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brianc521 · 5 years

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For the Love of Books

13k+ words of CEO/Bookworm

It’s been a rough week. A long, dark, rough week. With not being able to afford the electric bill, all that was left for you to do was shut down for the week. If you can’t read in the dark, then how were you supposed to buy books in the dark?

While it wasn’t making you money you also weren’t losing any either, that was the double edged sword you were fighting with. You hated it, as the owner of the families bookstore, being closed for a week was not what you wanted. Especially since you were the first family member who has had to do so.

Your Pa left the store to you when he passed away four years ago. It was his Mama’s before him, she left it to him much the same as he left it to you. It was a shock to the family when The Will read out that it was yours, and yours solely until the day you decided to bring in someone else.

It created a pretty big rift in the family, your Mom and Aunt believing that it should have been theirs, but to be honest, you weren’t shocked. It had been a discussion your Pa had with you before he made the decision. He wanted to make sure that you actually wanted the store, and that you could handle the backlash of you receiving it.

Cornered Pages was only your entire childhood. While you’re Mom claimed she loved the store, you would live there if you could. With a single Mom, working at a diner during the day and the local bar at night, left you to growing up with your Pa since he watched you while your Mom worked. He raised you off chapters and new arrivals. Your weekends were book signings and cutting bookmarks.

So having to close for a week was not only disappointing to yourself and your Pa’s legend, it also automatically made you the families disappointment because you couldn’t keep the doors open.

“I want to seriously talk about it,” Shawn shrugs as he sits across from you at the dining room table.

Shawn Mendes, 21 year old multimillionaire of his very own Mendes Printing. Also sort of known as your boyfriend of 2 years.

**flashback**

You were freaking out, literally pacing the bathroom as you whispered yelled at Lauren.

Lauren had been dating Connor since high school, but since he started his new job he had started hanging out with some new people. One of his closest friends was Shawn, and when Lauren met Shawn she set you two up almost immediately.

But now, here you are, dressed in your khaki work shorts, a cute purple tank top and your tan sandals. His schedule was so tight for making a date that you literally had to leave straight from work to the restaurant. You felt about 1000 times under dressed when Shawn picked you up in slacks and a light blue button up shirt.

“Lauren you could have warned a gal that you were setting her up with a fucking multimillionaire.” You hissed, neck vein popping in your frustration.

“I didn’t know! I swear to you, when I met him he was in a Harry Potter shirt and was bragging to Connor about how he’d been able to watch the whole series in a weekend. He was speaking in Potter quotes and all I could see was you and him getting married. I didn’t fucking know!”

“I literally look so stupid right now. He’s in fucking slacks and has cuff links? While I’m in khakis and my hairs in a cute but messy bun. The valet alone was more than I would ever be able to afford for dinner.”

“Oh god.” She groaned.

“I fucking said ‘Literally Pizza Hut would’ve impressed me,’ and he snorted.”

“Snorted?”

“Laughed at me, found me amusing, literally a lowlife compared to him.”

“What did he do to become a multimillionaire?”

“He started his own printing company when he was 18 years old. Graduated high school and started working the next day. He’s the big office building on the corner of Main and Baseline.”

“Oh shit,” She gasps. “So he’s rich rich. Homegirl lock him up.”

“Um no, it’s time to run.”

“Don’t overthink it, he’s a sweetheart I swear. He was really interested when I talked to him.”

“I have to go, he’s gonna think I died or something.”

“You’re so dramat-” You hang up on her and start to rush out the door so you can escape this nightmare you’re living.

This man was literally so far out of your league that you thought these leagues were only in the movies. He will want nothing to do with you, ever.

You whip the door open, taking a deep breath and look up to rush out but stop short when Shawn stands up from his relaxed position against the wall.

“Um,” You gape.

“Okay,” He clears his throat. “I did this wrong,” He cringes. “I was really trying to impress you. I haven’t been on a date since I was in high school. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I was just really trying to impress you and I realize I went a little too far. How bad would it be if I asked if we could start over? My place? We can order pizza and talk and be well, normal?”

You giggled, because he couldn’t stop fidgeting his hands, and glancing at you and then back at his shoes. He was so nervous, and you could see it in his features that he was scared he scared you off.

“Shawn? Just because Lauren set us up doesn’t mean we have to do this. If you don’t want to go out with me you don’t have to. It’s okay, I understand.”

“No! Are you kidding?” He asks appalled. “I’ve been so excited and nervous, and my life motto is nerves mean you care. I guess I’m just, I’m not the best at dating because I’ve never really dated. But I do, I do want to go out with you, I just want you to be comfortable.”

“I want you to be comfortable too.” You grin. “I hear you like Harry Potter?”

His eyes go wide and he nods dumbly.

“I have the series on DVD,”

“Blu Ray,” He points to himself. “And a flat screen.”

“Your place it is.”

“I don’t know Shawn,” You sigh, slumping back in your seat at the kitchen table, check book on the table in front of you.

“Baby, if I bought the store you’d never have to have a month like you just had. You’d never have to close for the week just to save, that’s not how a business runs.”

You were trying to be calm, and hear him out. But you really didn’t want Shawn buying the company.

“And with the money I can put into it, we can really look into more marketing. Maybe revamp the place, add a little coffee shop, demo the whole place and start over. We can start doing online sales, and boosting revenue that way. Baby I think we can do so much with it-”

“No,” You stop him, “No.”

Shawn’s stopped, shocked at your firm answer. “Why?”

“I just don’t want you buying my company,”

“Baby, but think about how much we could do-”

“No!”

All you can see in your head is that note you have stashed in your file cabinet from your Pa. The one that explicitly says that it was yours until you were ready to share with someone. You could share with Shawn, but you didn’t want to have to. You felt like you just got the place and you don’t want to give it up yet.

“I don’t understand why you don’-”

“Because it’s mine!” You snap. “It’s mine!”

Shawn’s pulling back, but letting you snap.

“It’s mine, and I know I’m not the best owner, we aren’t making much money and I can barely keep the doors open, but it’s mine. And if you buy it then it’s yours, and not mine, and I can’t-” You shake your head. “I know I’m the disappointment of the family right now, because yes, I might have to close the shop soon-”

“Baby,” He stops you, taking your hands and kissing them. “I’m trying to give you a way where you won’t have to close.” He whispers. “You’re not a disappointment by the way, the markets shit, no one’s really making money.” He shrugs. “And I know it’s yours, and if I bought the bookstore, it’d still be yours, 100%”

“No it wouldn’t because you would own it.”

“Okay, so let's compromise, let’s make a deal, let’s talk it out.” He grabs his notepad and a fountain pen. “What if we partnered, you’d have half and I’d have half? That way it's still yours but I can help,”

“I don’t-”

“Let me finish.” He writes some things down. “I’ve been looking into it, and this is what I think you could make if you at least, did the online thing,” He passes you a note with an absurd amount. The bookstore has never made money like that. “And this,” He pulls the paper back, “Is what you could make by adding the cafe.”

“Shawn.” You gasp at the amount he’s scribbled.

“It’d be a study place, in this college town. It’d be a writing place, just down the street from a publishing house. And there are so many opportunities we could have with the publishing house alone. We could work out a contract to say that we’d sponsor their new authors for a certain amount, we’d be helping them and ourselves.”

“You’ve really thought this through.”

“Yes I have, because I love you, and the bookstore, and I don’t ever want to see you have to close the doors. I want to help, and finally, I know how.”

You smile, looking down at the other ideas he has listed on his notepad.

“Can you just think about it. Let’s have a meeting, I want this to be serious. I’ll do some more homework, and you do some too. I want you to think up and draw up everything you’ve ever wanted to do at the store. Everything okay?” He waits for a nod from you, “We’ll have a meeting and discuss what we’ve both thought up and then come to a conclusion.”

“Okay.” You whisper, nodding at him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You look up at him as he stands and walks around the table to you.

“Okay, I’ll have my people call your people about the details.”

“You mean having Jackie call me in the morning at the store so she can tell me that you’re free Friday at 9:30 to 10:45?” You smirk up at him.

He rolls his eyes, “Yes, Jackie will be in touch. Better?”

You giggle, nodding as he leans down for a kiss. “Where are you going?”

“Home? I’ve got a meeting real early.” He grabs his jacket, slipping it around his shoulders.

You pout at him, giving him your puppy dog eyes. “Stay?”

He chuckles, “Don’t give me those eyes, I can’t say no to those eyes.”

“Then don’t?”

“I have to, seriously I have to be up at like 4, and I don’t want to disrupt you. It’s your first day back at the shop and you need to be rested. I love you, and I’ll stay over tomorrow okay? Maybe I’ll stop by the shop at lunch if I have enough time?”

“Okay.” You sigh, deflating back in your seat.

“I love you.” He steps back closer, leaning down for a kiss.

“Mhm.” You hum, turning your face to the side so he kisses your cheek.

“Miss,” He grabs your chin softly, turning it back towards him, “You got something to say to me?”

“I love you too I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I think I’d know if you were staying the night.”

He laughs, kissing your lips softly sucking your bottom lip, pulling a moan from the back of your throat.

“Now you really can’t leave.”

“See you tomorrow.” He grins, grabbing his phone and keys, blowing you a kiss as he walks out your door.

You laughed to yourself when you saw Jackie’s line number run across your cell.

“Hello Jackie.” You answered.

“Morning,” She cheerfully responded. “Okay, so, care to explain why I’m scheduling a meeting for you and Shawn? And not like a date or something, like an actual meeting? Here? At the office?”

“Has he said anything?”

“No he never talks about his meetings. I’m lucky if I get a ‘Mornin’.” She imitates Shawn.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Yeah,” She laughs. “Well except for the meetings part. He really doesn’t talk about them, which is fine. It’s his business, I just schedule the meetings.”

“Well if he hasn’t said anything then I don’t think I should, but I’ll talk to him about it. He knows we’re friends, so if it’s not like confidential then I’ll let you know.”

“Alright fine,” She sighs. “He’s open, um you know, actually. When are you free?”

“Well, I just opened again this week.” You look around the store. “And I really don’t want to have to close just to go to the office for a meeting, but if I have too I will.”

“Tell me when you want the meeting, I’ll work it in his schedule. He can work around you this time around.”

You grin, mentally making a note to send her some flowers soon. “Well I usually close at 6 week nights, but I know he tries to be out of the office at 5.”

“Wednesday night at 6:30 good for you?” She asks, you can hear her typing away at her keyboard.

“Um, yeah, we’ll have to push our date back,” You giggle. “But I think this is an acceptable situation.

“Alrighty then, it’s been inputted into his calendar. Would you like me to input anything else in while I have you?”

“Yeah can you check that major birthdays and anniversaries are in there.”

“I know for a fact they are, he personally has input those. May 3rd is labeled with your name and a heart, just so you know.”

You blush, looking down at your counter, picking at the edge.

“It’s gonna be three years right?”

“Yeah.”

“He better go all out.”

“He could literally just come home with no work, and actually stay and I would be over the moon.”

“Oop, here he comes, wanna speak to him?”

“Um if he isn’t busy I guess.” You murmur.

“Alright, you’re gonna be on line 1, he’ll be with you in a moment.” Jackie says, “Meeting at Wednesday at 6:30, have a nice day!”

Before you can even respond the line clicks and you hear a husky, “Hello Beautiful.”

“Hi Handsome.”

“How’s your morning?”

You look around the store, books stocked full but empty of customers. “Slow.” You sigh, pulling your stool closer to the counter and taking a seat.

“It’s still early, got the whole day ahead of you.”

You love his ability to pick you up whenever you need it. He brought the positive to your life and always had you looking at the glass half full.

“Are you gonna be able to stop by for lunch?”

You hear him sigh, and clicking onto his computer. “No, I don’t think so Baby. Jackie penciled in this new intern? I guess it’s time for an eval, and it was my only open slot this…” He trails off, the clicking becoming louder. “Wednesday? But we have a date.” He speaks up.

“I know, but-”

“I made the reservations for 6:30.”

“Can you push them back? Or we can always have a dinner meeting I guess. Or you know what, tell Jackie to just put me in where it’s convenient for you, she tried to go by what was for me but I knew we should have gone off your sche-”

“I’ll push the reservations.” He hums.

You shut up quick, waiting a beat before suggesting, “Or we could just cancel them and go home with take out and watch The Act?”

Shawn hums again, and you can just imagine him scratching his chin as he swivels in his chair. “Or we could do that. I like that, let’s do that.”

You smile, “Okay! Since you aren’t coming to see me today can you at least come over tonight?”

“Told you last night I’d stay over.”

“I just didn’t know if that changed.”

He sighs, “I know I had to cancel the last time, and the time before, but that’s not gonna happen. I promise okay?”

“Okay.”

“I have a meeting Honey, I’ll see you tonight.”

“Okay.”

“I love you, sell some books!”

“I love you!”

The line goes dead and you sag in your stool. This was going to be a long day.

Maybe if you had more appeal to the store, like if you could see it better, or like if the sales that you had going on were noticeable from the window.

You slide your notebook over, grabbing your pen, titling the new page; ‘Meeting Ideas’.

You were rushing around the store trying to clean up the last bit that needed to be done before you rushed out the door. You got a little lost in building a new display for the Divergent section you had. You made some faction signs and little displays for them and before you knew it, it was time to close and your art project was all over.

You are just locking the door when your phone rings in your purse. Hands full, and keys dangling from your fingers you answer, slipping your phone between your shoulder and ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey Gorgeous,” Shawn’s voice flows through.

You sigh, knowing what this call was gonna be, cursing yourself for believing his promise this morning.

“Hey,” You sigh, unlocking your car but leaning against it for the bad news. “Not coming over?”

You hear a gasp from his end, and then him clearing his throat. “Um, I was calling to see if you wanted to make dinner or go out?”

“Oh!”

“Did you really think I was calling to cancel?” He whispers.

“Studies go to show-”

“Okay Bookworm, well let me show the studies that I am coming over, without any work, and I’ll be staying the whole night.”

You giggle at his defense game. “Okay, okay I’m sorry.”

“Dinner? Am I picking something up? Am I making you something? Are we meeting somewhere?”

“Can you just pick something up? I literally had the longest day, and I just wanna snuggle.”

“Okay, so a plate; orange chicken, teriyaki chicken, and fried rice with cream cheese ran goons?”

“I fucking love you.”

He chuckles, “I love you too Honey, I’ll see you at home with your food and a medium Coke.”

“You literally are perfect.”

“Goodbye,” He calls, laughing as you sigh.

The TV played softly as background noise to your cuddle session. It wasn’t often that you felt like you had time with Shawn like this. He rarely promised time without work, and you took advantage when he did.

The last few times he’s promised that he’d be yours for the night he’s gotten called in, or never even made it out of the office long enough to feed himself. You’re slowly started to become accustomed to being stood up, half the time you barely even get ready knowing that the dreaded text is bound to come through.

You shift a little against his chest, cuddling closer and humming as you look up. But you pull back a bit when you notice that his face is illuminated by his phone, and his free hand is typing away at his email, letters flying across the screen at a rapid pace going to prove how much he is on his phone.

You sigh, and roll your eyes discreetly as you pull away from him. He notices you leaving quickly, the arm that’s wrapped around you curling tighter so you can’t get away.

“What are you doing?” He mumbles dropping a kiss to the top of your head, eyes never once leaving his phone.

“You said no work.”

“I know, but I have to read this.” He answers, pointing with his chin to the device in his hand.

“It can’t wait till morning? It’s the first night we’ve had together in almost two weeks.” You sit up, turning to look at him.

He glances at you and then back at his phone as it buzzes with four new emails. You slump, blinking at him tiredly.

“Babe it’s just a few emails, and we’re watching a movie we’ve already seen. I’m not missing anything.”

You shake your head at his reasoning, as if spending time with you wasn’t even on his radar at all, he’s not missing anything new so what’s the harm?

“Fine.” You sigh, sitting back against the couch.

He clicks his phone off with a huff, “Don’t be like that.”

“I’m gonna get ready for bed.” You say as he starts to turn towards you. You stand from the couch quickly, walking off to your bedroom to start your routine before he can suck you in with his puppy eyes.

He joins you in the bathroom a few minutes later, after he’s locked up your place and turned the lights off.

“You’re so beautiful.” He murmurs into your shoulder as he hugs you from behind, watching you take your makeup off. You give him a glare in return to his comment, letting him know that trying to sweet talk you isn’t gonna help. “Don’t be mad, it was just one email.”

You scoff, “It’s not just one email, we both know that you’ll stay up to answer the rest and draft up even more.”

“I wait until you’re asleep though.” He points out.

“That’s not my point.” You whisper, tired of having the same conversation every night.

“You say that every time and then never elaborate what your actual point is, so can we get to that part already?”

“My point or question I guess is if I’ll ever come first?” You shrug, looking up at him.

His heart just about breaks when he sees your bottom lip quiver. He never ever wanted to make you feel like the work comes before you, it’s just so much is weighing on his shoulders right now, and it’s become easy for him to just know that you’re there even when he’s not and he’s taken that for granted.

“You do come first.”

“I don’t,” You shake your head, “We can’t even watch a movie with you checking work.”

He watches you turn and walk out of the bathroom, crawling into bed. You let out a deep shuddering breath as you relax with your back facing the side he usually lays on.

Biting his lip he flips the light off, following you to bed.

“Might as well go get yourself set up at the dining room table, or just go ahead and sneak out to go back to your place now. No point in staying.”

His eyes snap to you, his chest tightening, guilt panging as he realizes just how much you know what he does while you’re in bed. He didn’t think you knew about the night that he needed to be in his office to get something done, so he made your place look like he had left early in the morning and not at 11:47 pm.

He curses himself at what he’s done to make you feel this way.

“No Baby,” He slips under the covers, arms wrapping around you and pulling you flush against his chest. “I’m right here.”

He lets the sound of your deep breathing and scent of your mint and rosemary shampoo soothe him into the most peaceful sleep he’s had in a long time. He finally allows his overactive brain to slow for a minute, and for his body to relax against yours.

That night, he dreams of his forever with you.

Shawn was already in the conference room when you arrived at the office, Jackie meeting you at the door offering to take your jacket and a beverage of your liking.

You decline, to both, pointing to where you thought Shawn was, smiling at the confirmation nod she gives you in return.

You walk down the hall, holding your notebook of homework and ideas. You knock, slowly entering the room and smiling at Shawn, who’s head whips up from his papers.

“Hey!” He greets, standing up to welcome you in. He leans in for a quick hug, pecking your lips as he pulls away. “I’m professional I promise, but you’re my girl and deserve a hug and a kiss hello.”

You giggle, shaking your head at his antics. He pulls your chair out, the one next to his, and helps scoot you in after you’ve taken your seat.

“Okay, well let’s jump right into business.” He starts, flipping through his pages of notes as you do the same. “What to do you have there?” He points to your notebook.

“My notes?”

He chuckles, “I know they’re your notes, but what are the notes?”

“Oh,” You clear your throat, “Um well, these would be my terms and conditions.” You slide your notebook over, letting him read through it.

It’s impressive, how much thought you’ve put into every single detail.

In the end it’s decided that Shawn will invest with a 15% stake, and with his connections and his company itself now partnering with yours it’s well more of a deal for you than for him.

Next steps are to get the balls rolling with what your plans are. A website that allows your customers to order online, a cafe, and a whole store remodel. It was scary, especially because you really don’t want a whole lot to change, but it’s what needs to happen to be successful.

“Pizza or pasta?” Shawn asks as he starts to pack his briefcase up.

You stare at your notes, and the copy of the contract you both just signed. It’s like your frozen. This amazing guy was investing in your company, out of the love from his heart. This literally does nothing for him but give you the room to grow.

“Hey?” He sits back down, hand landing on your thigh. “Are you having second thoughts?”

You look at him with watery eyes.

“Baby if you’re having second thoughts then rip up the contract, we’ll-”

You quickly press your lips to his, shutting him and his anxious mind up for a moment.

“Not having second thoughts, just needing to take a moment to let this all settle in.”

“Okay,” He nods, pulling on your hand to have you stand up so he can hold you.

“I’m not gonna disappoint him anymore.” You whisper into his chest.

“Who?”

“Pa.”

Shawn sighs, kissing the top of your head, “You never disappointed him. I promise you that.”

“Hey Babe!” Shawn’s voice floats through the phone.

“Hey Honey.” You answer, clicking him to speaker as you box up some more books to prepare for demo day.

“So I’ve been looking into the perspective of revenue, and it might be time to start looking into some help.”

“Help?”

“Like some other workers.” He clarifies.

“Oh! I am, I have plans to meet with Lauren about the cafe this week.”

“That’s great Baby, but I’m meaning with you at the shop, not in the cafe.”

“Oh um, I don’t kn-”

“I emailed you the spreadsheet of the projected sales, take a look at it and let me know what you think okay? Just think about it? I have a meeting I needed to be in like 5 minutes ago,” He chuckles, “CEO duties. But I wanted to bring this to your attention. Anyway, I love you, I’ll see you for dinner.” He makes a dramatic kissing sound into the speaker and then hangs up before you can even think of responding.

The sledgehammer was a lot heavier than you were expecting now that you’re standing in front of a bare wall with a bunch of workers and your boyfriend staring at you.

You take a deep breath, take a step back, and let your years of softball takeover and swing for the fences. The wall splinters under the pressure and breaks, leaving a big hole in it’s trace.

“You did it!” Shawn cheers, running over to take the dangerous object away from you before you or anyone else got hurt.

“Holy shit, it’s real now.” You laugh as the rest of the crew then starts knocking the wall down. “That was so fun, holy shit!”

“It was really hot too.” Shawn smirks, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

“Oh my god, go away.” You push at his chest lightly.

“Hold up!” One of the workers calls, stopping everyone from there work and pulling something from the wall.

“Is something wrong?” Shawn asks, tucking you behind him.

“I found this,” He hands Shawn the note.

Shawn opens the note, coughing when the dust and debris flies around him.

“Oh Babe.” He sighs, turning to show you.

You gasp at the handwriting alone, yanking the note from Shawn’s hands and holding it close to your chest. The watery tears in your eyes as you look up at Shawn have him almost melting to the ground and vowing to protect you from everything.

“I’m gonna go-” You jerk your thumb over your shoulder to the door, indicating that you wanted privacy while reading this note.

Shawn nodded in understanding, turning to have everyone get back to work and talk some more with the contractor about the plumbing.

He really wanted to give you some time, really wanted to respect that you needed it. But damn it you were almost crying when you walked out the door, and staring at you from the window he can tell that you are crying now.

“Fuck it,” He mutters, stepping outside.

He slides up behind you, arms wrapping around your waist, chin resting on your shoulder.

“Are you okay?” He whispers into your ear.

“Yeah.” You nod, wiping your cheek. “Yeah, I needed this.” You unfold the letter so he can see.

It’s about time, this place needs the updates! I knew you had dreams for this place Pumpkin! Love Pa.

“Wait, he wrote that for you!” Shawn gasps softly. “How old were you when he redid the place?”

“I was three when he broke down the barrier wall and put in the new one,” You whimper.

“He knew all along this would be your legacy.” Shawn squeezes you closer.

“I was really struggling today with this decision, because I didn’t know if he would approve or not. But this was exactly what I needed to know I made the right choice.”

“Yeah?” Shawn asks.

“Yeah, you were the right choice. Pa would have loved you.” You turn and kiss his shoulder.

“You think?”

“I know he would have. Pa was particularly protective. You seem to have that same nature.” You grin. “I can just hear what he would say about you, and to you.”

“What would he say?”

“Well he’d sit me down and go, ‘that’s a good boy you got there, he treats you right and respects you. But if you got any troubles or doubts you let your Pa know, he’ll take care of it.’ Even though your friendship would be so tight he would side with you instead of me.” You giggle.

Shawn smiles, kissing your neck before sighing. “I wish I could have met him.”

“Can I ask you something?” You turn to face him now.

“Anything.”

“Would you like to?”

“Like to what?” Shawn’s brows furrow.

“Like to meet him?” You ask again. “Would you like to go to his grave with me?”

Shawn’s smile literally touches, ear to ear, and he squeals a little as he picks you up and spins you around.

“I’d love to.”

Lauren has been your best friend since you both started working at the local girls clothing store in high school. She’s a few years older than you and really was the person who showed you the love of running a store. She got you into the management aspect of the job and taught you everything you know.

She’s a big reason as to why you were so comfortable and willing to take over the bookstore for Pa when he passed away.

When you both left the clothing store she went off to become an assistant manager at Lou’s Coffee House just outside of town. She then went on to meet Connor there, and the story goes on to how she set you up with Shawn.

“So I have some news!” You squeal as Lauren sets her coffee mug down in front of her.

You’re out to breakfast for your weekly meetup at your usual diner.

“Are you pregnant?” She asks.

“No!”

“Engaged?”

“Oh my god, no.”

“Okay then…?”

“So I’m remodeling the store.” You grin as her eyes go wide. “And I bought the toy shop next door.”

“Whoa!” She shares your excitement but then comes back to reality. “Wait, weren’t you like just closed for a week because you couldn’t afford the electric bill?”

“So about that, I, I um, I might have gone through with Shawn’s investment plan.”

“Finally.” She sighs.

“We worked through the details, sat down and had a meeting and everything.”

“Sounds very Fifty Shades here.”

“Oh my god shut up,” You blush and shake your head, no realizing that it kind of did.

“Okay,” She laughs. “So why buy the toy shop?”

“How much do you like your job?”

“Working as an assistant manager? Where I can’t make my own decisions? Where I have to get them okay’d first? It sucks, but it’s a job.”

“Wanna manage your own cafe?” You ask with a big smile.

“Excuse me?”

“I bought the toy shop to knock the dividing wall down and add a cafe.”

You’ve never seen her eyes so wide. “You’re joking?”

“And I bought it so you could run it.”

“You’re joking?!?” Her voice is starting to rise.

“Is that a yes?”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re you? You’re the best Lo, let’s be honest with ourselves.”

“I’d be in charge? Can do my own ideas?”

“Well Shawn and I have drawn up some ground rules since it’s mainly his name on it, but yeah there’s no one we’d want or trust more.”

Days got tough, times get hard, and people grow tired. It’s life, it’s what happens. Today was one of those days for you.

While finding Pa’s note helped, and the excitement of starting a new was distracting, you still struggled with the result that has come of you owning the shop.

It was hard to admit you needed help, and it was harder to receive it from Shawn. It was terrifying to give up some of the reign to him as well. So with his newest idea, comes your patience lost.

“You don’t get to do this.” You shake your head, putting the plates away in the cabinet and slamming the cabinet door shut in your frustration.

“You’re gonna need the help.”

“I don’t need help!”

“I’m not saying you can’t do it. I’m not saying that. I’m saying that at least one other person is going to make it easier for you. You’re gonna run yourself into the ground doing it by yourself.”

“We’ve agreed on cafe staff.” You cross your arms.

“Yes we have, but we’re not talking about the cafe. We’re talking about the shop. One other person, that’s all I’m saying. One more set of hands with you behind the counter. You’re gonna want it, gonna need it.”

“It’s my store Shawn, I can do it! This part of it is all I have left!”

“I’m not taking that away!” He raises his voice to your level. “I’m trying to give you some help here!”

“This!” You turn back to the sink. “This is why I didn’t want to do this! I knew this is how it’d turn out. You’d be Mr. Mendes, Mr. Know-it-All, and tell me how to run the store. My store!” You toss the dish towel on the counter, turning back to him. “Guess what Shawn, you’re not there. You never have been, you never will be. You don’t care enough to be there, and because of that you’re not allowed to care about who is.”

His condo is silent as your words settle. He blinks at you, face blank of an expression and your heavy breaths slow as you watch him turn and walk away from you.

“Shawn?”

He doesn’t answer, he just picks up his keys from the corner counter and walks right out the front door, leaving the slam of it to echo in your head.

He didn’t come home, he knew he should have and that he’d given you both enough time to cool down. But he didn’t come home.

Instead he hid away in the safezone that has become his office, his second home. He was too wired to go back and go to bed, but he was too drained to keep driving around all night, so he ended up here, checking emails and stewing over your words.

You were right, he never did spend any time with you at the store. And it wasn’t in his schedule to start doing so after the remodel. The store was so important to you, and it was so minimalistic to him that he couldn’t see how much it would mean to actually stop and enjoy the space with you.

He’s been fighting his own battle all night with how guilty and shitty he feels for walking through the doors of Cornered Pages and changing everything, flipping your whole world on its side, without actually thinking about how this truly is affecting you deep inside.

It was close to 5:30 am when he dozed off. Chin in his hand, elbow propped up on his desk. The sun had just started to rise, and he could hear Jackie out at her desk.

But it was 8:45 am when you stormed in. The banging of his office door against the wall startling him awake. His jump knocking over the framed photograph of you and him from your last anniversary.

He looks around quickly, looking for what woke him in such a way, but everything stops when his eyes land on you. Your hair was unkempt, you wore his old Harvard hoodie and some grey sweats. Eyes rimmed red with tears.

“Baby?” He cleared his throat, blinking a few times to wake himself up. “What’s wrong?”

“I need you, to come home.” Your voice shakes as you speak.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” He keeps asking, afraid something bad happened.

“Come home.” Your bottom lip quivers as he stands to come to you.

“What’s wrong? Baby what happened?”

“You didn’t come home!”

He wraps you up in his arms, kissing the top of your messy hair and breathing you in.

“You don’t just get to not come home Shawn.”

“Okay, okay.” He nods, feeling you start to relax. “Let’s go home.”

“You don’t get to not come home.” You repeat, some panic still coursing through you.

“You’re okay, I’m right here. Let’s go home.”

“I thought you were leaving, you can’t not come home.”

Your words are like a knife through his heart, he can’t handle the thought of you sitting in his home thinking he wasn’t ever gonna come back to you.

“Never, I’m never leaving you. I won’t do it again, I promise. Take me home.”

Jackie watches with concerned eyes as you both stagger out of his office, Shawn mumbling to cancel his meetings, that he needed a personal day. She didn’t ask questions, she just nodded and bidded you both safe travels back home.

Once seated in the car to go home the only thing you say is “You don’t just get to not come home.”

This is it, months of work, weeks of stress, days of insecurities, hours of arguing, and minutes of excitement has lead to this.

The shop was finally complete, and today was the reopening. You were nervous, the new keys sit in your hand as Shawn, Aaliyah who’s been hired to work in the shop with you, and Lauren your best friend who’s gonna manage the Cafe stand beside you as you unlock the door.

Shawn grins, pulling the new outdoor easel sign out from the entrance of the store and positioning it right out front showing that it was a ‘Grand Re-Opening!’.

“Li, can you count the register? Do you remember how I showed you?”

“Can you just watch to make sure I do it right? I think I remember, but I don’t want to mess it up.” She nervously giggles, walking with you to the counter to count the register to properly open the store.

Shawn and Lauren open up the cafe entrance, and you can see Shawn bouncing on his toes as he watches you and Aaliyah through the glass walls that divide the store from the cafe.

“Got it?” You turn to her with a smile, she nods proudly closing the register and slipping the receipt into the little accordion file you keep in a compartment under the drawer.

“Yep!”

“Perfect, now I think your brother wants to be the first dollar we earn from the cafe, so let’s go join him before we get to work.” You giggle leading her to the cafe.

“There you are! Get it taken care of?” He asks looking at Aaliyah, eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Yep! I did it all by myself and everything.” Her sarcasm drips heavily as she answers.

“Okay, what can I buy you for a celebratory drink?”

“Okay, so I have a medium black coffee for Shawn, a medium white chocolate mocha blended for Liyah, and a iced peppermint mocha, large, for the lovely owner.” Lauren sets three cups down, knowing everyone’s order before any of you have to tell her.

“And a iced vanilla cold brew, medium, added to his tab.” You give her a look eyeing her drink behind her on the counter.

“I was gonna-”

“Nope add it to his tab, I think he can handle it.” You pat Shawn’s shoulder, grinning when he nods, swipes his card and leaves a hefty tip.

“We just had our first sale!” Lauren cheers when his charge goes through.

You laugh at her excitement and lean into Shawn’s side, sighing as you let the day sink it. He leans down to kiss the top of your head and thread his fingers through yours.

It’s so weird to see him on a Monday, jeans and white t shirt instead of his slacks and a button down. He’s taken the day off to be here for the store launch, and work with you guys on the floor.

“Okay!” He claps his hands together. “Let’s get to work! What’s first?”

This is the slowest it’s been all day, there’s been a line practically out the door, and you’re thanking your lucky stars that Shawn wanted to be here today to help. He’s been helping people find books, or the right aisles for certain genres, he’s greeted every person that walks in the door, and talks up the cafe for those who don’t have a drink already.

You and Aaliyah are practically trapped behind the counter, not having a chance to even look to the other, that’s how many people are in line.

You’re ringing up Mrs. Cooper, gift wrapping a few books for her grand kids birthdays. “Caleb is just going to love that Harry Potter box set you had. His mother said he’s been looking for that since Christmas, and Katie has been non stop talking about that new Julie Cross book.”

“We just got that book in this morning, it came with my new shipment.” You nod, tying a ribbon around the box set. “I can’t wait to read it, the Juniper Falls series is one of my favorites.”

“Katie will be so excited.” Mrs. Cooper smiles, handing you the bills to pay for the books. You smile as you ring her up.

“Mrs. Cooper would you like to sign up for a our new rewards program? All you have to do is put in an email or phone number and we’ll track your points that way, with every dollar you earn a point. Every 100 points you get a free book or drink on us.”

“I’d love to, I’m gonna be in enough to make it worth my while.”

“Perfect!” You smile, clicking over to the page to sign her up. “While I get you signed up I’ll have Shawn take your things to your car.”

“Oh thank you Honey.” She smiles, watching you wave Shawn over.

“Hey Gorgeous,” He grins, kissing the side of your head and looking at the screen. “Need help with something?”

“Yeah can you carry Mrs. Coopers books to her car? I’m gonna get her signed up for the rewards program real quick.”

You watch Shawn’s eyes drift from you to the counter where two bags of books sit in front of Mrs. Cooper and her walker.

“Of course, where are you parked?” He asks taking the bags with a big smile.

“Right up front in the handicap parking Son, my husbands in the car waiting.”

“Perfect, I’ll be right back.” Shawn nods, winking at you before he walks away.

You get Mrs. Cooper signed up, ring up a few more people to finish off the line, and then look around at the mostly empty store to see how it looks after that rush.

It’s not too bad, but you notice it needs serious recovery and some filling of shelves. When you turn to start talking to Aaliyah to notice that she’s not standing at her spot behind the counter, but coming out of the back storage room with a cart of books, asking a few people if they’re finding everything okay.

You smile, knowing that Aaliyah was a perfect fit for your store, and everyone was loving her.

You take this quick chance to run over to the cafe and check in with Lauren, and see how she’s doing. The cafe is bustling with people, every table is full and all the chairs in the little nook are occupied with reading teens.

“Hey!” You cheer as you walk behind the counter to talk with Lauren.

She pats Becca, her extra set of hands, on the shoulder to let her know that she’s coming to talk to you.

“Hey Bigshot.”

You roll your eyes at the name, Lauren’s been calling you that since you told her about the remodel and asked her to be the cafe’s lead manager.

“How’s it going over here?” You ask, leaning against the wall, getting a glimpse of Shawn over her shoulder.

He’s talking to a group of men in suits, and you assume they must be his work colleagues.

“It’s going really good, Becca and I are working really well around each other. She’s so sweet and amazing that I’ve practically had her at register all day because she’s selling treats and the cafe card like crazy.”

“Oh yay! I’m so glad!” You nod, smiling at Lauren and then letting your eyes travel back to Shawn. “Do you know those guys?” You ask her, nodding to the guys who just made Shawn’s smile drop to a frown in less than a second.

“Oh I don’t know, they ordered a few minutes ago, kept whispering to each other and laughing as they looked around.” She shrugs, “Seems like Shawn knows them.”

“Yeah will you give me a second?” You ask, walking past her and over to Shawn. “Hey,” You lay a hand on his back, standing beside him as all three of the guys look down to you.

“Hey,” Shawn mumbles, letting his arm uncross from in front of his chest and wrap around you. “This is Tate, Blake and Zach.” He points to each of the guys.

“You must be the famous girlfriend?” Blake says with a teasing smile.

You squint at him as you try to figure out their game here, “Yeah, and you are?”

The boys look to Shawn in shock, “Um, we work at Mendes Printing.” Zach answers.

“They’re in charge of the orders and deliveries.” Shawn says looking to you.

“So, this place is, is something huh?” Tate acknowledges. “You must be so happy to have someone like Shawn who can just dump some change to those in need.”

Shawn stands up straight, jaw clamped shut. You watch as Blake and Zach snicker, looking at each other like they’re the funniest guys in the world.

“I’m lucky to have a supportive boyfriend who believes in my dreams and will help me accomplish them.” You fire back. “And you’re lucky to have such a wonderful man as a boss, who lets you take a break at what?” You pick up Shawn’s wrist to read his watch, “At 2:37 pm.”

All three boys deadpan as you give them a small smile. “We’re on our way to a meeting.” They stammer out.

“Well I’m so glad you are willing to be late to a meeting just to see our new cafe, did you sign up for the new cafe card? With every 10 purchases you get the 11th free. You can sign up while you wait for the drinks you’ve ordered.”

Shawn squeezes your hip, grinning as he kisses the top of your head.

“We’ve got to be headed back to the store, but it was nice to meet you, can’t wait to hear your stellar reviews of the drinks. Lauren’s the best barista in town.”

Shawn steers you away from the boys, smirking into your hair as he holds you close. “They didn’t mean any harm.”

“They practically said that you’re my sugar daddy and bought me my own store.”

“And we both know that isn’t true, you barely let me buy you dinner.”

“You deserved to be spoiled too, so no I’m not about to let you pay for everything just because you can. I can too.”

“I love you, you know that right?”

“I love you too.” You look up at him with a pout. His smile and blushing cheeks has you biting your lip, trying to stay professional in your business. “I really wanna kiss you.” You mumble as you turn away to help Aaliyah fill shelves.

“Oof the things I wanna do to you to celebrate the success of your store? Just wait until we get home Miss. CEO.” Shawn pinches your ass before walking away, tossing a wink your way as your jaw drops.

A week into the relaunch and things finally seem to settle back into the normal you’re used too. Wednesdays are always your slowest days, and while it’s not always good for business you take advantage of the free time to get some remerching done.

That’s what you’re up to this morning. You had a dream last night about what the store would look like if you redesigned the front wall and added some of the new signs Shawn’s company just dropped off the other day.

That’s why books are stacked in piles around the front of the store and shelves and knife brackets are scattered in empty spaces as you try plan out how you want it to look like. You’ve counted up 17 notches and slide a knife bracket in place, repeating on the next section. You use your right foot to help hoist the shelf up high enough to set on top of the brackets, but right as you go to lift the door opens, bell startling you and you drop the shelf.

The loud clang and yelp from you is enough to catch Mrs. Cooper’s attention as she walks into the store, eyes wide as she notices you hunched over in pain.

“Oh, Honey are you okay?” She tries to get to you as fast as she can, but with the piles you’ve set down for the time being her walker can’t get to you.

“I’m okay,” You wave her off, trying to play it cool as your foot throbs. “How are you this morning?” You clench your jaw, fisting your jeans to help hold off your scream of pain.

“Dear are you sure you’re okay? You dropped that shelf right on your foot. Where’s that boy who was here the last time I was in, he should be helping. Lord knows he’s got those muscles for a reason.”

“He’s actually just an investor, and well my boyfriend, but he’s got his own company to work for. That was just a one time thing, him working here.” You correct her.

“Is there anyone else here?”

“Not yet, but I’m okay I promise.” You stand up straight, hiding your pain behind a fake smile, to prove you’re alright and don’t need help.

“If you say so, I’m just in to get another one of those Juny Pond books or whatever that series was.”

“Juniper Falls?” You smile, trying to hide your limp as you make your way to your Young Adult sports section. “Which one are you looking for?”

Mrs. Cooper starts to tell you all about how Katie, her granddaughter fell in love with the new book she got her at the re opening, and how she wants more. You soon figure out that Katie has read all three books from the series so you go on to suggest the baseball book that Julie Cross has published that is just as good, and if not your favorite.

But as you talk with Mrs. Cooper Lauren comes in a little early, quickly notices that bare wall and everything a little disorganized up front. When she finds you two she immediately can tell something is wrong with you, and that you’re very uncomfortable.

Usually you’ll talk all day with Mrs. Cooper, but you seem to hurry her a little today and you’re limping in just the slightest bit. The second Mrs. Cooper is out the door to her husband you drop to the floor, letting out a long “owww”

“What happened Doll?” She asks, crouching beside you.

“I was rebuilding the front wall, all in my head and in my zone. The second I lifted the shelf to put it up Mrs. Cooper walked and the bell went off scaring the bejesus out of me and I dropped the damn thing on my foot.”

“Well you’re walking on it so it’s not broken.”

You slip your shoe and sock off, cringing at the deep purple and blue bruise that’s starting to form across your foot, the swelling already starting.

“Just severely bruised.” Lauren sighs.

“Will you help me finish the wall before you open the cafe? I promise to stay off it as much as I can but I can’t leave the front of the store like that.”

She agrees to help but makes you sit on the step stool while you tell her what to do and where to put things. In the end the wall looks really cool and the customers you have coming in after it’s built have nothing but compliments for it.

“Hey!” Aaliyah calls as she clocks in from the back.

“Hey Hon!” You smile as she comes out with a cheery smile, stopping when she spies you on the stool, you rarely sit.

“What’s up?”

“So, don’t tell your brother, but I got hurt today.”

“What? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine but, I might have dropped a shelf on my foot.”

“Oh my god,”

“She’s gonna sugar coat it but she can barely put pressure on her foot, so while I’m in the cafe make sure she’s being good and staying off it and icing it. Also because she’s limited to her chair she’s finally finished up the online order website and gotten all the merchandise in the website so that can launch soon!” Lauren interrupts you.

“Hey! I was gonna tell her that!” You glare at Lauren.

“Sorry, I got excited.”

“Why can’t I tell Shawn, he should know.” Aaliyah looks at you.

“He will.” You nod. “But I want to tell him later, he’ll freak out and blah blah blah.”

Aaliyah nods slowly, and you can see in her eyes, just like her brother, that she’s gonna do the exact thing you asked her not to do. So you mentally make a note that Shawn will be here in the next 15 minutes.

** 10 Minutes Later **

“Jackie, cancel it.” You hear Shawn say as the bell goes off indicating he’s just walked in the door.

“Sorry,” Aaliyah sighs when you look up at her. “He’d kill me if he knew I knew and didn’t say something.”

“It’s okay,” You smile at her. “I know I said I wanted to tell him later, but I’m glad he’s here. So thank you.”

“Emergency.” He hums as he looks around frantically for you, stopping when he sees you seated behind the counter. “Okay I will, thanks Jackie.” With that he hangs up the phone, walking right behind the counter and taking your face into his hands, eyes inspecting yours. “Which foot?”

“Right.”

“Level?”

“8.” You answer softly.

“Reason why you didn’t call?” He raises an eyebrow.

“I wanted to push through?”

“Try again.” He hums, crouching down to take your shoe off so he can see.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” You slump, telling the truth. “I promise I’m okay.”

“And what were you doing?” He asks as he softly caresses your foot, being careful not to touch too rough.

“I was building the front wall.”

He looks up at you, blinks, then turns his head to look at the wall noticing that what you’ve done is actually much cooler and seems to be attracting a lot of attention from bystanders outside.

“How’d you drop it?”

“The bell scared me when Mrs. Cooper walked in and I dropped it.” Your bottom lip pushes out at how lame your story is.

He shakes his head, letting a breath out as he tries not to laugh a little. “You kill me, you know that? How hard would it have been to wait to do that with Liyah here, or Lauren, or me?”

“You?” Your eyebrows scrunch.

“If you would have called I would have come to help.”

“But-”

“We talked about this,” He shakes his head, “We’re in this together right? You chose me to be apart of this with you? Then let me be apart of it. I know I can’t be here everyday, but I can be here to help if you need me to be. Building walls, or new displays that involve heavy lifting is something I can be here for. You just have to tell me.”

You nod, letting his fingers twine with yours on your thighs.

“Okay, next time I’ll call.”

“Thank you, that’s all I’m asking for.” He looks back down at your foot and bites his lip. “Level 8?”

You nod, showing off that you can wiggle your toes a bit but that’s about it.

“Can I take you home?” He whispers, hands sliding to the back of your calves, rubbing little circles with his thumbs.

“Can we stay till close? It’s just a two more hours? You can help me with inventory for the website launch.”

“Of course,” He smiles, jumping up to pull the other stool closer to sit with you and work on the website.

Shawn sets you down on the bed, convinced that you shouldn’t be putting any weight on your foot. He happily took on the roll of your right hand man, carrying your everywhere, bringing you things, spoiling you in many kisses.

“So,” He says, digging through his drawer to find you a shirt to wear. “I had a phone meeting with Horan Publishing today.” He smiles as he pulls out his Eddie Vedder, his favorite to see you in.

“Oh?” You hum as you take the shirt from his hands.

“Yeah, he wanted to discuss maybe partnering with us.” Shawn grunts as he starts to change his own clothes.

“With us?” You deadpan, looking up at him.

Shawn looks over his shoulder at the sound of your question, stopping his actions to turn and look at you.

“Yeah.”

“Us? I’m-”

“He publishes books,” Shawn grins, “We sell books.”

You nod dumbly, still confused that someone wants to partner.

“He was wondering if we might be interested in sponsoring a few of his new authors, maybe give them a shelf or two, the room to do a signing.”

“He wants to do that with us?”

“Yes,” Shawn laughs at your skepticism, “He’s an old friend but said he’s noticing the rapid success of your store and thought that maybe if he partnered with us the younger audience that your store draws might help kickstart a fanbase.”

You just blink at him.

“I’ll go over all the paperwork he sent over, but I think it’s a good deal, he’d be sponsoring us much the same we’d do for him.”

“If you think it’s a good deal then fucking do it, I trust you more than my own opinions here.”

Shawn grins, shaking his head, crawling towards you on the bed to plant a steamy kiss to your lips. “You’re so fucking cute,” He murmurs against your lips.

A month later your store is filled with a line out the door and wrapped around the building for the first book signing you’ll sponsor.

Niall is here, planted firmly in the cafe corner, laptop open, charger plugged into the wall to make sure he’s not gonna crash as he works through the signing.

Shawn’s here to support, ready to help in anyway he can. But the more you watch from a distance behind the counter the more you’re wishing he wasn’t here.

He’s getting quite close to the author.

She’s gorgeous, long brown hair, brown sparkly eyes, perfect eyebrows and cheekbones. She is an incredible author, and honestly you’ve become a big fan after reading the first copies of a few of her books that Niall sent over last week. But the more she’s making eyes at Shawn, touching his arm, and laughing at everything he has to say has her leaving a sour taste in your mouth.

But slowly your becoming hurt with the way he’s not pushing her off, and how he keeps stepping just a little closer.

You take a deep breath, turning to look at Aaliyah and seeing that she’s struggling a little with keeping up with the line of book hungry teens.

You decide that you don’t have time to stand and watch your perfect boyfriend flirt with the perfect girl in front of him, you’ve got work to do. So, you roll up your sleeves slip behind Aaliyah to get to the other register and start ringing up the next customer.

The store is crazy destroyed by the time you closed. Aaliyah was feeling stressed and little under the weather when you locked the doors to start the closing process, so you sent her home promising that you could handle it on your own.

Shawn had tried to kiss you goodbye, after walking Hailee, the author, to her car and giving her a big hug before she got in. You turned your head so he had to kiss your cheek, and then stalked off to start cleaning before he had the chance to ask what was up.

He leaves hesitantly, guiding Aaliyah through the door to take her home, but watches you from the windows, noticing the deep frown on your face and the way your shoulders are slumped as you start to count the registers.

“Was she like that all day?” He asks his sister, pointing at you once they’re both seated in the car.

“What?” Aaliyah looks up, and the sees what he’s pointing at. “Oh, um, she was fine this morning, really excited. But like as the day went on it was like something was constantly bugging her and bringing her mood down. I tried to talk to her about it but she just kept saying ‘I’ve got work to do, no time to waste on dumb things’.”

Shawn’s brows furrow and he watches you for a minute before driving away to drop Aaliyah off.

By the time he makes it back to help and pick you up his poor thumb nail is practically non existent, he wants to know what’s wrong and got you feeling down.

He knocks at the door, peaking through the window so you can see him to let him in. You turn and look over your shoulder with wide eyes and then they soften a bit when you recognize him.

You scramble for your keys and unlock the door, “What are you doing here?”

His eyes narrow on you in confusion, “I’m here to help, and take you back home?”

“Oh,” You look back at the cafe where Lauren was cleaning up. You had told her about Shawn and Hailee and how they had acted all day, and she offered to give you a ride home since you rode in with Shawn. “Lauren was gonna drive me.”

Shawn looks over your shoulder to Lauren, catching her glare, his heart beat picking up a bit.

“But I thought you were staying over?”

“I think I’m just gonna go back to mine, I’m really tired and just wanna sleep.”

“And what did you think you’d being doing at mine? Going to Vegas and staying up all night. I’m tired too, I just wanna go to bed with you.” He lowers his voice and reaching for your hand, but gasping a bit when you don’t let him hold it. “What’s wrong?”

You sigh, shaking your head as your turn to fix the front table display.

“Hey.” He grabs your wrist, turning to you back to him. “Talk to me, what’s wrong?”

“It’s stupid.”

He eyes you, knowing that you need some time before you really start to talk to him about what’s going on in your head. So he nods, “Well I’m here when you’re ready okay? I saw you got a few shipments in the back? Can I help move and unbox them for you?”

“Sure.” You shrug, going back to your work and trying to not let his cute little puppy look break you down.

So for the next hour, after Lauren leaves once you tell her that you can handle Shawn, it’s just the two of you. Shawn’s back and forth from the back to the front bringing out more books. But every time you go to start cleaning something else there’s a random book sitting in front of you.

The first time it’s ‘Beautiful Boss’ by Christina Lauren, and you look around confused why a romance novel would be in the Syfy section.

The second time it’s ‘P.S. I Still Love You.’ by Jenny Han, and you roll your eyes since it’s a Young Adult in the Cooking shelf.

The third time is after you’ve corrected Shawn on how he set something up, and you were a little harsh with how you told him. You giggle a little when you see ‘Disarm’ with a sticky note under the title that says ‘Please, I’m still learning.’

You look at him while he’s focusing on getting the sign just right, small pout on your lips at how hard he’s trying for you.

The final time you notice a book it’s ‘Lucky in Love’ with another sticky note that says ‘with you!!’.

You sigh, smiling as you look up at him. He’s watching you over a bookshelf, his height allowing him to spy.

“Stop being cute when I’m mad at you.” You whine, making him grin and rush around the shelf to you.

“Why are you mad?” He asks softly, setting the books he was holding down.

“I don’t know, why don’t you go ask Hailee.”

His eyes go wide and he sighs, “Oh Honey.”

“Don’t ‘Honey’ me, you seemed more interested in what she had to say than me.”

“That’s not true.”

“You know what,” You sigh, knowing that you sound ridiculous, “I think I’m just gonna go over to Lauren’s.”

“No, you’re not.” Shawn blocks your path to the counter.

“I’m not in the mood to fight.”

His eyes bug a little, “I didn’t realize we were fighting.”

“Shawn,” You sigh, looking up at him with hurt eyes.

“Baby,” He whines, wrapping his arms around you. “What’s really the matter?”

You take a deep breathe, “The real matter is that I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“I’m scared that one of these days you’re gonna meet someone like Hailee, who’s got her life figured out and is perfect and looks perfect, and you’re gonna realize that you need to be with someone like that and not someone like me. That you want someone who can challenge you, and be up to the standards that you live. Someone who isn’t prone to failing and needing you to bail her out of her life.”

Shawn’s heart drops when he hears you speak this way. He was absolutely in love with you, and he couldn’t stand the fact that you felt like he was bailing you out.

“Hey,” He tilts your chin up since your looking at his chest to avoid eye contact. “Listen to me okay?”

“Sure,” You sigh.

“No hey,” He dips his chin so you have to look him in the eye. “I’m in love with you. I’m in love with your passion, and opinions. I’m in love with the way your brain works, and the way you fight for what you want. I’m in love with the way that you don’t know what you want your life to be, because we’re fucking 21 years old, we shouldn’t have to know what our lives are. You think you don’t challenge me? You piss me off and frustrate me all the time because you make me think of things in a different way, you have different ideas to everything. And while I think one way you think another, and you’re always right. Always, so I love that side of you too, because it challenges me. Also, I really don’t care what you say, but you are perfect. You are my definition of perfect.”

“Shawn,” You whimper, looking up at him with tearful eyes.

“So no, you won’t be staying at Lauren’s because I’ve planned a late dinner and a romantic bubble bath to celebrate the first signing.”

You gape at him as he pulls you closer. Nuzzling into your neck, nosing right behind your ear.

“And we’re not allowed to just not come home, remember?”

Shawn wonders out of his room and down the hall to find you standing at his kitchen counter making coffee with a book in your hand. He can’t help himself but to stare for a moment. There you stand with your hair in messy bun, and his favorite nighty of yours hugging you tightly.

The tattoo on your hip teases him as you reach up onto your toes for your mug, but your eyes never leave your book, too entranced in the story to look away.

The fresh hickey on your neck flashes at him when he starts to move closer, taunting him to add more. He presses himself right behind you, reaching up for you to get your mug down.

“I love how you wear this when we fight,” He hums into your neck, planting a little wet kiss to your new purple temporary tattoo.

“It’s your favorite.” You whisper back. “And I’m sorry for insinuating the things I did.”

“Stop,” He hushes you, turning you so you’re facing him. “We did the apologies already.” He lifts you up onto the counter. “Had the make up sex.” He grins. “We’re good to go.”

“So you’re not in the mood for more make up sex?” You ask with a sly grin.

“How about some ‘you’re in my favorite negligee and I’m really in love with you’ sex?” He hoists you up, biting his lip as you wrap your legs around his waist, hands digging into his curls.

“That sounds so fucking perfect.” You moan as he sucks another bruise to your neck.

This time when he wakes up alone in bed he finds you in the little makeshift nook he made for you. The chair in the corner of his office big and comfy and you sink right into it.

“I’m gonna get you a house with a room line with shelves and a comfy spot for you to read in.” He sighs, flopping next to you on your chair, well it’s more of a loveseat, hand rested on your bare thigh, riding up his Sting t shirt you’re now wearing.

“Can your desk still be in the room with me? So you’re not too far away?”

“You can literally have anything you want.” He hums, taking your book from your hand, folding the corner on your page and setting it on the ground so he can lean you back and lay on you.

“Just you,” You whisper, leaning forward to kiss his nose. “Just want you.”

“Mmm, you have me.” He nods. “So let me spoil you.”

“You do.”

“So you’ll let me buy us a home? With a library ready to be filled with your favorite stories?”

“Are you asking me to move in with you?”

“We practically already live together Babe, it’s just a juggle between your place and mine.”

“So why can’t we just move into here, the condo?”

He sighs, dropping his head to your chest and groaning, “Because the house I bought has a room lined with shelves, enough room for your chair or a couch, or both, whatever you want.”

“Shawn?” “So can I give you the key now?”

“Does it have room for your desk?” You ask softly.

“Babe my office is conjoined to your library by french doors. You really think I can be away from you?”

“Really?” You let a small smile light up your features.

“And it’s got a kitchen island like you always talk about, and a room that can be made into a nursery at some point. The backyard is huge, plenty of room to build a treehouse.”

“You bought us a home?”

“I bought you a home.” He nods.

“Baby!” You sob, throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him into you. “You bought us a home!”

It’s early this Sunday morning, you and Shawn are walking around like the sleep deprived zombies you are.

This week has consisted of packing up your place, packing his place, moving to the new house in the neighborhood that’s exactly halfway from the store and the office, and unpacking.

Shawn through a little fit when you asked him to come with you this morning to the store to be there for the bookfair delivery, and to help you set it up for tomorrow. After you explained that you were a little nervous about how early the delivery was, and how the guy treated you the last time no one was convincing Shawn that he wasn’t going.

The back storage room is jam packed with boxes upon boxes, and displays for days.

The store was sponsoring the local elementary schools Book Fair, which is bringing in money for you and the attention from all the parents and teachers in tow.

You were standing in your new Young Adult section for the time being, replacing the John Green and making sure to have tons in backstock as well when Shawn came running by.

“Babe!”

“Yeah Honey,” You look up at his excited features.

“Check out the new printing.” He eyes the book he’s outstretched to you, ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’.

You’re a little confused because this copy looks pretty worn, the spine bent, pages creases, corners folded. “Okay?” You cautiously take the book, noticing it feels a little lighter than you were expecting. You flip open the cover and gasp at what you see.

There in the middle of all the pages, Shawn’s gone out and cut a square out of the middle of the book and placed a ring box inside.

“Oh wait,” He snaps, getting you to look up at him. “That’s my copy that I made after the night I met you and you told me that if someone ever proposed to you like this that you’d say yes times a million.” He grins as he sees the tears in your eyes.

He reaches inside and plucks the box from the book, dropping to his knee in front of you and popping the box open, revealing your dream ring. It’s a simple silver ring, cut to look like rope that meets in the middle to look like a knot.

“Shawn,” You gasp.

“Let me give you your happily ever after, the next part to your everlasting series, and the greatest epilogue to the best story ever. Baby will you marry me?”

It was finally the day, with the store and life changing between you and Shawn, you lost track of time since you’d asked him.

But today marks five years without Pa, and it was your tradition to have a picnic with him.

You sit between Shawn’s legs, back against his chest, head rested back on his shoulder as you trace the quote you had engraved on Pa’s tombstone.

‘Create your own happily ever after’.

Shawn kisses your neck as his hand sneaks around to rest on your small baby bump, hand just about as big as the bump itself.

“I did it Pa,” You whisper, smiling as you cuddle closer to Shawn, fiddling with your ring he’s wearing. “I made my own happily ever after.”

#shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes series #shawn mendes #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes fluff #shawnmendes imagine #shawnmendes #shawnmendes request #shawnmendes smut #shawnmendes fluff #shawnmendes angst #shawn mendes angst #shawnmendes series #shawn mendes imagine #shawnmendes fic #shawn mendes fic #peter raul

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tdatdroleplay · 3 years

Text

You’ve Got Explaining to do, Mr. Wilder

Including @HisTeenDream @RookByTheBook @lnMyWilderDays

Lux: [She finished getting ready, giving herself a once over before grabbing her purse, locking the front door and then heading out to the car. Getting into the car, she headed toward the hospital. She was eager to see her dad, but she wasn’t sure she could keep the break in from him. The drive to the hospital, she spent thinking about Hank, about her father, about the whole cello playing dreams she’d had. When she parked in the hospital garage, she grabbed the bag from the backseat and headed inside the hospital. Her father had his own room, and she was happy about that. She got to the elevator and rode up to his floor. Stepping out of the elevator, she kept the bag on her arm as she walked to her father’s room. Tapping lightly on the door, she pushed it open and saw her father sitting up in his bed.] Hey, daddy. [She walked in and bent down, giving him a kiss on the cheek.] How you feeling? I brought you some stuff. [She set the bag down and started to pull out a few things. She smiled as she looked over at her dad.] I brought you a razor cause, no offense, daddy, but you’re looking pretty scruffy. Some shaving cream. I brought you a few snacks, some of your favorites if you’re up to eating them. [She looked back at him as he started talking. “Lux, sit down, honey. You don’t need to come in here like one of those nurses.” She smiled.] I don’t mind taking care of you, daddy. She finally gave her father his way after a series of stern looks from him and sat down.] You never answered me. How are you feeling? [She wet her lips, still looking over at the bag she’d brought. She really wanted her dad to eat something. But she knew his stomach was usually upset after his treatments. With her dad no doubt exaggerating and telling her he felt just fine, they talked a little more about things. Of course he asked if she’d found a job yet. And of course, her answer was no. Though he didn’t seem too perturbed by it. They just chatted about everyday stuff, and she tried to build up the courage to tell him about the break in. She raised a brow at her dad as he told her about all sorts of different people in the hospital, but not himself. She sighed.] What did the doctor say, daddy? [She listened to him beat around the bush, saying he hadn’t seen the doctor today.] That’s...well, I don’t believe that, dad. I know how you hide things. Like I /know/ that you knew about your diagnosis /months/ before you told me. But it was my last semester and you knew I was close to graduation. So you put off telling me. I understand why you did it, but you should’ve told me. You just wanted me to finish school.

Eric: [He sucked in a deep breath. As deep as he could given the condition of his lungs.] Lux...I haven’t seen the doctor today. That’s no lie. Haven’t seen him since my last treatment. I’m not lying to you. Or hiding things. And I don’t know how you found out, but you’re right. I did. I found out a few months before your graduation, but I wanted that for you. I wanted you to finish, to live your dreams. I hated telling you when I did. It put a damper on your graduation, on that celebration. But I knew I needed to.

Lux: [She sighed at her dad and then nodded.] I understand, daddy. I just worry about you. You’ve gotta tell me stuff. You’ve got to keep me updated, daddy, so that I can help make the right decisions. [She heard her phone go off and she dug it out of her purse, seeing Hank’s text. “Can’t wait to see you. I’ll take one of those Chalupa burgers from Bigz Burger Joint.” She looked up at her dad.] Daddy, you hungry? Something from Bigz sound good? [She looked back down with a smile, ready to finish the reply before sending it to Hank.]

Eric: [He saw the way his little girl’s face lit up when she looked at her phone, and he raised a brow.] You getting delivery? [He pulled a face at the thought of food, but wanted to try for Lux.] I’ll just take some fries, honey. I know better than to make the mistake of eating a big meal right after a treatment. Wish I could have one of those jalapeno burgers. Or...the chili cheese fries with jalapenos on the side. But that wouldn’t be good for my stomach. [He gave his daughter a soft smile.]

Hank: [Getting the text from Lux, he went ahead and headed in the direction of the burger joint. He had to admit it was good to get that place. It was one of his favorites. He went ahead and called in the order so that he could pick it up and not have to wait for anything. In about fifteen minutes, he made it to the joint and texted Lux back. “Be there soon. Grabbing the food, babe.” He hit send, went inside, did a little small talk, paid and then headed back out of the place and into the squad car. The drive to the hospital wasn’t long at all and before he knew it, he was pulling up and parking. Perks of the car, he had a good spot. He grabbed the paper bag with the food and the plastic bag that had some sodas in them. After getting a visitor’s badge, he made his way up to the room where the front desk told him to go.]

Lux: [She shook her head.] Nope. You’re getting a visitor today, daddy. And no, I don’t wanna hear it. There’s a lot that I need to talk to you about, OK? I know you’re a private person and everything, but you have people who love you. And you aren’t alone in all this. The sooner you realize that...the better. [She stood up and leaned over her dad, giving the top of his head a kiss.]

Eric: [He lifted his brows and grumbled.] Lux, you know I don’t want any visitors while I’m here in the hospital. I thought I was clear when I said I wanted to keep this between us. And I…[He heard a knock at the door and sighed.] Well, I’m guessing it’s too late to argue now. But I do wanna know what exactly you need to talk to me about. We aren’t getting away from that topic no matter who walks through that door.

Hank: He waited for the door to open, he wasn’t gonna just walk in. Mr. Wilder could’ve been getting some meds or something and he was already a private man, he didn’t want to make him feel embarrassed. He smiled when Lux opened the door.] Hey there. I brought food. Hopefully this’ll ease the blow. [He winked at her and then waited for her to let him in the room.]

Lux: [She waved a dismissive hand at her dad and then smiled, getting up and heading for the door. Pulling it open, there was Hank. In his uniform looking all sorts of handsome.] Hey there, you. [She smiled softly at him.] You look handsome. [She stepped back to let Hank in to her father’s room.] Look who came to see you, daddy. It’s Hank Page. [She took hold of his hand.] Come on in. Sit down.

Eric: [He sat up a bit more and then looked toward the door when he saw Lux heading toward it. When the door opened, he saw a familiar face. And while he was glad to see Hank, he was...embarrassed wasn’t the right word really, but he just...well, he knew that Hank didn’t know about his cancer. And he hadn’t told him because he didn’t want him to think he was weak. He cleared his throat.] Well, hello there, Hank.

Hank: [He smiled at Lux and then handed her the bags, walking over, he had his hand out to shake Mr. Wilder’s.] Hey, Mr. Wilder. How’s it going? I was over at your place yesterday and imagine my surprise when I saw Luxie standing there. [His brows raised.] You didn’t tell me my homegirl was coming back home. [He chuckled as he sat down, motioning to the bags.] Brought you some fries. Hope you don’t mind me taking my lunch break here with you and Lux. Kinda wanna catch up.

Lux: [She took the bags from Hank, went ahead and started to get things set out, getting her father’s fries set out for him.] You want any ketchup, dad? [She looked over at Hank with an arched brow.] Homegirl? [She laughed, rolled her eyes, and shook her head.] You’ve gotta be joking me. [She wet her lips.] That’s what I was just getting ready to talk to you about. You know...why Hank ended up at the house yesterday.

Eric: [He shook Hank’s hand and then shrugged his shoulders.] Well, son, I’m assuming Lux already told you why I’m in here. Isn’t just pneumonia, kid. I’m...well, I’ve got cancer. [He let out a sigh.] No ketchup, sweetie. Just the fries are fine. Thank you, Hank. [He cleared his throat.] And yeah, I didn’t mention anything because if you knew why she was coming home, well, you would’ve ended up knowing about all of this. [He gestured to himself.] Though I’m not sure what a homegirl exactly is, I’ll say this…[His brows lifted when they were both talking about Hank ending up at the house.] Did you two finally decide to give the whole dating thing a go? Hank’s doing great, Lux. Moving up in the department. And Lux...well, this little...mishap with me isn’t going to be forever, and soon my baby’ll be in a beautiful gown, playing the most beautiful music in the world.

Hank: [He shook his head and then took the bacon burger with jalapenos from her. The fries going to Mr. Wilder. He couldn’t help but chuckle. He kind of just wanted to go ahead and give Mr. Wilder that news.] It’s a friend, Mr. Wilder. But…[He cleared his throat.] I think you’re right. And I’m pretty sure you knew that. [He chuckled.] But, I asked Luxie to have dinner with me tonight. So if you don’t mind, Mr. Wilder...I’d finally like to ask your permission to date your daughter. [He grinned as he looked over at her and nodded his head.] She’s gonna play for me too. I’ve got no doubt that her hands are capable of making incredible music.

Lux: Daddy…[She shook her head at her father talking about her and Hank finally dating, about her going off to play music. But then Hank surprised her by asking for her father’s permission to date her. She paused, looking at him with wide blue eyes before the smile broke across her face.] I know Hank’s a winner, daddy. You don’t have to convince me. [She took a bite of the burger, messy but delicious. After swallowing and wiping her mouth with a napkin, she looked from Hank to her dad.] I’ve put in an application with the San Antonio Symphony. But I haven’t heard anything back yet.

Eric: Shit, son, call me Eric. I’ve told you to call me Eric a thousand and one times over. [He chuckled and sat up a bit more, his hand coming over the side of the bed to slap Hank on the shoulder.] Of course you’ve got my permission. So long as you treat her right, like the princess she is. You hurt her, and...well, there’ll be hell to pay. [He looked over at Lux.] He’s a winner, but so are you, darling. You’re a beautiful woman, a smart, talented woman. And that symphony will be contacting you to come in and play for them. But...you know...I was thinking. I know a guy who knows a guy...who’s in big with the director and some folks on the board at the Dallas Symphony Orchestra. Now I know it’s hours away and all, but I could have him put in a word, pull some strings, and...boom, there you are in Dallas playing the big stage. What do you think of that?

Hank: [He chuckled and shook his head.] I couldn’t agree with you more, Mr...Eric. [He chuckled.] She’s been special to me since the first time I saw her in homeroom. [He grinned over at Lux and then lifted his brows as her dad started talking about the Dallas Orchestra. That was a huge opportunity.]

Lux: [She smiled at Hank and then moved her chair a little closer to his. She set the food down when her dad started talking about Dallas. She looked at Hank, wondering if he thought it was a good idea or not. Especially since she’d just moved back to San Antonio. Moving away to Dallas? She hoped that he wasn’t too keen on the idea, but she also knew he probably wouldn’t say anything. She shook her head.] Dad, don’t do that. I don’t want anyone pulling any strings. I want to get in on my own merit. But Dallas is a little out of the question. I don’t want to move to Dallas. It’s even farther away than Houston. I just got back here. Trying to get rid of me so soon?

Eric: Well, I’m glad you two kids finally decided to give it the old college try. [He smiled and then shook his head.] Lux, you would get in on your own merit. You’d have to audition. Honey, there’s no harm in getting your foot in the door. Tell her, Hank. [He shook his head.] I’m not trying to get rid of you, Lux. I just want you to...well, I just don’t want your life put on hold because of me. You need to go on and live life to the fullest. I’ll just give him a call and tell him to see if he can get you an audition.

Hank: [He cleared his throat and then wet his lips. He’d be lying if he said that he wouldn’t be seriously disappointed. She’d be gone. As quick as she came, she’d move away. He went ahead and set his sandwich down and looked over at Lux.] If it’s something you want, you should do it. You’d spend your life regretting not taking the chance for...one reason or another. [He cleared his throat.] And I didn’t mention before, but...you don’t have to worry about that, Eric. I’m not trying to treat her any other way.

Lux: [Her brow furrowed as she looked up at Hank. If it’s something she wanted, she should just do it? They’d just found each other again. And she knew why he was saying it. She knew that he was saying it because he wanted to be supportive, but she wanted him to fight for her to stay. And maybe he would’ve if they weren’t in front of her dad. Hearing her dad press the issue, she slapped her hands down against the chair she was sitting in, her voice raised a bit.] I said no, dad. [She felt extremely flustered.] I’m not gonna just take off when my father is…[She felt a little choked up and stood up.] Excuse me for a second. [She turned and headed out into the hall for just a few minutes. She just needed a little air.]

Eric: [He was giving Lux a triumphant look as Hank agreed that if she wanted something, she should go for it when Lux all but exploded. He sighed as his daughter excused herself from the room. He looked over at Hank.] She’s having a hard time. Coming to terms with...this. I’ve always been a strong man, someone she could always go to when she needed. And now...well, let’s be honest here, Hank. I’m dying. These treatments are just prolonging the inevitable. And then Lux is really going to be alone. An only child. Her mother passed away when she was just an infant. It’s always just been me and her. This is hard for her. [He sighed, looking at the closed door.]

Hank: Lux…[He sighed a bit as he wiped his hand on the napkin and looked at Eric. He wet his lips and shook his head.] Yeah...it’s going to be hard on her, Eric. You're her father. You’ve been all she’s ever had and to be honest, Eric...I’m a little upset that you didn’t tell me. I’ve been coming over for years and you know...you’ve always been there and when were you gonna tell me about all of this? [He had so many things he wanted to say.] She won’t be alone. She has me. And honestly, I don’t think it’s a good idea for her to go that far away. Not right now. I don’t wanna hold her back. Ever. But I don’t want her to just go away either. I think I need to go see if she’s alright.

Lux: [She leaned against the wall outside the room, tearing up. Everything was happening so fast with her dad. He was looking rough, and she just didn’t want to admit to herself that he might not be around this time next year. And the last thing she cared about right now was her damn cello. A nurse stopped, asking if she was alright.] Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you. [She sighed, her head tipped back against the wall. She knew she had to go back in there, but she didn’t want to burst into tears either.]

Eric: [He sighed.] It’s hard to admit, kid. It was hard to admit to myself that I was sick, that this disease is probably going to kill me. That I’m not going to get to walk my baby girl down the aisle and give her away. That I’ll never see her make it big. Hear her babies call me grandpa. And I just...it took me a few months to even tell Lux. You’ve become sort of like a son to me. Helping me. I knew I could count on you, that I could call you anytime. [He cleared his throat and nodded.] Go on. Go after her.

Hank: [He shook his head.] You don’t know...you’re one of the strongest men I know. You could beat this...just..let us help you. [He sighed.] We’ll be right back. [He turned and opened the door, he expected to have to go find her, but she was there, right outside the door. He pulled it closed and then stepped in front of her, pulling her into a hug.] Just take a deep breath.

Lux: [When the door opened, she saw Hank step out. When he pulled her into a hug, she put her arms around him, her forehead against his chest.] I...I almost said I’m not gonna take off while my father is dying. Dying, Hank. And then you...if I want it, I should go? You don’t want me to stay here? We just...reconnected and you’re just…[She sighed.] I know you’re just trying to be supportive. I just...I was hoping you’d say you didn’t want me to go. And I know dad’s just trying to be...dad. Pretend like nothing’s wrong, still trying to make sure my life’s settled.

Eric: [He sighed as Hank stood up and left the room to go and comfort Lux. He knew that he was just trying to be optimistic, but he wasn’t so sure that he’d be around for those milestones. And he was trying to accept it. He went ahead and finished his fries before leaning his head back on the pillow.]

Hank: We don’t know that he’s dying. He can still respond to treatments and…[He shook his head.] No...I don’t want you to go, Lux. I’ve wanted to be with you since I was a damn teenager, but if that’s your dream, what kind of person would I be to take that from you? Does that mean I’ll just pack your shit and send you to Dallas and say thanks for the other night? No...I wouldn’t. I would try to figure out how to make it work, but I do think you need to not...go too far from here right now. It’ll help him get stronger and because I’m selfish as hell.

Lux: He isn’t responding to them, Hank. He won’t tell me the truth. He keeps saying he hasn’t talked to the doctor. It’s shit. [She sniffed a bit and shook her head.] You’d be a person who wanted to keep me here with you. That’s the kind of person you’d be. Work...a job...that isn’t everything. At least it isn’t to me. I put myself and my dreams of playing cello professionally ahead of everything for a long time, and I wish I hadn’t. I wish I’d spent more time developing relationships. You wouldn’t be holding me back. You’d just be...holding me. Period. Maybe it’s stupid, but I don’t want to go. I know. One night and I’m clingy and sappy. And it’s stupid, but I just...Jesus, I need to just...take a step back. I’m really emotional right now. I’m all over the place. I just think...I should take things one step at a time. Dad’s just so hardheaded. He doesn’t listen. [She sighed, her cheek pressing back against Hank’s chest.] I’m sorry. This isn’t very much of a break, is it?

Hank: [He shook his head.] Hey...come on now. [He put his arm around her back, the other against the back of her head and kissed the top of it.] I am the person that wants you here. I am the person that’s holding you. It’s not stupid, Lux. Nothing you’re saying is even remotely stupid. And you listen to me. It’s one night that we slept together. It’s not one night for us. You and me have history. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to hold onto something. [He moved his hand beneath her chin, tilting it up.] I’m here with you. I’m gonna help with your dad, getting you what you need. Whatever that may be. It’s the way it was supposed to be, Luxie. And this is a good break. Sharing it with my girl and a man who’s been like a dad.

Lux: [She looked up at Hank with a soft smile.] I swear...I’ll pull it together. I’m not usually this...crazy. Because that’s how I feel. Just...out of my element. I guess all this is just hitting me at once. [She smiled at him and kept her hands against his sides, just above the bulky belt around his waist.] Thank you. You’ve always been there for me. And I can’t tell you how much it means to me. [She drew in a breath.] Now...let’s go back in there. You need to eat, and let’s enjoy the rest of your break before you have to leave and go back to work.

Eric: [He drummed his fingers against the little rails on the bed. He hoped that everything was alright. And he wished he could just get up out of the bed and go outside the room. He always felt weak after the treatments, but he was going to go ahead and try. Shoving the blankets off, he sat up and made to swing his legs over the side of the bed.]

Hank: [He smiled and shook his head.] You ain’t gotta thank me, slick. [He grinned and then took her hand and walked her to the door. Once they went in, his brows lifted.] Oh...you going somewhere? Cause...that’s probably not the best idea, you know? [He shook his head and then went back over to the chair.] You shouldn’t let those fries get cold either. They taste like grease when they’re cold.

Lux: [She took hold of Hank’s hand and then when he opened the door, she saw her father trying to get out of bed. She rushed over to him.] Dad, you can’t get up. Just rest. [She pulled the blankets back up over his legs once he’d settled back. She turned and looked at Hank.] See what I’m dealing with here? This man is so stubborn. [She gave her dad a smile.] You feeling OK?

Eric: [He looked up just as one foot touched the ground, the door opening and Hank and Lux walking back inside.] Busted I guess. You two were taking awhile and I got a little worried. So I thought I’d come looking for you. [He huffed out a breath.] I’m not an invalid, Lux. [He got himself back into the bed.] I’m feeling just fine. I’ve eaten almost all those fries. Which is better than I thought I’d do. So how’s the SWAT thing coming? And...you two never told me why Hank was over at the house.

Hank: [He chuckled and shook his head.] Good word choice for a cop coming in the room. [He reached forward, grabbing his burger and taking a big bite. After wiping his mouth, he shook his head.] You could get someone to come in after your treatments. At least that way you’d be home and not stuck in the hospital. It’s an option. [He nodded.] It’s coming I guess. Did the psych eval. Waiting on my last two tests before I get the word if I can head back to the academy. [He shook his head.] Before you get all up in arms, I took care of it.

Lux: [She sat down next to Hank once her father was settled back in the bed.] I know why you stay in the hospital after your treatments, dad. It’s because you don’t want me seeing you sick. But Hank’s right. You could come home. And I can help you. We could hire a caretaker for the times I absolutely can’t. If I got a job…[She saw her dad’s look.] /when/ I get a job. [She heard Hank preface the story with his own statement. She sighed.] When I got home from the hospital yesterday evening, the house had been broken into. A lot’s missing. Televisions, computers, your medications, your gun. Hank was the responding officer and he helped me with everything, including patching up the window until I can get it replaced. I called a few people this morning about estimates and having them come take a look at it. Everything’s fine, daddy.

Eric: [He shook his head.] I’m just fine staying in here for a few days. It’s only a few days. And Lux, you know I love you, and I know you can take good care of me, but honey, that’s not what I want. I want you to focus on more positive things. [His brows rose when they started talking about a break in at the house.] Lux...you…[He looked over at Hank.] Tell me everything. I want to know how they got in. I want to know what you’re going to do about it. Did you stay with her? Did you let her stay in that house alone? Lux, you should’ve called me immediately. You should’ve come straight back here.

Hank: [He shook his head.] I got there not long after the call came in. She was waiting outside, she didn’t go in to check things out. I went in, went through the whole house and called in the guys to come collect evidence. And no, I absolutely didn’t let her stay there alone. I took her with me to the police station, filed the report on your gun and the rest of the things that were stolen. I took her back home and fixed the window for now and we got things straightened up. I left a little before she did, but then she came right here. It looks like they came in the back window. Just a smash and grab. Doesn’t seem to be any other motivation. But to be safe, Lux is going to stay with me tonight.

Lux: We did all the right things. Hank didn’t leave me alone. And we cleaned everything up, and we’ve already made plans for tonight. You don’t have to worry about me. Hank’s gonna keep me safe. But he’s right. They just wanted to steal things and sell them for a quick buck no doubt. But we’re gonna get the window fixed, and everything’s going to be OK. It isn’t something you even need to worry about. And I’m sure that if at all possible, Hank’ll check around and see if they tried to fence any of our stuff.

Eric: [He was relieved to hear that Lux had been smart and waited outside for the police to arrive. He nodded as Hank spoke about the collection of evidence, glad that he hadn’t left her there alone. He knew that Hank had always been a little sweet on his daughter. And normally, as a father, he wouldn’t have been thrilled with his baby girl sleeping over at a man’s house, but he didn’t want her staying at the house by herself.] I don’t care about the stuff. I’m just glad that you’re ok.

Hank: I’ll make sure she’s taken care of, Eric. And whatever else needs to be fixed in the house. I know where everything is and I have my own set of tools so there’s nothing to worry about. Plus, it’ll give me something to take my mind off waiting for those results to come back. [He gave her father and her a smile.] If you don’t mind me bringing the pup over to the house, I’ll stay around your place and work on it for a few days.

Lux: [She shook her head.] I can take care of myself, boys. Not that I don’t want Hank around. I do. [She gave him a smile and then finished off her burger. She was seriously going to do a whole lot more than have him fix things to keep his mind off those results. And that thought alone had her looking down at her hands with a soft smile.] And dad’s gonna be coming home in what? Another day or so?

Eric: I know you will. You’ve always had my baby girl’s best interests at heart. And you know that I don’t mind you coming over, working at the house, bringing your dog. All of that’s fine. Just don’t spend all your time working. Either one of you. Life’s short. And you never know when your last day is. So...you have to make it count. You two remember that. [He nodded his head.] Yeah, should be home in a few days.

Hank: [He nodded his head and smiled when Eric said it would be alright to bring the dog and work at the house.] I’ll make sure to have everything ready by the time you get home from this treatment, Eric. We’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again either. [He’d make sure Lux had an alarm system installed at the house too.]

Lux: [She listened to Hank and her father talk about the things that needed fixed around the house, about preventing another break in. And she was listening, just sitting there, smiling as he talked to her father. It was clear he was really comfortable with her dad. And her dad seemed comfortable with Hank. They liked each other. They were close, and she wished she’d been around to see them both more.]

Eric: [He nodded as he spoke about making sure it didn’t happen again.] Definitely. Whatever needs to be done? You do it. I’ll foot the bill. But you make sure that it’s top of the line. We can talk more about it once I get home. [He leaned back against his pillow, feeling a little tired.]

Hank: [He wasn’t going to let anyone foot anything. Not with the medical bills they were going to be racking up, not to mention if he couldn’t make it, the last thing he wanted was for Lux to feel the pressure from all of that. He cleared his throat.] We’ll get it worked out, sir. And when you’re home, if there’s something else you want done, you call me first. [He looked over at Lux and reached for her hand to give it a squeeze.]

Lux: [She felt Hank reach for her hand and then she felt him squeeze her hand. She smiled and then laced her fingers with his. She looked back at her dad, seeing him rest his head against the pillow.] I think you should get some rest. I’m sure Hank’s gotta get back to work. I’m gonna walk him down to his car, then I’ll come back up and sit with you some more, OK? [She stood up, keeping hold of Hank’s hand.]

Eric: [He had his eyes open despite the lids feeling pretty heavy. He nodded his head.] Of course. You’re my first call, son. [He blew out a breath. His chest felt a lot lighter now that he wasn’t trying to keep this from his daughter or from Hank. He didn’t have a whole lot of friends, not close ones anyway. And his brother in Florida knew. So that was all the people he was close to. He nodded.] Thanks for coming by, Hank. Be safe out there. And you and Lux have fun tonight. [He lifted his hand to shake Hank’s.] See you in a few minutes, sweetheart.

Hank: [He reached forward, shaking Eric’s hand and giving him a smile.] Just a phone call away if you need me. [He wet his lips.] Get some rest, don’t give the nurses too hard of a time. [He chuckled softly and then kept Lux’s hand in his as he walked out of the hospital room with her and shook his head.] How often is he coming in for the treatments? [He walked with her toward the elevator.]

Lux: [She kissed the top of her dad’s head and then left the room with Hank. Getting to the elevator, she blew out a breath.] He comes in every three weeks. At first, he was doing treatments once a month, but his doctor changed some of the drugs or...doses or something and now he comes in every three weeks. They’re pretty intense treatments I think. But...I’m just glad he’s taking them. And not just giving up the fight. [She stepped into the elevator with him.]

Eric: [He chuckled and then shook his head.] I won’t. You guys be good. [He watched Lux and Hank leave the room and he leaned his head back again. He closed his eyes and let himself rest. He felt better that Hank was now spending time with Lux, that she wasn’t alone. And she wouldn’t be alone if he couldn’t beat this.]

Hank: That’s important. I know he wants more out of life and we just gotta help him get there, Lux. It’s a rough road, but just because this treatment isn’t working..doesn’t mean something else wouldn’t work. They’re always coming up with new things. Better medicine. [He smiled down at her.] Just keep your head up. We’ll get this worked out, alright? You gonna be ready for tonight?

Lux: [She reached up, giving him a hug, only them in the elevator as they rode down to the ground floor.] I know. Sometimes it’s hard to keep that hope, but I know we can help each other out with that. [She stepped out of the elevator with him and headed toward the exit.] Yeah, I’m really excited. I’m going to spend just a few more hours here with dad, and then I’m going to head home and start getting ready. What time are you coming to pick me up?

Hank: I’ll be there by seven. I need to head home, shower and that and then come and get you. [He nodded his head.] That’s very true. But if things were easy, people wouldn’t understand the value of hard work. [He stopped at the door to the hospital and turned toward her.] If you need anything before I get there, call me, yeah? Make sure to get what you need for the night and I’ll do the same tomorrow. [He leaned in, tipping her chin up and pressing a kiss to her lips.]

Lux: [She smiled.] I’ll see you at seven. [She hooked her hand around the back of his neck when he bent down to kiss her.] I’ll be ready. And you know I’ll text you throughout the rest of the day even if you can’t answer. But if I need anything, I’ll call. [She smiled and then stepped back so that he could head to his car.]

Hank: [He smiled and nodded his head.] That’s good, darling. I’ll see you in a few hours. [He reluctantly let go of her hand and then stepped away, but not without looking back several times to see if she was still standing there. He just couldn’t help himself. It was almost the teenager in him that just wanted to make sure that cute girl was still looking in his direction. And the man in him thinking that /that/ was all his. Eventually, he got into the car and started it up to head back to the station.]

Lux: [She stood there at the door, just outside the hospital, watching Hank walk to his patrol car. She lifted a hand, smiling and waving at him as he backed out of the spot and then pulled away. She stood there for a few seconds before turning and heading back upstairs to her father’s room. He was asleep when she walked in. She sat down and looked out the window, planning the rest of her day out in her head.]

#TDATD RolePlay Writing Hank Lux Eric

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melkeyway · 4 years

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Rowvember Day 5: Exchange

Saints Row, Shaundi, Pierce, Gwen (Boss), Johnny Gat, GatBoss

On Ao3

(Sorry, this is really late! I went to a hockey game on Tuesday so I didn’t have time to write anything! Tbh I’m still kinda tired for it. lol)

Summary: I now pronounce you, Mr. and Mrs. Gat!

“I welcome y’all today to witness this beautiful…,” started an Elvis impersonator. Gwen quickly grew bored.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Gwen whispered as she held Johnny’s hands and looked up at him. She was finding it hard to keep her composure as drunk as she was.

Johnny merely smirked and rolled his eyes. Gwen had convinced him to wear a ‘normal’ pair of glasses. On the condition that he got to pick what dress she would wear. It did help that he was more agreeable when he had a few good beers under his belt. Gwen adjusted the top of her low-cut, extremely short purple dress he had picked out for her. Johnny himself had dressed simple with a tight, purple, button down shirt rolled up at his elbows with a pair of black pants.

“Did you really have to pick one of the skimpiest dresses I own?” Gwen groused.

“Easy access,” he started, “I plan to fuck you in the backseat of the car when we’re done here.”

“You realize Shaundi and Pierce drove with us?”

“They can find their own fucking rides back.”

“Does anyone have any objections? Speak now or foreva hold ya piece,” ‘Elvis’ asked unknowingly cutting into their conversation. Wow, they let anyone impersonate him these days.

The leader of the Saints and her second-in-command gave their lieutenants pointed looks. Shaundi rolled her eyes at them in response while Pierce merely shrugged. Not that they would have objected anyway.

“I’ll take that silence as a no,” Elvis droned on, “Y’all have rings?”

Johnny nodded at Shaundi, who produced the rings from her pocket. They were simple gold bands with their names carved inside them along with their wedding date.

“Yo, I can’t believe he trusted you with the rings and not me,” Pierce muttered to Shaundi when she returned to stand next time him. She merely laughed and shrugged her shoulders with a smile.

“Do y’all want to do vows or---”

“Vows,” they answered in unison.

“Right on!” the impersonator turned Johnny, “You slip the rng on yer fine little lady’s finger and say your vows. Then you do the same, Miss!”

“Gwen, you’re a crazy fucking bitch but I wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s no else that has my back like do. You’re my gangster bitch for life.” Johnny spilled the ring on her finger.

“Aww, Johnny! You’re so sweet!” Gwen laughed.

“I try.”

“It's my turn right? Hmm…,” she paused for dramatic effect, “Johnny, you’re my ride or die. You’re the only one that gets me in the fucked up world we live in. I love you, bitch.” Gwen said as she put the ring on his finger.

“What the fuck was that?” Pierce asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” Shaundi answered, “It's pretty romantic...For them at least.”

“Alllright! I now pronounce you husband and wife!” the impersonator exclaimed, “You may now kiss the lovely bride!”

“Fucking finally!” Johnny grinned and pulled Gwen in for a kiss. It didn’t have a chance to go beyond a simple kiss when…

“Get a fucking room!” Shaundi yelled.

“For once I agree with homegirl over here,” Pierce said, “Can we get back to partying now?”

Gwen flipped her off in response after they broke off the kiss. The two lieutenants didn’t bother to wait for a response and started to walk out the hall. The newly wed couple shook their heads and followed them out.

“Yo, baby?” Johnny asked.

“Yeah?”

“When do you wanna tell them we’ve already been married for a month?”

Gwen laughed.

#saints row #rowvember #johnny gat #gatboss #bossgat #shaundi #pierce #gwen #johnny/gwen

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kimarchive · 5 years

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When Saweetie landed a viral hit with her boss-up anthem “ICY GRL,” it was the product of unchecked confidence and limitless ambition. As a student at the University of Southern California, the Bay Area native already knew she could rap and used her Instagram account to prove it. Videos of Saweetie freestyling in the front seat of her car, along with a hyperactive SoundCloud page, eventually led to a record deal and her debut EP, High Maintenance. She flaunted her ability to weaponize words and spray them unsparingly at her exes and cynics on songs such as “B.A.N.” and “Good Good.” And even though her career is a product of the internet, the 26-year-old rapper, born Diamonté Harper, remains a student of hip hop’s pre-digital heyday. Her biggest hit, “My Type,” samples Petey Pablo’s “Freek-a-Leek,” and her most recent EP, this year’s ICY, is an old-school ode to getting the bag. Her respect for the history of the genre is why, when she spoke to her idol Lil’ Kim for the first time, she could barely contain herself.

LIL’ KIM: Hey, sexy girl! Where you at? SAWEETIE: I just flew from L.A. to San Diego. I have a show here tonight. Where you at? KIM: I’m in Jersey. So, first of all, how did you get so freaking dope? SAWEETIE: Oh my gosh. I’m sorry. I’m having a moment. I can’t believe it’s you. You sound just like your songs! KIM: I don’t think they saw you fucking coming. And I still don’t think they see you coming. You feel me? SAWEETIE: Yeah, I feel you. How did I get so dope? Writing has always been my thing, and a lot of people don’t know that entertaining is a whole other thing. That was never my strong suit. So I was looking at a bunch of performers, wondering what I could take from them and make my own. One thing I really love about you is that when you walk onstage, you might not be rapping and you might not be dancing, but just your presence—I’m like, “Damn.” That’s what I want to have onstage. KIM: If you take anything from me, you’re going to take this and you’re going to hold it in your hand and put it in your heart and lock it, because I don’t say shit I don’t mean. When I watched you perform at Summer Jam, you were my highlight. Even though you were out there for a short period of time, guess what? It was short and Saweetie. You captivated me. SAWEETIE: You’re giving me butterflies. My heart is beating so fast! My choreographer told me a story about you. I forget which award show it was, but Puff was talking to an artist, and the artist didn’t want to do something, and then you came in and you were like, “Oh, you don’t want to do it? I’ll do it, because our job as performers is to entertain.” I’d never thought about it that way. It’s not just about reciting the lyrics and doing the one-two step. The goal is to entertain. KIM: Girls go out there and they perform, but they may not captivate people. But when I watch you onstage, and look at your Instagram, I noticed that mama is a fashionista! Bitch, you be givin’ lewks. SAWEETIE: Every year I write down goals for myself, and I was like, “I really hope I find my Misa Hylton [Lil’ Kim’s stylist] this year, because I would love to have looks like Kim had.” You guys were a lethal combination, and, girl, maybe three months after that, I found my stylist. No matter where I go, I’m trying to put on a look like Kim. KIM: You remind me of me. One of the things that I love that you adopted into your routine is the whole girly cheerleader thing. It’s so sexy. And then you were doing this dance at one show, you were doing this little butt move, and it was the perfect butt move because it was something I would do. When you recorded “My Type,” did you like the beat right away? When Puffy brought me “No Time,” I hated that freakin’ record. SAWEETIE: Really? KIM: I hated it, girl. But he’s my big brother and I looked up to him so much that anything he told me to do, I did. And he was very protective of me. He always said, “Kim, you do better when I give you a record that you don’t like.” I guess I was trying to prove something to him. Were you super excited when you first heard the “My Type” beat? SAWEETIE: I was actually in the studio when they made it, because I was missing one more song off of my EP—I was missing a slap. We were about to sample something else, but I was like, “What is something from my childhood that I couldn’t get enough of?” And I remembered being 10 or 11 dancing to that Petey Pablo song. The sample gets me every time. KIM: You give the song a whole new life, the way you attacked it. You just went in on it because you loved it. Is it certified gold or platinum now? SAWEETIE: My first song, “ICY GRL,” is platinum and “My Type” is gold. KIM: How does that feel? SAWEETIE: It feels amazing. I feel like everything is just coming together, and the fact that I’m getting to interview with you, it just makes everything so surreal and dope. KIM: Interview published one of the biggest magazine photos for me, so they became like my extended family. We have this history. The girls you dance with onstage, are those your friends? SAWEETIE: One of them is my best friend, and the rest are her friends. It’s all homegirl vibes. KIM: That’s so dope. You can tell there’s a friendship there. Sometimes girls go onstage with dancers and you can tell they don’t know them. SAWEETIE: When you work on my team, I want everybody to feel at home. Music is my career, but dancing is their career, and I want their career to be as fun as mine. KIM: My best friend danced for me for years. I have a television show on VH1 called Girls Cruise, and she’s on it with me. Now she has her own clothing line at Neiman Marcus. She’s a boss bitch. What’s your sign, Saweetie? SAWEETIE: I’m a Cancer. Just like you. KIM: Oh my god, I can’t take it! SAWEETIE: Girl, let me tell you something. Every sign got hella celebrities aligned with them. So I was like, “Who’s a dope Cancer out there?” Girl, when I saw your name on the list, I was like, “Kim’s a Cancer and she’s a rapper, so I know I can be a rapper, too.” KIM: Who are your top-three dream collaborators? SAWEETIE: I’m a huge J. Cole fan. When I was trying to come up, I had no way of getting my music out there, so after one of his concerts, I waited by his tour bus and rapped for him. The second one would be Rihanna, because I grew up on her. For my third, well, this is what happened. When I was coming up, I noticed a lot of female rappers had lighter voices than mine. I have a deep voice when I rap. So I was listening to my music catalog, and I noticed that you also have a deep voice when you rap. I don’t know if I’d ever be able to collaborate with you, but I always wanted to sit in a studio with you just to see how you record. KIM: We could do something so dope, and it would be unexpected. So that’s done. I think you and Rihanna would be the sexiest combination. I just love that. But, girl, you already got me. You and I are gonna be hanging out. I can see it. I know these things. What’s your favorite makeup? SAWEETIE: Lip gloss. I’m actually coming out with my own lip gloss line, and I’m gonna send you all the colors. I basically took all of my favorite characteristics of lip glosses that I love, and combined them into one. KIM: You gotta give me one. No, wait, I’m going to buy one. If I had to pick two, it would be my lipstick and my eyebrows. My lashes would be my third thing. SAWEETIE: I’d be out here looking like a bald eagle without my lashes. I have two questions for you: What’s your favorite Lil’ Kim song, and what’s the best bar you’ve ever rapped? KIM: My favorite Lil’ Kim song by myself is “Qu— SAWEETIE: Wait! Wait! Wait! Are you about to say “Queen Bitch”? KIM: Yes! That’s my song! “Kill a nigga for my nigga by any means bitch! Murder scene bitch!” SAWEETIE: My favorite bar by any female ever is yours: “Tryin’ to impress me with your five G stones, I give you ten Gs, nigga, if ya leave me alone.” LIL KIM: I’m not gonna lie, Saweetie, I be forgetting shit. I have so many songs that I can’t even think of my favorite bars on the spot, but I love that one. SAWEETIE: How did “Queen Bitch” come about? LIL KIM: I have to give props to the King himself: Biggie was there with me every step of the way in the studio. He always loved Wu-Tang, and there was this beat that they had. I was his honey, so he was like, “My honey got to have a beat like this.” That was one of my favorite moments. SAWEETIE: Girl, you got too many, for real. I hope I have that one day. LIL KIM: My Saweetie, this was amazing for me. SAWEETIE: I’m sorry if I got a little too hype. LIL KIM: I’m gonna send you my info and you could send me yours and we’ll keep in touch. Enjoy your show tonight. Have fun and kill ’em, because I know you’re gonna kill ’em. I don’t know you, but I love you. SAWEETIE: I’ve loved you since I was 13.

#saweetie #lil' kiim #Lil Kim #interview #2019 #interview 2019 #lil kim 9 #interview magazine #blog

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themarchblessing · 6 years

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TRULY GOD’S PLAN

COREY

Finding a bench to sit down at I checked the time on my phone, happy to realize that Eva should be here soon. So she finally hit me back early this morning on some crack of dawn shit. I wanted to do a backflip off my balcony when I saw that she responded to my message from a few weeks back. Just sitting by, waiting around and constantly checking my inbox was terrifying. We agreed to meet up in Central Park close to where the birds gather daily.

Adjusting the brim of my scully around my ears I shoved my phone in my pocket and chose to watch the scenery. Bikers, walkers, cops on bikes, and random exercise groups were all out enjoying the weather. For it to be March it’s still kind of chilly in New York but it feels pretty good out today. Just admiring this view gets my brain going to reflect on my life and what’s been happening recently.

My trip to Miami was amazing. That was probably one of my favorite work trips ever. XXL treated me like royalty. The best hotel, a car to drive and all the works. I was surely impressed with their hospitality. The magazine is set to hit the shelves by the beginning of summer, the company’s words not mine. As the main photographer I should get a copy before the public does so I’m definitely keeping my fingers crossed on that one. Damn, I miss that hot ass sun already.

“Well if it isn’t one of most handsome men I know.” A voice said. I turned to my right seeing Eva walk closer to me. She’s looking so vibrant these days. Clearly whoever her new man is giving her some good pipe.

“You know I do my best to stay looking good. How you been mama?” Standing to greet her I accepted her want for a proper hug, rocking us from side to side a bit. “You smell good as hell. Don’t tell me you got all done up for a nigga?” I teased pulling back to watch her smirk at me.

“Shut up boy. I’m good, how are you? Where have you been at?” She kissed my cheek and motioned for us to sit.

“Man I’ve been working and staying black. That’s what I do best of all. What about you?” I glanced at her left hand seeing her trying to hide the ring she’s sporting. “I can see that. Tell me about it.” I encouraged, stretching my arm out behind her back.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and showcased the rock proudly. “It was the best day of my life. Without a doubt. I’m so happy Corey.” She smiled genuinely.

“Tell me about it! What’s been going on?” I reiterated, getting comfortable beside her. Eva and I caught up for lost time and walked around for a bit. The vibe between us never shied from peaceful. Which is exactly what I want and hoped for. I always do my best to keep that friendly, level of respect between my past hookups and I. Not for any funny reason but because I prefer it that way. I don’t like negative energy in my life. I had so much of it in the past but now I’m too old for that shit. I just need peace and happiness.

“So what did you ask me to meet you here for?” She said turning to me.

“Okay here it is. So my homegirl came back home last month with her son. I’ve been spending a lot of time with him but something is off. Do you recall seven years ago when I called you really late at night asking for a favor?” I started.

“Mmm..vaguely yes. Wait do you mean when you FaceTimed me and asked me help you get a nut off?” She chuckled.

Nodding in embarrassment I sat back against the bench.

“I remember now. Why are you asking me about that night?” Eva looked at me intently and I knew this moment would clear everything up.

“Well the favor I asked you for...I ended up doing something kind of crazy with it. Long story short, I got this feeling that the boy is mine but I don’t know why I can’t remember how it all happened. The whole night is mostly blurry except for me calling you.” I explained.

“Um well yeah I do recall you telling me to hold on after we were done. I couldn’t see much but you were so damn wasted Corey. I think I saw you holding a small cup with a label on it. Why were putting your sperm in there? Is that what your friend wanted?” She asked skeptically. I dropped my head in my hands feeling the entire night rush back to me clear as day. “Oh my god! I get it now. Oh goodness Corey. What the fuck did you do?!” She gasped, gripping my shoulder.

Blowing out a breath I stared at the sidewalk just thinking freely. “It all makes sense now. I altered her entire pregnancy, goddamn.” Shaking my head abruptly I stood up from the bench, pacing back and forth not knowing what to do with myself. “He’s my fucking kid. That’s my fucking kid Eva. Oh my god. This whole time. This whole time I’ve been overlooking the comments from strangers, my old man..Brian. I can’t believe I did this shit! Fuck!!” I yelled.

“Hey, hey come sit down. Breathe and relax.” Eva coached. She grabbed my hand forcing me to sit down and listen to what she’s telling me. “Breathe Corey. Just breathe.” Eva gave me time to myself. Everything that happened the night of Bri’s 30th birthday with the help of Eva has come back to me full circle. How could I have gone this long not knowing what I did? “Corey? How long have you been feeling like this?” Eva spoke to me softly as she continued to rub my back and provide me with true comfort.

“Since the second time I was in his presence. I picked up on how alike we are and pushed the comments from others to the back of my mind. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions you know? I hate that shit and with something like this you can never assume. But my gut was right. And now I don’t know how to tell her. I have to right?” Turning to Eva I searched her eyes not knowing where to go with this.

“I think you need to. I could never tell a man to keep a secret like this and as a woman, I wouldn’t want any man keeping anything like this from me. You always follow your gut Corey. Always. I’m sorry you realized this now instead of seven years ago. But think of it this way, you not figuring out that he’s your son back then gave you time to grow and prosper. You said work is going well and you’re in a good space in life so don’t blame yourself. You were drunk and horny and it was a long time ago. Everything is going to be okay as long you take responsibility and keep your cool.”

After I talked with Eva we parted ways and I came straight home. I need time to think about how I’m going to tell Bri about what I did.

“That’s my boy.” I said over and over again. I’m stuck. I don’t know how to think or move. Eva was right when she told me that I needed to follow my gut. Just thinking of every encounter with Zay and seeing how happy Sabrina was is all I can see for my future. I’ve seen Bri at her highest but the smile she has when she watches our son and I interact is the most beautiful thing in my eyes. I told y’all ever since I kissed her I’ve been all over the place.

And now that I’m beyond sure that I have a child I want to complete this puzzle. When I can find the right way to tell Sabrina I will.

Searching around my room for my phone I spotted the device hidden under the blanket on my bed. I need to call my dad. I need to get his opinion on this subject again but this time it’s me actually having some news to share with him. The line connected and I could faintly hear the sound of someone snoring.

“Corey? Why are you calling me at midnight son? What happened?” My dad rambled sounding like he was in the middle of getting a good night's rest.

“Pop, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I just really need to talk to you man..” throwing down face first on my bed I listened to my dad move around.

“Hassan, what’s going on? Why are you up? Did something happen to Corey..Liya?” And as if I didn’t feel any worse about myself I groaned in disappointment that I woke up my mama too.

“Nothing Carla, go back to bed. Corey and Liya are fine baby, go to sleep. Everything is okay.” My dad gave my mom some more reassurance that me and my sister were alright before I heard just him breathing. “Ok kid, what’s up?” He began.

Turning over on my back I slapped my hand down my face, hard. “He’s mine.” I muttered.

“Izaiah?” He rebutted strongly.

“Yes, I know for sure that Izaiah is my kid.” Nodding to my own truth I found a spot on my fan to look at and study. “I’m lost pop. I’m so damn lost and I don’t know where to start with telling Sabrina.”

“Corey, what do I always tell you? Keep your head in the game at all times. I know this news may be shocking for you and maybe even scary but I believe in you to do the right thing. And I know this might sound crazy as hell but I don’t think you should tell Sabrina right away.” The last words to come out of his mouth made my pull the phone away from my ear.

Did I just hear this man correctly? My father, the man who always gives me sound advice to follow is going against his normal.

“What the hell have you been smoking Hassan?” I asked sitting up straight. Letting my legs dangle off the side of the bed I glanced around wishing Lori and Izaiah we’re here right now.

My dad got a kick out of me addressing him by his first name. He gave himself a second to calm down before speaking again. “I know it sounds crazy not to tell her just yet. And I say that because you don’t know how she’s going to react. You confessing to your mistake from so long ago all of a sudden might seem a bit brash, crazy, and really fucking crazy.”

“I’m not doubting you on that. But I disagree with the first part. I have to tell her. I can’t look at that girl in the face everyday and lie to her! Do you understand how often I see this woman? Do you know how often I’m with Izaiah? I pick him up from school dad! Everyday it’s my face who he sees before he goes home to Sabrina. Mine. And Bri..” I had to take a minute to think. The reality of what my mornings, afternoons, and nights have become are swirling around my head. I’ve already put in time with this little boy. He’s already become so comfortable with me. I’ve even grown to a distinct level of comfort when I have him all to myself.

These feelings of warmth, protection, and a sliver of tenderness and likeness have taken over me. I always enjoy spending time with Izaiah. And now that I am more than sure that he’s mine, I’m overwhelmed with a whole new set of feelings.

“You love her. Whether it takes you the rest of your life to figure that out, I know you love Sabrina. You are someone’s father now, son. Just like I am yours and Liya’s. When I lost you for those three hours I wanted to lose my mind. I had never seen your mom more upset. Not so much with me but at the reality of the situation. I don’t want you to know what it feels like to have your child taken from you. Don’t get me wrong by any means when I say this. I love Sabrina too but she is the mother at the end of the day and woman tend to make decisions with their emotions a lot more than we do.” The explanation my old man is giving to me makes sense.

Nodding in agreement to his testimony I began to pace my room. “I hear what you saying and I understand all that. But how am I supposed to prove to her that I’m worthy enough to make up for a screw up like this? I drunkenly and stupidly altered Bri’s first pregnancy and then I FORGOT about it. What kind of man does that make me?”

“Well all do dumb shit when we’re fucked up Corey. The way you went about this whole ordeal is very unorthodox. It’s wrong as some would say but you weren't in the correct frame of mind that night. Son, please don’t sell yourself short. You know better than that.” He assured. Having my dad remind me that I’m human and that humans fuck up especially when they’re fucked up, is exactly what I needed to hear.

When I was talking to Eva earlier today in the park, a big part of me felt ashamed and embarrassed to reintroduce that night. To go over again aloud about how I hijacked Bri’s pregnancy made me feel sick inside.

“Thank you pop.” I sighed. Stopping in the doorway to my room I stared around my kitchen recalling the night I kissed Bri. The night that fucked up my head forever.

“Anytime son and congratulations. Take your time with this and keep your head up.” I let Hassan give me some more advice before calling it a night myself.

Today is also going down as an important day for me. Until I can find the courage to confess to Sabrina I think I need to sit on this. I want to make sure I’m fully aware of what I’m stepping into.

#the march blessing #short story

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uniquecreations · 6 years

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“Distant Love” Pt. 2

This was the weekend that Myron was coming into town with his folks and to say I was excited was an understatement. We have been going strong for over a year now, things were good (except for the usual couple arguments). Was I tired of the long distant relationship we had……? No, I wasn’t because it worked out for the best. He would be too far away for anyone to suspect anything and I was actually more focused on school at times. Whenever he would come down, that would be our time to spend together, one month he actually stayed a week instead of a weekend.

I got out of school early because of some stupid ass teacher meeting that was taking place. When I got off the bus, I was in the middle of the road talking to my homegirl when this car sped up and almost clipped us. I knew this car to well, the car that almost hit us was my pastor’s, Myron would use that car when they were in town. I looked at him and smiled even though I was mad at him.

“Sup Jay……Sup Ariel?” He said showing his teeth.

“You almost hit us, and you got the nerve to wanna smile in our face……. we should jump yo ass nigga.” Ariel said frowning.

“Yea right, yall ain't ready for that kinda trouble.” He said laughing, me and Ariel said our goodbyes to each other and I got in the car with Myron. “I missed you so much baby.”

“I missed you too bighead.” I said kissing him.

“Pops home?”

“Nah he just went to work, and my sister is with my mom this weekend.” I said smiling.

“Good, because I have been dying for some of you and I got to have it now.” He said licking his lips.

“Well, what you waiting on then.” I said laughing.

We made it inside and of course there was no food on the stove and had stuff everywhere, this is the kind of shit my sister does before she leaves. She would trash the damn house and leave and then I have to clean it up before my dad got home. Myron was acting like he couldn’t wait for me to clean up, he dragged me into my room and started pulling my clothes off. I couldn’t help but smile because I knew this was going to be a long day, but I was more than willing to go thru the journey.

Later that night, we went to a party on campus, we had to sneak off and go because my dad probably would have killed us if he found out. We partied the whole time we were there, I don’t know about Myron, but I enjoyed myself so much. We were in the car headed back to my house when I found out a side to Myron that I never knew.

“Why the fuck was you dancing with all those people at that lame ass party Jarvis?” He asked while he was driving.

“You were dancing to Myron, so don’t even go there, and it was your idea to go to the party.” I said looking at him. We turned to get onto the on-ramp of the interstate and I knew we were about to argue when I saw his lips twitch.

“That’s some disrespectful shit…… you up there dancing with random people while yo boyfriend in the same room.”

“Myron, you were watching me the whole time and I never danced on any dudes just some girls, or would you have rather I did it behind your back?” I said getting irritated by this conversation.

“How do I know you ain't doing shit behind my back? I’m not here but once a month, you could be doing anything.”

“I guess I could say the same about you and where is this coming from because you know me, and you know I would never do any shit like that to you.”

“I bet, but my boys told me not to trust someone who is that far away, I live in Chicago and you live in Louisiana.”

“So, after us being together for over a year now you wanna question my loyalty because of what yo punk ass friends had to say? Man, just shut the fuck up talking to me, because you sound really crazy right now.” I said looking him, the next thing that happened caught me completely off guard. He raised his hand and smack the hell out me in my fucking mouth. I was in a state of shock, hurt, anger, and embarrassment, I didn’t know should I hit his ass back and risk him running off the road or should I just wait until I got home.

I was still in a state of shock by the time I got home, I couldn’t believe this nigga put his hands on me. I got out the car and went inside saying nothing to him, I got undressed and took a shower. I couldn’t tell you how many times I cried that night because I would never have thought that Myron would do something like that.

The next day, I was laying in my bed staring at the ceiling when my dad walked in my room. I knew it was him because of that stinky ass cologne he always wore.

“I’m going to Arizona next month and I wanted to know if you wanted to go with me since your sister said she was going with your mom.” He said looking at me.

“Nah, you can go and spend time with your wife, I will stay here and make sure the house good.”

“You alright?”

“Yea I’m good, just got a headache.”

“Ok well take something for it and rest, oh and Myron just pulled up.”

“Tell him I’m not here, I don’t really feel like being bothered.”

“Ok, well I’m headed out to work, call me if you need something.” He said leaving out my room.

I laid in the bed thinking about everything and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He had the nerve to show up here after putting his fucking hands on me. I admit yea I still love him and yea I didn’t officially break up with him but right now I didn’t want to see him. I got up and went into the bathroom before going to the kitchen, the house was empty and that just the way I needed it right now. That didn’t last too long because while walking back to my room there was a knock on the door. Something in me was telling me not to open that door but I opened it anyway. Yea I shouldn’t have opened this door because Myron was standing there, eyes puffy, and staring a hole in my face.

“I’ve been calling you all night Jarvis, I’m sorry baby I promise, I don’t know what came over me and I let them niggas get in my head.” He said trying to touch me, but I backed away from him.

“Why are you here? Didn’t my dad tell you I was gone.” I said standing in the doorway.

“Yea he did but I know you and I know you were home because your window is open.”

“Yea, well I don’t have nothing to say to you so if you don’t mind……. Leave so I can be alone please.”

“No please just talk to me please.” He said coming in the house.

“Myron you put your fucking hands on me, I have nothing else to say to you. My own dad doesn’t fucking hit me and if you think I’m going to let that shit go then you must be out of your mind.”

“Jarvis, I said I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking baby like honestly.”

“I heard you when you said you were sorry but that doesn’t change the fact that you hit me.”

“What else you want me to say, you want me to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness?”

“No, I don’t want you to do anything, I just want you to get out.” He looked at me and the next thing I knew he charged me and hit me again. “Fuck man, you always got a smart-ass mouth, acting like a real bitch right now.” I don’t know what came over me but when I heard the word bitch something clicked in me.

I can’t tell you how long we were in there fighting, all I know is that I was on top of him throwing punch after punch. By the time we finished, we both had busted lips, scratch marks on our body, and bad headaches. When he left I knew in my heart that I would never see him again even if I wanted to. As fate would have it, I wasn’t done with him, for some strange and unknown reason I let him sweet talk me into staying with him.

The relationship between Myron and I went on for over a year after our first fight. We would alternate between fighting and loving each other, sometimes we would only take a break from fighting to have sex and went back to fighting again. My dad was asking me questions about us fighting ‘people’ every time we got together but little did he know we wasn’t fighting people we were fighting each other. He came down one weekend a month and of the 3 days he was down here we would get into it 2 of the 3 days.

After our second year together, the whole abusive shit was taken a toll on me. With us being together for that long, you would think that I would have walked away by now, but I was still holding on to hope. Hope that things would go back to when we were just friends and things were simple. Here I am in this abusive relationship with my very first boyfriend and I can’t seem to find a way out of it.

I was in the kitchen cooking one day when he called my phone, I ignored the first call, but he called again. I knew I was asking for a fight by not answering the call, but the good news was that I still had a week to prepare for it or, so I thought. I answered the second call with attitude in my voice.

“I’m trying to cook Myron what do you want?”

“Why you talking to me like that? Damn baby I thought we were over all that bullshit and we were going to try and make everything work.” He asked, and I rolled my eyes.

“Did we? Or did you say you was cutting all the bullshit and did you not just call me all kinda scandalous hoes and bitches and how ugly I am and how I should be lucky to have someone like you? Nigga miss me with all that make it work shit.” I said hanging up the phone, I walked to my room and put my phone on the charger. When I walked back into the kitchen, the door swung open and Myron was standing there with his face all frowned up. “Why are you just showing up and busting into my dad’s house like you live here and what are you doing here this early, I wasn’t expecting our next fight until next week.” I said walking further into the kitchen.

“I came early, but what was that bullshit you were talking on the phone and why the fuck did you hang up in my face?” He said walking towards me.

“Myron, look I am not trying to fight with you right now, I need to finish cooking.” I said with my back turned, I was in the middle of chopping an onion, but he wasn’t done.

“Jarvis, we need to talk about this and talk about it now.” He said with anger in his voice.

“I don’t have to listen to you, you are not my daddy and after today you may not even be my piece of shit ass man, so we can talk when I’m done.” He was quiet for a second and then I heard footsteps running towards me. I turned around just in time to get football tackled into the edge of the counter. The pain shot thru my back like crazy, I can’t even explain how bad it hurt.

I tried to block out the pain as much as I could, I grabbed him by his shirt and started punching the shit out him. Some kind of way he maneuvered around me and put me in a choke hold and I could feel the very life of me leaving my body. I had to think of a way to get out this hold because my punches weren’t doing it. I was close enough to the counter where I was chopping the onion and grabbed the knife. I swung the knife twice trying to stab his ass, but he dodged them, he wasn’t choking me as hard as he was before, and I was able to move my head more. I took the knife and put it in his shoulder blade and pushed down as far as I could. It was a pairing knife so it only when in about half an inch before he pushed me off and ran out the door.

I was still in the kitchen trying to catch my breath, once that was done, I began to clean up the trail of blood that Myron left on his way out the door. When that was done I clean up the kitchen, but my back was in serious pain. I went to lay across the bed and try to get some relief for my back but even that wasn’t helping. My phone started ringing and when I reached to get it I heard something pop in my back and that shit damn near brought me to my knees. I managed to get the phone to see it was Myron calling.

“Jarvis, I need to go to hospital, I’m about to pass out.”

“Not my problem, you should have left when I asked you too.”

“Jarvis please.” He said damn near begging, then something clicked, if I brought him to the hospital then I could be there to hear what he said happened to him.

“Ok fine, I’m coming out now.” I said struggling to get out the bed.

We made it to the hospital and they brought us straight to the back, I was sitting here nervous because I could possibly be going to jail. He wasn’t saying much, probably because of the meds they put him on. He would look at me from time to time and just turn his head, I didn’t feel bad one bit about anything because it was either him or me.

“Myron, we can’t keep this up, I think it’s best if we both just walk away now before one of us end up dead.” I said sitting on side of the bed.

“You stab me and then you wanna break up with me at the same time? I swear if you break up with me then I’m telling those doctors and those cops what really happened.” He said calling my bluff.

“Well if you do then you do, but as far as I’m concerned we both have bruises and wounds on us so you in for a fight but this time it’s with courts involved. Myron, I love you with everything in me, but I just can be with you anymore.”

“If you love me then why are you breaking up with me, I promise on my life that I’m not going to be with the bullshit no more and I promise that no matter what I will never put my hands on your no more unless we are having sex.” He said pleading his case, in normal circumstances it would have worked but I’m looking at the bigger picture.

“I hear ya and under normal circumstances I would have considered it but look at us……. You are laying up in a hospital bed with a stab wound and I’m pretty sure my back is fucked up. So, no I can’t continue this, maybe we can restore our friendship but even that’s questionable at the moment.”

“Ok fine have your way, I hope you have fun in jail……… Nurse!!!!!” He yelled out, but before he could finish, I took my finger and put it in the knife wound causing him to scream out in pain.

“Walk away with some dignity Myron, I’m not playing this game with you anymore, just let it die and if you have any ounce of decency……... you would let this relationship go.” I said removing my finger out the hole.

“How am I supposed to just leave or let it go like that when for the last 2 years you have been my life.”

“And I have been the person you have hit repeatedly on several occasions, Myron this relationship is toxic and we both don’t need that, what if I promise to not mention any of this to anyone and to have sex with you before you leave tomorrow. Can you just let this go?”

“I guess Jarvis but that’s not what I want, I want, and I need you in my life and if you promise to not just turn your back on me then I would let the relationship go.” He said with tears streaming down his face.

“Deal, but I need to go get my back looked at and you promised me that everything remains with us, so I expect you to be a man of your word.”

“I promise, I will come check on you whenever I’m done here.”

We ended up spending the night in the hospital, he had to go thru a blood transfusion and I had to see a bone and joint doctor. I had some deeply bruised tissue and some torn ligaments in my back, I still deal with that to this day. Myron and I split ways and didn’t each other for a few years after our last encounter, but we did talk every once in a while. I would always remember the moments we shared good and bad. In a lot of ways Myron taught me the ins and outs of being in a relationship. Did I expect my first relationship with a guy to turn out to be an abusive relationship…… hell no. The last time I talked to him, he told me that he had gotten married and have some beautiful kids with his wife and I couldn’t be any happier for him. That’s was horrible to go thru at such a young age and I hope no one ever have to experience that ever in their life.

©unique creations 2018

#bxb #nonfiction #gay #unique creations #short story #lgbt #distant love #part 2

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morrisondauthor · 7 years

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“The Most Complicated Situation”

My homegirl Michele always tagged along with me to gay clubs and made me go with her to other clubs and parties all the time because she hated it when dudes who weren’t her type would hit on her. Whenever we were together in a place with straight guys, dudes automatically assumed she was with me and rarely approached us to talk to her. The one damn weekend that I was out of town and couldn’t be with her, she ended up meeting Ivan at a club. It wasn’t that I was picky about who got to date my best friend, I just wished she would’ve started talking to someone other than Ivan Campbell. I knew him. No, he wasn’t some player that I’d heard about. I knew Ivan because me and him used to fuck.

He told me that he was bisexual when we first met over a year ago. He also told me that he was equally attracted to men and women. However, I never in a million years would have thought he’d end up talking to my best friend. She talked about him nonstop, too. I knew when Michele really liked a guy and I could tell by the way she talked about Ivan that she was ready to give him some. I was completely torn. Yeah, my loyalty was with her but Ivan was closeted. I couldn’t just out him like that. The fact that he was pretending not to be bothered by it was making me feel some type of way. I had to say something to him.

“I knew you’d come by here one day,” he said to me as I stood in his apartment doorway. “What’s good, Taj?”

“We need to talk,” I said as I barged my way inside his apartment.

“Yo, I didn’t invite you in.”

“I don’t give a fuck. Ivan, I was gonna sit back and not say shit but Michele keeps talking about you and it seems like it’s getting serious.”

He closed the door and told me, “That’s because it is. I really like her.”

“Okay, so you’re going to tell her you’re bisexual”

“What? Hell nah I’m not gonna tell her that. Nobody needs to know that.”

“Ivan, that’s my best friend.”

“So?”

“Just last year me and you were fucking. Nah, we weren’t just fucking; we were exclusively fucking.”

“What does that have to do with me and Michele?”

“Nigga, are you serious? I know my friend and she would want to know if the man she’s involved with is bisexual. She deserves to know the truth.”

Me (Tajir “Taj” Jackson)

“So, just because I’m bi that means I’m gonna cheat on her with random niggas? I guess you’re forgetting that I got tested with you so we could fuck without condoms. You were the only person I fucked for eight months. I don’t cheat. I’m not that kind of dude and you know it.”

“First of all, I was protecting myself. I never have unprotected sex with someone who hasn’t been recently tested. Second of all, me and you had already been fucking with condoms for over a month before that point. Third of all, this has nothing to do with me thinking you’d cheat on her. She has a right to know you’re bi.”

“No, she doesn’t.”

“You’re really going to make me have to tell her, aren’t you?”

“Man, what the fuck is this really about? Huh? You must be big mad because it didn’t work out between us.”

I laughed out loud and exclaimed, “Nigga, please! I was the one who stopped talking to you. The shit we had going wasn’t even that deep. Yeah, we hung out at the mall sometimes and worked out together at the gym but let’s be honest here; it was always about the sex. We’re both vers and love seeing who can fuck the hardest and who can take dick the longest before tapping out. We were friends with benefits and when I realized I wanted more, I walked away from it.”

He stood there looking at me for the longest before saying, “Bruh, it’s time for you to go.”

“I thought I was big mad, though?”

“Get the fuck out my apartment, nigga!”

“No! Either you’re going to tell Michele or I am. I’m not gonna keep lying to my friend for your ass.”

“You want me to come out as bisexual to clear your conscience?”

“I’m not asking you to tell everyone you’re bisexual. I’m telling you to be honest with Michele.”

“Telling me?”

“Yes! I’m not gonna let this go on longer than it has to. She doesn’t have to know me and you fucked last year. I just want her to know that you’re bisexual. If I have to tell her, then I will tell her about us.”

“Yeah, because you’re jealous.”

Ivan Campbell

“No, because I don’t want my friend with a fucking liar! Is that the kind of man you want to be?”

“I’m not lying to her. She doesn’t need to know about us and definitely doesn’t need to know I’m bi. When me and her start having sex, I’m only going to be with her. You know that.”

I shook my head and smiled as I approached him and asked, “Is that right?”

“Yes. I don’t fuck around like that.”

“So, if some dude that you find attractive hits on you, you’ll just ignore him?”

“Yeah.”

I got closer to him and looked him up and down as I asked, “Even if he’s your type?”

“I wouldn’t do that Michele and you know it.”

“Okay. What about if it’s a dude you’ve fucked with already? One that knows how much you like to get freaky after the gym.” I got so close up on him that our bodies touched and asked, “You still like getting freaky when you’re sweaty and funky after the gym, don’t you?”

“What are you doing?”

I grabbed the zipper on his sweatshirt and pulled it down, exposing his shirtless body underneath. I smiled and asked, “You just returned from the gym, didn’t you? I bet you could use some good head and a rim job right about now, huh? I bet them balls and that ass taste good as fuck right about now.” I looked down and when I saw how hard his dick was in his sweatpants, I shouted, “I knew it! I fucking knew it!”

He pushed me and shouted, “Get off of me!”

“Nope, don’t even try that shit. Your dick is hard!” I pointed to the noticeable boner in his sweatpants.

“That don’t mean shit! Don’t even flatter yourself. I don’t want you.”

“And I don’t want you. All I want is for you to be honest with Michele. You have until tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“Yes.”

“She won’t believe you.”

“She will after I show her all of our text messages, including the many dick and ass pics we sent each other over our eight-month sex-only relationship.”

“Fuck you, Tajir. I mean that.” He stepped over to his door and opened it before telling me, “Get the fuck out, now!”

Without saying anything else to him, I left his apartment. As I drove home, I tried to imagine how Michele would react to me telling her that I used to have a thing with Ivan. She’d said on many occasions that she never wanted to be in a relationship with a guy who was on the downlow, but I knew if Ivan was honest with her and told her that he’s bisexual she might give him a chance. I had nothing against them being together because I didn’t have feelings for him like that, but I didn’t want my friend with someone who would keep something that serious from her. I really didn’t want to out Ivan but he was putting me in a difficult position and as I’ve said, my loyalty will always be with my friend.

“That pizza was good,” Michele said to me later that night in her apartment. “Thanks for coming over with it, Taj.”

Michele Gordon

“I owed you,” I said back before taking a sip from my wine. “You paid for the movie we went to see last weekend. So, what else you got planned for tonight?”

“Nothing. You know there’s usually nothing going on during the week.”

“True. How’s everything with Ivan?”

“Taj, that man is damn near perfect. He calls me just to see how my day went and texts me goodnight and good morning every night and morning. I think I’m gonna take it to the next level with him this weekend.”

“You’re gonna give him some?”

“He’s been hinting at it and we’ve already been talking about what we like and don’t like sexually. I honestly think we’re ready for it.” Her phone vibrated and she quickly picked it up. Her eyes lit up as she said, “Ooh, it’s a text from Ivan. Let me see what my boo thang wants.” She read the text and then looked at me and said, “Taj, you gotta go.”

“Why?”

“Ivan is on his way over. I need to go wash my face and put my hair up and…”

“Michele, we need to talk.”

“What? Boy, we’ve already been talking tonight. Thanks for the pizza but you gotta go, baby boy.”

“No, I can’t. I really need to talk to you.”

“About what? Taj, what’s going on?”

“I think it would be best to wait until Ivan gets here.”

“Okay, what does he have to do with anything concerning you?”

“It’s very complicated and after you learn everything, I don’t know if you’ll want to be my friend anymore.”

“Now you’re scaring me.”

“I don’t mean to. I really don’t, Michele. Just know that I’m very, very sorry and I am and always will be your best friend.”

She sat there and looked at me for the longest as we waited for Ivan to arrive. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was extremely stressed during that fifteen-minute wait. When Ivan got there, Michele went to the door and let him in. He stepped inside and when he noticed me sitting on the sofa, he turned back to Michele and asked, “What’s going on?”

“Taj told me he has something to tell me,” she explained. “And that it has something to do with you.”

I stood up and pleaded, “Ivan, do the right thing. Just tell her.”

“Tell me what?”

“Nothing,” Ivan said to her. He then looked at me and said, “Man, you need to leave. You already tried this shit at my apartment.”

“Tried what at your apartment?” Michele asked.

Realizing what path he was about to go down, I went ahead and confessed, “Last year for eight months, me and Ivan had an exclusive friends with benefits relationship. I have been wanting to tell you since you and him met, but I was torn between outing him as bisexual and being loyal to you. Michele, I am sorry. This isn’t how I wanted it to go.”

“Yeah, right,” Ivan snapped. “Your punk ass wanted it to go down like this because you still want me!”

I rolled my eyes and told him, “I actually think you two would look great together. I wanted you to be real with her as proof that you took her feeling seriously. Ivan, this had nothing to do with my nonexistent feelings for you.”

“You two had sex?” Michele asked, looking back and forth at us. “Like, y’all were boyfriends?”

“No,” I quickly replied. “We weren’t boyfriends. We just had a sexual agreement. There were no feelings attached. Well, at least on my part.”

“You are so wrong for this shit, man,” Ivan said while shaking his head.

“No, I am not! All you had to do was tell her. If she wanted to break it off with you because of it, then fine. But you owed her the damn truth, Ivan!”

“That’s right,” Michele said. “You should’ve just told me. You’ve been honest with me about so much, but you hide this? Ivan, I don’t care if you’re bisexual.”

When she said that, he looked at her and asked, “You don’t?”

“No. I’m not one of those women who can’t be with a bisexual man or who believes there’s no such thing as bisexual men. I know that it’s possible to be attracted to men and women and I have no problem with that. What I have a problem with is you being with my friend.”

“What?” I asked. “Michele, it wasn’t anything serious. It honestly was just eight months of friends with benefits.”

“I believe you and I believe that it was without strings on your part, Taj.” She looked back at Ivan and said, “I just don’t believe it was for you. The moment Taj said he didn’t have feelings for you, you put your head down. I saw it. I noticed the change in your demeanor.”

“But baby…”

“No, Ivan. I think you’re one of the best guys I’ve ever dated but I can’t be with someone who may have feelings for my best friend. It wouldn’t feel right and I’ll always have to wonder what if.”

“You can trust me,” I told her. “Nothing will ever happen between me and Ivan again.”

“I don’t think there’s anything either of you could say to change my mind. I’m sorry.” She stepped over to Ivan and hugged him before saying, “I wish you the best. I hope we can still be friends.”

“Yeah, me too,” he said back. After their hug, he looked at me and said, “I hope you’re happy.”

“This didn’t have to happen,” I said back.

“Yeah, whatever. I’m out of here.” He turned to the door and left the apartment.

I stepped over to her and offered, “I’m really sorry about this, Michele. I should’ve said something when you first told me about him. I honestly thought he’d tell you at least that he was bi.”

“I feel like I dodged a bullet.”

“You know he wouldn’t have ever cheated on you, right?”

“I know that. But I also know he’s not over you. I could see it in his eyes.”

I laughed and said, “No, that’s not what it is.”

“Tajir, I’m serious. The way he was looking at you and the tone of his voice when he’s talking to you, it’s all there. Ivan has feelings for you.”

I thought she was crazy so I just laughed it off. After apologizing to her a few more times and making plans to hang out that weekend, I left her apartment. When I got downstairs to my car and saw Ivan standing by it, I said, “If you’re planning on hitting me, at least let me take off my shoes because I paid a good grip for them.”

He laughed and told me, “I’m not gonna hit you.”

“Then why are you still here?”

“Because she saw right through me, man. Michele saw right through me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Look, I wouldn’t have cheated on her because as you know I’m not a cheater. But Michele got it right when she said I have feelings for you. Taj, what we had was based on sex but when you told me you wanted to stop, it did kinda hurt me.”

“It did?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I have a hard time telling people what I want. I really like Michele, but I do still like you. You said you wanted more and in my head, I told myself I could be more for you. But I didn’t say it. I know I should’ve but I didn’t.”

“Ivan, this has become even more complicated because you’ve been dating my best friend.”

“So, there’s really no chance that me and you can start something?”

“Something like what? Ivan, you’re closeted and I’m not.”

“And you’re not willing to work with me on that? I mean; damn, do you not believe in signs? I had no idea Michele was your best friend and I ended up talking to her. Now, me and you are here in this very moment. This isn’t a coincidence.”

“Ivan, I don’t know. I’m not really into dating closeted bisexual guys. I like to go out on dates, not stay behind closed doors twenty-four/seven.”

“Well, I’m not going to be coming out as bisexual to everyone tomorrow but I can give you my word that I’ll work on it. But I bet that’s not good enough, huh?” He shook his head and leaned against my car before asking, “How about we go out to eat tomorrow night?”

“Are you serious?”

“I’m very serious. I already know what you like sexually and you already know what I like. So, we can talk about other stuff tomorrow.”

“I’d have to talk to Michele to make sure she’d be cool with it, but I don’t see any harm in it.” I smiled and shook my head before asking, “All of this isn’t because I made your dick get hard earlier, is it?”

He laughed and admitted, “You made me horny when you said all that shit about licking my balls and my ass, but it’s not only because of that. I’m mad that it didn’t work out for me and Michele, but I do think it could work out between me and you. So, meet me at the China Express on Calvert Street tomorrow at eight. I’m buying.”

“I’ll see what Michele says. If she feels some type of way about it then I won’t be there.”

He stopped leaning on my car and stepped up to me as he said with a smile on his face, “You’ll be there.” He licked his lips and looked me up and down before heading over to his car and leaving.

I rolled my eyes and laughed as I finally admitted to myself, “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.

#D.A. Morrison #short story #drama #dating #romance #love triangle #complicated #bisexuality #Bisexual #closeted #black lgbt #lgbt fiction #semi-non fiction

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rosyredlipstick · 6 years

Text

gift wrap optional (1/1)

It's December 23rd. It's December 23rd, and Will Solace is just realizing this fact. Will hasn't done any Christmas shopping, Nico's just looking for an excuse to quit his crappy sales clerk job, and there are worst ways to meet during the holidays.

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i wrote this for tumblr user @xthis-rebelle for the @pjosecretsanta2k17, hope you enjoy your gift!! happy holidays! shoutout to my homegirl tumblr user @rinarraven for beta reading, cheerleading me through the writing process, and taking my drarry fic recs seriously i have a lot of emotions over them ok

“I need your help.” Never before had a sentence been so utterly true to Will Solace as the one he uttered then. He suspected it never would be so true ever again in his life.

The clerk at the help desk only sighed greatly, leaned forward onto the dull plastic surface of the counter, and gave Will a bored look. If the color gray could be held in someone’s voice, it would lace his next words. “Of course, sir. How can I help you?”

Will needed this retail worker - this poor, poor retail worker tasked to deal with people like Will himself two days before Christmas in an overly bright department store - to understand. Understand what was at stake at this moment in time.

His look was intense, his voice even more so, when he leaned down to better meet the workers bored gaze. This, at least, seemed to catch his attention more.

“It’s two days before Christmas,” Will stated obviously, the calendar on the wall proving this statement. “It’s the day before Christmas Eve, I have four younger sisters, and I have not bought a thing.”

He buried his head into his hands, stupidly grateful that this area of the store was mostly empty of customers for now, and let out a shaking breath. No one should see his shame.

“I need to get four awesome gifts for my four awesome sisters, and I need to do it soon. Like, yesterday soon. And I need them gift wrapped. I could honestly care less about the cost.” Will was well aware of the pathetic vibe that he was putting off. Maybe that would help his cause. His voice was weak as it rushed out of him. “Please help.”

The worker - Nico, his nametag read off in a neat font - gave him a considering look. Much more considering than Will would have thought. “Okay, I’ll help you.”

Will nearly wilted with relief. “Thank you.” He slumped against the counter, his breath rushing out of him. “I was looking at your online catalog - wait, where are you going?”

Nico, surprisingly, was pulling off his nametag and visor with a grin, dropping them both on the counter. He ignored Will’s question and turned in place only to cup his hands around his mouth.

“Tracey!” A scowling woman turned from the front counter, looking already ready to snap at him. But Nico only grinned gleefully in response to her piercing glare. “I quit!”

Will stuttered in shock, his hands coming up. “Wait - what - I - you said you were gonna -”

“I am,” Nico jumped over the counter, grabbing his arm and beginning to pull him down the long, glossy front aisle of the store. Around them, people were staring. “But you’re not going to find anything worthwhile in here, I promise.”

Will, for some unknown reason, allowed himself to be dragged out, casting a desperate look to the store around them as he was pulled through the front doors. Once outside, Nico stopped, pulling the other boy in front of him. Will cast a desperate look back towards the department store.

“We’ve got to game plan,” Nico made a motion of thinking it over. “And coffee. That shift felt like it would never end.”

Will was still sputtering along, making high pitched noises of confusion.

He just wanted to buy his sisters Christmas presents. Was that so hard?

“Starbucks,” Nico decided on, wrinkling his nose in disgust. “Overpriced and usually burnt, but it’ll work. Decent cider, if anything.”

“I -” Will’s eyes were wide and confused and settled on the stranger standing across from him. Well, at least he was cute. “There’s one the next street over.”

Nico grinned slightly, a crooked sort of thing, and was still holding onto Will’s arm - perfect, as he dragged the other boy along. “Great. Let’s go.”

“Name’s Nico di Angelo,” He shot Will a horribly lopsided, terribly handsome grin as they walked, their strides matching together nicely. “And what’s the name of the guy I just quit my job for?”

Was that Will? It had to be. Right? Yes.

But why?

“Will,” he finally choked out, still being led along by the arm. “Will Solace.”

Nico shot him a small grin over his shoulder. “Nice to meet you, Solace.”

After only a few more minutes of walking, and Will questioning his life decisions, they came across the familiar green and white logo. Nico wrinkled his nose again at the familiar coffee bean scent that was already hitting them from the streets. Nico pulled him in before, finally, releasing Will’s arm.

“Perfect,” Nico declared after a moment, jumping forward to snag an empty table. Rare, so close to the holidays. “What do you want?”

Will took a seat, blinking. “Um,” it seemed he would be needing caffeine for the day ahead of him. “White chocolate mocha, hot. Please.”

Nico nodded once, taking to the short line, leaving Will alone at the table.

Okay. So. This changed his plans.

He was with a stranger in a Starbucks, still no closer to finishing up his gift list, two days before Christmas.

This was weird, right? Should he just… leave? Probably not after the other boy quit his job to help Will… but, like, who did that?

No one normal, right?

Nico was returning, two cardboard cups in his hands, a thoughtful look on his face. Looks like Will was staying.

He set the matching red cups on the table, taking the seat across from Will. He took his cup, mostly just to have his hands busy with something, and the other boy spoke up.

“We need to game plan,” the other boy pulled out his phone, frowning at the screen. “No major stores should have any major hour changes but the lines are going to be crazy. We need to figure out what stores we’re going to hit.”

Will’s eyebrows came together, “We were just at a store -”

“I’m never stepping into a Macy’s ever again.” Nico refused, “Anyways, there’s no such thing as a life-changing, bomb-ass present in a department store.”

Will sighed, sinking back into his chair. “I’m usually like, so good at this. Months in advance, personalized-designer-wrapping-paper good at this.”

Nico only looked mildly interested. “And? What happened?”

Will let his head hit the dark, glossy wood of the table, a satisfying thunk following. “Med school happened.”

Nico winced. “Ouch. My sister’s boyfriend is in med school right now and like, I think he died. I haven’t seen him in… weeks, probably.”

“That sounds accurate,” Will’s voice was one of a broken man. He lifted his head from the table. “I can’t believe I just...forgot.”

“At least you’re not trying to collect from the premade gift aisle,” Nico gave him a sympathetic look. Will could already tell it was a rare expression for the other boy.

“No, I just have to somehow provide four thoughtful, wonderful presents for my equally great sisters.” He groaned, “I really, really don’t know how I’m gonna do this.”

Nico took a long drink from his coffee. “Guess we’ll just have to get started then.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and seemingly got in the mindset.

“Alright,” Nico pulled a napkin from the stack he had thrown down in between them, followed by a pen from his jacket pocket. “Who are we shopping for?”

Will was still quickly adjusting to the ‘we’ factor of the equation but hey, he was a pretty adaptable guy.

“My sisters, four of them.” Will held his fingers, ticking them off as he listed their names. “I’m the oldest. Then it’s Hina, at twenty-one, then Kayla at seventeen, Selena at sixteen, and Marisol at eleven.” Nico was writing down the information in neater handwriting then Will would have thought.

“What did you get them last year?” Nico paused, his pen hovering.

Will thought about it for a brief moment, “Subscription boxes, six months worth each.”

Nico considered that for a moment. “Not bad,” He finally settled on, “What kind?”

“Uh,” He squinted, thinking back to the horde of confirmation emails probably still sitting in his inbox. “Well, Hina got a music one where she got new CDs and like, music note socks or something every month. Kayla got one where they send you like, a new book every month, Selena got a make up one that she specifically asked for, and Marisol got one of those international snacks and candy ones, where you get a new country every month? It was cool.”

Nico scrawled a few more words on the napkin, nodding his head in approval. “Okay. We should be able to go off this.”

Will pursed his lips, giving the other boy a questioning look. “Seriously, like, not that I don’t appreciate it but -” Will moved to biting his lip instead. “Why are you doing this? I mean, quitting your job and helping me?”

Nico stopped writing and set his pen down, looking up to meet Will’s waiting gaze. “Wanna know something?”

Will blinked, “Uh, sure?”

Nico gave him a single nod, “I’ve had six jobs in the past year, and I’ve hated every single one.”

“What?” At that, Will’s voice was sharp and surprised. “What - I - how? How do you even like, pay bills? Survive?”

He gave Will a casual shrug, “My dad helps pay for everything I do. My sister decided to go to art school with it, but I’m not really cut out for school. So I -” He gestured to his surroundings, “work at department stores and quit on a whim to take a cute boy out for coffee.” Nico took a slow drink of his coffee, apparently not noticing Will’s rough blush. “I’m just looking for something that sticks, I guess. And it definitely wasn’t going to be fucking Macy’s. This sounded fun.” Nico gave him a look. “Can you blame me?”

Will blinked a few times, processing. “I guess not,” he finally decided. “...What else have you done this year?”

Nioc held out a hand, ticking off one with each job he named. “I’ve been a barista, waiter, assistant librarian, surf shack employee, gas station clerk, and uber driver.” His eyes lit up fo a quick second. “Hey! Seven jobs now. Got one in just before the year was up, nice.”

Will didn’t even know how to respond to that. He only shook his head, taking a long sip of his drink.

Nico seemed to take that as his que to turn back to the wrinkled napkin in front of him. He cocked his head to the side, chugging the last of his coffee, and looked back to Will in question.

“Who’s easiest to shop for?” Nico asked, absentmindedly rolling his pen between his fingers.

“Selena,” Will knew nearly instantly, because it was true. Selena would happy cry over a wilted flower if Will put enough effort into picking it.

Nico looked satisfied with that. “Selena, what does she like?”

Will chewed on his lip, “Makeup, usually. Reading - she and Kayla are always trading books - and, uh, science? She’s won her school’s science fair like, twice already.” There was a barely hidden note of pride in his voice. What? His sisters were awesome.

“Makeup, reading, and science.” Nico mused, his hand coming up to his chin and everything. He pocketed his pen and napkin. “Let’s start with the first.” He went quiet. “You know what that means, right?”

Will sighed. He did. Vividly, often through nightmare.

“There’s a Sephora in the mall,” Will set his shoulders like a man going off to war. He collected their cups and threw them towards the trash. “Let’s do this.”

Five steps in and Will Solace was truly feeling the definition of regret.

His eyes were wide, taking in the bright lights, the blinding glossy white interior, the crowded aisles, and he needed to take a deep breath.

“This is… a lot of options,” Nico stated the obvious, looking unsure for the first time during the whole experience. “Do you know what she wears?”

Will glanced around the brightly lit store, frowning, probably a little close to desperate tears. “I mean, I just, I don’t really know what she wants - she’s very particular about the ingredient lists and brand or stuff. For her birthday I just let her loose in here and let her get a handful of whatever.” He stepped hesitantly forward, some of the brand logos looking a bit familiar. “Maybe…?”

Did Selena even wear - he quickly read the label of the nearest bottle - setting mist? What even was that, and why in the world did a 4 oz plastic bottle cost thirty two dollars?

He set it down with a sigh, incredibly aware of the other boy’s waiting presence at his side.

He cast a look around the store - so close to the holidays it was near bursting. The line to the register was reaching nearly them, at the front of the store.

Will didn’t know the first thing about makeup. What the hell was he thinking?

He let out a sigh, his head hanging. “I should give them all cash or something. Admit defeat.”

Nico was clearly just as lost in the brightly lit store, but turned to the other boy with a fierce look on his face. “No,” he boldly declared, grabbing onto Will’s sleeve to pull him out of the store, something that was quickly becoming commonplace. “No.” he repeated once they were clear of the crowd, the look still on his face. “We’re only, what, an hour into shopping? We can’t give up yet!”

Will let his head hang, “I have no idea what to get her.” He gestured towards the store, “I don’t know the first thing about all that, and I’d rather let her get herself something she’d actually use rather than just play an expensive round of a guessing game.”

There was a beat of silence as Nico clearly thought that over. “Okay,” he said after a moment, “Okay, let’s give up on the makeup. You said she likes, what else, reading and science?”

Will let out a breath, nodding. “Yeah. She, uh, wants to go into chemistry and stuff.”

Nico was already nodding with thought. “Yeah, yeah.” His voice was absent-minded. After a moment, his eyes lit up. “She likes science?”

Will just said that. “I just said that,” Will agreed, a bit confused. Nico grabbed onto his wrist yet again and began pulling him along.

He let himself be guided, catching up to walk in stride with the other boy. “Where are you going?” Nico pulled him to the curb, already calling for a taxi. “Nico?”

“Trust me,” Nico shot him a quick half-grin, pulling him into the street as a taxi pulled over. To the driver, he flipped his phone to show the driver the screen, and shared a quick grin.

Despite the fact that he probably shouldn’t trust the total stranger pulling him around the streets of Chicago, Will kind-of, sort-of, did, just a little. Nico, already slid across the back seat of the car, gestured for him to get in after him. And Will, after only a quick moment of hesitation, did.

“Here,” Nico declared, leaning forward to pass the driver some folded bills. “Will, out on your side.”

Will, still staring out the window, blinked in surprise. “Here? What -”

“C’mon,” Nico pushed against his back, urging him forward. Will did as told, stupidly grateful the driver had managed to park to close to the sidewalk. They paused in front of the building, taking it in.

“The Museum of Science and Industry,” Nico announced after a moment, gesturing towards the grand building. “Here we are.”

Will stepped back to better view the large building, apologizing as he nearly bumped into a few other people. He smiled, glancing to the other boy.

“I haven’t been here in forever,” he shot a fond look towards the building. “I always mean to come back. Their Christmas exhibit is up, isn’t it?”

Nico grabbed his wrist, just above his palm, and began pulling him up the stairs. “Every year.”

Will allowed himself a grin at the sight of the familiar building, even as the dunked through the crowded doorway. He bit his lip, thinking.

“I love this place but...why are we here?” As the words were coming out, Will realized. “Selena.”

Nico nodded in triumph, still pulling Will along. The crowd was nearly worse here then in most of the stores Will had seen. “She loves science right?”

Will was regaining the energy that Sephora had seeped out of him. “Totally! We can get her a...t-shirt?” He winced at that idea, “Or something cooler. I’m sure their gift shop has a lot of stuff.”

“Ooooor,” Nico dragged out, finally stopping in front of the ticket counter. He pointed towards the large sign that hung from the wall. “You can get her a membership. The exhibits are always coming and going, and she can come see them whenever she wants.”

Will paused. That wasn’t a...horrible idea.

Nico plucked a pamphlet from from the nearest desk, flipping through it for a moment before passing it along. The membership page, listing all the perks of each tier.

“This...might be a good idea,” he finally admitted, his hand rubbing along his chin as he thought. “She does love it here, I think she’s had like, three birthdays here. And free year round tickets would like, bind her here.”

Nico nodded in satisfaction, leading them towards the back of the line, letting Will continue to look over the paper. “If you wanna keep looking, I’m sure there’s somewhere else we can go. But this sounds good for her, at least from what you’ve said.”

“It does sound good,” Will agreed, holding the pamphlet into his pocket. “I think this is something she’ll definitely like.”

Nico shot him a grin, stepping forward as the line went up, and rolled his shoulders. “One down, three to go.”

They made some mindless small talk as they waited - Will was still basically spending his day with a stranger at this point - and learned a few things about Nico himself. He had a sister as well, younger, who’d he’d actually managed to shop for weeks ago. He added on the last bit with a grin, his eyes dancing and voice teasing, and Will only rolled his eyes goodheartendly in response.

Soon, thankfully, the line died down, and it was their turn at one of the many front desks. Will explained which membership he wanted - the dual, so she could bring along one of her nerdy friends whenever she wanted - and answered the few questions they asked as Nico stood at his side. The clerk, a tired but kind older woman, only shot the both of them a small, knowing grin as she typed into her ancient keyboard.

When the time came, he reached for his checkbook, glad he always kept a pen on his person, and filled out the accompanying paperwork quickly. It was mostly basic information, nothing too serious, and before long they were handing over a thick packet with bound papers and a rectangular membership ID with Selena’s name spelled neatly across.

He stuffed it all into the side packet of his coat, careful not to let anything spill out, and followed the other boy through the thick crowd out the front entrance. They pulled themselves to a corner without much crowd, close to a few of the neighboring buildings.

“Alright,” Nico tapped away at his phone screen for a moment, the Uber app screen flashing back at him, before turning his attention back to Will. “Who’s next?”

Will thought about it for a moment before deciding. “Kayla, she should be easy.”

Nico nodded, and Will could almost see the other boy mentally returning back to the quick list he had made in the coffeeshop. “What does she like?”

“She likes reading and exercise, mostly.” Will leaned his head back in thought, “She’s really gotten into archery this year so I was thinking maybe something related to that? I mean, she treats her bow like a literal baby so maybe not that but something with her arrows?”

Nico considered that, “That doesn’t sound bad,” he finally decided. There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. “Do you particularly know anything about archery that could help us shop for her gift?”

Will bit his lip, giving him a look that said everything.

Nico sighed, pulling his phone out, “Looks like I’m calling for help.”

Nico wandered off to side, his phone pressed to his cheek, leaving Will on his own, leaning against the side of the building. The crowd was much thinner than it had been inside the building, probably due to the harsh chill of the wind, but due to Will’s traditional layers-upon-layers for warmth, he didn’t mind much. At a bit of distance, Nico was laughing sharply into his speaker. Will huddled into himself, shielding himself for warmth.

Only a few minutes had passed before Nico returned, hitting the bright red end button on his screen, a small smile in place. Before Will could ask, Nico spoke up.

“My sister’s boyfriend,” Nico explained, pocketing his phone. He began heading in their opposite direction, purpose in his step. Will, pushing himself off the side of the building, followed.

“The one in med school?”

Nico nodded, seeming knowing the way. “He’s also pretty into archery when he’s not drowning under a flood of textbooks and essays, so I figured he might give us an idea.”

Not the worst idea. Will nodded in approval, “And?”

“And,” Nico continued, his hand finding Will’s to better pull him across the sidewalk. Will, with his hand circling loosely around the other boys, couldn’t find it in himself to pull away, or mind in the slightest. “He’s texting me some ideas which, coindeicently, will help serve as a benchmark to find his own gift. So -” he flashed a smile at Will, “win-win situation here.”

Will was still a bit thrown off from the other boy’s grin, “Yeah,” his voice wasn’t nearly as sure as he’d like. He cleared his throat, “Good idea. Where are we going now?”

Nico had paused on the side of the sidewalk, his phone back in his hand. The other one was still firmly holding onto Will’s, and Will wasn’t too sure on how to handle that. “Some sports shop Frank recommended, says its where he gets all his stuff. Our Uber should be here soon.”

Will hummed, “Where is it?”

At that, Nico paused, his free hand hovering in the air over his phone. He shot a quick look over at Will, almost like he had been hoping Will wouldn’t ask.

Will raised his eyebrows, a bit suspicious now. With a bit of regret, he pulled his hand away to cross his arms. “Nico?”

The other boy let out a large sigh. “Frank swears this place is great,” Nico’s voice took on a convincing tone, “and the prices are great.”

There was shoe Will was waiting to drop and swiftly kick him in the face. He kept his eyebrows raised. “But?”

Nico let out a breath, “But it’s...it’s in the Water Tower.”

Will’s arms dropped to his sides. “No.”

Nico grimaced, “Yeah.”

If Will was a weaker man, there would be tears in his eyes. “Nico, no.”

“Listen,” Nico was trying to keep his voice high, “I’ve worked in a Macy’s, a goddamn Macy’s, all through their holiday season. I have faced screaming soccer moms, shoplifting teens, and middle aged customers willing to do anything for a ten percent discount.” Nico took a breath, almost trying to convince himself now. “What’s that gotta have on one of the biggest malls in the city?”

“One of the biggest malls in the city, if the biggest, two days before Christmas.” Will corrected the other boy, a bit more back in himself now. “Nico, we can’t.”

“Will,” Nico’s hands were back on him, now one resting on each of Will’s shoulders. “Will Solace. Do you love your sisters?”

There was no hesitation. “Of course.”

“Okay,” Nico’s hands gripped at his shoulders. At the curb, a gray car was pulling up, an Uber sticker in its window. “You love your sisters. And because you do,” Nico glanced over his shoulder very quickly before returning his much-too-intense gaze back to Will. “Because you do, you’re going to get into that car. And we’re going to go the Water Tower Place two days before Christmas, and we’re going to get your sister the best present ever, alright?”

Will stared at the other boy with wide eyes, holding his breath, before letting it all rush out of him. His shoulders, pressed down my Nico’s gripping hands, fell. “Alright. Let’s...let’s go.”

It was worst then Will had imagined.

When he was a teen, Will’s best friend had convinced him to go Black Friday shopping in order to score some new winter clothes. They had lined up a few hours before with cups of hot cider in their hands and were both bundled in thick coats, scarves, and hats. They had made friends with a few of their fellow customers in line, even splitting a candy bar with one, and everything had been going relatively smooth and simple and calm.

But once those doors opened?

Chaos.

The end of the world will come in chaos and craze and Will was ninety percent sure it would be from the trigger of a shopping sale post-holiday.

And this? The sight of one of the most notorious malls in the region, two days before Christmas?

This was worst.

As soon as they had entered through the doors, Nico had gripped onto Will’s hand, pulling him along. Will didn’t feel the flutter in his chest, the blush in his chest this time around at the other boy’s hand in his. No, this was for survival.

Nico led them into a department store, not Macy’s, never Macy’s with Nico at his side, that was thankfully a bit more deserted then the rest of the building. Sure, they were still bumping shoulders with strangers every few seconds, but no longer in the immediate danger of being trampled. So, like, that was an improvement.

Nico shot him a look, his chest heaving. “A breather?” It was more of beg then a question. Will only nodded, following the other boy as he found them a quiet bit of store.

Which was the women’s sock department, apparently.

They caught their breath, perusing the section out of boredom, and it wasn’t long before one of them spoke up.

“What time is it?” Nico asked a bit absentmindedly, shifting through a nearby rack of clothes. All violently covered in sequins and glitter so like, probably not for his personal style.

Will dug out his phone, squinting at his screen. “Around noon, I thin-”

“What is that.”

Will glanced up to Nico staring straight at him, his gaze intense. Will followed his eyes a bit down to his phone, cradled in his hand.

“My...phone?” Will answered as a question. He held it up for evidence.

Nico was staring at it in disbelief, “That’s not a phone. That’s a fossil. I think I’ve seen that exact phone in a museum.”

Will rolled his eyes goodheartedly, “Ha ha.” His voice was coated in sarcasm, “Very funny, Nico.”

Nico was still staring at it, squinting at it now as he examined it. “Can you even text off this thing?”

Will clicked his tongue, pocketing the piece of old tech. “Very slowly.” He finally admitted, “It takes awhile.”

The other boy looked almost fascinated, “But why?” He asked with gross fascination, “Like, you’re getting your sisters nice gifts. You’re wearing designer, and Macy’s sells the exact boots you’re wearing for like, a triple figure price. Can’t you afford a phone made before 2003?”

“I need it for work,” Will bumped his hip into the other boy’s, “It had to be able to work with my pager, or whatever.”

At that, Nico’s eyes went impossibly wider. “Your pager? My gods, Solace -”

“Aren’t we here for Christmas shopping?” Will interrupted impatiently, “Kayla, remember?”

Nico still looked lost as he processed this information. Will impatiently snapped his fingers in front of his eyes.

Nico scowled, mostly playful. “Ignoring the travesty of your phone situation -” Will snorted, “we should be almost there. Just have to cut through this store’s escalator and Frank said it’ll be on the next level.”

Will nodded, not bothering with an answer, and let the other boy take the lead. He seemed to have more of an idea of the mall anyways, whereas Will hadn’t stepped foot in here in years. After going up the escalator and through a few more minutes through the department store, the crowd was back as they entered into the mall space. Screaming children, rushing adults, teens that were determined to travel in inflexible packs. Gods, Will hated it there.

But Nico was nearly immune to the heavy crowd, definitely in part to his job in retail, and only squared his shoulders and pushed them forward, his hand back around Will’s hand. They paused once to look over the mall map, a glowing screen pillar in the middle of the crowd, but were soon able to stop, their hands clenched again (for survival), and take a much needed breath.

“Here we go,” Nico gestured to the store, some kind of sports outlet. “Frank said the stuff we’re gonna look at will be towards the back wall.”

Nico lead them through, stopping to look over their supplies.

“What do you think she needs?” Nico asked, looking over the wall of supplies. “Maybe some arrows?”

Will shook his head already, “I don’t know her exact bow type or anything, or like if she has a preference for anything. Maybe something safe?”

Nico thought it over, still facing the wall. “Some gloves?”

Will shrugged, looking over the few pairs they had hanging. That wasn’t a bad idea, and Kayla would probably love a spare pair, but it didn’t seem enough.

Nico pointed to the wall, towards the bottom. Along the wall, they were displayed in a glass case. “What about one of those?”

Will looked up, following his gaze, and paused. Not bad. Pretty good, actually.

“Those are nice,” Will admitted, taking a step forward with the other boy.

“Does she have one?”

“A quiver?” Will turned back to the ones in the case, “I think she uses like, the beginner quiver that came with her arrows.” Will wrinkled his nose in thought, “It’s like, plastic and cheap fiber. She’s complained about it.”

Nico snapped, “That’s perfect. They’ve got some opinions here…” He turned to examine the wall better, bending down. “They’ve got some heavier duty ones, some metal or plastic ones but…” He straightened up, letting Will get a good look in. “The best looking one seems to be those leather ones.”

“They are pretty nice,” Will agreed, the more traditional ones proving most pleasing to the eye. They seemed to fit Kayla better, rather than the dull single colored cases they had on display.

“They do personalizations,” Nico nodded in approval at the small pinned sign declaring so, “You can get like, a name of symbol or whatever stitched in the leather. That would be cool.”

Will considered that, doubtful. “But can they get it done on such a short notice?”

Nico tapped the sign hanging on the wall, having already read it through. “If you put in your order before five, it says it can be ready for pick up tomorrow. It’s just a quick name stick, but I’ll look awesome.”

“But that means…” Will let out a breath, “That means I’ll have to come back.”

Nico’s face took the opposite of pity, a bit smug. “Have fun with that, then.” He pulled the stitching request form off the counter, waving one of the workers closer.

Will went through the motions, filling out the papers quickly, sliding his ID and card over to the bored looking sales teen. He ended up throwing in the gloves, she would be needing a new pair eventually, as well as some polish for her bow. A good gift, all in all, that would be ready once he was back to pick it up tomorrow afternoon.

He had to nearly suppress his sudder.

The mall. On Christmas Eve.

He would be having nightmares tonight in anticipation, he could already tell.

Will paid and grabbed his bags, pulling Nico away after the boy made his own similar purchases for his friend, and after rushing through the building and elevator at top speed, they were out again on the streets, the chilled air harsh against their faces. It had never felt so loving.

“We’re free,” they both shared a sigh of relief, collapsing on a nearby bench. Around them, the traffic was loud, and their breath curling in front of them.

“Two more,” Will let a small, victorious smile take place. He was doing better than he’d thought he’d do this morning.

They relaxed on the bench, Nico on his phone, Will’s feet aching a bit but relieved for the moment.

A bit of time had passed, long enough for Will’s leg to fall asleep, before Nico was clicking off his phone, looking up to the other boy. “Who’s next?”

Will sat up at that, thinking it over, “I thinking Hina.”

Nico gave him a look telling him to go on, nodding a bit. Will sighed, his hands coming up.

“Hina is probably the hardest to shop for,” Will groaned, rubbing at his greasy eyelids. “Everything she wants, she just buys for herself.”

“We just have to find something she doesn’t know she wants,” Nico announced, like that was easiest thing in the world to do. “What’s she like?”

“She’s…” Will trailed off, a flicker of surprise flashing in his eyes, “She’s actually kind of like you.”

Nico raised both eyebrows, “Oh? And that is...?”

Will couldn’t suppress an eyeroll. “Attempts to be cooler than she actually is.”

Nico didn’t even bother to look annoyed, “But what does she like?”

Will shrugged, mostly to give himself a few more moments to think. “Music, mostly. She works at a radio station, and she’s obsessed with music quality or whatever. She likes cooking and poetry, and she collects gemstones.” He lifted his shoulder in a half-shrug, “But still, I have no idea what to get her.”

“Music, huh?” Nico went quiet for a moment. “I think I have an idea.”

“Are you actually going to tell me about it this time, or simply drop me off in front of it again?” Will shot him an unimpressed look, crossing his arms.

Nico only matched Will’s bored look, “Sweetums, you already know the answer to that.”

At that, he turned, grabbed Will’s hand, and began to pull him along. At least with this, Nico couldn’t see the subtle flare of color that burst into Will’s cheeks.

The small victories, he supposed.

“I...don't think I've been here before.” Will finally admitted after a long period of silence standing in front of the small shop. Nico scoffed out a laugh.

“I didn't think so,” His voice was amused, “but I know this place pretty well. Follow me.”

That seemed to be his task of the day, and he did so without complaint, following the other boy up the stairs and through the doorway. Nico did seem to know the aisles well enough, his pace determined as he lead them to the back of the store.

He paused as they reached the back wall, shooting an expectant look towards Will, and waited.

“A record player?” Will stated obviously, looking at the lined up boxes more closely. Distantly, a soft song from playing from the shop’s speakers, someone was popping their gum, and a group of teens were laughing as they flipped through dusty records. An odd soundtrack, but not an unpleasant one.

Nico seemed to almost take offense at his comment, “It's not just a record player. His hand came up to trace the cardboard box, the closest thing Will had seen to a loving gaze in his eyes. “It's the best record player.”

“I'll take your word on it,” Will muttered. Finally, after a few more moments of staring it down, he gave the other boy a doubtful look. “Are you sure? Do you think she'll like it?”

“I've never met your sister,” As if Nico had to clarify, “But I know any music fanatic would love this.”

Will was still looking doubtful, and Nico continued.

“It’s the only way music should be played,” At that, Nico stuck his nose in the air, angling up his chin. “No one should have to suffer through horrible music quality.”

“Gods,” Will nearly groaned out, “you two are so alike, I can’t believe it.”

Nico was unfazed by that, “Well, if we're so alike, then she'll love it. I got one for my birthday a few years ago and I haven't been able to go back.”

“Go back?”

Nico only rolled his eyes, “To horrible song quality, duh. I can hardly bear to listen to anything off my old iPod anymore.”

Will scoffed at that, but actually thought it over. “This isn't your worst idea.” He finally admitted, examining the box more carefully. It seemed to be nice quality, a dark purple color, with a leather case. He could already imagine it on Hina’s bookshelf. “This seems like something she'd actually use, at least.”

“You can thank me later,” Nico shot him a smug look.

Will, resisting the urge to roll his eyes, reached for his wallet.

His arms were weighed down by his few heavy bags - Nico had insisted on a few more additions to Hina’s record player, basically essentials the other boy had claimed, and it was nearing the late afternoon as they made their way down the street, Nico already thinking through the rest of their afternoon.

“We can drop these bags off at your place, regain our energy a bit - are you hungry? - and then we can -” Nico cut himself off almost violently with a choke, stumbling in place, and finally came to a halt. His hand came down to clench at Will’s wrist.

Will tripped back, a question on his lips, before following his line of sight. There was a moment of silence.

“No,” Will was already denying, shaking his head. “I - I can’t.”

“It would be perfect,” Nico was almost in awe of the idea, incredulous that he hadn’t realized it earlier. “Marisol - from what you said - this is perfect.”

A pained expression crossed Will’s face. People were making annoyed noise at them, paused in the middle of the sidewalk. Unwillingly, Will took a step forward if only to get them out of the way. He said nothing, Nico easily taking the step forward with him.

“She would love you forever,” Nico remarked, leaning against the side of the building, staring down into the box. He buried his hands deep in his pockets.

Will shook his head again, already too weak in the face of the idea. “No, I really can’t -”

“What did she ask for?” Nico asked innocently, despite already memorizing the small Christmas list Will had provided.

Will sighed, his head dropping. “A pony.”

Nico gave him an elaborate sweep of his arm, “A puppy comes close enough, doesn’t it? She can even name it pony, bet the poor thing won’t even care.” At that, he squatted down at the box, the cardboard ‘Free Puppies!’ sign moving in the cold wind, and let a wide smile break across his face. He gave Will a look reading hurry up already and thrust his hand down so, presumably, the pup could get a smell of him.

A small puppy, probably the runt from the size of it, jumped up from where it had been curled into the pile of blankets at the sight of them bending down, excitement and boundless energy evident in every line of its tiny body. A chocolate colored pup, with lighter colored spots down its back and nuzzle, and dark, shiny eyes.

Marisol would adore it.

“I…can’t.” It was much, much less sure than it was moments before.

The small pup pushed its front paws on the side of the box, panting happily, its tag wagging behind it. It stared directly up at Will, despite Nico’s gentle hand rubbing up and down its back. The meaning of ‘puppy eyes’ was suddenly so intensely clear to Will.

“I can’t.”

“Thank you so much, Cecil.” Will’s voice was weary and exhausted, “I’ll bring everything over in an hour or so.”

Will flipped his phone closed, Nico not even bothering to hide his obvious distaste with the outdated piece of tech, and sighed. Nico perked up. “So?”

Will sighed, his gaze dropping down to Nico's lap. “The puppy is going to stay with my neighbor until Christmas morning, it seems.” The tiny puppy stared up at Will from under Nico’s hand, panting happily. A bead of dog drool started dripping onto Nico’s dark jeans, unknown to the boy himself. Good.

Nico gave him an amused look as he scratched behind the puppy’s ears. It was, to Will’s despair, stupidly cute. “Now?”

Will sighed, already mentally finding his way to the nearest shop. “Now, we pet shop.”

“There’s… a lot of opinions.”

Will’s eyes had fluttered close after being faced down with the vast aisles, more out of desperation. “Have you ever had a dog, Nico?”

“My dad got one after my sister and I moved out, but I’ve never had one personally. My roommate has a cat?” Nico’s voice was, at least, trying.

“They need…” Will finally opened his eyes, the aisle no less numerous than they had been before. This Petco could go on for miles, he swore. “They need a lot.”

The puppy was squirming in Nico’s hands as they both took in the sight, Nico finally just letting the pup to the glossy tile. He wouldn’t be running off it seemed, with its tiny body and smaller legs.

Will was resigned, “I’ll get a shopping cart.”

We’ll need it, he didn’t add despite the truth in the statement.

And truth did he think.

“I don’t think, like, a kid even needs this much stuff.” Nico was poking around the cart as they wheeled out of the store, as if surprised to find the amount of stuff Will had managed to collected. It was a truly remarkable mountain of stuff. He began pulling the many heavy plastic bags out, adding to Hina and Kayla’s bags already hanging around his wrists.

“So that’s everyone,” Nico said, the pup still in his arms. “What next?”

“Next is…” Will trailed off. What was next? “Home?” He tried.

“Oh,” Nico blinked back in almost surprise at that. What had he been expecting? “So this is...over?”

Was it? What even was this?

Will bit his lip, shifting his weight in hesitation, before holding up the bags in his arms with a shrug. “Help me get these home?” The puppy in Nico’s arms squirmed around, somewhat answering the question for both of them. There was no way Will could get all the bags, and a puppy, up to his shared apartment by himself. Will was almost grateful for that.

For the first time that day it was Nico following him somewhere, as Will leaned forward to gesture for a taxi, Will relaying the address to the rushed looking man. Nico was, surprisingly, mostly quiet the entire time. Not even on his phone, just...quiet, with his hand softly petting the now sleeping pup in his nap.

Did that mean something? Or was Nico just tired, tired of leading a stranger around all day, of playing nice with him?

Will bit his lip, clenched at his plastic bags, and ignored the silence - if it even meant something, something worth ignoring - from the other boy. The driver had a radio station of soft, sad sounding Christmas music playing, so at least the silence was not the dead sort.

It was their longest drive of the day, a little over twenty minutes, before the driver was pulling to the cub in front of Will’s apartment building. He paid and tipped, getting a firm grip on all his bags, before leading Nico out down his familiar sidewalk, up the worn stone front steps. The walk was thankfully short, the elevator thankfully in order. Fourth floor, as Nico cooed softly to the whining pup in his hands. Will bit his lip.

They dropped the puppy off first, Cecil winking and grinning towards Nico in a way that told Will he’d be facing questioning later on. When they finally made it up to Will’s fourth floor apartment, they paused.

Nico set the bag he’d been carrying on the ground. Kayla’s stuff, he thinks. All the puppy stuff had been stored at Cecil’s, just to be careful about Marisol’s prying eyes, so that left them only with a few remaining bags. They went quiet.

“Thanks for…” Will just gestured to the air itself, “everything today, I guess.”

Nico gave him a crooked grin, a bit too casual. “Gave me an excuse to never return to that crap hole of a department store.” He gave Will a half-shrug. “Maybe I should be thanking you.”

There was a beat of silence. Almost awkward, surprising as it hadn’t been awkward nearly all day. Confusing, yes. Annoying, a bit. Frustrating, probably too much. Fun, completely.

But not awkward, not until now. Both boys seemed to be equally uncomfortable with this new emotion.

“I’ll....see you around?” Will bit his lip, suddenly unsure. Will wanted to say more but had no idea where to find the words. What would he even say? He’d only known the other boy a day and everything he thought of seemed...too much.

Nico began walking backwards, still facing him, with his hands deep in his pockets. “Sure, Solace.” There was a small smile on his face. He was almost to the elevator now, almost gone. Where Will was biting his lips with a hesitant look, Nico had the air of nonchalance. “See you around.”

Will held up a hand in goodbye, not a wave, just a simple goodbye in motion.

And with that, Nico turned into the silver elevator doors, and disappeared as they closed after him.

And with that, he was gone.

And that was it.

That was the end of it.

Or at least, that should have been it.

That should have been the end of it all, the crazy adventure Will had had with a stranger who dragged him all around Chicago and made for a funny, amusing Christmas story to tell his sisters around the tree and over hot chocolate.

That would have been it, as far as both boys were concerned in relation to their stupid stubbornness, their silly uncertainty. Would have been it, the end of their little story together, had Nico di Angelo not gone home and the next day been forced to explain his recent unemployment to his younger sister. Had his younger sister not been forced to watch her brother’s face glow and light up and positively radiate as he told her all about his day, a break in his usual eyerolls as he laughed and relayed funny lines the two had them had shared, the gifts they’d picked out, the places they’d gone.

Had his sister cared a bit less, impossible for a girl such as she, or had she been late to that holiday, or simply forgotten to ask about Nico’s job, maybe it would have all gone differently. Nico wouldn't have had that moment, that moment where he paused, his words still half-spilling out of him, looked up and met his sister's knowing gaze, and had known. He wouldn't have had that, remembering how Will’s eyes sparkled through laughter, the crease between his eyebrows that left when he grinned. He wouldn’t have had the moment when he realized that oh, he didn’t want that to be the end.

But he did have that moment, so this could not be the end.

“Will, your boyfriend’s here!”

Will paused, his hands deep in soap and suds, hot water up to his wrists. Doing the dishes on Christmas morning after Hina’s chocolate pancakes was nearly a tradition at this point, a chore Will never really minded on the holiday.

Marisol yelled again from the living room, now sounding annoyed, and Will snapped back to attention. He rinsed his hands quickly, wiping them on his pajama pants, and stepped away from the kitchen sink. Calling back, he stepped over wrinkled wrapping paper in the hallway. “I don’t -”

He cut himself off as he stepped into the living room, blinking back in surprise.

A leather jacket.

Nico was looking away from him, grinning as he bent low to more closely examine a construction paper ornament. Fifth grade, Will’s braces period. Great.

The other boy straightened up as Will paused in the doorway, still twisting his damp hands in the fabric of his shirt. There was a beat of silence as they took each other in. Will, still in his Christmas morning pajamas with messy bed head and zit cream still doting his face. Nico, however, looked as if he’d come straight off the runway, because of-fucking-course he did.

“Nice pants,” Nico was the first to break the silence, a shit-eating grin on his face.

A bright red color crawled up Will’s neck, and his words were numb with surprise. “They were a gift.”

Nico stepped forward, close enough to take a bit of the fabric and rub it between two fingers. “The Grinch. Nice. Very festive.”

“Thanks,” Will could barely speak. “How…” Will blinked a few times, “How did you know where I lived?”

Nico gave him a casual shrug, “Peeked off the address on your checks and hoped for the best.”

Will stared at him for a long moment. Nico grew just the slightest bit uneasy, before huffing out a laugh. Will broke out into a small grin, “Of course you did.” There was fondness in his tone. “And you just decided to show up Christmas day?”

It was Nico’s turn to look amused. “Well, I had to give you this.” He pulled out a perfectly squared box from his pocket. Will hadn’t even noticed it in the dark jacket. It was neatly wrapped, with ribbon spilling from the top.

“My sister wrapped it,” Nico explained, seeing the look on Will’s face. “She’s pretty good at crafts.

Will took the box with reverent fingers, peeking a look back up at the other boy. He was still in disbelief that Nico was here, in his living room, on Christmas morning.

Slowly, Will peeled back the wrapping paper, and had to stifle up the laughter crawling up his throat. He let the rest of the paper fall to the carpet, shooting the other boy a look.

“An iPhone,” Will’s voice was laughter filled despite himself. “Really.”

Nico gave him a look that matched Will’s tone. “It was fitting.” He ran a hand through his hair, glancing back before meeting Will’s eyes again. “Anyways, I have a reputation to uphold, and I can't date anyone still using a Nokia.”

An electric shock jumpkicked Will’s heart in his chest. “Date?”

Nico smiled. “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. If you’d like?”

Will nodded slowly, his hands tightening around the phone box. “I’d like that.”

Nico’s smile became a grin, small and a bit shy. “Me too.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, just absorbing the other’s presence.

“I’m not getting rid of my flip phone,” Will finally got out, “I need it for work.”

“Guess you’ll be the weird guy at parties with two phones,” Nico smiled goodnaturedly through the entire exchange. Guess Christmas did that to you.

Nico’s face suddenly scrunched up with laughter, his eyes drifting to the ceiling “Look up.”

Will glanced up. Green leaves, bound with a bright red ribbon.

Will’s eyebrows came together. “How did that -”

Nico cut him off before he could question the decoration that had definitely not been there before but, well, Will could hardly complain.

With their lips pressed against another’s on Christmas morning, really, who would?

Will forced himself to break away from the other boy, only with a fierce reminder to himself that his sisters were most definitely still in their not-very-big-apartment and bound to wander in at any moment. He stared at the other boy, so close and smelling of winter and snow and cinnamon, and resisted the urge to lean back in.

At that moment Pony bounced into the room, barking loudly at the sight of Nico, instantly going to jump around Nico’s feet. Will took a step back for some much needed room, and took a deep breath.

“I -” Will cut himself off, glancing away, his cheeks flared up. Just beyond the hallway, Marisol and Selena were peeking around the corner, giggles in their eyes that only made the blush on Will’s cheeks turn darker. Kayla, from the kitchen, was grinning behind her hand with Hina at her side. Hina was not even bothering to be secretive about the entire ordeal, staring straight ahead at them with a half-raised eyebrow. Will cursed his sisters and took another quick breath, glancing back.

Nico, of course, was now cradling the small puppy to his chest, smiling softly. Fuck. He looked up at Will.

Will swallowed. “Hot chocolate?” He asked, nodding his head to the side where, hopefully, Kayla and Hina weren’t waiting. “I have no idea how to work this phone anyways, I’ll need someone to show me.”

Nico only snorted at that, still running a gentle hand over Pony’s furry tummy. “Smooth, Solace.” But he followed Will into the kitchen nonetheless, smiling softly the whole time.

Will’s sisters still lingered in the kitchen, making an attempt to act like they hadn’t been eavesdropping the entire time. Marisol only beamed. “Merry Christmas!”

notes:

listen chicago is my bae and i fully understand that there is not an actual store in the water tower place that sells archery supplies/personalized arrows. i also understand this is fanfiction and nothing is real and i wanted a scene in a mall. so there's that. i! love! my! ocs!!!! pry them away from my cold, dead fingers. happy holiday season y'all!!! here's my obligatory solangelo holiday fic. it was intensely fun to write. reblog and review if you liked! i need validation to live so. feed me.

#pjosecretsanta2k17 #solangelo #Nico di Angelo #Will solace #holiday fic #alternate universe #chicago #Percy Jackson and the Olympians #Heroes of Olympus #trials of apollo #fanficiton #my fic #rosy writes #gift fic

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toukaisbetterthanyou · 7 years

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The one where anon likes a fictional sex scene a little more than she should

I am so touched that you would actually want to know who I am after all this horrible reviewing but if it makes you feel any better, I don’t even have a Tumblr account. My friend just sends me all the memes and links. The bitch (whom I love dearly because I know she’ll read this and will figure out who I am) actually made me believe chapter 143 was the final one and that we should expect a third series in a few months. I was woken from my mourning by the new chapter and I am looking forward to reading this chapter in celebration.

Hubbs made me promise not to read this without him but I am anyway because I wouldn’t get anything written if he was around so if we get a divorce in 30 years, I am citing this as the starting point :P.

No – the number one priority was now Touka.

One day, I hope sex with me is so good that it puts systems of ruling in danger due to distraction. Touka on her way to make history.

“Kaneki,” Hide says firmly, “You know what I mean.”

Hideyoshi “None of Your Bullshit” Nagachika will join Nishiki on my fave list.

“Well, that’s all I wanted to say. She is a really pretty girl, I’d be distracted too!”

Dude, I am a grown real woman and she is a fictional 2D character and I get distracted by her panels in the manga. I don’t envy Kaneki’s situation one bit.

He had been married to responsibility for as long as he could remember, after all.

This is the story of a man in an affair that helps him break free from his arranged marriage by mama Eto and papa Arima.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on with you and that smelly harpy?”

Nishiki, babe, I love you but you gotta tone down the insults. Kimi wouldn’t be happy about this.

Nothing ever escapes you, Nishiki-senpai, Ken thinks with an internal groan.

It seems nothing ever escapes anyone within half a mile of you. You’re not exactly being subtle dumbass!

“You’re really going to fuck the violent ghoul woman from V? Really?” He asks him, giving him a sharp and disapproving look.

Last time, hubbs said he thought it was suspicious that a breeding ghoul from an opposing organization just happened to wander into OEK territory. Glad to know Nishiki shares his thinking and hasn’t let go of his concerns.

He kneels down, pressing his palms together, letting his knees sink into the dirt.

I am awful but I’d like to think he also does this before he eats Touka out. I’ll show myself out.

“Do I have to get chewed out by everyone about this?” Ken asks,

Yes. As much as I love reading about the sex life you both share, let’s not pretend the context is not creepy as fuck and your friends are trying to talk some sense into you.

Nishiki nods, “And so you consider her a victim, but you take advantage of her?”

God, I love Nishiki in your fics. Yes, my son, drag him! Don’t sugarcoat anything. You are a blessing to this fictional universe.

“Any idea how you’re going to break this to Mr. Handsome?” Ken’s eyes bulge for a minute, “Oh shit and there’s Yomo too..”

I hope Ayato kicks him repeatedly in the nuts. Not because I hate him or anything but just because it’s the right thing to do.

“Your brother will kill me when he finds out,” He gasps, hungrily biting her neck as she settles on his lap.

Ken, my errant son, this is not how you do foreplay. Dirty talk shouldn’t involve mentions of siblings.

“We should tell him and the others before you knock me up.”

So much for as casual as possible.

His mind goes back to the conversations he had with Hide and Nishiki

Good. Some self-reflection.

He thinks all of this for only a moment before he’s sunken balls deep inside of her, and can only think of filling her up with even more of his seed.

Well, that didn’t last long.

Quietly, the older man sets down a month’s worth of rations. It was a large bag, packed tight with meat.

Shouldn’t he put that in a fridge? Yomo, I know you wanted an excuse to talk to the perv but this is the best you could come up with?!

So, it would only be Ayato who would attempt to throttle him.

Why take away the chance of an epic beatdown by both uncle and nephew? It would have put the 103 bones scene to shame.

Yusa places a crown of white flowers on Touka’s head and she pokes his nose, making the usually reserved boy crack a smile.

Moment of silence for Rikai and Shio. Gone but not forgotten. They better not die in this story!

She had asked to borrow that book earlier.

Kaneki, the fearsome OEK, reading with a somber expression on his face behind his desk. What could he be possibly reading that is so serious and sad? Essays about the state of mankind? A novel about human suffering? His own autobiography? No, it’s Gon The Little Fox. He probably has a whole shelf of children’s books in leather binding to hide them.

And then he complains about manga -.-“.

It makes him smile and forget everything he had been lectured on that day by Hide, Nishiki and even Yomo

You’ve barely thought about it for a few moments before shunting all your circulation to your dick! There is nothing to forget!

Those damn pheremones are back the moment she sees him. At this point, he wonders if she was doing it on purpose

I am wondering that too now. Maybe Nishiki and hubbs are right and she is a spy or a mole?

Surprisingly, Ken doesn’t mind.

Why is he surprised? He hasn’t shown much resistance to anything else she initiated.

They were from the garden too. She was glad they had escaped and were here now, where they have the opportunity to be real kids and not killing machines.

They’re still child soldiers when they are guards. Don’t let Ken’s dick seduce your logic!

“You’re still a lot younger than me,” he says gruffly, practically ripping the t-shirt that she wore. Her large breasts bounce free,

… and one of them hits him in the face!

And hey, 10 years is not that much of a difference. The age difference is really the least of their problems right now.

It was easy these days – she was always so open and ready for him. So greedy.

Obviously if your romps are only a few hours apart. Does being half ghoul mean he has a never-ending supply of cum? Does he not need a break?

“Did I do a good job?”

/gulp/ Yes. Yes, you did.

I really should have read this with hubbs. That facefucking scene was very sexy and you have successfully made me blush. Job well done!

Soon after that night, he goes back to avoiding her.

Is writing him as a fuckboy a trope of yours? I know I am putting him in an impossible position where the right thing to do would be to end the relationship and avoid her but for fuck’s sake, homegirl just sucked the soul of you, show some respect!

Maybe it would be different if they were both more in control of themselves.

A step in the right direction.

It takes only three days before Touka manages to track him down.

I am now picturing a cartoon montage of Touka trying to catch Ken around the compound to Yakety Sax

“Shut the fuck up,” she hisses,

Aggressive Touka is best Touka.

“I don’t need to feel in control if I’m having fun, which I am.”

How to know the girl you’re dating is too young to be dating at all. Scratch my earlier comment; age difference just became a big problem.

“I don’t want to take advantage of you. It’s not right and I don’t feel comfortable with it.”

But you won’t let that stop you.

Making her wrong. She had spent years on and off of those damn tables. Touka refused to return to them. She wouldn’t.

/ugly crying/ My poor daughter.

She didn’t want to change anymore.

Sweet baby just trying to find a sense of stability. Keep her away from those damn tables!

“I’m a ghoul. I’m not normal, anyway.”

I was wondering when her self-loathing would show up.

Hello, darkness, my old friend.

And beautiful, she thinks dreamily.

How to know the girl you’re dating is too young to be dating at all part 2. No one over 16 should do or think anything dreamily.

Was this the nature of her hormones? Or was he just a perverted bastard who liked this more than he was leading it to be.

Well, since most of the compound males have managed to keep it relatively under control, I’d say both? Hormones enabling preexisting perversion. Ask your doctor about the diagnosis.

he wanted her to have her independence, but the idea of her realizing that she didn’t want him was almost too much to bare.

This would be really interesting if it happens in the story. Would he (consciously or subconsciously) try to prevent it from happening for fear of losing her? How would it affect him mentally?

“You want a baby?” He asks gruffly, then leaning up, and grabbing her legs. He kisses along her calf before biting into it as he bottoms out with his next thrust.

/fans self/

she gives Ken a sharp look that has him wilting

My girl Kimi! She and Nishiki are such a good fit. Power couple.

Nishiki stares Ken down the whole time while Kimi breaks the news.

Nishiki wishing he had laser eyes instead of kakugan.

Nishiki hadn’t reprimanded him like this in years. “I –”

Maybe if he had done it more regularly, you wouldn’t have gotten yourself in this mess.

So a "person of interest” is now carrying the king’s child who has a chance of not surviving and its dad is probably going to get beaten halfway to death by its uncle. I can’t wait for even more drama to unfold! I l absolutely love this and can’t wait for next chapter!

#asks #replies #anons #original sin review anon #original sin anon #!!!!#thank you so much!!!#we're glad that you enjoyed this story as well #if you ever decide to make a personal tumblr then hit us up #super curious about who your friend is now though #:p #nice asks #submission

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cashmierathoughts · 4 years

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Riley ‘Nem pt 10 Brian, 808′s & </3

I’d spent the night at Jake’s new start up after our date. We were curled up on his pull out when I was awakened by my church alarm blasting Marvin Sapp’s “He Saw The Best In Me”. All things aside, Jake certainly had gotten the best of me last night.

I looked to the left of me to see if my alarm had startled him but he was still sound asleep. Knocked out cold. Ha! Works every time.

I lie there contemplating whether or not I’d get up and go to church. It was a part of my weekly routine and I wasn’t worth shit without my routine. Ugh… I really didn’t want to go but after all that we did last night, I needed communion, two baptisms, and an alter call to wash my sins away.

Jake looked so peaceful; I didn’t want to wake him, plus I kind of wanted him to “wake up first” so he could see how pretty I slept and I couldn’t rob him of that sight, so I closed my eyes and angled my body towards his groin as I pretended to rest. About seven minutes into faking it, I remembered why I dropped theater in high school; I couldn’t fucking act. So I rolled over and gently kissed his neck then got up to search for my things. One shoe by the door, the other under the bed, and my gown tossed across the ottoman. I was frantically looking for my panties when I realized I hadn’t worn any the night before. It must’ve been me knocking over the brass wastebasket that had woken him up because as I was midway pulling my dress up over my butt, I heard Jake intentionally clear his throat.

J: “Well good morning”, he said through a half yawn and stretch. Unintentionally flexing his muscles as he sat up.

R: “Good morning!” I beamed.

J: “Were you sneaking out?”

R: “Sneaking? No. I didn’t want to break your sleep, but I gotta go to church… it’s kind of a part of my routine”.

J: “Ah…okay. Well, I was going to invite you to breakfast at least… it’s the least I could do.”

R: “The least? Ha, You’ve done more than enough but I am kind of hungry. Where did you want to go?”

J: “You ever been to Mama Joanne’s?”

R: “On 18th and Beaumont?”

J: “Yea, that’s the one. You like it?”

Shit. Keesha’s mama, aka my Aunt B’s nosey ass was co-owner of that place and worked every other Sunday and I’m praying this is her week off. Sometimes she’d ask Keesh to help out but she hardly ever would. She was the last person I wanted to run into. But I really didn’t have any other recommendations at the time, so I opted to be agreeable.

R: “Yea, I do... I feel a little overdressed though”, I admitted while still in the middle of pulling on my dress.

He chuckled and offered me some sweats and a Howard pullover that was twice my size. Great. Now I really looked like I just got fucked the night before.

As expected, the restaurant was packed. Nowhere to park and usually that would be my reason to leave, but Jake’s driver gave us the curbside treatment so there was no backing out now. The double doors were packed and customers were spilling out of the entrance and onto the sidewalk. I thought for sure that the crowd of hungry individuals waiting would defer Jake. Then out of nowhere, just as we were nearing the back of the line, I hear my name being called from the distance.

“Riley! Riley!”

I searched the swarm of people for a familiar face, but I didn’t see anyone I knew, so I kept my place and didn’t mention it to Jake.

They let in a party of five and about nine guests had exited, moving us up on the list. A few moments later and we were no longer waiting curbside; we leveled up to the foyer with about twelve equally hungry black folks. That’s when I heard it again.

“Riley!”

This time it was loud and precise enough for both Jake and I to discern. Our heads turned to the right at the same time to find Keesha in an apron waving for us to come towards the front.

K: “Hey, cuz!” She said as she gave me a sly smile and sized Jake up and down.

R: “Hey, Keesha”, I returned, less enthusiastic than her greeting. “This is Jake --”

K: “Of course it is…” She responded with stars in her eyes. “I remember.”

J: “Nice to meet you, Keesha”, Jake replied with a little burrow in his brow as he studied her face as if he were trying to remember her.

K: “I didn’t see y’all’s names on the list. Did you call mama and have her put you on the list?”

R: “Nope. I didn’t even think to do that.” I could feel Jake’s stare.

K: “Well, I got y’all. C’mon, our usual booth is about to get wiped down.”

R: “Thanks.”

We headed over to a comfy corner booth and sat down while Keesha went over the table again with a damp cloth.

K: “Y’all want some mimosas while you wait? Riley, I already know you want the usual.”

J: “The usual?” Jake innocently questioned.

R: “Oh yea, I’ve been here a few times before.”

K: “A few times?” Keesha interrupted as she came around the corner with a carafe of liquids. She collected my menu and poured us way more champagne than orange juice.

There was an awkward silence that didn’t last more than a few seconds, followed by me giving Keesha a stare that told her to scram. It wasn’t like it was a huge secret or anything. I just didn’t like my family all up in my business. I was under constant scrutiny when the whole Brian thing blew up in my face and I just wanted to be more careful this time with whom I was dating. Once she left, Jake and I made small talk about the menu, the neighborhood, and other random shit that I couldn’t even concentrate on because every time his lips parted to speak, all I could see were those same lips caressing and tracing my body parts. I hope I don’t sound ridiculous but that might’ve been the best sex I’d ever had. “Fuck that pillow, I wanna hear you”, he would say as he deepened both his stroke and the arch in my back. I’d had good sex before, hell, I’d had great sex before; but none like this. It was like he was trying to torture and please me at the same time and when the torture was too much, I’d beg for pleasure and when the pleasure was excruciating, I’d want torture. My mind and body were all over the place. That night, my mind and body belonged to him and he had my whole world in his hands.

Our food came out pretty fast. I ordered my usual salmon patties and breakfast potatoes and Jake ordered the steak and eggs. Oddly enough, he ordered his eggs sunny side up and when our server slid his plate over to him, the yolks on the eggs trembled and shook reminding me of how my breasts were bouncing the night before.

What the fuck was wrong with me! Why did my mind keep trailing off to sex with him? I felt like a complete nymph.

I really needed to go to church. It was almost eleven when we left breakfast and there was another sermon going on at twelve that I was desperate to make.

Jake’s driver dropped me off at my apartment and before I got out of the backseat, Jake pressed his lips against mine and made me promise to call him after church to fill him in on the word.

I rushed to the fifth floor and into my shared apartment with Jordyn, neglecting to give her a proper greeting. I was too focused on getting in and out the shower as quickly as possible and make it to church by the time praise and worship was over. Once I was out, I turned on my gospel playlist as I strategically only put lotion on the parts of my body that the congregation would see. Hell, I didn’t have time to do my shea butter baby moisturizing routine. I slipped on a lilac pencil skirt and floral print shirt, grabbed my pumps, and headed for the door in my flip-flops.

“Bye Jordynnn!” I said as I scurried out the front door, half tripping over our stupid doormat.

I gotta get rid of that thing.

I got to church right after praise and worship ended and just before the pastor and deacon board was about to start first Sunday baby dedications. I had forgotten all about that. Had I remembered, I could have made time to put lotion on my heels.

New parents flocked to the alter with their young like a herd of sheep flocking towards their shepherd. I watched as they all gathered down at the front to receive their blessings. As I was taking account of the members at the front, the shape of one of the father’s head looked painfully familiar. I squinted and tried to peer harder, tried to see if he would turn his head away for a split second so that I could make out his profile… and once he did, I felt my knees buckle and I eased back into my seat, unable to stand the sight.

It was Brian. What were the fucking odds– excuse me God – how the fu—dgeee. Fuck.

I hadn’t seen or talked to him in almost over year. The last time we’d talked, he half-assed confessed to having a baby on the way with another woman and everything he said to me afterwards went in one ear and out the other. All I could hear was a high-pitched ringing in my ears. He tried to say that she was lying and he was only telling me before she could because he wanted to be honest with me; all the shit people who lie for a living say.

And like a dumb ass, I chose to believe him. Believed that the other woman was lying. But to be completely honest, it was less about her being a liar and more about me not wanting to believe that what I’d been doing, who I’d been loving, was the lie.

The woman ended up being a fresh college graduate who tutored at Keesha’s school, which made things even worse because now, Keesha would potentially find out that the “happy” relationship that I had been flaunting was a fugazi. All it was going to take was for her to stumble across mine or Keesha’s Instagram and link us together.

Sure enough, that’s how it all went down.

Keesha called me in the middle of my workday, spouting off about how some young Asian girl at her job was asking about Brian and me. Saying that she’d met him at Nappyhead’s, OUR gym, and that they’d been together for two months. I tried to deflect and counter all of homegirl’s claims but it got to a point where I was talking myself in circles and started to sound like a broken record. I rushed Keesh off the phone, telling her that I had pressing work stuff to tend to and promised to call her back.

I had no intentions on calling her back and discussing my relationship with her. I always kept my relationship troubles to myself until I could figure out a best plan of action. Involving other people always made things messy and more complicated than they needed to be. Too many opinions; too many people with their own biases and heartbreaks weighing in on what I had going on. So I kept quiet and put my phone on automatic DND starting at 4:30pm every day for that next week. And like clockwork, Keesha was calling and texting every other day to see where my head was at.

Meanwhile, I confronted Brian about the new developments that had been dropped in my lap. Prior to us actually sitting down and me bringing this up, I had been trying to play it cool via text and phone calls. I couldn’t let him know what I knew, how I knew it, or how pissed or hurt I was; otherwise, I would have never gotten a face to face. That’s just how men were. If they knew you were upset, they’d rather avoid you than actually sit down and let you express and say what you needed to say, let alone actually get some sort of meaningful response from them. I refused to text this man paragraph on paragraph, only for him to respond to the parts he wanted to. That shit was infuriating.

R: “…AT KEESHA’S FUCKING SCHOOL, BRIAN?! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, NIGGA!”

B: “Riley, she’s lying! I didn’t touch that girl! She wanted me!”

R: “Oh so you DO know her? I thought you didn’t even know who she was?”

And with that, I was done talking to him. I put him out of my crib, and blocked his black ass. I called Ricky over that night and got high as I could. We watched reruns of Hey Arnold and talked about how much of a stand up guy he was. A pillar in the community and was only in middle school. We loved that show growing up. On the lowest of keys, Arnold lived in the hood and that’s what made him so likeable. We were watching the episode where Helga wasn’t invited to Rhonda’s sleepover because she wasn’t “girly” enough and all the guys were teasing her about it so she slapped on a pound of makeup, plucked her unibrow, and traded in her kicks for a pair of shoes she couldn’t even walk in, all to prove to everyone that she could conform. I’m sure young feminists all over the world were throwing up in their mouths when they first saw that.

Ricky: “So you gone tell me why you had me come over here and smoke you out late night… on a school night?”

Riley: I tried to laugh him off, “A school night? What are we, twelve?”

Ricky: “Nigga don’t change the subject.”

Riley: “Aside from me just wanting to see my favorite brotherrr…” I paused then I sighed, “Brian got a baby on the way.” I tried to rush out the sentence as fast as I could, then took another drag of the wood.

Ricky sat up, eyes wide, and said, “Nigga, WHAT!”

Riley: “You look like that Jerry meme, from Tom and Jerry”; I tried to laugh it off.

Ricky: “Don’t do that, Riley. Don’t pretend like you ain't fucked up behind this shit.”

He fucking knew me like the back of his own hand.

Riley: “Yup. You heard it here first, straight from the horses’ mouth. Got some young Asian chick that goes to our gym AND works at Keesh’s school pregnant. Lied about it too, but I know she isn’t lying”, I said as my head sort of sunk down and my eyes began to well up.

Ricky: “So what you gone do, Ry?” His words trailed off and when I found myself back in present time, the families and their babies had returned to their seats and the pastor had taken his place at the podium.

Ultimately, I tried to give Brian every excuse, every benefit of the doubt, every way out; but the facts were the facts. He was lying and I could feel it. I could feel it when that nigga woke up in the morning and I could feel it when we were losing our connection too. I never had any contact with the mystery girl but I had heard through the grapevine that once it was out that Brian and I were no longer together, he had a kid on the way.

I don’t know what hurt more about that whole situation; the fact that for sixty plus days, this man was lying to my face and going behind my back, or the fact that he cheated on me with someone who was nothing like me. In shape, size, color. Like at what point did he realize that I wasn’t what he wanted anymore? At what point was I no longer enough? Did it not work because I wasn’t what he wanted or did he change what he wanted because of what I am? The questions were endless and I’d be lying if I said that the fact that he preferred someone “foreign” didn’t sting. But at this point, what black man in America didn’t?

I was gathering my things to pay my tithes and leave early, and as I was walking out to the lobby of the church, there he was, rocking a screaming baby back and forth in his arms trying to pacify it. He looked at me, I at him. Then, I just kept walking.

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icarusandthe-sun · 6 years

Text

Welcoming 2018

If you tell ten-years-old-meka that she’s going to spend new year’s eve alone in her room she’d probably throw a fit. But eighteen-years-old-meka is currently doing the same right now and I would never asked for a better way to spend my new year’s eve. 2017 passed so quickly but I realized there’s so much I’ve gone through this year. Yes, personally, it’s been a tough year for me. Especially for my family. We’ve gone through a big financial problem on early 2017. I have to get used to a lot of changes in our way of living, notably during ramadan and eid al-fitr. On the other hand, this problem has not only created sad memories but also taught me a couple of life lessons. For instance, it made my family grew closer at that time. It made me understand of one proverb that says “life is like a wheel, sometimes you’re up sometimes you’re down.” which is true. 2017 was a point where my life is on the downside of the wheel (financially). That’s why I believe my family and I will get through it sooner or later. Our wealth is on the hands of Allah SWT. Trust Him, maybe Allah has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. I’m thankful enough and hopefully, I’ll always be patient enough.

Aside from financial problem, I also have gone through a rough patch with my mom this year. Our relationship was tested to another level. Long story short, someone asked me to marry him. At the age of 18 of course, I said no. It’s not because he’s ugly or something, but there are many other factors that made me don’t want to settle down with him such as his criminal record for alcohol abuse and violence, his demeanor, and etc. But my mom agreed with him and wanted me to marry him because his parents are close friends to my family. Those three months of cold war between my mom and I really highlights my 2017. However, it also has brought us closer lately. After that one final night wherein we finally laid it all out and talked about everything −which resulted me having another episode of panic-attack and a breakdown− mom and I realized we both just want the best for my future. And we’ve come to agreement and understanding. Also, she said seeing me having panic-attack and breakdown like that scared her so much that she promised not to push me beyond my boundaries again.

Other than those two unfortunate events, my 2017 went pretty good. Mostly caused by my fandoms. Bare with me, it’s just how I cope. Taylor released her new album Reputation and single-handedly saved my 2017. I’m also grateful for Selena who’s battled her lupus. There are lots of amazing tv show too this year; Riverdale (who has taken up 60% of my life), The Crown Season 2, Stranger Things Season 2, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 13 Reasons Why, Gilmore Girls: Revival, Game of Thrones Season 7, and many more. Marvel and DC movies are also amazing this year; Wonder Woman restore my faith for DC, Thor: Ragnarok slayed me to next decade, Guardians of The Galaxy 2 is just astonishing. Spiderman: Homecoming is on top of my fave list. Not to forget The Infinity War Part 1 and Black Panther Trailer are one of the best things in 2017. Apart from Marvel and DC cinematic masterpiece, there are tons of great movies this year too! Everything Beautiful is Far Away, Everything, Everything, Mother!, Home Again, Coco, Breathe, Battle of The Sexes, Kingsman: The Golden Circle, Murder on The Orient Express, American Assassin, Loving Vincent, Newness, Gifted, Okja, Song to Song, Before I Fall, and much more! Those are just half of my list.

For friendships, 2017 has been kind to me. This year, I reconnected with some of my old friends. It felt amazing to talk to someone from your childhood (Hi Mirta!). I grew closer with three amazing women in law school. For Ayu, Annette, and Ira; thank you for helping me went through this semester. I love you guys. For my high school best friends −Nay, Diandra, Aya, Nindya, Puan, Amanda, Lunny− here’s to another year of our friendship! You guys mean the world to me. For my homegirl, Talitha; we didn’t hang out often this year. But the way you’re always there for me (literally just one call away) means a lot to me. I love you so much. And to a lot of people who are close friends with me (Shilla, Sasa, Dinda, Awal, Saniyya, I can’t mention you all here) please know that I’m grateful to have you all in my life. Thank you. I can’t forget about my two amazing swifties best friends Olivia, and Megan. Thank you for listening me whining, and giving me all the supports when I needed. I can’t wait to meet you both.

I’ve been surrounded with tons of love and support this year. Whether from my family, or my friends. Although it’s another year of me being single, surprisingly, I realized it didn’t bother me too much. Of course, I still yearned for affection and sometimes I felt lonely, but I’ve been focusing on self-love more this year. I enjoyed being on my own. This year, I’ve kinda been discovering who I am, and I’m grateful to be single because sometimes the only way you can do that is through being alone. But to be frank, I’m so ready for romance in 2018.

My visions to look forward in 2018 are only a few. I just want to be a better individual in 2018. Maybe cuss less, and I want to be closer to Allah. I admit, I’ve done things I’m not proud of in 2017 and those things had made me far away from Allah. I want to be better than that in 2018. Also, maybe, I want to be focus on my education in law school. I know it’s a hard change due to how I was so lazy and demotivated in 2017, but baby steps.

Ultimately, I want to say Happy New Year 2018 to all of you. May in 2018, all of our dreams become reality. Here’s to us, here’s to life, and here’s to love. Remember guys, “Positive attitude changes everything” let’s make this our motto in 2018.

Best Regards,

Meka.

#personal #happy new year #welcome 2018

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yofavcomplainingbitch · 7 years

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07.16.17 - The Situation

I loved this boy lets call him... Mike. Really maybe I thought I did, no I did. We were an official couple (or so I thought) for a good eleven months. The twelfth month he became kinda distant but i brushed it off. One night we are cruising through downtown LA an his phone rings so I pick it up and it says, let's call her... Ann. And there is a picture of a girl in a tank top posing in a mirror, basic right? Anyway I ask him who is this I can feel him tense up. He says, "Oh, that's my cousin" and he declines the call. So I'm like if its your cousin why didn't you answer. He says its okay I'll call her back tomorrow. So I am sitting there angry as fuck but I hold it in because I was not about to be that always mad girlfriend no it wasn't me yo. Meanwhile, my face is getting hot and my mind is racing with questions like: "Why did he get so nervous? Why was he lying? Is he really cheating on me? Who the fuck has a picture like that of their cousin as the contact? Being me and loving him so much i brushed it off. You see I did that a lot just brushing off shit because I loved him and I knew how lucky I was to have someone I really thought I did not deserve. Shortly after the call situation I am at the park and my friend walks up to me and says you still go out with Mike and I say yeah. Then she says "Ohh Shit NEVER MIND!" My heart almost instantly starts racing and my mind reverts back to the night his "cousin" called. She says he was at So and So's High School homecoming with no other than... Anne. My friend also tells me she was sitting on his lap and they were kissing. At this point him and I were still in a relationship and he goes to homecoming with so girl he lied and told me was his fucking cousin. Like NIGGA REALLY!? YOU KISSING ANOTHER BITCH WHILE YOU'RE MINE!? I was angry and I could feel myself losing breathe and balance. That night I couldn't wait to go home and blow the fuck up on that nigga Mike. I pressed him about going to homecoming with Anne, nit telling him that I knew he was kissing on the bitch and shit. So, he says its not that big of a deal I'm just her math tutor. MIKE I THOUGHT YOU WERE HER COUSIN MIKE!!! So anyway I should have ended what I knew was going to soon come to a close tight then and there. But again.. I brushed it off ad let him sweet talk me into a peaceful state of mind he was always so good at that and then I remembered I was soooo lucky to have him. A few weeks go by and another friend asks me did you and Mike break up and my heart stopped. I played it cool and said no and why. He told me he saw a post of him on snapchat of him smoking a blunt obviously taken by someone else with a heart emoji. My friend questioned me because at the same time I had made a snapchat of myself in a while other city with a whole other group of people. Our date was 10.31.14 (my favorite holiday) and it is about 10.20.15 .. Ik not sure exactly how but.. Mike breaks up with me. I cry and panic and ask him why. I asked him does this have anything to do with Anne. He denies that this has anything to do with Anne but he loves me and he needs to get himself together.. alone or whatever. I died a little inside. I mean I know I did not give him everything but I loved him and I was already so insecure with myself and with our relationship it cut me deep. And because that cut me deep I went into a night of self-loathing I treated myself like the piece of shit i thought I was telling myself things like: You're worthless. You thought you could conceal who you really are from him, you failed. He knows you are trash so he threw you away. Dumb bitch can't even keep a high school boyfriend. And I cried myself into a deep headache and went to sleep. The next day he texts me saying he is so sorry about all this and he promised to hang out with me on our day 10.31.15, Halloween my favorite day. So, I had hope that this would change things. I said ok. Some days went by I hadn't heard from him and by this time its probably 10.30.15. So I just said fuck it whatever. A few days after that the same friend mentioned most recently asked me if Mike and I had broken up, I confessed. Then he says oh ok thats why he was with that Anne girl. I literally heard glass hatter inside of my head, a panic was coming but I had to suppress it. I asked him what the fuck he was talking about and he went to her Instagram page and there was a picture of Anne and Mike in matching costumes and the date posted read : 10.31.15 I ALMOST LOST MY SHIT! He betrayed me the girl whom he had shared a beautiful relationship with for eleven months. HE TOOK ANOTER BITCH OUT ON OUR DAY, MY FAVORITE FUCKING DAY... HALLOWEEN MY NIGGA! Blah Blah Blah some time passed by we got back together at some point for about a week and then we broke up again 7 days later. I went to his house for head and chill time the Wednesday before Turkey Day. I asked him did he gave a girlfriend (I was talking about Anne) he told me know and I did nit ask about it again. By now I had followed Anne on Instagram .... i guess she didn't know about me and I'm scrolling on my home page and I see a picture of Anne and Mike. I wanted to fucking throw my phone at the sight. But, I read the caption it read "I am thankful for my boyfriend because r loves me even though I make it hard to." I FUCKING WENT BESERK IM THE HEAD. He told me tat was not his girlfriend bd it gad to be for a while for them to have "love" like really? You have a girlfriend but literally two days ago your face was inside if my vagina. I texted him the picture with a few questions. This boy had the nerve to say he can't deal with this right now he had a rough day... BITCH WHAT?!?! Literally I was in awe. I was basically the other woman in the matter of one goddamn month. So I'll spare the details we basically stayed together in a low key thing their entire relationship. In February, he de flowered me and in June shit. hit. the fucking. fan! You see throughout our secret love affair he would bring my friends and I food like really late at night when we were high or drunk. So my homegirl had added Anne on snapchat so we could see what ol girl was up to. She rarely watched my hg snapchat so whatever. Mike brought up some fries and nuggets. So my homegirl takes a picture of the fries and types out "Thank You Mike." I had no clue I had went to the car with mike to canoodle as usual. The next day he texts me going off and I'm uber lost. I tell my friends and they all look at one person and I ask what is going on. She tells me what she did. I try to tell Mike that this was not my fault. He did not believe me. Turns out Anne had seen it and pressed tf outta him and broke up with him or whatever I was not fazed but on 06.04.16 he stopped talking to me.

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katrinapavela · 7 years

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#Scandal 601-604 Thoughts: Can You Pay Your Bills?

It’s been a long time. I shouldn’t have left you without a dope review to step to

Real life got in the way.

Anyway. Let me start by saying how much I am enjoying the season so far, thanks in no small part to the lack of Jake and Rowan on my screen.

The episodes sing so much more when their shenanigans are in the background. I needed a reprieve because the daily gas lighting from Mango Mussolini and his staff are too much. I can’t take the kind of season we got in 5B—when I hated everybody. I know Jake and Rowan have been conspicuously absent, and I’ll be tortured with them in the next two episodes, but I’m prepared.

Sigh. Their absence was good while it lasted.

The other thing I am enjoying is the murder mystery of Frankie’s assassination. The individual character focus is a great way to handle Kerry’s pregnancy, as it puts less demand on her, but makes complete sense for the arch of the characters. This is an improvement over the S3 story lines.

I am going to frame this review within the context of relationship dynamics seen in 604. Based on that, plot points and conversations from 601-603 will be incorporated. I am interested in any productive comments you have to add.

Fitz, Angela, Olivia and the Los Angelitz dinghy:

Los Angelitz:

Ahoy, mateys! Enjoy your peanuts and cocktails while aboard because this journey will be very short. But it matters not the length (that’s what she said), but that the journey is taking place. Yes, it hurts my little Olitz Stan soul to actually see Fitz doing homework in bed with Angela while she wears his work shirt over her tig ol biddies.

I mean, it was all just a year ago that we had this:

Yes, I am treating Los Angelitz like vegetables I gotta eat for good health and regular bowel movements. This seems healthy, until it proves otherwise with Angela (more below). I shan’t be referring to this little situation as ‘fauxlitz’ because I don’t think they are an imitation or replacement for what we ache for. It’s a bridge to where we will end up.

Fitz:

The most important point is that I’m happy Fitz is attempting an actual relationship, a pivot from being THOT-THOT-Tholicious as he had been just a year ago with thirst buckets galore. He’s sown his royal oats. Fitz seems like the type of guy who likes himself best when he is in a relationship. At this point, the majority of his life has been spent in relationships with women more than it has been single. Based on 602, Angela asks him out. He’s got to be flattered that a beautiful, self-assured, successful Black woman choosing him as worthy of her time. He was famously left by another one just two years ago. Why wouldn’t he go out with Angela?

Another thing: spare me the shit about him being her boss because

Mmmhmm. Ok, then.

Olitz is more of an ethics violation that Angelitz because Angela’s position is confirmed by the Senate, and there was no conflict of interest at the time she was confirmed. Also, based on the ‘ethics’ logic, Fitz shouldn’t have fucked the woman who was writing an article about him (Lillian, 512), the journalists on WH detail, Lisa from Treasury, etc. Fitz is just looking for some drama-free normal. I ain’t mad at him. He and Angela look hella normal. It’s refreshing. How many times must he not be chosen by the love of his life for him just let things be? This isn’t on him. It’s on Olivia. I do not want to see a romantic attempt at that relationship again until Olivia can be a woman she is proud of. Her journey is more than Olitz.

Angela:

There are a couple of things I like about just Angela, and also Fitz and Angela together. I like that Angela is dark skinned; sports her natural hair professionally and casually; has some thickness on dem bones. Those aesthetics are important because they are markers of her blackness. It’s important to see such a coveted white man as Fitz showering Angela with compliments on her beauty and holding her close---in the presidential bed no less. We’re shown this scene wherein they are being playful, romantic and supportive partners rather than some love making scene to make it clear that Fitz is not sexually fetishizing Black women, as so many of the Ankh-right and ash-adjacent academics accused in the first two seasons of Scandal, with regard to Olitz. Clearly we saw plenty of evidence regarding Fitz’s love for Olivia as a person. We are not going to get a bunch of Angelitz scenes, so the point is being made early that Fitz cares for Angela, not that he necessarily loves her. Which leads me to…the compliment.

Fitz to Angela: “You are beautiful, you know that? absolutely stunning.”

Fitz to Liv:

If we go back to Liv’s dream about Vermont (410), we hear Fitz calling Liv beautiful, which is likely based on actual memories of him saying these things. She imagined Fitz calling her beautiful while they are in the shower together. She’s free of all Olivia Pope armor, her hair is natural and flowing, she’s wearing no makeup, and she’s completely vulnerable. That dream contrasted with the reality of a filthy Liv lying on a dirty floor, thinking she was going to die. She transported herself to a beautiful place.

Y’all really think Fitzgerald Do-Too-Much Grant never called Olivia beautiful just because you didn’t see it? Y’all assume so much else about their relationship outside of what we have seen, so I don’t know why this would be hard to believe. Shonda prefers showing over telling, and Olivia has been established as a show-don’t-tell person when it comes to her relationship with Fitz (220). With Los Angelitz you are not going to get the depth of the Olitz relationship wherein Fitz shows Liv how beautiful, smart, and talented she is rather than telling her that. Fitz looks at Liv like she hung the moon, so that when you look at her face, you know she feels she is beautiful under his gaze.

We need to hear Fitz say it to Angela in order to gauge where he is in this two week young relationship. It’s not a man in love, but one who clearly cares for the woman he’s in bed with.

Quick PSA to white women about Angela: if you are disparaging her black features (skin, hair, body type) as reasons she is unsuitable for Fitz, you are being text book racist. Comments like those have nothing to do with being an Olitz Stan. Don’t make me revisit specific comments about Edison from S2. Just because Olivia’s aesthetics make it easier for you to project yourself into her place next to Fitz doesn’t mean you ‘love’ Black women.

Quick PSA to Black women and POC about Angela: Period if you are disparaging her black features (skin, hair, body type) as reasons she is unsuitable for Fitz, you are being anti-Black. Period. If you weren’t talking about the features of Fitz’s white girls in 5B, then think about that. Denigrating Angela’s appearance has nothing to do with being pro-Olitz.

Now that I’m off that particular soap box let me say a couple non-aesthetic things about Director Webster. The woman obviously doesn’t feel like she is professionally compromised by love. It is not a one or the other game with her, the opposite of what Olivia has imbibed and is now passing on to Mellie (602). However, I can’t help thinking maybe Liv’s little dig at the FBI was right because this investigation into Vargas’s assassination and Jenny’s death seem less than thorough, bordering on incompetent. Why is OPA the one putting these links together? How was Angela so sure there was nothing found at cabin site when they hadn’t even examined all the taken from the site? Does she just want the easy White supremacist option in McClintock, and now the confession from Tom? She needs to pull her people together. Secondly, erm, I noticed how slick she was with working in that tattletale on Abby while being supportive of Fitz’s feelings about Cyrus. I’mma keep an eye on Ms. Angela.

Olivia:

Los Angelitz is great for Olivia! She just doesn’t know it yet. Angela is a successful and beautiful Black woman who went after the man she thought would suit her. She took the initiative. And Angela is not shying away from the messiness of it all because there’s still something valuable in caring for another person and allowing yourself to be cared for. When Liv returned to Washington she saw that life moved on while she was sunning herself for two months. Fitz, too, can and will move on. If and when she is ready face the wounds that relationship exposed inside her, maybe Fitz will still be there in the future. Tom told her in 407 that Fitz revolves around her. They broke up, at her suggestion, and now she still wants to be the sun in his solar system in the form of the adviser who knows best. The only one who has his best interest at heart. Nah, B. You want it to only be one way, but it’s the other way right now.

Fitz has been trying to fight his implicit trust that Olivia knows best and is always right, but from 602-603 we see that it takes very little for him to reinstate trust. I cannot wait to see how their working relationship changes now that Olivia is so strong and wrong about Cyrus. Fitz is going to look foolish and he will have to contend with his decision to follow Olivia down this rabbit hole. She is literally the only reason they went looking in Cyrus’ direction. Scratch that, Rowan is (601). Then again, it’s so hard to tell the difference these days between father and daughter.

I shake my head at Olivia a lot, and it’s because I love her. I’ll talk about my sympathy later in this piece, but for now let me shake my head. My homegirl needs to see that although she is the love of Fitz’s life, the world does not revolve around her--as her mama said (422). (Mama Pope! I need you back this season. Stat!). Liv only wants Fitz when he’s not there (509), so enter Angel with the kinky hair. What burns her most is that Liv only suggested Angela “go for it” with Fitz because she didn’t think she would be Fitz’s type, or that Fitz was still on his THOTin’ for the USA tour. Angela hits too close to home for Liv. The former’s blackness and familiarity are specific parts of that jealousy. Here’s a Black woman I actually know doing the things I told myself were not possible, or too compromising. This brings me to another topic…

Ghost’s of Olitz past:

Have y’all noticed the interesting ways in which the writers have manifested back at us this season specific fears Olivia and Fitz’s relationship presented, and how Olivia is re-interpreting her past through a more tawdry lens?

Mellie and Marcus:

Liv tells Mellie it would be unwise to get involved with a young staffer who works for her because conflict of interest.

Later, after Mellie tells her the sex with Marcus was bomb.com, and that he made her see baby Jesus, Liv looks like she can remember that feeling.

Feeling further threatened, Liv then sews the seeds of the ambitious slut card against Marcus. This is the same one played against her by the media just last season (504). If we recall, it was initially her PR call to go that route (503) via Abby. And it was Brothe Marcus who swooped in, got the Gladiators together and did a media blitzkrieg to defend her good name. Worse is that she specifically noted the PR-tanking implications of Marcus’s Blackness should the relationship be exposed. It made me sad because that means Liv, PR maven, held inside her those same thoughts and fears about how her relationship with Fitz would be viewed. The Sally Hemmings/Thomas Jefferson comment from 208 was not the end of her considering the public implications of Olitz. We have heard such critiques echoed through Cyrus (212) and Senator Gibson (504) with regard to Liv’s “hue” and the Republican party. It’s as if she’s seeing her past self from the outside, as a threat to the Oval that should have been eliminated. Just like she eliminated Abby and David from getting too close to Defiance. Now Marcus is a threat to—not Mellie’s presidency, but what Liv blindly thinks of as her Oval. This path she’s on has stripped away more and more of the person we’ve known because it’s not the right path. Liv is barely acting like a human.

Quinn and Charlie

I maintain that she show has always used Quinn as a conduit to Olivia. Never forget that it is through Quinn’s admiration that we meet this incredible black woman. We hear about her greatness from Quinn first. Anyway, Liv projects onto Quinn many of the things that held her back from a productive relationship with Fitz, aggressively urging the latter to stop making excuses because she’s scared (602). Quinn is being offered a chance to live and share her life with someone, so she should take it. All the things Liv won’t let herself do, and for the same goddamn reason. She really does think she’s a special snowflake. Is it a coincidence that Liv’s spiel comes on the heels of thinking she lost candidate Mellie? Was the love talk a consolation from a woman who thought she’d lost the Oval. I’m keeping this scene in mind for the future.

Jenny and Francisco Vargas

Liv looked at 2.5 seconds of footage with Frankie and Jenny, after which she concludes they were obviously sleeping together (602). Both she and Cyrus come to the same tawdry conclusion, based off of a cheap idea that did not apply to Olitz.

In all three cases Liv is strong and wrong. But because of paranoia from the past, Liv (and Cyrus) are pre-emptively eliminating the kind of threats with which they have experience.

Hello From the Other Side:

The phone call between Cyrus and Olivia broke my heart, and angered me at the same time. Very similar feelings I had—but less intense—during a way back Olitz phone call. Many of you noticed that the same music (or very similar) used in the Olitz call from Top of the Hour (216) featured in the Cyrus-Olivia phone call. That is purposeful. But why? Here’s a run-down on the parallels and differences I detected between the two relationships:

Unexpected phone calls from men Liv has ruined:

Funnily enough, when Fitz calls Olivia, from the White House, in 216, she answers the phone thinking it’s Cyrus. In 604 it is actually him. Both Cyrus and Fitz call Liv when they are at emotional rock bottom, living in their personal version of hell. Olivia has ruined both men: Fitz with fixing the election in Defiance, and Cyrus with digging up evidence to place him in jail. Both times Olivia stood to gain. No one wanted to discuss with me back in 2B when I realized that love for Fitz was not Liv’s only motivation for Defiance: she stood to gain from the win herself. A plumb job in the WH is a sure bet for most winning campaign staff. Recall from a video of a young Olivia in law school that the White House has been her goal for a long time. She wanted to change the world. She turned her unexpectedly short tenure into social capital to launch OPA. The emotional ruination was not supposed to be part of the bargain. The reward in the case of Cyrus is the same, but this time it’s the ring of power she wants to command again, just as she had before:

That power, as she told Abby in 514, is intoxicating and corrupting. But what’s good for the gander never seems to apply to the goose.

Pleas for honesty and belief: to be heard

Olivia is expected to be, in many ways, the emotional receptacle into which both men unburden themselves. They feel she is indebted to them in this way because she is the reason they are in their present predicaments. As such, both Fitz bemoans Liv’s lack of honesty, and the fact that she did not believe him. Otherwise, she would not have fixed the election. For Cyrus, he needs Olivia to believe that he is telling the truth about his innocence. Olivia does not want to face culpability in either instance. With Fitz she reminds him she is victimized by what she has done, including the outcome of their relationship. With Cyrus, she dismisses her belief in his innocence as unimportant.

Tattered relationships

At the point when Fitz (216) and Cyrus (604) call Olivia, their relationship with her is in tatters. Olivia and Cyrus have been rocky since S4, when she took up house with the man (Jake) who killed Cyrus’ husband. This is the woman who saved his job as CoS by fixing a marriage for him and Michael (409). The woman who gave him a locker room speech about not being a bitch baby who gives up when it gets hard (409). The three of them together represent ‘the band’ that Cyrus was so stoked about being back together (101). Cyrus and Liv’s relationship has been through its own roller coaster ride, just as the Olitz one has.

Hangs up for self-preservation

It hurt me to hear Fitz tell Liv that he didn’t care she was ruined by Defiance, just as it hurt me to watch Liv refuse to be drawn in by Cyrus’s plea for help. She reaches a point on both phone calls where the pain inflicted by both men, and the implications thereof are too much to bear. She hangs up on both. It’s self-preservation. I get it.

Questions:

What’s interesting in both instances is that Liv is sorry that both men are hurt by what has happened, but she is not sorry for the actions that caused the pain. After the 216 phone call, Liv implies, via a conversation with her client Lisa, that she is not sorry for Defiance because Fitz should have been President. She is not sorry for having Cyrus go to prison. Not yet, anyway, because she didn’t know how wrong she was about Cyrus. Olivia never works quite as hard as when she is trying to ignore the truth. She was overtime on the call with Cyrus. I do remain thankful that I saw some genuine, sustained emotion from her this season. It’s been lacking, and I know that is purposeful for where she is right now.

What I am left to wonder is whether Liv has just been doing as taught her father all along, before we even knew this to be the case. Was Defiance just more of daddy. The mantra, as we heard in 419, is that Liv will look at a thing from all angles and make a decision based on what needs to be done to protect the country. She will pick a side. This is Rowan’s manipulative rhetoric, and certainly doesn’t happen in all instances, one of them being now. This time, Liv has behaved carelessly—blinded by the quest for the shiny Oval—that she’s gonna be at the centre of another chaotic mess, left holding the bag. She did not look at all the sides. Or, if she did, she picked the wrong one out of greed.

One potentially positive thing came from Liv and Cyrus’ call, but it’s hard to be sure. Is Save-A-Heaux, Inc closed for business, or is she being more discerning with the clientele? It was a mere few months ago that Liv agonized over saving Jake (again!) from Rowan. In the absence of knowing what transpired between the Liv and Jake after she told him to shove his mediocre dreams up his ass,

am I supposed to believe that Liv has turned over a new leaf? That not everyone is worthy of being dragged into the light (314)? I would support that if it is applied to her pseudo incesting “brother” and her manipulative, controlling father. But, in the case of Cyrus, is her refusal purely based on him standing in the way of her Oval.

Lastly, the most important thing Olivia said on that call to Cyrus has greater implications:

Olivia: “At some point the bill has to be paid. Your bill is due. Your time is up. Do what needs to be done. Do it right. Stop being a monster and be a man. Be a man you can be proud of.”

Where is the pot? Because they kettle is talking a whole lot of jive.

Olivia,

Girl. When are you gonna be a woman you can be proud of and stop trying to be a woman your daddy can be proud of? Stop being the fucking predator he’s groomed you to be—especially since you left the White House—and start being a woman who figures out, for herself, what she wants. Your daddy is the whole fucking reason you are on this vision quest (510), and Mellie is just the horse you are dragging to the finish line. You didn’t even think about creating a president until daddy told you to “get some real power; 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue power” (510). I bet you don’t want to pay too much for the slaughtering of Andrew, do you? I bet that’s completely justified. You fixed an election with Cyrus, but it’s cool for him to pay for the “too much” that has happened, no matter what the facts are. Cyrus is a bastard. And the reason I stomach him is because he knows it, and readily admits it. But Mellie No-one-deserves-anything-more-than-me Grant is somehow entitled to the Oval, despite all of her white woman-ing exploitation of you during the Fitz years. Just because you wanna rule the roost again. Olivia, do you think that being kidnapped absolves you of your past wrongs? That because of that, it’s now you time (514) to act in ways that eschews guilt over the consequences? After all, Cyrus has been operating in this way. Mellie certainly did. Her father does. Jake does, too. The latter have been her circle of influence, almost exclusively, for well over a year. When is your father going to pay HIS bills, Olivia? With all the pain that he has caused you, is the power you can derive from the grooming enough to sustain you? When is Jake going to pay HIS bills for his role in hurting, destabilizing, lying and manipulating you? When are you going to pay YOUR bills Olivia?

Moving on…

A Girl Has No Friends

What is very apparent this season is that Olivia is no one’s friend. She and Angela go “way back”, (602), but they seem more frenemies than actual friends. When Olivia told Marcus, in 601, that she was there as his friend, he looked at her as if she were absurd. Olivia Pope is Olivia Pope.

Dassit. In all of her relationships, Olivia is primarily there in the capacity of Olivia Pope[TM]. Let’s think about this:

Cyrus: See above. Also, the flashback conversation from the night of the VP debate shows how out of touch Cyrus and Olivia are as friends, more so on Liv’s part. When Cyrus said he missed her, Liv did not reply. It reminded me of when Fitz told her the same and she deflected (521). Liv reluctantly acknowledges that Cyrus had change and evolved, but she also thinks it’s a bit of a gimmick. People who are stuck in the same place hate to acknowledge things like this. Think about when Mellie pouted, in 503, that everyone had gone and changed on her. It was more beneficial for Liv to believe Cyrus was monstrous enough to eliminate Frankie, than to believe he had changed. Why? Because she’s trying to compete by out-monstering everyone else.

Mellie: I have written elsewhere why I don’t see it for this relationship on any deep level. I understand that I am still bitter about the ways in which Mellie colluded to hurt Olivia in the past on some petty shit, but was happy to accept her labour when it benefitted her. I think Olivia crossed the line in Mellie’s relationship with Marcus, but Mellie intruded herself plenty of times. I know it’s different because Fitz was her husband. But

The point is that Olivia’s strategic move showed that getting the Oval on Mellie’s back was more important to her than any friendship with Mellie. The photo of Rowan and 12-year old Liv featured prominently when Liv manipulated Mellie into thinking Marcus was a social climber. Those are clues that Liv is not in this for friendship. That was a predator move. We literally know nothing else about this relationship other than their quest for the Oval. When these two women still meet up for drinks after the EC votes for president, then I’ll recognize it as a friendship. Until then, it’s a convenient work relationship. Mellie pays her. Secondly, Mellie is not a good role model for Liv because all Mellie cares about is getting some of that white male power for herself. That’s her type of feminism. As a Black woman, Olivia cannot take that same path, as it is more dehumanizing to her.

Abby: Liv and Abby still seem friendly sometimes, but whenever they are on opposing sides, the necessity of guarding their respective future casts doubt on their friendship. Maybe I’m just supposed to accept that’s the way it is. But when an unhinged Olivia tells Abby “never cross me again” (517), that tells me that Olivia Pope [TM] will always come first. And if Abby puts CoS first, then they are at an impasse. We shall see where this goes once the next president is decided.

Fitz: I have wanted Fitz and Olivia to be friends for a really long time (since S4). Their relationship looks like it has progressed on friendlier terms since being on the Trail together with Mellie. However, I’m not sure if that’s Olivia the adviser, though. How will their friendship be impacted by this road to wrong Olivia has taken, and Fitz has agreed to travel on? This is a huge fuck up for the end of his administration. I don’t wish him to be mean to Liv, as it is his responsibility, but I wonder if he’ll be less quick to think she’s “always right”. Because she isn’t, and the argument that ended their relationship is one of those times.

If Olivia is no one’s friend, then she is essentially alone. That’s different from being lonely, as she’s told Abby (510). I fear that a Liv who follows the predatory example, for which her father has groomed her, will end up exactly like him:

Olivia: The only life you have is the sad, twisted one you built here. The one where you lurk in the shadows, pull puppet strings and pretend the world couldn’t exist without you. You can’t disappear, become a normal person because, dad: you are not normal. You’re a sick, lonely man who only knows how to lie and call it love (409) .

Remember when Huck told Rowan that he is no one’s father (509)? Olivia is no one’s friend in exactly the same way. We have to ask ourselves why is it that we don’t see Olivia with friends, especially Black women friends. I always wondered that about the lack of influence in her life. You can see how damaged this woman has become from walling herself off from nurturing, all while operating in a high-stakes world that require too much of her just to compete. Maya has to come back.

When an Oval isn’t an Oval:

When I think about Olivia in a broader context, I have much sympathy for her. Has the game changed and no one told Olivia? White, patriarchal supremacy loves moving goal posts for us. Just yesterday, some hatin-ass woman who believes Black Studies should be eliminated wrote an article about Beyonce, declaring that pregnancy is not a miracle and being a mother doesn’t make you a goddess .

Cool. When white women level these accusations for other white women, in the name of feminist equality, then maybe they can be taken seriously. Until then, shut the fuck up.

But the point to be made here about Olivia is: have the rules of the game changed on her, or did she change herself to play the wrong game? Unlike some who think Shonda hired a black actress to do a role that could have been done by any white man, I actively think about Olivia as a Black woman. I can see how the brutality and violence of the political world in which she inhabits has taken its toll on her labour and her person. Too often, I see Black people go practically out of their mind, steeling themselves and hardening their hearts to world hostile to their presence. I think of Olivia in that context: a woman who has redefined power according to someone else’s exacting definition. We can say they are those of her father, but he merely did the same thing to escape the hardships of Detroit. Both have been playing this game according to rules devised by white patriarchy. Audre Lorde tells us that, as women, the belief that suppressing the erotic within us in order to display strength is an illusory thought that is anchored in male models of power. She cannot see this yet.

The Oval Olivia is so desperate to have is more about proving that she is a ‘winner’. I wrote last year about wanting Olivia to be a ***flawless loser, in the Beyonce sense: putting her all into something, losing, and then realizing that it is not the end of the world. I still do not know what this woman wants. The White House is a ruse, and further path to being a monster, not a woman she can be proud of. In other words, the Oval is not Olivia’s Oval. I think she’s still trying to figure that out.

#Scandal #Scandal 604 #The Belt #Olivia Pope #Olitz

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