#but i still like really love the characters in this ZAZIE MORE FUCKING ZAZIE that was fun i love hiveminds sooooo much
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no cuz tristamp is literally so stunning studio orange just god
#mielmbles#dreamy sigh#i really loved how they decided to go more into the plants and like backstory and gosh i love how each version swaps and switches characters#and arcs around its so fun i love this like series ? so much its so cool#vash… meryl… honestly still did not care at all for roberto and this wolfwood too a bit longer to grow on me#but i still like really love the characters in this ZAZIE MORE FUCKING ZAZIE that was fun i love hiveminds sooooo much#elendira was like an interesting switch#sigh i do miss big muscles though… everyone was just buff as hell but yk i do enjoy the artstyle and designs quite a bit#again it just took a while to grow on me i think#changing the shape of the plants containers was cool too they look like#batteries or fuses if they were made of glass cylinderical or smth#i did really like the lightbulbs too though but being more of an energy source image than light as bulbs are kinda makes me insane#then theres also like bwah test tubes honestly cylinders are just fantastic shapes#wolfwood is kind of a bitch but like its also super understandable considering everything and i love that hes much more immature and#annoying which you WOULD expect from what happened to him he’s probably supposed to be younger in this version but who knows !#the times aren’t so clear track ever so he could be even older or like eleven#i kinda wish the vials were purple though like wine communion wine i mean i know it’s probably not supposed to be like that or wtevr#but the anime said communion wine for smth and i just pictued all of it religious so yk blood of blah blah blah#i think it would have been cool and its how ill still draw it cuz i like the idea
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quotes from watching trigun stampede with my friends so SPOILERS:
“Bro he even falls zestily” (in reference to wolfwood)
“oh cool flashback” “more like a VASHBACK am i right? ZINGER” “kys.”
“my lawyers have advised me to not discuss what i would do to his stupid fluffy blonde hair”
WW: “the big man upstairs made me strong” “The big man upstairs made me like people with wires and mandibles.”
*vashs arm gets sucked into a blackhole* “bro wtf, hollow purple”
“boy why you so 🪴”
“motherfucker so gay the cigarette bends the second it touches his mouth”
“this is just a documentary of california”
*BadLads gang shows up* “BL? Boys love? They kiss men?”
*Livio standing menacingly* “SANS???”
*in reference to eye of Michael* “Why’s their logo literally new mexico”
*Legato appearance* “blue hair AND PRONOUNS??” “whats with daman mills and voicing gay men”
*Woowoo getting tortured* “theyre injecting 🏳️🌈 into his bloodstream”
*First wolfwood appearance* “He better hit people with that fucking cross”
“he looks hot when hes troubled”
*In reference to Rosa* “If pregnant lady dies i’m leaving the call
“OH MY GOD HES REDPILLED.” “Vashed and redpilled”
“Tricum stampede”
*we were watching on an illegal site so it kept opening new tabs* “AHHHH PORN”
*wolfwood gets fucking bent in half by legato* “Bro where can i get a massage like that”
“Roberto looks like. hold on.” The image sent:
“if the animation was a person i’d make out with them sloppy style. with tongue.”
*in Rollo’s old town with the biblical radio shit* “Guys this sounds just like something my bus driver would say”
*zazie turns into a swarm* “would you still love me if i was a worm :(“
“vash’s mom is pretty” “i’m gonna stop you right there.”
*vash.* “LOOK AT HIS SLUTTY WAIST”
“yeah nai just really liked taking out arms this episode”
*knives playing the piano in the distance* “IS THAT THE GRIM REAPER😨😨😨”
EG Bomber: “MASTER KNIVES😈” my friend in the zestiest voice ever: “master😳”
Vash: *reloading* “THATS SO FUCKING HOOOOTTT” “i wish i was that gun.”
*wolfwood gets fucking run over* “i think hes my new favorite character”
*vash getting chased by the residents of jenora rock* “california has never looked livelier”
“Call me Millions Knives.” “edgy ass emo name, he sounds like hes a 13 year old emo who listens to panic at the disco and cries himself to sleep at night.”
“is this prophetic stress dream bothering you queen”
“i wish Californian sand looked as good here, dont eat the californian sand, its chunky”
*conrad appears* “LUIGI???”
“so this is julai…” “its still may dude, idk how to tell you this”
*Julai screenpan.* “THIS IS JUST VEGAS.”
*wolfwood and vash running away* “me when i skeddadle”
*vash gets shot and walks away* “bros like ‘damn i just got shot :(‘“
“Nicholas the Punisher.” “he can punish me if he wants I MEAN WHAAAAAT”
*That Roberto Scene™️* “*through tears* SO HOW ARE YOU GUYS ENJOYING THE SHOW?”
*Knives dramatically playing piano* “You and that fuckin church organ.”
“5gum stampede”
“Why is nai so jacked???” “theyre both built like brick shithouses”
*Meryl points a gun at conrad* “KILL YOURSELF OLD MAN.”
“WHYS NAI CLENCHING HIS ASS SO HARD…”
“Vash wake up!!” “THIS ISNT LIKE YOU POOKIE”
*Wolfwood steals one last cigarette from Roberto* “Rare cigarette that wasnt fucked up”
“WHO CUT THEIR HAIR.” “Xinqiu.” “Yelan ass haircuts.”
*talking about vash* “hes such a shonen protag. Food friendship and (avoiding) fighting”
“Knives, ur literally gay. i dont wanna hear it.”
“The entrance to the higher plane!” “it looks like a butthole.”
*Knives fucking just floating into the higher dimension* “*cackling*” “WHY HE SLIDE LIKE THAAAT” “stone scraping sound effect”
“Vash shouldve been called damian”
“Prepare mentally for episode twelve, take a deep breath, take a sip of water-“ “KISS A MAN” “DONT KISS A MAN” “KISS A MAN!!!”
*start of episode twelve.* “surely this wont be horrifying”
“I promise to protect you both.” “well you really sucked at that, huh.” “yeah fuck you rem” “HELP???”
*looks at Nai* “Whys he wearing a speedo…”
*Red geranium sprouts in tint Vash’s hand* “NAI LOOK DO YOU WANNA SEE A MAGIC TWICK”
*Running through field of red geraniums* “this reminds me of the angry birds logo”
“metal wing?” “its made of knives, yk, like his name :D” “shut up.” “alright then.”
*chanting* “CUBE!!!!”
“HES GONNA STAMPEDE!!!”
“kiss my vash!!”
#lmao#vash tristamp#trigun stampede#trigun#trigun meryl#vash my beloved#vash saverem#vash the humanoid typhoon#vashwood#vashmeryl#tristamp wolfwood#wolfwood my beloved#nick wolfwood#nicholas d. wolfwood#roberto trigun#there will probably be more added to this#we havent finished it yet so stay tuned
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Okay I literally never do this but episode 7 was so good I gotta do an episode review.
Spoilers ahead obviously
First things out of the way: FUCK FUCK WHY IS SHE HERE FUCK OH MY GOD JESUS CHRIST. When she slammed Mark into that crater I legit began hyperventilating (albeit very lightly). I was so not ready for her to show up and oh my god, the terror conveyed in Zazie's voice acting was legit. That fight scene absolutely kicked ass though, I got hyped as hell when Mark dropped that "no". Now that she's in the show I really hope she doesn't garner any fans because WOW they are gonna be in for a shock. And lastly FUCK YEAH ALLEN KICK HER ASS.
The breakup scene was fantastic. The episode focusing on so much of their relationship kinda made it clear something was gonna happen but when Mark changed up his schedule for her I was like "oh that's really nice" and then she showed up. As I said that was all fantastic, from Cecil's panicking to Amber's terror the presentation was great. Although now that they're broken up, I really hope they go somewhere else with Amber that isn't... that storyline.
REX IS THE GOAT. I love how he just tells Mark "pick a day and we'll cover for you". An absolute bro for sure, I'm loving his character arc. Can't wait for everyone to learn his origin and be like "oh shit" like after Eve's special. Speaking of which, do ya think we're gonna get a Rex-focused special about his origin like we did Eve?
Donald talking Rick down from the ledge and learning about himself in doing so was fantastic. We stan Donald. And man, am I glad they replaced Justin. Like, I know they had to after his actions came to light but also if I'm being honest I despised Rick's voice. Justin was good for silly characters but if I had to listen to him try to do the emotional segments I would've pulled a Rick (sanchez) and put my head in a lazer.
Still don't like Immortal's sad arc. Don't get me wrong, they're doing an awesome job with everything post Kate's "death" but the fact that we literally never saw anything more of their relationship than a shower fuck kinda makes it hard to feel anything when he talks about how sad he is.
Last but not least, OH SHIT OH FUCK IT'S HIM IT'S... *checks notes* Langstrom Sleazy...?
Look I'm sorry I like Angstrom and that end reveal was AWESOME and I am so scared and excited for what's definitely gonna be the plot of season 3 but also I can never remember his fucking name for the life of me and I have no idea why.
Anyway with Anissa here at least that means Thragg's not far behind. Hell we might see him next episode what with the whole prison thing.
#invincible series#with each passing episode my excitement for thragg grows and it is becoming an issue#invincible spoilers#amber invincible#invincible comic#invincible#amazon invincible#mark grayson#debbie grayson#cecil stedman#god i barely remember this series. its only been like a year/year and a half since i read it but man#i dont even remember donald being in the comic. i had to look it up just to check#and also had to check because i swore up and down Kate survived ep5 and yeah it just happens way later than i remembered#rex splode#amber bennett#viltrumite#also wow mark is lucky those diner patrons payed absolutely no mind to a fucking viltrumite just hopping down and attacking a teenager
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Here's a collection of Trigun Stampede thoughts and observations I had from someone who has only seen this series, since big long posts rarely go over well lol. I'm really intrigued to contrast with the manga later and see if I get similar takeaways... I'm eagerly willing to expand on any of these if anyone is interested but for now they will exist as loose point forms! Hopefully this is coherent!
Firstly: Vash my beloved... please be nicer to yourself... please... you are so kind...
Meryl and Knives are the lead active/driving forces of the show, in contrast to most everyone else's passivity and Vash's reactivity
Meryl's influence on Roberto over the course of the story - she actually has him taking a pretty firm stance later on (which is likely the opinion he held all along, he just buried it), which brings me to the next point-
Conrad and Knives claim to be looking to the future but ignore the present - Roberto dismisses this because those who won't even save a life in front of them in the present moment won't save anyone (this is more in keeping with what Vash does)
The juxtaposition between Conrad and Luida's methods are great and I hope we return to that in the next season
I love Meryl. This is not an observation or analysis it is merely a statement of fact. :)
I wonder if we'll get more Zazie and Meryl interactions. Zazie seems to find Meryl intriguing at the very least. I also just like Zazie and think this could be a really interesting dynamic.
I would also like to see more of Rem, hopefully outside of the biased recollections of Vash and Nai... I still don't feel like I know anything about her :(
Ideals in the service of people (Vash) vs people in the service of ideals (Knives)
Most of the children in the series literally age too quickly. There's a lot to examine there.
Given the attempts to create Independent-like humans by Conrad and the rapid aging of these children... is the serum created from Plants?
Vash 🤝 Me: "Wolfwood" 🥺 (I'm kidding, I'm kidding... mostly.)
Vash and Wolfwood are not fundamentally different, as they first appear to be, but are actually quite similar in their drives (protection of others at personal cost) - the difference in their perspectives comes down to the scope of what they swore to protect (with Wolfwood's being far more limited, thus there are outsiders) and propensity to hope (Vash will act on hope without solid proof, while Wolfwood needs the proof but will jump on it if he sees it - interesting for someone who is associated with religion and faith)
Wolfwood's version of mercy is an unfortunate form of projection (aka Legato is a fucking idiot for thinking removing Wolfwood's attachments would lead him to be solely devoted to Knives. my dude, I am pretty sure that attachment plus raw survival instinct is the only thing keeping him going)
Vash: allows himself to get shot and reveals his scars / Wolfwood: >:O !!! / also Wolfwood: repeatedly takes hits either shielding people or just plain not dodging when he 100% could / Me: 😐
I wish we'd gotten some breathing room in the series. That's my number one gripe about it. Specifically, I wanted a little more time with Wolfwood to get to know him in the present before we got into him having the worst life of his fucking life in the span of two episodes... I also wanted to see a little more of this world that Vash cares about so much! I understand the manga and 98 series do this a little better so I'm excited to see that. Meryl's arc was great though!
Loved the really clever way the flashbacks are done!!! Nai is barely focused on at first, then as his character is slowly revealed, he gets the camera focus and childish behaviours more and more!!!
Huge themes of autonomy and choice. I think they're actually more the point than the whole morality aspect. It's not as important that Vash be perfectly moral and right than it is that his philosophy allows people the chance to choose and change for themselves - Knives' doesn't grant anyone that choice, and in fact, he and the people under him actively remove free will (breaking Vash's mind, the experimentation on Rollo, Wolfwood and Livio, what he did to... the Plants... etc.)
Vash is genuinely angry at Nai in a way he doesn't seem to be with anyone else. I do think a part of him can't forgive what happened to Rem or the emotional strain that comes with watching someone you love repeatedly do horrible things. I don't know if humanity could hurt him the way Nai has. The worst part is that I don't think Nai fully comprehends how badly he has hurt Vash. He looked so confused and hurt when Vash trained the gun on him for the first time. The "ominous piano playing" probably isn't meant to be ominous at all, once we see they used to play that piece together. Nai's been playing it on loop for so long. He wants his brother to come home. :(
The twins treat each other like an extension of themselves for a lot of the story, which is somewhat ironic for a couple of Independents. Vash blames himself and seeks to atone for his brother's actions, Nai thinks any differing opinion his brother has is a result of corruption instead of him being his own person. That is why it is a triumph when Vash finally asserts his identity away from Knives in episode 12, declaring himself his own person. That is why it is a tragedy when Nai would rather let his old self die, figuratively and literally, than accept that.
Nai did not want Rem dead. I stand by this strongly. His anger at her is I believe in part to justify her death in his mind.
Nai wants to return to a time of safety more than anything (the higher dimension is like an "egg", the ship's dome around the two as children, the quietness of the tree, etc.).
Tesla 🤝 Livio: products of human experimentation who really ought to be dead but apparently... aren't??? I am putting them both in my pocket and running away
#had to write this all down before i started the manga... agh i am so behind...#anyways. please. please talk to me about trigun.#trigun#trigun stampede#tristamp#trigun meta#storyrambles#vash the stampede#meryl stryfe#nicholas d. wolfwood#roberto de niro#<- i cannot believe they actually named him that. dfhvbsdfhvb#millions knives
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oh damn oh jees I'm so normal sooo sooooo normal rn ahaha! emotionally, I'm feeling sorta ZGBZFDHZV HV ZDH DZVVZDS ZD ZZV LZV. like, it's trigun, I expected it to hit hard BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO HIT SO HARD
spoilers for ep 10 under the cut as usual
tbh I'm mostly shaking about the next ep and impending season finale, but this one was still pretty brutal
firstly, the goofs. vash fucking SNEESING and getting ruthlessly bullied by wolfwood is pretty much in spirit of their relationship in 98' anime and I'd love to see more of it (pls I hope there'll be a season 2)
scar reveal! I was afraid they're gonna give him a glow up and yeah, some scars are barely visible, but the other ones look awful. so, everything I hoped for, good to see he's in pain /j. also nico tried so hard not to stare at shirtless vash... he's looking away respectfully
vash is such a wet cat pathetic paperbag of a guy... just let that guy take a shot, barely flinched, took the bullet 'cause he thinks he deserved it. didn't even think of attending the wound until wolfwood said so. and, mind you, vash doesn't have any superhuman abilities so that must've hurt like hell
nico's job is so funny because to keep vash safe he has to get into mega epic fights, but also remind that idiot to eat and take care of wounds. again, vashwood duo feels more like the original now, after the sandsteamer. I think nico actualy started caring about vash since he saved the orphanage, it's great to see him conflicted with his mission
also policemen from ep 1 and the guy who shot vash are like... second best side characters in stampede and this is not a compliment. the best ones are nomads who ate worms btw
oh meryl, she's gonna girlboss so hard now... woe to all the haters and naysayers, she's getting character development and faces the same conflict as vash and nico thus gaining more narrative significance!! don't get me wrong, manga and 98' anime meryl was a crucial character, but she's getting much more freedom in stampede to develop and get into action
the moment where she gets up during wolfwood voiceover is when we start to see the "iron lady" and I'm so here for it! now we just have to wait for her designated therapy dog girlfriend to appear and when I can be at peace
tbh I don't really care about roberto. no hate, just neutral, rip drunckle grumps
everybody just dumped zazie... so rude, meryl didn't even answer their question >:(
elendira is..... not bad, but disappointing in comparison to the manga's gorgeously evil and hilariour girlboss who was also explicitly trans! oh look, she's a child experiment plant hybrid now, yay... meh
TESLA CONFIRMED omg I'm SOO exited for the next episode we're gonna be in SO MUCH PAIN
knives yeeting vash into the pit got a giggle out of me, but also... damn he actually was preparing all these years, crafting a perfect trap. and all the plants... he couldn't fix them and boy oh boy, I'm pretty sure he gathered them not for safekeeping... HE'S GONNA DO A LAST RUN ON THEM TO "FIX" VASH!! that was probably what elendira was refering to when she started crying
I am the normallest about this. these twins are such hyppocrites I wanna study and dissect them. knives doing the most cruel thing to his sisters so he can get rid of everything that makes vash human in hopes that if they were on the same footage they would finally stay together.......
and the words that he says to vash hurt so much more because it's true. he does love humans, but the main thing driving him is guilt. in stampede, more than ever, vash blames himself for pretty much all human suffering, because he helped the great fall happen. no wonder he's so depressed and not nearly as goofy! homeboy doesn't just protect the lives rem saved, his pacifistic quest is penance for all the people he (thinks he) killed
july is going to destroy him.
#i am in shambles#after the whole season aires I wanna go back and watch everything in dub because a) their translation is a bit more consistent and accurate#and b) now I NEED to hear the that stupid sneese in dub#I just can't help but obsess over the next episode I'm terrified even tho I know what's gonna happen but to see that animated..........#trigun#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#trigun spoilers#trigun stampede spoilers#elendira the crimsonnail#millions knives#meryl stryfe#wolfwood
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Episode Four: Hungry!
Full disclosure, it took me a while to warm up to Wolfwood.
I hadn't read the manga or watched the older adaptation. Didn’t know anything about him except his ridiculous gun and that he was a priest (hence the ridiculous gun, because anime). I couldn't figure out why he was present in the narrative, except... because he was in the manga and older adaption. It seemed a little indulgent; I wanted more time with Meryl. He wasn’t even a priest. Obviously Nick has plenty of homoerotic tension with Vash, but all due respect and sympathy to Vash/Wolfwood shippers, m/m pairings have always left me cold (to be fair, pairings generally do that irrespective of gender. Desire unfulfilled is more my speed).
Sad to say that I still don't ship Vash/Wolfwood, but I did definitely come to understand why people do and why they like the guy. Though am I the only one baffled that Vash gets cast as the virginal princess so often? After this look?
Whew. No wonder Wolfwood looks like he got hit with a two-by-four. Ahem.
This is a very necessary episode that feels maybe too "necessary", like they realised they needed to introduce everything it introduces and didn't leave enough time to integrate it all naturally. It's too tight, and Stampede is already a show so tight it squeaks. Still, I think blowing Wolfwood's cover before the day was out was, if not the only right decision, not a wrong one. Almost immediately this guy comes across as sketchy, half from that he's barely trying to act like he's not (which absolutely sends me; he really hates his job) and half that he's just... an awkward dude, angry and obviously hurt in a way he won’t admit to. And while we know there's more to Vash than his façade, it's hard to tell just how smart he really is, how perceptive, because this is Vash. Meryl is the type to show off her knowledge, because she's young and eager to prove herself. Vash is a creature of endless masks and insurmountable walls. He refuses to, as he sees it, burden anyone else with his thoughts.
So we do exactly what Zazie does in this episode: show Vash something wounded and vulnerable because he'd tear off his own skin if it would make things easier for someone else. Except instead Wolfwood is the one who feels a little too exposed, of course. It's so funny to me how obviously he didn't expect this? And how frustrated when he realises he'll have to drag this self-sacrificial lunatic all the way to July alive without becoming attached. I honestly think he failed in that latter part before they even got shot out of the Worm. Vash is just so loving, and so loveable.
Also, the Worm guys (as I mentally call them) might be my favourite minor characters next to Rosa and her offsiders. They're a hilarious audience to the madness. I’m glad they got so many dinners in one go.
And Zazie - what a great character, one I genuinely think is an improvement over prior incarnations rather than just being different from them. Nail game on point, entirely free of fucks given, and a sterling addition to the cast. I'll talk more about our buggy friend later, and I have more to say about Wolfwood besides that hitting him with the trailer forced me to pause the video until I stopped cackling.
Finally, the closing scene chills me in hindsight for a number of reasons, but what gets me the most is that it's a bookend. At the episode's start, Vash refused to eat. Wolfwood had to convince him to. And it's not that he can't use his Gate, it's that he's decided to keep it closed, so something will have to make him decide to lay bare his power once more.
And somehow, I can't imagine Knives asking nicely.
#trigun stampede#tristampparty#i think roberto's derringer tipped everyone off#even i knew#this episode has some of the funniest background gags btw#like wolfwood seeing meryl wig out at the worms and grinning to himself#and trying to feed her bug meat#he's such an asshole big brother#trigun meta#meta: tristampparty episodes
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182 Days of TPN - Day 113
Chapter 113: “The King of Paradise”
Not being able to hear Barbara’s song is just one of the endless reasons why I still feel bitter about the second season and now that we’re getting to the later half of the story that was sorta kinda animated, y’all are gonna hear a lotta complaints about that disappointing adaptation.
Hasn’t even been a full five pages since her debut and we already know she’s a bit crazy and not a girl to mess with. Even Cislo is a bit creeped out by her habits.
Hey, Vincent, ya wanna know what pisses me off? like, really pisses me off? When an entire season totally disregards the whole middle of a fantastic story and cuts nearly half the cast and major character development, especially when said story is already finished and had no reason to divert from the source material at all. Are you aware of that? Crazy, huh? Other than that, the poor guy is practically begging them two to act a little more civilized, whereas Zazie is trying his best to communicate period.
I love how he wastes no time to give proper examples on how to better phrase their frustrations and how Norman steps in and explains when there’s confusion. Both could’ve been perfect teachers in the human world.
I know these kid’s lives are so dependent on these machines and couldn’t be saved regardless, but damn, indirectly killing ‘em off like this is still tragic. The squad just killed all the demons who run this farm, so did he really need to shut it all down? I guess new workers would just come by and start everything up again afterwards so it would be better to destroy the place completely, but still unfortunate for the kids.. and Norman’s sanity maybe.
Typical GF kid setting stuff ablaze. Ray & Emma would be so proud.. of just the arson plan, not the many lives he just ended.
Sir, your God complex is showing.
Firstly, kudos to the kiddos for even figuring out that a bunch of random numbers were supposed to be used in such a way. Secondly, how the hell did Norman even remember the exact pages and numbers for the words he needed? I thought Ray was the one with the good memory here. Boss has gotta have a copy of the same book lying around somewhere.
Yeah, go ahead and just stab my heart one last time. Surely I can handle it. No problem. Yup. Totally fine.
Favorite panel/moment:
They have such a badass reveal, like look at this! Casually walking through a dangerous farm and killing the demons effortlessly like it’s just an ordinary day for them. Surprising that three of ‘em are only teenagers but scary nonetheless. It’s wonderful.
And yet the anime decided our first look at them was gonna be.. this? Fuck. Talk about a serious downgrade on all levels.
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Trimax vol. 5
This is a solid 30% “what will they do with this in Stampede?”
1- “this time of year”… what are seasons like there? Are they distinct at all???
OH. YIKES. JULY. I was wondering why we were starting here.
God, I hate to think of how many people Vash has lost over the years.
For him to openly weep is heartbreaking, knowing how often he just shuts down instead.
Im fucking stoked to see what they do with midvalley in stampede, if anything.
Meryl is leaving this whole thing fundamentally changed i think. Just a hunch.
2- This is maybe a little unclear? I see the vision though.
I fucking love manga milly you go girl
GOD DAMN IT VASH he keeps getting hit and it makes me sad
Ballerina wolfwood
Am. Am i gonna start simping for wolfwood now? Is this how it happens?
3- oh. Oh boy. That sure is a title page
I’m still so mad they stole ww’s nose in stampede. It’s so pretty.
Wolfwood being protective of people. That is all. :)
OH OH OH ITS HAPPENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM STAY FUCKING CALM
This is the first time that we’ve seen this w/o Knives’ direct involvement- is this something that just happens when he’s at his wit’s end? Has it happened before? (Is it just compounding recent events???)
Bevridge Bitch is here and his vibes are as rancid as ever
How recent was July? He has most of the same scars.
Man they really just took the sleeve off of his coat. Worst thing that happens here, surely (<- coping)
Nvm the sleeve magically reappeared.
Girl seriously though what the *Fuck*
Could he just not do it before? Is this knives doing it *for* him???
“Seeds”?
Oh no. Oh this is even worse than last time. Ick.
Somehow this is more explicitly uh. Y’know.
EW EW EW EW
Dude phrase that literally any other fucking wayyyyyy I’m screaming crying throwing myself out of the window
Vash didn’t answer. I think this is the only iteration that wouldn’t. Then again that might be entirely circumstantial.
DAMN.
4- I took a week long break after the last chapter. I WAS ahead but uh. Stuff and things. So i may have some rereading to do.
SO WAIT HOLD ON DOES TOUCHING THE FEATHERS LET YOU SEE HIS MEMORIES AND SHIT?
I wonder if wolfwood’s gotten his sight back? Is that gonna be recurring or was it just a brief thing?
God this is so fucked up. Poor Meryl is probably losing it
Midvalley continues to fascinate me. What he’s saying makes sense but like. Damn.
Oh fucking god damn it get this guy out of here i don’t want him
What the hell am i even looking at right now
LEGATO YOU BASTARD
5- i hate to say it but i was kind of rooting for midvalley? I wanted to see more of him at least. Fuckin brutal way to go.
Oh is this why zazie is like. Extra androgynous in stampede? Fully support this actually.
I don’t think any character gets under my skin the way legato does. Knives is a close second, but there’s just something about the type of cruelty he exhibits. It’s not quick or to the point. He lets that shit simmer on purpose. It’s not about power anymore, it’s about maximum suffering. For himself, too. It’s gross.
MERYL!!!!
Legato sticks his leggy out real far. Fr though those are spindly as all hell
I’m not sure how much of the angel arm use is Vash making a conscious decision? Guess we’ll find out later. (EDIT: or not damn. He’s so quiet about it.)
Ah. Elendira. Will i love you or hate you?
6- i swear i can feel the panic coming off of the page here
I wonder how much more shit happened with knives that we just haven’t seen yet. How much of it does Vash remember?
Is this happening in his head right now? Is that why his arm is extra fucked up?
I find myself wondering at this moment if the original japanese was more or less derogatory about elendira and tbh i’m just gonna stop thinking about it now.
I can already tell im gonna be obsessed with her dynamic with knives though. They both seem so over it in a way that i can only describe as “the only two queer people working at the McDonald’s.” This is in no way related to any personal experiences i may have had, pinky promise. (Me and that manager were like. Work besties.)
She’s so fucked up i love her already.
UGH UGH UGH BE NICE TO HIM DAMN IT.
EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO THEM MAN. (He’s not obligated to but holy shit do you know how much that had to fuck Meryl up?)
Yeah, i see where the japanese Rem headcanon comes from. The vibes are there.
End notes (semi related to the actual content):
- I am DYING to know how they’ll deal with the Earth ships. Can’t just start that plot thread and just destroy them. I mean, it could happen, but like. Why?
- Forever yelling about biblically accurate Vash. I’ll draw him at some point given the time and energy. I REALLY want to know how/if they’ll handle it in stampede- we sort of got it, sort of didn’t? I’d love to see that pushed further.
- I WILL FINALLY POST ANOTHER GOD DAMN COLORING THIS WEEK. It took me a full month so it’s from an earlier volume but i’m very excited to share! It *should* be done by Friday (questionable way to celebrate given the content) ((maybe I’ll post vash in the babygirl pose as a treat)).
- I got my silly little wwvd bracelet and wore it with my Vash cosplay this last weekend. It genuinely makes me smile every time i see it lol. Real mood booster through con crunch, too. (Also, shoutout to the vash cosplayers at akaicon who definitely won’t see this lol. I almost asked them if they were in on the bookclub based on conversations we had but I chickened out.)
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SHARE COLLEGE AU
HBDJVBDJFH ok. ok.
the basic premise is that like. any character that could be hced as indigenous. is hced as indigenous . and then u take everyone and plop them in 1999 in a college setting with some added bg for each of the characters and motivations and stuff yk
i will admit it is ww centric as its written from his vague pov (third person limited omniscient) but i digress. hes in november trying to get a degree asap so he can fulfill an ultimatum proposed by chapel so he can get livio out of the system and fuck off back to the reservation he grew up on (for context ww is crow+seminole and livio is crow) but he shows up to the college and his roommate is this . scene guy. enter legato our favorite french canadian (besides hornfreak love u hornfreak) who becomes begrudging besties. sort of . with ww
he recommends him a coffee shop and ww goes there before going shopping for shit he needs and thus we get one of our big hubs of the au: threes a crowd! a number of characters work there including brad, luida, zazie (navajo) and of course. vash (mixed white + kanien'keha:ka) he meets him and doesnt really like . register him much beyond it bc hes got bigger fish to fry :sob:
and obv ive planned a lot more (36 chapters for part one. augh) including but not limited to: ww struggling through his coursework (majoring in social work) and being aided by one of his teachers (roberto. love u king u may be tristamp only but u have bewitched me) (hes also ojibwe. love him), ww joining up with a mentor club and accidentally befriending two journalism majors (meryl and milly!!!! inuk and seneca respectively) (also specifically meryl is a photojournalism major!), ww continually running into this one pipsqueak around town who gives him attitude (zazie <3), and also dealing with whatever situationship legato is in (i could not resist making him and nai messy as fuck)
theres also obv other characters that r in there that im still trying to sew in in a way that makes sense: elendira (journalism professor, russian + sami), rollo (mexican + southern paiute, havent entirely decided on his major though so sorry king), hornfreak (a part of the school band. fascinating man. at one point he holds a halloween party) and a bunch of others i havent gotten to yet :sob:
theres a lotttt going on in this au ill be honest but also objectively it is very slice of life . but heres a list of stuff i have planned
vash and nai as lacrosse players. vash invites ww out to games and is really silly abt it
for a not insignificant amount of time ww learns about legatos situationship and bc legato never mentions names he thinks vash has a secret insane ass thing going on with legato . it isnt until chapter 11 (allegedly) that he finds out vash has a twin brother and goes back to legato like . hey. is it vash and legatos like ew what?
milly and meryl are enraptured by roberto working at the school bc he did a lot of journalism work that inspired them to join the field. silly shenanigans ensue
on the topic of milly and meryl they are so fascinating to me. they originally met in the mentor club and hit it off immediately based on their similar (but different) familial issues and the horrors
vash and ww plan out a bunch of movie nights including: scream, 10 things i hate abt you and smoke signals
chapel drama followed immediately by ill-timed vash and ww argument
while ignoring vash ww gets a nokia <3 love loses
at the halloween party milly accidentally walks in on them in a compromising position (nothing was happening) and awkward bs ensues where vash comes around and it like its ok theyre chill and Not Gay but it wouldnt change anything if they Were Gay but They Arent so its Fine
livio and ww apartmentsitting for vash and nai while theyre off visiting family during the holidays :D
nye party where vash and ww almost kiss and thus ends part 1 . LOVE LOSES
also i should list what everyones majoring in that i didnt mention but this is already long enough good lord
all this to say. i am insane god bless
some small cuts from the draft so far beneath the cut bc i couldnt resist
none of those are in order but its ok <3
#like i said. extremely self indulgent but its ok <3#love and light#ive written around 12k for it so far but ive barely scratched the surface dear lord#asks#my writing#theres also so many small things that im wanting to incorporate into it like#for example#im wanting to showcase livio finding independence and figuring stuff out for himself while also stressing chosen family and the importance#of support#bc at the start bc of how livio is treated by hopeland at large + chapel (not miss melanie shes normal)#hes dealing w a lot of like. learned helplessness and frustration abt it all bc hes being treated with kid gloves 24/7 bc he has did right#and on top of that everyone avoids him and all hes really got is miss melanie. ww. some of the attendants at the church he gets sent off#to spend his time at#so hes like. painfully isolated even at 18 bc chapel treats him like a charity case and keeps him there 'out of the goodness of his heart'#so over the course of the au i want to explore livio finding his voice and figuring shit out and maybe. maybe even having a full blown#argument w ww where he lashes out bc hes frustrated that everyone is making decisions for him right#i just oaughughagknsgbgsf#THERES SO MUCH I WANT TO EXPLORE IN THE AUUUUU#SO MUCH#rubs my gay little hands together#ALSO FAIR WARNING#im researching a lotttt for this au bc obv . u have to research shit#even like 'dorm room prep' like what the fuck is that long ass laundry list#insane
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Ok I finished trigun stampede an few hours ago and um my review of the show overall: quite a few epic moments, the last episode was mostly epicness with not too many complaints, it was fun to watch. However overall the way the plot is told is needlessly packed…. we need some time to breathe! I feel like I just watched 8 season finales in a row. It just KEEPS pressing on.
Just….there’s no TIME for anything! I feel like I would not have gotten attached to the characters of Meryl and Wolfwood at ALL if I did not know them prior. I certainly did not have time to get attached to Roberto, and I feel like his screen time is basically the same as Meryl’s. Like, there’s just major event-after-major event and absolutely no time for us to get attached to characters, because almost every single one of their interactions happens when they’re under pressure, which simply doesn’t give us a well-rounded impression of them.
+ Plus points for Vash’s Stampede redesign; he looks the least like his manga counterpart but I actually think he retains his energy the most out of all the characters. It’s cute!
+ Plus points for Meryl, I liked Meryl and I can’t wait to see her in s2. She didn’t do much in this season but I think most of her scenes were really fun and actually showed a lot of character when compared to Wolfwood. Maybe that’s just me ?
- Minus points for Elendira being a child!!! And…I think not trans? Why are you nerfing one of like three women in this season AND the only LGBTQ character in the entire series!!!
* Neutral points for Brad being an adult, it was actually kinda cute bc in the manga Vash is the one who’s like “aww look how much you’ve grown ☺️”.
+ Plus points for the Vash backstory at his “Home” overall, I thought that was a real nice touch, I enjoy how they expanded on it and showed his life after the fall but before he became “the Stampede.”
- Minus points for Wolfwood bc who is that. That’s not Wolfwood that’s Dogbark. He’s just edgy and nothing else, like I’m sorry but he’s boring. In the manga he’s fun bc he’s dark but the fun from his banter doesn’t just come straight from edge, he’s a little silly and it plays off Vash. And his “edginess” is actually sensical nihilism and not Hot Topic teenage angst, as it is in Stampede.
- Also ik Nightow himself not have the greatest consistency when coloring his skin but Studio Orange you could have made him slightly visibly darker. Literally I’m pretty sure even ‘98 anime was better and his shading flip flopped a LOT in that one. Also give him his nose back! No excuses.
- Basically NO reason to introduce Livio this early on, especially since we see them for ONE episode. Like you’re just cluttering the show by introducing all the cool stuff all at once. He’s completely forgettable, simply because SO much shit happens in this show! STOP IT!!!! STOP! PLEASE! JUST GIVE US! A FUCKING! MINUTE! TO! CATCH! UP!!!!!!!!!
+ However shifting the timeline around for CERTAIN things was done well (eg Vash losing his arm at that one place instead of July). Like I’m actually pretty impressed w how they recontexualized certain things to rewrite the plot as a backstory while still maintaining cohesion.
+ I love Zazie the beast! I’m glad we see a lot of them! Plus points!
* Neutral points for making Knives the twin with more Plant powers? Like where he doesn’t eat? I have no opinions on it, just wondering why they chose to do that.
+ I like Knives bubble wrap cloak a lot! I also like the piano thing, it’s really cool.
Ummmmm ya that’s my critique. Epic stuff happens but like it’s just all epic stuff. And epic stuff with no substance is worse than no epicness at all. I would maybe say the problem is that it’s all fanservice. But idk which fan this is servicing lol. It’s like….almost like MCU? Maybe it’s Marvelization. Maybe that’s what I’m looking for. Too much cool stuff. Just show me the fucking cat or something. Give me 1 (one) funny moment. Idk.
Edit: wait one more thing. I’m sad that they didn’t make baby Knives the more outgoing/hopeful one. I really enjoyed that in the manga, bc I thought it added so much to his character.
#no hate to ppl who thought it was the most incredible anime of all time#if you love it’s that’s dope I’m glad#but personally I think they really rushed it. I’m not mad I’m just dissapointed#trigun stampede#trigun stampede spoilers#trigun liveblog#talking to myself#trigun
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tristamp ep 10 thoughts
zazie is info dumping again
idk if the orange writers think this makes sense, or maybe its wrong of me to use irl logic, but vegetation would not replace a magical resource that gives u water, electricity, etc., i think at best the air would get better lol
i dont know why conrad is info dumping either lmao
i cant say i like july's generic cyberpunk vibe. ik i saw a lot of ppl after tristamp wonder how anyone can even build anything in this world, and then tristamp does this with july lol
vash's sneeze was funny to me
vash is spider-man now fhdfjdsfds??? his flimsy little arm looks like it wouldve broke w 2 ppl
i just think its crazy they have a character finally say smth significant to vash and its another faceless goon
vash does not fucking respond to anything in this series
and that scene somehow felt like nothing
conrad's operation room has got some violations
and him just being like "yes, and here's where i do my experiments..." is so funny
i HATE eg mine being included. originally before any tristamp nonsense, i was like "hmm, wonder if knives shared some tech w his guns" but here eg mine apparently being associated with them... when knives just kills him. it makes no sense 😭😭
AND WASNT CONRAD JUST SHOWN TO APOLOGIZE TO KNIVES IN THE LAST EP??? in tristamp the plants arent really human (in the way that theyre probably fucking aliens or some shit 100%, not like in trimax where theyre experimented on humans to become something more, but thats how i always interpreted it), but even still why would he keep doing it lmao. "sorry, we're terrible" *keeps experimenting but in a slightly different way* ???
if he wants humans to basically become independant plants, wouldnt that be helping humanity in a way, why would knives allow that. i might be basing this on trimax's knives, but still. i think tristamp knives still hates people right? i dont think he'd be like "oh, so you're a plant now? sure, thats fine, whatever."
roberto adding to the inexplicable Perception, too, i see
i think it kinda sucks that tristamp kinda connects all the antagonists? EoM and Knives' gang. i think Livio and Chapel indirectly work for knives, but through Legato's commands, but they dont really have a shared goal? while in tristamp it feels direct... if that makes sense, idk
ww is still an asshole :(
vash's body looks weird. does meat look like that?? is that normal?? and wtf is the random lines and shit. i feel like im watching cyberpunk edgerunners
not to be one of those ppl who blame everything on the mcu, but why tf is this scene so dark. cant see shit
vash's scars revelation here is also just strange in general. in the manga it was a good early prompt into vash's issues, meryl & milly see and meryl insists he should retire from his life, and vash says he cant bc of his bro, but vash is also a pacifist so thats his price, this moves milly and meryl. while here its just... idk. feels random, and another excuse for tsundere ww to call out passive vash
conrad being fucking mad scientist AGAIN is so funny. he looks like he turned evil here. yesterday i had a post cooking up abt him and knives' relationship, but this just feels funny. how is knives allowing him to live here, even if its with the humans
cocoon knives back at the piano
tree. who knows if it means anything or if its like the previous imagery used so far
some cute elf bitches
expecting me to believe knives would willingly help him experiment on anything is just... knives i think is a hiuge hypocrite, judgemental, and reactive and those are flaws i like about his character, i dont think he'd allow this LMAO
are they gonna kill vash
is conrad transphobic here or is elendira's gender changed? and was she like. fake napping just to wake up to be like "um, who are you calling poor" and attack or fjsdhsjds
i dont even get what theyre pushing. tristamp LOVES having characters throw "monster" around, but then also elendira is attacking while saying they judge her. what theme is being pushed lol. and why is she even attacking
i forgot to say, but i hate what they did to elendira, btw.
ROBERTO IS NOW DYIGN FHSDJSKKJDS no one saw him injured... vash just waved their asses off fshdjsas???
i think her expressions are good there
i cannot say how much i disagree with wolfwood's initial ideals being overlayed with meryl's apparent newfound determination in response to her senior dying. ww's "you need to kill to survive" is his own lie to himself to cope with being a child soldier, called out by vash in the beginning of trimax and serves as character development he moves on from. having meryl take that as a lesson is incredibly strange. i strongly disagree with that take. her just going to a shooting range and maybe learning the basics would arguably be more significant for her lmao
tristamp just does not do a good job w vashwood's relationship. at all. if i just saw this i'd roll my eyes at shippers. theres nothing there
why did knives ask why he's there. isnt ww implied at least to have brought him there on orders from him
where are zazie and legato btw
did conrad just fucking leave to his office lmao. "oh no the people i was info dumping to are getting attacked by elendira! ...eh"
is that tesla??
whys his knife got an eyeball. whose is it
CONRAD IS BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS AGAIN IN THIS SCENE. DOES KNIVES KNOW ABOUT TESLA?? HOW IS CONRAD STILL DOING THIS FJHSDJDS
tristamp loves just throwing around aspects of catholicism without actually... fitting it in. like they just use it when its convenient, eps having antagonists preach it
the piano activated floor trap is funny
idk what knives could be referring to, so we'll see i guess
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Oh great one who has given me life through your recommendations, I am ready for the bromance recs if you would be so kind.
ahahaha xD I’m always ready for this
okay, so here’s the continuation of the good anime bromances (1st part is here if smb needs all the gays):
10. Fukigen na Mononokean.
This is kinda with a feeling of “Natsume”, cause it’s also a slice of life with yokais (and a gay exorcist lol). So here Ashiya who accidentaly helped a spirit and it clung to him and started sucking his life strength so he asks for help the exorcist (Abeno-san), but he doesn’t have any money to pay so he’s forced to help him with his job. It’s a classic duo where one pretends that he doesn’t care while he cares too much and the other one is clingy hyperactive who will melt the other’s “stone-cold” heart. Of course with or without debt Abeno’s not gonna let him go, bc he’s far too gone xD
11. Tegami Bachi.
This is like one of the most touching and beautiful animes ever. I’m forever in love with it. I don’t not why it’s not officially a BL, but okay. Do you know the “Snow Queen” fairy tale? With Kai and Gerda? This is like gay version of that love story, but with a great plot. So this anime is about people living on earth without a sun, they have 3 areas of living (for poor, middle and rich) and between those areas live giant insects that eat peoples hearts (like suck all the love and leave them an empty shell). And there are people who risk their lives by delivering letters between areas. They have special weapons to fight the insects, but when you fire it, you fire a piece of your heart, so you can’t waste to much of it, otherwise you’ll be soulless.
Gauche is one of the best at delivering letters and once he got to deliver a boy Lag (yeah, people can be letter too lol) to his relative because he lost his mom; during the journey they go from hate to actually enjoying spending time together, and Lag seeing how brave Gauche is promises that when he grows up he will also deliver letters and they part ways with a hope to meet again, but sadly when Lag returns to train for the job and tries to find Gauche, turns out that he went missing a long time ago in duty, and most ppl are sure that he’s dead or an empty wessel. But Lag strongly believes that he can bring him back. So it’s a story about losing a heart and how you can love so much that it’s actually enough for both. How he found Gauche who lost his memories but gained it back cause POWER OF LOVE BITCH and how Lag didn’t care whether he’s Gauche or “Noir”, he loved him either way.
It gets really angsty but it’s of course with a happy ending. And the anime is like super great, all the stories are great and characters are AMAZING. There’s also a possibility of the second ship, cause I really love Zazie and how he calls Lag “his little kitten”, but he knows that Lag only sees Gauche so its kinda sad xD He was like “he loves you assshole, put your fucking gun down” xD but he truly did
And man, it’s gorgeously drawn, they’re all waaaay too pretty and the winter theme. It’s Christmas soon, so you all should watch.
12. Tanaka-kun is Always Listless.
This is a comedy + slice of life. About a guy who loves to sleep and lazy af and his “husband” who loves to take care of him and actually loves him the way he is. It’s super cute and warm and funny. It’s just a rare thing when somebody really loves you the way you are even if you’re a vegetable (very nice, but still a vegatable) xD And I wasn’t joking about “hubby”, he really did say that he wants to marry him in the anime. And he carries him in his arms during the whole thing haha
13. Zetsuen no Tempest.
The motto of this anime is literally “bros before hoes” xD I was pretty shocked with the way it ended, I was expecting the hell and got the heaven, I’m still shocked lol
So it’s about a guy (Yoshino) whose girlfriend was killed and his best friend Mahiro who was also in love with that girl (not as much as he was with Yoshino tho, but later about this xD). Yoshino knew that Mahiro was in love with his girlfriend (she also knew and played with his feelings) and they both were hiding their relationship from Mahiro. After her death they both caught in the war of magicians, trying to find out the truth about her death. About the journey of Yoshino questioning his sexuality while looking at the naked Mahiro, Mahiro defending Yoshino with his life and your ass lit on fire being scared as fuck that now that they’re together the truth about the past will ruin them forever and to the most amazing ending ever - Mahiro doesn’t give a fuck what Yoshino did, he can forgive him everything, cause he is the most important person in his life.
It’s also classical from hate to love (when they were assholes to each other and were forced to be together when they were little was so funny xD).
And the funniset was the flashback of Yoshino’s dead girlfriend who has said to Mahiro: “the most perfect girlfriend for you would be Yoshino” and Mahiro chocked on the watermelon. I died lmao. The level of the gay panic in this anime is way too high.
Tbh beside the relationships the plot of this anime itself is very original. And the animation is gorgeous.
____
Okay, so I hope you’ll enjoy this batch too. Do come back for more when you’re done :)
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Trimax Thoughts Vol. 5 Pt. 1
Here's my stream of consciousness thoughts for the volume again. Sorry I'm late! Can't wait to suffer more!
Nooooo my poor boy... ugh this is fucking visceral...
Ooo... he was looking for Count Vasquez... that's interesting. That's the man he's suspected in the murder of way back on his wanted poster.
Hey so. This is so much fucking worse. He knew these people. He liked these people. They liked him and they didn't want him to leave so soon. Agony.
Always someone to be helped, huh? Always a reason to get back on his feet again... go get Meryl back!
Midvalley and Hoppered just killed Zazie??? Hello???
Actually Midvalley is really powerful... I love when characters have sound based powers yesssss. I also like these two as a duo they're kind of funny to me. Hoppered doesn't care if he dies and Midvalley wants to get out so bad. Hoppered warns people they're about to be killed and Midvalley just wants to murder people with his saxophone in peace. Somehow they spend a fair amount of their dialogue being honest and concerned about the other and handshake over having the same no good terrible boss hjfghbn
Hoppered... :( (Also fuck these people man. Hoppered is just trying to look out for this girl because it seems like no one else will without looking down on them or trying to take advantage of them... *snapcube sonic fandub voice* "you ableist piece of shit"... I actually want to know what the relation is here. Guy just kind of assumed they're together or something but maybe it's more that they are the only ones like the other... I kind of vibe with it being a shared trauma or shared experience thing they've got going... obsessed too, with the fact that we haven't actually seen his face at all... he warns people to get away but then quietly watches them die... does it bother him? does he justify it somehow? ...anyways Hoppered my fave GHG for real I love him.)
(Also he's cute actually. He's so earnest compared to the rest of the GHG. Look at him <3)
So yeah, confirmation that Wolfwood currently cannot see, his head is likely ringing and who knows what other internal damage he's taken and he is still fighting. He is so cool but also :(
Oh HECK YEAH MILLY!!!
^Midvalley and Wolfwood rival ballet dancer au when
*Midvalley voice* I know what you are
Oh! We can see Hoppered now! He... has a cross on his face...? Um. I am even more curious about him now...
*chuckles* Oh we are in danger.
Yo Knives WTF. Also I feel so fucking bad for Hoppered oh my god he's seeing and feeling all of this.
We actually see the people getting sucked in??? Aughhhh
OH NO MERYL SAW IT ALL TOO??? NOOOOO OH MY GOD
Did Legato just make Hoppered kill Midvalley??? Oh god and that was Hoppered screaming once he realized it too... And then he RUNS HIM OVER??? LEGATO WTF.
Zazie's back!!!
So this is complicated lemme see if I got it right: Vash is stopping Legato from running over Hoppered. Legato is using all his power to hold Vash. Because he is doing this, he can't spare enough power to stop Hoppered from pointing a gun at him. Wolfwood is pointing his guns at Legato and Zazie. Zazie is pointing their guns at Wolfwood and Hoppered. And Midvalley... is fucking dead I guess. ...where's Meryl...?
OH QUEEN SHIT HELLO??? And she shot Legato in the face lmao. Who's gonna break the standoff? It's Meryl with a steel chair derringer!!!
You know. I think there's something to be said about Vash activating the angel arm in response to Hoppered about to be shot... I can't brain right now but it says a lot about how he only ever tries to help but all this destruction comes along with him.
"If I could save a single life... if I could do just a little... would that... be good enough?" <- Vash from Trigun and Atsushi from Bungou Stray Dogs shaking hands because they are literally same hat
Ok so airship woman's "I hate suicidal people" -> I thought she was talking about Vash at first but it seems she's talking about Legato. Interesting. Also I think Legato is seriously having a sanity slippage here.
The difference between Vash sprouting feathers like an angel in reality, but seeing himself as this twisted eldritch freak in his own mind... all the contorted pieces of the people who died in some kind of living horror show on his own body as he apologizes over and over... :(
Because they were kind... that is what it comes down to after all...
Elendira has the character intro ever. All mysterious on the phone with Knives, big damn villains moment where she stops the angel arm going off, nails the weird creature person thing helping Legato with absolutely zero effort on her part, then immediately falls from the airship on her ass and says "owie". She is then revealed to be trans and the most powerful secret GHG on the very next page. She impales Legato and takes him with her like one would a runaway puppy and delivers an ominous final warning which she ends off with "ciao!". What a character. 10/10 I'm obsessed with her already.
Hoppered... :( I find his last words interesting. He refers to himself as the bad guy but then also still feels such resentment for Vash that he still wants him to suffer, yet in such a resigned tone... Then Vash reaches out to take his hand with the hand that becomes his angel arm, having since gotten it under control, safe enough to provide a bit of final respite now instead of cause more harm...
MUCH NEEDED CATHARSIS! MILLY AND MERYL HUGS!
Vash hosting funerals for Midvalley and Hoppered... :')
^Another great example of Vash taking responsibility for things and that going beyond just a simple "no one dies" mentality and carrying that on beyond just action and fights - but also I love that he dragged Wolfwood into it and apparently did not explain anything to him. And Wolfwood apparently just started shoveling without understanding why he was being told to do so. ??????? These two were born to be a comedy duo.
Anyways. I'm sad. :)
#trigun#trigunbookclub#trimax#storyrambles#didn't put ids for this post since it's just stream of consciousness thoughts but I will for future analyses don't worry
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okay, I know I’ve mentioned it before that I find the criticisms of ‘joker’ very shallow and misleading - but this is the top review on rotten tomatoes...
...and I feel the need to repeat myself again. This isn’t the only one of its kind, but it’s the most popular I’ve seen. Every media outlet has written about a similar topic in some shape or form.
So I’ve read the article, hidden behind a paywall as it is, and I take serious issue with the damaging message the author took from the film. I’ve copied the article bit by bit because I’m so fucking irritated by it.
For it is essentially a depiction of what happens when white supremacy is left unchecked. It shows the delusions that many white men have about their place in society and the brutality that can result when that place is denied.
Arthur Fleck doesn’t want to be treated better because of the colour of his skin. He doesn’t ask for help because he feels he’s superior to the POC around him. He needs help because he’s ill and no one cares. The film is a criticism of austerity and classism, and the unsympathetic arrogance of those in more fortunate positions than others. It’s also, more importantly, about how all this affects a mentally ill loner with a history of childhood abuse and living in poverty.
It has nothing to do with his race. The author’s words imply that a white person in such a desperate situation is only seeking to affirm their own supremacy. That’s....so fucked up. Mental illness isn’t some tool to be used in a race war, it hurts anyone. He’s dismissing the experiences of a man who happens to be white because he can’t see beyond the colour of his skin. Doesn’t that sound like exactly the kind of thing POC have been fighting against for decades, if not centuries?
The fact that the Joker is a white man is central to the film’s plot. A black man in Gotham City (really, New York) in 1981 suffering from the same mysterious mental illnesses as Fleck would be homeless and invisible. He wouldn’t be turned into a public figure who could incite an entire city to rise up against the wealthy. Black men dealing with Fleck’s conditions are often cast aside by society, ending up on the streets or in jail, as studies have shown.
And though Fleck says he often feels invisible, had he been black, he truly would have been — except, of course, when he came into contact with the police.
Arthur is invisible. It’s painfully obvious that he is. He incites a movement because of what he symbolises and the way Thomas Wayne dismissed people like him. When he murdered the three rich boys on the subway, only his clown makeup was identified. The police weren’t looking for a man of any specific colour, they were looking for a fucking clown.
Arthur could have been black, brown, red or blue. The face behind the mask doesn’t matter, because Gotham City united behind the icon of resistance. It’s supposed to be ironic. The only way Arthur felt seen was when he was under his mask. Nobody cared about Arthur Fleck, they cared about the Joker.
So yes, had Arthur been a black man, he’d still become the symbol of resistance.
Though Fleck is pursued and investigated by Gotham’s finest, his whiteness acts as a force field, protecting him as he engages in the violent acts of the latter half of the film. Consider his appearance on the live talk show hosted by Murray Franklin (Robert De Niro). A black man acting as strangely as Fleck does would not have been allowed to go on the air. But the white Fleck is given access, and bloodshed soon follows.
I mean, in regards to how strangely he was acting, the reason they invited him to the show was because they thought he was a freak. They wanted him to make a fool of himself. Also Murray’s producer never wanted him on the air, but Murray insisted because he was more concerned with viewership. Again - that’s the fucking point. Murray was far too invested in his own self-interest to see a man dangerously close to snapping. The author completely glossed over that, and the producer who didn’t want Arthur, white skin and all.
Or look at how Fleck interacts with others. He is frequently in conversation with people who occupy a lower rung in society than he does: a state-appointed therapist he sees early on; a protective mother who chastises him for playing peekaboo with her son on the bus; his possible love interest, a neighbor who lives in the same building; and the psychiatrist he sees in Arkham Asylum. Every one of these characters is a black woman with whom he eventually has confrontations. Phillips consistently places Fleck in an oppositional or antagonistic position to these women.
I don’t know if this is intentional on Phillips’s part, but it is significant. When we learn that his relationship with the neighbor (played with artful restraint by Zazie Beetz) was merely a figment of his troubled imagination, the way he leaves the apartment implies that this realization has led Fleck to kill her and perhaps her child. After his final conversation with the Arkham doctor, his bloody footsteps suggest that he kills her as well.
A key fact the author conveniently ignores in his article is that Arthur never blames immigrants or POC for his misfortune. When he takes a beating at the hands of non-white kids at the start of his film, his colleague calls them “animals” (a common racist term for non-white folks) but Arthur insists they’re just kids. He sympathises with them, despite the fact they brutalised him, because he doesn’t see them as an ‘other.’
And I do think that’s why, crucially, most of the female characters are black women. Whether they occupy a lower rung of society than he does is debatable, because he’s constantly framed as being in the same situation as them. He’s as impacted by the austerity cuts as they are, he rides the bus as they do, he lives in the same shitty building as they do. To quote his therapist: “they don’t give a shit about you, and they don’t give a shit about me, either.”
Arthur doesn’t just have confrontations with them, he has an imaginary relationship with one. Whether he murders her or not is left ambiguous and up to the audience to decide her fate. We can’t say for sure that she’s dead, and that’s the theme of the entire film. We have no idea if anything is real or all in his head when he’s in the asylum.
And that’s the brilliant point.
Arthur’s world is dominated by black women because black women are one of the minorities most affected by institutional prejudice, facing discrimination for both their race and their gender. In 1970s America, they were some of the most invisible people around, ignored by the wealthy and powerful. So Arthur relates to them.
Phillips’ decision to use black women offers a double message that they, too, are suffering under austerity and classism. This isn’t just a white lonesome man’s struggle, it’s a reality for black women everywhere. Arthur’s situation isn’t exceptional because your neighbour, your therapist, the woman on your bus with her kid - they’re all going through it without going on a murderous rampage. If you feel for Arthur’s plight, you feel for theirs too. It’s fucking brilliant.
As for why he has confrontations with them - he has confrontations with literally everyone. Literally everyone treats him badly. Again, that’s. the. point. Except for the black man at Arkham Asylum who tells him to go get help, who’s just doing his job and feels pity for Arthur. But hey, the author ignores that.
Fleck kills white men because he cannot access their status and is ostracized by them, but his black female victims are so invisible that the film does not bother to show their deaths. We as viewers can and should take note of them.
Arthur killed the three white boys on the subway because they were beating the shit out of him for no other reason than him laughing. They were cruel and sadistic, and he’d just been fired from the job he loved so was on his last nerve. He killed his white ex-colleague for framing him and having the balls to still ask him to lie on his behalf so he could keep his job, when he had Arthur fired. He killed Murray for demeaning him and mocking his plight.
Every person killed on-screen was white. Every person killed on-screen was because Arthur felt they’d done him wrong. Zazie’s character is unconfirmed if dead. The psychiatrist at the asylum is implied to be dead, but Arthur’s transformation to the Joker is complete and it’s entirely possible that the act in itself demonstrates (after having sympathised with black women before) that Arthur’s sanity has cracked and his humanity has been replaced by the chaos of the Joker, who cares little for any life, even that of a marginalised minority he once related to.
There are other ways that whiteness informs Fleck’s character. He anticipates he’ll be treated as a son by the Wayne family, and assumes he’ll be given medical records just by asking the hospital orderly (played by the great Brian Tyree Henry). The privileges that come with Fleck’s race set him up for these unrealistic expectations. When they’re not met, the consequences are deadly.
It’s almost as if Arthur has no concept of reality and has little understanding of the way the world works and naively believes that things will just happen because he wants them to. It’s almost as if he has severe parental issues and was so desperate for a father, he even imagined Murray calling him the son he’d always wanted. It’s almost as if this has been established in the film multiple times.
Whiteness may not have been on the filmmakers’ minds when they made “Joker,” but it is the hidden accomplice that fosters the violence onscreen.
Let’s take a film that offers a brutal outlook on the impact of mental illness on one’s psyche and sanity and demean the entire message, important as it is, and try to steer a much needed conversation on mental health towards something that doesn’t concern it. As a POC, I find articles like this so, so damaging to the fight against racism.
It essentially weakens our arguments and offers ammunition to those that believe POC just hate white people for no other reason than, “ur white and I don’t like it.” Way to go, NYT.
Guaranteed, if Joker had been black or brown and white women were only used, there’d be a backlash against the narrative for painting men of colour as unstable and white women as victims because men of colour aren’t allowed to be mentally ill, only terrorists and criminals. Which is what Joker ultimately ends up becoming. Can’t win, can you?
Thank u for coming to my ted talk.
#sorry I went off#I'm open to valid criticism#but to turn this into a race issue#and ignoring the conversation of mental health#doesn't help anyone#because we NEED to talk about mental health and austerity#it's a VERY REAL ISSUE affecting SO MANY PEOPLE#also people are assholes and we need to try and not be assholes and that's a lesson too lawrence but go off i guess#joker spoilers#go to sleep aly
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“Joker” Review: Send in the (Problematic) Clowns
Directed by Todd Philips
Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Robert De Niro, Zazie Beets, Frances Conroy
“Joker,” on paper at least, has a message most us can all agree on.
Over the last five or six years, mental health has been a subject of increasing importance for a variety of reasons from millennial burnout, substance abuse, increases in suicide and the stigma is slowly dying away. People are more concerned than ever about it and, generally speaking, everyone wants the system to do better at addressing it in society.
(”Office Space” continues to be more and more relatable every year...)
Throughout its two-hour runtime “Joker” makes the case for better mental healthcare and a society that’s more empathetic to the mentally ill. For some viewers this is a much-needed discussion on a complicated topic through the medium of pop culture’s most famous psychopath.
For others (me), the problem is it goes about this in an extremely problematic way that grossly mischaracterizes the problem, the people afflicted by it and namely who the victims really are, making some of the pre-film controversy unfortunately not all too inaccurate.
“Joker” takes place in early 1980s where a man named Arthur Fleck cares for his disabled mother in an increasingly hostile Gotham battling the unfair social structures of society. Arthur struggles with his mental health, seeing a social worker each week, taking multiple psychoactive drugs to keep his mind intact, and failing to keep down a Tourette like laugh that estranges those around him. As the world gets increasingly more difficult to live in around him Arthur begins to see himself in a new way and wonder’s what the point of participating any longer in it, thus beginning a series of events that will change his life and the city forever.
One of the core appeals of Gotham’s most sadistic psychopath, The Joker, has always been that the motives behind his violence have rarely had a clear reason behind them.
Other than to piss off Batman, The Joker just kind of does things because he can and kills for the exact same reasons. There’s no reasoning behind it, he just doesn’t believe in much of anything. It’s just chaos and he loves it. There’s some twisted nihilistic appeal to that in a cruel world that relentlessly reminds us many times of it and it’s what made the Clown Prince of Gotham such an iconic villain across all forms of media.
Because we all kind of want to stop caring, even just a little.
(Iconic.)
But what happens when you try to give a character like this a reason behind his twisted psyche? Does it take away or enhance the character? Many writers have toyed with this concept but never concretely answered it whether it was Alan Moore alluding to him having a “bad day” in “Killing Joke,” or the intentionally vague and confusing backstory Christopher Nolan gave the character in “The Dark Knight.”
The question behind who The Joker is, and why he is, is never truly answered in any case. They still tend to keep it mysterious because well, giving a concrete reason to this character’s particular madness kind of takes away from what makes him interesting. To quote Ledger’s Joker he’s an “Agent of Chaos” and nothing more. The Joker doesn’t care so why should we?
(Let’s really not care about this version though. Like seriously. In fact, throw it in the trash and shoot it into the sun...)
But director Todd Philips decided to give the character his first real motive behind his psychosis in “Joker” and while it can be admirable that he attempted something no other writer or director has done, and in some small way has a positive message to it, the results is at best a boring slog of a movie and at worst a problematic depiction of the mentally ill.
“Joker” certainly get’s A-pluses in plenty of areas of course; Joaquin Phoenix probably deserves an Oscar for his twisted depiction of a pre-clown prince Joker as he fully takes on the character’s twisted, emaciated skin and Philips certainly creates a believable pre-Batman Gotham city with some effective Scorsese-esque shot creation and sets. The movie though is extremely predictable as nothing all that surprising happens from beginning to end. It’s just one shitty moment for Arthur after another, culminating with (SPOILER) Arthur’s encounter with a young Bruce Wayne that leads to the final moments of the film.
(Did we really need to put Bruce through this again onscreen? The MCU gave Uncle Ben a reprieve at least...)
I wish I could get into the more superficial reasons this movie doesn’t work, such as its overly self-serious dialogue, Philips making some perhaps unintentionally humorous moments in the movie but the problem is truly it’s muddled script that appears to not really understand what mental health issues look like and who the real victims are.
“Joker” appears to make the case that society has largely ignored and left behind those with this stigma, that we are responsible for not engaging with the problem actively and not caring about the problem. Throughout the film, Gotham and its inhabitants are relentlessly cruel to Arthur, sometimes to the point where it can be over the top, showing that this is what we do to people like Arthur in the real world. They are beaten both physically and mentally and we refuse to understand or acknowledge their existence and their problems.
In this way the film almost endorses Arthur’s eventual turn to violence as the price paid for ignoring people like this.
(I’m amazed how literal some of these memes ended up being after watching this movie...)
Again, the problem with this film isn’t that this isn’t a tremendous issue in society because it is; suicide rates are climbing, despite progress in mental health awareness many country’s still stigmatize it as a “you problem,” and healthcare in this country, well you know the drill. The problem is the film seems to make the claim that these folks who are left behind by these broken systems are in danger of becoming violent monsters and it’s fucking gross.
I cannot stress this enough when I say this but there is NO CONNECTION between mental health problems and an increase in violence. In fact, they are far more likely, ten times more likely in fact, to be the victims of the kind of monster The Joker is in this movie.
The idea that simply better healthcare will make those with mental health issues less likely to commit violence isn’t a new one. The NRA and other small-brained politicians (left and right) have been scapegoating them since the days of Columbine and our doofus of a “president” isn’t far behind in licking those boots.
In the wake of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas shooting, as protesters did walkouts to decry gun violence, the mental health “advocates” made a counter protest called “walk-up” encouraging students to talk to each other more and engage with the outcasts in their schools.
While I certainly can agree that we should all try to be nicer to each other instead of not at all, it grossly ignores the fact that the shooter, Nicholas Cruz, was reportedly abusive, sexist and racist to his fellow classmates. Tell me, in what world would it be smart or safe, especially for a female student, to engage with a guy like this? Cruz didn’t kill people because he had “mental health problems,” he killed people because he was evil asshole.
(Yup, these people definitely look just some misunderstood social outcasts who were just in need of a few more hugs and some happy pills. Yup....)
Again, I can’t stress this enough lack of mental healthcare doesn’t make super villains; it’s pure fiction like this movie. Throughout the film Arthur is bombarded with slight after slight after slight be it from the institutions that leave him in the dust or the people around him. The movie kind of wants to state that the intuitions need more help but weirdly at the same time shouldn’t be trusted as Arthur is openly hostile with them throughout the movie. It’s almost comical at times as after a while and some viewers might find themselves after a while going “ok, we get it. The world is really mean to this guy, when does he become The Joker?”
The point is though, the motives behind great acts of violence have rarely, if ever, been about not being able to get access to some guy’s prescription drugs. In fact, the truly mentally ill are far more likely to be a danger to themselves than to others (as stated in a few of these articles linked already).
But for argument’s sake let’s pretend that this is not meant to be a literal depiction of how mental healthcare in society has failed people. Let’s say its metaphorical instead, that those with mental health issues become monsters within their own minds, hell the movie kind of alludes to a bent reality that may or may not have happened within Arthur Fleck’s mind.
(It’s actually one of the few narrative choices I liked about this movie, so A for effort, Mr. Philips.)
The problem with that is that again it depicts the mentally ill as monsters instead of the victims of those kinds of people. The movie does make a point of depicting the system as monstrous but again a person like The Joker as a product of that is misleading of what is actually going on.
Depicting the mentally ill as monsters, be it metaphorical or literal, will do more harm than good to those who are afflicted by these issues.
While I do not subscribe to the idea, necessarily, that movies create shooters these films definitely don’t exist in a vacuum either. Afterall there are still d-bags who think Tyler Durden is the real hero of “Fight Club,” and idolize maniacs like Al Pacino’s “Scarface” because they’re “badass’s.” I went into this movie thinking the pre-trailer controversy was likely overblown but I came out of it thinking some incel asshole could absolutely find something to relate to in this particular version of The Joker.
This movie has proven to me that the Joker’s origins are simply best left mysterious. He is just best used as a stand-in for chaos and anarchy with no specific goals or ideologies. Though his psychosis has certainly been the stuff of speculation behind his motives for decades by the fans its never been about him being crazy so much as it is about him being the antithesis to Batman’s ridgid sense of law and order.
youtube
(Probably the best cinematic depiction of that clash of ideologies.)
The Joker is a fascinating character and there’s a reason fans have gravitated to him for so long and inspired plenty of writers, directors and actors to try their hand with him. But any amount of understanding regarding what’s going on with mental health in society will take you out of this movie almost instantly for most people.
I think fans of this movie have perhaps latched on to the right messages of the movie, namely that we do need to do better with mental health and the mentally ill in this country, and I definitely don’t disagree with that, but the conclusions this movie appears to come to just aren’t right and it makes the movie damn near unwatchable for myself at least.
I’ll close with this though, “Joker” is inspiring in one way and one way only for me and that’s that it may cause a change in the way Hollywood see’s this genre of movies. I’ve written extensively myself about how, at times, the MCU has too rigidly adhered to the blockbuster formula and created almost a factory-line style of movies for the general populace to devour but a film like this, that is enjoying quite a bit of success right now, could change the way major studios approach these characters.
(The blockbuster formula can be great though sometimes if done right. Exhibit A ^)
Superheroes are modern Greek myths these days and have tons of source material and nuance to mine for directors and writers. Restricting them just to simple heavily CGI, action blockbusters is a disservice to their extensive catalog of stories and the comic book writers that made them famous.
While “Joker” is definitely not my favorite comic book movie of all-time I can respect that it took the risk of doing something different and going against the grain of most of the rest of the genre. If it inspires Hollywood to greenlight newer and more unique depictions of these characters I’m all for it.
In the end though, “Joker” is a mess of a movie that sends some right messages but ultimately the wrong one. If you enjoyed it great, I won’t stop you but I do ask you to think about how this movie could be twisted in the wrong ways as well.
After all, we live in a society...
VERDICT:
2 out of 5
Can we all agree at least this is still the best version of The Clown Prince of Gotham?
#Joker#Joker movie#The Joker#Batman#The Dark Knight#Batman Begins#Christopher Nolan#Todd Philips#DC#DC comics#DCEU#Dawn of Justice#MCU#Marvel#Marvel Comics#marvel cinematic universe#Heath ledger#joaquin phoenix#Robert Deniro#martin scorsese#Gotham#Gotham City#Comic Books#comics#graphic novel#The Killing Joke#Mental Health#Mental Health awareness#mentally insane#insane
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hung the moon...
a/n: some of you may dislike the ending as its a bit of a cliffhanger. i couldn’t make up my mind. may write a second part to this one. feedback is glorious + nourishing fruit.
summary: noah + the new costar who hates him get stuck in a precarious situation. costar’s faceclaim is the beautiful zazie beetz.
word count: 2638
warnings: none
You couldn’t really place it. You didn’t know what it was about him, or the general idea of him, that you found so untoward and irritating. You had enough self-awareness to realize that it may be the complete makings of your own neurosis and natural distrust but you just couldn’t shake it.
Everyone positively loved him. He had the cast and crew practically eating out of his hands. The girls in hair and makeup laughed at all his silly, menial jokes. The director showered him with compliments and tempered direction. Your co-stars would retell stories from the nights you went to bed early about some stupid prank he pulled on someone.
All in all, it seemed like you were the only one not fully on the Noah Centineo train.
But really, that was completely okay with you. You didn’t have the time or energy or mental capacity to be sucked into the false charm of another male co-star.
Been there, done that, didn’t even get a t-shirt.
At this point, you wanted to focus on your craft; wanted to truly harness your emotive propensities. You wanted to give a stellar performance and then get onto the next set, with a completely new group of people and hopefully not be cast alongside the world’s next biggest heartthrob.
You hope that your reticence with him isn’t coming off in your scenes together. You try to play it off as how your character would organically feel in a situation of love triangle proportions. You watch the dailies and can see that slight sheened veneer you put on when your characters are entangled. Whether emotionally or physically, or in the most difficult of spaces when both were required.
You’d skipped out on the suggested bonding practices that predated production and have maybe said 5 words to him directly when not in character. Though he’s tried numerous times to bridge the gap.
You continued to tell yourself it wasn’t unprofessional, you were simply protecting yourself. You wondered if your faux indifference would make for awkward promo after the film’s end but hadn’t thought that far in advance.
You were an actress after all. You knew how to fake it so you weren’t actually that concerned.
But this was the first time on one of your only days off that the director wanted you to meet her at a new location prior to shooting there.
Your reverence for her work made the inconvenience well worth it. Even in the middle of a very chilly fall in New York.
While waiting for the elevator doors to open in a rickety old building, you see Noah approaching.
You hadn’t realized you had both been called for this specific task. You’re instantly annoyed and pull your jacket around yourself snuggly.
He looks just as surprised to see you but doesn’t say anything.
You wait for the elevator in complete silence which seems to be taking literal years to make it down to the first floor, the little illuminating button almost taunting you with its beaming.
Finally, the doors slowly open and you walk in, he follows you a few paces behind.
He casually leans against the opposite side of the elevator and watches you push the button for the 7th floor.
“You know what this is about?” Noah finally says loosely, you can feel the weight of his gaze on the side of your face.
You shake your head lightly.
“It’s cold today,” he offers.
He’s talking about the weather and you want to die. You want to just vanish into a million little pieces.
You hate talking about the weather. You hate small talk with a passion that rivals little else.
Small talk was a waste of energy and vocal undulations.
You offer no verbal response.
Suddenly, the elevator jolts, sending you toward the button panel and then immediately stills.
Your ears start to ring as you immediately realize what just happened. You can tell Noah is saying something but you can’t make it out.
“No… no, no…” you mutter as you hit the panel. You try the emergency button, nothing. Then you hit any button in a desperate attempt to get the elevator moving again.
You feel your stomach drop when nothing happens.
“Shit,” you kick the bottom of the door which causes a jolt of pain to shoot through your foot.
You remember he’s there when you feel his hands brushing yours away from the panel.
“Don’t do that, you’ll only jam it,” Noah explains, calmly.
You angle away from his touch.
“Don’t touch me,” you mutter. You almost think you said it in your head until you look at him and realize his expression has gone from concerned to confused.
“You’re right,” Noah admits quickly, he takes a step away from you. “I’m sorry. I shouldn't have touched you.”
Pain radiates from you booted foot.
“Fuck, that hurt,” you complain, attempting to put weight on your foot.
“Yeah, well elevator’s are made of steel,” Noah remarks as he takes out his phone. “No service.”
“Ugh,” you mutter as you squeeze your eyes shut against the ever impending reality of your current circumstance. You quickly glance at your phone. “Damnit!”
You repress the urge to throw it against the closed steel doors.
“What did I do to deserve this?” You demand to the unmoving metal.
“Someone will notice the elevator isn’t working,” Noah reasons gently. He’s retreated back to his corner.
“In this damn near deserted building?”
“Right.”
Silence looms as you attempt to slow your racing heart by pulling some deep breaths.
“How are you so calm?” You accuse.
He shrugs. He’s studying you. The way he sometimes did. The way he did when you were on set, or running lines with someone else or at dinner with the entire cast. You’ve caught him quietly contemplating some aspect of you and always immediately acted as if you didn’t see it.
You had a feeling he was always trying to silently figure you out.
But you weren’t budging. You refused to fall for whatever guise he operated under.
“I just don’t feel the need to freak out,” he offers simply. “It’ll start working again.”
You huff and continue to glare at the elevator panel.
Of course the universe would conspire to have you stuck in an elevator with this man. That’s exactly what type of track you were on personally.
Even if your professional life was flourishing, your personal life and emotional safety weren’t necessarily corresponding.
“I can take a look at your foot if you want,” Noah offered loosely.
“Does that line typically work for you?”
“Don’t really have much occasion to use it,” he countered without missing a beat. “Can’t say that I’ve seen many women kick steel elevator doors.”
“You aren’t a doctor,” you exclaim. “You wouldn’t even know what to look for. It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“Okay.”
You silently stare at the doors, willing the elevator to start back up again. You really need to get out of there.
“Hey, listen… if I ever did or said something to offend you, I’m really sorry,” he offers evenly.
You still can’t look at him but you feel momentarily bad until you realize that this softness, this unending affable posturing that he seemed to be angling at wasn’t gonna work on you.
You’ve been a sucker before and those days were long gone.
“You didn’t offend me, Noah,” you begin carefully. Your anxiety still looming at the reality of this enclosed space. “I just don’t buy it.”
“I’m sorry, what? What don’t you buy?”
“Your whole schtick. The act,” you respond. “The effortlessly charming ‘nice guy.’ The internet’s boyfriend. Maybe everyone else eats it up, but I see right through it.”
There’s silence on the tail end of your claim. You almost want to look at his expression after your admission but feel it better to keep your attention outward.
Then you hear a small chuckle and you’re instantly infuriated.
“When did you become an expert on ‘schtick’s’?” He questions. “Is it a class you can take?”
“Fuck you-”
He completely bypasses that remark.
“Do you typically so easily pass judgment on people without knowing them or is that a specific distinction I get the privilege of.”
“I don’t need to know you to be able to peep your whole game,” you retort.
You finally do look at him. His arms and legs crossed, leaning against the elevator. The way he’s holding his body reminds you of the easy posture of someone who looks like he’s lying down while upright. Utterly relaxed. His gaze is unflinching.
“There is no game,” Noah corrects. “I’m not the way I am for any type of personal gain.”
You laugh now. You think that maybe mirroring his own reactions will somehow allow you to calm down and make you less unnerved by his own ease. Because all it’s actually doing is making you more irritated.
“No gain? Besides everyone thinking you hung the moon, right? Okay.”
“You’re wrong,” he offers simply.
“That’s doubtful.”
“It’s actually unfortunate that you’ve relied so heavily on this narrative that’s a complete fabrication,” Noah responds. “Because if you hadn’t, then maybe we’d actually be friends or at least civil and you wouldn’t be standing in a stalled elevator seething because of some misguided hatred.”
“Oh my God,” you lament loudly, turning back to the elevator and banging on the door. “Let me out of here!”
“That won’t help.”
“Please stop talking.”
“Sure.”
He goes silent and the silence is almost worse than hearing his incessant gabbing.
You feel a well of emotion come up dissimilar to the anger and terror you’d been trying to mask since the elevator stopped.
“You men are the fucking worst,” you mutter, not even to him directly but you know he hears you.
“What’s his name?”
“Who?”
“Whoever has you out here distrusting complete strangers,” Noah ponders.
“Names, plural. Your kind are real winners,” you remark, taking a deep breath in an attempt to try and subside some of the sadness creeping in.
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying that. You are also not a complete stranger. You have a very public persona.”
“As do you,” Noah reminds you. “Or one that’s been crafted around your relationship at least, but unlike you, I don’t necessarily believe it.”
You prickle at that. Just the mention of your ex sends you to another realm you can’t really occupy in such close quarters. You feel like the elevator is much too small for all the vitriol you hold for him and your memories.
“I’m not talking to Disney channel’s wonder child about any of this.”
“You’re mean,” he observes lightly. But he doesn’t actually seem offended. Which is weird to you.
Were you trying to break him? Trying to rile him? What were you actually doing besides internally screaming for something?
“But maybe not as much as I originally thought,” Noah continues thoughtfully. “If I’m honest, it sort of hurt my feelings that you were so kind to everyone else. I tried not to take it personally. But more than mean I think you’re hurt.”
“Please do me a favor and don’t ever fix your mouth in an attempt to psychoanalyze me again.”
You look up at the elevators mirrored ceiling and let out a primal scream. Once it’s out, you bend over, bracing yourself with your hands against your knees, just praying that the elevator will start working.
You silently count to 10 with your eyes squeezed shut. When you open them there’s no change.
You feel worse.
“We’re gonna die in here,” you say desperately.
“We will not die in here,” Noah assures you.
“What do you know?”
“It’s a shame our characters don’t hate each other,” Noah offers thoughtfully. “You’d have a head start.”
“You’re not important enough to hate, Noah,” you exclaim bitterly.
“Ouch.”
You feel yourself vacillating between anger, fear, sadness, and panic. All emotions you don’t want anywhere near this man you’ve kept at an arm's length.
“Will you stop looking at me?” You’ve felt his eyes on you intermittently the entire time and the longer that continues, the more unnerved you become.
“Where else am I supposed to look?”
You can tell he’s trying to be playful. Which is maddening and also a bit sweet because you momentarily forget you’re freaking out.
“Anywhere else.”
“I’m looking at you because you’re trembling,” Noah offers gently.
“It’s fucking freezing.”
“Hey, look at me,” Noah requests after a moment. It takes you a full 7 seconds to bring yourself to do as he says.
His gaze is so gentle and innocent, you almost feel like you’ll burst into tears just looking at him.
“I will not hurt you.”
Those words hit you with every ounce of sincerity they are uttered alongside.
You instantly believe him and you’re pissed about it.
He straightens and walks toward you. Which is only about two paces in that elevator. His hand’s tentatively on your shoulder and it’s only then when you physically feel just how much you are shaking.
“Is this okay?”
You nod your head wordlessly. He outstretches his other arm and with the most subtle movements, wraps you into a light hug.
You lean against him instantly, your body finally being cued to relax for the first time since the elevator stalled. Your hands come up and grasp the sides of his jacket, your ear against his chest.
He tightens his arms around you as you sink further into his warmth.
“Your heart is racing,” he mutters.
“Anxiety,” you sigh. “How are you so warm?”
“I don’t know, I just run hot.”
Being in his arms feels so good. You want to believe it’s just his body heat and the lack of your own but it’s something else. Something that pulls at the pit of your stomach and knaws at your conscious.
If someone would have told you, even 12 hours ago, that Noah would be holding you in this moment, you would have laughed in their face.
Maybe you were wrong about him.
That realization makes your heart drop and all the myriad of emotions that well up in you are steeped in regret and embarrassment.
He’s being so sweet to you and you’ve been nothing but a pain in the ass.
You feel your eyes burn with tears as you wrap your arms completely around him beneath his jacket.
“I’m sorry I’ve been such a bitch to you,” you mutter. You attempt to school your tears but they won’t be reasoned with.
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay,” you exclaim against his chest, your voice breaking. “I have such a shitty track record with charming men, I just clammed up. I didn’t even get to know you on a basic human level and that’s so embarrassing. I’m so sorry.”
The tears are flowing now and you feel absolutely mortified.
He pulls back briefly just to peer into your face. He wordlessly wipes away your tears and envelops you back into his arms. This only makes you cry harder.
Where did this deep generosity come from? Why was he so willing to freely give it?
“Shhhh,” Noah offers, resting his cheek against the top of your head. “It’s okay.”
“It’s so fucked up,” you cry into his chest. You don’t know where these tears are even coming from, or why you feel safe enough to unload them with him in this moment.
There’s a lot there that you haven’t even begun to speak of.
He’s back to wiping your tears away and his eyes look like the most delectable mixture of honey and amber and you feel certain you’re in the Twilight zone because all you want to do is kiss him as your eyes flick toward his mouth.
But you wouldn’t dare… it feels like too big a stretch and you aren’t that brave.
#noah centineo#noah centineo imagine#noah centineo fic#tatbilb#to all the boys i've loved before#peter kavinsky#peter kavinsky fic#fanfiction#one shot#sierra burgess is a loser#jamey#the stand-in#swiped
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