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lisacatara-actress · 1 year

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Almost Lisa: Pt 8, “Laughable... Almost”

*I retain all rights to my photography and story, story details, biographical information, fashion designs, art work, and anything and everything I have posted which is my own creation*)

You're still thinking about it, aren't you? Why I haven't dated an 18 years. It does sound pretty incredulous, bereft of the story behind it. No, I’m not crazy or have unrealistic expectations. Well, I do NOW. And life is just too damn short for bad company, bad sex, bad coffee, or fake relationships . The funniest ignorant comments men make to me are that they're surprised “nobody scooped (me) up yet”. As if I would relinquish that decision or fall into the arms of any man who wanted me. As if I OWE that to someone because simply having standards isn't enough for me to remain single. I want and deserve to be attracted and inspired, too. And honestly, I seldom meet someone who excites me in the ways I find attractive (intellectually, spiritually, and yes, physically).

Fathers / Daddies,

Hug your baby girls. As often as you can. If they don't learn what non-sexual touch is from you, they will have nothing to compare it by moving forward. Sex will feel like respect and appreciation when it's not.

Sincerely, A woman who learned this the hard way.

Once I moved to LA, I apparently developed attractions (and tolerances) to grown-ass man-children. My ex (yes, 18 years ago) had terrible mommy and daddy issues, was a pathological liar, and had at least three personalities (that I counted). He was also a kleptomaniac and stole a substantial amount of money from me (and a couple of his friends), just after cheating on me. Total package, obviously, lol. After that experience- which culminated in about a year of my life spinning out of control, dropping down to 105 lb because I just couldn't believe I didn't see signs of his illnesses- I eventually took a few lovers. But always unfulfilled and with unwarranted drama. One such arrangement lasted nearly seven years, on and very “off”. He was another (older) grown-ass man-child with serious Daddy issues. But wait! There’s more... He was also a narcissist, an over-compensatory control freak, and a very angry human who threatened to commit suicide every few months right about the time he knew I was going to leave him. But dang, if he didn't get the soft part of me that wanted to help him heal from his own trauma. Some people can't. So why did I stay?

Sex. Literally, that's the reason. I was completely focused on my career and wasn't in a position to have a more committed or permanent relationship. Plus, he had an adorable little dog. It was- I thought- a mutually agreeable arrangement. But once he sexually and psychologically abused me, I was gone. Permanently. You get to a point in your life where you realize how valuable time is. When I say I no longer make time for bullshit, I mean it. That dude- by the way- later acquired (I've chosen this word on purpose) an industry award. Hollywood is full of - and too often celebrates- bullshit. And it’s hardly difficult to find in an industry that attracts hurt and broken people, looking to find themselves. Sadly, many believe what The Biz tells them is true. And others support those lies to further their own careers. I’ve witnessed many a colleague completely lose themselves, desperate to fill a gap in their lives. Few actually find the “Happily Ever After” of Hollywood success. And of those who do, there is most often a price.

There are 2 reasons people do things:

1) the desire to experience Pleasure,

2) the need to avoid Pain

A few years ago, while still living in "The Valley” (CA), I’d frequent cafes (as I am right now- quel suprise) and edit photos for the books I self-published. Joan's on Third was a favorite stomping ground. At the time, one of my neighbors was (is) a famous name actor being dragged by the media (and rightfully so) for a slew of disgusting accusations which surfaced. He would deliberately position himself where I had to glance in his direction, then stare me down until I looked his way. He’d invite himself to join me, looking over my shoulder at what I was working on, lavishing compliments, trying to win my favor. Then- manically- complaining about everything and everyone. He wasn’t nervous, just pissed. As if consequences were so...like...annoying. A few years later, He was back on the film grind with a new show and more in the pipeline. Everyone stopped talking about his indiscretions. This happens A LOT in Entertainment. The next public outrage comes along and the old one is forgotten. When I worked in public relations (damage control and marketing), we'd tell our clients that Time was a friend. For this reason.

Hollywood runs on false power and real control. Piss off the wrong player and you'll find your climb up the ladder is greased and missing rungs. To succeed you must - to some degree- be a “Team Player”. Not only where booking jobs is concerned, but out in the field. The general public has heard and become familiarized with some of the behind-the-scenes debauchery over time, but they really cannot grasp that its REAL, and how DEEP the rabbit hole goes.

In my early days in the Biz, I was invited to countless industry parties and events. Some, I actually went to. It was common (for me) to dance with celebs and share booths at exclusive clubs. There were also copious organized events which were more private, where celebs could “let their hair down”, away from the medias gaze. It was around midnight at one such party in The Hills when a large bouncer approached me and my host and explained that we were welcome to stay, but that the party was “going in a different direction”. I got it, immediately, and got up to leave. JUST as a certain celebrity’s naked ass went running up the stairs, chasing a bevy of young, star-struck, spandex-clad 20-somethings (something they were known to do). Lisa, OUT. I never believed I had to sell myself to achieve success. I had the “it factor” then, was talented, smart, and professional. Surely if I kept studying, auditioning and improving my craft, success would be inevitable.

I was wrong. Truth be told, playing the Game can be... helpful.

Everything I’ve accomplished has been done with my integrity intact. There were many opportunities to advance by other means. I couldn’t. Or wouldn’t. Though through the years, I watched several colleagues chose to go the route of hotel meetings and “favors” to shortcut their careers forward. It often ended in tears, protests, pleas, and even blacklisting. I’ve lost at least a few colleagues to suicide or substance abuse along the way. If you don’t have solid people who care about you and keep you grounded, Hollywood is a dangerous playground.

La La Land gets a rep for being a meat market and playground for soulless opportunists and pedophiles. I wont pretend they aren't in the mix. But there are infinitely more good people than bad. Unfortunately, often bad ones are gate keepers and decision makers. It’s not as if depravity and abuse run rampant across the industry. It’s there, but you generally find it by looking for it. I learned to recognize trouble and mastered getting out of uncomfortable situations before they became confrontational / "icky”. Though not necessarily unscathed.

Case in point: I’ve worked in The Biz for nearly 20 years and have around 160 or so credits to my name. But you probably never heard about me until you read this Blog.

(to be continued...)

(PS If you like what you're reading, I welcome contributions to the efforts via Venmo @LTarantinoDesigns)

#hollywood #Success #actress #fame #celebrities #narcissism #women in film #Lisa Catara #blog #memoirs #tea

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bobwess · 2 years

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All my SPN art/fic prompts in one place:

Updated whenever I add a new art prompt on twitter.

-Sam "accidentally" gets Dean a matching tan trench coat to wear with his fed outfit on a case with the three of them.

-Cas is hiding a cat in the bunker, and incorrectly thinks he's being sneaky enough Dean doesn't know.

-Cas in casual flannel hunter attire.

-Sam teaching Jack (And a reluctant Cas) how to ride a bike while Dean helps (heckles) from the sidelines.

-Charlie dressing up Cas with the intent of dragging him to comic con.

-Dean asleep on Cas’ lap on Baby’s hood under the stars.

-Cas burning breakfast while Dean hovers despairingly.

-Cas, Eileen, Dean, Jack and Sam go bowling for a case, but end up really enjoying themselves.

-Dean working under the hood of the impala, explaining shit, while Cas just looks more confused than he ever has in his life.

-Jack got hurt doing something with Dean they for sure shouldn't have been doing, and Dean is trying to help him patch up before Sam or Cas can see them and find out.

-Dean laughing his ass off while Cas is struggling/stressed stuck in one of those paper finger traps. (Bonus: Sam in background like "You could literally just break out of that...")

-Dean curled up on his bed watching Jeopardy and guessing all the answers, unaware of Cas just watching him in awe as their arms lightly touch.

-Eileen and Cas excitedly comparing knife fighting styles.

-Sam gives Cas a guinea pig.

-Cas and Dean back again on that dream dock from season 4, just chillin'.

-Cas rescues and relocates all the poor abandoned beehives Cain left behind when he died.

-Cas washed his tan coat with a red towel and now is stuck with a pink coat. (Bonus: Dean thinks this is the funniest thing that has happened in recorded history. Cas is confused/alarmed by his reaction.)

-Dean using a reluctant Cas in place of an engine hoist.

-It's Chuck's season 15 "The Trap" predicted future, but Cas shares the mark with Dean and they both get buried in that Ma'lak box together.

-Dean napping in a hammock in the sun. Cas is in an Adirondack chair reading a book.

-Dean teaching Cas how to tie a tie for the first time.

-Dean and Cas in the back seat of the impala, huddled together for warmth as a snowstorm that stranded them rages outside.

-Dean going alone to bury Benny's body in his old grave after Benny decided to stay in Purgatory.

-Cas putting his coat around Dean's shoulders when it is freezing cold. (Bonus: Eileen offering Sam her coat when he is freezing cold on a hunt.)

-Dean struggling inside with groceries, pizzas, AND rare magic relics because he refuses to make 2 trips.

-Charlie giving Cas advice on how to woo Dean based on the flirting techniques Dean taught her when they first met.

-Dean collecting different blue ties whenever he finds one that catches his eye and sneaking them into Cas' drawer when he isn't looking. -Sam finds the bloody handprint jacket and tries to be helpful by washing it and has to comfort Dean through one of the worst panic attacks of his life.

-Dean looking at a string of unanswered texts to Cas after he told Mary to leave during the BMoL drama, trying to convince himself he's not desperate enough to use prayer.

-Bobby gives six year old Dean a stuffed animal, and he cries because he hasn't had one since they burned in the fire. (Even though he tries to insist he's too old for one.)

-Random SPN art/fic prompt: Dean packing up the like five personal items Cas had in his bunker room after "Despair" and finding the picture of him (both of them?) in a cowboy hat.

-Dean takes Cas to buy winter gear so he blends in during a case at a ski resort. "Dean... I don't feel the cold." "You're going to look like a lunatic. Put on the damn hat."

-Newly human Cas frustrated that he consistently loses one sock in the dryer EVERY time, but it's just Dean stealing his socks to fuck with him.

-It's the episode Moriah, but Dean actually DOES use "The Equalizer" on Jack. (Right in front of Cas and Sam.)

-Jack is going on a date. Sam, Cas, and Dean each give him some advice one on one. The advice is progressively worse from each of them.

-Dean quietly struggling but doing his best to learn ASL using youtube videos after Eileen is back.

-Sam walks in to find Dean two feet away, staring into Cas' eyes, tears streaming down his face, hands clenched in agony. Jack is watching.

Sam: "Staring contest?" Jack: "Yes." Sam: "Dean... you know he doesn't have to blink-" Dean: "SHUT UP I'M GONNA WIN."

-John gives Dean the impala and he is so excited for like .03 seconds before he realizes his dad is leaving him too.

-Dean goads Cas into helping him move everything in the bunker two inches to the left while Sam and Jack are gone. Sam is annoyed but Jack is wildly disoriented and concerned.

-French Mistake universe Jensen/Jared return to their lives to find most of the crew dead and their credit cards maxed out.

-During the weeks Dean spent looking for Cas in purgatory, Dean prays to Cas every night. Until one night he decides it's not worth it.

And Cas spends all night worried Dean died, until Dean resigns to starting up again the next night.

-It's "Carry On". Cas slips away from heaven and cuts out his grace, planning on living out his life with Sam and Dean. He's fully human. He gets there just in time to meet Sam. On his way back from the barn. Too late. Dean's gone.

-Jack moves back into the bunker and adopts another snake. It escapes and Cas and him look for it for hours.

They find the snake on the kitchen floor with Dean standing on the table trying/failing to look casual about it.

-Sam watches Cas make and slide Dean a cup of coffee in the morning. "Cas, why do you always make Dean a cup of coffee in the mornings?" "I like the taste of coffee." "You never make yourself a mug-" And realizes and Dean is just dying.

-After his wings are restored, Dean has Cas fly him back in time just so he can purchase a replacement of that wine colored carhartt shirt his loves, because it's discontinued.

-They're not together yet. Dean comes home to find a single rose in his room, like Cas was going to give the manager from Heaven Can't Wait. Only Cas could have left it. Bonus: This idiot can't figure out what it means.

-Post Despair, Sam walks by room 7b one evening and overhears Dean inside. He sneaks a peek and Dean is just sitting against the wall, eyes closed, bottle in his hands, "telling Cas" about his day.

-It's not that Cas CAN'T fly, it's that it'll burn him out with the rest of his grace and he won't survive it. They're surrounded. Cas grabs his hand and it's over before Dean even knows what happened.

-It's Tombstone, but it's not Cas. It's just a shapeshifter or leviathan. Dean doesn't test him and gets himself killed, from his brief perspective, by Cas' hands.

-Jack starts flying Cas around as often as he can because he notices Cas misses being able to fly badly.

-Dean never wears sunscreen because Cas always just heals him at the end a long day outdoors. The first outing after Cas is human Dean gets the worst sunburn of his life. Bonus: Sam made sure Cas wore his sunscreen, so he's fine.

-Cas returns to the bunker s15 after Mrs. Butter's leaves. Jack is distressed that Cas missed it all. The first night when everyone is asleep Cas finds Jack in the map room with an un-carved pumpkin, a poorly wrapped Christmas gift, and a smile for him.

-After Cas is taken by the empty and Chuck is defeated, Dean can't bring himself to talk to Sam about it. He ends up going to Jody and breaking down, telling her everything and letting her comfort him.

-Charlie dresses up Cas as the 10th Doctor for Halloween ("You basically already dress up as him anyway!") and afterwards Cas won't wear anything BUT converse.

-Cas comes back to the motel room to find Kaia with a salt filled shotgun aimed at Dean. Claire is painting his nails while Dean looks ready to murder everyone in a five mile radius.

-Sam, Dean, and Cas trying to walk on a frozen pond and none of them even halfway have their footing.

-Season 8. Dean for some reason ends up hunting, like ACTUALLY hunting deer. Things go wrong and then worse. Dean ends up disarmed and running from an angry territorial buck. Cas straight up has to fly in and smite a deer for him. (Prompt by Matt)

-"Goodbye Stranger" but Cas doesn't break out of it in time. He just stands there after it's done, expecting it to reset like it always does in the warehouse. Another death. A new Dean. Except it never does. He comes back to himself and it's too late.

-Cas' bunker closet consists of one tan coat, a suit, three blue ties, a single pair of shoes, a sentimental cowboy had and thirty seven old band shirts he's stolen from the back of Dean's closet when he's not looking.

-Dean keeps putting "kick me" post-it notes on Sam's back and Jack and Cas keep just obeying them because they don't know not to. Bonus: Eileen figured it out a long time ago, but thinks it's even funnier than Dean does.

-Cas starts entering Dean's dreams like he did with the dock in season 4. He helps Dean fight back the nightmares every night while he sleeps.

-Dean burns both of their cowboy hats when he can't have a proper pyre because The Empty didn't leave him a body.

-Set in the episode "Carry On". Sam having to pull his brother's boneless cooling body up off that nail. Having to drag him out and cover it. He's never built a pyre alone. He's never been the one to wrap the shroud. And he's never burnt Dean before.

-Sam drags Cas and Dean out to investigate a case at a resort, but there is no case, Sam is just forcing Dean to take a god damn vacation the only way he knows how.

-Human Cas, established Destiel.

Dean notices Cas buys this fruity strawberry shampoo, and he hates it. But seeing it's what Cas likes, he buys it next time they’re out.

Cas notices Dean buys this fruity strawberry shampoo, and he isn't a fan. But seeing it's what Dean likes, he buys it when they run out again.

Sam snuck the shampoo in there to fuck with them.

-Months after the empty took Cas, Dean has to move Cas' truck. When he turns it on, THE MIX TAPE™ is playing. Dean barely keeps it together.

He needs a distraction, maybe something with Sam. He opens his computer and searches. A pie festival. Perfect.

-Claire calls Dean and prays to Cas individually for backup on a case. When they get there she locks them both in a warded closet and tells them they can't come out of the closet until they 'come out of the closet'.

-Dean's Birthday: Cas surprises him with a Betta fish and Dean has literally no idea what to make of it.

-Dean's birthday: They host a surprise party for him, but he has the reflex reaction like being woken up in Tombstone.

-Dean's birthday: He's turning 12 and they're at Bobby's and he's making sure it's the best he can manage.

-Dean's birthday: It's the year Sam is away at college. His dad is hunting separately. He is alone.

-Dean's birthday: Dean walks into an utterly destroyed bunker kitchen and is presented a plate of cookies by an excited and flour covered Jack. (Bonus, Cas helped and is somehow more of a mess.)

-Dean's birthday: Cas/Sam/Eileen/Jack are all celebrating with him at a diner.

-Dean's birthday: Cas gives him a mixtape.

-Dean's birthday: Crowley sends some sort of clearly thoughtful but wildly demonic present to his doorstep.

-Dean's birthday: He's choppin off vamp heads, blood flying, wearing a blood splattered birthday hat.

-Dean's birthday: Dean comes home to find one of every type of pie that can be bought laid out across the map table with like 30 cans of whipped cream.

-Dean's birthday: Cas and him sitting, watching the sun set. "Was it a good birthday?" "It was."

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UPDATE: As the number of prompts has now exceeded 300, they can be found in this google doc list instead.

#every time one of you sends me art from this list #i grow stronger #I have a folder of it on my computer #i look at it when I'm sad to feel happy

48 notes · View notes

lengthofropes · 3 years

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POVs series

Part 2: Sam

(Part 1: Cas is here)

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words: 3,3k | smr: Sam’s POV as Cas returned from the Empty | read on A03

rating: general | warnings: none I guess?

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I’ve never seen Cas drinking through a straw. I’ve never seen him having a milkshake either, but here he is. On the backseat of Impala, with Dean sitting next to him and laughing as hard as he possibly can.

“What is so funny?” Cas frowns at him, sounding sincerely confused. Dean can’t answer cause he’s literally choking with snickering. To be honest, yeah, this is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in years.

“You’re… you’re just slurping so loud!” Dean finally manages, wiping a laugh tear from his eye. "Cas, you gotta…” and he can’t finish the sentence because he's breathless with laugh again.

"I don't understand. Is this supposed to be a dessert?" Cas asks.

“Yeah, we can’t make a decent milkshake at home, so I thought you should try it here” Dean’s still giggling, but slowly calms down. “I know you like peanut butter with strawberry jelly, so maybe you'd like a strawberry milkshake too”

“Oh. This is too sweet”

And I swear Dean is slightly blushing now, I swear! This is even funnier than Cas slurping, but I’m holding back a smile cause yeah, this is too sweet.

“Yeah, umm… No, I just… I though you’d like it…”

“I like it, but it’s too sweet.” Cas looks at him and adds “The milkshake”

“Oh!…”

This time I can’t hold it back and just burst out with laughter.

“What’s so funny again?” Castiel is confused even more, I can see in a back view mirror.

“Nothing” - Dean to Cas.

“Shut up!” - Dean to me. But I just can’t stop.

“Gimme that!” - to Cas again, taking the milkshake from his hand and slurping even louder than Cas. "It's not too sweet it's just perfect!"

We haven't laughed like this for a long time, too long.

Through the months Castilel’s been absent, times were tough sometimes. Me and Dean, we had to sort out a lot of stuff, and believe me, it wasn’t that easy.

We talked about a lot of things, then. We started with the simplest.

What are we about to do now? Continue hunting? Get ourselves a decent jobs? Should we move somewhere else?

Move, huh. We weren’t ready to, at that point, guess we’re not ready still, not sure if we actually want to. Not sure, we know where to, how to, even. So many things have changed, we needed at least something to stay the same, stay solid for us. So we kind of… continued our usual routine in the bunker, with an exclusion of hunting for a while. We needed a rest. Probably, sticking up with the domestic stuff helped. You wake, make yourself breakfast, you eat, you read or watch movies, you make some calls, you exercise, you shower, you sleep. You do groceries, laundry, cleaning. You, being normal. Functional, pretty much. Slowly accepting your new world and the life you're now living. Like, piece by piece, understanding and acceptance comes.

Bunker felt so... I don’t know, remarkably unoccupied those days?

Weird, cause we used to live here on our own, sometimes for weeks. Sometimes even months. But now it was… I guess it’s just knowing, that this time someone won’t come back here, this knowing… it made it hard to walk those corridors. I missed Cas. I missed Jack, too. But… you know.

First month we stayed at the Bunker on our own. I mean, of course I went to see Eileen, it’s the first thing I wanted to do after everyone returned. I don’t even know how I can describe the feeling when I've read the message from her. I…

We were driving home. With Miracle, sleeping on the backseat. And Jack’s “I’m not coming home” still too loud in our ears. And my phone beeped. It was her. She was the first person we got a message from.

“Hey, Sam”

That’s it, “Hey, Sam” - and it’s easier to breathe. I remember, I couldn’t text her back, just kept looking and looking at my phone.

“Eileen?” Dean asked.

“Yeah… yeah. She’s… she texted”

I literally could add nothing to that. Dean just smiled, but didn’t say anything.

Rest of the road we called and called everyone, checking, laughing on loudspeaker, explaining, repeating the story about Chuck all over again. It was good. Those were the moments worth fighting for - hearing the voices of your family again. We were so happy, so relieved. And free, at last.

Next day the first thing Dean said to me, was that I need to go to see Eileen.

“Nope, now! Pack your shit and go! ‘Cmon, Sammy, do me a favor, huh?”

Not sure I need to explain the argument between us, cause I didn’t want to leave him alone. Or should I say, the argument inside my head between me and me, the one who cares about my brother, and the one who loves Eileen. But well, he insisted, he insisted hard. And I’d lie if I say, to see her alive and well, to finally hold her, wasn’t on top of my needs.

So yeah, Dean understood me even better than I did myself. He assured me, that everything’s gonna be fine, and he has work to do - go to the vet with Miracle and buy all the things we need to make the bunker a home for her, too.

I came back home in two days. Eileen went for a long trip to meet up with all her friends, and she promised to come to the bunker in few weeks. And stay for a little longer. Dean was pretty excited, though, even asked why the hell I didn’t bring her back with me immediately. So yeah, visiting her friends was a nice excuse to…

He needed time.

I didn’t tell him how heartbroken she was, when I told her Cas was gone.

He needed time. And I needed to stay close. Because even if I’ve lost my dearest friend, Dean have lost way more than that.

Dean seemed “normal”. Not sad, not unnaturally cheerful, not heartbroken, not… anything. And it was scary as hell. I didn’t try to talk to him. He didn’t try to talk to me. Geez, at that time, I didn’t even knew how exactly it all happened. How did Cas summoned the Empty? Why it took him? But I just waited. I just think it’s time, when…it’s time. Because one thing I knew for sure, something in Dean has changed. Changed very deep. And it wasn’t a grief, no, that was something else.

One morning I saw him looking at himself in a bathroom mirror. I just stood at he door, not to interrupt, cause the look on his face was… like he was examining himself, actually seeing something for the first time. Figuring, if he likes it or not.

So, I was there, and I was waiting for him to be ready to share. Giving him time and space.

Dean quit drinking.

He just stopped. I didn’t bring it to his attention, that I’ve noticed. It’s just one day I passed him a bottle of beer in the kitchen, and he mumbled something like “nah, I’m good”, and next day I saw him opening the fridge to pour himself some orange juice. And the next day, we were watching something, and I put a cold six pack on a table. He didn’t touch it. So I just quit offering.

I didn’t ask.

Now Dean is siting next to Cas on a backseat. Today, it’s been two weeks since Jack brought him back home, but Dean is still always around him, ready to catch him if he is dizzy again (yeah, it still happens sometimes), or he’s disoriented, or unexpectedly weak. Cas feels much better, though. But we constantly keep an eye on him. Well, I’d say I try to, but Dean doesn’t seem to let me, you know? Actually, it’s the first time he left the bunker in these two weeks. He rarely even leaves Cas’ room, though, maybe only when he cooks for him or goes to the library to grab another book. When Cas falls asleep, he walks out, and we usually talk in the kitchen or wherever.

When we go to sleep to our rooms, Dean doesn’t stays in his for long.

Two months ago he couldn’t sleep in his room, too, but the reasons were different. I remember constantly finding him in the morning, sleeping anywhere else but his bed. Face on the table in the kitchen, in the armchair in the library, on the couch in his cave. One time I’ve found him in the backseat of Impala in the garage. Dean used to drink himself to sleep, when times were tough. Now that he quit, he just stayed up until he passed out. No need to be genius, to figure he’s been having nightmares. No need to be genius, to figure what those nightmares were about. I still see the burning ceiling in my dreams, rarely, but yeah, I do.

And yeah, he told me he’s having nightmares. He told me not to worry about it, cause it’s a normal reaction, and it will pass.

What he didn’t told me, Jack did.

That day, I woke up and went to the kitchen to fill my water bottle and go for a jog. Jack was there. Just standing next to the fridge, drinking milk.

To be honest, at first I thought I was still dreaming. But then he raised his hand “hi” and I…

“Hi Sam!”

“Jack… is it really you? I mean… hey!” I’m not sure if I supposed to hug God but well, I did. And he hugged me back and for a moment it felt like everything is back as it used to be. As it used to be, yeah. Our kid drinking milk in our kitchen.

It was 6 in the morning, and I’ve had one of the most complicated conversations I’ve ever had in my life.

Jack told me everything. About the deal Cas made to save him. About the price of that deal.

About Dean praying to him every single night for the past weeks.

Jack was good, though, he coped very well with all his new responsibilities; hell is fine, Earth is fine, new Death is great, heaven is getting some renovations, and angels are finally calm and satisfied. The only problem is the Empty. Since he detonated himself in front of Cosmic Entity, he has no idea what was happening there. If Chuck was able to bring angels and demons from there, it changed, apparently, after the explosion, because the structure of the void has been damaged.

“Every time I try to reach it, it’s like I’m walking in the dark, like I’ve lost the path and I have no idea where I should go. I tried to summon the Entity, tried to open the portal - nothing works.” Jack looked concerned and dreary. “I don’t know what is happening there. I can only guess, everyone’s awake there. And they all are supposed to rest, supposed to sleep. If I made them suffer…” He looked at me with remorse in his eyes. “Castiel is there too. Sam, what if he…”

I felt sick. What if Jack’s right? What if all the dead angels and demons are going crazy in there? What if Cas sacrificed himself again only to suffer for the eternity?

“They all deserve to rest, and I need to make sure they are. And I want him back, Sam. I want my father back”

“Yeah… yeah. We all do. We just didn’t think it is somehow possible again”

“I’ll make it possible, I promise. I’ll keep trying. But I don’t know if I should answer to Dean’s prayers. I cannot fill him with hope, I need to make sure…”

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t think he’ll be able to handle it, if we end up failing…”

“He probably thinks I’m an asshole” Jack grinned bitterly. “Or that I’m too busy, or I forgot…”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t pray to Jack cause I missed him too bad, and I didn’t think I’ll ever see him again. And about Castiel, I just understood it’s impossible to bring him back, the second everyone else have returned. If that were possible, Jack would bring him back with everyone else, too. I didn’t realise there may be a different possibility.

“You really think you can do this? Bring him back?” I asked instead.

“I have to. And I will” He looked at me, stubborn and determined. “I just need time”

I took a deep breath. That was heavy. Seeing Jack again, knowing the truth about Cas. Stay silent for Dean. This is not the first time I have been hiding something from my brother. But at least now it is more than justified.

Next week Eileen arrived, and things got a little better. Dean was very happy to see her, though, like, really glad. The three of us been spending a lot of time together, constantly chatting about everything, watching movies, cooking, even playing board games. What can I say? Eileen is a ball of sunshine, of course everything’s better in her presence.

And I knew Dean felt better, too. Since there were no news from Jack in weeks, I decided it was a good tactic, to keep the bunker filled with people we love. So, I called everyone, and the next month was full with friendly visits.

Kaia and Claire came first and stayed for few days, they were on a hunt in a town nearby. Then Jody and Alex joined us. They both took two weeks leave from work and decided to spend some of it with us. Gotta say, I was upset when they left. Not least because Dean stopped making delicious “special occasion” pancakes for breakfast.

Charlie and Stevie called. They were on a vacation too - just left to travel around Europe for a month. Yeah, good for them. They promised to meet up with us as soon as they come back.

Donna couldn't make it to us, cause she was too busy. Things were relatively quiet in Stillwater, but her deputy got sick, so she had to work a little harder those days. So me, Eileen and Dean went to visit her instead. Those were two good days, a lot of hugs and donuts and the latest police gossips.

The next stop was Garth's house, and Eileen was extremely excited to meet the whole werewolf family. Little Cas and Sam grew bigger and Garth warned us to be careful now with their teeth. Good point. We didn't stay for long though, just for dinner, but Eileen is now Gertie's bestie, and Gertie calls her "giant's girlfriend".

Not long after we got back to bunker, Bobby stopped by for a beer. He was doing well, too, same as all the rest of the survived refugees from the Apocalypse world. They all quit hunting and settled in Lebanon, living their lives peacefully. It was good to see him, all clean and calm. He deserved his retirement.

That was, actually, the exact moment I realised I don’t want to hunt anymore. I’m done. No more blood on my hands.

Yeah, there’s still a lot of things to hunt in this world. But I just don’t want to. But we’re still the last men of letters. Why not to become…a mentors? Turn bunker into headquarters again? We can’t just leave all the lore, all the knowledge here, untouched.

This thought has firmly settled in the backyard of my mind. Yes, we'll come back to this later, for sure. When we will figure out all the things.

A nice month, yeah. Then Eileen went to help her friends with a little ghoul problem. I must say, I’m still overprotective, but at least I agreed to let her go by herself, since she gave me The Look. Okay, three of them will be there, one ghoul. They can handle it. Besides, “Girl needs to have fun sometimes, Sam!” and yes, she needed some space. And she promised to keep me updated.

It was the evening I’ve received “All done! That was too easy, I’m disappointed. We’re driving to their place now, it’s couple of hours. Facetime you soon!” No, I wasn’t relieved, because I wasn’t worried, honestly! But still went to Dean’s cave, where he was watching something, to tell him the news.

“Hey, got a message from Eileen, she kicked that ghoul’s ass”

“Ha! I didn't doubt her!” Dean grinned at me, making a sound of the TV quieter.

“Yeah, she probably will be home in few days. Listen…”

I didn’t finish. Bright light filled the corridor.

“Sam. Now” I couldn’t even see his face, but Jack’s voice was loud and high with emotion.

“What?? Jack??” I screamed back.

“What is happening?” Dean ran out the room, facing the light in the hallway. “Jack?? Sam, what’s going on?”

“Sorry, I didn't have time to warn you. It happened all at once. Sam, I'm coming in, I found the entrance. I can do it, I know. Explain to him, tell him…” And he disappeared.

We were standing there, shaking in shock.

“What the hell is going on? Explain me what? Sam? The fuck is happening? Was that Jack?”

I wasn’t ready for this, it happened not the way I imagined. I though I’ll have enough time for this conversation. What was I suppose to do? Explain? How??

Dean was looking at me, eyes wide with concern. Okay, okay… just gonna tell it the way it is, calm and slow.

“Yeah, it was Jack…” And my mouth turned dry.

“….and?” Dean kept looking at me “Explain what? Sam, cmon! He was worried, goddamit! What’s going on?”

“Okay, okay… He, umm. For the past months he’s been trying to get to The Empty”

Dean was speechless. He turned pale.

“He couldn’t get there, he couldn’t even summon the Entity to talk. He thought it was because of the explosion. But he, umm, he kept on trying. He promised me he will keep trying.”

“He… promised you?”

“Yeah… He appeared here, a little more then a month ago. He…” It was hard to look into my brother’s eyes, but somehow, I did it. “Dean, he was trying to bring Cas back. All this time”

His expression was unreadable. Something between anger, fear, disbelief and shock.

“And you didn’t tell me…”

“Because he asked. Because he wasn’t sure how long will it take. He wanted to tell you, when he’s ready to do it. And I didn’t want to tell you too, because if we fail at this…”

“Okay, shut up” He leaned into the wall, all trembling, trying to calm his breath. “He said… he said “Now!” Does it mean… Sammy, what does it mean?”

There was a plea in his eyes. So much fear. And a plea.

“Yes.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “You've heard him”

Dean grabbed my shoulder.

“Sammy…”

The bunker started to shake - the walls, the floor, as like an earthquake.

“Sammy… the dungeon”

And we ran, as fast as we could.

So yeah, today we finally went to buy Cas some closes, although he seems to like all those Dean’s hoodies, he looks like an E.T., when he wears them.

Nothing extraordinary, just basic stuff like jeans and shirts and sweaters. Though Dean bought him a cowboy hat, and I swear I could hear quiet “Not again..” from Cas. But he scored with picking one of the world’s ugliest sweaters that I’ve ever seen - blue, with a giant yellow bee on the front. Dean’s face was pure shock when he saw that one, and he immediately put it out of the shopping basket, shaking his head. But the second Cas got distracted with his shoelaces, Dean put that ugly piece back and quickly went to the checkout.

Now he’s drinking strawberry milkshake in the backseat.

It’s a movie night tonight. Eileen makes popcorn.

#destiel fic #destiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #fieryfrankie #seraphcastiel #becauseofthebowties #casjpg #userdainty #holmesemrys #scottstiles #ugh sorry probably lot of mistakes and typos here:)))#I'm too lazy....dasdfghjkl #and there's a lot of missing pieces here. I saved some explanations for the further chapters ggggg:)#fic tag

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mayonnaisetoffees · 3 years

Text

Mayo's Fic Recs

List of my favourite fics below the cut; this list is a WIP and completely personal taste; a mix of fandom classics and lesser knowns

Please remember to leave comments and kudos for the authors and podficcers!

*shows particular favourites

Fandoms currently included: Spn, Merlin, Les Mis, BatFam

Fics That Changed Me Fundamentally

Loaded March*** by Footloose. Merlin | E | 1.26M(Series)/ 35k (First part) | 188k hits (First part)

The reason SAS Captain Arthur Pendragon can’t keep a communications specialist in Team Excalibur because none of them are good enough. And then Lieutenant Merlin Emrys gets assigned to his squad, and Arthur does everything he can to prove that Merlin isn’t good enough, either. Except he is.

You can read all about my thoughts on Loaded March here, here, and here. Basically this fic series is beautifully written, has absolutely delicious UST, has found family, magic, and high stakes. It’s been part of my life for almost a decade now, I made friends through LM that I still have to this day, and it genuinely changed me as a person. Plus there are 78k of Extras to itch that I Finished Now What scratch. Parts 1-5 have been podficced and you can find them in works inspired by this one in each part.

Down to Agincourt*** by Seperis. Supernatural | E | 1.12M(Series)/ 154k (First part) | 73k hits (First part)

The world’s already over and they’re already dead. All they’re doing now is marking time until the end.

S7!Dean is transported back to the aftermath of where 5x04 The End left off. Much like LM, DtA was one that I avoided for a while. I didn’t think it would be my thing. I’m not usually into End!verse, it sounded so bleak from the summary, and it sounded so long for something I wasn’t sure about. If you’re reading this and nodding along? You are as much a fool as I was. Yes, it’s the end of the world. But it’s not over yet. This is a beautiful journey in what it means to be yourself, how to survive the end of the world, a How-To for Coups, and a study in food as a love language. I only read this fic this year, but like LM, it has genuinely changed me. Map of the World has been podficced.

Supernatural

Let’s start with the current hyperfixation. All of these are at least passively Dean/Cas unless otherwise stated. I've split into ones from my first time around in the SPN fandom and more recent ones because the vibes are actually really different and it took me some time to adjust (Not in a bad way! In a time has passed they have grown as characters way)

Old-School SPN (AKA the Classics my first time around)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Home in Motion* by nomdeplume13 M | 232k | 48k hits

Castiel swore he was done with spur of the moment decisions that permanently changed Dean Winchester's life. A year after the angel's most disastrous, his newest may present the largest challenge of dean's life: Fatherhood.

Did someone say kid!fic in canonverse? This is perfect. Canon divergence from the end of S6. Cas saves a baby from a neglectful mother and gives him to Dean to raise. They all move in with Bobby. Great OCs. Bobby considers Cas his son. Listen everything I say here will not be able to begin to encompass how much I love this fic. Just trust me on this one.

Named* by RC_McLachlan M | 95k | 95k hits

Jesus Christ is dead. Somehow, that isn't the worst part of Dean's week.

With a summary like that, need I say more? No but I'm gonna. This is one of the funniest fics I've ever read, but it doesn't take any emotion from the serious moments, if anything it heightens them. There are so many quotes from this I think about all the time. It was written in 2010 and so there's a bit of misogyny/character assassination of Anna in places.

Second Childhood by CloudyJenn (read by exmanhater) G | 16k (1h30) | 10k hits

"Dude, I can't do this whole thing by myself," Dean said with far more desperation leaking into his tone than he liked. It would just be too much to make it through hell and death and Lucifer only to have Castiel bail on him because of a frigging baby.

They beat the Apocalypse (OG-S5) and then Sam gets de-aged by a spell. I've listened to this so many times I know it by heart, it's an ultimate comfort fic to me.

Defy Any and All Expectation* by Tenoko1 (read by Tenoko1) M | 138k (14hrs) | 37k hits

Chuck's newly released books tell of another war between Heaven and Hell. Team Free Will sets out to try to defy prophecy, only to realize there is a lot more at stake and amiss than the not-quite-accurate words of one Prophet of the Lord. Along the way, Dean and Cas' relationship continues to evolve into something neither expected or were prepared for, all of their lives transforming in ways no one could have expected. But with no shortage of cases, monsters, and mayhem, it's going to require the help of new friends and old enemies if they're to have a hope of saving the world one more time. Alternate Season Six.

So this is a re-written version of Tenoko1's The Path We Choose which I don't think is around anymore. By the time I was reading the re-write as each chapter came out, I knew every single line of TPWC and it wasn't all that much shorter. It's such a perfect canon divergence because they are all 100% in-character. If you're into podfic, you already know what an absolute gift 14 hours is, but if you have never tried podfic before, Tenoko1 is a fantastic place to start. Her voice is soothing and energetic and her Cas sometimes comes to mind when I'm reading fic in Misha's place (sorry Misha)

His Fucking Kids 'Verse by 8sword M | 96k(Series)/ 3k (first part) | 26k hits (first part)

Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.

Emma survives and Dean and Cas are raising her and Claire. This fic series will make you laugh, make you cry, and (nowadays) make you wish Emma had survived to be a part of Wayward Sisters.

One Species Too Many by wallmakerrelict E | 22k | 37k hits

While Dean is laid up for a month after breaking his leg on a hunt, Cas decides that it's a perfect time to adopt a litter of kittens. But even though he's gotten better since Purgatory, Cas still isn't quite the same as he was before fixing Sam's head, and being trapped in a cabin with him for weeks on end is making that all the more obvious to Dean. When Sam takes off on a hunt, Dean has to figure out on his own how to navigate his new relationship with Cas while also helping to raise a bunch of fuzzballs that aren't even cute. Not even a little bit. (Well, maybe a little bit.)

Dean breaks his legs, and honey!Cas brings home some kittens to foster. It's achingly sweet and also painful because you know Dean wants to fix Cas but there's nothing to fix. It is tagged for ableism for this.

Tripping* by Hatteress E | 49k | 78k hits

That time the universe decided Dean belonged with Cas and wasn't afraid to pull out the big guns to make it so. Big guns in this case being obsessive fangirls, archangels turned tricksters and overly enthusiastic cupids. Welcome to Dean's life.

Alt!S5 and it is beautiful. Also any fic with Missouri is an automatic win.

Broadway Musical by Grifitings M | 12k | 79k hits

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle. The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at. Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

Jimmy deserves a sainthood and frankly I don't even want to hear about crack if it's not on the level of the Host yelling at Cas not to touch the butt.

Classic AUs (AKA AUs from my first time around)

Try Something Tuesday by almaasi E | 48k | 144k hits

Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He's new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean's curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not? Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only...

This was one of the first spn fics to really really stay with me and it never really left.

Rock 'n' Roll Queer Bar by ChasingRabbits E | 127k(Series)/ 8k (Part1) | 29k hits (Part1)

Ellen and Jo Harvelle run Harvelle's Roadhouse, a bar that unintentionally becomes a beacon for wayward queer souls. Her employees: Dean, the smartass runaway with a big heart and bigger mouth; Castiel, the college drop-out turned hippie; his (surprisingly heterosexual) trouble-making brother Gabriel; and Charlie, who has been told several times that the back room is not to be used for after-hours Dungeons & Dragons games. But there's a lot of love in this place, and a new family for anyone who may otherwise be without.

This series. If you've ever felt unsure or out of place or anxious or just really felt like no-one understood you, this fic is for you. I first found this series when I was coming to terms with my queerness and I genuinely think it was invaluable. Also I am a sucker for the go for a dinner at Cas's family and end up storming out trope.

Play It All Night Long by janie_tangerine (read by Tenoko1) NC17 | 43k (4hrs)

The rom-com-ish one where Dean hosts a late night radio show, Castiel is a regular listener of his who starts calling one day and ends up calling more often than not and Dean finds himself liking it. This, until one day Castiel calls for not exactly petty reasons (just before Dean's brother Sam is visiting with his girlfriend for spring break) and things get very, very crowdy at his place. He also doesn't know it's just the beginning of it. Also features Gabriel, Chuck, Andy, the Roadhouse crew and a huge amount of music quoted. Especially Bob Dylan.

Again, this podfic has got me through many a night of insomnia. Cas calls in after a particularly shitty day and it all goes from there.

New-School SPN (AKA post-2014)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Tall Grass by aeli_kindara E | 57k | 28k hits

“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says. Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away. Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.

There is a reason you will see this recced time and time again. It healed parts of me I didn't know needed healing.

So Says the Sword* by komodobits E | 85k | 73k hits

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’ Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected

I saw ssts mentioned in like every single If you're getting back into the fandom READ THIS rec list. For good reason. It's described as "canon-adjacent in that seasons one to three happened exactly the same, but when Dean goes to Hell, he is not raised by Castiel". It's one of the most interesting concepts I've read and it's one of those fics where the writing style will stick with you. Castiel POV in a way you've never read before.

Aching in the Absence of You* by sobsicles E | 95k | 9k hits (in 5 days)

Brittle and battle-worn, Cas looks at him over coffee one morning and says, "I need to go," and Dean instantly knows that he's not coming back. He's not really sure how he knows it, but he does. It settles into the pit of his stomach, curling hot and tight like something he instinctively wants to tear out with his bare hands. He takes a breath, and it gets stuck in his throat, hitching there. It hurts, hurts, hurts when he finally exhales. "Yeah," Dean says, "of course you do," and he nods jerkily as he looks down at his phone. He doesn't say goodbye. He doesn't look up from the screen when Cas gets up and leaves the room. He doesn't finish his coffee, or move for a long time. By nightfall, Cas is gone.

If you don't already know sobsicles, I am delighted to introduce you to the person who will smash you to pieces with a hammer to put you back together Kintsugi-style. This one is post-finale but without 15x18 (it'll make sense as it goes). Cas says he's going to leave again and again Dean doesn't ask him to stay. Full of lines so beautiful they'd make Shakespeare weep, Sobsicles has this way of writing that is so evocative and paints such a clear picture. Fair warning, if you're Dean-coded, this might be A Lot.

dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d's to the destination)** by sobsicles E | 108k | 25k hits

Freedom is just one adjustment after the next. ~~~ Cas hums again. "I think you already have. It's been months since everything settled. All that's left to do is...get used to it, and perhaps—" His voice stalls out, uncharacteristically, and his gaze roams Dean's face with intensity. When he speaks next, his tone is a little raw. "Perhaps what one does with peace is...whatever they want." "What if I don't even know what that is?" Dean grumbles, arching an eyebrow in challenge. "'Cause I know damn well you don't just mean good food and a good bed and time in Baby, not simple wants like that. You mean—ya know, the big things, the wants we didn't get to have before." "Yes," Cas agrees. "If you're not sure, figure it out." "Easier said than done."

Yes, two sobsicles recs back to back. This one I read first and it still holds such a special place in my heart. A sign of a good fic is being able to picture it perfectly. The sign of an amazing fic is that when reading this I was so in Dean's shoes I could feel a pool cue between my hands and Baby behind my back. And I sobbed like a baby in this. It has probably my favourite ending ever. It's genuinely beautiful. If you don't read another on this list, read this one.

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara M | 52k | 14k hits

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean. (A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

The ultimate Cas character study and interwoven with poetry.

So There It Is, I've Said It All by PorcupineGirl (read by Ceewelsh) G | 4k | 13k hits

"Why, do you have something you need to say to me that you don't think I'll like?" I think I'm in love with you. "Yeah. I guess so."

Dean figures out he's in love with Cas then can't stop thinking it. This is genuinely beautiful and if you've ever had trouble actually saying the thing you're thinking, you'll relate to Dean here. I recently did the podfic for this.

you won't find this place alone by amidsizedfrog G | 9.5k |

When Claire said she was dropping out of college to pursue hunting full time, Dean said, “right,” and left the room. Or, the cross-generation conversation about formal education, choosing your own path and figuring out what it looks like to find a family. Or, in other words: "But what I do have is a GED and a give-'em-hell-attitude, and I'll figure it out." - Dean Winchester

This is a beautiful look at education in the hunter world, and I love anything that looks at Dean and Bobby's relationship and this does it perfectly. Also best cameo ever.

Seek to Know You Better by ahurston E | 33k | 23k hits

Dean and Cas, a long stretch of highway, and 36 questions empirically designed to make two people fall in love. As if they weren't already.

This is perfect. It has a lovely slow pace like it has the vibes of an indie film if that makes sense? Like it's two guys going from place to place talking. It was an instant favourite.

Newer AUs (AKA more recent AUs)

And This, Your Living Kiss* by opal_bullets M | 57k | 69k hits

Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen.

When I asked which fics were absolute must-reads for someone who'd been out of the fandom a few years, this was said repeatedly. But what really got me to read it was everyone actually told me more about what it meant to them than just the summary. It's a study in poetry, a study in learning who you are and who you used to be, and a reminder that it's never too late.

The Graveyard Shift* by riseofthefallenone, PurgatoryJar E | 620k | 175k hits

Dean’s favourite coffee shop, The Graveyard Shift, is only open after the sun goes down. Which is perfect for him, because that’s exactly when he craves coffee the most while doing the overnight at the fire hall. The coffee shop’s owner is pretty perfect too, but it’s kind of a bummer that Dean never gets to see Cas during the day. In a world where the supernatural live more or less in peace with the rest of humanity, it’s a little impolite to ask Cas just what he really is - or what his dark past entails.

A fantastic magical realism fic - magical creatures live and work with humans. Gabe and Cas run a coffee shop, Dean is a fireman, and the burn is slow and delicious and the intrigue kept me reading for like a week every single spare minute.

Painted Angels by WinJennster E | 106k | 162k hits

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He's put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn't go like Cas hoped. Dean's a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing. Cas sees a second chance with the man he's never stopped loving, but Dean's moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a "brilliant" plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he'll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.

The first part of this I actually saved back when I was first in the fandom but I never got around to reading it (I had a To Read folder of 100+ fics that I absolutely dove into when I got back into spn) and the rest of the series finished in 2016 so I'm counting it in this section not the other. On the one hand, I wish I'd read this when it first came out. It's beautiful and heartbreaking, and so visual. On the other hand, I think I appreciated it a lot more now than I would have seven years ago. The parallel of me coming back to the old fandom that I loved dearly with Cas coming back to see someone and places he loved so much really hit. (Although coming back to the spn fandom was much easier and much less heartbreak!)

Finale Fix-Its (yeah fuck you Dabb that this has to be a whole category)

The Goldenrod Revisions by aethylas M | 66k | 15k hits

A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.

Script format re-write of 15x19 and 15x20 into a 5-episode finale fix-it. As far as I'm concerned, this and chocolatecakecas's American Pie fanvid are the Supernatural finale.

break the skin (to break the barriers)* by sobsicles M | 30k | 9k hits

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment. ~~~ Dean is silent for a long, tense moment, then he gruffly says, "It's not for banishing the angels. It's to summon them. So, it doesn't—it's not to get rid of 'em, but to draw 'em in." Mitzi can't help but glance up at him at that. His voice is so heavy with so much unexplained pain, and she doesn't understand why, or what angels have to do with it. She knows religion can impact people. She's very aware that it can get complicated, and that it can be a huge source of pain for someone, but Dean sounds grievously wronged, somehow, as if it's a truly personal thing. She pushes through, focusing back on her job, clearing her throat before murmuring, "Well, I guess we all want angels to visit us sometimes." "Just the one," Dean mumbles. "Your guardian angel?" Mitzi asks. Dean breathes out, "Something like that. As close to one as an angel will ever get."

Therapy through getting tattoos and telling your life story to someone who obviously doesn't think it's real. Outsider!POV not just done well, but done literally the best.

Kingdom Come by ahurston E | 17k | 10k hits

Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.

I don't know if this counts as finale fix-it as it's more fuck the finale we're ignoring that. There's just so much love and care in this fic.

The Family Business by chai_lattes M | 16k | 5.5k hits

It's all over. It's been weeks since Chuck's defeat and Cas' return from the Empty. There are no threats on the horizon, no apocalypses to stop, but there's something that keeps the Winchesters from being happy. Something that's maybe always been there. On their way back from a hunt, they find John Winchester, back from the dead.

If you're anything like me, you start rubbing your grubby little hands together at the tag John Winchester's A+ Parenting like yes let's address this! This is one of the best examples of John coming back and how it jars with the life that they have built. Also Claire and Jack getting to share screentime!

Merlin

If I have a forever fandom, it's Merlin. I've always kept one foot in this fandom, and it introduced me to fandom, and most importantly to podfic which kinda had an impact. All Merthur unless stated.

Canon-Verse

Seven Magpies by syllic (read by lunchee) E | 33k (3hr15) | 58k hits

Arthur opened his eyes a minute later to the sight of seven magpies streaking across the top of the clearing, their shapes dark against the white clouds and the muted grey of the sky. He tried to remember what it was that seven magpies meant—he'd had a nurse who had sung the rhyme to him as a child—but couldn't. Arthur wakes up somewhere he doesn't recognise, but where he clearly belongs.

Okay so this is an AU but it's Canon-AU so it's going here. Fantastic role reversal fic that you will be thinking about for weeks.

and from your grace, i fell by TheDragon (read by Ceewelsh) T | 4.6k (41mins) | 13k hits

“Where’s Merlin?” he asks the maid. “Where’s that idiot of a Court Sorcerer?!” “Begging your pardon, Your Majesty. I thought you knew,” the maid replies, not daring to look him in the eyes. “He’s taken ill.” “And he couldn’t be bothered to tell me himself that he would be unable to attend today’s council meeting?” Arthur questions, voice full of acid. “He hasn’t woken since he collapsed two days ago, Sire,” the maidservant says, blissfully unaware that what she’s saying the power to stop Arthur’s heart in its tracks.

When I first read this, it had me completely transfixed. I could not stop reading. It was so raw and so full of emotion. I was then lucky enough to get TheDragon in our exchange, so I did a podfic for it and it's probably the most proud I've been of one.

Modern AU

The Student Prince* by FayJay (read by FayJay) M | 145k (15hrs) | 696k hits

A Modern day Merlin AU set at the University of St Andrews, featuring teetotal kickboxers, secret wizards, magnificent bodyguards of various genders, irate fairies, imprisoned dragons, crumbling gothic architecture, arrogant princes, adorable engineering students, stolen gold, magical doorways, attempted assassination, drunken students, shaving foam fights, embarrassing mornings after, The Hammer Dance, duty, responsibility, friendship and true love...

A classic is a classic for a reason. I'm also pretty sure this introduced me to podfics so like special place in my heart x2. Did you know if you filter AO3 by hits on Merlin, this has 426k more hits than the second result? Now that is a Fandom Classic.

Drastically Redefining Protocol* by rageprufrock (read by lunchee) E | 46k (5hr30) | 269k hits

In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell promptly breaks loose.

As I always say, if this can happen to me and I still love the fic, nothing is going to change that. Arthur hides from his duties in a cupboard and gets stuck in there with a chainsmoking med student.

Fundamental Imperfections by Starlingthefool (read by bravenclawsome) M | 12k (1hr35) | 123k hits

In which an argument about Dickens leads to a Twitter scandal, broken bones, midnight conversations, and transatlantic longing. (Or, an AU with Arthur and Merlin as moderately famous authors.)

This fic has everything: Charles Dickens, long distance texting, Morgana choking a Sherlock cosplayer with his own scarf. This is the ultimate comfort fic and I compare all fics to this even when they're incomparable. I never read the sequel because it was WIP and I was waiting for it to complete, it hasn't been updated since 2015 and apparently ends on an unhappy note, so if you're going to read the sequel you have been warned.

Les Mis

Modern!AU

Overzealous Oddities by YassHomo e/R, Courf/Cosette/Marius, Comb/Ép | G | 6.4k | 4k hits

Courfeyrac: Remember when I smashed our tv and we laughed about it? Enjolras: No. Courfeyrac: Let me rephrase Courfeyrac: I've smashed our tv, lets laugh about it.

I love me a text fic and this is in my opinion the best one around. Just look at that summary. I have quoted that so many times.

But Paris was a very old city and we were young* by GingerNinjaAbi E/R, Courf/Jehan | M | 99k | 42k hits

Perhaps somewhere in between all the cups of coffee, shots of tequila, sunny March days, terrible lumpy jumpers, love, cigarettes, drunken nights and the desire to change the world they'll all leave Paris with a degree in something. Or not. Grantaire's money is on no. But he's a pessimist who's hopelessly in love, so perhaps his opinion shouldn't count.

The ULTIMATE modern!AU tbh.

Tagged by Salomonderiel E/R, Courf/Jehan | E | 155k | 28k hits

So there's this artist. He could probably be compared to Banksy, but he's a lot more... cynical. He shares rooms with a poet who braids his hair with flowers, in a flat near Covent Garden they rent from a short-tempered shop keeper with a penchant for fans and who'd do anything if you mentioned Poland. Sometimes, the three of them will go and deface public buildings in London whilst completely smashed off their heads. And then there's this, shall we say, 'revolutionary'. He has a band of other revolutionaries, who all meet at this cafe by Borough Market. He shares rooms with his best mate, a philosophy student, spends too much time with a flirty guy who has a thing for poets, goes boxing with a guy in a red vest, wants to punch the wet sop who drools on the blonde waitress and is getting tired of this guy who keep breaking his laptops through sheer dumb luck. Thank god the hypochondriac's there to keep an (slightly too) attentive eye on their stress levels. The revolutionary thinks the graffiti artist's work is a waste of space. The artist thinks the revolutionary's campaigns are a waste of time. And all the while, the poet and the flirt drool over each other in the background...

This is perfect and it's funny and it's beautiful and it rips my heart out multiple times.

Canon

To Be Free by kjack89 (read by Ceewelsh) Gen, Cosette/Marius | T | 3.8k (32mins) | 375 hits

Three blows from a bayonet had transfixed Combeferre’s breast, followed by a fall from the barricade as he rapidly lost first blood and then consciousness. But neither of these, it seemed, was enough to kill him, as much as later he might perhaps wish that they were.

I read this because it was on a list kjack89 did of their favourite fics which don't necessarily have the same hits traffic. It's nothing I would have usually read (canon era, not e/R, MCD) but I am so glad I gave it a go. It's a study on what if Combeferre had survived the barricades too and the guilt. This stayed with me for days afterwards until I eventually messaged kjack89 to get permission to podfic it.

BatFam

Canonish (I don't know differences between canons but these are all they're superheros fics)

Robins United by laceymcbain (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | T | 49k (6h15)/ 19k (2h25) (First part) | 103k hits

Bullets, knives, a three story fall, even a fucking crowbar hadn't managed to keep Jason down permanently, but Dick Grayson (and the rest of his "family") was going to kill him with kindness.

The ultimate batbros series. Also if you haven't heard reena_jenkins' podfics before, you are welcome. Pre-pandemic I took a lot of public transport and reena_jenkins kept me sane.

batcoons by drakefeathers (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | G | 6k (49mins) | 14k hits

Jason and raccoons have a lot in common. (Additionally: his so-called family are much bigger pests than the stray animals hanging around his safehouse.)

This is funny, it's heartwarming, and it's a really good character study.

Here Comes the Sun by batsy_rocks Clark/Bruce | T | 19k | 20k hits

Clark Kent is a kind-hearted reporter working in the big city. Bruce Wayne is a stressed dad of four with no idea of what he's doing. Then they meet.

Bruce Wayne is a Tired Single Dad™. It's genuinely such a sweet fic.

#fic rec #spn fic rec #merlin fic rec #les mis fic rec

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touchstarvedsam · 3 years

Note

I was really gonna ignore that "superior"natural thing but I saw that they seem to have some talented artists. So I thought maybe they are doing something interesting (even if it's destiel) so I checked out their Google doc and omg I'm HOWLING! Eileen calls Sam moosie, Cas calls Dean squirrel. Dean calls Cas kitten, Sam calls Eileen otter. They say it's just a incollection of ideas that might not make it into the project, but you get a sense of what you're dealing with there. And this is from1/?

A brief perusal to see how much attention Sam gets compared to Dean & Cas (a word search gave 27/87/100 results for each respectively, so not too much attention to Sam. But sure, Sam is the favorite character of some of their writers). I'm sure a deeper reading will unearth more (like, Dean saying you are home to Cas, who says we're not at the bunker, Dean replies but you are home. That sounds like something Dean would say. And Dean wishes a tulpa into existence 'cause he misses Cas too much)2/?

They say they want to eliminate plot holes but it seems what's a plot hole depends on whether it serves their ship: purgatory stays (we know they love that arc) even if it makes no sense for Crowley and Cas to go through that much in S6 when apparently there are many ways in and out. Cas, the guy who failed at almost everything he's done, is a "master strategist". Every other retcon of later seasons stays as long as it serves ship purposes. Sam gets his fair share of attention but Dean is the3/?

One who teaches Cas about being human including the textures of food (Sam and Cas pbj moment erasure) and Cas should be the one to teach Jack about his powers (no mention of Sam and Jack's relationship). Other ooc things: Cas rides a bike and when Dean asks says it reminds him of flying. After Cain, Dean takes Cas to the farm for bees (?). Cas and Dean snuggle. Knowing Cas is alive gives demon Dean strength to fight to be cured? Dean speaks enochian to Cas. Cas making a mixtape for Dean. 4/?

Cas being in regarding Dean. "Baby jack walking around in cas’s trench coat going “I’m an angel”." Home alone type ep with Jack. Dean kissing cas's forehead when he's dead in 13.01. Crowley is Jack's godfather and gets him a hellhound pet. Sam has a pet fish? Dean sings you're my sunshine to Cas as he sleeps. "Uncle Gabe". Apparently John dropped Sam and Dean off at Bobby's all the time? I don't think this is canon? Keep 15.18 but change 19&20 (of course). There's no drama or angst like 5/?

Kevin's death or Crowley's death or anything that might add tension to the story. Unless of course it serves the ship so plenty of trauma for Cas including darkness (from the empty) and sharp objects (from Naomi). A small mention of Sam's trauma with Lucifer, thank God, but it's interesting that they have so little Sam. They can say they'll flesh out more arcs for Sam but it's clear he's not a priority from how he's not present where he should be. For example, Dean will explain everything 6/?

To Mary and break her out of her brainwashing. But where's Sam? She's his mother too. Other than Eileen Sam's most meaningful relationship seems to be with his pet fish (still confused about that). Even if this project gets better in the future, which I doubt, it's clear what the direction here is. It baffles me that they think this is superior to the show we have, as problematic as the show is. I wish them best of luck but I don't have any high hopes for this. Thanks for the laughs though. 7/7

Sorry for that long ass rant in your inbox. It's in the middle of the night but I'm cackling after reading their doc and I had to share it with someone. I thought you might find it amusing as well. Hopefully all my asks go through. On the one hand, I feel bad hating on a fan project. But the way they've positioned it ("superior"), the blatant disrespect to Sam, and all the shit their side has pulled since the finale (and long before that) has really irked me. Again, sorry.

I just- this whole thing was a whirlwind of nonsense, it took me a whole week to process it. I don’t even know where to start here, or if I want to just yeet my laptop out my bedroom window into the snow. They really consider their ideas superior to the original show? More like Inferiornatural, to be honest. Superinferiornatural? They can’t even seem to characterize them correctly, let alone come up with a decent plotline or idea.

So we’ll start with the nicknames, since that is where you started. The whole thing is painfully out of character, but the worst (and funniest) of them all is Dean calling Cas “kitten,” I might actually laugh myself into an early grave with that one. Dean gives nicknames to shorten people’s names (besides Sam; Sammy is the only person who gets an extended nickname). He’s not going to give someone a longer nickname than the original nickname he uses for them! And Cas wouldn’t actually give nicknames, especially not giving Dean the nickname Crowley gave him??? Otter?! Moosie?! W H A T. Can we move on from grade school kiddie crush nicknames?

I’m currently manifesting Dean saying “kitten” in his gruff voice with that lip curl he does sometimes and I’m cracking up about it. Thanks for the amusement, heIIers.

Of course Sam would only be mentioned 27 times to Cas’ 100 because Sam means nothing to them. He’s only ever either been in their way or a cheerleader for that horribly characterized ship of theirs. I just love how, in order to make DestieI, they have to butcher the characters so irreparably that they’re unrecognizable. Good for them, they can’t even have fanfiction of their ship where the characters keep their canon personalities. 10/10 would laugh at again.

I love the Sam erasure. It’s true to the heIIers’ character at least. They’re a one-trick pony. I’m so used to it by now that I’m totally desensitized to their bullshit. But Dean speaking Enochian? What? When and how did he learn that? I can’t see Dean in his 30s sitting there willingly to learn the language of the angels. Not even if his “kitten” is the one to teach him. Dean doesn’t give a fuck about that. If any of them is going to learn Enochian, it’ll be Sam, and they can fight me on that. I will kick anyone’s ass that argues.

I hope the mixtape Cas makes for Dean is just 4 hours of that Spaghetti song by The Wiggles because Cas sucks at doing human things.

I’d love to see the Sam erasure in the Regarding Dean one. Just swap Sam out for Cas? So Cas is the only one Dean recognizes? Hmm. Where would Sam go? A smoothie place? Yeah, as if Dean would remember the angel who he’d barely known for 8 years at that time over Sam who he’d known since he was 4 years old, lol. Sure, Jan.

The entire 5th ask is WILD, nonnie. A pet fish? Dean singing you are my sunshine? Dean kissing Cas’ forehead? LMFAO. Crowley is Jack’s godfather. The KING OF HELL is Jack’s GODfather. I’m- hgfjdksl I’m sure Dean who was ripped apart by hellhounds would love for Jack to have a pet hellhound. Yeah. Absolutely. “Uncle Gabe” yeah, fuck that guy in particular. Honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t erased Eileen to make SabrieI endgame in their fic. SabrieI is the Sam version of DestieI. It’s just as nasty and abusive :) which was why the heIIers ship it. They’re into abuse. It’s their shtick.

I do wonder what the point of the fish is... Sam has always loved and wanted a dog... you’d think they’d give Sam a dog... but I forgot they don’t pay attention to the show unless the episode has Mushy in the credits. I literally saw a heIIer say they skipped episodes if Mushy wasn’t in the credits... so they don’t know how to characterize Sam or Dean, but from this message they don’t even know how to characterize Cas who seems to be their precious uwu baby angel so I’m not surprised. I can’t wait for them to start releasing this shitshow. It makes for good fodder to make fun of them all over again. They really watched a grand total of 146 out of 327 episodes and thought, “Yeah, my opinion about the show definitely matters,” and I think that’s fucking hilarious.

Sorry for taking so long to respond! Hope I did a good job, nonnie. <3

#anti destihellers #anti destiel #hellers really can't characterize worth shit huh #this is honestly sad and pathetic #hellers are good for nothing if not for laughs #long post #sorry guys #anon #kiri answers asks

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airenyah · 3 years

Note

what are the gayest destiel episodes you can think of?

ohhhhh i gotchu hold on (this is basically gonna end up being a list of my fave destiel episodes lmaooo)

ok so just a heads-up, i don’t really remember much from s10 onwards (a lot of those episodes i haven’t actually watched since they aired whoops) and i’m currently stuck at the beginning of s9 on my complete rewatch soooo this list focuses only on the first half of the show. i might do an update if i ever manage to finish my rewatch (and remember to post an update at all when the time comes)

ok here we go:

4x16 - On the Head of a Pin

dean calls cas “cas” to his face for the very first time

dean is all “you can't ask me to do this, cas. not this.” (about torturing alastair) and uriel is all “who said anything about asking”, but cas is all: “this is too much to ask, i know. but we have to ask it” and that is the moment that dean realizes that cas cares about him and his feelings/well-being and that’s when he demands to speak to cas alone

and it’s only after cas tells dean he really doesn’t want dean being forced to do the torturing that Dean gives in (”i would give anything not to have you do this”)

like, it’s so obvious already how much cas cares about dean already and we’re only in s4

cas is even starting to go down the path of disobedience (with a little help from anna admittedly, but still. he’s starting to consider it)

they’re so?? comfortable?? with each other. when cas visits dean at the hospital in the end

4x22 - Lucifer Rising

dean literally makes an angel fall in this ep, i mean come on... (the way cas shows up behind him all “you asked to see me” after dean smashes the angel statue cracks me up every single time gsdlka)

dean desperately trying to get cas to help him (bc he knows that IF there’s an angel that would help him it’s cas)

cas is too afraid though and dean gets pissed and literally breaks up with him (D: "you spineless, soulless son of a bitch. what do you care about dying? you're already dead. we're done." C: "dean-" D: "we're done!")

this is the episode in which cas makes his decision and chooses dean over heaven

5x03 - Free to Be You and Me

in the previous episode sam and dean had a fight and split up. this episode starts out with dean being pissed and annoyed and just in a bad mood in general

when cas shows up and asks for help dean is very grumpy and doesn’t want to help at first but then reluctantly agrees

throughout the episode, the more time dean spends with cas the better his mood gets (honestly this point is worthy of its own separate post, i have enough screenshots lmao)

like he’s even smiling at the end of the ep when he’s talking to cas in the car!! (except then he looks over and realizes cas has left mid-conversation again and that smile is wiped right off his face and i’m sad :( )

when they’re in that brothel dean mostly has eyes for cas, even when chastity the hooker is standing right next to him

after the brothel incident when dean is cracking up and goes “it's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. it's been more than a long time. years.” like... buddy. your crush is showing.

and the way cas smiles lovingly at dean laughing next to him

dean be like: “personal space” also dean: *reaches into cas’s coat without hesitation* *fixes cas’s shirt and tie without hesitation*

also the funniest thing about the whole “personal space” moment in the motel is that there was more than enough space for dean to step aside and increase the distance between him and cas if he had really been all that uncomfortable but he just. doesn’t. no he just stays right where he is

when raphael is trapped in the holy oil and threatens cas all “castiel, I'm warning you. do not leave me here. i will find you.” and cas goes “maybe one day. but today, you're my little bitch.” and walks away and dean tells raphael “what he said” like the impressed and proud boyfriend that he is

inside jokes (see here)

some more iconic quotes/moments from this episode:

“cas, we’ve talked about this. personal space”

“so, what, i'm thelma and you're louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?”

“well. last night on earth. what are your plans?” “i just thought i'd sit here quietly.”

“let me tell you something. there are two things i know for certain. one, bert and ernie are gay. two, you are not gonna die a virgin. not on my watch.”

5x14 - My Bloody Valentine

hunter husbands!!

the way that dean is not in the mood for hook-ups on valentine’s day and then goes to stare at cas like That

that iconic phone call at the hospital where cas just appears in front of dean who nearly runs into him

cas be looking at sam while listing all the things people can be starving for, and then looks at dean before saying “love”

ok i know this doesn’t have that many points but really this entire ep is great, i very much enjoy all the interactions between cas and dean in this ep

like when dean is not hungry and cas is all “you're not gonna finish that?” and grabs the plate without waiting for an answer bc they’re this married in s5 already

6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King

i mean... this one is obvious isn’t it

this ep is literally all about how cas is doing everything for the winchesters aka dean

the way sam and bobby cautiously voice their suspicions of cas to dean has the same energy as carefully breaking it to a family member that you think their partner is cheating on them

and when they trap cas in the holy oil and confront him dean also acts like a betrayed wife(gn)

which is such a stark contrast to how sam and bobby react to the betrayal (they’re mostly just like “eh this sucks” while dean is emotionally affected)

and even in the following episodes dean is way more affected by cas’s betrayal than sam and bobby are and dean is the one who argues the most with cas (honestly, this entire arc is literally that post that’s all “how do i know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

ok but the holy oil scene is truly like a soap opera (i mean... “where were you when i needed to hear it?” “i was there. where were you?” and dean looking back at cas one last time before running away)

this is their first big break-up and it takes them until the s7 finale to make up

special shoutout to cas watching dean rake leaves

this ep is a LOT

7x17 - The Born-Again Identity

dean’s FACE when he sEES CAS. and then DEAN’S FACE AGAIN when “emmanuel” is all “what’s your issue?”

dean’s face all throughout that first scene with “emmanuel” and daphne, I’M

“you know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. you know, whatever it was. It might take me some time, but... i always could. what cas did... i just can't – i don't know why” BECAUSE YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM, IDIOT

the way dean interrupts all irritated when meg goes “i think we're gonna be good friends too” at “emmanuel” (jealous bf much gsdlksafd)

the way dean kept the trenchcoat just in case so he can give it back to cas should he return (which ofc he did)!!!!

7x21 - Reading is Fundamental

yet another one of those “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”

at the beginning of the ep at some point sam’s phone rings and when he says that meg (who is watching over cas at the mental hospital) is calling, dean is quick to stand up and even tho meg called sam, dean is the one who ends up having the phone call with her lmao

also dean has no chill during that phone call lmao (he’s irritated when he finds out meg didn’t call them right then and there as soon as cas woke up and he’s immediately concerned when meg says cas is different, while sam’s just standing there holding his phone out to dean, being all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao)

dean: *pissed af at cas* also dean: *almost breaks his own neck at the speed with which he whips his head around at the mention of cas’s name and is desperate to know his location when cas calls meg after dean blasted him away with some other angels at the hospital*

ok no but then meg tells cas their location and cas zaps into the car and it’s hilarious how quick dean is to interrupt whenever cas turns his attention to meg in that scene

8x07 - A Little Slice of Kevin

dean seeing cas everywhere

when you see your best dudebro outside the window in the middle of a storm but when you get up he’s gone and you feel like crap because you could’ve made it out of the war zone together and you just cannot fathom why he didn’t try harder and you just don’t understand why you’re feeling what you’re feeling (and judging by dean’s reaction to sam’s suggestion, clearly it’s not survivor’s guilt)

dean’s FACE when cas suddenly appears behind him in the bathroom

jacting joices: the infamous boner scene (yet another example of “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

jacting joices pt 2: sam and dean are talking case and then cas walks over to join the conversation and there is literally no reason for dean to check cas out (see here)

during the rescue mission when cas zaps into the room and has a stand-off with crowley and then when dean finally manages to break into the room, can i just say... the way dean immediately rushes to cas (who’s ended up on the floor) and grabs him by the shoulder before he bothers to look around the room

D: “that was a bonehead move back there. you could have gotten yourself killed. why didn't you wait for me?” C: “well, i didn't get killed. and it worked” D: “and if it didn't?” C: “it would have been my problem.” D: “well, that's not the way i see it.”

the purgatory flashbacks when dean keeps insisting that cas is coming along with them back to earth and won’t hear otherwise

“i did everything I could to get you out – everything! i did not leave you.” “so you think this was your fault?”

“look, I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? for failing you like i've failed every other godforsaken thing that i care about! i don't need it!”

i know we hate buckleming but this episode, man. this episode

8x08 - Hunteri Heroici

i was gonna put this as a special shoutout but then it turned out that i had more to say about this ep than i initially thought

it’s the way dean and cas keep gravitating towards each other in the first half of the episode. no seriously, they somehow keep ending up beside each other and you start wondering “what’s personal space” (friendly reminder that this is the ep right after they’re finally back together again after purgatory)

the married energy and the bickering

the “talk to me” scene where cas finally opens up to dean (but then interrupting moose strikes)

at the retirement home dean to sam and cas: “no flirting you two” then CUT to: dean and cas sitting at a table with an elderly lady who is staring at cas with heart eyes and... lady: “you are so pretty, charles” dean: *must look at young nurse’s butt immediately to distract myself from gay thoughts*

i’m sorry but the way he smiles so widely at cas at one point when they’re talking to that lady, like, she’s just called cas a bounder and dean’s amused about that but his amusement is not in any way malicious and his face is just so full of love when he looks at Cas, it’s embarrassing really (see here)

9x06 - Heaven Can't Wait

ok so i haven’t watched this ep in like 5 years so my memories on this aren’t as fresh as with the previous eps but! it’s the way that cas and dean act exactly like exes (who are still in love with each other) in this ep

dean’s face as he’s staring at cas through the shop window

dean’s smile when he shows up inside the shop

the entire “i can’t let you do this cas” scene in the car

the infamous fanfiction gap

special shout out to:

5x18 - Point of No Return for all the bickering (“you know what? blow me, cas”) and especially “well, cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that… i got laid.”

6x10 - Caged Heat for the pizza man and dean’s reaction to all the megstiel (like jealous bf much?)

6x19 - Mommy Dearest for the strong married energy dean and cas give off in this ep (honestly, all their bickering, it’s glorious) (friendly reminder that this is right before tmwwbk)

7x23 - Survival of the Fittest for the “i’d rather have you cursed or not” scene

8x02 - What's Up, Tiger Mommy? for the purgatory flashbaks with that one monster calling cas dean’s angel and the reunion scene by the river with highlights such as “nice peach fuzz” and “i prayed to you cas, every night” and “i have a price on my head, and i've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you” and “cas, we're getting out of here. we're going home” and “cas, buddy, i need you” and “let me bottom-line it for you. i'm not leaving here without you. understand?”

8x17 - Goodybe Stranger for “i don't know, dean. if he's so sketchy, then why were you praying to him?” and the entire crypt scene (yes this is a big one and yes i’m still only putting it as a special shoutout and yes it’s bc of the megstiel content this ep ok bye <3)

#there is also the late s9 ep where cas chooses dean over an angel army #then i vaguely remember 11x03 being a good destiel ep #and the s12 ep with the ''i love you. i love all of you''??#i know people are still going crazy over the mix tape but i don't remember if the ep itself was very gay #oh and 13x06 - tombstone gets talked about a lot as well #when cas comes back to life at the end of the widower arc and dean goes from extremely depressed to happy af #15x09 was a pretty good one as well i think #and ofc 15x18 with the big ''i love you''#anyway this was fun #i should really continue with my spn rewatch #but the thing is that i'm actually journaling and making notes #and that requires brain #and i currently just don't have the energy to make all this effort just for a tv show #who knows if i'm ever gonna finish this project #oh well #asks #anon #destiel #spn #lmk if i've missed anything (from s4-s8 that is)

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vvivacious101 · 4 years

Text

Re-rewatching S05E03 - Free to Be You and Me

Okay, there is this of my favourite Supernatural episodes and this is like top notch, this is like the episodes I think are the very best of Supernatural like I prevented from putting episodes that I really really like just because I wanted to focus on those few episodes that really really stayed with me. So at times it would get really frustrating. But in all capacity this episode should be on that list, the problem is until like a few months ago, I didn’t realise that Dean and Cas are not the only storyline in this episode. I forever thought that this was an episode in which Sam is somewhat sidelined. Like it wasn’t all that eventful on Sam’s side of things but it turned that isn’t the case. There are two storylines in this episode and they both are equally prominent. It’s just that Dean and Cas stole the show.

My mind just broke. I started watching this episode and it starts with Jess and Sam, we don’t know this yet but this is actually Lucifer trying to dig his claws into Sam. Fast-forward to one week earlier and we see a montage of Sam and Dean in different places with Dean on a vamp hunt and Sam settling down at a motel and working at a bar. When all of a sudden I was struck with the realisation that the you and me in the episode title is actually referring to Sam and Dean not Dean and Cas. I feel so stupid. Don’t laugh at me.

Of course, everything is open to interpretation and my interpretation of the title was totally influenced by the part of the story that stayed with me across so many years. But, rewatching this for the third time makes me realise that its probably Sam and Dean. This episode starts off trying to tell us that Sam and Dean are at different places physically and mentally and not being together means that Sam doesn’t have to pretend he has his shit together and Dean no longer has to pretend to trust that Sam has his shit together. Ergo, Free to Be You and Me.

This episode begins with Sam and Lucifer (disguised as Jessica) and ends with Sam and Lucifer. Like 5x01 reveals Dean as Michael’s vessel, Sam is finally revealed as Lucifer’s vessel. The story finally has its pieces on the board.

So since, Dean and Cas have been done to death, let’s talk about the hidden storyline of this epiosde that no one talks about.

Sam finds work at a bar where a waitress, Lindsey can’t help be captivated by him. While, Sam drowning in his own issues, notices omens in a nearby city.

He calls Bobby to send some hunters to take care of it because he still can’t trust himself around demon blood.

But the hunt goes sideways and a chatty demon lets the cat out of the bag regarding Sam’s starring role in the Apocalypse. So the hunters come back for revenge and kidnap Lindsey.

Sam admits the truth.

It is becoming increasingly obvious that even though Sam might want to sit this one out, nobody is going to let him do that. The hunters in this episode literally force feed Sam demon blood so that he can hulk out and take care of the demons and in the process destroy the friendship he was building up with Lindsey. He makes the right decisions doesn’t give in to his lust for power and fights off the hunters and just when he is convinced he can get his life right in comes Lucifer, telling him that no matter what path he takes in the end Sam will say yes to him.

So yeah this was all in this episode. I know atleast half the people looking at the pictures are going to be a little staggered. Because on tumblr this particular episode stars in a barrage of gifs and all of them feature Dean and Cas. I mean there are so many things happening between these two -

1. “Personal space”

2. “So what, I'm Thelma and you're Louise and we're just gonna hold hands and drive off this cliff together?”

3. “I need your help, because you are the *only* one who'll help me.”

6. The interoggation of the deputy which is the funniest thing ever.

7. “Wow. Well, last night on earth. What, uh, what are your plans?”

8. “All right. Lemme tell you something. There are two things that I know for certain, one: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you are *not* gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let's go.”

9. The whole Den of Iniquity thing with Dean laughing at the end.

10. Raphael: I'm warning you. Do not leave me here. I WILL find you.

Cas: Maybe one day. But today you're my little bitch.

Dean: What he said!

#supernatural #spn #spn 5x03 #free to be you and me #supernatural season 5 #spn rewatch #myposts #sam #dean #cas #destiel

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readbythestarlight · 4 years

Text

c2e88

Taliesin is so confused by this ad lol

Where is Laura?

The groans xD

Laura's?? Not here?? I mean I'm glad she's at the game awards but THIS IS SUCH A BIG WEEK STORY WISE

Boy we've just started and I'm already ready to die

[[MORE]]

I only just caught it just now but are the CA saying they recovered the beacon that was stolen? Aka the one the M9 returned to Xhorhas already? Or a different one?

The Bright Queen gave them a house and the best the empire can do is a cozy inn? Lame.

(I was always more pro-Dynasty than Empire but it's pretty much set now.)

Didn't even pay for their dinner?? Rude.

Cad: "I've had to learn new words for what happens to me now."

The Dynasty: "We cannot afford to 100% trust you but you have done us a great service so here is a house and a symbol to show you have the favor of our Queen."

The Empire: "You did us a great service but also fuck you here's a hotel and no meal and also if you don't do this thing for us we'll charge you as traitors even though only two of you are actually from the Empire."

lol the hotel workers are funny tho

Empire people? Cool. Empire rules? Fucking suck.

Nat20 for free stuff xD

F: "who's the grossest?"

Cad: "I was swallowed."

Y: "I haven't had a shower in months."

F: "oh! God! What!?"

Cad: "You've won first place."

Y: "Oh, no, I wasn't trying to like..."

J: "IM GOING FIRST!"

I'm worried about Caleb

Snuggling his cat and thinking over his trauma </3

Laura just left the awards show omg

Also the way that Travis looked at her like heart eyes and Laura being like "hey baby ;)"

She looks hot by the way

Yasha paying Fjord back from MONTHS ago is sweeeeet

The book? What's the book? I don't remember?

"Is there a chair...?"

"There is."

"Kill it with fire!"

Oh boy here we go

"And I think we need to work with him...?" I don't like that and I don't think you do he's a liar and a manipulator and a piece of shit

But I understand his point because they are in the worst potion right now

Cad: "if he even looks at you sideways we will not leave enough of him to be found."

Goddamn Caduceus. I love him so much.

Cad: "Well, what I mean was we will do all we can to keep you safe. Is... what I meant."

They're being very serious about this and I'm so glad

Well okay they WERE being serious...

Lol Beau with this teenager is so funny and adorable

I'm glad they're not all sleeping alone

Jester is all sad that Beau doesn't want to double up :(

The B/J/Y shippers just went wild lol

F to C: "if you want to finish this personally... let me know." Thank you Fjord

My old Widofjord shipping heart is happy

Omg Cad handing over the symbol of the Wildmom and telling Fjord he's doing well on his own IM HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS TONIGHT Y'ALL

Oh boy Yasha dream

I'm emotional

Like crying

Sure this guy does something neat with doors but doES HE FLOAT??

I miss Essek

The only mage with a tower I trust is Yussah and it is NOT this guy

Of course Trent is the one who confirmed it had been found

It's definitely trapped somehow

I don't like that they have to go somewhere that Trent decides

WHISPERS

he's a shifty fucker right we all know he is

Double whispers

Lol meeting in the Happy Fun Ball

I was gonna say the Forge

Jester wants to have it at Traveler con xD

Jester is weirding him out and I love it

God sure have this very serious possibly war ending meeting on The Ball Eater sure

They're disasters

I can't decide how I feel about him and I want to hear the results of the whispers

Oh no I'm worried about Yasha

Okay... so he's helping hide Yasha that's good, but is he also gonna hold that over them?

I hope Trent looks at Caleb sideways so the M9 can cut him into pieces

I feel like this guy is meant to be the Empire version of Essek but he's got nothing on Hot Boi

In a dense forest under a bunch of trees and a tower in the middle of nowhere

Oh fuck the sanitorium oh god oh fuck someone immediately check on Caleb

Trent did that on purpose

Hey Cad remember when you said y'all were gonna tear Trent apart if he tried to hurt Caleb? It's time to start ripping.

I haaaaaate this

I'm still trying to decide if Caleb legitimately snapped or if something was done to him

I want to crawl through my screen and strangle Trent myself

Someone please stay between Caleb and Trent at all times

So... nobody in the empire questions why Trent Ick-athon has a laboratory in a sanitorium huh. Like that doesn't ring any bells?

Also fuck it's Edowulf

Astrid's gonna come in to try and throw Caleb off isnt she

Liar liar pants on fire every word out of your mouth is a lie you vile don't of a biiiitch

WHISPERSSSS

he's a liar liar liar

Or he's telling half the truth

So the tripod... prevents it from working?

God he's such a condescending fuck I hate him

I haaaaate him and I hate that he's playing it so cool and calm because that makes Caleb seem like the unreasonable one which is brilliant of him but it just makes me loathe him even more

Oh god Caleb please roll well

Fuck fuck fuck I hate him fuck someone GET BETWEEN THEM

I feel gross and I'm not even in the room with Trent ugh

This tense standoff between Caleb and Trent is physically fucking me up my skin is crawling

Also Nott touched it and nothing happened

Eowulf is one of Trent's "favorite" and and he's looking at Caleb like a creep

Even if I don't trust him I appreciate Ludinus stepping in to cut the tension

Beau trying to trip him upppppp I love her

Alright time to get them out of there Ludinus

Shut the fuck up Trent you state away from both Caleb AND Yasha

C: "Wulf. It's good to see you again."

Eowulf: "it's good to see you too. It's been some time. You look good."

I haaaaaaaaate that they're all being so calm and semi-friendly because again it makes Trent and his ilk look like the reasonable ones

Ludinus: "I can always deal with Trent after the fact."

Y: "Let us know when you do that. We would like to help." Damn fucking straight

Essek scrys because he's worried about them and he pops in just in time to hear Jester insulting his teleporting Lol

I get the feeling Matt is tweaking the time of Traveler Con a bit because he doesn't want Jester to feel pressured to interrupt important things

Is the Wildmom illegal in the Empire?

Ha Fjord impressed Ludinus nice

L: "it's... entirely off-putting how disarmingly charming you are. I don't know how to handle it." That is the funniest thing anyone has ever said about Jester

J: "are you alright Caleb?"

C: "I don't know."

Y: "I don't like him at all."

Everyone else: "same/oh god no."

Okay Wildmom is illegal time to hide your shiny thing

Cad: "I have never seen another person walk so daintily around the truth."

See every time Caleb talks about how Trent gave "private lessons" my skin crawls it just draws too many parallels to creepy creepy shit

Yasha is gonna be good for Caleb here, they both understand what it's like to be used and controlled and manipulated

So like Trent was THERE and if he saw that Caleb knew about the beacons then he's gonna know that somehow they were involved with the beacon disappearing

Oh she's creepy

Cad gonna buy the femur flute lol

The pranksters gonna get that glue oh lord

Yasha gets a bone harp and she and Caduceus start the most unnerving band ever and I for one am THRILLED

Don't they still need to fetch something for the three kobolds in a trench coat? Let alone for Pumat and now this woman lol

Pride silk.... oh dear it's gonna be mutant bugs

Called it

Three silk worms good luck bringing those back

Matt's like WOOO fight tournament hell yeah!

Y'all should go take downtime in Xhorhas in the Xhorhaus and talk to Essek about all this

....I just really miss Essek guys please

Liam O'Brian you will NOT let Caleb sneak off on his own to go see Astrid you CANNOT ajslajkssksk

This episode didn't go as painfully/badly as it could have but it still stressed me out a lot and I'm still worried about Caleb and Trent Ick-athon can choke and if Caleb really goes go off on his own I will scream like baby PLEASE

God now we have to wait a whole week IS IT THURSDAY YET

#emi watches critical role #cr spoilers #critical role

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

Text

8.08, Hunteri Heroici.

Thanks, Dabb, for taking one of the funniest episodes of s8 and using it to hide a rip-my-heart-out subplot.

DEAN: How you feeling, Cas? CASTIEL: I'm fine. DEAN: Well, I just – I – I know that when... I got puked out of Purgatory, it took me a few weeks to... find my sea legs. CASTIEL: I'm fine. DEAN: Don't get me wrong. I'm – I’m happy you're back. I'm – I’m freaking thrilled. It's just this whole mysterious-resurrection thing – it always has one mother of a downside. CASTIEL: [closes the journal] So, what do you want me to do? DEAN: Maybe take a trip upstairs. CASTIEL: To Heaven? DEAN: Yeah, poke around, see if the God squad can't tell us how you got out. CASTIEL: No. DEAN: Look, man, I – I hate those flying-ass monkeys just as much as you do, but – CASTIEL: [forcefully] Dean! I said no! After a pause, DEAN closes the laptop, walks over and sits on the edge of the other bed, facing CASTIEL. DEAN: Talk to me. CASTIEL: Dean, I... When I was... bad... and I had all those things – the... the leviathans... writhing inside me... I caused a lot of suffering on earth, but I devastated Heaven. I vaporized thousands of my own kind, and I – I – I can't go back. DEAN: 'Cause if you do, the angels will kill you. CASTIEL: Because if I see what Heaven's become – what I – [sighs] what I made of it... I'm afraid I might kill myself. SAM enters the room.

OWWWWWW. And also, Sam, you really need to work on your timing. This was two episodes in a row, dude...

But granted, he’s having a really hard time, too, which we mostly see through his personal flashbacks, lampshaded by this comment from an orderly at the nursing home about a catatonic-appearing patient:

ORDERLY: It's creepy, right? A lot of these people – they just tune out and live in their own heads. It's like maybe the real world is too much for them, and they just run and hide, you know? SAM: Hmm.

Because that’s basically what Sam’s flashbacks were-- the fact his entire relationship with Amelia was literally about running and hiding from reality. What shook that up for him was meeting her father, a military man, and feeling a bit like a judged outsider to a family dinner eerily reminiscent of the sort of thing Dean typically reminisces over. Amelia seems to have a very similar sort of childhood nostalgia for the sort of thing Dean would be happy to recreate from his own childhood. In Amelia’s case, it’s spaghetti with hot dogs. Tell me that doesn’t sound like a Dean meal. And Amelia’s dad directly reminds Sam of Dean by the way they open their beer bottles... Except for Sam, this is “Dean Lite” because hey, no monsters here!

I mean, think back to how they first met: Sam would’ve walked out after bringing the dog he hit into Amelia’s clinic, but she basically forced him to take responsibility for what he did. And rather than telling her he couldn’t be responsible for a dog, just travelling through, etc., he LET her force that responsibility on himself. And just... >.>

Dean and Cas share this exchange:

CASTIEL: Do you think Mr. Jones knows what's happening? DEAN: I don't know. Seems to me like the dude's living in a dream world.

And Sam flashes back to Amelia’s again, where he’s again accused of just running away from his problems, and literally using Amelia to do that. But also...

STAN: I'll dry. Is that your car outside – the Impala? SAM: Yeah, it was my dad's. STAN: Guy had good taste... for a jarhead.

Sam can’t even acknowledge the car was DEAN’S. Like he can’t even address the actual issue here. Sam’s not upset over losing his dad, you know? He’s not actively avoiding his dad’s memory...

Cas brings himself and Sam into Fred Jones’ internal cartoon world (where he’s run away from reality, literally). While Dean deals with the “reality” outside of the man using Fred for his own gain. There’s so much using in s8, so much manipulation. Cas is being used by Heaven and doesn’t have any idea consciously, just like poor Fred here:

CASTIEL: This is happening, Mr. Jones. They're using you. FRED: As what – some kind of a damn psychic CopperTop? You plug me in, and the whole world goes wacky? It doesn't work that way. SAM: How would you know? No offense, but it seems to me like you've been spending more time in here than you have... out there. FRED: You want to know what's the worst thing that can happen to a guy that's got a mind like I got? Losing it.

But this is the advice Sam gives him, which Cas painfully takes to heart, not really understanding just how deep under control by Heaven he already is. GAH:

SAM: ...take control. FRED: It's too hard! SAM: Look, it can be nice living in a dream world. It can be great. I know that. And you can hide, and you can pretend... [the background is now brightly colored rectangles] ...all the crap out there doesn't exist, but you can't do it forever because... eventually, whatever it is you're running from – it'll find you. [CASTIEL appears to be taking SAM’s words to heart.] It'll come along, and it'll punch you in the gut. And then... then you got to wake up, because if you don't, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It'll destroy everything!

Because to Sam, this is just his realization that he’d been doing exactly that-- avoiding his own problems which will always, always catch up with him. Which is exactly what Dean realized during his painful year at Lisa’s. Sadly for Sam, the narrative isn’t quite done flogging him yet... that’ll happen a couple episodes down the road yet... but heck... He’s getting closer.

SAM: You – you what, Cas? W-why can't you come with us? CASTIEL: I, um... I want to stay with Mr. Jones. Someone should watch over him for a few days just to be safe. DEAN: Okay, and then what? CASTIEL: Then I'm not sure. But I know I can't run anymore.

And AAARRGH. I mean, he doesn’t even know WHY he knows he can’t go back to Heaven now, or how Heaven is using him to “make amends.” But if it hadn’t been for what Sam said, he would’ve chosen to stay with Sam and Dean. Instead, he’s adrift even more now.

#spn 8.08 #s14 hellatus rewatch #winchester family dynamics #spiders georg of the tnt loop

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snexy-the-snail · 5 years

Text

Family bonding

A wonderful request of spn fluff! I just love pred Dean honeslty-

Dean loved his odd little family. That was it he loved them all fiercely and would die for them without hesitation, hell he had died for them and he'd do it again.

When they stumbled across the whole being able to literally eat each other without hurting anyone it was weird but not out of the question. It came in handy on hunts when someone got hurt, or if Jack tried to sneak out. Soon it just became a usual thing that they used for comfort or just teasing.

It was afternoon and Dean still wasnt hungry, he didnt feel like eating either but he felt ridiculously empty. He groans unhappily and lays on the couch bored out of his mind. There wasnt a case anywhere nearby and with the hunter's network all the far away cases were being taken care of. So begrudgingly that left the original people of the bunker to relax or answer the few phone calls to play FBI administrators.

Dean let's a little grunt out when Jack catapults himself over the couch at the end, right by his feet. He coudlnt help but smile slightly at the kid's antics. He was sweet that much was for sure, and yes he was innocent despite being satan's literal love child.

"Hey squirt, what's up?" He asks stretching out a bit as he waited for Jack's response. He wasn't expecting to be flopped on. Sometimes he forgot Jack may have been in the body of a teen but he was still a child. Literally.

"I want to sleep but I cant." Jack says seriously. Dean sighs as the kid cuddles up close to him, Jack obviously hinting at what he really wanted. Sam had totally taught him that, he had no doubt about it. Sometimes he wondered if Cas really was the most mature out of them.

"Are you hinting at something?" He asks looking at the mess of dirty blond hair. Jack's face was buried in his chest and Dean knew he wasnt going to be getting an answer anytime soon.

He chuckles softly and runs a hand through Jack's hair. He shifts up slightly, smiling when his kid followed the movement, keeping his face firmly planted in his chest.

"I'm going to take that as a yes." He says. It honestly reminded him of a younger Sam. His brother used to cuddle up close to him when they were younger, it was one of the things he missed from his childhood.

Dean stretches out a bit more and rests a hand on the back of Jack's back. Maybe taking the kid inside would push the numbness away. It was always nice to tuck away a member of his awkward little family, it made him feel like he could protect them against everything. He smiles a bit as he focuses on the kids heart beat until he felt Jack's size slowly start to diminish. He smiles a bit as Jack keeps scooting up trying to stay on his chest as he kept shrinking down.

"You know you just have to ask you dork." He muses as he scoops Jack up. The kid was grinning widely, completely at ease with the situation which was weird all things considering. Then again their family was weird as hell, no one was exactly human and everyone had been possessed at least once and they werent exactly human at this point. He grins slightly and lifts Jack up to his face, the kid sitting criss cross eagerly.

"Sam said it's better to imply what you want." Jack says oh so innocently. Dean rolls his eyes and just opens his mouth tilting his hand toward. He knew Jack wasnt hurt mostly due to his giggles as if this was the funniest things to ever happen. He chuckles soflty and carefully closes his mouth, not wanting to accidentally take a limb off.

He leans on the couch as he pushes the kid around in his mouth getting him slicked up for the ride down, swallowing dry was hell for both people. He smirks slightly when Jack's elated giggling started up again. One thing they learned early on was that Jack was extremely ticklish, cute information they all exploited the shit out of it.

He tilts his head back slowly letting Jack have a chance to lay flat to avoid any issues of getting stuck accidentally and swallows.

Dean had to admit the first swallow was always the worst, it wasn't a normal feeling to have tiny feet squashed into your throat but it got a lot better after the second or so swallow. He tilts his head back and swallows hard Jack slipping in a lot easier than he remembered last time. He pushed it to the side figuring he was just getting used to swallowing the kid down. Wow that was a weird sentence. He shudders at the feeling of Jack moving slowly down. It was surreal knowing that he was swallowing an actual person and the fact they would be safe was just icing on the cake. He grins slightly wincing at the tight feeling before Jack plopped in.

"Well that hit the spot." He says teasingly resting a hand over where he knew Jack was. He knew the kid was moving around, he could feel it. Damn bastard was just to energetic.

"Thanks Dean!"

Dean shakes his head fondly. The kid had wormed his way into everyone's hearts he swore. He didnt know when it happened but he did, and honeslty he didnt mind anymore. He stretches relishing the feeling of his muscles tightening around the kid before getting up. He wondered what his angel was doing. The empty feeling wasnt exactly filled up yet, besides it wasnt like they had anything to do. He grins to himself and starts off to Cas's room.

"Mmhm no problem kid." He replies patting absentmindedly at his stomach. He coudlnt help but snicker when he felt the kid fall back and squirm around trying to get back up.

One his way to Cas's room he passed the library, backing up when he heard and saw Sam on the phone. Perfect.

"Yes, I did send Agents Farly and Genish to investigate in your area." Sam says rubbing his face tiredly not noticing his brother creeping up behind him. He honestly hated being on phone duty, the calls were always business never the hunter's checking in.

"Yeah, mmhm they are able to take DNA samples." He adds on, jolting slightly when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He glances behind him, narrowing his eyes when he saw his brother grinning back at him mischievously. He coudlnt exactly do anything to drive Dean away, he had to remain on the phone with the officer to keep these hunter's cover.

"Oh there's two sets of agents? It might be a mix up, may I have their names as well?" He says. He scowls when he notices everything was getting significantly larger. Well played Dean, very well played. He gestures at the phone and shakes his head trying to get his brother to give up the idea but he knew it wasnt going to work.

"Mm it looks like we're doubling up, it is 50 missing people after all sir." He says keeping his voice calm even if he was about to kick his brother's ass. He knew perfectly well he was stuck on the phone, the ass. He scowls as he was scooped up, a lot higher than usual, Dean opened his mouth and slowly started sliding him in.

Sam grimaces at the warm hitting his legs as he slid in deeper. He tried pushing himself back out but it proved to be useless, especially when his brother started to swallow, his feet getting sucked into the tight space with ease. God his brother was such a dick.

"No sir I wasnt insulting you, I'm just saying it's highly unusual for a small town isnt it? We're afraid it's a mass- yes I'm having some interference over here, nothing to worry about. Sorry it should be over soon." He sighs with a sigh, grimacing as he was dragged down deeper. He honestly wished he could put up a bit more of a fight than just wriggling around the only issue was that it would probably seriously hurt his brother.

He grimaces as he gets all slimed up, and pulled down deeper into his brother. This wasnt the worst thing, at least Dean hadn't decided to play a little came of cat and mouse.

"Yes I understand your concern but I can assure you they are some of the best." He says coolly grimacing as he was squashed down into his brother's stomach.

"Hi Sam!"

And Jack was here too, why should he be surprised. He sighs soflty and shifts a bit trying to get into a comfortable position without squashing Jack. He settled for spooning Jack and leaning into a stomach wall. He sunk a few inches into the soft flesh but figured it was better than being pressed face first into the muscle.

"Alright, yes. Goodbye, ah no problem, have a nice day, alright bye." He says before hanging up quickly buttoning the phone into a pocket. "Hey Jack, how's your power training going?" He asks with a slight smile choosing to be angry with Dean later rather than now. It could be worse.

"Hey Cas, so I've got-" Sam was almost glad Cas cut Dean off, he wouldn't ever get used to the rumbling of his brother's voice. It felt like he was in the impala with the bass turned up way to loud.

"I'm getting better, it's getting easier to control them now." Jack says happily, Sam deciding to ignore the outside conversation for now and listen to Jack excitedly prattle on about how he was learning how to 'put a cork' on his powers without hurting himself or anyone else. He didnt pay attention to Dean until he heard him swallowing again. Did this man think he had infinite room? Becuase news flash he didnt.

"Aw man, Dean seriously? If you wanted movie night or soemthing you should've told us asshole!" He calls out whacking a stomach fold. He rolls his eyes when he got a rumbling chuckle in response.

Soon enough they were all shifting in a mass of limbs, trying to get comfortable again. How his brother had the courage to tuck them all away he never knew, it had to be slightly uncomfortable for him, then again he had seen his brother pack away more than half of his body weight in food before.

"Hello Sam." Cas says shifting slightly as he settled again his chest. All things considering it wasn't too bad, well minus the closeness and the slime. He sighed soflty letting a small grunt out when Jack pushed against them, the stomach growling unhappily as it tried to conform around them.

"Hey Cas." He says sighing tiredly. Dean really needed to start sleeping instead of drinking coffee, the smell was starting to get permanent down here. He raises an eyebrow as the stomach wall squishes against them like Dean was laying down, knowing his brother he probably was.

"Didja finish your show today?" He continues on the conversation. He squirms slightly trying to get more comfortable scowling when he felt Dean pressing again his back.

"I will tomorrow, I have three more episodes." Cas responds, not seeming even the slightest bothered by where he was. Then again he was an angel, why should he be?

"Don't watch them without me, I wanna know what happens." Jack pipes up trying to shift up but ultimately gives up when his father forced him to stay down.

"Of course. You are just as invested as I am in the show, it would be a crime to watch without you." Cas says with a small huff as if he couldnt believe his kid would suggest such a thing.

Sam shakes his head fondly. He figured this was his life now, and he was strangely alright with it. Sure it was strange and filled with thick mucus but it was his family and hey at least they were pretty damn close.

He sighs fondly and relaxes listening to Cas and Jack talk about their show and possible ending it might have, the whooshing of his brother's lungs and steady heart beat making him relax more.

#requests are lovely #supernatural vore #spn vore #d//dean loves his smol son #and his baby bro #and his awkward angel #snex content

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lakiceva · 4 years

Text

Skiing!

Name of activity: Skiing on Jahorina

Date: 16.-19.1.2020.

Approximate number of hours: 10 hours

Type of activity: activity

Learning outcomes:

Demonstrated how to initiate and plan a CAS experience.

Showed commitment to and perseverance in CAS experiences.

Demonstrated the skills and recognized the benefits of working collaboratively

Identified own strengths and developed areas for growth.

Demonstrated that challenges have been undertaken.

Recognized and considered the ethics of choices and actions.

This may have been one of the most demanding challenges in the past few years. Me, I’m not a person who’s very keen on being fit and going on these adrenaline junkie trips, but my family decided to break the ice and go ski for the first time. Ever. I mean, it was funny to even think about it since none of my family members have skied before. So there we were: four of us, who have absolutely no idea of what we’re about to experience, in a car full of luggage. The only thing you can smell in the car is the sarma my dear mother packed in the trunk (she wanted the full winter in the Balkans experience with the sarma detail). When we got to Jahorina, the winter beauty, my brother and I stepped on the skis for the first time in our lives. We spent about an hour or two with and experienced friend who showed us the basics of skiing. I picked it up pretty fast but what i didn’t realize before I bought my ski pass and went to the absolutely too steep and too high track is that I don’t know how to stop. Damn. The first going-down-the-track went a little bit disasterous. I spent more time rolling on the snow while my slides deattached than skiing. I mean ok, it’s my first time but damn.

As I got down (barely), I decided to give it one more try and head back to the place we stayed at. I instantly fell asleep and woke up with a lot of bruises on my body. For most people this would be a sign to not and I mean NOT continue skiing, but I continued. In the meantime, I learned how to stop and actually went down a really high track a couple of times.

The funniest moment was definitely when me and my brother went down to this café and my parents just burst with laughter. I didn’t know why they were laughing, but soon after i realised that my hair had been out the whole time and that it froze solid. I looked like a crazy old ice witch (just like Ice King from Adventure Time-I don’t have a love life either).

Reflection:

This experience has actually been a cathalyst for my ambition of being-fit-and-all-that. I have started going to the gym. Also, I almost broke my leg, my arm, my hip, survived 7 days of my whole body hurting without taking medicine and walked proudly with a swollen leg. Just by experiencing this, I have realized that I am capable of much more than I thought and that I can do it. I can do everything. I even got better grades while going to the gym. Isn’t that awesome? I would warmly reccomend everyone to find a challenge for themselves. It’s really worth it.

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multi-fandom-dreams · 7 years

Text

Nightmare - Winchester Brothers

I’m sorry I haven’t written in a little while! School is just making me really busy. I’ll try and post once at least every two weeks. I’m sorry of I can’t :(

Anyway, here’s another request!

Okay so maybe something where the reader is jealous of how close Sam & Dean are, make it angsty 😹 - @winchesters-favorite-girl - i’ve kind of made my own twist on this! Hope you like it anyway!

Imagine always feeling as though you are nothing more then a burden and a blood relation to your brothers and feeling as though they don’t care for you so you leave them.

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You were sat in the back of the impala, picking dried blood out of your stubby finger nails, anger rumbling in your chest. You’d saved your brothers once again from a hunt gone wrong and they hadn’t thanked you, simply patted each other on the back, sent a glance over their shoulder to you to make sure you were still alive and headed in the direction of the car.

They were speaking (or arguing, you could never tell) about the monster ‘they’ had just killed and you had no interest in listening so you rested your head on the back of the seat and looked out to the starry night.

It had been this way since you’d dropped out of high school. You’d be with them, but not quite there. You’d always been left out the circle and you couldn’t remember the last time your elder brothers had shown gratitude and love towards you and quite frankly, you had had enough.

Closing your eyes and drifting off into sleep, your mind travelled to a time when you were the centre of your brothers worlds.

***

You aged 5 and Sam aged 13:

Colouring in a unicorn in your activity book at the counter of the motel room kitchen, you reached for the purple crayon which was just out of your grip. Just as you were close to grabbing it, it rolled a little further away.

Whining and attempting to lean forward, you suddenly felt the stall give way, sending you toppling to the ground.

You cried out in pain as you hit your head on the marble floor. As your vision became faded and a headache made its self comfortable in your head, you saw Sam rushing towards you from the settee.

He quickly pulled you into his arms and cooed in your ear that everything would be ok and that there was nothing to worry about. He made it clear to you that you were a strong girl and that it was only a little graze.

***

You aged 13 and Dean aged 25:

You were waiting on the bench just outside of your temporary school as the girls in front of you made fun of your second hand clothes.

‘Look at that! What is it? A table cloth or a fourth hand blanket?’ The skinniest of them all said, pulling at your older brother Sam’s red flannel.

‘Don’t touch me.’ You growled, slapping her hand away.

‘What did you say, skank? Want me to hit you.’ The tallest of them all said, raising her hand at you.

As you were about to swerve the hand that was about to smack you, you froze as your biggest brother Dean tapped the girl on the shoulder.

She turned round, confusion and disgust on her face. ‘What do you want? Old man.’ She sneered at him. The other girls thought this was the funniest remark in the world.

Dean laughed for a second then looked at her dead in the eyes. ‘You touch my little sister again and i’ll break all your fingers. Oh, and by the way, that top is second hand. I’m pretty sure I saw a stripper with the clap wearing that a couple of nights ago.’ He gave his signature smirk at the end, hinting that the mob of mistakes (called teenage girls) should go away.

They did, fear and despise all over their faces as they made remarks about each others clothes.

‘Thanks Dean.’ You said as you stood up and hugged him.

‘Anytime.’ He responded, protectively wrapping his arms around you.

***

Yeah sure, anytime. I guess that had a time limit. Waking up with the thought in your head, you noticed that you were sat in the back of the Impala, your two elder brothers no where in sight.

As a feeling of hopelessness washed over you, you begged for Castiel to come and see you. He was the only one who seemed to care for you.

‘Hello Y/N.’ His gravelled voice spoke out from the seat next to you.

You didn’t respond straight away, you wanted to gather your thoughts first. You turned to look at him.

‘What’s wrong Y/N?’ He asked you, as you looked back at him, hurt in your eyes.

‘It’s my brothers. I’m nothing to them anymore.’ You explained, tears brimming in your eyes.

‘That’s not true. You’re their little sister.’ Cas responded, confusion lingering in his voice.

‘Was their little sister. I think i’m nothing more then a shadow to them now and I wont deal with it anymore. Please, Cas, make a promise to me.’ You pleaded.

‘What promise?’ He questioned you, eyebrows knotting together as he looked sad in his eyes.

‘That if I go, you wont help my brothers look for me. You’ll let me live my own life and I expect you to understand that if you break my trust I will never forgive you.’ With that, you took his hand in yours as a way to tell him how desperate you were. ‘Please.’

He pulled his hand slightly away from yours then paused. He let out a soft sigh then looked away for a second. ‘If I make this promise, you have to stay safe.’ He reasoned with you, looking in your direction and then away again so that he wouldn’t regret what he was about to do.

‘Yes, of course.’ You practically whispered back, knowing that you were inches away from freedom.

‘Ok.’ That was all he said before he flapped his wings and disappeared.

This was your chance. This was your chance to begin again and be a person who didn’t live every day wondering if they were loved. You’d thought about this for weeks, months even. The moment you’d break free and find someone or something that had even the slightest amount of happiness towards you.

Jumping out the car and pulling your bag from the boot, you headed down the street the impala was parked on. You looked back for a moment, remembering your older brothers, then shook your head and continued down the path you chose to take.

*Sam’s P.O.V*

‘You think she’ll like it?’ Dean asked, holding up a green flannel.

‘You know that’s not her colour.’ I responded, pushing the green flannel out of Dean’s arms before reaching up for a red checkered one on the highest shelf.

‘She’ll like this one though. She used to wear one like it when she was younger, like all the time.’ I said as I searched for her size.

Dean went quiet for a minute before looking at me.

‘Dude, no chick flick moments. What’s wrong?’ I questioned him, laughing a bit since he looked like a hurt puppy.

‘Is it just me or does Y/N seem really closed off lately.’ He depressingly said, gently stroking the flannel in his hands as if it was his little sister.

I was going to shrug my shoulders and dismiss the conversation but I didn’t. I knew that there was something very wrong with Y/N.

‘Yeah - I think there is.’ I responded, barely looking at Dean, feeling as though it was some how my fault.

As if Dean read my mind, he glanced briefly at me. ‘Do you think it’s our fault?’

I gulped then looked up. ‘I - I don’t know. Maybe. Have we done enough for her? I mean, have we been good brothers?’

‘If I’m being honest. No, I don’t think we have been. I think we’ve been so focused on these god damn hunting trips so much that we’ve lost the love we used to give to the centre of our world, Y/N. I think we need to look out for her more. Knowing her, she probably thinks that we don’t care about her and I can’t have that.’ Dean was almost shouting at the end, pulling at the seams of the shirt in his hands.

I simply looked back at him, wide eyed. He’d said exactly what I was thinking.

‘Hell, what do I know.’ Dean grumbled, throwing the flannel on the shelf and heading to the doors of the shop.

He froze mid-step then yelled my name, indicating that Y/N was no longer in the Impala.

It was though time slowed down. She was there, then she wasn’t. It was a nightmare come real.

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I really like how this turned out and I’m tempted to a part 2! Tell me what you guys think :)

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