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steddiealltheway · 4 months

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"I want you," Steve says, staring deeply into Eddie's eyes, watching several emotions flitter through them before stepping back and gesturing to him expectantly.

Eddie swallows hard and takes a deep breath before looking at the ground and mumbling, "I want you."

Steve sighs and hits his arm. "You have to speak up and make direct eye contact. Come on, try again." Eddie groans loudly and rubs his hands over his face. Steve laughs, "You said you wanted my help sounding sexy or whatever for Hellfire."

Eddie huffs and corrects him, "I don't want Jeff and Gareth making fun of me again when I'm acting out a talented seductress."

Steve raises his eyebrows and puts his hands on his hips. "Then, try it again. Picture someone you actually want, and pretend you're talking to them. Don't think about the Hellfire guys. Just think about that person."

Steve watches as Eddie takes a moment to stare at him before dropping his gaze to the ground. He huffs out a humorless laugh and shakes his head before collecting himself and slowly sauntering up to Steve. Eddie looks up at him through his lashes and lowly, very convincingly says, "I want you."

Goosebumps make their way down Steve's arms and his heart starts practically beating out of his chest. He can't help it as his eyes dip down to Eddie's lips, taking in how soft and pink they look. His tongue darts out to wet his suddenly dry lips, and he has the intense urge to lean in and close the distance between them.

Instead, Eddie takes a step back, and Steve finally looks up at his eyes, seeing a multitude of emotions once again. Neither of them says a word as they stare at each other, a tense silence filling the space between the two of them as Steve takes the moment to process what the hell just happened.

Eddie clears his throat and quietly asks, "Was that... good?"

Right. That's what they were doing. Steve nods and runs a hand through his hair. "Ye-yeah. That was... that was great." He settles his hands on his hips again and nods with a tight expression on his face.

"So... should we continue?"

Steve shrugs and decides to simultaneously torture and confuse himself. "Yeah. We have to see if that strategy works with more phrases, right?"

"Right," Eddie says sounding as hesitant as Steve feels.

"Okay," Steve says with a clap and ignores the way Eddie jumps at the abrupt noise. He juts out his hip and crosses his arms. "So what are some of the other things you'll have to say?"

Eddie's brows furrow and his tongue sticks out momentarily, thoroughly distracting Steve before he asks, "You want to kiss me, don't you?"

Steve's eyebrows and pulse shoot up at record speed. "Sorry?"

"It's... one of the phrases," Eddie says, staring at Steve with concern. "Are you sure you want to keep helping me?"

"Yeah," Steve answers a little too quickly and continues, "Okay, try that one again. Really have fun with it this time. Less like you're telling me- I mean, them, and more like you know a secret of theirs."

Eddie nods. "Less accusatory, more flirtatious. Got it," he says with a wink, a small smile appearing on his face showing off his cute dimples. He reaches up into his hair and twirls a strand of hair around one of his fingers as he asks, "You want to kiss me, don't you?"

Without thinking, Steve blurts out, "Yes."

Eddie's whole flirty act drops. "What?"

"Yes!" Steve says with a weird overabundance of energy that usually only Eddie contains. "That was it! Yes as in, you got it. That was perfect. Next line," Steve rambles out, trying to distract Eddie from his own reaction.

"Why don't you come closer, sweetheart?" Eddie asks, not even pausing to get into character as he just slips into the flirtatious persona effortlessly.

Steve turns away and runs a hand through his hair. "Jesus Christ," he mutters because yes he wants to come closer and-

"Hmm?"

"I said, 'Do another,'" Steve lies.

"While you're not facing me?"

Steve nods. "Need to hear if it's convincing when I can't see you." That's definitely a good lie.

He hears Eddie take a deep breath behind him. "I can't stop thinking about you."

Steve squeezes his eyes shut and finds himself yearning for the phrases to be truthfully directed at him. He tries not to give himself away as he asks, "Isn't D and D interactive? Like you'll have people responding to you?"

Eddie hums in confirmation behind him, and Steve finally turns around, catching a glimpse of fear before Eddie's face goes carefully blank.

"Should we practice that?" Steve asks, truly torturing himself.

Eddie stares at him for a moment and nods. His mouth opens and closes a few times before he finally commits to asking, "What's someone like you doing here, pretty boy?"

Steve's heart flutters in his chest at the nickname but sinks when he reminds himself that it's not real. "I'm not sure."

"Really?" Eddie asks and steps closer to him, smiling teasingly. "Because I think we both know why you're here."

Steve swallows heavily.

"Why don't you follow me, and I can help you figure it out," Eddie suggests innocently, but there's an edge of something in his voice.

"Okay," Steve answers weakly, completely forgetting how he got here.

Eddie smiles wickedly and grabs his hand, tugging him to the couch and guiding him to sit back. Steve's breath catches when Eddie leans over him and whispers, "Did you come here with anyone else?"

Slightly confused, Steve answers, "No?"

"Good," Eddie says as he straddles him and tilts Steve's head up in a way that has Steve nearly groaning. Eddie leans forward, breath ghosting over Steve's lips as he whispers, "And this is when I kill you."

Steve frowns as Eddie's hand lightly comes down to the top of his chest, clenched in a fist as if holding something. It takes him a few seconds before Steve finally gets what's happening and asks, "This was all a trap?"

"She's not a good character," Eddie states, still hovering mere inches away.

"I agree," Steve says and tilts his head slightly. "She should at least kiss them first. Give them what they want before they die."

"Won't they regret the last thing they ever did was kissing her?"

"Never," Steve states.

Eddie's chest rises and falls noticeably quicker than before. "Even after she betrays them?"

"Never," Steve insists, staring intently into Eddie's eyes, leaning ever so slightly closer.

Something between them breaks, and Eddie's hands fly into Steve's hair, tugging him close as Steve's lips meet his rushed and hungry. Eddie pushes back with the same passion, feeding on the tension that settled between them before.

Steve lingers in the kiss for as long as he can until Eddie pulls away and lightly hits his chest. "Regret it?" he pants against his mouth.

"Never," Steve answers honestly, moving forward to kiss him again.

Days later, when the seductress is reintroduced in the campaign, all the Hellfire guys shift uncomfortably in their seats and beg Eddie to never talk to them the same way he talks to Steve.

#steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #steddie drabble #steddie ficlet

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bewby · 2 years

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i just thought too much about things and now i'm sad and going insane and my head is explodinf and i feel like dying and i hope i get killed soon

#when i think about my mental health it just mskes me. really sad #and it's exhausting. it's so so so exhausting. and then it's also like What if i'm an in incurable evil beast and it's just like. okay #like can i pleaseeee have a waffle.#i know we're all humans and our experiences are nuanced we contain multitudes so shit isn't that simple. but when i say that about myself #i feel like i'm lying to myslff❤️ LMFAOOFYJDJKFKF like it's me making excuses for the fact rhat i'm just straight up doomed and unlovable #it's 3 am❤️ btw

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writingwithcolor · 9 months

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Avoiding the white savior of the kingdom

@ceo-of-angst asked:

Okay so I'm writing a fantasy series. There's two main kingdoms though there is a third but that one doesn't have to do anything with this ask. Both of them are likely as big as a continent each so there are different climates everywhere, therefore there's a lot of diversity even within one country. The issues mostly is between the two kingdoms nationality wise, as there's a war. The prince of one of the kingdoms kills his older brother to gain the throne. This is where the issue starts. They have a younger (half)sister who ends up leading a revolution bc of her brother's bad rule (famine, war, dictatorship and incantation or sentence to fight to the death in war to anyone who doesn't obbey the government etc), she's white, she's helped by my main cast who are all poc (one of them also from nobility) from the other kingdom and I don't want to accidently make it a white savior She's not my main character though if anything we only see into her pov bc of a difference between kingdoms in book 2. Most of the pov is on my main cast so I don't know how this could pay out.

Add diversity to the kingdom

There is a simple solution: don’t make one kingdom all-white or all-BIPOC. Add in diversity and mixed race. You seem to already be doing that, and it’s not an issue of race but rather tyranny. White saviorism is when only a white character can solve a problem for BIPOC and they’re seen as the hero. If it’s a team effort, where your protagonist is fallible but well-intentioned, you should be fine. -Jaya

Questions to ask yourself

This critique got levied at Tamora Pierce’s Trickster series, and it’s a pretty valid critique of the books—every time you have a white person as a figurehead of an otherwise-diverse movement, you’re going to start getting into why this white person, and why then?

It’s especially salient if you have the person come into an already-established rebellion movement. Is her involvement the thing that gets the privilege necessary to make the movement valid? What about her makes her the ideal top person in the organization?

Why is she white?

My first question is: why is she white? Is it related to colorism and classism? If yes, then why are you automatically making the leading group white if there’s so much diversity and so many other groups can trend extremely pale?

Why are the kingdoms so big?

My second question is: why are the kingdoms so big? It’s actually frighteningly hard to run a continent-sized country. If you’re attempting to make these single groups so big simply for ease of worldbuilding, and for diversity’s sake, know that a country does not have to be large to contain a multitude of groups. You are allowed to have political rivalry in a small area and still maintain diversity within it.

How much privilege is she willing to give up?

My third question is: how much privilege is she willing to give up? Is she trying to take the throne for herself, or is she trying to destroy all of the structures that gave her status in the first place? Because that question will determine how willing the PoC around her are going to be. Why would they support a ruler if they’ve been subjugated by that family, with no real promise she’s going to be any different once she gets in power?

On the flipside, why would she be willing to give up any of her privilege in the name of removing her brother from the throne, and what stops her from going off the deep end once she has the ability to control others?

It’s likely doable to make this situation read as less of a white saviour, but in order to do that you’ll likely need to wask yourself a lot of hard questions about your motives and the character arc you want to have with her.

People may see a white savior, regardless

And you’ll also have to ask yourself if you’ll be comfortable with never really being able to avoid some people calling this a white saviour plot. Even if you do “everything right” and follow every bit of advice you can, there’s always going to be some people who aren’t too thrilled that the person saving everyone is white.

So examine your motives, really nail down what you’re trying to show with this, and come to terms with not making everyone happy no matter what you do.

~Mod Lesya

#white savior #tropes #Fantasy #power dynamics #asks #writing advice

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bbunisre · 2 months

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19: GUILTY NOT BY TAEMIN (0.7k)

When you spot the ebony-haired boy sitting down at the back of the library, a smile comes to your face. A smile that comes up a little too naturally. Megumi hasn’t spotted you yet, deep into his homework. You walk over to the hidden table with a plastic bag containing snacks to accompany you during your study time together. You drag the chair out to get his attention.

Now, Megumi’s not known to be the most expressive but when he sees you but there’s a sparkle in his eye that you catch, “You’re here.”

“I’m here.” you confirm, “The line at the convenience store was super long.”

You unbox the multitudes of chips, chocolate and of course…

“Strawberry milk.”

You wish he’d smile like that for the rest of his existence. He looks completely different when he smiles, a certain charm exuding from it.

“Strawberry milk.” you confirm, passing him one.

Just like that, Megumi and you study together in the library, passing time together with little talking. Megumi would pipe up here and there to ask you a question about his homework that he very well knew the answer to but used it as an excuse to talk to you. You, knowing this fully, leaned in and helped with the explanation.

When the librarian kicks you out at six-thirty, you drive Megumi home.

With Tsumiki hot on both your radars, this is the only way you can hang out without her suspecting it.

“Will we tell her?” you eventually ask.

Megumi looks out the passenger window, “I…don’t know. We should as soon as possible. Do you think we should tell her?”

You shrug, “I’ve never dated my best friend’s brother before. However, I know Tsumiki would appreciate it if we tell her.”

“Let’s tell her now then.” Megumi turns to you.

Your breath catches in your throat, “You sure?”

“She should know.”

Pulling into the driveway, there’s a certain dread you feel. Megumi holds your hand as you walk towards the front door, “It’s okay.”

His words could be as reassuring as he wants them to be but he has to remember, he’s Tsumiki’s brother. She can forgive him the next day for his mistakes.

You’re her best friend.

A best friend’s betrayal is worse.

You don’t think you can live knowing you betrayed Tsumiki.

As the front door opens, you shake Megumi’s hand off.

He furrows his eyebrows at you, obviously confused.

“My two favourite people?” Tsumiki announces, a tone of questioning in her voice, “I thought you stayed back to study?”

“I did.” you answer, “Saw Megumi on the way out so I decided to give him a ride.”

“I see.” she nods, “What were you doing so late, Megs?”

Megumi stares at Tsumiki for a full second before answering, “I was also studying but you didn’t see me on��“

“Did you cook, Tsumi? The house smells so good.” you interrupt, walking inside past her.

Gojo waves his hand from the couch, “Y/N!”

“Gojo! Is that RuPaul?!”

“Yes! Come watch, come watch.” he invites you, looking back and stopping his gaze at Megumi, “Why are you so late?”

Megumi huffs hard, “Was studying. Y/N drove me home.”

If he was looking at you, you paid no mind, walking over to sit beside Gojo. You place your school bag beside you and turn to the TV but there’s an irritating gaze coming from your right.

At first you think it’s Megumi but when you twist your head, you find Gojo staring at you.

“Everything all good?”

Gojo nods, “Did you do a lot of studying today, Y/N?”

Tsumiki’s gone to the kitchen and Megumi’s gone upstairs for some reason.

“Yes?”

“Okay, Y/N.”

He says your name with a certain mischievousness.

“…what is it?”

“This is my favourite season by the way.” he dismisses, leaning back into the couch and pressing play on their high-definition flat-screen TV.

The whole time you’re over at their house, the smile continues to come back onto Gojo’s face when Tsumiki asks something or when you stand up to go get a snack or when Megumi walks past you.

By the end of the night, you come to a conclusion.

There has to be one and only reason why he’s acting like this.

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 4 months

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On The Hunt: You Broke and I Shattered

Summary- 3.9k Alpha Steve x Little One. You and Steve find where Ulysses is storing his stolen goods; vibranium from Wakanda. Scouting the building, you and Steve separate and Steve struggles with this lone wolf mentality.

Warnings- Steve being upset and lashing out about your relationship with Pan. Reader goes into her heat finally and confronts Steve during it.

A/N- Okay I know it's been a while, LONG WHILE since I have posted these two. Part of me is still apprehensive about your Steve feelings. Be mad and hate him if that is the vibe! I get it, honestly, I do. I can't help but love him as strongly as I always have because I love a broken character that I created. Thank you so much @yenzys-lucky-charm for walking through this and holding my hand with them. For always giving me reassurance to continue this story. You, my dear friend, are a saint for all you do behind the scenes. Dividers made by @firefly-graphics Enjoy, and if you did, please share and reblog. I also love hearing your thoughts and rants about them.

Chapter Seven / Masterlist

It smelled bad.

The Little Wolf’s nose wrinkled as she scouted the side of the large warehouse. You lost track of Steve after he shifted, the Alpha whisking his muzzle against the Little Wolf’s and then leapt away along the edge of the warehouse. As large as the Alpha was, he was easily able to meld into nothing when he didn’t want to be seen. A skill from many years of hunting.

The Little Wolf weaved through the large piles of garbage and pallets, using them to keep her hidden from the multitude of cameras outside of the building. The installers had attempted to keep them hidden, but your time working with T’Challa had taught you where to look.

The Little Wolf was also good at getting by unnoticed, the smaller stature and slinking nature could make her easily pass for a street dog that ran wild.

The scents assaulting her were so foul and strong. The heavy acidic scent of fear permeates the stone and steel walls, making the Little Wolf’s ears lay flat against her skull, her nose wrinkling in discomfort.

A scuffle of footsteps caught her attention, sending her into hiding with her radar-sharp ears swiveling towards the footsteps scuttling down the alleyway towards where you were hiding.

“The shipment’s ready, just need the boss's sign-off.” You heard the man say into a phone and the Little Wolf pricked her ears to catch the last of the conversation. “Yeah, Klaue is expected in a couple days.”

He is not here yet. You mentally sighed, frustrated that there would be a period of waiting around for you and Steve.

<But he will be here soon for us. The Alpha should be coming around any moment, maybe we can get inside.> She was quiet in her movements, easing away from the rambling man whose conversation turned elsewhere, giving them no more vital information. Catching sight of the unlatched door, the Little Wolf paused, glancing around to see that no one was nearby. <Should we wait?>

We could lose our chance. You urged her, unwilling to wait now that the opportunity of getting inside was just so available to you.

<The Alpha…> The Little Wolf hesitated, glancing back at the direction Steve should be coming around.

Will catch up. He can follow our trail and we might lose this entrance if that man comes back to lock this door. This is our chance to see the inside and be prepared for Ulysses.

She finally relented, using her muzzle to ease the door open further and sneak into the dark interior of the warehouse, a sliver of light the only source into the belly of the beast.

It was easy remaining out of sight on the main floor, various containers of weapons that all smelled tinged with vibranium littered haphazardly around and in the center of the building were cages, all emptied but you could see that they had been recently used. All providing cover even as a silent snarl flirted across Little One’s muzzle, anger simmering in your chest as well as sadness that you had been too late to save those souls from whomever they were sold too.

Flashes of your old life, the sales floor clouding your memories while you wandered between them. The fear and pain at being dragged in front of buyers, their hands running all over your naked body and the false promises of giving you a better life if you just bonded with them.

The vileness of it made the Little Wolf shiver and a soft barely there whine escape. <Never again.> She assured you, the fur along her back bristling in agitation.

Never again. You agreed with her, calming once more. You escaped, you had known love and safety with your pack and with Steve. Even now with you two separated, you knew Steve still wouldn’t ever allow anyone to use you like that again.

The Little Wolf eased closer, edging along the last line of containers holding vibranium and weapons, trying to map the building.

There was a huff nearby and you caught sight of silver fur rows back. Steve found us. The Little Wolf stopped, the tip of her tail wagging in a greeting but the Alpha stalked nearby, his eyes blazing furiously at the Little Wolf.

She lowered further, feeling the anger roll from him while he slid up next to her, pressing in against her for a moment just to feel her before he silently let his nose wander along the edge of the containers.

Loud shouts just out of sight called out directions to load pallets onto the truck, making you and the Alpha both freeze for a second. The Alpha turned away and returned to the Little Wolf’s side, rumbling enough so you felt the vibrations rising off him. Not an order from the Alpha but a suggestion that it was time to go.

You pulled back, leading the way out, and once back outside, no one the wiser, you both bolted away from the warehouse.

It had been a while since you had returned to the apartment, Steve had been silent most of the time, both of you sketching out the warehouse's interior and tensley comparing notes with one another. But you could feel the tension crackling between you and Steve. All his responses clipped in a tone that you were just not used to from him.

It was making your Little Wolf uneasy in your mind, pacing back and forth in a skittish way, making you feel like you were about to snap.

You finally pushed away the notes and sketches of the warehouse, making Steve’s gaze snap to you curiously. “What’s wrong Steve?”

His brows furrowed together and his mouth thinned with whatever he wanted to say being held back. “Nothing is wrong Y/N. We should contact T’Challa to let him know what we found.” He pulled away, going to grab his phone when you grabbed his forearm to keep him from avoiding the question. Steve stiffened, a shiver going through him and you saw his nostrils flare a bit, dragging in a breath of you.

“Stop the bullshit Steve, you’re pissed and I don’t know why.” Your Little Wolf yipped anxiously, making you tense up all that much more.

Clear blue eyes snapped, flaring slightly in a glowing color as the Alpha in him rose to challenge him before he turned to you with a slight bare of his teeth. “You didn’t wait for me Y/N. You charged into that warehouse alone.”

Your hand dropped from his arm and you immediately snapped back, if you had hackles, they would be raised at the tension finally breaking. “This is what you are pissed about Steve? I was doing the mission. I don’t need your permission to do that.” A snarl emitted from you, daring Steve to bite back. “Not anymore.”

He rose to the challenge, rounding onto you, his size a sheer force but you held tight, refusing to step back from him. “That’s right Little One, I gave you up and set you free from me.”

A warning growl escaped you as a bit of tears threatening to well up hearing him. “That you did.”

“You have no regard for your safety, we are supposed to be hunting together and you just go into that building without me and that wasn’t the plan, I don’t care that you went in, but I didn’t know where you were, I just happened to catch your scent in the open door. What if they found you and caught you, what if I couldn’t follow you in?” He pulled away with a yank of his hand through his hair.

You squared your shoulders, anger making your tone bite in your words. “It’s not your fucking job Steven to keep me safe. Why are you always trying to shield me?”

“Cause Little One! It still feels like you’re fucking mine, even now while we are unbonded all I feel…” His hand slapped against his chest, where you knew his heart pounded its rhythm.

“Well that sounds like your problem that you need to figure out. I’m not your Little One.” You tossed out, the pain searing into anger at the Alpha in front of you. “You ‘set me free’ which is utter bullshit, you don’t get to dictate how I work now.”

It was like whiplash, his brow wrinkling as his sadness seeped through before anger masked his features once again. “Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten. You remind me, you had moved on right… to him?”

You knew exactly who he was talking about and that made those tears finally fall, your hand lifting and slapping sharply across Steve’s face hard, enough that his head turned with the impact.

“How dare you, Steve, Pan was my friend when I was broken. My friend Steve, he was exactly who I needed when I was alone. You did this to us. You and that fucking drive to keep me safe. Newsflash Steve, my whole life I fought and I’m never going to stop. Now I’m doing it alone without you. You just thought of how you hurt me while being collared, it was NOTHING compared to what you did in that hospital room. I lost you that day and had to learn how to live without my mate because he didn’t want me anymore.”

“Fuck Y/N, I never said I didn’t want you.” Steve’s jaw clenched tightly, but the anger from his features was gone, disbelief crowning his features now. His hand reached out to draw you in, but you stepped away, unable to handle the contact.

“You broke me that day Steve and now you don’t like this version I turned into? You have no right to be mad about that.” Your voice cracked, a shiver wracking up your body while the Little Wolf started singing in the back of your mind, her own pain breaking in the song. “I survived being used, I survived beatings in attempts to make me submissive, I survived other Alpha’s scarring me with their bites, I survived all the times they tried purposely to break me into bowing for them and being this meek little pup. But you, Steve I barely survived you.”

You let out a breath, feeling your chest lighten as Steve stood before you like he was at a loss for words for a moment. Before you would let him say anything, you turned away to your room and let the door shut him out. Exhaustion hit you like a ton of bricks and as you crawled into your bed to sink into that dark place you yet again were hovering in, your Little Wolf crooning to you, you curled into a ball in your bed and let yourself go.

Steve sat on the edge of the uncomfortable bed in the apartment. It had been hours since you just dropped it all on him, which he knew but hearing it come from you, how your voice became so vulnerable like you were laid open and left to pick up the pieces. To top it off, he knew he was an utter asshole for what he said to you, wishing he could take it back. But it was out there now and he knew he couldn’t take back what he said in a moment of frustration.

There was no way to take any of the last year back, he knew he acted on instinct back then and he was wrong. All of it was wrong, but he had to live with his actions. Actions had consequences and all he could do now was live with those choices, and give you that freedom. You were right, he couldn’t be mad at what you turned into because he was a part of it all. Something in him shattered that day, hard broken shards that fed all his fears and he was still struggling to not give in to them.

It still didn’t make it easier for him, or the Alpha. The Alpha was furious with him once more. A snarling beast who lashed out to make Steve wince at the rage. But he felt he deserved it, he took each one without a snap back.

To top the whole fuck up of a day there was a soft wail through the wall of disbelief and it hit every one of Steve’s senses.

Your heat finally arrived and right now you two were stuck together, with no way to give one another space during this vulnerable intimate time.

And it was almost torture to Steve as his muscles cramped with restraint, resisting the urge to go to you.

The Wolf simmered somewhere, Steve sensed him close, but he was still staying away from the conscious side. Your scent was heavy with need and that made a ping of guilt well up in him that your heat was going to be worse for you because he was there.

If you were back in Wakanda he would slip away, leave you in peace to choose the partner you would want to help you through this. But not in the middle of a mission like this.

<Coward> The Wolf snarled at him, his ears laid flat against his skull and showing his fangs with a snap of his jaw, jolting Steve back to his awareness of his beast. <You would run away instead of staying to take care of her.>

His head hung from his shoulders, gritting his eyes and clenching his jaw as his own beast tried to take over, howling your song to call for you. His rut was going to be rough, more of his wolfish side coming through, the overbearing need to fuck and take care of his mate would be a whole other torture.

“Fuck off.” He snarled loudly, aiming at the Alpha but your soft voice cut through his snarl, making his head snap up, his hair disheveled and eyes flashing a brighter color as his nose tilted up to catch your warm honeysuckle scent.

“Steve.” Your voice was soft in tone and loud in every other way as it broke his inner battle, your hands clutching at a blanket around you, miserable looking. “She won’t stop…”

Steve guessed, as much as his wolf was trying to take over, the Little Wolf would be too. You were so distressed-looking, shaking in the blanket even though it wasn’t cold. He straightened up, holding out a hand to you. “Come here Y/N.” He growled, unable to contain more of the Wolf coming through.

It was all it took, the blanket fell from around you, your body to sensitive for anything on you, as you streaked to Steve, his arms circling around your waist and made you straddle his lap. Getting as close as you could be without pinning you underneath him in the bed. His clothes felt so constricting as you settled in close, tears starting to race down your cheeks while your hands slid up his chest, pulling his shirt over his head so you could get skin to skin, which he was thankful for. “I tried Alpha, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” You leaned into him, your breasts pressing against his chest as your face tucked into his neck, hiding away.

“For what Y/N?” he let his nose press against the back of your neck, inhaling deeply. That alone made the wolf ease back, and let him regain control. Heavy calloused hands went up and down your back as you started sobbing in his neck, your thighs squeezing against him as you rocked your hips slightly to rub against him.

“For being here with you.” You pushed against him and stared at him with sorrow and pain that Steve couldn’t stop the kisses he flushed over your eyes as more of your tears escaped, tears that he caused. Salty on his lips as they escaped into his beard. His gentleness at the moment, although both of your bodies were screaming to mate with one another, seemed to break you.

“I’m so mad at you for doing this to me.” You dug your nails into his shoulders, rocking again as he matched your movement, pushing up to give you some relief in your grinding. “I did what you said, I left you alone and you followed me here. I couldn’t escape you with the pack and I still can’t Steve. Why do you make this impossible for me?” You hissed as your mouth sought his, while his kiss stayed gentle, you bit at him, gasping against him as your nails clawed into the muscles of his back. “You left me Steve and it broke me more than anything else that has happened.” If this was your punishment, Steve would take it. Every sharp claw and hissing bite you lashed at him.

Steve clenched his jaw, unwilling to defend himself and his choices. He did this to you and it was the least he could do was listen. Instead, he pressed you in closer to him, touching you in all the ways he knew made you feel safe and cared for, his lips pressing against yours while you broke because of him. Your pain you lashed onto his back with your nails sharply dragging up to grasp his shoulder and rock yourself in against him once again, he welcomed the pain as he would any of your touches.

You shook in his hold, pushing away from him enough to look at him, your anger melding into sheer pain. “Was I too weak to be an Alpha’s mate, your mate? Do you regret taking a broken and used Omega? I need to know Steve.”

This he couldn’t stand, not from you of all people. With a sweep of his hold, he twisted you to the bed, on your back while he hovered over you with a bare of his teeth at you, all the long hair falling forward around his face, making Steve look wild above you. Your hands went to cup his face, studying the man you and your little wolf still fiercely loved, your fingers pushing up to weave into his hair. “Is that what you actually believe Little One?” Steve’s tone was graveled, a mix of his voice and the Alpha growling at the same time. “Do you?” He said sharper, making you roll your body up into his solid one, giving a nod when you couldn't say anything.

His hands caught your wrists and let his nose trace the inside on each one, you went pliant against him finally and he let his whirlwind of emotions settle. He had you and wasn’t planning on letting you go till you knew in your soul that he never would have left you because of those reasons.

Your hands were pinned swiftly, slamming them into the pillows scattered around his bed. “Little One.” He growled when his lips descended to the soft warmth of your neck column. Kissing behind your ear with much more gentleness than how his hand caged yours over your head. “You really don’t know do you, how much power you have.” His growls were edging on violent, wracking through your body while his touch remained loving, each glide of his hand tracing your side passionate while the other encircled your wrists above your head with controlled strength, the flick of his tongue gliding on your skin and light pressure of sharpened fangs all affection in worshipping you. “How I would do anything for you. You think me walking away didn’t destroy my sanity, made the beast try to claw from his cage?”

You whined under Steve, your heat simmering on unbearable but his words were making you want to scream. All this time he felt this way and he still managed to walk away, leaving you shattered, your fingers curled, digging into his palm keeping you pinned down. He hissed at the pain but never loosened or pulled away from you. “You still did it, you claim to protect me from you.”

Steve rose above you, his touch on your waist going to your face, turning your head till you couldn't look away from him. So much filled his gaze locking with yours and your unshed tears of anger, frustration, and pain were mirrored in his. “Because I am weak, scared, and broken. All I could see in that moment was you dead at my feet, that I had destroyed my mate, half of my soul. Alpha’s might seem powerful, but actually, we are empty without our other halves, made to serve our packs but never finding anything beyond that. That day I almost killed mine and I was powerless to stop it." His throat bobbed, swallowing past the emotion that almost seemed to overtake him. "I made a mistake and I see that now Little One, I let fear control me, and look what it did to us. I can’t take it back and will always live with what I did. You are right, I can’t be mad about who you are now because of it, you became stronger. You don’t need me, not really. You, my mate, you have all the power. Fuck, that day I was breaking down thinking I was powerless to control myself...” His shoulders sagged like admitting this out loud to you took everything out of him. “I should have talked to you about what I was going through instead of running.”

You eased up the grasp of your fingers digging into his palm, allowing yourself to soften slightly under him. Pulling a hand from his hold, your touch drifted up, sliding around the curve of his neck while you silently counted every little ragged scar circling his throat. Every little barb that dug into him and controlled him. This shattered your Alpha and he was struggling to be better. "I see you Steve." You whispered up at him while letting your thumb wipe under his eyes, clearing away the moisture welling up in those sharp blue eyes.

He reached up to take your palm, curling it against his jaw while he tilted into it, pressing his lips to the center. "I see you too Y/N, I'm so sorry I pushed you away."

Your Little Wolf called out his song again while his eyes scanned over your face, feeling the change in you. Your legs wrapped around his waist, holding him closer. “I could throttle you.” You chirped with a crack in your voice and Steve gave a soft sad chuckle as his head dropped to lean his forehead against yours, giving a little sniffle.

“I know I deserve it.”

“And what do you want now Steve?” You asked softly, almost a whisper between you two.

The Alpha was silent, his inhales drawing you in to smother all his other senses, if he could drown in you, he would so happily. “A chance for us, to be the Alpha and your mate you deserve from me.” He pulled away to catch your eyes, such a sharp blue with tinges of yellow melding to give hints of green, the Alpha bleeding through, showing while Steve gave you the answers you sought. “To give you all of me, even the broken parts that need fixing Little One.”

“If I said I need you to talk to me Steve, you need to let me in instead of just trying to keep me safe from the world.” Your hand twisted in his hold, sliding your fingers through his above your head. “That you won’t shut me out because you are trying to keep me safe.”

“I will spend my life showing you I can be your partner.” This next kiss was gentle, a brush of his lips to yours as you pulled him back into your hold, his heavy weight on you making you finally feel like you were where you belonged. “And I will wait, as long as you need to be ready for us again, if that is what you want.”

Ready to be us again… You repeated to yourself, letting his words really take hold. The Little Wolf was a calming presence now, the heat sated enough in just this rebonding moment for you two. You pushed up your hips enough to push against Steve and he instinctively released his hold on you to fall back and take you with him, letting you straddle him while he laid underneath you now, his hands caressing down till they settled on your waist, content to let you decide what you wanted from him next. “I missed you, Steve, we missed you.”

Your touch slipped up his chest while you moved to settle in against him, ease relaxing through you as his arms slipped around you, hugging you to lay against him and nothing more in the moment. You let your cheek lay against his chest, your head tucked under his bristled chin. You could feel his words as he spoke them out loud. “We were wanderers without our home Little One, we missed you too.”

#on the hunt #alpha steve and little one #alpha steve x little one #alpha steve x reader #alpha steve x you #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers and you #steve rogers and reader #the pack #welcome to the pack #its been ages since they have had a new chapter #sorry everyone for the wait #those of you still following this long story #hahaha

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forever-rogue · 1 year

Text

Soon

AN | Here is one of the many ideas that I’ve had for Cal! Or - Cal Kestis visits you and holds the promise of a future together…finally 🥺 This contains no major spoilers for Survivor!

Warnings | None

Pairing | Cal Kestis x Fem!Reader

Word Count | 3k

Masterlist | SW Characters, Main

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You knew it was him from the moment you noticed the figure in the distance coming closer. There was a trademark swagger to his walk and his lithe silhouette gave him away every time. No matter how much you tried to suppress the excitement in your chest, it never seemed to work. Not when it came to him.

"Hello Cal Kestis," he stopped right in front of you, a roguish smile on his face. His hair was longer now, and he hadn't shaved in a bit and…he was sporting a black eye, a busted lip, and cuts all over his face. A sigh escaped your lips softly, "Cal."

"It's okay," he insisted softly, his hand instinctively went to your face as he brushed his knuckles across your cheek, "you should see the other guy."

"Cal."

"I know," he knew. Knew that nothing else but him mattered to you, "its nothing."

"You're going to give your daughter nightmares if she sees you like this," you leaned into his touch, "let me take care of you."

"I didn't come here for that," he whispered softly, a sheepish expression on his face. Despite everything he went through, he always managed to keep his boyish charm.

"I know," you promised, "but I also happen to be fond of you. Come on - she's still at daycare."

You reached for his hand and pulled him into the small house, mind already buzzing with the multitude of questions you had for him. It had been a while since you'd last seen him. Over a year.

You set him down on the edge of the tub in the 'fresher as you glanced through medical supplies you had. You'd kept way more on hand since you'd met him a few years ago. They came in handy.

"Do I want to know what happened?" You gently dabbed at his lip, wiping away the dried blood before tending to the scratches on his cheek.

"Probably not," he admitted softly, earning a quick nod from you. You grabbed some bacta gel and spread it around the dark bruising around his eye, "the last job didn't go so well."

You paused at the mention of his job. You knew what he did, more or less, but he never really went into details. For your sake and his.

"I'm glad you're okay," you looked up at him with wide eyes and he nodded softly, "please be careful."

"I am…" he caught your eye for a moment, watching as you raised your brows at him, "I will be."

"Promise me, Cal Kestis," you kneeled down so you were almost eye to eye with him, having to look up slightly, "please."

"I swear,” and he meant it. For himself, for you, and the daughter you shared.

You looked at him for a long moment. He'd become more hardened since you'd met him. But the boy you'd fallen in love with was still underneath it all. He didn't even know you loved him - at least you didn’t think he did. And you were almost positive that he didn’t feel that way about you.

You’d met by chance, became friends, and after a drunken one-night hookup ending up sharing a daughter. But that didn’t mean you didn’t love him; you did and you just wanted him safe and sound.

“Okay,” you leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek before standing back up. He followed suit and you noticed the flush of pink on his face. You tried to ignore the butterflies as you trailed your fingers along his scruffy jaw, “this is new.”

“You hate it,” he teased, smiling at you in the crooked way that you adored.

“I like it actually,” you smirked at him, “suits you. Now c’mon, let’s grab some lunch and then we can get Tansy. And you can tell me all about your adventures.”

“Sounds good,” he agreed softly, “missed you both.”

Your heart skipped a few beats before you made a small sound in response. He was really making this whole only friends thing way too hard.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Tell me then,” you watched your favorite ginger jedi from across the table, relaxed at being in his presence again. You were sure that he could feel it, “what has been keeping you so occupied lately?”

“I…” he paused for a moment, looking around surreptitiously before leaning closer to you. You mirrored his action and motioned for him to go on, “I know I should have been back sooner.”

“Cal…”

“It’s not fair to Tansy for me to be gone so long,” he sighed lightly and you gave his hand a small squeeze, “or you-”

“Well, we didn’t exactly plan on…you know. Having a kid,” it definitely hadn’t been part of any plan you’d ever had. But still, he handled it beautifully and did his best to take care of both of you in his own way. After your daughter had been born, you’d been tempted to ask him to stay, to try and be a proper family, but you knew that wasn’t in his cards. You’d always known that - there was no way you’d keep Cal Kestis from fulfilling his destiny.

“No,” you might have been right, but he wouldn’t have changed a thing, “listen, I know this is going to sound crazy, and it probably is, but I think I…something’s happened.”

“Crazy? From you, jedi?” you whispered the last part, and brought a smile to his face, “tell me.”

“I went to Koboh to look for Greez for help with the Mantis after…a job on Coruscant that went wrong,” your heart constricted at the mere thought of something happening to him, “one thing led to another but basically we found out about this planet called Tanalorr.”

“Tanalorr. I’ve never heard of that…”

“Almost no one has,” his eyes practically glittered with excitement, “a jedi master found it hundreds of years ago and tried to…hide it basically. Keep it safe and untouched. If we find it, and assuming all of it’s true, it could be a place untouched by the Empire, and raiders, and anyone else. It could be a new home…we could be safe there.”

Your brow furrowed as you tried to process everything that he was saying. It all sounded so good and wonderful and the idea that there was a safe place somewhere in the galaxy made your heart yearn for the future. A future you could maybe share with Cal and your daughter as a family.

“Cal,” you sighed softly and noticed the way his face fell, “that sounds…amazing - truly. I know the jedi were - are - capable of amazing things. But this…it sounds like a tale told to keep children entertained.”

“It’s real,” he insisted, “I know it is. I’ve seen proof. I know it’s out there..I-I just have to find it. Then we could-”

“Wait, Cal, stop for a moment,” your face was a mask of worry despite your ebay efforts to keep it neutral, “you’re not seriously thinking about this, are you? This is crazy-”

“It’s a risk that could be worth everything,” he took your hand in both of his hands and held onto it tightly, “we wouldn’t have to worry about anything. We’d be safe.”

“If you don’t die trying to get there,” you whispered, “or what if you get there and it’s something completely different? I don’t…I can’t lose you, Cal.”

“There’s risk involved with everything - even you being here,” he closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, “but it’s a risk I have to take. I promise-”

“She’s like you,” you blurted out and caused Cal’s eyes to snap open and watch you closely. You pulled your hand away and swallowed the lump that had welled up in your throat, “Tansy…I think she’s like you. Sensitive.”

Oh. Oh. He knew, he’d always know that there was a high likelihood that his daughter would end up like him. Force sensitive. Back before the end of the Order, she would have likely already have been on her way to Jedi Temple on Coruscant. But now all it did was serve to put a giant target on her. A rush of pride and excitement flowed through him - along with a bundle of nerves settling into his stomach.

“How do you…know?”

“I’ve noticed her doing some things that a normal kid definitely couldn’t do,” you whispered, “you’ll have to tell me for me but…I think I’m right. Cal…this is really exciting but-”

“I’m scared,” he finished for you and you nodded lightly, “I will never do anything to put either of you in danger. I’ll keep you, both of you safe. I promise.”

“But how can I keep you safe?” your voice cracked slightly as you looked at him with concern. His expression was soft as you turned your head and wiped away the tears that had rolled down your cheeks, “Cal, I l-”

“Daddy!”

Tansy tore away from her babysitter, breaking into as much of a run as was possible for her little legs. You shook your head fondly before giving an apologetic expression to the twi'lek that cared for her.

"Tan Tan!" Cal dropped to a crouch so he could scoop her into his arms, embracing her tightly. The resemblance between the two of them was uncanny; she'd inherited his red hair and green eyes and already had his sense of adventure. The two of them were nothing but trouble together already, "I've missed you so much."

"Missed you too," despite the fact that he wasn't around all the time - he tried as best as he could to be there for her - you were happy that they shared such a close bond. She adored him as he did her, "are you staying?"

"Yes," he promised, peppering her chubby cheeks with kisses, "if that's okay with Mommy."

You caught for a moment, trying to hide the exasperated look on your face. Of course you wanted him to stay, but you also weren't finished with your previous conversation, "yes, of course. You're always welcome, Cal."

"Yay," Tansy wrapped her little arms around his neck and clung onto him like a koala, "I can show you my new toys!"

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"I think she's finally asleep," Cal quietly padded out of Tansy's room and made his way back over to you. You were in the living room, nursing a mug of tea and absentmindedly reading a holobook. He sat down next to you, tense for a moment as he anticipated your reaction, "she's got so much energy."

"She takes after you in so many ways," you put the book and turned to him with a soft smile. Cal mirrored it before, reaching over and gently tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. He’d been with you for a couple of weeks now, and you yearned for him to stay and make this your everyday reality. It would have been so easy…

"What are you thinking about?" His voice was barely above a whisper. One of the things you loved - and sometimes hated - about him was that he'd always been able to read you so easily.

"I wish you were here more often," you hated how small and pathetic your voice sounded as you shrugged your shoulders lightly, "not for my sake but hers. But it'd be nice knowing you are safe too."

The jedi paused for a long moment, the air thick with so many unsaid things. He allowed himself to catch a glimpse of your expression before sitting back and exhaling softly, "I love you, you know."

"Cal, you don't just have to say-"

"I'm not," he insisted firmly and your eyes widened in surprise, "you know I'd never lie to you or say anything I didn't mean. And I'm not just saying it because of Tansy. I mean it - I've always meant it."

"Oh. Oh," maker. Cal just said what you had wanted to say for so long but couldn't bring yourself to admit. Which meant he felt the same. He felt the same way. But there was still a put in your stomach, "why did you leave?"

He paused, his lips pulling into a thin line, "you knew I couldn't stay. Especially after you got pregnant. It wasn't safe for me to be here all the time. I just wanted you both safe."

"I know," and you had. Cal did everything with purpose…he wasn't the kind of man to anything without some consideration, "I know. But I still wish you were here more. And I feel so selfish for even thinking that."

"It's not selfish," he whispered, brushing his knuckles across your cheek, "I wish you were with me too. I think about every day, you know."

You managed a small, teary eyed little smile. He reached into the collar of his shirt and pulled out the chain that was nestled safely against his chest. A small gasp escaped your lips when you realized it was your necklace. The very same one you'd given him the first time he'd left you a few months after the two of you had met. You'd found out you were pregnant a few weeks later.

"You still have it," you traced your finger along the soft golden chain, causing his heart to skip a few beats from your tender touch, "after all this time."

"I've never taken it off," he put his hand on top of yours and lightly squeezed it, "sometimes I feel like this is the only thing that's kept me alive."

"I love you," your declaration was so quiet that Cal almost wasn't sure if he'd heard you correctly. Judging from the nervous look on your face, he was pretty sure you'd said that. You bit the inside of your cheek for a moment, "I just wanted you to know too."

"C'mere," his hands found your face and you had to work to keep a wistful sigh from escaping. You leaned in and before you could even think about it, he was kissing you. Softly and gently, but with everything he had to give. You didn't pull away from him until you were dizzied and breathless. He pressed his forehead against yours, smiling softly, "one day, I'll get to do this every day."

"Every day?"

"Yes," it was a promise, resolute and firm, "I just need a little more time. I want to follow this lead and find Tanalorr."

"Cal-"

"I'll be careful," the reassurance didn't ease your worry, "if it's safe and actually is what it'd supposed to be, I'll come for both of you and we can make a new home."

"And if it's not?"

"I'll find us somewhere safe," he trailed his fingers softly along your jaw, "I promise."

"Okay," you didn't want to agree but you also knew there was no way to talk Cal out of something when he was set in his ways. You fisted the front of his shirt in your hand and blink away the fresh tears, "promise me one more thing?"

"Anything," he brushed your tears away and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"Come back to us," his eyes softened as you silently pleaded for him, the force, the universe or whatever was out there, go make it come true, "please come back to us safely. I can't…I don't want anything to happen to you."

"I'll always come back to you," in your heart you knew he meant it, "and Tansy. I just need a little bit of time."

"Okay," you exhaled shakily, "okay. When were you thinking about leaving?"

"Now - tonight," that was enough to crush your spirit, "the sooner I'm gone, the sooner I'm back. And I…I think it might be easier if I'm gone tonight rather than leaving when she's awake."

"I hate that you're right," you huffed with laughter, but there was no amusement behind the sound, "come back soon?"

"As soon as I can," he wrapped you up in a tight hug, pulling as tightly against his chest as possible. You hugged him back just as fiercely, wishing you'd never have to let him go. He kissed the side of your head as you buried your face in his chest, "soon."

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"This is always the worst part," you stood on your doorstep in the middle of the night, bidding your goodbyes to Cal. Again. At least this time you knew it wouldn't be too long, "watching you go."

"Yeah," he cast a forlorn look towards the window of his daughter's room. His heart ached already, "its hard for me too. But this is the last time we'll have to be apart."

"Swear on it, Cal Kestis," you held out your pinkie and he couldn't help the laugh that reached your ears. He hooked his pinkie around yours and squeezed lightly, "or I'll find you and make you regret it."

"Swear," he brought your hand to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to your palm, "I wouldn't put anything past you."

"Good," your heart fluttered at his kiss and you leaned in and pressed another to his lips, "see you soon."

"Soon," he agreed, kissing you a few more times, "I love you."

"I love you, Cal Kestis," you touched his cheek before whispering, "may the force be with you."

"And with you," he took one last look at you before taking a step back, "oh - you were right, you know. About Tansy."

"Oh," you looked at him with a wondrous expression, "oh?"

"We'll talk about it next time," he offered you a cheeky wink as you beamed at him, "just be happy with the knowledge that you were right."

"Like always," you held up a hand in a small, sad little wave, "goodbye, Cal."

"Not goodbye - see you soon, sweetheart."

#cal kestis #cal kestis x you #cal kestis x reader #cal kestis x fem!reader #cal kestis imagine #cal kestis one shot #cameron monaghan #jedi: fallen order #jedi: survivor #star wars

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inkskinned · 2 years

Text

i. my brother calls for the 3rd time today. nobody i know has been sleeping well. we are all worried about prion disease. he and i discuss the book we've been reading. when we were kids, he and i used to spend hours playing video games - but i can't do that anymore. it gives me anxiety.

ii. so i make a joke that god accidentally siphoned me into a slurpie. he spat me back out onto the pavement, so i could glisten under the sun in a pink froth. something about a life ruined next to an oil slick. i think if you were born in the 90's you deserve financial compensation. other kids don't understand: it really was a different world we grew up in.

iii. i am ever-more convinced that when you raise children on an endless supply of the apocalypse, the only next step for them is to turn and swallow the sun.

vi. i think there is a way to be brave like a rabid dog. i think there is a way to be brave like shark teeth. like gun-goes-off. i think there is a way to take the mistake and shove it into a gift box and say - it's mine, so it's home. and if it's not home, fine. i'll make it something.

v. okay. okay. stand up for a second. no, i haven't slept either. we're not gonna get any sleep tonight neither.

vi. don't you get it? he calls me and talks about the book because we read books together instead now. don't you get it? i wanted to be a spilled drink so i could be sweet & messy. don't you get it? i am going to coat the throat of every person who is singing. i am going to rush out over this world like lighting. i am here because of the things that could-not-kill me, because of the things i wouldn't let touch me.

vii. don't you get it? jack london says i'd rather be ashes than dust. i am sinking my teeth into a life like a fire. no one from this generation is doing fine. but we are here and it's sometimes half-hearted but. i think love made a jump somewhere in there and twisted her ankle and since then we're all just-about-to-get-up. since then we've been dragging our run.

viii. so get up. be alive like a coke can bursting. be alive like a cracked sundial. like sword on the back. be alive like the multitudes you contain are all talking, are all humming, are about to start unionizing. be alive in the way your parents would hate, alive like a bruise. alive like a stain.

ix. where there isn't a bed, find rest anyway. where there isn't time to be okay, do well-enough. god left you as a spaghetti noodle on the other side of wasteland. all raw-skin and panting. you had to go out and hunt down peace until you could clasp it in your bare hands, shiny and buzzing. you made good and kind out of your own temperance and bone. you shaped it from red mud and the heads of barbie dolls. you found a way through the gristle. you found a way home.

x. little grinch child, scarab beetle, precious thing. tell the always-ending world: that which you give me. i keep surviving.

#spilled ink #warm up #totally normal friday stuff #cut lines:#read the book #call your sibling.#find a new way to the heart #force open a passageway.#text her with shaking hands like you're a teenager.

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ggidolsmuts · 1 year

Text

Fromis App Part 13: (F)App Developer - Fromis_9 Nagyung

"Nagyung, you wanted me to come here? Where's Saerom?" She's sitting at the CEO's desk, typing away on her laptop.

"Oh, over here!" Nagyung waves lively at you, bouncing in the chair. "We have a job to do!"

"We do? Where's Saerom?"

"She's on a business trip, and yes, we have to work." You find yourself nodding before something strikes you.

"Nagyung, what exactly do you do here?"

"I'm Assistant CEO, or Assistant to the CEO, and I'm the app developer."

"How can you be an assistant and the app developer?"

"I help Saerom when she needs it, and when she doesn't need it, I develop the app."

"What do you help Saerom with?" Nagyung hems and haws, suddenly looking flustered.

"I perform various functions in a variety of situations," she manages to say formally.

"That told me nothing, what do you do?"

"A-a multitude of things, you know, many of them, a cornucopia of errands—" Nagyung waves her hands around vaguely.

"Sure, I'll take your word for it. And the rest of the app team does it when you're busy?"

"Team? What team?"

"The development team, for the app? Who do you discuss stuff with?"

"My rubber duck! There is no team, I am the app developer."

"Like, the only app developer? Is that why it's so slow, why there's so few people on the app? You need to scale!"

"Yah! It takes time you know? To come up with ideas to implement, and I have so many other ideas, so it takes time to get around to the Fromis App!"

"Fine, what do you need me to do then?"

"Oh, be my code peer and watch me as I code, that's what Saerom would do."

"Really? Saerom reviews your code?"

"Yeah, that's how I got the position in the first place!"

"How did you get the position in the first place?" you ask, incredulous.

"Oh, it was between me and Chaeng, wasn't really close though, Chaeng's code looked like she wrote it with her feet. She said my code looked like I just sat on the keyboard, but Saerom agreed with me in the end and made me the developer."

"That explains so much..." you mutter under your breath. "Never mind, sure, I'll watch, what are you doing today?"

"Just running some unit tests? I finished up a feature that lets one more person onto the platform, just needs to pass the tests and off to production it goes." Shiftily Nagyung looks around, peering outside the office to see if anyone's watching. She presses a button and the glass walls turn opaque. "And let's have some fun, I finally get you to myself."

"Work hard, play hard hmm?"

"Yup!" Nagyung beckons you over to Saerom's chair, and you sit down before she gets in your lap, spreading her legs as she pulls the two of you towards the desk. She's trapped between you and the desk, and your hands find their way around her midriff. "I can feel your python extending already!" She grinds herself on top of you, and you groan as she gives you an impromptu lapdance. Cheekily she kisses your jaw, "I can't wait to import your package into me."

"Nerdy dirty talk? That's a first." Your hands unbutton her tight pants and pull the zipper down.

"You like it? I can't wait for you to overflow my container, maybe we can init a baby together... Like my code, my body has no exception handling, it's so unsafe." You promptly button her pants again.

"Okay that is more worrying than sexy, your code has no exception handling?"

"That's what you got out of it?"

"When you still have work to do, yes."

"Let's just play first, then work later?" Nagyung pouts, pulling your hands back to her pants.

"How about a little bit of both, how many tests do you have?"

"Fifteen, I think."

"Okay, for every test you pass, I'll pleasure you for 4 seconds, for every test you fail, you have to pleasure me for 4 seconds, deal?"

"And if they all pass?"

"Then we can have fun."

"Okay!" You idly fondle Nagyung as she starts typing, but you don't play too hard with her, making sure she can still do her work. "And done!" The two of you watch with bated breath as the tests run—7 failed and 8 passed. "What now?"

You're back to unbuttoning her pants, sliding them down a little. "I'll pleasure you first, then you pleasure me." Nagyung tries to work on your jeans blind, and you help her out by pushing them down a little.

"Or we pleasure each other at the same time." Her hands slip under your boxers as yours slip under her panties, and the two of you play with each other, stroking and rubbing all over. You gently part her lips, running your fingers along her labia and collecting her wetness. Nagyung shudders and moans as you bring a thumb to her clit. She pays back in kind, a hand stroking your shaft before running a finger over your tip, gently teasing the underside of your head. You hiss and grab her arm, forcing her to stop.

"I owe you 4 more seconds." You make the 4 seconds of pleasure feel like 40 as you frig her intensely, and Nagyung cries out loud as she rushes towards her climax.

"Fuck, oh fuck! No!" she whimpers as you pull away at the last second, leaving her keeled over the laptop without satisfaction. Your fingers draw circles over her abdomen, leaving her wanting more.

"Keep working."

Nagyung whines, but her hands reach for the keyboard again. Her head is still fuzzy from the near-climax, and her fixes are sloppy, causing the program to error out and all the tests to be skipped. She owes you a minute of pleasure.

"What, no!"

"That counts, none of the tests passed."

"They never even ran!"

"Because of your fault! One minute of pleasure please." Nagyung pouts, but she starts rubbing you again, stroking you with a firm grip. You feel her all over for the minute, your hands snaking under her top, cupping her perky breasts, rubbing her tummy—you touch her everywhere but between her legs.

"Enough, back to coding." You briefly brush her slit, and Nagyung shudders before reluctantly going back to the keyboard. You're content to continue roaming her body with your hands as she taps on the laptop.

That is, until you see her commit a cardinal sin. You grab her arms and pull them away from the keyboard, and she's pinned between you and the desk as you lean forward to whisper in her ear.

"Nagyung, did you do what I think you just did?"

"N-No? What do you mean?"

"Did you just comment out some of the tests?" Nagyung tries to hit Ctrl-Z and undo her work, but you stop her, and her handiwork is clear as day. "That is very very bad Nagyung."

"B-But I can't figure out how to fix it right now!"

"You still shouldn't do that, on your knees." Nagyung slides off you, and as she turns to face you it is clear what her punishment is. She reaches for your shaft as your hands go to her head. Firmly you push your tip past her lips, and her tongue welcomes you with licks and flicks.

"Mmm!" Nagyung squeezes your thighs as you get deeper into her, and you slow down but keep pushing.

"You can take it, keep going." Your cock looks extra big in Nagyung's mouth, and she pants as you put more of yourself into her. She coats your shaft with saliva, and it starts leaking out the sides of her mouth. Your fingers tighten their grip on her hair. "Okay?"

Nagyung looks up at you and hums assent. "Hmm hmm!" You start moving her head back and forth while lightly thrusting yourself.

"Touch yourself!" Nagyung's hand disappear from your thighs, and her arm starts moving quickly, jilling herself while she looks up at you. You start pumping yourself faster, and Nagyung's moans are interrupted by your thrusts.

"Mmm, mmghk! Guhhlk! Haghkk..." The resulting sounds are obscene, gagging sounds mixed with pleasured moans as you go faster than she's used to. But she doesn't tap out, so you keep going, and you fingers twist in her hair and you hold her there. Your grunts are the only sound in Saerom's office as you manually put Nagyung on mute, dumping your load into her mouth and down her throat.

"Mmm fuck!" you groan with a relish as you pull out of Nagyung's mouth. Nagyung continues touching herself, her arms working overtime even as you pull her up to her feet. She whines, but you make her sit back in your lap.

"Can I cum?"

"Are you going to comment out unit tests in the future?"

"No I won't! Please?"

"Maybe you'll program properly with your head clear, fine." You brush Nagyung's hand aside and plunge your own fingers into her. Nagyung squeals at your larger fingers inside her, and all it takes is a few rapid schlicks before she twitching in your lap, coating your digits in her juices. She goes limp externally, but internally she is overclocked, spasming and contracting around you rapidly.

"Ah! Damn..." Nagyung sighs as she comes down, content. "That was good."

"Ready to get back to work?"

"Do I have to? Can't you just bend me over the desk?"

"I think Saerom would not be happy that work wasn't done, besides I need a bit of time."

"Fine." You take Nagyung's hand and suck her fingers clean.

"There, now you can use the keyboard again." You lower your voice to a whisper, "And once you're done I'm going to eat you up."

With the promise of more and post-orgasm clarity Nagyung is extra motivated to finish, and her head is clear as she quickly fixes her prior mistakes. Soon, more tests start to pass—4, then 3, then 2 failures. You spend more and more time bringing her close to her next orgasm, and she has enough time to get you hard again.

"Okay, hopefully this fixes everything." Nagyung takes a deep breath and runs the tests. She squeals when it comes out all green. "Yay, commit and push!" She types a random sequence of letters as the commit message and pushes it.

"Wait, what about a pull request? QA testing?"

"Don't care, I'm the only developer! We're done!" You close the laptop and shove it to the side.

"No, you're done." You push Nagyung off you and stand up. Like a computer program you do exactly as she says and bend her over the desk. With a hand on her back and one on her hips you pin her there and open up her port.

"Oh fuck, yes!" You plug yourself in Nagyung, and then you unplug, and then you plug in again. The two of you form a wet USB link, male and female connectors plugging and unplugging over and over. It is also a USB-C connection, and on every thrust you plug smoothly into her, causing Nagyung to power up and cry out in pleasure. To prove the point you flip Nagyung on to her back and plunge into her once more—no issues there, no need to flip her back, and she moans once more.

You power-cycle Nagyung's mind, making her body twitch and jerk as you fuck her through multiple orgasms. You're quickly rushing to your own end, intending to transfer your genetic data to her through the Fill Tight Pussy protocol.

"Nagyung I'm gonna—"

"Inside!" she shrieks. Her body feels you throb harder and faster inside her, and she cries and wraps her legs around you, making it a secure FTP transfer. You hump her against the desk, and soon you are forced to execute your biologicial programming. Nagyung's subjected to a pussy overflow attack, and you inject your payload straight into her with a groan. Nagyung pulls you into her chest, and you leave love bites all over her neck as you finish delivering your load.

The two of you power down as you lie quietly on Saerom's desk. You kiss the woman-in-the-middle, and she giggles as you brush her hair aside.

"Oh, now you're gentle."

"You're the one who wanted me to bend you over."

"True, that was great." You eventually disconnect from Nagyung, a river of cum spilling on to Saerom's desk.

"Think she'll notice?" you ask as you hurriedly wipe the surface clean and rearrange things to where they were.

"Nah, she's not back for another week, it will be cleaned and wiped down properly by then." Nagyung reassures you as the two of you fix your clothes. You notice something odd out of the corner of your eye.

"Nagyung, is that a camera?"

"What?!" The two of you stare at the black orb in her ceiling, unseen until now. "Oh my god it is, why did she install one here?"

"Probably because I fucked Jiwon in here..." you groan, ruffling your hair in frustration.

"Really? Her too?" Nagyung interrupts herself. "Never mind, let's hurry up and go talk to Hayoung, maybe she can delete it for us."

"Hayoung? Why?"

"She's head of security, she has access to the camera feeds."

"Oh, let me go talk to her then, you should go back to, umm, doing whatever it is you do."

"Sounds good, very important stuff." Nagyung taps her laptop authoritatively. "Thanks for a good time, Master."

You do a double-take. "Master?"

"Yeah, I was reading about that, you're the Scrum Master, what we did was a scrum right? Lots of bodies moving around, some work got done, your hips were agile. You were leading it, so you're the Master."

"Oh god, that is so wrong but I don't have time to explain it, don't call anyone else Master."

"Sure Master, bye!" You shake your head and follow the directions to security. It is deserted save for a panel of six monitors. To your horror each monitor has a clip playing, clips of Nagyung and you—Nagyung sitting in your lap, you facefucking Nagyung, you fingering Nagyung, you pounding Nagyung, Nagyung’s orgasmic expression as she cums, and finally, your cum leaking out of Nagyung and on to the desk. Taking your chance, you hurry to the computer, to see if you could delete or wipe the archives.

"So..." You jump at Hayoung's voice behind you. "Tell me, are these real or fake? Hmm? Are they fake or real? Are they not fake and therefore real, or are they not real and therefore fake? Well?"

"I umm, I, I..." you're struggling to process what she just said, something about real and fake. You tremble as she places a hand on your shoulder.

"Relax, tell you what, why don't we discuss this somewhere else, and then you can tell me whether this is real or fake." The grip on your shoulder tightens.

"Y-Yes Hayoung."

"Good, your place or mine?"

A/N: Slowly getting around to finishing this up, credit to Byakko who I shoot the shit with and came up with Nakko the app developer. Clearly the most unrealistic thing in this story is that she knows what a unit test is. Anyways thanks for reading, I just went ham with dumb metaphors and lots of random references lol

#smut #nagyung #fromis_9 #nakyung

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trulybetty · 4 months

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04 x dinner date - tim rockford x reader

prompt: dinner date pairing: tim rockford x reader word count: 701 notes: fluff, mentions of food, multiple mentions of potatoes, the flu, no use of y/n and reader is a blank slate summary: change in dining plans for valentines with tim

x. masterlist

“Would you stop apologizing,” Tim said as he pulled a clean t-shirt over his bare chest.

If you weren't hopped up on flu meds and your head didn't feel like it was stuffed with cotton wool you'd lament the loss of his naked broad shoulders. Then again, if you weren't currently sick and curled up in bed the two of you would be out for dinner at the restaurant Tim had been desperate to get into that had conveniently lined up with Valentine's Day. Two birds one stone he'd winked over breakfast when he'd confirmed the alignment of dates some weeks ago.

But tonight, instead of indulging in a romantic evening, Tim found himself taking care of you. He leaned over, pushing back the hoodie you'd pulled up over your head sullenly and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead.

“You go,” you managed to get out between sneezes, “go on without me and come back and tell me how amazing the crispy mashed potato is,” you wailed, “like in excruciating detail.”

Tim rolled his eyes at your theatrics, “Too late, I already gave the reservation to Nell,” before he could carry on the doorbell interrupted him, “I'll be back, you okay to pause the dramatics until I'm back?”

You scowled as you watched him walk out of the bedroom until he was out of sight, you also weren't too sick to admire him in a rare sight of casual attire, sweatpants. Throwing yourself back against the multitude of cushions Tim had propped up around you, you flicked through the channels of the TV standing on the dresser at the end of the bed. It took a moment or two before you settled on some cheesy rom-com that Tim would with no doubt grumble about, but five minutes in be fully invested in the plot, asking questions and decrying the main character's motives.

The smell of food reached your nose before you caught a glimpse of him. He shouldered the door open, his hands balancing a lap tray overflowing with recognizable takeout containers from his favourite Chinese restaurant, and tucked under his arm was a bottle of wine. He placed the tray carefully on the bed and reached into his pocket, pulling out a corkscrew with skilled precision. In a matter of seconds, he removed the cork and began pouring wine for both of you.

“I'm sorry we didn't get to go out,” you said moments later as you sipped at your wine, tucked in at Tim's side as he managed to somehow make using chopsticks to eat noodles an art in a neat skilled flick of the wrist.

Tim chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he looked at you. “Hey, it's not your fault you got sick,” he said, his voice warm and comforting. His phone buzzed from the bedside table and he reached over to pick it up, “It's Nell,” he announced, squinting slightly at the screen before a smile spread across his face. “She's thanking me for the reservation and... oh, she sent a picture of those potatoes you wanted.”

“Are they as amazing as they sounded on the menu?” you asked, “wait, I don't know if I can take it if they are,” you cried as you covered your eyes.

“According to Nell, they're 'to die for,'” he read aloud, purposely ignoring your melodramatics as he turned the screen to show you the picture. The picture, a plate of golden, crispy rolls of mashed potato, artfully arranged and garnished, looking every bit as delicious as you had imagined.

You let out a dramatic sigh, sinking deeper into the pillows. “Betrayed by my own body,” you mourned through a hacking cough, as if your body wanted to hammer it home.

Tim dropped his phone back down on the bedside table and wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close. “Nell's already put our name on the waiting list for us, we're going to go there together, and we'll order so many of those potato things that you'll be sick of them,” he promised, planting a soft kiss on the top of your head.

“You promise?” you asked tucking yourself further into his side.

“I promise.”

#x29 valentines #tim rockford #tim rockford fanfiction #tim rockford fanfic #tim rockford x you #tim rockford x reader #tim rockford x gn!reader #tim rockford x f!reader #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

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neoneun-au · 8 months

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CAN’T HELP MYSELF; CHAPTER I: BADBADNOTGOOD

―PAIRING: wonwoo x fem!reader, mingyu x fem!reader ―GENRE: love triangle au, fluff, mild angst, romantic comedy, suggestive, smut (later chapters) ―CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 5.8K ―CHAPTER WARNINGS: break ups, angst, mild language ―STATUS: ongoing

―SERIES M.LIST HERE

i: badbadnotgood

“It’s literally fine,” you state, voice edging on manic as you take another sip from the iced coffee clutched in your (only slightly trembling) hands, “I’m literally so fine.”

It’s a Thursday afternoon in September and you find yourself once again sitting at the counter of your friend’s day job, taking advantage of her waning generosity (i.e. free coffee) while avoiding doing any of the multitude of things you should be doing at this moment in time. The aforementioned friend, Seulgi, stands in front of you–lower half obscured by the fake marble counter–clad in a coffee-stained apron and fixing you with an expression of open concern. “Are you sure you’re okay? Because you look…I don’t mean this to sound insensitive, but you look a little insane. Are you developing a twitch?”

“I think I might take up running,” you drown the manic edge in your voice with another sip of iced coffee–groaning in disappointment when all that greets your lips is faintly coffee flavoured melt water from your ice cubes. You shake the container to check the contents and with a wave of bitterness confirm that it is, indeed, very empty.

“You should consider taking up drinking water as a hobby first,” she says, snatching the cup away from you and tossing it into the garbage can under the counter behind her, “and then maybe we can go from there.”

You heave a sigh and turn to stare out the window, deepening the cliché of the afternoon. A forlorn widow at a bar draped in pearls and fur.

Thursdays were slow, so you always took your time chatting with Seulgi and sipping whatever drink she was gracious enough to make for you. Today had been a “three iced coffees in a row” kind of day and due to extenuating circumstances (read: an incredibly recent breakup) she was being patient. For now. If the steel in her gaze was anything to judge by, her patience was beginning to run thin.

“I just think that this is the perfect opportunity, Seulgi.” She keeps her eyes trained on your face–steady and unblinking–as you continue to ramble off your tired-but-wired thoughts. “I have so much free time now to do whatever I want, be whoever I want. I haven’t been single in over three years. That’s so long.”

“It is long,” she nods cautiously. A glass of water is set down on the counter in front of you, condensation dripping down the sides, and without thought, entirely on autopilot, you raise it to your lips and take a sip. A small wave of relief ripples over Seulgi’s face as you do.

“I’ve been living with Wonwoo for two of those years, as well,” you choke the name out despite how it still stalls in your throat, threatening either tears or a coughing fit or both. You’re too bolstered by your false sense of optimism in the present moment to let it stop your monologue in its tracks. “Not going out, only cooking at home, spending more time playing video games and watching Netflix on the couch than I ever have in my life. I don’t have to think about what he wants to watch anymore, I can watch what I want. I can go where I want. I could watch Glee!”

“Do you want to watch Glee?” She narrows her brows in suspicion but you wave the glance away with a breezy hand gesture.

“It doesn’t matter what I want to watch,” you shake your head in frustration, “the point is that I can.”

“Right,” she nods, “you’re single now, which was sort of the goal of breaking up with him in the first place. So…live your life.”

“Yes,” you nod, mentally shoving the words ‘breaking up’ into a small closet in your mind. Not to be opened until you were sufficiently under the influence of a massive amount of alcohol. “Yes, I can live my life.”

The bell over the front door of the cafe rings out clear through the air, drawing your attention towards a young couple striding in from the windy day outside. Seulgi pushes herself off the counter in front of you and heads to greet them and collect their order–leaving you to continue to stew in your own thoughts.

Breaking up with Wonwoo had never really been a part of the plan. Two years ago when you moved in with him, you were certain that it was going to be the last relationship you ever had. The hopeless romantic in you had hitched your wagon to him and he made it so easy to build a home around. Your relationship existed as simple domesticity; in simple romance and simple companionship. It was comforting and easy. And that was what scared you the most, in the end.

Maybe it was too easy. Maybe you were settling. Maybe there was something more out there that you weren’t seeing because you were too content eating the same meals and telling the same stories. Part of you started to ache for a break in routine–some excitement and adventure that he wasn’t able or willing to offer–and after months of turning it over in your mind you finally figured what you had to do to make that happen.

“Have you found a place to stay yet?” Seulgi’s voice calls to you–yanking you unceremoniously out of your brain-stew before it hit the boiling point. The young, beige clad couple had settled themselves into a corner booth and Seulgi had come to take up her spot leaning on the counter across from you once more.

“No,” you sigh, shoulders falling. The one sticking point in your resolve to leave your boyfriend (ex-boyfriend now, you suppose) had been the apartment. Aside from it being the home you had made together, you didn’t really have any idea where else you could stay. For the past week you had been sleeping on the couch and disappearing as fast as possible before Wonwoo could wake up. Avoidance became key to your survival.

A few friends had suggested you keep the apartment and he could move back in with his old college friend Jihoon, but you already felt too bad breaking up with him in the first place to then subsequently kick him out of an apartment that he also had every right to live in. So, maybe somewhat foolishly, you volunteered to leave.

“What about Jeonghan, didn’t you say he had a room free at his place?” Seulgi nudges the now lukewarm glass of water towards you as she speaks and you take another sip, wincing at the mention of Jeonghan’s name.

“He did,” you reply, setting the glass back down on the counter with a satisfying thud. From the moment he heard about the break-up he had offered as much accommodation to you as possible. You had been roommates for six months in college and it went as smoothly as it possibly could have at that age, so you knew you could live with him in a pinch. Although you suspected the main driving force behind his offer was to keep his own rent at his massive condo as cheap as possible.

“And his place is a bad idea because…?”

“He has like three other roommates already,” you groan, dropping your head into your hands. That was the only catch to rooming with him–strangers. All sense of optimism and bravado vacated your body at the thought of having to get to know new people. You no longer wanted to change your life for the better, you wanted to dig yourself into a soft pit in the earth and sleep for 1000 years.

“So?” Seulgi asks and you groan deeper at her blatantly missing the source of your frustration, “you’ll have your own room. Besides, haven’t you been friends with him for like…ever?”

“But they’re all dudes, Seulgi,” you whine, splaying your arms out across the counter.

“You’ve lived with a dude for the past two years, what’s the difference?”

“I’ve sworn them off,” you state as if it’s the most natural thing in the world and she just stares blankly back at you.

“Dudes?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve sworn off…all dudes?”

You nod, grateful she finally gets it, “yes.” Her steady gaze bores into you as you straighten your posture and readjust your hair before finally coming out with the question you had been meaning to ask since you stumbled into the cafe three hours ago, “can I move in with you?”

She barks a short laugh, shaking her head–her bright orange ponytail waving behind her as she does. You sit, patiently waiting for her response and ignoring the pit of vipers in your stomach biting at your nerves. After a moment she sobers up and brings her expression back to one of practised neutrality, “oh, you’re being serious.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You know I live with my parents, right?”

“Yeah, but they know me. I’ve met them.”

“You’ve met them once,” she clarifies, stressing the last word. “I don’t think they really want to have another body in our house. It’s not exactly palatial.”

“That’s fine, I don’t need much room,” you shrug and she heaves a sigh.

“_____, you need to find a place that is a more permanent solution than crashing on my parent’s couch. Just look around online for some roommate ads, you can find plenty that are female only.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, gathering your bags to leave. “You’re right, I should just do that.”

“You’re leaving before close today?” She asks, slightly taken aback at the sudden shift in routine.

“Yeah, I mean I don’t want to keep loitering and distracting you from your customers,” you nod, slinging your purse over your shoulders. Seulgi takes a cursory glance around the cafe–eyebrow cocked. The singular couple that had been occupying a table in the small space had already left, leaving behind a wayward glove as the only sign they had been there in the first place.

In an effort to avoid as much contact with Wonwoo as possible, you had been doing all of your work (read: moping and avoiding your actual job) from the safety of the cafe walls on the days Seulgi worked, and the library on days she didn’t. It was a nice cafe but with the university students not yet back for the start of fall semester, it wasn’t an especially busy spot this time of year.

“Besides,” you start, pushing yourself off the stool and stretching out the kink that had developed in your spine from leaning dramatically over the counter for the past 3 hours, “Wonwoo is usually working late Thursday nights so I can have some time alone to browse through rental listings.”

“Oh okay. Well good luck,” Seulgi waves you off and you think she might look slightly relieved as you push open the door of the cafe and step out into the fresh air.

Wonwoo, as it turns out, was not working late this Thursday night.

Instead, as you walk into the apartment at a quarter past 5 in the afternoon, you find him leaning against the kitchen counter waiting for a pot of water to come to a boil.

His back is turned to you, head bowed forward as he scrolls through his phone. You freeze in place, bag swinging at your side, for a moment–staring at the back of his head as he remains blissfully unaware of your presence.

If you were still dating, you would have snuck up behind him and wrapped your arms around his slender waist, tucking your face into the space between his shoulder blades. He always smelled like the faint remnants of his cologne–softened with wear throughout the day–and a strange combination of mint and coffee that you could only ever describe as ‘Wonwoo’.

If you were still dating, he would have laughed softly–silently–at the sudden intrusion while twisting around the pressing his lips to your forehead, mumbling a quiet “hello,” against your skin.

If you were still dating, you would have taken half of the ramyun he was cooking and sat together eating on the couch while chatting about your days, or watching whatever TV show had been in your rotation at the time. A comfortable stillness would have settled over you as you sunk back into each other as you so often did. With ease and flow.

If you were still dating you wouldn’t be standing like a deer in headlights, staring at the back of his head. Waiting for the pin to drop. You wouldn’t be frantically trying to think of an exit plan before he took notice of your presence in the room. Your muscles tense to bolt at the slightest movement from him.

If you were still dating you might have known what to do when he finally did notice you there. When he turned to face you and you could see, even in the dim lighting of your small apartment, the redness in his eyes. But you weren’t still dating, so instead of instinctively knowing what to do you just waved at him with your pathetic, useless hands.

“Umm hi,” you stutter the words out as you let your bag slip off your shoulder to the floor, kicking it to the side of the entryway. “I didn’t think you’d be home until later.”

“Took the day off,” he replies, turning back around to add two packs of noodles into the now boiling water. You nod and slip off your jacket, feeling distinctly like an intruder inside of your own home.

The obvious bags under Wonwoo’s eyes didn’t help with that feeling.

In fact, the more you watch him out of the corner of your eye, the more you start to feel like at your core you were actually a very evil person. Here he was, standing unkempt in the t-shirt you had bought for him last Christmas while you stood on the other side of the room from him alive and breathing and like you hadn’t broken his heart only days prior.

The tense silence from moments before is replaced by static in your mind as you let the guilt consume you–raging like a fire through your thoughts and burning everything it touches. ‘Evil, awful, terrible, horrible, bad, bad, bad person,’ it chants–over and over twisting and turning inside of you. A mantra for all the things you’ve done wrong. It buzzes inside of your head so loudly that you hardly notice Wonwoo speaking to you until he clears his throat in question and calls to you by name.

“Sorry,” you start, putting a lid on the buzzing in your mind, “I didn’t hear you. What?”

“Are you hungry?” he repeats himself, already setting out two bowls of ramyun on the small kitchen table before you can muster up a response. You take a seat without a word, wincing at the sound of the chair scraping against the vinyl flooring, disturbing the silence like nails on a chalkboard.

“Thanks,” your voice is sheepish. He nods in acknowledgement and begins to slurp back his noodles, eyes trained on his phone screen as he avoids meeting your gaze.

For a few minutes, the only sound in the room is the occasional clinking of chopsticks against the sides of your bowls. You sit, watching Wonwoo and waiting. Waiting for something to happen to break the stalemate. To cut the tension and alter the current status quo.

You want him to scream. To yell at you, to throw something. Anything more than just…sit. In silence. Looking at his phone. ‘If you get mad at me I will get on my hands and knees and beg you for forgiveness,’ you think to yourself, telepathically sending him the hint you so desperately want him to pick up on. ‘Give me some emotion, for the love of god.’

The sticking point in your relationship had always been his introspection. Sometimes it was a boon. He went inwards to see things you often couldn't see on the outside. It was nice, having someone so thoughtful. Someone who sat back and observed; taking note of everything, never reacting blindly.

But as the days ticked ever onward, and you remained in that same place of ease and comfort, you began to wish he would. React. Make any move purely on emotion. Share his ugly, dirty, messy thoughts–even if they were never fully formed, even if they were retracted a second later.

Instead he remained–steady, stoic–and the desire inside of you for passion and change burned brighter and brighter until you couldn't stand it anymore. Until it nearly blinded you with its intensity.

Even during the break-up, when you sat across from him at this same kitchen table, with a combination of tears and mascara running down your face, he sat still and calm. Listening. Observing. You sat there with your heart bared blood red on your sleeves and your feelings spilling out before him from the open wound of your mind–more vulnerable than you had ever felt in all your years of dating. And you watched, splayed open, as he retreated further and further from you, locked his emotions and heart back up into himself. He remained even as you pleaded for him to give you something–anything–other than that.

So you left.

And then came back an hour later because you didn’t know where the hell you were going in the first place and besides you had left your wallet and phone behind and what were you going to be able to do without those aside from sit on a park bench. You snuck back in through the front door and expected to see him in shambles on your bed or wailing dramatically along to a comfort film. Instead you found him three games deep into an extended Overwatch session.

Now, days later, you find yourself once again hoping against hope for him to give you something. Something other than the (mostly) cold-shoulder you had received for the past few days when you did accidentally bump into him. You needed it. It might feel less painful if it felt like he cared more. More than hiding his tears behind whatever wall he had built inside of himself.

The silence bites at you again as Wonwoo gathers the bowls to clean up–checking yours first to see that you’ve finished, the way he always does–and you trail behind him into the small galley kitchen.

“So, umm,” you start, unsure of what you’re about to say but unable to stop yourself from saying whatever it was anyway. If he wasn’t going to talk, you would. “How’s work?”

“Same as usual,” he shrugs, setting the bowls into the sink. You can see his shoulders tensing under his shirt as you talk, and that monster of guilt peeks its head up inside of you for a split second before you shove it aside and continue.

“I think I might have found a place to live,” you say suddenly, surprising even yourself.

“Oh?” His hands still in the sink, and he turns towards you–fully facing you for the first time since that night. The eye contact makes your breath catch in your throat–you can see more clearly now the redness in the whites of his eyes, the dark rings encircling them. Guilt rears his head once more. Regret. And a small–incredibly small, but still present–flush of victory. A reaction, finally.

“Yeah,” you nod, spurred on by nerves and a desire to keep the tense silence at bay for as long as possible, “umm, Jeonghan offered me a room at his place.”

“Jeonghan?”

“Yeah, you remember him. Blonde guy–well I guess he wasn’t blonde when you met him, I think his hair was like…long and purple, or maybe blue–?” you catch yourself rambling, Wonwoo stands–hands poised still over a bowl–clutching a dripping dish rag.

“I remember him, yeah,” he turns back to the dishes, scrubbing at the bowls but you can tell that you still have his attention.

“Anyway, he offered to let me move in there. I just need to let him know when and then the room is mine,” you finish the thought and nod as if signing the lease agreement with your words despite this being the first time you’ve even seriously considered the offer.

“Doesn’t he have a bunch of roommates already?” Wonwoo shakes the water off the bowl–from a set of dishes you had bought together shortly after moving in–and sets it gently in the drying rack off to the side of the sink before moving on to the next one.

“Yeah, like three,” you state, watching his forearms flex and unflex as he scrubs at an old stain in the grey ceramic, “but it's a five bedroom condo and one of his old roommates–Dino, I think was his name? I only met him once at that one murder mystery party they were throwing,” you catch yourself rambling again and take a quick breath to rearrange your thoughts, “anyway he just moved out so now they have an empty room.”

Wonwoo nods, the way he always does when he is considering what to say, and you wait. Silence creeps back in for a moment–the only sound is the water whirling through the drain–before he turns back to you with one eyebrow slightly raised, “do you even want to live with that many people? You like having your space.”

“I mean,” you hum, “I don’t really have many other options.”

“You could stay here,” he says after a breath–voice barely above a whisper–and you feel your heart stutter in your chest. Is this it? Is this the moment he breaks through his walls and fights for what he wants? Fights for you? Wonwoo clears his throat, and you wait, breath held, for him to continue, “at least until you can find something better.”

The hope you had built–a delicate house of cards stacked on his words–crumbles and you can feel yourself physically deflate. “No,” you shake your head, “thanks but…I think this will be good. I feel good about it.” You’re not sure who you’re trying to convince more with this statement.

“Well,” he nods once, slowly, one eyebrow raised in suspicion, “as long as you’re sure.”

“I am,” you try and offer the most assuring smile you can muster despite how entirely unsure you feel about the snap decision, only letting it fall from your face once he tucks the last bowl away and slips into the dark of the bedroom.

“Okay,” Jeonghan grins, taking the seat across from you at the kitchen table, “house rules.”

After your last interaction with Wonwoo you had tried in vain to think of any possible reason you could back out of the spontaneous declaration of your new living arrangements. Even going so far as to dig through the personal ads on numerous websites, seeking any even remotely attractive alternative that you could use to move into immediately and hide your shame before it grew big enough to swallow you whole.

It took only two hours and 10+ ads seeking “female companionship for free room and board” with blurry attached photos for you to give up and just message Jeonghan. To which he promptly replied with an ‘I knew I’d hear from you ;)’.

The move had been relatively simple after that. Jeonghan had roped one of your new roommates, a guy called Seungcheol, into hauling nearly all of your stuff down five flights of stairs to the moving truck you had rented for the occasion and then back out of the moving truck and into your shared condo. Two days and nearly twenty boxes later, you sit across from Jeonghan in the condo you were now going to have to call your home for the foreseeable future.

“Rule one,” he begins, holding up a finger to emphasize the number as if it wasn’t abundantly clear, “wash your own dishes. If the dishwasher is full and clean, empty it and then add your stuff.” You open your mouth, poised to speak, but he stops you with a dismissive wave of his hand, “I know you will, I’m not worried about you, I just have to be excessively clear on this point after the last incident we had.” Jeonghan ends the sentence with a somber shake of his head and you decide it’s probably best not to ask what said “incident” was.

“Second, the movie The Notebook is banned from this apartment.”

“What? Why?”

“The last time we watched it it took three hours to peel Mingyu off the couch,” he shakes his head, “trust me you don’t want to see a six foot tall man in that extreme of a state of distress. It’s…hard to watch.”

“Okay…” the worry you had felt prior to moving your stuff into the apartment metamorphosizes now into pure confusion. You weren’t sure what exactly to expect living with four adult men, but suffice it to say this was not it.

“Rule three is simple: no overnight guests on Sundays.”

“Why Sundays?”

“It’s the Lord’s day,” he explains, face showing no hint of a bluff as you flounder for a response, mouth agape. “Kidding, it’s really just because if we didn’t have a set day there would always be someone here with the amount of people that live in this condo. It’s just for my own peace of mind. Not that Dino was much of a concern with that and considering…circumstances you won’t be either.”

“Got it,” you nod, ignoring the sleight and wondering if you should have brought a notepad.

“Honestly, that’s pretty much it for the hard rules. Everything else is just…be conscious of the people you live with. But I know I don’t have to worry about that with you, you lived with Wonwoo,” he laughs but stops himself as your expression falters, clearing his throat with a cursory cough. “Anyway, we’re all really excited to have you here.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, feeling the weight of the world settle back on your shoulders. You can’t remember ever being so tired. “Thanks again, Jeonghan, for letting me stay here.”

“Of course,” he smiles, patting your folded hands in a gesture of comfort, “this is your home now, and we’re happy to have you.”

You glance around the room, trying to place that word in with the surroundings you find yourself in. Trying to make it fit. “Home”.

The kitchen is a good size, with more than enough space for multiple people trying to cook at once. The fridge is relatively new, stainless steel, and equipped with a water dispenser which was something you definitely did not have at your apartment (Wonwoo’s apartment, now, you remind yourself). The dishwasher is also a welcome addition, and you're happy with the prospect of not having to hand wash every dish you use.

The apartment in general is in good condition. It is clear, despite your previous assumptions, that everyone here puts some level of care into their living space and you appreciate that. It makes you feel a little better about living with a group of men who (beyond Jeonghan) you barely know.

But still, despite the relative cleanliness and general coziness of the space, it is still hard to envision yourself ever being able to fit the word ‘home’ here in these four walls. Home is still a word that until recently had only made sense in one place–in the arms of one person. And you had destroyed that. Chopped it's head clean off like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Maybe you don’t deserve the word anymore.

“So,” Jeonghan begins, offering you a wide smile, “we were thinking pizza for dinner. Something fun and easy to welcome you into the place. Mingyu wanted to cook but I talked him out of it, it’s too formal. Mingyu and Vernon will be home later. I think you might have met them once before. Seungcheol you already know, he’ll be back later too, he spends a lot of time at the gym. If you ever need a gym buddy I’m sure he would salivate at the opportunity.”

You nod, unfocused. You’re following his words but your mind is a million years away. Jeonghan, tuned in as ever, notices you drifting and stops in his tracks. “You must be tired,” he concludes, a knowing glint in his eyes, “why don’t you head to your room and I’ll leave you be for a while. Let you get settled in. Feel free to come out and join us whenever.”

“Thank you,” you breathe, already halfway out of the kitchen.

“I’ll call you out for dinner later, if you like,” he turns to you, a soft encouraging smile painted over his lips and you can’t help but return it in kind before disappearing down the hallway.

Five minutes alone and you dissolve completely.

Every emotion you had been holding back behind the dam of your desire to keep a straight face for the sake of everyone else around you floods forward as you unpack your first box and you fall onto your bed in a what can only be described as a fainting spell interspersed with waves of crying and not uncharacteristic wheezing. All thought to your roommates completely ignored in the midst of the hysterics.

Somewhere in the middle of the wailing, you think you hear Jeonghan call your name through your door but you’re too all consumed by your sadness to reply to him. Instead you bury your head into your pillows like a flamingo in the sand to muffle the sound of your crying until you fall asleep with your tears drying to a crust on your cheeks.

When you finally come to, the sun is gone and your room is lit only by the light pollution of the city seeping in through your blinds. Your face feels swollen and puffy from all of the tears and your throat is sandpaper–for a brief second you’re afraid you might have lost your voice. A dull headache pounds through your entire skull. You feel as miserable as you’re sure you deserve to feel at this point in time.

With a sigh you slide off your mattress, letting your feet fall to the vinyl floor with a thud and reach to grab your phone from the nightstand that Dino left behind when he moved out.

A single text notification sits unopened on your phone.

[jeonghan] there’s pizza in the kitchen if you get hungry. introductions can wait until tomorrow.

So they did just decide to leave you alone for the time being. Good. Considering your current emotional state, you didn’t think meeting new people was a good idea. The first impression was already shot since you’re sure they heard you wailing through the thin walls of the apartment.

You consider just going back to sleep without any dinner, but your stomach answers the thought with an insistent rumble that you don’t think you’d be able to stave off for too long before it gets cavernous. You push yourself from the bed and pad out into the hallway–cautiously stretching your head out first to see if anyone else is wandering around.

Three slices of pizza sit wrapped on a plate in the fridge, illuminated in the dark of the kitchen and you feel your sour mood lift slightly at the sight. You eat them cold, standing in your bare feet and wrinkled clothes alone in the kitchen.

The dishwasher is clean when you go to place the plate inside, but considering time you decide it would be worse to unload the whole thing for one measly plate so you run it under the tap for a few minutes–scrubbing at one stubborn spot of hardened cheese with the sponge.

“I think it’s clean,” a voice calls out behind you and you startle–nearly dropping the dish in the sink at the sudden intrusion.

“Wha–! Fuck,” you exclaim, inhaling a sharp breath to slow your heart back down to a normal pace.

“Sorry,” the voice chuckles, low and easy, and you find yourself praying that if you pretend he’s not there he will leave before you have to turn around and face whatever man the voice belongs to. “Did I scare you?”

No dice. “No, it’s fine I was just thinking about something–” you pivot slowly on one foot and are immediately grateful that you’re lit only by ambient lighting, “–else.”

Immediately upon turning around you come face-to-face with a dripping wet and uncomfortably bare torso. You snap your gaze up to his face, avoiding further eye contact with his nipples, and the knot of nerves in your stomach tightens.

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” he laughs again–casual despite his state of undress and your clear distress. You feel your head shake no without your permission, betraying you and forgiving the hidden apology in his words. “Not a great first impression, I gather.” His smile is bright, but a little lopsided and bashful. It conjures up images of your childhood dog when he would track mud in through the house from the backyard, eyes big and wet and brown and sure that any sleight would be forgiven immediately based purely on his cuteness.

“It’s fine,” you clear your throat, words finally returning to you, and glance around for a possible exit strategy while still trying to avoid staring directly at his (admittedly very well built) chest.

“I’m Mingyu,” he smiles, extending a hand to you and you take it briefly, feeling the warmth of it on your own like a shock. Not an entirely unwelcome one.

“Mingyu?” you ask, partly to clarify and partly to give yourself a chance to regain your thoughts. You notice his hand is still in yours and you drop it, letting your own hand fall back to your side–flexing the fingers as if to shake off the warmth of his.

“Yeah,” he laughs again and you wish he would stop.

“You live here?”

“I do,” he nods, still smiling. “That would be why I am standing in the kitchen at 1:00am.”

“Oh, umm…yeah of course. Yeah,” you slide sideways against the counter behind you until you’re no longer parallel to him, preparing to bolt back to your bedroom at the slightest provocation.

“Anyway, sorry we had to meet like this, it’s not really ideal.”

“No,” you shake your head–thoughts numb from hours of crying and the shock of his arrival in the kitchen.

“We can re-do our introductions in the morning, hey?” There is a hopeful lilt in his voice and you can't help but agree–feeling a little like a nervous rabbit being placated by clumsy hands. He steps aside and you slip past him, grateful at being on the other side of the kitchen and not trapped between his body and the counter. “Sleep tight.”

You feel his eyes lingering on you as you shuffle back to your bedroom, but you resist the suffocating urge to turn around and check. The door closes behind you with a soft click and you lean all of your weight against the wood, unsure of your legs' abilities to keep you upright for more than a second longer.

“Fuck,” you whisper into the darkness and are answered by sirens as they race by outside of your window. “This is not good.”

#svt x reader #wonwoo x reader #mingyu x reader #svt fic #seventeen fic #seventeen x reader

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