#but she never blamed herself or her family

[raisedbythetv89]

The writers I think mostly completely by accident with the assistance of James charming his way into becoming a main character created the perfect storm to ensure people who love spike would reach absolute peak levels of being completely obsessively deranged about him forever

Season 2:

He’s a punk rock villain with killer cheekbones, enchanting eyes, and an absolutely DEVILISH smile - who’s an incredibly dedicated and dangerous fighter who specifically seeks out challenging fights he’s not guaranteed to win (brave and reckless - normally traits seen in heroes) hates everyone except his mentally ill physically sick wife (the statistics of men who leave their wives when they get sick in the US is horrifying like nurses literally have to warn married women who get sick it happens so often) who he’s hopelessly devoted to and unbelievably soft with and always listens to her while also exuding a psychotic amount of sex appeal and is just F U N he loves being a vampire and he loves fighting and it makes it so much fun for the audience. While still showing how much he respects and admires his enemy for her skill, strength, resourcefulness, and intelligence - NEVER underestimating her just because she’s a tiny blonde girl - and instead of destroying the world for love he SAVES the world for love - a villain doing good to get the love of his life back who essentially dumped him for her ex????????? D E V O T E D and shockingly extremely trustworthy??? And has amazing chemistry with our heroine and is there for a pivotal moment in her life and is the only one there for her when she has no one else????? *enemies to lovers girlies ENTER THE CHAT*

Season 3:

He shows he fucking MEANS IT when he says Dru is the love of his life when he shows up in Sunnydale because he blames Angel not Buffy or Drusilla but the man actually responsible for all their problems and he is the most pathetic mess we’ve ever SEEN!!!! He’s crying and drunk all the time and he’s so sad he goes to Buffy’s mom TO TALK 💀😭 our pathetic sensitive little self admitted lover boy who KNOWS he’s love’s bitch and he won’t be pretending he’s anything otherwise who shows how clearly he sees and understands other people and the depths of his emotional intelligence so much so Buffy herself admits she can’t fool Spike she can fool her friends BUT NOT SPIKE OR HERSELF EXCUSE ME MA’AM WHAT???????

AND Spike doesn’t just uselessly MOPE forever he gets some perspective and is like I know what I’m gonna do to her back and I’m gonna go do that now! 😁👍🏻 showing he never stays down for long and is always gonna get back up to keep fighting for his love while BOTH he and Buffy still honor the truce even though he’s broken it by coming back??? While Buffy’s all “I violently dislike you” YEAH OK GIRL WHATEVER YOU SAY *enemies to lovers girlies chomping at the bit intensifies*

Season 4:

CLEARLY heartbroken about Drusilla (DEVOTED!!!) but it’s turned into anger and resentment directed at Harmony who how bizarre looks nothing like Drusilla but A LOT like Buffy…… hmmmmmmmmmmmmm HOW INTERESTING *enemies to lovers girlies are vibrating with anticipation that turns into a full blown combustion when something blue happens*

Spike doesn’t pretend to love Harmony in order to get what he wants from her (shown in direct contrast to Parker) he’s ironically very honest despite being a villain - he’s showing he’s STILL loyal to Drusilla in ONLY loving her even after she’s dumped him... again!

We see Spike treat Buffy the EXACT same way he treated Drusilla during something blue reaffirming THIS IS HOW THIS MAN LOVES WHEN HE LOVES YOU. He’s extremely affectionate, helpful, protective, caring - D E V O T E D - and is truly just the most certified lover boy we’ve ever fucking seen

Season 5:

SURPRISE HE’S SECRETLY A LOVESICK MAMA’S BOY POET AT HEART UNDERNEATH THE BAD BOY PERSONA AND A PROTECTIVE BIG BROTHER AND NOW BUFFY AND HER FAMILY’S MOST LOYAL DEFENDER AND IS WILLING TO DIE NOT JUST FOR BUFFY BUT FOR ALL THE SUMMERS WOMEN AND HE KNOWS AND SEES BUFFY SO DEEPLY AND INTIMATELY AND CAN HOLD SPACE FOR HER PAIN LIKE NO ON ELSE CAN AND SHOWS THE DEVOTION THAT ONCE BELONGED TO DRUSILLA NOW BELONGS TO BUFFY AND IT IS GOING NOWHERE EVEN WHEN SHE DIES AND WE'VE SEEN IN HIM CRY BEFORE BUT NEVER HAVE WE SEEN HIM BREAK DOWN LIKE HE DOES AT THE SIGHT OF BUFFY'S BODY!!!!!!!!!!!

*all of us screaming, crying, throwing up, climbing the walls and generally just losing our minds*

Season 6:

No soul, his love is so great for Buffy as is his loyalty and devotion to her, he now helps all of his dead love’s friends fight evil and is raising her sister and dreams of saving her every night for 148 nights 🤚🏻😭 don’t even fucking talk to me I can’t take it

Forgive the absolute 180 in tone change here:

Dick game is FIRE - his touch is the only thing that makes Buffy feel alive AND SHE WAS IN HEAVEN BRO SHE KNOWS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE IN HEAVEN AND SPIKE IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING HER GOING like damn girl yes YOU FUCK THAT HOUSE DOWN!!! Also he is now just naked 50% of the time just to drive us all even FURTHER out of our minds and somehow has just gotten even hotter as the seasons have gone on like this is what’s been hiding under the leather jacket all this time! Enjoy!

And THE MOST unintended consequence of jw’s vindictive writing:

SPITE

He clearly didn’t want us to love Spike and tried to manipulate us into hating him in such a blatant and clumsy ooc attempt all that did was weed out the weakest amongst the Spuffy/Spike fans until all that remained were us:

The most devoted and stubborn fans who REFUSED to have the thing they loved ruined or taken away from us and were smart enough to see through his bullshit manipulation attempt in the first place.

Genuinely they created the equivalent of supersoilder strength level fans with this absolutely lethal combination of events 💀

AND THEN as if all that wasn't enough he goes and gets his soul on purpose for Buffy so he can be the man she deserves and she can love him without hating herself for loving him despite the immense pain it will cause him which is the most selfless thing we have ever seen anyone do for Buffy only to be topped when he sacrifices himself to destroy the hellmouth, save the world and free her from Sunnydale!!! Plus ya know once he gets the soul even though he did it for her he never tries to use that as leverage to get anything from her like he truly expects nothing from her at all but still wants to help her and James delivers the most devastating performances we've ever fucking seen, finally tells her friends off which has needed to happen for 5 seasons, the "you're the one speech" him being a dad to all the potentials with Buffy giving us supernatural parent core who made it through their rough patch with their first kid in season 6 with Dawn and now are just the beautiful team with their found family and Buffy finally has someone who can truly carry her burdens with her and just all the tenderness and devotion they both deserve after so many years of pain and fighting. Basically giving the audience the message that even if you have a metric ton of pain and trauma there are people out there who see you and understand you and there is a chance for you to heal both together and separately to build your own version of a more normal and stable life. It's a message of such hope and I personally know several people, including myself who watched what Spike and Buffy have and it inspired us to look at the relationships we were in and realize we deserved SO MUCH MORE than what we were getting and in my case it turned out I was being emotionally abused and manipulated that entire time!! Much like Buffy was by both Riley and Angel. So it isn't an exaggeration to say Spuffy saved my life in a lot of ways both in being there for me at such a dark time and helping me draw a map of how to get out. Not to mention loving them in fandom spaces has helped me connect with so many people just like me who share very similar experiences and have helped me feel so much less alone and has helped me heal in so many ways 🖤

Spuffies get "hOw cAn yOu liKe sPiKe aFtEr wHaT hE dId" all the fucking time and truly the better question is how can you NOT like Spike???? HAVE YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION AT ALL??? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT GOOD RELATIONSHIPS NEED TO WORK?? BECAUSE AT THEIR CORE SPUFFY HAS THEM ALL!

It's jw writing so NOTHING will escape his toxic bullshit but Spike - because he was hated by jw for so long - so much of the time when he tried to make Spike less popular he just kept making him better and more complex and more and more targeted to the female gaze which is exactly why he snapped and made the choices he literally forced everyone else to go along with despite their protests with that scene to make it the most traumatizing scene in all of Buffy history not just for the audience but for the actors as well because yes it is incredibly horrific and upsetting to watch (which is why I skip it on rewatches) but I still am able to see if for what it is which is a narcissist lashing out at people he hates because he hasn't been able to control them and too bad for him I refuse to be manipulated by his bullshit so it failed completely and made so many of us that much more stubbornly protective of Spike and his and Buffy's relationship not just from other fans but from the creator himself 🙃🖕🏻like he basically just trauma bonded us to Spike and Buffy which has led to the creation of one of the most devoted, loyal, intelligent fanbases who is absolutely unhinged (affectionate) with their love of this character and his relationship which is why we are all still creating and writing about this character 25 year later and show absolutely zero signs of slowing down or stopping 💀

#spuffy #spike btvs #meta #btvs meta #spike and buffy meta #spike btvs meta #spuffy meta #also every spuffy I know shares so much life experiences and personality traits with buffy herself like we are often making choices #and judgements about the narrative from the perspective of buffy herself & we’re all picking spike #so many people who pick other love interests truly so often rarely see buffy for who she is either #if you don’t get spuffy you don’t truly understand buffy herself

[dfortrafalgar]

I'm Finding You

Having a family isn't always as easy as fairy tales make it seem. But now, it might as well be a dream come true.

Warnings: read chapter 1 for warnings

Taglist: @phsycochan | @mirillua | @augustanna | @chaixsherlock | @whore-of-many-hot-men | @nerdisthenewcool | @lilypadmomentum | @1dkneo | @kitsunechan707

Epilogue

[Prev]

You pulled your car into your driveway, smiling at the sight of the two bicycles your daughters had received from the previous holiday season sitting by the door of your garage.  The green one, Cora's, was upside down.  Parking and grabbing your bag from the passenger seat, you pushed open your door and climbed out, walking around to the back door of your small house and pushing it open with your elbow.

“I’m home!” you shouted.

Immediately, little footsteps sprinted from the other room toward you.

“MAMA, I need to show you something!”  Cora almost slipped on the floor with the speed in which she threw herself at you, wrapping her arms around your legs and trying to drag you toward the living room.

Laughing, you placed your bag down on the counter beside the door and followed your ecstatic daughter into the rest of your home.

The sight that greeted you made you wheeze.

Cora and her sister had somehow apprehended their father, holding him to the floor and wrapping him in fake gauze.  Bepo was laying beside his dad with his fluffy head on his abdomen, snoring away despite the chaos.

“Daddy was a victim of an awful house fire, so we’re wrapping him up,” Rose blurted, tying more fake gauze around your husband’s arm.

Law lazily picked his head up from the floor.  “Hey, babe.  I was a victim in a house fire.  No other survivors.”  He didn’t even have time to ask you how your therapy appointment had gone before his younger daughter piped up once more.

“That’s right, and we’re the only doctors in the entire world qualified to help him!” Cora boasted, her small hands on her hips.  It was then you noticed your husband’s white work coat, with his badge still clipped to the breast pocket, shrouding Rose as she finished sloppily wrapping Law’s forearm in gauze.  She was swimming in it.  Her hands barely peeked out from the baggy sleeves.

You laughed, sitting down on the floor next to Bepo’s rump and crossing your legs.  “What are you teaching these kids?”

“Practical medicine,” he replied.

Rose smiled, giving a clumsy pat to her father’s noggin.  “You never know when you might need a skin graft.”

You snorted, pinching the bridge of your nose between your fingers.  “I think you might be the only five year olds on the planet who knows what a skin graft is.”

“Tomorrow, Daddy said he’s gonna teach us how to remove lung tumors,” Cora chirped.

You gazed at your husband, deadpanning.  He stared back at you.  “Before you say anything, this was their idea.”

“And who gave them the idea?” you asked, a smirk on your lips.

Law backpedaled, a small, faint blush ghosting over his cheeks.  “Can you blame me?”

You laughed, letting Cora pull you closer to her so she could give your own arm an expert assessment.

“No, I can’t.”

#x reader #reader insert #fem reader #law x reader #trafalgar law x reader #one piece x reader #trafalgar d water law x reader #op x reader #trafalgar d water law #trafalgar law #i'm losing you

[ellenembee]

I agree with all the posts out there talking about the Persuasion "adaptation's" character assassination. From what we can see (though I fully admit trailers aren't always true to the movie), Anne is not the calm, reserved, rational, reliable, sensible, and above all self possessed woman of the books, but rather some kind of modern construct built from Austen's more popular women like Lizzie and Emma. (In reality, Anne, Elinor, and Fanny Price would be on a blanket sipping tea while Lizzie, Emma, Catherine, and Marianne were off vexing men and making trouble.)

One thing I haven't seen mentioned, though, is that from the context of the times, Anne was not just being swayed because she valued her family's continued support and Lady Russell's opinion, but because Lady Russell's concerns were real and frightening. Marrying Wentworth *before* he made his fortune was an *incredible* risk to her safety and wellbeing. Throughout the book, we see countless manifestations of "what if" scenarios:

Mr. Elliott as an example of how she likely would've been disowned by her family if she'd married Frederick anyway

Anne's old school friend Mrs. Smith as an example of her life if she'd married anyway, been disowned, and Frederick had died or become injured enough to not be able to properly support her

Benwick and Fanny Harville as an example of what might have happened if she'd kept the engagement but agreed not to marry him until he'd made enough to support them

Her sister Mary's comfortable life as an example of what she might have had if she'd said yes to Charles Musgrove.

Louisa Musgrove as an example of how Anne might have acted if she'd been less risk averse and less prudent in her youth.

You can argue the validity of Anne's situation compared to these manifestations (likely Lady Russell would have risked angering Sir Elliott and taken Anne in with the idea of an eventual reconciliation), but there are countless other examples throughout the book. They are meant to reinforce the point that Anne is reconciled to her own actions, much as she might regret them.

This is not a book where Anne blames herself or her family. She did the "right" thing by breaking it off with Frederick. She just now wishes with her whole being that she hadn't done the "right" thing.

"... but Anne, at seven-and-twenty, thought very differently from what she had been made to think at nineteen. She did not blame Lady Russell, she did not blame herself for having been guided by her ... She was persuaded that under every disadvantage of disapprobation at home, and every anxiety attending his profession, all their probable fears, delays, and disappointments, she should yet have been a happier woman in maintaining the engagement than she had been in the sacrifice of it."

And later, to Frederick:

"If I was wrong in yielding to persuasion once, remember that it was to persuasion exerted on the side of safety, not of risk."

In hindsight, she sees all the risks and all the examples of her possible life choices, and thinks now it would have been worth the pain and risk. To be disappointed by fate would have been far better than the constant estrangement from the man she has loved for eight years.

Anne sees all the possibilities of how her life might have played out in the people around her, and she accepts it.

And the best part is that Frederick acknowledges that Anne was right to be cautious.

"He had imagined himself indifferent, when he had only been angry, and he had been unjust to her merits, because he had been a sufferer from them ... He had learnt to distinguish between the steadiness of principle and the obstinacy of self-will, between the darings of heedlessness and the resolution of a collected mind ...

Fredrick knew he'd been resentful and proud. And he owns up to his mistake of thinking ill of her for so long. He admits he was his own worst enemy when it came to his happiness with Anne. And Anne reinforces this with her words to him near the end:

I have been thinking over the past ... and I must believe that I was right, much as I suffered from it, that I was perfectly right in being guided by [Lady Russell] ... Do not mistake me, however. I am not saying that she did not err in her advice. It was, perhaps, one of those cases in which advice is good or bad only as the event decides ...

Anne is calm. She follows her conscience. She is sensible and, yes, resolute when she needs to be. She's amazing as she is and doesn't need to be made into something she's not.

She is appealing because of who she is, and it's also why she's my favorite Austen woman. To divorce Anne of these things is to create a new character and inherently alter the story.

So call it something else. Say it's "inspired by" Persuasion if you want. But don't pretend that you can alter the main character's very personality and still call it Persuasion.

#persuasion #jane austen #i haven't gone this deep into literary critique since my Brit lit days #but Anne deserves better #and she also deserves to be understood in the context of her times #she did what she thought was right #she regretted it #but she never blamed herself or her family #it simply was what it was #time for another read through of the book i guess #not my anne #okay i might be done now #but probably not lbr #still salty #mine

[haunted-xander]

You ever think about how Ryne probably got a more honest yet closed-off Thancred while Minfilia got a more disingenuine yet open Thancred?

Like, the Thancred Minfilia knew and grew up with was the one we saw in arr, the flirty, teasing and sassy but friendly man who was clearly not very honest seeing as no one- not even Minfilia- noticed how worn out he was from his constant work. Even just by hw he's noticably more prickly and. not quite rude but. more outwardly cynical? He's always been kinda cynical, but in arr his teasing and banter hides it well, which never disappears but is more. natural? genuine? now. Krile directly points out that he's much more brusque than she expected of him based on how Minfilia described him.

And sure, you could attribute that behaviour to his grief and stress (which is certainly a part of it) but considering he acts much the same in ew, when he's finally moved on and come to terms with everything (and is also post-shb character development), I think it's safe to say that this is the most honest we've seen Thancred be.

But this is all Ryne has known him to be. She's never seen Thancred be flirtatious or as social and friendly as he is in arr, she's only seen him be brusque and cynical but still teasing and kind. But he's also far more closed off from her (and others) bc of That Whole Deal going on. Urianger has told her more about Thancred's true feelings than Thancred himself has. and even that's not a lot, for Urianger is not only not a mind reader and doesn't know everything that goes on on Thancred's head, but also is reluctant to share more than is necessary since it's not his place to divulge these things (and also he himself is not free from the folly of emotional self-isolation).

With Minfilia though, he's open enough that she's never doubted that he cared for and loved her even when he couldn't spend much time with her, and she felt comfortable enough to admonish him when he did his usual self-destructive behaviour (you know, becoming an alchoholic at 17 and All That Entails)

Just. food for thought

#theres a lot of these parallels between ryne & minfilia in regards to their relationship with thancred #like. the way things are so similar yet so *different* from each other #same same but opposite ya know #like how thancred blames himself for warburtons death and by extention minfilia being orphaned even tho it was in no way his fault #vs how he knowingly took ryne away from ran'jit bc he knew that whatever other life shed live would be better than what she had #when minfilia first experienced the echo thancred knew wat it was but didnt tell her (for circle of knowing related reasons) #whereas he told ryne everything he could in regards to her powers and circumstances #he gifted minfilia her dagger for self-defense but never taught her how to fight #but ryne was not only gifted daggers by him but also taught how to properly fight and fend for herself with them #and he trusted minfilia in the main care of f'lhaminn while he took a more secondary support role #but he assigned himself the primary caretaker for ryne while the others (read: urianger) became secondary ones #(granted due to rynes situation he kinda had no other choice at the time) #(but im sure he wouldve taken the same role even if he could theoretically have safely handed her over to someone else) #also just to be clear thancred IS genuinely social and friendly even hw & up #just not as extroverted #he spends a lot of time either by himself or with fellow scions/other close companions #rather than with whatever lady hes trynna impress next #anyway. yet another day of being Completelt Normal about this complicated family situation #thancred waters #ryne waters #minfilia warde #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #xander rambles #xander being insane about ryne

[kasimova-dariia]

Anne & Casey, two lost souls

#kasimova's art #alan wake #alan wake 2 #anne murphy #anne #alex casey #at some level I draw a parallel between Anne and Mona since they both share a shady job and loss of a family member #but Anne was never into acting mysterious and cool #she is a big hothead #she has been in trouble #she couldn't save her family so she blames herself #then she loses one last person that was everything for her #it was easier to not let anyone too close to her heart ever again #even if she wants to be loved so desperately #Anne could see that growing hole in Casey's heart

[thealliumsys]

" Just shut up and come over and watch cartoons with me,

'Cause I don't think that I can take much more of this lack of simplicity... "

AU where Charlie commits suicide, and William, who had recently learned about souls due to Elizabeth's death and subsequent possession of Baby, puts her into the puppet. Nothing is okay, and he starts murdering children soon after. Michael never recovers from losing his bestie.

I created this because angst is my lifesource.

#five nights at freddy's #fnaf charlie #fnaf michael afton #michael afton #fnaf #fnaf au #fnaf fanart #foxy #puppet fnaf #fnaf marionette #afton family #afton fnaf #mike afton #william afton #charlie emily #fnaf art #fnaf fandom #Michael blames himself for the rest of his life because the last conversation he had with her was an argument #she killed herself right after #He never moves on #she tries to communicate with him through the puppet but he never notices #there is only pain #art

[dramarants]

ah they just had the fiancee cheat with arguably the slimiest character in the show to try and balance out the leads finally kissing, all of a sudden spells aren't real and the curse is entirely forgotten they're solving everything with lazy ass writing okay

#don't get me wrong - shinyu trying to leave hongjo alone while desperately yearning being protective and playfully possessive/jealous #only to kiss her when he's so overcome with accepting his (and realizing her) truth SHOULD be delicious #and yet... once my bi heart looks past the chemistry/visuals... 😐 #destined with you #also implicating hongjo as stealing 2nd fl's man twice for so long and having her slapped - make it make sense pls #like yes she's lonely immature and being wooed made her feel good inside but she never encouraged shinyu's behavior #hasn't even figured out she doesn't like jae kyung or whatever anymore for herself #technically shinyu's feelings aren't her responsibility esp w/o magic but the show's premise rn makes her the 'other woman' to blame #we're in the middle of things unravelling but i s2g if she doesn't have agency or a modicum or self respect/honesty in the next eps.. 🤦🏾‍♀️ #but going back to the post - the show could have justified shinyu's breakup with the fact that he wasn't invested from the beginning #or that 2nd fl is a two faced bully and show that forcing relationships bc of status/attraction/history/family pressure ends poorly #but instead it's taking a female character who would be justifiably upset and vilifying her so that her pain seems deserved #she's already unlikable and pitiful (there's like only two women in this entire show portrayed positively) but no #let's make her as 2d & evil as possible to uplift hongjo instead of putting in work to develop the lead/story & appeal to the audience #writers prove me wrong challenge

[herawell]

.

#negativity cw #mother mention cw #if there’s one good thing about last eeekend’s meltdown #now I know that even after almost a year of therapy which supposedly ‘saved’ her marriage to my dad #my mom still feels no compunctions about last year’s Dec 20 and 21 screamfests #where she told me she would be gifting my dad a divorce for Xmas and it would be my fault #for trying to [redacted] herself in front of me while I whisper screamed for her not to #for blaming me every year since age 13 for their marriage being in the rocks #after a year of therapy and imploring me to seek therapy myself #she still doesn’t regret any of it #I vowed to myself after last year’s Christmas meltdown that I would never get them any kind of anniversary gift again #not after a decade of being blamed as a child for their issues #and now I feel no remorse about that decision #no flowers no chocolates no cards no special surprises #I’m the eldest child and earning close to six figures and not a penny of it will go to celebrating their Union #and i don’t care how bad it makes me look #she can get a one-line ‘congrats’ in the family WhatsApp group chat and that’s it #you don’t get to scream at me every 18 months ever since I was 14 #that I am the one strain on your otherwise faultless marriage #that it’s my fault my siblings will grow up in a broken home #that it’s my fault we’ll have to sell the family home of 30 years to pay for the divorce #and never apologize at all even years down the line when I’m an adult and you’ve had your ‘character development’ #and expect me to celebrate your Union #it’s very very petty and idk if she’ll notice bc I’ve never really made anniversary gifts for them before #but that’s my revenge

[neuromantis]

my main issue with pill is that she can't decide either.

it is either "i am her" or she'll listen to me blather on and on and on and say "have you considered it's not true?"

so what is it? would you accept you are Her, and that telling me that made me so much worse on topic of Her? (better in some ways, but still utterly helpless)

or are you going to give me a reality check and try and fix my brain because it's hurting you too?

if you genuinely do not want me in that way, then stop agreeing with my delusions? are you Her? are you not?

why would you spend time and effort convincing me you are, just to flip-flop endlessly?? i am not sane. i need clear conclusions.

the time we genuinely tore each other to shreds was when i spoke about what i Feel and what i Think. because there are things that Feel right to me, logical, clear as day. but when i Think about it for long enough, it's really nothing besides schizophrenic delusions. i can still differentiate. but that's what hurts. i want to succumb fully or cut it all away. i can't be ambivalent HERE.

i will be happier if i succumb. i will be healthier if i cut away. i am neither currently. it all hurts so much.

"it really can't be possible", tells me my logic. "but it all perfectly lines up and makes so much sense", tells me my insanity. i am not the one to decide.

we talked about dissociation and voices too. and we're both unusual in that regard. so she must know how this feels. to be forever suspended in unknowing. to rely on others to show you a way to live.

#and what do i really have? #a father who is always drunk and delusional and won't say shit besides feeding into my ambiguity? #a mother who just starts crying and blaming herself so it's absolutely impossible to get anything out of her? #my other family members who never knew a single thing about me/us really? #a god who mocks me inside my head 24/7? #''to see the world again - and my sister just gives me that weird surreal look'' #if she's not... why do i remember? holding a hand in a red enveloping warmth #bedtime stories about purpose and intent #not ever matching anything - but having to share a single thing #tubes snaking up and down and hushed voices all around #a body on a metal table covered in white #cold clammy grasp of march dirt #white white white flowers losing petals #the rot setting in the rot sets in the rot sets in the rot sets in the rot sets in #why the fuck do i have to remember these things if they never happened?? #i know it's not true - but i've burned every picture and every diary #so how can i trust this decision? if i never trusted my memory either way it sides?

[icharchivist]

also i am very sorry for my lack of responsivity these days, i've been having quite a few rough days and my brain isn't working at its best of capacity as a result

it'll get better, eventually, it's just various different blows in a row everytime i get a little better from the previous one and i'm just really tired atm

#had a family thing a few days ago and my sister snapped at me again and it's been difficult #too long and too stupid to explain but it's been a team up to remind me my childhood home isn't my home #and i'm taking too much place just by somewhat being here (something i was forced with being to start with) #i have a surgery (wisdom teeth) in december that i've been procrastinating for a decade bc someone need to take care of me on the aftermath #and my family never wanted to make time for it #and i finally caved in bc i'm in too much pain and i need the surgery and my mom swore she'll take care of me for the week #only to just call me now and tell me she can't do it #and it's not her fault she herself is getting hospitalized in emergency so i can't blame her #but it's a massive blow adding to the previous ones #and now i have to try to work with the rest of the family to make it work which will be annoying #it's like the whole family is making a coalition on me to remind me i take too much place #for just somewhat existing and having health issue to deal with #sighs. i'm very tired. the whole thing hit on a lot of deep wounds to start with and it's exhausting. #so sorry i'm only half responsive lately i'll get there #ichatalks #ichapersonal

[deathdxnces]

"I've never killed a person... just a lot of Noxians."

in-game quotes can’t be taken literally etc, but I think this one is pretty spot on in how irelia sees noxians in general. they are never people she has irreconcilable differences with; they’re not people period. it’s very different from her stance on other enemies, such as the shadow order or the navori brotherhood. 

not seeing noxians as people is a mix of rage/resent and a coping mechanism after having to fight and kill them when she was really young (and coming from a background that preached non-violence in any situation, as well). she hates them enough that seeing them as something other than people comes easy, and seeing them like that makes it easier to fight and kill without (as much) guilt. dehumanization isnt uncommon in soldiers, and it definitely plays a part on why she doesn't feel the same grief towards the noxians she killed and the ionians, even if none of them were innocents.

when it comes to the enemies she has to face in her own homeland, from her own people, the situation is very different.  stains on a name shows her facing an ionian enemy who wants to kill her, but she talks to him first, apologizes for disappointing, and only really uses her blades when it’s clear the man would die before being captured. 

and in this case, she can’t stop seeing them as people. she doesn’t hate the navori brotherhood even after they try to have her killed, regardless of their differences. which is also why killing ionians, even in self-defense, is something that weighs a lot heavier on her. they are people, and they are her people, even if they tried to take her life. she feels very guilty for killing them, even in self defense — her hands are permanently stained with their blood, and it’s something she doesn’t think there’s absolution from.

facing her people, even the more... villainous of them, is never really something she enjoys. still, looking at fighting and killing in general, i think part of why she feels so bad about it is precisely because she doesn't hate it as much as she should, when she outright enjoys ending noxians. because it's one thing to be incapable of just sitting and watching and following a non-violent philosophy while people destroy what’s important to you, and something else to actually rejoice in killing them. part of her will always feel guilty for leaving the beliefs of her family and the tradition of her people behind (and feel all the worse for the fact she doesn't hate her path as much as she thinks she should).

#irelia understands the necessity of fighting back and values those who did #she'd be the first to take up arms again in a new invasion #and i think in part? yeah she doesn't like violence she hates killing #except when she doesnt. except when getting revenge felt good actually even if it didn't bring her family back #and i think she hates herself for that a little. she feels very guilty. that isn't at all in line with what she was taught to believe #and that she hates noxus in turn because she blames it (the nation the people the army the entity) for forcing her to become this #her family is dead but she continues to internalize what she thinks they would have thought of her in a very punishing way #she can't be what they would have wanted her to be and it breaks her heart but she can't turn her back on what she feels she has to do #anyway #love the twisted mirror-ness of it in this contradiction between what she is and what ionia's traditions would dictate #and the fact noxian values would have set her free of that angst (she'd never ever embrace them tho) #this is really just a rant idk where this is going bye #» out of character — ⌜main sup irl.⌟ #» character study — ⌜both the tranquil sea and the tempest.⌟

[clumsycapitolunicorn]

The way Hop, El and Will have a lot of self loathing, while Jonathan doesn't ever try putting himself first for once and Joyce is labelled crazy and she is constantly worrying for her family 24/7. Give them a break, please.

#stranger things #the hopper byers #they deserve a break #hop thinking so little of himself and like he shouldn't deserve love #el thinking she's a monster for having a human emotional reaction and blaming herself for something she's not responsible for- #-while struggling with her identity because she never got to explore it and she's being hero worshipped too much #will dealing with his sexuality that won't be accepted by all and he's scared those closest too him won't accept- #-while being ignored by his friends and he has a lot of trauma to unpack #jonathan has been stuck in a parental role starting from a young age and had to help his mum so he feels like the glue of the family that- #-has to stay in case something happens and not wanting his gf to put her dreams on hold- #-but he is putting his own dreams on hold for everyone else and has a lot of father issues #joyce hasn't had a break in a long time even before the UD stuff #she's been treated badly by her husband and the town and has to provide for her kids- #-went through losing her kid nearly twice and lost someone in a brutal way which still haunts her- #-thought she lost hop and blamed herself and finally got him back and she's going to have to face more UD sh*t #-with her two kids in the centre of it because of their connection

[johndonneswife]

spending time with my sister again is making me sad. i want to shake her and scream at her and let her know there’s more for her out there - all she has to do is grab it. she’s only been here 24 hours and has already facetimed our mom, dad & grandmother multiple times, as if she doesn’t see all three of them every day back home. she’s constantly been telling me stories about my cousin’s kids as if they’re her own - shows me pictures of them posing in front of art projects she does with them, candids of them playing at the park. she expects me to be sadder than i am because someone in our extended family, who i talk to maybe once every 8 years, is sick. she deliberately forces herself to speak with a thick accent like everyone we know, but i can tell she’s faking it. she’s talking about buying a house that will be ‘good’ for our parents and her boyfriend’s mom to live in ‘one day,’ when she’s never even had a real job and has never lived away from my parents. she’s asking me about the guest list for my wedding and bringing up all these people in our family she knows i don’t like, who i don’t talk to, who i don’t even consider family anymore.

i want her to live for herself for once in her life. i want her to be single for once in her life. i want her to learn not to rely on a boyfriend to bolster her self-esteem. i want her to make new friends, to come home late, to have a ‘rebellious phase.’ i want her to feel real anger. i want her to have her own thoughts, to have real interests and passions. i want her to have a life outside of the cult that is our family. i wish she knew she was more than a baby factory. i wish she knew she was more than my mother’s puppet. i wish she knew people would still love her and cherish her if she would just be herself - and with that knowledge, i wish more than anything she would feel comfortable enough to finally figure out who exactly she is.

all she does is perform. she plays it safe - sticks to all the approved hobbies and phrases and thoughts and aspirations. she doesn’t even know she’s doing it. and being around her is fine but she is emotionally immature because of all of this shit. she lacks depth. she is not a self-actualized person. i could not tell you anything about her soul. she leans in too hard to what everyone else has always wanted her to be.

selfishly - she could maybe be the one person in the world who understands me best - but she’ll never be. and that makes me sad, too.

#i love my sister and i wish she would spend time figuring out who she is #and it makes me sad that she won’t #she will pop out at least three babies and live in the same town as the rest of my family and never travel and never read anything good #she will dedicate her life to her husband and her kids and her career and make them all her entire personality #and after a while there will be nothing of her left #because she never cared enough about herself to nuture her own weirdness and embrace her individuality and love herself despite her flaws #and i blame my family for that but i also kind of blame her too #i’m just sad for her #our relationship is fine but i wish i could tell her this without starting a massive argument #i just need her to know. it’s okay to want more. and i need her to stop stop stop being brainwashed by these stupid fucking people #how did i never notice how bad it was when i was living near my family? i feel so stupid #i repressed so much of my childhood and bits and pieces are coming back lately #but with sara right now. i feel like the dam is breaking. ugh #text #i want her to be happy and fulfilled i just really do #there’s just so much shit in the way #don’t get me started on how she’s also self-diagnosing herself with a million different mental illnesses tho i need another post for that #don’t reblog this obviously. dunno why i have to write that

[hobbitunderthemountain]

man if think about how much my mental health has probably fucked up my physical health ESPECIALLY when I was younger.....i just get mad about it

#maybe one day i'll make a full post about it #but recently its fucked me up thinking about how all my medical issues as a child #(first stomachaches and then later #chronic headaches i was eventually hospitalized for) #all of which were doctors going 'idk whats wrong with you we'll try this' #and all of it i feel like roots back to my anxiety and depression and if I had just been seen for those issues #maybe just maybe i wouldn't have had to go through all those issues #i can never tell my mom this though bc she would blame herself and feel as if it were her fault #and its not!! she didn't know as much as I didn't know as much as the doctors didn't know #between that and how she grew up and how her family health with mental health #im not surprised!! #but looking back things seem so much clearer #and this is where im stuck at 30 trying to figure out what meds are gonna help my stupid brain

[kiralamouse]

RIP Colbyjack; you were a good hamster and deserved far better than to serve as proof that a 4yo has moved from the “cherish all living things” phase to the “let’s see what we can do with them” phase.

#my family #poor sis is beside herself #i maintain that it isn't sis's fault bc that little girl a year ago would have never thrown her hamster around #and even now the only warning that she was getting rougher was that she was rougher on her toys and the cats #but never to the point where the cats did more than roll their eyes and leave #and never to the point of harming the toys #and lil girl was so scrupulous about Being Responsible taking care of the cats that i see why sis caved #but niece ain't getting anywhere near nephew's hamster if he has anything to say about it #and i don't blame him in the least

[ickadori]

++ 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘

[summary] wrio missed his wife, and she missed him just as much. two simps in love.

[cws] fluff. fem reader -> wriothesley’s wife. reader is a mondstadt native. kissing.

Wriothesley’s cup of tea pauses halfway to his mouth as there’s a knock at his office door. His fingers tighten unconsciously around the handle, that incessant throbbing at his temples that had been dying out suddenly tapping into its nth life.

He contemplates ignoring it; pretending he didn’t hear it and indulging in his fresh brew, but he’s never been one to shirk off his work, no matter how inconsequential the task.

He sets the cup down rougher than necessary, and the legs of his chair scrape loudly against the floor as he pushes it back from his desk and stands to his feet. Someone better be dead or on the verge.

It was an unspoken rule that Wriothesley wasn’t to be bothered at this time -a quarter after five until six- because it was official tea time, a very, very important time in his day that let the inhabitants in Meropide see his most agreeable side… although he had heard talk from a few gossipy guards and prisoners that his ‘pissy attitude’ this past month had nothing to do with his interrupted tea times, but rather that his wife had gone back to Mondstadt to visit family.

“You know how he gets when he doesn’t see her after a while—downright scary. I’ve never seen a man look so enraged and distraught at the same time.”

“He put me on pipe restoration duty —don’t laugh, it isn’t funny! Worst job in the whole place, I swear— for the next six months all because my wife dropped by with a bento on my break. Apparently no one can be happy when his missus is away.”

“I caught him staring at her picture the other day, y’know the one he keeps in that chain around his neck, and sighing like some schoolgirl. I nearly thought my daughter had somehow gotten herself arrested and thrown down here when I heard all those lovesick sighs.”

It was all hearsay and speculation, of course. Wriothesley could manage just fine with you away - he was a grown man, a weathered man, a man who could function fully without the company of his wife.

That’s right, he thinks to himself. He’s been doing just fine in your absence, a bit quicker to anger than usual, but with the looming threat of being turned into a big, sopping puddle right below his feet, could you really blame him?

The door is wrenched open, strands of black and gray flying back from where they rested against his forehead due to the strong gust of wind he created.

“What is it now?” He nearly hisses out, but he manages to get a reign on it last minute, the words coming out a bit strained instead. He eyes the guard standing in front of him, their eyes flitting between the crease between his brows and the floor. “Spit it out before I—”

He stops abruptly when he hears a voice that he knows intimately well, and had he possessed any shame when it came publicly displaying the love he harbored for you, he would have been a touch embarrassed at the speed of which his frown smoothed out and the throbbing in his head disappeared, a sparkle in his eyes as his shoulders lose a bit of their tension.

“Oh? He has? Thank you for telling me, Sigewinne. I’ll get right on that.” You come rounding the corner with the small doctor at your side, a knapsack in your hands, and had Wriothesley been any less sane, he would have swore that he could feel the rays of the sunshine beaming down on his skin and fresh air filtering into his lungs when you turned your gaze to him, scornful as it was.

You’re fitted in a dress that’s customary for the women in your homeland to wear, and flowers are weaved into your hair, and the ring on your finger seems to shine a bit brighter.

“Wriothesley.” You march up to him, eyebrows knitted together, and push your finger against his chest. “What is this I hear about you acting like a tyrant?”

“You look beautiful.” He breathes out.

“And going to the Pankration ring? You know those poor people don’t stand a chance against you. That’s just bullying.”

“Let me take your bag, it looks heavy.”

“And you haven’t been eating right, either! Look at your face — you’ve lost weight!” He transfers the bag from your hands to his, and when his fingers brush against yours, he finally lets a smile bloom on his face, being met with a huff. “Don’t smile at me. I’m mad at you.”

“Can’t help it, happy to see you.” You falter a bit, corners of your lips twitching, but you hold strong, choosing to save face in front of the onlookers—always put up a good fight, especially when others are looking, is what he had told you once upon a time. “I’ve missed you so much.” It comes out in a low murmur, eyes locked onto yours and refusing to stray, even when you decide that his gaze is a bit too heavy for the setting and avert your own.

“I-well-you…just get inside your office.”

He’s nice enough to hold back a chuckle, instead stepping to the side so that you can shuffle past him and inside. Before he shuts the door, his gaze turns icy and his smile thins out as he lets his eyes sweep over everyone present. A resounding groan is heard, the unspoken promise loud and clear, and then he’s pushing the door shut and turning on his heel.

You’re on him in a second, arms wrapped around his waist as you bury your face into his chest. He returns the hug just as quick, thick, burly arms circling around your shoulders as his head dips down so he can stuff his nose into your hair and breathe your scent in.

Your voice comes out muffled as you try to speak, and he loosens his hold on you a bit, allowing you to pop your head up so you can look up at him. There’s a halfhearted pout on your lips, and his response is a reflex as he leans down to give you a peck once, twice, three times before moving on to place one on the tip of your nose.

“You were supposed to let me scold you out there, birdie. Now everyone’s gonna know that I let you off easy.”

“Let me off easy? I’d say this is the meanest you’ve ever been to me,” he gives an exaggerated expression of hurt. “You haven’t even told me you missed me, or that you’re happy to see me, or that you’ll never leave again because you couldn’t stand being away from me.”

“You’re so dramatic.” You smile despite yourself, and he kisses you again, scarred hands moving to cradle your cheeks. You part with a gasp for air, and its his turn to smile when you stretch up to reconnect your lips, the lack of air not deterring you in the slightest.

“Breathe, sweetheart…” He rasps against your lips, and you suck in a breath, eyes slowly blinking as you tug at the material of his shirt. There’s a rush of emotions that washes over him at the unspoken confirmation that you missed him just as much as he had missed you, and he lets his hands wander down to settle on your waist, fingers flexing as they squeeze at the flesh there through the material of your dress.

“Well, well, well,” he starts, and you blink out of your stupor to don a guilty expression. “Looks like you haven’t been eating right, either, hypocrite.” He lightly pinches at your side, and you squeal out a laugh as you lightly bat at his hand.

“Have I told you that I missed you, and that I’m sooo happy to see you, and that I’ll never, ever leave again because I can’t stand being away from you?” You flutter your lashes up at him, direct that heart-stopping smile up at him, and for a split second he thinks that the primordial sea has broken the seal and reduced him to nothing but a puddle at your feet.

“Careful now, words like that are liable to kill a man, and this place isn’t fitting for a sweet girl like you.”

“Oh? Then maybe I should leave earlier than I intended t—” He quiets you with a kiss, and you laugh into it, earning a gentle nip on your bottom lip. Your teasing smile settles into something sweeter, tender, vulnerable, and it mirrors him perfectly.

You both speak your next words in unison.

“I missed you.”

#wriothesley x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin fluff