everyone has had toomuch to drink to worry about what I’m doing to you in bed.” His voice droppedoff at the end of the sentence, low and tempting. Suddenly Davey didn’t care somuch about who else was thinking what, so long as Jack’s train of thought continued.“What about what I do to you?” he asked slyly, finally finishing off with Jack’sbuttons.

Jack grinned, crawling up over his husband as Davey pushedhis shirt off his shoulders.“Well I was hoping you’d reciprocate,” Jack smirked. As much fun as it was to spendall his energy on driving Davey completely insane, tonight was going to befair.

“Always,” Davey promised. Marriage was about mutualconcessions and compromises, after all.

#Newsies #newsies fanfiction #javid #Jack Kelly #davey jacobs #Jack/David #prompt #anonymous #this is a long one

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cullinankatsudon · 7 years

Text

Let’s get super damn real about representation/education and coded protection

So this is a series of asks I just got, which is actually one ask, which I can’t answer publicly without only answering one, so I just screenshot the whole mess and now I’m “answering” by using this as a jumping off point and going from here. And when I say GOING I mean fucking going, because JFC do I have some goddamned thoughts. There is so much to unpack here, both the stuff said and the stuff which is unsaid, which the asker may or may not have been thinking, but I know other people are so I’m just going to say it and everyone can either listen or leave. I don’t really care. The title of the blog is Just Here For The Ships and it is true. Please skip this and go back to the pics of Victuuri being awesome if you like.

I am not 24. I am 44. I am the author to over 25 published novels of LGBTQIA romance, many of which have won awards and have been translated into...I’ve lost count of the languages. Like, five? Lots. I’m not Big Shit but I’m not some peon who doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I write about sex, though, and sensuality. I have written an asexual romance, and BDSM romances, and moderately sexual romances, and a romance with an autistic hero, several with heroes with anxiety/depression, May/December relationships, and a great number of new adult novels, which is basically the next step away from young adult, and often features 18yos so basically I write, often, teenagers having sex. And as I have said, I am 44, so I guess from the perspective of a 24 year old I am an ancient old creaky person perving like fuck. But we will cover this more in a moment.

I am also by identification a queer woman. No one has any right to that information whatsoever, it is none of your business. But I am public about it and I volunteer it for a specific reason which I will also underline later in this conversation. Now to the answer to the ask.

The incredibly short answer to this ask is, if you don’t like what other people are doing, don’t look at it. Don’t read their shit, don’t read their blogs, don’t engage. I keep quoting @fencer-x in this discussion because her opinions and mine align, and I respect her way of dealing with frustrating topics: she blocks people when she knows their views and hers clash and interactions with them will only make her angry/frustrated. My god, what an adult reaction. She doesn’t chase people down and harass them (not adult). She simply says, “This will make me ranty. I’m going to end this before it can start and go on with my happy ways.” Incredibly proactive because she has high-volume interaction on Tumblr.

But this ask isn’t a harassment, it’s an honest ask: why would an adult want to read about two teenagers having sex. I find it a frustrating ask, but I’ll honor it because I’m in a waiting-for-email loop and anyway, I’ve been seeing this go by my feed for months, Fencer keeps hammering at it and why should she have to keep saying the same thing? I’ll take an axe swing for the team. Just be ready because I am here with some fucking receipts.

Answer A: Assuming that adults people are reading about teenagers having sex because they are getting off is incredibly juvenile and reveals shallowness of comprehension of literature in general.

I don’t have hard sales on YA romance in front of me, but I’m a member of Romance Writers of America and could probably get it pretty quickly with a few emails; what I do know is that YA romance is doing fine, more than, and it’s not being read by only teens and whatever magical cut off is considered not-gross in legal adulthood. I don’t have any comprehension over what moment that is, when an adult human becomes old enough and now reading about teenagers is gross--is it simply always someone younger? Am I not allowed to read about thirty-year-olds fucking?--but whatever this is, I don’t care, because I don’t subscribe to it, largely because I know that readers of romance in general but especially young adult romance are rarely reading for sex alone. There are some people, yes. There’s nothing wrong with those choices, but they’re rare in any event, and we’re not talking about them yet.

My new adult novels, however, while they are read by some college age people and some high school students, are largely read by adults, many of them my age or older. For the queer identifying reader especially, the books featuring young protagonists starting out in life often move them to write me passionate letters which in turn make me cry. But the heterosexual readers will often feel just as strongly.

Why? Because it will possibly surprise (or depress?) a number of twenty somethings to discover that when people hit their thirties or especially forties/fifties, they look back at their twenties/youth and feel nostalgia, regret, and sadness over possibilities lost, time slipped away, and in the case of many women and queer youth, opportunities never granted. For many bi/pan people in particular of my generation, we quietly slipped into a heteronormative path because it seemed like the only choice, and while we may have made happy marriages, there are parts of our selves which never got to see the light of day, and that hurts. These books, these explorations, are ways to have those moments.

Writing fiction is an even more empowering way to explore those same themes--and not everyone wants the hell of chasing down a publishing career, so fan fiction is a nice alternative.

Perhaps you’re about to say, “But Heidi, those straight women are FETISHIZING!!!!!!!!” Oh, sure, maybe some are? I don’t know. I imagine you’d like to point them out to me? I suspect you have a list prepared. I bet you know who alllll those bitches are, eh?

Let me tell you a story.

In the publishing world, people do the same thing. Readers and published authors alike loooove to play that game, imagining who is entitled to do what, and every so often someone decides to go on a witch hunt. Now sometimes there are truly people who have been deceiving others and the betrayals are horrible to see unfold, and they always break the community. And then sometimes--several times in my tenure--I have watched people go after “straight” women who have “dared” to step wrongly in queer romance...and all the while I have known that these women are in fact not straight, but rather are simply not out. I have done what I can to help, but there isn’t much to do, except that I keep a list--a real list--of the people carrying torches and I do not engage, do not highlight, do not give oxygen in any form, ever. So be very careful when you make your judgments of shippers FETISHIZING!!!!!!!! because you might be completely wrong, even if the bio on that person’s blog says they’re straight. If you don’t like what someone is doing, you should probably take Fencer’s approach and simply block them.

One of the reasons I am out--though only one--is because it is more uncomfortable for me to think about being jumped by assholes from my own team wanting to accuse me of appropriation than it is being accosted by an antigay bigot. I would like you to think about that for a long time before you ever approach someone about being allegedly straight.

But even the straight shippers have plenty of agency to enjoy writing about teenagers having a relationship which may include sex. That brings us to the next answer, though.

Answer B: women have a lot of unpacking to do in this damn world about sex, and in nearly every culture they are saying, over and over, romance between male same sex pairings helps them do this work. Including young pairings.

This answer comes with a ton of controversy and has taken me eight years of being published to come up with, and my way of speaking to it is ever evolving. While it is true that I have many gay male readers and nonbinary readers for my books which are largely about gay males falling in love, I also have many female readers of all orientation, though a large chunk of those are straight. This phenomenon has been the butt of jokes and point of ire depending on who is writing the article or asking me questions over my years as an author.

This is a whole other essay, gnarly and deep, but the main gist is that women’s sexuality is so fraught and politicized that many women--worldwide, across cultures--feel more comfortable exploring issues about sexuality when the pairing is between two men than a woman and a man or two women. Now: personally, I want us to move beyond this and evolve, to move to two women as well as two men, to add in some heterosexual pairings but have the man be different as part of a trope--but we aren’t there yet, clearly, for so many reasons. I think it’s important we keep pushing and trying, but it’s going to have to evolve there, not be shamed there or rammed there.

We have a patriarchal culture; it’s no surprise that to undo this women pit two men against one another and attempt to undo the power structure by domesticating it, by rewriting it (literally), by remixing it on their own terms. Now--speaking as a queer woman, I do think we must, especially when writing gay men, be respectful and be aware we are writing about a marginalized group. However, this is a marginalized group writing about a marginalized group--women/gay men--and especially if the pairing is about white men, it’s an even power match. Gay white men in fact can seize more power than white women, if they want it--they must deny their orientation, but the choice is there.

It’s true that women writing about gay men can and have been sloppy, that descent into rape fantasy and feminization harm the relationship between gay men and women of any orientation. It’s also true that there are gay men quietly reading those same tropes the same way women in the 70s and 80s read rape fantasy and rescue fantasy in romance as part of their own evolution to claiming power (and yes, that is a thing).

But wait, Heidi, you say, what the hell does this have to do with teenagers having sex?

Plenty.

Because we’re talking specifically about Otayuri, yes? Yurio having sex with Otabek, who is not an adult, but is for some reason to some people, and we’re talking about adults reading about this. They are a gay pairing. And unlike Victuuri, they are not canon, not yet, maybe not ever, and this is very important right now, because there is more power in a non canon ship when you are writing them yourself, because you are creating the link. When you write Victuuri you’re celebrating a couple the creators literally put rings on. When you write Sterek or Sheith or anyone else who is not in their actual fictional show a couple, and when you are taking straight men and queering them up in a pairing, you are claiming power. I don’t care what your orientation is. You are taking a big dildo and aiming at the patriarchal system of the world through fiction and you are saying, “I am going to fuck with this, literally.”

To do that with young men is another statement on top of that. I don’t know, do people bitch about Sterek? Are there people freaking out about TEEN WOLF, TEEN Sterek and the older guy, the mentor, the adult graduate jailbaiter who gets shipped with him? I don’t have a problem with it at all, but if you want to go legally by the show, those are the terms. Why do people do it? Because there’s something in that power play that speaks to them. Something specific about Styles, who appears weak and young and vulnerable, and Derek, who is older and powerful but has a vulnerable side.

Derek is the patriarchy, and Styles is how you bring him down. It’s more complicated than that, nobody thinks like that, but if you want to get deep as fuck with it, and I do, that’s what’s happening, and why it’s important. Styles is a kid, technically. As an actor I get that he’s an adult. Maybe that’s why there’s no freak out?

Okay let’s go to Sheith. Shiro is 24 and Keith is 18. Legit no legal issues here, plus they’re in space and in the future, but still youth is on board, and we have an age difference. Age differences are powerful. May/December is a thing and they’re heady in gay romance. Boy do people love the idea of a younger man bringing an older man to heel through love. This is not May/December, 24/18, but that age gap is enough to make people feel the pull, and the power dynamic is another. Shiro is the leader. Patriarchy. Keith is the feisty underling. You want to know why that ship is hot? That right there. Staid patriarchy needing feisty youngling to fuck it from underneath and get it to unlace.

You want to know why gay romance is so alluring, why people love gay ships, especially with straight characters? Because we are so goddamned desperate to change our culture and it won’t change and we don’t know how to do it and we feel like we have no power, and materially we don’t have a ton, but what we do have are these stories and a few hours a night to read or write subversive literature.

So I did everyone but Yurio. Let’s talk about Yuri P. Yurio is fifteen, a baby, a precious baby. He is not a baby. He tells you over and over he is an ice tiger. He got an upgrade in the BD where he explained how he wanted to dress himself and do his own music and he got his friend boyfriend to help him get dressed and pick a song and choreograph a new skate overnight, and then when he saw Victuuri was going to one-up him he came up with something to top them on the fly and it was hot and sexual and not at all contrived. The boy bled sex all over the ice, and if he had skated that routine up against Eros and Chris’s ass grab he would have won the competition. The boy is not a boy, he’s a young man and he is aware of his sexuality. He gets to play with it and claim it.

And people get to play with it too. It is a real thing, it is there, and it is ripe for the exploration. It is valid and on the table. Which brings us to the last answer (except there are about fifty more, I’m just only going to give one more because this is long as fuck and I have a family and I”m getting bored of this)

Answer C: Sex is fabulous and it is okay to like sex (and okay to not like sex)

Okay at the moment I am answering this in the theoretical, as a hysterectomy and PTSD over a past trauma regarding sex and way too much work-related stress have made the actual having of sex not something I’m interested in personally, but theoretically I find sex to be a wonderful, beautiful thing, and I’m currently going to therapy once a week to get my shit straight so that someday I can have it again because I do like it a lot and I believe in the power and beauty of sex and everyone’s right to have it and enjoy it (or not) in whatever way that pleases them so long as it is safe, sane, and consensual. I’ve written books that open with a blow job (true story) and books that are described as about “fisting cowboys full of feels” and also books with nothing more than two kisses and make out sessions holding hands and books where the sex is awkward and books where the sex mostly fades to black and everything in between.

This includes sex by and for teens, because they have it. It’s okay for them to have it and it’s okay for me to read about it (and watch shows where they have it) and find it hot if it is because there is not an age limit where this happens. It’s an amazing thing, but I read books and find things hot or funny or sexy or scary or happy or sad and I don’t feel they are happening to me personally. I don’t feel that I am now that person. I don’t think that I am entitled to that character’s life, and I don’t mistake that I am suddenly that age.

Nobody, by the way, would ever say this of someone about a horror novel for teens, or anything else for teens, and amazingly, nobody would ever and has ever said this about men reading fucking Lolita, a “literature” book about a goddamned girl and the pedophile who ogled her. Well, women. But people usually tell them to shut up because literature. Nobody says this to Woody Allen or the other men who have done all kinds of nasty shit. We are talking here, in a coded way, about “older” women reading about young men having sex. Because that’s a dirty act.

It is not. I am not old. I am older, yes, and so much wiser, and I can argue like this all damn day.

But I might not do it every day because I also have a lot of work to do. Really, to sum it up: if you don’t like it, don’t look at it. Absolutely nobody on here is the morality police and nobody is entitled to protect anyone. The odds are really good you’re fucking up and hurting a lot of people if you try.

Just be here for the ships. Your ships. And everything will be fine.

#asks that are too long to actually answer #otayuri #shipping

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panickedpansexualprincess · 7 years

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I don't dislike Tilde per se. I liked her a lot in TSS. She was strong and took ownership of her sexuality. But in TGC I think she was unneeded and unbelievable. She turned Eggsy into a prince/kept boy, forced him out of a career he loved, was a drug user, and manipulated him to propose/marry her. Not the signs of a good person or a healthy relationship. Still I'd never post hate for her in any of the tags. I just wish everyone would tag for her and her relationships so blacklist can catch it.

I appreciate that you don’t intend to post any hate for Tilde. I can also see why you might feel the way you do about her. I don’t think it’s near that cut and dry, though, to be perfectly honest. And, since you messaged me about it, I assume that you’re open to talking about it all, so I’ll be frank.

Although, haha, before I start the frank part, I’ll say that while I don’t tag individual characters, that’s not part of my tagging system, I do tag my Kingsman ships, so I can rec that if you want to block them, you might want to block ‘Royal Eggs,’ ‘Royal Hartwin,’ ‘Royal Merwin,’ and ‘Royal Merhartwin.’ Those are the ship names I’m using and the ones I’ve seen others use.

Okay. The frank, thoughtful bits now.

I was mildly unsure about Tilde on my first watch through. Mostly because yeah, okay, the most likely reason they wrote her in was to give Eggsy a heterosexual relationship, in an attempt to try and avoid slash ships. Which, is kind of funny, because good lord the Hartwin overtones are insane in TGC, far more so than I ever picked up from TSS. It’s like, they wrote Eggsy into a het relationship, and then ramped up the gay to about five thousand. And I’m saying that as someone who doesn’t ship Hartwin as my main ship, cause my main ship is Merwin, but lord in heaven was the Hartwin strong in this movie. So, uh. Guys, guys, mixed signals here. XD

(Which is why I just figure he’s bi. Or pan. Or somewhere around there in the inbetween. XD)

That said, I didn’t stay unsure for long. Mostly because, well, A. the idiots already fridged one of our strong ladies because wtf (and she’s not dead, dammit, I refuse), so I am going to happily embrace Tilde for the wonderful lady she is- and she is a strong woman in her own right, as we know from TSS. B. I was insanely happy that if they were going to pair Eggsy off with a lady, at least it wasn’t Roxy, because good lord no please no. By which I mean, with no disrespect towards people who ship Roxy/Eggsy, they are my NOTP/BROTP, and I just. No. Let Roxy and Eggsy have their broship, pls. C. I was actually really happy to see her back as more than just a sex joke. Which I know a lot of people tried to reduce her to one in TSS, and just. No. D. Poly ships. I love me some poly ships, because I wholeheartedly believe the human heart can love more than one person, so yeah, okay Eggsy loves Tilde. Got it. Doesn’t mean he can’t still love Harry, or Merlin, or anyone else. Embrace the poly ships! I do!

So. My doubts were soothed, and I dived happily into accepting Tilde and her relationship with Eggsy. Which brings me to your concerns.

I’m going to hit the ‘drug user’ bit first. Which is a big issue, and a sticky one. Now I say this as someone who, until this year, had never touched any drugs ever. Which, I broke my record this year, once, because it’s one possible treatment for some of my health issues, and when I tried it, I just went. Eh, this does nothing, whatever, I’m good, thanks anyway. So I have no connection to drugs, or affinity for them. But I’m a firm believer in the freedom of choice, especially when it comes to a person’s own body, and one of my beliefs is that the government really needs to butt out of trying to control what people do with their own bodies. Which means I’m actually pro legalization of drugs. Which was really kind of odd/funny, because I agreed with some of the things Poppy said in the movie. Which sounds a lot worse than I mean, haha.

It’s. Kind of a point, in the movie. Poppy is, of course, a psychopath and completely in the wrong with everything she was doing, but. She wasn’t wrong about some of the things she said. Like, the commentary she makes to Charlie, re: sugar vs cocaine. It’s also kind of a big thing if you look at Fox: she argues with Not!Trump about how not all drug users are the bad criminal types people stereotypically associate with drugs. Fox makes the rather poignant point that she uses whatever it is she uses to help her get through life, because frankly, working for Not!Trump is a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Champ makes the point too, and Ginger, when they talk about Tequila; he’s a good man, a good Statesman, he just has a bit of a wild side. Additionally, if you read the book, it very poignantly hits on the people who use drugs medicinally, to deal with things like cancer and mental health issues, but who are affected by the Blue Rash because of where they got their medicine from. And let me tell you, that was a point that hit kind of hard in my house, because none of us are neurotypical, and if our doctor prescribed it to use, marijuana could actually be a medicine for some of us. And we are, ironically, in Kentucky, not even two hours away from Louisville where the Statesman are based, and bills to legalize medicinal marijuana have been proposed here as recently as January of this year.

So what I mean by that long ass paragraph is. Being a drug user isn’t necessarily a bad thing. And that’s a point that is specifically raised in the narrative in the movie. Because yeah, Poppy is fucking batshit crazy, but her end goal of legalizing drugs? Isn’t batshit crazy. Which is why Not!Trump and Whiskey end up firmly in the Bad Guy camp, because they’re willing to condemn billions of people to death for something that’s not necessarily bad.

So does Tilde use drugs in TGC? Yes, of course, she gets the blue rash. We see her light up. Am I going to condemn her for that? No. She smokes something in a moment when she is under extreme stress and upset. That’s her choice, for her body. And that single use isn’t enough to show us if she uses it irresponsibly, or if she’s out of control with it. I’d actually assume that if she was out of control in her drug usage, Eggsy wouldn’t be with her. As he points out, he grew up in a place where drugs destroyed lives; I highly doubt he would be with someone who was destroying their life with drugs. I’ll also point out that he doesn’t actually seem concerned with her usage. He’s scared as hell that she has the disease, but he never condemns her usage or seems against it.

Alright. So the manipulating him into proposing bit. Hoo boy. I understand where you’re coming from. It was a thought I had in the theatre myself, while watching the first time. However, after a lot of thought, I don’t think that’s what’s going on here.

I’ll say flat out; I think that bit is a bit of shoddy writing. I think it was unnecessary, and that it should have logically been something Eggsy and Tilde would have already discussed, considering that honeypots are something they were trained on during training. They were told to get to know Lady Sophie biblically, remember? Which, yeah, turned out to be a ruse for the train test, but it was definitely something they were trained for.

But, the fact that I think it’s shoddy writing aside; it has been pointed out to me, when I was pondering it, that it could very likely be something they hadn’t discussed yet because their relationship, while almost a year along in TGC, had kind of a jump start with both of them suffering from. Issues. You know, being held captive, having just lost his mentor, and they kind of jumped into it headlong, and probably missed some big discussions that they should have had, but didn’t. So we’re looking at this as;

Tilde doesn’t know that honeypots are a thing Eggsy might be expected to do. Clearly, they haven’t talked about it. All she knows is that, this man that she loves, who clearly loves her, is suddenly telling her that he needs to sleep with another woman. And that’s a Big Thing to have suddenly thrown on your plate, especially when it’s a situation of “I need an answer right this moment, fate of the world depends on it.” So it’s pretty damn understandable that Tilde is thrown for a huge loop by it all. She’s shocked, surprised, and definitely feeling hurt. And here’s Eggsy, telling her he wants to spend the rest of his life with her- which in any other situation could easily be a proposal. And, in the confused, hurried, disarray of emotions she’s dealing with- she’s not pressuring him to propose, I think it’s pretty clear that she thinks that might actually be what’s happening.

So here you’ve got both of them super stressed and freaked out and confused. Eggsy’s stressed as fuck about it, doesn’t want to have sex with Clara, but is asking anyway, cause the world is kind of at stake, and he kind of accidentally almost proposes. Tilde is stressed as fuck, and hurt by this sudden request, and confused, and she thinks he might have just proposed, but she’s not sure, because wtf, and. And then Eggsy’s backpedaling, because shit, shit, shit, public figure, and fuck. (And, one of the things that I liked in the book, is that you get more of Tilde’s POV here, because she’s struggled with being the Crown Princess all her life, and now it feels like Eggsy is rejecting her because of her being the Crown Princess.) Confusion and hurt abounds on both sides of that conversation. And if you pay attention.

Eggsy says they need to sit down and Talk about this. Later. Tilde is upset, but gives a (somewhat understandably bitter) okay, and walks away for the moment. And it’s pretty clear that they’ve both made mistakes here. And that they both greatly care for each other, because otherwise they wouldn’t be that hurt.

And. Yeah. It’s this whole huge convoluted ball of fucked up emotions and mistakes and they should have talked about this already, but because writing, they hadn’t, so it all comes out fucked up and misunderstood. But I don’t see any of it as Tilde forcing Eggsy to propose. She’s thinks he has, and then surprise, no, not really, and where do they go from a misunderstanding like that?

Which leads into Tilde forcing him to be a prince/kept boy, and forcing him out of a career he loves. And. I’mma say one thing here, first off, because. Kingsman.

There ain’t no way, ‘prince’ or not, that Eggsy’s going to stop being a Kingsman. That’s definitely not the way things work in the Kingsman world. And I think Vaughn is smart enough to know we would freaking riot if he even tried that. XD I mean. We talked Harry back to life from a headshot, we can talk Eggsy into still being a spy even while being a prince, haha.

That out of the way- Tilde in no way forces Eggsy to become a prince, or a ‘kept boy.’ Let’s give Eggsy more credit than that. If he didn’t want to marry Tilde, if he didn’t want to be with her, he wouldn’t. Eggsy very clearly loves her, tells her flat out that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. And yeah, okay, becoming the future queen’s consort is probably going to cause some issues with Kingsman- but he makes that choice. Saying that Tilde forces him into it just… makes me think of the people who tried to say that Eggsy forced her to have sex with him at the end of TSS. Which, frankly, is ludicrous. At the end of TSS, Tilde is clearly very happy to propose sex with him. And at the end of TGC, Eggsy is clearly very happy to be marrying Tilde.

And that. Was a lot of tl;dr, haha. Hopefully tl;dr that makes sense, and isn’t too rambly. But. I have a hella lot of feels about this, and have put a lot of thought into it. I really love Tilde, and I have come to love her relationship with Eggsy. (And I love my poly ships that include her.) And I really would love to see more of fandom embrace her and it, but that’s of course going to be up to individual preferences. It might be some people’s NOTP, and that’s alright. I have my own NOTPs in this fandom. And you know what? I co-exist with them. I block tags and posts if I need to, and I just try not to comment on them, because live and let live. This fandom is such an open and welcoming one, and I hope it stays that way.

#Kingsman #Kingsman: The Golden Circle #Royal Eggs #Royal Hartwin #Royal Merwin #Royal Merhartwin #spoilers #Anonymous

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