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serene-victory-77 · 3 years

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The Rodent Whisperer Of Ketterdam

This is my piece for the Grishaverse Mini Bang of 2021, thank you to @grishaversebigbang for hosting this event! @offrostandflames

My wonderful Materialki/Artists amazing and lovely pieces:

Frisslimbim’s Art and Instagram and Offrostandflames’ Art and Instagram

Summary: Kaz Brekker is known throughout the Barrel for his various schemes and skills. But there's one particular talent no one in his life is privy to, and it's going to help him get 30 million kruge. Crack Fic, Short And Sweet!

Fic:

Kaz walked away from the meeting with Jan Van Eck, his mind racing.

He’d accepted the deal, accepted 30 million kruge for breaking into the Ice Court and stealing a scientist with a drug that could change the world.

But Kaz wasn’t an idiot. It was too risky for humans, and only his best people could maybe do it. He didn’t like his chances.

There was no way he was gonna risk human error.

He hesitated. There was another option, but did he really want to instead use them?

Kaz thought about it for a long while as he made his way to the Slat. They were brave, they were many, and their relationship ran deep.

If he was being honest, they probably were his best, despite Jesper and Inej’s skill.

And humans…. Humans wouldn’t ever be able to succeed, he figured.

He knew what he had to do. He knew who he could trust.

Kaz closed the door behind him as Inej left the room. He looked around.

“Calling a meeting,” he said, tapping his cane thrice on the floor.

There was a rustle within the walls, the pitter patter of dozens upon dozens of feet. They came out of the walls, climbed through a cracked open window, found their place among the rafters and on top of his desk.

They were Kaz’s army, grown since he was nine and now an unknown force in his arsenal.

The Great Order Of Mice and The Virtuous Rat Society.

They named themselves.

He waited a little bit longer for them to all get settled.

“Thank you for your fast arrival,” he said, grabbing some cheese and crackers, as well as some bowls of water, setting them on a platter on the floor. “I have a big job for you all,”

The rodents chittered between themselves before looking up at him curiously.

He hesitated. “It involves leaving Ketterdam for a colder climate. It’s very dangerous. You might need the entire colony,”

The rodents stopped nibbling to stare at him. One of the bigger rats squeaked in confusion.

“Yes, I know, that’s a lot of you, and you guys aren’t used to being outside Ketterdam. But the reward is 30 million kruge ,”

The entire assembly went silent before wild squeaking ensued.

Kaz held up a hand. “Quiet, please, don’t alarm the Dregs,”

They calmed down again but all stood on their hind legs, nibbling their food while staring at him with wide eyes.

“I will tell you what it entails, and we can decide your reward if you agree. We’ll need to do some extra training to handle the colder weather, but that will wait a bit,”

They nodded, and Kaz settled down to explain what he could.

The briefing lasted two hours, and then the next night he had to go and break Helvar out of prison for more details to give to the army. They seemed to be in general good spirits about the entire thing, despite Kaz’s warning of danger and ice.

When he came back with all of the information he had gathered, including several small copied versions of the maps and diagrams Wylan had drawn, the real training began.

“No, the keys are going to be more complex than anything you see in the Barrel,” Kaz shook his head and laid out several old complicated door knobs and keyholes. “Show me how you’d open this,”

The rat squeaked determinedly and set to work.

“Even if you’re stealing from them, you can’t go around being sloppy,” Kaz frowned, straightening the bowties of a group of mice. The mice wore black ribbons, the rats gray, and The Council Of Rodents red. “I do not dress sloppy, and you shall not either. You are representing all Ketterdam rodents with this mission,”

They nodded seriously and let him adjust their ribbons.

“Make sure to take baths!” Kaz called after them once they were done. “You do not spread viral infections to other countries, alright!?”

Affirmative squeaks.

“It’s going to be cold, but your feet are grabby so we can’t cover them. You’re already used to Ketterdam cold, but this is different entirely,” Kaz warned them. “I tried finding some ice for you to practice on, and I’ve got...” he put several boxes atop his desk, “You guys some coats. There should be enough for all of you and are in different sizes, everyone in single file,”

The Council Of Rodents was following Kaz around town as they decided what treats he would be buying them with his share of the money.

He watched with hidden pride as the mice distracted the bakery shopkeeper and a group came from the left flank to pry open display cases and steal bread.

“They’ve come so far,” he whispered to one of the older rats that was standing on a ledge near Kaz’s head. It nodded in agreement.

A customer tried to bat away one of the rats with her purse, and a group of them jumped on her face in revenge.

“So far,” he nodded, pleased.

At the end of the week, in the hours before the sun had even risen over the sea’s horizon, Kaz stood at Fifth Harbor.

“Is everyone here?” he asked, looking over the crowd of rodents.

Two tardy mice ran from behind a shop and squeaked in apology.

“Alright, then. That ship over there is manned by someone who works for me. He has been instructed to leave you all alone and not bring a cat on board the ship. I’ve set aside barrels of cider, water, seeds, fruits, cheese, and crackers for you in the hold of the ship, so do not steal from the humans,”

One of the rats snickered and Kaz sighed. “Yes, I know I usually tell you to steal from the humans, but work with me here,”

They nodded.

“Does everyone have their maps?”

The rodents rummaged through their tiny leather pouches and waved their small maps at him.

“Weapons?”

Needles flew up into the air.

“No one is missing their coat?”

No negative squeak.

Kaz nodded. “Well, then, everyone. The ship departs in forty minutes. The journey will take a few weeks, and you’ll have to wait a while once you arrive. Do you remember what day you have to go to the Ice Court?”

Chitters confirmed they did.

Kaz took a deep breath. “Then, off to the boat with you. I trust I’ll be seeing you in two month’s time. No mourners,”

They squeaked back their best rendition of “No funerals,”, taking their individual time to pat his shoe in affirmance, and scrambled towards the boat.

Kaz stood and watched the boat until it departed.

As an extra safety measure, he ended up sending some guard crows to travel with the ship. Just being careful.

The great part about not sending humans to do your job is that people have a lot harder time figuring out which boat you’re going on, so Kaz had fun getting rid of the Black Tips that had failed to do any damage, as his army was already far out at sea.

Kaz had been training the rodents for a long time. He’d long since taken in stride that for some reason, not only could they understand him, but they could actually communicate back, and they were his secret weapon in everyday life. If things were too risky or complicated for Inej, he sent them to find out people’s secrets and bring back the information he used to control people like Geels.

He didn’t typically do big jobs with them though, they were too valuable to put in danger like that, but they were the only ones he could trust to really get the job done.

Still, despite his confidence in their abilities, he worried.

The next few weeks there were only about a couple dozen rodents from both the Order and Society, the ones that were either too young or too elderly to handle the trip, but they could still do work around Ketterdam, and news of what Jan Van Eck planned to do infuriated Kaz.

He wasn’t gonna not give his army their rewards, so while he waited for them to come back, he went about ruining lives.

Kaz found himself spending a lot of time with Wylan, Nina, Matthias, Jesper, and Inej the following weeks, one part because they were working on tearing down Wylan’s father, and one part because he had nothing else to do. The mouse and rats that were still there had taken to also watching Kaz’s companions.

He found a red fabric scrap and handed it to one of the mice, and later on, they came up to him, showing off the now rather dress-like piece.

“Who are you supposed to be, Nina?” he asked.

Affirmative squeak.

Kaz rolled his eyes and the mouse flicked their tail at him in contempt.

“Actually, you kind of have it down,” he noted, and the mouse sniffed haughtily before clambering away.

“Where’d you get that?” Kaz asked a rat playing with some gambling chips. “Better not be from the Crow Club,”

The rat showed him the Dime Lion insignia on the chips.

“Oh, you can always steal from them. But why the gambling chips?”

The rat twirled and did a little motion with its hands.

“Jesper? Really?”

He found a large, rather grumpy rat watching the Nina Mouse one day. He didn’t even have to wonder who that one was taking inspiration from, and instead handed Matthias Rat a piece of ice.

A small mouse had taken to stealing matches and trying to light small fires.

“You are not a demo expert,” Kaz told the mouse. “I don’t care how many hours you’ve spent watching the Merchling,”

The mouse squeaked sadly and Kaz frowned.

“Fine, you can mess with the matches, but have Jesper Rat watch over you,”

Wylan Mouse seemed to sigh but went with Jesper Rat anyway.

One of the smallest mice had taken to riding on Kaz’s shoulder whenever Kaz was walking the streets at night. At first, he’d wondered why, knowing he didn’t need to be watched over, but then he found that that mouse had been collecting needles, sharp metal bits, and even a small human-sized knife, and Inej Mouse was established.

A little longer than two months later, he stood on Fifth Harbor once more, the Five of Rodents waiting alongside him. A crow had arrived two days ago, with a note from the rodents that they were on their way, but complications had occurred.

He worried about numbers lost, or maybe that some of them had been imprisoned, but that wasn’t the result.

They came from the ship's hold like an ocean, carrying a small boy through pure willpower.

Kaz raised his eyebrows. “Welcome home, everyone. That doesn’t look like an old scientist to me,”

A group of them came forward, clambering over each other to explain what had happened.

“One at a time,” Kaz scolded, looking them over. It seemed that their numbers were almost intact. Clearly, some had been lost, but all in all, the casualties were minimal. He was relieved.

They explained what had happened, and Kaz sighed. Well, the old man was dead, but at least they had the son.

“Kuwei, was it?” he told the Shu boy. “Don’t speak to anyone about them,”

The boy just nodded nervously, looking more confused than anyone Kaz had ever seen.

A mouse piped up and Kaz turned incredulously. “You did what to Pekka Rollins?”

There was a gleeful chitter and Kaz smirked. “This is why I trust you guys,”

One of them asked about the reward.

“Yeah, I know,” Kaz told them. “Things got a little bit messy with Jan Van Eck, but now he’s in jail, and you guys have your own house fully stocked with food,”

A triumphant orchestra of squeaks filled the early Ketterdam morning, and Kaz grinned as the army ran onto the streets of the Barrel, pitter-pattering away.

#grishaverse big bang #grishaverse mini bang #GVMB2021 #Kaz Brekker #Six of Crows #Crack fic #mice #rats #rodents #heists #it's cute I promise #Fic with art #Six of Crows art #six of crows fic #kaz brekker fic #my crows

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cloudseeker14 · 3 years

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ITS BOOK REVIEW TIME BESTIES

So I read a lot of books during my school vacation and I’m going to review them since my vacation has ended and school started today.

BOOK #1 SIX OF CROWS BY LEIGH BARDUGO (First book from Six of Crows duology) -

Ok so I LOVED this book. It had an amazing plot and pacing. I really admire how Leigh Bardugo made the characters neither good nor bad, but somewhere in the between. The world she made in her story is not black or white, but in shades of grey.

I enjoyed the action in this book a lot, especially in the last chapters where they were breaking out from the ice court.

And the tension between Kaz and Inej was really executed well. I was rooting for them the whole series. I seriously fawned over how the author expressed Kaz's inner thought and emotions.

And the backstory and dialogues between Matthias and Nina was so engaging.

I loved how we as the readers got perspectives from different characters because that showed different sides of the story.

When I saw Kaz‘s back story I literally cried. It was just so freaking sad how greed ended up ruining the life Kaz could have had.

My favourite character was Kaz since I found him really engaging and I loved the way he came up with ideas for his criminal activities.

However, when I first started the book, understanding all the new terms and places was a bit hard for me, but that didn’t affect my experience at all.

This story and the whole duology had diverse characters which I was so happy to see.

I also really enjoyed Inej’s character. She was strong and invincible as the Wraith, but a long time ago she was a scared little girl who had gone through a lot in the Menagarie, which still haunted her.

Inej was a breath of fresh air for me because usually when authors try to write female characters to make them empowering, they end up making the characters as “im not like other girls“ and literal Mary Sues with no weaknesses or basic character development.

Inej had her own demons she fought with, she had different sides to her, she was not afraid to protect herself but she was scared of her time at the Menagarie and missed her parents a lot. All these emotions made Inej feel human and real.

I really enjoyed the other characters to, but if I wrote about them this would become way to long. Overall, I loved the characters, action, place setting and plot.

I would give the book a rating of 5/5 stars, it deserves it.

BOOK #2 THE CROOKED KINGDOM BY LEIGH BARDUGO (Book 2 of the Six of Crows Duology) -

So first of all, THIS BOOK MADE ME CRY SO MUCH. LIKE BESTIE LET ME BREATH WITHOUT BURSTING INTO TEARS.

Second of all, I’m still not over the character death. This author broke my heart.

Third of all, this book was written so well and the writing was just immaculate besties.

So, The Crooked Kingdom had a lot of angst. Like a lot. It dove into the back stories of our characters and it left me crying looking like the ugly version of shrek.

The writing was so beautiful that I had to put down my book for a few minutes for my brain to process this masterpiece.

The way Leigh Bardugo wrote about the relationship between Inej and Kaz was literally perfect. I’m going to show you all a few quotes about these two from the book itself so you can understand what I mean.

~ “I would come for you.” He said and when he saw the wary look she shot at him, he said it again “I would come for you. If I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together - knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting. ~

~She smiled then, her cheeks red, her cheeks scattered with some kind of dust. It was a smile he thought he might die to earn again.~

HELP HOW DOES THIS AUTHOR WRITE EVERYTHING IN SUCH A PRETTY WAY.

There's also a gay ship between Jespar and Wylan (such cinnamon rolls) which was represented really nicely.

The characters backstories was written so well. They were all so unique and filled with emotions and really explained how the characters ended up becoming who they were. These backstories literally made me sob the whole day.

Leigh Bardugo, I would sue you for emotional distress if I had the money.

Leigh Bardugo explored each of the traumas of the characters and as someone with certain traumas, I felt that she wrote about such a sensitive topic in an appropriate manner.

As for the ending it made me smile and cry at the same time and I don't know if I can forgive Leigh Bardugo for the sudden character death she pulled of.

I would rate this book a 1000000000000000000000/5 stars. It was that good.

Would I sell my soul for another book in the six of crows series? Hell yes.

BOOK #3 A DARKER SHADE OF MAGIC BY VE. SCHWAB

The plot of this book was nice. I enjoyed how Ve. Schwab portrayed magic as both a dangerous and wondrous thing.

I liked the concept of the various worlds she had going on. However, these various worlds were only of London and I would have preferred if it explored various other places to.

There could have been more diversity between the characters though. It didn't bother me that much, but I would have enjoyed that.

The main character Kell was likeable. I enjoyed reading his emotions and inner thoughts, like how he felt he was just a tool for the royals and seeing his inner turmoil with the mistake he felt he was making.

The Dane Twins (basically the villains) were so coldhearted which was cool and they gave me a bi panic from the way I imagined them lol.

However I had an issue with one character called Lila. I liked that she had a thirst for adventure and felt trapped in a small little word. But she always gave of the vibes of "I'm not like other girls" which was a little bit annoying. Lila looked at other women as a bunch of idiots who fawned and threw themselves at men. Now I understand this story took place in the 1800's but even then there were women working in factories and as nurses. Not all were just nobel women looking for suitors.

Ve. Schwab could have instead made Lila despise patriarchy and capitalism, how the rich rolled in lavishes while trampling the poor who struggled in the streets. It really sucked seeing a woman tear down other women.

So I would give this book a 3.5/5 stars.

Ok so I did read more books during my vacation, I'll post that as a part 2 cuz I'm to lazy and sleepy to type anymore.

Anyways I hope y'all enjoyed this besties, I'll try to post part 2 as soon as possible. Bye and I hope y'all have an amazing day/night.

#book review #reading #review #books #opinions and commentary #six of crows #leigh bardugo #the crooked kingdom #help this is so good #ve schwab #a darker shade of magic #could have been better

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trassellynn · 4 years

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ABOUT THAT WRONG THING

Here’s the analysis I promised. *** CROOKED KINGDOM SPOILERS *** WHY WAS MATTHIAS HELVAR’S DEATH JUST WRONG? 1. THE WAY IT HAPPENED 1.1. The Hand of the Author “The Hand of the Author” is an expression that indicates how much we feel the presence of the author into the story, the moments in which they intervene to manipulate the events in a forced and unrealistic way instead of following the coherency of their own plots. Now, let’s think about the sequence of the scene: a) Matthias if left alone and unarmed at job done; b) the boy has been able to follow him despite the messy situation; c) Matthias decides not to defend himself and talks to him in a kind and totally reasonable manner; d) the boy shoots him anyway. This death is absolutely anti-climatic, forced and disrespectful for such a character and the scenes from chapter 38 to 40 seem to be completely disconnected from the rest of the story. It looks like the author (despite her statements) was going to finish the book and said : “Oh, no, I cannot end this story without killing at least one main character, let’s kill the one I think the readers like less!” Even though Matthias was the worst character to kill off, as I’m going to explain in Chapter 2, if the author desperately wanted to kill him, she could at least give him a more decent death, like, for example, making him sacrifice to save someone. 1.2. Confusing sequences Matthias is shot by the young drüskelle, but he is still able to run to Nina. What does this mean? Why does the boy let him go, after shooting him? I honestly doubt Matthias has killed him to escape. Maybe he has knocked him down, but that wouldn’t make more sense to the entire context. 1.3. Fjerdan mentality Matthias gives the young drüskelle valid reasons to put his gun down: he has no weapons and cannot go anywhere. Do Fjerdans, filled with hatred but also obsessed with honour and discipline, really teach their young soldiers to be blinded by anger and kill a wanted man (“Dead OR ALIVE”) who is unarmed and willing to cooperate? The boy could have become a Fjerdan hero, if he had brought Matthias as a prisoner to his companions, rather than shooting him for no reasons and then being also unable to prove he killed him. 1.4. Double standards An author cannot build an unrealistic plot armor to some characters (for example, Kaz, a limping boy, who defeats all the Dregs alone) and kill others in a totally “random” and anti-climatic way, at job done. As I say in my small guide “Five simple rules every author should know about characters’ deaths”, double standards compromise the logic and the coherency of the story. 2. THE WAY IT BREAKS BASIC NARRATIVE RULES 2. 1. Character development Matthias’ storyline is mainly focused on two topics: his relationship with Nina and his character development. He literally spends two books to work on himself, unlearning everything he was taught since he was a child and finding a new purpose based on his change of heart. When characters are made to evolve during the story, the most logical choice is to give them an opportunity to make their development useful and significant outside of their safe zone (for example, their group of friends). And, most important thing, an author should never kill their characters if they haven’t complete their development. And that’s why Matthias was the worst character to kill off at the end of Crooked Kingdom: first of all, he hadn’t fully complete his development (he was still very insecure during social interactions and was still fighting against crumbles of Fjerdan mentality); secondly, no one out of the Crows has seen his development, since the author made him fail during his first real attempt to demonstrate something. I think people would need practical demonstrations to make a change possible, it can’t really be enough for them to hear his story from Nina. It’s just not realistic. Killing Matthias in that way and in that moment, made the character uncompleted and his entire development vain. I’ll conclude the subchapter with a simple example: why do you think it was Jack to die in Titanic, instead of Rose? Because Jack was a complete character, while Rose was still completing her development and had to put it into practice. The criterion is the same. 2.2. Characters’ deaths and their impact on the story Authors owe respect to their characters and have to build their paths properly from the beginning to the end, to guarantee quality to the story. Unless they’re writing a story about random events of human life, they should kill characters only when their deaths make sense to the plot and can give a valuable contribute to other characters’ storylines. A story lacks of quality when characters (especially main characters) are killed just for shock value, to add unnecessary angst and suffering to other characters or because “I cannot give a happy ending to everyone, happy endings are for children”. Matthias’ death was anti-climatic, useless and has so little impact that, if a reader jumps chapters from 38 to 41, it almost seems nothing has changed. 2.3. The failure After everything Matthias did to change and evolve, the author made his first attempt to put in practice what he learnt a huge, undeserving failure. First of all, even though he is unarmed, Matthias is fully able to defeat the boy but he doesn’t do that, that means he chooses not to defend himself. He wants to give the boy a possibility, he wants to demonstrate that there’s still hope for Fjerda. And his faith is repaid with death. These kind of plot choices SOMETIMES (and not in this case) can make sense if written at the beginning or in the middle of a story, not at the ending, when everything seems to be resolved. What is the author trying to suggest us? Fjerdan people are hopeless? If Matthias hasn’t been able to persuade a young boy, who, despite his anger and hatred, should have a more “elastic” mind, how could it be possible to convince older people in Fjerda, who have lived with their beliefs for decades? Does the author really think it is realistic that Nina’s words will be heard by Fjerdans? I’m starting to think her and Matthias’ dream is just destined to fail… * SPOILER FROM NIKOLAI DUOLOGY * (Please, don’t mention me the Nikolai Duology, which I tried to read but I abandoned due to several reasons, one of them, I consider the Crows’ arc closed, after that ending, and I don't like the idea of using the group only as a "passage moment" for both a character and a major plot. And to be honest, I think it’s just not fair that the work Matthias started to change Fjerdans’ mentality would be finished by a character who is just similar to him (well, even too much similar) but hasn’t faced everything he went through with Nina. It sounds like Bardugo is trying to replace him and this is bad. 3. THE AUTHOR’S STATEMENTS And now, in the third and final part of my work, I’m going to report some statements the author said during interviews about this choice and explain why I cannot help but strongly disagree with her. 1. “Matthias didn’t deserve a happy ending because he spread too much hate, he had to pay.” Okay, first of all, Matthias didn’t just wake up one morning, deciding to spread hate for no reasons. Do we need to think about his background? 1. He had always been taught to fear Grishas and see them as monsters; 2. A group of those monsters killed his family and he has been taken by a man who took advantage of his trauma to turn him into a weapon. He received bad teachings (and not only from Jarl Brum, but also from Grisha people who burnt his family alive), he has also been able to unlearn those teaching and decide to do something to repair and make things better. About the “he had to pay” stuff, excuse me, but he has been tortured in Hellgate for a year, being forced to kill wolves, that were not only sacred to him, but also reminded him of his own pet wolf, and living with the belief that the girl he fell in love with had betrayed him. Wasn’t that enough? And, last but not less important, here we go again with double standards: Matthias, who understood his mistakes and was determined to fix them “didn’t deserve a happy ending,” but Kaz Brekker did? Kaz is a great character, but he also did terrible things and I’m sure he’ll never do anything to fix them because he’s too broken and rotten inside. That’s okay, not all the characters are made to have a great development, but statements like this, when we compare the two characters, just sound a bit incoherent. 2. “He has been killed by the younger version of himself” Does the author really think this is a great symbolism? Doesn’t she know that being killed by a younger version of yourself, especially after you went through a great redemption arc, just means “Regression”? She’s basically saying that it doesn’t matter if you worked hard to change and to fix your mistakes, you don’t deserve to be forgiven, you are your past and you’re destined to be destroyed by it (unless your name is Kaz Brekker). Past is a part of us, of course, we cannot change it and we can be hurt by it, but we cannot let it “kill” us. The message the author gave is just wrong and filled with extremist, unnecessary moralism. It definitely doesn’t fit the atmosphere of a Young Adult novel, which should promote progression, instead of regression. As I said, she also seems to be willing to demonstrate that Fjerdans are just evil and will never change. I wonder if Bardugo has ever seen “The Lion King”, because Rafiki would be very disappointed by all of this. 3. “I knew from the beginning I would have killed him off” Even though the way she killed him seems to demonstrate something different, Bardugo has always stated that she wanted to kill Matthias by the moment she created him. Okay, we can believe it, but I can still speak against this statement. How? I’m sure this thing has happened to many writers: we create characters and decidespecific endings for their storylines, but, while we’re writing, those characters “come to life” into our hands and they sometimes evolve out of our control and start to lead us to a different path. Since the story is made by our characters, we should follow the directions they take, for the sake of the plot: we shouldn’t listen to fanservice or to old plans, we should listen to our characters. That’s why it can happen we end up saving a character we were meant to kill of at the beginning, as well as killing a character we hadn’t plan to kill off. It is just wrong to stubbornly follow an old idea that doesn’t fit the story anymore, that’s why authors cannot use it as an excuse to justify their mistakes. (The finale of “How I Met Your Mother” is a great example to explain this concept). 4. CONCLUSIONS “Geez, what was that for?” - It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past. “Yeah, but it still hurts!” - Ah, yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it. (“The Lion King”, 1994) Matthias wasn’t even running away from his past. He faced it. He wanted to do something about it. He was ready to rise from the ashes of his past and work for a better future. And those are all the reasons his death is just wrong from every kind of perspective: narrative, logic, symbolism. Matthias Helvar deserved better. Not only from his life, but also, and especially, from the author who created him. *** Hope you agree with me. Haters stay away, I won’t change my mind. Don’t make flame under my post. If you agree with me and like my work, feel free to share. Thanks for reading!

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melly1 · 3 years

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Selena (the healer fox of Redwall Abbey)

(This is my gift to @mongoosefangs for the @redwall-midwinter-gift-exchange. (Sorry this post has taken so long.) This is my version of Redwall and a story about my Redwall character with @mongoosefangs character. I made up my own “back” story for mongoosefangs character since I did not know if they already had one or not. @mongoosefangs, I hope you like the story.)

Ever since she could remember, she had lived at Redwall Abbey. She knew her biological parents had given her and her twin brother up for adoption to different families, but they had both lost their adopted parents at an early age and wound up at Redwall. But Selena knew that her brother had lost more than her when his adopted family had died and their older sister brought him to Redwall and then died as well. How she knew that he had lost more was because she had been a few weeks old when her adoptive mother left her tucked safely away at one of the small Abbey wicker gates with a note for Abbot Mortimer and Constance as to why. When she was old enough to understand Abbot Mortimer told her about how she came to Redwall Abbey and what happened to her adoptive mother. It was at that time that as well that Abbot Mortimer had told her and her twin brother, Matthias that they were siblings. And twins at that!

It had shocked them both at first, since Selena was a fox and Matthias was a mouse, but they soon realized it to be true when Abbot Mortimer pointed out the necklaces they both wore and had had since before they came to Redwall Abbey. He even told them about their biological parents (that Selena’s adoptive mother had told him about), that they had a total of four other older siblings, and that Myrtle (Matthias’s sister) had been the oldest sibling. It even made sense when they thought about the bond they have had since the day Matthias had come to Redwall Abbey.

Since Selena had been brought to the Abbey, and that she could remember, she loved hanging around the Infirmary. Even as a dibbun she would usually find herself at the Infirmary watching the Infirmary Keepers help those that were sick or injured, and it fascinated her. Then one day, Constance brought in a very young mouse, about her age that had a fever and seemed to be delirious all the while crying out for his sister, Myrtle. After Constance had shooed the other dibbuns and young ones away, Selena had climbed up onto the bed to comfort the young mouse. She had even felt a connection to him, but she didn’t know how or why at the time.

“Shh. It okay. You safe now fwiend.” Little Selena whispered to the young mouse. “The Infimawy sis’s will help you feel better weal soon. They fix all you huwts and make you feel better.” She continued while gently petting the top of the young mouse’s head that she had placed in her lap.

“Selena, what are you doing?” Constance Badger asked when she turned around and saw little Selena the fox sitting on the bed with the young mouse’s head on her lap.

“I help him feel better. He needs me.” Was Selena’s reply.

“Well, Sister Agnus and the other Infirmary Keepers can take care of him. You should be outside playing with the other dibbuns.”

“But he needs me. He sick. He needs my help.”

It was then that Constance and the rest of the Abbey realized that Selena the Fox wanted to help others and would make a great healer one day. Also from that day on, Selena had been inseparable from the young mouse and called him friend until the day that Cornflower got him to say his name, Matthias. Then whenever Cornflower was around you would always find the three of them together.

...

After the war with Cluny, Selena’s brother became Abbey Warrior and married Cornflower. Selena on the other paw was asked by Abbot Mordalfus if she would become the new Infirmary Keeper. She had asked him to give her a few days to think about it and he had obliged.

“Ah, Selena. Brother Rufus said you wanted to see me?” Abbot Mordalfus said as he came into the Infirmary where Selena was putting away the new herbs she had brought back to the Abbey from her journey into Mossflower Woods.

“Yes Father Abbot. I wanted to tell you my decision about being the Abbey Infirmary Keeper.”

“Okay. And what is your decision, my child?”

“No.”

“No?” He asked surprised.

“That is correct.”

“May I ask why it is no?”

“Of course you may. Why I am saying no is because I feel like I would not be able to leave and help others out in Mossflower that would need my help. Like the badger family I helped out, on the Western Plains, a few weeks ago give birth to their daughter.”

“Oh. That makes sense.”

“Buuut… I would be willing to be a second or co-keeper when I am at the Abbey.” Said Selena.

“I think that would work.” Replied Abbot Mordalfus. “Do you have anyone in mind to be the “head” keeper?”

“As a matter of fact, I do. I was thinking that Sister May would be perfect for the job. She also trained under Sister Agnus and Sister Steffine.” Replied Selena.

“Okay. I will ask her then.” Said Abbot Mordalfus as he headed for the door.

All that happened a few days ago, and now Selena was out in Mossflower trying to find some rare herbs that the Infirmary had run out of. The Abbey didn’t use these particular herbs too often since there usually were not that many births at the Abbey, but this fall seemed to be different with Cornflower pregnant again. Everyone had been surprised when Cornflower gave birth about 8 weeks ago to a baby boy mouse, who looked a lot like his father. Even Cornflower hadn’t known she was pregnant until a few days before she gave birth. It had taken a few days for Selena’s nephew to be named, but her brother and his wife had finally decided to call him Matthias Methuselah Mortimer. Now the happy (and productive) couple was expecting again, and this time Cornflower was showing just a little bit.

“WHOA!” Selena said in surprise as she stumbled on a rock, catching herself with a tree before she could fall down the small ditch she had come across.

“Careful there.” Said an unfamiliar voice to Selena.

“Who’s there?” Selena asked while looking around.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” Replied a handsome looking fox as he stepped out from behind some bushes and trees. “The names Rogan. What’s yours?”

“Hi, beautifully handsome fox, I’m…Rogan. I-I, I mean Selena.” She replied nervously to Rogan.

“What is a beautiful vixen like you doing out here all alone, Selena?” Asked Rogan.

Having gotten over her surprise at the gorgeous fox standing before her, Selena replied, “Looking for some rare herbs that I have run out of.”

“What kind of herbs?” Rogan asked while getting closer.

“Herbs for birthing. Like him-hemlock.” Selena replied nervously while slowly reaching for her dagger to protect herself if need be.

“Hemlock?”

“Yes!!”

“Hemlock??”

“Yes! Hemlock!” Realizing her mistake the second time she said yes, she continued with, “so I can totally poison my brother’s wife and baby and kill them.”

Rogan, not realizing right away that Selena was being sarcastic and trying to turn her mistake into a joke, became a little bit worried for her brother’s wife and baby.

“No. I am not really going to use hemlock. Nor am I looking for it.” Selena said to relieve Rogan’s worried look. “When I saw you earlier, your handsomeness took me by surprise. Then when you got closer to me you made me nervous again, but this time from possible harm, and my brain thought herbs for death… HEMLOCK!”

“That makes sense. Since you do not know me and there are many bands of evil foxes around this area.” He replied. “I on the other paw, am a simple healer fox that can amputate a paw or footpaw if need be with a bone saw. And I will not hurt anyone, unless attacked or needing to defend.”

“A simple healer fox?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve never heard of a “simple healer” anything that can amputate with a bone saw. Usually those are Great Healers since the patent has to survive the cutting off of a paw or a limb.” She answered.

“I see what you mean. Well, I don’t normally use my bone saw, so I figured I was a simple healer.” He explained. “By the way, what herbs are you actually looking for?”

“Ones that Redwall Abbey does not grow.” Selena replied, to see what Rogan’s reaction would be, and if he was truly a good fox instead of evil.

“Redwall Abbey you said?”

“Yes.”

“They don’t usually let foxes in… Especially since most have turned against the Abbey.”

“So far I am the only one they have truly trusted. But that could be because I was raised there.”

“I’ve always wanted to visit Redwall Abbey… Learn about the healing techniques, share some of my own techniques with them…” Rogan rambled on.

“Well you would have to get past my brother, the Abbey Warrior, first!”

“They have a fox for a Warrior?!?!” Rogan asked surprised and excitedly.

“No… What part of “So far I am the only one they have truly trusted.” didn’t you understand?”

“So your brother is not a fox then?”

“Nope. He is not. He is a mouse.”

“How does that work? Unless you are a Sister of the Abbey and he is a Brother of the Abbey.”

While Rogan spoke, Selena crossed her paws, leaned her weight on her left side, and gave Rogan a “seriously” look.

“For your information, I am NOT a sister of the Abbey and MY brother is not a brother of the Abbey.”

“Really? How is that possible?”

“We have the same parents…”

“I got that, but you’re a fox and he’s a mouse… and you are siblings? How does that work?”

“Oooh. Well our mother is a fox and our father is a mouse. It’s very strange I know, but it can happen.” Selena answered.

“I never realized it could happen since most can’t or don’t.”

“Yeah… My family species history is really interesting and strange.”

“I can see that. I guess that explains the five claws you have on each paw. Which I think is really cool by the way.”

“Thank you.” Selena said with a blush.

“You’re welcome. You are a beautiful vixen. I am surprised you don’t have a mate with you out here.”

“Well it’s kind of hard to find one when I live in an Abbey and majority of male foxes are evil.”

“Yeah. I get that. So, back to my original question about what type of herbs you are looking for…”

“I am looking for raspberry leaves, crampbark, scullcap, chamomile, geranium, shepherds purse, yarrow, and uva ursi.” Replied Selena, finally feeling like she could trust Rogan.

“Well, you’re in luck.”

“Really?”

“Yep. I know where to find every one of those herbs.”

“Really?!” Selena said excitedly.

“Yes. Really I do.” He said while offering Selena his arm.

“By the way I really like your gloves.”

“Thank you. I really like wearing them and they help keep my paws clean.”

“I can understand that.” Selena replied as Rogan pulled on of his gloves off to show his paw to her.

Over the next few days Selena would go out into Mossflower for random reasons and excuses so she could meet up with Rogan. She would always come back with something new, rare, or different. When questioned about it, she would give a vague answer or some sort of lame excuse. After a while she decided to meet up with Rogan about once a week so she wouldn’t raise suspicions. Then one day, a few weeks later Cornflower went into labor just as Selena was crossing the Abbey grounds to meet up with Rogan. So, Selena was delayed in getting to their special meeting spot.

“Okay Cornflower, on the count of three I want you to push as hard as you can. One, Two… THREE! PUSH!!!”

Soon, Cornflower had given birth to a beautiful baby fox vixen, with the help of Selena, Sister May, and a few other females that lived at the Abbey. During Cornflower’s laboring, a small band of vermin decided to try and attack the Abbey as well as put it under siege for about three weeks. During the siege Cornflower and Matthias decided to name their little fox vixen, Katelyn. Selena was so excited to have a niece that was a vixen as well. Selena even hoped that Katelyn would want to be a healer too. After the vermin band had been dealt with and dispersed from the Abbey, that Selena went out to her and Rogan’s favorite spot to meet, hoping he would still be there. But he wasn’t there. So, she decided to wait a few days to see if he would come back. A couple of weeks later Matthias showed up to check on his sister and make sure she was okay.

“Selena? Are you here?”

“Yeah. I’m here.” She replied sadly while stepping out from behind a huge rock.

“He hasn’t showed up, has he?”

“No. He hasn’t”

“I’m sorry,” Matthias said, moving to give his sister a comforting hug.

“He must have moved on after I did not show up. He must not like me like I thought he did.” Selena said hugging Matthias with tears in her eyes. She had told Matthias and Cornflower about Rogan while the Abbey was under siege by the vermin band. She had been so happy and excited when she had told them. But… Now… Now, Matthias could see her heart breaking in two.

“He’s foolish to not like you, like you thought he did. Something could have happened to him to make him not come back. He must have been badly injured or kidnapped or…”

“Matthias.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for trying to cheer me up, but, please stop. Because now you are worrying me.”

“Sorry.” Replied Matthias.

“It’s okay.” She said wiping away her tears and gently pulling away from Matthias’s hug.

“Are you ready to head back to the Abbey yet? Or do you want to wait a little longer?”

“No. I am ready to go back to the Abbey now. I actually have everything already packed to go.”

“Okay.” Said Matthias going around the rock to help Selena gather her stuff up to take back to the Abbey.

...

It had been seasons since Rogan had been in this part of Mossflower. He was a little farther south than the last time he had been here, but still close enough to Redwall Abbey that he wanted to visit the Abbey and see if Selena still lived there. But first, he wanted to find out what all the commotion was all about at the edge of the woods. When he got to the edge of the tree line he found a huge group of Woodlanders filled with mostly shrews, some mice, otters, squirrels, a hare, some hedgehogs, two badgers, a cat, three foxes, a rat…

“Wait a minute? This is a group of Woodlanders. What are three foxes doing in the group?” Rogan asked himself out loud.

“I don’t know FOX! What are three foxes doing in a group of Woodlanders?!” Asked a dangerous sounding voice of a male badger behind him.

Rogan slowly turned around to find the big male badger of the group, behind him, along with a mouse that had a dangerous, but beautiful, looking sword at the ready for a fight from Rogan. But Rogan could tell that there was no way he could take either warrior even if they were by themselves.

“What do you want fox?” Asked the mouse with the sword.

“Well… I am still curious about the three foxes in your group since most foxes would not be in a group of honest Woodlanders. I mean, I myself would love traveling with Woodlanders and would be willing to help them where—“

“Matthias? There you are. You disappeared on me before I could ask you something… Hi Rogan… I was going to ask if—“

“Rogan? You mean this is Rogan, Selen?” Matthias asked, pointing towards Rogan.

“Yes. Wait! Rogan?!?!” Selena said now realizing who she had just greeted and Matthias was talking about.

“Hi Selena.” Rogan started to say to Selena.

“Don’t you ‘Hi Selena’ me! You broke my heart!!!” Selena yelled at Rogan while Matthias put away his sword. “I trusted you and you left! You never came back to our spot! I—“

“SELENA! Calm down.” Matthias said while gently pulling his very angry sister away from Rogan, since she had backed him into a tree.

“But, but…”

“I know.”

“Wow! Did you ever get on her bad side!” Orlando said to Rogan while Matthias dealt with his sister. “I have never seen her that mad before.”

“Yeah, and I have no idea how I did either.” Replied Rogan. “I am so glad that her brother is here though. Although I am surprised that he stopped her from tearing me a new one. I mean… since she said I broke her heart, ya know?”

“Well, he is a fair Warrior that wants to know both sides or find out what is going on before taking action. He really thinks things through majority of the time. I, on the other paw, would have let her tear you a new one.”

“I kind of gathered that from you, sir.”

“You know, for a fox your very polite.”

“Well, I am not like most foxes.”

“I can tell.”

“FINE! I will give him a chance to explain himself, Matthias, BUT! If it is not a good enough explanation, I get to cut off his—“

“Let’s not do anything like that just yet Selena.” Replied Matthias to stop his sister from continuing her sentence.

“You better have a really good explanation for her.” Orlando whispered to Rogan.

“Yep.” Answered Rogan.

”Why don’t we go back to camp for lunch. And you two,” Matthias said while pointing at Rogan and Selena, “can talk.”

“Fine.”

“I’m okay with that.” Replied Rogan.

“Good. Let’s go then.” Matthias commanded.

Everyone stared as an angry Selena, followed by a nervous Rogan, and then Matthias and Orlando, came into camp and went to wait for lunch. Selena soon quickly went to check on her charge, the third fox in the group, and see how her nieces where doing in getting the medicine on his face (it had turned out that Slaygar the Cruel was one of Selena’s and Matthias’s siblings, so now Selena, and Matthias’s daughters, Katelyn and Rosemary (the cat), where trying to help heal the huge scar on Slaygar’s face.

“So, is the male fox over there Selena’s mate?” Rogan asked Matthias as they waited for lunch. “And is that young vixen her daughter?”

“Uh… No.” Replied Matthias. “The male fox is actually our older brother, and the young vixen is my daughter.”

“Oh! Wow. Sorry. I did not realize that. I forgot that it could be possible for you and your wife to biologically have different species of young ones.”

“That’s okay. I can see how you would forget.”

“Did Selena ever find a mate/husband?”

“No.”

“Oh. I waited a couple of weeks for her, then I left to go help someone in need when I saw a pillar of smoke coming from the opposite direction of Redwall Abbey. She must have come not long after I left. I never realized I had hurt her. So, do you and your wife only have two children?” Rogan asked Matthias.

“No. We actually have four.”

“Four. Wow! Mice and foxes? Boys, girls?”

“Hahaha. No. we have two boys that are mice, a daughter that is a vixen, and another daughter that is a cat.” Matthias said. “Katelyn, the vixen, is the oldest daughter, and second oldest child.”

“And your kitten daughter?”

“She is the youngest of the four.”

“Cool.”

For the next few minutes, before lunch, Matthias and Rogan talked, getting to know each other, and Matthias figuring out what had happened between his sister and Rogan. Orlando even joined in on some of the conversation at times.

Soon, Log-a-Log called for everyone to come line up for lunch, and then made Basil go to the back of the line for cutting in line (again). After getting their portions of food and drink Matthias, Selena, and Rogan went off to the side away from everyone so Selena and Rogan could talk while Matthias mediated between the two of them to keep the peace and quiet for everyone else whilst they ate their meal.

“Okay, Selena. Why don’t you go first and tell Rogan why you are upset at him.”

“Fine, Matthias. Rogan, I am upset at you because you never came back to meet me at our spot. And I thought you had loved me and then changed your mind.”

“Selena, there are a couple of reasons I never came back.”

“Okay. And what are those reasons?” Selena asked, a little bit irritated at Rogan.

“Well the first reason is because you never came back first.”

“Yes—“

“Secondly, I saw someone in need and went to help them after waiting two weeks for you to come to our spot. I figured your brother’s wife may have gone into labor when you didn’t come on the day we had planned on meeting up, but then you never came the days after that.” Rogan continued.

“Oh. I never knew you had waited that long.”

“I know. That’s why I wasn’t to upset when I saw you earlier. Plus your anger scared me a little bit.”

“Sorry. The reason I never showed up after Cornflower gave birth was because there was a band of vermin that put the Abbey under siege for three weeks. After that, I went to our meeting spot and waited about two weeks for you to come back. But you never did.”

“I’m sorry I never returned. As you can see, I pretty much thought the same as you. That you didn’t like me like that.”

“Are you kidding? I thought that was why you left me!” Came Selena’s reply.

“No. But I also had to wait for my paws to heal as well.” (At this point Matthias had pretty much stopped listening and was focusing on his food for a little bit).

“Really?! Why?”

“Because of the creatures in need. Their home was on fire and they had some little ones still in side and I went in to rescue them and burned my paws really bad see.” Rogan said while taking off his current gloves to show Selena. “Burned my gloves too.”

“I’m glad you were able to save the family.”

“Me too.”

“I’m sorry for being so upset at you.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry for not leaving a note or some other way to communicate with you.”

“Well, I can understand your hurry to save some creatures.”

“I love you!!!” They both said at the same time.

“Well. Now that my job is done,” Matthias said, getting up with his food and drink, “I will leave you two to it.”

“That’s fine, Matthias. We’re staying here for a while, correct?” Selena looked up at him asking.

“Yes. We were going to stay here for the night, then leave tomorrow for Redwall.”

“Redwall? May I come with you all?”

“What do you think, Selena? Is it okay if he comes with us?”

“I’m okay with it if you are, Matthias.”

“Looks like you can come with us, Rogan. But, you will have to earn your keep. Just like everyone else.” Matthias told Rogan.

“I’m okay with that. Especially if I can be with Selena.” Rogan said looking lovingly at Selena while she blushed a little. “Also, Selena. Does this mean you won’t cut off my—“

“Okay! I don’t need to hear this right now.” Matthias said quickly walking off.

Epilogue

It has been three seasons since Aunt Selena and Rogan where reunited. Abbot Mordalfus has decided to name this summer, the Summer of the Lovers, since Aunt Selena and Rogan are getting married Today! Everyone is so excited, especially my parents. They know how much Aunt Selena loves Rogan (and how much Rogan loves Aunt Selena). Uncle Slaygar is even doing better since Aunt Selena and Rogan have been working to help heal his face. He is even thinking about going back to being called Chickenhound, but I (and my siblings) think that Uncle Slaygar sounds better than Uncle Chickenhound! Dad told him (and us) that he could change it if he wanted to and that the Abbey would support his decision, but it was up to him. Since coming back to Redwall, Uncle Slaygar and Dad have spent quite a bit of time together bonding and working past their problems.

For your Information: Uncle Slaygar is a terrible fisher. He actually tipped the boat he and dad where in the other day sending them both into the water. Mom, Aunt Selena, “Uncle” Rogan, Mr. and Mrs. John Churchmouse, Abbot Mordalfus (who normally goes fishing with Dad), and Orlando the Axe all had a good laugh from it. Well, I better go as the ceremony is about to start and I am one of the grooms “mice” for Rogan along with my brother, Mattimeo, and Uncle Slaygar is Rogan’s Best Fox. My sisters, Katelyn and Rosemary, are Aunt Selena’s Bride’s maids, and Mom is the Matron of Honor. Dad is the one giving Aunt Selena away to “Uncle” Rogan. If you are ever in the area, then please stop by if you can, for all are welcomed at Redwall (especially if you come in peace).

Jonathan the Scholarmouse

of Redwall Abbey in Mossflower Woods.

Third born and son of

Matthias the Warrior

& Cornflower Fieldmouse.

The End

#redwall-midwinter-gift-exchange #mongoosefangs

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rebelwithacausesolveig · 3 years

Note

Time Warp! (Matty)

Let’s do the time warp again! Send me “time warp” to meet a younger or older version of my muse!

@matthias-meijer [I couldn’t decide between past or future, so you get a 2 for 1! yay~ lol. Also, special honorable mentions; @katrienmeijer , @margaritaxromanova , plus a couple un-named] Obligatory disclaimer, I own none of these characters and this isn’t cannon unless unanimously decidedly so.

The Past

Solveig’s hands trembled slightly as she looked at herself in the full length mirror. She’d been training her entire life to asses and take down threats but somehow talking to her best friend had her nerves frayed beyond repair.

The king will be there.

Of course he would, she remind herself. He couldn’t risk the girl saying anything to his son that he didn’t want him to hear. Turning to the side Solveig lifted her shirt enough to show her abdomen. Still flat, lean, and muscular; she wondered how long it would take before she started showing. Another month would put her at the beginning of her second trimester, is that when? How long until she could find out if it was a little boy or girl? She could have easily found these things out online, but somehow Googling it made it too real to handle. No, she’d just wait until she got to Norway to ask her aunt about it.

Putting on her most convincing smile she walked through the halls, doing her best to act like it was just another day. Maybe she wouldn’t even find Matthias in the palace and she could just leave without a word. That sounded easier, and it wasn’t forever, right? Just one year.

A familiar voice pulled her from her worries and she had to pause to gather herself before turning to face him with a grin. “Little prince... I was wondering if I was going to be able to find you before I had to leave.” He didn’t look thrilled, but admittedly not as upset as Solveig expected. Then again, he didn’t really know the full story, just that she was spending a year abroad.

It took everything Solveig had to keep her face passive as the king stepped out of the office behind his son. With Matthias’ back to him his eyes bored holes straight through the teenage girl. She hated the man with every fiber of her being. For threatening her family. For forcing her to lie to his son. For making it so that her own child would barely know her and never meet their father. As much as she hated him though, her fear of him was so much greater. Men like him were the reason she’d joined the rebellion when her father had told her about it months before on her sixteenth birthday. One day he’d be taken down a notch, and she hoped she got to personally see to it.

“It will only be a year, and we can still text and face-time or whatever,” she added with a grin, pulling her attention back to Matthias. Standing on her tip toes she wrapped her arms around him. ‘Little Prince’ had been an ironic moniker for years now. “I promise to bring you back some cool souvenirs.” With that she pulled away before quickly pinching his cheek with a chuckle. “Maybe by the time I get back you will have gotten rid of some of this baby fat.” She was teasing of course, but whether he knew why or not, she needed something to lighten the mood.

Giving a small wave and a lingering glance she left him there in the hall. Even as she re-treated she could feel the king’s eyes on her and it took everything she had not to run from him as quickly as possible. This was only one of the first battles in what would turn into a lifelong war of glares and veiled threats, but she wouldn’t let him win it.

“Ms. Trulson.” Solveig stopped dead in her tracks and took a deep breath before wordlessly looking back at the monarch that had addressed her. “Have a safe trip.”

Solveig had to swallow hard, glad they were far enough away to not see the lump in her throat. He’d managed to make the phrase sound like more of a curse than a payer. Nodding in reply, she didn’t dare speak knowing her voice would be shaky.

---------

The Future

Solveig had to bite her tongue as the small girl tugged on her dress.

“Mama! Maaaaamma~ Asy needs help. Maaaammaaaaa~ You have to come now! Asy needs help! C’mon, Mama! Mammaaaaa!”

Solveig loved the six year old with all her heart, but damn she knew how to be obnoxious. A trait, the blonde was adamant, that she got from her father. Not to mention today was already a whirlwind of stress and emotion to begin with and her youngest child’s constant talking wasn’t helping.

“Okay.” Solveig finally caved, kneeling down to her daughter. “Shh, less volume please, Klara, and take deep breaths.” She waited a moment for the small child to calm down and catch her breath. “Okay, now tell me calmly, what does Astrid need help with.”

“Um, there’s lots of buttons. And, um, she said something about pictures with you helping with her dress and, um, finding Matty....ummmm.” The small child’s eyes seemed to wander as she tried to remember. Solveig knew her daughter well enough to know she wasn’t getting anymore information out of her. Klara’s attention was gone for good. “Mama, I’m hungry.” Yup, there is was, she’d moved on to food. As was usual.

“Your papa is through that door,” she said, spinning the girl to face the double doors to the sanctuary. “He has snacks in his pocket, go find him.” With a pat on the butt she watched the girl run off with a grin. There was still an hour until the ceremony, no need for Klara to sit around in the dressing room bored.

Heading back to where her eldest child was she turned a corner and if she hadn’t been so light on her feet, would have run straight into Matthias. “Oh good, I was just going to come look for you. I am told you are needed, though perhaps my six-year-old is not the best source of reliable information,” she added with a grin.

Taking a moment she looked him over. It was hard to believe they were both in their forties now, their accidental daughter only an hour away from getting married. The last eleven years since he’d found out about Astrid had been somewhat strained, their relationship had never fully recovered, but it had gotten better. She’d seen him a number of times after leaving Russia, especially after the then teenager had decided she wanted to split her living time between her mother and newly found father. He looked older now though, or perhaps just wiser. It seemed the stress of taking over the kingdom the pervious year had aged him some. His hair now speckled with gray and the lines in his shallow though prominent. He still had the same kind eyes though and she couldn’t help but return it as he smiled at her.

He had children with Maggie now, and even Katrien had her own family. Though Solveig was still certain the girl had more adopted pets than children. It seemed like a lifetime ago that they’d all lived under one roof. Pushing the door to the room her daughter was holed up in open she nodded at Matthias. “After you, little...king? That will still take some getting used to,” she mused, following him in.

Seeing her daughter made Solveig gasp. Of course she’d seen her in the dress at the fittings, but here with her hair and makeup done, she looked truly regal. Astrid was kindly directing her bridesmaids around the room though stopped as soon as her parents walked in; her eyes lighting up.

“Mamma! Pappa! I wasn’t sure if Klara would actually relay the message.” The woman wrapped her arms around the two of them together. Solveig couldn’t help but notice it was the closest she’d been to Matthias in a while. “Okay, Mamma, we’re doing pictures with you buttoning my dress. Pappa, I want to get some with you too. Can someone please go find my little sisters, we need getting ready pictures. Then Pappa, I need you to take the photographer to where the boys are getting ready and make sure your son is with you. We need one with the groom and ring bearer.” Just like that Astrid was off on a whirlwind again before pausing as a thought occurred to her. “Is Maggie not with you two? I want one of Maggie doing my buttons too.” She turned to a bridesmaid. “Anita, can you go find the Dutch queen please? And bring my little sisters back while you’re at it, all of them. Thank you.” Without another glance at the woman that was already moving Astrid started for the other side of the room.

Solveig looked to Matthias, his brows raised as he took it in. Men weren’t usually privy to this part, though Solveig had to admit, Astrid was being much nicer right now than she’d been on her wedding day. “Come on,” she said with a grin, tugging him through the fray of moving women to an adjacent room that had been staged for pictures. --- Solveig bent down, smoothing out Klara’s skirts. Not that they were in disarray, she just needed something to keep her busy. She heard the music start to play though and quickly took her place once more at the front of the processional. The groom was to escort the mother of the bride. So with Solveig back on one arm and Maggie on the other he took off. Glancing back quickly she tried to give Matthias a reassuring smile; he looked nervous.

It had been last minute, but Astrid had decided to switch to Matthias escorting her instead of Solveig. A decision she’d backed entirely. He’d spent too long not knowing his daughter existed. Something Solveig still felt terrible about. The man waved back though just before she turned away and she felt tears sting the back of her eyes. No, things weren’t the way they had been growing up, but they were getting better.

#Anonymous #meme answered #Matthias #AEJT #alterego #You Always Find the Best Part of Me || Matthias #Margarita #Where Are You? And I'm So Sorry || Maggie #katrien #I Love Your Precious Heart || Kat

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subvertingyourexpectations · 4 years

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Top Ten Films of 2019

2019 was… I’m gonna be honest, not a very great year for cinema. Aside from a handful of standouts, I have seen very few things that completely blew me away. Especially given the past few years, we haven’t gotten a Roma, or a Phantom Thread, or a Denis Villeneuve movie. Anyway, this is my top ten favorite films of 2019.

But first…

Films That Would Make It But Didn’t “Technically” Come Out in 2019

Long Day’s Journey into Night

I already talked at length about this film, but I love it to pieces. It has twisted the visual language of cinema into its own beautiful and bizarre version, crafting a puzzle box of a movie that I absolutely adored. But, it technically came out at the end of 2018, so it can’t be on the list.

Tigers Are Not Afraid

If you like foreign films, this is a must-see. If you like tragic dramas anchored by some terrific child actor performances, this is a must-see. If you like horror movies, well, it’s not really a horror movie but people keep describing it as one, so you should probably see it. It’s a beautiful little imaginative tale about the effects of the drug war on orphaned kids, and if you can catch it on streaming I would definitely check it out. But, even though it came out in limited release in August, it came out in Mexico in 2017, so I can’t include it.

One Cut of the Dead

Maybe the most original film I’ve seen in years? The first half is a terrific little zombie flick all in one camera shot, and somehow the second half expands on this and is ten times better. Watching this in a packed house was one of my favorite moviegoing experiences of the year. It’s one of the most funny and, again, original movies I’ve seen in years.

Shadow

UGH ALL THE GREAT FOREIGN FILMS DIDN’T COME OUT IN 2019. Anyway this movie is incredible and is maybe the best use of grayscale I’ve seen in any film.

Movies That Might’ve Made the List But I Sadly Have Not Seen Them Yet

Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Pain and Glory

1917

Bad Education

Little Women

The Souvenir

Okay, now onto the actual list…

10. Ad Astra

Brad Pitt and James Gray’s remake of Apocalypse Now in space is maybe the weirdest premise for a movie, and yet I really enjoyed Ad Astra. There’s clearly some touches of studio interference that make this movie worse (read: Brad Pitt’s narration), but the underlying themes of anxiety and depression are some of the best I’ve seen on screen. Couple that with Brad Pitt’s best performance of the year (yes), the visual splendor on display, and this movie is an easy inclusion in my top ten of the year.

9. Uncut Gems

I need to go lie down. After really enjoying the Safdie Brothers’ previous films (Good Time and Heaven Knows What), I was really excited for this movie, and I was not let down. The frenetic, dare-I-say crackhead energy that the Safdies are able to convey in their films is immensely satisfying to watch, and the way Adam Sandler channels it is one of my favorite performances of the year. The last twenty minutes of this movie is just pure panic attack.

8. The Irishman

Somehow Scorsese’s 209-minute long epic is one of the most watchable films of the year. This is just a terrific example of everyone firing on all cylinders; the performances are great, the script is great, the editing is unbelievable (this movie feels like it is two hours long), and the directing and thematic development towards the third act is some of Scorsese’s best.

7. The Farewell

A calling card for director Lulu Wang as much as it is for Awkwafina in dramatic roles, The Farewell is an absolute delight. The family dynamics throughout all feel refreshingly authentic, and the film masterfully weaves between its comedic moments and tragic undertones. If it wasn’t for some choices made at the ending, this would probably rank higher on my list.

6. El Camino

How bad was 2019 for film? A Breaking Bad movie is my sixth favorite film of the year. It doesn’t matter if we “needed” this movie or not, El Camino is just so incredibly well-made and enjoyable. It’s always a pleasure seeing something new in the Breaking Bad universe, but more than that I think this film is a genuinely beautiful swan song for one of the greatest characters in television.

5. Waves

This movie is meandering, aimless, pretentious, and completely style over substance. And yet, the last half hour of this movie hit me harder than almost anything this year. Regardless of how you feel about the characters, I feel like Waves has an overwhelmingly positive message in the end, which is to grow away from your hatred and learn to forgive and love. I’m sure many people will find the way this movie gets to that message to be kind of pointless and wandering, but to me it just turned a pretty good film into one of my favorites of the year.

4. The Mustang

My local 3-screen art house closed in April of this year. I went there as often as I could, because they were the only theater in town that would play a lot of independent and foreign films. It was the first place I saw Roma, and the first (and, let’s face it, last) time I saw Stalker on the big screen. The last night they were open, I went and saw The Mustang, not based on anything to do with the movie, just because I wanted to be there one last time. It was completely sold out, far busier than I’d ever seen them. In the past I’d always had free roam of where to sit, but that last night I was in the third row from the front.

If Ad Astra is about depression, then The Mustang is about anger, and learning to overcome your anger and grow as a person. It’s about a prison in Nevada that has a rehabilitation program where violent convicts train wild Mustangs, which are later sold to local ranches and farms. Roman (a terrific performance from Matthias Schoenaerts) is one such convict, and his personal struggle to overcome his anger is beautifully realized against the backdrop of having to fight a wild animal. (Seriously, he goes in swinging and it does not end well for him.) It’s a great story, and it’s a must-watch if you haven’t seen it. The emotional ending coupled with the fact that my favorite theater was closing left me a complete wreck when the credits rolled. (I’m starting to realize my top five films all just boil down to “the ending wrecked me”.)

3. The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part

This is like The Mustang but for kids.

Okay okay, hear me out, I only saw this movie once when it first came out 11 months ago, and I’m not ever watching it again because I thought it was perfection. I feel like on a repeat visit the songs will become grating, the plot will feel ridiculous, and the themes of toxic masculinity that I appreciated so dearly will seem like faint whispers instead of clear subtext. And yet in the theater, I absolutely adored the songs and the plot and the clear subtext about being a better brother/man. The real-world parallels that were a surprise twist at the end of the first film are used beautifully in The Second Part, because the plot is simply just one big metaphor for a little sister who wants to play with her older brother. It’s touching, it’s funny, and it gets stuck inside your heart. It’s such a shame that the LEGO film franchise is all but dead, because if we had kept getting films like this, children’s movies would definitely be better for it.

2. Parasite

Everything fantastic about this film has already been said about it by people far smarter than me, so I’ll just say this: it is every bit as amazing as people hyped it up to be. This movie is a biting satire, a laugh-out-loud comedy, and an edge of your seat thriller. It has left an imprint on my brain since I first saw it back in October, to the point where as much as I have tried to analyze and dissect, this film, I don’t know if there’s a single flaw with it, there’s genuinely nothing I would change about this movie. If you see one movie this year, it should be Parasite.

1. The Last Black Man in San Francisco

In July of 2019, I had to make probably the biggest decision of my (brief) career thus far. I was going to leave my management position at a 24-screen theater I’d loved dearly to go work in an office. I loved everything about the movie theater, I’d worked there for almost four years, but at a certain point it just had diminishing returns. Newer upper management and constant changes coming down from the big-whigs had turned my favorite building into a place I started to resent, a place I didn’t recognize. I tried to fight the change, and re-institute everything I loved about this building that I practically grew up in, but you can’t fight change, and you shouldn’t romanticize the past.

I’ve never seen these themes more realized in film than in The Last Black Man in San Francisco. It tells the story of Jimmie Fails, a native San Franciscan who has to watch the city he’s loved his whole life descend into a rapidly gentrified hellscape that leaves many homeless and helpless. He often visits his childhood home, a beautiful three-story house with a “witch hat” on top, now owned by an older white couple. This doesn’t stop him from romanticizing the house, romanticizing the past, as he constantly visits and attempts to fix up the house, oftentimes clashing with the current inhabitants.

This disdain from the couple is an all-too-real parallel message that he’s getting from the city itself: You’re not welcome here anymore. Much as Jimmie has tied his identity to this home, and this city, he is hardly welcome in either. But for one brief instant, he gets to live his dream. The house gets stuck in a familial dispute, causing the older couple to move out. Leaving behind a big empty house that no one is occupying, Jimmie and his best friend Montgomery decide to just move right in, and have their way. They bring in all the old furniture from Jimmie’s childhood, they paint the walls, repair the original woodworking, all in service of Jimmie’s dream to simply exist in this space, and preserve something sacred.

Eventually though, reality comes crashing down, and try as he might, Jimmie can’t stay in the house, and he has to learn a hard truth: you cannot tie yourself emotionally to a physical space. Whether it’s a house, a city, a job, you simply cannot love something that doesn’t love you back. You will get hurt every time.

But it’s so easy to love. It’s so easy to play the piano in the entranceway of your childhood home. It’s so easy to relax in the sauna upstairs, or smoke on the balcony, or just lay on the floor and admire the witch hat. The Last Black Man in San Francisco makes you fall in love with this house, and with Jimmie and Montgomery, and as much as we see ourselves in them, we too have to learn the same lessons. As much as we want to inhabit a space, and get the fullest potential out of it, you cannot ever stop change, and you cannot stand in the way of it without going insane.

And maybe it was just because I was going through this personal development the first time I saw this movie, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. It stuck in my brain so much that by the time I saw it a second time, I was a complete mess; I cried four times. I cried for Jimmie, I cried for the house, and I cried for myself. I cried for the things we all lost, the things that would never be the same, and because we would have to learn to accept that. This is what’s so beautiful about The Last Black Man in San Francisco, and on top of the phenomenal acting, emotional script, and gorgeous visuals, it’s what made it my favorite film of the year.

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Army of the Dead: How Zack Snyder Is Revolutionizing Zombie Movies

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Since long before Zack Snyder or Army of the Dead, zombie movies have proven to be one of the most surprisingly versatile subgenres in film. George A. Romero pioneered the form with the incisive, socially conscious Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead, and since then we’ve seen an ever-growing menagerie of zombies and zombie movies. More than a few times, the undead ghouls have been reinvented to frighten and fascinate audiences across the world.

So it’s probably fair to wonder at this point whether we’ve just about seen it all when it comes to zombie flicks. Innovative takes on the genre like Shaun of the Dead, Train to Busan, and Warm Bodies have taken the zombie myth and twisted it in unexpected ways. And Zack Snyder’s own remake of Romero’s Dawn of the Dead was an amplified homage to the original with a wry sense of humor. It received praise from fans of the genre, and to this day is considered to be one of the best efforts in Snyder’s oeuvre.

Now, 16 years later and after an eight-year stretch of superhero movies for Warner Bros., Snyder is returning to his zombie roots by partnering with Netflix for Army of the Dead, a heist/zombie movie mash-up that he hopes will take the genre to new heights in several ways.

The story is set in a zombie apocalypse that originated in Area 51. Six years after the outbreak, Las Vegas is essentially quarantined, with a wall built around it to contain the zombie hordes that have taken over the city. The government plans to nuke Vegas to end the zombie outbreak for good. In this time of chaos, a former casino boss, Bly Tanaka (Hiroyuki Sanada), hires a group of mercenaries led by zombie war hero Scott Ward (Dave Bautista) to infiltrate the city and extract $200 million that’s sitting in his vault underneath the strip before the city is pancaked by the government. The team should have plenty of time to get in and out before the bomb drops, but once they’re inside, they learn that the president has moved up the drop date to appease his supporters, giving the team little time to get out of the drop zone before the city is blown sky high.

Worse, while on their way to the vault the team will have to fight off a massive army of undead led by Zeus, a highly intelligent and combat-savvy “alpha” zombie who started the outbreak at Area 51. When Zeus bites someone, they become a deadly alpha like him; when an alpha other than Zeus bites someone, they become a more traditional “shambler” zombie.

Netflix invited Den of Geek to the set of Army of the Dead back in 2019 where we had the chance to sit with Snyder and the cast to get a behind-the-scenes look at the making of the movie.

“From the first conceptualization of the movie, [we knew] there were going to be these evolved zombies,” Snyder explains as he sits with members of the press on his lunch break. “I thought it would be cool if there was a way to have a little bit of sympathy for the bad guy. It’s hard to have sympathy for a normal zombie. In a way, the guys who kill them seem like they’re doing them a favor. I thought if we were able to create this other class of zombie that was semi-conscious, treating them like a wolf or dog, like, they can’t talk, but they can organize.”

This highly evolved class of zombie gave Snyder and co-writer Shay Hatten more creative opportunities when laying out the story, lending emotional depth to the traditionally one-sided human-zombie conflict. The government feels that they’ve imprisoned the zombies in Vegas, but perhaps the alphas and their shambler offspring would rather just be left alone.

Alphas aren’t the only new form of zombie that you’ll see in the movie. Las Vegas is home to all manner of bizarre creatures, both animal and human, and you can expect to see a wide variety of gruesome undead versions of Vegas oddities and eccentrics as the mercs battle their way to the center of the strip. Zombie Elvis impersonators, zombie male dancers, zombie tigers, zombie brides… it’s all very Vegas, and reflective of just how much fun Snyder had making the movie.

“Zeus rides a horse!” Snyder gushes. “He’s the smartest of all of them. Whether he has hopes and dreams, I’m not sure. But our humans give zero fucks about his world. It’s kind of a fun relationship between him and the team.”

As for the team’s interactions with each other, Snyder assured us that while the movie is as fun and bombastic as you would expect, the character work is the spine of the film and informs all of the action.

Bautista’s Scott begrudgingly lets his estranged, activist daughter Kate (Ella Purcell) join his crew in the film, and they’re forced to work out their issues as they carry out the mission. Joining them are Scott’s friend and adept mechanic Cruz (Ana de la Reguera), helicopter pilot Marianne (Tig Notaro), expert zombie-killer Vanderohe (Omari Hardwick), reckless social media influencer Guzman (Raúl Castillo), the casino’s head of security Martin (Garret Dillahunt), and Scott’s “ride-or-die” compatriot, Chambers (Samantha Win). The film also stars Nora Arnezeder, Theo Rossi, Huma S. Qureshi, and Matthias Schweighöfer

“At its heart, it’s a relationship movie,” Snyder says. “[Scott] and his daughter are trying to mend their relationship over the course of the movie. She shouldn’t have been on the mission but she kind of tricks him. It’s this small relationship movie inside of it all about a father who kind of abandons his child and tries to make it right. On top of that, it’s pure genre insanity.”

From what we were shown on set that day, the movie certainly looks to deliver on the genre goodness, for both the zombie and heist fronts. Snyder and company had rented out the entire casino floor at the Showboat hotel in Atlantic City, and they spent several days filming frantic zombie-killing action scenes involving a ton of wire work and big, loud guns (which Snyder test-fired himself with childlike giddiness). There were dozens of zombie extras running around, and the casino floor was so littered with inanimate zombie bodies that we had to watch our step virtually everywhere we went. Rest assured, the movie will be action-packed.

Another way Snyder and his team are attempting to make Army of the Dead a progressive entry in the genre is with its deliberately diverse cast.

“Something that was really important to us was to have a global cast,” says producer Deborah Snyder. “Being on Netflix, the majority of the audience is international. There’s no reason the cast should be all American, all white. And it was really important for us, and me especially, that the women are as strong as their male counterparts. That’s something that I’ve been striving for, especially in action and genre. Their characters have depth.”

The cast being led by Bautista makes sense in that he’s a big star, but what perhaps goes under the radar in many people’s eyes is that he’s essentially the first Filipino-American to lead a diverse cast in the history of major motion pictures.

“Dave has been amazing. He’s awesome,” Zack says of his leading man. “My movies are pretty popular in the Philippines anyways, so I’m excited about this added bit that’s really going to take it to the stratosphere, I hope. He considers himself this anti-action hero but he can do any of the action! It’s cool. He’s not afraid to be rough and not look good all the time. That’s what’s cool. And he can be vulnerable.”

When sitting down with Bautista on set, the actor describes a deep sense of duty and fulfillment in representing Filipinos on the big screen.

“I’m getting ready to have the Filipino stars tattooed on my chest, front and center, really big!” Bautista shares. “It speaks to where my pride is as far as being a Filipino. I’m half-Filipino, but I embrace it completely. I’ve never been embraced like I was when I went to the Philippines. It means a lot to me. I want to represent something and I want to inspire people. It means everything to me.”

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In addition to the film’s cast representing a wide range of communities, Snyder harnesses the strength of zombie movies as socio-political commentary by weaving statements about the current state of the United States into the fabric of the narrative.

“There’s zombie-infested Vegas, and then what happened was they built this refugee camp at the outset of the zombie plague to quarantine,” Zack explains. “Six year later, the camp still exists, so now it’s this political tool that the government uses. If you have contradictory political views, they’ll stick you in there. They have a heat gun, and if you’re below 98.6 degrees, that’s probable cause to put you in.”

The director continues, “A lot of the people in the refugee camp are disenfranchised. Whether it’s a statement about immigration or the literal refugee camps around the world, it made sense to me to have an internationally diverse cast because of the centerpiece of the movie. This group that goes in are a mish-mash… they’re mutts. They’re rogue samurai.”

For Snyder, the feel of Army of the Dead was inspired by some of the most classic genre movies from his youth, though as in his previous work, he attempts to build on the concepts they introduced by subverting expectations and putting his own unexpected twists on genre conventions.

“When we did Dawn of the Dead, it was a slightly genre-buster movie in that I was a fan of the original, and I didn’t want to remake the movie, exactly,” Zack says. “I was trying my best to pay homage to the movie but I was always only referencing the original as opposed to a straight remake. I find that to be a fun area to be in.”

He continues, “Army of the Dead was really inspired by Escape From New York, [James] Cameron’s Aliens, Robocop… that world. It’s very much a genre deconstruction in the sense that I love all the genre tropes, and so I’m constantly trying to subvert the tropes by having them not finish as they typically would.”

After spending eight years in the superhero movie making business, Snyder felt that going back to intimate, genre storytelling would be exactly what he needed to reinvigorate his creative mind and passion. He needed a change of pace, and he missed being hands-on with the filmmaking process.

“Your relationship to the photographic process, even the actors… you grow further and further away from it,” he says of making big superhero movies. “I was still drawing the shots, but they were getting made further away. That’s kind of true of all aspects of the movie. This movie, for me, is a 100 percent organic experience where I take hold of it as a filmmaking process, as a writing process, photographically, as a director. It’s a joy to get up and work on. There are no real politics. Just make the movie as cool as you can, that’s it. In that way, it’s super refreshing and inspiring.

Snyder’s proximity to the tactile, hard work of filmmaking was evident from my time on set. In addition to directing, he acted as the movie’s DP and B camera operator and was interacting with the actors constantly, all while quite visibly having a lot of fun. It’s difficult to imagine he was as playful and loose on the sets of his DC movies. According to Snyder, while Army of the Dead certainly took a lot of hard work to make, he was constantly inspired by the material and embraced the challenge.

“Every movie is a struggle, right?” says Snyder. “I love that about moviemaking. The smoothest movie in the world is a shitfight. But with this movie I could make a subversive movie but no one would have to reach for the symbolism. It’s right there. It’s a genre that is about that, right? A good zombie movie, all the great Romero movies, they’re all mirrors. The zombies are us. For me, that was a great place to dig my teeth in.”

And working on a smaller scope means that this is the most personal movie Snyder has made in quite some time.

“It’s a giant movie, but I’ve tried to get at it in a super intimate, personal way,” he says. “This is not a movie that’s made by committee. It’s personal, singular, my eye seeing the movie.”

Army of the Dead hits select theaters on May 14 and Netflix on May 21.

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moon--melon · 7 years

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[OLD] Theory on Darkiplier

@markiplier (This theory goes far down the rabbit hole oh my god. One of these days, I’ll actually get Mark to see this stuff :P)

Ever since the release of A Date with Markiplier, I’ve wondered what Darkiplier’s true intentions and motivations were. After Markiplier TV, I was convinced that I had a pretty good explanation.

I think it’s safe to say that, personality wise, we know the most about Darkiplier (Next to Wilford Warfstache). Since Dark has only been in a few videos with little dialogue, his character hasn’t had time to develop fully yet. Thankfully though, Mark helped out by explaining who Dark is in this video: Mark on Darkiplier. (This video comes from a livestream)

I’ve seen many different portrayals of this suit-wearing version of Darkiplier (a.k.a. the official version), and some versions I’ve seen of him have him giving in and turning good when true love is shared with him. In my eyes, Dark is a demonic entity from another realm who cannot feel any human emotions. He can express them, but he cannot feel them, if that makes sense. Basically, Dark can replicate/fake human emotions such as caring, only to manipulate others:

“[Darkiplier] he’s a social manipulator” Says Mark ( Mark on Darkiplier ) “He is….he is literally 100% manipulative. He leads you into this false sense of security and wants you to trust him because he wants to take advantage of you”.

“In my mind, Darkiplier is an entirely different person from me, but much like Warfstache, doesn’t obey the laws of physics. He exists in—like—another world entirely and bleeds through into this one” This statement confirms the fact that Dark is an entity from some other universe/realm/reality/whatever you want to call it.

“…that was my clue to reveal that…he is NOT your friend”. Mark clearly wants to get it through our heads that his version of Darkiplier (the one I personally consider to be canon/official) is pure evil, and could never feel any type of love or compassion for anyone or anything, other than himself.

Now that the definition of Darkiplier’s character is out of the way, it’s time to discuss what I personally think is going on. (This is my headcanon story thing :P)

A few years ago, as Mark’s channel gradually gained popularity, a certain someone observed from afar: Darkiplier. During the old days of Mark’s channel, Dark (whose real name is unknown), meticulously watched and analyzed the YouTuber’s growth. Feeling like he could gain something from this, Dark revealed himself to [2012] Mark one day, requesting a partnership. Using his manipulative skills, Dark promised Mark to help him create quality content for his fans, …but of course, there was a catch. Dark wanted…to be let in. Dark wanted payment for the service he’d be providing, and that payment would be the power from the love of Mark’s fans (I theorize it to be). Although reluctant, Mark agreed, and thus began a collaboration full of lies and manipulation. Mark, quite literally, made a deal with the devil.

Videos such as: Don’t Blink, Don’t Move, and Raspy Hill, were all created with the help of Darkiplier. Things were great; Mark was gaining more and more views and subscribers as Dark assisted him with scary video ideas, thus allowing the community of fans to grow. Overtime, Dark awaited Mark’s end of the deal, but being anxious and unsure, Mark kept putting it off, always promising to Dark that he’ll eventually allow him to do whatever he needs so that they’d be even. (Dark’s payment is probably something along the lines of…possession, or stealing power. Something demonic and manipulative, of course).

As the fanbase grew, …so did some theories and ideas. Fans started creating their own versions of Darkiplier (not being aware that Dark is an actual entity, and not a creation of Mark’s), basing them off of the scary videos Mark has created (with the actual Dark). Obviously, since this was a fandom like any other, some fans took the idea of Darkiplier and changed it for fan fictions and suggestive fan art. As Dark ignored this “insolence”, Mark…took notice of it. With every new piece of Darkiplier fan art, Mark slowly drifted away from Dark, not wanting anything to do with him anymore, …or the deal that they agreed on years ago in 2012.

All Mark did was joke about Darkiplier, eventually making this video in August of 2016 to tease the idea of him even more: relax.

Finally, in October of 2016, Mark took it a step further by taking on the persona of an emo teenager on twitter, who he called “the canon Darkiplier”.

As a result of this, Darkiplier was furious. Tired of this mockery, Dark finally decided to act his revenge on Mark.

As a final act of trickery, Dark pretended to collaborate with Mark on the A Date with Markiplier video. But in reality, Dark used this opportunity to get a certain message across. Being an idiot, Mark just thought that this was a part of Dark’s scary act, so he didn’t cut it out of the final video.

In the Darkiplier route, Dark says this: “Did you miss me? I missed you…very much” this is him speaking to the fans, attempting to gain their trust, wanting to use their love against them. Dark refers to the fact that it’s been so long since him and Mark actually did a video together, so we, the fans, haven’t seen him in a long time: “I’ve been waiting a long time to see you again…” .

Dark acknowledges the fact that he’s being made fun of by Mark, and that he’s been replaced by that ridiculous emo character: “I’ve been pushed aside…replaced…mocked”. Then he refers to the fact that Mark ignored him, and didn’t ask for help while making the A Date with Markiplier Video, so Dark himself had to offer his help, and only then, did Mark collaborate with him again: “ …and then he had the gall to not invite me to his little adventure with you”.

Fed up with everything, Dark tells this to the audience: “No more…never again”. “I’ve been waiting patiently! He promised he would let me in…again. I’m tired of giving people a choice”.

After the success of A Date with Markiplier, Dark secretly continued with his plan, …deciding that he…needed help to accomplish his cruel objective.

Back in the day, while working with Mark, Dark met Wilford Warfstache. But before officially meeting him, the devilish entity watched Wilford, just like he did Mark. After shooting and killing his girlfriend, her husband, their dog, and their neighbor, Wilford burned the house down and ran away, evading the police [Source: The Warfstache Affair]. Dark took interest in this, seeing potential in the journalist, who was now a wanted criminal.

Unfortunately, Wilford was apprehended by the police on a rooftop, after being shot down [Source: The Ned Affair]. Sitting in jail, after leaving the hospital for his wounds, Warfstache was visited by Dark. Dark promised to get Wilford out of jail, IF the mustached murderer agreed to help him. (During this time, Dark and Mark were still working together, so Dark just wanted Wilford so he could have another person to manipulate and use) Warfstache agreed, and the two became “friends” ever since.

When Dark started developing his plan against Mark, he asked Warfstache for assistance, and he gladly agreed to help.

Back when Dark and Warf first met, Dark started to observe more and more people. None of them were too special…they were just people who could possibly be manipulated for Dark’s own gain. To be specific, they were: a doctor, an author, a superhero, a gameshow host, a robot, and a salesman. Sound familiar? Well, they should. Being busy with Mark, Dark only kept those people in mind, deciding to observe them later if he needed to.

Well, after A Date with Markiplier, Dark remembered all of those people. Thinking he could use more fools to manipulate for his big plan, he decided to recruit them. Lucky for Dark, most of those people were down on their luck.

The superhero, named Silver Shepard, quit his job of being a superhero to pursue a career in entertainment, but was having a hard time in doing so.

The author, now known as “The Host”, was having conflicting thoughts with himself, that being the reason why he changed his status name.

The robot, named Google, used to be owned by a man named Matthias, but was thrown out when the owner had a baby.

The gameshow host, named Bim Trimmer, was left without a job when the TV show “Hire my Ass” was cancelled.

These 6 people (which includes Dr. Iplier and Ed Egar) were perfect for Dark’s plan. So, he visited each and every single one of them, promising them whatever they desired if they followed through with the plan. They all agreed.

At the end of Markiplier TV, we see Darkiplier and Wilford Warfstache having a meeting with Google, Dr. Iplier, The Host, Bim Trimmer, Ed Edgar, and Silver Shepard. Markiplier TV was created by Wilford; it was his contribution to the plan. This is made evident when Dark asks Wilford: “How is this supposed to help us take back control? …We are the heart and soul of this channel after all”.

This is all for the big plan. Yes, they’re baby steps, but Dark definitely has something up his sleeve. If I haven’t already made it obvious, Dark doesn’t care about any of the people in his group, not even Wilford. Many people I’ve talked with think that Dark and Warf are actual friends, but why would Mark emphasize the fact that Dark is a social manipulator, and then show Dark having a genuine relationship with Warf? Dark is using Warfstache, and everyone else in the group, even the highly intelligent AI: Google.

Speaking of Google, he also has his own little way of contributing to the big plan in this video: Google Gets an Upgrade. In this video, Google v1.0 [Blue] upgrades, which results in him multiplying. In doing this, he creates Google v2.0 [Red], Google v3.0 [Yellow], and Google v4.0 [Green]. ((V stands for version. I numbered them in order of appearance)).

Mark is a clever guy. I don’t think he’s adding all these little details by accident. Maybe I’m just being overly analytical, but notice how Mark links Markiplier TV at the end of Google Gets an Upgrade. I think that’s no mistake. It’s a very telling clue. It suggests that the two videos are most definitely connected.

Now, that’s just what I think. I’d love to hear your theories on the matter! I’d also love for my silly little theories to get spread around. I know it’s hard for Mark to see everything on here, but reblogging this could definitely help out. Likes are always appreciated and hoped for, but reblogging gives a better chance of Mark seeing this!

Thank you

#markiplier #darkiplier #youtube #my art #lore #theory #markimoo #wilford warfstache #markiplier fan art #markiplier tv #markiplier ego #egoplier #fan art #teamiplier #googleplier #google irl #doctoriplier #bim trimmer

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matthiascartwright · 4 years

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💼 I wanna treat you like you wanna be treated; I wanna see you as you wanna be seen 💼

The Cartwrights have always been a prestigious English family. Matthias Daniel Cartwright, the second son in a family that would have three boys, was no exception to their long line of ‘pristine’ genetics. Every Cartwright, for more generations than were worth counting, had always become a doctor. Just like some families had a history of the men enlisting into branches of the military, theirs all pursued medical careers. Every Cartwright looked, acted, and worked a very specific way. The shadow cast by Caleb, Matthia’s older brother, was never too big for Matthias. The two got on extremely well, consider each other close friends and they encouraged each other to maintain the family’s image. His entire childhood was directed to a career in medicine. His father, who owned a large practice, would come and go; meanwhile, his patient wife co-raised her three blonde-haired and blue-eyed boys with a nanny in a house that was unnecessarily large for their family. As far back as the medical career history went for their family so too did a history of there never being anything but sons. This little family fact changed when Diana, who is more than ten years younger than him, was born. Upon the birth of the first female, the antics about the family history seemed to ease up, at least a little. Caleb was no longer expected to take the same specialty as their father, Matthias no longer had to attend that university, and, at least to Matthias, Jameson could have skipped out of it and become a politician if his heart so desired.

Matt’s early years were like that, full of laughter and expectations. They didn’t play with toy soldiers; they had little stethoscopes, did charity work, and played sports. Even after their cousin Diana was born, the boys’ family had instilled the mentality of “being the best version of yourself” so deeply within them that their parents letting up on them never resulted in acting out in school or achieving anything lower than top marks. As Caleb still went to the family’s usual university, Cambridge, Matthias decided to apply to schools in the United States, Germany, Canada, and Australia. While his parents couldn’t seem to fathom their son leaving them, his brothers knew that he had always been a bit more adventurous. With his grades, the Cartwright track record for academic success, and his gleaming record of charity work and sports participation every university wanted him. For the first time in his life, Matt would make a decision specifically for himself. The winner would be Harvard University. Despite his family’s wealth, Harvard offered Matthias a full ride knowing that so many other schools wanted him. In his time there he would live on campus, meals paid, participate in sports year round, and only make trips back home for the holidays. Matt would remain an academic success and would also earn the school medals in sailing and fencing as well as being a part of the championship soccer and lacrosse teams. Despite such accolades, he was never one to boast, not even telling his family members until after the fact. Luckily, they caught on and visited for some of his events in his final two years there.

Upon receiving his doctorate from Harvard he was encouraged to return to London and join his father’s practice; however, Matthias had his own plans. Moving to Australia he received a second degree in Emergency & Trauma Medicine while completing his residency. It was his time there that made him truly fall in love with surfing, a hobby he would keep up with and eventually be a major factor in his ending up in California. Matt would love Australia so much that he would buy a large home in Byron Bay. Though he’d intended it mostly for holidays and eventually retirement he does oftentimes visit or pay for his friends to visit the estate. The house there is still very dear to him and his visits there is always a good time because of his former co-workers but when Matthias reflects on his life as a whole Australia remains just a small blip and the mansion has never been deemed home to him. Shortly after its purchase and upon his residency completion and receipt of the other degrees Matthias joined the Peace Corp. Then, after his time with them, he volunteered with Doctors Without Borders. All of those activities truly shaped him into the man he is today while he still holds onto the strong family values his parents instilled in him.

After years away from home Matthias returned to his family, purchasing a condo in London. Taking a job at his father’s practice and saving nearly all his money, the young man tried to map out a plan for the rest of his life. Then, just as he was a few days from heading to the United States to begin looking for locations near the Brooklyn Bridge to start his own hospital, Matt met Violet Ralston. The pair seemed to click perfectly together and more importantly, his family adored her. She was smart, driven, and independent. They dated for a couple of months before his mother gave him her mother’s engagement ring, telling him that she was certain that Violet was the one for him. Unfortunately, she didn’t give him much more to go on than that.

The Cartwrights saw Violet for her own prestigious family and her similarities to Matthias. Even more, unfortunately, after their marriage, she quickly changed. Violet hadn’t made Matt aware of her immediate desire for children or that she wanted to raise them without a nanny. Feeling like he’d lost his connection to his wife he found himself trying to buy her things to please her. Even more unsatisfied with his life turning into his parents he began seeing the florist he always bought Violet flowers from. Ashamed with the affair he told his wife and Violet immediately divorce him before they’d even been together for a full year.

Wanting a fresh start, Matt moved to New York City. Renting his place in London to doctors the worked at his father’s practice kept him tied to home if he felt the need to return. However, that would never actually happen. After a short time, Matthias fell back to his original plan, opening a hospital near the Brooklyn Bridge. With years of charity work under his belt he knew that he wanted to help people. The reason he chose to start his hospital in the states was because he knew that Americans had a greater influence on the world than other countries and his hope was that in changing some of their lives they would go out and do the same for others.

The Cartwright Clinic would be an entirely free hospital that provided a laundry list of things on top of free medical care. It successfully ran entirely on donations with patients paying what/if they could. Other things offered were 24-hour childcare, a soup kitchen, a shelter, and an array of support groups and workshops. After Hurricane Sandy, the hospital received a massive influx of donations for his support to help the community and with that money he chose to create another hospital on the west coast. CC East remains open and successful, run by his eldest brother, the doctors that work there are volunteers looking to gain more experience, and the heads of surgery and so on rent out his home in the big apple. As for going back he visits there once a weekend every quarter, but he believes that he has left it in capable hands.

Moving to Los Angeles was easy enough for Matthias, he’d lived in several other major cities, always got along with people, and was excited to set up another hospital. His first year in the city was a rush. The hospital was just as successful as the one in New York. His staff, a lot of who came from CC East, was made up of amazingly hard workers. Most importantly there was a clear shift in the crime rates and health of the people in the city. Sadly, nothing would ever be perfect, but they always had a way of finding something good through the insanity. For every kid that was shot in a gang initiation, the doctors and nurses took the time to help them find a way out of that lifestyle. Any drug addict or homeless person received help immediately or they were taken, not just referred to, a long-term facility. Most importantly, Matthias found his daughter, Aubrianna Charlotte.

The premature baby had been dumped in the hospital’s medical waste bin, umbilical cord still attached, strung out, and with no expectations to make it. The clinic saved her life, Matt fostered her while the police looked for a mother- to no avail, and he would adopt her. He knew from the moment he saw her that she was his daughter and gave her the first name Aubrianna after Aubrie, his mother, and Diana, his cousin. Her middle name Charlotte was for a dear friend from New York who had died before he left. Having a daughter would change more than his perspective on life, it would change his lifestyle, hopes, and dreams…everything.

Matt’s life was on a high, he was pulling away from practicing medicine to focus on the hospital franchise expanding into Chicago and Havana. He’d purchased a place on the coast with a large property that was the first place to feel like home since London, and his daughter was fully adopted and definitely healthy. Stepping away from direct “doctoring” gave him more time to be a single father to Aubrianna. Currently settled in Illinois, he travels frequently for work and family, but, finally, has time to put himself ‘out there’ again. He’s happy to see a lot of his family relocating and working at his hospitals and for now, friends and family are all he wants and needs, and he’s open to the idea of that changing.

#ref: bio #ref: work #tw: medical #tw: child abuse #tw: child abandonment #tw: childhood trauma #tw: death

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golicit · 4 years

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January in Northern Europe

Berlin Cathedral

The D&O Diary was on assignment in northern Europe last week, with stops in Berlin, Hamburg and Paris. I know from past experience that traveling in northern Europe in January can be a formidable experience. On this trip, however, mild and dry weather conditions generally prevailed, allowing for some really pretty enjoyable travel experiences.

The primary purpose of the European visit was to attend the annual Euroforum Haftpflicht Konferenz in Hamburg. I have attended this event before, and it was a pleasure to be back and part of the event again this year. I delivered the Internationale Keynote address on the topic of “Key Developments in D&O Claims.” Fortunately, I was able to address the audience in English. I would like to thank Karin Hanten of Euroforum for inviting me to participate in this well-organized and well-attended event. It was a pleasure to be able to see many old friends and make new friends as well. It was also enjoyable to learn how many in the audience members follow The D&O Diary.

When I look at this picture, taken during my presentation, all I can see is that somehow the cord for the microphone got looped outside of my suit jacket.

With Sebastian Gemberg-Wiesike, Financial Lines Underwriter for Germany and Switzerland at Tokio Marine HCC. Sebastian spoke immediately after I did, discussing the liability risks for companies with American Depositary Receipts trading in the U.S.

With Matthias Andres of Zurich Insurance

With Markus Haefeli of Haefeli & Schroeder Financial Lines AG in Zurich, Switzerland

With Sebastian Vogel of Airbus Aeroassurance.

With Alexander Stampf of Tokio Marine HCC in Barcelona

Before traveling to Hamburg for the conference, my wife and I traveled to Berlin for the weekend. I have been to Berlin before, and every time I have visited I have made exactly the same mistake, which is that I fail to allow enough time to explore this vast and fascinating city. This trip was my wife’s first visit to Berlin and so of course we had to visit the city’s most famous landmarks, including the Brandenburg Gate, the Reichstag, and the Berlin Cathedral.

In Pariser Platz, facing the formerly East Berlin side of the Brandenburg Gate

In front of the Reichstag

The Berlin Cathedral with the Fernsehturm in the background. We attended the worship service at the Cathedral on Sunday morning. We were very fortunate that the service featured the choral performance of a Bach cantata.

There is so much history in Berlin, in some ways almost too much history. We spent a considerable amount of time exploring the remnants of the Berlin Wall and the other remaining vestiges of the city’s division between 1961 and 1989.

A remaining section of the Berlin Wall, in the Berlin Wall memorial

A preserved watch tower, in the Berlin Wall Memorial. Before the Wall came down, the Wall cut straight across the road on the right side of the picture.

Checkpoint Charlie, the security control gate for the former American sector of Berlin. (Note the McDonald’s on the right side of the picture; things have changed a little bit since the Wall came down.)

One thing we did this trip that we both enjoyed was exploring some of the city’s residential neighborhoods. We walked through the atmospheric streets of the Prenzlauer Berg neighborhood, a pleasant area full of shops, cafes, and restaurants that was inside former East Berlin. We came upon a lively street market, where we enjoyed a makeshift currywurst lunch. A little bit of unexpected sunshine during our stroll made for a very pleasant visit. We also visited the Kreuzburg neighborhood the next afternoon, which was also a very interesting place to visit.

A street market on Kollwitzstraße in Prenzlauer Berg, Berlin

One tip for anyone planning a visit to Berlin anytime soon is to make sure to make time for a long visit to the Deutsches Historisches Museum, which is located right on Berlin’s most famous street, Unter den Linden. We spent three hours there and could have easily spent longer. The ground floor exhibits on Germany’s fraught and complicated 20th Century history were particularly well done. I would go back to Berlin just to spend some more time in the museum. Another tip, the Gemäldegalerie art museum, located near Potsdamer Platz, has an excellent collection of northern European paintings, including works by Dürer, Cranach, Holbein, van der Weyden, van Eyck, and Vermeer.

One particularly enjoyable thing we did while in Berlin was to attend a concert at the Konzerthaus Berlin. The concert hall was beautifully illuminated at the night we were there.

From Berlin, we took one of the excellent Deutsche Bahn Inter-City Express (ICE) trains for a quick two hour trip to Hamburg. The mild weather followed us to Hamburg, which allowed us upon arrival to enjoy a quick walk around Hamburg’s two famous lakes, the Außenalster (Outer Alster) and the Binnenalster (Inner Alster). I actually walked around the Außenalster three times during our visit; the Fitbit that my children gave me for Christmas recorded that it is about 10,000 steps around the larger lake. (It is about 4.7 miles around.)

We also attended a concert while we were in Hamburg, at the venerable Laiszhalle, in the Hamburg city center. There is a brand new concert hall, the Elbphilharmonie, on the river. When we arrived at our seats for the concert hall, we discovered why the city might have felt the need to build the new hall.

The column almost entirely blocked our view of the stage — I was able to see only the percussion section and two french horns. The sound was muffled as well. I could hear just enough of the music to get the feeling that we were missing a pretty good concert. We left at intermission.

We left Hamburg to spend this past weekend Paris. It was chilly in Paris, but we continued to enjoy dry and pleasant weather.

By a long standing tradition, my first stop in Paris is to visit the Jardin du Luxembourg. When I am there, I feel fully in Paris.

Even deep in winter, the Jardin is still beautiful

One of our other important priorities in Paris was to stop by Notre Dame, to check in on the progress of the repair and restoration of the cathedral, after the April 2019 fire.

Signs posted around the work site explained that the repair process at this point is still focused on trying the stabilize the structure

Around the structure, they have inserted wooden braces to support the buttresses and columns. It is clear that this process is going to take a very long time.

Our main objective on this visit to Paris was to see the Leonardo da Vinci exhibition at the Louvre. The exhibit had been sold out when I was in Paris in November, so this time I was sure to purchase timed-entry exhibits in advance, online. With the timed-entry requirement, there was a little bit of crowd control. Just the same, the exhibit was mobbed. It was, nevertheless, amazing. There are only 15 surviving paintings attributed in whole or in part to Leonardo; many of them had been gathered for this exhibit. The exhibit also featured extensive displays of Leonardo’s notebooks. The notebooks very convincingly showed Leonardo’s vast curiosity and brilliance. Even with the crowds, it was a really great exhibition.

When we emerged from the museum, we found that while we had been in the exhibit, a massive protest march had developed along the river. The march was organized as part of national strike organized as a protest by the transportation unions about proposed French pension reform. The march was peaceful and had even something of a festive atmosphere. The relatively pleasant weather helped. The problem for us was that the march blocked our route back to the other side of the river and to our hotel. So instead, and in the best Paris tradition, we found a cafe and enjoyed a late lunch. We had assumed that by the time we finished our lunch the marchers would finished filing into the Place de la Concorde. We underestimated the size of the march. The marchers paraded along for hours. We finally managed to made our way around the parade and found a river crossing so that we could make our way back to our hotel.

A nice light lunch while we waited for the protest march to pass.

Protesters fill the Place de la Concorde

One of the highlights of our Paris sojourn was a return visit to the Le Christine restaurant in the 6e Arrondissement. We first dined at the much earlier version of the restaurant while we were in Paris on our honeymoon in 1983. We returned to the restaurant with our children in 2000, and again in 2005. Though the restaurant has changed over the years, it remains excellent. Once again, we enjoyed a wonderful meal there.

In addition to many familiar sites in Paris, we also visited some new places. One of our more interesting discoveries on this visit was the Musée National Gustave Moreau, in the 9e Arrondissement. Moreau was one of the prominent members of the Symbolist artistic school in the 19th century. His unusual paintings are full of references to Greek mythology and Christian iconography. When Moreau died in the late 19th century, his home and studio were converted to a museum. The walls of the museum are covered with Moreau’s paintings, many of them unfinished. Many of his paintings are unusual and interesting.

All in all, it was a great visit to Europe. You wouldn’t think that January would be a great time to visit, but it actually turned out to be a fine time to be there. Of course, I know we were very fortunate with the weather. (The only rain we had the entire trip was on the day of our departure from Paris.) But the cities themselves made the visit so enjoyable. As always, on the way back I found myself trying to figure out when I can go back again.

More pictures of Paris:

Here’s something you won’t see very often — the Jardin du Tuileries without any people. The Jardin was closed during the protest marches

The Louis XIII statute in the Place des Voges

Scenes of Montmartre

January in Northern Europe published first on

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seetheworldwithmeblog · 5 years

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Alright, sorry for the bad pun but it had to be done. This weekend, Ryan and I spent 3 jam-packed days in Budapest and, around walking just over a marathon, we ate our body weight in delicious Hungarian cuisine.

The weekend started, like most do, with an early morning ride to the airport. We boarded our Lufthansa flight at 9:15, feeling like kings when we sat next to each other, got free coffee and water, and even a snack! (It’s the little things, friends) We landed in Budapest a bit before 11:00, hopped on a bus downtown and showed up at our Pest apartment shortly after noon. We checked in quickly to the studio apartment and then turned straight around to start the culinary adventure at Tüköry Étterem, a Hungarian eatery about a mile from our Airbnb.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we started big. We sat down at the tiny sidewalk table and dove into the Hortobágyi palacsinta (Hungarian pancake), Gulyásleves (goulash soup), Cigánypecsenye steak burgonyáva (gypsy steak with Hungarian Bacon), and fried Camembert cheese because there didn’t seem to be enough fat in our meal. The goulash, unlike those our midwestern mothers made us, had hearty chunks of beef, big pieces of potato and carrot, and a paprika broth that dyed our fingers red. The gypsy roast had a ring of Hungarian bacon on top, which is essentially bacon flavored fat, grilled up to make it crispy. We washed this all down with a smooth Hungarian red wine, which we hadn’t expected to love quite so much. Our arteries clogged and moving a bit slower, we pushed away from the table and headed in the direction of our next destination.

Possibly a poor decision after so much fat, we boarded a tram that took us outside the city center to Széchenyi Thermal Bath, one of the many thermal baths Budapest is famous for. We had pre-bought tickets so after being led to our cabin, we changed quickly and then headed out to the crowded deck to join the fellow sun-and-water worshippers. Hailed as the “most authentic” of the baths by guidebooks, we were a bit surprised to see the place crawling with fellow tourists. Can’t blame them for wanting to do the same thing we do, but we were disappointed that we never saw the chess-playing Hungarian thinkers we had hoped to find. Instead, we waded through the waters surrounded by countless bachelorette and bachelor parties, trying to guess all the languages we were hearing.

After an hour in the glorious sun, we followed a guide up to a quick, peaceful massage. It was one of those that had me drooling and wondering if I had been there for even 10 minutes when they said it was at an end. Feeling significantly more relaxed, we made our way back to the pool to bop around in the thermal pool. The water, which bubbles up from the earth’s core at around 72 degrees Celsius (161 F) is mixed with cooler water to bring it down to a balmy 100, perfect for hanging out for an hour or a day and releasing the stress of being cooped up on a flight. We hung around for another hour or so before drying off and making our way out of the spa, leaving plenty of partiers behind us.

The Bath is located in the middle of Budapest’s City Park, a great expanse of green that was built for the millennium celebration of the city’s founding. In 896, the Magyars came from Central Asia and decided this part of the Carpathian basin would be the new home of their people. So in 1896, the Magyars (the Hungarian way to say Hungarian) threw a massive party and nearly all the city owes something to that fest. Within the park, there is a replica of a Transylvanian castle, an area which used to be part of Hungary. Although it was originally built out of paper, the locals loved it so much that it was rebuilt out of stone.

All around this park, there were tents full of food, stalls selling toys, and carnival rides. As we found out later, there was a children’s festival this weekend and, lucky for us, that meant lots of locals enjoying their favorite Hungarian treats right beside us. We did a quick stroll through the options before getting a kolbasz (sausage) and Lángos, a delicious fried flatbread topped with garlic, sour cream, and cheese. I’m telling you, the funnel cake has a savory run for its money! After feasting on that, we did another lap around the park to make some more room before finishing our meal with a Chimney Cake, a deliciously toasted pastry, flavored with cinnamon. We sat beside a little lake and peeled apart the cake over half an hour before we finally made our way back to the city center.

By this point, the sun was starting to go down. We stopped by our little apartment to drop off our wet towels and suits before heading back into the city for some final sightseeing that day. We took a quick (5 mile) stroll along the Danube, trying like everyone else to get the perfect picture of the Parliament building. We stopped by the memorial shoes along the river, in memory of the victims of WWII that were shot there and left to float down the river. After looking at everything lit up by night, we ended the night in the best way possible – sipping some Hungarian red wines in the shadow of St. Stephen’s Basilica at a famous little wine bar called Di Vino. By this point (11:30!) my feet and I were a bit worn out so we took our walk home and fell fast asleep.

We woke up without an alarm the next day although, with transparent curtains, that was still fairly early. We had a quick cup of coffee, accompanied by some Hungarian cartoons and then some British TV. Then we started a full day of sightseeing. We started by crossing from Pest over to Buda by way of the Chain Bridge. Budapest was actually the two cities of Buda and Pest (pronounced pesht) until the 1873 century. The two cities could only be reached by boats crossing or by walking across on the frozen river, leaving crossers at risk of being stuck on the wrong side of the river. One such man was Count Széchenyi, who was stuck on the wrong side of the river when his father was dying. After missing his father’s funeral, he vowed to build a permanent bridge so that no one would be in the same situation. He held to his word and the bridge was built in 1849, the first time the two cities were connected.

Now people cross with regularity and we joined the wave of people crossing over to Buda from Pest. Our goal was the top of the hill, where we started Rick Steves castle hill walk under the Turul statue. We read about this historic symbol of the Magyar people before walking beside the Royal Palace, a recreation of the seat of Hungarian power since the Turul allegedly dropped the Magyar sword here. We decided not to go inside but enjoyed the panoramic view before going through a courtyard to admire a statue of King Matthias, one of the only Hungarian-born Hungarian rulers.

After that, we walked beside the President’s Palace before reaching the former Court theater. It has since been converted into the home of the Prime Minister, Viktor Orban. Needless to say, some people didn’t take his actions very well but just goes to show no matter how powerful you become, people will always be jealous of what they don’t have. From the palace, we went down to see the Matthias church before joining the crowds to crawl over Fisherman’s Bastion. We walked around the outlook until we found a somewhat-secluded corner to sit down and enjoy a picnic lunch of paprika salami, cheese, and apples. After half an hour there overlooking the Parliament building, we got a Starbucks cold brew (I know, #basic but it was so warm!) before starting the walk down Castle Hill toward the city center.

There, we met up with Regina, a local woman who was to be our guide for a 3-hour walking tour. We were joined by Francoise, a French 50-year old woman on her first trip to Hungary. The tour started with a walk through the streets, Regina introducing herself and her little sister who wanted to learn more English. We headed towards the river where, after seeing the famous Little Princess statue, Regina pointed out Gellért Hill with a tall bronze statue on top. Known as the Liberation Monument, Regina explained that it was given to them by the Russians, who were their liberators (occupiers?) after they sided with the Germans in WWII. Our next stop was beside the Hungarian University of Science, where we were introduced to the various Hungarian inventions, including the rubrics cube, Microsoft word and excel, and the vitamin C supplement, extracted from peppers.

After this history lesson, we were taken to the Chain bridge and were told one of the most famous stories in Hungary. The short version is, a man was commissioned to make the lion statues for the bridge. He was so enthusiastic that he went to the zoo every day to study the lions and, when he unveiled them, he said: “if anyone can find a flaw in my perfect lions, I will jump off the chain bridge and kill myself.” As the story goes, there was a little boy walking with his mom who asked: “Mom, where are the lions’ tongues?” Distraught that the little boy had found a flaw, the man did, in fact, jump off the bridge.

“It’s not true,” Regina assured us, “the sculptor lived for another 20 years and the lions do have tongues. But it is very Hungarian.”

After the bridge, we headed away from the river towards St. Stephen’s Basilica. On the way, we stopped by “Uncle Charlie”, the statue of a jolly police officer who was always happy to let anyone rub his big belly for good luck. He seemed to have had plenty of luck himself because, legend has it, that he had hundreds of lovers throughout his life. Anyone still looking for luck can rub his belly or, If they want more luck in their love life, they can rub his mustache as well. After snapping a picture on his right side (the left side is saved for “professional ladies”), we finished our walk down to the Basilica.

Here, Regina told us more about the religion of the country – 60% Christian, 30% not religious after the Soviets and then the largest population of Jews in Europe. St. Stephan turned the country Christian at a time when it was beneficial to be aligned with the church. 40 years after his death, they decided to canonize him and, after digging him up, they found his hand mummified so they chopped that off and saved it in a golden case. Besides the hand, the church also holds the “right leg” of Hungary. As part of the 1953 Hungarian soccer team, Ferenc Puskas led the team in one of their most successful seasons, including beating the unbeaten England team by 6-3 (which is still used in place of “cheers” in Hungarians bars.) (Our guide also used the term “in brackets” in place of “by the way” when speaking, making me realize how much I do put things in brackets.)

After this stop, we made a trip to the world’s first metro, built in 1896 for the fair. Originally pulled by horses, the metro still uses the same tram cars but there have been a few upgrades, most notably electricity. The tram took us out to Heroes Square, an expansive space that was dominated by an obelisk with the Angel Gabrielle on top. Below him were the 7 chieftains of the Magyar tribes and behind that, 14 of the greatest kings in Hungary’s history. We got a brief history of each as we walked into the park.

The history of this little country is full of tension and oppression. As Regina told us, the Hungarians have only won one revolution ever. “There was a war over if chimney cakes were Hungarian or a Romanian. It ended a few months ago, saying they are Hungarian. That is the only revolution we ever won.” Between the Ottomans, the Austrians, the Germans, and the Russians, the Hungarian people have been in charge of their own country for a shockingly short time throughout history. She pointed out a little pond that is used for ice skating and where they sell chimney cakes and mulled wine in the winter. We walked through the park and saw the castle and the festivities again. We heard about the world famous zoos and the Hungarian People’s love of the thermal baths. Turns out, all you need is a doctor’s note to get into the Thermal Baths for free! Anyone a doctor?

After the park, we took the metro back to the city center and walked through the Jewish Quarter. After walking through some trendy restaurants and a flea market filling a secret little alley, Regina showed us the Grand Synagogue, which is the largest Synagogue in Europe. There is a moving memorial garden behind the synagogue, paying respect to the victims of the Holocaust. After gazing at the second largest Synagogue in the world (only a smaller capacity than one in New York City) we made a beeline for our last stop of the day, the Parliament building. We sat outside the iconic building, which is 96 meters tall, matched only by St. Stephan’s Basilica. The symbolism of this height is two-fold. Not only is it to commemorate the 1896 millennium celebration (as is nearly everything else in the city) but also to symbolize that the church and the state are equals.

At this point, we said goodbye to our guide and, armed with a dinner recommendation, we started out for another walk around. Starting at Di Vino for a rejuvenating charcuterie board and glasses of wine, we watched a performance on the street and finished our final game plan. It started with a walk back to the Jewish Quarter for a dinner at Regina’s favorite, called Bob. After settling in on the sidewalk seating, we ordered one Hungarian 3 course meal (goulash, Chicken Paprikas, and a chocolate dumpling) and stuffed cabbage (a surprising favorite) and of course, more Hungarian wine. I spent the dinner trying not to get distracted by the English safari-themed bachelorette party behind Ryan. It was a bit hard to do between the shouting, the bags of Cheetos and chips they pulled out of their purses, the bride dry-heaving at the table and then proceeding to put her feet up on the table. When we had mentioned the 20 or so bachelor/ette parties we had seen, Regina had given a bit of an eye roll.

“The locals don’t really like it. It is cheap here compared to the rest of Europe so they come and get really crazy and make a big mess.” But when asked about how the locals felt about other tourists, Regina was more upbeat. “It is so different from when I started 5 years ago. There is one music festival that brings in 500,000 people in one week (the city itself is only 1.9 million) but we like that people are seeing our city and they are spread out enough so it is okay.”

As another, German-speaking bachelorette party joined the restaurant and a bachelor party got turned away for not having enough room, we were wondering at the number of people making Budapest their holiday destination. Although I have to say, it was definitely growing on us. Ryan ranked it as one of only 5 cities he wished he had a 4th day in, next to cities like London and Paris. Leaving a lot of things undone, we ended our last full day by going back to St. Stephans and enjoying a Rose-shaped gelato caramel butter pecan and white chocolate lavender cone from Gelarto Rosa.

The last day came and, with quite a few things left on our list, we decided to end it our favorite way – with food. We started out with a last walk by the Danube and the Parliament building. After saying goodbye, we headed down Vaci Utca, which was once the envy of the Soviet Union. After running under “goulash communism” (a term that meant they still allowed some Hungarian Free enterprise) the city was the first to allow the western evils, including the first McDonalds behind the Iron Curtain. I’ve been McD’s free since 2007 but I decided to break my steak in this historic restaurant, where people once waited an hour in line for a taste of freedom.

After a cheap breakfast, we finished our walk down the street, ending at the Central Market. Here, we walked along rows of produce, meat, cheese, and of course, paprika. We saw all the kitschy tourist souvenirs, including a few communist era t-shirts. (Personal favorite was a “Tzar Wars” shirt with Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin)

Saying no to all of that, we did decide to get a carved chess board and spent half an hour circling for options. We finally settled on a glossy brown-and-white board, sold by a sweet old woman. After buying the board and thanking her, we made our way to a corner for our last Chicken paprikas and stuffed cabbage, washed down with two Hungarian specialties – Unicum and Palinka. While Palinka was familiar (it’s just like schnapps) the unicum was an herbal drink that sent a shimmy down your spine. The Hungarians say it is just like medicine because it just kills everything on the inside. It certainly felt like it but Ryan finished it happily anyway.

While we ate our last meal, we wondered at the sweet old woman who had sold us the chess board. Not only did we wonder about the average annual income for Hungarians (€650/month after taxes) but we also talked about her life in particular. If she was in her early 80’s, like we thought, she would have been in grade school during the German Occupation, walking along the Danube at 5 years old at the same time men, women, and children were shot into the river by militiamen. She would have been a young girl when the country was “liberated” by the Soviets and she would have spent over half her life living under communist Russia. Only in the last few decades would she have been able to vote, to see the western world, and to embark in free enterprise. She would have been in her 60’s when Hungary got their independence and in her 70’s when the country joined the EU. All those things you read about in history books that seem like they can’t be real – those would have been her whole life.

That is the thought that I carry with me as we end this trip. After buying some paprika at the market, we boarded a bus to the airport. On reflection, the city and the people aren’t what you would expect when you think of a former Soviet country. The buildings are colorful, the people are friendly, the opportunities are plentiful, and the city is bustling with art and music and food and wine. It was an exhausting weekend (28 miles will do that) but one that left us wishing for a few more days to really get our fill of all things Magyar.

It was Buda-ful Alright, sorry for the bad pun but it had to be done. This weekend, Ryan and I spent 3 jam-packed days in Budapest and, around walking just over a marathon, we ate our body weight in delicious Hungarian cuisine.

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