#but it's just ironic i guess

[regular-lord-reckoner]

a hospice nurse came out yesterday to talk to us and give us the run down of everything

she was nice and i think she's going to be his case manager while other nurses actually come out to check on him, but as soon as she left she was already putting in the orders for some medicines to help calm him and for a hospital bed and all of that

our dining table is kinda in the corner of the living room by the window so my mom and i already cleared all that out so we can put the bed there and that way he'll be right in the middle of everything and won't feel like he's just stuffed in the corner like he is in the bedroom

i kept going to just sit next to him yesterday and be by his side whenever my mom needed to go make him dinner or show the hospice nurse around because he didn't want to be alone

he was a lot more clear yesterday than he was the past couple of days and we had some very frank conversations about all of this which is good, but last night he had an anxiety attack and could barely breathe

my mom almost had to call hospice in because she didn't think he was going to make it but she managed to get him calmed down and settled

he was actually sitting up in his chair in the living room this morning but he pretty quickly had to move to the couch because he's just too tired

she and i talked this morning and i asked her how long she thinks he may have because i was thinking months maybe but she said we'll be lucky if he makes it to his birthday which is the 25th so that's...rough

she said there's just no fight left in him and his doctors are even talking about discontinuing a bunch of his meds and stuff

just...yeah.

i mean, i knew it was going to happen at some point, but i really didn't think it would be like...now. right now.

there still might be a chance he can turn this around and i think it's fucking crazy because i swear to god just like a week ago he was out on the back porch on the exercise bike, albeit he wasn't killing it on the fucking thing, but like...still

for a few minutes he was sitting and peddling a little and could walk back to his chair without a cane or using his wheelchair as a walker, he was able to make his own lunch and get himself a cup of coffee, at one point i even remember i was standing behind him just in case but he was scooting through the house like, "look at me go" and now it's like he's on death's door and i've heard this happens, it's not uncommon for people to do a big upswing right before the end where it seems like, "oh, okay, nice!!" and even his reports from his tests were looking fine, everything was seemingly okay but now i don't know anymore

i guess we'll just take each day at a time. my mom's going to see how this weekend goes but more than likely she's going to take another break from work and said she'd just go without pay, she just can't fathom being at fucking work and he ends up passing and i don't blame her a bit. since i work from home i think i'll try to still work as much as i can but ive got at least two weeks worth of pto already stored up and ready to go and whenever it's time, if it's next week or a month from now or whenever i'll just take that and fuck work

i just hate this so fucking much and i hate seeing him like this. i hate knowing that this is upsetting him but of course it fucking is. i hate knowing that he's scared. i hate so much about this but i guess there's no choice and i'm going to try to put on a brave face and do the best i can and that's that

#also last week when i was scheduling my next therapy appointment i decided to do every other week #because i felt like i was doing okay all things considered and we were kind of just saying the same things every time anyway #but uhh i might wanna reconsider that now #this week of all weeks is the one where i haven't had a session #and i don't think i need an emergent visit or anything #but it's just ironic i guess #fortunately i can do my sessions now from home we just hop on a video call together #so i won't be out of the house anymore for too long #anyway #i barely ate or drank anything yesterday and i can tell the not drinking thing is fucking me up #so i'm going to go take care of that and maybe try to get a little work done #and we'll just see how this goes #thank you for the kind words #i hope whoever's reading this has a peaceful and stress-free weekend

[newttxt]

love language barrier

a fan comic of sanji and zoro from one piece, during the wano raid scene where sanji bandages zoro.

panel 1: sanji looks disgruntled, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth as he ties strips of bandages together. he asks, “hey. still alive in there? say something, wouldja?” zoro answers from off-screen. his speech bubbles are shaky, and his words are occasionally interrupted by groans or hitches of breath. he says, “do… you think… luffy feels… attraction?”

panel 2: a closeup of sanji’s gobsmacked face, shocked by the seemingly random topic. he shouts, “what?!”

panel 3: zoro is wrapped in a cross-pose in bandages with only his face visible. he says, “on the roof… i could almost swear he was putting the moves on traffy…” sanji practically yelps, “traffy?!” with a large, jagged speech bubble.

panel 4: a closeup of sanji’s hands as he continues to wrap zoro. he says, “there’s no way. you’re hallucinating.” zoro snaps back, “he was hanging all over him! and they were fighting and arguing and stuff!” sanji replies, “and what did you think that meant?! we do that, crap-swordsman!”

panel 5: a closeup of zoro’s face. his expression looks fairly neutral, though his eyebrows are slightly raised as he processes sanji’s words.

panel 6: the same closeup of zoro, but now his brows are furrowed and his mouth is flattened in embarrassment. his cheeks are flushed as he comes to terms with the realization that arguing is not always considered a form of flirtation.

panel 7: a full-body silhouette of sanji tending to zoro by candlelight. after a moment of silence, sanji asks, “mosshead. how hard did kaido hit you.” zoro answers, “pretty fucking hard.” sanji repeats, “pretty fucking hard, yeah.”

#one piece #zoro #sanji #zosan #kinda… zoros trying #lulaw #uh. implied. i guess. up to you if its just in zoros head or not #trying something new with the alt text… if anyone has any suggestions feel free to let me know #the character limit makes it tricky for comics and i have several more in the works so i might as well iron this out now

[inkskinned]

sometimes we just need someone to pay enough attention.

for the longest time i had been trying to read The Lord of The Rings. everyone had sung the praises for it, over and over. i'd seen clips of the movie and it seemed like it could be fun, but actually reading it was fucking horrible.

my parents had the omnibus - all the books squished into one big tome - and in the 4th grade i started sort of an annual tradition: i would start trying to read TLR and get frustrated after about a month and put it back down. at first i figured i was just too young for it, and that it would eventually make sense.

but every time i came back to it, i would find myself having the exact same experience: it was confusing, weird, and dry as a fucking bone. i couldn't figure it out. how had everyone else on earth read this book and enjoyed it? how had they made movies out of this thing? it was, like, barely coherent. i would see it on "classics" list and on every fantasy/sci-fi list and everyone said i should read it; but i figured that it was like my opinion of great expectations - just because it's a classic doesn't mean i'm going to like experiencing it.

at 20, i began the process of forcing myself through it. if i had to treat the experience like a self-inflicted textbook, i would - but i was going to read it.

my mom came across me taking notes at our kitchen table. i was on the last few pages of the first book in the omnibus, and i was dreading moving on to the next. she smiled down at me. only you would take notes on creative writing. then she sat down and her brow wrinkled. wait. why are you taking notes on this?

i said the thing i always said - it's boring, and i forget what's happening in it because it's so weird, and dense. and strange.

she nodded a little, and started to stand up. and then sat back down and said - wait, will you show me the book?

i was happy to hand it over, annoyed with the fact i'd barely made a dent in the monster of a thing. she pulled it to herself, pushing her glasses up so she could read the tiny writing. for a moment, she was silent, and then she let out a cackle. she wouldn't stop laughing. oh my god. i cannot wait to tell your father.

i was immediately defensive. okay, maybe i'm stupid but i've been trying to read this since the 4th grade and -

she shook her head. raquel, this is the Silmarillion. you've been reading the Silmarillion, not the lord of the rings.

anyway, it turns out that the hobbit and lord of the rings series are all super good and i understand why they're recommended reading. but good lord (of the rings), i wish somebody had just asked - wait. this kind of thing is right up your alley. you love fantasy. it sounds like something might be wrong. why do you think it's so boring?

#thanks for reminding me this happened #writeblr #warm up #i don't think this story translates well to the page #IRONIC!!!! :) #but yeah man i read the Silmarillion before i read the hobbit #the omnibus didn't explain what it was and i figured - you start at the beginning and then you read from the beginning #that's how books work #how was i supposed to know #EDIT IN THE TAGS: hi i think i worded this in a confusing way #the omnibus had ALL the stories in it - the silm #the hobbit #and all of LOTR #they just put the silm in the front so i thought logically it was the first book #that's how an omnibus usually works after all - the first book in the series is the first book in the tome #to be fair i GUESS the silm takes place “before” the hobbit????

[eddiezpaghetti]

Okay, so my experience with Stranger Things is a weird one.

I didn't care when it first came out, started to watch it out of "might as well" in 2020, wasn't interested in it enough to make it past S2, forgot about it outside of going "oh, hey, cool, there's a lesbian in it now, I guess," in S3, got really annoyed when "Running Up That Hill" got popular from it because it was a song I listened to on fucking loop after one of my best friends died in high school and I fully expected its appearance in the show to ignore the whole survivor's guilt theme of the song (and was very happy to learn later that it did the exact opposite of ignoring the lyrics), saw people drawing Eddie, suddenly got a lot more interested, watched just the fourth season like a fucking psychopath because I was seriously only there for Eddie, then got interested enough to start the show over properly, having mostly forgotten what I did watch of the show before.

And let me tell you something from the perspective of someone who started with the complete fourth season, who wasn't there from the start, who wasn't tainted by ship goggles or this internal battle of hope and despair, who wasn't theorizing about what the painting could be or expecting Mike and Will to kiss when Volume 2 happened or rooting for Mike and Eleven's relationship to go down in flames or whatever the fuck. Just someone who went blind into Season 4.

It's really fucking obvious that Will and Mike are gonna be endgame.

Like holy fuck. It's so fucking blatant I don't even know why people are nervous.

No sane fucking person would shoot this scene this way if they wanted the audience to care about El and Mike as a couple. Despite being all blurry in the background, Will's reaction to what's happening here is smackdab in the fucking middle, clearly showing that the important part is what's going through his head here. What he's feeling. It's like the opposite of that scene from Kingdom Hearts II where Sora and Riku reunite and Kairi just fucking vanishes into the aether while it's happening because, despite the fact that she was standing between them when the scene began, she doesn't matter to the scene, so she's just kind of gone when the camera angle changes. Will could have been behind one of their heads, or so far in the distance he blends in with the background, but he's not. He's so obvious that despite being massively blurred out, he's still the first goddamn thing you look at. What, you think that's an accident? You think he's in the middle of this dramatic fucking scene because of a mistake? He basically has a big flashing neon arrow pointing at him with "THIS IS THE POINT" being screamed through a megaphone.

And then this?

They're paired up like they're taking fucking prom pictures. Each one of these pairs is so fucking close to one another and so fucking far from everyone else. It's not, "Oh, they're standing vaguely near each other in a group shot," it's fucking Noah's Ark out here. Again, there's no way to take this as an accident. It's not just a framing issue. If they wanted to make the shot look balanced while still not hiding anyone else behind El, they would have scattered people around much more naturally. Even if they wanted to keep Nancy with Jonathan and Hopper with Joyce, there's so much room on that hill for three people to stand on El's left and three on her right. But they didn't do that. They put Mike and Will together on purpose in the most obvious way possible.

Like I get that coming up with crackpot theories is fun in and of itself and I'm not blaming anyone for having fun. I totally get the appeal of arguing a point and reaching for every stupid little thing to pull into it because it's like a game, okay? I've done that. But if you're trying to actually convince someone (whether it's someone who wants to believe or someone who's pissed at the very idea that Mike and Will could be in love), stay away from blue and yellow lights, stay away from costume design, stay away from the existence of closets in backgrounds. And don't worry about whether Mike's gay or bi when he's in love with Will either way. I'll give you a little tip about persuasion: You're only as strong as your weakest argument. Even if you've got strong stuff in there, too, the person you're trying to convince is going to dismiss anything you say as complete insanity the second you start going on an entire tangent about the shape of a character's fucking pocket.

Sometimes, clothes are just clothes. Sometimes, there's a closet in the background because it helps establish that a character is in a bedroom. Sometimes, blue and yellow are just a couple of colors that look nice together. And sure, it might be set designers and costume designers and cinematographers smirking and winking at the audience from behind the camera. But if the show was just those things, instead of those things in the context of everything else, they wouldn't be saying anything of note.

But this?

This tells a story all on its own. Someone with no context can look at this and automatically assume that each paired person is standing with someone they care about deeply, seeking comfort as they watch some sort of disaster unfold. And yeah, romantic couples usually come in twos, and we live in an amatonormative society, so that's going to be the first association anyone makes seeing a bunch of people paired off.

It's the same reason you look at this

And go, "Oh..."

"Those two are probably a couple."

And I genuinely don't understand how people could have watched S4 Vol. 2 and gotten scared. Because as someone who went in with no investment whatsoever, I just looked at these two--

--and went, "Oh, those two are a couple. Good for them." And I moved on. Shut up about the trees for five seconds and just see the forest for what it is.

Oh, and if you're still nervous? Little thing from a storyteller here: You don't leave a hanging thread like "Will confessed his romantic feelings for Mike by projecting them onto El, but Mike either didn't understand or at least didn't say he understood," without coming back to that later. That's Chekov's gun hanging on the wall, babes. It's gonna fire at some point. If Mike was going to reject Will's feelings, if they weren't relevant, they would have had that discussion in Argyle's van. There'd be no reason to leave you in suspense.

#byler #meta #stranger things #theory #I mean I fucking guess #in the same way gravity is a fuckin' theory. #It feels silly that I even have to say this honestly. #Watching people freak out over these two feels like I'm being pranked. #Like you guys aren't pulling a Goncharov are you? Just making believe there's any chance these two aren't gonna be endgame? #Like completely ironically? And I'm too autistic to catch it? #It genuinely feels like I'm explaining that red and blue make purple here. As if you guys should have learned this in kindergarten. #Or like watching whole-ass adults watch Cinderella for the first time and being on the edge of their seat #wondering if she's going to live happily ever after with the prince or not. #It feels like I'm talking DOWN to people and I don't WANT it to feel like that but it's so obvious and I don't want people to be like #anxious for no reason you know? #Like I get that we're all scarred from queerbaiting and I know you guys are biased from years of shipping these kids. #But like. These guys? The most obvious 'there's only one way this could go' couple I've ever seen? You're scared about THEM?

[front-facing-pokemon]

#salamence #THIS one is a good one. someone else mentioned the chin and claimed they look like lord farquaad. and would say “why YES this is Divine” and #i didn't like how accurate that was. anyway dragon/flying 4x weakness to ice my belovèd. if anyone says ice is bad #keep in mind how much of the competitive landscape it totally nullifies. ice is like. probably my second favorite type. behind electric #even though none of this is about salamence. they've got the whole primary colors thing going on but minus yellow #red and blue. red white and blue. american pokémon? big red wings that're just Flat. i really dunno what's happening here i just know it's #supposed to be really good in competitive. and also they got a paradox form which i Guess TPC is trying to market as totally new unrelated #pokémon but i'm always going to call them “paradox hariyama” and such instead of ~iron hands~ or whatever they're supposed to be called #don't want my pokémon names to have two words in them……

[puppyeared]

mascot

#this isnt vent dw!!! i dont smoke either i was just kinda going for some sort of vibe #i know its usually played for laughs or like. dark humor whenever ppl draw mascots without their heads and u can see the actor #but i always found it fascinating and a little sobering. ever since i was a kid ive always been hyperaware of ppl in costumes #like. even if i tried to block it out id be thinking the whole time 'its not real. theres a person in that suit who gets paid to do this' #it used to be an uncomfortable nagging feeling but now its like. oh yeah theres someone with a whole life story doing this. idk #i think when i tell ppl im not conscious of my body its like. im not dysphoric or experience dissociation but. at the same time #it feels like my physical body doesnt fully outwardly represent me..?? like some sort of costume #i like to phrase it as being a giant hairless mecha and inside theres a very tiny puppy piloting the damn thing #and the other thing is. when i draw my sona i dont really see it as what i /wish/ i looked like or how i want people to see me #its like being in a costume and just. fucking around with some sort of barrier between myself and others #plus mascots arent allowed to talk and i dont really. engage with other ppl in public spaces that it kinda feels like ad lib #i share a lot abt my life but ironically im also a private person..... i guess it just gives me some sort of control over my identity #my art #myart #my oc #sona #mascot #furry #??? is this furry art???? #twinkle #puppysona #edit: had to outline it bc i just realized it looks really weird on dark mode -_-

[canisalbus]

Hello I made you some more art!! IDK Why your little guys have just stuck in my brain as of late but yeah I'm just on a roll I guess!

This piece was inspired by wondering who was present around Machete's assassination, and how people around him would react to his downfall. So I had the idea for a portrait of a final lover's embrace, as Vasco holds his dying beloved in bloodsoaked arms.

I tried my best with the clothing -- especially the shoes -- and I think I did a pretty good job but BOY were they hard! XD Anyways, I hope you like this one, it was a blast to draw! I love machete sm istg <3

.

#Machete #Vasco #own characters #coldandfoggy #gift art #hhhhadgasjgdshad??? #THIS #¿¿¿¿¿ #congratulations you've managed to deliver some immense mental damage through the ethers #and I mean that as a compliment I live for the moments when art just really Hits You Where It Hurts #loving the way the scarlet red of Machete's cassock blends seamlessly with the pool of blood #Vasco's expression speaks volumes #he was always a very touchy feely person so thinking of their final embrace just puts a pit in your stomach #poses like this are tricky but Machete looks appropriately limp and lifeless and at peace in a way that's cruelly ironic #the halo is a nice touch it kind of evokes pietà imagery #the clothing and the shoes look fine I wouldn't have guessed you had issues with them if you hadn't mentioned it #just a grand old liver punch this one #damn son #thank you for drawing the sad dog guys I'm very flattered they've made an impression! I know I'll be agonizing over this piece for a while #some potentially upsetting lore musings!! violence and tragedy and stuff: #I haven't cemented the chain of events yet but I believe he was ambushed by a single assailant when he was alone #either early in the morning or late evening #he didn't manage to put up much of a fight that time the first stab punctured a lung and the second nicked a carotid artery #I believe you lose consciousness in a minute or so and generally bleed out in less than three #Vasco wouldn't have been informed of the murder because why would he be and even if he somehow found out very quickly #the distance between Rome and Florence is roughly 250 km don't quote me on this but it looks like it'd take at least 4 days on horseback? #I think but I don't know how horses work to be honest #maybe they had some sneaky correspondence going on but if there was a pause in communications it wouldn't have been a cause for concern #so it's highly likely he'd only find out when he rolled in town for another business trip #and Machete had been buried weeks or months ago

[redhotarsenic]

This was the nicest angel they had up there!

#insert ​maniacal laughter #finished just in time for ​el woowoo wednesday 😌 #he’s got that big iron on his hip. packin that thang. #also I gave up in several places and if you can guess where you’ll win a prize! (a sense of accomplishment) #anyway. collapsing and dying I am very tired #trigun #nicholas d. wolfwood #trigun fanart

[twildflower]

#ironically green’s holding red’s arm in his headshot #if you look carefully #or i guess not. its just a hand. #also this fits game reguri a lot more but i cant find good pics so bear with me #pokespe still fits. eh. #pokemon #trainer red #reguri #trainer blue #trainer green #rival green #namelessshipping #pokemon special #pokespe #pokespe meme #originalshipping #i dont know #bet how many times i dont know have i tagged in my posts #twflpokespe #thats so cringe #im going to sleep #pray i get an eevee

[glitchyko]

Brain: Hey, you like worms?

Me: What?

Brain: Do you like worms?

Me Why are you asking me if I like-

Brain: *slaps down this boy*

Me: Agh damnit

Brain: But wait! There’s more! *pulling out lamb and Narinder and yellow cat*

#cult of the lamb #cotl #cotl leshy #cotl follower #glitchyko #glitchyko rambles #glitchyko ramble #ramble #ramblings #cotl lamb #cotl narinder #cult of the lamb narinder #cult of the lamb leshy #so uh #guess what’s starting to consume my brain #and no it’s not just narilamb #or leshy and the yellow cat #though they are getting an iron grip on me pls send help #fandom talk #fandom things #bishop leshy #follower leshy #bishop narinder #narinder x lamb #video games #silly stuff #leshy x yellow cat #send help they’re consuming my brain #aaaaaaaa I wanna draw them all #it looks so fun

[blade-that-was-broken]

“Hey Clay?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I know you don’t really like to talk about your older bro-...” 

“Did he call again? Ignore it, he’ll stop. Honestly, he should know better by now,” Clay grumbled, not looking up from his project. Last week, Bruce had called him, out of the blue. It had been a weird phone call, acting as if the last several years didn’t happen. As if Bruce didn’t just pick up and move across the country the moment he could, leaving the rest of them to their mother.

He knew he was holding a ridiculous grudge. It had been years. And Clay might have gotten over it eventually, if Bruce hadn’t replaced them with his perfect family. He barely stayed in contact - even with the brothers who weren’t as mad at him. Branch had been young when Bruce left, barely six years old. Clay wasn’t a whole ton better but at least Branch knew him to an extent. Branch at least knew his favorite color. Clay doubted Branch knew the first thing about Bruce. 

“He… he’s here.” 

Bruce wouldn’t leave his resort and his wife and well, now his kids. It was like he expected everyone to pick up and go visit him just because he lived on an exotic island or whatever. As if Clay didn’t have responsibilities or Floyd wasn’t constantly traveling. As if it was so easy for Grandma to leave the house and fly across the country. Bruce barely called and he never, ever visited - much less out of the blue like this. 

Clay stopped and looked up, his head swiveling around to look back at his best friend. Her curly blonde hair was wrapped up in a messy ponytail, which was fairly normal, but the uncertain and awkward expression on her face was definitely not the norm for her. “What?” he asked, shocked. 

She nodded. “Yeah. There is a guy down in the courtyard. He said he’s your older brother.” 

Clay shook his head. Bruce would never leave his precious wife and resort to visit him, especially when he knew how much Clay was upset with him. Had been for years. Honestly, aside from one phone call a week or two ago, Clay hadn’t really heard from him in years. Clay could have chalked it up to Bruce just knowing that he was angry with him for abandoning him - them - with their mother the first moment he could, but he barely kept in contact with Floyd and Branch as well. And they didn’t hold the hard feelings that Clay did. Not that Clay was much better; he didn’t talk to any of his brothers much either. 

“There is no way,” he protested with a huff, rolling his eyes. She must be mistaken, there was no other option. “He’s never made a trip out here. He would never leave his resort. What is he doing out here?” Viva hesitated, glancing away, which was very strange for her. She was very straightforward and easily excitable. Clay felt his brow furrow a little. “Viva…” 

“He’s not… like how you said.” 

He just sighed and took a deep breath. Bruce definitely had a way with people; he always had. Granted, Clay probably painted him in mostly a crappy light, due to the fact that whenever the subject did come up - which was extremely rare - it was not often positive. Clay had a lot of anger and probably a lot of resentment. It was a work in progress. “Look, Viv. I know he’s easy to believe. He seems soooooo friendly and charming that you want to just swoon or whatever. He’s got that effect on people but…” 

“No.” 

“No?” Clay asked, confused. She said it so strong, so flat, so sure and Clay wasn’t sure what to make of that. 

“Clay… he’s not like that at all. He was actually really quiet and awkward and super uncertain but held him with some kind of…rigidness? At least as much as he could,” Viva looked uncomfortable, like she had seen something she really didn’t like. He wasn’t sure what that was about. At the moment, he was more hung up on the description which did not sound like Bruce at all. 

He scoffed. “Bruce?” 

“He didn’t say that was his name,” Viva continued, still uncertain, glancing towards the window. “But you only have one older brother right?” 

Clay blinked and his whole world came to a standstill. “I….” 

“Clay?”

Older brothers. 

There was no way, though. He hadn’t heard anything from him since their parent’s divorce and when he was practically dragged away almost kicking and screaming. Clay barely remembered it; he tried not to. Everyone had been crying but Branch’s screaming, going along with everyone else's tears kind of drowned everything out. It hadn’t been a pretty memory and Clay avoided thinking about it. Coupling that with his mother’s systematic way of erasing anything that evoked him or their father from their house and their lives, it only took a few years for everyone to stop considering them entirely. 

His eyes widened. There was no way. There was no way it was possible. 

Clay didn’t even think. He bolted out the door, not even bothering to strip off his lab coat. There was no way. It had been at least fifteen years. What were the chances? After fifteen years? There was no way. 

He had to be sure. 

Making his way down to the courtyard, with Viva shouting after him, he scanned the area upon slamming the doors open. It had been a decade and a half. He had no idea what to look for anymore. They had all changed. 

“He’s by the fountain, sitting on the stone wall,” Viva supplied. 

That helped. He made his way over, still looking over the area until he spotted a more middle aged guy with short hair and bandages on his arm. When he looked, Viva nudged him, giving him the sign that who she had talked to was him. Definitely not Bruce. 

He looked over at Clay and recognized him, suddenly nervous. Clay just stared. That was all he could really muster up to do. “Uh… hi, Clay. I know you might not really remember me but…” 

Clay didn’t say a word at first, just launching himself at his big brother, knocking him into the grass behind in a hug. He clearly wasn’t expecting it but he took to the action pretty quickly, wrapping his arms around Clay’s back for support and to keep him from being tossed around. 

“John Dory.” 

Clay couldn’t remember the last time he thought of him, much less said his name out loud. He hated that. His eyes were squeezed shut, just soaking up the firm grasp his oldest - his oldest - brother had on him. He had so much to say and so many questions but only one happened to come out. It had been fifteen years and now John Dory just showed up out of the blue. 

“How did…how did you find me?”

It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to say. There was a lot he wanted to say and do but his mouth had run off with him, questioning so much that he really didn’t actually care the answers to. Because he was here. After fifteen years. 

“Bruce told me.” 

Clay shifted slightly. “B-Bruce?” He supposed it might have been easier to find a resort owner before some crazy older college student. Although Clay felt like he had his name out there more than his other older brother, as he had written papers and had been featured in several journals. Although it might not have been in things John might have looked through. They could be pretty niche. 

“I…” John tensed a little and hesitated. “He found me. The hospital found him, I guess? They found him and called him. I’ve been staying with him for my recovery.” 

Clay’s heart dropped as he pulled away, trying to assess. He scrambled off his brother, stepping back. “Your what?” 

John grimaced. 

Viva nudged his shoulder and spoke quietly. “Clay.” 

Clay’s eyes were drawn downward. Sure, there were bandages on his arm but John’s grip didn’t seem to be very weak so he doubted that would be so debilitating and honestly, his legs seemed fi-… where was his leg? 

“W-Where is your leg?” 

“Sudan… I think?” 

Clay just stared. 

“Right, sorry. Kinda dark humor there,” John muttered, sitting up a little more. “I was… I have been, I guess, in the military for a while. Over ten years I guess, uhm… it’s a long story. But some stuff happened, my arm got kinda burned up but it’ll be okay. Head got banged around a bit but that should be fine too. The biggest thing was my leg which… well, that ended my military career pretttyyyy quick. The hospital found Bruce and yeah, I’ve been staying with him but…. I wanted to see you. Needed to see you.” 

There was a pause. 

“Sorry, that was… that was a lot of words.” 

“When Bruce called…” Clay drifted off in realization. Bruce had called to tell Clay about John. 

“He didn’t want to freak you out.” 

“But I hung up.” 

John nodded. “Bruce didn’t really tell me anything about what happened with you guys or anything but I just… I bought a plane ticket and well, here I am.” 

Here he was. 

“Does Bruce even know you’re here?” Clay asked, uncertainly. With John’s state, it probably meant that Bruce was kind of taking care of him, which meant he was in charge of his welfare and health. John was still on leg crutches and probably couldn’t get around super well. It couldn’t have been that long since it happened. 

John snorted. “I am a grown man.” 

“Missing a leg!” 

“So?” John asked, his nose wrinkling. Clay almost felt like he had been slapped. Floyd and Branch did the same thing. “I knew a guy who lost both and guess what? He lives alone. Does just fine.” 

“He’s probably freaking out.”

“Bruce? Probably.”

“Then why are you here?” 

John tried not to look hurt. He would have done a great job too, if he hadn’t looked away. It was a telltale sign and Clay noticed. He didn’t even realize what he had said and how it came out until it was too late. He cursed himself; he didn’t want John to think he didn’t want him here. “I haven’t seen you in fifteen years, Clay. No matter how much time passes or what happens, I love you.” 

Shit. 

“Clay… he’s so cute,” Viva sniffled. “You never told me-” 

“That I existed?” John guessed, making Clay cringe. “That seems to be an ongoing theme.” 

“JD, I just…” he didn’t really know what to say. He didn’t have any excuse, really. He could blame a lot on his mother but that felt wrong to say to him. There wasn’t any real excuse that would make anyone feel better. 

“It’s alright,” John replied, although Clay could tell there was some struggle. Which made sense. No one wanted to feel forgotten by loved ones. Especially not the ones still alive. “Bruce didn’t tell his kids I existed either. I’m getting over it.” 

He shouldn’t have to get over it, Clay thought. He shouldn’t have had to do any of it. He should have spent the last fifteen years with them. He should have been there for birthdays, for their graduations, for their important moments. He should have been there when Bruce got married. For Floyd’s first show. For Clay’s best college awards. Bruce’s kids should have known their uncle their entire life, not just now and so forth. 

“She’s dead, our mother,” Clay said, blandly. He blamed her a lot, for pretty much everything. Not the divorce itself; that was both of them, but for cutting them off from his brother. For forcing his name to never be spoken. For erasing his memory. It was one thing to keep them away from their father, although Clay didn’t like that either, but to keep them away from their older brother was unforgivable for him. 

“So is dad. Over ten years.”

Ten years. Over even. John lost his family, became an adult and lost his father. No wonder he joined the military. 

“Six.” 

“I tried looking for you,” John promised, like it was something he had to convince Clay of. Like he didn’t want Clay to think that he didn’t try. It wasn’t meant to make Clay feel worse and Clay knew it but it did anyway. Because Clay hadn’t. He hadn’t looked. He hadn’t even considered it. “Before joining the military. After too, a little, I suppose. I’m no detective I guess.” 

Clay just stared at him. Did he think…?

“I know…” John frowned again. “I know you’re mad at Bruce but I can’t… I… Clay, I want to be…to have… to be in some part of your life and I just…” 

“I’m not mad at you.” 

Clay hated the almost hopeful look that John stared at him with. It was a expression that screamed he wasn’t expecting this reaction. “You… aren’t?”  

“No. Of course not. Our parents were petty and bitter and it is all their fault. JD, you never… you didn’t abandon anyone. Dad took you away and mom decided to try and erase that part of her life. Have you blamed yourself this whole time? For years?” 

“No, no, I just… I don’t want you to think I stayed away or something.” 

“I believe you,” Clay promised. “And I’m so glad you’re here.”

#soldier on au #john dory #clay #viva #the one au where clay's anger is not directed around jd ever #i guess i have another like that too but still; this is different idk i guess #sorry yall ive been super busy #and trying to draw #along with the million other things of life #but this was mostly written so there is that #it's a little longer too!! #branch and possibly clay are gonna make jd a kickass leg #i just feel like clay is intellectually very smart while branch is good at literally making things??? #idk it's just i dunno #i both have all the ideas for jd and branch and ZERO ideas too #there's like no in between #but like guyyyyyysssssss #they so cute thooooooo #ironically JD kinda becomes a buffer for bruce and clay which is hilarious considering canon #or what is usually written about jd and clay #but it gets better #and here i am ranting in the tags again #i love it when people reblog and there are thoughts in the tags tho cause i read them and it's fun

[bethanydelleman]

My paternal grandmother's parents wanted her to never leave home and take care of them in their old age. She went to nursing school and got a job against their wishes. They didn't want her to marry, but she started dating my grandfather anyway (they met after he came back from a date with her younger sister). She got pregnant, told my grandfather he had three months to decide what to do or she was raising the baby alone. In the 1950s. They got married and immediately moved to Canada to get away from her family. She was a stay-at-home mom for most of her life and had eight children.

I didn't know until I was an adult how much of a bad-ass she was; she was "just" the grandma who taught me how to knit, made delicious cookies, and used to repair my favourite dolls.

#international women's day #he wasn't like dating her younger sister they just went on one date #and I guess he saw her ironing and decided he picked the wrong sister #when I was told the pregnancy part I was blown away #she was ready to be a single mom #personal #they lived in the Netherlands btw #they decided to move to Canada because Canada accepted them right away #the US and Australia had waiting periods

[4lph4kidz]

i was thinking about your dirk and hal poll and i want to mention that i think your concept for ink and iron where dirk creates hal from his reflection by enchanting a mirror is so cool 😌

thank you! hal's predicament and purpose within the canon narrative is so fascinating and i felt it was really important to find a way to explore what i find most interesting with him. i can't take full credit for the concept though i took inspiration from a few placees (one of my friends pitched the idea of the mirror accidentally dumping him onto jake's doorstop for example) but overall i think the idea is very fun and i'm really excited to write more hal stuff!!! also i'm going to take the opportunity to share this oldish doodle i found:

the mispelling of angel as angle was NOT intentional (<- dyslexia haver) but it probably explains a lot. he's pointy

#obviously an AU is going to be different from canon #but i like AUs specifically *because* i have a lot of fun trying to translate canon ideas into another setting or genre in general #in this case its a riff on the fairy tale magic mirror #hal is still an experiment gone wrong/artificial being created to serve a purpose trapped in a non-physical form and denied personhood #as well as being an extension of dirk's selfhood and very literal expression of his self image #this time with extra gender problems as per my original intentions for the fic. which now feel more than a bit heavy handed but whatever #point is hal gets to play up the trapped demon/spirit/almost genie-esque angle isntead of the artificial intelligence schtick in canon #which i am having a lot of fun writing! #he is also a very important plot device. multitalented 💕 #for anyone wondering i&i is NOT an abandoned project its just huge and whipping it into shape is slow going #i've taken breaks to work on other stuff too #ink and iron #i guess that's a tag i should start using #even though i'm not too happy with the title still. lmao

[nanomooselet]

Little but Fierce VI

She winds up… there's the pitch…

Poor Nick. It never stops being funny. I'd feel sorrier that this happened to him but he's such a bastard in his introductory episode. It's like karma in advance.

Heheh. Kar-ma.

Meryl and Wolfwood behave very much like siblings to each other, while Vash and Roberto treat them like their awful terrible kids. Roberto does actually try reach out to Vash as a mentor once or twice, but of course Vash is fuck-off old and doesn't need that kind of assistance, so he's gently deflected. Roberto is old and wise enough to keep his distance. Nick, for his part, enjoys pissing Roberto off, and Roberto is for his part duly pissed off.

Still, Vash is the reason they're all even there in the first place and Meryl shows him concern. And Vash, in his way, fusses over Nick the way Roberto feels responsible for Meryl. A lot of what Vash does, he's doing pretty much solely for Wolfwood's benefit. I mean, look at this pathetic wet kitten of a man - you can't tell me he doesn't need it.

I've already talked at some length about why exactly Vash is like he is about Wolfwood, but what's he like about Meryl?

Pretty much exactly as fond. He's just quieter about it. To my read, he's confident she and Roberto can look after themselves and each other. That's really endearing to him, but not something he has to do anything about. And Meryl's not suffering the same kind of identity crisis as the Punisher/Wolfwood/Nico. Meryl knows exactly who she is, she's just trying to get everyone else to acknowledge it, and Vash does so from the first - she's never anything but "Meryl" to him, not "newbie" or "little lady". She never has to demand that of him.

Nor is she in directly a victim of his godawful brother, which thankfully means she isn't his responsibility to help - or at least, no more so than any given human. Also, it's Vash. What's that? Someone is invested in his well-being? Golly, that sounds suspiciously like he's being cared for (which of course he doesn't deserve), or (more reasonably) like someone vulnerable to being caught up in Knives's manipulations. Or just someone vulnerable to Knives period. Stampede out!

I though you guys were buddies./I thought you three had something special. 

No way./Yeah, not really.

Too bad for him, he's met his match in Meryl Stryfe.

In direct contrast to every other character around Vash, she's only one there not because she has to be, or because she needs or wants something from him, but because she decided to be. She's one of the only characters with agency, after all.

Real people aren't monsters like that./He's a man, not a monster.

But I won't give up, no matter how unreasonable the assignment!/I won't abandon an assignment just because it's silly.

We can't just leave him hanging here./No way. We can't just leave him here.

And she's also decided he needs help. So come hell or high water, this man is getting helped.

It's her knack for finding the truth without quite knowing the reasoning behind it. In physical terms Vash really, really doesn't need help, and it's the mistake Knives always makes; that because Vash ostensibly doesn't have powers like him, he's in need of a defender. (And because this is Knives, that means it's up to him personally, and he's entitled to Vash and his exclusive love/loyalty/devotion in return. Any protests Vash makes are clearly just human corruption.) But what Vash actually needs is something his brother has never, in any version of the story, demonstrated the capacity to give him. Even sensitive little boy Knives back in Maximum relied on others for reassurance up until the moment he decided he couldn't.

Vash is more inclined to be someone others rely on, to the point of being maladaptive. It's being unable to help that gets to him, especially when he's held responsible.

What he needs is emotional support. Or, well... faith.

Wolfwood gives that to him eventually, but it takes some serious work, and it comes with its own attendant difficulties, like the fact that Nick's not in a position to extend Vash help himself no matter how much he might want to. Nick is, like Rosa and like Vash, a pragmatist. Do what you have to do.

Meryl has never needed that kind of direct demonstration. To her, Vash is a person, and people always need help, and she's not going to be prevented giving it. End of discussion. And despite being mistaken on some particulars, on this point she's more right than even she knows.

The contrast with Wolfwood is incidentally why Meryl hitting Woofwoof with the truck isn't just fucking funny, it's the perfect way for him to be introduced. He can't catch the same bus as Vash by happenstance because this time Vash is his actual target. He can't have Angelina II because personal transport is autonomy he's not permitted to have.

Instead, Meryl's own autonomy and narrative significance had her run the plot right into him, completely ruining whatever plans were laid for his entrance. Notice Roberto tries to steer Meryl away from the collision course they're on, to no avail, and Vash winds up flipped over. Fantastic.

Wolfwood is getting dragged around; Meryl is the one doing the dragging. When she discovers Vash's secrets, she works to accept them and integrate them into her worldview - which means that the moment she learns he's a Plant, she doesn't reject him or become fearful of him. She instantly accepts that must mean the Plants are also people. That gives her a fuller understanding of the conflict, and especially Vash's view of it, than most. It's not a matter of "Whose side are you on?" It's "How do we move forward together?"

Wolfwood's knowledge has all been filtered through the Eye of Michael, so he's more aware of the details, but can't disentangle his true beliefs from the ideology driving them.

Meryl has a better understanding of the abstract. And that, in turn, entitles her to learn what the available methods are, and judge them...

...But it also entitles her to something more precious: Vash's unquestioning trust.

It's certainly much less dramatic than the demonstrations between Vash and Nick, but I have to say: any amount of exposure to Knives and his histrionics would leave me, at least, pretty relieved to have it.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VII

Part VIII

Part IX

#trigun stampede #trigun meta #tristampparty #meryl stryfe #vash the stampede #meta: little but fierce #at this point I'm leaning into the yapping #so many words #i guess she is a journalist #also nick's introduction just gets funnier. it's such an absolute shitshow #and at the end zazie's still like “well done” #i can't help reading it as ironic #like “lol great job getting hit by a truck punisher” #idk the way wolfwood interacts with other eom members always cracks me up. he fucking hates them so much

[calliecopper]

Before you read: This post has been edited. Please keep in mind that this was not meant to be a serious meta and therefore did not have the most thorough research put into it . Many of my friends have rebloged this post with very interesting commentary, and I expand on my points in a better way in further reblogs. Please check those out before you interact, because I feel this post alone does not fully represent how I feel about the matter. Every interpretation of Connor is valid, and this post was not meant to belittle anybody for feeling differently than I.

Most of whats below is as it was originally posted, aside from a few reworded statements <3

I find it incredibly ironic that a majority of the fan base looked at Connor and labeled him soft, innocent, pure, and harmless, when the whole point of his character is that that's what Cyberlife designed him to be. He even says it to Hank in The Nest.

"Cyberlife androids are designed to work harmoniously with humans. Both my appearance, and voice, were specifically designed to facilitate my integration."

The whole point of his story is to show that he is not a pure and good person. Us, as the player, should know better than anyone that Connor is not harmless or soft. Connor is constantly putting up a facade because that's what Cyberlife needs from him. He is designed to integrate with humans - and Hank - to achieve the best results in the investigation.

A fan favorite moment is during Waiting for Hank when you get to snoop around Hank's belongings and ask him invasive questions in order to gain information about him for more amicable relations. It is not Connor taking a genuine interest in Hank.

Then there's The Nest, where Connor once again tries to bond with Hank. He tries to forge a relationship because it is what Amanda wants, and what Cyberlife needs for maximum efficiency in Connor's hunt.

There's also the moment Connor can snoop around Hank's home to find out incredibly person and intimate details about his past. Also considered a fan favorite moment.

These moments:

Are not real. They are not Connor being a pure cinnamon role. It is Connor putting on an act to get the best results. It's a concept introduced in the very first chapter of the game. Connor does not care about Daniel. He barely blinks at his death. But the whole negotiation, it is Connor's goal to pretend he gives a shit. Connor does this with every single victim.

This is not Connor feeling genuine empathy for these people:

It is him finding the best way to accomplish his mission without scaring off a potential suspect or witness

So many moments the fandom sites as Connor being a Good Boi TM is just him acting. The same act that he puts on to convince his victims and allies alike that he is a Good Boi. But he's not.

This:

Is Connor. At least at the beginning. He is cold. He is ruthless. He simply does not care. The only moment of genuine joy he shows pre deviancy is when he is praised by Amanda for his efficiency in capturing a subject.

And that's the point. He starts off the game a terrible person who does not care for the lives of those around him because he's been taught that they dont matter. He only learns to become a good person through growing genuinely empathetic towards the people he is killing. That's why The Bridge is so important.

Connor spends so long asking questions. Asking Hank personal questions so he can adapt better to his personality. Connor asking questions so he can piece together the puzzle of deviancy. At the bridge, Hank finally stops Connor in his tracks and asks him the questions. Makes him stop and think about something besides his investigation for once. Why didn't you shoot, Connor?

It's after The Bridge that Connor finally starts to analyze himself and his actions too.

So, no. Connor is not a pure cinnamon role. He's a manipulative murderer who can only redeem himself by not pretending to be innocent anymore. For Connor to really become a good person, he has to go against everything that makes him a "cinnamon role" because that facade was made by Cyberlife.

#idk man i just hate the simplification of his character #dont get me wrong hes not entirely evil #but hes not some helpless baby #and hes definitely not a good person from the get go #i just find it ironic that people believe the facade that the game clearly shows is a facade #because thats what Connor was made to do #trick people into thinking he was a good kind harmless person #and i guess it worked #detroit: become human #dbh #dbh connor #edited post

[hellsite-hall-of-fame]

Hi Im having anxiety about 1st day of new job may I take your screm into void literally for a minute okay thanks

*deep inhale*

AAAAAAAAAÀÀÁÂÃÃÄÅÆÆĀĂĄAAAAAAAAAAAÁÁÀÀÂÂÃÃÄÄAAAAAAAAAAÀÆĄĂĂÃÅĂĀĀAAAAAAAA

why yes of course! you may scream into my void for as long as you’d like lol

and I do sincerely hope the first day of your new job goes well!!!

#also MOOD #why is it so anxiety inducing?? aaahhh #ironically today is the LAST day of my current job and i’m also so very anxious abt it aaahhh #we’ll just be anxious together I guess #but really good luck and I hope it goes well ! #the hellsite answers #ask #hellsite hall of fame curator’s bullshit