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xaharadesert · 4 years

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Bard MC - Headcanon

Arcana Characters (Main 6) x MC

A/N: Okie dokie, this one is for a very lovely and very patient anon! Their request for an MC who can control magic through music is super cool! Honestly, I didn’t know exactly what a bard was when I first received this request, so I’ll be adding in a couple references about that as a joke :) I also tried to leave it ambiguous between whether the MC sings or plays an instrument, but I may have failed. My apologies, these may be a bit shorter than what you’re all used too, but I was struggling with this a little bit (also I am half asleep as I am finishing this, so I’m sorry if some of it doesn’t make sense). Also, I’m very sorry about using an outdated meme, but the oppurtunity was right there and I had to use it. As always, I recognize Asra’s non-binary gender orientation but will be using he/him pronouns! Please let me know if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes :) Requests are open!

❤️Julian❤️

Oh, yeah, he knows what a bard is

Like a singer... right?

Nope

When you tell him that you control magic through music, he has a small crisis and reevaluates every bard he’s ever met

He suddenly has quite a few questions about the inherent magic of music

Curious as always, he wants to learn more about how music acts as a medium for magic, which means a lot of questions

Most of his questions are based in psychology, because a small part of him that constantly doubts magic believes that you’re just a scientific genius

Overall, he supports you, of course

He loves music and the fact that you can cast spells using it is just an added bonus

Julian is already thinking about all the musical adventures you’ll have together

If you offer to teach him, he’ll respectfully decline

He’ll stick to the ordinary kind of music, thank you

On that note, unless it messes with your magic he will absolutely sing along whenever you’re preparing a spell

If this is a problem he’ll sing quietly to himself to avoid being a distraction

He’s sorry if it’s annoying to you, but he really loves singing

When he’s constantly surrounded by music he finds it hard to keep quiet

But if you’re okay with him joining in? He’ll belt some made-up lyrics at the top of his lungs

He may accidentally sing over you and your music, so even if it was originally fine, it will unintentionally cause problems

🧡Portia🧡

Oh, a bard!

That’s uh... a music thing, right?

I mean, she was mostly right

When you tell her that you can control magic through music she’s ecstatic

Magic in and of itself is super cool, but music too?! That’s amazing!

Portia wasn’t the biggest fan of music before, but you can bet your butt she is now!

She loves listening to you preform magic, and even if your not doing a spell, she loves listening to you

She wants to know what kind of songs control what kind of spells

In fact, she wants to know everything about your magic

You might as well be her official teacher because she never stops asking questions

In fact, asking if you can teach her eventually does come up

She’s a very eager student, although she often goes off track and starts inventing her own music

It’s not as effective, but she’s definitely having fun

Even if she never actually learns the magic part, she learned a cool new musical skill

She’ll create silly little songs to make you laugh

Sometimes when you use a particularly sad song for a spell, she’ll start to tear up

This can be a bit of a distraction, but she swears she’s not actually upset

You’re just amazing at what you do

Once Julian needed your help and her response was “this is so sad, MC play Despacito”

💛Lucio💛

Of course he knows what a bard is!

At least that’s what he claims

In reality he has no idea, he always referred to them as “music people”

So when you tell him about controlling magic through music he’s suddenly feeling a little afraid of every musician he made fun of in the past

He’ll never admit that out loud, though

Lucio thinks what you do is amazing

You can do magic AND you’re musically talented! That’s double the talent!

For a moment he considered mocking Asra for being less talented than you before remembering that you and Asra are friends

That doesn’t stop him from showing off your talents to everyone else, though!

Whether you really want to or not, you’ll probably have to show literally every Vesuvian your abilities at least once

Lucio himself isn’t particularly interested in learning your form of magic

He’d rather watch and listen as you preform spells

He doesn’t really want you to teach anyone else though, but he can’t really stop you if you choose to anyway

Sometimes he’ll ask you to preform a spell just so he can listen to you

He especially loves to hear slower songs for spells that ward off nightmares

When he listens to you, he genuinely feels calm and peaceful

He just exists in a perfect moment, with nobody but you and him

On a side note, though, sometimes when you’re showing off for other people he’ll try to sing along and it’ll always end up sounding horrible

💚Muriel💚

Doesn’t even pretend to know what a bard is

He never really had a reason to know, so he doesn’t

When you first tell him, he feels a bit awkward because he feels as if you expected him to know

But of course, your brand of magic was pretty unique so explaining your abilities was old hat by now

He’s not exactly sure how he feels about your methods

Of course he loves and supports you, but your magic... it’s just... a lot

It seems to require a lot of noise, and it draws way too much attention in his opinion

He would never try to change you, but he shrinks into himself whenever you gain a crowd from performing a spell in public

He starts to feel differently about it the first time he hears a slower song

When your music is soft and soothing he inadvertently feels himself relax

Knowing that you’re beside him, doing what you love, brings him a lot of inexplicable joy

Muriel doesn’t really have any interest in learning your kind of magic for himself, if he’s being honest

Although, he never minds when you want to talk about the complexities

He doesn’t mind very much if you need to practice late at night at home, because he doesn’t need to worry about other people intruding

Personally, he has no real uses for your magic so he never asks for your help

That isn’t to say he won’t accept it; if you want to use a song to help with menial tasks once in a while he won’t complain

The one exception is if you start using it for some creepy spell in the middle of the night

Then he may have a few complaints

💙Asra💙

The only one who actually knows what a bard is without your explanation

He was there throughout most of your magical growth, so he already knows a lot about it

In all honesty, if it weren’t for you, he probably would have been just as oblivious as everyone else

He loves how unique your method of performing magic is

Asra has never met anyone quite like you, and he doubts he ever will

Watching you perform your magic is one of his favourite hobbies (if you can really count that as a hobby)

Observing how your magic interacts with your music is incredible to him

He’s a little jealous, but he’d never say that out loud

You offered to teach him years ago and he eagerly accepted, but he never quite got the hang of it

In the end, he learned most of the theory behind it, but he mostly stuck to his own brand of magic

Even if he does admire your magic more than he admires his own, he does love the contrast between the two of you

(Spoilers) when he brought you back and was re-teaching you most things, your magic was one of the hardest

He felt horrible that he couldn’t properly demonstrate for you, but after teaching you the theories again, you seemed to pick it up on your own

On a side note though, helping you relearn your magic did allow him to grasp a couple of basic spells with your method, which makes him super excited

All in all he’s just thrilled that you have such a strong and unique brand of magic

He’s proud of how much you’ve grown into it, despite not having a proper mentor

Asra is a fan of quite a few unique types of music, but listening to whatever kind of music your using has definitely helped him settle on a few favourite songs

He doesn’t have a favourite kind of musical spell, so he’s excited no matter what kind of magic your performing

One time he even convinced you to cast a spell to heat up some tea faster just because he wanted to hear your music

💜Nadia💜

A bard?

As in, one who recites poetry, correct?

She uses the definition of a bard when describing what she thinks you do

Nadia is pleasantly surprised to find that your definition of bard is much more powerful, although she now has a few questions about how you go about defining words

She doesn’t have very much magical experience, so she was unaware of how unique your brand of magic was

But when she finds out exactly what it is you do?

She’s so excited

Nadia definitely loves music, although she leans toward slightly more refined tastes

She starts to question her favourite songs when she first hears you perform a spell

You manage to convey so much emotion, regardless of how long a spell or song is

She feels her heart pound in her chest whenever you use a lot of emotion in a spell

If you offer to teach her, she’ll have to politely decline

She knows how to play piano, sure, and her singing voice isn’t the worst, but she isn’t particularly interested in studying magic

She’ll just leave that part up to you

Of course, she’s always content to watch you perform, although sometimes it is a bit disruptive

If she needs a quick spell while in a meeting, a whole song can be a bit of a problem

She learns to work around this though, because she would never want you to ever change who you are

Although, she will admit she found it humorous when you chose a particularly aggressive song for a spell when trying to prove a point to Valerius

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primergon · 4 years

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imagine sleeping/cuddling with the decepticons !

Megatron: He doesn’t like to sleep with company. Even back in Kaon, he would never let anyone stay in his berth any longer than necessary. You understand old habits are hard to let go, but when he made an exception for you, you can’t help but tear up a little at the sight of him displacing his mass to slid right next to you. The fact that it had been your bed instead of his made you even giddier. He would wrap both arms around you protectively, sometimes it gets so tight to the point where you can’t really move – but into the night his grip would loosen and you’ll adjust your positions. His head would rest above your chest and you’ll have his head cradled between your hands. When the sun rises, the sight of your legs intertwined is almost enough to make him forget that he has duties to attend aboard the Nemesis. Almost.

Soundwave: He’s not picky when it comes to sleeping together, sometimes you’ll sleep right next to his helm or he’ll shrink down to fit into your bed so you can cuddle. You never expected this from him, considering that you took him for the type who hates cuddling. He is a light sleeper, who is almost unmoving in slumber ( he could eerily pass for a corpse ) and most importantly, even in recharge, he keeps his visor. Yet, Soundwave is surprisingly affectionate in his own way. So when into the night you had found that he had retracted his helm to nuzzle his face into your shoulder, you had to keep still to make sure that the moment lasts.

Knockout: Sleeping with Knockout is to say stressful, in a sense that he loves to hog the blanket. Ever since you introduced him to wool blankets, he’s been obsessed. He would always beat you to the human bed you share in his quarters, because apparently once he discovered just how soft human beds are his berth have been mercilessly abandoned. He would already be buried between the pillows, the thrum of his engines signaling that the doctor’s deep in recharge. Yet into the night, he’d unconsciously try to rip the blanket off you, which would always lead to you pressing against one another to keep the fabric on both of you. It’s a playful wrestle that would sometimes wake him, and once he sees your shirt hiking above your midrib – he’d instantly be awake and more than ready to abandon sleep. Breakdown: You would never have to spend another cent on plushies because why buy a life-sized teddy bear when you have Breakdown? Although the metal would fool anyone into thinking that cuddling would be painful, he is surprisingly warm and gentle – and you’re more than happy to see that your limbs would slot perfectly against his from time to time. Cuddling is a must with the gentle giant, and you’d both spend a few minutes under the covers sleepily talking about your day. It was only a matter of time before one of you falls asleep, which would prompt the other to pull the blanket and turn off the lights. Once in awhile, you’ll wake up to find him stroking your hair or kissing your forehead, prompting you to bury yourself deeper under his chin.

Starscream: Against popular belief, Starscream is a wonderful berth-partner. You spend more time bonding during your nightly routines than anywhere else, where Starscream would vent to you about his day as you apply your skincare. At times, the both of you would walk past the sliding doors and decide with a single look that you are both too tired for anything, and you’ll both wordlessly collapse on the bed – atop the sheets with the lights on. However, when you wake in the middle of the night, you’d already be under the covers – with the lights off and his arm resting against your hipbone. He would switch in between being the big and little spoon, depending on his mood – but you don’t mind. He’s surprisingly tame in his sleep, and since you’re with him, he’s less anxious about waking up in the dead of the night to escape Megatron’s wrath or an Autobot attack. But he still remains restless at times, then again you’re always there to rub comforting circles against his wings.

Shockwave: When dating someone with the emotional range of a teaspoon, you didn’t expect much from Shockwave. In fact, you expected nothing at all. He never holds your hand or kisses you unless you ask for it. He never hugs you out of the blue or comfort you when you cry – sometimes you question why you stayed and feel guilty about wanting more from him. Until he invites you to bed for the first time – it wasn’t even suggestive. The two of you lay there, face to face, with a small space between the two of you that stretched for what seemed like miles. The initial awkwardness doesn’t seem to fade, and you nearly resorted to turning around to face the other way. Until he reaches out, ever so slowly, and lays a hand in the empty space. “ I understand you desire a more…emotional approach to our relationship.” It took you a while to realize it was an invitation, and you’d tentatively put your hand there – by morning he’s already gone, but you can still feel the warmth of his fingers cradling yours the entire day.

Dreadwing: Considering that he’s a very old school mech, you expected chivalry to prevent him from sleeping with you until marriage. Yet, he’s open to the idea of sharing a bed with you, if not shy. And you couldn’t help but grin at the sight of him unsure and slightly flustered at the prospect of sharing a bed. In the beginning, he laid on the furthest edge of the bed, acting as if you were a carrier of some contagious disease. Until you beckoned him to come closer, and as the days bled to weeks, the gap between the two of you shrunk, to the point where he has both arms wrapped around you at all times throughout the night. He would sometimes, oddly enough, slide down unconsciously – until his head is resting against your stomach. Or sometimes, he’d be the one to press you against his chest, with your open palm resting above his spark.

Predaking: You once told him that you loved sleeping with his dragon form, and from then on he had let you curl against his tail, secured right next to his jaw protectively. Once he discovered that sleeping that way for too long hurts your body, he had offered to sleep on your bed – alas it broke under the sheer weight of his armor, and you have decided to buy a futon for both of you to sleep on. It was uncomfortable in the beginning, as his claws were too sharp and would sometimes poke you in your sleep. Yet, when winter and the rainy season rolls around, you’d be more than happy to cuddle against your own personal heater. Especially when that heater comes with affectionate nuzzles and kisses. You have to make sure the kisses wouldn’t lead to anything more from time to time, considering that even if his stamina is never-ending, you, on the other hand, have to sleep.

ST3V3: You have a love-hate relationship with sleeping with ST3V3. While you understand he is your boyfriend, he is also your best friend – meaning you can’t expect to fall asleep right away when he’s always making you laugh in the dark. He’s like that one kid during sleepovers who’d make people laugh for no absolute reason and keep them awake until morning. Unless you’re tired, then he’d dramatically carry you to bed before WWE slamming you against the cushions. He’d hold you close, but don’t expect him to not lean into your ear to whisper some outdated meme to annoy you on purpose, you might have to keep a pillow ready at hand to throw at him.

( A/N : forgive me if grammar isn’t perfect or if it doesn’t make that much sense as I too, am writing this as I am sleep deprived, the only difference is that i don’t have a robot bf to cuddle :”( , find me @/primergonn on insta !)

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uwua3 · 3 years

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your name (pt.1)

❄️📚 tsukioka tsumugi

part 1 — part 2 — part 3

summary: being an adult is tiring, tsumugi knows that all too well.

warnings: class divide (struggling financially), food

author’s note: this is the first ever series i’m doing! please anticipate the next installment of the “your name” series tomorrow :D i’m so excited to share this since part 01 is my first ever wip for a3 ever 🤍 please enjoy!

word count: 2,932

music: kimi no na wa soundtrack – radwimps

Running with reckless abandon, a boy trips amidst the bustling public traffic in the station, books flying out of his arms from the sheer force of his turn. Passer-bys barely spared a glance at the panicked tutor as he bent down to gather his academic papers, all imprinted by strangers’ shoes. In a moment of lifelong embarrassment, the world continued to spin as nothing rippled the fabric of time.

Murmurs spread across the crowd, daily small talk between people who would never see each other again on the complex train system. Students shared personal gossip too loud for their own good as their prestigious private academy skirts flew past him. Businessmen burdened themselves with client phone calls as they were all weighed down by the same leather briefcase. Employees wore their customer service mask, smiling politely before dropping their act immediately afterwards when they thought no one was looking. As expected, there was no time in the schedule to stop and help a recent university graduate out of his clumsy peril. Everyone was too distracted by their own problems to consider breaking their routine.

Perceptive by nature, Tsukioka Tsumugi didn’t need to glance at his watch to know he was late to his study session. The automated female voice sounded dull over the speakers, announcing his designated train was to depart in five minutes in a monotone attitude. Tokyo was a busy city with no mercy for those who didn’t plan every second of their future. That much was understandable by the aspiring teacher who quickly pulled out his outdated flip phone as he carefully eyed the assignments back in his possession.

A single tone rang before a drawl was heard in poor quality, with a shit–eating grin Tsumugi knew all too well.

“Tsumu, did you finally realize I don’t need your tutoring?” Settsu Banri mocked, the distinct background noises of his new video game obsession making Tsumugi speed walk even faster. With his books held tight against his chest, he sighed and almost pinched the bridge of his nose before realizing none of his hands were free. Placing the phone in between his shoulder and ear, Tsumugi rolled his eyes as he attempted to organize his mess.

“Banri-kun, please refer to me as Tsukioka-san. I am your senior by years, if I may remind you.” Tsumugi reprimanded, noting Banri’s agitated groan and muttered under his breath about the age difference between them. Unlike the other students Tsumugi tutored, Banri was defiant. Over–the–top, lazy, and arrogant—but deadly smart. Ever since Tsumugi carefully took off his shoes in the Settsus’ overpriced apartment, Banri took it upon himself to make his life a living hell by refusing to do the work but getting every question right. The only thing Banri cooperated with was talking about video games, which distracted him from his innate ability to be the best at everything. So on Friday afternoons, Tsumugi would visit to recap the weekly curriculum and try his best to stay patient with Banri’s snappy attitude.

“Why’d you call anyways? You’re late, by the way.” Banri pointed out right before Tsumugi fell through the two closing doors on the train, tumbling into a displeased but silent group as he gripped the overhead. Spectators only stared for a second before turning away as Tsumugi blushed under the attention, stammering back a half–assed apology of how he was going to be twenty minutes late for their session.

“Hold on, am I talking to the right person? Tsukioka Tsumugi, late? Real funny, just tell me you quit or something.” Banri feigned a bothered persona, but it was nice to pretend he was actually worried over the possibility of not seeing Tsumugi. Apologizing quickly to a corporate worker he bumped into, Tsumugi fixed the bag slung too low on his right shoulder as he took the phone back in his hand. At the same time, the zipper on his decade old bag gave out as it took his foot’s entire strength to keep the folders in place. Great, another thing to replace.

Staring outside the window, the school year was coming to a close as the heat of incoming summer air made him grip the phone in case of vicious sweat. “Banri–kun, you know I value our study sessions together.” He didn’t respond, just a resigned hmph before hanging up as Banri started swearing into his gaming headset. Tsumugi closed his eyes, getting his minutes of shut-eye for the first time in days as the sun glowed. Time didn’t stop for anyone, especially not Tsukioka Tsumugi.

After being greeted way too properly by the Settsu chain of servants, Tsumugi could hear the exaggerated game sound effects throughout the rather empty mansion. Walking carefully into Banri’s wide open door, Tsumugi grimaced at the sight of the energy drink cans crushed and thrown haphazardly near the trash can. Junk food wrappers were kicked underneath the expensive furniture as Banri was focused on his two–screen gaming setup. The rainbow LED keyboard was smashed expertly by Banri’s quick fingers all without looking down, getting him a #1 win as he boredly stared at the victory. As expected of NEO-san, a top league player. Or so Tsumugi’s heard by his other student, Taichi, who dramatically cries every time he loses against Banri.

“Banri-kun, please excuse my interruption.” Tsumugi announced, holding up the textbooks he had carried with a strained smile. Banri didn’t even look over as he logged off, saying something about GG to his teammate by the name of “Taruchi” before pushing the cat headset down around his neck. Spinning around in his black gamer chair, Banri raised one eyebrow at Tsumugi’s disheveled appearance panting slightly in the doorway. It was unlike his composed, proper tutor to be... like every young adult out there? Tsumugi didn’t seem like he had all the wisdom and knowledge in the world, he looked more... confused than anything.

“Geez, Tsumu. Didn’t think you’d sleep in, watched the meteor strike last night?” Banri smirked, rolling his chair across the room to his school desk as he put his legs up, stretching his arms beneath his head lazily. How he hadn't changed out of his white t-shirt and sweatpants was beyond Tsumugi as he sat in his normal chair silently, unlike the loud high schooler who glanced at the folder of work with a yawn. Grabbing some trendy bucket hat, Banri shoved the brim over his eyes as he took a break from the flashing neon blue light from his monitor.

“Meteor strike?” Tsumugi questioned innocently, attempting to hold conversation as Banri hummed a game soundtrack absentmindedly. Nodding, Banri pulled up his modern phone that made Tsumugi wince thinking of the price of that thing. Shoving the screen in front of Tsumugi’s wary red eyes, he blinked rapidly to adjust to the bright overpowering pixels. Tsumugi noticed an event marked that raved about the phenomenal light show the day before. Thinking back on the train incident this morning, Tsumugi remembered the excitement buzzing through the students a week prior as they whispered about a new chance to wear their best yukatas to celebrate. It had been so long since he was in school, that he completely forgot about all the childish euphoria that came with change.

“I must’ve slept through it. I didn’t notice at all.” Tsumugi admitted, tilting his head as he tried to remember the news every morning the past week. He couldn’t remember a single story of the astronomical event, although every day felt the same as usual. It was peculiar; Tsumugi was awake all night, too. He couldn’t sleep without his medication... maybe he should have looked up for once.

Taking his phone back to check the game notification popping up on screen, Banri chuckled as he shoved a stick of chocolate pocky in his mouth. “Mhmm, said it was a historical event n’ all. Supposed to be life-changing.” Banri offered bare minimum detail on anything and everything, but it was enough for Tsumugi to have a slight understanding as he set up the workspace. Banri noticed the distant look in Tsumugi’s eyes, the tiredness stifled underneath the graceful mannerisms as it looked like he was going through the motions. Attempting to lighten the mood, Banri’s voice came off meaner than he intended. “Aren’t you like? 25? How come you don’t know this stuff, you’re no boomer.”

Tsumugi frowned, glancing at Banri who looked away immediately with a flustered expression. Leave it to Banri to overthink whether or not he overstepped a boundary but refuse to acknowledge it. Tsumugi kept the meme going, sarcastically deadpanning, “Haha” before tossing a new eraser at Banri’s mushroom hair. Banri caught the gift in one hand easily as he slowly turned it over, turning his body to fully face his tutor. His feet dropped to the floor with a bang, startling Tsumugi to straighten his posture and stare directly into Banri’s curious face that had a glint of... concern?

“What’s all this? A gift to make me like you or something?” Banri jokes, nudging Tsumugi’s foot with his own. Tsumugi couldn’t help but notice the tight death grip Banri had on the small, game controller shaped eraser he had found at his full time work as a florist. Across the street was a one dollar convenience store, where teenage workers stood at the register on their phones as Tsumugi checked out the stationary. Wearing his dirt–stained apron, he remembered coming across miniature, adorable erasers that made him think of his students. Especially the red and blue Nintendo Switch joy con erasers that made Tsumugi think of Banri’s whole rant about the superiority of Fire Emblem: Three Houses’ Black Eagles for the potential wife girls. Sure, it was a hit on his already fragile bank account, but it was worth it to see Banri genuinely happy about something for once.

“You already do, I’m the longest tutor you’ve had.” Tsumugi didn’t need the thanks, because it was clear in the way Banri for once put something down without throwing it. Banri scoffed, mumbling a weak comeback as he flipped open his notebook. He even tossed his hat off his head, revealing the messy long hair tucked behind his ears. Oh, he did his homework for once, Tsumugi mused with satisfaction before trying to flip to the appropriate page in the school’s textbook. It was open to a section on meteors, and glossy colored pictures of the sky made Tsumugi’s eyes focus. The image seemed familiar. Perhaps he stared a moment too long, because Banri took the book himself and thumbed his way to the marked section, warily sparing a careful glance.

“Hey... you good? You don’t look... normal.” Banri roughly phrased, trying his best to emote like a normal human would. Tsumugi nodded, not convincing anyone he was off. Brushing his sweaty palms upon his jeans, Tsumugi pushed his hair back as he started reciting what he knew of the topic and reviewed the homework, failing to catch Banri’s attentive stare at Tsumugi’s cheap, hole-ridden pants and bag bursting at the seams.

Tsumugi went back on the same train. The people were the same, his schedule was the same. Banri was different today though, paid more attention today despite knowing it already. Maybe he just wanted to get it over with, probably some tournament tonight.

In the face of the orange sunset above the skyscrapers, Tsumugi walked home with a slow, natural pace that fit his time slot he allocated for transportation. The mental reminder allowed him to look up for once, seeing the birds fly together around the quieter part of the city as a golden haze reflected off the glass. Community members said their usual predictable greetings as he waved back, respectfully wishing good health to his elders and telling funny jokes to the youth playing sports. Yet, it didn’t bring him the fulfillment he got before when he was young. Being an adult, was tiring.

It was the same everyday, as Tsumugi left the residential area and climbed through the back alley to a slum part of town. Lights flickered as abandoned businesses creaked amidst the silence. He escaped the prying eyes of neighbors and unlocked the door to his dingy, unsafe apartment. Closing the door quietly, Tsumugi stared at the studio as silence overtook his surroundings. Dust floated in the golden hour as everything was where he exactly left it.

“Welcome home.” Tsumugi whispered, his own voice echoing in between his four walls. Alone, again. It was the same everyday.

Heating up the instant ramen expired in his cupboard, the microwave sparked every once in a while as Tsumugi leaned against the counter. Each surface he touched creaked with uncertainty, as if it didn’t know how long it could last. His one–room housing felt cramped despite the lack of furniture around Tsumugi. His run–down appliances, aged decor, and rising rent made the location even better as Tsumugi did the usual routine of eating half the calories he needed and staying up browsing job listings. This time, the ramen wasn’t as satisfying as the pastry Banri stuffed in his hand before he left.

“What’s this?” Tsumugi remembered asking, immediately feeling sick to his stomach once he saw Banri’s serious expression stare back at him. At the moment, it felt like Banri was his teacher. The sweet, strawberry mochi wrapped in plastic felt warm in his palm as Banri stood at the door of his own home, leading Tsumugi out with a gift.

“Mochi. You’re Japanese, dipshit. Just a thanks, I guess.” Banri bullshitted, rolling his eyes as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. Tsumugi noticed they began to fidget a little bit as Banri tapped his foot against the welcome mat. “School punk named Juza bakes or whatever, has a family business so thought you might like it. Or whatever.” Banri elaborated, using one hand to tug at the already loose v–neck collar of his week old t–shirt. Was that a blush Tsumugi saw on his rather indifferent student? No matter, it wasn’t his business to ask about a troublemaker turned pastry chef.

He’d make sure to thank his student next time he tutored him, which would be (Tsumugi checked the wall calendar disappointedly) next week. Banri was a good kid, even if he had his teenage angsty rebellion phase for a while now. Privileged kids liked doing that, pretending the whole world was against them despite having everything, Tsumugi thought bitterly. Even he was slightly surprised and caught off guard by his own pessimism, before the microwave beeped, signaling its task was done.

When Tsumugi tried to pull open the door, the handle snapped off and a quiet sigh escaped Tsumugi’s lips. Guess no dinner for tonight, then. Tsumugi didn’t have enough fight in him to care, so he dropped the handle onto the counter with a clatter. Inside this studio room, there was nothing for Tsumugi here. Not even his own food.

So, Tsumugi sat down on the couch that groaned beneath his weight. Except, it wasn’t his own body that made his sofa creak—it was the stack of papers needing to be graded in his arms. With a red pen tucked behind his ear, Tsumugi began marking his students’ work. A minute passed before Tsumugi quickly turned the television on, letting the sound of the news distract him from the unbearable loneliness.

Sure, it was going to increase his bills but... the money would be worth it to make his thoughts quiet for a moment. Tsumugi had a job to do, and he wouldn’t let his mindset get in the way. Being an adult was something else, indeed.

When had he fallen asleep?

Tsumugi blinked slowly, finding that his cheek was resting against a substantially smaller stack. Another pile that was distinctly red ink was on the other cushion, the pen without its cap rolled across the carpet. Tsumugi subconsciously winced when he realized the T.V. was on, the same channel on in the background.

Lifting his head, Tsumugi tried to comprehend the visual of the screen through his blurry vision. Tsumugi’s glasses must’ve dropped somewhere; he hoped he didn’t step on them. From what he could hear, the duo of news anchors were animatedly discussing some supernatural phenomenon tonight. Tsumugi rubbed his eyes, leaning closer to the small box screen ahead.

There was no way he possibly heard that correctly. Yet, there it was on the T.V.: “Historical Meteor Shower Tonight!” in big bold letters at the bottom. Tsumugi could remember Banri talking about something like this, but it had occurred last night. Was there another one? How common was it for two meteor showers within a span of mere hours? Sitting up, Tsumugi watched the pair talk about the light show.

“This is said to be the first event of its kind in Japan!” The host exclaimed, the screen switching to a picture of the meteors. A sense of familiarity struck Tsumugi once more, the same feeling when he had seen Banri’s textbook earlier that day. “It’s said to be life–changing—” The other one replied, Tsumugi’s wide eyes focused on every single passing word and image. Could deja vu possibly last this long?

As Tsumugi fumbled for his phone, he made his way out onto his balcony. Something inside him was telling him to get some air as Tsumugi dialed Banri’s number. Before Tsumugi could confirm the call, a bright light appeared out of the corner of his eye.

Tsumugi looked up to see two bright meteors splitting from one another. At the sight, Tsumugi’s phone landed upon the balcony floor.

#tsukioka tsumugi #tsumugi tsukioka #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #mankai a3!#mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #tsumugi x reader #a3! tsumugi #a3 tsumugi

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favoniuscodex · 3 years

Note

Hewwo I really love your writing and I want to improve my own to a form similar to yours. If it's okay, can I ask what your writing process is or if you have any writing tips? Sorry if you already answered questions like this. I am not a native speaker by the way, can i also ask about how you built your vocabulary as well? Thank you very much in advance and I hope you're having a great day/night! Drink lots of water and don't forget to eat three meals a day.~

hello, anon! you’re actually the first to ask about something like this and i’m honored you think my writing is good enough for me to give advice on (and honored that you think it’s good enough to take inspiration from!).

i have two different writing methods, which are as follows:

long fics (10k+ words)

i write an outline and have my friends look over it to make sure that the scenes are both impactful and enjoyable, along with being organized. the most important part of writing a long story is making sure the timeline is coherent and that you have proper buildup to the climax of the story.

before i write a scene that contains foreshadowing to a future event, i write down what themes i wish to convey with this scene, along with any future information that will be relevant later in the story. this is helpful because you never write something all at once if it’s this long! you might forget important details, so having notes is always nice.

if i’m hesitant on writing a scene, i’ll talk it out with some of my friends and see if i’m still comfortable with writing it.

one of the biggest things i can recommend is being adaptable! being willing to change your story plans is crucial, because (typically) the first idea you think of isn’t always the best one. in my own experience, i change my ideas a lot as i write something. this is because i will get bored writing otherwise.

this is from my own experience, other writers may disagree, but i NEVER set word count goals for myself. i write when i want to write, otherwise i will get discouraged when i do not meet said goals.

take breaks or you will hit burnout fast!

have a glass of water and set a timer every 15 minutes to relax your eyes from your screen and drink some of it. it gives your mind a chance to soothe itself from the bright lights of a screen and also gives you a short break. and you stay hydrated!

short fics (<10k words)

when i write short fics, i typically don’t have an outline (unless if it’s a series) and i just go with my gut

if i don’t really like where a story’s going and i know it’s short, i finish it anyways because a finished product is better than giving up in my eyes? at least i know what not to do next time!

sorry a lot of these tips don’t pertain to actual writing! they relate more to planning. :( i’ve been writing stories for fun since i was 6 or 7 (i have journals upon journals of my first stories in my basement!) so most of what i do is just... gut instinct at this point? i apologize if that’s not very helpful of me to say. ;.; i don’t think of myself as very talented but like... i wish to say this in case it happens: please don’t compare your writing to mine! i’m sure your writing is lovely in its own right.

now that that’s said, here’s some stuff i can actually help with, which is under the cut because this is getting long:

word choice / vocabulary

first off, the best thing you can do for yourself is read something complex. like... the type of book where you have to pull out your phone and look up what words mean. if you’re not exposing yourself to new words, even if it is annoying to have to pause, you won’t learn new words.

this typically means ditching the fanfics and looking for actual published novels, typically older ones. i love fanfics (i write them lol), but the word choice in fanfics is typically limited to casual conversational language as they are written for fun, not necessarily to challenge the mind.

next, the best thing you can do is use a thesaurus. i personally use thesaurus.com but it’s different for everyone! but this is dangerous. using a thesaurus can be one of the worst things you can do for your writing if you don’t use it properly. you use a thesaurus to get synonyms for words that are commonly used, but may have a lot of other alternatives (i.e. happy, sad, etc.) and NOT super specific words.

ONLY use words listed as synonyms in a thesaurus if you know them and it’s safe to assume your readers likely know them as well! for example, i used the word ‘insouciant’ as a joke in my last fic. however, if i used that seriously, that probably would’ve been bad as it’s a SUPER rare word. nothing will ruin a reader’s experience faster than a story that blatantly uses too many words from a thesaurus and, worst of all, uses them improperly.

let me give an example:

starting text: “she was happy to see that he had returned safely. she could see relief in his eyes that she was safe as well. he smiled happily at her as she ran into his arms.” this is good enough, but it’s rather plain. it’s an easy read, but nothing about it is super engrossing.

good thesaurus example: “she was overjoyed to see that he had returned without harm. she identified relief in his eyes that she had stayed out of harm’s way as well. he smiled enthusiastically at her as she sprinted into his embrace.” it sounds a lot nicer before and definitely more polished, but nothing about this requires someone to whip out their phone in frustration to google a word. the point of typical writing is not to challenge your reader’s intelligence but to entertain them.

bad thesaurus example: “she was jocular to perceive that he had reappeared in an unharmed manner. she prognosticated solace in his blue orbs that she was guarded as well. he smiled jovially at her as she charged into his forelimbs.” this is a bit of an exaggerated example, but this is actually how i feel some authors tend to write. it’s very blatantly using a thesaurus, it uses words incorrectly, and it overcomplicated things to where it feels like the reader has to do a mental exercise to read it.

tl;dr for this section: if you don’t know a word, do not use it. if you are familiar with a word, it’s probably good to use as long as your writing still seems natural. thesauruses are your friend but can be your enemy.

i would like to clarify that i am a native speaker and it’s not necessary to read books forever in order to keep your grammar and word choice up to date. i have not picked up an actual published book within the last 4 years (don’t laugh at me i know this is bad). however, in learning to expand your grammar, reading books is essential.

some miscellaneous writing tips i have include:

you don’t have to take every request that comes within your inbox if you do decide to do tumblr writing. i probably, much to the behest of the people that submit, throw a good chunk of my requests out. write what you’re passionate about and your writing will improve and your followers will be happier.

if someone criticizes your writing, this does not mean they’re trying to criticize you (usually. don’t go on twitter if you want this to remain true). they are providing something most people don’t want to offer: advice. many times you will find yourself surrounded by people who will applaud you for writing nearly anything. this is not good. living in an echo chamber will ensure that your writing never improves. you want to ask people for advice and find those who will give you genuine advice, even if it may hurt to hear.

try to discern what authors you like do with their writing versus authors you don’t like. consciously making these comparisons will allow you to directly apply them to your own writing and help you emulate someone’s style as well.

please don’t write meme references into your work. it will get outdated fast. try to write something you can look back on within a few years and not cringe at. :) this is just my personal opinion lol, someone might disagree.

i do not proofread my writing. it makes me second guess everything. everything on my blog, as you see it, lacks proofreading, aside from inheritance, in which i had a beta reader glance over it. for beginner writers, this is probably shit advice if you’re not used to grammar BUT that’s just how i roll and i wished to share that.

the most important thing i do for my writing is have a good music playlist in the background. NOTHING will make you write better than listening to music that fits the mood of what you’re writing. find a premade youtube playlist or slap together a spotify playlist of songs you think fit the mood and get grooving to it. you’ll find that you’ll write better and you’ll enjoy the process of writing much more with the mental stimulus.

don’t write jokes in which you have to overexplain them. if you have to explain to the reader what the joke is, it won’t be funny. humor is difficult to write, but no jokes involved are better than a bunch of failed ones.

don’t worry about pinpointing fanfic characterization of a specific character perfectly. i get praises for my characterization of diluc and kaeya within inheritance a lot, even though i specifically altered them from canon (??????? this confuses me a lot that i get praised for this but anyways) and haven’t even read the webtoon. as long as it’s within reasonable expectation, you should be fine. zhongli shouldn’t be written as going off the walls crazy with excitement just like venti shouldn’t be written as super serious about frivolous matters. as long as you get the general gist of a character, people will enjoy it.

try to find some writer friends. they don’t necessarily have to be in the fandom, but being able to shoot off ideas with other people is amazing at improving both your plot and your writing overall. (shoutout to @shannara because for as much as i annoy him, he’s always willing to listen to me blab about any story and any idea, even though he doesn’t read reader-inserts nor should he care about my dumb OCs, but he cares about mine because he’s a cool dude)

don’t get discouraged if a fic doesn’t get good reception. in fact, it’s probably better if your first few fics don’t blow up in popularity if you do post them because it’s humbling and you can decide if you’re actually writing because you enjoy it or if you’re just doing it for clout.

i hope this made sense and if you (or any other people reading this!) need any more writing advice, my ask box and DMs are always open. if you ever want me to beta read something, please send a DM and i’ll see if i can as long as it’s like... not super long and i have spare time.

sorry this turned out to be so long but it turns out i had far more to say than i thought! good luck writing and i believe in you!

#long post #mail #advice #i hope this helped? i'm not very good at this sort of thing.#Anonymous

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vember-v · 3 years

Text

H.2.L (maybe outdated)

Chapter 1: Outside

Next Chapter: Chapter 2

abomination... abomination... you. Are. Abomination. ABOMINATION!

"HAX! WAKE UP!" A Papyrus shouted.

A Sans opens his eyes and saw a Papyrus shaking him. The Sans named Hax stops Papyrus from shaking him by putting both his hands on his'

"SUSSY BAKA." 202 replied with a smirk.

"I'm awake! I'm awake! What seems to be a problem 202?" The Sans asked.

The Papyrus named 202 smiles like he's about to make a joke.

"C'mon bro, can't keep up the joke?." 202 asked.

Hax stands up, inhale and exhale.

"STOP SAYING ABOUT AMOGUS!! I'M TIRED OF HEARING IT! MY FRIENDS ON TWITTER SEND ME MEMES, ON DISCORD IT'S FU-"

"Jesus dude, you're so cringe right now. I'm gonna die from you." 202 Said

"Die from me? Got it." Hax said.

Hax's right palm glitches and a desert eagle sticks on the palm. He pointed at 202 but he blocks it away.

"Don't take a joke seriously." 202 said as he knew Hax would pull out his favorite 'animal'.

"Sorry."

"I wake you up because it's currently 3:40 in the afternoon. You sleep long enough, bro." he said

Hax notices 202 is walking away “Hey, where are you going?”

“I got some UNO fight with somebody, not done with them yet.” 202 said.

“Okay uhh... Have fun!” He said.

Once 202 is nowhere to be seen. Hax looks around, the place he is living in is an empty white world with damaged buildings, white fires, glitches, and floating objects. Feels like he is living in a void with damaged things. It's not so bad, right? Hax begins walkings. Walking down a street, he sees a lot of people using consoles, codes, things you use to program to reconstruct damaged and glitched buildings. Most of them are entities, strangers, some maybe humans. Another day in a surreal world.

"Maybe visiting Luciel would help the mood." He thought and teleports to a nearby bar.

"Ah, Luciel's BARing"

He opens the door as he hears a bell on top of the door ring. Many people sit on chairs talking to each other. Hax sits on a bar chair. A female bartender cleaning her glasses looks at Hax.

"Ay, what whaddup doc Luciel?" He greets the bartender.

"Oh, it's YOU." Luciel greets him back.

"Gee, that's rough, don't you have any better words to say?" Hax asked

"Don't you know it's rude to ruin my bar last week?" She answered his question with another question.

"You know, the one where you got into a fight and damaged my bar?"

"Okay let's not carry that away. I'm sorry alright?" He asked then put his head on the table.

"Well, I guess I can forgive your recklessness. You're a bit... odd today, Hax." She said

"Don't know what you're talking about, doc. It's just another boring day." Hax said

Hax has been sitting there for hours till the sky is starting to look like a sunset. There is no sun, the sky is just starting to become like that. People in the bar begin leaving until there's only Hax and Luciel staying in the bar. Luciel cleans the drinking glasses while Hax is still on the table, still putting his head on the table... Luciel looks at him for a brief moment before finish cleaning a wine glass. After another glass bites the clean, she walks up to Hax.

"Hax?" She asked

Hax answers with a thumbs up.

"How about we look at some stars? Maybe that'll help your mood since you love gazing at them." Luciel said.

He looks up. "Outside?"

Luciel shakes her head "Nuh-uh, outside of this world."

Hax thinks for a moment then gets off the chair.

"Then, I'll wait for you to change." He said and walks out of the bar.

Once he got out and hears the bell rings once again. He looks up and sees that the sky has completely become pitch black, like a void but at least snows are falling, lights are glowing from the houses, streets, and parks and some stars are hovering in the sky. He looks down looking at his hands which have holes in them, he referred to his hands as "Hen hands". He wonders... how is he alive? Can he remember the past? His past life? Who is his family? Sure, 202 is his brother but... how? Who made him? Who's their mother? Or father? He just knows he woke up in someplace and 202 is there.

His thoughts get interrupted when he hears the bell on top of the bar's door ring. Luciel finally comes out of her bar, wearing a black turtleneck shirt, a white lab coat that goes down to her shoes, and long black pants instead of her bartender outfit.

"I don't understand why are you taller than me." He said.

"You got problems with that?" She asked.

"Yes, aren't men supposed to be taller than women?" Hax asked.

"... That is the dumbest question I've ever heard in my life, Hax. No, Not all men are taller than women," Luciel answered his question.

She offers him to hold hands. Hax hesitates but accepts her request. She raises her arm straight and stretches her palm. She creates a portal. The two go into it.

LOCATION: LANDSCAPE - 8:32 PM

Hax and Luciel go out of the portal and has arrived at their destination, a landscape. Hax is shaking relentlessly. She notices and puts her arms on his shoulders.

"You okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, haven't get used to the whole portal feeling thing," Hax answered.

Luciel messages Hax's back just to calm him down. Once he stops shaking, she stops messaging.

Hax looks at her. "You know, you don't have to massage me, it's weird."

She pulls Hax's hand to follow her. "In a good way or, a bad way?"

"What if both?" He asked

Luciel turns around and boop his none existence nose. "Then I'll keep comfort you by massaging your back." She smiled.

"Is this your way of comforting a friend?" He asked.

She chuckles and lets out a smirk. "Yes."

After the conversation, they walk, and walk, and walk as they look at the stars in the sky. As a star person, Hax couldn't help but rushed to a bridge to get a clear look at the stars. Once he is on the bridge, he didn’t expect not only to see billions of stars, but also billions of galaxies, cosmics, and universes floating around in a giant dark void.

"Woah..." Hax said in awe.

Luciel walks up to him and places her hand on his shoulder "Woah indeed."

"Where are..." He tried to ask her properly but looking at universes and stars in the sky, he can't say.

"This is the multiverse, my friend. Every star has living things in it."

Hax couldn't believe it. "I know I have visited some AUs but... I've never seen the multiverse or the outside of universes this close and personal. So many stars, galaxies, cosmics, universes... so many beauties. You know, I was expecting you to show me stars outside of our world but this... this is better. Thanks."

"No problem, dude." She said

Luciel pulls out a cigarettes box and a lighter, she took out a cigarette from the box and lights it up with the lighter. Then she vibes with the cigarette in her mouth. Suddenly, Hax takes her cigarette from her mouth and begins smoking. He smirks at her.

Luciel raises an eyebrow. "Don't you think that's a bit rude?"

Hax takes off the cigarette, drops and squashes it removing the flame on the tip of it "You smoke? I don't."

"Unfunny didn't laugh but please, don't waste my cigarettes." She said

Luciel takes out a cigarette and lights up again. They just look at the stars while walking down the bridge.

"London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down~. London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady~." He sang happily.

"You know Hax, London Bridge Is Falling Down is a dark song..." Luciel said, giving Hax a bit of knowledge of the song.

"How is it dark? It's just a catchy song!" He said, not believing that the song is dark.

"The song is about vikings attacking London in the early 1000's, but that is just a legend. The real message behind the song is actually about a human sacrifice. At the time of the bridge's construction, it is believed that the spirits of the dead are behind the walls of the bridge because constructors think that burying bodies in the foundation of the buildings was a fine way to keep the structure standing. Imagine, starving to death in those walls. Watching those who pass through the bridge without noticing you trying to catch their attention" She explained.

The more Hax thinks about it, the more he gets his mood ruined by Luciel. "Thanks for ruining my mood, Luciel..."

"Let's face it, England has a very dark history." She said.

"You could have stopped me from continuing the song but you decide to bring that sh-t up, thanks a lot I really appreciate it." Hax said in a sacarsm tone.

"Your welcome." She smiled.

"I wonder what happens next..." The skeleton said as he continues to look at it.

They still walking and past the bridge. Another day passed...

Unknowingly, someone is watching them. A skeleton with a half-black, and half-white face. He looks at the multiverse.

#h2l #202 #hax #luciel

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takadasaiko · 4 years

Note

For the h/c meme: Logan/Veronica h and s please and thank you

FFN II AO3

Summary: When one of Veronica's cases follows her home, it's Logan's life that's put in danger.

Requested Prompt: H+S Stabbed + Someone catches them as they stumble

Worth the Pain

He was running late. The test flights had gone a little longer than usual that day and he'd gotten on the road just in time to find the rest of the traffic heading northbound on the PCH. His commute back to Neptune - usually just over an hour - turned into a two hour affair, and he was starting to count even that as lucky with the way they had come to a complete standstill at one point. He had sent Veronica an update via text and she'd said they would just meet him at Mama Leone's.

Right. Dinner with Keith. Of course that would be tonight.

It was everything Logan could do to get home, get changed - as little as Veronica would complain about him showing up in uniform, Navy whites and pasta did not mix - and get over to the restaurant before the texts started rolling in.

Veronica and Keith were deep in discussion when Logan arrived, dodging a couple of kids that darted back around like they were looking to score points if they took his feet out from under him. He stayed upright though, and sidestepped towards the table in the back corner where the father-daughter PI duo were tucked away. Veronica glanced up. "Hey there, flyboy. I was starting to think you weren't gonna make it."

"Sorry. Long day." He leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head. Less than he wanted, but he could already feel another set of eyes focused on him with a comment loaded if not fired yet. He flashed their owner a quick smile. "Hey, Keith."

"Logan," Keith greeted. "What had you so tied up today?"

"You heard about the issues the Hornets have had with OBOGS going out?" Logan asked as he slipped into the open seat next to Veronica, across from her father. "We've been trying to pinpoint what's causing it."

"Oh sure, we were just chatting about OBOGS, weren't we, Dad? Daily conversation," Veronica quipped with that very specific smile he had quickly learned meant he was using Navy lingo no one else in the conversation knew.

"On-Board Oxygen Generation System. It pumps oxygen in through our masks so we can breathe. Thanks," he offered to the waitress as she set a basket of breadsticks down.

"What happens when it goes out?" Keith asked curiously.

Logan took a sip from the glass of wine that had been waiting for him. "Best case, you get switched over to the backup and can get on the ground pretty fast. You've got maybe ten minutes before the backup runs out."

Keith's expressions remained carefully neutral and Logan risked a glance over at Veronica who was gaping a little. She recovered quickly. "You know, I never want to hear you complain about how dangerous my job is again."

Logan chuckled. "C'mon. It's not that bad at this stage. It's controlled, every precaution taken. The engineers are trying to fix the multi-million dollar aircraft, not have us crash it."

"Have you been able to replicate the problem?" Keith asked.

"Not yet. It's been smooth flying every time." He reached for a bread stick. Time for a change of subject. "So, why am I calling your job dangerous today?"

"Today, any day," Veronica answered flippantly.

Logan arched a disbelieving eyebrow in response. "Huh-huh."

The conversation shifted again and he let it as they settled into easier topics of baseball, cameras, a particularly absurd stunt Vinnie Van Lowe pulled, weekend plans, and the newest non-chewable chew toy that Pony had gotten into.

"He ate Logan's fancy loafers," Veronica chuckled, still far more amused by it than Logan was. "The ones that cost almost as much as our rent."

"I swear that dog is learning to open doors. There's a reason I like to hang my uniforms up on the highest bars in the closet."

"I think your cap's safe on the shelf."

"I wouldn't put money on it."

"How fast would he become my dog instead of our dog to your captain if Pony got a hold of it?"

Logan flashed her a grin. "So fast."

"Excuse me," Keith mumbled and Logan saw him pulling his buzzing cell phone to his ear as he stood, leaning heavily on the cane he had had to use since the wreck. He mentally cringed at the word. Wreck didn't do it justice. Drive-by with a vehicle was closer, and who was ultimately responsible for it was actually something Logan would be willing to put money on, unlike the safety of his uniform from the chew-happy puppy. He just hoped that Neptune remembered all the shit Lamb had done by the time the election rolled around.

"So does it take the sheriff nearly twelve hours to follow up on every B&E or are we just special?" Keith groused into the phone, reclaiming Logan's attention. Think of the devil and apparently he calls.

"B&E?" he echoed. "Did your dad's place get broken into?"

"The office."

Logan blinked hard a couple of times. "Your office?"

"Yep." Veronica took a long sip from her wine glass and he waited as patiently as he could. Finally she set it down, the glass clinking against the hard table. He saw the subtle shift when she realized he wasn't going to just let her drop it. "We got in this morning and the place was ransacked. Door was broken in, Mac's monitors were trashed, and the filing cabinets had been forced open."

"You think it was someone you're after?" Logan asked, working hard to keep his tone neutral.

"Probably."

"Any idea which case?"

She shot him a look and he knew he'd already pushed it into dangerous territory. It was a delicate balance with their work. While Logan was on shore duty there weren't nearly as many secrets, but overseas he had to stay tight lipped about where they were and what they were doing. On Veronica's end, confidentiality was a must in her day-to-day work life. He understood that and worked hard not to push. Sometimes she'd vent in a vague sort of way without names or details, but mostly they erred on a respect for the confidentiality of each other's work.

Granted, his work only had people attacking him when he was deployed.

"I'm not asking for names," he said after several long, tense moments. "Just…. do you have any suspects?"

"I do."

"And?"

"Well it's not like we can arrest him ourselves," Veronica huffed and Logan reached across the table for the wine bottle to refill her nearly empty glass. She motioned for him to keep pouring and sighed. "We had a woman come in a couple of days ago. Abuse case." He knew he made a face, but if hers was anything to go by it wasn't nearly as toned down as he'd hoped. "She wanted to file a restraining order, we started gathering some evidence to back it up, hopefully get him arrested… I guess he spotted us."

Us meaning her. Her father didn't do a lot of tailing these days.

"Does he know who you are?"

"Obviously he knew where to find us."

"I mean, on sight."

"I don't know. I can usually tell when someone catches me tailing them, but he didn't show any of the usual signs. It's gotta be him though. Dad's been trying to get in touch with the sheriff's department over it all day."

"Useless assholes," Logan breathed, risking a glance at how Keith was pacing as best as he could on the phone with Lamb's office.

"Yeah."

His gaze swiveled back to her and he reached forward, his touch hesitant against her hand, but a sense of relief flooded through him as she turned it over, taking his. He ran his thumb up and down the inside of her wrist in a soothing motion. This was the best opening he had. "Hey, I know you hate it when I -"

"Oh, you know I do."

He stopped, smirked, and waited until her lips twitched into a small smile before he continued. "I know a guy that can install top-line security. I know you guys have cameras, but they're outdated, don't give a clear image. Brian can get new ones hooked up with an alarm system and -"

"We don't have it in the budget."

"Then let me do it."

Her lips quirked up devilishly. "Oh, you're going to hook it up?"

And it was his turn to shoot her a withering look. "Let me pay for it."

"Logan…."

"Please?" He held her gaze, stuck in a battle of wills with one of the most stubborn human beings he'd ever met.

"When's that election again?" Keith groused as he limped his way back towards his seat, unintentionally interrupting the stare-off. He seemed to notice that he had as he slid back into his seat. "What's wrong?"

Fine. She could be stubborn, so could he. "Office or our place, your call," Logan directed at Veronica and saw her stiffen a little at that.

"We don't need a security system at our place."

"What about the drunk Spring Breaker that just about broke down our door last year because he thought it was the place he'd rented?"

"That was one time."

"You're right. I think your office would benefit more from it, but hey, I don't get to make calls on that because I don't work there. I do live at our apartment, so….."

"You're an asshole."

There was less spite in her tone than the words themselves might have indicated and Logan smirked. He turned his attention to Keith as the waitress delivered their food. "Veronica mentioned you guys had a break in. I know a guy that does topnotch security for very reasonable rates."

"Very reasonable when you pay for it," she grumbled and he ignored her.

"It's not like the sheriff's department would respond even if an alarm were to go off at our office," Keith answered with a shrug, digging into his risotto.

"See?" Veronica pressed and Logan kept his focus on her father.

"Still, that alarm'll scare most thugs off from ransacking the place."

"Logan, while I appreciate -"

"Can we just focus on dinner?"

The snap caught him more off guard than he would have liked and Logan glanced over at the woman he loved. She was stressed. From the day, from the case, and from the conversation that they were in right then. Okay. He couldn't fix the first two, but the third he could handle.

"Yeah. Sure." He managed what he thought was a pretty convincing smile. "So, Riles tells me he thinks he can snag some Padres tickets next weekend. Anybody in?"

And that was that. The Mars clan was a stubborn one, and despite Veronica's affections, he was still somewhat on the outside of it. Any offer to contribute was still seen as charity, even if he just wanted to see the people he cared about safe.

------------

Logan resisted the urge to ask about the case or push his opinion on Mars Investigations' dated security for the rest of dinner. Veronica did her best to pretend everything was normal, but Keith remained distant and irritable the entire meal. He paid for them and Logan bit his tongue, thanking him instead and said he'd give Riley the green light on the tickets.

He felt the long day and the evening weighing on him as they returned home, cleaned up the newest mess Pony had left of what looked like had been one of Veronica's scarves, and took him out. He wasn't the only one, though, and he circled around Veronica as she stripped her shirt over her head to start getting ready for bed. His touch was gentle and he pressed a kiss to the side of her head. She sighed, but leaned back and he took the invitation to let his kisses start to travel down to the crook of her neck, the apology for making her day even harder in each one. Finally she turned, draping her arms over his shoulders and her fingers teased at his hair. Those clear blue eyes pulled him in and her smile didn't look nearly as forced as it had been all evening. "Hey."

"Hey yourself," he answered softly and she tilted back, letting her hands slide across his shoulders and down his chest until her fingers wrapped in the fabric of his shirt. As she fell back against the bed, she pulled him with her. He leaned in to kiss her and she wrapped her legs around his middle. Logan braced himself with a hand on either side of her shoulders and he could feel her fingers pulling at his shirt, working at the buttons in a way that made him think they weren't going to last long. He smiled into the kiss and deepened it.

A loud pounding at the door startled them both out of their moment. Veronica released him reluctantly and started for her discarded shirt.

"I got it," Logan offered and received a pointed look for it. He held his hands up in mock surrender. "Out of the two of us, which one is still dressed?" He started down the hall before she could argue the logic.

"If it's that idiot from next door tell him he's never allowed to borrow our vacuum again after last time!" Veronica shouted after him and Logan felt his lips quirk up at that.

He reached the end of the hall to get his first look at the figure outside. He was hidden under a baggy windbreaker and a baseball cap, but it could be a guy that lived several units down. Martin? Marty maybe? Something. He'd caught a couple waves with him one early Saturday morning several weeks back. This guy was definitely tall enough.

Logan pried the door open a crack. "Hey, man—"

The figure finally looked up, giving Logan the first clear view of his face. Definitely not Marty. "Where is she?"

"I think you have the wrong apartment," Logan tried, watching the other man carefully. He was twitchy and aggravated like he was hyped up on something. Logan had been in a lot of fights over the years, but these days he liked to think that he knew the ones to avoid. Strangers showing up tripped out on something? Not a gamble he was interested in taking on his own porch.

"That bitch Mars! She thinks she can wreck my marriage?" he howled and tried to push past Logan into the apartment.

Logan shoved back, ready to slam the door in his face, but the would-be intruder didn't stumble as far as he'd hoped and swiped back at him. It felt like a punch to the gut and he loosed a frustrated breath. Okay. Apparently there was no avoiding it.

The intruder stepped back and Logan blinked hard as his eyes focused on the knife in his hand and he risked a glance down to his white dress shirt that was quickly turning red just below his ribs. Shit.

"Logan, move!" Veronica shouted and he turned to find her standing behind him, his Colt .45 in her surprisingly steady hands, and a determined look aimed directly at their assailant. He stumbled back to give her a chance to level the weapon for a clear shot if she needed it. Time to find out if that weapons training she had taken had taught her anything. "Cops are on their way. Don't—"

He moved and the shot went off, sending the man crumbling onto their front porch. Logan stared at him for half a beat, adrenaline still pumping hard, and turned back to see Veronica frozen in place. "Hey," he said softly. "You're okay. We're okay."

"He's the one that broke into our office. He was harassing his ex wife. How did he…?" She trailed off, her gaze fixing on him and she paled. "Logan?"

He glanced down and grimaced. Right. Amazing how singularly focused the brain could be in these situations. All at once he felt the adrenaline dissipate and everything pulsed dangerously. Veronica's arms were around him and she was doing her best to ease the inevitable drop to the floor so he could lean against the side of the couch. She stayed down there with him, fingers pulling his shirt away from the injury and he didn't like the barely contained panic etched onto her face. "Veronica," he breathed, her name coming out quieter than he'd intended.

"They're sending an ambulance too," she managed, her own voice trembling. "Okay. Just…" The pain spiked as she put pressure on the bleeding wound and the room pulsed again. "This was my case and he…" She squeezed her eyes closed and he saw tears escape. "I'm so sorry, Logan. I'm so sorry. You're going to be okay. I'm going to make sure you're okay."

He wasn't going to be conscious for long and she was spiraling. The last thing he wanted was for her to blame herself. He reached up clumsily, looking for her hand. "Hey. Not your fault."

She looked up at him and he could see the angry tears in her eyes, but he felt her free hand tighten around his. "You're going to be okay."

"I know."

"Logan?"

He swallowed hard, trying to force the response out, but he felt himself slipping under, Veronica's face fading slowly to black.

----------

He had clips of memories, fractured and scattered. Voices that he didn't recognize. Someone pushing something down over his nose and mouth, but air flowing easier once he stopped fighting it. Veronica's face. Those eyes. They were like an anchor against the riptide trying to drag him away from her.

Come back to me.

Always.

Logan came back to consciousness in what felt like disjointed steps, much like losing it. He wasn't even sure how many times he came back around or if every time that sterile smell filled his nose, the too-bright lights made him wince and want to go back to sleep, or the chill that couldn't be helped even by the thin blanket draped over his legs just felt like the first time. He finally pried his eyes open to find Veronica asleep in the chair next to his bed, bent at an awkward angle with her head resting on the thin mattress. Logan found his lips curling up ever so slightly as he flexed his fingers to find her hand holding onto his.

She stirred at the movement, mumbling sleepily and he squeezed her fingers in his. Veronica popped up with that, none of the stiffness she might have felt at the awkward sleeping arrangement showing as she flashed him a relieved smile. "Hey. You're awake."

His lips parted to answer, dry and cracking from the ventilator they must have had him on, and he found his throat equally rebellious. He had to clear his throat to force any sound out, and decided on important rather than direct response. "Love you," he rasped.

Her smile only broadened at that and she pulled his hand up to her lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. "How are you feeling?"

"'kay." Logan could feel himself fading already and he wasn't ready for that. He shifted a little and while the movement brought some pain - distant and certainly a survivable amount - it brought a little more focus with it too. He let his gaze drift over her from her rumpled t-shirt to the bags under her eyes and the messy ponytail she had her hair pulled back in. He swallowed hard to try his luck at coherent words again. "You been home?"

"Once. Caught a quick shower, made sure Pony knew we didn't abandon him. Mac took him to her place last night. Fair warning: we may never see our dog again."

He snorted a soft laugh and caught her gaze. Thankfully she seemed to understand the question even if he couldn't quite get it out. "Sneider - the guy that stabbed you - died. Lamb's had a field day with that."

Okay, that warranted a real attempt at speech. "He trying to get you on murder?"

"It's like you've dealt with a Lamb or something."

The sound he made this time was decidedly less amused than his response to her last joke. Between the two brothers they had managed to wrongfully accuse him of murder three times. Hard to forget.

"I guess you don't remember waking up when I was down at the station, huh?" He shook his head. "Dad said they gave him hell when he tried to get in to sit with you. Kept saying that he wasn't family so he couldn't come in. Apparently he got them told."

Logan frowned a little, drawing a blank where he knew he shouldn't. Maybe they had pushed another dose of painkillers or something. "Told what?"

"That you're family."

"Must have been a riot," he huffed.

Veronica looked confused for a moment. Then something seemed to click and he watched a lopsided smile tug into place. "You know, my dad has tells. They're tiny, easy to miss, but I know every one at this point, even when he's just telling the story." She reached forward, her touch gentle but firm as she made sure he was looking at her. "He meant it. Not sure when you won him over, but I think you finally did."

"Guess ya gotta keep me, huh?"

"Planning on it," Veronica said, her voice wavering just a little. "Just don't you leave me."

"Not going anywhere. 'Cept maybe to sleep," he mumbled, feeling his eyelids drooping.

"I'll be right here when you wake up."

She started to sit back in the chair and he made a small, irritable sound at that and reached up clumsily to catch her wrist. "You're tiny. You'll fit."

"On the bed?" He nodded. "Logan, I don't want to hurt you…."

"You won't."

She sniffed and he cracked an eye he hadn't realized had slid closed back open to find her staring back at him through frustrated tears. "This is my —"

"No," he cut her off. "You saved my life, just like you alway do." Logan tugged as hard as he could manage, which wasn't saying much at the moment. Her laugh was soft as she finally crawled onto the bed, able to fit when she laid on her side and an arm wrapped around his rather than draped over his middle. He settled back against his pillows with a satisfied smile. "See? Pint sized."

"Sure you're okay?"

He made a small sound of acknowledgement. Loving Veronica Mars would always be dangerous - sometimes for her, sometimes for him, and sometimes for them both. That had become clear a long time ago, but if it meant being close to her, if it meant spending the rest of his life with her, he had learned that any amount of pain was survivable because they came back to each other in the end. Always.

#Veronica Mars #Logan Echolls #VM fan fiction #VMfanfic #elizabethkween

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thiswasinevitableid · 4 years

Note

#69 with danbrey?

#69 Danbrey: I’m a famous celeb and you’ve been dragging me on social media with really funny memes/come backs, so I’ve come to surprise you in person on the set of your first interview about the interactions that have made you an internet sensation. SFW

Aubrey bounces her legs with jittery excitement; she’s going to be on T.V! Real T.V! Chicanery is a show that knows how to take someone’s fifteen minutes of fame and double it, segments and interviews always going viral, and Aubrey cannot wait to see what happens.

“This is so cool” she mouths to her friend Duck, who came with her as support (though she really wishes he’d stop making goo-goo eyes at that one camera-guy and focus).

“Ah, Ms. Little, wonderful to make your acquaintance.” Ned Chicane enters the set, voice booming and teeth gleaming, takes a seat behind his desk, “now, don’t be nervous my dear, just follow my lead and try to forget the cameras are there.”

“I’ll do my best!”

“Thirty seconds Mr. Chicane!” Kirby, the assistant director, waves the stragglers of the crew out of the way.

Aubrey holds her breath as Kirby counts down, forces out a breath as Ned starts talking.

“Welcome back, esteemed viewers! Here in the studio with me is Aubrey Little, who you may know better as Lady Flame on Twitter and Instagram. Now, Aubrey, you’ve had several tweets that have gone viral in response to Dani Coulice, a voice actor on the hit animated series Northwoods. Buzzfeed has featured them as some of the best tweets of the year.”

“Um, that’s cool, but it’s like March.”

“Tell as bit about how you got started in your back and forth with Ms. Coulice.”

“Um, well, she was insisting that a joke on Northwoods that was SUPER gross was fine and I just kept responding to her with that ‘sure, Jan’ gif from the Brady Bunch. I guess people thought it was funny.” She shrugs.

“Yes, they certainly did. But I wonder what our next guest has to say on the matter.”

Aubrey watches as a blonde woman in a bright green and gold sun-dress crosses onto the stage. She’s breathtaking, even if her smile is well-rehearsed.

“Um, who is this?”

Ned turns, raising an eyebrow, and the woman’s smile twitches.

“This is Dani Coulice.”

Aubrey has a pet rabbit. Said rabbit once got stuck in a tanktop and froze, as if staying still would keep him safe from the mysterious force gripping him. When Aubrey tried to dislodge him, he shrieked in alarm. That’s basically how Aubrey feels right now.

She should say something clever, or show that she’s okay with the goof or at least isn’t afraid of it.

“No one told me she was cute!”

She can hear Duck smacking his forehead from across the room.

“Why? Does the fact I’m cute change anything about my work?” Dani gracefully sits down, smiling at both of them.

“No! I, um, I was just surprised. This is all a surprise.”

“When it comes to fame, you have to be ready for anything.” Dani says mildly.

“This barely even counts as fame! My memes will be outdated in like a week and everyone will be talking about, like, a chinchilla in a cowboy hat or something.”

Dani snickers, “sorry, that’s just a funny image.”

“God I wish I were a chinchilla right now.”

“Did you mean to say that out loud?”

“Fuck!”

“You’d be even cuter like that; I’d give you a nice bowl to take a dust bath in.” She’s laughing more now, the sound kind enough that Aubrey’s spine unclenches some.

“Wait, did you say eve-”

“Alright, now that you two lovely ladies have met, I’m going to show some screenshots of your exchanges and get your thoughts on each one.”

“Actually, Ned, I have something even better.” Dani sets her hand on the hosts desk conspiratorially, “something no one but me knows yet.”

“Do tell.”

“As of this morning, I am no longer part of the Northwoods cast.”

Half the crew gasps while Aubrey worries this is somehow part of the prank. Only Ned is unphazed.

“Why, that’s unexpected. Are you at liberty to discuss what happened? Was it merely time for your to move on to bigger things? Or Aubrey’s tweets, perhaps?”

Another laugh, “The first guess is closer; I’d had misgivings about the writing on the show for a while, and then they announced they were going to kill me off. In a tampon-based accident, played for laughs.”

“Classy.” Aubrey mutters.

“I know, right? I quit then and there, and had my agent accept your offer to appear here so I could share the news. After all, did you think I really came on this show just to dunk on some unsuspecting magician?”

“Uh, well-” Ned catches sight of Kirby signalling off-camera, “we need to keep the lights on, so it’s time to go to commercial. When we come back, we’ll learn just how many pigeons one gentleman can fit in his pants.”

----------------------------------------------

“That’s it, deep breaths, here,” Duck hands her a water bottle, “you did good.”

“I’m gonna pass out.”

“Please don’t, we gotta take the train back and I don’t wanna carry you. I mean, I will if I have to, ‘cause that’s what friends doOOshit, uh, hello Ms. Coulice.”

“Hello. Can I, uh, speak with Aubrey alone a moment?”

“Uh…”

“Duck, look, it’s that camera guy!”

“What, whereAHfuck, hey!” Duck continues making indignant sounds as Aubrey shuts the Green Room door and locks it.

“Nicely done.” Dani leans against the table, eyeing Aubrey up and down approvingly.

“Thanks. Duck takes his job as my emotional support bear seriously.”

Another laugh, “It’s good to have friends like that.”

“Yeah” Aubrey toys with the flame pin on her vest, “um, Dani? I’m kinda sorry for dragging you so much. I mean, I stand by the criticisms of the show, but I probably coulda expressed them better. Or directed them at the writers instead of you.”

“Aubrey, it’s honestly not a big deal” Dani sits down on the couch, gestures to Aubrey to join her, “I’m a woman on the internet, someone teasing me with a silly meme is the least unpleasant thing I deal with.”

“Uggh, yeah, that’s true.”

“And I honestly did agree with you on a lot, but I didn’t want to put my work at risk, not until I had a better gig lined up.”

“What-”

Dani presses a gold-painted finger to her perfectly shaped lips, “can’t say just yet. I do have to add, I think you’re a better magician than you are an internet personality.”

“You’ve seen my stuff?” The shyness creeps up on her.

“We did a quick check when your tweets started getting attention to make sure you weren’t dangerous or something. I’ve been watching your videos religiously ever since.”

“Do you...have a favorite trick?”

“I love any of the ones that involve making things disappear. It;s so cool. And I love Dr. Harris Bonkers; he’s so cute.”

“He’s a good good boy. Most of the time.” Aubrey glances at the chunk missing from the heel of her boot.

“His owner’s not bad either.” Dani grins at her and all of Aubrey’s thoughts, worries, and breath go out the window.

“Dani? We gotta get you across town for that EW interview.”

“Coming Mama!” She stands,opens her arms, “no hard feelings?”

Aubrey hugs her, and of course she smells like daisies and summer rain, “no hard feelings.”

She waves goodbye, gathers up her things from the little make-up cubby where they sat her this morning. A small card sits atop her purse, and she opens it, mouth quirked up in confusion.

I’d love to see more of your tricks. Say at my house, Saturday?

-Dani

Aubrey reads the note, and the accompanying phone number, five times over before she believes it. Her phone dings, alerting her to the fact that she’s appeared in sixty percent fewer internet searches this week.

Fifteen minutes of fame be damned; she’s got something even better coming her way.

#aubrey little/dani #danbrey #meet ugly #celebrity AU

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 4 years

Text

Michael in the Mainstream: Epic Rap Battles of History

In September of 2010, a series began that would spend the decade growing, expanding, improving, and even attracting controversy: Epic Rap Battles of History. The concept is simple - take two characters from history or pop culture and have them get into a rap battle where every single line is loaded with clever allusions to the participants. From there, it can go in really any direction - rappers can jump into the middle of a battle, rappers can team up, battles can be heavily skewed in one direction… there’s a lot of variance.

Watching the series grow into something as impressive and well-done as it is nowadays has been quite an experience. The first battle, “John Lennon vs Bill O’Reilly,” is honestly pretty bad by today’s standards, with a weak beat, poor costumes, bad impressions, and just a general lack of polish. But it did have something to it, something that would come to light as more and more episodes were released - Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Ahlquist really had a knack for rapping. I think the best part of the series over the past ten years is watching them go from the green rappers in that original video to incredibly talented and clever writers, singers, and actors, delivering stellar performances left and right in the more recent seasons.

With their first decade behind them, I’ve decided to go season by season and look at what worked and what didn’t as the show grew and evolved. I give an overview of each season, talk about some of the strengths and weaknesses they exhibited, and then go over the best and worst characters and battles of each season.

So, as the announcer says at the end of every intro... BEGIN!!!

Season 1

It’s hard to totally hate this season, but boy is it hard to love it. This was their first season, and their first batch of battles, so I think a little leeway needs to be given here; it’s clear they’re trying to find their footing and see what works and what doesn’t in terms of matchup and characterization. This leads to a lot of the battles of season one feeling really weird in hindsight, with the infamous “Genghis Khan vs The Easter Bunny” being the most standout example.

However, that’s just the most notable bit of wonkiness; there are plenty more decisions and matchups that really seem baffling in hindsight. One of the biggest ones is when Peter portrayed Lady Gaga in a rap battle against Sarah Palin of all people. This leads to a lot of the jokes Palin lobs being a bit more uncomfortable than they would have been if a woman played Gaga; this is notably the only time a female character has been portrayed by a man to this date.

Beyond that some of the matchups are just really nonsensical or rely too much on outdated memes. The worst offender in both regards is probably “Abraham Lincoln vs Chuck Norris,” which features Peter delivering one of his greatest performances in the series as Lincoln against a Lloyd-portrayed Norris who does nothing but spout “Chuck Norris Facts” thst we’re tired and unfunny even back in 2010. Likewise, Vince Offer popping up as backup for Billy Mays is pretty of-the-time, but that battle is actually good so it gets a pass.

Still, there are a lot more battles that do work or at least show a lot of promise. Look no further than the second battle in the series and the one that put them on the map, “Adolf Hitler vs Darth Vader.” While it’s a bit basic lyrically and not quite up to the later standards of the series, it’s easy to see why this became as big as it did. Zack Sherwin and George Watsky get their first guest spots here as Einstein and Shakespeare respectively, and both of them kill it in their roles, with the former even being part of one of the season’s best battles. It’s definitely easy to see why these two are the most reoccurring guest stars in the series.

Ultimately, season one is uneven and experimental, but shows a lot of promise. I think the datedness of some of the battles, particularly in regards to the ones featuring characters like Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga; using these two in particular so early in their careers really robbed us, particularly in the case of Bieber, whose decade-long downward spiral would have made for some really interesting disses. Then there are characters like Mr. Rogers and Genghis Khan, who are just wasted on completely mismatched opponents. There is good stuff here, but it lacks the polish later battles would have, making it hard to recommend revisiting this one. I’d say that with a few notable exceptions, you can safely skip this season.

Best Battle: “Albert Einstein vs Stephen Hawking” is probably the best battle of the sesaon; while the original Hitler/Vader battle is iconic, this one was one of the more clever early battles and if nothing else gave us the first Zach Sherwin performance and an awesome and faithful rendition of Hawking.

Worst Battle: “Genghis Khan vs the Easter Bunny.” As if it could be anything else.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: Abe Lincoln, despite being in one of the weaker battles of the season, immediately cemented himself as one of Peter’s best characters, and it definitely helps he has some pretty hard and creative disses, particularly his line involving Chuck Norris crying his cancer-curing tears on his filmography. It’s no wonder Lincoln is the only president who keeps coming back.

Peter: Darth Vader became one of the most iconic characters in the first few seasons for a reason, and despite his weaker lines here than in his sequels, he still manages to be as cool and intimidating as Darth Vader in a rap battle should be.

Guest: Albert Einstein was Zach Sherwin’s first appearance in the series, and what a first appearance it is! It really isn’t a shock he has been invited back time and time again, as he is an absolute blast in this battle.

Worst Characters:

Lloyd: Chuck Norris is the clear loser in terms of Lloyd’s characters this season. He’s nothing but a string of tired memes, and offers no insight into Norris at all. Frankly it would have been nice if they ripped into Norris harder, seeing as he’s a right-winger, homophobe, and Trump supporter. Portraying him as some cool, unstoppable force really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Peter: Lady Gaga, hands down, and it’s not that hard a decision. She was portrayed terribly and it really is a shame they didn’t wait until later in her career to use her, because there is so much more interesting things to say about her now than back when they made the rap battle and the most interesting things to riff on were the stupid rumors that she was a hermaphrodite and her weird outfits.

Guest: Alex Farnham’s Justin Bieber is whiny, obnoxious, gets few good lines, and is more than a little mean-spirited; keep in mind, this was made early in Bieber’s career, when his only crime was being a kid with a music career who made songs some people hated. It just seems cruel, and considering how he would turn out a few years later, a world of missed opportunity… but that’s par for the course for season one.

Season 2

Season two was the proverbial “growing the beard” moment for the series. Coming out a month after season one, the new episodes already seemed bigger and more polished, starting off strong with a rematch between Hitler and Vader more epic than the original. Things continued solidly until the season peaked with the masterpiece that is “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates.” That battle was a huge game changer, and took the series to new heights, heights the rest of the season after struggled to meet.

The big problem is that about half of the battles post-“Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates” are incredibly forgettable or even bad. “Doc Brown vs Doctor Who” is on the forgettable side, as is the first-ever election battle, which pitted Obama up against Mitt Romney. Romney alone should tell you why this battle is so forgettable; it’s a battle you really had to be there in the moment for, and is frankly a good argument as to why election battles should not be done. It’s not awful by any means, but it really isn’t memorable or relevant.

On the bad side, we have “Frank Sinatra vs Freddie Mercury,” “Batman Vs Sherlock Holmes,” and the infamous “Adam vs Eve.” The former two mostly suffer from awful characterization, with Sinatra being set up in the same way Justin Bieber was to be the clear loser. There’s nothing wrong with a curbstomp rap battle obviously, but considering how Sinatra is NOT a reviled figure like Bieber, this one goes over very poorly. Batman on the other hand mainly suffers from being horribly characterized and having extremely repetitive verses, with both his verses basically reiterating the same points. Neither battle is godawful, but they don’t really make good cases for themselves.

Then there is “Adam vs Eve.” This battle is widely regarded as the worst battle of not only the season, but THE ENTIRE SERIES. There is a very good reason for that: this battle is a massive departure from the style and tone of the series. Adam and Eve here represent stereotypical sitcom man and woman; there are very few Biblical references and the whole thing is very one-sided in Eve’s favor, with the battle basically ending with Adam apologizing for calling Eve a bitch… after she spent the past few minutes insulting his sexual prowess and penis size. There are a lot of double standards here, and it would only have been worse if God’s planned cameo was kept in, where he unambiguously sides with Eve.

But let’s not pretend like these are more than exceptions that prove the rule. Season two is remarkably solid, to the point where some battles have aged far better than you would expect. The prime example of this is “Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe;” at the time derided by audiences as just a battle consisting of nothing but slut-shaming, looking back it is a very strong yet lighthearted entry between two incredibly intense battles that has a great beat, clever lines, and strong performances from the two ladies. There are a couple of other underrated gems of the season but this one takes the cake.

The season is notable for a lot of big firsts. This is the first season to nab mainstream celebrities as guests, getting Keegan-Michael Key, Jordan Peele, and Snoop Dogg himself to portray Gandhi, MLK, and Moses, respectively. Unsurprisingly the battles featuring them are some of the very best of the season. It’s also the first season with a woman vs woman battle where both characters are portrayed by women, to much better results than the previous one. It’s the first season to have a two-on-two battle, with the second battle of the season featuring the Mario Bros battling the Wright brothers.

The biggest first however was the new style introduced in the finale: the Royale. This style of battle is basically a one on one to start, with each rapper getting one verse and then after the second rapper’s verse a third party barged in to school them, followed by a fourth and then a fifth. This first one featured famous figures from Russian history: Rasputin, Stalin, Lenin, Gorbachev, and Putin, and it is fun and hilarious, though Putin’s portrayal is definitely a product of its time and clearly made before people realized how evil he is.

This season also has some notable missed opportunities unique to it. The first is that there is a whole scrapped battle that was even teased in the trailer for season two, which would have had Hillary Clinton rapping against King Henry VIII. Peter and Lloyd were disappointed with how the audio came out and so permanently shelved it, though the audio is available online. It would have been interesting to see how it would have turned out, though the audio does not paint the best picture and the battle likely would have been forgettable. Still, it would have been interesting to have both parties in the 2016 election battle be returning rappers.

The second is that, to date, season two is the only season to use video game characters, with Mario, Luigi, and Master Chief being the sole representatives of the art form. This gets weirder with every passing year, as video games continue to become more mainstream and characters like Solid Snake, Samus, Phoenix Wright, Lara Croft, and Kratos continue to be popular suggestions for battles. It just feels like a lot of opportunities are being missed, though there’s always hope now that fans have more say than ever.

Overall, season two was a big, confident stride forward for the series. While there are a few stingers and forgettable battles here and there, the majority live up to the title of the series. I’d say that, moreso than season one, this is a great starting point for the series, This season marks the beginning of what I’d like to call the Golden Age, and I would say there are very few episodes here you should skip.

Best Battle: “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” which is not as easy a decision as it seems considering the quality of the season overall. Still, this one probably holds up the best out of all of the episodes, with the rhymes, flow, disses, and beat all being legendary and the surprise interjection from HAL 9000 being nothing short of awesome.

Worst Battle: “Adam vs Eve,” which again, is probably also the worst battle of the entire series.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Gorbachev is the winner here. He’s just a funny, goofy ditz of a Russian leader, and he definitely schools all of the other arguing Russians. His beat is unique and a lot of fun, which definitely helps him stand out even more.

Peter: Peter has a lot of great roles this season, but it’s hard to not give the win to Santa, because Peter was able to hold his own against SNOOP DOGG. Speaking of which...

Guest: Snoop Dogg’s Moses is the standout in a season with no shortage of cool guests. I mean, come on, it’s Snoop

Worst Character:

Lloyd: Adam, hands down, and keep in mind Lloyd also played the now-irrelevant Mitt Romney this season. Adam sucked so bad a bland politician outdid him.

Peter: I’m not sure who told Peter to play Batman like that, but… yeah. Batman sucks here. I hope they bring him back and do him justice someday.

Guest: Jenna Marbles is completely wasted as Eve.

Season 3

Out of the three Golden Age seasons (2 - 4), I think season three is the most uneven and messy. While there are obviously some great battles here - it is part of the Golden Age after all - there are a lot of bad and awkward battles, or at the very least there aren’t as many great battles to make the bad ones seem less egregious. The tone is set by the season opener, the third and final battle between Hitler and Vader which despite a cool Boba Fett cameo ends up feeling underwhelming and boring.

The real issue with this season is that, while there aren’t too many genuinely bad battles this season, even the good ones feel a bit off. For the bad, we have “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc,” which wastes one of history’s most badass woman against a flash-in-the-pan pop star; this battle has very few defenders, and gave woman back woman rap battles even more (undeserved) flack. To the season’s credit it doesn’t really get worse, and the only other weak battles are “George Washington vs William Wallace” (which not only conflates the fictionalized version of Wallace from Braveheart with the real one, but makes George Washington way more boring than he should be) and “Rick Grimes vs Walter White” (which feels like a ratings grab riding off of the coattails of two popular shows, though Lloyd really kills it as Walt).

For the good ones, a lot are held back from the lofty greatness of season two’s best by disappointing flaws. “Superman vs Goku” is fun and performs the miracle of making Ray William Johnson cool for two minutes, but it just feels way too short, especially considering the massive histories of the characters. The finale has a similar issue with shortness; “Artists vs Turtles” pits the TMNT against their namesakes, and the first verse and beat are fantastic, but the turtles get absolutely shafted on lyrics and the whole battle comes off as feeling uneven. This wouldn’t be so bad if this wasn’t a four-on-Four battle. “Stephen King vs Edgar Allen Poe” is so close to being great, as it has fantastic lyrics and a great Watsky performance, but Zach Sherwin chose a weird, raspy voice for King that brings the battle down a bit. It’s kind of sad that a battle between ERB’s two most popular guests is hampered by such an odd choice.

Still, when the season is great, it is GREAT. Key and Peele return, this time playing MICHAEL Jordan and Muhammed Ali respectively, and they kill it. Weird Al shows up playing Isaac Newton and, as expected, is amazing in his battle against Bill Nye. And the series introduces a new, very interesting type of rap battle - the story battle/gauntlet battle. Basically, there is one consistent rapper, and they rap against multiple opponents in succession, usually with some sort of storyline. And what better story to turn into a rap battle than A Christmas Carol? Scrooge goes up against Donald Trump, J.P. Morgan, Kanye West, and the Grim Reaper to learn the true meaning of Christmas, and it’s every bit as awesome as it sounds.

Season three is definitely a good season, and the weaker battles are still worth a listen even if they do have some issues; the only one I’d say is unlistenably bad is “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” due to how offensive the wasting of Joan is. I feel like people listening to this season will have wildly different opinions on which battles are good, bad, and great, so even if it feels a bit wonky there’s no denying it’s worth a listen.

Best Battle: “Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge” is a real game changer, and is not only fantastic, but as its only use of profanity is censored you can reasonably play this at a holiday party! If you ever need your quick fix of the Dickens classic, this is the way to get it, as this is remarkably faithful and very good at condensing the story into a rap battle.

Worst Battle: “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” is just absolutely unforgivable; Joan deserved a more fitting opponent than Cyrus. Katniss was often a suggested opponent, but I feel like even that would be bad, as Katniss has faded from the cultural consciousness over time unlike someone like Harry Potter. Still, Joan deserved way better than to be wasted for some throwaway curbstomp battle.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: Lloyd shows how good it feels to be a gangster with his portrayal of Al Capone, which manages to elevate the battle a bit higher despite the rather cheesy (but not bad) portrayal of Blackbeard opposite him.

Peter: Death, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, is utterly chilling, devoid of humor, and delivers one of the most legitimately terrifying verses in the series. This is why this ghost doesn’t usually get to speak in adaptations - because not only is he utterly terrifying, he steals the whole show. Peter really killed it with this one.

Guest: A lot of good guests popped in this season, but only one of them was Weird Al as Sir Isaac Newton. His flow is incredible, showing he has come a long way from “I Can’t Watch This.” He even gets a fast rap segment where he gets to show off his “Hardware Store” skills.

Worst Characters:

As uneven as the season felt, Peter and Lloyd actually managed to stay remarkably consistent; Lloyd didn’t play any character I can say was ‘bad’ by any stretch. For a given value of “worst,” Peter’s Donald Trump just pales in comparison to Lloyd’s a couple seasons later. But again, as uneven as the season was, Peter and Lloyd really didn’t do bad. This is the point where the duo really began to come into their own and develop as performers, with them rarely turning in a bad performance from here on out.

The guest, on the other hand... Michelle Glavan’s Miley suffers from the same problems Bieber did two seasons prior - except her battle feels less like a funny curbstomp battle and more like they actually tried to make Miley Cyrus on the same level as ST. JOAN OF ARC.

Season 4

This is, without a doubt, the absolute best season of ERB. This is when they truly found their groove, knew what they were doing, and did nothing but pump out hit after hit after hit. It’s to the point where there is really only one bad battle in the season, and it’s not nearly as offensive as previous season’s stinkers.

Right out the gate this season proved itself by ditching the old tradition of Hitler and Vader and instead delivering up a highly requested matchup - in this case the Ghostbusters and the Mythbusters. The real treat isn’t merely the pitch-perfect portrayals, but the appearance at the end by the B Team and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, which cemented this as a fantastic and unique opening. From here, it was almost nothing but fantastic battles until the midseason finale, which was a battle royale of film directors.

Many argued that the season lost steam upon coming back from break, as “Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted” was a bit underwhelming as a return, but from there the season picked up with the criminally underrated “David Copperfield vs Harry Houdini” and then continuing up with the quality, the season peaking with “Eastern Philisophers vs Western Philosophers,” a fantastic showdown between some of the greatest thinkers of history. Somehow “Shaka Zulu vs Julius Caesar” kept up the pace, but I will say the season faltered a bit at the ending.

While “Jim Henson vs Stan Lee” is not bad, and is especially sweet and heartwarming in light of Stan Lee’s death, the use of Walt Disney as a soulless supervillain representing the monopolistic tendencies of his company and not the man himself is a rather contentious choice. It doesn’t help that the battle feels a lot more mellow and peaceful, which mostly has to do with the two men battling. It frankly feels like this should have been the midseason opener and the philosopher battle should have been the finale, since the latter battle feels a lot more epic and climactic.

The only truly bad battle of the season is, unfortunately, “Oprah vs Ellen,” which did nothing to alleviate the stigma of women characters in rap battles. I feel like the major issue with this one is that Oprah just has terrible lines and delivery, with some of her lines having painfully forced rhymes. Not helping is that it came hot on the heels of “Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter,” one of the best battles of season four’s first half.

Still, that’s a small blip on this season’s radar. To wrap things up on a more positive note, this season features perhaps the most unique battle in the franchise: “Zeus vs Thor.” Not only is it the only battle between deities so far, it is also the only battle animated entirely with Legos. It not only helps it stand out due to its unique style, it makes the battle more timeless and not prone to aging poorly in terms of visuals. It’s just overall a showcase of the brilliance of Peter and Lloyd - which is really something that can be said of the whole season.

This is, once again, the very best season of the show. It’s almost nothing but incredible, fantastic works from start to finish. Even the couple of battles that I feel are a bit weak tend to have some good stuff going for them. This was really where the series was at the top of its game, and I genuinely feel that there was nowhere they could go from here but down… and down they did go.

Best Battle: In a season full of fantastic battles, the gold medal still undoubtedly must go to the philosopher battle. The awesome beat! Laozi beatboxing! Nietzsche! It’s really something special.

Worst Battle: “Oprah vs Ellen,” for the reasons stated above. It’s not even so much that it’s bad as it is really underwhelming and filled with awkward lines, but it does stick out as notably poor in an otherwise stellar season.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: This is another Stellar season for Peter and Lloyd; it’s hard to pick just one great performance, but Lloyd voicing Stay Puft is certainly a hilarious treat.

Peter: Peter’s portrayal of Julius Caesar is one of the best showcases of his acting talents this season. I’d say it’s tied with Robocop, who Peter also knocks out of the park.

Guest: This season was absolutely stellar in regards to guests, so honestly picking the best is really a tossup. A personal favorite of mine is Dan Bull’s Jack the Ripper, who is equal parts chilling and entertaining.

Worst Character: It could only be Oprah, what with her painful rhymes and poor verses. That being said, she’s probably the only rapper I could stretch to call bad this season, as Peter and Lloyd has no bad showings and the other guests were pretty great.

Season 5

Welcome to the Dark Age. Season five is without a doubt the most divisive season of the series, and I do feel that that is a bit unwarranted because there are some truly fantastic battles here, probably more than there were in Golden Age seasons like three. The major issue with this season is not really a problem with the battles themselves, but a two-pronged meta problem: burnout, and the toxic fanbase.

The burnout was a long time coming. Peter and Lloyd had been doing ERB nonstop for half the decade at the point this season came out, and as the finale of the season, a rematch between Peter and Lloyd, showed the two were tired, frustrated, and hitting walls in terms of creativity. They obviously loved the series - there was still plenty of passion, creativity, and wit in the battles - but they needed a break, especially since Peter had recently become a father.

The other issue was far less predictable. When the 2010s began, making fun of Nazis and conservative ideology was cool, fun, and pretty much what anyone with a functioning brain was doing. But over the 2010s, a lot of radicalization began occurring due to social media and its ability to give platforms to awful people who shouldn’t be allowed to talk. Nazis, alt-right, conservatives, anti-SJWs, they all started building up over the decade and trying to wage a culture-wide war on sensitivity and empathy, instead trying to convince others that the plight of those who are disadvantaged due to how the ruling class structured society is not worth addressing and that things are fine the way they are. Trump’s depressingly successful presidential campaign did nothing but embolden and strengthen the resolve of these creeps, and that kind of leads into the three most contentious battles of the season - “Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson,” “Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton,” and “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner.”

“Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson” got a lot of flack for seemingly being one-sided in Douglass’ favor, with him almost solely attacking Jefferson for his owning of slaves and not really establishing himself well. While the battle isn’t particularly engaging and I didn’t really come out feeling like I learned much about Douglass, a lot of the criticisms at the time seemed more focused on being angry that this battle addressed that slavery was actually a thing at all and that the battle watered things down to “Jefferson bad!” This is of course disregarding that even Douglass admits in his final verse that Jefferson did a lot for the country, but that we need to address the bad parts of him more than we do. Still, this was small potatoes compared to the latter two battles.

These two battles are what made Pete and Lloyd really pause due to the negative reactions both battles garnered. The election battle received a lot of criticism for seemingly having a “left-wing bias,” as despite it following a similar structure to the previous presidential election battle, Lincoln’s appearance was a lot more focused on berating and abusing Trump. One needs to keep in mind though that Trump had already definitively shown he was a racist, misogynistic scumbag at this point in the presidential race, all of his lines were based on things he actually said, and he was pretty much the strongest rapper in the battle, getting in a lot of good disses. The battle is only “one-sided” in the minds of people who want to be angry at everything; it’s no more one sided than any of the Hitler and Vader fights, it just so happens that one combatant is more evil than the other and so deserves more abuse.

“Banner vs Jenner” seemed to get flack almost entirely due to its acknowledgment that trans people exist. I will be the first to admit that Caitlin Jenner is not really the best person to be using to push a pro-LGBT+ message, especially considering her political leanings, but the fact remains that there was a massive influx of transphobic comments in regards to the battle, mostly with very tired “The connection is they are Bruces who turn into monsters Lol” jokes. This drowned out a lot of legitimate criticisms of the battle - namely, that Jenner got to ramble on for several bars in her second verse while Hulk barely got to get in any good jabs. It’s even more disappointing because the first verses for both rappers was fantastic, and the second half of the battle looked to be shaping into something great… and then Jenner rambled on and on and on. But it was hard to find much constructive criticism because there was just so much hate and tasteless comments. Stuff like that upset Peter and Lloyd, as they had assumed their fanbase was more progressive and forward-thinking, but with how the internet works, they severely misjudged the kinds of people who had infested their fanbase.

It really is a shame that those battles tend to overshadow the entire season five conversation, because boy are there some really great battles here. There’s underrated gems like the overhated “Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder,” strong female rappers like Julia Child in her battle against Gordon Ramsay, long-requested matchups like “James Bond vs Austin Powers,” and even a great story battle with “Ivan the Terrible vs Alexander the Great,” which has Ivan murdering his way through historical figures with “The Great” in their titles. It’s a lot of fun, and Peter’s performance as Ivan is a showcase of his talents.

However, the season’s greatest contribution to the series is most definitely the penultimate battle, which is “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill.” This might very well be the most epic battle in the series: the ever-popular announcer for ERB’s news jumping in to battle the only man in history who could possibly be ballsy enough to stand up to him. It’s to the point where even as the battle ends, the two are still roughly on even footing and it’s hard to say who won. If this had been the season finale, or even the series finale if they had decided not to continue, things would be perfect.

This season is overshadowed by controversy, and it really isn’t totally fair. Most of the controversy is around the guys trying to be more progressive and for punching hard at Trump but not Clinton, and while I can’t say I love the results (the controversial battles are definitely the weakest of the season) it really shouldn’t be held against them for trying to be socially conscious and they certainly should not be shamed, berated, or told to leave politics out of their battles (rap is an inherently personal genre, so politics are always going to find a way in, especially if the characters they’re portraying are, you know, politicians). I think a lot of great battles are overlooked, all because of the more controversial ones, and that’s a real shame, because this is a solid season only held back by the controversy it found itself mired in due to the state of the internet at the time.

Best Battle: “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill,” naturally.

Worst Battle: “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner,” though it entirely comes down to how the second half of the battle was handled; having this be the battle was not in itself a bad idea, and was actually pretty clever. The poor, lopsided battle biased in the favor of a character who is a terrible person in real life simply because they’re trans (or at least that’s kind of the vibe the episode gives) really doesn’t help. Frankly I wish they had given the first trans character in the series honor to someone more worthy, like the Wachowski sisters.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Teddy Roosevelt is the obvious choice, but I almost feel like it’s cheating since he is a mainstay on the channel. If we discount him, Frederick the Great is the clear winner for stealing a whole battle in twelve bars.

Peter: It’s honestly a tie between Austin Powers and Ivan the Terrible. Peter really rocked it with his performances in this season, and those two are some of his best roles ever.

Guest: In one of the most out-there yet awesome guest spots ever, we have T-Pain as Stevie Wonder, ditching the auto tune and delivering sick rhymes while tastefully portraying Stevie’s blindness.

Worst Character: Once again, Peter and Lloyd manage not to put in any bad performances, which really is a testament to how far they’ve come as entertainers.That only leaves one spot, the guest, and it really has to go to the elephant in the room: No Shame’s Caitlin Jenner.

I don’t really blame No Shame here; because she had the unenviable position of playing Jenner in the first place; Jenner is not exactly a beloved figure in the LGBT+ community or otherwise, and while it is cool they got a trans rapper to play a trans character, I feel like backlash here was inevitable just because of who it was.

What doesn’t help is that Jenner rambles on for a ludicrous amount of bars, getting in way more disses than Hulk did and not having any of her negative qualities addressed, which is especially baffling considering her real life political leanings and manslaughter charge being ripe for mockery. It ultimately comes off as tokenism, like they were trying to force a win for the first trans character by handicapping her opponent and ignoring her flaws, which ultimately backfired as most people give the win to Banner/Hulk as opposed to Jenner.

I really hope ERB does a trans character again, because there are plenty of interesting trans people throughout history, but I really hope they avoid the pitfalls Jenner fell into and make it a fair and balanced rap battle.

Season 6

After a hiatus that lasted through 2017 and until the end of 2018, the boys dropped a bonus battle to show they were coming back. And lo and behold, in the spring of 2019 season six dropped! While it is only half over by the decade’s end, one thing is for sure: Peter and Lloyd are back in top form.

The battles this time around seem to be a lot of highly requested matchups, which is not a huge shock - I believe certain tiers of donors who support them get a direct line to speak to the people behind ERB. It’s to the point where Robin Williams appearing in the comedian battle Royale was not the original plan, but he was so highly requested they added him in. Continuing the trend of popular requests opening seasons, this one kicks off with the long-awaited “Freddy Krueger vs Wolverine.” It’s clear how much their lyricism has improved, and the visuals in the battle are incredible, setting the bar high for the season.

Most of the battles in the first half sadly don’t try and go for creative backgrounds, sadly; only “Joker vs Pennywise” and “Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” really do interesting stuff with their backgrounds. Still, the other battles make up for it in other ways, typically with deft lyricism and great flow. In fact, even though not all the battles are top-tier, it’s telling that the weakest battle so far is “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud,” which only suffers because of how repetitive the disses get, especially on Freud’s end - Teresa’s flow and disses hit hard, Freud has a solid second verse, and the best is very fun. The worst thing I can say about it is that it feels like a holdover from season two, and considering this has been a matchup they’ve wanted to do for a long time, it wouldn’t shock me if it is.

The production values are astounding, and the overall visuals are the best in the series, but alas there are some hiccups. Freddy Krueger and Thanos in particular look a bit off; their battles are obviously not bad, but the costumes leave something to be desired, though considering these guys aren’t a multimillion dollar film studio it’s fair to cut a little bit of slack. What can’t be excused, however. Is the constant use of outdated memes, the worst offender being a reference to “What Does the Fox Say” in the rap battle between Che Guevara and Guy Fawkes (Side note: it is absolutely hilarious that Guy Fawkes and Joker both debuted in this season, considering… well… this). Almost every battle so far this season has contained a dated visual or lyrical reference, though they don’t really ruin the battles.

Overall, the season is extremely good so far, and showcases perfectly how far Peter and Lloyd have come since that first rap battle between John Lennon and Bill O’Reilly. The flows, the beats, the lyrics, the costumes… it’s all so good now. Long gone are the awkward days of the early seasons, and the burnout that was evident in season five is truly gone. These guys are having fun again, and I look forward to the rest of this season in 2020.

Best Battle: So far this season has almost been nothing but smashes, but perhaps their greatest accomplishment is “The Joker vs Pennywise,” which manages to play off the relevancy of both killer clowns while giving us some of Peter and Lloyd’s best performances to date, with Peter in particular doing a phenomenal Mark Hamill impression. The battle is also a bit longer than usual, with each rapper getting three verses, allowing them to cram in numerous references. Joker is definitely the wittier and funnier rapper, but Pennywise has a much better flow, which honestly plays to their actor’s strengths. This is my personal favorite battle of the series.

“Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” is honestly tied, as it also plays off the duo’s strengths and is very fun with an energetic, badass beat.

Worst Battle: A lot of people point to “Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula” for its slow pace and goofier take on Dracula, or “Ronald Mcdonald vs The Burger King” for being recycled from their “Flash in the Pan Hip Hop Conflicts of Nowadays” side series with very little in the way of improved lyrics. On both counts I disagree; I think both are good battles, with the latter being one of my favorites due to how goofy it is. So far, though, the battle that was the biggest disappointment was “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud.” This was one a long time coming, but the payoff isn’t quite worth it. Most of the jokes on Freud’s side are incredibly repetitive, and in general his flow is weak compared to Teresa, who just absolutely kills it with creative and witty deliveries. It leads to this weird feeling of Freud being a season one character in terms of quality, which is a real shame.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Lloyd just oozes the charisma of Steve Irwin and Robin Williams when he plays them, easily making them the standout performances of this half of season six.

Peter: Peter brings his A-game as Joker, as mentioned above, but he also manages to be incredibly chilling and awesome as J. Robert Oppenheimer, easily outdoing Thanos in their rap battle. Oh snap!

Guest: This is a season of ties, it looks like, cuz Jackie Tohn as Joan Rivers and Gary Anthony Williams as Bill Cosby really change the tone of the comedian royale for the better. Cosby barely gets any lines, mind you, and spends most of the battle drugged and getting abused by Tohn’s Joan Rivers, but there’s just something hilarious about the ERB guys getting Uncle Ruckus to play a drugged-out Cosby. As for Rivers, she’s just perfect.

Worst Character: Visually, Thanos is not the best, and lyrically, Freud isn’t great, but I don’t think either of them deserves to be called ‘the worst.’ So far, this season has managed to avoid any overt stinkers.

And so we come to a close. Ten years of rap battles, ten years of growing and improvement, ten years of a rollercoaster ride of quality… it really is amazing that Peter and Lloyd have consistently managed to come back to this series and find new ways to breathe life into it. Considering their more recent videos, I can only hope they keep up this level of quality into the next decade. Here’s to another ten years of ERB!

…

Oh, alright, I’ll talk about the bonus battles. So far, there have been two: “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” came out between seasons four and five, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” came out a few months before season six kicked off to show us all that, yes, the boys were back, and they weren’t messing around. Both battles are pretty indicative of the time period they were made; “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” has that extremely high level of quality in terms of writing and characterization that season four did, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” has the sort of rejuvenated, fresh feeling the season six battles have. I will say I much prefer the former than the latter, as the latter does at least somewhat come off as an attempt to recapture the glory of “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” only with two far less charismatic inventors, but it’s still pretty fun and clever in its own right. “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” is, without a doubt, one of their best battles ever, and does justice to two of the most beloved ensemble darkhorses in all of media. I can only hope any bonus battles in the future are up to these two in terms of quality.

Now with all that said… here’s to another decade of ERB! May they only continue to grow and improve in the 2020s!

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